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#sorry about this rant I just need to get this out cause I wanna know if I’m being over dramatic or what
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TW: vent
I hate not having any control over my own life. I hate not being allowed to choose what I wear, what I do, and what I control. I hate being told to do the dishes everytime the sink is full, I hate being the family therapist, I hate not being allowed to relax without being shamed for it.
I tell my sisters no to something that will make a mess if I don't watch them closely, then being forced to give it to them anyways by THEIR father and still have to clean up THEIR mess.
I hate having to do the dishes when their are other people in the house who can do it, then being told the way I do it is wrong.
I hate being threatened to have my hair ripped out of my skull if I don't do what I'm told.
I hate being told I look TOO good in something by my mother and then those pants or that shirt get taken from me and put in my moms drawer.
I hate being told that only skanks wear cropped tops and not to walk around in only a bra and some shorts when I'm hot because my dad (step-dad) is in the house, or he has friends over that he could bring them in, but my mom wears crop tops, and she walks around in the store, at other peoples houses and other PUBLIC places in just a bra.
^But when I walk around OUR house, I'm asking for it
I hate wanting my hair cut, and eventually getting to the point where I want to cut it myself, but I can't. Wanna know why? Cause I'll get my ass beat for doing something I've been BEGGING my mom to do for the past year or so.
i hate being told the hair cut I want is too short, or too boy like, or it doesn't match my face, that it'll make me look ugly.
I hate being expected to let my mother rant to me, but get scolded if I try talking about my feeling with her.
I hate telling my mom things I wanna do, then her tell me no and that I have to do something because she had to.
I hate being told not to let people see me cry, not to let people see me weak, not to let them think I'm weak, then being told I should cry more, and let my feelings out when my dog gets killed.
I hate having to fake my tears so that my mom thinks I'm alright.
I hate that every time I sit down I'm automatically not doing anything, that I'm always so lazy, that I don't do anything.
I hate being the one who has to talk myself out of panic attacks, then when I tell my mom, she just tells me not to let myself.
"Why are you putting yourself the panic attack? Why are you letting it beat you?" She says
But god forbid if one of my sisters start having a panic attack. And I get it, their 5 and 7, yes worry about them, but I'm 15, I want my mom to about me like that.
I hate feeling like I have to fight my feelings.
I hate wanting to be a man just so I can feel some kind of control, and I still don't feel like I can control anything.
I hate the way my step-father has made me hate men, but I still want their love.
I hate feeling like I need to fight for love.
I hate the empty "I love you"'s that come out of my mom, and stepdads mouths.
I hate the fact that I still love my mom, despite the things she's put me through.
I hate feeling like I'm never enough, like if I'm of no use to anyone, then why should they love or care about me?
I hate feeling like everyone expects so highly of me, and then are significantly disappointed when they actually get to know me.
I hate not feeling much of anything besides anxiety, fear, and anger.
I hate feeling smaller than everyone else.
I hate having to create different personas for every person I meet, just so I can be liked.
I hate not being allowed to be myself.
I hate feeling like crap everytime I'm not comfortable with doing something, because if I'm of no use to you, why should you care for/about me?
I hate not being able to focus on one project, and then feeling terrible because I never finished something.
I hate feeling sorry for others more than I do myself.
I hate not knowing when my next meal will be.
I hate being shamed for not eating because "we have plenty of food."
I hate having issues with certain textures of food, and having to go hungry because I don't like what my mom fixed.
I hate not liking certain tastes, then being forced to eat it, because I'm tired of starving myself.
I hate feeling like I'm bothering everyone else because of my feelings.
I hate feeling bad for snapping at my sisters, when they didn't even do anything wrong.
I hate being shamed for how little I eat, and how much I sleep.
I hate how I never get a break.
I hate getting shamed for taking a break.
I hate how my mom and step dad don't care about my hobbies unless it makes money that they can emotionally manipulate me into giving them.
I hate feeling like I can't trust anyone.
I hate losing weight, but still looking fat.
I hate wishing I had more things wrong with me, just so I feel like I have a reason to complain.
But most importantly...
I hate myself
And I'm sorry if you actually read all of this. You shouldn't have to listen to some stranger that you don't even truly know on the internet. Because you don't know me, no one knows me. They know a carefully designed version of me that was made just for them.
@puppet200 @purpleeggyboi @th3-r4t-48 @zeroisreallygood @im-a-simp898 @luciluck2046 @evry1h8s-me @aflairforthemelodramaticc @caretaleandotherstuff
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mejomonster · 10 months
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To get good at telling stories... writing stories... one must... practice by writing stories ;-;
#rant#i tell u what i think id have functioned well in a wrbnovel publishing format. but i dont think#any good sites for that exist in english as of yet? (i think theres one but its contract is Yikes i heard)#but just like. the idea of publishing chapter ever 1-2 weeks until youre done. maybe 20 chapters maube 2000. maybr you never finish.#most of the chapters free and maybe idk you make some advertizing money on ads viewed on your chapter page. or make the last couple extras#paid only idk. but the big thing? the point im getting to - sorry i got lost in the sauce -#my point is: you probably DO write shit at first. or write fine with some SHIT ARCS or rushed chapters to hit ur weekly updates#and 5 years from then youll look back and wanna overhaul some of those fucking stories (weve seen many a jjwxc writer revise later).#but wow will you have practiced writing a LOT.#youll have 100k 500k 1 million 5 million words worth of writing under your belt in a few years#and youll probably be a hell of a lot better at knowing how to make more chaptwrs on average interezsting and Building Consistently to your#main plot and arcs. you'll probably get much bettwr at raw scheduling of wriitng and pre-planning that works for you and structure mapping#youll have a much better idea of your personal strengths whrn you need to lean on them for a rough month when your story's turned#into a mess. youll value your own writing more (i hope) cause LOOK how much you fucking accomplished.#like. npss? dmbjs author? idk about others but i can definitely see the improvement in wriitng skill#between dmbj book 1 and the recent heihua book and mountain village book#(in terms of style in word choice. and goals for the story set out to be told)#i look at priest and newer novels by priest are as impressive as any literary novel ive ever analysed#(and older ones while i also love i do see their slightly rougher word choice and how some were executed a bit#more up and down/not as tightly)#i just. agh. i am :c feeling that ill probably write 200k words this year#and none of it will be as good as i want. but i NEED to write these first 200k#because the only way i get better. get to the way i want to write. is to make the progress of improvement with this first 200k.#ToT fun fact i wrote 170k words this year. WOW. and maybe 400k words of fanfic in the 4 years prior (so 100k words on average)#i know i am imptoving. i just gotta keep at it.#also? annoying i cant focus my attention lmao. 160k words is mkre than enough to finish a 1st draft novel#but me? i split those among like 20 projects this year. so the novel most written so far is still only at 40k#and im probably going to need 60k more words to finish it
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honeyboyfelix · 1 year
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making decisions for your characters.... hard 😓
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misslovasstuff · 5 months
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Op!men with girlfriends that get excited about them being angry
paired with: Sanji, Zoro, Ace and Law.
content: kinda suggestive (nsfw)
Sanji
he would NEVER get angry at you, like NEVER
Sanji didn’t know about this weird side of yours but being the sharp genius that he is, sometimes there were clues he put together when you two were being intimate
Let’s just say you got a bit too excited when he grabbed your flesh tightly and when you hear him groan, at times when you teased him at the point when you think he’d snap at you… but he didn’t
He was torn apart between ‘do I give her what she wants so she’s satisfied’ and ‘but I would never wanna hurt or disrespect a woman’.
Despite the dilemma, he especially noticed your gaze on him when he was angry or whenever he was fighting an opponent
He’d think you’d have a more worrisome look on your face but no, you’re literally melting while watching his eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched as he cusses some filthy words out of frustration
He brushes it off this time as well, thinking whether he should ask you about it.
However, when you thought that there was no way Sanji would ever get mad at you, there is a detail you ignored: he gets most angry when you’re in danger
So the day you voluntarily put yourself in harm’s way, that was the day you sat down and listened to him attentively as he ranted at your carelessness.
“You think going on your own against such a strong opponent is the right thing? You could have died if I didn’t come at the right time! What were you thinking?!”
His tone of voice is louder than usual, his eyes wide and not looking at anything else but you.
Sanji sighs and rubs his temple, closing his eyes to recollect himself.
Once he opens them and gazes at your direction, about to apologise for the way he got mad at you just now, he meets your blushing face and eyes that reflect a gaze much in awe.
Obviously you were in an effect other than what Sanji expected.
“Uhm, love? Are you alright, I’m sorry, I just… you have no idea how worried you got me and…”
You blink after a while, gulping as you cross your legs and giving a fake cough.
“No need to apologise. I acted selfishly.”
Sanji notices your flushed demeanour. Seeing you sat on that chair, legs crossed, a strong grip on the base and head lowered down as to hide your blush, it made him smirk a little bit as he approached slowly.
He presses his hands on your thighs as he parts your legs, his face only centimetres away from yours. He’s grinning, scanning your face and realising that he was right about his doubts:
“You like it when I’m mad at you, huh?”
Sanji asks and you avoid his gaze but he tilts his head to meet it nevertheless.
“You get excited by watching me so heated up, don’t you?”
Biting your lip, you finally meet his eyes and nod.
“You must be so frustrated then. It’s almost impossible to make me mad at you.”
You sigh: “Tell me about it.”
After you both chuckle, Sanji leans in and whispers in your ear:
“I can give a list of things you can do to make me mad, love. I also like it when my girl misbehaves sometimes.”
Zoro
“You’re an absolute freak you know that?”
“Oh come on Zoro, say it one more time for me…”
Your boyfriend is not known for his patience.
Zoro sighs, rolling his eyes with a hidden smile: “You’re impossible. How can you be into this kind of thing? Listen to me and just-“
You pout, averting your gaze and giving up on convincing him.
But your boyfriend is known for having a weak spot for you.
Zoro notices, grabbing your hand and guides you to somewhere.
You’re confused but follow him nonetheless.
He stops and gazes around then pushes you harshly against the wall, his arms surrounding you.
“Want me to get mad at you? That’d be easy giving how much you get on my nerves.”
Of course, you let out a soft moan, undeniably making the swordsman excited on his own accord as well.
“You always wanna get your way!”
He whispers aggressively, grabbing a hold of your hair, causing you to tilt your head.
“Why you never listen to me, huh?!”
Zoro’s voice becomes louder in a breathy way as he bites your ear, then drags his lips along your jaw.
“I listen to you, Zoro… I really do…”
You moan his name as your hands press against his chest, travelling up where you put them around his neck.
With this, Zoro pulls you closer as you arch your back, leaving bite marks on your neck.
“You won’t do this again, right? - Zoro asks. It receives no response other than your loud moaning. - Right?”
He asks again, grabbing your jaw and making you look at his gaze directly which is so firm, fierce and possessive.
“I won’t… I won’t…” - you whisper, gazing at his lips before he crashes his with yours, beginning one of the hottest make out sessions you ever had.
It’s not your fault he ends up doing what you want over and over again and that’s the key that makes him mad, and that’s how you know he likes it too.
Ace
“Fucking shit!” - Ace cusses, throwing his broken log pose in the sea.
When he does so, his body catches fire a little bit but he doesn’t seem to notice or mind.
You on the other hand, you do notice of course.
The way he brushes his hair backward as he sighs, placing his hands on his hips as he tilts his head back, gazing at the sky.
“Fuck it, that was the only way we could find our way to the island. Damn it!”
Whilst his back is in front of you, Ace does not notice you biting your lip and looking at him up and down.
“Don’t get so mad, babe. I’m sure we will figure it out.” - you state, getting up and hugging him from behind, hands resting on his chest which he grabs and lets you experience the warmth.
“Right. - he calms down, turning to face you. - Now, why are you looking at me like that?”
Ace is intrigued at the expression of your face. There was obvious excitement there and the way you’re now pressing your chest against his is making the guy visibly confused.
“Does it make you mad that I’m looking at you this way?” - you ask, giggling.
“Of course not, sweet thing. How can I be mad at you?” - he puts some strands behind your ear and notices now a bit of disappointment evidently shown in your face.
“Can you say that again for me?” - you ask, tracing his chest with your finger.
“Say what?”
“The way you cussed earlier… can you…”
Ace was catching on with what you meant, but still thought is was funny to hear you say it out loud.
“Tell me, - he grabs your chin a bit harshly. - what do you want me to say to you?”
You gulp, licking your lips before claiming:
“Get mad at me like that, say ‘damnit’ and ‘fuck’ to me.
“Ohhh, - Ace smirks, pulling your lower lip down with his thumb. - I have a better idea, how about I fuck you instead? Promise I’ll get angry at you as you ride me in an agonising slow pace and make me mad at my core, aight?”
Law
Your boyfriend acts nonchalant most of the time. It you know deep down this man is crazy for you.
He’s usually calm and collected and the few times you’ve seen him lose his marbles was around the time you traveled with the strawhats.
Now you wonder, how can you make him a bit mad, just a little bit to spice things up.
However all your efforts did not amount to anything. The way you achieved what you wanted was from a random man who approached you on the street while you were with Law.
“What a beauty! You’re free tonight, sweetheart? I’ll rock your world i prom-
Certainly he was drunk, but Law did not hesitate in teleporting that man away as you heard a scream from afar.
“Asshole.” - he cusses, grabbing your hand tightly as continuing walking.
Your heart is beating like crazy. You didn’t want to provoke him further but on the other hand…
“He said he was gonna rock my world.” - you claim, smiling at him as he turns his face to look at you, confused.
“So what? - Law asks, stoping his pace and pulling you by your hand into his arms. - You’re curious now?”
It’s hard to hide your blush as his eyes gaze into yours with a passion different from other times. His grip on your waist tightens as his hands travel up your body to your chest.
You let out a small moan: “maybe I’m curious, yes.” Trying to tease him backfire as he grins and whispers to you.
“You’re really making me mad here. - he gropes your tights aggressively. - You know damn well I can rock your world as well, don’t you?”
In attempt to keep him irritated, you say: “I might have forgotten about that.”
Man, the look in eyes is insane.
“Oh, really?” - law questions, shaking his head and clicking his jaw. - He teases your nipples with his fingers, making you suck in your teeth.
“Let me refresh your damn screwed memory then, love.”
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ripplestitchskein · 6 months
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Today I wanna rant talk about this
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Versus
This
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A lot, and I mean A LOT of people use these two moments as a way to compare Stolas and Blitzø with Fizz and Asmodeus. Specifically, Asmodeus with Stolas. And I get it, both Tiny Clown Imp with Giant Bird Aristocracy. Both dealing in different ways with the social hierarchy of hell. People keep using it as a “well Stolas HID while Asmodeus declared” and yes, that’s true but I don’t actually think we’re meant to be comparing Stolas and Asmodeus, at least not about this specific thing.
Blitzo doesn’t need someone to declare their love for him, he needs to declare his love for someone else.
People put the “Stolas is ashamed of Blitzo because of his station” on Stolas a lot and it is shown multiple times that it is not a factor for Stolas. He even like…sings about how it’s not an issue? Explicitly. The different stations was an issue for Asmodeus for awhile based on thier convos and the hiding. And it was for Fizz, though for different reasons I’ll get into in another post cause this is already going to be long as fuck. But this social hierarchy, famous person conflict is 100% Blitzo.
Blitzø is the only person who should be interpreting Stolas hiding his face as being because of the social disparity because that is a hangup of his. We, the audience, should know better because we’ve been shown the truth, or the reality of the situation in the scope of the show, MULTIPLE times. Blitzø is the one who harps on the class disparity, he’s the one who has the perception that Stolas is only looking for a fetishcentric fuck with the common rabble. The audience is supposed to see Blitzø’s reaction and know he is wrong, that this interpretation is because of one of his character flaws of feeling not good enough, and being compared to people, not because of the reality, because we have proof otherwise. Including the canon song where Stolas fucking says it outright.
There is a lot of talk about the “solution to Stolitz” being Stolas loudly and publicly declaring their relationship ala Asmodeus. But…Stolas already did his big public declaration at the BEGINNING way BEFORE Asmodeus. Stolas did it in The Circus flashback. He reinforced it at the Harvest Moon festival. He reinforced it at Ozzie’s.
His initial public declaration was following up a Imp leaving his bedroom in front of the Ars Goetia yelling “Sorry I fucked your husband” after a big aristocratic party by coming out well fucked and loudly screaming he was getting a FUCKing DIVORCE and ripping a banner in front of some of the most socially influential people in Hell. He then publicly thirsts over Blitzø at the Harvest Moon festival, multiple times and by name AND species. He takes Blitzo’s hand, and goes on a public romantic date with him, even reminding the doorman of who he was and who he was with and THEN when all eyes are still on them after the song at Ozzie’s, despite everything said, reaches out to him across the table and then gets up and leaves with him even taking his car home when he has the ability to just portal. No one who converses with him about Blitzø is left with any ambiguity that they are involved, not Stella, not Striker, not Octavia, he loudly declares he is into the imp to anyone who will listen, often in front of Blitzø, which he cringes away from and insists is just a transactional fucking.
The contrast to be drawn between Asmodeus making a public declaration shouldn’t be on Stolas but BLITZØ. He’s the one who needs to declare it, Stolas already has, repeatedly and out loud, and in public already.
Blitzø is the one who can’t say it out loud. He’s the one who shies away from conversations about it and dismisses it when anyone brings it up. He uses the excuses of social class and it being only for sex to justify his own inability to own it. There’s a reason all his exes are massively famous people who got famous after he destroyed the relationship. With Verosika it’s pretty clear she was super into him and he dipped. It’s not clear if it was because she was getting famous, that might be revealed, but the hints we have (her tattoo, his stealing her credit cards and disappearing) is that the end of that relationship was all Blitzø. When people find out he was in a relationship with her he is uncomfortable with the fact that she is famous, he goes out of his way to separate himself from her fame. Because people react exactly as he expected them to, incredulous someone famous could be into nobody Blitzø.
Somewhat ditto with Fizz, at least at first. Fizz was shown to be already pretty well known by the end of their friendship. Because of Blitzø’s self worth issues he doesn’t believe someone like Fizz could reciprocate his feelings, he sees him surrounded by people and doesn’t feel worthy to be one of them so he turns away and accidentally burns down a circus doing so. While a confession from Fizz first, if he felt the same way, might have prevented the catastrophe we have no way of knowing if Blitzø would have done the same thing to Fizz he did to Verosika and let his self worth issues eventually destroy their relationship too, especially after he signs on with Mammon. A big theme of their comments to each other before their reconciliation are about the disparity in fame, Fizz is also an imp so it’s not social class, but that Fizz is a beloved, famous figure and Blitzø failed at becoming one.
The Circus illustrates this so well, Blitzø is the failure who keeps trying his hardest and Fizz is the one who steps in and just kind of naturally does it. Blitzø’s dad makes no secret of the fact that Fizz is the more desired one. We also see Stolas appreciating Blitzø for who he is. Laughing against the crowd, just like during the sitcom taping, he doesn’t care about the public’s reaction to Blitzø, it doesn’t lessen Blitzø in his eyes at all.
We have also seen Blitzø be told very publicly a person loved him already as well and it STILL wasn’t what he needed. Verosika has it literally tattooed in a prominent place on her body, out there for everyone to see.
He doesn’t want a public declaration, he fears making one of his own and being compared to the one he declared for. “That guy is with THEM?!” It happens when Verosika steals his parking space and everyone realizes they dated, and it happens when the crazy fan goes after Fizz. People dismiss Blitzø in favor of the famous person he is with.
Hearing that, again, would invite the scrutiny that would just further validate that he’s not good enough, that he’s lesser and lower. That’s been his experience so far. Stolas declaring it would just put the spotlight on him once more, and I think it would actually make things worse for him mentally and emotionally. His reaction to Ozzie outing Stolas as his date to the crowd shows us this. I believe it’s why he split up with Verosika, the more famous she got the more eyes on him that could find him lacking. He’d be in the spotlight and his act wouldn’t be able to measure up to hers.
