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dolliedarlin · 1 year

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THE PA | SIX ⏤BAKUSQUAD POLY

SUM. : its paradise finally finding and spending time with your soulmates, you want to treasure your precious time together for as long as possible

PAIR. : bakusquad poly x personal assistant reader

LENGTH : 5.6k

G. : fluff ; soulmate au ; poly au ; prohero au ; timeskip au ; time spent together is precious

WARNING : sexual tension ; kissing ; suggestive ; a fat slice of cuteness

A/N : i’m so sorry for the extended wait my loves, thank you all so much for waiting so patiently for this update. a lot of things happened this past year. There are many reasons but I don’t have the time to explain, all I can say is that I’m so so grateful for all of your patience and I hope to make up for it by writing every day now that it’s the holidays and I have the time to write something other than my thesis/dissertation.

PREV.

“Um…Bakugou-san?” you whisper hesitantly, resisting the urge to fidget about, considering the position you were currently in.

“Hmmm?” the blonde gruffly hums from behind you. Still too skittish to answer, Bakugou takes advantage of your silence to shift his attention away from paperwork and wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and nuzzling his face into your neck, “What is it?” he whispers back after revelling in your alluring scent, beaconing him to keep you trapped for longer in his lap.

“I have a lot of work to do too,” you wail with a whine, face and neck overheating from his touch. The close contact and affectionate skinship is something you still have to get used to and you’ve begged all of your soulmates to give you time to get accustomed to it. They try their best to honour your wishes but also admit that they will always have their moments of weakness, even Bakugou. If it has anything to do with you, they will always have a weakness.

“Just a few more minutes,” Bakugou presses his words into the exposed column of your neck as he further buries his face into your skin. His large hands roam the rest of your body but one eventually finds its place clutching the curve of your waist as the other rests against your shapely thigh. You’re flustered to say the least but understand that it’s only natural for your soulmates to get this needy as you have a terrible habit of pulling away from their amorous advances, no matter how demure. It could be a simple brush of hands but you still panic from it. You feel horrible for being so timid but the others have assured you that they find your shyness to be very endearing.

You’re always holding up such a sophisticated and elegant appearance as his personal assistant; your eyes focused, your frame confident and your tongue polite and professional with a touch of dignified zest, befitting a woman of your occupation and standing. You have the job because you are capable, punctual, reliable and hard working - you do your assigned tasks exceptionally well. But to see you reduced to shy glances, an acquiescent frame and clement articulations has the proud hero on his knees and ready to service you in every which way. It’s what you deserve, after all, as his beautiful, beautiful soulmate.

Bakugou almost laughs at himself for being such a hypocrite; he’s always the first to berate his other soulmates for smothering you with affection and using you as a distraction from work. And yet…here he is, distracting you and himself during the work day. Defeated, Bakugou finally lets his head fall back and breathes out a chuckle indicative of his trounce.

“Alright, you can go…” smiling up at him in thanks, you move to get off his lap but are stopped by the slight squeeze of his hands, “but first, gimme those lips,” he doesn’t give you a moment to respond before he’s confining your lips to a passion-filled kiss. It wasn’t just one kiss he took from you, he took several, growing hungrier and hungrier after each one until he finally let you go with a proud grin. You hurry to the door and wish him well on his own workload, too embarrassed to meet his gaze as you close the door behind you.

If you had even an ounce of courage to catch a glance of him before exiting his office, you would’ve seen him licking his lips and wiping your smudged lipstick from the corner of his mouth with his thumb. A satisfied smirk contours the line of his lips as he examines the pretty colour on his thumb and kisses it with a hum of fulfilment.

You always taste so sweet…

He’s typically not a fan of sugar but the sugar on your lips is something he’ll always hunger for.

Making it out of Bakugou’s office, you immediately pull out your pocket mirror and check your appearance. Smudged lipstick. You click your tongue but smile and go about reapplying your favourite colour when you make it back to your desk. Your hair needs fixing too and new ruffles on your work dress needs flattening but it’s easily manageable. Looking around, you’re safe from any prying eyes and sigh in relief before continuing to go about finally doing your work.

You love your soulmates dearly and wish you could reciprocate their advances with just as much vigour but you care for their careers and public image too much; they’ve worked so hard to get this far, you can’t let them throw all that away just for you.

At least nobody but you, Bakguou and a small handful of upper management individuals and Proheros actually enter the top floor of the Dynamight Agency so you’re pretty safe from any prying eyes or loose gossip. As long as you maintain your clean and professional appearance in front of your colleagues, you and Bakugou will be free of any scandalous rumours.

Since uncovering your bond with the other five proheroes, you’ve since then successfully moved into their shared modern, luxury estate. It appears that there are gated clusters of high-end properties scattered strategically across Tokyo, where only the top Proheroes reside, so that, when called to emergencies, they are able to arrive at locations in their allocated radius at a reasonable time.

It’s early morning and you’re freshly out of the shower after having finished your morning exercise at the home gym, when you smell something delicious in the air.

You had already combed hair oils through your damp hair, did your skincare and pulled on your undergarments in the spacious bathroom; you were ready to return to your room so as to get dressed but your rumbling tummy couldn’t resist the enticing seduction of aromatic food in the air.

Tightly tucking your bath towel snug around your figure, you cautiously make your way to the downstairs kitchen, trying to figure out who would be in there so early in the morning. Usually, the only other person awake right now is Bakugou as he likes taking his morning run in the crisp cool air of daybreak. Other than him, you find it hard to place who could be cooking up breakfast so early in the morning.

It wouldn’t be long before you finally find out who the culprit is, however, and you couldn’t be happier to make the discovery as it came with a great view. Standing at the stove stood Kirishima, shirtless and with a simple apron on, his chequered pyjama bottoms loosely clinging onto his frame from the sharp lines of muscle carving out his brawny waist and hips.

“Good morning, (Y/N)!” Kirishima greets with his back still turned, shocking you but it’s to be expected. His trained senses must have traced your figure from the top of the stairs all the way to the kitchen door.

“How did you know it was me?” you ask, tilting your head and leaning against the door frame, amused by his jovial attitude. Just seeing him (or any one of your soulmates) makes you happy.

Kirishima shrugs his shoulders, “the sound of your footsteps are different to the others,” his answer made your brows raise in surprise. Was he really that acutely tuned into you and the others’ gaits?

“What are the differences?” you ask out of pure curiosity as you watch him step away from the stove and plate the delicious breakfast he cooked up for everyone.

