#sorry for your loss 2018

[konigbabe]

PERISH

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x gn!reader Word count: 1.6k Tags/warnings: no y/n; manga spoilers (post Shibuya timeline); canon-compliant; angst; death; emotional breakdown; hurt/no comfort; loss; grief Summary: For the first time in a long time, Satoru Gojo, the epitome of strength, breaks. Happy start of JJKS2 writing week.

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November 2018 8 minutes until Satoru Gojo’s unsealing

"Don’t worry, I’ll make it on time. I’m right behind the corner."

"We can wait," Yuji’s voice carries through the car, the static of the Bluetooth speaker occasionally cracking.

It feels like years have passed since you last saw him. Sealed away in the prison realm, Gojo’s state remains a mystery. There’s no telling how being locked in a place where time and space don’t exist can affect even the strongest minds.

That’s what worries you. What if he’ll break? What if he goes crazy on all of you? What if he explodes; wipes you all out with his technique? An endless sea of ‘what if’ swirls inside your mind as you take another turn, the mountains on your left with an ocean view on your right.

"Don’t," you reassure the youngster, "don’t wait any longer."

"You should be here, though," Megumi jumps into the conversation, "You’re closest to that idiot. He’ll want to see you."

His words draw a smile on your lips. It’s finally happening. The sleepless nights are coming to an end with the arrival of your lover.

"Then I’ll just opt for a dramatic entrance while you keep him busy," you respond before tightening your hands on the wheel. A familiar feeling washes over you; sudden knowledge of a new presence. Heart picking up, your eyes search the road for the source while the car’s speed slowly drops.

32 seconds; that’s how long it takes you to locate the source. A curse spirit manifestation stands in the middle of the road, blocking you. Its small hunched build stands a mere meter above the ground; four arms decorated by translucent fins hanging by its body, the prehnite skin glistening in the last rays of today’s sun, giving off a wet, moist appearance.

"Boys," you announce, stopping Yuji’s and Megumi’s bickering while still keeping up the cheerful, light voice in an attempt to not raise suspicions about your current predicament, "don’t wait any longer. Unseal Satoru and stop worrying ‘bout me. It’ll be fine."

Bringing the car to a slow halt, Yuji’s tone shifts into a more attentive one as your name seeps through the speaker before you hang up after one more reassurance.

As you step out of the vehicle, the curse's malevolence engulfs the air, almost tangible in its intensity. It clings to the atmosphere like a poisonous fog, penetrating your senses with a pungent sulfuric odor that threatens to overwhelm you.

Your hand slips inside your jacket to retrieve a carefully preserved seal, reserved for such precarious situations; just like this one.

"I’m sorry," with every footfall, the curse seems to shrink in size, yet its malicious nature grows stronger, the smell of sulfur almost suffocating, "but I’m in a hurry right now and you," pointing the parchment paper towards the spirit, "are in my way."

Swift and precise, your movements carry an aura of practiced precision. With little effort, you firmly press the seal upon the spirit's head, causing it to stumble momentarily before dissipating into thin air, vanquished by the power contained within the sigil.

Yet, the energy lingers.

Stronger than before. Stronger than a second ago. Its absent defense, non-existent attempt to fight or flee…it all makes sense now —

A powerful grip; a strong hand adorned with talons as keen as the finest blades dig into your shoulder as an inhuman force pushes you to the side.

As you're thrust aside, your vision catches a subtle glimmer of chrysolite, a hue that seeps into your perception; its scales are sturdy, each edge honed to a dangerous sharpness. Driven by instinct and the will to protect yourself, you reach out, your hand making contact with the curse spirit’s scaly hide.

The jagged edges of its scales cut into the delicate flesh of your fingers, leaving trails of crimson in their wake.

— it was a decoy.

Your body collides with the unforgiving side of the mountain, back meeting the rough and unyielding surface. A symphony of pain resonates within your bones, their structural integrity compromised as multiple cracks reverberate through your form.

Gasping for breath, your body instinctively seeks solace, but find none amidst the terrain. The curse doesn’t wait either. Swiftly moving forward, it lunges at you. Unforgiving. With a clear intent to strike. To kill.

During Satoru Gojo’s unsealing

There is no pain. The moment the curse’s hand breaches the barrier of your chest, you expect it. Expect some kind of visceral reaction. But there’s none — a gentle pinch, akin to a fleeting touch when the sharp claws first pierce through the protective layers of your breastplate. A slight discomfort upon the feeling of having a foreign object that’s found its place within the confines of your ribs. The barrier of your rib cage offers minimal resistance, yielding to the relentless advance that seeks to reach the very core of your being. The heart.

It all feels confusing.

"Kenjaku sends his regards," it whispers, the words slurred by the razor-sharp fangs that protrude from its mouth.

October 31, 2018 — 8:09 PM

"What’s the worst that can happen?"

Satoru saunters around the corner of the table, his presence punctuated by the audible slurping of juice from a small cartoon container. All while your palms rest on top of the said furniture, fingernails tapping at the surface.

The news has spread fast through the jujutsu community, faster than wildfire. Whispers of an unknown curtain cast around Shibuya an hour ago, trapping all non-sorcerers, innocent civilians, inside its insidious grasp with only one demand: Bring Satoru Gojo.

"Don’t say it like that, Satoru," you turn to face the man whose casual and dismissive demeanor only adds fuel to the worries setting inside your bones.

"They’re a bunch of curses," his hand finds its place on your hip bone while placing the empty container away, "Some special grades, yeah, but they’re weak compared to me. I’ll deal with them, save some people in the meantime, and bam," he snaps his fingers loudly, "We can go home. Get that sunset date you’ve been babbling about. Life is good," he finishes with a kiss on the crown of your head.

Life is good.

You watch the sun dip below the horizon behind the curse spirit’s back, indulging the sinister being in a halo glow.

Yeah. In the end, life was good.

2 hours and 48 minutes after Satoru Gojo’s unsealing

For a moment, he stands still. Unable to look down; frozen in time. The weight of it all seems to bear down upon his shoulders – now that Sukuna’s taken over Megumi’s body, Nanami’s and Yaga’s death, Suguru’s body being used as a vessel, the slow crumbling fall of the Jujutsu world – and now you; being gone.

Satoru Gojo, the strongest sorcerer of the current time. Yet even his immense power proves futile as the people he loves keep dying on him…because of him.

A burden that threatens to crush him beneath its insurmountable gravity.

The air around him hangs heavy with sorrow, as if the very essence of grief has manifested itself in the atmosphere. A storm of emotions swirls within him; a combination of disbelief, anguish and a gnawing ache that gnashes at the core of his being.

He clenches his fists, fingers trembling with a mixture of sorrow and determination. In that agonizing moment, he finds the strength to finally lower his gaze, to confront the devastating truth that lies at his feet.

Everyone holds their breaths, the weight of his misery echoing in the silence as his eyes meet the lifeless visage of the one he holds dearest.

Of you.

Hand reaching out, his fingers graze the once-soft flesh of your hand; now cold and stiff. It serves as a confirmation of reality. There’s no getting you back, no way Shoko can nurture you back to health with her technique.

You’re gone.

And in that harrowing instant, the façade crumbles. The walls he built to contain his pain come crashing down, and Satoru Gojo, the epitome of strength, breaks.

Crumbling down on his knees, the vulnerability that spills forth from his broken form is raw and unrestrained. Only a handful of those closest to him stand behind to witness the symphony of torment that pierces the silence. Tears stream down his face, each drop carrying the weight of a thousand unspoken words, moments you two could’ve spent together.

One hand covering his mouth to silence the guttural sounds, the other reaches out to you, tenderly cradling your lifeless head upon his lap. He clings to the fragile hope that if he could provide just enough warmth and love, you might return to him.

Yuji looks around the room, at the people who silently observe their friend fall apart. Taking a step towards the hunched man, a soft grasp stops him mid step; Kiyotaka shakes his head, pushing his glasses back in place as Shoko looks down. For the first time, she’s unable to figure out her classmate, her childhood friend, the man whose side she’s always stayed by.

"Gojo," Yuji doesn’t allow Kiyotaka to stop him. Believing in what’s right, he stands behind his teacher’s back.

Hand laying on the tense muscle of his shoulder, he doesn’t attempt to comfort Satoru with any words — no words in this universe would bring you back anyway. Instead, his hand just rests there. Unmoving. Gentle.

"Who did it," his words cause Shoko to look back up as Satoru, stone-faced and stoic, speaks in a firm, devoid voice. Imagines of unspeakable horror flashes in his mind as he stands up, towering over the wide-eyed Yuji.

"Tell me now," his eyes search Kiyotaka’s, voice filled with undeniable authority, "I’ll kill them, kill them all."

[tvarchive]

I hate when people use the word “condolences”. I hate how in the beginning, everyone wants to send you flowers and donate to, like, a foundation for your dead person. And then they stop calling and writing and doing nice things for you because they're over it, and they expect you to be over it.

ELIZABETH OLSEN as Leigh Shaw Sorry for Your Loss S01 (2018—2019)

[adoregojo]

valentines - sae itoshi x reader

yayyyyy I finished it, im free :3 im so freaking sleepy rn warnings: angst, very happy ending the chap before: one

2017

it's been years since you last saw sae.

those 3 years without the elder itoshi felt unfilled, missing it familiar spark. visiting the sea doesn't feel the same without the reddish-brown boy alongside with you. his endless grumbles about how luck keeps running the opposite direction and it's always loss in the in of his road were now just a remains echoing inside your head.

it's not that his face wasn't rememberable anymore, in fact, his face was glued on every bug screen around japan. under the name of the japan prodigy himself. however his face was blurry and those big-screens always do him unjustifiably. pictures were good, but sae grew. oh how you wished you could have grew together again.

you missed his actual face, when he would reveal his rare unseen smile to you. even when he didn't smile, there was something there, your grandma always said that his eyes would go soft under the mention of your name. when actual emotions were still swirling in his heartland. now you looking at his face, his slime teal eyes were so..bleary.. sae looked like he lost all his colours.

you wished you could embrace him, just like you used to when you two were kids after he flunked his math test and the first thing he does is let you hug him and play with his hair, sae told you that he would never let someone else do that to him yet the word shameless was unfound beside you.

but now you were helpless. thinking about the great distance itself between you two was crushing.

you kept writing, and sae promised to write back. at least he did at first, within the next months his letters and calls were fading, draining each day, they were getting awfully dry to the point you felt he was just saying anything to make shut you down. but in the end he stopped completely. no matter how much you texted or called they were never answered.

yet you kept on writing, even when he didn't reply. you sent him birthday cards on his, remained him of yours as well. however he never responded. you write and send, write and send, write and send damn letters nonstop. at some stage you didn't know where to send them anymore. they were never replied to, never seen nor read.

soon your texts became green. and it felt like a door was slammed on your face.

you felt desperate, like a dog waiting for it owner returned. and you could feel the pity glimpses in everyone's faces, in school, neighbourhood, sometimes even your own grandma, except that she held more sympathy with it.

perhaps, the younger itoshi was the only one who didn't change much. just like you, sae stopped his communication with him as well. but he handled it way better than you did, the letters 'big brother will come back, he's just busy' fell out rin's mouth every time he senses you unhidden soreness.

you should believe in what he says, it's literally his brother. his own flesh and blood, his family. yet you didn't ease up under his words, if anything it worried you even more. you felt it, the wave screaming back at you that something bad will happen, something that'll change everything forever.

and you knew you were right when opened the door revealing rin with tears running down his reddened cheeks.

2018

rin never told you what happened that tragic snowy night.

all you could remember was him shedding tears like there was no tomorrow, they were silent yet so painful that you felt sorry for the boy. you always took rin as an unbending person, he was like sae but much more chill and dare you say more friendly?

you warped a blanket around him when he slept in the guest room, you never pressured him. never pushed him, thinking about it now, you should probably have. because you woke up to that bed soothed back all clean and empty the next morning.

and it felt like rin last strike of humanity was left dead under your roof.

rin changed, and everything changed with him. maybe you didn't, perhaps you grew doleful, dejected. waiting was hard, pouring down your soul. it felt like the sky was telling you that you were waiting for nothing, but to be truthful, not only the sky was implying that.

you saw how the younger itoshi would look at you when he saw you writing letters to sae. he said nothing and stood silent, yet his eyes were pleading with you to stop, to give up on his brother before he curses you for good. however, you were already cursed by sae a long time ago.

even when he left for that project, deep inside. he wanted to say something, to speak up. the words were on the tip of his tongue yet he kept on opening his mouth and closing it like a lost fish. then rin left without a word, leaving you to face the truth by yourself.

you found it strange when every time you were present in the tv room, the first thing your grandmother dose is close the tv or change the channel. it was weird, you never remembered her being a big fan of national animals shows. she always liked the news which was what she kept avoiding for a while for some reason. her protection wouldn't last forever.

a secret kept swimming around you, just walking around in the hallways was enough for everyone to either laugh or look at you with such pity. even the teachers? what was going on, what kind of secret could it be to impair you this much?

you wished to stay curious, to stay lost in your little circle of agony but not to witness the man that planted dead hopes within you was now cutting your roots of holden on faith.

you saw a picture of sae kissing another girl, and you felt your soul getting toured up by him.

like the world itself was laughing at you naiveness, how stupid you were. you felt used, the wasted years you spent waiting on someone who didn't even care felt like a pure burning betrayal. you got that light message, sae was basically telling you to get off his back, you were no longer needed.

you meant nothing that anyone could possibly overshadow you. you got tossed aside, a dusty memory that was never worth holding in the first place.

you stopped writing letters after that day.

2021

"nice having you back in japan, genius boy."

aiku laughed, but the man ahead of him didn't even spare a smile at him. instead he found the glass of drink in front of him more interested. the black head let out a sigh, he guessed that sae isn't exactly a man of change, he needs to stop letting his hopes up for nothing.

it's an understatement to say that aiku was surprised that the elder itoshi would even acknowledge his invitation for a night out at what he called a fancy bar. hell, sae probably didn't even like wine in the first place. yet he was here, looking around with his boredom eyes that never opened fully.

"soo, you finally opened your heart for your dear home?." aiku asked, taking a sip of his own drink. through the transparent glass, he could see the slim teal eyes peeking at him.

"what's up with that interview question? don't say you invited me for this." sae spat out, the place was awfully packed despite it being the middle of the night. and he would lie if he said he wanted to spend another second here.

"haha, once a stiff always a stiff. thought i would get a thank you for getting you out of your forlorn shell for awhile. i mean, look at those chicks, you sure you don't wanna catch yourself a little fun? heard you were left out on valentines eve."

the elder itoshi frown a brow, "you think you're my wingman or some shit? don't get too high of yourself just 'cause i went out here with you." scoffing, the reddish head crossed his arms.

before aiku could get a chance to reply, a sultry voice called. "you boys would like a refill?" the suffocating smell of her perfume was pocking sae's nose, which made him hard grimace in disgust. while on the other hand, the shaggy head threw a sly smile at him for some reason, he better not do anything stupid.

"not me, hun. but my friend over there would definitely like to. right, sae?" he should've knew better. he knew this fucker was trying to set him up with some, it didn't even need a rethink when his glass wasn't even half way empty.

sae could feel a vine running through his head when the high heels sound was lifted to his side. his personal space was getting tackled when the woman bend over with her breath that reeked of unhidden smoke and alcohol was tickling his ear.

"Oh? you must be a new one. we got specials for those." she breath out, her hand running down sae's arm. he had to stop himself from getting defensive at her sharp nails stabbing him through the fabric of his clothes. "you can request anything you please, even these lewd things going on your head."

her flirting was on death ears, he didn't even take a glimpse at her. nudging that man was like trying to punch a wall. sae told himself to ignore and she'll get the message and leave him alone already.

"c'mon now, whatever little sweetheart you clinging onto doesn't have to know."

and that hits a nerve, "anything you say? than I request you to step the fuck back you good for nothing tart creature." as soon as these harsh words come out, a loud gasp was heard. and sae couldn't find it in himself to stop the next words of coming out. "I came here for someone, not some harlot woman wiggling over me. go throw yourself on some pimp maybe you'll find a purpose inside their pants or something."

soon, it turns into a crying mess. and sae remains stiff. the only reaction he could give was sipping on his drink, he saw aiku trying to stop the women from running before stroking the bridge of his nose is disbelief.

"what the hell man.. you could've just told her to leave you alone."

