#sorry for being a little gay on main im just overwhelmed with feelings. i love her so much

[cimicherrychanga]

aaaaghhh im going insane i love my wife so much!!!!!!!!

[windupaidoneus]

tell me more abt the roleswap au i LOVE those sorts of things and want to know what you're cooking

Oh Lird.

so...... azem hades & emet-selch lachesis eh.... giggles a little. kicks a rock. falls to my knees. there's so much evil shit going on there. there's going to be post edw spoilers SORRY not my fault.

in that au hades is a lot more. well. azem-like. not quite like how venat or canon azem would be but he does go around helping people, though he reiterates he's "simply doing his job" everytime people thank him. lachesis on the other hand is uhhhh a lot more Visibly Stressed because of Bureaucracy (he was not meant for this desk job life someone save him). they still work pretty well off of each other due to balancing each other out in Different ways there, but lachesis frequently jokes about how they probably should swap jobs, though he's quick to add that it Is just jokes bc he feels hades would get far too invested as emet-selch to a possibly unhealthy degree. (staring directly into the camera as i say this)

they had a very similar start friendship wise, not much point in changing it, it's just that through a twist of fate (funny cuz lachesis. one of the fates. Anyway) they ended up swapping seats. & in fact hades got his first, & vouched for lachesis hard as fuck! lachesis does not have hades' soul sight but #hesanempath so its ok (im joking but also. idk it makes sense To Me)

in this au the plan to summon zodiark is still something lachesis disagrees with, however by that point he's too overwhelmed by what's happening to express his opinion & when hades opposes himself to it he's genuinely baffled (not in a bad way. in a gay way.). when he does try to speak his mind after zodiark's summoning (he waited a bit bc of. seeing the azem seat struck) it feels like something is actively preventing him (that would be zodiark's tempering), & losing the agency to express himself really got to him like. quick. rapidly felt like he was losing his mind, Which He Was LOL!, & try as he might to resist zodiark's influence i think he fell to it relatively quickly. especially after the sundering. his coworkers were, i reiterate, ELIDIBUS & LAHABREA. man i would let zodiark do whatever the fuck he wants too

more seriously though they do have some kind of divorce as well but uhhhh different... hades definitely expressed hurt at lachesis choosing THAT time to keep his mouth shut. disappointment that he'd be so unwilling to risk his seat. & lachesis tried to explain but the moment he got accused of essentially being a coward he lost all explanations he could muster up & kinda fell over himself emotionally. he'd wished to try & change the convocation's minds individually after the decision was made but. that was before they erased the azem seat. it happened relatively swiftly & by that point it felt like he was stuck there. he would've had more hope he could do something about it if elidibus hadn't been chosen to be the heart of zodiark probably... i don't think they're As close in this au as they are in the og timeline (in which lachesis absolutely tried dissuading him even after his seat was struck) so he wouldn't feel like he can try to argue with him specifically. he's familiar with lahabrea but the man is wayyy more duty-bound than himself. he might have a chance with loghrif but loghrif & he wouldn't sway the entire convocation. he felt incredibly powerless, & he hadn't even been able to defend hades. that & hythlodaeus being sacrificed to summon zodiark were two of his biggest regrets that zodiark's tempering would latch onto & worsen so so much over time, & his main motivation to bring about the rejoinings is to be able to see them again, & apologise to them. & probably die after ensuring they can live happy lives honestly

igeyorhm fucking over the thirteenth made lachesis MAD AS FUCK. also deeply upset & increasingly stressed. he is acutely aware the rest of the rejoinings wouldnt be enough to bring back the old world & having this one reflection become impossible to rejoin is going to torment him for a long long time. i think he'd spend a lot of his free time trying to work out how to reverse it, but elidibus would always be tasking him with some new shit, interrupting his work & whatnot. in fact, if it didnt fuck up the flow of the story, i'd even imagine he is more likely to align himself with the wol (in this case hades shard) in post edw than in shb since what post edw is about is like. finding ways to reverse the uh, voidening of the thirteenth. it would perfectly align with his goals is the problem. butttt that is not how the story goes. playing his part in shb is sort of elidibus' design but a lot of it is him still, he's not Happy about it bc he'd reallyratherbeworkingonthevoidoverthere but UGH the warrior of light is causing problems FIIINE he'll do it. & well. what surprise! here he is. hades' shard. wielding 'black magic' as he always would yet aided by the blessing of light. how ironic! he himself is far more proficient in wielding 'white magic' but now works alongside zodiark. (a reminder of how much he despises doing what he's doing. he'd forgotten. makes him feel even more powerless. whoa! so cool. he WILL die with a smile on his face)

i need to name the hades shard. i know i do. it will happen. once i've decided if i want him to be a viera or a miqo'te 😂!!!

until then though ☝️ relatively similar to, well, hades in personality, though a lot less reluctant to express affection or approval. kind of assumes he's having really fucking weird daydreams even when everyone's telling him hydaelyn is speaking to him & ooo it's the blessing of light, why are there two ladybugs in my room??, kinda washes over him really. he keeps reiterating he's doing what he's doing not because he's anybody's champion (regardless of whether he is or not) but because he wants to & people better not attribute his deeds to some otherworldly power who could not make him do ANYTHING he does not want to do. HE did it, of his own volition, & if he'd wanted to let the world burn he very well could've. he does have a burning desire to do the right thing & save the world no matter what happens to him though. sad! hydaelyn's perfect chosen whether he likes it or not :/ needless to say he fucking loathes zenos & does not ever come close to forgiving gaius for what he's done. gets along with alisaie horribly well. alphinaud too but he unconditionally enables alisaie (& krile too) when they torment him. It's Fun For Him. good friends with y'shtola as well, gets on pretty well with urianger but like... starting in post shb. before that he's like Really Fucking Sick of the secrecy shit & urianger never saying what he Means. beefs with thancred entirely too much. would've legitimately killed ser grinnaux over the tataru & alphinaud trial & is very very VERY happy he gets to actually do it later.

& his canon jobs are blm, smn/sch, whm & drk!!!!! whm because well. he does feel a strange pull toward white magic. surely this means nothing (his lover in a past life looming ominously over him)

the way these two work in shb is. ughhhh. buh. lachesis is far freakier than hades as emet but he also poses himself as a lot more likable. overall a deeply unsettling character, but he's so certain things can work out with the power of friendship!! 💖 yeah, fuck zodiark anyway! 🎉 (he is fully planning on backstabbing the scions with the sole purpose of getting himself killed)

hades shard does recognise lachesis' soul colour (he has that. yeah.) but can't place it. all he knows is that this isnt Right, this lachesis isnt Right & whatever he is now is hardly more than a shadow of who he once was, this he believes. this makes him relatively closed off from the get go while lachesis is a lot more inviting & friendly, but as time goes on lachesis withdraws more & more, prompting hades shard to fill in the space he left by reaching out himself. lachesis is sort of tricking him into it to make the betrayal sting more, & push him to pull no punches once the final confrontation arises. hades shard is determined to put an end to this not just because of all the suffering lachesis has caused others & himself but also for lachesis' sake. ending this madness. this eternity of misery he's clearly trapped himself into. lachesis is a lot... crabbier & gloomier during the final confrontation, but again he dies with a smile on his face, with thanks & an apology to hades shard. & of course post shb hits hades shard like a brick. & then edw hits him like another brick. because it's lachesis in elpis instead of hades. yep

wait i just realised i could name hades shard after the minion. aidoneus.!!? since it's also the name i have him publicly take after he comes back & changes his face & everything to avoid unwanted attention... omg... aidoneus roquefort real? & lachesis can take on the name hildegarde if he brings himself back? (which tbh hes more likely to do than hades was so. ? happy ending for all. idc)

elpis facking sucks for him obviously... to be seeing the man whose life he ended out of pity & compassion back when he was happier? when he was with who himself used to be, back when the world was Better for them? it sucks! it sucks. telling the story of his present is something he does very much reluctantly but he does not mince his words, & lachesis immediately like. accepts it as truth. he fully believes he would do all this & he's mortified. rather than pass judgement of any kind on it though he quickly excuses himself to "collect his thoughts". probably has a meltdown to hyth one on one about it & is like We Have To Tell Azem This Is Really Bad We Can't Let This Happen but they cant tell azem so they dont. & he's definitely not as relaxed as hades is when kairos erases their memories! more like. "(nervous chuckle) well shucks. sorry for everything in advance. go get 'em for us, yeah?" &. ouhhh. lies down face first. AIDONEUS IS UPSET!!! but also more determined than ever to set things Right & put a stop to the world ending shit. the weight of the world IS on his shoulders but he's been lifting since day one in preparation for this so he can do it.

idk. i'm not exactly running out of things to say but idk how much i shoudl say. yippee. have at thee

[rv2xlga]

its that time of the night again.

its 4 am, the eepiness is calling me but the voices are louder so ive come on here to rant abt shuake instead of doing smth productive like drawing❤️ i waste away ranting abt shuake on tumblr to drown out my sadness and overwhelming nostalgia at random times of the day, how wonderful!

i did one of those song association annotation thingies to capable of love by pinkpantheress (she’s so queen may i add) and it got me thinking so much about shuake and just as of late ive been thinking of them bc schl is ending so i finally have time to replay and play the games like p3 or tactica and q1/2 and be able to focus my time on them and also bc im seeing a psychiatrist very soon from now! which makes me think abt shuake a lot bc they are like. HUGE projection dolls for me and i think on that.. quite often especially akechi since he’s the main one for me, the one more personal to me. i think abt his bpd and mentally unwell brain quite often (lol) and i think the way their love is is just very fascinating to me.

i guess its nice or interesting i guess, to see the way i feel and view love be shown in a character so out of the blue. the way akechi’s love is for akira can be viewed this way and again, i think it’s all very interesting. i love shuake so much for this reason and what i wanted to talk about mostly today is how much they truly mean to each other. This is one thing i hate ppl in fandom spaces for bc they always manage to find SOMEWAY to ruin any nuances anything COULDVE had (ik atlus did not try past queerbaiting lmfao) and i hate how to anyone else not apart of these spaces but aware of them just sees anyone talking abt a ship and specifically any popular gay ship and is so quick to assume like wait i actually care lol 😭 and i bring this up bc i really love to view their characters like akira and akechi’s characters individually through the shuake lenses and perspective. tbh i dont really care for persona outside of them and obviously a few other things of course but shuake is the real reason why im even fixated on that game still in the first place so of course, naturally i will focus on this.

i love to think on how akechi subconsciously views akira in his head. i like to interpret akechi as just a nerd girlboy who has a little crush and all the fun cutesy things abt being a teen or whatever 😆 i think that’s all so cute and fun for him and i believe its so him and i love to view him as the teen he is, the child inside of him that’s ridiculous and goes off for hours ranting about his favorite things repeating himself over and over until he tires himself out or the lovey dovey part of him that thinks about akira in random parts of his day and cant stop giggling and smiling at a simple text yk like all the cutie things ☹️ it doesn’t remove nuance and it doesn’t remove character bc thats how teens act, obviously not as stereotypical as i described but that’s how ridiculous we are sometimes! and i love to think on how he views all these big horrible issues in a simple lenses.

doing the song associations with so many taylor songs and then a pink one really reminded me of this bc of the fact that taylor’s (OLD) lyrics are just so serious and more “mature” and i mostly mean folklore and evermore bc im talking abt cardigan specifically rn (that song is just so akechi im sorry) to now doing capable of love bc pink’s lyrics are simple! not bad just obviously more simple so i get to really view akechi in these lenses. I get to have that minute of writer relief even if he isnt my character but yk wtv ig😞 anywhoanywho, again, i love to view akechi in a simple lenses as the simple teen girl he is, its fun and why particularly? bc i personally feel it adds so much more depth to their dynamic. akechi has. ALL these problems going on, akira does too but they still make time for each other and ik i dont focus on akira much (im so fake lmao) but he plays into this just as much! although the council of the world has decided for him he must save it not them, he still makes friends with the enemy and enjoys their time together as if none of that wouldve mattered. he still loves unconditionally like if nobody was going to take that all away from him someday and i think thats so beautiful.

akechi still loves akira so much as if they really were together and akira loves him just the same. akechi is going through all these problems mentally and on the outside but still that child part of that craved love and connection/affection seeps through and overtakes him and his emotions, allowing his crow persona to like be free ig? and of course, that was not the only reason i like to think that it couldve been a part, even a teensy part bc again, they are just kids in love lmfao (so cringe) and yes, it is going to be cringe and a bit ridiculous BUT ITS SO SERIOUS YALL DONT UNDERSTAND

the way im not even done unpacking 25 PERCENT OF THEM YET there’s just so much depth that can be added to their connection, i love them they are so cringe-friendly i hate atlus but god bless shuake frfr 🙏🙏 but i just wanted to highlight this a bit bc i felt like i didnt enough in the insta story and tbh still but yk, to get some of it off my chest. i love gay people i can project on always a great flavor im off to my cave of inner thoughts now hopefully i knock tf out ❤️

[plounce]

my Concepts for aj2

so these are my thoughts and ideas about the game that would follow aa4 in a timeline where we got a coherent apollo trilogy rather than aa5 and aa6. as such, i am discarding aa5 and aa6′s apollo backstories because i find them incoherent as an arc and only slapped onto him for the plots of the games. etc etc. theorizing on squandered potential is me-bait. trucy and klavier get to have THEIR place in the narrative as important characters!! (sorry athena. you will get your own trilogy with good writing and a better design in this timeline too)

this is very stream of consciousness and while i think it’s fairly coherent it is also not chronologically organized as i build on ideas. i am genuinely sorry if the read more doesn’t work on mobile because this thing is stupid long.

containing:

apollo, trucy, and klavier being a firm Trio and getting character development and growing closer :)

themes about found family, letting yourself love/be loved, performance and persona, love giving you strength to do good, you being the one to determine your identity

exploration of the trio’s backstories and the development of their skills

prosecutor franziska chipping away at the corruption within the legal system

klavier being the assistant for a case

kristoph continuing to be a corrupt bastard

buildup to the sibling reveal & canon klapollo in the conclusion of the trilogy

- apollo is the main character

- phoenix is absent for like the entire game besides maybe a couple tiny flashbacks, later revealed to be working with edgeworth on anti-corruption stuff (which is also tied to kristoph & kristoph’s ties within the legal system, “old boys club” etc)

- trucy is assistant for first half of the game

- klavier is assistant for second half of the game. his hair is in a little bun or ponytail :) no drill hair for THIS individual person

- klavier is prosecutor for trucy assistant cases. in the 3rd case klavier was supposed to prosecute against apollo but things keep getting fishier and fishier and things keep reminding them of kristoph. klavier is ordered off the case from on high. mysterious replacement. klavier is too invested in seeing truth & justice come to light so he helps apollo

- franziska prosecutes cases 3 & 4. she has short hair and it’s super sexy and hot.

