#so in case anyone else feels this way: it's okay

[ilovolderman]

Caught on Camera

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: Sam drags you and Bucky to stakeout duty and tries to expose your secret relationship.

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: humor, fluff, secret dating, mild language

A/N: this can be read as a standalone even though it's part of a series called "You Said What". it doesn't necessarily follow a specific order, but if you want to check out the other parts, here they are: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13. thanks for reading, i hope you like it :)

You knew this stakeout was doomed from the moment Sam brought a whiteboard.

Not a mini dry-erase board. Not a tablet with a stylus. An actual, full-sized, collapsible, wheeled whiteboard.

Bucky stared at it. “Why does that have string on it?”

Sam clicked a marker with the flair of someone about to unravel a conspiracy or get tackled mid-presentation. “Because it’s time,” he said ominously, “to connect the dots.”

You closed your eyes. “Oh no.”

“Don’t ‘oh no’ me. You two have been weird. And I—your trusted friend and field partner—will get to the bottom of it.”

“You think we’re Hydra sleeper agents?” you asked, mostly just to gauge the level of chaos today.

Sam didn’t hesitate. “Worse. You’re dating.”

Bucky blinked. “That’s your worst-case scenario?”

“You’re Bucky,” Sam said. “She’s… tolerable. It’s unnatural.”

You and Bucky exchanged a glance. He did that little eye-squint he thought was subtle. It wasn’t.

You cleared your throat. “We’re in a surveillance van. On a mission. Maybe focus on that?”

Sam threw an arm toward the monitor bank. “Nothing’s moved in two hours except a suspicious delivery guy who turned out to be carrying vegan muffins. Vegan muffins, Barnes.”

“That’s not illegal,” Bucky muttered.

“It should be,” Sam said grimly.

Natasha’s voice crackled over comms. “I’m stationed outside the north stairwell. The target is inactive. You’ve got time to argue about snacks and feelings or whatever this is.”

Sam pointed a marker at the speaker like she’d just validated his entire existence. “Thank you, Natasha.”

You sighed. “Can we please do anything else? Read a book? Pretend we’re asleep? Watch literally anything besides—what even is this?” You pointed to the whiteboard.

Sam turned it so you could see. In neat but slightly chaotic handwriting were phrases like:

“Elevator Incident?”

“Two coffee mugs — ONE MORNING?”

“Barnes: suddenly moisturized??”

“Y/N’s tactical vest adjusted @ 0800 by WHO?”

Bucky pointed at that last one. “That was self-care, not seduction.”

“Tell that to the helmet cam footage,” Sam muttered.

You groaned and slumped back into your seat. “Why do you even care so much?”

“Because,” Sam said, turning slowly, dramatically, “if I am the last to know… I’m bringing slide transitions to the roast.”

You opened your mouth to protest—but Bucky leaned forward, elbows on knees, and said, “Fine. You want proof? Real proof?”

Your heart jumped. Bucky, what are you doing.

Sam straightened like a bloodhound that’d just caught a scent. “Go on.”

“Okay,” Bucky said calmly, “when I got out of cryo in Wakanda, I was emotionally closed-off, unstable, and could barely sleep.”

“Yeah. We know. That’s not new.”

“Well,” Bucky continued, “guess who taught me mindfulness, made me journal, and introduced me to oat milk?”

Your eyebrows lifted. This was true… but it was also your cover story for sneaking into his room every night. As in, yes, I taught him mindfulness, and also how to sneak a second pillow into your bed without anyone noticing.

Sam blinked. “...You’re saying she therapized you?”

Bucky nodded.

Sam opened his mouth, then paused. “You do seem weirdly well-adjusted.”

“Exactly,” Bucky said.

You chimed in. “I’m basically a wellness program in combat boots.”

Sam rubbed his temples. “I’m too tired for this. You’re either dating or you’ve joined a cult. Either way, I hate it.”

Just then, the van monitor beeped. Movement.

Natasha’s voice buzzed back in. “Eyes up. We’ve got two incoming—unmarked car pulling into the garage. Heads down, stay sharp.”

You all ducked slightly. Silence fell.

And then—buzz. A second beep. Sam’s phone.

He glanced at it, then frowned. “Weird. I just got a Venmo request from Natasha. ‘$12 — for emotional labor.’”

You smothered a laugh. Bucky cleared his throat and looked very interested in a gum wrapper on the floor.

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Okay. That’s it.”

He stood and whipped around the whiteboard. “Forget the dots. Time for the web.” He pulled back the curtain on the second side of the board.

It was a complete red-string conspiracy map. Photocopies of you and Bucky in seemingly mundane situations: walking down a hallway, sparring, looking slightly too happy in a debriefing. In one, you were handing him a protein bar.

Underneath it read: "The Protein Pact?"

You just said, “That’s a very organized delusion.”

“Thank you,” Sam said proudly.

Natasha’s voice crackled again. “FYI, the suspects are exiting the vehicle. And also, you guys are being recorded right now. There’s a camera in the corner of the van.”

Everyone whipped around.

There was a camera in the corner.

Sam screamed.

“WHO PUT THAT THERE?”

“Security,” Natasha said casually. “Fury installed them after the incident with the karaoke machine and the flamethrower.”

“That was ONE time,” Sam shouted.

Bucky turned to you and murmured, “I bet she’s saving the footage for leverage.”

“She’s definitely building a blackmail folder,” you replied.

Sam pointed wildly between you both. “WHISPERING. SECRET WHISPERING.”

You reached for your comm. “Nat. Can you confirm that whispering is suspicious?”

Natasha replied smoothly, “Only if it’s romantic. Otherwise, it’s standard spycraft.”

Sam looked like he was about to cry.

Bucky stood, walked over, and patted Sam on the shoulder. “Listen, man. If we were dating—which we’re not—it wouldn’t be your business.”

Sam looked up at him, eyes wide. “But I’d be right.”

“Maybe. Or maybe you’re just tired. And alone. In a van. With string.”

Sam collapsed onto the floor dramatically. “Fine. Keep your lies. But I’m putting this in the mission report.”

“No one reads those,” Natasha said.

“I DO!” Sam yelled.

Outside, the target was already being cuffed. Natasha waved casually at the building’s security camera. Mission: complete.

Inside, Bucky took your hand under the table—quick, quiet, and hidden from the whiteboard of doom.

You smiled.

Sam didn’t see.

He was too busy sketching his next whiteboard masterpiece: “Trust No One: Except Maybe Nat. (Still Investigating.)”

As soon as Sam stomped down the ramp and out of the van—still muttering about “betrayal” and “at least Tony would’ve let me interrogate the toaster”—you and Bucky just… sat there.

In the silence.

Watching the whiteboard sway slightly from his exit.

After a beat, Bucky reached over and gently nudged one of the red strings off a pushpin.

“That’s better,” he said.

You snorted. “I’m honestly shocked he didn’t have a slideshow with animations.”

“Oh, he did. He just couldn’t figure out how to get the HDMI to work.”

You turned toward him on the small bench seat, tucking one leg under yourself. The van’s interior lights buzzed faintly, casting a soft, warm glow across Bucky’s face. He looked calm now. Not mission-mode Bucky, not suspiciously-neutral Bucky. Just… yours.

“Think he’ll ever stop suspecting?” you asked, voice low.

He tilted his head slightly, thinking. “Doubt it. But I think Nat officially joined the conspiracy, so we’ve bought ourselves time.”

You smiled. “Good. I like our secret.”

“Me too.” He paused. “But I wouldn’t mind if it wasn’t a secret someday.”

You looked at him, really looked. There was that little furrow in his brow again—the one that showed up when he was being sincere and slightly terrified about it.

Your heart did a slow, quiet somersault.

“I wouldn’t either,” you said gently. “But for now... this is kind of fun.”

Bucky smiled—that real smile. The soft one that crinkled the corners of his eyes and made your stomach flip. The one Sam claimed was statistically impossible without “emotional compromise.”

Without a word, he reached behind him, grabbed the emergency blanket from the supply bin, and draped it over both your shoulders. Then he leaned into you, shoulder against yours, warm and solid.

“You cold?” he asked, even though you weren’t shivering.

“No,” you said. “But I’ll allow the dramatic gesture.”

He nudged your foot with his. “You always allow my dramatic gestures.”

“Because they come with blanket rights.”

He chuckled, then reached over and laced his fingers through yours beneath the blanket. His metal thumb gently brushed along your knuckles in a slow, grounding rhythm. It made your chest ache—in the good, heart-melting way.

For a while, neither of you said anything. The van was quiet. Peaceful. The outside world was just a blur through tinted windows. Inside, it was warm, and calm, and yours.

Then Bucky said, very seriously, “We should keep one of Sam’s whiteboards.”

You blinked. “Why?”

“For our future apartment. I’ll write ‘Reasons I Like You’ on it.”

You grinned. “Oh yeah? What’s reason number one?”

He squeezed your hand. “This.”

You leaned your head on his shoulder, feeling his breath shift as he leaned gently into you too.

“Number two?” you mumbled.

He kissed the top of your head, soft and quick and secret.

“Still working on the list,” he whispered.

You smiled against his arm.

The emergency blanket was still around your shoulders when you remembered.

You sat up straight, eyes widening. “Wait.”

Bucky blinked at you. “What?”

You slowly turned your head toward the corner of the van.

The camera stared back. Silent. Judgy. Still recording.

“Oh my god,” you whispered, horror dawning. “The blanket moment. The hand-holding. The forehead kiss.”

Bucky followed your gaze, then visibly winced. “Right. Fury’s spy cam.”

You both froze in place like kids caught stealing cookies on a security feed.

You buried your face in your hands. “We’re toast. Fury is going to give us the dad talk.”

“I’m not afraid of Fury,” Bucky said automatically. Then he paused. “Okay, maybe a little. But I’m more afraid of Natasha.”

As if summoned, Natasha’s voice crackled over comms again. “Just to confirm—yes, the camera caught all of that. And yes, I’m saving it for your engagement slideshow.”

Bucky groaned and dropped his forehead to your shoulder. “We’re gonna die.”

You laughed. “She has footage, Bucky. We are so compromised.”

“Maybe if we act super professional now, she’ll delete it,” he said, sitting up straighter and clearing his throat. “Agent Barnes, commencing protocol alpha. Tactical—uh—tactical recon blanket deployment successful.”

You snorted. “Copy that. Agent Y/N initiating hand-holding for… morale support.”

