#so rn the plan is: panic this week

[kalpasio]

hii

I asked me when you can upload a Kalpas fluff fanfic 😭😭 my heart misses him so much and i need content from him

hiiii!!!! I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything in so long, school has been kicking my ass lol

next week I have finals so I don't think I'll get any writing done this week, BUT

I'm like half way to 2/3 of the way through the mafia au fic (depending on how crazy I get) and I fully plan on either finishing that or writing one of the one shot requests I have not this weekend but the next. so assuming I dont just keel over, I'll try to have Kalpas fluff up soon!!!

[puffinpastry]

Hello!! I adore your writing, by the way, both fics from you I've read!! I had a hard time deciding between asking about New Growth and Cryptobotany, but!! In New Growth, what does Wolfwood think of what's going on between Knives and Vash? Like he was technically a part of the Eye and has got to have some complicated feelings on Knives himself, but he's still trying to play mediator himself. He seems pretty chill with Knives, all things considered, but he also yelled at him pretty quick when he set off a panic attack in Vash on accident. So I'm really curious on what Wolfwood is thinking through all of it!

First off:

Thank you SO much! Both Cryptobotany and New Growth have been so much fun to write and I had no idea that they'd get as much traction as they have.

Secondly! Answer under a cut here! I got a little (very) long winded.

OKAY SO!

There are a few reasons that he's so relaxed about Knives hanging around and it really boils down to three things.

First: Knives isn't the only one here that's chilled out since the end of trimax. This version of Wolfwood has had the time he needed to do some inward thinking and more or less come to terms with at least some of the suffering that he'd been subjected to and the actions that he was forced to take to keep himself alive and the orphanage safe. Less of the kind of healing that actual therapy sort of help would do for him and more the result of there no longer being a constant threat and end goal to keep his mind too busy to stop and go 'Man. Was that fucked or what?' But the peace made him have to address it on his own. (Mostly on his own. Ofc he had support from Vash, it would've been impossible for him to miss.) He was able to accept what had happened and that very little of it, if any, had been his own fault. None of that is to say that he no longer feels any guilt over what had happened or that it doesn't still keep him up at night from time to time, but he has healed from it enough that he no longer has nightmares about leaving bloody hand prints on anyone and anything he touches.

All of that is to say that he recognizes Knives and his influence and responsibility for the things that the Eye did, either directly or in a more roundabout way, but at the same time the Eye is gone, LivRaz is free from their influence, the kids in the orphanage are safe from the possibility of having to go through the same things that he did, and Chapel is dead. All that's left of it is Knives and, well... The first thing he saw when he tracked Knives down was this man that was so clearly exhausted and beaten down. There was no fight left in him at all, and it almost reminded him of when he'd finally found Vash hiding out in a little town and calling himself Eriks. Except Knives didn't even have that little town or a Sheryl or a Lina to lean on or give himself some semblance of purpose.

So he went looking for Knives he'd only seen a few times before. The Knives he'd once pointed a gun at and feared too much to pull the trigger. He knew that this Knives was de-powered and defeated, but he still wasn't prepared for the sad wet beast born in a cardboard box all alone version that he found. He didn't even know that was possible… and kicking that when he was already down would have felt shitty to say the least. It was a version that was a lot harder to dredge up any fear for.

Second: This one is simpler. He knows that despite everything that has been done to him that Vash still has some deep rooted desire to have his entire family back, even if that isn't possible for one reason (dead) or another (tree-d and disappeared). He understands Vash's complicated feelings on it to some degree from his own experiences with the orphanage after he left and for the extended period of time where he thought he would never be able to go home. Their situations weren't the same, but they were just close enough for him to empathize with Vash. But then there Knives is all of a sudden, and even if it isn't going to fit in with or match up to the sort of impossible, idealized, shameful daydreams that Vash has to have from time to time, it's suddenly possible for there to be some kind of reconcilliation and even if they try and fail then there's more closure there than there would be if Knives was chased off and Vash was left to wonder what-if for the rest of his life. So even if he still does rightfully hate Knives... He hates the idea of Vash suffering another regret and having to cope with another source of misplaced guilt more.

And he wasn't lying when he told Knives that he wanted the twins to have more family and more support in their lives. Yeah, they've got him and Vash, and they've got Meryl and Milly and LivRaz. They've got the help of Melanie and they've visited the kids in the orphanage before, and they even have a few of the townsfolk, but Knives would be an important addition for the fact that he is a plant, and the twins are going to need some sort of guidance and Vash can only offer so much of that himself. Especially as he is now without powers and after a lifetime of trying to distance himself from what he was and after receiving no guidance of his own. They each had to figure out everything as they grew and between the both of them then the girls might not have to struggle as much as they did.

Third: this is the most important point. In New Growth Wolfwood knows about Tesla. I'll actually be getting more into this and why Vash chose to actually share something THAT personal later on because the idea of a short Wolfwood focused prequel planted itself into my head recently and I'm going to be doing something about that as soon as New Growth is finished. But anyway! Wolfwood knows about Tesla, and he knows about how both Knives and Vash reacted to their discovery of her. He knows why Knives made the choices he did, and he understands why he made them. Knowing that all of his actions came from fear and exactly what caused it gave him everything he needed to know to feel safe in believing it when Knives says that he's done.

So he is more comfortable with Knives around than he would have been without that knowledge, without needing him around for the girls' sake, and if Vash didn't want anything to do with him, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't still hold any uncertainty about having him in their home. He's still worried about the very real possibility of the whole thing falling apart and going wrong. Accidents still happen, and the panic attack that Knives triggered is a perfect example of that.

Even if the mistake that triggered that whole thing was pretty much harmless, the picture it made was still startling enough that it set off some of those fears. His reaction wasn't warranted but it wasn't exactly unwarranted at the same time. Does he really think that Knives is a danger/is going to do something to hurt anyone there? No. But the anxiety is there and he's spent the whole time feeling like he's juggling the temperaments and the potential for violence of two pretty much wild animals, even if those wild animals are busy playing house.

So in short... outwardly he's pretty calm, and he's having a good time pretending that he's all chilled out and in total control of the situation (and he kind of is, Vash and Knives are struggling but he's really doing the best he can for them and it's working) but internally he's shaking like a nervous chihuahua.

[crispy-chan]

I am literally in the same situation I was in a year and a half ago. Lord have mercy 😔

[etherealallura]

…

[princessbrunette]

PRINCESS ILYSM N IM AO DEINK RN PLEASE TELL US HOW THE BOYS SAID ILY FLR THE FJRST TIME CUZ I RLY NEED TO KNOW JOYSM UR SO AMAZING HT BRAIN JD SO CUTE I LOVA YKU

sodjcjdjsj i hope u had a good night !!!!!!!

rafe definitely says it for the first time after you’re arguing and you try and walk out on him. i wrote this somewhere a while back but you go to leave and he panics and starts begging you to stay, telling you that he loves you 🙄 sorry it’s not the most romantic but it’s real

jj would be after a grand gesture, like canon — he’d save you from something, or nearly die and he’d come straight to you and tell you he loves you before grabbing you and running off somewhere more safe before you have time to even process it ??

pope would have planned for like two weeks that he’s gonna say it but he keeps chickening out. you’ve been seeing eachother for a while now and he takes you out on a particularly fancy date before picking his moment to tell u :(

john b would say it randomly and domestically, like just hanging out at his house and you’re in the kitchen laughing together and his smile just softens as he watches you bc he’s rlly in love !! n then he just comes out with it abruptly

[buckyalpine]

Ex!Bucky fluff

I’m about to break hearts rn but I’ll mend it with a mini life saver. I promise. I was in a silly goofy mood for angst but I can't just leave the ending like that.

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, trying to regulate his breathing while practicing the grounding methods you had taught him, your soft voice guiding him through his panic attack.

"Tell me what you see around you"

"I-I see the curtains, the coffee table, the bookshelf- uh- the couch" You nodded, encouraging him to continue while his glassy eyes flicked around the living room. He looked at all the things you had hand picked for the space when you moved in together; the empty box he used as a shelter finally became a home after he met you.

"How about something you can smell"

"I-I can smell the laundry detergent on the blanket" It was Bucky's favorite scent because it smelled like lavender and lavender smelled like home. Home was you.

"What else my love" You cooed, "What can you touch"

"The pillow- it feels soft" Bucky's fingers dug into the sofa as he stayed frozen in place but he knew how soft the couch cushions were. After all you had picked them because you were obsessed with how plush they were.

"What is something that's real"

“You’re here with me”

"Oh, Jamie"

"You're always here" Bucky's voice cracked with emotion, the tears he had been holding in falling down his cheeks and staining his Henley.

You smiled sadly, shaking your head.

"I'm not, baby" Your voice was a gentle whisper, wishing you could reach out to cup his scruffy cheek, wiping the steady stream of tears that continued to pour down his face "But I wish I was"

-

Now I had planned on stopping here, insinuating reader had died. however if you don't stand for that, you may continue to read below.

-

Bucky couldn't take it.

6 months.

6 months he'd gone without you, hoping one day it would get easier but the day never came. He hoped the guilt of breaking your heart would balance with the fact that you'd be safer without him but not having you by his side was worse than any kind of torture he'd endured. He didn't think he was worthy of your love but now here he was, craving it more than ever.

He thought his love for you would make him selfless enough to carry on alone just to keep you out of harms way but his walls were crumbling further each day.

He needed you so bad.

He wanted to be selfish.

For his luck, you hadn't gone far. He'd made sure to keep tabs on you long after you left, anxiety eating him alive on days where you did something differently from your routine. Even if you were not together, he'd make sure you were protected.

****

You put away your groceries for the week, shuffling around the tiny apartment you'd moved back into 6 months ago, going through the motions as if your heart hadn't been split into two. No amount of convincing allowed him to believe he deserved you. You shook away that train of thought, a gentle knock at the door breaking you away from the small kitchenette.

You hesitated, debating on reaching for the knife you had hidden under the cupboard, something Bucky had taught you when he insisted on also teaching you self defense. The gentle knocking continued as you unlocked the handle without undoing the chain, gasping when you opened the door.

There he was.

The man you still cried over each night.

The man who still owned your entire heart.

The man who you adored with your entire being to the end of the earth and back. You shakily undid the chain, letting him inside, still too shocked to say anything.

"M'sorry" His voice came out a broken whisper, bottom lip already trembling seeing you wrapped up in a hoodie he thought had lost. "I'm sorry darling"

You didn't realize you'd broken down into tears until you felt him wrap you up, hugging you tightly to his chest, his own emotions overwhelming him.

"Please don't cry" Bucky wept into your hair as he clung onto you, rocking you in his strong arms, "Please baby, not over me, don't cry angel"

"I-I-al-already-c-cried-so-much" You choked and hiccupped between sobs, clinging onto Bucky harder as if he'd disappear into thin air the same way he did each night when you woke up from your dreams. The bed would feel cold and empty, the room too quiet and your heart all alone. "I'll-cr-y-if-I-w-want-t-to"

You let out a shaky huff, your brows knitted together into a pouty frown, trying hard to be angry with him, angry at the fact that he didn't allow you to love him the way he deserved, angry that he pushed you away instead of trying to workout a different solution. Bucky couldn't help but let out a wet chuckle between sniffles, giving you a soft squeeze and tilting your face up to peck your bottom lip which had been jutting out.

"I never want you to cry again love, I'll never make that mistake again" He swore, looking deeply into your eyes, cradling your head against where his heart was hammering against his chest. "Never again sweetheart, I'm so sorry I pushed you away baby, I can't do this without you, I love you so much"

You whimpered at his words, allowing him to lift you up, your legs moving on their own to wrap around his waist, burying your face into the crook of his neck. Bucky carried you all the way back and straight to the bedroom. He wanted nothing more than to hold and cuddle you, craving more with each passing minute until he was as close as he could possibly be. He stayed inside you, smiling against your sweat slicked skin, not bothering to pull out once the entire night.

"I'm finally home" He whispered against your skin, pressing soft kisses to your cheeks while you looked at him quizzically, giggling at his lips continues to dance across your lips, "It's not home without you"

[eternalsams]

I gotta a request for you

TW: mentions of being sick (like a cold)

Ya girl is ill and in desperate need of fluff with Jake "Hangman" Seresin, Robert "Bob" Floyd (if your writing him rn), Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and Mickey "Fanboy" Garcia like how they would be when your sick

Feel free to ignore this is you want

This is so cute! I have yet to write for Bob, it's on my 2024 plans don't worry. I'm ma just write some headcanons and not full stuffs cause I don't really have the time but I really wanted to do this now (it's getting late where I live)

TW: mentions of throwing up

Jake "Hangman" Seresin

first, he's clueless, he doesn't really know what to do. Is he supposed to cook for you? to help you blowing your nose?

if you get really sick to the point you empty your stomach at everything you eat, he tries to be as supportive as he can. holding your hair if it gets in your face? he can do that. rubbing your back when you feel like dying with your head on the toilet seat? he even kisses the back of your head and whispers sweet things to you

he desperately tries to cook you things you can keep; rice, chicken, whatever you need, he makes just so you feel better (spoiler alert, he's not really a great cook)

he even asks you if he needs to take a day or two off so he can take care of you but you promise him he doesn't need to (he respects your decision, he wouldn't have liked you missing work for him either)

he's a southern boy, he practically never gets sick so he takes that as an advantage to cuddle with you in bed and cover your face with sweet kisses

unfortunately, he does get sick and it's your turn to baby him all week

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

he knows what to do. he's been raised by the one and only Carole Bradshaw so he knows exactly what kind of food you need to get better asap

he surprises you with his cooking skills. he usually rarely cooks because he's not great either in front of a stove. but when you're not feeling good? that man turns into Gordon Ramsay for you

he even kept his mom's recipes from when he was not older than 15 when she used to cook him nice meals when he was sick

he's a cuddler, he doesn't care if he gets sick, he just wanna keep you safe and warm in his arms.

if you're feeling really bad, he even calls in sick with Mav to take care of you until you get better

Mickey "Fanboy" Garcia

that poor man goes full panic mode, he asks you if you're cold, if you're feeling nauseous, the whole interrogation

then he calls his mom, and you swear you hear him beg his mother for her secret recipes

I'm convinced this man is the definition of golden retriever energy, he just cannot stop running around. one moment he's wrapping you in his favorite star wars blanky, and the next one, he passing the front door, on his way to get some herbal tea

when you're all cosy on your couch, with Luke and Leia Skywalker wrapped around your shoulders, and the hot cup of tea in your hands, Mickey finally allows himself to calm down

even more when you ask him to pick a movie to watch together

Robert "Bob" Floyd

he's actually the one who notices you getting sick. when you start blowing your nose more often or clearing your throat with a grimace on your face

he looks up on the internet for some natural tips to dissipate a cold and it usually works without you noticing anything

but if you get really sick, he's a bit lost. just like Mickey, he'd call his parents for advice and his mom would help him cook you some food you can keep.

he doesn't care if you wake him up in the middle of the night when you flush the toilet or when you stumble on the bathroom floor to empty your stomach, as long as he's by your side through it, he's really doesn't care

maybe hell get sick with all the kisses he steals from you but he just can't get enough of the red flush of your cheeks and especially the tip of your nose

[forever-rogue]

Hi Bee! I've been a long time reader and fan of your blog! The way you write for Eddie is insane 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ I love it 🥹 if you feel comfortable, could you please write something for fem!reader x Eddie where she has a history of being bullied (physically & verbally) and one day they could be arguing or something and Eddie is on edge and raises his voice and moves too quickly and she flinches (or maybe has a panic attack or something) I would really appreciate this ❤️🥺 comfort and fluff at the end because I need that rn ❤️

AN | Okay, but this is a little angsty but mostly soft 🥺🥰

Warnings | Language, mentions of past verbal abuse 

Pairing | Eddie x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 2.3k

Masterlist | Main, Eddie 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It had been a long week. Weeks, really. And you felt like you and Eddie were like ships passing in the night more than anything else. You were busy with college classes and your part time job, and he was busy working at the shop. He’d been working a lot lately, even more than he normally did, but you hadn’t questioned it. You knew that you didn’t bring in a lot of money only working part time while you finished your degree, but it would be worth it in the end. 

