#something wrong with literally all of them

[luludeluluramblings]

The Tape... Part Two

Reader and Conner are in the cave dealing with the fallout of their Sex tape getting leaked... Reader has a plan...

Part One

Warning: Fem!Reader, NSFW themes, no actual smut, pure crack nonsense, fake Twitter post

The silence was loud. Very very fucking loud. And, so incredibly awkward. Honestly, you were surprised that this hadn't happened before. Gotham media literally had poll last week on who the hottest of the Wayne Family Orphans was. (You had placed fourth, but it's okay. You're pretty sure your ranking just shot up to first now.)

It was a PR miracle that there hadn't been a sex tape, nude, or dick pic leak before this. There had been swimsuit pics. And, someone had managed to get a picture of Dick in grey sweatpants. Lot's of people had been thirsting in the comments, talking about how they'd like to give him a son. Some of them were even women too. Internet people were feral.

Although, you try to shake that thought from your head because certainly you were in trouble.

Sitting in the Batcave with everyone - and you do mean everyone - giving you and Conner disapproving looks. The only reason Conner wasn't tied up and stuffed with kryptonite like a holiday bird was because Clark had joined the family. And, Jon was holding back Damian.

"In my defense, I did try to get it out of the carpet. But, I didn't want that to ping that in my search history. I know Tim checks that on the regular." You started, breaking the silence after what felt like hours of awkwardness. It had been twenty minutes. Still too long, but not that long. You could here a outraged 'Hey' from Tim and Alfred's exasperated sigh. You might actually make him retire at this rate.

"Is that really all you have to say on this matter?" Bruce is already using the Batman voice. And, still in his Batman gear. Not good. Wasn't he in a Justice League meeting earlier? Oh, well.

"I mean, do you want me to say anything else?" You're question causes multiple scoffs, guffaws, and Conner to choke on a laugh.

Such a shame he couldn't get to you fast enough. It was your fault really. You'd both gotten distracted in discussing where would be the best place to flee to. It had spiraled into an argument and then he had to fuck the brat out of you… So yeah… Didn't escape in time. Oopsie.

"How about an apology?" Jason had the audacity to say. As if he didn't literally murder people once upon a time.

You just shrugged. Not really feeling sorry about the situation. "Sorry for traumatizing the internet."

The grin Conner gives you is filled with glee, but he quickly hides it. There's only so much leeway he can get from Clark's presence before a little green crystal gets shoved into a newly made orifice on his person.

"I am… disappointed in you." Bruce barely manages to say through gritted teeth. And, it causes you to tear up.

"Are you saying that I'm officially the family disappointment?" There was way too much glee in your voice and a series of groans leave the rest of the family.

You had probably just earned the most coveted title in this family held together by a butler, costumes, fancy toys and BatBurger runs.

Bruce finds himself pinching the bridge of his nose when he realizes what he's done. This is the real reason he doesn't tell any of his children when he disapproves of something. He learned this with all his kids. He had genuinely thought he'd gotten lucky when you turned out normal.

He was wrong.

"Do you understand what you've done. You've just put a massive target on your back. Anyone that wants to get to Superboy will come after you now." He jumps into lecture mode instead. Trying to give the logical reason for being upset with this.

Though, in reality he was livid that, not only did Conner have sex with you, he had to do it in the damn parlor. The one they usually had family meetings in. He wasn't going to be able to sit in there anymore. Mentally, he made note to have the room renovated. And, to replace the carpet.

"Look I have an idea on how to fix that."

"Oh, and what's that?" Stephanie pipes up, trying not to grin. She knew you had something planned. And, she couldn't wait.

Almost everyone else tensed. Because they knew your plans could go to shit quick or work in the most convoluted bullshit ways imaginable. It was a gift, really.

"Give me like three minutes." You mutter before pulling out your phone and opening up your Twitter/X app. Typing out a quick sentence and sending it off.

There's a ping on the Bat Computer and Barbara pulls up the newest tweet from your account for everyone to see.

A/N: I didn't really plan on continuing this, but I thought why the heck not. Kinda short, bunch o' nonsense.

A/N: Forgive me if I seem absent, I got low energy right now and I'm stressed. I broke a tooth and I hate going to the dentist. But, I went, and I need surgery to fix it... Friggin AO3 curse hitting me and I ain't even posting on there yet.

[luckynumber-devon]

Flipping between thinking there should be less sex in media because:

- it can make talent uncomfortable

- can lead to abusive and pressured practices around hiring talent

- leads to a weird beliefs around sex in relationships due to sex as shorthand for getting closer instead of actually writing better character development

- trying to push sex as feminist/freeing when it’s set up, framed and for predatory gazes - which sets the movement back

- sexual violence is usually either a plot device or shock value to show things are horrible - and neither are ever written in a way victims/loved ones would actually react. Why are horrible backstories about women always sexual? Why can’t they show perseverance after being scammed or something? It’s just lazy writing

- pushing sex into almost all advertising to make everyone feel inadequate is an evil way to use fellow humans and literally reduces them to numbers and parts

But also:

- it’s important to see sex as something that’s normal and healthy - and not a shame/trophy dichotomy between partners

- seeing sex helps people in abusive situations recognize what is and isn’t ok

- sometimes it is empowering and narratively important for characters or actors to embrace themselves and their sexuality

- burying shame around sexual pleasure and urges can only ever be a good thing - and the rise of showing female pleasure helps break this particular boundary

- bad faith, pearl-clutching, “for the children” removal of sex is almost always the wrong move and can be easily redirected into nefarious directions by fascists and bigots

- anything we can do to move away from Christian views on virginity are only going to help future generations. Fuck that piece of tape metaphor - I can’t believe someone would ever say you have less value for any reason

Basically, I also go back and forth. I’ll believe sex in media is feminist when it’s not framed as voyerism, is sometimes awkward, between people with imperfect bodies with hair, and sexual violence is treated with gravity and consequence.

With better character writing and dialogue, we can get there, I swear

i walk a fine line between “i’m asexual and i hate how much the world revolves around sex” and “sex is way too stigmatized and people should be able to be more open about it if they want to”

[barnesonly]

── ⊹ ࣪ ˖ Lust ˖ ࣪ ⊹ ──

professor!bucky barnes x reader

summary: You’re a literature student. He’s your English professor — brilliant, composed, and entirely off-limits. But the more you write, the more he notices you. And what begins as admiration quietly unravels into something far more dangerous.

word count: 8,5k

WARNINGS: 18+ explicit content, MDNI. curse words, mutual desperation, age gap, dirty talk, praising kink, fingering, oral (m receiving), PiV, rough sex.

Part 4 | Previous Part | Next Part

You slammed your dorm door a little too hard behind you. Not on purpose. But kind of.

Your bag slid from your shoulder, landing with a dull thud by your desk. You kicked your shoes off without bothering to untie them, paced once across the room, then sat on the edge of your bed—and stayed there.

Frozen.

Staring at your phone like it might blink first.

God.

What the fuck was that?

You hadn’t done anything. It wasn’t your fault some guy sat next to you, smiled, introduced himself like you were a normal person in a normal class—not someone tangled in a secret affair with the professor who’d stared daggers through him the whole lecture.

Not your fault.

Still—James didn’t even look at you when he left. Didn’t nod, didn’t blink, didn’t breathe in your direction. Just turned and walked out like you weren’t the girl he had whispered I love you to, had cooked dinner for, had kissed so softly the night before you thought your heart would burst.

Your stomach twisted.

Was he really mad?

Jealous?

The thought made your heart beat harder—frustration and confusion and something smug curling in your chest all at once.

Why would he be jealous?

You didn’t flirt. You didn’t even talk back. You were literally just sitting there, awkward as hell, trying not to make it worse.

But he was mad. Definitely.

You lay back on the bed with a groan, dragging a pillow over your face and letting out something between a scream and a laugh.

You should text him.

No. Fuck that.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t going to apologize for… what, being looked at? For breathing? For being his and not saying it out loud?

You weren’t going to chase him.

Not this time.

Still, your fingers hovered over your screen for way too long—over his name, the message bar, the unread silence that felt heavier by the second.

You threw your phone across the bed and grinned. Just a little.

Because if James Barnes was jealous?

Good. Let him stew in it for a while.

———

The next morning you turned the corner of the English building, clutching your travel mug and trying to walk slow enough that you wouldn’t be the first person in the classroom again. Your nerves had already done enough damage last night—spiraling into every version of Was he mad at me? Did I do something wrong?—and you weren’t about to make yourself an easy target for another cold shoulder.

Not today.

But of course, fate had a flair for cruel timing.

Because just as you passed the cluster of students lounging by the classroom door, he called out to you.

“Heyyy! Come here!”

Theo.

You blinked, surprised. He was leaning casually against the wall, surrounded by two other guys and a girl you recognized from one of your gen eds. All of them looked up when he waved you over.

You hesitated. But only for a second.

Because the truth was… you didn’t really have friends on campus. Not besides Sarah. And Theo didn’t seem that bad—just a little too friendly, maybe. But harmless.

You stepped toward the group.

“Hey,” you said, your voice more unsure than you meant it to be.

Theo smiled, shifting to give you space. “You heading to lecture?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Just about to.”

He grinned. “Cool. We were thinking about hitting that bar just off campus later. You should come with.”

“Oh,” you blinked again. “Um—maybe.”

“You should. Bring your roommate if you want. Or not.” He chuckled. “It’ll be chill.”

You smiled, polite. “Yeah, sure. Sounds fun.”

And that’s exactly when you felt it. That drop in the air. That shift. Like something passed through the hallway and sucked the warmth right out of it.

You didn’t have to turn to know who it was.

Professor Barnes walked straight past the group—dark suit, jaw tight, stride purposeful—and didn’t even glance in your direction. Not a flicker. Not a twitch.

Like you weren’t standing there. Like you didn’t exist.

Your stomach flipped. Heat crawled up your neck.

Theo was still talking beside you, something about what drinks they were planning to order, but you couldn’t hear a word.

Your eyes followed James as he disappeared into the classroom, his shoulders tense, his hand clenching slightly around the stack of papers he carried.

“…he’s so annoying, isn’t he?”

Theo’s voice pulled you back into the moment. You blinked, realizing too late that you were still staring at the door James had walked through.

You turned to Theo, trying not to look as rattled as you felt.

He smirked, misreading your expression entirely. “Professor Barnes,” he added, jerking his chin toward the classroom. “Total hardass. Always gives us way too much homework for no reason.”

You forced a laugh. Just a little huff of air, nothing too revealing. “Right.”

He chuckled. “Bet he thinks this is the only class we’re taking. Like we don’t have lives.”

You didn’t respond.

Because you couldn’t.

Your jaw was tight with the effort it took not to snap, not to correct him, not to defend the man you’d had your legs wrapped around the other night. The same man who kissed you like you were made of glass. Who whispered “I love you” into your mouth like it meant something sacred. Who was now… cold, distant, and glaring daggers at Theo from inside the classroom.

You didn’t dare look back at the door again. You just gave Theo a faint nod and an even fainter smile.

“Yeah. I should probably head in,” you muttered.

And then you stepped away, leaving him mid-sentence, heart pounding as you crossed the threshold and stepped into the classroom.

There were already a handful of students scattered throughout the room, chatting quietly, flipping through notes, setting up their laptops. James didn’t look up when you stepped inside.

You kept your gaze down as you walked toward his desk, clutching the paper he’d assigned yesterday—neatly stapled, with your name at the top. Just like everyone else, you set it down without a word. Didn’t linger. Didn’t meet his eyes.

You felt his stare, though. Burning through you.

You turned away and made your way to your usual seat near the front. But instead of sliding into it like normal, you paused—just for a second—and glanced over your shoulder. Just enough to catch him.

He wasn’t looking at your paper. He was looking at you. Jaw tight. Brow tense. Hands still.

Jealous.

And god—god—you kind of loved it.

You settled into your chair, letting your bag drop softly to the floor. You pulled out a pen with careful ease, flipping open your notebook, pretending like you didn’t notice the heat of his stare still dragging over your shoulders.

He didn’t know. He couldn’t know what it did to you—seeing him like this. So composed on the surface, but brimming just beneath. That sharp, simmering edge of possessiveness, jealousy, frustration.

He didn’t know you’d spent the entire night thinking about him. That Theo meant nothing. That no one could ever mean anything the way he did.

The lecture hall buzzed with low conversation until James stepped up to the front, setting down his leather-bound folder with that familiar quiet authority. The moment he cleared his throat, the room hushed.

Your pulse ticked up. You sat up straighter.

Then—the door creaked open.

Theo.

He strolled in like it was no big deal, half-grinning as he made his way toward you again. And of course, of course, he dropped into the seat beside you with a casual little hey, like this was some meet-cute instead of the slowest unfolding death of your sanity.

But James?

He didn’t let it slide.

“You’re late, Mr. Reeves,” James said flatly, not even looking at him as he flipped open his notes.

Theo blinked, pausing mid-sit. “Oh—yeah, sorry, just lost track of time—”

“Time isn’t yours to lose in this classroom,” James snapped, still not raising his voice, but cutting clear through the air. “This isn’t a coffee shop. If you want to chat and drift in whenever you feel like it, I suggest transferring to a less demanding course.”

The room went dead silent. Every pair of eyes flicked to Theo.

And you.

And Theo just sort of… sat back. Awkward. Tense. Mutters an “okay, yeah, sorry, won’t happen again” under his breath.

You wanted to die.

You could feel the red crawling up your face, your ears burning, hands locked in place on your desk. It wasn’t directed at you, not really—but sitting right next to the target of James’s very obvious disdain made you feel like a spotlight had landed on your chest.

You could barely even look at James after that. Not when he finally started the lecture, not when he spoke like nothing had happened.

But you didn’t miss the quick glance he gave you.

Sharp. Possessive.

A flicker of something territorial buried beneath his otherwise controlled expression.

You looked away fast, heart pounding.

Oh, he’s mad.

The moment James dismissed the class, the room buzzed to life—chairs scraping, backpacks zipping, soft murmurs filling the space. You were still packing your things, and you barely had a moment to breathe before Theo turned toward you.

“Okay, what is this guy’s problem?” he muttered under his breath, voice tinged with annoyance as he nodded toward where James had already vanished through the side door.

You blinked, trying to keep your expression neutral. “Well… you were a bit late.”

“Yeah, like two minutes. Two,” Theo groaned, dramatically slinging his bag over his shoulder. “He’s always on my ass. It’s like he’s got something personal against me or something.”

You hummed, noncommittal, keeping your eyes on your notebook as you slid it into your bag. God, if only he knew.

Theo leaned a little closer. “Anyway—as I said bar tonight. Few of us are going. You should come. Seriously. Could use some backup in case Professor Grump shows up again and tries to ruin my life.”

You laughed softly despite yourself. “Okay, okay…” you said. “I’ll ask my roommate too.”

“Cool.” He grinned. “See you there.”

He left with a little wave, and you lingered for just a second longer, glancing once at the empty desk at the front of the room—already missing James’s gaze, even if it had been narrowed with jealousy.

God, if only he knew there was no one else. There couldn’t be. Not when your entire heart already belonged to the man who’d just stormed out without a word.

And something told you… his office hours were about to get very, very interesting.

———

Back in your dorm, the door clicked shut behind you, and the scent of Sarah’s perfume still lingered faintly in the air. She was lying across her bed, flipping through a magazine, legs kicked up lazily in the air.

“Hey,” you said, dropping your bag onto your chair.

She glanced up, humming.

“So, uh… this guy from one of my lectures asked if we wanna go to a bar tonight. Him and his friends.”

That caught her attention.

“Ooooh,” she said, sitting up. “A guy, huh? Is he cute?”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “He’s… fine. I mean, yeah, I guess. I barely know him.”

Sarah raised a brow, suspicious already. “Wait. Is that the guy?”

“What guy?” you asked, playing dumb as you walked to your dresser, pulling open a drawer with slightly more force than necessary.

“The guy you’re… y’know. Seeing. The one you won’t tell me anything about?”

You paused for a second too long.

“No. It’s not him.”

Her brows knitted, and she tilted her head. “Okay, then what about that guy? Your boyfriend or whatever he is?”

You looked over your shoulder, and your voice came out soft, careful.

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

Sarah blinked. “Right.”

You sighed, grabbing a sweater and sitting down on your bed. “It’s just a bar hangout. Some drinks. Nothing more.”

Sarah stared at you for another beat, then shrugged. “Well, I’m down. I need a drink and some bad decisions. Let’s go be hot and mysterious.”

You laughed a little, but your smile faded quickly once she turned back to her magazine.

Because no—James wasn’t your boyfriend.

But he wasn’t nothing either.

———

The bar was already packed by the time you got there.

Music thrummed low through the floorboards, the scent of beer and perfume hanging thick in the air. The lights were dim, soft amber spilling over polished wood and half-empty glasses. You and Sarah slid into a corner booth, cheeks flushed from the wind outside, laughing about nothing as you pulled off your coats.

Theo waved the moment he spotted you, then gestured you over with two fresh drinks in hand. You didn’t even have time to think before Sarah gave you a little shove.

“There they are,” Sarah said, nodding toward the bar.

You turned, heart lurching for no reason at all. You headed there with Sarah.

Theo grinned and handed you the drink. “Wasn’t sure what you liked, so I gambled.”

You took it, gave it a small sip. “Not bad.”

He leaned against the bar, a little closer than necessary. “So… you made it. I thought for sure you were gonna bail on me.”

You smiled, polite but guarded. “I said I’d come, didn’t I?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Fair. Gotta admit, I’m glad you did. I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk, y’know, outside of all the ‘Modern Narrative Voice’ doom and gloom.”

You took another sip. “Yeah, it’s definitely… intense.”

“You’re one of the good ones though,” he added. “Barnes clearly likes you.”

That made your stomach flip. You looked down into your drink quickly.

“Anyway,” Theo continued, completely unaware, “he’s still a hard-ass. Gave me a B- last week and wrote a whole paragraph about ‘voice dissonance.’ Whatever the hell that means.”

You laughed a little, halfhearted. “Yeah, he’s… passionate.”

He grinned. “Is that what we’re calling it now?”

You shrugged and took another sip.

He leaned against the bar, comfortably close but not too much, taking a sip of his own drink. „It’s good to take the edge off after all that homework Barnes gave us.”

That pulled a quiet laugh from you. “Yeah, it was a lot. Feels like he’s always pushing us to work harder.”

Theo nodded, making a face. “Right? The guy’s intense.” A pause, then his eyes slid to you again, warm and curious. “But you must be his favorite. Every time we get grades back, I swear he’s looking at your essay like it’s the Holy Grail or something.”

Your stomach did a funny little flip, though you covered it with a shrug. “I just… try hard. That’s all.”

“I bet.” Theo grinned, taking a drink. “Anyway, I’m really glad you came tonight. Thought you might skip out after class today.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Why would I do that?”

“I dunno,” he said lightly. “Figured you’d be busy. Or maybe you just had better plans.” He held your gaze as he spoke, playful but not pushy.

You felt your lips curve into a small smile. “Nope. No better plans.”

“Good,” Theo replied, looking satisfied. “That means I’m officially winning my first bet of the night.”

You laughed—a real one this time—and took another sip of your drink, feeling the knot of tension between your shoulders ease just a little.

After some time of drinking and talking with Theo your phone vibrated against the table at the same time Theo’s did.

He frowned, unlocking his screen. “Looks like Barnes already graded the homework,” he said, turning his phone so you could see.

You quickly pulled yours up, breath catching as the grade appeared.

New Grade Posted: ENG 304 — Modern Narrative Voice

Assignment: Analysis of implicit desire in The Lover.

Grade: B-

Feedback: Needs more depth.

Your stomach dropped.

You stared at the screen in disbelief, rereading the short comment — “Needs more depth.”

More depth?

Your hands tightened around your phone. You’d spent hours on that assignment. Even reading it back last night, you’d thought it was good. Really good.

And he knew that.

Beside you, Theo groaned, “Ugh, I only got a C. That guy seriously hates us.”

You didn’t say anything at first, a strange mix of emotions burning in your chest — surprise, indignation… and, under it all, a sharp sting of jealousy.

God, was this because of him seeing you with Theo?

Your cheeks heated at the thought. You wanted to believe it wasn’t that petty, that James was better than that.

But then again, the look he’d given you yesterday—the way he’d been so clearly pissed—flashed back in your mind.

You swallowed, setting your phone face-down on the table.

“That’s ridiculous,” you muttered, mostly to yourself, but Theo caught it.

