#so im going at least I'll be able to see some of my friends again

[grimandghoulish]

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[purpurussy]

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[fifteensjukebox]

god it really is 2013 again my best friend is apparently not anymore and i just saw a girl in american eagle short shorts with a union jack sticker on her phone case i hate it here

[lizard-on-a-window-pane]

OMG😵‍💫 LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL ME… could u do a 5, 16, and 29 for your kinktober masterlist with sirius and remus… im actually going insane rn but anyways hope ur doing well and remember to take a break🪩 thank youuuu beautiful writer

5: first time   16: threesome   29: anal

my. god. seems like you want to kill me! this is one i'd been thinking about trying for so long actually...

okay, so i started writing it, and was going to write a brief lead up, and ended up writing too much. so. i'm posting that here now as a kind of prologue since i'm itching to get something out there and people seem to prefer shorter bits. then i'll write the proper request tonight and link it here when i post later today or tomorrow

UPDATE: link to the actual smut fic

(thank you for requesting! so so love to hear from you🫶)

so to start:

pre- remus x sirius x reader

word count: 1.4k

Prologue

It was for the best, you’d all decided. 

“We’ll all still be friends no matter who you choose,” they’d both said when months of sexual tension and emotional turmoil had finally climaxed in a conversation. 

Sirius and Remus: your two best friends in the entire world. Jaime, too, but it was different. He’d been quite preoccupied lately since getting together with Lily, and he was the only one you saw in a brotherly way. Sirius and Remus, your two best friends in the entire world… well… your feelings for them were less sisterly. 

And, it so happened, they felt the same. Both of them. 

The attraction, the affection, it had all finally become too much, had begun to strain the friendship. And since protecting the friendship was the purported reason none of you were acting on your feelings, you’d finally had that colossally awkward conversation. 

Their proposal: you choose. That way at least two out of the three of you get what you want, and the other can start trying to get over it; all three of you promise to prioritize your friendship even if it takes some readjustment. 

Your response: you couldn’t. You loved them both too much to hurt either of them or, honestly, to even be able to make the choice. 

So, you’d all agreed, it was for the best if you continued as you were. At least now things were out in the open, relieving some angst, some awkwardness. 

Open conversation had done nothing to relieve your feelings, however, and not just the fluffy ones. Those, at least, you could still indulge with your best friends. You could laugh together and talk and go out and even snuggle up on cold nights. But your lust for your boys you could not indulge, and in the pit of your stomach — and a bit lower — it grew and grew. 

Some nights, it became just a bit too much, and you’d opt for a bit of… personal time. You’d touch yourself to the thought of them; one suddenly swapped for the other in your fantasies then back again and so on, not even your mind ever picking a preference.

You have plans with them later but are at their empty flat quite early. They have more space than you, so it’s not uncommon for you to hang out here without them. They’ve even given you a key. 

James is out with Lily, and Remus and Sirius are out on some errand, hunting for some part for Sirius’s motorbike or something. You hadn’t paid too much attention, to be honest, just knew they’d be home in — you check the clock — a couple of hours. 

Enjoying the peace, you read a while, snuggled up on their sofa, Remus’s big, fluffy blanket too inviting to ignore. You stretch out our legs and hear something fall onto the floor. Looking over, you see you’ve knocked over Sirius’s favourite leather jacket. Picking it up, feeling its familiar texture in your hands, in the privacy of your solitude, you bring it up close and inhale. It smells so distinctly of him, and Sirius’s scent has always intoxicated you. 

At the thought of his arms wrapped around you when he’s wearing this jacket, you get a bit warm. You shift Remus’s blanket partly off of yourself, but rather than cool you down, this gets you thinking about his arms around you the many times you’ve shared this blanket. The way his body feels up against yours. The way he’ll often pull your legs on his lap. The way Sirius will come complaining about him hogging the blanket — and you — and sit on the other side of you, resting his head on your shoulder. His long, raven locks tickling your neck. 

Before you realize you’ve really decided to do this, you’ve slithered your body prone; your hand has slipped into your trousers; your eyes have fluttered closed, and your mind is reeling at the thought of them, one on either side of you, doing more than snuggling.

I can be quick, you think. They’re not meant to be back for ages anyway, and I can’t very well hang out with them when I’m already all flustered.

A minute later, your trousers are partly off, and you’re properly touching yourself, completely absorbed in the textures, the smells, the fantasies of the jacket, the blanket, the boys they belong to, the boys whose bodies you want all over yours, the boys whose key you don’t hear because you’re so caught up.

As the door flies open, so do your eyes, and they meet each of theirs in turn, both sets wide and starting. You yank your pants up and pull yourself together, jumping off the sofa.

A mess, your voice is raspy when you say, “I thought you weren’t going to be home till later.” 

A beat. They’re both still staring at you, their mouths agape, their feet seemingly glued to the entrance.

Then Remus awkwardly clears his throat. 

“Um,” cough, “yeah. Bloke canceled. Didn’t have the part.”

“Were you just touching yourself?” pipes up Sirius before Remus is even through with his short explanation. 

“I…” You’re mortified. “I’m sorry! Fuck. I thought I had the place to myself for a while! Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed.” You cover your burning face with your hands. “Ohmygod ohmygod. Please, is there any chance we can just forget this happened?” you plead. 

“Fat chance,” Sirius barks, and you glare at him. “Okay, okay,” he yields, hands up, “We can pretend.” He smirks.

“Pretend what, arsehole?” you say.

He opens his mouth to respond, but Remus cuts him off, saying “— that we didn’t see anything…” Even he is struggling to choke back a laugh as he pats Sirius on the shoulder and adds, “Right, mate?”

Sirius, sarcastic seriousness smeared across his features, just nods. 

“Oh my god,” you say again, seemingly having forgotten the rest of your vocabulary, shaking your head at the situation and plopping back down onto the sofa, face back in your hands. 

They come over, laughing now but comfortingly, and sit on either side of you. Sirius’s arm comes around you, and Remus’s hands take yours and pull them off your face. Surprising you, Sirius is the first to speak. 

“It’s fine, love,” he chuckles. “Honestly.” He rocks you back and forth a bit. 

“It’s not like either of us haven’t had a wank on this sofa.” 

“On the sofa??” Remus retorts. “Your room is right there for fuck’s sake.” 

“Alright, I stand corrected,” Sirius continues, completely unfazed, “It’s not like either of us haven’t had a wank in this flat.” He laughs again, and Remus scoffs, shaking his head, but can’t help but also chuckle. 

“Okay, okay,” you rush, not wanting to start thinking about them wanking, “Can we please talk about something else before I die of embarrassment?”

They agree and let up, and you turn on the telly, desperate for some distraction. The three of you start watching, and after a few tense minutes, you attempt some casual conversation, asking about their days and such. They answer, but the strange mood never quite seems to dissipate. There’s a charge in the air that mere time is no match for. 

You flip the channel and, to your horror, are met with a couple kissing passionately. You turn it off, much too quickly to be at all subtle. You shift slightly in your seat in between them. They’re both much tenser than usual, keeping more distance than usual but somehow pretending not to with an awkward graze here or there. Sirius is squirmy; Remus is too still. 

“How about some music?” you try, getting up and beelining for their record collection and putting something on. 

Realizing it will be even weirder to sit somewhere else, which you never do, you sit back down between them. 

Except for the music: silence. 

Until Sirius whispers, his voice gruff, “So who were you thinking about?”

Your head whips toward him, and you’re met with an expression you’ll never be able to erase from your mind. His stormy grey eyes are blown almost fully black and slightly hidden under heavy lids. His mouth is slightly open, but at seeing your face, his eyes scanning your features, he bites his lower lip. There’s lust in every feature, certainly, but there’s desperation too.

You turn toward Remus. He looks equally wrecked. 

His eyebrows furrow, and you’re unsure whether that’s meant in question to Sirius’s query. 

You look back and forth between the two men, the air around you heavy and electric. 

“Honestly?”

They both nod. 

“Both of you…” you confess.

continued in this smut fic

[simpfr]

Im so sorry if this is uploaded late or if it isn’t good enough I’ve been having the most gut wrenching headaches because of my anemia and i also have exams so i can’t be on my phone very often.

