#so im logging out

[kitamars]

doodles as i relive my spideyman phase from eighth grade

[onemillionfurries]

fun fact if you want to see videos before a certain year on youtube, you can put "before:[year]" after what you're searching for.

the results are glorious.

[sad-leon]

crawling out of the shadows with this as an offering

[vampire-superstar]

That's the entire post

[legobenkenobi]

another day another reminder that “we make our own decisions. our own choices. and, we have to live with them, too” means that Cody is carrying the burden of guilt that he doesn’t deserve because he doesn’t know it was never his choice. he doesn’t know why he shot Obi-Wan down and he doesn’t know Obi-Wan or Rex or any of his other brothers that survived aren’t dead and buried and he thinks it’s his own fault. and if he doesn’t get an ending he may never learn it wasn’t his choice. he’ll continue to carry that with him because he is a good person and literally nothing has been able to stop that. he won’t stop being good now.

[heretoobsessstuff]

Hellooo sooo 👀 the fic i posted a snippet for a few days ago is finally here haha. Behold the sappiest corniest hurt/comfort fic you’ve ever read. It’s also posted on ao3 here if you prefer to read it there!

Title: What else can I be? All apologies

Summary: Gale’s repressed guilt of leaving John behind manifests as a nightmare. John comforts him

“Go on, I’m right behind you,” John said quietly. Gale nodded once and turned to walk towards the wall, eyes fixed ahead. John was right behind him. Gale’s heart was pounding, and his hands shook as he held them tightly in fists by his side. The distance between him and the wall seemed to drag on forever. Why wasn’t he reaching the wall?

Panic set in and took over his whole body. His chest, throat, and legs felt numb. Something bad was about to happen; he could feel it in his gut. His body knew it. Something was about to happen.

“Don’t shoot—don’t shoot!” John yelled. His voice shook Gale’s entire body. Gale turned around and saw John wrestling with the German guard, holding his gun on both sides, pushing him back with impressive strength.

“Go, Buck, get out of there!” John yelled again, his voice rough from exertion. Buck felt like his body was no longer in his control. He took one last look at John and jumped over the wall, leaving him behind.

The moment he was over the wall, he heard it—the gunshot. Loud and sharp. His ears rang with the sound. He slid down the wall, his body hitting the ground with a thud. He held his breath, feeling like hours had passed before he finally mustered the courage to get up on his knees. His hands gripped the edge of the wall for support as he pulled himself up to look back, and once he did, he couldn’t look away.

There, on the wet, muddy ground, lay John. Lifeless.

Gale didn’t know how it happened, but before he knew it, he was hovering over John. It felt like he was watching himself from a distance as he dropped to his knees and grabbed John’s shoulders, running his hands frantically over his arms and chest, trying to find where he had been hit. Trying to fix this somehow.

“John, John, can you hear me? Open your eyes for me, please!” he begged, desperate when he finally saw it—a hole the size of a penny right in John’s chest, in his heart. Blood oozed steadily. He took off his scarf and pressed it against the wound, pushing hard. John’s eyes flew open at the pressure with a loud yelp. The scarf was immediately soaked.

“It’s alright, John. It’s alright, just—just hold on for me. Just hold on,” Gale begged again, his voice shaking and wobbling with each word. He looked up from John and looked around frantically. He couldn’t see anyone. No German guard, no American prisoner. Bile rose in his throat as he yelled, “Crank? Brady? Somebody help me, please!”

Tears leaked from his eyes, falling onto John’s face. John looked at him dazedly, his breath coming out in little whimpers. His hand came up to bat at Gale’s weakly.

“Hurts,” he grunted.

Gale gripped the scarf tighter. There was blood everywhere—John’s blood, painting Gale’s hands, arms, and clothes red, smelling sharp and coppery.

“I know, I know. I just need to—just need to press. It’s going to be alright,” Gale said, his voice hitching on a sob. His hands shook so hard he couldn’t grip the scarf properly anymore. He looked around frantically again, hoping, praying for someone—anyone—to come, to fix this. He couldn’t lose John like this.

But there was no one coming. Deep down, Gale knew it. There was no sign of Crank or Murph or Brady or Demarco. They were all gone, leaving him alone to watch John die.

“You left me behind,” John gasped out, his voice barely audible. Gale felt his heart drop to his stomach, cold settling deep in his bones. He could say nothing as he watched John grip the hand that was holding the scarf against his chest. His blue eyes looked dark with pain and betrayal. Gale remained silent, his tongue feeling heavy and numb in his mouth.

