#so it could go Really Well or i might have to retake the class. again

[sweet-as-kiwis]

International business is officially the Podcast Class

[lightlycareless]

Don't mind me, I'm just posting a little something that I had in mind, a continuation of Naoya's and Y/N's many HS adventures :) in other words, their first official Valentine's Day.

warnings: fluff. a tiny small hint of smut, implied by someone else. please read this part first followed by this other one to get the full picture!! and I guess this too.

Happy reading :)

Your first valentine’s day with Naoya—like, the actual one and not the fiasco that transpired last year—is one that has you very excited. And how couldn’t you?! Naoya had been very… enigmatic when preparing you for today.

“Clear out your schedule after school, princess. All the way down to the weekend.”

“Huh? Why?” you ask, feigning ignorance—as if you weren’t waiting for this exact moment since you started dating him. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

But you couldn’t wait! Not at all! In fact, such was your excitement that you could barely get any sleep— it was a miracle that you managed to get a few hours of rest before eagerly jumping out of bed, getting ready, and subsequently making your way to class while fervently imagining all the surprises Naoya had in store for you.

Well, whatever it was, there was no doubt in your mind that it would be much better than whatever your classmates discussed—glad that you no longer felt out of the conversation, not entirely that is, for you still had to figure out what your boyfriend was planning…

Thankfully, it wouldn’t take long for you to see the first details of his extensive itinerary, much to your eventual embarrassment.

It would begin with the so-called cupid’s mail service, a way for the student council to take advantage of help couples who wished to send gifts to their significant other’s while raising funds for whatever expenses they might have—such as graduation costs, school trips, so on and so forth.

Last year you were undoubtedly upset for not being sent anything throughout the day, so this time around, Naoya made it his personal mission to not let that happen again, under any circumstance!

And what extravagant way to assure so.

“Senseeeeei, can you give us a moment to deliver the mail?”

Teachers were no strangers to the excessive ways enamored students got to be when prompted—however, none of them had experienced a besotted Naoya, an heir with all possibilities within his grasp motivated to impress his beloved.

“Sure, go ahead.” The sensei responded, barely glancing at the mountain of gifts that made him assume they’d be here for a long time and returning to the blackboard; readying whatever subject followed to retake class once they were gone.

However, as soon as he began his attention would be forced back onto the students the moment they collectively gasped, realizing that the gifts didn’t pertain to various senders, no. Only one—and with a sole receiver too: you.

“All this for you, Y/N, how lucky!” Mei Mei says while placing down a large bouquet of red roses on your desk. “To think that last year you didn’t get a single thing until the very end… you truly are one fortunate girl.”

“Is this—is this really all for me?” You murmur, still in disbelief that Naoya had gone above and beyond with his gifts—but isn’t he always like this, though?

“Oh, this is just for the first class, your beloved boyfriend scheduled more for later.”

“Wh—what?” you breathe, turning even redder, comparable to the roses in front of you. Mei Mei chuckles at the curious sight. “M—more?”

“Don’t forget the note.” she says, plucking an envelope from the bouquet and handing it over to you. “Now, say cheese~”

“Huh, what now?” You stammer, then startled by the bright flash of her cellphone, recollecting the so-called proof Naoya demanded of the goods being delivered—he didn’t want to risk being played the same card he applied last year, this was only a necessary request.

“Well, my job here is done. Have a nice Valentine’s Day, Y/N; Naoya sure is expecting you to have one.”

…

…

…

“Need another desk?” The teacher would suggest after seeing you awkwardly trying to continue with your work through all the items cluttering your counter.

“…yes, please.”

And as Mei Mei promised, more gifts came soon after—from expensive boxes of chocolate from brands you’ve never even heard of in your life, to jewelry and other things you once mentioned wanting before: like a new case for your phone, a cute shirt you saw at the mall (with an additional gift card of a exuberant amount in it if you wished more) and of course, all the mochi you could eat.

Everyone around you wouldn’t take long to begin murmuring about your situation, commenting on how they never expected Naoya to be so passionate about his girlfriend—or anything that wasn’t berating others!

Yet, here he was, spoiling you with all things unimaginable, and that was barely to be the tip of the iceberg.

“Well, at least Naoya had the decency to help you move all these things to your dorm” Shoko commented as she watched the group of students Mei Mei ordered to relocate all of your gifts, work. “Don’t think you would’ve been able to do all that by yourself.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” you breathe, still embarrassed by all that transpired. Being the center of attention is something you never handled well, and more often than not, you tried to pass under the radar.

And yet, as much as you disliked it, it was impossible for you to not enjoy it this time around, for it came from something so sweet as your boyfriend wanting to show his ever-growing adoration for you.

“All this is so excessive, Y/N. I can’t help but wonder what you gave him to evoke all this?”

“I don’t recall anything in particular… I just gave him some chocolates I made.” You murmur, Shoko chuckles. “What?”

“It’s ok, no need to act coy with me. I just know you must’ve given it to him real good.”

“Oh. My. God. Shoko!” you gasp, eyes wide as your friend added onto your embarrassment. Just what you needed!

“Ugh, that is so gross.” Satoru would scowl; the only reason why he was around was to check if the rumors were true, see if Naoya had truly become even more unhinged in the name of love. “I would never do anything like that for a woman.”

“Mmm… maybe not for a woman; but what about a man?” Shoko teases, Gojo quickly becomes flustered, doing what many couldn’t: silence him. “That’s what I thought.”

“Whatever… at least I’m not the one being humiliated—look.” Satoru would then nudge to the person standing by the end of the hallway—a nervous Naoya waiting for you while holding another bouquet of flowers, this time purple roses accompanied by a small Gengar plush in the middle; a sight that has you freezing on the spot, overwhelmed by his seemingly endless gestures of appreciation and all those that were to come.

“We’ll leave you two alone.” Shoko says, grabbing Satoru by the arm and pulling him away. “Have fun!”

“Thanks, Shoko.” You murmur before shyly making your way towards your boyfriend, staring at him for a few seconds, finding the right words to say before settling for a simple greeting. “He—Hey, Naoya…”

“Hello, princess.” Naoya manages to say through the tightness of his throat, excited to see you after a long day of schoolwork, and worried that you might’ve not liked his gifts.

That, of course, is something that wouldn’t perturb him much longer after seeing the way you happily received the flowers from his grasp, a wider smile on your lips as you relished their smell and decoration.

“Did you like your gifts?” He asks, placing his arm around your waist and pulling you closer; your heart skips a beat as you lean into him.

“Ye—yeah… I liked all of them.” You admit with a nod. “They were… really nice. Thank you.”

“I wanted to make it up to you, for the shame I put you through last year.”

“Oh, Naoya—don’t say that.” You fret, wanting to leave that in the past. “It was nothing but a misunderstanding…”

“I still made you feel bad, and that is something I will never forgive myself for.”

“Well, if you must know… today succeed all Valentine’s days I’ve ever had.” You happily declare, much to Naoya’s unexpected concern.

“I fear I might’ve shoot myself on the foot, then.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve set the bar too high, I’m not sure if I’ll be capable of surprising you next year.”

“Just spending the day with you is enough for me.” You gently reassure, making Naoya’s heart melt.

“Then I think what I have planned next might be of your liking.”

“Wait, you have more?”

“I did ask you to clear out your schedule for the rest of the week, didn’t I?” Naoya teases,

“Yes…”

He then reaches for his pocket to take out a set of two tickets—the biggest surprise yet.

“I got us a reservation to visit that park you wanted to go to—Disneyland, I believe? From the accommodations to the transportation, I’ve taken care of everything, all my pretty princess needs to do is be ready by—wait, Y/N? Y/N!”

You don’t remember much after that, outside of an overwhelming shock and happiness that deafened and blinded your senses, leading you to assume that you simply… passed out.

[pensat-i-fet]

Wrong player, right time: Part 1 (Pablo Gavi, Pedri x Reader)

Part 2

**Hi! 😊 So...I was asked to write some sort of love triangle and while I liked the idea, I thought I could do something a bit different. Hopefully you like it. And because this ended up being so long, it’s divided in two. The next part will be posted tomorrow so not a lot of waiting 😉 Enjoy!! ❤️**

Word count: 5177

Masterlist

Wattpad

“I got a present for you”.

Your mum’s words made you look up. “Why?”

“For passing your exam. And it kind of is related to that”.

You frowned slightly, smiling at the same time. Last year, you decided to retake a few classes to get a higher grade and study the major you really wanted to study in university. It had been a crazy decision to many but you were sure of it and it paid off. You got the grade you needed and were accepted at the university in Barcelona.

“Ok, tell me!”

“You are going to Barcelona this weekend. I want you to be able to know the city better and to see the area where you’ll be living”.

“Mum! Oh my God!”

Getting up, you ran to hug your mum.

“And…I might have gotten a ticket for the football match too”.

“Stop! You’re the best! Thank you!”

“You’ve worked hard and deserve it. Once you start the uni year, there won’t be time for much fun”.

There was no time to waste. It was Wednesday and your flight was on Friday, so you needed to pack everything and start planning. You had been to Barcelona before but never for too long, so this was a great opportunity to familiarize yourself with the beautiful city.

The weather was supposed to be good, so you packed a lot of cute summery outfits. The sun didn’t bless you with its presence as often in your home city of Santander, so it was also something else you could enjoy during the weekend.

You barely got any sleep the night before your trip and after checking you had your boarding pass and your ID about seventy times, you made your way to the small airport.

The flight was quick and soon you found yourself on your way to the hotel you would stay at the next couple of days. You pretty much threw the suitcase on the floor and went out again to see the city.

And that was how you spent the Friday and Saturday in Barcelona, trying to see as much as you could and visiting the student residence where you were going to live once you moved there.

Sunday was going to be your last full day there but it was also the most exciting. Finally, you were going to visit the Camp Nou. Actually, you visited it as a kid but couldn’t remember being there. But now it was time to fully enjoy the experience.

The atmosphere was incredible. You usually went to watch matches when Racing de Santander played at home but your main team was Barça. And, funnily enough, a former Racing player was now playing for Barça. You had met him a few times but doubted he would remember you. Players met so many people every day.

“First time?”

“Pardon?”, you asked, turning to look at the man on the seat next to yours.

“You look like it’s your first time here. And like a kid in a toy store”.

“Yes”, you laughed. “I’ve been wanting to watch a match here my entire life”.

“Well, let’s hope it’s a good one”.

While it wasn’t the match of the century, it was quite entertaining. Barça went 2-0 up early and got to play a bit more relaxed after a couple of not-so-great results.

The second half meant a few players you didn’t get to see up close before were now playing near the area where you were sitting. One of those players was the famous Gavi. You couldn’t lie and pretend you weren’t one of those girls who thought he was really cute. But the one you liked the most, Pedri, was injured. So it was a bummer you didn’t get to see him play. Oh well, Gavi was a good substitute.

“Gavi! Look at all the space those defenders are leaving near the box. Use it!”

You didn’t even realise you were yelling. You never did. And it’s not as if the rest of the fans were quiet but Gavi was very close to your seat and heard your words.

“Ok, coach!”, he said, looking at you and smiling at your surprised face.

“I…”.

“You’re blushing”, laughed the man that had introduced himself as José. You had been chatting a bit during the match.

“I feel so silly. I never realise they can hear me. I’m too used to screaming at the tv”.

That only made him laugh more.

A couple of minutes later, the ball fell on Gavi’s feet again and the defenders left the same space you had warned him about before. And he took the chance to run to the box and give a pass to Lewandowski that gave Barça their third goal.

Everyone got up to cheer and when you finally sat down, you saw Gavi walking towards you, a big smile on his face.

“Thanks for the heads up!”

“Eh…you’re welcome?”

José’s laugh could probably be heard back at your parent’s house. God, you were so embarrassed.

The match ended with a 3-0 win for Barça and you couldn’t be happier with that result. It was the perfect ending to your weekend. But…there was more that was going to happen before you went back home.

“Someone wants to talk to you”, said José.

“Who?”

You looked at where he was pointing and saw Gavi walking towards you while taking his shirt off. He gestured for you to get closer so he could give you the shirt and you walked almost not believing what was happening.

“For me?”

“Yes. We wouldn’t have scored that third goal without your advice. I’ll tell Xavi that if he needs some help, I know the right person”.

You giggled, blushing. “I’m free for the next match if he needs me”.

“I would love to see you on the bench. You wouldn’t be as far from me then”.

Not knowing what to say, you extended your arm to get the shirt. And once you had it, Gavi left to join his teammates.

“He was flirting with you”, said Jóse, making you blush even more.

You put the shirt on your face, trying to hide. But it was too late. The cameras had seen it all.

                                   **

Gavi expected you to post something about getting his shirt on Instagram, so he kept checking the photos he was tagged in on social media…but nothing. You were nowhere to be found.

He was used to hearing things yelled at him at the matches. Often insults and usually it was men who did it. So when he heard your voice, it caught his attention a bit more. And what you said actually made sense. He had noticed what you pointed out and was thinking about telling his teammates to try and take advantage of that defensive weakness from the other team. But it was hearing you say it that made him do it before he even told the others. He wanted to impress you.

What he didn’t want was for the entire country to know about the interaction but he should have known better. All eyes were on him at matches and, of course, the cameras had picked up everything that happened.

“El día después”, a football programme that had been created before he was even born was very famous for their section “Lo que el ojo no ve” (What the eye doesn’t see). They usually caught funny moments of the matches and put them together in a video. People loved that. And this time, they found the best clips for it at the Barça match. They filmed all of your interactions with him and subtitled them.

Gavi was rewatching the video in the training ground with some of his teammates, and they all teased him when the guy who was next to you told you that Gavi had been flirting with you and you blushed and hid your face. He hadn’t seen that when it happened and it made him smile knowing you seemed to like him too. But still, no post on social media.

“She’s gorgeous”, said Pedri.

“I know”.

Gavi couldn’t stop smirking and daydreaming about you showing up at the next match.

“What are you all doing?”, asked the other Pablo, Torre, when he got to the dressing room.

“Watching a video of Gavi’s girlfriend”, said Ferrán.

“You have one? I didn’t know”.

“She’s not my girlfriend, Pablo. Don’t listen to them. But come watch the video”.

Gavi played the video again and when the camera showed you, Torre asked him to pause.

“I know her”.

“You do?”, Gavi couldn’t believe that. He might be able to find you after all.

“She’s from Santander, like me. I saw her at all the Racing matches”.

“Do you know her name?”

“No, but….”, he took his phone out and went on Instagram, “I took a lot of photos with her and she tagged me on Instagram when she posted them, so we should be able to find her”.

“I love you, Pablito”, said Gavi, kissing his teammate’s head.

“Save the kisses for her, bro”.

It took longer than they expected but there it was, a post you made on Torre’s final match for Racing. Gavi took a screenshot of it so he could send you a message later. But if you were from Santander…well, that complicated things a bit but it didn’t make anything impossible.

He spent some time looking at your posts and then had to go to training. There was time to keep stalking later. But when he finally got home and went to check your profile, it was private. That was odd.

                                  **

The last thing you expected after your trip to Barcelona was for a video of you to go viral. When you were sent the youtube clip, you couldn’t believe it. And the comments…they made you want to never check your social media again.

But then you noticed a lot of notifications on your Instagram. How on earth had Gavi’s fans found your profile? It was too much. So you privated your profile and removed all the new followers you got. You were just a normal girl and didn’t want to be involved in any drama.

Your mum found out what had happened and invited you to go out with her to stop overthinking. You turned the wifi and data off and forgot about all of it.

But then you got home and the wifi connected to your phone and one of the notifications caught your eye immediately. Why was Gavi sending you DM’s on Instagram?

[Pablogavi]: Hi! Sorry about all the drama that the video has caused. You ok?

How did he find your Instagram? But it was really nice to see he actually cared.

[You]: Hi! I’m alright, don’t worry. Thanks for asking.

[Pablogavi]: Let me know if you need me to say something on social media or whatever.

[You]: I will, thanks.

[You]: How did you find my Instagram?

[Pablogavi]: Torre recognised you on the video and helped me find you.

[Pablogavi]: Does it sound stalkerish? 😶

[You]: A bit 😂

[You]: But I’m glad you contacted me.

How had your life become so surreal so quickly? All because of a silly comment you couldn’t help but scream.

[Pablogavi]: Feel free to be the one who contacts me if you ever come back to Barcelona.

[You]: I’m moving there soon. For uni.

[Pablogavi]: Best news you could give me 😀

“Who are you talking to?”

Your mum’s voice startled you and made you almost drop the phone. “Nobody”.

“Right. Why were you blushing and smiling then?”

“Just watching some funny videos”.

You didn’t normally keep secrets from your parents but what were they going to think if, after what they saw on that video, you told them Gavi was flirting with you on Instagram?

So you didn’t tell them but kept on speaking with him. And you kept thinking about going to Barcelona before you had to move there…so you could see him. You had seen some comments online about how you had made your account private right before he started to follow you and that worried you. As exciting as talking to a cute football player was, you didn’t want people harassing you because of it. And now it seemed like so many people had already decided you were his girlfriend.

