#so many fics need an update its unreal

[bittersqxtch]

drop this sunflower 🌻 into the inboxes of the blogs that make you happy! lets spread a little sunshine ☀️💙

i miss you sooo much, now that the penthouse in on my country Netflix, i can see the scenarios of your the penthouse fic.

OMG MY PENTHOUSE FIC-

I feel like a mother who forgot their child at the store ㅠㅠ I need to go back and take care of that story because I miss it so much now that you've reminded me!!

tbh these past few months haven't been great for writing which is why I was absent from here and wattpad, but since things are more or less normalising now I'm gonna slowly get back into it and hopefully (🤞) update something soon.

[lbxbx]

Cockpit 12 | knj

Pair: Namjoon x reader

Summary: Namjoon goes through a rough time while getting a divorce, meeting you at the club two weeks in a row when attraction becomes unreal.

Rating: +18 mature content, Smut, divorce, fatherhood, major toxic behavior, fluff.

taglist: @wecanpretendit | @whoisbts | @yoonjinsrkive | @my-current-mood-is | @joonzseoulmate | @parkinglot-nights | @missbangtangirl | @m00njinnie | @mantaecrolss | @busanbby-jjk | @bangtanxmegan | @nochelunaxx | @certified-lana-del-rey-lover

a/n: This is a subtle ending and tbh was a little hard for to actually mold up, there can't be a happy ending 100% and ya'll know that. i strongly believe that there are many drabbles that might come up that may show you different scenarios for this fic and possibly another end. Ily guys and i love cockpit that introduced me to so many of you guys <3 ps i hope i didn't disappoint with this update because i think i slightly did.

Previous | End.

It’s a cold cloudy day as the winter has already made its way finally, It was your favorite season throughout the entire year, and it’s usually the season you and your friends decide on doing outdoor activities, and of course it’s the holiday season where you actually how so many days off. You just got off your morning shift and picked up Hoseok from his office, his car is in maintenance and you need to get groceries for the week, so you offered to drive him and in return he’ll help you with groceries.

The windows are open in the car, he’s on his phone scrolling and you’re tapping on the steering wheel with your leg on the gas pedal, singing along whole heartedly to the song you started in your car.

I fantasize about it all the time, if you were mine.

I’d give this pussy to you, nine to five, five to nine.

Trying to behave but I’m feeling some type of way.

Even dancing to it, with one hand on the steering wheel now, Hoseok first seems unbothered, he’s used to you being like this, he’s too focused on his phone. But then it hits him and he stares at you suspiciously, and of course you’re too occupied on the song, but then he shuts off the stereo which leaves you singing awkwardly with your not so acceptable voice.

“Why would you do that?” You whine, you can’t look at him your eyes are on the road, but you feel his eyes on the side of you face. “What’s the matter?”

“With what?” You try to take a quick glance at him when he’s smirking. “How are things with Namjoon?”

“Oh, I kind of.. met his ex wife when I was staying there a while ago.”

“How did it go?”

You look her in the eye with your chest heaving dramatically.

This was something you were anticipating long time ago, you wanted her to know everything. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Namjoon never felt this strong before, having you stand up for him even when he could stand up for himself the whole time. But still having you in front of her scratched an itch for him and he himself wanted this to happen too, he wanted her to see what he has in hand, and that even when she was after his money, he was after his freedom. She still didn’t get what she wanted but he did.

Everything is happening right in front of her own eyes, she clearly sees that her ex husband was actually cheating on her with someone.

Not anyone.

The doctor that she saw a couple of times one of them Namjoon was actually with her. She’s the woman that treated her own son long time ago, the woman who actually had the same perfume on that she smelled on her husband’s clothes so many times.

Gosh this was months ago, she feels betrayed more than she already is when she recalls that you pretended to help her with the fake medical report, you were actually defending him? This has to be serious between you and Namjoon then. Have you two been together for that long for you to actually help him?

She recalls the nights he stayed out, he must’ve been with you, the nights he went back home smelling like you, there were too many of them. It did make sense to her now.

And you finally get the chance to look her in the eye without having to hide and beat around the bush, the greediness inside you is increasing and you feel so desperate to show her that you stole her man.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, your arms crossed to your chest while you eye her from head to toe, she glances at Namjoon and looks back at you before laughing. “Oh so it was you.”

You mirror her laugh and nod your head. “It has been me all along.”

She takes a step closer to you and actually takes a sniff, before looking at Namjoon. “No one, and I mean no one, can stand tolerating you like I did, Namjoon.”

Of course you weren’t going to believe anything she’s saying.

“And you’ll realize the mistake you’re making, perhaps not now, but you will eventually.” She takes another step towards you.

Even when you’re fuming and you genuinely hate the woman, you masked it so well as you chuckle and click your tongue, shaking your head left and right. “Is that what being broke and pathetic feels like? I feel so bad for you.”

“I will give him to you, I just hope you like leftovers.” The answer was on the tip of her tongue. “Who knows, you might end up like me.”

“Oh honey trust me, you and I are not alike.” You eye her again from head to toe, a visible cringe on your face when you look into her face. “You and I are totally different, and I think you know that very well.”

Her face changes and she clears her throat, she even looks back at Namjoon behind you, hoping that he’ll say something and tame you, or do anything to just silence you, but it’s the exact opposite. He wraps an arm around you and walks into the bedroom before turning his head towards her. “Take your trash and leave, and next time if you want anything send someone else. This house isn’t yours to barge in.” And he slams the bedroom door shut and locks it with the key

Your eyes meet for a second before you pull him in for a kiss, your lips pressed against his and your arms wrapped around him. You tried to convince yourself that nothing is different but it actually is.

He tastes sweeter in your mouth and it feels so fucking good to have him for yourself. For the first time ever when you’re in bed with him you feel like that and it feels good. Your friends were right, it was totally worth the suffer.

“That’s all.” You finally park your car near the grocery shop, Hoseok takes a long breath and exhales. “Y/N, this shouldn’t have happened.”

“I don’t know what got into me, I just wanted her to know that he’s way better off without her.” You seriously have no idea where this toxic behavior is coming from, and what’s weirder is that you don’t regret thinking this way.

“Did he do anything?” Hoseok asks as you two get out of the car, he grabs a cart and starts pushing it inside, you’re a little distracted first when you see the advertisements for the products and the discounts around the place for the holiday season that’s coming up, the sound of background music mixed with kids running around, you’ve always enjoyed running errands and now you enjoy it more when you get to spend quality time with your best friend.

“Nope, it’s like he wanted this to happen too.” You grab the flyer. “Oh look, there’s a discount on short ribs.”

“You don’t eat short ribs.” He stops pushing the cart. “But you do, I’ll cook them for you.” You walk towards that aisle to put the short ribs into your cart.

“Someone is in a great mood today.” He chuckles and looks around the aisle for other kinds of meets. “Actually yeah, I’m supposed to meet his parents tonight for dinner.”

“Wow he must be pretty serious about you.” You hear a smirk on his face and when you look at him you find him in fact smirking. “Did you think he wasn’t?”

“No not at all.” He puts pork belly into the cart and continues pushing it. “I just didn’t see it happening so quickly.”

“Gosh, you have no idea how nervous I am about this.” Your hand sits onto your stomach. “I’ve been having nightmares.”

“Hey, you’re an incredible woman who usually leaves a great first impression—“ He doesn’t sound half convincing which makes you push him subtly. “Stop lying.”

“Okay, you don’t usually leave good first impressions, but hey does it matter?” He’s right.

Nothing’s going to change whether they like you or not, you and Namjoon want each other and that’s what matters. “Yeah, it doesn’t. But hey I still need to be careful.”

“Did you ask him about his folks?” He pushes the cart towards the produce aisle. “Yeah, multiple times, he said they were nice, but still they’re his parents, he can’t just tell me that they’re awful, right?”

“True.” You look around for grapes since it’s the season. “I wish I can cancel the whole thing, I’m not really good with strangers.”

“They’re not strangers they’re your in-laws.” He teases you which again makes you hit his shoulder. “Shut up.

“You know what, fuck it, just go, what’s the worst that could happen?” He says it so carelessly which makes you think you’re exaggerating, but you really weren’t.

You were standing in front of your full body mirror that holds so many memories for you now, zipping up your short burgundy dress. Honestly it was an entire debate for you whether you should choose this color or not, but the dress fitted you like a glove, respectful, yet revealing on some places and really flattering.

You grab your high heels and take a seat onto your bed to put them on. You needed the high heels because the man you’re going out with is tall and big, you need some height yourself.

You cannot deny your stomach was pinching you the entire time, you totally forgot that this moment had to come sometime you never even thought of it. Tonight was exceptionally cold but you were sweating. You weren’t anticipating this night what so ever.

Your door knocks a couple of times when you still had one of your heels on, so you get up on your feet and walk crookedly to your door to open it with the other pair of heels in your hand. “Hey big boy.” Your smile lingers on your face when you see him standing by your door wearing a casual suit, his long hair pushed back and smelling like a mix of his cologne and cigarettes, the smell you grew to love and find really warm.

“Look at you.” He takes a step inside your house and prints a soft kiss on your cheek. “You look incredible.”

“This is the dress I told you I was worried about.” You giggle and close the door. You were texting him the entire afternoon asking him what you should wear and he agreed with you on that burgundy dress.

He grabs your hand and twirls you once, his eyes scanning on your entire body and ass. “Baby you would look sexy in a potato sack.”

“Stop.” You hit his chest and let go of his hand. “Take a seat I’ll be ready in no time.” You point towards the living room with the hand that’s holding the shoe. He laughs and grabs the shoe away from you. “Let me help you with that.”

You both head to the living room and take a seat onto your couch, you put your leg up onto his lap and he helps you putting on your heels. “So..” You start talking, clearing your throat before you finish. “Any instructions? Should I be careful with anything?”

He rolls his eyes and looks at you. “Y/N, you don’t have to worry, they’re nice people I promise you’ll love them.”

“I’m not really good when it comes to meeting new people.” Your hand lands onto your stomach. “I wish I can back out.”

“Hey, they’re the ones who asked to see you in person, plus, I know they’ll like you too.” He shrugs, too occupied trying to figure out the straps on your heels. “You already met Jay and it wasn’t that bad, meeting my parents can’t be that bad too.”

He told his parents frankly that he was seeing someone, and they were really welcoming the idea generally, the entire story now makes sense to them and they can finally understand what their son went through and why he needs to be with you. Namjoon was absolutely glad that his parents were supporting his choices.

They’re flying over from Ilsan just to have dinner with you two, and you didn’t mind the idea generally and they must be really nice people, but you were simply not ready.

“Am I doing this right?” He asks, finally done with your heels, you nod your head and get up on your feet to tuck your dress down. “Thank you. What do you think?”

“Absolutely beautiful.” He flashes you a toothy smile, his dimple that makes your heart skip a beat digging onto his cheek. “Thank you, let’s get going.” You turn off the lights and make your way out with him to head towards the place he had reservations in.

The entire ride there your head was storming with every possible scenario, and no matter how hard Namjoon tried distracting you on your way there or comforting you, still, you just simply can’t relax.

You tried distracting yourself and actually googling topics the bring up during the dinner, but it wasn’t helping, your head was all over the place.

To them you’re probably the home wrecker that thanks to her their grandson will have to grow up with his parents separated. You’re the woman who accepted to be with a married man, which now you think was a little selfish, but you’ve grown to like the man.

The day you went back home with him after he got his divorce was when you actually felt your entire relationship with him suddenly grew tighter and stronger, you wanted to face his ex wife long time ago and what happened that night scratched an itch for you.

You snap out of your thoughts when he makes the last turn and parks his car in front of the restaurant, you take one last breath and unbuckle your seatbelt, you remember what Hob said and you hardly convinced yourself that no matter how tonight ends, nothing is going to change the fact that you want him and he wants you too.

He can’t help but to notice your legs shaking anxiously before you leave the car which immediately make him caress your knee and up your thigh. “Are you going to be okay?”

“It’s too late to ask that” You bite at him which makes him chuckle at you.

He feels a little guilty on the inside now, he would’ve never forced you on anything if he knew you’d be this anxious about meeting them. Even though he’s sure that there’s nothing to worry about, his parents are really nice. And to answer his question, You nod your head and he presses softly onto your knee. He’s here for you.

Your hand is locked in his, and the gentle squeeze of reassurance of his hand surrounds yours when you walk inside, slowly making your way to the reserved table that his parents are already seated on, a little younger than you thought they would be, and his mother who’s already in heels tip toes to wrap her arms around her son, pulling him in closer and kissing his cheek. “Gosh, I miss you so much.” She squeals.

“You must be Y/N.” His father stretches his hand out to shake yours, you force out a nervous smile and shake back his hand. “Mr. Kim, I’ve heard so much about you.” Well, you practically didn’t, but you were trying your best to break the ice.

“We’ve heard so much about you too.” He smiles back at you, at least his was genuine unlike yours. The dimples on his face were the ones that Namjoon and his son got. You shake his mother’s hand after she finally let go of her son, “Mrs. Kim, it’s good to see you.” And your eyes almost pop out of their sockets when she pulls you in for a hug and a little kiss on the cheek. You could swear you heard Namjoon giggling behind you.

“Please, just Soohyun.” She shrugs it off. “Take a seat.”

Namjoon’s behavior doesn’t get unnoticed by his parents of course, he’s whipped and they can easily admit that. He’s been married for three years and never has he ever pulled a chair for his wife for her to sit, the way he looked at you was totally different than the way he looked at his wife. He pulls you a chair to sit and helps you take off the little cardigan you put on, before getting you seated and pulling the chair next to you.

Of course they’re across the table from you two, but Namjoon’s hands were in yours the entire time, intertwined under the table, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand and gently caressing your fingers. It was so hard for you to focus when his parents were trying to get to know you more.

“So what do you do?” His father takes a sip of his wine, you straighten your back on your chair and tell him about your job briefly, which he and his wife admire. “Do you love your job?”

“Of course I do, I enjoy it so much.” You nod. “It gets tiring sometimes and my schedule is all over the place, but I love it.”

His mother’s eyes were on her son the entire time, a grin lingering on her face when she sees her son ready to devour you. His glances towards you were warm and loving, he even looks proud of you when you talk about how you have medical students being trained under you. “That’s incredible.” His father speaks, “My friend teaches at your hospital, I’m pretty sure you know him.” And he mentions his friend who actually taught you too, which makes you bond with his father in a snap of a finger.

“And when did you and Joonie meet? His schedule is all over the place too.” Soohyun leans her elbows on the table. “You must’ve met him back when he was still married.”

She clearly didn’t mean no harm, but you find it hard to swallow even though it’s true, and since your hand that’s holding onto Namjoon’s is sitting onto his leg, you can feel him nudge his mother with his leg which makes you force a laugh, “Yes, we met around six months ago.”

“Actually I came onto her.” Namjoon looks at you, his eyes traveling down to your lips and his hands gripping tighter to yours. “And I was unfair to her when I didn’t let her know about my situation.”

“Are you happy?” His mother asks, one hand on her chest and the other reaching to grab Namjoon’s. He smiles and nods his head. “I am. I really am.” Which makes her heart full, she’s really proud of her son that he managed to not only go through this on his own, yet he got back on his feet really fast and is currently happy being with someone else.

At this point you’re totally numb, you could easily fold at what he’s saying but you’re still stiff in your seat. The things you do for this man.

His mother again bonds with you in seconds when she brings up Namjoon’s embarrassing childhood which makes you laugh your heart out, she can easily tell that you’re nervous which makes her a little glad that you actually care what they think of you, which by the way they adore you.

The conversation was about to go downhill a couple of times when his mom mentioning that it’s so hard to raise your first child, she clearly said that you’ll understand what she’s talking about when you and Namjoon have kids. Namjoon was sulking in his seat totally embarrassed and you trying to avoid the topic with dumb ways.

-

“It was really nice to see you.” You shake their hands one last time before hugging your cardigan tighter around your chest, it was just starting to rain and the weather is starting to get really windy during the night time. “You two should totally come over to Ilsan this upcoming weekend, we have to show you around the town.” His father suggests, his relationship with Namjoon’s ex partner was really shallow and they barely spoke, he was generally excited to have you over and show you around their town after you two had mentioned something about the bike path around the lake park.

“Do you wanna go?” Namjoon puts one hand in his pocket and wraps the other one around you, you nod your head aggressively. “Absolutely, I would love to.”

“We’ll see you next weekend.” They finally bid their goodbyes and head back to their rented car, and you and Namjoon hit the road back to his place.  “So how was it?” He barely glances towards you when he’s driving. You lean your head back and sigh. “I need to lay down.”

Your social battery was running low, you spent the entire evening in an uncomfortable dress while having to keep talking, and sometimes even forcing out a laugh or anything. You couldn’t wait to go back home because you have a shift to cover the next morning. “I can’t think with this dress on, and I need to take my heels off like right now.”

“My place or yours?” He asks, and you answer right away. “Mine, I have to work tomorrow.”

As you two get into your place, you rush to take your heels off and run over to your bedroom, you plop down onto your bed face first and hug onto your pillows. “It feels good to be home.”

He laughs when he makes his way towards your bed and plop down on his back right next to you. “Are you okay?”

You nod and turn to face him. “Yeah, it was okay. Although I think we should’ve took things a tad slower.”

“Slower?” He sits on his elbows, his face tilted towards you, and you continue. “To them I’m still a stranger who’s going out with their son, and they probably think I was the reason you really got the divorce.”

“But you were.” He shrugs. Your eyes meet and right when you’re about to ask him to elaborate he continues. “Y/N, when I met you I realized that my life would be a waste of time if it wasn’t with you.”

“You’re overreacting.” You roll your eyes. “You got that from meeting me when I was drunk in a bar? Come on Joon.”

He nudges you with his elbow and chuckles. “I did. I went back home that night thinking about you. Maybe it was physical to begin with and maybe it was a little selfish to not let you know that I was involved in a relationship, deep down I missed the feeling of being loved and touched by someone who actually craves me and wants me for me. And you gave me everything I needed which made me hold on to you.”

You giggle and nudge him back. “It was a little selfish, but we need to stop bringing this up, it’s the past now.”

“You’re right. But you’re more than that to me, you’re incredibly beautiful and really smart, and not to sound so desperate but I want to be around you the entire time.” He whispers.

“I did get the divorce because I wanted you instead.” He inches closer to print the softest kiss to your forehead, you can’t remember if you were ever kissed there but it feels different on so many levels. It’s nothing like the kiss on the lips that you’re used to, and it’s totally different from the kisses and pecks you get on your cheeks from people around you.

It feels warmer and a lot more.. Loving.

Your eyes meets his, it feels like it’s your first time seeing this side from him and it probably is. He even smiles which makes you totally lost in his features, your stomach suddenly pinches you and is this what actual butterflies feel like?

Your face heats up and you clear your throat, your gaze never leaving his, he tucks your hair behind your ear and inches closer to press his lips against yours softly, printing the softest most loving kiss you’ve ever felt.

Forget the butterflies, is this what actual feelings feel like? It suddenly hits you, you’re not unsure anymore. You know exactly what you want with him.

“I really wanted this to be special, but I can’t hold it back any longer.” He covers his face and throws his head back onto your bed, laughing and curling in his spot. “Just say it Namjoon.” You laugh and hit his chest.

“I want you to be my girlfriend.” He finally gathers up enough courage to spit it out, which makes you laugh your heart out. “This is not middle school Joon. You’re thirty and I’m like twenty something.”

“Come on, just say yes.” He bites on his bottom lip, you decide on teasing him so you lean your chin onto your palm and hum. “Give me some time to think.” Of course you were going to say yes, but you enjoyed seeing him like this. “Make me say yes.”

He grabs your head closer to press his lips against yours, adrenaline rushes through both your bodies and you climb on top of him, leaning your body against his, his hands grab onto your hips before he fully wraps his arms around your waist to hug you towards him, his lips melting with yours into a deep kiss, his teeth grazing over your lower lip to bite into it softly and tugging it. “Alright.” You lean your forehead against his with your eyes half open.

His hands caress your cheeks and he pulls you in for a quick peck. “Is that a yes?” A grin fighting the urge to appear on his lips, you nod your head and nuzzle your nose against his. “Yes.”

-

“Oh, rest in peace to the Namjoon that escorted me to my seat.” You raise an eyebrow at him while taking a sip of your coffee. “Typical male behavior, you’re always too nice in the beginning—“

“I would kiss you to shut you up really, but I’m working.” He interrupts you.

It’s the weekend already and you two are finally flying to Ilsan to stay at his parents, he kept insisting that he wants to be alone and away and even tried to convince you to forget about Ilsan and fly to Jeju or something but of course you had to say no, you promised his parents after all. Although you felt bad for the man who’s been working nonstop this week, so this is like a little vacation for you two.

Of course he’s flying the plane and he gifted you your tickets, and of course you would agree, because come on.

Who wouldn’t fly for free?

You two are sitting near the gate and the cabin crew started boarding, and when he stands up and collects his phone and coffee you rolled your eyes, he once escorted you to your seat and now he’s going ahead of you.

“Even if you weren’t working, I wasn’t going to allow you to kiss me.” You shrug your shoulders carelessly, taking another sip of your coffee which makes him roll his eyes. “You’re so dramatic, come here.” He leans one of his palms against the coffee table and bends down to cup your cheek and kiss you on the lips. “I’ll see you on board baby, okay?”

“Fine.” The little smirk you were trying to hide finally shows on your face when your lip curves up a little.

Namjoon boards the plane, and not too long after you get on board and you finally get seated, you buckle up, put your important documents back in your bag and look through the window, the cabin crew serves you champagne which you are more than glad to have, you needed something to relax you since you were already nervous at the fact of having to not only meet his parents again, this time you’re staying with them for the whole weekend.

You took the champagne because you wouldn’t mind some pampering after all.

Namjoon makes his way out from the cockpit and makes small talk with the flight attendants, and damn it  you wish he didn’t look that good when he’s talking to other women.

You curse on the inside at the birth control you’re on because it makes you very hormonal, not in an emotional way, but in a physical way, your body is on fire the whole time. So when you see him in his uniform, his shirt so tight around his arm and his chest, his fingers go through his dark long hair before he looks around trying to locate you, and when your eyes meets he flashes you a smile that melts your heart in a second.

He makes his way towards you and leans down and puts his hands on your legs. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hey captain.” You play with the badges on his shoulder and lean forward. “You look like a snack.”

“A snack?” He teases and his eyes land on your lips, you nod and continue. “And I would love a snack right now.”

“Careful what you wish for baby.” He whispers and visibly swallows. “Just give me a sign and I will fuck you right here, and they can hear, or watch I don’t care.”

“Oh so it’s okay to fuck me on the plane, but it’s not okay to kiss me in the airport?” You scoff. “Captain, we’re ready for the takeoff announcement.” The flight attendant nudges his shoulder from behind and cuts through the sexual tension that was increasing by the second between the two of you, he stands up in front of you and your eyes level with his covered boner.

You could swear if passengers took their time and squint really hard they would notice.

He puts his hands in his pockets to loosen the tightness, and he can clearly see your eyes locked onto his erection. “It’s all for you.”

“Mister Kim?” The flight attendant calls for him again and he turns to walk to the front of the plane.

He grabs the speaker phone and turns to face the passengers.

“Good evening passengers, this is your captain Kim Namjoon speaking.” And fuck you can’t control yourself anymore.

“First I’d like to welcome you on Korean airlines flight number KA87 heading to Ilsan, we are currently third in line for takeoff.” He looks at his watch. “We are expected to be in the air in approximately eleven minutes, we’ll be up to a cruising altitude of 35 thousand feet, flight time will be one hour, if the seat belt sign is turned please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened.”

He looks at you in the eyes with one of his eyebrows shooting up. “In about ten minutes after departure the cabin crew will be coming around to offer you a light snack and a beverage, until then, sit back, relax and enjoy your flight, thank you.”

He closes the speaker phone and gives you one last look before he turns and heads back inside the cockpit.

You feel extremely impatient and you cannot wait for the second you land there, you have to let it out of your system and you don’t a single damn about his parents at this moment.

Almost 20 minutes into the flight, you’re leaning your head back and looking through the window, a second away from closing your eyes and taking a nap before you hear one of the flight attendants come out from the cockpit, you can’t take your eyes off of her especially when she’s walking towards you.

“Ma’am?” She leans forward to whisper. “We have the lavatory ready for you if you want to.”

You stare at her totally clueless of what she’s talking about, you even look behind you to make sure that she’s talking to you. “Huh?”

She turns her head to look towards the cockpit and you follow her eyesight, and you can see Namjoon waiting near the door with his hands in his pockets, eyes locked onto you.