“You left me to die,” John croaked, breathing harshly as his hand gave Gale’s one last squeeze before it fell limp, his head falling back onto the dirt. Gale watched in horror as John’s last breath left his lungs in a choked exhale. He was gone.

John was gone. Lost somewhere Gale could never reach. He was gone and he hated Gale for it. Gale had betrayed him. Had let him get shot. Had left him alone to die. His grip on the wound wasn’t strong enough. He hadn’t held onto John tightly enough and now he was dead. Look at what you’ve done. His brain screamed at him. You were a coward. You have lost him forever. The light in his eyes is gone forever and he died with nothing but hatred for you. Nothing you could ever do will bring him back.

****

Gale woke up with a gasp. The sheets had woven around him like a cocoon. He gripped them tightly and thrashed around to fling them off of himself. He reached to his right blindly. Expecting to find a warm body fast asleep. To find John there. It was empty. Sheets long abandoned and cold.

The feeling of all consuming grief was immediate. It gripped him by the throat and closed his airway. Gale felt outside of himself. The room was floating around him and the edges of his vision threatened to turn black the more he gasped for air. His brain was struggling to pinpoint where exactly he was. A hotel room or behind the wall?

He couldn't remember anything. He couldn’t remember where he was anymore. His heart was too fast, pounding against his ribcage. He clawed at his chest, willing to control his breathing. The cold devastation of being left alone, abandoned by their men was wrapped around his lungs like a vice. You left John behind and he died in your arms.

He couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. He grasped his shirt as he breathed in short strangled exhales. His heart was too fast, almost like it was jumping out of his chest. Maybe he was the one who was shot in the chest. Maybe he was dying. The thought was chilling. He was dying. Drowning in John’s blood. This was it. That’s how he would die. Cold and alone and hated by the only person he had ever loved-

“Gale? Can you hear me?”

The strong voice cut through the haze. A hand reached towards him and pulled him out of the abyss he was drowning in. Distantly he could feel something or someone grip his shoulders. Shaking him. He could hear himself gasping for air but his body refused to cooperate.

“Gale? I need you to breathe darling. Can you do that for me?”

He was trying. He wanted to tell the voice that. But it was difficult and his lungs felt like they were on fire. The voice was familiar and warm and soothing. It sounded like John.

You idiot! His brain screamed. John is dead. Maybe I’m dying too. He thought again. That’s why I can hear him.

“You’re not dying. You’re alright. We’re home. We’re safe. Just breathe.” John’s voice said. Gale felt a hand on the back of his neck. Felt it running over the little hairs at the base of his neck that were damp with sweat. He choked on an inhale. The other hand grabbed Gale’s where it was clutching his chest. Thumb running over his hand in slow strokes. The touch was grounding. Home safe he repeated to himself. He felt air enter his lungs as he struggled to slow his breathing.

“That’s it. Good job, darling. Just breathe”

Somehow against all odds, John was here. Calling him “darling”, holding him and comforting him even after Gale left him behind. Even after he went to hide behind the wall like a coward and left John to wrestle with the armed kraut. John was the one who was itching to escape, instead Gale stole his opportunity to run ahead of him, leaving him there. Gale was overcome with a guilt so strong and sudden he felt bile raising in his throat. His face twisting as he was hit with a strong wave of nausea.

“You gonna be sick?”

John asked, reading Gale’s expressions like an open book. He nodded miserably as John moved him around so his legs hung over the bed, hand still gripping Gale’s.

“Okay. It's alright. You’re okay. Just hold on to me”

Gale could barely make out the words being said to him over the ringing of his ears. He tried to swallow down the nausea as he felt hands under his knees and around his back. Lifting him off the bed with ease. Carrying him towards the bathroom.

“There. It’s alright. I got you.”

Gale’s knees buckled immediately as he was gently lowered to the ground. John pressed against his back firmly to steady him as Gale reached out to grasp the toilet bowl. He fell forward as he heaved. Tears were pricked his eyes as he coughed harshly and heaved again.

“You’re alright. Just need to breathe. Slowly. Just breathe. In and out. You’re alright.”

You’re alright John’s voice kept telling him. It was comforting. Gale let out a shuddering breath as he felt a hand rubbing his back soothingly. In and out. Gale tried to focus on the voice. On the gentle touch on his face and hair. He felt a weight pressed against his spine, holding him in place. In and out. More air filled his lungs. He reached out blindly towards the voice and felt his hand being grabbed in a warm grip.