Natasha’s voice came through again, deadpan. “Truly inspiring. I’ll put it in your performance review.”

You made a face at the camera. “You better at least edit in music. I want violins if this goes public.”

“Please,” Natasha said. “You’re getting a slow piano montage and a ‘Mission: Love Possible’ title card.”

Bucky made a strangled noise somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “We should’ve stayed emotionally repressed.”

You nudged his side gently. “You say that, but you’re the one who initiated the blanket cuddle.”

He squinted. “That’s slander.”

“Camera says otherwise.”

Bucky turned to the lens like he was negotiating with a supervillain. “Nat. Come on. Can’t you just pretend you didn’t see that?”

There was a pause.

Then: screenshot sound.

Both of you groaned.

“Okay,” you muttered. “New mission. Break into Natasha’s room and delete the footage.”

“Impossible,” Bucky said. “She probably has laser traps.”

Natasha’s voice chirped one last time. “Correct. And a pressure-sensitive chocolate drawer. Touch it, and I release the singing drones.”

You blinked. “The what?”

“Don’t ask,” Bucky said immediately.

After a beat of quiet dread, you both looked back at each other—and just started laughing. That quiet, ridiculous kind of laugh you only get when you’re this in love and this caught.

Bucky shook his head, reaching for your hand again. “You know what? Fine. Let her record it. Let Fury analyze it. Let SHIELD make it into a training video called ‘Advanced Emotional Espionage.’ I don’t care.”

You smiled. “Wow. That’s bold.”

“Besides,” he added, leaning in, voice low and smug, “if we’re already being filmed—”

“Don’t,” you warned, laughing as you held up a finger. “We are not making out in front of the security camera.”

He grinned. “What if it’s just a dramatic hug? For morale.”

“Morale my ass,” you said, but you still let him pull you in.

You sat there together—arms wrapped tight, blanket still draped around your shoulders, faces half-hidden from the camera’s angle.

And as the monitor quietly beeped with another “all clear” signal, Bucky whispered in your ear:

“Reason number two: You always let me have the last muffin.”

You laughed softly and tucked your head under his chin.

“Reason number three?” you asked.

He kissed your temple. “You make this feel easy.”

And from her position on the roof, Natasha took one last photo—then switched off the comm and muttered to herself, “God, they’re disgusting.”

Then she smiled.

And added the file to a folder on her encrypted drive labeled: ‘BLACKMAIL or BEST MAN SPEECH’ — TBD.

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[nakylvr]

okay reader is pregnant. next we need to see dealer!dani dealing w yn mood swings and late night cravings 🤫

dani is really good with it, surprisingly. she knows you better than anyone else, and understands everything you're going through, so getting irritated or angry never happens or even crosses her mind when you're suddenly yelling at her or crying or waking her up in the middle of the night to run to sonic. when she says she's there with you every step of the way, she is telling the truth. because not once does she give the impression that she's too tired of it – of you, or that she wants to leave. she doesn't even do as many deals because she wants to be around you 24/7 in case something happens, especially the closer you get to your due date, no matter how many times you tell her you're fine. she doesn't feel she has the right to get mad or irritated when you're dealing with so much more than she could even imagine, so it never happens, ever. you wake her up at night when you can't sleep and are craving something to eat, feeling bad and speaking quietly but she is instantly getting up and throwing a hoodie and her shoes on, asking you what you want from where. now, she will jokingly side eye you for any weird combo of food you want, but will always listen and get it anyway. she literally does everything you want and whatever you ask. for mood swings, she's still really good with you. she doesn't get mad at you when you get upset at some random tiny thing she did that you never got mad about before, she just listens and does whatever she can think of to make you feel better. if you get upset in the crying way, she panics a little but she quickly comes up with something to say or do to help out. in the end, shes always going to stay with you, no matter what

[kawasiki-jo]

What Would Kim Do?

Okay okay—so I want Kim’s POV of Kenta being taken captive. Yes, he knows the kind of person Kenta is. He knows Kenta was raised alone, taught to deal with his problems alone. He knows Kenta’s default setting is self-sacrifice, that he was never taught how to lean on people. And the few times he has tried? They’ve thoroughly, absolutely ruined him. Kim knows this is all new territory for Kenta. He knows Pete has been the only constant in Kenta’s life—romantic feelings or not, Pete is still the only common denominator he has. He trusts him.

He also knows Kenta is dead-set on destroying Tony, on helping them rid the world of that monster. Kenta’s priorities are locked in—laser-focused on the bigger picture, the greater good. But no matter how much Kim rationalizes Kenta’s silence, it doesn’t make the ache in his heart hurt any less.

The thing is, it’s not about trust. Kim trusts Kenta. He trusts him to do what needs to be done and to do it with every ounce of ability he has. The pain comes from when it’s happening—after the kiss. After the conversation where Kim told him to stop running. To stop running to Pete. To think about his feelings, their feelings. Kim told him—in every way he knew how—that Kenta would always have him. No matter what. No matter when. Kenta would always have Kim to lean on.

If this had all happened before Kim had said anything—before he’d laid his heart out like a damn offering—maybe he could dull the sting. Maybe he could tell himself it didn’t mean anything. But now? Now Kenta knows. And he still chooses to communicate with Pete, and Pete alone.

Kim isn’t blaming anyone. He’s not pointing fingers, not trying to be angry at the choices people make to survive. It’s just—by now, he had hoped Kenta would’ve seen his affections for what they were.

And then there’s the whole thing with Kenta specifically telling Pete not to send backup. Not to involve anyone else. Kim gets it, he really does. He understands the sentiment. He knows Kenta has never been the kind to ask for help—not openly. Not ever. So Kim isn’t angry. But every single time he asks Pete, “Are you sure?”

“Are you sure Kenta’s okay?”

“Are you sure he doesn’t need help?”

Every time Pete says something like, “Kenta said he didn’t need it,” or, “Kenta told us not to”—it’s like a knife. A knife being driven into the same spot, over and over again.

And don’t get me wrong—I’m not trying to minimize Kim’s feelings, reduce him to bare strings waiting to snap the moment there’s distance or rejection. I’m just saying—I’m hurt for him. Because he’s so eager to love Kenta. And it’s understandable that Kenta moves slow. That he’s hesitant, cautious, bruised by history. But a text? An “I’m okay”? A fucking emoji? A missed call? A goddamn typing bubble—anything. You just know Kim has his phone open on Kenta’s chat 24/7, just in case something—anything—comes through for him.

And I know for a fact Kim stays up every night, waiting. Because even if Kenta tells him to trust him, there’s no way he’s not falling apart with worry. But he lets Kenta make the choices he needs to make.

Sorry, I got a bit carried away—but my point is: I want a reality where Kim starts second-guessing whether Kenta actually cares for him. Because when Kenta asked, “Are you coming with me or not?” Kim thought that was a step forward. He believed it meant something. And now? Now he’s faced with this wall of silence. Of absence. Of cold distance.

There’s no way my baby wouldn’t be disheartened. Maybe Kim starts settling into the idea that Kenta’s just not interested. That this—whatever it was—was never going to be anything more. Maybe it is rejection. Subtle, quiet, unbearable.

And again—he’s not mad. He’s not mad at Kenta. He’s not mad at Pete. He’s not even mad at the rejection. He’s just furious at the hope. The kindling in his heart that keeps sparking—only to get snuffed out by reality.

Maybe Kim finally realizes the truth: that Kenta doesn’t want him. That—just like Pete—Kenta never felt anything real for him.

I’m not saying that’s going to change how Kim feels. But maybe it changes how much he shows. Maybe he starts to close off, just a little. Maybe, piece by piece, he retreats into himself. Because the longer Kenta is away, the more he questions if Kenta will ever come back.

He doesn’t have the answer.

Or maybe he does.

But either way, it’s all coming crashing down.

Am I selfish for also wanting Pete to be the one who tells Kim to go rescue Kenta—after realizing the new truth that’s settled over Kim’s heart? Like, “He trusts you the most,” and Kim just thinks, No, he doesn’t. But he says okay anyway, because he hasn’t quite reached the point where he’s hardened his heart completely. Not yet. Even if every passing day feels like Kenta choosing to speak only to Pete and no one else. And Kim still just wants to see him safe. To see Kenta. Out of there. Alive. So he agrees.

And when he does find Kenta—roped up, or chained, or something brutal like that—Kim drops to his knees and undoes the knot without thinking. Just asks, quietly, “Are you okay?” And Kenta says, “I’m fine,” but Kim can see the gashes, the bruises, torn clean through the rips in his shirt. And he adds it—silently, tiredly—to the growing list of reasons why he needs to start locking his feelings up tighter: Kenta still doesn’t trust him enough to tell the truth.

And then, just as Kim is reeling from that, Kenta says, “Where’s Kim? The others? Are they still here?” And there it goes—Kim’s last stupid sliver of hope that maybe Kenta would say he missed him. Or that he’s glad Kim came. Or even apologize for the silence. But no. Kenta just wants intel. Wants reassurance that everyone else is safe.

Kim takes a breath. He knows Kenta doesn’t mean it like that. It’s not personal. He tells himself that. He tells Kenta what he wants to know—“Pete and Chris are in the lab. The others are on the fourth floor.” Something like that. And Kenta’s only response is, “We should go help them. They probably need it.”

And Kim’s hands would probably shake. Because Kenta will give help to everyone, but never let himself receive it. Never let himself need.

So Kim nods. Even though it’s against Pete’s plan of “get Kenta out of there.” Because logically, Kenta’s right—they probably do need help. So Kim hands over his extra gun. Hands Kenta his blade. Doesn’t look at his face—can’t look. Can’t risk seeing worry etched there for everyone else but him.

They run. Up the stairs, around the corner. Kim keeps his ears sharp, tracking Kenta’s footsteps behind him, listening for anything off in his breathing, anything that might mean pain. Because Kenta would never admit it, not even now. Kim leads the way, relying on the map etched into his memory.

He’s so focused on Kenta—on his pace, his breath, his silence—that he misses the sound of gunfire. Until Kenta yanks him back just seconds before a bullet could’ve taken him out. And Kenta’s hand is wrapped around his wrist. Tight. And Kim’s heart has the audacity to flinch, to leap, to hope.

But he shuts it down. Because he’s seen this film before, and he didn’t like the ending. Back then, hope was fair game. Now? Now it’s just reckless.

So he steadies himself. Slowly, gently, he pulls away. Takes Kenta’s hand off him without a word.