"I don't like pushy people."

he hears a scoff, then aiku swaying after the other woman. sae could feel the eyes of strangers staring him down, not that he cares, not even about that woman who he sent crying, she can collect what's left from her dignity, if there was any in the first place. he was too busy rethinking why did he speak those words.

and why did was your face the first thing to pop up his mind when he said that.

it's been years, and he couldn't believe that he agreed to aiku's request, yet he'll never admit that he wanted any reason to step here again. any reason to see you again, he never thought he still had it in his heart to miss you. to be eager for you, he found himself bubbling with excitement like a little kid again.

sae can't figure why are you suddenly so heavy on his mind, was it the years of pushing you to the corner of his mind was paying off? even the tiniest things were enough to makeshift you in a way. it felt like he couldn't escape you, you were in everything and everyone. in the side planted flowers, in the little kids laughs, in the bright colours of the sun.

he wondered if you still think of him, if you still hold on him after seven years of being absent in every way possible. you turned eighteen without him, you probably had much more friends by now, maybe even changed your haircut, he remembers you rambling about how your grandma wouldn't let you change the same haircut for years now. sae himself doesn't notice the smile forming on his lips.

"wash that sappy face off, doesn't suit you." a firm voice stated, he didn't even have to turn around and see when he knew this tone like the back of his hand. lo and behold, his younger brother standing there.

"rin."

"shitty brother."

rin walked up to the table, his hands deep in his pockets. standing in such a filthy place made shift disgustingly. not even trying to hide his displeasure staring at both his brother and whoever walks by like a walking foul trash bags. or maybe that's just his natural face.

he didn't take the obvious abandon seat, instead he stood like he just needed a minute before taking his leave. "didn't expect you to be back, though you called this place unworthy of your presence." said rin, his eyes doesn't held them loathing anymore. but still a hint of unbearableness was there, that'll take some time to wash away.

"i have my reasons." he simply replied, he was never releasing his feelings.

"plus, what the hell are you doing here? and don't lie to me when you look like seconds away from throwing up." sae question,

"you need to get a assertive manager next time." rin shrugged, he wasn't planning on lying. the guy almost shat himself at the sight of rin alone. maybe he should work in his face expression.

"well, I know you aren't here for a heartwarming family reunion. so spit it out already." rude as ever, but the younger itoshi learned to not raise his hopes too much when it came to his brother.

rin doesn't reply to that, instead he reaches for his black coat pocket. lifting out some designed letter, leaned it carefully over the table for him to take. so sae does, playing around with the object, he sided eye his brother.

"a wedding invitation." rin answered before he could question.

"yours?" he asked in disbelief, that was not a face of a man getting married.

his younger brother started at him like he grew another head, "no?" he almost gagged, narrowing his eyes.

"then i have no interest in wasting my time."

"just read it you damn slacker." rin demand, he did not come all the way here for his older brother to act like a spoiled brat. he swore he's gonna shove that letter down his throat if don't stop yapping.

finally sae let out a dramatic sigh before opening the letter, whatever name it was, it better be worth it. and part of him wished he never opened it.

because his eyes uncontrollably traveled to your name, not even that he read the start nor the beginning. he wished it was a mistake, maybe someone else's name and it was all pure coincidence. his eyelids flicker open, he read it once, twice, and the world felt like it stopped.

"..it's in two days by the way.. and stop looking at the letter like that, your gonna burn it." rin words went from ear to ear. but sae managed to catch something in the lines 'in two days'

"two days?.. why am i getting an invitation now?" words came out mindlessly, he wanted to ask more, who, how and when. his mind was on track. sae never wished for something to be a sick joke like now.

"are you serious? be grateful you were even in the list." nevertheless, rin didn't like his question. is that really what he asked? not even about you? however, his brother colourless face spoke more.

sae didn't reply, he looked at the letter in his hand like it was his worst enemy. rin wished his brother wasn't a damn block headed maybe then he'll get his fingers on what's running inside his mind. so rin takes his leave, letting his brother handle the news by himself.

"woah, man. that girl just wouldn't stop crying. I'm starting to believe you're truly heartless." aiku let out breathlessly, but he was met of a new face of sae, it was the first time he say any other expression on his face. especially something..this emotional..

"dude, you okay? looks like you've seen a ghost."

maybe even someone as cold as sae could carry a fragile heart.

2021 February 18

it felt like the universe was laughing at him.

fate was truly the cruelest, out of any other day. it had to day, the day that was meant for you and him, just fir another guy to snatch his place like a piece of candy. he wished it was him, he wished he didn't come here in the first place. yet he was, surrounded with unfamiliar faces chit chatting around.

sae regrets stepping in here, he wanted to leave. to runaway. he doesn't want to face it, to face you walking down with another man that is not him. but he wanted to see you so bad, why did this feel like this is his only chance to see you ever again?

he felt aimless, and the people talking wasn't helping him either.

"did you hear? they're gonna rent a house on a beach!"

"oh my, they're so lucky. wished mine would have the same mindset."

fucking kill him.

"you actually came? thought you'd leave like the spineless coward you are." the voice of rin was merciless. and most of all brutally honest.

"shut up. I don't wanna hear it." sae waved him off, he didn't wanna hear it. especially his little brother berating him senselessly. deep down, he knew he deserved it. he was the one that stepped over your heart when he promised to take care of it. maybe he is a coward.

after he followed after rin, which took to long for his liking, he had to complain. "fuck you taking me to?" he spat out.

"be patient, don't you wanna talk to them?"

that somehow shuts down any chance of any other objection, it felt like ages before they got to the meant room. and for some reason, sae doesn't enter yet, he doesn't find the guts to.

"why did you even invite me to this?"

"me? invite you? you wish." rin jeered, his brother was definitely not in the right mindset to think such thing. "they invited you, if anything i thought it was better not to."

"I didn't even think you'd come, looks like you still got something in that frigid heart of yours. but it's already too late to come over your fears."

a ghost smile form on sae's face, at his own stupidity, at rin's truthful manner. at himself,

"i know that."

he closed the door behind, and slowly walked into the room. his steps were heavy they kept on echoing through the walls. announcing to the world what he was doing. it was a miracle he didn't fumble his feet on the way, and more of a miracle when he didn't faint at how beautifully you shone.

you quickly stood up, the white dress mimicking your movements. he was right, you did change your hairstyle after all, and oh, how you good you made it look.

"sae? you actually came.." you exclaimed. examining him from head to toe, he did change, more like he grew. he wasn't the same height as you anymore, his bangs were long gone. and he refused to meet your eyes. looking at everything but your gaze.

"yeah." he pushed out his lips.

it was strange, seeing the one he promised to marry get married to another one. his first crush, first crush, his first heartbreak, the first heart he shattered. all the memories of childhood came like a rush wave of air, and what lingered was your face at the airport, the day you said goodbye. the day he heard you sniffing behind him, yet he didn't turn.

perhaps because he knew out everyone, he would've gave up everything just to not see you a tear run down your face. or it would be him crying with and be a couple of crying mess. yes you got him warped your finger like that.

sae only knew a world with you, and he knew his soul stayed with you the day he left.

"it's been a while,"

"seven years, it's been seven years." the male corrected

"i know." you giggle bitterly. he knew you knew. you both knew but none spoke or mentioned anything.

"how have you been?" he had now idea of what to say or ask of you, that was your fucking weeding of course you're happy. damn, even his younger self wasn't that clueless.

"I'm good. you?"

I'm missing you terribly.

"good."

"that's good.." you shifted awkwardly, like you wanted to hide from him. was he making you that uncomfortable?

"can i?" stretching out his arms slightly, he was ready for you reject it, to punch him, to scream at him. but you nodded instead.

you lean right on his chest, his hesitate arm on the small of your back. when was the last he hugged someone? it was much easier when you two were kids. it sure felt warm, your cologne taking over his senses. he just didn't feel like fits the puzzle anymore. and it fucking hurt.

it didn't last long sadly, taking yourself out of his embrace. he doesn't want to let go, if he let go, you'll disappear. despite that he looked into your eyes, and suddenly he doesn't feel only half alive. you still got him warped around your finger like that.

"i need to go, it was nice seeing you again, sae."

he could only nodded, every step he took away from you felt like the world was draining it colors again, the universe was punishing him, because seeing you not sparing a glance back was truly painful.

the evening felt timeless, it skips to where he sat looking heedlessly at the ground. he didn't want to meant anyone's face nor attention. he bet that his was gloomy enough to scare off anyone who walks by.

one's begs to differ.

"well, well. if that ain't a face I haven't seen in a long time." an elderly woman said, the same old sly smile still glued to her face. she takes a seat beside sae, fearlessly nudging him to look at her.

"it's you."

"it's me, that old granny you used to call a hag." your grandma said.

"That was one time, and you spanked me for it."

"i sure did, always been a badass." she laughed, and sae found the invisible beam draw in it way to her face.

"look at you, you grew to a fine young man." he hissed when she pinched his cheek, almost as if she meant for it to hurt. he had rub the spot with a grunt.

"despite that, it's sad to say you disappointed me, itoshi sae." she spoke in a straightforward manner. almost like she was scolding him. and when say nothing she continues.

"I would've given you another spank but my grandchild would be mad, they still cares for you. always been." the lady sighed, "they never gave up on you, four years is a real challenge. every day they kept on writing to you, did you perhaps read them."

"every singer night."

"but you didn't respond to a single one?"

he doesn't replay to that.

"don't prove me wrong again. that girl you put your mouth on, why?"

sae's hand travel down his neck, trying to find the right answer. as if there was one. "i wanted them to give up on me. i just felt pushing them and everyone away was the right thing."

"so you became a selfish bastard that kills everything he touches? i knew you were dumb but not that dumb." she shook her head, he had concerned her swinging her cane over his head.

"it doesn't matter, it was already done." lies sliding down his throat. and he knew even a strong face wasn't enough to hide the truth. she could see him bare.

"maybe if you weren't that stupid, you'd have managed to keep the only person that could handle you. but I'm never wrong so i guess you two did end up together in another lifetime."

"but i wanted them in this one."

"too bad, too late." it felt like a sucker punch, he wished for her to actually beat him with that cane at least it'd be less hurtful and heavy. again the urge to leave was strong. and it was getting stronger when that man stood there, and when you walked he couldn't take his eyes off, he couldn't even blink. you never looked so breathtaking. and there he knew that his place didn't get stolen, but earned by someone else. someone better than him. someone that could make you happy and wouldn't make you hold on to a forsaken promise.

yesterday it was him proposing to you with his dead grandparents ring, today it was another one warping it around your finger. the image will hunt him to his death.

the him that promised, the him who kisses you injures, the him who saw you in sunset above the sea. was still there, that version was still swirling within him somehow. and it only shon with your light only. the light that will never be his anymore.

to sae you'll forever be his everlasting one in the stars.

"goodbye." he hopped he chose you in another life.

lmao this is trash mb yall

[matthewrhys]

Elizabeth Olsen and Luke Kirby as Leigh and Tripp Sorry for Your Loss— "Welcome to Palm Springs" (2018)

[alocon]

A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant To Be [6] - Max Verstappen

written by alocon

Note: Name and Part One based on the song A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant To Be by Jess Benko

Summary: After a lot of rumours on twitter, all is revealed in an episode of your podcast

Before you read: Use of Y/N (sorry!!), angst (kind of), THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SENSITIVE CONTENT. LIST BELOW, PLEASE BE WARNED THAT IT WILL CONTAIN CHAPTER SPOILERS. Look after yourself

WARNINGS: Discussion of pregnancy, loss of a child, and other difficult subjects such as mental health and cheating

NOTE: There is social media at the end which is important to the story but I can summarise at the start of the next chapter so don't worry if you can't read this, you will get a summary next chapter x

fc: Blanca Soler

[Previous Part Here][The Masterlist]

A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant To Be [Part Six] - MV¹

youruser

liked by maxverstappen1 and others

youruser: Hi all! I know that recently there have been a lot of rumours about the end of the 2018 season and my break up with Max, as well as allegations of me cheating on him. I have already discussed these rumours and clearly stated that it is not true, as has Max. However, I feel that you still haven't been given enough of an explanation on the situation as a whole and I am finally in a situation where I am able to talk about it. I am making this post for a fair warning that this episode of my podcast will contain themes which may be sensitive to some individuals. The warning list is written below...see more

view all comments

maxverstappen1: Proud of you for being able to discuss that

youruser: Thank you Max

user1: Any guests or just you?

youruser: Me, Max, Charles, Seb and Kimi

user2: Not her trying to make money out of this situation

youruser: As has been stated since I started my podcast in 2018, all money goes straight to charity. Earnings from this week's episode goes to The Pregnancy Association of Europe, a charity that looks into why pregnancy goes wrong, if there is a way to prevent it and gets help for those who suffer loss during pregnancy. (A/N: MADE UP CHARITY FOR THE STORY X)

charles_leclerc: Might've cried a little bit whilst filming this, but I think we all did.

maxverstappen1: I did

----

Pole Position Podcast - Episode 75: Let’s Talk Babies w. KR7, SV5, CL16 and MV33

Y: YOU, M: MAX, C: CHARLES, S: SEB, K: KIMI

The podcast started off with Seb sitting in the middle of the sofa. There were two people sitting beside him: Charles and Max. Then, on one of the mini seats to one side of the sofa was Kimi and to the other was an empty seat for you, you were behind the camera. 

Y: This is a very different episode of the podcast. Right, can we check our audio syncs up before we start? 

You placed your headphones on, counting down for everyone to clap. They did and the audio synced up perfectly from each mic. You returned to your seat. The table, which was usually bare apart from the notes from the episode, including questions and other things, had no paper, instead having a variety of foods. You looked at the camera. 

Y: Alright, hello everyone. Welcome to the Pole Position podcast. Hope you’re all doing well. This is episode 75 and I am here with four lovely people, rather than one or two like I usually do. So, one by one would you guys like to introduce yourselves? Char maybe it’s best if you start because you’ve done this many times before?

C: *he nodded* Hello everyone, I’m Charles Leclerc. I am a Formula One driver who drives for Scuderia Ferrari. I’ve been on this podcast a lot. I’m basically the co-host at this point.

You chuckled

M: Hi, I’m Max Verstappen, I am a Formula One driver who drives for Red Bull, and a 3 time world champion.

S: I’m Sebastian Vettel, a retired Formula One driver who has driven for BMW Sauber, Toro Rosso, Red Bull, Ferrari and Aston Martin. I am a 4 time world champion.

K: And I’m Kimi Raikkonen, also a retired Formula One driver who has driven for McLaren, Ferrari (twice), Lotus and Alfa Romeo… Did I miss one?

Y: Sauber, right? When they were sponsored by Red Bull and Petronas?

K: How did you remember that and I didn’t? You’re basically a child.

Y: How am I the child here, both of those two are younger than me.

C: Wait, we are?

M: Yes??? She’s August 23rd, I’m September 30th, you’re October 16th.

C: 1997? *He looked at you, still confused*

Y: Yes, how did you not know that? We’ve known each other since we were 3, Charles.

C: I thought you were ‘98 for some reason.

K: Come on, even I knew that.

You clapped your hands, getting everyone’s attention.

Y: Right, back on track. Today’s episode is a more emotional one. As you know, when I started my podcast, I didn't really properly explain why I started it. I kind of summarised it, I think I said that it was something recommended by my therapist to talk about life. But I’ve never really used it to talk about the deep stuff. So today we’re going to talk about why I actually started this podcast and what happened in late 2018.

Y: I know people will be wondering why I need 4 other people to explain this with me. After the end of 2018, my brain kind of suppressed most of the more minor details and stuff so some of it I don’t remember much of, which is why these 4 are here, to kind of put all of the pieces together. So… Where do we start? With the breakup or the tests?

C: What one happened first?

M: You told me that the tests happened on Thursday evening so maybe the breakup.

Y: Alright. Max, do you want to take the lead on this one?

He nodded.

M: Alright so I broke up with Y/N on the Thursday morning before the Brazilian Grand Prix in 2018, aka Media Day. In hindsight, that was a really shitty thing to do. Everyone was really surprised by it because I absolutely was a dickhead when we split up. However, what I should’ve done is been completely honest and discussed my reasoning. I broke up with Y/N because my dad threatened me with an inappropriate sexual photo of her which he had somehow got his hands on. Likely egged on by Christian. I didn’t know how he got his hands on it, I don’t know what happened, but he had threatened to have it leaked if I didn’t break up with her, so I deemed it for the best and I did it. But the real issue was that I didn’t tell her why. I didn’t keep her in my life, I completely pushed her away. Again, a beyond stupid mistake, possibly the worst of my life. 

