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hs-devote · 4 years ago

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i. láthi: the myth

Moodboard * Content * Masterlist

Disclaimer:

All characters and situation in this story are fictitious. Resemblance to any person living or dead is only God knows.

i. the myth

“Fuck me.”

He collapses when he reaches his climax, along with the lady underneath him who's jolting when the pleasure hit them together. Their touched chest panting together, with sweats covering their naked body, confirming whatever activities they're having.

“That was good.”

He chuckles, “Absolutely.”

The man rolls from her, throwing his sculptured body next to the lady. He smiles when he feels the soft fingertips of her caressing his toned chest. He hums, lifting his head to land a kiss on her forehead.

“You're going today?” she mutters, “Why should you?”

“Selene,” he sighs, “Our people couldn't find her and they were too dumb. I can't wait any longer if I know I have more power to find her.”

“Fine then. But, don't take too long. I'll miss my husband so much.” the woman named Selene leans in to kiss her husband neck, “Our bed will missing you too, Harry.”

The man with the name Harry just laughs, twirling her blonde strand around his finger, “No need to worry, darling.”

Selene giggles sweetly as her husband cradles her face and brings their lips to moulded together..

. . . .

Harry feels weird.

It's not his first time being on Earth, but this will be the first time staying longer in the world of human and other creatures. Sure, the Earth is so beautiful but no one can against the beauty of Centauri. Centauri is where he lives, with his darling wife, Selene. Not only lives, but he is also the ruler of the realm, the lord of Centauri and all therein. He is the God of Centauri, and Selene is his Goddess.

The two of them have been married for a couple of years, long before the throne fell on him. Unfortunately, they haven't been given a child which is essential to keep their lineage. Selene is infertile, and that's why Harry has to go down to earth. To find the Goddess of Birth, who has been missing for hundreds years. He wants to ask her help for his wife.

And here he is, in Syracuse. Where everyone believes that the Goddess is somewhere in Italy, and Syracuse is the best prediction because the town was a witnessed the triumph of Centauri. Centauri is the realm that lies between the stars and moon, and cannot simply be searched for – can be found for the rightful creatures. The realm is unbelievable beautiful, a heaven-like, everything is so pure and sacred.

"Why human wears such odd clothes?" he hums, eyes darting from his foot to his chest. He feels weird and a little bit uncomfortable to wearing normal human clothes, everything they wear is so different from what he and his people wear back in Centauri. He used to wear silk, cervelt, or even satin. And when he's on earth, he has to adjust.

"This place is so plain." he averts his gaze around his temporary residence. He rents a cottage near the beach, for him easily return to Centauri at any time. The building is typically Italian country house, with stones wall and wooden door and windows. The things he likes about his temporary residential, it gives him more privacy than he asked. It's not in a remote area yet has traditional features combined with comfort and practicality. Even so, something is missing for him.

Flowers.

Back on his castle, flowers are always in every corner of the room and he's used to it. Flowers symbolize beauty and admiration, reminds him of his darling Selene.

Selene.

It's just a few hours after his arrival but he misses her already. But, in Centauri, it's only been a split second. Yes, the cycle of time in his realm is much longer than on earth. And because he isn't a human, especially a God, his aging is taking a really long time. If he's twenty-eight in human age, in fact, he's hundreds years old in Centauri time. But of course, his looks and physical like exactly a man on his mid-twenties. He's gifted with a beautiful face, perfectly sculptured body, voice as sweet as honey yet deep and firm.

Thinking of the flowers, Harry decides to step out of the cottage and roaming around the town to find a florist. He frowns as his eyes catch an Alfa Romeo Spider in his porch, looking at the vintage car with so much wonder. Even though he lives in a different realm, but he understands how the human worlds work and how human lives in general. That's why he got the car for his mobility.

But this time, he prefers to go on foot.

His green eyes full of wonder and curious, looking at his surrounding where humans doing their activities. But, the view this town got is more exciting to him. He admits how beautiful Syracuse is, even the town is small and the population isn't large. He thinks about inviting Selene to come here one day.

Then, his eyes catching a flower shop not too far from where he's standing right now. The shop looks pretty with so many flowers on their display, and it's the only flower shop near the beach – he guesses. He doesn't think twice and brings his foot closer to the shop. Feeling grateful that he doesn't need to walk far.

The shop is fairly small yet its collection of flowers is quite various. Before he goes inside, he looks at the flowers in the basket. The flowers are quite different with ones in his castle, but they're still pretty. Harry is too awestruck with them to make him unaware of the presence of someone beside him.

“Posso aiutarla, signore?”

He snapped his neck fast, eyes grow wider when looking at the young girl standing next to him. The girl offers him a friendly smile with a bouquet of roses in her arms. For a split moment, he's staring too long at her and makes the girl frowns. Shifting awkwardly, the girl asks him once again.

“Can I help you, sir?”

She speaks English with him, thinking he's not Italian and just a foreign tourist. But Harry just smiles, and pointing out her flowers, “Sono belli.”

“Si,” the girl nodded in agreement, “Grazie.”

"Err, I don't understand Italian that much." he scratches his neck nervously, "But, can I get a bouquet of each sunflower, daisies, and lilies?"

“Sure. Do you want to choose them for yourself or let me choose them?” she smiles, “But, I assure you they're all good.”

He nodded, “I trust you, thank you.”

“Fine. Coming right up.”

"Thanks." His eyes following the girl who just saunters into the shop. Shortly after, the girl comes out wearing gloves with scissors in her pocket. Her hands delicately pick out each flower and put them into the nearby basket.

“Is this the only flower shop in here?” Harry throws a question, eyes looking sharply at her – watching every move she makes.

“You could say that.” she shrugs, “Well, there's one but quite far from here. Not in the beach area, though.”

“Ah, I see.” he nods, “Do you know good places to visit? This is my first time and I don't know where the worth to visit.”

It's obvious Harry doesn't just stay for only a week or so, he needs more than that to find the missing Goddess. And he thinks visiting a place or two won't hurt. He loves to explore places, and it will help him to widen his search area.

Does he know where to find the Goddess?

No, he doesn't.

But, he can feel her if she's close. Also, the Gods and Goddesses have a special hidden mark on them to identify them as the extraordinary creatures.

