#so yeah. hopefully the next volumes keep it up because this season has a lot of potential so far

[theodoravery]

ok so ! i was very pleasantly surprised, the first volume was actually quite enjoyable! the mc customisation looks sooo much better this season, you can make a gorgeous mc!

[mansionofmuses]

Alright fuck it I figured it's time to put my nuts in the ring when it comes to writing up rwde reviews about shiddy writing.

I already made a post about how closure doesn't exist in rwby, so that SHOULD trim this a bit. Hopefully.

These last two of seasons of rwby have been ASS and idk even know where to start. So lemme do some character progressions instead of jumping all over the place. Let's start with my fav: Neo. And I'll be as unbiased as possible.

Starting from v6, she came back and teamed up with Cinder. Cool? Cool. Fair enough. V7 onwards she's been treated like a BITCH by Cinder and has visibly shown her disdain for that on screen. And yet she still chooses to hang with her? Why? Like... Genuinely why? Is Neo not like the stealth queen? And the driver of a thousand vehicles? Why does she even need Cinder? Could she not have just jacked an airship herself, flown to Atlas after getting the info from Cinder, and began her hunt there? Instead she's just some minion to her now? Okay fine so let's say their team up makes sense in some odd world. Why the fuck would Neo agree to go to Cinder in the Satan Whale? Why? Why the fuck is she there? After being denied multiple times to get to Ruby and even being treated like shit with visible disdain, she should have absolutely left with a middle finger to Cinder. But nope. We get to see her be visibly uncomfortable in this cult and clearly wants out. Which she does, so good shit. She snatches the lamp and heads out. Fair enough, I guess? I don't know why the fuck she trusts Cinder to go back to her after being treated like shit. After Cinder's doodoo attitude towards her, Neo should be like "wow maybe she's lying to me about roman lemme check with this genie bitch" but no. And don't say "oh well she can't talk so jinn wouldn't be able to answer her." Fuck that. 1. I should hope that the password wouldn't be so ableist against mute people. 2. Neo's resourceful as hell. Text to speech and boom. There ya go. Instead she goes back to Cinder like a lost puppy after being shown multiple times how much she hates her. Why the fuck does she need Cinder to get to Ruby? I have no fucking idea! And then everyone's favorite scene. I know I know she killed Blake's hip atta-- I mean character devel-- I mean Yang. That scene. Was doodoo. And I'll get into more intricacies about it much later. But for now, why the hell was Neo so sloppy in that assassination? Like gurl you revealed yourself so early from, apparently so far away? Pretend to be a passerby with everything disguised (I saw that lamp) impale her and boom. Done. Not sure why she went for a slash either when a thrusting weapons like that would be best for a quicker impale. It would have made any on screen death so much more confirmed instead of up in the air bullshit.

Next we have Ironwood. Oh James. How far you've fallen. I don't really understand what the hell they're doing with this character any more. Like... At all. I fully expect him to turn into the joker and join salem at this point lmfao. At first he was complex, but cool, right? Ok a stern leader who still wants to help people and see team rwby in beacon grow and be successful. Fair enough. Then came v4 and he was like "hey yang. Heard about the arm. Here ya go homie." That was pretty cool to give to a young veteran. Fair enough. But good god once v7 hit, everything just went haywire. He started making the dumbest decisions. Kind of. I understand how he's like "aite let's sack mantle to ensure atlas lives cause otherwise both parties will be dead." except idk why he didn't just make a plan to evacuate everyone to mantle first but whatever. I mean team rwby did it like... In a day? Shouldn't have been hard. Then he started losing his fucking mind. There was an entire thing about trust issues and plans (ngl I didn't care enough to pay much attention) and he ends up wanting to arrest the kids more than actually stopping Salem. Like homie. Why. You have a gang of strong ass hunters on your side, don't just throw that away. They could say "acab fuck the police anarchy reigns" and you should still keep them just to fight literal satan on your doorstep. But he fucking drops everything and resources and materials on arresting them. Like why???? And then he just shoots a child just because? And he goes around full fascist mode and his character is just gone at that point. He literally actively wants to kill the people of Mantle now instead of stopping Salem and I don't fucking get it. He could literally plot with salem about how to nuke mantle and I'd be like "shoulda seen it coming". And then when he gets outta jail he kills Jacques... Just cause? Like why? I understand Jacques let Salem's forces in and eventually led to this shit show, but like... Atlas was falling. Just leave. I don't understand. But I guess it's to show how hateful he is towards those who oppose him, so whatever. Idk I'm so done with him. This man is just so boring I just can't wait for him to get killed off so we can be done with him. I'm sure I missed a fuckload of intricacies about Ironwood but I really don't care at all about this schmuck.

Next on the shitlist is the entirety of team rwby. Just to compact it all into one. Ruby has been getting on my nerves SO much. She is so holier than thou and always right. If she had just openly talked with Ironwood about all these secrets and shit, none of this would be happening. Yeah there would be panic, but homie what's the alternative? Fight in secrecy against the police and Salem?

"hey Ruby I noticed that lamp you keep hanging around. What is that?"

"oh uhhhh definitely not a grimm magnet HAHAHAHAH"

Like no shit everyone's gonna be pissed when you lie to them and keep these secrets. Also these plans are dogshit. "We gotta get a message out." To who??? The rest of the world is gonna see some lil kid be like "hey Ironwood's gone crazy and some evil witch bitch is here tryna kill us all." Like who are they gonna believe? A random girl or the fact that ironwood is the head of the largest military state in the world? For all they know it's just some prank and it's totally unbelievable.

Team RWBY sippin team for v8 and doing nothing all volume? Nice. "But they needed to protect Nora." You mean to tell me Ruby, May, Blake, and Weiss all had to be there to protect someone. The Grimm attacked once and that was it. You guys have no medical history. At all. All you did was wrap her up and drink tea during the volume where there's a literal war happening outside. You don't just "wait for help" you ARE THE HELP you're hunters you fucks! Go out and get shit done. Have like one person stay behind just in case shit goes wrong. Preferably Weiss so she can have those meaningful conversations with her family members she never fucking had. But whatever. Ruby and Yang get into... A fight? That lasts for five seconds when they leave and then when they see each other again it just doesn't matter so I'm not sure why the fuck it was brought up at all. It had no impact whatsoever. And there's a ton more I'm sure I'm just burning out at this point. But let's just talk about the big shit. Yang's death. Everyone's saying she'll come back because plot armor but I'm in the "I genuinely think she's dead" group. She turned to Dust as she fell. I mean who knows maybe Deus Ex machina rears it's convenient head. I hate hate hate how that scene was done. That was such an unbelievable death. Weiss, Ruby, and even Blake all have ways of catching her. Easily. Weiss has like fifty ways of catching someone between summons and semblance. Ruby can teleport around the world. And Blake can just shadow clone jutsu her way there but WHATEVER. I guess everyone was too busy being nerfed and sucking ass. Again. And the reactions? Dog shit. Even when she sacrifices herself for Ruby, it's still all about the bees. It's so genuinely annoying. Ruby just whispers her sisters name and that's pretty much it aside from a >:( face here and there. Weiss doesn't even grieve she just comforts Blake who's losing her shit. And I don't know why Weiss doesn't grieve cause SHE WAS HER HOMIE TOO LIKE C'MON RT LET'S SEE SOME UGLY SOBBING DAMN so now everyone's gone feral (except Weiss who just doesn't give a shit about Yang apparently.) And despite Blake saying "yo let's not kill people aite Yang?" She's gonna say fuck that and have it out for Neo and Cinder out of revenge. Alright I guess. That's fair honestly. Challenging ones own morals based on emotions. Good enough. But god I just wished we could see more from Ruby and Weiss during that. Also I'm so sick of the "oh this character fell are they dead are they not?" Thing that rt keeps doing. Just have Neo impale her and go. Easy as that. On screen confirmation. I'm sure team RWBY has a fuckload more to crit but I'm done with this topic.

Winter. Bootlicking to the extreme that she casts aside her own sister and doesn't care if her friends die. Nice. No closure at all after she turns back to being a good guy I guess. I'm done with her. Not a whole lot to say.

The aceops are just so dumb. I'm done with them. Everytime they talk about genocide for the good of atlas I'm just rolling my eyes. Just say you're fascists and move on. And idk why the fuck harriet is gonna bomb an empty mantle. Atlas is already falling on it, you literally have no reason to do this. And this plot point is stupid as hell. Next.

Cinder. I'm not sure why they decided to randomly drop her background story into the mix. Like I don't think anyone gives a shit after all the crap she's done. I'm so sick of rt trying to make her some "uwu woe is me" woobie after doing so much shit and killing so many people. Her uwu crying moments are just stupid. Honestly watts is one of my fav characters just for telling her how crappy she is. Next

Hazel. Homie is dumb as hell. He hates Ozpin because his sister died in a mission. Fair enough. Why the fuck would you ever join Grimm Hitler when Grimm are what killed her in the first place??? Like??? Just hate him on your own time dude, jesus. And he is consistently hypocritical and it's so stupidly funny how bad this character is.

"HOW MANY MORE CHILDREN WILL YOU HURT OZPIN" as he beats the piss outta Nora, Ren, RWBY, Oscar, and probably some random five year old on the street while shouting OZPIIIIN to the skies. It also didn't take a whole lot to convince him how stupid he was thank god. His character was so cool in design and in theory but good god he got executed soooo fucking poorly. Kinda glad he's dead just so we don't have to deal with his stupidity. Next.

Emerald. This bitch. I can't. I LOVE how easily rwby just forgave her. It was so stupidly funny. "oh but yang was ready to fight her at first and snatched her weapons" yeah for five fucking minutes. Then came the part where she helped stabilize Penny and gave a half assed speech about switching sides. Meanwhile everyone's just magically forgiving of her like OH THAT EMERALD AHAHAH like she didn't help orchestrate the fall of Beacon, the death of many, including Penny, and all the terrible shit that's gone down. No resentment from RWBY except for my favorite line delivered this volume. It was Weiss's ever so beautiful "SHUT UP" LOL (I play Smite and I love how her VVGQ Quiet voice line sounds the same. So when I heard this line, I thought of Smite and immediately laughed. Kudos to you Weiss.)

Salem. The hound attacked Penny in the mansion... Why? You already established connection with Watts in jail. Did he not tell her "ay she cool with us." And in turn did she not tell him "ay she cool with us don't hit her"? I guess not? Cause the hound and penny shoulda bounced together the second they met up lmao. Other than that, salem's done nothing this volume except try to be scary and get her ass beat by hazel. She could easily just go out in the field with her grimm and blasts some people or SOMETHING GOD so far our main villain is just so boring and unimposing that literally every other villain, including her subordinates, feel more like threats than her.

Now I'll just talk about scenes.

The scene with ambrosius was COATED IN CONVENIENCE. Apparently Ozpin didn't tell the gang about the WinMore button they could just fucking walk to until now because??? Idk. I LOVE how team rwby just assumed that penny would be okay when they took her robot parts out. Realistically she should just be a floating husk of aura and nothingness. Like she never had organs. I don't understand how she's a real person now? Which, by the way, I'm pretty fucking insulted about how they handled that. Why make Penny human? She was already a real girl and accepted by her loved ones. Like shit, she was a character that a LOT of transgirls, myself included, could relate to on a personal level and we LOVED how Ruby handled it in v2. It was cute! It was sweet! She said she was a real girl back then and it made all of our collective kokoros go doki doki. Fun stuff!

But now? It feels like none of that was validated until she got an actual human body. Like damn I wish I could just get my ideal body within seconds. Shit. I've seen and heard a lot of upset from my fellow tgirls about how doodoo that scene was, because it's implying penny wasn't a real girl until after she got her human body and that's probably how most of the rwby fandom is gonna see it too. "oh wow penny's a real girl now!" And just forget Ruby's cute speech in v2. So annoying. Minor nitpick, if she's got the aura of a black man inside of her (her father), and her robot body is gone, why the fuck isn't she black? Like? Idk minor nitpick I guess. But anyways back to ambrosius scene. I love how rwby had the answers for everything within the hours worth of planning they were given by Ironwood's motive. Totes believable. And yet the "one way ticket to vacuo" thing was the simplest shit they could have avoided lmfao. Like THAT is what you trip up on? Not the portals you're trying to make or the assumption that penny lives without her robot parts? Insane. (side note: how did oscar have a flashback to that scene if he wasn't even there?)

And now everyone's favorite scene. Yangs death. Already covered it early I just wanted to add more on. This scene is insane. Like... If they actually go through with killing her (i don't see how she could have survived turning into dust) then roosterteeth is dumber than I gave them credit for. Like... They have to realize the shitstorm they're gonna receive right? First they kill off clover, an lgbt+ coded character. Next is Yang? A main character who is WIDELY loved by all. Apart of their most pandered ship in existence: bees. (Both the ship and the character make them so much money in merch btw so this was stupid from an objective standpoint.) You can't just kill a main character that is heavily lgbt+ coded in THE most popular ship in the show. Like... How dumb can they be? They're gonna lose so many fans at the very least. Sales? Down. Death threats? Way up. It would be astonishing if they weren't up to their necks in shit in backlash by that decision. Bury Your Gays trope strikes again folks. But this time with everyone's favorite! Like I just... Idk that decision was stupid and that scene hardly was given any real pomp or circumstance it deserved. She's a major title character and that scene lasted like a minute lmao. It's gonna be RWBY without the Y. RWB. As in rt is a bunch of rubes for making that decision. A cynical part of me thinks they did that just because they want an excuse to off Neo, another really loved character. (Well if everyone hates her now we can kill her off cause god knows we don't know what to do with her), but I'm not gonna make this about her. I honestly don't know how to feel about this death tbh. On one hand it's shitty and *points to essay above*. On another it lets Blake be her own character for once. We get to see who she is on our own. And we can finally shift gears from The Bees Show featuring Some Plot to RWBY without the Y. But again that scene was done horribly with doodoo writing already explained up above. They're gonna use this as some edgy excuse to have the heroes start killing again or grieve or whatever bullshit shock value.

(now that I think of it tho, Neo shoulda killed yang in v2. How the fuck did Raven know she was finna die again. Lmao)

Anyways, that's my two cents. I'm sure there's so much more I forgot. Love or hate my ramble idc these are just my thoughts. I'm sure I made doodoo arguments at some points so feel free to call me an idiot and point them out. Imma bounce. My fingers fucking hurt lmfao

[ificanthaveu]

Senior Year, Third Wheels and #55 || The DropBack || Shawn Mendes

Description: you attend the first football game of the year, wearing your brother’s old jersey, realizing that a transfer student now has that number

A/N: Welcome to part 1 of The DropBack! This was supposed to be just a onetime thing, but when I was writing it, I really felt that it could open up to a series so I outlined the whole thing and decided to make it happen! Go, Dani!! Sorry part one was a little late but this week has been HECTIC

Word Count: 2k

The DropBack Masterlist

It felt like you had been looking forward to your senior year since you stepped foot into James Monroe High School on the first day of your freshman year. And here you were, the end of the first week of your senior year, and you felt like you were on top of the world.

Sure, you were stressed 90% of the time with college applications and AP classes, but there were still some rare moments where you didn’t feel any of that.

This was one of those moments.

You were sitting on the floor of your best friend’s bathroom as she French braided your hair into two braids. You laughed along with your other friends as they did their makeup and got dressed for the football game. Everyone was decked out in green and white for Monroe High’s colors. Numbers of friends and boyfriends on the team were written on your friends’ cheeks, and green glitter seemed to be everywhere in Elsie’s bright white bathroom.

You stood up once she was finished and grabbed the green jersey that was hanging next to you. You slipped it over your head, and it reached just above your knees, covering the spandex you were wearing. 

You adjusted it and glanced at the back in the mirror. Your last name was written in classic white block lettering across the back with 55, your brother’s old number, underneath it. He had graduated two years ago and was a constant and favorite on Monroe’s football team. So you gladly wore his old jersey on occasions like this. As far as you knew, no one had the number last year, so hopefully, this year would be the same. 

You packed into your car and drove over to the game. Elsie gladly took over as DJ and blasted the playlist she made at full volume. 

Like always, you were almost late as you and your friends jogged to the stands where the rest of your school cheered as the ball was kicked off. 

You squeezed towards the middle and tried to get towards the front, so you could watch the action. 

Elsie was shoulder to shoulder with you as you gripped onto the railing in front of you, cheering with the rest of the student body as your school scored the first touchdown of the season within the first two minutes of the game. 

“That was number fifty-five, Shawn Mendes!” The announcer’s voice boomed. Your jaw dropped as you glanced down at your own jersey and over to the unknown man celebrating in the endzone.

Elsie looked over at you and laughed.

“I thought no one had your brother’s number?” She questioned. You shook your head and stood on your tiptoes to get a better look at this player whom you had never heard of.

You couldn’t see him well. The only thing you saw was “Mendes” written across his jersey, and of course, the same number you were wearing across his back. You’d never heard the name before, so you thought maybe he was a freshman who was good enough to make varsity. His height and talent said otherwise. There was no way he was 14. 

“Have you heard of him?” You ask Elsie as she pulls up the roster on her phone. She hands it over to you as you read his stats. He was a senior. Eighteen-years-old and 6’2”. 

“I don’t know, but he’s definitely a senior. Must have transferred,” she said as she took her phone back from you. “We’ll quiz Matthew about him after the game.”

For the rest of the night, your eyes were glued to him. He was a phenomenal player. You knew enough about football since you practically grew up at a field because of your brother. He scored two more touchdowns that night. He was untouchable. 

He didn’t take off his helmet the entire time, as many of the other players, but you still hoped. The final buzzer went off as everyone cheered since your team won by a landslide. Everyone streamed out of the bleachers as quickly as they could. Some people made their way to their cars while others waited for the team to walk by so they could congratulate them or just say hi to their friends.

You and Elsie waited near the exit, so she could see her boyfriend Matthew before you left back to her house for the night. You waited a few minutes before the players started making their way through. 

Elsie jumped into Matthew’s arms, and you just gave him a high five. You’d only known Elsie for two years since she transferred to Monroe in the middle of your sophomore year, but you’d known Matthew since sixth grade. The two of you had always been close, so naturally, he and Elsie met because of you. You take full responsibility for the two of them being together since the beginning of your junior year. 

Elsie finally let go of him and the three of you talked about the game, congratulating Matthew on his interception.

“Hey, who’s fifty-five?” Elsie finally asked. Matthew’s face practically lit up.

“Mendes! He’s fantastic,” Matthew said like he was practically in love with him. “He just transferred here since his family moved. He’s phenomenal. He’ll for sure play in college.”

“Ok, cool, but personality-wise, looks-wise, how is he?” Elsie pried. Matthew looked at her with a questioning look before continuing.

“He’s super nice. Gets along with everyone. He hasn’t really made any close friends yet since he’s only lived here for two months. I don’t know if I’m the best person to ask about looks, but I guess he looks good?” Elsie patted his arm to subtly cut him off. Matthew finally glanced over at you and put two and two together.

“He has your brother’s number!” You didn’t respond and just rolled your eyes and looked away.

As if on cue, you saw the number fifty-five a little ways away from you. You elbowed Elsie and pointed to him. 

You both looked up at the same time, and you probably both had the same look on your faces.

“Oh, man, is he gorgeous,” Elsie said quietly enough, so Matthew wouldn’t hear her and get offended.

“My God, how have I not seen him since class started? I’d remember a face like that.”

“And those arms!”

You both watched him laugh at something, you were assuming, his parents’ said to him. He hugged them goodbye and stood alone for a while, looking around, clearly not knowing anyone enough to go say hello to.

“Go talk to him,” Elsie said as she subtly pushed you towards him.

“Yeah, do it!” Matthew encouraged, always going along with what Elsie said, especially if it was at your expense. 

“Hell no!” You said as you took a step back.

“Mendes!” Matthew yelled before you had a chance to stop him. You turned around and grabbed his arm with all the force you had, being half his size, and gave him a dirty look. Elsie grabbed your other arm, so you couldn’t make a quick escape.

Shawn walked up to your group with a smile on his face and high fived Matthew. The two launched into conversation about Shawn’s touchdowns and Matthew’s interception. Shawn finally noticed the two of you standing there and turned towards you.

“This is Elsie, my girlfriend,” Matthew said as he pointed towards Elsie. 

“I’ve heard so much about you. I swear Matthew never shuts up about you,” Shawn said in the most polite way possible. He glanced at you next, the smile not leaving his face.

“Hi, I’m [Y/N], and I’ll be repping you all season,” you said as casually as you could with a hint of laughter in your voice. He gave you a questioning look before noticing the number on your chest. Before he could say anything, you spoke up again.

