#so you have to find your courage and stop being so self-critical and just try to do good for the people you love

[theabigailthorn]

finally watched all of Hazbin, definitely cried a bit at Episode 7 and sent Morgana a tearful message

[zarnzarn]

i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.

first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.

a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.

stolitz is nothing like that.

Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.

and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-

cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?

thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.

even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.

he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?

(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)

(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)

mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.

and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.

but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-

they're in a BDSM relationship.

I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.

if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!

but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.

now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.

in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.

and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.

both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.

and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!

stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright

blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages

ya see?

bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.

shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.

i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.

anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.

unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).

the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.

[ganondoodle]

I was at first in love with totk, and I still think mechanical wise, its quite impressive

And when I collected all the tears and saw the "story" I genuinely got upset in a good way (at first), because man! Did they really got the balls to go that far? Is there nothing I can do for her? Now I MUST do all the temples, see how it plays out and --oh, I've got this cutscene already. Why are all the people so dumb about Zelda, I KNOW where she is, Link say something-- Link??

After finishing all the temples and almost falling asleep, I stopped playing the game, looked up the last boss and remaining cutscenes and went "Thats it?"

Watching other people (including you) being critically about so many things, both character and mechanical wise, I've almost startled myself with a realization what the gnawing feeling I constantly had, actually was.

Totk feels like a fanfic.

And don't get me wrong, I love fanfiction, I think its great and important, I adore fanfic writers, I love finding gems, I love reading self indulgent stories, see new spins and interpretation of characters. I love the casual, the passion, the creativity!

But totk gives me the same feeling everytime I am reminded that Fifty Shades is a Twillight fanfic.

The world is there. The faces I know and grew to love are there. But everything is ever so slightly different, uncannily so. Just how some characters talk, how they act, how they were placed in the story. The Zonai appearing out of nowhere, but no, they always had been there you see, they were these super magical advanced people but they all died, the king is so tragic. And you see, the king is super cool and powerful and-- oh I dont get to interact with him outside of the tutorial. Did they try to do another King Rhoam-- but wait, that only worked because we didn't knew he was a ghost-- totk wait stop why do you take him out of the story, why couldn't he be a companion, he IS ABLE TO TALK THROUGH THE ARM LET THE OLD GOAT COMMENT ON STUFF?? If you bring up all this ancient stuff and you still got a ghost lingering, let him talk?? (I never ended up getting Mineru but I smell wasted potential as well)

Im not even mad, I am disappointed. It feels like the devs saw what all the lore hunters got attached to and talked about and then just... took the "cool". All the Zonai stuff could've easily been Sheikah tech, but got just reskinned to look more exciting instead of being its own thing.

Like... at this point I prefer what fans are doing over what Totk gave us. The characterization of Rauru (and everything Zonai), projects like you do of what totk couldve been, the little nuggets of actual highlights and details of love fans find in the game. I found much more enjoyment in these concepts than I got from a 70bucks game. And thats depressing.

I love fanfiction. I dont love it when my corporate 70 dollar, six year development, console exclusive game feels like a story that passionate fan couldve written miles better in a week (and I've already seen much cooler and interesting rewrites and ideas).

Zelda has been a huge part of my childhood and its depressing seeing it treated like that. It always was about the story, the epic, its The Legend of Zelda for crying out loud. To be courageous to enter a dungeon, to be wise and solve all the riddles. To become powerful over the journey you embarked on. Zelda to me is the campfire story you tell to others and go into the woods or the beach and imagine what monsters you would slay. Zelda is not the sandcastle you build in the sandbox and then add dinosaurs and star wars ships because you didn't had any other toys, and just stumble into and over some story to entertain yourself until lunch is ready.

I'd have an oracle of seasons over another totk any day at this point. They should've just make the mechanics of totk its own thing, but I guess they were scared it wouldn't sell if it doesn't have a Mario or Zelda skin straped over it.

Anyways, sorry for the mini rant - love your art, love your thoughts and insights, and I am looking forward to see more of it - Zelda related or not (your original characters look amazing, I adore your style sm)

Hope you have a great rest of the day!

*nods along through this entire rant*

idk how many of my rants you have read but yeah ... yeah ... and the further you think about it the further it all falls apart, the wasted potential of it all and the goddamn audacity of them to do those interviews in which they make it EVEN WORSE is just

i know the expectation for a direct sequel to botw was huge and understandbly so but i really REALLY think it would not have been that hard to make it a good follow up even taking into account that totk was originally a DLC, pretty much all of botws aspects could have been developed further, i dont know what could have happened to make totk have turned out like this .. literally it feels like something had to have gone wrong, its like someone who doesnt know zelda nor botw at all was given a few prompts and then just made some generic fantasy story while the rest worked on ultrahand for 5 years

the technical impressive things ARE technical impressive, but i dont think it was necessary nor served the game well in any way (and i LOVE building games- however totk is neither a building game nor a story game nor a zelda game nor an exploration game nor a sequel imo) but zelda, this zelda, is not made for that and i cant help but think it was mainly to encourage people to make some ridiculous mechs so it can go viral on tiktok (not trying to discredit them, it IS cool what they are doing but i .... have my doubts if zelda is the right place for that)

ill stop there bc i have ranted so much about everything i dont wanna repeat it here again; it just doesnt feel like a real game (derogatory), it feels extra bad bc i was not really into zelda when botw came out and while i did get it as soon as i could (months after release since i just started a minijob and didnt have the money) i only over time grew to love zelda this much again, devouring any theories and anything about it bc i loved it so much- i was never into it like this when a new title was announced and dont own any special editions so i bought the totk collectors bc i was just so damn excited for it after the 2019 trailer dropped (god i want that time back ... it looked so much more like it was going to be an actual sequel) even if i was already worried it wouldnt be good at that point given how much i started to sense stuff i dont like about the newer trailers

i recently sold it at our local gameshop bc it was like a thorn in my side given how expensive it was and how dissapointed i was in the game, i genuinely think that, technical impressiveness aside, totk is the onyl zelda i truly cannot stand (for alot of reasons) and im genuinely worried for the future of the franchise

i bought an Oki (Okami) figurine for what i got back and i feel much happier with that :3

(also on a note, i did finish the game two weeks after release but stopped playing it right then and hadnt touched it since, i also streamed all of what i played and its still up if you want to see my slow descend into madness fjkdhkdhjk though its been a long while since then and i by far did not talk about everything back then, just what my most immediate frustrations were while still playing)

(also the gameplay isnt as good as people make it out to be, so much is so frustrating and punishing to use i am kinda baffled it got through like that and most people call that its best aspect ..... though i guess if the rest is so much worse even mid gameplay can seem good ooooooooh how dare i)

also thank you for liking what i do!!! <3 it means alot to know it is appreciated by someone :D

[that-guy-smeaton]

10 Life Lessons to learn from the Korean Drama Summer Strike

Summer Strike is a healing Korean Drama with a slice of life that revolves around the grief-stricken young woman who moved to the countryside after failing to chase her dreams of having a better life in Seoul. Here are the ten life lessons that I have grasped from this KDrama that might encourage you to watch this, too:  

1.      Quitting doesn’t always mean letting go of the opportunity, some times it can also be taking a step back to make a fresh start. And it doesn’t make us a loser. In fact, it makes us more courageous. Dropping everything that is bothering us when life seems to be cold, dark, and weary is not an easy thing to do. Thus as long as we’re still breathing, we just need to take a rest, self-reflect, try again, and go on with life. 

2.      Do not trade your inner peace for a paycheck. You are being compensated for your valuable service, not as someone to be bullied for. Never let someone look down on you and power trip you.

3.      You don’t have to be sorry for choosing the path that you want. Just because everyone is going on the same path doesn’t mean that you also have to. Going in the opposite direction of everyone else might be the right decision to find a peaceful and quiet path because sometimes living a simple life to the fullest is all that we need.

4.      Kindness will never be ineffective. It is contagious that even if you did not ask for something in return for showing someone genuine kindness, it would always be human nature to express gratitude in so many ways as a form of deep appreciation.  

5.      Having a goal in life takes time, and that’s okay. It’s alright to enjoy the present moment while finding your purpose. There is nothing wrong with living your life for yourself alone and not to please other people’s expectations. It is your life anyway.

6.      Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes will help you go on with life. Sometimes, to be able to avoid conflict, we just have to be more understanding and patient. Empathy is one of the main ingredients of a happy life.  

7.      Dreams do not only mean pursuing a career path and living a lavish life. For some, contentment, joy, and life satisfaction are the end goals of life. The life that allows you to feel the chilly breeze against your face, ride a bike for as long as you want to, decide what book to read, hear the sound of the laundry shaking before hanging it, and smell the lingering scent of detergent in your hand These feel great. And these are already enough.

8.      Surrender your feelings. There’s nothing wrong with liking someone, regardless of whether your feelings will be reciprocated or not. Do not ever worry. Sometimes seeing someone you like is already a good thing.

9.      Being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. People just have different interests and preferences, and if yours do not match theirs, that’s all right. There is nothing more fulfilling than enjoying your own company and creating a safe space.

10.  Stop being hard on yourself. Nothing is harsher than living your life in a daze and being afraid of failure, falling behind, and criticism. Self-love starts with having self-confidence and tenacity that will push us to try harder no matter what happens.

[msallurea]

Men are literally half of a woman, Accept it

Hello darlings, today I will be talking about my male audiences today so women either leave or shut up and pay attention. Now Kings I'm aware my title may seem a but misleading so let me explain...

Men, you all at some point in your life have been de-masculinilized, criticized, bullied, your masculinity has been butchered and beaten to a pulp. Girls this is partly yall fault (don't be mad with me be mad with yourself a hit dog will holla). Now it isnt every man but many of you had been raised with absolutely TERRIBLE male role models. Many of you, though it wasn't said verbally, you physically have been taught to mistreat women, emotionally have been taught to mistreat women, and even spiritually have been taught to mistreat women. But this isn't just toward the mistreatment of women but towards yourselves as well. Men, you have been taught that toxic masculinity IS masculinity. Whether it be you being the strongest, fastest, most aggressive, etc. Now girls yall are partly to blame for this as well, especially in the dating world. You girls would rather choose a man who is more aggressive, more vulgar, disrespectful, non-stable, living the "hustle" life, etc and then get mad when a man is doing exactly that. In other words these stereotypical types of men have basically been unbearably pushed in the market so much so that now when it actually comes to finding a "good man" well it seems like there isn't any. Which leads me to my next point...

Men, I'm sure in your household somewhere down the line you were told that "xyz is for girls, don't do that" or "toughen up" or "man up and stop being a b*tch"..sound familiar doesn't it? Well all these things come together and create toxic masculinity itself. Not only is it disrespectful to you but it's even worse when you don't even have the proper example of what any if these terms mean. Now obviously, as you can see I'm no man 😂, so I doubt my words can genuinely have a major impact but I will re-word some of the many terms I've heard Men being told over the years and give you Kings a much better definition.

Men's Vocabulary 101🤓

"Toughen up" - men I know this term can often feel intimidating especially if you're young. It can make you feel weak and inferior to the next man but that's not what you need to feel at all.

"My love, to Toughen up is to have courage. It is to be brave in those precious times you aren't. It is alright to be scared and afraid, you are human it is normal. But just because you are scared does not mean you are weak. Just because you are afraid, does not mean you are not a man. It is to stand up for yourself in times where it is needed and to leave certain battles alone when you know its a war that isn't worth winning, it's knowing not every fight is a fight itself but rather someone else's hurt trying to rub off on you..don't take the bait. It's being able to learn from your mistakes and take accountability when needed, it is being a leader to those who are lost, and need to be lead; sometimes the strongest thing a King can do, is learn to walk away and think before he acts, your greatest gift is how you act on things but..it is also your greatest weakness. To be tougher is to learn self control, because if you can control yourself you can control everything else around."

"Be a man" - the same as my statement above. What exactly does it mean to be a man though? Well some of you might've said to be a fighter or some of you may have even went blank. But in fact, that's not the case at all

"You see kings, to be a man it is not in the flaunty attire you wear (though there's nothing wrong with looking sharp), it is not in how tall you are, how well you speak or even in how strong you look. Instead to be a man in the wise words of God himself "Man is a person and is therefore capable of making moral choices" man is made in the image of God. To be a man is to be immovable and steadfast. To be a man is to be filled with righteousness, faith, love, gentleness, godliness, and steadfastness. To be a man is to bear the ripe fruits of joy, charity, peace, patience, generosity and goodness. It is to be a provider for the people. To both love and be love. Be an example, a beacon of light that even you would follow and look up to. To be a man is to not just think of just yourself but see yourself as an entire generation representing the most high. It is to be a reflection of your morals and values. To be a man is to not hate on the next man, don't be bitter, don't be arrogant nor cocky but rather humble and posses unwavering confidence and security within yourself, it's being able to turn a pile of crumble to a kingdom and surrounding yourself with all things that keep this kingdom stable. You see to be a King, be one worthy of respecting; not out of fear but to be so intube with who you are, through your heart mind ans spirit, the world will naturally fear you anyway because they know you are a King equally blesses and destroys."

