#so you know cops wouldnt like him and hes seen some shit

[hecksupremechips]

Akihiko becoming a cop is something that simply doesn’t happen in the coma route cuz Shinji would see that shit and be like Aki what the actual hell is wrong with you

[nicomrade]

A genuine question here, but why do you dislike The First so much?

well its a weird thing to talk about cause really its the same reason why i dislike stolen lupin or any other low tier TV special. the real question is why other people liked it so much and i think its only because its such a pretty movie, its jaw dropingly gorgeous and the lupgang banter is great but just those 2 together isnt enough to make a good MOVIE. but it is enough that u can have a good TIME if u dont think about whats happening. thats the short version, its just a bad movie. sorry🐅

i purposefully havent been too frank when talking publicly about it (why i kept a mean tweet about it in drafts for literal years) but compared to the unlimited love it gets from the fandom it looks like thats enough for people to pick up that i dislike it so much lol. so lets talk about the first!

ill be brief on each point. that ancient technology thing it does w the eclipse? thats a bad trope. its a very very bad trope. its the atlantis conspiracy theory, its 1 throwaway line away from slipping into ancient aliens, they pull the same shit in a couple other TV specials and none of them are fondly remembered so hopefully we all know this plot point sucks and is racist. if not you can google it. lets move on

the nazis. after watchin harimao i said it was more anti-nazi than the first, idk if id stand by that cause i havent seen it again since but i mention it to put it in lupin context. generally if it isnt OK to have lupin scam an ex-nazi in part 2 ep 3 by disguising himself as hitler, whys it OK for lupin to steal from nazis by disguising himself as hitler? at no point is the movie actually anti-nazi (though i wouldnt call it pro-nazi either) and its fucking weird to see lupin disguised as hitler in modern lupin cause each time nazis show up in classic lupin everyone agrees its tasteless & overdone.

laetitia! TMS did a genius thing w her cause shes incredibly well written as a self-insert fic protag. it is very easy to watch the first & pretend u urself are best friends w the gang by projecting urself onto her. this doesnt balance out her lack of character it only helps the audience not care about it. compare her to mariya from tokyo crisis- one could be written out of her own movie and we only get info bout her to move the plot (the bad, boring plot) forward, one is essential to the core of her movie and shes realistically affected by the things that happened to her and makes believable connections with some of the gang. yay! a character!!

the movie is also very segmented between "plot scenes" and "lupgang banter scenes" you will notice everything fun about lupin STOPS when we are being explained Plot Elements. lupin talks to laetitia and its a boring nazi ancient treasure movie. then we get a scene thats not about the eclipse or laetitias grandpa or the nazis and all of a sudden its super fun !!!!!!! this is bad writing. lol. watch fuma & see how lupin at its best can blend comedy and plot and exploration and fun banter.

my personal experience w the movie! the first time i watched it i had to pause it cause i was bored out of my mind. iirc it was more or less when lupin gets on the eclipse ship thing n all banter stops cause its just him n the nazi dude n i realized hey this movie kinda sucks actually! i texted a friend about it n he was like. yeah having to force urself to finish it sounds like ure not enjoyin this movie. i did watch the first 3 or 4 times? i did gif it a lot. theres scenes i like (the banter) but it doesnt make it a good movie. like i said when i first wrote my personal review of it: "I think looking at gifsets of this would be more enjoyable than actually watching it". laetitia really embodies her movie in that sense, shes a really good character if you only look at her. she shares her name with all of her ancestors! just who is she? why is she wearing short shorts? why was she a cop? how old is she? then you realize theres nothing there

and ultimately this IS a reaction to it being an unpopular opinion. there are so many lupin entries a lot more worthwhile than the first (2019) that dont even get half of the hype. in my personal ranking its in the bottom 10 (tho ive skipped 2 specials so u can consider that the bottom 12). i genuinely dont like it but im not as vocal about lets say, angels tactics, because we usually agree thats a bad one- or at least we dont recommend it to newcomers. the first has a good reputation so i feel more strongly about it despite liking it more. i would be just as vocal about dragon of doom & voyage to danger if people talked to me about them more often. (and i have a much more coherent critique of dragon of doom lol)

so i dont really know how to explain why i dislike the first cause i just do; the same way u just dislike a bad part 2 episode, the same way most of the fandom just finds napoleons dictionary kind of boring. how do u explain why u dislike the nazi ancient tech self-insert npc girl movie- except by calling it just that? i guess i wasnt blinded by how pretty it is which makes me sound full of myself LOL. but its true a lot of animation can get away w god awful writing if its well animated enough- and if its too ugly no one will watch the best written animated movie. i love animation too and it has so much to offer and i want to see more done in the style of the first with the story of [insert your personal favorite TV special]. im glad it opened the door for vs cats eye to look that way (though lets not forget the 2012 3DCG lupin short!). but the WRITING the STORY the MEAT of the first just isnt any better than any other mid to low tier lupin TV special. is it really worth recommending the first as someones entry into lupin just because it looks pretty? is it really better than the anime that made the author reboot his own manga? why are we even still talking about the first?

[sortagaysortahigh]

ive seen some discourse on this and zoot can you do a character analysis of eddie? like the way you used to break down obx characters cos a lot of the headcannons i see of him are kind of mean, classist, and just seem so off character

Hi bby, ofc i can do a lil analysis on eddie however comma im gonna need some time as i’m about to go to the store, but i can give you some of my headcannons i use when i write eddie (and i aim to write him as in character as i can), some are sfw and some are nsfw

Random Eddie Munson Headcanons (ft Fem/Afab reader):

Total teddybear, tries to act tough but we all know he’s a big softie

Always gives you a discount bc you’re pretty, then you find out he’s only been giving you that specific discount-esp when your friend tries to buy from him

Total flirt, always flirting w the person he’s crushing on, and you just know he makes nerdy references when he does it too

bonus points when the person acc understands his references, he just swoons, definitely a heart eyes type mf

He smells like weed, menthol cigarettes, and a sprinkle of drugstore cologne

He definitely uses the 3 in 1 mens shampoos, and its green apple scented. + this mf probably uses irish spring bar soap

I doubt he uses chapstick frequently, then when he starts dating someone he’s constantly using it bc he loves making out

When in doubt he’ll use some of his partners lip gloss and if anyone asks him ab it he just says ‘can a man not kiss his lover?’

Eddie Munson is TOUCH STARVED and his love language is physical touch

He’s always holding his partner somehow, or caressing their skin, or just pulling them close bc hes one of the ‘i wanna be in your skin’ mfs

Also definitely play fights and wrestles w his partner, and i mean he will tackle you onto his bed for funsies

He’s hella goofy, like mans will always try to make people laugh whenever they look upset, definitely the type to shove fries in his nose when you’re not looking then wiggle his brows bc hes a big ass kid sometimes (but we love that ab him)

This man WILL wine and dine you even if it means rushing to make as many sales as possible within 2 days bc he wants your date to be special

He’s smart, like mega smart, you cannot DM a game of DND without being incredibly smart and creative

He’s good at math (once again DND relies heavily on numbers + being a drug dealer means you have to understand numbers) but bad w high school english, not bc he’s dumb but bc he gets bored easily and doesn’t care

He definitely got the silver pig ring from his dad, he probably wears it bc he associates it w the few good memories he has w him

He stole the handcuffs on his wall from Hopper, he and Hopper actually have a decent relationship bc jim knew his dad and we all know Jim has a soft spot for troubled teens

He tells Hopper that he’s “the only cop i wouldnt call a pig”

Anytime he gets arrested he asks for the sheriff specifically and 9/10 times jim lets him go w a shitty warning

Speaking of those handcuffs-he swears he’d never use them on someone and when asked why he definitely gets flustered then mumbles out ‘i dont have a key’

Buys handcuffs specifically for being freak nasty, even puts the key on a necklace that he gives to his partner (which they wear everyday bc its engraved w their initials in a little heart)

He definitely keeps a little cardboard box under his bed full of nasty magazines, some are like typical playboys and the others are heavy metal, then he has some straight up fantasy prnos that he doesn’t remember buying but still cherishes (hint he stole them)

The five finger discount is his best friend, this man isnt a klepto but he grew up poor and his familial influenced were all criminals until he started living w wayne so yk, he be stealin shit from time to time

Definitely steals lip gloss, hair ties, or other small ‘essentials’ for you and says he thought of you when he saw it

He grabs your hips anytime you bend over and humps you, ive seen other ppl say this one and its 110% accurate

Also an ass smacker/grabber-especially in shorts and skirts, but if its a skirt he slides his entire hand under it to grab your ass bc he will always be your lil pervy boyfriend

EDDIE MUNSON IS A BISEXUAL KING

Total perv, probably bc hes touch starved and just rlly into everything ab you. Looks up your skirt and down your shirt any chance he gets

I hate to say it i rlly do but i think he has a foot fetish, ive met my fair share of eddie munsons and they usually have foot fetishes

definitely asks you what color panties you have on while winking + panty thief + jerks off w your used panties

Hes 110% a switch, he likes being in charge but he loves it when you smack him around and pull his hair and deep down he likes begging for more

Ppl always go back and forth on fav sex positions but i just know in my soul he loves cowgirl, whether youre doing all the work or hes fucking into you, he just likes looking up at you bc “you look like a goddess”

He eats ass. I will not elaborate because i know im correct.

