#someone inform my decision before i spiral

[tahdashi]

should i delete tears of themis and download genshin </3

[shreddedleopard]

Okay back on my bullshit and I need to talk about these —

This to me is a direct call back by Sherlock to Liam pre- William James Moriarty. Baby Liam, before he stained his hands with all that killing and stole the identity of another child. Can you see the way Sherlock gets down on his knee like that? Know what it reminds me of?

How you speak to a child on their level.

“You’ve taken your first step …”

Also feels very child-oriented to me. And painting an ideal future …?

Sherlock is appealing here to the boy who never was; the boy who never got the chance to grow up and learn about his true self …

“My own self …”

Liam’s entire life has been spent behind a mask. His whole existence was that of a ghost; the shell of a dead child. He never gave himself permission to consider who he truly was; him him, and not William Moriarty, because the old him had to die in that fire all those years ago. I cannot even begin to think about what that must feel like.

And then along came Sherlock Holmes, and with a simple look during a moment of rare honesty from Liam — his genuine, child-like inquisitiveness at the sight of that spiral staircase provoking a trait that was truly his — his love of mathematics — Sherlock was able to effortlessly reach out and take the hand of the person who existed behind the mask.

A mathematician: one of the most elementary aspects of Liam’s character, indeed. His love of mathematics shone long before he committed his first act of violence. To be judged so quickly and found not to be the devil, but just a man who loves numbers — that was a glimpse of his true self that he’d almost forgotten about, amidst the pressure of his plans on the Noahtic.

Sherlock is also, aside from Louis and Albert, the only person to my knowledge who is aware of Liam’s true name — and because it was Liam’s choice to gift that knowledge to him. Recalling that Liam believed he was about to die, him giving Sherlock the evidence of his birth, as he was truly originally supposed to be, feels like a painfully poignant and intimate gesture.

Even we, the readers, are not privy to that information. It’s granted only to Sherlock; a secret they share.

The theme of rebirth is very present in the climax of the story, and Liam even states in his letter that if only he could be born again, this time he thinks he and Sherlock would be true friends. It’s desperately sad that he can’t see at that point that he doesn’t need to be reborn to get back in touch with his old self, because he’s still there inside of him. Sherlock is the proof of that, because Sherlock hasn’t found a friend and, dare I say it, a soulmate in William Moriarty, or the Lord of Crime. Sherlock has found that connection with the man beneath the mask.

During the moment on the Thames, William James Moriarty did indeed die a second time. But this time it was so that Liam, as his true self, could re-emerge. This is why he suddenly sees all those colours again — that which was buried is now brought forth towards the light.

Another small point to make is the decision to have Sherlock use Liam almost immediately. It’s a name that feels a lot more removed from the identity of William Moriarty than for example, Will. It’s new and something that’s very much separate from the dead boy Liam embodies. It’s a tiny glimpse of the branch in identities beginning once again after years of suffering his sins in silence.

I could go on and on about all this. It’s probably just obvious stuff to most people. But god damn is it the most beautiful story of losing and finding oneself again, even in the darkest depths of despair, because someone cared enough to reach out a hand.

Might just be my favourite.

[mayashesfly]

Hi!!

I really love your idea with that Au where Vox forgot about Alastor. I hope you don't mind questions because I have a few 😅😅

Why did he erase his memories? Was it because it was too painful to remember, or was it because he couldn’t deal with the obsession anymore and wanted to move on? 

What will Alastor do about this? How do the Vees react to this information? Like they obviously know Alastor unlike Vox.

Thank you for expressing your interest and asking! I'm glad you enjoy the idea ^w^

I have also made another post about Forgotten Radio AU here if you like to read that. Though do take note that some of the things I've said here and there may be subject to change as I flesh out this AU of mine in time.

For the first question, it's a mixture of the two.

Before Alastor left for seven years, Alastor and Vox had a fight that spiralled out of control which caused Valentino to intervene, causing Vox and Valentino's left antenna to be both be damaged because of Alastor's pettiness. After that, Alastor disappeared while Vox and Valentino was recuperating from that fight.

(Velvette didn't intervene despite already being a part of the Vees at this point since she feels like she doesn't have the right to because she doesn't know the full context of Alastor and Vox's previous relationship and what Vox and Valentino had been through. Vox and Alastor was already having their bitter rivalry and fighting by the time Velvette manifested in Hell)

A major part of my personal take on Vox's character is that he has this built-in need to constantly improve himself so he doesn't lose the things he has in his life.

Vox knows that his obsession with Alastor has been negatively impacting his life and those around him. Especially since it was because of a fight between him and Alastor that Valentino lost his antenna.

When he ended up in a depressive episode and constantly trying to look for Alastor everywhere with his cameras, he ended up neglecting his relationship with Valentino and Velvette. Even Voxtek took a hit since the wound was still raw (literally)

He was at a standstill and he needed an intervention.

Stat.

The first initial "memory wipe" was an impulsive harsh decision on his part. It was sloppy and rough since Alastor was so intricately tied into his early memories in Hell.

But it worked.

At least, for a little bit.

One day, Vox left his office, greeting Valentino and Velvette. The two commenting on the other's more cheery attitude.

At first, Vox was disoriented from the memory wipe. But it instantly improved his mood like never before. For once since that someone's disappearance who is that someone? his mind was completely clear.

Some of his early memories with Valentino was also spotty however. But it eventually smoothened out and he was able to clearly recall those moments of Val.

Though that was not all.

For some reason, he can't bring himself to renovate certain buildings under his name. He didn't really know why but when he saw a certain torn up photo inside of one of his drawers near his bed....

Memories of Alastor flooded back inside his mind and the brutal cycle went again.

It was only after cleanly cutting himself away from the picture did his next memory wipe became much more successful.

He kept the photo of Alastor for business and planning reasons only.

But now there was nothing showing on the picture that he had ever been involved with that demon.

He had been able to find the root of the problem which has caused the failed memory wipe. But now that he has that sorted out and have the appropriate safety and preventive measures to ensure that won't happen again...

Alastor would never take from him again.

Not when he can't ever remember him again.

While Vox is a technology demon, his soul is still human. So despite being able to theoretically erase his memories from his physical body, they're still there spiritually inside of him. Not all demons are given a physical brain after all.

I mean one of the Overlords is a skull on fire, there's probably not a brain there somewhere. And Vox can LITERALLY change his head. Not only that but I'm sure some Sinners got their brains fucked one way or another before fully regenerating, but they'll still probably retain their memory. So yeah, I'm going with the soul shenanigans route on this one.

One of Vox's "preventive measures" to ensure his memory wipe business won't unravel ever again is by wiping his short-term memory about any interaction and mention of the Radio Demon. It was inevitable that one of the Vees would question him about Alastor even after he informed them of his decision after all.

That's also the reason why after Val informed Vox about Alastor return and residence in the Hazbin Hotel that he forgot about him again and thought Alastor was a new upcoming Overlord during the meeting.

My apologies for the long winded explaining-turned-writing. That's just how my brain works when explaining these things :P

Now on your second question!

At first, Alastor would do subtle gestures in order to gain Vox's attention hopefully. However each failed attempt would make his frustration slowly grow and grow over time.

When Alastor caught sight of the painfully obvious Vox drones around the hotel, he purposefully posed in front of them a few times, hoping to finally gloat out the tv-headed demon from his hiding. Much to his growing annoyance and confusion though, nothing happened as the drones flew passed him due to the corrupting footage in order to clearly see what else was happening in the hotel. He did this for a few times a day in slowly increasing frequency for the entire week before Sir Pentious attacked the hotel again and proceeded to get fucked over for ruining Alastor's coat. Alastor barely letting the poor demon alive thanks to Charlie's pleas.

Alastor has missed Vox.

After his seven years of absence, the first place he went to was the very first store front he helped Vox to get and buy. The Radio Shack. At first, those picture boxes were the newest thing in town. And he didn't even stain them with the innards of his enemies!

But a certain broadcast brought him back to reality as to why he was able to go back to hell as he stared at the image of the Princess of Hell, Charlie Morningstar.

Vox has already sold some of the old tvs despite being stained and bloodied, unlike in Canon because of his lack of attachment.

Alastor was banking on Vox to notice his absence and do something about it just like old times. However a week of waiting and nothing had happened. Except for the new additions of drones around the hotel he resided in.

He thought by some point surely Vox would do something as he posed in front of the cameras subtly. But nothing happened for a week and Alastor started to feel confused because he didn't know if Vox was actually paying attention to him when those stupid flying things were just ignoring him!

(In my mind, the reason why Alastor looked mildly annoyed at Vox's broadcast in Stayed Gone was because he thought Vox would've confronted him directly instead of dissing him on the screen. It was a special occasion after all! He just came back from a seven year absence! But no. He still happily took the chance though and quickly ran/teleported back into his radio tower to diss him back)

After the confrontation between the two of them in the Overlord Meeting, it takes Alastor a while to puzzle out what Vox did to himself. He doesn't fully know that Vox actually completely wiped his memories of him but he does know that Vox doesn't seem to care about him anymore, even with their bitter rivalry and that hurt.

It was yet another thing that changed when it was somrthing he could always count on despite how fucked up that is.

His frustration starts being inflicted onto other people who were unfortunate enough to cross his path while he's fuming about this change (ei Sir Pentious and possibly Husker later down the line)

And his want to get back Vox's attention eventually escalates to him destroying some of Vox's properties by asking his Shadow. Starting small like a few drones and cameras, to some of the store fronts of his. (But never the Radio Shack. Never that.)

Even with Alastor's feelings about Vox ignoring him, he would never risk his reputation by overtly and directly trying to get Vox's attention by himself.

The only way I can see this plot between Alastor and Vox progress is when enough time has passed and Alastor's inhibitors and self-control snapped that he physically teleports himself into Vox's office to directly confront him. (It hurt to use his shadow to travel there with all the blinding lights but the hidden radio in his office helped to ease the stinging pain a little)

Or Vox directly involves himself with the Hazbin Hotel because he never sent in Sir Pentious himself and he still had to make sure that the Radio Demon, a previously powerful Overlord, wouldn't make a deal with the Princess of Hell of all people. (Unlike Canon Vox, he has enough tact to stay in the same room as Alastor to not need a proxy. On the topic of Sir Pentious, it's currently a toss up if he'll ever enter the Hazbin Hotel or not and fuck up the timeline big time)

Once Alastor realized just how badly Vox fucked up that he erased his memories of him, he would try his best to jog his memory.

But constantly having to reintroduce yourself to Vox because his memories of you keeo getting wiped away is excruciating.

"Are you new around here?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think we've met before"

"It's nice to meet the man helping Princess Charlie with her endeavor"

"Oh! So you're the Radio Demon himself?"

"I'm Vox from Voxtek, the Leader of the Vees. Nice to meet you"

So any of his progress, no matter how little or large would get erased the next meeting. Even if he just left his sight for even a moment....

It was going nowhere.

He can never ever reconnect with Vox ever again.

Just like he wanted.

Even as his friendship bloomed with the Princess and the residents, even as his powers and influence continue to grow, it was always back to square one with him.

He was so close, yet he was the farthest he's ever been to him.

"You've never cared about me, Alastor. What changed now?"

Now with the Vees, Valentino was rather furious and hurt the first time it happened. Vox didn't even consult him, didn't even say anything to him about this decision! And it hurt when Vox seemed to have also lost some of his memories of him. Velvette had also been enraged and confused about Vox's actions. It was needless to say they were both unnerved.