"Is this your first time in Italy?" she looks at him with her doe eyes, "We have so many beautiful places to visit." then, she continues to pick the flowers.

“First time in Syracuse. But, I've been to Modena and Florence.” he doesn't lie. He went to Modena and Florence a few years ago, but it was just a quick visit. Really quick visit that only a day trip.

“Well, how much days do you have?” she questions him.

“Actually, I'm here for work so... I have much time, I think." he bites his lips, "Does it take many days?"

“No..” she laughs, putting the flowers into the bouquet and tied them up with black ribbon, “If you have a plenty of time, I suggest you visit several places in Sicily, not only Syracuse.”

“Thank you.” he says when the girl handed him his flowers, “But, I think this town is rich with Greek and Roman history. So, it will be more fun.”

"Oh, you're into a history?" she widens her eyes in surprise. Because not many people like a history that much. And finding a handsome man loves historical places, it tickles her a little.

"You could say that." he grinned, then stretches out his hand, "We haven't introduced ourself yet. My name's Harry."

The girl giggles and shakes his hand softly, “Hi, Harry. I'm Y/N.”

Her hand is soft like cotton and makes him wonder what treatment she did have to keep them so delicate. Even Selene's hands are not as soft as her hands. His smile fades a bit when Y/N takes her hand from him, and intertwining her hands together instead. He doesn't know why a disappointment swept over his heart when he lost touch with her. It feels like her hands convey a sense of safety to his soul. He drowns in his reverie too long, until he realises she's looking at him with an arched eyebrow. He blinks his eyes, shaking his head shamefully.

“I'm sorry. How much are these?” he says, looking at the bouquets in his arms like they are his babies.

“That would be €100.”

Harry then dig his pockets, taking out the money and hands her the cash. He politely thanks her before walking back to his cottage.

On the way home, he keeps thinking about the girl. Y/N. He doesn't deny that she's beautiful, charming, and she has something that he feels different. He assumes she's so much younger than him – than his God age and human age of course, and wondering how old is she. Then, he remembers Selene. Selene's human age is the same with him, but sometimes she acts like a few years younger and childish. He wonders if Y/N acts like that too.

He shakes his head, pushing the thoughts away. How could he compare his wife to another woman?

. . . . Flowers are quite essentials for him. And that's why he always buys them every day. For several weeks he's been here, he buys flowers from different shops and of course compares the qualities of each. Short story, he bought a few bouquets from a shop far from his cottage. He liked their flowers, but he didn't like the woman who sold them. She always flirted with him when he tried to pick the flowers, and openly asked him out.

Harry aware very well how attractive he is. And the way his wife keeps telling him how hot he is always being his constant reminder. He remembers when he was single, hadn't taken the throne yet, the ladies on Centauri always thrown themselves on him. Stared at him like he was their delicious prey, like he was the heaven that everyone always dreamt of. He knew they always had his name spoken between their conversation.

He was very cocky and proud of that – at that time. But, when he married Selene, all of them didn't diminish. The hunger stare, their giggly comments about him – it bothered him and Selene very much. However, the time when he took over the throne, those ladies zipped their mouth close. Very aware that they shouldn't talk inappropriately of their ruler.

But, the thing that bothers him more is those who talked about Selene. About her wife being infertile and hasn't produced an heir. Harry knows it annoys Selene more, and that's what brought him down to earth. For one mission.

How is his search been?

Absolutely nothing.

He still couldn't find the Goddess until now. He has arrived at the right place, but it's hard to find one person among the hundreds of thousands of people here. However, he must not give up. He tries to find a clue by going to historical places of the Gods and Goddesses. Time travelling to a few decades back to find any closure. But, it just gives him small pieces of the story.

Thinking about that saturated him a bit. He decides to go out and buying new flowers for his cottage since his last flowers were already withered. Climbing on his car, Harry started the engine and drive away. It only takes ten minutes drive for him to arrive at a certain flower shop. He smiles looking at the open signage hanging on the wooden posts but the girl he wants to see is nowhere to be found. He kills the engine, getting out of the car, and walking to his destination.

His smiles grow wider when his eyes catching the girl who just comes out from inside, holding a toddler in her arms. Is that her kid?

“Hello,” Harry greets her, looking at both the girl and the toddler.

“Oh. Hi, Harry.” Y/N smiles, adjusting the quiet little girl on her hips with both her hand wrapped around the small body, “Looking for some flowers?”

“Yes.” he breathes, “It's peonies and gardenias this time.”

“Good choices. They're still fresh because they just came a few minutes ago.” she nods, “Just a moment, I should take Lola inside.”

“Sure.”

Y/N gives him apologetic smile before going inside. It doesn't take a minute for her to comes out with gloves hand and no the toddler clinging onto her.

“Was that your child?” Harry asks curiously, watching Y/N picks out the peonies and putting them to the basket, “She's beautiful.”

"Unfortunately, no." she answers, "Lola is my friend's daughter. She asked me to babysit her this morning since she had to be out of the town until night. I thought my job is easy enough so I agreed and brought her here. Luckily my co-worker inside didn't mind at all."

“And yes. She's beautiful and such a happy baby. She's just three years old after all.” she adds, “Didn't bother me that much.”

Harry doesn't say a word, he just keeps looking at Y/N who's now putting the flowers together. He thanks her when she gives him the bouquets, then hands her the money.

“I've visited some places, most of them were historical.” he starts, “But, do you know any similar place? I mean, I'm interested with Greek and Roman myths. So, if anything like that I'll be happier.”

"Have you visited the town hall?" she asks back, "They have a lot of historical information about it, and one of them is the myth about Centauri."

Hearing his realm being mentioned makes him stiffened, but he has to play cool. Harry doesn't know if the people now know about Centauri since it had happened centuries ago and it's almost certain that no human has become living witnesses, only Centauri people who still have that memory to this day. Everyone thinks that the legacy of Centauri's victory was from another life.

“Centauri? What's that?”

"I think it's quite similar to Greek and Roman myths. But, everyone believes that Centauri's myth is greater than the Greek and Roman. Rumours say that the legacy of Greek and Roman, were actually Centauri's. Greek and Roman couldn't touch Sicily because it was overpowered by Centauri."

Harry scrunches his nose, “Only Sicily?”