King of eating pussy in his van, anytime anywhere it gives “ill pull over rn” and hes deadass, he’ll even make you get on your hands and knees so he can eat it from the back when you two just finished arguing bc “i cant look at you rn” while he’s knuckle deep inside you w his tongue on your pussy

He’s a biter, and i mean sexually and just in general, he’ll leave bite marks on you during sex but even throughout the day he gets cuteness aggression and just be nibbling on you like a fuckin weirdo (we love him for that)

Flirts w your mom/dad to make them like you, usually he leans more towards your mom but will definitely slide a few compliments in to your dad

Puts a hand over your mouth so he can go down on you when he’s at yours and your parents are home or he gags you w your own panties (love our pervy king)

Only lets his partner touch his hair, he also cuts it himself every other saturday

Bonus for my poc readers: he oils your scalp!!!!!!! OR you start oiling his hair and he loves it when you do his hair, even makes an entire day out of it

Tries to get you to play DND, even designs little one shot campaigns for you to join in on and youre most likely playing w Dustin and Erica bc he said “they wont get frustrated with you”

When Dustin does get a lil frustrated when youre first learning Eddie lets Erica talk shit to him bc she has your back

OR If you already know how to play DND he swoons at your feet, definitely wants to beg you to join hellfire, practically makes it his mission and life purpose (esp if you arent dating yet)

He wants kids but he doesn’t know when, probably has doubts ab being a good dad bc “Munson men aren’t exactly angels” but w some reassurance and cuddling he feels better ab it

Definitely hates the idea of working a 9-5 for the rest of his life but would do it if he had a family and they needed him around.

All in all Eddie Munsons such a simp

[gxldencity]

4, 7 & 24 for the 🔥🔥 asks!

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

Tbh I don't have a last straw anymore. I use and abuse the block button liberally. If I see an annoying opinion, I block. Sometimes, I don't even finish reading the post because you usually can tell it's rancid from the first 2 lines.

I've blocked half a fandom at this point bc of the constant negativity. I simply don't care anymore. I'm here to have fun. If you take personal offense to that then that's your problem not mine.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Alngksgnw as you're said hate IS a strong word and I don't hate characters really unless there is a good reason for me to hate them.

So when I say I began to dislike Dorian Pavus after seeing how the fandom acted towards him, I don't hate him. I guess I do find him fascinating and relatable to an extent but I also don't think he's written perfectly as some people act like he is. Revisiting Dorian's quest as an adult with a fully developed brain and way more comfortable about my own queerness made me realize that I dislike how Dorian didn't really have agency whether to reconcile with his father or not. I know it's the point of The game to have a choice but Idk a bit more dialogue about the choice could've easily solved that problem for me.

I also have issues with Dorian's Indian coding lmao and have since felt like I was duped. It just feels like a cop-out? Like Gaider and team knew about the complaints people have about his comments wrt Asians in Thedas so they made him Asian—only mentioning it in a forum post or Twitter I think 🫠 so to this day ive seen people still surprised that he's Asian—without considering how to code him as Indian in the game.

Things like his clothing having some influences from the cultures in India or family structures and mannerisms. I mean it could be as simple as Indian coding the people of Quarinus so you don't just have this one Indian coded family in the entirety of Thedas. The Alexiuses could've also been Indian coded.

(An aside there's more layers to this like the unfortunate implications of coding a group of people who own slaves as poc but I could write a whole post about Dragon Age's attempts of trying to put Asians in this game)

Anyway, that's canon lol. Fandom makes this all worse. I could just point at the Orientalist depictions of Dorian in fanart and just end it here but nope it goes deeper. Somehow, Dorian attracted the worst kind of fandom. Like the Solas and Cullen stans maybe louder but I was there Gandalf. I was in the trenches. People were forming cliques around this one BNF and their friends. I was in the clique and it was all good until Tresspasser dropped.

You see this clique hated that Tresspasser ended with Dorian and the Inquisitor being in an LDR—because Dorian was off trying to fix a country—to the point where some of them acted like they broke up. Hello? Okay 1) That is such a poor reading on long distance relationships 2) Dorian...got a phone crystal for the Inquisitor, u know a tech that didn't exist in Thedas so they can stay in touch.

It also isn't enough that they didn't like it. Others have to Not like it as well. I remember talking to the BNF about my Inquisitor and Dorian, how they stayed in touch as Dorian was y'know trying to fix a country and the BNF told me that it was a depressing situation for my Inquisitor and Dorian...even though it isn't and they're perfectly happy.

(An side, not from this clique but I wouldnt be surprised if some of them also held this opinion but I saw some accusations from folks that Bioware is homophobic because Dorian and the Inquisitor are in an LDR. This is how batshit this fandom is).

Anyway, to keep it short, I was 19-20 when all of this happened. I probably said some stupid shit around that time but I should tell you these people were in their late 20s to early 30s. They were affected by a 19-20 year old with just a handful of followers saying stupid shit. They were so affected by the barely adult saying stupid shit that one of them stalked me, vagueposted about me and when I found out they were vagueposting about me, proceeded to gaslight me and told me I was the one stalking them. :)

Not only that, they also harassed one of my friends to not posting their fics ever again, harrassed a friend of a friend for trying to steal the BNF's spotlight 🙄. Come on some of you have fucking children.

I don't think I could look at Dorian in the same way which is a shame because for a time he was important to me but like God, it was rough.

I also have not forgotten nor forgave :) hence why I have the studio behind that chorus game or whatever it's called now blocked :) and would not be playing it. Do not care if David Gaider is the one writing it. I mean he kinda was the weakest link in that writing team imo (and I also hate his prose).

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Very cliche but anything to do with the mages and templars

[pesterloglog]

Jade Harley, Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider

Candy, page 9

JADE: arent you guys happy to get out of the house for once!!!

KARKAT: NO ACTUALLY.

KARKAT: I DON’T GET WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT IT. I CAN SEE THE SAME BULLSHIT FROM THE COMFORT OF MY HOUSE.

KARKAT: CHECK IT OUT. A GIANT BILLBOARD OF JAKE ENGLISH COMPLETE WITH A GYRATING MECHANICAL ASS.

KARKAT: WHAT A TOTALLY NECESSARY THING TO SHOVE RIGHT INTO MY GANDER BULBS.

KARKAT: DEFINITELY COULDN’T HAVE LIVED WITHOUT SEEING THAT.

DAVE: dude ok dont pretend you dont spend at least 15% of your day ogling jakes ass on television anyway

DAVE: in fact youre doing it right now

KARKAT: WELL I CAN’T HELP IT, DAVE, IT’S RIGHT FUCKING THERE.

KARKAT: OH MY GOD, ARE THE MECHANICAL GLUTES ON THAT BILLBOARD ACTUALLY PADDED WITH PLUSH TO MAKE THEM MORE LIFELIKE?

DAVE: yeah see crazed fans kept climbing the billboards to cop a feel so dirk designed the second run of them to have an accurate recreation of jakes butt density

KARKAT: HE DID WHAT?

DAVE: its wild dude its like exactly spot on

KARKAT: WAIT

KARKAT: HOLY FUCK, HAVE YOU ACTUALLY TOUCHED JAKE’S ASS???

DAVE: i mean not necessarily on purpose but who hasnt

DAVE: like i wouldnt say its so much that i touched his ass its more like his ass copped a feel of my sweaty palm one time and my poor fingers havent been the same since

DAVE: sometimes i wake up from a fevered sleep and find my reluctant groping hand huddled in the corner of my bed all shaking and shit

DAVE: the mind represses but the body remembers

DAVE: ive thought about taking my hand to a psychologist but i dont think the little guy is ready to talk about it yet

DAVE: anyway have you seriously never touched it

KARKAT: I HAVEN’T!

DAVE: not even by accident like brushing by in a crowded elevator

KARKAT: NO

KARKAT: I DON’T SPEND A LOT OF TIME STANDING IN ELEVATORS WITH JAKE FUCKING ENGLISH, OR FOR THAT MATTER, DOING MUCH OF ANYTHING WITH THE IDIOT, AS YOU WELL KNOW.

DAVE: what im hearing is youve tragically never touched his ass and its a bit of a sore subject with you

DAVE: is that why youre so obsessed with it

KARKAT: ?????

DAVE: do you wanna touch it

DAVE: shit can be arranged my dude

DAVE: here ill text dirk right now i bet he can pencil you in to cop a feel sometime next week

KARKAT: NO I DON’T WANT TO. PUT YOUR PHONE THE FUCK AWAY.

KARKAT: WE ARE NEVER HAVING A PLAYDATE WITH DIRK AND JAKE AGAIN, ESPECIALLY NOT ONE ARRANGED FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF ASSAULTING ONE OF THEM.