But Eddie, good, kind hearted, wonderful man that he was, insisted that you it was okay. He wanted you to be able to focus on your studies, rather than have to worry about working. He was the main provider for your little family of two, and while it was a lot of pressure, he wouldn’t have changed a thing. In fact, one of the reasons he’d been working even longer hours and helping a few customers on the side, was so he could save up to buy you an engagement ring. You always insisted that you didn’t need anything fancy, but Eddie wanted to do this right, he wanted to do all the things with you, including proposing with a pretty ring.

Right now though, you were desperately wanting to spend some time with him, so you went ahead and planned a little date night for the two of you. You’d gotten a few very generous tips at the cafe lately and stashed them away in the rainy day fund; and now it was time to use them. You wanted a nice night out for both of you. 

“Eddie Spaghetti,” you were grinning from ear to ear as you walked into your shared apartment. You’d just gotten out of class and he should have been home a few minutes before you. He didn’t respond to your excited call for him and you wondered if he was home yet, “babe?”

You walked into the bedroom and found him sitting at the edge of the bed, boots off and a fresh change of clothes. He was breathing deeply, eyes closed and leaned back on his hands. Poor thing looked tired, and you knew he deserved the rest. 

“Babe-”

“I heard you,” he said, not altogether rudely or kindly either, “hi sweetheart.”

“Hello my love,” you kneeled at his feet, reaching for his hand to take in yours, “I missed you today! I’ve been missing you a lot lately.”

“I’ve missed you too,” he responded with a gentle squeeze of your hand, looking into your eyes for a split second. You could see the exhaustion in them and it made your heart constrict.

“Listen, I set a little bit of money aside for us and I thought we could go out tonight,” you were grinning, but there was an unreadable expression on his features, “get dinner and maybe catch a movie?”

“Not tonight, sweetheart.”

“I just think it would be nice to have a night out to ourselves-”

“I can’t tonight,” he repeated as you pouted at him, “I’m sorry - maybe this weekend, okay?”

“But Eddie-”

“Please!” he snapped suddenly, dropping your hand as he gave you a sharp look. You’d never heard him raise his voice before…especially not at you. The only time you really heard him get loud was when he was in the thrill of the moment during a new campaign, “I’m exhausted and I have to go back to work tonight.”

“I don’t think you should-”

“Really?” his eyes narrowed and you gulped nervously, “then who is going to pay for everything, huh?”

“Eddie,” you stepped back, your heart racing as you felt the stinging of tears in the back of your eyes, “I-I-”

“Not all of us have the luxury of going to school and working a few hours here and there at a coffee shop!” you’d never heard him this mad before, not in over three years of dating, and it frightened you. You didn’t like this Eddie and wanted your Eddie back. You flinched away from him, trying to hide how scared you were.

“I just thought you could use a break,” your voice sounded so small and hurt that it broke Eddie’s heart. He shouldn’t have snapped at you, shouldn’t have taken his momentary anger (which was not even at you) out on you, “you’ve been working so hard. I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Sweetheart,” he tried to reach for you but you shook your head and pulled away to where he couldn’t reach you, “honey - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Will you come here, please?”

“No,” you shook your head and clambered to your feet before scampering towards the door, “please just don’t.”

“Angel,” he got up and tried to walk over to you but you ducked in the hallway, “what’s wrong?”

“I-I’m going to go,” you stammered nervously, almost running into the living room to grab your bookbag. Eddie followed you slowly, trying to keep a bit of distance that you obviously needed, “I-I’ll see you later.”

You were gone and out the door before he could say anything else, heading to your care. You weren’t sure exactly what to do, but you just needed some space. You’d never had a single moment with him like that before and it felt terrible. This wasn’t Eddie, and you knew that he wasn’t going to turn into some monster, but the moment had settled harshly in your bones. 

Eddie’s eyes welled up with tears as he stared at the door. He hated the look on your face; he hated himself more for snapping at you. He’d just been so tired and run down, and it had all come to a head. Unfortunately, it was you that was caught in the crossfire; his love, his princess, his angel. The last person he ever wanted to hurt. And he’d just gone and done that.

“Fuck,” he sighed at himself, closing his eyes and letting out a long breath. He wanted to come after you, figuring you’d more than likely have gone to Steve and Robin’s place. But, more than anything, he wanted you to be comfortable, so he opted to give you space instead. 

 ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

By the time you got home, Eddie was already in bed. But he wasn’t sleeping, instead he was staring at the ceiling, unable to calm his worried mind down. He heard the front door open and close, followed by your soft tread, but remained still and silent. He noticed the hesitation in your tread after he heard your bag settle on the floor, followed by your shoes. He hated the idea that he was the reason for your quiet shyness. 

You paused outside the bedroom door, noticing that it was still partly open, almost like a sign of apology. You paused with your hand on the knob before slowly pushing it open and letting yourself in. There was a soft glow from the bedside table where the small lamp was still on. It illuminated his body, but you knew immediately that he was still awake.

“E-Eddie?” you whispered softly, padded over to your side of the bed, cautiously sitting down. Your boyfriend rolled over so he was facing you, blinking softly but not yet saying anything so he wouldn’t push you further. You met his eyes and offered him a small little half smile. He visibly relaxed when he saw that you weren’t shying away, “I know it’s late, but can we talk?”

“Yeah - y-yes,” he sat up and leaned against the headboard, lightly patting the space next to him. You didn’t even bother to take off your clothes before crawling into your side of the bed, sitting cross legged next to him, “I…first of all, I want to say how sorry I am. I should never have talked to you like that. I know you probably don’t believe me right now and I don’t expect you to, but I will never talk to you like that again. I swear it.”

“I know,” you nodded softly, playing with a loose thread hanging from the sleeve of your sweater, “I know you won’t, Eddie. I know that a one time thing isn’t going to change our entire relationship.” 

“Yeah?”

“Of course,” you raised a tentative hand before reaching over and touching his cheek, brushing your thumb over the apple of his cheek. He leaned into your touch, eyes fluttered closed at the feel of your soft palm on his skin, “I think I owe you an explanation too.”

“Sweetheart,” he wrapped his fingers around your wrist and brought your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles, “I am tired, and I’ve been tired and I know you have been too. And it’s not because you don’t work hard - I know you do. I know it’s not just going to school full time and working part time. And it’s nothing I hold against you, because that’s what we agreed to, and let’s be honest, school ain’t for me.”

“Eddie, you’ve been working so much,” you whispered, “and I don’t want you to run yourself into the ground. We’ll be okay if you cut back your hours, especially the extra ones. I can always pick a few more hours on the weekends…but we’ll figure it out.”

“I…” he swallowed thickly, taking a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing, “I know I can cut back and we’d be okay….I took the extra shifts and hours because I was using them to save some extra money.”

“Oh,” your brows furrowed in surprise; you spotted the dark pink flush in his cheeks, “whatever for?”

“I was saving up so I could buy you a ring,” he confessed, looking like a shy boy rather than a grown man. Your eyes widened in surprise and you couldn’t prevent the small gasp that escaped your lips. A wave of emotion caused your eyes to prickle with tears, “I know you said you didn’t need an engagement ring or a big proposal or any of that, but baby, I want to do this. I want to do it right, and get you that ring.”

“Oh Eddie,” a few tears had prickled up and rolled down your cheeks, which he tenderly wiped away, “I had no clue…I…I love you so much.”

“I love you,” he promised, “I hope you’re not mad…”

“Of course I’m not mad,” you beamed at him, “I think you’re a stubborn man that won’t change his mind, huh?”

“I won’t,” he agreed, causing you to giggle at him, “I’m gonna cut back my hours, I swear. But I’m also going to get you that ring, yeah?”

“Okay,” you didn’t need or want fancy material things like shiny rings, but damn. You weren’t about to say no to Eddie. You knew now that he’d spoken his piece, it was your turn to speak yours, “I, ugh, also want to apologize for how I reacted earlier. I, umm, growing up kinda sucked, you know? Well, I know you know. I never really gave you the full details, ‘cause it never felt necessary. But in school I was bullied a lot, especially when I was young because of being different. Home wasn’t much better; my mom, she…liked my older brother and sister a lot but with me it was different. For whatever reason, she hated me and my life a living hell half the time. She used to call me names, tell me I was stupid and unlovable, and would never get anywhere in life.”

“Sweetheart…”

“She liked to yell, a lot, almost like it was her form of a drug,” you shrugged, “I’m sure that’s why I don’t like any sort of yelling nowadays. I never really left like I fit in anywhere. Not until I met you….you and the rest of the gang.”

“I…I’m sorry,” was all he managed to choke out as he settled his hand on your neck, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into your skin, “I had no clue…I-I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“We all go through our own things,” you put your hand on top of his, giving it a gentle squeeze, “I should have told you sooner…but I want you to know that you are the best thing that has happened to me. I love you very much, Eddie.”

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he leaned in and pressed a soft barely there kiss to your lips, “will you forgive me? I know it’s a lot to ask for.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” you leaned your cheek against his, breathing in slowly, “we both…it’s not that we made mistakes, it’s just that….we just didn’t quite sync up today. And that’s okay, because we’ll learn and it won’t happen again.”

“It won’t,” his eyes were soft and bambi-like, making your heart melt. You loved this man beyond measure, and you knew he left the same, “how about we use some of that extra money we’ve stashed away and go away this weekend, huh? Just the two of us, no cares in the world.”

“I’d like that,” the smile on your face was breathtaking and electric and Eddie was positive he’d just fallen a little more in love, “let’s do it.”

“Let’s do it,” he agreed softly, “I love you so much, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Eddie.”

[sempersirens]

a bird in your teeth, epilogue

masterlist

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: mentions of past trauma, ptsd, nightmares. so much fluff

a/n: a little palate cleanser. sun bleached flies joel is on the naughty step rn

December 24th, (five years later)

God only knows, what I'd be without you...

The TV turned black as the credits rolled, only the warm flickering lights from the Christmas tree left to illuminate the room.

You took a steady breath in through your nose and locked eyes with Sarah, both suppressing a laugh before simultaneously turning to finally face Joel, who had been trying to silently bite back small sobs for the past forty-five minutes.

"How you holding up, boys?" Sarah teased, lovingly.

"You girls are damn evil. Pickin' such an emotional film on Christmas Eve."

"It's heartwarming!" You interjected.

"My heart is feelin' a lot of things right now but warm ain't one of 'em." Tommy murmured, wiping his eyes with the back of his sweatshirt.

"I just can't believe neither of you had ever watched Love Actually."

"May 'swell have, the number of times I've seen you two watchin' it, all damn year round," Joel said.

"Keep talking like that, Miller, and I won't make you an Irish coffee." You warned, earning oooh's from Tommy and Sarah.

You pulled yourself off the sofa and moved to the kitchen, proving your threat entirely empty. As you pottered around the room, collecting all of the ingredients for the drinks, you listened to the noise of the three people you loved most in the world simply existing in the room next to you. The haze of their laughter mixed with the song still warbling through the TV was softened by the wall separating you, a honeyed prayer just for you.

Somehow, life kept moving after that night. Everything thereafter seemed to be measured in the passing of time. Four days for your lip to heal. Three weeks for you to return Daisy's calls. Seven months until you could stop taking the long route to pick Sarah up and drive down that street again. Two years for the panic attacks to stop, for good. Five years, and counting, for an uninterrupted night's sleep.

Two months passed before your tenancy was over, but you had woken beside Joel each morning nonetheless. Sometimes, before the others had risen for the day, you would creep down the stairs and pour yourself a cup of coffee, sit on the porch, and look at that house across the street. You would watch the lights slowly turn on, see the silhouette of life taking shape. A young family had taken over your lease, and it comforted you to know another life was being nurtured within those walls.

Neither you nor Joel had ever discussed what happened that morning in that apartment. And you didn't need to know; you were content with the understanding you both did what you needed to go on. Call it closure.

"What's goin' on in that head of yours, pretty girl?" You felt his chest pressing against your back, his arms leaning on either side of your body, entrapping you against the counter.

His face nuzzled in the curve of your neck, breath tickling your hair against your skin.

"Just wondering if you're on the nice list this year." You turned to face him, staring up through your lashes at the man you love.

"That so? We've got about," he checked his watch, "two hours until midnight. M'sure I can do enough to make it on each of your nice lists for the next twenty years."

"You're planning on keeping me around for that long? Maybe I'll have a love affair with a real cowboy." You teased.

"Good luck gettin' him to watch a Hugh Grant film with ya."

You rested your hands on his face, using your thumb to trace his cheek lightly.

"How did I get so lucky?" You smiled, shaking your head softly in disbelief.