Just like at the circus with Fizz when they were kids, or during the sitcom, when eyes are on Blitzø he fails. Stolas gave him a bit more confidence each time. Not by loudly yelling “Hey, I like him!”to sway the audience, but just by quietly and genuinely laughing at his jokes and appreciating Blitzø for who he is. Stolas I think realizes this consciously, he sings it in Look My Way that the realm doesn’t appreciate what Blitzø is and because of this Blitzø built up walls around himself to protect from that lack of appreciation. Stolas tries to hype Blitzø up, he does so in the Harvest Moon Festival early on in their relationship but it makes Blitzø uncomfortable because the public declarations bring eyes to him. He has like….relationship stage fright in a sense. Imo the last thing Blitzø needs is another loud declaration.
Stolas though, he does NEED it. He has had one romantic partner publicly declare they don’t love him to all who will listen for like well over a decade, and now he needs a partner who will make it really really clear they do and I think preferably out loud where others can hear.
Stolas’s conflict and flaw is his family and his desire for reciprocal love. The shame of being an adulterer, of destroying the idealized family he strived for and the image he projected for so many years. And especially, the loneliness of his “romances” being one sided. With the exception of Octavia all of Stolas’s surrounding family and “friends” don’t give a fuck about him and he knows it. Why would Blitzø be any different? He also needs someone to choose him outside of a business or familial relationship. Stella was an arranged marriage to produce a heir. Blitzø was a sexual transaction for the grimoire. Octavia is his daughter. His relationship with his father shows that he isn’t special to him either. Paimon doesn’t even know his name. Stolas has no one declaring for him.
There’s a reason most of Stolas’s issues are told though “images”. The family portraits, the Sinstagram posts of Blitzø appearing annoyed or disinterested while Stolas does not see the picture Blitzø took, because that is his primary issue, he destroyed the image of himself he was trying to project for a chance at a reciprocal relationship. That image maintenance has nothing to do with Blitzø’s imp status, but more the public lack of perceived reciprocity in his romantic dealings.
He knows he looks like a fool, putting himself out there and not getting a confirmation back. This is why every problem Stolas had with his marriage seemed to come down not to attraction or status but mutual feeling. He doesn’t feel bad for cheating because Stella made it clear she didn’t care about him for him. Stella tells everyone loudly and publicly, even before Stolas cheated, how she feels about him. So as soon as Stolas can he jumps at the chance to say “HEY EVERYONE SOMEONE DOES LIKE ME! HE HAD SEX WITH ME AND EVERYTHING”and yelling out “THE ONLY MAN WHO CAN FUCK ME”. Flirting with Blitzø in front a crowd of people. He desperately wants to be publicly desired, to know he’s loved and for others to know he’s loved too.
I don’t think it matters to Stolas at all that who he cheated with was below him in terms of social hierarchy, or that people know about it, and he hasn’t ever indicated visually or with words that Blitzø being an imp was the root of those issues for him. Stella brings it up because she’s obsessed with status and EVERYONE KNOWS that her husband fucked an imp and is now divorcing her. Asmodeus brings it up because the entire Lust song at Ozzie’s is to distract the audience from his very real love affair with Fizz and maintain the public fiction that what he and Fizz have is just physical.
The whole social hierarchy issue is a deflection, and a misdirection.
This is further emphasized by the fact that Fizz and Asmodeus fucking isn’t even really an issue? People seemed to know they were fucking, like them being walked in on at breakfast and loudly declaring “ we are just banging, we are not in love”. The social hierarchy conflict as an external factor kind of falls apart on that alone but let’s move on. It’s not 100% clear if people outside of the household knew about Fizz and Asmodeus so we can maybe assume the public at large did not. But higher level demons being in a relationship with lower level ones doesn’t appear to be an issue? Like most of the powerful demons we see are actually in relationships with someone from a lower class. Even Mammon surrounds himself with imps and relies on one for his business.
Blitzø sure as fuck brings it up as a justification for why he’s not good enough. But Stolas doesn’t.
He’s even been shown visually and deliberately as forgetting that it’s even a factor, starting with his bowing to Blitzø as a baby owl and then again as an adult. So the comparison of these two moments as being about shame regarding social status for Stolas doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t think it’s about social status at all really. I think that’s the excuse Blitzø uses to push people away and that’s just as much about social status as it is their fame. I’m not saying it’s not a larger theme of the show, but I think in this instance and for Stolitz it’s a distraction from the larger issues Blitzø has.
Stolas doesn’t need to publicly declare their relationship for an audience to solve their relationship issues because he already did, and I think we’ll see that the reason it’s such a huge plot point for Asmodeus and Fizz (beyond it being tied to their specific roles in Hell as the King of Lust and a public figure) is that it needled to be removed as an obstacle in BLITZØ’S mind.
Blitzø was the one present to witness the public declaration between Asmodeus and Fizz at the competition, not Stolas. If the comparison was between Stolas’s behavior and Asmodeus’s he would BE there, we, the audience, would have him there to connect that conflict in our mind as being rooted in Stolas. But he isn’t, because that conflict is 100% Blitzø. He won’t be able to use the imp versus demon thing as an excuse anymore as there is a very public example of someone even higher than Stolas loving an imp that he personally knows. Not only that but we see no indication in the episodes after Ozzie’s that there was ANY fallout for Stolas or Blitzø having their relationship outted so publicly. We see a big press todo about Stolas going to the hospital but not a single scene of like press asking Blitzø or Stolas about their relationship or the scene at Ozzie’s. Because no one but Blitzø actually cares? Scenes in media show us what’s important and if it was actually important to the larger world of Helluva Boss we’d have scenes to show that. There is no press coverage after the Not Divorced party, none after the Harvest Festival and none after Stolas officially makes moves to divorce Stella. He has assassins follow him around but not press. We DO get those press scenes when Fizzarolli and Asmodeus come out as being in love, because they are big public figures, but the only people who even mention Stolas and Blitzø are contained to Ozzie’s alone, and really it’s just Wally, Fizz and Asmodeus. The rest of the club is just interested in the spectacle.
The point of the hiding Stolas’s face behind the menu was not to tell audience he was ashamed of Blitzø, or that his being with Blitzø is a problem for him socially, but to reinforce Blitzø’s excuses to himself that it is, and highlight Blitzø’s self worth issues. This is further confirmed when Stolas reaches out to him across the table even though they are still in public and then later when he verbally expresses to Blitzø that he’d like to spend time with him without sex, tells him he enjoyed spending time with him outside of the arrangement, makes himself physically uncomfortable in the van just to spend more time with him. All of which Blitzø refuses to believe and dismisses. All of their interactions are shown as Stolas being the one to put himself out there, sometimes to a desperate cringe inducing degree, and Blitzø shutting it down and only expressing that his external protestations are not his true feelings by his avoidant looks, stumbling over his words and excuses, and his “protesting too much”. We as the audience see he’s full of shit through the reactions of others, Millie and Moxxie and Fizz specifically calling Stolas his boyfriend or being skeptical of the bullshit Blitzø spews to diminish the relationship.
For Stolas the song at Ozzie’s was a reminder that he had done something that fucked up his family and frankly his life as he knew it, tarnishing his image as a husband and father, and that fuck up has nothing to do with Blitzø being an imp, everyone knew that already for the most part from the very first time they had sex, but because Blitzø was the catalyst for the risk he took. He used to have the image of his family and his Princely appearance to hide behind and now we’ve shone a spotlight on who he really is, a lonely, soon to be divorcee, on a date with a demon who has acted completely dismissive of him, even outright ignoring him and ghosting at times.
A good way to highlight this issue with image is when Stolas nervously giggles and tries to over the top declare “we are having a perfectly normal date!” to the waitress by playing it off as being okay and trying desperately to get Blitzø to participate. He’s being publicly humiliated again and he tries to play it off and cover it up.
We see it again in his text messages from after Ozzie’s, he is so desperately trying to show Blitzø that it didn’t bother him, but that if it bothered Blitzø he’d like to talk about it. He tries to front it as “I don’t mind jokes about myself, it was pretty funny hahaha” but we as the audience see it for the pathetic attempt at faking it is. Laughing it off and pretending it doesn’t bother him is what Stolas does but he still made an attempt, he still tried. Stolas is from what we see extremely comfortable expressing his feelings, loudly and at length. It when he gets rejected for them that he pretends it’s not how he feels. And once again, he reaches out to Blitzø, gets shut down after putting himself out there and then acts as if everything is fine.
During the song at Ozzie’s , when the spotlight comes to Stolas, Asmodeus starts reminding him he “destroyed” his life, his family, and his image for a dude who does not outwardly appear to return his feelings, who is in fact just fucking him, and not even because he is interested in Stolas, but because he is using Stolas for the book. Every time Stolas tries for more he gets slapped back. He threw everything away for more of what he already had, a loveless business arrangement. He’s not shamed by the fact that Blitzø is an imp but that he ripped apart his picture perfect life for a guy who was acting distracted and ignoring him, who at times is completely turned away from him, and who is sitting across from him visibly uncomfortable at being called out as being on a date with him, and who he cannot get to agree to anything more despite his desperately trying.
Stolas’s part of the Ozzie’s episode opens with Gabriela yelling “Why won’t you LOVE ME ALEJANDRO” and then the man puts a streak in his hair to call back to it and people are still thinking it’s about status for him?
He just watched Blitzø stand up for Moxxie and Millie but when the focus turns to Stolas Blitzø cringes and makes himself small.
Lets break down what actually happens on screen because it is ALL in the visual choices made by the artists and what the song is actually about, lust being more acceptable than love because love is embarrassing and Blitzø hates to be embarrassed:
Moxxie starts singing, and after he sings “I loooove you” the shot jumps to Blitzø who CRINGES and shrinks a bit behind his menu. Publicly declaring your love for someone in public like that? Fucking Yikes. Bro.
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Blitzø stands up and defends Moxxie and Millie but not necessarily to support their love, but their sexual relationship. This says a lot about which one Blitzø thinks of as being publicly acceptable.
Fizz turns his attention to Blitzø and the entire call out is about his bad love life, not his social status, and not even necessarily his level of fame but his failures as a romantic partner and the state of his relationships. It’s interesting that the song turns to this lack of love since just a few verses previously they act as though a romantic relationship is anthema to what they are all about. As soon as Fizz starts talking about his LOVE life Blitzø looks nervously at Stolas out of the corner of his eye.
Stolas is shocked as the song starts in on Blitzø but he doesn’t leave or shrink away immediately, he makes this absolutely hysterical face when Verosika is singing.
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Blitzø does NOT like that Verosika is singing about their relationship. He crosses his arms and gets very sour pussed.
Then when Verosika starts getting more predatory, and going in on Blitzø physically, Stolas STANDS UP and looks as though he’s going to intervene.
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The Wally Whackford yells “Are you sleeping with an Imp?” And Stolas remains standing, in the spotlight for several seconds. He doesn’t even start to move away to get out of it until Asmodeus comes up into his space and the scrutiny is all on him. He still doesn’t hide his face nor does it look necessarily shamed, it looks surprised and scared with where this is going and to have the attention on him but he does not look shamed. In fact, he doesn’t react to the imp comment at all, he is just as shocked and surprised as before Wally yelled as he is after. He keeps making this same shocked and scared face the whole time. We continue to see the crowd throughout all this and the scene is from a wide shot. It’s from the main POV, which is largely Blitzø’s.
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The POV then switches to ONLY Stolas’s, we are seeing THROUGH his eyes and what HE sees is his family turning away from him and then they shove Blitzø in a chair, make him the center of Stolas’s vision and he’s left with Blitzø’s embarrassed, cringing face. The crowd, the club, everything else is painted out. From Stolas’s POV he doesn’t see or register the public, he sees and registers his family and Blitzø. They are center of his vision and the club and its patrons aren’t even present in the shot. If the issue was the social status we would have no need to remind the audience of Stella and Octavia by projecting their images and then having a sequence where they turn, walk away and burst into flames. Wally’s comment would be enough to establish it. The crowd would be visible because they would be what matters to Stolas. But it isn’t, we have to dive into Stolas’s POV, get a visual reminder of his family and see how Blitzo looks from Stolas’s POV.
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We pull back to the outside POV and Stolas sits and stares for an entire beat after the POV shift (a technique used to tell the audience THIS was how Stolas saw the situation, now we’re back to the main POV), Blitzø is still shrinking away from him and THEN after Asmodeus says “you sold your life for a thrust” is when he hides his face. Yes, I did slow down the animation to actually see the sequence shot for shot and yes, it is a sign I have lost my mind.
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But it’s important! This technique is really common in literature and media, you introduce one character’s conflict or flaw and then, to show that it contrasts with another character’s situation you jump into their POV, this is to remind the audience that there is a difference between them, that they are seeing this situation from two different places. The shots are wide for the social status implication that speaks to Blitzø’s issues with public declarations and his own self worth and we jump into Stolas’s just to remind the audience HEY, THIS IS ISNT WHAT STOLAS IS THINKING IN CASE YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE MAIN REASON THEY ARE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE, and then we just jump back to wide shots and bringing Blitzø back as the character whose flaw is being depicted.
The rest of the shots are from main POV and show Blitzo reacting to that. A deliberate contrast is set between what Stolas perceived and what Blitzø did. They present this direct visual contrast using a POV switch to show it. From Stolas’s POV he is being shamed not by the public, who didn’t factor into his POV at all, but by the loss or strain of his familial relationships and by Blitzø presenting himself completely differently when the focus is on HIS relationship with Stolas versus how he reacted to Moxxie/Millie and even Verosika.
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From Stolas’s perspective and the audiences Blitzø was relatively okay up until Verosika pushed him, then we see Stolas’s reaction to that. That’s when Blitzø’s entire demeanor changes. He wilts, he shrinks, he makes himself small. Before that he winced a little but mostly he seemed annoyed. Until it gets turned on his date with Stolas. And we see this confirmed through Stolas’s POV, that we are seeing Blitzø how Stolas is seeing him looking sheepish and unhappy right in the center of the shot.
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You sold your life for a thrust” is so important in this sequence, Blitzo just basically confirmed from his contrasting reactions and body language throughout the song that what they have is just sex, and we know from Stolas asking Asmodeus about the crystal and following up on it that he is really focusing on the transactional aspect of it and the situation he put an unwilling (at least in his mind) Blitzø in. This is just another bad arrangement like his marriage.
We don’t have onscreen confirmation, so this is more speculation but I imagine Stolas is probably comparing himself to Paimon a bit. His father purchased an unwilling imp to play with him as a child, the imp pretended to be into him to use him for the family treasure and now he’s essentially purchasing the same imp and that same imp appears to once again just be tolerating him for material gain.
Anyway, enough thoughts that depress the fuck out of me.
When we switch back to Blitzø after M&M finish their song we see the public again through their clapping and see his reaction. Now the issue at large is firmly back to the inferiority complex. Blitzø started shrinking and cringing away as soon as the famousness of his date was revealed, as soon as the crowd does exactly what he fears, comparing him to his partner and finding him lacking. Then we have Stolas reaching out, with no regard for the crowd who is back around them in the shots until the hand close up, and Blitzø shuts him down. Again. Once more we have Stolas visibly reaching out and trying to give Blitzø what Blitzø is outwardly projecting he wants (just like Stolas does with the dirty talk), and Blitzø being the one to say something annoyed or dismiss it. There is literally nothing Stolas can do to resolve this, because it’s an internal issue for Blitzø. Stolas externally declaring to every realm in hell won’t fix Blitzø needing to believe it and declare it for himself.
The conversation at Stolas’s house after reinforces everything, that Stolas is trying to do what Blitzø is projecting he wants. Blitzø appears to have an issue with their relationship being just about sex, the same person who goes out of his way to force all his non-familial relationships to be just about sex (even Moxxie and Millie, and when he turns a heartfelt reconciliation sexual with Fizz by asking to make out) and Stolas offers him multiple options for more of a romantic or comforting evening, because it’s what he wants as well, and Blitzø ignores that entirely, just outright refuses to acknowledge it. In the hospital we see Stolas tried AGAIN after Ozzie’s via text to work it out, and talk it out, but when Blitzø shuts it down again and when his initial approach didn’t work, Stolas tries just brushing it off and putting up that happy EVERYTHING IS OKAY image again.
So all this billion words and unhinged analysis to say that Stolas is not Asmodeus, he isn’t the one who needs to make the declaration, that won’t actually solve Blitzø’s problem and he already has put himself out there multiple times. Stolas is Fizz, obsessed with putting on a show.
Blitzø’s issues are internal and multiple people have tried to show him in external ways they love him and he either relates it back to sex, dismisses it entirely or physically removes himself from their lives. This is understandable considering when he does put himself out there he gets rejected, (circus audience, Barbie, his various gigs before I.M.P, Loona sometimes) or people act incredulous that someone could be with him. So the only way for him to complete this character journey is to internally reconcile and externally express.
Stolas is much more external about his issues, he tries putting on a happy face, laughing things off, trying to have a perfect day at LooLoo Land with a disinterested daughter, flirting outrageously with a disinterested partner, he wants the external situation to reflect what he feels inside but those around him don’t give that to him. He tries to have a perfect marriage, he gets a partner who throws obnoxious parties for what appears to be the chance to ridicule him publicly. He tries to have a perfect day at LooLoo Land to recapture happier times and accidentally alienates his daughter. He talks about how much he wants to bone Blitzø because that’s how Blitzø approached him and what he seems to be into in his relationships and is the only way he allows Stolas into his life at all, and in return he gets annoyed looks and insults.
“Or Is it Me?” In Look My Way makes me tear up every goddamn time because Stolas believes there is some internal problem within himself, that he cannot give Blitzø what he needs because he’s BEEN TRYING to be what Blitzø seems to want and gets nothing back no matter what approach he takes. No one will externally acknowledge him. Stolas doesn’t have an internal problem accepting his feelings and who they are for, regardless of status or consequences, he clearly says this in Look My Way and shows it before that with his over the top behavior, he needs someone from outside himself to acknowledge and reciprocate it.
So yeah, I disagree with the idea that Blitzø is the one who needs a public declaration. He might need a private one to take away his excuses but I don’t think he needs Stolas to do what Asmodeus did. What Blitzø seems to need is to be brave enough to declare his feelings for once and not shy away from the attention that comes with that. To accept himself as he is, like Stolas accepts him, and that realize he is just as worthy of love as the other people in his life. Stolas needs a declaration to validate his internal feelings, ease some of his loneliness with confirmed reciprocity and to have outwardly what he wants inwardly.
Thanks for reading if you did. I am sorry for being the way I am.
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sanyu-thewitch05 · 6 months
Text
Yandere Superhero X Villain! F! Reader
Wanna buy me a coffee: ☕
TW: Dubcon, spankings, kidnapping, bodily horror
PT.2
Your real name is Y/N L/N, but your villain name is Anima. After your latest failure in trying to find a job, you went into the woods to end it all. Then, by some miracle, an entity older than any Abrahamic religion found your dead body and brought you back to life. Your senses were heightened, and you could hear the animal's chatter and noises as words. With a new feeling of power, you went through society doing whatever you wanted. Even if it meant a few people with broken bones or blood on the floor. That was until a superhero by the name of superhero by the name of Ultimate Man appeared and started defeating you in battle.
He isn't going to be a problem anymore after you take him out with your new suit. Not only does it have the abilities and strengths of every animal alive, but it has the strengths and abilities of the extinct ones. It took kidnapping a paleontologist, but it is so worth it.
"Anima, surrender, and you won't get hurt," Ultimate Man commands, floating a few feet above the ground.
"Sorry, but rent's due," You say, running off with the bags of money from the bank.
As you run, he shoots lasers at you, but you dodge them by zigzagging. Unfortunately, this leads to you not paying attention to where you're going, and you run yourself off a harbor walk. The money sinks into the ocean, and you struggle to swim back up. You switch to the abilities of any marine animal, but it's still not helping you. You see your feet entangled in seaweed and try to break free. Your struggle to free yourself has worn you out, and it seems like this is your last run. Your vision goes black as your instincts tell you to go up to the surface and breathe.
~~~~~~~~~~
When you open your eyes, your jaw and ass feel sore. You try to talk, but there's a gag in your mouth.
