#something right on structure
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14.02 / 15.08 / 16.07
Mac making his own decisions, because Dennis told him to.
#iasip#macdennis#mac mcdonald#the shift..#i struggled to do the caption here with the strike out lol#i hope it makes sense#dont need his opinion...dont want his opinion...fighting against his opinion...#and mac's finally acting for himself and not for dennis#parallels..?#closer to progression.?#threads to grasp and follow.. etc.#something right on structure#OC
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i just went on a 4 hour writing frenzy and i don't know where i am anymore but everyone was very nice last time so have some more Stuff
#ramble#book writing stuff#actually all from the same project this time!!!#as always. still in first draft so ignore Errors#i'm going to take a break now bc i actually can't see but i got a Lot done today#this book has a STRUCTURE and a FULL PLOT which it didn't have this morning!!!!!#i am actually at the point where i'm looking for a beta reader if anyone who's done it before is interested????#happy to critique partner as well i don't like not giving something back to people ajkdhsd#also my internet history looks fucking crazy right now
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I feel like dbd made title cards really work for them. Often times they are just annoying/jarring and hurt the flow, but I think they really aided the story here.
They felt almost like the headers/headlines for a case-file (especially with the „case closed“ each episode), that structured everything nicely.
#also some of them were funny#maybe I just liked this bc I am autistic and long for order and structure but I don‘t always love title cards so they must‘ve done something#right :)#dead boy detectives
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pez dispenser update, yay!
I am Very Interested in the direction you're taking izuku here. He seems to have come out the other side of this breakdown going, "no look! I trust you guys! Here, I trust you guys so much! You can know about the severe injuries I had as a child that never got a police report!"
It's funny to read izuku's pov vs aizawa. Izuku is just like, wow this all needs to end so I can get back to being the Normal And Awesome Deku I have turned myself into, and aizawa is like thirty seconds from having his own panic attack at having a few months to turn this kid into a functional human being.
You can truly tell that with how izuku keeps insisting on that he's got this by himself, with no understanding how crazy it is to expect his friends and teachers to back out and let him take over, that he, still, still, STILL has simply 0 faith or expectation that his teacher is driven to help the little kid in izuku that he's buried so deep down there. That an authority figure who isn't all might wants to save him. I want to eat his unthinking, warped by trauma thought patterns, they are delicious.
Kinda touching that midoriya foresaw and tried to avert the all might conversation issue. Rip, dude really tried, but baby izuku is like one of those puddles in flooded old buildings you can find videos of people dropping a rock in -- it doesn't look that deep, but if you tried to put your foot in, you would be getting a whole lot more than your shoe wet.
Yeahhhhhh Izuku’s really not handling it the best.
Izuku genuinely didn’t keep everything a secret all these years because he didn’t trust his friends. It wasn’t that he thought they’d react poorly or hurt him with the information or spread it around or anything like that. This was purely due to his own internal issues around it.
But they’re three years deep into being in the fucking trenches together. And Izuku very much is considered a bedrock of the class. You can see it in their internal monologues—everyone trusts him implicitly. It’s Izuku. If one of them was going through something sensitive or painful, he’d be at the top of the list of people to turn to. For like, the entire class.
And while Izuku isn’t per se aware of the fact that the entire class views him as the best of them, he is painfully aware of the fact that they’ve opened up to him over the years. And that this is making it look like he didn’t tell them a single detail about his life before he came to the school. Which is fair, because he sort of didn’t.
So he’s overcompensating. He doesn’t need privacy because he trusts them so so much and this proves it, right?? They can totally know the sordid details of the past he’s in active crisis over.
He’s scared that he’s going to lose the people who have trusted him over the years because he seemingly didn’t trust them back. But they all trust him so much that they’re more beating themselves up than blaming him.
Todoroki and Mirio were in that scene like “uuuuhhhh you look like you’re a second from a panic attack we can totally give you space if it makes you more comfortable” and Izuku’s in a spiral like Why Would I Need Space I Trust You Both Implicitly Please Ignore The Obvious Distress.
Fundamentally, Izuku has never processed what happened to him as a kid. He didn’t tell them because he wasn’t ready to confront how bad it was back then. It wasn’t about trust. Telling them meant saying aloud what happened. He just wasn’t ready for that.
And from the path canon took, I don’t really see Izuku trusting adults. His childhood did absolutely nothing to make him think teachers would protect him. And for all Aizawa did right, I think this is one bag in canon he legitimately dropped.
I want to be clear—Aizawa was working at a severe disadvantage. He didn’t even have a lot to tell him the problem existed, let alone how to address it. But it’s specifically the Hero Killer Stain Arc that makes me think that Izuku only would trust Aizawa to a certain point.
After the Hero Killer Stain Arc, Aizawa canonically calls out Iida, Todoroki, and Izuku in front of the entire class. He doesn’t mention what it's about, but he makes it very clear that he knows what happened and that he disapproves. And his criticism is specific: In instances where you are out matched, it is better to run and get help. Iida, Midoriya, and Todoroki need to understand that
The thing is that Izuku and Todoroki both considered that as their first option and then correctly deduced that they'd be burying Iida if they did that.
I will actually die on the hill that is that Izuku and Todoroki did everything right when it came to the Hero Killer Stain. Iida caused the problem, but the fact that he made mistakes was the point of that arc for him. But Izuku and Todoroki?
They both reacted perfectly. And if they had done a single thing differently, they'd have two dead bodies.