It took a while, but they got used to it and Vox getting back his memories of Valentino helped.

Vox was happier this way after all, and it wasn't like they can do anything to revert his decision even if it was done in impulse...

However, it had been difficult for them when Vox had a relapse after regaining his memoried of Alastor. The grief was raw and fresh again which didn't help matters.

This time around though, despite Vox's distressed state, they did talk about his decision and vowed to try to never mention the Radio Demon again. It still takes them some time adjusting though, and even Val falls through on his old habits sometimes.

They know it was Vox's decision and they respect that. Even if it hurts a bit, at least he was happy.

I hope this sufficiently answered your questions even if most ended up as writing instead of concise explanations. Thank you for asking these questions! It makes me happy to see you guys are interested! ^w^ ^w^

[badgerhuan]

Mitsurugi took the bear and went to find Itonokogiri, and they investigated the origins of the bear together.

In Saraba, Gyakuten (Farewell, My Turnabout), Itonokogiri helps Naruhodou and Harumi figure out that Fujimino's hotel room had been planted with a spy camera. And then, he decided to help by investigating the origins of the camera, to see if they can figure out who bought it. It might take all night, but he's determined to do it, and promises Naruhodou that he'll have the answer by morning.

After he leaves the room, fired up about his new task, the following happens:

Harumi: But. Keiji-san, is such a nice person. Harumi: For Mayoi-sama's sake, pushing himself that hard... ???: ...though the way he's going about it is completely reckless. Naruhodou: (...that voice...!) Mitsurugi: Excuse me. ...I overheard you talking. Naruhodou: ...Mi-Mitsurugi...!

Mitsurugi appears, cutting in at just the right time to comment on Itonokogiri's behavior, with a smile on his face.

After he informs Naruhodou that a taskforce has been assemble to find Mayoi, Mitsurugi then goes to check on the bear, commenting that it's a rare, high-class brand that only a few gets imported to Japan. He checks the time, commenting that it's not too late. He then takes the bear from Naruhodou and leaves.

Naruhodou and Harumi leave as well, furthering their own investigation into Fujimino's murder. It's not until much later that Naruhodou suddenly gets a phonecall from Itonokogiri.

Itonokogiri: It's not good! Itonokogiri: I'll...I'll be back at the office soon! Naruhodou: Wh-what happened- Itonokogiri: Something unbelievable has happened! Itonokogiri: Mitsurugi-kenji was, uh... Naruhodou: (Mitsurugi...?) Itonokogiri: Anyway, hurry and come back! Itonokogiri: I, don't know what's what anymore! It's bad! It's finished! I am- Phone: ...beep... Naruhodou: ...huh, he got cut off.

Itonokogiri's call gets cut short in the middle of his panicked ramble. It's as if someone had hung up the phone for him before he could spiral too far. Also, he lets slip Mitsurugi's name before seemingly catching himself.

When Naruhodou and Harumi get back to the office, this is what Itonokogiri greets them with:

Itonokogiri: You're too late! Mitsurugi-kenji already left!

We know from the start of the phone call that when he made the call, he wasn't at the office yet, and there seemed to be someone else with him. And now, he's talking as if Naruhodou would've been able to also meet Mitsurugi if he had come back to to the office sooner. This would imply that up until Itonokogiri got back to the office, the person who had been with him the entire time is Mitsurugi.

And, most decisively, Itonokogiri is not only carrying the camera and transmitter he took from the hotel room, but also the bear and all the items related to its investigation. When Naruhodou asks him about the bear, he says:

Itonokogiri: I met with the clerk of the department store. Itonokogiri: This is the credit card receipt. Itonokogiri: ...38000 yen. That's exactly the cost of that bear. Naruhodou: ...receipt...? Itonokogiri: Of course, it's not just the receipt. I also got the clerk's testimony. Itonokogiri: "I'm sure I sold it to Outorou"...that's what they testified. Itonokogiri: On top of that, it seems that the clerk also got a signature. Itonokogiri: The one who bought the bear, is definitely Outorou!

Not only does Itonokogiri say that he met the clerk, he was also able to quote the clerk directly. This proves that he definitely has met the clerk in person.

After this, Itonokogiri gives Naruhodou back all three pieces of evidence he had on him: the camera, the transmitter....and, the bear, which he had somehow came in possession of.

In conclusion, what we can infer happened:

Mitsurugi overheard the entire conversation about the spy camera and the transmitter in the bear, and saw Itonokogiri rush out of the hotel room, razor focused on his new task: finding out who bought the camera.

Mitsurugi knew, instantly, that as much as Itonokogiri's determination was in the right place, that that search would be a fruitless one. So he went into the room, commented with a smile that Itonokogiri was being reckless, and immediately went to confirm that the bear was as rare as he thought it was.

Once he was sure, Mitsurugi hauled the giant ass bear with him, and went and found Itonokogiri, somehow. He could've left Itonokogiri running around the city looking into the camera all night...but he didn't. Instead, he looked for him, found him, and gave him the bear and told him to look into it, steering him in the right direction.

Together, they headed to the department store and found out who bought the bear. Upon learning the disturbing truth, Itonokogiri called Naruhodou in a panic, and before he could spiral too far, Mitsurugi intervened and hung up the phone for him.

Then, together, they made it back to Naruhodou Law Office, with the bear and the receipt. After making sure everything was in order, Mitsurugi left before Naruhodou came back.

Even when they're not working together anymore, even when Itonokogiri had been fired, even when Mitsurugi has no obligation to Itonokogiri anymore, they still went and found each other. Still worked together. They fall in step with each other so naturally. I doubt either one of them even thought twice about it.

bonus, when Mitsurugi says that looking into the camera would be fruitless, he says:

"The camera that the hasty keiji-kun took with him is no clue."

I need everyone who hasn't played the game in Japanese to understand, that Mitsurugi only ever uses "-kun" for people younger than him. And the only other person he's used the "occupation+kun" combination to refer to is Naruhodou, as bengoshi-kun, in the courtroom, whenever he thinks Naruhodou is being naive. This is the only time he's ever referred to Itonokogiri as such, and 1) at this point, Itonokogiri isn't a keiji anymore, and 2) he doesn't say this within Itonokogiri's earshot.

He's unable to stop thinking of Itonokogiri as a keiji (which is, in Japanese, very specifically a police detective), and he doesn't let Itonokogiri hear this half-affectionate nickname that he knows Itonokogiri would understand as an insult.

bonus 2, before Mitsurugi leaves the hotel room with the bear, Naruhodou stops him:

Naruhodou: Why...? What on earth are you planning! Mitsurugi: ............ Mitsurugi: I'm not interested in explaining myself to someone who can't understand.

He doesn't explain anything to Naruhodou, knowing he wouldn't understand. This would imply that whoever he does tell about the bear and what to do with it is someone he knows can understand him.

Itonokogiri has always been able to understand him.

And he personally saw to it that Itonokogiri is the one to figure this out and deliver Naruhodou the news.

[herebutnothere]

So... we're in agreement that Shane and Lori were having an emotional affair Before, right?

Because... um... yeah.

This is the segue of someone asking a question that they already know the answer to.

This is the prompting of someone who has additional information from a source close to the situation ("The least you can do is speak." "That's what she always says.").

Coming from a man who clearly has some views about women that are less than chivalrous as seen by both his "sermon" and by their walk down memory lane (TWD S2 E5), Shane's question about Rick expressing his thoughts, sharing his feelings, and "that kind of stuff" seems planted...

Almost as if he's been a shoulder to lean on and has heard these grievances before 👀

As an aside, I think it's interesting that they chose this exchange as one of the opening moments for a show that's essentially about a man trying to find his family as the world around him loses—and clings to—its humanity...

...

but, back to Shane and Lori—

Is it wrong to lean on friends for support? No, of course not. That's what friends are for.

However, it is wrong to covet thy neighbor's wife.

So why does this matter? Shane's gone. Lori's gone. The story has gone on.

It matters because it adds to the level of betrayal that Rick's experienced from the people closest to him and it adds to the role Michonne plays in his life.

Shane was his best friend and partner. Lori was his wife and the mother of his child. They all grew up together so there's no doubt that Rick's had to explain away certain looks, comments, and moments of silence when he entered rooms. He's likely spent years convincing himself that what he knew to be true wasn't. And given how Lori, by her own account, often tried to bait him into "blowing up" and being less "rational" during moments of disagreement (TWD S2 E2), I wouldn't be surprised if Shane's name or likeness was wielded as a weapon more than once in their home. And, of course, one of the most earned and valid critiques of Lori and Shane is how quickly they started rolling around those walker-filled woods.

Do I think they crossed the line before the ZA? No, I don't. I think that they both loved and respected Rick too much to do that (after all Shane did try to protect him). But I do think (in their mind) it was a natural progression for them to act on their feelings and attraction once they thought he was gone. It's this love and respect that makes the ease with which they moved on even more painful. It's what makes it such a betrayal.

It's this betrayal that's at the center of Rick struggling to make decisions in those early days, because how could he trust himself when he was so wrong about something so close and so personal for so long?

It's this betrayal that makes Lori's manipulation especially heinous because ma'am. MA'AM.

It's this betrayal that makes Shane's downward spiral so striking and consequential for how Rick (and the rest of the OG ATL group) approaches life and battles moving forward.

It's this betrayal that makes the whole Jessie storyline out of character for him because the woman was married and he of all people knows what that meant. (In other words, that pairing never had a snowball's chance in hell of being anything more than a reactionary pendulum swing towards the life he thought he was living Before, but one that was never truly there.)

And most importantly, it's this betrayal that makes Michonne searching for Rick for all those years mean so damn much. To have someone care that much... to have someone remember and honor him... to have someone consistently believe in him... no wonder he was shooketh when they were reunited in that field.

Since the glorious "You're the love of my life" declaration in TOWL S1 E4, I've seen some folks try to rewrite of the story of Lori and Rick, but even the characters acknowledged that their marriage was, for all intents and purposes, over.

Lori and Rick had history. The sunk cost fallacy was strong with them. But the level of Lori's betrayal made it impossible for any trust to be rebuilt and for any love beyond their historical and familial ties to remain.

But Rick and Michonne? There aren't enough words.

Because the moment she walked up to the prison gate, she provided what he so desperately needed—acceptance, partnership, and devotion without caveats and without strings attached, something neither his best friend nor his first wife could ever do.

[harbo-urr]

Alhaitham's and Kaveh's relationship in the Sumeru arhon quest: new perspective (for me, maybe for you too!).

Oh it will be long...

It started with my short thoughts about their first on-screen dialog and how it feels different now compared to a year ago, but then spiralled into me re-watching the entire Sumeru archon quest to properly analyse Alhaitham's hidden struggles during it and Kaveh's (not big but) actual plot relevance.

Disclaimer: I'm aware that English VAs were way more emotional then Chinese, especially in 3.2, but, for the sake of having the information to analyse, lets believe that at least the official eng text of their interactions is more or less correct... (I'm sorry I only know English and other languages most likely have translation errors as well anyway).

I'm also assuming that you've read their character stories and know their more deep personalities, not just "cold smart guy and artsy broke guy".

Anyway, I hope someone will find the analyses below as entertaining as I do.

1. Kaveh and Alhaitham: what we see during their first on-screen interaction.

Now, let's all time travel into the day when the last part of Sumeru's quest dropped. These sweet days... Version 3.2, two versions before we got Alhaitham as a playable character and four versions before Kaveh. By this point we've already known a little information about Alhaitham, mostly from the archon quest itself, and next to nothing about Kaveh.