Don’t get me wrong—I want them to kiss. I want them to kiss and end this whole emotionally devastating circus just as much as—if not more than—anyone else. I want them to have their soft moment, to finally collapse into each other’s arms, safe and warm and wanted. I want the warmth, the resolution, the overdue comfort. I wouldn’t change a single thing about the series—not one damn moment—but my brain has been fermenting, and you know it’s never once let a heartbroken character just... breathe. Not once. So here I am, spiralling. That said, I really want to know what you all think—honestly. Do you think Kim would pull away, even just a little? Quietly protect himself before he breaks? Or do you think he’d double down, push harder, desperate to prove that love means staying, even now?

[zosanniz]

your op favs as common relationship tropes? Like best friends to lovers? Enemies to lovers? Etc?

LOL SURE! I have a lot of op favs :D I also did just general characters a lot of people like so quite a few strawhats will be here, dw guys!

Ace is definitely best friends older brother (+ childhood friends to lovers). I can’t get it outtt of my head like luffy your dumbass best friend but also Ace has been tagging along since yall were kids, you guys grow up together and he’s always been like a supportive rock for you whenever you needed it, and if luffy ever did something stupid to upset you he’d punch his brother and knock some sense into him. Also just love the idea of him being “protective” when guys try to flirt with you, whenever you guys are drinking, etc. but knowing he likes you PLUS not being able to confess because he wants to respect Luffy, and then luffy randomly is just calling you guys a couple and ace is like “excuse me.” “What?” “WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT.” And that’s how ace eventually decides maybe it’s fine if he asks you out.

Lawwww! The friends to lovers matchmaker crush trope with law is my fav. Law liking an oblivious ass person to the point they try to match him with anyone they find on the street would be amusing for everyone that isn’t law. He continuously tries to get you to knock it off and eventually when he’s driven to the brink he just confesses in a bit of a rage (also probably takes your matchmaking as you not liking him back and trying to give him somebody else because law loves to misinterpret and assume when it comes to you).

Zoro trope that makes me laugh is brothers best friend… or best frenemy in this case. Zoro having feelings for SANJI’S sibling will always be funny. Sanji would be pissed, Zoro doesn’t care. Okay maybe he cared at first and tried to deny it, but eventually decided it would be really funny to piss Sanji was off so he stopped caring about liking you as much.

Luffy with first love trope because you’re definitely his first and only. Also best friends to lovers because there’s no way he ain’t falling in love with his best friend. Childhood friends to lovers as a bonus.

Doffy with can’t live with them, can’t live without them because we all know how toxic that man is. He is extremely frustrating sometimes, especially with his rather controlling nature but you can’t find it in you to leave, because you need him too.

Crocodile I would say secret relationship is HEAVY with this one (+ coworkers to lovers). I guess. There’s just something inherently crocodile about having an affair with your boss.

Hancock is totally enemies to lovers to me. Like fucking despises you at first but like Luffy, you do something that proves your innocent, kind soul, and she falls in love with you. She fell first they fell harder is cute in hindsight, but she’s definitely the one that fell harder.

Nami relationship coach is so real. You’re trying to get better with girls and Nami tries to help you because you’re hopeless, and she ends up wishing you were trying to get better at romance (and sex probably) for her sake. She just ends up realizing she likes you through the experience.

Sanji it’s absolutely he fell first they fell harder idk what to tell you. For obvious reasons, he ends up crushing on you first, but you end up falling really hard for him because despite his perverted schemes, he’s the sweetest guy you ever met. Runaway fiance for the funnies. Love at first sight, duh.

Robin is just a classic friends to lovers. For I really can’t imagine Robin sleeping with anyone or doing anything risky like that. I think she just naturally falls for somebody she’s close to. Different story pre strawhats though I could see that being friends w benefits to lovers, lol. But after meeting Luffy and the others, defo not.

Usopp is also friends to lovers for me because I can’t see Usopp just sleeping randomly with whoever. Love at first sight is kinda heavy here though, he adores you IMMEDIATELY.

Corazon and secret relationship is just so real and I would think nobody would question me on this one. He just wants to protect you. Long distance relationship as well because he’s always out doing shit. He loves you 😢

Kid is so the rich and the poor just hear me OUTTTT. My god, him falling for some “rich priss” he accidentally pissed off when they first met, and that he continues to purposefully annoy and piss off just to get their attention. So yeah, enemies to lovers core to the max.

Killer is also the rich and the poor but like in a different way. You’re just rather intrigued by him and his travels and fall in love with this sweetie pie. And killer just naturally falls for you as well. Screams into the void I love killer so much.

[m0n0lithical]

☆ oc tag game !

Tagged by @vampwan 💖 Ahhh thank you this gave me an excuse to actually develop more for a character who doesn't have a bunch established for him yet - or at least stop waffling about some aspects of him and decide for good. Also to post someone other than asshole cat rofl.

NAME: Varrien Burns NICKNAME: Ren (which isn’t TECHNICALLY accurate, but he likes it so poo on letter order accuracy) GENDER+PRONOUNS: Trans Man, He/Him AGE: 22 SPOKEN LANGUAGE(S): Simlish, Toki Sulani, Tartosiano OCCUPATION: Uni student. ☆ favorite COLOR: Pink, purple, & yellow. ENTERTAINMENT: Home decorator shows. Cooking competition shows, too – particularly baking, since he can be properly judgmental in those cases. DRINK: Plumberry nectar for alcoholic, lemonade for non-alcoholic. PAST-TIME: Baking or gymnastics if he has to be indoors, soccer or swimming if he can be outdoors. Generally, just a lot of sports or demanding physical activities. FOOD: Poke bowl (BUT if you manage to convince him to admit he loves sweets, then he’ll tell you that he makes sweet potato pie for himself constantly) ☆ have they...? PASSED UNIVERSITY: Working on it! (but not yet) HAD SEX: Definitely. HAD SEX IN PUBLIC: Yes, but only a couple times – not really his thing. GOT TATTOOS: Several! - hands/back/shoulder are the commonly visible ones, but he also has a subtle one along his top scars. GOT SCARRED: He has a few that are often visible – each arm has at least two, and one going down the right side of his torso. The ones usually covered are one that is vertical down his left thigh, as well as his top scars. HAD A BROKEN HEART: Not yet, no – he thought he did in highschool when his first crush strung him along a bit before embarrassing him in front of his class, but in hindsight, it definitely wasn’t as bad as his 14-year-old-self thought it was – and certainly not dramatic enough to constitute a broken heart. ☆ are they...? A CUDDLER: Yes – he’s very open with his affection towards people, particularly in public. As long as the target of the affection is okay with it, he will squeeze the life out of you. Funny enough, he’s more reserved in private, but still shows physical affection often – just probably in more subtle ways. EASILY JEALOUS: Not even remotely. Comes with the territory of being polyamorous – only loving one person at a time doesn’t come naturally to him, so he doesn’t expect it of anyone else, either. TRUSTWORTHY: Uhhhhh...look, just don’t sign any of his contracts. He doesn’t want to fuck you over, mind, but if he wants to keep living as he is now, some monkey’s paw punishment has to be done to whoever signs on the line. ☆ family SIBLINGS: Nada – an only (adopted) child. PARENTS: Power couple real estate mogul lesbians – they had no plans for kids whatsoever, until one of their neighbors had a dilemma of an unknown child being literally dropped on their doorstep. Them taking Varrien in was supposed to be temporary (the neighbors who found him had no room or money for another child), but he was basically a ‘foster fail’, just without any actual foster system. CHILDREN: God no, and he’d not even consider it for at least a decade, really. PETS: Two dogs (a pomeranian & a chihuahua), but his moms have them both while he’s attending university.

Tagging @igotsnothing @freezerbnuuy @southernsimmin @sadraccoon061 @herzblau & @marzipaneavocado ! I was MIA for like...4 days while my brain hyperfocused on C A T so I'm not totally sure whose been tagged but - if any of you want and excuse to do it, here it is ✨ As always no obligation/feel free to ignore the tag if you don't want to do it 💖

[sunnnfish]

hey we *should* talk abt tashiro and loneliness! sometimes i get reminded of that page in second anime guidebook extra where tashiro is just quietly observing around and when he says its gonna be lonely kuresawa does his glasses thing,,, and what happened to lonelines,,, we definitely should talk about it

okay i need to lock in. hello anon thank you so much for letting me unleash this unto the world. buckle up strap in Here we go.

TASHIRO GONZABUROU AND LONELINESS: AN IMPROMPTU ESSAY

first we are all going to look at this excerpt from the Sasaki and Miyano: First Years Novel:

“So you’re never coming back, President?” I said. “I ain’t President anymore.” “Not the point! I haven’t beat you yet…” I clenched my fists, a yawning, lonely feeling of loss opening within me. “Ahh. You mean the thing about getting to quit if you win? The next president’ll keep that promise. Don’t you worry.” “What?” I don’t get it. What happened to the loneliness? The new president—in other words, Hanzawa.

a bit of context just in case you're here and you don't know yet: Tashiro's chapter in the first years novel deals with his joining of the ping pong club, which he initially did as a joke kind of but couldn't leave until he beat the club president (really good at ping pong). so he's downright stuck. and he doesn't like to admit it but he dedicates a lot of his time trying to beat the president. and he never does win. and then the president graduates and hanzawa is the new president. so it's like. for a moment, all that time and dedication and well. friendship. was being taken away from him. i think the previous president was maybe one of the closest people he had. takes two to play ping pong, and all that. it's a conversation. hurts to have your partner taken away.

and then we get the second guidebook extras. where fucking this happens:

and afterwards miyano thinks about loneliness and Sasaki graduating but we're Not Going To Get Into That. sooo funny you're comparing hanzashiro and sasamiya harusono shou Sorry. this isn't about that. anyways. we see it here again. Tashiro's president is graduating again. and he feels lonely. and this time there's no one to replace it. that yawning, lonely feeling of loss. (<-just. a really insane way to describe it. insanely profound. harusono shou and hachijo kotoko Answer my calls.)

so those kind of set the stage for me being completely totally insane. even before these, i kinda always had the feeling of like. what I've mentioned in my other posts. about how hes Friends With Everyone but not close with anyone. he's quite surface level. and those he Was rather close with, the prospect of losing them makes him lonely so easily. even just graduating. not getting to see them every day. and like. when he does let that feeling slip in the guidebook extra, everyone is kinda. stunned. like that show of vulnerability isn't normal at all from him. the way it's also framed as rainy and gloomy, and especially that dim panel of him smiling but thinking "it feels like not even half of them are still around…" its ominous as hell. he's so melancholic about it. but he still puts on that smiley facade. and looks around like it's a ghost town when nobody's looking.