That’s when he felt it. His hand pressed against warm skin. He could feel it against his palm. Thump thump. Strong, quick, John’s heart beat against him.

He let out a small gasp, hand shaking where it rested against John's chest, feeling his heartbeat. He kept his eyes closed, willing himself to breathe. It felt like hours had passed when his nausea finally receded and he started to calm down.His brain worked slowly through the haze, becoming aware of his surroundings little by little. He moved slowly to let himself sit on the floor, back resting against the toilet seat with John’s grip steadying him. Pieces of the past few days started to come back to him in slow bursts of memory. He remembered now. He had gone to sleep that night and John had slept next to him. He had been okay. Alive. Just hours ago. He was here, talking to him now.

“John?”

He whispered, wanting to make sure he was there. That he was real.

“I’m right here, Gale. Can you look at me?”

Gale shook his head petulantly. He didn’t want to look at John and see the disappointment, the hurt, the betrayal in his eyes again. He felt John huff out a nervous breath as he rubbed up and down Gale’s arm.

“Alright darling. Take your time okay? I’m right here when you’re ready”

John tried to sound reassuring but Gale knew him better than that. John sounded scared. Worried. Gale didn’t want John to feel scared ever again. He opened his eyes slowly, squinting against the harsh bathroom light as the room swam into view. He blinked bearily as his gaze fell onto the man in front of him. John was crouching on the floor, eyes looking sad and glassy with unshed tears. His curls looked wild and messy, sticking up on the top of his head as if he had been tugging on them. He was sporting a deep frown as he looked on with a concern Gale didn’t think he deserved. He still managed to school his features into a small smile as he locked eyes with Gale.

“There you are. You back with me?”

John asked softly. Pushing Gale messy hair out of his face and forehead. Gale couldn’t look away from him as he lifted Gale’s hand from his chest to press a chaste kiss against his knuckles.

Gale nodded. Biting his lip when he felt the beginning of a lump already forming in his throat.

“Okay. You’re okay. Let's just sit for a minute.”

John said, reaching behind Gale to grab a tissue and wipe Gale’s mouth gently. Before Gale knew it a cold glass of water was being pressed against his lips and he took a sip instinctively. The cool water felt nice against his dry mouth so he took another sip. His hands shook too much as he attempted to take the glass from John but he just batted his hand away. Murmuring a slow “I got it” as he held the glass against his lips.

You don’t deserve this Gale’s brain supplied harshly. The lump in his throat threatened to choke him as he reached out to press his hands against John’s chest again. He needed to feel him. Needed to feel the steady rise and fall of his breaths and the thumping of his heart again. Needed him alive and breathing.

“John”

Gale felt like John’s name was the only thing he could say right now. His voice sounded rough and faraway to his own ears. John gave him a worried look as he covered his hand with his own.

“I’m right here”

He assured him. Gale just looked on. Palm still firmly pressed against John’s chest. He almost died and I let him. He felt like he was going to lose it any second.

“Gale?”

He had been Gale tonight. Not Buck. Not John’s Buck. He couldn’t remember the last time John had called him Buck. The realisation hit him like a freight train. Maybe John did hate him. Maybe he wanted his name back.

“I’m sorry”

Gale choked out. His voice sounded rough and hoarse. His eyes finally spilling over as he lost the last remainder of self control he was desperately trying to keep. Tears were streaming down his face and into his cheeks and neck before he could do anything to stop it. He knew he had opened the gates now and once he started he couldn’t stop. John’s gaze softened in sadness, his hands coming up to wipe Gale’s tears away gently. Gale was talking before he could say anything.

“I let the kraut shoot you. Right here. Right in the chest. I ran and hid behind the wall like a fucking coward”

It was as if a dam had broken inside of Gale. It was like months of repressed guilt and fear that John secretly hated him finally caught up to him. A loud sob erupted from deep within his chest, more following immediately as his face crumpled. Maybe later he would feel embarrassed about all of it. Waking up from a nightmare and asking John to carry him to the bathroom just to dry heave and end up weeping like a child on the bathroom floor. But right then he couldn’t find it in him to feel anything other than desperation. Desperate for John to forgive him.

“I was all alone and I watched you bleed to death and I didn’t do a fucking thing. You hated me for it ”

He felt pathetic. You were the one who left him there, the snarky voice in his head said. Now he’s the one who has to comfort you for it.