DAVE: dude jake lives for this shit

DAVE: its not assault if his ass is begging for it

DAVE: wait wow that sounded bad

DAVE: lets strike that one from the record

DAVE: anyway its no problem he literally will be delighted to hear you want to spend time with him for some insane reason

KARKAT: STOP TEXTING RIGHT NOW!!!

JADE: hey can we focus here?

JADE: jakes ass isnt the one you two should be talking about right now

KARKAT: OH MY GOD, JADE DO YOU EVER FUCKING STOP.

KARKAT: I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR ASS EITHER.

KARKAT: I’VE SEEN IT ABOUT AS MANY TIMES AS I’VE SEEN JAKE’S. THE NOVELTY HAS WORN OFF, ASSUMING THERE EVEN WAS MUCH TO BEGIN WITH.

JADE: thats NOT what im talking about...

DAVE: jade

DAVE: cmon what are you...

JADE: this is a DATE dummies!

KARKAT: NO, STOP!

DAVE: dude

JADE: no..... let me.... show you....

JADE: you have to... turn it... flipwise!

JADE: see i dont mind at all!

JADE: i would never try to break up what you two have.... im just trying to make it BETTER!

JADE: see isnt this perfect?

JADE: it could be like this all the time you know... the three of us in every combination

JADE: or whatever combinations you two are comfortable with

JADE: heheheheh.... positions too!!!

KARKAT: AUGH! DON’T DO THAT!

KARKAT: YOU KNOW I FUCKING HATE THAT!

JADE: dont worry karkat theres nothing to be scared of...

JADE: well take care of you... right dave?

KARKAT: OKAY THAT IS IT.

KARKAT: I AM DRAWING A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND RIGHT HERE AND NOW, JADE. YOU WILL CEASE THIS ENDLESS VIOLATION OF MY PERSON WITH YOUR MOUTH, FINGERS, AND OCCASIONALLY, YOUR FUCKING TAIL.

KARKAT: I AM NOT A PIECE OF MEAT THAT YOU CAN BRUTALLY AND VICIOUSLY MOLEST WHENEVER YOU’RE BORED.

JADE: brutally and viciously?????

JADE: :\

KARKAT: ALRIGHT, IT’S POSSIBLE I’M OVERREACTING. BUT THAT’S MY *FUCKING RIGHT* AS A FREE AND AUTONOMOUS PERSON WITH A CERTAIN DEGREE OF FUNDAMENTAL BODILY SOVEREIGNTY ENDOWED TO HIM BY THE GODS OF *MOTHER FUCKING CONSENT*.

DAVE: (mm hm)

JADE: sigh...

KARKAT: BUT I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M GETTING AT HERE, WHICH IS THAT I WANT YOU TO STOP DOING SHIT LIKE KISSING ME WITHOUT ASKING PERMISSION FIRST.

JADE: karkat youre absolutely right

JADE: and i couldnt agree more with you on issues of consent as everyone whos gotten to know me well enough is perfectly aware

JADE: BUT

JADE: im not the one who kissed you silly.....

KARKAT: WHA...?

JADE: it was.......DAVE!!!!!

DAVE: i what

JADE: you kissed karkat! finally!!!

DAVE: n

DAVE: no

DAVE: no i didnt

DAVE: why would i...

DAVE: i have no idea what youre talking about

DAVE: i would never

DAVE: youre wack jade im not

JADE: wack????

DAVE: why would i kiss karkat ive never even once thought about kissing karkat

DAVE: how would you even fucking do it

DAVE: hes so

DAVE: petite

KARKAT: I’M WHAT?!

DAVE: youre like

DAVE: ok yeah im gonna admit that was a weird thing to say and has got dick all to do with your kissability

KARKAT: GOD DAMN IT.

KARKAT: CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS YET??

DAVE: what i mean is like

DAVE: how could somebody kiss this guy

DAVE: like anybody

DAVE: when his teeth are so

KARKAT: WHEN MY TEETH ARE *FUCKING WHAT*?!

DAVE: dude

DAVE: theyre just

DAVE: like theyre huge and

DAVE: not always in your mouth

DAVE: so like how would a guy get his tongue in there

KARKAT: TONGUE??????????

DAVE: youd have to be really careful to like

DAVE: i mean if you were INTENDING to kiss karkat

DAVE: i mean its not like ive put any thought into this

DAVE: but youd have to be so careful like just so totally gentle in your approach to it because hes so

KARKAT: ENOUGH!

KARKAT: CEASE! I COMMAND YOU!

DAVE: you know

DAVE: like this

DAVE: idk im just spitballing and this is literally the first time the thought has like

DAVE: EVER popped in my head?

DAVE: but upon earnest reflection i dunno if im up to the task

DAVE: um

DAVE: im not

DAVE: i was never

DAVE: were not

DAVE: actually ya know what

DAVE: i dont have time for this

DAVE: peace dudes

JADE: wow RUDE!

JADE: siiigh. i forget sometimes how immature dave can be

JADE: well karkat i guess its just us.... do you still wanna go split a plateau of grub spaghetti at the noodle barn?

KARKAT: AH!! FUCK!!!

KARKAT: JADE!!

KARKAT: WOULD!

KARKAT: YOU!

KARKAT: FUCK! OUCH!

KARKAT: A LITTLE!

KARKAT: HELP?!

KARKAT: MAYBE?

KARKAT: AAUUUUGH!

KARKAT: FOR THE RECORD

KARKAT: JUST SO WE’RE BOTH CLEAR

KARKAT: THIS IS WHY I HATE LEAVING THE *FUCKING HOUSE*!!!!!!!

JADE: well i guess im eating grub spaghetti alone

JADE: *again*!!!

[winderlylandchime]

1/3 And we are officially at the last episode of S4! I actually cant believe this ngl. Just so you know: our parents told him to leave them alone with the fake gays because they were out on a date and our uncle is now invested into the i love you scene that is supposed to happen but ‘just please don’t tell your mom, i promised her I wouldn’t feed into this shit’ so basically one thing is for sure: we are all equally scared of our mom when it comes to the show but only my brother has zero fucks about it. ‘Okay, i am ready! So this is what I need to happen: Blondie goes to Canada or whatever to surprise them, Brian tells him he loves him after he finishes the ride. And..that’s kinda all I care about’ ‘oh god, did they actually make them ride across Canada?! Id quit. GO BRIAN! I now have a weird urge to put on a silly outfit and some pride flags and ride a bike. GO BRI BRI!’ And we are at the border scene ‘wow a cop being a homophobe? Never seen that before. AW BRIAN IS BEING ALL CUTE AND SUPPORTIVE! I fucking love him’ ‘ugh HES STILL IN LA?! I THOUGHT WE WERE ON OUR WAY BACK BLONDIE! Blondie please go home because this is killing me. I need Brian and Justin back together pleaseeeee, this is ruining my mood. HE HAS A MOVIE IN THE MAKING!! Now go back to your man! NO YOU FUCKING ASS DONT CANCEL HIS FLIGHT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING SHIT! BLONDIE NO! HE CAN CELEBRATE WITH HIS MAN!’ And we are at the barn scene. ‘Aw Teddy, you’ll be okay without the meeting. You have Emy!’ Brian just brought the cake ‘AWWW BRIAN GOT THEM A CAKE! AWWW TO THE NOVOTNEY BRUCKNERS! AND A….band. HE DOES CARE! HE FUCKING CARES SO MUCH! This is growth baby! I am so close to him confessing his love! AND HES DANCING! YEAAAAH BABY I AM FINALLY WINNING THIS EPISODE FOR SURE!’ ‘Emmett is taking Ted to an AA meeting! AW! This finale is all about friends and love and growth! I fucking love this! Now bring me blondie back!’ And the scene where Brian falls is about to happen ‘look at Bri Bri..(repeats after Mikey) you are dude? What the fuck is up with Mike? Brian.. OH MY GOD BRIAN! IS HE OKAY?! HE BROKE WHAT?! This wouldnt happen with Blondie! So cancer AND a broken bone?!’ ‘Oh fuck she went into labor? Well fuck. I guess we will have two big events this episode. A baby and i love you’ (honestly his delusion is inspiring) ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS BRIAN DOING?! GET OFF THE FUCKING BIKE! Tell him Mike! Brian what kind of pissing contest are you in?!’ ‘WHY HASNT ANYONE TOLD JUSTIN?! JUSTIN GO HOME! I hate la. Blondie, go home your man is injured…again.. STAY?! NO. GO HOME BLONDIE. Wait what is happening?! NO NO NO NO SIX-EIGHT MONTHS?! BUT BRIAN! and who is this actor dude? FUCK THIS PLACE! Blondie go home, your man is injured!’ He is completely stressed out at the idea of Justin in LA. I am talking stressed out as if it’s happening to him. ‘Oh Ted and Emy are lost. Well shit, this would be us. He’s doing a meeting! This is why i love them as friends. I fucking love Emmett!’ ‘BRIAN IS NOT ACTUALLY RIDING THE FUCKING RIDE WITH ONE HAND. BABY COME ON! *he is sitting on the edge of the couch with his hands in his hair stressed out* Why is he doing this to himself? And to ME?! What is he trying to prove? Blondie would’ve collected his ass by now and had him in a car but nooooo he has to be in fucking LA. Fuck LA. Brian you are killing me and breaking my heart. And this fucking song doesnt help!’ And Brian starts hallucinating ‘wait..is he imagining himself.. judging him? What? BLONDIE *starts to kick his feet like a little kid* OH MY GOD HE IS IMAGINING JUSTIN CHEERING HIM ON?! OH MY FUCKING GOD YES! And Bri Bri, I am standing right there next to him! HE IS SO TOTALLY TELLING HIM HE LOVES HIM! Fucking LA ruined everything this episode. What is he trying to prove? Brian come on’

Okay please don’t tell your mom I exist because I’m legit scared of her too and I don’t want her to know about my role in encouraging this madness.