Y: Yeah, so that happened, it impacted me pretty badly. 

S: I think that’s an understatement there, no?

K: Just a bit. I remember her completely breaking down to me over it straight after it happened because she didn’t want to worry you two and she didn’t want to ruin Max’s friendship with Charles.

Seb, Charles and Max all looked at you. This was new information for the three of them. 

M: I’m still, genuinely really sorry about that. I feel so bad about the way I did it. 

Y: Max I’ve already forgiven you for it.

M: And yet I will apologise until the day we die if you let me.

C: ANYWAYS, so then in the evening I get a text from her basically saying “Hey, can you come over, it’s kind of important.” And I know this woman’s tendency to underreact in situations so when she said kind of, I took it as “likely very important” and headed straight there.

Y: Do I underreact or do you overreact?

M: Both

K: Both

S: Both

Y: Great.

You reached for a tortilla chip that was in a bowl on the table and took a bite after dipping it in salsa.

Y: So Charles comes over, asks what's wrong without hesitating. I didn’t even get a hi out, just opened the door and boom. Question. So I explained to him how I had been feeling kind of weird and I’d been feeling sick and tired all the time but it had been happening for a couple weeks and I knew it wasn’t sickness. That’s as far as I remember before the tests.

C: So I was like “oh, that’s weird. Have you had your period recently?” You said no but it didn’t usually anyway, I don’t know how it works.

Y: Basically, a side effect of the contraceptive pill that I take is that it stops my period. So either way I wouldn’t know just from that sign.

M: You still take it?

Y: Yeah, I do.

M: Are you actually getting laid?

Y:... Anyways, moving on.

Max laughed at that as Charles continued talking.

C: So, because it would probably cause some media attention if she went to buy tests or I went, we asked Hanna to and she was more than happy to. So she and Seb came over with pregnancy tests and dinner and like a LOT of ice cream just in case because we decided that we can risk our trainers yelling at us to cheer her up. I was not aware that her and Max had broken up by this point. I don’t think any of us except those two were.

K: And me.

C: And Kimi. 

S: So anyways, me and Hanna come over and we sit on the bed and talk whilst Y/N is downing water like there is no tomorrow, you know, so she could take the tests. And then she did the tests and we spent the next 5 minutes talking whilst we ate some of our food and then she checked the test and she was pregnant. We were all happy for her because, and correct me if I’m wrong here, guys, weren’t you two like kind of casually trying at this point?

Max looked at you and you smiled, indicating that he could answer.

M: Kind of. We were to the point where we wouldn’t complain about being parents so it was a kind of situation of “if it happens, it happens but if not, so what”.

C: So then she got a little upset and we were like “why are you sad, weren’t you guys okay if this happened?” and that’s when she told us that they had split up earlier that day. So, really, like god awful timing. 

Y: The rest of that evening was just kind of like them cheering me up. I tried to contact Max but he had blocked me, which I didn’t really understand at that point.

M: It was so I could not call or text because I didn’t want the photo to be leaked.

You nodded.

Y: So I think it was me, Charles, Seb, Hanna, Kimi, Minttu, Lew, and Val, except Lewis and Valtteri didn’t actually know. The others did though. I think, before this podcast gets released, the only people who know are the people here, Christian Horner, Fred Vasseur, Hanna, Minttu, my mother…

M: Christian knew?

Y: Yeah, we’ll get into that later, though. And Fred knew because I had to call him to be like “I have to go to the hospital about this tomorrow, I can’t race this weekend. And he’s family to me. So rather than racing, I went to the hospital. Hanna and Minttu came with me. Turns out I was 8 weeks along. I was like “shit, if I have this baby I’m going to miss so much racing” but apparently I was safe to drive after the 20 week mark until like the start of the 8th month as long as I was more careful than usual and got check ups after every race. SO overall I would’ve missed maybe like 6 races, so I was like, right. I should tell Christian, you know? Warn him. So I told Christian and he instantly started complaining, being like “What if this what if that? This is why we should’ve hired a man to drive”, that kind of stuff. But I think that was the heat of the moment. But then he doesn’t change and he tells my mother for some reason because he knows her and she kicks off and basically disowns me and tells me that I am not making a good choice and that I’m crazy and stuff. Fun. Anyways, going into December, I was really really overwhelmed. I don’t know what it was like from an outside perspective but it was shit from mine. 

K: Terrifying.

You all turned to look at Kimi. The entire 20 minutes of the podcast so far, he hadn’t had much to say, which you got because he’s Kimi Raikkonen.

K: From an outsider perspective it was terrifying. From my perspective, at least. Seeing the way you were so stressed and you wouldn’t eat as much. You were no longer happy, you were constantly anxious, even about how you looked, if people could tell, if you weren’t looking as nice even though you looked fine. It was really scary seeing you go down such a path, especially after everything your mother said to you. 

You sniffled slightly, getting emotional as you never really publicly opened up about this stuff. Charles and Seb agreed at this point.

Y: So then, a couple weeks into December, I can’t remember the exact date.

C: December 11th.

Y: December 11th, I was feeling strange. I had really bad stomach pain. Like awful. I just figured, for some reason, that it was because of the fact I hadn’t eaten much yet that day so I decided to sleep it off, see if I felt better in the morning. And, before we get into this, this may be slightly graphic and it’s a lot more graphic than I described to Max and Seb and Kimi so please be warned. I wake up in the morning, about 3am. And I sat up in my bed and I felt something wet on my lower body. So I was like “What the fuck” and I turn on the light and, uhm.

You paused, taking a deep breath in an attempt not to cry. You felt a hand slip into yours and squeeze. You looked to see Max looking at you with those soft, beautiful eyes. He was looking at you in the most gentle of ways. You felt yourself tipping over the edge slightly, voice cracking as you began to speak again.

Y: I turned on my light and I just saw red. Like, my bedsheets, which were usually white, were just red. Everything was red. I don’t remember too much after that, other than just feeling numb. Charles had been staying with me at that point. Max had just moved out and Charles’ apartment had flooded so I invited him to stay in my house until the apartment was sorted. I don’t really remember much, I don’t know if you do, Char.

C: I do. May I?

You nodded.

C: So I wake up because I hear a scream. Like not a happy one. Just a shocked sounding scream. So of course I went straight into her room to see if she was okay and the lower half of her bed was covered in blood, her shorts, her legs were all just covered in blood. It was, excuse the explanation, like something out of a horror movie. And she just… kind of sat there. Frozen. It was like she couldn’t move or speak, she just sat there. Kind of void of all emotion on her face other than her crying. I remember taking her phone and calling her baby doctor person, because she gave her phone for emergencies. And she answered and I apologised for calling so late and explained the situation because of the amount of blood just… Didn’t look normal. And she said to take her to the hospital if I was concerned. So I did and we went to the hospital and they sorted everything out. I don’t remember exactly what it was but either way we went home and we spent the next week or so just camping in, eating junk food, trying to relax and at least attempting to be calmer. I think it wasn’t until the new year that you told Christian. 

Y: Yeah, I started therapy like a week after the miscarriage. And then, on the 29th of December was when you two, Han and Mina found out, I think?

S: Yeah, I remember Hanna sitting down when we got there.

K: You being late, as usual

S: Yeah, yeah. So Hanna asked how you and nugget were, which is what we had nicknamed the baby and you just kind of cracked. You started crying and they asked what was wrong and that’s when you told us that you had miscarried. So we went out and tried to make sure you had the best day of your life. 

Y: That’s where the photo came from as well. The photo of me and the “mystery guy” whose face was blanked out was just a photo of me and Charles hugging because I got a little upset. I will post the photo here and if you’re listening on Spotify or Apple music, the screenshot of the story with the date attached is on my Instagram story highlights.

Y: So then I told Christian and he told my mother once again and also then proceeded to use it against me. BUT that’s all we have time for today. If anyone wants, we can do an episode purely based on my RBR treatment. Just let us know. Have a lovely day, I’ve been your host Y/N and we will see you next time.

Max, Kimi, Seb and Charles all said goodbye before the episode ended.

-Word Count: 2.6k-

Hi all!! Here's part 6, more drama unfolding. This story will continue to slander Christian Horner btw. In this story he is an awful person because it made the plot better x Anyways hope you enjoyed Max going on a podcast (well, two) because she asked him to so it was worth going on. Have a good day x Alocon

Taglist: @c-losur3 @itsjustkhaos @reidsworld @d3kstar

[filministic]

Sorry for Your Loss (2018-2019)

[damn-stark]

Chapter 19 I’m sorry for your loss

Chapter 19 of Sugar

A/N- We have to go on a small hiatus to catch up to the anime after this chapter!

Warning- Swearing, ANGST!, fluff?, Violence, death, blood and gore, spoilers, SLOW BURN, heavy pining, long chapter.

Pairing- Choso x Gojo!fem-reader, Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Takes place during- 2x17-2x20, and snippet spoilers for chapters 133 and 134!!

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

*A FEW YEARS BACK. 2008*

“I wish I was fearless like you. I’m always scared.”

You laugh softly at Mimiko’s comment, and as brave as you want to sound, you don’t stray from the truth.

“When I was a little girl,” you begin to share softly. “Just like you, I was scared.”

Nanako giggles and argues against you since all she sees now is you being fearless. “That’s not true. I don’t believe it.”

You nod. “It’s true,” you insist and glance at your right side to look at her. “When I was little I used to be scared of many things,” you continue softly. “I was scared of curses, I was scared of bugs, and almost anything that went bump in the night.” You sigh and look up at the ceiling. “Even now I'm scared.”

“Of bugs?” Mimiko probes.

You giggle and shake your head. “Just spiders. But Suguru kills those so I’m okay.”

“What else are you scared of?” Nanako queries softly as she flips to her side to watch you watching the ceiling.

You hum softly and think of lying, but they expect you to be sincere, they want you to be sincere. So you admit one truth. “I’m scared of being alone. I don’t like being alone.”

Nanako and Mimiko stay quiet for a moment as they think of your answer. You keep your eyes on the ceiling as you wait, and hope you didn’t change the way they look at you by letting them see that you’re as much of a human as them.

You want them to look up to you, yes, more than anything, but you also don’t want them to look at you like you’re someone cold and unreachable. It always felt like your parents were on pedestals; they were something you could see but never get close to or touch. You always tried to live up to their image, but no matter how much you tried it was never enough, they got higher and higher.

You want your girls to know that you’re always here, at their level.

“Well,” Mimiko breaks the silence and flips around to hug your arm, making you slowly look at her with relief. “You’ll always have us.”

“And Geto!” Nanako adds excitedly. “You’ll never be alone,” she assures you.

You look at the both of them before you grin happily and throw your arms around them to pull them close to you. “Yeah,” you whisper in a shaky voice as you try hard not to cry happy tears. “You’re both right…but you know,” you sigh and slowly grow serious so you can assure their previous insecurity. “It’s okay to be scared. You can be scared, okay? That’s okay, it’s human, it’s normal. But you know what?”

“What?” Nanako probes.

You smile softly. “You never have to fear going back to that awful place, Suguru nor I will ever, ever let that happen, okay? We’ll never let anyone hurt either of you ever again, all right?”

Mimiko and Nanako snuggle up against you and they whisper softly, “okay.”

You let out a content breath of air, and press a gentle kiss on the top of their heads.

——

*NOW. 2018*

“Mimiko? Nanako?” You call out through the hall.

There’s no answer even if on your screen it says they’re just down the hall.

Maybe they’re hiding?

So you call out louder as you pick up your pace. “Nanako, Mimiko. It’s okay, it's just me.”

There’s still no response and that alone is weird, you’d usually get some kind of response, even if it’s to talk back. But right now besides the sound of Choso and your footsteps, there’s just silence.

“Maybe they left,” Choso suggests.

You look back at him with amusement. “Yeah, no, Nanako doesn’t go anywhere without her phone. Not only because it has to do with her technique, but she’s probably addicted to it. It's a problem.” You laugh softly and glance at all the deep cracks on the ceiling that weren’t here before. “Hey, I wonder what happened here,” you point out.

Choso sighs. “This is where I fought Yuji,” he shares, making you look back at him with your lips slightly parted with surprise and awe.

“You’ll have to explain your technique to me later,” you interject. “I’m very curious about how your technique works specifically. I haven’t seen anything like it.”

Choso shrugs. “It’s simple,” he deadpans.

You scoff. “It’s simple,” you mock him, making his eyebrows immediately furrow, while his lips curl to a displeased frown.

You flash him a smile and shake your finger at him. “It’s not simple, it’s complex and interesting, I want to hear about it so you have to come up with something better than it's simple, hm?”

Choso holds your gaze for a lingering moment before he nods once.

“Great,” you praise him and then look ahead again to quicken your pace as you get close to the end of the hall. “Nanako, Mimiko you can come out now!” You call out one more time with excitement.

However, when you reach the end of the hall, you immediately come to a sudden halt as you notice Mimiko bowing down in a pool of blood that's spilled all over the floor in front of the hall that leads to the elevators.

“Mimiko?” You call out quieter and feel your smile fade away when you don’t see her move a muscle, or notice Nanako beside her twin sister.

“Mimiko?” You call out again from where you are, but she still doesn’t move.

Why isn’t she moving?

Why can’t you move?

“Bunny?” You call out a third time and swallow back nervously when she remains unresponsive, and Nanako doesn’t proceed to come out and meet you.

You try to move towards her, but your eyes remain on the insane amount of blood on the floor and you can’t find the strength to suddenly move a single fiber in your body. It doesn’t even feel like your chest is taking in breaths. You’re at a standstill with your heart beginning to pound, and the obscene scene ahead of you.

“Mimiko,” you call out sweetly. “Baby get up. Whatever it is, it’s okay. I’m not mad. Just get up. Please Mimiko.”

A wet streak running down your cheeks snaps you from your stupor and makes you confused about what it can be. So you move to touch the dampness, and when you pull your fingers out in front of you, you see that it’s a tear. You’re crying. Why?

Why isn’t Mimiko getting up?

You take a cautious step forward and see that just a bit away from the thick pool of blood is Nanako’s phone that’s easily identifiable because of her vibrant green bunny case; so you quickly pick it off the ground and wonder why it's discarded and bent and cracked, because Nanako always takes good care of her phone, and hardly ever parts from it.

So why? What happened? Your heart asks.

“Nanako?” You call out and step forward to see if she’s hiding near the elevators, but there’s no one there. There’s nothing here but a gash on the wall, purple blood sprayed across the walls, and thick and deep crimson blood all over the floor that seems to have pieces of flesh littered all over it.

“Nanako?” You call out just above a whisper and keep watching the end of the hall in hopes she’ll walk out of hiding.

Yet there’s just deafening silence and a sharp jab in your heart that makes you gasp. Yet no matter how hard your mind is trying to make you understand what you’re seeing, your heart refuses to let the message through. It fights back against all the intrusion from your insistent mind.

“Okay,” you murmur and wipe away the tears that keep running down your face before you put Nanako’s phone in your pocket since she’d hate it if you stored it in The Worm.

Next, you proceed to walk back to Mimiko and fall on your knees beside her. “It’s okay,” you assure her body that feels stiff under your touch. “It’s okay, baby,” you coo and gently tighten your hold around her arm to flip her to her back. And right away you see that her neck is missing her head.

However, you end up finding it just above her body so you crawl over to pick it up and place it where it’s meant to be.

“You’ll be okay,” you assure her and feel a sharper jab in your heart that hits deep this time and makes your whole body begin to tremble. “I'm calling for help,” you let her know.

You quickly pull your phone out but feel a stare burning into the back of your neck, so you look back and see that Choso’s face had abandoned that nonchalant expression, and replaced it with pity.

And yet, no matter how hard you try to get upset at him for looking at you like there’s nothing you can do, like the end of the world is upon you; when you stare into his eyes you feel your heart crack whilst something tightens around your throat, making it hard to breathe.

You see the harsh undeniable truth in his rich brown eyes, so you quickly look away and call Shoko.

Luckily she answers right away. She’s the only one who’s answered her damn phone.

“Y/N?” She calls out with worry laced in his voice.