“Yours are the softest and most steadily paced. Sero’s are almost silent and are the slowest but most consistently paced, Bakugou’s steps are relatively quick and stomp-y, like he’s always trying to get somewhere quickly,” both of you chuckle at his carefully used descriptor for your typically hot-headed soulmate. Kirishima is now reaching into the cupboards to lay out everyone’s favourite drinks with their favourite glasses or mugs, “Mina’s steps usually kinda follows a tune or rhythm and Denki tends to be the most ‘messy’ but fun,” he puts into air quotes as he approaches you and pulls you close by the waist. You place your hands around his neck as you tilt your head up to peer at him with questioning eyes, “his pace ranges from slow to fast and wide to short strides,” you both smile at each other and he leans in to press his forehead against yours, “now…it’s breakfast time~” he chimes and pulls back with a grin.

You giggle and nod, completely forgetting your state of dress, the morning fuzziness clouding your usually alert state, “right, thank you Ei~” you sing happily, stomach already craving for a bite of the filling breakfast laid out across the table.

“No; thank you~“ Kirishima matches your tune-filled voice but his statement brings a question to the tip of your tongue.

“What do you mea-? Ah!” you squeal when the red head playfully bites your exposed shoulder.

“You’re so cute, babe,” he whispers and kisses your skin, an apology for the reddening bite he marked into it.

“Ow! Stop it!” you laugh and try to push him away.

“No can do, I gotta bite you for being so cute and sexy,”

“What did I do?~” you whine. This makes Kirishima pull away with a raised brow, giving you an up and down look before prompting you to look down at yourself.

“Oh!” he hums in satisfaction from your flustered stance when you quickly realise how severely underdressed you are. Granted you have your underwear on but you were still in just your towel.

“I know you don’t mean to but,�� Kirishima whistles softly, winking at you after he makes a show of looking you up and down again, “you look so…tempting right now,”

Feeling uncharacteristically courageous, you flirt with your eyes and smile innocently, “maybe that’s what I want to do…”

Not a second passes before you’re swept up into your soulmate’s muscular arms and placed to sit on the kitchen counter. Kirishima already has your lips in a heated dance with his own as his hands hold you close at the waist. Your own hands make their way into his soft hair, untamed by his usual gel. At some point, your towel comes off and Kirishima throws away his apron. Although it starts off heated, your passionate lip-lock tango with the red-head slows to prolonged kisses, as soft as moonlight and as relaxed as the lazy summer breeze. The main focus shifted in that same change of pace. Instead, the two of you focused on each other’s skin, enjoying the warmth and touch of the other. It felt nice to feel the skin of your thighs around his naked waist as well as feeling your exposed back with his rough hands. It made you sigh contentedly into his mouth as he smiled against your connected lips.

At last, the two of you part for air but stay pressed against one another with your foreheads touching and your eyes staring deeply into each other’s loving gaze.

“You’re so soft…” Kirishima compliments in a hush, so that only you could hear him - not that there was anybody else around to eavesdrop on you. It’s one of the main reasons why he loves touching you so much. He loves how your skin seems to always welcome his touch with a softness unique to you. His other soulmates have their own individual feel but yours is a delicate velvet that the roughed-up hero always appreciates - similar to Mina but still exclusive to you.

“And you’re all scarred up…” you return, eyes somehow frowning at him.

“I’m not a rough person,” as if to demonstrate he gives you another feather-soft kiss.

You giggle, still speaking in whispers, “I know…but it’s sexy,” he grins widely and pulls away to laugh aloud.

“You really need to stop that, babe, you always make it so hard for me to be gentle with you,” an embarrassing heat rises to your cheeks as you look away bashfully. He moves back, leaving you sitting atop the kitchen counter and returns shortly after to pull his giant shirt over your figure, swamping you in the fabric. Once dressed in his shirt, Kirishima brings you down from your perch and chuckles at your appearance. He loves seeing you in his clothes so much; it makes you look so much more lovable than you already are.

“I’m sorry,” you don’t really mean the apology from the cheeky smile on your face but Kirishima accepts it, he doesn’t really want you to stop either.

“Should we wake the others-?”

RING! RING! RING!

A blaring alarm cuts through the once calm atmosphere and prompts Kirishima to check the hero device he and the rest of your prohero soulmates always keep on their person.

“What is it, Kiri?” you ask, worry in your eyes as the red-head quickly goes about getting dressed into his hero suit.

“There’s an emergency nearby so I’m heading out,” fully-dressed, Kirishima grabs a quick bite of breakfast before heading to the front door with you following close behind, “don’t worry, beautiful,” he reassures you with a smile after putting on his shoes.

“I know you’re strong but please be careful,” he thanks you for your concern and pulls you into a final kiss before he’s rushing off.

“I’ll be home soon!” He calls back as you wave him goodbye from the open doorway, attempting a brave smile with concern swimming in your hollowed-out chest. Within the house, there’s a flurry of movement as the others abruptly rise from their sleep and rush to put on their own hero suits - they probably rose to the alarm too. Even though more of them were soon going to be joining Kirishima, you felt more assured then when you saw him rushing off to the scene alone. If they work together then they’ll be able to stay safe.

You know they’ll get home safely.

A rustling from the shrubbery nearby catches your attention and you freeze in place. This is a gated private community, the likelihood that someone could sneak in would be very low on the scale. Approaching the uniform, decorative flora in your outdoor slippers and Kiri’s shirt, you peak over and spot nothing. Relief washes over your head. The paranoia over potentially getting caught by paparazzi and aggressive media personnel was slowly getting to you and it’s anxiety inducing; you can’t even happily spend time with your newly discovered soulmates.

You shake any remaining negative emotions out of your frame and re-enter the house, ready to wish the rest of your soulmates goodbye as they ready themselves to join Kirishima for a villain attack.

It’s a surprise how you could have ever survived so long without having Mina as your selfcare partner. You already took good care of your skin and hair before but, with Mina, the routine became so much more fun and entertaining, especially when she was able to rope in the others to join you. She could be very convincing.

Denki was the one who actively sought you two out to do some selfcare together; Kiri and Sero were up for doing anything with you two, trusting in your knowledge of the topic and love of them to be well taken care of. But it was Bakugou who put up some resistance. He always eventually succumbed to your demands, however, grumbling here and there under his breath but you could see that he enjoyed being pampered, especially when it was by you and Mina. You two are their favourite girls after all. Soon enough, you’re sure he will be the one to seek you two out for the weekly routine pampering session, he was a man all about routine, after all.

One of the main things you liked to look forward to about this whole routine was the shopping aspect. It was always fun to pile skin care and self care products up in your individual baskets, hoping to share your findings with one another when you met up at the check-out counter.