He’s been waiting for this moment since forever. All his colleagues experienced the mile high club, and back when he was with his ex wife, they suggested that Namjoon should bring her along so he can have that experience too, but of course, they were never there together, they never even had a spark.

And finally, today Namjoon asked the cabin crew to empty out the lavatory throughout the entire flight so he can fulfill one of his long awaited wishes.

You and Namjoon had never done things publicly and you find it a little risky, the plane was too small and you’re not sure if you can control yourself.

You unbuckle your belt and watch Namjoon go inside the bathroom, you nod your head thank you to the flight attendant and follow Namjoon in there, your stomach drops at the excitement and thrill of this idea.

You lock the door behind you and look up at him. “Namjoon we can’t do anything here.”

He rolls his eyes and leans his arm on the door behind you to corner you in the little tiny lavatory that barely leaves you space to get away. “It won’t take ten minutes, come on.” He buries his face in the crook of your neck and inhales your scent before peppering you with little wet kisses on your skin that’s slowly heating up.

“Out of all places you want to have sex here?” Your eyes feel heavy when he sends goosebumps all over your body with his hot breath, he even whispers. “I’ve been wanting to do this to you for so long.” An audible smirk in his voice. “I want you to cum and I need to watch you trying to stay quiet.”

“They’ll hear us.” You hardly make the effort to push him because you want it too. And the thrill of being heard or caught makes your heart skip a beat and your thighs are already pressed together.

He prints one last kiss onto your jaw and leans his forehead against yours, his fingers wrapping around your neck not too tight. “You know, I kind of want them to hear us, or probably see you with my cum all over that beautiful face of yours.”

Your breath hitches when he tightens the grip around your neck and presses his body against yours, you can feel every inch of him against you including his angry cock that’s buried into his tight pant and begging to be let out.

He steals one kiss from your lips and goes down on his knees, lifting your shirt up to kiss your belly button and move further down to unzip your pants and pull them down with your panties to your ankles. His smirk doesn’t wash away when he sees how wet you already are when he barely touched you, and even when you two have been together for a while now this still boosts up his ego. “Look at you.”

“Shut up.” You whine and lean your head back against the door, your stomach dropping in anticipation at the thought of him touching you, at the thought of his mouth coming in contact to your wet folds.

His gaze meets yours for a split second, you feel your heart racing and you immediately look away, your face and body heating up, you’re slowly getting impatient, and he knows exactly how to tease you. Your body flinches and you immediately grab onto his hair when his plump lips finally landing onto your cunt, his tongue collecting the wetness that already escaped you and finally landing onto your clit before pulling back. He catches the string of your wetness that’s still attached to his lips with his finger and sucks on it. “Mmm.”

A rush of adrenaline combs your entire body that makes you grab tighter onto his hair and pull him towards you, of course he saw it coming and he’s been wanting to lick you clean, both his hands hug your thighs and he dives in, sucking onto your little throbbing bean and flicking his tongue against it, the taste of you sits on his mouth and you taste like absolute candy to him.

“Oh my god.” You find it hard to keep quiet when you feel your body slowly being drugged with pleasure, the man knows what to do with his hands and he slowly teases your entrance and pushes his middle and ring finger inside your clenching vagina making you gasp. He gets up onto his feet to whisper. “Fuck, I knew I’d enjoy watching you suffer to stay quiet.”

His cock is already bulging through his pants when he speaks, you move your knee up to rub it against his clothed boner, he bites onto his bottom lip as his hands work to his neck as he removes his neck tie quickly and grabs your hands together tying them up tightly, he grabs you by your shoulder and pushes you down on the bathroom floor, your head pressed against the door as he unzips his pants and takes out his dick to stroke it a couple of times before pointing it to your lips. “Open.”

You look him up in the eyes and bite onto your lips, he wraps his fingers around your neck and bends down to whisper while biting on his own teeth. “I said open.” And you obey immediately, opening your mouth and he doesn’t hesitate once before spitting on his palm and stroking his cock and shoving it into your mouth, tugging tightly on your hair and fucking your face.

You choke on him with your spit drooling down your chin and top, the tip of his cock repeatedly rubbing down your tonsils, subtle gags escape your mouth while you dig your nails into his thighs trying to slow him down but it was kind of useless. He throws his head back and his jaw falls down when he feels your throat tightening around every curve of his cock.

Your thighs are pressed against each other at the thrill of the situation, your body is acting up on it and you’re even turned on more at the thought of being caught or heard in the bathroom. Although Namjoon on the other side doesn’t care at all, he is willing to pound into you and he won’t care if you were caught or heard. His uncontrollable thrusts down your throat finally halt down when you push him strong enough to catch a breath, you look up at him and wipe your mouth with the back of your tied up hands while you’re panting. “Are you okay princess?” He leans forward towards you while he grazes his thumb on your bottom lip and jaw. Your innocent nods with your doe eyes locked onto his drives him insane. He’s even more impatient to fuck you senseless right now.

He helps you rise up on your feet and presses you against the door again to kiss you harder than before, you grab onto his cock to palm it slowly, you pull back from the kiss and bury your face in the crook of his neck to inhale his scent and kiss him, licking your way up to his ear. “Where do you want me to cum?” He barely speaks when he’s already out of breath.

You look into his eyes worried and confused for a second, he chuckles and turns you to face the lavatory door and whispers into your ear. “After I fuck you of course.” His hands already working to pull down your jeans and panties to your ankles, the view of your wet folds right in front of him makes him go feral and as much as he wants to eat you out again right now but he can’t leave the cockpit empty for too long.

“I can’t let you cum on my face when we’re less than an hour away from meeting your parents.” You look at him over your shoulder, he delivers a loud spank onto your ass and grabs his cock to rub your folds with the tip, smearing your wetness all over your pussy that’s already clenching and asking for attention. “Mmm.” Escapes your lips that you’re biting on when he presses against your entrance.

“Although it’s quite tempting to cum on that beautiful face of yours.” He pushes the tip of his cock into you making you hold your breath and clench onto your fists, the stretch is incredible and it’s already making you see stars. “I think it’s picture worthy.” He smirks and pulls out of you before spitting onto his fingers and rubbing your entrance and pushing back again slowly, this time pushing further inside you and the angle is driving you insane.

“Holy fuck.” You can’t seem to swallow your whimpers, he bites onto your earlobe before whispering. “That little slutty cunt of yours takes me so well baby, doesn’t it?”

“Mhm.” You agree right away and your eyes shut tight when he pushes his cock balls deep into you forcing a breath out of your lungs. His pulsating cock inside you feels so good when it hits all the right spots, and he doesn’t waste the chance to make you feel so good with his fingers when he uses two fingers to rub your clit slowly, your hips grind down on him and he takes at a sign to go when he feels your wet cunt relax around him.

 As he finally prepares to pound into you, he wraps one arm around your waist to pin you against him, and the other hand moves to your neck, his fingers wrapping around it and adding the perfect amount of pressure to make it feel better.

Slowly he starts moving his hips up against yours, the friction inside you is incredible and with each thrust the tip hits your spot making the pressure inside your stomach increase and you feel your body tensing. You cover your own mouth with your hand because you’re only seconds away from screaming out his name when he starts slamming inside you.

You look at him over your shoulder to meet his gaze, his eyes are lost between yours and the view of his cock disappearing in and out of you. And in his head he’s totally glad that condoms are officially off the table and no longer an option.

He feels your cunt relax around him before clenching again, he knows your body so well and he’s totally aware that you came surprisingly fast. Your eyes shut and your body shudders in front of him, your legs barely holding the weight of your body and you feel them shaking even.

Your chest rises to catch a breath and only one little whimper makes it out of your lips, your entire back relaxes and you grind your hips against his through your orgasm and he makes sure to pound into you faster through it too. You didn’t know it was physically possible but you feel yourself chasing after another orgasm even when you’re already over stimulated.

Right outside the door you’re leaned against is the flight attendant guarding the door, and she can clearly hear the sounds of your body meeting his which makes her rummage through the glasses to make any sort of noise for the passengers not to hear.

And Namjoon couldn’t give a single care whether people heard or even saw, his fogged up brain can’t comprehend anything but the fact that he’s fucking the woman he’s head over heels for raw which drives him feral and he even pounds harder inside you that you lose your gate and you can’t stand on your feet anymore.

He turns you to face him and lifts you up against the door to wrap your legs around him, and in less than a second he slams harder than before inside you. And you’re fucked already. Your hair is frizzy and your face is flushed red and sweaty, your heart is racing when you feel your next orgasm, and this time you feel it building in your shoulders and your lower back, it feels fucking insane that your tears roll down your cheeks, you cry out his name over and over with each bounce on him. It’s heavier than an orgasm and you know it, he knows it too.. “I’m gonna cum.”

“Cum for me baby, good girl.” He delivers a loud spank to your ass cheek that you instantly feel it heating up, and you can’t see it but it totally left a print there.

He grabs onto you tighter and seconds after fucking your breaths out of you, you’re squirting on him hard enough to push his cock out of you and he’s so aroused by what he’s seeing. You cry his name out again with your hand reaching down to your pussy to rub it while you’re squirting, his motion halting and slowly coming to an end when he feels your body calming down slowly.

He presses his forehead against yours and devours into your lips, you’re barely keeping  up with him when you’re trying to catch a breath, he puts you down onto your feet and turns you again to face the door, he needs to cum on the view of your ass spread onto his cock all fucked up by his dick, your squirt soaked him so wet. He reaches his hand for his cock and starts stroking it with his other hand onto your ass, his grip tightens around the head and he jerks himself off to the view of your swollen pink pussy. “Shit—“ He starts releasing his seed onto your ass and cunt, his body tenses with each release before finally relaxing and shooting the last drop near your entrance.

You reach your hand down to rub your clit with that drop, smearing it all over your pussy before putting your fingers into your mouth to taste him, your gaze meets his over your shoulder and you laughs lazily before reaching your hand down to his cock stroking it slowly, “Your pull out game is excellent.”

“I was forced out.” He mirrors your laugh and spanks your ass again making you giggle, you take a step forward and walk towards the mirror, turning to see your ass. “Great art work too.”

“Next time I’ll do the same art work on your face.” He shrugs. “No excuses then, I’m taking pictures of it.” He grabs the toilet paper and rips some.

“Then do it.” You look at him, blinking your eyes a couple of times and he laughs, thinking that you might be joking but you’re not, and he realizes that when you don’t laugh. “You’re kidding.”

And to prove that you’re not, you see his phone in his pocket so you pick it out and slide to the left to open the camera app and hand it to him. “I think this is picture worthy too. Unless you think otherwise.”

It takes him a couple of seconds to take the phone from your hand and get ready to take the shot. “Turn around.” And you don’t think twice, turning around and leaning forward a little to reveal the art work.

He proceeds to take the picture of your lovely ass painted with his cum, the head of his dick positioned against your butt cheek which makes the photos eve spicier. He doesn’t get enough as he kneels down and snaps a couple more pictures, examining them and snapping a couple more again, before getting up and handing you the phone, and if he had the time he would’ve licked you clean and made you cum one more time.

You grab his phone and scroll through the pictures before looking up at him. “Joonie do you think they heard us?”

He grabs the scrunched up toilet paper and runs it under warm water before cleaning you up. “I think so, yeah. So what? Who cares if they heard or not.”

“Oh my god. Of course you don’t care you’re going back to the cockpit but I have to get back to my seat.” You put your pants on. “Can I stay here for the rest of the flight?”

He chuckles before pressing one last kiss onto your lips. “I’ll walk out first if it makes you feel better.” He puts his boxers back on and zips his pants. “I’ll see you later.”

-

The sun was setting near the lake, you and his father rented a couple bikes and drove around the lake while chatting and even racing. Your stomach was starting to hurt from all the laughing and goofing around, the man was incredible and really sweet to you and he was enjoying the bike ride  more than you are. He does activities like that with his daughter but if felt really warm to the heart to be able to do this kind of activities with someone new.

Namjoon was watching you from afar with his mother, both carrying their hot drinks and walking around the lake, it was cold enough to put on heavy jackets and scarves, smokes of condensation rising up from their mouths as they speak. “Your father is having way more fun than I thought.”

Namjoon laughs and bobs his head. “Y/N is  a really nice person and it’s so easy being around her, it just feels normal.”

“Yeah, this afternoon your  father kept blabbering about her nonstop, she’s like a friend he never had.” She crosses her arms and sits on the nearest bench. “He loves her.”

“And you?”

“She makes my son happy, of course I love her.” She leans her head onto his shoulder. “And you?”

“Yes.” He very clearly answers, not beating around the bush. “I’m in love with her.”

He doesn’t even think before speaking as words just flow out of his mouth. “And I don’t think I’ve loved anyone this way before, I haven’t been completely honest with anyone about this yet, but I can easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her.”

“Joonie, honey you need to take things slower.” She worriedly speaks, her hand landing on his knee for reassurance. “I want you to choose her when you’re really sure that she’s the one.”

“I know she’s the one.” He wraps his arm around her shoulder and exhales, a large cloud escaping his mouth. “Do you think she feels the same way?”

“Otherwise she wouldn’t have agreed to spend the weekend with your old parents, and trust me she would’ve backed out on hanging out with your father.” Namjoon and his mother both look up at you and his father laughing your hearts out at how you almost fell into the lake after your last race.

“You’re  right.” He bites onto his lip when he sees you putting the bike down and sitting onto the floor near the lake, totally pooped out and exhausted. “I need to rest.” You even cough and put your hand on your stomach. You needed to catch a breath.

“Look at your father.” His mother laughs when she sees her husband put his bike down and land onto the floor next to you. “I’ve been trying to convince him for ages to come here and ride our bikes but it takes your girlfriend one dinner.”

“Should I be worried? Is he going to try and steal her away from me?” Namjoon jokes and rubs her shoulder. “Mom are you jealous?”

“Of course I’m not.” She straightens her back and takes a look at her husband who quickly rises on his feet when you do, you make your way towards a bunch of children skateboarding and ask to join them even when you never did it before. “Okay maybe I am, but just a little.” And Namjoon laughs at his mother while he’s anxiously looking at you worried you’d hurt yourself.

The moment he realized how he actually felt towards you, there’s this instinct that built inside him and he feels the need to protect you at all costs, and he needs to keep you safe, he wouldn’t want you to be hurt or upset. It may be a father instinct but not in a creepy way or anything because he feels the same way towards Jay. He’s always on standby when you’re away from him, ready to help you and pick you up if you fall.

“Is your father actually going to ride the skateboard? … Oh no he is.”

You’re holding his father’s hands while he’s trying to balance on the skateboard, and you’re laughing your heart out at him when he’s stiff and trying his best not to fall, and he’s bickering at you and biting onto his own teeth trying to hold a laugh.

Not only Namjoon and his mother are watching you.

There’s another set of eyes staring at you from far way wondering what you and Namjoon did to actually deserve being happy, because this person simply thinks you don’t.

She thinks that all the misery she’s currently going through is all because of him, she wasted her life being with him and she wasn’t even half happy, she never wanted him nor loved him.

Back when he tutored her when they were in high school she never thought of him more than a friend  or even a classmate, her parents never forced her neither, they simply manipulated her and made her think that he’s going to be her partner for the rest of her life.

They dated not because they wanted to, they simply dated because they were around each other the entire time, and if she recalls correctly, she never told him that she loved him because she never did, and she didn’t hate him neither back then.

Her entire life growing up was a literal struggle when her parents kept comparing her to him. Namjoon is better at this, Namjoon got a higher grade, Namjoon is smarter, Namjoon this Namjoon that.

Okay scratch the fact that she didn’t hate him, she does, and more than ever.

She hates the way he always looked at her, she hates the way he talks and even the voice tone he argued with, she couldn’t stand his touch, the way his hand felt on her skin was unbearable.

The nights she cried herself to sleep were countless, she thinks he doesn’t deserve this happy ending and he simply just can’t have it.

What made things even worse was in fact Jay, she can’t stand the man and now she has a piece of him lying around her and actually calling her mom, and by then she knowss she reached rock bottom.

And to be fair she wasn’t quite disappointed when she found out that he’s seeing someone, she thought it could be her only way out and it actually was. But Namjoon does not deserve to be this happy.

Seeing you with his family around the lake scratched something inside her and made her insist on fucking up your lives even more. She needs to take her revenge even when she can easily admit that it was equally her fault and he feels the same way towards her.

And what better way is there to hurt Namjoon than to hurt the person he loves the most?

Namjoon gets up on his feet quickly and rushes towards you when you fall to the floor while you were trying to balance on the skateboard. Your ankle hurts and you scraped your knee until it was actually bleeding. “It’s okay, you’re okay, right?” He gets down onto his knees to help you, you gasp when his hand hovers above your knee barely touching it. “It hurts.”

“You should’ve thought about this earlier when you decided getting on the skateboard.” Namjoon carries you up and puts you down on the nearest bench before looking around trying to figure out  a way to help you. “We’ll return the bikes, you can take her home.” His father suggests before Soohyun hits his shoulder. “You’re equally guilty.”

The man argues with his wife and Namjoon rolls his eyes. “I’ll take Y/N home.” And he proceeds to carry you up again and walk towards his car that wasn’t parked very far away before he takes you home.

“I’m sorry I probably ruined the night.” You land on his bed before he kneels down to wipe the blood on your knees with an alcohol swab. “Of course you didn’t, don’t say that, you were having fun.”

“I saw you talking to your mom.” You clench your fists into the bed sheets when the alcohol starts burning your wound, “I’m almost done. Yeah we were chatting.”

“Mhm.” You nod, then the room turns quiet for nearly a minute, you look at his lips twitching as if there’s something to say and he’s been hiding something. Before he finally speaks. “I’m in love with you Y/N.”

Your heart races because you didn’t see that coming, you knew it already but it felt different to actually hear it.

Your gaze shifts to his  eyes as he reciprocates, he clears his throat and exhales. “I’ve been wanting to tell you a couple nights before I got the divorce, I just didn’t want to scare you or something.. Which seems.. That you are.. right now?”

“N-no. I’m not scared, there’s nothing to be scared about.” You shrug nonchalantly, trying hard to keep a straight face, “I just… Didn’t see it coming like right now.”

“Right now?” He asks.

“I figured I’d be dressed up when you actually  say it, but right now I smell like blood and actually need a shower.”

He tilts his face as his eyes are still locked onto yours, before he leans in and presses the softest kiss to your cheek. “I don’t care.”

You find it very hard to say it back even when you feel the same way, it’s just that you never did this before, you never told anyone that you were in love with them too. “Okay.”

Honestly no answer was better than this answer. That was so stupid.

“Okay?” He laughs, this could usually set any guy off and it could easily mean that you don’t love him back. But Namjoon knows  you very well like the back of his hand and he knows you feel the same way. And he feels so relieved that he finally said it to you.

“Okay.” You giggle. He cups your cheek and kisses your cheek once more before saying. “Okay.” And nodding his head.

No matter how hard his ex wife tried to hurt you, Namjoon was always one step ahead of her, he’s been living with that woman for three years he knows how she thinks.

Her thought process was impaired and she was blinded by hate, he knew she’s onto something but he can’t tell you, and he’ll try his best to handle everything without you knowing and having to be worried or scared.

He was always there for you and he can’t let you get hurt.

[zannolin]

weekly writing update is back bc i actually wrote this week GODBLESS. tidbits below the cut :)

nothing finished this week as ye olde ao3 subs can tell but! writing happened. i have continued to truck along on the c!crime star trek au. it's over 6k i simply refuse to abandon it. i WILL finish this goddamn fic if it kills me and it just might. have a highlight!

“How long will it take?” Tommy asks. “Until he can—uh, sleep properly, I guess?”

“As long as his body needs,” Ponk admits. “It’s different for everyone.” “Right,” says Tommy, and tries to be okay with not having any useful answers to go on. He’s not used to uncertainty, not accustomed to not knowing what’s happening with his brother at least on some level. When he lost Wilbur, it felt like losing a limb, like something was punched out of him and left a gaping hole in its wake, and now he’s been handed it back but can’t puzzle himself back together again. What once was familiar is now foreign, and Tommy is struggling to come to terms with that particular revelation.

He doesn’t want to admit that it feels like a losing battle most days.

i alsoooo did a little bit of work on the next chapter of split ends which i was sort of taking a break from because school and various brain-being-a-toddler-and-having-a-meltdown moments about "oh no, what if i'm writing mia and ethan Wrong" but we're sort of back in business now!

She’s not blind. She can see the way he holds his left wrist gingerly, rubs at the gauze wrapped around it like it pains him. It probably still does. Mia’s never exactly had a limb taken off and put back on, but if there’s one thing she remembers well about Dulvey, it’s that dying fucking hurt. The Mold didn’t make injuries any less painful in the end. It made them easier to overcome, sure, but there was always the point where the high, where Eveline’s influence, wore off, and the agony would slam into Mia like a wall.

She can’t imagine what it must have been like for Ethan, not even after living trapped on that ranch for three years. And it’s her fault he ever had to go through that in the first place.

i've been working on my short story for my fiction writing class as well which i cannot share here but i'm very happy with the concept :) it will later become probably a cleon fic and an sbi fic. i'm winding down on the sbi stuff lately but this one works very well so i'm excited to finish it and get to share it once the semester is over for me.

also been doing a lot of plotting and drabbling for various cleon, mithan, and RE genfics so here's some highlights from the notes doc:

She says: every day I see more of your father in you. She doesn’t say: I’m glad I don’t see myself.

and:

Why don’t you hate me? She asks. He says, I love you. She says, That isn’t an answer. What she means is, love is not the absence of hate, or even the opposite. He says: I don’t want to hate you. She does not say, sometimes, I wish you did.

got a looooot of fic ideas knocking around and i haven't quite nailed down what i want to work on next, but i think once this damn star trek au is done i might take some time to work on a leon & ashley oneshot and finish chapter 3 of split ends. those seem to be the priorities at the moment but on god. SO MANY AUS. it's unreal. maybe we'll do the ask game where i tell you about my random aus again lol.

[l-a-l-o-u]

ohh i haven’t done one of these in ages!! @sabertoothwalrus​ (check her out, gr8 content) tagged me in this art thing

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!  

1 - Korra with Raava staff

this was super fun to finally draw!! i had this idea of an AU where benders use staffs to control their element over 3 years ago (i think) and its great to finally see it beyond random doodles i did in class back then. i really want to design some other staffs too at some point!

2 - Just some gays in a field

This might be the only thing I posted this year that wasn’t fanart... I rarely get motivated to draw original stuff but I somehow finished this one. yeehaw

3 - BoTW Midna

a little before Age of Calamity came out, i started a new BoTW file and as i was replaying & thinking about the Lore, i kept thinking about the love of my life, Midna Twilight Princess..... and for like a week i was obsessed with the idea of a Midna reincarnation showing up in the sequel. my Midzel loving ass immediately shipped this dumbass teen version with Zelda, of course,

4 - My tabaxi child

I started playing D&D regularly this year!! it’s one of my favorite things about 2020!! i absolutely love this character too, druid is my favorite class so far and playing an impolite 13 year old with a bad french accent is SO funny. every other player immediately adopts them its great

5 - The background map & front page art for the Critical Role Wiki

I finished catching up to all of CR earlier this year, and since i had a tendency to zone out and miss stuff, i would look up a ton of stuff on the wiki, and i always thought it looked so bland! it was still using the default theme and i thought it deserved something nicer. so i decided i would just Do That Myself! and since then i started editing the wiki super regularly, it’s one of my main hobbies now (ranked 19th out of the wiki editors babey)

the map i can’t take full credit for, as it’s only a traced version of this map. the original wasn’t big enough to fit the wiki, so i thought, why don’t i just. ya know. trace over the entire thing by hand. that way i could also decide on the colors and font, etc (plus i love drawing lots of lil tedious details). later on i also made this graphic to put on the front page! both of these had to be WAY downsized to fit the wiki formatting but at least i can share the full size files on here

6 - “Human” Raava 

idk who remembers but I used to be OBSESSED with the AU where Raava looked like a human, and became younger as she lost power. i suddenly wanted to redraw the concept after all this time and reworked my old design a bit. twas fun

7 - The unfinished Pearl/Rose comic

in the end I only colored this single panel, but i did post the first 8 pages (which is as far as i got) of an old comic idea from over a year ago. its kinda crazy how hard it is for me to post unfinished stuff.. but in the end i’m glad i did. its very validating to read the tags on that post and see how many people got mad/sad after reading it hehehe

8 - Mighty Nein redesigns

i started this series of character sheets almost exactly one year ago! so far i only finished Jester and Beauregard (altho i need to update with her winter outfit), but i’m actually nearly done with Caleb, idk why i haven’t posted it yet... in my heart i believe that one day i’ll finish them all. but that might be 5 years from now. special shoutout to all the other CR art i made this year!! i actually got featured in the slideshow a couple times which is pretty unreal

Honorable mention -  New Nameless designs

this is the only one i posted, but i actually spent quite a bit of time this year developping a webcomic idea. i made a good amount of concept art and wrote a lot about it. it still feels way too ambitious for me to consider starting the webcomic any time soon (i want to make at least one other comic before) but the idea really grew this year!! anyway this is Nameless and her funky animal companion, they are travelling around a fantasy continent and uncovering mysterious lore

im blanking on who to tag uhhh @officialrocketjumper​, @cadetheespeon​ and @butchlinkle​

[setterspirit]

i think i was drunk

❥ ‑‑‑‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑ ‑

TALK ABOUT SURPRISES

[ masterlist | one | two ]

fast facts;

fact #1; suna actually RUNS a meme account, not that he’d tell his friends that. osamu follows suna’s meme accounts and often sends him the links to the memes suna’s meme account posts because he thinks suna will enjoy them, but little does he know...

fact #2; komori doesn’t drink when he knows suna and washio are going to be involved. he knows how dumb those two are and how they make dumb decisions, so komori is there to soothe things over if it ever gets to be too much for anyone else in the presence of the middle blockers.

fact #3; kita is osamu’s rice supplier, they’re partners, y’know. osamu helps kita promote by using the rice in his onigiri, as well as selling it to help kita gain more recognition for his rice, bc damn y’all. kita’s an excellent rice farmer.

fact #4; whenever suna and washio play drunk truth or dare, it usually just ends in a competition to see who can make up the worst dare. komori usually spoils their fun by taking the alcohol away.

