#sometimes when you arent educated about something you should just not say anything

[tranny-man]

Why does every major organization feel they have to put out a statement about Isreal and Gaza like why am I getting an email from a physics society about it...

[prestonmonterey]

hey so im v curious about like reality shifting and stuff but idk much about it and i have some questions

hii ok

im like

a bit eepy

but ill try to make my thoughts make sense

so

(forgive me, i wanna learn more about shifting and the community, but all of my knowledge comes from inherently critical sources, so im sorry if i come off as rude or anything, im not trying to be i genuinely want to learn more about this)

reality shifting

to my understanding

is like...kinda a combination of fiction/fanfic and dreaming.

and it stems from the idea of the multiverse?

and the idea. that you can exchange your consciousness with someones from another timeline/parallel universe

and usually this happens when youre dreaming or begins when you sleep

so

(also plz correct me if im wrong on any of the stuff above)

now onto question stuff

i think its pretty important, that like. a lot of the stuff ive seen around shifting and like, response to any criticism is basically like 'youre the only person holding yourself back" like, anyone can shift, so if you cant its your fault

and on one hand i guess this could be motivational? like as long as you try hard enough its possible?

basically i want to make sure it isnt hurting peoples self esteem or mental health

but also. i. had a similar experience with lucid dreaming when i was a kid. my mom had a phase about lucid dreaming and was telling me all about it and was like 'you should try it' so i did. i tried. over and over. to somehow just 'realize' i was dreaming and take control. it never worked for me. and my mom was like 'well i guess youre just not trying hard enough'

and it was really disheartening bc ive always had trouble with sleep (might have like. insomnia or something. ive never been able to sleep well through a full night even before my life was consumed by screens.) and ive always had extremely strange dreams. and in my waking mind of course i know that if my teacher turned into an octopus with an apple for a head (yes this did happen in a dream) i would definitely notice and be like 'hey, thats not right' but it doesnt work like that in dreams. in my dreams it kinda feels like my impulses control me and i dont have any sense of self or logic.

and it felt awful to be told that it was my fault that i couldnt do it.

i also know that lucid dreaming somewhat ties into shifting so thats one of my other concerns, bc ive never been able to lucid dream and i dont know if i ever will

also idk where to put this but like. safety is important to me. i have friends who shift and i want to make sure they arent like, actually at risk of dying? and even seperate from that im wondering if people use this as a form of escapism too often that it becomes unhealthy and like negatively affects other aspects of their life

next question: is there proof

of course theres going to be anecdotal evidence from individuals in the community, and thats super alright. but sometimes people make things up. and sometimes people tell made up things to young, impressionable children who carry those falsehoods into life. and im worried about that

ok so ive read like 1 artice about this all. but immediately it brought up a major red flag for me. it gave an example of a study on shifting. but. it didnt cite its sources

and if anyones wondering that is a huge no-no. anyone can make up conclusions from made up studies. the point of studies is to show that people who are properly educated and know what theyre doing support these claims.

now im not saying shifting is made up in any way. it just seems sketchy to me that seemingly widespread sources talk about studies but theres no links or anything. theyre basically saying 'i saw a thing about it. just trust me.'

also uhh...idk much about the multiverse. but from what i understand. it comes from the idea of free will. and that every time anyone makes a descision, a parallel universe is created where they made a different descision. so i get that that could change a lot of things about the world like the rate of inventions and industrialization and wars and stuff. but really the shifting that ive seen most is into more fantasy leaning worlds. and im kinda wondering how thats possible in the multiverse? like sure theres infinite timelines...but most of those timelines will just be like. the same as this one but samantha chose to put on her right sock first instead of her left sock or something. and physics still applies, right? so how does hogwarts exist? does hogwarts exist? if magic is real in a parallel universe, is it real here?

so basically to sum it up my main questions are:

how do we know shifting is possible for everyone?

is it safe? (mentally, physically etc)

is lucid dreaming necessary?

is there any proof or credible source that i can look to for more info?

and how does this tie into the multiverse theory

also if anyone has any information about scripting and like evrything about reality shifting that would be great

i wanna learn more but im afraid of finding misinformation

ty :3

[sereniv]

sometimes i miss being a kid or my teens but its only because of the brain i have now and the experience ive had. wanting to go back to a simpler time but also going back as my current self...just younger

i want to be a kid where everything is right. i dont remember like 99% of my childhood i have maybe enough memories to fit on 2 hands- but i want to go back to the concept of childhood

the concept of not having to do things not having to worry not feeling anxious or self concious

the ideal childhood

and teenage years, going back to do it right- for what i know now, applying that. but not as an adult.

its a lot of wishing i was who i am now, sooner

society makes me scared of getting older even though everything ive experienced is better the older i get

because of education and experience and just...time.

but society adds 10 to 20 years to your age when youre an adult. when youre 20 youre really 30 and since 30 is really 40, once you hit 20 youre practically in your 40s.

and youve just wasted so much time, or at least are made to believe that the time learning and exploeing and experiencing life was a waste of time

we arent born experienced and we cant beat ourselves up about that

for every age you grow older to kick yourself for not being your current self sooner? its just so terrible

because it makes me want to go back to being a kid, and afraid of getting older and dying

when i should simply love my past selves for getting me where i am, and being thankful for my currentself for getting where i will be in the coming years

and dying. i think of all the things i will miss when i die (hopefully well off in the future). what if i have a favorite tv show and i dont get to see the end?

i worry though i dont think ill mind it when im gone, so i really need to just focus on living

i look back to the past and see nothing but i see kids playing and not having a care and I want that

and maybe i can do that for myself in some way. by relearning how to be free from the binding things ive been taught

to enjoy something wholeheartedly without feeling embarassed. to draw for fun. to write for fun. focus on what is fun for me, what do i actually enjoy. and saying no to anything that i dont.

idk im tired of writing now. send post

[twopoppies]

Firstly No pressure to read any of the below it’s just a lil rant after I ended up on the wrong side of tumblr!! ( + I have ADHD and i forgot my meds lol so its a bit disoriented and all over the place) and no response necessary unless you want to!

Oh god I accidentally ended up on the wrong side of tumblr....never ever ever ever again, I went back so fastttt lol im laughing at myself rn for how quickly i clicked away from disgust

i ended up on a blog that stalks u and some other larries and says absolutely atrocious things abt louis (I can send u their @ if u'd like so u can block them) and fully bought the stunt bs happening rn and it was horrible obvs but like i just do not understand like it was so creepy gina and im just so disgusted bc why? yk?

like u were not joking abt anti's actually being obsessed with larries - like half this person's blog was talking abt you and amy and i was just so shocked cause why??? like mate come on what the actual f? get a life please?? (im quite new so im like just now realising how insanely weird and obsessed these anti's are)

Also it was just an overall eye opener for multiple things:

Starting with that 1. the way 1DHQ and 1D Management managed to alienate larries actually worked and i like knew but truly doing a proper deep dive and seeing multiple blogs hate on larries and like obsessively stalk us was insane?? Like they truly believe everything they’re being fed???

Side Note: Lowkey feeling very lucky to have had the education i have because even before i even joined this fandom i believed partially none of the relationships in the news bc like i knew abt this industry and how it worked yk? i mean its logic? i have so many mates that arent even in the fandom that know i am in the fandom and texted me when the articles started rolling out calling it out for what it was: A PR stunt

Hell someone i know whom i had never even talked abt fandom stuff/stunt stuff fully texted me making a joke out of it!!! like people who aren’t even in our fandom can see it and its just insanely surprising that if they can why cant the antis?? im just a bit shocked rn

both from 1. finding someone who actually believes in this stunt and 2. multiple blogs that fully commit their time to stalking u and other larries and once again i knew but fully seeing it

YK AT FIRST I WAS LIKE IS THIS A JOKE I DIDNT BELIEVE IT GINA I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS PULLING MY LEG OR THIS PERSON WAS IDK BEING SARCASTIC AND HAD A MESSED UP SENSE OF HUMOUR but ye anyway

It made me realise that 1DHQ knew what the fuck they were doing when they were trying to alienate larries from the rest of the fandom, once again i am feeling extraordinarily grateful to have grown up with an education where i was literally taught to never trust anything and to always think things thru using logic - “does it makes sense to you? if not find out why, there usually a reason behind everything” my yr 9 english teacher used to say smth like that all the time and it just never left me bc she was always teaching us to judge everything and to take every piece of news we read entertainment or otherwise with a grain of salt and to always if we’re gonna give someone else our opinion or spread this information do our research (its what i am when i say i feel lucky to have had the education i have had)

Eye Opener 2: Anti’s are fully standing y’all u were 100% correct this is some next level stan behaviour if i’ve ever seen some, you’re famous gina!!

