#so now I’m trying to talk myself out of cleaning bc then it’ll make me organize my entire closet and sort stuff into a donation box

[smoreal]

HATE getting that feeling where I’m in a manic state of productivity bc then I feel like I have to DO IT ALL RN OR ELSE and it’s literally so awful

[go-to-the-mirror]

Hello, @a-mag-a-day. Apologies for the deception but I rather wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself. I'm assuming you're alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. I wouldn't try too hard to stop reading; there's every likelihood you'll just hurt yourself. So just listen. Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

Statement of landscaping-your-mind regarding episode 160 of The Magnus Archives.

Statement begins.

So, from all the stuff I scheduled for today you can probably tell I really like episode 160 of The Magnus Archives, right? Like, good lord, it is... it is a time. (Also, the words were really good (and also there's poetry) so :D incentive!)

Firstly, though, I have to say something. It's not the Watcher's Crown. The Watcher's Crown is the ritual Jonah Magnus attempted years ago. This is unnamed in canon, but Jonny said it could've been called The Magnus Archives.

Secondly... I would like to draw your attention towards the description of the youtube version of this episode. (to paraphrase)

The Magnus Archive discovers that some escapes are a lot easier than others.

Ahahahahaha AHAHAHAAHAHAH WHAT-

I hate this so much. Like, with a burning passion. "The Magnus Archives discovers that some escapes are a lot easier than others" COME TO MY HOME AND KILL ME YOU COWARD! It just hurts, it just... hurts.

He can escape London, but he can't escape his ✨ purpose ✨

You ever think about how The Magnus Archives follows the story of Magnus' Archive? I do. A lot. I haven't even started listening yet, god, this episode am I right?

MARTIN (Joking) Or, (huffed laugh) or it is, and she just cleaned it up really well. (They both make uncomfortable chuckles) ARCHIVIST …Yes. (The Archivist makes an uneasy noise)

THEYRE BOTH SO AWKWARD THEY HAVEN'T TALKED TO A NORMAL HUMAN IN OVER A YEAR

Just their really awkward laughter, oh my godd they're so endearing your honour, I'm so glad this episode and TMA ends at the 5 minute mark (< in denial)

ARCHIVIST Hopefully a long way out there. (soft) But I think we’re okay

THEY ARE IN LOVE YOUR HONOUR

I just love how soft Jon's voice gets around Martin, like, like, eeeee i just love them i love them they're the reason im aro bc i know i will never love someone romantically as much as jmart loves each other /j

MARTIN Oh, n-no, not yet. I was actually gonna head down into the village to go pick something up?

Ooooh yay I get to share my "where are they in scotland" headcanons! I think they're near Dunnet, because it's pretty far north and in the Highland area, and it's also got allegedly the only full time gunshop north of Inverness, and... yknow, it is Daisy's safehouse.

ARCHIVIST Anyway, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.

your honour they're lightheartedly teasing each other <3

ARCHIVIST I’ll be fine.

SOFT!

(update im wrtinging with a cat on my lap now hes big. im balancing my computer on my leg.)

MARTIN I assume it’s her attempt at a- a, a varied diet? Eating your greens, you know? ARCHIVIST (Amused) Probably. (reassured) I’m sure it’ll work fine

hhh them <3 it's just like they're so... they're happy. they're so happy, and it's like nothing gold will stay or whatever

they had such a short amount of time

i wish they were ok

MARTIN …I will give you some privacy. Go for a walk. ARCHIVIST (Warmly) Let me know if you see any good cows. MARTIN Obviously I’m going to tell you if I see any good cows.

I'm...

them being happy is almost worse, right. because what once was a surprise we now know will happen, we have to deal with the dread, and it's all bitter now, the happiness is rotten because of what lurks after.

some people can listen to the first five minutes and feel okay, but me?

for me it just hurts.

ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) (Pleasantly) Statement of Hazel Rutter regarding a fire in her childhood home. Original statement given August 9th, 1992. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

He sounded so happy... he sounded so happy.

This is the first time he's happy before he reads a statement. He was happy, he was hiding from the police and the hunters and Daisy and Not!Sasha with his boyfriend in Scotland. And then, and then Jonah Magnus comes in and decides to end the world like a bastard.

I don't want to hit play. I don't want to know what comes next. I want to stop listening. I want Jon and Martin to be okay. I want it to be the real statement of Hazel Rutter.

I just want it to be the real statement of Hazel Rutter.

I get it, right, horror tragedy! This was the desired effect. I am supposed to be feeling these emotions. These emotions being very sad. Well done to Jonny, lovely writing. Fantastic! I love TMA with my whole heart. I think that it's fantastic. I don't want to hit play though. I'm here for the characters suffering, I got in through The Hermit Archives, I wanted more of the horror! I am here for suffering! I'm here for the suffering. I'm hitting play.

Statement of Jonah Magnus regarding Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

He could have just ended the world. Like, the whole... forcing Jon to monologue about all the times he was manipulated into furthering Jonah's plan? That's fucked. That is fucked. Just put the ritual there you slimy piece of shit!

It’s rare that you get the chance to monologue through the voice of another, and you can’t tell me you’re not curious.

*me to my dog, in the "talking to a dog" voice* You wanna kill him too! Hey! You wanna kill him too!

Like, okay, so you're Jon and you're reading this statement and you can't stop, and this bastard says "you can't tell me you're not curious." Tell me that's not going to make him think that if he tried a little harder then he would've been able to stop reading. Tell me that's not going to make him think that a part of him wanted to end the world, and that's why he's still reading. Tell me that's not going to make him blame himself even more.

The only way to ensure I did not suffer the tribulations of what I believed to be an inevitable transformation was to bring it about myself.

He's so bloody arrogant. He puts himself above the entire world. It makes sense, he's from Regency era England, but like, it's still... really awful. Awful person.

Beyond that, I was getting older, and mortality began to weigh more heavily on my mind. How much in this world is done because we fear death, the last and greatest terror?

When I fear death I distract myself, not try to end the world. Like, this guy is just so evil. His only redeeming quality is being funny sometimes.

Everyone dies, Jack Magnet, you just chose to be a bastard about it.

Of course, I had to make sure the location was kept under my control while I worked on revising my plans, and so I moved the organization I had founded to assist in my research down to London, and the Institute as you know it, was born.

Right, so The Magnus Protocol's Magnus Institute was located in Manchester, and I'm not an expert on the geography of the United Kingdom, and basically know nothing about Manchester, bar that it has the... football, I want to say, team Manchester United? I don't know how I know that. But it seems as though Jonah Magnus didn't attempt his ritual, or attempted it some other way in that universe.

You see, the role of Archivist has been part of the Beholding for as far back as my research can go. This isn’t uncommon for the Powers; most of the beliefs around them are guesswork and fallible human interpretation, but there are certain through lines and consistencies that can be spotted, regardless of the trappings.

I wonder what the others are. The Dancer could be one - The Dancer in The Unknowing. I think Jonny said in a QnA, but you know, the author is dead, he's speaking to us posthumously, that The Architect could have been one. Not sure what others. If y'all have any ideas... 👀

More than once I thought she must secretly be of the Hunt; but there was never that sick joy in her, that thrill of predator and prey. She had simply decided that this was her position in life, and went about it with a practicality that even I found disconcerting at times.

Ok, Mr. Jonah "orchestrates twelve traumatising events for this one guy and gets him to end the world" Magnus. He cannot talk, he cannot talk at all. Sure, she sacrificed people, but she wasn't malicious. She did it for a cause. Did she believe she was good? I'm not sure she cared.

Jonah Magnus is just awful for his own self gain.

You see, the thing about the Fears is that they can never be truly separated from each other. When does the fear of sudden violence transition into the panic of hunted prey? When does the mask of the Stranger become the deception of the Spiral? Even those that seem to exist in direct opposition rely on each other for their definition as much as up relies on down. To try and create a world with only the Buried makes as much sense as trying to conceive a world with only down.

Gerry's colour explanation makes a lot of sense if you don't conceive of it as a traditional colour wheel. They're growing out in every direction, they all overlap with each other.

Sure, the fear of The Eye may seem in direct opposition to the fear of The Stranger, but let's take Jon, for instance. Is it not sort of Stranger to have some guy in a coffee shop staring at you with his autistic eyes, a person you don't know, but who definitely knows you?

What about the fear of The Buried and the fear of The Vast. Episode 195 covers that pretty handily. They're all interconnected with all of the others. Separating them makes them easier to understand (and invertedly makes them actually separated), but it isn't them, not truly. They are connected intrinsically.

Even the coffin! The fear of being alone in the dark is a part of the coffin.

Because the thing about the Archivist is that, well, it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named: The Archive. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon. You are a record of fear, both in mind as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement, and in body as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this. The Archivist is something... defined by how they feed their patron, but The Archive is defined by how they've been hurt to bring it into the world. He's not defined by even a person-like role, he's something molded by Jonah Magnus' desires to end the world.

I wrote a little poem about it, which I shall share here, because I am cringe but I am free, unlike Jon. RIP

He's not a person with a name, He's a vessel of destruction, He's not a person who feels pain, It's necessary for production, That he's scarred and marked, By things that lurk in the dark, Believe himself useless, Or it'll be fruitless, And at the end of the day, He's no person, no name, He's a plan that has come to fruition.

Also, he calls himself The Archivist, perhaps viewing himself as... something that hurts others, rather than something that is hurt for a purpose.

I’ll admit, my options were somewhat limited, but my god, when you came to me already marked by the Web, I knew it had to be you. I even held out some small hope you had been sent by the Spider as a sort of implicit blessing on my whole project and, do you know what, I think it was.

"I chose you" "I'll admit, my options were somewhat limited" Mr. Magnet, he was chosen by the web. Jonah's just not afraid to be puppeted.

So, when Jane Prentiss attacked, I watched eagerly, one hand on the gas release from the start.

This line fucked me up. "One hand on the gas release from the start." Just... like it just sticks in my mind. How he held all their lives in the palm of his hand, how he let Sasha die, and Tim get eaten by worms, because he wanted his bloody perfect Archive.

One hand on the gas release from the start, while all of them almost - or did - die(d).

Like, what gets me is how fucked up Jon was afterwards, how he was asking everyone for their statements, shutting them up before they got to the part where they'd mention Jon and Tim getting eaten with worms. What gets me is how Elias was there and Jon was what, looked like a bloody mummy! He didn't have second thoughts when he saw...

He knew everything. He saw everything. He saw how fucked up Jon was over e v e r y t h i n g. (everything)

That's what gets me.

Between the stabbing and at least two desperate flights into its door, you’re marked very deep by the Spiral.

And, you know, the manipulation, the gaslighting, the betrayal. I saw an interesting post on this, but I can't seem to find it. I'll look in the posts I've rbed tagged TMA meta, I'll link it in a reblog if I find it.

Honestly, I had nothing to do with Melanie and her Slaughter adventure, but when I saw the situation, I made sure to trap her here, so whenever her rage bubbled over you were right there, a ready target.

You know after Jon's second kidnapping that could have totally been resolved how Jonah made Jon stand in front of Melanie while she wanted to kill Jonah with a knife, and how it's like oh, right, yeah, use Jon as a bloody meat shield to get her angry at him, make him the scapegoat, that was intentional. It was intentional to destroy everyone in the Archives' interpersonal relationships, and then have Jon. A ready target for hatred and vitriol.

How is Martin, by the way? He looks well. You will keep an eye on him when all this is over, won’t you? He’s earned that.

I think that Jonah Magnus should eat shit and die.

The power of the Ceaseless Watcher flows through you, and the time of our victory is here.

If you replace the Ceaseless Watcher with Determination then it reads like an Undertale save.

* The power of Determination flows through you, and the time of our victory is here.

Don’t worry, Jon. You’ll get used to it here, in the world that we have made.

This also ties in with the above, I hate that he says "our victory" "the world that we have made." Jon didn't consent to this, Jon didn't want this, Jon was made to be an unwilling conduit of the apocolypse and Jonah Magnus is insinuating that he chose it, the victim blaming little prick!

You who watch and know and understand none. You who listen and hear and will not comprehend. You who wait and wait and drink in all that is not yours by right. Come to us in your wholeness. Come to us in your perfection. Bring all that is fear and all that is terror and all that is the awful dread that crawls and chokes and blinds and falls and twists and leaves and hides and weaves and burns and hunts and rips and bleeds and dies! Come to us. I OPEN THE DOOR!

GREAT INCANTATION! 10/10! And it's actually recitable, unlike the TBI one.