"That's for girls, men shouldn't do this" - are you really not a man for taking care of yourself? Are you really not a man for wanting to look and feel good on all aspects? Are you not a man if you want to educate yourself and your mind? Are you not a man if you are a believer in something much higher than yourself? Are you not a man if you have dreams and passions?

"My Kings..stand the hell up and get your head out of the garbage. If you were a peasant you would have been a peasant how on earth are you letting a simple mustard seed have more value then yourself. If you don't go and clean your ass up right this second. Go do that skincare. Go shave if wanted. Go wash your hair and clean your house. Go learn how to cook some good meals instead of eating that nasty take out all day. Go brush your teeth and learn how to handle your money right. Pick up a new skill like sewing or study a new genre of music. Make yourself useful and read a book; knowledge is powerful use it wisely. Go pray or even start Journaling a Wise king is a peace of mind king. Regardless of what you do, let it be something great. Pick up that passion that you dropped years ago. Go play outside or even meditate. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It is ok to want to communicate your feelings. You want to cry Go cry, let it all out don't let the world make you feel like you aren't worth shit just because you cried. Crying and being emotional does not make u weak or any less of a man, but you have to be willing to pick yourself back up start from square one if needed and get back on your feet and try again. Don't let this world make you give up. If someone hurts you, especially if it's a woman it's OK to communicate that and if she can't respect your feelings just as you have respected hers then LEAVE. Surround yourself with people who have a mind of abundance and prosperity, who are willing to see beyond what's in front of them and take in the bigger picture. Don't be a yes man, be honest; if you know something isn't right walk away from it if it cannot be rerouted. Dotn worry about what someone else can bring to the table YOU BE THE TABLE AND THE CHAIRS and if those people arent qualified or ready to sit there then they are not meant to be there."

I'll close out with this..

"You don't have to be loud to be heard, you don't have to be flashy to be seen. You don't have to be the strongest in the room to be the strongest man there is. Be calculated, be intentional. Educate yourself, a King with knowledge is a King with power..use it wisely. Be wise in your actions and smart in your words. Be patient and gentle but don't ever let anyone walk all over you. Listen to your heart and take action with your mind. Let your heart guide you and let your soul speak through you. Everything you touch shall turn to gold, may every seed you plant be fruitful. Don't control the world for the world is only looking to be controlled to. Instead control yourself, everything else will fall in its place. Be a loving King, for a king who loves will conquer all the weapons formed against him. May no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil. Treat your queen as if she is more precious than rubies and silky white pearls. A queen will always follow her king, only if her king is worthy of being followed. See beyond the materialism young king, some of the riches things in life and in yourself, are simply treasures no money can buy. You my king are divine. Be worthy, so much so not even the richest can compare to you and the only one worth buying you is God himself."

[thecosmicangel]

Message of the Day🍂🔮

September 2, 2023

You are in need of divine inspiration or a creative spark. Some of you are just in need of some healing to bring in divine spark back into yourself. You are going through a period of insights and regeneration. Today you are being asked to find your own divine creative spark of inspiration. Try to be creative or new creative outlets. You are being assured the success of your creative attempts all you need to do is believe and start. Stop criticizing yourself as it lowers your self-worth and keeps you in an illusion that you need to improve in order to be worthy of success, fulfillment and happiness. Be more compassionate towards yourself and accept all parts of who you are the negative and the positive. Love & accept your self as you are and stop striving for something that you know is not you. Remember that through love your life magically transform. In order to be true with others you first need to be true to yourself. Follow and listen to your heart. Express what is in your heart as hidden blessings may come from doing so. By speaking your truth you will be relieved. Have the courage to be yourself and be honest. Today some secret information may be revealed to you, you may be shocked or disturbed by it, take time with it before reacting or spreading around information.

You are being asked to remember “it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey”. You need to learn the joy of anticipation. Through practicing patience, the more you allow the universe to bring you experiences and situations your soul requires. Learn that there is a rhythm to everything in the universe, the more patience you practice the more aware you are of the lessons your souls is studying. As you go on your path, there will be signpost but if you are speeding through, you will miss the little miracles and treasures that have been placed along your path.

[vampirae]

12 house synastry , he’s a Virgo Venus and mercury and I have Virgo rising in my 12 house and north node in Virgo . Will he or I feel it more ?

It will be felt by both of you, because of your North Node in Virgo. Both of you can feel some fascination and sense of being fated (not in a romantic way). Some people are meant to be in our lives, particularly those who have placements in our cardinal houses or touch our North Node. Their presence is essential to learn something new about us or guide us. This person may try to teach you by their behaviour (good or bad) to focus more on yourself, elevating your self-esteem or just encouraging you to follow your own path and beliefs. Obviously from their point of view they're may be some romanticism, or finding you a beautiful individual, with virgo being the focal sign, they're some servitude, like they try to help you, do essential stuff for you, but also criticism, paranoia and harsh judgement may be involved. To better understand a situation, I'd suggest to analyze the person but also to get to know them, analysis without data it's useless. So don't refrain yourself from experiences, or just "living" the person. Anxiety and worries may stop you from experiences, but find the courage to overcome this natural inclination. Also, don't get too attached to routines you created with a person, or past memories, also avoid getting too emotionally involved with someone without seeing them from an objective point of view. In my experiences, Virgo risings tend to be romantics at heart, ordered, rational except love and relationships, they tend to idealize and have a saviour complex. Before getting into a "committed" relationship, try to see the person for who he/she is, and if you sincerely could sign up for all the troubles they can involve you in.

[junjunsart]

This is a rant on my current feelings about something that's happening irl just fyi

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Honestly don't know why I'm so upset that we can't go back to the way things used to be I should be over it but ig not...

Here comes another crying session

Yippee for me🤩

Ig it really is bad to look at the past when it hurts to know how much things have changed... I get so sick anytime I think about it... It's not good for me.... Your not good for me... Your really not.... But I can't say that or else you'll find a way to criticize what I say about you

Or you'll get mad for "not telling you sooner"... Sorry I over think but I can't do that can I...? Idk why I'm crying over someone who obviously has hidden motives... I mean... I've only known you for a year... And yet I already feel like a shit person because of what I think is right and wrong.... I mean hell I try to act like your friend even after everything that happened and I mention one wrong thing and then you stop talking to me get mad at me for stupid reasons that aren't related and then think you know everything about me... You don't... You really don't... And hey maybe now you believe me when I say I'm not a good person... You really should've fucking listened

But hey it's fine right? Anything I say you won't ever hear unless you see this

Even then you probably will get mad and pissed off for me venting and not telling you

But how am I supposed to do that? Really how?

You know how you said you were scared of someone spreading rumors about you to the friend group?

Guess what

I'm scared of you doing that too me

Got a problem with it?

Fine by me

Fuck I can't believe I started crying over our old messages I mean why would I cry for someone who I believe doesn't fully fucking care

I don't know why I still care about you I don't know why I cared at all

My biggest regret is dating you... Maybe if we didn't date none of this would've happened maybe I should've kept my mouth shut and just treated you like a friend...

I should've done exactly that but... I was willing to fully feel something I hadn't felt before but... It never worked out..

I dreamt of us together so much too but... I guess I was giving myself false hope... I just... I can't do it anymore...

I can't pretend that I'm ok being near you when we have such a big fight like this... I can't... It's giving me anxiety and inner Turmoil..... I... I just fucking can't do it anymore...

I can't be around anyone anymore... I just.... I can't having the fear that you might say something... I probably won't talk to anyone next year... I'll be distant.... Very distant... I just... I can't mentally do this rodeo anymore... I'm tired and I'm fucking exhausted

It's so bad that I'm afraid of talking to C and W.... If I tell them something will they tell you? Or tell me what you told them? I don't know anymore.....

I'm so done with feeling like this.... I don't think I'll ever come back to the friend group after this.... But it's fine... The internet is my safe space.... So is my room and the walls of my home.... Away from anything and anyone...

Maybe one day I'll find the courage to reach out again but I can't anymore... Not when every time we have a fight I get this feeling of dread in my stomach letting it pool into it like it's being filled with it until I make myself physically sick from it... I hate feeling so much fear in my own body that I can't function like normal... Guess I'm afraid of you.... If you wanted that good job... You fucking achieved something even my dad hasn't gotten too....

I guess this is my last good bye to you... Maybe.... I'll probably forget about my feelings by tomorrow as a self defense mechanism but.... Well see...

[nihcas09]

Thank You

"I want to be free,".

"I want to be independent. I don't want my parents telling me what to do."

I pen these words with conviction as if they will make everything better. As if they will set me free from the chains that bind me. But I know they won't. My parents are too controlling for that.

"They think they know what's best for me," I write later that night. "But they don't. They never have."

I am angry now, frustrated with the way my life has turned out. I don’t want to be living with my parents at age 22. I want to be on my own, free to do whatever I want. But that's not going to happen.

I fall asleep angry and resentful, dreaming of a boy’s life where he is in control. A life where he is free from the restraints of his parents.

"But they don't know anything."

It's painful to realize that the people who are supposed to love and support you the most can be the ones who make your life the hardest. For years, I struggled under the weight of my controlling and dominating parents.

They always had an opinion about what I should do and how I should do it. They never hesitated to compare me to others, always pointing out what I was doing wrong. They didn't allow me to make my own decisions, instead constantly telling me what was best for me.

This went on for years, and it took its toll. I grew up feeling suffocated and stressed, always afraid of making a mistake. I wanted nothing more than to be free to be myself, but they never let me go.

It's difficult to grow up feeling like you can never make your parents happy. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells, constantly trying to be the perfect son so that they would stop yelling and punishing me.

I wanted to be free, but they always managed to find new ways to control me. Every decision I made was scrutinized and criticized. If I didn't do what they wanted, they would withhold love and support. I was so tired of it all.

It's heartbreaking to read that this 22-year-old son has had to detach himself emotionally from his parents, but it's a powerful act of self-care. He recognizes that, even though it may kill him inside, he deserves to be happy and free. And he thanks them for all they've done for him, even though it's come at such a high cost.

It's strange, but even when I had everything at the best of my life, it never felt like it was mine. I always felt like I was living in someone else's world, doing what they wanted me to do, instead of what I wanted. It was so suffocating, and I spent years feeling like a caged animal.

I know it might sound crazy, but even though I had everything I wanted, I felt like a robot running to complete the mission assigned by the owner. I was so stressed out all the time, and it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted freedom—freedom to be myself and do what I wanted. And that's what led me to write this letter.

Freedom to me is being able to make your own decisions and mistakes without the fear of judgment and criticism. It's being able to explore the world without having to answer questions every step of the way. It's also having the courage to take risks, even if that means making mistakes because it is then that we truly learn.

It is about having faith in oneself for who you are and for whom you can become if given the space and opportunities to do so. It is not about having perfect choices or answers but learning from our experiences and growing from that instead.

It’s about living life with a purpose and passion, knowing that whatever path I choose will be for the betterment of myself and those around me. It’s about loving yourself enough to take a leap of faith, trusting in yourself that whatever outcome will bring you closer to your goals in life.

Saying thank you to my parents for all that they have done for me is incredibly important, not only to show them respect and appreciation but also to signal to myself that I'm not just cutting ties with them. After all, every relationship is a learning experience, and I want to honor the lessons they've taught me.

It's also important to remember that my parents did their best with what they had. Sure, they may have been controlling and overbearing at times, but those were choices made out of love rather than malice. They wanted the best for me and I want to acknowledge that in this letter.

By saying thank you in these words, I'm also empowering myself and setting myself free from the control and domination of my parents. It may seem like a small gesture but it's a huge step towards reclaiming my identity and reclaiming my freedom—something I've always wanted but never had.

Growing up with parents who always felt the need to dictate my life, I had to learn how to come to terms with their controlling and dominating nature. Even though this was a difficult situation for me, I also knew that there were things that made them behave this way.

For example, parents are usually protective of their children as they have certain expectations from them and have provided them with all the support and comfort. It could be hard for them to let go and give their children the freedom they need to grow.