"How dare you be such a bad girl and cause so much trouble? Do you have no respect for anyone in this city? Who cares if your rent is due? Get! A! Fucking! Job!" Ultimate Man rants, spanking your ass after every word.
"MM! MH! AWCH!" You scream, your legs kicking as Ultimate Man uses his godly strength to spank you.
The tight latex suit didn't help with the spankings, in fact, the material made sure your body could feel them at their full force.
"Oh, I see the worst girl of the century has awakened. How does it feel knowing you almost got yourself killed trying to steal money?" Ultimate Man asks, taking off your gag.
His blonde hair with light blue highlights, aquamarine eyes, and skin-tight latex white and blue suit is a sight for the eyes. His appearance is ethereal, representing his alien origin from outer space sent to help out Earth on its newest supernatural threat(you.) Who knew having the power of every animal in existence would warrant alien help for the planet Earth?
"I'm sorry, Ultimate Man. I was only trying to pay my rent. Honest," You plead, bracing for another swat to the ass. "I didn't get the raise at my job, even though I deserve it, and I couldn't pay this month's rent."
"I believe you," Ultimate Man says, his hand still rubbing your ass. "But that doesn't mean I forgive you for what you did. I was so worried when you didn't rise from the water. I thought I lost you forever. I need a suitable mate, and you're the only one with abilities almost equal to mine on this planet."
"I'm sorry, WHAT?! I thought you were in a relationship with that news writer, Lora?" You ask, lifting your head.
"Are you kidding me? We're just friends. She couldn't compare to your beauty and strength. Now then, how about we get to know each other."
Ultimate Man peels off your eye mask, then takes out his contacts. There are no pupils in his eyes, just pools of aquamarine. It creeps you out, but at least he's still hot.
"I'm ☍⍀⍜⎍☍⟒⋏ ⏃⏃⍀☍⟒⋔. But you can call me Krouken Aarkem, which is pronounced Cro-oo-can Ar-kem. My human father calls me Ken. Now, what's your name?" Ultimate Man asks, lifting your body with ease.
"It's Marnie," You lie, not wanting to give him your real name.
His fingertips glow blue, and he places them on your head. Pain takes over your head as he searches through the deepest parts of your memory.
"Y/N M/N L/N. What a beautiful name. I'll make sure to bring over your cat so you can have your baby," Krouken says, removing his hands from you.
You slap him and stumble to the other side of the couch.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" You groan, holding your head.
"What did I do wrong? Please don't be mad at me!" Krouken cries, jumping onto your body and hugging you tightly. "I'll never do it again unless you want me to! I promise! Just don't be mad at me!"
"Alright! Alright! I'm not mad at you! Just get off of me!" You yell, pushing him off you after feeling his boner on your leg.
"Yay! Now, we can engage in the Plutonian ritual we call Improving."
Krouken starts taking off his suit, revealing his naked body to you. You back up but bump into the couch, leaving you nowhere to run. He touches your suit, liquifying the material and making it fall off your body like water. Krouken kisses you, his hand tracing every part of your body as if he were memorizing it.
"Your heart is beating fast? Do you want to fight me?" Krouken asks his hand on your chest.
"No. It's just something the human body does when we feel certain emotions," You explain, holding Krouken's hand.
"So you are excited to Improve too? Excellent, I can move forward," Krouken replies, his two dicks merging into one with the width of an adult's fist.
Your eyes widen in fear of the inhuman cock in front of you. There was no way it was going to fit. It was too wide to fit in your human pussy. If it were to go inside you, you'd feel it in your lungs.
"Wait, I think we should-" You plead, only for Krouken to shove his massive cock inside of you.
You can feel it moving inside as if his dick was made from thousands of little suction cups that were kissing your vaginal walls. Krouken's arm holds you in place, and he thrusts.
"Keep going, Krouken!" You moan, lifting your leg and putting it on his shoulder.
Krouken bites and sucks your nipples as he thrusts faster, his dick suction cups losing their grip and becoming more slippery.
"You're never going to be a bad girl ever again. I'm going to fill your stomach up with so many babies that you'll never be able to think of doing stupid shit without having trouble standing up. You're going to birth the next generation of my people. You're mine, all mine. Not those villain's colleague or someone else's enemy, mine," Krouken rambles, thrusting at an inhuman rate, destroying whatever tightness your pussy had.
His eyes become white as he cums, his alien cock suction cups releasing thousands of sperm. Upon his sperm's release, his genital suction cups regained their grip on your walls, and sucking on them, making you go into overdrive. You cum on his dick, and he shudders. Both of you relish in your afterglow, sweat dripping from your body.
"So, what did you think of Improving?" Krouken asks, his head resting on your breasts.
"It was good. By the way, why do your people call it that?" You ask, rubbing Krouken's wet hair.
"Because we improve each other's bodies. Once my seed is in you, it will rework some human DNA so you'll be more like me and vice versa. Your skin is already starting to become shiny and ethereal like my skin," Krouken answers, kissing your neck.
Your body feels extremely hot, like lava is in your veins, and your eyes are burning like no tomorrow. Your spine releases a horrifying crack as your body involuntarily jolts upwards. All you can do is scream as your bones and body transform permanently.
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soup-spoonn · 1 month
Text
The weight of the world
Pt. 2
Pt. 1
kind of a long part 😭 mb yall
@boohoobeach @medusas-graveyard @catostrofiqu @dandey-lion
“B has been saying that the GIW might come to Gotham.”
Danny didn’t say a word, but just stared at Dick with a terrified look on his face.
“He told me not to tell you, that’s why he called a JL meeting, but I can’t just leave you out of the loop.”
“When?” He choked out, still terrified.
“We don’t know, but…” Dick paused, “they really want-“
“It’s my parents… they’re the ones leading the GIW to me.”
Dick looked startled at that confession, then just asked, “why?”
“I- I don’t know… I didn’t know- I-“ he started hyperventilating, and Dick didn’t say anything, and just wrapped him up in a hug as Danny cried.
“I don’t wanna see them again…” he said between sobs.
“You won’t.” Dick promised kindly
-
“You told him?!” Bruce said angrily, “I told you not to!”
“I wasn’t gonna leave him out of the loop! Do you want him to get hurt? He deserves to know, he’s family! If you were left unaware of something important about your safety, that would break your trust wouldn’t it?!” Dick ranted, angry at his father for asking him to lie to his little brother.
“Yes, but he’s too young, and he already has too much on his plate, we can’t worry him more!”
“He’s almost sixteen! We don’t need to baby him! We just need to be here for him! Help him with his responsibilities, not act like he's a baby, he’s so mature!”
Bruce sat for a moment, thinking, “you’re right, Dick, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not the one you need to apologize to.”
-
Danny sat on the edge of his bed, pondering his next move, tapping his foot nervously.
If they find me, they find my family.
I can’t let them find my family.
Am I gonna have to run away again? I haven’t been legally adopted, so it should be easy enough.
Danny figured that if he could escape at night, he’d be able to go to Metropolis to ask Superman for help.
-
Poor Danny, he’s probably so scared right now. I knows I would be.
Clark let out a sigh, and stood up from his chair, shutting off his computer and closing his office door softly.
I should go above Gotham again, maybe Danny will be there.
-
It was dark out, and Danny decided he would go stargazing again, see if he could have a conversation with Superman.
He opened his window, leaving his phone on his bed, and went ghost, then flew above Gotham to his usual spot.
He sat for five minutes, until he felt a sudden presence to his right.
“Hey Danny, I heard about what happened.”
“I’m gonna run away.” Danny replied abruptly.
“What- why?” Superman asked, panicked
“You know…” Danny paused, “they’re gonna find me. I was thinking about leaving… possibly going to Metropolis.”
“That sounds like a smart plan, but you do know that Batman isn’t gonna be okay with that, right?”
“Uhm, yeah… I’m not telling anyone about it, except you. I trust you, more than anyone I ever have. I just feel a connection to you, maybe it’s that you’re Kryptonian, but I don’t know. My core feels… safe around you. Like a father.”
Superman felt flattered, happy he made Danny feel safe, “you shouldn’t leave your family. They’ll worry. They love you, you know.”
“I know, and I love them too, that’s why I have to leave. The GIW could cause them trouble if they find me. I don’t want them getting hurt.”
“Danny-“
“I know, I know, it’s not my fault or something.” Danny interrupted, “it is my fault though, if I only hadn’t told my p- them about my… condition, none of this would have happened… I’m gonna go now.”
“Bye, Danny.”
“Bye.”
-
“Danny!”
He jumped as Dick slammed open the door, looking rushed.
“Yeah, what’s up?” Danny asked, looking up from the book Jason gave him.
“You need to start answering your phone!”
“Oh. Sorry,” he replied awkwardly.
Danny picked up his phone, scrolling through the notifications from Dick.
Geeze.
“I called you like ten times!” Dick said dramatically, “you scared me!”
“I’m sorry, I went on a walk again, I just got back.”
“Danny, I don’t know if you should do that anymore.” Dick said seriously.
“But-“
“No buts.”
“I can protect myself-“
“I know that, but you should only go on walks if someone’s with you, for your safety. I’ll go with you-“
“I’m not actually going on walks.”
“What? Danny, what do you do then?”
“I go to look at the stars.”
“Wh- why would you lie about that?”
“I don’t know, the stars are like my sanctuary, you know? Or like, uhm.” He paused, pondering his next words, “when you have a long day, you like to lay in bed and fall asleep, right?” Dick nodded, “well for me, I still do need sleep, but the stars are rejuvenating for me. It’s my ghostly obsession, so I need this, you know? And anyway, Superman joins me most of the time, so if anything happens I’ll have some help.”
“Superman?” Dick asked, perplexed.
“Yeah… he listens, and gives advice. He’s helped me a lot.” Danny replied with a smile.
“Well, I didn’t expect that friendship to exist, alright then. But you still need to be careful, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”
“You’re fine, I don’t mind.” He said, returning to his book.
-
THATS A WRAP FOR PART TWO!!
seriously this took me way longer than it should’ve, sorry about that 😅
lmk how yall feel about it please :D
also i’m probably not gonna tag more than four people, I don’t wanna take up too much space with it
Edit: i came up with a name :D
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gallavichsreddie1128 · 5 months
Text
Obsessed with Homelander
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Y/N wanted to fuck Homelander so bad, it was pathetic. The others were very confused on why anyone would wanna fuck him, given the things he’s done and how he acts. Did Y/N even know the things he’s done? They wouldn’t put it past her given how dumb she was at times. 
There was a meeting that the seven were having that was kind of important. It was about the Supe Terrorists and how they needed to stop em’. Homelander was ranting on about it and Y/N just stared at him like he was the whole world to her. He was to her and himself. “You’re so beautiful.” She accidentally blurted out. She looked around and the others stared at her with a weird look. “When I’m talking, no one else is to be.” He said with anger. “Sorry, Daddy.” She said and looked down at her lap. The others’ weird looks didn’t go away. Homelander looked at the girl with wide eyes. 
Y/N would constantly bring him gifts. (Food, Milk) She knew that he had a milk obsession but it wasn’t because she stalked him…or anything. She handed him the gallon of Milk with a smile. He took it from her, very confused on how she knew that he loved Milk. She leaned down and whispered in his ear. “You know..If you make me a mommy you could have milk anytime you wanted.” His face got so red after that. He hated that she would say stuff like that to him before meetings. 
On Halloween Y/N would dress up like him, just to impress him. Though she went the more skankier route. She had a very sexy two piece with a cape, boots and gloves. It was his exact outfit, just a slutty version. His jaw dropped as he saw her walking around Vought like that. She wasn’t in her costume but was in one that resembled his. She walked up to him. “You know..If you fuck me right now, you’d basically be fucking yourself just as a woman.” She winked. 
Starlight and Maeve tried telling her that Homelander was dangerous and that she did in fact not want to fuck him. It wasn’t a good idea. She didn’t listen and ended up sending him pictures of herself nude just to see if that would get his attention. He did but it also made everything a lot worse. “Y/N i’m flattered that you have an obsession with me, really I am. But you can’t send me nude pictures of yourself and whisper dirty things in my ear.” He would tell her. He lied to her and told her he doesn’t fuck other members of the seven. She said she would leave but he told her No.
Stormfront came along and Y/N realized that he was lying to her. She felt hurt and sad that he couldn’t just tell her No but lie to her instead. What did Stormfront have that she didn’t? Stormfront knew that Y/N had an obsession with him, thanks to Homelander and always had to tease her or show off the fact that Homelander wanted her more. Y/N watched as Stormfront would kiss him and basically fuck him right infront of her. She would just storm away, mad. Stormfront would smirk.
Homelander noticed that Y/N was quiet during meetings and didn’t hit on him. He was confused and definitely missed it. She barely even looked at him which annoyed him. He realized that he liked having her all over him and hated that she wasn’t. He would roll his eyes anytime StormFront tried to rub whatever they had in her face. “Stop doing that.” He would tell her. “The poor girl gets it.” StormFront was offended. “What, Do you like her or something?” StormFront asked him. He didn’t answer her, causing her to go away. 
When all the nazi shit about StormFront came out and the girls teamed up on her, Y/N really kicked her ass. She didn’t like the bitch from the start. Homelander saw that Y/N was using all her powers and abilities on StormFront. She really didn’t hold back. “You got some nerve.” He growled at her. She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh my god Homelander, I’m right here waiting for you, always have been. You don’t need that Nazi loving skank. I’ve been here the whole time.” She would yell back at him. 
His hips pounded into hers, not caring who walked in. She was so loud, her moans and whines were so loud but he loved it. His name fell off her lips over and over again. “I’ve waited so long for this moment.” She whined. “Just to have you inside of me.” He could cum at what she was saying to him. Having someone actually obsessed with him and want him in every way shape or form was great. He was moaning himself at her tight pussy squeezing him. “I love the way you treat me like i’m your world. It’s so hot.” He whined. “You are my world, John. Always have been, always will be.” She moaned. Her calling him by his real name was so hot and making him twitch. “I want you to cum for me John. I want you to fill me up and make me carry your baby.” She managed to say to him. He whined and groaned as he came. She came right after, moaning his name. “Just so you know, you’re mine now.” He whispered in her ear. “I’ve always been yours, John.”
290 notes · View notes
lovebugism · 10 months
Note
punchy x steve with "Why aren't we making out yet? We're 5 minutes into an argument, 5 minutes! Goodness."
thank u for requesting! :D — steve gets angry with you sometimes, but he'll never turn down an opportunity to kiss you (punchy/steve universe, angst-ish, mostly fluff, 0.8k)
blurbcember ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
He’s so cute.
Yeah, he’s mad at you and everything, but you can’t get over how adorable he looks.
His scruffy jaw is clenched tight, and there’s a subtle furrow between his bushy brows, and his pink lips are gently pouted. His honey eyes are twinkling too — with anger, maybe, but they’re twinkling at you nonetheless.
With his sweatshirt pushed up to his elbows and his hands on his hips, how are you supposed to do anything but melt for him?
“Okay, Steve,” you huff, interjecting his longwinded rant. You cross your arms over your chest and sink further into the couch while he paces ahead of you. “I know you’re pissed at me, but—”
“Oh, that doesn’t even start to describe it,” he scoffs. His laugh verges on bitter.
“I know that.”
“I mean— I have no words.”
“Is that why you haven’t stopped bitching at me since we got home?”
He stops his pacing to gape at you. “Bitching at you?” he repeats with an incredulous gape on his pretty face. “Seriously? That’s what you think this is?”
You sigh at yourself and drop your head to the back of the couch. You don’t know how to stop saying the wrong thing. You just want him to be upset with you and be done with it, ‘cause if he doesn’t kiss you stupid soon, you’re scared you might die.
“I didn’t do anything wrong— I don’t know what you want from me!”
His brows pinch together. His pretty face swirls with hurt. 
You shrink under the suffocating weight of his obvious heartache. 
“This stuff is really important to me, babe,” Steve tells you softly, voice light and nearly breaking. “And it’s like you’re just shitting all over it.”
“Well, I’m sorry I don’t wanna spend my Friday night with everyone who bullied me in high school.”
“Oh, don’t play that card,” he scoffs bitterly. 
You feel the weight of his words in your chest. Like he’s taken your heart between his fingers and squeezed all the life out of it. You try not to let it hurt you. His insensitivity isn’t your fault. 
“This isn’t about them, alright? It’s a big deal for me, but you’re deciding your pride is more important.”
You huff like a dramatic teenager.
Steve laughs in response, but there’s little emotion behind it. “What? Am I annoying you now?”
“Can you just kiss me?” you blurt before you mean to.
He falters. Your plea comes out of left field, makes him forget to be angry at you for a blink of a second. “...What?”
“You can keep yelling at me after, I promise. I just wanna kiss,” you confess, features soft and squishy around the edges — filled with adoration. Your eyes sparkle when they blink up at him, with the hope that he might give in and give you the loving you need.
Steve still wants to be mad at you. He’s too stubborn for anything else. You make it real hard, but he tries to be proud about it anyway. “Why?” he presses and crosses two golden arms over his chest.
“‘Cause we’ve been arguing for five whole minutes, and we aren’t making it out yet,” you answer, voice as soft and sheepish as a child’s. You pick at the fuzz of your sweater and try hard to meet his gaze. “I think it’s gotta be some kinda record at this point.”
Steve doesn’t know how to do anything but be obsessed with you. From the arches of your eyelids, to the base of your neck, to the pudge of your tummy, to the chipped polish on your toes. Your beauty bewitches him. Surely, you must be some kind of witch.
“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that?”
You beam up at him, smiling so hard that it makes it hard to kiss him back. He leans down and props his weight on two hands along the back of the couch, one on either side of you. You tilt your head back in wait for his mouth. 
Steve gives you one fleeting peck — a subtle smacking of his lips to yours that he plans to tease you with after. He’ll pull back, and you’ll pout about it. “One more, Stevie, pleaseee?” you’ll drag out in that pretty voice of yours. And he’ll give you one, but only after hearing you beg a little bit more.
He ends up being the needier one, which maybe shouldn’t surprise him. One peck quickly turns into another. Then a third, lingering and languid thing after he hopelessly melts into you.
You’re the one that ultimately pulls back, lips shining and obviously well-kissed. His knees shake when you smile at him. “Okay. You can go back to being mad at me now.”
Steve shakes his head immediately. 
His tongue darts out to swipe along his rosy bottom lip. His eyes dart from your glimmering gaze to your rose-petaled mouth. “I can be mad at you later,” he insists, the warm breath of his softly spoken words brushing your chin. “Now, I just wanna kiss the life outta you.”
712 notes · View notes
nichuuu · 1 year
Text
Where Our Blue Is
(青のすみか)
Tumblr media
Word count: 13k+
Even now the blue lives Even now the blue is clear I’ve got a curse for you stuck at the back of my throat. It’s the unvoiced voice that says, “We’ll meet again, right?”
-
“You ever think about dying sometimes?” 
You raised your head from your Jujutsu Kaisen volume to stare at Rei. Her head was tilted up, eyes on the stars that were visible from under the tree. 
“Why do you always ask these pessimistic questions?” you couldn’t help but ask. She gave you side eye. 
“I think that’s just the way you choose to view my questions,” she replied.
“That is a horrible opinion…” 
“And this is coming from the guy reading manga at 10pm?”
You shut the book and sighed. 
“I don’t get to read much at home Rei…”
“And that’s my problem because?”
Your lips formed a thin line. You smacked her with your book. She yelped. 
“Hey!” she chided.
“Cry me a river,” you replied. 
Rei pouted and crossed her arms. “So this is what I get for trying to initiate conversation.”
“Who starts a conversion by talking about death?” you questioned.
“Me. Duh,” she retorted. 
“I think you need to polish your social skills,” you suggested. 
She snatched your book away from you. “And I think that you should stop engaging in bitchless behaviour!”
You clicked your tongue and snatched your book right back. 
“Let me be Rei,” you muttered.
Rei’s haughty expression softened. 
“H-Hey… I-I didn’t mean to piss you off…” she apologised. You waved it off.