"I guess? Because the rest of Italy was under Greek and Roman's power." she shrugs, "Well, I don't know much since I'm not Italian. But, that's what I heard from my granny."

“Oh, you're not Italian?” he asks in surprise, he doesn't think Y/N isn't Italian because her Italian accent that time was quite impressive. But, if he studies her carefully, he knows she's not.

“I'm English. I moved here since I was eight with my granny.” she chuckles, “That was after the passed of my parents.”

She's an orphan, and only live with her grandmother – he guesses. He feels bad to ask him that question if it would lead to a sad thing.

"I'm sorry about that." he gives her sympathetic smile, "I don't know–"

She waves her hand, "It's okay, Harry. You wouldn't know if I didn't tell you, right?"

“So, you're living with your grandmother? Only two of you?” “Correct.”

“How old are you if you don't mind?”

“I just turned twenty-one last month.”

See, she's much younger than Harry thought. He then nods, “Happy birthday, then.”

"It's late. But, thank you, Harry."

In all of sudden, Y/N co-worker came out from inside with the sobbing toddler on her hips. The toddler's face is wet with tears and pouting mouth.

“Piange perché le manca sua madre." her co-worker informs her and hands her the wailing baby. Y/N thanks her and begin to wipes the wet stains off the baby's face while cooing sweet words, trying to soothe the little girl.

“Va tutto bene, Lola. Andiamo a casa, va bene?” she whispers in Lola's, the little girl, ear. Her palms stroking Lola's back while bouncing her body. For a moment, she forgets Harry who looks at her in awe. Watching the precious scene unfolded before his eyes. He loves how gentle Y/N to the baby and thinking she will be such a great parent someday.

“Lo so, caro. Lo so. Ti manca moltissimo tua madre, sì?” she cooes, “La mamma tornerà stasera. Non preoccuparti. Vuoi giocare a casa mia?”

Harry watching carefully the way Y/N treats the little girl, the sweet gesture and fondness making him thinks about his future when he has children of his own. Thinking how beautiful and complete his life would be with the presence of a child whom not only he is the who craved, but everyone else. A child who would later replace him on the throne.

His lips forming small smile when Lola nods in Y/N's neck, refusing to show her face. She seems unwilling to let go since her tight fists wrapping around Y/N's neck.

“I'm sorry, Harry. I think I'll call it a day and go home. I don't want the customers to be bothered if Lola keeps crying.” Y/N says softly, her hands still stroking Lola's hair.

“Do you need a ride?” he asks hopefully, wanting Y/N to take his offer. He just curious about the little girl and fascinated about the bond between them. He knows she is close with the child, proven by Lola who agreed with her suggestion.

“Oh, don't worry, Harry. I can walk back to my house.”

“Why?” Harry is surprised by what he had just said, sounding so pushy. He hurriedly corrected before it was too late, “I mean, it will be a little inconvenient walking while carrying her. I parked my car not far from here. At least if I give you a ride, you will arrive sooner.”

“Uhm...”

"C'mon." he assures her when she looks a bit reluctant, "Besides, you haven't told me other worth visiting places in Sicily.

“Fine,” her agreement makes him smirks, “Let me take my bag first.”

He nods, letting Y/N take her time to grab her things. It doesn't take too long to her joins him in the front of the shop. She smiles, giving an okay to them to go. On the short walk to his car, Harry stealing glances at the lady next to him. Y/N tries to talk to Lola for the child to not feeling sad anymore. He doesn't realise that he has been smiling at the two of them.

He stops at his car, putting the flowers on the back seat before unlocking the passenger door for her. Y/N climbs into the car and thanking him for closing the door for her. She adjusts Lola in her lap while Harry joins her in the driver seat.

“Nice car, anyway.” she comments as the engine starting to roar.

“Thank you,” he replies while turning the steering wheel, letting the car down the street. Both of them didn't utter a word for the past minutes. If Harry busy behind the wheel, Y/N seems to be enjoying the ride by feeling the afternoon breeze sweeping her hair.

“Looks like you enjoying the ride.” he says softly, looking at her briefly before looking back at the road.

"Mhm, it feels nice to ride along this beautiful coastal with a convertible car." she nods, her head turns to see the beach not so far from here. Then, her head flicks to see him, "Do you know the direction to my home? I only gave you the name street."

"There's a technology called Google Maps," he jokes, "And luckily, I know how to used them."

Y/N laughs loudly, making him laugh too. Somehow her laughter is infectious, and he swears it was the most beautiful laugh he had ever heard. Yet, both of them hurriedly closes their mouth when Lola shushed them. The way Lola pouts her lips makes him gushes, thinking how cute she is.

“Mi dispiace, Lola. Non intendo ignorarti.” Y/N giggles, twirling her dark curls. The little girl just huffs, before cackling loudly because Y/N peppering kisses all over her face.

That makes Harry's heart flutter, seeing how precious a child is and the affection between them. For a moment, he looks at them like they're his family. A feeling of happiness filled his heart just thinking about it. But, he shakes the thought away. He has his wife back at home and will have a child someday.

“So, Y/N.” he coughs, “You just said to me earlier the town hall is a worth visiting place to know the history of Sicily. Where is it?”

“It's near Catacombe di San Giovanni actually, just five minutes walking distance from there.” she responses, “That's a nice place. Unfortunately, not many people come to visit.”

“Y/N, posso avere il gelato?” Lola whispers to Y/N. She just pinches her chubby cheeks, “Quando torniamo a casa, va bene?”

“Perchè non ora?”

“Perché non possiamo fermarci. non vogliamo disturbare Harry, vero?”

Lola slumps her shoulder before nodding softly, leaned back on Y/N chest while playing with her skirt. Harry who's behind the wheel, knows the girl is upset and he couldn't see an upset child. All he does now is, turn the wheel to stop by the ice cream parlor he'd seen before.

“Posso fermarmi un momento. che sapore vuoi?” he questions Lola who just staring at him with her big hazel eyes. She gives him toothy grins, nodding her head quickly makes him worry that it will fall off from how fast she nods.

“Posso avere due misurini di fragola e cioccolato?”

“Lola..” Y/N warns the toddler in her lap. But, Harry quickly shakes it off, “It's okay, Y/N. Just think of me treat you as a sign of our friendship.”