✨) summary; l/n y/n is a single mother living with her 5 year old son in sendai. suna rintarō is a professional volleyball player, the middle blocker for the ejp raijin. the msby black jackals vs the schweiden adlers is a game between two of japan’s v league division 1 teams that bring together many old rivals. y/n is dragged to the game by her cousin, tsukishima kei, claiming she needed to get out and do more than just work and take care of her child. reluctantly, she goes along with the usually salty blond — leaving her 5 year old with a babysitter — to watch the game between two of tsukishima’s ex-teammates. suna makes the executive decision that he will be going to the game to support his former teammate and setter, miya atsumu, with komori asking if he could accompany the middle blocker so he could support his cousin, suna readily agrees and they also invite washio to go with them, knowing he’d want to see bokuto as well. a chance encounter at the game of old reunions brings together two old friends and feelings start to re-emerge. follow y/n and suna as they get to know each other again, fend off any unwanted attention, and work through parenthood in “talk about surprises!”

a/n; hey all! thanks for waiting for this fic! i’ll be updating every monday, so keep an eye out for those updates! i knew i wanted to get to writing this fic bc bro, i have so many ideas for this fic it’s UNREAL- yall i’m so excited to write this smau?? like- idk, something abt it just makes me soft and like dksndksnfk anyways- happy birthday, suna rintarō! i love you so much g o d. 🥳🎉🤍✨

updates every monday!

taglist; @pieckiya @its-the-aerieljeane @amatee @crayonwriting @reblogthatgoodfanfiction @mint-mai @akaashiwife @kac-chowsballs @sugarb0 @bdanie @the-golden-jhope @goodpop9 @navymacaroons @tendo-sxtori @sirachano0dles @seijqhigh @hannahlxu @mattsunsupremacy @winunk @briidge @yongboxerrr @kageyamasgirl @kiyoovmie @elainetsantana @ofmiceandsharks @bokutokita @honeydrip @tycrackculture

bolded and strike through means i couldn’t tag you!

don’t forget to check out the masterlist to see how you can be tagged! <3

[earstwo]

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I hit 7k recently after losing almost 1.5k followers when I converted to a Reylo blog (not sorry in the slightest) and decided it was time to finally compile some of the INCREDIBLE fanfics that I’ve read since joining the fandom in December. 

I’m constantly impressed by the talent around here and I'm so grateful to love a ship that has some of the most amazing content I’ve ever seen. The creators in this fandom are second to none. I’m so thankful for all they do and all that they give to us. 

Please keep never stop sharing your gifts. <3 

**Note: Most (pretty much all) of these are rated E. 

Without further ado, here are (some of) my favorite stories: 

The Jedi Path  by SouthsideStory | 19k | E | I am such a sucker for Jedi Academy Ben and Rey. It’s everything I never knew I needed, and this fic is a beautiful rendition. If you know me at all, you know that I devour Angst with a Happy Ending stories, and this is no exception to that rule.

Exile by Ernzo | 22k | E | Oof. This one hurts. Leia sends Rey to the planet where Ben is exiled. It’s angsty and sad and cathartic in every way. I’ve read it dozens of times. 

Before the Saber Swings by @waterlilyrose​ | 28k | M |  Fuck. When I tell y’all that this story fucked me up, I mean it from the bottom of my s o u l. It stayed with me for days. I literally couldn’t get it out of my head. It felt so real to me that I was in physical pain while reading it. I also made an AU gifset of the fic with a quote from Buffy because I’m extra and love pain. 

penitence by @bettsfic​ | 16k | M | Look, Betts is one of my favorite fanfiction authors of all time. Her Bellarke works are some that I’ve read dozens of times and I was fucking ecstatic when I found out she also writes Reylo. This is an A+ TROS fix-it that is lovely and soft and sweet. 

The Writings of Ben Solo by BurnedStars777 | 39k | E | This was recced to me by the fabulous @galacticidiots​ and is just a fantastic story all around. Rey finds Ben’s journal whilst stuck on a planet with Kylo Ren and she (eventually) connects the dots. Rey falling in love with Ben sight unseen? Here. For. it.  find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel by again_please | 17k | E | A fantastic post-TLJ story with angsty and broody Ben and just some all around quality smut. I devoured this and have read it multiple time since. 

We Could Plant a House, We Could Build a Tree by @likeadove​ | 124k | E | I will probably never stop reading this fic. It’s such a beautiful coming of age story for Rey and her relationship with Ben as she grows up is just... gah. It’s fantastic. Please read it.    

Soul Searching by OptimisticBeth | 205k | E | Soulmates AU where Ben is Rey’s teacher? Sign me the fuuuuck up, and Soul Searching is so fucking well written. I go back to this one every few weeks and just gush at how great the world building is. I love the relationship Rey has with Leia and Han. It’s rich with love and angst and fluffffff. So good. 

Coveted by OptimisticBeth | 82k | E | WIP | OptimisticBeth is just an incredible writer, so you should honestly read all of her stuff, but I am so, so, so into this fic. It’s A/B/O and Ben’s Rey’s pack leader. He, along with a bunch of other Alphas are trying to court Rey, a highly desired Omega. It’s so fucking delicious, y’all. Alpha Ben Solo is just...it doesn’t get much better. 

A Treehouse Covered in Salt by violethoure666 | 34k | E | This fic made me cry my eyes out. I’m not kidding. It’s so raw and real. It hurts to read at some points, but you care so much about Ben and Rey in this that you fight through the pain. They grow up together as neighbors and Han builds them a treehouse where they meet throughout their childhoods/teen years. Prepare to cry but also be so fulfilled and satisfied. It’s wonderful. love it when you call me lover by @kylotrashforever​​ | 66k | E | WIP | First, let me say that anything by KTF is going to be gold. These fics I have listed are just a few of my favorites at the moment. Lover is hot as fuck (as is all of her stuff) but also fluffy in the best way. It’s in Sadsville right now so I’m fucking PUMPED for her to update. Ben’s a doctor who basically gives Rey a sexual awakening when he proves her statement of “I just don’t think I can come from (insert sexual act here)” very, very wrong.  

mountain at my gates by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | More A/B/O goodness. Omega Rey’s car breaks down on a mountain. Ben is a mountain man Alpha. You can probably guess what happens from there. *fans self* 

take me to church by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | I love this story so much. Ben is the pastor’s son at the church Rey grows up in. They start hooking up in secret and are terrrrrrible at communicating with each other which leads to angst. But it’s so sweet and soft while also being super hot. I love this Ben and Rey so much. 

Your Pretty Little Heart by @ever-so-reylo​ | 64k | E | The A/B/O Reylo bible, I feel like. They’re doctors and he’s a grumpy as fuck Alpha. Shenanigans ensue. And by shenanigans I mean a lot, a lot, a LOT of sex. 

The Food of Love by @lovesbitca8​ | 60k | E | Y’all. If you haven’t read this yet, please stop what you’re doing and read it RIGHT NOW. I ate this fic up in one sitting because holy SHIT it’s amazing. It’s so well written and the story is just... absolutely exquisite. Ben is cellist that’s also a famous rockstar and Rey’s an up and coming violinist and they fall in loOOoOOve in the best, most angsty, sexiest way. Please just read it right now. The scene when she firsts goes to his apartment and plays one of his cellos............you guys. It’s a lot.

Already Home by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 81k | E | This is soulmates + A/B/O so naturally I am obsessed with it. Rey gets connected with her soulmate via a website and he’s going by the name Kylo Ren. At the same time, she’s also moving in with grumpy librarian Ben Solo. She falls in love with both but has no idea that they’re the same person. It’s INCREDIBLE. 

Tangled but Unbroken by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 20k | M | I read this the other night and it’s so fucking soft. I am such a fucking sucker for growing up together fics and this is just such top quality. The braiding kills me every goddamn time. Also, I’m making my way through all of Attack’s works right now and they’re all incredible. Highly recommend. 

Dear Mr. President by @shmisolo​ | 89k | E | I love this Ben so much. The characterization is so on the money. The angst is absolutely delicious. The smut is top brass. Oh, and did I mention they’re soulmates? It’s everything you need, I promise. 

Good Day, Professor by @faequeentitania​ | 38k | E | One of the best Professor Solo fics out there. I’m such a sucker for age difference fics. Of course there’s angst, who do you think I am? 

Embers by sciosophia | 34k | E | Breaking up/getting back together fics are some of my favorites and this one is fantastic. The pining with these two is ridiculous. You just want to smush their faces together. It’s a beautiful love story. 

Reclaimed by @bettsfic​ | 14k | E | Ughhhhhhhhhh, Reclaimed. I am so in love with Reclaimed. Alpha Ben adopts Omega Rey after she’s rescued from this terrible Alpha that held her captive for most of her life. She doesn’t talk and Ben has to help her learn to be a human being and not just a subservient Omega. This Ben is the Ben of my dreams. No contest. 

the following are all written by  @kylorenvevo​. please read them all if you haven’t already. 

landscape with a blur of conquerers | 362k | E |  Y’all know this shit is fire. It’s basically the bible. If you haven’t read this yet, consider this as me yelling at you to do it NOW.   

like young gods | 84k | T | fuck, the Sword of the Jedi series is incomparable when it comes to in-universe fics. I cannot begin to express how much I love this story. It’s so soft and intense and sad. Like, gut wrenchingly sad. Ben senses Rey on Jakku when she’s six and he and Luke take her back to the Jedi Academy. She grows up with Ben. 

to kingdom come | 145k | M |  The sequel to Like Young Gods. I’m not gonna spoil much here, but just know I cried through most of this fic. I downright SOBBED at the end. It’s gorgeous and I will never stop rereading it. The love these two have for each other... it’s unreal. 

i kill giants  | 34k | E | WIP | The TROS fix-it we all need. Ben is alive and finds Rey on Tatooine. It’s soft and Thea does a great job of soothing so many of the gaping wounds we were left with after TROS. My heart soars every time I read a new chapter. This is what we deserved. :( 

the heartbreak prince | 58k | E | WIP |  Harry Potter AU. Professor/student. Size kink. Virginity kink. ANGST. All the good things life has to offer. Professor Solo is fucking filthy in this and I (along with Miss Niima)  am here 👏 for 👏 it. 

place the moon at my eyes (and her whiteness shall devour)  | 29k | E | Another breakup/get back together fic that I absolutely adore.

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Thank you to everyone that’s been so kind and welcoming to me the past couple of months! I love this fandom and its energy and enthusiasm and how much everyone seems to care for each other. I hope that I can continue to create content for you forever <3 

[herewegoagainniall]

I’ll Love Her Still: Part 12 (Brian May x Female!Reader)

Whaaaaat, I ACTUALLY UPDATED THIS FIC??? IN UNDER TWO MONTHS TIME??? UNREAL. But seriously y’all, thank you so much for your patience, there’s only a couple more parts to this fic left and I’ll be sad to say goodbye but excited to start on other projects! 

TAGLIST: @alittlepeoplemagic​, @brianmayscurls​, @chlobo6​, @d-illo​, @delilahmay39​, @kenzie-belle​, @kiwithekiwi​, @lizzybeth1986​, @moreinfinite​, @readinghorn​, @rogerscupboard​, @thelegumemother​

TRIGGERS: MASSIVE massive sad boi hours. Don’t say you weren’t warned. 

Brian kept his arms around you the entire night, almost like he thought you would slip away if he wasn’t careful. And in a way, he wasn’t really wrong.

You’d struggled to get to sleep all night after you and Brian had finally stopped apologizing to each other. You couldn’t get the events of that night out of your head: the heartbreak in Brian’s eyes, the venom in his voice… and then how the heartbreak and venom had faded into sweetness and love. The fact that Brian loved you was something that you couldn’t quite believe. Maybe he only thought that he loved you- his mind was so clouded by lust that he thought he was in love with you. Or maybe that was just what you were telling yourself so that this wouldn’t hurt as much.

You had started a pot of coffee for Brian (you knew that even though he was an early riser, he still needed an extra boost in the morning), and were slowly going about the room, taking your things and putting them in your suitcase. Queen had another performance scheduled at the arena… and you would not be in attendance. You buckled your suitcase softly, feeling like the slightest noise would disturb the tension in the room. You picked it up in your hand and then put it down again. Brian was still asleep. If you left without telling him goodbye, he would hate you for sure (though not as much as you’d hate yourself). But you also didn’t want to wake him up- he barely got enough sleep as it was.

Thankfully, you didn’t have to struggle with that dilemma too much longer. Brian stretched in his sleep and opened his eyes languidly. You felt your heart ache when you watched him reach out blindly next to him to feel your body in bed only to find that space empty. He sat up slightly, confused, and then turned his head to see you, out of bed and fully clothed.

“What are you doing up?” he yawned.

“I… I made you coffee,” you said lamely.

He hadn’t noticed yet. “Mm, that’s sweet of you, darling,” he mumbled in his sleep-drenched voice, and you swore you could feel your heart breaking. Brian sat up in bed and ran a hand over his face. “I was thinking we could go to the Griffith Observatory today?” he said as he stood up out of bed. “I know the view won’t be the same as if we’d gone at night, but you know the conce-”

Brian stopped dead in his tracks. You bit your lip and felt your heart put itself together long enough to start pounding out of your chest. He’d seen it.

“What’s this?” he asked, gesturing to your suitcase.

“I, um…” you tried. “I… I’m not going to be at the concert tonight,” you finally managed to breathe out.

The expression on Brian’s face was torturous- he looked like a kid who had just been told there was no Santa Claus, a dog that had had its bone taken away. He looked broken. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“I mean that-”

“Y/N, if you’re still upset about last ni-”

“Brian, can we not talk about last night?”

Brian’s eyes began to fill with tears. “Why?”

“Because! It…” you felt the room start spinning again, and that sick black feeling overtake your heart. You could feel the sob bubbling up in your chest and you turned away before Brian could see you cry.

“Y/N,” you heard Brian whisper. “Don’t do this.”

He didn’t understand. You knew you couldn’t make him understand. All you could do was tell him. Simply and plainly, just like you’d done a thousand times before, to a thousand other faces. So you composed yourself and turned back to face Brian. “Bri-”

Before you could even breathe, Brian had strode over to you and wrapped his arms around you, whispering, “Don’t do this,” into your hair, as if merely repeating the phrase was enough to make you stay.

You found yourself having to remember that you knew your own mind. It isn’t anything you haven’t done before, Lily, you reminded yourself. You said it very plainly, knowing that if you let any kind of emotion slip into your tone, your heart would break. “It’s time for me to go home.”

“No,” Brian pleaded, pressing desperate kisses all over your face, and holding you close to him as if that alone would keep you by his side forever. “Please, please don’t leave me.”

God fucking damn it, Brian. Why do you have to be so wonderful? “I have to,” you wept. “I can’t- I can’t put you through this anymore, I can’t keep stringing you along like this.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that we don’t have to let anything change?” Brian sniffed as he ran a hand down your arm and tangled his fingers with yours.

“I know we don’t. But we do. I care about how just carrying on like normal is going to make you feel. I know you, Brian,” you smiled slightly through your tears. “You’d try to hide it, but you would be so upset all the time, because, whatever we are, we’re not really what you want us to be.”

Brian looked like he was about to say something, but then shook his head. “I don’t want to fight anymore. But I’d learn how to pick my battles, I’d learn which ones to fight and which ones to let lie.”

“No you wouldn’t.”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.” The both of you laughed softly, like you weren’t really doing what you were about to do. Once the laughter dissipated, though, Brian’s eyes began to shine with tears again. “I can’t believe I drove you away.”

“You didn’t,” you were unwavering in your pardoning of Brian. “Don’t you dare think that.” You brought your hand up to Brian’s hair and rearranged the curls at the front of his face. For just a moment, the two of you were backstage in Y/C just the way you’d been all those months ago, falling headlong into this magical trip together. But you weren’t- you were who you were, and it was time to get back to real life, no matter how badly it hurt. You pulled Brian to you one more time, trying to take a mental snapshot of all of the little things you would miss so that you could wrap yourself in the memories if… when you missed him too much.

“Write a good song about me,” you whispered. “I swear to God, Brian, if you write a shitty song about me, I’ll never forgive you.”

Brian laughed into the crook of your neck, and you tried so hard to ignore the tears he left on your skin. “I couldn’t write a bad song about you if I tried, Y/N.” He brought his head up again, keeping his hands on your waist as he gently kissed your forehead, your eyes, your cheeks, your nose, and then, finally and oh so sweetly, your lips.

You couldn’t take any more after that, so you were the one who slowly broke away and hurriedly gathered your things. The suitcases didn’t have a lot in them, but they felt like boulders that were trying their hardest to force you to stay in that spot. But you couldn’t. It was the nature of the beast, just like Harmony had said. There were new adventures to go on, new places to see, new people-

You didn’t let yourself go that far.

Brian had made himself scarce as you left the room- he probably couldn’t handle another goodbye any more than you could. You slunk out and softly shut the door behind you, keeping your eyes trained on the carpet in the hallway as you made your way to the elevator. In fact, you hardly lifted your eyes until you got to the airport. Lifting your head meant facing people and facing people meant (possibly) worried glances and whispers about whether that poor girl was okay.

You would be okay eventually, of course. You had to be. It was all going to be fine.

That was the mantra you kept repeating to yourself as you buckled your seat belt and listened to the all-too-familiar safety speech from the flight attendant. But she didn’t hold your attention for too long, and your gaze turned to out the window.

Los Angeles, in all of its beauty, was staring back at you. Palm trees, sunshine, and crystal blue skies- they were almost daring you to stand up, realize what a mistake you’d made, and run off the plane back into Brian’s arms. You couldn’t stop yourself from putting a hand to the window, just trying to capture that last bit of joy.

As the plane soared into the sky, you finally took your hand away from the window. “Bye, Brian,” you whispered. And, somehow, your aching heart started to be soothed. This was going to be better for the both of you. This was the right move.

Wasn’t it?

[reyescarlos]

sanctuary || a tarlos fic

chapter 2/3 read on ao3

It’s been one month since TK packed up his life and headed to Austin for a fresh start. In a new city, he struggles with between defeating old demons and reinventing himself. On a night when he feels close to falling through the cracks, he meets Officer Carlos Reyes, a man who could very well be his salvation.

Two days of casual texting since running into Carlos earlier in the week has led TK to trying out what Carlos promises to be the best meal he’ll ever have. It’s a pretty tall order but TK is more than willing to test out Carlos’ theory. After all, it means actual face to face time with the man he’s quite eager to know better.

Carlos steps up to the truck and begins talking with the staff in Spanish, conversing and placing their orders. TK’s understanding of the language goes as far as twelfth grade and even still, he barely remembers much aside from the basics. He’s only able to piece together a few bits here and there. Regardless, it doesn’t take much for him to see that Carlos is truly a regular at this truck and that the staff genuinely likes him. That doesn’t come as a surprise to TK. Carlos is kindhearted and people like that tend to draw in others like the sun.

As they wait for their order, TK takes in the area around him, the sights, the sounds, and of course the smells. His stomach is practically doing flips and growling the longer he stands around breathing in the delicious smells of meat and peppers and whatever else is being made inside each neighboring truck.

“Come here often?” he muses, using the cheesy pickup line to kick off conversation.

Carlos laughs and nods. “Yeah, it’s my absolute favorite in all of Travis County. It might actually be better than my tía Lucy’s. But if you ever tell her I said that, I will have no other choice but to lie and say I have no idea what you’re referring to.”

TK mimes zipping his lips, tossing away the imaginary key for good measure. “Your secret’s safe with me, I promise.”

Carlos is about to speak when one of the ladies inside the truck calls his name. He turns and heads back to the truck, thanking her and taking the food she hands over. TK spots an empty bench and hurries over to it, taking a seat, Carlos sitting right across from him a few seconds later.

“God, this smells amazing,” TK notes, unwrapping his burrito from its foil and taking a considerable bite. He stifles a moan but doesn’t shy away from tossing his head back. “Holy shit, that’s incredible.”

Carlos laughs at the theatrics. “Like I said, hands down the best in town.”

“I definitely have to come back here soon. Is tomorrow too sudden?” he jokes.

They fall into a comfortable silence as they eat. Every now and then he looks over at Carlos and on some instances, he finds the other man glancing at him too.

“So, what is that you do?” Carlos asks conversationally after a time.

TK licks his lips, pulling in the lower one. It’s a harmless question, in general, but for TK it’s actually a loaded one. When making the move down to Austin, he also made the tough decision not to hop back into work. The time for himself is certainly needed but it makes him anxious thinking about having to explain why he isn’t currently part of the 126.

“I’m a firefighter. Or I was. I’m taking a bit of a break right now,” he finally settles on. It’s a half truth as he hasn’t fully explained but the last thing he wants is to unload all his drama on a man he’s only just met a few days ago.

Carlos considers his words and nods, dipping one of his chips into salsa. TK prepares himself for an onslaught of follow-up questions but they never come. Instead, Carlos gives a response he wasn’t expecting at all.

“I can understand that,” he says, popping the chip into his mouth and making quick work of finishing it off before he speaks again. “What we do isn’t easy. Sometimes you need to take time to recharge before heading back out there again. In order to really help others, we have to be at our best.”

TK can only stare at him. He was so sure Carlos was going to hound him with questions about what prompted the break but instead he opted not to pry at all. TK wasn’t used to that sort of thing. Most people would make it their personal mission to find out the details but not Carlos. Relief soon washes over TK.

“Yeah, definitely. I plan on getting back into the swing of things soon, though. Until then, I just live vicariously through my dad. He’s the new captain over at the 126. Whenever I’m ready, I’ll be working alongside him.”

A part of TK is chomping at the bit to get back to his old routine but he knows he still needs a bit more time to feel as if he’s standing on solid, stable ground again.

“Wait, seriously? My best friend is the EMS captain there.”

“Michelle Blake? No way, I’ve met her a few times. She seems pretty great.”

Carlos nods enthusiastically and laughs. “Damn, maybe you’re right and this town really is too small,” he muses, TK not missing the reference back to their conversation outside the boba shop.

“See? Six degrees of separation is too high of a count for this place.”

Carlos tosses a chip at him but TK is fast and swats it down to the table.

“Jerk. Is that any way to treat your new friend? You wouldn’t want to go giving me the wrong impression of your precious Austin, now would you?”

Carlos makes a face and it’s undoubtedly one of the cutest things TK has ever seen.

“You’re going to be trouble, aren’t you?”

“Oh, man,” TK laughs, “you have no idea.”

~*~*~

At lunch, TK finds himself incapable of looking away from his screen. He and Carlos have been chatting since morning with Carlos sending him updates and random pictures of odd things he sees while out shopping with his aunt Lucy. TK has seen everything from ridiculous items for sale at a thrift store to Carlos frowning in a chair with Lucy’s purse on his lap, reflected in the store’s mirror while his aunt is in the changing room. This most recent image is instantly followed with a text reading “SOS!”

TK grins at his phone, zooming in on Carlos’ face. The furrowed brows, the pleading brown eyes, the pout. It’s almost too much for him to handle.

“Earth to TK. Are you with me here, bud?” Owen says.

TK snaps his head upward, finally tearing his eyes away from his phone. “What’s that now?”

Owen shakes his head and laughs, lightly kicking at his leg. “My god, where is your head today?”