Well, we knew some info, but it was mostly leaks and speculations, nothing more than "a genius architect who lives with Alhaitham because he is broke".

Now, if you didn't read the leaks and just carefully played the quest, you could actually catch some phrases here and there that implied that Alhaitham lives with someone before it was openly confirmed, but again, it's not specific at all. That is why our first meeting with a brand new sexy blond boy was so extreme in all ways. It was beautiful, emotional, entertaining and... extremely toxic. Both Alhaitham and Kaveh behaved surprisingly aggressive (calmer in Chinese but still more negative then what we usually see now). It was fun to watch, and made a lot of people including me really interested in those two from the get go.

But re-watching this dialog now after almost a year felt... Weird. Yes sure, they bicker, it's their thing, but if you compare any other scene with them later it's not nearly as intense... especially on Alhaitham's side (yes, even if you don't listen to va and just read the lines).

So it got me thinking. Why did Alhaitham behave like that? Was it a random writing decision for the drama effect? Or was there something more going on that I didn't understand?

After going through everything from start to finish I believe that yes, there was. But I'll need go through a lot of content recap to fully explain what I mean.

2. First aka "the first on-screen" aka "Where were you when Sumeru needed you most!?" dialog

It is essentially our first glimpse of Kaveh, which we catch in the library on the search for Alhaitham.

Kaveh has just returned to the city so he has no idea what is going on. The shown interaction starts with Kaveh demanding Alhaitham to put his book away and explain what is happening at the Academia. The fact that Kaveh is already pretty irritated when we first see him tricks us into thinking that he's a short-tempered overly dramatic guy, which is...

Well, partly true, but having already experienced how sweet Kaveh actually is we can see through that and realize that Alhaitham most likely was ignoring Kaveh's questions for some time now, and that's why our Kaveh was already on edge when we started. Already weird and we're just at the first line.

After that they bicker a little, Kaveh again asks about the Academia, on which Alhaitham answers: "Oh? I thought you would already knew the inside story."

Then they bicker again (2) and Alhaitham goes hard on Kaveh here. He even agrees with Kaveh that he doesn't say anything nice about him, because "anyone who knows you as well as I do would do the same". DAMN, Alhaitham, that's brutal even for you, why are you so mad, is something bothering you? Oh well..

Then they bicker again (3) and Alhaitham proposes Kaveh to move out of his house, but Kaveh ignores it and tries asking about the Academia again. Alhaitham ignores it as well and says "Forget what's going on with the Academia, haven't you been busy with your construction project?".

Kaveh doesn't want to answer this question and says that he's "getting angry just thinking about it" (worth noting). Kaveh then wants to change the subject again, but Alhaitham doesn't give up and asks about Kaveh's project again ("Where were you when Sumeru needed you most?").

Then they bicker again (4) and Kaveh leaves to ask around.

Huh, that was heated...

Lets do a little bit of unpacking.

So, Kaveh wanted to know more about the Academia and Alhaitham was constantly changing the subject. It can be read as Alhaitham mocking Kaveh just for the sake of it, but if we pay a little more attention to what Alhaitham is saying every time he interrupts Kaveh, it becomes more interesting.

1) "Oh? I thought you would already knew the inside story."

2) "Forget what's going on with the Academia, haven't you been busy with your construction project?"

3) "Where were you when Sumeru needed you most?"

Each time Alhaitham changes the subject, he talks about Kaveh being away for the time of the quest. Let's remember the golden rule of miscommunication conflicts: to understand what actually bothers your opponent you need to spot a repetitive theme in their words. And Alhaitham has a pretty clear pattern. Interesting.

But let's move on to the next dialog.

3. Second aka "second on-screen" aka "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" dialog

Kaveh returns after asking around and confronts Alhaitham about it ("WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?") (just a funny line). After some bickering (5) Alhaitham agrees to finally tell him what happened. He mentions that Kshahrewar sage was a part of conspiracy as well on which Kaveh reacts surprised and says "...could this be why they sent me out on a project?". However Alhaitham replies that it's just a coincidence and proceeds to suddenly go hard on Kaveh again, saying "whatever you were doing won't have any significant impact now or in times to come" (auch, Alhaitham, auch). Then they bicker again (6) and the dialog ends.

This interaction is more relevant to the "Kaveh plot relevance" section, but the important things for now are:

Kaveh: "...could this be why they sent me out on a project?"

Alhaitham: "I think its just a coincidence ... whatever you were doing won't have any significant impact now or in times to come."

And why is it important?

I find the flow of this whole conversation to be very weird, since it goes "confrontation - agreement - information share - speculation - confrontation". In other words, first Alhaitham doesn't want to talk, but Kaveh persuades him, learns about the sage, brings up his mission in the desert, and Alhaitham returns to the confrontation mode again.

It can be interpreted as Alhaitham just using every opportunity to disagree with Kaveh just cause, but at the same time his words sours exactly after Kaveh talks about him being missing from the quest. Coincidence? I don't think so.

All these little things got me thinking. Why is Kaveh's absence so triggering for Alhaitham? Sure they're close or whatever, but they both value their freedom very highly and it's probably not too rare for them to disappear for a day or two for work. Why is it such a big deal now?

But then I also remembered that Kaveh, basically the only family Alhaitham has (yes I call people you willingly live with a family, its my life experience), went missing from home exactly when the fishy stuff at the Academia started resurfacing. And he was gone for a long time, at least for the duration of the quest, which is about two in game weeks.

Even if Alhaitham is not a very emotional person, he still values family, home, routine and comfort very highly. So, in theory, the sudden empty house should have affected him in some way, right? That's how I decided to check Alhaitham's behaviour during the archon quest and it was.. interesting.

4. Alhaitham's side of the Sumeru quest, with me fillng in the gaps.

Let's think about all these quest days from his perspective.

You're simple logical guy who already for quite some time lives with an annoying but kind of endearing roommate, who you drink coffee with in the morning and often discuss intellectual or not really stuff. Sometimes you argue but he's perspective on life fascinates you as a scholar, so you don't mind it too much. Ultimately you're just used to him in your life.

Then one day you go to your work, which brings you just enough money to feel completely comfortable, but you start feeling that something fishy is going on behind the scenes. Some sages disappear, your archon is treated like a power source and there are weird rumours about the divine knowledge capsules. Then you get a sudden assignment - investigate a blond traveller with a talking fairy. And sages propose to pay you with the divine knowledge capsule.

Suspicious. If it's such a big deal, why would they promise you it as a present for a simple spy work?

You decide to get to the bottom of this and for this you need to buy the capsule yourself. You're sure that the infamous merchant Dori has some, but you're definitely in the black list as the Academia's scribe... Ah, how lucky is it. Your roommate just so happen to have a strong connection to Dori. If you give him money and an excuse why he needs the capsule so much she would definitely sell it to him. It settled then.

You come home. But you're roommate isn't there. You wait. He doesn't come back. You're confused and decide to check using you're connections at the Academia, and... he suddenly was requested to the desert? And just left? Why would he leave exactly when everything was going to get weird? Did he know something? Did Academia want to temporarily move him out of the picture? Maybe they did something worse than that? Was it all a coincidence?

You don't know and you have no time. You need to spy on Traveller. You need to buy a capsule. It seems that you're alone in it.

Dori didn't sell you a capsule. That wasn't unexpected but still worth the try. You decide to make the mysterious traveller to buy it for you. It went great. You find out more about capsules, you steal one yourself. You realise that the divine knowledge offered by the sages was a trap to dispose of you. Your roommate still didn't come back. It's been what, almost a week? Whatever. It's nice and quiet at your home.

You meet Traveller again on your way to the desert to investigate the source of the capsules. You run into Cyno and a bunch of other people and you seem to finally get the lead to answers that you wanted. You find out that the capsules were extracted from the brains of scholars who were send to the desert by the Academia and then abducted. You're roommate was also sent to the desert by the Academia. Uh. He's fine. You have your problems to deal with.

You and your unexpected but quite pleasant team find out that sages want to create a God. It seems it's time to rescue your archon. You came up with a pretty good plan. Noe you need to return to the city after these couple of days in the desert. When you come home, your roommate still isn't there.

The next day your team is preparing for the plan and Cyno says that you all need to go home and have a good rest.

"...Thankfully I had my place to myself recently. It's been nice and quiet."

"...Huh?"

Dehya stares at you confused.

You didn't realise that you said it out loud and you're not sure how other people deal with situations when they say something without thinking.

"Oh, nothing"

You went home and slept alright.

The plan worked, Nahida was saved, sages punished, akasha destroyed, your comfortable routine is safe again. It's still nice and quite at home, so you go to the library to read some books.

"Alhaitham, what happened in the Academia?!"

You hear a familiar voice. After all this time he returns like nothing happened.

5. And this was a recap of Alhaitham's side of the archon quest!

Interpretations can vary of course, but the way I see it, Alhaitham was very bothered by Kaveh's sudden disappearance. He clearly expresses that he wishes Kaveh was in the team during the quest ("Where were you when Sumeru needed you most?"). From this we can guess that Kaveh really left without any warning and had Alhaitham known about it, he would most likely stopped him.

I think Alhaitham quickly found out where Kaveh was (connections) but he had no means of contacting him quickly and maybe didn't even know the exact location. At first it was a minor inconvenience because of the Dori situation, but he probably wasn't bothered to much by it. But after he found out that sages actively tried to dispose of him by making him insane, he probably realised that the situation was way worse that he initially thought. And Kaveh still was somewhere in the desert with no means to contact him.

So what Alhaitham does next? He goes to the desert. Yes, it was for the plot reasons, but let's agree, he at least considered a possibility that he could run into Kaveh there. But he never did. And what's more, he found out that the Academia was abducting scholars and sucking their brains out. Let's be real, the theory that Kaveh was send to the desert for the reasons connected to knowledge capsules, most likely was on Alhaitham's mind, and in a bad universe it could've been correct.

Well, Kaveh did return home after all. But by that point Alhaitham's supressed stress about this whole situation was so great, that it resulted in him being genuinely salty at Kaveh during their first on-screen dialog and even saying "Well, maybe then you should move out of my house" - which, at least from my point of view, is way worse then his usual teasing about Kaveh being broke and homeless or whatever.

6. About Kaveh's role in the archon quest besides making Alhaitham sad

Ag, that's a very fun topic. I don't know how I totally missed it the first time, maybe it was the lack of respect for Kaveh, idk, but he was 100% purposefully sent away for the time of the quest.

Sages wanted to move him out of the picture just like they wanted to do with Alhaitham using knowledge capsule. Except they knew that Kaveh would not be too interested in the capsules. So they needed something else to remove him... Like a sudden very urgent request to build a children's hospital somewhere very deep in the desert for people who are literally dying without it! Huh, well, I just made it up, but I believe that sages came up with something very similar.

Kaveh is the type of person to jump straight into any charity he sees and ask next to none questions about it, so it would be the easiest way to send him away for good. Plus I believe that it could've been the reason why he didn't talk with Alhaitham about it and disappeared so sudden. Children are dying! No time for talking! But then he arrived to the said place in the desert and it was just a mess. Maybe a fake project, maybe literally nothing, maybe a trap. In other words - not the project he was told he is needed for.

It's something that we don't get spelled out for us (Alhaitham even denies it cause he's angry at that moment), but timings are just too perfect to be a coincidence. And that's not the only proof - Kaveh himself heavily implies that there was something very fishy about this mission.