It is while surprisingly to realise that anti’s fully believe these things, more surprising to see how they treat larries bc why on earth would u treat any other human being this way??? like dont get me wrong they’re horrible ppl and i fully felt like sending them a message telling them exactly that but i would never bc i just dont want to make another person feel bad abt themselves even if they are that shitty of a person and it was very tempting

I just would like to understand why they feel the need to do this? like why hate on a whole other person? for what believing smth diff to u? having a difference of opinion? how tf are they gonna make it when they get a job??? like??? do u know how often i run into a person with a different opinion then me? it shouldn’t be that big of a deal! we should still be able to be friends with antis! but we’re not - not for lack of trying btw!! they’re just so mean and rude??? when i was in other fandoms when someone believed different things there was never this much hatred at someone for it!! hell there was barely any bc it was understood that it was normal to have diff opinions abt things and i just am truly fascinated by these ppl i swear they remind how stupid the human race can sometimes be not for what they believe (altho ngl a lil of that too) but for how they treat other ACTUAL human beings with different opinions to them

Eye Opener 2.5: Some people need lives, man like they proper do need lives and something to do maybe a hobby or smth? just like a life they need to get one of those and actual live it

and Eye Opener 3: I already felt this way but like even god damn stronger now you deserve a formal apology from both 1DHQ and the universe

and until we get that u deserve amazing things coming from the boys on your bdays to make up for it

Lastly Gina I hope you didn't read thru all that bc I couldn’t even read it over and thus sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and I would also like to say that I love your blog and everything about you! you’re an absolute angel and one of the kindest ppl I have ever had the pleasure of well not meeting but stumbling across, you truly make this fandom a much much much better place with your presence (I shudder to think of it without u) that said if you ever need to take breaks or leave Im sure you already know but you should 100%

You first!!! Always! :)

Have a good day Gina, I hope its an absolutely amazing one!

Hi darling. LOL! Reading this was like talking with my kids when they don't take their ADHD meds. Lots of excited thoughts!! I loved it.

And yeah, that blog and their 4 followers are really... not well. But you're very right. 1DHQ made this fandom a breeding ground for people to hate larries and to think it's something Harry and Louis would both approve of. It's gross.

The gaslighting here is powerful, so thank goodness for fans like you who know to question what they're told and to look at things with logic and to do their best to see through their own biases.

Thank you for all the sweet words and your offer to kick butt (in your other message). I really appreciate it!

[dyketubbo]

when you get a chance, thoughts on seer of space tubbo?

(i am also open to maid of space tubbo, and many others, but i am currently seer leaning)

*wakes up* oh boy time to classpect! under the readmore because seers are interesting enough that i ended up going on a tangent

of course no argument about the aspect because hes 100% a space player, ive discussed heir before i believe, so seer analysis it is, because i havent thought about it before (seers slip my mind sometimes, i love them, my brain is just the equivalent of a ground with a bunch of banana peels and cant handle having more than 4 coherent thoughts at a time).

like said with knights, he doesnt exactly try to tell anyone what he wants to come off as, sure he wants to be intimidating enough that people leave him alone, but, well. he does fit the intimidating thing, its less a facade and more a warning, he doesnt want to hurt anyone, but he will should he deem it necessary (thankfully, tubbos kind enough that he deems it unecessary in most cases). hes a bit too likely to follow through, and its bred from feeling unsafe, rather than feeling insecure. c!tubbo knows he can do things, the cc is more likely to downplay what he does than the character is (not that c!tubbo doesnt, but he does still believe in his abilities, he just doesnt think hes important enough to emphasize his impact. difference between going "oh no it was all __" and going "oh no it wasnt just me" when theres something hes done most of the work on)

so, he almost fits knight, at least in abilities, after all knights are capable and they know theyre capable, and hes very good at the exploitation aspect, pushing limitations and using them for their benefits. i could see him as maybe a knight thats actually gotten past the insecurity and facades already, if we're to consider his spy history as him being pre-actualization. being a space player doesnt really change how solid knight arcs are, so the combination of knight and space doesnt make knight much more fitting for tubbo

similarly, he does fit a few aspects of being a seer (having similar struggles, talking a shitton sometimes, sitting back and observing the world around him when he finds it beneficial to do so, generally very smart especially within their group), but not so much others (seers are often overbearingly smug in a way tubbos a bit too humble for, learning through education rather than experience, having a habit of getting too focused on their goal, and theyre overall passive, being too active is actually how they get themselves into shit, while tubbo gets hurt when hes too passive). seers of space focus more on the present than the future or past, which almost fits tubbo.. if it werent for the fact that he doesnt focus on the future or past out of repression cknsks. not that he would much anyways, but the intentional focus on the present is out of stubborness and trauma rather an actual trait of staying in the present. notably, theres quite a few times where tubbo does think about the past and future, especially when he was younger, and he does try to work towards his ideal future, he just doesnt talk about it much.

funnily enough, because of where seer falls through, he ends up being closer to the mage struggle of, well, getting their asses kicked when theyre too passive because things work out best when theyre involving themselves. mages also have that posturing thing as well, though its connected to intelligence (desperately trying to come off as smarter because they believe theyre still too dumb and naïve, even though theyre actually doing fine), so again, not exactly tubbos kind of posturing. plus, hes pissy, but not pissy enough for a mage, as theyre more likely to get caught up in how fed up they are with everything, while tubbo gets caught up in how much he still cares no matter how much he seems like he doesnt. the space aspect adds that theres.. a shitton of shit happening to and around him, which does fit, at least, and mages of space usually suffer because of their passions, knowledge, and experience, as well as they're rather hands on. again, fits, but, well.

seers and mages are a bit too focused on knowledge for the kind of person tubbo is. hes smart for sure, has a lot of knowledge, and even when hes not a spy he does want to know things and looks for that knowledge, but while he fits the goals and positives of seers (and mages), he doesnt exactly fit their flaws or what happens when theyre unhealthy. not that he needs to show signs of being unhealthy, but even healthy players still show an ability to be the unhealthy versions of their classes. he doesnt get his ass kicked for being too active and tunnel visioned like seers do (and it can sometimes come from ego trips, which tubbos very unlikely to have, even if he fits the "my solution is the most correct here, so we have to follow it" part of it all) like seers, he doesnt have any moments of just refusing to learn and complaining about how everything sucks rather than doing anything about it (nor is he likely too) like mages. he does vaguely fit where the unhealthiness of a knight can come in, propping up a shield to a ridiculous extent and lashing out when their insecurites are picked at, but that feels a bit too reckless to be tubbo (though it does fit tommy).

overall, i can kind of see seer for a slightly different version of tubbo, but it feels too passive for tubbo, if that makes sense. he is passive at least, in terms of classes anyways (note- despite how some classpectors define it, passive doesnt really mean you serve others, its not an insult, it just means you weave your aspect through others, rather than yourself. its the difference between a prince destroying x/destroying through x and a bard allowing destruction of x/inviting destruction through x. still listen to passive classes, thats what seers fall into after all, and seers are very important). its just that tubbo usually gets hurt by being too passive rather than getting hurt by being too active (not that it couldnt happen, which is why i say it could still fit under other circumstances).

speaking of passive v active, if i had to pick a passive class i feel fits tubbo the most, probably heir. active wise, id say maid does actually fit rather well. i feel like ive talked about maid tubbo before but i might be remembering a different analysis so just in case ill generally say i feel he fits the arc of going from a "doormat" to taking their life for themselves. theyre stubborn, stressed out from listening to others, like banter, occassionally silly and can start arguing in circles due to the stubborness (think that one patrick id scene, but smarter). maids are also heavy repressers, they fear being seen as weak, and are unwilling to ask for help. they rely on their environment and hate it.

and, painfully enough, some classpectors state that when pushed into being unhealthy, maids explode. maids are already intimidating on their own, being powerful and smart enough to know what to do with that power, and when they get stressed out enough, they, well, explode. they hurt everyone in one big event (think aradias actions in make her pay). its not necessarily a reckless lashing out at everyone like knights, but a giant burnout that happens to effect everyone. tubbos not at a point where it seems likely for this to happen, but i wouldnt be too surprised if something like it did happen were things to get too be too much. he is the mf with nukes after all. healthy maids are independent, with maids of space specifically, well, making space for themselves and others (sound like a certain snow commune anyone), attempting to start new lives. an independent maid, allowed to be their own person without anyone stepping on them, is a healthy maid. unfortunate for tubbo that his life fucking sucks too hard for him to really get to this point KEKW

heirs fit a similar "followed others then became more independent" arc, mostly unaware that theyre being lead around but, if whats happening aligns with their own ideals, dont really care much that theyre being a follower when they are aware of such. heirs have an instinct to stick to comfort, rather than an instinct to be independent like maids. heirs still need to find their independence and autonomy, but need to do so because they can change things, theyre also very powerful when they play correctly. however, going against what they may feel is best and is more comfortable for them can be actively painful, early heirs often would rather be comfortable and happy even if things arent going well than take the difficult route, know that theyll suffer, and temporarily risk comfort and happiness in an attempt to reach an end they dont know will be there for sure. they can deal with suffering, but choosing to stay constantly aware of this suffering hurts and they struggle with dealing with the fact that they need to be aware to stop the suffering.