This time, Mina had been very excited to shop together with you all in search of a new clay mask she had been anticipating the release of from one of her favourite skincare brands. The two of you planned an entire night based around that clay mask and Mina made sure she was off patrol duty so that she could experience it with you. Sero was kind enough to take on her shift so that you two could spend quality time together, to which you both rewarded him with plenty of kisses and cuddles.

“If either of you want another pamper night but it falls on Mina’s shift, always tell me first and I’ll happily switch shifts,” Sero voiced out, his face littered with lipstick kisses and a dopey smile stretched out across his lips.

One problem was that the search for that particular clay mask took longer than expected. It appeared as though everyone had been out to purchase it too so splitting up to cover more ground in the store was definitely a good idea. The two of you managed to meet up at the spot the clay mask was being sold and swiped up two tubs of it with an enthusiastic cheer.

“Let’s hurry and pay so we can start our selfcare date night early today,” Mina whispered in happiness beside you as you nodded along. You displayed a smile despite the ominous feeling you felt following you about the store. It was your paranoia acting up again; you hate to say it but you easily complied with it by keeping a modest distance from the pinkette who had been trying to link arms with you on the way to the cash register, “what’s wrong, (Y/N)?”

“Oh nothing…” you hesitated but let her have her way in standing close to you. It’s just your paranoia, you don’t want it taking over fully and tarnishing your relationship even though it came from a good place.

Night soon fell and after seeing off Sero, you and Mina moved to her room, where she played her self care playlist through her portable speaker, laid out some yummy snacks to share along with all the self care necessities the two of you would soon be spoiling yourselves in. The first order of business was a shower. You took it together and helped each other with your hair, giggling at the bubbles the shampoo made, talked through your favourite body scrub, helped give one another shoulder massages when helping to lather up the body wash and squealed in unison from the final burst of ice-cold water to tighten up your hair follicles.

“That took longer than expected,” you laughed, catching sight of the clock on the wall. It had been about an hour or so since you and Mina entered the shower together.

“Yeah but it was worth it, that was such a fun but relaxing shower,” Mina sighs in content as she stretches out in her bathrobe on the bed. The shoulder massage you gave her did magic to her usually tense back muscles, she’ll be sure to brag about this to her other soulmates in the hopes that she’ll be able to playfully induce some jealousy whilst simultaneously praising more of your hidden skills and talents.

“Yeah~” you reciprocate her sigh of content, “as much as I love the boys, I love our girl time too,” the two of you hummed in agreement and stayed sprawled out on the bed with a towel under your wet hair for several more minutes before eventually agreeing to continue your self care session.

While your hair was still wet, you treated your scalp and hair-ends with hair oils, using a scalp massager on each other when doing so. After that came the much anticipated clay mask.

“We have to be careful with clay masks,” Mina warns as she applies the mask onto your face as you close your eyes, she was using the small spatula provided and secretly admired the sweet features of your face while doing so. This was a good idea. The pinkette loves seeing you relaxed and happy rather than stressed and serious, though a pair of furrowed brows, a firm gaze and your elegant silhouette did have a big, flustering effect on her.

“Why is that?”

“We can’t move our faces once it begins to dry because then it’ll crack,”

“Oh yeah…” she giggles at your realisation, how could you have forgotten that? Nevertheless, it was eventually your turn to apply the mask on her.

“Mmmm~ you have a really gentle touch, (Y/N),” Mina praises, her voice lazy from the peacefulness and happy from your company. You wanted to reply but your mask was already setting in and you didn’t want to ruin Mina’s work in applying an even coat for you so you settled with humming in return.

When Mina’s mask was done, the two of you resorted to communicating through writing. You both danced to songs with straight faces and helped give each other cute pedicures while waiting for the timer you set up. It was really hard to keep from laughing when you danced to songs, staring at each other with straight faces. You were doing a pretty good job until Mina turned to the side, faced you and started to twerk with the most deadpan face you had ever seen on her.

Naturally, you had a laughing fit, cracking up your dried mask and soon had the pinkette cracking up her mask too when your laughter became too contagious.

“Oh my god! Your face! Your Face!” you wheezed.

“No! Look at your face! HAHAHAHA!” the two of you laughed your butts off until you heard the boys walk into the house from downstairs. You wanted to go and greet them but Mina shook her head and pulled you close, “you wanna do something fun?”

How could you say no?

Now you’re waiting at either side of the door and waiting for one of your four potential victims to pass through and scare the living daylights out of. You were hoping it would be Denki first but from the heavy footsteps and light cordial whistling, you could tell that it was going to be Kirishima…

And, soon enough, the red-head walked into view as you and Mina shared a mischievous look, anticipating his surprise. Just as the red-head was a step or two away, you both jumped out and pulled funny faces to accompany your cracked up face masks.

“Woah!” Kirishima jumped and clutched at his heart but laughed it off like the good sport he is, “You two really scared me there! Haha! Looking cute~” he gives you both a kiss and walks off but not before giving you both a light slap on the butt, “Good luck with the other three~”

Denki was the one that came next and he had the most exaggerated expression; screaming like a little girl. It sets you and Mina off into hysterics as you high-five with the pride of achieving such a funny response. Of course, the blonde didn’t like this or, at least, pretended like he didn’t because his revenge only came in the form of tickles. He too wished you and Mina good luck with the others.

“Next time you two decide to do masks, don’t forget to invite me to join in too!” The electric hero pouts cutely while you and Mina give him kisses of apology before promising to include him in your next face mask session.

Sero didn’t get scared like you hoped. Instead, he grins toothily at you both and leans down to meet your eyes since he’s so tall and gives you both a soft kiss on the lips.

“Nice try cuties,” he chuckles at your adorable pouty faces, having to hold himself back from cooing at you, “if only Denki didn’t come before me and squeal like a little girl,” the three of you laughed loudly before shushing up in anticipation for the final victim as Sero walks off as well.

When the time finally came, Bakugou flinched and Mina didn't miss the opportunity to tease him for it. Naturally, the spiky blonde’s hot-headedness makes him angry and he scoops you and Mina up in both arms before stomping off into the bathroom.

“Wash that stupid mask off already! It’ll dry out your skin!”

So he has been listening to your ramblings about self-care…

Sero has developed the most romantic pastime and, at your shy request, he also takes the time to teach you what he’s been able to learn on his own.

Sat in between his long, outstretched legs, Sero guides you through a melodic arrangement of chords on his acoustic guitar. He is patient and his large hands guide your unpracticed fingers through the movement with a kind warmth. In his dark eyes, there is a soft tenderness reserved only for you in appreciation for your interest in his hobby and the genuine effort you put into doing your best.