“Will it be ok for me to go to Barcelona this weekend?”, you asked in the middle of dinner three weeks after your previous trip.

“What for?”, asked your dad. “Do you need to do any uni stuff there? I thought you could do it all online”.

“Yes, it’s not uni related. I just wanted to go again and…meet some friends and stuff”.

“You have friends in Barcelona? Since when?”

Your mum was suspicious and for a reason. The way your face got all red while you were lying to them didn’t help.

“Honey, we might not use social media but we aren’t dumb. And when people talk about your daughter, you listen. Is it Gavi that’s invited you to go see him?”

“Yes, but it’s not what you think”, you rushed to say.

“We weren’t born yesterday. Of course it is what we think it is. But…you aren’t a kid anymore. We can’t forbid you from going and you’ll move there soon anyway. But please be careful”.

“I always am”.

“We know”, said your mum, holding your hand. “You are smart and we trust you. Do we trust a football player’s intentions?”

“We don’t”, answered your dad.

“Keep trusting me, then”.

                                    **

“Someone’s happy…and in a hurry”, said Pedri, sitting down next to an already dressed Gavi. “I’ve never seen you get ready so fast”.

“I’ve got plans”, smiled his friend.

“I can guess which type of plans”.

“My Santander girl is coming to Barcelona again”.

“I still think she’s too pretty for you”.

“Don’t be jealous, Pepi. She’s an only child but we might find a pretty cousin for you or something”.

“Is she staying with you?”

“No, she’s staying at a hotel but we have a couple of dates planned. And she might change her mind about where she stays after that”.

“Or she might run back to Santander after talking to you for more than 10 minutes”.

Gavi laughed and left the training centre to go find you. The taxi was waiting for him already.

Once at the train station, he tried not to be recognized but it was always a lost battle. It was while taking some photos with a kid that he saw you.

“Sorry guys, I have to go”.

You were looking around and smiled when you finally saw him.

“Hi”, you said, hugging him. “So good to finally see you in person”.

“Yeah, same. Should I take you to the hotel so you can leave your suitcase? Then we can go grab some food”.

“Sounds good”.

You did just that and soon found yourself walking around Barcelona, on your way to a restaurant that was great, according to Gavi. Well, at least you were learning about where to eat for when you moved there.

The food was great. The rest of the date…it wasn’t his fault. Or yours. But there was no spark. The excitement you had felt while you texted was gone. And he was feeling the same way. Well, that was disappointing.

Gavi had planned on trying to ask you to go to his place after dinner but what was the point? He wouldn’t be surprised if you actually ran away home like Pedri had said.

And when you got to the hotel, you buried your head in the pillow, feeling so stupid about how wrong it all went.

                                  **

“Someone isn’t looking so happy today”.

“Stop”, said Gavi, putting his hands on his face.

“What happened?”

“The date was a disaster, Pedri. A disaster!”

“What did you do?”

“Why does it have to be me?”

“You’re more likely to mess up”, he shrugged.

“It’s just…there was no connection. And it’s not as if she isn’t an interesting person”.

"Or gorgeous”.

“Yeah, that too. But we just felt so uncomfortable in each other’s company. It was so weird”.

“Are you seeing her today? Maybe things change”.

“Well, I have to see her. She is here because of me, I can’t just leave her alone. But…could you maybe come with us?”

“I don’t want to third wheel”.

“It wouldn’t be that. Just, I don’t know, maybe having someone else there helps”.

Pedri didn’t want to tell his friend but the only reason why he accepted was a very selfish one. He wanted to meet you. Every time Gavi mentioned you or showed the boys a photo of you, he cursed his back luck. Maybe if he hadn’t been injured, it would have been him who talked to you at the match.

You were waiting for your “date” to arrive, checking your phone nervously. Maybe the second date would be better than the first. There was some hope.

But then you saw he wasn’t alone and that confirmed he had a terrible time with you too. You tried to see who it was he was with and then realised it was Pedri. The player you actually had a crush on.

“Hi. Do you mind if Pedri comes with us today?”

“No, not all. Hi!”

You tried not to be too obvious but could tell Gavi was looking at you funny. And when Pedri smiled at you, you just knew you were blushing.

“Nice to finally meet you”.

“Nice to meet you too”.

Soon, it was Gavi that felt like he was third wheeling but he didn’t really mind. It wasn’t as if his friend was trying to steal a girl he had a chance with from him. It was clear you two were not meant for each other, but maybe Pedri could be a bit luckier.

“Sometimes I feel like I just signed for Barça because of the beach. I wouldn’t be able to live in Madrid or somewhere without a beach”.

“Same”, you laughed. “I can’t wait to visit all the beaches here. It’s going to make me feel less homesick”.

“Pedri can show you his favourite one”, said Gavi, making you both look at him. Had you forgotten he was there? Kinda.

“That’d be nice”, you said.

“The one near his house is really pretty. Why don’t you go today? The weather is great”.

Pedri looked at his friend, a bit confused. But when he saw the way he raised his eyebrows, he got it.

You quickly finished your dinner and made your way to Pedri’s house, where he parked his car so you could then walk to the beach.

“Sorry about today”.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Well, Gavi sent you to babysit me and you probably had other plans. It’s just…I guess he could tell it wasn’t working between us or whatever. You didn’t have to look after me. It’s fine”.

“I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do”.

You looked down, biting your lip. And feeling all the butterflies you expected to feel with Gavi but that never showed up.

The silence that accompanied you while you walked on the beach wasn’t a bad one. It was nice.

“I like to sit there and just look around. It sounds a bit boring, I know”.

“We could do that”, you said quickly, not finding the idea boring at all.

“Come, I’ll let you sit on the comfiest stone”.

That made you laugh.

“It’s a shame you and Gavi didn’t work. He was very excited about seeing you”.

“Yeah. I guess it happens”.

“You could still be friends when you move here, though. He’s a good guy, he’ll be happy to help you with whatever you need”.

“Can I ask for your help too?”

“Of course”.

Sitting there with him was making you feel a bit more bold. Having a crush on someone you didn’t know personally could lead to disappointment when you got to spend some time with that person. But with Pedri…it was the complete opposite.

“You know. I had a crush on a Barça player but it wasn’t Gavi”.

Pedri looked at you after that comment, frowning.

“Torre?”

“What? No, why would you…”.

“Well, he’s the one who recognized you. And he mentioned you asked him for photos a lot. I just guessed”.

“Do you want to guess again?”

“Can I get a little hint? Blonde or brunette? Spaniard or from another country?”

“I’ll give you the best hint. No way you don’t guess right after that”.

He turned to look at you when you didn’t continue talking and you leaned to kiss him. You could tell he was surprised at first, but he responded to the kiss quickly.

“Can you guess now?”

“I might need another one of those hints…”.

You laughed, moving to kiss him again. Yeah, he didn’t disappoint.

"Does this count as stealing my friend's girl?"

"I don't think so".

"Good".

                                  **

Your final day in Barcelona was spent with Pedri and it was perfect. You kept making promises to each other but you weren’t stupid. The summer holidays were coming and you wouldn’t be with him. So you decided to not try and date until you moved to Barcelona in August. Mostly to save yourself the heartbreak if you opened Instagram one day to see him with another girl while on holiday.

Your parents didn’t buy that nothing had happened with Gavi when they saw the way you looked when you got back home. And after some pestering, you told them what really happened.

The holidays were pretty uneventful for you. And by the time they were almost over, you just spent your days packing your things and getting ready for the big move.

[Pedri ❤️]: will you be in Santander next week?

What an odd message. You had been texting non-stop but you didn’t expect that question now.

[You]: yes, why?

[Pedri ❤️]: I’m coming to see you 😉

He what?

[You]: you don’t have to. We’ll see each other in Barcelona soon.

[Pedri ❤️]: I want to see you. Is that ok?

[You]: of course. I just didn’t expect you to come to see me here.

[Pedri ❤️]: I’ve been dying to see you since the day you left.

And you had been dying to see him since that very same day too. So you planned his little trip, still not believing this was happening.

“Hey!”, you waved at him at the airport, feeling overwhelmed by his presence.

“Don’t go all shy on me now, mi amor”, he said, hugging you and not caring about the looks you were getting from people. “Missed me?”

“Maybe a little”.

“Liar”.

More people started to look at you, recognising Pedri. So you took him to your car to drive him to his hotel.

"My parents want to meet you", you blurted out, afraid of scaring him.

"Ok".

"You're ok with it? I mean, we aren't even dating officially but…you know, they just want to take the opportunity of having you here to talk".

"Yes, it makes sense. And you keep saying we are not dating but that's not how I see it".

You looked at him quickly before looking at the road again. "How do you see it?"

"To me, we started dating the day we met. We are just waiting until we live in the same city to see each other often and I guess do more couple stuff".

"So should I introduce you to my parents as my boyfriend?"

"It'll probably be nicer for them to hear that than calling me the guy you hooked up with once because you actually didn't like my friend".

The laugh that came out of you scared you and you gripped the steering wheel tighter while trying not to laugh more.

But on that first day, you didn't see your parents. You spent the whole day with your boyfriend and if that was an indication of how life was going to be in Barcelona, you couldn't move there fast enough.

Pedri charmed your parents too when he met them and you could tell they were a bit less worried about letting their daughter hang out with a football player.

"I'll see you in…10 days", you told Pedri when you took him to the airport. He started preseason the next day.

"10 loooong days. I might not survive".

"You'll be fine", you hugged him tightly, not ready to let go. "I'm the one who will struggle".

"We facetime every day, ok? I need to see your pretty face".

You nodded, kissing him before walking to the security area with him.

"See you soon".

                                  **

Your dad was helping you take the last box from the car to your room when you heard screaming in the hallway. Was this going to be a daily occurrence?

"It's Pedri! And Gavi!"

"Oh no…".

You got out of the room and saw your boyfriend walking towards your room. He had promised to help with the moving but ended up having to stay longer for training. But there he was, and Gavi was there too, making every girl in the building go insane.

"What are you doing here?"

Your dad told them to get inside the room and closed the door, so people wouldn't see you.

"No kiss?", he asked and then looked at your dad. "Sorry?"

But your dad just shook his head and Pedri gave you a quick kiss and hugged you.

"Did you bring Gavi here to see if I had changed my mind about who I liked?"

"So funny".

"I was brought here for my muscles", said Gavi, flexing said muscles.

"You are here because I have to drive you around and I didn't want to waste more time going all the way to your house".

"I can help anyway".

When everything was in place, you decided to leave. Your dad wanted to take you to dinner before leaving. And now both Pedri and Gavi were invited to that dinner.

On the way out, you tried to keep your distance from your boyfriend, not wanting to create rumours on your first day there. But the problem was that it was Gavi who walked by your side and that didn't create a rumour. It only made the one that already existed bigger.

Some of the girls took photos of you two walking together and laughing and posted them on Instagram.

"Ok then. You can't visit me if this is what's going to happen".

"You ok?"

You nodded, not feeling sure about being ok. You were dating one person while everyone seemed to think you were dating his best friend. It was…weird.

And it wasn't the last time something like that happened. You started to go to every Barça match at home, wearing your Barça shirt but not showing the back. So, of course, everyone assumed you were wearing Gavi's.

It got to the point where you didn't want to post about the matches. Your account was private but someone was clearly posting your photos with other accounts and you didn't know who it could be. So no posting was the solution. Every time you posted with Pedri, it was stories for your close friends. And those were never leaked, thankfully.

                                  **

"What happened?", you asked one of the girls that lived with you when you got there and saw all the people on your floor.

"A pipe burst and we have no water. And the water messed something up and half of us have no electricity".

"Huh…we can't stay here, then".

"Where are we supposed to go?", she asked. "Not all of us can go to our rich boyfriend's mansion like you will".

"Whatever", you rolled your eyes and went to your room to pick up some clothes and your books.

"Say hi to Gavi from me!"

You were still shaking your head when you closed your door.

"Hi! You're on speaker. I'm driving to the stadium".

"Sorry. I've got no water or electricity at my place. Can I stay with you until it's back?"

"Of course", said Pedri, not doubting his answer for a second, which made you smile. "And for the record, it wasn't me who did whatever it's that happened just so you stay with me".

"Don't believe him".

"Hi, Pablito! And don't worry, I don't believe him. I'll see you after the match, ok?"

"Looking forward to it".

"Good luck boys!"

                                    **

After the match, you waited for the boys near Pedri's car. They didn't take long to get there and you hugged both of them to congratulate them for the win. But your boyfriend got a longer hug.

"Sit behind him", said Pedri when you walked to sit behind the driver's seat, his seat.

"Why?"

"So I can see you while I drive".

"Oh my God", Gavi was rolling his eyes and Pedri glared at him.

But you did as he said and he started to drive. You could also see him better like this so you weren't going to complain.

When you were getting out of the stadium, you saw all the fans waiting. You put your hood on and tried to hide from all of them but they were surrounding the car.

Looking up from your phone for two seconds, you saw all the people trying to get a good look at you.

"It's her", you heard them say, "the girl Gavi is dating".

"See? I told you they were together".

You saw Pedri's jaw clenching and Gavi told him to drive so they wouldn't make you uncomfortable. He turned to see if you were ok and dozens of phones were out to film the interaction.

"Oh my God, he's so sweet looking after her", was the last thing you heard before Pedri drove past all the fans.

"Sorry about that", said Gavi.

"It's ok".

But you knew it wasn't ok. Because your boyfriend didn't say a word the whole drive to Gavi's and barely acknowledged him when he said goodbye.

You quickly moved to the passenger's seat and tried to get his attention but he wasn't in the mood.

"Are you ok?", you asked him when you got home.

"No, I'm really tired. Tired of everyone thinking my girlfriend is dating my friend".

"Who cares what they think? It's just because of that video. But you know the truth. We know the truth".

"What truth?", he said, raiding his voice. You had never heard him speak like that.

"What do you mean?"

"The truth about how you two spent weeks flirting and then you came here to be with him?"

"Are you for real?", you couldn't believe him. "You know how that ended. Why are you bringing that up now? I'm here with you, am l not?"

"Maybe you should just go with him. Everyone seems to think that".

"I don't think that".

But no matter what you said, he wouldn't look at you. It was breaking your heart. So you left…and there was only one place you could go to.

[punkalope]

One thing I don't see talked about often irt neurodivergency is like... Well, I see people talk about being left behind in terms of ADHD & Autism, & maybe I'm just not in the right circles, but I don't see much talk about it with undiagnosed learning disabilities

I'm very dyscalculic. Horribly so. I cannot do basic math for the life of me, I'm constantly tripped up by patterns, I can't tell left from right unless I have sticky notes in my vision to tell me because even doing the L finger thing gets me confused, I can't imagine how big things are or how they work in 3D etc etc... The whole package, except for maybe I have a pretty ok sense of direction at least. (As long as it doesn't follow a strict pattern...)

But growing up, no one ever believed me. I learned the word dyscalculia at 13, I tried to talk to adults about it, and no one believed me. They thought I was just lazy, trying to find an easy excuse, I was bad at math "on purpose". It got to a point where I became terrified of math classes or encountering it in daily life, I'd avoid it whenever I could. No one ever seemed patient enough to "deal with" me, and unfortunately I didn't have teachers who were kind, they'd let me get bullied and called the R word daily because they agreed I was a lost cause.

& having no one believe you makes you not wanna try anymore, but by the time I got to high school it was only becoming a worse and worse issue. Not only was I bad at math, but I was unlucky enough that my whole freshman year we went without a teacher because they all kept quitting. I was now extra behind.

Stories aside though. When you grow up with no one wanting to help you, no one believing you when you try to explain why, and the looming threat of being held back you kinda just... learn to get around it. You figure out how to navigate.

You learn to become really damn good at cheating.

Fake it till you make it, right? That's kinda how I ended up getting through my last few years of high school. There was no way I was going to pass on my own anymore, no one wanted or had time to help me, I kinda had no other choice. I cheated through all my homework, all my classwork. I never really could do most classwork anyways - it almost always brought me to tears with frustration, and I'd end up taking it home and looking up all the answers instead.

That's not to say I wasn't trying still. If I could learn how an answer was achieved while looking it up I would reverse engineer it. Often times when "show your work" was required this is what'd I'd do - I'd do it backwards. And on the rare moments I couldn't "just cheat", & I was allowed to do things my way (because the american education system sucks ass and teaches you how to test and memorize techniques, but the "proper way" to do things wasn't something I ever understood), I could actually do pretty okay. Give me a calculator and let me use colour pencils and don't time me and I might get pretty close or figure out some really ridiculous way to do algebra.

But that being said, being left behind by adults forces you to be real damn good at lying. & it fucking sucks, cause you don't really learn much and it WILL bite you in the ass - like, I'm 24, I never got a diagnosis, I have no idea how to approach math at a college level and how to get help when I have no insurance. & it sucks, cause I need to retake a lot to do a lot for college, and I don't have the money to try again if I were to fail. I get extremely nervous or embarrassed when math comes up around other people, and while my friends are patient and kind its a big trigger for me to mess up in front of others still, so I just avoid it as often as possible. Its worse now that I have chronic brain fog / long covid issues!