- kristoph set things up so that klavier is implicated in things. dig into how klavier and apollo feel unable to escape kristoph’s influence - “he’s too foundational”

- 4th case klavier is on trial. oh maybe 3 isn’t about kristoph but it’s just background stuff about the rampup to the 4th case - klavier is put on probation while things are investigated but he doesn’t know WHY, but he’s still committed to his ideals

- trucy is pursuing her magic career, klavier still loves music - has been releasing solo stuff maybe, just some EPs for free/charity, but isn’t touring. focusing on law

- case 4 has a family friend (NOT A WOMAN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD... A MALE DAMSEL PLEASE) get accidentally poisoned through something klavier gave them. that’s the trial itself. kristoph was the source. klavier is arrested. it’s more complicated that this but it gets to this point. day 2 of the trial is when klavier is implicated and he gets yanked into cuffs from the defense bench

- one of case 4′s pillars is a memory from the gavin brothers’ childhood. discuss how kristoph was as a child. klavier has been realizing how... odd certain things were, and trying to pass it off as like “haha yeah kristoph would dissect dead birds and convince our parents that every mess was my fault. i guess that makes sense considering how he ended up haha? I Don’t Feel Strongly About This I Just Think It’s Funny :)”

- apollo’s perceive abilities expanding to be able to perceive general emotional states as well - along with learning to practice more empathy, being considerate. No Klavier And Trucy, You Are Not Fine. this is kind of like athena’s thing actually huh

- trucy, meanwhile, is learning to be more like. emotionally... independent? no. emotionally... self-caring. both independent in that she’s a young adult and also caring in that she is trying not to force herself to take care of everyone all the time and show her less pretty emotions to apollo. take care of herself

- case 1 has to do with something happening at trucy’s show/her career/her school etc. she’s still a real person etc. trucy’s friends mostly being adults, her feeling isolated at school. nah wait this is a slightly absurd world she’s not overly weird for her classmates necessarily. yeah ok it’s about magic

- case 2 has to do with klavier being a rockstar, the pressure of celebrity and public fascination with his persona. stalker fans, music industry, talk shows, etc. someone trying to convince him to come back to music. klavier has to arrest someone he’s fond of again. no big stadium performance in this game

- the trio all dealing with themes of hiding and trying not to feel “bad” emotions: apollo going “im fine” and suppressing his problems & just trying to do his job so he can cope with how overwhelmed & stressed he feels constantly etc etc + trucy hiding the secrets of her magic which is sort of representative of her hiding a lot of her sad/”ugly” feelings because she thinks she needs to because she thinks phoenix depends on her being cheerful all the time + klavier dealing with having a public persona and the pressures of being Himself, trying to be the person others see him as/want him to be, who is klavier when he is not performing? who are all of them when they are not performing? who are they performing for?

- yes i am a “woman” yes i am obsessed with the idea of performance

- trio all dealing with/feeling lonely wrt family: apollo learning more about jove (possibly during the music industry case - someone knew his dad, who refused a big contract), who he was & one of the cases involving someone from his past in the foster system - maybe it’s even clay! - but in general feeling very disconnected from “family” in general esp compared to trucy&klavier’s family troubles being so immediate and raw for them + trucy feeling lonely and kind of abandoned as phoenix is increasingly gone in this game and seeming very distant from her, similar to how zak abandoned her, and also the pains of growing up + klavier’s parents either are dead or are somewhat estranged after he got kristoph imprisoned, klavier feeling very lonely in general after his pursuit of truth&justice has snipped many of his connections from him

- yes i am gay yes i am obsessed with found family

- franziska having a moment of “i get how it is and it sucks” with klavier about Complicated Feelings About Family

- she eventually does realize during case 4 that klavier is guilty but has to hide it in order to push one of kristoph’s allies out into the open. sorry kid uh... what do you like. i will buy you. an ice cream? or something. look do you want a gift card i’ll buy you a gift card

- kristoph’s lawyer shows up near the start of the game to give things to apollo which he is deeply suspicious of but ema tests them and they come up clean. guy shows up here and there throughout the game. maybe tries to bribe apollo or something. apollo gets invited to a Fancy Lunch because he’s the one that bested kristoph gavin and that shows Promise. in a sense. or something. apollo being manipulated by people who refused to hire him when he got kristoph convicted etc

- themes about being young in a world full of secrets and webs of alliance that you feel barred from because you have ideals and won’t compromise them and also either come from nothing or burned all your bridges. just aa protag things <3

- oh maybe there’s a new judge who is also In On Nefarious Plots

- catching these people doesn’t fix everything but - it’s something. they got a couple shitheads

- trucy continues developing her gramarye abilities. more emotional depth. more exploration on complex feelings wrt phoenix and her childhood and her adolescence and how she’s fairly well-adjusted as one can be but also... the shit still hits yk... she’s like 16 years old so she’s maturing

- ema is there. she and apollo get along a bit better. asks after phoenix. provides evidence against klavier, and then evidence for.

- followup on apollo-edgeworth klavier-phoenix parallels - who is the one bringing them further into the light, chaser/chased, the one who wants more/the one who pushes away, etc etc

- follow through on implied gramarye mafia connections

- klavier isn’t super in the first case besides the courtroom and maybe one appearance, but he is like. worried about trucy if there is cause to be worried about her. set up their dynamic beyond trucy just liking the gavinners

- trucy&apollo and klavier&kristoph compares&contrast

- franziska is(/appears to be) very doubting/dismissive of apollo’s belief in klavier bc it’s like... are you pursuing the truth? or trying to shield your friend?

- apollo does end up almost very close believing klavier was in kahoots with kristoph/kristoph’s friends because it just looks. really bad. like it genuinely looks VERY BAD. and he’s like “i have to find truth like prosecutor von karma said”. yknow how with a lot of aa cases it starts out “oh no it looks open and shut” and then is like “NO WAY THEY COULD HAVE DONE IT... BUT HUH”. this one is reverse. and then straightens back out again. dig the hole then climb back out

- yeah the theme is like. “are you trying to find truth or do you want to protect your loved ones. what is your duty as a person, your job or your loved ones.” this carries through on klavier’s thread from aa4 where he has to work against his loved ones. meanwhile apollo, who is a bit more cool-tempered irritable grump, is the one going “oh god, am i biased towards my friends?” so it sort of flips. what kind of stories will you weave to clear your friends of blame? kristoph’s boys club.

- echo back to “evidence is everything” - this line of thinking (in a certain way) is what saves klavier when kristoph is trying to punish him for his betrayal

- since phoenix is away, the gramarye siblings aren’t revealed yet. but more info is dropped to compensate - stuff about jove and apollo’s childhood in the foster system and how that’s shaped him into someone who keeps people at arm’s length to keep himself safe; trucy and apollo getting closer despite that, trucy busting down those barriers because she needs his support and he’s like “oh my god i have to support her.” older sibling stuff.

- maybe the trucy case involves like. a mafia guy trying to collect on debts or smth and tries to ruin trucy, and threatens apollo. there’s a hint that is very obvious to the audience but is like “wow apollo he thought you were my brother!” like the mafia guy calls apollo “the other child” and apollo is like “hey, i’m 24!” which is humorous but also the audience is like Oh My God I Know What That Means

- there isn’t a deliberate withholding of information from phoenix - he literally is not there to withhold it. but there is still tension and stakes and weight to their relation - apollo keenly feeling his absence of family and trucy feeling sort of abandoned by phoenix

- phoenix is like “ok trucy you’re almost an adult so i’m trusting you to stay safe and responsible while i’m away. apollo will technically be in charge but i’m still trusting you” and privately to apollo is like “If Anything Bad Happens To Her. Your Head Is On The Line.” so it is just them making it on their own

- klavier drops the line “watching you two is like what kristoph and i should have had” and then there’s a couple “...” dialogue boxes as the audience is like I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS and then apollo is like “... are you for real comparing me to kristoph.” haha funny but also THERE IT IS

- very carefully walked tightrope. acknowledged enough that there is still tension/suspense around it but not too much as to be slightly infuriating

- before the last case trucy gets mad at apollo for something - trucy is allowed by the narrative to be angry for real. stand up for herself. trucy and apollo come back together to defend klavier. they see each other in the detention center when theyre still mad at each other - trucy was visiting klavier (he wasn’t there for the fight). “you made fraulein trucy very mad, hm?” then during the trial trucy busts in dramatically with important help when things look very bad for klavier

- aj3 has emotional revelations/high points of the trio - siblings reveal and klapollo canon. aj2 is a lot of building of these connections and building suspense and tension. more more more of these relationships before they emerge fully formed in aj3

- the last trial echoes the “im the only one who can save prosecutor gavin” or whatever gay thing apollo says in the last trial of aa4 because he literally is. just a lot of hinting and them getting along. case 3 is very important because that’s when it’s just them and it’s “oh! we work well together! we’re complementary!”

- implement the dual investigation mechanic from dgs so it does feel collaborative

- just build on the fact that klavier is the first friendly, helpful, cooperative prosecutor. he wants to help you. make that a very positive, very important feeling while still making it extremely enjoyable

- resolves in “you can have truth AND the ones you love”. or smth like that but more nuanced. it’s very inspirational and sentimental etc

- you get to meet vongole and it’s a Pet The Dog moment for klavier. look! how nice he is. he truly loves this insanely sweet and lovable dog. trucy is enamored with vongole as well. “it’s strange that she was kristoph’s dog, hm? with how affectionate she is.” “well, i guess being owned by kristoph doesn’t means she’s an equally bad dog ... ER i mean--” “hm, you always struck me as a cat person, herr forehead?” “uh - well yeah, you’re right. but... that doesn’t mean i don’t think vongole is a pretty great dog.” IMPLICATIONS. SUBTEXT. TASTE IT IN THE AIR

- oh there’s definitely a moment in case 2 when you get to examine klavier’s apartment and you can look at a couple albums and for a gavinners album apollo is like “ugh” but then you get one of his solo eps and apollo is like “trucy made me listen to this. it... was okay. not as bad as the gavinners stuff. sounds more honest. or something like that.”

- oh also when you examine the guitar klavier offers to teach apollo some basics. hee hee (BUT ALSO... JOVE!!)

- maybe for case 2 The Industry Suits want klavier to stop releasing his eps for free/total charity so it’s a whole coordinated scheme. his manager, a devoted fan who hates to see him going his own way and being happier for it, etc. “we want you to be the person you were. the one we could possess.” be more like gavinners klavier instead of honest relaxed current klavier. be who we want you to be so we can make you dance like a puppet. music industry kristoph parallels.

- “i’m sick and tired of being a plaything for other people!” >:( face moments

- a fan broke into his house and defaced the solo stuff etc. >:( face.

- who determines who “you” are? what role do your loved ones have in your life? those who truly love you can save you and make you better. loving and being loved sincerely and genuinely and truly have positive effects on your life. letting people love you and letting yourself love them is good.