heirs change by picking up on subtle details naturally, subconsciously effecting those around them, making either themself or others interact with their aspect differently (or actively not think with their own aspect, in a positive way). heirs, when self aware, want to help. thats an important detail, and its why heirs are often protagonists, they dont have the ambition to do things that only benefit themselves when they realize theyre in a position of power. at their core, heirs usually want to make things better, but learning to move on and better themselves can hurt, and it takes a lot for heirs to to let it be apart of the process.

unhealthy heirs fade. they get so stressed out by getting hurt that they shrink back into themselves, they stick with what makes them comfortable and refuse to acknowledge that they and others are hurting, wrapped up in their more selfish instincts and becoming hard and stressful to deal with. "i want everything to be okay" becomes "i dont want to deal with the idea that nothings okay right now", soon getting to "im okay and you cant tell me otherwise, fuck you if you want to take this away from me, you cant stop me but i will stop you". of course, that last one can be useful if a heir were to use it to change things for the better, but the tunnel vision on "i want to be comfortable even if im making others uncomfortable" is, well. shitty. unhealthy heirs wont actively try to hurt anyone unless pushed, but they can they can still manage to through a lack of acknowledging that they have to help. and well, that sounds somewhat like tubbo, the hurting through a lack of helping, at the very least its present in things like him not visiting tommy during exile (partially because it was safer to just not challenge dream, partially out of guilt and belief that tommy hated him)

heirs of space specifically are about flitting from project to project, learning about what interests them, impatient when others dont share their excitement, and learning when to adapt and move on from things. generally, if i had to put a scale on it, id say tubbos most likely to be a heir, then a maid, then a seer. it all depends on what aspects of him you wanna focus on, really. seer tubbo is really interesting though! i think seers are more smug than he is though, not that he doesnt have his moments, but his tendency to believe hes right isnt all too prominent compared to other traits of his, and its less from a smug "i know whats right" and more just a firm "this isnt right, i have a better idea". he wants to do whats right, but if he feels like he doesnt know whats right, hes willing to rely on others, it just.. takes him a bit of pushing to admit such

[backseatloversz]

misc todd and cameron friendship headcanons :-)

feat. misc general todd and cam hcs

first here r a couple ive posted before but just. rly love

they bond over loving bugs and lil creatures. they luv slowing down their friends and family to point out a rabbit across the road or frog on the ground :)

they start playing cards together during study hall or lunch or just whenever theyre bored in senior year. charlie gave cameron a deck but he forgot everything, luckily jeffery taught todd card games on rainy days and he still remembered a few :-)

considering this is a Neil Lives And Everyones Happy au, the other poets or sometimes just other classmates r like what are u doing!! can i play with u!!! i would rather do anything than homework!!! to which they say yes ofc

they stay friends past high school and college cause neither leave the east coast (state?), going into writing (todd) and education (cameron or both), so they still meet up every once in a while to talk about whatever adults talk about :)

neil lives au they talk abt their respective love lives (feat. anderperry obviously and chameron maybe. feat. gay cameron for sure).

canon compliant and bisexual todd au he gets a longterm girlfriend a couple years into college, and talks to cameron about her a lot

todd never told charlie he was mlm but charlie still seems surprised when cam asks if he knows about drew and mentions shes a woman :')

todd and drew only last a few years but they dont end on bad terms, todd just decides romantic relationships arent for him. him and cam talk abt this extensively cause idk theyre best friends now. best friends talk to each other about stuff

through parts of college and early adulthood theyre roommates bc a) theyre friends and have been roommates before so they already know it'll work together and b) they work/study in the same area so its convenient :)

ok back to high school. back to the angst realm. cameron can hear/see todd fighting back tears one time (or maybe vice versa idk) and he just says youre gonna get a headache. from holding it all in, you know? says something about how even if you dont care about repressing ur emotions u should at least care about your short term physical wellbeing. and choking down sobs fucking physically hurts man! so blah blah blah they talk a while longer and then whenever one of them seems emotional but cagey the other will say smth about a headache; not necessarily cause a headache is always what they'll get, it sorta just becomes their words for "dude dont repress your emotions its not good for you"

for the chameron crowd this may or may not have been a tactic charlie used to use on cameron (but never on himself) and when he gets expelled cameron has VERY bittersweet feelings towards him. something something you talked to me about emotions and sexuality but the last time we spoke it ended in you punching me. um

another lil hc ive mentioned before; when charlie gets expelled, he writes to all his friends and all his friends write to him. except for cameron, both still have too many pent up negative emotions to even think abt talking to the other again yet. but charlie never says anything when todd mentions how cameron's been doing

oh btw. maybe i shouldve put this one at the start. i hope no one minds my hc posts are so messy lol. todd is the only/first one to extend an olive branch to cameron post-canon. maybe people expected him to be the last cause he was grew to be close with neil so fast, but like. at the end of the day, he knew all the poets the same amount of time. obviously not each of them as well but he didnt have a lot of history with cameron, good or bad, that'd back up a hatred over betrayal or whatever. he was the first one to nod when cameron tentatively came to sit with them during lunch or study hall or whatever. very "havent we all been through enough already" attitude that the rest of the poets quickly get, too

whats something nicer. i wanna end this on a lighter note. time jump back to post-college years roommates. one day todd is like so do you ever wanna find someone to settle down with? and cams like havent i already? and todds heart just. melts. its not in a romantic sense but like. hasnt that been their goal since high school? breaking tradition

[rickriordanfandam]

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear 

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were  thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing 

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes 

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below) 

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/ 

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture 

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry 

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong. 

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up.  the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more 

[needweaponneedhugto]

Im not going to be the party pooper here but guys can you please STOP stereotyping people based of what they look like or their sexuality or their star sign or gender even skin colour still. I'm not saying this happens on Tumblr but I know alot of people are on this app and awareness of this subject needs to be spread.

Society should have long since moved on from the 'girls like this and boys like that' okay? Im mad that this still exists! Why should there be toys, outfits and just things in general labeled with a gender. People like different things and each person is their own, not all boys will like the things assigned to their gender and that's okay vice versa. Stop teaching generations of children that certain have a certain gender. Although this is improving it is still being seen. For example places in toy stores labeled for certain genders or clothes labeled as a boys or lableled as a girls. Nothing needs a gender assigned to them it doesn't and shouldn't matter at all.

The people in the LBGT+ community aren't any different to straight people. Is that so hard to wrap thoughts around? It really shouldnt because guess what! They are just like everyone else! Why should it matter who others love? Why is it a problem when someone decides they want to change their gender or if they don't want one! They haven't done something wrong, if anything all they've done is be themselves, why is that a problem? Now why does a whole load of people think that in being gay means they are suddenly just like girls and like painting their nails and they have homophobic parents and going to be kicked out, although this does represent some gay men not everyone is like that. In being a Lesbian your suddenly a Tomboy and have a crush on your best friend? No! Not everyone is like that, you see one person like this and automatically their like this? Everyone is special and their sexuality is just another addition to that person it doesnt automatically change their personality and what they like to do.

Skin colour. Why does this matter? Black lives matter have been a massive movement in teaching idiots on how to be less inhuman and making sure the hate stops. However it can work in other ways as well. Do NOT look at a black person and immediately assume thibgs about them as well as white people to. Your skin colour doesnt matter! No should feel upset or pressured because of the skin they were born into. Black people are just as important as the white we do NOT discriminate against them. Parents and teachers siblings anyone, educate this generation and the next and for as long as you can live through that Black people do matter and racists are just being silly. Don't sugarcoat your skin colour. But Racism works in many different ways, do NOT automatically see a white and assume that they hate black people. Not everyone is a racist fool. Everyone matters no matter what skin colour they are! Society is working hard to make this even but you cant change what others think, the only way is to mould this generations children to think correctly to stand up for what they believe in amd understand that no one is more inprtant than someone else.

Before this ends Im coming back to gender because there is one situation that I do not see adressed very often. So we all know how girls are generally the subject of this form of discrimination but what about all of the boys. Everyone is so quick to defend the girls but when a boy has a problem we hardly ever notice it. Im especially annoyed about this. Why does no one realise that sometimes boys have to fight just as hard as girls do? When someone finds out a girl is in an abuse relationship then everyone is jumping to defend the girl because feminism but boys? I don't see people jumping to check boys aren't in a abusive relationship. Feminism isn't a bad thing, its making sure women have more freedom and a voice that wont be drowned out but there is still a long way to go before all genders are equal. Every time I hear someone teaching a girl they say 'Girls you are just as important as the men you can beat them in what you do! They wont steal your credit!' what we should be teaching is 'Everyone is equal and no one is more important than the other regardless of what gender you are!' Similarly girls in some countries still have a long way to go before they are equal with the men but I want to see that people arent teaching this onesidedly. I don't see a day to celebrate males. I see national women's day but why don't a see one for men. Feel free to correct me. Its good in fact its vital that people are letting girls rise up now giving them chances to walk their own path amd create the life they want to live instead of living the shadows of men but we need to be careful that we don't tread down the men's dream in order to let the women rise.