Tags: @mikeikax @bucky-barnes-supremacy @ken-zah @datweirdperson765 @pulling-out-my-eyes @yunonaneko @queenofsimpsblog @a10vely-yutazen @clayyfan @cantdothis-nomore @lieutenantlashfaz

Lieutenant why is ur user so long 😭

 I wish you knew.

Part 2.

His hair was so soft to the touch, it felt like you were running your hand through a billow of clouds that wrapped themselves around your arm as an ethereal feeling was sent throughout your body.

If there was a chance you could steal his hair and use it as your mattress and pillows you would've done it in the blink of an eye...

"Can you turn around so I can how it looks on you?" you asked and he nodded, turning around while avoiding eye contact with you, because...well, in a situation like this you would usually do something devious.

But, this time around you didn't and he looked so adorable. His hair was tied back down into to a loose low ponytail with there still being some hair at the front to not leave his forehead bare as it was his signature style while you added a little heart clip to keep the short front hair from falling out.

The only reason he was doing this was to leave an impression on gayatri, who he recently asked on a date.

They weren't they dating but they became friends a month or two ago and pavitr wanted step it up a bit.

Though, he never said it was a date but instead "a hangout"

Sometimes, you really wanted to stab yourself in the mouth and rip your tongue out.

You were the one who suggested they became friends and you were the one who told him to ask her out at least once in awhile to make her "grow or feel a connection"

Why? you weren't even sure yourself.

You knew she began growing feelings for him as well but instead of keeping them apart, you willingly made them get closer to one another.

who were you to deny his love life? He's been your best friend since the primary school days! you couldn't just snatch his chances of ever finding love out of pure spite.

But once again, ever since the whole 'hangout with gayatri' thing has been going on you've never really hangout or talk to each other as much as you used to.

The only time you would have a conversation would be on WhatsApp where you would text like two random people who just got each other's number.

You weren't sure if it was on purpose or not but you were still glad to be able to see him again, "actually, can you come with me this time?"

What?

"You mean third wheel? Yea, no thanks." as mean as it sounded, who in the right mind would want hear their longtime crush trying to get it on with their friend? Or anyone in that matter.

"I'm not talking about sitting with us! Just like, watch and be there with me for emotional support."

"Why now? you've went on date with her multiple times already haven't you? you didn't even ask me to go with you during your first time!" he sighed before placing his arms on your shoulders. Looking you right in the eye like he used to, but this time he wasn't looking for your reaction instead he wanted you to see his, to take what he had to say seriously.

Taking in a deep breath, he spoke,"I'm planning on confessing today."

....

Oh.

That sentence alone made your heart beat faster from anger as the walls of realization came crashing down on you.

you knew you should've said something.

you knew you should've made a move.

But you didn't, So you couldn't blame him right? It was his heart and he knew who he wanted it belong to.

You couldn't control his fate nor could you control yours, as in the story written by the one you were just meant to be someone who admired him as he admired someone else.

It took everything in you to not break down at that moment as you avoided making eye contact with him, "yea, I'll be there."

He smiled softly before placing a kiss on your forehead, a gesture he has done multiple times that always made you flustered but now you just felt dull.

"We'll be at the regular cafe, okay?" you nodded, waiting for him to leave you alone in his home once again but for a complete different reason.

He gave you one last look before finally living.

Fuck life.

⏤͟͟͞͞☆

They talked and laughed, clearly enjoying their time together. But, for some reason his mind was still on you. He knew you were there watching, following his instructions from before but he wanted you near to him, he wanted to see you, to hear you, feel you, everything.

Was his feelings towards you really platonic? I mean, it's not weird to think of your friend as attractive and loveable right?

Should he leave? I mean whats the point on confessing if his mind was on someone else as well?

But he didn't just wanna leave early because of that..

"HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE!" A citizen yelled as a crowd of gut wrenching screams that slowly started to get louder was followed.

Everyone that was in the cafe began to scatter towards the door making it a struggle for anyone to get through.

Seems like fate decided to choose for him.

Remember how i said everyone went towards the front door? Well, it was everyone except gayatri.

She quickly got up and grabbed pavitr's hand, attempting to lead him towards the back door along with her, but he didn't budge.

"I'm going for y/n. You just get somewhere safe okay?" she looked at him with pure fear and concern in her eyes,"What? She was here?"

Oh right, she didn't know.

"She's smart, she would've left by now and so should we!" she said, trying to pull him again but failed miserably, "You really need to go, gayatri. I'll be fine." he said with his honey tone voice that completely swooed her.

She was hesitant but nodded and left anyway .

✰

He couldn't see you, he couldn't hear you or sense you anywhere no matter how hard he tried. Everything was fine, everything was resolved and everyone was saved.

Everyone except you.

It wasn't that dangerous of a villan and he was captured, so where were you?

He checked inside your apartment, you weren't there.

Maybe your parents house? No

Your friends houses? Still no.

You weren't answering your phone either, did something happen to you? Did one of the villains minion get to you? But why you? He never slipped up and went to your house in his uniform before. Did they somehow find out his identity? But that's not possible... Maybe It was his hair?...

Sighing on the rooftop of a random, he went towards your apartment one more time thinking that maybe there was a tiny chance you were there and boy was he glad he did.

You were there, not in your room but on the rooftop and just seeing you, alive and okay, lifted a huge weight off his shoulder.

he wasted absolutely no time to start swinging towards you as fast as he could, as if if he didn't capture in less than a minute you would disappear like sand in the wind, jumping and leeching onto you like a cat after his last swing.

"Wha–? Spiderman?"

your voice. He loved your voice so much but it sounded weak and fragile, were you crying?

"Spider man?" you asked again. He wanted to kiss you so bad, to make whatever it was that made you cry go away. Completely oblivious to the fact he was the reason.

Maybe his feelings towards you weren't platonic.

"I love him but I don't wanna."

╞══════════╡

Part 3

He forget he spiderman while spidermaning

[dootdootwriting]

Doot, absolutely love your writing❤ I have a request.

I need some angst if your feeling up to it. Can I have an unrequited love scenario with any of the Genshin men of your choosing? How do they handle your polite rejection? Who continues to love you from afar? Who is down for you so bad and takes this rejection to heart? Like "Did I do something in the past to make you upset with me? Do you love someone else?? I promise I could make you happy."

A lot of potential, what do you think?

featuring: childe; neuvilette; scaramouche; tighnari (separate) tw: some stalkery shit + cursing in scaramouche's, childe not giving a shit????, letting them down ofc, brief mention of one-night stands (non-specified) in childe's type: angst, sfw pronouns used: none a/n: i went through my inbox this morning and saw this and was like. well. forget college im doing this. ALSO IM SO ANGRY AT HOW THEY PRONOUNCE NEUVILETTE IN THIS GAME.... poor guy

CHILDE -> the "well, at least i gave it a shot!"

he's prepared himself for this, honestly

being a harbinger and away all the time means that while he does enjoy the occasional dinner date or one-night stand, he'd be the first to admit to himself that he's not the best candidate for a serious relationship

still, he had to give it a shot!

you'd have to be pretty special to get him to even think about asking you out for real, too

so, all this to say he isn't surprised when you let him down gently and give him an apologetic smile

oh, well. he'll find someone else

he can have his pick of who he wants. he travels around for work!

and he knew you'd probably say no, anyway

so... then, why does it still sting a little?

SCARAMOUCHE -> the confused + furious

what? sorry??

have you been leading him on this whole time or something? what is your fucking problem?

on the inside, he's fuming. he's harbored these feelings for you for months and you're just... what, throwing him out with the trash?

(of course, this isn't the case, and you've been perfectly polite about rejecting him, letting him down slowly with a sweet apology)

on the outside, however, he doesn't let it show. he gives a huff and pulls his hat down over his face, turning away and refusing to meet your gaze

"fine. i never cared that much anyway."

this is A LIE.

for the next week, no matter how much he tries to distract himself, all scaramouche can think about is where he went wrong.

he can't figure it out by himself, so he turns to observation

he watches you, as you go about your day-to-day life, having almost completely forgotten him.

one of these days, he'll ask again. and you'll say yes.