- ugh but this kind of contrasts with the “the old boys club is controlling and using/shaping the institution of law to amass wealth and power for themselves while throwing others under the bus.” well actually wait

- lunch with apollo = they don’t actually care about each other, would throw each other under the bus for their own benefit

- contrast between sacrificing the weak to protect the strong and protecting the weak to depower the evil strong

- love and bonds can motivate/enable you to chip away at the system and can help you make a difference. les mis etc etc etc

- the old boys club are all putting up fronts of appearing strong and tough and above everything and in control. real love and friendship let you show vulnerability and weakness and help you & your bond come out stronger for it. (tumblr voice) the mortifying ordeal

- additional stakes of “if you are found aiding this criminal and hiding evidence etc etc we will disbar you” or smth. stakes for sticking with klavier, for winning the trial, for demonstrating care. franziska is kind of like “... apologies. but you had nothing to worry about so don’t worry about it.” 

- klavier and apollo damned by association with kristoph, especially as a kristoph scheme was just found to happen, and it depended on kristoph being in jail, so maybe they were the ones to enable that part of the plan... it’s a long con...

- it feels like there should be another legal reform here to make aa4′s jury implementation but maybe this one is more about how reform is often very gradual and like chipping away at a mountain

- in aj3 the death penalty gets reformed. (tension there about kristoph being on death row and this game piles on a lot more GOD KRISTOPH SUCKS but then it’s like. no. we have to fight for True Justice and the legal system is extremely imperfect (how many of our clients narrowly avoided a wrongful guilty verdict!) so we have to prioritize protection over punishment)

- “it’s like chopping heads off the hydra. it feels like we’ll never actually change anything.” “yes, but hercules didn’t defeat it by himself. he had a partner that burned the stumps after he sliced off the heads. ... one person to hold the sword, one person to hold the torch.” NARUMITSU KLAPOLLO PARALLELS. HI

- okay i had some really good discussions on twitter w @henriettamarias about this and here’s a couple more things

- trucy’s case involves her inheriting the gramarye secrets and the legacy. the weight of tradition and the burden of what has happened in her family. trucy’s estranged grandmother shows up - it’s kind of similar to the feys kind of. the grandmother is a complex maternal figure who doesn’t know trucy and trucy doesn’t know her and it’s sort of the idea of... even if your “new” family is related by blood, you still have to choose them. and trucy’s like !!! because she’s openhearted but the grandmother disappears - doesn’t choose trucy. it’s not a Villainous Action it’s just... it’s complicated. maybe it’s to protect trucy or something. it wasn’t done to hurt trucy is what i’m getting at, but it still hurts

- one of the music industry people in klavier’s case is a gavin uncle/aunt/cousin who is pressuring him to go back to being an Extremely Profitable Rockstar. and klavier has to deal with more disappointment from a family that values extreme success and is sort of cold (this contrasts with the warmth of the WAA found family). they liked klavier when he was very successful and famous on two fronts but now he’s opened the door and invited in shame on their family’s name so everyone’s kind of mad at him. trucy and apollo get to be really defensive of him

- apollo’s case is one i’m still thinking on what it’ll be about because i’m deeply uninterested in his aa5+aa6 backstories but there’s not A Concept to go deeper into like trucy magic and klavier music... it does involve his past from being the foster system. i think maybe there’s a teen who he was kind of the older brother of for a while before the kid got adopted who contacts him for help defending himself.

- while trucy and klavier’s stories are about rejection from their blood family, apollo’s is about warmth with a boy who he met and made a familial bond with

- at the end of this case there’s some piece of evidence that mentions kristoph and this is never resolved within that case but it sort of leads into the next kristoph-focused case

- trucy doesn’t get angry at apollo over being like jealous there’s something else that happens in this case... it doesn’t end super satisfyingly and tidily wrapped up in a neat bow. there are a lot of lingering questions and it makes everyone uneasy

- in case 3 apollo gets injured and is feeling really defensive and kind of scared and trucy is upset with him for putting himself in harm’s way to save her and they have a fight and they’re both kind of hiding their true feelings with anger to cover up how scared they were (gramarye secrets) and it just. boils over. klavier tries to mediate but it’s... a lot. they both say some things they don’t mean. :(

- oh my god. the person who got poisoned in case 4 was apollo’s foster brother from case 3. and it HURTS because we’ve spent a whole case getting to know him and working so hard to save him from a guilty verdict and it’s like :D yay he’s ok! and then he just. dies. and it’s so fucking sad

- he got poisoned because kristoph looked through papers and found that him and apollo were close so he’s like “oh i can use that ^_^” because he’s a bastard. but klavier was the one in constant contact with him recently so it’s like UH OH! UH OH! plus other aa level complications etc

- the tightrope of trucy being mad at apollo and the tragedy of apollo’s foster brother dying is one that will have to be very carefully walked bc we don’t want trucy to look like an asshole because above all she does love apollo

- i guess it’s also apollo pushing her away because I’M FINE. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME CONFRONT MY TRAUMA. IF I THINK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS I WILL GO INSANE. yeah that works

- OH and also she’s mad at him for not telling them about the lunch with kristoph’s lawyer friends. klavier is kind of mad about that too so apollo is like STOP GANGING UP ON ME

- so the setup of case 4 is: day 1: apollo and klavier investigating, in court klavier is implicated and is put in detention, day 2: apollo investigating by himself and missing his friends :(, franziska being like “where is your sister” and apollo being like “ok first she’s not my sister. second IM FINE I CAN BE ALONE, I CAN’T TRUST ANYBODY ANYWAY” and franziska is like “... yeah being betrayed sucks, i get it, but like. are you sure about that. fine whatever you idiot be a fool”, but then in court trucy busts in at a dramatic moment and narrowly saves klavier from getting a guilty verdict, day 3: trucy and apollo investigating and Saving The Day!!!!!

- for franziska in case 4 there’s this tension between her belief that klavier is guilty (because shit looks BAD and also kristoph sort of sent shockwaves through things etc) and franziska being older (she has short hair and it’s hot) and more emotionally mature and being like “baby lawyer. it’s okay to chill. it’s fine. you’ll be okay”. but also being extremely wary and hating the corruption and collusion within the law community because MvF dealt with a lot of that and she will be BETTER than that, she has to work hard to erase the harm that her father did. she’s kind of a superhero in terms of tackling a lot of corrupt-lawyer/cop cases - it’s her specialty now. god she is hot

- aw in case 4 ema is like. kind of reluctant to help implicate klavier. because while she thinks he’s annoying she doesn’t think he’s a bad guy. she feels really conflicted :( like she blusters to cover it up but she does say to apollo at one point “hey... you better do your job right. don’t slack. defend your client.” awww she care him

- kristoph gets brought out from prison as a witness in case 4. this really negatively affects klavier (and apollo too kind of but less so), but the strength of Found Family helps him be strong :) yay

- there’s mention made of kristoph having Secrets, but since apollo doesn’t have a magatama and phoenix isn’t there, the black psyche-locks aren’t explored. it gets revealed in aj3

- apollo does have a conundrum similar to the aa5 stuff where his perceive ability is going haywire at klavier’s entire emotional state because BOY is it screwy (suppressed memories from childhood??) so he just has to rely on plain old logic

- (cw animal death) god what if one of those childhood memories is kristoph poisoning klavier’s pet - experimenting, doing trials. klavier realizes that during the trial. jesus christ. evil bastard kristoph i hate his guts. at least klavier gets to go home and pet vongole so so much

- OH on a happier note we get to meet mikeko... mikeko loves trucy and klavier so much. it’s like a big gooey hint that LOOK APOLLO LOVES THESE PEOPLE - HIS CAT IS PURRING AND CUDDLING ALL OVER THEM :) Express Your Feelings, Apollo

- i think for aj3 it’s apollo & co having their own schemes and plans sort of. bc in this setup, klavier and apollo (and trucy too) are being yanked around by the machinations and plots of the older generation like in aa4. i think in aj3 is when they finally get a leg up and have control over things for once. good for them! good for them

- oh also in aj3, it’s revealed that thalassa has been held hostage by some bad guys, which is why she didn’t come back after some time away to figure herself out to tell them. and then apollo and trucy get to know they’re siblings :)

- okay that’s it. maybe i’ll add more if i think of more. hope u enjoyed :~)

[rosemallowss]

Im so sad too with all that´s happening around TBWDOA, it was magical the first time that I listened it: so much life, love and humanity even in the darkest places of the world... I felt that the hope around it was more strong that any problematic subject... I know that maybe im being naive and self-blinded by my own privileges, but im so angry that the controversy destroyed what for my was so beautiful. I dont know if this is weird, but I wanted to talk with someone that maybe feels the same :(

Hey dude, I thought exactly the same thing. I actually still think it, but every time I see any trace of the show in my camera roll or the copy of the album, it’s so hard not to think about all the angry people. I think now that it’s been a few weeks however, I can fully hold a discussion about this musical without feeling guilty or sad. Despite what other people think, I really don’t believe that the writers has hostile intents at all. If you look at old posts like this:

You can tell just how passionate they were about this show. & plus, I realized recently that these guys tend to write shows about topics that are not normally talked about as well. Example: this show and ‘Talk To Me’– a show about a child who is on the Autism spectrum. I suppose you could kind of count their other show “With The Right Music” as kind of that? However I’m actually not totally clear on what that show is about since it wasn’t actually written to the end– though I think it is about a closeted teenager in high school. I suppose this counts because there aren’t that many musicals written about closeted teenagers. I truly don’t believe that they were trying to offend anyone– simply were just so so invested in trying to get a story out there, maybe one that was unfamiliar to them, and perhaps it was also bad timing that the full show was released? Or maybe they were just as naïve too when they wrote the show probably around 2015 (earlier?) I used to always get their attention (unintentionally I swear) on Twitter when I’d talk about the show. Those dudes were really kind. And they follow back a lot of their fans. So, perhaps it was just naïvety? I’m aware that they’re attempting to make it right, and they are probably at the moment in conversation with Afghan Americans. That’s important, and speaks more than words I think. I know Troy, Nikhil, Sittichai, and Jonathan have been under fire. Troy has gone silent and if I’m not mistaken I think Sittichai and Jonathan as well? Other actors in the show such as Osh (Zemar) and though a small appearance– Shiv Pai (future Paiman’s son) have gotten no such comments I realize. Maybe the show was bad timing. Perhaps it would’ve had a more positive outcome in terms of rising popularity had it been talked about in a past tense; in a sense that “this practice doesn’t happen anymore” so that the setting is not modern day, but instead sometime in the late 1900s?Would that have made the show less controversial? Maybe? But we can never be sure. Would it have been less controversial if they minimized the extend of the abuse? Or removed that altogether and made it that it was simply two boys falling in love in rural Afghanistan who were coming terms with the fact that they were feeling this feeling with each other? well, yeah, because it would just be a love story in a different setting, and we’d probably see Feda and Paiman exploring the marketplace as well. If this was the case, I’d assume the conflict of the story would be homophobia from parents/internalized homophobia itself, or struggling to understand themselves. Another conflict could be something that many teenagers experience as well, such as fear of the future. Maybe arranged marriage could still be a conflict, and since Feda’s name literally means “sacrifice” he’d probably still have to die in the end. Perhaps they could have rewritten the show like that and the show would have little to no controversy? The music is incredible, and it could even portray the beauty of Afghanistan through their amazing way of writing music. I’m just brainstorming and rambling here, sorry! when it comes to this show it seems as though that I always just vomit out more words than anyone cares to hear. Let’s address why it was controversial as well though... Many were repulsed by the idea of s-x trafficking as a musical, and even more outraged with the musical being about Afghanistan. It showed negative parts of the country, and that would add on to people’s perception and dislike toward Afghans, which if you live in America you are aware of the racists’ stereotypes and disdain toward Afghans. (If you are naïve like me, you probably did not catch that as well. I truly forgot that there were people who perceived Afghans in a negative light. I was awed by the diversity in the show and so focused on that) I believe that they also have said how gay men are usually perceived as pedophiles as well and this show did not help to minimize that harmful stereotypes. I’m obviously kind of dumb because I didn’t realize that stereotype.