ARCHIVIST Look at the sky, Martin. Look at the sky. It’s looking back.

That is a fucking fantastic final line of the episode. All of it, four seasons leading up to this moment. Look at the sky. It's looking back.

Fuck dude!

(The Archivist begins a fractured, delirious, humourless, laugh that does not end)

That laugh.

That laugh is just... haunting. I love it so much. It makes me want to cry. I used to have it saved on my phone and I'd just listen to it over and over and over again and get more and more disturbed and heartbroken.

That laugh. That broken, horrific laugh.

I can't get over it.

And thus ends season 4 of The Magnus Archives. With a broken laugh in front of a window, leading out to the doomed world.

Episode 160 is quite possibly my favourite metaplot episode of The Magnus Archives, the way the whole plan was revealed, the awful manipulations that were exposed... that laugh.

I leave you all to think on this. To think on the Archive née the Archivist née Jonathan Sims, laughing at the world he has unwillingly and unwittingly doomed.

Goodnight, a-mag-a-day, goodnight. /ref

[yaminerua]

negative vent

the state of my life rn feels like a runaway train

man idk how people can just cook and clean up and not just completely feel like they’re turning to dust afterwards from exhaustion

idk how my family made breakfast lunch and dinner and navigated me not liking the main dinner as a kid and having to have something else bc just making one meal for three of us is enough to put me in the ground so the thought of having to do an additional meal alongside the first one makes my brain feel like it’s ripping itself apart with stress

I end up completely mentally and physically drained bc of all the different steps plus the anxiety of making sure I tidy up afterwards bc if I don’t do it immediately it won’t get done and it’ll build up

there’s got to be some neurodivergence making this extra hard but whether that’s just the good old fashioned depression or something else that makes it feel like torture trying to maintain just regular daily upkeep idk

my dad is trying desperately to make money in a self employed job that hasn’t fucking paid anything in years bc it relies on business deals he facilitates actually going ahead and reaching the payment stage which has literally never happened in the years he’s been trying to do it bc he lives in a fantasy land where he thinks he can make big money on big deals with people who do not give a fuck that we are struggling to hold onto our fucking house and who could fix our problems with one payment that wouldn’t even dent their mountains of money

so he is on the phone constantly and unable to find time to feed himself or my brother who sleeps until 6pm, won’t eat anything after midnight and is losing weight while already considered underweight despite me now spending nearly all day in the kitchen trying to get meals and snacks and shit for him to keep him from getting any more underweight

and I’m just buckling man

I have no time for myself to just sit and chill properly. Even when I try to get a drawing or something doodled out it’s done while I’m sitting in the kitchen waiting for my legs to stop throbbing so I can get back to cooking or washing up. I keep talking about wanting to get back to digital art and commissions once I have my hands on a laptop but the reality is even when I get that I might still just not have the actual time to do what I used to love doing

I haven’t been out of the house much since before the pandemic. I haven’t seen any friends since then either. My life has become a slog of wake up, spend the day in the kitchen in a constant frenzied anxiety cooking state, go to bed and be plagued by the Horrors making me just want to die and not have to wake up to more of the same and there’s no end to it

I’m still waiting for the dwp to give me the extra money I am eligible for and I’m dreading the winter after the struggle the last one was.

I’d have takeout more often if we could justifiably afford it. But my brother is particular about those too and only eats certain things so even if I had the money and energy I don’t have much I can work with. How do you fit a full day’s worth of meals into less than 5 hours when your options are further limited by what he’ll accept

I’m worried about him and his low energy. I’m worried about dad and his high stress. I’m worried about the house being taken if our money runs out. I feel guilty that I’m failing my brother and dad despite turning myself inside out to cook for them and tidy up after myself and make sure they get food even tho it’s clearly not enough.

and on top of that I’ve had a shitty wheezy chest for months presumably bc of the air quality in here bc of the dust and clutter that just has sat for ages bc who has the time to go through it and there’s fucking clothes moths hanging around spiders everywhere and I can move the clutter to clean around it enough

I’m absolutely clawing my way through each day and the only reason I don’t just give in to the exhaustion and spend the whole week in bed is the fact they both need me to do this

pre-covid my uncle used to spend more time here bc my granny was here so things were so much more balanced and maintained but after his mental health struggles in lockdown knocked him for six the state of the house stresses him out so much he can’t come near and it depresses him and as a result I haven’t seen him since last year at my granny’s birthday at the care home and before that it was sometime in 2020 the last I’d seen him

I’m on the brink of collapse and I’ve had a whole bunch of dizzy spells in the kitchen lately and yet I push on bc I can’t stop

I’ve become some kind of spindly pillar trying desperately to hold up a crumbling household and I’m splintering in the process under the pressure but what can I do? If I don’t do this it’ll only be much worse

fucking hell im so tired

[enchanting-grom-fright]

really fucking embarrassinggg post that’s definitely been said a million times before buttt ii need to get this out of my head so wtvrr

just had like a wake up call earlier today and itss been on my mind i mean obviously this topic has been anyways but it’s kind of different this time

idk during first pd i was like left alone with a bunch of free time and nothing else to do so my thoughts just went to their defaults of like food and sh and like that’s obviously just standard at this point but

idk it’s just weird bcs i’ve spent like years constantly trying to (or not at all attempting otherwise) get worse but like for the very first time a few months (month ? idk) i don’t want it to be that way anymore

like i want to get better and i want to recover from sh , genuinely

and like i was thinking abt that essentially and by second pd it just turned into me panicking bcs i want to i really want to and i’ve been trying to but inevitably the thought of it is obviously like horrifying to like one day not have that thing to fall back on. and like i mean obviously it’ll always an option ig but hat if i lose my ability to do it as deep as i can now or am upset at myself and don’t have the constant sting to remind myself at least i’m punishing myself in some way or what if i get better and no one gives a shit anymore and i’m just left alone with myself without sh to accompany me. but also i hope i keep it up in the long run

and it just got to me especially that time and it ended up like getting to me and led me to spiral to think i’m not real. and like, from the dozens of times this has happened i know that’s like some form of my brain trying to protect itself from like yk the fact that the reality i’m living in or abt to face is real. and it’s not like a conscious thought, actually i need to consciously convince myself that my like both physical and mental feelings rnt real which i’ve definitely learned how to do for the most part so it’s been a while since the last time i’ve like genuinely convinced myself and spent like days straight like that but anyways essentially it’s just like obviously hard to put together anything remotely sensible in my thoughts anyways so it took me a few hours to like genuinely realize. but i’m like oh my fuckjng god that was happening bcs my brain like almost couldn’t handle the thought of like what i was talking abt above. and like the moment i realized that i like instantly just snapped out of it and back to real life like it literally felt like magic

which likee idk none of this is actually a big deal as in this day will probably blend in with the rest in like a months time and this is standard enough to forget but

like my excuse for myself for a while was like well if i try to recover i’m sure i’ll have zero problem so i don’t deserve it enough i need to make it hard for myself

and like obviously not to go like boo hoo look at me but just to say like though this hasn’t been my reasoning for a while there’s definitely a part of me who still definitely believes it

which ik is irrational but like yk

like even this has very much proved to not be true but still like what if i just wasn’t trying hard enough

but this has just kind of served as a reminder like oh lmao that’s not the case like my problems maybe possibly rnt actually nothing

but anyways sorry i realize this almost definitely sounds incredibley stupid but i just had to like think it out somewhere so my mind would shut up a bit so yeaa

oh and also despite that i did stay clean all of today so that’s cool ig

[3dayweeknd]

ok this is a massive trigger warning for suicide im very serious this is probably dangerous to open

ok the thing I hate about people who don’t u deter and suicidal ideation is when like they try to convince u it’s not worth it or try to like.. talk u out of even thinking about it (like that even possible) by saying like who’s gonna clean up the mess who’s gonna deal with the aftermath u don’t wanna burden ur loved ones with your death blah blah blah. like this doesn’t help babe because yeah it’ll make me feel bad but it’s gonna make me hate myself more bc now I’m a burden if I stay alive AND I’m still a burden if I die. so that doesn’t really solve anything ur just making me feel worse about myself and I hate myself more for thinking about dying but at the same time I still don’t feel like staying alive would do any good so great problem not solved😍😍😍 and then like people who are like don’t be selfish😔😔😔😔😔 actually make me mad like yeah I am thinking about myself and how much better it might be if I died but ur saying it’s selfish to want to feel better.. ok then bestie I see the message ur communicating to me I guess I’ll throw all my mental health solutions away then and people are like ur being selfish this would be such a burden on your family like ok yeah do u think I haven’t thought about every single aspect of what would happen after I died y fucking idiot don’t u think maybe I thought about how it might hurt some people at first but how in the long run they at least won’t have to stress about my well-being or my academics or my health or financial burdens that come with my health and my academics and whatnot u fucking stupid. people who think about this most often think that they are doing their loved ones a favor if they were to die so u are no help. don’t try to convince me to change my mind I don’t get why people do that like ur not my fucking therapist lol u don’t know what ur doing and u don’t know me like that

[shorkbrian]

I guess the sane sibling (as in the one who isn't interested in their stepsibling not-platonically) is a rule to have a incest or pseudo-incest kink but it's just saddens my perverted sick fuck self 😭 I just wanted to yandere!step-bro Tamaki to be his creepy shy so I could (probably kill him in the process) worship his cock knowing the boy would jest get SO overwhelmed 🥴 I'm sorry but I want him to stuff his lil sis with his cum while he sobs 😭 when he sees it oozing out he would RIP

When I write a character to be yandere, it’s usually my intent to not glorify their behavior. If I were in the situation as reader, it would feel like a horror movie, bc yandere actions are so not cash money.

But I’m able to write like, non-yandere smut y’all. I’m still a dark content blog, and I’ll write kinks that are a bit.... well, dark, obvs lol you just gotta ask!

and since you did - 

(What to expect - incest, NSFW, unsafe sex, blowjobs, consensual sex, toys)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Tamaki?”

Your brother came around the corner, backpack still slung on his shoulder. Socked feet padded towards you on the couch, the ravenette shrugging his backpack off and gently setting it on the floor by the couch, before joining you as you sat on the plush cushions.

“Hey, you okay?” You asked, setting your textbooks on the coffee table in front of you before leaning against your older brother, rubbing his arm a little bit.

Both of you were in college, taking classes, working on the weekends to pay for the tiny little apartment you shared. 

Tamaki looked tired, eyes downcast, soft frown on his lips, shoulders slumped. he was a shy man, but he didn’t usually look so..... defeated when he normally returned home after class.

“Mm.” The man hummed, sinking against you, melting into your touch.

“You look tired ‘Maki.”

He hummed again, closing his eyes as he brought his feet up, curling them underneath him as he pressed against you. The soft sweater he was wearing brushed against your bare arms, a little bit of your exposed thigh.

You weren’t shy about what you wore around the house, but for your brother’s sanity, you tried to keep somewhat covered, foregoing sports bras and wearing tank tops instead, ditching booty shorts for slightly longer (but not by much) shorts that covered you more fully.

Wearing less clothing meant Tamaki was clumsier, fumbling with the remote, bumping against things while he walked, bright red flush coloring his cheeks and melting to his collarbones, all because his eyes were glued to you.

Plus, it meant the man struggled with constant erections. He tried to hide it, embarrassed at his body no matter how many times you’d told him you adored it.

Your brother was shy, too shy to come to you and initiate, to find relief where you so gladly offered it.

That just means you had to get real good at noticing when he needed to relax a little.

You pushed Tamaki upright, ignoring his cute whine as you slid off the couch to kneel in front of him, dancing your fingers along his jean-clad thighs.

“Tell me how your day went.”

Your hands gently pushed his thighs open, watching your brother’s lips part with a gasp as you handled him. His head fell back against the couch, dark hair falling away from his eyes.

He was so pretty.

“Uhm, it was nice.”

“Mmhm.” You unzipped his jeans, slowly peeling the fabric down, your brother lifting his hips to help you out, his hands clutching at his soft sweater.

Boxers came next, Tamaki gazing down at you with red cheeks as you slipped them off his legs.

“Well, I-I woke up on time this morning, and I made it to class before the professor.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Praise easily tumbled from your lips as you wrapped a loose hand around Tamaki’s pretty pink cock, squeezing the shaft gently.

“Bio and psych went well, I got my test scores for my language class, and-and I got a B+.” His breath hitched as you took your hands off his cock, bringing a palm up to your mouth so you could wet it with your tongue, get it nice and slick for when you touched him again.