NEUVILLETTE -> the admirer from a distance

"ah, i see. very well then, i understand. i'll see you around then, i suppose."

he gives you a very curt, polite nod, and turns around, walking away as briskly as he can without appearing too embarrased

it's honestly very cute.

while neuvillette does his best to be respectful of your boundaries, he still can't stop himself from occasionally keeping an eye on you when he's around, just to make sure you're doing okay

if you eventually do find another partner, he does his best to abandon this behavior, able to convince himself that you'll be okay without him now that you have someone else.

if you ever run into him, neuvillette will be perfectly kind to you, but he'll leave as soon as possible. he wants to be as respectful as he can

you never said you couldn't be friends, but he never saw you that way, and it's all he can do not to get on his knees and beg

TIGHNARI -> the "forget it ever happened"

you'd have to have been friends with him for quite a while to even get to this point, honestly.

so when he asks you out, you're surprised, and a little confused

and when you gently let him down, he's just as surprised as you were when he asked

for some reason, he'd come to the conclusion you also had feelings for him... and now that he knows you don't he's so embarrassed that he feels like digging himself a hole in the forest floor and laying in it for at least the next month.

but instead, he just flushes a bright shade of red and shakes his head furiously to try and ground himself.

"ah, i'm really sorry then, i get it. just forget i ever asked."

tighnari would much rather stay as close to you as he can be. and while "just friends" isn't anywhere close to his ideal label, it would have to do.

[runningfrom2am]

all i think about is karma

summary: you and rafe take on a mainland bush party where he knows no one, and you know too many people for his liking.

this can be read as a stand-alone but it's technically a part four to getaway car, big reputation, and this is why we can’t have nice things.

pairing: rafe x fem!reader

wc: 2.1k

tags/warnings: jealous!rafe, highschool au, (some) nondescript nudity, cursing, mean kook!reader, underage drinking, (i think that’s it??)

a/n: hey y’all!! sorry i haven’t posted anything in a little while, i’ve been busy but now im back home and on my usual schedule so there shouldn’t be any serious interruptions for a little while. i missed y’all and i hope you like this! this is what won my getaway car poll quite some time ago so im so happy to finally get it out!

"No, Y/N/N, I'll be fine. I don't want to dampen your week, you'll have so much fun!" Bella insists, adjusting where her phone is laying in her lap while she lays in bed, surrounded by tissues and snack wrappers. She came down with the flu at the worst possible time: right before you were meant to go on your spring break trip.

"It won't be the same without you! I should just stay home, I can come over and we can have a movie marathon or something. That'll be just as fun." You reply, watching her through the facetime camera while you sit at your vanity.

"No. Absolutely not. You're going- and you'll get to hangout with Rafe! It's worth it for me to get all the juicy details after." Bella giggles, sniffling and quickly wiping her nose.

You roll your eyes, rubbing your forehead. "Okay, yeah, but nothings gonna happen- you know I swore that off."

"Yeah, whatever. The two of you, alone, drunk and sharing a tent? Whatever you say." Your friend teases you. "It's actually worth it for me to stay home so you can come back with tea."

"Okay, fine," You agree, not admitting that the idea is very tempting. "But I'm not sleeping with him again."

"No! Of course not." Bella laughs, shaking her head. "But if you did, at least be safe this time. We don't need a repeat of what happened last time-"

"Okay! Okay! Bye, Bella I'll call you later!" You quickly cut her off, hanging up the phone.

Several long hours after texting Rafe the update that Bella wasn't going to make it, you found yourself in his truck on the mainland, driving into what seems to be the middle of nowhere for a bush party you caught word of from some friends you met playing soccer on a local team. You were excited to see them, and meet some new people, but you're honestly so glad Rafe still wanted to go. You'd rather not go alone if you didn't have to.

Judging by the large space in front of you full of various groups of kids your age putting tents together or starting fires around makeshift campsites at the edge of the water, you assume you're in the right place and get to work setting up your own tent off near the edge of the lake.

It wasn't long before the sun started to set over the abandoned gravel pit, and you just finish up when you crack open your first drink from the cooler. "So like... are we actually going to talk to anyone or just hide over here and be weird all night?" Rafe asks as you bring the can to your lips.

You roll your eyes a little and nod. "Well, duh. My friends are coming. I don't know what your plans are." Rafe looks around at that, seeing if there's anyone he might be able to talk to, but he was counting on hanging out with you.

"Wow, you're ditching me?" He asks, reaching into the cooler as well and grabbing a beer. "Cold."

You go to reply with a matching, somewhat snarky attitude the two of you almost always share when you recognize the purple jeep that's pulling in. "That's them! Good luck making friends!" You call back, jogging over to where they parked.

Rafe flips you off as you turn your full attention to your friends, sighing a little to himself as he lays eyes on a group of local boys who look enough like his friends that he's comfortable talking to them.

By the time that the area is lit only by the orange glow coming from the several cooking fires and the large bonfire everyone is centered around, you're already stumbling over your feet with a half-drank bottle of some liquor you didn't bring, and you're not even sure where you got it.

Rafe has been trying to keep an eye on you from a distance, but now he's lost you. He's drunk himself, so he's not overly concerned, but he would just at least like to know where you were. He looks around frantically, trying to keep his cool as the boys around him are laughing about something he didn't care to pay attention to. His eyes land on some figures out in the lake, and he squints to see if he can make out the shape of your hair in the dark. He takes a few steps away to get a closer look, hearing you laughing and shouting over the music coming from an on shore speaker. He walks down to the shore with a smug look on his face, polishing off his beer when he looks down and notices piles of clothes on the shore. Are you naked?

"Hey, Y/N!" Rafe shouts, waving to you in an attempt to grab your attention.

"Rafe!" You shout back, smile never fading as you push your wet hair out of your face. With the liquor warming you, the water feels amazing and so soft on your skin. "Come out here! Come join us!"

Rafe sighs as he finds your stuff, relieved to find only your shirt, shorts, and bra. At least you weren't fully naked in front of all these strangers. He strips of everything but his boxers and grabs your bra, wading out into the cool lake water to you and your friends as they cheer and laugh.

"Rafe! Where have you been?" You giggle, throwing your arms over his shoulders once he gets close enough for you to reach.

"I've been around- apparently I should have been babysitting you ladies." He chuckles, trying to hide any frustration in his tone as he avoids looking at your friends who are just as well clothed as you are. "Put this on, at least." He adds, pulling away from you and handing you the article of clothing, crossing his arms to watch you put it on despite his better judgement.

"Hey! Girls! Come on in, we're going to play chandelier!" One of the guys Rafe had the pleasure of talking to for the last couple hours shouts, and quickly everyone makes their way in to shore.

"Y/N, hey, we don't want you to get sick. Come warm up." Rafe turns his head as he gets his shirt back on, watching as one of the other guys, Jesse, is quickly wrapping you in a small blanket and guiding you up to the bonfire with a hand on your lower back. He scowls at the two of you behind your back, following as he urges you up the small hill and towards the large fire pit ahead.

You walk side by side with the boy, until you can feel the warmth of the flames on your skin where you stop and stand to dry off both your skin and what little clothing you have on. You don't know you're shivering until Jesse is tugging on the blanket around your shoulders. "Here, let me help you warm up.." He chuckles, wrapping his arms around you from behind and draping the blanket over both of you.

"Oh, thanks, Jesse." You say, teeth chattering from the soft breeze. You lean back into him, swaying from the alcohol still in your system and he steadies you.

"Anytime, sweetheart." He mumbles, pressing his lips to the back of your head.

You are well aware of his hands wandering, fiddling with the waistband of your underwear as you have your arms crossed tightly over your chest. You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as you gaze across the fire and your eyes land on Rafe, who's staring at you intently.

You smile and wave at him, but he just rolls his eyes in response and looks away. Is he upset with you for ditching him? In hindsight it wasn't very nice, even if that is the kind of relationship you normally have. If it was you you'd be upset- he didn't know anyone, and he was left to fend for himself, granted; he was clearly fine.