However it is true, because realized I often see this trope in fiction books about “creepy uncles preying on their nephews”. Though people don’t agree with the fact that it is a musical, I always saw it as a different way of storytelling. There’s a book called The Kite Runner that talks about the same topic in this musical by the way. I didn’t know this but my friends have had to read that book as an assignment in their English class. I thought, well, TBWDOA, it just tells the story through songs. So all in all, these were many of the points people made, and you cannot be upset with them for being angry. When I first listened to the show, I was aware it was controversial, but I thought the controversy would be something that can be discussed and debated while being enjoyed. Similar to how Hamilton is often debated for glorifying the founding fathers while still being a good show. However, when I replied to one comment because I thought that this was how it was going to go, I was bombarded with several other comments, I was called pedophilic and was told that because I was not Afghan that I should not speak and when someone said that, I realized “okay, I was wrong to think that this was an issue that could be debated!” I did not realize how much deeper it would be. As a result, I was flooded with comments from instagram and twitter and it was STRESSFUL and overwhelming that I just couldn’t sleep and had to take a break! However someone told me that even the most controversial, flawed works of art should be appreciated or discussed. It’s up for debate if that’s true. The show is incredible in portraying the strength of the human spirit— “find your voice, even if it’s weak, using it can make a difference that will lead to a greater change.” It showed a boy who used something that was SUPPOSED to degrade and silence him as a tool to lift him up and strengthen him– that was an incredible theme. He found power in the resources he could. Dancing was supposed to be something he could not decide, but he made it his own, would not let it weaken him, and used it as a tool to push him toward more positive hopes. There’s something so powerful about people taking back the thing that was supposed to weaken them, and twisting in into something that gives them strength. Though just because the music embodies the main characters incredibly and the message is empowering, we cannot ignore that perhaps, yes the show was quite insensitive to many Afghan Americans. It might take me several months before I can listen to any song from this show again though. But the show has such a special place in my heart, for making me fall in love with music theory and musical instruments all over again, for pulling my heart strings with incredible themes/life lessons, and the show embodying that theme in a heartbreaking final song, and then lastly providing a beautiful love story. Am I insensitive for saying that? I really don’t want to be, but a story like this has never made me feel like that before. I was intrigued by Islamic wedding customs and researched into that. I fell in love with the purpose of whirling dervishes, and fascinated by how beautiful that was. I watched videos about them, i read about them. Feda talked about an old Afghan poet in the show and god, for hours I looked up that poet and read the translated English phrases (didn’t finish however). I was taken by the beautiful geography of Afghanistan. I researched beyond the show to look at Afghan culture and I appreciated that. I understood that, of course this wasn’t a common practice that is active in Afghanistan. But I’m aware now that so many people will not see it that way at all. They saw the show as indulging the idea that this practice is apart of their culture which is not true, and the original theater did not market that well at all.. I want to hope that this was just really bad timing, that this show was misinterpreted, and in the future will be enjoyed and discussed rather than torn apart. I never like being on the controversial side of things, but, gosh, I don’t know.

But, I know exactly how you feel. And I welcome any asks/my messages are open for discussion about this show now.

[yinxiong]

do u have any anime recs?? ive only watched the popular ones like haikyuu, bnha and aot but its kinda overwhelming to look for new ones so im asking u since i know & trust that u have good taste

ooohhhhhh boyyyy im vibrating bc 1) you’re asking me for anime recs 2) yOU SAID I HAVE GOOD TASTE HDJK THANK 🥺💞

okay but being serious here ,,, i’m not sure exactly what genres you’re looking for so i’ll put a list of my favorites + other ones similar to those 3 you might enjoy :))) if you have anything specific in mind lmk !!! i recently compiled a list of everything i’ve watched / tried to watch (it’s quite embarrassing actually) so hopefully there’s something you’ll like on there 😊

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood

genre: shounen, action, fantasy, women characters being badass

very brief summary: two boys learn alchemy and try to get their bodies back, ends up unravelling government conspiracy in the process

this is my all time favorite uhdfdjks

top tier, a masterpiece truly

i'd rate it 100/10 but it surpasses that honestly

it's just really REALLY good

might be a little bit slow in the beginning but trust me it picks up quickly

if you’re interested it’s originally a manga and has some more details the anime left out !!!

assassination classroom / ansatsu kyoushitsu

genre: shounen, school, action, kids being kids but with knives and guns

brief summary: a class of kids are assigned to kill a super monster before he blows up the earth in exactly one year - the catch is that he’s their homeroom teacher :D

basically kids learning how to be assassins but also trying to pass school and it's all very heartfelt and you WILL adopt them all

10/10 i cry every time

honestly watch this first it’s very easy to follow

also a manga with a few storylines the anime left out, not crucial but i recommend anyways since i read it first before the anime even came out and it just has a special place in my heart

noragami

genre: shounen, urban fantasy, gods being literal disasters someone pls help them

brief summary: a girl accidentally meets an unknown god and asks him for his help, slowly learns more about his world (i’m so sorry this is really vague but it’ll all be covered in the first episode trust me)

the gods can find spirits (dead people) and turn them into weapons if that’s cool

sexy animation !!!!!

only big flaw with the anime is that they mess up the main character’s characterization a little bit so you might want to read the manga? also only has two seasons and the manga is further along ,,, but everyone is currently stressed tf out over the plot ohmygod ,,,

gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun

genre: romantic comedy but heavy emphasis on comedy, slice of life, literal chaos

brief summary: a girl has a crush on a guy who turns out to be a manga artist, she winds up being his assistant (this barely covers it though)

a bunch of high school kids being chaotic and oblivious

just watch it i can’t really explain it in words you’ll be laughing a lot

only one season so if you enjoy there’s also more chaos in the manga

your lie in april / shigatsu wa kimi no uso

genre: shoujo, classical music !!!!

brief summary: a former piano prodigy who no longer plays because he can’t hear music meets a violinist that brings color into his life once again

look

this is top tier

so beautiful hhdjfdks

i watched this on my new tv and shed real tears

as a pianist/musician i adore it a lot hhhhh the pieces they chose to play are all the favs (i performed a medley with my violinist friend for a show once hahahah)

a little sad tho beware of feels

the opening song is like . so freaking well known omg

akame ga kill!

genre: shounen, action, lots of fighting and blood, war

brief summary: a boy joins a group of assassins who are working to overthrow the shithole government (yea sounds kind of basic but there’s more to it)

mainly just girls with weapons

i mean there’s guys too but the girls are the best characters

the weapons are lowkey magical too

yea this is where my nickname came from lol

the anime gets a 7/10 but the manga probably 8/10

manga is darker, more graphic but better plotwise

no game no life

genre: shounen, a bit of ecchi ugh, lots of mind games

brief summary: two genius gamer siblings get transported to a world where everything is decided by games, they decide they want to beat god

very colorful and pretty animation!!!!

there’s some questionable “fanservice” moments but ignoring that the plot is legit

only one season tho :(( pls it was so popular when it came out where is s2

there is a movie prequel, a lot more angsty but still vv good

ao haru ride

genre: shoujo, the usual high school romance, slice of life

brief summary: a girl meets the guy she used to have a crush on, only to find that his personality has completely changed (she has too though)

insert falling back in love

one of the shoujo classics haha

i binged this in one night a few weeks ago

not sure if it was worth it but i had fun lmao

just a low stakes cute anime

also very pretty

only 12 eps, the manga finishes later

given

genre: just music boys being gay lol (jk it’s kind of sad)

brief summary: a boy learns to move on from his ex by joining a band (this is possibly the shittiest summary ever but i dont wanna give anything away hdjhkjs)

just watch it lmao it’ll make sense

idiot boys

band boys !!!

feels but not overwhelming

the comedy is top notch though

i adore given so much hhjkdf waiting for the movie to come out

THE MUSIC IS SO GOOD

all the songs are on spotify i listen to them way too much

yuri on ice

genre: figure skaters being gay that’s all you need to know

brief summary: a figure skater falls into a slump, somehow winds up with the top skater as his coach (yet another shitty summary sorry)

hmm this isn’t actually one of my favorites but it’s popular enough so why not

i just really love figure skating hfjdks

it’s pretty accurate i’d say! there are even easter eggs of top men skaters irl hahah

definitely dramatized lol

but still pretty fun

bungou stray dogs

genre: shounen, urban fantasy, very dapper mafia / detectives

brief summary: a kid on the run after getting kicked out of his orphanage accidentally saves a detective, shit goes down from there

pretty fun as you learn about their powers, watch them solve mysteries

the fighting is cool too

until the machine guns appear ugh i just tune that part out

oh yea all the characters are named for actual literary figures and i didnt realize until s2 💀

fairy tail

genre: shounen, magic/fantasy, action, friends !!!!!

brief summary: just mages in guilds going on quests lolol what more do you want

fr it’s honestly quite chill

like there’s definitely an ongoing plot and lots of subplots / arcs

but it’s very character driven

so many cool character designs

was OBSESSED w this in middle school ,,, highkey embarrassing omg

one of the big anime/manga, if you like bnha i’m sure you’ll have fun with fairy tail

this was a stupidly long list and im clearly way too excited ,,, if you have any questions or just want to scream about any of these, my inbox is always open ;)))

[sargentr]

so i reread the dream thieves a while back and i wrote down some stuff i hadn’t really noticed/paid that much attention to. some of them are mere observations others are just me. Fangirling. as one does:

* ronan's first love was his family

* adam tried his best to make things work with blue, just like everything else he had tried in his life

* gansey is very well aware of his privilege and wealth 

* ronan has two weaknesses: niall lynch and adam parrish

* noah was there for ronan is ways not even ronan realized

* when ronan was filled with anger for a reason i cant remember, he relaxed a bit when gansey, beside him, answered his phone and said "hey" into it, meaning it was adam. (this is from ronans pov) like!!! theyre so comfortable around each other can i leave

* adam was so furious at gansey for thinking he had made the st agnes bill easier for him that he didnt realize that it had ronan written all over it

* gansey was such a light hearted and carefree person that there was not a single person in aglionby who did not know who he was. it is described that while others tried to fit in aglionby, aglionby fit perfectly in gansey. he was the type of person who the teachers would hold for a second after class to show him the article they thought he might like. HE’S BABY.

* gansey and ronan's relationship was not based on communication.

* adam always thought how beautiful all of gansey's things were.

* ronan lynch was one of those things

* gansey often reminded himself how niall lynch's death affected ronan

* ronan would rather die than kill adam

* the image of ronan trying (and lying) to take his life was scarred into gansey like ink

* gansey and ronan fought a night creature and fit perfectly as a team (gansey's pov)

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: "(blue) wore a dress ronan thought looked like a lampshade. whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, gansey clearly wished he had one. ronan wasn't a fan of lamps."

* ronan lynch is completely and utterly himself the first time he steps foot in the barns

* RONAN REFERRING TO ADAM AS EINSTEIN

* ronan has no chill whatsoever omg when they're in the barns and checking to see if the animals are still alive blue asks ronan to check some of them and he replies to her and adam "you two poverty twins do it"

* confirmed: ronan lynch is a complete cupcake (eg: pressing the small mouse to his cheek to check the heartbeat)

* confirmed: richard gansey is a bigger cupcake for smiling ear to ear while doing the same

* !!!! "and it was his smile that buried ronan"!!!! (referring to gansey and the mouse)

* "... adam replied, his henrietta accent sneaking out, betraying his fatigue. it was something deeper." (ronan's pov)

* second confirm: ronan lynch is a Softie™ (eg: when they were about to leave the barns but ronan whispered so just gansey heard "can i go and see mom?" HE IS ALSO BABY

* OKAY BUT GANSEY AND RONAN THIS ENTIRE BOOK: "i remember when you used to smell like this" referring to when they enter the main house at the barns.

* "ronan loved it so much. he nearly couldn't bare it. he wanted to destroy something." (((this is about the barns. protect this sunshine)))

* when blue saw a picture of a bird in the barns and asked, "are these vultures or crows?" and adam and ronan replied at the same time, "vultures" "crows" NERDS

* "i am being perfectly fucking civil" still to this day, the best thing ronan lynch has ever said.

* "ronan looked at gansey. that look, blue thought. ronan lynch would do anything for gansey" claps slowly

* BONUS: "i probably would, too." thought blue

* matthew lynch was the only thing that made ronan come back himself

* niall left ronan (and only ronan) his entire property

* gansey shops when he's sad

* gansey and adam sharing a LOOK when orla comes in with skin showing

* blue had very few skin showing and gansey wanted to tell he how much he liked hers and not orlas, but then thinking "that's adam's job" what a bean

* how extra can ronan lynch get (a series): making a complete SCENE while opening his car door, sitting inside, closing the door, driving away

* gansey protesting so blue wouldnt go inside the water (bc baby boy probably couldnt handle blue seminaked) and using "you wont be able to see without your eyes getting irritated" as a point

* gansey getting all flustered and reminding himself he'd been looking at orla's naked body for so long but also: HER BIKINI IS SO ORANGE

* clue number two of non heterosexual ronan niall lynch: laughing his ass off about ganseys reaction of orla and said orange bikini

* jealous little blue being furious at gansey for just looking at her

* ronan's pulse fastening when thinking about kavinsky

* ronan smiling to himself and only doing so because there was no one to see it

* noah and blue holding hands at monmouth when gansey and ronan arent there okay look at those two

* "sometimes i pretend im him" "which part?" "alive" PROTECT NOAH CZERNY

* when blue was laying on ganseys bed she though "i have a crush on richard gansey" and the following "i dont have a crush on adam parrish"

* okay but the whole kissing scene is adorably cute and the best part of tdt

* BLUE THINKING "oh, this is what i can't have"

* MATTHEW AND RONAN VISITING THE BARNS AND BOTH OF THEM JUST BEING ADORABLE WITH AURORA AND EACH OTHER

* ronan racing kavinsky and having so many mixed feelings

* adam feeling misplaced in DC and constantly thinking of this fathers abuse and I Cried

* adam and gansey fighting and uhhh sorry dick but DAMN adam

* ronan dreaming he's in kavinskys car and not knowing if he loved it or hated it

* blue's voice over the phone taking gansey's mind off the fight he had with adam

* gansey listing the things ronan is inside his mind so he would be angry at him

* "ronan had charm. it was just buried deep. very deep."