“Remind me to treat you back someday, Harry.” she sighs in defeat, then looking at the smiling child on her lap, “At least she will be better after this.”

. . . . It becomes Harry's habit to buy flowers at Y/N's shop. If usually he would buy them once a week, now he buys them almost every three days. Not only did he keep them fresh, but there was also feeling that would stick in his heart of he didn't see her. And he doesn't know why.

“Harry! Stai cercando Y/N?” Mia, Y/N’s co-worker greets him. She was sorting the withered flowers in front of the shop when Harry came. Harry feels his cheek heated; he nervously scratches his neck.

“Sì. Ma voglio anche comprare nuovi fiori.” he let out a nervous sigh, “Lei è qui?”

“Compra nastri per un po'. Aspetta solo un momento.”

“Grazie, Mia.”

Not long after, Harry feels a light tap on his shoulder. He smiles finding Y/N standing in front of him with the groceries in her hands.

"Hi, Harry." she grins, "Coming to buy another flower?"

He nods, “I will have three bouquets of baby breath and two bouquets of carnations this time.”

“Sure, wait a minute. I have to put this stuff inside.” She smiles, showing her shopping bags before storming inside. A few minutes later, she comes out with her gloves and scissors, obviously.

“I’m curious. Why do you often buy flowers?” she hums, “Are those for someone special?”

“No,” he answers honestly, “I just happen to like flowers, very much. They’re just pretty and I’m used to having a garden to plant them. Then, when I moved here and I don’t have a garden, flowers in a vase aren’t bad.”

“You’re just a romantic guy, aren’t you?” she teases him while tying the flowers.

“What makes you think like that?” he chuckles.

"Because…" she hangs her word, "It's rare to find a guy who happens to like flowers."

“Then, I’m such a rare guy then.” he wiggles his eyebrow, smiling a bit makes his dimples pop out. For a moment, Y/N thinks it’s cute. Moreover, the way she just finds out that Harry has bunny teeth, it’s just adding his cuteness.

“Cocky much you are.” she laughs, shaking his head. Then, handing him his bouquets, “There you are.”

"Thanks," he whispers then give her the money, "Actually. I came here also to ask for your help."

“Mhm, what is it?”

“About the Town Hall thing. Do you think you can accompany me to go there?” he nervously asks her, “If you don’t mind, of course.”

“When?”

“The sooner the better.”

“All right. I think I can leave now so we can go there faster.”

Harry widens his eyes, doesn’t think Y/N will agree and ask to go right now. To be honest, if Y/N refused him, it would be fine. He just wants to know what the people think about Centauri myth. Since Y/N is a local, she might know a little bit about it and maybe, maybe be able to help him.

“Is that OK? I mean, you’re at work and I don’t want to disturb you.” he asks with concern, “We can leave after you finish your work, though.”

“It’s okay, H. I’m not really working today and just stopped by the shop.” she bites her lips, “Besides, if I can help my friend sooner, why not?”

His heart flutters in awe after hearing that. He doesn't think Y/N considered him as a friend, a friend that happens because of the constant of buying flower. Plus, the way Y/N calls him by a nickname makes his heart stirs.

“Let me return the gloves and scissor and then we can go together.” she winks, then excusing herself before meeting him again. Harry leads the way to where his car was parked, not too far from the shop. He politely opens the passenger door for her, then putting the flowers in the back seat.

“Do I need to tell you the direction or.. you will use the Google Maps thing?” she teases.

He frowns a bit, “Google Maps is okay. But, you can tell me the right direction if the Maps goes wrong.”

“Okay then.” she hums, averting her gaze to the road in front of them. Looking at the beautiful Sicilian scenery. Sometimes, she glances at Harry who seems so focused behind the wheel. Little does she know, Harry is very aware that the girl next to him stealing glances at him. But he chooses to ignore it. Deep down in his heart, he knows she may be attracted to him yet the woman doesn’t want to show that.

“Here we are.” Y/N breaks the silence when they arrive at Town Hall, “You can park in the back of the building.”

Harry just nods, and park the car not far from the entrance. Before getting out of the car, they're quite surprised at the number of visitors that day – much more than usual, according to Y/N. Then, both of them close the door simultaneously and admiring the architecture. The building looks more like a cathedral, thick with gothic nuances and looks majestic. Y/N guides Harry inside and begins to stroll around inside. Of course, Harry goes straight to where the diorama of the Centauri myth is. His eyes catching a few illustrations that he admitted the truth while the people consider them a myth only.

The illustrations are where the Gods and Goddesses came to Sicily, built a civilization, and leaving it as dust when humans crossed their lines.

He doesn't realise he was staring at it for too long and deeply felt it while Y/N stands beside him.

“Harry.” she softly tugs his jacket sleeve, making him jolts and snaps his head to her. Looking at frowning Y/N.

“Uh, yes Y/N?” he scratches his nose, “I’m sorry I was daydreaming.”

“You look very carried away with the illustration.” she looks at him full of wonder, “You really like history, huh?”

“Actually, I think they missed one thing.” he deadpans, “Have you ever heard the myth of a missing Goddess?”

“What?” she blinks, frowning deeply.

“The missing Goddess of Birth. The myth said that the Goddess left Centauri and is believed to be in disguise among the Italians.” he exhaled, “I’ve heard if that myth but it looks they don’t have the illustration.”

“Well, after all it was just a myth, Harry. Some people believed it, and some didn’t.”

“But, do you believe it?” he challenges her, “The Centauri and myth?”

“I don’t know,” she jogs her shoulder, “But, if it was real, Centauri must be beautiful. The real, the people, everything… they’re believed to be between the moon and the stars.”

“If that was true,” he trails off, “Would you like to see Centauri?”

“Maybe. If I had the chance, though.”

Harry nods, assuming that she doesn’t know about the missing Goddess. Well, he could see a little when it happened. The Goddess had indeed disappeared, and she is, in fact, in Sicily. But, where should he look? Albeit he can sense the presence of other Gods, Goddesses, or Centauri people, it still complicated for him. He doesn’t want his mission in Sicily to be wasted, and he was thinking of getting to something as soon as possible.

Then, it happens.

He senses Centauri people nearby. Who sent them? What are they doing here?

"I think we should go now, Y/N." he murmurs, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "I'm done, and it was mind-blowing. Maybe I'll look for another theory somehow."