“I’m not angry… Just tired,” you told her truthfully. The back of your head rested against the coarse bark of the tree. She shifted herself closer to you. 
“You okay?” she asked you. You nodded.
“I’m fine…” you assured her, “sorry for being so grumpy.”
“It’s fine,” she brushed it off, “we all have our bad days.”
Cicadas chirped in the distance. The lamp hanging from the nail that you’d hammered into the tree illuminated the space around you, the light swaying in the summer breeze. Rei yawned next to you. 
“You wanna know something?” she asked. 
“What?”
She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her face on them. 
“I wanna be an idol.”
You raised your eyebrows. 
“Sounds fun… But—”
“Not a Japanese idol,” she interjected, “I wanna be one of those Kpop stars…”
She piqued your interest. Rei would have these moments where she’d randomly rant about what she wanted to do in the future. One moment she dreamed of being a teacher, the next a Physicist… Being flippant about her future was her specialty.
“Kpop huh?” you mused, “listening to all that Red Velvet finally got to you didn’t it?”
Rei shot you a glare. “I know you’re grumpy, but could you not insult me for like five seconds?”
You raised your hands in surrender. She continued. 
“Just imagine it… Naoi Rei, the next biggest sensation!” she sighed, “I’ll be all over the internet… Those bullies would google my name and regret messing with me… God, it's such a dream…”
You chuckled. Your fingers drummed against the cover of your book. 
“Sounds like fun,” you remarked, “but I heard that the Korean Idols live tough lives.”
She pouted. “Are you saying I can’t take it?”
“I’m not saying anything,” you clarified, “I’m just… Cautioning you…”
She sat up straight. 
“Mark my words,” she declared, pumping her fist into the air. “I will become a star!”
You smiled. She was clearly delusional, but you entertained her. 
“I’ll hold you to that,” you joked. Rei let her hand drop back to her sides. 
“Wanna bet on it?” she wagered. 
“Sure. What are we betting?” 
She sat up straight.
“If I become a Kpop idol… You buy me lunch for a week,” she decided. 
“Deal,” you agreed, “but if you don’t… You buy me a box of these babies.”
You lifted your manga and wiggled it in the air. She laughed.
“Oh you’re on,” she readily accepted, “I’m so ready to burn a hole in your wallet!”
“Same here,” you grinned. Rei stuck out her hand. 
“We shake on it.”
You rolled your eyes and gave her what she wanted. Satisfied, she stood and stretched. You didn’t get up cause you knew that she’d sit back down just a few minutes later. 
“Hey,” she called, “if either of us makes it big in the future… Let’s promise not to forget each other.”
You looked up at her, watching her hair reflect the light from the lamp under the veil of the dark blue night sky. 
“I can get behind that…” you smiled. Rei giggled.
Her eyes reflected the blue of the night sky.
(That was when you were thirteen. She was Naoi Rei—your neighbour and best friend.)
“Hey.” 
You raised your head, blinking rapidly as you adjusted to the light assaulting your eyes. Sleeping in class was never a good idea, yet you persistently indulged in it. Rei waved a paper in front of your face, a gleam in her eyes.
“I secured an audition!” she squealed. 
“Oh… Nice.”
She pouted.
“You could at least be a little more enthusiastic,” she remarked.
“What’s there to be enthusiastic about when I have Math as my first period?” you grunted.
“Aw come on… Just one compliment?” 
You sighed.
“Fine… Great job Rei,” you relented. She seemed satisfied. 
Rei slid into her seat next to you, plopping her bag down on the floor with a loud thump. She took out her books, neatly stacking them on her table and laying her acceptance letter atop of the stack.
“I applied to four other agencies. I think I’ll hear from them soon.”
“Sounds cool.”
“I know right? I can’t wait to see their headquarters!” she exclaimed, “I’ll finally get to explore outside Nagoya! Doesn’t that sound fun?”
“Very…” you muttered, slowly drifting back into sleep. 
Rei slapped the nape of your neck. “Reciprocate the excitement dammit!”
“Okay, okay! Happy! Yay!” you quickly spouted. Rei snorted.
“I always have to force these reactions out of you… Talk about a one-sided friendship…”
A hand grabbed the letter atop of Rei’s books. With a yank, textbooks and notebooks came tumbling down as the hand withdrew. Your head snapped up. 
“Wow Rei… I didn’t know they accepted ugly ducklings as trainees,” Riko sneered. She was the school’s “it” girl. Gucci glasses, an apple watch, horrible personality and a voice that could possibly shatter glass. To you, she was the epitome of the word “bitch”, a spitting image of Hiter’s missing testicle.
“Give that back Riko,” Rei huffed, throwing a hand out to snatch the paper back. The bully stepped back. 
“I think I’ll keep this actually…” Riko snorted, “hope you memorised the details of your audition Naoi Rei.”
Rei stood up.
“Give. It. Back,” she ordered through gritted teeth.
“Fuck you. You don’t deserve to be an idol,” Riko scowled, “ugly ducks like you would give people nightmares if they saw you on camera!”
The class erupted into laughter, you’d never realised that they’d been watching. You glanced at Rei. Her hands were clenched into fists, her knuckles slowly turning white.
“Get a load of this,” Riko taunted, pointing at a line on the letter, “we find that you have exceptional qualities and possess a unique personality!”
Riko tore her eyes away from the sheet of paper. “Do you feel better about yourself after reading this? All these lies making you feel good about yourself?” 
Rei’s whole body was shaking. She was about to make Riko catch her hands. You had enough. The legs of your chair dragged against the floor as you stood up. 
“Riko… Do me a favour and shut the fuck up,” you muttered. 
She gave you a look of amusement. 
“Wow! Such a hero,” she remarked causticaly, “do you get off following this bitch around like a dog?” 
You turned and strode right up to her. With as much disdain as you could muster, you looked her in the eye and scoffed. 
“Do you feel better about yourself spouting all this bullshit?” you questioned her, “does it really help you sleep at night knowing that you’re just some petty bitch that gets off on insulting others?”
You snatched the paper away from her.
“Hey!” she barked, lunging at you. You took a step back, relishing the look on her face as she lost her footing and fell. Her cronies rushed to get her back on her feet.
“Grow up. Go do something productive with daddy’s money. You’ll feel better about yourself that way.”
You walked back to your seat and settled back down. There was pin drop silence in the classroom. All eyes were on you and Riko. 
“Little shit…” Riko growled, “I’ll have—”
The sound of your homeroom teacher’s heels clacking against the floor alerted the whole room. Students scurried back to their seats, everyone pretending to bury their heads in their books. Riko shot you a dirty glare before storming back to her place.
“Bitch,” you mumbled, pulling in your chair and adjusting your uniform. 
You placed the letter on your desk and smoothed out the wrinkles on the snow white paper. Once satisfied, you slid it back over to Rei. 
“Get a folder for it,” you advised her, “it won’t crumple so easily if you have something to protect it.”
Rei stared at the letter. As you unzipped your pencil case, you could see from the corner of your eye that a smile was slowly creeping up her face. As homeroom started, Rei scribbled out something onto a scrap piece of paper. With tender hands, she slid the message onto your desk. 
Thank you. 
You stared at her pretty handwriting, a small smirk on your face. You flipped the paper over and wrote a reply. 
You can repay me with a fancy dinner once you become an idol.
Rei read your message and chuckled. With her eyes reflecting the blue in your uniform, she nodded and folded up the paper.
(That was when you were fourteen. She was Naoi Rei—your best friend, neighbour and an aspiring star.)
Rei slammed her locker shut as you approached. 
“Hey,” you waved, “how did the audition go?” 
Rei closed her eyes and sighed. 
“Rejected… Again,” she muttered. You let out a breath and patted her on the back. 
“Damn…” you huffed, “you okay?”
Rei opened her eyes. She smiled, an optimistic glow on her face. Her eyes reflected the blue of the locker.
“Yep,” she declared, “there will be more chances. I’m sure of it!”
You had always admired her drive. 
“I like your thinking,” you told her, opening your own locker to retrieve your things.
“It’s the only way to think,” she replied.
“Preach,” you chuckled. 
Rei giggled and leaned against the lockers. 
“Have you found anyone for the dance?” she inquired.
“Nope…” you sighed, pulling the last book out. “I think I just might go alone.”
You closed your locker. 
“What about you?” you asked in return, “heard you turned down Suguru…”
“Mhm.”
“Why?” 
Rei pouted.
“I don’t like his vibes,” she said bluntly, “besides… I think Nakamura Kazuha has been eyeing him rather keenly. I won’t get in that sweet girl’s way.”
She pushed off the lockers and stood up straight. 
“I don’t get it Rei,” you said, walking next to her as you made your way to class. “You’re getting asked out by all the popular and hot guys, but you turn all of them down.”
“What’s so wrong about that?” she refuted, “why should I go to the dance with someone just because they're hot or popular? It doesn’t make sense to me.”
You climbed up a flight of stairs.
“Well personally… I would jump at a chance to go to the dance with a hot and popular guy if I was a girl,” you expressed. 
“But we’re polar opposites,” she reminded you, “you and I are different. That’s our curse.”
You furrowed your brows. “Curse?” 
Rei shrugged. 
“I dunno… I guess it curses us to always be drawn to each other.”
You reached your floor.
“Ever so poetic Naoi-san,” you told her. 
 She grinned. “I top the cohort in literature for a reason.”
You walked with her to her class. Your classes were adjacent to each other, allowing the both of you to hold a conversation before separating.
“So who are you gonna ask to the dance then?” you couldn’t help but inquire. 
“I won’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
She smirked. 
“It’ll ruin the surprise…” 
She left you with that, quickly breaking away to slip into her classroom door. 
“Oi! Rei!” you called after her. She flipped you off through the crack of the sliding door. With a sigh, you were left to ponder on your own as you slinked into your own class. You plopped your books down on your table and hung your bag off the side of your desk. The classroom was noisy as per usual, the incessant chatter of Junior Highschoolers filling your ears. In your stack of books, you located the newest volume of Jujutsu Kaisen that Rei had kindly purchased for you. The cover was still on, Nanami’s face staring right at you as you folded your legs on your chair. 
You peeled off the plastic cover with care, gingerly sliding out the volume like you were handling a newborn child. The smell of fresh pages wafted into your nose, a smile turning up the corners of your lips as you flipped the book open to the first page.
That’s when the envelope slipped out onto your lap. It was light blue, your name scribbled across the cover with a brush marker. An onigiri sticker kept the flap of the envelope sealed. 
Casting surreptitious glances around you, you made sure that no one could see the envelope. After double-checking to ensure that the coast was clear, you unsealed the envelope and pulled out the folded letter within. It smelt just like a new book, the paper crisp to the touch. You unfolded the sheet of paper. 
I like you. Go to the dance with me. 
You almost dropped it. For a good long minute, you sat at your seat, stunned. 
“Yo yo yo! Watchya got there?” your friend chirped, throwing a hand over your shoulder. It took him a few seconds to read the note, and you could feel his eyes widen. 
“Wait… Is this actually…” he muttered. You swallowed. 
“I… I think so…” you whispered. 
It wasn’t the content of the letter that shocked you. Yes, it was the first confession letter you’d ever received, but the sudden reveal of feelings towards you wasn’t what made you flinch. For at the bottom of the page, a familiar handwriting had left its mark. It was an art piece really, but you never ever admired the hooks and curves of her handwriting more than you did that day.
Love, Rei.
Just like that, Rei had made the first move.
(That was when you were fifteen. She was Naoi Rei—your best friend, neighbour, aspiring star… And the first girl to ever ask you out.)
“Yo.”
You opened your eyes. Rei stared down at you, a glint in her eyes. “How long have you been sleeping up here?” 
You sat up and answered her with a lazy yawn. “I’d say ten minutes tops.”
Rei chuckled and settled down next to you.
“I think you should consider sleeping earlier,” she advised. 
You scoffed.
“It’s summer Rei, let me catch a break,” you grunted. She punched you in the shoulder.
“Don’t be grumpy because I’m caring for you.”
“Who said I was grumpy?”
She grinned. “Me.”
You loved the way her nose scrunched when you tickled her. You collapsed onto the mat with her, assaulting the flesh of her body with a barrage of tickles as she giggled and squirmed. 
“Stop!” she wheezed, dodging your nimble fingers that darted in all directions.
“I’ll stop when I want to,” you sneered. 
On the rooftop of your apartment, you tickled Naoi Rei endlessly under the blue summer sky. 
Eventually, you both got tired. With laboured breaths, you both laid on your backs and watched the white clouds dot the sea of endless blue before your eyes. It was a moment of peace, tranquillity… 
“Did you get any news from that agency?” you asked her. Rei let out one of those heavy sighs.
“Yep…” she answered. Her tone told you everything you needed to know. You wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. 
“It’s okay Rei… There’s always other opportunities,” you assured her, “an agency will accept you. I’m sure of it.”
Rei sighed and rolled onto her side. She buried her face into the crook of your neck, her breath tingling your skin. 
“I hope you’re right,” she muttered, “I’m starting to lose hope.”
“Don’t say that,” you frowned, “stay positive Rei… You’ll have your chance to shine.”
She pulled away—just a little so that she could look into your eyes. Here eyes reflected the blue of the summer sky.
“We’re always so different in thought huh?” she pondered. You smiled.
“That’s our curse…”
Rei chuckled and closed her eyes. Your lips met with hers, bodies melting into each other under the clear blue sky. The only thing either of you could hear was the sound of each other's breathing.
(That was when you were sixteen. She was Naoi Rei—your best friend, your neighbour, an aspiring star, the first girl to ask you out and the first girl you ever loved.)
Knock knock knock.
“Coming,” you grunted, getting up from the comfort of your sofa. You set your Jujutsu Kaisen volume down, leaving Sukuna to stare at the ceiling as you shuffled over to the door. When you opened it, she was standing there. Tears ran down her cheeks. She had a letter in her left hand, the paper scrunching under the force of her grip. 
“Rei?”
Her puffy eyes met yours. In the pool of her tears, you could see the blue of her sorrow.
“They rejected me…” she rasped, “they fucking rejected me…”
You stared at the paper in her hands. Your heart twisted.
“Rei—”
“Am I not pretty enough? Am I not doing enough? Am I not likeable? Is my personality all wrong?”
Her fingers were beginning to punch holes in the letter. 
“What’s wrong with me?” 
She looked at you, searching for an answer. You pulled her into your arms. 
“Nothing’s wrong with you duckling… Nothing’s wrong with you…”
She stood there for a moment, her ragged breathing filling your ears. 
Then she buried her head into your chest and cried. Heart wrenching sobs were torn from her being, the last remnants of her dream spilling out together with her wails and screams. You held on to her as tight as you could, fighting back the tears in your eyes as your girlfriend’s dream died before your very eyes.
You held for as long as she needed to be held for. She needed comfort.
(That was when you were seventeen. She was Naoi Rei—your best friend, your neighbour, the first girl to ask you out, your girlfriend of a year, and the victim of a crushed dream.)
“What… What do you mean?” 
Rei stood before you. Long had the gleam disappeared from her eyes, replaced by a soulless expression that remained unreadable. 
“You heard me… Let’s break up.”
Under the blue neon light of the convenience store, Rei looked you in the eye.
“I… I don’t see the point in staying together… We should go our separate ways,” she said, her voice devoid of any sort of emotion. 
“W-What? B-But… Why?” you asked, “d-did I do something wrong? W-Why are you suddenly doing this?”
You took a step toward her. She took two steps back. You stopped. She stopped.
“We’re… We’re different. That’s our curse…” she whispered. 
“H-Haven't we always said that’s a good thing?”
She looked away for a moment, slowly constructing her sentences in her head.
“As different people… I think we should lead our different lives…” She said, sliding her hands into her pockets.  “So yea… Let’s break up.”
“S-So… That's it?” you stammered, “could we at least talk about it?”
Rei chuckled. 
“I think it’s better for us to leave things this way,” she objected, “no hard feelings… it’s just that… You’re the easiest thing to let go of right now.”
She sighed and bit her lip. 
“That’s all from me,” she announced, “I… I hope you find someone that makes you happy.”
Under the blue of the neon light, through the blur of tears, you watched her turn and walk away from you. You tried calling her name, though it came out more as a strained cry.
She didn’t look back. You weren’t sure why you expected her to.
The curse that drew you together now pushed her away from you.
(That was when you were nineteen. She was Naoi Rei… 
And she had shattered your heart.)
Now as she sat before you in a posh omakase restaurant, rummaging through her bag to look for a file, everything she was to you came rushing back in a flurry of memories and emotions. As she set the file down, she kept her eyes on the table as she slid it over to your boss. 
“Thank you,” your boss smiled, flipping open the brown folder to review its contents. You were with her on another one of those client meetups, discussing the nitty gritty details of an event organised by your company's clients. It was set to take place in Shibuya two months from now. There was much to do, much to think of… It was all so fast paced. 
But when Rei walked in behind her boss and you met each other's gaze, everything seemed to come to a standstill. Years after she’d left you in front of the convenience store, she was back right in front of you. 
“It seems like your business has a good idea on what it wants to convey,” your boss mused, flipping through reports and various mock-ups of the venue. 
“Of course. This is a big event after all,” Rei’s boss replied. Your boss nodded and handed you the file. 
“Take a look. Feel free to give feedback,” she instructed. You nodded and accepted the file. 
“Rei here spent lots of time compiling and producing these,” her boss praised. “I can see the effort. Your work has my respect Naoi-san,” your boss complimented. 
“Thank you…” you heard her mutter. Her voice had changed a lot. 
You finished reading through the file as the first course arrived. 
“What do you think?” your boss asked. You set the file down on your right.
“I believe that the plan is… Feasible,” you nodded, “though I have to raise the fact that the logistics exceed the agreed budget by a significant amount…”
“We can always handle that,” your boss assured you, “money isn’t that big of an issue…”
You wanted to argue, but your boss shot you a look. You sighed and caved to her wishes. 
“Very well then… Is it safe to say that this event will take place on the date agreed upon?” Rei’s boss inquired.
“Yes,” your boss answered before you could input. She lifted her sake glass. “Let us toast to a successful project!” 
Glasses were raised, clinking filled the room. As you drank from your cup, you caught Rei’s gaze. 
Her eyes reflected the blue of your shirt. 
***
“You will probably have to go back yourself,” your boss told you. 
“I understand,” you promptly replied, “I will settle my own transport.”
She adjusted the golden earrings dangling from her earlobes.
“Try and make some friends,” she advised, “these types of events are the best way to make connections.”
The elevator door opened, the vastness of the grand ballroom revealing itself to you as you stepped out the doors. You adjusted your suit subconsciously, fiddling with the top button of your jacket. From across the room, Rei’s boss spotted the both of you. He said something to the guests he had been talking to, then brisk walked through the crowd towards the both of you. 
“Thank you for coming!” he beamed, “we’re so glad to have you here!”
“Thank you for inviting us,” your boss answered on your behalf. 
A week had passed since you had that meeting in the omakase restaurant. Work had been hectic for you and your team, but you managed to pull through the week with just enough sleep to keep you sane. The party invite from Rei’s company came as a welcome surprise, and your team gladly accepted the invitation. You opted to come with your boss after work, letting the rest of your team go off without you.
Now as you stood at a fancy looking table, hiding from social interaction by munching on all sorts of food, you wondered if this was really the break you needed. Now that you thought about it, you would have preferred to stay at home and catch up on the latest chapter of Jujutsu Kaisen. Your boss was off talking to Rei’s boss somewhere, you couldn’t really care less. 
“Hey.”
You froze. You were hoping that she wouldn’t be here. 
There was new weight on your plate. You looked down and saw an eclair sitting on the pristine porcelain. 
“Thanks for coming,” Rei smiled, setting down the pair of tongs. “It’s nice to see you again.”
Wordlessly, you stuffed the eclair into your mouth and turned to walk away. 
“Can we talk?” she piped. You stopped in your tracks, the pastry you at leaving a strange bitter taste 
“What’s there to talk about?” you asked. 
