#so overall my arms just hurt rn

[angelnumber27]

bloodwork couture

[cookinguptales]

man, I don't know if it's like. residual emotional effects from yesterday, the physical toll it took on my body, hormones or just like. a general sense of malaise. but I just kind of want to lie in bed and cry today.

I just finished a work project, which is generally call for celebration, but I just. every time I try to work on a creative project instead, I feel like everything I make is awful. every time I try to just veg and watch something, I feel like I'm wasting my time. my brain is very... scratchy today, for lack of a better word.

idk, maybe I'm just mentally exhausted. I had to put on kind of a brave and friendly face for most of yesterday, but it was a pretty awful experience. the actual migraine(?) was terrifying, especially because the experience wasn't anything like other migraines I've had, the tests were stressful and painful and I'm having quite a few physical effects today because of them. and no matter how often it happens to me, there's something so specifically demoralizing about paying several hundred dollars to go to the hospital and stay there all day just for them to say "good news! we can't find anything wrong!" like that makes you feel any better at all when something clearly is.

idk how I feel so simultaneously over and underwhelmed today.

[heyitslapis]

its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on

Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit

[dizscreams]

Romantic headcanons with lil ol hobie

Absolutely 🫡

Romantic Headcanons with Hobie Brown — ★

I don’t think you guys would go out for dates I think a lot of the time it’s hanging out in each others room

Like he’s strumming his guitar and you’re studying or drawing whatever JUST YES

I think he’d definitely prefer that than taking you out to a fancy restaurant or smth like that

Maybe even movie nights?

Random thought but a little self care night 🤭

Maybe face masks (which he was reluctant to do but you made him anyway), painting each others nails, etc etc

Not really self care but him helping you dye your hair!!! Can’t get that thought out of my head

OMG SHOPPING WITH HIM!! You dragging him shopping and he acts like he doesn’t wanna be there but he actually kinda likes helping you pick out stuff

Don’t even get me started on you making him carry all of your bags or you showing off to him in the dressing room 👀

UGH OMG I HAD A CUTE THOUGHT!! One time he watched you do your makeup and he wanted to learn how to do eye liner

So you taught him one day and he likes doing eye liner every now and again

Maybe you were on his lap and did it for him one day! (He wouldn’t let you do a full face of makeup on him though 😔)

Likes picking out jewelry for your outfits

If you guys are opposites I can see a lot of playful arguments about each others music tastes

He definitely likes at least one song you showed him but wont admit it cause he’s stubborn!

If we’re gonna talk about physical touch I’d say he likes it just definitely not in public

Maybe a hand on your shoulder sometimes but other than that I’m not sure

In private though he’s always leaning his head on your shoulder or putting his head on yours

Likes to tease and make fun of you

Jokingly ofc he’d never let it go too far

He issss in a band so ofc you’re going to almost every performance of his

Veryyy protective when it comes to his job and you

Doesn’t like letting you come to fights with him or trying to help cause he’s terrified you’re going to get hurt

If you’re also a spider person you guys make a rlly good duo

He’s just a really laid back guy in general so he doesn’t raise his voice at you

Maybe on accident a few times but he always apologizes ofc

He’s respectful 🫡

OMG RANDOM BUT NAPPING TOGETHER

WHEWWW imagine you both got done with a fight and you just need to rest so you take a nap together! Or if you’re not a spider person then you both had a hard day and wanted to take a nap together

I don’t think he gets jealous thaaat easily. Like someone would have to be THROWING themselves at you and he’ll step in.

He wouldn’t be starting fights or drama honestly I think he’d just wrap an arm around your waist and walk away with you

I think he’ll go on random tangents about stuff he’s interested in or even abt stuff he doesn’t like 😭

You’re just listening to him like “yeah totally” because he’s talking so fast

He’s proud of your guy’s relationship and he’s caught himself talking about you a lot to his friends

He tries to shut up before they say anything but they’re already teasing him

BUT ID SAY OVERALL he’s just a really chill dude who likes spending time with his partner :)

All I can think of rn so I hope you enjoyed! and ty for all the requests I’ll be working on them all day <3 🫡

[neuvistar]

HONKAI STAR RAIL MEN AS FATHERS! pt two.

— featuring ┊luocha, welt, sampo koski x fem!reader (all separate)

— warnings / content warnings ┊hsr men as fathers pt 2 !! mostly fluff, not proofread, mentions of pregnancy i think?? i forgot, them being absolute sweethearts, DILFS DILFS DILFS! overall just fluff | pt one here. (jing yuan, blade, dan heng, gepard) pt three. (aventurine, dr ratio, argenti, sunday, boothill, gallagher)

— a/n ┊PART TWO OF THE HSR PAPAS!!! luocha n jing yuan prettiest dilfs i’ve ever seen foreal no one can convince me otherwise!

best papa #1 luocha

— LUOCHA would be a loving doting father, i feel like he’d have two boys and one girl (jesus christ) and his two boys would look exactly like him, long blonde hair n same features aaahh ALSO HIS LITTLE PRINCESS WOULD HAVE HER DADDY’S EYES IM CALLIN IT RN! in conclusion his kids would look majestic just like their papa ! when he had his first child he probably shed a tear or two, holding him carefully in his arms :(( he’s a natural dad like jing yuan, it’s like he immediately knew what to do and was a natural at everything! by the time his third child was born he got the hang of taking care of his kids <33

— LUOCHA who’s children got injuries sm as kids n he was always there to aid them <3 during games he would participate in, there would probably be a time where one of them got hurt ATLEAST once, like his son falling over one time n luocha hastily walking over to him and picking him up from the ground + he’s the type to kiss their booboos once he helped disinfect it, putting a bandaid wherever they got injured and kiss it better :(( his children r so lucky to have a father who has good medical skills foreals crying emoji + it’s not only for this, he’s always willing to nurse them back to health!

“does that feel better?”

“m—mhm..” his son nodded, wrapping his small arms around him, sobbing quietly against his neck

“there there, no need to cry my angel. daddy already kissed your boo-boo, you’ll be alright.”

— LUOCHA who would take such good care of his children whenever they were sick, he was a natural at this due to his awesome amazing medical skills! he knew exactly what to do and what to give them, he’s such a caring father it’s insane it’s fun cuz y’all don’t even have 2 go to the doctor to check what’s wrong with your kids, luocha would know what’s going on! a fever? a cold? he knows! and he’s always nursing them back to health like i said !