He straight up avoids answering Alhaitham's questions about it, and says "Thinking about it makes me angry". Why would he say this about the Academia project? It's not like he had a specific annoying client. Kaveh was sent as a representative from the Academia to be the head of some "construction project" after all, he presumably was the boss there. So it can only mean that there was something wrong with the project itself.

Plus immediately after he finds out that his sage was a part of the conspiracy, he says "So that's why they sent me there", which further implies that whatever was happening on that mission in desert – it was either absurd (if the sages just wanted to keep Kaveh away for some time) or very dangerous (if they wanted him dead). Unfortunately Kaveh's the last person who would tell us about the danger to his life, so we can forget about learning what the hell was that mysterious mission.

Ah, and about why would sages want Kaveh away. Sure it can be because of his connections to Alhaitham, but…

I think anyone who knows Kaveh more then 10 minutes would know that if he found out what sages are planning to do with a literal child and what they do to other scholars, he would die but not let them continue all of it. And he is quite popular among students and citizens alike, so he could've been a potential threat for the sages.

Makes me wonder how many other potential dangers did sages eliminate in some way for their plan. Probably not too many, but still interesting behind the scenes of their actions.

AND NOW, AFTER ALL THIS THINKING, I FINNALY, FINALLY, WAS ABLE TO UNDERSTAND ALHAITHAM'S FINAL LINES IN THE ARCHON QUEST.

Let's return to the end of the act 5. After we had a feast at the Grand Bazar, we were able to one last time talk to each member of our Sumeru-rescue team.

Alhaitham said this:

Which was always bothering me, because:

One: He suddenly becomes quite sentimental and talks about happiness, which is cool to see, but at the same time... He very rarely talks about subjective emotions. And what's more, he seems genuinely enjoying the thought of it. He isn't really the kind of person who gets his sense of satisfaction out of someone else's happiness (it's one of the things he parallels Kaveh in), so what's this all about?

Two: He extremely abruptly switches the topic to point out that he "seems to have taken both keys when he left the house" (tbh I thought that I accidentally clicked on him the second time and it's the new dialog, but no, it is all specifically a one long dialog).

Well well well. What do we have here.

When I first read these lines I decided that's it's just a weird writing without normal conversation flow. First Alhaitham is satisfied that he's plan worked and his daily life is safe, but says it through pointing out that other people are happy rather then explicitly stating that he's happy. Then he yaoi baiting us with "haha, harassing Kaveh is so much fun" and that's all there is to it.

But.

Now that we know more about Alhaitham's daily life during the archon quest, let's think about the keys some more.

He was able to take both keys because Kaveh was at home and his keys were there either. On his way out to meet us, Alhaitham saw Kaveh's keys on their usual place and took them as well, ultimately making Kaveh unable to leave the house. Which also means...

Kaveh will definitely be at home when Alhaitham returns after the feast.

So if we flip everything based on this logic, Alhaitham tells us: "This is a great evening. This gathering is special. People are finally happy. They feel happiness from the bottom of their hearts. And when I return home there will be someone waiting for".

Which is. So. PRECIOUS!.. Something clicked in my brain when I first realized this meaning and these lines are finally making a lot of sense!

It's the perfect final words for his little character journey in this quest. He protected the life he had and loved, everything and everyone were back to normal again and for him it is a true happiness felt from the bottom of his heart. Just precious.

Final words

Anyway, yes, that's why I believe that during the archon quest Alhaitham was actually constantly worrying about Kaveh at the back of his mind and maybe even feeling lonely, which resulted in his great boom of toxicity during their first on-screen dialog, but after some time he cooled down and slipped into his usual happy comfortable and not "nice and quiet" life again.

And fuck the sages for sending away our boy Kaveh (who actually knows a lot about desert since he works there often) and making our rescue-Nahida-group one competent person shorter.

Thanks for your time and tears, you, the person who read this!

[sageandred]

The "Real" Message of The Show

No matter what, people will be determined to classify someone as "bad" when a new series drops. like people can't be viewed through the lens of being "neutral" or "good people who make bad decisions"...despite that typically being how people are???

When I watched season one, I only really paid attention to Wille and Simon, but when I did a rewatch, I really saw all the moving parts and how much YR was a super cohesive story with intertwining of all of the character's experiences. At the center this show deals with different societal classes, upbringings, etc and we do actually see how that affects who these people are and what they do as the show goes on, and it's not meaningless/out of the blue.

Because no matter how much people want to act like it's not as impacting as it is: People are a product of their experiences.

Wille- If we're being real we saw him for a very small portion at the beginning of the show before everything blew up-him being super adorable, sweet, and awkward. Since being under his strict lifestyle and pressure, he's been going on this downward spiral-he has literally been becoming more and more in the image of his royal family since season 1 (and season 2 he was a lot of the same as 3, it just gets glossed over by his thoughtful decision at the end).

Since I first watched the show, it was clear to me how all of the backstory with August's character was not throwaway information. Tbh, what we know of him in season 1 was never enough to make sense of where his bad decision came from (I guess his insecurity..). But this season, they just gave so much more. And it's strange to me how strongly people react for either argument- of August being actually evil, or having to identify him as a good person [tbf I never thought he was a "bad" person per say, which is my whole point of writing this because for every character of a series (look at the reaction to Wilhelm this szn) people immediately have to sort them into good and bad columns on the judgement of morality and not just take story for what it is: story]. Again, with August his backstory has always added reason to why he is the way he is, but now knowing what we know with Erik, and being 1? 2? years older than Wille, his experience does make sense of what he did (when it's almost exactly the same thing with Wilmon). Because hurt people hurt people.

And with Sara, it's never been warranted the amount of hate she gets that insinuate she is evil. The show tells you very early on what her arc is gonna be: she places value on external things-she wants expensive clothes and to live in the fancy school and will try to impress to fit in with her new group of girl friends. And the irony is she lost it all after everything came out at the shooting range. She wanted what she never had and made decisions, because she thought that was what was important. She's a product of her experiences and it's also her experience-because she was bullied-that August's letter means even more to her and results in her kissing him.

Simon- has literally done nothing wrong (we're not talking about his decision to sell, because that's not really a choice that badly affects ppl other than mostly only himself).

Felice- has literally done nothing wrong; had the biggest positive transformation between seasons 1 and 2, because she stopped caring about external accolades (and that is also a representation of her being a product of her environment because of her mother).

And, to be clear I'm not saying people can't change how they are. Because, yeah Felice is a good example. August has surprised many people this season. Maybe August continues to change; maybe he doesn't. Wille has surprised people in his own way. Maybe we'll get more shocks in the final act. This show has always dealt with the subtext of personal experiences that lead to how people react.

[blacktreacle22]

Saw this post and it really sent me down a spiral:

And even if it was fresh air,

that debate has me reeling bc:

Amren suggested first that they should get out of the house (it’s true that it was for selfish or rather bigger reasons but she was THE FIRST to suggest that) [“if you want to start convincing your sisters (to help with patching up the wall) get them out of the house; being cooped up never helped anyone” - while in Amren’s apartament on the first day back in Velaris]

Then Cassian (Feyre: “Would you use her to see if she somehow can take down the wall? (About Nesta) Cassian: “Yes. Not only for our sakes but, she needs to get out of the house…she needs to…she’ll destroy herself if she stays cooped up in there.” - while carrying Feyre from Amren’s apartment after talking about the Book of Breathings, before the first dinner back in Velaris) (although I understand why this might not necessarily be taken into account, bc he mentioned only Nesta, for obvious reasons, but we could interpret…)

Then Lucien (“She needs fresh air. Take her to the sea, take her to some garden but get her out of this house for an hour.” - after their interaction in the library of the HoW)

Then Azriel (“Would you like me to show you the garden?” - upon moving Elain to the Townhouse)

So, if we want to give someone points for coming up with the idea for the sisters to get out of the house, it should be Amren. (People will probably not do this because her reason wasn’t selfless.)

If we want to refer to only Elain AND a selfless suggestion we’re looking at Lucien and Azriel.

If we want to think about who suggested it first and maybe persuaded Feyre’s decision it was Lucien or rather Feyre seeing through his eyes.

If we want to address who mentioned the garden first, as it is Elain’s domain, it was Lucien.

HOWEVER, (and I say this without actually hating any of the involved characters, in this case Lucien) Lucien firstly suggested the sea, then the garden. ALSO, he was actually told about Elain’s passion for gardening (while hiding in a cave in Winter court with Feyre).

Azriel mentioned this without anyone telling him the fact + he is the only one who actually asked Elain and not suggested to Feyre to make the decision.

I didn’t mean for this to turn into another point to Azriel, I actually wanted to say that in terms of this debate I would rather not even consider it at this point.

But now, I am again inclined to be team Azriel because it is very interesting that the two situations are juxtaposed immediately (as soon as Lucien heads out of the library Feyre asks Rhys for Cassian or Azriel to help with the move) and we are seeing for the first time how one addresses Elain in third person, while the addresses her directly.

- Again, these are my thoughts, I actually started this post convinced I am not even going to care anymore about the “getting out of the house” debate.

- I do not think Lucien suggesting that is bad, not at all, I am just saying that in comparison, he just used the information he had as opposed to making an assessment. I genuinely don’t want to “deduct any points” or something.

Also, these were some of my thoughts prior to being prompted for this post right here, and I have been accused that what I said was not factually correct ( it just so happens that I had some other unspoken theories about her leaving the room earlier than I mentioned in that post ).

Ok bye!!!

[tabbyhoney]

Gorgeous

A fanfiction for 'Fear of' from @sleepwalkersqueen

Note:Well... This is the last chapter:D. Was a lot of fun to write something again after such a long time. Hope you all enjoyed it and perhaps one day I might be writing something again haha<3

Big thanks to my friend who proofread every chapter for me and to everyone who read the story.

<<Last ••• Next>> (Cause apparently I could not not write another chap)

Warnings:Swearing, mention and implied r*pe, angsty stuff(?)

Chapter 05

Shining light came through the windows of the two-story building. The white painting of the facade chipped at each edge. Ivy climbed up to the roof, shining a deep green, making the endless path of gray concrete appear more lifelike. Cats walk around silently in the early morning of Fukuoka, wandering around on the empty streets.

A messed-up futon was neatly placed in the middle of the upper-floor apartment.

A woman was entangled in the sheets, her breathing slow and steady. Light tickled her pale face, which, upon closer inspection, looked restless compared to the atmosphere.

The phone ringing made the woman cuddle closer to the bedsheets, covering her head with her pillow, hoping the noise would soon fade into the void again.

For a second, the uninvited noise stopped, and it came back not long after it left. With a loud groan, she threw the pillow and blanket to the side and picked up her phone. Her shirt hung low over her shoulder, exposing her tender skin with a fleshy looking wound that seemed to have healed oddly.

Fire idiot calling...

"Howashi speaking," she voiced tiredly, wanting to fall back into her comfy futon. Back to her sweet dreams of a life she wished for.

"You no longer have to work with Takami," Endeavour growled.

Without giving it a second, he hung up the phone. Leaving Amaya alone with the beeping sound of an ending call. She had to blink a few times to let the new information sink in.

She jumped up from her futon, calling Endeavour again.

It dialed...

"Endea-"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?" She yelled, not interested in hearing his greeting.

"Howashi, calm down. You have no reason to be this upset, now you can talk with any of the prisoners and get rid of Takami."

"Why? Is he getting-?"

"I don't know and don't care, Imawashi gets him back." The voice left no room for arguments or complaints.