She walked around you and stood before you. She was wearing a dress that admittedly looked cute on her, but you didn’t let that comment slip past your lips. The dress was blue, blue like the summer morning sky.
“You know exactly what there is to talk about.”
You chuckled in amusement. 
“I thought you said that it was better to leave things as they were?” you sneered.
“I never said that.” 
“But you did,” you spat. “You said it right in front of the convenience store.”
She looked away for a moment.
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about…”
You scoffed. 
“So this is how it’s gonna be then?” you mused. “You’re just gonna deny our past? Way to let me know I didn’t mean jackshit to you…”
“Stop being immature,” she muttered. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.
“Me? I’m the immature one?” you asked, a generous amount of amusement in your voice. “Who’s the one who conveniently forgot about everything we went through?”
There were eyes on you. You didn’t care. 
“Look,” Rei sighed, “we’ll have to work together for the next few weeks… It’ll be better for both of us and our teams if we could just stay on good terms—”
“So what do you expect me to do then?” you interrogated her. “Conveniently forget about everything like you? Sweep everything under the rug and tell everyone that we’re strangers?”
The people around you were silent, watching you with a look of concern. Rei rubbed her brow. 
“I… I’m not expecting you to do anything…” she answered. 
“Then I won’t do anything,” you proclaimed. “We’ll do like you said, leave things as they are.”
In the same fashion she’d left you, you turned and strode away. It wasn’t till the elevator doors closed in front of you did you let out a small sigh. You leaned back into the elevator wall.
You had a few long weeks ahead of you. 
***
She was sitting across you, her eyes reflecting the blue of her computer screen. You didn’t want to admit that you’d been watching her for the past few hours, but you weren’t one to lie. She was focused as usual, her face full of seriousness and determination as her fingers flew across her keyboard. 
Seeing her on a daily basis wasn’t easy. Ever since the party, her company and your company had booked a co-working space for your team and their team to collaborate to work on the project at hand. You’d often make eye contact from across the room, feel her gaze on you as you wrote things down in your notebook… The tension was palpable, and your teammates could feel it. 
“Yo, what’s up with you and that Naoi girl?” one of them asked over lunch one afternoon. 
“Hm?” you asked, hiding the fact that you nearly choked on your tea. 
“I mean… I can’t be the only one that notices the way she looks at you right?” he continued, looking around the table. Heads nodded, eyes contained curiosity. 
“I uh… I don’t catch your drift,” you lied. 
“Aw come on… You like her don’t you?” another piped. “Don’t deny it, we can all feel the tension. Hell, we can almost grab it!” 
A laugh went around the room. You chuckled nervously. 
“I know that work is boring… But you guys can’t possibly be spinning this bullshit to entertain yourselves,” you joked. 
“But—”
“Let’s finish our meals,” you interjected, “we’ve got work to do.”
That was enough to get them to stop prying into your personal life. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to stop them from doing all sorts of funny things. When you walked into the co-working space the next morning, you had to resist the urge to cuss. 
They had all rearranged themselves. Somehow, your teammates had managed to get Rei’s teammates on board, seating themselves in such a way so that the only space available was next to Rei. You gripped your notebook with a vice grip, every bit of your willpower stopping you from bashing all of their smirking faces in as you made your way to the sole empty seat.
“Morning,” Rei greeted you. You remained silent and sat down to begin work. 
And that was the way things were for the rest of the project. No matter how early you came in, your teammates and Rei’s teammates were somehow there before you. You admired the commitment they had put into forcing a close proximity between the two of you, but you’d have preferred if they could channel this level of commitment into their work instead. 
A week before you were due to head to Shibuya, all nighters became a common occurrence for you. As the team leader, your boss expected frequent updates and reports from you, and some of those reports required you to stay up till the wee hours of the morning to be completed. Rei shared a similar problem as her team’s leader, resulting in uncomfortably high amounts of tension when it was just the two of you in the space. She didn’t talk to you, and you didn’t talk to her. 
But that Friday night was different. You were packing your things, Rei was still working. As you slipped in your notebook, Rei broke the silence.
“How long are we going to keep acting like this?”
You zipped your bag.
“I didn’t know we were acting…” you muttered. Rei’s hands left the keyboard of her laptop.
“Could we at least talk this out?” she pleaded.
“I thought you forgot about everything?”
Rei leaned back in her chair. 
“I… I don’t want to keep this up anymore,” she whispered. “I’m tired… I’m tired of having to pretend that we’re strangers to each other.”
You set your bag down on the table. 
“Well… Maybe you should’ve thought about that before conveniently forgetting our past.”
“Don’t—”
“Maybe I’d be more willing to talk to you if you’d just said what you really wanted to say at that party.”
Rei closed her eyes and sighed. 
“I’m sorry,” she strained, “is that what you wanted out of me? Did you want me to apologise?”
You rested your hands on the table. 
“I don’t want an apology, Rei…” you croaked, “I want a reason. I want to know why we had to break up.”
You let yourself make eye contact with her. She looked hurt, like she was the one that had been walked out on that night.
“You left me without a reason Rei,” you whispered, “You just… Left me in front of that convenience store. I called, I texted… You didn’t reply. You cut me out of your life… I could never understand why.”
Pooling tears reflected the blue of the lights shining in through the windows. She wiped her eyes.
“So why Rei?” you implored, letting a tear run down your cheek, “why did you leave?”
She swallowed back a sob. “I-I… I can’t tell you…”
You closed your eyes and let out a shaky breath. 
“I guess we’ll never sort this out then,” you warbled, “good talk Rei.”
You shouldered your bag and left. 
She called out to you, and it was your turn to not look back.
It started to rain after you left the building. You’d never felt that the weather could fit your mood as much as it did that night.
***
She didn’t come to work the next day. Nor the day after. 
“Her Mom called me,” one of her co-workers that was close to her explained. “Apparently she got drunk and sat out on a park bench in the rain. She’s running a fever now… She must’ve been stressed by this project.”
You processed this information.
“Understood,” you replied, “thank you for letting me know.”
In truth, you would have appreciated it if she hadn’t explained why she was absent. You had more things to think about since she’d mentioned it. It made you feel guilty for not saying and talking things out with her like she’d pleaded you to. 
Despite your strong sense of priorities, your focus was messed up. You’d like to blame it on the lack of sleep, but you knew that wasn’t true. You caught yourself thinking about her as you poured your morning coffee. You found yourself in a daze when you were waiting in line for lunch. You realised that she’d been on your mind for a whole day when the last team member left for the night and your report was still blank. 
On Monday of the next week—two days before you were meant to leave for Shibuya—Rei still hadn’t shown up. That day, you made the executive decision to clock out early on the pretext that you needed some rest.  A phone call to your mother and a twenty minute drive later, you found yourself outside of an apartment door. 
It wasn’t any random door. It was Rei’s. Well… Not exactly Rei’s since she still lived with her parents.
“Am I really doing this right now?” you muttered to yourself. You gave yourself a minute to think about what you were about to do. 
“I’m just checking in on her… It’s not weird right?” 
Everything about that situation felt weird to you.
“Ah fuck it.”
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
“In a minute!” a familiar voice called out from the other end. The sound of sandals shuffling against the floor grew louder as someone approached. 
The door opened. 
“How can I…”
She stopped mid sentence, trailing off as she looked you up and down. You smiled sheepishly and waved. 
“Hello Ms Naoi… Long time no see.”
Re’s mother made a sound, an amalgamation of syllables that tumbled out of her mouth in a jumbled mess.
“What… What are you doing here?” she finally managed to ask.
“I… I heard about Rei,” you explained, “is she alright?”
Ms Naoi looked you in the eye. With a sigh, she opened the door wider and stood aside.
“Come in dear boy… There’s much to be discussed.”
She fixed you a hot cup of green tea, setting it before you on the tatami tea table that you recognised from your childhood. Rei’s mother knelt down on the cushion opposite you.
“How have you been?” she asked warmly. 
“I’ve been… Alright I suppose,” you answered. Ms Naoi smiled and nodded.
“You look healthy and well…” she remarked, “you’ve grown so much since I last saw you… When was that again?”
“It was… Quite some time ago,” you replied. To be exact, it was 8 years ago. The last time you ever saw Ms Naoi was 2 months before you broke up with Rei. You were over at their place, helping them fix an Ikea shelf because her father had back problems and couldn’t get it done himself. 
“Where’s Mr Naoi?” you inquired, the short jog of your memory suddenly making you aware of the fact that Rei’s father was nowhere to be seen. Rei’s mother sighed.
“He’s dead,” she stated solemnly, “he’s left us for some time now… Car crash.”
You blinked. 
“O-Oh,” you sputtered, “I… I didn’t know…”
“It’s alright,” she assured you, “you and Rei had split by then, and I’m not the type to tell the whole world that my husband is dead… How would you have known?”
Ms Naoi sipped from her own tea cup. You looked around the house. It was smaller than the original apartment, but cosy nonetheless. Your mother did explain that they’d shifted here for cheaper rent. Monetary problems were your best guess.
“I understand that you and Rei have… Reacquainted,” she began, setting down her cup. You shifted on your seat. 
“I-In a way,” you answered.
Rei’s mother nodded silently. 
“How do you feel about her?”
She’d caught you off guard. You expected her to ease into the hard questions, maybe ask you a little more about the type of work you and Rei were doing… You didn’t think she’d launch such a question 2 minutes into the conversation. 
“I… I-I don’t get what you mean,” you lied. 
Rei’s mother rested her hands on the tea table. Time had not been kind to her. She looked visibly worn, wrinkles covering her once smooth and lively face. Her fingers were filled with calluses, wrinkled and bony—A far cry from the gentle, warm hands that used to serve you a snack whenever you were over at Rei’s house.
“Rei… Rei has been thinking about you alot,” she informed you. “She’s been restless since you two started working together… I hardly see her sleep for more than four hours.”
Ms Naoi wrung her hands.  “She missed you terribly after you both split up… I thought that her final rejection letter from the idol industry would be the most she’d ever cry. I was… So, so wrong.”
You stared at her bony fingers, unable to form sentences to communicate your thoughts. 
“She never told you why she wanted to break up, did she?” 
You found the courage to look Rei’s mother in the eye. Slowly, you shook your head. Ms Naoi let out a breath. “After her father’s back problems got worse, we entered a rough patch. Money was dwindling, times were tough. I had to take on two job’s to keep us afloat… And I overworked myself one day and collapsed.”
Ms Naoi fiddled with her index finger.
“Rei didn’t want me to overexert myself, so she took on part time jobs to help chip in to stabilise our income…”
“That’s why she couldn’t meet me as much…” you whispered. 
Rei’s mother nodded. “Yes…”
Your eyes seemed to focus on one spot on the table. Those loose ends were coming together now, questions that’d been on your mind slowly answering themselves as you made new connections with the new information given to you. 
“I always thought that you were the one that broke her heart,” Ms Naoi chuckled, “I never thought that my daughter would be the one to leave you. She loved you so, so much… So much to the point where I thought she loved you more than me.”
There was a moment of silence as Ms Naoi stared at her hands. 
“But when I found her on that park bench two nights before, I realised how wrong I was.”
She looked like she was about to cry. You spotted a tissue box at the edge of the table. Wordlessly, you grabbed it and slid it across the table. She smiled gratefully and pulled a single sheet of tissue. 
“When Rei’s drunk… The things she hides all come pouring out. That night, she talked about you. She told me everything she’d hidden from you… And from me.”
Rei’s mother dabbed her eyes. 
“That girl… That stupid stupid girl…” she laughed softly, “why did she keep all that to herself?” 
You awkwardly cleared your throat and asked, “What did she say?”
Ms Naoi sipped from her cup. 
“I can’t give you the full rundown of what she told me, but I’ll give you something that I think she needs some help conveying to you.”
Rei’s mother reached over and held your hand.
“I think… She still loves you. She always has.”
***
She still loves you. She always has
A car drove by.
She still loves you. She always has
You walked across the road.
She still loves you. She always has
The asphalt seemed to reflect that very line. Sensory overload was what you felt like you were experiencing—The sun was setting behind the buildings, birds flew, trees swayed… You were suddenly aware of all the smallest movements around you. On the bench, you folded your legs in and stared into the sky. The sea of endless blue was slowly beginning to bleed gold. 
“I need a fucking beer,” you decided. 
And so you got one. From the nearby convenience store, you got yourself an icy cold Asahi, cracked it open, and took a small sip. You wanted a drink, but you didn’t want to get drunk. 
The beer helped to ground you in reality, the ringing in your ears slowly fading as you stepped out of the convenience store. Just down the road, a vendor was selling sweet potatoes. 
Dinner.
Beer. Sweet Potatoes. Park. To you, that was the perfect recipe for alone time. With your back against a tree and your eyes closed, you let yourself process the churning feeling in your chest. You were no stranger to this feeling. Your hand ran through your hair as you let out a frustrated sigh. The churn in your chest was nothing but a jumbled up, churned, mixed amalgamation of emotions. It was funny how one girl could make you feel the way you felt. 
Memories came and went in your head, moments that defined your relationship with Rei replaying like they had when you saw her in that omakase restaurant. A personal cinema in your mind, complete with surround sound and every single emotion you’ve ever felt with her. The blue of your past.
“Hey.”
You opened your eyes. She was standing in front of you, dressed in a blue cardigan and her hair looking akin to a crow’s nest.
“Aren’t you sick?” you asked.
“Not really. I just took an extra rest day.”
Silence.
“By the way… Is ‘Hey’ the only word you know how to greet me with?” you continued. She didn’t reply, opting to settle down next to you. You didn’t move away.
“Figured I’d find you here,” she said, “you dropped by our place?”
“So she told you,” you remarked, “I did drop by. Tell your Mom I’m sorry that I didn’t touch my tea by the way.”
Rei nodded and set her gaze forward. Before you, there were two children tossing a baseball back and forth. The blue of youth. 
“What did Mom say?”
“Not much…  She didn’t disclose any secrets if that’s what you’re wondering.”
She chuckled softly. Even though her voice changed, her laugh stayed the same. The blue of your memories.
“Why did you drop by?” she inquired.
“You haven’t come to work for three days. I wanted to see how you were doing…”
She rubbed her palms on her jeans.
“So… You came on purely a work basis then…”
You sighed.
“Not really… It was more personal than anything.”
She stared at you for a moment.
“I… I suppose we should talk,” she whispered. 
You folded your legs up. “I was just about to say that.”
You glanced over at her. She was fiddling with the sleeves of her cardigan. You held your beer can out to her. 
She looked at it for a moment, then she took it and took a swig.
“You go first,” you prompted. She removed the can from her lips. 
“Right…” she muttered, “I guess I should.”
She handed the can back to you. 
“Mom told you what happened to my dad, right?” 
“Mhm.”
“Then you know why I started working.”
“Yep…”
“And now you’re probably wondering why I didn’t say anything to you.”
You didn’t want to admit it, but you knew that this was the time to tell the truth.
“Yes,” you replied. You heard her head thump against the bark of the tree.
“Well I… I’ll just be frank with you. I didn’t want your help.”
You stayed silent to let her continue. She did.
“I knew that you’d do everything you could to help us out. The prospect of you diving headfirst into my problems scared me, because I knew that you had a tendency to over commit.”
She wasn’t wrong. In junior high, you committed at least half of your time there into baseball, thinking that you’d grow up to be a big shot pitcher when you grew up. No one ever had the heart to tell you that you sucked mega balls at the sport, but you learnt the hard way when you left junior high without ever playing a single baseball game for your school.
“And… That was the exact reason why I broke up with you.” 
You raised an eyebrow, failing to make a link between her predicament and your break up. Thankfully, Rei was thorough with her explanations.
“I knew that if I didn’t leave you, you’d find out eventually, and you’d want to help. Then I’d have to reject you, then we’ll argue and… I-I couldn’t go through that cycle. Yes, it’s selfish. Yes, it’s an assumption. But I… I just had this feeling that I’d rope you into my mess if you started to help us out.”
Her voice was wavering by the second. You didn't look at her because you knew that seeing her cry would make you cry too.
“I had to save you from myself so… I left,” she finished. “That’s… That’s it…”
There was a moment of silence as the long unanswered question had finally been brought to a close. With a sigh, you readjusted your seating position. 
“I suppose it’s my turn then,” you mused.
“Yea… I-I’m listening.”
You’d been thinking about this moment for a while. You had a plan on what to say, what you’d do, how you’d convey your pain and anguish into coherent sentences… But now that the moment was here, your grand speech had been lost in your mind. didn’t know what to say to her. 
With as much courage as you could muster, you opened your eyes and turned your head to Rei. You didn’t know what to make of the look that she gave you, but past her tear-glazed gaze, you could make out the blue that always seemed to be reflected by her eyes.
It was the blue of youth.
It was the blue of your past.
It was the blue of your memories.
It was the blue of your love. 
Blue was the colour of the night sky—the setting of when you made that promise to never forget each other. Blue was the colour of your uniform—the clothes that you’d accepted her confession in. Blue was the colour of the summer sky—the sky that you shared so many kisses with her. So many things, moments, emotions… All dumbed down into one simple colour.
And within Rei’s eyes, that was where your blue was. The blue resided there. The blue remained clear.
“Forgive me but… I’m going to curse at you Rei.”
She sat there. Her mouth hung open ever so slightly, her mind unable to fathom what she could possibly say. A tear rolled down your cheek, summer-like colours dazzling your vision. Rei squeezed her eyes shut. 
“Let it out,” she warbled. “Let’s fight it out if we have to.”
You stayed silent for a moment, thumbing the tab of your beer. The direction you were taking with this would be a far cry from Rei’s long-winded, heartfelt explanation. But then again… The curse of you being different from her still remained. Whether it pushed her away or pulled her back was in your hands
So you looked her in the eye and released the curse that had been stuck at the back of your throat.
“I’m still fucking in love with you Rei.”
You weren’t sure why you had to phrase it in such a strong way, but it simply felt right in your head. Rei watched you carefully, as if waiting for you to continue, but you had nothing left to say.
“Is that it? Is that your thing now? Giving me one-liners and leaving it as that?” 
You could only stare at your beer can.
“I’ve never been good with words Rei… You know that…” 
She went silent for a moment.
“Neither of us have been good at communicating,” she remarked, pushing her hair back behind her ear. “It’s one hell of a problem isn’t it?”
She was right. Neither of you were able to communicate how you truly felt about each other up until that point. Finding the words to tell her how you still loved her was hard, so hard that you had to cuss just to get your point across. It felt rather bleak, even pathetic to an extent if you had to admit.
“I guess that’s one similarity between us,” you chuckled. “Looks like the curse of us being different isn’t as prominent as we thought.”
The corners of Rei’s lips turned up into a smile, one of fondness. “Right… That curse.”
She reached out her hand. You handed her the beer can. She tossed her head back and took a swig.
“Since we’re out here airing our thoughts… Can I say something else?”
“Not gonna stop you.”
Rei set the can between the two of you.
“That night, I told you that you were the easiest thing I could let go of… Do you remember that?”
It was hard to forget. She’d devastated you with that line, left you questioning your self worth for an extensive period of time. Of course you remembered what she said.
“Mhm,” you hummed. 
Rei sat there for a moment.
“That… That was a lie,” she uttered. “It was a lie… You were the hardest thing to let go of.”
You had a feeling she’d say something along those lines. But you still chuckled and said, “Really?”
Rei wiped her eyes. “Yes…” 
You sat on it for a moment, then you asked, “why?” 
“Because I loved you. You were the world to me.”
Loved. Were. Past tense. You wondered if what Rei’s mother had disclosed was true.
“And what about now?”
She glanced at you. “What do you mean?”
“How do you feel about me now?” 
Her lips curled into her teeth.
“I still love you… I always have.”
Ah… There it was. You’d heard it from her mother, you’d heard it from her. Thesis confirmation. 
Your sweet potatoes had gone cold inside the paper bag. You hadn’t touched it since you bought it.
“You know Rei… I’ve thought about what I’d do if you ever told me that you still loved me,” you chuckled. “I had a whole speech planned and everything.”
Your fingers gripped a blade of grass and plucked it out of the ground as you vocalised your thoughts. “But now that you’ve actually said it… I don’t know what to tell you anymore.”