another facet of it is his sharp insight. he's really good about noticing things about other people. and he's a really good listener. so i think a lot of people just. end up telling him things. but he doesn't really tell other people things. which is what i mean by friends with everybody but not close with anybody. people open up to him, but he doesn't open up to them. and the only people he was getting there with go on and graduate. leaves him lonely.

so it's all kinda like. he's very surface level social. in a way that nobody thinks he's got anything else going on. hes a Fun Guy!! nothing wrong over here! not that he necessarily has anything Wrong. just the feeling of like. he could have like a dead parent and nobody would know something was amiss. thats kinda dramatic but. yknow. he doesn't really talk about his feelings. anyways.

last aspect of the loneliness i wanna touch on a bit is his relationship with his parents. we. don't get much. one mention of them in his miso soup conversation:

“Man, that makes no sense to me! For one thing, we don’t even have miso every day at my house. If I want some, I just grab a packet of the instant stuff and boil up some water—on my own. I guess sometimes my folks ask me to make some for them, too, and I grab two packets.” “Huh! Wait, isn’t it actually expensive to make two people’s worth?” “Sure is. If that goes on for a couple days, my mom is like, it would be cheaper just to make a bunch at once! She always says laziness is the root of wasting money. And I’m like, I know that! But I keep making that soup.”

we'll get more into all that again later. focusing on his folks here. we can infer here that his parents don't seem to cook that often. it falls to him to make dinner for them all sometimes. and. i dunno. something about this makes them read as kinda distant. not in a neglectful or hurtful way... just. they don't care about what he does. like. I don't think he told them or asked permission to bleach his hair. he just Did It and came home and they were like Oh! well thats cool i guess [thumbs up]. i don't think he's very close with them either. like. he doesn't know How to open up, maybe. didn't grow up with it. that may be stretching it a bit though. whatever. either way, he keeps making that soup (miso soup metaphor for love. we'll get into it later).

so it's like. he does love his friends. he just sucks at opening up about his #feelings. and nobody could tell if he was truly upset about something. and everybody wants to hang out with someone else. it's played off for jokes but kuresawa and miyano often abandon him during breaks and holidays to hang out with their #lovers. though everybody note that shirahama is probably the exception to most of this. but he's also bad at talking about feelings so they don't really Talk about it. but he Knows. and they like to #hangout. (and thats part of what makes shirashiro so good to me. shirahama can ask a "hey are you okay" in a way that no one else can. #bestfriends) anyways.

i thiiink. that's everything. thank you for coming to my ted talk. thesis: Tashiro is secretly a pretty lonely guy but god forbid he Tell Anyone. peace and love on planet Tashiro gonzaburou….

[crazysandwich]

Tony Stark’s Legacy Isn’t Up for Debate

Okay, I need to talk about Tony Stark because I need to get this off my chest. Fair warning, this might be a bit controversial.

Disclaimer: I haven’t watched Ironheart yet, and I know I’m reacting to a single line taken out of context. Also, no spoilers in this post aside from that one line I’ll be talking about. So if you haven’t seen Ironheart yet either, don’t worry. I’m not going into anything else from the show. But these are just the thoughts that came to me after hearing it. I’ve seen a lot of clips on TikTok around the line, “Do you think Tony Stark would be Tony Stark if he wasn’t a billionaire?” and honestly, my issue here is mostly with the writing. Not with Ironheart as a character. Again, I haven’t seen the full series so I’m not judging her. But this isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this pattern.

There are a lot of great characters in the MCU with so much potential for good storytelling. But can we stop diminishing the impact that the original characters had? Specifically, Tony Stark, in this case. Let’s be real. He was a big deal. Huge. And we shouldn’t forget that. Move forward, yes. Create new stories, yes. But don’t erase what came before.

Lately, it feels like some writers are trying to push Tony into the background or treat him like a secondary figure. That just doesn’t sit right with me. You can’t rewrite the fact that he had one of the most significant character arcs in the MCU. Fans remember his story, his growth, his sacrifices, every iconic line.

And let’s not forget, Tony Stark’s entire arc was about proving he was more than just a billionaire. Yes, that was part of his identity, but it wasn’t the full story. Over ten years and multiple films, he showed again and again that he was willing to put others before himself, that he could grow, take responsibility, and make real sacrifices. That was the core of his character growth. From a self-centered weapons manufacturer to someone who snapped his fingers to save the universe. He didn’t just coast on his wealth. He evolved. That’s why people connected with him. That’s why it hurts to see that reduced to just "billionaire" as if that was all he ever was.

We literally turned “Tony Stark was able to build this in a cave! With a box of scraps!” into a cult quote. It was so iconic that it even got referenced again in a Spider-Man movie. Did the writers, producers, or anyone at Marvel forget how big of an impact that had? Why are they trying to downplay him now? It comes off as disrespectful.

Again, no hate to Ironheart. I’m excited to watch the series, and I’ll go in with an open mind. But this weird energy around dismissing Tony Stark needs to stop.

It’s not even just this show. I remember The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (which I loved, by the way, one of my favorites), and there was that part early on where it’s revealed the Avengers weren’t on a traditional salary, despite Tony’s financial support. And I get it, it’s part of the plot, but come on. He literally funded their headquarters, tech, suits, operations, and probably their living expenses too. The man gave them two whole buildings. What more was he supposed to do, run payroll on top of all that?

Yes, a formal salary would have been nice, but let’s not act like he left everyone high and dry. It feels like the writers are using him as an easy target lately, and I don’t get it.

Anyway, this turned into a full-on rant, haha. I just had to share these thoughts. Not sure if anyone else feels the same. Once again, no hate to Ironheart, I believe she has a lot of potential, and I have high hopes for the series. Just please stop disrespecting the OGs. If you want to create better and newer characters, do it. But don’t erase the ones who built the foundation.

[etvdes]

it stings for a minute, like a sunburn, to think that the version of them she fell in love with wasn’t real. they knew this was a trap of their own making, it was the reason that they had always felt like an outsider in their own life. they used to not mind it. it was so familiar to feel like they were watching everything go by as though it were a movie and they had no control over it. the world felt so much harsher now that they were in the drivers seat, instead of on some predetermined route as a passenger. they have so many questions they wish that they could ask, but they wouldn’t be able to handle the answers. so instead they settle for four small words. “i’m SORRY. for everything.” they’re not sure it means much, but they’re trying anyway. maybe someday their life would stop feeling like something they had to apologize for. they wondered for a split second if she understood why they hid, if she could see the shame that felt permanently etched into their face. they didn’t expect to need this as much as they clearly did. grey thought that they had run out of tears a long time ago, but evidently that wasn’t the case. and if they’re being honest, if they were around anyone else, the tears would burden them with even more shame then they were already feeling. but rowan had always had this special way about her that made them comfortable. it felt like coming home to sit here with her, and that was terrifying. when she pulls her hand away, they find themself looking over at her, crestfallen. they’re not sure how long they looked that way before they had the sense to cover it up. “hey, no—“ they’re begin, and now it’s their turn to reach for her. they toss a lanky arm over her shoulders, and their bright blue eyes are trained on her. “i don’t think that. i don’t think you didn’t care. if i thought that i wouldn’t be here talking to you right now.” they’re a little shocked by the statement as it comes out. not because it’s not true, it absolutely is, but some days it feels like they’ve forgotten what the truth is. “i just wonder what you thought of me, i guess.” grey explains, although it’s incomplete. in the back of their mind, they know the reason they’re asking is because they need some good to come out of exposing all of their long held secrets. “sometimes i guess it’s hard for me to remember what anyone knows—and god it’s so hard for me to talk about, i’m sure you have questions—“ a long pause, and they’re taking another breath to steel themself against their own emotions, which have always rocked them like choppy seas. “i guess i’m just trying to figure out where we’re starting from.” there’s a part of them that wants to pull her into their chest, to promise that they’re going to be okay, that she hasn’t done anything wrong, that there’s nothing for her to worry about. but even still, they suppress it. sure, it’s not like they forgot just how touch motivated she is. but after this conversation, all the boundaries felt blurry. and the last thing they wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable, especially when she had just spent so long comforting through a breakdown. it felt a little bit like a manic crash, like they weren’t sure what shame was because they were actually embarrassed, and what was from the untenable tethers of their own mental illness. what was something she had noticed, like their tendency to go missing at least one night a week without even the slightest explanation, or the things she wanted to know? maybe they’re wondering how bad of a job they actually did at hiding it all, as if being bad at it was some twisted justification for not doing it anymore. grey felt like they were searching for some reason they shouldn’t feel guilty about putting all of this on her shoulders, but maybe they’re answer was simply that they should. maybe they should’ve known better than to open their mouth.

“you don’t have to be that person — they weren’t real.” rowan almost wishes they were. it only for the fact that whoever she thought grey was didn’t seem so burdened with their past. she’d known in the back of her mind that there was something going on. gaps in their history that they never bothered to fill in and she never prodded for them to. she just figured that with time they’d open up to her. she had expected that would be while they were still together but… at the very least now she has answers to some questions. and more questions but ultimately she knows she needs to be satisfied with what they offer. too much might mean that she pushes grey in a manner they’re not ready for and that’s really the last thing that she wants to do. “okay, alright. that’s something, isn’t it? even if you just… find his number in your phone. it’s something.” she at least wills it to seem so. any little step is progress towards hopefully pulling them a little more towards land than whatever sea it is that they’re drowning in. she can throw them all the life rafts that she wants to but until they take one, there’s nothing she can do. “what?” she knows what they’re asking but the question comes out anyway. gives rowan a pause as she flips back in her mind through the catalogue of their relationship. little things she ghosted over. questions she didn’t ask because she hated to rock the boat. “i um… i guess now maybe, that i know, i can see things…” it stings a little in the back of her throat in the way that surprises her. she wishes she could stop being so damn emotional for five fucking minutes. what does she have to cry about, really? “i think i was just so lost in you, in us, that i didn’t think about anything else. i can get a bit like that sometimes.” she shakes her head, disappointed in her own ability to only ever see a glimpse and not the bigger picture. she squeezes at their hand before withdrawing her own, sitting back and letting out a breath that only shakes a bit in her chest as it comes out. “it’s not that i don’t care. i’m not… if i realised you were suffering i wouldn’t have just acted like nothing was wrong. i just look at everything with these rose-tinted glasses and i’m — god, i’m really fucking sorry that i didn’t see, grey.”