TK smiles bashfully and shakes his head. “Right here on my shoulders.”

“Could have fooled me. I could have sworn I saw it floating in the clouds. What’s going on with you?”

TK opens his mouth to speak but closes it back, shifting in his seat to turn to face his father. Try as he might, TK cannot erase the wide smile that breaks across his lips the second he looks at him, his thoughts already filling up so deeply with images of Carlos’ face. A part of him feels silly for being this caught up with someone he’s just befriended but he and Carlos have spoken every day for the last two weeks. Carlos is truly his first and last thought each day. It’s terrifying and exhilarating all in one breath just how much they’ve grown close to each other. It leaves TK’s head spinning.

“You met someone, didn’t you?” Owen says, his grin mirroring his son’s perfectly.

“Wow, you beat me to it.”

“To be fair, it wasn’t exactly a hard guess to make. Tell me all about him.”

TK draws in a deep breath to collect himself. “His name is Carlos and he is…kind of unreal,” he laughs. He can feel his cheeks warming up. “I don’t know. We talk all the time and it’s just…nice? Normal. It’s good to have a friend in this city.”

“A friend, hmm.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Owen holds up his hands, letting out a playful laugh. “Nothing, nothing. Friends are great to have but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get this worked up over one before.”

“Yeah, well, Carlos is a special friend. It’s different with him.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is,” his father says, lifting his brows.

“Seriously, it’s not like that. At least it can’t be right now.”

Owen’s smile fades from his face as he looks at his son and TK can feel a sinking sensation in his chest. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a less than platonic pull towards Carlos but the man knew nothing of his last relationship and the major impact it had on him. There were still so many secrets, ugly truths that TK hadn’t shared yet and was, truthfully, terrified to ever do so. Things with Carlos were light and carefree. For someone like TK who had been living so long with a darkness in him, he wanted to preserve this kind of joy for as long as possible. He thought perhaps it made him selfish to a certain degree but he couldn’t help it. For the first time in over a month, he felt weightless. A feeling like that was too rare and he was in no position to pass it up.

“Why do you say that?”

TK scoffs and shakes his head. “Come on, dad. We both know why we’re down here in the first place. Look at what happened the last time I fell hard for someone.”

“But look at how far you’ve come since then,” his father counters. “Look, you may have a real chance at something great here, whatever it may be. It’s been over a month now, TK. I think it’s time you start taking some wins. You’ve more than earned them. I haven’t seen you this happy in ages.”

TK swallows the lump in his throat, the guilt that rises like bile. His life and actions didn’t only have consequences he had to face. While he knew his father didn’t hold it against him, TK couldn’t help but to feel responsible for them upending their lives and moving away from home.

“I don’t want to wreck this. Carlos is a good guy. Genuinely good, you know? I don’t want to mess that up or put anything bad on him. He doesn’t deserve that.”

Owen searches his face but TK can’t bear it and looks away, back to his plate.

“Tell me about him. How’d you two even meet?”

TK hesitates, fumbling with his fork and turning it over in his hand. He still hasn’t mentioned his panic attack out on the bridge that night. After all, he’d returned home in a better mood than when he left and had been fine in the weeks since so it didn’t seem like something worth mentioning or making his father concerned over. But now, being asked so plainly about how he met Carlos, it feels like something he needs to disclose. TK was skilled at hiding things but he made a vow to himself on the plane ride from JFK to Austin-Bergstrom Airport that he’d truly turn over a new leaf and maintain transparency with his father going forward.

He licks his lips and clears his throat before speaking, avoiding his father’s gaze until he finally speaks.

“When I went out running a few weeks back, I sort of…had a moment. My head was kinda all over the place and I needed a break.”

Owen shifts in his seat, his eyes glued on his son. It was such a bittersweet thing having a father that cared so much at times. On one hand, TK was comforted in knowing that his dad was always willing to listen but on the other, it made him dread his father hearing all the less than pleasant things he had to say from time to time.

“What do you mean?”

TK sets his fork down. “I don’t know. I was thinking a lot about Alex and it just got to feel like too much so I stopped out on the bridge to get myself together.”

“TK—”

“God, no! Not like that. Sorry.” TK sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. “It just so happened that I stopped there. I swear, dad. Anyway, clearly it looked troubling because Carlos was on duty and he came up to me to make sure everything was alright. He got called away to an active B&E and I thought that was the last time I’d see him. But literally the next day, after group, we bumped into each other downtown and exchanged numbers.”

Owen settles back against his seat, his fingers splayed on the dining room table. TK watches the parade of emotions that flit across his father’s face from fear to uncertainty to controlled hurt.

“I should have told you more about that night,” TK admits. “I just didn’t want you to worry. I’m so tired of making you worry.”

Owen places a hand on TK’s shoulder and gives it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

“Whether you tell me everything or not, I’m always going to worry. That just comes with the gig of being a dad. But what makes it easier is if we’re on the same page at all times.”

TK meets his father’s gaze and nods, worrying his bottom lip. Owen sighs softly and drops his hand, trading a concerned look for a warm smile.

“So, Carlos is a cop. What an interesting first responder pair you guys make,” he teases.

TK is glad for the joke as it alleviates some of the tension in his chest. He laughs and rolls his eyes.

“It’s crazy; what are the odds, right?”

Something warm glints in his father’s eyes and TK is almost moved to tears because of it. He can admit he’s been particularly hard on himself over the last month and a half, so convinced that he shouldn’t even allow himself to move on from Alex. He feared he wasn’t ready and that he couldn’t be trusted. But already, in such a short time, he was willing to give a part of himself to Carlos. He didn’t stand much of a chance, in truth. He couldn’t imagine a single person who wouldn’t be disarmed by the other man.

Owen searches his face for a moment as TK focuses back on their conversation.

“Looks like the tide’s starting to turn for you down here in Austin; things are really picking up. Maybe meeting Carlos is just the thing to make you more comfortable.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he parrots. I hope, he thinks.

~*~*~

The next day TK is in his room folding laundry when his phone lights up on his bed. TK cranes his neck to read the text from Carlos.

Hey, you busy tonight?

TK puts down the shirt in his hand and grabs his phone to reply, seeing that Carlos is already typing out another message to him. He waits for it to come in.

If you are, feel free to ignore me. I know it’s kind of short notice to be making plans.

TK can only roll his eyes to this. How many times and how many ways does he have to show Carlos he has nothing else going on in the Austin? And even if he did, Carlos would always be the better option; any plans he may have had could easily be tossed to the backburner.

Ah, yes, let me check my oh so busy schedule. Please hold.

A few seconds later he sends:

Hmm, sitting around the house doing nothing. Online shopping. Scrolling through social media right before bed...yeah, sorry. Booked solid for the evening, I’m afraid

He takes a moment to appreciate his own humor before his phone is vibrating with an incoming call from Carlos.

“How may I help you?” he greets.

“Do you make it your mission every day to be a pain in the neck?” Carlos’ voice is so light and teasing it makes TK’s heart clench in his chest. He wonders if he’ll ever get used to the way they complement each other so perfectly.

“We all have special skills in life. One of mine just happens to be pushing your buttons, what can I say?”

Carlos groans and sighs. “What have I gotten myself into?” There’s no bite to it. If anything, TK can practically see the smile he knows is painted on Carlos’ lips right now.

“I told you there was no going back. So, what’s going on tonight?”

“Ah, right. I thought we could hang out and I could take you to one of my favorite bars downtown.”

TK’s shoulders stiffen at the mention of a bar. He hasn’t stepped foot in one in what feels like forever. He knows he isn’t obligated to drink and that Carlos probably wouldn’t even notice or care if he didn’t indulge. It’s just been easier to eliminate the temptation by steering clear altogether. But a Friday night out with Carlos isn’t something he can shy away from, especially not when Carlos sounds excited to share something special to him.

“Yeah, I could go for that,” he replies.

“Yeah? Great. I’ll text you the address and we could meet up around 9 or so. I hope you’re ready for some dancing.”

“Is this going to be a hoedown? A real, genuine Texan hoedown?”

Carlos’ laugh is strong and clear. TK feels like patting himself on the back for job well done. His favorite thing these last two weeks has been making that sound come about. It does something to his heart to know that Carlos is happy, mainly because of him.

“Yup. I’m looking forward to seeing your moves, New York.”

“I won’t disappoint. I can promise you that much.”

“I never had a doubt.”

TK opens his mouth to reply but can’t. His heart is racing and all he can picture is the two of them out on the dance floor, moving together. It’s an image that lays down roots in his mind and grows so large it’s all he can see.

“Damn, I have to get back to work but I’ll see you tonight, alright?” Carlos says, bringing TK back to the present moment. “I’ll send you the address in just a minute. See ya.”

The call ends before TK can even get a word out but he figures that’s for the best. Carlos has managed to stun him into silence, a feat not many people are capable of.

So maybe his budding friendship is proving to have more weight to it than he wants it to. All the telltale signs of a crush are there, regardless of if TK is ready for them to be or not. It’s not as if he had much of a choice, he reasons. Right from the start Carlos caught his eye and every day that they’ve spoken since has only served to strengthen that. The other man would make such offhanded remarks but TK had to wonder if Carlos was even aware or if it just came by so naturally that he truly didn’t notice. TK wasn’t sure which he preferred.

If Carlos wasn’t being intentional in his flirting, then they were truly just friends and he could be okay with that. Simply having someone to talk to so frequently that wasn’t related to him was a major win. But if there was some sort of hidden code behind his words, TK was almost nervous about uncovering it. In a life post-Alex, he hadn’t been prepared for the possibility of meeting someone he could actually see himself with. But maybe he was alone in thinking there was even something here. And that, TK knew above anything else, was the worst conclusion of all.

~*~*~

“I don’t know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it,” TK says as he and Carlos enter the bar.

“Maybe you’ve seen too many movies? It’s clouding your judgement.” Carlos bumps his shoulder lightly against TK’s arm.

“You might have a point there.”

It’s a lively night and the place is comfortably filled with people already out on the dance floor, moving along to the music being played by a live band in the corner. TK stays close to Carlos’ side even though the place isn’t that crowded and they aren’t likely to get separated. But Carlos doesn’t seem bothered by their proximity. He merely throws a warm smile over his shoulder at him as he leads them to the bar and TK does his best not to melt right there on the spot.

“What are you drinking?” Carlos asks, holding up his fingers to signal the bartender.

“I’m good with mineral water for now,” he replies casually, his eyes fixed on Carlos to see his reaction but the man simply nods and orders for them when the bartender comes over, opening a tab.

If there’s one thing TK has been learning about Carlos these last few weeks is that he doesn’t push in the way virtually everyone else he knows would have. TK appreciates that more than he’ll probably ever be able to express to Carlos.

He takes the glass Carlos hands him, slick with condensation and thanks him. TK is unable to pull his eyes away from Carlos’ mouth as it takes a sip from his beer bottle, his throat going a little dry. He soothes it with a swig of his mineral water and averts his gaze and instead focuses on something safer like the crowd of people dancing. The music becomes a bit more folky and the footwork a bit more intricate but TK is fairly confident he can follow along easily enough.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten,” Carlos says, forcing TK to glance back at him.

“What? About me dancing? Pfft, I can hold my own out there.”

Carlos eyes him from top to bottom and back again. It’s such a simple move and yet it makes TK’s skin tingle to be held in his gaze. Not for the first time since meeting Carlos, he wonders what the man thinks when he looks at him. Smugly, he hopes Carlos feels the energy between them too. Surely, he does, TK reasons. There was nothing casual about that look just now.

“Alright, let’s see it then.” Carlos downs the rest of his beer and sets it down on the bar. TK follows suit, finishing off his drink in kind.

He isn’t expecting Carlos to reach for his hand but he gives it up willingly, feeling warmth course through him that has absolutely nothing to do with being surrounded by people. Carlos leads them right to the center of the dance floor, a large smile on his face. He doesn’t waste a single second in falling into line with everyone else. TK does his best, trying hard not to look at his feet. That’d be a dead giveaway that line dancing is kind of a foreign concept to him. He manages well enough after a few seconds.

“There you go,” Carlos encourages.

TK can’t take his eyes off him. There’s something just so alluring about watching Carlos move freely, completely at ease and assured in his movements.

They keep dancing for a while, TK relaxing into it and matching Carlos beat for beat. The music eventually changes to something slower, couples remaining on the dancefloor and settling in close to each other. TK looks around at everyone before glancing to Carlos who gives him a questioning look. TK gives a small smile, silent confirmation that he doesn’t mind having this dance with Carlos. He keeps his eyes on Carlos’ face, trying to decipher the expression in them. It’s like he can see it all in real time, Carlos making the decision to try for something a little more. The man brings his face closer but TK stiffens in his hold and takes a step back.

“I think I’m gonna get some air. Just a sec,” he says, pursing his lips and walking off.

He’s cursing himself for panicking and being a coward. The most frustrating thing is knowing that had he been in a different place mentally, he absolutely would have followed through on kissing Carlos. He’s spent a fair bit of time over the last two weeks picturing what that would feel like. Here it was now the opportunity was presenting itself and TK’s initial reaction was to run.

He stands outside of the bar, leaning against the building with his eyes closed, replaying the exchange over and over.

“Do you just want to get out of here?” he hears Carlos say. When he opens his eyes, Carlos is standing right in front of him, his face unreadable. “We could go for a drive, if that’s alright with you.”

TK pulls in a breath and nods. What he wants to do is apologize a million times and let Carlos know that none of this is his fault. Carlos is truly perfect, almost scarily so as far as TK is concerned. He can barely take the shift in Carlos’ mood. Not even five minutes ago the man was smiling brightly. Now he looked unsure and uneasy, all because of TK. If he could have even a minute to explain, TK would be grateful. A car ride with just the two of them was ideal.

Carlos nods too and leads the way over to his car, the two of them climbing inside. Neither of them says a word as Carlos brings the car to life and begins to drive. TK knows he should be the one to break the silence but his thoughts are a riot in his mind and nothing makes sense. Every time he starts to form a sentence in his head, the words don’t sound right. Carlos keeps driving, eventually coming up to an empty area.

He stops the car and looks over at TK. In his eyes is fear and concern, so much so that TK feels guilty, already able to see that Carlos blames himself for the awkwardness earlier. It’s so incorrect and misdirected but Carlos is already speaking before TK can even dispel the man’s thoughts.

“I’m sorry about before. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Carlos’ chest rises and falls heavily. TK isn’t used to seeing him uneasy and it doesn’t sit well.

“God, Carlos, no. You didn’t—I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

TK sighs and tilts his head back against his seat. The silence in the car presses down on his ears but he needs a few seconds to get his thoughts in order.

“The whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing completely applies here, as cliché as it is,” he starts out, turning his head to look at Carlos.

Carlos’ expression is so serious, like he’s truly giving his full attention over to TK, like he sincerely wants to understand what he’s thinking or how he can help. The level of kindness and sincerity Carlos has shown him since day one is unparalleled and given how his last relationship ended, TK is in awe of the fact that someone is willing to extend this generosity to him.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me yet. In time, I really do want to share it with you because I think you could be good for me. Knowing you has already been good for me and you don’t even realize it.”

TK swallows thickly before pressing on. Carlos remains perfectly still, searching his face. TK can’t help the fluttering sensation in the pit of his stomach. This man owes him nothing and yet here he is, willing to hear him out.

“I was a bit of a mess back home. I was in a pretty serious relationship that sort of blew up in my face and I just…I couldn’t stay in the city anymore. My dad got offered the job down here and the timing…it seemed like the univere’s way of giving me something of a clean slate. I’m not where I want to be exactly but I’m working on it.”

He stops short then, his breathing shaky. This was more than he thought he’d share with Carlos this early on and while it feels scary to admit to such heavy things, it’s also freeing. Carlos may be new to his life but every instinct of TK’s is telling him that he can trust this man beside him.

Carlos finally moves, reaching out and holding onto TK’s hand. He doesn’t lace their fingers or anything, just simply holds on to it, as if reminding TK that there’s someone here with him. TK’s eyes start to sting with unshed tears.

“Thank you for telling me,” Carlos says. “I know it couldn’t have been easy. We don’t…I’m just happy to be your friend, honest. We don’t have to make something of this. Seriously, just knowing you is enough.”

Despite his best efforts to stop them, TK can feel traitorous tears running down his cheeks but he can’t find it within himself to be embarrassed over it. Being around Carlos is like existing in a judgement free zone. With his free hand, he wipes at his face and Carlos gives him a soft smile. The sight alone is like a balm over TK’s hurt.

Carlos leans forward, resting his forehead against TK’s. It’s such a tender expression that TK’s breath hitches and his heart skips a beat.

“You’re going to be okay,” Carlos says softly, confidently as if he has some crystal ball that can predict this.

Either way, TK gladly takes the assurance as a fact, clinging to that promise like a life raft in a heavy storm.

[thebusylilbee]

oriyala a réagi à votre billet “these days the small amount of time I spend reading new chapters of...”

:0 do you have any recs???? I wanna start reading more fic

Yes I have many !! Here are some that are still updating or that were completed very recently:

- Hold me by my heart by Muchadoloo is a very well thought out fic that takes the time to treat Yodito like a real child with real psychological needs, it’s very interesting and very lovely ! 

- No prison can hold by Lailuva started recently but I’m loving it so far, it’s set after episode 6 in an AU where Din got captured by the New Republic and Baby Yoda is sent to Luke Skywalker ! Also it’s partly set in the old EU so no Kylo Ren murdering the students mess :-)

- Cheirophilia series by Fox (Spacefoxen) and Novaed (novaori) is set in the LadyIrina AU where Din travels with the ex-stormtrooper Corin (I mean it’s the fic with the most kudos so do I really need to present it lol) and it just keeps getting better ! The Let Me Adore You part is incredible, the amount of research and rewrites that must have gone into making it is unreal !

- Clan Djarin series by EffieA focuses heavily on Mandalorian culture, which I love ! Basically Din meets an older and more liberal Mandalorian. It seems finished for now but I’m hoping we’ll get new episodes at some point...

- Dar’ Manda series by Maggie_GoldenStar1530 one of my favs, it also focuses heavily on Mandalorian culture and is just So Good ! Not saying too much to avoid spoilers but basically Din gets to meet again one of the adopted siblings he grew up with. 

- All things in balance series by Tamehistorian starts with a smart development on the events of episode 8 and then really becomes its own universe with the fic Forces beyond our control. As far as ‘Din goes to find info on the kid’s people’ fics go, this one hits all the right spots I think !

- Beneath different stars by Oceankat8 is an interesting spin on the LadyIrina AU since it’s a role reversal fic ! but don’t let that scare you lol it’s very nice so far. It’s staying true to the characters which seems very difficult for this type of AU so kudos to the writer !

- A distinct lack of Mandalorian mystique series by MissTeaVee follows Cara as she hangs out with Din and starts befriending the rest of the Covert and it is HILARIOUS, please read it in it’s entirety because the ending is also very satisfying.

- Collision Course by ZeevaWyte is set in the LadyIrina AU but at the time of the New Trilogy, Yodito gets captured by the Imps and Rey and Finn rescue him. It hasn’t updated in a month tho... I wanna know what happens next... :’(

And of course Family and Home by LadyIrina and the Love Like You series CoffeeQuill but these two are some of the most popular fics so I’m guessing you know them already !

[aleteia-ff]

A Decade To Find You - 3

Also Read On: AO3 | FF.net

Thank you everyone for the support! Unfortunately, school started again, so this update came in a bit later, but I'm definitely finishing this story! My current expectation is that it will end at 5 chapters, perhaps 4. This one turned out a lot longer than I'd anticipated, hence me coming back from my earlier estimate of 3 chapters!

I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Astrid didn't think much of the guy she bumped into just after midnight on January 1, 2010. It was just a hasty apology, a quip and a lop-sided grin from his side. It wasn't supposed to be special.Hiccup felt the same way. That was, until he locked eyes with her again one year later. And the year after that. And the next.But somehow, their destinies only seemed to intertwine that one night a year... On New Year's Eve.

Hiccstrid, New Year’s Eve Fic. Spanning the entire past decade.

Chapter 3: New Year’s Eve 2016

December 31st, 2016

Life came with a lot of difficult choices. Hiccup knew that all too well. Batman, Superman, or simply admitting that the DCEU, especially after Suicide Squad, didn't quite hold a candle to the MCU? It was a shame, really. He'd always loved Batman, had reread many of his old comics since 2014, even saw the humour in George Clooney's Batnipples. But perhaps Justice League would prove everyone wrong in 2017. Hopefully.

At least it hadn't been difficult to choose between Team Cap and Team Iron Man. As much as he adored Spider-Man, his father's opinion was simply more important. And Steve Rogers was their guy.

He felt silly to be spending energy on those dilemmas, but after all the shit he'd been through, it was a breath of fresh air to be worried about stuff that was simple. To have his life on the rails, to no longer be forced to sort through his father's will and figure out how to handle all the insurance and ownership documents. He'd even felt comfortable enough to go and study abroad, having spent the best part of the last half year in Melbourne while Gobber, Snotlout and Uncle Spite took care of what was now his house.

Uncle Spite had told him that it was fine if Hiccup wanted to sell it, that he would find a trustworthy real estate agent who got him his money's worth. It would allow Hiccup to buy an apartment in Hopeless, closer to university, and leave Berk and all the painful memories there behind.

He'd seriously considered the change of scenery, because of course it was difficult to forget what had happened when so many people around him knew. Not just the small family that remained. But also Mrs. Ack from down the street, who kept bringing him leftovers, because his thin frame had led her to assume he wasn't feeding himself properly. The Bog family, who lived a few houses away and whose eldest daughter, Camicazi, frequently stole his garbage bags long and put them at the side of the street for the truck to pick up. Everyone knew what had happened to him, and wanted to do their utmost best to support him. He didn't need it, and had told them to stop several times, painfully elated and awkward, rubbing the back of his head so hard he was surprised he hadn't gone bald yet. But Berkians were stubborn, and persisted nevertheless.

And the more time he'd spent in Australia, the more he'd started to miss Berk. He didn't know what it was about the town that had been his family's home for seven generations. But the moment he'd set foot in it again after returning from the other side of the world, it had simply felt like home. And for now, he had no intention to leave.

He didn't know what it was, exactly. Tuffnut and Ruffnut weren't around much, their band now touring the country and only returning as a service to Gruffnut, who had given them the necessary spotlight by booking them last New Year's Eve - although the way the twins told the story, it was Gruffnut who owed them, not the other way around. Fishlegs was studying at the Hopeless Institute of Technology - the name of which was a HIT with students in exam weeks - like him, so Berk wasn't where they saw each other most. Hiccup had grown closer to Snotlout however, some of his cousin's obnoxiousness having faded after his father passed away. Or it was simply being channelled into the roles he played with Berk's local musical theatre company.

Still, Hiccup felt something was keeping him in Berk. He didn't mind it, not in the slightest, it felt good, like he'd finally found a fragment of inner peace. But he didn't know what it was exactly.

And he didn't have time to think about it, since a voice snapped him out of his tragically derailed train of thought.

"What's on the menu?"

He had only heard it one time before, seven years ago. Yet he recognised it immediately.

He turned his head, looking right into the beautiful blue eyes of the woman next to him. He had to look down at her now, unlike on the first day of 2010, but felt incredibly tiny nevertheless. He'd thought he'd blown it when she'd fled from him last year, having rejected her himself the year before that one. But here she was, smiling at him with a teasing smirk on her face and making the ground underneath his feet disappear, sending him into a free fall.

"Hey - uh - hey -" He laughed sheepishly when he finally remembered how to form words, rubbing the back of his head, and her grin only widened. "Hi," he concluded more sternly, as if it would miraculously make up for his earlier stammering.

She bit her lower lip, laughing still and making his insides contract because he'd thought she couldn't look cuter, a dark blue beanie pulled over her ears, but of course she kept surprising him. "Hey."

For all the times he'd imagined spending time with her, he now realised he'd put embarrassingly little effort into what exactly he would say to her when the stars finally aligned.

There were a million thing he could say, but now that he had the chance, he couldn't come up with anything. His eyes flicked back to the wooden stall in front of him, to the choice he'd been trying to make, and he finally realised that she had already asked him a question he still had to answer.

"All of this is on the menu," he told her, widely gesturing at the space in front of him, a holiday market stall selling all kinds of New Year's treats and drinks from around the world. "I don't even know half of it, but I figured I should try something."

"How about you let me pick?" she proposed. "And I'll pay for it too, in case it's horrible."

"Only if you have it with me," he smiled, her smirk contagious. "And let me buy you a drink in return."

"Deal," she nodded, instantly stepping forward to examine the shop's showcase, her brows furrowing as she focused. Occasionally, she made an adorable sound when she not-so-silently judged the different kinds of food, and Hiccup found himself staring at her, cherishing the moment.