Your brother yelling at the screen during this episode is everything.

Emmett making an AA meeting for Ted always makes me cry. He really is the purest kindest soul on this show.

LA ruined everything in THIS episode? Oh god, he will not survive S5.

Also Brian with the bike helmet… it’s like hair and makeup wanted Brian to still have a hairstyle under the helmet and stuck those pieces of hair out and it totally bothers me. It’s a small pet peeve.

[magnoliamyrrh]

Ignore if to personal but how do you get Sade drugs to have trips with? So many things is tainted nowadays and you can't really trust the dealers

safe drugs? well yes you are right, it is an issue. this is a big reason why i dont do any pills or powders or anything like that, i wouldnt rly anyway bc the last thing i need is an addiction or to fuck up my brain, but you can't be sure today those things are real, pure, and not cut with god knows what - wayyyy too many cases of people dying. i personally would highly reccomend staying away from anything like that - ive had friends who did cocaine and molly and stopped bc they became too afraid that it wouldn't be pure or cut w fetenyl or shit. also met plenty of teenagers in psych wards who ended up there bc of "party pills" who ended up blacking out or having bad reactions. from what im getting, its very very hard to get any sort of pill, powder, etc which is pure nowadays, and its only getting worse. this is part of why i havent done acid in a long time either; technically theres a chance its not pure, you dont know who made it, and you dont rly know a proper dosage for it either - the dosage is an approximation and theres a chance its much higher than you think; its happened plenty of times w me. its not that id reccomend not doing acid - some ppl like it more than shrooms, and the first time i tripped i took acid bc its much cheaper than shrooms, and ive done it 7-10ish times - but rather, be aware that there is a bit of an added risk

shrooms & acid i used to get from my uni, its known to be a campus thats into psychadelics (old hippy town and all)- many grow them and they grow in the forests too naturally. they've been decriminilized, but selling them is still illegall. i used to know dealers through friends that i trusted and bought from before, and some of them i was friends w myself and knew what they were selling was fine bc they took it themselves. some of them were grown by said dealers and i considered this to be safe; others from what i know were bought and shipped from the dark web and yes, this is absolutely a risk to take - ive been lucky so far that in the,,, idk 40/50+ times ive done shrooms, i have yet to take anything which i had any suspicion was not pure. with shrooms its technically safer - you can see exactly what they are - but if someone wanted to be a real asshole they could technically put something on them, or cross contamination with some power or liquid could happen. personally, i have not seen this though, and outside of having the bad luck of accidents or coming across someone with pure malice, i dont understand why anyone would spike shrooms. i would reccoment always looking at them very well though, sniffing them, etc, and if you want to be extra safe, taking only a very small dosage of them at first to see if you have any weird reaction. ive also met drug dealers who only sell shrooms, acid, and weed, because they consider pills or hard drugs to be immoral and harmful to sell, and they consider themselves to be providing a important service by selling these things, and those ones i trust

rn i dont know anyone up here; i have a dealer down south who i know through friends, hes extended family with one of them and theyve known him for years on end, so i trust him. thats my source rn. id say this is the safest sort of dealer you can know - one who you have friends who can vouch for them and have used their stuff. but there is still always a risk with any dealer, and in any case that you dont grow and cultivate them yourself. if you or your friends know any weed dealer, id also say you can ask them if they sell shrooms, if they know anyone who does, or if they can get them for you

i wouldnt reccoment buying shit off of the internet or dark web from those you dont know- ive known people who have done it and gotten away with it, yes, but it is a risk - one of them also ended up getting severe paranoia that the cops would catch him and threw all the drugs he spend money on away ,,, so idk. its risky. could work out, ive heard of it working out, but its risky not only w the law (tho again know plenty who got away) and id say the chances of it being not pure increse compared to irl. if you have to buy off of the web, id reccomend buying spores and growing them yourself - worse that can happen then is you dont end up with shrooms but normal mushrooms or in some insane case poisonous mushrooms. i have heard plenty abt ppl buying spores online and growing them successfully. id say finding people on reddit or forums is safer quality wise than the dark web, legally i have no idea. i will also say from,,,,, personal experience i have shipped to friends within the state weed in the mail (much easier to detect than shrooms) and one time traveled with weed oil internationally and didnt get caught - so its definitely possible to get away with it, especially shrooms or spores or shroom capsules, if theyre properly packaged (it just kinda turns you into a bit of a nervous wreck)

theres also some other places - there is a "psychadelic church" in oakland california which is the only place in america "legally" allowed to give out shrooms; they claim its their religious freedom to do so. they did end up getting a fbi visit, not surprising since they operate in a weird gray area - but theyre still giving them out and most ppl i have heard say very good things abt them; consistent, safe, trustworthy etc. if youre in a surrounding state or cali and got the money, you could plan a visit and this would likely be a very safe way to aquire them; theres some other nice things to see in this area too, forests, national parks, the beaches, san francisco

if you live in a state (or country) which has legalized weed, you can also go to the weed fairs and festivals which happen at times and ask around - ive been told several times by plenty of ppl that this is one way to get in touch with someone; its not "on the face," its hush hush a bit, but ask around and you are likely to find something. if youre in america or europe in a place which hasnt legalized weed, and you've got the money, you could set up a trip to one of the places which has. if you're in europe as well and can amsterdam is probably the easiest bet of a place where you could find them

another option could be medical trials, if you live in a place which allows them. never done it myself and...... i dont know how much id reccomend tripping in a medical setting (i cant imagine it) but some have done it - youd also potentially get payed, and be part of the process of trying to destigmagize shrooms and acid and show their positive effects! you could also try, if they exist in your area, those who advertise themselves as doing shrooms therapy, being doctors or therapists and using shrooms as part of their practice, or shamans - dig online and you may find. this is how my aunt is currently getting shrooms rn, both for microdosing and for tripping. Illinois is or has legalized shrooms to treat mental illnesses, colorado has legalized shrooms, areas of cali have decriminilized them, from what i know theyre semi-legal in canad, and trials are happening in several places; this may be a way which may work too

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[moistmailman]

Robin Hood AU

Weiss, yawning: Morning, Klein.

Klein: Good Morning, Missy. Your breakfast is waiting for you on the table.

Weiss, smiling: Thanks.

Klein: Fair warning though. I will avoid your father for the day. He's a real bad mood.

Weiss: Like usual. What's eating him this time?

Klein: It appears that his second house was burglarized last evening, and he lost thousands of dollars in stuff.

Weiss: Oh damn. Really?

Klein: Yep. He’s been in a sour mood all morning. If I use say, it’s quite humorous in a way.

Weiss, chuckling: So avoid my father all day. Got it.

Klein: Actually he won’t be in the house for that long. He’s going to spend the weekend at the second house to take inventory, so that’s a relief.

Weiss: So some lucky guy out there stoke thousands of dollars from my father? Hope he buys something good with that money.

Klein: Hope she, madam.

Weiss: Hmm?

Klein: We already know who stole the money.

Weiss: What? Who?

Klein: Pyrrha Nikos.

Weiss: Who?

Klein: She’s an upcoming criminal master mind that steal from the very rich, yet never profit from any of it.

Weiss: What do you mean?

Klein: She apparently gives everything she ever steals to poor neighborhoods, and never keep a dime for herself. She’s really good at covering her tracks too, because they are never able to track what neighborhood she sent the money too.

Weiss: Sounds like some sort of folk tale hero. Has anyone even seen her?

Klein: Ah Yes. There are some police sketches of the woman. I’m sure you can find them online somewhere.

Weiss, shrugging: Okay then. *Pull our scroll and starts typing in the name*

Weiss: Tsk Tsk, lets see, Hmm......whoa!? Is this her?!

Klein: Yes. That’s the one.

Weiss, blushing: Holy shit. She’s....so so fucking hot. My god.

Klein: She’s been stealing from rich people since—

Weiss: I mean, look at her face! It’s flawless! And don’t even get my started on her body! My God! What I wouldn't do to spend a night with this woman! *Bites lip*

Klein:.....madam?