— LUOCHA who would teach his children about medicine, i feel like all three of his children would have different dreams they wanted to pursue but i feel like his daughter would be interested in medicine just like he is, he found it adorable how she would play with her dolls and pretend to be their doctor, it’s so adorable to see his kids pursuing different dreams and him supporting every single one of them, he’s so chill hearts emoji

— LUOCHA would try his best to be there for his kids. because he’s a merchant, he tries his best not to be absent and wants to be there in their lives :(( he wants to see his kids grow up, y’know??? he loves them sm, and he loves YOUUU <3 i bet he takes his kids out from time to time so he could make new memories with them they could carry with them for the rest of their lives, he knows life is short, yes. that’s why he’s trying to live his life to the fullest with his family, he knows one day he won’t always be there to scoop them back up from the ground to aid their injuries :((

best papa #2 welt

— WELT would be a great father, he’s a lil strict on some ends but he’s not SEVERELY strict, i think he’ll have two sons (maybe a daughter too who knows) he made a promise to himself he’ll protect his two kids until the end of time :(( his sons would have their daddy’s eyes, and some features of him too! but they mostly look like their mommy sososweet

“look, they have daddy’s eyes.”

“do they?”

“mhmmm.. look at him, he looks just like you”

(his heart is slowly starting to melt as u speak)

— WELT who would give one of the best hugs, i feel like he’s that type of dad who’s serious like half of the time but whenever he’s with his family or spending time with his sons, he’s always willing 2 show a smile or two, but back onto it! he gives the best hugs, his favourite thing to do is hug his sons and kiss the temple of their foreheads before he goes out, he may be serious and a lil strict.. but he loves his sons just as much as he loves anything else, behind that strictness he rlly does love a good hug from his sons

— WELT who would bring his wife and kids along to the astral express, it’s so cute bc imagine seeing two pudgy wudgy little babies crawling around, i bet himeko would unofficially be their godmother too LMFAO <33 when they grow into toddlers, his sons would love bothering him at work, climbing on his leg and climbing on his desk, he doesn’t mind it it’s acc so surprising how he manages to keep a straight face! and when he wants to calm them down, he just sets both of them on his lap

“settle down. let papa finish this, okay?” he would pick them up, his sons giggling as they help him work along the way (😭😭😭)

— WELT who works at the astral express a lot so he doesn’t see his kids much :(( but he always comes home to you and them with gifts and souvenirs from other worlds! his kids would always run to him and hug his leg, welt scooping them up with a smile on his face ;; AAAA SO SO SO CUTE!

“papa! papa papaaaa!”

“did you miss me?” the two boys ran to their dad, hugging his leg as welt picked them up from the floor squeezing them into a hug “i got a few things for you both.”

“what is it what is it?!”

“i want to see, papa!”

“alright alright, settle down now. it’s a surprise, you’ll have to behave and guess first.”

— WELT who would give his sons advice on how to be better people, his advice is always so firm and straightforward.. he wants them to be gentlemen, he wants them to be the best they can be! he would teach them exactly how 2 be gentlemen, he would raise his sons to be one of the most respectful and kindest ppl ever <33 when they mature and shape into those kind of ppl one day, sometimes he looks back to when he was still able to carry them around like it was nothing :(( he knows his children r growing up and deep down inside he doesn’t want them to, he truly does love and cherish his sons, he’s so glad he was able to shape his sons into good ppl just like he wanted <33

best papa #3 sampo

— SAMPO is one of the most fun and uplifting dads out of everyone, i’m calling it rn he’s a girl dad n has a daughter, i’m calling that rn! he’s such a fun dad to have, like having him as a dad means everyday is never boring, he always makes everything fun! (u cant tell me that he doesn’t love making dad jokes during dinner in the dinner table, he absolutely loves making them it’s so funny)

— SAMPO who would let his daughter do anything with him, oh she wants to play dress up? he’s putting on a dress that can barely fit him rn! she wants to have tea with her plushies? he’s already setting up the tables, she wants to put makeup on his face and nail polish on his nails? he’ll let her! he’s such a fun girl dad, always willing 2 do what his daughter wants to do :((

“stay still, daddy! i’ll mess up if you keep moving around!” his daughter would pout, holding her mommy’s makeup in her tiny little hands

“sorry princess, the brush is ticklish. gotta’ be more gentle with me, yeah? you’re grabbin’ and brushin’ at my face too roughly” he chuckled, patting her back

“sorry daddy, i just want to make you look pretty! now, still please!” she’s so sassy just like he is, but he loves her sm!

— SAMPO would be such a dumbass. first things first, he has this issue with losing his daughter from time to time at amusement parks or places in general, always finding her crying alone and having to scoop her up in his arms apologizing and showering her with kissies + second he can’t even help her with her homework from school because he “doesn’t remember doing this” he would be complaining more than her! skull emoji it would always be HER teaching him instead of HIM teaching her LMFAOO

“why’re there s’many numbers here, angel?! this is what you learn everyday?”

“do you seriously not know how to do this?” you raised a brow.

“ you can’t blame me! i ain’t ever got good grades, can’t even remember how to calculate nine times ten!”

“you’re lying.”

“.. yeah i am. but there’s so much numbers, babe! look! this is what our princess has to deal with!”

— SAMPO who would show off his daughter to everyone, bragging about her accomplishments and bragging about how lucky he is to be her father, he’s so stupid it’s hilarious he absolutely loves his little princess sm !! he never shuts up abt how much he loves her and how proud he is w how far she’s come in life, he’s just thankful to have a family that’s all :(( he’s such a sweetheart he’s always so proud and supportive hashtag girl dad

— SAMPO who probably has social media accounts dedicated to his whole family, his wife and his little angel <33 he would absolutely love posting pictures of his family all together + his family in general, his phone would be filled with videos of his daughter from loooong ago, showing her the video and teasing her about it! he almost never deletes pictures of his daughter and you from his phone, he cherishes his family sm n it absolutely shows, always vlogging from time to time n documenting his life w you and his princess <33 HES SO ADORABLE IT HURTS MY HEART ALMOST

[anxious-witch]

Okay, okay, fine I am doing analysis of Damon Baker's photoshoots 😂

That said, since a lot of people already analyzed Kris' and since Bojan's has less picture, I am gonna start with his. Also obviously, this is totally subjective, I am not claiming this is one true or absolutely correct analysis, just my thoughts on it.