“Ieiri,” your voice breaks without you wanting it to, revealing your current emotional state.

“Y/N?” She calls out louder. “What's wrong?”

You part your lips and a shuddery breath escapes past your lips before you answer. “I need your help…I found Mimiko…she needs your help, okay?” You begin to sound desperate. “I know you don’t owe me anything after everything, but Ieiri, this is my girl. She’s my baby girl, okay? You need to come help her, I already lost too much, I can’t go home without the twins. Please come help me,” your voice quivers.

Shoko draws out a deep breath before she responds with urgency. “Okay, I’m going. Just text me where you are and I’ll go. And tell me her condition, maybe you can help her until I get there.”

You nod rapidly and pick up Mimiko’s hand off the floor. “She—well,” you swallow thickly and try to answer, but nothing comes out as you’re hit with a painful blow to your chest that only makes the breath in your lungs come out.

“Y/N,” Shoko insists.

You blink repeatedly and more tears come rushing out.

“Well,” you mumble. “Her head….her head was ah,” you shudder. “Her head was sliced off. And...I think Nanako was sliced to pieces…but they’re here…Ieiri, they’re here. Come help them, please, please,” you beg softly.

“Oh,” Shoko gasps. “Oh, y/n…honey. Listen to me.”

You shake your head. “No,” you interject and grip tighter onto Mimiko’s hand. “No, no, don’t tell me that. Please don’t…they’re my girls. Okay? Maybe I can get them to you? Okay? I’ll have my friend here help me, or-or I can ask Kento.” You nod as you try to find a loophole around the truth she's about to utter. “He just needs to answer his phone first,” you laugh and more tears come rushing out.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Shoko says in a soothing voice that she only uses when she’s being serious. “I’m very sorry, but there’s nothing I can do…they’re gone. So why don’t you come up over here and be on standby, okay? I’ll meet you half—”

You hang up and proceed to put your phone away to cup Mimiko’s hand with the both of yours while you sit in silence and shock.

Your phone rings and you know it’s Shoko trying to comfort you, but you let the phone ring as you stare off at the pool of blood around Mimiko.

Whereas you were speaking to her before trying desperately to plead for your daughters to wake up from an impossible situation, now you sit in silence with your mind's cold message finally creeping into your heart.

It tries so hard to fight, accept anything else but what it sees, but there’s no hiding from the truth unless you want to end up in a hole you’ll never escape from.

And you can’t do that, you can’t fall into insanity because Satori still needs you, she needs her mother. Hakari and Kirara still need you to teach them so much more. Itadori is still out there, as well as Nanami, and everyone else that came to fight. Not only that but you still need to help your brother. More than anything he needs your help now, so you can’t shut off.

You can only break.

And it’s what happens, slowly, and agonizingly so.

Actually, you can barely feel it at first, there were only tears showing what your soul felt inside, but then that creepy grip wraps around your throat, making your breathing heavy as you try your hardest to draw in air to keep your lungs functioning and blood pumping. However, then that weight on your chest you were numb to seconds ago as you filled yourself with blinding hope, pushes back and smothers on more, causing you to start heaving.

Your heart starts to race against your chest and thumps loudly and painfully in your ears, causing you to start getting overwhelmed to the point your paralyzing shock holding you captive let's go, letting you get slammed with the realization that Mimiko and Nanako are dead.

They’re gone.

The girls you raised since Suguru saved them 11 years ago are gone. The girls you loved and promised to protect are gone…forever.

You’ll never be able to come home to them, you’ll never hear whatever silly story of their teenage life they have to tell. You’ll never watch movies on the couch, or share a spa night. You’ll never eat junk food on your bed and fall asleep to some cheesy movie, or grip onto them when they make you watch a scary movie with them.

What’s even worse is that you’ll never hold them again, or comfort them. You’ll never say that you love them, and you’ll never say goodbye…

You didn’t say goodbye.

They were probably so scared. They were alone and scared…

You told them no one would hurt them, and now they’re gone! They’re gone forever and you didn’t get to say goodbye. You’ll never get to tell them that you love them because they're gone!

They’re gone! They’re dead!

And you can’t breathe. You can’t breathe….

Breathe…

Breathe…

Your jaw goes slack as you gasp for air. You clutch onto your chest to try and ease the agony, to try and see if that helps, but you can’t breathe and it feels like you’re going to pass out.

That is until a heartbroken wail escapes past your lips that echoes throughout the hall.

It’s unlike anything else. You didn’t even cry like this when Suguru died. You didn't let yourself, and you couldn’t for your children’s sake, but you can’t hold it in now, you can’t let it pile on anymore. So you cry out again and drop your head on Mimiko’s chest.

You don't even care that Choso might be watching, but you still check. And when you do, you see that he’s not around. You’re alone…

And it hurts more.

But…you try your best to ignore your solitude for now and manage to speak. “I’m sorry,” your voice sounds raspy from how loud you just cried out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

You drag your head up and put your forehead against Mimiko’s hand. “I'm sorry,” you repeat. “I'm sorry to you too Suguru…I’m sorry I couldn’t protect our girls. I’m sorry.” You sniffle and bring Mimiko’s hand down to press a kiss on her knuckles before you hug her arm against your chest.

If only you could do the same with Nanako too, but she’s gone, completely…

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, and as you draw out a shaky breath a hand falls on your shoulder, making you jump slightly before you look back and see, Choso.

“I thought you left,” you whisper, but feel a sense of relief that he didn’t.

“No,” he says and moves his hands, causing paper to rustle and making you look down to see a large paper map in his hands that only leaves you confused.

However, before you can ask what he needs that for, he extends the map over Mimiko’s body.

“Oh,” you mouth in surprise, and watch the paper cover her completely, leaving only her hand out since you keep it against your chest. “Thank you,” you manage to utter through the shakiness of your voice.

Choso steps back and looks over at you expecting not to catch your eye, but you had been watching him too so you lock eyes and offer him a warm thankful smile that is meant for much more than just covering your daughter's body.

He could’ve left, he should’ve left, but he stayed here and you weren’t alone because of it. He was here and even if he was in the background probably feeling awkward over what he had to witness, you still appreciate his presence. You appreciate his silence because even if he doesn’t say a thing at least you know he’s here.

You’ll always remember that because he was not here after the fact, he was here now, with you. And for that, you appreciate him.

“Really,” you make your gratitude known. “Thank you…” you trail off and sniffle. “And if you want, you can leave,” you contradict your inner thoughts to spare him if that’s what he wants. “Find your father, find what you need about Itadori…I’ll find him later…I just need a few more minutes with my girls.” You nod and offer him a kind smile while you hold his gaze.

Choso doesn’t look away first because unbeknownst to you his mind was running rampant. Besides his current feelings about his father and Yuji Itadori, you ran into the mix as well and confused him more.

Whereas he worshiped you before for what you meant to him, now it feels like you're at his level somehow.

It felt like you were almost unreachable before like you were only something he could admire and feel thankful for, but now it’s different. A bit. He still very much holds you above anyone he’s met, but now besides the way he has to catch his breath when you look at him, or besides feeling his face burn when you say something that makes his heart skip a beat, he now feels the need to fiercely protect you.

After hearing your heartache, and seeing your teary eyes, he wants to protect you so he doesn’t have to see you go through that again.

It’s partially why he didn’t leave when you said he could.

That, and well, before he can do much of anything else, he still also has some things to go over in his head about what he saw in that fake memory of Yuji Itadori.

——

*11:28 pm*

Everything aches and all you feel like doing is staying beside Mimiko. Even if you’re just sitting and staring off at the blood slowly drying on the floor, all you want to do is stay next to her.

Alas, you still need to keep your promise to find Itadori and be at his side as tonight continues to unfold. You need to save Satoru from Noritoshi Kamo, and eventually, you need to go home—even if you don’t want to return home without them, even if you don’t want to explain to your six-year-old daughter that her sisters won’t ever be coming home, and even if you don’t want to go back to your house and see the twins room empty, you still have to.

You need to get up even if it’s hard. You have to…

Get up…get up…

Get up.

Yet when you do stand on your own two feet you need a minute to catch your breath and grasp your surroundings. It felt like you weren’t even conscious in your body just now, it felt like an eternity passed around you.

In reality, though, only a few minutes have gone by. Which is good, if Itadori or anyone else needs your help, they need it now, not later. So it’s good that it's only been a few minutes, you can grieve properly later—

Grieve?

That sounds funny to think about.

It threatens to break you down all over again, but it also feels like you’re making it up. It’s crazy.

It’s just crazy to believe that you have to grieve Nanako and Mimiko. All because of who?

Noritoshi Kamo?

No, doubtful. It doesn’t seem like he would’ve killed them just because. You attacked him so he countered, plus when you saw the twins last it was where the trains stop, this is far from there, so it means it wasn’t him, it was someone else, but who?

Patchface?

He would’ve turned them into a curse if that was the case.

Volcano head?

No, he would’ve burnt them alive.

The other curse with them?

Doubtful.

So was it Sukuna? He’s out. Or he was out, it doesn’t sound like he is anymore.

But why would they have been close to Sukuna? Were they with Itadori?

You have to know. Later. For now, you let out a deep breath and wipe the stray tears off your face, and walk to Choso sitting against the wall a few paces away.

He sees you approaching and his lips part as he slowly sits up to begin to get up, but you plop down next to him and rest your head against the wall.

“Why didn’t you leave?” You break your silence with a raspy voice.

Choso stays quiet for a moment before he draws out a deep breath and responds quietly. “I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

You blink and slowly look over him with pity.

“Besides,” he adds. “I'm still thinking.”

You draw out a deep breath and nod slowly in comprehension. “So,” you probe and look down at the Worm draped around you. “What do you know now that you’ve had time to think?”

Choso lets out another deep breath and mumbles, “I’m still unsure, but I do know that I want to figure it out as I fight for him.” He nods softly. “I'll know soon even if it’s by my father's own mouth, or by my instincts alone.”

A tiny and exhausted smile tugs on your lips at the sound of his words. “Okay, I like the sound of that,” you compliment him and cause him to look over at you.

You also look at him and notice his lips part as if he wants to say something, so you wait. However, his eyes drift past you so you cut in. “I’m going to find Itadori too, and then get my brother back. Not for anyone else, because I know my parents are about to call me and pretend they care so I can help their golden boy. And the rest of the sorcerer society is going to expect me to save him, but,” you sigh. “I’m going to risk my life for my daughter's uncle, whom she loves. I’m going out there because I want to save my brother…” you trail off and share a comforting look.

“I guess what I'm trying to say,” you continue. “Is that if you’re going out there to find Itadori, it’s because you want to. Brother or not, you don’t have to go out there and risk your life. You’re free to do what you want after losing your brothers to him.”

Choso’s eyes drift down for a second before he looks back at you and you realize he makes incredible eye contact—“I need to know,” he says confidently. “And I owe it to my brothers to kill my father.”

You hum softly in comprehension and watch him stand to his given height. You’re about to get up, but he turns and offers you his hand.

His gesture surprises you, even if it shouldn’t, actually you don’t know why it surprises you so much. And you especially don’t know why you stare at his hand for a second longer than you wanted to, but you do and then put your warm hand on his cold one, making his breath hitch as he helps you to your feet.

“Sorry,” you immediately cut in and let your touch linger before you slide it off. “I run warm because of my technique.”

Choso assures you that it’s fine with a shake of his head, making you smile before you offer him a confident look.

“Let’s go kill your dad,” you try to encourage him.

Choso scoffs and the corner of his lips tug to a tiny half smile. “Let’s go,” he agrees with a small nod.

You step forward to begin walking away, but first, you look back at the body you’re leaving behind, and immediately your eyes fill with tears at the sight and the reminder that they’re both gone.

However, you only let a couple of tears roll out as you promise you’ll come back for them later, once your life is secure. You can’t risk having something happen to you or the Worm and losing their bodies along with it, so you’ll come after.

For now, you walk away with Choso with that positive energy long forgotten. You walk in silence now and on the brink of tears.

Choso steals glimpses at you, but he doesn’t know what to say, so he leaves the silence as it is until he has to interject with a question. “Do you also know where Yuji is?”

You break from your stupor and shake your head lightly. “No. I don’t have his location on my phone. We’ll just have to go off instinct or follow the sound of a battle. I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I can try and text him though.”

Without hearing his response you pull out your phone and send Itadori a quick message.

You to Itadori: Could you let me know where you’re at? Please. I’m going to you.

You sigh and as you put your phone away you hope he answers back. Unlike the others who haven’t even read your message.

“Uh,” you interject softly. “After this, Choso, I want to help you get your brothers back from the school.”

Choso snaps his head to you, and you slowly meet his surprised gaze and smile at him so he can know you’re being honest.

“There’s still what? 6 left, and I’ve gone in before, I can go in again,” you continue to explain through his shock. “And it’ll be easier because I currently go to the school for work. I mean sure the higher-ups and the principal won’t like it, but they can suck it because I don’t work for them. They could all die for all I care honestly,” you say without trouble or remorse for them.

“And,” you add in a sweeter and softer tone as you recall what he said a few minutes ago. “You all have a home in my community. You can go there.” You offer him an assuring smile, causing Choso’s chest to rise as his breath catches.

“Why?” He mumbles almost as if he’s out of breath.

You blink and sigh deeply. “Because,” you quickly respond. “I said I was going to take you all out before. I owe it to you to complete my promise.”

Choso lifts his eyes off your lips and meets your gaze to try and find out if you’re playing some cruel joke. But all he sees is what he saw before, what he sees in you all the time he looks into your alluring fire-kissed eyes, hope and warmth. He sees sincerity too in your grieving eyes.

So he trusts that you’re being honest.

Yet he still continues to doubt.

“But…we’re not like you,” he pauses and frowns, making his gaze show conflict that seems to make his brown eyes grow a deeper brown, almost as if they were cast over by a storm—“I’m not like you,” he clarifies. “I’m not…human.”

You stare into his eyes for a moment before you come to a stop, making him slowly mirror your action and face you with confusion mixing in with his conflict.

You proceed to hesitate as you hold his gaze, but then a few seconds later he swears he sees your eyes give off a spark, giving life to the fire lit in your eyes. And before he knows it you approach him and stop only a few inches away from where he stands.

“Give me your right hand,” you demand sweetly as you put your hand out.

Choso blinks in confusion and remains stiff, making you scoff and point at your palm facing the ceiling.

“Come on,” you insist. “Trust me, it’s okay. I mean we are going to fight together so you have to trust me or else we’ll probably die.” You smirk.

Choso’s arm twitches and he lifts his fingers, but he doesn’t give you his hand, so you continue insisting. “It’s okay, I trust you. Trust me.”

Choso lets out a deep breath through his nose and slowly lays his hand on yours, making you flash him a small and proud smile before you turn his hand so his knuckles are resting on your palm instead. You then proceed to gently place his hand against his heart, and you interlace your fingers in between his to press your fingertips against his chest.

And at the simple touch, you hear his breath hitch in the silence that fills the space between you as you feel for his heartbeat that doesn’t come at first. Since his layers are thick it takes a moment, so when you don’t feel anything, you press harder and finally feel that gentle ba-dum beat faster and faster.

“Feel that? That heartbeat?” You ask almost excitedly. “I do,” you assure him and smile at him softly.

Choso’s lips part, but nothing but a huff of air unfurls out. He also thinks you’re about to let go so he doesn’t bother trying to find something to say in the mess you’re causing in his mind. But then, you press your right hand over your chest and proceed to take his hand to place it over yours.

“It’s okay,” you assure him and interlace his fingers in between yours for him as you feel how stiff he is.

“Now feel,” you whisper and glance down for a second before your eyes flicker up to see that his gaze hasn’t broken away from you. He watches you instead of looking away or watching his hand. He holds your gaze with a deep intensity that makes you feel hot while your heartbeat thumps faster under his touch.

Not only that, but you then feel your heart skip a beat under your hands. And you hope he doesn't notice.

“Y-you,” you stammer so you stop and softly clear your throat. “You feel that right?” You ask with more confidence. “My heart beats just like yours,” you comfort him before you slip your hand off, causing his to fall to his side.

“My breath furls in my lungs, just like yours,” you continue and smile wider. “You’re human.”

Choso swallows thickly and neither of you can look away from the other for a moment that seems to grow tensful until he looks down at the floor and shakes his head. “Some of my brothers aren’t like us,” he argues. “They look different.”