"Hey, Ashley?" You find yourself calling over to your other friend, but she doesn't hear you as your eyes well up with tears. Why do you feel so bad right now? Does Rafe being upset with you really bother you that much? You've hardly felt like this before.

"Ashley?" You ask again, but she hardly glances at you as she's got another boy draped over her shoulder- one who is definitely not the girls boyfriend.

"You okay?" Jesse asks, leaning his head over your shoulder to get a better look at you.

"Uhm, yeah, I just have to go to the bathroom and I was hoping she would come with me." You explain, watching Rafe again as he buries himself in conversation with the two girls standing next to him.

"I'll take you." Jesse offers. "Come on, I won't watch. Swear." He says, already guiding you away and tossing the blanket back to his friend.

You glance back at Rafe over your shoulder as Jesse walks you off into the dark. Just as you look forward again to try and watch your step, Jesse's hand is smacking your butt playfully, making you jump. You laugh it off and give him a shove, but he's grabbing your hand and pulling you in the direction of his truck.

The swing of Jesse's arm to where his hand hit your exposed skin drew Rafe's attention again fully, and he furrows his brow as he watches you stumble away. You were sharing a tent with him and you were really about to hook up with that mainland loser? He quickly downs the rest of his beer and storms after you, fists clenched at his sides after discarding the bottle on a nearby pong table.

"Hey!" Rafe shouts, making the two of you turn just as Jesse backs you up against the side of his truck and starts kissing down your neck. You're confused, but not one to turn down an opportunity like this- especially when you never have to see him again. As soon as Jesse turns his head, though, it's snapped back again with the contact of Rafe's fist into his nose.

He groans and quickly brings his hands up to his face, tipping his head back as blood pours from between his fingers. You gasp, reaching out for him but hesitating, not sure what to do.

"You think you can hook up with any girl who accepts a blanket from you when she's cold? She came here with me." Rafe spits, and you feel your features pull into an expression of anger as you quickly step towards him and shove him back. "What?"

"Come on." You mutter, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the now bleeding boy. "What the fuck was that about?" You ask, storming back to where your shared tent was in the corner. "Do you think you have some stupid claim over me just because you drove me here?"

Rafe rolls his eyes, stopping with you next to the tent as you drop his arm and turn to face him. "He was taking advantage of you!"

You scoff, shaking your head and crossing your arms. "No, Rafe. He wasn't. Did you ever consider that maybe I wanted that?"

"Whatever, Y/N- don't act like you weren't eyeing me up for the whole drive here."

"Oh. My. God." You find yourself laughing suddenly, realizing what this is about. "You were jealous."

"What? No I wasn't." Rafe replies defensively.

You smile at him cockily, tilting your head and waiting for him to spiral on it.

"I wasn't! I tried to help. That's what I get, I guess!" Rafe throws his hands up.

"And here I was thinking you were mad at me for ditching you. Turns out you were just horny." You smirk, knowing you were just pushing his buttons this time for fun.

"Oh, fuck off, Y/N, you're just trying to piss me off now for fun."

"You're not denying it." You shrug, looking back over to the fire for a moment, seeing Jesse sitting there with paper towel pressed to his nose and a few girls surrounding him.

"You're making it difficult not to be when you’re walking around like that.” He replies, smirking as he looks you up and down.

“Don’t be gross, Rafe.” You smile, dropping your arms from they were crossed over your chest.

He takes a step closer at that, delicately placing his hands on your hips. “You love it, Y/N/N, you know you do.”

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie , @whore-4-drewstarkey , @slut4drudy , @winterrrnight , @totalswag , @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron , @urfaveluvr , @chenslucy , @hxnnah-397 , @s-we-e-t-t-ea , @tahliac11 , @ragingsammie , @ietss, @dee127

[bonesandthebees]

Okay fuck it. I think scrolling for hours today is enough DJFKGKFK I'll just log back out. I wanna focus my energy on more positive things

Im so gonna log back in the minute my friend sends me another tweet but HDKGKGKD no. I will do my best. He's not worth our time man.

Okay one more tiny rant about him and then I promise I'll stop I just OOOHHMYGODHFJGKG HE JUST. I had so much hope. That. He would reply and it wouldn't fix things, I wouldn't go back to watching him or anything but at the very least I could get closure that like? Maybe his closer friends would be able to heal and move on? Idk if that's parasocial or whatever but he was such a big role model for me the past few years I really had hope that at least some parts of it were real, you know? And instead we just find out that he not only did these shitty things but didn't fucking learn and did it to other people too and??? It's really really upsetting that he created this safe space, this community of people who were all so lovely while just being. Fake. The whole time. And he doesn't even have the gull to properly apologise and I just??#?# idk what to do with my emotions LMFAO I'd finally started to feel better and like move on but now today I'm just angry again grgrgfhfjdkdk and I totally get that like him being a complete dickhead is easier in a lot of ways bc there's no. Doubting it. Or anything. Like there's no redeeming him. And we can get closure from that. But fuckkk it hurts so badly and the tl is a mess of ppl being like "well this person would never do me wrong" and then ppl being like "fuck every YouTuber ever actually. We can't ever be sure we know them" and LIKE!$?_?$?

Dude I am so conflicted on so many levels rn I feel like my entire world has just been yeeted into the sun LMFAODKFKFKFK

Anyways. Anyways. Thank you bee. Ur tumblr is the only account w a brain rn fr lmfaodjfkfkfks

I get it, I'm fucking furious at him. he had a chance to at least own up to what he did. I wouldn't have gone back to consuming his content, but I could be somewhat at peace knowing he was taking steps towards being better.

I don't want to think it was all a lie, because abusers aren't all completely evil people. the thing is, wilbur is human. a very shitty human, but human nonetheless. and we can't know for sure how healthy or unhealthy every relationship in his life has ever been and I think overanalyzing that or trying to figure out what was fake and what was real isn't really our business or worth our time. wilbur is a guy who has hurt a lot of people, but also refuses to recognize the hurt he's caused. that's it.

I do hate the dichotomy I'm seeing between people trying to prop up their own favorite white boys on a pedestal because apparently people never learn, but also going out and saying every content creator is inherently evil and we shouldn't trust any of them. these people are human. they're all going to fuck up at some point, some worse than others. and sometimes they'll fuck up in a way that they can move past and we can forgive them for, and other times they'll fuck up in a way that shows they shouldn't have the platform they have. they're not all terrible, and they're not all perfect. that's what we should be keeping in mind for the future.

[one-annon]

im so sorry about my absence!! i've been a little busy so i haven't been able to get to requests but i promise i'll start working on them again around this weekend!! instead here's a book i wrote a while ago about the twins to keep you guys fed! i also wrote it on a computer with auto caps so if its a little different from my writing style please forgive me..i also got a bit lazy toward the end i apologize! warning for tcm spoilers kinda choptop coming home

Bobby sighed heavily, finally getting off the plane. He was glad he was able to finally be done with the war. Of course, he only served about three years but missed his family - what can he say? Not only that, but he missed his records. According to the letters his twin sent, he kept them safe in the room they used to share. He was the only one to write.

Drayton, his oldest brother, was supposed to pick him up from the airport. It was a fairly long drive, but he didn’t mind. Apparently, while he was gone, they set themselves up well. Made a name for the family. Drayton won the best chili competition twice! Twice!

The short man scrambled around baggage claim, quickly grabbing his stuff before waiting outside for his brother. He got odd looks, of course. Nothing new. He had gained a metal plate in his head during his time serving - the result of a piece of his head being cut (getting a chunk of your head cut with a machete really freakin’ hurts!)

About 20 minutes passed before a blue Chevrolet c-10 Silverado pulled in front of him, his brother in the driver’s seat.

Bobby tilted his head, pulling the passenger door open and slipping into the seat. “This is new,” he stated, slamming the door shut and setting his bags in the back seat.

Drayton grinned at him “like it?”

He laughs softly, nodding. He looked around the truck. “Where’s bubba? And nubbins?”