It just sucks all around, and I hope others with learning disabilities aren't alone. Being neurodivergent often means the adults in your life are going to fail you, and you'll learn weird ways to get around. That's okay. I dunno the solutions, but you'll be ok.

[toujokaname]

Get Along / Episode 7

Author: Kino Seitaro with Akira

Characters: Tatsumi, Kanata, Hiyori, Hokuto, Arashi

"(With this, my wish, too, will surely—)"

← Previous ✧ Directory ✧ Next →

Location: Vocal Practice Room

Season: Winter

Time: Some time after lunch.

Tatsumi: Now, let's read through the next scene together.

It takes place in spring break after the graduation ceremony—This is the scene in which the boy played by Hiyori-san fails to come to his graduation, and the four worried members of the group barge in on him.

Everyone, open your scripts to page 3, if you would? Kanata-san, please start with the part of the script that begins with "Then..."

Kanata: Yes~ Roger that.

Okay, here I go~

"Then, why did you try to leave so "selfishly"?"

"The last "spring break", we'll spend it together... Didn't we make that "promise"?"

Hiyori: "I really wanted to do that, too. But I was afraid that if we spent time together, I wouldn't be able to part ways. I couldn't bring myself to say it..."

Hokuto: "Is that why you've been avoiding us?"

Hiyori: "...Yeah."

Hokuto: "Fufu. Then, let's make you feel relieved about parting ways."

Hiyori: "Eh...?"

Tatsumi: "Spend an excessive amount of time together so that you won't regret it... Is that it? We might as well try everything."

Hiyori: "B-But... is that okay?"

Arashi: "So reserved. We're best friends, aren't we?"

Hiyori: "To be together, excessively—"

Tatsumi: ...Alright. Let's stop reading at this part and exchange our opinions.

Could each of you say what you liked and what you didn't like?

I'll set an example first—I suppose my first thought was that Kanata-san's reading wasn't quite right.

Kanata: Is that so... "Acting" is difficult.

Umm. How can I make it good?

Tatsumi: Ahh, no. It's not that it was bad. You were able to give a realistic performance.

But I was just left wondering. I got the impression that Kanata-san's reading was somewhat stiff.

I thought your personality would be further emphasized if you read it as if you were talking to someone close to you, such as a friend who knows you well.

Hiyori: I share the same opinion! We've spent three years of high school together... I think it's better to have an atmosphere appropriate for a heart-to-heart!

Kanata: A heart-to-heart... I see, I will try to read it a little bit more "candidly". Like I usually speak when I talk to Rei or Wataru.

Hokuto: Well, I'd also like to share my opinion... Tomoe-senpai, unlike your usual character, you're supposed to be playing a cowardly role.

But despite that, he comes across as very firm and brave.

Hiyori: Hmm, hmm. Very informative, I'll make a note of it.

Tatsumi: Oh my. Hiyori-san's script is filled with detailed notes. You must have been very conscious of the intonation of the lines and the pauses in your performance.

Hiyori: Of course. I always want to be perfect!

Acting is not as easy as you might expect—you can't keep retaking scenes on the spot.

So as much as possible, I'll try to find the best way to do so now.

Arashi: As expected from a member of Eden, which boasts of its top-class abilities. You really inspire me too ♪

Well, I'll give my opinion to Hokuto-chan.

The way you said "feel relieved"... It sounded a little too theatrical, so maybe a more natural way would be better.

Hokuto: More natural...?

Arashi: Yup. You sounded like a stage actor. This time, the microphone will pick up your voice, so why don't you turn down the volume?

Hokuto: I see. Looks like I've just fallen into my usual habits.

Since I usually perform on stage, I may have become accustomed to a vocal technique that transmits my voice to a distant audience.

Thank you. I'll keep that in mind next time I read.

Kanata: Fufu. Hokuto and I, let's do our best to be "natural"...♪

Tatsumi: Now that we have all the opinions, let's read the section on page 3 again. Kanata-san, if you don't mind?

Kanata: Yes. I'll try to be "candid" ♪

Hiyori: "To be together, excessively—"

Hokuto: Huh. I think everyone's performances were delivered in a pleasing way.

Tatsumi: Indeed. I thought that everyone's ability to correct their mistakes was excellent. As expected of the up-and-coming idols of each agency—their past work experience must have been put to good use.

Arashi: Hokuto-chan in particular's a great actor. He's been teaching us, who aren't used to this kind of performance, every detail of acting ♪

Hokuto: No, I just did what was expected of me.

The vocalization techniques, the facial expressions, the gestures... I've been learning those from Hibiki-senpai, and I thought I should share my knowledge with you.

Tatsumi: Fufu. When it comes to acting, Hokuto-san is the best.

Since the problem was first pointed out to you, you've been able to perform without any difficulty. You've been a role model for us in terms of acting and guidance.

Do you all have any other comments? If not, I'd like to move on to the next scene.

Hiyori: I have nothing in particular to say! I'd like to repeat it a few times so that I can always get this feeling right.

Kanata: Yes~ This "scene" is okay.

I'm still a "novice" at acting. But with everyone's help, I will become a "great actor"...♪

Tatsumi: Yes. I hope we can keep this up and improve right up until the last page.

Let's go to page 4. Are you ready?

Hiyori: (...Yup. I'm glad everyone's being so positive about facing the Shuffle Project.)

(With this, my wish, too, will surely—)

← Previous ✧ Directory ✧ Next →

[sporesgalaxy]

hii there!! i hope u dont mind me asking but like. okay im also really really looking to go into biology- mainly because i love the study of life/organisms so much, and ultimately i'd love to become a paleontologist... however, looking at most of the tracks in colleges (which i've already signed up for), a lot of math and chemistry are involved. i Really struggle with these subjects so i want to ask, if you happen to have any knowledge- are these really intense or as daunting as they seem? i dont see myself doing any sort of job that involves like.. complex algebra equations (im aware things like statistics are important), but i know i've got to get through some of these to do what i want in life. ty if you have any info and ive loooved ur recent bio posts im eating them like an anteater

Well! Unfortunately, I don't have an easy answer for you. It really depends on the teacher you get, how the cirriculum is covered, and why you struggled with these subjects.

It might be a good idea to check out the ratemyprofessor entries for the prof.s teaching these subjects at the school(s) you're looking at, to try and get an idea if they're teavhing style could work for you.

I'll tell you what my experience was like as someone who struggled with those subjects too, and hopefully it will give you a better idea of what to expect.

I struggled with math throughout elementary, middle, and high school because of undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety. I often found myself thinking that I'd be doing better if I didn't have to do so manh repetetive problems.

I found my college math classes to be much more manageable by comparison. My professors tended to assign fewer repetetive questions, and there was more variety in the way concepts were applied, which kept me engaged with the work so I wasn't constantly losing my train of thought. But there are a lot of other professors in the world, so that may not be the case everywhere.

Another game changer for me was that many college math professors OFFER PARTIAL CREDIT. If I set everything up properly but pressed the wrong button on my calculator, many professors I had would consider my answer MOSTLY correct.

ALSO: All the math classes I had to take allowed (specific types of) calculators on the exams. I suck ass at basic multiplication but I can set up a hugeass equation like a CHAMP so that was a HUGE help for me.

A lot of math in biology is used for statistics and for determining how things are changing when you study them. I generally found the math needed for biology (and physics) easier to understand than more abstract algebraic equations because I could apply it to real-world situations and intuit approximately what would happen from my own experience. i.e. an exponentially increasing population... the curve looks the way it does on a graph because there are more reproductive individuals reproducing each generation, so the line will go up by a greater amount eith each unit of time that passes. Sorry I couldn't think of a clearer example.

I only took one chemistry class in high school, which I struggled in, and I unfortunately continued to struggle in college. I'm still not entirely sure what didn't click with me, to be honest. It just felt like I could never quite grasp all the factors and rules in my mind at once. It may have been anxiety, which I could only have solved by medicating myself sooner or exposure therapy via a lot more studying (didn't happen because I tend to avoid my stressors compulsively).

I had to retake all but one chemistry class that was required for my degree. I was never quite sure if the professors for summer chem classes just clicked with me more, or if going over the material a second time was what I needed. Once again though, you may be able to recieve partial credit in chem classes. In my experience, chemistry classes were more test-focused than homework-focused, and I often found myself wishing I had more homework to practice on, so finding additional study resources may be your best bet. I used Chemistry Libretexts a lot...

BUT ON THE FLIPSIDE: I had to retake, like, 3 different chemistry classes. I STILL GOT MY DEGREE THOUGH! I sucked a bit but I survived it! Keeping high grades in your electives can help keep your gpa where the college requires it to be for you to graduate.

[beyejun]

hi everyone this is laur (except im changing my alias to august) and i figured i'd do all of my muse announcements in one lil post <3

first of all, you might have noticed that i've k*lled alex. it wasn't a lack of muse so much as i felt that he didn't suit wannabe's premise as much as i'd hoped he'd evolve into. even after his closest friends were getting signed, he had no interest in being an idol so it was kinda a lost cause there... plus, i had wanted to bring yejun back since i dropped him about a year ago, and didn't want to break any rules, so... here we are now!

if u remember yejun you might also remember that i dropped him almost exactly a year ago bc of my terrible seasonal depression. well, i am happy to report that i am doing much better (so far) this year and regularly taking vitamin d makes a huge difference! so now the boy is here to stay.

very little changed about him, but i'll still do a quick recap under the cut!

a lot of this is copied-pasted from my last intro post on yejun... work smarter not harder aksjdhfas

tl;dr of any changes

i changed his history a bit so the last year+ was spent doing his military service; he's only recently returned in time to return to his studies this fall semester.

he's in @bejoomi's band! drummer (which is also a new skill).

tl;dr of his backstory

knew he wanted to pursue music professionally basically since middle school, however his parents are extremely opposed to the idea and would rather see him do something more “respectable” (aka something that he’ll actually make money at lol)

saved up his allowance to buy his own guitar and taught himself to play with the help of youtube because his parents said that if they were going to pay for instrument lessons, he’d have to learn violin or piano or something more “formal”… so as u can see as a child he was (respectfully) defiant and did his own thing anyway (also learned the drums somehow in this time)

he made a deal w his parents that if he could get scouted by an entertainment company by the time he graduated high school, he could pursue music. obviously, he is not a trainee or an idol, so that failed. so his end of the bargain was that he’d go to university for whatever they wanted instead.

he had to retake the exam once bc the first time he took it his scores were so bad so he started a year late and is currently in his sophomore year as an economics major. it’s still a mild disappointment to his parents since he has a brother who is a lawyer and the other is in med school, but it was the best program that yejun could get into.

needless to say. he hates economics. he’s doing his best but his motivation is at an all time low, he constantly feels burned out and tired, and honestly he’s probably depressed but he doesn’t know it bc he doesn’t think he’s “bad enough” to be “actually depressed” but he is just gaslighting himself honestly

interests and personality quirks

since starting economics school he’s slowly lost motivation to do anything that he used to do for fun, which unfortunately includes playing guitar. he hasn’t touched it in about a year… :( he is playing drums again tho

does the bedtime revenge thing where he stays up late when he really shouldn’t… he says it’s bc he doesn’t want to wake up and have to go to class

because he doesn’t sleep much at night he survives on a delicate balance between a caffeine addiction (he loves a good iced americano) and mid-day depression naps.

kinda hard to get him out and about these days… but that said he’s into video games, mostly team-based first person shooters, and is apparently a tank main. i don’t actually play any first person shooters so i have no idea of the details on this but he’s supposedly a decent player (nowhere near pro but able to be somewhat competitive in casual games)… when he’s staying up all night he’s probably playing games with his friends

also plays minecraft when he wants something slower paced… not particularly good at anything in it but he likes building his silly little house

oh by the way! he has an aunt who lives near his parents who visited often… she’d often make remarks about his chubby cheeks, call him fat and ugly, and after growing up hearing that constantly yejun honestly believes her

another fun (and by fun i mean decidedly unfun) tidbit is that he had a gf he was very serious about in his freshman yr of uni… it was a relatively short relationship but he genuinely thought he’d marry her. until she gave him chlamydia right after he came home from the military (he was going to propose too btw). turns out she was cheating! needless to say they broke up, yejun is now healthy after a round of antibiotics, and he doesn’t want to talk about her ever again. he tried a rebound or two to see if they’d cheer him up but they honestly made him feel worse so he ditched that idea pretty quickly… happy to stay single for now (supposedly)

plots & relationships

this boy… needs some friends in his life that’ll deal with his depressive tendencies and maybe push him out of his comfort zone. maybe a friend who keeps trying to set him up w other girls to help him find someone who actually makes him forget about his ex? or a friend who invites him out for coffee at least once a week just to make sure he gets out of the house for something other than classes sometimes… other cute ideas too pls i would like to put so much love into his life he has no choice but to get better

classmates too ofc… i dont expect anyone else to be an economics major but maybe they had some gen eds together? or were in the same freshman orientation and stayed in touch? i didn’t specify where he’s going but it’s not an arts school, so this is open for plotting out the details!

along w classmates… study buddies? they dont have to go to the same school or anything tbh they can just meet up at the same libraries, cafes, etc. and work on their own stuff… just having someone else around helps keep yejun on track a little bit better

high school friends too… he went to sopa thanks to the deal w his parents, so anyone he was close with then would’ve probably known about it and known what became of it… he’s a lot quieter and more subdued than he used to be so i wonder what your muse would think about that 🤔

i also do love some good antagonistic plots so maybe some old rivals who are happy to kick him while he’s down… alternatively rivals who miss his competition and want him back in the music/idol wannabe scene to help push them both

considered the idea of him having been in a band in high school with friends that’s since dissolved… so ex-bandmates might be cool

he's in dead calm but there's no rules that say he can't also play in another band as well! maybe someone should convince him to pick up the guitar again

[followmythoughts]

a gun 12/9/23

This might seem really depressive and not-me(?) but these are somewhat my real thoughts, just turned it a bit more literature(y) for the sake of this.

It’s almost Christmas. I don’t have the motivation to pour out all my thoughts, let alone write it all but I will try to; because tomorrow, I will probably forget all about this.

It’s Christmas season, it’s where the air starts to get a little bit cold and you have to double your blankets, it’s the season where families from all over the world come rejoice and celebrate the holiday. It’s Christmas, and one thing you associate with Christmas is gifts. I am not gonna lie — I am privileged. Privileged enough to ask for money whenever I want and eat properly everyday. Privileged enough to be given money, clothes and etcetera on Christmas. I am thankful, really, yet sometimes I think that it could’ve been better if they had asked me what I wanted for Christmas so I’d really get what I want. But I backtrack: because I am already blessed with gifts that some people don’t and simply do not have the privilege to have. But not for that only reason, I backtrack because what in the world would be their reaction be if I said I wanted to get a gun?

What would the looks on their face be? Horrified? Terror? Dismay? I’m unable to imagine how their facial expressions would appear in such a situation.

But please, don’t be alarmed. I don’t want a gun for reasons such as wanting to off someone or wreak havoc in this peaceful city. No, it’s simply for me. I’ve always wanted a gun ever since December 2020. That’s where my depressive season started. Dec 2020 until June 2022, I was miserable. Until now, I still am but it’s not as harsh as the past years. It’s coming back though. The depressive state is coming back.

Because of this state, I’ve always wanted a firearm. I hoped for one back then. I cried and cried, wishing that it would just magically appear under my pillow.

The reason is simply and well: you might’ve already figured it out.

Simply because if things felt like hell on earth (again) I can simply grab the gun and off myself. It is a cowardly move, because in an outsiders point of view they would think that, yeah - shouldn’t you, shouldn’t I stay positive? It’s honestly easy for you to say because you were not in my position. There was nothing worse than bawling my eyes every night and pretending stuff was okay in daylight. Pretending I was okay and not rotting inside, faking an appetite and didn’t even bother taking care of myself properly. Mentally and physically. It truly felt like hell on earth because I can still vividly remember sobbing in front of my grandmother — the person who raised me — babbling on how I was so sorry that my family had me and how I truly am sorry for all the inconveniences I have done to their life. I still feel like that sometimes. Deep down, I still do. It was fucking hell because I kept apologizing repeatedly everyday and no one knew a single thing about how I felt. I hugged a blanket tied into a knot, ready to hang but I was a coward, and all I could do was cry.

I had no one for me, not even friends. I was in a private school, and it was expensive. Yet, I stopped attending the online classes. It was my 6th grade classes. The year where I should’ve graduated properly. But I didn’t. My parents wanted me to go to high school so bad but I couldn’t because I had no grades. The school suggested to let us pay 20k for graduation or go back and retake 6th grade.

I wanted to fucking kill myself.

It was already so bad but that was the fucking catalyst. I don’t know where all this sudden depression started, it just creeped on me. Maybe if my cousin hadn’t assaulted me back then, I wouldn’t have grown so early: I wouldn’t have grown up so early, and at such a young age I already had a matured mind. It didn’t help that my younger sister was born when I was still 6 years old. The responsibilities took over my childhood. 7 years old yet I already felt 25. I was spiraling deep inside. We were already struggling financially because of the pandemic and because of me, we had to lose 20k. For what reason? For me to graduate elementary. I told them that I can just retake 6th grade and they don’t have to pay just because of my own foolishness, but the good family they are, they paid because I could’ve been left behind and they didn’t want that to happen to me. So they sacrificed money.