You reach over and grab his shoulder, making him slowly look up at you with a deep frown painted on his face. “You see what’s around my neck right?” You quiere.

Choso glances at the worm and looks back at you.

“And a tiger cursed spirit has been almost stuck to my daughter's hip since she could open her eyes because Suguru wanted it to protect her when he couldn’t. She loves that thing, they’ve bonded,” you continue and share a small laugh. “So we see curses, we’re used to strange,” you nod. “And sure, it will take some people time to get used to seeing something new, but as long as they’re like you, as long as they don’t hurt anyone I love or anyone in the community, I’ll welcome them. And so will everyone else.”

Choso's eyebrows furrow and he gently shakes his head. “Why?” He asks.

“Why what?” You rebuttal. “Why we’ll welcome them? Well, that’s what the community is there for. That’s why I made it, so sorcerers like us can have a home…the world is not nice to sorcerers.” You sigh and grow sad as you think about Nanako and Mimiko. “So That’s why,” you finish answering his question.

Choso’s frown trembles and his furrowed eyebrows ease as his eyes grow soft and gleam…

Is he going to cry?

“Thank you, y/n,” he says in a soft voice.

You smile a bright grin as your heart skips a beat at the sight of his reaction and the sound of his voice.

“You’re welcome Choso,” you redirect and pat his shoulder before you give it a gentle squeeze. “Now come on before there’s nothing left to go to.” You chuckle and walk past him.

“Sorry,” you quickly add. “That joke was of poor taste.”

Choso doesn’t hesitate to fall by your side to walk alongside you towards the escalators. And once you’ve stepped on them and rode up, that short bliss fades away as you remember the tragedy that you were dealt. Again. So you frown as quickly as you just smiled.

Choso notices and wants to add something, but what can he tell you to make you feel somewhat better? He doesn’t know the feeling of losing children, but he does know loss, so he knows that what you feel won’t go away by simple words he can come up with; all you want is to see your daughters again, and he can’t give you that. He can’t give you the motivation of revenge because he doesn’t know exactly who killed your girls, he has an idea, but if that man is such a threat as he’s been told, then there’s no way you can defeat him alone, and he can’t send you to die. So all Choso can offer is words from his heart. After all, you trust him enough to tell him things you probably shouldn’t tell him.

“I have three parents,” Choso interjects, making you look over at him as you climb off the escalators. “My mother, the cursed spirit that impregnated her, and the man who mixed his blood with ours and toyed with my mother. Thereby earning my hate.”

He’s sharing?

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you say it from the heart. “I can’t imagine it was easy knowing he was doing all that and you couldn’t do anything about it.”

Choso shakes his head stiffly. “No…all I could do in the abyss was dream of killing him while I was trapped in that form. All I wanted besides getting my brothers out was acting out my revenge.”

You step out of the escalator and continue to walk down the hall to reach the next set.

“Did you know your mother?” You need to ask. “I mean I know the form you were in, but did you ever see her? I mean you were conscious, yeah?”

Choso nods stiffly and hums in agreement before he doesn’t hesitate to answer you. “All I remember of my mother is her voice of when she’d talk to me when I was inside her, and a glimpse of her face. I never had the chance to meet her, he never let her meet me.”

You watch the ground as your mind comes up with something assuring to tell him even if your own experience with your mother isn’t pleasant. “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize,” Choso cuts you off. “You did nothing wrong. Her misfortune wasn’t your fault.”

You sigh and nod. “I know, but I’m still sorry that it happened to you. I’m sorry that you never got to know her, or that she never got to meet you.”

Choso eyes linger on you as he hums in comprehension.

“My mother never loved me…” you share suddenly without thinking about it, it just feels right to share something so deeply buried in your heart with him. “Maybe once, but she never loved me enough. She loved my brother,” you huff and glance up. “But never me. But I can say this…I love my children. All five of them,” you smile. “My children mean everything to me, so I can say this to you,” you pause and gather in a deep breath. “I’m sure your mother loved you and your brothers, for you to have such pleasant memories even if they’re few, and for you to have an undying love for her, means she loved you. I’m sure. So be content with that and live for her. Just as you live to act out your revenge against your father, live for her. Don’t let your father win, make him mad, and make him regret what he made, be his nightmare. That’s why my parents are alive, I live to make them mad.” You smirk.

Choso watches you and his lips turn to a soft smile that makes butterflies flutter wildly in your stomach.

“That’s what I plan to do,” he rebuttals. “I owe it to my brothers. And Yuji.”

You smile at the ground and pick on that. “So you know now?”

Choso hums. “Thanks to my cursed technique I can sense the transformation of my younger brothers through our blood connection. No matter how far they are” he says and earns your undivided attention. “For living things, death is the final and greatest transformation. I saw it with my own eyes. I had an intense sensation of Yuji Itadori’s death…” he pauses and looks down at his clenching fist. “…that must mean Yuji is my brother.”

You can’t help but admire his devotion. Just a few minutes ago he was still unsure and he still wanted to fight for him. Now that he knows you can sense a more fierce devotion that you admire.

“It’s going to take a hell of a good explanation for you to convince him of that, I’m afraid I can only help so much,” you let him know the harsh truth.

“Yes.” Choso nods. “I know, but fighting for him, and sticking by his side will help convince him.”

You laugh softly and nod. “Yeah, I’m sure. Just don’t give up.”

“Never.”

And you’ll never give up on your brother either.

“I admire your devotion Choso,” You compliment him, making his cheeks grow a shade of crimson that he hides by turning his head.

“Thanks,” he mumbles.

You hum and climb on the last pair of escalators, thankfully!

“And your brother?” He asks.

You exhale. “I told you already. I’m going to get him back and kill that man in Suguru’s body to finally put him to rest…like I should’ve done a long time ago…” you scoff and shake your head in disapproval. “I should’ve disposed of his body the right way. None of this would be happening if I had. My daughters—”

“No,” Choso cuts you off sharply. “Noritoshi is a cruel man. This is his fault, he was probably already creeping around Geto waiting for the right moment to take his body. It’s what he does. He is chaos and evil, that’s what he is, this is his fault.”

You blink your tears away and see him tilt his head so you can meet his gaze as he attempts to be reassuring.

You think.

His eyebrows are pinched together, and his frown stays curled on his face so it’s hard to know, but you see his attempts and thank him for it, whilst you also mentally thank him for not leaving you alone.

If he hadn’t been with you, you probably would’ve stopped and broken down again. You owe your motivation to him.

“Thank you, Choso,” your voice quivers nonetheless.

Choso’s face finally softens completely as he hums and offers you a soft nod.

You hold his gaze until you step out of the escalators and finally begin to leave the damn station. Its felt like an eternity.

“Uh,” Choso adds timidly. “Happy…birthday….you’ve mentioned it was. So happy birthday?”

You steal a glimpse at him and then laugh with tears coming out of your eyes.

“Oh,” Choso breathes out in confusion. “Sorry?”

You immediately shake your head. “No, no. It’s not your fault. It’s just been a hell of a day…I woke up today and all my kids scared the shit out of me when I walked in the kitchen and saw them there, holding a cake and poppers.” You can’t help your smile before you sigh deeply. “Now I’m here…But at least you’re here too, so I’m glad.” You assure him and nudge his shoulder with yours before you pull your phone out and miss him stealing a glimpse at you.

“Now,” you add, “I’m going to make a call, so excuse me.”

Nevertheless, the person you call doesn’t answer, because of course he doesn’t. Everyone’s been screening your calls tonight!

At least though, the next person you call almost always answers, so you call them.

And thankfully they pick up, but all you hear is distant commotion so you speak up first in a soothing voice. “Kira, it’s me, it's Mama.”

A few seconds pass before you hear them exclaim. “Master?! We heard what happened in Shibuya, are you there?”

You sigh and rub your eyes as you nod. “Yeah, I’m here—”

“Are you okay? Do you need backup?”

“No,” you rebuttal sharply. “No. Don’t. Is Hakari with you?”

Kirara hums in agreement.

“Okay,” you say. “Well thank him for answering his phone, I just called him.”

“Sorry,” Hakari interjects through Kirara’s phone. “It’s dead!” He yells.

You scrunch your nose and pull your phone back as he offends your eardrums. “Well,” you say louder so they can hear. “Put me on speaker.”

You hear Kirara smack their lips through the phone before they give you their confirmation. “You’re on!”

You smile sweetly and put your phone back to your ear to threaten them. “If I see either of you in Shibuya, or even catch a whiff of either of your techniques I will cut off all financing.”

“Master,” Hakari tries to argue, but you cut him off.

“No fight club, no gambling, bye-bye social life, and farm work for a year. Understood?” You ask smugly.

“Hard labor is not training,” Kirara grumbles.

You laugh softly. “So is. I’ll make it training. Don’t come to Shibuya,” you make yourself known with a threatening voice. “I…” you pause and exhale deeply. “I know you’re both strong, but I…can’t lose more people, so please for my sake stay where you are, hm?”

There’s silence for a moment as they grasp the sudden tone shift in your voice.

“Got it,” Kirara assures you for the both of them. “Is everything okay?”

You let out a shaky breath and shake your head. “No,” you confess. “But I’m okay. I’ll call later or tomorrow to explain everything, all right? I just needed to give you this warning.”

“All right,” Hakari agrees. “But call if you need help. We’ll go help you, not the school. You alone.”

The corner of your lips tug to a soft smile at the sound of his meaningful words and devotion. “I will. If I need help…” you trail off and sigh. “I,” you continue and look over at the exit you’re finally close to. “I appreciate you guys you know that? I’m proud of the both of you…I love you guys.” You whisper with tears in your eyes. “Just in case you don’t hear from me now you know.”

A moment of silence passes before you hear chuckling.

“You’re such a sap, master,” you recognize Hakari say. “This is why you would have made such a sucky teacher.”

You giggle and can’t help but agree. “Yeah true, but I like to think I make a good mentor to you two. Yeah?”

“Of course,” Kirara assures you. “The best. We love you too.”

Tears slip past your eyes and you cherish their words. “Thank you. And…goodbye…I’ll call soon, hm?”

“All right, we'll be on alert,” Hakari says. “Kick ass master.”

“Kicking ass and taking names,” you play around. “That’s what we do.” You smile and just need to say it one more time. “Goodbye.”

“Bye!”

“Bye goodnight—” they hang up and you keep your phone by your ear for a second longer before you put it away when you finally step outside into the fresh air! Finally!

Yet just as you’re about to say how thankful you are to be under the night sky and comment on how good the air smells like fire, a hand wraps around your mouth and you’re pulled back into darker shadows.

“Quiet,” Choso commands by your ear.

Your eyes widen, and you slowly peer back at him instead of trying to find what he spotted and catch him looking ahead.

“To the left, there’s a curse,” he whispers, and you continue to watch him. “It doesn’t seem dangerous, but we can’t afford a distraction right now.”

You should’ve pulled away right when he warned you to be quiet but you stayed in his arms, why?

Why does he make your mind all cloudy?

You need to stop getting distracted by him.

Then again, it’s good that you are because even if he doesn’t try to be he’s been your savior. You need to be distracted to avoid falling into a pit of agonizing grief. However, the way he makes your heart race and causes butterflies to flutter is something you haven’t felt in a while, and it’s a bad distraction at the moment when you’re in dire need to focus.

“We can get around it,” Choso adds.

You pull away from his grasp to poke your head out.

And the moment you look out your eyes widen with horror and a sharp gasp leaves your lips as you see the large six-legged curse in the middle of the street just outside the veil.

“What the hell?!” You hiss and step back under the cover of the shadows. “That’s a…ugh,” you groan and quickly realize that the curse was placed there on purpose.

It’s right outside the doors you just exited, and it’s by the veil that Itadori is probably in. Plus…it’s a spider-like curse. You hate, hate spiders. You’re terrified of them, it’s like, a phobia.

Suguru knew that, so it must mean the man using his body knows that too. He placed the damn curse there to slow you down.

What a fucking ass!

“We can’t go around,” you grumble and look up to meet Choso’s confused gaze. “It’ll add 15 more minutes or so to our walk. And that’s not even counting the fact that we don’t know where Itadori is exactly. It could take us a long time to find him too.”

“I can lead us to Itadori,” Choso quickly interjects.

You nod softly. “I’m sure,” you argue. “But I’m scared of spiders,” you share with growing annoyance at this situation. “Suguru knew that. So it means your father does too, that curse is out there to stop me from getting close to him. Just like that curse that trapped me earlier was meant to slow me down…he’s playing mind games because that’s my weakness. So it must mean he’s close.”

Choso sighs and glances at the curse out there. “Then I’ll go and distract it and you go past the veil and reach Itadori, he’s not far. I can feel it,” he suggests, but you quickly rebuttal.

“Didn’t you hear me? It’s a curse meant for me, I’ll kill it. Just…don’t leave,” you sound scared, but not scared of what’s waiting for you, but scared to actually be alone since the twins died. He sensed that.

“I won’t,” he assures you and meets your gaze with a determined gaze.

You draw in a deep breath and nod softly.

“We can fight it together,” Choso adds, making your lips slowly pull to a smirk.

“I like the sound of that,” you quip smugly and reach back to take a long blade out of the Worm's mouth to save your technique's strength for later. “Let’s make this quick then.”

“It doesn’t seem strong,” he says nonchalantly. “We can do it.”

You offer him a simple nod and before you can waste any more time, you walk out to meet the curse first, and it immediately catches a whiff of your presence and spins around to face you with its ten beady eyes that make your grip tighten as your breath hitches.

The curse lets out a sharp but low whistle and crawls forward, making you step back. It then tilts its head to the left before tilting it to the right and blinking all ten eyes.

“Okay,” you breathe out nervously and dig the tip of your shoe into the ground before you break into a hasty sprint forward.

The curse doesn’t move, so you manage to slide under it and slice open its belly with your blade before you reach the other end of its body.

And even then it doesn’t react violently, instead, it begins to move its thin legs as it begins to turn around, but once it faces you, you immediately freeze in horror as you see Nanako’s face looking back at you.

The curse displays her face on its body. Her light brown hair drapes down, and it matches her deep brown eyes so they’re the ones looking back at you now; the eyes of the girl you never got to say goodbye to, the eyes and face of the girl you never got to see for a last time because of how she died.

It’s using your memory, and your pain connected to her face to stop any of your attempts to fight back.

And it worked, you can’t move a muscle, you can’t even think of harming it. All you can muster are tears of sorrow as your face contorts to display your heart's agony.

“I,” you mewl and drop the blade in your hand as if entranced by this curse. “I’m sorry Nanako,” you say even if you know it’s not her.

The curse lets out a sharp cry before it begins to sprint towards you on all six legs.

You step back, but you’re entranced by the face on Its body so can’t react beyond that. You want to, your body is screaming at you to move, but your mind doesn’t send that message to your limbs, so it gets closer and closer. Until suddenly you catch a quick flash of Choso before you’re shoved back and fall back to the ground.

And at the moment of impact, you snap from your trance and go on your knees to shove yourself to your feet and help. However, before you can, you then catch Choso’s blood arrow impale through Nanako—no the curses neck. It’s the curse even if it still has on her face.

Alas the curse doesn’t die, it stumbles back and raises one sharp leg in return, but Choso quickly counters by meeting its swing with two sharp blood claws, causing your lips to twitch to an impressed smile.

However, you then notice the curse try to rebuttal by discreetly raising another one of its legs to jab it through Choso, but without thinking you quickly throw your fist out to blast it a whirlwind of air that shoves it back and saves Choso.

And the moment he notices that he peers back out of surprise, so you briefly meet his gaze before you glance at the curse and pull out a thin and sharp piece of the ground to shove it through its neck, causing its head to fall off.

Yet just before it can hit the ground it grows legs from its head in midair, so you use the wind to keep it in place. And just before you can make a finishing blow, Choso's previous blood arrow remerges and cuts through the barrier of air to shoot through the curses head and finally exorcize it.

And it’s only once its head is on the ground that its face returns to what it was before he used Nanako’s face.

“Thank—”

“I'm sorry,” you quickly apologize for your mistake, almost as if you feared his reaction. “I’m sorry. I froze, I’m sorry.”

Many people have told you to not apologize so much, Yuki punched you in the gut once because of it. But you can’t help it, you fear the consequences because of your parent's reaction when you’d make a mistake.