But Amaya is never really one to back down too easily. Especially with injustice that.

"Imawashi?! You know what he did to Shinyo, how could a hero let something like that happen again?! He fucking rape-!"

He ended the call.

"That little-!!!" She growled.

No time was wasted and no skincare was done as she got dressed and stormed out of the house, calling the Tartarus prison repeatedly in hopes of reaching someone, she would even take Imawashi.

"Howashi-san, what can I do for you? You have your free week right now."

"Yes, I know, uhm... Listen, Endeavour told me I would be removed from B-74, but I do not see a reaso-"

"Ah yes, yes! Imawashi will be assigned to him again, so there is no need to wor-"

"You gotta be kidding me. Everyone knows what he did, why is he even allowed to go back to him?"

"Well, it is how it is. Good day, Howashi-san."

The man from the prison hung up, leaving Amaya alone with her racing mind that spiraled with an immense amount of hatred she had never felt in her life before. Especially targeted towards the number two.

"Why are you still coming?" Shinyo asked, baring his teeth.

"I like challenges," the therapist replied with a mysterious smile. Lips curling in a calculated motion—a sweet lie.

"Yeah, don't bullsh*t me."

She clenched her teeth tightly, creating an uncomfortable pain. At that moment, she was pretty lucky to not have her sharp canines anymore, having been sanded down to a more human-like shape. A decision she grew to regret but came in handy at most times.

"Where are your canines anyway?"

"Hm? Oh, they have been sanded down, and it costs a fortune to have it done."

"Aye, and why the fuck would you do that shit?"

"I told you before, never been proud of being a mutant."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Pick up, please," Amaya muttered, picking the soft skin on her fingers, feeling the negative emotions from so many years ago rising in her chest yet again.

A phrase she said more often than she ever did, 'I love you' to her ex-boyfriend. At least ever since she had a fight with Minori, her closest friend, about a situation, she was just too overwhelmed due to news from a gynecologist about her own organs.

"Fuck!" She exclaims, throwing her phone with such force to the ground that the screen breaks and a corner crumbles.

"Easy, little lady," the bartender said, wiping away a little stain from the round table. "The phone didn't hurt you."

"And neither did she, and I still acted like an ass."

"We both know you didn't, you were just overwhelmed."

"Tch... Not an excuse."

"Easy now," he said calmly. "Did you at least reach an authority from Tartarus?"

"Yes... I can come back tomorrow, but I fear it isn't soon enough." Amaya laid her head on the table, burrowing her face in her arms.

"How bad can it be?"

"With Shin? Definitely the worst, he's just like," she halted, looking up and snapping her finger. "Like a cat that wanted to be tame but got kicked one too many times."

"Ah! And are you sure it doesn't come with the fact that you have a little crush on him?"

She lifts her head back up, looking at the bartender with a forced neutral expression. "Why would you think I have a crush?"

He smirked like a cheshire cat and said, "Right, no crush, you are hopelessly in love with Takami the thief otherwise, you would not have dumped your boyfriend."

Amaya pursed her lips. As much as she wasn't the biggest fan of admitting her feelings for Shinyo out loud, no one fools a bartender. "Perhaps I am," she sighed. "That was not how I wanted it to end, but here we are."

The bartender chuckled, a kind chuckle with no judgment behind it. "You'll learn from this."

Of course that was the line he would say. Because all advice was a circle. The same repetitive phrases for every single crisis in life. No matter how much truth it held, it would never be advice with an actual solution. Empty, hollow promises.

With a forced smile and the corners of her lips forming into a calculated smile with no wrinkles, she said, “Of course." Her voice sounded sincere and kind, but hollow.

With this, she chugs down her pink lady, pushing herself up from the creaky chair. her steps clicking on the floor as she gets behind the stage and into the rooms for the performers. Even though it would be hours before the Pink cavern would open, the backstage area was filled to the brim with various women and men. Noticeably more mutants.

She followed her way through to one of her private dressing rooms. A small room that smelled of various perfumes and deodorants.

The room was an eyesore. Costumes, accessories, and various props are all scattered across the small room. The makeup table was overflowing with different containers of various cremes, paints, and oils. Glitter containers are spilling over because they have been knocked over. The walls looked like they belonged in 1920.

Overall, the room looked like it belonged to a child or, worse, a hoarder who never got any help and died in the chaos.

A click echoed through the silent room, and the door closed. Amaya sat down in the creaky chair, creating a skin-crawling noise that made her shiver in response.

Her eyes lost the arrogant glimmer. Her posture didn’t scream confidence. With the worry gnawing at her brain and heart, she felt like she was unable to relax until she made sure Shinyo was relatively safe, not like other methods weren't just as bad as Imawashi.

“How's the boyfriend doing?” Shinyo asked, grinning like a dog.

“Hm? Why?"

“Ahh, you know." Just curious since your cheek doesn’t look like you just came from wrestling.

Amaya rolled her eyes. “Haha, very funny,” she said, unimpressed.

“You should dump him.”

“And you shouldn't marry someone you just met.”

“Aye too late for that, and my death has already separated us.”

Sweet memories that are actually not sweet. They all share one thing, and that is a trust that was built on pillars of loose sand. Hauntingly sweet in dreams and the day.

—-----------------------------------------------------

Sky blue. 

If there was more beautiful scenery, Amaya wouldn't know her. The wind was cold on her fair skin, and her jacket was barely able to keep her form warm. Strawberry-blonde hair is whipping through the sea wind.

Brown wings carry her through to her destination, an island inhabiting the most dangerous criminals the world has ever known. 

Face filled with nothing but pure anxiety.

As she entered the facility, greeting some colleagues here and there., she stormed through to the changing rooms. Locking her bag away along with her jacket, which for some reason was drenched with sea water, made it smell salty and unwelcoming.

“I know you don't want to talk about it, but... I really don't want to trust some videos and, excuse me for my language, an asshole who deserves to be locked away more than you.”

“You are always a charmer,” Shinyo said, his muscles tensing. “Why should I tell you something you already know?”. After so much time has passed and the lack of humanity inside this hellhole except for one singular person, even Takami Shinyo has a hard time not dwelling in the comfort, especially since every second could be his last.

Sometimes he wondered what happened to the comforting face of his Nitsuki, his wife, his love of his life. Having long forgotten what the shape of her face or smell was, he couldn't even remember the last memory they shared together. 

All replaced by an image of a woman he should hate and distrust. Sky blue siren eyes that only lost their spark twice since they met. Blonde hair that has this rich rose gold shimmer when the cold light hits it, appearing warm and comforting. The smell of fresh air and newly washed clothes hanging in the summer breeze filled his nose whenever she entered the room. How he longed for her touch. The memory of his breakdown turned into a happy incident whenever he remembered how close he was to her, the warmth of her body pressing into him. Her fingers brushing through his sticky, unkempt hair.

And her heartbeat.

He never heard a heartbeat so intact with every emotion on display. How her lips spoke the truth, gently leading him away. A song and perhaps a sweet little lie weaved into her every word that he clung onto like a stray.

Every step that felt like running through a forest made her heart race faster. Breathing, something always so calm and natural, felt like a task Amaya wished to discard to someone more suitable for the job. Her eyes were scanning through every boring detail in halls and doors, especially the doors. Opening them as fast as possible, not fearing if there might be an alarm to set off if you work through the doors too quickly.

The silence in the small cell was calming. You could hear a small scratching of a pen on paper and the breathing of two people.

The man, Takami Shinyo, studied the face of his assigned therapist, Howashi Amaya. Noticing that despite all odds and his general sense of self-protection, she was indeed a beauty, many would lick their fingers to even talk to her, she was somehow familiar. A face made for a superstar. The best part for him, which didn’t include her appearance, was that she was incredibly smart at times and had a talent she didn’t use.

But her eyes…

Her eyes are sky blue.

It felt strangely empty in Tartarus—too empty. There are no guards patrolling, even most of the cameras seem to be forgotten. How strange.

The deeper Amaya went down, the more the prison felt like a lost place. Not even a sound from anyone could be heard. No talking, grunting, or even screams.

Reaching the correct level, a scream, shudder running down the spine of Amaya, a scream haunting her dreams just like all the images from every photo and recording she had to endure. Then followed silence.

With featherlight steps, stop in front of the big iron door. Her heart felt like a machine that had been running for a decade without any maintenance.

When the door burst open after several minutes, Amaya was promptly run over by a bloody and heaving animal… In reality, it was not an animal but Shinyo. Pressing his slightly taller body into her. Hands covered in blood and pupils as small as sandcorn.

Shinyo stared down at a wide-eyed Amaya. Listening to her heartbeat like he never had before, she was scared—a simple observation.

Cautiously, to not cause her more stress than necessary, he gently placed his blood covered hand on her cheek. Her skin was hot, and blood stayed out like a thorn on her skin. In secret desire, Shinyo found it to be incredibly hot to look at her like this, if he could ignore her damn heartbeat.

“Your eyes are really pretty, like the sky-”

"Sky,” they say in unison.

“Say no, and I'll stop, '' Shinyo whispered. Leaning closer into Amaya, he presses his body weight even more into her, trapping her. Ever so gently, his chapped and bruised lips touched hers. A pang of guilt spread in him, which he immediately stomped out like a fire, considering what happened earlier.

Her lips tasted like…

Like her. Nothing compared to anything he has ever tasted before, and it was just perfect. Soft lips and even softer skin. Able to smell more than her usual freshly washed clothes in the summer scent. No, he was able to smell even the smaller scents now. The paper and ink, the salty sea, the smell of a burlesque bar.

How could a woman he knew for five years now be so perfect in every way, even though her flaws are so evident? So infuriating, even.

A hunger like never before spread across Shinyo, clouding his mind. Abandoning her lips to kiss along her neck. One hand is going behind her neck, the other roaming over her body. A sweet yelp along with a sharp inhale left her lips—a sweet sound he wanted to hear more of.

“Shinyo”

He didn't hear.

“Shinyo!”

He didn’t stop.

"Takami!” she tried again. “Stop!". Her hands were already trying to push him away, he didn't even move an inch.

This time, though, he stopped. Looking down at her with big eyes.

“I... we... we shouldn't,” she said with a shaking voice. Gasping for air, cheeks flushed a pale pink.

Her rib cage moved in a calm pattern. Drawing in Shinyo's gaze as his foggy brain tried to analyze her words.

But once his brain finally connected the dots, he hovered over her in a more appropriate way, if that was even possible considering he basically just tried to eat her.

She started feeling another surge of fear crawling into her brain. She felt like she should have just let it happen, endured the pain, and don't complain. Who knows what he might do to her? After all, just because he didn't kill her now doesn-

A quick look inside the cell made her blood freeze. The fact that Shinyo immediately pushed her face away from the scene was just a second too late.

Lifeless eyes and a gory horror scene one hopes would never see.

“Don't look,” he said with a serious voice. “You shouldn't have to see that”

“I-is that Imawashi?”

“He was”

Amaya closed her eyes. Letting her thoughts ramble for any kind of solution or excuse. Calming her heartbeat by the second she chose one of her hopefully not so regrettable decisions.

“My ID is in my coat, the code is 54782.”

He stared down at her, not even sure if what he heard was the truth. Did Amaya really tell him the code for the door? Let alone, he needed an ID.

“I know the longer code, don't worry about me and go. Through all the green doors you see, until you can decide which elevator, take the one in the corner that looks way too old to be allowed in here.

There was no goodbye. Just a mutant with gorgeous red wings leaving the prison.