Weiss, out of her stupor: Huh?

Klein: Are you alright?

Weiss, blushing: O-oh, yeah. Sorry.

Klein: Anyway, your father had told to tell you to make sure every one of our windows are locked tight tonight, just in case Pyrrha Nikos try to break into this house, since your father won't be here.

Weiss: Lock all the windows? You really think she'd be bold enough to break into an occupied mansion?

Klein: She's done it before. The CEO of Amazonian reported thousands of dollars missing from safe one morning, and he knew it was there yesterday, since he counted it then.

Weiss: Wow, she must be really good then.

Klein: She is. So make sure you know keep every window locked.

Weiss: Got it.

*ABRUBT CUTAWAY LATER, AT NIGHT*

Weiss: *immediately opens her bedroom window*

Weiss, smiling eagerly: Please show up! Please show up! Please show up!

*LATER*

Pyrrha, climbing through the window: *quietly* Guess they forgot to close one of the hundreds of windows here— what the?

*Pyrrha looks on the ground before entering to see hundreds of rose petals littering the floor*

Pyrrha: Uh.......

*Pyrrha slowly follows the trails of rose buds to see it leads to the bed, which had Weiss in it, wearing a skimpy night dress*

Pyrrha, blushing: W-what?

Weiss, feigning fear: Oh no. It's Pyrrha Nikos. What ever will I do. I sure hope you don't take advantage of a girl like me.

Pyrrha, blushing even more: *trying and failing not to stare* W-what?!

Weiss, feigning fear: And I really hope you don't find the handcuffs that are in my nightstand, because my bed frame is sturdy enough to keep me in place.

Pyrrha: What?!

Weiss, feigning fear: I please Lord don't find that riding crop that is right behind you on my dresser. The black leather one right there ungaurded.

Pyrrha, face on fire: W-what on Earth is going on— I wouldn't do any of that to you!

Weiss, frowning: What? Why not?

Pyrrha, confused: W-what?

Weiss: Why wouldn't you? A-am I not pretty enough?

Pyrrha: What? I came here for—

Weiss: Are my boobs too small, or am I too short? Do you hate white hair?

Pyrrha: No! I never said that!

Weiss: Then why won't you punish me for being a bad rich girl!

Pyrrha: Because I— what is going on?! What is happening right now?! I was not anticipating anything like this when I climbed through that window! I have literally no idea how to handle this situation.

Weiss: You can start by railing me into submission.

Pyrrha: I was planning on robbing your house! Why would you want that?! Shouldn't you call the cops?!

Weiss: No! And because this is my father's house not mine, I'm lonely and needy, and you're very attractive. Now please rail me!

Pyrrha: I-I'm not going- *shakes head to get rid of lewd thoughts* I'm not going to do that!

Weiss:....I sense hesitation in your voice. You're thinking about it, aren't you? I know we both must have needs.

Pyrrha, face matching her hair: N-no! I-I w-would nev— no! I'm not!

Weiss: Look, I know that robbing rich people can be a very stressful job, right? Any night you can be caught and put in jail for the rest of your life.

Pyrrha:......yes...

Weiss: So how about I help you....'get rid' of that pent of stress of yours then?

Pyrrha, blushing madly:.........

Weiss: Wouldnt you want to get rid of that stress of yours? It's the silent killer after all. I can help with that all night long~

Pyrrha:..........

Weiss:......these rooms are sound proof by the way. So you can be as rough as you want~

Pyrrha:........*walks away*

Weiss: *frowns*

Pyrrha: *Walks towards riding crop and picks it up*

Weiss: *smiles*

Pyrrha, serious voice: Comm'ere.

Weiss, smiling happily: Oh my God! This is even hotter than I imagined!

*MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER ROOM*

Willow, lying in bed with a skimpy night dress on, with her window wide open:.........I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.

[angeloncewas]

yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

[ancharan]

What did Madara think about Obito? I never could tell. Did he think he was a brat?

honestly this is a gonna be a weird one anon but

by the time madara meets obito in canon - like, crushed under a rock obito and old man madara - i think he’s so far gone from the concept of actually forming connections to human beings that he literally just does not care if obito lives or dies? like, madara, by this point, has explicitly said that he views the current world as a distraction from the world to come. everything he does now is for the sake of bringing about the eternal tsukyomi. madara’s been literally deliberately isolating himself in a cave for the past 80 years and meditating on the transience of the human experience. he’s been killed by the only man he ever loved, he’s cut off every tie he’s ever had with any other human being, and - as far as anyone knows - he is dead. he’s the ghost of the uchiha. madara is running out of time. he needs obito for his plans - failing that, another agent who can carry out his will under his name - because he’s old as hell and he’s dying. he’s been surviving out of sheer necessity, bc he has to see this plan through to the end - if the world isn’t granted the eternal tsukyomi then it means everything he fought and sacrificed for was done in vain. it would mean that he broke hashirama’s heart for nothing. so yeah, madara probably has bigger things on his mind when obito’s in the cave than whether or not the kid was annoying him. i think he probably felt bad for him. not just bc his friend died and his other friend got Trauma (tm), but bc obito still hadn’t come to the same realization madara had. obito still had the capacity to feel pain, which was something madara had forced hashirama to carve out of him at the valley of the end (because how could anything hurt madara now, after that?”) i think the pity madara feels for obito is the same pity he feels for all mankind, because they haven’t seen what he’s seen, and they don’t know that there is a solution. they’re still lashed to the karmic wheel, whereas madara’s broken free. that’s why he can justify doing things like (somehow) arranging for rin to be captured by the rain or whoever and kakashi having a Trauma Moment (tm) which triggers obito’s own Trauma Moment (tm)

(ignoring the fact that this entire setup is fucking ridiculous, i know madara cops to it in canon, but how the fuck did this dead man arrange for the capture of this girl and somehow convince this city-state to put their bijuu in her as some kind of suicide bomb, that’s such a stupid fucking twist of conjecture, how the hell did he - he’s tied to the fucking god tree it makes no sense)

when he’s reincarnated, i think that’s a different story, lol. the first thing madara does when he comes back is say how pissed he is that obito fucked everything up so badly. there wasn’t supposed to be a war, he wasn’t supposed to come back as an edo tensei, hashirama wasn’t supposed to be there - it’s all a mess. so madara at this point probably views obito as a (kind of inept) subordinate. someone you gave the keys to your house while you were on vacation, and u asked them to feed the dog, and when you come back not only is your dog gone but there’s a fucking cockatiel in the living room and when u ask him “what did you do with my dog” he just points at the cockatiel and is like “but this is what u wanted right” and ur like NO i just wanted u to take care of things while i was gone and hes like “but i DID” and it just goes downhill from there

but yeah no again, i think during the 4th shinobi war madara sees obito as a chess piece to be used to bring about his reincarnation - and that’s it. he just keeps doing shit, tho, and its honestly pissing madara off bc obito’s not supposed to consume the bijuu, obito’s not supposed to succumb to the talk-no-jutsu, obito DEFINITELY isnt supposed to try and betray him at the last second

if we’re talking personality-wise, in an au that DOESN’T involve madara disassociating so hard it summons a moon god, i honestly think he’d be like. a cool scary uncle to child obito. bc one of my more Controversial Madara Theories is that he’s actually okay w kids? like, only on his side. he, personally, has no problem w kids. (kids just have a problem w him bc he’s fucking terrifying lmao it’s uchiha madara). but once obito (as a child) gets over that, i feel like madara and him would get up to some Schemes. madara would not only help obito graffiti the hokage monument, but he would buy him the paints to do so. it’s a chakra exercise in walking on cliffs, lmao. as an adult obito, i think madara would have an okay working relationship w him? i don’t think he’d be super close w him for the same reason madara isn’t super close with anybody: he’s too fucking powerful to make meaningful human connections with people who aren’t senju hashirama. he literally has nothing in common with this dude lmao. i think he wouldnt dislike him? madara likes it when ppl look up to him, and i think obito would look up to him in the right conditions, so there’s some foundation for a relationship there. honestly, at the end of it all, i think the Peak madara-obito relationship is “Cool Scary Uncle” and “Too Friendly and Incompetent To Survive On His Own Nephew”

[spitefulqueenofdemons]

https://spitefulqueenofdemons.tumblr.com/post/643713435650113536/sleep-deprived part 2

Pushing Up Daisies chapter 3

Tw: language, murder, guns, cops, mentions of drugs

Word count: 1373

Summary: After having woken up tied to a chunk of concrete under water and doing an unspeakable act (for your survival??) You find yourself out of options and people to help. Well almost, the only one you think might be able to help is the one who got you in this situation in the first place

After a long shower and several hours on the internet searching for anything that could tell you what was going on. Apart from a few hundred movies and books with undead content the most concrete actual zombie anything you could find was mostly about the voodoo dust that people used to put others under control. And back in the 18, and 1900s people accidentally being buried alive. 

There was virtually nothing about zombies in Seattle. All you knew for sure was what had happened to you. You confronted Blaine, he grabbed you, shot you, dumped you in a lake and you woke up you dont know how long after underwater with no need to breath. 