The way drayton’s expression fell didn't go unnoticed by the veteran. “Oh.” he started, shifting the truck into drive and moving out of the way of others. “..they’re at home,” he answered simply. “Taking care of Grandpa.”

That made sense. Grandpa needed someone to watch him. He was old.

He gave a soft nod.

The two fell into a comfortable silence (for the younger, at least). It was fairly unusual for the sawyers to be quiet but bobby was tired and drayton had too many thoughts in his head.

How would he react when he found out what happened?

“Now- bobby..uh..you realize some things have..changed..since you left.” Drayton tried to be careful with his words. It wasn’t all the time he was soft with his younger brothers but-..this felt different. He had just been through war. He watched his friends die right in front of him. On top of that - nubbins had-

“I know!” he smiles at him. “I-I’m quite ready to see what you guys have been cookin’!!” 

There it was. That quietness.

“Yknow, i made a friend.” bobby mentions softly. “He always called me chop top. Gave it to me in the hosp-hospital!”

Drayton just nods.

“He was real sweet, gave me one of his records - he did! A-a Beatles one! ‘Sargeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band’.” he leaned back slightly, “that’s the one with the song that people say is related to LSDs!!” he grins, looking over to his brother as he rests his hands behind his head. “Though it actually originated from John Lennon’s son’s drawing.”

Drayton let him ramble on, letting him be happy for the moments before the storm.

He couldn't focus on what Bobby was saying, just staring blankly at the road.

“That’s nice, Bobby.” He mumbled.

The younger frowned, watching him. “You’re being awfully quiet.” He spoke softly, his eyes full of worry as he stared.

Drayton swallowed hard “don’t worry about it, boy.” 10 minutes. Just 10 more minutes.

The truck fell silent again. More of an uncomfortable silence now.

It didn’t take long for the duo to get there. Home.

“What happened?” bobby asked as he set his shaky hand on the door handle.

“It’s a long story.” Drayton grumbled, shutting the truck off before opening his own side’s door and stepping out.

Bobby followed soon after, retrieving his bags from the back seat. He meets his brother at the front door, grinning. He was excited to see the rest of his family. Especially his twin. He doesn’t know how to explain it but they’re..connected. Not just by blood but it feels like they can finish each other’s thoughts without even needing context. 

Twins can read each others mind. His sergeant had said when they were eating lunch. Hell yeah. They could do that.

Drayton sighs heavily as he opened the door. “Welcome home, Bobby.”

The taller quickly ran into the house “bubba!” he shouts “nubbins!!”

There was a loud clatter. Then excited screaming. Then out came bubba, all grown up; wearing a fancy new tie and a yellow rubber apron and..

Bobby was tackled, pulled into a tight hug. Bubba babbled out sobs, squeezing him much too tight. 

“Hi bubba!” he laughs, wrapping his arms around his brother’s large frame. If you ask if he cried, he’d obviously say no..but he’s lying. Tears were shed as he held his younger brother. “You’ve grown!” he pointed out, grinning at him.

Bubba nods quickly, moving off and standing to show his height growth. Choptop chuckled and stood beside him “almost as tall as me, bub!”

Drayton smiled at the two, staying quiet.

“Where’s nubs?” Choptop suddenly asked, looking around “he ain’t surprising me is he?” The tall veteran searched the remains of the home, calling his twin’s name “Nubbins! Nubbins!! Fuck are you?!”

The eldest brother watched as Choptop called for his twin. He knew he had to tell him but how would he? Bobby would lose his mind if he found out. Drayton knew he would eventually find the corpse. He didn’t dare toss it. Not without Bobby saying goodbye first.

His first clue of his twin’s disappearance was the way Bubba looked at Cook. He was scared. Not just scared to be yelled at or hit like normal but scared of something else. Had Drayton done something to him while he was away?

Drayton had been unusually quiet. Was it because he was guilty of something? Did he do something to Nubbins? Bobby started to get worried. Not to mention how frustrated he was. Why couldn’t they just tell him dammit?! Where was his twin?? “He’s gone.” Cook spoke up.

Bobby’s eyes watered. Gone? Like - gone to town? Gone hitchhiking? Dead?

He saw a lot of death in Vietnam. Whether it be his own men or the enemies. This was different. This was his twin. The man who had been there with him since they were born. The boy who slept in the same bed as him; right side, facing the wall, hugging a pillow, hogging the blankets. If Nubbins was dead who the hell was gonna force him to have to get up and sleep with a quilt? Who was gonna kick him awake in his sleep?

“He..he aint dead right?” 

Bobby’s voice cracked. He wasn’t used to speaking with such urgency. He’s not used to losing his spark - his chipper tone he always held when he experienced something terrible. No, he was panicked. His voice shook as he asked his question, hoping - praying -  the answer would be a simple no. There had to be an explanation. Nubbins couldn’t be dead.

The silence told him everything he needed to know. No one would speak to him. Bobby choked on his sobs, instead changing his question to: “Where is he?”

Cook pointed to the stairs. He had left Nubbins on the twins’ bed. Undisturbed. He was peaceful even after what he had gone through. Bubba cowered, moving to the side as Choptop sprinted up the stairs. He took a sharp left. The other two didn’t follow. He needed his moment alone. 

Bobby slammed the door to their room open, flinging himself at the bed. He wrapped his skinny arms around his twin’s rotting body. The smell was awful. Nothing he hadn’t experienced before. “Nubbins!” He cried, forcing the covers off of the body. He held his twin close to his body, sob after sob wracking through his chest. He felt awful. He was supposed to be the responsible twin. He was supposed to be the one protecting his brother - even when Drayton was away. He knew Nubbins was harder to care for. He took on the challenge. And he failed.

He had been gone 3 years. He was only 25. Nubbins was only 25. God knows how long he’s just been sitting here. Choptop muttered to himself, begging Nubbins to wake up. It was like those nights again. Back when they were kids and when Bobby would have a bad dream. Nubbins always held him tight and Bobby did the same when Nubbins had a nightmare. He always held Nubbins close, made sure he would stop crying before Drayton or Ma came upstairs.

“I’ve - I’ve got you Nubs.” He whispered, face buried in the rotting hair. “Y-you’re okay. I’m home.”

It wasn’t until a week later that Drayton and Bubba saw Choptop. He had been keeping himself tucked away in his room since he found out. Somewhere he was safe. With someone he felt safe with. A corpse he felt safe with. Choptop trudged down the stairs, his usual cheery and manic tone back in action. He held the corpse close to his side. Drayton was in the kitchen at the time, cooking some poor soul into chili. “M-me n’ Nubbins are gonna go out!” He called. Drayton glanced over his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed.

“What the hell?” Bobby already had the door open before he could say anything more. “Let’s haul butt, bro!”

[winryrockbellwannabe]

[25-31 may 2024] - no phone week 📵

Hello hello,

so, you may or may not have realized that I haven't post that much this last week. That's bc I've realized I've been spending a scary amount of time on my phone, and Im trying to reduce it in the most drastic way possible: deleting all apps from my phone

But, ofc, just switching to spending hours on my pc wouldn't be any better so i blocked some more distracting websites (i'm looking at you ao3), and got tumblr on the most agressive-towards-my-eyes theme possible so that I wouldn't be tempted to spend too much time in here.

This last week's screen time: saturday: 2h21 sunday: 4h04 monday: 2h20 tuesday: 3h50 wednesday: 5h53 - had a weakness moment and spent 3h10 on ao3 thursday: 3h35 (+ 4 hours on a video call, but I'm not counting that bc I was studying with a friend) friday: 3h30

So, what have I learned:

- First of all, I was originally low key unhappy about this, but then I realized my average screen time before this week was usually over 5 hours, which only happened once this week, so not that bad - this takes us to our second conclusion: I definitely spend too much time looking at this eletronic rectangle. And while I love it a lot for what it does for me - allows me to read about my blorbos, to talk to my friends and family, and a lot of other stuff, wasting regularly 5 hours on it is a bit too much for me personally

Where am I spending all this time?