The highest security prison in the world.

He escaped Tartarus, a place no one leaves alive.

—-----------------------------------------------------

Glittering highlighter was dabbed onto her skin with a soft and puffy brush. A golden shimmer was left behind, like expensive jewelry. 

The show outfit resembled a typical burlesque outfit, with feathers and gold. A corset fit snuggly on her upper body, displaying what little she had to offer.

Amaya moved into position, ready for the show to start.

The curtains opened, and the first people to recognize her cheered instantly. The music, along with the choreographed movements, burned into her brain like nothing else. A message  she needed to bring out into the world, hoping that one day it might be different again. The problem holding her longer captive than those red eyes she can't remove from her mind.

“You should take it as a compliment

If I were you, I would be more confident

You're lucky that you're pretty

Why are you obsessed with your appearance?

I don't wanna hear it, you're fine

It's been my best-kept secret for a while now

No one ever sees it, but it's all around

It's the dinner conversation no one talks about

Don't know how much longer I can keep this down

Beauty is a knife I've been holding by the blade

Swallowing my pride so I won't eat anything

It's all a lie, honestly, it's eating me alive

They're all like

"Did you change your hair?"

"Did you lose a little weight?"

"You should keep it up 'cause it really looks great"

I hate that I always look my best

When I'm dying on the inside

When I'm dying on the inside

I wish I could break the mirror

That makes me feel like I should fucking disappear

And drown my demons in a bathtub filled with tears

No matter what I try, they always seem to come back to life

What if I didn't do this to my body?

What if I quit and then you don't want me?

The dinner conversation no one talks about

Don't know how much longer I can keep this down

Beauty is a knife I've been holding by the blade

Swallowing my pride so I won't eat anything

It's all a lie, honestly, it's eating me alive

They're all like

"Did you change your hair?"

"Did you lose a little weight?"

"You should keep it up 'cause it really looks great"

I hate that I always look my best

When I'm dying on the inside

When I'm dying on the inside

When I'm dying on the inside

You should take it as a compliment

If I were you, I would be more confident

You're lucky that you're pretty

Why are you obsessed with your appearance?

I don't wanna hear it, you're fine

Beauty is a knife I've been holding by the blade

Swallowing my pride so I won't eat anything

It's all a lie, honestly, it's eating me alive

They're all like

"Did you change your hair?"

"Did you lose a little weight?"

"You should keep it up 'cause it really looks great"

I hate that I always look my best

When I'm dying on the inside”

Applause held a feeling that should have its own word. It brings joy, a confirmation for the artist that whatever was presented was enjoyable.

It had been a long time since Amaya has been able to enjoy the praise. No longer was there this bitter aftertaste like before.

With lots of air kisses and waving the audience goodbye, she left the stage. Feeling the afterglow of the performance in the air. All the other artists started to compliment her.

She quickly made her way back to her room, discarding the sweat drenched costume in a corner. Putting on a tight fitting black dress, a cutout in the front.

In a silence that, of course, was filled with chatter from the outside, she calmed down in peace. But the peace was not meant for long because Amaya remembered something. Endeavour, along with any trace of Shinyo, was missing. Minori never answered her phone as well. Amaya was so desperate at that point that she even tried to contact Harima, Minoris' husband.

But nothing.

Amaya scratched her neck. This was way too stressful for an outsider. But she wasn't an outsider, it was her fault since the beginning of all that happened. She should have never gotten involved with a criminal in the first place.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Come in,” she said.

The nice bartender opened the door, having an apologetic smile. “Sorry to interrupt, but someone wants to see you.”

She tilted her head. Since there was no other choice but to find out who wanted to see her, Amaya decided it would be best to just get to this someone. In secret, she hoped it was Shinyo, Minori, or even Endeavour.

When she entered the bar, it was strangely empty. Less than a handful of people.

Walking over to the bar, where a tall man with a white suit was standing beside him. Leaning against the counter, she looks up to him.

“You wanted to see me?" she said. As he looked down on her she could tell something inside her told her to run away.

“Yes, you are Howashi Amaya, correct?”

“That's me”

“Say… Do you know Takami Shinyo?”

“... Why?”

“It is just that I would like to talk to him, even if you don't know where he is right now, I still like to know what the bird sang in prison.”

He is dangerous.

“I don't know him,” Amaya said as soon as she came to the conclusion.

“Huh,” he hummed. He placed his hand in a caressing way on her forearm. “And here I thought you worked with him, as his therapist in Tartarus.”

“I-” She can't move.

“How about we talk in private, yeah? I am sure you won't mind singing for me,” he chuckled, adding one last thing “How rude of me, little lady, My name is Junto, and don't worry, you will not forget.”

[lurkingshan]

I've been following your discussions on ephemerality vs permanence, control & voyeurism, and on that theme I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on Boston having that video of Mew and Ray. It seems odd that he'd hold on to it for two years, without their knowledge, only to use it in a power play that isn't even fully about Mew. What do you think is happening there? I feel like it has to play into the power dynamics in his relationship with Mew, the way they hold each other in apparent contempt but stick together, as well as Boston's voyeurism and how he'd delight in holding some sort of compromising secret against Mew without his knowledge, but I haven't got any fully realised thoughts about it yet, so I'd love to hear your perspective.

Hi anon, thank you for asking! I have mentioned before that it feels like we're still missing a lot of information about this friend group and their history together, so there may be some information coming to give context to this particular incident and why Boston felt the need to record it. But my current suspicion is that his decision to record and keep this was not initially that deep or sinister.

Boston is a photographer; his instinct is to document what he sees. In the very first episode, he was walking around with a camera taking pictures of the surroundings. In the second episode, after he asked Nick to pose for some photographs, we saw how serious he is about this when it was revealed that he has his own private dark room. Most student photographers would use a dark room at school (think Ink in Bad Buddy), but Boston has built his residence around his photography, indicating this is much more than a casual hobby for him. He tells Nick that he likes to have mementos of certain people and moments in his life, and he hangs on to the photo strip from his first hookup with Top (I don't think it's a coincidence that his first time with Top has a connection to his love for photography; that's a signal that this was meaningful to him).

In accordance with this interest of his, Boston is a natural voyeur and keen observer of other people. He notices everything that is happening with his friends, and he is always documenting it, even if just in his own mind. He knows about Ray's feelings for Mew; he also knows Mew does not feel the same. He knows Mew has a chip on his shoulder about his virginity. He knows Top needs to feel like an alpha. He knows Nick can be appeased with some vague weasel words and a small bit of affection. And he uses all of this information to his advantage when the need and opportunity presents itself. He seems to have little to no qualms about doing so; Boston ruthlessly pursues what he wants and he doesn't really have any sense of loyalty.

On top of that, I tend to agree with you that Boston has some kind of longstanding issue with Mew. The way he digs at Mew about his virginity is hard to miss. It might just be that Mew's self-righteousness about sex grates on him on principle, and he wants to knock him down a peg. Or it could go deeper. I have been reading it as something of an inferiority complex, given that we know Mew is also a top student. Perhaps sex is the only arena in which Boston feels superior to Mew, and so he wants him on his playing field so that he can beat him at something. When he first hooked Mew up with Top, he clearly expected Top to sleep with him once and then move on, like he did with Boston; the fact that Mew actually got Top to pursue him seriously threw Boston off and pushed him into a bit of an obsessive spiral over Top.

So, back to your question: why did he record Ray and Mew doing whatever it is they did a couple years ago? At that time, it was probably simply because he saw it, and his instinct is always to observe and document. Boston is someone who likes knowing things and keeping a record, and he always has a camera ready. I'm not sure there needs to be any deeper reason than that. I doubt he recorded it with the conscious thought that one day he would use it to humiliate or expose them, though depending on how early this issue with him and Mew and sex popped up, he may already have been thinking that Mew is a hypocrite and here was his proof. But even if that wasn't the case then, when he saw an opportunity to use Ray's feelings for Mew to his advantage in his play for Top, he pulled this up from the archives and recognized it was the perfect ammunition. And as I mentioned above, he has no qualms about using it to his advantage.

Tagging in @chickenstrangers who I know also had a lot of thoughts about Boston's photography, and @ranchthoughts @waitmyturtles in case you have anything to add on the voyeurism thread.

[captain-mj]

Black Coffee

Poll at the end

Soap gave Ghost a cup of black coffee from the cafeteria. It didn’t look that good, but he’d drink it. 

Ghost shifted and Soap settled into his side. “Hate hospitals.”

“They’re not my favorite either.” 

Ghost grabbed his hand and gently rubbed circles into it. The nurse told them a while ago that Jason was sleeping off drugs from surgery. He was doing fine, as fine as one could with a gunshot at least, but he was breathing. 

“Can’t believe this all started because I had a crush on my barista. He was the one that dragged me into the coffeeshop.” Ghost stroked his inner wrist, tracing his veins. 

Soap hesitated. “Your friends seem really concerned about something. I want to know what they’re worrying about.” 

Ghost sighed. “My little… incident.” 

He didn’t want to talk about this. 

He had to though. Didn’t he? He had been avoiding it for weeks. 

“Tried to kill myself.” 

Soap flinched. Those pretty blue eyes went wide. 

“It’s complicated. I got high on some underground stuff. Specifically for dragons. Works a bit like weed I’m told but that’s not how it went for me. Then I was in my bathroom and it didn’t seem like a bad idea.

Then a few days passed. Knew I was sober. And I still wanted to. So I did. Price found me. Said he had never seen someone so pale.”

“Bad trip?”

“No. Good trip. Just made me realize how fucking miserable I was. I thought of my life. Where I was. How many people I buried. And part of me gave up. Stayed down. I’ve pushed forward my whole life, but suddenly I just couldn’t.” Ghost drank the coffee. “You’re sweet, Soap. Really are. But you’ve seen the scars. I’m sure you can piece together some awful things happened to me. Then I came home and more awful things happened.”

“When I said those things…” 

Ghost laughed. “Jesus, Johnny. I got upset. Made some questionable decisions. But I didn’t plan on bleeding myself dry any time soon. It’s been hard convincing all of them of this.” 

Soap nodded. “I can imagine.” His fingers were warm as they pressed against his wrist. For a moment, Ghost though he was feeling for scarring before those fingertips settled right on his pulse. 

“I’m alive, Johnny. And I’m right here.” Simon softened. 

Soap shook his head. “I’m sorry. I-”

Ghost yanked his wrist away. “No. None of that. I don’t want apologies from you. I wish everyone would just move on. I keep giving people time and they just don’t move on.” 

Soap nodded and looked down at his hands. 

They sat in silence for a long while before a nurse let them know that Jason had woken back up. 

Ghost stalked forward quickly, the world finally started to feel right again. 

Jason smiled and sat up. “Did it work?”

Ghost stepped to the side to show him Soap. Jason immediately brightened. 

“Nice to formally meet you, Soap.” He grinned. Dumb and toothy. Just like his best friend. 

“Jason. Very nice to finally get to know you.” Soap grabbed a chair. 

The two got on like a house on fire. Both of them had a lot in common. 

Ghost felt himself falling into his normal silence, watching the two of them. Jason looked pale, but definitely alive. There was an IV pumping who knows what into his body and he noticed Jason hitting the morphine button every three minutes. One minute longer than the minimum. Smart. He did have an addicting personality. Better to try to wait as long as he could with the pain management. If he got addicted, Ghost would have to watch him. Make sure he stayed alive and not overdosing. 

Jason hummed. “Simon. You’re doing it again.”

“Hmm?”