There had always been a surplus of love inside you, even when you were little. Throughout your life, you had poured it into the wrong people, time and time again. Belittled, taken for granted, chastised. Even though the love remained, you had grown to fear it. It would be like riding an escalator and instinctively grabbing the handrail, but being zapped by an electric shock. Each time thereafter, your hand would hesitate in reaching for the supportive grip. Sometimes it would tentatively hover above, trying to gage the sting of electricity a few millimetres away.

But loving Joel came so easy. Everything about him made you want to tear yourself open and offer him everything you had, everything you ever had been, and all you ever would be. You would wake in the night simply craving the feeling of his skin against yours. And every single time you reached out to him, even in his sleep, he would pull you in.

From the other room, an old Christmas song hummed through the walls.

Merry Christmas, baby / Sure did treat me nice...

"I should be the one askin' that question, darlin'." His right hand flexed in and out of a tight fist, the same way it did when he felt a bout of anxiety rise in his chest.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" You asked, concern digging itself into the furrow of your brows.

"I'm no good at this, you know that."

"No good at what, Joel?"

He pulled away from you slightly, lowering himself onto one knee, suppressing the groan you knew he desperately wanted to release at the tightness of his back and knees.

"My sweet girl, I will never understand why y'picked me. Out of all the men in this damn world, even Hugh Grant, I get to be the one who calls you mine."

"Joel..."

"I don't know much, but I know that I need t'spend the rest of my life by your side. And I need you by mine. Would you do me the honour of being my wife?"

"Oh my god, yes! Of course, I will, Joel."

Joel slipped the ring he had presented from a small box in his back pocket onto your finger. His smile showed off the creases by his eyes that you often wished you could dive into and engulf yourself in each feeling that caused them to deepen.

"Get up, you idiot. Your poor back. I don't want to be pushing you around in a wheelchair just yet." You laughed into his kiss, your bodies merging together like it was all they had ever been made to do.

"Can we come in yet?" Sarah called from around the corner.

"Yes! Come in, both of you." You replied, cheeks wet and aching from the smile etched into your face.

"No chance of those Irish coffees, I guess?" Tommy smirked, you softly clipped him round the back of the head before suffocating him into a hug. "Welcome to the family, Mrs Miller."

Merry Christmas, honey / Everything here is beautiful, I love you, baby / For everything that you give me.

[citrusrei]

In Every Lifetime.

Joel Miller x Reader MDNI 18+ Summary You fell for a man before the world went to hell. Nearly 20 years later, he’s there again in a different lifetime. Genre: a lil angst if you look at it right, Smut, fluff TLOU!Universe Word Count: 10.7k Warnings: Post-Outbreak!Joel, aggressive situations, a couple of hasslers, smut (piv ~unprotected~, fingering, hand jobs, creampies (again), slight breeding kink maybe? vocal dirty joel, mutual masturbation), age gap (14 years, joel is older duhh) lots of good Ol’ soft Joel, slightly possessive joel (again cause i love him), insecure joel :( happy ending cause my heart couldn’t take a sad one  *please imagine whichever Joel you’d like whether it’s pedro’s or videogame joel cause I pictured both at certain points.*

AN: This is truly one of my fav things I’ve ever written lol Joel is so babygirl in it i’m crine. also this can be read as a one shot if u haven’t read the first one~ (but read the first one hehe)

pt. 1 

listen to these as you read~

Life after the apocalypse was nothing anyone could have anticipated. Before the outbreak, you’d seen countless movies about zombies or the undead, or infected. But this was different. It wasn’t a virus, or a bio-weapon used to control the population. A fungus. A fungus that just so happened to mutate and create this global panic. 

The night it happened you were with a friend of yours testing out a new club downtown. Everything was great. The drinks were cheap and tasty, the music was amazing, the vibe was just immaculate. You and your friend Holly danced, drank, and sang the night away. A little before 11:00pm is when things got strange. The music changed, slower now. Holly asked if you wanted another drink to which you declined, but followed her to the bar anyways.

“Another sex on the beach please!” she urged.

“You’re addicted to those, ya know?” You laughed, shaking your head.

She laughed with you, “I am not! They’re just so delicious I can’t help myself.”

As the bartender handed Holly her drink, you sent Joel a quick text asking him how his birthday was. You’d been taking things slow since the night you and him finally hooked up. He had admitted his feelings for you and you were right there with him. The both of you decided to give each other a shot. You had wanted to see him today but he had told you he was working a double and wouldn’t be home until late so you had planned something with him later in the week.  

- 10:45pm Joel <3: Got home a couple hours ago. Sarah wanted to watch a movie and knocked out. Lil girl can’t run with the big dogs.

- 10:45pm Me: lol hopefully she got to see at least a bit of it! Holly dragged me to this club tonight and I’m kind of over it. Would rather be in bed with you rn 😉

- 10:46pm Joel <3: You got no idea how much I'd like that bout now darlin. You got me all weekend.

- 10:46pm Me: You better promise me that, Joel Miller!

- 10:46pm Joel <3: Promise.  

- 10:49pm Joel <3: Tommy just called me. He’s in the county jail. I gotta go get him... text you in a bit.

- 10:51pm Me: You’re kidding...... jesus Tommy. But ok. Text me once you get him. Talk soon <3

You slid your phone into your bra and sighed, not surprised that Tommy found himself in a predicament like that. He was so headstrong and stubborn. You wondered what had happened to him. 

“Everything okay?” Holly asked. You nodded but still you were unsure. Your eyes floated to a couple on the dance floor as your eyebrows knitted together. The woman began to twitch, her limbs snapping in different, odd directions. It continued a moment. People around her began to notice and step away, creating a circle around her. The man she was with held on to her as an attempt to keep her steady. She fell to the ground, her body still moving slightly. As this happened, the man pulled his cellphone out, most likely trying to call 911. In the blink of an eye, she rose to her feet, jumping on to the man in front of her and sinking her teeth into his neck. It physically startled you as you latched onto Holly’s arm. “We need to leave.” You said, eyes never leaving the woman, the crowd now starting to panic. People dispersed in a matter of moments. You could see someone trying to pry the woman off the man who laid what looked to be lifeless on the ground. That person suffered the same fate. She was on him in an instant.

Holly looked around and realized what was going on before pushing you towards the door. Once outside, everyone was scrambling. And not just people from the club but the man across the street, locking his bail bond business up or people fleeing from a nearby diner a few doors down. It was mania. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you looked around a moment, not exactly sure where to go or what to do.  

C’mon, ___! We gotta get to my car!” You followed Holly down the street to where she had her car parked when suddenly a horde of people ran by, being chased by what seemed to be someone covered in blood. Mucous and viscera gargled from his mouth as the sounds echoed through the street. The man dove to an older woman in front of him and began his attack. Holly screamed at the event which cause the man to turn his attention to her. He swung his arm out for her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her forward. You leapt into action, grabbing her body and pulling her back to you with such force, you could feel her back pop.

“Come on, run!” You screamed. The two of you sprinted to her car, not even minding the fact that both your heels had broken off in the process. She started the ignition and sped off, driving anywhere besides here.    

“What the fuck is happening?!” She yelled, checking her rearview mirror to make sure no one was following.

“I’m not sure. I need to call Joel.” You pulled your phone out and dialed his number, but it went straight to voicemail. “Fuck!” You called a few more people, Tommy, your mom, your sister. No one answered.  

“I gotta get home, ___. My-My son... I left him with the babysitter.” Holly cried, tears flowing now as she thought of all the possibilities of what could be happening to her child.

“Okay- It’s okay. We’ll go get him.”      

You and Holly sped to her home, not minding the speed limit as literally no one was. You both got to her house without a hitch, thankfully. However, upon arriving you noticed the door was wide open. Holly’s eyes widened.

“Stay here. I’m going to go in.” She breathed, shaking so bad she could barely unbuckle her seatbelt.

You nodded, checking your phone again and seeing you had a missed call from Tommy. You called him back immediately. It rang once, “Tommy! Hello? Can you hear me?”

“___! I can hear you but barely.” He was staticky. The call was barely hanging on. “Where are you? Are you safe?”

Tears began to prick your eyes as he spoke, his voice comforting you. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m with Holly. We’re getting her son. What is happening? Are you with Joel? Is Sarah okay?”

Tommy sighed, “I’m not sure. It’s a mad house. Av-oid downtown bu-t drive west. We’re over that w-ay. I was with Joel and Sarah b-ut I got sep-arate-d. Meet us p-ast the theater o-n the west side, okay? I got to g-” Suddenly the call dropped, showing no signal. At the same time Holly ran out with her son RJ in her arms. She set him in the back seat and jumped into hers, her tires squealing as she backed out of her drive way. Just as she pulled out, the babysitter came running out of her front door, growling animalistically. Your eyes flashed from her to RJ, checking for any wounds which you found none. He was bawling, completely terrified.   

“Hey, Tommy said drive to the west side past the theater and we can meet them there!” You said, climbing into the back seat to comfort RJ. You cradled the 2-year-old and hushed his sobs. He clung to you for dear life as you rocked him back and forth. You drove just outside of Austin, avoiding the mobs of people. Many people had the same idea as you but the flow of traffic stayed decent, only stopping every so often. The three of you rode in silence until a blockade came into view. It looked like the military was stopping people and directing them east. The exact opposite of where you needed to go. As Holly pulled up to the officers, they signaled her to roll her window down.

“How many in the car?” he asked, shining his flashlight in the vehicle.

“Just us three.” She answered.

He nodded, typing something on a tablet he held, “Okay, head east 15 minutes from here. There’s a larger Military presence over there and they’re taking survivors. I’ll add 2 women and a child to the list so they know you are coming.”

“No-No, we need to head west! We have people we need to meet!” You said quickly. The officer scowled and shined his light back to you and RJ who had calmed down into sniffles.

“Sorry ma’am but you can only go east. West side of Austin is under lockdown and no one can leave or enter. You go east.” He finished, walking to the car behind us.

You set RJ down next to you, buckling him in before returning to the front seat. “We need to find Joel and Tommy. We can’t go East.”

Holly shook her head, turning her tear-soaked cheeks to you. “No, we’re going east. I have RJ to think of, ___. If Joel and Tommy are smart, they’re already there waiting for you.” You sighed, defeatedly. She was right. The Miller brothers were very resourceful. It was a possibility. Maybe they were already at the safe zone. Same with your family. You nodded, your heart twisting in your chest as you agreed with her and then you were off.

It was a 15-minute drive but you could see the lights and helicopters before you even got there. It was massive and there were hundreds of people and tents popped up everywhere. It would be forever before you found anyone. The officers let you all in, setting you and Holly into a medical tent with a few other people. RJ slept in his mother's arms as the Doctors and Soldiers came in and out of each tent. Your leg bounced with anxiety. You glanced around the tent and around the area in general. People sobbed and cried and yelled, asking where their loved ones were, or what was going on, and saying they wanted to go home. You couldn’t help but to agree. You wanted nothing more than to go home and go to sleep and wake up and have this all be dream. 

Some time passed before the fedra soldiers came back with water and blankets. They said they were transporting people to quarantine zones as soon as possible. You wanted to fight back and say you had people to find, but everyone was saying that. So you sat and obliged.  

Finally, the doctors made their way into your tent, checking on the other habitants first. They did a full body check on the young girl sitting on the cot. She was clean. Next was the mother, she didn’t speak any English. She cried to the doctor, “Por favor, doctor. No estoy enfermo. Quiero irme a la casa.” The doctor just looked at her, checking her body over anyways. She cried and cried and your heart broke for her. It made you sick. You wanted to go home too, desperately. You wanted your mom or your sister. Or Joel. The doctor finished his search and nodded to the soldier. The soldier came over to the woman and dragged her away. Her daughter screamed on the cot as they subdued her. You couldn’t look anymore, it hurt too much. You averted your gaze back to Holly and RJ who was awake now, rambling in her arms. She raised her hand to wipe the hair out of his eyes, and that’s when you saw it. Your eyes widened as you noticed the three scratch marks on her wrist.

         Present Day.                                                                                                    It was fall now. Mid-October. The cold decided to make an early appearance and you were thankful for the older couple you’d stumbled upon a few weeks ago. They’d stocked you up with a good amount of food and a thick winter coat. The old man had been saying it was going to be a Winter with a sharp bite and offered you the jacket. Who were you to deny an old man and his wisdom? They let you stay there a couple days. Maybe they had been too trusting. You could have easily killed them while they slept a few doors down from you. You’d even thought about it. They had plenty of food and a barn with a couple cows and chickens. You could just take it if you had really wanted to. You hated that those were thoughts you had. They were showing you such kindness and trust, hell, the older woman even baked you a pie. A fresh baked pie?! It had been probably 20 years since you’d had one of those.

The course of the last 20 years moved in a blur. From you being split from anyone you’d known and sent to a QZ in Illinois, to that said QZ being destroyed by fireflies only 5 years of being there. You’ve had to do horrible, heinous things to survive; which you hated yourself for. You searched and searched for anyone familiar. Someone you’d gone to school with, babysat, or maybe a neighbor. Anyone. And that never happened.

As you scrambled for a place to find shelter, dark storm clouds rolled in, bringing a late fall storm. The trees all shades of burnt sienna and burgundy as their leaves fell to the ground, leaving the smell of their decay lingering in the air. It was a comfort to you. You’d always been a fall type of person and being out here in Wyoming, it was almost magical. You adored the whip of the wind across your skin as the air became colder, a few drops of rain kissing your cheeks. In the distance, you could see a small shack, clearly (hopefully) abandoned. You trudged on forth, minding the ache in your knees. You’d been walking for a while now, and you definitely weren’t 22 anymore.  

As the shack came into a better view, the rain began falling harder. You picked up speed, not wanting to be completely soaked and thankfully mother nature allowed you to reach your destination before it really pelted down. Once inside you looked around and no surprise, it was empty. It was a small, dusty home. Only having a living area, kitchen and bathroom with a bedroom off to the side. You sat your backpack and rifle on the couch as you sat next to it, reclining and stretching into the cushion. You were so comfortable as you listened to the rain patter against the roof. The room was dark and cold, you couldn’t help but close your eyes and drift off for a bit.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but when you woke up it was still raining. You stretched, shaking off any remaining drowsiness but when you went to reach for your backpack a gun cocked at the back of your head. You froze, raising your hands in compliance.

“Stay fucking still.” The voice said. You blinked, annoyed with yourself that you let your guard down. “Don’t plan on going anywhere.” You retorted.