“Neither do I,” she replied.
You caught her gaze. She held it. 
You blinked. 
She surged. 
When her lips pressed against yours, your senses stripped from you as everything went still for a second.  For a moment and only a moment, it felt like all the wrongs in the world had been righted, a void in your chest made whole. It was only when your back hit the grass did your senses come back to you—A sudden wave of sound, a burst of colour, the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips, the feel of her body pressed up against your chest on the grass. Your hand instinctively wrapped itself around her waist, holding her close to your body as she kissed you gently, tenderly; letting the kiss burn on your lips for as long as she could allow it.
The blasted need to breathe eventually interrupted. Her lips pulled back. Her eyes fluttered open. There on the grass, in front of a bunch of people who were probably giving you the oddest of looks, Naoi Rei had made the first move on you once more. At this point, it was made clear what you were to each other.
Your voice faltered, a hot tear rolling down your cheek as you called her name. “Rei…”
“Yea?”
Her face fit right into the indent of your palm, a familiarity in the sensation of her warm cheek in your hand.
“Please keep loving me. Don’t let me go again…”
Her hand clutched the fabric of your shirt, gently tugging on your t-shirt; pulling you closer.
“I don’t plan to go anywhere,” she replied. “I’m staying… For good this time.”
Everything about the situation felt so right. Once more, reminiscent of that time on the rooftop under the clear blue sky, your lips found hers. A shared breath, a shared moment. Her body felt warm against yours, her hands finding their place on either side of your face, as if she believed you might disappear if she ever let go of you again.
It was a gentle kiss, one of passion and of love.
It was a gentle kiss, one of longing and of need.
Your blue was becoming clearer than ever.
“Take me out,” she whispered. “Somewhere, anywhere… I just want to be with you.”
Your lips curled into a smile. “Aren’t you supposed to tell your Mom that I’m sorry for not drinking the tea?”
“Fuck that,” she giggled. “Take me somewhere.”
You thought about it for a moment.
“How does a tour of my place sound?”
***
Courage. That’s what it took in that moment to bridge the gap between you and Rei. It felt awkward to be vulnerable around her once more, to be honest and speak your mind around her. You had to re-open old wounds to re-establish that connection between the two of you.
But the effort paid off. 
With her back pressed against your apartment wall, your tongue dug into her mouth. She held your face tightly in her grasp, pulling you in, pulling you closer. She wasn’t going to let go, neither were you.
“Fuck… I forgot how good that felt,” she rasped. 
“I’ve always been a good kisser,” you winked back. 
“Now I’ve got a curse for you—Shut the fuck up.”
Your hand reached under her chin. “Make me.”
She did just that. 
Stumbling, pressing, pulling, tugging… She was far from gentle as she forced her lips on yours. Wild? Frantic? You had no words that could describe how rough she was. You weren’t too sure how you got into the bedroom, and you sure as hell weren’t sure about how your hand ended up beneath Rei’s jeans, but you knew that she was so incredibly needy. 
A smack of her lips. She broke away from you. 
“You always liked to rush into things,” she mused as she watched you unbutton her jeans.
“And you always talked a lot… Where do you find the energy to speak this much?”
Her jeans slide off her legs with ease.
“I dunno… Where do you find the energy to read manga after work?”
“How do you know what I do after work?”
She pointed off to the side. You followed her gaze to the shelf next to your bed. 
“Still into Jujutsu Kaisen huh?” 
You chuckled.  “Uh huh… But I’m into something new now…”
She smirked. “Let me guess… Me?”
She was spot on.
You took off your shirt. She unbuttoned her cardigan.
Unfasten, remove. Unfasten, remove. 
Skin to skin, you pressed your lips on hers. Your hands found the cool skin of her tummy, her hands rested on your shoulders.
“You have a great body Rei,” you told her. 
“Thanks… I’m rather proud of it.”
“As you should be.”
Her hands held your forearms, breath on your neck. Her bra was still on her. 
“May I take that off?” you politely requested. 
“I dunno…” she smirked, “do I want to let you take it off?”
“That’s up to you.”
With a smile, she reached behind her back.  “Give it a second… It takes a bit of manoeuvring.”
“I’m not planning to go anywhere,” you grinned. 
Her eyes met yours. Within Naoi Rei was your blue.
“Neither am I.”
click 
The fabric atop her chest loosened. Left strap, right strap. Off her body and onto the floor. Simple, quick and alluring. Rounded, shaped and inviting—Her tits sat proudly atop her chest, light nipples standing at attention. You found yourself gawking, a tightness growing in your underwear.
“It’s… It’s rude to stare you know,” she quipped.
You snapped out of it. “Sorry.”
“You better be… Did your mother not teach you how you should behave with a woman?”
You rolled your eyes. “Don’t bring my Mom into this.”
“I bet she’d be real disappointed if—”
Her gasp tore through her sentence. Your mouth found its place on her left breast, gently sucking on the nub atop the mound. Her hand slipped beneath the waistband of her panties.
“You’re so fucking wet,” you grinned. 
“All… Your fault,” she manages to retort, a hint of feistiness in her rebuttal. 
“You’re right. Let me take care of it.”
Your digits slipped past the dripping folds, entering the warmth of her insides as you started to feel around inside of her. Juices coated your fingers, flowing from the tip of your pointer to the base of your wrist. Sighs filled your ears. 
“Baby…” she whined. Her hips bucked when you found the soft patch of flesh on the roof of her walls. She didn’t hold back on her cries when you began to wiggle your fingers, fingertips vibrating back and forth about the same spot as she squirmed on the bed. Luscious thighs clamped around your hand, locking your wrist in place while you worked your magic on her. Her front teeth revealed themselves when she bit down on her lower lip. 
“So… Good…” was all she could say. Wracked with pleasure, driven by need… Rei was a work of art. “L-Like that… Just like that!”
You never remembered her to be this wanton. Then again, it was your first time with her. It was a new side to Rei, a breath of fresh air from the usual cutesy, lovey girl that she was around you. You never knew that she was so well endowed. Then again, Rei never wore anything that flaunted the curves of her body or the swell of her breasts. It was all new to you, a new sensation, a new feel.  Her hips were bucking. Filth continued to pour out of her parted lips. Your mouth found itself back on her erect nipples, giving them the attention that they deserved. Her hand found your head, nails digging into the back of your skull.
“That’s it… Suck them…” she rasped. “Suck my tits, they're yours…”
Your eyes caught hers as you looked up.  “All mine?” 
She nodded furiously. “All… Yours.”
A flurry of motion. Your fingers exit her. Rei’s panties are removed, thrown somewhere in your room. In a matter of seconds, you're positioned above her, cock lined up with her flushed lips.
“I’m gonna own you Rei,” you growled.
With visibly flushed cheeks, she smirked and challenged your gaze. “Less talk. More action.”
You entered her with one firm, strong stroke, burying yourself inside the tight flesh of her body. Rei lets a long, drawn-out moan out as she’s filled with your cock. The moan soon turned into a long string of pleasurable sounds as you began fucking her. Her thighs opened, spread and stayed that way as you begin to fuck her with quick and strong thrusts, firmly spearing yourself within her and making sure she felt each entry and exit in and out of her tight body.
Your delight peaked at the sight before you—Those perfect curves of hers, those large round breasts and her full, flushed thighs bouncing and quivering with each thrust. Her eyes were half-lidded with pleasure, locked on yours from the moment you entered. The blue was replaced with lust and need. 
“So fucking good…” she moaned. “More… Give me more…”
You entered her harder, deeper. You move your palm up her body to capture one of her bouncing breasts. The feel of her sweat beneath your skin as you palmed the soft flesh was titillating. Her hardened nipple poked out between your fingers as you squeezed the sensitive flesh with your hand. Rei clasped your hand on her tits with one of her own. She squeezed your hand, passionate and encouraging, urging you to tighten your grip on her mounds. The soft curse that escaped her lips when you obliged told you everything she wanted you to know—She wanted it. She wanted you. 
“I’m gonna cum,” she said. The way she conveyed it only urged you to do more. Your movements became more urgent. Though your own orgasm was building, you resolved to make sure she enjoyed hers first.
The hand clutching yours on her breast squeezed your own tighter and tighter. With her body almost completely flushed against yours you increased the tempo of your hips as they crashed against hers. Your hand left her breasts, sliding down to grip her full hips, pulling her into your crotch as you thrusted into her. You slammed her against your body even as you thrusted deep with your shaft, impaling her as hard as you could with each thrust.
“Oh God!,” Rei cursed, “I’m gonna cum so hard! Oh! I’m so close… I’m gonna cum… I’m gonna—”
You silence her with a hand around her throat. “Do it, Rei. Cum for me.”
A dark look crossed Rei’s face. As if on command, Rei did just that. You watched as she was ruined by pleasure, losing control of her movements as she withered helplessly on top of your mattress. Her pussy pulsated around you, tightening and loosening, clamping down fiercely around your shaft. Her mouth opened—a soft, strained moan, one of pure pleasure, a gentle release of emotion. You released the hand around her throat.
You slowed your thrusts, letting her slowly wind down from the high while keeping your own orgasm at bay. Sweat glistened on her milky skin, her chest heaving. Her eyes were shut, lips parted to let sweet, fresh oxygen enter her body as she breathed deeply. 
“Why… Are you so good at this?” she huffed.
“I think I’m just a natural,” you grinned. 
Rei rolled her eyes. “You little narcissist. Come here.”
Her lips graced yours. The must of her sweat was wafting into your nose now, but you couldn’t care less. 
“Hey,” she called after you’d broken the seal. “You’re my first…”
You let that sink in. “Really?”
She nodded. “Yep… One and only baby…”
“Wow… I guess I’m… Honoured?” you responded. Rei laughed and pushed your hair out of your eyes. 
“Now’s not the time to tell me how you feel,” she lectured, “now’s the time to make me scream and make a mess out of your place.”
“We’ll have to clean up though…”
She smacked you on the shoulder. “Figure of speech dummy.”
You chuckled. “You know me—I’m bad with words.”
Rei giggled, resting a hand on your chest.
“But you’re not too bad with your actions,” she simpered, “so why don’t you talk less and do more?”
You challenged the jeer head on. “You sure?”
She sat on it for a moment. A familiar grin made its way up her face.
“Are you gonna make me change my mind?” she asked.
“Depends… What if I can?”
“I’ll… Buy you lunch for a month.”
You let yourself grin. “Same wager as last time huh?”
“I guess,” she shrugged. “Now how expensive is your couch?”
***
You were certain that you were bleeding from at least four points on your head, but you didn’t really care. Rei’s nails dug into your skull, acute pricks of pain littering your skull as she moaned your name. You’d found another way to make her squirm.
Your mouth on her crotch drove her off the rails, the loud gasp that left her throat being the biggest indication. You delivered long, slow licks from bottom to top, the flat of your tongue covering every bit of her pussy before settling on her clit. You swirled the tip of it around the hard little bud, bittersweet and tangy taste of her juices flooding your mouth. Her warm, sticky thighs wrapped themselves around your face, keeping you right where you want to be—Between the pillow heaven of her thighs and right in front of that dripping slit.
“Oh… Oh fuck… You eat me… So good,” Rei drawled. Her voice had taken on a new tone, the pleasure coursing through her body filling the filth spilling forth with generous amounts of need.
She’d make a great singer. You thought to yourself as she started to practically flatten you on her pussy. You wondered why all those agencies turned down a honey sweet voice like hers. 
Then again, she wouldn’t be moaning the way she was in an audition. Maybe she would if it was a casting call.
“Oh keep going… I’m so close,” Rei rasped, hips thrusting upwards in a desperation to chase her second orgasm for the night. You were happy to make her cum as many times as she liked. Your goal was to divulge every single method that would make her squirm after all. 
Pure filth—raw, unfiltered curses and explanations began streaming out of those parted lips. Her body tensed, her eyes rolled. 
The quickly built orgasm took Rei completely by surprise. She twitched, quivered, writhed on your couch as the pleasure completely overwhelmed her. You could hardly hold on to her wildly shaking thighs, struggling to keep your mouth locked onto her crotch as she thrashed about. Her sweet fluids dribbled down your chin, dripping onto your couch and ensuring you a rather complicated clean up. A future problem for future you to solve. 
She pushed you off her, her upper limit reached. Her head hit the cushioning of the couch, tremulous legs barely able to stay upright. 
“Change your mind yet?” you jeered.
“Fuck… You…” she managed to spit.
“Ah… Guess not,” you huffed. 
Maybe you needed something fresh…
***
“B-Baby…”
With her slim tummy pressed up against your kitchen counter, you pushed her hair over her shoulder so that you could see the delicious curve of her back. You looked down, watching as your rock hard cock disappeared and reappeared between the folds of her tight little pussy. Your shaft glistened with her fluids, lubricating your member to the point where you were sliding in and out of her almost effortlessly. 
“Harder,” she pleaded, “fuck me harder…”
Both your hands reached around her small frame to fondle those amazing breasts. “You sure.”
She nodded vigorously. 
“I’m a good girl… I can take it…” she whined, “Please… Give it to me…”
There was something about the way she vocalised her infinite need. A certain feel, a certain tone… Whatever it was, a dark part of you relished the way she pleaded to be fucked the way she liked it.
It turned you on to no end. 
Your right hand tore itself away from her breast, snaking up her collarbone and wrapping itself around her throat. Without warning, you applied pressure to her windpipe. A raspy gasp left her as you start to properly fuck her, giving it to her just the way she wants.
“Yes… Y-Yes baby…” she mewled, “fuck me… Fuck me like this… Own me.”
She had said it. She was yours for the taking. 
Drilling in and out of the tight hot warmth of her body, you railed her with quick deep strokes. With each stroke, you concentrated on pumping hard and fast, filling her as much as you could while you relished the tightness of the flesh wrapped around your cock. Skin slapped against skin, mixing with the delightful squelch of her pussy as the two sound waves mixed into an arousing symphony of pleasure. To top it all off, Rei’s strained cries floated above the sounds, filling your ears and filling your desire to make her quiver on your cock.
“Ugh…” Rei strained. She was gripping the counter with a knuckle-white grip, desperately trying to release her pleasure somewhere, anywhere. Her tightness was overwhelming—overwhelmingly tight and hot, overwhelmingly wet and slick. It grasped you tightly with each entrance, just like a glove. It sucked you in, held you, then released you. It was working all sorts of wonders on your body. 
“God Rei… I love your tight little pussy,” you growled into her ear. The hand around your throat limits her to a series of grunts and moans to reply to you. You pinched her nipple with your free hand. Her pussy clenched tighter around you. Her hand finds your one on her throat. She squeezed it tighter. 
“Har… Der…”
You weren’t one to refuse. 
You were practically ramming yourself against her. All the while, her eyes are glued to yours as she looks over her shoulder at you, those eyes glazed with pleasure and lust and just a hint of blue in her eyes, face twisted in a vinous mix of pain and pleasure—unfiltered lust. 
Soon Rei was cumming. Her mouth opened in a frozen, wordless “O”, her body tightening and pulsing around you. Her small, curvy frame quivered and shook as she momentarily lost control of herself for the nth time that night. You slowed your thrusts, gradually coming to a stop just as the tingle in your shaft was at its peak. You wanted to save the load for when she officially changed her mind. 
You almost forget about your hand clasped around her throat as you watched her cum. It was only when she frantically tapped on your hand did you release her throat from your grasp. She gasped, sweet sweet oxygen refilling her lungs as she slumped forward on your kitchen counter. 
“Shit… You okay Rei?” you asked with genuine concern. She gulped down another breath of air. 
“I… Still… Don’t change…” she panted. She didn’t need to complete her sentence, you knew what she meant.
“Feisty little duckling,” you sighed. It was getting frustrating. Your cock was aching for the sweet release of your orgasm. 
But your ego wouldn’t let you cum before she yielded. You decided that perhaps a nice warm shower could change her mentality.
***
The warm water fell over both of your bodies. Her skin took on a smooth, creamy and quality as it flowed over her perfect body, flowing over her round breasts and flying from her outstretched toes as her legs shook with each thrust. Blonde hair was plastered to her face, her cute features twisted by lust and pleasure. Nails dug into your back, arms pressing you tighter against her. Her pulsing pussy tightened around your shaft, a sign of yet another impending orgasm. You redouble your efforts.
“Cumming… Again?” you half grunted, half teased.
“Yes! Oh fuck I’m so close!” she shamelessly admitted.
Adjusting your grip on her tender ass, you lengthened your thrusts. Deep, hard and fast—you fucked Rei with her back against the cool tile, eliciting cries that echoed throughout your shower. Rei wrapped her legs around your waist, spreading her legs wider for you to get as deep as you could possibly go. She was holding on, grounding herself in the midst of her pleasure while she was being fucked senseless.
“Fuck Rei,” you hissed. “You're so fucking tight.”
“So… Full…” she managed. “I’ll… Never… Fuck…”
She could barely form sentences, the corner of her brain in charge of that rendered useless by the throbbing, rock hard meat that relentlessly slid in and out of her pussy. You had been relentless with your assault, thrusting frantically between her thighs from the get go. Your pride didn’t allow you to cum before Rei yielded. Till she did, you would gladly fuck her, finger her, eat her out… You’d make her cum a hundred times over if it meant beating her. 
You shouldn’t be this competitive considering the fact you’d just reunited with her, but something about the carnal way you fucked her and the cries you forced out of that mouth of hers made you believe that she’s enjoying every second of what was happening. She wanted it, loved it, needed it. She was about to break soon, you could feel it.
Her will finally snapped, the last straw on the camel's back laid. Willingly, she dug her face into the crook of your neck.
“Fuck the wager… I… I just need you,” she admitted. “Please… Cum together with me.”
A small sense of euphoria filled you, but it was quickly replaced by the pent up lust within your being. For the next few minutes there were no more words, only the sound of wet flesh hitting wet flesh and the long, uninterrupted stream of wordless moans escaping Rei’s mouth as she willingly gave in to you against the shower wall. Forehead against hers, your measure ploughed her wet, hot pussy again and again, her tight body rocked from head to toe with each impact of your crotch against her own.
Then in a moment of sheer bliss, you both groaned and succumbed to your orgasms. The pleasure that flooded your body was indescribable, warm, hot semen erupts from your shaft into Rei’s pulsating, welcoming depths that milked you of every last drop. Basking in the intimate moment, you held her close to you, her breath filling your ear to the backdrop of the falling water. 
When you pulled out of her, a thick load came oozing out of her creamy little pussy. Her eyes opened, held your gaze… You let yourself swim in the blue that had found its way back into her eyes, as if it never left this whole time. 
“I guess… I changed my mind,” she panted. You chuckled weakly.
“That’s what I thought.”
***
As it would turn out, you’d share a lot more firsts with Rei. Her first time buying a Shinkansen bento, her first ride on a Shinkansen, her first time out of Nagoya… You had the privilege of enjoying these experiences that were all new to her by her side. You’d forgotten what it was like to have her in your life, but the familiarity of dating Rei would come back sooner than you thought. 
Kisses, hugs, whispers. 
“I love you”s, jokes, petty bickering.
Her hand in yours, the blue in her eyes, that smile on her face. 
It all felt so nostalgic, teenage years flying right before your eyes. You’d both aged, but you were both the same teenagers that fell in love all those years ago. She was your everlasting blue, a blue that would never go out of style.
One new thing in your relationship was working together. She had a serious side to her that you were getting familiar with, and she was getting used to your task oriented nature. Notebooks filled with your different handwritings, diagrams were analysed and discussed. You wondered why you never got to work with her sooner. 
Another thing that was new was the sex and the fact that you were working together now. The night before you were both scheduled to leave, you’d learnt that she could fit your whole length into her mouth without gagging. The morning you were set to leave, you learnt that she loved the feeling of being choked while taking your cock in and out of her dripping pussy. The night you got back to the hotel after a briefing, you learnt that she had a tendency to let her hands drift all over you in the shower. She also had a tendency to moan extra loudly while you fucked her atop the sink. 
New day, new things.
“You ever think about dying sometimes?”