As you thought and absently read yet another article about 'Haitian Zombies' you rubbed your hand against your wrist that Blaine had grabbed you with. The scratch marks on your arm were as faint as old scars but you could feel them still.

And just like that realization hit. The red eyes made sense. Blaine was a zombie, and that lady who was working the front counter probably was too. It had to be some sort of virus or something that could be transferred through scratch. The teenager in you was thrilled that zombies were real and not mindless corpses that just wandered around destroying everything it came across. Sure when you first emerged from the lake you couldnt control yourself and killed that poor innocent man but you were literally starving. 

Perhaps that was the down side. The hunger is enough to blind you from any moral standing. Even more unfortunate, you didnt know how long what brains you did eat earlier would keep you satiated and you didnt have a way to get more without committing more murder. You didnt know anything about the zombieism other than the scratch causes it. 

You really only had an one option. Go back to Blaine. He had options. Once you got there he could kill you, or turn you away, or kill you. You had gone in only, according to your microwave, 8 hours ago guns blazing accusing him of being a utopium dealer. How could you expect him to help. 

Now you also knew you couldnt go to the police. As an officer you knew they would either freak out or hide it. And by hiding it you knew that would mean hiding you, IE killing you and sweeping it under the rug. They might turn you over to some higher part of the government. The type that does a bunch of invasive and usually very painful experiments and research. 

You could just drop it. Leave town and change your name. But then again that brings up the issue of how will you eat? Murder is just too horrible an option for you. Grave robbing coukd be viable but half decomposed chemically drowned brain is almost as bad as the moral stand still of murder. 

Deciding on your course of action you breezed to your closet, choosing a simple black hoodie, dark jeans and boots, and a ball cap to hide your snowy hair to wear. You grabbed a glock 19. Not the gun you had when you went to visit Blaine in the first place. That one was gone, probably in Debeers' personal stash now. This time though if he pulled so would you. 

Without a vehicle, you assumed it would no longer be parked where you left it in front of MEATchute, you were instead forced to catch a bus to the opposite side of town. The open sign was off but you could see people behind the counter. It looked like they were counting the drawer.

You beat on the glass with an open palm, hard enough for it to make a lot of noise but not hard enough to shatter the glass. The older woman from when you first came was the one to open the door. She looked like she had seen a ghost, but still somehow like she didnt care. 

"Cant you read the sign? We are closed. That means you dont have to go home but you sure as shit cant stay here." She half growled. 

You rolled your eyes, half willing to punch her in the face if she wanted to get cocky. "Move. Wheres Debeers?" You demanded, eyes flashing past the stumpy woman and to the counter where a large man with dark hair stood sizing you up. "You," you said. You recognized him as one of the names that gave a name that then gave you Debeers. "You work for him. I shouldnt be surprised." 

He cocked an eyebrow. "Cissie, let her through." The man said. He looked like a knock off version of Patrick Warburton. "You are supposed to be dead little lady. You got lungs of steal or are you one of us?" 

You scoffed, wanting to hit them all. You knew it wasnt a part of the zombieism either. These fuckers were all instrumental in your death. That enough was reason for a slight beating. "I got nothing to say to you Julian. I'm here for Blaine and I'm not leaving till I get to talk to him." You demanded, stomping up to the counter. 

The man sighed as if this was one of the last things he wanted to deal with. "Well he isnt here but I'll call him. See if he wants to talk to you. Follow me." He said, gesturing to you. 

Not exactly happy, but pleased you were getting what you want, you followed the man behind the counter. He took you further into the building and finally into a room off the kitchen that actually looked like a real office. The large mahogany desk was a mess with files and papers, on top of them all was the stolen file from your apartment. There was a few random art pieces. 

"Wait here. Someone will be by soon." He instructed, leaving you in the room alone. Trusting that you wouldnt snoop. Normally you would but this situation was not the time. You needed help, and had already pissed off two of the three people you knew had a hand in that. Snooping through Blaine's real office would be like flipping the bird after you already spit on and slapped someone. Definitely not a good idea on your part. 

It took less than 20 minutes before the door opened again and a familiar blond haired blue eyed gangster opened the door. "Ah Detective. What an unpleasant surprise. I didnt know you walked amongst the undead." He said with an air of genuine shock. "When Julian told me I really didnt believe him. You took those bullets like a mortal. What happened?" 

You laid out your wrist on the desk, the marks almost completely gone. He crossed to the other side and sat down, moving the little lamp that was sitting at the corner of the table. He shone the lamp over my arm and the little pink marks showed up. 

Blaine 'tsk'ed. "Was it me?" He had a fake look of disgust on his face. "It was me wasnt it. Damn it, I knew I shouldnt have blown off my manicure appointment this morning." He shook his head. "Thats why you arent dead. You gotta be starving though. Would you like a snack? Pudding? Crackers and cheese? Brains?" He questioned. 

You looked at the mark on your wrist in the light, your jaw clenched a little. "No thanks I already ate, but that is part of what I would like to discus." 

At that his eyes widened with actual shock. "Um, you already ate? Did you kill someone or dig up a body?" When I didnt answer he nodded knowingly. "You killed someone. Oh I bet that was a sight. Sorry about the cinderblock by the way. I didnt think you would be waking up. Im sure it wasnt the best alarm." 

You scoffed, a little thankful he stopped asking about your food source. "Waking up underwater was definitely a new experience, but then again so far my whole evening has been new experiences." You told him. 

"Well, allow me to formally welcome you to the land of Zombies. I'll explain everything."

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 3, 2019 // the trial

(TW SUICIDE)

it's the reveal!!!! love that for her hope shes thriving (shes not) again w the two minutes of the next episode to sync the dates

-lmaoooo so i honestly wonder why they went for the full pulling-it-out-the-throat thing but idk (an interesting foil to her getting sick for more stereotypical reasons ie s2 "people find out theyre grandparents every day"

-I LOVE THIS GEORGE HAIR

-"i'd do anything for nancy" okay but....why 👀bit of an odd reaction imo

-bess with spilling the truth again 😂and gets shot down. tragic #shetried

-wait sooooo nobody tested the fingerprints on the knife when this shit happened?? or that tech didnt exist in 2000? i mean without a body how could they even call it murder? and who told the police?? like if the drews took the baby, the dress, and said nothing, who tells the cops shes missing or even dead? how did they know to search the bluffs? who told the media/public? it had to have happened that same night because ryan said when he got there later there were already rumors she was killed. after the baby and bloody dress, only her crown, a knife, and tire tracks were left. how did anyone find anything at this remote bluff without some kind of tip off? and why on earth would they think murder and not suicide with so little evidence?? thats gotta be like suicide central, sorry for the trigger

-"a little help, lucy?!" lucy seems unable to disobey a direct request from nancy (ie "lucy, stop" from later in the ep) when nancy speaks directly to her. so maybe if nancy had spoken aloud/engaged more lucy could have appeared more? nancy said she only comes around when she wants to but what if nancy herself could do a bit more, being the last thing lucy touched and all

-so in ep 2 when nancys in jail carson says "great grandma rosalind buried her valuables in the trunk" including the knives shown here. did carson and kates families even know about nancy? how did they explain not announcing a pregnancy or birth?

-"oh." john lmfaoooo

-BESS lmaoooo and ace's looks in the background and then at seeing nick approaching lmfaooo oh no / also why on earth is she apologizing?? he dumped her but she has to be sorry he found out she fucked someone else? someone nicer pls explain to me bc i dont get it. she dont owe him shit

-george is SO CUTE lmfaoooo and so forward and he was so shook but then he was like "oh hell yeah"

-"is he a vampire?!" ik nobody i knew got that reference 😂

-this entire search of the claw is a sham. what are they even looking for. clearly a set up by tamura but why/what does he suspect them of. esp w karen as accomplice, story should be airtight so why are they still investigating?

-john + ace dream team 💙

-god ace is such a yes-man. why is he so fucking loyal?? people like him are insane. how are they real. i suspect they arent. and no matter what you do you are never worthy of their unending loyalty anyway.

-so in the Good Place nancy was the one who had the key but in reality its ryan

-wonder if lucy's listening to ryan here talking about his love and grief for her

-"you were throwing away your future on a nothing girl" - nancy & ryan - their fathers dont want them to see "troubled" kids, want them to focus on school instead --> which they both struggle with and eventually do not achieve (maybe bc they want their kids to leave horseshoe bay?) for nancy its an interesting vice for someone whos really a goody two shoes/for ryan its subverted bc karen actually did worse than him ie committed real crimes

-"stay away from my family" surprise bitch bet you thought youd seen the last of me 😉

-interestingly, ryan probably would have agreed with karen about switching the ballot boxes but he wouldnt have really understood the social consequences. both josh and karen are determined to see ryan as the bad guy when actually he didnt do anything, they did. 🤔

-karen is such a ride or die friend. again w the loyalty. if someone swapped ballot boxes for me i'd be touched. im sure going into active labor made lucy a bit upset but damn. what a friend.