* blue fucking sargent being the badass feminist she is when it didnt occur to adam that maybe blue was into politics

* "you wouldnt have gone someplace without gansey. you two make a grand couple. kiss him!" blue giving zero fucks to adam being douchely sexist

* okay first fuck you adam idiot parrish: "nice blue, gansey was right. you are a raging feminist" FUCK YOU

* okay adam losing his temper and literally thinking of hitting blue this is a matter of EMERGENCY

* ADAM STOP BEING A DICK OH MY GOD HE ALMOST FORCED BLUE INTO KISSING HIM THIS ISNDHDJDHDHD

* like ok i get Mans had a rough past n that violence is the only thing he knows but stief what was ur POINT with this part

* adams enemy being his anger. someone protect him from himself

* when blue and gansey are talking in the pig about adam and ganseys just full of hatred towards adam's parents, "who has he ever had to love him? ever?"

* okay but richard campbell gansey the third is a complete and utter SUNSHINE: when he's overwhelmed by blue and gets out of the pig and starts pacing and then realizing it was rudeish and APOLOGIZING like a fucking KING

* lmao gansey saying "i think he should come to terms with his sexuality" at kavinsky gift to ronan.

* "he wondered if kavinsky was gay. he wondered if she should go to the fourth of july party. he wondered where adam had gone" someone just. keep ronan close and hydrated and healthy and LET HIM BE GAY AND REST

* okay but ronan thinks about kavinsky in a matter that is completely and utterly non platonic

* "the grey man gently threw ronan across the breakfast table" nice maggie

* prepare for dialogue:

"theres nothing here k."

"theres only us. i know what you are"

"thats not enough"

"dont say dick gansey man. hes never gonna be with you. and dont tell me you dont swing that way. im in your head"

"thats not what gansey is to me"

"you didnt say you didnt swing that way"

RONAN SAID, "no, i didnt" ..... gay bitch

* ronan calling adam "adam" when he thinks they're in a dream and just then realizing he isnt

* "i know it was you. the rent, i figured it out" adam parrish just slipping information at the WRONG time

* "he was a brother to a liar and a bother to an angel, son of a dream and son of a dreamer" still to this day the prettiest thing ever

* HIS SECOND SECRET WAS ADAM PARRISH

* "adam furrowed his brows to ronan, as if sensing ronan's eyes on him. ronan looked away"

* im shook this book is so good

[smoochews]

what are your favorite writers and your top favorite works from them?? like a top ten

I saw this ask in the middle of work and I wanted to scream aksldfjalks I’m gonna tell you rn that I got really overwhelmed with the amount of authors that have earned a spot in my top favs that I actually cut this to just the authors that I have most recently visited (this counts as returning multiple times to reread a certain fic… which happens… a lot)

@arckook Ria is one of the first authors I ever read from for k-pop fanfiction. Until Ria, I was just highkey on that Haikyuu volleyball gays/imagines and I’d like to believe that she was one of the main reasons why I began to invest myself heavily into the kpop fandom. I’m always amazed with each piece she releases. Her style is so unique and hypnotizing. There’s a big section in my heart reserved just for Ria that I don’t have enough words to convey. plz support. plz love. she’s the best

- To The Stars (Jungkook, BTS): Zombie Apocalypse AU, Enemies to Lovers AU, series, violence, angst, drama

This read is not for the light hearted. You have been warned. You will sob hysterically. You will feel rage seep into your bones. You will punch a hole in your screen. MC is an entire badass, but so broken and vulnerable; somehow she manages to keep herself together and carry on. Even when she hates Jungkook with every cell in her body, she makes sure to keep him alive, watch his six, just as he does for her. There’s only a handful of works that have kept me as heavily invested and on my toes every step of the way. And that list begins with To The Stars

 @brokeandjetlagged I cannot tell you how many times I’ve made a fool out of myself in public while reading Bailey’s work…. like lord help me I can’t stay in my chair…

- We Take A Shot (Baekhyun, EXO): Office AU, boss!Baekhyun, one-shot, fluff

Even after re-reading it 2-3 times, I cannot help the obnoxious laughter escaping my mouth….sounding something along the lines of a screeching seagull. Dorky Baekhyun trying to be Mr. Businessman really killed me. LIKE PLZ THE HOVER BOARD asdfjsj I’m laughing just thinking about it

- Hurt Me, Heal Me (Yixing, EXO): Hospital AU, nurse!Yixing, one-shot, fluff

Honestly, I would pay to be Baekhyun in that moment. Someone kick me in the face if that meant I could spend some time with nurse Yixing. He’s so adorable and I highly relate to MC being a mess when he thinks that she’s Baek’s girlfriend. Overall, this fic makes my heart go kyuu~

- Bromance .2 (Minseok, EXO) : College AU, frat!Minseok, enemies to lovers AU, series (ish), fluff, smut, drama

enemies to lovers…. honestly I’m not entirely sure of what to say other than that you should read it

@sehun-smut ngl. one of the reasons, besides me passing out, that this rec list took so long to make is bc I stopped to re-read both of these fics…. no ragrats… I don’t think you’ll understand until you read all of their work… so like… you know what to do…

- Business in the Front (Baekhyun,EXO): Restaurant AU (ish), one-shot, smut

Older Baekhyun is a kink okay. I’ve never wanted to call someone daddy more in my life than while reading this fic… and like to begin with it’s hard for me to imagine Baek being zaddy, so that should say A LOT.

- Deceitful (Chanyeol, EXO) - Mafia AU, series, smut, violence

I think this is the first honeytrapper fic I’ve ever read in my life. I mean I was aware of the job description but not the actual title. I must say I’m thoroughly aroused and equally terrified.

 @exhoe-imagines I really adore Ruby and Jewels. Like, they’re so funny and interactive with their followers; and their content is always breath taking. highkey power couple energy

- Can’t Hold Back (Jongdae, EXO): Enemies to Lovers AU, one-shot, smut, drama, slight angst

You already know Jongdae is fucked the minute he sees MC’s bathing suit on the ground while she’s in the pool. You already know that when he went home that evening, his meat was begging for mercy by the end of the night. jfladskjf okay I’m gross, I know, but carrying on– the growth between Jongdae’s and MCs relationship is really heartwarming. Could not have asked for more from this fic

- Lucky (Baekhyun + Chanyeol, EXO): College AU, one-shot, smut

So…. let’s talk about the elephant in the room… or should we say two? bc there is definitely more than one trunk for MC to handle… so…. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET WREKT MC

@yehet-me-up I will never not be in love with Sarah. Her Exodus Mall series really takes me back home. Often times when I’m feeling down and sick, I return to Sarah’s page and re-read that series. To say the least, I find home in Sarah’s writing.

- The Problem With Wanting (Kyungsoo, EXO): Mall AU, series, fluff, slight angst, smut

listen to this song and just take it in…. I think this was the first fic I read from the Exodus series and it will always hold a special place in my heart. This fic in particular is what I find myself coming back to again and again, time after time, and I always feel renewed. I feel youthful. More like… you know that feeling you get when you realize you’re falling in love with someone? That’s this. Please read. Please.

- Disqualified (Kyungsoo, EXO): Friends to Lovers AU, one-shot, angst, fluff

Imagine twisting a knife in your gut and slowly removing it through the opposite side of your body. That’s this fic. But like. With love. askdjflksjd I really love the way Sarah portrays Kyungsoo. Her descriptions of his thoughts, mannerisms and quirks make me feel like I’m watching a movie. Everything is so distinct and the atmosphere feels tangible. idk words. I just love Sarah.

@snakescript I don’t know too much about this author but I’m totally and completely enamored with their writings. 

- Make The Devil Cry (Taeyong, NCT) : College AU, one-shot, light angst, smut

I’m weak for the “playboy” tamer… and tbh I feel like this would be Taeyong irl. Hard and complex to the eyes of an observer, but a major softy and sweet pea to the eyes of a listener. I’m upset of how little attention this fic has bc the world is really missing out on a diamond.

- Face Like Thunder (Chanyeol, EXO): Mythology/Greek God AU, one-shot, light angst, fluff

I would like to file a complaint. My heart is crying and my love for Chanyeol is soaring and I’m ACHE FOR THE MAN. Lmao I’m not even a Chanyeol stan but this fic got me thinkin’

@johobi you can always count on Jo to make you cream your pants in the middle of Target (stay away from the baby section kids)

- Bloom / Snared (Yoonji/Yoongi, BTS): Mafia AU, smut

honestly, Yoonji can wipe the floor with my body, in pool of my own blood, and I would thank her. I really really love the way Jo depicts Yoonji here. I can just feel that fem fetal power and that in itself got me ruining my underwear.

- Tooth and Claw (Jungkook, BTS) : Werewolf AU, smut

I’ve never related to furry more in my life than while I read this fic. high key wanna be rawed and torn in half by his king kong schlong … idk how MC survived, but she’s my idol.

- Dig Deep + Interval (Yoongi, BTS): Space AU, smut

I’m ngl. I really went to Pornhub and looked up tentacle porn after reading this. Y’all can @ me, roast me if you like,,,, but you’re a got-damn liar if you say this doesn’t get your blood pumping. p sure I wrote this on my tags but i didn’t even know I liked tentacle porn until then…. I hate myself

 @bread-jinie idk where to start…. there are so many things I can say about Kat…… im tongue-tied…. 

- Wings (Chanyeol, EXO): Friends to Lovers AU, angst, fluff

I think this fic is my favorite work Kat has written so far. It’s like she knows the right words to tug the strings of my heart and play me like a puppet. A heartbroken but hopeful puppet. MC and Chanyeol always looking at each other but never at the same time breaks me; thankfully, the ending patches me back together.

Honorable mentions bc I’ve grown v tired and cannot continue with full details for info regarding everything, in addition to the fact that I’m inpatient and I want to post this ASAP:

@kollectionn GOD SENT. DO NOT PLAY AROUND. YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. THE WORLD WILL END AS YOU KNOW IT. THEN BE REBORN FROM THE ASHES AS C WILLS IT SO. (sorry for the all caps but I feel INTENSELY about C and her works of art; If I can recall correctly, I believe she said that she would begin to write her own non-fanfic when she finds the time. I think she has the power and ability to write best selling novels that would leave J.K. Rowling quaking in her boots. Plz go and love C. Don’t ask for updates. Just show her all the love she deserves and more; I haven’t been lately and I feel terrible for it; I hope she knows I love her!!!)

@dropsofletters lemme tell you somm’… this author is so talented and diverse in her work that I find myself scattered with the amounts of fandom’s she holds in her clutch. I’m so thankful to have found her page on this godforsaken website bc she caters so much to this world. Talented. Spectacular. Amazing. Blessing to Society. I don’t think I’ve found any multi-fandom writers that has spread out as far as she has. She’s one of those authors that has exactly what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what it is. An Angel.

@layhyunnie beautiful. ethereal. whimsical. Inspiring. I mean literally inspiring. I wrote a few drabbles after reading Guardian bc I wanted to try and bring to life a world outside of our own, to step outside reality, just like I felt while reading their work. 

- Guardian (Yixing, EXO): Supernatural AU, series, fluff

Again… I’m v tired… so here’s a short list of authors I meant to add here, along with their fics/full details of why I love them:

@knockknocksoosthere / @underthejoon @marshmallow-phd @kpopfanfictrash @yeolology @yeolology @whimsical-ness @remembeo @lofiexo @nochugguk @noona-clock @noonachronicles @oilblotter @soobadnoonecanstopher

((If you would like to know more about my interests in the unfinished authors, or any authors above for that matter, then please leave me an ask!! I will answer them when I am no longer tired akjsjdf I cannot reply via chat as this is only a side blog))

[demyrie]

I'm curious but why did you delete JAM? It was one of my favorite JxD fics and I never got to finish reading it.

ahhhh oh dear, yeah, that happened.

So, for everyone arriving, I wrote a fic called Just Another Mission for the Jak and Daxter game series, and Jak/Daxter pairing. Yes, the green haired elf protag with the fuzzy orange thing, which btw used to be a human and was a human in fic. I think I started it when I was maybe 14 (yikes omg) and a few years ago, I deleted it, and I don’t delete fics.