[smoov-criminal]

i reblogged a post the other day about not getting out much which made me think about this, so let's also give a shout-out to folks who can't do much of anything even at home. those who spend most of or all of the day in bed or on the couch, those who can't cook or clean or bathe consistently if at all, who don't have the energy or ability to engage in hobbies, for those that feel like boring people because they don't or can't do much. we deserve love even if we're boring or not productive

[lovinglin]

THERE'S A SUBPLOT NOW FOR THE CYBERPUNK AU APPARENTLY HRNAHDKAHDJFHSJA

Ft. @4rachnophilia abt to win GF's heart and beat BF's ass rap battle style (and hopefully not get out of hand)

Also extra cameos in the bg ft. me, @ttimecode, @beeholyshit and @jils-things bc why not HRHEHDJAHDHD

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another specific scenario nice & simple like winston "isn't allowed to have a 'correct' cishet(tm) gender n sexuality anyways" "keeps immediately latching on to the nonbinariest people around him" billions goes yolo mode after going [just endlessly weather it at the sunk cost factory] firmly established itself as a shitshow and decides like i'm gonna hook up with a guy fr (has not already happened, in this specific scenario) and then does so, congrats to him. however, with all the precedent in the world, it's like here's your big anxiety about any autodidactic sex ed beforehand. here's your big anxiety about just general surveillance & malicious handling of it afterwards. no way anyone could have completely founded hangups about everything even further just indefinitely now. bonus points though he still goes to math meetup has real math friends over there who have Really provided the [yeah it's not actually a popularity contest here] arena & he's known them for years & let's say has at least One amicable person who talks with him out of it, maybe even two. congrats to him canonly for getting out of there, sure hurt him as much as they possibly could on his way out though, was legitimately the goal

[xxbittersweetsanctuaryxx]

Hii!! Please don't use my work if you post stuff such as: sh, gore and suggestive stuff, thank you!

Ohhhhh nooo, I'm assuming you mean the Misa Gif? Thanks for letting me know! I'll take it off my post rn (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ It's super cute btw, but totally understand if you don't want certain content to be associated with your work. - 🐇🌷

[foxy-eva]

Send Nudes

Summary: Chaos ensues after you accidentally send Spencer a nude pic

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader 

Category: Smut

Content Warnings: (18+, minors DNI) dub-con (Spencer receives an unsolicited nude pic), embarrassment, awkwardness, tension, heavy kissing, male masturbation, oral (fem receiving), handjob, protected penetrative sex

Author's Note: I wrote this for @imagining-in-the-margins Wrong Recipient Challenge!

Word count: 3.2k

Masterlist

Panic. Embarrassment. Shame. 

It was hard to describe what you felt when you stared at your phone, realizing that you had just sent Spencer Reid a nude picture of yourself. 

It was a mistake, of course – right when you wanted to send him a screenshot of an article, you stumbled over the mess in your apartment and selected the wrong picture. Frozen in place, you watched in horror as the read receipt showed up instantly. 

Spencer had just seen your naked body light up on the screen of his phone. 

A picture he never asked for and probably didn't want to see. It wasn’t a bad photo, some might even call it aesthetically pleasing. But you had never intended for anyone else to see it. It was just a way for you to make yourself feel good about your body. 

You contemplated your options. Burning your phone, moving across the country and changing your identity sounded intriguing but difficult to arrange. Instead you decided to text Spencer, hoping that soon you’d both be able to laugh about the embarrassing thing you just did. 

“I am so sorry about that. I really didn't mean to send that! Can you please delete the pic and forget about it?” 

You didn't get a response. Spencer was never great at texting but you had really hoped to hear back from him. It was hard to tell if he felt just as embarrassed or maybe even offended – you certainly wouldn't want to receive unsolicited nude pics either. 

You had barely gotten any sleep when you walked into work the next morning. Worst case scenarios had plagued your mind all night – from another painful workplace sexual harassment seminar to maybe even losing your job over your mishap – you had no idea what would expect you today. 

Everything seemed normal when you got to your desk, except for the fact that your favorite coworker didn't even look at you when you walked by him. Spencer usually liked sitting beside you in the conference room and also on the jet, but he did neither of those things that day. 

“Wow you really must have pissed Reid off, huh?” Luke whispered when he sat down beside you on the plane. 

“Did he say anything to you?” you wanted to know. 

“No, he didn't. What did you do? Spill coffee over his favorite chess board?” he teased. 

“Oh it’s so much worse than that,” you whined while heat rushed to your face. 

Emily decided to discuss the case before Luke could ask more questions. Spencer avoided you for the next couple of hours until you decided you both had suffered enough. 

A quiet moment in the coffee kitchen of the police precinct seemed good enough to approach him.

“Hey Spencer,” you said and noticed how he almost jumped at the sound of your voice. 

“H…hi,” he mumbled, his eyes fixated on the floor.

Stepping closer, he finally looked at you for the first time that day. The rosy shade spreading over his cheeks was impossible to ignore. 

“I’m very sorry about the… you know. I didn't mean to send it but I understand if you feel offended by it,” you sincerely told him. 

“I’m not… offended.”

You took a deep breath before you continued talking, “All I want to say is… if you want to discuss this incident with Emily or even HR, I would understand. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable in any way.” 

“No, it’s okay, really,” he lied. “We can just forget about it.” 

Spencer Reid was good at many things. Lying, however, definitely wasn’t his strong suit. You decided to drop the subject for now, aware that talking more about it would probably not make him less uncomfortable. 

The tension between you two was palpable for the rest of the workday. When you stepped into your hotel room that night, you were relieved to finally have a couple of walls between the two of you. 

If this thing didn't resolve soon, you’d have to talk to Emily about it eventually. But there was still hope that it wouldn't come to that. The embarrassment about your mishap was already bad enough as is.

The three knocks on your hotel door startled you. With your heart beating uncomfortably fast, you walked over to the door to find Spencer on the other side. 

He walked into your room without saying a word. Then he began slowly pacing up and down your room, still silent. He looked at you for a second but his sight fell to the floor immediately after that. 

“I uh…” he began before taking a deep breath. “I lied to you earlier.”

“About what?” you wanted to clarify. “Wanting to go to HR?” 

He shook his head. “I said that we can just forget about it but I don’t think I can do that.” 

Your heart felt heavy at his words. His discomfort pained you and you wished nothing more than to be able to take it back. “I’m so sorry Spencer.”

“I deleted the image off my phone but…” he paused to finally look at you. The expression written over his face was hard to read. What you didn't find was the discomfort you expected. Instead he looked… cocky?

He continued, “...it seems like it’s burned into my brain. And I can’t help but wonder, was it really an accident?”

“What?! Of course!” you squeaked. “Believe me, I would never want to send you a picture like that unprompted.”

That was when you saw a subtle smirk on his face. “Interesting choice of words.” 

You thought about it for a moment. Had you really just implied that you would want to send him nudes if he’d ask you to? 

“That's not what I meant,” you tried to brush it off. “And please don’t give me a lecture about Freudian slips.”

His presence filled the room and you felt like you couldn't take deep enough breaths to satiate your need for oxygen. His demeanor was so different from what you were used to and you had trouble wrapping your head around it.

His next question was even more surprising. “Who did you take this picture for?” 

The undertone in his voice was unsettling and you started feeling defensive. “I don’t see how that's any of your business but just for the record, I took it for myself. I do that occasionally to make myself feel good about my body.” 

It seemed as if he was content, almost relieved with your answer. You scanned his body language again and replayed his words in your head. Then it hit you all at once. Spencer was not here to scold you for what you did. 

He was jealous. And he wanted to make sure no one else got to see your picture. 

A grin formed on your face as you realized that you could play this game too.

Your tone was laced with a certain playfulness when you asked, “What did you do after you saw the picture?”

The change of your demeanor seemed to take Spencer by surprise. “I just told you, I deleted it.” 

“I don't think that's all you did.” He audibly gulped and you noticed his cheeks taking on a reddish color. Stepping closer to him, you whispered, “Did you touch yourself, Spencer?”

A shaky breath left his mouth before he confessed, “Yes.”

“Naughty boy,” You teased him. “You really liked that image, hm?” 

Nodding, he took a step forward until there was barely any space between the two of you. “I can't stop thinking about you.”

His words boosted your confidence. “I know I look great in that pic. But I think I would look even better in this lighting right here, don’t you think?” 

Before you could bring to action what you had insinuated, you felt Spencer's hands cupping your face to pull you into a kiss. The surprised gasp escaping your throat was muffled by his lips against yours. 

He kissed you with a fervor that knocked the air out of your lungs. Weakness rushed to your knees and you had to hold onto him to not tumble back. One hand pawed at his shirt while the other one held onto his shoulder. His lips felt soft yet firm against yours. 

When his tongue begged for entrance, you let it. As he deepened the kiss, you could feel heat rushing through body. A few moments ago you really thought you’d have the upper hand in this game you were playing but now realized you were just as pathetic as he was. 

Maybe sending him that image was a Freudian slip of some kind. Or maybe it was just some odd plan the universe had to bring you together. Either way, you were grateful for how things turned out. 

Your hands became curious as they wandered over Spencer’s body. The tingling in your fingertips could only be soothed by feeling his skin underneath them, so they quickly began unbuttoning his shirt. Spencer showed a similar interest in feeling more of you by the way his fingers dropped down to the hem of your shirt. 

Piece after piece both of your clothes fell to the floor, only ever breaking the kiss for as long as necessary. When you stood completely bare in front of one another, you dared to press your body against his to feel him. 

It was impossible to tell who moaned first when his length pressed against your stomach. With a firm grip on his shoulders, you moved him back until his legs made contact with the edge of the bed. You pushed down until he sat on the mattress, staring up at you with a curiosity in his eyes that made your heart jump. 

As you stepped back, his tongue darted out of his mouth to lick over his lips and you wondered if he thought about tasting you. To your surprise, he managed to not break eye contact until you challenged him, “Go on, take a look.”

His sight scanned your body, lingering on your breasts for a second before moving further down, taking everything in. You couldn’t hold back from looking at him, too. A rosy color had spread all over his cheeks and chest and when you dared to drop your eyes to his cock, you noticed how it twitched slightly against his thigh. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he cooed when your eyes met again. 

“Better than the image?” you teased, smirking at him. 