When Izuku realizes that Iida's in danger, the city is on fire, Nomu are attacking the train, and his supervisor has fucked off to fight monsters attacking the city. He does not have an adult hero who is free to bring with him, and we know for a fact that he did not have time to hesitate or try to find other options, because he arrives the second before Iida dies as-is. When he's on scene, his absolute first instinct is to run. Izuku canonically clocked the fact that he was out matched, evaluated whether he could safely retreat, and realized he’d never be able to get out of there with Iida and Native. He’d have to leave one or both of them to die.
So he asked for help the safest way he could: sending out the mass text and stalling for time. And canonically, he wasn’t hoping a classmate would show up to the fight. He was hoping they’d report it to their supervisors and get him help, which is exactly what multiple of his classmates did.
Todoroki, for his part, correctly clocked that something was wrong with Izuku when he got the message. And he didn’t just fuck off without telling anyone where he was going. He evaluated the situation, realized the city was on fucking fire and there wasn’t a single hero free to go with them, and told the heroes with him that they needed to go to this exact location the first second they could. And he didn’t have a moment to hesitate or figure something else out, because he also showed up at the very last second before Iida took a sword to his spine.
Frankly, Todoroki and Izuku couldn’t have possibly handled the situation better, but they got absolutely shit on in the aftermath. I don’t recall a single adult who told them they did the right thing, except maybe Native. They had the fucking chief of police telling them they were no better than the guy who tried to kill their teenage friend with a sword and their teacher publicly calling them out in front of the class without the benefit of context.
If I was Izuku, I would have walked out of that entire thing having my preexisting distrust of adults affirmed. Like. There isn’t a world where Izuku realistically looks back on his actions and thinks “damn I really should have left Iida die.” He’s not going to change a fucking thing in what he did. Every single time, he’s going to go save his friend. The only realistic take away Izuku could have from Aizawa’s call out was “wow, that guy is not going to have my back if I have to make a tough call. So if I have to make one, then I’m just not going to him for help.”
Which is kind of where we're at in pez right now, and Aizawa's starting to realize it. Don't get me wrong, Izuku trusts Aizawa more than any teacher he ever had growing up. He doesn't think Aizawa is going to be actively malicious to him. But he also doesn't necessarily think Aizawa's going to have his back.
The crux of it is in chapter 4. Tiny Izuku says that Mr. Aizawa is already on Izuku's side, and Izuku's immediate reply is, "I promise you that Mr. Aizawa has never once been on my side." He back pedals fast, clarifies that he thinks Mr. Aizawa is fair and not on anyone's side, but his knee-jerk reaction is undeniable.
And to me? It's because Aizawa genuinely has not been on Izuku's side since he came to UA. And I don't mean Aizawa has been malicious to Izuku. Fundamentally, the issue is that he misdiagnosed the problem.
Aizawa has spent his entire time with Izuku mistakenly believing that the source of Izuku's issues was the same as Bakugou's. He is only now realizing that his issues were more like Shinsou's.
Fundamentally, Aizawa correctly recognized that Izuku's problems came from the fact that he was raised in an unjust system. But he misunderstood what Izuku's position in it was.
Here's what Aizawa knows, from the jump: Izuku and Bakugou came from the same school. Both have very powerful Quirks. Both have obvious issues with the other. Izuku specifically moves and looks like he had a professional trainer, meaning someone invested in his training as a hero. Bakugou talks like someone who's been told his entire life that the sun shines out his ass and never got punished for being a little shit. Izuku's more muted, but he came from the same school. Two kids with powerful quirks? Likely were getting away with the exact same shit.
When you have an unjust system, you have the people running it, the people benefitting from it, and the people being victimized by it. If the teachers at Aldera were letting kids with powerful quirks get away with murder, both Izuku and Bakugou were likely benefitting from that. And it is absolutely vital that Aizawa undoes that damage before they debut.
He doesn't even need to think Izuku, specifically, was abusing his position in this power imbalance. The damage is done from how the teachers at aldera were likely treating him. Teachers that produce kids like Bakugou tell talented, powerful kids that they're special, that they're above the rules, that they've got something so fundamentally important about them that they can get away with more. Even if you don't chose to abuse that narrative in the moment, that's a hell of a formative experience.
They're about to have a ridiculous amount of power. They are about to be in charge of enforcing the rules. And people who are in charge of enforcing the rules and think they're above them turn into Endeavor.
Aizawa's approached Izuku from a sort of tough love perspective from the jump. He didn't cut him an ounce of slack, and it's because he genuinely was trying to do right by Izuku. No, he's not going to get to smash up his body and make himself a hazard. Figure it out, or go home.
He's had plenty of time to learn how to manage his quirk, after all.
With Stain? I don't think Aizawa, if he knew the full circumstances, would genuinely say the right call is to have Iida's fucking funeral. I think he'd agree with the decisions Izuku and todoroki made. But he didn't have all the information, and, fatally, he didn't ask. He assumed.
He's got three powerful, bullheaded students who end up in a back alley in the middle of the night, having all separately ditched the heroes they were supposed to be joined at the fucking hip with. He absolutely thinks that they either planned it together or that, when they realized what Iida did, Todoroki and Iida went after him in secret to try to keep Iida from getting in trouble--and almost got them all killed in the process. There is absolutely no way Aizawa knows that they actually tried to run and get help at every turn.
Aizawa made assumptions. And a big reason why he felt comfortable making those assumptions was because he thought he knew what Izuku's problem was. He thought Izuku, like Bakugou, had been benefitting from teachers turning a blind eye to his misbehavior for years. But the problem was the exact opposite. Teachers had been turning a blind eye to his victimization for years.
He shouldn't have been treating him like Bakugou. He should have been treating him like Shinsou.