You sat there a few moments before another voice spoke, “Hey, kid! What are you doing?” The gun’s nozzle stayed firmly planted against your skull, “She was in here asleep! I was getting the upper hand!” The other person came up to your assailant and pushed the gun away before stepping in front of you, hand at her gun on her hip.

“Who are you?” She asked. She was average height, darker skin tone and had these beautiful braids in her hair. She seemed a bit younger than you but had to have been in her mid to late thirties.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m just passing by.” You sighed, not really in the mood for an interrogation. I mean, you’d just woken up.

“Why are you in the area?” she asked, probing further. The other person, a young girl, went to stand next to her, eyes locked tightly onto you. Did you really come off as that threatening? The girl had to have been 13-14 no older than that. Maybe 15. You couldn’t really tell.  

“I told you. Just passing by.”  

“Maria, she doesn’t really look like much of a threat...” The younger girl hushed. The older woman, now known as Maria, sighed. “What’s your name?”  

“If I tell you, will you let me leave?” You asked, your annoyance increasing.

“It’s pouring still. You want to leave in the middle of a storm?” The younger one remarked.

You sighed, “It’s ___. My name is ___. I don’t have any intention of hurting or robbing or killing any of you. Just needed a place to stay while it rained. Is this your place? I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Maria shook her head. “No, it’s not. We were out on a hunt and it started pouring. Saw this place and had the same idea as you, I suppose.” Maria relaxed, removing her hand from her hip and settling down on a chair opposite from you. “I’m Maria. This is Ellie.”  

Ellie scoffed, “Maria! We could have used fake names!” You smiled softly, loving the kick-back. Maria just shrugged, relaxing further into her chair. “Where you from, ___?”  

Your eyebrow quirked as you thought of an answer, “Good question. Kind of everywhere. Midwest originally. Stayed in the Chicago QZ after the outbreak. Didn’t last long. Been traveling since.” Which was mostly true. You were in Texas of course for a while, and there had been groups you stayed with since the QZ fell, but none of them worked out in the end.

“Why Wyoming now?” She pondered.

“Well, just kind of found myself here. Was with a few people and that ended. Now? Well...”

“What happened to them?” Ellie asked.

“Doesn’t matter. Looks like the rain is letting up. Am I free to go?”  

Maria sighed as she hesitated for a moment. Ellie watched her intently not quite sure where she was going. After some time, Maria spoke. “Alright. You can go if you’d like. Want to follow us though? We have a town a bit north from here. Could set you up a place to stay for a few nights, get you some food, a shower...?”

“A shower?” You asked incredulously. It’d been so long since you’d had a proper bath and you knew you needed one desperately.

She chuckled, nodding.  

“A hot shower too!” Ellie chimed in.

You hesitated a moment, weighing your options. One, you could go and have an amazing shower and meal and sleep in a safe place... maybe even on a bed. Or two, it was a trap and they were going to sell you off or maybe even kill you and cook you. If it were the latter, they probably would have killed you by now, so you decided. Fuck it.

“You have a deal.”

You followed Maria and Ellie a few miles until a rather large town came into view. You could see the area had power as the sun had begun to set. Lights twinkled throughout the homes and your heart almost got caught in your throat. “You guys have electricity?”  

Maria nodded, “Yep. We have a dam nearby that give us power and stuff.”

You all walked a bit more before finally reaching the town. It was massive considering things. As you approached the guarded gate, you could hear people chattering and kids laughing. What were you about to get yourself into?  

Maria raised her hand at the guard who stood at his post, signaling for them to open the gate. As they did, a man rushed to Maria’s side pulling her into a tight hug. You didn’t pay much attention to it as you peered into the town, eyes wide.

“Where have you been? It’s been hours! I was worried sick!” He spoke. Maria rolled her eyes, “I don’t know if you knew this but it was raining cats and dogs about an hour ago? Ellie and I found a little shack and waited it out. We found her too.” She said, pointing towards you.

Your attention was brought back to Maria and as you looked to the man in front of her, your eyes widened even further. His face matched yours as you both stared at each other.

“T-Tommy...? No fucking way.” You stood there like you’d seen a ghost. Tears pricked your eyes and you blinked them away immediately, scared that if you looked away, he’d disappear. Tommy rushed to you, pulling you into a tight hug, squeezing the air out of your lungs. You clung back to him, letting the tears fall freely.  

“___… I can’t believe it.” He breathed into the side of your head, bringing his hand up to your hair.

“I’m guessing you know each other?” Ellie asked.

The two of you embraced a moment longer before he let go of you, keeping you at arm's length. “What... where... I can’t even formulate a sentence right now.” He said, tears of his own stinging the corners of his eyes. You laughed, biting back more tears that dared to spill, “I’m in the same boat, Miller. It’s been so long.”

Your heart was pounding as you reunited with your former friend, just stuck in a  state of shock that after all these years, you’d run into someone like Tommy Miller. What are the odds?

“This your place, Tommy?”

He nodded, “Yeah, Maria and I oversee things for the most part. Come on, let’s get some food in ya.”

You followed Tommy, Maria, and Ellie through the town until you reached the mess hall in the middle of it. As you walked through the streets, people greeted Tommy and Maria. They were doing their duties or relaxed on their porches, enjoying their space. Enjoying their life. Their guards totally let down. It was a sight to see. Children played with each other, splashing in the fresh rain puddles and chasing each other down in a game of tag. It was almost unreal.

The four of you entered the mess hall, the smell of fresh cooked food entering your nostrils. You’d been living off canned beans and peas for the past few weeks so your stomach was instantly rumbling. Tommy sat you at a table while he went and grabbed you a bowl of chili and bread. You could have cried as you ate your first bite; it was hot and fresh. “Is it good?” he laughed. All you could do was nod, stuffing your mouth with another spoonful.

After you ate, Tommy and you caught up to date as best as you could. Ellie and Maria had wandered off somewhere else leaving the two of you to yourselves. “So, you and Maria?” Tommy smiled, “Yeah. Couple years now. Even married her.”  

Your eyes widened, smiling at your longtime friend, “No shit! Wow, who would have thought Tommy Miller to be married.”  

He laughed, “Yeah, yeah. Such a shock, is it now?” You just laughed back, looking down at your empty bowl.

“What about you? Anyone special over the years?”  

You rolled your eyes jokingly, “Maybe a few here and there. Nothing serious though.”

“Don’t know why. You’re still a looker.” He poked.

“There’s the Tommy I know and love.” You grinned, pushing his shoulder playfully, “Not everyone has the luxury of living in a town like this one and meeting the love of their life.”  

Tommy leaned back in his chair, agreeing with you. “Well, maybe it’s sudden but you know how I am. You know you have a place here with us. We’ll set you up with a lil’ house. Get you on the board for some jobs. Wasn’t a doubt in my mind when I seen you out there that I was gonna let you leave again.”

“You gonna hold me hostage, Tommy?” You laughed.

“Might have to.”

You’d be a fool to pass it up, you knew it. But you were nervous. How could you adjust to a life of ‘normalcy’ after being essentially feral for so many years.

“Mind if I think on it a bit?” Tommy shook his head, “Take all the time you need. In the meantime, I got someone you might want to see.”

Your eyebrows knitted together in thought. Who could he have been talking about? And then it hit you. In the excitement of everything that had been happening in the last couple of hours, you hadn’t even considered the idea that Joel could be there. Your heart started pounding in your chest again, butterflies swarming in your stomach as the thought of seeing him entered your mind. You’d convinced yourself that he’d died years ago. That both him and Tommy had died and Tommy was in fact here before you. It’s been 20 years and the idea of seeing Joel Miller still sent you spiraling. “He isn’t…” you began. Tommy smiled at you as he radioed someone over the talkie, “Anyone got eyes on Joel?”  

Your heart hammered so hard Tommy could probably hear it. He had to have been pulling your leg. You started becoming self-conscious. You hadn’t showered in weeks, you were grimy, you had aged. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself because when was the last time you’d had to worry about that?

“He just got in from patrol, you need him?” A man said on the other side of the radio.

“Yeah, send him to the mess. Got someone he needs to see.”

“Roger that.”

Tommy made small talk while you both waited for Joel to arrive. You couldn’t process anything though. You were suddenly so nervous. How was he going to react? Would he be just so happy and cry? Yeah right, that was so anti-Joel it was laughable. Would he just be nonchalant? Like, wow. Been a while. Nice to see you. You couldn’t even predict it. Tommy could sense you were anxious and placed a hand on your shoulder to calm you down. “Hey… it’s Joel. You know him. No need to be nervous.”

He was right. You did know him. But the keyword was did. You knew him 20 years ago. You’ve changed since then so of course he’s changed as well. What if he didn’t even remember you? God, you’d be so embarrassed. “Y-You’re right. I’m just in my head I guess.”

“Well get out of it. I think you’ll be surprised. Want a drink?” He offered.

“God, yes. What do you have?”

“Well,” he began “probably don’t got those fruity little drinks you used to like but I can sure get you a glass of whiskey.”

You laughed, exhaling a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, “Okay. Whatever you got.”

Tommy returned with the drink quickly. You downed it as soon as it hit the table, the whiskey burned the back of your throat and chest as it went down.

“Still can’t shoot whiskey, huh?” Tommy teased. Your face scrunched up into a look of disgust, “Fuck, guess not. That’s awful.”  

Tommy opened his mouth to say something but was distracted by the mess doors opening. There he was. Joel Miller in all his glory. Tommy walked up to the man, patting him on the back before striking up a conversation. You were out of earshot so you couldn’t hear anything but you weren’t sure you wanted to. If you were anxious before, you didn’t even know what to call how you felt right now. You felt like you could throw up on the spot, but maybe that was the whiskey talking. He was the same. A bit aged, but still Joel. His hair was grayer, bit longer too. Still scraggly, but it’s always suited him. Maybe he was a bit more muscular but you couldn’t exactly tell cause of all the layers he had on. You stirred in your seat as your heartbeat went a thousand miles per minute. He was here, and he was alive.

Tommy led Joel over to the bar and poured him a glass of amber liquid, maybe in a way to prepare him. Joel took a sip, not noticing that his brother had signaled you over. You stood from your chair, stomach in your ass as you made your way over to them. Nothing could prepare you for this. You had half a mind to run out and never look back. But your heart yearned for him, even if it were just to be in his presence, even just to say ‘Hi’.  

You reached both men, standing at the chair behind Joel who had his back facing you.  

After a moment of you trying to talk yourself up, you spoke. “I’ll have another one, Tommy.” You said, sliding your glass over to him. Joel turned around, finally aware of your presence. His eyes scanned up your body until they met your face.  

A chill ran up Joel’s spine as he heard a voice ask for another drink. It was a voice he knew all too well. One he hadn’t heard in 20 years, besides in his dreams. His eyes met yours for a moment, until you turned away under his gaze. No words were said and honestly you didn’t feel like they needed to be. He stood from his chair and faced you fully, eyes shimmering behind the tired look on his face. Almost like he was renewed.  

“Hi, Joel.” You managed to get out, your words finally finding you again. Confidence found you too as you looked the man in the eye. He sputtered a moment, not quite sure what to say before he decided nothing was best. He wrapped his big arms around your frame, pulling you in for a hug that was even tighter than Tommy’s. You hugged back, gripping to the back of his flannel. He smelled the same with just a hint of something new. That warm, musky Joel smell that reminded you of cedar and whiskey with the added sent of pine. You could have gotten drunk off it. Not in a million lifetimes could you have imagined the day would come where you were reunited with him. You had to have been dreaming. More tears spilled and you cursed yourself, tired of all the waterworks.

Joel held on to you for what seemed like an eternity. You didn’t mind at all. In fact, you welcomed it. It’d been too long since you’d been touched in general you hadn’t realized how much you’d been craving something like this, let alone from him.

“I’ll give the two of you a moment.” Tommy said, knocking on the bar and walking over to Ellie who was coincidentally walking up to you all and pulling her away with him, “Oh c’mon, Tommy!” She yelped.

Joel finally pulled away, but still keeping you at bay, “I don’t... I don’t understand. Where did you come from?” He was breathless. He kept thinking it was a dream, you being here. He didn’t want to wake up.

“Well, that’s a long story,” You laughed, “Most recently from Colorado. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t even know how we’re both here to be honest.”

Joel smiled down to you, his grip tightening, “It’s kind of unreal, right? I kind of.... thought-”

“That I died? Trust me, when I saw Tommy, it was like I’d seen a ghost.” You recalled, eyes softening as it really hit you that Joel was here in front of you. Unchanged, just slightly grayer.

“I-I looked for you... For years. I kind of went mad about it for a while. So much happened that night.” His face twisting into a look of discomfort as he remembered the night things started.  

The two of you sat and spoke for hours, catching up on everything. Joel told you about Sarah and how Tommy stopped that soldier. You cried when he spoke about her; he teared up too. You told him about Holly and how she’d been taken that night. How you looked after RJ until he got sick one winter when he was 8. He didn’t make it either. He told you about the Boston QZ and people he’d met along the way. How he met Ellie and how that went down. You did the same. A lot was similar in the way you lost people, and a lot was different. 

At some point during the conversation, Joel reached over the table and took your hands into his. You couldn’t even imagine pulling them away. By the time you caught each other up to speed, the clock above the mess door said it was nearly one in the morning. At this point, it was only you and Joel in the room. It was so strange to you how 20, almost 21 years had passed and it was like you’d talked to him yesterday. You both fell so naturally in line with each other, you had no idea why you were so nervous to begin with. The two of you sat in silence while Joel rubbed circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. You hadn’t felt this kind of comfort in so long, you didn’t want it to end.

Suddenly, the doors burst open to reveal an irritated Ellie and an exasperated Tommy. “Joel, you have all day tomorrow to catch up. You promised me you’d teach me that dumb song on your guitar.” she said, throwing her body down on the chair next to Joel.  

“I’m sorry, we tried everything in our power to keep her entertained. You know how she is about her Joel.” Tommy joked, pushing Ellie’s head forward slightly.

Ellie scoffed, “Yeah, right. This old man? I’m just making sure he makes good of his promise.”  

“You know I always do. But, she’s right. It is gettin' late. I’m sure you gotta be tired.” Joel said, looking over at you. You nodded, finally paying attention to how exhausted your body was.

“Yeah, I am. I’ll give you Joel back, Ellie.” You said smiling to her, “Tommy, you said you got a place I can stay a while?” He nodded, beckoning you with his hand to follow him. You went to follow him but not before Joel grabbed your wrist, stopping you from going any further.