I just wanted to die and disappear.

That’s where the gun comes in. I desperately begged God, or whatever is up there to let me get what I want. I begged for two things: to let me go back in the past, or let a gun magically appear underneath my pillow. I was still foolish. Yes, I matured fast but I was dumb to hope that one of those wishes would come true. I wanted to go back in the past to at least experience my childhood - the one that was taken away from me - just one more time. I wanted to have a gun just so I could end my suffering. Sure 6 years old, and to get a younger sister was alright. It was a huge age gap, and I could’ve managed. But I didn’t. I didn’t know why.

But deep down, I know. I know why. I wanted to be an only child. I wanted to be pampered. I didn’t have it in me to act like an older sister to somebody when I wanted to have somebody. I wanted an older figure.


So, everything - it all stems from me, deep inside.

Why was I born such a fucked up person?

The assault, I was only 5 years old and I didn’t know anything. My cousin did. I lost my virginity at such a young age. He was the one who did it and he was old enough to know what he was doing. I sometimes think that maybe, I could’ve just dreamt it when I was a child because me and that cousin still talk up until now. And he acts normally. Maybe I made it all up? Maybe he forgot? Maybe he’s playing dumb like I am? Maybe it was just a horrible dream? If it was a dream, then why do I still remember and feel so vividly?

Thanks, ya, for being one of the reasons on how I became like this. As I’m typing this, I hear ur voice outside and it sickens me to see you act so happily, not knowing (or maybe you know) that you ruined a child’s life.

I was in such a depressive state, that I just wanted to end it all. Up until now, I still do, but this feeling isn’t as harsh as to how I felt back then. Everything changed when face to face classes returned. I was afraid at first, not knowing how to socialize but as time passed by, I warmed up. I returned to the old pandemic me. The 2019 me, the real me. But due to the pandemic, It ruined parts of me that I still can’t fix and maintain such as my teeth. It’s one of the reason of my low esteem right now. I hate the pandemic, yet it serves as an extreme comfort. The reason to why I survived the pandemic was due to my discord friends and anime. You might call me a weirdo but they were genuinely the reason to why I didn’t give up.

Fast forward to 2023 Christmas. I’m not okay. This state has been coming back lately and I feel like absolute shit these days but it’s fine. It has gotten better before. It will get better again. There are some instances, like right now, where the old me slips through and I find myself desperately begging for a gun just so when I can’t take it anymore I have the easy way out. (And traumatize my family, lol. Imagine their faces when they wake up to see myself covered in blood with a gun in my hand) It’s a coward move but thats how all I’ve learned. To be a coward. So please don’t blame me.

I’m sorry to my family. I’m so sorry that I have been an inconvenience all this time and I am a lazy worthless piece of shit but I hope you guys know that I’m trying. Mental health really is a bitch sometimes. I am trying, really. It takes time so please be patient with me. I don’t know when everything will start to get better again but I wish that someday, one day, the time will come where I don’t remember the feeling of being miserable anymore.

It has gotten better before. It will get better again.

Sincerely,

Chaessel Anne Mhae V. Arisgado

11:30 PM DECEMBER 9 2023 SATURDAY

[kidkintsugi]

stuff happened again over the course of the last few months and theres nothing I can do. I might just do it after all.

Friend i made over the last year dropped me and had me blocked on every account he owns because we had an argument. I even tried apologizing to him but by that time he already had me blocked everywhere. I regret sending that apology; i was also hurt. He didnt even try to apologize, and the way hes now trying to brutally distance himself giving me no chance to even contact him shows me that maybe hes only been using me for my money and help after all. The guy who apparently he crushed hard on broke his heart twice, yet he kept on crawling back to him. I have an argument with him once and he drops me like its nothing. I suspect this is also a way for him to avoid giving me back the money he owes? Maybe i wasnt that important to him after all, its almost laughable. Im not even trying to say i did everything right because i didnt, but again, in his own words, he doesnt even care. He'll be retaking the semester, i suspect he'll be spending his last days in my class online (if he id attending classes at all) so he doesnt even have to see anyone.

My best friend since birth who is essentially like a sister to me confessed to her mother that she fears for our friendship because I seem distant. It breaks my heart honestly, and with all of the other shit that has gone down, this was the last thing i needed. I cried for the first time in months. Shes everything to me, id rip off my arm if it made her happy, i couldnt even be angry at her if i tried, yet shes upset because i didnt have it in me to reach out. I hate myself, i really do. I make so much time for homework; ive been working non stop all over my christmas break, its a whole buttload of shit that i have to work at all over christmas, yet i couldnt find the time to talk to her. I want to rip my skin off, the urge to hurt myself is so bad as im writing this. Im an idiot. I wish i could be a better friend but after this much work and other emotional turmoil going on around me, daily classes until 4pm with homework directly afterwards until 8pm, i barely have the energy to even leave my bed, much less to initiate conversation.

My family feels like its falling apart as well ever since my uncle died. We already pretty much never talk to one pair of aunt and uncle because theyre not the nicest and like to stirr up trouble because my grandpa doesnt give them money (? lol) but now my other aunt, that used to be married to my now dead uncle, found new love. Within half of a year. Shes now also distancing herself, moving to a city an hour away from our own. We dont even know her new lover. She'll be moved to the other city by the start of next year. This only leaves me and my parents with my cousin, who developed depression because her partner doesnt care for her or her child (my grandcousin!!!! Hes so funny he can barely talk because hes so young!!!) and my other cousin who is, apparently, in an incestuous relationship with his half brother (THIS IS SO WEIRD TO WRITE???? WHAT HAPPENED THERE). We arent many people left but we still care for eachother, or at least i hope so.

Honestly, it just all looks like it wont get better in the future. Ill always be like this. Ill always struggle with emotion. I genuinely believe its for the better when im just dead. Theres only very few things keeping me from doing it. I hope next year gets better; ive been promised ill have less homework in my 5th and 6th semester, but my school rarely keeps up with promises. My hopes arent high.

[coffeeandfaeries]

The Inheritance Games - A book review

Jennifer Lynn Barnes

This was the first book I read, not only after a two-month period of no reading but also after reading exclusively bad YA fantasy. So there is a pretty good chance this book isn't as "good" as I think it is. I could very well be biased because I had so much fun reading it.

The story follows a young girl (Don't think they ever give us the exact age and the American schooling system confuses me, but I believe she's 17) called Avery. Avery is technically not an orphan, because her father is alive, but because he's not in her life she might as well be an orphan. The first thing we learn is that her mother loved playing games. Her favorite one being I have a secret, she believed that everyone should have at least one secret at all times. That is, as Avery says until one of her secrets landed her in the hospital. After her mother's death, Avery lived with her sister, Libby, and her sister's abusive boyfriend Drake. Absolutely hate Drake, during one of the first interactions we see between him and Avery he calls her "jailbait". I know it's a difficult position to be in, especially after being basically brainwashed by an abusive, manipulative partner, and I empathize with Libby. However, as an older sister, there is no way in hell I would let a man like that live anywhere near my sister. Alright, back to the plot.

Libby goes to high school, has all As, has a full-time job, and lives in her car. In her spare time, she plays chess at a local park with a homeless man called Harry. This might seem like boring unnecessary information, but trust me, it will be very important later.

One day she gets pulled out of class and asked to go to the principal's office. Apparently, she got a 100 on a test, designed by the teacher to be so difficult that no one can pass it, most definitely not with a 100. She gets mad at them for assuming that she cheated and says she will retake the test right then and there. And she does.

Fast forward a few days later, she gets called to the principal's office again. Once again she passed the test with a 100, but that is no longer relevant because there is someone else in the office who wanted to see her. Here, we're introduced to a man called Grayson Hawthorne. Well, I say man, but he's about a year older than Avery, which makes him either 17 or 16.

What is it with YA novels, and books in general, and young protagonists. Why is every romance novel about teenagers and children. I understand that technically YA books are aimed at 13 to 16-year-olds, but would it kill the authors to at least make the characters legally adults? It feels so weird and uncomfortable reading a romance novel, especially if it has sex scenes when the people involved are 16.

Sorry, back to the book. Grayson then tells her that she's been named in his grandfather's will and will need to be present for the will's reading. I know this isn't exactly relevant to the story yet, but Grayson gives me major Redditor vibes. He's not unlikeable, don't get me wrong, but he sounds like a kid who just stumbled upon a thesaurus and is trying really hard to sound smart. And we know that's not because the author didn't know how to make an actual smart character because Grayson gets made fun of for it by other characters.

Naturally, this freaks Avery out completely. Even if she doesn't get a lot of money, anything would help her now since she is, you know, living in her car. But money aside, she is very confused as to why a random man she has never met would even include her in his will. She assumes it had something to do with her mother, especially since that woman was full of secrets.

Obviously, she gets on that plane and heads to Texas. We find out that the man who has passed away, Tobias Hawthorne, who I will be referring to as either Tobias or Grandpa from now on, was not only rich but the 9th richest person in the world and the richest person in the state of Texas. His net worth was $46,200,000,000. 46.2 billion dollars. Man, when is it my turn to be included in a billionaire's will :/

I keep going off on a tangent, my bad. So she gets to this enormous house, the Hawthorne House, which is so big they might as well start calling it a castle. Here she meets Alise, the lawyer, Zara and Skye Tobias' daughters, and Tobias' four grandsons — Nash, Grayson, Jameson, and Xander. (I can't imagine Nash as anyone other than Nash Grier, which is so funny considering that this Nash is supposed to have a heavy southern, Texan accent)

Nash is the oldest brother, he's a cowboy nomad. Never stays in one place for a long time. He's a sweetheart who's always ready to help and protect, but that's because he has a serious savior complex. I wouldn't say he believes the world would stop spinning if it weren't for him, but he can sometimes treat people as projects, which can be very dehumanizing. Another thing we find out, Nash and Alise used to be engaged.

Grayson is the second oldest brother. A major pain in the ass. Doesn't trust anyone and like all rich kids, believes the world revolves around him. He walks around as the human embodiment of the "Uhm, well actually 🤓☝️" meme. He thinks he's the smartest person in the room at all times. Because we don't get to see him all that much he doesn't really develop as a character, but there are two more books in this trilogy so he might get more "screen time" later.

Jameson. He's uh special. Definitely my favorite, but oh boy. So damaged. He's the same age as Avery. The troublemaker of the family. His mother said, and I quote:

We'd look away for a second, he'd disappear into the walls. And every time we found him, I'd pick him up and cuddle him tight and know, to the depths of my soul, that all he wanted was to get lost again.

He hid behind this jokester, clown persona. To him, everything was a game. Nothing was meant to be taken seriously. But, this is so obviously just a front. Yes, he is immature and competitive, but it's not all he cares about. The boys have an emotionally neglectful and absent mother, they never knew who their fathers are, and on top of that, both Jameson and Grayson watched a girl they loved die. They obviously both need therapy.

Finally, we have Xander. The youngest of the four brothers. We don't get to see him very often in this book, but the next one will focus heavily on Xander. He's very similar to Jameson in the sense that he too treats life like it's a game. The main difference between him and Jameson is that he acts way more childish despite being the more mature brother. There were a few moments where I felt like the character was supposed to be 6, not 15/16, but in an endearing way. For example, when Avery asked him why he doesn't hate her he replied:

If you notice, I have kept the blueberry confections for myself and gave you, he shuddered, the lemon-flavored scones. Such is the depth of my loathing for you personally and on principle.

He later goes on to say that he has no reason to hate her since none of this was her fault.

Nash never cared about the inheritance or the "game", Grayson was mad at Avery and believed she had somehow manipulated Tobias, Jameson wanted to win, and Xander pretended to play along. Later we learn that Xander knew a lot more than he initially let on.

After the reading of the will, the five of them got letters from Tobias. Nash, Grayson, and Jameson all got the exact same letter.

Better the devil you know than the one you don't—or is it?

Power corrupts.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

All that glitters is not gold.

Nothing is certain but death and taxes.

There but for the grace of God go I. Don't judge.

— Tobias Tattersall Hawthorne

But Avery's letter just said I'm sorry. The first time we got to see her letter, what I assumed that meant was that he is sorry for dragging her into this mess. It felt like she was just a means to an end. But Avery thought he left her the inheritance as an apology. She believed it just had to have something to do with her mother and one of her many secrets.

Jameson and Avery end up working together to solve this riddle. Quickly they realize that every sentence in the letters the boys received is a proverb. Except for Don't judge. Which they then realize is the first half of Don't judge a book by its cover

They search Tobias' libraries until they find a book whose cover doesn't match the book. Which just happens to be Faustus. The devil. It was never clarified if the Proverbs were referencing the book or if that was just a coincidence. This book made me question every single little thing. Every time they found something or said anything I was wondering if it had a second, hidden meaning that might help us solve the riddle.

As they're searching for clues and deciphering the riddles, we get to see the subplots. Libby went home to get their stuff and was assaulted by Drake, she then broke up with him and Alise (the attorney) filed for a restraining order in Libby's name.

Avery starts going to this private school that Jameson and Xander attend. Thankfully, we didn't get a bullying side plot since most of the kids in the school just ignored Avery. She could tell they were staring at her and they whispered sometimes, but none of them were mean to her. Except for Thea. Thea is the daughter of Zara's second husband. So not exactly related to the Hawthornes, but they're technically cousins. She is a sneaky little bitch. She walks up to Avery on her first day of school and tries to scare her away, under the guise of helping her. She then tells Avery to be careful because the last time a girl spent a lot of time in the Hawthorne House she died.

Skye, the mother of the four boys, was acting weird and suspicious. She made a couple of passive-aggressive remarks, and I believe this is the second time we hear about a girl called Emily. (I think this is the second time? She doesn't know much about Emily, all she knows is that she was involved with the brothers in some way and that she had died) Skye tells Avery that Jameson is special, but to not believe that she is in any way special to him. That both she and Emily were just an escape for him, just a game.

Okay, enough of that let's get back to the mystery. Jameson, Grayson, and Avery realized that the next clue is in the Red Will. Which is just a copy of the will written in red ink. They use some kind of rolling paper to find hidden text on the will. The words that show up are Westbrook. Davenport. Winchester. Blackwood. Which happen to be the middle names of the Hawthornes.

Skye tells them that those aren't the last names of their fathers and that she doesn't know what they mean because Tobias had chosen them.

Jameson and Avery (separately) were the first to find out that those aren't just their middle names, but after the locations surrounding the property i.e. The Black Wood - Blackwood; a brook, on the west side of the property - Westbrook.

They searched Westbrook first I believe, on the bridge they found a number, 8. Jameson and Avery talk, and Jameson tells her that he watched Emily die. Some time later they searched The Black Wood. Unfortunately, before they found anything someone tried to shoot them. They missed and shot one of the trees, but the debris hit Avery and she had a chunk of wood stuck in her, just below her collarbone.

They take her to the house of one of the families that work for the Hawthornes. There we learn that Rebecca, a girl Avery goes to school with, is the granddaughter of the help. And also Emily's sister.

Jameson helps Avery clean herself up and they kiss. He then breaks the kiss to talk about the "game" and, understandably, Avery gets mad at him and he leaves. As she was leaving the bathroom she runs into Rebecca and they chat. She asks about Emily and finds out she had some kind of heart disease. But also that Emily liked both Grayson and Jameson and didn't want to choose between them. The boys treated it like a game and apparently cared more about winning than they did about Emily. She then asks how she dies and all that Rebecca says is that Grayson told her it was her heart.

So now two brothers were in some way involved in Emily's death. We already know they were also both dating her. Honestly Queen shit, she had two hot guys wrapped around her finger. I assumed that they believed that her death was their fault because she did something stupid and they didn't/couldn't stop her. I was pretty sure neither of them has murdered her. I was just hoping she didn't commit suicide.

Eventually, they find out it was Drake who tried to kill Avery. Imagine shooting twice and managing to miss both times. This dude is a loser, can't do anything right. They arrest him, but he's trying to frame Libby and claim it was her idea. The authorities investigate and come to the conclusion that he's full of shit.

During some kind of charity event Avery and Xander hang out alone and he tells her that he used to date Thea. After she's like ew she's your cousin, he explains that they were fake dating. Thea used to be best friends with Emily but had a crush on Rebecca. Emily was against them dating, because she was jealous and wanted to be both Thea and Rebecca's favorite. (rip but Emily sounds like a spoiled brat) Xander also tells her that Emily found out about Thea and Rebecca, and had Jameson break up with her on the same night. The night she died.

Xander then tells her that Grayson and Jameson will be waiting for her in a helicopter if she wants to join them in the search for the last number, so far they have 8, 1, 1.

She joins them and they learn that the last number is 0. After a few minutes of trying to figure out what the correct combination is, Avery excitedly says that it has to be 18. 10. 18th of October—her birthday. The boys get mad and say that can't be the right answer because that isn't just her birthday, it's also the day Emily died.