It’s already been a few weeks and you’re already a handful of sessions in with him. The start was rough and full of giggles but now you were already able to successfully play a sweet little tune with minimal help from the tape-hero.

Time spent together like this always sets such a comfortable atmosphere that will only be remembered with fondness, at least, it does for Sero. For you, a perfectionist at heart, remain unsatisfied with your nominal progress.

“It’s okay, pretty, no need to push yourself. You have the prettiest little hands so don’t stress too much over being unable to reach the tough chords right away, you’ll adapt over time,” in an attempt to comfort you, he presses a languid kiss to your temple from behind.

“My hands aren’t small!” you stretch out your hands and wiggle your fingers in a feeble attempt to demonstrate your statement.

“Well…” Sero stretches out his own hands to compare his against yours and smirks at the defeated groan you give.

“Your hands aren’t a fair comparison because yours are just abnormally big!”

“And yours are abnormally small…” he teases and tightly wraps his arms around you in order to tame your small tantrum of protest. You’re too cute sometimes, “It’s not a bad thing, Bonita,”

“You make it sound like a bad thing…”

“These pretty hands have done a lot of things. Amazing, incredibly things and now they’re attempting to learn a passion of mine, something they aren’t obligated to do, which, in my opinion…” he holds your hands in his and brings them to his lips, whispering into the skin covering your knuckles, “makes it the most amazing thing they’ve ever done thus far,”

In the silence, Sero presses another kiss against your temple and realises the sudden new heat of your skin. It’s a clear indication of your newly flustered state and makes the signature toothy grin splay out over his lips; you really are the cutest.

“You’re too much sometimes, Hanta,”

“Listen…” he whispers into the skin of your shoulder after already having pulled down your shirt collar for better access, “if you want, you can have free access to my guitar whenever you’re free,” he promises, “even if I’m not around, you can practise as much as you want. You have my express permission,” he kisses your shoulder once more, “surprise me, Bonita,”

Every chance you were able to practise without Sero, you took the opportunity with determination underpinned by your deep desire to surprise him with your solitary progress.

A week or two passes and you’re finally able to repeat the tune that Sero often strums effortlessly on the guitar and you rush to demonstrate your success to him as he is relaxing in a hammock within the garden between two trees.

“Sero! Sero! Look at what I can do!” You call out, giddy with excitement and his guitar in your arms. Stopping before his hammock, you wait for him to sit up with a lazy smile and focus his full attention onto you. You then begin to play with a look of full concentration on your face and triumphantly serenade him with the same romantic tune he’s been subtly serenading you with during each of your guitar sessions.

Once you strum the last tune, he showers you in applause and whistles in glee at your achievement.

“That was amazing! You did so well, come here, Bonita,” he opens his arms for you whilst still in the hammock. With a squeal of happiness, you join him and cuddle up in his arms, the guitar leaning against one of the trees you were nestled between, “I’m so proud of you,” he praises as you kick your legs in happiness, “you’re so cute when you get all giddy like this,” he presses a kiss to the crown of your head and his voice lowers dangerously, “it makes me want to do unspeakable things to you” he laughs as you squeal from the shock and embarrassment his confession brings you, “but, I did make a promise and I’m following strict instructions from Katsuki to be gentle with you. For now, it’s going to have to wait - until then…” Sero lifts your chin up to look deeply into your beautiful eyes and playfully pouts at you, “try to stop being so unintentionally seductive,” he tucks your face into his collar as holds you in an affectionate embrace. A calm wind rocks your cuddled up figures within the hammock and your heart beats in momentary happiness.

You don’t want to admit it but you feel the ominous feeling of being watched once again and quickly make an excuse to return to the house. The excuse you come up with has you mentioning something about remembering the forecast for rain later so Sero gets up soon after you and puts his hammock away whilst taking a mental note of your unusual behaviour to potentially discuss with the others later on.

“How is this possible?!” Denki gapes in astonishment from beside you, his hands clutching at his hair as you smile triumphantly. The blonde has taken you out to his favourite arcade, a secluded treasure tucked away in a quiet alley within the city. He’s a regular who manages to fail at winning any plushies at all the claw machines and yet, here you were winning him a pikachu plushie on your first try.

“Here you go, Denki,” you chirp happily, handing over the Pikachu toy. It suits him so well, he deserves to have it and you’re happy to have made the effort to win it for him.

“How did you do that?” The electric hero almost begs on his knees for some sort of guidance. There’s no way you could have defeated the undefeatable claw machine without having some sort of secret technique or past experiences. He always loses all his tokens trying to win plushies and you make it look so easy. He wants to get you a cute plushie too!

“Haha! I don’t know,” you shrug with a bright smile, “I just know that I wanted to give you that Pikachu toy,” at your answer, Denki forgets all about his jealousy and allows his awe of you to skyrocket. You’re so cute. So very cute!

“Eeep!” you squealed from being swept up in his arms. With your hands on his shoulders, you look down at him as he adoringly stares up at you. There are countless butterflies in your stomach that you try to suppress but it’s no use when you catch sight of his devoted, lovestruck expression.

“You’re too good for me,”

Seeing as the arcade was mostly deserted, you dared to lean down and press a kiss against his awaiting, pink lips, “I could say the same about you,” Denki grins widely at your comment and locks your lips into another kiss.

You offer to win him another plushie but he insists on winning you one himself so as to even the odds. Unfortunately, despite his determination, he ends up losing all his tokens and you were left comforting him on his loses. He was really cute about it though. There was a fire in his eyes that sealed his determination into a pointed focus aimed solely at the claw and the buttons of the machine. It was admirable and his actions alone were worth all the plushies on display put together and more.

“Thank you Denki,”

“For what?” your soulmate deflates and melts into his seat, strawberry slushie cradled in his hands for comfort, “I didn’t win you a plushie even though I used up all of my tokens,”

“You put up a good fight and that was what mattered,” you pressed a soft kiss against his cheek, prompting a bright blush to flourish over his expression.

“I still want to win you a plushie though…” he mumbles under his breath, pouting like a defeated and grumpy child, making him even cuter in your eyes.

“Maybe next time…”

The sinister feeling prodding your senses around every public interaction with your soulmates is just your paranoia. For the most part, you’ve been as careful as possible to keep the intimate interactions private. You need to keep your soulmate's reputation and public image in mind, afterall. They take such good care of you that you should do the same but in your own way. Having multiple soulmates is incredibly taboo and you don’t want to ruin your new found happiness. All you want is to treasure this bliss forever.