Under the cut bc this will deff get long

So I cropped the pictures so I can analyze them separately

To start off with these two, because I think they were put like this bery purposefully. On the left, we have Bojan with his arms crossed, his expression is, the reminiscent of "The Fallen Angel" by Alexandre Cabanel (I apologize, someone else already did a comparison but I can't find it rn, feel free to tell me in the replies and I'll tag you). Bojan looks almost angry, his crossed over arms showing he is closed off and the spikes on his biceps emphasizes that. It literally feels like a warning sign. His eyes are downcast, as if he is looking down on something or someone. He is something to look at, but not touch, if you don't want to get hurt.

Then we have a smaller pictures right next to his one, that's almost exact opposite. It feels like we caught him in a momen where he was not meant to be seen. His face look tortured, like he just cried or is about to cry. His hair is messy in a way that doesn't feel like it was on purpose, but rather as if he messed it up during his inner turmoil. There is also a cigarette, which implies he is taking it to calm himself. His eyes are pointed upwards, as if he is seeking guidance from someone above him.

I feel like, for me, from storytelling perspective, these two pictures put together like this hint at Bojan's struggle with anxiety.

He is trying to appear tough and untouchable, the way he feels he has to be, but he is struggling internally. This is overall theme of the shoot, I think.

Next we have this shot of his outfit. My first thought when I saw this was "this looks oddly rugged for Bojan". And I do stand by it. The shirt is half undone, half tucked into his pants, but half outside in the back. Like he got dressed in a hurry. Like he doesn't care or perhaps doesn't have the energy to care about how he is appearing. And then, tbe belt buckle with a broken heart. I think, that's the core element in this particular picture. Especially in comparison to Kris' heart necklace. Despite the rugged clothes, there is something fragile underneath all that. His heart.

Then we have this one. And it's such a stark contrast than the previous three, I was genuinely shook. In this one, Bojan is openly vulnerable towards the camera, towards the viewer. Not looking up or down, but directly to the camera. Also the detail that @theraggedygirl11 pointed out about him wearing Damon's "safe sweater" broke me. It's almost as if he is saying, "look, this is how I am when I am allowed to be safe. This is how I am when I am not suffering".

What a contrast to the above outfit! The open shirt only poised as fake vulnerability, when a truly vulnerable Bojan isn't showing off his skin at all here, but rather his face. His emotions, all on display.

Another thing that strikes me as amazing in this particular picture (can you tell this one is my favorite?) is that his pose looks comfortable and his hair falls gently to the side, freely showing off his gray hairs, that are especially visible in black and white.

Then at last, we come to these three, all in color. Unlike Kris, who had water, Bojan has fire as his "element" in this photoshoot. Fire is passion, light, warmth. It entices you, and it's much more noticable at first. But it can also burn you. There is also a reason why we say we "burn out" as well. Bojan holding a literally lit match in his mouth is such an amazing imagery.

We all know that magic trick of a man extinguishing a match in his mouth, for the entertainment of all. Putting himself in a very vulnerable position. Lips, mouth and tongue are so soft, especially compared to fire that burns. And is that not in a way, exactly what Bojan does? He pours out his heart while he sings, leaving it to the crowd to decide if they are entertained with his preformance. And surez ither do it too, but I think we can agree he is the most on display.

The way he is looking at the camera first, as if waiting for a reaction, and then as the fire gets closer, his eyes close too, as if he is too scared to look.

Just....augh, I love the way Damon Baker showcased his personality through these and how he expressed so much through just a few pictures. Also, please feel free to add your own thoughts, I love hear other ppl's opinions on things like these

[bunnypeew]

I’m here for you - Lucifer x gn!reader

okay soooo,, today i’m having a bit of anxiety so,, i’m writing this rn to calm myself down since i have no one who can help me at the moment but oh do i yearn for someone

CW: mention of self harm briefly

It was midnight, almost 1am actually and they were sitting at their desk writing. They were alone, Lucifer was busy that night so he slept elsewhere, this usually didn’t bother them, they didn’t mind being alone but when they felt actually lonely is when they started worrying for themself. They had taken their anxiety meds hours ago now but still felt that deep pain in their chest like little needles stabbing their poor little heart, they slowly closed their laptop and got out the chair to go lay down in theirs and Lucifer’s bed trying somehow to soothe themself, hugging a pillow even, something to make them fall asleep but every attempt failed miserably. They got up again went to the window, looked outside at the street lights and the somehow pretty lively Pentagram city far away from the Hotel, they wondered what Lucifer was doing, even thinking of calling him but they knew he was most probably asleep at this hour. Their anxiety was starting to grow by the second, they moved from the window and went to sit on their bed, their hands were aching to pick up the phone and call him but their body refused to move even an inch. They started shaking and crying all of a sudden, rocking back and forth, they were thinking about Lucifer, about how could a royal love a stupid human sinner like them, it was not fair on him after he loved the first human ever, like that is such an honour!

They started picking at their hair, pulling, scratching and hurting themself overall, they couldn’t help it most of the time since it was an impulse of their anxiety, they knew it was wrong but they just couldn’t help it. This went on for a couple of minutes until they opened their eyes to see a sparkly golden portal appear near their bed all of sudden, It was Lucifer. He was planning to surprise them in the morning with breakfast in bed but things weren’t going to plan.

As soon as he completely appeared out the portal, they jumped on him, shaking from how much they were sobbing. This caught Lucifer completely out of guard, hugging them right away, kneeling to the floor to hold them ever so gently.