- Shamefully, it's on ao3. Even on the lowest days, I spend at least half an hour in there. And while I love ao3, spending an average of over an hour and half on a daily basis during exams is a terrible terrible idea, but that is super hard for me to avoid. - The other problem is youtube. I am addicted to asmr to be able to fall asleep, but sometimes Im weak and I look at the screen during the video, and it makes me start reading or texting while I should be sleeping. And youtube shorts are also a problem.

Still, Im really happy with how productive I was this week and with my efforts to not spend that much time on my phone

Will definitely going to do more towards this during the next week, and I'll probably start posting daily again for accountability. And that's it, see you guyss <3

[hyunchanstan]

I'LL BE YOUR FIRST LOVE : chapter 1

[GENERAL]: single!dad!chan x fem!reader, strangers to lovers, smut (warning in each chapter) . fluff, Chan is readers first love

[ WARNINGS IN THIS CHAPTER]: mentions of death, mentions of car accident, hospital, reader has depression, nightmare (let me know if I forgot something)

[ AUTHOR'S NOTE]: Hiiiii, it took me a bit longer to write this new chapter cuz i was super busy. Im rlly excited to post this. Thank u guys for the activity on my last post, luv u all!!

!english is not my first language so I apologize if there are any mistakes!

You were currently sitting at some cheap airport café, staring on a plain white wall. You took a sip of your americano as you were examining the cracks on the wall in front of you – it reminded you of your heart now. Back then, when the airport was built, the walls were all new and without any cracks -just like your heart when you were young-. But after so many years the walls started to crack because of how much they went trough -just like your heart now-.

---‐----------------------‐---------------------------------------♡----------‐-----‐-------------------------------------------------

You took another sip of your ice americano and the cold liquid going down your throat woke you up from your 10 minutes-long zoning out session. You were overthinking again. You didn't know if this was a good idea because you wanted to forget about past three weeks and start a new life, but at the same time you were scared that all the good memories with your parents will stay in France, left behind.

You took your purse and went to the plane. You didn't even have a backpack because you didn't take any makeup or skin care with you on the plane - you were sick of everything, you didn't even have the energy to take care of yourself. But it wasn't like you cared anyways, you were glad that you were still alive.

You sat down into your seat and slept through the whole flight.

Flashback

"Mom?...Dad?...", you shouted from the front door as it seemed like nobody was home. You took off your shoes and went further in the apartment but nobody was there. You still lived with your parents because they were like best friends to you. You didn't have any other friends besides your mom and dad, you felt safe and comfortable with them.

"Mom? I'm home...", you shouted once again but still no response. It was weird because it was already 9PM - you just came back from your dance practice - and they still weren't home when they usually come back home from work around 6PM.

You went to the living room, with an uneasy feeling, you grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. You liked to do that when you were home alone because you didn't like silence so that there was always same noise in the background. You went to the kitchen to make yourself something to eat while listening to the TV.

"Welcome back after a short break. You can therefore see the collision of a car with a bus from the live broadcast. A few minutes ago, an ambulance came to the place where the accident happened too, but the older couple didnt survive the brutal crash by the bus. Based on the shopping bags in the trunk of the car, we think that the couple was going back from the store only few blocks away from here when the bus hit them from the side and the cap flipped on its roof. The driver brake his ligaments and his wife didn't survive serious head injuries...".

It caught your attention and you went back to the living room. You looked at the TV and that was the moment your heart broke into million ting pieces no one will ever be able to stick together again - or at least you thought.

' No... It can't be... It's not...‘, you thought in your head. The car that was flipped on its roof was your dads car. You quickly ran out without any shoes or hoodie on to go check your dads garage. There was no car, that means your parents went somewhere. You couldn’t believe it was them so you ran to the place where the accident happened only a couple of minutes ago.

You saw your dads car flipped on its roof in the middle of the road. There were plenty of people around watching and recording the whole situation, but you were still searching for the two specific people until... You saw them lying on the side of the road as two policemen were just covering then with white sheets.

You still couldn’t believe. They were gone... for good. You didn't have anyone now. The people you loved the most are really not here anymore?.....

You ran to the two motionless bodies on the side of the road and ineeded down beside them as you broke down into tears. You took your moms hand while praying that this is all just a stupid nightmare and you will wake up soon. But that never happened. As one of the policemen was trying to tale you away from there you took your moms ring off of her finger and put it into your pocket - it was her engagement ring your dad gave her.

You sat down in the grass and watched the whole situation from afar still tasting the salty tears on your lips. You didn't actually feel that you were crying, you didn't feel anything at all - you felt numb, you felt like everything died inside of you. THAT is the only thing you felt.

"Ma'am... Wake up...", you suddenly heard from afar. You looked around trying to find the lady who called you.

End of flashback

You woke up breathing heavily, tears streaming down your face like waterfalls. You had another nightmare. You wiped your tears trying to calm down. You see them everytime you try to sleep - that's the reason why you didn't sleep at all for the past three weeks, you're tired. Really tired - of your life.

You got off of the plane and waited for your suitcase to arrive. Few minutes later you were already sitting in a taxi on your way to your new apartment. You paid the driver for the ride and got out of the car. You took your suitcase and looked at the huge modern-looking building in front of you - your new life.

[shootingstarrfish]

Hi I wanted to ask one of my fav obey me artists this question: Least favorite to favorite characters? If you wanna say why, that'd be cool. If anything! Please have a nice day!

hii there!!! dearest anon stop being so nice you're going to make me cry AHSHDHD thank you,,, <33333

but what a fun question! for anyone who doesn't want to read my stupid long explanation for each character i will leave this tierlist here! all tiers (except the first tier) are organised by most to least liked within the tier from left to right

no i dont hate lucifer, it's just facebook relationship status (aka complicated <3)

i have plenty of opinions though so i'll go ahead and give some explanations too!! >:D under the cut because there's a lot of rambling here LOL

some of the list is a bit boring because i cant really say i hate or even dislike any characters, and i don't wanna be mean about any characters just cause they're not necessarily my favourites so!

that being said lucifer pisses me off to a comical degree and he absolutely doesn't belong at the bottom but my feelings about him are so ridiculously complicated i don't know where else he belongs? i wish so badly that i could hate him in an uncomplicated way and move on but as an eldest sibling he's such a personal attack on me and i hate it. he's me, i'm him it's horrible. every time i start to think "ahh he's not that bad" he opens his mouth and makes me regret thinking that. i still think about the time i chose to kiss him on the ferris wheel and he held his hand out after and i took it and he said it reminded him of his dead sister, i will never stop holding it against him. he deserves to be loved and taken care of and he also should be thrown off a cliff. im quite certain if i had to assign myself a sin i would pick pride and i hate it >:( (this is all very lighthearted lol)

diavolo used to viscerally annoy me for no good reason when i first started the game, but over time he's grown on me and i'd say now i'm neutral-positive on him!! no idea why i hated him, i was just very salty for no reason hahaha i've recently come to appreciate his character a lot more, im very :( about how lonely he must be and i want him to have more genuine friends please solmare

i think mephisto really is just the kind of character i need to see more of to like, he's very interesting to read character analyses of (and kinda relatable tbh?) but i just need more in game is all! i love his silly lil poses those are real fun, and he is pretty

levi is another i also used to hate out of nowhere? i was neutral on him initially and then i suddenly hated him with a burning passion until one of my friends told me she really loved him and im physically incapable of hating a character my friends love so we're chill again HAHA slowly beginning to like him though! what a pathetic sopping wet cat of a man, it's GREAT

OUUGHH i so badly wanna be able to love beel more, it hurts me to have to put him here but unfortunately this is the way it is... i think it's more accurate to say i love the idea of beel? and ive noticed i really like him everywhere that isnt the game, which again is unfortunate :,)))

LUKE IS MY SON he is babyyyyyyy that's all i have to say <333 my precious lil sonboy he deserves the whole entire world

everyone loves mammon, and i am no exception :D he's not necessarily my type hence why he's neatly placed right in the middle but ugh i love a guy who tries and fails miserably to act tough but is super sweet inside, what a guy <3 ok i flip flopped between putting satan and simeon in the love tier because i am so very fond of both of them, but that's too many characters up there so imagine they're both in a weird tier purgatory between the 2 LOL

i am in fact going to marry simeon and then we will raise luke together it's a fact simeon is everything he's pretty and beautiful and a very complex and interesting character ahhh