“Right?” he replied, nudging your elbow. “Your stuff is always A-worthy. Probably just a bad mood.”

You forced a smile, but your chest was tight.

More depth.

More like… you weren’t sure what the hell this game was anymore.

And god, you weren’t sure if you were mad at him or dying to see him—probably both.

“I gotta go,” you said abruptly, already reaching for your coat.

Theo paused mid-sip. “Wait, already? Thought we were going to stay a while.”

But you weren’t really looking at him anymore.

You grabbed Sarah’s wrist. “Come on,” you muttered, weaving through the crowded bar toward the door.

Sarah hurried after you, confused. “Hey—what’s going on?”

The cool night air hit you as you pushed outside, heart thudding in your chest.

You exhaled hard, feeling your hands trembling as you pulled your phone back out. That stupid B– was still glaring up at you like an accusation.

“That guy,” you said bitterly, shoving the phone into your pocket and rubbing your face with both hands.

Sarah frowned. “Your guy? What happened? Did he say something?”

You let out a short, humorless laugh. “No. He didn’t say anything. That’s the whole fucking point. That guy is fucking with me again.”

You started pacing, shoulders tight with a mix of frustration and disbelief.

“I try so hard and he…,” you muttered, voice climbing, “he’s trying to piss me off. Like some kind of petty revenge because I was talking to someone else.”

Sarah’s mouth fell open. “Wait — seriously? You mean he’s jealous?”

You threw up your hands. “I don’t know! Probably. I just feel like he’s playing some game with me—and I’m so sick of it.”

Your heart was still racing—part of you wanted to scream, part of you wanted to cry, and the other part wanted to march straight to his office and demand an answer.

Sarah moved a little closer, brows furrowed. “Damn,” she murmured. “Sounds like he’s really under your skin.”

You pressed your lips together, the heat rising to your cheeks.

“God,” you groaned. “He’s so under my skin.”

Sarah stepped closer, rubbing your arm. “That’s bullshit,” she said gently. “Come on. Let’s get you back to the dorm. You deserve better than this.”

You nodded, forcing a smile as you tried to keep yourself together— knowing that whatever was going on with him, whatever this was between you two, was something you couldn’t even begin to explain.

———

The next morning, you woke up with a bitter taste in your mouth.

Your alarm buzzed at the usual time—plenty of time to make it across campus, slip into your usual seat before the room filled up—but you stared up at the ceiling instead, lips pressed together. Normally you’d already be rushing to get dressed, double-checking your notes, telling yourself to breathe.

But not today.

Today you wanted to piss him off as well. Skip his class, simply out of spite.

So you rolled onto your side and grabbed your phone, thumb hovering over the school schedule. Ten minutes until his class would start.

Your heart gave a stubborn thump.

And then you switched it off.

You could already picture him looking up at the door the moment the class began, expecting you to slip inside. Maybe even hoping you would.

And you weren’t going to give him that satisfaction.

With a defiant huff, you burrowed back under the blankets, squeezing your eyes shut and telling yourself you weren’t going to overthink it—weren’t going to spend the whole hour wondering if he noticed, or if he cared.

But of course you did.

Every tick of the clock felt loud. Every page of the book you tried to read went fuzzy. Even when Sarah texted you a dumb meme halfway through the hour, you barely smiled.

And still you stayed put, feeling equally smug and miserable. Because skipping his class wasn’t going to make you miss him any less.

If anything, it just reminded you exactly how tangled up you were in this whole mess.

But fuck it. Today you needed to rest, to clear your mind.

And to prepare yourself before facing him at his office hours tomorrow.

———

You didn’t bother knocking.

The door to his office was already slightly ajar, so you pushed it open with a tight jaw, heart thudding. James looked up from his desk, pen held between his fingers, expression carefully blank the moment he saw you.

You closed the door behind you with a sharp click, making sure they’re locked.

“What the fuck was that grade?” you demanded, hands balling into fists at your sides.

His brow barely twitched. “That was your grade,” he answered evenly.

Your blood boiled. “That was not my grade. That was nowhere near what I deserved—I did good on that homework!”

He set his pen down slowly, gaze dropping back to the papers. “You could do better.”

That fucking icy tone.

You took a step closer, voice trembling with fury. “That’s such bullshit, James. You know it is.”

A tense silence stretched, humming between you like a live wire.

And then it hit you—the one thing that explained the sharp edge in his voice, the way he wouldn’t look at you.

Your lips parted in disbelief. “Are you jealous?”

His shoulders went stiff at that, hands flexing once against the desktop. He didn’t reply. Didn’t deny it. Just kept his eyes fixed anywhere but your face.

Your heart flipped.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, more astonished than angry now. “You are.”

He finally looked away, his jaw ticking, mouth pressed into a thin, stubborn line.

And there it was—James, perfectly composed on the outside but seething under the surface.

You stared at him across the desk, your breath coming quicker, feeling that reckless thrill rise in your chest despite the tension, despite the fight.

“You’re jealous,” you repeated, softer this time, like you couldn’t quite believe it yourself.

And still—he didn’t say a word.

You let out a sharp, incredulous laugh—dark and bitter in the quiet of his office. “God,” you scoffed, “can’t I even talk to other people without you losing it?”

That finally got him to look at you properly, something heated flashing in his eyes as his voice dropped. “That was not just talking,” he shot back, a muscle jumping in his jaw. “You were clearly flirting with him.”

Your mouth fell open. “That’s not true,” you fired back, feeling heat rise up your neck. “We were just talking. I barely know him!”

James’s gaze stayed locked on you, sharp and unyielding, his hands curling into fists at his sides like he was holding himself back.

“You were in my class laughing with him. I saw how he looks at you,” he ground out, low and taut. “And then you skipped my class like I wouldn’t notice. Don’t play innocent with me.”

Your heart thudded faster, disbelief and that strange thrill tangling together in your stomach. “You really think I’d just go after someone else? After everything we—”

“You tell me,” he interrupted, voice rougher now.

You stared at him for a long beat, breath caught halfway in your chest, realizing just how much this was eating him up—and somehow, that twisted knot of jealousy and want left you trembling for a reason that had nothing to do with fear.

You felt the tension humming between you like a live wire as you took a cautious step closer.

“God, James,” you breathed, your voice softer now—trembling but sure. “I would never.”

He went very still at that, his eyes darkening as they searched your face like he was looking for any trace of a lie. But all you could do was look up at him—lips parted, hands aching to touch him.

You inched even closer, close enough that your knees nearly brushed his, close enough that you could see the way his chest rose and fell a little faster.

“I’m yours,” you whispered, and something in him finally broke.

In one harsh breath he pulled you flush against him — hands gripping your hips like he never wanted to let go — and his mouth crushed against yours, hot and needy. You moaned into the kiss, hands fisting his shirt as he pushed you back until the edge of his desk dug into the back of your thighs.

“Say it again,” he growled into your lips, voice low and raw.

“I’m yours,” you gasped, pulling him closer like you could never have him close enough.

He grabbed the backs of your legs and lifted you up onto the desk ass he kissed you deeper, messier — hands sliding up under your skirt, thumbs brushing your inner thighs as he groaned into your mouth.

“That’s right, you hear me?” he murmured against your lips, fingers tugging your panties aside, the pad of his thumb rubbing over your clit and making you whimper. „Just mine.”

Your hands flew to his belt, trembling, desperate—aching to feel him as much as he clearly needed you. And when you finally pulled him free and felt him hot and thick against your palm, the needy sound he let out was enough to make your whole body throb.

He broke the kiss with a low, feral sound—hands gripping your hips and dragging you off the desk just enough to turn you around.

Your palms hit the surface with a thud, papers scattering as he bent you forward, his body pressing up against yours until you could feel the hard line of him at your backside.

“I think I gotta teach you a lesson,” he groaned into your ear, voice gone husky.

You whimpered, cheek brushing the desk as his hands bunched up your skirt around your waist. You could feel him yank your panties down in one smooth motion — his fingers gliding between your folds as you arched into him.

“You’re mine.” he growled, dragging his thumb through your slick and circling your clit just once before positioning himself at your entrance, „don’t you dare fucking forget that.”

“I’m yours,” you gasped, breathless, trembling with need.

He pushed into you in one deep, unforgiving stroke, filling you so perfectly you moaned aloud—hands clawing at the edge of the desk for leverage.

“Fuck,” he hissed, hands gripping your hips tight enough to bruise as he pulled back and thrust into you again, and again—rough, relentless, every inch of him driving into you like he was claiming you, like he needed you to feel him for days.

“You like that?” he rasped, leaning over your back as his mouth brushed the shell of your ear. “You like knowing you’re the only one who gets me like this?”

“Yes,” you choked out, dizzy and aching and so goddamn full of him.

He groaned at that — fingers tangling in your hair to tilt your face back as his hips snapped against you, the sound of skin on skin filling the room.

“You’re my good girl,” he growled into your ear, voice wrecked with possession. “And you’re gonna remember who you belong to.”

And god, you did—every perfect, brutal thrust carving him into your bones, every gasp and moan a reminder of exactly who had you trembling, aching, and ruined over his desk.

Your legs were trembling by the time his hands slid up your back, fingers gentle even as he kept you pinned against the desk. Every inch of you was on fire—breath catching in shallow gasps as you felt him slow down his rhythm just enough to lean forward and kiss the curve of your shoulder. Fucking you slow but hard, making sure you feel him well enough.

“You feel so fucking good,” he murmured against your skin, voice raw with need as his hips rocked into you again—slower this time, deeper.

A shaky moan slipped past your lips and you arched back into him, craving every last bit of his heat.

“Could anyone else make you feel like this?” he groaned, hands gripping your waist as he moved, deliberate and unhurried—like he was savoring you, like he never wanted this to end.

“N-no,” you breathed, eyes fluttering closed, body tightening around him as pleasure coiled tighter and tighter in your belly.

He responded with a low sound of approval, one hand moving up to your chest as he pulled you up slightly against him. His palm flattened over your heart, his chin resting on your shoulder.

“Good,” he whispered into your ear, lips dragging over your earlobe before his teeth grazed it. “You’re mine, baby. Every perfect inch of you.”

Your lips parted in a trembling gasp — because god, the way he was saying it, like it was forever, like he was marking every part of you as his and you were so hopelessly lost in him.

“Please,” you whimpered, voice catching.

And whatever restraint he had left shattered.

He bent you back down over the desk and gave you what you wanted — what you needed — every thrust sharp and hard and perfect until you were crying his name, knuckles white as they gripped the edges of the desk, until you were right there on the edge with him.

And as you shattered, he held you so close you couldn’t tell where you ended and he began, breathing you in like you were the only thing that had ever mattered.

He pulled back just enough to catch his breath—hands lingering on your hips as his chest rose and fell against your back. The office was still humming with the afterglow of it all when you felt him ease away and his hands guided you around to face him.

Your gaze flicked up to his, heart still pounding wildly as he brushed his thumb along your swollen bottom lip.

“On your knees,” he told you, voice deep and husky, the heat in his eyes making your whole body ache all over again.

You didn’t hesitate.

Your knees touched the floor, eyes never leaving his as you knelt before him—hands skimming up his thighs as you leaned in, lips brushing over his cock already slick from you.

“That’s it,” he murmured, fingers threading into your hair to guide you, his breath hitching as your lips wrapped around him.

You took him slow at first, tongue swirling around him before hollowing your cheeks and sinking deeper—feeling him tense, hearing that low, broken sound tear from his throat.

“God, baby… just like that,” he groaned, fingers flexing in your hair as he rocked his hips carefully into your mouth.

The taste of him, the way he was looking down at you like you were everything—it only spurred you on, hands braced against his legs as you took him deeper, letting him set the pace.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he hissed, voice strained and needy as you felt him throb against your tongue, his control slipping more with every breathless moan you pulled from him.

And you held his gaze the entire time—so willing, so eager to please—knowing you were his, and knowing just how much he needed you.

He was trembling under your hands—breath shaky as his gaze stayed locked on yours.

“I’m close,” he groaned, the words thick with need as he brushed his thumb over your cheek. “I wanna come in your mouth.”

His voice dropped to a husky rasp as he guided you deeper, fingers tightening in your hair.

“Will my pretty girl take it for me?”

You gave him a small, breathless moan and nodded, looking up at him with parted lips, aching to give him exactly what he wanted.

“God,” he choked out, jaw flexing as his hips gave a final, shuddering thrust — and then heat flooded your mouth.

You swallowed around him instinctively, eyes fluttering as you kept him there until the last pulse of pleasure wrung through him and his hands slowly released their grip on you.

When you pulled back, lips slick and swollen, you pushed yourself to your feet—reaching blindly for a tissue on his desk.

Before you could do anything, his hand was on your chin, thumb tilting your face back to him as his gaze darkened.

“Nu-uh,” he murmured, voice low and commanding. “Swallow it.”

Your breath caught—heat sparking in your belly at the possessiveness in his tone and without breaking eye contact, you swallowed.

He let out a low, satisfied sound, thumb brushing over the corner of your mouth like a final caress.

“That’s my good girl.”

He pulled you up into his arms without hesitation, hands gentle but firm as they settled at your back.

You melted into him, breath shivering as you tucked your face against his chest. The rhythm of his heartbeat was a steady reassurance under your cheek, and for a moment you just stayed like that—held and safe.

“I never meant to make you jealous,” you murmured into the fabric of his shirt, fingers curling lightly into it.

He let out a slow sigh, chin resting on the crown of your head as his arms tightened around you.

“I know,” he answered quietly, voice still carrying that edge of tension that hadn’t fully let go. “I believe you. It’s just…”

You felt him hesitate—his thumb rubbing slow circles against your spine.

“You have no idea how scared I am,” he admitted, voice almost too soft. “That someone else will see what I see. That they’ll look at you the way I do. And that one day, I won’t get to have you like this.”

His hands held you a little firmer at those words—like the thought was too much to bear.

And you held him just as tightly, heart aching at the worry threaded through him.

You eased back just enough to look up at him, hands sliding up to rest against his chest as you shook your head.

“It doesn’t matter,” you whispered, voice firm and gentle all at once. “Because I will never look at anyone that way. I only see you, James. And I love you.”

For a moment, his gaze searched yours — like he was holding his breath, needing to believe you.

And then something in him softened. The tension in his shoulders eased, and he exhaled slowly, his hands moving to cradle your face.

“You don’t know how much I need to hear that,” he murmured, thumb brushing your cheekbone.

You held his stare, heart aching at the honesty in his eyes.

“I’m just…” he began, his brow furrowing as though he was choosing his words carefully. “That boy is your age. I’m your professor. I can’t give you a normal relationship. I wouldn’t blame you if you ever wanted something easier. Something you could show off.”

Your hands slipped up to cover his, fingers lacing together as you pressed his palm closer.

“James,” you said, your voice steady, “I don’t want easier. I want you.”

And that was all there was — the quiet hush of the office around you, and him leaning in to kiss you like it was a promise he couldn’t quite believe you were making.

You melted into his kiss, hands tangled in the back of his shirt as his mouth moved over yours—slow and claiming, like he never wanted to let you go.

When he finally pulled back, his gaze searched yours, thumb rubbing your cheek.

“Was I too obvious?” he asked, a tiny crease between his brows. “With the… jealousy…”

That made you laugh — a soft, breathless sound that felt too light for all the tension that had been between you only moments ago.

“Yeah,” you admitted, lips quirking into a smile. “A bit. But it was cute.”

He huffed a small, self-deprecating laugh and ducked his chin, the ghost of a smile pulling at his mouth. “Cute,” he echoed like he wasn’t sure if he liked the word or not.

“Very cute,” you teased, reaching up to smooth your thumb along his bottom lip. “And a little obvious. You weren’t exactly subtle telling him off.”

He exhaled, shaking his head, though there was amusement in his eyes. “God, I thought I was keeping it together,” he muttered. “Seeing him talk to you like that—I wasn’t going to wait around.”

That pulled a quiet hum from you as you leaned into him again, savoring the way the tension bled into something warm and easy between you—knowing you wouldn’t change a thing.

He laughed under his breath, brushing his thumb over your cheek as the quiet settled again. “And I did mean it about your grade,” he added, eyes glinting. “You could do better.”

Your jaw dropped. “James,” you warned, giving him a look that could have set fire to the room.

“What?” he said, hands lifting like he was innocent. “You told me not to give you a good grades just because I fuck you.”

“But I spent hours on that homework,” you shot back, narrowing your eyes at him even though you felt the edges of a smile tugging at your lips.

He grinned, leaning in to kiss the corner of your mouth. “Consider it motivation,” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin.

You groaned, half laughing as you pushed at his chest. “You’re impossible.”

“Maybe,” he agreed, voice low and playful. “But you’ll thank me when you pass with flying colors. And,” he paused, lips brushing your jaw, “I’ll reward you properly when you do.”

You chuckled and shook your head in amusement, pulling out from his embrace and grabbing your bag.

„I should probably go…” You said with a frown.

James nodded, running a hand through his hair. „Yeah… Text me when you’re home, alright?”

„Sure.” You smiled and headed towards the door.

You stopped just before reaching for a handle, glancing at him one more time. He was gathering the scattered papers from the floor already.

„Love you,” you said quietly but loud enough for him to hear.

James looked up at you and his gaze softened immediately, he tilted his head a bit and smiled genuinely.

God how you loved that smile.

„Love you too,” he answered and watched you leave.

———

You came back to your room. Your heart was still beating fast even though you felt much calmer now.

Your dorm was blissfully empty, the faint hum of the heater and the street noise outside the only company you had. Sarah had run off to who knows where, and suddenly the idea that had been tugging since you left James’ office wouldn’t leave you alone anymore.

You glanced around once, even though you knew you were by yourself. A thrill ran up your spine as you grabbed your phone and crossed to the mirror leaning against your closet door.

Your hands felt a little unsteady as you slipped your top off your shoulder just so, tugging the neckline down enough to expose a teasing glimpse of your bra. Then you ran your fingers slowly up your ribs, pushing the fabric down a bit more until you could see the swell of your chest in the reflection.

God, it was ridiculous how good this felt—knowing exactly who you were doing this for.

You tilted your chin, gave the camera your best smoldering look—lips parted, hair tousled—and took a few different shots until you found one that was downright sinful.

Your thumb hovered for a second over the send button. You felt a spark of wickedness light up in your belly.

You | 5:27PM

Thanks for the “motivation,” professor. Thought I’d give you some too.

And then you hit send.

Your pulse kicked up as you stared at the sent message and the preview of the photo—lips parted, eyes dark, shirt pulled low enough to leave very little to the imagination. Your hands were trembling, heart thudding wildly. Instantly, your body felt warm all over, a slow ache stirring between your legs just at the thought of him seeing you like that—knowing that beneath his composed professor persona was a man who could hardly keep his hands off you.

You bit your bottom lip and flopped onto your bed, phone clutched to your chest, grinning into your pillow. The air still smelled faintly like him, or maybe you were just imagining it.

And oh god, you couldn’t wait for his reply. If he was jealous before, this was going to drive him absolutely crazy.

Your phone buzzed against your chest—you nearly jumped, breath catching as you grabbed it and unlocked the screen.

James | 5:29PM

Jesus Christ. You’re making it very hard to focus right now.

Your lips curved into a slow, satisfied smile as you bit your thumb and kept reading. You could practically hear the edge in his voice, that low, tight control he always had before it snapped. A rush of heat went straight to your core.

You typed back quickly, fingers flying before you could second-guess yourself. Your heart was pounding so loud you were sure someone outside could hear it.

You | 5:29PM

That was kinda the point. Is it working?

A moment passed before the next message lit up your screen.

James | 5:30PM

More than you know.

You shifted on your bed, legs rubbing together instinctively as you replied. Your thumbs moved before you could overthink it.

You | 5:30PM

Still working this late?

The reply came quickly.

James | 5:30PM

Yeah. Too much grading left.

A wicked little thrill ran through you. Biting your lip, you shifted deeper under your blankets, already picturing him alone at his desk, sleeves rolled up, brow furrowed in concentration.

You | 5:31PM

Poor professor. Bet you wish you were here instead of looking at homework.

A moment passed.

James | 5:31PM

You have no idea.

Your smile curved into a grin as you decided to push him further.

You | 5:32PM

Mmm… wish I could help you relax. I could come over. Maybe wear something pretty just for you. Or maybe nothing at all.

Your pulse quickened.

James | 5:32PM

Careful, sweetheart. You know exactly what you’re doing.