I understand that it must have been tough for my parents during all these years, but understanding them doesn’t mean that I should accept their controlling behavior. That’s why after understanding the reasons behind my struggle under my parents’ rule, I finally decided it was time for me to break free.

It was hard, to let go. All these years I had been under their thumb, and suddenly I was on my own. But it was worth it. The freedom I found was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I was finally able to be myself.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for all you have done for me. I know it wasn't always easy, but I appreciate it. I may not have always shown it, but I know I am grateful. This is the last letter I will write to you, but I hope it won't be the last time I say hello.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Dear Mom and Dad, my heart is heavy and words are difficult to express how I feel right now as I write this letter. As I prepare to leave this country and embark on an adventure of my own, I want to thank you for all these years and all that you have done for me.

You have provided me with a great and comfortable life, but what I have been missing all this time is the freedom to make my own decisions, to live my life the way I want to, and to make mistakes and learn from them.

Yes, you have always been there to guide me, and I am thankful for that, but I am afraid that your guidance came with a lot of controlling and dominating attitude which made it hard for me to live a stress-free life.

I wanted to make my own choices, explore new things, meet new people, and be creative and innovative. I wanted to push my boundaries and challenge myself, but I was always scared that I might make a wrong decision or do something that I would not approve of.

I wanted to fail and learn from my mistakes, but instead, I was made to believe that failure was not an option. I wanted to express my thoughts and feelings, but I was always told that I was being too rebellious. I wanted to break free from these chains that you have put around me, and I'm sorry if I was not able.

With love,

Nihcas

[plutosunshine]

The 8th house in signs

The 8th house is everything about what we hide and don’t want others to see. It is our insecure place, fears, doubts, and deep wounds. The sign on the cusp of the 8th house can show what we are vulnerable about and what sides of ourselves are the most insecure.

8th house in Aries/Mars in the 8th house

You are insecure about your ability to achieve goals in an assertive way. You may be even irritated by people who are very confident and go-getter. That’s because it is difficult for you to show this part of yourself to others or stabilize it. Your self-confidence may be very unstable. One time you may be too passive and the other time too active. You are very powerful, but sometimes your power may be out of control. You may be afraid of hurting people. You may have wounds in regards to men, sex, and aggression. You put a lot of energy into researching your deep wounds.

8th house in Taurus/Venus in the 8th house

It may be difficult for you to show affection freely because it is deeper for you than others may think. You explore love on a very deep and emotional level. You may be afraid of showing your soft and sensual side to others. Sometimes it is not easy for you to accept changes. Your stubbornness may stop you from healing deep wounds. Taurus opposites Scorpio, so there is imbalance. However, once you step on the right path of healing, you are unstoppable.

8th house in Gemini/Mercury in the 8th house

The 8th house deepens unusual and unique thoughts and conceptions of Gemini. You may have great impact on others with your words. You heal others through conversations and communication. You get wonderful ideas out of nowhere while in conversation and it is amazing even for you because you have never thought about it before. Sometimes you don’t see things, but you understand them while communicating with others.

8th house in Cancer/Moon in the 8th house

You are insecure about your vulnerable and sensitive side. You don’t want others to know that you are actually very emotional, compassionate, and kind. You are afraid of being used because you are the one who can’t say no. You have so many emotions, doubts, and fears, but you don’t want to share that with others. You don’t want to appear as weak or moody.

8th house in Leo/Sun in the 8th house

Open self-expression may have been not so easy for you. You know that you are talented, charismatic, and bright, but maybe it is difficult for you to show that to others. You feel too exposed when you express yourself to the fullest. You put a lot of energy into being yourself and showing that to others. Your self-expression may have been transformed a lot. You have ego wounds. You feel like people underestimate you.

8th house in Virgo/Mercury/Chiron in the 8th house

You may have anxiety disorders. You want to control everything. When something goes wrong, you are in a panic. It is difficult for you to let go of things. Your wounds have shaped your character and you don’t see yourself without them. You dig deep into your painful traumas and try to organize everything there. You want to reach clarity in regards to your wounds. You analyze them and logically find solutions.

8th house in Libra/Venus in the 8th house

You may be afraid of being in a relationship and showing your artistic talents to others. You may be the one who draws like a god, but nobody knows about it. Maybe something wounded you in past and it is difficult for you to show your creative side and talents. It may be also femininity and showing affection too. Committed relationships may scare you. You are afraid of being dependent on someone. You just don’t want to loose yourself in a relationship.

8th house in Scorpio/Pluto in the 8th house

You are a detective! And nobody knows about it. You see and feel everything, you are so intuitive and insightful, but others don’t know that about you. You are secretive about your intentions and don’t discover your true thoughts. Exploring of painful traumas, wounds, and dark sides is a very important part of your life. You dig deep into your soul and heal it. You are a great healer for others too. There is a fear of close emotional bond and intimacy. This topic is extremely interesting for you, but it takes time to explore it.

8th house in Sagittarius/Jupiter in the 8th house

You philosophically explore yourself. You try to understand all the points of view and be open-minded. You face your deep wounds with courage and bravery. You just fight with it. You may be afraid of your spontaneous side because the 8th house is all about control and secrecy, but Sagittarius is all about openness and freedom. When they meet, it is a little bit imbalanced energy. You want to be direct and straightforward with your fears, but sometimes it is too difficult. You blame yourself for that and this makes you feel upset.

8th house in Capricorn/Saturn in the 8th house

Double control energy! You want to control everything in your life. It is difficult for you to take some things easily. You have insecurity about yourself as an authoritative figure. You want others to respect you, but sometimes that desire is out of control. You dig deep into your wounds and find a structured way to deal with them. If you decide to overcome your fears, you definitely will do that.

8th house in Aquarius/Uranus in the 8th house

You have insecurity about your uniqueness and creativity. You may think that all you do is trash. You feel that you can create things uniquely, but when you do, you feel guilt and vulnerability. You always fight with your fears of being just normal and nothing special. You doubt your creative abilities so much! I know it is difficult to overcome this insecurity, but you should know that you are unique and nothing is embarrassing or weird about it! Teach yourself to be your authentic self and not feeling guilt.

8th house in Pisces/Neptune in the 8th house

You have insecurity about your dreams, creativity, and insight. You are sensitive, kind, compassionate, and soft, but sometimes you are afraid of showing this side of you. Because you feel like others may use you. You are so helpful and can't say no. You have unique dreams, but you don’t talk about them to others because you think that can make you vulnerable. You also are afraid of showing your creative side to others because you think that the world is too critical and harsh.

[shy-indulgent-writer]

Lambert x GN!Reader - "It's always been you"

i’m back!! so much has been going on medical wise that i don’t even know where to begin… anyways, this one was a toughy! ^^;

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It starts with an argument, because of course it does, you’re dating Lambert after all

Lambert is hard to love— it’s so easy to feel the love for him, but it’s so difficult to express it in a way he’ll allow himself to receive

He starts petty squabbles over the smallest things— as though trying to push you away with surface level disagreements now rather than something personal later on

You get it, he’s been hurt before and this is his way of protecting himself, but that doesn’t mean you’re not being hurt too

It’s just been a long day, so when he makes a scathing remark over something small, you decide you’ve had enough

“Fucking… Lambert! I get it, you don’t want me here! I’ll just fucking leave and just…” You look at him with tears in your eyes, your hands clenched into fists at your sides. “You’d be happier without me. Fuck! I doubt you’d even mourn for me if I died!”

You clench your jaw as tears start falling down your face and you look away from him, not wanting him to see you in this moment of weakness

The cold wind bites against your skin, even more so when it hits the tear tracks on your cheeks

Your body trembles with unexpressed rage and sadness, like a leaf in the wind as you wait for his response

“Wait… angel,” his voice cracks as he says your nickname, sounding uncharacteristically weak, “you think I wouldn’t mourn for you? You think I don’t want you here?”

You look back at him and give a small smile, one that both of you know is empty and untrue

“You just…” You sniffle and start shifting from one foot to the next, anxious at the fact you’re finally having this conversation. “You keep trying to push me away and it just feels like I’m more of a burden than anything else. I love you, but I’m so tired Lambert…”

He takes a step closer to you, arm outstretched, but he falters and doesn’t move any closer

When you see this, you summon up the courage to keep talking— if you ruin the relationship now, you might as well let everything out so that you don’t have regrets

“I’m tired of needing to walk on eggshells to avoid your criticism. I want us to be happy, but it can’t just be me putting in most of the emotional work— this is a relationship, it’s between the two of us. And you say that you love me, but it’s so hard to believe it sometimes.”

You’re shaking even more now, simultaneously full of self-loathing and feeling proud of yourself

His heart practically breaks as he hears your confession, a physical ache manifesting in his chest

He doesn’t know what to say; he’s aware that he’s treated you like shit, but it doesn’t hurt any less to hear about it

“I’m— I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel like…” Lambert stops, at a loss for words

“Yeah, well,” you sniffle, “you did.”

There’s a stretch of silence, and neither of you do anything to end it

Lambert feels conflicted; on one hand he doesn’t want to lose you, he wants you to know how much he loves you, how much you mean to him… on the other he’s a bit relieved at the fact that this may be the end; if he loses you that’s one less weakness, one less person he could possibly hurt or leave behind

You sigh and walk away, grabbing your pack and quickly hoisting yourself up onto your horse

“I guess this goodbye then, Lambert.”

Oh, he hates this, he can feel the familiar burn behind his eyes, and he hates the fact that you can even elicit such a response from him

He feels like he should say one final thing; something to make sure that you don’t come back, something that hurts you so deeply that you’ll despise him

But he can’t find it in himself to do it, and he continues to quietly stand still as he watches you ride away

It hurts, to not be deemed as worth fighting over— it hurts that he didn’t refute anything you said, that he didn’t put up an argument, or ask you to stay

It’s unlike him. He’s usually so fierce and passionate and sure of what he wants, but he was uncharacteristically hesitant

You can’t help but to worry about him…

It’s been a few months since you’ve last seen each other; your splitting up happening right before winter, meaning that none of you could contact each other even if you wanted to

It’s been rough

Lambert had been more snappy and mopey, so much so that his brothers had to comfort him, rather than bullying him for being such an ass

You managed to find a job at a tavern in a small town— it doesn’t pay much, but the people here are nice enough and the tavern owner’s wife, Marilka, offered you a room to live in

Life in town is different than traveling with Lambert on the path; it's so simple, normal... it's what you would've enjoyed had you not met him, but now that you have a taste of adventure, it's just unsatisfying

Even if you did go back onto the road though, you don't have as many supplies as you would need, and you don't have all the experience that he does

You know some basic survival and camping skills, a decent amount of first aid, a little bit of alchemy from watching him, and some knowledge on monsters, but other than that you don't have much else to offer

"You know." Marilka sighs, as she sees you turn towards the door for the umpteenth time that night, "You should find him. I know most people here in Blaviken aren't kind to witchers, but I know they have the capacity to be kind and loving. What's-his-face ultimately hurt you, but he truly made you happy."

"His name is Lambert, and I don't know if he'd want me back." You fill up a tankard with ale and serve it to a man at the counter, wiping your hands on your apron before turning to Marilka. "Besides, it's hard to travel alone; much less trying to find him on the path."

"Well, lucky for you I heard of a monster contract down in Luton, there's rumors that they're looking for a witcher to take care of the problem. Worst case scenario you'll meet a non-wolf witcher."

"But," you cast an inquisitive glance Marilka's way, "that would require leaving Blaviken."

"Pah!" She waves a hand, dismissing your worries. "At least one of us will get out of this hell-hole. Go on then, go back to your room and start packing! I'll give you some food and your week's pay on your way out."

There's not much in your room for you to pack; you had always hoped Lambert would come back

You imagined he'd say something along the lines of "I finally found you" and he'd tease you for taking so long to pack, you practically bouncing around like an excited pup at the thought of traveling with him again

Though this isn't the case, you can't help but feel a bit excited at the prospect of seeing him again

You've missed him, and even if you don't have a romantic relationship anymore, he's someone you hold dear in your heart

Marilka bids you goodbye with a sad smile and a wave, having given you a generous amount of food for the road

If you don't find Lambert you'll definitely come back to her and work at the tavern again

If you do find him, you'll be sure to visit her when Lambert goes away for the winter

Either way, Marilka has proven herself to be a trustworthy friend

Before heading out, you put on one of the jackets Lambert had lent to you, hoping it would prove as a symbol for good luck in trying to find him

You set off to Luton, your trusty horse's pace unfaltering

Luton is a small port city south of Blaviken, a small population, but one important to trade— not that you had ever been before, but taking in the sights and strong smell of the sea, it's not difficult to infer

After renting a room at a shabby inn and giving your horse to the stableboy, you go to a tavern for information, hoping the gossip of a certain wolf witcher reaches your ears

The Port Crevice, a tavern well in the middle of town, bound to be popular at this time of night was eerily quiet— as you walk towards the establishment, there's no yelling or sounds of laughter, you can't even hear the bustle and chatter of people inside

You tentatively push the wooden door open, surprised to see only one customer sitting at the bar

A witcher, judging by the two swords on their back, smelling a bit of blood with boots covered in grime

He turns to you as soon as he smells you, an astonished tone to his voice as he takes you in. "You're Lambert's companion..." He points a finger at you, face unreadable

You take note of the wolf medallion around his neck and the telltale scars on his face

"And you must be Eskel."