Aizawa's trying to correct the damage of past teachers. If they've spent years telling Izuku he's god's gift to mankind and it doesn't matter what he does because he's a hero and that makes up for it, Aizawa needs to hold him to the fucking rules. He needs him to understand that he's not special, he's not the main character, he's not intrinsically better or more important or above the rules in some magically important way. He doesn't want to hear excuses. He doesn't want to know why this time it was different. Izuku needs to understand that he has to live by the rules too, because he's going to be in charge of enforcing them soon.
But if they've spent years telling him he's worthless, that people can hurt him and it's okay, that he can never, ever expect help from them because he's not worth it? Then fuck, Aizawa needed to do the opposite. He needed the same end result, don't get me wrong--an understanding that the system equally applies to everyone--but he needs to make Izuku believe that the system will protect him again. That Aizawa will protect him. And Aizawa's combing over every fucking interaction they've ever had, and realizing that he hasn't done that, because he spent all his time trying to correct a problem that didn't exist.
I think Aizawa's been beating his head against the problem that is Midoriya Izuku for the past three years. Because Izuku's a hard-worker. He is brilliant. He is a natural leader. He is the fucking cornerstone of the class. He is shining so bright that it's going to kill him, because Aizawa knows how to recognize a star that's burning out.
For three years, Aizawa has tried and failed to get Izuku to realize he can and should ask for help. And he has failed because he thought the problem was that Izuku didn't think he needed help, when the problem was actually that he thought no one would give it to him.
In this last chapter, Izuku finally said aloud the reason behind the core issue Aizawa’s had with him his entire time at UA: Growing up, he thought that there was literally one man on the planet who would care enough to save him. He was the most hero-obsessed boy Aizawa’s ever met, and he thought All Might was the only hero alive he could count on to care if he lived or died.
There it is. The exact answer about every scrap of self destructive behavior that Aizawa’s been trying and failing to remedy for years. Why the fuck would he ask for help when he needs it? He’s spent his entire life living in a world where people wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. Aizawa needed every day of those three years to reverse that kind of damage, and he’s out of fucking time.
Aizawa is legitimately terrified that he fucked up and that it's going to kill Izuku.
Izuku’s Quirklessness is the missing piece of the puzzle that makes everything fall into place—which is why he’s so pissed at All Might for not telling him. Aizawa’s actually kicking himself for not noticing the obvious discrepancies in Izuku’s past. The fact that he grew up with a powerful Quirk was the factor that made him return to the same incorrect conclusion again and again. There were enough hints that he feels guilty for not figuring it out anyway, but if he had known about Izuku’s Quirklessness from the start? He would have figured it out in seconds.
Now that he knows, Aizawa’s changed how he handles Izuku. He doesn’t let there be a single doubt about what he’s doing or why. He makes Izuku explain himself, so that way there’s no more miscommunications around what he means. He makes sure to compliment him whenever he does something right—he’s trying to change courses, but he’s panicking that it’s too little, too late.
And now he’s got this goddamn criminal investigation that Izuku wants to bury, and it’s killing him. Because that’s his student, and he was hurt horribly. And his student just cannot comprehend why Aizawa cannot let it go.
And then there’s All Might.
All Might’s conversation with baby Izuku, for me, forecloses the possibility that explaining OfA is a solution here.
All Might really went in and knocked it out of the park with the best possible attempt at convincing Tiny Izuku that he’s himself. He immediately failed, albeit, but he honestly couldn’t have done better.
There he is, Izuku’s lifelong hero. And he’s there to say the things Izuku’s spent his whole life wanting to hear. All Might met him, and Izuku inspired him. He reminded him of himself when he was young. He thought he could be a hero. He was so impressed he offered to personally mentor Izuku.
And he loved him. Believe you are him, because I loved you too much to ever let anyone take you from me. There is a fundamental flaw in your theory that simply no one cared enough to notice or stop him, because I love you with all of me. I would have noticed. I would have saved you.
If there is absolutely anything that could have convinced Tiny Izuku, it would be that. This isn’t about quality of the explanation. There’s an internal issue that needs to be fixed before Tiny Izuku will believe any of this.
And I think Izuku recognizes this, on a level. As much as he and Tiny Izuku clash, Izuku gets him. He can typically predict Tiny Izuku’s exact responses to things.
But he’s never approached Tiny Izuku like someone he can explain this to. He’s spent this entire time trying to cheat code his way out of this situation. He wants Mr. Aizawa to erase him or to go find the Quirk user and find away to negate the Quirk. He’s never actually even considered explaining this all to himself as a solution.
Because he knows that there’s some kind of fundamental impossibility about it. Even if he can’t say exactly what it is, he knows that there’s an internal issue that means he’s not going to be able to just tell Tiny Izuku the truth.
Voice of God, he is dead fucking right about Tiny Izuku not buying OfA and being liable to tell everyone out of spite. Tiny Izuku would have that shit on the news.
Fundamentally, Izuku is aware that there is a deeper problem driving Tiny Izuku. He knows that it’s not about the quality of the explanation. There is something deeply, profoundly wrong because of what happened to him that makes him absolutely unable to accept that Izuku is him.
But Izuku has never known how to solve the mental wounds his childhood left him with. He still has them himself. He’s been burying them for years, and he can’t anymore.
When action opens in pez, Izuku himself is not okay. He’s just… bleeding internally. He knows how to hurt in ways people can’t see. But you can see how much his childhood is still bothering him in his defense of Mirio. He has never been able to let go of what happened to him. The wounds never healed.
And he doesn’t know how to go to these people he loves and tell them that what they’re trying fundamentally will fail, because he knows he’s been hiding this fucking shipwreck of his own mental health for the past three years but they don’t have a fucking clue at the scale of the problem.