Rant and personal history ahead, but tldr; i deleted this particular fic because:

1) I became more and more uncomfortable with the way I’d treated certain characters without giving them respect or resolution (throwing around things like domestic abuse while being too young to properly understand What I Was Doing or How to Answer Very Triggered Friends Who Had the Misfortune of Reading This I’m So Goddamn Sorry, as well as falling into that Not Like Other Girls slash fan ditch of treating female characters like shit/obstacles to the main pairing WHICH IS JUST ******) as well as personally uncomfortable portrayals of obsession and taking advantage of people that turn my stomach to this day (see reason 4)

2) i got way in over my head with my own writing/style which was so obtuse and self-indulgent that I felt a great amount of shame over it, including the attention it had gotten, and the way it went to my head and turned me into an egotistic little shit. I was an asshole peacock and I regret it. There was a break where I got waylaid before the final confrontation in the fic (see reason 4, also a very bad time to get held up in any narrative) and when I returned to the story, i nearly cried because it was such a mess and I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. Finishing it was a struggle and I even remember one JnD fan friend being like “hey this chapter seemed really curt??? short?? not like you” and I was like YEAH THATS NOT ME ANYMORE god i hope

3) there was a sort of ... anti-JxD surge in my little pool from people I really respected and it made me think i was doing something wrong even just remembering it, so I cut off that memory.

4) it coincided with two ugly relationships in my life that marred it, and I just wanted it gone for my own mental health.

So anon, I’m very sorry that you never got to finish it. I had good intentions in mind and gave them a happy ending where they realized they loved each other, even if the journey there was difficult. 

It both touched me and broke a piece of my heart when someone came to me years ago and asked me why I had deleted it, saying the story had given them the courage to come out as gay to their family. In that moment, overwhelmed with how ProblematicTM the whole story was, I was really struck with just ... how subjective our world experience is, and how so many things can mean so many different things to every single soul and how terrifyingly VALID peoples experiences are, no matter how they come by them. We’re all so unique and convoluted, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure -- and one man’s trigger is another man’s key to Becoming. But no matter how inspiring, I couldn’t bring myself to repost it. 

Hopefully this will be the only fic i ever delete with relish. Jak and Daxter will always be a good memory for me, regardless. Thanks for the ask, anon.

(even more) personal stuff below the cut. tw for stalking, harassment, manipulation and emotional abuse.

So.

Im a firm believer in stories living beyond their authors (something that JK rowling doesnt seem to understand iykwim). I don’t normally delete past works, because while I wrote them, I also know that they’ve outgrown me as most narratives do: people are absolutely allowed to enjoy what they want to or need to, not just because I think said thing is reflective of my current work or jives with my current stage of life. 

However, JAM was a particular Thing that Had to Go.

The timeline is hella fuzzy to me because I’ve blocked a lot of it out, but I was coming out of middle school and struggling with my mental health. On the real life side, I was stuck in a situation with a close friend of mine who was very fixated on us being in a relationship and the pining was loud enough to hear from the other side of the country. Wounded people pleaser that I was, I flipped (exhaustingly) back and forth between “i dont like you like that” and “but I want you to be happy so what if I tried liking you like that?” and there was massive amounts of hidden hurt and resentment and tension and abandonment complex activation and just ... a strangling of anything that made our friendship good for either of us. 

Also she was a she. So. Yannoe, gay is difficult.

This definitely burnt me out on the “best friends pining” trope and is probably legit the ONLY reason I’m not equally in the erasermic and erasermight camp haha. That trope feels claustrophobic and draining to me, so I leave it for others to enjoy.

It also coincided with a married 45yo adult man luring me into a “platonic, ecstatic, boundary-breaking, you-are-my-beautiful-young-muse, words cannot express how much I love you” creative type relationship that inevitably turned possessive, domineering and manipulative. Within the bounds of the Renaissance Faire community, I thought he was a safe person and he was not, and his constant reassurance that I wasn’t like other women my age was absolutely hypnotizing to a undeveloped soul who really, really wanted to be special.

We traded poetry and tarot card readings over email. He bought me manga and shared stories about his time overseas and in the service. He made me props to go with my renaissance faire character and showed me where to find cheap leather so I could piece things together myself.

He also stalked me and owned me for the better part of a year and I only realized it once he started harassing a dear friend of mine overseas, whom I was visiting, about a package that he’d sent, which apparently he’d covered in original poetry to let me know how much he loved me But Not In a Hetero or Sexual Way Bro, so of course he didn’t want it to get lost in the postal system. So what is he going to do? Note my friend twice a day asking if its arrived until she inevitably, tearfully spills that this guy is stressing her out and who is he anyway?

My horrible secret was out, which only sounded horrible when I explained it to someone else. I realized this man was trying to follow me wherever i went and I got so fucking angry that he was messing with my friend that I had to stop it.

(He called me a cunt when I broke it off with him on the phone in the dark on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night so my parents wouldn’t hear, then sobbed and said he was sorry. I was so dissociated from the rush of anger and helplessness that it took for me to actually MAKE the call that all I could do was wiggle my foot and watch it in the reflection of the mirror on the back of my door, and think maybe I was a cunt but I wasn’t his cunt anymore. So there. 

Afterward I slammed my forehead into the mirror a few times to make sure I’d actually done it and it wasn’t a dream.)

During all of this, I was writing this stupid fic. I think. Honestly, I don’t fucking know, but I can’t think of it without thinking of him and how i was devoured.

The stress of hiding this “totally wonderful but NORMAL PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE!!!!” grooming shit from my parents was gutting me alive, and I was so far gone RE: worthiness/autonomy that I didn’t even consider why I BOTHERED diffusing his petulant accusations over notes on deviantArt again and again as he baited me into shit just to explode over how I didn’t love him and I figured out another way to soothe his engorged and tarry ego without explicitly lying that I loved him too. 

He made me regret my silver tongue and way with words as I used it to defend myself again and again, and crushed my love of writing. I would pace the neighborhood for almost an hour several times a week, claiming I was ‘exercising’ but really trying to understand why i felt so trapped, or where the lines between love and hate lay, or why I wanted to cry all the time, as i low key tried to get hit by a car just to force something to change in my life and jolt me out of his smothering, needy nightmare of constant texting and emails and notes. I couldn’t fucking flinch without him knowing about it, and asking me if I was okay. For this reason, I react very poorly to people fretting over me at length, and loudly. I get angry and feel violated, or just pinned to the floor by someone Performing their love on me with no real regard for my health.

This whole time, I was escaping into fandom. It probably saved my life, in one way or another, because I found friends who supported me and made me laugh in the JnD sphere. Especially the friend whose distress caused me to snap and realize This Couldn’t Continue.

This terrible man was the first one outside of my friend group that I showed my writing to, the first adult as well. It was on the dark side even then, but he said it was wonderful and amazing. He teased me for being stuck up in my authors notes on JAM (one of the reasons I’m just getting over ... talking ...) but said it inspired him to start writing as well. He used that writing to imagine hokey sprawling stories of him being a hot rod racer and me being his sexy girlfriend, Very Totally in Love. Why Couldn’t We have Just Met in a Different Lifetime??? not that its a relevant question for my young 16yo friend lol just something dreamers wonder lol lol here why don’t you take this traditional irish engagement ring aka claddagh i bought for you, lie to your parents and say I bought one for everyone in our renfaire group, and turn it toward your heart, to imply that you’re in love, so that I can keep your heart safe for you until you find a boyfriend?

FUCKER YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKER ok I’m done. Fuck.

JAM was a project of mine that spanned a year or two and is intrinsically tangled in those very bad relationships and very bad lessons. I deleted it because I needed to, for purely personal reasons beyond the fact that it was generally bombastic, over-long, tone-deaf and dealt with very serious issues poorly. Due to these experiences, you won’t catch me in a hot minute writing either best-friends-pining or heavy jealousy/possessiveness fic, but everyone else? Go crazy just tag your shit.

so. anyway. isn’t subjectivity actually terrifying? You never know what something can mean to someone else. So just ask, maybe.

Damn, son. Some fics you just can’t repost.

[survivorkalokairi]

Episode 1: “How do I bond with people” - Mitch

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/MiBLiRlSzFc

Stephen

It’s round one and I’ve already learnt a foreign word for pee, this seasons gonna be great

Cam

hello everyone and welcome to HOLY FUCK by cameron, your local certified sick kid

so first of all

I HAVE DYLAN AND MATT SUMMERS AND MITCH ON MY TRIBE

which is all fine and dandy

ABBEY IS ON? THE OTHER TRIBE?

which is also fine and dandy

blake is super sweet and i adore this newbie already!! he's like "im so overwhelmed im in two games"....... sweetie

BUT ALSO

so i message jay to idol hunt

"first in line"

i say "this is door 9 all over again!"

i wait about 15 minutes

go through the path, dee dee dee dee dee

"fountain or pay an offering to the statue" 

me, in my hellenic witchcraft practices, knowing the goddesses really like offerings, gonna offer aphrodite some food (sorry hera)

guess what aphrodite gives me?

an idol. she gives me an idol. i'm truly blessed. this is ridiculous. i got the idol the very first idol hunt of the season.

i'm shaking.

Dylan C

oh my god how to I play a game with my close friends sksjsh (i’ll make a Proper confessional later)

Brittany

i've been doing duolingo for, like, an hour now and there are so many ways to say the. i've counted around 4. it's pretty fun though, and everyone on my tribe seems really cool and nice cx

Zabbey

Wow ok so my tribe is really cute and wholesome so far. I'm playing with JG, Timmy and Stephen which is cool bc i lowkey know them all but I've never played with them so thats fun! I cant really speak on the newbies since I havent really talked to any of them yet but I'm excited to get to know them! It's wild knowing cam and dylan are on the other tribe, I hope i get to play with them too! 

Stephen

Cal is the best, i would love to work with Cal, JG, Timmy, and Zabbey. But i’m still gonna gove the other new guys a chance, still very early days to start making alliances. That being said I’m still very happy we have had a majority on a call, make some ties. *glares at atomic “all-stars”*

Zach

So uh...so far nothing. Unless I’m completely out of the loop. I really like my tribe mate Zabbey. She seems cool and we have the same sense of humor. I really hope to align with her, but we’ll see how it goes. I also really admire Maynor for volunteering to sit since he has to work today. So far I think our tribe vines well. No tea to spill yet, but I’m sure there’s more to come.

Alex

Many people werre talking about drag race and I've never seen it and I kinda knew this would happen to me at some point in mylife when I end up being the bad gay who hates Lady Gaga and hasn't seen drag race and we're here folks.  lol I guess I'll stay quiet and hopefully noone will find out 

J.G.

Night one was, interesting to say the least. I was a little worried because I knew that I had to work during the first hour of the game and with new people I did not want to miss out on the bonding opportunities. Shockingly few were active among the noobies mostly Zach and Cal. The vets on my tribe, I actually know which is wild. Stephen and I have played together in the past, not together but there is for sure no bad feelings, that I know of. Abbey and Timmy I have never played with them but I know of them from the community. I have always wanted to play with them and excited for this opportunity. I know from a viewer this will come off as boring but I do feel that sticking with the vets is going to be smart at least in the early stages but mark my words, if I have any say, Abbey will be the last boot before merge. There is no way hell, I am letting her get any where near merge, I am not dumb no what she can do. Sorry Abbey, you're queen but the queen is not gonna stay queen. I really want to make a three tight alliance with Stephen and Timmy and ride with them but they could always tip off Abbey and use it to their advantage so I need to just chill and let things play out. I feel that if we are to go to tribal in the early stages, I can picture two noobs being easily targeted for inactivity. Oh, let's also talk about how I got freaking 20% disadvantage night one like I always do, and then turn around to get a 10% advantage the next day. I'm mess but I'm gonna keep eating these grapes because they're pretty good.

JG

So I was really sure I was going to be in the first alliance of the season amongst the vets but nope that didn't happen. I am in a unprecedented alliance with Abbey, yeah the person I said I want to make sure gets out before merge and Zach. Our alliance is called Two Gays and a Bi-by ... iconic as fuck. With a smaller tribe starting size with 8, smaller alliances are key plus I feel that we can easily pull some side votes for numbers to honestly keep our alliance alive and active. This makes targeting Abbey really hard cause it could turn Zach against me. I will have to be very cautious, how I go about this. I also talked to Cal and was making sure I connected with him cause I know he was putting work in on Timmy and Stephen last night. That is something I will have to monitor. That can not be allowed to happen. I think working with Timmy would be fun and cool but it's looking like that if after a early not so active noob goes and we need to find another target, I think Timmy would be a fine first threat to knock out leaving Stephen and Cal up in the air.

Cal

Lots of stuff! I was late to the party at the intro but got to chat with Timmy, JG, and Stephen. I learned about their past in the community as well as talked about the many moods of trying to learn greek. One such mood is probably me always confusing the "pi" sign and the one shaped like the letter "p" leading to accidentally translating baby as fool. Ironically I really don't want to be seen as either while a baby or fool especially since I'm new. I've really enjoyed meeting my tribe mates but I'm afraid to see where the pleasant meet and greet ends and the game begins.

Maynor

My thoughts on this tribe is that i like everyone and i dont want any of them to leave. Ive been trying to talk to everyone n try to be social player since im sitting out the first challenge.

Blake

welp. i still dont really know whats going on but... IM HAVING FUN. Ive talked with Dylan C a bunch and we have gotten to know each other pretty well. The greek challenge? a MESS. I havent been able to do a lot and the little i have done is not even worth mentioning. I hope the next challenge is a little easier for me but until then... YAY! 