Your eyes skim over his features, and you force your heartbeat to maintain a steady pace, your gaze never lingering in one place for too long

As Lambert had once mentioned, despite all appearances, Eskel is much more reserved than he is; a bit insecure and quick to mediate rather than start conflict— practically the exact opposite of him

"So." He puts his finger down, gesturing for you to take a seat next to him at the bar. "What did Lambert do?"

Your eyebrows raise in surprise

"How are you so sure that I didn't do something?

He chuckles, taking a sip of the weak ale the scared bartender had given him. "We're talking about Lambert, aren't we?"

You sigh with relief, thankful that his brother doesn't seem upset with you and is willing to talk

Waving down the wary bartender for a drink, you begin talking about Lambert: how you met, how you ended up falling for him, your communication problems, etc.

Eskel doesn't talk much, he's more of a listener, but he gives occasional grunts or irritated sighs when he hears about Lamberts shenanigans

"Lambert misses you too." He says, worriedly looking at you as you continue drinking from your refilled tankard. "You know why he didn't chase after you, right?"

You huff, feeling a fresh ache in your chest as you remember what it was like to leave.

"He doesn't believe he deserves nice things sometimes, and he lets good things escape from his grasp because he thinks it inevitables that things were meant to go this way— that it's better for us to get hurt like this rather than because of something innately wrong." You start to sigh again, only for it to turn into a drunken hiccup.

Eskel laughs, his eyes soft as he watches you

"You're good for him." He pats you on the shoulder. "He's such a pain in the ass without you. I'll bring you to him so that he can finally get his head out of there."

You laugh and thank Eskel for his kindness to which he replies: "I'm doing this on behalf of myself and all the other wolves. Wintering with him was ten times more annoying than usual."

You agree to begin traveling with him after you’ve both finished replenishing your supplies

Getting to Kaer Morhen will be a difficult journey, but you're glad to spend some time getting to know the other witcher

Eskel is sweet, soft-spoken, but incredibly intelligent and emotionally-intelligent, though that doesn't mean he'll choose feelings over logic

It feels a bit rude to do so, but you can't help but to compare him to Lambert at times

You get to know him quite well in the following months— of course you have, you're traveling across the continent together!

Despite how sweet Eskel is, and how sometimes you wish Lambert had some of these qualities, you miss him so much

"You know," Eskel passes you the cooked leg of a rabbit he caught, "You speak so highly of Lambert. Would be enough to make any man jealous."

"Well, yes... despite everything, I still love him. It's been nearly a year, but I still think of him everyday." You look up towards the stars while letting the meat cool down. "When I go to the market, I think about what he would like and what he would complain about. When in bed I hug a pillow, but it's never as warm as he was. When I wake up, I keep wishing it would be to him tracing patterns on my skin. I just…" You stop, at a loss for words before you heave a disappointed sigh

"I swear, if he doesn't treasure you this time around, I'm taking you for myself."

You look back at Eskel and laugh. "You're so funny Eskel. Thank you though."

"It wasn't a joke," Eskel mumbles, though you don't hear him as the crackling of the fire drowns his voice out

A few more weeks pass and it's autumn, the breeze accompanying the change of seasons causing you to catch ill

Delirious with fever and clutching the inn's bedsheets close to your chest, you feel tears begin to roll down your face

"Hey, hey— it's going to be okay." Eskel's large hand holds your clammy one, allowing you to squeeze it for comfort

"Why isn't he here?" Your voice is raspy from the constant wheezing and coughing you've been doing the past few days. "It's stupid, but I wish he was here... I wish I was good enough for him."

"It's okay, I'll be sure to clobber him good for not being here. And you are good enough, you're more than enough." Eskel squeezes your hand once more before you pass out.

After your fever breaks, Eskel has become a bit more protective of you

He won't allow you to get anywhere close to fights and he's giving you more food, despite the fact that he needs to replenish his energy more than you do

"It won't do any good to have Lambert seeing you all worn." He claps his hand on your shoulder. "I don't want him to kill me if you don't look healthy."

You scoff

"I already know you care for me Eskel, you're just a big sweet heart."

He hums in response, not doing anything to continue the conversation

As you continue traveling he finds himself caring a bit too much, so he tries his best to stifle his growing feelings

You're almost at Kaer Morhen now

The chill has set in and the first snow has already started and despite Eskel's spare cloak around you your teeth clatter as you continue on The Killer

"We should be able to make it before nightfall if we continue," Eskel shouts, straining his voice above the roaring winds. "Stay close!"

Your horse neighs in disapproval as you urge them to move faster, but you both stick close to Eskel and Scorpion, trusting them to lead you to safety

Though you would like to relish in the beautiful views of the fortress built into the mountainside, you would prefer being inside and warm, your horses racing to across the bridge and into the gates once in sight

Eskel ushers you to go inside before him, saying that you need to stay warm and that he'll need to set up the stables for your horses

You're a bit hesitant to leave his side, but you walk into the main hall regardless, audibly sighing as you feel the warmth of the fire

You feel the wary stares of the witchers on you and before you can introduce yourself, the man Lambert described as Vesemir pats you on the shoulder

"I never thought Eskel would find a mate on the path."

"Wait that's not—"

As Eskel walks into the room, the other witchers begin cheering and lifting their tankards in a toast to him, much to his confusion

"Congrats on finding a mate, Eskel! They don't even have horns!"

You don't know who said that, but the hall reverberates with the sound of jeers and laughter

Eskel quickly walks to your side, an inquisitive look on his face as he looks at your panicked one

Once again, before you could explain, you see a familiar flash of red hair entering the room

"What's all this noise about? Eskel found someone who would tolerate him?" That snarky voice is all too familiar and your heart practically races out of your chest when your eyes meet. "What the—"

Lambert's eyes travel from you to Eskel, a growl escaping his throat as he lunges for the other

Eskel casts aard, effectively throwing Lambert back

They continue fighting and the rest of the wolves look tense, ready to intervene or join if needed

"Wait, Lambert!" You try to catch his attention. "I'm not with Eskel."

"Shut up!" The ginger yells, upset when he can't manage to hit the other. "Good for you! Be happy with this asshole, I never cared for you anyways!"

Lambert turns just in time to see the first few tears fall from your face before he's sent flying with the force of Eskel's punch

Eskel clambers on top of him and grabs his collar, gritting his teeth all the while.

"What the fuck do you—"

The older headbutts him, and you wince in sympathy for both of them as the hit was loud enough to echo

"Listen to them." Eskel's voice sounds calm despite his obvious anger. "They travelled all the way over here for your selfish ass and almost died along the way, so you're going to sit and listen to them otherwise I'm taking them for myself."

Eskel lets go of Lambert's collar and let's his head thud against the ground before he gestures for everyone to leave the room, giving you a nod as he exits last

There's finally silence in the hall and you begin making your way over to the other who lays still in the center of the room

"Lambert..."

He’s clearly dazed as he finally looks at you, as he takes all of you in

"You... almost died?" His voice is but a broken whisper as you kneel next to him and he takes your hand in his

"It wasn't that dramatic." You try to laugh it off, though you can't help but to remember how lonely you had felt; how upset you were that you were possibly going to. die without getting to see him again

Lambert smells your distress and his heart breaks as he takes in the obvious sorrow on your face

"C'mere." He pulls you on top of him, wrapping his arms around you as he nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck

"I missed you,” you cry, your tears falling down your face and onto his as you commit the warmth of his arms around you to memory. "I missed you so much."

"I'm sorry," he whispers, hugging you tighter. "I didn't mean what I said. I was just—"

"Hurt. I know." You sniffle, lip wobbling as you try not to take his words from earlier to heart. "I know you were hurt, but Lambert you hurt me. Again."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." You brush the reddened area of his forehead with your thumb. "I should've stayed with you. I shouldn't have left."

"No, I shouldn't have let you leave. I should have chased after you."

You realize he's begun to cry too when you feel your neck getting wet with his tears

"I'm sorry, angel. I shouldn't have assumed— I shouldn't have lashed out and... I just... I'm scared." His voice breaks and your body limply lays on top of his, his arms losing strength and falling to the ground as he cries. "I've never loved someone the way I love you. I'm just so scared I'm gonna fuck it up. That I'll seriously hurt you, and that I'll have to live with that guilt forever. I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you and..."

He whimpers and you lean down to press your lips onto his

The kiss tastes of salt and neither of you stop crying as your lips meet again and again, confirming that the other is truly there

"Stop pushing me away, Lambert. It's always been you, and it's always going to be you. We can worry about the future if that ever happens, but Melitele above, Lambert, the fact that you're scared just shows that you care." You press your forehead against his. "I want to be with you, and that's what matters."

He chuckles wetly. "I want to be with you too."

You sniffle before you lean down to kiss him again

You both lay on the floor for a few moments longer before you roll off of him, giggling as you do so

"Come on then." You brush off any dirt from Eskel's cloak before extending your arm to him, smiling when his hand fits in yours like puzzle pieces reconciling.

"Can't believe I've gotta apologize to that bastard."

"Eskel?"

"Yeah, who else?"

You roll your eyes and jab his side, both of you laughing.

"Before we see him though..." Lambert pulls Eskel's cloak off of you before possessively snaking his arm around your waist

"But I'm cold!"

"Well, good thing I know some ways we can warm up."

You scoff as you fight the blush threatening to come onto your face

"Lambert, as much as that sounds great, we need to talk things out at some point; set boundaries, be more communicative—"

He squeezes your side and pulls you flush against him

"I know..." He sighs, but you can tell it's not an upset one. "It'll be worth it if it means it makes you smile though— I've missed it."

"And I've missed you."

As you exit the hall, lips thoroughly kissed and Eskel's cloak held in Lambert's hand, no further communication is needed as the other witchers were quick to pick up on the situation

"Well then Eskel," Lambert pushes the cloak to his brother's chest, a vaguely threatening glint in his eye, "looks like we've got a lot to catch up on."

Tagging: @blushingskywalker :D

[beautiful-and-terrible]

little things

Rating: Gen

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, SoftBoi!Rodrick, Insecure!Reader

Ship: Rodrick Heffley x Reader

Warnings: Body Image, Eating Disorders / Body Dysmorphia, Insecurity 

A/N: this is. SO shmoopy and cheesy lmaoooo but this was an anon request and i live to please :) enjoy!

---

You dragged yourself through your front door, kicking off your shoes in the foyer. The house was dark - your parents were probably asleep already.

You had just spent the day with Rodrick at Six Flags, and you were exhausted from spending all day in the hot sun, running around with your boyfriend like children. You smiled to yourself thinking about the events of the day, the thrill of the rollercoasters you went on.

You clutched the teddy bear Rodrick had won you close to your chest as you slowly ascended the stairs, trying not to make too much noise.

You entered your room and tenderly placed the bear on the bed, giving it a little kiss on the head as you did so before starting your night routine. Change into pajamas, brush teeth, wash face. As you were putting on your final face cream, your phone vibrated on the bathroom counter. You knew who it was from the specific rhythm of the vibration - two short bursts, like a heartbeat.

Rodrick had sent pictures of you two from today - a lot of selfies, but also a couple of far away shots that Rodrick had harassed people into taking for you. People rarely were able to say no to Rodrick once he had gotten an idea into his head - even if that idea was wrapping himself around a street lamp like a stripper for a good picture.

You finally, blissfully laid down in bed, letting out a giant groan as you cracked your back. You browsed the photos, feeling your heart-rate pick up as you gazed at Rodrick in the pictures. He looked so cute today - he had been wearing cut off black jeans, black high-top vans, and a loose button down Hawaiian shirt, half-way unbuttoned to show off his tanned chest and the multiple layers of silver necklaces he was wearing. His nails were painted black, but his eyes were free of makeup, simply accented by his naturally long eye-lashes and the smile-lines around his eyes.