Remember this:

Women are NOT toys

Men are NOT wallets

Black people do NOT have less rights than the white.

White people are NOT all racist and have no respect for others

Gay people are NOT faggots or sinners

Straight people are NOT all homophobic idiots who don't support gay pride.

EVERYONE IS EQUAL!

thank you for reading.

[savnofilter]

answering all anonymous asks

i have a lot of mixed opinions and stuff so i just compiled them into one post. the public ones i will be posting separately, simply because i feel they are different. all responses are under the cut!

tw: mentions of pedophilia and gore.

i am and thank you!! i havent really eaten since tuesday but ive trying to keep my fluids up. i hope you are doing okay as well, anon!

~ i learned about puberty when i was 6 only because my sisters had already learnt it (ages 8). the educational sites used were always catered to helping the youth learn about periods, puberty, and everything that comes along with it. once i was at age 8, i also had access to the sites as well.

~ the idea of sex was brought around to me around 8. at 9 i had an experience but i will not get into it since it’s still slightly traumatic for me. other than having a negative experience with it, i yet again already had an understanding because of my older sister’s and i’s class experiences to have a grasp of it.

i would also like to add that my parent were never prudes. bringing up this point, disclaimer that they havent done anything weird to me or my sister. once i was 11 (in 6th grade), i was learning about sex and reproduction. my mother has always told me if i had any questions about that type of stuff, that i should never be afraid to ask. 

if she felt anything was too explicit she would tell me that i didnt have to learn about that right now and that when i am older she would be receptive responding. i honestly think the hate stems from the fact that they dont get dicked down well enough from their own bfs that they have to write the pent up frustration on minor characters.

i mean with the cult running around, yes it is. if you are not in a close circle or have an established following, you will have a much harder time getting your stuff out there. its not impossible but it is much definitely more difficult to start up. 

if you need help with getting your work out there i am more than welcome in trying to help you out tho!

THANK. YOU. someone had to fucking say it, couldnt be me since they refuse to listen to me. do you know how predatory in itself trying to control what minors of the same age doing together???? the only time i can see minors getting “arrested” unless it was public indecency. also why are you an adult knowing about 14 y.os getting arrested for sexual intercourse? 🤡

it definitely is safe. the people most active are teenagers so do not feel afraid. if there are any concerns please come to me since i am the original and head of the server.

!!! exactly. her sorry ass callout post about my age and followers LOL. “sorry i have more notes than you” i- i had to laugh. i think its so funny because if this was about followers i wouldve done this earlier, not when i hit 5,000 followers. 

^ this. all it took was a gabby hannah callout post about my age cnckjsvd couldnt be me. these people preach about keeping kids safe, the kids of the fandom speak up about an abuse and toxicity problem and suddenly we’re ruining the fandom? pick one or the other pls. 🤡

i just honestly find it concerning that theyre thirsting over a character thats um.... HALF YOUR AGE. fake or not its weird asf. its really not your place to say people shouldnt be uncomfortable because you write them “aged 18+” and the most you age them up to is 18 and still write them in U.A. i dont really understand why its such a hard concept to understand.

i just think its concerning that the same people who think i have no sexual awareness have no problem writing characters my age and the only version that theyre aged up is in their fics.

theres something wrong in this equation here.... 😗

lmao these adults have no problem giving people trauma. and yes, yes, and yes. we arent saying that there is a problem aging them up, its how you do it. its really the fact that theyre aging them up and having them at the dorms and aizawa is still somehow, their homeroom teacher? please make it make sense.

if youre especially going to age up someone and youre about 22+, your excuse is that, “their fake so it shouldnt be a problem” is predatory in all the wrong kind of ways. 

^ they hate to see it. but once again they did make this an age thing,,, obviously they only learned about sex when they hit 18, and i have hacked the system and infiltrated adult territory. 🤡

right. people are like 16 y.os cant have sex -- no its in place so adults like you dont think you can fuck them any younger. thats all i have to say. but no, im fifteen, i dont have a brain or any sense of the world. no h*rny card for me.

💀 imagine being old enough to understand that stuff can be triggering and no human should even be saying that... getting those shane dawson gore fantasies here.

“no one is mad at you for writing smut. adults are mad because youre writing smut”

your adults arent mentally sound and this is why im making this post. ❤️

lmao i am okay!! ive been having phantom nerve pain where my knuckles are because of that ask though and i had a gore dream. : ) i spoke clearly and properly, when i took them as a joke (yknow being the clowns that they are), they got mad! 1/10, would not recommend a conversation! apparently shes more mature about me but her last post was about riding a teenager’s forehead cnjk vdfd COULD NOT BE ME. she choose to ignore all the other claims and it shows~ 🍵

i dont really mind, ive been wanting to talk about my age on this blog for a really long time since last but sometimes things come sooner than later. even if you dont support my work, i still thank you for supporting me as a person!

RIGHT?! im just really concerned that there are adults who understand that there are moral issues here and some dont. this is why im making a post on a select few and not the whole adult community. thank you for coming to my TED talk. 

LMFAO but they dont see it?! 😂 i think me writing about characters my own age is much better than someone who has 10+ years, or better yet, MORE THAN HALF THEIR AGE writing about them. you had your hormones suppressed, doesnt mean mine should as well. 💓

personally, if i was an adult and i made a callout post on someone’s age, i would put a disclaimer to not bully the minors in question,,, just putting out there. your mature and respectful queen is doing magic. 🥰

^ and let me make it clear, after the point of time i realized that following was 18+ blogs was bad, i stopped following them. and even now im sifting through and unfollowing all of them. yes, i do have a brain at fifteen and can think. i know its a foreign concept for some people. 😳

no no no, its okay! i lied about being an adult so this all my fault. :D just think its concerning someone so easily can say one thing and everyone can follow. real cult behaviour and shes the leader. been thinking about making a mean girls poster and sticking her pfp on regina, but even regina had redemption and realized she had work to do. : ) 

lmao these people have said, “i started reading/writing smut when i was 11-13 but i realized how wrong it was and stopped” so how does it differ from me? you dont magically get good at 18. dont be a hypocrite.

even adults themselves are afraid to speak up. all it took was a shitty post for them to ignore the whole story. these people ignore all the abuse, therapy, toxicity, pedophilia (umbrella term) and everything else that she and her friends are being brought to light about. it shows how much of a blind eye that people have.

this is not a tati situation, i will not go back on my words.

this is understandable. this is even past the age, and this me repeating myself once again. i wasnt even the one who said i was groomed i- its people who were in your, space. think about that.

it really is. and what makes it more concerning that the same people who preach this will talk about how they want to, “beat us the fuck up” or rip our fingers for showing out concern for the vagueness of aged up in fics sometimes.

i even stated that its not everyone who does this but no one will listen.

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[dangan-happy]

pass word: An octagon is a shape with eight sides, right?

TW s##dal thoughts

For Rantaro, Maki or Shuichi

Honestly. I have no clue what I am doing w my life. I get so defensive and scared whenever I see a SLIVER of somebody who doesn’t love me as much as they used to anymore.. I get so worked up for nothing..

It’s unbearable and I just want to die.. this hurts. Like. Why continue to live yknow??? People can be such hypocritics. Some say they can help me but don’t say anything as soon as I tell them the full story. Some just suggested that I should just die..

It hurts. All of this hurts. It’s so stupid of me.. this is so stupid. I let everything get to me.. I jsut want to forget everything and sleep..

I want to realse the pain and jus go away.. idc ab getting better or worse.. I jsut want to sleep.. this is hopeless. I’m always gonna be alone arent I? It’s always the same anyways.. the same thing over and over again no matter what I do.. and I jsut want this to end already.. I want this to go away already... idc ab anybody abymore..

Sure I have lots of friends but none of them talk to me or engage. They only text me when they think I’m dead. None of them like to contact me or anything.. and I try to contact them but.. nothing.

I don’t have anybody that I can’t call a friend or just somebody I can go to in general. I’m so alone.. and it hurts. All people want is to feel better ab themselves.. so they try to help me.. and leave. They don’t actually care ab getting to know me or anything.. it’s all the same..

Hey there anon, I'm sorry about the late response. First of all, lemme just say that I don't think anyone's sure what they're doing with their life. I sure don't, and it's ok to not know what direction you're going in. Yeah, it's understandable that you react like that too. I think a big thing for you is to try to not jump to conclusions. I think a lot of those feelings could possibly be avoided if you tried taking a step back to think things through instead of instantly assuming the worst case scenario is going on. Additionally, it's always a possibility that extreme reactions could push someone away. It's good you have some awareness surrounding this, you're a smart person, and you're right, you don't need to get so worked up over nothing.