“Promise we’ll talk tomorrow?” His eyes searching yours for something you weren’t sure of.

“’Course. I’m not going anywhere.” Your answer seemed to satisfy him as he gently let go of your wrist and stood. “Alright.”

The next few days flew by. You’d gotten cozy in your tiny home. Which really wasn’t so tiny. Two bedrooms, a working bathroom and kitchen. You could have died there you loved it so much. Tommy had taken you to the pantry to get some essentials stocked up in your house. They gave you a few days to settle in before getting your answer on if you’d be staying long term. Which, of course you were. You saw Joel and Ellie every day. She was always in tow behind him which you thought was the cutest thing ever. She’d been growing on you and you hoped you were growing on her as well. She acted tough at first, almost like she wasn’t interested in getting to know you, which Joel told you she’d come around. You really hoped for that. And you succeeded. 

It seemed like Joel made up any excuse to see you throughout the day. Literally the most mundane things, and there he was. Knocking on that red front door of yours.

“Tommy told me the sink has been leaking. Figured I’d come take a look at it.”

“Actually, the sink has been doing just fine.”

“Oh, well. Maybe I should take a look anyways.”

Or, “I made an extra sandwich. PB&J. Ellie said she didn’t want it. I figured we could have lunch together.”

“Oh, I actually just made some eggs. Also, aren’t you on patrol today?” He pouted, “Oh, yeah. I have a lunch break though. It’s alright if you don’t want it. Jus’ thought I’d ask.”

“... a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds pretty good right now.”

And even, “Hey, Maria said they’re playing that one movie you liked at town hall tonight. The one with the green guy and the donkey?”

“Shrek?”

“Uh, yeah. I think so. Want to go watch it me? Or, uh... I mean, Ellie and I?”

“Sure, Joel. I’d love to.”

It was so funny to you. But you loved it. It was so in character for him to beat around the bush or to just make the little excuses to see you or hang out with you without just plain saying “Let’s do something.” You’d come to realize Joel really hadn’t changed much at all in the decades you’d been apart from him. At least, in the ways he’d been showing you. You also realized maybe you hadn’t changed much either over the years. You found yourself falling into ‘normalcy’ easily. You lived for the moments where Ellie would come over and ask you to have dinner with them. Or the little excuses Joel made up to see you. It filled your heart in ways you weren’t even aware of. You were excited to wake up each day, knowing you were with people. Maybe even your people.  

Days turned into weeks and you’d even been assigned work at the preschool during the day. Sometimes you’d take shifts at the mess halls bar, serving drinks to the men and women in the town. You figured it was a good way to make friends. Joel and Ellie always sat at a table near the bar when you'd work with the excuse of keeping you company. Not that you minded, at all.  

One night, a few months after settling in Jackson, you called Ellie over to the bar, “Hey, come here. Wanna teach you something.” Ellie pointed to herself making sure you were talking to her to which you nodded, smiling to her.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“Wanna learn how to make a drink?” You offered. Ellie’s eyes lit up and she agreed eagerly, “Um, yeah, duh! What drink?”

“Well, let’s see what we got. Not much to work with but here,” You said handing her the glass, “Put some ice in it, and fill it up to here with this.”

You handed Ellie the bottle of bourbon on the shelf behind you. She opened the bottle and filled the glass halfway, eyeballing it to exactly where you had pointed. “Hmm, how about we top it off with this?” It was an almost empty bottle of ginger ale. She followed your instructions, filling the glass to the brim. “Okay, now take this spoon, put it at the top of the cup and slam it to the bottom.”  

Ellie looked at you with her eyebrows quirked, “Slam it? But why?”  

You laughed, “Just do it. Trust me.”

Ellie tilted her head, unsure, but did it anyways. She slammed the spoon down, causing the glass to fizz up, nearly spilling over the edge. “Oh shit... Can I drink it now?”  She asked eagerly.  

You laughed again, now tilting your head as you thought a moment, “Well, not too sure about that one, Ellie. Why don’t you go ask your dad?”

Ellie grabbed the glass and carefully walked over to the table Joel was sitting at. You watched from a distance as she asked the older man if she could drink her creation. Joel looked over to you and gave you that look, you mouthed a sorry and stifled a giggle. “Not today, kiddo. Try again when you’re older.”

“Oh, c’mon, Joelllll. I can’t even have a sip?” She whined. It was endearing.

You watched as the two of them went back and forth, arguing over the drink and who was going to drink it. You smiled to yourself. The moment felt so... domestic. You didn’t know what to think of it. But by the way your heartbeat picked up, you figured you might have liked it.

You were cleaning glasses and organizing the liquor when a couple of men sat at the bar, and removed the hats off their heads. “Back from a late patrol, boys?” You asked, placing cups in front of them and pouring some whiskey into it.

“Yes, ma’am. Not much out there when it’s ‘bout 10 degrees and snowing.” One of them said. He was a regular. Here at the bar every Thursday and Friday. Maybe Sunday’s. You’d picked up from his friend that his name was Luke. He was younger. Probably about 25, maybe 26. His friend, who you learned was named James was a bit older. Mid-thirties, married, had two kids. They were both nice, however, James was a flirt despite being wed. Luke tried but he was pretty inexperienced. Both alright looking though, the younger being taller and thin, blond hair and blue eyes. The older one was shorter in stature, bit thicker, with darker hair and green eyes. If you were honest, you weren’t the biggest fan of James, but a you remained cordial.

“It is a chilly one out there,” James began, “Luke needs someone to keep him warm at night. You’re single, aren’t ya, ___?” He said, smiling. His grin somehow gave you bad vibes, but you smiled back nonetheless.  

“I am. But I'm not looking right now. Sorry, Luke. I’m old enough to be your mom!” You laughed, finishing up wiping a couple of glasses and setting them in a tray under the bar. “Barely! Maybe if you were a teen mom or something.” He retorted. You just smiled and went about your business.  

A little while later after a few more people came and drank, it was almost time to call it a night. You peaked behind the people finishing up their drinks and sure enough, Joel was still there, with a book, listening to the random music that played on the stereo. You bit your lip, hiding the smile that adorned it. He was always there.

“All I’m saying is that, if I weren’t married, I’d be all up on that! Luke, c’mon she’s a single cougar. Get your head in the game.” You overheard James's whispering to the younger man next to him. James sighed, “I don’t know, James. She’s been seen with that Miller guy. Not Tommy but the other one. He’s scary. Heard he’s killed a bunch’a guys.”  

“Oh, come on. He’s not that bad. Just an old dude. Plus look at her. She’s fucking worth it, man. The ass she has on her? God, and those tits.” James continued.

You mentally scoffed. You figured he was a slime ball but this was just flat out gross. Thank God the mess hall was closing soon because you were about ready to give the man a piece of your mind. Suddenly, James said something, attempting to get your attention but you pretended not to hear.

“Helloooo! I said can Luke get another drink here?” He repeated himself.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll pour you one more but we gotta close up soon.” You replied, filling Luke’s glass once more.

“Jesus, Luke. You see that? Dumb and hot. I bet you could convince her to get in bed with you.” This was your last straw. You get they’d been drinking but they clearly lacked common sense. You turned to the sleazy drunk, ready to tear him a new one but it turned out you didn’t need to. You stood there; arms crossed waiting for whatever was going to happen next.

“What’sa matter, baby? Suddenly want a piece of what Jamesy-boy has to offer? Got enough to go around!” Your eyes rolled as he tried again, digging himself a further hole.

“Don’t think she likes what you’re offering her, Jamesy-boy.” Joel said behind him, placing both of his hands on either of James shoulders. Luke’s eyes widened at what was happening, or at least about to. He had some decency to know what James was saying was wrong, but he lacked the balls to say something about it.

“Wha-What... How would you know what she likes and doesn’t? How dare you come up and put your hands on m-” James bit his tongue when he turned around to see a seething Joel behind him.  

“Wanna repeat what you were about to say?” Joel asked, leaning down into the man's face. James shook his head quickly, struggling to move from his seat as he was so frightened.

“If I see or hear you talking to her again, hell, even lookin’ at her, I’ll mess you up so bad, your wife won’t even want what ‘Jamesy-boy' has to offer. Y’hear me?” Your eyes widened at Joel’s threats and you couldn’t help but like what he was saying. His words turned in your stomach as you felt the heat build there and further down. Only God knew what that said about you.

James nodded, trying to slip past Joel. Luke got up as well, ready to follow his friend out. “I didn’t hear you say it. Out loud, now.”  

“I-I won’t talk or look at her again. S-Sorry about that.” He stuttered.

“Good. Don’t apologize to me though.” Joel said, signaling over to you.  

“I’m sorry, ___. It-It won’t happen again.” You nodded, acknowledging him, waving him away.

The two of them scurried away like the rats they were. Good riddance. You looked at Joel who was now sitting at the bar. “Jesus, Joel...”

He scoffed, “What? Was that not okay? He was harrassin-”

“I think you’ve gotten softer in your old age.” You chimed in. Joel stared at you, confused as to what the hell you were talking about.

“Excuse me?” He asked. “I told him I’d beat him so bad he’d be disfigured and that was soft?”

You laughed, finishing up the last of the cleaning before close. “Yeah. The old Joel I knew would deck a guy for saying something to me.”

Joel sat there a moment as he recalled the night at the bar where he broke a man's jaw for calling you a slut. He smiled lightly, “That’s right. You’re right... maybe I have gotten soft.”

Your eyes rolled as you grabbed your winter jacket and throwing it on, “Come on, softie. Walk me home.”

Joel obliged, getting up from his seat and following you out of the mess hall. The two of you walked into the frigid air, almost instantly shivering from the lack of warmth the place provided you. The sun had set a long time ago, leaving the milky blue hues of the night appear next to the luminescence of the moon. It was a sight. You stared up at the floating rock in the sky, entranced by its beauty. If everything in this world has changed, the moon stayed the same. You were a big fan. You were so engrossed in the way the moonlight shined; you had no clue someone was doing the same but to you. Joel walked with you, paying no mind to the road ahead of him. His eyes were on your frame, on the swell of your breasts, on your lips. He noted how your irises twinkled as you peered up to sky. It caused a lump to form in his throat, his heart rate picking up as he tried to swallow it down.

“Hey, Joel?” You asked suddenly, his gaze quickly leaving you as you looked to him.

“Yeah? What’s up?” He replied, clearing his throat.

“Back there… in the mess. I could have handled that myself.”

Joel was taken aback for a moment before chuckling softly, “Oh, darlin’ I know. He should have been more scared of what you were gonna do to him instead of me.”

You laughed back, nudging Joel on the shoulder with your own, “I mean it! I would have tore him apart had you not been there.”

Joel smiled, “I know, I know. Maybe I just wanted some points in my favor with you. Make me look cooler, maybe make you like me more.” He continued.

You looked at him with a confused face, “Like you more? Joel, I’m not sure if that’s even possible. I think I like you too much.” Your nerves started getting the better of you as you realized what you’d just said. Joel’s eyes widened but only for a second. He started slowing his steps down as he turned to you, “Like me too much, huh?”

“Just forget I said it.” You piped in quickly, trying to back track.

“Don’t think I can do that, darlin’.” Joel said, stopping you from going any further. He wrapped his calloused hand around your wrist, lightly pulling you to him. Your eyes softened as you looked up to the man, your cheeks reddening under the yellow-toned streetlight the two of you stood under. You wanted to look away. You didn’t want Joel to see the way he so easily made you blush. “Stop hiding from me. You look so pretty, tonight. You always do.” Joel placed his free hand under your jaw, leading your eyes to meet his.  

“Why can’t you forget I said anything?” You hushed, entranced in the way he was looking at you. Like you were the most precious thing in the world. He just laughed, bringing his hand from your wrist to the other side of your face. “Don’t want to. Think I might like you too much, too.”

You smiled, heart racing, stomach flipping; everything. You brought your hands up to Joel’s jacket, running over the wrinkles until you hit his neck and kept them there. Snowflakes began to litter from the sky and danced around the two of you, melting as soon as they hit your bodies. “Well, Joel Miller. If you like me so much, why don’t you kiss me?”

“Can I?” he asked softly, nudging his nose with yours as he closed the space between you. All you could do was nod as your words failed. That’s all he needed before his lips were on yours. His soft lips met yours, only a little chapped. You moved with him as he kissed you, one of his hands wrapping around the back of your neck while the other fell to the nape of your spine. Your own hands wrapping around his neck and lacing through the bottom of his hair. You both stood there for what felt like forever, just enjoying the embrace. At one point Joel nipped the bottom of your lip, asking for an entrance. Your tongues moved and intertwined with each other as Joel deepened it even more. You didn’t want to break away as you were quite literally seeing stars and hearing fireworks but Joel stepped away first. “We-We need to stop, baby girl.” He said breathlessly.

“Why? I want to kiss you more.” You insisted, moving your head to kiss him again.

Joel grinned, pecking you again lightly once, twice, maybe a third time. “Trust me. I need to kiss you more. But not here.” You agreed with him as you pulled him further down the street. It was a straight shot to your house when suddenly Joel stopped again.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

He hesitated, his face etched in concern. “You’re not gonna regret taking me home with you, are you?”  

Your eyebrows pulled together as you looked at him like he’d said something ridiculous, because it was. “Joel, do you think I’d regret it?”

He hesitated, unsure of himself, “Don’t know... ‘S why I’m asking you. Don’t want you mixed up with the ‘crazy old guy’.”

You paused a moment, almost laughing at how silly it was. You walked right back up to Joel, placing both of your hands on his cheeks a pulled him into you, kissing him once again. It was full of intensity. You wanted to show Joel just how badly you wanted him, crazy or not. Hell, you were old too. Joel fell naturally into it, wrapping his arms around your body. He chased your lips like he was addicted. It sent you soaring. After a moment, you pulled away, “Come on. Take me to bed.”  

Joel placed his forehead against yours, holding you to his body. You could hear the heavy, desperate breaths coming from him like he was wagering with himself. Joel cupped your face once again, his lips ghosting over yours before whispering, “Let’s go.”