-wonder when nancy starts calling her "Lucy" instead of "dead lucy"

-lucy primarily haunting her own house/love seeing this house overtaken by nature

-the concept of writing things down : starting from the first ep, nancy's journal (then and now), writing out simon cards, similar cemetary cards in the Good Place, "beautiful minding it," culminating in lucy's journal / writing it down to help figure it out/when theres too much going on to keep it inside

-"i'll make a salad" NICK LMAOOO

-wonder what happened to carson's old lawyer?

-"my testimony begins in the summer of 1999" because your story always starts with your mother's story

-lmfaoooooo this shit taking the stand is soooo never allowed but oh well

-"she stole a knife" and carson's face lmfaooooo he knows its not true but what could he fucking say?? no?

-"i love you mom, i hope you never find this." ironic bc nancy didnt want her dad to find her journal either

-lucy never wanted anyone to find out how she died d/t shame- but she didnt want carson to go to jail for it so she finally allowed it (or just couldnt refuse nancy asking)

-"i'm sorry for what you lost"/"i'm never gonna be free from them"

-awww ace/mcginnis goodbye / i wonder if ace is nervous thinking about tamura --> ace's dad since chief mcginnis covered for ace out of respect for his dads sacrifice but tamura would throw both ace and his dad under the bus just to get at nancy (get at her via ace? since he was already used as the blackmail plot device? they kinda touched in this in s2 but not fully)

-okay sooo why are they still doing this forensic analysis thing? like the whole things over so whats the point. i wonder if john had packed up and gone home what coulda happened

-nancy/carson - interrupted moments:

•family dinner interrupted by nancy's accsations

•being home after finding ted interrupted by carson's arrest

•celebration of dropped charges interrupted by nancy discovering the truth about her parentage

-"i cooked your favorite to celebrate" ironic bc shes upset that hes not her "real" dad but he IS because he knows her best. like theyre literally proving it right in front of her. vs ryan whom she doesnt really want anyway AND rejects requests to get to know her. like come on sis. his 20 years of parenting you arent going away, ever. deal w it.