I don't have an easy fix for you unfortunately, I think that practice is a thing that'll help, and yeah, it might take a while, but I think you can get a handle on it. Yeah, I know that pain, and even though I had it for different reasons, I know how it feels, and I'm so sorry that you're feeling that. Honestly, people can really suck. Sometimes there's no point in being optimistic, a lot of people just really suck. However, I think that there are always some people out there who can make it all worth it, you know? You gotta find the right people who will support you, I promise they're out there. I'm sorry that you're not currently getting any support from people once you tell them the whole story. Honestly, some people just aren't equipped to handle that stuff, and while that can hurt, it's understandable when you think about it. Sometimes some issues are better handled with a professional, that can be a lot safer for both you and your friend.

Ok, who in the hell told you you're better off dead? That sure as hell isn't a friend, and you should cut that person out of your life ASAP. You don't deserve that kind of toxicity in your life. Hey, it's not stupid. You have a whole lot of emotions, and they're pressing on you. There's no point in comparing your pain to someone else's and saying that it's stupid compared to that. The point is you're hurting, and that's not stupid at all. Aw man anon, I'm so so sorry you've gotten to this point. I know, it feels so hopeless, it feels like there's nothing for you to cling onto or depend on. I won't lie, you're in a real bad place, and I think it's really important that you reach out and try to get some professional help as soon as you can. This thing isn't something that one or two people can solve on their own, it takes someone who's educated in handling these kinds of things. I won't pretend to understand why your friends are doing the things they do. Maybe they don't see anything wrong with their actions, but it's hurting you, and again that's the most important point.

Yeah, you could be right about people just wanting to make themselves feel better about themselves. I one hundred percent believe that those kinds of people are out there, and it sounds like you might be surrounded by a whole lot of them. I think you're just stuck in a loop right now, a loop that's really dangerous to your well being. I'm sure you've gotten this answer before, but the answer isn't to end everything. Yeah, things are real bad right now, but that doesn't mean you can't get somewhere in the future. You could potentially make new friends and end up in a place in life where you're less alone. I know, it seems next to impossible right now, and that's why I really think that you should try talking to a professional. I can tell you have at least one person who really does care about you genuinely getting better, and getting to know you, and that's me. I spent a real long time on this ask because I wanted to put as much thought into it as possible. I really understand where you are, and while I can't prove to you or convince you that it can get better, I can try to nudge you in the right direction. I know I can't make you believe me about my intentions either, but I will say I joined this blog because I genuinely wanted to try and provide help to people who needed it. I don't do it to make myself feel good, honestly I don't think I really help at all, but I at least wanna be someone who can be there if needed. I won't be going anywhere, so if you want to send in more asks, or just vent or say anything, I'll be here if you need me to. I know it's kind of different since this is a blog and all, but if you don't have anyone else to go to, you can come here. In the mean time, please please try to  get in contact with a professional, that's the one person who I can think of who can genuinely help you the most. I really wish I could do more for you, but I don't have that kind of professional training, so the most I can do is be someone to listen to or a shoulder to cry on. You don't have to succeed, just give it an honest try and see how far you get. This has turned into a full on ramble, and I don't think I have anything else to say that I haven't already. Just do the best you can, try to talk to a professional, and come back again if you need to, ok?

[the-fiction-witch]

30 Days: Otis Milburn

TV SHOW: SEX EDUCATION COUPLE: OTIS X READER RATNG: FLIRTY + SMUTISH

I smiled as I rushed down the little paths and roads on my little bike trying to go fast so I have a little more time before class today till I spotted the little red bike  was looking for so I pulled up beside it and gave her pretty face a little kiss "Morning Y/n" I smiled

"Morning Otis" she giggled giving me a kiss too before we hurried off to class parking out bikes up next to each other

"Ohh please don't tell me you two are going to be stood making out for half-hour?" Eric asks as he put his bike in too

"We might" I smirked holding her hand

"No we won't eric, I need a word with otis Before Class" she smirked

"Ohhh?" I smirked a little overexcited already

"Ahhh Otis and Y/n are going to bang in the bathrooms" He smirked walking off to his locker I blushed a little as of course, everyone was now looking at us she smiled and tugged my hand along with her to the abandoned bathrooms

"soooo Sugar...." I smirked pulling her close

"No otis,  do actually need to talk to you about something" she explained slightly pushing me away

"Ohh what's up?" I asked a little worried

"I'm going away"

"Away where?"

"Just France, I go on Thursday" she explained

"Isn't this all a bit... sudden?"

"It's my family have all set it up they only just told me"

"Well... It's okay, I'll miss you" I told her giving her a cuddle "It's okay it's just a week apart I'm sure we will be fine," I said giving her some kisses

"Awww I'll miss you too otis" she smiled "But... We uhh We will be apart for a month"

"A Month?" I asked and she nods "Y/n! thats an awfully long time"

"I know otis" she sighed

"Well it's okay, I'm sure we will be okay," I told her "We can call and everything"

"Of course we can Otis" she smiled "But I have a little challenge for you"

"Ohh? a Challenge?" I asked

"Yeah because I'm with my family, and I will be sharing rooms and all... I won't be doing anything, fun" she smirked

"Ohh? Well, of course, I won't have any fun either as your away in France" I laughed

"But I won't even be able to have fun on my own" she whines "and its hardly fair you'll get too if I don't"

"You won't... so I can't jerk off while you're gone?"

"Yep" she giggled

"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked her

"Please Otis?" she begs

"I feel bad for you sugar I do But... why do I have to be touched because you can't do anything?"

"Please Otis, it's not fair if you do while I can't"

"well, maybe we should make a little bet?" I smirked

"Ohh?" she asked

"If I cave and jerk off then I promise I will not as for a blow job for.... three weeks?" I suggest

"Six weeks" she offers

"okay" I sighed but nodded "and if I do it... can you uhh.... uhhh"

"I'll wear the nurse outfit whenever you like otis" she offers

"Really?" I asked "Okay sugar" I smiled giving her a kiss "so... How about a little sugar before you go away?"

"Well Okay" she giggled pulling me to kiss her but the bell for class went "Ohh see you later," she says giving me a kiss and running off to class.

"Ummm have a nice trip sugar, Please call me when you get settled," I told her as I cuddled her tightly infront of her house

"Of course I will otis" she smiled "Remember our deal?"

"Of course I remember sugar" I smiled "No jerking off till your home else No blow jobs for six weeks"

"And If You do I'll Be Nurse Y/n for you any time you want otis" she smiled

"Okay" I smiled giving her more kisses "I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you too otis" she smiled "I'll see you when I'm home"

"Okay, see you in a month" I smiled

I sighed sitting on my bed looking through my phone at the pictures of me and y/n together I already miss her so much I accidentally swiped too far on the pictures and went from one of us on the beach together me in my shorts and Y/n in my shirt, to one I took of just her half getting hit by the sea in her little blue bikini "Ohh fuck" I smirked biting on my mouth looking at her I miss her so much I haven't seen her in so long and just a glimpse of her in her bikini was enough to make me hard as fuck I did my best to ignore it had to physically stop myself from touching going for a shower and pretty much having to hold the showerhead and nothing else to stop myself jerking off...  

"I think I'm losing it eric" I sighed as I sat at the table

"Its been two weeks man" eric laughed

"I just miss her" I complain

"You could just jerk off, she's in France she's not going to know"

"No, it's not fair,"

"She is probably jerking off and not telling you"

"I trust her," I told him

"What are you getting if you don't cave?"

"None of your business," I told him

"Come on" He smirked sipping his drink

"I get her to dress up as a nurse for me whenever I want"

He then spits all the drink he had in his mouth across the table

"You what!" he yelled

"Okay... she has this little nurse dress from Halloween a few years ago and she looks so nice in it so she wears it sometimes when we are fooling around" I smirked "Or well... she does if I beg"

"so you're going to win the right to do it whenever you want?"

"Yep" I smiled

I smiled as I got my laptop and waited around for the little pop-up and as soon as It did I answered

"Hi Otis" she smiled

"Ohh hello sugar, I've missed you so much," I told her

"It's only been three weeks otis" she laughs

"I know, I just... I can't help it when your so far away sugar"

"Aww I've missed you too"

we sat chatting for hours about everything thats been going on while we have been apart

"Ohh I didn't send you the picture of the dress I got?" she asked

"Oh? No, you haven't sugar" she smiled

"One minute" she smiled blowing me a kiss and going off to do something else I couldn't help but I could see her slipping off her dress I didn't know how not to look as I haven't seen her in so long and especially not seen her in this way for what felt like forever I was making to bite on my wrists to stop myself as she came back showing off her Little purple dress

"You uhhhh you look beautiful sugar," I told her

"You okay otis?" she asked

"Fine" I smiled

I was in agony as I biked over to her house to wait for her sitting on her stone fence waiting and waiting till her car came back it pulled up and almost instantly y/n jumped out the car and hugged me I felt every inch of her against me "Ohhh otis? you are happy to see me arent you" she giggled

"yeah..." I said

"You okay otis?" she asks

"On my bike now" I order kissing her "My place, nurse outfit... before I fuck you infront of your parents"

[allbeendonebefore]

Any headcanons for Oliver? I read the list of headcanons for some of the other provinces that you did and I’m very curious.

oh boy those were ages ago i’ll dig up a few so i can remember the vibe of the things i wrote

for those of you just joining us, my past headcanon posts

BC | AB | SK | MB 1 + 2 | NB

while other provinces are torn between living in one city or another or out in the middle of nowhere, oliver doesn’t have that issue. he lives in toronto and holidays in one of an entire network of cottages across the province and does not feel conflicted about that in the least. and he doesnt live “in toronto” in the gta, he lives IN toronto in some old annex style house and good luck getting rid of him.

he LOVES living alone, he relishes his independence, he does NOT miss being trapped living with jean NOT ONE BIT!! he does NOT create fake arguments over what should go over the mantle or what to make for dinner with the chattery squirrel outside because he’s LONELY.