“Why do get so attached about the Centauri thing, Harry?” she asks while exiting the building, “Is that interesting?"

"Like I've told you before, I just like.. history." he brushes her off, helping her to hop on the car. He hastily starts the engine and leaving the building behind before the Centaurian finds him. He doesn't like the idea of him and Y/N get caught. They will tell his wife and he doesn't want that.

Harry doesn't hesitate to drive Y/N home while the girl refuses politely, doesn't want troublesome him. Well, she gives up after all since Harry is so adamant.

He gives her a small smile when she thanks him for the ride, and drifts away from her porch after that. It doesn't take long to arrive at his cottage, he drives pretty fast and the road was quite clear that day. Then, he is surprised by a familiar voice greets him when he opens his door. A few feet from him, someone he hasn't seen in a while standing with arms wide open.

“Selene?”

“My darling, Harry.” the lady sighs happily, jogging towards him and hugs him tightly. Harry has no idea why does Selene come to see him? Is there something wrong back in Centauri? Then, he remembers the Centaurians he sensed in the Town Hall. Was it his wife? But, he could tell right away if it was her. Did Selene send them away?

“Hi,” he breathes, pulling away from her to kiss her full lips. “What are you doing here?”

“Missing my husband so much,” Selene giggles, “I know it’s only a few days, but…”

A few days? Oh well, it's a few weeks for him. Excuse the different cycles of time between Earth and Centauri.

"Are you going to stay for a while here?" he asks even though he knows what's her answer. Selene never likes Earth and humans, she always looks down on them, thinking they're lowly creatures. Being the Goddess she is, especially as the wife of Centauri's ruler, makes her feel superior and nothing nobler than Centaurians.

“Why should I?” she rolls her eyes, “Sometimes I wonder why you volunteered to come down to Earth even I know what’s your mission. But, still…”

“Selene..” he sighs, “We have discussed this, right?”

“I know, I know.” she pouts, “Let’s just forget that. This place looks nice, anyway.”

“This is your first time complimenting human building, you know?” he teases him while stroking her soft cheeks, “But, yes. This is the nicest in all of Syracuse.”

“Where’s your bedchamber?”

“Why? Do you want to take a rest?”

“No,” she hums seductively, “I just miss you terribly,” then she tiptoed, bringing her mouth to his ear, “And it aching me down there.”

Oh...

Harry unconsciously bites his lip when Selene sucks his skin below the ear, and he is sure it will leave a mark from how hard she sucks them. Not need to think twice, he scopes her body and brings them towards his bedroom. He hasn't had sex since his arrival in Syracuse and it makes him giddy. After all, he also missed his wife even that feeling was sometimes replaced by the presence of Y/N in his new life here.

unedited.

share your thought with me, here.

#harry styles #harry styles au #harry styles series #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #god harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #romance #fanfiction

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kjsadd · 4 years ago

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(Michelle Frank, ADDitude podcast #305)

My notes:

* Neurotypical behaviors are not only seen as normal, but also idealized, held as the gold standard.

* ADHD people tend to idealize the neutrotypical and minimize their difficulties. Gets in the way when Appraising our own behavior.

* Can you imagine a world where people were trying to act more neurodivergent, to act more like their ADHD friends? It’s hard to even conceptualize because the mould is so strong.

* Treading water just to get by, just to stay afloat.

* Feelings coming out as issues with food, body. We put a lot on our body

* Trouble regulating arousal states. Hyper aroused, hypo aroused. Fall asleep when bored or understimulated—alertness and arousal pathways aren’t properly regulated. Can’t start, can’t stop. Struggle to put foot on gas, take foot off gas.

* Stress significantly impacts ability to regulate arousal. Regulating our energy levels, our feeling of being able to get going, ability to fully engage and be present.

* Default mode network: processing network, best buddies with the task mode network. In neurotypical brains, it’s the internal background chatter; pauses or shuts off when engaged in a task. The handoff between the two networks is more disjointed in ADHD brains; the default mode network won’t shut off. Leads to ruminating (esp if anxious), wandering mind. But another word for that is creativity. Linked to hippocampus which processes memory, which is why we often ruminate on the past.

* Difficulty seeing ourselves in the future, and holding our future in high regard in order to act on it now. Future goals very abstract. Doesn’t hold weight, or does hold weight but “can’t meet the future with the present.”

* Brain craves stimulation; connected to disregulation of dopamine, the pleasure/reward chemical. “Being bored physically hurts.” If your dopamine is crashing, your mood is going to crash too. If your dopamine isn’t working as it should, it’s a quicker rise but a deeper fall.

* The adhd brain craving stimulation leads to hyper focus. Can be a good coping mechanism, but leads to pseudo-productivity. Get lost or stuck in the things that cause dopamine rushes (old habits)

* Routine gives us the predictability that the world can’t. But often a love-hate relationship: doesn’t give sense of satisfaction when doing it, but also know it’s good for you.

* When the vagas nerve is overstimulated, we go into fight/flight, or if we can’t escape, freeze (looks like under stimulation)

* Think of a time when you were in the window of tolerance. Content, able to be engaged. What are the cues? Where were you? What helps you get to that state?

* Stress = hyperarousal. Amigdala overload. ADHD loves this state. Nervous, irritable, reactive. Don’t try to problem solve here. Can’t access reasoning and executive function.

* When can’t escape, freeze: go down to hypoarousal. Protective state of last resort. Very disconnected, physically tired or out of it. Can be more profound in people who’ve experienced trauma. Can’t act. “I can’t”. Dorsal vagal shutdown.

* What if it’s ok to just survive?

* Pausing is the first step. “Mindfulness is a pause—the space between stimulus and response: that’s where choice lies” (Tara Brach, “radical acceptance”). Pause to create space to regulate.

* Create safety; pre-plan. Coping ahead: what does it look like to cope ideally with XYZ situation? 20-30 minutes for nervous system to drain the flood, sometimes more. Can’t regulate if you don’t feel safe.

* Physical safety — minimize stresses.

* Emotional safety. Women tend to become people pleasers when things get stressful, keep the peace. But need to set boundaries, take space.

* “Name it to tame it” no “should” when it comes to feelings. Increase emotional awareness by increasing emotional identification. Name feelings, observe them, don’t judge them. Nonjudgmental compassionate witness to experience. Emojis are fine.