SATAN MY LOVE he's a very interesting case to me in that i feel on paper he should be the kind of character who would be on the top of the list! he's smart and kind and unhinged and would kill for you and he likes cats!!! truly husband material i adore him

im going to marry thirteen, thanks for listening to my ted talk <3 my darling beautiful wife who would laugh hysterically if i fell down the stairs i love u thirteen <3333333 we will be wed tomorrow and we will live the dream in her silly lil cave of pranks and curses

i dont know what it is about raphael but i adore him??? is it the wet kitten swag? the done with life expression? his ridiculous outfit? i couldnt tell you but i saw him for the first time and i was immediately obsessed everything i learn about him just makes me more obsessed, i love the fact that he enjoys solomons cooking, the way he's good at sewing and is kind but kinda scary, what a fun character

i could talk endlessly about solomon oh how i love this silly househusband wizard guy i was pretty neutral on him in the og game, and then he swiftly stole my heart in nightbringer and now i would eat his terrible cooking any day of the week just to see him smile <3 if i die seeing him happy that's probably the best way to go out all his calls and messages are sooo cute and they make me melt im in love please just one chance...

barbatos and solomon are typically equal on the list i'd say? but the barbatos brainrot is hitting harder now so he gets to be ever so slightly higher this once hahaha barbs is another that took a while to grow on me, not that i ever disliked him or anything but i definitely overlooked him at first! design wise i absolutely LOVE him, his demon form is definitely one of my absolute favourites. the unique but still put together suit?? the ruffles?? the bone wing horns?? ugh he's just very pretty, and SO interesting as well love a calm collected guy who totally has the potential to destroy you if he so wishes but has a soft spot for you

and of course, real shocker im sure, at the tippy top of the list would be asmo and belphie my beloveds <333 i love them both equally and i could never put one above the other i actually started playing obey me for belphie because one of my favourite character tropes is The Tired One TM, and im absolutely not immune to a cute emo boy either. i've grown to really love his sass and the way he hides his manipulative nature behind his sweet and innocent appearance hehe i also do love how ridiculously forward and blunt he is at times, what a silly guy while belphie was very predictable, asmo was a very out of nowhere character for me! i distinctly remember seeing him initially and thinking "avatar of lust?? i guess he's pretty but he'll probably just be the fuckboy character who makes nonstop innuendos and has no character beyond that, and i'm too asexual for this" so i avoided him a lot at first, but i'm very weak for how kind and gentle and charismatic he is, and the way he puts his all into everything and everyone <333 it didnt take long for me to realise that he's almost exactly the kind of person i aspire to be more like

also miura ayme gives me so much gender envy its not fair send tweet

[sualne]

.

today should be a good because im finally seeing my endocrinologist after a over a year and i should get my first hrt prescription and soon first tshot but i feel kind of doomed because my dad said if melanchon win the election he'll move out without me leaving me homeless and im worried about my siblings, one got a good job she loves and pays well and a hotel situation, she's much smarter and competent than i am so i think she should be able to handle it, other sibling just got her own place and will start moving soon, it's only for school so i don't what happens once that's done, i'm not even sure he plans on throwing them out actually, i think he loves them but the possibility worries me. i don't know what he'll do with their stuff since one will be away and all that, he's always threatening to throw away mine but i don't know how it'll work them, maybe they'll be completely fine actually.

this isn't out of nowhere either, he's been threatening to throw us out for years and to send me to an asylum/mental hospital since i was 15 so i know he's a bit strange like that. even if i went full time my job still wouldn't pay enough for me to get my own place so i've been looking for collocation around and maybe i could manage smth if i get some more hours of works, otherwise i'd have to live on less than 100-200€ a month with everything paid (no counting food). it took me 3 years to get this job so i really don't think it'll be possible for me to ever get another one, i don't have enough years to send resumes constantly that i even do it in my dreams, plus i've looked into it and all the job offers pay about as much anyway so it wouldn't change a thing. i can't move all the way to live at some family member's place because my gender clinic is here and i don't know often i'll have to go there, the back and forth could cost a bit on the long term and i know i can't restart the process from the beginning where they live because last i heard they closed the queues there because they were too many ppl and won't accept anymore. and again, im sure i could ever get another job.

i actually did have a job in the three years it took me before getting this one, i was a comic colorist and it paid nicely for 7h to 12h of work per week but nobody considered it a real job since it was art and done on a laptop/at home (plus it turned out it wasn't exactly legal, no fault of my boss, she was an independent student employing someone for the first time) so i was so happy when i finally found this one, it's a real job, nothing to do with art and you go outside but my family was already yelling at me about it before i'd even gotten it, my dad said "you have no self respect" and when i told my grandma she said "you can't do this your whole life" but i'd just signed my contract, i hadn't even started working yet, everyone was and is still acting like that's not a real job, that i need a real one and refuse to believe me when i tried to explain i genuinely love it because i help ppl, a lot of them are chronically ill or disabled so it make me happy to help them, they're my ppl and i feel like i'm actually useful but no one is happy for me, i don't understand. i don't think my body will be alright on the long term if i go full time and like i said im in the process of getting some long overdue diagnosis and hopefully help/treatments for a few health issues.

that's one thing too they act weird about, no one irl believe me when i say i'm losing my sight, i tried to explain it's been going on since i was at least 18 and now i can't see on the sides but they keep telling me it's nothing and not happening but also my fault? and everyone, not just my family keep saying things like "then you really need to learn how to drive while you still can" but i'm going blind so i can't drive and they won't understand that, it's so weird??

back to moving out, if i do somehow end up finding a place to live i don't have friends or anyone so i can't ask for help to move all my stuff (ive got a Lot of books), i don't want to abandon my things, i've bought most of them and they're actually mine so i don't want to have to loose them. i've no idea what to do and i'm kind of at lost, had a horrible night thinking about it when i'd been looking forward to today for months. it's so weird i might just loose everything now that im happy, if my siblings are safe then at least that's that, im reassured but i wanted to be happy for longer than just that, i actually want to live and all now and i've got projects i've been working on since october and they're nowhere near to be finished and i feel really bad that i might not be able to finish them because i know a few ppl where genuinely looking forward to it and i don't want to disappoint anyone.

it's weird also because dad's been buying new furniture so if he plans to move out that seems like a pointless thing to do because that'll be more stuff and trouble to transport and he's the one who's been pushing me to decorate my bedroom but then he keeps turning around and say he'll throw away my thing and me too, that i need to some activity like join a club but then say i don't own enough money to waste on useless things and should work more but get a real job first, he contradicts himself a lot so i've no idea what to do.

[compacflt]

hey! i was just going through your blog, and i saw a post about ice&carole and mav&goose. i looked a bit more but i couldn't find a post about your take on mav and goose's relationship, so i wanted to ask what it was. if you have answered this, i'm sorry about asking you again. imo i think what they had was wayy deeper than friendship but complex and probably not romantic, but again, i just wanted to know your thoughts on it.

thank you! and this blog has probably been one of the best finds i have ever come across on tumblr, i'll be sad to see you go.

yeah, i was really trying to be suave and subtle and mysterious about it with this parallel

like, you should be able to figure it out for yourself.

but luckily for you i looooove beating dead horses. to a problematic degree.

the full story of my vision of mavgoose (moose?) is in the completed draft of the extras that are coming out on Saturday. about halfway through. But i want to bring it back to the internal craft-of-writing debate i brought up yesterday—my inability to summarize, or to cut superfluous sections that don’t really matter.