“My brother played a few years ago, and this is his old jersey,” you said as you pulled at loose strings coming off the bottom of the jersey. 

“[Y/L/N]?” He questioned. 

“Yeah, that’s me - or my brother, well, both of us,” you said.

“Coach mentioned him to me before. He’s playing for USC right?” He said with a genuine interest.

You were shocked he knew anything about your brother. Sure, your classmates did because you were sophomores when he was a senior, but Shawn was new. 

“Yeah, Elsie and I are actually going to the first game next weekend,” you said. 

“I’m going, too. Even though [Y/N] never really wants me to,” he said as he slung his arm around your shoulder. You shrugged it off quickly before you could smell the sweat.

You looked over at Shawn, and he laughed.

“I mean, he gets annoying,” you whispered. Shawn nodded his head and leaned closer to you and faced the opposite direction of Elsie and Matthew as you followed suit. 

“Yeah, I know. If I have to hear him talk about Elsie one more time, I might throw up,” he said as the two of you were now shoulder to shoulder, whispering in each other’s ears, facing the field as it cleared out.

“I completely understand. Either he’s always around, or Elsie is talking about him. I don’t get a break,” you whispered back.

Matthew and Elsie watched you from a few feet away as the two of you talked, occasionally giving each other a look.

“So, you’re third-wheeling them at your own brother’s game?” He said with a look of disgust on his face. You couldn’t help but laugh at his expression

“Yeah, but I’m used to it. Matthew insists that he’s the actual third wheel, and Elsie says she feels like she is too sometimes since I’ve known him longer than I’ve known her. We work well together,” you said as you shrugged your shoulders. You glanced over at the two of them as Elsie gave you a look. You knew exactly what she was trying to tell you.

“Hey, you should come with next Saturday. You’d save me a lot of pain and keep me company in the back seat of Matthew’s car,” you said as you looked up at him with a hopeful smile. 

His face lit up at your request. 

“I’d love to keep you company in the back seat. Thanks for inviting me,” he said as he looked away for a moment as a blush crept up on his cheeks that you could just barely see from the field lights.

“No, thank you for sparing me a two-hour car ride where they usually forget I exist,” you said through a laugh paired with a sarcastic smile. 

“We should get going,” Matthew said as he seemingly came out of nowhere and clapped his hand on Shawn’s back. Shawn nodded over at him and started turning around.

“I’ll see you Saturday, [Y/L/N],” he said with that damn smile again. 

“You know you can call me [Y/N],” you said as you folded your arms across your chest shifting your weight onto one leg.

He gave you a look before shaking his head.

“No thanks. Bye, [Y/L/N],” he said over his shoulder.

“See ya, Mendes,” you said. “If you wear UCLA colors on Saturday, you’re uninvited!” You yelled after him. 

He glanced back at you and winked, walking backward, so he could still see you.

“Would never want to offend you, [Y/L/N],” he yelled as he held his arms out with a cocky smile on his face. You shook your head at him as he smiled one last time and turned back around to catch up to Matthew. 

You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face as Elsie came up next to you, and the two of you began walking back to your car. 

“Inviting someone you just met to your brother’s game? Who are you?” Elsie said as she bumped her hip against yours. You shook your head slightly as you looked over at her. 

“I’ve got a good feeling about this one.”

Part 2: Car Rides, Middle School and Older Brothers coming next Sunday!

tags: @peacedolantwins2 @shawn-youth @t-holland2080 @innocentb3an  

(let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for the dropback!)

[rwbyconversations]

RWBY Volume 6 New York Comic Con news

So this isn’t a proper panel summary thanks to the first half hour being just dead-air for the audience and a lot of the RWBY news being concentrated into one chunk near the middle and a Q&A. So if you want the details on everything related to Gen;Lock, there’s other sources like @genlock-analysis that have you covered. I’m a RWBY guy first and foremost. The stream for the panel can be found here. RWBY and Genlock start at 2:29:00. 

Also while I’m rambling, my spoiler tags for RWBY Volume 6 will be universallly “RWBY Volume 6 Spoilers,” and “RWBY Volume 6 Chapter X Spoilers,” both of which will be removed after the episode is made live the week later. Speaking of, this has a Read More because spoilers for the first episode of Volume 6 are within.

I will say upfront the first half hour of this panel is insane in how poorly managed it feels, particularly the part where a Camp Camp episode got shown for... whatever reason. For the record, they cut six times overall during the panel. 

Panel hosted by Gray, Miles, Kerry, Chad Jones from ScrewAttack and the RWBY Girls.

News that was already known: Shonen Jump manga (new manga art here), Qrow statue, After The Fall. 

Ruby’s character will be undergoing a shift- not a proper edgelord shift but she’ll be a bit more hardened. 

Weiss got a new update to her costume- it was a bit too soon for a full costume shift, but Weiss has gotten herself a red scarf and blue stockings (the scarf is a callback to the V4 World of Remnant on the SDC, where Weiss’s grandfather Nicholas was depicted with such a scarf. Also White Rose fans were really happy).

The panel had a brief teaser for the first episode of Volume 6. We open with a train battle, RWBY fighting off some aerial Grimm. It cuts to the White Fang hideout, where Adam has made his return. He wants his throne back but the rest of White Fang don’t accept him. They still remember how he ran away from the last battle. Adam kills them and takes the throne (cue an Aggressive Negotiations Prequel Meme). We also learn he’s still mad at Blake for betraying him, and is holding a grudge.The next scene showed RWBY and Co. in a train station, preparing to leave for Argus. Qrow sends a letter to Atlas to explain what happened in the Battle of Haven. Blake and Ilia say their goodbyes. Ilia’s going back to Haven to help Blake’s family rebuild. The two share a hug, then part ways.Sun shows up and says that he is going back to his home. He wants to team up with his old crew, including Neptune, who shows up to hit on Ilia. Blake jokes that he is barking up the wrong tree. After everything that happened in Volume 5, Sun decides he needs to become a better team leader. Blake decides she needs to be with her team. Blake gives Sun a kiss on the cheek and rejoins Team RWBY.

Rooster Teeth also will be working with DC Comics for some kind of RT show comic adaptation- various sources are reporting it as both GenLock and RWBY are getting comics

Sphinx Grimm confirmed, it’s the Grimm on the V6 poster.

First question is just a thanks. 

Can we get a What’s Up You Fucking Cunts from Barb? She obliged. 

Miles, what would you like the fans to ask you? Any question that has nothing to do with anything important. “What’s your favorite dinosaur?” 

Gray, what was it like to pick VAs for GenLock? Scary. 

Chad. Who would win between Pyrrha and Carolina? Arryn points out that Pyrrha could use her Semblance on Carolina’s armor and Chad admits that would tip the scales. 

Gray, what are Gen;Lock’s inspirations? Star Wars, Star Trek, Galactica, some Japanese shows like Giant Robo, Ultraman and Starblazer. Mecha-wise, early and modern Gundam, Full Metal Zero. A lot of cyberpunk like William Gibson’s novels. 

Chad takes the piss out of Gray for rambling about inspirations during a lightning round.

Miles, What keeps you wanting to write? "I love telling stories and at the end of the day I've come to realize it doesn't matter where you tell those stories but if you're given an opportunity to do it then you should take that chance cuz not everyone gets a chance.”

Ever miss your private lives? Most of the gang still find private time. To an extent yes, but the pros outweigh the cons.

What would your semblance be? Lindsay- summoning cats. Arryn never knows. Kara- something with money. Barb- Yang’s semblance. Kerry- the ability to have two different paths of thought at the same time without having anxiety. Miles- the power to take light energy and use them for flashbang attacks. Chad- some kind of sonic amplification. Gray- the power to put all the merch he bought in his luggage.

Would Prinny be in Death Battle? Chad doesn’t know who Prinny is. 

What’s the central theme of this volume? Nothing easy to talk about pre-release. “It’s part of a big lesson that needs to be learned by some people this season and hopefully you’ll learn it by the end too.” 

No ship questions. A pleasant surprise. Panel was quite dry, too much cutting and skipping and the first half hour was a complete chore. I’m also very disappointed to hear that Ilia’s not going, since her dynamic with Weiss could have been a highlight of the season in Atlas. 

So yeah. 4/10 panel, too many cuts.

[yourbrotherzulu]

Beginningless

Time is such an odd thing. Everyone is in such a rush. Trying to get this, trying to become that. Missing what they have and what they already are.

Life could be beautiful. Full of appreciation and gratitude for the beauty all around. But instead: more of this pleasurable thing, less of that unpleasant thing. And what’s inside is decaying instead of thriving.

A few years ago, I said fuck this and fuck that, left my home and my job, put my last bucks together, gave my balls a last scratch and started to travel without a plan. Just a ticket to India, and that was it.

And then another ticket. And another one. And God knows where the money came frome (and I mean that literally). And now I am hanging out inna hamock in the peruvian jungle with my best friend, a black fluffy monkey and try to put something in words, that is actually beyond words. But since I deal in words, I should be able to throw a bunch of them together, spice them a little bit and hopefully they give a good flavour and make a little sense.

What is there to describe?

Something that is magical and yet the realest reality there is.

Something that is everywhere and yet no one finds it.

Something that is so close and yet no one sees it.

Something that is there in abundance and yet no one takes it.

Something that is everything and yet in its core is pure nothingness.

The one selfless Self.

Somethin’ like that.

God, someone said to me once, is just a word. And in a way I agree, I would even go so far to say its a cursed word. It’s not a word like Om, where everyone feels spiritual like a smoking stick of incense after three times chanting it. It’s a word that wakes up so much associations in peoples mind, so dependent on their upbringing. It’s a word that I almost don’t dare to speak out loud but yet it’s the only word that really matters. And most of it is beyond matter anyway.

Consciousness. Everybody has it. But just a few investigate it. And even fewer investigate it within themselves. I mean who the fuck has time for this anyway, right? Although the real question is: who the fuck takes time for it? You see, if you are fortunate enough to one day stumble upon the idea that you and everyone around you is as eternal as eternity can be, here since beginningless time and here for a long, long while longer, then you might think it’s a good idea to take a moment to find out who you really are. And then you take the luxury of another moment, and then another one and after a few more you’ll find that the moment has become eternal. A vibrant flow of stillness, running through the center of your own being: Life.

The Self. There is a Self, there is no Self, there is a Self, there is no Self. We gonna discuss this in more detail later, since this divine paradox is actually the very foundation of creation. There are a few more of these divine paradox (es? a? oxeses? who gives a shitses?) and the integation of those always brings revelation...

What is this, that you call yourself? The images that you hold dear? Aren’t they changing like the seasons? The thoughts that are running through your head? Aren’t they as transient as clouds in the sky? Your body, that is so close to you? Isn’t it changing, growing and decaying over time, constantly creating and devouring it’s own cells? So where is the Self, that you call “I”? Is it the one who asks these questions? Or is it the one that can observe the one who asks the questions?

Maybe the monkey knows. He looks like he knows. His face looks calm and wise and his hands are tiny and soft and its finger approaching the holes of my nose.

and prngejekjessing on the kefeyboard.

Thanks monkey. you just ruined the page! That’s it! No more bananas for you lil’ fucker!

God, Consciousness and the Self. That sounds like a humble thread.

Reality is a funny thing, isn’t it? Every night you create whole worlds, with it’s own physics and a plethora of characters in your imagination. What if I told you, that this whole thing you experience in a waking state is not much different? A little bit though, since were all dreaming it up together, co-creating our world. You see, the word “Buddha” means literally “someone who has woken up”.

And it’s not as if there are not already volumes over volumes about this stuff. Waking up. Liberating oneself. Reaching enlightenment. Scratching balls. Songs over song and scriptures over scriptures. Philosophers, Poets, Saints, Mystics, Scientists, they all wrote about it.

But I am not a saint, nor a philospher, neither a scientist, and a poet only when I take a dump on the first, bright morning of spring.

I was a criminal. And a total failure, a depressed, angry piece of shit, spreading misery. I was alone. I had nothing. Well I had a lot of misery...

And now... Happy, every day, free and fresh. And my relations are awesome. To my family, my friends, even to those who have once been my enemies. To myself, who sometimes has been an even bigger enemy to me then everyone else. And to my God, who probably has been my biggest enemy of them all, back then, when I was still full of fear. My God, who is now not only my best friend (bestest), but also my father, my mother, my master, my lover, my home, my goal, my road, who I learn to see in every situation and in every being I encounter.

Life has turned into the most magical thing.

And I have become a child. And I guess that’s why they finally opened the gates.

Know thyself, they say, and you’ll know all the wonders of the universe.

Unless you become like children, they say, the gates of heavens will remained closed.

It’s because you are it. The universe. The wonders. The Self. The only one being that is actually there. And you are the child of it. The father and the son, or daughter... you are it.

And I believe, since everyone is so fucked up these days and tryin‘ to find themselves, maybe I could help a little. Or entertain someone. Or at least kill some time and write somethin‘ that no one will ever read.

But I feel I have a few stories to share.

But I dont know yet in what way.

I want it to be honest and fantastical at the same time.

It should be both smooth and classy and raw and uncensored.

I wanted it to be fuckin' noble

like a Buddha statue

behind a line of cocain

I want it to be serious and dark and funny and light

every text should be a poem, an essay a report, an adventure, an inspiration, and yet remaining empty and somehow vague for each reader to make it their own.

I want it to be always about God and never mention that cursed word even once. (well I guess, that goal is already missed.)

I wanna say thank you. To everyone I ever met. To every hardship and every joyride. To God who has always been there, especially in the Dark Nights.

I want to write about them, those Dark Nights of the Soul and guide you until you see the morning light again.

I want it to be full with hard and red cocks and wet, dripping pussies, obscene and perverted and then again just write pages over pages about how I try not to masturbate (many pages about not masturbating).

I want it to be spiritual, ancient and yet fresh and fly, timeless and yet contemporary, profound and yet funny. Like consciousness itself. Like waking up on a spring day. Next to a beautiful, naked woman who is still sleeping and drooling, while you’re making fresh orange juice and getting some croissants for her. Yeah, like that.

I want it to be about Jesus and Buddha and Bob Marley, but in a cool way. Like really cool. Because these dudes were cool, thats for sure.

And they certainly didn’t want to be forcefed to people by them hippocrates. They just wanted to share the treasure they found. Because they knew this treasure waits in every human heart to be discovered. They never intended to be forced upon anyone. Quite the opposite.

I don’t want to have an introduction... wait a minute...

It should be a trip. Just a trip.

I always hated writing about myself but whenever I wrote about anything else, people asked to please keep on writing about myself and share my thoughts and feelings. So I guess, that’s what I am gonna write about.

Me. Because at the end. You are just another me. And I am just another you. But the God inside is always the same.

Maybe I just want to share something.

How to be happy, I guess.

And a little bit of poetry.

Maybe I do know what I want to write about.

Maybe tomorrow I start again from the beginning. Who knows?

But just when I stopped scratching my monkeys head and finally found some words

 ...

The Universe changed the damn script.

And time started and killed my sweet timelessness.

...

[atopfourthwall]

State of the Wall: 8-8-18

Some big History of Power Rangers news, some big DVD news, and various other things in this one!

Schedule of Upcoming Episodes 8/6 – Ravage 2099 #2 8/13 – Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man #2 8/20 – Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: Safeguarding the Environment 8/27 – Mr. T and the T-Force #4 Star Trektember 9/3 – Star Trek #2 (DC) 9/10 – Star Trek 2009 Comic Adaptation 9/17 – Star Trek: The Next Generation #4 9/24 – Star Trek #1 (Gold Key)

As always, the schedule is subject to change for any reason – particularly if something happens in my personal life that forces me to interrupt the regular schedule, as what happened in the last few months (in case you somehow haven’t heard – flooding in my basement, car crash, etc.). As such, one episode that I had originally scheduled for this block of episodes has been bumped and I HOPE to add it back in as a double feature for one of these weeks, but I make no promises because my schedule is very busy – especially around this time of year as I start gearing up for Longbox of the Damned. On that note…

Longbox of the Damned Two big things for Longbox that hopefully you guys can be made aware of! First and foremost is that the Longbox of the Damned 2018 Bumper Contest has begun! You can see more details HERE, but the short version is that like the last two years, you can submit an end-of-video bumper for Longbox and 31 of them will be shown off! The ending date is September 15th and the exact rules and regulations can be found in the video I just linked.

Otherwise, as per the Patreon Milestone, this year we’re having another Midsummer’s Nightmare! It’s a brief one – a four-episode Godzillathon premiering on Saturdays throughout August first on a regular Saturday Night livestream before then being made public on its own. Details can be found in THIS VIDEO, so check that out and I hope you enjoy them!

History of Power Rangers As a reminder, the Ninja Steel videos won’t be scheduled until the series is complete and it’s all out on DVD. As of right now, I have the first season of Ninja Steel on preorder, but Super Ninja Steel isn’t yet complete.

So of course a while ago when I announced I was going to be putting History of Power Rangers on youtube in new versions only and completely replacing the old versions, I was operating under the assumption that I could knock them out pretty quickly since I had the scripts done. However, due to storyline stuff in Atop the Fourth Wall, all the prepwork necessary for the 10th anniversary, my own personal life issues that keep getting in the way of everything, and just basically EVERY OTHER THING IN THE WORLD KEEPING ME BUSY it has taken far longer than I expected them to go back up.

I still want to finish their revised versions and make those the official version, but until I can finalize all that, I’ve uploaded them to Vimeo. There’s still the potential for them to be taken down for Copyright reasons, but at this point I’m willing to risk it. Even youtube is having issues with stuff now as they’ve revised their ContentID algorithm and some videos have been hit by multiple ContentID claims (sometimes not showing up until a few days after I reupload them). I want people to actually be able to see them, especially as people have been following the instruction to circulate the links and people have found them missing. So yeah, all History of Power Rangers videos are up now in SOME form – be it youtube or Vimeo.

Eventually, the new versions WILL supplant the old ones, but these ones should be a lot easier to download through Vimeo than they were on Vid.me, so feel free to pirate to your heart’s content the ones on Vimeo (as long as you don’t reupload them to youtube). Don’t worry about costing me revenue for downloading them – Vimeo doesn’t use advertising for its videos. If you still feel like contributing something for all the work (especially since the downside of Vimeo is that *I* have to pay to use it), feel free to buy a DVD, a t-shirt, sending money to the Patreon – it’s all good. Ooooor you can purchase a DVD digitally, which brings us to the next point.

Digital DVDs I’ve been talking about doing this forever, but it’s finally happened! One of the advantages of the Vimeo account is a digital distribution platform for the DVDs!

Vimeo has limitations depending on what kind of account you use for how much you can upload per week, so right now because of me having to upload all of History of Power Rangers, only volumes 1 and 2 are currently available for sale. However, volumes 2.5 and 3 WILL be available soon (most likely next week once the weekly restriction resets). I still need to discuss with Screenwave about selling the movie DVD’s contents online, but we’ll see about that.

In the meantime, you can check out volume 1 HERE and volume 2 HERE!

Unfortunately, due to my workload with everything else, I likely won’t have that volume 4 DVD I was teasing for October. Still, when it IS eventually released, there will be a simultaneous digital release on Vimeo.

Patreon Patreon-sponsored review slots will be returning in September! I don’t know if I’ll make a big announcement on social media when it happens, but that’s mostly because there will be a TON of people hoping to get them… and there will still only be two slots available.

As I discussed in the last State of the Wall post, the method of payment WILL change. When you get the slot, you will be charged $50 immediately and that will guarantee your slot. However, you also have to stay into the next month and be charged another $50 for a total of $100 to absolutely have it. Think of the first $50 as your down-payment. This should hopefully keep Patreon-sponsored episodes from overwhelming the schedule as it sometimes has done in the past. You can feel free to hang onto the slot longer if you want, but bear in mind I will STILL have the policy in place that you can only request a review once per year.

On another note, I wanted to ask you guys about something that’s been suggested by some of my colleagues. Patreon has two ways of paying for things – per video/content or per month. I go per month considering I like the stability of knowing how much I make per month plus I sometimes put A LOT of content out there – minimum of four videos with Atop the Fourth Wall. However, the thing about paying per video released is that I don’t have to CHARGE people for every single video put out (nor would I), so it’s not like, say, if it was October and you were a $2 patron that you’d suddenly get $64 charged for Longbox for that month. You can also put restrictions on how much you’re willing to pay – so if you were a $5 patron, but you don’t want to overspend, you could limit it and say “I cannot be charged for more than $10 for this month.”

This would likely alter how I do the reward tiers and if you ARE interested in me switching to per-video I’d love to hear suggestions on how you’d prefer the reward tiers be handled – is the $10 reward of getting your name in the credits now for anyone who has a minimum of $10 in a single month… or is it still just for the people who are pledging $10 per video? That sort of thing.