At the end of the day, All Might went in there because he wanted to save Izuku. And Izuku told him not to because he cannot imagine himself being saved.
#pez dispenser debris#a lot of people in the comments were like ‘the only thing to do is to explain OFA they can’t get around it’ tiny Izuku WILL HAVE that shit#on the fucking news.#it’s not about the quality of the explanation#to me the late bloomer thing is the best explanation they could have#like it is /absolutely fucking bonkers/ to claim that his personal hero all might passed him a seemingly immutable genetic trait#‘our hero all might gave me his eye color or like. his kidney function. no not his kidney just how it worked.’ like that’s insane#for me AfO and OfA are fundamentally different beasts than a copy quirk like monomas#monoma is a very selective shape shifter. he alters his own physical structure briefly to match someone else#afo and OfA are permanently alterations to /other peoples bodies/ which is a huge step farther than what m#what people originally thought quirks capable of#tiny Izuku’s only vaguely aware of afo and doesn’t have enough data to contemplate if OfA would be possible but would sound so fake to him#right now. it’s not about the quality of the explanation it’s something else that’s making him reject this#at least with late bloomers there’s precedence and it sort of fits with the idea that Izuku seemingly has multiple quirks#it’s vaguely been referenced in a few places but there’s a lot of people in quirk sciences who have noticed Izuku’s breaking rules with his#quirk and are asking to like. study him. Izuku’s started to sweat because of it#but the prevailing theory is that he’s the next step in evolution. some scientists would swear up and down that Izuku’s the start of the#next boom. him being a late bloomer would be easily assimilated into that theory. people are going to get quirks later and stronger now.#it’s possible that new mutations will be introduced to the population#Izuku’s fucking /sweating/ because monoma went around talking about how he has a stockpile quirk and he knows that his quirk breaks the#fundamental rules of stockpiling quirks. he’s terrified it’s going to get back to someone who realizes that and starts making noise about#him having a new mutation. he doesn’t have a new mutation. he has a mutation that went extinct at the dawn of quirks and is only preserved#through OfA.
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hopefully i don't forget this in the morning but something something saionji in the StuCo arc being the caricature of an Evil Abusive Patriarchal Man that becomes the focus of people's hatred of the system/patriarchy, the type of villain you'd find in a simplistic surface-level feminist tale, and--crucially--the societal conception of "abuse" and "abuser" that serves to a) deflect conversation about the way societal systems enable abuse and warp it into only blaming individuals/thinking of "abusive" as a personality trait rather than of abuse as a choice and b) make it much, much harder to detect and recognize more insidious, smiling-faced forms of abuse, the kind of abuse that Touga and Akio enact, the kind that leaves psychological marks rather than physical ones
[specifically this is talking about his narrative role in the story as an antagonist and butt monkey, a Doylist approach if you will, rather than his standing within the world of Ohtori (the Watsonian approach)]
#saionji kyouichi#kyouichi saionji#rgu#sku#revolutionary girl utena#shoujo kakumei utena#HE'S THE MALE VERSION OF A WITCH Y'ALL#the meat shield people like touga and akio metaphorically place in front of people who (like utena)#are starting to figure out that 'hey this whole patriarchy/gendered power structure thing isn't great actually'#the kind of caricature that people punch while declaring they're “smashing the patriarchy”#before they go on to be judgmental about genuine abuse victims or something#because they've met people like akio and liked him and no one who they like can be an evil patriarchal abuser like saionji!!!!#(i could also say something about the demonization of hyper/masculinity in progressive/queer spaces and how it plays into things like racis#but i'm not sure what something i would/should say so not right now)
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#persona 3#cubey’s art#the senpais are still swirling around in my brain after all this time#anyways! this was partly inspired by various magazine covers drawn by C Coles Phillips in the 1910s! Particularly Good Housekeeping#the ones I’m thinking of featured these women in everyday domestic scenes#but they were REALLY visually striking because part of their clothing would often blend right into the negative space#so the only thing left to suggest the shape were the surrounding structures and the cell shaded shadows#I love this sort of empowering idea of the person becoming one with her household#by literally becoming the walls and her surroundings#but at the same time there’s a bit of sadness to it as well#because she has to disappear and give up a part of herself in order to be part of something bigger than just one person#so anyways. akihiko and mitsuru persona 3 in that art style#truthfully though I was literally just thinking about how their designs and even the way they point their guns are like a perfect inverse#and I wanted to highlight it because I think it’s cool!! they just complement each other so well in every way#persona 3 reload#akihiko sanada#mitsuru kirijo#p3#p3r
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something’s wrong?