Self indulgent headcanon but since he understands how difficult it is to live in the city and how valuable a good education is, he will occasionally rent out the basement to a quiet and tidy university student or two. He has a soft spot for kids who are trying to find their feet and figure out who they are away from their parents (as long as they do their chores).

Despite his downtown living and his urban elite image, he has experience working in factories and on farms and that tends to catch people off guard. He knows his way around milking a cow and he loves to tinker with machinery, getting his hands dirty doesn’t bother him even though he does love to mope and solicit pity. 

he just cannot physically help being overdramatic and bitchy, it’s just the tough outer layer he developed trying to survive american assimilation (and jean’s cutting words lol). he thinks his sarcasm is among his most endearing quality, since the people who Get It always laugh.

OF COURSE THERE ARE GRADES OF MAPLE SYRUP ??? why Wouldnt there be

he thinks his most relatable story is tfw you cut the bag of milk too open and it sloshes everywhere and doesn’t get the mixed reception at parties

It’s not that he doesn’t drink or that he’s against drinking, per se, at least, not anymore. He just likes being the designated driver because he likes the moral high ground, not because he’s secretly a mother hen who wants everyone to get home safe. 

he grew up in the southern... peninsula (you know that... sorry i get so confused about whats north and west in ontario.)Anyway it’s not that he doesn’t Also represent Northern Ontario, it’s just sometimes hard to pry him out of his original comfort zone and he sometimes gets stuck in his own head in the south. 

it’s not like mani would know what to do with all that space up there anyway, it’s just best that he takes care of it, it’s always best that he be left to manage things, he’s just more organized, he’s the brains, he’s the one with the vision, no he does not accept constructive criticism, what kind of leader would he be if he was openly questioned... that’s not how he was raised at all. imagine, entertaining other people’s ideas. 

Ollie likes to think he’s the rational one but pretty much every move he made in his early days was out of fear and anxiety; he can sometimes be overly cautious and people who just go out and do things just baffle him. 

He’s really open with his feelings (particularly when it involves complaining, which he loves) but he’s horrible at delegating tasks or asking for help. He also gets easily frustrated when people have given up on helping him without him having to ask, but he still insists on trying to do everything himself.

is it weird i cannot fathom him in anything but an mlm relationship lol

He won’t forgive rude behaviour, even if he appears like a doormat to an American. He remembers when he’s been rude to and compensates by being overly polite. The only person who’s immune to this seems to be Jean, who always seems to be getting away with being rude...

that said he drops way more f-bombs than most of the others and americans always either think it’s either adorable (and make fun of his perceived accent) or are SO SHOCKED that their INNOCENT BABY FRIEND would have such LANGUAGE!

has such. a weird. distorted. romantic idea of what road trips are. i dont know if he knows how to travel in places where rest stops arent cleaned every couple hours or if he’s ever had to pee in the bush or stay in a place without electricity in the time that he’s owned a car. 

he’s always been a huge natural history nerd, he loves spending time in natural history exhibits and geeking out over weird birds and fish and minerals. 

shakespeare in the park anyone?! shakespeare in the living room??? shakespeare over zoom conference? reciting shakespeare while outside oil painting the fall colours?! DID SOMEONE MENTION SHAKESPEARE.

he also loves sailing and swimming and he’s got a weirdly extensive canoe collection squirreled away somewhere. 

had a LOT of pressure on him as a kid to be the Good and Perfect child, not like those nasty yankees. He’s not very good at acting out and being rebellious, but he will absolutely stand his ground on an issue that’s dear to him, particularly if his control over something is threatened. 

anywhere you can’t take a train to is fake adn should not have been counted

he’s still an avid tea drinker and has lots of opinions about tea time and has been making the same recipes for literally 200 years (jean puts up with this because he cannot be assed to make his own little fine cakes, ok, and if ollie has extra for him to take home its to his advantage. if oliver makes extra specifically because he knows jean likes them, that’s for him to know. and same with homemade fudge and butter tarts and candy and ice cream, neither of them outgrew their sweet tooth) 

also he’s somewhat motivated by jean’s blunt reactions to his baking because thats how he’s going to survive the blue ribbon baking and jam making events against those tough and bitter old ladies, jean is perfect practice (although some of his best and most nuanced insults don’t translate very well)

his french is not bad nor is he embarrassed of it, he’s annoying in both official languages.

he gets mad when you say he’s practically interchangeable with matt but he still seems to think the things he does are things that all canadians do or like or have, i mean, why wouldn’t they? but they still owe him for that.

he compensates for his relative lack of interest or seeming inability to ask the others how they’re doing (because thats rude! and prying! and he’s sure they’re just fine! he doesn’t meddle anymore because people get upset when he rearranges their pantries) with an almost weird obsession with his self image and what’s happening internationally

[storywriting]

[ Bc yall have foolishly greenlit my Nirvash Headcanon production, here is a general discussion of who I think Nirvash is and I’ll thank you to give me excuses to be more specific. ]

First things first. The Nirvash is the first creature Eureka ever had a conversation with or considered her friend. While Eureka had to learn to speak to people, the ability to communicate with her own kind is one of the few things she was born knowing, so she took to Nirvash right away. The Nirvash is unfortunately one of the main factors that ended up landing her as an emotionally stunted military dog instead of having a normal life where she is nurtured and fully educated by humans. I honestly think if the folks in the lab hadn’t realized her piloting potential, Eureka would have been raised as a completely different person. Since science had never been able to crack the Nirvash typeZERO, she was very valuable to have. They didn’t waste their budget on anything else once they knew that.

I also think the Nirvash had never been called Nirvash by people prior to the discovery of Eureka. Nirvash was exclusively called the typeZERO until Eureka was able to communicate enough to tell humans the name.

Vaguely related, Eureka’s name is also not human given because she is named after an event experienced by the scub coral and it doesn’t make sense to me that humans in 11005 or whatever would think to name her after something that happened in like 2005.  Eureka’s name comes from the very first time Scub Coral entered Earth’s atmosphere, where it crashed into a satellite and was forced to make a home in the Earth’s oceans. Based on what Sakuya says, it’s likely that the whole of the coralian system became aware when it was decided Eureka would be born. Nirvash likely told Eureka her own name if she didn’t already know it herself.

Archetypes are sexless, so as one might expect, Nirvash doesn’t have a particular concept or interest in gender identity. Eureka calls Nirvash “he” in the original series dub and “she” in all future adaptations. I suspect that using “he” might have originally been a mistake by the localization team since Nirvash isn’t voiced until the very end and the Japanese language doesn't really ever require a speaker to designate a gendered pronoun. Whether it was a mistake or on purpose, I tend to explain this by just saying that Eureka copied the words other people used whenever she would personify the Nirvash to them. That would be in line with her character.

Eureka also speaks about Nirvash like a child quite often even though Nirvash is most certainly an older life form than she is. I suspect this is to do with a difference in experience and the higher barriers of understanding for a creature like Nirvash. Put simply, Nirvash is a less developed creature than Eureka is.

In the AU movie archetypes arent the same type of creature as in the main series--they were made or evolved differently.  In the film, the Larval Nirvash is somewhat intelligent. Larval Nirvash pays attention to people and tries to participate in conversations despite being unable speak. 10/10 very tiny and cute and runs around, always doing their best.

I honestly believe that main series Nirvash has a similar temperament and level of intelligence to this AU iteration.  Also, the way Eureka speaks about Nirvash, like a child, in my mind supports the idea that the Nirvash is capable only of very simple thoughts and ideas early on. Nirvash isn't enlightened, per se. At least not at the beginning. Nirvash is a failed attempt at making a person. It makes sense that Nirvash would be less advanced.  If we could hear Nirvash's early conversations with Eureka, I suspect Nirvash's interests and concerns would sound pretty simplistic. I hesitate to compare Nirvash to any stage of human development tbh, mostly because it seems like Nirvash is very intelligent about certain things (like in battle, Nirvash makes very strategic choices), but probably couldn't even match a toddler on other things. Emotional intelligence, for example, is probably something that takes a while for Nirvash to pick up even the tiniest shred of.  Still, Nirvash's wants and feelings do seem to become slightly less simplistic over time. Still simple compared to a person, but the feedback Eureka gives originally is like "nirvash is happy" and by the end it's more like "nirvash feels x complex way because of what they did when x happened and how it turned out". Put simply, Nirvash knows what Nirvash knows, but not much else. Nirvash is maybe like Eureka in that regard. They're in their own weird stage of development where some of their stats are maxed and some of them are like...what are you even doing.  I also pretty strongly headcanon that, like Eureka, Nirvash's understanding of the world and of humans is growing as the series progresses, which I think is fairly substantiated but rarely addressed directly.