“my love what happened? why are shaking and crying..,,

they weren’t able to speak, their voice interrupted by hiccups and short breaths, Lucifer understood this and didn’t try to make them speak again instead he starting stroking their back. They were in the crook of his neck, wetting his beautiful suit with their stupid tears, arms pressed to his chest in a soothing position for them

“come on baby, slow deep breaths, with me okay?,,

he starting taking this deep breaths for them to mimic and that they did, slowly but surely they calmed down, tears still rolling from their beautiful big eyes, Lucifer went to wipe them away gently, holding them by their chin so they would look at him, he sighed and smiled

“You're okay, You're alright. I'll never, ever leave your side. I will stay and I will fight. With you,,

he started singing ever so softly, stroking their hair and looking them in the eyes, still wiping away those nasty tears from their soft cheeks. They calmed down fully now, cracking a little smile at him, this made Lucifer smile widely

“there you go! that’s what should always be on your face, my love,,

his sentence made them giggle and hug him again he hugged back

“you ready to tell me what happened?,,

they push back and look away for a second, then turn their head toward him and nod their head. They slowly started explain to him what went through their head in those hours they were alone, this made Lucifer very sad, to think that a soul as beautiful as theirs would think so low about themself. When they saw Lucifer’s expression change, they felt incredibly guilty and were ready to cry once again but he stopped them by kissing them on the lips ever so gently, both hands around their face as to hold them.

“why would you ever think that about yourself hun? I love you for you, who cares if you’re a sinner or a human. You are you, ne that’s all that matters to me okay?,,

they nod frantically them press their lips against his again with a love filled heart. Lucifer picked them up and put them in their bed.

“now sleep my darling, I have something for you in the morning and don’t worry, i’m here for you.,,

WOW EMM I WAS REALLY SAD WHEN I WROTE THIS LAST NIGHT BUT NOW I FEEL BETTER!!!! but i never stop loving Lucifer ofc ofc hope you enjoyed!!

[dearhargrove]

Please more billy fluff🙏

Neck pain

summary your neck has been aching recently so Billy decides to come over and take of you &lt;3

tags Billy being sweet (maybe ooc?), fluff!!

word count

a/n gonna be honest chose this cuz my neck is fucking me up rn!!! Cannot move my head to the side without my entire back hurting it’s so annoying :( if anyone knows something I can do to get better pls tell me 😭 whatever so this is purely self insert 🙏🏻

masterlist | navigation

You don’t know how or why but recently your neck and partly back have been killing you. The pain comes and goes but moving your head to the side makes you pull a face in discomfort and overall avoid looking to the side. 

Obviously your boyfriend had noticed. He’d started noticing something was off when you didn’t randomly look at him during class and sat out of P.E. 

He made it his mission to figure out, expecting something deep that you were too scared to tell him. 

So he was almost.. disappointed when he sees you pressing a hand to your neck and shoulder, desperately trying to relieve the pain with pressure. 

He first realizes in math class, you’re not leaning your head on your hand and gaze out of the window or smile at him as usual. Instead both your hands are gripping and pressing at the base of the back of your neck, fingers pressing deep enough to leave white indents. 

He doesn’t ask you about it until after school, as he’s gotten you in a lot of trouble for talking during class already (how could you blame him? He has most classes without you so when he does have some with you he’s gonna use it to his advantage!).

He drives you home and instead of driving further to go home himself he parks the car, grabs both of your bags and opens your door for you. 

“C’mon, princess,” he says and leans against the car door as you blink at him in surprise. “You’re coming inside?” He nods and closes the door after you’d gotten out, free hand coming to rest on your hip as you two walk to your front door. 

Your mom wasn’t home and wouldn’t be until much later, so whatever he had in mind for today you’d be more than fine with it. 

However the last thing you would’ve expected when he’s splayed out on your desk chair, legs spread and dark eyes watching you move around your room is confrontation. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

His voice sounds offended and he looks the part, too: eyebrows furrowed and arms now crossed over his chest with the beginning of a pout on his lips - he would forever deny having picked up this habit of yours. He did not pout. 

“Didn’t tell you what?” You ask in confusion and keep changing out of your jeans into pajama pants. “What’s been bothering you,” he elaborates. You still don’t know what he’s trying to do so you sigh and stem your hand on your hips, “Billy, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Don’t start giving me riddles now.”

He huffs and drops his arms onto his thighs, “Your neck pain. Or back pain. Or whatever it is.” He explains and you cock your head out of habit just to hiss in pain at the movement. He raises both eyebrows in an ‘I told you so’ way but relents and gets up. 

He stands behind you and glides his hands up your back until they’re resting on your shoulders. “Love, I’m here to take care of you. But you gotta tell me,” he mumbles and kisses along your neck and behind your ear. 

You want to turn your head and kiss him but, well, you can’t really. 

“‘M sorry. Thought it would go away,” you explain yourself. He nods and then moves back a bit, just to start massaging your shoulders. His thumbs press on each side of your spine and you can’t contain a grunt of relief. 

“My goodness, that feels amazing…” your comment strokes his ego and you know he’s gonna be bragging about it for enough time simply to annoy you, but more over he’s glad to be of help. 

“Come on, baby. Go lay down and I’ll take care of you,” he instructs gently and guides you to lay on your stomach before continuing. 

Next time he’d be the first one to know about any type of pain you were having…

[webslingingslasher]

Feelin sad rn could use some Peter cuddles. Not frat Peter. Not nerdy Peter. Just plain old Peter Parker.

sometimes you just need a hug ❤️

a deep ache settled in your chest, you couldn't place what it was. just an overall feeling of discomfort. it lugged at you all day, and you kept a brave face.

you didn't want to be the reason for someones bad mood, you didn't want to share your angst. you even felt so miserable you pretended to be asleep when peter got home.

laying in bed, it started to fester, you could feel the need to scream, or cry, or fight. that might be why you wanted to stay away from your boyfriend, you were scared you'd take it out on him.

misery loves company.

it felt like you were itching, only one thing could cure you right now. making a quiet escape from the bedroom, you sneak up on peter. he's at his most domestic, singing under his breath to a song softly playing, chopping vegetables with a pan heating on the stove.

he's taking care of you.

he tenses in your hold, just for a second. your arms wrapping tight around his front catching him off guard, you lent into his back and deflated with a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"good afternoon, sleeping beauty," you kiss the center of his back and press into him further, your words muffled. "i wasn't sleeping." peter gasps, "faker."

humming, you get even closer him. you tug, it makes him stumble back into you. "you alright back there?" because, while you're usually demanding with his touch, you're not often desperate.

"i don't wanna fight with you."

"well," peter chops up a carrot, "i don't want you to fight with me either."

"so i'm not going to."

an onion this time, "i'm loving our communication skills."