So far, it seems like Emily's death is a big part of the riddle. Grayson and Jameson both believe that this entire thing is their fault. Obviously, it was all about them. How they should've chosen family over a girl, if they had none of this would've happened. Avery, however, disagrees, she believes it has to be a coincidence. A few chapters ago we found out that Tobias lost his son, Toby, and hasn't been the same since. 20 years have passed since Toby's death, and it was right after it that Tobias changed the will and decided to plan this game. So there is no way this had anything to do with Emily, she wasn't even born yet at that point. But Jameson and Grayson won't listen to her, they're done playing.

Avery doesn't give up, she continues searching for clues. Soon she realizes that 1810 is everywhere around the house. This part was a bit confusing, but there was some sort of safe behind Tobias' portrait, and when she typed the password in, it opened and there was a glass pane inside with a poem engraved in it.

Top of the clock

Meet me at high

Tell the late day hello

Wish the morning good-bye

A twist and a flip

What do you see?

Take them two at a time

And come find me

Since Jameson and Grayson didn't want to speak to her, let alone help her she had to figure this one by herself. Thankfully, Xander came to help her. He took her to the Great Room. She rotated one of the glass panes of a glass window and exactly at noon, it showed them which floorboard they had to remove. The secret passage took them to the tunnel. Xander and Avery went down the stairs into the tunnel, after a few minutes of searching they find a big door, in order to go through however, they needed to unlock it and the "key" was Avery's face (facial recognition), unfortunately in order to go through the second door they needed handprints. Of all four brothers.

Xander goes back to get his brothers and Avery stays behind. Rebecca then shows up and starts rambling. This girl is obviously mentally ill and needs help. I can't even be mad at her it's just so sad. She keeps going on and on about how she never does anything that Emily wouldn't want her to. Then apologized and said she had to do "it" because that's what Emily would've wanted. She had to do it because Emily would've hated Avery. Obviously, Avery gets scared thinking Rebecca might try to kill her. However, Rebecca then says that she knows she should've told the authorities it was Skye who sent Drake to kill Avery. At that moment Grayson, Nash, and Xander show up. Grayson says he will handle it. They then wait for Jameson who finally shows up like 30 minutes later.

They unlock the door and all there is in the room is a box with Avery's full name on it. They realize it's an anagram for a very risky gamble. She opens the box and inside is a package of sugar.

We see a flashback of little Avery stacking packets of sugar. An older man asks her what her name is and if she can spell out her full name. (In an endearing, did you learn to write way, and not in an interrogative way) She says yes and does it.

Avery realizes that the old man was Tobias Hawthorne. Then it hits her, she was nothing but a cute little girl with a silly little name. She wasn't special, there was no secret reason she inherited the money. Tobias left her the inheritance, and all he has left to his grandsons is her.

In the Epilogue, we find out that Xander's letter was different from the ones his brothers got. His letter just says:

Alexander, Well done. Tobias Hawthorne

Before Tobias passed he told him he needs to make sure his brothers play. And when their game is done, yours will begin.

He placed the paper in water, and around the signature words appeared. Spelling out Find Tobias Hawthorne II

We then see Avery and Nan, Tobias' mother-in-law, listening to the piano and talking. Nan shows her a photograph of a man and says that was Toby. Avery's heart sinks to her stomach when she realizes she knows him. Toby was Harry, the homeless man she played chess with.

And the book ends there.

The book was an emotional rollercoaster. I'm still not sure if Avery actually was being used to bring Jameson and Grayson together and help them forgive one another, or if there's more to this story. I feel like with Tobias there are no coincidences. However, I may just be overthinking. At one point I was questioning everything and I'm glad none of my family members heard me yell out "Oh God what if Tobias and Toby are the same person. Maybe he's his own father?". So yeah, definitely overthinking a bit.

Avery has mentioned her mother has a secret about the day Avery was born. So there is no way this is the entire story, especially since there are two more books. Fingers crossed that we won't find out Avery is related to them. I actually would love to see some romance and that wouldn't be exactly possible if they were cousins or god forbid siblings.

Personally, I don't think Jameson and Grayson should be dating anyone, it's clear they're not over Emily. After all, it's only been a year since she died. But they're also still blaming themselves for her death.

Oh shit, I just realized I forgot to say what happened to her. So basically Jameson broke up with her, she ran over to Grayson and told him she wants to go cliff diving. Grayson hesitates but doesn't stop her. They jump and he goes to get towels. While he's gone, Jameson shows up. Emily smirks at him and he turns around to leave. She grabs her chest and falls down to her knees. Thinking she's teasing him, he turns around and walks away. But when Grayson comes back with the towels he finds her dead on the beach. Her heart gave out and she died.

This review is just all over the place, damnit.

I really love this book, I can't wait to finish the trilogy. Although I kinda do like the idea that perhaps Avery was just chosen randomly and there's nothing more to it, it just feels too simple. But as Occam's razor states, the simplest answer is most often the correct one.

Rating: ⛤⛤⛤⛤

[54-1]

Coincidence? (=

I think it was during my uhm third year or fourth year of my law school, and probably the second or third year of being a member of the law school's basketball team. It was the first semester of the school year.

One of the subjects I took was a retake and it was suppose to be a manageable so I thought I'll just sit in front-row seats so the professor might remember me, do well in the exams at least at the minimum and sleep well without worrying about failing the class.

I would go early in class to be able to sit in the front row probably three or four seats from the aisle on the left side of the room facing the board. The area for the professor in front is elevated so, we have this table-arm school chair made of wood that were placed leg-distance away from the elevated area in front of the class. For some lazy-assed reason I would sit in such a way that I would be able to extend my legs and prop my feet on the elevated area in front. Hey, I get to have the classroom for myself for a few minutes that sometimes--well most of the time I would forget that my classmates would be coming in soon. For a number of times, there would be this classmate who would really make a slowly step over my legs carefully not trying to trip over them. That would made me conscious of course and I would tuck my legs back but it would happen again the following meetings. She would sit a seat apart from where I sat, but no one would sit between us. We never really talked much, a few times this classmate would ask me a question or two about what the professor would say, I would give her my guess on how I understood it.

I was that obstinate of her presence, I determined to pass the course cause I failed it already.

I would not have looked at my classmate had it not been for her last name. Last names don't register on me much especially if they are common unless you say them over and over. My classmate's name was not common but I was quite too preoccupied with my readings that by the time her last name would be called, it would be too late for me to trace back where the reply would be coming from. Most of the time, it would just be a raise of hand you see. I was only able to trace said last name to the person sitting on my left probably two or three meetings to go before the semester ends. I had eight chances to get to know her, but I was only made aware of her presence two or three meetings before the semester ends.

Torralba was of interest because I had a batch-mate in my undergraduate days of that same last name. When I had a good look at Jhonalyn Torralba for the first time, I thought that she might be related to this batchmate I was referring to. Her eyes are really pretty and expressive, enclosed with long eye-lashes, small nose, and a matching smile that would either be polite but could also hold mischief when her dimple on her left cheek would show. It was a moment before I was able to look away. I thought maybe next time I would try to have a conversation with her. Much to my regret it was on the last day of our class meeting that I was able to muster of the courage to talk to her. It was also our final examination. It just went like "You're Jhonalyn Torrabla right? Are you by any chance related to Karen Torralba?" To my surprise and apprehension she replied "Yes, she is my older sister". This willingness and interest to know her became slightly cracked. I was intimidated by her sister during my undergraduate days, I don't think I would be able to give Jhonalyn the impression I want if her sister would be able to give her own contradicting impression, even with that, time was not on my side. There really was no other reason to stay in touch. I decided to let go and just not try to know her at all anymore. It gave my heart a bit of a pinch of regret though. She was courteous and captivating in a simple way. Any chance to see her again is if we would take the same subjects the next semester. That would just be leaving it to pure chance. It was a a good coincidence though a consolation for me as a good story.

#to be continued.

[duskamethyst]

broken reverie.

a/n: he’s not wearing glasses in this one.

word count: 3.9k

genre: smut, nsfw, college AU

warnings: taboo rs, slapping, spanking, choking, face fucking, brat taming (kind of), slight degradation, creampie, age gap (nanami reaching 40)

pairing: professor!nanami x f!reader

summary: professor nanami calls you to his office to ‘talk’ about your terrible performance in his class.

maybe you went too far.

or else you wouldn’t have ended up in his office. 

but is this the outcome you coveted? yes.

the door creaks behind you before it closes again as you sit and wait in front of the big wooden desk. you were kind of excited when he told you to come and see him at his office earlier but now you’re having a whirlwind of emotions making your stomach churn and you don’t dare to look around to face him– even though he’s going to be sitting in front of you in a moment.

his shoes clack against the floor as he strides and sits on his chair. the air in the room feels dense when the male doesn’t say anything; as if you’re not in his presence to begin with.

he looks exasperated. a long, deep breath is emitted through his nostrils as he loosens up his tie from the collar. you only gawk at him in awe as he does so, but quickly snap out when he finally shifts his gaze at you. 

“so, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he finally breaks the silence. the deep, husky tone of his voice fills your ear and you hope he doesn’t notice your thighs press against each other almost immediately.

“tell you.. what?” you mentally slap yourself. you’re clearly aware of what he’s insinuating but you’re suddenly lost for words. there’s a huge difference between seeing him in class and being alone together with him. it’s even more nerve wrecking than you imagined and oh god, is his ac broken? because it suddenly feels hot.

nanami raises a brow, evidently unamused. “i had the courtesy to make time for you when i should be having brunch now so i don’t appreciate you playing coy.” 

you gulp audibly, “i’m sorry, sir.”

“if it’s not clear to you yet, i’m talking about your grades.” he opens the drawer under his desk and pulls out a pile of paper before slamming it in front of you. you blink in surprise and flip through the pages, though you know you don’t need to see it when you already know what lies on them. there are a lot of red circles on the papers, namely yours, with huge unpleasant numbers on the corner ranging from 12% to 25%. 

then he takes out another file which you realize as your student record throughout your semester and the subjects you currently take. 

“i find it odd that you scored well for your other courses.” he skims through the pages. “you certainly didn’t cheat, i can tell.”

“no, of course not.”

“then, what’s the problem here?” his tired eyes bore into you as he waits for you to answer or come up with whatever excuse.

“well, i–” 

“you’re doing it on purpose.” he snaps.

it’s as if time comes to a stop. your cheeks heat up with humiliation and you can’t bring yourself to continue to look at him in the eyes. although you’re aware that your silence means compliance, you’re still jumbling up words in your head to deny his assumption. 

“are you going to tell me i’m wrong?” 

“yes– i-i mean–” you stammer.

“then enlighten me.” he glances at the branded watch donned on his left wrist. “we have time.”

you shake your head, “i have another class soon.”

“skip it.” he quickly retorts. “i’m sure you have no problems with that. your grades are doing well for that one, but certainly not mine.”

sweat starts to form on your palms as you look down on your thighs, purposely avoiding his eyes that hold nothing but so much intensity. you’re weighing between two options; to keep on bluffing or come clean. you don’t think that nanami would let you get off the hook if you keep on lying and you’d definitely be bombarded with more questions, yet the outcome of the latter would be so embarrassing and you don’t know if you can live it down for the rest of the semester.

you’ve fantasized about being alone with him but.. not particularly this way. 

gathering courage and taking a deep breath, you decide it’s best to just tell him the truth.

“you’re right,” you feel your ears burning, hands clammy. “i purposely failed your class.”

lifting up your head, you see the male grinning lopsidedly in his seat. maybe he’s pleased that you’re not wasting his time anymore, you’re not sure, he’s not easy to read.

“wasn’t that easy?” he folds his arms in front of his chest. “i have my own speculation but i wanna hear why you did it.”

“um,” you look down to your hands again, also half wondering what kind of bold assumption he has in mind. “i was dared by my friend.”

“wrong,” he scoffs. “and look at me while you’re talking.”

you sigh defeatedly and nervously fix your gaze. if you’ve learned one thing now, it’s that your professor doesn’t have tolerance for bullshit and he knows one when he hears one.

“i-i did it for.. attention.” 

“my attention?” he emphasizes, maintaining his stoic persona to mask his amusement of finding out that his speculation turns out to be indeed true.

you purse your lips in a thin line, nodding your head quietly. nanami remains to stare at you as he ponders in silence. you can hear your heart beating rapidly in your ears and you want to break eye contact so badly but you’re certain it wouldn’t be wise. 

“all that, just for a crumb of my attention?” he spits with a hint of venom in his voice. “are you happy with what you did?”

well, you’ve imagined him punishing you on his desk, fuck you raw or spank you with his belt until your ass turns red– not some serious interrogation.

“no, sir.” 

nanami props his elbows on the table, hands clasped under his chin to keep his head up. the air around him becomes even more threatening but it somehow manages you to feel even more aroused, making your toes curl in your shoes. you definitely need to get out soon.

“you know, if i have even one student failing my class, i could get into trouble and be questioned for my performance.” he starts. “to have you doing that for your own selfish incentive is unacceptable, don’t you think?”

“i’m sorry.” you mumble with meek.

“besides that, you might have to retake this course again for your next semester and it’ll waste your time– or..?”

you stay silent to let him continue.

“or you were intending to be in my class again so you can see me?” 

“y-yes.” you bashfully admit after one silent moment, knowing that lying will take you nowhere. “i’m sorry, sir.”

nanami chuckles, finding your naivety to be rather entertaining. never has he ever met a student like you, outwardly expressing their interest in him by failing their paper. he’s not too sure what you’re trying to get out of him but maybe he can put one and one together. it’s pretty common that younger women have an attraction to older men like him and your classmates are.. well, not exactly the best looking either. 

“are you?” he smirks cynically. “do you have any idea how many students i have to monitor? how tiring my job can be?”

“yes. it was inconsiderate of me. i’m sor–”

“show me.” nanami cuts you off and leans back on his chair. maybe he can push you a little bit, he thinks. you owe him this anyway.

you blink, perplexed. “what?”

“you kept saying sorry.” he undoes two of the buttons on his blue dress shirt and spreads his legs apart. “talk is cheap. show me.” 

you do a double take as he taps his thigh and waits for you to come over. you have the faintest idea of what he’s implying but your body freezes and your brain short-circuits as if paralyzed.

“you chose to lie again? you’re not really sorry, are you?” 

“no, no! that’s not it. i just..” 

an ongoing battle takes place in your mind– sure that this is a part of your deepest, darkest fantasy yet you’re just baffled over how quick nanami catches on to it. now that your debaucherous dream has become a vivid reality, you don’t know which is the right step to take. 

“but if not now, when?” a soft voice in your head whispers. if desire could embody a voice, you think this is it. gentle, yet seductive as if it attempts to give you a push to pluck and have a taste of the forbidden fruit. 

“how much longer do you have to touch yourself to the thoughts of your professor before you go to bed?”

“although this could be a one time thing, at least you’d know how it feels like.” 

you slowly get up from your seat and make your way towards him. nanami’s eyes trail up at you, down to the floor then back up at you; gesturing you to get on your knees.

you settle between his thick thighs and look up at him timidly through your lashes before you bring your hands to undo his belt.

“no hands.” he quickly demands. 

you lick your lips as you figure the structure of the belt and how you’re going to take it off without the aid of your hands. the taste of cold metal and leather instantly invades your palate as you feebly use your teeth to tug the front loop of his belt. your head shifts awkwardly side to side until you finally get to catch the buckle between your teeth, pulling it hard before the belt soon unfastens.

nanami only observes you indifferently from above, yet the large tent in front of you doesn’t conceal the excitement he currently possesses. 

you take a deep breath before you continue on succeeding your quest. you twist your neck as you find and tug on the fabric loop that holds the button.

“i know you’re a smart girl.” he praises as he rests his hand on top of your head while you struggle to lift up the zipper with your tongue and grasp it between your teeth. the simple praise inflates your confidence and you become more eager to complete your task so you can claim your awaiting prize.

with valiantness, you finally lock eyes with him as you pull down his zipper completely to reveal the huge bulge pressing against the fabric of his briefs and the tip slightly poking out from the top. 

“hm? you still have to take it out, no?” he smirks as he notices you gape at the outline of his cock. 

you quickly pull yourself together and lean back up to the stretchy band on his waist. he hisses when he feels your tongue purposely graze against the flushed tip before you pull down the briefs by force to reveal the one thing you’ve been desiring for so long. 

you press your thighs together as a dull ache forms in your core from the sight of his thick cock standing proudly in front of you. it’s nothing like you’ve ever imagined– it’s better and you’ve finally found it worth going through all that trouble of failing his class (and using your mouth to take off his pants).

“this is what you want, isn’t it?” he sneers, titling up your chin with his fingers, brushing your lips with his thumb and pulling the bottom lip apart so he can see a row of teeth.

“y-yes, sir.” you gulp and breathe as you wait for his next command. 

nanami’s lips tug into a conceited smirk, “suck.” 

leaning down your head to the base, you flatten your tongue underneath the shaft and slowly drag upwards in favor of reveling the veins on his hard cock. nanami lets out a sigh of content when he feels your tongue licking his tip and his hand tugs on your locks by reflex. you look at him as you wrap your lips around the tip, slobbering the tip with your saliva and his precum.