Because she hadn't disappeared yet.

He quickly pretended to be studying the sign that listed the available drinks when she glanced over her shoulder, shooting him another smile.

"Glühwein?" he asked, his voice shooting up as if he'd gone straight back to puberty.

"Nah." She shook her head, looking away from a moment. "I don't drink." She paused before adding: "Not anymore."

"I can respect that," he nodded, thinking back to the times he'd seen her considerably less sober. Despite only catching a glimpse of her, he was sure just last year had been one of those. And he couldn't deny that while he respected anyone enough to let them make their own decisions, she hadn't looked as well as she'd done the years before. As if there had been a little less light in her otherwise bright eyes.

She pulled up an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah," he shrugged, gesturing at his head. "Hangovers suck. Kills your brain too. And booze doesn't even always taste as good as people pretend it does."

"I'm glad you agree," she hummed.

"You make it sound like I'm special."

She took him in for a moment, as if she was seizing him up. "I guess you are. Most of my friends at university disagreed."

"Seems like you need better friends."

"Which is why I'm here." Her lips settled back into a smile. "And I think you still owe me a mug of hot chocolate."

He couldn't help but grin. "Sounds like a plan."

He ordered two mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream on top while Hot Chocolate Girl - her name, he had to ask for her name - picked out a snack she liked. They walked away from the stall with what she laughingly informed him were called 'Dutch doughnuts' - huge balls of deep fried dough with raisins in them, covered in about a pound of powdered sugar.

He asked her if she wanted to sit down.

"Of course," was her simple answer.

They zigzagged through the crowd, her leading so he wouldn't lose sight of her - not again - until they reached one of the market's squares. He thanked the Gods Luktuk had gotten spiteful and had organised its own winter market this year. Meaning it was a lot less busy and that there were actually some free spots. He had already started to dread the prospect of having to go and sit back with Snotlout. Not that Snot wasn't good company, but from the corner of his eye he could easily see his cousin, already sufficiently drunk, draw Barney Stinson's hot-crazy scale in the air, challenging Fishlegs and the twins to determine where Hot Chocolate Girl would land.

So much for Snotlout losing some of his obnoxiousness.

They sat down across from each other at one of the wooden picnic tables, and for a moment, Hiccup felt himself caught in how unreal the situation felt. He had thought of this girl for years, imagined what she might be like, chased by the notion that seeing her every year on one specific day couldn't be a coincidence. And now he had the chance to confirm that suspicion.

He laughed at himself for his superstition. He had no idea if she even had the same ideas about him. But she chuckled, too, and their eyes met again.

"What's your name?" he asked, curling his fingers around his mug.

"Astrid. Astrid Hofferson." She - Astrid - slowly moved her spoon, mixing the cream into the hot chocolate. "You?"

He blinked, somewhere surprised that she didn't know it already. That he had forgotten that she knew as little about him as he did about her. "I'm -"

He was going to offer her the formal introduction he gave any stranger. But that didn't feel right.

"People call me Hiccup."

Astrid - such a pretty name - pulled up her eyebrow. "Hiccup?"

"It's a nickname," he shrugged. "People close to me have been calling me that for as long as I've known. I was quite small as a kid." He held out his hand next to the table, at the same height his hip would now be. "Dad called me a little Hiccup, and it stuck. First with my cousin, who was in the same class as me in elementary school… And you know how kids are."

"Assholes," she noted.

"Definitely."

She reached for her pocket, whisking out her phone. She bit her lower lip as she started to type. "Are you Hiccup on Facebook too?"

He gave her a sheepish grin. "No, I actually don't have Facebook. Nor Instagram. Or Snapchat."

"Whoa. What century did you come from?"

"I'm not much of a social media guy," he tried to explain. "Not a fan of Mark Zuckerberg getting his hands on all my data."

"Yeah, he is a bit of a creep," Astrid nodded. "Shame I can't go without Messenger."

"Call me old-fashioned, but I can give you my number instead," he proposed. "I do have WhatsApp."

She frowned. "Didn't Facebook buy WhatsApp like two years ago?"

"Just an introduction to how consistent my principles are," he quipped.

"At least you have some. I'm just a regular sell-out." She swiped around on her phone for a moment, before handing it to him. She had opened a new contact, the name already filled out.

"Fake Foot Guy?" he laughed.

"It's not much worse of a nickname than 'Hiccup'," she shot back.

She'd had a nickname for him too. "Can't argue with that."

He typed his number into her phone and handed it back to her, feeling awfully giddy at how easy it was to talk to her. Astrid tucked it back into her jeans, and pointed at the curious snack in front of her. "After you."

"Whoa, Astrid," he objected, putting his hands up in the air. "You picked it out."

"Fine, I'll be the brave one," she joked, and lifted the doughnut, making a toast with it. "Bon appetit."

She took a bite, looking pensive as she chewed calmly before finally publishing her verdict. "It's not too bad, actually."

Encouraged, he began to eat as well, taking a big bite to show he wasn't a coward.

"You're right, not as bad as it looks."

"You doubted me?"

"Not even for a second."

She shook her head at him, working the rest of the doughnut down with impressive speed. She propped her head up on her hand as she waited for him to finish, playfully cocking her head and tapping her fingers on the table while grinning to herself.

"Hey, at least I'm taking the time to enjoy my food," he defended himself.

"Oh, that's now why I'm laughing," Astrid grinned. "You just have some sugar on your face."

"Where?"

Astrid gestured to her own face, drawing a circle in the air. "Everywhere."

Way to make an impression, Haddock. He hastily grabbed his napkin, but when he looked back up he found Astrid leaning over the table, tentatively reaching out to him with hers.

He sat there, frozen when she carefully wiped the tip of his nose as if it was the most obvious, the most natural thing to do. With her so close, he could count the few freckles on her cheeks, her entire presence kissed by the sun in a way people in Berk so rarely were. His eyes fell to her soft, pink lips, slightly chapped by the cold, and he considered hooking his finger underneath her chin and finding out if she still tasted like sugar too. But he figured she always did.

It felt like it was supposed to. It felt right. As if he'd never done otherwise. As if he was lucky enough to get to gaze into her beautiful blue eyes every single day.

While the truth was that he hardly even knew her.

"What do you do?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Huh?" Astrid blinked, then looked at her hand, her eyebrows shooting up as if she hadn't realised it belonged to her. "I'm sorry -"

"No, don't be," he told her as she backed away, already missing the closeness and sheepishly cleaning the remaining sugar off his face to occupy himself. "I just meant, what do you do on, you know, other days than New Year's Eve?"

"Oh." She sat down, wiped off her hands and tucked some of her hair back behind her ear. "Mostly volunteer work, these days. Trying to help people where I can."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, it's very satisfying." Her voice trailed off, making him raise an eyebrow.

"Sounds like there's a 'but'."

She smiled slightly. "It's not exactly long-term. I need to find an actual job eventually so I can move out and become an actual adult."

"Any ideas on that yet?"

She shook her head. "That's the issue. I went to uni to become a doctor so I could help people, but it wasn't for me. So this past year, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do instead."

"I don't see how that's an issue."

"Because it's not the way it's supposed to go!" Astrid exclaimed. "I always thought gap years were a waste of time, and now here I am, doing exactly what I vouched I never would."

"Life hardly ever goes how it's supposed to," he shrugged, taking a sip. "And it doesn't seem to me like you're not doing anything."

She cocked her head at him. "What makes you so sure?"

Because I feel like I've known you all my life. "You don't seem like the kind of person to lie in bed watching Netflix all week."

"Of course not," she snorted.

"And you probably volunteer like ten, twenty hours a week…" he murmured, trying not to grin.

"Thirty. At least," she corrected him. "Fifty maybe, if there's a kickboxing tourney in town."

"Okay, public service announcement, don't pick a fight with Astrid," he quipped, painting the words in the air. "Although it's unlikely kicking your ass fits her schedule, because she works so godsdamned hard."

Astrid gave him a determined look. "I can always take time out of my day for special cases."

"Lucky me, people have been telling me I'm very special all my life," he mock-gaped. "What are the odds!"

"About the same as those of living in a town with one hundred thousand people, but nevertheless seeing the same person eight New Year's Eves in a row?"

He froze and looked at her, the way his blue eyes peered into his, searching for something. "You realised it too," he gaped, his voice suddenly a lot softer.

"Of course I did," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I may be a drop-out, but I'm not stupid."

"Didn't meant to imply you were, just…" he laughed at himself. "I thought I was the weird one."

"I don't think you're weird," Astrid reassured him. "Just a dork."

"Do you…" he started, his throat suddenly dry. "Do you think it's a coincidence?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out."

He was staring at her again, wondering if leaning across the table and kissing her would be an acceptable way of 'figuring it out'. If she would find it inappropriate, or if she would wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him back until their position inevitably became uncomfortable.

He could get up and walk to the other side of the table, sit down on the bench next to her and pull her into his lap, curl his arms around her and hold her until the clock hit midnight. So she wouldn't vanish, not this year. Ask her to come home with him, or meet him again tomorrow, because they had only barely talked and he already couldn't imagine never hearing her voice again. Because it had been enough to catch a hint of how she was brave, passionate, selfless, and smart. And he wanted to know everything else there was to learn about her.

He was snapped out of it by Astrid clearing her throat. "So what about you?"

He blinked profusely and sat back, not even realising he'd been leaning forward. "Huh?"

"What do you do?"

"Oh, I -" He took a deep breath, trying to push away the heat in his cheeks through sheer force of will. "I'm still studying. Trying to become an engineer."

"What kind?"

"For a long time, I wanted to do something with aviation," he elaborated, studying her face for a trace of boredom but finding her eyes opening up instead. "Like, my room is full of sketches of rockets, air planes, flight suits."

"Flight suits?"

"Yeah, you know, so people can fly themselves." He moved his arms, demonstrating the idea until she laughed and made him realise how stupid he made himself look. "It'd probably be a regulatory nightmare though, given that airports already aren't happy with people flying drones." He grinned. "So naturally, I got myself one for Christmas."

Astrid leaned forward, giving him a knowing look. "Does it fly yet?"

"No, but -" He continued, despite Astrid's chuckles. "That's only because I'm making some modifications."

"Sure," Astrid teased.

"It's true! Sticking to the basics takes all the fun out of it."

"Basic planes do sound a lot safer to me, you know," Astrid countered.

"Well, you're in luck, because that's what I was getting to," he explained. "I've loved planes all my life but recently, I've been giving a lot of thought to this thing. You know, what gave me my superhero name." He grinned, vaguely gesturing to his left foot. "The longer I live with it, the more ideas I get to improve it. So maybe I should do that instead." He shrugged. "Help people like me."

Astrid smiled softly. "I think that's a wonderful idea."

"Me too."

He could only smile back as a silence settled between them. It wasn't uncomfortable - on the contrary, he felt he could do this all day, simply look at her, the sounds of the busy market around them seemingly non-existent. Suppress the urge to reach out towards her, unwrap her delicate fingers from around her mug just so he could study them.

He felt like Tarzan - minus the dreadlocks, broad chest and any other kind of muscle definition - wanting to pull off just one of the gloves of his Jane. Not that she was his, of course, he barely knew her name, for years he had known nothing more than that her smile warmed his heart and that every moment they shared seemed to last forever. Besides, he was a 21st century man who didn't believe women to be his property in any way. In fact, he didn't mind a woman who looked like she could kick his ass instead.

But he cherished the thought of carefully taking her fingers in his, treat them delicately despite her obvious strength, and press their palms flat against each other. To get a sense of just how real she was, her warm skin against his, treat her as if she was the first woman he'd ever laid eyes on. Because in a weird way, it felt like it. Then again, everything about this was weird, but in a way that made his heart beat faster.

He could do it. Take her hand, wrap his fingers around it and simply hold them. He would settle for that, and not let her go for the rest of the night. Not even when the fireworks started. He wasn't concerned with those. He was just wondering if they would also go off in his head the moment he kissed her.

Or he could finally realise he was staring at her like a fool, way longer than any sane person would. He blinked profusely, and she cocked her head at him, clearly amused as she took another sip.

He cleared his throat, trying to come up with something smooth, or another topic, but he found himself speechless. "There's so much I want to ask you," he laughed, embarrassingly awkward. "But I can't think of anything."

"Really?" Astrid teased. "Nothing?"

How old are you? Do you prefer dogs or cats? Sushi: overpriced raw fish or actually quite okay? How do you feel about Brangelina getting divorced? Who is your favourite character in Friends? Will you think less of me if I admit I exercised almost every day last Summer, but that ninety-nine percent of that was walking around town catching Pok émon? What even is Brexit?

Do you feel like there 's something here too? Do you like me, even a little bit?

"I just don't know where to start," he shrugged.

"Perhaps you could Google it," she grinned, seemingly content with letting him drown.

"You know, there are actually lists for that," he pointed out, pulling another useless fact out of his repertoire. "Questions to ask on dates."

"Oh?"

He treasured the fact that she didn't ask whether this was a date. So he leapt again. "Yeah. Like a list of 36 questions that 'guarantee' two people will fall in love with each other."

She snorted. "Now that sounds like yak dung." He opened his mouth to agree, but she added: "So go ahead."

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, like a confused goldfish, not having expected to get this far. "I don't know them by heart…"

"You don't do this often?"

He liked the twinkle in her eyes, the way she consistently teased and challenged him. No, he loved that.

"But there was this one question that stuck with me, regardless," he continued. "If you were able to live to the age of ninety, and retain either the mind or the body of a thirty year-old for the last sixty years of your life…. Which one would you want?"

Astrid answered nearly instantly. "Body."

Well, if I had yours, that's what I'd pick too.

"And that's not to sound vain," she elaborated before he could comment. "It's not about that at all, but the thought of becoming so old that I can no longer move around on my own, that I'd need help to get everywhere, or that I simply don't have the energy to do the things I love anymore… I'd hate that. I would lose my independence, my freedom. I don't know what it's like to be thirty yet, of course, but if I got to live the next sixty years feeling like I do right now, but with more and more experience as time goes by, I'd sign up for that." She grinned. "And of course, not getting any wrinkles, or menopause, is an upside too."

"Not sounding vain, right?" he quipped, earning him a punch in his shoulder.

"I gave you a serious answer!"

"I know, I know!" He put his hands up in the air. "But hey, don't blame yourself for being gorgeous."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Hiccup…"

He liked the way she said his name. He hoped she would do it again. "Look, if you can't take a compliment, that's not my fault."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes. "You're not bad yourself either."

He tried not to bask in that comment, in the knowledge that she might like him, even a little bit. He did his best to wipe his grin off his face and continue where they left off. "But I get what you mean, I suppose. People say that you need three things to live a happy life." He counted on his fingers. "Time, energy, and money. If you're young, you have time and energy, but no money. When you're a proper working adult, you have energy and money, but no time. And once you've retired, you've finally got time and money, but no energy. So I don't think your choice is that strange at all. Let alone vain."

"Well, that's one way to get depressed," Astrid huffed.

He gave her a wry smile. "Leave it up to me to brighten the mood, I guess."

"No worries, it won't keep me up at night," Astrid shrugged. "So what about you? What would you pick? If you remembered the question, you probably thought about what you'd answer too."

"I did," he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "It's… interesting, but I always thought the answer was obvious. Then you made some really good points, and -"

"And I'm interested in yourreasoning, not your backpedalling."

"Okay…" He shifted, pushing his bangs back. "I'd choose mind. I'd never thought about those things you mentioned, about the whole 'walking around with a walking frame' part of getting old. Especially with my leg and all." He vaguely gestured beneath the table. "Whenever I think about reaching those ages, my mind always goes to the documentaries, the news reports about people with dementia. Because I just find them so incredibly… scary."

Astrid nodded at him and he briefly chewed on his lower lip before he continued. "The thought of getting Alzheimer's, of digressing until you forget yourself and the people around you… I don't think it runs in my family, at least not the early version of it, as far as I know, but I know that doesn't make me immune and it's just -" He sighed. "I know we all die eventually, that's inevitable. But I wouldn't want to go like that."

"Me neither," Astrid softly said, glancing at her hands. "Can I still change my pick? No use in feeling fit if you don't remember what to do with it."

"Or we could team up," he joked, wanting her to smile again. "One preserved body, one preserved mind."

"Sounds like a plan," Astrid laughed. "When I'm old and senile, you just tell me what to do and I will carry you around when you can no longer walk yourself."

"Perfect!" he agreed, grinning. "Match made in heaven."

Astrid cocked her head, observing him as her lips settled back into a slight smile. "It'd seem that way."

Had they both just implied they'd still be in each other's life years from now? Was he reading too much into that? Into the way Astrid's eyes seemed to soften the longer she looked at him, in how he was struggling to remember the last time he'd felt both this excited and this at ease?

He should just ask her. Show that he wasn't afraid to step up and declare he liked her more than he should like anyone he'd talked to this shortly.

"Do you -"

He was interrupted by a loud crash, a shout coming from the other side of the square, the world suddenly larger than just the two of them. He twisted his head to see a guy with fiery red hair stumble backwards, reaching for his eye.

"Dagur!" Astrid jumped up, sprinting in the direction of the sound as the man - Dagur? - balled his fist.

And punched the guy Hiccup only now recognised as Snotlout right in his nose.

"Fuck," Hiccup muttered, rushing after Astrid.

Snotlout recoiled, grasping his nose, blood seeping out from between his fingers as he ran into Dagur shoulder first. Ruffnut and Tuffnut cheered as the two fell over, crashing into the bench Fishlegs had been sitting on until a second ago. What the Hel had they gotten themselves into?

Astrid reached them before Hiccup did, shouting in exasperation at the men rolling around on the ground. "What the fuck are you doing!?"

No one gave her nor the small crowd that had gathered the answer they were looking for. Astrid rolled her eyes, digging her nails into Dagur's leather jacket and pulling him off Snotlout with a show of strength that seemed to surprise Dagur too and left Snotlout on the ground, wide-eyed.

Dagur tried to rush back in, but Astrid yanked him back. "Nope, you're not ruining my night, not this year." She twisted his arm behind his back when he moved again, making him yelp. "You can go berserk in your own time!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Dagur sputtered, his left eye blue with something Hiccup didn't know was a bruise or a tattoo. "He hit me first!"

"You were asking for it!" Snotlout yelled, coughing as blood streamed into his mouth from his obviously broken nose.

"Nah." "Not really." The twins countered instantly, crossing their arms.

Hiccup rushed over to Snotlout as he got back up, and put his hands on his shoulders. "Whoah, Snot, calm down."

"Move over," Snotlout insisted. "Let me at him!"

"Dude, your nose's broken," he argued as calmly as he could, trying to use his height advantage to prevent Snot from moving.

"You know him?"

He looked back over his shoulder at a sceptical Astrid, her eyebrow pulled up, Dagur's efforts to squirm out of her hold futile. He didn't know whether to yell at Snotlout or simply stand there and be impressed with how well she handled guys two times her size. Make a bad and inappropriate joke about her handling him, sometime…

"My cousin," he shrugged, trying to make clear that he also didn't ask for this. Out of all the nights Snotlout had to be, well, Snotlout…

"Nice family you got there," Astrid snorted.

"Right back at you."

"Nope." Astrid shook her head. "Best friend's brother."

"Oh my Thor… You broke my nose!" Snotlout suddenly yelped, as if he'd only just realised it.

"Heh. You kind of sound like Hiccup, talking through your nose and all," Tuffnut commented.

"You gave me a black eye!" Dagur yelled.

"I'm gonna sue you!"

"Playing the lead role in a local production of Grease doesn't make you an American, Snot," Hiccup bit, trying to glance over Dagur's shoulder, where Astrid was trying to hold her grip. "Astrid -"

"Is there are doctor around!?" Snotlout whined.

"I hope so, cause you need one, to fix your head!" Dagur bellowed.

"Guys, fighting doesn't solve anything, please stop…" Fishlegs tried weakly.

Dagur surged forward with such force that the last thing Hiccup saw was Astrid tumbling backwards on the ground, right before Dagur collided with him and Snotlout. They landed in a pile of limbs, both real and fake, Hiccup's elbow landing right in Snotlout's stomach and Dagur's knee digging into his thigh. He cried out in pain, trying to push Dagur off him but ending up as the heavily abused third wheel, caught in the crossfire while neither Snotlout nor his assailant paid any actual attention to him.

"Alright, fine, then we'll try it this way."

His misery was interrupted by a few flashes of blond, followed by pained yelps from Dagur. Finally free, he sputtered and rolled off of Snotlout. He pushed himself up, glancing around to thank his saviour and finding Astrid next to him, perched up on Dagur, holding his arms behind his back as he was lying face down on the floor. Looking uncannily comfortable, as if she was doing this every day.

"We should probably get out of here before the cops get here," she casually remarked.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were currently undercover," he grinned, distractingly offering Snotlout a not-so-helping hand while keeping his eyes on the most badass woman in the world. He was happy she wasn't with the police though. He didn't need the idea that she could end up like his father.

"You caught me," she laughed. "I'm trying to get a breakthrough in the curious case of cute guys who only appear on New Year's Eve."

He could feel his face change colour. Along with his hand when Snotlout gripped it, leaving it sticky with blood as his cousin hauled himself up.

"Geez, can no one hand him a tissue?" he asked, agitated. Ruffnut shrugged as if there was no other sensible option, zipped open her coat and tore off part of her shirt, handing it to Snotlout, who promptly pressed it to his nose.

"Astrid -"

"Oh Gods," Snotlout gasped, glancing at the piece of fabric and seeing how red it had gotten in mere seconds. "That's a lot of blood."

"- this is not how -"

"Am I dying?"

"- I thought this would go -"

"I'm definitely dying."

"- but thank you, and -"

"But I'm too young and handsome to die!"

"And I think you should get your charming cousin to the ER," Astrid smiled, softly patting Dagur's head when he struggled again.

"I'm sorry," Hiccup tried. So this was how it ended. His first true chance in seven years.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Astrid reassured him with yet another smile.

That phrase stayed with him as he told her goodbye, dragging Snotlout away from the crowd, the others following in his wake. It was echoing through his head when the clock hit midnight in the waiting room of the hospital and Snotlout lamented this being the worst New Year's ever, his complaints unheard because Hiccup himself simply disagreed. He was on cloud nine despite the hospital smell, despite having to explain to the twins that bringing booze into the ER to 'have a bit of a party after all' wasn't socially acceptable behaviour, despite being semi-traumatised by Fishlegs Googling every single medical condition a nosebleed could be a symptom of. No matter how often Hiccup pointed out that there was a direct correlation between the position of Snot's nose, the unstoppable force that had met it and the voluminous amount of blood.

Astrid's words were still with him when he woke up the following morning, feeling like he had a hangover despite not having drunk any alcohol. But in a good way. The best way. The kind that made him giddy and excited, anxiously glancing at his phone while he tried to go about his day.

And they didn't leave him until by the end of January, Astrid still hadn't called.

[snowbellewells]

A Fic-aversary and an Apology

Okay, folks, I really hate to do this (and have tried really hard not to up until now) but I am going to have to skip a week on my CSSNS MC “Run to Me (in the Dead of Night)”.  I’ve been really busy with my job, plus lots of crammed weekends running here and there where I didn’t have time to grade or write.  Then, I started feeling like where I was going in chapter ten and on from there needed to deviate from my initial plan, and it just wasn’t going to happen in two days’ time.  I’ve been a couple days late the last two weeks and then it’s even less time to get the next one written, and so on.  So, I really apologize and don’t mean to keep you waiting too long, but it will be next Friday before I have chapter ten for you. What I do have instead is a fic I wrote about a year and a half ago, before I was terribly good at posting on Tumblr that I’m bringing back for a bit of an anniversary. It’s near and dear to my heart, and I would love for more folks to see it.  

Most importantly: It has gorgeous cover art now, which I am just in love with, made for me by @hollyethecurious !!  She really made it more beautiful and eye-catching.  

Anyway, to tide you over until next week (and I hope to also FINALLY update my CSRomCom au again this weekend as well) enjoy “Looking for a Heart (that’s not Walking Away)”!!!

(Liam x Belle multichapter fic, canon divergent from about 5x15/5x16)

(This one was a completely new and different fic attempt for me.  Not only does it go AU from about the middle of 5b, but it changes a lot of what happened with Liam in 5x15, and while some of 5x16 and 5x17 happened, some of it didn’t.  Beyond all that, it’s putting a large focus on characters I haven’t written much before, and one that we really haven’t seen a lot of to characterize in the same way that I can work with say Emma and Killian.  Still, I couldn’t get the idea out of my head, and finally found that I had to give this a try.  It doesn’t explain how everything happened right away, but events will be filled in as the story progresses.  I feel like this is a bit of a mix between canon divergence and AU.  Slow burn friendship/relationship for Belle and Liam; sideline CS and others.  I definitely don’t own them, just having fun imagining.  I’d love to hear what you think!!)