* Ways to regulate: mind-body practices, somatic experiences, designed to shift stress response back to the window of tolerance. Get back to the body.

* Insight timer’s free app has body scans and other good stuff.

* Deep breathing, focus on exhale: 7-10 seconds. Activates vagas nerve.

* Don’t put off the pleasurable/positive stimulations just because you haven’t done all the chores, etc. Essential to keep up the positive stimulation; it keeps the dopamine flowing in better ways.

* What is the essence of the thing you think you want? When struggling with the shoulds. What is the experience underneath the tidy house that you want? Is it clarity, peace, space? Can you create that in a different way, or achieve it in a more fun way? How can you experience the essence of the thing you think you want in a way that’s small, realistic, and true for you.

* Instead of “how do I live up to the standard,” live from the inside out. ADHDers are great at living from the outside in.

* Attunement: sways experiencing misattunent with the world and our loved ones. Heal that by tuning to ourself, and not recreating the neglect, rejection, and judgment we experienced earlier in our lives.

* We’re taught as kids how to deal with fight or flight; take a breath, calm down. But we’re not taught how to rev ourselves up when we’re hypoaroused. Try different ways of getting into your body (safe space, mindful techniques, progressive muscle tensing), and creating shifts in energy/body (eg, open the window, music). We start disconnecting from ourselves and numbing out.

* Reframe productivity: What is the one thing I want to do today that will feel good for me?

* Create a bridge from what’s worked for you in the past, what works for people with ADHD, to the present moment.

* When you give yourself permission for it not to be perfect, it makes space for it to be good.

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babygrabberrr · 2 years ago

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when I tend to say things it comes out long and drawn out no matter how concise I try to make it because I want to touch on a billion different things. hopefully you stick this one out, kudos to you!

the greatest source of contention amongst lifters seems to have stemmed from the old v. new divide, but sometimes it's framed as slick v. sloppy. people have their own more personal reasons for disliking or disagreeing with things (such as people being problematic as hell, cut that shit out and learn to grow and apologize if you want to be taken seriously) and it's all okay because not everyone has to be friends with everyone else. the stuff that isn't ok is when you try to victimize yourself while making this a worse place. by worse I mean bringing down the potential of it to be a peaceful yet badass communitv

more concrete examples of the above (and small suggestions on how to amend these follies) are:

using the tag.

it's no longer safe and unwatched by those who vehemently seek to make your life uncomfortable with faux moral outrage. it's long since been unnecessary to make any introduction/announcement posts about "Hi I'm a new lifting blog!" in the tag. you would be better off following your faves and trying to interact with them. posting in the tags invites too much negative attention (though I know that there are more than a few that do not care about it and relish any attention they can get, I want to say to them "You are selfish and do not care about the community, so why are you trying so hard to fit into a community that you have no intention of protecting?")

ignoring the warnings others have given you.

when we say just be nice and vou'll do fine? it's true. vet people alwavs find a way to mess that up so idk why anyone is surprised when the shit gets stirred. tone policing. these is a merry band of thieves on the internet but remember: the internet is not going to coddle you. if someone says something and you don't like how they said it, don't just ignore the message. try to understand why they tried to tell you something and make an effort to clarify and reach a mutual comprehension.

inconsistently applying the roleplaying excuse.

if you think that people truly believe that crock of shit vou are onlv too gullible ourself. don't use it to deflect real discussion and avoid responsibility for vour actions. roleplay all you want but don't 1p so hard you lose touch with reality. not using your noggin. the cool thing about lifting is that most anyone can take it up and learn to get better. it's a skill. it requires experience and practice. use google. people are willing to share their stores of knowledge with you usually when you are polite about it or tried to make an effort by reading up on relevant information. also asking off anon will probably do wonders. and firsthand experience trumps an tip vou read here.

***this is a personal one but I really want to sav it: don't be fucking haughty about shoplifting using crappy logical fallacies such as «why does the world hate on shoplifters when there are rapists and murderers." saving those things makes you a tool for stifling relevant discussions.

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theintuitivewildflower · 7 years ago

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What an amazing quote to start this week.

"But if you bury your sadness under your skin instead of letting it out; what else can it do but grow in your veins, to your heart." -Nikita Gill

It gets me thinking about how healing, for me, went into high gear when I quit resisting emotions as they came to me; rather I let them flow to me, then from me. Knowing that the darker feelings will still come along but they'll also go away helps to me work through them; as I know after the darkness comes more light. This too shall pass is the kind of approach I found worked best because it will pass. Feelings are meant to be felt and awareness of them can help you in knowing yourself and what makes you tick. Awareness of our feelings brings about healing by way of self-love, mindfulness, personal growth and emotional maturity.

Healing is crucial for you if you want healthier relationships in the future including those with family, friends and partners.

Starve the Ego; Smother Your Distractions

Today I'm discussing starving the ego, our personal or false self; starving distractions in our relationships, dating, co-parenting, families and friendships. Feeding the soul is more beneficial to your true self; soul work is simply aiming to align with your authentic self, who you are at your core. So here we go, here come some tips that are working for me regarding how and where to begin your own feelings to healing process.

"But if you bury your sadness under your skin instead of letting it out; what else can it do but grow in your veins, to your heart." -Nikita Gill

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Feelings Bring Healing

Hurt people hurt people! -Russ

Loving yourself enough to give yourself time to heal can help you foster healthier relationships in the future. You really can't love anyone else properly if you are not complete yourself.

Ego is your false self. It is who we want others to perceive us to be. It is the people pleaser in us; the mask we wear for fear that someone will see who we really are. Also known as the shadow or our dark side. We all have one and we all choose whether it gets fed or not. Often, subconsciously, we allow ourselves and others to feed it and if we aren't careful it can take over our authentic self and get out of control if we aren't paying attention.

The quote by Nikita Gill "But if you bury your sadness under your skin instead of letting it out; what else can it do but grow in your veins, to your heart." -Nikita Gill

In life, we all experience these events that bring up emotions that are difficult and painful for us to feel. Then, we do what?

Add another layer of ego to cover it like a band aid?

....put another mask on?

Move on? Suck it up? Get over it? Hold grudges?