-carson's little smile before he said "'mom never hurt lucy" like he knows this is the end / scott's acting here just kills me

~~~~~~~~~

-why did the drews come back at all? and why did kate really keep the dress? carson says she did it as a link to lucy, but did kate want to keep it to be connected to lucy? or did she bury it to keep lucy repressed? is this a positive or a negative? +keeping in attic - did lucy start to haunt kate, so she unburied the dress?

and lastly:

-why doesnt lucy haunt everett and celia hudson? she kind of does ie painting but only when nancy visits bc shes actually haunting nancy. isnt everything the hudsons' fault?

[minniewoos]

Mafia! Bang Chan➣ Headcanons

first and foremost, his word is law

and so chan is not as man to be messed with

r/stressed

got this mess of an organization handed down to him at a young age

and the first thing he did was deal with the unloyal and corrupt executives

people who thought they deserved top spot compared to a 20 some year old boy

most of them were planning to assassinate him on the dl

Chan didnt like that

so he and his buddy Minho dealt with the little traitors

they stopped bothering him, some moved to other organizations

the others were never heard from again

did chan torture them? kill them? the world may never know

and so Chan reformed the whole mafia within the span of a few years

he himself was the adopted son of the previous mafia boss

so he wanted to give opportunities to kids who didnt have anywhere else to go like him

so he did

he gave the organization an official name, stray kids

it started with him just sponsoring a boarding home

then he placed one of the retired, but one he deemed loyal, executives in charge of it

since he began needing more manpower and some of the older kids needed jobs, he slowly let them work for skz

it’s an odd dynamic, but many of the older generation members gained respect for Chan

and the younger generation are extremely loyal

it worked out quite fine for him

he even gained quite the reputation quickly, people try to avoid skz when they can

cause if you mess with skz, chan will make sure you’re dealt with

whether it means you cant say another word or disappear completely

theres rumors

chans a busy boy, and hes gained quite the reputation

a lot of mafia groups from other cities have heard a lot about him

especially after he reformed the whole organization and got rid of most of the higher ups

and began some practices over time

specifically, with minho and changbin

those are his go-to guys for questioning

nobody ever wants to get “questioned” by them

it’s basically two bad cops, no good cop there

the only good cop in skz is woojin

anyway chan wanted a group of capable people he could trust

he obviously had people like changbin and minho in his little circle

but it grew quickly

eventually he ended up with eight other guys who’ve had their own struggles

but joined stray kids for their own reasons

people like jeongin and felix had nowhere else to go

woojin and hyunjin were in need of jobs

And that’s how it’s been for a while

things run smoothly for the most part and skz has a strong reputation

chans almost always busy

whatever business he’s dealing with, he makes sure he gets a good deal

doesnt play around

you try to trick him he will make sure you regret it

theres a certain rumor floating around about chan

many, actually

lots of rumors

people say hes of royal descent

others say he murdered the old mob boss to take charge

just a wide variety of strange things are said about him

one time jisung heard that chan trained wild wolves to maul competition

jisung laughed

outside of skz, hes a complete mystery

it’s kind of like an inside joke for stray kids

occasionally members would come home and share what new rumor they heard

the craziest one came from felix (who actually believed it)

he went up to chan, slightly bewildered, and asked him

“hyung, did you really escape from russia as a kid??”

chan was very confused how that one started

especially since he has a clear Australian accent

and hes very aware of his reputation

he knows who he is

and he likes to keep it like that

so theres less chance of people messing with skz

in his eyes, the reputation was a safeguard from people seeing them as weak

plus it amuses him

while the rumors are usually baseless, he does have a fierce attitude when it comes to work

all business no play

again, r/stressed

jisungs acting up and being weird?

he has seungmin give him a good slap

then they would get into a fight

which chan would have to break up

or maybe hyunjins being overdramatic

he gets seungmin to talk to him

chan basically gets seungmin to handle the other members when they’re being difficult

well, some of them

one time chan sent seungmin to deal with a moody minho and seungmin ended up pinned to the ground with a knife to his neck

seungmin refuses to deal with moody minho nowadays

anywho, if chan tells a member to do something they do it

he just likes to bother seungmin

cause if you don’t do what chan tells you, you’re in for it

and since he basically grew up in the mafia, hes been hardened to most things

this guy wont bat an eye to shooting a gun

that’s child’s play for him

hes seen things that would leave many people traumatized

not a pushover in the slightest

however many people don’t know he has a soft side

a soft side???

chan?? what? soft???

yes

many people would scoff at the idea

this ruthless mob boss couldn’t possibly be soft

they’d be surprised

he has a very soft side

and he only shows it occasionally, since this job requires a hard heart

honestly chans always been soft

he cried a lot when he was first brought to the mafia

but years of brutality and cunning violence numbed him to it

but you

when he met you

whew

boy he was putty

yea sure he was about to kill you

but he very very quickly warmed up to you

nobody knows why

but you were certainly grateful for it

and you enjoyed the soft side of him

because you���re the one he usually showed it to

chan also spoiled you

and had no problem showing off his money

you tried to tell him you didnt need all the stuff

he didnt listen

you felt like you were in some cliche fanfic

oh shit wait

you moved in with him and the other members

mostly because the other members didnt want you yapping about skz

and the other members barely trusted you

except for felix

but eventually they all warmed up to you

it wasnt easy adjusting to the lifestyle

and it wasnt easy leaving your old life behind

but in the end you really did enjoy it

and chan was forever grateful he met you

and you know, didnt kill you

anywho chan tries to keep you as safe as possible

if anything happened to you he’d flip shit

hed be pissed

and nobody would be getting out happy

chan was careful though so you’re all good

…for now

chan made you the happiest

and you made chan happy

he liked it that way and wouldnt have it any other

cause hes a sucker for ya

A/n: this was a quick update for the mafia series! First time doing this kinda format so I hope its enjoyable. Itll be a while until the next fic is out tho. This was kinda filler until the next update. I have a fic called The Sun Will Rise Again for Chan and its mafia au too, so check it out if you want.

[punkscowardschampions]

Charlie & Ronnie

Charlie: You said you were coming to this thing

Charlie: can I send your apologies instead now?

Charlie: 👍

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: ill be there like i said

Charlie: Time management was never one for the CV

Charlie: but you’re already more than fashionably late, dear

Ronnie: &

Ronnie: invite came from mckenna and he dont care

Charlie: It’s not his dinner party

Ronnie: no shit

Ronnie: its not yours either calm down like

Charlie: I’m just saying, you’ve wrangled an invite as is

Charlie: you’re gonna make it more awkward because?

Ronnie: if shes not got you working the door now as another favour why the fuck are you so bothered is what im just saying mary

Charlie: They’re nice kids, whatever beef you’ve got with your brother and the rest, I don’t see why you’ve got to involve them, is what I’m saying

Charlie: they’ve not got fuck all to do with your family drama

Ronnie: err he ll be made up dont you want me to be a boss big sister

Charlie: the kid clearly has his own issues

Charlie: I could spot codependent and toxic before you could walk, don’t lie to me, like

Ronnie: cant walk now so stall the starters or dont

Charlie: For fuck’s sake Veronica

Ronnie: you wanted the truth bitch

Charlie: You can’t show up here high

Charlie: they’ll be terrified, might call the cops

Ronnie: showing up sober is what i cant do

Charlie: don’t you think you should take a break from him

Charlie: whatever you decide to do after, you need to calm it down

Ronnie: it was you who said not to act like he werent about

Charlie: yeah, you can’t pretend it hasn’t happened obviously

Charlie: but that was before you shot him up

Ronnie: and after you told me to look after him

Ronnie: make up your fucking mind baby

Charlie: What would be preferable is you not fucking doing it

Charlie: really should go without saying

Ronnie: it fucking wouldnt

Ronnie: you cant hack living with me on gear how do you reckon itd be with me off it

Charlie: I meant dosing a kid, ‘cos there’s no way it happened the once

Charlie: and there are options for you, for free on the glorious NHS for now

Ronnie: you meant both 🖕 he werent a kid when you wanted to fuck him

Charlie: Not the same is it

Charlie: someone can be old enough for sex and not old enough for you to ruin their life

Ronnie: love ya for the flattery but his life was fucked before he found me

Charlie: was he using

Ronnie: youre the only cunt i know who reckons hes above it even B uses 💊

Charlie: yeah because there aren’t levels to it

Charlie: come off it

Charlie: the 💊s he takes aren’t on the level of smack, at all

Ronnie: mckenna aint never gonna let you daddy him you can stop pretending to give a shit

Charlie: I give a shit because you’re a mess

Charlie: more than usual

Ronnie: i dont usually have to babysit any bastard half brothers like

Charlie: you’re choosing to come tonight though

Ronnie: i owe him after that call centre bullshit

Charlie: and that’s it?

Ronnie: what the fuck else would it be

Charlie: You tell me

Ronnie: i just did

Charlie: Alright then

Ronnie: [show up so he can judge the absolute state of you IRL and have to make allowances for that and how rude you are]

Charlie: [we all know how this goes, feel his shame and judgment in how much work we have to do to cover up your behaviour]

Ronnie: [how offended and upset she would be that he's ashamed of her is killing me because how could he not be babe]

Charlie: [oh honey, like what else could we be lol]

Ronnie: [the real question is have you picked up on the jealous and intense incesty vibes yet boy or what do you think is happening lol]

Charlie: [If anyone would pick up on it, we know you and your possessive energy]

Ronnie: [yeah that was my thought cos he knows her the best and they have their own weird history and vibe so]

Charlie: [he’s obvs not going to talk to you right now because mad and also like !!! but feel free to do some if you wanna]

Ronnie: [gonna have her try and talk to him when Jamie is talking to Joe for obvious reasons lol but before we’re bleeding]

Ronnie: you can lord it you were right but lets bail yeah

Ronnie: charlie come ed soft lad

Ronnie: what you ignoring me for 🖕💔

Ronnie: fucks sake

Ronnie: [after the briefest pause because he won’t immediately reply to her just gotta go into graphic detail about that OD she had in Margate before Joe got there cos he can clearly see all the self harm that’s going on but she wouldn’t have told him about this until literally now]

Charlie: [just a look like DON’T that cannot be overstated]

Charlie: why would you do that

Ronnie: can we fucking go now

Charlie: you can

Charlie: don’t use your self-destruction to hold me hostage, you’re beyond too old for that now, Jesus fucking Christ

Ronnie: [this makes logical sense to be where Sophie pops up with the kitchen roll etc and then bathroomgate so all of that is kicking off]

Charlie: [just out here doing the most to cover for you]

Charlie: what the fuck are you doing

Ronnie: [because they are doing the most in that tiny bathroom LOL you can have a reply once she’s left]

Ronnie: leaving

Ronnie: youre welcome

Charlie: yeah, you did me such a solid there, tah

Ronnie: you too florence dead caring

Charlie: you can’t hack a kid’s dinner party?

Ronnie: fuck you

Ronnie: you know whats wrecking my head

Charlie: yet you can’t leave him alone

Charlie: how the fuck can I do anything if you won’t do that

Ronnie: you werent gonna do fuck all end of

Ronnie: youve not

Charlie: you aren’t a kid, I can’t force you to sort your life out

Ronnie: yeah cos being like you will save me

Charlie: I’m not OD’ing with strangers

Ronnie: 💔 everyone liked you better when you were using

Charlie: you did

Charlie: and that isn’t a good enough reason to be a junkie forever

Ronnie: no shit i did

Charlie: well I’m so sorry your majesty

Charlie: God forbid I sort my life for me

Ronnie: nobody but you gives a fuck you stopped snorting lines out of every twinks arse crack

Ronnie: god forbid you shut the fuck up about it and this recovery bullshit

Charlie: you clearly give a fuck, Ronnie

Ronnie: you give more of a fuck about mckennas flatmates than you do about me

Charlie: that’s bullshit

Charlie: you only came to ruin their night, you got mad when it weren’t going your way

Charlie: you expected me to help?

Ronnie: i dont give a shit about these teenagers

Ronnie: im losing it and you reckon theyre on my mind

Charlie: Is ruining his life going to fix yours

Charlie: no

Ronnie: youve never had to hack this dont fucking tell me how to

Charlie: because you’re the only one who has family issues

Charlie: fuck you, you know I’d give anything to be in your spot

Ronnie: if i could swap our places i would

Ronnie: i dont wanna fucking be here doing this with him & you aint even tried to get your head round that

Charlie: in what world does it need to be like this

Ronnie: the world im living in where the fuck is your head at

Charlie: why can’t you just fucking

Charlie: cut him off or actually try

Ronnie: this is me trying

Ronnie: i didnt hang myself off the back of their bathroom door

Charlie: then you need to stop

Charlie: I’ll tell him to leave you alone now

Ronnie: hes gonna do that now without you flouncing in

Charlie: I’m still doing it, you ain’t here to stop me

Ronnie: hot but you still aint his type

Charlie: not funny

Ronnie: not joking

Charlie: don’t be tapped, I wouldn’t go anywhere near him now

Ronnie: stick your dick where you like i dont give a fuck

Charlie: yeah well I’m slightly more discerning, tah very much

Ronnie: these days

Charlie: yeah, where we live now

Charlie: I’m not trying to relive my worst years every weekend

Ronnie: yeah such a grown up youre having dinner with kids

Ronnie: save this little speech to pull the wool over the eyes of whatever wool homo youre gonna try and pull at the weekend

Charlie: I never said I was there yet

Charlie: better than the state of you

Ronnie: 🖕💔

Ronnie: state of me yeah after whats just happened youve seen fuck all yet soft cunt

Charlie: that’s the sound of me being unimpressed

Charlie: grow up

Ronnie: shut up properly by getting out of my fucking face

Charlie: I’m going out

Ronnie: with your new bezzies

Charlie: what’s it to you

Ronnie: youre not a junkie and youre still the most selfish cunt i know have a word with yourself

Charlie: because I’m not jumping to do exactly what you want, no matter how dumb or shit an idea it is

Charlie: yeah, I’m the problem, alright babe

Ronnie: you reckon you wanna be in my place so bad but you cant even hack it from there

Ronnie: since when have i gotta beg for help off you

Charlie: I wouldn’t act like a dick if anyone from my family reached out

Charlie: and what help? You haven’t asked for help, you wanted me to help you shit on some random kids to make you feel better for 10 seconds

Charlie: if you actually told me anything seriously, if you wanted help and not just someone to get high with

Ronnie: i wanted to fucking leave & cos i didnt its pure fucked now

Ronnie: i am my head is worse than before and you dont give a single shit

Charlie: what did you do

Ronnie: like fuck are you getting the gossip

Charlie: gossip are you serious

Charlie: ‘cos this either is and I’m the shittest mate in the world or it isn’t and it’s ‘gossip’

Ronnie: shittest mate is right weve established it

Charlie: what did you do

Ronnie: fuck you its your fault

Charlie: then tell me what I did bitch

Ronnie: i told you we shouldve gone

Charlie: okay, we should’ve gone

Charlie: go on

Ronnie: you were there

Charlie: yeah, and I was covering for you

Ronnie: yeah well done

Charlie: you say that like I’m meant to know what the fuck you were doing, is my point

Charlie: i was a little busy sorting your mess

Ronnie: you had a cob on over that mess and the one im in after it is loads fucking worse so theres fuck all you can sort for me now

Charlie: calm down and stop being dramatic

Charlie: just tell me and we’ll sort it

Ronnie: fuck off

Ronnie: thank christ i dont need you to calm down

Ronnie: [gonna go get messy obvs so she probably won't reply but if you wanna try go ahead hun]

Charlie: yeah, smack has served you SO well thus far

Charlie: what a great idea

Charlie: come on

Charlie: oh, the silent treatment in return, really

Charlie: very mature

Charlie: I’ll see you when I get home