#heheh what a name for a town. borger. brother that is a samdwich!!#I could prob talk about what this means to me but I don’t wanna#actually nvm I just thought of a funny way to describe the feeling:#you have two wolves inside of you. one HATES everything it sees soooo much. the other only sees beauty. you’re jaded.#or something like that#I’m trying to be conscious about only bending man-made structures and objects#unless it just looks extra cool to bend the natural stuff too#not rly a critical commentary. the basic premise is to show you how fucked up these little towns are;#while also communicating how they’re typically found in naturally beautiful places.#weird right? like finding ruins. it’s like these places settled and then worldly-priorities changed and everything fell apart#but you can tell - usually - that somewhere in the history of these small towns someone said:#‘what a fucking sweet view. let’s make camp’#my art#glitch art#aesthetic#art#artwork#webcore#glitchcore#internetcore#abstract#artists on tumblr#photography#abstract art#distortioncore#glitch#weird art#americana#southern gothic#angels
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i'm gonna be the one insufferable bastard on this earth that liked everhood 2, huh
#my posts#everhood 2#everhood 2 spoilers#if i get right down to it. what did i want from this game?#well i wanted more BANGER music. i wanted to be overwhelmed and surprised and lost and to feel shrimp emotions on existential scale#did i get these things? well... yeah! i did actually! were they worth anything less in that moment for how it ended?#it was real to me in that moment. i remember these feelings. i remember them warmly. those little aliens destroyed me i tried so hard#and the world where i got the green weapon had me making the crying cat meme face#i burst out fucking laughing many times#they happened and they were real then so why not now?#and honestly what COULD you do with the narrative at that point? anything less than fundamentally radical would ring hollow#like you could do a traditional plot that functions correctly and moves characters along arcs. but is that REALLY what you wanted?#in EVERHOOD? In everhood. you wanted a normal plot structure. in everhood?#and what else could you have even done that wasnt in essence rehashing everhood 1? i think i liked it better than where it was ALMOST going#it felt like a fever dream to play. like watching alice in wonderland. shit just happens man. these stories are rare#we've made the euthanasia rollercoaster into a fractal. spiral tighter run faster reach higher yearn forever.#fall into the kaleidoscope and grab your popcorn to watch the infinite combinations of static on the screen#you were there. you felt things. you can draw anything out of nothing. you can send everything back to nothing. for the love of god make ar#any art. any quality. just something that was real to you in that moment and in so doing forever. if someone tells you youre doing it wrong#then you should explode with your mind and in your art and LAUGH#apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime anything and everything all of the time#(its fine to dislike it i just found it fascinating in a way which is often more interesting than ''good''.)#(i live for the intersection of absurdity and meaning)#also i felt closer to the companions in this game than EH 1 since you spent more time in them#also cmon we got time with the sexiest character in the foreign gnome universe. the pandering one for a CERTAIN demographic. w big assets.#THATS RIGHT IM TALKIN ABOUT IRVINE BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!#you thought i was gonna say someone else? well tough shit. youre wrong.#anyway my main quibble with this game really was the english translation needed more time to cook for real
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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i have. too many things to do.
#and of course what i WANT to do is write fanfic and read the ten different books i want to read and make art just for fun#and also be a couch potato and watch youtube videos for a couple hours with no guilt#but i was sick for a week and that's a week's worth of missed classes and homework i'm now trying to catch up on#in addition to new stuff#and i was already falling a bit behind in a couple classes because they don't have enough structure for me#and like. i'm managing. i'm getting stuff done.#but it's exhausting to know that tomorrow when i only have to go to one class i will be spending all day on homework#....i need to not tell myself that. i need to build in space for breaks or i will burn myself out#i do not want to be at risk of burnout in the first month of school with an intentionally very low courseload#this is just. so frustrating and stressful#and i'm coping. but i wish i didn't have to#vent#school stress#stars rambles#i am somewhat grateful that needing something to wind down from homework with has made me excited to write fic for the first time in months#but the downside of that is that i do not have enough time right now
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Tbh... I don't think TOH should get a pass for it's shoddy plot just because some of the stuff that happens within the plot invokes an emotional response in people.
First of all, people react to concepts with varying degrees of emotional intensity based on what they like and/or their life experiences. Secondly, you can still create resonate moments with a good plot lmao.
There is no reason TOH should get a pass for making Belos a non threat for most of Season 1 just because people think x, y, z moment is wholesome or whatever.
#toh critical#i really hate this weird trend where people think story structure should be disregarded just because they happened to like an idea#and i guess there is an argument to be had that we shouldn't care about story structure because most people aren't even#aware of it when they start reading or watching something. Like they left everything they learned in literature class after they#graduated high school or college.#but it's like... then why do ppl go online to read negative analyses of their favorite piece of literature or media lmao#because people who write analyses care about story structure and it's important to them. so.#oh right and you know. just because most people aren't aware of story structure doesn't mean you shouldn't write a good story#that's like saying ''well since people don't care about music theory that means I can make a song without using music theory'' like???#very bizarre tbh
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thinking about tucker and what being a champion of the god of order does to a person
#apollo's tag#mcyt#mianite#no coherent thoughts right now. But trust me im thinking about mianite's whole deal in s1 and s2#and how tom and tucker originally good friends ended up on opposite sides of a godly war and were both played against each other#because let me tell you something ok? we were raised evangelical. we're no stranger to religion's structure and trappings#i wonder if the pill went down without a problem for tucker from the get go or if he needed a little bit of water to wash it down with#if yknow what i mean.
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Super robot monkey team hyperforce go! ~background/scenery appreciation post ~
#because I just think they're so terribly underrated!#srmthfg#srmthfg!#super robot monkey team hyperforce go!#scenery#background#cartoon#art#looking through these screencaps i just thought how incredibly beautiful they are even if they are not that well detailed#they manage to set the mood for each episode perfectly#like i just noticed how in the last one with them going to the macro-cosmos#the background universe looks like a web; almost like cellular structures#it gives the impression of everything being part of something bigger; of a tissue organ or body#i really like that it's very eery#the colors are also so masterfully utilized#they literally have the skittles squad as main characters and they always find away to integrate their colors into the scenery#idk if it's the nostalgia speaking but the beautiful backgrounds and color palettes in this show really tickled the right spot of my brain#long post#pictures
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2024 Purge (Part 3)
A whole Three-Parter for 2024! Damned very completely took over my brain and I made so many many doodles about it haha <3 Also ft. Helix and SCII generally, and a few other cursory Damned-style things :)
Little mini ZEX walk cycle from his Kissing Strangers meme ♥ He’s so cute, wobbling around on these weird new legs, not used to using these stiff arms to assist him back up!