Maynor

Last night Brittany and I started talking and decides since we are newbies that we will work as a duo to keep each other safe since the game has newbies & returning players. As of right now she is my #1 but i am talking to others.

Maynor

Second day has been very interesting. Ive been talking to Cal and J.G. pretty much all day seperately. And both want to align and J.G brought up maybe doing three person alliance and he said we should try n bring in Cal. In my head i was like yes. So now its an allince of me, Cal, and J.G. which is great. If its all 100% (my end it is) then this is going to be great.

Timmy

Wow, I haven't made a confessional yet. WE WON IMMUNITY!!! I'm very relaxed now, but also I don't think I would have gone anyways so woot woot. I did the worst on my tribe so that's not too great (pretty sure the 810 from the post was my score), but I still did better than the entire other tribe so wooo. I'm so happy to finally be in a game with Abbey and I really want to work with her and we have been talking already about the nothingness that has come from our idol hunts so that's good. I still haven't talked to Zach or Brittany so I need to do that soon, Zach seems nice in the tribe chat but Brittany seems nonexistent at the moment even though she did well in the challenge. 

Cam

well i may have won a main season last night

but let me tell you

WE DID NOT WIN THAT MY DUDES LMAO. we were literally beat ten times over. i hope the f tribe feels good about how much they squished us. they... earned that. truly. 

but now jay says... there's an announcement? and this is what immediately ensues

On 7/21/18, at 9:29 PM, Jay 🐠 (Kalokairi Host) wrote:

> but first there will be an announcement

On 7/21/18, at 9:29 PM, Cameron Culpepper (Atomic Admin) wrote:

> oh no

On 7/21/18, at 9:31 PM, Dylan R. wrote:

> oh cool

and it was just announced! so there is redemption. this is nice! i'm less worried about work now. like obviously i'm gonna do my best? but... if i fuck up at least there's a CHANCE.

oh yeah and the idol. day 2 in the game, still haven't told anyone, so that's pretty cool! we'll see how long that lasts.

dylan c and i had a conversation about how if we don't work together neither of us will hold it against the other but like... im pretty sure we're gonna work together anyway. 

wouldn't it be cute to make f3 with dylan c and abbey? god that's the dream. but it won't happen.

Maynor

The alliance is official between me, JG, and Cal. Are alliance name is MEW but greek that looks like mew. I like both and i hope they are ride or die as i am with this alliance. But just so we could have one more vote, im keeping my ally, Brittany, secret for now. 

Mitch

Welcome to Greece! I consume goat cheese, so I'm something of a Greek expert myself you know. I'm very excited to meet all of my tribemates but now I'm probably going to talk about them individually since Idk what else to do

I haven't played a game in so long I have no fucking idea how to socialize oh my god. I feel like everything I type is awkward and sad. At least the first challenge was relatively easy since I never had to type anything and have free time up the wazoo . But fuck we got crushed lmao. I dunno what secret they used but I take comfort in knowing that they were probably worried about us doing the same thing. Maybe I probably won't get voted out for having a score of 600 but WE SHALL SEE

Alex - Where is he? He did the challenge but he hasn't said a word ever. I want to keep him but uh Blake - 15 exp huh. 15? :| I only got increments of 10 where did the 5 come from Cameron - Aaaa. I enjoy Cameron and hopefully he enjoys me Dylan C - Oh this distinguishing between Dylans will be fun. But hopefully this Dylan and I can... meet in the middle somewhere yes Dylan R - One of the 4 people who have spoken to me! This kid is GOING PLACES and I'm glad to help him along for the ride Maddie - She is camping and I completely understand. Matt - I mean sure Matt and I KNOW each other but do we really? It's not like we were buddy buddy in Navarino. Unless he thinks we were? If he does... uh oh

How do I bond with people

Cal

Maynard just brought together me and JG together to start an alliance all while the results of the immunity challenge was finished. I was nervous but not only did we win but we have an amazing three that is called ΜΞΨ(after the first letters of our names), which is called that thanks to me! I just thought it'd be fun to name it like a frat since we've been learning greek and also hopefully dominate! JG and Maynard are great guys and I'm excited to work with them as ΜΞΨ but I also am keeping in mind ΜΞ(me lol) in the game for when we do have to go to tribal! Mu Xi Psi out!

Dylan R

For the first tribal, I'm obviously worried. As for targets, I'm not sure there are any at this moment. I guess I'm voting based on tribal performances, but I would be open to other people's suggestions. I would consider myself closest to Matt, Dylan C and Mitch so those three are who I would want to vote with. 

Stephen

I found half a “special idol” in the mangroves! While I am happy and I will still search for the other half I do have to decide if I want to tell anyone. In a previous season I told one person and they betrayed me (thanks tim) but in the end that led the person who had other half to reach out to me. However I can’t expect the same thing to happen this game, every games a new game. So I think I’m gonna keep it to myself, if somebody else tells me or is revealed to have the other half I might tell them, but for now I’m just gonna search for the other half and be content that no one can use the whole thing against me.

Zach

We won the first challenge!!!! I was expecting it to be a lot closer tbh. But I have an alliance of 3 that I’m fairly confident in! I wouldn’t say I completely trust them yet though. Both of them have played before and so it’s scary to think that they might just be playing me. I guess time will tell. I’m also curious to see what other alliances will show themselves when we finally start talking and going to trial. Also a little worried that I might be playing to hard out of the gate. We’ll see and I’ll probably get used to playing as time goes on.

JG

My mom (Jay) has officially cancelled me y'all. My tribe freaking won by over 13 to almost 2k. Holy crap. Like did the vets on the other side never play this comp before? Like with maybe a little work and patience, you could get easily 1500XP without really grinding maybe more. I am honestly perfectly o.k. with these results I wanted us to win badly because of having to go to work tonight, I did not want to bother with the stress of that. Plus, the night before my work had an emergency so I am definitely not in a place ready to emotionally invest and make a move in the game. ΜΞΨ is an alliance that formed between Maynor, Cal, and myself. The alliance names from the first letter of our names in Greek to kinda make a frat/sor name. Maynor approached me wanting to make  a final 2 and go really far. I am down with this for now of course, this game is constantly changing and moving. He asked me if we wanted to make a threesome to help our odds and asked me for suggestions. I suggested Cal because I knew I wasn't in any other alliances with him yet and this will allow me to keep an eye on him making sure he doesn't get close to Timmy or Stephen. Before I went off for the night Stephen and I officially talked about how the vets probably should create an official thing because it wouldn't hurt for us to work at least together in the early stages of the game. We decided that it should be discussed and formed today. Once that happens your boy is literally in an alliance with everyone besides Brittany and she actually did really well in the challenge. This scares me that she is either close to others or just someone I am not gonna be able to connect with. I heard from others that people are forgetting she's here, at the least she is a competitor. Either this is gonna blow up in my face or gonna allow me to position myself really well going into merge. Mama mia, my tribe isn't going tribal but I feel I made some of the biggest moves. Time will tell, I guess 

Zabbey

SO A lot has happened since I last confessed!!!! I am now in a baby alliance with JG and Zach which is wholesome. Zach is super hype and its v endearing and im a stan. JG also said him and Stephen have talked about a vet alliance which would be the easier way to go but I don't really want to. I don't want to play this game based off of outside relationships, I'm not necessarily going to align with Cam and Dylan is we make it onto the same tribe. In more impotant news ya bITCH FOUND THE IDOL! My literal third search! Timmy told me that he was looking in the hotel rooms so I was gonna do that but then Jay said roof and I was like why not and my witch ass gave that offering and got me a sexy idol! I don't plan on telling anyone about it unless I absolutely have to! 

Blake

I'm realizing now that im probably going to be seen as invisible the whole time bthrfnm dont know if thats good or bad LOL. But I finally have an alliance and its with people that I actually enjoy talking too :) Me, Cameron and Dylan C formed a group called Bicons (Bi Icons LMAO) and they seem to be really loyal. I have no idea what im doing but i hope people find me funny and want to keep me hfuiejf. (I HAVE NO IDEA WHO IM GONNA VOTE OFF)

Maddie

I came into this game after 2 nights had already gone by. I am really scared that I will be voted out tonight because I would be the easy since not very many people know me.  

Dylan R

The first tribal is the most important tribal, at least from a game perspective. That’s why I’m taking a gamble and trying to target after Blake. We need people who will win challenges, and after his score of 15 I’m not sure if he’s best suited. I need 4 votes to tie. I believe I’ll have Alex & Maddie, so right now I’m focusing on the fourth vote. Dylan C seems wary about this vote, so I’m trying to convince her now. I told her that “other people have mentioned Blake” when really it’s just me lol. I don’t wanna tell anyone else, simply because I don’t want people thinking I’m playing too hard, so I’m hoping the votes will tie or the votes will be spread. I’m taking a bit of a gamble because this could put a target on my back, but I do love gambles so I can’t resist. This will probably come back to bite me, but it is redemption island so I guess that’s always a fallback.

Cal

Missed a lot of discussion about past games because I was meeting up with someone impromptu. It's daunting but also exciting to face the experience of some of my tribe mates. It's the feeling of a glorious revolution of the new players against the old! I aim to learn as well, but also have really enjoyed speaking with my tribe but fear people are getting wind of the ΜΞΨ alliance since me, JG, and Maynor are speaking a lot. I gotta figure out my mist! Mu Xi Psi out!

Stephen

The tribe chat: Jay is about to get represented by an agent!!!!! ajdnfkksxjsnxxcz

Cal in my PMs: I just got laid

............okay cal. I guess he ws just being friendly? But things like that are sort of a hot topic for me, but I don’t think thats something he needs to know. And its probably not something to get into in confessionals. Maybe if we become besties we can have a dnm about it later.

Dylan C

https://youtu.be/8oaTFmpiv0I

Dylan R

The first tribal is the most important tribal, at least from a game perspective. That’s why I’m taking a gamble and trying to target after Blake. We need people who will win challenges, and after his score of 15 I’m not sure if he’s best suited. I need 4 votes to tie. I believe I’ll have Alex & Maddie, so right now I’m focusing on the fourth vote. Dylan C seems wary about this vote, so I’m trying to convince her now. I told her that “other people have mentioned Blake” when really it’s just me lol. I don’t wanna tell anyone else, simply because I don’t want people thinking I’m playing too hard, so I’m hoping the votes will tie or the votes will be spread. I’m taking a bit of a gamble because this could put a target on my back, but I do love gambles so I can’t resist. This will probably come back to bite me, but it is redemption island so I guess that’s always a fallback. 

Dylan R

Ok so like. Convincing people is hard lol. New tactic: I told Alex that people are targeting him in hopes that it’ll ignite him enough to save himself. I want Alex as an ally, but if he can’t save himself then I don’t want him as an ally

Brittany

so i'm late to making this confession but we won the first challenge and i'm still so?? happy about it?? and by a lot too, and there i was panicking and speeding through duolingo lmao. hopefully this is a sign and we stay doing this well lol

J.G.

Yeet,one last confessional before the round is over. I am honestly really anxious to see what happens at this tribal whether a vet or noob will go. While I do not think that this will be a prevalent theme in decision making, it something I am keeping in the back of my mind. I don't want people to be able use that against me to vote me out. That's why I will feel really inclined to stick with the vets if a vet is voted out tonight over a noob. Who knows what that tribe will do they have several options.

Finally, officially the vets (Abbey, Timmy, and Stephen as well as myself) finally came together to form an official alliance called The Nursing Home. I am really keeping an eye on Timmy and Stephen, they give me some minor sketch vibes but it could just be me over analyzing.

Well, 1 week down, several more to go. 

Dylan C

I’m getting a concerning amount of radio silence form some cast members. Is it because they’re inactive or ignoring me?? Lmao mattI'm so excited to be on Kalokairi! This has been a lifelong dream. Who wouldn't want to live on a gorgeous Greek island, where every piece of drama or sadness is resolved by breaking out into 70s Disco Pop and choreographing elaborate dance routines featuring wacky props like scuba fins? And to be able to play the game of Survivor while doing it? Wild!

My tribe is literally so wholesome. The other "veterans" are all so fantastic, and the newbies are so pure and fun and I love talking to them. The only person I haven't gotten to speak one on one to is Alex, and it seems like that's the case for the rest of the tribe. After getting THWUMPED in that immunity challenge, it's nice that we can all come together in a cohesive vote to hopefully power through in the future.

I found a leather necklace at the market, but it doesn't actually do anything until I combine it with another part. I'm not sure if my best strategy is to keep it hidden or let everyone know I have it in case they're also looking for it, but I think I'm going to keep it to myself while I search a bit more.

I'd really like to work with Cameron long term, and I have a crush on Dylan R okay that is all goodnight.

Cam

so i've been wrestling with the decision on whether or not to tell Dylan C about the idol. 

I still haven't told him. Day 3! Nobody knows but me. that's pretty cool. 

it's pretty quiet around the vote right now? everyone is still asleep i think, and morale is a little low following last night. 