“fuck.” he curses under his breath and his head falls back when the warmth of your mouth finally engulfs his throbbing cock as you take most of the length inside your mouth.

you hollow your cheeks together, head bobbing up and down as you struggle to take more of his cock that you nearly choke whenever the tip hits the back of your throat, but the hand on top of your head grabs a fistful of your hair and he pushes your head down to sink all his length inside your mouth deeper. when you want to pull away, he only holds you in place and remains his cock down your throat. 

“through your nose.” he mutters. tears start to well in your eyes while your saliva just trickles down to his balls as he screws his eyes shut and relishes in the pleasure that washes throughout his body. “i needed this so bad, you know?” 

your whines only give him more stimulation and his hips jerk in response, “just wouldn’t think that a student– fuck– out of all people would choke on my dick.” he lets out a sardonic chuckle as if something just crossed his mind. “it’s wrong, but that’s what makes it feel so good, isn’t it?” 

nanami keeps you in the position as he ruts his hips slowly into your throat. his eyes are closed in concentration and his lips part slightly in fast and short pants. you work on your gag reflex as you let him fuck your mouth, enduring the sharp sting on your scalp when he tugs your hair harder– at least you know you’re making him feel good.

“if i cum in your mouth, you’d gladly swallow, won’t you?” 

you can feel his cock twitching when you let out a choke of assent from your throat but you splutter as soon as nanami abruptly pulls away his cock because of a sudden knock on the door that startles the both of you.

“get under the desk.” he urges and you quickly crawl to hide while he coughs and inches closer to his desk. “come in.”

you hear the door open followed by echoes of footsteps before it comes to a halt in front of his desk.

“didn’t i tell you to contact me before seeing me?” his voice is laced with irritation yet collected as he speaks. you can imagine the agitated look on his face, thinking it would be only natural for anyone to assume that he’s already having a bad day. and to them, interrupting the peak of his orgasm is most definitely not it. 

without a second thought, you take back his dick inside your mouth. a spur of triumph swells in your chest when you feel his body jolts in surprise. you think it’s only fair since he has choked you with his cock and what perfect timing to carry out your petty vengeance when the man is busy advising his student. 

however, nanami shifts on his seat to give you more access to take more length of his cock. he tries to stay composed as he feels your tongue gliding up and down his shaft but once the wet muscle prods against the slit, he emits an oddly sharp exhale. you can hear him almost stammering as he speaks and the way his tone changes to conceal the squelching sounds you elicit from underneath the table as you please his cock with zeal.

“so, i want you to fix the mistake and hmm..,” his hands ball into fists on the table as he takes a deep breath. “show me in class tomorrow.”

“sure. uh, are you okay, sir?” you hear the voice say. “you don’t look well.”

his eye twitches when your tongue wraps around his balls, taking one inside your mouth to suck harshly.

“yeah, fine.” he clears his throat. “thanks for asking.”

nanami only watches as his student turns to walk towards the door until the door closes behind him. once he’s sure that the student has left the door, he finally leans back on his chair in relief. 

“fuck.” he groans, glancing down at you as you look up at him innocently with doe eyes and your swollen lips wrapped prettily around his balls. yet, he looks dissatisfied more than anything. 

nanami grabs your arm and drags you out from under his desk until you’re on your feet, “i never took you as a fucking brat.” he lifts up your skirt and bites back a groan once he sees the damp patch on your panties. “did you touch yourself?”

you hum a ‘mhm’, feigning guiltlessness as he grazes his fingers on your inner thighs. 

“you’re just asking for me to touch you here, hm?” shivers run up your spine when his thumb ghosts over your wet slit and up to your clit.

“y-yes.” your breath hitches.

“begging for me to push your head on the table and ram my cock inside you?” he muses, pressing on your clit as he watches you squirm. “is that what you want?”

“please–” you roll your hips slightly to soothe the ache on his thumb but a hand comes down harshly on your ass, gesturing for you to stop in a fierce manner.

nanami chuckles mockingly, “well, that’s what exactly you’re not going to get.”

a whine elicits from your lips when he draws back his hands to his thighs and you glance at his dick; still throbbing and leaking precum from the florid tip. well, at least he hasn’t put it back inside his pants, so you still have a chance.

“come on. you haven’t shown me how much you’re sorry.”

with your inhibitions already flew out of the window, you stand in between his thighs, hoist the skirt to your waist and tug your panties to the side before squatting down to smear your slick on his dick. sparks of arousal swim through you as you grind your clit on the tip before you sink down, gasping as his thick cock stretches your cunt and down until you’re filled to the brim.

you glance at the male expectantly, waiting for him to move but he raises a questioning brow at you, “if you want something, work for it.”

not exactly what you sought for, but it should suffice. you begin to gyrate your hips slowly, adjusting to his size before you can pick up the pace. you fight the urge to hold onto him for leverage, in fear he wouldn’t appreciate the crumple on his expensive dress shirt later.

as you become more delirious, you start to hump his cock vigorously, whining like a bitch in heat as you feel every vein and ridges on his cock brushing deliciously against your walls. nanami lifts the hem of your shirt and brings it up to your mouth and you quickly catch it between your teeth. 

“the door isn’t locked, you know.” he muses, staring at your bouncing tits with half lidded eyes; mesmerized and thick with lust. “what’s going to happen if someone comes in and sees you bouncing on her professor’s cock like a little whore?”

a low, guttural sound rips from his throat when he feels your walls clenching around him in response.

“you’d like that, don’t you?” he smirks, tugging your bra down slightly and brushes his thumb against the erected nipple, making you mewl through the fabric in your mouth.

“you know you’re not supposed to do this but,” he brings up his thumb to caress your cheek. “you’re just so eager to please me, aren’t you?”

you sniffle in response, hands clutching on his solid thighs as you melt into his soft gaze before it’s gone in an instant.

“but i don’t like brats.” he sneers, drawing his hand away to slap your breast. “i don’t like people making my job harder. are you a brat?”

you shake your head, he slaps again.

“you act like one. stop lying.”

nanami tugs down the shirt from your mouth, a part of the fabric already drenched with your drool. his large hand circles around your throat while the other grips your hip firmly to roll your hip even faster on his dick. 

“oh– feels good–!” you moan wantonly, eyes rolling back as you let him control your body and assert his dominance over you.

“fuck it does.” he presses your throat tighter on the sides, restricting air from entering your lungs but your walls squeeze harder in retaliation. 

“bratty little bitch. clamping down on me like that.” he grits out and slaps across your face. what seems to be a rather harsh form of treatment, the pleasure filled sting and the lack of oxygen only fuel your arousal that you don’t even notice the way you hump on his cock has become more rapturous.

“getting off to this?” nanami slaps your other cheek before he lets go of his grip around your neck and you’re finally able to breathe air again. yet, he doesn’t spare you time to gather yourself before he promptly lifts up your hips and starts to pound inside your cunt relentlessly. 

the position causes you to tip to the front and you immediately hold on to him; face burying on the crook of his neck while his cologne fills your senses and sends you into a state of frenzy. 

“you like me using your tight cunt like that?” nanami grabs your ass for leverage, the angle allows him to fuck you so deep that you’re able to feel his cockhead kissing your cervix with each thrust. 

“y-yes–!” you cry, the pressure in your stomach building up as you inch closer to an orgasm.

“like it when i use you to take out my frustrations?” he spanks the meaty flesh; walls clenching tighter on his fat cock and more slick dripping down his balls. “you just want to be my little cocksleeve, don’t you?”

“yesyesyes– please–!” your body starts to tremble above him. “w-wanna cum–”

“then fucking cum.” nanami rams into your cunny faster, abusing the spongy walls until the pressure snaps and tips you over the edge. you moan breathlessly into his neck, while your pussy gushes and creams around his cock. 

“that’s a good girl,” he fucks you through your high, grunting and panting as he pushes through the pulsing walls in order to chase his high. “and good girls get rewarded, right?”

you hum in agreement, still dazed and swimming in ecstasy as you gawk at him with heavy lidded eyes; the sweat glistening his forehead and sharp eyes focusing on where your bodies join. 

“then you’re gonna get some huge load in this pretty pussy.” his pace begins to stutter, nails digging deeper into your skin before his cock twitches and his hips freeze as he paints your insides white with cum.

both exhausted bodies rest against each other, chests heaving as you and nanami take time to regain composure and come down from your highs. he lifts you up slightly to take out his spent cock and he tugs back your panties in place, not minding the cum that dribbles from your quivering hole. 

your legs tremble once you get off of him that you have to force yourself to find your footing as you fix your skirt while the older male pulls back his pants in place. 

“do your best for your next papers, no more of that bullshit.” he fastens his buttons and straightens his tie before raising his hands to brush against his sleek, light brown hair that’s mixed with a few strands of grey. “but if you have any problems, just come and see me in my office.”

nanami falls quiet for a brief second to contemplate and you straighten your back when you once again meet his icy gaze, “after hours.”

enjoyed this piece? wanna buy me coffee? :)

duskamethyst © 2020 • do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.

[writer-kermit]

After School Tutorials…

Pairing: College Professor!Kakashi Hatake x College Student!Reader

Genre: Smut

Commissioned or Self Made: Self Made

Word Count: 1,838

Summary: You're failing Kakashi's class, so he decides to teach you a lesson.

A/N: If you would like a commission, ask me in my DMS or Ko-Fi Page.

Warning: NSFW, Teacher x Student, Teasing, Humiliation, Spanking, Biting, Overstimulation, Begging, Degradation, Dumbification, Teacher kink, Dom Play, MDNI

“Hey, what did you get for that last exam?”

“I got a sixty four out of one hundred. That exam was really hard.”

“No way! That exam was super easy! I got a ninety seven out of one hundred.”

“Well not everyone is a ‘know it all’ like you ……!”

“Well maybe you’re just a moron. Anyways [....], what did you get for the exam?”

…

“Oi! [....]! ”

A hand was wavering around your face, causing you to jolt back from your seat. “Huh? I-I’m up!” You stammered. Your two classmates looked at you as if you were a clown. The friend who woke you up–Sakura Haruno repeated the question to you.

“[....]. Me and dumbass Naruto here,”

“Hey!” Naruto Uzumaki interrupted. “I’m not a dumbass! It ain’t my fault that the test was hard!” He puffed his cheeks and Sakura rolled her eyes. “Anyways, after I was rudely interrupted! What did you get for the exam [....]?” Sakura asked again. You looked down at your desk. You then took a sheet with your exam grade and read it to your classmates. You can feel their shock reaction despite not seeing it for yourself.

“Damn [....],” Naruto said, “That’s even a more awful score than I got..” You shrugged at Naruto’s comment while Sakura punched him in the head, she then quickly got back to her composure. “[....], aren’t you concerned that your grade is so low?” She asked you. “Meh, I can just retake it. And besides,” You leaned on your chair. “If I fail college, then I’ll just get a sugar daddy, easy as that!”

“Excuse me [....]?”

A voice called out, hushing the classroom. You turned around to see your professor, Mr. Kakashi Hatake glaring at you maliciously. “You can be a sugar baby all you want when you leave my class, but I expect you to actually try on my exams. I know you had quite a bad score with your (...)%”

You felt your face heat up with embarrassment as you heard other students whisper and snicker behind you. “Since you want to act like a fool in class, why not meet me after school today?” “Y-yes sir..” You muttered, lowering your head in shame. A small smirk crept up in the inside of his mask.

“That’s my good student.”

The class then erupts with students' gossip as Naruto and Sakura gaze at you with concern. “Oh you’re in for it now [....].” Naruto warned. “I hate to say it, but I have to agree with Naruto. Do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?” You innocently shook your head. Sakura sighed and whispered in your ear. “Well, I heard he sometimes gets students suspended. And some were expelled. She then placed her hands on your shoulders.

“You gotta be careful [....]. Who knows what he might do to you?” “Yeah,” Naruto agreed, “we’ll be praying for you.” You then let out a reassuring chuckle. “Don’t worry guys, I’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?”

You shouldn’t have said that.

You should NOT have said that.

Or maybe you should’ve…

Now Professor Kakashi is one of the most easy going teachers you could ever have. However, he can have his serious moments. But there was another side of him that you would have never expected. Well now mentioning it, it’s quite obvious that he was rather ‘strange’.

You stood there in front of your teacher’s door, clutching your school bag, you knocked on the door three times until you heard a “come in”. You opened the door to see Kakashi already at his front desk.

“I’m glad you came here [....].” He spoke. “Yeah…” You sighed, averting your eyes from your teacher. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t necessarily mean what I said.” Through his mask, Kakashi gave out a comforting smile. “That’s alright, but I didn’t call you in for that at all.” “Oh really?” “Remember, I’m here to help with your exams,” Kakashi got up from his seat and walked towards you. He leaned his back to reach your gaze, the silence was enough for you to hear your own heartbeat.

“So please be thankful that I’m being generous enough to guide you. Most of your college professors wouldn’t do that…”

“...Y-yes!” You gulped. Kakashi smiled again and went back to his desk and sat down.

“Now, I have some of your papers that we need to review, so would you come here.” He asked in an odd tone, gesturing you to come next to him. You obeyed his order and walked over to his desk, standing right next to him. You leaned forward in hope to see your corrections. “You know [....]...” Kakashi whispered, pulling you in by your waist. “If you have issues looking down, how about you just sit on my lap?” You darted your eyes to Kakashi, who was still using that devilish smirk to antagonize you.

“W-what?! Professor! I-” ‘‘Now, now [....]. We’re the only people inside the campus, and it’s not like you were denying me.” Well, he wasn’t wrong about that. You abided by his order and sat down on his lap and his arms instantly went around your waist.

“Now let’s begin with our lessons shall we?”

….

“Now, this won’t be so easy-peasy.” Kakashi warned. “If you get a question right, then I’ll give you a reward. But,” He rested his chin on your shoulder, causing you to shiver with pleasure. “If you get any answer wrong, I’ll have to give you a punishment. Understand [....]?” “Yes sir…” You whimpered. Kakashi smiled and then guided you to the first question.

“Alright question one…” He read you the first question, and you wrote down your answer. He looked at your answer digitally and looked at another paper he was holding.

“Congrats [....]. Your answer is… Incorrect.” He whispered, pulling down his mask to nibble on your ear. Your body jolted from the sudden action as a moan escaped from your lips. “H-hah! Mmnngh.. Ahnnn… K-Kakashiii…” You moaned, arching your back. Your professor chuckled warmly at you. “Look at you baby..” He cooed. “Already a moaning mess when I barely did anything to you.” He hugged you tightly before asking you the next question. Still vulnerable, you wrote down the answer. Kakashi then repeated what he did for your first answer choice, the sinister smile on his face grew.

“And ding dong… You’re absolutely wrong…” He purred. He dived to your neck, kissing and sucking on your skin and creating hickey patches. Kakashi used his free hand to slide up your uniform shirt, feeling and pinching at your nipples. “Kakashi?!” You yelped. “W-what? What are you doing?” “Huh?” Kakashi mocked. “Don’t act like you’ve been craving for this [....]. You’ve wanted me to do this from the start, haven't you?”

You shook your head in denial. “Why else would you gaze at me with those flirtatious eyes of yours? Why else would you have arch your back so far up to my desk just to sharpen a pencil, just so I can see your plump ass? And of course..” He got up close to your ear again.

“Why else would you fail almost all of your assignments and exams for me to help you?” Ooh he got you there. “But..” You protested. “Oh? Are you trying to defend yourself, trying to saying that you’re sooo dumb that you need me to take baby steps with you?” He held up your chin and kissed your cheek.

“My cute dumb little student…”

His hand then traveled from your chest down to your pants. You let his hand play with your sex, shoving his fingers inside of you. Causing you to moan loudly. “Ohhh Fuck! Kakashhii~! Kakashi please…” “That’s professor Kakashi to you.” He said sternly. “Ahhnn, I’m so sorry.. Please, please forgive me..” You begged. “Hmm, perhaps… Unless you do a pop quiz..” Kakashi placed down a five question quiz sheet. He then ordered you to stand up only for you to be bent down towards the sheet, revealing your naked ass.

You knew exactly what he was gonna do next.

“Now, depending on how many times you get a question right or wrong, I’ll either fuck you faster or slower. Alright baby?” You let out a sigh and nodded your head. Kakashi then removed his own pants, revealing his swollen cock. You almost screamed as he leaned towards your back and slid inside of you, penetrating your prostate. You quickly relaxed and got into the rhythm of Kakashi humping you slowly. “Ahaha.. Go on baby..” He groaned. You answered the first question. You did as he said and circled your answer. Kakashi stopped for a moment, grabbed a pen and wrote a check mark on the first question.

“That is correct..” He cooed, making you giggle. He then resumed again, only now, he was humping you more slower than usual. Almost as if he were teasing you. “Ahhnn.. A-ahh! Professor… Please… Please go faster…” You whined, clenching on the edge of the desk. “Hmm.. How about instead of whining, how about you use your mouth and hands to answer the next question!”