He only nodded before looking at your body again. It was like he was mesmerized, as if a miracle had just unfolded right before him. It became obvious that he was ready to worship you if you’d let him. But first, you had something else in your mind. 

“Show me exactly what you did when you saw my picture,” you told him. 

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “Wh… what?” 

“Don’t be shy now,” you snickered. “Come on, I wanna see how pretty you think I am.” 

The sweet smile on your face seemed to encourage him enough to let his right hand move towards his hardness. It was as if he needed reassurance when he found your eyes and you nodded.

He wrapped his fingers around his cock, giving himself a squeeze and you watched as precum spilled over the tip. Slowly, he began moving his fist up and down his length, swiping his thumb over the head each time he got to the top. The groan that slipped from his lips could only be described as absolutely sinful. 

You couldn’t deny how much the sight in front of you turned you on. Spencer was so incredibly beautiful and the thought that your body had the ability to make him feral like that drove you insane. 

Arousal gathered at your entrance the longer you watched him. This show was no longer enough for you, you needed more. Your hands found the curve of your chest, gently kneading them before your fingers began toying with your hardened peaks. Spencer’s eyes were fixated on your hands, his mouth hanging wide open and unabashedly moaning at the sight while accelerating the pace of his hand. 

Then suddenly, he stopped and got up from bed. Desperation was written all over his face when he looked at you. 

“Please,” he begged as he stepped closer. “I need to touch you.” 

It was everything you wanted right then, too. 

“I’m all yours, Spencer.” 

His mouth was on yours in an instant and he didn’t waste any time to move you over to the bed to push you onto the mattress. He followed quickly, towering over you as he kissed down your neck, making you moan in anticipation of what would follow. 

He moved further down your body, kissing and nipping on the tender flesh of your breasts before focusing his attention on your nipples. The sensation was almost unbearable and you could feel how your arousal began coating the insides of your thighs. 

Spencer smiled against your skin when he noticed you rocking your hips against his leg every so slightly. His confidence grew as he realized that you wanted him just as much as he wanted you. 

“Needy,” he chuckled as he kissed down your stomach. “That’s cute.” 

Right then you couldn’t care less about being in charge, you just wanted to be taken care of. When his lips brushed over your inner thigh, you opened your legs further to give him better access. He lay down between your legs and didn’t waste any time before he began leaving feather light kisses against your folds. 

You watched as he licked his own lips, tasting your essence on them before he found your eyes. 

“You’re so wet,” he teased and let a finger move along your slit. “Is that all for me?” 

He expected a witty response, like you telling him to bring his mouth to good use for once. So it took him by surprise when you simply sighed, “Yes.” 

There was no more game to play. No more back and forth of who was in charge. It was just the two of you, equally as desperate to finally do what you both had been dreaming of for weeks.

“Good,” Spencer whispered, his hot breath tickling your core, before he finally granted you some relief. 

His tongue moved through your folds, collecting your taste before he focussed on your most sensitive spot. He experimented with different motions for a few moments, paying attention to your reactions until he found what you enjoyed the most. Your hand flew to his hair, your fingers intertwining with his curls to hinder him from moving away – even though he had no intention to do so, anyway. 

With one arm wrapped around your thigh he hindered you from bucking uncontrollably against his face while his other hand found your entrance, letting two fingers slip into you with ease. He moved with great precision, adjusting the angle and the pace according to your reactions, bringing you closer to your breaking point with every second passing. 

The sounds of your pleasure filled the room as you began dancing along the brink of euphoria. With just a few more skillful motions, he pushed you over it. Your walls pulsed around his fingers while your entire body shook. He worked you through your orgasm before he lay back down beside you, placing a gentle kiss against your lips. 

You were still panting when you found his eyes. The warm amber of his irises was almost completely swallowed by his pupils, the lust visible in his eyes contradicting the saccharine smile he showed you. 

“You okay?” he breathed as he wrapped one arm around your waist. 

“Yeah,” you confirmed while one of your hands moved down his body. 

Tentatively, you let your fingertips brush along his length, feeling his velvety skin under your touch. “Now what are we gonna do with you?” you purred as you wrapped your fingers tightly around him, making him gasp. 

With a torturously slow pace, you moved along his cock. “Tell me, Spencer. What do you want?” 

“I uhm…,” he audibly swallowed. “I have a condom in my pocket.” 

The fact that he brought a condom to your hotel room when he came over early amused you. He never had any intention of just talking to you. 

“So, you want to fuck me?” 

“Yes,” he admitted unabashedly. “If you want that, too, of course.”

With a nod you confirmed that that was exactly what you wanted as well. Right after you let go of him, he grabbed his pants from the floor to take out the foil wrapper. You watched as he ripped it open and carefully rolled down the condom. 

Then, he kneeled down between your legs, taking a moment to admire the beauty of the woman in front of him. 

“Come here,” you cooed and he leaned over you without hesitation. 

Reaching between your bodies, you guided him to your entrance. He closed his eyes when he slowly entered you, relishing the sensation of stretching you open inch by inch. When he was fully inside you, he kissed you before he began moving with slow thrusts.

Wrapping your legs around his hips, you brought him even closer. When he was sure that you could take it, he accelerated his pace, fucking you against the mattress until you were sure you would lose your mind. 

Spencer’s body began trembling and he suddenly stopped moving. 

“Sorry, I’m really close,” he whined and tried to pull out slightly. 

“Don’t stop,” you pleaded as you kept him in place with your legs around him. “Please, I need it.”

One of your hands moved down to where your bodies were joined to desperately draw circles around your little nub, making you clench hard around his hardness. 

“Fuck,” he whimpered as he began moving again. “I can’t, ah–” 

With just a few more deep thrusts Spencer came, his cock twitching inside you as his whole body shook. It was enough to throw you over edge too, entering a state of pure bliss together with him. After you had both come down from your high, you welcomed him inside your embrace, your fingertips gently dancing over his back as he caught his breath. 

For the sake of getting cleaned up you separated for a few moments, only to lay back down together soon after. A shaky breath fell from Spencer’s lips and caught your attention. 

“So…,” he began talking but didn’t continue. 

You propped yourself up on one elbow to find his eyes. “Yeah?”

“I wanted to ask if maybe–” 

“You want me to send you that pic again?” you interrupted him with a grin on your face. 

“No,” he laughed. “I mean… that’s not what I wanted to say.”

Still in a teasing mood, you snickered, “But you would like to see that pic again?”

“You know what,” he chuckled as he lifted the blanket to get a peek at your naked body. “I think I actually prefer this.”

“Good,” you chirped. “If you want to see more of me you’ll have to take me on a date though.”

Placing a soft kiss on your lips, he whispered, “Deal.”

Thank you for reading! Please like, reblog and leave a comment to show your support and help me stay motivated to write more stories!

Taglist: @adoredfromafar @grumpyy-bearr @frickin-bats @pleasantwitchgarden @cynbx @xserenax-13 @alexxavicry @samuel-de-champagne-problems @evvy96 @reidsbookclub @lover-of-books-and-tea @sebs-oxygen @nomajdetective @kobaltdragon @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @castiels-majestic-wings

[thelostmagicians]

Two Teas and a Coffee | Spencer Reid

Summary: Spencer’s changed, but JJ hasn’t realized it or the aftermath of JJ’s confession and how it should’ve gone [3.3k]

Warnings: Fluff, Spencer being in love with you, angst

♡

JJ never saw it coming.  

Not at first.  

She had seen every version of Spencer Reid—the awkward genius, the baby profiler, the grieving man who had lost so much. She had seen him at his highest and his lowest, and through it all, she had always thought she knew him better than anyone else. 

So when you entered the picture, she didn’t think much of it.  

You were fresh meat, eager to prove yourself, and naturally, you gravitated toward Spencer. Everyone did, at first. His mind was a magnet for curiosity. He was brilliant, fascinating, full of facts that would bore most people into the ground  

But you weren’t most people.  

JJ noticed that much early on—how you never seemed annoyed by Spencer’s ramblings, how you never cut him off or rolled your eyes the way some of them did when he rambled on for too long. You actually listened. You asked questions. You encouraged him.  

At the time, JJ thought you were just kind. She appreciated it, really. Spencer had been lonely since Morgan left, and he needed someone. She assumed that was all you were—someone filling a space, a way to keep him from retreating back inside himself the way he had after Maeve.  

She didn’t realize it was anything more.  

Not when Spencer began seeing more of you outside work.

Not when you were the first person he asked for after a case. 

Not even when he hugged you a little too tightly after a tough day.  

—

She convinced herself it was just a close friendship. 

And then prison happened.  

JJ had cried in response to the verdict, but you were broken.  

She found you in the hall after they carried Spencer away. You were propping yourself against the wall, eyes on the floor, hands trembling at your sides. When she called your name, you didn’t look up at first. 

"You okay?" JJ asked, echoing her question to Spencer from the night before.

You let out a short, humorless laugh. "No." “He didn’t deserve this,” you croaked, voice heavy with emotion.

“I know,” she said.  

“He—” You took a deep, shuddering breath. “He’s not going to be okay in there.”  

She stood beside you. "He’s strong. He’ll get through this."

You shook your head. "You don’t get it, JJ." Your voice cracked. "I can’t lose him."

JJ didn’t understand. Not then. She had always been protective of Spencer, but the way you said it was different. It wasn’t just concern—it was something deeper, something raw. And for the first time, she wondered just how much Spencer meant to you.

—

Then he got out.  

And the first person he hugged was you.

JJ had been right there, had reached for him instinctively, but before she could even take a step, Spencer had gone straight to you.  

He buried his face in your shoulder, arms wrapped tightly around you, like he needed to feel you to believe this was real. And you—God, the way you held him, whispering reassurances, grounding him—JJ had never seen anything like it.  

That should have been her first clue.  

But it wasn’t.  

Not until she told him she loved him.  

The moment the words escaped her lips, she saw the way his whole body froze. He didn’t look at her the way she had hoped, the way people do in movies when they realize they’ve been in love all along.  

He looked shocked.

And maybe—just maybe— a little disappointed. 

After they were rescued, after the chaos, after everything settled. He had gone straight to you. He didn’t come to her. Not to ask how she was doing. Not to talk about the confession. Not to do anything.

That, more than anything, sent a burning, ugly rage surging through her.  

Then, not long after, she saw him kiss you.

Before she could look away, his hands were on your face, and he was kissing you like he had been waiting his whole life to do it.  

JJ felt something crack inside her.  