That was the encouragement you needed—heat spilling into every word as you typed your next message.

You | 5:33PM

And I bet you’d do more than just look. Remember how you had me bent over your desk just a few hours ago? I haven’t stopped thinking about it

A few seconds ticked by—long enough that you wondered if you’d finally pushed too far—then your screen lit up again.

James | 5:33PM

God. You’re going to drive me crazy. Keep that up and I’m going to end up leaving this pile of papers unfinished.

A shiver ran through you at the raw want under his words.

And you weren’t anywhere close to stopping.

Your heart was racing, and you could feel heat climbing up your neck as you shifted on your bed, knees pressed together.

You | 5:34PM

That wouldn’t be so bad, would it? You could have me all to yourself instead.

You paused before typing the next part, already knowing it would get to him.

You | 5:34PM

And this time, I could do everything you want me to…

There was a tense, breathless pause.

James | 5:34PM

Fuck, baby. You’re playing a dangerous game tonight, aren’t you?

You bit your lip, thumbs flying.

You | 5:35PM

Maybe I like dangerous. Especially when it’s you.

His next message was slower to come, like he was thinking—or picturing every word you’d sent him.

James 5:36PM

And maybe I like that you never make it easy for me to concentrate.

Keep this up and I’m going to give you a office hours you won’t forget.

Your lips parted, breath shallow. It felt like you could feel him already—hands gripping your waist, his mouth dragging along your neck—and all you could do was keep him hooked.

You | 5:36PM

That’s exactly what I was hoping for. You always look at me like you want to ruin me.

A tiny typing bubble appeared… then disappeared. Then came his reply, short and direct:

James | 5:37PM

I already have.

You shifted on your bed, breath coming faster as you thought of him sitting at his desk across town—tie loosened, sleeves rolled up, probably pinching the bridge of his nose the way he always did when he was focused.

God, you ached for him.

Your hands moved before you could overthink it, sliding your skirt up just enough as you set your phone to take another shot. This one was closer—your fingertips brushing against the inside of your thigh, your panties barely in frame.

You hit send, then quickly followed with a message before you lost your nerve:

You | 5:39PM

Still working? Or did I just make that a lot harder?

You held your breath, heart thudding in your ears as you stared at the screen.

His reply came fast.

James | 5:39PM

Keep going. Show me what you’d let me do to you if I were there.

Your thighs pressed together instinctively at his words, a dizzy little thrill running through you.

You | 5:40PM

Not so fast, Professor… Maybe I’ll write you something instead, hm?

Your phone buzzed almost instantly after you hit send.

James | 5:40PM

Tease.

Your lips curled into a cocky little smile as you rolled onto your stomach, kicking your feet idly behind you. Your heart was still thudding wildly in your chest—you could feel the anticipation humming under your skin.

You bit your bottom lip and typed back quickly:

You | 5:40PM

Mm, I think I have some idea, professor…

And then, after a beat—before he could send anything else—you added:

You | 5:40PM

Let me show you properly. Give me a few.

Your hands were trembling just a little as you grabbed your laptop off your desk, already knowing exactly what you were going to do. The glow of the screen lit up the darkened room as you pulled up a blank document and took a breath.

You could feel him waiting. You could feel him already aching for you.

And God, the power in that—it was heady and intoxicating.

Your fingers moved before you could overthink it, spilling all the need and heat and breathless tension you felt straight into words, painting a picture for him of exactly what you wanted him to do to you. Of how he made you feel. Of what you thought about when you touched yourself to him. Every filthy, worshipful thought you’d been holding back.

You | 5:58

[PDF FILE ATTACHED]

Every time I’m alone, I find myself thinking about you in a hundred secret ways.

I wonder what it would feel like to have you pressed against me when I can barely catch my breath — your hands everywhere at once, hands that seem to know my body better than I do.

I picture your lips tracing a slow path down my neck, my collarbone, my ribs, and how you’d look up at me like you’re savoring every inch, making me ache before you ever truly touch me.

I want you to pin my hands above my head and kiss me until my lips feel swollen, until my whole body is trembling just for you. To feel your weight and your heat, your voice telling me how good I am for you, how much you need me — and I’d believe every word.

I close my eyes and I can already feel you inside me, deeper and slower this time, like we have forever, like you could take me apart one gentle thrust at a time. I want to moan your name into the dark and hear you groan mine back as you hold me so close I forget there’s even a world outside the bed.

You waited few minutes for his reply.

James | 6:01PM

You have no idea what you just started.

Your heart leapt at his words, heat pooling between your legs all over again.

Your thumbs flew across the screen before you could stop yourself.

You | 6:01PM

Oh yeah? What is it?

You stared at your phone for what felt like forever—one minute turned to ten, then fifteen, then thirty.

You thought maybe you’d scared him off, and were about to put the phone down when it buzzed again.

Your breath caught as you opened the message.

James | 6:33PM

[PDF FILE ATTACHED]

You say you want me but you never see what burns beneath my skin. You don’t know the way I ache to brand you, to leave my hands and lips where everyone else can see.

To taste you until you’re trembling, to press you into my sheets so deep you’ll never wash my scent off your body.

And God help me, I want them all to know you’re mine. I want them to look at you and see my name written in the purples on your throat, in the bruises I leave at your hips.

You make me greedy, you make me feral, and all I want is to have you tangled up beneath me, moaning my name so loud it drowns out any thought—except one—you’re mine.

You stared at the words, pulse thudding in your ears, eyes tracing each devastating line again and again.

Your hands were trembling — you could hardly catch your breath.

And there was only one thought repeating in your mind as you reread his message for the third time: God, I want him.

You stared at your phone in stunned silence, his words practically burning into you.

Your fingers hovered over the keyboard before you finally sent back a single, breathless reply:

You | 6:35PM

Wow…

Almost immediately, your phone buzzed again.

James | 6:35PM

Are you free this weekend?

Your heart leapt into your throat.

You | 6:35PM

Yeah…

Three tiny dots appeared and disappeared—like he was thinking, deciding—before his next message hit your screen, heat rolling through you as you read every word.

James | 6:36PM

Good… Maybe you can fix that homework grade. I remember you said something about writing with my fingers inside you in one of your “works”…

You sucked in a shaky breath. Your thighs pressed together involuntarily as a dizzy little thrill ran up your spine.

God, he never missed a thing you wrote—and knowing he wanted to make it real just for you had your body already aching.

Your fingers moved before you could second-guess yourself.

You | 6:37PM

Guess I’ll need my professor’s hands-on guidance, then.

And just like that, you knew—this weekend was going to be unforgettable.

James | 6:37PM

Mhm… See you at my place tomorrow then. Come any time you want.

You smiled stupidly at your phone, warm fluttering in your chest as you stared at the text. A little giddy, you bit your lip and quickly typed back.

You | 6:37PM

I’ll be there <3

You didn’t expect another reply, not really. But then your phone buzzed again.

James | 6:38PM

What’s that?

You scrunched your brows in confusion, a tiny smile already tugging at your lips.

You | 6:38PM

What’s what?

You stared at the screen, nerves and amusement coiling together.

James | 6:39PM

That <3 thing.

A laugh bubbled up before you could stop it—the kind that made you cover your mouth like someone might overhear. Poor old man.

You | 6:39PM

It’s a heart, James… Flip your phone to the side…

You tried not to wheeze as you could picture him frowning at the screen, turning his phone around like a puzzle. The image was too cute—your grin grew wider.

James | 6:40PM

Oh.

I see it now…

Your breath caught as a tiny pause appeared, the typing bubble blinking once, twice.

James | 6:40PM

<3

Your face felt so warm it was ridiculous. God, he was so cute.

You pressed the phone to your chest, heart thudding wildly as you stared at the ceiling, already looking forward to tomorrow more than you could put into words.

Part 5 💋

tags (tysm for all the love and support, If you asked to be tagged and I didn’t tag you it means I couldn’t for some reason 💔): @iamthatonefangirl @hiraethmae @im-feeling-blue-today @beforemdnight @just4w3irdo @bloodmocha @lovinqbella @its-in-the-woods @muchwita @iyskgd @harrietandcats @shortandb1tchy @luv4kook @grovelingmen @buckybarneswife125 @xamapolax @glitterspark @azrielsgirll @mortallydistinguishedwolf @shaheea @simp4f1 @voidanima @buckytakethewheel @thatsbucknasty @herejustforbuckybarnes @sebastians-love @wntersoidiertk @emcharra @user911224 @stell404

[cerastes]

It's so, so good how it turned out that in the end, people comparing Lappland to Majima were right, but for entirely wrong reasons.

Fierce mafia-aligned warrior who was exiled from her family due to botching her orders on an incredibly important assassination, with an injured eye, known and feared for her incredible martial prowess, characterized for being absolutely unbreakable and mentally unstable, but who does intentionally play up said mental instability for strategic reasons and is in fact quite introspective and frighteningly analytical, who treasures freedom above everything and hates being controlled by others.

That's Lappland. That's Majima if Majima was a wolf woman.

However, Texas isn't Lappland's Kiryu, Texas is far more important: Texas is Lappland's Nishitani.

Texas rebelling against everything that was her famiglia life, setting fire to quite literally all she was, and then parting the lifestyle on her own terms made Lappland, who saw this, extremely angry and extremely happy. This anger wasn't directed at Texas, mind you, it was directed at herself: Lappland hated the famiglia life, Lappland hated being in the mafia, adhering to their rules, being a mere weapon and tool raised by her garbage father for the exclusive purpose of Continuing The Saluzzo Family As Per His Vision, without any regard as to what Lappland herself wanted to do. It broke her.

It brings to mind the story about the child elephant that was shackled to a wooden stake on the ground, and even after it became a massive adult elephant, it never moved from its spot, because it was shackled. Someone then told the elephant, hey, you are so big and strong, that stake is not at all stopping you. The elephant was shocked when its slightest movement removed the stake, and it was free. It never tried, because when it was little, it couldn't overcome the stake, and then it never tried again because it just assumed it couldn't be done.

That's Lappland. She hated hated hated the life. She had given up. Then, she witnessed Texas simply pull out the stake as if it was nothing. You can do that? You straight up can do that? Furious. Lappland knew anger that day. At herself, because it took someone else to realize something she simply could've done herself ages ago.

And that's when her very first defiance, her first tug at the stake, came: She was ordered to kill Texas, as that would mean the very last Texas was dead and the Saluzzos could seize all their assets. Lappland threw the duel on purpose, letting Texas walk out alive and dealing a massive blow to the reputation of the Saluzzo family, effectively getting back at her garbage father.

It was that simple all along. Lappland realized you can just walk out. You can hit the bricks. You can simply not do the thing.

And she hit the bricks.

It finally contextualized Lappland's obsession with Texas: It's because Texas dared to do what she didn't even dare to think was possible. Remember, Lappland's ability to "Silence" is a representation of her incredible analytical ability to see an opponent's skills and counter them perfectly, shutting them down. Lappland wanted to know absolutely everything about Texas because Texas had that dog in her that Lappland envied and admired. Be it by antagonizing her, fighting her, observing her, Lappland decided Texas was exceptional and that she wanted that dog in her, too.

And, eventually, much later, after the conclusion of Portatore dei Velluti, after Lappland, the closest to a protagonist in the event, managed to abso-posi-you-better-believe-it fuck the entire shit out of the famiglias and her garbage father's plans, thus dealing a massive crippling blow to the famiglia agenda and basically taming Zaaro and the other beast lords into becoming her funnels, effectively living up to her own personal philosophies whilst crushing that which she hates the most in the world, and getting the climatic showdown she wanted with Texas on her own terms and her own terms alone... She's kind of done with Texas.

Her Files show how after Velluti... They sort of just are acquaintances. They shared a drink, made water cooler talk, aight bro stay safe good luck, they went on their ways.

Because now Lappland finally had that dog in her -- and around her, as attack drones -- and had successfully utilized that dog to undermine and demolish that which she truly hated. Mission complete. Lappland won't shackle herself ever again, not even to an obsession. And you know Texas' blood pressure was much better after that day, too, given that she finally kinda understood what Lappland's whole deal was at long last, because man, it prooooobably was stressful to know you are in the sights of the Living Shitdozer 9000 and all you can guess is that she wants revenge for that duel years ago. How was Texas supposed to know Lappland was on her own fucked up and huge bildungsroman that happened to have her as the Wise Master character from whom she learned how to have that dog in her?

Lappland did the longest most stressful "thanks for teaching" to Texas and then killed Italy's Shadow Government with her own hands. Absolute icon. Insane direction to take a character who, for over 3 years, was "murderhobo with no further lore". I love you Laptop.

[stargirlygirl]

Hey, how you doin baby girl?😏

Soooo, since you are the master of writing realistic smut fics, I’m gonna leave this request queen.

Like u know how every vagina is different and stuff. I think people who struggle w having sex don’t get much representation (crying rn). I’m obviously not a virgin anymore but honestly my himen is so strong and my space inside is pretty small that even when I did it several times I still don’t feel much pleasure and it annoys me a lot, like I feel invaded and so annoyed (or it’s the men I slept with, idk). It also doesn’t help that I can’t feel relaxed.

So Caleb, Sylus, both, or which one you want (ik both of them are probably packed down there). With a reader that struggles w being relaxed and her body not helping either. The reader insisted they are not a virgin and they can get to the good part but oopps. So they/ he are/is already inside but it’s clear as day that reader feels more discomfort than pleasure and idk, either stopping and getting to a pretty good aftercare or just continuing w some good old oral and dope aftercare. Your choice.

Or not do this ask. I don’t mind. Just wanting to tell you that you are wonderful and beautiful 😽🫶 may you wake up w Caleb next to you, amen.

star girl's initial words: thank you so much, girlie for requesting!! i hope you like this one. i went with your idea as the context and then built on it (i hope that's okay).

you're not alone in your experience, and i can relate to how frustrating it must be that penetrative sex hasn't been an enjoyable experience for you. because we expect p-in-v to feel amazing, right? it's made out to be THE most sexually pleasurable experience, the ultimate end game, if you will. media (cough porn in any format cough) and a lack of awareness for women around penetration plays a big role in this.

from personal experiences (sorry if this is tmi just skip if it is), it's pretty ridiculous to expect penetrative sex to feel great when you've had no practise. i'm still a virgin (literally 19; i'm still baby) but like... yo ain't nothing of that size is going in there without weeks of coaxing.

AND, often when you (as a woman) don't enjoy penetrative sex, i feel like others make it out to be a problem. like there's something wrong with you, when there's nothing wrong at all. we're all different, and some of our bodies need to be accommodated for differently.

however, how much of this do i actually capture in the fic? it's debatable. but i hope i've captured enough so you feel some comfort when reading this.

you find sex painful

sylus x fem!reader

summary: based on nat's req, you're mid-sex with sylus when he finds out that penetration is painful for you. so, he tries his best to help with your pain.

contains: nsfw, smut, sexual touching (f!receiving), squirting (first time), swearing, fluff, sy buys dilators for you, 3.4k words

note: i've shifted the focus to sylus helping you, rather than how penetration is painful. this post is not meant to be prescriptive.

“Just put it in, Sy,” you whine, bucking your hips up to meet his.

Your boyfriend sighs, “Kitten.” He’s been trying to pump you with a second finger for the past ten minutes, but every time he slips it in, you squirm in pain. And now, you’re insisting that he just shove his huge cock in.

“Please, Sy. It’ll be fine, I promise,” you try to persuade him. Your hips are propped up on a pillow, dripping pussy glinting in the warm candlelight. He’s sitting on his haunches, tip leaking at the sight of you. Spreading your legs a little wider, you notice Sylus’s crimson eyes dropping to your cunt.

Battling himself, he counters, “And what if I hurt you, sweetie?”

“You won’t!” You exclaim in your desperation. “You won’t, baby, so please, just fuck me already,” you plead. His jaw tenses as he considers your eagerness.

At last, he agrees, “Alright. But if it hurts, we stop, darling.” You nod fervently, your heart rate spiking as he shifts over you and grabs a condom from his bedside table.

Sliding it on, your boyfriend positions himself between your legs. With a final few rubs to your clit, he slides his covered tip up and down your folds. You moan, back arching slightly at how good it feels. But once he’s dipping into your hole, all of that pleasure dissipates.

It’s like you’re being split open; he’s so thick. You bite down on your lip, stifling your screams as your fists clench the black sheets.

“It’s too much, isn’t it, kitten?” Sylus stops, barely inside, and stares at you. You shake your head energetically.

“No, no, it’s fine, baby! I’m fine, really,” you insist, but he can see right through you. Pulling the head out, it slaps against your clit, making you whimper.

“Syyyy—”

“No. I refuse to hurt you, sweetie,” he murmurs, yanking off the condom and tossing it into a nearby bin. Leaning over you, he places his large hands on either side of your head.

Your boyfriend kisses your forehead and mumbles against it, “We can do anything else you want, but not this.” You know you should just accept his words and move on, but something drives you to retaliate.

“I’ve done this before, Sy. It’s fine, like,” you shrug. He shakes his head, silver locks tickling your skin. His nose brushes yours, hot breath dousing your lips.

Sylus’s voice is a deep rumble as he asks sternly, “You’re telling me that your previous partners have… gone ahead when you’re clearly in pain?”

“It’s not that big of a deal, Sy—”

“It is,” he grumbles. “It’s a very big deal, sweetie.” Drawing back, he lowers himself onto one elbow while his other hand cups your cheek.

Stroking your cheekbone with the pad of his thumb, he says firmly, “Your pleasure comes first, is that clear? I won’t hurt you, even if you’re used to the pain.” Your resolve immediately falters.

“Sy…” you whisper, a loving warmth spreading throughout your body.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you tug him into you. His cock is sticky against your inner thigh, and he’s so heavy, but you don’t care. His rare sincerity is what you live for, especially when he’s so sweet during moments like these.

“I love you,” you confess quietly, rubbing your cheek against his. Those muscular arms hold you tightly, reassuring you that not even death can pry him away from you.

“I love you, kitten,” he says low, peppering featherlight kisses on the shell of your ear, and down to your lobe before nipping at it affectionately.

You spend the night being pampered by Sylus. He showers with you: cleaning you up, drying you off, and moisturising your skin before you can do the same for him. You sleep in his meaty arms, your cheek squished against his broad chest, so you can listen to his soothing heartbeat.

The next morning, you wake up to empty bed sheets, which smell like leather and oud.

Sighing, you roll out of bed and freshen up. By the time you make it to the kitchen, there’s a note on the countertop. You pick it up with curious fingers and read your name in Sylus’s handwriting. Flipping it open, the note reads:

Good morning, sweetie.

Breakfast is in the oven. Text me when you’re ready. There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.

Yours truly, Sylus.

Giggling to yourself, you set the note down and crouch to the oven’s level. The light is on, a golden pastry glittering beyond the glass.

You pull the door open by the handle, sugary heat rushing out. Slipping on an oven mitt, you pull out the baked goodie and shake it onto a plate.

“Awww,” you pout. He got you a croissant from your favourite bakery and kept it warm. You almost tear up from the tender gesture while making yourself your morning non-negotiable beverage (for me, it’s peppermint tea, but I know y’all might like coffee).

Setting your mug down on the island bench, you haul your croissant over to you and take a bite. The puff pastry is crunchy and deliciously sweet. It melts on your tongue; the butter is rich. Your tastebuds relish in the delicate flavour, a low moan falling from your now sticky lips.

Humming fondly, you finish your croissant and enjoy your drink before texting Sylus that you’re awake. He responds immediately with Come to my office, kitten.

After rinsing your plate and mug, you scamper off to your room and throw on a decent outfit before heading to Sylus’s office. There’s no sight of the twins as you navigate the halls, nor as you stop outside the door. Rapping on it a few times, you hear your boyfriend’s muffled voice permitting you entry.

Pushing the door open, you’re greeted by the sight of your handsome lover. Fitting black button-up, tousled silver locks, and rimless glasses perched on his sharp nose. He beckons you to come closer. Once at his side, you press a kiss to his cheek.

“Morning, babe. Thanks for the croissant,” You chirp. He hums low, pecking your jaw and encircling your waist with his arm.

Pulling you onto his lap, you squeal gleefully, “Sy!” He shifts you so that you’re facing his monitor, your legs dangling over his. It makes him chuckle, seeing how cute his girl is.

Grabbing his mouse with one hand, he starts clicking away on the screen while explaining, “I’ve been thinking about last night, sweetie.”

“Mhmm,” you hum, your heart rate accelerating a little. Typing away on his keyboard, those arms encase your frame. You barely have time to register his search before he hits ‘Enter’.