"but i feel like it, cause i need a hug."

your boyfriend slowly pulls your arms away from him, just far enough to turn around. peter cups your face and leans in, expecting a kiss you lift your head a little, but he barely skims your forehead instead.

a grumpy pout made him laugh, "give me a second, i'm trying not to burn the place down."

it's a lonely twenty seconds, then overwhelming warmth when you're tucked into a sturdy chest. a magnitude of negativity disappeared, everything you felt build throughout the day melted.

utter peace and comfort, no time or pain existed outside these arms. when you're in peter's hold, nothing can hurt you. not even your own mind.

"my girl doing okay?"

"i still wanna fight you."

you wheeze when peter squeezes you in, it's gladly welcomed.

"if i never let you go you can't fight me."

good, you weren't planning on leaving any time soon.



[divinelolita]

i thought of this shi in class so why not give it to u

ngl u be needin more kaulitz twin stuff they be so cute💀 any type of fic bro i do not careeeeeee headcannons or fic u choose cuz im too lazy too🥰

ANYWAY

ahem

kaulitz twins bro who got a bf who is jus mean asf💀 like he's always mad n shi like there is no 'soft spot' for them tf he'll cuss them mfs out too just cause they started dating aint mean SHIT🙅🏾🙅🏾🙅🏾 he will back hand them no hesitation(too far but he still gon push em or smth)

but another thing i thought of is if he realized he actually hurt they feelings bro maybe at the same time or separate idk(bill or tom didnt say anything or show it but you could see) and since he doesn't know how to say sorry bro decided to be nice and fucking sweet🤷🏾 jus for a lil while tho🧍🏾making them food waking them up(IN A NICE WAY) giving them hugs letting them hug him(bro prolly hit them if they tried to hug him before) kiss them n shi doing cute couple stuff bro the basics he does not follow😪🤞🏾

a thought jus crossed me tom thinkin his bf fuckin broke like r u good🤨🤨🤨

KAULITZ TWINS X MEAN READER

doing seperate cuz i CANNOT write rn idek brah m gonna quit or smthhh 😭😭😭

BILL:

・I feel like he loves affection so much 🙁🙁

・He understands boundaries, he makes sure not to cross them

・BUT DEAR GOD HE JUS WANTS TO HOLD YOUUUUUU

・Pouts a little when you swat his hand away but overall tries not to make a big deal 'outta it

"don't hug me brah."

"....my bad."

・His love language has to do with more physical touch so it PAINS the mf but like 🤷🏻🤷🏻

・Sometimes the things you would say to him stung, but he knows that's just how you are and you don't mean to intentionally hurt him...or he hopes so.

・It gets to the point when he's blinking back tears, shrugging his shoulders and looking anywhere but you

・nahhh tbh he probably thinks he's dreaming when you start being nice

・like if YOU stretch out your arms for a hug? he's running to you and laughing omll

・If you only do this for a few days he takes ADVANTAGE of it.

・bro does not leave your side...like at all.

TOM:

・not that big on physical affection himself, he likes it but can definitely go without it

・Although it sucks he can't occasionally hug you or pull you to his side, often daydreams of holding you like that even though you're already together 🙁

・Doesn't know how to feel if you push his hand away, swat him on the arm, etc

・Like...bro's kinda sad but he knows you love him...hopefully. 💀

・Randomally slugging him in the arm? ohh shit he's mad

・DOESN'T REALLY LIKE YELL BUT OH MY LORDDD

"m/n what the fuck."

"wha'd i do?"

・He doesn't really care if you say something rude or snarky, words don't really get to him

・But damnn bro's getting cussed out and all he wanted to do was hold your hand while walking 😭😭😭

・EEEE MAKING HIM BREAKFAST IN BED? bro thinks your playing a trick on him tbh

"here, tom." and then it's just a plate full of fucking eggs, bacon, pancakes, etc.

・he thinks you're acting strange but bro gobbles that shit DOWNNN

[lovelykil]

─Headcanons─

kyle x reader older ver.

hc; reader who cries during sex

cw; slight? nsfw

note; (based off the request) okay doing kyle bc he's my bby girl ⤵

bro is so WORRIED and panicking

his immediate reaction is to stop and check on you to see of you're okay

"Y/n are you okay?? Does it hurt that bad? I mean we can just stop of you're uncomfortable, I-"

"no no I'm okay-! I'm just nervous.. We're literally about to do it and I'm crying on the spot oh my god this is embarrassing." 🤕

He thinks he's HURT you or something but it's just your nerves acting up

Like this one time

You actually suggested wanting to 'make love' the fancy way he likes you to put it instead of sex, cause it just sounds vulgar and eww

anyway he was on the couch on his phone, parents weren't home and you were hungry for him

not literally

but dick

you get?

you understand what

yeah, okay moving on

You crawled over to him on the couch and nudged his arm, getting his attention.

"hm?"

"hey."

"hi."

"you look like you need your dick sucked rn"

"🧍"

2 minutes later after convincing the ginger and teasing he finally gave in with a flush.

"here on the couch?"

"shi, I didn't know you was a freak like that."

"NO IM ASKING"

"ohh sure" 💁🏾‍♀️

He's sitting on the couch with his hands pinned to the sides of him, hesitantly watching you carefully pull the strings to his sweats. On your knees upon him, though you would stop mid-way as the tie just started to get loose.

Breaking into a cold sweat and swallowing hard.

Kyle looked at you confused and worried something might've been wrong.

"Y/n are you okay?" He asked.

You stared down at the tie starting to attempt to untie it again but very much struggling to do so as you sniffled to yourself.

Why the fuck was this tie so hard to UNTIE all of a sudden your fingers couldn't just do the simple task of untying something 💔💔

Tears swelled your eyes, your cheeks burning up overall body temp burning up. You felt like you were gonna lose it

BECAUSE OF A TIE??

well no

not really

you're soo nervous..

😭😭

why be confident then all of a sudden turn into a big pussy 😒

I'm jk but fr

Kyle kept staring trying to come up with something to say but you looked up at him slowly, a tear rolling down your cheek.

"Holy shit Y/n, baby are you oka-"

"I wanted to suck your dick but I'm too nervous now.." 😕☹️

Kyle blinks, he's obviously so confused but can't help but giggle at your mood switch. He brings his hand to his mouth to cover up the little laugh.

"awe y/n- you don't have to do it if you don't wanna.. come here baby.." He reassured in a caring tone, grabbing your hand.