Let me know what you guys think!

Conventions Power Morphicon – As indicated in the Power Rangers Turbo vs. Beetleborgs Metallix review, I will be returning to Power Morphicon this summer! I was last there in 2010 when I had nothing to really show for it other than some minor name value for having done History of Power Rangers, but this time around I should have a live show and get to hang out with some other Power Rangers-related youtubers. Power Morphicon is on August 17-19 at the Anaheim Convention Center in Anaheim, CA! And as a reminder for that one, if you can’t attend to get the exclusive Lord Drakkon figure, you can purchase a non-attending badge and have it shipped to you! LionCon – Another Minnesota convention! I’ll be at LionCon at the River’s Edge Convention Center in St. Cloud, Minnesota on September 22nd-23rd! I’ll be doing a live show, selling stuff at a table – that kind of thing. Come on out and have some fun!

[bytheangell]

Support System: Chapter 1

(moodboard courtesy of @kindaresilient <3) 

 When Alec’s favorite show gets cancelled and he takes to messaging customer service repeatedly to show his support, he doesn’t expect to connect so easily with the support representative he keeps getting paired off with. 

(Read on AO3!)  

Alec can’t believe that his favorite show is cancelled. Gone, just like that, with one decision from someone who decided the cost of production wasn’t worth the impact it had on the fans, nevermind the fact that it is easily the most popular show on the network. It’s bullshit, and as much as he tries to be mad over the whole thing he can’t seem to get past sad first. It hurts. It hurts because he saw himself in so much of that show; in the stories being told, the characters telling them, the words they said and the way they laughed and loved and hoped…. it feels like the death of a friend more than the end of a television show.

He goes to bed upset, and sleep comes uneasily that night, uneven and restless. His mind won’t stop, the sadness refuses to lift. And it isn’t until he turns on the computer early the next morning, the scent of freshly brewing coffee floating to mix with the aroma of french toast from the plate beside him, that he sees it: there’s a movement. Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook… it’s everywhere, on every platform, aimed at every company. It’s amazing.

Alec reads for a while, sifting back through the hours of attention the fans generated as he slept, before deciding to do his part as well. His french toast sits forgotten, coffee cold. A tweet here and a tag there turns into sitting in front of his computer for two hours that feel more like 2 minutes, ending with a suggested message to the Customer Support Chat to make sure they are aware that this fandom, his fandom, was nothing to ignore.

Support: You are chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: Hello! What may I assist you with today?

Alec: Hi! I was just writing to say that it sucks you guys cancelled The Hunt, and if there is absolutely any chance of reconsidering, well, that would be great! Alec: I really like that show. No, I love it. It menas so much to me and honestly, not to be dramatic, but I’m a little heartbroken that it’s going to be over so soon. Magnus: I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t have any information on it being picked back up, but I’ll definitely pass along the sentiment. Alec: Thanks! Magnus: Anything else I can help you with? Alec: Uh, no, I guess that’s it. Thanks again. This chat has ended.

Alec’s surprised to find his heart beating faster than usual - why do conversations with strangers have to be so anxiety-inducing? -  but he did it. And he feels better knowing he tried, if nothing else.

As the day continues the stories do, too. People talking about how much the characters mean to them, how they helped them through tough times, or in learning to accept themselves, or about how much inspiration they found there for works of fanart and writing. The hashtags and e-mails and chats continue. Shared screencaps online show people holding entire conversations in them, sharing personal stories, getting real reactions from the people on the other end. Once isn’t enough, Alec decides. Another message couldn't hurt. It's midnight now, but there's a 4 minute wait this time, and Alec smiles knowing what the other people in line before him are there for, too.

Support: You are chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: Hello, is this about The Hunt? Alec: ...you’re getting a lot of this aren’t you? Magnus: You don’t even know the half of it. Alec: Sorry.   Magnus: No, don’t be sorry! I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. It’s the job, after all. Please, let me know what’s on your mind about it! Alec: Probably a lot of the same. This show just means so much to so many of my friends and me. Magnus: So I’ve heard! If the representation is half as good as everyone keeps telling me today, I’m actually a little upset I didn’t watch it myself. Alec: It’s probably twice as good as people are letting on. Honestly. Magnus: Well, if they don’t put us on overtime for all of this, maybe I’ll watch some later. Alec: Hah. Thanks for listening again. Good luck. Magnus: I’ll need it. This chat has ended.

He takes a bit of a break to clean up the apartment and eat a little food before contacting support one last time before bed, though Ragnor F. is a lot less amiable to talk to than the first guy was. He doesn’t think about it again until the next morning when he opened up the chat again at 6:30 am to find a 6 minute wait this time.

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: I can’t wait to talk with you about The Hunt. Sorry if that isn’t what you’re here for, I’m playing the odds today. Alec: ...I think we spoke yesterday. Magnus: It’s entirely possible, Alec. But with this sort of volume you’ll have to forgive me for not remembering specific interactions. Alec: Oh, yeah, of course not. Alec: Well, you’re right. That is why I’m here. Magnus: You know, the lot of you were so convincing yesterday a bunch of us went back to my place after our shift and watched a few episodes? Alec: What did you think? Magnus: I wasn’t so sure at first, but it was just starting to pick up a bit when we had to call it a night. I almost didn’t want to stop watching, but I knew I’d need my energy to keep up with all the messages today. Just try not to spoil too much for me, I’m only three and a half episodes in but I’m going to watch more later. Alec: Oh my god that’s amazing. I’m glad you like it!   Magnus: I’m not sure I want to get too invested in something I know is cancelled, though. Alec: I mean, hopefully it isn’t! Any word on that yet? Magnus: Sorry, nothing official from the higher ups. Just that they see your interest and note your concerns. Touching, right? Alec: Totally. Well, thanks anyway. This chat has ended.

He has work, a welcome distraction, and then another polite but short conversation with a Catarina L. with the same lack of any new updates during his lunch break at work, but falls asleep early back home. When he jolts awake at 3 am and can’t fall back asleep he decides to give Support another chat, since it couldn’t hurt, and it isn’t like he’s doing anything else at 3 am anyway.

Support: You are Chatting with Magnus B. Magnus: How long is the wait to talk right now? Alec: Only 5 minutes. Also you again? Are you the only person that works here? Magnus: The graveyard shift is a lot less staffed than the others, but you guys are certainly  keeping us on our toes. I haven’t actively spoken to this many people between 1 and 6 am since I started here… Maybe even the entirety of all my shifts combined. Alec: Well, at least you’re more fun to talk to than some of the others. Magnus: Oh dear, have you been sent to Ragnor’s chat? Honestly, I keep telling him he needs to find a new job but the higher-ups appreciate his ‘efficiency’. Alec: I want you to know I literally laughed out loud just now. Magnus: I’m honored.   Alec: Did you get to watch any more episodes? Magnus: YES. I’m halfway through the first season now and if I wasn’t sold before I certainly am now. I figured it had to get better, and it IS. Come back tomorrow night and I’ll likely be through the whole season at this rate. Alec: Well, if I’m going to do this all day to get the show picked back up I can at least make sure to recruit a new Hunter out of it. Magnus: Hunter? Alec: Fandom term, for someone who likes the show. Magnus: Makes sense. I like it. Alec: Guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then. Magnus: It’s a date. This chat has ended.

It’s a date? Alec brushes off the words, though there’s a small smile playing on his lips at the idea of Magnus, whoever he was, wherever he was, waiting for his name to pop back up in that chat box the next night. Don’t be silly, he chastises himself. He didn’t mean anything by it. He has to be nice to everyone, it’s his job. Of course it is.  Though something about it feels… more than that, somehow? Which is ridiculous, though it doesn’t stop him from blushing at the realization that he’s actually looking forward to tomorrow night.

[loreweaver-universe]

Well.  That was a pair of fascinating episodes.  I’m gonna talk about them in reverse order, because Reasons.

Your Mother and Mine (and I’ve been listening to a lot of My Brother My Brother And Me lately so it is so difficult not to mangle that episode title) kinda seems like it never pays off the premise of the title, unless the implication is meant to be that Garnet views Rose as a mother instead of as a friend/colleague.  It was a pretty good episode all around--we learned some neat things about the rebellion, got some great animation and character interactions, and pretty much everyone but Fluorite had some fun moments!  And, man, I am just never gonna get tired of the Padparadscha joke if they keep executing it this well.

Jungle Moon was...man I wish more episodes were like this one.  A kickass sci-fi setting, subtle worldbuilding, interesting bits of Stevonnie’s physiology, and some overt worldbuilding and a history lesson in one of the most fascinatingly unnerving and surreal sequences the show’s ever had?  I love it!  My only real complaint is that Stevonnie’s never really come into their own as a person.  If you think about it a certain way, Garnet is Ruby multiplied by Sapphire, with her own character traits and views and abilities, but Stevonnie has only ever been Steven plus Connie.  There’s nothing truly their own about Stevonnie, and that really needs to be addressed.

Jungle Moon comes in at my new #1 for Season Five (knocking Off Colors off its pedestal) and my new #10 overall (just short of Mr. Greg, and finally edging Jailbreak out of the top ten).

Your Mother and Mine comes in at my new #6 for Season 5, between Raising the Barn and The Trial, and my new #52 for the show overall, between Three Gems and a Baby and Steven the Sword Fighter.

Up next iiiiiiissssss...The Big Show!  Are we going back to Sadie?

WHAT’S ELSE IS UP WITH ME?

I’m not yet fully healed–my last round of antibiotics didn’t fully clear me out, and I’m going back shortly to see if they think I need more.  I’m mostly feeling better, though, and my face isn’t trying to turn itself inside-out, so just having to take a tylenol before bed once in a while is a huge improvement.  I’m gonna try to start streaming again–my s/o has actually shown me a very helpful reminder app that’s helped me start getting my habits in order, so I’m gonna hopefully start maintaining some kind of schedule!  In the meantime, if you’d like more of me:

My Discord server, where you can come hang out with other fans!

My Twitch channel, where I stream Minecraft and miscellaneous games!

My Youtube channel, where you can check out past streams!

Our community also has guilds in Path of Exile and Clicker Heroes (yes, really) that you can inquire about in the Discord chat.  We’re also running a weekly online Magic the Gathering league in the Discord server, so come check that out if you’re a player!

If you’d like to help support me financially (yes please) you can use my direct donation link to put some food on my shelf, or pledge to my Patreon if you want to support me per episode completed, which not only allows you to vote on what shows I do next now that I’ve begun my Madoka Magica liveblog, but also grants access to the Minecraft server I stream from to $5 patrons or higher!

It’s your kindness and support that lets me do this stuff, and I wouldn’t be where I am without all of you to do it for.  Thank you all so much for your support, and for tuning in every episode!

OTHER PEOPLE YOU MAY ENJOY:

I may have been one of the earlier Steven Universe liveblogs, but a whole community of livebloggers has sprung up over the last two years!   Here’s a few people you might want to check out:

Minda Reads started out liveblogging Order of the Stick because I recommended it so much, and has expanded his liveblog repertoire to include Paranatural and Homestuck, as well as show liveblogs for Steven Universe and RWBY!

Krixwell has been liveblogging the superhero web novel Worm for quite some time now.  Even for us, that’s an odd choice, but go check him out!

Zephyr is a complete lunatic who liveblogs at approximately mach twelve.  I’ve never seen anybody in our community match him for speed or volume of content produced, and he’s got the largest set of shows by far–everything from Steven Universe to Madoka Magica to Samurai Champloo to Steins;Gate to Neon Genesis Evangelion.  If you’re tired of the slow pace I liveblog at, or just want a ton of variety, go check out Zephyr.

Wyblogging has a list that varies a bit more widely from what Zephyr and I do, including not just new episodes of Steven Universe, but Camp Camp, Gravity Falls, and a couple other things.  Go take a look!

Time Machine is hard to pin down–a variety liveblogger with titles varying from Hunter x Hunter to Magic Mike to The Peanuts Movie to Wynonna Earp.   Yeah, I did kind of a double take when I saw “Magic Mike” on her liveblog list too.

KatDiscovers is a newer liveblogger on the list, who started liveblogging Steven Universe at The New Crystal Gems and is in the process of doing SU eps to keep up with me, as well as Over the Garden Wall!

[aion-rsa]

Rick and Morty Season 5 Finale Review

https://ift.tt/2YvqrFQ

This RICK AND MORTY review contains spoilers.

Rick and Morty Season 5 Finale

It’s been a while, so let’s first recap the consistent problems with season five of Rick and Morty. Problem one is that characterization feels like it’s either pushed aside in favor of crazy, silly sci-fi nonsense or lost in a muddle of convoluted sci-fi nonsense. Problem two is that episodes are so overloaded with plot and dialogue delivered at such breakneck speed that there’s either no time for jokes or, packed in with everything else going on in these overstuffed episodes, they just don’t land. The missing characterization issue isn’t exclusive to season five, but the lack of laughs is; this has easily been the least-funny season yet.

Now, finally, after a month’s wait, we get the two-part season finale! Does it manage to avoid the problems that have haunted this season until now?

Not really! But some of it certainly looked cool.

“Forgetting Sarick Mortshall”

Though they’re both about testing the strength of Rick and Morty’s relationship and the first does directly lead into the next by virtue of… crows… these really are two separate episodes with two different focuses and tones. This first one is closer to a “normal” season five episode. Sure, it’s got Rick pissing Morty off so much that he goes off on his own anti-Rick adventure (with a dude fittingly named Nick), but, for the majority of the runtime, it’s not handled like it’s all that big of a deal.

Regardless, the inciting incident here of Morty accidentally getting portal juice on his hand, thus creating a portal in his hand that connects to Nick’s thigh is a really clever one. It’s unfortunate that an odd side effect of a series with a premise that allows for infinite sci-fi possibilities is that many concepts, no matter how much creative effort is put behind them, feel like retreads that fall into a similar category (e.g., the season premiere with its Narnia world that evolved at hyper-speed felt not entirely dissimilar from the sequence of Morty living an entire life in “The Vat of Acid Episode” which, in turn, felt not so dissimilar from that time he played Roy: A Life Well Lived). However, this portal in the hand thing feels totally new and fresh.

They get some good mileage out of it too, with some cool action sequences (like Jackie Chan!) and inspired moments like Morty making a dude eat shit, literally, by transferring the contents of a chamber pot by way of the hand/thigh portal system or when Nick takes control of the car Morty’s driving by sticking his hand through Morty’s portal hand. It’s also used smartly in the most effective dramatic moment in “Forgetting Sarick Mortshall” when Morty chooses to destroy his portal connection to Rick by placing his hand on a train track so that it’s severed off, and then drops the hand-portal into Nick’s thigh-portal to kill him. It’s all very clever, well-executed stuff, though, typing it out, it sure sounds weird.

How Morty comes to the decision to sever his hand and connection to Nick is less well-executed. It unfortunately brought to mind the episode with Planetina, perhaps the worst of season five, as in both episodes Morty realizes the person he’s spending time with ain’t so great because—shock horror—they’re cool with killing innocent people! Yes, Morty has a moral core, so it’s not like it doesn’t make some sense, but it’s just that, with the amount of people he and Rick murder out of petty anger or just by happenstance all the time, it feels like they need to sell his change of heart a little more.

The other half of this episode is about Rick replacing Morty with two crows, at first as a joke, but then he gradually comes to realize crows are actually cool and can teach him about empathy. The idea of it is that this “two crows” thing is engineered to be a silly, one-off inanity, but then the joke becomes so much more as the writers sincerely explore the concept. However, it never really successfully elevates itself above its initial inane premise. I still just found myself thinking “What is this crow bullshit? Why crows?”

It’s also becoming a bit of a predictable Rick and Morty staple that characters that appear incidental at first actually have a whole society and way of life we get to learn all about (the face-huggers, the Narnia people, the Chuds). It’s an obvious plot device to return to seeing as this is a sci-fi series about visiting new universes and alien worlds all the time, so it would be irrational to suggest they stop doing it altogether, but did this particular plot really need to go in that direction? The introduction of the crow society comes out of nowhere and it isn’t convincing that Rick decides to follow a path of empathy with his two crows right after he just killed a whole bunch of other crows. Anyway, the only thing that makes the crow plot “interesting” is that the writers commit to it so hard it carries into the next episode.

Season five style, “Forgetting Sarick Mortshall,” is not funny. I chuckled at the very last moment in the tag when Garbage Goober said “Mmm, trash, I love trash” and I smiled at Rick’s (possibly improv’d) rant about watching sitcoms on your shoes, but that was about it. Still, at least there were the aforementioned clever moments and it got a tiny bit emotional when Morty told Rick “I miss you, man” and when Rick admitted their relationship was abusive.

“Rickmurai Jack”

Lore, lore, lore! How do you like it? Hopefully you like it lots because “Rickmurai Jack” is chock full of the stuff!

The Rick and Morty team, however, absolutely hate it! Well, they can’t totally hate it, or they wouldn’t have bothered to make this episode, but they definitely have an acrimonious relationship with continuity and canon. Dan Harmon has stated before that giving Rick a tragic backstory would ruin the character and Rick himself reaffirms that opinion in the episode. In fact, the writers can’t help themselves in breaking the fourth wall throughout to remind us how much Rick hates canon and how it’s better to “keep it episodic.”

It’s understandable why they resent canon. It’s got to be much easier to write one-off, funny sci-fi adventures than to sustain serialized plots told over multiple episodes. Unfortunately for them, way the hell back in season one Rick and Morty destroyed their universe, killed alternate universe versions of themselves, and took their places. The series kept this plot point intact, referencing it later, and also gradually made Morty’s character more jaded in response to this, as well as the many other horrors he witnessed. In other words, they made this canon bed and now they have to have adventures in it (I know how this sounds and I’m fine with it).

Before it gets to all that serious canon, however, “Rickmurai Jack” has to honor the continuity of the previous episode by tidying away the stupid crow plot. The continuity is certainly sound: the crows weren’t funny in the last episode and they’re not funny in this one either! There’s an anime intro. There are villains whose names flash on the screen in big letters. There’s an arch-villain named CrowScare who has sex with Rick’s crows. Yeah. Fine. At least this part is done away with relatively quickly. (Side note: Odd that Rick becomes a bird-based superhero and yet there is nary a reference to Bird Person.)

Read more

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After this, the episode maintains the season five status quo by continuing to be unfunny. I don’t believe I laughed at this one at all, although I liked Evil Morty’s line, “I lied. That second seat’s a toilet.” The lack of comedy is a bit more forgivable, however, as “Rickmurai Jack” isn’t trying as hard to be funny. This really is the loreiest lorepisode they’ve ever done and so the focus is on backstory and continuity to do with Evil Morty’s long-gestating plan.

As one of the annoying nerds constantly complaining that this show doesn’t do enough character development anymore, I know I’m supposed to be thankful for this episode (Rick angrily says as much) and I am, somewhat. It’s cool to see Evil Morty again and to hear his awesome theme music. Personally, I was never asking for Rick backstory and I’m a bit surprised his origins more or less are just the easy answer of “dead wife” after all, but sure, that’s fine. More profound and fucked up is the origin of all the Mortys in the multiverse, engineered by Ricks to be the perfect sidekick.

I just wish all this development hadn’t been given to me, season five style, in such volume at such speed. The fact of the matter is I was straight-up confused about what the hell was going on sometimes. I understood Evil Morty’s plan enough to get that he’s extricating himself from the cycle of Ricks and Mortys (and maybe ending the cycle forever?), but where did he fly to? Did he kill every Rick and Morty ever except our protagonists and whoever they escaped with or just everyone in the Citadel for some reason? Did he remove all portal fluid from the multiverse? I also lost the plot of Rick’s backstory, not understanding why he was going around killing all these other Ricks until I watched it back and realized he was going after the Rick who had killed his wife and kid Beth; I still feel it could’ve been more clearly presented though. Also confusing was the sequence in Rick uses some of his blood to create Big Boy(?) who… transfers power to Rick when he’s attacked… or something?

Look, I know how this goes. I’m a stupid moron and the nerds in the comments will be more than ready to let me know that everything that was confusing to me was, in fact, completely obvious, duh-doy, and here’s why and I should stop watching the series, and so on, and so forth. However, something I’ve always marveled at (as I did only two episodes ago) with Rick and Morty is, despite how crazy and layered its ambitious plotting gets, I never lose track of what’s happening. So, either my very high IQ is dropping points or this shit was kind of confusing.