“Y/N,” Choso mutters and turns to face you. “Stop apologizing,” he insists and walks over to you to get on his knees in front of you still on your knees. “The curse is dead, that’s all that matters.”

You shake your head. “We were supposed to help each other,” you rebuttal to explain yourself. “I let you down, I'm sorry.”

Choso holds your gaze for a second before shaking his head. “You didn’t,” he assures you. “You didn’t expect it to do that, that’s why my father put it here. He wanted to be cruel to you to stop you. That’s what he does, but don’t let him win.”

…he’s right, but it doesn’t make what happened right. Nanako is gone, you knew that and you still let it affect you. Choso could’ve gotten hurt because of it. You could’ve gotten hurt because of it…

Just like fake Suguru wanted.

Of course, he probably didn’t think it’d be the twins that affected you, he probably expected it to be someone else you've lost. But he wanted to weaken you that way. He wanted to play with your mental state expecting you to be alone now that he has your brother.

And it worked even if you weren’t alone. But why should you let that keep affecting you? He wants to fight? You’ll fight. He wants you upset? You’ll be pissed.

No more games.

You’re not weak like he wants you to believe.

The twins wouldn’t let you tear yourself down because of it, they believed you were strong, you’ll prove them right and continue to be strong for them.

You’ll get Satoru back, and kill that man in Suguru’s body. You’ll fight back with all your strength and prove him wrong. You’ll be mad at him. All your anger will be directed at him because that's what he wants.

“Let’s go find Itadori,” you interject.

Choso nods in agreement. “He’s not far I can take us to him,” he lets you know.

You hum in agreement and then begin to smirk. “And then we’ll find your father,” you grimace.

“And kill that bastard,” Choso finishes your sentence with the same amount of menacing determination you have now.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N- Maybe if they stopped flirting with each other they’d get to places faster! Anyway Choso is about to see his girl pop off against his dad!

Tagged- @deniseabad1928 @secondary-character-25 @starlightanyaaa @notsaelty @d4rno @moonnime @kodzukein @yozora7154 @heijihattorisgf @elegantweird-orchest

[kangals]

way back in 2014, probably a few weeks or months after you posted that picture of boone with the stick on his head, i checked your blog out and so dearly enjoyed all the dogposting that i followed. i think you were the first dogblr blog i actually followed at the time, but it's been ages and my memory is bad, so i'm not fully sure. it wasn't long before then--2012 i think?--that i had gotten a new dog of my own, a border collie. iirc he and boone were just about the same age.

in 2018 i lost that blog i'd followed you with, and a lot of connections with it. i didn't return until 2021, and when i did, i didn't refollow most of the old blogs; i don't think i even really went looking for them. it took me a while to get back into the swing of using tumblr.

last september, my border collie had a sharp health decline, and i had to say goodbye. it's not the first time i've had to put a pet down, but i think it was the hardest. i'm still not over it. even just typing this now, i feel raw.

then in march or so, i made a new fandom friend who knows you, and i enthusiastically recalled following you before and how much i enjoyed it. i didn't even know about stellina, and now there's kep too! but... i also didn't know you'd lost boone. i followed because i still really enjoy your blog, and i love your collies too. and butters!!! so glad she's still here!

idk what made me look tonight... maybe because i talked about my old border collie with someone today. i went looking for the posts immediately around when you lost boone, because i guess some part of me wanted to know what happened. i spent the better part of an hour (maybe longer?) reading posts from the weeks before the decline, and then the loss, and then the deluge of old boone pictures after, and i've been crying pretty much the whole time just reading your posts and tags about him.

and this is a long and windy way to get to saying thank you. i'm glad you shared your grief, though that seems like a weird thing to say. there's something cathartic about crying over someone else's dog when you still hurt about your own, and knowing you're not alone in that kind of sorrow. boone was such a beautiful boy. i'll never forget that silly post that made me check your blog out in the first place, or the years of posts i stuck around for after. i wish i'd remembered to follow sooner, but the archive is still there, and it's so fun looking through all those old posts about him and his quirks and antics. he was amazing.

sorry for the length of this, i just... really wanted you to know that he touched yet another life, i guess. and i've been so deeply enjoying your posts about stellina and kep. i know it'll be a year soon... i hope there's some peace in how things have gone since he passed, and i hope the anniversary isn't too hard on you. thank you for sharing him with us.

i've been on tumblr for 14 years and this is, genuinely, the nicest ask i think i've ever been sent.

thank you - sincerely. there's been a lot of times over the course of this blog that i've felt like i was oversharing, or talking about pointless things only i cared about. i still so frequently start typing out a post only to stop mid-sentence and delete it because i can't help but think "no one cares about this." possibly it's why i like to talk about my pets so much - they're not me, but i'm the one who knows them best, so i get to say "hey look at this" and ramble and have people say "i'm looking" back. when boone passed, i lost that filter and i poured my grief out into this blog because it was the closest outlet i had. and to have hundreds of people not only acknowledge this but to commiserate, to reassure, to share their own stories - that helped healed me more than i can put into words. it's exactly as you said: there's a catharsis in grieving together.

i am sorry you also had to say goodbye. i wish i could say it gets easier, but i think that would be defeating the point of grief. your grief is your love and damn it if there isn't any act more loving in the world than choosing to say goodbye to an old, loyal dog. you think of how dogs were domesticated tens of thousands of years ago, of how human society and dogs have developed intertwined, of how we have records of ancient greeks and romans carving loving epitaths on their dog's graves, of how a prehistoric dog's skull was found with a bone placed in it's mouth after death, and you wonder if grieving a dog isn't one of the most consistent experiences in the whole of human history that there is.

i'm glad to know that this could bring you some comfort, in some way. it's incredibly touching to know that you kept me and boone in your thoughts for all this time. i am doing ok - i've been reflecting a lot as we approach the one-year mark. i'm not sure if i'll be able to condense those thoughts down into coherent words, but i'll do my best. i hope that my silly little pets continue to bring you some happiness, and that you've found peace with your own grief.

thank you, again - this is extremely touching and means a hell of a lot to me.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Tw: vent, identity crisis, rare hrt side effect...

After nearly 4 years of being aroace (bellusromantic aceflex), I think I'm arohet now because of testosterone...

I feel a loss of identity as I become more comfortable in my body... I know more than anything that I'm a man, not even my intrusive thoughts can tell me otherwise. But, it came with something that I never thought would happen...

Being the gayest member of my family has been who I am since 2018, being Loveless since 2020. Now I feel like I'm invading someone else's space whenever I research orientations for fun... (I'm autistic and my special interest is queerness)

I don't know the point in saying all this, maybe just to get it out of me.

If you read this, thank you.

A change in orientation and identity is usually something people need time to process, and that's OK. It's OK to mourn your old identity, and it's OK to take a bit of time to come to terms with your new one.

One thing I would be careful about though is try and avoid that thinking that there's such a thing as more or less queer, you may be queer in a different way now, but you are still queer. And you are still you, and you still carry your old experiences with you, even if they've changed. Remember too that het attraction isn't a bad thing, attraction is neutral, and experiencing het attraction doesn't negate other queer experiences you have now or have had in the past. You're definitely not invading any spaces.

I know you can't just flip a switch and believe all of this, or even if you do believe it logically, it takes time to internalize it. But hopefully seeing it actually said can help.

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, Anon, but hopefully it gets better from here.

All the best!

[skippyv20]

I really do feel bad for the POW. It’s sad people will not leave her alone during her recovery from abdominal surgery. They come up with stupid theories about her absence and marriage but wouldn’t think that she may need privacy. The POW doesn’t need to give updates of her life. (Edited). She was thinking of her kids and her husband. Telling her kids about her health diagnosis is the first priority before the public. We don’t know what kind of cancer she has or how progressive it is. But we should know that she has young children that are her priority and may be scared that their mom won’t be them as they are growing up. I recently loss my sister to cancer last summer and it hit me the most. The year before that I loss my mom. I was prepared for my mom’s death because she has been in and out of the hospital until she decided to go on hospice care. I wasn’t prepared for my sister’s death. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2018 went through surgery, chemo and radiation. I was with her all the way even when I’m working. She was cancer free until late fall of 2022 her cancer came back the tumor came back and had got bigger and worst. She went on hospice care in May 2023 and passed away June two weeks after her 36th birthday. I went through a deep depression because I lost my best friend. My sister had positive attitude through her cancer diagnosis until the end. I pray for Catherine and her family peace and healing. This is devastating news to her and her family. People need to leave her alone and let her heal with her family.

Thank you so much. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved mother and beloved sister/best friend. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You no doubt have a great understanding of the feelings and emotions the Wales family is going through. I do believe people will be kinder now. We will keep on praying for that in our prayers. 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️

[0alanasworld0]

Dedication (Hakim Ziyech x reader) *request

Request: "Hakim Ziyech X wife!reader where everyone just loves them together and he dedicates his goal at the WC to her..."

Pt2 - Perseverance

Warnings: none

Hakim had no intentions of returning to the Moroccan national team. He loved his country and teammates with all his heart but couldn’t bear the risk of being so poorly treated as he once was. After everything he gave up the last time: his money, his time, his own wellbeing and all for Halilhodžić to treat him as a scapegoat for the losses. He never caught a break, not during the training in the build-up to the 2018 tournament nor during the world cup itself. It was hell and he had much less distressing means of making a living. 

He had to admit, there were moments where he felt drawn to return again. When he saw Zakaria score his first ever goal for Morocco during a friendly. When he saw little Ounahi come out of his shell and use the very tricks he had shown him. He could feel goosebumps on the comfort of his home couch when he saw the Moroccan crowd chant his name, hoping and praying for his return. Thousands of miles away, he could still feel it. And he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to come back. 

You always made an effort to hide your phone whenever you checked in on those games. He would tell you he didn’t mind but you knew that his national team was a soft spot for him. It broke his heart to leave, albeit with very good reasons, and the last thing you wanted to do was remind him of what he was missing. However, you weren’t always successful in this regard. You were cuddling together as you scrolled through tiktok and this was something you couldn’t control. Hakim happened to be looking over your shoulder for that one tiktok. A short clip of the chanting, followed by the commentary of some annoying armchair analyst about the goings on. He bit his lip, looking down. 

“I’m so sorry, my love I-”

“No no, don’t apologise! I’m fine, I swear!” he reassures you, giving you a tight hug and kissing your cheek. He continues to sit for a few minutes before opting to get a glass of water. He stayed there for a second to gather his thoughts, mind wandering to his team again. How are they all? Are they taking breaks between sessions? Are they being treated well? Did they celebrate after yesterday’s win? His thoughts are all over the place but he pushes it all aside. It's a rare rest day and he intends on spending every minute of every hour with you in his arms.

The national team fiasco leaves his mind soon after returning to you as you watch some of your favourite videos together.

He’s sleeping soundly, an arm draped around your waist as his head lays in the crook of your neck. The peaceful moment is interrupted by his phone vibrating on the bedside table. You shift and groan in confusion and he kisses your neck, lulling you to sleep once more as he grabs his phone. Which idiot is calling him this late? What stupid situation has Mason got himself into this time?

He’s utterly baffled by the name displayed on the screen. They talk all the time but the timing is utterly bizarre.

“Yassine, my friend. You’re treading on very thin ice.” hakim grumbles, looking back over at you to make sure you’re still asleep.

“Well thank Allah that I'm thousands of miles away (!)” Hakim pinches the bridge of his nose, Yassine is undeniably a wonderful friend but this is unusual behaviour from him and Hakim doesn’t like it.

“Great conversation. I look forward to our next 3am rambling session, bye now-”

“Wait no hold on. Look, I overheard a little conversation the coach was having with the governing body…”

“The ice is cracking, Yassine.”

“Okay okay look, I think he’s about to be replaced. Yesterday’s match may have gone well but they seem to think he’s not the right person for the job in the long-term.”

“It took those geniuses long enough to figure that one out.”

“You’re telling me. You should have seen coach yell at Abde after the match for joining that chant.”

“I’m assuming you yelled back?”

“Naturally.”

“Taking after me then? At this rate, you’re all going to be kicked off.”

“With that amoeba in charge, we’ve all been considering it anyway. BUT if there’s a new coach…”

“You all stand a much better chance!”

“Yeah I was hoping the ‘you’ could change to a ‘we’”

“Yassine, I can’t”

“You said you loved this team and coach was standing in the way last time. You were right to leave and we all understand that completely. What's stopping you with a new coach? We all still adore you, y’know?”

“Look, we don’t even know if this is real yet! I don’t want to get our hopes up.”

“Well when the news does come out, know that the offer is going to be on the table. We need you, Hakim. Tell me that you’ll think about it, at least.”

“IF the news is real, I’ll consider it.” Hakim can almost hear Yassine smile at that but furrows his eyebrows. He thinks he can hear some mumbling in the background.

“Yassine, are there people with you- wait Yousef?”

“Okay good talk, man. See you soon! Give the missus our my salam!” the dial tone sounds, indicating that Yassine has hung up the call and had put him on speaker for the rest of the team who were almost certainly sitting right there with him. A small smile makes its way onto his face at the thought of his own team anticipating his return. He turns to look at you, your mouth slightly twitching into a smile and eyes fluttering as you struggle to feign sleep.

“I know you’re awake, my love.” He whispers, smile widening as he tickles you. You shriek with laughter, moving onto your back as he moves to lay by your side, elbow propped up with his head resting on his hand. He can see the excitement in your eyes, not necessarily for yourself but you know that his mind wanders to question his decision. Could he have handled it? The answer was no and he did the right thing for himself but a new opportunity now hangs in the air, one that could return him to his beloved team again.

“It might not even be real, I don't want to get our hopes up.”

“You’re right but it doesn’t hurt to consider the outcomes, no?”

“I suppose…” He sees you struggling to keep your eyes open and smiles softly. Whatever happens, at least he has his beautiful wife there with him. You were with him when he quit the team, holding him as he stressed about whether he was making a huge mistake. You were his rock throughout those first few months after the news broke out. When some old fans turned on him for a perceived lack of loyalty, when his ex “coach” was mouthing off about him to the press, when he cried at the idea of his teammates being resentful of the decision. He’s so happy he married you. You were his oasis amongst all the stresses of his career. 

“We should probably sleep, my love.” You hum softly in agreement.

He lays on his back and carefully rolls you over so that you lay your head on his chest. His eyes fluttering to a close. Hopefully this time, the sleep will be without interruptions.

“I gave Walid your number by the way.”

“Of course you did, Nayef. I expect no less from any of you.” Hakim sighs. He pretends to be annoyed but secretly, everytime one of them indicates a desire for his return, he’s a step closer to booking a flight, walking into the stadium and training with everyone like nothing happened. But he holds off and waits. doubts still race through his mind and the memories of the last experience serve to continue his hesitancy.

Hours later, Walid Regragui himself has texted Hakim and organised a Zoom meeting to discuss future plans.

He genuinely doesn’t know what to think. Would the governing body just pick a Halilhodžić 2.0?  For all he knows, this could all just be history repeating itself

Hakim takes a deep breath, mumbling a prayer before entering the call. He’s met with a very friendly looking face with a beaming smile, already promising…

“Ah, Hakim! What an honour to meet you!” Hakim smiles at that, he feels good about this.

“Likewise! The team has said many good things about you already!”

“I’m glad to hear that, it's a promising team and I have real faith in all of them. Listen, I’m not going to beat around the bush with this. We need you on the team.”

Everyone’s prayers have been answered. Hakim makes his reappearance during one of the final qualifier matches, having trained with the team since mid-August. It was a huge relief for everyone to see him again and his friends were ecstatic to have their team feel complete after so long. The crowd went wild at his entrance. Of course they had known for a while now but seeing him in the flesh was a different experience. The electricity of the crowd only served to energise the team and allowed for a picture perfect victory. Hakim is ecstatic and the first thing he wants is to celebrate with you so he turns to forming a heart with his hands towards you. your friends are cheering as they tease you a little bit. you blush at the gesture and return it as the crowd cheer for the pair of you.

This was definitely the right decision.

He’s pacing around the hotel room.

“Anything could happen, habibi. Imagine if we lost to Canada!” The pacing clearly isn’t helping his mind when you stand, placing a hand on his back and guiding him to sit down on the bed. You gently turn his head so he’s looking at you and kiss him softly. He immediately relaxes as he cups your cheek with his hand. You pull away for breath but he brings you back in for another shortly after, his other hand moving to wrap around your waist to pull you closer. When he needs to pull away for breath, he keeps his forehead on yours and his eyes stay closed. 