“I-I ate lunch with Mirio... and then I had math...” HIs voice was getting quieter, mumbling.

Math was never his strong suit, and you know it was one of his most-hated classes. Luckily, it was just once a week, on Tuesdays.

“How’d that go?” Your hands were on his cock again, wet with your spit, twisting around his length slowly as you moved them up and down.

“Uh, it-it went alright. I-I just ha-hate math.” Tamaki whimpered, his hips bucking up a little as you squeezed his tip, watching precum bead before bubbling over.

“Mm, well, maybe you can tell me some of the concepts? I might be able to help you out with homework.”

Tamaki couldn’t even nod, nor thank you for your offer before you were slurping his cock into your mouth. The man cried out, soft voice rising in pitch as you swallowed around him.

You fluttered your eyelashes up at him, but that didn’t get his attention, so you resorted to a gentle tap to his thigh to remind him to keep talking.

“Oh, oh, uhm... There’s..... ah...s-statistics. We-we’re learning how to.... how to display, and de-scrIBE-oh!” He lurched upwards, fingers flying to your hair as you used your tongue to play with the opening at the top. You could feel his little sweater paws as Tamaki gently fisted your hair.

Another gentle tap to his thigh.

“There’s also-also.... ohhh, uhm-ah! There’s.... prob-probablity, and I don’t.... unhh, unh-don’t get it at-at all...” His sentence ended on a breathy whine as you began bobbing your head. His voice was so cute, so pretty just like the rest of him, smooth and sweet.

“Oh, (Y/N), yes, yes! Can I-can I cum? Please?”

It had only been a few minutes, but Tamaki was close to the edge, slim thighs tensing behind your head as you considered his request.

You popped off his length, licking your lips and ignoring his pleading whine.

“Of course baby boy, always-” A soft kiss was laid against his thigh, and Tamaki threw his head back, thin chest heaving underneath his cute sweater, his face bright red.

He got overwhelmed at the littlest things.

Once his cock was back in your mouth, it took a tiny bit of work to bring him to the edge, bobbing your head, swirling your tongue, hollowing your cheeks and really sucking.

Those pretty moans echoed throughout the tiny apartment, filling up the space, filling your ears, making you want to smile. He was a sweet man, and you were glad to be so close to him.

A moment more and he was cumming, hot seed dripping down your throat, his fingers twisted in your hair, balls drawn up and pulsing against your chin.

-----

“Tamaki, you already got to cum and I didn’t.” You pouted, sitting on your bed.

You had helped your younger brother wash-up, licking his spent cock clean before tucking him back into your pants. Climbing up into his lap to boop his nose and whisper an “I love you” into his ear, grinding against his thigh in the process.

He had gotten his release, and now you were hungry for your own.

“Don’t be greedy-” Your fingers plunge into your cunt over and over, palm grinding against your clit as you stretch yourself out, watching Tamaki through hooded eyes as he sits obediently at the foot of your bed.

“Please, I-I just wanna t-touch myself a l-little?” His hands are pinching at his bare thighs, desperate to fist themselves around his dripping cock. You’d told him to be good and stay still and watch as you got yourself ready, and he had been.

Tamaki was just needy.

“Okay, but just a little, okay? No cumming.”

“Thank you, oh, thank you-” The man breathes, hands flying to wrap around his cock, his eyes fluttering shut as his hips bucked up a little towards the pressure.

You giggle a little at how cute he is, those big indigo eyes focusing back onto you again, dropping to your wet fingers as you eagerly fuck yourself on them.

But it’s not enough, and you want more.

A quick search through your bedside drawer and you find your vibrator, quickly flicking it on, watching Tamaki gulp as you bring it against your cunt. You sigh as it makes contact, the buzzy, rumbly sensation traveling through your thighs as you easily grind your hips forward against the wand.

“Mmh, I’ve been thinking... ooo, that feels so nice.” You moan, placing a hand behind you so you can steady yourself as you begin to hump against your vibrator. “I’ve been thinking though, that I should get you some-oh-get you some toys.”

Tamaki whimpers, high and pitched, and you smile when his cock visibly throbs. The man has to clench a fist around the base, squeezing hard to stop himself from humming.

“You like that idea? Yeah?”

He nodded, hair bobbing as his head moved enthusiastically.

“You’d look so pretty with a cock ring, mm, you would. And-oh, I could get one that vibrates, and it’ll feel like heaven when you fuck me.”

Your pussy was gushing, throbbing against the wand. You didn’t want to cum too soon, so you flicked it off, before crawling towards your brother.

“We could get you a nice little plug, maybe one that vibrates? And you could keep it in allllll day. You could go to class with it, and jerk yourself off in the bathrooms. I’d love if you sent me a video of you moaning my name as you cum into the toilet.”

The man whined again, his hips bucking up.

You giggled, rising to your knees so you could straddle the man, a hand finding his hard cock beneath you, lining it up to your dripping cunt.

“Would you like that ‘Maki?”

“Yes, yes-oh s-so much, please, that sounds-gUH!” His words choked off into a pathetic moan as you sank down on his length, and you sigh at the feeling of fullness.

Tamaki presses a hand over his mouth, embarrassed by the needy moans that he’s unable to suppress, hips bucking up against your warmth, trying to seat himself deeper.

“Don’t cover your mouth, I wanna hear you. You feel so good inside me.” You coo, using your thighs to bounce a little on his cock.

His hand falls to the side, and you lean forward to kiss him, letting your tongue play with his, slick, wet sounds filling the room.

And then you tell him to fuck you.

The man doesn’t hold back, greedy, slender hands fixing themselves around your waist as his hips work, pushing himself inside your cunt again and again and again.

Both of you are breathing heavily, and it feels so good, the way he fucks you.

“Oh fuck, keep going, ‘m almost there!” You pant, reaching a hand down to play with your clit, four fingers rubbing across the little nub as you climb higher and higher.

And when you cum, it’s with a full-body shudder, a cry tumbling from your lips as you slam your hips against your brothers.

Tamaki tumbles over the edge soon after, barely managing to pull free from your slick cunt before his cock is bursting with cum, painting the soft skin of your tummy with his release.

You rest against him, laying your head on his shoulder as you pant onto his skin, satisfied and warm.

When you gather your bearings, you shuffle off his lap, searching through the covers to wind the wand you’d previously dropped.

“You’re such a good boy ‘Maki, but I wanted you to cum inside-” You were pouting again as you held up the vibrator, waving it in the air.

Tamaki looked like a deer caught in the headlights, eyes wide. “W-what?”

“I’m gonna play with you a bit until you get hard again, and then I’m going to put your tip inside me-just the tip- and you’re going to cum while I use the vibrator on you, got it?”

The man shivers in anticipation, and you smile.

You love each other so much.

[k3rm1e]

dadza & sbi

a continuation of yesterday’s ask-

hiiii i know i haz been lurk 🐮 Anoon for a good bitz but I haz an idea fro DadBoyHalo and Dadza(sepretz courze!!) havingz to take care of their very chaos childrenz(DadBoyHalo wif Sapnap + reader, Dadza with SBI + reader) ówò?

Thankz yuuuu!!!

-🐮 Anoon

🐮anon i am here with dadza! thank you for the patient waiting ;-;

i am referring to the samsung refrigerator as sam bc i have no clue what to address her as (ﾟωﾟ；)

this also went off track but whatever lmao

cw: swearing

dadza:

phil did not expect this when he decided to have kids. in the beginning, he was only planning on the one. wilbur was the sweetest kid ever when he was born. never caused any trouble, was peaceful. hell, the kid seemed like he would rather play music 24/7 before yelling at a single person. then again, his wife was always too caring.

when he traveled to the nether with sam, taking his son with him for the first time, he didn’t expect to acquire another kid. they were walking along an old path that had been made year before, when suddenly wilbur started shouting, pointing at a small pink figure.

the baby piglin was surrounded by bigger, larger piglins. they were trying to take his gold as he fearfully warded them off. sam, with her large heart, urged phil to go save the child as she protected wilbur. through a long fight with grunts and yells, he had saved the kid.

“hello, young one. are you alright?” the piglin regarded him suspiciously, not knowing if he would hurt him. phil, from the corner of his eye, saw the kid eyeing the gold on the ground. “you want your shit back, mate?” phil turned around and quickly picked up the goods. “here you go, kid.” and from there, he had suddenly acquired another ward.

within the next few years, tensions rose. the young piglin, who phil had named technoblade, was slowly learning english. he wanted to learn how to fight, to protect himself and not end up in a situation like the one phil had saved him from. sam did not approved of this, ever the passive refrigerator. phil and sam argued nearly all the time. wilbur and techno began spending more time together, out of the house.

“techno, it's not your fault. you know that right?” wilbur was walking with techno, his guitar on his back. the house was no longer a good place to hangout, so they walked into town.

“well of course its not, wil. i know that, at the very least. i’m just trying to protect myself, the same as phil does. in the future i could even win competitions, make us some extra money.” the two boys were walking and talking, when suddenly they ran into a loud blonde kid who was with someone else they couldn’t really see.

“hey! watch where you’re going, kid!” wilbur yelled a the shorter blonde, who knocked him over.

“oh, fuck off, will you? i didn’t mean to, you don’t have to be a prick about it.” wilbur looked flabergasted at this, a kid much younger than him having this type of mouth?

“hey! do not fucking speak to me that way, do you understand?” wilbur pointed at the two kids, looking like a so-called ‘karen’ in the internet compilations.

“oh come on, dude, you just swore and you look only a few years older than me! don’t be a fucking hypocrite.” you looked sternly at the brown-haired male, watching his mouth open and close, like a fish.

“wilbur, you know we both swore at that age. give them a break, will ya?” techno was smirking at the two of you, knowing he was pissing wilbur off.

“ugh, whatever techno. fuck off, mate.”

the two boys continued walking into town, done with the conversation. but your blonde friend, apparently, may not have been. “c’mon! let’s follow them!”

“uhh, why tommy? it’ll bring us nothing but trouble.” you were confused at what tommy was getting at, but you knew it was nothing good.

“and? trouble is my middle name, obviously.” he grabbed you hand and began dragging you in the direction the boys went.

when you arrived in town center, wilbur was seen talking to a shorter girl, while the piglin was arguing with a figure wearing green. tommy turned to you, “i’ll go talk to the cool one, you can go talk to the cunt who berated us for swearing.” knowing that once tommy made a decision he wouldn’t change his mind, you gave in.

walking over slowly, you noticed when you caught the boy’s attention. he looked over to you and his face darkened. “not you again… what do you want?”

“who’s this?” the girl he was talking to you looked over to you. you smiled at her and told her your name. “that’s a nice name. i’m niki.”

the two of you shook hands and she moved over for you to sit down. wilbur, begrudgingly, allowed you to sit and chat with them. for about three hours, you all sat talking. after a bit of pleading, wilbur had pulled out his guitar and was playing you a song.  that was, until tommy ran over with techno as they were being chased a boy with a smiling mask, a boy with a white headband, and one with strange glasses.

“techno! what the fuck did you do now!?” wilbur stood up and began yelling at the piglin.

instead of a response, he was met with tommy screaming, “STOP CHASING ME, YOU FUCKIN’ BITCH! THIS IS CHILD ABUSE, I AM A MINOR!!! A MINOR!!”

“god fucking damnit, tech!” wilbur jumped up and dragged you with him. now all three of you were running from the boys.

once you had arrived in the forest clearing, wilbur was immediately on technoblade and tommy’s asses about what had happened.

“what. did. you. do.” wilbur was staring at them, his hands on his hips.

techno tried to explain, before tommy cut in “wilbur, i have done nothing. i was simply being a respectful citizen-”

“those terrible cunts were being terrible bitches to us, wilbur! they were threatening the blade here, saying we couldn't fight. but i showed them!” tommy seemed incredibly proud of himself.

“techno, what did this demon child do?” wilbur was staring at nothing, looking dead inside.

“i am now participating in a duel with dream tomorrow, at 4:20 P.M.” wilbur looked extremely pale at this, like he was begging god for mercy.

the four of you walked back to phil’s house. wilbur felt too guilty to leave you guys in  town, especially when tommy had gotten into a fight with dream.

when you arrived at the house, phil immediately pulled you in, seeing that you guys were covered in cuts and bruises. when you went in, sam was nowhere to be seen.

“what the hell happened? why are there two very dirty children with you and why is techno smirking like that?”

after an explanation from the two of, phil began tending to your wounds. “wilbur, techno, go clear out the guest room for these two. we’ll talk more tonight. once you and tommy were nicely bandaged and clean, you were sent to the guest bedroom.