Floorplans!! Of the Vyer Estate, I unfortunately don't know the layout/room configuration of estates or mansions very well haha, so I kinda just guessed at what kind of structure the house would have - I could've looked up blueprints, but the foyer is such a strong image in my head that every other room kind of fell off around it lol - though I still oscillate between seeing the stairs in the frontmost room or to the sides, hmm
Many many speculations, including the outer spaces, yard out front and in back, what all is within their fencing, if its built on a slab or foundation, if there's a crawlspace or cellar or full basement, ahh, so many possibilities! You can see in the left full-view I mistakenly put Dex's room on the first floor lol, both his and Max's room are explicitly described as being upstairs, on a separate floor from the kitchen. Very important! But where is the master bedroom...? The two on the right are kind-of both of the same thing; the platform at the top of the foyer double stairs, and the room beneath it that leads outside to the back garden - I moved the dining room around here and there, it would be nice to open up the back doors and have a dinner party able to go in and out I think :)
Going a bit more granular, made some temps for Max's room specifically - he hangs out there a lot, it's important! Even pulled out my grid paper for this one haha, fun to have an actual floorplan kind of look with tile-spaced everything! Very Sims, quite fun. I do like the idea of him having a window seat, but he's also described as standing in front of his windows so that probably wouldn't be the Only type he'd have hmm
On the topic of the Sims, I ended up making the three mockups in the Sims 2 as well! I do like this one - I was especially surprised that Max was even able to get to the bed! I thought the dresser would be in the way but no, it’s all walkable :D Very pleased. Not fully satisfied with the placement of his en suite tho, would it encroach into his room itself, or be tucked into a wall...? I kind of like that idea of that :0
The double bay windows is maybe a bit much, but I mean. Idle rich lol. At one point he’s looking out the window and then backs Dex up against a wall, but Which wall hmmm, must align room layout with seduction attempts, very important
Switching entirely over, you might remember the card I posted of Stanley, and the small mention of having made a matching card for the Narrator... I may have made significantly more than just that lol, I can't help it!! The Damned structure is wonderfully made, it invites creative speculation and idea generation at a nearly alarming rate! I commend the game builders for their craft. So I made a bunch of the faces I'd want to see at the institute lol, I love duos the most-most, so picking a pair from several of my favourite pieces of media was just ahh! Yes!
Apaultheosis and Emma seemed like a particularly fun match :D Would that make Paul his "real" counterpart...? I mean, it says Matthew right there lol, but would he just act like Paul? Would be doubly weird if Paul-proper showed up while the Apotheosis was out swanning around haha, Apaultheosis really seems like the right level of "belongs in an institute" to have a lot of fun with :) And if it's my immune-Emma AU in particular, Emma's already used to having to be around a bunch of weirdos haha
The LAC boys!!! ♥ Making everyone's little background was a lot of fun too - yellow for the TSPs, blue splotches for the Hatchetfield duo, little devil trappings for these two :D Such fun! It was also very fun to write up everyone's little personalities in simple phrasing, really break them all down to their core characterizations haha. Helps with not pushing them too far one way or another too! Would they do any given thing because [trait]? S'fun!
Weird Duo, the Watchers pulled from And the Universe Shifts - the explorations of villains having to put up being on the same side as/having to get along with heroes really makes for an interesting examination of how they'd go about doing that! These two are still absolutely insufferable, but they're also trying to escape! It's interesting :0 Also casual headcanon of how the institute would deal with enby/trans characters, possibly something I've had a lot of thoughts about lol
Last fanduo from the first batch - all of these were made over the course of like, two days, if that lol, I was very excited about this idea - I genuinely love how anime/JRPG characters are usually given fake names also in Japanese, it's very fun :D I only did so halfway for Nova's since she's only ever had the one kind of anglicized personal name, no family name - could she also be a kid from Jersey? Such mysteries haha. She also probably wouldn't have her hair clips during the day unfortunately :P But I couldn't resist drawing them, she's not her without them! The Watchers get their masks, give my girl her barrettes!
Back to Helix, more short-haired Max! I do like this one but I also thought the pose was silly so I held off on it haha, he looks cute with short hair! <biased towards Max generally
Another one that was too silly to put anywhere haha, ZEX being attacked by an invisible Kayako - Teisel is very confused at your inexplicable reactions, Admiral!
Normally I wouldn't post my studies, partially because they're mostly for my own benefit, to better understand how to draw a character, and also because I am usually very ❤️💕💖💞💗 in my commentary lol, as evidenced. I was excited to see him!! Especially in the institute uniform!!! <3 I'd doodled him a couple times as such but Seeing it, ahh <3 <3 So cute, wonderful ♪♫
Max! Another half-study, frog mouthed boy <3 Goofy floofy lad, love him <3
And another! This time of him being teary-mad, gosh he's adorable no matter what he's up to
Hehe <3 A particularly silly one in reaction to Dexter having arm-pinned him on the floor - how different certain things look in hindsight, through the lense of a crush, hm?