As the audience we don't get to see the way Nirvash communicates very often, especially not in any direct easy-to-be-understood-by-people fashion. If you want to learn anything about Nirvash as a viewer you have to speculate based on the few times Nirvash displays some will of her own, or go by the very little information Eureka gives about what Nirvash is thinking. Eureka is somewhat private about her relationship with Nirvash at times, which I find interesting, but that’s a topic for another post.

I pretty strongly headcanon that Nirvash sort of dislikes people, or at the very least, mistrusts the ones she doesn’t know.  I believe this because Nirvash outright refuses to be piloted, even by people with compac drives.  Compac drives are the "keys" humans use to communicate with LFOs, but LFOs cant really communicate back. We know that Nirvash for whatever reason really didnt want to be piloted, but then Nirvash met Eureka and felt willing to activate for her because they could converse and agree on things. No compac drive required for that.  Nirvash will fly for Eureka because they can have a relationship that is a two way street.  It doesn’t require the kind of faith Nirvash would need to let a human do whatever they wanted.

I suspect when Eureka is piloting there is a lot of give and take. They're discussing what they should do.  They compromise on a course of action by combining their understanding.  The trouble any time there is something going on between the Nirvash and Eureka is that it's not a conversation the audience gets to hear. We just have to watch and do our best to interpret

I think that over time Nirvash comes to appreciate and even like some humans and seeks methods of communication with ones she vibes with.  Ultimately the Nirvash does become more able to understand and commune with people because Eureka acts as a cultural bridge between them.   I really like the idea that Nirvash becomes interested in communicating with humans in the limited ways available to her, but only after spending a lot of time with Eureka and taking a shine to Renton. I also know the show gives Nirvash a clear human sounding voice that makes understandable words but I honestly hc that Nirvash sounds more abstract than that in most situation. Like idk, machine noises, Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites™ or something like that.  I think if a human was able to hear Nirvash in any passive sort of way, it probably wouldn’t really sound like language. Eureka can always understand Nirvash but if you're Renton or maybe Ao just hanging around and are somehow catching bits and pieces of that consciousness floating in the air it's gonna feel weird and garbled in your brain unless you're able to make that more direct connection with the Nirvash somehow. It's just not natural to humans, it's not their first language.

On the subject of Nirvash getting on with humans, there is eventually a situation where Renton has to pilot the Nirvash himself. This is on the tail end of Eureka being really down and not really explaining why.  Sometimes when she touches the Nirvash she starts to bleed and it becomes clear that The Girls Are Fighting™️. When Eureka sees Renton piloting she is taken aback by the fact that Nirvash would allow somebody other than her to pilot alone. Also, she comments on how that's 'not Nirvash's style'. It's left ambiguous what exactly her meaning is there, but she becomes pretty upset. There are a few ways I've interpreted it, though it's hard to pin down exactly. One possibility is that she’s upset because Renton and Nirvash Did A Violence. Alternatively it could be because the fighting Eureka saw from them was obviously more of Renton's own will than the give and take she prefers with the Nirvash. Another option is that Renton is not imposing his will, but rather bringing out something in Nirvash Eureka doesn't recognize and isn't comfortable with being a stranger to. Eureka is at this point very stressed that the Nirvash wont talk to her. She seems to go from very excited that Renton makes the Nirvash happy to very distressed that Renton is changing her relationship with the Nirvash. Nirvash is probably one of the only relationships Eureka has where she is comfortable and feels she is on the same page nearly all the time, so it's jarring for that to be challenged or changed. 

A lot of the conflict with nirvash is never clarified in stone, but we know for sure that Renton causes Eureka to change and that's a big deal for everybody involved. Nirvash and Eureka don't really know change before this.  In terms of Nirvash’s opinion, we know mostly about the parts Eureka reacts to, but if you think about it we dont really find out why Nirvash likes Renton in the first place or what initially caused Nirvash to becomes less open with Eureka. It's hard to place exactly what the conflict is. Just that it involves Renton and it involves this change. Despite Eureka being the best creature humanty has for communicating with Archetypes there are still certain barriers between them. They are the same creature, but theyre vastly different versions of the same creature with vastly different capabilities and experiences. Nirvash and Eureka will inevitably end up in situations where they don’t see eye to eye if for no other reason than their mental and sensory experience is vastly different from one another. I suspect that Nirvash is at times jealous of Eureka going off and having experiences and relationships with others, in the same way Eureka gets jealous when Nirvash seems to prefer Renton over her.

That all said, I do think Nirvash does have some sense of right and wrong even without Eureka’s guidance, but Eureka shows evidence of chiding or suggesting morality to the Nirvash throughout. Things like compassion and a moral compass seem to be way more pronounced for Nirvash later on in the series, after like 40 episodes of bonding and getting into and out of trouble together.  Again, we can’t know all the details because the audience doesn’t get any unfiltered version of Nirvash’s perspective, but we know for sure that Eureka (and eventually Renton) is very very important to her even when the they are in conflict. In turn, Eureka regularly demonstrates that she trusts Nirvash implicitly and seems to respect Nirvash's judgement in many kinds of situations. The Nirvash is a member of the family through and through. She’s always down to help the cause, and she appreciates the great privilege involved in having a front row seat to Eureka’s experience. The Nivash has had an unprecedented opportunity to become enlightened about other creatures in ways the rest of the Scub Coral could not. In another life Nirvash could have had any number of destinies, possibly even safer ones with less strife and less change. She was never essential to the plan of putting yet another humanoid coralian into the world and could have moved for anybody else and had a completely different life. Maybe in times of conflict Nirvash thinks about that, but if there’s one thing that’s canon as hell I know that Nirvash would never trade away being loved by the Storywriter.

We stan a queen.

[honeyfreckled]

we have talked a few times and im sorry for this but you are the most accepting and easiest person to talk to honestly i dont have many people in my life i can tell anything real to. but the thing is ive been thinging about relapsing a lot more since i broke up with my boyfriend and i work with him so it makes work depressing and impossible to get through a day without crying sorry this is anon but i am scared ily dont hate me i am not trying to stress you out

ok wow first lemme just say: I DO NOT HATE U. EVER. 

and don’t be srry i don’t have a lotta ppl irl i can tell my shit to so i get it. pls know u can always ALWAYS ALWAYS come to me, and u dont gotta be scared to come off anon. i get it and it’s ok if u prefer it that way- but pls know i dont keep it on alot bc i get hate and then i turn it off bc i gotta look out for myself and dont post all the hate bc i dont wanna bring yall down or give them the satisfaction of knowing i have given it a read and response. so u can message me or make a sideblog or idk im just saying this so if it’s off later u dont blame yrself or feel scared to come off anon. ok sorelapse is a real thing and it’s fucked and hard and addiction is fucked up and a real life struggle and we dont treat addicts w the real tenderness, respect, kindness, and acceptance they deserve. but u DO deserve it. and there are hotlines, apps, churches, groups, chatrooms/boards, and sites that are more versed in what are the appropriate things to say to u- i say this bc while i’ve been thru it w loved ones i have not myself struggled w addiction w substances. my addictions were to self harm and victimhood so those are the things i searched for help on. but if it’s alright i’d like to give u some tips or things i used and have heard work for addicts of substances

places like i said like churches, groups, chatrooms, sites, apps, hotlines the apps and hotlines are good if u cant travel or want to talk to ppl who wont share their story bc maybe u cant hear it like its not the kinda help ur looking for. hotlines are sometimes tricky bc some of those folks are not educated they are volunteers so judgment leaks thru and in that case u ask to be redirected and report that volunteer so hopefully they dont repeat that kinda mess to other vulnerable folks looking for help

make a list of things, anything. list of foods u like to order, list of things that make u clench yr teeth, what were yr fave gifts you’ve ever got, style icons of urs, hobbies u tried that annoyed u, movies u can always watch, places on yr skin u hate being touched, any list of anything it doesnt have to be the usual thing of “what to live for” bc when yr depressed those kinds of things arent easy to think of. but if u get a list going of like “best things ive ever touched”��“sounds that make me laugh” “trends that were stupid af” “popular things that i didnt like n couldnt figure out why they were popular” “weirdest ppl ive met” well those things might get u on a roll of good memories or laughing or seeing that theres more to yr life than what has been occupying yr thoughts

dancing. dance in yr room in the dark. clear some space. put on some headphones. lock yr door. do it in the shower. just dance. i had to start w closing my eyes and picking songs that i was taken by emotionally. songs that made me jump and slamdance tbh and then it’s just gotten more and more something im not as ashamed w. i spent a date night w james just dancing and then we ya know ya know bc the dancing got so wild. now i make playlists of songs that set moods for diff kinds of dancing