Regardless, it’s appreciated the creators of this show finally gave in and threw a bunch of continuity and canon in my whining face. It just would’ve been nicer if it had been delivered in a clearer way that was easier to process and to feel something about. Like, every time Evil Morty has appeared in the series, he’s been an intimidating and chilling presence. I did get chills when his theme song kicked in this time, but that was more of a Pavlovian response earned from his previous appearances. Otherwise, I was just bewildered by all the information being chucked at me. Still, if nothing else, it was certainly a cool-looking spectacle.

What’s best about this episode is what it sets up for the next season. Who knows how long they’ll stick with this, but it’s implied that Rick is out of portal juice, which makes him that much less god-like and which could maybe, finally, reintroduce some actual stakes into Rick and Morty instead of every episode being about a sarcastic unstoppable murderous sci-fi family. I truly do look forward to that.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The other best thing is Mr. Poopybutthole’s profound advice that we should be brave enough to love the people who love us back. Thank you for your wisdom, Mr. Poopybutthole.

The post Rick and Morty Season 5 Finale Review appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[tricksterxangel]

First of all, I’d like to apologize for virtually disappearing from this blog since the Season Finale. Yes, I am still alive, & yes, I do still very much love Gabriel (& Sam, & Supernatural in general).

Personally I have had a rough month & a half or so...going on two months I guess.

On 6/12 I finally got to have testing done to see if I was on the Autism Spectrum. It was a 5+ hour day of tests & questions & that was prior to going into work & finishing the rest of my regular shift. I had known about this since April, & as it had been getting closer I knew I had been somewhat pulling away a bit from here, just because a lot had been on my mind. The Friday of that week I got my partial diagnosis, I am not on the Autism Spectrum. It looks like I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, Cluster C. With extra high helpings of OCD, Social Anxiety & Depression & a small side of Agoraphobia. So, yay. I have an appointment with my Dr. that prescribes my meds around the middle of next month, so I’ll get some more definitive answers then, (it was a lot to take in that Friday). Also, it looks like I’ll be starting therapy back up again. *sigh*

My work has been an absolute nightmare. The sheer volume of work has gone up like crazy, there isn’t enough of us to get it all done, there is someone out on vacation every week from now until sometime in September; making it harder (but we’ve all earned our vacations). We had a huge inspection (last week, Hell, I can’t remember, yeah, last week) & we got our asses handed to us in a sling. Most of the mistakes were due to our being understaffed, so in the long run, it will help us, because the surveyors will go to their higher-ups saying they don’t know how we do what we do with the amount of staff that we have. But it was still disheartening.

So I’ve made my way through most of the MCU (that I hadn’t seen) except for The Incredible Hulk & Ant-Man. I saw the movie Tag in the theatre (because let’s face it, that was Clint Barton), & I just saw Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom last weekend. I watch Kong: Skull Island & Thor: Ragnarok on a near-nightly rotating basis. Last night was Kong, tonight seems to be a rare off night, I’m saving Ragnarok for tomorrow because tomorrow is my Birthday, & I just like when Bruce hits that button, expecting guns & gets: 🎶IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!🎶 with fireworks.

I’ve always been a Loki Stan (from day fucking one). But I have now (thanks to @spacecrazyartist ) fallen down the Thorki trash can. It’s official, I didn’t jump feet first, I fucking dove. I’ve been reading a lot of fic lately, because it’s one of the few things that I enjoy.

I do have a Loki RP blog it’s @mblarg-its-me-loki if you’d like to follow me. Then I have a side-blog to that: @loki-stone where try to post all the silly MCUverse stuff, Tom Hiddleston appreciation, & other things. It’s a new thing for me, to try & keep my RP blog strictly RP (because this blog is a fucking hot mess), but hopefully I can keep it up.

So anyway, I’m here, I’m alive. Another year older in two more hours...fun times. The big 4-2. The answer to the universe...no I never read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but it was also Fox Mulder’s apartment number; & if that isn’t the answer to the universe, I don’t know what is.

[kalico-to-the-letter]

REVIEW: RWBY – Vol. 5, Ch. 14: “HAVEN’S FATE”

The end is here.

This week gave us: Winning, family therapy, losing, and team bonding.

Spoilers – you know they’ll be mad when you see Cinder looking shocked.

In “Haven’s Fate”, RWBY wraps up its fifth season with a solid finale. There is enough here that makes it a very fine episode. The ending provides the battle-scars I am talking about, with all four of the RWBY girls finally coming back together and sharing a silent, meaningful embrace in reunion – truly, a moment of beauty. The plot is in no great hurry, with the antagonists dispatched and the fighting all but over. This episode is devoted mostly to wrapping up the ramifications of the previous one, and the pace is consistent throughout because of it.

For this finale, I find myself casting the mind back to the premiere of this season. That was not a particularly great episode; it had a specific set of goals it needed to fulfil, and it did so with a general level of competence. There was not a strong theme or hook to the premiere – it just was. And this finale feels similar, for the most part. It tries to have a hook, but heavy hands fumble it and we’re just left with a decent episode that perhaps could have been great.

Look, finales are always tricky. The chances of screwing them up are astronomical, but RWBY has a track record of decent endings under its belt. Volume 3’s finale was a standout piece of brilliance, while the others have all sat on a scale between good and very good – including this one.

I feel that a great season or series finale should carry the weight of the story that has preceded it, and magnify all those affected emotions – the weariness, the relief, the tension. We won’t be returning to this story or visiting the next part of the story anytime soon, so the cathartic feeling that we come away with should hang around for longer than it would after a typical episode.

There is ambition here, an attempt to deliver this feeling at its utmost. The episode tries to push the Yang/Raven confrontation as the central story of the episode, taking the opportunity to flesh out something, anything, of Ravens’ character, while also encapsulating the breadth and depth of Yang’s growth over the years. And I certainly felt something when Yang finally got through to her mother.

But overall, the execution of this angle leaves something to be desired. It gets plenty of time, but as has always been the case with Raven, there’s a hollowness to it all. It’s a shame, too, because this is the first time that we’ve see Raven truly open up and display her full range of emotions. By the end, she realises that Yang has turned her own words against her, stretched her philosophy to the point of contradiction, and, importantly, she’s letting her pain show.  For a moment, one gets the sense that she truly regrets not having been there for her daughter, and when she actually starts crying, she wishes that she had the emotional strength to trade places with Yang, to take the physical and symbolic burden of that Relic upon her own shoulders.

Yeah, something doesn’t click here.

This sudden vulnerability from Raven is clearly supposed to be a surprise. But the surprise is a misplaced one – Raven has given us nothing this season, and I mean that. Her character has been a consistent letdown this season, and this episode tries to reverse that. Sure, one could say that everything until now has been a mask (beneath the actual mask, if you will), and she only ever kept it on to keep her focused – and that Yang’s constant reappearances in her life have been destabilising for her – but no. In the course of her story in this finale alone, Raven’s emotions flit all over the spectrum. And while they provide some insight into her honest feelings, this just feels too late. Before, she was bland. But this performance has rendered her formless to the point of my own frustration. It’s impossible for me to fully invest in her emotions in this episode, because everything that came before it seemed so determined to mute all traces of her personality.

Her story needed heft, and for the seeds of her inner turmoil to be glimpsed and foreshadowed properly. Simply flicking the switch because the moment requires it isn’t enough.

At least Yang is there to salvage it. All I can say is that she has emerged from her trauma-coloured obscurity in Volume 4 to become a real boss in Volume 5. Seeing her emerge from the Vault in this finale just nailed down how important she has become to the fabric of the show. And she’s not the only one – Blake had rough patches in Menagerie, but ultimately has come out of it looking super strong, and like a proper hero as far as her people are concerned. Weiss was quickly relegated to being on the edges of everything this season, but still managed to be an absolute show-stealer almost anytime she was around. With Atlas all but stated to be a focal point of Volume 6, expect her and her family drama to return to the forefront of the story.

Only Ruby didn’t end up doing much, and that’s something that will hopefully be taken into account for Volume 6. She doesn’t need to claim her prophesied mantle now, but it’s imperative that she takes quicker steps toward it from here on out.

These main characters have shown tremendous growth in their two-year separation, and now that they have finally come back together, the anticipation now lies in seeing how that individual growth affects the function of the team as their next set of challenges approach.

Additional Observations:

- Hopefully, what we saw from Raven in this episode is a prototype for her future. She seemingly took Yang’s words to heart before fleeing in shame, so perhaps all of this will prompt an actual character evolution for her.

- Hah! They did the “Checkmate” thing again!

- I’m sure I said weeks ago that Raven’s little Relic Insurance Gambit didn’t make a whole lot of sense. She said back then that she wanted the relic to buy free reign for her tribe, even though it made more sense that Raven would just hunt her down for it. Odd that someone as clever as her would not have been aware of this possibility. (Or more likely a logic gap in the writing.)

- At last, Leo took his final L. The rest of the the antagonists are living to take another. Except Cinder. Who knows when next we’ll see her? Her quest for ultimate megalomania and revenge was thwarted rather soundly, after all.

- Emerald’s Salem illusion was mad. Not as terrifying as the first glimpse of the Nuckelavee from last season, but hey, scary is scary as far as I’m concerned.

- I like Sun nudging Blake towards her former teammates. Also, Blake and Yang shared a number of looks in this episode which should be criminalised for directly hurting my heart. Also also, Weiss was the first to open her arms to Blake for the group hug. Chill.

Grade: B+

Final Thoughts: “Haven’s Fate” is a very good episode for RWBY to close out Volume 5. It provides the necessary closure to the season’s events, whilst allowing respite for the vanquished antagonists, suggesting that the road for the triumphant heroes may yet climb a few notches in difficulty next time around. Yang and Blake are stars of the episode, both separately and, briefly, with each other. Raven continues to be a troublesome character to invest in despite sharing an emotional scene with Yang, which hurts the episode. 

It is quite fitting that the reunion of the complete Team RWBY is, first and foremost, a healing moment – before they even get into the stories of how this even came to pass, these young women can, without a word, share their pain and joy with each other, and understand it. This enduring feeling and image is a fine way to end this chapter of the story.

Final Thoughts on Volume 5:

 If Volume 4 was a muted and experimental indie film, then Volume 5 was a reprise of original programming – the big-budget action-drama in the multiplex.

This season was certainly not consistent. Much of it was a great episode being followed up by a weaker effort, and following that pattern week-by-week. There was very little hesitation in gambling with episode direction – sometimes this paid off, like making an episode all about Blake or the antagonists, and sometimes it didn’t, like making an episode all about the dry Menagerie politics and Raven’s grating dullness. Nonetheless, this season was not one that lacked for ambition and intent, and I appreciate the continued willingness to take these stories in bold directions, even if it doesn’t always work out. 

Ultimately, I would say that this has been a very good season.  Team RWBY is back, and it feels like we’re getting started again.. – Kallie

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 12 | “Beauty got problems and Brawn got problems”- Autumn

wow. just wow. i sure did just do that and im so proud. i proved to myself im a deserving winner tonight. i will fight to the death to get my allies to the end because lets be real i sure am not making it KJSDFLASFLA.

i was going to start this confessional out in a celebratory tone but YOU KNOW WHAT I STILL AM BECAUSE WE JUST DID THAT. I typically like to be my own biggest hater and drag myself in my confessionals a lot just as a way to clock myself and try to see the other perspective, but BITCH I KNOW I SNAPPED THIS ROUND AND IF YOU DONT THINK I DID LEMME HIT YOU WITH SOME FACTS; FACT: I CORRECTLY USED MY ADVANTAGE AND WON IMMUNITY DURING WHAT WAS A PERTINENT ROUND https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: UPON FINDING OUT I HAD IMMUNITY I KNOW DEVON WAS COMING TO ME TRYING TO KEEP ME UNDER HIS WING, OH YEAH ADAM, JUST VOTE IN THE MINORITY, AND GO ALONG WITH BEING AT THE BOTTOM, AND IT WAS M E DECIDING I DIDNT WANT TO DO THAT AND SPILLING THE TEA THAT LED TO GETTING AN OUTCOME I WANTED https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: it was ME who also went to autumn/ali and started planting seeds of doubt in their minds about jake and it's turning out it's helped me solidify my position with them better https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: It's also still me who's aligned with 2 or 3, if you include jake, of the biggest targets left in the game and i already have augusto and amir sliding in my pms trying to play pity me boo hoo hoo like gorl plea im not buying it but yall wanna keep singing kumbaya? well ill sing the encore and be twice as fake as yall (i DO love them both as people just as a disclaimer but from a game perspective? they're beasts!) https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif ok, boasting over, time to hop off cloud nine and get back to reality because FACT: we all just made a big move, so the target on all of us, including myself, just went up, FACT: i could easily be delusional and maybe i had NOTHING to do with this blindside SJDFA but lemme bask in my fake glory anyway itll be funny to read after at least... FACT: The war has truly only just begun, that was a great victory but if me/ali/autumn are really in it like we're saying, we may still have another idol on our side, but we're gonna need more than that, it's kinda funny we're one brain, one brawn, one beauty and i think that speaks volumes i truly love these gals and think this is a good game route for me. some people might think it's foolish of me to align with the big threats and go deep with them, but who's to say im not worthy of being in their company? if it wasnt for my social connection with devon he wouldve never told me the plan, and then autumn is the smart one so she kept us composed and together, and then ali was the brawn he had the idol and got the job done. So im gonna just try and stick with this for now, hopefully they feel the same and dont try to oust me right away because then ill look like a whole fool and a half OOP, and ill plaster my fake smiles on for everyone else and kiki it up we can haha hehe all day long but i wont hesitate to vote them out because trust and believe. 

Last Day 30 was my last day playing TS: Guyana, so this is a nice feeling to still be here. But now the fun kicks in. Jakey helped orchestrate the Devon blindside with the Ali idol, so I guess we're even. And now, assuming Jakey is still actually with me, which I think he is, I think we can run this game for the longrun. He has access to Ali, Autumn, and Adam and I have access to the three Beauties. I truly see this being beneficial for the both of us in terms of keeping one another safe and allowing us to get to the final six unharmed. Final six is important for me. I'm not sure if I've admitted this in an earlier confessional or not, but I have the Legacy Advantage (thank you Jordan Pines!) that I can use at six. So I just need to survive two more tribals. If I can do that, I have a seat in the final five, probably two more rounds to survive before getting to FTC, and then I have a shot. I really need to start building a resume if I want to win this game, but I think I have a chance. I really need to get Ali and Autumn out in these next three rounds. If I can do that, I see myself being able to make the end with the likes of Jakey, Kendall, Augusto, and maybe Adam (Amir will become a threat at five or six I think) and then I have at least a shot at the win, but I really need to keep my head down, keep the social game going, and make a move or two here.

so. i think i have some explaining to do JKLASDFA huh? i was on calls for the like three hours before tribal so i didn't really confess at all.. in fact i think in my last confessional i said that we were voting 4-3-3 which did not happen at all so i think i need to fill in some gaps huh? so... i have known since like 11pm EST yesterday that i was getting votes tonight. devon told, adam told me and then told autumn, but then autumn didn't want to tell me until later in the day which i honestly do think was fair so we weren't spiralling for hours. we were all sus of jake all day (and lowkey i still am?)... like i dont know when his energy because so shady, plus devon may have told adam that jake was in on the plan? plus he kept saying stuff like the vote has gone "back to kendall" and kept pushing me not to play the idol... something does not add up right with that. anyway so that demonic group of five voted for me, and lied SO much to make me leave with my idol? like why not just make me paranoid, leak the vote to adam or jake then vote autumn get me to waste an idol and then autumn leaves? now that would've been a good move hello?! but that group does not know how to blindside, idols have sabotaged their plans twice and amir/augusto should consider themselves lucky that they are still in the game. also kendall fought me at tribal because i was being cocky... but she literally tried to blindside me into leaving with an idol hello?! i appreciate that she thought she was going, but she is zero to too much way too quick. augusto can literally suck my ass our call was him and his bad excuse for jury management, like can he at least be like amir and pretend to want to work with me? anyway so moving forwards, i wanna vote out kendall or augusto this round. amir can stick around because he at least pretends to wanna work with me plus he is a threat too. idek i just want all the fake people in this tribe gone. i will not vote for adam, autumn or jake. i will vote for any of the others, im not fussed about the order in which i do so. im living on borrowed time in this game and im going to make it count

Sorry this is two parts I thought my friend was gonna die lol but she's fine. Remember kids, there's no dick worth dying over and a straight guy rejecting you is a blessing in disguise these days (considering the alternatives). 

Now on with the show hahaha 

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1-AkqQGDYzlccP1VFwpPNo-aCQPFmoj9Z https://drive.google.com/open?id=1bVcBqq0JL2-ybgTiS2vOrYURbCG0kIxh

thots on final 8: augusto: would cut me to win, literal love of my life, super kind and empathetic and genuinely good person, i think his social game is fire and i think he has a way with people, and downplays how smart and cutthroat he really is constantly, but i love the kid so much ali: the brit has to die ali again: okay im kidding i like him a lot but tbh hes a smart fucking guy, i think hes super cool and and also a badass with that idol play, hes a force but he has to go soon autumn: lana stan, coolest girl around, queen of the social game, queen of likability, queen of controlling rounds and letting others take the hit, a damn threat, she could win this game   tj: sweetheart, we need each other in the game rn, i need need need to secure his loyalty adam: hes kinda crazy but he has a good heart, kinda just following ali and autumn rn, not gonna win in the end kendall: i have a soft spot for this crackhead, she deserves the world, probably cant win at the end but im happy i met her, shes on my side and a vote i can use moving forward jakey: love him to death would die 4 him, would beat me in the end and at immunities also the fact that kendall augusto and i are all still here is so fucking funny, like bitch how kejwnfkewjnfkejnwfkjnewkfnewk cockroaches

So numbers on surface Jakey - adam - autumn - Ali Kendall - Amir - Augusto - tj Round 5: Adam - Ali - autumn Amir - kendall - Augusto In the middle: jakey - tj So I just have to work on them 

when i tell you ive been hooting and hollering what the fuck is going on in the survivor on this day, who the hell would've thought id win my third individual immunity in one season, gorl that is probably the most 2020 thing to happen in this game. although two of them pretty much were dumb luck afdjks either that or maybe im doing a little better than i think i truly dont know, and the touchy subjects clocked me on THAT as; what was it they said, 'the person they forget is in the game' and also 'least aware of their place' okay well yes im AWARE ive BEEN lost and asking for help this whole game gorl! But that's great, that's how i want people to view me, because uh... i just won 3 of these things now and that alone is reason to target me, granted im doing my best to play it up like dont worry! im just a dumb dumb! and clearly theyre eating that up like crazy, because it's both just the truth but also strategy if i keep playing it up, so watch out meryl, adam's in town! also LOVE that i knew i was gonna get most likely to have the idol i dont know how many times i have to say it IM INNOCENT AND BEING FRAMED FOR A FOOL and ooh dont even get me started on all the other tea it spilled, i actually got the LEAST of the bad things, i guess i kinda exposed myself because i made most of my chops at amir, augusto, and tj oop, so they probably didnt like that but they really left me no choice strategically, screw with me, i screw back, simple as that. As far as the vote too ummm.....it's been quiet tonight on my end so hope that doesnt make me a fool because this time last vote was a disaster, at this point im still thinking i need to stick with ali and autumn because this vote is so pertinent, after this a solid 4  can take it, or get as far as we can because im always keeping my options open OOP, but for the most part i do want to stay true to my good judys for now, but i know someone between amir/augusto/kendall has an idol and if they were smart theyd use it this round, so i need to convince the others of this because im sure its gonna happen since they dont think ali has one anymore hopefully but who knows, if it were up to me we'd vote augusto or tj this vote. I think amir has the idol and i think he's going to play it for himself this round or i could see augusto playing it for him, so if i can make anyone belive that very realistic scenario, we can get one of the ones theyd least expect just to ensure us the numbers for next round, but what do i know, they just forget im in the game anyway! so hopefully tomorrow someone tries to give me the tea and we get a plan together or else i spilled all the tea last round for nothing which is worst case scenerio 

yesterday was a lot. I went an apology tour to everyone involved in my blindside and honestly it was annoying. the fact that augusto basically got me to apologise to him on our call when he blindsided me was irritating, like he just let me sit there and take fault when the point of the call was for him to take accountability. talking to him is like talking to 2018 me, he has such social ability, but he just takes zero accountability and is just so infuriatingly wishy-washy. he is all of my worst attributes as a player rolled into one. i also... almost won immunity? which is crazy, but I just found yesterday and the way immunity played out so frustrating, but I've spoken about it enough in my host chat enough. just know i feel robbed, slighted and if I get rocked out this round when i should have immunity. i will throw a fuss again SAJDKFLAS. anyway so this vote is gonna be a mess. tj and autumn now have a blood feud, Kendall and jake came to a head this round. so that's four people whose name i hopefully am not their number #1 target, plus i don't think adam is targetting me? but this vote is going to be a mess, because it very very easily could be 4-4, where there is an idol on both sides of the trench. i have a gut feeling amir and his sock puppets are going to vote autumn. it makes sense, tj wants her gone and the beauties need him reeled in. so i think im going to have to idol autumn, but that is risky because if the 4 vote jake... im going to rocks, and if they vote me, im reliant on jake going to rocks. but i just wanna send all these people backing, especially augusto. amir i'm trying to shake him that me and him have to stick together, but i also could vote for him. i literally just want to make F7 and to vote someone who just voted me out. that is literally all i want. if i go home i will be literally devastated

So like… there’s the dream and there’s the harsh reality which is something this round really talk me. The dream is obviously me winning, making all these big moves, and doing THAT. However, my reality? Could very well be that people don’t see me as a winner at all and it makes me a little disappointed but I gotta prove them all wrong. The vote last round being Ali was honestly mostly my doing and I’m proud of that. My ideal boot order is Autumn/Ali then Jakey then Autumn/Ali and that is GOING to happen because I’m putting that into the universe. When it comes to Autumn and Ali, I would rather Ali go but I think the safest bet while still having a target leave would be Autumn. In a way too, I do know Amir wants Ali out moreso alongside Jakey but I wanna separate my game from Amir so yeah. Also Adam calling me a fake ass bitch even tho my drunk ass was telling him I liked him was a gag… but oh well.. Nothing grinds my gears more than people thinking I’m not being genuine with how I feel towards them but if that’s what he thinks, maybe that’s what he’ll get idk… i feel petty and mad for some reason over it… BUT ANYWAY, I just want to survive this vote. I hope Kendall doesn’t go but she also said she wants me to win over Amir so yay?