After admiring Rodrick, you turned your gaze to yourself in the pictures. You felt your heart sink into your stomach. When you had left the house this morning, you had felt pretty confident in your outfit - just ripped jean shorts and a crop-top with converse. But as you looked closer, you couldn’t stop thinking about how unsatisfied you felt with the way you looked in the pictures.

As you continued to scroll through, the more faults you found in your appearance. Your thighs being squeezed by your shorts, which didn’t feel too tight but apparently were not as flattering as you thought. In one picture, you were sitting down on a bench, your legs over Rodrick’s lap, but you couldn’t stop staring at the roll of your stomach that came over the waistband of your shorts. You felt tears pricking your eyes, but you stubbornly refused to cry. You spent a long time trying to feel confident in yourself - you weren’t going to let that hard work be ruined by a few unflattering photos.

However, you couldn’t stop thinking about the way your body looked in those pictures. You got up to stand in front of your full length mirror, looking at the reflection critically. You were craning your neck to look at your butt when you heard a soft tap-tap-tap at the window. You jumped about 2 feet in the air before you realized it was just Rodrick, grinning from outside the window and placing a wet kiss on the glass, making you laugh. He made a grossed-out expression when he realized the glass was not as clean as he thought it was, wiping his tongue on the back of his hand.

“I swear to God, you’re like a toddler. Didn’t your mom ever tell you not to lick random surfaces?” you asked as you opened the window to let him in. He folded himself gracefully through the window, all long limbs and messy hair. You felt both comforted and electrified in his presence.

“Since when have I ever listened to any authority figure?” Rodrick asked, grinning wolfishly and leaning down to kiss you softly, juxtaposing his rebellious tone. For someone with such a seemingly hard exterior, Rodrick was always very gentle and sweet with you. It was one of the things you loved most about him - he seemed to hate everyone but you. It made you feel special and appreciated. 

As he pulled back from the kiss, he frowned, stroking his thumb over your cheek. “Have you been crying? Your eyes are red,” he said, making a pouty face. You shrugged, turning away and shaking your head.

“No, just allergies probably.”

Rodrick scoffed, “Sure, allergies. You’re a bad liar, you know that?”

You refused to look at him, instead going to your record player and flipping through the vinyls you had stacked in a black milk-crate. “I’m not a bad liar,” you said half-heartedly, not really able to come up with any other excuse.

“You totally are, you avoided eye contact and everything. Seriously, what's wrong? Do you not like the bear?” Rodrick asked. You felt his arms wrap around your waist, his chest pressed against your back, his nose tucked into the crook of your neck. You felt yourself smile despite your bad mood.

“No, I love the bear. I named him Sasha Bear-on Cohen. Get it?” you said, turning your head to place a kiss on his cheek.

“Ahh, a-very nice,” Rodrick replied in his best Borat impression. You giggled. He gave you a squeeze, hands warm on your waist, but the sensation made you self-conscious about your body again, and you wiggled away. You couldn’t understand how Rodrick could bear to touch you. You had no idea why he was attracted to you in the first place. It made tears spring to your eyes again, and you sniffled.

“Y/n”, Rodrick said softly, looking genuinely concerned. “I know you. You don’t get sad for no reason - unless you’re on your period, or you start thinking too much about the Mars Curiosity Rover.”

You sighed, but you knew he had a point. It took you a minute to get your thoughts into words before you spoke.

“I just... I know its silly. But those pictures - you look like a Hot Topic wet dream and I look... I don’t know. I just don’t like the way I look. And most of the time I don’t let it bother me - at least, I try - but I hate having my picture taken because whenever I see them, all I can see is the things I hate about myself. So. Yeah.”

You feel the tears making steady rivers down your cheeks, and your voice shakes as you speak. Rodrick listens attentively, sitting on the foot of your bed. He pats the space next to him, and you sit down. His hand rests on your leg - not constraining you or placating you with a hug, just letting you know he’s there.

“Y/n, I don’t know how to tell you this without sounding like a giant cheese-ball, but... holy fuck. You are so beautiful. I - every time I look at you all I can think is goddamn, I can’t believe she’s into a loser like me. And don’t argue, it’s just a fact,” he says quickly as you try to defend him from his own self-deprecation. 

“I’m not good with words... I’m more of a man of action, y’know?” he says, raising his eyebrows suggestively. You smack him on the arm, but his silly expression still makes you smile.

“But, I can still tell you - and don’t repeat this to anyone ever because I’ll never live it down - you give me butterflies. Every time. No matter if you’re in pajamas or a ballgown. You make me feel like a stack of pancakes with warm butter and syrup,” he pauses as you laugh, his warm brown eyes gazing into yours. “Just... I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point. You make my bones feel funny. That’s how beautiful you are.”

Rodrick finally wraps his arms around you. You let yourself be folded into the embrace, feeling content and more than a little overwhelmed by his confession.

“Thank you,” you murmur, unable to find any other words at the moment. You want to say all of that back to him, ten-fold. You want to tell him he makes you feel like flashing concert lights and Fourth of July fireworks. But your mouth can’t make the words, so you just wrap your arms around him tighter.

“Do you want me to spend the night?” he asks, pressing a kiss to your temple. You simply nod, already moving up the bed and pulling back the covers as Rodrick goes to turn out the lights.

In the dark of the room, only illuminated by the street-lamp outside your house, Rodrick looks very alien - all long lines and lean angles. It makes your heart-rate kick up again, and you feel a blush form on your cheeks. It’s not as though this is the first time you’ve slept in the same bed, or even been intimate, but this feels... different. 

Rodrick tucks himself in next to you on your bed - it’s a queen size, so it fits both of you well enough that you could sleep together not touching if you wanted to. But Rodrick is a big cuddler at heart, even if he would deny it to his grave. He wraps his arms around your waist as you lay your head on his chest, already being lulled to sleep by the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

You feel like it’s important to tell him before you both lose the tenderness of the moment, so you finally open your mouth to speak.

“I’m so lucky. I know you think you’re... a loser, or whatever but, Rodrick. You aren’t. You are so beyond cool, and brave, and courageous. Thinking about you makes my head spin. And whenever I see you... I’m home.” You trail off, feeling awkward, but Rodrick simply tightens his arms around you, stroking your back with his fingers.

“If I knew we were getting this sentimental I wouldn’t have brought lube... and maybe a few tissues,” he snickers, and you pinch his nipple, causing him to squeal.

“Jerk.”

“Bitch,” he teases back, and you sigh softly, feeling your body and mind relax. You had almost completely forgotten about the pictures - and at this point, you didn’t really care. The pictures didn’t speak. The only voice telling you that you weren’t beautiful was the one inside your head, and it could definitely be a bitch sometimes.

You could’ve imagined it, but as your brain was finally shutting down, you could’ve sworn you heard Rodrick start to sing, “you are my sunshine... my only sunshine...”

“you make me happy... when skies are gray...”

“you’ll never know, dear, how much i love you...”

“please don’t take my sunshine away...”

[ddarker-dreams]

Epiphany. Yan Albedo x Reader

Warnings: General yandere themes, implied unhappy previous relationship, and spoilers for Albedo’s story. Word count: 2k.

It wasn’t fair. 

A snowstorm, unlike anything you’ve ever seen rages outside, shards of lustrous ice falling from the sky with the intent to kill. The Dragonspine’s traditionally somber ambiance contorts into something far more sinister. Numerous hues of grays and dark blues blur together, obscuring your view of the mountainous region. It’s difficult to see anything outside Albedo’s workshop save for the storm. 

“Your shaking won’t stop unless you sit by the fire.” 

His matter-of-fact declaration startles you. Albedo hadn’t spoken in some time, his attention devoted to a specimen he had discovered prior to the storm. You would’ve shared in his enthusiasm if not for the overall situation and company. Sighing reluctantly, you stand from your spot, hugging yourself to stave off the biting cold. It’s impossible to settle on which is worse: staring at the blizzard or staring at him. 

Albedo’s fair skin glows from the light of the crackling fire, sandy blonde hair tousled around his face without care. As he studies the new specimen, his lips purse, eyes focusing on nothing but the work before him, like nothing else mattered. This is how you’ve always known him to be. Even if the world was falling apart around him, Albedo would never falter from what catches his interest until he felt sated. 

Sensing how you’re fixating on him, his attention flickers briefly to you, an unidentifiable emotion gleaming in his eyes. You’re the one to avert your gaze first. Sucrose is going to owe you majorly for this one, why did you even accept her request in the first place? Thinking about it now and cursing your past self does nothing yet you still occupy the time by doing just that. She had come to you panicked, pleading that you take this letter to Albedo in the Dragonspine, claiming it’s urgent. In the heat of the moment, your judgment lapsed and you caved. She spoke of needing to continue her research in Mondstadt or else she would’ve done it herself.

Look where your goodwill has gotten you now, you think. She owes me a week’s worth of dinner. 

You lament giving credence to his advice, but your stubbornness concedes, the cold too miserable to withstand any longer. The fire is right by his side to add insult to injury. Did he do that on purpose to spite you? It’s unlikely, yet your mind wanders to the worst-case scenario. If any other citizen of Mondstadt were privy to your suspicious thoughts, they’d think you unreasonable, as Albedo has established his reputation well. He’s a known eccentric, sure, but a genius one. A few quirks on his behalf that anyone else could overlook. 

Quirks that you used to overlook yourself.

“Would you please grab my bag,” he doesn’t look away from his prized sample but motions to the general area it’s in. “I need to write down my observations.” 

You follow through with what he asks. There was a time you’d have been over the moon to participate in his process, you used to practically trip over yourself to do anything he needed. That enthusiasm has long died off and been replaced by apathy. It’s when he reaches out to take the bag from you that you snap from your trance-like reverie. Whatever remnants of obedience that lingered in your subconscious are brushed away, as you decide to finally challenge him.

Inhaling sharply, you hold the bag just out of his reach, finally earning his recognition for more than a millisecond. 

“I’m not your assistant anymore.” Among other things, you think. 

The words come out more childish than you intended. What you had meant to communicate was your new, critical view on him — he’s a person just the same as anyone else — who held no authority over you. You hold your breath awaiting his response. Albedo doesn’t have an intimidating presence, not in the traditional sense. It’s his mind that you’re wary of. There’s no guessing what sentiments run through his head, yet that’s never stopped you from trying to unravel the mystery that is his thought process.

He gives you a long, hard stare. “I’m aware of that.” 

Where were you going with this again? Albedo doesn’t need to point out your needlessly spiteful behavior with words, his mildly irate facial expression says it just fine. His thin eyebrows threaten to furrow together and the corners of his lips curl down into a frown. You’re unsure of what bothers him more. What you pointed out, or that his work is being interrupted for even the slightest moment. 

The budding confidence you had is all but crushed beneath the weight of his unblinking gaze. Clearing your throat, you decide to take a new approach, straightening your posture in an attempt to be taken more seriously.

“Then tell me, why do you still act like I am?” Your question comes from a genuine place of confusion. Ever since your arrival, you’ve begrudgingly done the odds and ends he’s asked of you, almost like clockwork. You had fallen back into the rhythm that was your life up until a month ago. There was just something about the silent authority he carries that makes it impossible to say no. 

That is, until now. You’re determined to clear up the problems that have plagued your mind. Albedo’s had his time to be nonchalant like nothing happened between you two, but you’re not having it anymore. 

“Force of habit,” he nods his head towards your hand that holds his possessions captive. “Now, would you please…?” 

Your grip tightens and you shake your head defiantly. “No. Or at least, not until you give me a better explanation. Not just about that. How you act in general… none of it makes sense to me.” 

It wouldn’t take much effort from his half to wrangle his bag from you, you’ve seen him in action before after all, so it comes as a surprise when he instead gives in. You blink, gaping when he takes a seat by the roaring fire, and motions for you to do the same. An opportunity like this is hard to come by. The past few weeks, it’s been your code of conduct to avoid any interaction with Albedo, but your frustration can no longer be repressed. 

You take a seat by his side but intentionally leave some distance. 

There’s so much you want to say. Insults, questions, demands, anything. Anything that could give just a hint of closure that he refused to offer himself. It doesn’t help that this familiar area brings memories with it — good and bad alike — painful nostalgia eating away at your heart from the inside out. While you battle with your inner thoughts, he observes you in silence. For a time you hear nothing but the crackling of the fire and wind howling outside.

Finding the courage to speak up, your throat tightens as you force a question out. “Did I… mean so little to you?” 