He brings you onto the couch with him to hug as you weeped

You held onto him as he cuddled you, rubbing your back to soothe you but still you could just tell he was holding back from laughing further.

"I know you're laughing.."

"what? no!"

it's silent for a second before he snickers. You groan leaning off of him.

"Okay okay! I'm sorry its JUST THAT-"

"omg you're an ass.." you sniffled, wiping away tears from your embarrassed face.

He brings you back toward him to hug you tight, trying to show you he cares.

not like he just laughed in your face

noo

I'm jk he would never (maybe) okay it depends but

He lays a kiss on your head, wiping away the final tears off your face.

"It's okay to be nervous I get it."

"Yeah I know."

"..what's that supposed to mean"

"mm.. nothing anyway.."

Kyle's also nervous asf when it's comes to

SEX

I mean

"making love" 🤓☝🏾

yall fr best match

but he doesn't cry during it 😭 unless you're giving him like heavenly top

Then okay I guess he'd have some tears in his eyes

I'm going off topic UHHH 🤳🏽

there was another time where yall was just fooling around you know 😚💁🏾‍♀️

then things lead to another and WOAH he's rubbing his member against your lips (other one )

You start to feel that sinking feeling in your stomach almost like you were going to throw up, I mean you were totally ready for him to ruin your insides omfg nothing more you wanted right now but

OH WOW

your nerves.

just as when he was about to put it in he saw a tear roll down your face, avoiding his contact.

He quickly felt so disgusted with himself, was he hurting you? What if you didn't want this? Maybe he took it the wrong way.

he's so careful and cautious yet so frantic as he asks what's wrong while his hands go to cuff your face softly.

"Yes what? No I'm okay I'm just like anxious.. I'm sorry I didn't mean to stress you out."

poor baby thinks he's making you uncomfortable

[sodoshame]

Deliver Me Into My Fate

⚠️ Warnings: Self-harm, arguments, overall angst.

Pairing: Phantom/Rain, Phantom/Mountain, Mountain/Rain

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst.

A/N: Includes Poly!ghouls, Ghouls are not human (Have horns/tails, purr and growl.)

Summary:

Sodo really needs to learn to think before he speaks.

_

“Back off Phantom, just stop, okay?”

As Sodo spoke, the aggression was clear; venom was practically dripping from every word. His tail was flicking wildly behind him as he spoke. Phantom looked at him, his shoulders drooping slightly, as well as his tail.

“What do yo-”

“You know what I mean. You are nothing like Aether, and you never will be. You are fucking useless.”

Sodo’s insults cut right through Phantom, leaving him trembling. Sodo spat in his direction and stormed off, radiating heat.

Hot tears were stinging Phantom’s eyes, beginning to run down his cheeks. He choked down a sob, violently wiping at his eyes as he walked down the hallway. He ran into a bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind himself. Slowly sliding his back down the wall, he began fully sobbing, bringing his head to his knees.

Fucking Useless.

The words ran through Phantom’s brain on repeat; it wasn’t the first time he’d heard them and he doubted it would be the last. He shakily pulled his sleeve up, staring at the scars up his arm. He’d managed to stay clean for a whole month- the longest he’d managed so far.

Fucking Useless.

As the words echoed through his head, he pulled out a small lock-knife from his pocket, flicking it open. Tears were blurring his vision as he slowly put the knife to his skin, watching as the blood started to appear. Phantom’s tears dripped down to his arm, mixing with his blood. He was completely sobbing now, his shoulders shaking violently.

Knock knock.

“Phantom? Is that you in there?”

It was Rain.

Phantom panicked, eyes darting round the room.

“Y-yeah?” Phantom’s voice came out shaky, cracking slightly as he spoke; not at all like he wanted it to.

Rain’s voice grew more concerned as he knocked again.

“What’s wrong? Let me in, Phantom.”

Phantom frantically scrambled around, rolling his sleeve up and pocketing his knife. He wiped at his face in attempt to stop himself from crying.

“Uh- I-I’m fine, Rain.” His voice cracked on the last word as he let out a loud sob, doing his best to stifle it.

“I’m coming in.”

Phantom looked at the floor, noticing drops of blood on the floor. He quickly tried to wipe it away, but only smeared it more. It was too late; Rain was stood in the doorway, looking down at Phantom as he was sat on the floor, sobbing. His eyes flicked to the smeared blood on the floor and then Phantom’s blood-soaked sleeve.

“Phantom? Oh, honey…” Rain whispered, as he dropped to his knees in front of Phantom. He wrapped his arms around Phantom’s shoulders, pulling him close in a tight embrace. Phantom fell into Rain, burying his face in his chest. Phantom sobbed into Rain’s chest, his hands clinging on to his shirt.

“S-Sodo.. He…”

As he struggled to find the words, Rain put his hand up to Phantom’s head, gently running his hand through his hair.

“Shh, you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

Phantom nuzzled his face into Rain’s neck, his tears soaking through his shirt.

“Phantom, sweetheart, I need to look at your arm.” Rain said, his voice as sweet as can be.

Phantom shook his head, whining quietly as he continued crying. Rain sighed, rubbing his back soothingly.

“What if I get Mountain? He can check it over whilst I’ll keep holding you?”

Phantom shrugged, not saying anything in response. Rain sighed, then took his hand from Phantom’s hair and reached for his phone in his pocket to text Mountain.

Rain:

Mount, can you come to second floor bathroom? It’s Phantom.

Mountain:

Yep, on my way rn.

It only took a matter of minutes for Mountain to appear in the doorway, the tall ghoul looked down at the two huddled together on the floor.

“What happened?” He asked, bending down to be at the same level as he put his hand on Phantoms shoulder, rubbing it soothingly.

“I don’t know, he won’t talk. Can you just look at his arm? He’s bleeding and I don’t know w-what to do-” Rain rambled, clearly slightly panicked.

“Take a breath, Rain. We’ll figure it out, okay?” Mountain responded calmly as he sat down cross-legged on the floor, reaching his hand out to Phantom.

“Hey, let me take a look, Phantom. I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” Mountain soothed, slowly picking up his arm.

Phantom whimpered into Rain’s neck, who was still running his hand through his hair.