*I will also attempt to add ff.net links to the rest of the chapters at the end...

“Looking for a Heart that’s Not Walking Away”

chapter one: like ships in the night

          In the wee, cold hours of the morning, anyone walking Storybrooke’s town square would have seen only peaceful, vacant storefronts and the dim stillness of a little hamlet still fast asleep; or they would until they reached the library and found one solitary light burning stubbornly in the back of the building.  Most residents and visitors knew the building and the sweet, brunette librarian who kept the place with pride, but even without the whole story, they also knew she had not been the same since her return from the Underworld with the rest of the heroes.  The light burning in the middle of the night, and the large, dark circles under the clearly sleepless woman’s eyes when one saw her in Granny’s Diner the next morning picking listlessly at her pancakes and syrup, were only outward signs of her inner turmoil and pain.  

          This particular night turned earliest bit of morning, Belle Gold sat at the circulation desk, a cup of lavender tea, which she had hoped would soothe her and induce sleep, long gone cold at her elbow, and a large, gilt-edged book open before her.  In her insomnolent state, she had returned to this once-favorite story for help, but instead she found herself wishing to violently rip the pages from its spine, more troubled than ever as she huddled on the high stool pulled up to the counter to perch on as she read and wrapped her dressing gown more tightly around herself against the now-familiar questions swirling in her mind: ‘What did I ever see in this story?’ ‘How stupid could I have been?’ ‘What ever made me think I could influence anyone or be a hero?’ ‘Every attempt I’ve ever made went wrong and only made things worse…’

          Shivering against the drafts of a still-chilly April night and the cold certainty that she was nothing but a fraud; so naively convinced of her pretty ideals but completely ineffectual at doing anything with them when the moment of truth had come, Belle knew rest and peace were far from coming.  A tear ran silently down her pale cheek as she thought of all that had happened – the tangled, progressively darker events which made up her own story – and she sucked in a ragged breath, trying to keep it from turning into the wrenching full-bodied sob she felt rising within her.  Though she had fought so valiantly hard, it would seem her tale could not possibly end in happily ever after now.  All her efforts at love and bravery – at goodness – had turned to dust in her hands, crumbling like the shriveled brown flower Hades had used to taunt her after Gaston’s fall into the River of Lost Souls.  

          The only thing keeping her from falling apart completely, she thought ruefully as one small, graceful hand lowered to rest protectively on her slightly protruding belly was the tiny being she had wished for so long.  This baby should have been a lovely, innocent symbol of her and Rumple’s love, a living hope and second chance – for her husband, and for herself – and now Rumple would never even know his second born child.  Though Belle was not sure what she had left to give this unborn babe, her hope and belief nearly dried up and vanished forever, its growth inside her was what kept her from lying down on the floor of her precious library and never rising again.  All of her gumption, her resolve, her joy, were gone, deserting her as completely as they had ever filled her before, and the fact that her child would need her was all to which she could truly cling.

          Eventually, just as the dark night turned early morning and lightened to grey, and the faintest traces of sunrise began to streak the sky, Belle’s head lowered, the side of her face coming to rest on the printed page of the book she had so loved once upon a time, her impossible, idealized version of a hero pressed to the soft, pale skin of her cheek as she slumped over the counter in a restless sleep…

          As she dreams, she is once more in the Underworld, brought by the man she has tried so hard to win back from the Beast within – the pressing roar in his ear of magic and power – the man who, despite it all, she has never ceased loving, to the very throne of the Lord of the Dead. Rumple’s hand clenches her forearm so tightly it hurts, and she realizes with stark clarity that even the Dark One is no match for a deity.  Rumple is sorely afraid, though he doesn’t let his outward appearance show it.

          From there, the moments progress like an inexorable nightmare.  So soon after her inadvertent actions against Gaston, things already seem hazy and unreal; she can barely comprehend the showdown forming between her husband and Hades. Fire and light shoot back and forth, crashing against one another in the middle and neither attack striking its intended target.

          Winded, panting, nearly falling to his knees with exhaustion, Rumple finally raises a hand in surrender, as she runs to support him and help him back up, seeing the drained former spinner without his precious might and the upper hand.  Putting a bracing hand beneath his elbow, she steadies Rumple as he stands once more and intends to do so as he moves forward, until he turns to her, bringing them to a halt.

          Meeting Belle’s eyes in that moment, Rumplestiltskin’s gaze shows pain and infinite regret; only somewhere beneath those emotions is the love lingering for her, love that she had always wanted to believe would triumph over the Dark One’s lies.  “I am so sorry, Belle.  For so many things…” he whispers brokenly, the back of his hand stroking her cheek as lightly as the mere brush of air in a breath, as if hesitant to hurt her more than he has already. “I have put you through more pain than any love should have to bear…only to have it all come to this in the end.”

          Pulling his gaze away from her face, Belle sees her husband’s eyes slide back to meet the god’s controlled, implacable stare and subtly shifts forward to stand in front of her, partially shielding her from Hades’ view.  Her heart is swept up in pride for him at this moment of real, selfless bravery, even as it then breaks when his next words sink in. “Very well, Hades,” Rumplestiltskin hisses, sounding as reptilian and menacing as Killian has always insisted, his sharp eyes flashing even as he concedes.  “You know that I cannot best you, but with the powers of the Dark One and its immortality, you cannot end me either.  Let Belle and our child go, and I will serve you by finding you a replacement soul, one that will prove much more satisfactory than a mere infant.”

          The silent air crackles around them, and Belle opens her mouth to cry out, “Rumple, no!” and pull him back, both terrified at what the Lord of the Underworld might do, and horrified anew that Rumple could once more offer up another person’s soul as if it were his to barter, even as she had thought for once he was making a heroic sacrifice.  But she feels his fingers curl around her even more firmly, and a tingle runs up her whole arm, holding her in place, words bottled in her throat no matter how she tries to force them out, until she realizes that Rumple is using his magic to hold her back and keep her silent.  Emotions rise in a confusing swirl, and Belle is not sure if she is moved by his desperate bid to protect her or impotently furious at his overriding her free will.

          Hades tilts his head to the side, coming closer as he studies his nemesis calculatingly.  “Let me see,” he mused, wearing a face that gives the sense of bored unconcern, even Belle with no magic or powers beyond human intuition knows the god is toying with his prey – if pressed, she has seen much the same look on Rumple’s face too many times as the Dark One.  “An intriguing proposition,” he drawls out the words slowly, as if tasting the flavor of some delicacy on his tongue, “…but do I believe you?”

          “You would do well to take me seriously,” Rumple vows, iron in his voice and threat on his tongue.  “I may not win, but you will be battling me until the judgment day, neither of us able either to triumph or to pass on.”  He steps forward as well, standing taller with a hint of the malice that shows at the heights of his power, limp nearly unnoticeable as he meets Hades and reaches out his hand.  “You want to take this deal, trust me,” Rumplestiltskin asserts, nearly baring his teeth as he does so.  “I will be your right hand, Hades – if you spare my wife and my unborn child, never to trouble them again.”

          Hades tilts his head, studying the Dark One with amused curiosity as if he is some new species the deity has never seen before. “I’d be a fool to trust you for even a moment,” he replies coolly, “and I know you will only serve me as long as it takes you to find an escape.  Yet…” he takes a moment to muse as if there is no trouble or threat at all, Belle resenting all the while that he can balance all their lives in his hands while appearing not to have a care in the world.  Finally, he gives a quick, decisive nod, his pondering resolved. “If I’ve already gotten what I need from you by then, why shouldn’t I be free of your tiresome, disloyal presence?”

          Belle is sure there is some horrible drawback, some hideous fine print somewhere which has been missed – added to the fact that Rumple is bartering someone else’s soul for their safety – and she hates being forced to stand idly by, no one paying her any mind.  Her husband moves to shake the god’s hand, and she begs silently, regardless of whether either of them can hear, “No, Rumple, please don’t do this!  There must be a better way!”

          Without deviating from his original intent, Rumplestiltskin leans even more toward the Lord of the Dead, not allowing himself so much as a glance at her, solely focusing on Hades, alert for any move or threat from his dangerous adversary.  Their hands meet in between, as if to shake on the arrangement, and a burst of magical power so ground shaking shoots out sparks, tossing both Hades and Rumple apart. It topples Belle to the ground, momentarily blinded by the white hot flash and breathless from the impact, her awareness shattered.  For a time, she knows no more, and when she comes back to herself, she is lying on the moving floor of the library elevator they had taken down to Hades’ inner sanctum, and the door is sliding open to reveal the Underworld’s version of her beloved haunt.  As the lift reaches the top and halts, Belle sees that she is also utterly alone…

          A few scratching sounds and a thump against the outer door of the Storybrooke Library, followed by the sound of something metal picking at the lock, the doorknob rattling, and an accented male voice calling her name hopefully, before the tell-tale sound of the lock clicking free, awakens her just a couple of hours later, still early morning, but light now.  She hears the sound of more than one pair of booted feet striding toward her as she blinks dazedly and surfaces from the flashback-dream and her tormented rest. Shooting upright quickly, hoping they haven’t seen her pathetically asleep where she fell, Belle nearly loses her balance and topples off the stool she’d been perched on.  Wincing at the pain in her lower back from sleeping in such an awkward position, Belle tiredly rubs her eyes and tries to focus on her early visitors.

          Only a second later, she registers Killian Jones’ voice jovially greeting her as he walks toward her across the open entryway and also hears the low, warm chuckle behind him from Liam, his revived older brother.  She had been introduced to him as they were all working together to leave the Underworld, but she has not had much occasion to be around him since, and so she is surprised by his seemingly easy good humor, and the sparkle in his eyes that much resembles the one she’s often seen in Killian as they’ve researched some Big Bad threatening the town or discussed favorite books over lunch.

          Startled, she lets hesitant brown eyes come to meet his friendly, open gaze and gives what she hopes is a welcoming smile as she teases Killian in hopes of keeping his usual perceptiveness from picking up on her disheveled, unhappy state.  “What brings the Jones brothers to my library at the crack of dawn?”

          Killian flashes her a devious wink, before nodding his head to her briefly in a playfully slight bow, “Ah, but wouldn’t you like to know, Lass?” he teases.  His voice is bright and jovial, and there is a happy twinkle in his ocean-blue gaze that has been absent in many instances where she has seen him appear dazed or haunted since his return to life and the world above.  She simply has to return the mischievous grin – happy for this former enemy who has become a true friend, proud of him (though it may not be her place) that he has found the strength Rumple never quite mustered to change for the better, make right the wrongs within his power to mend, and became the man he was always meant to be.

          Tilting her head to study both of the men before her with friendly curiosity, she begins checking in the small stack of books Killian has carried in with him to return.  Liam meets her eyes but doesn’t speak, his smile warm and friendly, but his general bearing more restrained than his younger brother’s.  They certainly resemble each other – well-formed, strong features, straight noses and piercing eyes – but Liam is a bit taller, slightly broader of shoulder, and with fairer hair beginning to grow out enough to show curls that Killian’s straight, dark, shaggy locks don’t possess.

          Deciding to get to know the intriguing man before her a bit better, Belle chooses to ignore Killian’s baiting and glances at his older brother from beneath lowered lashes.  “And what about you?” she asks softly, “Do you enjoy reading as much as Killian does?” For some reason she has to fight a tremor in her voice as the words leave her mouth, and a thrill of nervous awareness racing up her spine as Liam Jones’ lips angle up into a fuller smile.

          “Aye, Mrs. Gold, I do indeed,” he replies, with a succinct, definite nod of his head as he steps closer, right up to the counter of the circulation desk between them, while Killian wanders away into the stacks to look for new volumes.  “We share our love of the written word, ever since I first taught him to read when we were boys, though Killian has always tended more toward daring adventure tales, epic fantasy and the like.  I’m a bit of a history buff myself – love learning how kingdoms rise and fall and how leaders are formed.  There is much to garner from such real events that have come before.”

          Belle bobs her head in an excited nod, warming to the topic as she leans over the counter, absorbed by his words in spite of herself and forgetting the pain and confusion of the dream vision to a more pleasant topic.  “I know exactly what you mean!  There are so many good records, biographies, accounts of battles, journeys, and expeditions – it’s amazing to learn what that must have been like, to imagine traveling alongside such great adventurers when such momentous enterprises were being undertaken.”  She pauses to draw in a breath, having begun to speak quickly in her excitement. Amusement shines in the look Liam Jones levels at her across the desk, but understanding and a sort of relief that intrigues her glows from his expression to warm her as well.

          Belle makes an impulsive decision in that moment, wanting to share something she still loves and finds joy in with someone else who has weathered and survived much and clearly loves it too.  Moving to stand quickly, with the intent to take Killian’s brother to their nonfiction section and show him some of her favorite tomes, Belle forgets for a moment how much her subtly widening stomach throws her off balance and pitches forward as she slips off the stool, then cries out softly as overcorrecting to catch herself pulls at her back painfully.

          Liam is around the counter and at her side in an instant, one hand on her arm to steady her, the other coming to rest at her waist.  “Steady on, Lass.  Easy there,” he murmurs with soothing concern.

          Killian darts back out from where he’d ventured, good arm full of novels and brows pinched together with worry.  “What is it?  What’s wrong?” he asks.

          Belle shakes her head, offering Liam a grateful smile, even as she blushes in embarrassment and also feels warmth flood her at his contact with her body.  She tries to calm both of them – conscientious, old-fashioned, chivalrous gentleman through and through – and step away.  “N-nothing.  I’m fine. Just lost my balance is all. …Th-thank you though, Captain Jones,” she adds sincerely to Liam.  Unthinkingly, she raises her hand to her neck which feels cramped and stiff as well, wincing slightly before she even realizes.

          Killian, observant as ever and an especially intuitive friend when it comes to her, notices her moving gingerly and guesses at her sleeplessness, speaking gently as he touches his metal appendage to her shoulder and impels her to look back up at him simultaneously.  “Still not resting, Love?” he asks, already seeming assured of the answer.  “You’ve been sitting at that counter all night, haven’t you?”

          Sheepishly, the tiny brunette dips her chin to her chest in the slightest of nods, feeling even smaller under the concerned scrutiny of these two tall, strong former naval officers.  It isn’t worth denying the fact; Killian already knows the truth. She had confided in him long ago, even before their trip to Camelot, her sleeplessness from a broken heart.  He is certainly astute enough to realize that the organ is now only more broken.

          What startles her however, is his proper older brother’s reaction.  In interactions, Liam has always been friendly but reserved; now, he ushers her forward, an arm coming around her waist to guide her toward the reading lounge she has set up by the windows and into an overstuffed, comfortable chair. “Milady Belle, sit, please. You’re with child.  You must take care of yourself.”

          She doesn’t fight him, letting him lead her to the seat and settling into it with an actual sigh of relief.  And he surprises her again by kneeling before her and grasping her delicate hand in his much larger one, enveloping it completely. There is an open, earnest look on his face that both soothes and puzzles her as he gazes up into her face and asks her if there is aught else they can do or fetch for her.

          Liam himself doesn’t understand what has come over him as he looks up into the weary, hurting face of this lovely but lonely young woman.  All he is certain of – and he knows he will speak to Killian about why she isn’t sleeping, what she has been through – is the concern for her he feels.  He wants to find out why she is so sad, and to find a way to make it better.  His resolve is firm, even if not fully understood, and he senses the beginning of a new mission, a new adventure.

Link to Chapter Two: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/2/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Chapter Three:  https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/3/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Chapter Four: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/4/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Chapter Five: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/5/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Chapter Six: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/6/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Chapter Seven: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/7/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Chapter Eight: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/8/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Chapter Nine: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/9/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Chapter Ten (Epilogue): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12138837/10/Looking-for-a-Heart-that-s-not-Walking-Away

Tagging a few who may enjoy (sorry if not, or if you’ve already read it, but thought even previous readers might want to see its new art! ;) : @kmomof4 @searchingwardrobes @winterbaby89 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @effulgentcolors @aloha-4-ever @winterbythesea @hollyethecurious @laschatzi @jennjenn615 @therooksshiningknight @ohmakemeahercules @shireness-says @resident-of-storybrooke @spartanguard @revanmeetra87 @teamhook @vvbooklady1256 @xemmaloveskillianx 

[laur-rants]

Fic Update - Steady the Sword Ch 2

Fandom: Dishonored Pairing: Corvo/Daud [eventually] Rating: Mature Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence AO3 Link Previous :: Next

“I always knew that Hiram Burrows was a snake, I was just too young and eager to see it when he hired me. You know he had me do spy work all over Tyvia under the pretense that I was serving Tyvian interests, the crown’s interests? It wasn’t until Hiram ran off and the High Judges were after me with at least six counts of treason that I realized I’d been had.”

Zhukov talks with his hands. It’s one of the first things Corvo notices, as they sit across from each other in the mess hall. Corvo winces against the bandages on his face as he eats, keeping his good eye quietly on Zhukov.

Chatty, animated Zhukov.

After the fight, Zhukov and a guard had helped Corvo to the infirmary, where they patched him up and sent him on his way. Afterwards, Zhukov suggested dinner, and since it wasn’t like Corvo had any other plans in this frozen death trap, he obliged the offer.

Besides, the man had made it obvious that he knew who Corvo was. Is? Had been, at the very least. And, curious as he is, Corvo has to figure out how and why.

So he stays quiet, asks few questions, and listens to Zhukov as he talks with his hands.

“It wasn’t until after I’d been here for six months or so that I heard from one of my Dunwall contacts what had happened,” Zhukov continues, shaking a fork at Corvo. “That the Royal Protector had killed the Empress, and Burrows was acting Lord Regent. I was shocked at first, but as soon as I had heard that Void-damned man was involved, I knew you weren’t at fault. He was just using another scapegoat, like he did with me.”

Zhukov stabs at his horned seal meat angrily before scooping up another bite.

“And now you’re here. Another sad victim in his game of pawns. Outsider’s bastard.”

Corvo is half listening by this point, chewing on his food absently, but something in Zhukov’s implication causes him to slow to a stop. He eyes the Tyvian man carefully, looking up and down his slim frame. His good eye squints, and the other man looks up, an eyebrow raising. A few beats pass between them before Zhukov sighs loudly.

“You really are a man of few words aren’t you, Attano. Do I have something on my fucking face? Spit it out.”

“I’m not here because I killed…” Corvo pauses, looking around the mess hall, his Mark itching. Zhukov knowing what happened in Dunwall was bad enough; Corvo doesn’t need additional eavesdroppers.

However, everyone else in the hall is too engrossed in their own going ons to care about their long-winded conversation. He meets Zhukov’s gaze and watches as the man shakes his head a bit, eyes large, hands open to coax on whatever Corvo was going to say. Corvo sighs, and starts again.

“Yes,” he states. “I was used as a scapegoat for Hiram to cover up the fact that he hired an assassin to kill the Empress. But I’m not here because of that false accusation.”

Corvo pauses, licks his lips carefully.

“I’m here because I killed too many people getting the crown back. Emi- the Empress considered me a danger to Dunwall as a result, and sent me here on a sentence of freedom.”

Zhukov gives Corvo a scrutinizing look, and Corvo goes back to his food, too self conscious for this kind of conversation.

“And the Lord Regent?”

The Lord Regent’s voice bellowed over the speakers as Corvo looked down at the man himself, cowering like the worm he was. He begged for his life, but it was already gone; his sins were being broadcasted far and wide across Dunwall. The rat plague that devastated the city was his fault, and now everyone knew. If Corvo didn’t kill him now, the populace would do it for him. And yet, still Hiram Burrows had begged. He cried, bargained, and pleaded. He pissed himself in the face of Death.

It was disgusting.

Moments later, Corvo watched from a perched position as the guards inevitably came in to arrest Hiram Burrows, only to find him slain on his bed, face still contorted in fear, smelling of blood and feces. His arm was pinned to the wall behind him with his own sword; a closer look found his very heart stabbed through and pinned to the fabric, blood soaking through the sleeve.

“He was dealt with accordingly,” is all Corvo says, giving no indication of the finer details of his assassination of the man who betrayed the crown and sold out his Empress. A silence settles between them. Corvo busies himself with eating while trying to ignore the sharp ache of his cut cheek; Zhukov digests both his meal and this new information.

“Well,” Zhukov says awkwardly, after a time. “Good riddance, then.”

“Mm,” Corvo affirms. More silence follows.

Corvo scratches a hand over his beard. He’s going to need to trim it soon. Zhukov fidgets with his food.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Corvo,” Zhukov starts again. “This puts me in an awkward position.” He waits, but when Corvo doesn’t respond, he continues on. “You are still an honorable man. So honorable, in fact, that you probably feel you deserve to be here, working out your sentence.”

Corvo snorts and finishes chewing as he looks at Zhukov, a mirthless smile playing at his lips.

“Yes. Of course I do.” But that does not make me honorable , he thinks bitterly.

“Then you are probably not interested in escaping this place, hm.”

If he hadn’t sounded so serious, Corvo may have laughed again. Now though, Zhukov’s voice lowers dangerously, and Corvo can feel the creep of unease on the back of his neck. His brow furrows but he has no response for Zhukov, not yet. Zhukov takes Corvo’s silence as an invitation to continue talking, his lips twitching up in a quick smile as his voice rushes out of him.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that this place is more than it appears. I’ve noticed it too; I even know a thing or two about it. Comes with whole ‘being an ex-Tyvian spy’ deal. And regardless of your feelings, I think we’re both floating along in the same screwed-over boat. And – if we continue the boat metaphor – if we both grab an oar and start paddling, we can help each other–”

“No.”

The answer comes out with such force that Zhukov shuts his mouth with an audible snap. Corvo clenches his left fist, opens it, desperately trying to get the deep itch of the Void out of his fingers. Corvo’s eyes darken and he takes a steadying breath. Zhukov visibly shifts, distancing himself from the wave of wrath that is, no doubt, about to be directed right at him.

“No,” Corvo repeats, softly this time. “I agree, but no. I can’t take that proposal. For my sake, if not yours.”

“But Corvo–”

The Serkonan stands, the action so fast Zhukov is taken aback. A shadow falls over Corvo’s features and Zhukov shrinks.

“ No .”

Something is wrong here. Terribly, irrevocably wrong . Corvo doesn’t know why, but his gut is roiling, head spinning from all the alarm bells blaring in his ears. Walk away from this , his instincts yell at him. Forget this interaction . Avoid Zhukov as much as possible. It is stupid; he should have known as soon as Zhukov recognized him that–

“Okay,” Zhukov shrugs out, his body relaxed and fluid once again. His voice drops when he next speaks, a whisper over the noisy tables. “Just know there are strange happenings afoot here. An ever-present energy. So if you change your mind and want to help…”

Zhukov drums his fingers atop the table as his eyes flick to Corvo’s hand and back up to meet his eyes. Corvo’s intake of breath is sharp as a shock of fear fills him. Did Zhukov know about…but how could he?

“Just let me know,” Zhukov finishes. “I’ll be around. I mean, it’s not like either of us are going anywhere any time soon, right?”

And just like that, Zhukov’s mannerisms switch from serious and deadly to light and amiable. The shock of it fills Corvo, and he’s still standing there, watching the other man go, until he is alone and adrift in the sea of humans filling the mess hall.

It is never a good night for Corvo when he falls asleep only to wake to the sound of whale songs lamenting in the distance.

Corvo’s eyes open to see his tiny dorm filled with a soft blue light. He sits up and the chill that greets him is both unreal and familiar, all at the same time. It is a far cry from the bitter, permeating cold that Tyvia is so known for; no, this is a cold that came from within and surrounds him like a veil. It is the chill of deep water, of whale oil, of death.

It’s the chill one gets from entering the Void.

Preparing himself, Corvo opens his quarters’ door and steps out into a very different landscape. It’s a world that is no longer the icy, bitingly cold halls of Utyrka, but a empty space that stretches until eternity. Islands made of a black, obsidian-like rock hang suspended, their long paths breaking and stretching into the distance. Sometimes they lead to moments of time, pulled from Corvo’s mind and frozen for all eternity. It is a land where a soft blue hangs over everything, a dark gold light threatening on the horizon. It is a place where water flows upwards and whales cry and still-beating hearts tell the secrets of men.

Slowly, carefully, Corvo clenches his left fist and blinks out, embracing the Void stretching before him. He jumps and crosses multiple platforms, passing the happenings of the world suspended in time, before Corvo finds what he’s looking for.

In the shape of a slender young man dressed in grey and black, the Outsider stands on a crumbling stone island, studying a frozen image of Zhukov. The form under scrutiny looks marginally younger and more clean-shaven than the man Corvo met earlier, but the sharp black hair and long nose are indistinguishable. As Corvo grunts and walks up, the ethereal form of the Outsider turns to face his Marked, black eyes boring through him, as if watching his very soul.