The trip to your bedroom was hazy. You were so out of your mind with want for this man you were shaking. As soon as you both entered your room and the door was shut, Joel was at you. He shed you of the thick winter jacket you had on and the fleece sweater under that. You did the same to him, pushing off his coat and flannel in one go. Your lips met fiercely, your hands running up his chest to his neck, pulling him closer. You wanted to be engulfed in him in every way. It scared you a bit at how much you wanted him in this moment, how much you needed him. You shivered at the lack of clothing as Joel pulled your jeans down, leaving you in your bra and underwear. He stepped away but only for a moment as he discarded his shirt and worked on his pants. His eyes ever left your body. His breath grew heavy again, watching the way his chest puffed up and down. You could see the strain of his length, begging to be released as he stepped out of his own pants and returned to your body.  

Joel kissed from your clavicle to your neck, biting and sucking as he saw fit. You moaned as you wrapped your arms around him, scratching his back lightly. He grunted, shuddering from the pain as it turned into pleasure. Joel grinded against you, his erection poking your belly. Your hand flew down to it, rubbing him through the fabric of his boxers. He sighed, kissing up your jaw to your mouth as he fucked into your hand. “f-fuck, baby girl. You’re drivin’ me insane.” He stuttered, his hands at your panties as he slid them down. He left them just below your ass, gripping your cheeks and kneading them in his large hands. You moaned again, your own hand slipping into his underwear as you continued your ministries. His cock was already slick with precum. God, he was so needy for you. Never in his life had he had a desire this intense. Both your bodies felt like fire as your fingertips danced over the expanse of each other’s skin.  

You were just as desperate. You could feel the wetness drip from your folds on to where your underwear sat, your swollen bud just aching to be played with. It’s like Joel could sense that, as one of his hands left your ass and dipped inside of you. He circled your clit slowly at first which you could have cried at. You needed more. You bucked your hips into his hand and he got the hint, picking up his speed. You both stood there at the side of your bed, getting each other off. Both moaning into each other’s mouth, licking up his jaw as he did to yours.

“Baby, need to be inside of you. F-fuck, I’m goin’ crazy.” He breathed; his breath muted as he spoke against your lips. You were already so close from Joel working so hard on your clit, but you knew coming around his cock would be way more gratifying. You nodded, separating yourself from him as you shucked your bra off and climbed on to your mattress, minding the way you wiggled your behind ever-so-slightly to which Joel moaned out loud at. Joel rid himself from his boxers and climbed over to you, hovering over your body as he pecked hot, open-mouthed kisses up your body.

“You’re so f-fucking beautiful.” He spoke, eyes on you. Your own eyes rolled as you wrapped your hands around his neck pulling him in for another kiss.

“Quit buttering me up, Miller.” You sighed, licking a strip up his tongue. Joel’s grip on your waist tightened. He was so hard it was beginning to hurt. “Not doing no such thing, darlin’. You’re so fuckin’ pretty. Look at how hard you get me. Been doing this to me a while now. Just lookin’ at you, I could cum.” His words went straight into your heat as you clenched around nothing. You needed him in you or you’d quite literally die.  

“Oh yeah? How long you been touching yourself to me?” You asked, your hand returning to his cock as you lined him up at your entrance. Joel slid his leaking tip in between your folds, running it up to your clit, rubbing there for a moment.  

He laughed softly, “Long time, baby girl. Here and there before. But now that you’re here with me again; it’s almost every night.” Your back arched at his confession. There’d been many nights you’d lay awake since you moved to Jackson. Your mind thinking of the events of the day, but they’d always end up on Joel. They way he’d sip from his glass of whiskey, or bourbon. The way he’d come into the mess hall after a patrol, always a little disheveled and sweaty. Or the way he was always so intense with you, never looking away when you spoke, when you laughed. How he’d always find a way to have a hand on you, just to be as close as possible.  

“Joel, put it in, fuck- all the way. Please fuck me.” You begged, your legs wrapping around his waist.

“You ready for me, sweetheart?” He asked, teasing your needy hole with his tip, pushing it in slowly. You nodded, lips back on his. Joel pushed himself in easily. You were beyond ready for him. He gasped at the sensation. He loved the feeling of his cock being swallowed up by you. He looked down at your cunt as he bottomed out, moaning at the sight.  

“Jesus... you take me so well. Y’always have. Like you were made for me.”  

His words sent you spiraling, your eyes rolling back as you felt his fat cock fill you up. He started at a slower pace that was still intense. His lips on yours as he kissed into your open mouth. You couldn’t help the moans and sighs that escaped your reddened, plump lips, abused from Joel’s own. Joel pumped into you, your slick mixing with his as you both created a symphony of wispy moans and slaps against each other’s skin. It was fucking beautiful. His hand pushed the stray hairs away from your face as he picked up speed, thrusting into you as the claps became louder. “Yes-s, take it. Let me see that pretty face of yours. So fucked out ‘cause of me.”

You loved how vocal he was. It was a driving force as he slammed into you, on the edge of his high. You were right behind him, the coil in the pit of your stomach on the verge of snapping. Joel’s thumb worked on your swollen bud again, circling quickly as he wanted you to come with him.  

“Joel I-I'm so close, fuck!” You cried out, your arm thrown over your eyes as he rutted into you.

“Move that arm of yours, wanna see you when you come for me.” You obeyed, your arms wrapping back around his neck pulling him down to you. Joel kept his pace steady, and with a few more flicks of his thumb, you were unraveling. Your hand flew to his hair, gripping it as you moaned, calling out his name. Joel felt your cunt tighten around him, gripping him to you. “Yes, fuck, take it! ’s all yours, baby. Always yours.” His pace slowed; you felt the hot ropes of cum filling any leftover space inside you, coating you. Tears pricked your eyes as he continued the remainder of his thrusting, everything becoming too much.  

Joel’s softened dick slid out of you and was replaced by two of his long fingers, “Don’t want you to waste a drop. Keep it all in, baby doll.”  

Your eyes closed; body enamored with pleasure as your legs shook from the af effects of your orgasm. Joel collapsed on to you, pecking your chest and neck with more kisses and love bites. His hands found their way up to your hair and weaved into it. He wanted you close, but you weren’t going anywhere.

The room was quiet besides the sounds of both yours and Joel’s labored breaths. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears as you basked in the comfortable silence. It was a while before either of you spoke. You actually thought Joel had fallen asleep which sucked, cause while you loved him being on top of you, he was getting heavy.

“Do you regret it?”  He spoke suddenly.

You pushed yourself up onto your elbows as you peered down to the older man on you. You looked at him incredulously, like you’d been shocked. “Regret what we just did?” He nodded slowly, eyes on yours.

“Joel,” You began, fully sitting up as you pulled him with you, “Why would you even ask that?”

“I just... Dunno. Just feel like you could do better than an old, crazy guy. Lots of guys ‘round here dying to have you even look at ‘em.”

You sighed, your shoulders slumping. Your hand reached out to Joel’s face, petting the grayed scruff on his jaw. You took some time to figure out how to say exactly what you were feeling, even then it was hard to explain. “If you think that, genuinely; You really must be an old, crazy man.” You laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“I don’t think you realize that I am absolutely in love with you, Joel Miller.” Joel’s breath hitched as his eyes widened slightly. His heartrate picked back up. He really wasn’t expecting to hear that.  

“Not Luke. Not James. No one else. Ever. I get that might be a lot to place on you so sudd-”

Before you could even end your sentence, Joel’s lips were on yours again. He kissed you so deeply, so passionately, that you could have exploded. Your body was so warm even with the bite of the negative temperatures outside. He pulled you on to his lap and just... held you. He held you so delicately, like you’d break with any amount of pressure. After a moment, he broke away and maybe you were just seeing things, but you could have sworn you saw a little tear drop, threatening to fall. Your eyes glazed over, tears of your own beckoning an appearance. You truly were just so in love with him, it was crazy. You’d only been reunited a few months back but, it was as if you’d spent the last 21 years with him. It felt as though no time was spent apart at all. Things between you just worked so naturally and flowed so well. Like you were made for him, just as he said. And as though he were made for you.

Another comfortable silence lingered in the air. You both just genuinely enjoyed the presence of one another. Joels hands rested at your waist, one them made its way to your back, rubbing small circles on to your skin. His head fell into you, resting just above your breast as he breathed you in. Your own hand had moved to his hair, scratching his head lightly.

Joel sucked in a big breath of air before speaking, “Don’t think I’ve heard those words in a couple’a decades.” You nodded along with him. It’d been a long time for you too. Joel looked up to you, too comfortable to move any further. His eyes glimmered as he looked into yours. It was as if you held the universe within those orbs of yours. He couldn’t look away.

“I am absolutely in love with you too, my sweet girl.” Now it was your turn to be surprised even if you weren’t really. Not like you’d been expecting him to say it, but it was still something. You couldn’t help but smile as a tear fell. You didn’t want to cry, not at all. But you couldn’t help it. Your body swelled with emotion as every cavity of you filled with love and admiration for this worn-down man in front of you. Both of you changed in so many ways, some for the better, maybe some for worse. But when you really looked at it, not so much was different. He was still Joel Miller, and he was yours.  

“Good.” Was all you could say as more tears threatened to fall.

Joel smiled, a small laugh escaping his lips. “Good.”

taglist: @paleidiot, @aestheticangel612​

i hope u all like this part! soft joel is my absolute weakness and i love writing him. i think i might take some requests so if anyone has any ideas for Joel Miller or even Din Djarin :o i’d be glad to see them! also lemme know if anyone else would like to be added to a taglist <3

likes and reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed <3

[v3nusxsky]

Can you do a reader and Larissa fic, where reader feels left out because Larissa is always on her phone or not paying attention to reader, so reader doesn't feel important or special. Like reader not eating as much and staying in their office all the time working to get the thought of being left out numbed by paperwork and crying while doing it. And Larissa realizes that she hasn't paid much attention to reader or devoted her time to reader. And Larissa takes the week off to make time for reader and devote her time to reader all week. Make up smut for the loss of attention that is soft? This is how I'm feeling rn. You don't have to do this request if it's too much. I love your content and your work. Keep it up I'm proud of you.

Time for us 18+

*Authors note~ some smut my requests are slowly becoming manageable again. *

Trigger warnings~dom l sub r soft smut sensual smut feeling abandoned and ignored praise body worshiping oral (r receiving)

Prompt~ see ask^^^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

You hated feeling this way, you knew she was busy, you knew you that it was really not her fault but it didn't take away the hurt. At first you were patient and tried to convince yourself that it was a overreaction and all down to your past. But after a few weeks of the same pattern it became harder to fight your own thoughts which is why you spent al your time in your office.

There was only so much paperwork you could drag out while you made sure it was packed full of as much detail possible. Often you found yourself battling the anxious thoughts while working not even realising you were crying. At least that's what Larissa saw one night. You'd been hiding away and she realised how neglected you must be feeling. That wasn't her intention but life and running Nevermore had prevented her from showering you in the love and care you deserve and need. On her way to inform you she is taking a much needed holiday to spend with you, she heard the sobs coming from your classroom. With a quickie peak around the door she saw just how upset you were feeling. Guild building in your stomach as she made a plan to shower you in all the love and attention you truly deserve,

Normally you slipped into bed after Larissa was asleep which is how tonight went but what was different was Larissa still being asleep besides you when you awoke. You were startled to see her there, the hurt still lingering but the panic of her possibly being unwell. You were just about to rest your hand to her forehead when her eyes fluttered open. She could immediately see the hurt you'd been feeling the past few weeks.

"Hi darling" she murmured sleepily. "Ris? Love you're late" you mumbled expecting the woman to hurry out of bed and rush to dress for work. But she didn't. She just pulled you closer to her body. "I took some time off darling, a week. I realise how absent I've been and how much that must have hurt you pretty girl, I don't want to hurt you ever. I love you so much baby, you're so special to me and I'd like to show you if you'll let me." She whispered before pressing a sweet kiss to your hair.

The tears began to fall as you nodded into her neck. "I missed you Ris" you murmured as she held you for a little while. Both of you just soaking in the embrace until you were calm. "You really took a week off ? For me?" You murmured confusion evident in your voice. "For you, I'd do anything darling."

The sweet kiss you shared soon became one of passion as Larissa shifted you on your back to kiss all over your face down your neck and all over your chest, "you're so beautiful darling, I love you so very much, please let me show you" she whispered into your breast. "Please Ris I need you. I missed you so much" you whined. Larissa continued her journey down your body, ensuring that every inch of skin was properly worshiped leaving you feeling special, important and oh so beautiful.

By the time you felt her mouth at your core you could've cried, overwhelmed by all the positive emotions you were experiencing now? But those feelings soon combined with her tongue lapping at your soaked folds, moaning at the taste of you. Larissa missed this and she made a silent promise to herself there and then that this would never happen again, she'd never make you feel bad ever again.

Larissa brought you to your peak and back down again before kissing her way up your body to come and hold you again. "I love you baby" she murmured to you as you snuggled into her body trying to catch your breath, "I love you too love, thank you for making me feel so loved and special." Larissa seemed to get overwhelmed with emotion as she tilted your head to hold your gaze, "I'll never make you feel like this ever again love, you are and always will be the most important thing in my life."