“Dildos?!” You exclaim.

He smirks, “Don’t act so innocent, sweetie. I know you’ve used one of these before.” Twisting your back, you slap his chest playfully, earning an uproar of laughter from him. His chest vibrates against your back, making it difficult to frown as he clicks on a sex toy website.

“I’d like you to pick a few,” he grins cockily.

“Sy,” you sigh, rolling your eyes.

He drawls, “Let’s start with a small size, and then you can work up to my size. How does that sound, kitten?” His tone is gentler than usual as he heads to the filters tab and adjusts the results. You know he’s trying to help, and you appreciate it… But it’s just so embarrassing. Covering your face with your hands, you groan into them wordless frustrations.

“How about this one?” You hear the click of his mouse, your face heating up with the knowledge that there’s a dildo being enlarged right now for your inspection. Dropping your hands in your lap, they hit your thighs with a faint slap. You stare at a clear dildo.

“Look,” your boyfriend says. He expands the specifications and reads them aloud to you, “Great for beginners. Glass. Five inches—”

“Five inches?! They don’t have anything smaller?” You ask anxiously.

Five inches might not seem like a lot in today’s climate of booktok romance and fanfiction misinformation (myself included to an extent), but for you, who struggles with painful penetration, five inches with a good girth is not feasible for you just yet.

Sylus says gently, “Let’s have a look.” Hitting the back button, you watch red-faced as he scrolls through numerous dildos. Some are realistic, others transparent and streamlined. Six inches, eight inches, nine inches.

“Anal training kit. What about this, sweetie?” He hovers his cursor over the image, zooming in on three dildos ranging in size.

“Can you click it?” You ask, hand reaching for his covering the mouse. Your boyfriend releases it and allows you to control the mouse. You click on the product and read through the specs.

“Four inches. Made from PVC,” you recite.

Sylus remarks, “PVC isn’t body-safe, dear. Why don’t we browse another store?” Regaining control of the mouse, he closes the tab and searches for small dildos this time.

You two spend who knows how long going through several stores’ dildo selections. Finally, you settle on a set of dilators made from certified medical-grade silicone.

Your boyfriend happily pays the exorbitant price with a sincere smile and a promise: “You’re not alone in this, alright? I’ll be right here, kitten. If you have any issues, you know where to find me, yes?” Shifting in his lap, you nod and lean in, kissing him lovingly.

“Thanks, Sy. Thanks for supporting me,” you murmur. He nods slightly before returning to typing in his black card’s information.

Ever the accommodating partner, he lets you sit on his lap as he goes back to arranging shipments and taking business calls. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his Adam’s apple as it bobs, completely relaxed and content to stay like this for hours. He holds you tight when possible, but there’s no need with how securely you’re clinging to him.

“Something wrong, sweetie? You’re clutching me like a baby sloth does to its mother,” he teases.

You giggle into his neck, “Mommy Sylus.”

“Tch.”

“You were asking for it,” you grin, defending yourself. He rubs your back soothingly, his dark office silent. Until his ringtone blares.

Sylus reflects, “I suppose I was,” before answering the line.

…˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚…

“Your fingers are like—mhmm— this size, right?” You breathe out, clutching his wrist. You’re on your back, your boyfriend on his haunches as he eases a medium-sized dilator in and out of your cunt.

You’ve been using the dilators Sylus bought you most days of the week. It’s become a habit for you two to shower together and then insert a dilator before bed. Usually, you spend around 15 minutes adjusting to the size. But since you’ve been progressing quickly, your boyfriend wanted to try something different tonight (with your permission, of course).

He smirks down at you, “Curious, kitten?” You nod, your lip drawn between your teeth harshly.

Slowly, he pulls the dripping dilator out and sets it on a nearby towel. Climbing over you, he catches your lips in a tender kiss. The way he presses against you, the emotion in the rhythm, he’s asking for consent.

Drawing back, Sylus hovers close as you give your answer, “I want to try it, Sy. I think-I think it’ll feel good this time.” He hums, the sound reverberating deep in his throat.

Stealing a peck, he shifts and grabs the water-based lube that goes with the silicone dilators. Squeezing a decent amount on his rough palm, your partner smears the cool gel all over your pussy. His fingers slip up your folds, causing you to buck your hips. You moan quietly, heat rising to your cheeks like it did the first time he helped you insert a dilator. He chuckles low, squeezing more lube onto his fingers and rubbing it in like lotion.

“Alright, darling. Shall we start slow?” He teases, his silver brow arched. You hum in agreement, shimmying your hips closer to his lubed-up hand. Those slender fingers make contact with your aching cunt again. His fingertips roll over your clit; your breathing shallows.

“Sy,” you pant, encircling his wrist with your fingers once more. You slide his hand down to where you need it most.

With his signature grin, your boyfriend prods at your entrance. His other hand brushes your hair back, your eyes finding his in the disarray of anticipation. He slips his middle finger in slowly, whispering sweet encouragement as he does so.

“My, my, look at how well you’re taking me, kitten. Does this feel good?” You don’t respond as he pushes in knuckle deep. Already, you feel so full of him, but his lack of movement is torturous.

Gazing up with lustful eyes, you whine, “Sy, please.”

Leaning down, his nose ghosts yours as he repeats himself, “Tell me, darling. Does this feel good?” Arguing for the affirmative, Sylus curls his finger up, the tip pressing against your ridged walls in the most delectable way possible.

“Sy!” You squeak. “Feels really good. Please—” You rock your hips on his finger, desperate for more.

He chastely kisses your nose before steadying himself on his elbow to keep close to you. Sliding his fingertip down, your lover repeats the come-hither motion, shrewd eyes trained on your face. He observes every single detail, from your frequent lip biting to your eyes clamping shut from ecstasy.

The pressure in your tummy builds. But it’s not just in your tummy, it’s a little lower, too.

Drawing his now-drenched finger out of you, you mewl at the loss, “Sy, baby. Why-why’d you—”

“Quiet, sweetie, or you’ll miss the best part,” he murmurs. You open your mouth, about to ask him what he’s referring to, when you feel it. Two fingertips poking at your fluttering hole.

“Relax, dear,” Sylus instructs. A small whimper escapes your teeth-marked lips as he manages the tops of his two fingers inside. He remains there for a moment, letting you clench and unclench until you’re ready for more.

Pushing them in at a leisurely pace, he reminds you, “Now’s not the time to act all tough. If it hurts, kitten, you need to let me know.”

“Mhmm,” you hum, eyes on the lewd sight of his fingers sinking deep into your pussy.

A couple of months ago, you were in this position. Sylus’s fingers buried in your cunt, stretching you out. Then, he had been preparing you for his dragon dick what’s to come. But now, he was focusing on your reactions to ensure your pleasure.

Pulling his fingers out halfway, he eases them back in.

“This alright?” He asks lovingly. You nod, a quiet whine tumbling out of your lips.

Your boyfriend sighs, “Say it, darling,” while kissing the corner of your mouth. His fingers curl, making you gasp and moan. You gaze at him like you’re etching every angular feature into your memory (you already have).

“Feel really full, babe,” you manage out, pleasure wracking through your system as his fingertips hit your g-spot again.

Sylus clarifies, “How so? A good kind of full? Or is it overwhelming?” Your lips press together, muffling a sweet moan as he continues fingering you oh-so-deliciously.

“Good. ‘S good, Sy,” you whimper.

Turning your head, you nuzzle his neck with your nose. Sylus has never cared for when you hide from him, especially at a time like this. When he needs to see you, to pick up on all of the little things you tell him with your eyes and incessant lip bites.

Kissing your hair, he mumbles into your scalp, “Won’t you look at me, kitten?” Whatever you hum into his skin is lost as a guttural moan tears through you.

One good thing about you being so close to his ear is that your boyfriend gets to hear your pornographic sounds like they were amplified by state-of-the-art speakers.

He groans, cheeks rubbing the side of your head affectionately while slipping his free arm beneath and around you.

Rolling you onto your side, Sylus whispers, “Throw your leg over my hips.” You obey, doing exactly that as he pulls you flush against his chest. His scent alone makes you moan, and his body is so warm it makes your insides all gooey. Or maybe that’s from his fingers. Probably both.

The squelching of your sopping cunt fills the dark bedroom. Through the window, the stars gaze upon your intimacy. Perhaps they cheer for you, rejoicing in the pleasure you’ve been able to find in something so daunting months prior.

“Sy— fuck! I—” Your moan cuts you off, arms tightening around his neck.

You hold onto Sylus like you’re stuck in the middle of the ocean, fighting for your life, so you don’t drown in the depths. But your ocean isn’t filled with water. Abundant are the sensations rippling throughout your body. Every movement of his fingers sends more and more arousal gushing from you.

Pressure accumulates in the pit of your stomach once more. It feels like he’s pushing down on your lower tummy, but you know he’s not. Drawing closer, you feel like you’re gonna wet yourself.

“Sy, wait! Wait, fuck, feel like I’m gonna pee,” you exclaim. But your boyfriend doesn’t heed your warning. If anything, it spurs him on.

“Do you now, sweetie?” He murmurs all seductively, his breath fanning your ear. You try to respond, but all that pours forth are broken whimpers and breathy moans.

He chuckles, “Don’t be afraid, darling.” You cry out into his chest, one of your hands flying to his working forearm, and he presses into your walls harder.

“Sy! I’m serious, Sy! I swear ‘m gonna—”

“You won’t. Now, let go,” he commands, his voice all gravelly.

It only takes a few more pumps until you’re diving headfirst into oblivion. The pleasure is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. You can feel the mess you’re making, but you can’t seem to care as moans rip through you and your body convulses like you’ve been possessed.

“Fuck,” Sylus groans, watching as you squirt all over his hand and arm. It sprays onto his clothed thigh and drips onto the inky sheets. He’s never been more proud.

Your boyfriend praises you, “Look at how good you’ve done for me, kitten.” He kisses your sweaty hairline, your thighs clamped tightly around his still hand. Slowly, he slides his fingers out and draws them up through your folds. You whimper as he rubs a few lazy circles on your cilt, making your body jolt.

“Sy, please,” you rasp out. You’re exhausted, your limbs as mushy and pliant as he chuckles. Sylus gently maneuvers you onto your back and kisses your lips reassuringly.

He says low, “Stay here, sweetie, while I grab another towel.” You nod feebly, too weak to protest. Like you’d want to, anyway. The last thing you want to do is move right now, let alone follow your long-legged boyfriend off to the linen cupboard. And good thing you don’t, or you would have seen the wet patch at the front of his sweatpants.

Listening to the rustling of the bedsheets and thudding of his footsteps, your breathing grows steadier. Your eyelids feel heavy, as does your body. Next thing you know, Sylus’s callused hands are caressing your thighs, pulling them apart before he wipes you up with a damp towel. The soft, cool cotton is refreshing.

You sigh as you feel your partner’s warmth shift, his body hovering over yours. Plush lips place longing kisses on your brows, then your eyelids, cheeks, and finally, your lips.

He mumbles against them, “Was that your first time squirting, my love?”

“Mhmm, maybe,” you grin tiredly.

“Maybe?” He repeats before pecking your lips.

You giggle, “Yes.” Slowly, Sylus bundles you up in his arms and pulls you on top of him after lying down. His now-dry fingers stroke your hair, and his short nails occasionally scratch your scalp.

In his embrace, you release all your fears and doubts about this entire process. Never did you think this could happen. That you could 1) enjoy penetration and 2) squirt from it. But Sylus has shown you that through his love that anything is possible. Even though you’re not where you want to be, the improvements along the way have been nothing short of magical.

embarrassing/gone wrong sex moments m.list

star's final words: oh the vaginas ahem hymens i looked at in prep for this. not that i didn’t know what they were beforehand, but i def know a lot more now.

helpful links for your education:

cleveland clinic ⟶ what is the hymen? healthline ⟶ does it hurt when your hymen breaks? bien australia (these are the dilators i was talking about; i haven't used this product and i'm not promoting this product; i cannot attest to how effective they are) ⟶ vaginal dilators

[owlcafe]

Please feel free ignore my inane, barely-related ramblings

Perhaps the most memorable conversation of my life was with a bus driver, on the regular route I took home from university when I was a grad student. He and I had both landed a Tuesday graveyard shift, so I was the only person getting on this bus at 10pm or so. The week before, the bus had arrived late, while I was waiting, so this driver had come up to me and asked if I minded if he took his break now - apparently it was timed such that he would entitled to his break either now or after the return route. Without much thought I said something to the effect of "hell yeah brother rest up", for obvious enough reasons. The following week, it was raining, and I was scrambling to find cover in a place where I could still see the bus stop. The bus came early this time, and the driver rode up to the stop and let me on the bus early to get out of the rain. I didn't initially recognise him as the same driver, but apparently it had meant a lot to him that I hadn't flown into a rage insisting I be delivered home on schedule by an overworked and tired driver.

As you do, we got to talking, and the obvious course of the conversation was to ask what had gone wrong in our lives that we were mutually on this godforsaken bus at 10pm on a Tuesday night instead of doing literally anything else. His story was more or less what you expect - it was the best job available to him to make the kind of money you need to support a family these days. My story was simply that I'd signed on for a PhD, and with it a pretty good helping of teaching hours, including the occasional 5-9pm lab class (a process which, incidentally, more or less prevented me from having a driver's licence at the time. Don't worry about the details, but it's important to the story).

At this point, I had just begun the process of emerging from a series of self-loathing spirals - the one that stems from being an autistic child, then the one that comes from simply being 14, then the one that comes from being bisexual, then the one that comes from being non-binary, to the bonus round of growing up in a stereotypically male way while being non-binary and the unique way that makes you feel like your body is betraying you when your hair starts thinning at 19, and and fun and fresh ways these all bleed into each other. At some point in that whole whirlwind, I'd become quite convinced I wasn't going to make it out alive, despite never having any real risk to my life externally or even really internally, so my early to mid 20s were a period of discovering that I did indeed survive and now I needed a plan. This led to me falling into a lot of things just cause they sounded nice. I took a lot of odd jobs because they sounded interesting or paid well, I signed on to the PhD simply because I was asked to by my supervisor and I liked the idea of earning myself a gender neutral title, as if putting Dr [extremely common male name] on my mail was actually going to make people think twice about whether or not I was a man. This all to say, I was in the beginning of cultivating my "just a guy" self-image. It's easier, in that circumstance, to cut away the grandeur and the pompousness, because you can easily recognise them as fake. It's harder to cut away at the ways in which you undermine yourself, hate yourself, discredit yourself, because it feels like humility (and, especially in an emergent and incomplete social justice mindset, it's easy to invoke your privileges with the aesthetic of checking them, but the function of whipping yourself for "not earning" the things that you have, only further centralising your feelings as a member of the oppressor class).

To finally get to the point of all this, whenever you mention you're doing a PhD there's a pretty common social script that happens. The other person says that's very impressive, you bat it off, they say oh no I could never, and then you either make some joke about the absolute buffoons with PhDs you've inevitably met in your time in academia or just laugh awkwardly and move on. The bus driver starts the script normally, with an "oh that's very impressive" and I follow up with the canned response of "oh its not really all that, anyone could do what I'm doing". And then, I remember very precisely, he said "it seems that way to you because you can, the same way I think anyone could drive this bus because I can. But, I couldn't do what you do anymore than you could drive this bus."

And that pierced through it for me in a way that's really stuck with me. If I wanted to do the ivory tower academic thing, I could semantically dissect his statement - I could drive the bus and he could do my PhD, it's more accurate to say that the power structures surrounding us wouldn't have permitted it because I didn't have a licence to satisfy the local laws and he didn't have the educational background to pierce through the veil of graduate school exclusivity. I don't necessarily think it's literally true, what he said, but it was very powerful to me emotionally at the time. Because, in that moment in the bus at 10pm, we were both just some guy. We'd ended up in different places because of our circumstances, our identities, our choices, but we were still just some guy. In that moment, I had the same capabilities and limits as he did, just distributed differently. And for me, I'd spent most of my adolescence and much of my early 20s desperately projecting this ideal of like. A renaissance man, I guess? I needed people to believe that I was perfect, unlimited, infinitely skilled but also unflinchingly humble, lest they detect the parts of me that I assumed they would hate (because I hated them about myself). That someone I'd never really met before could so precisely and sincerely cut through it all, simultaneously denying me my instinct to degrade myself and reminding me that I am indeed subject to many and varied limitations, denying me even the privilege to bemoan that of course I can achieve these things because I'm white and middle class and so on, so I'm really not that remarkable. It really affected me. It brought me to a new level of being just some guy, and really helped me calibrate my vision of myself.

Obviously, it didn't fix everything in that single moment, but it helped me build a new frame I could use to look at things. If I started to feel shame or fear over not being able to do some particular thing that I wanted to do or felt compelled to do socially, I could remember that moment and how my path in life has given me limits as well as possibilities. And that's kept both halves of my ego in check ever since - I don't feel that I'm somehow entitled or should naturally have "lesser" skills on account of having access to "greater" ones (I can run advanced stats like nobody's business but I still can't drive a car), and I also don't feel the guilt and shame of not having certain skills that are considered basic because I have other skills that I've developed instead (yes I can't drive a car, but I can run advanced statistics).

I am once again just yapping with no real purpose but this idea really strikes a chord with me I guess. I just wanna say these things cause I want to. I don't particularly feel that there's untold wisdom or anything, it's a pretty milquetoast case of this whole thing occurring, but if anything I guess I feel compelled to pass on the wisdom I got from that bus driver that night. For better or for worse, we're all just some guy.

i really do believe that the answer to a lot of people's self hatred is not to try and reassure them that they are wonderful and okay and enough, but instead to remind them theyre a completely unremarkable regular ass person who is not the center of the universe or especially important so why would they expect themselves to be some superhuman savior. like there really is a kernel of out of control self importance at the heart of thinking youre an evil lazy piece of shit. because why would you expect you be anything but just like some guy. if you wouldnt expect the guy who works at the vape shop or your mailman or whatever to be able to do something then why would you expect yourself to? youre just some random ass person. its fine

[ohlawdthevoices]

PLS PLS PLS MAKE A MEETING SHOTOS FAMILY FIC I NEVER SEE ANY OF THEM 🙏

I literally love the way u write Shoto

him ->🧍

Meeting Shoto’s family | prohero!shoto x gn!reader

tags : pro hero shoto x gn!reader, mostly fuyumi and natsuo, fluff, shoto is very aloof but we love that, new years dinner, not proof read

word count : 1.8k

a.n : i had fun with this one lol so thank you so much for your request !!

shoto didn’t want to make his relationship public, so except his closest of friends, no one really knew you or even knew he had a partner.

that was sure annoying at times since shoto doesn’t get a hint when someone is flirting with him and usually doesn’t end the conversation, but you knew he did that for your own safety from all the medias.

so it was only when he took a very awkward selfie of the two of you— an almost constipated expression on his face, holding his phone with both hands like a father taking a picture, and sent it to his sister asking if you could join on their new year’s celebration— that his family finally learned about your existence.

shoto’s phone was blowing up the next 40 minutes or so, mostly his sister asking about you, your favorite food and dessert… you were nervous, sure, but fuyumi’s enthusiasm was definitely helping, you knew the rest of his family wasn’t like that but you still hoped somehow endeavor would be secretly chill.

still, when the day finally came and you were standing in front of the todoroki household—gift bag in hand, dressed in something that screamed “respectable but please still like me”—you couldn’t help the nerves climbing up your spine.

“last chance to pretend you forgot me at home,” you whispered. shoto glanced down at you, completely unfazed. “too late. fuyumi’s watching from the window.”

he wasn’t wrong. the door opened before either of you could even knock.

“YOU MUST BE Y/N!!” fuyumi beamed, launching forward to engulf you in a hug so sudden it nearly knocked the gift bag out of your hands. “i’m so glad you came! oh my god. you’re real. you know for a second a thought shoto photoshopped you in the picture.”

“why would i do that” he furrowed his brows,stepping into his home and taking his shoes off. you followed his actions a bit overwhelmed but still trying to keep up the polite and respectful act.

te house smelled like grilled meat and expensive furniture. it was quiet, warm, and intimidating in a subtle, rich-people way.

you barely had time to take your shoes off before someone else appeared around the corner—tall, broad-shouldered, and immediately recognizable.

endeavor.

your body tensed involuntarily, like your survival instincts kicked in. he nodded stiffly.