It’s rare that Albedo ever looks taken aback, but your inquiry managed to do just that. His eyes widen ever so slightly, confusion etching onto his face before he manages to compose himself. Lots of intimate discussions had gone this way. You’d spend hours prepping yourself, meticulously going over what it was you wanted to say, only for the words to die on your tongue when you saw him. 

“I don’t understand what you mean.” He appears genuinely perplexed and you can’t help but feel silly. It may have served you better to think long about this, you realize, but now it’s too late. You rush to explain yourself in hopes of making better sense. 

“When I said I wanted to, er, part ways,” you can’t help but cringe at not knowing the proper label for ending whatever was going on between you two, “You just seemed, I don’t know, indifferent…?” 

In your head, this went down in such a different way. 

Your cheeks are set ablaze by the humiliation his silence brings. It’s not the first time you’ve felt this exact way when bringing up your feelings to Albedo, yet it’s just as awful. Archons, does he always have to look at you like you have three heads? 

When he finally gives you an answer, you wish you had never asked. 

“I knew you would come back to me eventually.” 

Now it’s your turn to give him an incredulous look. He says it without an ounce of hesitation, never once breaking eye contact, his resolve holding firm. Sensing a need to clarify, he attempts to do just that. 

“I considered a variety of variables,” he raises his hand and brushes his knuckles over your face, the unexpected tenderness making you shiver. “I know how your mind works very well. When you told me that’s what you wanted, your physical mannerisms didn’t line up with what you were saying.”

Your heart drops but he doesn’t stop there. 

“Biological responses never lie. It wasn’t anxiety that kept you from looking me in the eye then, it was reasonable doubt. You know it as well as I do. There’s something about me that you can’t place, and the natural human response to the unknown is caution.”

He stops caressing your cheek. “So, tell me [First], and maybe then you’ll reach the conclusion you’ve been searching for. Why are you afraid of me?”

Everything feels wrong. How he’s whispering such horrifying ideas into your mind, leading the conversation with expertise. Is it charisma? You don’t think that’s the proper word. No, it’s how damn certain he is, how he never once leaves room for argument. 

Albedo appraises your silence coldly. 

“See? You’re not sure yourself. Thus why I knew you’d return to me,” he retracts his hand and leans back, but the ghost of his touch leaves your face tingling. “When you don’t understand something, you study it. That’s who you are. It’s why I picked you to be my assistant, that quality of exhausting curiosity, much like the one I have myself.”

He’s hypnotizing you with his words, his even tone, his silent authority. You’re drawn in like a moth to a flame and trapped in a verbal standoff. Whether it was a result of your Vision flickering subconsciously resulting in the fire diminishing or some other cause, you realize what little warmth in the cave is disappearing, your breath materializing in front of you as a result. 

But it’s only yours. 

That’s when it clicks deep inside the recesses of your mind. Apart of what always bothered you about Albedo was this sense of uncanniness. Whenever you thought you were understanding him better, new mysteries would arise, leaving you worse off than when you started. This combined with his workload and the emotional distance you felt between the two of you is what led to your separation. 

Albedo’s face is but a few inches away from yours. He’s patiently awaiting a response or anything you could muster to challenge him with, though both of you are aware that no such thing exists. 

You manage to surprise him again by asking another question. “Why… why are you not breathing?”

And how could you never have noticed until now?

His long eyelashes flutter shut. “Relationships truly are troublesome. There are unspoken rules and expectations, both of which take effort to satisfy. I hadn’t mind trying to do so to keep you happy, but that approach didn’t work as intended.” 

Had it not been for the hammering of your heart and how lighthearted you feel, you’d challenge him on his definition of trying. Instead, you watch without so much as moving an inch, too in awe to utter a single word. 

“You always asked me to be more romantic, but I guess the phrase you take my breath away won’t suffice here,” he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll tell you, but once you know… well, I don’t think I can ever let you leave my side.”

“I hope you won’t mind keeping me company a bit longer than you intended to.” 

[newcaptainofsquad9]

To Be Loved And Deserved~Myoui Mina x black! fem! reader

Pairing: Mina x reader

Genre: Fluff, Romance, angst, smut, hurt and comfort

Summary: With the distance you created due to your anxiety and self doubt, Mina sought to lessen it and show you how much she cares about you.

Word Count: 1, 962

Author’s note: A continuation/sequel to this fic. Smut ahead, so there’s your warning, 18 plus from this point. Also, sorry if it’s trash I’m having a hard time focusing and finishing things so I finally got something done! Hope ya’ll enjoy!

Cosplay is always fun for you, especially when your girlfriend, Mina joined in the fun. At first, she loved to only gush about you and your presence and flair with the craft (her words), but with enough pleas and kisses, she gave it a try. The first cosplay the both you did together was Korra and Asami from The Legend of Korra, and the first you both shared on tiktok. It wasn’t the last as the both of you delved into some of your favorite pairings/partnerships, or ships in general from media: Renji and Rukia from Bleach, Jon Snow and Daenarys Targaryen, and various Marvel characters (Mina insisted of course).

There was one that people criticized you the most for and that was your cosplay of Princess Bubblegum, in all her pink and pretty glory, yet many commenters didn’t feel the same way about you. Like how they thrashed you of your sailor moon and other anime cosplay, they stressed over how Bubblegum wasn’t black and how you weren’t built for cosplay as much as Mina was. It hurt, damaged you as much that you began to distance yourself from your girlfriend. You only told her you need space, of course being Mina she didn’t question until it became weeks--your phone blew up with texts from a worried Mina which escalated to calls, tik tok and Instagram messages. You cut yourself off from her and the comments, only leaving your room when necessary. The calls soon stopped. 

Instead, a knock echoed throughout your home, jerking you from your burrito like position wrapped around your comforter. You knew she’d come over eventually, but the conversation isn’t something you’re looking forward to. Did Mina want to break up with you? You didn’t, you loved her so much that it hurt but she wouldn’t understand how much you felt. People only praised her when she tried, not calling her ugly or telling her a cosplay isn’t right because of her race. 

You got up from your bed, sighing at the cold that fit your tummy and toes once your comforter fell. It took a few shuffles but you found the front door as more knocks continued. Your heart pumped with each thud before you gathered enough courage to open it. 

Mina’s fist was still raised as she ceased knocking.

“Y/N,” she said.

“Mina I--”

You were cut off by Mina throwing her arms around you.  

“Thank God,” she whispered against the skin of your cheek. “You’re OK, you’re actually OK.”

Your arms wrapped around her back instantly as the emotion that bubbled up inside you came crashing down through a heat of tears that rushed. 

“S-So, does that mean you don’t want to break up with me?” you asked.

Mina pulled back immediately. 

“What? Did I do something wrong?” she said. “Y/N please just--”

You cut her off with a deep sob, no longer holding on without her. Mina’s arms wrapped around your waist, cooing softly as she cupped your cheeks. She stepping with you, slow and steady as the both of you moved as one towards your room. 

Once you reached it, she lay back against the bed next to you with enough space between you both.

Your eyes dart to the covers beneath you as silence fell. Mina opened her mouth to speak, yet closed it as you began to speak as well.

Mina’s hands flew back to your face as her face flushed with a bit of red.

“You should go first,”she said. 

You nodded, it’s the least you could do since you kept her in the dark for awhile.

“You did nothing wrong Mina,” you started. “I-I had a bad time on Tik-Tok, my anxiety got out of hand and--”

The sound of Mina’s gasp cut you off, her face serious yet again. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she said. “I always check in with you when things are hard for me.”

You nodded; the sadness Mina expressed breaking your heart more and more. 

“I know, and I wanted to talk to you, believe me I did but,” you paused. Mina tilted her head.

“But?” she asked before silently telling you to go on.

“My problems, are completely different from yours, you get so much praise from our cosplays,” you said. “I scrolled through thousands of them all commenting on how accurate your cosplay is, even if it wasn’t completely all there--no one called you names or sought to stereotypes to discredit you.”

Mina’s lips parted, looking to speak but she only nodded and rubbed your back. 

“A-And I’m not blaming you, it has nothing to do with you,” you declared. “But seeing how they brought you up, just to yank me down made me resent you--just for a moment! That’s why I needed space.”

Mina blinked away tears, forcing your own to build up as she wrapped her arms around you. 

“I’m sorry Mina,” you whispered against her chest. 

“You don’t need to apologize,” she said. “You let me back in, even if we have different problems, I’m always here to listen and support. OK?”

Her hands traveled up and down your sides, making the shirt you wore ride up a bit to bare soft skin. You nodded, then a shudder rippled through at Mina’s contact; your girlfriend noticed and narrowed her eyes. 

“I missed you,” she whispered. “Every part of you.”

Her words followed with a few pecks to your lips, across your jawline then down to your neck. 

“I-I missed you too.”

Mina smiled. It was her toothy smile with her adorable gums and the shininess of her eyes. 

“Yeah? I hope you didn’t just miss me and lay here all day,” she said with a hint of teasing. 

“No,” you said, heat flushing to your cheeks. “I-I watched a lot of Netflix, thought about things and ate some cookies.”

Mina giggled.

“Oh? What kind of cookies?” she asked while her hands still lingered at your sides softly. 

Her touch almost made you lose your train of thought. You shifted around the bed, flopping to the other side before reaching over to the dresser to grab the pack of cookies. 

“Strawberry cream ones,” you said in between a few bites. “Want some?”

Mina smiled as you chewed, then eventually swallowing.  

“No, but I’d much rather enjoy lovely strawberry kisses,” she whispered. 

You nearly choked on the rest of your cookie as Mina giggled and caressed your face, gently while you finished the few cookies you decided to eat. 

“Is it OK, if I kiss you?” she asked, leaning in to touch your forehead with her own. “And show you how much you are loved?”

Her words were tender, you barely reacted as her lips ghosted across your throat, jaw then cheek. A sigh escaped you; Mina’s kisses got harder, most likely leaving bruises and marks but you didn’t care. All you cared about was the warm feeling your girlfriend spurred within you. Mina noticed your silence and pulled back with soft eyes. 

“Y/N? Are you OK?”

You nodded. 

“Yes,” you said before initiating the kiss this time.

Mina moved fervently against your lips, hands moving down your sides to lift your shirt just enough to caress more skin and soft noises from. 

“Mina,” you moaned. 

“What would you like me to do, baby girl?” she whispered. “Anything you want, just let me love you.” 

Your hands tangled themselves in her curly hair while she trailed kisses down your neck and parts of your chest exposed to her thanks to your v neck. 

“I just want to get lost in you,” you said. “Make me feel good. Make love to me, Mina.”

Mina’s kisses ceased once you told her, eyes sparkling with as much love and passion that you almost cry again. She kisses you once more. It’s softer now while her hands gently pull up your shirt; you help by taking it off completely. A knowing smile spread while her eyes wondered down and your bra-less chest. 

“Y-You, I-I,” she paused as she tried to get her words together. “S-Stunning.”

You pulled her back to be flushed against you. Hands and fingers moved everywhere and all at once: Mina’s tracing each curve and stretch mark she could find; you tried to chase and follow her movements by unbuttoning her own shirt and tossing it on the floor. 

The both of you ended up panting on the bed. Mina straddled you with you lain on the bed in a heap of breathless giggles. She continued marking you to the quick moves of her hips, making you gasp at her clothed heat.  

“M-Mina-”

You were cut off by her getting off of you for a moment to pull you to the edge of the bed where she sat on her knees. The pajama bottoms you wore slipped off by Mina carefully, underwear following as she slipped them off in a matter of seconds. Her lips traced your legs, up thighs and lingered near the place you needed her the most.

“I need to gear you up, baby,” Mina whispered against the softness of your skin. 

Her fingers swiped slowly at your folds. The sensation had moans slipping from your mouth; Mina smiled and coaxed you through are her movements as she slipped a finger inside you. 

“Please, Mina--”

She finally followed your request, leaning up to climb over you, pulling her jeans down and kissing you fiercely. Her tongue slipped through, both of you not fighting for dominance over one another but the lust that was pent up for weeks. Your hands traveled down to Mina’s forearms, gripping tight as she sunk down: both of your soaking cores meeting. Her thrusts started up again with each kiss from your lips, jaw, chest then neck. The sensation wasn’t enough for you to handle. Mina smirked at the mess you were already with the moans building from you. When your eyes met, your heart-rate spiked up and the breath you barely had left; her eyes were shiny, careful and too pretty to look at. So much so, you couldn’t help but get teary eyed--you wanted to blame yourself again but Mina’s movements grew softer as her thrusts lessened.

“I love you so much,” you said, choking on the sobs that rocked your body. 

Mina bit her lip at the slowed movements, both of you so close to climax while being lost in each others feelings and emotions. 