He smacked your ass in response to your complaints, causing you to shriek and arch your back. You hurriedly answer the next question. Kakashi stopped to look at the sheet again. Kakashi then grabbed his pen and wrote an “X” on the sheet. Kakashi smiled and then guided you to the first question.

“Sorry [....], that’s wrong..” He then resumed again, humping at the earlier pace he was in. Your fingers trembled as you tried to write the answer to the third question. When you did, Kakashi wrote another “X” mark silently.

“Wrong again? You must be doing this on purpose now aren’t you?” “Haah.. Maybe I am..” You sassed, earning you another slap in the ass. “Don’t you know better not to talk back to your teacher?” He groaned, fucking you deeper inside of you. The feeling was enough for you to whimper and moan excessively, tears were blurring your eye vision. You struggled answering the next question. But Kakashi purposely wrote your answer wrong, knowing damn well it was correct to spite you.

“Ohoho.. Wrong.. Wrong.. WRONG!” He yelled, slapping your ass for the third time. “You’re just a dumb little slut are you huh? But you’re my dumb slut got it?” “Ahhnn~! Fuck.. Fuck..! P-professor~! I’ll be your dumb slut.. Make me yours~!” “Yeah? Is that so? Then take my cock.. Take my cock as I cum inside of you. That is an order from your professor…” You moaned loudly as Kakashi then slammed hard on your back as he cummed violently inside of you. He then slumped down on top of you.

Kakashi then locked your hands with his own and kissed your ear. “That’s a good student.. Relax for me now okay..?” He asked, his voice now softening. You did what he said and relaxed your body slowly. “Yeah that’s it… You’ll always be my dumb little student now won’t you?” You smiled and let out a sweet sigh. “Yes professor,” you replied.

“I’ll always be your dumb little student..”

[1d1195]

I’m so sorry for not updating recently. I’m working on a Niall story right now. But I still need some more time. Here is a stupid little blurb that might turn into something more eventually as a peace offering.

“Hi.”

She looked up from her textbook and notebook. She was copying down the problem onto the paper and was going to try to solve the example without looking. The voice interrupted her concentration and she was stunned to see the beautiful guy before her. “Hi,” she cleared her throat. She glanced around the dining hall quickly and noted all the girls staring at the pair. She knew what they were thinking: no way this gorgeous guy was interested in this plain girl. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. His back pack was slung over one shoulder and he tilted his head to one side looking at her.

“Erm…you’re in my physics class; m’Harry,” he said. He didn’t need to say it. She already knew that. It’s not like she hadn’t specifically chosen the seat at the front of the room so she couldn’t look at him all class. She had a degree to earn and Harry would make it impossible if she sat anywhere that had a view of him and his beautiful face. “M’really not very good,” he said with a breathy chuckle. “Are y’working on the homework right now?”

She cleared her throat again shyly. He was very cute. Too cute. That’s why everyone was still staring at them. There was no reason he should be talking to her. His smile was so crooked and his eyes were too green. It melted her. “Uh…yeah,” she said.

He was gonna ask for her take home quiz answers. She was sure of it. That was the only reason someone as cute as Harry would talk to her. “S’jus…you know the answer to all the questions in class…professor says I won’t pass if I don’t do well on the next test and the final…” he explained and he looked at his feet in embarrassment. “D’ya have time to tutor me? Or help me with the homework?” He asked shyly. “M’mum will kill me if I have to retake physics…again.”

She blinked. “Oh…Um…”

“It wouldn’t be for free!” He hurries to say. He was desperate for help. “Mum told me to find someone in the class or she’d find someone f’me,” he rolled his eyes. “She takes m’education very seriously. I feel bad for her because I’m just s’bad with physics,” he explained. He looked at the brilliant girl who’s pencil was still poised on the notebook and her other finger pointing to the problem she copied down from the book. Her whole notebook was a string of gibberish and Harry’s not certain even she, who he has deemed the smartest girl he’s ever met, can save him.

“I can help,” she says quietly. Her voice is so soft and Harry remembers back in the third week of the class when she was asked to explain a problem on the board. It’s the only one he got right on the exam and he’s so hopeful she’ll be his saving grace this semester. Her voice was downright melodic when she was explaining. He was hypnotized. She looked righty at home up at the board. Everyone could have cared less about her mini lecture. It was just Harry and the professor staring at her in awe at her perfect explanation.

“Really?!” His heart soared. She could hear the relief in his voice. “You’re an angel. Thank you!” He was smiling so brightly. He felt like he had won the lottery. “Erm…m’gonna go call m’mum. Will y’be here for a little while longer?”

“Y-yeah,” she stammered.

“Good, great!” His smile was sparkling. “I’ll…be right back,” he said and made his way outside the hall his phone already pressed to his ear.

She wondered how on earth she was supposed to tutor the cutest guy she’s ever seen in her life while all she could think about was how pink his lips were.

[seijorhi]

Reminiscent

i’m (semi) back, y’all, and i come bearing a fic!! fhdjhfjdk it’s for oikawa i won’t apologise

Oikawa Tooru x female reader

TW non-con, drunk/drugged reader, forced infidelity, emotional manipulation, angst, past trauma, coercion, mild(ish?) smut, nsfw

“F-fuck, cutie! Just like – hah– just like that!”

You weren’t the clubbing type.

Not usually, at least – but exams were over and one of your friends was fresh off a bad breakup, one night letting loose wouldn’t hurt.

Walking is… difficult, your steps are sloppy – there’s an arm wrapped around your waist, your own slung over a stranger’s shoulders. Why are you outside? Where are your friends – they… they promised they wouldn’t leave you. 

“She good, dude?”

A soft, pretty laugh rumbles at your side, “Yeah, she’s gonna be just fine.”

And you remember the bar, the overpriced cocktails and the saccharine sweetness of strawberry liquor on your tongue. The dizzying lights and the bass that thumped so loudly you felt it reverberate in your chest. You knew the rules; they’d been drilled into you since you were sixteen years old.

Stick together, don’t accept drinks from strangers, and watch the one in your hand like a hawk - it doesn’t leave your sight.

A tongue between the valley of your breasts, long fingers curling up inside of you. 

“You like that, huh pretty girl? You gonna cum for me?”

They wouldn’t have just abandoned you, right? Maybe you told them to go. Maybe they thought you wanted it; to go home with the handsome stranger.

You never had the guts to ask them, never spoke about that night again. Not to anyone.

Pain. Something thrusting inside of you, splitting you open while he moans and pants atop you. It hurts so much and you want it to stop. 

Please stop. Please. Please. Please.

You’re begging, at least you think you are, but the words come out jumbled and wrong, and he just laughs, hiking up your thigh so he can fuck you deeper.

Why won’t he stop?

When you wake up, bruised and sore and all alone in your bed, it feels like a bad dream. You know it’s not – not with cum still seeping from between your thighs, the scent of the stranger’s cologne clinging to your sheets.

And you scrub your skin raw in the shower, but it isn’t enough to rid you of his touch.

—

It’s nothing like what they show on tv.

There’s no sympathetic detective to pat you on your shoulder while you break down, swearing that they’ll find the man who did this and you’ll get your justice.

You don’t go to the cops because you’ll know what they’ll say. You were drunk, drugged, and even if you could remember what he looked like (his eyes were brown, you think, and there’s a flash of a smirk in your head but the moment you try to focus on it it slips away like smoke) any evidence of rape washed down the drain the moment you stepped into the steaming shower.

At least… that’s what you tell yourself. It’s easier than admitting you’re terrified of judgemental eyes. 

Or worse; pitying ones.

So you pretend that nothing happened. You show up to your classes and throw yourself into studying, make the time to get coffee with your friends, you even pick up a part time job – it’s good to keep busy. 

The nightmares are just that; nightmares.

And things are fine, until they’re not.

—

“Baby, you’re here!!”

There’s barely time to drop your bags before she’s pulling you into a warm hug. “Hi mom,” you reply, squeezing her back.

When she draws back to take you in, one hand cupping your cheek, she frowns, “You look tired sweetheart. Have you been sleeping enough?”

“Yeah, just tired from exams and stuff.”

She looks unconvinced, but mercifully doesn’t push the issue. Of course, you don’t tell her that you missed your last two exams because you’d walked past some guy wearing that same cologne and just choked – that instead of finishing off your semester strong, you’d spent the day alternating between throwing up and crying in bed.

She doesn’t need to know that, because of that, you’ll probably fail both classes and have to retake them again next semester on top of an already full course load. It’s fine; you’ll figure it out.

For now, you work on matching her enthusiasm at having you home, grabbing your bags to bring them inside and into your old room.

“Oh, wait–”

Abruptly, you pause, gazing in confusion from the doorway of your bedroom. There’s a duffle bag lying open and empty atop your bed, a tangled jump rope, some weights, an empty bottle, a sweat towel – even what looks like a spare workout tee scattered haphazardly across the sheets.

“… I didn’t take you for a gym junkie, mom.”

She stops behind you, sighing. “It’s not mine it’s– Tooru said he was going to tidy it up, sorry sweetheart.” She sweeps past you to start tidying it up, but not before you catch sight of her wide eyed, deer in headlights expression.

And you can’t help the lone eyebrow that rises, falling back against the doorframe, arms folding across your chest. “Tooru, huh?” you grin, “And who might Tooru be?”

The flustered, almost guilty look she sends you makes you want to laugh – this is easy, comfortable, this you can do – but you restrain yourself. Just. “Tooru is… he’s– well, he’s the man I’m… seeing.”

She admits it like she’s confessing to a crime, eyes all wide and nervous; anticipating your reaction. And you suppose it’s not unwarranted. As far as you’re aware, she’s been alone ever since the day your dad walked out on you both – raising you was always the priority, or maybe the excuse. But you’re not fourteen anymore, you don’t need another father figure or every spare bit of her time and attention, and she doesn’t need your approval for this.

So you smile at her, “Is he nice?”

She lights up, her features – almost a mirror image of your own – softening as she beams, “He’s amazing, honey. I honestly don’t know how this whole thing really happened, or why he’s even interested in someone like me but… I lucked out with him.”

And so it goes, you prying little bits of information about the mysterious Tooru as the afternoon passes.

She tells you that they met a few months back, at the bakery she likes in town – and how she kept running into him; at the grocery store, and then at the park, and then on her way back from yoga that one night.

She tells you that he’s a terrible flirt, all smooth and charming with warm, pretty brown eyes, but he’s a good man beneath it all and she’s never met anyone like him. 

It strikes you, as you watch your mom animatedly talk about him, that you’ve never seen her look like this before. 

Happy. 

She can’t stop smiling, and when you look at her, really look, she’s almost a different person – younger somehow, a bit more care-free. It suits her, and you wonder with a slight pang in your heart how you never noticed how lonely she was before.

And she’s adamant that they’re taking things slowly, that he still has an apartment of his own in town – which to be honest, you really aren’t gonna judge her on either way – but it is kind of funny simply because whether your mom realises it or not, it’s clearly a lie.

The subtle reclaiming of your bedroom aside, there’s traces of Tooru scattered all around the house; the extra toothbrush and aftershave you’d spotted in the bathroom, the men’s  shoes and the jacket by the door, red wine in the cupboard when your mom’s only ever indulged in white.

You haven’t been into her bedroom, but at this point you’d hazard a guess that there’s at least one drawer full of Tooru’s clothes, probably half her closet cleared out for him as well.

“He’s coming for dinner, but I just wanted today to be just us,” she says, reaching across the couch to squeeze your hand. And you’re grateful for it, because you’re happy for her – you are – but you’re not so sure how you would’ve handled meeting the stranger holding your mother’s heart first thing. At least, not after the last few days.

Not when you still feel all… brittle. 

—

Tooru arrives a little after seven, and to say that he’s not entirely what you were expecting is kind of an understatement. 

She’d gushed about how tall and handsome he is – though personally, you think pretty’s the more accurate word, what with his soft, delicate features, perfect cupid’s bow lips and all. What she’d neglected to tell you was that the man in question, stepping through the front door with a faint smile on his face, has to be at least ten years younger than her, mid-thirties at most.

Suddenly, your mom’s initial reluctance to bring him up starts to make sense.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” he murmurs, stopping by your mom to drop a fleeting kiss to her cheek before warm brown eyes turn to you. 

Your heart stutters.

“Sweetheart,” your mom begins, slipping an arm around his waist and relaxing into his side, “this is Tooru– Oikawa,” she corrects herself.

He smiles at you, friendly and charming, “It’s great to finally meet you, your mom’s told me so much – all good things, of course!”

You force yourself to smile in return, “Yeah, you too.” 

There’s nothing overtly wrong with Oikawa, age difference aside – your mom’s clearly head over heels in love with the guy and on a surface level he seems nice enough, but you find yourself glad for the fact that he doesn’t make a move to step closer, try to shake your hand or god forbid hug you or something like that.

He’s nothing but a gentleman as your mom steps back into the kitchen to finish off dinner, setting the table without being prompted, pouring a glass of wine for your mom and one for himself before he offers a glass to you. 

“Oh, no I’m alright, thanks.”

You don’t drink so much anymore. He shrugs, like it’s no big deal but your mom pouts at you from the kitchen. “C’mon, sweetie. We’re celebrating tonight! One drink won’t hurt.”

“We’re celebrating?” you ask.

She throws you a wink, gaze softening as she turns to glance at Oikawa, already diligently pouring you a glass, “Of course we are. It’s not every day my girl comes home, and it’s nice having you both here with me.”

Oikawa’s fingers brush against yours for a fleeting second as he passes you the glass, and you have to fight to keep yourself from ripping your hand away. It’s nothing, you just– you’re not good with strangers touching you, and as nice as he is and as much as your mom might be infatuated with him, he is still a stranger.

“Absolutely,” he agrees, a playful twinkle in his eye as he clinks his wine glass against yours. “So you’re at uni, right? What are you studying?”

Uni’s the last thing you want to be thinking about right now, but whether or not Oikawa genuinely cares, he’s obviously trying to make an effort to get to know you. For your mother’s sake, grinning innocuously in the kitchen as she adds the last little touches to dinner, you suck it up, plaster a smile across your face and ignore the twinge of discomfort in your gut.

You can handle one night of small talk.

—

You wake the following morning to the sound of voices carrying down the hall.  

Not your mother’s – both are too deep, and your mom left a few hours ago for work. Figuring that one of them at least is likely Oikawa, you pull on a thin, satin robe over your pajamas, tying the sash in a loose knot before you slip from the room.

Those suspicions are proven correct; you round the corner to find Oikawa sitting up at the kitchen counter, a warm cup of coffee in his hand. There’s another man, a touch shorter, but imposing with dark, spiky hair and olive green eyes standing on the other side, hands braced on the marble top, glaring at Oikawa.

They both look up at the sound of your hesitant approach, the stranger abruptly straightening up, while Oikawa merely grins.

“Ah, you’re up,” he observes cheerfully, taking a sip of his coffee.

Your eyes flicker between him and the stranger – clearly comfortable enough in your home and with Oikawa, despite the faint, lingering irritation still visible on his face – and as your cheeks warm, you find yourself wishing you’d put actual clothes on before coming out to investigate.

“I- I heard voices…” you trail off, awkwardly folding your arms over your chest. “Is mom–”

“At work,” he supplies. “Do you want some breakfast? Coffee, maybe?”

You risk another glance at the other man, watching you now with an unreadable expression, dark eyebrows furrowed. You swallow uncomfortably, shifting slightly as you shake your head. “No, I-I’m okay.”

And in an instant, a flash, something like recognition passes through those olive eyes. 

 Oikawa chuckles smoothly, finally tearing his eyes away from you to address his friend, “Iwa, stop being so rude. You’re scaring the poor thing.”

The stranger, Iwa, just scoffs. “You’re a real piece of shit, y’know?”

If he’s bothered by the scathing insult, Oikawa doesn’t show it, merely shrugging before turning his attention back to you with a smirk. “Ignore him, he’s just pissy this morning.”

You’d have to be a complete idiot not to sense the uncomfortable tension between the two of them – and now you. This is your home, but it feels like you’re intruding, like you’ve stumbled into a conversation you have no business hearing, but even if you wanted to leave your feet are rooted to the ground. 

“Besides,” Oikawa continues, “he was just leaving anyway, weren’t you, Iwa?” It’s almost a purr, the way he speaks, but even the silken words can’t entirely mask the razor sharpness that lies beneath. 

Goosebumps prickle along your arms.

Staring at you, Iwa opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but seemingly thinks better of it, snapping it shut with an audible click. He huffs, shaking his head. “Yeah, fine, whatever.”

He spares you another glance on his way out, standing frozen by the hall. For a split second he slows, his scowl softening just a fraction–

“Iwa.”

It sounds like a warning, but he only rolls his eyes and huffs again. You think he’s going to walk out without another word to either of you, but he pauses once more, lingering by the entryway.

“You look a lot like your mother, anyone ever tell you that?”

He’s out the door before you can even think to reply, letting it slam shut in his wake. And you flinch at the harsh sound, something uneasy settling into the pit of your stomach–

“Hey,” Oikawa’s there by your side, his fingers entwining with yours. You hadn’t even heard him move. “Come sit, don’t worry about Iwa. He’ll get over it.”