“welcome.” shoto didn’t say anything, just stepped a little closer behind you, like his presence would shield you from any lingering tension in the room.

“hi… thank you for having me,” you managed politely, though you weren’t totally sure your voice came out.

endeavor nodded again. the silence that followed was suffocating. you could feel Shoto regretting everything.

“anyway!” fuyumi saved the moment with a clapping gesture. “dinner’s almost ready, you can go sit in the dining room !”

dinner was… surprisingly normal. since his father left due to a work related emergency, the discussion seemed to be much more open.

at one point, fuyumi leaned over with a warm smile and asked how you two met. you blinked and said, “oh, at a coffee shop actually.”

“she yelled at me,” shoto added, like he was just stating the weather. “i did not yell at you,” you said immediately, glaring at him with no real heat.

natsuo raised an eyebrow. “this sounds promising.”

“she cut the line,” shoto continued, between two bites. you turned to him, raising your eyebrows “okay, wow. no that wasn’t it” he looked at you, calm as ever.

“there was a clear order. you broke it.”

“i was literally just going to grab a straw.”

“you had intent in your posture.” natsuo laughed while his sister clapped her hands like this was the best dinner she’d ever seen.

you rolled your eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “anyway, he accused me of cutting, i told him to mind his business, and then five minutes later he offered to pay for my drink because he ‘felt bad about the misunderstanding.’”

“i did,” shoto said, already sipping his tea like none of this was unusual. “you were wearing a shirt that said ‘caffeine and violence.’”

“…and?”

“i was scared.” he went back to eating as if he didn’t just admit that.

after dinner, you all insisted everyone help clean up, which turned into shoto getting kicked out of the kitchen for trying to load the dishwasher wrong.

“how do you even mess it up that bad?” natsuo muttered, yanking a plate out. “you put a bowl in the plate rack.”

“It fit,” shoto replied simply, as if that were the only criteria.

you were drying dishes nearby, biting your lip to stop yourself from laughing. honestly, it was endearing. shoto could calculate the trajectory of an ice attack down to the centimeter but apparently couldn’t grasp modern appliances.

eventually, you were shooed into the living room with a mug of tea, tucked beside shoto on the couch while fuyumi and natsuo bickered over whether or not anyone wanted dessert.

the tv was on in the background playing some new year’s countdown show, all loud music and glittery stage lights. you leaned into Shoto a little, warm and full and weirdly at peace for being in the house of japan’s most emotionally complex family.

“they like you,” he whispered, you turned to him. “yeah?”he nodded “i can tell. fuyumi didn’t start stress-cleaning, and natsuo only insulted me twice.”

you laughed and leaned your head on his shoulder. “I like them too, they’re nice.”

there was a pause.

“…did you really tell fuyumi my favorite food?”

shoto didn’t answer right away. then: “i made a powerpoint.” you blinked. “you what?”

“for her,” he added casually,his eyes on the tv. “so she’d be prepared. she asked for a list of things you like, so I made one. it had slides.”

you stared at him. “you powerpointed me.” he nodded, entirely calm. “It had transitions.”

youwould’ve teased him, but honestly, your chest just swelled with affection so fast it kind of short-circuited your brain.

the countdown on the tv hit ten. fuyumi ran back into the room, waving sparkling cider and glasses, while natsuo complained about missing the remote.

everyone gathered around for the final countdown, and when it hit midnight, the room filled with cheers, clinks of glass, and confetti from god knows where (you suspected fuyumi).

shoto turned to you, eyes soft, and asked—completely monotone—“would it be appropriate to kiss now?”

“let’s not do that here yeah ?” you smiled at him as he nodded not really trying to understand why but he accepted it.

[rainrot4me]

How would they react if reader wanted to cockwarm them 👀

Also your writing is absolutely gorgeous hello how come you’re not famous 💅

✦ . jeff the killer

He freezes at first—like his brain short-circuits and has to reboot. You say it so casually and he’s suddenly sweating bullets.

“Wait… You mean—you’re just gonna sit there? No moving? Just…?”

You nod sweetly.

His pupils blow wide. He pretends he’s unaffected, but his whole body is trembling the entire time. He’s trying so hard to play it cool, teeth clenched, fists balled, until you lean forward and kiss his neck like you’ve done nothing wrong.

“You’re evil,” he rasps. “Actual demon. I love you.”

Neither of you can hold still for more than 3 minutes.

✦ . ticci toby

Instant flustered mess. He twitches, stammers, and stares at you like you just cursed him.

“Wait, what? You wanna—like—me stay in you? But we’re…not…?”

You just hum and rest your head on his chest.

He doesn’t know what to do with himself. All that stimulation and no movement? He melts into you, his hands gripping your waist like it’s the only thing grounding him. The overstimulation rides the line between panic and pure affection.

“This is gonna kill me,” he whines. “You’re literally gonna-a kill me.”

You last 8 minutes before you both get too touchy.

✦ . eyeless jack

He pauses. Tilts his head, calculating your tone.

“You sure?” he murmurs. “That’s… intense.”

Jack sees it as sacred—bonding, not just indulgence. Once he’s convinced you’re not teasing, he folds you against his chest and lets the silence stretch. His hands move up and down your back like he’s memorizing the shape of your soul.

“Tell me when it’s too much,” he says softly. “Or not enough.”

You stay there for what feels like hours. Breathing in sync. Nothing rushed. Just…together.

Total time: 1 hour 14 minutes.

✦ . masky (tim wright)

You say it and he immediately scowls.

“Seriously? You wanna do that? You know how torturous that is?”

But the moment you climb on, he grips your hips tight. You see it in his eyes—the tension, the hunger, the way he’s dying not to move.

He growls in your ear, voice low and dangerous:

“You better enjoy this, because I’m gonna ruin you when it’s over.”

But he doesn’t push. He lets you have your silence. And the longer you stay like that, the more you feel his breathing even out… his arms slowly wrapping around you tighter than before.

You last 14 minutes before letting him take over.

✦ . hoodie (brian thomas)

He doesn’t react at first. Just blinks slowly behind the mask.

“That’s what you want?” he murmurs. “You don’t want anything else?”

You shake your head and settle in his lap. His gloved hands wrap around your thighs like a cage—steady, silent, sure. He doesn’t need to speak. His body says everything.

There’s something sacred in it. Something his.

He nestles his forehead against yours and whispers, “Then don’t go anywhere. Stay with me.”

Easily 45 minutes.

✦ . ben drowned

Your words short-circuit him. He blinks rapidly, flush creeping up his neck.

“Y-You wanna just—just sit there?? Like—no movement at all? That’s so…”

He swallows.

“Hot. Terrifying. But hot.”

He tries to play it cool, but his pixelated nerves are fried. He whines when you get comfortable, trying to stay still even though you’re being sweet.

“You’re such a menace,” he grumbles. “A persistent menace. I’m obsessed with you.”

He lasts 16 minutes before begging you to move.

✦ . laughing jack

At first? Confusion.

“Is this one of those new-age things? Some kinda weird kink challenge?”

But when you explain—no, it’s just closeness, just stillness—his grin falters.

“Oh…”

He softens, surprisingly. Like you cracked through something lonely inside him. He hums a little circus tune as you curl against him.

“I’ve never done quiet love before,” he whispers. “You’re ruining me. I love it.”

And he stays still. For you. For as long as you need.

Surprisingly, 52 minutes.

✦ . slenderman

He tilts his head, unreadable. But something shifts in the air—like gravity settling around you.

“A tether,” he says. “You wish to anchor us.”

You nod. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t ask more. Just takes you into his arms and folds his tendrils protectively around you. The act becomes something cosmic. Timeless.

He doesn’t speak again. But in the stillness, you feel it:

I am yours. And you are mine. Entirely.

We have a winner: 2 hours.

꩜ .ᐟ

[cece693]

Hear me out percy jackson x demeter reader what if reader got kidnapped too by Luke just like Hades but reader doesn't like Luke an let me tell you percy and demeter ARE GOING WILD the crops are all dead and the water is going crazy

That's all thank you!

YOU TOOK THE WRONG PERSON

pairing: percy jackson x son of demeter

You were never meant to be part of the prophecy. You weren’t a warrior, not in the traditional sense. You could make vines grow through concrete, calm wild animals with your voice, and coax life from dry earth—but a fighter? No. You weren’t supposed to be on the battlefield.

But you were Percy’s.

And that made you a target.

They took you in the night—Luke and his followers. You fought, of course you did. You thrashed and shouted and lashed out with roots and thorn-covered whips, but Luke had planned this. He used celestial bronze nets soaked in hydra venom to dull your magic, and even as you screamed Percy’s name, the earth couldn’t reach you. Your mother couldn’t reach you.

At least, not yet.

Camp Half-Blood woke up to wilting gardens. Strawberries shriveled on the vine. Roses blacken mid-bloom. The Demeter cabin is on its knees, their prayers unanswered, the soil refusing to listen. But that’s only the beginning. Because when Percy finds out, when Chiron breaks the news that Luke took you,—“We think he intends to use them as leverage. You’re close, and their connection to the seasons—”

Percy’s already gone.

He doesn’t scream. He doesn’t shout. He just leaves, a storm trailing behind him. Quite literally.

The skies turn black. The ocean begins to surge unnaturally, even in places far from Poseidon's domain. Water floods subway systems and overflows dams. Rain won’t stop. Thunder pounds the clouds like a war drum. And Demeter? She’s not idle, either.

“My son,” she says, her voice brittle as frost. “Taken like Persephone. But this time, I will not weep. I will rage.” She refuses to bring spring. Crops fail. Vineyards rot. Fields across the globe dry into brittle husks.

Humanity begins to notice. But none of that matters to Percy.

He would tear the world apart ocean by ocean if it meant getting you back.

Meanwhile…

Luke tries to manipulate you, playing the old card of, “They don’t care about the truth, only the prophecy,” and, “You and I could be so much more.”

You stare at him like he's soil that refuses to grow. “You’re not Hades,” you spit. “You don’t get to play villain and still act like you’re in love with the world you’re trying to destroy.”

“You think Percy will come for you?” Luke mocks, cruel. “He’s a pawn of Olympus.”

You stare at him, the pain in your wrists forgotten, your breath catching not from fear but fury. Your voice is soft when you speak, but every word lands like the crack of roots splitting stone.

“No,” you say, gaze locked and unflinching. “That’s where you keep getting it wrong. He’s not a pawn.” You lean forward, eyes sharp with something ancient, something your mother passed into your bones like wildseed. “He’s the storm. He doesn’t take orders—he makes the sea rise.”

Luke falters—just for a second.

“He’ll come for me,” you continue, your voice calm, almost pitying, “not because the gods told him to. Not for Olympus. But because he loves me. And you? You wouldn’t know what that kind of loyalty looks like if it strangled you in your sleep.”

The silence stretches. You feel it in the walls—the faint tremble of far-off water

“You’re not a god,” you finish. “You’re just a boy playing tyrant in someone else’s war.” And that’s when the walls groan. Dust rained from the ceiling. Somewhere above, something—no, everything—shifts.

Luke’s smug smile finally cracks. “What did you do?”

You blink slowly. “I didn’t do anything.” You tilt your head, listening. “But the tide’s coming in.”

And then it hits.

The far wall of the chamber explodes inward, not with fire—but with water. Pressurized and howling like a leviathan. It floods the corridor, swallowing Luke’s guards in seconds. Vines as thick as tree trunks burst through cracks in the floor and lash out like serpents, tearing down pillars, choking weapons from hands, dragging the unworthy underground.

And then—him.

Percy stands in the breach. Soaked to the bone, blood trailing from his temple, celestial bronze blade clenched so tightly in his fist it creaks. His sea-green eyes land on you, and something ancient and wild ripples behind them.

“Get away from him,” Percy says, and there’s no room for argument. His voice booms like waves against cliffs. “Now.”

Luke draws his sword. “You won’t make it out of here with him,” Luke hisses. “I’ll make sure of that.”

“You already lost,” Percy growls. “The ocean doesn’t ask permission.”

And suddenly he’s moving—the kind of speed you don’t see, only feel. Water blasts forward in a crashing spiral, knocking Luke off his feet. The two clash in a blur of silver and blue. You watch helplessly, shackled, vines too exhausted to respond—but the earth is listening again. You whisper low, coaxing the stone, and slowly, steadily, the roots obey.

Chains snap. Your arms fall limp at your sides, burning—but free. Just in time to see Luke flat on his back, sword flung from his grasp. Percy doesn’t strike the killing blow. No. He plants a foot on Luke’s chest and points Riptide at his throat. “You hurt him. You took him."

Percy’s voice trembles—not from weakness, but from holding back the kind of wrath that could shatter continents. “You tried to break the world by using the person I love most as bait.”

Luke sneers, though he’s pinned. “Still think you’re a hero? You’ll never stop it—Kronos is coming. You’re just another demigod in the meat grinder, Jackson.”

“Maybe,” Percy says, eyes burning. “But I’m the demigod who’s still standing.”

He doesn’t kill him—not out of mercy, but defiance.

Instead, he lets the earth have him.

Vines snap from the ground, curling around Luke’s limbs, dragging him down like an ancient punishment—the wrath of Demeter herself. The floor cracks, soil groaning, and the last thing Luke sees before darkness claims him is Percy wrapping you in his arms.

Percy collapses to his knees beside you, arms instantly pulling you in. He smells of salt and blood and ozone, the sharp scent of a storm that finally passed. “I’m here,” he breathes. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

You sag against him, the adrenaline finally fading. “You came.”

“Of course I did,” Percy says, almost incredulous. His voice cracks at the edges. “I’d flood the world if that’s what it took. You think gods scare me? You think fate scares me?” He cups your cheek, thumb brushing over the grime and dried blood. “Losing you—that’s the only thing that terrifies me.”

You lean into the touch. “You scared the plants.”

He laughs wetly, eyes still shining. “You scared the sea.”

[headspace-hotel]

@mediocrerenaissancememe I took a beekeeping class last year and got to work with bees a bunch so here's my corrections/comments

first off, honey bees are not an endangered species. beekeeping is a very precarious business right now, and there are very few "wild"/feral honeybees at least in their introduced range, but this is not the same thing as being in danger of extinction.

clipping queens wings was actually not recommended by my textbook because sometimes if the workers feel that something is wrong with the queen, they will kill her, and it's not all that effective at preventing swarming. If you want to prevent the queen from leaving you can basically put a little door in the hive that is just big enough for the workers to leave but not the queen because she's bigger.

swarming is how honeybee colonies reproduce in nature. they make a new queen, the queen leaves with a bunch of the bees and honey, and the hive continues. this is their natural reproductive behavior, but beekeepers usually multiply hives by allowing the bees to raise new queens, removing the new queens, and placing them in new hives created by splitting up large hives. thus swarming is not necessary for them to reproduce.

When ALL the bees leave, that's called absconding and bees do it when they are not happy with the conditions of their hive. This can be because of parasite infestation, strong chemical smell, basically anything the bees don't like

african and european honeybees are the same species, but african honeybees are more aggressive. bees that have interbred between the two sub-species are called "africanized" bees or more commonly, "killer" bees. Basically, africanized bees are more vigorous in defending their hives to the point that they can literally kill people and livestock because they sting so many times. i don't have to explain why this is bad. however, they are better adapted to tropical environments so some keepers in central and latin america have learned safety precautions to work with them.

Artificial insemination of queens isn't very common, but nowadays a lot of researchers are trying to more intentionally breed bees with certain traits like disease resistance, and artificial insemination is the only way to do this because you otherwise can't control what drones the queen mates with. Yes, collecting the semen kills the drone, but only because drones naturally die during mating.

culling queens happens sometimes but it's important to note that a natural part of the queen's life is killing other queens in their cells or fighting them to the death once she emerges.

Low-performing hives are merged with more successful hives, not culled. Annual hive losses are up to 50%, but beekeepers obviously don't want this to happen.

The main source of profit for beekeepers actually isn't honey, it's pollination services. This is probably the main ethical problem with beekeeping as bees are trucked very long distances to pollinate industrial monocultures of crops like almonds, and in the process they are exposed to pesticides and diseases. it's very brutal on the bees and the pesticide filled industrial agriculture is obviously very bad for the ecosystem.

honey bees aren't native to areas outside europe, africa and asia, but since there are many crops from europe, africa and asia (such as almonds) that depend entirely on honeybees for pollination, they're not going anywhere unless we stop growing those crops.

I think the evidence is still unclear on whether honey bees negatively impact native bees in any way, but there isn't sufficient evidence to call them an invasive species

most of this comes from The Beekeeper's Handbook by Diana Sammataro and Alphonse Avitabile

Wild that folks keep saying beekeepers abuse bees as if bees are not both venomous flying animals and fully unionized

[momosweetpeach]

This is in no way me trying to be like rude or hateful, so if it comes off that way I apologize.

Like I kinda understand the CoraLaw ship, I also like don't? For some reason my brain just views it as like almost grooming??? Idk, would it be possible for you to please further explain your view on the ship? Obviously you are under no obligation to do so, and it's fair of you think you shouldn't have to explain your thoughts on it. I am moreso just curious.

Regardless I absolutely adore your art, especially how you draw Penguin and Shachi.

This isn't rude at all, this is actually quite polite and civil! And also-

I shall go in depth below since it'll be a lot.

First and foremost, a lot of people seem to have a totally bastardized idea of what "grooming" actually even IS nowadays. It gets tossed around so much that people forget that the main trait is INTENTIONALITY. It is an INTENTIONAL process of manipulation and abuse for selfish reasons (similar to gaslighting). It is very hard to "accidentally" groom someone. You can give them the wrong idea, maybe, but that's not grooming. It originally means to basically prep and train up someone for a specific role later in life. Doflamingo uses this meaning of the term when talking about wanting to train Law up to become his righthand man.

Cora-san's character is LITERALLY DEFINED by his selflessness and sacrifices he makes to save Law's life. He doesn't expect anything in return. He acts on a sense of duty and then empathy. He suffers greatly in attempts to allow Law to survive and live freely, out from under the thumb of his brother.

Speaking of Doflamingo real quick, for some reason I feel like I see the ship of DofLaw get a lot less hate than CoraLaw despite the fact that they're in similar positions. Usually, because people have the headcanon of DadCora even though Law never views or refers to Cora as a father figure in any canon or spinoff material. If you have that headcanon, fine, whatever, but you have to remember that canonically, Law and Cora do not see their relationship as familial. That's part of the weight in the scene that Law has with Sengoku after Dressrosa. "Don't look for a reason for somebody's love."

Law didn't have to be family or important or anything for Cora to love him. He just did, if anything, from a sense of deepseated empathy and understanding of the pain that Law was going through.

Now- the actual shipping part of it.

It is also extremely difficult to groom someone if you are GONE FOR 13 YEARS.

The most commonly depicted manner of CoraLaw as a ship is Cora returning after 13 years, whether he secretly survived Minion Island, has been a ghost, was resurrected- whatever it may be, there is the gap of Cora being gone and assumed dead for over a decade. That is a LONG TIME to be separated from a person, and by the time you reunite, things will have changed, ESPECIALLY LAW. He is NOT the same person he was at age 13 anymore, obviously. He is a fullass grown adult at age 26 in the current canon. He has become an entirely new person with new strengths, confidence, and outlook on things.

Another important part of the ship to me...is that it is most often LAW who is pursuing CORA, not the other way around. LAW is the one who has spent all this time devoted to avenging Cora and being basically obsessed with honoring his memory and repaying the sacrifices that Cora made to him. The devotion is met in equal measures in that sense.

Their relationship as adults, 26 and either ALSO 26 or 39 (depending on if Cora is resurrected or has actually been alive this whole time) is them recognizing how things have changed and how their dynamic has now evolved into something totally different. Law isn't a kid that Cora can pick up like a football. He's an accomplished pirate captain. He was a warlord for a bit!!! He's an insanely powerful and scary guy tbh!!!

But Law still has a soft spot for Cora, still talks about him with an edge of kindness and love. Law would he terrified of admitting that he's perhaps developed feelings because of the fear of rejection from his most precious person, the one he owes everything to.

A lot of fics go with the mutual pining angle, both afraid of ruining what they have, despite the fact that things aren't the same as they were 13 years ago. It's an interesting space to explore and requires a lot of trust ans vulnerability on both ends-

No. It's not a conventional relationship by any means. I won't argue that. But that's why I like it, damnit. It's a fictional scenario that is largely impossible in our world, and it's a fun space to explore and to consider the depth of the affection they already have for one another, evolving into something different and new.