“you think we’ll be safe here, tommy?” you turned over to look at your friend who was in the bed across from yours. for years, you had been living on the streets, surviving off the bread the nice lady would provide you with.

“of course we will. we’re big men, you know that. besides, did you see techno over there? we’ll be just fine.”

“thanks tommy. love you, mate.” you smiled at tommy.

“night. love you too, big man."

in the morning, at the duel between technoblade and dream, it was suspenseful. even when you felt like he would lose hope, techno pulled through. even if sam had left and and was now in the dump, phil knew it would be okay. he acquired to new kids and would make sure they had a better life than the one they had before.

i hope you liked this one 🐮 anon! <3

[tendouluvr]

aizawa as a dad - teenage!reader

- fluff, dad aizawa momen

- warnings: hrmm none i think

- wc: 1.3k

a/n: basically me listing things i want bc im dadless

ps this is before the dorms were implemented meaning this takes place before that, so things that happened after that does not exist in this world

remembers your birthday

#! even you don’t remember it sometimes, but he does

#! it’s the morning of your birthday, you’re both in the kitchen

#! he’s drinking his daily dose of caffeine, lazily packing his lunch

#! you’re..falling asleep at the dining table...

#! you hear the chair next to you scrape across the floor, opening your eyes you see your dad deeply sigh while taking a seat

#! “you’re older now, so that means you have to be more responsible. you should be taking care of yourself. you also should listen to me more.”

#! you: ... (•.•?)

#! him: ..what?

#! “huh, what’re you going on about?” you rack your brain to think what could’ve possibly made him go on that unexpected lecture

#! “.......it’s your-,”

#! “OH, it’s my birthday,” you cut him off, giggling to yourself for forgetting such day

#! he sighs again and just pats your head before getting up to start leaving for school

#! “c’mon, you’ll be late.”

#! “ok~~.”

#! you won’t be late. he always make sure you’ll never be late, but he likes saying that because he thinks it’s so parent-like

always backs you up

#! even if deep down he knows you might lose in the practice battle against todoroki, he’s on your side

#! when it comes to silly little things like witty arguments between him and uncle present mic, you back him up leaving present mic with his echoed wails

#! also vice versa when you’re in some annoying banter with denki or something

#! you don’t call him ‘dad’ in class, nor does he show signs of favoritism towards you

#! you both know familial relations in school would always cause people to think about bias, favoritism, cheating, etc.

#! so luckily, he’s mature and you are too so you both know to not act so close with each other in school

#! but you drop the whole ‘aizawa sensei’ thing when you guys are alone

#! you did accidentally call him dad once when he was passing back test papers and you had a question about something

#! you were focused on the test papers you just got back, forgetting that you were in class for a second, and blurted out a quick, “dad? can you explain this.”

#! you didn’t even realize what you said until it got noticeably quiet in the class, causing you to raise your eyes up from the paper to see everyone looking at you and aizawa

#! he could care less, the man was getting cozy at his desk

#! you walked over to him anyway so he could answer your question

feeds you a lot of pre-made food or food that wasn’t cooked by him

#! he can’t really cook

#! he could do the bare minimum but the most you’ll ever get out of him is probably ramen with your favorite add-ons

#! his bffs can cook

#! aizawa doesn’t eat much himself, so when you entered his life he wasn’t really sure what to feed you

#! his best friends would cook for him now and then because they’re aware of his eating habits

#! but then they suddenly had two aizawas to feed

#! growing up you also ate a lot of freezer food. the good kinds though, the freezer food that doesn’t have that freezery taste after its been heated up

#! even though he couldn’t make you food, he still watched out for you and what you ate

#! if he notices that you’re eating too much sweet, he’ll comment on it. if he notices that you’re overdoing it with the salt, he’ll comment on it with a stern lecture about how deadly sodium can be.

#! he picks up your favorite convenience store snacks a lot after school

#! does aizawa seem like the type to make you eat veggies?? i’m not sure. sure he wants you to be healthy and not just consume junk, but i feel like he also doesn’t do too well with veggies

#! aizawa is secretly picky with his veggies hhhhh there’s specific ones he really likes, but for the most part he finds everything else weird in some way

#! headcanon that aizawa pouted over veggies he didn’t like as a kid and he would just stare at it thinking it’ll go away on its own

is loaded and spoils you unintentionally

#! he’s a prohero, one of the highest paying jobs by the government in the bnha universe

#! plus his teaching job. i know teachers salary isn’t too good, but it’s ua and this isn’t real life, so he’s probably getting paid stacks

#! also i think the cat outfit he bought for eri is suppose to be from some japanese brand that’s the equivalent of gucci in the u.s. (but ignore this bc this happened after the dorms were a thing 😁😁)

#! anyway he bought you a lot of toys as a kid, and tons of horrendous outfits that you cry over but never to his face because he’s trying his best </33

#! now that you’re a teenager, he doesn’t buy you toys anymore but has now evolved to buying you electronics on your birthday and just giving you pocket money

#! obviously aizawa doesn’t flaunt his wealth though, he doesn’t care about that and finds it unnecessary

#! he also barely spends on himself so he just has even more money saved up for no reason

#! but the thing is,, he doesn’t even realize how much he spends on you until you sit him down to talk to him

#! “dad, i do not need a new laptop. i’m fine with the one i have now, it’s still good. i saw you looking at laptops the other day.”

#! “what made you think i was looking at laptops for you?”

#! silence

#! complete, utter silence .....

#! “who’s it for then?!”

#! he rolls his eyes before answering you, “none of your business. go away.”

#! “ok fine whatever-,” you mumbled, “but my point still stands. i don’t need anything, and even if i did i can buy it myself!” you exclaimed boldly

#! “with what money?” he blankly stares at you

#! “with.....with... money i save up from birthdays and holidays because i never get to spend them!”

#! he just sighs, gets up from the couch, and walks away leaving you standing there smiling because you knew it was a successful talk

#! here’s a link to something i read that further added to my aizawa rich headcanon :]

kisses you goodnight on your forehead after he comes home from late missions/pro-hero runs

#! when you were a kid, you slept on his bed to feel safer

#! when he came home from late missions, he would walk into his room to see you bundled up in the blanket

#! after quickly getting ready for bed because he was schlumped, he got into bed as gently as possible to not wake you up

#! but you’re a light sleeper so you felt a familiar warmth encasing you and it jolted you awake, slightly whimpering trying to turn your head to see your dad

#! he noticed and quietly shushed you to get you back to sleep, “sh sh, it’s okay, it’s just me.”

#! your tiny arms would wrap around his chest and you stuffed your chubby face into his chest before you dozed off once again

#! now that you sleep in your own room, he would come home and peek in to check up on you

#! sometimes you were still awake — studying, on your phone, cleaning your room, insomnia, or just because

#! in this case he would just peek his head in, squint his tired eyes at you, mumble a slurred, “night.”, sigh at your smile that was clearly there to keep you from laughing, then finally head towards his room

#! but when he catches you asleep, he smiles to himself and makes his way into your room to give you a small forehead kiss before whispering, “goodnight.”

#! you never grew out of the light sleeping thing though, so you always knew of his small show of fatherly love

#! just don’t bring it up ever because he’s tired of you

[adamarks]

I’ve slept so little in the past 2 days bc of these fucking books, so you’ll forgive me that I’m crying and a bit hysterical right now. But here’s my hell-forsaken, honest-to-god review. I put it under a cut bc it’s so long.

After finishing Anyway the Wind Blows, I have realized that I’ve been running on such low low levels of hope in my own life.

During Wayward Son, when I first read it, I had really thought I’d been in a good place with my mental health at the time. I’d done some therapy. I’d escaped my dad. I’d slain the dragon! I’d won the war!! Surely, everything was peachy-keen, fine-as-rain, bye-bye silly depression I don’t need you no more!

But then Covid hit. And then my codependency hit. And codependency, it’s like a humdrum of its own, a black hole on the inside, a pit in myself, losing myself in someone else as its own addiction. It just ate me and ate me and I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep and I was the least important thing on the face of the earth. I’d get angry. Then hate myself for getting angry. Shove my feelings in a stupid box, and that would feed that hole in my gut. You’re not important. No one will ever love you. You’re bad. You’re wrong. You hate them. You hate yourself—

And then I had to leave. I had to run away, like a coward, for myself. I had to choose myself in the worst way. I had to choose myself, because I had to live, and I wanted to live, and I needed that crawling, disgusting, horrible rot in my stomach to leave.

The hole isn’t gone, not yet.

It’s still there. I think I’ll always carry it with me. But it’s smaller now. I can hold it and care for it and calm it down in the ways I’ve learned. It’s manageable, I guess.

But then I read Anyway the Wind Blows...

I read Carry On after I started standing up to my dad.

I read Wayward Son about a year after the worst depressive episode of my life.

I read Anyway the Wind Blows when I’d lost hope for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d never lost hope for this book. I knew it’d be amazing. I knew they’d love each other in such beautiful, stunning ways that I’d bawl like a baby. I knew this book would change me. I knew Rainbow was a fantastic author.

I didn’t know how desolate I was feeling about myself.

I didn’t know love could look like that.

I don’t know love. I never got to see it.

Not that I’d never been loved. That I didn’t have people my whole life that cared. I have a lot of people that mistake love for possession. Who want and wanted to own me. Who wanted me under their thumb.

I have friends, just as broken as me, if not more, where we love each other unconditionally. Where the love is so big and so good, it’s like breathing. It’s like life.

I didn’t know romantic love could scrub you clean.

I read their first sex scene. The first time. (Their first!) Last night, and I cried like a baby. I cried until I felt raw. Until I felt just as clean as them.

I didn’t know love with kisses and tangled sheets and sex could feel clean.

I’d been so preoccupied with the stupid hole inside my chest, the black, twisted thing that grew mold up my spine and fungus in my gut, that I didn’t realize that love— that complete vulnerability, on both ends, in its entirety— could help me clean out the muck.

I thought it would always be horrible and dark and difficult until the day you both died. I’d say I believe in love. In true love, even. But I didn’t really, not deep down. I always expected the worst.

I’m still just waiting and anticipating to be hurt.

I thought love was real, but for people besides myself. For others. Maybe people less fucked up, or something. (Or something or something or something)

I thought love was trying until the trying was hurting you, scorching you, making you hungry, making your stomach roll. Making you want to off yourself.

Love is trying, and every day it getting so slightly easier— or not easier, but slightly less frightening, to try. (It’s never easy. Life never is. It’s hard work. But it’s the fact that you understand. That you know. That you believe— that it’s worth it. That remembering that it’s worth it gets easier the more you try.)

Remembering that love is worth it.

You’re worth it.

I didn’t know love could look like this.

No one ever told me.

No one ever tried.

Maybe I could’ve lived my whole life not knowing. Died not knowing. Forced myself through more suffering, completely blind.

I just didn’t know.

And I didn’t know I’d been waiting for someone to show me.

To hold me and tell me, you’re not too broken. You can do that “love” thing. It’s possible. You’re allowed to try.

I’m allowed to try.

I’m allowed to keep going. To want. To need, to feel, to feel—

I’m allowed. I feel like this book gave me permission.

And I’m a different person than I was yesterday— And you always are, every time you’re brave enough to get up and face the day. But now I’ll always be a person that knows I’m allowed to try.

I don’t have to rot from the inside. I can hold someone and say, let’s try to help each other clean. And we can talk. And we can both try. And maybe it’ll be so good, I won’t want to stop trying, and I won’t run away.

Because I’ve finally been told— I’ve finally been shown…

It’s worth it.

[petersasteria]

good 4 u || harry holland

sour masterlist || harry || sour taglist

1,589 words sorry for the shit ending ?? bc i didnt know how to end it lmao italics are flashbacks

* * * *

“Babe, you didn’t have to spoil me.” You chuckled.

“You deserve it, love. You deserve the world.” Harry looked at you lovingly before pressing a sweet kiss on your lips.

-

“I really want to be a professional photographer and filmmaker, you know?” Harry told you one day. Both of you were lying wide awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Both of you couldn’t sleep, so you talked about random things.

“I believe in you, Harry. I believe in you more than anyone or anything. You can do just that. I support you.” You smiled as you turned your head to face him. He looked at you and grinned, “So, you think I’m really going to be those things?”

“Yeah. Why not? You’re an amazing photographer and filmmaker. Believe in yourself, Harry. My faith in you will be nothing if you don’t believe in yourself. Trust me.” You told him.