If I die, I just wanna say I regret nothing and I have full confidence that the right person will win this season. So not TJ, Augusto, or Amir lmaaaaooo. Amir entering the two time winner chat??? Over my dead fucking body. If there's one thing Imma do it's poison a jury

Ali or Autumn... who shall we vote? Stay tuned!

Is Jess really Canadian... stay tuned!

god. today is gonna be another nailbiter and i want to confess first. so the plan is to idol autumn and vote out kendall, which sucks because i do now like kendall. i just think its the safest way of avoiding them playing an idol i guess, i don't even know. i just am sick of fighting in this game every single round me and autumn have had to fight to make it past. the fact jake is throwing a fit in my pms becuase im not idoling him is infuriating because... i'd love to idol myself? like? anyway im over it. if i go home, i hope tj can finally stop his blind fixation on autumn and i, that augusto can actually be accountable for one entire thing, amir can stop his pity party and show awareness for his threat level and that kendall... well actually kendall is fine. i just feel like im a mum trying to get all my kids to fit in a minivan and to put their seatbelts on, like can they get it together.

I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either. 

me with biggest villian, biggest backstabber, thinks they are running the game, is running the game, and is gonna win at the end http://prntscr.com/ss4h5q

literally god demolished and brutalized worse than anyone in this game tonight in that touchy subjects yet I’m also the one comforting like half the tribe over their answers even tho I ADKWNWQJN WAS ATTACKT LIKE this cast literally thinks im a psychopath fjebwfjenkn but im not gonna play victim over my superlatives i just have to use this target on my back strategically 

I want destruction AHHHHHHHHHHhhHhHhHhHhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay so, they think me or Augusto have the idol, so they can vote kendall, to ensure our idol isn’t played and that me and Augusto and tj are forced into rocks, and im just like trying to get everyone to stop replying to ali cuz hes smart and he will psychoanalyze and figure out who to play the idol on and like he has to play it on autumn and not himself so pls pls pls kkjnkjenfs let this work

[latexgeese66-blog]

Howie Roseman discusses Eagles’ plan to sign Carson Wentz to an extension, impact of offseason additions, and much more

Howie Roseman appeared on SportsRadio 94WIP’s Morning Show with Angelo Cataldi on Tuesday morning. The Eagles’ EVP of football operations touched on a number of topics, including some guy named Carson Wentz. Here’s a look at everything he had to say, along with some very important thoughts of my own.

CARSON WENTZ’S FUTURE

CATALDI: How concerned are you that Carson Wentz has had so many injuries so far in his pro career?

ROSEMAN: I’ve got to be honest: I have so much faith in Carson Wentz. Obviously, we put a lot on the line to draft him. He’s someone that we have total confidence in. You see him around the building every day and he’s out on the field. This guy is going to be a great player for the Philadelphia Eagles for a long time.

Sometimes, you get biased. I’m sure you do it. I see my kids on the baseball field and sometimes I think they’re the best player, so you’re a little biased. You look at it through rose colored glasses. But that’s how we roll here and we couldn’t be more excited about him and his future in Philadelphia. And he looks great. Continues to work hard. We’re excited about this season with him leading our team.

CATALDI: Are you confident enough that you’re ready to do a long-term major deal with Carson as he enters the final year of his contract? I know you picked up his 5th-year option, but I’m just wondering where you mindset is right now making the big contractual commitment.

ROSEMAN: Yeah, for us, this is something that we’re planning to do. And if the deal is right for us and the deal is right for Carson, we wouldn’t hesitate to pull the trigger on that. That’s just the amount of confidence that we have. And we want to build this team knowing kind of what that piece is in place and go forward.

I think it’s kind of funny because we have all these meetings around here with our personnel staff and our coaches and our front office, and we talk about ‘hey, we have to at some point maybe go and get more draft picks and get more volume.’ And then we get these [trade] opportunities and I kind of get into a moment where I can’t deny the opportunity because we just want to win. But we’re all balancing what we’re doing this year with also the opportunity of continuing to compete for the foreseeable future. We always want to be in the race but maybe I’ve got to stop with all my aggressiveness at some point. What do you think?

Nothing ground-breaking here. Roseman, Jeffrey Lurie, and Doug Pederson have all publicly stated the plan is to sign Wentz to a long-term contract extension. It’s a matter of “when” and not “if” for this team. The Eagles would probably love to get it done sooner than later. Wentz might be the one who is hesitant since his value isn’t at his highest after two straight injured seasons.

I still feel like we could see a deal done before the season starts.

SIGNING MALIK JACKSON

CATADLI: Let’s start with some of the free agents that you signed up, you can tell us a little bit about what you liked. I’ll start with Malik Jackson, to support your defensive line. What do you like about him?

ROSEMAN: Yeah, Malik is a quick-twitch, explosive pass rusher. He fits our scheme. He can get off the ball. You’re talking about a guy who two years ago was the highest paid defensive tackle in the National Football League. He’s won a world championship. He fits really well next to [Fletcher Cox] and with [Tim] Jernigan and some of our younger defensive tackles. And I think when we look at it, the past couple years, we’ve had to reduce [Brandon Graham] and Michael Bennett inside in pass rush situations and now we’ve got a true defensive tackle next to Fletcher Cox. So, that was really the start of our defensive offseason for us. Getting a guy like that who can really balance and complement Fletch. And bringing Timmy back, obviously, as well.

The Eagles were trotting out the likes of Haloti Ngata, Bruce Hector, and “T.Y. McGill” next to Fletcher Cox at times last season. Adding Jackson, who can rush the passer, is a significant upgrade.

CHRIS LONG AND MORE DEFENSIVE LINE TALK

CATALDI: You brought Jernigan back as well inside. Outside, you brought Vinny Curry back. Which, one of the things we’re hearing is that that might have convinced Chris Long that he’s not going to come back because he wouldn’t get as much playing time. Tell us why you wanted to bring Vinny back and if that’ll impact Chris’s final decision.

ROSEMAN: Well, let’s start with Timmy. Timmy is a guy who can really play. He’s an A gap player so he’s someone who’s kind of got a different skill set than the other guys. And we’re excited about some of our younger guys that we have as well. Our scouting staff did good jobs, a great job bringing Treyvon Hester [in]. We traded for Hassan Ridgeway during the draft day. So we’re really excited about that group.

Then when you move to defensive end, you know, Vinny is a guy that we drafted. Vinny is a player that we know his skill set in this system, in this scheme. And we’re always going to be looking to add defensive ends, defensive linemen to our football team.

In terms of Chris, he’s been such a great Eagle. A guy who’s been an integral part of us winning a world championship and a great leader, great player. For us, we’ll just kind of keep those conversations between us and him. But obviously someone who is at the stage of his career where he wants to know exactly what we have and what’s going on and you can appreciate that. But an all-time great Eagle in Chris.

You look at the rest of our defensive ends, Angelo, and we need these young guys to step up. We drafted Josh Sweat in the fourth round last year. He’s an incredibly talented guy who’s here every day working on getting better. We picked up Daeshon Hall, another guy our scouting staff did a great job [getting], a former third round pick, he’s had a great offseason here, he looks really good. We drafted Shareef Miller in the fourth round. And then we got this guy. This guy, Joe Ostman. He is, like, the quintessential Philadelphia player. He works so hard. He’s got athletic tools in his body.

So, we want those young guys, we need those young guys to step up as well. But it’s also a position where we’re going to continue to look and continue to strengthen.

Adding Jackson alone was a big deal. Getting Jernigan back — assuming he’s healthy — is even better. Is there a team with a better trio of defensive tackles than Cox, Jackson, and Jernigan?

It feels like Long isn’t going to be back. Hopefully he is. I’m not optimistic.

Ostman is definitely a guy to watch this summer. He drew a ton of praise from the coaching staff last year for his efforts on the practice squad. Ostman filled the old Steven Means role of preparing the offensive line for games each week by going all out in practice. Ostman actually led the NCAA in sacks prior to the Eagles signing him as an undrafted free agent last year. It’d be great if he can prove to be more than a long shot.

It sounds like Roseman isn’t done adding at defensive end with that “it’s a position where we’re going to continue to look and continue to strengthen” line. Go get Ezekiel Ansah, Howard.

DOES HOWIE HAVE A BIAS?

CATALDI: Now there’s something I’ve been saying, Howie, about your philosophy that I want to run by you to make sure I’m being accurate. I’ve said that: all things being equal, because you love drafting so much, guys you draft, usually get the benefit of the doubt as to whether they stay or go. We saw it with Brandon Graham, we saw that you brought back Vinny Curry, and we saw that you brought back DeSean Jackson. Do you have an affection for the guys you draft? And kind of give them a little more leeway than other guys?

ROSEMAN: I have an affection for winning. That’s the only thing I have an affection for. I don’t have a bias towards anything that’s not going to make us better. In my one year sabbatical, what do we call it? Sabbatical?

CATADLI: Yeah, that’s good. Or hiatus.

ROSEMAN: Can you give me a good word for it?

CATALDI: Hiatus! Hiatus.

ROSEMAN: Hiatus, right. I went down and I spent time with [former Packers general manager] Ron Wolf and he gave me this example of how he drafted a defensive lineman named Jamal Reynolds. And he traded up for this player. And after two years, he realized it was a sunk cost. He had to move on. And so for us, we’re not going to bring back anyone who can’t help us, [that] we feel that doesn’t really help our football team. I promise you, Angelo, that’s all we’re trying to do here, is help our football team, and bringing in players who can help our team.

For better or worse, this Eagles regime is very big on familiarity. They’ve talked about their “cohabitation matrix” before.

I don’t think the Eagles retained BLG and brought Jackson and Curry back just because Roseman had a role in drafting them. These players weren’t luxury additions; they filled significant needs.

DESEAN JACKSON’S RETURN

CATALDI: What do you like about bringing DeSean back?

ROSEMAN: Have you seen him run? Have you seen the games he’s played against us the last few years? Did everyone in Philadelphia not know where that ball was going on the first play of the game when we played in Tampa last year? And he ran right by us. And I think the think about DeSean is that, all of us, need time sometimes to mature. And DeSean’s got a family. He’s got two kids. He has been here every day in the offseason program. He looks great, he’s excited about the opportunity. And he knows is legacy is going to be defined in Philadelphia. And our conversations with him about what he wants his career to be remembered as, it’s as an Eagle. He embraces this city. He’s got an unbelievable skill set. He’s got chemistry in this building. And we couldn’t be more excited to have him back.

The Eagles will hope Jackson can be just as productive against other teams as he was against them in recent years. It’ll be great to see this offense have an elite deep threat once again.

WHY THE EAGLES DRAFTED ANDRE DILLARD

CATALDI: I was reading NFL.com and they were assessing all the drafts. And they said ‘Howie Roseman handed Houston its’ lunch in the first round by jumping up to No. 22 and getting Andre Dillard.’ Were you under the impression that Houston was going to take this young tackle and get up there ahead of them? Was that the plan? Is that how it worked out?

ROSEMAN: I think they’re giving us too much credit. When you have a player like Dillard, who we had in the top 10 in our draft room, you think everyone’s going to take him. So we kept trying to trade up and get him. We were fortunate to make a trade with the Ravens to get in front of a team that we knew were looking at offensive linemen through the draft process. We were concerned that if we didn’t get in front of a bunch of these teams, we’d lose the player. But it wasn’t just one team. It’s not common to get a guy that we think is the best left tackle in the draft and to have him fall into the late teens and early twenties. So we were trying to be aggressive. I look at it like it’s the Packers. They went from Brett Favre to Aaron Rodgers. You can do that at a position and have that continuity and just go from great player to great player. And really, for us in Philly, we’ve been spoiled. Because we went from Tra Thomas to Jason Peters. And now we have a chance to go from Jason Peters to our first-round pick. And obviously he’s got to get here, he’s got to work hard, he’s got to do all the right things to become the kind of player he can be. But that’s a position — that’s a special position, protecting the blindside of your quarterback.

CATALDI: What did you like about him? What made you want to get him so badly?

ROSEMAN: Well, first, for us, we’re always trying to figure out the guy. And we’re trying to make sure their passion for the game, their love of the game, their chemistry with our team is right. And he’s a great kid. He wants to work hard. He wants to be coached. He has a desire to be great, as a player. And he’s an exceptional athlete. Quick-twitched, explosive left tackle. Obviously he comes from a system that he’s going to have to adjusted a little bit to the things that we do because we do like to run the ball as well as throw the ball here in Philadelphia. But he’s got so much talent in his body. It’s hard to find those guys. God didn’t make a lot of 305 pounders who can move like he can move.

Dillard has the potential to be an amazing pick for Philly. If he can be as great as advertised, the Eagles can “set it and forget it” at one of their most important positions for the next decade or so.

SIGNING ZACH BROWN

CATALDI: It’s getting harder and harder to rip you, Howie. But the one thing I could get Howie for is he hates the linebacker position. He didn’t have any linebackers. And then last Friday you sign Zach Brown, who is rated number two by Pro Football Focus. Tell me what you like about Zach Brown and how the heck did you get him?

ROSEMAN: Rhea [Hughes], when did Angelo turn into this analytics guy? […] Well, again, when you play a guy twice a year, you’ve got a pretty good scouting report on him. You’ve got a good scouting report from obviously your personnel department but also your coaches. And we’ve played against him. We know that when we were playing the Redskins, he was one of those guys that was making plays. And our fans know that when we played that team that this was a good player and we brought him in. We had a chance to visit with him.

When you get guys who haven’t had an opportunity to win a lot, and he’s been in a couple places, and he played college football at North Carolina, he wants to win. And his desire to have an opportunity to win is something you can feel. And when you get guys like that who have hunger, who have this kind of fire in their belly to try to win, those are guys that we love bringing in here. We love having those guys who have a burning desire to compete and win. And we just keep trying to bring in any many of those guys as we can to compete and build a fire within us. I don’t know, Angelo, we want to win so bad. We want to win so bad and to have guys that we feel that from, it’s exciting.

Brown has never been on an NFL team that’s finished with a winning record. Take a look:

2012: 6-10 2013: 7-9 2014: 2-14 2015: 3-13 2016: 7-9 2017: 7-9 2018: 7-9

I’m sure he wouldn’t mind breaking that trend this season.

EAGLES AUTISM CHALLENGE

ANGELO: Howie, the Eagles Autism Challenge, I know you’re involved too in it, right? Are you involved in the walk or the run? What’re you going to be doing?

ROSEMAN: I’d love to do the bike race but I’ve got four little kids and they want to be part of it too. This is one of the great events on our calendar throughout the course of the year for the whole organization, all of our players, all of our employees, we invite everyone in Philadelphia to take part in this great event. It’s really a cool event to do and be part of. We’re excited about that. And we’ll have all our players there, all our staff there, and we’ll be walking, and we’ll be running, and we’ll be biking.

The Eagles raised more than $2.5 million for autism research last year. You can CLICK HERE to help support the cause this year.

Source: https://www.bleedinggreennation.com/2019/5/7/18535511/howie-roseman-discusses-eagles-plan-sign-carson-wentz-contract-extension-impact-offseason-additions

[philsdrill]

Chapter 20: Blankets and Duvets

Fic Summary: “Everyone had a link with their soulmates, some could hear some of their partners thoughts, some had a tattoo that would appear with their partners name; for me, I knew when they got sick.” For a while Phil has thought that his soulmate might have an eating disorder and doesn’t expect to meet him in the restaurant where he works.

Genre: a lot of fluff, recovery, really fucking domestic, waiter!Phil

Warnings: eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, hospitals, panic attacks, references to past abuse, mentions of suicide, mentions of self-harm, a lot of awkwardness, small amounts of smut. This is potentially triggering so for your own sake, please think twice about reading if anything this might affect you.

Disclaimer: I don’t have personal experience with eating disorders, but have done some research. If I have anything about them wrong, feel free to send me an ask and I’ll sort it out.

Word Count (for this part): 7.7k

[Uploads will be approximately every couple of weeks! (hopefully)]

A/N: It’s actually been a month since I’ve updated, and I’m terribly sorry about that, but hey, its exam season. However, this will be the longest chapter since July, so maybe that will make up for it a little bit.

MASTERPOST

<= Previous Chapter

Phil’s POV:

When I first woke up, I knew I didn’t have the luxury of being able to just roll over and go back to sleep. Although he was Dan’s younger brother, I was conscious that Adam was still a guest and I wanted him to enjoy his stay with us. Knowing teenagers, he would still be fast asleep, but I felt I should get up and get the morning’s tasks underway.

I was tired; staying up later than I’d expected with comforting Dan had really taken it’s toll on me, but once I had some coffee in me, I’d be able to put that behind me. Not bothering to change out of my pyjamas - that could wait until later - I got out of bed. I didn’t want to bother him too much, but I woke Dan up a little so that he would hopefully get up sometime soon.

“Dan, I’m going to make breakfast,” I told him, “Want to get up soon and have your shower?”

“Mmm…” Dan mumbled sleepily, “Yeah, I’ll do that soon.”

“M’kay, I’ll see you soon,” I said, pushing my glasses up my nose and making my way out of the room.

I was surprised to find Adam already up, laying on the sofa with the TV on a low volume, “Mornin’, you’re up early!?”

“Yeah, soulmate’s feeling sad,” he explained monotonously.

“Would it help to talk about it?” I asked, sitting down next to him, but far enough away to give him space.

I felt that this was really Dan’s role, being his brother, but I would help if I could. “What’s he feeling sad about?”

“Everything!? It’s a bit overwhelming. He hasn’t slept well, he’s not cutting or anything at the moment, but he’s just feeling really depressed and he can’t talk to anyone because his parents...” Adam paused, suddenly looking really pale.

“Adam, you okay?” I said, cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I feel a bit faint, like my head's spinning a bit,” he groaned, “It’s too much.”

“Okay, lie down for a minute,” I said, getting up and helping him to lie down as he looked like he was about to pass out, “I’m gonna get you something to eat and drink.”

I didn’t leave immediately to get him food, instead deciding that I would stay in case he did pass out. Laying down, he started to look a little bit better, a bit of the colour returning to his cheeks.

“D’you take coffee?” I asked, figuring he probably needed some energy.

“Yeah, with milk and like three or four spoons of sugar,” he replied.

“Okay, keep your head down; I’ll be back with some coffee soon,” I told him, heading to the kitchen to make the sugary caffeinated beverage that he looked like he needed.

Still feeling my own exhaustion, I decided that I would make myself one at the same time. I put the kettle on, taking two mugs out of the cupboard and laying them next to each other on the worktop while I waited. I put coffee powder into the bottom of each mug and then the boiling water when it was ready. I poured the milk into one, then the other, followed closely by the sugar. A few minutes later, I returned to the living room carrying two identical mugs of steaming coffee, one in each hand.

I set them down on a side table, greeting Adam with a gentle, “I’m back and I’ve got coffee.”