That's the main takeaway here tbh for me. It's FICTION. Literally no individuals are being hurt and it's not even ticking off any boxes of the usual Dead Dove sort of things so. Yeah

Jazz hands

[theamberparadise]

Hello, This is my first time making a request on your block.

Can you do a NSFW and dating headcannon for Jeff the killer and ticci Toby x Jessica Rabbit like s/o ( separately ) , please

HI HONEY IM SO SORRY THIS WAS SO LATE TUMBLR DELETED MY 2K WORD DRAFT AND NOW I HAVE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN IM SO SORRY

TICCI TOBY AND JEFF THE KILLER X JESSICA RABBIT READER

SYPNOSIS; How would Jeff and Toby react to reader who looks like Jessica Rabbit?

TWs; toxic relationship, blood

A/N; hi hon!! welcome to my blog!! im so sorry this was sooo late tumblr hates me sm, i hope you like this as much as i liked writing it!

ps! i assumed reader is also a killer.

"Seriously, what do you see in him?" "He makes me laugh."

TICCI TOBY

The first time he saw you, Toby was beyond bewildered. Were you real or were you another figment of his twisted imagination?

Nonetheless, his eyes were on you now. And he needs your eyes on him.

His first instinct? Flaunting his muscles at you whenever and wherever he can. Getting a glass of water? His shirt is suddenly off. Fixing yourself in front of the living room mirror? He mutters it’s hot then slowly rips off his jacket. Seeing him during training? He flexes his muscles a bit more.

He thinks this is a widely accepted way of getting girls when really it’s so awkward when he does it.

Second instinct? Getting as close to you as he possibly can just to sniff your scent. Even if you’re just leaning gracefully against a counter, he might walk in, head high, shoulders back while he leans right beside you. Not across, not near, beside. Like there aren't any more spots for him to lean on.

“Toby, hon,” you cleared your throat. “You’re getting a little close.” “Am I?” he cocks his head to the side. “My bad, I’ll move aside.” 

He moves literally three inches away.

His third and final attempt? Leaving you gifts! Although it does leave you confuzzled.

One moment your Versace heels are there, and the next second, you hear your door close and now it’s gone. The next day, you wake up to see your Versace heels back again, with a pair of sword heels from Paciotti– in your size.

More of his gifts would include a sketchy brand of lotion from a drugstore, a cracked eyeshadow palette, and a seemingly used lipstick.

You appreciate his efforts but you couldn’t help but feel perplexed.

Once he notices you haven’t been saying “thank you” to him like you should be, he trudges to your door post-mission holding a bundle of snapped flowers that looked like they were pulled from a couple’s anniversary date (it was) with his breathing awry and ragged.

He keeps his eyes steady on yours. And as soon as you asked what was wrong, he shoves the bouquet in your face, like he didn’t cause you to have an allergic attack.

“Fuh–flowers. For y-you.” You gently press the cloud of petals down. “Okay, Toby– Okay, honey.”

He would still press his gaze onto you like you owed him something (which you did) and after about five minutes, he speaks once again. “Why ha-haven’t you wearing m-my gifts?”

You stay silent, backing away as your heel meets the floor again, your face looking to your side.

You feel his thumb and index gently hold your face in the right direction– where he is, and leans even closer than ever.

“I wa-want you. Do you want m-me t-too?”

Ever since you said yes to him, his ego had been fueled to the MAX.

If somebody even slightly mentions you, he’s on them and joining the conversation he had nothing to do with. “Oh, h-her? Yeah, I pu-pulled her. Not li-like you g-guys can do anything ab-about i-it,” that statement earns Toby a nasty black eye, of which he thankfully didn’t feel, but caused his face to swell for a week. He crawls back to you seeking validation even though it was him who started the mess.

He does anything and everything for you if it means he won’t lose a part of his pride like he did last time with Clockwork. Complaining about the heat melting your makeup off? He’s installing a new air conditioner. Notice a rip in your oh-so-glittery dress? He’s suddenly suitable as a surgeon. Need to detangle your hair? He’s treating it like a frail animal.

It’s the same when you’re on missions together. A rowdy victim scuffs your shoe? “That little sh-shit,” he’s off hacking the poor guy to hell.

He blushes shamelessly when you call him "my boy" or "my good little champ" while pinching his cheeks, makes him feel like one of those guys back in his middle school that would steal his crushes.

And although all of this seems sweet, it doesn’t mean it won’t have toxic tendencies.

His jealousy problems can overwhelm the relationship. He immediately jumps to conclusions every time he sees you hanging out with someone who’s not him. “Why were y-you looking at h-him? You’re not th-thinking of talking t-to him, are you?” “Did you go for a smoke with them j-just now? You’re fucking him, aren’t you?”

It hurts, yes, but try to actually pursue another guy and he’ll come crying floods with his knees on the floor, gripping on your dress like it’s his life line.

"Toby, baby, no pulling, please." You try to snag the fabric gently from him. "No, no, no, no, don't leave me-- p-please no, I'm s'sorry," he chokes out, "Never again, hon, please,"

NSFW 

The reason why he takes care of your hair so gently and attentively is because he likes to pull on it whenever he’s fucking you from behind or receiving a blowjob from you. Seeing you wince in pain while you’re so used to being taken care of by him is like cocaine.

He memorizes all the spots you like to reveal in your outfits just by him staring at you for hours on end. He uses this to his advantage and cheekily leaves bites on there.

Purposefully buys you makeup that isn't kiss proof just to see your lipstick stain his lips and his cock. Sometimes, he takes pictures of them and sends them to whoever was bullying him recently.

Have a meeting with the major proxies and need to orgasm in the middle of it? No worries, he’s under your dress sucking your clit like there’s no tomorrow.

Loves it when you wear heels during sex. He cums in his pants by the thought of you stepping on his dick with them.

Once he gets home after a particularly frustrating day of missions, he drops down to his knees and starts humping your leg with his bare cock while massaging your hands and arms through your silky gloves.

He circles his thumb on the seams of your long dress while you give him the best titjobs of his life.

Lives for the idea of you having a wardrobe malfunction in front of him and the other proxies. Lowkey a cuck.

Bites every cellulite line he finds, every stretch mark he finds, kisses every scar you might have and thanks you for even letting him.

Moans a little louder than he’s supposed to when you suck on his adam’s apple.

He finds cumming in your hair so enchanting, seeing milky white beads of his honey absorb into your smooth hair has him groaning.

JEFF THE KILLER

“Holy shit,” were the first words that escaped his mouth when he first saw you. 

I mean, how could he not? Look at you, all shiny and pretty, it’s like you were made by an angel from heaven. He’s seen his fair share of hot supermodels and sexy porn stars, but none of them even come close to a creature as beautiful as you.

His approach for you is… not great.

Catcalling, whistling, and pervy pick-up lines were his first thoughts. “ *wolf whistle* Nice tits, dollface!” “ *imitates animal clicking* Here, kitty, kitty.” “Over here, sweetcheeks!”

He does this especially when he knows others are watching. It’s his twisted way of calling first dibs.

Jeff loves how you play hard-to-get with other guys in a smooth, jazzy way. Even more when you do it to him.

When he feels as if you were ignoring him (which you were) he likes to leave twisted drawings of you taped on your door. Nothing too crazy, just you in your usual outfit of glamour and heels, but this time your boobs are way bigger than they are and your butt is wider than they should be. You figure that it’s how he looks at you.

You crumpled his drawings and threw them away? That’s fine, he’ll just go a little bit further and bring you a severed finger in a ziploc bag with a ring still on it. Surprisingly, the ring is actually a real diamond worth fifty thousand dollars. And it fit perfectly, too!

You thank him a day later and he thinks he’s the sexiest man in the world.

He then takes it even more up the road– weirdly just touching your hair with his grimy hands until you turn around and gently ask him to stop. Taking extreme observation of your face like it’s an art piece. Even stealing your perfume and spraying it on him even though he has never come close to even hugging you.

After Jeff feels like it’s time to go in for the catch, he breaks inside your room while you’re sleeping and hovers over you, caging you with his body. You’re still sleeping, face freshly moisturized and pretty. He lets his ragged, heavy cold breath blowing onto your face to wake you up, and once you do he grins even wider than humanly possible.

“Y’know, you coulda been sleepin’ in my bed.”

Once you said yes, he was on top of the world. He got cockier than he should really be.

He makes uncomfortably loud grunting and throat clearing noises to make everybody look at him and you, with his arm wrapped tightly around your waist, beaming wildly like he just caught a bear.

He purposefully makes out with you in public view, not caring about your lipgloss absolutely coating his face

For his bit of toxicity, he isolates you whenever too many people serve as competition.

This stems from his insecurity of not protecting what he should be protecting, so to keep your eyes only on him, he either locks you up in his room or a wide plain full of nothingness.

He ventures and finds you pretty daggers to keep on a garter on your thighs especially if you have a dress with a huge slit, both for show and for protection, even though he’s there beside you practically 24/7.

Goes crazy for you in red. Going out in an all-red outfit for a date? He’s insisting you stay at home.

He lets you use his blood from his mouth slit as lipstick.

Speak to him in that sultry voice of yours and he’s in love forever.

"Jeffrey, baby. Get me my eyelash curler, will you?" "Oh, shit," he groans, throwing his head back. "You sound like sin, sweets."

NSFW

Remember him dragging you back to the house because you wore red? Well, you’re now on the floor, getting plowed into next week.

Also goes crazy for you keeping your heels on during sex, especially when you can’t take it anymore and you’re pushing him off with them, just for him to push your legs up to your ears and fuck you deeper.

He likes it when you keep your dress on while you ride him. It makes the whole thing feel risky– forbidden.

Jeffrey likes you to get messy. One time, you come back from a rough mission looking like utter shit. Hair tangled like matted fur, dress ripped at the seams, stockings ruined, makeup smeared to hell… It took him everything from within to not pounce on you right then and there. Instead, he drags you by the arm, skin bruising under your glove to his bed and makes you look even worse the following morning.

He loves it when you have a full face of makeup and a pretty outfit before you have sex. It’s like a trophy to him– mascara stains on his pillows, your poor dress ripped to shreds on the floor.

Remember your sultry voice? Use it on him when you order him around and his heart will stop. He might cum in his pants without you touching an inch of his pale skin.

He likes making you stumble out of the door, limping out with his cum still inside and your panties in his pocket, leaving you to pray that your dress doesn’t fly up in the wind.

Do you like your bra being stolen from you? I hope so. Because he’s not going to return it after making you strike up a conversation with everyone while your tits threaten to pop out.

He purposefully messes with your clothing, cutting the seams just right so when you put it on it rips at the most ridiculous places. A huge rip from your clavicle to just under your tits. The seam at the slit of your dress lets go when you take a little step.

Loves watching your usually tired and sexy eyes shoot open when he hits that sweet spot.

[wkngsnds]

Mini Analysis- Ragatha and Jax

Something tells me Jax’s initial plan was to use Pomni to make Ragatha jealous but ended up making an actual friend which is very sweet considering his last real friend was, basically, her beta concept as many have pointed out.

But also, it’s a little funny how obsessed he is with Ragatha without realizing it. He can’t bring himself to acknowledge that he genuinely cares for her. And why would he? She probably took care of him for a bit when he first joined, but he probably picked up on her placating attitude, “If you tell someone they’re loved and appreciated everyday it just…it kind of loses all meaning”. This, plus his coping mechanisms and her, possibly, botched attempt at consoling him when Ribbit abstracted drove them apart. Remember, Ragatha entered the circus before him— she’s been there, quite literally, his entire life. Yet he can’t bring himself to admit that he’s attached to her especially after going through the grief of Ribbit.

Episode 4 & 5 have confirmed that they know the other is constantly putting up a mask. In Episode 4, Ragatha asks, “Can’t you find a way to relieve yourself that doesn’t involve hurting people?” And in Episode 5, she says, “…it’s better than turning her into some insensitive jerk who deflects everything…and then you just act like you never do anything wrong and everybody loves you when in reality you just fuck everything up for everyone else” (oof the projecting in this scene; surprised she didn’t call him ‘mom’)

Likewise, Jax has multiple occasions throughout epsidode 5, most notably “I think she tries way too hard…Like why are you always pretending everything’s always fine”, “Geez Raggy, just let yourself be mean sometimes. It’s funny!”, and “oh right, I should force to be happy all the time instead, right?”

You could argue Jax wants to be friends with Ragatha, but the genuine side of her that he knows experiences sadness, pain, and fear. I don’t believe he wants her to abstract, and in fact he might want to save her. It’s possible Ribbit might have acted similarly to Ragatha but was a little more genuine in his positivity (akin to Pomni), and that could have been their downfall. Ragatha means a lot more to Jax than he realized— she matters to him and he hates it.

As for the reverse? I truly don’t believe Ragatha hates Jax— perhaps irritated and annoyed, but not hate. Instead, I think she is heavily projecting her mom onto him as mentioned with the quote above. I think she has a hard time disconnecting the two in her mind given that he has berated her in every episode and just recently guilt tripped her into apologizing (granted he was probably joking and didn’t think she actually would). But unlike her mom who has authority over her, Jax is a stranger to her and so it’s easier for her to call him out.

It gives some extra weight to when she said “I like hate you, but I don’t want you to hate me.” It’s common that a child of parent emotional abuse will have complicated feelings towards their parent— the contempt for treatment but the yearning for approval and love. This is something I’ve touched on before, but to reiterate: Ragatha cannot stand how irresponsible and nasty he can be towards others (I don’t think she cares if he picks on her tbh), but she needs his approval, and now we can speculate that’s it’s because it’s the closest thing to getting her mom’s approval.

Ugh these two make my fucking sick

[tinyfandomknight]

You Were Always | Raphael Hamato

Pairing: Raphael Hamato x Reader Summary: Your date ended horribly. You walked home alone in the rain, sobbing, with a red mark on your arm and a story to keep from your green best friends (because they brutalize bad people, plus you were just embarrassed of your judgment.) Big Red, however, was tired of being your best friend -- and was waiting to tell you that. Themes & Warnings: protective!Raph, emotional love confessions in the rain, mentions of violence and possible carrying out of violence, swearing, slight fluff, comfort, Raph being angry bc he's always angry.

Having mutant turtle best friends was not how you thought your twenties would go. Not that you weren't thankful.

You just thought you'd be hanging out with your girls, going to bars, meeting dudes and finding your calling while studying in college. You thought it would be full of mini skirts, glitter, vodka and dreams. You were wrong. Completely wrong. Instead, you were walking home drunk from a bar alone, fell down an open manhole cover, and were caught by strong, green arms.

You screamed for a second. Passed out. When you woke up, you were on an old tattered couch with a giant rat staring at you, then looking at the four hulking turtle-human men in disdain.

That was how you met your boys.

It didn't take you long to love them. You loved Leo's courage, his leadership, his perfect advice every time you asked for it. He was more mature than most people you knew, though he hadn't experienced a full life that was similar to yours. You loved Donnie's intelligence, his excitement about his hobbies, how gentle he was, and how eager he was to teach you about things you'd never heard about. You loved Mikey's carefree spirit, the way he could always lift you up when you were feeling down, and his spectacular sense of humor. And most of all, you loved Raph.

You always attracted a bad boy. Always, always. Though it wasn't romantic, it was natural for you to spend the most time with the most rough-around-the-edges motherfucker there was. It was just how your life went. When you met Raph, he was tough to crack at first. He was a little grumpy about a new human joining their lives, adding to the chaos that April O'Neil originally brought -- but he warmed up to you until he was ultimately the closest to you out of the four.

At first, he didn’t speak to you much. Just kind of grunted when you came by. Didn’t laugh at your jokes. Barely made eye contact.

But you noticed the small things. Like how he always checked the tunnels before you left. How he stood between you and the sketchier parts of the lair. How he walked you out even when you said you didn’t need an escort.

You started staying longer when he was around. He started lingering in the doorway when you visited.

Eventually, that turned into regular late-night talks, usually on the couch, or while he bench pressed literal cars in the corner of the dojo. You’d sit with your legs crisscrossed, talking about dumb things: your classes, your horrible job, your wild roommates. He’d grunt or smirk, occasionally tossing in a sarcastic comment that made you snort into your soda. Sometimes he’d say something unexpectedly thoughtful, and it’d stick with you for days.

What no one told you about Raph was that he listened. He remembered everything -- the names of your old pets, the fact that your mom was sick, your weird favorite candy that no one else liked. He noticed when you wore makeup to hide stress, or when your laugh didn’t sound quite right.

When you got sick, he brought you soup and didn’t make eye contact the entire time. When you got dumped, he punched the punching bag until his knuckles bled and didn’t say why. When you succeeded, a passing grade, a new job, a clean day, he acted like it was your world championship.

And you?

You kept him soft.

You gave him space to breathe. Let him be quiet when he needed to be. Made him laugh when he didn’t want to. You saw past the temper and the walls and the scowl and found the stubbornly loyal, deeply sensitive, fiercely protective man underneath.

You made him feel safe.

It was always you and Raph -- shoulder to shoulder, sarcasm for armor, both pretending it wasn’t more.

Even if everyone else already knew it was.

The day you came into the lair talking about some date, Raph surprisingly held his tornado of anger, disgust, and jealousy inward. You never even noticed it. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to hide everything he was feeling -- maybe through the "keep calm" tactics that you'd taught him one day -- but he did it successfully. It wasn't like you'd never gone on a date before. You'd even gone on multiple dates with one chump, calling him your boyfriend before you eventually got tired of him questioning where you went every Friday night (movie night with the boys.)

“He's actually really nice,” you said, sucking the last few drops of a smoothie Mikey had made through a straw noisily. “He does concrete construction or whatever. He helped with the new sidewalk outside my university.”

The boys listened. Donnie sat on a stool, staring down at some little gadget he was working on, making noises of acknowledgement to show he was listening. Mikey did dishes, occasionally stopping to look at you. Leo sat politely, eyes on you.

And Raph? Raph stood next to you, arms crossed solidly, wishing he could run away and beat the shit out of something.

“Well, angelcakes, he sounds like a nice one.” Mikey commented, grinning. “But remember Mikey's rules for date safety! Never--”

You rolled your eyes.

“Never leave your drink uncovered, never--” You attempted to finish.

“--go anywhere alone, and if he orders milk on a first date, run,” Mikey finished, snapping a soapy finger toward you like a coach on game day.

You snorted. “He ordered beer last time, so I think we’re in the clear.”

“Still kinda weird,” Donnie mumbled, not looking up from his work.

“Beer’s weird?” you asked, lifting a brow.

“No,” Donnie said, adjusting a dial, “him.”

That earned a laugh from Mikey and even the smallest twitch of a smile from Leo.

But Raph? Raph didn’t smile. He didn’t speak.

He just stood there beside you, hulking and silent, jaw tight, arms crossed so hard his biceps flexed like steel cables under his skin.

You never noticed the tension, not really. You never noticed how his eyes flicked to your exposed collarbone, still dotted with the leftover shimmer of whatever perfume you wore. You never noticed how he inhaled, just once, like he could smell him on you. How he fought the urge to throw that smoothie cup across the room.

You never noticed because Raph didn’t let it show.

It wasn’t the first time you’d mentioned some dude. You’d brought up a few before. Guys who left you unsatisfied, frustrated, confused. He’d always been there after. Quietly listening. Driving you home. Standing behind you in line at the bodega, just in case the ex showed up and needed reminding. He made a public appearance a lot now, since Donnie had invented the projection watches -- they gave the boys human bodies, human personas for when they had to go up top and not raise hell. For when they needed to be up there for regular, human business.

This time was different.

This guy was new. He was “nice.” He had a job that involved strength. You smiled when you talked about him.

You stopped by again before you went on tonight's date. Your outfit would've made Raph blush if he wasn't so fucking pissed. You had a short, black dress on, just long enough to keep it classy but with enough leg showing to make you look sexy. Your hair was curled and tucked into a bun, ringlets falling in front of your face. Your makeup wasn't dramatic, it accentuated your naturally beautiful face. You wore heels, but they still didn't touch Raphael's height at all. After all, the man was like six foot seven.

You twirled in front of the boys, smiling brightly.

“How do I look? Is there something I'm missing?”

You were standing in front of him, spinning like some perfect little fever dream, the soft lighting of the lair catching the shimmer on your legs and the curve of your smile, asking him -- the guy currently gripping the edge of the counter so hard it might crack -- if you were missing something.

Yeah. You were missing something. Him.