Once Phantom’s arm was taken care of, Mountain stood up, slowly taking him from Rain’s lap and picking him up into his arms. Rain stood up, looking at the two.

“I’m going to find Sodo, I’ll find out what happened.” Rain said, his voice seemingly void of emotion.

Mountain nodded at him, reaching out an arm to stroke his arm briefly.

“Alright, I’m gonna settle this one down, come find us later, yeah?” Mountain smiled sweetly, his voice reassuring.

Rain nodded and left; once he did so, Mountain carried Phantom all the way to his bedroom and laid down with him. Immediately, Phantom curled up against him, nuzzling into his chest. He didn’t want to speak, but Mountain understood that, he pulled Phantom close to him, running his hands soothing down his back.

“I’ve got you, bug. You can rest now. I’m not going anywhere.”

Phantom purred softly as he got comfortable in Mountain’s arms.

A/N: I wrote Sodo’s point of view as well, go check it out; https://www.tumblr.com/sodoshame/724291902308040704/if-im-alone-i-cannot-hate

[10001gecs]

congrats on arm!!! also no worries if you don't want to talk about your workout routine but do you have any tips for how to get started working out if you're new to it? i want to feel stronger but feel really overwhelmed and unsure where to start!

ok so actually yes as someone who’s tried to like working out for YEARS I have so many thots basically

1. Get a gym membership. I know you CAN work out at home but personally it’s way harder for me bc im like. Ok I COULD be working out rn or I could just stop and go play some video games. If ur at the gym tho it’s like ok im already here so I might as well

2. Spend like, a month literally just hanging out at the gym. Like I went in without a plan and just did random machines for an hour until I got tired. And this was rly important for me bc it turned working out from like, “something I have to do and it hurts and I have to do a prescribed regimen every time” into just a fun thing I do for as long as I wanna. I like to think of it as enrichment in my hamster enclosure. If you get any visible progress here it’s also a slay because that’s encouragement!

3. ONLY WHEN you’ve done these things get an actual workout program. I tbh just stole one from someone I know who’s buff as fuck. Don’t be afraid to modify it, too. My friend is strong and has been going to the gym forever so he does a bunch of barbell stuff… which is scary to me. So instead I just do machines that work basically the same thing (eg bench press -> machine chest press).

4. Form is basically the most important thing, bc otherwise ur working the wrong muscles. And at least personally as a beginner, when I was getting my form wrong, it was usually bc I was trying to lift too much, my muscles couldn’t manage it, so my form slipped so other muscles could take over. Like, after a while of doing bicep curls, your forearms might start to take over the load. If you take ur thumbs from curling around the bar to sitting underneath it, you can stop that. For every new machine I did for a while I’d put the weight at like, 10 pounds, and just focus on getting the form right. This is also fun bc it feels more like enrichment. Wheee im pulling levers and such!

5. Nutrition. Eat a lot of protein. Like the amount u think u should be eating and then double that. Ppl recommend .7-1 g of protein per pound of body weight (im starting from a higher body fat %, so I can eat closer to the .7 range… which is nice bc otherwise ur eating SO MUCH). Like, again, don’t freak out about it, the most important thing is that ur going at all… but once it becomes something u enjoy, you wanna make sure you’re not doing a bunch of work and then not giving ur muscles the nutrition they need

So basically overall my advice is like, make going to the gym easy and fun before you make it useful. Like, you can do the best workouts of your life but if it sucks, you’re not gonna do it consistently. Once u break the habit, you’ll never pick it back up. If you make it fun first, you want to go… and you can always make it more difficult later. If you ever notice it not being fun, give it a break and figure out how to make it fun.

Also basically nobody is looking at you in the gym ever. Also I specifically got a membership to a gym that has really low membership bc I hate fighting for machines and I hate feeling like ppl are looking at you (they’re not, but I hate the feeling). My planet fitness is 24/7, and for a while I went at like, 11pm bc it was empty.

[silverbladexyz]

Hello! I hope you’re having a good day! I’m not sure if you’re taking requests right now, but if you are than i would like to ask for cuddle hcs with Tecchou and Jouno, tysm if you write it! :)

Hey anon! Thanks for the request, and sorry if I didn't do it well 😅

The images and gifs used are not mine. They belong to their original owners

BSD Manga spoilers below!

Cuddling HCs with Tecchou and Jouno (two of my fav boys)

Tecchou:

-Cuddles between the two of you happen when you guys are at home

-Even if Tecchou doesn't really mind PDA, he's still quite serious when it comes to his job

-Now back to the cuddling. I feel like Tecchou would cuddle you gently at first, because he doesn't want to hurt you (this guy is the strongest of the Hunting Dogs)

-But the first time you asked him for a cuddle he was like ??? Do you mean a hug? Because he's kinda clueless when it comes to physical affection, but don’t worry, he’s a fast learner and soon you’d find yourself smothered in cuddles

-Overtime, cuddling has become the norm for you two. Watching TV? Cuddles. Sleeping in? Cuddles. Honestly Tecchou might cling to you so much that you'd have to be the one to tell him to stop lol. He just likes the feeling of you in his arms and he won't hesitate to cuddle you if you asked him to

-In all honesty, his cuddles are 👌👌👌 The warmth he gives off is just... mmmm

-When you two cuddle a lot more, he might incorporate some other actions. Such as stroking your hair, nuzzling his head into your shoulder, even sometimes giving you a kiss or two. But he’ll only do it if you’re comfortable with it(we stan a consent king 👑)

-Sometimes you can’t even pay attention to what is happening around you because that’s how damn good his cuddles are

-You’re cold? Just go and cuddle Tecchou. This man is s t r o n g and he probably doesn’t get cold easily as well. In fact he’s like a free heater lmao

-Overall, cuddles with him are a MUST

Jouno:

-Ok, I feel like you’d have to be the one to ask him for cuddles most of the time

-Not that he doesn’t want to cuddle you; he’s just not as used to affection and it’s kind of new to him

-Also I feel like he isn’t that much of an affectionate type. Sure, he enjoys cuddles and affection, but he’s not one for giving it. He shows love in other ways

-The first time you guys cuddled he was kind of...awkward. But he handled it kinda well and now he’s used to cuddles

-Cuddles are also when you guys are home. It’s a nice way for Jouno to relax when he’s come back from a long tiring day at work, and he loves being in your arms

-Also, he would put his head on your chest to listen to your heartbeat. I feel like your heartbeat might accidentally put him to sleep when he’s super tired lol

-This man is strong as well. If he doesn’t want to let you go, he’s basically clinging to you with his arms and good luck trying to get them off lol

-But be very sure that you want to cuddle, because this man will tease you if you ask for it

-Saying stuff like ‘Oh? Did my dear Y/N miss me so badly when I just left a few hours ago?’ with that cocky smirk on his face Jouno just admit that you want cuddles as well

-His cuddles are quite nice as well, but be warned, just as you were getting comfortable, he might try to make it into a tickling session if you’re not being careful. He will stop if you ask him to, but your laughter is just too precious for him. He’s already planning the next tickling session

-When he has a really bad and tiring day, he’ll just come to you and of course you cuddle him. These cuddling sessions are more peaceful and Jouno just listens to the calming sound of your heartbeat.