I told Adam to make sure he sat up slowly; then once he was vertical, I passed him the coffee. He continued to look very pale, but I could tell he would be fine.

“I'll get breakfast sorted out once you've had that,” I told him, “How're you feeling?

“Maybe a bit better,” he said, “Not quite like I'm going to pass out anymore.”

“Okay, that's good,” I said, sitting down next to him to drink my own coffee.

We both sipped at our coffees in relative silence, the only sounds being those of the coffee we slurped into our mouths. I couldn’t quite place why, but it seemed like the best instant coffee I’d had in awhile. Maybe I’d slipped an extra spoon of sugar in; it had to be that.

Adam looked a little more cheerful by the time he’d finished the coffee; that was a good sign.

“You feeling a bit better?” I asked him, as he laid the cup down to the side and sighed.

“Less tired, yeah. I feel a bit less faint, but I think it might be coming from my soulmates end,” he explained.

“Can you encourage him to eat breakfast?” I asked, nodding in understanding.

“Maybe…” he said hesitantly, looking thoughtful.

As Adam sat quietly, a look of concentration on his face, I heard the shower starting up in the distance. That meant that Dan was out of bed.

“Okay, I think he's going to get something to eat now,” Adam said slowly, “We can't communicate in words or anything but I feel like our bond is getting stronger because I'm kinda being able to put ideas in his head.”

“That's interesting,” I said, “Telepathic bonds often get stronger in the run up to the meeting.”

“They do?” Adam asked, surprised.

“They can, yeah,” I confirmed, “Though of course, there's loads of other factors. You've obviously noticed that the stronger the emotion, the more you feel it, so it equally could be connected to that.”

“The complexities of this bond make my head hurt,” Adam complained, “I just want to meet him.”

“I wish you could meet him already too,” I agreed, “Like I don't like seeing you this down about things and Dan's been getting a bit stressed with worry for the two of you.”

“M sorry,” he mumbled, “I didn’t mean to have him worrying.”

“Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry about; it’s not your fault,” I told him, “He’s struggling with his mental health too; in a different way, but it’s still not easy for him. Now don’t you start worrying about him though; he’s more or less coping and you’ve got enough on your plate. Speaking of plates, what would you like for breakfast?”

“If you don't mind I'm gonna wait until he's eaten and is feeling a bit better,” Adam said, holding his head in his hands.

“Sure, okay, I'll get bowls and stuff out but we can wait ‘til Dan's out the shower,” I said cheerily, getting up and leaving him alone as I felt like he could probably do with some peace and quiet for a minute or two.

In the kitchen, I got bowls and cereal out the cupboard, laying them on the counter next to the archway through to the living room. The temptation was too much as I lifted over the box of Crunchy Nut, so I scooped a couple of dry handfuls out the packet and straight into my mouth. I took the milk, orange juice, and my not-milk out of the fridge, laying them next to the cereal. Actually assembling the breakfast could wait until Dan was out of the shower.

I returned to the living room to wait for Dan, this time sitting on the other sofa to give Adam some space. He was certainly looking better than earlier, but he clearly had a lot going on in his head, by the way he sat with it resting on his knees. Something told me that he was currently more in his soulmates head than his own, which was a little weird to watch.

As I sat studying his behaviour, I felt a weird sensation in my stomach and a sense of dread. Was something bad happening? Adam seemed to be looking happier though, so surely not. The sensation was slowly replaced with a dull ache in my stomach and lower back and I realised that I just needed the bathroom. Nothing bad was happening, silly assumption, Phil.

I tried to ignore the feeling, knowing that Dan would be out of the shower in a few minutes and I’d be able to go to the bathroom. However, it seemed that the pain only seemed to intensify and the minimal contents of my stomach seemed to be having a party in there. I curled up in a ball, groaning in realisation of what I’d done. I’d put normal milk in my coffee and my body most definitely did not like that.

My groan must’ve been louder than I’d realised, because suddenly Adam was next to me, looking a tad concerned, “Phil? Phil, are you okay? Should I get Dan?”

“I put actual milk in my coffee by accident,” I explained, feeling sick to the stomach as I spoke, “He’s in the shower.”

Adam left my field of vision and only moments later, I could hear him calling out to Dan through our bathroom door, “DAN!”

Only a moment later, I heard the shower stop and a quieter reply from Dan, “Adam?”

--

Dan's POV:

I was just about finished in the shower, having my final minute just soaking under the hot water and relaxing, when Adam shouted my name through the door. I instantly turned the shower off, wondering what was happening. Had something happened to Phil? Anything else and it probably would’ve been him getting me.

“Adam?” I replied, the water now off so I could hear.

“Phil put normal milk in his coffee by accident and his tummy’s sore,” Adam said frantically, “He’s all curled up and he looks really pale.”

“Oh god, right two seconds, I'm on my way,” I said, immediately filled with concern as I hoped out the shower and pulled a towel around my waist.

I opened the bathroom door, wet and dripping, but at least with my private parts covered. Adam looked a little shocked as I opened the door. My first thought was ‘oh god, he’s disgusted by my fat’ but then I realised it was mainly the fact I was dripping wet and shirtless. Still, I found myself sucking in my stomach, not even consciously until I’d noticed I’d done it.

“Sorry bro, gotta deal with me being half naked, I need to look after phil,” I hurriedly explained myself, pacing through our bedroom and out into the hallway.

In the lounge, I knelt down in front of the sofa Phil was occupying, “Phil, how bad are you feeling? Like just a sore stomach, pretty crap, or like you’re going to throw up.”

“Pretty crap,” he mumbled.

“Okay, let’s get you to the bathroom,” I told him, helping him up, “Adam, just help yourself to breakfast.”

Phil’s skin was translucent, verging on green, I noticed, as I walked through our room with him. He was very tense as he walked, every so often holding his abdomen with a pained expression on his face. I let go of him as he walked into the bathroom, shutting the bathroom door behind him.

I didn’t want to hang around too long as I knew what was coming. I tossed on the first t-shirt and pair of joggies I could find. They were a bit big as they were Phil’s, but they’d do.

“I'll give you some privacy, Phil, but shout if you need anything,” I said, as I left our bedroom, not really wanting to hear him going to the toilet.

“Thanks,” Phil replied weakly, after a moment or two.

I shut the door to our room and walked back along to our living area, finding myself shaking slightly as I walked. Whether it was the hurried nature of the situation, my anxiety making an appearance or just a feeling through Phil and I’s soulmate bond, I didn’t quite know.

Adam was sitting at the table, spooning some cereal into his mouth, looking thoughtfully.

“Hi,” I greeted him, “How are you this morning?”

“Alright,” he said, “I got woken up early because my soulmate was feeling sad, then when Phil came through I was feeling a bit faint so he made me coffee. Well he made us both coffee, as you’ve found out. Turns out it was actually my soulmate who was feeling faint, but I managed to encourage him to go and get some food. Is Phil okay?”

“Ehh…” I hesitated, “He’s currently shitting his guts out, but there’s nothing I can do other than leave him to get on with it and give him some tlc later.”

“Awwh,” Adam said, sounding genuinely sad about how Phil was feeling, “That sucks; there isn’t anything you can give him to make him feel better?”

“Not really, no,” I told Adam, “Once he’s got it out of his system, he’ll need a lot of water, but I don’t think there’s much I can do before then.”

“You going to sit down and have breakfast?” Adam asked, looking at where he had laid the rest of the breakfast stuff.

“Yeah, I just need to go get my anxiety meds from the kitchen,” I explained, heading in the direction of the kitchen, still finding myself shaking a little.

I grabbed my tub of pills from the cupboard and filled myself a big glass of water. I took them to the dining table, something I wouldn't have done if it hadn’t been for the face that I’d told Adam I’d show him what they were like.

“Antidepressants,” I said, laying the tub down on the table in front of me and sitting down.

Adam looked over on hearing that, studying the tub from where he was sitting. I grabbed a bowl and filled it with cereal, knowing from experience that it wasn’t the best idea to take medications on an empty stomach. Once I had a bowl of cereal in me, I pushed the bowl to the side and picked up the tub of pills. I took one out and held it between my finger and thumb to show to Adam. I let him look at it for a moment or two, before popping it in my mouth and swallowing it with some water.

“See, nothing scary,” I told him, laying the water back down.

“That actually makes me feel a lot better about it,” Adam told me, “Like antidepressants sound scary… b-but they don’t look too bad.”

“Yeah, you’ve got nothing to worry about,” I reminded him, “Like they’ll probably even do you some good which’ll be nice.”

--

“DAN,” Phil shouted from a distance, his voice weak but still audible.

“Two seconds, I’m coming,” I called back, turning my head in the direction of our bedroom.

I got up, first stopping at the kitchen to grab a couple of bottles of water as I knew he was going to need a drink, then made my way to our room. I found Phil sitting on his side of our bed, still looking very pale, but he was obviously feeling a bit better to be through here.

“How are you feeling?” I asked him in a soft voice, perching on the bed next to him.

“I wouldn’t say better, but a lot less bad,” he said, “Like I’ve no longer got the stomach cramps from hell, but I feel a little nauseous.”

I unscrewed the lid of one of the water bottles and passed it to him, “You need to drink. That’ll make you feel a bit better.”

Phil started slowly sipping on the water and meanwhile, I picked up his free hand and held it in mine. His hand was a bit clammy and shaky, but I wasn’t complaining, I was just glad that I could do something to help now, even if it wasn’t much.

“Anything else you’re needing?” I asked, after a while.

“I still feel a bit nauseous,” Phil said, “Could you make like chamomile tea or something? That sometimes helps a bit.”

“Sure,” I said, rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand one last time before I let it go, “D’you want anything to eat?”

Phil shook his head, “No, I don’t feel good enough for that.”

On my way to make Phil his tea, I stopped for a moment to speak to Adam, “I’m not sure if we’ll be going out today. Phil’s not feeling very well; I’m going to make him some tea.”

“S’okay, I understand,” Adam said, lifting his attention from his phone for a moment to speak to me, “And just say if you want me to help with anything, I don’t mind.”

“I think I’m good at the moment, but thanks,” I said to him, entering the kitchen and filling the kettle.

I looked out a teabag and a mug as the kettle boiled, picking a big mug as Phil was surely dehydrated. I let the tea bag soak for a while, before removing it and tossing it in the sink to dry out.

Returning to Phil with a steaming mug of tea, I paused to speak to Adam again, “Adam, I’m going to sit with Phil for a bit. Just help yourself to anymore food from the kitchen and if you could entertain yourself for a while, that would be fantastic. Just come through if you need anything though; Phil’s not contagious or anything.”

“Okay, sure,” Adam nodded, “I hope he feels a bit better soon.”

In our room, I handed Phil the tea, then climbed up onto the bed next to him. Once I’d settled next to him, Phil rested his head on my shoulder, periodically taking sips of the tea.

I turned my head to the side and looked down at him, “Hopefully this’ll make you feel better. I’ve told Adam to entertain himself for the moment as I don’t know what we’re doing about going out. I’m guessing you won’t be feeling up to that.”

“No, not now anyway. At the moment, I still want to be within stumbling distance of the toilet,” Phil told me, “Maybe later, when I feel less sick and shaky, and the empty hollow feeling has gone away.”

I could feel Phil shaking next to me, so I pulled up a blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped it around him. I cuddled him a little, hoping that would help to warm him up, and was quite shocked by the way Phil’s shaking vibrated through me as well. I hoped that with the tea, hugs and blankets, he would start to feel a bit better, but his skin was still had a translucent green tinge to it.

Phil pushed himself out of my embrace, “I think I might throw up.”

Phil started to stumble off towards the bathroom, with me following right behind to be there for him. Phil settled himself on the floor in front of the toilet, but nothing happened immediately. I gently rubbed my hand up and down his back, trusting his judgement that he was maybe going to be sick and waiting with him for when it happened.

After being there for a minute or two, the smell of the bathroom was starting to make me a little queasy, which certainly wouldn’t be doing Phil any good. I left Phil’s side for a minute to open the window wide, put the fan on and spray some air freshener. Phil was only going to feel worse otherwise. Maybe if the air was a little fresher, he might feel a bit better.

We stayed in front of the toilet for another five minutes, still nothing happening. Phil flopped back against me, maybe having realised that he wasn’t going to be sick after all.

He was still shaking and didn’t look any better, so I asked him how he was feeling, “D'you still think you're going to be sick?”

“I don't know…” Phil said, slowly, trailing off, “Maybe not, I’m not sure though.”

“I think the best place for you right now is bed,” I told him, “I'm gonna get you a bucket just in case and you can have a lie down.”

Phil agreed with me, so I gave him a hand up and supported him back through to our room. He was still trembling a lot, but hopefully sleeping would put his body on the fast track to recovery.

Once Phil was in bed and surrounded by plenty of blankets to keep him warm, I got the bucket, which I laid on the lot next to the bed. I was starting to doubt that Phil would actually be sick, but it was nice to have the peace of mind that it had somewhere to go if he did.

I found Phil some medicine that would hopefully calm his stomach a little. I was never entirely sure whether it would make a difference, but with Phil being so miserable and so far from his usual self, it was worth a shot.

I made sure Phil was comfortable in bed and had everything he needed,then stayed by his side until he fell asleep.

--

I flopped down on the sofa in the lounge with a sigh. Adam looked up at me, taking his attention off of his phone.

“Phil's not good, I'm guessing?” he asked.

“No, he's feeling sick and is really shaky,” I explained, “I've given him some medicine and he's gone to sleep so hopefully he'll feel better when he wakes up.”

“It’s just me and you for a while then,” I realised aloud, “What d’you want to do? We’ll see this afternoon if we go out, but I’m not leaving Phil until he’s feeling a bit better.”

“I don’t know, I’m happy with just playing video games or something,” Adam said, vaguely.

“Mario kart tournament?” I suggested, knowing that we could bat our indecision back and forwards forever if someone didn't make their mind up.

“Yeah sure, sounds good,” Adam agreed, looking happy about the idea.

I don't know where the thought came from, but suddenly it crossed my mind that tonight might be the night that Phil was working this week.

“Two minutes, I’ve just realised that Phil might be working tonight but I'm going to go check,” I explained to Adam, going to mine and Phil's room and checking the calendar on his phone.

Sure enough, my suspicions were correct. Phil was meant to be working tonight; in fact, really this afternoon as he was on the earlier shift, from half four until nine.

Going into Phil's email, where I knew his boss would've sent him a schedule, I was able to check who was on shift with him. There were a bunch of names that I didn't really know, or had only heard Phil mention once or twice, and then halfway down the list there was Chris.

I'm sure Phil would find someone to take his shift if he felt too ill, but it was good to know that Phil would have a friend there to look out for him if he made it.

I returned Phil's phone to his bedside table, then let Adam know that, yes, Phil was meant to be working. Okay, we wouldn't be going out just now, but if Phil made it to work, Adam and I could go on a little walk somewhere and have some brother time.

Our Mario Kart tournament was great fun, both of us getting thoroughly competitive and winning about the same number of races each. We called it a draw, when after two tournaments we were tired of racing and had one a tournament each. Adam was a very close match; I'd like to see what would happen if we added Phil into the equation.

--

It was getting towards lunchtime when Phil awoke. I had been popping in periodically to check on him, but so far he'd been sound asleep each time. This time he said hello when I entered; he was lying on his side, blearily opening one eye to look at me.

I came over and perched on the edge of the bed next to him, to see how he was feeling.

“Are you feeling any better?” I asked him, putting my hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I feel quite a bit better, apart from I feel really weak and I'm still shaking a bit,” Phil told me.

“Okay,” I nodded, my other hand finding his hand under the covers, “D'you want to bring your blankets and come through to the living room? Adam and I were playing Mario Kart, but we've stopped now so it should be pretty calm.”

“Okay,” Phil agreed, a little hesitantly, but it was still an agreement.

I stayed by his side as he got up and kept an arm around him as we walked through to the living room together. He'd said he was feeling weak and I could feel that in the way he moved: tiredly, as if he'd been on his feet all day and was about to pass out.

Phil happily flopped down on the sofa, pulling his duvet and blankets tighter around him. In the bright daylight of our lounge, he was looking noticeably better. I wondered if he'd be up for eating anything.

“Seeing as it's lunchtime, would you like something to eat?” I asked him.

“I don't know…” he replied, hesitantly, looking rather unsure.

“How about I heat up some soup? Heinz chicken noodle or something?” I suggested.

Phil agreed with an unsure 'okay’, which sounded like he was at least up for giving it a shot, trying a little bit and seeing how he felt. I headed to the kitchen to heat up the soup, getting Adam to come with me so he could pick something out for his own lunch. We shared out the remainder of the soup which I wasn’t giving to Phil and each had a sandwich.

I sat with Phil on the sofa to eat my lunch, as he slurped on his soup slowly and a little hesitantly. Phil took quite a while  to get through his small portion of soup, but I was glad to see that he finished it. It came as a surprise to me when he got up to put his bowl in the dishwasher, instead of just laying it to the side or giving it to me.

“Has that made you feel a bit better?” I asked, as I joined him by the dishwasher to put Adam’s and my dishes in too.

“It has actually, I feel a bit stronger now,” he told me, “Less like a wobbly jelly and more like… more like myself.”

“That’s good,” I said, happy that he was feeling substantially better.

I followed Phil back to our sofa, where he settled amongst his mound of blankets, but didn’t wrap himself up in them.

“How are you feeling about going to work?” I asked him, “I had a look and you’re on the four-thirty shift, yeah?”

“Oh god, yeah,” Phil said, shock in his voice, “I’d forgotten about that… urm…”

Phil thought for a minute and then voiced his decision, “Although I could phone in sick, I’m going to go. I’m not contagious or anything; I’m just feeling a little weak and I’m sure I’ll feel better still by half four.”

“Anything else I can do for you to help you feel better?” I asked, “I’m happy to be your personal slave and let you relax on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Do we have any energy drinks? Like lucozade or powerade or something?” Phil asked.

“I’ll go have a look; I know we had some when I…” I paused, hesitating over what I was saying, “Uhhh… wasn’t eating much, but I’ don’t know if we have any left.”

I went to the kitchen and rifled through all of the cupboards, but I wasn’t able to find any sorts of energy drinks. I came back to Phil with the news, “We don’t have any, but if you want, I’ll go out and buy some.”

“It’s fine, I’ll cope,” Phil said, sounding strangely cheery.

It only took a fraction of a second for me to realise that the cheer in his voice was false. Although he was a bit better, he wasn’t feeling that good. He was still a few shades paler than usual and I could sense from his floppy body language just how drained he was feeling.

“Let me rephrase that. I'm going to go out and get some,” I said firmly, knowing he needed it.

Phil didn’t even protest, just smiling weakly and saying thanks. I took Phil a bottle of water and his phone, making sure he had what he might need while I was gone.

I went to tell Adam what I was doing in case he wanted to come too, “Adam, I’m going to run down to the supermarket for five minutes; do you want to come?”

Adam did want to come, so I told him to go and get his shoes on whilst I did the same. I put on my coat, made sure I had all the necessities like phone, keys and anxiety medicine and picked up Phil’s car keys from the little table where the sat in our hallway. I kissed Phil a quick goodbye; I wouldn’t be away for long, but I couldn’t leave my soulmate for long without a farewell.

Our visit to Tesco was pretty quick, heading only to the drinks aisle and the ‘free from’ section. We bought Phil some more lactose free milk and some chocolate to cheer him up. In the end we got lucozade and powerade to give him a choice. Whatever I could do to help, I would. I paid for the stuff and we headed home quickly, so Phil could drink it and hopefully feel the effects all the sooner.

When we got home, Phil was still exactly where we left him, on the sofa. He had put the TV on and was watching the news; there couldn’t be anything great on at the moment then. After putting the milk away in the kitchen, I brought him through one of each drink. Phil thanked me and took the lucozade, which he immediately started guzzling like a thirsty little beaver, his shoulders hunched up to keep the duvet in place.

Phil started to look better, and when I asked him, it turned out that he did feel better. He seemed like himself again, sitting up straight and participating in conversation. I could now see that he would probably cope with work, but knowing that Chris was working too, I wanted to let him know how Phil had been feeling so he could keep an eye on him for me.

Telling Phil what I was doing first, I texted Chris to let him know:

Phil’s not been feeling very well today, so could you keep an eye on him for me at work. He’s been diagnosed as lactose intolerant and he had some accidental milk this morning so it’s nothing contagious. Thanks, Dan.

I kept it fairly short and to the point, letting him know what he needed to know. A couple of minutes later I received a reply:

Yeah sure, I’ll keep an eye on him. That’s a pity that he can’t have milk now, but thanks for letting me know.