I’ll stick it under the cut for spoiler reasons, but i wanna show the simple first draft of this scene versus the complicated, heavier final draft. And I want to ask any of you, if you’re interested—as a reader, which is more impactful? which should i end up publishing?

the simple first draft:

then i kept turning it in my head thinking of different ways to edit it to say something slightly different, to get a little more specific, coming up with things to add, and ended up adding like five extra paragraphs. which is this:

about 1/4 of the final draft (by which i mean, this is about 1/4 of the whole final discussion scene, but the goosemav-specific content only goes on for about another graf [omitted bc spoilers]):

(so to answer your ask explicitly, i actually don’t think they were anything deeper than good friends. imo there’s no evidence that they were anything deeper than good friends, especially with maverick blowing goose/goose’s wishes off soooo many times [‘she’s lost that lovin feelin;’ volleyball; refusing to do the responsible thing at least twice even after goose tells him it puts his & his family’s livelihoods at risk…bro all he does is blow off goose]. see me bitching in the tags for more on this)

obviously in my head the complicated in-depth version ⬆️ is the True version, the version of events that really Happened. i think the writing is in some spots much more compelling. But it just doesn’t make for a particularly good reading experience when it’s surrounded by like 3/4 pages of other discussion of history! sometimes too much of (what i think is) a good thing turns that good thing bad! & this is a major keystone dynamic of my whole series so i just want to get it right, for my own peace of mind. I guess im asking you to be the harsh editor i wish i had sometimes, if ur interested in doing so—this is genuinely a major major problem i have with my writing, i can’t ever just leave well enough alone 😭 please let me know if simpler is better/less is more in this case! do i publish the short vague “the reader fills in the blanks” version or the long boring “here’s EXACTLY how i see it” version?

[myloveforhergoeson]

Hiya! 😊 You're now a writer for the show. What three episode storylines are you gonna write? (In other words, what are you gonna make the boys do?)

ohm y god i literally have so many episode ideas but i'll try not to repeat any of the ones i've made posts about (except my first bullet bc im so passionate about it) so i'll give you my big list. most if not all will likely be something i DO end up writing about in my own story because ehehe i love making them do things

ones i think i've mentioned before:

a returning to minnesota chapter!! not for anything but nostalgia, getting to see the guy's favorite places, seeing their friends and families, bringing them back to realize how far they'd come. not so shy spon for my fic but i wrote a chapter like this last month and it's probably one of my favorite things i've written to date. it let me explore some of the boys' past, family dynamics, a little bit about Katie and agh i can't believe btr didn't capitalize on that at least once. ik its expensive to fund sets and hire new actors but idk i imagine it like an hour special where they could afford to shell out a bit more. idc when it happens, could be after they sign their record contract or the last episode or whatever :)

sketch comedy episode, something akin to saturday night live or so random

graduation! like you and i talked about lol i think it would be sweet

get me in the writers room stat:

originally i'd planned a "home alone lost in new york" like chapter for my story around thanksgiving where the boys are going to perform at the parade in town but they end up having their own adventure around the city beforehand. boyish antics, screaming gustavo, beautiful scenes, the works. i was just in too much of a slump to actually put it to paper :)

more tour-focused chapters (again, spon for my own fic lol) the episode in Canada was cute and the one on the bus was fun but idk there's just so many elements toward touring that i think they could've capitalized on; homesickness (for CA or MN), hardship of a go go go schedule, or fun things like being able to travel with your best friends and not ending up on the world's most wanted list lol. i know they tried really hard with this one so i don't blame them too much but my vision is just different and that's okay!

crossovers! while i'm so very happy dan schnider didn't have either of his disgusting hands in big time rush, i do remember watching the icarly/victorious crossover for the first time and wishing big time rush were there. it takes place in LA! the victorious kids are singers! carly, sam, and Freddie are pop culture experts! it would've worked really well :) so i'm writing that as a chapter for my fic LMAO

generally either an episode focusing in on or more scenes including james and lucy since the writers wanted them to be together so bad. inherently there's nothing wrong with them being together, but i do not think the relationship was given enough time to develop. give me lucy discovering her feelings for him, give me james not being creepy and obsessive about her; something more needed to be done on both of their parts to make me believe in it

additionally on that note more with jo/kendall and logan/camille; i love them both but they also had little development, just more than james/lucy. maybe they give carlos a gf (not alexa IMO, sorry. that got into weird territory for me idk why they made him be with a "real" person when he isn't other than they were already together irl) earlier and they can all have like conversations about their gfs and how much they love being together idk

and another generally, there were many songs btr put out that i love so much and feel like deserved their own episodes for hehe. i know not all of them have storylines easily transposed but i think they used confetti falling like four different times in the last season when any other love song from their third album could have been placed instead

and also another generally, and i know the early 2000s would've never allowed this for children's television but they should have and i'm the writer now!!!, but more representation all around. maybe some episodes about cultural heritage that didn't make stereotypes the main focus, canon LGBTQIA+ characters, holidays that aren't christmas, aspects like that where all kids can see themselves represented... LA is such a huge melting pot, it's not all white kids trying to make their dreams come true!

good god that was long SORRY AKJBSKJGBAB i have a lot to say and there's a lot im trying to incorporate into my story to add in what i think enhances the already present storyline. that's what's so beautiful about fandom, i love that we can have conversations like this :)

but what about you? anything you'd like to add in? i'd love to know <3 thank you for the question!

ask me a question! save my life!

[noxiatoxia]

Can you give komahina (toxic yaoi?) headcanons

lemme see here. this is hard bc i dont necessairly have ~komahina~ headcanons i just have headcanons for komaeda and hajime it really has nothing to do with them as a ship;. but uh

ok so here's one. long winded. but i think from what we can gather about hajime he was a bit of a loner child. his parents didnt seem to gaf abt him. so i think he does get attached to people easy. tbh sdr2 was like a miracle scenario in some ways bc there's this guy who has little to no friends (be he never goes out of his way to make them) and then hes stuck with 15 other people his age and he's like i guess i'll talk to them what else can i do....and turns out everyone desires him carnally. tbf he's able to match ppl's freak and he's just good at listening (or pretending to listen) so this makes him popular. so its like ohhh ok we're friends now. hajime is that kind of guy who if he talks to someone once he calls them his friend. but like everyone IS actually his friend. anyways i think if hajime goes a long time without talking to someone he knows he starts to get a little nervous like if its been 1 whole week and he has not even exchanged small talk with like idk mahiru he's like "something is Critically Wrong" so then he'll go find her and be like "hi hows it going". its like disrupting his routine or whatever. i think the time periods for "how long hajime can go without talking to this person" varies depending on the person obviously. like with hiyoko it's like. they don't interact much so if it's been a week and a half he'll be like ohhh ok...maybe i should say something to her....but someone like kazuichi it's like. 3 days hasn't spoken to him once he's like Where Is That Mother Fucker.

this is all to say when it comes to komaeda in a komahina scenario it's devastating bc if he does not see komaeda in a while he gets fucked up abt it in like his anxiety/ptsd spiral his first thought it KOMAEDA IS DEAD. HIS LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then hes like banging on komaeda's cabin door and shit like KOMAEDA. PLEASE.PLEASE. and komaeda is like um hi. flip side: komaeda is also very much like this but with people he's close-close with bc if he does not see hajime in like three days he's like HAJIME IS DEAD. MY LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then he also goes crazy so they have to at least be makin small talk every day to ward off the demons....

as for like. TOXIC YAOI headcanons idk........anything in the chapter 4 area would be bad. i think. i have read so many hate fucking doujins in the chapter 4 time period. while dat all doesnt seem very canon to me (i just dont think hajime be doin all that. nor komaeda really) i see the vision. kamukoma was probably unhealthy on both sides if we want to go there. but like komahina. idk . 1) my brain is fogged up rn so it's hard to think you can ask again later if you desire but 2) really they aren't all that toxic like outside of a killing game environment. komaeda tends to keep to himself and hajime tries to understand people. so like. hajime is very much a "if it sucks hit da bricks" kind of philosopher so if komaeda was being a detriment to his health and he DID have a way out then it's not like he'd stay. hajime does put his foot down when things get too much. (if komaeda was a woman tho she could abuse hajime and he wouldnt gaf #mikanislandmodeending #hiyokoislandmodeending ) but see again komaeda wouldnt be doin all that. i cant see him intentionally hurt hajime post sdr2 canon, at most unintentionally toxic/unhealthy but again i thinnk hajime would in that case try to help him out like couples therapy style or something. WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS. im bad with headcanons it seems.