You raised your head from your notebook to stare at Rei. With her head resting on a pillow, she stared up at the ceiling.
“Where is this coming from?” you couldn’t help but ask. 
Rei shrugged. “Dunno… Just thought about it…”
“That is a horrible way to think…” 
“And this is coming from the guy working at 10pm?”
You shut the book and sighed. 
“Someone has to be responsible…”
“And that’s my problem because?”
Your lips formed a thin line. You smacked her with your book. 
She yelped. “Hey!” 
“Cry about it,” you replied. 
Rei pouted and sat up. “So this is what I get for trying to initiate conversation.”
“Who starts a conversion by talking about death?” you questioned.
“Me, dummy,” she retorted. 
“I worry for your boss… He wants you to talk to clients?”
She snatched your book away from you. “Nag, nag nag… Jesus, you’re like my Mom!”
You clicked your tongue and snatched your book right back. 
“Someone has to parent your childish ass,” you muttered.
Rei’s haughty expression softened. 
“Yea…” she chuckled. “Guess you’re the best person to take care of me huh?” 
You let out a small laugh. She shifted herself closer to you. 
“You okay?” she asked you. You nodded.
“I’m fine…” you assured her, “just a little tired”
“It’s fine,” she brushed it off, “I understand.”
Rei yawned next to you. You slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to you as you opened your notebook back up.
“You wanna know something?” she asked. 
“What?”
She rested her head on her shoulder. A soft, warm whisper filled your ear. “I love you.”
You didn’t need to look into her eyes to know that the blue was being reflected in her eyes. Your blue would always reside there after all.
For she was Naoi Rei—The girl that shattered your heart and put it back together again. She loved you. She always did.
And you loved her too.
/_______________________\
If you made it all the way here. Thank you so much for reading. I sincerely appreciate all the support you've given me. Have a great day :)
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hyuckswoman · 5 months
Text
« remind me why I’m here again please? » your bestfriend renjun says as he takes his shoes off to enter your place
you told him to come extra early because as always you were nervous as shit and needed someone to vent to before meeting up with mark near the park
« renjun please stop taking the piss out of me before I get where you are and get violent » you say as you’re heading to the kitchen going to grab something to drink
« I am literally not making fun of you, also I haven’t completely made my mind up on whether I should ditch you or not so I’d watch it if I were you » your bestfriend says sitting on your couch
you watched amused from the kitchen seeing how comfortable he is around your place, it made you happy to see such an important friend to you ease so well into your living space
« you’re here because i gave mark flowers and never want to be alone with him ever again » you say handing him the glass of water 
« you do realize that if you actually want something to happen with mark, you’re going to have to hang out alone with him even if you’re nervous about it » you bestfriend says sighing
« i don’t even know if I want something to happen with mark it’s all so… quick and scary you know? and also I have hung out with him alone before like right after my finals for example?? » you say throwing yourself on your couch to really emphasize the dramatic effect of the whole thing
« true, but anyway you’ve had a crush on mark- or sorry hallway crush on mark for like two years? and now that you guys are finally getting to know each other that’s when you wanna back off? » your friend says not really understanding you 
« like you said, I’ve had a hallway crush on mark for a long time, it was fun pretending that he definitely looked at me and that he’s in love with me just because he glanced at my direction for a micro second. It would make me laugh so hard having mark in my vicinity and going to tell you guys about it saying how he practically proposed to me. But now that I actually got to know him, he’s nice and we’re friends and I get along with him. I don’t want to have an actual crush on mark where i seriously start to overanalyze whatever the man does to comfort me instead of the funny delusions i used to have. I don’t want to have an actual serious crush on mark because I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I thought I was doing a good job but that fuckass flower bouquet oh my god.. my hands were so sweaty and I was so nervous, I didn’t want him to think that I was weird and I was so scared and I feel like that’s not a reaction that I want to have when being with mark, I honestly don’t know where my feelings stand today and it’s not something I wanna find out. that’s why I need you here for support today » you rant to your friend not even bothering to look at him in case you start to actually get emotional or something 
« can’t believe I’m only here to be your emotional support animal or whatever » renjun says getting up from the couch (probably to refill his glass)
« noooooooo don’t say that, you’re making me sound like an asshole » you say voice muffled as you’re hugging your friend from the back (or more like hanging off of him while he very painfully drags you to the kitchen)
« you are an asshole » he replies to which you only nod, it was fair after all. 
« but whatever I’m here so unless I start to feel like a third wheel I’ll be by your side the whole time so you don’t have to worry, now go get dressed now cause otherwise we’ll be running late » renjun finishes 
as you head into your room you softly smile finding comfort in the fact that no matter how badly this whole mark situation ends, you’ll still have your friends to back you up
you were standing next to renjun who was sitting on a bench complaining about the park that was- and i quote- a longer walk then what you told him. as you were about to speak to get him to shut up you hear both your names being called 
« hi, I’m sorry I hope you guys didn’t wait for long » mark says
holy shit the man looked good. suspiciously so. 
« no we just got here because the walk was THIRTY MINUTES and not fifteen like she told- » before your best friend could finish his sentence you put your hand over his mouth, you had ENOUGH
« renjun, i love you, really you know I do now PLEASE ENOUGH » you say as renjun puts his hands up innocently and mark laughs 
« do you guys know what you wanna do? » mark asks to which you both shrug 
you looked at your surroundings spotting a cool cafe that seemed cozy enough for you guys to stay in so you pointed at it and in a mutual agreement they both nodded
« so how long have you guys been friends? » mark asks you chuckle quietly seeing how hard he was trying to make this less awkward (it also reminded you of when he did that the first time you sat next to donghyuck)
«  i don’t even know man, i only remember seeing his drawings and i was gagged, i thought he was the coolest person i had ever seen in my life… little did i know tho » you say earning an elbow to your side from renjun
« omg wait renjun i didn’t tell you… mark congratulated us for being in a relationship the other day » you say as mark immediately gets red and renjun looks at you in confusion trying to decipher if you want mark to believe that you’re dating him so he should play along or if he should tell the truth 
« i’m sorry, it’s just the tweets, i believed you guys were dating.. man why would you tell him im so embarrassed now » mark says and before you could reply your friend bursts out laughing 
« cmon now.. the thought of me dating you surely isn’t that fucking funny » you say cause why the fuck was he laughing that hard
« yes it is oh my god… yea no not in a relationship not now not ever » he replies as you just frown 
«  you know what? ningning would never treat me like that, i’m going to ditch all of you for other people i can’t keep being disrespected like that » you say, mark raises his hands up
« what did i do?? » he defends himself « you’re laughing!! » you reply to which he only nods 
« so you take piano lessons? i’ve heard you play before and have a hard time imagining what you could possibly learn more » you say trying to make conversation 
« no haha, i give piano lessons to a child, i do it here and there to make a bit of money » mark replies
« damn, maybe i should do something with my life to get a bit of money too, i’ll like babysit or something » you say more to yourself than anyone 
« babysit?? i don’t think anyone in their right mind should trust you with their kid » renjun says 
« i have to start somewhere though i mean look you sell your art, make gives piano lessons the fuck am i supposed to do?? » you reply sipping on your drink
« i’ve just got this crazy idea.. what if you like gave bass lessons? » mark says pretending to be enlightened because… duh? why would you consider babysitting when you can play the bass?
you just shrug at him because you weren’t in the mood for reassurance which you know would come if you told the two men you’re eating with that you couldn’t give bass lessons cause you’re not talented enough 
as you were sipping on the (very overpriced but very good) drink you ordered you stopped for a second to watch your bestfriend and mark just being completely in love with each other. you giggled quietly remembering the whole speech renjun gave you about putting yourself out there to catch mark’s attention when as it turns out he’s the one stealing your man from you
« why am i third wheeling right now » you say with a smile on your face, this whole situation was just too funny 
« yea, that’s crazy, i didn’t know we would get along so well. renjun, i was so intimidated when she told me you were coming » mark says
« i’m glad i’m here though, you really are nice i understand why jaemin and y/n like you so much » renjun says somehow emphasizing the fact that you ‘like him so much’ 
« cmon now i don’t like him THAT much let’s take it down a notch » you say defending yourself. mark was going to eventually figure out you liked him but it was definitely NOT today 
« you’re so obsessed with me oh my god » mark says laughing
as you guys were heading out of the café (after multiple hours of you third wheeling) renjun turned to both of you guys. you expected the worst seeing his quick apologetic glance he threw at you 
« guys i’m so sorry i’m gonna have to go but please by all means continue your hangout i wouldn’t want it stopping just because i leave i mean after all i wasn’t even supposed to be here in the first place » he said. he looked so apologetic you almost couldn’t get mad at him. 
almost. because you knew him too well and knew for a fact that he did not have anything planned at all and was just ditching you guys to make you hang out with mark alone. how did you know? first of all the fact he so clearly insisted on the hang out not being over just because he left but also because of the small smile (more like smirk) he was so desperately trying to fight. asshole.
as he hugs you before leaving he whispers in your ear « you’ll do fine i’m sure of it, and if you don’t then i owe you for life or something » then he left. and suddenly you wanted to kill yourself 
« you can leave if you want, i won’t tell renjun i promise » mark says looking..apologetic? 
« huh? » you answer because why was he looking at you like that
«  i know you didn’t wanna hang out alone with me and i don’t want to make you uncomfortable so you can leave » mark says not even looking at you anymore suddenly finding the ground much more interesting 
« it’s crazy how big of an asshole i must be oh my god. i won’t leave though, not unless you want me to. i’ll be honest i didn’t want to hang out with you alone because i thought you would find me weird since i gave you a bouquet and i got nervous » yeaaa…. that’s definitely why yup! 
mark bursts out laughing « that’s why?? dude i really loved the bouquet you shouldn’t feel nervous. and we’ve hung out alone before so bouquet or not you shouldn’t feel nervous with me we’re friends » he says putting his arm around your shoulder (you would’ve totally freaked out if the man hadn’t called you his friend right before doing that)
« i’m glad i got to meet renjun though, you guys seem close » he says removing his arm from your shoulder ( ☹️ )
« yea renjun is an amazing friend honestly i wouldn’t trade him for the world, he constantly reassures me and takes care of me i really wonder what good deeds i’ve done to deserve the man » you say
« sounds like you might have a little crush » mark teases
« nah, i love renjun to the core but it’s really not like that, he’s my twin flame my best friend, i’m just immensely grateful for everything he’s done for me » you finish your rant, mark only nods somehow understanding what you’re telling him
« oh there’s another park not far away let’s go » mark says
«  im down » you answer 
once arriving to the park, mark automatically goes to the playground, an action that made you chuckle a bit
« dude check out there monkey bars, i used to be so good when i was younger » mark says climbing on them 
« really? i hated those so much i only went on the swings and slides » you answer while mark calls you boring
after three hours of talking (and playing) it was now getting late so you both decided to go home, with mark walking you there of course. 
you were now in front of your apartment 
« thank you for agreeing to go out with me today. i’m glad we’ve moved past the awkward stage of our friendship. thank you for the flowers again, you never fail to make me feel special, i hope one day i can make you feel that too » mark says 
« duuuude you are special i’m not even doing anything. also i’m glad we’re friends too. and you need to stop thanking me for the flowers it was nothing » you answer
« maybe it wasn’t much to you but it means so much more than you could ever imagine to me. anyway i won’t bother you any longer, goodbye y/n » mark says 
« bye mark » you say waving at him before closing the door. 
you make him feel special. 
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35. third wheel
previous chapter masterlist next chapter
notes: this chapter had me stressed omg (none of this is proofread so if you see any mistakes.. no you don't tf) (i say this as if any of my chapters are proofread lol) (to the 💎 anon i saw your ask n yes you can be 💎 anon (i haven't answered bc i'll answer when i publish your req) ) ALSO to every other person that requested smt i wll work on it just not now as my finals are coming up lol
also idk if anyone noticed (you probably did not) but not only a new mark nickname unlocked but also a new contact name?? ohhh these two are ADVANCING (i also had a full mental breakdown (almost cried) bc my taglist wasn't working and wasn't tagging anybody?? so ply tell me if it didn't work for youuu)
taglist (open): @imsiriuslyreal @iscocohere @simpforarmihn @replayenthusiast @lovm4rk @youreintheclubb @polarisjisung @sour-chaos @jising-jisang-jisung @aerivrs @multifandomania @tiddygang2020 @roseangelxfuma @skepvids @morkiee @yangasm @artstaeh @pussyslayerhd @bacons-thighs @bugcattie @leefullsun @jkslvsnella @alethea-moon @marvelahsobx @haechansbbg @katsukis1wife @winuvs @n0hyuck @whats-my-question @jaehyunastico @hibernatinghamster @user7520 @m1dn1ghtv1olet @starwonb1n @lostinneocity @miniature-tragedy @llearlert @haezyhyuck @inosfavgf @bluesinfinities @calumsfringe @cigarettesafterjae @defzcl @delfdiary @minkyuncutie
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amymbona · 27 days
Note
i need angst so !! thinking about patrick with an introverted, shy, kinda closed off reader who sometimes needs to just be by herself and isolates and ghosts the people around her because she gets overwhelmed. and of course patrick gets mad because he doesn't get it and he confronts her about it and they get in a huge argument idk. i feel like she's a lot like a female version of art and she gest sneaky and mean when she's angry so i just imagine patrick seeing this part of her for the first time and they end up saying the worst things to each other
thank you <33
Patrick angst Zweig <3
I think that, as much as Patrick tries to be a good guy, he's just really oblivious and fails to notice important stuff. It doesn't mean that he doesn't care - no no no - but he's simply kinda stupid. And unfortunately, he's having issues with figuring out certain social cues.
So when your responses are dry, only sending simple yes and no to his messages, Patrick gets really pissed. What exactly is the issue - do you suddenly hate him? Has he done something so terrible that offended you and you weren't even able to talk to him about it? Or is it the harsh truth that you don't want to be friends with him anymore? While you're (somewhat) peacefully asleep, hoping to get past your anxiety in that way, Patrick spends hours pacing around his room, literal steam shooting from his ears.
And then he storms into your dorm in the middle of the night - because Patrick Zweig doesn't understand the concept of time and because Patrick Zweig doesn't care if somebody wants to get rest and mainly because Patrick Zweig doesn't like waiting - so you're forced to listen to him rant, half asleep, in your pyjamas.
"I don't understand it, I just - did I do something? - or what is it? Why won't you just tell me?"
"Patrick, just go to your place. We'll talk in the morning," you beg him with a sleepy voice, eyes closing.
He stomps towards your bed, hands on his hips, staring down at your tired frame, "Why? Why won't you just talk to me? You've been ignorin' me since the start of the week. What the hell's your issue?"
"Just go," you plead once again, genuinely not in the mood for any of it.
"Don't tell me to go - goddamn - don't sleep now! Just talk to me, for fuck's sake," Patrick is still pushing his luck, unable to respect your wishes. He is determined to get this answer. And unfortunately, that pushes you over the edge.
"Why do you have to be so pushy all the time? Oh my god, just leave me alone - why don't you get it? I'm not texting you cause I wanna be alone!"
He's dumbfounded, totally.
"What the hell, Y/N?"
But you're having none of it, sadly, too upset about this whole treatment, about Patrick constantly chasing you, glued to your back, not allowing you a single moment for yourself. You love him, but you need to be alone as well, "You're after me all the time - do you have an idea how frusttating that is? I can't be with you all the time, Pat. I'm not a robot, I need some time for myself too!"
And you know Patrick is quite an emotional guy, dependent too. He requires constant reassurance and presence of his loved ones - so much, that he's blind to all the hints of discomfort, unable to understand the world doesn't revolve around him.
"Oh," he nods, stepping away from your bed slowly, "Okay."
Like a harsh shake, the realisation that you have unintentionally hurt his feelings wakes you up. But you couldn't hold it back, you just couldn't, when you were so overwhelmed, "Wait, Patrick-"
"No no no," he cuts you off, "Good night."
And then you're left alone. But suddenly, you don't want to be alone. You want Patrick to come back, to be here, lay next to you and talk your ear off. To rant and rant and rant until you're asleep, unaware of anything he's saying, but snuggled closely to his side. Hurriedly, you pick up your phone and text him.
Y/N: pat [0:28 am]
Y/N: sorry [0:28 am]
Y/N: i'm sorry [0:28 am]
Y/N: come baxk [0:28 am]
Y/N: please [0:29 am]
Y/N: sorry [0:29 am]
Y/N: :( [0:29 am]
[seen by Patrick Zweig]
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ghost-rattan · 1 year
Text
Things I think bsd characters would be like while dating them
Inspired by things my bf dose and I do (Aku and chuuya inspired by bf dazai and atsushi inspired by me)
Warning: none just fluff
(Sorry if my gramma is bad)
Akutagawa
Masks a lot but feels safe with you so he doesn’t
Spoils you like you mention some thing you want BOOM next day it’s at your door
Amazing at listening! He loves your rants about stuff you like
Rants to you about work so you know every one at the mafias tea
He also rants about stuff he likes! Bro will talk about his little hypertensions to you all the time (I head-cannon him with autism)
You hate the people who hurt him (dazai)
He thinks that he’s not worth the kindness you show him but he really is!
Sucks at swimming but he tries (he’s secretly a cat)
On topic with cats he adores them <3
Man is smitten by you like you can’t do any thing wrong in his eyes
Chuuya
Kindest mf to you and the people he cares about
He hates being hated by others tho so he will pretend to be nice even if he hates them (only exception to this is dazai)
He fell hella fast for you (but you fell first let’s be fr here)
He tried to flirt but failed cause you didn’t pick up on it cause hey home boys hot you where to scared he was out of your league (he thought the same dw)
You confessed cause cause your friend picked up he had the fattest crush on you and when you did chuuya was like 😟😳😀😏
He will always say he’s gonna propose to you because hey you confessed it’s only fair!!
Will legit do any thing for you! Oh you wanna play this game BOOM he’s playing it with you! You want some new shoes good thing he is at the shops rn!
He will spend as much time with you possible!
If long distance and he can’t visit you prepare for sleep calls!
With that tho he will visit you all the time
Dazai
Dumbass is all I can say. You will be doing some thing ANY THING and he will make a dumb joke about it! Oh your hungry? Prepare for hi hungry im Dazai!
He loves listening to you ramble it’s his favourite thing! He loves seeing you excited and happy over what ever you are talking about!
He also masks a lot but with you he is his true self
He finds ways to make you smile all the time!
Once even made a scrap book of things that reminded him of you! He was hella embarrassed but kinda proud of it!
If some thing shitty happens he will rant about it a lot to you cause he needs to get it out and understand what went wrong or how he could have prevented it and a bunch more what ifs!
Big spoon! He loves cuddles and he loves having you in his arms it means so much to him!
Atsushi
Puts you on a pedestal because you are perfect and he can’t see a single flaw in you
He has a wall of photos of you him and his friends!
He’s low key done with peoples bs and like dazai rants to you about it a fair few times because he blames him self for everything that went wrong
Good cook! He likes making sweets!
Will talk about things he loves in big rants and Ofc will listen to your rants!
He doesn’t have good social knowledge so he won’t pick up stuff if you are hinting at it
Talks about you all the time to any one who will listen
Keeps notes of things about you
He sleeps early and if you have bad sleeping habits prepare for him to help you fix them but if you can’t he will happily just sleep while you do what you want :)
makes sure you take care of your self! Need I say more!
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midnightdevotion · 1 year
Text
Anyone Else
Requested: Can I get either a Bradshaw!reader or Mitchell!reader x Robert 'Bob' Floyd fic where the reader dated Jake before she ever met Bob, so when she meets the Dagger Squad as Bob's girl, it's the first time she's seen Jake since they broke up? Reader would be engaged or married to Bob and her and Jake would have ended on really bad terms. If this isn't up your alley and/or makes you uncomfortable feel free to ignore this request. Lots of love regardless! 🥰🥰🥰
Pairing: Bob x Bradshaw!Reader, Past jake Seresin x reader
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When bob first got called back to top gun you panicked. Not only was your husband called back but so was your brother and the closest thing you ever had to a father. You stressed everyday, hoping they would be safe and sound.