“That’s true. You’re right.” Harry said before yawning.

“I’m always right.” You curled up against him and rested your head on his chest. He chuckled and kissed the top of your head.

-

“Harry, where are you? I’ve been waiting out here for an hour now.” You said through the phone. Harry said he’d pick you up from your university, but he wasn’t there yet. Then it began to rain heavily, causing you to run to the nearest shade. You were cold, wet, and impatient.

“I’ll be there in a while. See you later!” Harry hung up.

After thirty minutes, Harry finally arrived. You quickly got in and sighed in relief when you realized the whole car was warm.

“What took you so long?” You asked him.

“My car’s acting up. I hate this old piece of shit.” Harry grumbled as he tried to start the car. After five tries, it finally worked.

“You need a new car.” You laughed.

“Yeah, I do.” He chuckled.

-

“I hope I’m not interrupting your sleepover or whatever.” Harry said quietly through the phone. You were at your friend, Elouise’s slumber party because it was her birthday.

“No, you’re not. We’re just watching a movie and I’ve seen this movie a bunch of times.” You assured him. You walked out of the living room and went to the kitchen. You sat on the bar stool and asked, “What’s up?”

“Mum and dad are just being mean, that’s all.” Harry sighed.

“I know you’re about to cry, so just let it out. Talk to me.” You said softly. Harry started sobbing and telling you about his fight with his parents.

“Y/N/N, I got offered an apprenticeship in Dublin. That’s the biggest opportunity I’ve ever received and they’re stopping me. It’s like they don’t want me to succeed, but when Tom wants something done, they let him. It’s so fucking tiring. I never asked them for anything and the one time I do, they say shit. It’s unfair.” He sobbed and your heart broke for him.

“I feel you. I legit feel the same way, but we just have to prove them wrong, yeah? You’ll make it big and what they say won’t matter as much anymore. They love you and they just want what’s best for you, but sometimes they don’t exactly know what’s best for you. It’s weird, I swear. Just prove them wrong. You’ll get another opportunity again and when you get that, it’ll be bigger than that apprenticeship in Dublin.” You told him with a small smile on your face.

“You get me so well.” Harry smiled as he wiped his tears. “I’ll just go to sleep now. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

-

You couldn’t take it anymore. Harry’s face seemed to be everywhere you went, haunting you. After being together for two and a half years, Harry broke up with you because of reasons only he seemed to know. After he broke up with you, you spent the whole week just crying. You didn’t understand, but life was really cruel.

Three weeks later, word got out that Harry was dating some model and that surprised you. It surprised you because he moved on really quick and he looked really happy and healthy. He looked better compared to when he was dating you. You were proud of him, but it made you wonder why Harry chose to make himself better for this girl and not for you when you were together. It seemed unfair.

Unfortunately, you were still friends with Sam. You were Sam’s favorite and he actually preferred you instead of Harry’s new girlfriend. Wanting to hang out with you, You and Sam met up at the mall and just shop or walk around. You couldn’t really hang out at Sam’s house because of Harry and his girlfriend.

“She’s nice, but I’m on your side.” Sam said as he ate his ice cream. You laughed and shook your head. Sam looked at you and said, “I’m serious! She’s trying to make me her best friend or something. Like, she’s trying really hard.”

“Then try to be her friend. Maybe you guys might click and then you’ll replace me like how Harry replaced me.” You said. You were aware it was petty and pathetic, but you couldn’t help it. This time, it was Sam who laughed.

“You know, I overheard him the other day. He told her that she’s the only person who gets him and I’m just sitting there all confused because he said the same thing to you. In fact, it’s like he forgot all about you.” Sam said as he animatedly spoke with his hands. He seemed really annoyed.

“Okay, then.” You chuckled. “You seem annoyed.”

“Yeah because I thought both of you were it for each other.” He said with a sad smile. You returned it, but didn’t say anything.

At the end of the day, it was time for both of you to go home. Sam groaned in frustration as he texted while walking. “What?” You asked, turning your head to look at him.

Both of you stopped walking when you reached the mall’s exit. Sam was typing furiously as you looked at him in confusion. “What’s wrong?” You asked.

He looked at you and sighed, “Tom can’t pick me up.”

“I thought you drove here?” You asked and he shook his head. “What happened to your car?”

“My parents borrowed it because their car is in the shop, getting fixed. Tom can’t pick me up because he has to use his car to go to an event that he forgot about. I’d call for an Uber or something, but I literally have zero money on me. So, I have no choice but to ask Harry.” Sam said, biting his lip.

“Well, shit.” Was all you said as Sam looked at you with guilt all over his face. He quickly sent a text to Harry and he smiled a bit when he immediately got a reply.

“He’s coming soon.” Sam told you. You snorted. You vividly remember Harry’s slow and beat up car. Sam was talking to you, but you weren’t really paying attention. Your mind went to all those times you spent in Harry’s old car and all the places you’ve been. Those were moments you’ll never forget.

“Y/N, my ride’s here.”

You were pulled from your thoughts as soon as Harry said that. You looked at the direction that Sam was looking at and you were surprised to see a beautiful, new car. It was charcoal grey and the windows were so clean, you could see the inside. Harry was driving and his new girlfriend was sitting on the passenger seat.

“Oh shit. I didn’t know she was coming.” Sam turned to you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N/N. If I had known he was taking her, I wouldn’t-”

“It’s okay. I’m mature and civil. I can handle it. Besides, I can’t avoid them forever. It was bound to happen.” You gave him a small smile.

Harry stopped in front of you both and he rolled his window down. His sunglasses were resting on top of his head and he looked really fresh.

“Are you getting in or not?” He asked Sam, completely ignoring you.

���Hello to you too.” Sam rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as he took a few steps to the door of his backseat. “Y/N, do you need a ride?”

You shook your head, “No, thanks. I’ll call an Uber.” You turned to face Harry, who was already looking at you. “Your photography is improving.” You said.

“Thanks.”

“Nice car, too. I’m glad you replaced the busted ol’ thing.” You chuckled awkwardly.

“Yeah, I figured I should buy myself a new car. The old one wasn’t doing it for me. I need to upgrade, y’know?”

You held back a snappy reply because it wouldn’t do you any good. Plus, you didn’t want to draw attention to yourself. You wanted to ask him if he broke up with you because he needed a girlfriend upgrade, but you kept it to yourself.

“Yeah, that’s nice. Good for you, though… and congrats, I guess.” You gave him a tight-lipped smile and he returned it. Sam got in the car and rolled his window down. “I’ll text you, okay?” Sam said and you just nodded. Harry drove away and you stood there, watching.

You wished you could not care like Harry and you wished you could move on just as quick, but you couldn’t. No matter how hard you tried, you were still stuck on him. It sucked.

* * * *

𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @celestialholland @alinastarkrovs @piscesparker @prancerrparkerr @spideyspeaches @givebuckyhisplumsnow @blueleatherbag @theonly1outof-a-billion @hollandbroz-n-haz @starlight-starks @webmeupspiderdaddy @studiesinspanish

[reidgraygubler]

a different type of high (spencer reid/reader) pt 6

Title: A Different Type of High (part six)

Request: no

Couple: spencer reid/gender-neutral!reader

Category: spicy fluff (RATED T)

Content Warning: swearing, talk about and allusions to sex, making out, mentions of dying, mentions of drug use (Dialiludid and Oxycodone), withdrawal and symptoms of withdrawal, attending narcotics anonymous, struggling with sobriety, mildly ooc spencer

Word Count: 3,637

Summary: Spencer and the team plan a dinner party to celebrate Reader’s 6-month anniversary of being clean. Reader and Spencer make a risky decision that could hurt their friendship 

A/N: Oh goodness, I’m so sorry this part took so long to be posted. I’ve had half of it written for a few weeks, and then I’ve been sitting on the other half bc it originally contained smut. I sat and thought about it for a few days, and I decided at extreme last minute to edit it and make it just spicy fluff, with a rating of pg13-T for the allusions of and talks of sex. I had my best friend proofread this and made sure it was a-okay to post with those ratings! i also edited all the parts so they could be for a gender-neutral reader! so please let me know if this part (or any other part) has an issue with pronouns. Again, im so sorry it took so long for this part to be posted. anyways, thank you all for the love and support! check out my masterlist!

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{***}{***}{***}

"Six months," I looked down at the token in hand. My eyes stayed glued to it for what seemed like an eternity, only looking away when there was a knock on the door. It wasn’t for 6 months, though, it was still my 5-month token. We’d be going to get my 6-month chip in a little bit...

"I hope you're not doing something stupid in there!" Spencer spoke on the other side of the door. I smiled before pulling the door open. He was leaning beside the door, waiting for me to leave. “I thought you’d never leave,” he looked over at me with a smile. I stepped more out of the bathroom and looked up at him. 

“Nope, just going to the bathroom,” I lied, but still kept a smile on my lips. I try not to lie to Spencer, but for some reason, this one was different. If I had it my way, I would keep myself locked in the bathroom, and never having to leave again. “Do you have to go? It’s free now,” I gestured towards the door. Spencer looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. “Although, I’d give it a minute…” I looked down at the ground and shrugged.

“Are you okay?” He asked, following beside me as I walked towards his bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at him as he stood right in front of me. "Six months, that's quite the achievement,” he whispered as he sat beside me.

“I’m just nervous… That’s all,” I shrugged as I looked over at him, “I already want the day to be over… Is that bad to say?” I rested my head on his shoulder after I leaned on him. 

“No, I don’t think so,” Spencer shook his head, “I think it’s totally valid. This is the first time that you’ve made it to such a big accomplishment… It’s exciting, it’s nerve-wracking…” he whispered. 

“I think it’s more than nerve-wracking…” my voice was hardly a whisper. “We should go. The faster we go, the faster we can get this over with,” I looked up at him and shrugged. 

“We should get going. It’s a very important meeting for you today. Gotta get that coin,” Spencer laughed, before standing up. I sighed deeply before standing up. I rolled my eyes. “It’ll be over faster than you think it will,” he wrapped his arm around me as he walked me outside. The weather drastically changed over the last six months, I’ve forgotten how nice Maryland can be when it’s not cold and snowy. And, as soon as we stepped outside, a warm breeze brushed across my skin and through my hair. I smiled, relaxing my shoulders slightly.

“It’s so nice out,” I looked up at Spencer and smiled. He returned the expression and looked around the street.

“Yeah, it is nice, isn’t it?” he looked back down at me with a soft smile. 

“We should go to the Washington Monument! I want to see the cherry blossoms! I’m sure they’re nice and bloomed and super pretty,” I suggested, hoping he’d want to go.

“I mean, if I have time. We have cases coming in left and right,” Spencer replied, making me feel sadder. I pouted.

“Yeah, that’s right. I guess I’ll just have to go,” I looked up at him with a sly smile.

“And, you’ll have to take lots of photos for me,” he smiled at me again. I rolled my eyes before tucking myself closer into his side.

{***}{***}{***} 

“I’m taking you out, come on,” Spencer grabbed my hand to pull me to my feet. I looked up at him and furrowed my eyebrows.

“What? Why?” I spoke, still staying on the couch. But, when he did finally get me on my feet, I yelped and fell into his body. Spencer wrapped his arms around my body to keep me steady. “We just got back!” I looked up as I tried to escape his grip.

“Because… You’re six months clean and that’s something worth celebrating,” he smiled as he looked down at me. “And, you deserve to be celebrated,” he whispered before poking my nose. I wrinkled my face and stuck my tongue out. “Please, for me?” he added. I dropped my shoulders. See, that’s not fair. He knows I’d do anything for him. And, if anything includes going out to celebrate something, then I guess I’ll have to do it.

“Okay, fine. You win. We can go out. But I don’t have anything nice to wear,” I spoke as I stepped away from Spencer’s embrace and towards his bedroom. I’ve basically moved into his place sometime over the last 6 months. So it could be our bedroom. But, it's an unofficial move in. I still have my shit in my shit apartment. “Granted, I don’t have much clothing here,” I looked back over at him and shrugged. It was just something to be planted in his head, maybe he’ll offer me to move in with him. Or maybe not. He’ll probably say that it isn’t very smart, me living with him. 

“I guess it’s a good thing that there’s something in the bedroom for you,” Spencer smiled as he dropped his head to his shoulder. I raised an eyebrow before looking into his room. “Jennifer and Penelope helped pick it out,” his voice followed me as I entered the room. 