“Thinking super hard. You tend to go in spirals.” Jason smiled before looking at Soap. “If you see him scrunching up his mouth and looking distant, that’s why. Dangerous to let his thoughts wander.”

“So I’ve heard.” 

Soap was getting all types of intel on Ghost. It made him nervous. He hoped no one else gave him any more information. 

The universe was against him. He knew that once any of the other guys got around Soap, they would spill everything. It used to scare him. Being known. 

But it felt okay, right now.

Jason told Soap a few stories from their childhood, mostly talking about Simon’s partying days. It felt like when he was a teen and his mom told his crushes stories about when he was a baby. 

He realized after a minute that’s exactly what it was. Jason was doing it on purpose. The bastard. 

The nurse kicked them out eventually and Soap held Ghost’s hand as they walked. They fell in step with each other and Soap kissed his hand a few times. 

“Wayne.”

“What about him?”

“What do we plan on doing with him?” Ghost asked. “If you wanted, we could get him out of jail. Thought maybe you’d want face to face confrontation. Or I could snipe him for you.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Taglist: @the-snarky-dragon @elevencloudsofnine-blog @lukewarm-chickensoup @nervouspsychologynerd @korym @cthulhusstepmom @princess-heathen @revenge-of-the-bucket-demon @roachboy @shadowsnowberry @crazies-unanimous @shiftylookingcrow @joltom @xenomorphee3 @thedeepvoidinmyheart

[pumpkinmagekupo]

What's right?

Before leaving the Vigil, Mizuki found as many written accounts as she could.

She had to write a report on her excursion to the Vigil but how much did she include about what happened- how much was actually known?

She frowned and looked at the scraps of letters. It was as though she could feel the overwhelming emotions following from them: the confusion, the hurt, the sadness, the anger..

"You look conflicted," Edmont joined her by the fire "Ever since you've returned from your trip to Dusk Vigil."

Mizuki sighed "I am not sure you'd wish to know-"

"May I?" he asked, gesturing to the small pile of paper next to her. She paused and handed him them.

"I found them on the knights frozen corpses.. I have detailed everything in my report to the Lord Commander but- I think I should rewrite it.."

Edmont inspected the torn letters, he closed his eyes in thought before passing them back. "It is worse than imagined then."

"I have no doubt that he was a good man but-" Mizuki paused "after the calamity and everything changed so drastically, it is no doubt he lost his way."

"He did what he thought was right...and held onto that notion until he spiralled into madness but such fervent loyalty caused a split in the garrison in two minds of whether to follow or revolt-... to live or to die-"

"Ishgard never sent aid. Everything was in turmoil- it was folly to stay at the Vigil but he saw it his charge to hold fast." Edmont added, but it did little to ease the frown on Mizuki's brow.

"I thought to try and inform the families but- would they want to know what truly became of their loved ones?" Mizuki felt like she was off loading too much on Edmont "forgive me! I'm rambling-"

"If it were your family..would you want to know?" Edmont asked,

Mizuki frowned "I don't know...Remembering as they were or what they became? Would it not be insulting to ignore their struggles in their last moments? but what comfort would that bring to a family that already grieved -" Mizuki felt emotions bubbling in her throat, it hurt to speak. "Would they-" she struggled to get the words out "would they still love them in their hearts?"

"It is right to tell the truth but....if that truth would hurt someone...is it still right?"

"They do say ignorance is bliss." Edmont quoted.

"I will deliver my report to the Lord Commander...I will do as he wishes...as an outsider it isn't place to make that decision."

Edmont rose to his feet and gestured Mizuki to follow. She did and Edmont hugged her.

"Your compassion is comforting. Your heart full of kindness. And you shall always find those things here also."

"thank you-"

"Cry out your emotions. I can see it still troubles you- Fear not.. I won't tell anyone."

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

More silly rambles in one day?!

Have to get them out or I'll forget. Who knows if any of this makes sense.

[fizzyxcustard]

Covert Eyes (17)

Prologue| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

Fandom: Spooks

Pairings: Lucas North x OC (Amy Holland)

Warnings: Stalking behaviour, anxiety, language, sexual references, angst, smut, heartbreak, gunshot wounds and recovery.

Summary: Lucas takes notice of a young woman, Amy, but his obsession and want to get to know her begin to spiral out of control. Amy knows that her recovery won’t be quick, and she now has another decision to face. 

Official soundtrack list:  here

Comments/Notes: This fic is back after a long hiatus, and the main reason it was on hiatus was because I just felt that people weren't interested, and I was never asked where this fic had gone. However, my dear friend @the-fragile-heart-of-a-lady helped me to pick this fic back up. Thank you, my sweets. <3

If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in. The above image was made by me using images found online. 

I also wanted to stipulate, and I don’t mean to be rude, but if you ask to be on my tag list and never interact (even if just a ‘like’ on the chapters I post) then I will remove you after a few weeks. Please try and show some kind of engagement, or ask to be taken off my list if you’re no longer interested.

It was early December, and Amy had settled in quite well with her colleagues. She shadowed Jo and Ruth Evershed regularly, watching them closely as they run checks on subjects. The daily board meetings were always informative, and she had begun to fill out her own notebook, compiling bullet points on the way operations were run. Ros actively involved Amy in chats that she had with the team, beckoning her to follow and listen in. Sometimes Amy even sat in with live operations, listening on headphones to those who were out on the ground, mainly Lucas and Jo. Most of the Brevity terminology went over her head, but hearing everything live began to put the job into some kind of perspective for her. 

One thing that Amy enjoyed in particular was her budding friendship with Tariq. The two of them were often found with a cup of tea or coffee in hand, laughing at some obscure joke as they scoured CCTV footage. Their desks were next to one another, so Amy always had Tariq on hand to ask any questions. All she had to do was spin in her chair to the left hand side, and he was there. 

Her working hours didn’t always match Lucas’, so it wasn’t too often that they travelled home together, but they did travel in together. Most of their mornings still consisted of their regular café spot with coffee and a bagel. Amy would sit in their usual spot, remembering all the mornings where they were merely acquaintances. 

“It was your perfume that I first noticed. Olympia by Paco Robbane,” Lucas said one morning. Rain was dripping down the café windows and a thick mist had descended on London. “Then I turned and saw you working in your notebook. Who’d have thought we’d be sat here now, engaged and working together.” 

Amy rested against his shoulder, feeling his arm curl around her. “Never in a million years would I have ever thought someone like you would have looked at me twice.” 

“I’ve looked at you many more times than that.” 

On Amy’s third week, she agreed to work late with Tariq that upcoming Friday. The night before and Amy announced it to Lucas. “I’m going to be working late with Tariq tomorrow. We’re running CCTV checks on the Spiller file and need to go through a few hours of footage.” Amy was stood at the sink, drying cutlery, while Lucas sat at the dining room table. 

Lucas’ jaw clenched for a split second and he looked away. He seemed to never see her once they passed the main security check point of Thames House. 

“What?” she asked sternly, tossing the tea towel to one side. 

“What?” Lucas asked, raising his eyebrow, feigning innocence. 

“Come on, don’t act dumb. I saw your face as soon as I said I was working late with Tariq. Is the problem me working late, or the fact it’s Tariq I’m working with? I agreed to mirror his shifts. Ros asked me to on the day I started.” 

“I never said anything.” 

“No, your face said it all.”

Lucas sighed. “I just thought that because we haven’t been able to spend much time at home together the last week, maybe we could do something tomorrow, start getting our Christmas shopping or something, and this is the first I’ve heard of you staying over late.” 

That was the first instance of Lucas showing any kind of irritation towards Amy and Tariq working together. But it became more plain to see whenever they were all together in the office. When Amy and Tariq were sat together, side by side, pouring over files and the computer screen, she would sometimes notice Lucas’ steel blue gaze watching them both whenever he was in close proximity. Other times his tall frame would slip past the desk, his hand brushing her arm. He only ever seemed to do this when she was sat with Tariq. It was as if his behaviour were becoming a warning sign, telling Tariq to back off. 

***

One evening, after work, as they both stepped into the flat, Amy decided to confront Lucas with what she had noticed, as his behaviour seemed to be getting worse. She placed her handbag down on the table, unwound her scarf from her neck and crossed her arms. “I know you’re jealous of Tariq and me being friends,” she said. “I’ve seen the way you watch us. Why are you jealous?” 

“I’m not,” Lucas insisted. 

“Please, don’t lie again,” Amy groaned. “If you’re jealous, fine. Just talk to me.” 

Lucas sighed and sat down at the table, beckoning for Amy to sit also. She straddled his lap and wound her arms around his neck. “I’ve nearly lost you a few times now, and I just…” 

“You won’t lose me to someone else, Lucas,” Amy interjected. “Tariq is lovely, don’t get me wrong. But you…you still make me go wild.” 

Lucas placed his head on Amy’s chest. “I’m being stupid, I know. You’re the most amazing thing that’s happened, and I’m terrified of losing you.” 

“You won’t,” Amy insisted again. She kissed his head and held him against her. “What do I have to do to make you see that? Even when I become Mrs. North, will that be enough for you? If I really wanted to, I could get insecure and worry that you’re secretly cheating on me with Jo. She’s gorgeous, and you’re out on operations with her regularly. I trust you. Why don’t you trust me?” 

Lucas still had his head on Amy’s chest, basking in the warmth of her and listening to her rhythmic heartbeat. “I don’t trust myself. These nightmares I have sometimes; I’m scared I’ll wake up and hurt you. You don’t want to be with someone who’s broken…like me.” 

“I don’t care if you’re broken. None of us are perfect and whole. I want to spend my life with you, Lucas. Please see that.” 

His blue gaze lifted and he looked at Amy, feeling himself sink into her green depths and beautiful, ethereal smile. They kissed slowly, the heat building, until neither of them could hold back anymore. Within a few minutes, they were making love on the table. Lucas had his jeans around his ankles, his hands holding Amy’s hips in place as he rocked back and forth into her. She groaned his name and brushed her hands through his hair, and then down his back, gripping his skin. 

Once they had finally climaxed and satisfied their lust, Lucas withdrew reluctantly, leaving a soft kiss on her lips. He turned his back to her for a couple of seconds, pulling his underpants and jeans back up. 

“Lucas?” Amy asked. 

Lucas turned back around to see Amy dismounting the table and looking at the slight inconvenience that he had left behind on the floor as it dripped from her. “Yeah?” 

“I don’t even know how to talk to you about this….” 

“What’s the matter?” 

“I…I know I’ve just started with you at section D, but I’m almost thirty three. I want a baby. Since getting with you, it’s become all I think about. It’s as though it never mattered before, but now I just feel like it’s something I need to do. I need to become a mum. I look at you, and I can’t imagine carrying anyone else’s child.” 

Lucas sighed, and slipped his arm around her waist. “We need to talk about this properly because we both know the risks we’re running by staying in the job and bringing children into this. I want a family, too. And I want to honour your want, Aim. I want to give us a baby.” 

“I know. I’d happily give it another year or two, but I won’t put a career before a family. The love you have from your family is what makes you, and that’s irreplaceable. If I quit work tomorrow, I’m replaceable there. So are you. Someone else would be signed on.” 

Amy made Lucas and herself a cup of tea and then sat down at the table. Lucas was holding her hand, his thumb tracing circles across her knuckles. “You’re quiet, Aim. What’s up?” He could see her gaze flitting around the room, not able to rest on him. In the usual way she did when nervous, Amy fiddled with the placemat on the table. 