Talanaaaa ♪ In actuality she removed her shirt, but how cute would it have been to tie it up at her side instead ahhh
Lovestruck Zelnick, totally listening, mmhm <3
The silliness continues! Was thinking about the little pink bits at the end of VUX tendrils and how I've sometimes seen them speculated as also being little tongues? I'm still not sure what I think about it! It is good and potentially creepy I think, but would they taste? Would they be as dexterous? Hmmm, thoughts thoughts
A dandelion for the sunshine Captain <3
There he is! The sunniest boy of them all! Sweetest sweet lad ♥ Love him :)
Speculating ZEX plushie stuff still - going over the construction of his uniform, possibly as part of his body, possibly as something to dress him in so he can be fitted into other clothes as well :0 I'm still considering the tail slot, but probably only for uniform-as-body - otherwise, laying his tunic overtop his tail would probably be the easiest all the way around. I do like VUX with short tails too tho, hmm, how to make it visible... On the right are a few more detail ideas :D Different eye styles, what would be embroidered vs. sewn together etc. - I considered felt medals and badges, but I really think embroidery would have the prettiest result! Even my notes say so haha, that and where to put weighted pellets in place of fluffy stuffing :)
Speaking of plush 👀 Ahem
An alternate Strawberry Blond panel, ZEX pulling him up fully to look at him hhh I love him <3
And also touching him a bit, what is this feeling DAX is feeling! ZEX has some ideas :3c Though when doesn't he lol
More DAX expressions! Angy and owie, they do tend to go hand-in-hand, poor lad got well-knocked around and he still ended up the least injured of the three!
Rando icons, I can't help myself ♪ This uniform has its hooks in me, is it the ominous smiley face's bright yellow on boring grey, the contrast, the sameness?? I just like it! Was a fun small and simple thing to pull together :)
I actually started this set somewhat early on, speculating what DAX's MU scene might be, but never ended up with anything solid - since he wasn't there initially, it's hard to think of what would be a fitting torture for him, apart from what Was there i.e. having to watch what ZEX went through :( That does seem like it'd leave some pretty massive mental scars on him - always always always unable to save him in the moments where it really counts! :'0 But it doesn't do anything to his Body, and that's supposed to be the point of MU! I do still like many things here, DAX's offer of self-sacrifice being rejected and him being powerless to do anything else
And the way I used hashmarks to imply his eyes going fuzzy with them both open and the stress - looks like a pause symbol haha
Also a big fan of the little corner doodle being so cute and wholesome, the two of them excitedly circling each other, excited to see each other! I love-loved that so much in their meeting <3 <3
Then there was that one time DAX and DAX met, that was fun :) If only ZEX had shown up, then what would DAX do! Self-defense in a way hehe, that's one way of getting on the same side haha
The raw doodle that eventually became Get Out of the Way! For as sad a way as it was to go out - failing to be protected, the last of his allies, not even able to wield his own weapon effectively - it does still remind me of a silly quote. Those dogs were indeed very nasty!
A temp doodle of Dexter holding both Max's clothes and ZEX's uniform after his "discharge" (;;) from the institute, the only things he has left to hold onto 💔 So very little left of him :(
I at one point asked smol who she’d put in the institute for funsies and she picked Maison Talo, and so I tossed Apaultheosis at him - they do both consider humans as prey! Just, a bit differently lol. Would the Apotheosis even be able to convert a Realtor by their lure? Where does the goo need to be to start to take effect, many questions
Stanley Icons <3 It's only fitting that my first choice for a card gets his own set of reactions! Icons like these are actually really fun to make - pulling around from my doodles, slapping a bit of colour overtop, edits to screenshots (Stanley's "Dead" reaction is probably my favourite of those, I'm sure y'all can guess which ending I pulled from lol) - and it all has me tempted to make a few more...
Back to Just-SCII! More Baby VUX!! 💖 They're so cute!!! Just little guys, adorable <3 Casual clothing and PJs and having to tie one's sash back on haha, all those complicated loops and knots :)
Also some muscle/arm shape speculations of how VUX armtips might change based on what they're doing, the roundedness of recoiling is very funny to me haha
Obviously had to make these two's versions in TS2 as well, the most fun <3 “What brings you in today, Mr. Vargas?” “That’s doctor.” “Oh, sure, right.”
More of the Doctor meme! Poor DAX haha, certainly sick with Something ♪
I think the lyric is “three times a day”? But what three times a day, that's the real question lol. ZEX has his own suggestions hmm :) I do like their hug in the first one hehe, so cute <3
Totally all better! Definitely nothing would make his symptoms flare up again!
Poor DAX <3
Digitized Dr. Doran! He really is so tiny haha, it was fun using Wander's colour scheme, mostly filled out already! The institute's dress code for staff is a mystery; presumably some of the therapists wear medical/professional clothes, but then there's Stein who still has the screw in his head - surely they'd allow jeans, right? Or is that where they draw the line lol. Look it's fine, he's meant to be the Approachable Therapist, he gets special allowances, totallyyy
All two Locked In doodles that didn't make the cut but also have nowhere else to go lol - there’s a few dozen concept sketches that haven’t been written into complete scenes yet that I'd love to post as their own sets! At some point!! Poor Oz is so put out, and Leah's big goofy grin, very silly hehe - that one's just meant to show off her outfit! It's winter, no bare legs here!
As a bonus to make up for those being the only two doodles, here’s Ozzy and Thrax in TS2 failing to get along lol. Oz! You're not good enough friends for that yet! Will they get there someday? :3c
VUX snuggles <3 Love the them so very much ♥
This is one I really want to digitize to get them a little more cosplay-accurate, but I'd been going back through some nostalgic AMVs and had the sudden realization that KuroFai, being one of my fairly early/influential ships on my heart, and now they...
Fai even loses an eye, I jfdlskafdlhfdf
Finishing out with my last set of cards, I had to make the two leads from SAOA, truly a masterwork in abridging <3 They're just such fun characters! And it's not like they're not already used to being trapped somewhere that constantly risks their lives :'0 I love them, I swear! Good things for them!