It wasn’t just the kiss. It was the way he kissed you—the certainty, the desperation, like he couldn’t bear to go another second without showing you how he felt.  

She had never seen Spencer like that before.  

Not with Maeve.  

Not with anyone.  

—

So when Spencer finally came to find her, she was already bracing for a fight.  

"You shouldn’t have told me, it wasn’t fair" he told her the second he walked into the BAU’s empty break room, his voice strained with tension.  

JJ blinked, caught off guard by the directness. "What?”  

"You shouldn’t have told me you loved me," he said again, firmer this time. "It was selfish, JJ."  

She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Oh, so now it’s selfish to tell someone how you feel?"  

"Yes!" Spencer snapped, stepping closer, his eyes dark with something she couldn’t quite name. "Because I didn’t need to know that. You didn’t need to say it. What did you think was going to happen? That I’d just—what? Drop everything? That I’d throw myself at you?"  

JJ flinched. "Spence—"  

"You don’t get to do that," he cut her off, a sharp edge to his voice. "I’m not your backup plan, JJ."  

"That’s not what this is about!" she shot back, feeling the heat rise in her chest.  

"Then what is it about?" Spencer demanded. "Because as far as I can tell, you dropped this confession on me after years of nothing, when I finally found someone who makes me happy. And now—now what? I’m supposed to apologize? I’m supposed to feel guilty?"  

JJ exhaled sharply, her fingernails digging into her arms. "I didn’t know I was going to say it, Spencer. I didn’t plan for this, I didn’t—”. "I don’t know what I expected!” She yelled, tears of frustration stinging her eyes. "But I didn’t expect you to just—just disregard my feelings like this! I didn’t expect you to move on so fast!”  

"Fast?" Spencer laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Fast? JJ, I have spent years thinking I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I have spent years being alone, thinking no one could ever love me the way I wanted to be loved. And now, when I finally have someone who does, you think I should just—what? Erase that? Drop everything? Forget that you have a husband and a family? To wait for you?"

JJ swallowed hard, the words hitting her like a blow.  

"You never even gave me a chance to begin with," Spencer said, his voice soft, but still fierce. "And maybe, maybe there was a time where I would have jumped at this—where I would have given anything to hear you say you loved me." He exhaled sharply, shaking his head. "But that time has passed, JJ. And you—you need to be happy for me. The way I’m happy for you and Will."  

JJ felt something in her snap.  

"You’re choosing her over me," she accused, her voice breaking.  

Spencer’s face twisted with something like disappointment. "JJ—"  

"You are!” she insisted. "I’ve known you longer than she has, Spencer! I’ve been there for you! I’ve seen you at your worst—"  

"And yet you never saw me at all."  

The words stopped her cold.  

"You may have known me longer," Spencer said, his voice quiet, more raw. "But you never really knew me. You never cared to understand me."  

JJ opened her mouth, but nothing came out.  

Because she knew, in that moment, that he was right.  

—

JJ didn’t go straight home after the argument.

She sat in her car for a while, gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turned white, Spencer’s words repeating over and over in her mind.

"You may have known me longer, but you never really knew me. You never cared to understand me."

She had never seen him that angry before.

JJ wasn’t even sure what she had been expecting when she confessed to him, but it wasn’t that. Not the sharp edge in his voice, the sheer finality in the way he spoke. Like whatever bridge that had once existed between them was now burned to ash.

Eventually, she made herself drive home, even though she didn’t feel ready to face her family.

But the moment she stepped inside, Henry sprinted into her arms, and Michael wasn’t far behind, chattering excitedly about something he had done that day.

JJ swallowed the lump in her throat and crouched down, hugging them both tightly.

Will was in the kitchen, finishing up dinner, glancing over his shoulder with that easy smile of his. "Hey, babe. I heard from Emily, Are you okay? Did you get checked out?"

JJ hesitated. Then she nodded. "Yeah, just feel like shit."

Will didn’t press. He just wiped his hands and walked over, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Go sit, I got everything."

She watched him as he moved through the kitchen, effortlessly balancing cooking and keeping an eye on the boys. He had always been like that—steady, reliable, taking care of things before she even needed to ask.

She had never doubted Will’s love for her. That he would always put her and their family first.

And she had always wanted that for Spencer, too. She wanted him to be happy, to find someone who would love him the way he deserved.

On the drive home she tried to convince herself that’s all this was. That she was just watching out for him. Making sure he didn’t get hurt again.

But now, standing in her warm, bustling home, with Will taking care of dinner and the boys playing at her feet, she felt something ugly crawl up her spine.

Because Spencer finally had a chance at happiness- happiness with someone else, someone that wasn’t her.

And she was jealous.

She thought about how Spencer had gone straight to you after his release. The way he held you. The way he kissed you. The way he chose you.

Did he take care of you the way Will took care of her?

When you had a bad day, did Spencer know exactly how to comfort you? Did he cook for you? Hold you? Brush your hair out of your face, without a second thought, the way Will did for her?

If she and Spencer had gotten together—if she had realized her feelings sooner—what would they be doing right now? Would Spencer be standing in the kitchen, making dinner, smiling at her like she was his whole world?

JJ clenched her fists.

She had no right to feel this way.

She had a family. A husband who loved her. She had made her choices, and she had never regretted them.

So why did it feel like she lost something?

Why was there an ache inside her she couldn’t quite name?

Maybe because, for the first time, she was coming to terms with the fact that she and Spencer were never going to happen.

And it was her fault.

—

JJ tried not to let it get to her.

She and Spencer had years of friendship between them. A bond that couldn’t be broken so easily.

One night—one argument—didn’t change that.

And yet, things between them hadn’t been the same since.

There was an awkwardness now, something heavy that settled between them in the quiet moments. It wasn’t that Spencer was avoiding her—if anything, he was trying. She could see it in the way he made an effort to talk to her, the way he still offered her those random tidbits of information he knew she’d find interesting, the way he searched for cracks in the wall she had built.

But JJ wasn’t sure if she wanted to let him back in.

Because every time she looked at him, she remembered the fight. His words, sharp and unforgiving. The way he had looked at her—not like a friend, not like someone he trusted, but like someone who had failed him.

She knew Spencer well enough to know he wasn’t trying to hurt her. But that didn’t change the fact that she still felt angry. 

At him.

At you.

You, who knew nothing of the past—who had no idea about her history with Spencer or the complicated web of feelings she had buried so long ago that she convinced herself they didn’t matter.

And yet, she couldn’t escape you.

You were everywhere.

Weeks had passed since that night. Since Spencer’s words cut deeper than she cared to admit.

The way Spencer gravitated toward you in the bullpen, how he always seemed to position himself near you, even when there was plenty of space elsewhere. The way he looked at you—soft and unguarded, as if you were something precious and rare.

She realized, with a strange sort of ache, that she had never seen him look at anyone like that before.

And it wasn’t just him.

You never seemed exasperated when Spencer launched into one of his long-winded rants, the kind that had even the most patient members of the team zoning out. Instead, you listened intently, nodding along, asking questions, actually absorbing the information.

JJ had spent years learning how to keep up with Spencer, but you? You made it look effortless.

Then there were the subtler things, the things that spoke volumes even in the silence.

Spencer had always been fidgety, his mind moving a mile a minute, his body following suit—bouncing his knee, tapping his fingers, shifting from foot to foot. But she noticed now that whenever his leg started bouncing under the table, all it took was the briefest touch from you—a gentle hand on his arm, a slight brush of your fingers—and he immediately stilled, his entire body relaxing.

JJ wasn’t sure if you even realized you did it.

But Spencer did.

And he let you.

He wasn’t a huge fan of pda, at least not in front of the team. But lately, it seemed like the distance between you two had disappeared. She wasn’t sure when it had happened, but he seemed to be doing little things—things she would have never imagined him doing with anyone else.

She noticed it now: the way his fingers casually brushed against yours when you passed him a file, the way he gave you a soft smile when you caught his eye, the way he kept looking at you like you were the only person in the room.

And the others had noticed, too.

Luke had raised an eyebrow when Spencer absentmindedly reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Emily had smirked when Spencer leaned down to whisper something in your ear and you laughed, nudging him with your elbow. Even Rossi had made a passing remark about how Spencer seemed different lately, more at ease.

But what struck JJ the most was the way you and Spencer seemed to exist in your own little world, oblivious to how obvious it all was.

It was frustrating, the way she kept catching herself looking for something—some proof that she still knew Spencer better than anyone else. That he wasn’t really different, that you weren’t the only one who saw him.

She wasn’t sure what she was looking for. Maybe she was just trying to remind herself that she still knew Spencer, that there was still some part of him that was hers—even if it wasn’t in the way she had once imagined, but in the way that came from years of friendship, of understanding each other in ways no one else did.

But it was getting harder to fool herself of that.

Because the way Spencer was with you… it was different.

JJ had spent years convincing herself that she and Spencer had a connection that no one else could touch. But now, she was starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe, she had been wrong.

And the worst part?

She wasn’t sure what to do about it.

—

The three of you were stationed at a table, going through case files late into the evening. JJ had barely said a word to Spencer that didn’t pertain to the case, and she knew he noticed.

“Do you want something to drink?” Spencer asked after a while, his voice tentative, another olive branch extended her way. “Coffee? Water?”

JJ glanced up at him, her expression unreadable. He was trying, she knew that. But it still didn’t sit right with her—the way he was acting like things were fine, like they could just slot back into place without addressing the damage that had been done.

Before she could answer, you spoke up.

“I’ll get it, Spence,” you said, shaking your head lightly as you stood. “I need to stretch my legs anyway. Both of you relax for once and stop thinking about the case, at least until I’m back.”

Spencer hesitated, but at the slight nudge of your hand against his arm, he gave in, slumping back into his chair.

JJ watched the exchange in silence.

It was so easy for you, the way you just knew what he needed before he even did.

The awkwardness was palpable, even as you walked back into the room, three cups in hand. The atmosphere between her and Spencer had been tense, but now, it was like everything had shifted.

You placed a cup of coffee in front of JJ, a cup of tea in front of yourself, and a cup of tea in front of Spencer, your movements careful, but sluggish from the lack of sleep.

“Two teas and a coffee,” you said lightly, your back to them as you made your way over to the board, eyes scanning the case notes.

JJ blinked, her gaze drifting from Spencer to you, then to Spencer again.

“You don’t drink coffee anymore?” she asked, trying to sound neutral.

Spencer shifted in his seat, his posture suddenly stiff. “Not really.”