He didn't say it. He couldn’t say it. Not with Leo watching you like a protective big brother. Not with Donnie adjusting his glasses and muttering something about “statistical likelihood of safety.” Not with Mikey wolf-whistling in the background like he was front row at a runway show.

“Daaaamn, baddie,” Mikey grinned, dramatically fanning himself with a pizza box. “You look like heartbreak in heels. Don’t kill the guy. Unless he deserves it.”

“I won’t,” you giggled, smoothing the sides of your dress. “He’s just taking me to dinner. Somewhere nice.”

“Nice how?” Leo asked cautiously.

You shrugged. “Little Italian place near the East River. It’s casual. Wine, candles… pasta, hopefully.”

Donnie didn’t look up. “Call me if anything seems off.”

“You’ll know before I do,” you said, tapping your phone. “I’m sharing my location with you already.”

“Smart girl,” Leo said with a nod.

Then your eyes flicked to Raph, still standing frozen by the fridge, knuckles white where they wrapped around the counter. You smiled at him -- warm and sweet, like you always did -- and tilted your head.

“Well? You didn’t say anything. I look okay?”

His throat was dry. His jaw clenched. He couldn’t look at your legs again, not when you were dressed like that for someone who wasn’t him.

You looked like temptation itself. You looked like his worst mistake waiting to happen. You looked like everything he couldn’t have.

So he gave a grunt. “Yeah. S’fine.”

“Just fine?” you teased.

He forced himself to look at your face. Just your face.

“You look great,” he muttered.

You beamed, completely unaware of the furnace behind his eyes. “Thank you, Raphie.”

Then you stepped close, too close, and reached up to fix the collar of his tank top with that same tenderness you always had. Your perfume hit him like a punch to the gut.

“You’re always honest with me,” you said softly. “That’s what I like about you.”

His jaw ticked. “Don’t like lyin’.”

You smiled. “I’ll be back late. Don’t wait up.”

Then you turned, heels tapping across the cement floor, and disappeared into the tunnels with a quick wave goodbye.

And Raphael?

Raphael stood there silently, watching the spot where you’d been, breathing slow through his nose like if he didn’t, something in him might snap.

Because it should’ve been him.

Taking you to dinner. Making you laugh over wine and pasta. Driving you home with your heels dangling from your hand, your lips gloss-smeared and smiling just for him.

Instead, he was stuck underground. Fuming. Wishing he'd just said it.

Wishing he’d told you the truth the moment you walked in, all sparkling eyes and lip gloss:

You didn’t look perfect.

You looked like his.

He groaned, wiping his huge hand across his forehead in frustration. Leo watched him carefully, pursing his lips. Donnie said nothing, as usual, and Mikey sensed the tension, tucking himself back into his corner where he was eating his pizza and playing his video games.

“She's your best friend. You should have just been honest,” Leo hummed carefully, as if not to set off the beast. “The truth'll come out one way or another.”

Raphael didn’t answer right away. He just stood there, still leaning against the counter, still seething under the surface like a volcano that had been too quiet for too long.

His hand dropped from his forehead, falling heavy against the edge of the counter with a dull thud. His jaw flexed. Once. Twice.

“Yeah,” he muttered finally, voice low and full of gravel. “Well. Too late now, ain’t it?”

Leo tilted his head, arms crossed, giving him that look. The big brother one. The patient, steady stare that somehow made Raph feel like he was still twelve and throwing punches in the dojo.

“It’s not too late unless you decide it is,” Leo said, voice calm, but firm.

Donnie didn't glance up from the device in his hand, but his voice carried from behind his glasses.

“She trusts you more than anyone. Statistically, emotional vulnerability paired with long-standing companionship has a higher chance of success than new--”

“Donnie, if you don't--” Raph snarled.

Donnie blinked. “Right. Not helping.”

Raph turned away from all of them. Walked a few paces across the lair like he might burn the energy off if he just moved enough. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, and his shell shifted with the tightness of his shoulders.

“She looked happy,” he said finally, bitter. “Talkin’ about him. Smilin’. Gettin’ all dressed up. Like he’s doin’ somethin’ for her that I can’t.”

Leo raised a brow. “Or maybe she was just excited someone finally asked. Doesn’t mean she picked him over you, Raph.”

“She did.”

“No,” Mikey chimed in from his corner without looking up. “She just doesn’t know you’re an option.”

That stopped Raph cold.

He stared across the lair, frozen in place, the words echoing in his skull.

She just doesn’t know you’re an option.

Because he’d never said it. Never given her the chance to choose him. Just stood beside her like a shadow while she cried over losers, complained about red flags, rolled her eyes at controlling texts and kissed cheeks that weren’t his.

He groaned again, dragging a hand down his face.

“What am I s’posed to do, huh? Run outta the shadows and confess like some kinda Hallmark hero? ‘Hey, surprise, I’ve been in love with you for years. Wanna ditch the dude who has fuckin' concrete all over his clothes and smells like Axe body spray?’”

Leo snorted. “Better than sulking in the sewers and letting someone else make her miserable.”

Mikey finally paused his game and looked over, eyes more serious than usual. “She’s not the kind of girl you can replace, bro. You know that.”

And Raphael did know that.

He knew it every time she laughed so hard she wheezed. Every time she fell asleep on the couch beside him, legs draped over his lap. Every time she saw him, really saw him, through the walls and the anger and the scars. She was his best friend. His anchor. The only soft place in a world that never gave him one. And he was gonna lose her to some prick in a hard hat who didn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as her.

Hours passed. No calls, no texts. But Raph had decided. No matter what happened, he had to tell the truth. He had to come out and say it before he fuckin' exploded.

You finally sent a text, telling them you were going home, the date had gone "fine."

He was going to tell you. Tonight. When you got home from your date. Then, you could tell him whether you wanted the concrete brained little shit -- or whether you wanted someone who'd actually love you. Who loved you. Now. Always. Since he'd let you break into his walls, touch the parts of him that had never had a hand on them.

He threw a hoodie on, grabbing his phone, and moved to leave. Twisting his watch, he became a vision of himself, not quite Raph, but Raph enough.

Still tall. Still hulking with muscle. A buzz cut with a red bandana covering it, tattoos all over his skin, the same intimidating green eyes. He was hot actually, which you'd admitted when you first saw the projection. All of them were. Raph, though.. It truly did him justice.

Although secretly, you'd always thought Raph was hot. Projection or not. It was what originally drew you into him.

Raph heard Leo's voice from the corner of the lair, the dojo.

“Good luck.”

The rain was the first thing he noticed. He welcomed it, letting it pour down onto him in calming waves. He walked to your house, opting not to take the shell-raiser. After all, if things went badly, he'd probably find some dirty criminal to pummel.

He reached your apartment, sitting on your front steps under the overhanging roof. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it, puffing on it slowly as he waited for you to approach.

What would he even say? What would he do if you told him to fuck off? He didn't let the nerves dissuade him. It needed to be said, bad results or not.

It was about five more minutes before he saw your silhouette in the rain. You were small, far smaller than him, of course. He knew it was you by the way you walked. You were walking, walking, walking, he was waiting to see your face through the waves of water. When he finally did, his eyebrows furrowed.

Mascara stained your cheeks. Crying. You were crying.

You walked awkwardly, the closer you got. Your hand clutched your arm.

Then, your e/c eyes lifted. You saw him.

Quickly, you wiped your face with one arm, acting like nothing had ever happened. Then, the hand quickly came back down to cover your arm -- Raph wasn't close enough to see what you were covering. You reached Raph, looking at him in confusion.

“Raph? What are you doing here in the rain--”

He didn’t answer at first.

His eyes were locked on you, all of you. The ruined makeup. The limp in your walk. The tight grip you had on your arm, like you were trying to hold yourself together.

You were hurting. That much was obvious. And trying to hide it from him.

From him.

He stepped forward without thinking, eyes narrowing. His jaw clenched, and his voice dropped low, rough.

“What happened.”

You blinked, caught off guard by the edge in his tone.

“Nothing,” you said quickly. Too quickly. “I’m fine. Really.”

“You’re not fine,” he said, stepping in closer. His eyes dropped to your arm, the one you were still guarding like a shield. “What’s under your hand?”

“Raph, it’s nothing, I swear--”

He was in front of you now, towering over you, not in a way that scared you, never in a way that scared you, but in a way that said he knew. That he wouldn’t let it slide.

“Move your hand.”

You hesitated. Looked up at him.

He wasn’t yelling. He wasn’t huffing and puffing, or pacing, or growling with his fists balled up like he usually did when something pissed him off.

No. He was quiet.

And that was worse.

“No. Raph, please, I am perfectly--”

“Move your fuckin' hand, shorty, now.”

“Raph.”

His voice cracked through the rain like thunder.

“You want me to move it?”

It wasn’t a threat. It wasn’t violence. It was a promise, for your own good. A promise that you'd heard before. He'd make shit happen.

You flinched, not because you were scared, but because you knew what was coming. You knew once he saw it, really saw it, there’d be no stuffing the rage back into the bottle. You hesitated just a second longer.

And then you moved your hand.

Raph’s eyes dropped immediately.

Silence.

The bruise was ugly. Purple and red, already deepening, shaped like thick fingers curled into the soft skin of your arm. It told a story you hadn’t even finished living yet.

He didn’t speak.

Didn’t breathe.

Didn’t blink.

Just stared.

Then his chest rose -- slow, steady, dangerous.

His jaw flexed, his nostrils flared, and his eyes, those sharp green eyes, burned.

“Motherfucker,” he muttered, voice low and venomous.

You reached for him. “Raphael--”

You couldn't quite get him in your grip, just the fabric of his sweatshirt in a small hand. It was wet, soaked with rain, but you managed to keep your grip. He turned towards you, lip almost curled into a snarl. Anger heated the air up -- could've boiled the rain.

“You said the date was fine. Fuckin' fine. Look at your--” he cut himself off, taking a breath and looking up at the sky. “You lied to me. Why would you lie to save that waste of space?” He hissed, turning completely towards you.

You flinched, not from fear, never from him, but from the sheer weight of his rage.

The rain kept falling, soaking through your clothes, matting your hair to your face, but none of it mattered. Not with Raphael standing in front of you like a storm barely restrained, fists clenched, shoulders squared, breathing like he’d just fought ten men and still wasn’t done.

“I wasn’t protecting him,” you said quickly, gripping tighter to his hoodie. “I was protecting you.”

That stopped him.

His jaw twitched. His eyes snapped to yours, sharp as glass and just as fragile beneath the surface.

“I knew what you’d do, Raph,” you whispered, voice trembling. “And I didn’t want to lose you to a cell or a manhunt or -- or something worse. I didn’t want to see you destroy yourself for me.”

He looked at you for a moment.. Then laughed. Bitterly.

“Don't worry about it. Ain't no motherfucker on this earth that's gonna touch you and walk away fine. Whether you feel bad or not,” he said. He towered over you, trying to force his green eyes away from the nasty injury on your arm. “I'd burn this city down for you if ya asked me to. I'm gonna kill this fuckin' guy.”

Your breath caught in your throat. Not because you didn’t believe him, no, you absolutely believed him, but because you could feel it. You could feel the truth in his voice, in every clenched muscle, in the way his words shook with restraint.

“Raph--”

“I mean it,” he snapped, stepping closer, close enough that you could feel the heat rolling off his chest. His projection shimmered faintly in the rain, struggling to keep up with the fury boiling just beneath his skin. “I don’t care if I gotta rip the fuckin’ streets up brick by brick, he’s gonna learn.”

You reached for him again, laying your hand gently against the front of his soaked hoodie. His heart was hammering underneath, furious, panicked, wild.

“I’m okay now,” you whispered. “I’m with you.”

He shook his head.

“Not good enough,” he growled. “You should never have to feel scared. Not when you got me. Not when you been right here in front of me this whole time and I’ve been too chickenshit to say what I really feel.”

You swallowed hard. “And what’s that?”

His jaw flexed again, rain trailing down his face like it was trying to cool him off. He took a breath, deep and shaky, and looked down at you like you were the only thing tethering him to the earth.

“Shoulda been me.”

“W-What?”

He looked down at you still, his hand traveling down to pull your wet strap back up over your shoulder.

“Shoulda been me. Takin' you out, now that we can go up top,” he said, his voice gravelly. “Shoulda been me walkin' you home. Kissin' you at your front door step. Shoulda been me you were gettin' all pretty for.”

You stared, eyes wide and glassy.

“You were walkin’ around in that dress, hair done up all nice…smilin’ about some guy who didn’t even deserve a hello from you,” he muttered, eyes locked on yours, voice just shy of breaking. “And I stood there like a fuckin’ idiot, pretendin’ it didn’t kill me.”

His hand slid up, gently brushing your cheek with his thumb, rainwater tracing the movement.

“I ain’t ever felt more useless than watchin’ you leave tonight, knowin’ I wasn’t the one takin’ you out. Knowin’ I let someone else touch you ‘cause I was too much of a coward to say somethin’. And now,” he hissed, “I gotta kill the stupid fucker. Cuz he laid his hands on the girl I love.”

You didn’t even flinch at the words, the girl I love, but your breath caught like a rope had cinched around your chest and pulled tight.

The rain still fell in steady sheets, soaking you both to the bone, but neither of you noticed. Not really. Not with the confession hanging in the air between you, burning hotter than the storm around you.

“Raph…” your voice was soft. Barely a whisper. “Please.”

His gaze flickered, wild for a second, like he’d just realized he’d said it out loud. Like the truth had broken out of him without permission. But once it was out, he didn’t backpedal. He didn’t retreat.

He stepped in even closer, your bodies almost touching, his massive frame shielding you from the worst of the wind.

“I love you,” he said, voice low and rough, thick with emotion. “I love you. You think I’ve been watchin’ you all this time just to be your backup plan? Some guy you crash on when the rest of the world sucks?”

“No,” you breathed, shaking your head quickly. “No, I never thought that.”

“I been in love with you since the second you looked at me like I wasn’t just a monster. Since you laughed at my dumb jokes, shared your food, yelled at me when I got too hot-headed. You see me, and it scared the shit outta me.”

A warm tear ran down your face. His thumb caught that too.

“You're too good for this world. Too good for me. Too good for him. And even though you ain't mine, I'll happily shit-stomp any man that crosses you.”

You let out a soft, broken sound, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, as your hand reached up to cup his face, rough jaw and all.

“But I am yours,” you whispered. “I’ve been yours, Raph. This whole time. Was just too stupid to see it.”

His breath hitched, just for a second, and his hands flexed on your waist, like he couldn’t believe he was actually hearing the words. Like maybe the rain had messed with his head, or the universe was playing some cruel joke.

But your eyes were honest. Open. No walls, no filters, no fear. Just you, standing there in the storm, bruised and soaked and choosing him.

“You’re-- you wanna be?” he asked, voice cracking, like a kid afraid to hope.

You nodded, fingers curling at the back of his neck, drawing him closer. “Yes. I was just too scared to ruin us by saying it. I didn't want to lose you, Raphael. You're all I have. The only thing worth it.”

A beat of silence passed, thick, electric, before he pressed his forehead to yours with a low, aching groan.

“You’re gonna kill me,” he breathed, voice hoarse, reverent. “You’re gonna fuckin’ kill me.”

And then he kissed you.

Hard. Fierce. Real.

He kissed you like he’d been holding back for years, because he had. His hands tangled in your hair, one arm wrapping around your lower back, lifting you off the pavement like your feet didn’t deserve to be on the same ground as the man who hurt you. His lips were warm despite the cold, pressed firm and sure to yours like he had no plans of letting you forget how long he’d loved you from the sidelines.

When he pulled back, you were both breathless. His voice was low and shaky when he said:

“If you’re mine… then you don’t ever gotta deal with this shit again. No more cheap dates, no more fake shit, no more bruises you try to hide.”

You swallowed, tears welling fresh again.

“Okay.”

“I mean it,” he said. “I’ll keep you safe. I’ll keep you loved. Proper. The way you always shoulda been.”

You rested your head on his chest, listening to the steady, thundering beat of his heart under soaked fabric.

“I know,” you whispered.

And he just held you tighter.

Because you were his.

And now, finally, he was yours too.

BONUS:

However, your date, though you thought Raph forgot about him.. did not escape retribution.

A couple nights after the incident, your date, Todd, stood alone. He was sweeping the new concrete, cleaning up after a week of work, headphones dangling from his ears. He hummed a tune, staring down at the pavement, admiring his work.

Didn't even notice the two hulking shadows approaching from behind him -- 'til his headphones were ripped right out.

“What the--”

He turned, startled, just in time to see something big and orange spin toward him. Todd took a full-on roundhouse kick to the chest from Michelangelo and went flying into a pile of sandbags like a cartoon.

“Yikes, bro,” Mikey said, cracking his knuckles. “You can put your hands on women but you can't take a hit yourself? Bummer.”

Raph stepped forward, massive arms crossed, that black hoodie of his soaked from rain and rage. “So you’re Todd, huh?”

Todd wheezed, struggling to sit up. “W-What the hell?! Who the hell are you?!”

Mikey grinned wide. “Let’s just say we’re the after-party to that date you fumbled so bad.”

Todd blinked, confused, then scowled. “This is about that chick? She said it was fine. What, you two her brothers or somethin’?”

Raph’s jaw ticked. “Somethin’.”

Then he grabbed Todd by the collar and lifted him off the ground like a rag doll. “She said it was fine,” he repeated mockingly, eyes narrowing. “Right after she came home cryin’ with a bruise in the exact shape of your grubby little hand. Sound fuckin’ familiar?”

Todd squirmed. “I-I didn’t mean--she was getting mouthy, I just--”

That was all he got out before Raph slammed him into a cement pillar, holding him there like a schoolyard bully from hell.

“I should break every bone in your slimy little body,” Raph growled. “But I promised her I wouldn’t kill you.”

Todd whimpered. “Then what--what are you gonna do?!”

Mikey stepped up beside Raph with a sweet, sunny grin… and a bright pink backpack.

“Oh, we’re gonna teach you, bro.”

Cut to:

Todd, thirty minutes later, is tied up Spider-Man style with neon pink jump rope, suspended upside down from the scaffolding. Mikey had drawn flowers and hearts all over his face in washable marker. His pants were missing (they were now duct-taped to the top of a flagpole nearby), and his shirt had been swapped with a hot-pink crop top that read: “I Cry When Girls Yell.”

A chalk sign was propped up beneath him. It read:

“Hi, I’m Todd. I’m a big, dumb, concrete-throwing jerk who hits girls. My biceps are fake. Don’t be like me. This could happen to you.”

“Next time,” Raph said, crouching down beside him, voice calm but terrifying, “you keep your hands to yourself. Or I’ll let Mikey use the glitter glue.”

Todd whimpered, nodding frantically, tears dripping down his inverted face.

“Glitter. Never comes out,” Mikey added with a wink.

With that, the brothers disappeared into the night, high-fiving as they vanished into the shadows.

Lesson taught. Message delivered.

And Todd? He never went near another woman without a very polite tone -- and two feet of personal space.

You, however, saw it in the news the next day.

The headline read:

“Masked Vigilantes Hijack Construction Site to Publicly Shame Harasser -- Chalk Sign Warns: ‘Don’t Be Like Me. This Could Happen to You.’”

You groaned, rolling your eyes.

“Raphael Hamato! Come here! Now!”

You heard the unmistakable sound of his boots thudding down the stairs before Raph appeared at the entrance to your room, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised, a smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, baby?” Raph said, leaning against the doorframe, all casual confidence. His smirk widened as he took in your unimpressed expression. “You, uh… saw the news, huh?”

You held up the newspaper, shaking it at him. “This was your idea of ‘handling it quietly’?!”

Raph shrugged, pushing off the doorframe and sauntering into the room. “Eh, we didn’t kill him. That counts as quiet for me.”

You groaned again, tossing the paper onto the bed. “Raph, you literally left a chalk sign. And Mikey drew on his face.”

“Yeah, and?” Raph flopped onto the bed beside you, stretching out like a smug cat. “Dude’s lucky that’s all we did. You shoulda seen the other ideas Mikey had-- we didn't even use the glitter.”

You shot him a glare, but the corner of your mouth twitched. “You’re impossible.”

Raph grinned, reaching out to tug you closer. “Nah, just thorough.” He pressed a kiss to your temple, voice dropping into that low, dangerous tone that still sent shivers down your spine. “And now everyone knows what happens when some punk puts his hands on you. He ever comes near you again, they ain't gonna find his body.”

You huffed, but you couldn’t fight the warmth spreading in your chest. “...You’re ridiculous.”