Two and a half weeks later when the mission was successful and bob had thankfully made it home safe and sound, he called you to let you know that the dagger squad was being made permanent and he would be coming home to help you pack up your house and move you both down to San Diego. Nothing sounded better than living near everyone you considered your family. In a whirlwind you two had packed up the house, put it on the market to sell and made an offer on a new house.
It didn't take long to sell your old home thankfully, and you two found a perfect home five minutes from the beach and close to work for bob. It all seemed like everything was falling perfectly into place.
Letting out a dreamy sigh as you look around the open floor plan for the home you just got the keys too, your husband turns to look at you.
"everything okay dear?" you can't help the grin you let shine on your face when you turn to look at your husband's concern.
"Everything is perfect." He gives you a soft smile and kiss on the forehead then continues voicing his thoughts on where you should hang the tv for least amount of glare during the day.
You listen to him rant about where he wants to put the couch and how he wants to hang your wedding photos, giving an occasional hum of agreement.
"oh and also I want you to meet my squad" this causes you to raise an eyebrow. Usually over protective bob keeps you away from the dirtbags in the airforce he's typically assigned to deal with. You didn't question that too much, because you have upfront experience with how most air force men are.
"you do?"
"Yeah- these guys- they're different and I want them to meet the most important person in my life"
"awe, of course I wanna meet them honey and I'm glad you are finally part of a team that aren't just egotistical assholes- though I know how Bradley can be" He laughs at your joke, but he knows how excited you really are at being able to live near everyone. Too often the navy drags people away from the ones they love, so you are both grateful for the chance that it brought you all together.
It's about six days later- after everything is unpacked and settled that you are meeting the rest of the dagger squad. Say what you want but bob is nothing but efficient when unpacking- and bossing maverick and Bradley around for help.
When you arrive at the beach- you are delighted to see Penny and Maverick rekindling their love. However, before you make it over to them Bradley rushes over.
"I have something I need to tell you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but I didn't think you would come and-"
"What is it?" you furrow your brow trying to look over your brothers shoulder. Bob looks just as confused as you do unsure as to what is making rooster so frazzled.
"Jake is here."
This confuses bob even further- because of course Jake is here?
"w-what" It feels like you take a shot of icy hot. both heat and freezing cold rushes through your veins.
"Does someone wanna clue me in?" You swallow and look up at your sweet husband- living proof that the sweet soft genuine love you always wanted does exist and you have it.
"Well- about 5 years ago, Jake and I were engaged..."
---Flashback---
It's late on a Friday night and you and your fiance Jake are laughing at an inside joke you two have. Your heart has never felt so full. You're both ignoring whatever movie you had turned on in the background- enjoying the night together instead.
In fact you remember spending the whole weekend like this- so wrapped up in each other- so in love that nothing else mattered. Laughter echo's the walls in your shared apartment.
That Sunday night- you giggled as he traced each of your features. Adamant that he would be able to memorize every piece of you, mind body and soul.
You just laughed at him and told him you'd be there for him to study every night. You didn't focus on his smile not reaching his eyes, nor the shaky breathe he let out.
You went to bed after a weekend that felt like a dream- a montage in a movie really.
And you woke up to a note on his empty bedside table saying I'm sorry- with his silver ring sitting on top.
-----
Bob knew the story- he knew everything about you and your past. Losing your father, losing your fiance and every other thing your brain would ever think of telling him.
He just didn't know that Jake was the ex fiance.
"I think I need a minute" Is all bob said- rubbing his hands down his face as he turns in the opposite direction for a walk.
"bob wait-" he turns and you can see the worry on his face- all his anxieties displayed right there.
"Honey- It'll be okay I just need a minute to process I promise"
and you understood- of course you did. If roles were reversed you don't know how okay you would be coming face to face with bob having an ex fiance and then it turning out to be someone that you would see everyday.
So you heave a sign and turn back to face rooster. Only he's twenty feet further away then you expected and he's blocking one very frantic Jake Seresin.
"Bradshaw just let me talk to her" You could see Bradley shake his head, but honestly you needed to clear the air. Hell you were married and happy- you've moved on.
"Bradley it's okay" your brother tenses his shoulders. You watch him tell Jake to stay put for one minute and he comes over to you.
"Are you sure? because if you're not sure or not ready to deal with all of this then say the word and we will go home and you can meet everyone another night" You laugh at his over protective big brother tone and shake your head.
"Bradley it was five years ago- I'm happily married I don't need to eat ice cream and cry about the past." you watch his serious face and he nods more than necessary
"Okay okay, but I will be right there and you just holler if you want me to kick his ass, I never got to the first time so" You just shove him away and watch as he does the I'm watching you signal to Jake.
You watch as Jake makes his way over to you, stopping with about three feet between you. The silence stretches for a minute, and he clears his throat.
"I- um Hi"
"hello" and you don't give anything more than that- the way you see it, you were ready to share every part of you for life with him and he threw it away. You don't owe him any more of you. You watch him- seeing the struggle in his green eyes you once knew so well. The ones you had nightmares about after he left. You watch as he heaves a sigh and tugs on his blond strands.
"I- I know words will never explain or show how truly sorry I am for how I treated you back then- for how I.... For how I ended things between us, I just want to say I'm so sorry. Genuinely I am so sorry and everyday I wake up and for a blissful three seconds I forget every stupid mistake I ever made and think I get to roll over and see your face but I never do..." His words shock you a little more than you thought they would. You never expected him to regret when he walked out that night. You figured he was a navy man through and through and navy men alway choose their jets over everything else.
You know that's not fair- that bob would choose you everyday of the week, but you watched it all your life. Jake knew that you watched Maverick choose his jet over ever settling down, you watched Bradley do the same, and then when Jake of all people did it to you- you never thought you would be able to mend that heartbreak.
The Irony of it was not only did you heal, you still chose a navy man who was in jets everyday.
When you first met bob you were smitten- so was he. However when you found out what he did and he watched your face turn sour- he thought he would never have a chance with you. He watched you distance yourself from him and bob was never good with confrontation so when he showed up drunk at your door asking why you suddenly didn't want him after you made him fall in love with you- you spilled everything.
Here the very reason that bob drunkely confessed to being in love with you stands before you and you can't help the heartache that surges through you. Not because your unhappy now- or that you would even change anything.
No the heartache surges through you because Jake looks lost. Like he left himself in your apartment that night and you left him there too when you moved places and moved on.
"Look Jake, did I hate you for a long time for what you did? Yes, but I've moved on, for so long I wanted this day to come- this apology to spill out of your mouth. Thinking someway the words would heal all the hurt you caused, and it doesn't. The hurt still happened, the pain is still a memory for me, but it grows more distant everyday and I'm really grateful. Jake as much as I loved you- I deserve someone that would choose me even when it's hard."
you watch as he swallows hard, nodding his head. You see the exact moment his eyes land on your left hand, the furrow in his brow and he takes in the shining diamond sitting delicately on your left hand. You see the shaky exhale he lets out.
"you found that then?" it's phrased as a question but you know it's more of a statement.
"yes, I found that" he nods and he looks everywhere but you.
"In another life... I would do things differently"
"I know" and you do, you can see his regret all over his face, you can see the heartache in his eyes- the same heartache that stared back at you in the mirror for months on end. You also know he will be okay, that he will heal and move on just like you did. You step closer, and rest your hand on his shoulder.
"things work out Jake, you'll be okay" and with that you step away, and make your way towards the rest of the group.
----
It takes bob a while to join the group again, and it has you worried. You never would've thought bob would be so hurt by this when he knew the story.
So when he joins the group in dog fight football but doesn't greet you know something isn't right. You try and let it going knowing when he is ready you two will talk but as the night progresses and he continues to ignore you, you start to get frustrated.
It's nearing the end of the day- bob just help score the last goal and his team won, the boys lift him up and start chanting his name which makes you grin.
They finally all make their way back over to you and Penny- who has been a great soundboard for how stressful today has been for you.
"That was great honey" you send bob a sweet smile- hoping that playing whatever insane version of football that was helped get his frustrations out.
"thanks." and he turns to talk to Phoenix. Penny shoots you a glance and you just sigh.
When everyone moves inside the bar to keep the party going, you make your rounds in getting to know everyone now that they aren't running around like maniacs.
However, during this bob strategically always seems to be on the opposite end of the bar from you. When it reaches a point that you are socially drained and talked to everyone you move to the bar, and sit by yourself nursing whatever drink penny concocted for you.
You're starting to get tired but whenever you try to get bobs attention he turns his body another direction. It reached a point where you are so frustrated that you call an uber.
"penny I'm gonna head- If bob asks I got an uber home" her eyebrows shoot up in surprise but she agrees to pass on the information, and watches you leave.
---
Now bob might've been mad- not really at you and he knows that. God he knows that, but he's so mad because he didn't realize jake was the Jake and he's mad at himself because he feels so insecure. How could you want someone like bob over someone like Jake.
He's really mad because he's scared. He is so in love with you, but what if you want jake back? What if you want to leave him now because your real love, your first love was never really bob?
What does he do when every time he looks at you, he sees you saying your leaving him, that you're sorry but it was never him and it never will be?
So when he turns around because he has been checking on you every five minutes- he has a timer on his watch so he doesn't do it too often and your gone he panics.
His eyes frantically search the bar- and he hates that when his eyes land on jake standing with coyote he's relieved that you aren't right there.
He searches the bar high and low, and still nothing. He waits, because maybe you just went to the bathroom but when ten minutes have passed and he realizes that is unlikely he anxiously makes his way to penny.
"penny where is she" and penny doesn't even have to look up to know it's bob asking about you.
"she went home"
"home- but- I drove"
"she took and uber" he swallows hard at that. Thinking of every time he saw an article about a woman getting attacked in an uber- You were alone out there with some stranger all because bob couldn't get his shit together.
So he hightails it out of there, and he drives home maybe a little quicker than he should. He gets home and all he sees is the light you left on in the entry way when you left, and he panics even more- where are you?
He rushes to your room, feeling like he is going to vomit up his own heart any second now. He sees the bathroom light on to your shared bathroom and the rush of relief cools his veins like he just got a cold glass of water in the Sahara.
He flings the bathroom door open and sees you jump as you wash your face.
"god bob you scared me" you mutter, trying to rid the soapy bubbles from your face.
"I am so so sorry honey" this causes you to look at him through the mirror.
"for scaring me or ignoring me today." your statement isn't angry, just blunt.
"both... god I'm sorry I was an ass today"
"yeah you were, care to explain?" you watch and he swallows.
"I'm so sorry darling, I was just so gutted with fear when I realized that Jake was your Jake and I realized maybe--- maybe you would want to leave me and take him back and god why wouldn't you he looks way better than me and then i go and treat you like shit on top of it, makes it an easy choice doesn't it and-"
"bob" you cut him off from his rant.
"I do not want to get back with Jake. I married you because I love you, with my whole soul, you make me laugh and you make so so very happy, even my best days with Jake don't compare to how happy I am with you every day." you watch his shoulder sag in relief. You make your way towards him, and pull him in close for a hug.
"I never want to hear you say that you aren't attractive, honey you are the most attractive man I have ever met, physically, emotionally, and in every other way imaginable." you hope he can see all the love you have for him shining in your eyes.
He hugs you back and squeezes like he really thought you might disappear on him and that breaks your heart more than anything else ever could.
"when I said I do honey, it's because I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life, nobody else. I love you more than anything or anyone else in the world and that will never change."
"I love you so much darling, I am so sorry I was stupid.... Please never uber anywhere again though they are so dangerous and I would've given you a ride" and you laugh at his antics because even clouded in his own insecurity and heartache he was worried about your safety.
Maybe that's why it was always meant to be bob, not anyone else. Bob may have bad days just like everyone else but above all else he cares so much it just scares him. You needed someone like bob to care for you after losing so much and he needed someone like you to choose him and soothe his worries away when they get to be too loud.
"it could never be anyone else"
you repeat the words a million times that night, and when you think about it, even the best weekend you ever had with Jake doesn't compare to everyday you have with Bob. It really could never have been anyone else.
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theywantedplayer · 1 year
Note
“I've been in love with you for years!” prompt with auston matthews please !!!!
 
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PromptList
another failed date is what you just went on and the only reason you went on it in the first place was to get over Auston. You’ve been in love with him for years. U2 ended up living together since you were still in university, you didn’t wanna move in at first, but you knew it wasn’t going to be a good idea because of your crush on him. But you couldn’t pay for your apartment and university so you gave in
I don’t think you were excited for the date. He was nice and he was a gentleman and you really thought you could go past the first date but apparently he didn’t feel the same time. In his words, I’m just not feeling it so you went home with your shoes off and got the attention of Auston, who is still in the same place sitting on the couch.
I’m not feeling it was what you said to him standing in front of him, hands on your hips
“Huh?”
“ that’s what he said “I’m not feeling it” who the fuck says it like that!” you ranted
“so I take it it wasn’t good” he asked pausing the TV
“ yeah, no shit it was Aust…… I liked him” you continued “he clearly didn’t feel the same way like every other fucking guy” you said, defeated, walking towards your bedroom
“hey come on don’t say that” Auston tried as he got up to follow you, but you stopped in your bedroom door way
“these dates are pointless anyways” you shrug, turning into your room, Auston hot behind you 
“I’ve come to learn that men aren’t attracted to me” 
“ok stop that” Auston told grabbing your arm and spinning you around
You love how close he was in the hated that you loved it
“ you need to get it out of your damn head that men don’t find you attractive, because we both know that’s not true” he argued “ after every damn date you pick yourself a part and you shouldn’t,fuck y/n there is nothing fucking wrong with you. These guys are just fucking stupid”
Auston was mad, you could tell from the way his chest heaved as he breathed, and how he ran his hands through his hair. You were mad, the man you’ve been in love with saying all of this to you when you knew he didn’t feel the same way piss you off.
“ why do you even fucking care” you snap back at him
“cause I’m fucking in love with you I’ve been in love with you for years” he yelled  Auston couldn’t believe what he was saying. He’s been holding in his feelings for years, and they finally got the better of him
“ I hate seeing you get all dressed up for the stupid guys, guys that should be me. You say that guys don’t find you attractive but I’m crazy about you. I love everything about you since the day that I met you!!” When he finished speaking, he took a deep breath
There was silence between both of you, and Austin was praying that you would say something to him. He couldn’t bear the silence after he just confessed his love to you.
“Fuck y/n please say something”
You didn't know what to say, but at the same time you've always practiced what you’d say but know thats its right here in front of you, you froze. Auston’s heart dropped at the sight of you just staring at him and not saying what he needed you to say. He took a couple step’s back running his hands over his face
“Fuck” he groaned he knew he fucked up, “Fuck y/n im so sorry, I should have just kept my mouth shut” When he turned back to you, he felt like he wanted to cry.
“You love me?” you spoke quietly, staring at him in dissalef 
“Of course I do” he answered 
You took a couple steps forward so you were now right in front of him, You stared at him before you spoke
“I-i Love you too” You whispered 
Auston responded by smashing his lips into your’s, his hand pressing up the back of your neck and running through your hair and the other pressing you against him from your lower back. You gripped Auston’s hair. Auston groaned into the kiss, it was passion, you gasped when you felt him slightly pull on your hair giving him a chance to slip his tongue into the kiss. 
When you two pulled away you were out of breath, you both were smiling brightly at each other. Years of waiting finally paid off. Auston pulled you close, resting his chin on top of your head.
“You love me” you smiled
Auston looked down at you smiling “I do love you” he said kissing you softly 
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saintmagx · 5 months
Text
call it what you want 🎶
Grayson Waller x Reader
An: I just loved this idea and had to write about it! Also not sure what Scarlett goes by irl so I’m giving her the nickname Beth cause I think that’s what I’d actually call her 🤔
‼️ warnings: swearing, use of real names, not proof read, we are dramatic asf, Grayson is dumb and oblivious but we love him, not really much substance just a little short story‼️
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“No, absolutely not.”
“Matty please?”
“Yn I’m sorry i just can’t. I’ve spent so much time trying to be the bad guy, if I go, I lose all credibility. I’m sure if you ask Trin and Beth, they would go with you.”
“Trin is bringing Jon and Beth is bringing Kevin. I will literally be third wheeling everyone. Know what? Just forget I asked. It’s fine.” Upset, i storm off.
Taylor Swift. Taylor fucking Swift was the cause of this argument. The Eras tour was finally heading to Florida and i had tickets for us and our friends to go, however between purchasing the tickets and the actual concert itself, Matty decided - no wait sorry Grayson fucking Waller decided to start beef with the swifties - Rendering his attendance impossible.
Grabbing my phone I do what literally everyone else does when they need to rant about their man. Put it in the group chat for the girls to back you up.
Me
Matty says he isn’t going to the concert 😢
Trin
Girl I’m sorry. That boy is dumb as hell. Why he starting beef knowing we had this concert?
Beth
Men are dumb - screw him, we will still have fun girl 💕
Me
Honestly I don’t even wanna go now, yall can find someone to take our place.
Trin
No no no we ain’t gon do that. You’re gonna get you fine ass dressed to impress and you are gonna come to the concert with us.
Beth
Honestly yn it wouldn’t be the same without you there, please come - I’ll make sure your glass is always full 😜
Trin
I second that! Come on girl.
Me
Know what you girls are right, screw Matty. I’m still gonna go and enjoy myself. Drinks on yall though - promise is a promise 😚
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Friday Night Smackdown
Backstage I stand with Trin who is currently warming up for her match tonight.
“We haven’t really spoke about it to be honest. I know I’m being over dramatic but he knew how excited I was for this concert.” I complain
A familiar scent fills my senses. A strong pair of arms wrap round my waist enclosing me in a tight embrace.
“There’s my girl, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He says.
“Well you’ve found me, now I gotta go get ready for my match.” I say u wrapping myself from Mattys grasp.
“I’ll see you out there Trin.” I announce before quickly leaving, leaving him confused.
“Boy, you done fucked up.” Trin
“What did I do wrong?” He says.
Shaking her head she replies “the fact that you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong makes this whole thing even worse.”
“Come on Trin, help me out.” He pleads
“The concert Matt, she was looking forward to you and her going and you’ve let her down. Do you know she wasn’t even going to go because of it? This is something she loves and wanted to experience it with you. You better get your shit together and sort it out before the gig.”
“Fuck!” He says letting out a huge sigh. He didn’t mean to hurt yn, he knew she was looking forward to the concert but didn’t think it would be a big deal if he wasn’t there.
“This whole swiftie thing has just got out of hand, but don’t worry Trin, I’ll fix it!”
“You better.”
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Day of Era’s concert
Perfect you say to yourself.
You and the girls had decided to dress up as your favourite Era. You had gone with Lover era. Standing looking the mirror you had found the perfect dress, a pink off the shoulder tulle mini dress, it was the epitome of lover - and of course your outfit wouldn’t be complete without and arm full of friendship bracelets ready to swap with all the other attendees.
You had sent off a text to Trin and Beth to tell them you were ready to leave. A small knock at the bedroom door startles you slightly, knowing it would be Matty you tell him to come in. Turning around you are met with Matty dressed up with pink trousers - similar to the shade of your dress. A white Taylor swift T-shirt and and a few little friendship bracelets on his arm.
“We ready to go babe?” He asks
“I thought you weren’t coming?”
“I wasn’t, but I didn’t stop to think how much you wanted me to be there, and how much I wanted to be there with you. I want to have all these experiences with you and I can’t do that if I’m sitting at home.”
He walks closer to me and takes hold of my hands, looking into my eyes he continues.
“I love you so much yn, no swiftie beef is gonna stop me from making your dreams and wishes come true.”
He leans down and tenderly kisses my lips.
“I love you too Matty, you have no idea how much this all means to me.”
The truth is he did know how much it meant to yn. He could see it in her eyes and he made a silent promise to himself that he would never again be the reason her eyes were filled with sadness.
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Thank you for reading whatever the hell this was. Appreciate the likes and reposts.
If you want tagged let me know! 💕
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@blueflowermentality
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