JJ swallowed. “Since when?”

Spencer didn’t look at her immediately. Instead, his gaze was on you, the familiar soft smile that had been reserved for so few people now spreading across his face. His gaze lingered on you for a moment before he shrugged, a subtle but unmistakable affection in his posture.

“I don’t know. A while, I guess,” he answered simply, his voice low and easy.

JJ’s stomach twisted in a way she couldn’t quite explain. She’d seen it—the way Spencer looked at you, the way he sounded when he spoke to you. He was different now, and the realization hit JJ hard.

She hadn’t been paying attention. She hadn’t been listening, hadn’t truly seen what had been right in front of her.

And suddenly, it felt like the weight of her frustration—the anger that had been building for weeks—was slipping away. Maybe, just maybe, she had been looking at the situation all wrong.

JJ looked at Spencer for a long moment, realizing just how wrong she’d been. She had let her own bitterness and hurt cloud her judgment, had let the past define their friendship, when what really mattered was the present. And she wanted to fix that.

With a deep breath, she smiled at Spencer, the tension in her shoulders easing.

She stood up, walking over to where you were standing at the board. You looked up briefly as she approached, and JJ could see the soft warmth in your eyes.

“I was thinking about the timeline,” JJ began, standing beside you now, glancing at the board, eager to refocus on the task at hand.

You nodded. “Yeah, the key thing is we need to tie everything together—look for patterns in the victim’s movements.”

As JJ stood there, side by side with you, she knew now that Spencer was right. And as she watched you both—watched you understand him, steady him, love him—she realized something painful. There had never been a chance for her. Not really. Not since you walked into his life. Maybe, if you had never entered the picture, there would have been a future for her and Spencer. But that’s all he was to her now.

Her biggest what if.

And you?

You were his always.

[makingqueerhistory]

":')))))))) you realise that gen AI is available to everyone though right??? Queer creators can use it just as much as anyone else??? I just don't understand this post... It really feels like a cheap way to get on the 'AI Bad's bandwagon, and coming from such a thoughtful and insightful creator that's incredibly disappointing... It's okay to not comment on subjects you're not an expert in y'know...?"

Y'all know the drill, I am replying to this publicly but that is not an invitation to send any negative messages to the person I am replying to.

Anyways, let me start by saying that the original context of the post you're replying to is discussing an event where a queer org used generative AI to steal an interview with Keri Hulme. So let's start there. To be clear I don't even know if the original interviewer was queer so let's put the identities of stealer and stolen from to the side. I want to explain the harm done in this example specifically and I hope this is illustrative of what harm generative AI can (and does) do.

The original place I saw generative AI was a queer org that explicitly says they are using generative AI "for good", and as a way to bring more queer history to light. So let's take them at their word, and assume they are not out to cause harm. This is the best example of generative AI that I can imagine, so I hope that makes it clear that I am not coming at this issue from bad faith in any way.

Here is the harm they are causing:

Decontextualizing and rephrasing an interview: I am not going to pretend that I am an expert in academic best practices, but I do believe one thing, if a person is speaking on their own identity and lived experience, it is always much better to directly quote than it is to rephrase. As I read this source, I initially didn't know that it was AI, and I was already upset. An interview that is widely available on the internet with no pay wall, was poorly sourced and made more vague than it was in the initial text. By creating one degree of seperation between the original words of A WRITER (whose literal job was largely based in choosing the right words to describe experiences they had) harm is already done. It makes vague what was once clear, and removes Keri Hulme's voice from her own narrative.

The original interviewer is not paid, or given proper recognition: I get it, sometimes just copy pasting an interview doesn't feel transformative enough, but something that one would learn if they worked in the queer history field and weren't a literal robot rehashing what has already been said, is that not everything needs to be transformed. In those cases, we give credit to the person who said the original words (in this case Keri Hulme), and the interviewer who facillitated the conversation (in this case Shelley Bridgeman). This case (again a best case scenario), takes the attention and byline away from the original interviewer and gives it to an AI.

The original publisher of this story is deinsentivised from paying interviewers in the future: The original publisher of this interview has ads on their website. As a person who also has ads on their website, taking an article like this and rephrasing it for no good reason (the orginal word count was not prohibitive and the rephrasing did not make it more readable), takes money from the publisher. It's pennies, but it's also removing numbers could have been used to justify further interviews with asexual people and archiving of asexual stories. The org that stole from this publication does not interview people themselves so the money and numbers that could have gone to continue to preserve asexual stories goes to stealing them instead.

These are just the active harms that I saw in this specific case. As you said, I am not an expert in generative AI, and will not be speaking as if I am. But I will say that asking me not to speak out on active harm that is being caused in queer history spaces, is disrespectful to my many years in this field.

To illustrate this even clearer: if you were a patron, you would know I recently took down an old article. I have been rereading and editing our backlist of articles, and I found one that no longer fit my standards of sourcing. My standards had recently raised due to a video made by HBomberguy about someone in the queer history space who was stealing from other creators. I watched this video not as a work project, but because I watch most of HBomberguys videos, and this one made me think more critically about sourcing. An AI can't do that. All an AI has is what has been inputted, and it is right now impossible to input every available peice of information about ethics into an AI and get a coherent ethical basis on which it will function.

It is a distinctly human trait to absorb information and change in that way. AI can rephrase information that already exists, steal it, recontextualize it even, but it cannot create something altogether new.

Do I believe that there one day might be an ethical use for Generative AI? Maybe. Do I believe that coming into a queer history space, stealing the words of a Maori asexual author, rephrasing them, and giving the original interviewer and publication no form of compensation for their work, is accomplishing that? No.

On a more personal note: I am coming at this issue with a bias. As a queer history creator, I do not want AI in my space, because it is literally damaging to my financial prospects. It has been like pulling teeth to try and get patrons in the current state of the global economy. I don't blame anyone from that, but I feel very disrespected that I am being asked to compete with a machine now. Not only that, but I am being asked to shut up and be fine with it? No, absolutely not. I cannot and will not stay quiet as space that I have fought tooth and nail to create in mainstream discussions is taken and given to AI.

AI was not supporting me when I was sent gore to try and scare me off of discussing queer history. A person did that. AI was not there to tell me I had written too many sad stories, and I needed some happy endings to remind myself of the good in the world. A person did that. AI was not there when I was being harrassed for supporting and including asexual stories on my website. A person did that.

And after all that, I am being asked to lie down and take it when my ability to pay the people who supported me in those ways, is being threatened. Nope. Not going to happen.

An AI doesn't have to make rent. An AI doesn't understand what it feels like to have to stop holding their wife's hand in public. An AI didn't get calls from people needing comfort in reaction to the election. Pay me for my work, and get this AI nonsense out of my face.

[syncaleb]

-> soft yandere caleb hcs:

1. “you’re mine. you said so.” you get busy—miss a call, forget a text—and when you finally answer, his voice is calm, too calm. “i waited. for hours.” you apologize, sweetly, teasingly even, but he doesn’t laugh. “you promised you’d always be there, remember? don’t break your promises. i… don’t handle that well.” and later, when he holds you close, you feel the way his hands tremble slightly against your waist like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go.

2. his name in your phone has a lock emoji. -> he changed it himself. he also disabled the option to delete his contact. “just in case someone thinks they can slide into your messages,” he said, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek, “they’ll know who you belong to.”

3. he tracks you. -> not in a creepy way (okay maybe a little), but he has your location always. and when he sees you’re somewhere unexpected, he texts immediately: “what are you doing there?” ……you ask how he knew. “because you’re mine pipsqueak, and i need to know you’re safe. that’s not too much to ask, is it?” and the look in his eyes? he’d burn the whole galaxy just to get you back home.

4. he doesn’t like you being friends with your ex-> at all. he doesn’t raise his voice. doesn’t tell you not to. he just shuts down emotionally, turns icy and unreadable. it’s bound with his actions though… he would probably still do everything acts of service wise. but he wants you to understand something is wrong, wants you to probe… and when you confront him, he finally murmurs, “i don’t want to be second choice to anyone. i want to be your only. and if that’s too much—” you cut him off with a kiss. you have to. because his voice was starting to sound a little unhinged and a little too honest.

5. he locks the door when you argue.-> not to trap you essentially (which he thinks he isn’t doing…) just to make sure you don’t leave. “we’re not going to sleep angry pips,” he says, softly. “you don’t walk away from me. not when we love each other this much baby.” and when you calm down, he pulls you into his lap, arms like iron around you, and whispers again and again, “mine. mine. mine.”

6. he doesn’t like you dressing up for anyone but him.-> you put on a new outfit, stunning, radiant—and his jaw clenches. why are you so breath-taking my gorgeous he thinks… no wonder he wants a world with just the two of you. “who’s that for?” / “me,” you say, innocent. but he steps closer, cups your jaw gently, possessively. “next time, wear it only when we’re alone. i don’t want anyone else seeing what’s mine. or~ you’d hate how i become and say something like i killed your old caleb.”

7. his anger is unpredictable.->when someone flirts with you in front of him, he doesn’t start a fight. but sometimes the look in his eyes speaks more than words ever could. maybe he will break their bones when you leave, maybe he will let it slide. who knows what caleb’s mood dictates him to do. sometimes, he just smiles. and later, when you’re home, he pins you softly to the bed, hands on either side of your head.“do you want them?” he asks, voice flat. “because i can make sure they never speak to you again.” and you— you tell him it’s just him. it’s always been him. like a prayer, like a chanting to balm his rage. and he finally kisses you like a starved man, whispering “good girl.”

8. he deletes numbers from your phone.->you’ll never notice. he’s too smooth. but people you used to talk to? stop replying. and when you ask caleb, he just shrugs with a soft smirk, “maybe they realized they could never compete with me.” and then changes the subject with a kiss and that dangerous look in his eyes again…. this isn’t out of sheer possessiveness though its just out of trust issues.

9. he doesn’t like letting you sleep mad at him.-> you try to turn away in bed, still upset. away from him… back on his face like an iron wall. but he slides his arms around you from behind, strong and unyielding.“no. you don’t get to walk away from me in your sleep, either.” and you can feel how serious he is. “we fix this now, angel. i’ll do anything. but you don’t leave.”

10. he has nightmares about losing you.-> he never tells you the full details either. just that he wakes up shaking, pale, and pulls you into his lap, holding you so tightly it almost hurts. “i saw you leaving me,” he whispers into your neck. “don’t ever do that. i wouldn’t survive it.”