“I’m…I’m slowing you down, I know I am,” Amy said, sighing. “You love your work, but now you’re with me…” 

“Where has this come from all of a sudden?” Lucas asked, blinking and cocking his head to the side questioningly. “I’ve never said that you’re slowing me down. Amy, you’re the most important thing to me, and I want to marry you. I want to be the father of your baby. Why don’t you think I want that?” 

“I see you at work. You live and breathe MI-5. All your past relationships have been people linked with your job, and then I come along and change that.”

“Not now. You are linked to my job now.”

“Yeah, but it didn’t start out that way. Very few people on the team have families, as in partners and children. It doesn’t work.” 

Lucas sighed. “Amy.” Then he groaned, running his hand through his hair. “Why are you putting this in the way of our future together? I don’t get it.”

“I changed you. Don’t deny it and say I didn’t, because I did.��� 

“Yes, and you changed me for the better.” Lucas leaned towards Amy and cupped her cheek. “You’ve got to have more hope than this. You’re stronger than this. We get married, try for a baby, and then realise the job doesn’t fit? We leave. It’s simple. My job was the only thing I had before you, and it was my life. Now, you’re my life.” 

The next day in the office and Amy was given the news that her training would be split into two main components; six weeks in Birmingham and then five weeks in London. Ros sat with Amy, flicking through a file of details. “We don’t have to enter you for surveillance training, but the time in Birmingham will have some surveillance aspects. It’ll be very basic, such as setting up observation points and photography. If you choose to develop later on and go into the field, then you’d need the extensive surveillance training.” 

Amy nodded along. 

“The training starts the second week of February. So we’ve still got you here for a little longer. And on that note, are you still interested in the meal and drinks tomorrow for Christmas?” Ros asked, offering one of her rare smiles. 

“Definitely,” Amy replied. “That’s if Tariq chooses to not stay over.” 

“How has Lucas been since you started with us?” Ros asked, her voice growing a little quieter. 

“He hasn’t said anything else since that day he walked in on us talking about me accepting the offer.”

Ros noticed Amy then look down at the table, unsaid words hanging in the air between them. But she decided not to push the matter any further. 

“Right, well, now that you’re booked onto the training, things seem to be moving properly.”

Amy offered a nervous smile. 

“Oh, and Amy?” 

“Yes?”

“I’m here if you ever want to talk. It doesn’t have to be about the job.” 

“Thank you, Ros.” 

Amy left the small office and sat back down at her desk, only to see Lucas come walking over to her, holding a coffee cup. “I brought you a coffee, love. Everything okay?” he asked. 

“Yeah, Ros was just going through my training schedule. I start off with six weeks in Birmingham.” 

“Oh, bad luck,” Lucas chuckled. 

“Birmingham isn’t that bad. Coventry is hardly a posh area, is it? And that is where little old me hails from. I’ll be back on weekends by the looks of it.” 

Amy sipped her coffee. “I was hoping to go and see Mum and Dad for New Year. Did you want to come up with me?” 

“I don’t think I’m on call then, so yeah.” 

***

Follow Forever tag list: @lathalea @linasofia @xxbyimm @knittastically @middleearthpixie @meganlpie @luna-xial @guardianofrivendell @asgardianhobbit98 @eunoiaastralwings @rachel1959 @msjava1972 @missihart23 @quiall321 @lemond57 @mrsdurin @evenstaredits @catthefearless @the-fragile-heart-of-a-lady @glassgulls @sazzlep @aliasauthor @solairewisteria @littlebird-99 @court-jobi @heilith @absentmindeduniverse @albionscastle @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hi! Could I please request some general x gender neutral reader dating headcanons with Magnus Chase from MCGA? I'd also love if the headcanons included some hurt/comfort related stuff, but that's completely up to you :) Thank you in advance, have a great day!

Hi Anon! Absolutely! I need to write more for Magnus, he's one of my favourite Riordanverse characters! I hope you like the headcanons! I went more into the hurt/comfort than general relationship headcanons.

You've given me inspiration for a hurt/comfort fanfic with Magnus so if you'd like to get notified when it comes out, just send an ask and I'll be able to answer it with the fanfic.

Fandom: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard

Pairing: Magnus Chase x gn! reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Magnus is a very supportive partner. Whatever your interests are, he'll read up on and do his best to remember bits of information so he can understand what you're talking about.

Likes taking you on relaxing dates. He doesn't particularly mind where you go, as long as he doesn't have to fight anything.

And as long as you aren't interrupted by every single one of his friends. It's happened before. It'll happen again.

If you're not a member of Hotel Valhalla, Magnus has a lot of worries about you. Least of all is his worry that he's going to have a hard time explaining why he doesn't age.

And as soon as he realizes that, he'll spiral into the realization that he will outlive you. I think Magnus would try to distance himself once he realizes that.

But staying away from you is probably the worst decision he's ever made. And his friends tell him that. It takes Alex finally taking Magnus aside and telling him that he's an idiot that finally gets through to him.

By that time, you've had enough of him avoiding you as well. When you confront him, he realizes that he can't just avoid you.

He doesn't tell you everything (not yet anyway) but you understand well enough that he's scared of losing you. Just give him some comfort and tell him you're not going anywhere.

He'll still be worried about the future but he can enjoy the time he can spend with you.

If you need comfort about anything, Mangus is there for you. He'll comfort you however you prefer but his go to method is taking you somewhere nice and listening to your problems before taking your mind off whatever's bothering you.

But if you just want someone to give you physical affection or even give you some personal space, Magnus is willing to do whatever you ask of him.

He values the support you show him, and he wants you to know that he's there for you as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, did you enjoy this? If you like my writing, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi page! This will allow me to make some money off my writing, something I enjoy doing.

ko-fi.com/justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms

Important Note: Please only donate if you are financially able to. If you are currently in a position where you can't donate, a like, comment, or reblog will mean just as much.

[haematophiliac]

@aetherceuse // There is an envelope delivered in the physician’s personal mailbox; this has been delivered to his home, not a PO Box connected to Rocket HQ. How anybody could had gotten this address is unusual— though, it would make sense if the envelope was looked at a little closer. The insignia of the Aether Foundation is stamped on the front, with no return address. Open the envelope, and a hand written letter is inside. To One Mr. Reitze, Once you have read this letter, you are to destroy it. My name is Lusamine Delacroix. I am the CEO and President of the Aether Foundation, an organization headquartered off of the shore of Melemele Island in Alola. It has come to my attention that you and I share several unusual networking connections; I have information regarding two subjects of interest, and I believe you have the same for me. I am extending a formal invitation for you to visit the Aether Paradise. Attached to the bottom of this letter is my contact information. You are to speak with me through a disposable means, whether it is a burner phone or a network VPN. I am a woman who prefers her anonymity and privacy. Accepting this invitation is in your favor. Declining it is unfavorable. We will be speaking more thoroughly soon. Signed, President Lusamine Delacroix.

Never once has he received a letter so... intense, so suspicious, and so very, very intriguing. And never to his home address, which the thought alone has him slink down further in the plush armchair, letting the paper rest on his stomach. His stare moves to look across the room to endlessly stare at the windows, rare rain staining them with watery streaks while also causing quite the noise. It's almost welcome as it breaks up the thoughts in his mind of the letter, and helps him think some more instead of spiraling just down one single path.

A whole ten minutes pass before he jumps to his feet and walks over to the fireplace, throwing the paper and envelope alike into it.

The fire flicks to life exactly a minute later with help of some well-situated matches and kindling. It won't burn for long, but it will do the job for now.

Letter destroyed.

Having heard of the woman in passing, he knows very well that she is important, someone not to mess with or ignore, so he goes about opening the top compartment of a set of drawers in his living room, unlocking them with a key found in the kitchen. Inside sits a small, locked chest that he purposely chooses to ignore for now, and instead shifts his hand to grab a cell phone that he keeps locked away for this exact sort of thing. Being a high-ranking member of Rocket, every so often he needs a phone like this.

He did think about contacting his boss. And yet...? Yet the woman had contacted him. Personally. By his home address. So it must mean she wants to keep things under the radar in a sense. Why, however? Probably because it involves things the public need not know about. Things that most people need not know about. For now, at least.

A quick decision.

He inputs the contact number, the phone placed to the side of his head. Again he watches the rain.

There's only a slight hesitation before the call button is pressed. This should indeed be interesting...

[targaryenluvs]

congrats on your milestone!! i absolutely adore your writing 🤍 i’d love a ship with the pjo characters, if that’s okay.

my name is emma, or em for short. i’m 5’1 with long dark brown hair and deep brown eyes. i’m incredibly loyal to my friends and the first to defend them and always ready to fight for them. i’m also a huge flirt because it’s just fun to flirt with people, even if i’m rarely serious about it. i’m a libra after all. and i’m an extrovert, i love philosophy and writing poetry, i love a good debate, and i love meddling in my friend’s love lives. i can be a bit over dramatic sometimes but i really just want to make people smile and laugh and keep their attention. because it makes me feel good about myself when i can hold someone’s attention.

i hope this is enough information. or the right information. and i’m so dreadfully sorry if it’s not.

i hope you have a lovely day/night whenever this finds you. 🤍

hello emma! thank you so much, i hope you have a great day ❤️

i personally see you with percy himself!

on the depressing side the two of you are able to bond at times over senses of attention. percy wasn’t exactly popular amongst his peers so being able to hold someone’s attention let alone making a friend is amazing to him, and being able to hold your attention??

it sends him into a spiral. finally being able to be friends with someone he really does like certainly makes him shy in all honesty. you’d been with him in the hermes cabin, one of your best friends being a child of hermes meant you loved to spend your time around them. at first you’d kept your distance since percy seemed pretty jumpy but then again, maybe he just needed a friend.

so you decided to talk to him, and it ended being your best decision.

the two of you loved to geek out over philosophy and at times annoyed the other campers by your talk. before dating the two of you did become a bit of a dynamic duo, sarcasm was your speciality. you loved to joke around together all the time.

whilst you both couldn’t work up the nerve to tell eachother about your feelings you were both extremely protective of eachother. even when people asked you out you always seemed to turn them down. unwavering loyalty at all times.

the first time percy realised just how much you really did care for him was when you defended him against clarisse.

-

“back off, seriously.” emma stood in front of percy with her arms crossed whilst clarisse laughed, “or what?” she tilted her head to the side as emma took a step forwards, “i don’t care about being labelled a snitch, i don’t mind telling mr d. and i sure as hell don’t mind telling everyone where our flag is next game.”

“you little—” she was quick to shove her into the floor before grabbing percy’s hand and running, “did you just push clarisse!?” percy yelled as she giggled, “yes! we may as well have some fun before she kills us.” the two of you ended up in the strawberry fields.

“i hope she likes dirt.” percy joked as you smiled, “are you okay perce?” emma was probably the only person he’d ever let call him that, “i am, thank you. em, you really didn’t have to do that.” she shrugged her shoulders before taking a step forwards, “anything for you, really. you’re.. my best friend perce.” emma didn’t miss the way his eyes seemed to dull at the name.

“just a friend?” emma sat on the floor as percy joined her, “why, you wanna be something more?” emma flirted as percy’s cheeks heated up, “maybe.” it was mumbled, but she still heard him, “you’re kidding.”

“no, i’m not. you’ve been there for me since day one, no matter what. i love how you laugh, i love how you put up with my rambling, i love how selfless you are. i really love you.” she couldn’t help the tears in her eyes as she placed her hand over his.

“i might just like you too percy jackson.”