“You guys had Croatia on the ropes, Canada is nothing. Yassine said no to them anyway.” He smiles at that but the worry returns once more.

“You see, that's how they trick you! And then you end up losing to Saudi Arabia in your opening match!” you laugh and he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“Last I checked, the teams that care about every match as much as you end up doing exactly what's expected. So long as you don’t treat this match like a chance to poke fun at the other side, you’re gonna be okay, inshallah.” he hums in vague agreement.

“Do you think I made the right decision in coming back?”

“My love, I haven't seen you so happy playing football in a long time. This team clearly makes you happy and that's enough for me.”

“I thought I was supposed to be the one with the words.” so gently smack his arm at that. You have a good feeling about the upcoming days and that's all you can really say.

The hours have finally passed, after spending your time exploring the streets of Qatar, buying some gifts for family on the way while Hakim has his final training sessions with the team, you and hakim;s mother manage to find your seats in the stadium. You’re slightly concerned and hope that his worries in the morning have dissipated. Your seat is fairly close to the barrier so you can discern some faces, smiling widely as you see your husband in his starting position, focussed as ever.

It's a couple of minutes into the match and the Moroccan attack is already decimating the Canadian defence. The ball is passed to Hakim who performs one of his signature crosses and makes an extremely risky attempt. The angle is tight and the goalkeeper appears to be moving in the right direction. You’re frozen in place as you keep your eye on the ball.

Your reaction is delayed until you hear the crowd explode into cheers, chanting Hakim’s name just as they did upon begging for his return. You manage to make eye contact with him as tears begin to form and you blow him a kiss, the people around you are baffled by the weirdly intimate gesture. It all becomes clear as the giant monitors display the cameras which are all focussed on one player. Hakim makes eye contact with you to the best of his ability as he kisses his wedding ring and forms a heart with his hands. Hakim’s mother nudges your shoulder teasingly as you hide your face in your hands while the crowd relish a short glimpse into your love for each other. He can't hold in his excitement. And to think that without your reassurance and encouragement, he may not have even come. 

Once the final whistle is finally blown, the players are all immediately rushing to their families. Morocco have finally made it to the knockout stages, all while topping group F. 

Hakim can't wait until everyone has left, as he’s bursting with excitement. So, he jumps the barrier, making a beeline to hug his mum and then you in the tightest, most comfortable embrace. the crowd erupting into cheers at the sweetness of it all. Neither of you care about the cameras that have managed to capture the moment of intimacy you both shared. It's nothing unusual for the two of you from the glimpses Hakim shares into your relationship online. Its very clear that the two of you are made for each other. You feel your shoulder is slightly damp as the pair of you soak in the glorious moment.

“Everything okay, my love?” you whisper, a hand rubbing circles on his back.

“Just glad that I'm back.” you both laugh quietly, you can vaguely hear his friends whoop and cheer from the field and you swear you can hear Yassine thanking you for joining in with the pestering and you roll your eyes playfully. He reluctantly lets go, pressing a kiss to your cheek before making his way back to the bunker.

The journey back home in the taxi is in a comfortable silence, the smiles haven’t left your faces. Your hands are intertwined and your head is resting on his shoulder. 

The second you open the door to the hotel room, he kicks his shoes off and flops onto the bed dramatically. You snicker at his antics as you open the suitcases, looking for a shirt to sleep in. As you retrieve it, you look up to notice that hakim has already curled up under the blankets, scrolling through his phone at the edits he can't wait to show you. You quickly change as you jump in with him. His arms are immediately wrapped around your body, pulling you flush against him.

"People are quick with these huh?" you say, dumbfounded as you go through edit after edit. people have found and stitched old videos of you together, interviews, voiceovers from things he's said, photos from his instagram and you honestly commend the effort. Even you had forgotten about some of these, slightly embarrassed at how obvious the two of you were making the relationship. You at least remembered why the secret relationship was revealed so quickly.

"To say the least, it's only been a couple of hours!" you laugh as you continue to look through the hashtag people have created for you.

You grow bored of this so you put your phone back on the bedside table and turn to Hakim. You both admire each other for a second, gently tracing the other's features in silent admiration. The look he was giving you had your heart beating quickly, even after all this time. The softness they held made you feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Those edits really aren't that far off on the effect he has on you, as much as you hate to admit.

“Thank you all for pestering me so much about coming back.”

“It's what we’re here to do” you laugh quietly together before calling it a night and falling into a peaceful slumber wrapped in each other's arms.

idk how i feel about this one but i hope you enjoy anyway, my loves xx

[ripeteeth]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag, @another-lost-one!

How many works do you have on ao3?

106, all in. (105 under ripeteeth, 1 orphaned)

What's your total ao3 word count?

966,792. God, I'd love to hit 1 million before the end of the year, but that's extremely unlikely.

What fandoms do you write for?

Way too many. The main are: The Terror, MDZS, Disco Elysium, Harry Potter, Good Omens.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Salinity (And Other Measurements of Brackish Water) [Good Omens]: 3094 how a resurrection really feels [Disco Elysium]: 1479 Vigil Strange [The Magnus Archives]: 1266 the art of asking your boss for a raise [Succession]: 1154 no son of mine [Beyond Evil]: 993

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but I get easily overwhelmed and sometimes don't. I feel awful about it, I'm so sorry. I am so grateful for every comment, truly.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I guess it depends what you consider angstier? I have some centered around grief and loss and some focused on fucked-up relationships and characters continuing to make choices that hurt them. It's kind of cheating to say Asterius is my choice, considering that I haven't published the end of it yet, but anyone familiar with the story of Theseus and the Minotaur should hear the beat of the story I'm telling there.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

For some reason, I think it's either The Passion or How A Resurrection Really Feels. A believable happiness feels the most relatable to me, and two middle-aged, damaged-but-still-here-godammit men finding a bit of comfort in the midst of all of it just feels right. Like a comfortable boiled wool jacket just a little big in the shoulders. The one that smells like your father's cologne. That kind of warmth.

Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah. It was really bad for awhile, and was the main reason I left Good Omens and turned off comments and orphaned Salinity. I'm pretty desensitized to it now.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write pretty much only smut. I don't know what I'd categorize it as other than that tbh.

Do you write crossovers?

No, never felt the interest.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, I don't think so.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah! It was a really cool experience and I felt really honored.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I've tried to but I'm terrible at it. It doesn't help that I've had terrible writer's block for the past several years though.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I have no idea how to answer this. All of them I've ever shipped?

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Revachol Calling. God, I want to finish it so badly. There was a very specific something in me while I was writing it, and then a lot of everything happened. Anyway, I've lost it, that je ne sais quoi. I started replaying Disco Elysium again recently, so maybe it will come back. Here's hoping.

What are your writing strengths?

Imitation. Hearing the music in a sentence. Being fascinated by everything and bogging the reader down in necklaces of useless fact.

What are your writing weaknesses?

See above, turn it up to eleven.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?:

Not unless I'm reasonably fluent and confident in the language.

First fandom you wrote for:

Ghost Story, for Harry Potter, first posted in December 2018. It's surreal to think that it's been five years. What a strange five years.

Favorite Fic You've Written?

Either Revachol Calling (for Disco Elysium) or Blood, Bones, and Butter (for MDZS). I think there's something deeply personal about Revachol Calling that both makes me struggle with it but also resonate the most with it.

For Blood, Bones, and Butter, it was one of the more fun fics I've ever written and I really enjoyed being able to add layers to what the reader knew by simply adding an additional viewpoint, kinda triangulating their messy beginning through three men who are each extremely certain that they're correct. (Yeah, I'd watched Rashomon recently, why do you ask). That's the fascinating thing about songxuexiao for me, each of them is so certain they've got the others all figured out, but they're also all holding back aspects of their own interiority.

Either way, they're both important to me.

Tagging: @pearwaldorf, @et-in-arkadia, @danpuff-ao3, and anyone else who likes!

[wildlife4life]

WIP Wednesday

I have gotten tagged by so many lovely and amazing people! I feel so loved and honored! Thank you @jesuisici33, @thewolvesof1998, @hippolotamus, @thekristen999, @spotsandsocks, @forthewolves, @alyxmastershipper, @spaceprincessem, @prince-buck-diaz, @panbuckley, @wikiangela, and @shortsighted-owl

I know I'm a little late to the game today, but I am trying to get my shadowing hours done so I can finally get into my program for school. So as thanks for all the tags and the patience, here is a piece of Three Taps for the Lombardi aka NFL Buck.

“Damn Buckley, you get a new helmet? Head getting knocked around less now? Because those are some seriously brilliant solutions.” Eddie jests, already making a note in his phone to message Maddie and talk to Bobby. Buck clicks his tongue, “You’re an asshole. I’m telling Linda to take the rest of week off, let you fend for yourself with meals.” He threatens emptily, trying and failing not to smile. Eddie places a hand over his heart, overdramatizing his mock dread to the threat, “Would you really deprive the man you proclaim to love more than football itself, the great wonders of Linda’s cooking?” His boyfriend snort loud and the screen shakes with his laughter, “Yes, but given your last cooking attempt, I’ll reframe from doing so.  I like the kitchen too much for you to potentially burn it down.” Eddie was not going to argue with him. His piss poor cooking skills were a fault he embraced after almost burning down their first home in Houston, trying to make a celebratory dinner for Buck after signing his million-dollar contract with the Texans. “How’s camp going? Taking your own advice and making some new friends?” Eddie asks. Evan frowns a bit, “Still getting a hang of McVay’s system. I got to know the receivers when I had those private work outs with them and at OTA’s. Wolford and Perkins are good guys, I’m around them a lot. I get along great with the O-line, especially Whitworth, which is good. Don’t need another unguarded linebacker snapping my leg.” He wrinkles his nose at the memory and Eddie notices the slight movement of the arm not holding his phone, probably rubbing scars along his left leg.  Eddie just grimaces, remembering that game, Buck’s recovery, and the potential loss of his starting job to Watson. The 2018-2019 season really was the worst for Evan. “And the defensive players?” Eddie prompts, pulling them both away from past. “Great guys. Glad to have Donald on the same team.  They all really make you work for it.” Buck sneers slightly and tries to hide it, but Eddie catches him. “What is it?”

If you want to see the other posts and snippets for this fic just search under the nfl tag on my page. Hope ya'll enjoyed!

Tagging who I hope hasn't posted yet, if so, sorry I've been off tumblr for most of the day lol: @monsterrae1, @lizzybizzyzzz, @transbuck, @glorious-spoon @911onabc, @911-on-abc, @brokenribsdiaz, @cowboydiazes, @cowboy-buddie, @starlingbite, @housewifebuck, @bigfootsmom, @try-set-me-on-fire, @homerforsure, @sibylsleaves, @princessfbi, @bekkachaos, @heartbeatdiaz

[mirajaneswritingshenanigans]

Closure

Fandom(s): Supernatural

Pairing(s): Dean Winchester x Past!Reader

Summary: A vamp case leads the boys two towns over from Jody’s hometown. Dean gets a case of deja vu when they ask the friend of the victim what they saw. The moment he hears a familiar voice the past comes flooding back.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this fanfic. The writers, directors, producers, and the CW network own the characters, I am simply borrowing them for this Fanfic.

A/N: Y/N-Your Name. This is a repost from 2018. I had deleted, although I don’t remember the reason. But, I’ve decided to bring it back.

Warning(s): Out of character moments? Heartbreak. Dean getting angry.

Word Count: 3,476

Dean couldn’t help the feeling of Déjà Vu he was experiencing as he walked silently next to Sam. They got word of a case two towns over from where Jody lives. From what Sam said it was a vampire problem. Dean’s brows furrowed as he tried to figure out why he would have this feeling. The two of them were currently walking towards the front door of a house. Earlier in the day they questioned the town officers of the most recent attack. They gave them the information about the victim and what they knew of the attack and also gave the boys an address. The address belonged to a friend of the victim.

Sam knocked on the door when they reached it. Dean turned away to look at the yard. “Dean?” He immediately recognized the voice and turned to face them. It hit him hard on why he knew this place. Old memories and feelings resurfacing. “Hey, Y/N.” Dean said nervously. “You’re kidding, right?” Your voice now laced with anger and pain. “Um, you two know each other?” Sam questioned with a puzzled expression. “I wish we didn’t.” You looked away from Dean to Sam. Completely missing the hurt expression Dean wore when you said that. Though he couldn’t blame you for how you reacted. He remembered he didn’t say goodbye five years ago. Never even picked up the phone during those years to let you know how sorry he was. Never even explained why he left the way he did.

“You must be Sammy. Dean told me a lot about you when we did know each other. Care to explain what you two are doing here?” You stepped outside, closing the door behind you. You weren’t in the mood to invite either one of them into your house. You gestured to the table and chairs that were setup on the porch. They followed your lead as you took a seat at the table. “We’re here because we heard what happened to your friend. We’d like to hear what happened that night from you.” Sam stated nervously. Dean sat quietly not saying a word. He focused on his hands in his lap instead. You glanced to Dean and sighed. Sam could see the conflict of feelings in your expression. “You won’t believe me if I tell you.” You turned your focus back to Sam.

“Try me.” Sam stated calmly. “All right. It happened two nights ago. We were walking home from the bar. They were drunk, I was sober. I had the feeling that we were being followed. I mentioned it to them. They told me to stop being paranoid.” You spoke quietly. Recalling the nightmarish scene in your mind. “This guy came out of nowhere. His teeth weren’t normal. They attacked my friend. I tried to fight them off. When I realized I couldn’t, I ran to the closest house like a coward. The house happened to be a cop’s house. He was off duty but called it in.” Your voiced cracked towards the end.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Dean finally spoke. You glanced over to Dean. He looked back at you. Sam looked back and forth between the two of you. “I’m going to give the two of you a moment. I’ll be in the car.” Sam said as he stood up. Leaving you alone with Dean. Not exactly what you had planned for today. Dean was the last person you had ever expected on your doorstep.

“Why’d you do it?” You asked. Several emotions flooding you at once. Dean looked down to his hands. He knew he needed to explain everything to you. “Dean, I swear to God. If you aren’t going to talk, you need to leave.” Your voice was cruel as you began to stand. “Wait.” Dean grabbed your wrist. “Like I did for the last five years?” Tears began to blur your vision. “I left because I had to deal with something.” Dean explained. “You couldn’t even call me? Tell me that you left and aren’t even coming back?” You yanked your wrist away from him. He had no idea the pain he caused when he suddenly left without an explanation or even saying goodbye.

“Right now. You’re explanation is the vaguest thing I’ve ever heard.” You choked out. “My time was running out okay? You and I had the best three years together back then. I won’t ever forget that. You were the best thing I ever experienced.” Dean stated, his voice cracking. “What the hell do you mean you’re time was running out?” You asked coldly. “Cross Roads Demon. Ever heard of the legend behind those?” Dean asked impatiently. “Of course I have. I’ve seen it in books and movies, and the Folklore class I took in college covered it also. Those are supposed to be legends.” You stated flatly. “Sweetheart, they aren’t just legends. They’re real. Sammy and I know from personal experience.” Dean began to explain.

You looked over to the impala. Sam was sitting in the passenger seat. Your heart ached when your mind began to flood with memories. The times Dean would take you on late night drives when you both couldn’t sleep. His music blaring as he drove down roads less traveled. You sighed sadly and turned back to Dean. “Monsters are real?” You asked softly. You felt fear creeping up on you. You knew that was a normal reaction. You did have an open mind but you didn’t expect to be this accepting of his truth or the truth of monsters.

“Yes. Sammy and I hunt those monsters. We really got into the business when our dad disappeared.” Dean said. You stood next to your chair, wrapping your arms around yourself for comfort. “It’s a family thing?” You questioned. “Yeah. At least for us it is.” Dean looked down to his hands again. You sat down again and glanced to the impala. Sam waved awkwardly when you made eye contact. You waved back just as awkwardly.

“Do you believe me?” Dean asked so softly he thought you couldn’t hear him. “On one hand I just want to slap you hard and call you a liar. Tell you that I never want to see your stupidly attractive face again. On the other hand I can see the truth in your eyes. You’re eyes tell me that I can believe you. What happened two nights ago says I can believe you.” You told him. Dean couldn’t speak. “Dean, a part of me still loves you.” You confessed. Dean looked up and into your eyes. He saw several emotions flash through your eyes. “My life is too dangerous. I shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place. I can never have the apple pie life that I talked about all those years ago. I can never have you, not again. It’s too big of a risk.” His heart sank as he spoke.