I made Phil a light snack for his dinner; he didn’t want much until he was sure his body had completely recovered, so I did him something simple - toast with spread and jam, and an apple. Phil ate his small dinner with the accompaniment of some powerade, then got himself ready for work.

I made sure Phil took the car, to save the energy he would use in walking. Adam and I could walk wherever we decided to go. We didn’t have four and a half hours of work to do and neither were we ill and exhausted.

“Look after yourself,” I reminded Phil before he left, “Chris’ll be on the lookout for you, so if you’re not feeling good, there’s someone on hand to help. Text me or call me or something if you’ve got any problems.”

I watched out of the window as Phil got into his car and drove away. I hoped he would get on okay at work.

--

With not many places being open after five, other than restaurants, I decided I would take Adam out for dinner. It was certainly better than me cooking; despite a little training from Phil I still wasn’t much of a chef. I didn’t frequent any of the restaurants in town, but there was one place I felt okay with eating: the vegan place which Phil and I had take out from on the day we moved in. I found Adam a copy of their menu online before we committed to going. He was still a bit of a fussy eater and I didn’t want to take him somewhere that he wasn’t going to enjoy. To my relief, Adam informed me that there were a number of things on the menu that he was happy to eat.

Around half five, I told Adam to get ready and we headed out for six o’clock. That would give us plenty of time to eat and still be home before Phil. Now that I more or less had to take my anxiety medicine everywhere, I had got into the habit of making sure I had everything I needed before I left to go anywhere. Medication, keys, phone, wallet - I checked my pockets to make sure I had them all.

Adam and I walked to the restaurant, which was only about ten minutes away, on the main street. I made sure to avoid the back roads that would take me past the place where my ex worked. Being anywhere near her was not something I wanted.

I opted for one of my favourites from the menu: the kale, parsnip and pomegranate salad. Adam had what I think Phil had the last time, the vegetable stir fry. I enjoyed my meal, not feeling in the slightest guilty about what I’d eaten as it was all healthy and one-hundred percent organic. Adam cleared his plate, which was no surprise from him. For me, it wasn’t something that happened often unless it was a small portion served to me by Phil.

It was colder when we left the restaurant and I regretted not wearing more layers. Despite having nearly a healthy amount of body fat now, I still felt the cold. I felt it slightly less than I did back when I’d met Phil, but it still left me with a lingering chill right down to my bones.

When Adam and I got in, I settled on the sofa with the duvet that Phil had left there earlier. We generally slept in a mess of jumbled blankets and two duvets; a remnant of the days when I got even colder than I did now. After moving in together, we’d never chosen one duvet, we just slept with them both. Technically the duvet that was on the sofa was originally Phil’s, but they were both just ours now.

I pulled it around me and hoped it would help me warm up a little; but deep down I knew the chill would linger in my bones for a while. I could probably do with a hot drink, but I would wait until Phil was home.

“Dan, are you okay?” Adam asked me, “You’re getting pretty intimate with that duvet.”

“I’m fine,” I told him, “I just feel the cold a lot, it’s not really anything to worry about. I still don’t have quite as much body fat as I should.”

“Ahh right,” he mumbled, “Yeah, are you doing better these days?”

“Yeah, quite a bit,” I told him honestly, “I’m around a healthy weight. Phil still thinks I should weigh a bit more, but I don’t think I can do it. I’m still not completely happy with my body, but Phil’s helped me learn to like it a bit more. My main problem at the moment is the anxiety disorder I’ve been landed with as a result. Anything related to my ex-girlfriend can trigger it, which was why I wasn’t feeling so great after I saw her when we walked past her work yesterday. I had a really bad attack at the weekend when I was at Phil’s house for his birthday. Phil’s brother accidentally touched my stomach - I was just in my underwear as I was going to bed - and it started off like flashbacks to what happened with her.”

“Do the antidepressants help much?” Adam asked.

“Yeah,” I said, taking a couple of deep breaths because I felt anxious even thinking about Nora, “They make me feel a lot less anxious in general. The doctor tried to change the medication I was on a few weeks ago and I had a pretty bad time for a week or so, so I’m back on what I started with, which actually helps. I’ve got another medication to help when I actually have a panic attack, which work by slowing down my heart rate. They’re the ones I always make sure I have with me, because even with Phil’s help I can get into quite a state if I don’t have them to help me through it.”

Adam looked stunned for a second, “Anxiety sounds harder than I thought.”

“Yeah, it’s not easy,” I confirmed, “Phil helps me a lot and I talk to a mental health therapist sometimes. That reminds me, I need to book an appointment.”

I pulled my phone from my pocket to set a reminder for me to do that tomorrow. I wanted the appointment for after Adam had headed home, but knew that I needed it pretty soon. The panic attack come flashback at the weekend had really put a hole in my confidence.

As I had my phone out, I realised that it was now a couple of minutes past now. Phil’s shift would have just finished, so it wouldn’t be long before he was home. I got up from the sofa, taking the duvet with me, and went to watch at the window

“I’m watching for Phil,” I explained to Adam, “I want to see him coming so I can greet him at the door.”

Sure enough, a couple of minutes later, a familiar car turned into the car park. I saw Phil get out and by chance, he happened to glance up at the window. I waved at Phil and smiled, knowing he’d be able to see me as I was lit from behind and it was dark outside. Phil waved back, before ducking into the building.

I made my way to the front door and waited for Phil to come up the stairs. After a minute, I opened the door, and there was Phil, three steps from the landing.

“Hi,” I greeted him, pulling him into a hug as he reached the door, “How’re you doing?”

“I’m really tired and I still feel a little weird,” Phil admitted, less than willing to break away from me.

“Get some pyjamas on, then come and join Adam and I in the lounge. I'll make you a hot drink,” I told him, “And I’ll even share the duvet!”

Once Phil had disappeared into our room to get changed, I headed for the kitchen. I decided I’d make him a hot chocolate, with his lacto-free milk of course.

“I’m making hot chocolate, d’you want one?” I asked Adam as I passed him by.

His answer was yes, so I would now be making three hot chocolates. They might not quite live up to the standard of Phil’s, but I’d do my best. It turned out that a number of non-instant hot chocolates were dairy free, so we had no problem with Phil on that one; we just changed the milk he had it with.

As I made the hot chocolates, I kept a tab on which one was Phil’s. I’d picked out one of his favourite mugs and made sure to make his drink in it. It would kill me if I made him sick, so I was very careful.

It took me about five minutes, but soon there were three steaming cups of hot chocolate on the counter. I loaded them onto a tray and took them through to the living room. I handed Adam a hot chocolate then laid mine and Phil’s on the table beside me.

I spread the duvet across my lap, then lifted it up in the middle to leave a gap between my legs where Phil could sit. It wasn’t long before Phil walked into the room, now in his pyjamas, with a blanket already draped around his shoulders. I patted the space between my legs and invited him to sit down. I knew that I’d promised myself not to show too much affection to Phil in front of Adam, but sometimes exceptions had to be made.

Once Phil was settled, I reached out for his hot chocolate and passed it to him, “One lactose free hot chocolate.”

“Thanks,” Phil said, smiling tiredly and taking a sip, “It’s pretty good.”

“Am I right that’s one of your favourite mugs?” I asked him, gesturing to the mug he was holding, “I made it in that so I wouldn’t get it mixed up with mine and Adam’s.”

“Yeah, it is,” Phil nodded happily, “Thank you.”

The three of us all sipped our hot chocolate in peace, Adam alone on his sofa and Phil snuggled up in a blanket between my legs. It was clear from his cuddliness how tired he was, but I didn't quite know the full extent of it until his head tipped back at a funny angle and so too did the remainder of his hot chocolate. He'd fallen asleep before he even got to finish it.

I reached out and grabbed the hot chocolate, taking it from him before he spilt it everywhere. I laid it down on the table, before figuring out what to do with the half asleep Phil. In his current state, he was just dozing off, but I knew I needed to get him to bed before he fell into a deep sleep.

“Phil,” I said, shaking him slightly, trying to wake him up enough to get him to bed.

“Hmm?” Phil mumbled sleepily.

“Time to go to bed,” I told, moving so I was sitting next to him and linking our arms around each other, “Come on, get up.”

Phil got up with me and I walked with him through to our room. I knew he hadn't brushed his teeth, but I could tell there was no way that was going to be happening. He was half asleep and stumbling as we walked and the most sensible idea was to just plop him straight into bed. I made sure he looked comfortable before pulling the duvet up around him. He'd never really woken up, so he was back asleep in no time.

With it barely even being ten yet, I knew Adam and I would be staying up for a bit longer. We hadn't had the exerting day that Phil had. Adam and I fell back onto discussing how his soulmate was doing. Adam could sense that he was feeling really tense and tired, so using his new found levels of communication through the bond, he tried to suggest something to help.

Remarkably, he was able to put the idea into his soulmate’s head of going for a bath, and it worked! After thinking about it for a couple of minutes, Adam was now able to tell me that he was running a bath. It was clear even to me once his soulmate was in the bath, because Adam started visibly relaxing too. However, Adam didn't seem relaxed for long, suddenly looking a little red in the face and beginning to look a bit uncomfortable.

“M sorry, Dan, he's getting himself off and… oh god… umm I need to go sort myself out,” Adam stuttered suddenly, blushing a deep red, getting to his feet and very unsubtly holding the crotch of his pants.

Realising what was happening, I felt a little second hand embarrassment, but knew he needed to go and take care of himself pretty quickly, “You got everything you need? You don't need any lube or anything?”

“I'm alright, I don't really go there,” he stammered, still looking incredibly embarrassed.

“Right,” I said, tossing him the box of tissues from the table, “Have fun, take these to clean up the mess and I'll see you in the morning.”

Adam stuttered out a ‘goodnight’ before waddling off to his room with one hand down his pants and the other carrying the box of tissues. I remembered how easily it was to get turned on at fifteen, and just how embarrassing it could get when you found a boner springing up in front of people. I would leave him alone until morning, making sure he got the privacy he needed.

As I sat in the living room, some noises from Adam's room started to filter their way through. They were quiet enough not to wake Phil, but I felt a bit uncomfortable with what I was hearing. Phil's laptop and a pair of headphones were laying on the coffee table, so I decided I would make use of them and watch some YouTube videos for a bit.

After a while, I felt my eyelids started to droop and I was losing the ability to focus on what I was watching. That was when I knew it was time to go and join Phil in bed. Taking the duvet from the sofa with me, I got myself ready for bed, then climbed in next to Phil. I must’ve disturbed him a little when I got into bed, as he rolled over and cuddled up next to me.

“Love you, Dan,” he mumbled as he cuddled into my chest.

“I love you too, Phil,” I mumbled, back, putting an arm around him and taking up the position of big spoon.

Next Chapter =>

[antthonystark]

Could you talk a little bit about how Matt's acting and how good it is? You're always spreading positivity and I always like seeing it around

This ask is like 25 days old, andI’m really sorry, but I really neededto make sure I had the time to sit down and write for a whole goddamn afternoonabout this because, as one might have ascertained from my url, sidebar image,icon, description, and content of my posts, I kinda like Matt Daddario, sorta, maybe. So yeah, I have a lot tosay about this so brace yourself!!!

(Also, just so I don’t have tokeep repeating it throughout the whole “””essay”””, the purpose of this post is notto say that Matt is better than the rest of the cast or to say that he’s moreworthy of praise than everyone else (they’re all amazing), but this lovely anonasked specifically about Matt, so that’s what..that’s what I’m talking about.)

The thing about Matt is that he’sso beautiful to look at that people sometimesthink that that’s all there is to him, and I’m the first to agree that he isindeed beautiful to look at but he’s such a goddamn good Alec that I’d justlike to take some time to draw attention to that fact too. Unlike somecharacters like Simon or Clary, Matt (similarly to Harry as well) has to sortof undergo a more complete persona shift as Alec – his mannerisms, demeanour,way of speaking and interacting all change quite a bit. It’s more subtle than,for example, the Harry-to-Magnus transformation, but it’s there. Obviously I’mnot saying it’s more Acting™ than for example Kat or Alberto (actually Albertoin my opinion delivers the best and most consistent performance out ofeverybody in the cast, and Kat of course is excellent as well), but it’s one of the things that makes his portrayalinteresting to me, because, to me, so many more things become deliberate when there’s a more significant shift from one’s own personality and demeanour.

I want to talk about every singleAlec scene in this post but, honestly, we’d be here for days, so I’m justgoing to break things down in a way that’s hopefully a bit more brief. (spoiler alert: it’s not brief….it’s not…brief at all)

Emotions & Expressions: The Alec Challenge™

I’ve talked about this before,but I think Matt has a unique challenge in playing Alec just because of thenature of Alec as a character and how he emotes. Even other characters who areemotionally guarded are not quite as outof touch with their emotions as a character like Alec is. What I mean froman acting perspective (disclaimer: I know nothing about acting in aprofessional context lol) is that Alec, rather than just being guarded bynature – like Magnus or Jace – feels things very deeply, and then activelysuppresses showing those emotions(this was true for the majority of S1 and parts of S2), meaning that Alec oftenhas an affect that’s quite stoic and flat which he forces himself to have, butwe also have to see that strugglebetween “having deep feelings –> can’t allow self to show feelings –> unfeeling appearance” in order for the performance to be dimensional and notone-note, and this is the Alec Challenge™. And I think in this – honestly –Matt excels beautifully. It’s probably my favourite aspect of his portrayal ofAlec, because it’s subtle but it’s damngood.  Because in the moments thatAlec is allowed to be vulnerable, hisexpressions speak such volumes, and moreover, they still show that conflict.

Example 1: The freakin’ goldmine for this thing that I’m talkingabout has to be that scene between Jace and Alec in 1x05, when Alec still hadfeelings for Jace and they were talking about what happened in 1x04 with thememory demon. My heart fucking breaks forAlec here and Matt does damn beautifully. When Jace tells him that he loveshim, you can almost see him stopbreathing, his heart stop beating, for a split second, as he misconstrues whatJace says – and then after Jace elaborates, just look at his reaction – with nowords at all, you’re now fully attuned to the sort of tragic circumstances ofAlec and his deep infatuation with Jace, and its inability to be reciprocated(as it’s juxtaposed with that brief hopefulness, thatdid-he-just-say-what-I-think-he-said a moment before). He nods a little bit,like ‘of course that’s what he meant, don’t be stupid’ and it’s just so very good. No words, and the relationship between Alec and Jace is made somuch more complex and added so much more depth, just in these few moments alone.(Also shoutout to Dom for being amazing wrt Alec/Jace scenes and really forbeing phenomenal in general as well. I know I disclaim-ed this before but Ican’t help it I love them all so much.)

And then, after, when Alec says,“I thought you would think that….” and Jace says “what?” and Alec can’t evenbring himself to say anything or  toelaborate, because he can’t, becausethat would give him up, so he just swallows it down - or tries to - but just look at his expression. I don’t even havewords. Just loooooooooooook.

Example 2: Still in the timeframe where Alec has feelings for Jace(sorry if you don’t like this storyline lol, I know a lot of people don’t, butMatt did such amazing work in it that I can’t ignore it in this post! – plus S1gifs are so much easier to make on the fly lol).  The beautiful 1x07 Clace kiss, made all themore beautiful for Alec’s reaction to it. Like, here you can see exactly what I’m talking about. Yousee the way he looks away immediately, you can see he’s upset (and maybe I’m reading into it too much lol but youcan also sort of tell maybe that he’s not upset with either of them, really, but more so with himself), andthen you can see exactly how he kind of re-calibrates himself (like, you can’t show this emotion), and thenschools his expression into one that’s casual and aloof and walks away. Iremember watching this like 50,000 times when this ep first came out because itwas so good and my heart just brokefor Alec a million times.

Example 3: The other goldmine for this thing that I’m describing,this conflict in feeling vs. showing emotion, is the first Malec scene in 1x12(they’re all freakin’ amazing, I couldn’t even do the wedding scene because it kills me inside and I’d be heredoing a frame-by-frame analysis for 10 days straight). But like…I mean, do Ireally need to describe it? In the “you’re confusing me” part, you can just seeso much, the confusion, apprehension, almost fear in his eyes. I really canjust let the gifs do the talking here, but damn. There’s a reason this is oneof my favourite scenes in the whole series, and these two gifs encompass awhole lot of it. So. Much. Emotion. Good job, Matt. (Also, again, shoutout toHarry for being the perfect Magnus inthis scene and always, and because Malec scenes are so much more than Matt andHarry individually but also how they play off of each other so damn well.)

Example 4: I love thismoment so much from 2x02, after he snaps at Izzy for not knowing how he’sfeeling. You can see the hugeness of his love for Jace (sorry this is turninginto a Jace+Alec appreciation post lol, but the reason why that relationship isso compelling to me is largelybecause of Matt and Dom’s amazing performances thereof), as well as his ownapprehension and almost fear the enormity of his feelings – where Alec hastried so hard to be in control of his emotions, but with Jace missing he’s beenvolatile has not been able to exert that control, and it’s difficult for him todeal with.  Also, I want to give anhonourable mention to the opening Alec scene of 2x01, because it’s anotherperfect – perfect – illustration andbeautiful performance by Matthew of this unique Alec conflict of not being in control of his emotions,and that volatility and just how poorly Alec is in touch with himself and howto handle the enormity of these feelings is perfectly captured.

Example 5: I fucking hate giffing this scene, so I’m mentioning itin brief, but the scene on the rooftop in 2x05 is another really good exampleof the quintessentially Alec conflict of not wanting to show anyone how much he’shurting. And Matt is phenomenal in that scene tbh.

Example 6: Okay just one more real quick is 1x03, “She’s got a thing,” about Izzy, and then Izzyreplies teasingly/knowingly (about Alec being gay or Alec’s thing for Jace,it’s unclear, but one of the two), “We’ve all got our things.” The way Alec’s smile fades, a moment of insecurity, and heturns away aloof once again. Obviously, it’s a bit of sisterly teasing, and soit’s still a light moment for sure (you can still see a bit of a smile on hisface), but it’s just a subtle and nice thing okay I just like it

Another something that I reallylike, jumping back to Season 1, is this scene with Magnus in 1x09, very shortafter he has proposed to Lydia. Unlike in 1x08 and 1x06, where he has beenextremely and unprecedently open and comfortable and just generally, like,mellow around Magnus, here you immediately see his walls slam up, but you canalso see and feel the conflict thatirradiates from him, the idea that he wants to talk to Magnus but he’s not lettinghimself, and the self-consciousness of being around him in public as well,after the proposal, after he’s definitively Not Allowed himself this (I’m gonnatalk more about this in the next section too, just you wait lol):

But then, also, you see acontinuance of this kind of behaviour towards Magnus throughout the nextepisode in which they interact largely (before that scene in 1x12 that Imentioned earlier) – the “furrowed brow” as Magnus called it in 1x06, where yousee him kind of force himself to be distant with Magnus, emotionally keepingthose walls up which you can see in his expression in the following scenes aswell. A far cry again from mellow, smiley 1x06 Alec – he wants it, but hedoesn’t allow himself to have it anymore. Even when he’s smiling (“so you getit”) in 1x11, you can still see that he is more distanced, reserved compared tohow he interacted w/ Magnus in earlier episodes:

So what ALL of this does isinstead of Alec being that one-note, super-stoic character that we see in filmand television from time to time, he gets somuch depth out of these few moments of mini-expressions alone, kudos toMatt, in these moments where Alec gets to be somewhat vulnerable. You get tosee how much he feels, how conflictedhe is in such moments, and so when you have Jace saying something like “[Alecis] sensitive” in 2x08, you fucking believe it.

The reason I didn’t include theiconic™ 2x10 I love you scene is that it’s more of a 100% vulnerable Alecrather than conflicted – as Alec is learning to be more and more open with hisemotions, especially around Magnus. But I wanted to mention it to give yet more kudos to Matt for me being ableto see that development in Alec interms of the way that he emotes – there’s a distinct difference in this scenecompared to the Malec scene in 1x12 that I cited up there, for example, as Alecgrows into a more emotionally open and available person, that you can see inthe way that Alec/Matt emotes. As early as 2x05, in the scene on Magnus’s fireescape, you can see kind of a “middle” Alec, where he sort of tries to go “I’mfine” (which is another such a GOOD example of what I’m talking about) and thenstarts to blurt out how he’s actually feeling towards Magnus and is once againmore openly vulnerable. So, like. Nice.