NEXT ; BNHA MLIST

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scoonsalicious · 15 days

Text

The Pocket MCU: Avengers 1/?

In Which Pocket Meets the Avengers for the First Time.

Word Count: 1.5k

Scene In-Movie @ 53:45

You offered Couslon a Sour Patch Kid as you walked toward the bridge with him and Tony. You could hear a group talking up ahead, mentioning something about iridium.

“It’s a stabilizing agent,” Tony said, immediately jumping into the conversation.

You continued your conversation with Couslon. “It’s really not a problem, Phil,” you told him. “Take the jet.”

“I’m just saying, pick a weekend,” Tony turned back to add. “I’ll fly you to Portland. Keep love alive.”

You nudged Coulson with your elbow, giving him a reassuring glance. “Think about it,” you offered as you followed Tony onto the bridge. Your eyes lit up when you saw Natasha Romanoff sitting at the table in front of you. “Natty!” you exclaimed, rushing forward to give the spy a hug. It had been ages since you’d last seen her.

“(Y/N)!” she exclaimed, returning your embrace. “Not that I’m not thrilled to see you, but what are you doing here?”

You shrugged and rolled your eyes. “I go where he goes,” you said, gesturing toward Tony.

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” a sandy haired man in a red, white, and blue getup behind Natasha asked. He turned to Coulson. “I thought this was a top-secret situation. Need-to-know, only, and you’re just letting civilians in here?” He gave you a once over, taking in your black leggings and your off-the-shoulder Disney World t-shirt you’d had to tie back with an old hair tie.

“Trust me,” you said, popping another Sour Patch Kid into your mouth as you sized up the man before you who could only be Captain America, himself– Steve Rogers– “you’re gonna be real glad this one’s got his own handler.” You jerked your head in Tony’s direction.

“Hurtful,” Tony called out as he moved toward a row of computers on the bridge. “The iridium means the portal won’t collapse on itself like it did at SHIELD.” He passed a big, beautifully beefy long-haired blond man that looked like he came straight from a viking saga and patted him on the arm. “No hard feelings, Point Break,” he added, “you got a mean swing.”

“Dr. (Y/L/N).” Bruce Banner stepped forward and reached for your hand. Your eyes widened in surprise at being recognized by someone as prestigious as the Bruce Banner as you wiped the sugar on your fingers off on your leggings. “I read your dissertation on examining the ethical considerations and societal implications of developing and deploying advanced technology for global live-saving purposes. Brilliant work.”

“Oh, shit,” you said, blushing as you reached out to shake his hand. “Dr. Banner, thank you. It’s an honor.” Sometimes, you forgot that you, too, had finally managed to snag your PhD. And to be reminded by someone like Bruce Banner was… well, it was fucking flattering.

“This little one is a doctor?” boomed the tall, viking-like god of a man. “She is so small, I feel I could place her in my pocket and abscond away with her home to Asgard before any of you would even notice she was gone!”

“Who is he and can we please let him do that?” you whispered to Nat, who managed to conceal her laugh behind a cough.

“(Y/N), this is Thor. Thor, this is (Y/N). You already know Dr. Banner, and this is Steve Rogers and Maria Hill,” Nat made swift work of the introductions. “(Y/N) is Stark’s–”

“Ward,” Tony interrupted. “She’s my ward. I’m her guardian. It’s very touching, very heartwarming.”

“Chief Technical Officer of Stark Industries,” you amended, shooting him a glare. “Legal adult, thank you very much.”

“Listen, Doctor Pocket,” Tony began, but you interrupted him.

“If this Loki guy gets a hold of iridium,” you began, talking over Tony, “he’ll be able to keep his portal open as wide and stay open as long as he wants.”

“Uh, raise the mizzenmast,” Tony commanded, raising an arm over the bridge. “Jib the topsails.” Everyone on the bridge gave him a confused look. “That man is playing Galaga!” He pointed to a crew member of the helicarrier who was, in fact, playing Galaga. “He thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did.” You rolled your eyes and sighed. Tony needed to be the center of attention at all times, otherwise, he tended to… act out.

Tony proceeded to look around the bridge controls and Tony covered one of his eyes. “How does Fury even see these?”

“He turns,” the woman Nat had introduced as Maria Hill deadpanned.

“Sounds exhausting,” Tony said, running his hands over one of the screens. “The rest of the raw materials, Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily.”

You put a hand on Nat’s shoulder at the mention of Clint’s name and squeezed gently. You knew how much he meant to her, how devastated she’d been when she’d learned he’d been compromised.

“So, the only major component he still needs is a power source of high-energy density,” you added.

“Something to kick-start the Cube,” Tony agreed.

“When did you two become experts in thermonuclear astrophysics?” Hill asked, arms folded across her chest.

“Last night,” Tony replied. At Hill’s disbelieving look, you added:

“The packet. Selvig’s notes. The extraction theory papers.”

“Did no one else do the reading?” Tony asked, exasperated.

“Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?” Captain Rogers asked, trying to get the conversation back on track.

Dr. Banner paced in the background, thinking. “He’d have to head the Cube to 120-million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.”

“Unless,” Tony added, “Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect.”

Banner opened his arms. “Well, if he could do that, he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet.”

“Finally,” Tony said, holding a hand out to Banner. “Someone who speaks English.”

“Hurtful,” you shot back, but Tony just stuck his tongue out at you.

“Is that what just happened?” Captain Rogers asked as Tony and Banner shook hands behind him.

“It’s good to meet you, Dr. Banner,” Tony said. “Your work on antielectron collisions is unparalleled. And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage-monster.”

“Do you want me to book the honeymoon suite for you now, Boss?” you asked with a sardonic grin, “or do you want to wait until the two of you have found a place to register, first?”

“Jealousy is an ugly look on you, Kiddo,” Tony said with a grin. “Daddy can have more than one genius friend.”

You pulled a disgusted face. “I swear to god, if you ever refer to yourself as ‘Daddy’ in my presence again, I will rip that arc reactor from your chest and shove it so far up your ass that you choke on it.”

Tony looked contemplative. “Yeah, yup– I hear it now. Horrible choice of words, totally my fault. My apologies. Never again.”

“Wait,” said Captain Rogers, clearly confused. “I don’t understand. Are you her dad, or–”

“Absolutely not!” you and Tony both shouted at the same time.

“I was hoping you might join Dr. Banner in tracking the Cube,” said a voice from the entranceway to the bridge. You turned and saw Nick Fury enter the room. “That’s Banner’s only purpose for being here.”