“I love you too,” she panted. “Every part, do you understand? You’re beautiful OK?”

You nodded, adverted your eyes. Mina shook her head before gripping your chin.

“Say it, babygirl,” she purred. “Tell me, look at me. Tell me you’re beautiful.”

The deep, huskiness of her voice sent you over the edge, climax taking over while the words spilled from your lips.

“I-I’m beautiful!” you cried. 

Mina beamed down at you with a sense of passion mixed in with enough cockiness to force you to climax yet again. 

“I’m not the one you have to say that to,” she said. “But it is sexy seeing how I could make you do that and come.”

You rolled your eyes, then tried to roll over only for Mina to hold you by the arms while slipping from between you and onto the soft sheets beneath. 

“Are you still thinking about what happened with those disrespectful people on Tik-Tok?” she asked while playing with rubbing her fingers softly down your arms.

“No, not when my girlfriend is here cheering me up and telling me how loved I am,” you said. “And you’re right, I need to start learning how to love myself better.”

Mina pressed a hard kiss to your forehead before burying her face into your neck.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way baby. 

[missmentelle]

Let’s talk about Instagram “influencer” culture. 

My younger brother and his girlfriend are Instagram influencers. They aren’t household names with a million fans apiece, but they each have a decent following. They’ve been featured in various lists and roundups of people whose lives and relationships are #goals, and they both earn a steady income from Instagram. Not enough to make a full-time living, but enough to make pouring hundreds of hours into their Instagram careers worth their while. 

Despite being so close to an Instagram influencer - several of the most popular photos on my brother’s account were taken by me - I have some serious qualms about Instragram “influencer” culture as a whole. I studied the impact of platforms like Instagram in graduate school - I have a master’s degree in clinical psychology, and I spent part of my time in grad school working with a professor who studies the impact of social media on mental health. A recent study found that out of all social media platforms, Instagram is the worst for your mental health. I’ve also had the chance to see firsthand what a life lived on Instagram has meant for my brother, and the toll it continues to take on him. 

So what makes Instagram influencer culture so toxic for both the people who create it and the people influenced by it? For starters: It’s faker than you think. Instagram stars intentionally market themselves as “authentic” and “real” - you are led to believe that you are getting an unfiltered glimpse into someone’s daily life as you follow along with their pictures and their daily stories. In reality, however, a huge amount of time, effort and money goes into the images you see. My brother and his girlfriend take hundreds of photos in order to get one or two shots worthy of posting. Outings are often little more than photoshoots; a “hike” is often just a short walk to a scenic location, followed by hours of photos. Ditto for ice skating, beach days and photos from music festivals. They don’t get to enjoy many of the activities they are depicted doing with big smiles on Instagram, because the focus is on capturing the perfect photo. Photos are often planned weeks in advance, vacations are booked based on which locations will make the best backdrops, and the fancy food in their pictures often goes cold while they get the perfect shot. The fact that they want to create beautiful images is not an issue - after all, the pictures in many mainstream ads are stunning. The issue is that they’re specifically pretending not to be models or advertisers; they are intentionally leading you to believe that what you’re seeing is candid daily life. Which leads me to...

It presents unattainable ideals as everyday life. Instagram influencers roll out of bed in perfect and tastefully-decorated apartments, eat nutritious and visually stunning meals, and lead full, active lives of glamour and adventure. Their skin is never flawed, their hair never out of place, and their outfits never tacky. Again, this isn’t a problem if you are creating an advertisement or a TV show - something that your viewers know is manufactured to look perfect - but Instagram stars hinge their success on pretending that that level of non-stop perfect is their average, daily life. In reality, my brother’s girlfriend piles dirty laundry and books in her bathtub so that her bedroom looks “minimalist” in her photos, and the two of them post weeks-old starry-eyed couple photos with gushy captions even when they are on the verge of breaking up. Influencers themselves tend to be young, attractive, white, thin, able-bodied, middle-class cis people - an ideal that is already unattainable for most people - and yet they present themselves as totally average people. When flaws and problems are revealed, it’s often in a very controlled way, and generally tied in with some kind of pithy advice or mantra. Which brings us to...

It encourages people with no credentials to hand out “expert” advice. This is probably one of the most damaging aspects of influencer culture. 22-year-olds with absolutely no formal training in nutrition, mental health, medicine, dermatology or fitness are handing out “expert” wellness advice - or even designing diets, skincare routines, and workout regimens for others - and feeling increasingly comfortable doing it. Vulnerable people who may have very serious issues lap this advice up, regardless of how unsound or untested it may be; after all, these influencers appear to have perfect lives, and it’s easy to assume that they must know the secrets of health, happiness and clear skin. There are a couple of huge problems with this. For one, many people aren’t actually aware of why they are successful - if a conventionally attractive cis white woman whose parents financially support her tells you that the secret to avoiding stress is meditation and mud masks, you should be skeptical of that advice. People in positions of relative privilege are often blind to the many advantages they have, and will attribute their success to their “wellness routines” or “positive thinking”, rather than the social advantages that are not available to many of their followers. Also, influencers are often peddling advice that they themselves do not follow. My brother’s girlfriend makes money by selling advice on how to make a full-time living while travelling the world, despite the fact that she isn’t actually able to do that. Many influencers who promote extremely restrictive diets and health regimes have admitted that they themselves do not follow these diets. People who are feeling deeply insecure about their bodies, relationships, careers, lifestyles and productivity are turning to advice from people who aren’t qualified to help. And why does every Instagram star suddenly seem to be offering themselves up as a “wellness” expert? It’s because...

It exists to sell you things, while pretending otherwise. As much as the influencer community presents itself as being all about “authenticity”, “expression”, “empowerment”, or “wellness”, at the end of the day, it is all about trying to sell you things, even if that means exploiting your deepest insecurities. A company that employs plus-sized models to represent their $90 leggings is still a company that, at the end of the day, is trying to sell you $90 leggings, and if they have to pay someone to convince you that these leggings are the only thing standing between you and finally loving your body and having the courage to chase your dreams, then that’s exactly what they are going to do. It is an advertisement, dressed up as self-help and inspiration from an ordinary person who just wants you to succeed. If you find that you feel bad about yourself after a couple of minutes of scrolling through your instagram feed, that’s the impact that the app is meant to have on you. People who are completely satisfied with themselves and their lives don’t buy things they don’t need - making you feel like your life should be better is the key to selling you a wide variety of products. 

Does all this mean that Instagram is evil, or that influencers are bad people? Of course not. They are people trying to make money through self-expression, and many produce interesting and engaging content. Many of them are very young, and may not think about the impact that they might be having on their followers. I certainly don’t think that any of them set out to deceive people. But it is important to think critically about the media we consume, the purpose of that media, and the message it carries. I have known many people, both personally and professionally, who find that they feel worse about themselves after spending an afternoon scrolling through social media, and I think it’s important for all of us to examine why that may be, and take steps to protect our own mental health.

[spacexcowgirl]

I Think He Knows - F.W.

Fred Weasley x Reader

Summary: Y/N gets drunk, and decides there's no better time to tell her boyfriend she loves him than the present.

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: Alcohol usage/intoxication!! There’s a make out scene. Also food. Otherwise mainly just fluff!

A/N: This is my first fic I’ve ever posted on here and the inspiration for it was born out of a drunken anon ask to @lumosandnoxwriting​ sooo here it is. I’ll probably end up writing another part about the next day and them recouping, but who knows. Totally open to any critiques/criticism/help anyone has to offer! Pictures are taken from Pinterest.

The flashing lights were bright and the music far too loud, but you didn’t care. You had liquid courage flowing through your veins and it was making it increasingly easier to lose yourself on the dance floor. Typically, you weren’t much of a dancer, but several shots of some pink liquid you had forgotten the name of had you abandoning all traces of your usual self. You swayed your hips to the rhythm of a song you didn’t know, giggling every time you made eye contact with Alicia or Angelina.

As the song playing came to an end, you gripped your best friends’ forearms and dragged them from the dance floor before another could start. You briefly heard their groans of protests but couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

“I want another drink!” You shouted over the music, pulling them towards the bar.

“We don’t need another.” Alicia pointed out, but she was now following you on her own accord, which told you she wouldn’t be protesting too much.

At the bar, you ordered another round of shots for the three of you—asking specifically for ‘whatever the pink one is called.’ The three of you clinked the small glasses together before raising them to your lips and throwing your heads back, allowing the liquid to leave a burning trail down your throat. 

“I’m going to call him.” You announced brightly, slamming your glass down on the bar.

“Y/N, we talked about this!” Angelina whined. “Tonight is supposed to be girl’s night. Plus, Fred’s out with his friends. You should give him his space.”

“Oh please, you act like that boy wouldn’t drop everything to rush over here and be with her.” Alicia rolled her eyes lightly, a knowing smile lighting up her face.

Her words caused you to blush furiously, which you attempted to hide by sliding your cellphone out of your back pocket and bringing it to your face. The screen was too bright, but as you fumbled around with trying to turn it down, you came to realize just how drunk you really were. You quickly gave up on trying to turn down the brightness and instead opened up the call app, clicking at the button that read ‘Recents’ before tapping the name right at the top. You barely registered Angelina’s disappointed groan as you brought the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” 

“Freddie!” You called out, a sweet giggle leaving your lips. You were filled with the most wonderful elation at speaking to your boyfriend, sending a flutter of butterflies alive through your stomach.

“Oh, hello, Y/N.” The voice chuckled. “This isn’t—”

“Where are you?” You interrupted him, rocking slightly on your heels. Angelina was people watching those out on the dance floor, while Alicia had taken up flirting with some bloke next to her.

“We’re still at Lee’s flat.” There was a pause, then he continued. “Y/N, this is George you called. How drunk are you?”

“I don’t think I’m that drunk. Let me ask Angie.” You paused, putting the phone on speaker so your friend could answer for you. “Ang, how drunk am I?”

“Very.” Angelina answered over the music, earning a laugh from George on the other end of the line. “’s that George? Lemme talk to him.”

Angelina took the phone from your hand, ignoring your pout as she did so, and switched it off of speaker mode. At first, you had tried to listen in on the conversation she was having with George, but you quickly got distracted. You hoisted yourself up into one of the bar seats, kicking your legs back and forth as you gazed around. After a few minutes, you were pulled from your drunken thoughts when Angelina nudged you with your phone.

“He hung up?” You pouted as you looked at the black screen. “Are they coming here?”

“No, they’re staying at Lee’s.” Angelina shook her head. “But they said they’d meet us back at your flat when we leave here.”

“Well, let’s go!” You quickly went to jump down from the stool, only for Angelina to place her hands on your shoulders and hold you in place.

“Uh uh, we’re gonna let you sober up a bit first.” She shook her head. “Don’t want you doing something you’ll regret tomorrow.”

“Especially when we know you’ll blame us.” Alicia now joined in, evidently blowing off the guy she had been flirting with only moments before.

Perhaps if you were even a little less drunk, you would have been annoyed by their statements. But currently, you were in a state of almost childlike happiness and wonder. You couldn’t help but let your mind wander to thoughts of your boyfriend, causing a cheesy grin to rise to your face. The past 6 months together had been some of the best of your life, and you often found yourself wondering why you two hadn’t gotten together sooner. You had always been friends during your Hogwarts years, but neither of you ever attempted to take that next step in your relationship until years after graduation. Now, you couldn’t be more thankful with the change.

“I’m going to tell him I love him.” You declared, saying the words out loud as more of a way to convince yourself than to inform them.

“What?” Alicia sputtered, shooting a worried glance to Angelina. “You mean, tonight?”

“I don’t see why not.” You shrugged. “I mean, I do love him. Why shouldn’t I tell him?”

“Y/N/N, don’t you think maybe you should wait until you’re sober?” Angelina looked at you hesitantly. “I mean, that’s kind of a big step.”

“You guys don’t get it,” You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest like a child being scolded. In your drunken mind, you knew that they would never understand the ins and outs of your relationship with Fred. The two of you had never put pressure on things that others deemed ‘the big stuff.’ Everything always had just come so naturally between you two, and you were convinced this should be no different. A small voice in the back of your head told you that the sober version of you would disagree, but you pushed it away. Your decision was made.

“This is like, exactly what we mean by you doing something you’ll regret and blaming us.” Alicia sighed. “So, you better not be mad at us tomorrow.”

“I won’t be, promise.” You affirmed. 

How could this possibly go wrong?