He stood up quickly and handed you a card. “We’re going to solve this case and leave again.” Dean said. He couldn’t even look at you as he spoke. He knew if he did, he would break. “Goodbye, Y/N.” Dean choked out as he began to walk away. “Goodbye, Dean.” You said softly, your voice filled with pain. You looked down to the card. It had Sam’s name and number on it. The fact that Dean didn’t leave his number stung. A tear dropped onto the card.  You dropped the card on the table. You set your elbows on the table and rested your face in your hands. You couldn’t stop the sobs that began to escape.

Dean’s heart ached as he heard your sobs. He was only two feet down your walkway when you began to sob. He fought the urge to turn around and comfort you. He walked silently to his impala. He made the mistake of looking back when he reached the impala. His heart ached even more at the sight before him. You were still sitting at the table. Your arms were crossed on top the table now. Your face resting on them. He couldn’t hear your sobs anymore but he could tell by the way your shoulders shook that you hadn’t stopped. “I’m sorry.” He whispered sadly before getting in the car.

The car ride was silent. Sam was surprised that music wasn’t even playing as he stared out the window. Dean took them back to the motel they were staying at. Castiel popped up after an hour. “You called?” Castiel questioned. Sam’s brows furrowed when Castiel asked that. “I did. I need a favor Cas.” Dean stated. Sam raised a brow at Dean. “Okay?” Cas sat down on one of the beds. “I need you to wipe me from Y/N’s memory.” Dean choked out.

“Whoa, wait a minute. They should be able to make that decision.” Sam said quickly. “Dean, I agree.” Cas looked to Sam. “You didn’t see them today. You didn’t see the damage I caused by showing up.” Dean’s voice rose. “Dean, that doesn’t give you the right.” Sam stated sadly. Dean stood up quickly and threw his beer at the wall. “I was head over heels for them. In fact the moment I heard their voice, EVERYTHING came flooding back. The feelings, the memories, EVERYTHING!” Dean yelled, his voice cracking. Cas looked over to Sam, not knowing what to do.

“It may hurt right now, Dean, but you should hold onto those memories.” Cas stated kindly. “Why, so I can long for a life without them?” Dean’s voice was laced with anger. Anger that the pain of seeing you sob had brought on. “No. The way I see it, is you now have a bigger reason to rid the world of monsters.” Cas explained calmly. Dean let his words sink in and he knew Cas was right. Dean sat back down. “Let’s just solve this case. Make this place safer for them.” Dean stated. “So, get this. When I did some investigating online. I found out there is an abandoned house a mile away from the most recent attack site. I think that may be where the vampire nest is.” Sam pointed out to Cas and Dean.

Dean grabbed his coat and keys. “Let’s go kill some vamps.” He said as he walked out the door. “Do I ride along or do the Angel thing and pop myself over?” Cas asked curiously. “Ride with us.” Sam said as he led the way out of the room. During the car ride the three of them went over the plans of attack.

“The drive way is one half mile long. I think we should park at the end of it. That way the impala doesn’t give us away.” Sam said. “That sounds like a good idea.” Cas pointed out. Dean nodded but didn’t say a word. “Y/N was lucky enough to get away that night.” Cas said after Sam filled him in on the current events. “That’s not how they feel.” Dean deadpanned. “Survivor’s guilt?” Cas questioned. Dean began to slow the impala as the driveway of the abandoned house came into view. He didn’t want to talk about you anymore. He needed to focus. Focus on making your town a safer place. Making your life a safer place. He wouldn’t be able to do that if his mind was distracted with how you felt and are feeling.

Dean parked the impala and quietly got out of the car. He popped the trunk. Sam followed him to the trunk. Dean looked around for several of his favorite machetes and long knives. “Cas, you know how to kill a vamp?” Sam questioned. “Yes, cut the head off.” Cas stated proudly. Mainly proud of the fact that he knew the answer. Not proud of the fact that he has to kill. “All right. Let’s get this over with.” Dean stated. “Hold up.” Sam said. He reached into his back pocket because his phone was vibrating. “Hello?” He questioned. Dean watched Sam’s eyes widen and his face go pale. “Cas, pop over to Y/N’s house. NOW!” Sam ordered.

Dean’s heart dropped when Cas disappeared. “We need to get these vamps now!” Sam began to run towards the house. Leaving no room for Dean to argue. Dean followed Sam. Dean and Sam jumped into action the moment they made it to the house. Between the two of them they killed nine vampires. Dean was holding a tenth one in a head lock. “How many of you are there?” Sam asked angrily. “I’m the last.” Dean tightened his grip when the words left the vamp’s mouth. “You’re lying.” Dean growled out.

“Fine. There is one more. Went after the one that got away.” The vamp gasped out. Dean let go and pushed the vamp towards Sam. In a swift move Sam cut the vamp’s head off. Sam felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He immediately reached for it and answered quickly. “Cas?” Sam questioned. “That’s fantastic.” Sam sighed in relief before hanging up. “Cas made it in time. Y/N isn’t injured, only shaken. Cas is helping her clean up the mess he made when he cut off the vamp’s head.” Sam told Dean. Relief flooded his entire system at Sam’s words.

Dean glanced to the corner where a kerosene lantern was lit. He noticed a bottle of kerosene beside it. He walked over to the bottle and the lantern, grabbing both items. He began to empty out the bottle around the room he stood in with Sam. The moment Sam understood what Dean was doing he walked out of the house. When the bottle was emptied he threw it into the house. After doing that he threw the lit lantern into the house too. Right on the kerosene trail he made. The trail quickly went up in flames.

After about ten minutes the entire house was engulfed in flames. Dean turned away from the house and began to make his way towards the impala. Sam silently walking beside him. The town was safer now. No more vampires would be bothering anyone ever again. Dean blared his music once they made it back to the impala. He drove quickly to the motel room. He didn’t even want to drive to your house. He just couldn’t bring himself to do that, no matter how badly he wanted to see you right now. He had a plan when he got to the motel.

When they pulled up to the motel room they saw Cas waiting by the door. “Cas, how are they?” Dean immediately asked. “They were sleeping when I left.” Cas stated. “That’s good.” Dean said as he walked towards the door. He let Cas into the room first. “They were hiding in the closet when I got to the house.” Cas said as he sat on one of the beds. “They called my phone the moment they heard their door crash open. They were upstairs at the time.” Sam told Dean. Dean sat across the table from Sam. He was currently writing something on a sheet of paper. “Nothing happened to them though?” Dean looked up to Cas. “No. The vampire was taunting them to come out. But they stayed quiet and hidden. He was about to open the closet when I showed up. I cut his head off before he even touched the closet doorknob.” Cas stated.

“Good.” Dean turned his attention back to the paper. “They told me to send their thanks.” Cas told Sam. Sam nodded. “Well, I guess we can leave first thing in the morning.” Sam said as he stood up. “Yeah.” Dean muttered. “We’ll head back to Bobby’s in the morning.” Dean stated as he folded the paper. Sam took off his shoes and settled into his bed. Exhaustion taking over the moment he lied down. “Cas, I want you to take this to Y/N’s. Make sure it’s the first thing they see when they wake. Understood?” Dean’s voice was filled with urgency. Cas nodded in agreement and disappeared. Dean took off his shoes and walked over to his bed. He sighed heavily as he pulled the blankets back before lying down. He fell into a heavy sleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

You startled awake the next morning. The events of the past few days flooding your mind. You knew nightmares would be a thing for awhile. You sighed and looked over to your alarm clock. Your brows furrowed when the time was blocked by a sheet of paper. You threw your feet over the side of the bed and reached for the paper. Slowly unfolding it. A lump formed in your throat as you recognized Dean’s handwriting.

Dear Y/N,

I regret saying that I should never have gotten involved in the first place. That was harsh and untrue. I don’t regret nor will I ever regret spending those years together. I will forever wish that you were with me once again. But as I stated before, it is too high of a risk. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I’d lost you. Or if you got killed under my protection. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t still love you. I know what I said before may have been harsh. I just can’t take the risk of losing you. I’ll always remember the good times.

My favorite memory will always be our first late night drive. The one where we sped down that dirt road that had a beautiful scenery. You know exactly which one I speak of. It was your favorite place because you could see the stars clearly. That night you were sitting on the door, holding tightly to baby. The wind flowing through your hair. Of course I slowed baby down to thirty miles an hour. I remember glancing over and seeing pure happiness on your face. You whooped loudly before sitting back down in the passenger seat. Your hair was a mess as you gave me a huge smile. Then we both began to sing off key to your favorite song just because we could.

I regret the day I left without a word. I could tell when I saw you that I did a lot of damage by doing so. I hope one day you can forgive me. Even if I won’t forgive myself. Seeing you again made all the feelings and memories come flooding back at once. Memories I had thought were long forgotten. I hope that you will find love again, as much as it pains me to say that. I just want you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn’t include me.

The vamps have been taken care of. Your town and you are safe once again. I’d say keep in touch but that seems like a bad idea. Even though I want it so badly to be that way. Maybe one day I can retire from this life. That seems like only a dream. Until then I will continue to keep the world safe from the things that go bump in the night. Keeping you safe.

Now. This is my final goodbye. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I want to keep you safe and it seems this is the only way. If you ever need someone call Sheriff Jody Mills. She’s a hunter too. I’m sorry it has to be this way. I hope this will bring closure to the wound I caused five years ago. I love you, Y/N. I hope one day you will be the happy person I knew you to be, again. Goodbye.

Love Forever Dean Winchester.

You silently folded the letter and held it close to your heart. Tears steadily streamed down your face. “I will forever love you too.” You whispered sadly as your head hung low. Unbeknownst to you Cas stood in front of you. Using his Angel grace to hide his presence. He had listened to you read the letter aloud to yourself. His heart clenching at the words being said. He now understood why Dean was so upset. He didn’t know the full story but he got the gist of it.

Cas sighed heavily as he popped up in the back seat of the impala. Dean glanced into the rear view mirror. “She got your letter.” Cas stated. Dean nodded as he kept his eyes on the road. Sam glanced over to Dean and then to Cas. Sam hoped that one day Dean would tell him what went on between the two of you. Dean turned up the music as he continued down the road. The three of them heading for Bobby’s place. “Goodbye.” Dean whispered when they passed the sign that announced they were leaving the town. He didn’t look back like he wanted to. Instead he continued on.

Main Masterlist

[maesterchill]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thanks for the tag @cassiaratheslytherpuff, it was really interesting to read your answers! And fuck, I remember that WIP about Muggles fighting Wizards and suppressing their magic, so if you ever do reignite that, hit me up!

Here are mine! (under the cut)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 112 works right now. (64 fics, 40 artworks, 4 poems & 4 podfics)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

422,153, which averages around 7k per fic... sounds about right, most of mine are short form.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter!! Various ships but mostly Drarry

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(All Drarry - All Explicit 😂) December Never Felt So Wrong, 50k, E (The memory loss one) My Heart was far too glad, 22k, E (The double mpreg birthing class one) When The Fallout Comes, 7k, E (the hand kink one) Every Day is Leg Day, 2k, E (the seven days of significant legs one) Eat Me, 11k, E (the chocolate cock one)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. I'm SO grateful to people for reading and taking the time to leave me a comment, so I like to thank them for that.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely my Dron fic, Primum Non Nocere (1.8k, M). Sorry, Ron!! No HEA for you in that one 😬

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Wow that's a toughie. Most of my fics have some sort of happy sappy ending. Maybe Threads of Hope (5k, T) for the family feels and for 'Harry was happy on Halloween'. 💖

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. A few strange comments from time to time and people not agreeing with my choices for characters or plot, but nothing hateful!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't think of myself as a smut writer, only 22 of my 64 fics are rated Explicit. Nor is the smut especially kinky - have dabbled in hand kink and watersports but that's about it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not exactly, but I collabed on an LCDrarry fic/art combo that was based on the trolley scene from Meet Me in St Louis, with Draco as Esther and Harry as John.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Once - into Russian. So people can now read about Гарри Поттер and Драко Малфой enjoying a hand job in the Room of Requirement.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes - quite a few! I've co-written 5 or 6 fics with @timothysboxers, I wrote a fic with 20 other authors once, which was wild, and recently wrote a little ficlet with @lettersbyelise and @sassy-cissa. Tim and I are working on another one right now - wish us luck! 😅 *sweats in writer's block* I've also collabed on 2 podfics. And have at various times and with various people participated in a fic & art collab where one of us draws and the other person writes. It's so great being creative with others!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Drarry. 🤷‍♂️

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SO MANY. I have a lots of WIPs and some of them I *might* finish some day (or so I tell myself). But I think the George/Angelina one I started in 2018 will probably never get finished. I realise you'll all be sadface emoji about that. 😂

16. What are your writing strengths?

I really don't know. I am GREAT at starting a fic, getting the first scene and a half down. That is my superpower. I'm ok at dialogue I think?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Following on from above, I seem to have unusually great difficulty writing endings. I struggle with making things plotty, and I find it so hard to delay the smooshing together of the characters. Also descriptions of places and rooms and clothes... not my forte. (Food descriptions I'm ok with though, lol, glutton that I am)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've never thought much about it. I occasionally include a short phrase uttered by someone in another language. But not whole sections of dialogue.

Should I have opinions about this? Is there discourse here I am unaware of? 😅

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. First and only!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Like Cassiara, my favourites change every time I try to pick one! I'll go with Good Intent (12k, E) - a Jeddy fic! Ha. I don't know why but I do quite like naughty James and conflicted Teddy and the lingering love for Harry in this one. Thinking about Drarry... let's give some love too to Be careful what you hiss for (5.6k, E) - Fithy-mouthed parseltongue Harry was a lot of fun to write 🐍👅

I'll tag @citrusses @sweet-s0rr0w @basicallyahedgehog @autumnsnuggling @drarrymyheart @skeptiquewrites @xanthippe74 @cluelesspigeons @lqtraintracks @schmem14 if you want to do it (and haven't already). And anyone else who'd like to do this!

[thetwelfthcrow]

One thing I always remember about max coming into the sport was during an interview he was asked which drivers he’d like to know, one of his was Lewis (or something along those lines). And pre 2021 they got on, you would see them talking to each other and such, they would joke that Lewis always called max ‘this guy’. Lewis was one of the few drivers max followed and vice versa. But I think Lewis knew how talented max was and so kept him at an appropriate distance for someone you know will challenge you for a championship in the future, lewis knew first hand how some friendships pan out in f1, plus max was really young. Even in 2021, after they crashed in silverstone max explained later that Lewis rang him to explain his side and talk about it, so when they crashed in monza max said post race they’ll move past it like before. I think 2022 lewis was still reeling from the loss of the championship (understandable so) and having a tractor didn’t help, but never once did Lewis blame max for what he did, he explicitly said he explicitly said in interviews ‘max did everything a driver should do’. Now it seems that their both in a really good place relationship wise where they can joke and be giggly and touchy feely, so why can’t fans just move on and enjoy it instead of always being negative. You are seeing potentially two of the greatest f1 drivers in history flirting with each other, enjoy it! Sorry for the ramble :))

anon i fulllyyyy agree with u babe !!!! this is the start of a great fanfic, where's the rest?

and yeah i think my clearest tipping point post AD21 was that lewis said something along the lines of, 'if i had been in max's position, i'd have done the same.' like !! yeah !! the choices made weren't max's! he just ended on the winning side of things. if someone had placed a mug slightly too much to the left, the butterfly effect would've started and their positions had actually been swapped and lewis would be wdc. so! stop moaning about it, not max's fault.

not to say stop moaning about the fia, the fia fucking sucks. but hey, regarding ad21, there's nothing we can do about it anymore so choose your battles bc i'm not choosing this one.

here are some pics throughout the year of my 4433 photobook of them together. all from getty images

malaysia 2016 / abu dhabi 2016

malaysia 2017 / japan 2017

singapore 2018 / abu dhabi 2018

hungary 2019 / brazil 2019

spain 2020 / germany 2020

portugal 2021 / silverstone 2021

zandvoort 2021 / abu dhabi 2021

austria 2022 / austin 2022

australia 2023 / australia 2023

spain 2023 / canada 2023