Word count~ 888

[onyourowndaisymae]

Yoo I have two request which I’ll send the other one separately but I am in an ANGSTY mood rn sooo yah also been binging ur headcanons and stuffs and I just love the way you write ?? It’s so entertaining lol

AnywY the actual request: can you write like a one shot or headcanons if you prefer of mc who is struggling after the belphie incident ?? Like they feel like they’ve mostly forgiven him and can act normally around him and they’re friends and take naps together but sometimes the flash back just HITS THEM and they have nightmares and panic attacks that can be so bad sometimes someone needs to get Simeon to calm them down. Maybe something of how the brothers react/treat mc and belphie? Idk I’m just thirsting for like MEGA ANGST rn bc my dad made me cry little bit lmao 😭

it comes at night

hello anon! i'm terribly sorry you're in such an angsty mood, though i thank you for all the love-- and for sending this request right as these ideas were on the front of my mind. it genuinely makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work, and it makes all the writer's block and such worth it. i cannot express enough how much i love seeing all the comments, reblogs, etc. as people engage with my work.

anyways. i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, especially with how LONG it ended up being, but maybe that's just my mushy brain talking after looking at it too long. regardless-- i hope you enjoy (well, y'know, in like a sad and angsty way).

synopsis: you thought you would be able to move on like all the others. your body was healed, your anxiety tucked neatly behind a mental wall built to keep you safe. yet something in you was stuck. you couldn't just move on. you were trapped in a battle between your friendship with belphegor and the fear gnawing at your brain as you remembered what exactly he did to you. when the dam finally breaks, your whole brain floods with terror, until you're swept away with it. nobody can save you now.

genre: angst, no happy end, just a big ol spoonful of sadness

word count: ~3.1k

content warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, graphic(?) discussions of death, depictions of panic attacks, nightmares, mc progressively getting worse from fear + lack of sleep

it's funny how time works. 

you'd been around your fair share of years. you’d grown, you’d changed, you’d spent your entire life looking toward the future you had planned. then you, a mere human, were yanked into an unfamiliar world. you spent an entire year in the devildom– a year that simultaneously dragged on and flew by– and came out the other side a new person. a single year in the devildom has changed you more than the human realm has your entire life. time was a mischievous thing, always leaving you chasing behind in a fruitless pursuit of something you’ll never quite understand.

but, she also brings blessings with her. they say that time heals all wounds. you've always agreed with that sentiment. scraped knees and adolescent broken hearts are swept away with the passing days, trailing further and further behind you until one day you forget to look back and remember them. the pain scribbled down on diary pages or cried into pillow cases no longer stings like a fresh burn. these things are nothing but scars now. time has a special way of patching you up, of rubbing your back until the tears clear up and you can finally see again. that is how it's always been. 

where is time when you need it? 

she hasn't quite abandoned you, this much is true. cuts and bruises heal over the passing days. your hair and nails still grow. your body still changes, slowly but surely, marching onwards week after week. yet your mind is trapped in stasis. you struggle to break free, but at times the rot consumes you whole, until you’re crying under the covers and begging from respite from the memories. 

on the worst nights, you find yourself in the attic again, watching the door between you and belphegor swing open. you watch yourself march towards death.

you can still feel his hands around your neck, digging his claws into your fragile human skin like you're made of sand. the scent of blood-- your own blood, on the floors, on the walls, leaking from your torso and staining your clothes a permanent maroon-- still clings to the inside of your nose. even your wildest dreams could not erase the sight of his smug grin, the way his eyes lit up looking at your battered body.

no one person should have to carry the weight of realizing they're going to die. that's what you thought about when your body hit the bottom of the stairs, when belphegor tossed you down from the attic with a harsh laugh and punted your limp body into the entrance hall. you thought about how unfair this all was. you were just trying to help. you thought you were doing the right thing.

one of the worst parts of your untimely demise was watching the others react. the voices pool together in your head, like the colors of the rainbow twisting together on the surface of an oil spill. asmo's panicked shriek blends into satan's angry shouts, desperate to understand what's going on. lucifer's yelling almost drowns out the fearful cries coming from levi, held back by a very silent beel. 

but above all of that, you remember mammon. your first man, the first demon who took a chance on the defenseless little human, rushing to your side and gathering you in his arms like you were about to break. his hand on the side of your face, the tears streaming down his face, the shaky, desperate voice assuring you that you'll be okay and begging you to hang on, okay? please don't leave me. you can't remember if he was shaking or if it was your body's last ditch effort to stay conscious-- maybe both. your trembling fingers intertwined with his. words came out of your mouth, and you're not sure what exactly you said, but he only cried harder in response. 

and then, as your eyes shut for the final time, you woke at the bottom of the attic stairs. you had cheated death. 

your price? you had to carry the memories. 

the world kept spinning. days passed in the devildom. you returned to school, kept on top of your homework, spent your days in the house of lamentation alongside the seven demon brothers. you even got to know belphegor as he navigated his return home. he quickly grew fond of you. that, in and of itself, was jarring. but you returned each and every smile with one of your own. his actions were rooted in his own grief for his sister, you knew, and for that you could not fault him. you helped him repair the severed relationships between him and his elder siblings, stitching the family back together like a prized quilt until the seams of betrayal were sufficiently hidden. 

time is a traitorous bitch. why did she choose now to leave your wounds bare and bleeding?

everyone moved on but you. everyone got to wake up in the mornings without a nagging anxiety holding them back. the others could hang out with belphegor day in and day out without a growing feeling of dread popping up when you think you're safe. 

he killed you. he was grieving. your blood drenched the entryway floors as he laughed. he has grown. you watched the light leave mammon's eyes as you slipped away. belphie has been nothing but kind to you since that day. you fucking died. 

you wish your mind could pick a side. did you forgive him, or did you resent him? was he your friend, or your killer? these answers evaded you in the dead of night as you struggled to sleep again. it was becoming more common for you to lose hours of rest to these nagging fears. who are you? are you even you anymore? did the switch in timelines scatter your atoms across countless universes, leaving the you that looks back at you in the mirror nothing more than a hollow shell? 

you thought that you could keep your mind on a tight leash, keep your cards close to your chest as you continued to live with the brothers. you were wrong.

the first meltdown came during a nap with belphie. you had grown to trust him-- you thought you trusted him-- enough to sleep around him. he'd coax you every so often into an afternoon nap. always in the light of day, always your choice. and for many afternoons, you were perfectly content with this arrangement. belphie was warm and cuddly, a perfect companion for a lazy afternoon. he had this way of making you feel safe as you slept-- the nightmares couldn't come when he was snuggled up next to you, when you were sure his actions were ones of affection and not another trick to gain your trust.

one afternoon, while the sun was beginning to set, you stirred under the warmth of the blankets. the body next to yours lingered close, steady breaths lulling you back to dreamland. you could stay like this forever, you thought.

and then you felt it. the gentle graze of a familiar cow tail against your skin.

something inside of you, a dam you didn't even know was there, snapped. a hot flash of panic rose up your throat as your whole body jerked away from the feeling. your eyes shot open and you found yourself in the last place you needed to be right now: the attic. you pulled yourself out of bed before your brain could catch up. colors flashed across your vision as a consequence. you whipped around, disoriented and upset, and spotted a sleeping belphie in the bed where you once were.

a sleeping, demon belphie.

the familiar curve of his horns made your throat spasm as you tried to breathe. the colors flashed in your vision again-- oh god, what a terrible time to be left defenseless-- as your brain tried to drag you back to that day. you could practically see his face shift from relief to malicious, insidious joy as he began to attack you.

"hehe... does it hurt? finding it hard to breathe? i'm sure it must be very unpleasant."

please. please no.

" i have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this... why, it's so much fun that i can barely stand it! i... i can't contain the laughter!"

you weren't quite sure when you hit the ground, but it was loud enough to wake belphegor from his slumber. he peeled his body off the mattress, slow and dazed, as he looked for you.

"mc? what're you... what's going on?"

please don't. this can't be happening.

your lungs collapsed from the weight of your own panic. you gasped-- once, twice, as your vision went in and out. were you bleeding? your hand loosely brushed at the front of your clothes, but couldn't process whether that was blood or your vivid imagination. were you even breathing? your head felt light and heavy at the same time. the wires in your brain were all crossed, sending both resuscitation and shutdown signals to each part of your body. this feeling... this was too familiar.

were you dying?

"mc, what's going on?"

you came face to face with belphegor. your friend, your killer. the demon who had lured you up to this very attic to kill you, now gripping your shoulders as interrogated you inches from your face.

you screamed. you screamed until your brain shut off completely, leaving you in an inky pit of darkness as your consciousness slipped away.

the house was in disarray for several days. apparently, lucifer came in shortly after you passed out, mammon at his heels, to save the day. you woke up later in his bed, the room cold and empty, with a throbbing head and a tear stained pillow. you stumbled out into his office to find him at his desk, lost in some paperwork like always. the solemn look he gave you as your eyes met told you everything you needed to know.

from this day forth, your fear was now your constant companion.

nobody in the house of lamentation knew how to move forward. not you, not the brothers, not the widening gap growing between you all with each passing day spent in emotional limbo. finally, lucifer called everyone to a family meeting where, over the course of an hour or two, everyone came to an agreement to acknowledge what had happened and why, promised to be mindful of this trauma that you're carrying, and move forward like you requested.

silent days slowly but surely filled back up with laughter again. the brothers came back to your side at their own pace-- asmo first, within a matter of hours, then mammon shortly after, then the others in the following days.

belphegor was the last to come around. his silence spoke volumes about his guilt. he had no clue how to comfort you. he'd do anything to repent for his actions. yet that was the way that life worked, didn't it? some actions simply cannot be undone.

but you didn't let that stop you. despite the panic that closed your throat every time you saw him for the next month, you slowly earned his friendship again. you assured him that the attic incident was a one time thing, the remnants of a lost nightmare blending into your consciousness as you awoke.

until it wasn't a one time thing.

the nightmares crept up on you. the first one happened, of course, that same night, as you thrashed and wept into lucifer's pillows. then a week later, another. a week and a half after that, another. the frequency eventually became higher and higher, until you started planning your sleep schedule (or lack thereof) around your new insomniac tendencies. but even you couldn't manage to stay awake forever.

on a bad night, you'd wake up in tears, crying weakly to yourself as you tried to coax yourself back to bed. on worse nights, you'd shoot up out of bed, limbs tingling in fear, opting to spend the rest of the night in the common room until the others woke for the day. on the worst night, you finally broke. you shattered worse than you could have imagined.

you finally collapsed into bed, body shutting down after a three days of minimal sleep. you were starting to get shaky from the lack of rest, and your lack of appetite was upsetting the others. you crawled under the covers and let your brain slip out of your hands and off to dreamland.

what a fool you were to think you'd get by without nightmares.

visions of demonic teeth tearing at your flesh filled your head. you tried to run away, tried desperately to wake yourself up, but their claws sunk into your flesh. the pain was vivid, was real. memories of your death lived underneath your skin, ready to resurface in the dark of night when there was no escape. you fought back as best you could, kicking and screaming and trying to run, but you were no match for the supernatural strength of your demons. you eventually gave in, an act of learned helplessness, and surrendered yourself to your worst nightmares.

you woke up choking on your own tears. heaving, gasping breaths tried to save you, mixing with coughs as your body struggled to hang on. the tears finally gave way to the memories-- hot blood dripping from your torso, screaming faces begging you to stay, your head going fuzzy as your vision followed--and your screams escaped without a fight.

a mixed cacophony of voices came flooding in the room. you'd be touched by the gesture, seeking comfort in the arms of your dearest friends, if your brain hadn't reminded you that they were demons as well. nightmarish beasts with fangs and claws, predators built to rip your soft flesh from your bones and leave you to die like roadkill.

you felt a hand on your shoulder. who's was it? you could not tell. your first and only instinct was to scream for mercy, hot tears streaming down your face as mammon's hurt expression moved back out of your line of sight. your chest heaved with effort. it felt like your whole body was caving in on itself. you didn't even realize you were shaking as you curled your body into a ball. your side hit the mattress with a pathetic thud and you wept, bitter and fearful, as a panic attack kept you trapped in its grip.

you don't know how long you stayed curled up like that, wordless cries echoing from your room and into the hallway, but eventually the sound of approaching footsteps caught enough of your attention to forget the panic, even if just for a moment.

"hey, it's okay," a familiar, comforting voice approached, cutting through the fear like a moonlight on a stormy night. "mc, it's me, it's simeon. it's going to be okay."

you felt the bed shift under the weight of someone sitting down, and you blindly threw your body at the person before checking to see if it was really him. it took you a few moments to raise your head, and when you did, you saw him: simeon, your angel, blue eyes full of worry as he met your gaze.

you cried in his arms until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

the next morning was miserable, to say the least. breakfast was tense. they all watched you like a hawk, like you were a powder keg about to explode with one wrong move. you couldn't blame them. you were afraid of your own emotions, and on some level, you were afraid of them. your trauma was making you afraid of the very people you cared about the most. these brothers had welcomed you into their home, took care of you as you adjusted to life in the devildom, and yet you couldn't hold eye contact without breaking in to a cold sweat.

the only person who did not watch you was belphegor. he was nowhere to be found during breakfast, nor dinner, nor breakfast the following day. you tried to seek him out, but somehow the avatar of sloth had become a skilled sneak in his silence.

you finally caught him alone on day four of radio silence. you both had stayed home without realizing the other had also skipped school that day-- you, from the lack of sleep eating at your brain, and belphegor, with his usual routine of missing class to nap at the house of lamentation. he was curled up on the couch in the common room, basking in the warmth of the fireplace in his slumber. you decided to wait for him to wake up. you sat down on the couch opposite of the one where he rested and watched him, quietly, like he'd disappear if you dared to blink.

creepy? yes. but your brain was long ruined by sleep deprivation and gnawing anxiety to worry about such trivial things.

when he finally stirred, you gently called belphegor's name. he took a moment to finally look at the source of the voice, but when he did, his body froze as the two of you made eye contact. a few moments passed in silence. finally, he sat up and began to make a move to leave.

"wait."

he stopped, but his gaze did not meet yours. you rose from your seat and joined him on the couch. the youngest pulled his legs in, twisting his body into a defensive little ball, and countered your next sentence before you could even open your mouth.

"you shouldn't be here with me."

"i think i'm old enough to make decisions for myself."

he shifted uncomfortably in the silence. you spoke again.

"i miss you. and i'm sorry."

he scoffed to himself and stared at the fireplace. "don't know why you think you should be apologizing to me. i'm the one that's the problem."

"you're not a problem, belphie. i never meant to make you feel like one."

every hair on your body stood on end. your hands trembled against your wishes, so you sat on them to stay focused. you had to do this. you had to keep moving forward.

"i hurt you, mc. you're afraid i'm going to do it again."

you sighed-- it came out more shaky than you would have liked-- and looked down. how had it come to this? how had someone you'd grown to hold so dear become a stranger again?

"i don't want to stop being friends. i don't like when you avoid me."

"you still get nightmares, don't you?"

you pause. his icy gaze on the side of your head sent you into a cold sweat.

you smiled-- it felt more like a grimace, personally-- and prayed it didn't come across insincere. your fingers carefully intertwined with his. he met your gaze. you were thankful he couldn't see the way your chest tightened when you made eye contact. 

"i'm okay, belphie," you lied. 

this fear was going to be the death of you. 

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for lying to my subjects’ families?

ok, ok, i know this sounds really bad but im kinda freaking out rn so just. just hear me out ok??

I’m a scientist, and a real important one too (i work for the king). and i LIKE to think i’ve actually done some really good work, like fixing up the geothermal energy plant my predecessor made, making a new prosthetic body for my friend… etc etc. so recently his majesty gave me a new assignment.

So… basically our country is at war. Kinda. Not really. But sorta? Ok anyway we’re at war because the enemy trapped us down here with this barrier made of this special mesh only they can go in and out of. And the theory is that the reason why they can go thru and we can’t is because of this special substance in their bodies called DT..