“You didn’t have to get me this, Spencer,” I looked at him, awe in my eyes as I looked between him and the very nice clothing that was laid out on his bed. I honestly probably wouldn’t wear it out much. But if he takes me out to celebrate big milestones, then I’ll have an excuse to wear it.

“Of course I did. You should get to wear something nice on such a big night out. You get changed, I have to make a phone call real quick.” Spencer smiled at me before leaving me alone in his bedroom. I looked back down at the clothes and sighed deeply before changing out of my dingy sweater and jeans and into the dress. I looked down at my body before slowly leaving the room.

“I hate this,” I looked at Spencer, who was sitting on the couch, reading a book while he waited for me to finish getting dressed. He was quick to stand, nearly dropping his book to the ground as he looked at me. “Whaddya think?” I smiled at him before looking down at the clothes. 

“You look… It looks good,” Spencer looked up at me with a smile. I looked back up at him for a brief moment, only to look away. I could feel a heat grow on my cheeks as I walked towards him. “Oh, uh… Are you ready?” He watched as I grabbed for a sweater he let me borrow. 

 “Only if you are, you’re the one who planned this whole thing. I was fine just staying home,” I shrugged as I followed beside him. I didn’t want to argue with him on this one, though. He wanted to do something special for me, because this was a big milestone. And, it’s the first time I’ve ever made it to 6 months. Hopefully, it’s the only time I make it this far. But, who knows, bad things happen to good people. 

“I’m not going to be embarrassed, am I?” I looked up at Spencer as we walked out of his apartment. He grasped my hand as he led me out of the building.

“No, you… You shouldn’t be embarrassed,” Spencer furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. 

I don’t know why, but all I could think about was going to a restaurant on my birthday when I was younger… And, you know how the waiters and waitresses would crowd around and sing you their lame version of happy birthday, while forcing you to wear a hat that dozens of other people have worn… Their stupid birthday schtick? Remember? Ah, those were the good times, when Mom wasn’t out of her mind. But, I don’t think Spencer would force people to sing me a stupid song and wear a stupid hat for being clean of drugs for 6-months...

“I’m trusting you on this,” I smiled at him as we walked towards his car, “no one’s gonna sing like a song or anything?” I looked over at him as I slid into his car. He looked down at me with furrowed eyebrows, confusion on his face. Then it hit me that he had no idea what I was talking about.  

“No…. No one’s going to sing to you,” he looked at me, his tone heavily confused. 

“Nothing to worry about then,” I smiled as he pushed the door shut. I quickly buckled in and waited for Spencer to get into the driver’s side. I looked over at him with a smile as he got in. “I was just thinking… On the rare occasion when mom wasn’t awful, she’d take me out to eat, and a lot of the times it was my birthday… You remember that? And then they embarrass the fuck out of you,” I sighed as I looked at him. 

“No… That never happened to me,” he glanced at me as he started his car.

“That’s a shame, we should change that,” I smiled evilly at him as he started to drive. 

“I hate that you’re looking at me like that,” he looked at the road as he drove to our destination, “Do I even want to know?”

“No, but you’ll find out someday,” I smiled at him.

{***}{***}{***}

Spencer and I were very quiet as entered his apartment. I think that goes to show just how exhausted we both were. Considering he had brought me to his friend’s house, where the rest of his team was, to celebrate. It’s not that the people were exhausting, it’s just that we were out late, and I’m very emotional.

Which was the reason why I found myself crawling into bed in just a shirt and underwear. I could hear Spencer’s laughter as I got comfortable, but struggled with the blanket.

“I’m so tired,” I sighed as I pulled the blanket over my body. The bed shifted as Spencer climbed in beside me. “Like, all the tireds… Sleepy, mentally, emotionally, psychically,” I looked at him as I pressed my head into the pillow.

“Rossi does know how to have a dinner party. Six months is a pretty big thing to celebrate.” Spencer hummed as he moved closer to me. I looked up at him and smiled. 

“You didn’t have to plan a party for me. I would have been okay staying here,” I whispered as I got comfortable in his form.

My back was pressed right to Spencer’s chest, just like many nights before. His arm was wrapped around my middle to hold me as close as possible to him. My legs were tangled up with his. I let out a deep breath of air before smiling to myself.

“I’m proud of you, you know that?” Spencer whispered, his nose brushing over the shell of my ear. I rolled my shoulders and hummed happily. 

“Now it’s your turn,” I mumbled as I shifted slightly. I knew he was still struggling. It’s not easy… And Dilaudid seems like a kick to the ass drug. He’s trying though. He’s trying his hardest. I just wish there was a way I could help him. I knew he had been struggling more often recently. I would be too if my mentor left unexpectedly. It wasn’t fair to him, or the rest of his team. He gets to have a bit of a struggle, he shouldn’t have to though. The man who replaced Gideon though, David Rossi, is a nice guy. But I know Gideon was like his father figure to him. 

Spencer let out a breath of air through his nose. His air tickling my skin and moving my hair. “I couldn’t have done it without you, ya’ know?” I mumbled, nuzzling my head into the pillow more. It was Spencer’s turn to hum. “And, I’m more than willing to be by your side,” I whispered, hoping he didn’t hear me. But, he did, because he just hugged me harder.

I know it’s only 6 months and not the rest of my life. But, without Spencer, I don’t think I could have gotten to the 6-month point. And, to be honest, I might be dead. 

“That’d mean the world to me,” he whispered softly. I turned around so I was facing him. He looked down at me with a small smile. “I’m doing better, you know,” he spoke softly. I looked at him and nodded. “It’s just hard… With Gideon leaving… It just feels like everyone’s leaving,” he sniffled softly. 

“I’m not leaving… And, by the looks of it all, you have an entire family that isn’t leaving you, Spencer,” I kept my eyes on him, watching as he looked down at me. He stayed quiet, mulling over the words I had just said.

In fact, that left us in a comfortable silence. My eyes stayed glued to him, whereas his were closed. I knew he wasn’t asleep though. Spencer never sleeps. I knew our day wasn’t over yet. We always talked more before either of us fell asleep.

But... something scared me. The way he held onto me. He held me like I would go missing in the morning when he did eventually wake up. His grip around my waist and torso was tight, like I was a stuffed animal and he was the owner. Part of me wondered if he feared I was a drug-induced hallucination and would vanish in thin air. I wish there was a way I could tell him, to convince him that I wouldn’t ever disappear like that. 

His nose twitched as he rubbed his face into the pillow under his head. He slowly opened his eyes and looked back at me, the exhaustion of the day sitting in his eyes and expression. I understood that feeling. But, if he was anything like me, and he is a lot like me, I knew that even though he was exhausted, sleep wouldn’t find us in a while. 

“Go to sleep,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he pretended to sleep. I laughed lightly, causing him to glare at me. 

“I’m not tired, and I know you’re not either. You’re faking it,” I muttered as I shifted even closer to him. I still kept my head tilted up so I could look at him. “You know I’m right,” I whispered, a smile suddenly appearing on my lips. 

“I’m not arguing your statement, am I?” Spencer replied, a smile growing on his lips. I almost kissed him. At that moment, it felt right. Our sudden sarcastic banter just made me want to kiss him. 

“No, no you’re not,” I laughed lightly as I looked at him. Spencer kept his eyes on me, hugging me harder as he tried to bring me closer to him. But at this point if I was any closer to him, I’d probably be in him. “Can I ask you a question,” I whispered so softly. If it was daylight or any other time of day, with any sound, I wouldn’t be heard. Spencer laughed before reopening his eyes.

“You just did,” he retorted as he looked at me. I rolled my eyes as I readjusted, moving so I was more face to face with him instead of face to chest. 

“I meant a real question, Agent Reid,” I stuck my tongue out at him. The smile that grew on his lips made me feel warm, and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You can always ask me a question, and you don’t even have to ask,” Spencer replied, his smile becoming more genuine than before. I could feel my heart beating as I looked at him. My body felt like it was flooding with a feeling that I’ve never felt towards another person… I just couldn’t put a name to it yet.

“Can I kiss you,” I whispered. It just happened. The words fell from my mouth, like I had no control over my mouth and the words I was saying. And now that the words hung in the air, I was left just staring at Spencer, and my heart in my throat. 

The expression on his face told me he was thinking about it. But the long silence was beginning to make me feel nervous. What if I ruined it all? What if I just ruined my friendship with Spencer all because I wanted to kiss him? It’s just my luck though, I get something so beautiful and so precious, I ruin it, or it gets ruined. But in this case… It was my own fault and doing. 

The next thing I knew, Spencer’s hands were cupping my cheeks, and his lips were against mine. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me with the sudden action. I was a little caught off guard. I guess his prolonged silence just convinced me nothing was going to happen. But I was definitely happy that it did, indeed, happen. And, I definitely enjoyed it. 

His lips were soft, yet somehow slightly chapped. I could feel the moisture on his lips from when he licked them moments ago, and I could taste the tiny bit of wine he had just an hour ago. The warmth of his body made me feel safe as I gravitated closer into his body. My heart pounded in my chest, and I wondered if he could feel it against his. My hands gravitated towards his head, my fingers getting tangled in his hair. 

Spencer hummed as I gently tugged on the hair on the back of his neck. The breath from his nose tickled around my lips and nose. Every movement he made, my body was quick to follow. I just couldn’t get enough of him, and he knew that. 

He was gentle as he moved so he was over me. His arms were wrapped around my torso, holding me close to his body. I knew I wanted to further what was happening, and part of me could sense Spencer did too. I pulled my head away, pressing it into the pillow a little bit so I could look up at him. He returned the look, but a certain fire was in his eyes. 

“Can we,” I stopped myself from talking, worried that I was even more out of line for asking if we could have sex. At least I’m asking. “We don-” I continued, but failed when Spencer pressed his lips to mine. 

“Yeah… Yeah we can,” he muttered before going to take off his shirt.  

{***}{***}{***}

It was honestly better than any type of high I’ve had before. Definitely better than marijuana, or oxycodone, or Dilaudid. I wonder if Spencer thought the same about that. This was probably safer too. You can’t overdose on sex, can you? Damn, I guess if that’s how I go… That’s how I go.

“Hey,” Spencer looked down at me with a small smile. I swallowed roughly before returning the smile to him. He brushed my hair away from my face before holding both my cheeks in his hands.

“Hey,” I returned the smile with a small giggle. Spencer laughed before kissing me again. It was tender and passionate with this kiss, and I wanted to melt into him. His hands were still on my cheeks, holding my face.

“Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you or anything? Did I?” He asked, his tone heavily laced with worry. He moved his nose so it brushed against mine, smushing it to my face. I laughed and shook my head. 

“No, no, Spencer. You didn’t hurt me,” I laughed as I pressed my hands to his chest. “I don’t think you could hurt me… No matter what you do,” I quietly whispered. Spencer looked down at me and smiled.

“I promise I won’t ever hurt you,” he returned in a whisper, "and I won't ever leave you." 

“In all seriousness, though, I didn’t know I had a sex drive like that…” I laughed, watching as Spencer sat up and away from me. “I mean, after all the oxy I’ve taken…” I shrugged, sitting up and wrapping a blanket around my body. Spencer looked over at me with a raised eyebrow as he stood up. 

“Considering it’s been six months, you don’t have it in your system anymore,” he looked at me for a moment before grabbing his boxers and an undershirt. “I’m getting you water, do you want anything else?” He walked around the bed and came to stand beside me. I looked up at him and pushed out my lips, silently asking for a kiss. Spencer smiled before pecking my lips quickly. 

“I’m okay with water,” I watched as he walked away. He nodded before leaving me alone in his room (Again, I would go as far as to say our room. But I don’t exactly live with him… full time). 

  When I finished cleaning myself up in his bathroom, I grabbed one of his shirts and a pair of boxers, and I sat on the center of the bed, waiting for him to return. 

I realized something while I was waiting for him to come back to bed. And it’s something I don’t think I could ever tell him. Because, if I tell him this, I’d probably lose him. I don’t think I could handle losing Spencer.

 I loved him. I loved Spencer Reid and that was probably going to be the thing that killed me.

a different type of high taglist: @shameleswhorehourstm​ , @itsametaphorbriansblog​ , @bxtchboy69​ , @sammypotato67 , @seninjakitey , @thatsonezesty13  , @thebluetint , @honestlystop​ , @herecomesthewriterwitch​ , @mediocrity-atitsfinest​ , @honeyboysteezy​ , @aluna190​

tags that didn’t work: @exilereid  , @mediocrehamiltrash  

(if you want to be a part of the a different type of high tag list, please reply or send me a message!)