It smiles. Corvo manages a frown in return.

“What do you want, Outsider.”

The whale god tilts Its head, manages to look sad, if only for moment.

“Oh, Corvo. Not even a hello for an old friend such as myself? You must be so lonely out here in this frozen world, so far away from Emily, and everyone else you wonder about in the dark when you assume nobody is there to listen to your thoughts.”

Corvos fist clenches and he closes his eyes, counting to five before reopening them. “If you cared about how bored I am out here, you would have visited a lot sooner than this. What. Do you want.”

The Outsider was a being that held the visage of a young man, but this only barely hides Its true, immense nature. The Leviathan dematerializes into smoke and obsidian, only to rematerialize next to Corvo, pacing, hands folded behind Its back.

“Oh but Corvo, you aren’t bored here! There’s so much work to be done: mining, electrical upkeep, making friends…or is Zhukov more truthfully an enemy?”

The being disappears and settles before Corvo, sitting on a block of Void, chin in Its hand as It smiles at the man innocently. Corvo watches back, shaking his Marked hand nervously.

“He knows about the Mark, doesn’t he.” Corvo doesn’t pose the statement as a question. The Outsider doesn’t really answer it anyway.

“Kristopher Zhukov knows many truths of the mortal world. If he doesn’t know the full truth of something, he will know enough to scare. He likes to have secrets, and he loves his current secret most of all. He’s torn between telling you that secret, and letting you guess after it.”

The Outsider frowns now, looking back to the frozen form of the younger Zhukov.

“So I’m here to… caution you, Corvo. Zhukov can help you escape, it’s true. But what will it cost him? What will it cost you ? Even I do not know. Something about him makes his future clouded. Unknown. Perhaps he has already seen what his end will be.”

“What does that even mean?”

The Outsider turns to face Corvo, the movement stiff and unnatural. Those black eyes pierce him like shattered glass.

“It means to be careful , dear Corvo. There are forces at work here in the cold wastes of Tyvia, forces more powerful and awful than even myself. However… if you tread lightly, your feet will find the way out.”

Corvo opens his mouth, ready to ask more questions, but the air rushes out of him like a breath after plunging into cold water. He gasps and coughs as he abruptly awakens, nearly rolling onto the hard floor of his room from the force of being thrown out of the Void. Cursing, he shakes his smoking left hand, willing it back to normalcy.

“Damn that Outsider,” he growls out angrily. “Damn It to the Void and back.”

Despite the inconvenience and annoyance he feels, however, Corvo can’t get the Outsider’s words out of his head. Instead, he quietly repeats them, like a mantra.

Caution, Corvo. Be careful.

Tread lightly and your feet will find the way out.

Paranoia is a natural state of being for Corvo Attano. He doesn’t trust easily and he never has; it made him a great swordsman and an even better protector. It is a sense of awareness that has helped keep alive more than once in the past; now, though, his paranoia is no better than a festering wound he can’t stop picking at.

For all the cryptic warnings and messages he had received from the Outsider, Corvo got next to nothing for them. Time passes at the prison in its increasingly weird way, and Corvo itches with worry. With the sun now up and getting higher, Corvo doesn’t feel safe using his powers to blink and survey the compound, causing him to itch even more. He catches himself massaging his left hand more than he’d like to, trying to calm the deep-seated ache that dwells right under the surface. It reached a point to where a guard noticed, asking if he needed to get his stiff hand checked. He had to hurriedly throw out an apology, saying he was fine before scurrying off and back to work.

Caution, Corvo, the Outsider had told him. Be careful. Tread lightly.

He thinks on the words often but they just leave him with more questions. Caution towards who ? Careful of what ? Tread lightly where ? The Outsider never appears to give him more answers. Instead Corvo is left to stew in his paranoia, cursing the Outsider for every passing day that leaves his nerves on edge. Another month passes. After a while, Corvo can’t tell if he really thinks there’s a strange presence in Utyrka, or if his mind is playing tricks on him.

The worst of it all is Zhukov is still ever present. Corvo swears up and down that he never once saw Zhukov, but now, he’s everywhere. Perhaps he had spent most of his time stuck in the mines, where Corvo didn’t see him. Or perhaps now that the sun  was constantly up, his shifts had moved  to  the compound  at large. Or maybe he had always been there, and Corvo just recognizes him now and can therefore pick him out of the crowd. Whatever the reason, Zhukov is now a constant presence in the prison, always just on the edge of Corvo’s vision. Corvo does his best to ignore him, but as time passes and no answers come forth, he realizes the inevitable.

Sooner or later, Corvo is going to have to confront Zhukov for information. So, despite the way his Mark sears in his hand and how much his senses tell him to leave, he sets his food down across from Zhukov one day in the Month of Clans, his face as stony as Zhukov’s is bright.

“Corvo! It’s been some time since we last saw each other! Are you well?”

Corvo tries not to think about how he’s sure that Zhukov has been watching him just as closely as he has been watching Zhukov. They both “saw each other ” less than a day ago. It’s moments like this that Corvo is not surprised Zhukov was once a renowned spy. He is very good at keeping up appearances. Which also means he expects Corvo to do the same.

“Fine,” Corvo says, a little less stiffly. “The weather is good for my hand; my joints tend to get stiff in the cold.”

This is lie. He watches to see if Zhukov catches it. The sparkle in the man’s eyes tells him he did, in the worst possible way.

Be careful.

“ Hmm! Yes, I suppose neither Dunwall or Serkonos gets quite this cold. Even during the summer thaw, it isn’t that warm up here.” Zhukov motions for Corvo to sit and he does so, only now realizing that he’d been standing with only his food set onto the table. Zhukov makes a subtle look down the table.

“Mind if I take a look at your wrist?”

Corvo’s eyes flick up to Zhukov’s face. The man interlaces long bony fingers evenly on the table. Corvo responds by rolling his wrist and stretching his fingers.

“Don’t worry about it. It won’t get in the way of my work, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Of course, didn’t mean to pry. But you may want to look into getting a new wrap. That one is quite frayed.”

“Thank you. I’ll look into it,” Corvo says lightly, and they both fall into a silence as they eat their food. After they are done eating, Corvo and Zhukov say their goodbyes, both quick to head out to their respective manual labors for the day.

“Same time tomorrow?” Zhukov asks conversationally. As if this was a regular occurrence.

Corvo glances at the clock. Glances at Zhukov.

Tread lightly.

“Sure. I’ll be here.”

They part ways as if nothing more than a casual meeting happened, both knowing that isn’t the case at all.

They meet the following day, as well as the day after that. With the sun high in the sky now, almost everyone was up out of the salt mines and working while the weather was fair. Schedules align more easily. Nearly every day, Zhukov and Corvo are able to meet, eat, and exchange pleasantries.

Except they aren’t pleasantries at all.

It’s subtle, but the veins of serious conversation run just below the surface of each word. The meetings, however, are amiable enough. Zhukov has many stories and makes for an interesting companion. Despite this, Corvo is not sure what trust means to the other man; even as the secrets slip by, Corvo is not sure yet how much to tell Zhukov, and watches each step with a calculated eye.

As a result of his own careful efforts and Zhukov’s intel, Corvo’s mental map of Utyrka grows.

For example, Corvo has now learned through their banter that Utyrka utilizes an underground railway for the guards to rotate shifts and renew supplies. Corvo has known about this railway because the inmates come in through these tunnels, but that was basic knowledge. Now, he knows rough schedules of the railcar comings and goings. He knows how long the tunnels are. He knows most people who try to escape through those tunnels die because of a lack of oxygen, a lack of food, a lack of water, or all of the above.

Corvo has learned the true perimeter of the grounds, and how that changes based on visibility. He knows the furthest body from Utyrka succumbed to frostbite 25 kilometers out. It’s been out there for 74 years, roughly, untouched even by the wolves and so perfectly preserved it looks like the person dropped yesterday. The guards don’t pursue anyone, because nobody has ever really escaped. The Tyvian wilderness is just too harsh for the mere mortal human to handle on their own.

Corvo has also learned that in the over 500 years since the prison has been operational, only about a thousand prisoners have ever served their full sentences. No matter the length, almost all prisoners die here. Some will be here for life, though very few have lasted longer than ten years. Many will try to escape; most, though, succumb to the harsh labor and maddening lack of sunlight. There are even stories of prisoners losing their minds and just wandering off, only to be found months later, dead and curled in a salt cave alcove. No matter their demise, nobody ever has escaped, and only a few have survived.

By the time the sun sets, Corvo’s knowledge of Utyrka is much greater than it was when the sun rose.

Despite this, Corvo never relaxes. His skin still prickles when around Zhukov, his heart still races like he should blink away and never look back. Against his gut instinct, Corvo stays, listening and learning because, just like him, Zhukov has a secret. And Corvo is so close to that secret, he can practically feel it brush up against his fingertips.

It’s the day after the sun finally dips under the horizon that Corvo makes his move. Like a cat, he plans every step, silently stalking closer the breaking point.

“Zhukov,” Corvo says after they eat, grabbing the attention of the thin man. Zhukov doubles back, eying Corvo curiously. The good weather and lack of salt mine work has been good for Zhukov; over the summer his skin had tanned and his eyes had cleared. He also found time to keep his beard trimmed; now, it twitches, a subtle smile tugging at his cheeks.

“Corvo!”

“Can I talk to you for a second? I was going to look into that new wrap you suggested…”

Zhukov doesn’t need a second hint; the eager curiosity shines on his face even as he makes his way over to Corvo slowly and evenly. Corvo motions him around a corner of the complex, just out of the guard’s earshot. It’s deadly cold without the sun, the darkness stretching away from them and only punctuated by the occasional whale oil lamp. When Zhukov pauses, Corvo tugs him a little further along, pulling them out of the light entirely. Hot vapor billows from their mouths in clouds as they hurry along.

“Corvo, what is it? I, uh– woah. ” Zhukov stops only to be started again by Corvo’s powerful grip pulling him along. “Ow– yikes , hey is it just me or is your hand really…warm?”

Corvo looks down at his hand and abruptly lets go, shaking it off. Steam rises gently from under the wrapping. Corvo swallows hard, composing himself.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize–”

“This meeting has nothing to do with a new hand wrap, does it.”

Corvo looks at Zhukov, who knowingly looks right back. He takes a deep breath, his fingers flexing nervously, instinctively.

“No,” Corvo starts, between breaths. The cold air bites at his lungs with each inhale. “It doesn’t. But–”

He pauses, choosing his words.

Caution, Corvo .

“Zhukov, you’ve told me– a lot on what we need to do to get out of here. But I haven’t told you how I can help us.”

Corvo hesitates only a second before he starts to carefully unwrap his hand. The Mark underneath burns, as if wanting nothing more than to be exposed to the cold air, to be used. Zhukov’s eyes watch, confused, until the long strip of cloth falls away, revealing Corvo’s left hand in its entirety. Corvo exhales in relief, watching the Mark as it burns and glows with a sensation that goes deeper than just skin.

Corvo can just barely hear the sharp intake of breath from Zhukov over the Tyvian wind.

“Oh,” Zhukov breathes out. His hands tremble as they hover over Corvo’s Mark. Somewhere in the back of Corvo’s mind, an alarm bells rings and his Mark sears painfully as the other man nears it. He does his best to ignore it.

“You know what this is, don’t you,” Corvo says, keeping his hand just out of reaching distance.

“I–yes, but only the stories, never in person.” Zhukov’s breathing is short. “To think that…all this time…”

More alarms, more pain. Corvo gently pulls his Marked hand back, and it’s like a spell is lifted from Zhukov. He meets Corvo’s eyes as Corvo slowly wraps his hand, hiding the Mark of the Outsider from the cold.

“ This is what I can offer you. The darkest months are when I can use my…abilities the most without being seen.” Careful . “But even my powers are not enough for an assured escape. I just can’t stretch that far. I still need your help, Zhukov.”

He stares Zhukov down, eyes burning like dark embers.

“Can I trust you with this secret?”

Zhukov inhales. The Outsider didn’t lie; the man loves his secrets. Zhukov is nearly shaking in excitement and triumph, as if he always knew but Corvo telling him made it official.

“Yes, of course,” he says, his voice barely over a whisper. “I didn’t work for ten faithful years under the royal spymaster just to sell out your secret here. I want to get out of here and clear my name too.”

Corvo nods, massaging his wrist. He shifts, turns.

“Good. Now, we should get back before the guards ask, and before the food gets–”

“Wait.”

Corvo turns, watching Zhukov carefully, a frown on his lips. Zhukov is fidgeting, as if on the verge of explaining something else.

“I have something else for you, too. That I need to tell you, because maybe you can help me understand it. You might be the only one who does. I would have mentioned it sooner, but I didn’t know…about…” he finishes by gesturing towards Corvo’s left hand.

Corvo’s frown deepens as his insides chill over. “What is it?”

Before he can respond, a guard yells out to them. Both of them jump, turning to see who it is that’s calling out.

Two guards plow up to them, waving for their attention. They are in full Utyrka gear, their heavy coats and thick eyewear hiding their identities.

“Oi! Is that you, Attano, Zhukov?”

Shit . Both of them straighten, fearing the worst. Zhukov squints in recognition.

“Stine, is that you? Yes it’s me, I’m here with Attano.”

Zhukov waves back, and Corvo eyes him carefully. Whatever he was about to reveal, Zhukov has already buried it away like a mouse buries its storage.

“Excellent,” Stine says as she nears. “I’m glad we found you. I have a new assignment and you’re just the man I need. Attano, you can help; this is a two-man job at the very least.”

Somewhere, soft and faint, a ringing starts in Corvo’s ears. It almost reminds him of another sound, singing softly, beckoning him, led by a still-beating heart. He squints against the reverberation, shaking his head to be rid of it.

“What can we do for you, Stine?”

“We found a new tunnel in the mines – need to see if it leads anywhere fresh. You’re the best man for the job, Zhukov. Follow us; they’ll be wanting you both down in the mines, effective immediately.”

[thesilverstaganddoe]

Fic: I’ll Sing for You (AFK - Alex Cyprin)

AO3 Links:  Chapter 1  | Chapter 2

Summary: Based on the scene where Alex agrees to sing at MC's wedding to Medusa but instead MC asks them in advance to plan a song.

1 - Lullaby

When I asked Alex if they’d sing at Medusa and my wedding I wasn’t even sure that they’d agree so I’m beyond surprised when they ask me to if I want to meet them after work to go over what songs I might like. I’m certainly not opposed though.

“Sure, that’d be wonderful. You really don’t need to go to all that trouble though, Alex, it doesn’t need to be that big of a thing.”

“It’s my pleasure, I’m very happy for you.”

“Well, thank you then. You have a list or something? We could get coffee and go over it?”

“Actually,” I think it’s my imagination but a blush crosses their cheeks for a moment, “I wanted to you to hear them for you. There’s a karaoke bar I’m fond of near here.”

“That sounds like a wonderful night out, let’s do it.”

Their set list is perfect, filled with both romantic songs that I’ve long adored and others that I’ve never heard but are perfect fits and warm my heart. I shouldn’t be surprised; they’ve known me longer than anyone except Josh. And they’re Aphrodite’s child, of course they have a knack for the romantic. I have no idea how I’m going to choose.

We’re getting down towards the end of the list when another song I don’t recognize comes on. As with the others, I try to imagine dancing to it with Medusa but the image can’t stick in my head. The words don’t fit right. I can’t see her face.

I see Alex’s.

To be honest, it’s not the first time this evening. I’ve pushed it out of my head everytime, refused to acknowledge it, focused on my fiancee. I dismissed this long ago. But somehow, right now, with these words, it’s not dismissible.

I suddenly realize the songs almost over and I’ve been avoiding eye contact with Alex the entire time. I look up and meet their eyes and the look there hits me hard in the chest.

I stand up from my place on the sofa. “Alex.” My voice shakes a little bit and they stop in the middle of a lyric. Neither of us says anything else and the last of the song fades into silence.

After several long moments I manage to find words again, “How did you pick this one?”

They open their mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

“Alex. Please.”

A flush crosses their face and they close their eyes. “It just … always reminded me of you.”

I bite my lip and take a deep breath. “How ... how long is always?”

They open their eyes again and I’m surprised to see something that looks like pain there, “Are you asking about the song or the feeling?”

“The feeling.”

“Since you came to work for H.E.R.A. But on some level, as long as I've known you.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I knew you didn’t feel the same way. I'm your boss and more than that I couldn't bear to risk our friendship.”

“Gods, Alex, of course I felt the same way. I’ve had a crush on you forever. Everyone knew that. Josh and May teased me for years. You had to know that.”

The shock on their face is undeniable.

“ I... didn’t. I had no idea.” They pause for a moment the sound of both our breathing hanging heavy in the air. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Are you kidding me? You’re Alex Cyprin. You’re a fucking demigod, Aphrodite's golden child. You held more prestige than I can ever imagine by the time you were fifteen. And if that wasn’t enough … just look at yourself, Alex. You’re gorgeous. That doesn’t even cover it. Look at your desk on Valentine’s day. And I’m me. I never stood a chance. I always knew that. I was always painfully aware.” My voice breaks a bit on the last sentence and I turn away so they don’t see the tears prick at the corners of my eyes.

Alex takes a step forward and their voice is softer, warmer, “You stood far more than a chance. I would have moved heaven and earth for you. I still would.”

I look up and my eyes meet there’s. It’s the same undeniable look I’d caught in their eyes when they were singing.

“Alex,” my voice catches again “I’m getting married, I-”

They blink quickly, their previous look quickly replaced by something else. “No, I know, of course. That’s not what I … please know that’s not what I intended at all here. I agreed to sing because you asked and I want your wedding to be everything you ever imagined … I want you to be happy, more than anything. I know you’re in love with Medusa, I know you’re getting married, I know you’ve moved on. I’m not trying to-”

“That’s the thing though,” suddenly my shoulders feel really heavy and I sink back down into the sofa, “I didn’t move on, Alex. Or I guess maybe in some sense I did. I made myself let the foolish dream go and find someone else that made me happy. And Medusa does, I do love her, yes, but,” my eyes finally meet Alex’s again and I see them lined with a mixture of fatigue, pain, and perhaps hope, “but its not the same, it's not like you not even close. I never got over you. I’m still in love with you and I’m sure I always will be. As hard as I try to ignore it, as hard as I’ve tried to make it go away. And now…”

I don’t know how to finish that sentence and the tears are pricking the corners of my eyes again so I drop my head into my hands.

“Can I sit?” I look up to realize they’ve walked over to stand next to me. I nod and they take a seat on the couch beside me. I want to look away again but can’t break their gaze.

“I’ll do whatever you want. I can pretend like this conversation never happened and we can go back to the way we were. I can leave you alone, give you as much space as you need. Or …” Their voice trails off with the suggestion and there’s several long moments filled with nothing but the sound of our breaths, both abnormally fast. I bite my lip and close my eyes. “Just tell me what you want and you’ll have it.”

“I don’t know,” I say, eyes still closed. A moment passes and they fly open and I reach over, grasping Alex’s hands in mine. Their breath catches, fingers tightening around mine, a restrained but hopeful look in their eyes. “That’s a lie. Of course I know. You. I want you. But I can’t ... I’m getting married ... I can’t do that to Medusa.” I drop their hands tears burning at my eyes, falling for real this time.

Several minutes of heavy silence pass before I can speak again. “I need to go. I’m not making a decision, I just need to think.” I meet their eyes again, “Can we talk again, later?”

“Of course, anything you need.”

I nod and slip out of the karaoke bar, heart pounding in my chest.

2 - Forever

It’s just after 3am and I’m emotionally exhausted. I should go home, sleep, wait until tomorrow, let my head clear. I’ve told myself this several times but here I am anyway. I press the bell and the door opens almost immediately.

“You’re all wet,” Alex says, surprised.

“Yeah, I … it started pouring pretty much the moment I got off the subway.”

“I hadn’t even noticed it started to rain. Come in, I’ll get you a towel or something.”

“I ... I talked to Medusa, Alex.”

Alex pauses, their hand on the bedroom door frame, but they don’t turn back to face me. “What did you say?”

“That I found out someone I’ve always loved feels the same way.” Alex doesn’t respond, but I see their breath catch. “And before I even told her it was you she said that she knew. I think her actual words were ‘any fool can see the way you look at Cyprin, except Cyprin’.”

Alex laughs softly, finally turning and meeting my eyes. “Called out.”

I nod. “Yeah. I thought she’d be upset, you know, but she wasn’t at all. She said that if this - being with you - was what I wanted, she wouldn’t make me choose, not if you didn’t, that there was more than enough time to have with both of you.”

“Forever is a very long time. I imagine she understands that even better than I do.” Alex comes back across the room to stand in front of me again. “Is that what you want?”

“I … I love you both, but I know that’s not what you want-”

“Of course it’s what I want.”

“What?”

“You think I need an iron lock over every part of your heart to be happy? That’s not love, that’s a cage. I want you to be happy and I want to be around to enjoy it with you. That’s what matters.”

I’m not sure which of us moves but the next thing I know my lips are on Alex’s. My arms snake around their neck and theirs wrap around my waist pulling me even closer. They’re warm and the feel of their arms tight around me is beyond comforting.

We pull apart just a bit and I laugh a little, “Sorry, I’m getting you all wet.” We’re so close that our lips brush together as I speak. Their guarded look is long gone, replaced by the same warmth from singing at the karaoke bar.

“I couldn’t care in the slightest.” And they pull me back in for another kiss.

———————

Later, after Alex encouraged me into a warm shower, I sit next to them in their bed, my head on their shoulder. Our hands are intertwined and they’re rubbing their thumb in soothing circles on mine.

“Alex?” I’m playing with the buttons on their vest, head resting on their shoulder.

“Mm?”

“What’s the closest you ever came? To telling me that you’re…”

“In love with you?” My breath catches in my throat. They’ve said it several times tonight, we both have, but it still feels unreal.

“Yes.”

Alex lets out a soft laugh. “I’m not sure there’s one time that wins out. I came so close, so many times. When you were in the hospital, after that case … I was there, when you were still unconscious. They called me when they brought you in. And I - I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”

I lift my head from their shoulder to look at them and I’m surprised to see a flicker of tears in their eyes. “I never knew you were there.”

“I know. Medusa came back before you woke up. I left you together. I made the doctor’s call me every hour with updates until you woke up, but I thought you’d rather wake up to her than … me and an emotional confession I wouldn’t have been able to keep from spilling if I’d stayed.”

I roll over until I’m more on top of them than next to them and cup their face in my hands, “I wish you’d stayed. Gods, how I wish you’d stayed.”

Their arms come tight around my waist pulling in me in for another kiss, this one harder and more passionate than any of the preceding ones. I shift so I am on top of them, straddling their lap, and my fingers clutch at the fabric of their shirt, pulling them closer if it's even possible.

They brush a stray lock of hair back behind my hair, running a thumb lightly over my cheek. “Well, we’ll just have to make up for lost time won’t we? Fortunately, we have a very, very long time to do it.”

“Forever.”

[jewel-s-blog]

about me + bias list

 hi there, I’m jewel :)

she/her/hers ・ 20 ・ kpop (writing) blog

Yes, Jewel is my real name although my parents admit I was supposed to be named elizabeth but changed their minds last minute after I was born how cute and I’m currently in university. I study political science and japanese for those wondering (because yes, I am japanese and it’s helpful when you live in hawaii to have that degree yk?). If any of this stuff is even mildly interesting and you have any curiosities, pls feel free to ask me!

I try to write some things when I can, so feel free to take a look at my masterlist. I also read A LOT of fics on this site, so also peep my recs if you feel like it. Warning: its mostly fluff and angst and almost always includes smut but there’s some really good stuff worth reading still! 

Feel free to talk to me :) i don’t have any kpop friends irl :( all my friends are locals smh 

I try my hardest to be active as much as possible but it’s taken me over a year to finally get used to tumblr lol marklee and i both struggle with complex technology i guess Of course, there are times when I get busy with college and will probably seem to drop off the face of the planet exam season kills but now that I’ve been in quarantine for a month, I figured now is the best time to start building an active tumblr routine. 

That’s all for now! Keep reading below for my bias list :)

xoxo, jewel <3

Bias List 

Before I begin, I will warn that this is basically a giant NCT shxtpost. With LOTS of hyperlinks for educational purposes and absolute crackhead-ery. I’ll eventually make a separate list for other groups I stan, but this blog is mainly NCT and this is already so long so I’ll leave it as this. Enjoy!

Biases are bolded in the beginning of each unit, so you can skip everything after if you don’t wanna see my ramblings following it.