watch shows w ppl who arent doing better than u. they dont live in fancy places, they dont do much w their lives, they dont dress better than u, they struggle, they arent eating good food u dont have access to. iasip. freaks and geeks. letterkenny. undeclared. jake and amir. tpb. the state. youtube. tiktok/vine comps. lots of these kinds of vibes on youtube

podcasts. improv comedy podcasts tbh saved my life. comedy bang! bang! has best of’s those are good ones to start w. improv4humans bc matt besser has great guests of some of the best improvisers out there and he has musical guests and they’ll play a song and the improvisers will use it as inspo for a scene

make things. moodboards. pinterest. playlists. fill a shopping cart and tell yrself “i’ll get it when i win the lotto and move away from anyone who knows me so i can be the me i wanna be w/out judgement” make tea. make a meal if u can. make yr bed. clean one thing. clean the sink. hang some clothes or go thru yr drawers and clean them out. throwing things out feels hard at first but then it’s nice bc u feel less bogged down

find something to throw yr obsession at for a bit. something that wont hurt u as bad, being obsessed in general isnt good. everything in moderation irl. too much of something is bad just as much as too less of it can be bad. but yr looking for something lower risk here and if u gotta be obsessed w a celeb or a song or a food that’s ok. yr focusing the energy on something that isnt a substance so be proud of it

give yrself a break. give yrself some credit. everyday isnt gonna be on the “best of your name here’s days” but sometimes u just live to live bc that’s what u do. u wait it out and get thru it and wait for the sun to come back out. and if u cant get outta bed. or if you hate yr job and wanna scream- that’s normal it’s more normal than always being happy ppl just dont like talking abt bc society kinda trains us to hide our fucked upness idk why but thats how it is. they dont wanna tell us to do preventative care until we’re in the pits

all in all- it comes down to (at least for me) not planning w an endgoal in mind. it’s not over til it’s over and rlly we dont know. it’s all fluctuating and not meant to be a finish line we cross and then suddenly we’re done and we dont suffer anymore and the feeling of shit is gone or the risk of relapse is gone and the depression is cleared away never to be seen again. it’s not realistic. bc it isnt real. on the real- risk is always there and the downs and ups mix and run together and depression is not curable (this isnt something to be miserable over tho) depression isnt curable, yeah ok, but it is manageable. it can be quieted down from time to time and if u keep up w yr healthy routines and coping mechanisms- depression will still find its way to u bc the real world is not something u can manage. death in the family, loss of money or job, car breaking down, sickness outta nowhere, depression grows wild when these very real life stressors come into our lives. but all that too eventually gets easier and easier at least from a “ok i have some distance now” standpoint. and then as those days get more and more btwn it u can then be like “oh wow, ive made it thru X amount of days! ive put up w it this long! whats one more day, whats one more week, hell might as well see how much prouder i can feel once ive got a year under my belt!” plus u will be more capable of handling the bullshit if u know u can still find some safe places in yr coping skills or friends or resources.

ok so this is prob a mess but bottomline know this:

I love  you and i will be here the best i can should u ever wanna come spill or if u need me to just send u pics of my dog or boring pics of knickknacks or selfies or memes or links or anything just tell me what u need and i will try my best to show u my love. i hope u can see that u reaching out is just already a HUGE major step in the right direction, give yrself credit! thats amazing! yr already doing it pumpkin look at u! it’s hard ik. but i also know if u are capable of saying u have this problem going on, u are capable of getting thru this. u are a light in the world. u offer goodness and u offer yrself and that’s enough. even if yr fucked up right now- u are contributing to the world by simply being u. there is literally NO ONE ELSE WHO IS YOU. so u are unique by definition. i hope u get something from this post and if not i hope it strikes an idea or thing u can do that will help. i hope u know im here and i hope u see this.

i am sending u all my light and love and good vibes and i can’t wait to see or hear from u again. u are never bothering me, a burden, or stressing me out. tbh it stresses me more that u might be struggling and not telling me or anyone. i dont ever want u to suffer in silence bc u feel guilt or scared or anything. u deserve to have a place to voice yr shit. im here to listen if u do wanna tell me anymore.

everyone else-if this helped or if u can think of anything that might help anon or anyone else- feel free to reblog and get some good NONJUDGMENTAL advice or tips and tricks going, but please please please remember to not come off as judgey or flood it with your drama. keep ur drama out of this post so anon or anyone else doesn’t get triggered by it. 

and dont ignore my rule and do it anyway and then say some shit like “ik u said not to but i think this will help lol sorry” like we need this post to stay on this vibe that i set in motion and not a struggle contest or dick measuring or all sad personal reminiscing. go make yr own post for that this is NOT the space.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Curly hair Rant

Listen y'all. My mother straightened my hair pretty much from 1st grade and through high school. And I say my mom because I have so much hair that it is physically impossible for me to straighten it by myself.

My hair was so damage that I didnt know I had curly hair. I just thought my hair was poofy and super damaged with split ends. In 2017 when I moved to Portland for my Master's program, I stopped straightening my hair. I was away from home so no one could say anything about it and i didnt know anyone in the city so I didnt care about "what people would think if they saw me like that in public". A nice stranger on the bus one day said that I might have curly hair and should start taking care of it. Gave me some tips and the I went online and looked up more. After months and a couple of hair cuts, I noticed my hair was curling all by itself. And it continued to get curlier and curlier.

Here comes the rant part:

When I came back home everyone was constantly asking if it was natural or if I got a perm. Totally understandable given that a my hair was straightened everyday for pretty much my whole life, but here is the thing. I am self conscious as hell about my hair. It literally does something different every day and most days I feel like I look like a woods witch raising baby birds in her hair. Why the heck would I pay someone to do that to my hair? Also why is it your freaking business if it is natural or not brenda/on? Listen I had someone tell me, [in response to me saying well I decided to just let my hair go natural] "oh, cute and curly hair is back in so it doesnt matter if it is perfectly curled or not".... the hell. Insulted by the idea that my hair has to meet a trend to be acceptable and also by the idea that "perfect" curls exist. Its hair. Its mine. Not yours. It doesnt matter if it is natural or trendy.

I stopped straightening my hair out of laziness and from feeling zero pressure to comply with my family's hair preferences. While my family had preferences and thought my hair was messy, I didnt think anything was wrong with my hair until Coming back home with it curly. Yes my hair was straightened everyday, but I straightened out of habit. I didnt consciencely think about having bad hair. My decision to stop straightening went like this "why am I doing this. It takes an hour and a half to do and i am missing parts on the back if my head, it not worth it."

coming back and now being conscious of the things other people do and say is what has me uncomfortable with my hair. My hair now recieves attention unlike before. But most of the time it isnt wanted y'all.

People actually just touch my hair at random and some times it isnt a simple touch. Sometimes it is like the stick their whole hand through my hair and shake it up.

I . DON'T. LIKE. TO. BE. TOUCHED.

My hair isnt an invitation for unwanted physical contact. But the thing is that, at least at first, I didn't know how to react to this contact other than smile and say thank you to end it asap.

I haven't straightened my hair in 2 years. And I probably won't do it again, but every so often i am tempted when people say things like "you should do something different with your hair" or "you should maybe straighten it for the party/special event" they make it seem like my natural hair isnt presentable enough for public.

Also the nice people arent helping either. Saying things like, "I wish I had curly hair!" Or "you know what they say about the grass being greener (yes because I freaking watched as told by ginger)", isnt helpful. I dont care that I have something you want. You wanting it, doesnt make it special. My hair insecurities arent from wanting straight hair. I could just straighten my hair. My hair insecurities arent even about thinking straight hair is better than curly hair. My hair insecurities are that my hair makes me stand out in a way that people will target me with their unwanted touching or unsolicited opinions because now they view me as an object. When I have curly hair I become objectified in a way that I was not when I had straight hair.

And the solution (just straighten your hair) is simple and yet it is wholly offensive and not what I want to do. I shouldn't have to change to feel comfortable. Those peoples' behaviors should.

You arent babies. You dont need to grab or touch on my hair or body. I dont care that it looks so soft or bouncy. I am not an object on display for you. I will take a compliment sure, I dont need one, especially a sneaky backhanded one.

Listen brenda/on, I know you arent trying to objectify me. I know you just really love my hair and werent thinking when you reached out. I know that you arent trying to be mean or insulting. But guess what. Just cause it wasnt your intention doesnt mean it isnt what you did. Stop trying to justify your actions with ignorance. You can admit to being ignorant in your apology without trying to defend what you did. Just say, hey I really wasnt trying to do that and I didnt realize that it would be come off that way, I am sorry and will do better.

Very simple. Apologize for the hurt and ignorance, but then educate yourself and do better.

Also to WOC with curly hair who have had the double whammy of having "messy hair" and having to deal with racism and all the other f-ed up crap in the world. I salute your strength.