-STROKE HIS HAIR. It’s so soft and smooth, and your touch just lulls him to sleep when you guys are in each other’s arms. Good luck trying to escape now because when this man sleeps, he holds on and refuses to let you go

-Overall, cuddles with Jouno are great (if he’s not trying to tickle you)

Tbh I feel like I could’ve done better, but I’m super tired rn and school is being mean :’)

[thewritingginger]

;) Alphabet - Taiju Shiba

I’m still working on the two remaining kinktober prompts but im a bit sick rn so my energy to write is kinda low  So here's some letter headcanons in the mean time :)

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Letters: T, A, I, J, U Warnings: 18+, Talks of sex (obviously)

Enjoy ~

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yes, he owns toys

& Yes, he uses them –mostly on his partner

He mainly uses vibrators and dildos/penetration toys

If you want to use a toy on him he has to be in the mood to

When in the mood to have a toy used on him it might be a cockring while having sex &/or getting a blow job –kinda enjoys the way it restrains his ejaculation

He also doesn’t mind if you were to use a vibrator on him during a blow job/ hand job –teasing his tip with it or pressing it against his balls while you suck his tip

But he mainly prefers using them on his partner rather than himself

He does have a pocket-pussy he might use while masturbating but not all the time, it's just a mood thing

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Depends on the day

I think it took some time for Taiju to get comfortable enough to be intimate in the terms of vulnerability  

In the beginning sex was fun but not a form of showing love

That level of intimacy wouldn’t come till later when he feels worthy of not only showing but receiving that kind of affection

I wouldn’t say he’s romantic but there are times when he is making love to you

In those moments he is baring himself in a way not many people get to see

“Fuck, you’re perfect.”

“I love you more than anything.”

He might play some music and light a few candles on special occasions but he feels kinda silly when he does stuff like that

Overall, he’s not very romantic in the traditional sense of the word

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Honestly, Tai is like a big teddy bear after sex –the rougher it was the more that is true

He likes laying there with you in his arms, either spooning or you on his chest, as you catch your breaths

Not very talkative, maybe some cooing and ‘I love you’s but other than that he’s just enjoying the afterglow of your sex 

Will listen to you talk tho as he strokes your hair &/or body

If you had sex somewhere other than your bed, such as the couch, he will carry you to bed or a shower if you want

He does make sure you’re ok and asks if he hurt you at all if he was rougher on you

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Taiju jerks off maybe b/w 2-4 times a week (1-2 being average & 4+ being when he’s stressed or really needy and isn’t with you)

I think he kinda likes holding it in and getting amped up for when he’s with you

I can see him being into edging himself but never releasing when he or you has to be gone for work or whatever so when you’re finally back together there is no holds barred and nobody might see you guys for a day or two depending on how long you’ve been separated

If/when Taiju masturbates he would rather use a photo/video he’s taken (consensually) or you’ve sent him as his source to get off to –also wouldn’t be against a little phone sex of either you guiding him or him guiding you (or both) to orgasm

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Taiju can have a bit of a Sadistic streak in the bedroom

He on occasion enjoys overstimulating and denying you orgasms

Also can really get into dirty talk and degrading in these moments

“Does my dirty girl/boy want to cum?”

“Look at you begging for my cock. Is the toy I have inside you not good enough?”

If he’s feeling particularly playful and cruel he’ll have you sit on his cock and keep it warm for him as he works or is watching a show/movie

All the while he is groping you and whispering in your ear as you whimper for more

“What did I say about moving, Baby?”

“I know you want to bounce on my cock but you look so pretty sitting with it stuffed inside you.”

Safe to say that, if it’s the vibe, Taiju can be quite unfair and enjoys seeing you squirm from time to time

I hope you liked that!

Feedback & Interaction is always appreciated :3

💛 ~

~ Masterlist ~

[unreadmaterial]

i cried thinking/telling myself that i never really knew him. a big part of who he was i feel i must have created in my mind. but then i remember moments, like when he was gaming and i came in to ask a question. he looked so good in his blue shirt, his big hazel eyes standing out, and his long hair pushed back from his headphones. i asked if i could take his pic and he said yes and gave me a ‘you’re really taking my pic rn’ look but then his face softened and he got this look in his eye. and i snapped a second pic and smiled. the next day at breakfast i told him about the look in his eyes in that pic and he asked to see it. i told him i don’t see it often and he said he was thinking how nice it was to see me look so happy in that moment. it felt real. and i know i am dumb and i was so blind but we had countless moments that to me were real and honest and raw. but the whole entire time he was with other people. so maybe none of it was real. and at the end of the day, what does it matter. i told him on more than one occasion to please let me know if this wasn’t genuine or going somewhere for him, i used to sob so hard i couldn’t breathe in his arms, i opened up to him, confided in him, i trusted him. he knew how i felt about him, he knew my intentions, he knew he was hurting me, and he did it anyways. and it’s so much worse than just that, so much more cruel. i’m not ready to let myself think about it too much yet. and in the end, it was real to me. he said he cared for me and maybe he did, in his twisted way. but i think that he cared only about himself, and he just liked the way i loved him, the way i adored him, the way i wanted only him. he used to mock me sometimes when we would break up and then get back together, saying i just couldn’t give him up. he told me once that he would fuck me on my wedding night. i remember being hurt bc it implied i wouldn’t be marrying him

but it’s xmas and it was overall a good day. best one i’ve had in a while, surprisingly