You can see where I’m going with this, right? It seemed so simple! Just, like, inject some DT into a test subject’s body and they should be able to go thru just fine.

And ofc I took all the precautions. I’m not an IDIOT. I started with a control group, this random flower I found in the king’s garden, and it seemed fine (though I ended up losing it a couple weeks ago, the pot probably got knocked over or something) so I moved onto live, elderly volunteers who were on death’s door anyway.

That’s where the, uh… troubles, started.

See, this is the part where I start thinking I might be the asshole, because I went above the original planned dose. Like, WAY above. Because the DT was, like, not doing anything at first?? and, ok, i admit i REALLY wanted this to work. like really really wanted it to work. so i kind of just kept injecting them with more and more because it HAS to do something interesting eventually, right? right???

And, uh, it did. It was very sudden, actually. I woke up this morning, had some ramen for breakfast and came downstairs to find out the volunteers had all… melted.

What makes all of this worse was that one of the families actually called me to ask how the volunteers were doing, and I kinda… panicked and told them they were fine??? look, i didn’t want like a mass panic or something, ok??? I could have lost my job! its not like i could have known they were gonna MELT

anyway.. the lab is locked now, and i refuse to go down there until i figure out some kind of solution, but i SWEAR i can hear something moving around down there, and it doesnt sound like machinery.

am i the asshole?

[quitealotofsodapop]

So Mk gets surprise eggo because of paint and confined space and lack of food? Imagine that he has no idea what’s wrong with him, he goes to Lao Tzu, and when Lao Tzu goes “congrats on the baby” Everyone just kinda stops.

And Mk bursts into tears so loudly that all of heaven can hear. He’s all “I can’t have a baby, it’s too dangerous!” And “I’m not ready!” Pigsy and Wukong are trying to comfort him, and the poor boys is just a sobbing mess.

And Lao Tzu is just standing there like “?????”

Sorry MK XD You're getting Egged

Bonus Anon asks:

Referencing this post where someone pointed out that MK could theoretically create a Stone Egg + the sequel that pointed out that he'd most likely do it on accident.

I could see this most likely happening in the Canon! verse since I bet the other au MK's would be more wary of Stone Egg mishaps. But I could 100% see it happening in the SlowBoiled au since that causes more drama.

And as much as I love the idea of MK becoming *ahem* egg'd as the result of a bad guy's plans or a huge catarosphe, I think it would fit more if MK did it completely on accident.

So the idea:

Post S3 MK decides that he needs some "Me time" and takes a break from work and training after the whole "Saving the world from a bone demon"-thing. He just needs some time to shut off completely from his responsibilities in the city. His friends understand and wish him well, even though they're worried since MK won't tell him *Where* he's taking a break to.

"Where" turns out to be a cool cave-let MK found while exploring FFM during S2 with no Monkey King to hover over him. Its quiet, it's secluded, its completely off-grid... But MK just can't relax. His brain is all busy, and everytime he sleeps he sees Her.

So he starts painting. And drawing. And using charcoal. Maybe a little rough pottery with the muddy clay-like stuff in the water? And soon enough he's looking like his Artist Clone with how caked in material he is.

In liu of going to sleep and risking terrible bone demon nightmares, MK meditates like how he saw the Monkey King do. In these moments his thoughts wander into deep, dark teritory. Real "call of the void"-type of thoughts.... hey should he eat something? It's been... oh gosh Pigsy's gonna killl him if he doesn't at least text to tell him how his sabbatical is going.

After his inpromtu vacation is up, MK feels... really gross? Maybe thats cus he hasn't really washed or slept or ate, or spoken to anyone in all that time. Weird.

Pigsy asks him how long it's been since MK last ate a full meal, and huffs with disappointment at his nervous laugh before pouring his son a bowl of noodles.

Bouts of nausea and dizziness follow MK everywhere afterwards. He had no idea why - paint fumes maybe? Did some toxic chemical seep into his skin? Did he get sick somehow from isolating himself in that cave? Is that Jin and Yin trying to take over the city?

At somepoint in the utter chaos of S4 likely as the rest of the gang are recieving training from Subodhi; a certain alchemist meets MK to whisper a few questions into his ear.

Lao Tzu: "I was told that you've been experiencing extreme power fluctuations for the last few weeks. May I run a few test to rule out any abnormalities?"

MK: "Oh cool, no probs! Just don't put me in that furnace thing-y."

(*a few tests later*)

Lao Tzu: "Ok great news, it's not a curse or medical problem."

MK: "Phew! Then why is my body feels like its "glitching" all the time?"

Lao Tzu: "Thats a decaying glamour spell. Its likely that you had one affixed to you shortly before you were given up by your creators."

MK: "Glamour spell...? Wait, then what about my powers wigging out?"

Lao Tzu: "Oh thats easy. You're just pregnant."

MK (has not Done the Do): "What!?"

Mere seconds after Lao Tzu gives the diagnosis - MK just starts bawling.

He doesn't want this! Not now! He does want to have kid while all This is going on! The world might be ending for Buddha's sake!

MK is having a million panic attacks rn. He wants to have kids, so many, but only in the *Future*! When he's like semi-retired and has a protege of his own to take over the monkey business- HEY WAIT, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!

Subodhi has to drop the big lore that MK is a Stone Monkey - capable of reproducing asexually under extreme circumstances, in order to clear up the whole immaculate conception part.

Then Lao Tzu has to tell MK that the Stone Egg he carries will likely Kill him since he's (mostly) mortal.

MK starts crying before deciding to tackle the issue Later.

Ofc MK simply doesn't want his family to worry about him what with all this Brotherhood stuff going on... so he just keeps quiet for now.

His family are going to find out soon though. And by Guanyin, Pigsy is gonna freak.

Macaque (and later Wukong), just need to sniff MK once after they reunite to notice whats up.

Wukong offers to grab some No-Baby Spring Water immediately if MK doesnt want to keep the Egg. Macaque briefly panics thinking that the kid got knocked up the old-fashioned way... only to panic harder when he and Wukong determine it to be a Solo-Made Stone Egg(!!!). Cue two panicking fellow Stone Monkeys making MK feel even worse about his conflicted feelings on the matter.

Pls add on what you think so far! :3

[lover-of-mine]

okay so I had a really terrible thought and I’ve been following you for a while and I wanted to hear your thoughts (maybe i’m just in a place of doubt rn) BUT

since they’re basically writing the episodes as they go, and are seeing fans reactions (and possibly taking them into consideration as they write), do you think if they see such a positive reaction to buck/tommy, they’ll make him more long term (and possibly endgame)…? again, I could be overthinking it but I’ve been seeing a tON of buck tommy stuff and idk if they’re going to consider that when they write the upcoming episodes for the rest of the season…like buck/tommy is cute ig don’t get me wrong bc we see bisexual buck and him enjoy his first male relationship and like i’m so proud, but…i’m an eddie-girl and buddie has always been my endgame

Okay, hi, ngl, I had this exact thought too when Tim kept insisting there's no plan. But the thing is, I don't believe him. I believe he doesn't have the full plot locked and loaded, but I doubt he doesn't have any idea where the story is gonna take him. Personally, I doubt that a few weeks of excitement over Buck being bi will be louder than 5 years of people BEGGING for buddie to happen. Buck and Eddie have a compelling relationship that's been cultivated for YEARS. And, look, far from me to make Buck's bisexuality about Eddie, but making a character who's HEAVILY shipped with another man for years queer in season 7 while having no plan on following through with the love story they've been building for 6 seasons would be dumb. Buck with a new guy and Eddie doubling down on being straight and ending up with some random woman is the worst case scenario here. This fandom is weird in the way that most of it is mono shipping. It's Buck and Eddie together or nothing. So they would piss off the homophobes, who are already pissed, and a solid amount of the people who have been following buddie for years and that's bad for business. They have the power to have a ridiculously compelling queer love story that's built on a foundation that's been there for 6 seasons. Buck and Eddie getting together could be EPIC. And they made the move to make Buck queer. They didn't have to. I love that Buck is getting a queer storyline, but if we are going there with Buck, what's actually stopping them from going there with Eddie? I don't see how you can have one of them being queer and not go there just because people are excited that Buck is bi. Tim can't say it's gonna go there. That would be a spoiler. A huge spoiler. But narratively speaking, or from a business perspective, Buck being bi has to mean buddie getting together. Because that's what people have been wanting from them. And honestly, if they wanted to play Tommy as having any chance of being Buck's endgame, he wouldn't have so many parallels with Taylor. The TK of it all, the helicopter of it all, the kiss that happens because Eddie is injured, Buck is even wearing a shirt that looks like the one he's wearing when Taylor comes back, like, seriously, what the fuck? And that's not going into the symbolism they have to know is there on the way the loft itself is a symbol of romantic doom, because Buck got it in a relationship that instantly Ended and the 2 times he started something there it went up in flames, so like 🤨🤔 I'm curious to see where it's going, but, personally, don't see them actually lasting the rest of the show. At least that's what I'm telling myself to calm down when I panic and trip into the bad place lol

[drysdaleknieslee]

could you write some fraser minten smut? i am living off scraps rn🥲

Mirror Mirror

Hello my love, sorry for responding so late. Finals are finally over and I have time to focus on my inbox.

Our Minten doesn't get enough recognition so I'm glad I got this request!

FraserMinten x female!woc

Warning Disclaimer!: oral (f receiving), penetration, mirror, body dysmorphia, Minten being a sweetheart, slight exhibitionism

"One more time ladies! This dance needs to be perfect for the recital next week! Oh, and y/n_"

Your head shoots up at the sound of your instructor's harsh voice, "Your solo better be PERFECT." she states before starting the music again. You've been going to this ballet academy for almost a year now. You've learned a lot while I've been here. Your teacher usually gave other girls the solos and you've usually always been...in the back. But you've been working harder to make my presence and talent known so that she could realize you were meant to have a solo.

All the hard work paid off, but you weren't prepared for the pressure that came with it. Being front and center was a lot but you deserve this spot and you'd fight to keep it.

After about five more repetitions of the routine, we were dismissed for the day. You planned on staying later to work on the routine some more and work on my solo. You needed this to be like muscle memory. When you went out to refill my water bottle you stopped when you heard giggles near the fountain.

"I still can't believe SHE got the solo of all people." "Misses probably gave it to her out of pity." one voice said with a laugh.

"Did you see her when we did our Temps Levé's? I thought she was gonna break the wood in the floor." one voice said causing all three to simultaneously break out into laughter.

"She can wear as many tights as she likes, but her thighs are still gonna move regardless. Surprised she hasn't burned a hole in them yet."

The laughter continued and faded as they got further away before there was nothing.

You ran back to the studio room and just crumpled to the floor. The only sound is your soft sobs. You always felt a little self-conscious of yourself. You weren't skinny but you weren't small either. Your thighs touched, you had a bit of a stomach pouch, and you knew you'd never be less than 150 pounds.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of your phone. You walk over to your bag to grab it.

'Minty 🩵'

Oh no. He's gonna know if you're feeling off just from your voice. He's bringing you dinner and probably calling to see if you remembered.

"Hey babe."

"Hey." Your voice clearly sounded off causing him to pause before continuing. "Who do I need to fight y/n?"

"No one," you try to mask a sniffle, "are you outside?"

"Yes. We'll talk more when I get there." You start to panic and quickly wipe your cheeks and get all the sniffles out. Your eyes were still puffy and redder than usual and your your locs were a mess from running your hands through them. You jump a little when you hear the door open and you turn to face the serious face of your boyfriend.

"Fraser-" "Who did it?"

"It's nothing-"

"It is because you have been crying and your slightly shaking." You start to tear up again but before you can he's already walked across the room and takes your face in his hands and forces you to look in his eyes.

"Baby please tell me what's wrong."

Your tears finally spill and he just puts your face into his chest and he just holds you and caresses your head. When you've got all your tears out, you finally tell him about the conversation you overheard. You told him you knew they were talking about you as your the only girl in the class who's slightly bigger than everyone else.

"I want you to listen to me and listen well, you are more than qualified to be here. I've seen you dance and your far more graceful than any of these other girls."

He wipes your cheeks while he continues, "And there's nothing wrong with your weight. I love your thighs, your stomach, everything about you."

You giggle lightly. "You're just saying that Mints."

"You want me to prove it? Get on the floor and face the mirror."

You look at him to see if he's joking but his seriousness doesn't waver. He wasn't asking. You get on the floor and sit facing the mirror.

"Lift your knees." You raise your knees slightly.

He then gets in front of you and hooks his fingers in the waistband of your tights and starts to pull them down.

"You should never need to wear three pairs of tights. I like it when your thighs move." His voice has dropped a whole octave since starting this and to say you don't feel something in the pit of your stomach would be a lie.

He gets your tights off and tosses them towards my bag. He starts to leave feather-light kisses from your ankle, slowly moving up your legs to your thighs and he stops.

"I'm gonna make you feel pretty." Your heart rate picks up to a dangerous speed at the sound of his voice.

"I want you to watch yourself while I eat you out. I'll stop if you close your eyes," he explains. "Do you understand?

You nod your head slowly before letting out a shaky "Yes".

At your confirmation, he puts his focus on the wet spot that's formed on your panties before moving them to the side to insert his index finger.

You hold your breathe, trying to be as quiet as possible, while also trying to follow his instructions and look at yourself in the mirror.

Your cheeks have a slight tint to them now, beeps of sweat have started to form on our forehead, and your chest is rising and falling heavily due to your shallow breaths. Your mouth suddenly drops open when you feel Fraser insert another finger and add his tongue.

You grab his hair for leverage and try not to break eye contact as you do not want him to stop contrary to belief. You and him had never explored this before, but the thought of seeing your boyfriend treat you so tenderly and being able to actually see your face did give you a boost of confidence.

"Mints-"

"I know, I know."

He quickens his pace while he kitten licks your clit. He adds another finger and curls his fingers upward. You let out a silent moan and tug his hair lightly when you climax. It hit you so intensely your vision blurred for a moment.

"Remind me to do that again if it's gonna make you do that each time."

You smack his chest playfully and you try to hide your face in the crook of his neck. "Let's go to my place. You practiced enough today. We'll warm up the food, watch whatever movie you want and i'll pamper you for the rest of the night."

"I like the sound of that. Thanks Mints."

While he goes to grab your stuff you get an idea.

"Mints?"

"Yeah?"

"...Can we buy a mirror for the house?"