I guess I want to say here thatMatt isn’t just goo\d at depicting the conflict between emotions, but justlike, emoting in general? He’s extremely believable in Alec’s most vulnerablemoments, and, honestly, that’s why I livefor them. Like, I could list a million scenes – the fight with Jace in1x09, the fight with demon!Izzy in 2x04, the malec scenes in 1x06 and 2x01, thedamn fucking scene at the end of 2x03, and I could go on. I guess, the thingis, this is a pretty lowbrow show, and in fantasy/YA shows you often see kindof tropey, two-dimensional characters where actors can kinda just phone it in,but in this you have these nuanced and thoughtful performances that justelevate the whole thing past what it is to make the characters so complex anddimensional – and this really goes for the whole cast, not just Matt, but alsoMatt included. (Also not just in vulnerable Alec moments, but in the raremoments where he gets to do comedic moments, he’s also amazing and justperfectly on point. Seventeen thousand,anyone? Or whenever he drinks alcohol. As a non-alcohol-drinker, let me tellyou, that is the exact face we makewhen drinking liquor and it’s fucking great. Like in 2x06, when he does thedouble-flinch after drinking the martini? Most actors who show it just grimaceonce, but there is indeed two very dramatic flinches, that’s just accurate. A+nice one matthew.)

Voice and Dialogue Delivery

So bouncing right off of theprevious section, I want to start talking about one of my favourite things inthis cruel world, Matthew Daddario’s voice. Other than his cute accent and thedumb way he says the word “something” and the way that it always risesdramatically in pitch when he’s excited or offended (I could go on), I love love love love how voice is involvedin how he emotes.

Now, you might be thinking,Mavra, come on, this is just basic acting, it doesn’t make him exceptional.Well, I don’t care. I just like it,and let me tell you why. Because ofthe above-mentioned and crucial characteristic of Alec – the inability to emoteusing facial expressions at 100% due to Alec’s suppression of his own emotions.But oh my God the voice – that little strain or hitch or crack in Alec’s voicethat comes every so often, I shit you not, nothing in this whole goddamn beautifulshow has made me more goddamn emotional than that. Because you see that part ofAlec that he can’t control – you get to feel the sheer scope of how much he’s feeling and how little he’sletting himself show it, just through that little hitch in his voice. You can’tgif voices, so it’s hard for me to illustrate, but ugh. I just. I love it somuch.

Examples: 2x05, “I let a demon in, Magnus” – you canhear it here; 1x12, “You just don’t get it…I could lose my family, my career,everything”; 2x05, “I couldn’t save you from Valentine…” and actually just thewhole scene on the rooftop is filled with instances of it; 2x01, the openingscene is just SO DAMN GOOD in every way and you can hear some of it there; whenhe’s talking to Lydia after Magnus walks into the wedding in 1x12 and he’stelling her he can’t go through with it, it’s a little bit present; and I can’tthink of any more off the top of my head, but like you feel me, right?

Also, like I said, I wanted tocome back to this scene from 1x09:

So obviously you can’t hear himin that gif, but I LOVE the way he delivered those lines. Like, he starts offhard and loud, “It’s okay.” Again, asI was talking about the scene, it’s like Alec isn’t allowing himself to haveany moments with Magnus anymore because he chose to marry Lydia. But Magnuspersists, oblivious to this fact, and it kind of melts Alec for a bit? When hesays the next line, “Magnus, I’m good, all right? I gotta…” it’s just a tinybit softer and less strident than the “it’s okay.”  Idk man, I just love it.

Also, like, he’s good atbreathing? This is utterly ridiculous-sounding, but it’s true, okay, the way Alec’s breathing was coming up short in 1x12after Magnus walks in was literally palpable and was giving me breathing problems through thegoddamn computer screen. Also in 2x10, when you can hear him literally 2minutes away from a panic attack, and that’s just so visceral and good. Butanyway, weird aside about breathing over.

And I was talking aboutexpressions a lot, but I just love the way that Matt – generally – deliverslines as well. Maybe it’s because I love his voice, but I just love it. One ofmy favourite things, because #relatable, is the way Alec isn’t so great with articulatinghimself verbally. And it’s utterly unlikeMatt himself, who has such a measured and often deliberate way of talking, atleast publicly (he barely ever trips over his words at all, if you’ll notice,instead just pausing at length sometimes), but Alec’s stutters and stammers areso well-delivered and believably rendered, I think (like, I’d like to hearkenback to the “you’re confusing me” scene from 1x12) and it’s just…Nice™, Iguess. I like it.

I don’t really know what else Ican say about his line delivery other than the fact that it’s just good, generally, it’s believable andjust, yeah. Some of my favourites of his lines actually are with Izzy (also,shoutout to Emeraude here, because Matt and Emeraude play against each other so so so so good, I love their dynamic so much and they really bring out thebest in each other), especially when he’s sort of teasing Izzy. He just has the lightly teasing, sardonicribbing thing down perfectly in his tone, and it’s so Alec. My favourite is probably the extremely sarcastic “Great job, Izzy!” from 1x03 (and really,that whole conversation). Also, the “turning over a new leaf?” in 1x07. Andthis is more Emeraude appreciation, but the whole Jessica Hawkblue exchange in2x07 was a-dor-able and theirplatonic chemistry on screen is on point.But I digress. Matt says things good, is the point of this paragraph, I think.We’re three thousand words in, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. To add onto the Alec/Izzy thing, another one I liked a lot was the biting “is that whatyou’re calling it now?” about Izzy’s connections to the Seelies in 1x06,because it was in almost that sameteasing tone, but it has such a bitter twist to it, and it was just so good.

ALSO: A line delivery (as well asexpression and just everything) I like A Lot is from that same scene in1x06 was “I knew Clary Fray would come back to bite me in the ass.” You canfeel the anger, frustration, resignation, but his voice is quiet, his anger and sense of always coming up short and being unfairly treated, asalways, below the surface (bubbling up slightly more in the “Screw the rules,screw all of this” at the end of the scene) – but there’s that bitter twist ofa smirk and I’m not making  any sense Ijust love this moment so much bye

Final thing: THE WAY HIS VOICEGETS LOW AND DEEP AND SOFT™ SOMETIMES. THIS KILLS THE MAN. Just because sooften Alec’s voice is quite loud and somewhat uninflected, outside of hisvulnerable moments (or moments like the above-mentioned ones with Izzy), likeyou’re running into a brick wall – which is probably exactly what Alec intendswith that inflection (that Matt captures so well, I’m sorry at this point I’musing Alec and Matt interchangeably lol). But then you get moments like 1x12’s“No, you’re not sick” or 2x06’s “I hear that relationships, they take effort”or 2x07’s “In good ways I hope.” Honestly it’s 2AM, this paragraph is just anappreciation of Matt’s deep/soft voice. I love. But like, it’s good acting too.A+ showing vulnerability and softness. Nice job matthew.

Okay, one more quick one that Ilove so much for some weird reason I can’t explain – in 1x05, when they’retrying to track Clary, and it’s not working. Jace says, “Alec, concentrate”,and Alec says nothing. It still doesn’t work, and Jace says, “Alec!” in areally sharp voice, and Alec says “I’m doingit.” That last line – fuck, man, it’s like quiet but not soft and it just killsme with the weight of the insecurity and apology in Alec’s voice. It’s one ofmy weird ones, I can’t explain it but I like it so much I had to mention it.

BASICALLY. I like the way Mattsays his lines. I think his inflections and dialogue deliveries are usually sovery believable, but more than that, they addsuch an important dimension to his performance, especially for a character whophysically or outwardly forces himself not to show emotion.

Body Language

I don’t have much to say on thisexcept there’s a couple of details that I really like in terms of bodylanguage, the first one being this little nervous hand tic that Alec has.Again, Alec is in general a somewhat high-strung and withdrawn/reserved person,so I like these little, nuanced, effective reminders of the fact that he hascertain anxieties (e.g. here, talking to Magnus on the date and I’m pretty sure that’s what his hand wouldbe doing when he’s telling Magnus he loves him):

It basically is just a nice andminor way to give the performance that bit more dimension. 

Otherwise, a lot of this hasalready been said previously. I really like how Alec often stands in a very soldier-like “at ease” stance, with his feetplanted wide and his hands clasped behind his back, if he’s not doing anythingelse. It’s just really nice shorthand for not only his militaristic upbringing,but his adherence to it over the other young Shadowhunters that we see.

I also like Alec’straining/punching bag scenes (for So Many reasons but no time to get into itall now) because I think it’s basically apparent at this point that Alec trainswhen he’s trying to process emotions that he doesn’t know how to process orcontrol. To that end, the scenes in 1x08 and 2x02 are very interesting to me,because unlike what one might expect of a character blowing off steam, he’sstill very regular/disciplined in how he attacks the bag – there’s no loss ofcontrol, which makes so much sense, because this is Alec’s conduit into gaining back control after the loss ofcontrol he tends to feel when his emotions get too complex for his emotionallystunted self to suppress – finding out his parents were in the Circle and hiswhole life has been a lie, almost getting Jace back and then losing him again.1x09 is different, you can see a certain anger and loss of control there(although it’s brief), and I think this is because 1x09 is a differentmotivation – this is an example of self-harm, I think, rather than an attemptto gain lost control – this is after his altercation with Magnus, pushing him away,after he proposed to Lydia. Alec is not exactly immune to self-loathing, and I’msure these events are not helping that (especially given Izzy’s “you’re hurtingyourself”). So I think that distinction is important and I really like all of thesescenes in terms of their body language.

The last specific thing I want to mention is eye contact. For somereason, idk if this is just me (I have some issues with eye contact lol), Ifeel this is a bit of a salient behavioural thing with Alec. Like, you’ll oftensee him avoiding eye contact in certain situations, especially when he’s vulnerable.1x09, after the fight with Jace; 1x05, while Jace is trying to talk to him andhe feels uncomfortable around Jace after the memory demon occurrence; his “I’mfine” to Jace earlier in 1x09; looking away from Jace throughout most of hisspeech in 1x12 about Magnus at the bachelor party; his “I’m fine” to Magnus in2x05; frequently looking away from Magnus in 2x06 esp. during the “somethingwrong with me” speech. BUT, more interestingly, whenever he wants to destroy someonein true Alec Lightwood fashion, there’s always a prolonged and deliberate momentof eye contact. I first noticed it in 1x08, when Alec is delivering the autopsyresults to Lydia, and he hands them to Maryse while literally staring Lydiadown, not breaking eye contact until after he gave it to her. Same in 1x09after his fight with Jace – he’s looking away from him until he deliberatelyand definitively chooses against Jace, and that’s when he looks at Jace, whenhe says “no”. Also in 2x09, when he especially claps Aldertree on the shoulder,looks him in the eye, smirks, and then leaves (damn son). I really like this contrast, because it’s another subtlehint at these conflicting parts of Alec – his insecurity vs. his ultimate strength.Idk how intentional it is on the part of Matt, but I noticed it and it’s like, myfavourite thing.

The Sum of Its Parts

So in the above, I sort of teasedapart separate elements just to kind of look at them in depth and in a differentway, but ultimately the whole is more than the sum of its parts. All three ofthese things, and many more nuances and details, are integrated together andare used in different ways in different scenes to communicate different things and aspects of character and motivation and emotion.All together, it creates such a damn beautiful portrait of this character, AlecLightwood, that’s nuanced and dimensional and honestly perfectly rendered. Evenwhen he’s in the backgrounds of scenes, even when he only has a couple of linesin scenes, every single thing is usually just so good that it adds so muchrichness to the character and makes it such a compelling performance to watch. (And also, like, so realistic and three-dimensional while borrowing very little from Matt himself - or rather what we know of Matt - in terms of mannerisms and such? at least, I think so) 

 Again, a lot of people like to ascribe a lot of Alec’s popularity to Matt’sphysical attractiveness – and I’m going to be honest, I do not doubt that that figures into why a lot of people like Alec, itcertainly did for me at least initially – but I also think that Matt delivers areally good performance that brings both nuance and depth to the struggles andconflicts of this character, which makes Alec such a compelling, relatable, andrealistic character.

Ultimately, I also think a lot ofwhat I showed here and what Matt does evidences something that is ultimately socrucial (and this comes through in Matt’s interviews, or at least, when someoneactually asks him a question about Alec independent of his relationships, whichlol is not too often) – his understanding of his character is so, so, so on point. And honestly at least 35% of why I’mnot going to breathe easy until June 5th is just because I cannothonestly wait to see more of all ofthis.

and that’s….yeah. that’s what i have to say… about…that….

[blueskyheadleft010]

Analysis of Stevenbomb: Wanted

There be spoilers under the cut

Ok, so first off I want to say that I am very pleased with this strong narrative Season 5 has started with and am dying for the next episode(s) to come out even though we have none scheduled as of yet. (I swear to goodness it better not be an entire month before we get another episode I’ll be frothing at the mouth and dying by then).

I’ll go ahead and skip analyzing Stuck Together since it aired early and most of the internet has already seen it. Having said that, let’s proceed to The Trial.

While there’s a lot to say about this episode, I’ll try my best to summarize it as just WOW.

True to her word, Rebecca has done it again by giving the fandom exactly what it has been waiting for since Jailbreak Season 1. A meeting of the Diamonds with Steven acting as a key factor. To be honest, I was honestly surprised we were getting straight to the point with this episode, seeing how Steven just sorta decided to surrender at the last moment in I am my Mom, but I’m grateful the Crewniverse wastes no time throwing us into the hellfire of a 6,000-year-old grudge against Rose Quarts as we finally get to see exactly what roles the Diamonds play on Homeworld.

I absolutely adored Zircon in this scene; trying her best to be a good lawyer and losing her cool, and yeah I get the show’s ‘logic’ is supposed to for kids, but honestly her dialogue had me raising an eyebrow or two as she tried to state her case, and I think even Steven knew she was getting nowhere with her argument.

Speaking of that, the attitudes that the different Zircons and Pearls have towards their own kind ruled under different Diamonds was an interesting little bit of information that clearly shows gems don’t seem to find ‘compassion’ and ‘friendship at the top of their list; at least when it comes to other gems ruled under another Diamond. (I also loved how Y-Pearl typed her entry in, while B-Pearl drew pictures. :3)

Adding Lars in for the trial was an interesting touch that I think surprised just about everyone, seeing how up until now he hasn’t really been significant to the plot other than for comedic relief and furthering Steven’s own maturity. I like how he’s just sorta dragged around by the gems, yet is still allowed to do his own thing to an extent. (So long as he doesn’t interfere with whatever the gems are doing). Seeing how he helps keep Steven grounded and focused on the mission I think is what makes him an important plot piece in the episode, as otherwise I think Steven would be very overwhelmed without a direct goal in mind. (And that goal is saving Lars and getting out of there.)

Blue Zircon really makes her debut after the brief court recess, as she finally gets her act together after Steven provides her with some actual evidence, and completely turns the tables around as she goes as far as to accuse the Diamonds of sabotage based on the factual evidence and eye witness accounts.

Here’s something I found funny. Eyeball as a witness. She had no real reason to be there, and frankly made herself look even worse when she admitted Steven healed her during the trial. Why would a Diamond shatterer heal an enemy gem? ;) Still, it was a nice little touch the Crewniverse added for comedic effect and I loved it all the same.

I’ll wrap it up by saying that Yellow seemed pretty mad to be accused of treason, though I have my suspicions that she’s not the real culprit here, nor is Blue. (Though dang Blue’s emotion manipulating abilities are something to be afraid out.) It might be White, since she’s not been seen yet, and she may not even exist I’m just spit balling, or it might be a color switching/shapeshifting alien/gem? We’ve never seen before.

Point is, Rose is pretty much confirmed to not be the killer of Pink Diamond. I’d bet my two cents that she loved PD, and that Pink was actually trying to help humans. :O

Off Colors

Oh you sneaky writers, you ;)

I really like how the title not only foreshadows Lars’ death, but is also a slang term for ‘defect’ on Homeworld, which I never guessed either would be canon in my wildest dreams.

So, we basically meet 3 new gems (8/9/10 ½ ??? If you count the fusions and whatnot) and Lars becomes a hardcore hero who sacrifices himself to save his new friends.

I have to give props to Lars for doing what he did, seeing how he’d basically been a yellow-belly this entire time and only ran away from his problems. Honestly I expected him to do the same this time around, but when I watched him interact with the defects I realized that he saw something he’d never expected to see in those gems. Himself. And why is this significant?

Let me put this in perspective for ya,

Have you ever looked at an old photo of yourself doing something either embarrassing or something that reminds you of a darker time in your life and go, “If only I had a time machine and could go back and tell myself not to do ‘x’ or that life will get better if you just hang on a bit longer… Then life would be so much better for the both of us.” This is Lars seeing his past-self reflected in these, scared, defenseless gems, who have no one to help them.

So this is why Lars decides to become courageous and be the hero he’s always wished he could be but was too afraid to act, and goes ape sh*t on the robonoids because he knows he’s the only line of defense they’ve got.

So ya, needless to say I’m very proud of Lars for sticking up for himself and protecting the defects from Homeworld.

(Also A+ writing for the team thinking about Lars being ‘invisible’ to the Robonoid’s scanners and using that against them! It was amazing and heroic and alkjfhdgjkdhfjgkhfj!)

Lars’ Head

So a bit of a misleading title, but understandable given it’s hard to explain what’s just occurred in a few short words while simultaneously not spoiling the episode. (Even though everyone already knows that Lars is Pink Lion 2.0 from the previous episode).

So wow, again I never expected this to be a canon thing in the SUniverse.

I can’t really express the excitement I got when Lars was revived by Steven, the team discussing death (briefly and without literally saying that word ‘death’ just ‘away from life’), and Lars is PINK now. (And has what I assume is a BA permanent eye scar, along with the fact his ear lobes are probably stretched out forever now hahahaha sucks to be you Lars! ;D)

I think Lars accurately summed up everyone’s thoughts when he asked Steven “Am I a zombie now?!?” because let’s face it, yes Lars, you are in fact a very, very, magical pink zombie. J

So yeah, let’s talk about the defect gems for a second since I totes forgot about them in favor of paying attention to my Pink Son for a moment.

We’ve got the Twins of Rutile, Rhodonite, Flourite, and  Padparadscha Sapphire (Which I’m gonna call P-Sapphire for now).

The twins are rather interesting, as they seem to be the most level-headed of the team, as well as quite possibly two of the brighter gems in the group. I just really love how they don’t seem to be all that concerned about their appearance, and more concerned about the group, which really shows how compassionate they are in comparison to some of the other characters on the show which are way more hung up on their looks than caring for others.

Rhodonite wasn’t a major shocker for me, seeing how we’ve already been filled in about Garnet’s past, but it did raise some eyebrows about how two gems fused on Homeworld and weren’t shattered right away for doing so, just merely replaced. I think theirs’s a lot more to their story the Crewniverse didn’t have time to put in, but hopefully somewhere along the lines we’ll see her again and get to know more about the two of them.

Flourite is… Interesting. Besides the obvious fact that she looks like the Hookah smoking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, her personality and combination of gems is so distinct from the others that it’s amazing she’s actually a stable fusion. I get the underlying theme is polyamory for her, but besides that it’s something else to see such a massive fusion remain so gentle and kind while not bickering between herself since she’s got like 6 or 8 gems… Sidenote: something interesting I wanted to point out was how slow Flourite talks when she’s speaking, and one can only assume that’s because of how many gems she’s comprised of, which is fascinating. It speaks volumes that the more gems involved in a fusion, the more time it seems to take to sync up thoughts and even actions, as demonstrated by Flourite’s behavior.

Lastly, P-Sapphire. A classic Rosalina appearance with a heart of gold. I’m really curious to know how the heck she survived this long and how she found this rag-tag misfit of gems since she can only predict the recent past, as she seems to constantly be stuck in her visions as demonstrated by her actions. Regardless, she’s still really cute and I love how eager and excited she is about everything, so hopefully we’ll get to see her character arc grow past just comedic relief.

Anyways, back to Lars. The fact that Lars is essentially a portal home is cool enough, but when Steven steps inside it’s shown he’s got his own tree in there too. So I get Rose can do plant stuff, which explains the tree on? in? Lars, but what I don’t understand is the portal power since it doesn’t seem to be connected to either of her abilities.

The fact Rebecca decided to leave the defects and Lars on Homeworld was a surprise, but an understandable one, not for the story’s sake, but because trying to fit Flourite through Lars’ hair would be a nightmare that I don’t think anyone would want to explain.

So Steven discovers he’s a necromancer and that Lion’s his undead slave pet, and then the gems and Connie and Greg all show up just in time to have a reunion and happy tears are shed. (And then Steven proceeds to eat everything in sight, prompting Greg to go out and buy the boy some more bread lol).

So much has been left out in the open, and I get the distinct feeling this is gonna be the least season for this show. L Still, I feel like everything’s gonna be amazing when we get the next episode, so for now I’m rather content. :D