“Oh, hey, Nick!” you chirped. “Sour Patch Kid?” You held out your box to the SHIELD Director.

“You got any blue ones?” he asked, to your utmost delight, and you fished through the box to dig out two before placing them in his outstretched palm.

“They’re my favorites,” you told him, smiling. “You’re lucky I like you.” Fury winked at you– or, maybe he just blinked, you couldn’t tell with the eyepatch on– before bringing the candy to his mouth.

Captain Rogers narrowed his eyes at you. “Maybe we should start with that stick of his,” he said, eyeing you up closely. “It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a HYDRA weapon.”

“I don’t know about that,” Nick said, trying not to pucker his face as his Sour Patch Kids proved sour, “but it is powered by the Cube. And I’d like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.”

“Monkeys?” said the sexy viking-man–Thor, you reminded yourself– he had a name! “I do not understand.”

Captain Rogers excitedly pointed a finger. “I do!” he said, and Tony rolled his eyes behind him while you tried to stifle a giggle. “I-- I understood that reference,” Rogers nodded happily, looking to you, as if for approval. You just nodded at him.

“Good for you,” you said.

“Shall we play, doctors?” Tony asked.

“This way, sir, madam,” Banner said, indicating for you and Tony to follow him into the belly of the helicarrier, where no doubt his lab was waiting.

You turned back one last time as you followed the two men, wanting to wave a farewell to Nat before the ship swallowed you up. The second after you turned, you notice Captain Rogers turn quickly turn away from you, a blush coloring the side of his neck.

Huh, you thought as you turned back to follow Banner and Tony. If you hadn’t known any better, you’d have sworn Captain America had just been checking out your ass.

#Pocket MCU #Unwanted Prequels

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whinlatter · 5 months

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i MUST hear your thoughts on "im your man" by mitski and how it's the ginny/harry/sirius trio anthem in "beasts"...must hear

what have you done asking me about this...... a great and terrible mistake........ the air is thick with sirens...........

basically i'm your man is an absolutely perfect song about feeling unworthy and undeserving of the love someone gives you, and a feeling of great dread that one day the other person will realise it and leave. it is - for this reason - so eye-wateringly ginny-sirius-harry coded i simply cannot bear it. that whole album (the land is inhospitable and so are we) is heaven and there are so many songs on it that have been absolutely dynamite for getting the juices flowing with this fic (the frost and star are my hinny anthems for chapter 12 👀)

so i am taking a short dissertation writing break to offer an entirely unhinged rant about i'm your man complete with some mild beasts spoilers because apparently i care a lot about this inexplicably. thank you so much for humouring me!

you're an angel, i'm a dog or you're a dog and i'm your man you believe me like a god i'll destroy you like i am

the first verse plays with the idea that there are three tiers of being - dog, man, angel/god - that all exist in relation to each other. the narrator sings the song to put themselves down. you're an angel, i'm a dog - meaning, i'm lowly nothing compared to your pure divine greatness. in the next line, a twist and advance on that idea: you're a dog (faithful, honest, loyal, loving easily and with such trust) and i'm your man (the one who is responsible for you, who you look to protect and sustain you, who is unworthy of that kind of adoration). you believe me like a god - you trust and believe in my power and ability to take care of you and guide you. but then: i'll destroy you like i am - the only real godlike power the narrator identifies with is the capacity for destruction and ruin.

ok partly it's... you know....... the dog thing because i am very on-the-nose. (obviously sirius as padfoot, but also the distinctions in the wizarding world between beings as the moral civilised entities vs the beasts, the wild and lawless and violent magical creatures). but it's also this suggestion of hero worship and adoration from one character to another, and the object of that kind of love struggling to feel worthy of it and fearing the power it has given them over the other person. it's such a huge vibe for how i'm thinking about these characters !! i feel like it works both for harry and sirius' relationship as well as harry and ginny's: the love and reverence harry has for sirius, when sirius is filled with so much self-loathing and guilt and awareness of his own failings as a parent figure, and the way harry comes to love ginny and think of her as this pure singular light and symbol of all his hopes for a bright and good future, which (i think!) would be a lot for ginny to take on and live up to and feel deserving of. there's even shades of it in how i imagine ginny feels about sirius in the flashbacks - little ginny looking up to sirius like he's a god, hanging off his every word, sirius backing away from being responsible for this child's admiration and desire for guidance from him.

i'm sorry i'm the one you love no one will ever love me like you again so when you leave me, i should die i deserve it, don't i

i mean this is a pure sirius verse imo also with such harry shades to it ('i deserve it don't i' pure ootp harry angst). but i see some of ginny in this too ('i'm sorry i'm the one you love' - her wish that she could just be such cool and chill and easy and trying to live up to this idea harry sometimes as of her as so strong and stoic and able to deal with things, and then her feelings when all that comes crumbling down....)

i can feel it getting near like flashlights coming down the way one day you'll figure me out i'll meet judgment by the hounds

the feeling of being hunted! sirius and harry as wanted men! ginny getting found out and caught in her secrets and half-lies! 'i'll meet judgement by the hounds' god. god

people always gave me love others were never to blame after all you believe me like a god i'll betray you like a man

i think of this verse as the sirius and ginny verse. here the narrator locates the source of their unworthiness internally, not in being deprived of love by others, but in something fundamentally broken and tainted inside them. sirius as a character can't blame a total absence of love for what he's become - he was loved, he blames no-one but himself for the loathing he feels for himself. ginny, too, could not have been more loved, both before the TMR ordeal, but also thereafter - she comes from a family that adores her, she is widely liked and admired; but still, there's something missing in her sense of self. i do not wish to spoil future chapters but yeah this is bit is a Big Mood as we come closer to understanding ginny's war and what it asked of her

in chapters 10 and 11 of beasts, i started to play with this idea of the traitor, of a person who has made a great and terrible choice to betray the people close to them and in doing so revealed a true self that was there all along but lay dormant. so far in the fic, i've tried to thread in a lil drip-drip-drip of questions about the self, who a person really ever is, and about the choices characters make because of their sense of who they are, especially moral choices, in a war and under a regime that must, ethically, be resisted.

of sirius, harry, and ginny, so far it's sirius who knows most about what it is to be a traitor: someone who spent the bulk of his life assumed to be a turncoat, who is consumed by his hatred of wormtail and the memory of his treachery, who can't even begin to grasp the layers and dimensions to his own brother's betrayal, and who fundamentally still thinks of himself as a traitor to his best mate, believing himself to having 'as good as' killed lily and james. harry is the one who's full of trust, throughout the war:

'“No,” Harry said out loud, and they all looked at him, surprised. The firewhisky seemed to have amplified his voice. “I mean . . . if somebody made a mistake,” Harry went on, “and let something slip, I know they didn’t mean to do it. It’s not their fault,” he repeated, again a little louder than he would usually have spoken. “We’ve got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don’t think anyone in this room would ever sell me to Voldemort."'