-----

I didn't submit that before I left for work, rip

Cam, certified short term memory loss haver

Alex was unanimously eliminated.

[alteregowo]

Hi! I love Dan and Phil, individually and together, but I think they're not trying to hide a romantic relationship. Don't you think that after ten years, they'd finally come out if they were? I mean there are a lot of gay couples on youtube and it would not be that big of a deal today than it was in 2007. Just wanted to hear your opinion on that. Have a nice day!

before i answer, disclaimer: i have ADD and this post might get messy since i find it difficult to concentrate and phrase myself properly (and english isn’t even my main language!)

well, i’m not gonna try and force my own views down your throat or anything but let me ramble a bit about why i wholeheartedly believe dan and phil are in a relationship;

i think i’ll start with the very fact that they recently moved to their third shared home together. say whatever you want to say but if they were indeed just friends, considering they’re in their mid 20s and 30 dont you think they’d want to move out separately and get going with their lives? and dont you think they wouldn’t be so keen on making comments about keeping living together in the long run (or forever….  a forever home say whaaaat). 

now, you might argue with the good ol’ “but they benefit from living together regardless of relationship status”. fair enough. however, let me point out that it has became as clear as day especially in 2017 that they share a bedroom. i don’t know about you but i don’t think two strictly platonic friends who just moved into a duplex would want/ need to share a bedroom unless they’re uhhh mayhaps in a relationship and love to cuddle? i know a wild concept…….

and i’m sorry but if you want to argue against the shared bedroom fact with the shoebox phil claims is “his room” i have nothing to say but shake my head. no way phil actually lives in that room that has no windows and no space to move around and why is the entire room crammed in this one corner… where is the rest of the room……. and why is that room has no personal touch to it…. it’s literally just AmazingPhil props and things……… feels much more like a set to me than an actual bedroom. (also we saw phil’s mirror and hair straighter in the moon room aka “”dan’s bedroom”” which i think we can all collectively agree is simply “the bedroom”)

another thing that strikes me is how dan joins phil’s family vacations (especially in 2017) and how he seems to become part of the family much more than anyone who’s classified as “platonic” to phil would have. dan is just as much of a lester as cornelia is? dan joins the lesters just as much and as frequent as a spouse would. in fact, dan joins the lesters so much on their adventures that if im not wrong, the longest dan and phil spent apart in 2017 was not more than a weekend? that’s whack!

now these were just three things that were very prominent in 2017 regarding the belief whether dan and phil are in a relationship or not that were “behind the scenes”as in going on in their personal lives, kind of? i mean sure we see the  shoebox on AmazingPhil and the moon room in some liveshows and we get pictures from their shared vacations but now i will move on to what we see on screen across their channels

i’ll start this with a throwback to the boncas bc i think that damn speech is enough to debunk any “uwu platonic” argument, ever. i don’t think phil would have done THAT if dan didn’t mean a whole lot to him and i think saying the universe would rip in half in they go apart is a concrete proof that they themselves can;t and don’t want to imagine a life in which they are not joint at the hip. 

moving on to gamingmas, which i will forever find so significant?? they broke a lot of boundaries during that month regarding of invading personal space, a bit of a more mature humor (esp on phil’s account), casual touching and a whole lot of flirting and a lot less (almost none at all) looks straight into the camera to show they are aware this is filmed or to do a “wtf is this lol” kinda thing. gamingmas was a turning point. i will forever firmly believe they did all of that in an attempt to normalize this kind of behavior on screen (and it definitely worked!)

dan and phil continued the vibes of gamingmas well into 2017 and the casual touches, lingering gazes and flirting (as well as expressing affection towards males in specific) is now the normal running theme over at dapg to a degree where we don;t even lose our shit anymore. we joke and meme but nothing strikes us as overwhelming bc we are “used” to it, which i think dan and phil aimed for i genuinely think they wanted to get to this stage of showing more comfort and more intimacy on screen without everyone and their mothers going whack over “pHaN iS rEaL!!!!!1″ and for it all to come across as oh so casual and chill! 

so now you ask, “they go through all that why not just come out lol”

WELL, in my honest opinion, dan and phil will never officially come out as a couple. and you know what, maybe things would have been different if The Video didn’t leak and get spread around (twice, mind you.) but things happen and one thing lead to another and after all they have been through and how they were shaped as people and their experiences with guarding and protecting themselves and their privacy any sort of statement about whether or not they are a couple or just friends or even paid actors  (let alone labeling themselves and their sexuality bluntly) is highly unrealistic. so if you are waiting for a coming out video or whatever to convince you that won’t ever happen i’m afraid. 

dan and phil value their privacy and they have every right to do so.

so yes, maybe in the early days of 2009/10 they were very flirty all across social media and on camera and maybe just maybe you need to consider the few following things regarding why they stopped with that:

The Video leak. like honestly? can’t and won’t find any more justified reason to feel the need for privacy and shielding yourself and making comments on how ‘het’ you are  for instance just to brush off the most intimate thing imaginable that since has been glorified and memorized by millions(?) of people who were never meant to even know this video and that declaration of affection even exists. is it scary. and i fully understand the “no homo howell” phase and how awkward they appeared together on camera for awhile, very very proud of how far they;ve came esp in 2017 though. 

the radio show! is it a little tied to The Video leak since the second leak happened when the radio show was still fairly new but before they moved to london (into their second shared home coughs) they weren’t all that big, you know? but with the popularity of the radio show came the increasing popularity of their youtube channels and their followers/ subscribers count went up and up and their content became exposed to a much larger range of audience and these new audience/ fans were not familiar with the past (at least not at first glance) and dan and phil needed to leave “good” impression (not that being flirty and dumb wasn’t good impression but it wasn’t all that professional and now they’ve grown big enough to be in need of professionalism.)

these two things were a turning point to how dan and phil view themselves on camera and their content itself (phil sticking to the AmazingPhil PG persona) (dan with his struggles with creativity and integrity zzzz) and really, considering their story  (and how well known the early days are, and how dan and phil are aware to that…) it suddenly makes perfect sense why dan and phil aren’t in any sort of rush or need to ever come out.

however though, i think that the “post baking universe” as in the halloween 2016 baking video, the boncas speech, the european leg of tatinof, pinof 8, and gamingmas were a prep to this switch in dynamics we have seen in 2017 and that keeps very steady so far. feels as if late 2016 was so “wild” bc they were testing the waters and our reactions to see if they wanna pull through with this change. 

so, even if they will never officially come out, their dynamic both on and  off screen screams that they are literal boyfriends and they don’t need to spell it out for us to know and see. anyone who cares enough about their relationship status and look at their content with it in mind can very obviously and easily see how in love these two dorks are. same love from the early days of 2009/10 only now it has shifted into a steady, secure, safe, most wonderful thing and you can see that their love towards each other in filling their hearts with pure joy.

so yeah, dan and phil are definitely in a relationship and that doesn’t seem to change anytime soon, if ever at all.

(THAT WAS SO MESSY IM SORRY BUT I HOPE MY POINT CAME ACROSS?)

[incendavery]

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

:0

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you! 

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

HA 

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞  💓  💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits. 

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️ 

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty! 

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu​ or @wheremyscalesslither​!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk​‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!!  ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!) 

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad! 

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player! 

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be! 

hell yeah!!!! 

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh??? 

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :> 

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away! 

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you! 

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t  a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing. 

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

[ratajota]

since watching kids cartoon analyisis on youtube induces a state of verborrhage, im gonna say a few things about nelyn that ive slightly tought about and just dont sound right to me anymore:

- there are many, MANY things that nelyn does that make absolutely no sense that were basically driven by my own teenage libido, which is, the endless gay longing of sweating while thinking about holding hands. a way late teens and adults dont normally behave. nelyn, im so sorry. in which:

1 - joining the telvanni and succeeding was one of those things. partly inspired because i just wanted my friends oc to be his friend and develop them together. it gave me a bullshit excuse in how in earth would nelyn manage to become a real hortator while having the charm and charisma of a rat in dunmeri political terms, and how in earth could nelyn become so magically powerful. i made it so nelyn magically succeeded despite everything just pointing to this not working. hell, he would make a better redoran.

there was this whole arc (which i would not discard) where he got an apprenticeship at port telvannis, since he needed Mage Papers to get a shot at being a proper telvanni, worked his ass off to be independent and sustain himself, while receiving all sorts of academic mistreatment and backlash. basically, rigurous magic methods versus the purely intuitive unmethodic magic of nelyn, and also, he can´t read. the sheer discrimination of it all. he learned much more and grew more as a person by doing labor in the island than in academy, then went back to vvardenfel. originally, he did become an Alternative Alteration Smart Master Wizord, but this is just out of character. at most, he is a crazy philosopher greatly influenced by other crazy boethians

2 - those brief times with teldryn and julan that were continuously scrapped and rewritten because guess what.... didnt make sense because they all strongly clash personality wise. with teldryn, theres this great naivety of liking the first person that treats you more or less okay, with julan, which i constantly had to stop writing and twist things because they would get REALLY heated up and hated each other forever because they are both determined hot headed little shits and really had no reason to travel together (nelyn would Never give him the pleasure of letting him believe he was the neverbrain). also, this reeks a lot like transmasculine fear

i will not talk about hassim. thats too embarrassing. but consider that whole ordeal also another mistake

notice how nelyn has no acquaitances or FRIENDS and only guys that he has weird homo tension or unrequited/failed relationships with? this is called the author was a queer 16 years old with very little life experience and a lot of idealization.

3 - the weird themes around masculinity. Nelyn obviously goes from being curious, sensible/sensitive, negociating, perceptive and wary of the world and spirits, being very connected to them, to completely brazen and colluding with everything in his path, twisting everything to fit his destiny and reshaping his narrative. it makes a bit of sense if you understand that he came from a place where everything went more or less swimmingly for him, that he was doing great, was loved and everything he did was fantastic, and he harbored a quiet resentment for the very few things that were not allowed for him (ethnic belonging, a bloodline, normality as in not being a witch, the empire seeping in windhelm). it is public knowledge that morrowind simply treats anybody like shit, and boy was nelyn greatly offended. Nelyn never really acts or approaches the spiritual matters of morrowind with genuine respect and love as he treated those of skyrim, he did it with great interest, yes, but there was this very strong intention of FIXING THINGS HIS WAY, instead of feeling he was talking and negociating with a force of nature. again, aedric vs daedric stuff

there´s this thing where nelyn goes from being a very disorientated tourist having constant meltdowns (which always end in some sort of “fuck these people” realization that drives him forward - he is simply unable to sink and give up, its something hardwired in him for some reason) to a hortator, with all that word means. i took the mantling stuff into the story as well, nelyn becomes as golden as nerevar and doesnt really return to his senses until the main events are over and allows himself to suffer.. this all is casually happening as he transitions. theres this clear narrative where he stops being a victim and becomes the one holding the reins, or maybe the whip. metaphysical demonization of transmasculinity trope?

nelyn is also greatly overpowered, but for a long time, it´s absolutely useless and more of an obstacle to basic normal function. being almost unable to battle despite knowing how to use axe due to the overwhelming sensations of either the dagoth corruption or daedric energies. again, in a point of the story, he goes from passively perceiving things and communicating with them (often going very wrongly for him), and learns to materialize his will and force reality to do what he wanted, no longer listens to the world around him.

this all by itself is neutral, it does not have a relationship with gender, but at some point i just made nelyn trans just because, with little thought. i dont know if i can freely talk about this since people get their jimmies rustled, but i dont think anyones gonna care in this dying platform. it all casually ties with the hortator and conqueror themes. many times after 2017 i came across nelyn and wondered how does a person that looks, feels, and thinks like two different people at the same time can be the same person. the obvious answer is yes, these two are contained by the other one at the same time, there´s always a presence of this mystical nelyn in the more emotional matters, and theres always a hortator nelyn coming to the rescue in his earliest moments, driving him forward.

4 - nelyns transition doesnt make sense, and so doesnt the lore i constructed around it. flesh magic, good, ok, we get it, totally lore friendly. but theres no real reason why would someone with little to no problems with their physical appearance, who didnt think that an operation that is not life-saving exists, or that someone very androgynous would jump right into such drastic things just because a wizard told them they could do it. i have a lot of conflicting views of him, his image and his presentation, but his hypermasculinization, when we dont really know what it means and is necessary to be a man in morrowind, and supposedly there is gender equality in skyrim is like... wherever is this sudden short hair and stern manliness coming from? i know, PROJECTION

5- there have been a Lot of arcs that were thought about after the end of the main quest, telvanni mage nelyn, oblivion playthrough, just descent into madness, and most recently, a return to skyrim with an eventual return to morrowind. for some reason, they all meet this dead point where nelyn just breaks and cannot deal with it all anymore, with no more willpower or knowing what he wants to do, when his character for a lot of time was based on that. someday i will know the reason for this

6- i dont even remember how much i twisted the mq into something of a huge scale but definitely unrealistic