[sunatooru]

hope all is swell. thanks for doing these, I dunno about other people, but even though these are fictional it does distract me for a minute or two from my thoughts. I had an emergency request. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do this because I don’t like talking about it. So I guess the scenario being about en ED. I struggle with binge eating/emotional eating. I eat when I feel overwhelmed/ stressed or when I want to numb the feeling. then I get disgusted with myself and end up gagging and want to throw away everything. I end up self loathing afterwards. then sometimes I don’t even eat. (Right now its bc I’m barely working and I’m getting jack shit of an income. so I only eat like two snacks the whole day, sometimes nothing) other times it’s because I want to punish myself for being fat. I’ve lost a little weight and I look dead but I’m fine I guess? I dunno. I have been eating some things when my mom does make dinner because she works so she doesn’t really do dinner much. my comfort characters are lev and suga. sorry for the long explanation. :/

Hi pretty, I’m sorry you go/are going through that and I can also hope that times get better and you feel better xx please never blame yourself feeling overwhelmed and trying to cope. Thank you for reaching out and I’m sending all my love xxx

~

Warning : eating disorder, binge eating, feeling guilty about it, vomiting, body insecurity and breakdowns,

~

Sugawara

You wished you had control. You truly did, you wasn’t even hungry and mentality you knew this but you couldn’t stop yourself from physically lifting your hand to your mouth and pushing the food through your lips. When you finished the last bite you looked at your empty hand and felt horrible. Your stomach, making noises as it digests the food, seems louder than it is and that thought alone has you regretting what you just ate.

You rushed to the bathroom, leaving your boyfriend, who went to grab some water, in confusion. He hears the bathroom door slam and it’s not until he hears gagging that he rushes to you. He knocks. Once, twice and by the third time he can hear you crying and wiggles the door handle as hard as he can.

When the door opens he looks at you with wide concerned eyes.

“Honey..” he starts, coming closer to you as you weakly lay against the sink.

You felt guilty. Guilty that you’ve done it again and guilty that he’s here when it’s happened. You try to apologise, shaking your hands as you let out the words mixed with sobs. He quickly shakes his head, wrapping his arms around you carefully when you reach for him.

“Please, don’t okay baby. Let’s clean you up and lay down after.” He helps you rinse your mouth, moving any hair out the way before he kisses your temple.

He holds you gently when he brings you to your bedroom, sitting you in the edge as he sits on the ground between your legs.

“You know you can tell me anything, my love?” He questions and when you look at his worried features you let it all out.

He listens and cups your hands into his. Pulling them to his lips to kiss every few seconds as you unload your tendency to eat emotionally and the guilt afterwards. He holds either side of you face and brings you into a kiss. His warm breath mixing with yours and he feels you relax a little.

“Thank you for telling me. First of all, you’re beautiful to me no matter what size, height or colour. Second, I know you’re been going through things and I hope you know you can come to me at anytime. Also, maybe we could try some technique to stop the craving? Maybe, whenever you feel like binging, come to me and we can talk or cuddle or whatever?” He smiles at you and it’s hard to fight the twitch in your lips.

“And it’s not your fault, stress makes us do things. So don’t ever blame yourself, please baby.”

He kisses you again and pulls you into a tight hug, his voice getting a little tight as he tells you it’ll be okay. He breaks away and looks at you closely.

“I love you so much, I’ll take good care of you okay?” The genuine look in his eyes makes you hopeful and you pull him back into a hug.

Lev

Life was just getting to you. The lack of income, the lack of control on the current events. It was all just boiling over and so you grabbed what you always did when you became overwhelmed - food. The one constant you could sought out comfort from. The same comfort that after eating you’ll regret and frustrate over. Yet, you couldn’t stop it, the fight against the urge weakening by the second.

Next thing you knew you ate more that you should’ve and stare at your reflection in the mirror. You hands running across your body, arms hugging your stomach as you try to tuck your flesh in. You scorned at yourself, disgust building until you start to tear up. The silence tears running down your face as thoughts run wild.

When you hear the front door close, you wipe your face clean and force a smile to greet your boyfriend.

“Hey baby” he towers over you, kissing the top of your head and wrapping his slender arms around you.

“Look I got your favourite dessert!” He excitedly shows you the container and he narrows his eyes at your wobbling lips.

He brings you over to the sofa, rubbing his hands over your cheek as a tear sheds.

“I ate and I ate and I can’t ....I - can’t...” you choke out, your voice strained from trying to keep yourself together.

His heart hurts as he watches you, pulling you into his chest as he massages your back.

“It’s okay, it’s okay...” he lets you know, holding you tighter as you cry. He lifts your chin up and kisses your tears, giving up small smile when you look at him.

You grab his face and pull him in, his own hand behind your head as your lips meet his.

“It’s not your fault, okay it’s okay. We don’t need to eat it now, we can just stay like this, is that okay?” He rambles a little and you can’t help but yearn for him.

You let him pull you into his as he lays down on the sofa, making sure you’re fully on top of him, letting you know that he wants you as close to him as possible. Letting you know he wants YOU.

When you quietly tell what you were feeling, he’s a little shocked. He lets you know that if you get stressed or overwhelmed again to tell him immediately. He will be there in a rush, he’ll comfort you, distract you and make sure you don’t feel the need to turn to anything else. He reassures you that it’s okay if you end up binge eating but you shouldn’t feel like you shouldn’t eat anything else because he doesn’t want to see you feel like that again.

“I love you, you know that right, baby?” He asks and he relaxes when you nod.

“I love you so much, I’m going to marry you one day.”

[dracos-eternity]

Rainbow After The Storm

Rainbow After The Storm- Henry Bowers

Word Count: 1,080

Summary: Your Henry Bowers girl best friend, the only girl in the entire friend group. Your the bright and bubbly ray of sunshine in this odd group of boys who still isn't afraid to kick someones ass. After Henry gets into a fight with his dad your there to make him feel better. Your gonna seem like a minor hoe bc your affectionate with all the boys but I promise your not. Henry and you have feelings for eachother, but neither knows. 

Warnings: Abuse, both verbally and physically. Mentions of self harm, cursing, and lots of fluff.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N P.O.V.

"Henry, come on! I wanna go home, leave the poor kid alone!" I yell at Henry as him and the rest of the gang corner the new kid. The new kid looks at me as the boys turn around and sends me silent 'thank you.' Henry runs ahead of the boys and lifts me up, wrapping me up in a big hug. I laugh at the boy as he puts me down, the rest of the boys approaching us. Patrick looks at me sending me a warning look that I ignore before jumping on his back. He groans, rolling his eyes at me.

"Hi, Y/N." He huffs out, shifting my legs around his waist so I don't fall.

"Hey there sunshine." I greet the annoying boy, ruffling his hair.

"Y/N, I don't get a hug or anything?" A pout forms across the lips of Belch.

"Nope, not before me." Victor comes up behind me, pulling me off Patrick's back and hugging me. He sets me down and I hug Belch, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Happy now, crybaby?" I ask giggling at the boy. We approach Belch's car and Victor and Patrick crawl into the back, Belch driving and Henry in the front with me in his lap.

"Okay, Queen Bitch-A-Lot, where to?" Belch glances over at me smirking.

"Up your ass, Belch."

"Ew, I'm not into that, sorry." The car erupts in laughter. "No, but seriously Y/N, where are we going?"

"Henry's?" I raise an eyebrow looking at the boys, they all nod but I catch the look that flashes in Henry's eyes. I lean over onto the boys shoulder, whispering in his ear so only he can hear me as I interlace our hands. “What’s wrong bubs?” I bury my face in his neck as I speak.

“My dad, you know how he is Y/N, we got into an argument yesterday.” I use the free hand that was wrapped behind his neck and draped over his shoulders to play with his hair, calming him. 

“I know, Hen, it’ll be okay. I’m here.” His eyes start to gloss over, he gives my hand a small squeeze, something he does often. He looks into my eyes, heat creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks. The butterflies going wild in my stomach. He leans in slowly, agonizingly slow. Our lips never met, the car coming to a stop before they can. I huff out a breath of air stepping out the car. Henry runs off being stupid along with Victor and Patrick, Belch staying behind with me. I lean against the car, shifting into him as Belch throws his arm over my shoulder.

“Y/N, stop hiding how you feel, tell the boy you love him.” I look at him, bewildered.

“What are you talking about?” 

“Y/N, you love Henry, he loves you. Everyone can see it except you two.”

“No. He doesn’t see me as more than a friend and I don’t want to loose him.” 

“Look, Y/N, even that four eyed weird kid-”

“Richie, his name is Richie Tozier and stop bullying him, you know I hate it when you do that.”

“Fine, even Richie Tozier can see it without his glasses and he’s blind Y/N!” I huff at his words before responding. 

“Belch, what if your wrong? What if he doesn’t love me back?” He never gets a chance to respond because we hear Sheriff Bowers voice boom. I run over trying to save the boy.

“You worthless, good for nothin’, son of a bitch!” Sheriff Bowers slams Henry to the wall by his throat. 

“STOP! STOP! STOP!” My pleads come out as broken sobs, Henry and the boys sending me apologetic looks. My cries come to halt as I feel a blow to my face.

“Shut  up, you slut.” I land on the ground, Belch picking me up as I watch Henry hit his dad.

“Don’t fucking touch her! Don’t ever fucking touch her.” He screams, laying blows to his dads face. The boys grab Henry as Belch takes me back to his car. All of us falling back into our previous seating. Henry wipes my tears, trying to calm me. “Sh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” He pulls me close, holding me tightly. I wipe my face as we approach Belch’s house, the Huggins’ are never really home much so we’re alone. Henry picks me up bridal style and carries me in as I hide my face in his neck. He takes me into the bathroom and pulls down a first-aid kit. He cleans the small gash on my face from his dads ring, putting a band-aid over it. I clean of his knuckles and wrap his hand, giving the swollen, bruised and busted knuckles a look of pity.

“I’m sorry, bubs.” I look up at Henry, tears welling in my eyes. He grabs my face in his hands, looking into my eyes. 

“You did nothing wrong, okay?” I nod my head, getting off the counter and grabbing his hand that isn’t wrapped. We walk into the living room to find Belch and Victor passed out on the couches and Patrick in the kitchen. Henry lays on the last empty couch and I curl up next to him. “Hey, Y/N?”

“Yeah?” I look up, our faces inches apart. 

“Can I talk to you, about something serious?” 

“Of course, whats up?”

“I-I think I love you, your so gorgeous and your smart, and funny. Your always there when I need you, your like my rainbow after the storm.” I sit in silence, shocked from his words, guess Belch was right. I take a deep breath, preparing myself to speak.

“I love you to Henry, always have always will.” He leans forward, closing the gap between us. His lips meet mine in a slow, passion filled kiss. The rest of the world fading away. We finally pull apart for air and he leans his forehead against mine, a smile creeping onto his face.

“So, your my girlfriend now? Right?”

“I would love to Henry.” We hear a groan from the kitchen and look up to Patrick pouting.

“So does the mean I can’t check her out anymore.” I giggle at his words before Henry sends him a warning look.

“Do it and I’ll hurt you.” I kiss Henry, cuddling into his side and smiling at the title I’d just earned., Henry Bowers Girlfriend.

[cinnamon-roll-seth]

You Mean The World To Me || JJ Maybank

Request: Can you do a JJ maybank imagine where the reader meets his dad and it doesn't go well bc his dad is a disgusting human being?

Warnings: Swearing, physical fighting, some not very nice words

“Will you relax? It’ll be fine.” You assure JJ as the two of you walk towards his house hand-in-hand.

“You don’t know my dad Y/N.” He sighs and goes back to fidgeting with his fingers. You’d never seen him this nervous and jumpy and it slightly worried you.

“He’s your dad J. I would have to meet him sooner or later. Besides, you’ll be there to protect me if anything goes wrong.”

You and JJ had been dating for almost eight months. He’d met your parents two weeks after you started dating, and they had loved him, but he’d been holding out on taking you to meet his dad. JJ had told you about how horrible of a person his father was and you’d seen the bruises he’d left on multiple occasions.

You didn’t want to meet Luke any more than JJ wanted you too but things between the two of you were going very well and you knew you’d have to meet him eventually. You’d rather get it over with sooner rather than later.

The two of you stopped at the bottom of the steps and you gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, “Ready?”

“Never,” He responds, sighing and pulling you up the steps.

As soon as JJ opens the front door the strong stench of alcohol slaps you in the face and both of your faces screw up in disgust as you step into the destroyed living room.