“No, I think you’re like James,” said Lupin, “who would have regarded it as the height of dishonour to mistrust his friends.” Harry knew what Lupin was getting at: that his father had been betrayed by his friend, Peter Pettigrew. He felt irrationally angry. He wanted to argue, but Lupin had turned away from him...'

ginny, of course, knows what it is to be betrayed - by her first real friend, by her own brother. but i just think these two final lines, the twist on the first verse, are such a huge huge mood for drawing some of these ideas to the surface as the plot inches (v slowly lol) forwards - the idea of a character who has had every faith put in them by someone who loves and believes in them, who fears that they wll buckle under the weight of it and betray that love and trust in terrible ways. to betray you like a man - for the great moral sin to be something inherent to no other creature or being but man - is just such a powerful cool as shit line that is really gettin me going for writing the next bit of this fic.

wow i didn't even know how much i cared about this song but turns out it's a lot???? troubling for me!

#beasts #sirius black #hinny #mitski the woman that you are #that whole album is fire #i got told off for insisting i don't like my mind was a christmas song and sticking it on on christmas day #like sorry it's MY song of worship?#beasts spoilers

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anghraine · 8 months

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Hello! Sorry if this seems out of the blue and naive, but I have to ask: Do you write about P&P on an academic level and if so, is the fact that you write thoughtful near-academic content about it on social media detrimental to that? Basically I am trying to ask this:

Are you allowed to write academically about something after you wrote so much about it on social media? Especially since what you write about it isn’t, you know, “memes”, but textual analysis?

Again, sorry if this sounds weird and ignorant, but I also wrote extensively about my favorite novel on here and I also one day want to write about it on an academic level, but I don’t know if it is “allowed”, so to speak?

Sorry if this is a personal question. You can answer it in private if you want to or ignore it.

Hello! It's no problem.

I've written about P&P for grad school (both in my MA and PhD) and a bit in my dissertation, but much more about Mansfield Park. That's about all I've done with P&P academically. I've actually had more ... let's say, success as externally defined with early modern (Renaissance) stuff, which I also specialized in. So there's that.

But there's also the fact that my style and approach are quite different between academia and fandom. My Tumblr style is probably more academia-adjacent than is usual (partly for autism reasons, to be sure), but it's still comparatively casual for me and integrates fandom conventions far more than my academic work, so even when I talk about ideas that I initially was thinking through in Tumblr posts, I handle the discussion differently in an academic context and tend to advance it very differently.

So there's not much of a connection in terms of my colleagues and there isn't really anyone who's going to say, well, this basic point in the larger discussion was already made in a different context on anghraine dot tumblr dot com, you don't get to talk about it. I do avoid talking about ideas that strike me as really novel or really specific to me on social media, though.

That said, while I've maintained some separation between my Anghraine social media presence and my academic one, a lot of academics rely on social media to publicize their work and engage with other academics (for better and worse) outside the glacial pace of academic publishing.

I used to have a Twitter account for that (before the reign of Musk) and I'd just ramble on about academic stuff, including Austen, and it was usually in respect to Austen that I'd have really interesting conversations with considerably more advanced academics than me. People aren't going to want to share so much that full publications are meaningless, but they do often share enough to participate in academic discourses.

But another factor for me personally is that I actually try to avoid mixing full-throttle academic work and the works I love the most. People talk a lot about finding a way to commodify integrate what you love most into work and making it a kind of vocation, but for me, at least, that does not remotely work. It just drains the joy out of something I used to love.

I could have specialized in sci-fi/fantasy scholarship, for instance, and it would likely have been much easier in some ways, but it would also likely have soured me on SF/F (my great love otherwise). That was one of the main reasons I decided not to do it and instead went with things that interested me quite a bit, but not too much. So I tend to shy away from thoroughly mixing things that are extremely important and joyful for me with academia.

When it comes to stories I love, I kind of relate to them like a dragon with a hoard, you know? Nobody's going to take this from me! So a lot of the things I write about academically have rarely or never shown up in my fandom content because I maintain that bit of distance.

So it can be a bit complicated. I would say that I imagine publicizing some ideas makes them less likely to be published, but at other times, it's helpful in connecting with people and becoming part of academic discourse. It really depends, which is probably not very useful despite the length of this response. But there aren't many people who are in a position to allow or disallow me to write professionally about whatever I want and am professionally equipped to discuss.

#faintingheroine #respuestas #ivory tower blogging #long post #austen blogging

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isombaird · 10 months

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hello everyone, i need some help and i thought this place would be the perfect place to ask. long story short, i am writing about bbc ghosts in my dissertation and i am trying to see if i can interview the six idiots (and potentially other people in the cast). unfortunately i can't contact them directly, and i might try to send emails to their managers but in the meantime i tweeted this with all the information about my dissertation and tagged them, and i was wondering if anyone who is on twitter might help me out by liking/retweeting, and potentially even tagging them in the comments. really sorry to ask! i know it's not very likely that this will happen but hey - worth a try! thank you in advance to anyone who enables my delusional behaviour ❤️

#six idiots #ghosts #bbc ghosts #horrible histories #yonderland #bill (2015)#mathew baynton #mat baynton #simon farnaby #martha howe douglas #jim howick #laurence rickard #larry rickard #ben willbond

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bcbdrums · 6 months

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📂 Go fam HC's?

Thank you for the ask!!!!

First of all, unpopular opinion but I do not headcanon that their names follow the first-letter format. So, no H-name for Hego, no Sh-name for Shego... It's something I just can't stand. I get why people do it, it fits with the KP universe... Still, I just cannot.

But, moving on from that.

This....this is gonna be long. Sorry not sorry. Huge Go fam dissertation under the cut.