“Hey, listen to me, Gale. None of that is real. None of that happened. You remember that. I’m here and I’m alright. It was all a bad dream”

John gripped Gale’s shaking shoulders, thumbs rubbing on his skin in small soothing patterns but the words couldn’t make it through the thick fog in his brain. He grabbed John’s face in his hands. Shaking terribly as he cried.

“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry John.”

He needed to tell John. Needed him to hear it. To see how sorry he was. John’s mouth was turned downward with sadness. He opened his mouth but Gale was speaking before he could say anything.

“I still left you behind. That part was fucking real.I will never forgive myself for it”

Gale could see the moment understanding washed across John’s face. They had been over this before. Gale had woken up from this same nightmare so many times and had told John he was sorry every single time. John had always comforted him. Told him there was nothing to be sorry for. Assured him that they were both here and they had made it. It had always numbed Gale’s pain temporarily. But Gale knew, it was like putting bandaid on a puncture wound. The relief never stayed. It always ate him alive. Lived in the dark corners of his mind constantly, waiting for the right time to strike but this time was different. Gale felt inconsolable. He felt like he needed to beg for John’s forgiveness. John held Gale’s hands on his face tightly. Tears clinging to the corners of his own eyes.

“Gale, listen to me. You didn’t leave me behind. It was my choice to stay behind and I would do that a hundred times over. I swear to God Gale there’s nothing you have ever done in your life that you need to apologise to me for.”

Gale squeezed his eyes shut but it did little to stop the tears. He pulled his hands out of John’s grip to press the heels to his eyes. Guilt and panic was making it hard for him to breathe. To think. He needed to do something. Needed to say something before he lost his mind.

“No, no I need to- I need”

Language was escaping him and Gale couldn’t stop crying. His breathing was coming out ragged and forced. He felt like the abyss was back to swallow him whole. John took hold of his wrists. Pulling them away from his eyes and holding him firmly.

“What do you need?”

John asked. Sounding desperate. Gale bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. Tasting the saltiness of his own tears.

“I need you to forgive me. Tell me you forgive me. Please”

“Gale-“

“I can’t live with this anymore, John. It’s killing me.”

It felt like a relief to say it. To admit it to John that this was eating him alive. For a second John looked like he wanted to argue and keep telling him there was nothing to forgive like he had all those times ago. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped. Gale felt more and more desperate by the second. He was looking at Gale as if he could see right through him. As if he could flip through his brain and read his thoughts like a book. Gale had never loved him more for it.

“Please. I need you to-.”

John let out a shaky breath at the plea. Leaning forward to grip Gale’s shoulders tightly and pulling him close. Forcing him to listen.

“Okay Gale. Fuck I forgive you okay? Look at me.”

Gale did.

“Do you hear me? I forgive you. I forgive you”

Gale saw a lone tear travel down John’s cheek and fall into his hands. He closed his eyes against the sheer sense of relief at hearing those words. John forgave him. He felt the pressure and the grief and the feeling of impending doom weighing his shoulders down suddenly gone and lifted. He felt himself go limp as he fell forward with exhaustion. John didn’t waste time pulling him into his arms and wrapping around his body tightly.

“Thank you” Gale murmured into his skin. Over and over again. His body felt shaky and spent. He buried his face in John’s neck. It smelled like John. It smelled like home. John rubbed up and down his back and his arms. He kissed his jaw and his hair and forehead and neck and everywhere he could reach.

Gale wanted to continue. He wanted to tell John he’ll never get over that wall. That he’ll never feel not guilty about it. But he didn’t find it in himself to speak. John said he forgave him and Gale believed him. Always had and always would. He rested his cheek against John’s shoulder. Feeling himself calming slowly the longer John held him. He sighed out a deep exhale and let John hold up his weight. His body feeling drained but coming back to himself. John was still holding him tightly. Almost like Gale would fall apart if he let him go. Gale’s hazy brain registered that he had probably really scared John pulling a stunt like that. It had been a while since he had a nightmare that bad. He needed to say something. Let John know he was okay now.

“I’m okay”

He croaked. He sounded unconvincing even to himself. He felt John nod against his head and started rocking them both from side to side. The motion was surprisingly soothing. Gale closed his eyes.

“Gonna take you back to bed. Is that okay?”

John asked. Barely waiting for a response. Gale felt too shaky to even attempt to stand on his own. Not trusting his legs to carry him. He sighed out a quiet “okay” and he was lifted off of the floor swiftly, hands under his arms like he weighed nothing. John wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulders, walking him to bed. He felt weak, emotionally and physically drained but filled with a profound sense of relief.