#Doodles#Damned#Long Post#Ahh!!! Three for three!!! None of the art purges broke this year!!! Yeah!!!! Technically goal accomplished even tho there were more doodles#Just gotta split it up enough!#This one definitely earned its own separate sketchdump For Sure#With the amount of energy and attention and enjoyment all paid its way I mean#Not much else To Do about it haha#So many aspects! The SCII aspects - so wonderful to read ZEX and Zelnick especially-especially <3 <3#They are my favourite-favourites so very much so wonderfully written ♥#Truly an experience I'll never forget <3#But also the game itself! Its structure and everything that went into making play possible!#Framework terribly important to loam the soil to be grown in!#Absolutely something I admire so deeply - something I've wanted to do in some way another for years!!#Met me at the right moment :) Couldn't ask for more <3 But am still getting it! Huah!!! 💕💖💞 Spoiling me!#To take it to a slightly calmer place lol - had a lot of fun with So Many ideas here#Helix and SCII and Locked In and the original and new Damned and my cards and icons ahh#It's truly so inspiring :D My favourite!#Much fun to talk about at length :) I'm sure I still have more to say lol#As usual there are many links to go through - they were a bit of a pain to insert because of the aforementioned not-quite-breaking!#Please click on them!#These kind of turn into mini-masterposts huh :0#Maybe I will look into making a few masterposts here and there#Also I don't know why but some posts aren't showing up in the tag#Only the older ones all the latest ones from the last couple months are there but the rest >:/#They show up in the archive/Damned tag but not if you're just scrolling! The heck#The consideration of a masterpost is only more appealing if the tags are going to be so unreliable and uncooperative!#But as long as they're all here or findable in their own right I'm pleased enough ahh <3 Fun fun
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Hi, just want to let you know that I’ve always enjoy reading your tags, it’s a lot of fun reading your clever insights and observations on my arts. I really appreciate them.✨
Your art improve amazingly over these past few months and I’m looking forward to the direction it will take in the future. I also admire your dedication when it comes to writing, finishing 30+ chapters series is definitely not an easy tasks and I think that’s really cool. \(^^ )
Thank you very much! I'm looking forward to completing another 30+ chapters series in the future.
I really like your art and how the color schemes seem to match the personalities of the characters. They always look so crisp with the right amount of style on character positioning.
I always thought it was really cool how you managed to have so much detailed backstories and world building, alongside managing to create pictures and comics to go along with the chapters and stories you write. It has been really inspirational!
Although, funny, enough, I have been thinking about asking you if you had any preferences on sources to start researching universal aviation codes and the differences in between civilian and military planes, jets, helicopters, and airships, and which you think might sound better when used by militaries vs civilians. I think I am going to have to do a lot of studying on IATA, ICAO, PAT, Mode-S, VFR, and transponders, as well as codes used in towered vs non towered airports. I feel like I am going to have to do a lot of study on aviation and plane/jet/drone schematics for future chapters.
#thank you!#I remember a story where the air traffic controller had a stroke and the pilots were said to switch to 'non-towered' codes#after a few minutes once it was clear something was wrong#airships have different codes based on specific rules involving rigidity so that is a bit annoying lol#then again there might only be about 25 of them left in the world so it could be easier to understand than I think#and then there is the differences between discrete and non discrete aviation identification codes of SSR and PSR#so I guess a jet a plane a drone and an airship can have the same identification code since they are different types of vehicles?#but I would think it would be confusing if they showed up in the same place at the same time#I think it is obvious that I have very little idea of what I am talking about when it comes to aviation right now lol#can an autopilot give off codes on its own?#although I still stand by my argument that the physics of firing a giant laser that is usually fired from a large sturdy base in real life#would be detrimental to the structure of a plane or the pilot#then again it is not something I should really try to wrap my head around given that it IS fiction#but I am already cheating with the unobtainium as a fuel source and taking liberties with IMSI catchers#current series may take a lot longer to get to 30+ chapters since my SO and I are moving into a house together#I'm going to have to come clean about what I have really been doing in my spare time#my goal was at least 150K words and I am already closing in on that faster than I planned#I should post some of the older art pieces I have never shown anybody#then again I can redo them with the newer techniques I have learned over the past few months#maybe post both versions#layering my beloved#I need to get around to drawing head shapes and hair styles for different species#I also need boat codes but my dad was a cryptologist when he was drafted in the Navy so maybe I could ask him#Lily bell on the thorn thicket#the rod that blocks the lightning
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When you idly think about Celegorm possibly being most like Nerdanel of all the sons of Feanor, and then you start thinking about Nerdanel getting a post-Darkening moral decay arc all of her own to mirror her son(s)'s.
#tolkien#san shoots the breeze#Like. My central celegorm thesis is that he becomes what he becomes because he has a specific moral/social worldview#that is actually heavily based on 1) common cultural understanding of said worldview and 2) direct positive intervention from the valar#like he is an acolyte of a specific god and that goes with specific rights and responsibilities for everyone involved#and once the noldor arrive in beleriand that specific framework *collapses*#because the valar can't be fucked and the amanyar don't have the same religious&cultural expectations#so he upholds his end of the bargain as long as he can (both emotionally and materially)#but when it all collapses (structural damage from what happened to ardehel#and then complete collapse from the bragollach) he breaks HARD#and I think there's space for something similar with Nerdanel#who was likely raised in fairly close contact with aule and who stays faithful to the valar as feanor starts to go off the rails#who makes all the 'right' choices! and her reward is the obliteration of her family#and quite likely at least some degree of social ostracization for her association with her husband and children#not sure what her final straw would be though#...possibly it could be celebrimbor's capture and death actually. hm.#Anyway! I just think Nerdanel should be viciously violently angry with basically everyone for at LEAST a century but likely longer
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