A/N: After biasing nearly every member in NCT/WayV I’ve settled for now on my biases for each unit. This will most likely rotate fairly regularly as I literally fall in love with a different member every day cited here. solo stan? I don’t know her.

ULT

Jaehyun  *ahem excuse me i mean* 

Johnny Suh, it’s official. Don’t know how to explain, but I love everything about him. In the end, it’s always him. damn i sound like y/n thoughts but istg it’s true From SM Rookies to NCT Life to MV behinds, he’s the one. But I’ve also come to realize that I find myself most relatable to him as a person and I think that’s why no one else can trump him wow narcissist much jewel It’s kind of just my gut feeling. It also helps that hes the fluffiest tall, muscular tight booty hottie on the planet. See this black on black dance practice for further scientific explanation even in this jaehyun trying to wreck me so badddddd

Not gonna lie, I HAD IT BAD FOR MARK LEE still do and yet Johnny overcame that. If mark lee were my first love, johnny is my soulmate.

UPDATE! 

Lee Jeno has officially been added to the ult list. *See the entirety of my april activity on my sns accounts if you would like to see how this happened haha :)

NCT U  

im in love with him bc he literally reminds me of my boyfriend -- i like chill guys ok

Taeil is my little teddy bear who looks great in red hair and has a voice form heaven. Evidence? Here you go. He didn’t stand out to me much in the beginning because I was either deaf or blind but after Chain, the game was OVER. +moon taeil in shorts?? serve them thighs honey. Love you bebe tomato <3

BUT Doyoung is the #1 bias wrecker here because have you seen his cover of beautiful on masked singer?? have you?? if not, let me educate you. Also his collab with Sejeong?? Literally the cutest MV ever, perfect for Christmas, listened to it every year since it’s release.

Listen to Coming Home - NCT U for further scientific evidence that NCT has top vocals in the kpop industry.

NCT 127

THE Jung Jaehyun. For reasons that need no explanation. but ill give it anyway smh

After watching the performance of herin and jaehyun singing a whole new world I knew that was it for me. (I still watch it once a month for my jaehyun-related health and to honor SM’s biggest loss, seo herin and ji hansol but thats for another conversation) back to jaehyun His vocals are unique in NCT and bring a nice color to their songs, the man looks good in literally anything, and I’ll probably say this about every member, but I love his dance style--body rolls for days sis. Definitely my ideal type, which my boyfriend is 100% aware of; no secrets in my relationship ofc which explains the wreckage. Pretty sure 81% of the fandom gets wrecked by him daily, so I think I’ll stop here. 

NCT Dream 

Renjun.  why? i just think he’s neat but no really, it was this performance (ok actually this got me ALL SORTS OF WRECKED) and this fancam that had me falling in love with him but were gonna ignore the fact that I get bias wrecked DAILY by all the other members  GOd-tier vocals, personality for daysssssss, variety KING HUANG RENJUN. Safe to claim that I go into renjun feels about 3x a week. Check my twitter for proof. +dnyl renjun was a blessing and I sometimes cant believe that it actually happened. How do I explain?? He’s literally the best boy, but when he gets all worked up....let’s stop there before I have to go to confession again.

But for fun, lets list why I have biased every dream member at some point shall we? (in no particular order) Dream might just be my ult group, songs always bop, members at star quality 

mark- yes i am including mark bc he was the reason i even started stanning dream dreamies leader since mmc days, mentor, A1 rap skills, ad libs go crazy, unparalleled dancing style, hardest worker, cutest watermelon advocate ever, all around amazing person can you tell he used to be my ult? + he’s a good christian boy and my catholic *ss has to confess my sins for being a simp for him 24/7

chenle- vocal GOD, most steady live vocals in kpop, laugh to die for

jeno- i cannot resist his eye smile i wanna cuddle and onstage charisma-2:54 “let’s goooooo” and i alskfdfjlkdldkfa. 

jaemin- “other than my members, i don’t have any friends” and yet he’s literally the most caring and wonderful little puff in existence fight me pls dont im a pacifist 

heachan- idk why but donghyukie feels like he could be my best friend and also cant stop staring at him in their dance practices his body proportions are unreal and his vocal ad libs?? don’t even get me STARTED on heachans vocals

jisung- he is my son, but also my son’s vocals?? MWAH that voice got me second guessing if he’s really my son 

WayV 

Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul another member where it kinda just....happened? In the end I was like “damn, when did you sneaky bugger get in my heart?” He’s got a similar vibe as Johnny AND DO NOT COME FOR MY THROAT FOR SAYING THAT THATS MY OPINION Like Johnny, I see myself in Ten. There are so many reasons why I love Ten, so I’ll make it simple and provide them to you. 

Reason 1 - Performance/dance  he just hit different, he’s THAT good. Reason 2 - vocals the amount his vocals has improved?? UNMATCHED. Reason 3 - INTELLECTUAL (still trying to find the clip of him talking about different kinds of love) Reason 4 - multi-lingual KING ok so this vid is him struggling in mandarin, but imagine, you speak thai and english and learn korean to debut and all of a sudden your agency says “ok learn chinese now.” MANDARIN IS ONE OF THE HARDEST LANGUAGES TO LEARN. Reason 5 - bad b*tch he just radiates bad bitxh energy in everything he does, and I appreciate a bad bitxh

BUT I love wayv’s chaotic energy and chemistry so much that I literally love them all dreamies watch out 

+special shoutout to xiaojuns vocals in Love Talk

+kun being a dimpled zaddy (jaehyun&kun type CONFIRMED)

+lucas holding binoculars like THAT @ 1:10

+yangx2 doing THIS (prepare to be blown away)

+hendery being a the best teacher 

+winwin BEING WINWIN THE DANCE GOD 

+winwin AGAIN and with Ten here i don’t even think i have to say that i tweeted about this everyday for a month and im still not over it. This specific dance really allowed winwin to shine even though ten is my bias. It really allowed others to see the fruit of his classical training even in modern dance which he never trained in. Not gonna be repetitive and SCREAM  say that he’s underrated, because we all know that already. Just show winwin some love, ok? thank you.

And so finally, we’ve reached the end. Phew, this took me almost 5 hours to put together because I definitely got carried away. For those who made it all the way to the end, thank you, I love you. It’s so messy and I don’t have the mental capacity to do anymore editing but I hope you got something from this massive post <3 Feel free to let me know what you think! xoxo, jewel

[flusteredkeith]

i had a really sweet date with a boy where we went to a botanical garden and each sat on our own little wooden lawn chairs when we got tired of walking. we turned on our sides so our faces were only three inches apart. we talked about post-grad stuff, how he was scared about his future and i was confused about mine. and in the middle of his sentence he sort of stopped talking, stared at me, and gave me a kiss (our first one) bc he said he'd been dying to do that since he met me :)

UGH this is so cute, I��m squealing that this happened to you.

(p.s. if you want to reblog this prompt for yourself, it’s here :) and you bet I’ll send you something fun~)

Update: AO3 link here. (I expanded the fic for AO3 :))

“‘Farther than humanity’s ever reached,’” Keith says. He looks up at the night sky above them, his back against the cool metal of the Garrison rooftops. He turns to face Shiro who’s leaning back on his elbows beside him and sighs. “It’s hard to fully grasp from this distance.”

“It’s pretty crazy,” Shiro agrees, his head tilted upwards. “It still feels so unreal that I’m going.”

“Yeah.”

Keith turns back to look at the stars. Unreal is the right word. It’s hard to believe that in less than ten hours, Shiro would be boarding a spacecraft that would launch him out there. Another star to join the mass.

“Kinda bummed I’ll have to miss all the growing you’ll get to do in your second year though,” Shiro says, looking over at Keith with a fond smile. “You’ve already come so far just in the last few months. Imagine how much more will happen while I’m gone.”

Gone. The word echoes back to Keith, sending shivers down his spine. It’s a feeling he can’t shake — a frost creeping up the back of his neck, a chill spreading inside his chest. After months of grappling with the idea that Shiro will indeed be gone for a whole year, Keith thought he had already accepted it. But now a sense of cold dread threatens to overtake him.

Best not to mention it.

“Most of it was thanks to you,” Keith replies, keeping his voice level despite the icy grip that had seized up at the pit of his stomach. “It won’t really be the same without you around.”

Shiro’s eyes soften as he tilts his head down to look at Keith. Shifting his elbows out, he lowers himself onto his back until he’s lying down beside him.

“You’re going to do great,” Shiro reassures. Keith tries to return his smile but his lips don’t seem to want to work that way.

“Yeah, I guess,” Keith shrugs.

With a heavy sigh, Shiro turns his head back to face the stars, bringing his arm up over his forehead.

“You alright?” Keith asks, his eyes shifting over onto the older man.

“Yeah, it’s just—” Shiro’s eyes droop and his brows furrow. Keith knows he already feels the same. “I know we’re more prepared than we ever could’ve been and I know there’s no rational reason for me to feel this way but… I just can’t shake this terrible feeling that something bad, something really bad, is going to happen.”

Keith’s lungs threaten to close up inside him. They aren’t alone in this foreboding and the significance of it creeps into his chest. As he turns onto his side to face the older man, the desire to vocalize and share in Shiro’s pain wells up in him.

He doesn’t want to let Shiro go.

“Shiro,” he breathes. Shiro doesn’t move. His eyes are distant and far-off as he gazes into nothingness. There’s a sad, forlorn look about them that causes Keith’s next words to shrivel up and die. Whatever he had meant to say, it didn’t matter anymore.

“You’re gonna make it,” Keith forges on in spite of himself. If Shiro or the universe needed more convincing, Keith would gladly ignore his own dread and lie with confidence until it came true. “You’re gonna make it and you’ll be back before you know it. You’ll see.”

Shiro glances over at him before turning onto his side to face Keith, their noses three inches apart.

And just like that, Keith feels his lungs seize up for an entirely different reason as Shiro gazes at him, his eyes full of something Keith’s afraid to name. The thin, winter air grows heavy between them, full of warmth and impending… impending…

Impending doom, Keith mind thinks at once as that same dread fills his stomach once again.

The moment he blinks, the spell is over. With a sigh, Shiro turns back away from him and closes his eyes.

“I hope you’re right, Keith,” he says. He keeps his eyes shut tight, giving Keith the impression that he no longer wants to stare at the expansive sky tonight. “I hope you’re right.”

Me too, Keith thinks. Me too.

——

There were never enough ticks to make up for lost time. Every dobosh and every varga was spent trying to fight the alien war they had all somehow found themselves in. There wasn’t a single tick to spare for Shiro to fully appreciate how far Keith had come since his absence, or even to check up on him after the trials of Marmora.

There was never enough energy either but Shiro figured the opportunity was bound to come up. After all, spending all their waking days and nights together on one ship — time would show itself eventually, wouldn’t it?

What could go wrong?

——

“He’s gone.”

Gone. Lance’s words echo back to him in Shiro’s voice. Imagine how much more will happen while I’m gone. While I’m gone. Gone.

Keith’s hands grip the backseat of the Black Lion, his knees shaking. This can’t be happening.

Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s back under the bright lights of the hangar, the rest of the team yelling out his name. Keith doesn’t listen. He can barely hear any of it. The sound of Shiro’s last cry as he punched in his black bayard is echoing too loudly in his ears.

He vaguely registers Allura shouting, “Keith, come back!” before Red shuts all outside noises out of her cockpit.

He doesn’t accept this. He refuses to. There is no damn way he found Shiro only for this to happen again.

His eyes scan the debris flying by his screen. A floating bundle of metal scraps and torn pieces of armor — but no human body.

His heart pounds loudly in his ears with rage as he continues to fly around the aftermath of their battle. Keith doesn’t understand any of this. Shiro has to be here. He had to be. He was just right there in his lion, his voice in Keith’s ears, just mere seconds before they plunged the sword into Zarkon.

“K-Keith? Are you there?”

Allura’s voice finds its way through the static inside his helmet. In a flash of red, hot anger, Keith pulls it off his head and tosses it onto the floor where it faintly calls his name out again.

He’ll stay here for the rest of the week if he has to. Keith is known for a lot of things — ace pilot, dropout, hothead —

But he is never known for giving up.

——

At this point, Keith’s seen too much to know what’s real. Between alternate realities, clones, and alien magic, Keith has no idea how to measure these things anymore.

So when the man before him reaches out to take his hand, Keith is almost afraid to hope. Beaten and battered, the both of them are crouched low on the ground, barely able to support themselves.

“Shiro?” he asks. His hands trace the hard line of Shiro’s jaw as Keith fights to keep his bruised eye open.

“Keith.”

Shiro’s human hand finds Keith’s cheek and by nature, he leans into the touch. It’s warm and familiar, but he’s still unsure.

Shiro pulls him in for a deep embrace and it’s then that Keith feels the Black Lion purr its approval in his mind. He wraps an arm around Shiro and dares to believe.

——

Keith knows nothing will ever be the same again.

He doesn’t care.

“I really thought you were gone for good,” Keith tells him. He wants to feel happy — and he is. It’s just difficult to feel pure joy when so much has changed, when so many things have been damaged beyond repair.

“What can I say?” Shiro says with a light attempt at a chuckle. “I’m a survivor.”

And it’s just like Shiro to downplay his torment. Survivor. It’s too light of a word for what he’d really gone through. “Survivor” glosses over all the shattering, the suffering, and the breaking down Shiro had to endure in order to become one. A survivor.

“You did more than just that,” Keith contests.

They’re sitting on one of the outcropping of ledges on the Castle of Lions watching the planet’s perpetual sunset. They’ve been here for two days now and its sun has stayed burning at the same low spot over the horizon.

“I’m sorry I was absent for so long,” Shiro says with a slight frown.

“It isn’t your fault,” Keith replies, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Not even close.”

“I know,” Shiro says, reaching up to cover Keith’s hand with his own. “I still feel sorry though.”

Keith smiles and squeezes his hand back.

“Keith,” Shiro says, and his voice is low and serious as he pulls Keith closer.

And just like that, despite everything they’ve gone through and the wars they’ve fought, they’re back at the Garrison, sitting on the roof beneath the night sky and wondering what’s out there — out here — with their noses three inches apart. Keith’s breath catches as he gazes into Shiro’s eyes; they’re wide and filled with fondness and intent. It almost makes him want to look away from the intensity of it.

“Yeah?” Keith breathes. “What is it?”

Shiro licks his lips but doesn’t speak. Instead, he brings his human hand up to cradle the back of Keith’s head and slowly leans in. With a small smile, Keith lets his eyes fall shut and tilts his head up, closing the remaining distance between them.

The soft glow of the sun burns bright behind his eyelids.

They pull away from the kiss the same way they came together: slowly.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for…” Shiro blinks and tries to think back. “I can’t even remember how long it’s been now.”

Keith chuckles.

“It’s good to have you back,” he says, his grin wide. Shiro smiles and wraps his arms around Keith, burying his nose in his messy, black hair.

“It’s good to be back.”

[whentvsfly]

u should answer all 20 of the mob psycho ask meme things jsust DO it u peice of fuck....

Fuck you, I will.

1: What is a scene that really got to you?In the anime, probably either the flashback to when Mob went ???% when he was young (I love the Angst™), or when Mob nearly goes 100% murderous intent and then instead goes like, 1000% gratitude. In the manga, the entirety of the fuckin Mogami arc (the part with the cat like Holy Shit) nearly made me cry, and I barely cry at things anymore. So like. That.

2: Who’s your favorite character out of the cast?I….love so many……..They’re all so good. All the esper kids are Good, Reigen is a good man, the Body Improvement Club members….Tome and Mezato…..fuck, even Dimple. I can’t choose…

3: Who’s your favorite esper kid?Mob, Ritsu, Teru, and Shou are all my sons thank you very much. I can’t decide between them. Mob is a Good Boy™ who needs a fucking break holy shit. Ritsu is a little shitsu but he cares a lot about his bro and I cry and he’s good too. Teru is also a shitty boy and also he wants to do good and I cry for him (I’m his parent now cause idk wtf his actual parents are, ONE plz explain). And Shou is a good but destructive boy who deserves better. 

4: Who’s your favorite ship(s)?I….really like Ritsu and Shou, and was kinda indifferent to anything else, until @pundeserving​ (and fanfics) ((thanks u fuck)) showed me the beauty of Teruki and Mob. Also???? I kinda like Tome and Mezato?????? They could like find aliens and report it to the news and honestly they’d be a power couple.

5: What battle shook you most?Uhm. The one at the end of the World Domination arc. So many emotions…..

6: What friendship do you find the cutest?Literally any with Mob. He’s such a good boy.

7: What’s the most hilarious moment to you?gotTA PUMP SOME IRONsorry duDE TOUGH BREAKwoAH ITS HEAVY okletsgo(pff other than so many lines from the dub, uh, I’m not too sure. Right now I can only think of how funny the whole situation with that Shirt™ in the Divine Tree arc is, and like the school festival in which for like a panel Ritsu is forced to dress like a maid and Shou is there. NO WAIT. I KNOW. Justifiable Self Defense. We’re not too sure it’s justifiable, but he’s yelling it anyways. also: OOHHH. HE FUCKING APPEARED! There’s probably others. I can’t remember them rn. OH well, guess I better reread the manga…..).

8: Favorite and least favorite arc?hmmmmm….The angst pit inside of me wants to say my fave is the Mogami arc, because of how fucking sad it could be (or the way it can spawn fics about it like nobody’s business) but honestly I don’t really have any favorites or least favorites. They all have their pros and their cons, but they’re all really good. 

9: Which antagonist could you never forgive?Mogami. Hands down. 

10: Do you have any OC’s?Nope. But there is an oc I saw once on this hellsite which was a cat named Milk that Mob owns and I fully support that hah.

11: Did you watch the anime or read the manga first?Anime. Subbed. Then went for the manga, then to the dub hah.

12: Would you visit Spirits and Such Consultation Office (if you didn’t know any better)?Hm. I dunno. Probably would be too lazy to seek out help if I thought a spirit would be on me or smth, or haunting a place. Maybe if it was Real Bad.

13: Are there any specific MP 100 artists/writers you admire?Uhm. Idk, I tend to not actually look at who is the OP on an art post or who writes a fic. I’ll edit this if I find out some good ones (there’s one artist I’m thinking of on here and they do real good arts, they do comics based on fics (one was on this court thing where Mob was dead by Teruki’s hand b/c the choking thing, the other was on an au fic where Mob was kidnappeped and Reigen ended up rescuing him and they hadn’t met before that idk I have yet to read it myself) and there’s a fic on ao3 that I am always waiting for the next installment, even if it’s been 20 seconds since I read the last chapter. That story’s linked below, and you can see other authors I’ve linked too).

14: Are there any MP 100 fanfics you HAVE to rec?(this answer is So Long I am So Sorry I just have A Lot Of Love)Ohhhh boy. You’ve done it now. You’ve awakened the Beast™. Fanfics are my forte. I’ve gone through all of them on ao3. Don’t fuckin test me on this.Ok so first off, if you want all the stories I’ve gathered off of ao3 (My picking process: Ignoring all stories with incest or an adult x a kid (or ships I don’t particularly care for), is the fic well written with a good plot? then onto the list it goes. Or if its bad enough to be good. That too.) you can just ask me for the fics and I can either share the googledoc with you or send you the links in another way.Some of my favorites from the list, tho, are as follows (in order of which I read them):Color in a Monochrome Worldby Sifl is a really good introspective series on many different characters, set after the World Domination arc. Sifl also wrote a companion piece, Vertigo.Extracurricular Education is a series by entrenched about Shigeo and his growth as he works for Reigen. It’s real cute, they’re good bros, I love it. A few stories takes place after the Mogami arc and reference it.Turning Slowly by sorrow_key is a fic about how Shigeo knows what unrequited love feels like b/c of Tsubomi, so he can see through Teruki really easily. He feels like a liar pretending to not notice. (eventually becomes TeruMob), My notes say if you’re in the divine tree arc, then you’ll get any references made in the fic. Can’t remember what’s said, but it must reference something in that arc for me to have wrote that.One Step Forward, Two Steps Back by fireflysummers_ao3 is a fic in which Teru feels terrible after the Divine Tree arc (this was made before 97.uh. the chapter that came out this last Thursday, the 5th of Jan, so it may not be as accurate as it could be) and Shigeo just wants to be friends and help him out. After Divine Tree arc.Temporary Accommodations by Originia is an interesting fic where, through shenanigans, Shigeo’s body is kidnapped without his like, spirit thingy in it (using the strategy from the Mogami arc) and Reigen tries to rescue Shigeo (which Dimple is possessing in Mob’s absence). I fucking love Ritsu in this story holy shit.The Adventure of the Red Shoes by dyingplatypus. Ho. Ly. Fuck. If you only read one story, read this one. It’s funny, it’s quirky, it’s in character. It’s solving a paranormal case about haunted shoes, and Reigen being cursed. It feels like it could be an actual happening in the anime or something. Seriously. Read this one. It has a little reference to the World Domination arc cause Serizawa is in there but like. You could proooobably read it without reading the manga.He Just Likes Dogs by reiqenarataka nearly made me fucking cry in a dentists office. It’s about Reigen and dogs, what more could you want?Signed, Sealed, Delivered by entrenchedis a series centered around Teruki and his crush on Shigeo, even as Shigeo crushes on Tsubomi. He would rather never tell Mob and continue being friends, over risking their friendship by confessing.do make tomorrow a sunny day by dyingplatypus is a series based off an au I mention in the next question. The AU is one in which Shigeo is taken by Claw at a young age, and thus works for them currently. Ritsu grew up without a brother, only knowing he had a brother at some point who presumably died. Both Shou and Shigeo are a part of Claw and work for it, and things Shigeo took care of during the normal universe didnt happen. (LOL) is a growing and powerful cult, Teru still wants to fight people. There’s many different perspectives in the series and they all add up to a unique experience (I’m still real fuckin amused by what Teru thinks of Shigeo in the first chapter of his POV fic)tomorrow isn’t always another day by suitablyskippy is another good fic on par with The Adventure of the Red Shoes. It’s also quirky, funny, in character, and shows Shigeo and Reigen solving cases. Of a haunted copy machine. Which Mob is preeeetty sure they solved yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that….Three by Ravenesta is an outsider POV story from a teacher’s perspective, on Shigeo Kageyama and his mysterious third emergency contact, Reigen Arataka. It’s pretty cool, and shows some good shit. Return. Continue. by UncannyCookie. A series. Takes place after Mogami arc, Shigeo isn’t doing too well, hands feeling too itchy and wrong after he was driven to choking someone in that unreal world. It’s bad. He’s fine. Teru tries his best to help. The second story, though, Teru is acting weird and Shigeo wants to help him but he swears he’s fine. (also has some of my fave tags: “Teru is not a natural blond, that’s the real drama here”). This is the fic I find myself waiting for updates with bated breath. It’s so good and interesting. Love that shit.

15: Do you have a favorite AU?I don’t know of too many aus, but most are real good. I like the art I see of the ageswap thing, where Mob is the adult and Reigen is the kid, although I don’t tend to read the fics about it. Idk why. But there are other good aus too, like any where Mob ends up being raised by Reigen. There’s an interesting one on ao3 I saw where Mob was taken by claw at a young age and now kinda like…works for them? Idk. It’s good though. 

16: What would be your first or basic psychic skill (telekinesis, pyrokinesis, hydrokinesis, ect)?Honestly telekinesis. I’d fuckin own that shit, being too lazy to get up and grab things myself. I’d probably be like, hah, my pop is on the table literally inches from my hand. If only I could just float it over to myself! And then it does and I’d be like Holy Shit. Also, using telekinesis on yourself (if it’s strong enough) allows you to basically fly? I’d train til it’s that level and then I would be the least athletic person in existence. 

17: Do you like milk?I really like strawberry milk. I only have normal milk if I dip a cookie in it. Sometimes chocolate is ok too. And I only really have whole milk cause it tastes the best.

18: What headcanons do you have for (character)?I mean u didn’t provide a character uhm. There’s so many. Me and @pundeserving​ have been talking and whenever I come up with some headcanon I tell her and she may or may not add it to her headcanon list. Usually she does. It’s very good and if you wanna hear some shit about a certian character feel free to ask abt them specifically.

19: Would you hone your basic psychic skill or try to learn different ones?Both? If possible? I’d like to get my telekineses to a point where I can move myself with little to no effort, but having basic version of other powers would also be nice (like psychokinesis to light a candle or warm up some cold soup or smth)

20: Would you try to use your psychic powers for personal gain or only if you had to?I mean, if it’s (like i mentioned above) heating up soup, that’s kinda personal gain hah no but seriously if it’d unfairly advantage me above other people (in a sport or something) or harm someone else, I wouldn’t do it. I’d use it for little things like retrieving something that’s out of reach or smth, or if worse comes to worse, to protect my friends or family,  if there are no other viable options.