“You should sleep, you’re exhausted ” John said softly, helping Gale settle back onto the bed. He pulled the covers up around him and sat down beside him. Gale felt shivers running through his body as he reached out a trembling hand to grasp John’s wrist. He could feel his fingers shaking against the warm skin.

“You okay? What do you need?”

John asked. Reaching out to run his fingers through his hair. Gale managed a small smile

“Just you”

John’s lips turned upwards into a fond smile Gale always loved. He immediately felt relieved to see it.

“You have me” John replied, wasting no time to get into the bed himself and pull Gale to his chest. One hand cradling his head and another wrapped around his back. He reached to wrap his arms around John’s waist. Fingers snaking up under his shirt to rub against his skin. John felt tense. Gale wanted the tension gone and the worried frown to disappear from his face forever. He leaned up to leave a soft kiss on his throat and felt John let out a quiet breath, face buried into his hair as he breathed in.

“God, you scared me. Took me a while to get you out of it this time ”

Gale wanted to apologise but was speaking again before he could say anything.

“You’re shaking. Are you cold?”

He didn’t wait for a reply before he reached out to grab the blanket Gale had kicked off the bed and draped it over both of them. Gale sighed in content as the warmth of it embraced him.

“‘M good now”

Gale said. His face fit perfectly under the column of John’s throat. The sheets felt damp from Gale’s sweat and tears. He swallowed thickly. He wants to tell John he’s sorry again. I’m Sorry for being so broken. For needing your comfort constantly, even though what you went through was worse than me. I’m sorry you had to wake up to me screaming and throwing up so many times this week. I’m sorry you got shot down thinking I was dead. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you were captured. I’m sorry-

”I'm sorry I worried you” he said instead.

He felt John huff in annoyance.

“Stop saying sorry”

Gale huffed a small laugh. Feeling lighter than he had all night. He felt John smile into his hair and then, as if he could read Gale’s mind, he said

“I love you, you know that right? Love you more than anything. You’re what kept me alive. Through everything. You were the only thing I wanted to make it back home for.”

Gale felt his eyes burning with tears again so he closed them and just held John tighter. He didn’t need to say anything. He knew John understood him.

“We’re alright. We’re safe. Everything’s okay, Buck. I’m here. Try to get some sleep now, darling”

Gale hummed. John had called him Buck. He sighed in relief, letting sleep take him as he dozed to the sound of John’s heart beating. Alive.

[hischiersjohnston]

GQ | Taylor Zakhar Perez & Nicholas Galitzine Take a Friendship Quiz

Nick + Confusion with Ants on a Log (and What a Neutral Food is)

bonus: Taylor being a little sassy and smug with Nick's confusion after being stumped on the Traditional English Fry Up question

[flaming-riot]

Eustass!❤️🌷

[funsizedshark]

pacing around in circles muttering to myself about daniel and louis and the years between the first interview and now...... daniel telling armand "he didn't even want me in the end" after offering to get on his knees for him instead... they didn't fuck but for decades "i really thought we did" / "do you want to now?"... daniel is old and dying in a penthouse full of impossibly young beautiful immortal beings and louis still laughingly offers something that daniel thought for years he'd gotten already. and then it turns out that not only he didn't, but something in him had assumed they did have sex and never explored that further and he's gone through this entire second interview so far under that assumption because that bridge has been crossed already. except it hadn't and when louis says "do you want to now" you can see the change in his expression like for the briefest of moments he really is considering it

[mitskiluvr]

replaying mystic messenger is so crazy because why am i gentle parenting these grown men and teaching them how to handle their feelings

[ra-vio]

10H I started in January before a logic virus got the drop on me

[andy-clutterbuck]

3x01 | Seed

[girlmetalsonic]

something that is like the baseline of amys entire character to me is that shes lonely. shes clingy and physically affectionate in a way none of her friends really are, shes always getting pushed aside and left behind. yeah, she helps out people she doesnt know because shes a nice person, but also, she sees part of herself in them. she wont leave someone else behind because she knows the feeling —and more importantly, hates the feeling. if she doesnt have somebody to stand by her and be there for her, then shes going to be that person for everybody else. something something her obsession with sonic is really just like a manifestation of that desire for closeness with someone, and she thinks that romance is the only way to get that. idk... this hedgehog can have so many abandonment issues.

[a-loose-collection-of-ants]

I love your amrev art sm it'd my favorite I think you're my favorite artist on here, please make more art

Hey anon I'm crying a little bit, here are some sketches just for you

[rui-drawsbox]

Comm for @ SproutAstro :3c