About an hour later, Angelina and Alicia had enough of the club environment and had decided you were sober enough that they could safely walk you back to your flat. The three of you gathered your things and your excitement bubbled inside of you at the prospect of finally getting to see Fred. You nearly skipped out of the club, Alicia and Angelina trailing close behind you, and into the cool night air. Almost immediately, your eyes were drawn to two heads of red hair, backs to you, talking at the edge of the sidewalk. Although they were nearly identical, there was something about one of their postures and energy, and you just knew that it was Fred. Before Angelina or Alicia could stop you, you were running and jumping on your boyfriend’s back, nearly sending him tumbling over.

“Freddie!” You squealed, attaching your arms firmly around his middle as your feet replanted on the ground. He swiveled in your hold, a bout of laughter leaving his lips, as he took in your presence.

“’s good to see you too, love.” He slurred, bending down at a slightly awkward angle to pepper your face with kisses. You giggled at the tickling feeling his lips left behind.

“Thought we were meeting you guys back at her flat?” Angelina questioned as she approached the three of you.

“That was the plan, but Freddie here has had one too many glasses of firewhisky and decided he couldn’t wait that long.” George rolled his eyes. “Said he’d go with or without me to find you guys, so we’ve just been waiting out here.”

“Great, so they’re both drunk off their asses.” Alicia feigned annoyance, but the small smile on her face as she gazed at her two friends public displays of affection showed that she wasn’t truly bothered.

“Alright, love birds, it’s bloody freezing out.” George clapped a hand down on Fred’s shoulder, pulling the older twin’s attention away from you for the first time. “Let’s get going, yeah?”

Fred nodded and held out his hand for you to take, which you happily accepted. The two of you lead the others, swinging your hands between you as you walked down the sidewalk. The entire time, you whispered and giggled back and forth, finding anything and everything to be the funniest thing you ever heard.

“Your hand is so tiny.” Fred giggled, halting your swinging motion to bring your interlaced fingers up and examine them. 

“Is not.” You pouted. You attempted to pull your hand from his, but his grip on you was firm. He used your conjoined hands to pull you closer to him, causing you to stumble slightly, which of course resulted in both of you giggling even more. Fred placed a kiss on each of your knuckles before letting both of your hands fall comfortably between you again.

“It is, but it’s cute.” He looked down at you dreamily, as if you were the most perfect thing he had ever laid his eyes on. In an instant, all of his drunk giddiness seemed to fade and he became uncharacteristically serious. “How did I get so lucky?”

“Hm.” You pretended to ponder the question, bringing your free hand up to tap your chin. “Dunno. I still think you must have me under some spell or potion.”

“Oh, right, how could I forget?” He grinned. “That reminds me, I’ve gotta make another batch of love potion before this one wears off and you leave me.”

“Wouldn’t want that, would we?” You teased back, knocking your shoulder into his.

“Never.” And you could tell, he was serious.

Up ahead you could see the familiar outline of your building. You hadn’t realized just how tired your feet were from walking in your heels, and you longed for nothing more than to slip them off and lie in Fred’s arms for the rest of the night. Nerves began to bubble in your stomach the closer you got, because you knew that meant you were just another step closer to finally telling him. While you hadn’t faltered in your decision, as you began to sober up slightly, you couldn’t help but be anxious for how he would respond. 

“Do we need to help you two get in?” George questioned once you finally were outside your building.

“We’ll be okay.” Fred shook his head. You cuddled into his side for warmth, causing him to raise your entangled hands and wrap his arm around your shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the side of your head, causing a dopey smile to rise onto your face.

“You’re sure?” Angelina looked between the two of you with raised brows. In response, you simply nodded. “Okay, well, call me tomorrow, alright?”

Both Alicia and Angelina sent you one last glance, one that you knew communicated how they didn’t encourage what you had told them earlier, before they all nodded and offered goodbyes, carrying on their way. Fred untangled your hands and removed his arm from your shoulder to open the door, dramatically bowing forward and extending an arm to allow you to enter first.

“After you, m’lady.”

You giggled loudly at his antics, skipping into the building and beginning towards the stairs. Fred  was hot on your heels, causing you to quicken your pace and run ahead of him, his laughter ringing out behind you as he tried to catch up to you.  Just as you turned on the first landing to continue up the steps, Fred’s hands caught your waist and began ticking your sides, causing your laughter to increase. You did your best to wriggle out of his grasp, which was much easier to do in his drunken state, and continued up the steps. Once on your floor, you quickly turned the corner and found the way to your flat, fumbling with your keys to get in before Fred caught up.

Unfortunately for you, you couldn’t seem to find the right key let alone slide it in to unlock the door, so Fred was able to catch up as you fumbled. You forgot your efforts and instead turned around and blocked the door, a drunken smirk on your face as you gazed up at your boyfriend.

“Sorry, you’re not allowed in.” You teased, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You’re really going to leave your sweet, loving boyfriend out in the hall, after he went out of his way to safely walk you back from the club?” 

“Mhm.” You nodded. “That is, unless you can tell me the password.”

Fred pretended to think for a moment, before he swooped his head down and pressed your lips together in a kiss. It was clumsy, both of your mouths seeming just a bit off center, but it was clear that neither of you cared. You tangled your arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible, as he pressed your back against the door. He pulled back first, leaving you in lovesick bliss.

“Did you kiss the fat lady like that every time you forgot the password?” You teased once you were able to find your voice.

“Only sometimes.” Fred teased back.

You rolled your eyes playfully before unwinding your hands from behind his head and finally, successfully unlocking your front door. You pulled Fred into the flat by his collar, dragging him all the way to your living room before dropping down onto the couch and shuffling to let him cuddle up behind you. 

For a few moments, you both laid tangled in each other’s arms, listening to nothing but his heartbeat. The sound was rhythmic, and you knew if you didn’t speak up soon you’d fall asleep any minute. But, you weren’t ready to fall asleep yet. You wanted to stay up, to talk to him, to tell him exactly what was on your mind. So, you shifted awkwardly and held yourself up on your forearms to gaze at him.

“‘m hungry.” You declared, your bottom lip jutting out into a pout as you put on your best puppy dog eyes.

“’s too late to order something.” Fred sighed. “Lemme go look at what you have in your fridge.”

You sat up to let him get up, resisting the urge to sigh at his absence. From the kitchen, you could hear the familiar clatter as he riffled through your pots and pans and opened and closed various cupboards. Somehow the sound was like the sweetest melody. It was like a soundtrack of pure bliss, a reminder that he was there, with you, and that you were happy. In the simplest terms.

You shifted to lay down on your back and stare up at your ceiling, breathing in what you could only describe as domestic bliss. You were so wrapped up in your thoughts that you didn’t even hear him re-enter the room, your focus only being drawn away when the couch shifted from his weight. He lifted your legs to rest in his lap, his hand lightly rubbing up and down your ankle at a soothing rhythm.

“Got a quesadilla cooking.” He declared, his eyes tracing up and down your figure as you moved to sit up and look at him.

“Couldn’t stay away from me long enough to watch it?” You teased lightly.

“Can you blame me?” Fred grinned at you, giving your ankle a light squeeze.

You giggled at the contact before sitting up further, swinging your legs around to straddle his waist. You let your arms rest around his neck, a dopey smile on your face as you fiddled with the short hairs there. Fred leaned forward and nuzzled his nose against yours, causing you both to giggle further. 

“You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?” Fred breathed out, bringing your foreheads to rest together. 

His words caused the familiar butterflies to erupt in your stomach, your smile widening even further. Some part of you knew this would be the perfect moment to tell him exactly how you felt. To tell him that your days are just a bit darker when he’s not around, and how he can make you laugh even when you want nothing more than to cry. You wanted to tell him how whenever he was gone on business trips, you could only fall asleep if you were wearing one of the old t-shirts he had left at your flat, or how you always seem to find something that made you think of him no matter where you were. But, your drunken brain was far from articulate, and your nerves seemed to have a firm grasp on your tongue, so instead, you simply pressed your lips to his.

Fred kissed you back passionately, and it was clear that neither of you minded that both of your mouths held the aftertastes of different alcohols. His lip glided along your bottom lip as his hands found your hips, steadying your movements. When you knocked your teeth together in the drunken kiss, you both pulled back for a moment to giggle, before the passion resumed.

Things seemed to carry on like that for several minutes, wanting nothing more than to be close to one another in every way possible, to be tangled up in anyway that you could, but having to pause every little bit to let out drunken giggles at the situation. You were certain no one had ever gotten you the way Fred Weasley got you, that no one could make you feel so comfortable, and that you were irrevocably in love with him.

Your sweet moment together was brought to a halt by the sound of a loud screeching coming from the kitchen. It took a moment for your brain to recognize it as the sound of your smoke alarm, but once it did you both were to your feet and rushing into the kitchen. Fred cursed under his breath at the clouds of smoke rising from the skillet and quickly set to turn off the burner. You grabbed a drying towel from the counter and began to wave it by the alarm, attempting to cease the godawful beeping it was letting out. After a few minutes, the sound did cease and the smoke cleared, allowing you to breathe a sigh of relief.

“It’s burnt.” Fred pouted, lifting the skillet to show you the blackened quesadilla. 

You weren’t sure if it was the childlike expression on his face or the fact that you both had entirely forgotten about it in the first place, but you couldn’t help but erupt into a fit of laughter. Fred looked at you for a moment as if he were offended by your giggling, before turning his attention the burnt quesadilla, then back to you, and beginning to laugh as well. It was all so absurd and truthfully far from funny, but in that moment, nothing could make you laugh harder.

Fred slid the quesadilla in the garbage before placing the skillet in the sink, resigning to washing it later. In the meantime, you had grabbed the bag of shredded cheese and hoisted yourself up on the counter, swinging your legs as you scooped out a handful of the cheese and began to eat it.

Fred turned and smiled fondly at your actions, crossing the kitchen to settle himself between your legs. He opened his mouth and you wordlessly registered what he was requesting, leaning forward to drop some of the cheese into his mouth. Both of you continued to giggle lightly, feeling nothing but elation as you remained in each other’s presence. 

You raised your hand to offer Fred a bit more of the cheese, smiling warmly when he opened his mouth to accept some. The two of you weren’t as in sync as you might normally be, considering your varying levels of intoxication, and as you dropped some of the cheese onto his tongue you were too slow to remove your hand and he was too quick to bite down, causing him to nip your finger lightly.

You pulled your hand back hastily and Fred’s eyes widened as if he had just mortally wounded you. He swallowed the remaining cheese in his mouth before speaking up, taking your hand in his to examine it.

“Did I hurt you? Are you okay? Merlin, I am so sorry. Are you bleeding? You must be bleeding.”

You weren’t. 

His rambling and concern for you caused you to tilt your head back and let out a loud bout of laughter. 

“‘m fine, Freddie.” You assured, leaning forward to press your lips to his and squash his worries. 

Fred brought your hand to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss to the finger he had just bit, nodding to himself after as if to convince himself that now you were fine. Truly, it was just about the cutest thing you had ever seen.

You spent the next few moments polishing off the bag of shredded cheese, Fred abundantly more careful not to nip your fingers anymore. You chatted lightly, talking about every drunk thing that crossed your mind. Once the cheese was gone Fred poured the both of you a glass of water, sloshing it around slightly as he tried to balance them both in one hand and extend the other to you. You hopped down from the counter and accepted his hand, allowing him to guide you back to your bedroom. He spilled nearly half of each water on the way, mostly on himself, but neither of you could find it in you to care. 

Once inside, you threw yourself down into the center of your bed, extending your hands out in a grabbing motion as Fred set the glasses on your nightstand. Neither of you could be bothered to change into pajamas, so you settled by kicking off your shoes and doing your best to get comfortable in the dress you sported. 

Fred kicked off his shoes as well before crawling over to you and collapsing nearly entirely on you. He laid on his stomach and wound his arms around your waist, his head finding the crook of your neck and pressing a few soft kisses there. You wound your arms around his neck, your legs tangling together. Truthfully, it wasn’t exactly comfortable, but you had him close, and that was all that mattered.

You listened to the sound of his breathing as he slowly drifted off to sleep. Your mind was screaming at you to say the words that had been plaguing you almost all night, before it was too late. Now was your chance.

But, then, you noticed that Fred’s breathing had shallowed significantly and light snores had begun to leave his lips. You breathed out a sigh of disappointment from missing your opportunity, mentally cursing yourself and your nerves.

As if the sleeping boy in your arms could read your thoughts, his grip around you tightened, holding onto you as if his life depended on it. The small action brought a smile to your lips as your eyes fluttered shut.

Perhaps you could wait to tell him that you loved him until the morning. Besides, some part of you was aware that he already knew.