Forgive but don't forget? Get angry? Get even? Keep them a secret?

WE NEED TO FEEL THEM, BE IN THEM, LEARN FROM THEM, FACE THEM AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO APPLY THE LESSONS AND HEAL FROM THEM IF NEED BE.

Healing is hard work!

Healing is profound in terms of starving the ego! Not many realize that pain, sadness, sorrow, grief, guilt, abandonment and other low vibration emotions can be hidden behind that mask we wear! It isn't just instant gratification via sex pride ,flirting, compliments, likes on Instagram, Twitter followers, accolades and honors that feed the ego. There are other feelings we all face that we either decide to deal with or we try to hide them away. Maybe because it just plain hurts to feel them or maybe we think they'll fade away or lay dormant never to haunt us again.

I just mentioned SOME of the unhealthy ways we can respond to pain and sadness that feed the ego and not the soul my friends; things that cover them up rather than things that shed light on our issues. While working to truly know oneself we must allow ourself to feel every emotion we have; good and bad. This is what feeds the soul; knowing what makes you tick, what gets under your skin and why ; also recognizing whether your reacting or responding to people out of ego, in authentically or from your soul, out of love.

My goodness, sometimes it isn't pretty when we start shedding old layers ego. Sometimes it's like having nightmares only your awake and living in them. Often, it can be more painful to feel the feelings than experiencing the actual pain and hurt the event caused in the first place. However, covering up those feelings for the sole purpose of not feeling them isn't going to do your spirit one bit of good. In fact, it will further crush your spirit crippling you from fulfilling your purpose, knowing who you are and becoming who who are meant to be.

We're Conditioned to Lack Empathy...

Hear these as a child?

✋🛑stop your crying.....

🙏get over it.....

😭Crybaby.....

😪Big girls don't cry ......

😎boys don't have feelings...

🙄Suck it up......

✔️Be a big girl/boy

🤔I'll give you something to cry about.

These are the traditional societal norms we've been conditioned to live by; this is just the false self, hiding behind our emotions and trying not to ever catch feelings.

Fine, don't catch feelings. None of them stay forever anyway. Simply focus on recognizing them, feeling them come to you and then letting them flow past you. While you are having an emotion visit you try to be mindful about why you feel that way, what is the root cause, is it positive or negative? Did it feel comfortable or were you ready for it to pass? How long did it stay? Did you do something that made you feel another emotion instead?

After this pattern of behavior begins, the fed ego and its to toxicity begin to starve your soul, taking you away from your purpose and spirit early on. Often, negative self-talk begins here because though your following society's norm, hiding your feelings, your still feeling them. Therefore, as young children we feel guilt, shame and humiliation because we've been made to feel inferior, weak or sensitive for having emotions.

We further feed our ego and not the soul when we focus only on those events, activities and people that just make us feel good emotions. However, I want the long term benefits of emotional intelligence, don't you?

Instant gratification is what the ego seeks so we must be careful and ask ourselves when deciding, responding or reacting...

These statements so many of us heard growing up about crying being a weakness and hiding our feelings are pivotal moments in our lives. Moments in which many of us were conditioned to avoid feeling pain, sadness, grief or anxiety as opposed to being presented with a handling a life-event lesson or a discussion about what emotions are and how we can use them to evolve into a better version of ourselves.

The results of raising generation after generation in this inauthentic mindset is emotionally unavailable men and emotionally immature women; neither of which know how to communicate in a healthy way. In turn, we see marriages dissolve, friendships fade, family ties get broken. We also fail to forgive, empathize and show compassion to ourselves and others when we choose to hide behind our false self. When we hold emotions in they stay within us and soon become toxicity in our veins but bubbling and ready to erupt.

If so, let's ask ourselves if we are passing this habit of hiding the sadness on to our children?

Would it not be healthier to allow our children to be sad when they are sad and even empathize with them when they are?

We need to reverse that behavior, that choice! We need to choose US, our heart, our soul, our dreams and our healing.

So have the life events, feel all the feelings that come along, process them, get help if needed. Begin to heal from your hurts, don't just bandage them up. For things to change you have to change. Show yourself some love and let others notice the positive changes in you as you gradually heal and grow more emotionally mature.

....is this feeding my soul or my ego?

Also, what will the future or residual benefits of this choice be? If there aren't any, then you can be fairly certain that your just feeding your ego. Your soul may be malnourished and in need of some TLC.

When we choose to cover up pain or sadness, refuse to feel it and then not seek to heal or face the emotions we have..... they remain within us. They fester, they flow through us even while being ignored and they contaminate our actual authentic self and pull is further from our purpose. They remain there, feeding the ego, remember; the ego is who we want to be perceived as, our fake self. If you are a parent, please pause and take a moment to ask yourself if your are suppressing sadness from your own childhood that you need to process ; through the soul this time so you can actually heal.

That's how we can begin to raise kids that aren't ashamed to tell their parents how they feel. Lastly, parents don't hide behind your mask with your kiddos. If you have repressed feelings you need to process be real about it. Be the example. Be the parent you needed when you were that age.

Feelings are just that, feelings. You are going to have them, this is undeniable. When we hide them and feed them to our ever-starving ego , the ego grows; our fake self then grows more confident and the dark side of us, our shadow, gets stronger. Ego will consistently be pulling you further from your divine purpose as long as your feeding it. If you feed the ego , you starve your soul. You can't feed both, it's a choice.

We can all be out here starving the ego more, feeding our souls more nourishing content, living with more zest and having a powerful purpose if we'd be simply commit to peeling that mask off. We gotta stop hiding out inside ourselves; letting that let sadness and pain contaminate our soul.

What will you choose the next time you catch a feeling?? Ego or soul? Will you feel it or will you resist it?

Then, let that soul of yours shine. That's the good stuff!! That's where your purpose is, waiting for you to get Aligned with it!

Personal growth requires growing pains. However, nothing is more painful than remaining in a place you don't truly belong.

Karyn Dee

...FEEL IT TO HEAL IT AND DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY DREAM LOVELY!