“Yeah,” Raph agreed, unrepentant. “But I gotta make sure my girl's taken care of.”

You sighed, finally letting yourself smile as you leaned into him. “...Thanks, Raph.”

He squeezed you tighter, pressing another kiss to your bare shoulder, just above the strap of your tanktop. “Anytime, shorty.”

(And if, later that night, you may have doodled a little heart next to the newspaper clipping before tucking it into your desk drawer? Well. That was your business.)

[jedi-luca]

Head Over Feet: Chapter Six Midnight Rain

Summary: You didn’t know Dina before she came back to Jackson. She’s guarded, jaded, and carrying the weight of too many goodbyes. Now you can’t stop thinking about her. It’s a slow burn, and you’re patient… but will she ever let down her walls? Or will someone else reach your heart first?

Pairings: Dina x GN!Reader slowburn

warnings: spoilers if you haven’t played the game or seen the show

Previous Chapter

Maria didn’t look up when the knock came.

“Door’s open,” she called.

Dina stepped in, closing it softly behind her.

Maria was at her desk, reviewing a supply manifest, glasses halfway down her nose. She didn’t say anything at first. Just looked up once, clocked Dina’s face, and went back to her clipboard.

Dina stood still.

Too still.

Maria didn’t need much more than that.

“You look like someone kicked your dog.”

Dina let out a breath that wasn’t quite a laugh. “Do you have a second?”

Maria put the clipboard down.

“For you? Always.”

Dina sat in the chair across from her, arms resting on her thighs, head hanging a little. She looked tired not just from patrols or poor sleep, but something deeper. That worn kind of ache that settles in the bones when regret digs its roots in.

“I tried to talk to them,” Dina said quietly.

Maria didn’t ask who. She just waited.

“I had it all planned. I even got that stupid ring.” Dina gave a bitter smile, shaking her head. “The one Kim helped me find.”

Maria leaned back in her chair, fingers steepled. “And?”

“They were kind. Like always. Patient. They let me say more than I deserved.” Her voice wavered. “But I didn’t get to finish. Before I could say the part that mattered, Lili showed up.”

Maria’s brows lifted slightly. “The Lili?”

Dina nodded.

“Well. Shit.”

“Yeah.” Dina rubbed her face. “They just… ran into each other. Literally. Like it was a movie.”

“What’d you do?”

“What could I do? I stood there like an idiot while she wrapped her arms around them like she’d been waiting her whole life. And Y/N…” Her voice broke a little. “I’ve never seen them smile like that. Not at me.”

Maria was quiet for a moment.

“I don’t know what I expected,” Dina muttered. “It’s not like I hadn’t already blown it. I pushed them away. Repeatedly. And when they finally stopped waiting… I finally figured it out.”

“That’s how it works sometimes,” Maria said. Her voice wasn’t cruel. Just real. “The second you stop running, the door’s already closed.”

Dina looked up at her, eyes wet but not crying.

“Is it wrong that I want them anyway?”

Maria sighed, folding her arms. “No. It’s human. But wanting someone doesn’t mean you’re entitled to them. Not after everything.”

“I know that.”

Maria studied her a moment longer. “You’re not a bad person, Dina. You’re just late. And being late has consequences.”

“I thought maybe… if I showed them I’d changed…”

Maria’s gaze softened. “Maybe you have. But they don’t owe you anything. Especially not with someone else showing up who didn’t hesitate.”

Silence stretched between them.

Finally, Dina whispered, “I think I love them.”

“I know you do.”

Dina nodded once, more to herself than to Maria.

She stood.

“Thanks for letting me… talk.”

Maria gave a small nod. “You know where to find me.”

Dina reached the door then paused, hand on the knob.

“If they pick her,” she said, “I won’t get in the way.”

Maria looked at her, the way a mother might. Stern. Loving.

“You already did,” she said gently. “Now all you can do is step back… and mean it.”

Dina didn’t answer. Just nodded once, then slipped out, quiet as she came.

The door clicked softly shut behind her.

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Charlie was out like a light.

You brushed a hand gently through her curls, tucking the blanket around her small frame. She’d asked about Lili three separate times while brushing her teeth asking if she was your friend, if she was staying, if she used to be important.

You didn’t have the language to answer any of it.

So you told her Lili was someone from before. Someone who mattered. That seemed to be enough, for now.

The room was quiet now, her breathing slow and even.

You stayed in the doorway a little longer than you needed to, just to breathe.

Then you stepped outside, where Lili stood on the porch, leaning into the rail, her braid loose now, wind tugging at a few strands near her face. She turned at the sound of your boots on the step.

“She asleep?” she asked.

“Out cold,” you said, settling beside her.

“She’s amazing,” Lili said, voice low. “And so is this place.”

“It’s quiet most nights. We like it that way.”

She smiled at that. Then tilted her head, studying you.

You looked up at the stars. “I still can’t believe you’re here.”

“I am,” she said softly. “Still flesh and blood.”

“I’ve imagined this moment before,” you admitted. “So many times. You showing up. Telling me you looked. But then I’d wake up. And Charlie would cry. And it’d all just… vanish.”

Lili didn’t speak at first. She just let the air settle between you before asking, “What happened after your dad took you out of school?”

You took a slow breath. “My family had a cabin in the woods deep in Colorado. If you remember, my dad had just gotten home from his last tour.”

“Of course I remember.” Lili nodded, listening intently.

“Then you remember he came back… different.”

She nodded, taking your hand. She remembers when you told her your father died out there, and returned a different man. You were still young and wouldn't realize until you became a little older that he suffered from PTSD and paranoia.

“I never told you that he was planning for the end of the world. Like he knew it was going to happen. He was a huge prepper. Stockpiled supplies, set up traps around the perimeter even made us practice exit routes. We thought we were ready.”

Lili smiled faintly. “That sounds like him.”

“We stayed out there for years. Stayed off the radar. Until a raider group hit the cabin. They killed my brother and his wife. Charlie was still basically a toddler. My dad grabbed her and my mom then we just ran.”

You paused. Your hands curled into the railing. “We made it about half way. Tried to cut through this old lumber town. That’s where a bloater got my parents.”

Lili’s face fell. “Oh my god…”

“They bought us time,” you said, voice tight. “I didn’t look back. Just grabbed Charlie and ran. Kept running until we made it here. Dad always said Jackson was our safe haven. He met Maria and her ex husband through the radio years ago.”

Lili blinked back tears. “You didn’t just survive, Y/N. You raised someone. You kept going when anyone else would’ve given up.”

You gave her a quiet, tired smile. “She’s the reason I made it. I had to become someone worth staying alive for.”

A beat passed.

Then Lili’s voice, softer now: “Do you remember your birthday? That night before everything changed?”

You looked at her slowly. “I think about it more than I should.”

Her smile turned shy. “It was my first kiss.”

You swallowed. “Mine too.”

Lili’s fingers brushed yours. A pause gentle, and electric. Then she said, “I always wondered if we’d meant the same thing to each other.”

“We did,” you said.

Your hand slipped into hers like it belonged there.

A pause lingered between you. Then she stood.

“Well, for what it’s worth, you still make my stomach do weird things.”

“You should stay the night.”

Lili smirked in a soft way.

I never got to say goodbye back then,” you said, voice low. “So maybe I don’t want to say goodnight either.”

Her expression softened. There was no hesitation in the way she leaned in.

And then, with the kind of gravity you couldn’t fight even if you tried you kissed her.

It was gentle. Familiar. Not rushed or unsure, but full of history and softness and something that had never stopped lingering, even after all this time. Her hands found your waist. Yours found her cheek. It felt like a page finally turning.

When you pulled back, she rested her forehead to yours.

“I missed you, Y/N.” she whispered.

“I missed you too.” You reply, caressing her cheek.

But just down the path Dina was walking fast.

She’d rehearsed her words over and over. She hadn’t said everything at the gate. Hadn’t said the most important thing the part that mattered. The part that still burned in her chest.

Now she was finally ready.

She turned the corner and froze.

You were on the porch.

With Lili.

Kissing her like it still meant something.

Dina didn’t speak.

Didn’t breathe.

She just stood there, stunned in the shadows, heart thudding loud enough to drown everything else out.

Too late.

Again.

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She didn’t remember how she got home.

One minute, Dina was standing in the dark, heart cracked open on the gravel path, the sound of your laugh tangled up with someone else’s kiss.

The next she was inside her house, the door shut, her back pressed to it like it was the only thing holding her upright.

JJ’s toys were scattered across the rug.

Dinner plates were still in the sink.

The couch blanket was half on the floor.

Everything normal.

Everything wrong.

Dina pressed a fist to her chest, like maybe that would stop the ache from crawling up her throat. But it didn’t. It only made it worse.

She slid down the door and sat on the floor.

And then

She started to cry.

Not loud.

Not sharp.

Just silent, shaking sobs that came up from somewhere deep. The kind you can’t talk yourself out of. The kind that only come when you realize hope has slipped through your fingers and left you with nothing but timing and shame.

She buried her face in her knees, curling into herself. Her shoulders shook.

She hadn’t cried in front of anyone in years.

But now alone, in the dark, with nothing left to pretend about she couldn’t stop.

Because she knew what she saw.

It wasn’t just a kiss.

It was that look on your face. The way you smiled against Lili’s lips like you’d just been handed something precious. The softness in your voice. The ease in your body.

The kind of love she didn’t even let herself imagine you’d ever give her again.

And it was too late.

Again.

The ring box was still in her coat pocket.

She pulled it out and stared at it with blurry eyes. Opened it. Closed it. Opened it again.

It wasn’t even an engagement ring. Just a token. A promise she was finally brave enough to make.

But now?

Now it was nothing.

Just another thing she’d held onto too long.

She sat there for a while, quiet except for the hitch in her breath, the creak of the house, the hum of a place that didn’t know her heart had just shattered.

When JJ’s soft snoring came from the next room, Dina wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie, tried to get her breathing under control.

She had to pull herself together.

She always did.

But this?

This time it felt harder.

Like maybe she’d finally waited too long to deserve another chance.

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You were sanding down a busted chair when you heard the footsteps.

Slow. Hesitant.

You didn’t look up right away. Just ran the sandpaper over the edge once more and exhaled through your nose.

Then you said quietly, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Dina said.

You glanced up. Her hoodie was gone. She’d braided her curls back tight, probably to keep her hands busy that morning. But her eyes were tired. The kind of tired that came from feeling too much, not too little sleep.

She didn’t come closer. Just stood near the door of the barn, watching you work like she was building courage with every second.

You set the chair leg down and wiped your hands on a rag.

“I’m not here to make it weird,” she said finally. “I just… needed to see you.”

You nodded once, cautious. “Okay.”

She took a breath like she’d been holding it since last night.

“I was going to tell you something. Before the gate. I had it all planned. Rehearsed, even. You know me.” She laughed, quiet and self deprecating. “Words never come easy unless I’ve overthought them.”

You leaned against the workbench, saying nothing yet.

She swallowed. “I saw you. Last night. On the porch.”

You didn’t flinch. You just held her gaze and said gently, “I figured.”

She looked away, jaw clenched.

“I told myself I’d missed my chance a long time ago,” she continued. “But I kept hoping you’d… wait. Just a little longer. I thought maybe if I said it right if I said it better you’d still be open. Still be mine.”

She finally looked at you again. There wasn’t anger in her face. Just ache.

“I can’t blame you,” she said, voice shaking. “I really can’t. She’s someone you loved. Someone who didn’t shut the door in your face over and over.”

You stepped forward once not enough to close the space, just enough to let her know you weren’t running.

“I never asked you to be ready before you were,” you said gently.

“I know,” Dina whispered. “And that’s what makes it worse.”

You let that hang there. The honesty of it. The weight of everything she didn’t say last fall, last month, last night.

After a long beat, you said softly, “You should’ve told me how you felt before you saw someone else get there first.”

That hit her square in the chest. Her shoulders folded a little.

“I didn’t think I deserved to,” she said. “After how I treated you.”

You looked down at your hands. “Dina, I… I waited for a long time. Because I thought maybe you’d change your mind. Maybe you were just scared. And I could be patient, because I got that.”

You glanced back up at her. “But I couldn’t wait forever. Not without losing parts of myself along the way.”

Dina nodded, blinking fast.

“I don’t hate you,” you added. “I never could.”

Her lip trembled. “I wish that made this hurt less.”

“I know.”

Silence settled again. Softer this time.

Finally, she stepped back, gave you a nod, and turned toward the door.

But before she left, she said, “She’s lucky. To have you.”

You didn’t answer. Just watched her go.

And when the door shut behind her, you sat back down heart heavier than you expected.

Dina didn’t go home right away.

She wandered.

Past the mess hall. Past the greenhouses. Past the corner of the court where JJ liked to collect rocks.

She walked until her legs ached, like maybe she could outrun the way Y/N’s voice echoed in her chest.

You should’ve told me how you felt before you saw someone else get there first.

The words weren’t cruel. Y/N hadn’t meant them to be. But they carved something wide open inside her anyway. Because they were right. They’d always been right.

And she had always been just a little too late.

She ended up sitting on the bench outside the library. Not on purpose. Her feet just took her there, like memory knew the way. The spot where she and Ellie would talk for hours. She buried her face in her hands.

The bench creaked softly beside her.

She looked up and saw Kim settling in, a thermos in her hands.

“Didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” Kim said softly. “Saw you from the corner.”

Dina gave a small smile, wiped quickly at her face. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Kim said, offering the thermos. “It’s that awful peach tea you used to hate.”

Dina took it anyway. “You remembered.”

“Muscle memory,” Kim said, then nudged her shoulder gently. “You okay?”

Dina didn’t answer right away.

Then, carefully: “No.”

Kim didn’t flinch. Just folded her hands in her lap and waited.

After a while, Dina said, “I keep messing it up. I push away the people I love and then wonder why no one stays. I thought if I just waited long enough, things would line up. That I’d be enough.”

Kim reached out, set her hand over Dina’s. Warm. Steady.

“You are enough,” she said. “You just don’t always believe it.”

Dina blinked hard. Looked down at their hands.

Joseph walked up a minute later, holding JJ on one hip and a bag of trail mix in the other. JJ spotted Dina and reached out without hesitation.

“Mama.”

Dina took him, her arms wrapping tight around his small frame. He laid his head against her shoulder instantly.

Joseph sat beside Kim, not speaking, just listening.

After a long silence, Dina murmured, “I saw Y/N with someone else. And I knew I was too late. But I still tried. And it still hurt.”

Joseph gave a quiet nod. “My grandmother used to say timing was the cruelest part of love. Not the loss. Not even the fear. Just the moments you don’t get back.”

Kim added, “But she also believed that some people come back around. Even if the road is messy.”

Dina rested her cheek against JJ’s hair. He smelled like crackers and dirt and sunshine.

“I don’t think Y/N hates me,” Dina whispered.

“They never did,” Kim said.

“I just don’t know if they can still love me. Not like before.”

“They don’t have to love you like before,” Joseph said. “They just have to know you’re still trying. That counts.”

Dina closed her eyes.

JJ stirred. “You sad?” he asked sleepily.

She nodded, lips pressed to his forehead. “A little.”

He stuck a goldfish cracker in her hand.

“For you.”

She smiled. “Thanks, bud.”

Kim leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “You don’t have to figure it all out today.”

“I don’t know how to let go.”

“You don’t have to,” Kim said. “You just have to let it change.”

A/N: Yes lili is lili reinhart lol

[iamacebookworm]

This 30 second clip explains House & Wilson's entire relationship, in this essay I will -

This one 30 second clip summarises House and Wilson's entire relationship/dynamic; let me explain.

House is doing something both immoral and illegal. Smoking indoors is illegal enough, let alone smoking INSIDE A DAMN HOSPITAL! Which is also immoral and unethical. It's also unprofessional, considering House is on duty. Seeing a patient/visitor lighting up could be put down to either ignorance of how bad that is, or them not caring. Seeing a doctor do it is something else! Not to mention the doubly immorality (and irony) or smoking in an ONCOLOGISTS office - ya know, with smoking being a major risk factor for developing cancer, and all that. (Also; ya know who knows that more then anybody? Wilson, the head oncologist. Just saying) Not to mention, burning money, which House is doing here, is also illegal. All these laws stand in New Jersey, where 'House M.D' is set, (yes I googled it. I'm English. I dunno much about the states).

So James, "head oncologist, known goody-two-shoes, Never Done A Thing Wrong In His Life" Wilson, sees his bestie breaking at least three laws, crossing several ethical and moral boundaries, and gives a feeble, "we can't smoke in here."

Notice: WE can't smoke. Not "you." Not "House you maniac, YOU can't smoke in here, put that out!" WE can't smoke. Even as Wilson says this, he KNOWS he's going to smoke with House. He's just giving this fake protest so that he can tell others, and, most importantly, himself, that he said something, that he TRIED to stop the loose canon that is House, but House is gonna House. Nobody is going to blame poor, innocent, easily-manipulated Wilson for being swept away and 'controlled' by the evil, dominating, controlling House. This is all bullshit and we know it, but that's what people THINK of Wilson. They think he's this sweet innocent little cutie pie who's caught up in the human tornado that is Gregory House. Wilson is an actor; he pretends to be this picture perfect person. He's the ultimate people pleaser who does what he thinks everybody wants him to do and be. He's got a golden reputation and the world's highest high horse that he refuses to climb down from. However, he and House both know that Wilson's little act is all bullshit. Wilson is often MORE of a freak then House himself. Wilson LIVES for the chaos, the rule breaking, the going-against the grain. House is like the humanised form of all of Wilson's inner desires. House says what he wants and does what he wants. Deep down, Wilson wants to be as wild as House, but he can't/won't let himself, so he's Silently Wild while House is Loudly Wild. They're both wild, adrenaline junkies who match each others freak SO damn hard. So Wilson's little 'we can't smoke in here' is equivalent to this:

Willy Wonka, famously, gives negative 10 billion shits right here, and that's obvious. He wants Mike TV to go use his equipment. But, to be able to say "he tried" to stop Mike, Wonka gives this deadpan yell. That's literally what Wilson is doing. If House was genuinely like, "oh damn, you right," and put the cigar out, Wilson would malfunction windows-shut-down-noise style and we all know it. He wants to join in, and he can't join in without House. Wilson would never start the cigar smoking or any other rule-breaking, because he doesn't want to be seen as the bad one, so he uses House as an scapegoat, an excuse to do whatever the fucks he wants.

Ya know, who knows all this better then anyone? House. Notice how House doesn't even react to Wilson's little fake protest. Anybody else would react in some way, a 'do you really want me to stop?' or 'we can go outside?' or 'you know you wanna join in.' Something. He just points out that they also can't get people into the clinic based on a petty bet, which is something Wilson did in this very episode. Wilson put a patient through the clinic to try to prove House wrong about something, with a £100 on the line. He's pointing out that Wilson is just as much of a rule breaker as he is. Also notice: before House says this, Wilson has already sat himself down beside House, and before House has even finished his point, Wilson has already stuck out his cigar for House to light on that same burning £100 bill. House doesn't even need to finish pointing out Wilson's fake hypocrisy before Wilson has started doing what he wanted to do all along; join in!

Then, in perfect synch, they cock their feet up on the table, kick back, relax, and take synchronised pleasurable puffs. House says, "well?" Well, is it good? Well, was it worth it? Well, how's your acting job tasting? And Wilson says, "disgustingly satisfying." It's disgustingly satisfying to break the rules, to indulge in this pure pleasure without worrying about anybody or anything else, the way House does. To say 'fuck it' to all laws, morality, ethics, reputation and rules. To just be, here, in this moment, having fun with his best friend/soulmate/husband.

This sums up their entire relationship. They're Loudly A Bastard (House) and Quietly A Bastard (Wilson), and this clip proves it. To anyone who says/believes that Wilson is this doe-eyed little Bambi, controlled by the big bad wolf that is House, I hope this proves that he's Hell On Wheels too!

Full clip: https://youtu.be/gfb3axuDtvk?list=PLVpMeJVI2LHul8_M2KfDifDobawxpakaP

Note/ SPOILER FOR EPISODE/clip:

Season 8 Episode 9 ''Better Half''

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As an Asexual, I don't approve of the implications this episode makes about Asexuality, but I can overlook that because House & Wilson are being hella gay. Plus, I just think of this as a Specific Case. Ok, so This Specific Patient isn't actually Ace, so what? I choose to not take that as a bash against actual Asexuals :) House hates everybody equally, after all 🤷‍♂😁