You look around for any sign of the man you came to meet, not seeing him but hearing commotion coming from the kitchen.

“Dad?” JJ calls as Luke comes stumbling into the room.

“Oh it’s just you.” He mutters in disgust at the sight of his son, “What do you want.”

“I- um. I just wanted you to meet my girlfriend.” He glances at you wearily and you smile reassuringly.

“Girlfriend? No. There’s no way somebody as pretty as her would ever be with somebody like you.” He motions sloppily to you and you look over, seeing the hurt flash across JJ’s face.

“Dad-“

“I’m sorry sir but your son is an amazing person. He makes me feel so happy and safe and loved. I wouldn’t ever dream of being with anybody else. I feel bad for you that you’re so messed up that you miss out on being in JJ’s life and knowing how great he is.” You snap.

You can tell he wasn’t expecting you to to respond and watch as brief shock crosses his features before the grimace returns, “Wow you got a mouthy one son. You know you really should put your whore in her place. If a woman ever talked to my father with that much disrespect she’d be hurting.”

“Don’t fucking talk about her like that. She’s not a fucking object.” JJ growls.

“Are you fucking her? That’s just about the only thing a woman like that is good for.” Luke continues.

JJ snaps, springing forward to punch his father in the jaw. Luke growls and punches back. The two of them start going at it, knocking over everything in their path.

“Stop! JJ stop!” You scream, stepping forward to try to pry your boyfriend off of his father. You wrestle against them for a few moments before Luke’s elbow comes smashing into your nose.

You stagger back, blinking as black spots fill your vision. Immediately you can feel blood started to gush out of your nose as it begins to rapidly spill all over the front of your shirt and the floor.

This only makes JJ more angry as he somehow gets a surge of adrenaline and quickly overpowers the older man. You watch helplessly, holding a hand to your bleeding nose, as you watch him stand over his father, whose now laying on the floor barely fighting back.

“JJ! Please stop!” You plead. Finally he listens and stops punching, standing over Luke while spitting blood at his face.

“Don’t EVER talk about my girl like that ever again you fucking pig.” He hisses before turning and grabbing your arm, gently yet angrily leading you out of the house.

You make it down the steps and a little bit away from the house when you hear Luke yelling from behind you, “When the bitch ends up knocked up don’t you dare come crawling back to me!”

You tighten your hold on JJ’s arm, “JJ ignore him. Let’s just go, okay?”

He clenches his jaw but nods and continues walking. You two don’t talk at all on the way back to your house, it’s a tense silence. Once you are back in your room you push him gently onto your bed and retreat to the bathroom for the first aid kit.

“Sit still,” You warn as you start cleaning up his wounds. He winces every time the alcohol makes contact with his busted skin but obeys your order.

Watching as you begin to open some bandaids JJ reaches out to gently rub some dried blood off of your upper lip, “Does it hurt?” He asks in a whisper.

You shake your head, “Not very much.”

“I’m sorry,” His voice breaks and you can see tears well up in his eyes.

“Hey, hey,” You reply softly, putting a comforting hand on his cheek, “For what my love?”

“Fighting him? Y/N if I hadn’t lost my control back there you wouldn’t have gotten hurt. I promised I wouldn’t let you get hurt.”

“JJ it’s not your fault. He was saying horrible things. I don’t blame you for loosing your temper.” You answer.

“I hate him,” He cries, letting a singular tear escape, “When he said those things about you I just- I couldn’t control myself.”

“Shh, I know baby.” You soothe, pulling him into your chest comfortingly as he cries.

“I love you,” He looks up with red eyes and puffy, tear stained cheeks.

“I love you too J.” You smile.

“No, like I love you.” He emphasizes the word ‘love’, “I love you so damn much Y/N. You mean everything to me.”

You don’t answer, instead leaning down to plant a short kiss on his lips. You pull away and he grins, “Can you do that again?”

You roll your eyes playfully, “After I’m done putting these band aids on you.”

“Minnie Mouse? Seriously?” He whines as you put the bright pink band aid over a small cut on his forearm.

“They’re all we have. Guess you’ll have to deal with it tough guy,” You laugh as he pouts.

“I hope you know I’m only allowing this for your sake.”

“I know.”

[ablednt]

Hey Audit, how can you tell if something is an obession/compulsion? Can you experience that without full-blown OCD? (Tw since I'm going to go into vague detail) I get intrusive thoughts about causing harm to others and I spend a lot of time after getting those thoughts trying to "cancel them out" by thinking something in the "opposite direction" is that makes sense. It can impair my day-to-day activities. Do you have any resources that I could go to so I can better understand my dilemma? /gen

(This is coming from someone who hasn't known about their OCD very long and has yet to really interact with the community a lot so take this with a bucket of salt)

Honestly it's pretty hard to tell? Intrusive thoughts aren't unique to OCD but do they feel like...obsessive? From what I can tell non-OCDers are encouraged to ignore their intrusive thoughts rather than trying to cancel them out so if you can do that somehow (distractions, mindfulness/grounding exercises, etc.) then it's probably not an OCD thing(?) (But that's just a guess don't take my word for it)

How I tell if something is an obsession is if I fixate on it. I actually mistook this for my ADHD for years bc I was thinking "Yeah I have these really horrible hyperfixations I haven't told anyone about and they make me actively miserable and I'd give anything to stop them but I can't" but that was an obsession.

Some of these can last for years (We have one that is a direct result of repressed trauma that has worsened and worsened over the past 13 years or so but I'm not comfortable giving details)

And some can be more momentary. Like the brain recognizes that 1. Racism is very bad actually 2. I am capable of and often times oblivious to it. So this means my brain will spew whatever bullshit I know to be bad already literally any time it can. (This is different from times I'm actually perpetuating it and absolutely not an excuse for that, as this is stuff I know to be bad already. The brain just fixates on anything it can to make me feel like a bad person)

With OCD intrusive thoughts range in intensity but very often are completely unavoidable. If I ignore my intrusive thoughts they just repeat over and over in a loop because my brain is obsessing over it. I've had times where my brain obsessed over the repressed trauma thing and I was like no I don't want to compulse over this it's painful so I turned on a video game to distract myself but my brain just threw these thoughts at me over the game repeatedly until I gave up and compulsed.

Compulsions are things that you do to ease the obsessions (and said obsessions spawn from fears. I'm afraid of hurting innocent people so my brain obsesses on ways I could be bigoted or harmful, my compulsion in this case is two fold with repeatedly correcting each intrusive thought to defend myself like "no that's not right because-" and then to over explain everything I ever say around people I don't know well because if I'm not perfectly clear I'm a bigot actually/s)

Some compulsions are physical

Searching a room every time you enter to make sure it's safe

Checking to make sure doors are locked every time you go near front/back doors.

Looking behind a shower curtain when you go to the bathroom multiple times to make sure no one is in there

Etc.

And some compulsions are emotional or mental

Repeating things (not necessarily in the same words just. Really looping back around and thinking all the same things) mentally in response to intrusive thoughts

Apologizing too much to people

Daydreaming or visualization (MADD and OCD can intersect)

One very specific one is oftentimes if I feel afraid I'll tell someone my fears because the universe likes to prove me wrong so ocd is like haha yes it'll be ok now

Basically a compulsion either pacifies a fear through unrelated means ("im scared I'm a bad person but if I keep washing my hands I'll feel clean") or seeks to embrace it ("if I relive this traumatic memory every day I'll realize I deserved it and then it won't be trauma anymore" as you can see these ones are particularly heinous)

So that's OCD as I understand it. Unfortunately I don't have any resources because I happened to self dx after talking to a close friend with OCD and we've just sort of talked about it. If anyone else knows good OCD coping methods and resources though I'd be thrilled to boost them and also see if I can apply them.

[battle-of-alberta]

Battle of Alberta 2021 Survey Results

It’s time!

Quick Summary:

An average BoAB reader is female, age 19-24, and Canadian. Some of you live in Alberta but a bigger chunk of you don’t, and of those that live in Alberta most of you live in or around Edmonton or one of the other two bigger cities.

Most of you found my blog through IAMP or one of my other blogs, most of you all are here for art, jokes and stories, and most of you enjoyed answered asks, illustrations, and character profiles this year. Generally, people are most anticipating more gag comics, asks, and historical stories for the coming year.

Ed and Cal are deadlocked in a tie for favourite character, and most of you are looking to see more of Mac or the Paranormal Trio of small towns followed by Ed and Cal. 

More specifics and the winner of the Battle of Alberta this year below... thanks for participating :D

Demographics

Consistently the main readership of the blog is female, but for the first time there’s some male readership represented! Howdy, fellas.

The biggest age group represented is what I think of as “undergrad”, which is quite pleasing to me. Either the readership is sticking around as they age or maybe I’m just attracting different readership than before. Either way, welcome everyone!

Most readers identify as Canadian, with the rest evenly split between North Americans and readers from elsewhere in the world.

Of those, most readers identify as Albertan, though they are still evenly matched by those who have never set foot in the province.

Of those who have lived in Alberta, most readers live in Edmonton. This is probably skewed somewhat by my own bias because myself and most of my friends are from Edmonton :’) I try to keep this blog from careening straight into an Edmonton-centric blog, but it pleases me that at least someone is going to get my weird references.

Blog

Most of you found this blog by following my other blogs or via the I Am Matthewian Project, which is also very unsurprising. I’m always baffled by the rest of you, but I attribute that to happy accidents of tumblr’s broken search.

I’m so flattered that most of you follow for the art followed by the jokes and stories, I am going to continue to work hard on improving those things in the coming year :) I am now quite comfortable with the basics of CSP, so this year I am going to start applying a bit more of my own style and trying new things.

I also realize that I do sort of skirt around a lot of the history despite spending so much time studying it, it’s always a struggle to think about how to communicate it but I will be working on that a bit more.

Answered asks were by far your favourite category this year, and I’m happy to say I still have a decent chunk of them to get through. I will also be working a bit more on character timelines because it’ll be helpful for approaching more historical stories.

I guess it’s interesting because while I did start this as an ask blog, I have always been more concerned with my own directions and always worried that I’d be unable to answer asks well enough to entertain anyone, so I��m glad!

I’m also unsurprised that everyone’s thirsty for humour in this Very Trying Time, and even when developing my current part-historical-mostly-current storyline chapter I’m trying my best to incorporate a bit more humour and slapstick for you :) And I do love that meta stuff, it’s just been a challenge to strike a balance between kind of supernatural and also logistical questions.

Characters

I forced you guys to only pick one favourite character. Ed and Cal are deadlocked for first place with a very tight three-way race for second (Red, Lilith, and Mac). Veeeery interesting, I always suspect hometown-loyalty plays a role in this answer but I’m curious to know how you pick a favourite otherwise!

You know what’s funny, I have “favourite character is background character” syndrome myself and yet I’m still completely shocked at the results. I’m happy to say that one of the top results is going to get their wish soon. (Also apologies: I completely forgot to add Eleanor to the answers until halfway through the month)

Of course, I’m also always happy to oblige with more hyper-local stuff about Ed now that I’m back in Edmonton for the first time since before creating this blog.

[But who is Orson... any guesses] [How did you know... that there’s a drawing of him on my fridge, just waiting to star on this blog...]

(and why are yall SO THIRSTY for mac i want to know) (DON’T YOU KNOW HE HAS A STICKY PATCH ON HIS KITCHEN FLOOR HE JUST DOESN’T STEP ON INSTEAD OF CLEANING)

This year the Battle of Alberta was cancelled as the majority of respondents voted for the swarm of norwegian rats at the saskatchewan border to overwhelm the rat patrol and take over the province in order to save us from our completely incompetent leadership (whoever responded “J*son K*nney” for Other, come meet me in the WEM parking lot outside the ghost of Target. I just want to talk.)

Miscellany

( I scrapped the UQuiz question because it was poorly thought out. I’ll just have to make one p: )

Thank you everyone who took a little extra time to write me a note about what you think of the blog, I’m so happy you’re enjoying it and like considering the implications of the “universe” i’ve expanded and created. It’s really inspired me to think more seriously about my mission/vision and approach to creating this stuff now that I’m back home And that we are in worse shit than ever before.

This blog is kind of how I cope, but I have always envisioned it as something to inspire and encourage other people to think positively, to imagine and to create a better future. It’s hard for just me to do on my own, but even if I can just make you guys think twice before writing off this hellhole and moving to BC, it’s an improvement.

Thanks for filling this out, I will take these results to heart as I hibernate on the west coast briefly for Thanksgiving and start to plan the blog’s direction for the coming year.