#theintuitivewildflower

Love you bunches

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personifiedchaos · 4 years ago

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I keep thinking about this and haven't been able to get it out of my head so I'm gonna put it here so I can look at it from another point of view...Something that confuses me about the human experience is that so many of us CHOOSE to simply exist instead of LIVING... Understanding and loving yourself because you are a valid human with a unique human experience is instrumental to true happiness. Until you understand the truth of your experience and how it has impacted you, you have no control of your experience and future. But once you understand yourself, your needs, your desires, where they came from, and decide what to keep and what to discard, you will only be what Life has made of you, not what YOU have made of you.

If you understand that nothing happened to you, YOU HAPPENED, well, then you have taken your first step toward real power... IF YOU TAKE ON THE VISAGE OF A VICTEM THAT IS ALL YOU WILL EVER BECOME. IT IS A TRAP.

Take your power back. Understanding isnt the same as dismissing the actions of others and the impact it had on you; BUT, when we aren't aware of what happened to us, why it happened, and how it affected us, then we repeat patterns that hurt us and those we love. It is in our nature to do what we KNOW, even if what we know is toxic. Knowing is half the battle. WILLFUL IGNORANCE IS TOXIC. Once you understand and can clearly see what you NEED and what you dont, you have the power to change it. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SAY NO AS A COMPLETE SENTENCE. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone, though you can choose to share your experience with those you care for, the difference is that when you have to explain you are searching for their validation, when you choose to you have already validated yourself and only seeking to enlighten and allow them to understand you better and strengthen your bond. This difference will cause conflict and you will lose people, some of which you love. Sometimes we are so desperate for love that we latch onto anyone we can, and then we put up with abuse of all kinds to keep them!

Learn who you are and then improve upon it one step at a time! Who YOU ARE isn't FINAL until you CHOOSE to stop growing and changing.. no one else can change you without your permission, even trauma can only affect you if you choose not to process it and choose to keep it and not move past it...

All this takes time and determination. It is a battle with your demons, but when they are dominated and subjugated to YOUR WILL instead of you to theirs, you really start loving yourself. You GROW STRONGER AND BECOME A PERSON THAT YOU CHOOSE AND THEREFORESOMEONE WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE. You will lose things and people on a journey as long and difficult as this; it is unavoidable. You cant keep adding ingredients to a recipe that doesn't call for them and get the product you want. You have to make.a choice. The recipe, or the product. If you're ok with a slightly different product thats fine,, and can even improve it in ways you didn't anticipate, but the process ISNT EASY, which is why the majority of people will never reach their true potential. The process is hard but worth it. When you reach the platues qhere you ar content with the yield you have produced it is bliss. And when you strat to feel hungry again you know how to get what you need! It is no longer a struggle to find your way. When you love yourself and understand what you need, you can only improve your experience or choose to be miserable. Most people choose to let life HAPPEN TO THEM, instead of making sure that they HAPPEN IN LIFE, thus they are subject to their experiences instead of ruling themselves. You have to love yourself 1st. Drugs are a way to disconnect from yourself and your experiences, but they won't give you ALL THAT YOU NEED. They are a tool and should be used as such, and sometimes they are needed to get through some hard situations, but they should be an accessory to the plan and not your destination. Becoming fully dependent upon anything other than your own will is perilous, and is a pitfall alot of people fall into. You can climb out, but it is going to add more pain, aggravation, stress, and discomfort to your journey than you have to experience. You can choose to see the obstacles and choose to avoid the ones that already unnecessary. You can choose to do better and be better. You can be full, content, at peace with yourself and still have passion and desire and ambitions. Controling yourself fully is freedom. You cant control anyone else without damaging them and causing them to damage you in return. It is an unhealthy cycle that feeds into itself. The only person you should ever seek to control is you. Influencing others to collaborate with you and align themselves to a similar goal is fine,, but you can't force your will on others without doing damage and endangering yourself and all that you have worked for. Your life should be the most precious thing you have.

Also, When your needs are met, you can still want things. Your dreams are even more realistically achievable when you are secure in your own self and survival... but the SELF HAS TO COME 1ST. People cling to the idea that to be HUNGRY is the only way to keep your momentum. That isn't true. It can act as motivation, but like anything else, too much can break you down instead of propel you forward. You can be content and at peace and still keep moving toward your goals because it is your ardent wish to do so. It is just a choice instead of a need to meet those goals at that point, and you when you realize don't have to suffer between milestones, it is a life changing moment. Let your self confidence, self control, and self awareness carry you between milestones, instead of dragging yourself down the road starving, exhausted, and in pain until you reach your goal. Over endurance is another pitfall. Dont get lost in comfort. Being comfortable and becoming complacent are different things. If you approach life from a place of unfufilled needs and hunger, you will only every experience happiness as fleeting. You will become addicted to successes and failures will break you down instead of teaching you. Being content isn't the same as being stagnant. You can't give up your desires for comfort otherwise you become imbalanced and stagnated.

Another problem is that we give so much of ourselves to everyone else and keep very little to in reservefor ourself. This can cause burnouts faster than anything else. If you are giving when you are already in a deficit of self, you are inevitably going to burn out completely. We prioritize others above ourselves and waste ourselves and call it sacrifice.Your soul is yours 1st. If you dont feed it and care of it and keep sacrificing pieces of it for others you will eventually run out and not have the ability to regrow it. When farmers harvest, they store away seeds for the next season. You can enjoy your yield and still reserve some for later without fweling guilty.. it will swrve you better in the long run. It's ok to sacrifice pieces, as long as you save seeds to continue growing and cultivating. Cross breeding your soul with that of others that you learn from and connect with can improve your yield, or it can kill you. You have to be aware of what you're putting into yourself and what you're losing. If we float through life just existing instead of consciously choosing to stear ourselves we will remain lost forever. And you can't get where you want to go without knowing where you are and where you have been. Your soul is yours. Your life is your choice. If what you want is in direct conflict with those around you, you need to remove yourself from the situation. You can not force others to grow or understand or take the more difficult path and continue growing. My goal in life is to grow until I leave this vessel and become the next thing. I hope there is something next to become, but I dont know. Which makes it all the more important to be present and choose to LIVE instead of just exist or survive. Knowing yourself and exerting your will over your life is POWERFUL. Learning to properly balance risk and reward is crucial to obtaining your objectives. Balance is so important, and that means that if you have to be aware of not only mistakes, but overcorrecrions. With that power you can do great or terrible things. The important thing is that you have free will. No one can take that unless you give it to them! So DONT.

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