His voice is soothing, you don’t pay attention to the words themselves, the implications there. You forget for a moment that you’re still in your pj’s, that you really don’t know him that well either, and mindlessly follow when he leads you to the couch and sits you down, taking the seat next to you.

And while your head’s still spinning, an uncomfortable feeling gnawing in the pit of your gut, Oikawa seems entirely unbothered by the turn of events, sighing contentedly as he stretches his long legs out, one arm sliding along the back of the couch behind you.

“Do your… friends usually just drop by like that?”

You don’t know where the words come from, or why that’s the first question on your mind, but when you glance over at him, Oikawa’s just watching you, an odd little half smirk playing on his lips. “Sometimes.”

His answer does little to soothe your unease. It’s really not a big deal, you know it’s not. Officially or not, this is his home too – you’re the one out of place. And if he wants to have people over when your mom’s not around, that’s fine, he can do whatever the hell he wants, but… 

You came home for peace. To hide away for a few days and pretend that everything’s just fine and you’re not one breakdown away from shattering entirely. You wanted your mom and the comfort of your old bedroom and safety and it’s fine – great, even – that she’s found somebody who makes her happy, but this– him and the weirdness with his friend and everything is just too much, and–

You don’t realise that your leg’s bouncing until Oikawa’s hand comes to rest on your bare thigh. It’s enough to make your stomach flip, an icy chill trickling down your spine as his thumb slowly strokes across the soft, plush skin. “Relax, cutie,” he coos, chuckling softly when you visibly flinch and squeeze your eyes shut.

“P-please don’t call me that,” you choke out, fighting against the wave of nausea rising up your throat. And it’s just like last time, his cologne, notes of vanilla and cedar and spice, swirling thick and heady around you. That phantom touch, the warmth of hands gripping too tight, unwanted kisses hot and eager against your skin. 

“No?” he asks, cruel amusement dripping from his tone. “Why not? I think it suits you, cutie.”

You want him to stop, to push him away, slap him – do anything really, but you’re frozen in place, shaking as the memories you’ve fought so hard to shove down come bubbling back to the surface. You can’t think straight, not with his hand sliding between your thighs, the warmth of his body pressing too closely against yours.

“Iwa was right, you know,” Oikawa murmurs, smoldering brown eyes drinking you in as you childishly shake your head, willing him away. His other hand catches your cheek, drawing your face back to him as tears well in your eyes, stubbornly clinging to your lashes. “She does look so much like you, the same eyes even.” 

He whispers it like a secret, nuzzling his nose against yours like a lover would as he sighs sweetly, “It’s the only reason I could stand it.”

And then he’s kissing you, the tenderness of his lips belied by iron fingers digging into your jaw when you whimper and try to wrench yourself free. 

It’s not like the nightmares that startle you awake in the middle of the night, gasping for air; hazy, broken recollections that fade the moment you try to reach for them. No, every touch, every moment of his assault passes in stark clarity.

The feel of Oikawa’s mouth as it trails greedily down your neck, his hand sliding under the cotton of your sleep shorts, even his pleased little hum when he realises you’re not wearing panties. “Such a good girl for me. Fuck, I’ve missed this.”

This time there’s no drugs in your system keeping you pliant and helpless, but that doesn’t make a difference. Not when his words echo in your head, playing again and again until every awful, sickening piece falls into place.

Long, nimble fingers stroke at your folds, and you can’t help the shivery gasp that leaves you when the tip of his middle finger sweeps over your clit. 

“Please– please don’t do this,” you sniffle.

Oikawa presses another fleeting kiss to your shoulder, “Shh, none of that. Let me help you, baby.”

“N-no, I don’t, I don’t– Stop!”

Knocking away the hands that try to push him back, he hooks his fingers over the hem of your shorts and slides them down your legs, your pitifully weak struggles only making things easier for him. It’s only when Oikawa reaches for his own zipper that panic truly strikes home.

You can’t just lie here and let this happen again. You won’t.

And like a switch flipped, you start to trash like a wild thing beneath him, the scream you’ve kept buried inside of you for months ripping itself free from your throat–

Only for the fingers that had been toying with your pussy to be shoved down your throat, cutting you off with a choked gurgle. As you gag, fruitlessly try to tug yourself free, Oikawa leans in nice and close – except this time there’s no gentleness to his expression, nothing but viciousness as he grins and bares his teeth. 

“You wanna yell, pretty girl? Want the neighbours to come running, let them see me fuck you?” He grinds his hips against you, his breath shivery as he pants at the friction of his half hard cock against your side. Nausea twists at your gut, acrid and bitter – you want to be sick, to cry and beg with him to stop but with his fingers still stuffed in your mouth, his thumb digging into the soft underside of your jaw all you can manage is an unintelligible whine. He hums, kissing away the single hot tear that spills down your cheek, “You think if you cry loudly enough, mommy’ll come home and save you?”

And it’s like time stands still as he laughs, cruel eyes glinting when he presses down on your tongue, warm saliva pooling around his digits. “Such a little whore, trying to seduce her poor, innocent boyfriend the very moment her back’s turned. Tell me, cutie,” he coos, “who do you think she’d believe?”

Your breath hitches, another sob catching in your throat – even if you wanted to answer, you can’t and he knows it. “She’s in love with me, you know. It’s almost a little pathetic how easy it was to manipulate her into bed – so lonely… desperate for love, for somebody – anybody – to pay attention to her, take care of her,” he sneers, distaste curling at his lips. “Wouldn’t it just break her fragile little heart to know she’s fallen for the man who raped her baby girl?”

Another garbled cry slips past his fingers and you can only watch in frozen horror as his other hand drifts back to his zipper. “You want to protect her, don’t you?”

His grip relents just enough for you to jerk a shaky nod.

“Pretty girl, so good for me.” Another kiss pressed to your cheek as the quiet hiss of his zipper fills the air around you. “It’ll be our little secret, hmm? She doesn’t need to know just yet, let her be happy a little while longer…”

Sliding down his briefs just far enough for his cock to spring free, he strokes it for a moment with slow, leisurely movements, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he watches your eyes widen. 

And when he pulls you forward, guides your mouth towards it, pre-cum beading at the tip, withdrawing his fingers so you can quickly gasp for air, you just… let him.

The fight’s gone, as quickly as it had come. 

You let his fingers curl through your hair, use it as an anchor when your lips part to force his cock between them. And he moans, low and shivery as your tongue slides along the underside of his shaft and you try not to gag around the sudden intrusion. 

You think that there’s no room left inside of you for shame, but as his other hand creeps back between your legs, teasing at your cunt, you burn with it, clinging to the pyre of your own humiliation and disgust.

And still, you kneel on the couch, letting him fuck your mouth, letting those long, pretty fingers curl up inside of you – moaning around his cock when they stroke that perfect little spot.

“I wanted to – shit – take this slow,” he tells you as his hips jerk upwards, shuddering in breathless delight when his cock hits the back of your throat and it convulses around him. “I wanted to make you want me.”

Wet, messy, gags sound with every unwitting thrust – you’ve no choice but to swallow him down, let him fuck your throat like you’re nothing more than a toy for his pleasure. There’s saliva coating your chin, dripping down the length of his dick, pooling around his balls. You can barely breathe, a task made even harder when Oikawa decides to add his thumb into the mix, teasing your clit while he fucks you apart on his fingers.

It feels so fucking good, and you’ve never hated yourself more.

Your throat burns, hot tears stinging in the corners of your eyes, and yet he’s intent on driving you to the brink of your sanity with every calculated flick of his wrist. Something tightens in your belly, a spring coiled too tight, ready to snap, and you can’t help it when your hips chase his fingers, the needy, shameful little whimpers that leave your lips (still wrapped around his thick, twitching cock) as you search for the pleasure to temper the discomfort.

“You don’t have a clue what you do to me, do you? I could barely sleep last night–” 

You choke back a moan, your pussy clenching around his digits, sucking them deeper as white spots pepper your vision and you shudder out a moan.

“So pretty when you cum for me,” he pants, but you don’t care – can’t, not when you’re riding his fingers, tongue lolling out as he gives you a moment’s reprieve to bask in the rippling afterglow of your orgasm before everything comes crashing back down around you. 

Oikawa lets you fall back against the cushions, breathless, trembling and dazed. You’re not stupid enough to believe that’s the end of it, not when his cock’s still hard, throbbing against his toned stomach when he gives it a slow, cursory pump.

“Lie back, cutie,” he whispers, keeping his eyes fixed on you as he pushes himself up off the couch to shed the rest of his clothes.

And as you shuffle obediently downwards, heart hammering in your chest, you find you can’t tear your eyes away from him either.

Tall and handsome, she’d said, but the words truly don’t do him justice. A body corded with lean, powerful muscle, golden, sun-kissed skin, a light smattering of dark hair trailing from his navel down past the well defined V of his hips… 

“See something you like?” he teases, smirking when you squeak and childishly jerk your face away, cheeks burning. “It’s okay to look, you know. I don’t mind the attention.”

It feels too soft, too intimate for what this is. 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. He’s not supposed to be attractive, or to make you enjoy your own assault, and you– you’re supposed to fight it, fight him instead of just lying there and taking it… 

But when he climbs back onto the couch, easing your still trembling thighs apart to settle himself between them, his touch is nothing short of reverent, dark eyes wide and adoring as you squirm uneasily beneath him. 

With one hand braced on the cushion beside you, his cock resting just above your aching sex, he leans forward, easing your top up past your tits. “Perfect,” he murmurs.

And it’s enough to make a fresh bout of humiliated tears spring to your eyes. Your hands curl into useless fists at your side as he settles back onto his knees and takes his cock in hand, hissing in pleasure when he glides the flushed, leaking head along your slick folds.

“Fuck, cutie. I don’t think I’m gonna last,” he laughs, biting down on his bottom lip as he watches hot, fat tears slip down your cheeks. With an agonisingly slow pace, Oikawa lines himself up with your cunt and presses in – even with how wet you are, one orgasm already wrung from you, the stretch burns and you can’t stop the choked gasp that leaves you.

His eyes flutter shut, head thrown back back as inch by inch his cock sinks into your pussy until finally he bottoms out with a satisfied groan. “Perfect for me, so fucking good,” he pants, and you barely have time to drag in a breath before his hips are drawing back, another desperate, strangled mewl escaping you.

Bruising fingers dig into your waist, Oikawa cursing as your plush little cunt flutters maddeningly around him– before he eagerly slams his cock forward, stuffing you full once more.

And as you sob and whimper between every wet, obscene squelch of his dick fucking into your soaked pussy, that all too familiar, shameful heat begins to pool in your core.

“Gonna cum for me again, cutie?”

[digital1yn]

Tutor

–

characters : Megumi Fushiguro x Reader

desc : You’re failing your class but a certain boy makes everything better

cw : fluff

m a s t e r l i s t

—

3 : 1 5. You stayed behind in class trying to figure out the last question on the stupid exit sheet. Maybe if you weren’t absent these past two days you would have answered the question with ease, but that clearly wasn’t the case.

“Y/L? If you aren’t able to pass this upcoming exam, I think I need to assign a tutor for you.” Your teacher sighed, “I was hoping that you would pull through without any help but it seems to me that you really need help.” Looking down at the list of tutors as he read one name hoping he might work a miracle to help you pass.

“Oh, are my grades that bad?” You asked a bit embarrassed. To be honest, you haven't checked in with your counselor these past few months. “They could be better but like I said I can assign you a tutor and if you retake a few quizzes and study for the exam you might pass.” He explained again with a little to no hope in his eyes.

You slowly nodded in agreement because who were you kidding this school year was not it. You looked back down to the unfinished paper in front of you. Exhaling you closed your eyes debating to tell your teacher that you give up and to just mark it unfinished. Upon struggling, you didn’t notice that a particular boy came in.

“Ah, Fushiguro, the books are over there. Just take one and make sure to sign your name on the log.” Megumi Fushiguro You blushed at the name. Not moving your head up to look at the boy, you sensed that he was coming your way to getting the books behind on the shelves. You couldn’t lie, you knew that this crush was only a hallway crush and that he probably doesn’t know who you are but besides that, you always dreamed of dating him. You heard a few rumors that he was voted the most romantic boy even though he never dated anyone in the school.

Before your mind drifted further about him, your teacher cleared his throat, “Well since the both of you are here, Fushiguro I saw that you were on the tutor list and well Ms. Y/L could really use some help to pass this class or perhaps your sister-.” You quickly looked up at your teacher with crazy eyes hoping he was only joking. “Sure,” You hear from behind you.

Still looking at your teacher with mad eyes, you felt his body moves next to you but he was still looking at your teacher. “We can start on Friday after school. I usually help students from 3-5 at the library” He said quickly but sternly. “Well L/N is this fine with you?” Your teacher asked, and as soon as he finished the question you nod your head faster than before. “Great it’s all settled!” he said clapping his hands looking back down at his desk.

You realized that nodding your head like that either made you look stupid or desperate, maybe both. As you tightened the grip on your pencil you noticed Megumi had changed his position to meet your level. “The answer is C, if you read the question a bit closer you can see they already provided the equation just add those two then find the square root.” He said a bit softly so that the teacher wouldn’t notice.

Quickly doing as he told you, you jot down the work so you could at least get some points from this paper. Once you finished you stood up with a smile ready to thank Megumi only to see that he had disappeared. Losing the smile, you walked to your teacher and handed the sheet in. As he looked at it, you already could tell that most were wrong but he told you that it was good enough and that you can go home.

—

The past few days were rough. Megumi takes tutoring way too seriously than needed. You truly didn’t mind it though. The more you stayed after school with him, you have noticed more things about him than just stalking him around the halls. You weren’t going to lie to yourself, there were moments when you just wanted to make a move and kiss him because he made it seem like he was interested in you too.

It’s about 4:00 pm and you two were still at the library. Megumi asked the Gojo if you two can stay a bit late since you needed the extra help. “Do you even know how to read?” He asked with concern in his eyes. Frustrated, he thought that you would already understand the equation even after the little corrections on your papers and notes. He sighs and sets his pen down looking away from you.

You looked down at your thighs and you fidget with your hands. You kept trying to find ways to apologize to him for being so dumb but the words did not form in your head. Quite honestly you felt bad because you have been studying and looking over your notes. You kept fidgeting with your hands, loudly cracking your knuckles. Megumi quickly caught on to the fact that he made you anxious.

Right before you cracked your pinky Megumi grabbed your hand and slightly squeezed it. Looking up at him, his face was unreadable. “You might wanna stop before your fingers fall off” He whispered still holding your hand. “Look Megumi, I’m sorry I’m not at the level of expertise that I need to be. And before you get mad-” “The library will be closing in 10 minutes. Please gather your stuff and head to the exit.” Shaking your head in defeat, you stood up and packed your things quickly.

Debating if he should, Megumi joined you as he also packed his stuff, but seeing as you were about to leave he quickly threw his stuff in his bag not caring if it was messy at this point. Trying to catch up with you, he could tell that you were upset but he didn’t want you to be alone while walking home.

Rushing out, you felt like a complete mess. Exams were coming up fast, all your teachers were rushing you, weekly meetings with your counselor, the one guy that makes everything feel better is probably thinking so many bad things about you, your head was a jungle. Stepping outside the library, you came to a halt when the distance yelling of Megumi calling your name rang in your ears.

“Y/N, please slow down.” He huffed, the library door closed behind him signaling that it was only you the two of you. “Look, I don't need you to remind me that I’m stupid, okay? It hurts coming from everyone and I’m pretty sure it will hurt even more from you.” You cried out. Megumi didn’t know how to react, you felt the same way as him? Before you were able to walk away again, he grabbed your wrist and make you face him, seeing as you were looking down he couldn’t read your expression.

“Look at me. Please look at me, you’re not stupid. I know that. Don’t think low about yourself okay?” Megumi spoke. He brought his hand near your chin lifting your head up his eyes met yours. Pulling your face closer to his lips landed on yous. Eyes closed, the kiss was pure, the warmth of his lips spread through yours. Your head was going through it all. You never would have thought that Megumi Fushiguro would be the one kissing you.

Separating, you both huffed out a breath of air. Looking at the eyes of each other you both stepped away from each other blushing from embarrassment. “Date me,” “what?” “I like you and you like me. Let's be together without the reason of studying so date me.” Megumi smirked. “Okay, Let’s date.” you pecked him on the lips and smiled back.

Right as you were about to hug him, a car speeded to the side of the building. Three long honks came from the car, “OI, MEGUMI you two hurry up and get in. I have a date with a special lady and you two might just get the worst of me if I’m late” Gojo shouted as he honked longer. Chuckling you both rushed to the car.

—

10:30 ; i’m sorry for being inactive !! school has been a pain. BUT i wrote this for a certain someone and i’m pretty sure she is aware :3 i’m not a very romance writer BUT i kinda like this one though i rushed it. i also added my little headcanon that Gojo tried dating when megumi was younger but he just gave up bc he “didn’t have time” lol. Ty for reading <3

lynnie.