Hego (I apologize in advance for the mini-fic you're about to read and that my HC's about the others aren't nearly as broad)

Brendan is his name. I HC a bit of an Incredibles world in his mind from the very beginning of the movie, where he sees all his actions as pure and all "evil" must be stopped no matter what. Has multiple blind spots, and Shego's leaving didn't really do anything to take those away. No, what took those away were his girlfriend... One day he was forced to save a girl from a hit and run without changing into costume, there was no time. And as he was out of costume he had no excuse to vanish. And he didn't want to, seeing this lovely girl with the soft brown hair and kind, inviting eyes that suggested she would hear everything he ever had to say and happily. So he started dating Sarah and eventually told her the truth. He cared enough about her to reveal his secret identity. But the hero world still had its hold on him, and he could never say the L-word to her. And she knew... She knew that he was trapped in that world. So when she went away to college they didn't officially break up, but she just...stopped returning calls or answering letters. And he knew too, after the first few weeks, but he didn't want to admit it to himself... And over time, he found that missing Sarah not only distracted him from hero-work... But it was more important to him. He really, REALLY struggles to wrap his mind around this. His solution however is just to take Shego's parting advice to him... To go to college. So he finally, secretly and sheepishly, enrolls in a university and hopes he'll one day be able to work through whatever it is that he is... Less for himself... And more for the hope that Sarah might still be there when he can make himself worthy of her someday. (This story of Sarah is a WIP I've never finished btw lol maybe I'll be inspired now or maybe I'll be satisfied since I tossed it out into the public finally after like four years.)

Shego

Her name is Rachel. I could have honestly gone with Rhonda or Roxanne, and even now I lean toward Rhonda the most strongly. But Rachel is what I wrote into fic, so that's what I'll stick with. She's possibly the most tragic of the siblings. The only girl in a family of boys who are all so extremely boy. And then the comet... Family falls apart... They're put under the custody and rule of Global Justice, as weapons to be used at their whims. Not all of this is revealed to the children really, but Shego knows. No mother to help her in anything growing up, no real life at all... She wanted to be a cheerleader. She really, really, wanted to be part of that crowd. To do her hair and makeup and nails and wear the uniform and stand on top of the pyramid, to feel like she was flying, but even more to feel that support of the people holding her up--friends who she knew would have her, both in that moment and metaphorically... People she could invite in and trust. But she couldn't have that. She had to have a secret identity. And she had to go out on missions instead of to high school football games. So it was a dream never realized. She finally DID leave though, went to college, chose teaching mostly because the only worlds she knew were GJ hero-work and...going to school. Nothing else existed in her life. She tried to get custody of her younger brothers, but it never worked out. And the teaching... She was simply a fish out of water. She tried. She genuinely, truly, tried to be a normal person for about a year out of college. But she had no skills, no support, and didn't know how to ask for help and even if she did...wouldn't have known what to ask. So she left. She gave on on hero work and gave up on being normal. The only freedom at all was in a blue-skinned man who didn't know her name when she walked into the room. She wasn't the celebrity. She was a stranger to him, and finally for the first time in her life had a fully clean slate. She could finally find and make herself, and did so at the side of another person who life had done dirty, and who never, ever judged her for anything at all. It was the first thing about Drakken that made her look at him more closely, and she learned how to be a friend, an enemy, a family, and a life partner through him.

Mego

His name is Brody. I just see tall wiry guys with that name. Maybe cuz of Adrien Brody lol I only just realized that connection, that's exactly the reason. Anyway. Uh. Actually... I got nothing. I had zero feelings for this character when watching the show and anything I have right now is just whatever is in my fic "Forget the Days Gone By" which I don't remember and I'm too lazy to link sorry and...yeah this is just not a character I care about. The one who cares about him is @gothicthundra and anything I could try to say about him here would just be her fantastic headcanons, sooooooo ask her haha.

Wego

Names are Dylan and Alex. Dylan after one of the Sprouse brothers and Alex after one of the twin bro characters on Full House. Yeah that's it for these two as well. I got nothing. Except well...I guess since they were given their powers and sucked into being heroes at infancy, they'd be the most deluded and have the most to gain from escaping it all someday. And I headcanon that Shego adores them and wants to take them away but she never could, Hego and GJ (the evil overlords responsible for Team Go in my headcanon) would never allow it... Yeah sorry I am just into into them.

All right I'm not as lazy as I thought. Here is my Team Go backstory/Shego backstory fic, Forget the Days Gone By. Sorry this lost steam halfway through. I'm just not into Team Go.

#kim possible #team go #hego #shego #mego #wego

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donnerpartyofone · 5 months

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your posts about self esteem were really interesting. I hope you don't mind if I ask, but do you struggle with empathy? I've got friends in psychology who say self compassion is correlated to compassion for others, so often low empathy = poor self image. Social skills are often hampered by conditions like autism, and compassion is social.

Thank you for this provocative question, anon! I like that you say those posts were "interesting" instead of like, sad or delusional or something. I had to start blocking people who were compelled to tell me what to think or how to feel about myself, or who thought they were helping by denying the nature of what I was reporting. A few people recently had a more thoughtful or inquisitive reaction and I found that really refreshing.

Apologies in advance for this long dissertation on ME, but I'm glad you asked this specific question because it relates to something that came up recently that I think is important to talk about. More below the break so I don't ruin everyone's dash.

First of all I think I do not struggle with empathy; if anything I seem to have a hyperactive sensitivity to other people's moods and dispositions. One of the reasons parties are hard for me is that it takes a lot of energy to be immersed in other people's, uh, "vibes" or "auras"--please don't take anything mystical from my word choice, it's just hard to describe otherwise. I start syncing with other people to make myself less weird and off-putting (who knows how much I'm succeeding!), and then I need a lot of solitude to get back to my baseline. I'm very concerned with how other people feel, which is why I've been so good in hospitality-related jobs. But I'm sure this is related to the fact that I have major boundary issues, I get so hung up on how other people (seem to) feel that it can make it hard for me to assert myself until someone has pushed me way over the edge.

But I guess there's a limit re: the "reading social cues" bit. I *think* I read the room pretty well most of the time (I must! For my survival!), but I have a history of taking people at their word too much and not noticing that someone has bad intentions until it's too late. Maybe there's a certain amount of literalism going on. Like a really simple example is, I have a hard time with the concept of being "fashionably late"; if a party starts at 8, I will arrive anxiously right at 8, and there's a good chance that I will get there at like 7:57 and lurk on your front steps until the clock turns 8 BECAUSE YOU SAID 8, YOU MUST HAVE MEANT 8. I have finally learned that nobody really likes this unless they're my best friend or something, but I can't tell myself "Just relax and get there when you get there," that's too confusing, I have to say "We will now arrive at 8:20 because this is the secret code of party start times." That's a benign sort of dysfunction, but another version of that is, my boyfriend says he loves me and he doesn't want to break up. Actually he cheats on me all the time and screams at me and scares me, but because he like *technically* loves me and doesn't want to break up because that's what he literally said, my stupid brain thinks that's the rule and the other manifestations of his feelings must be anomalous, and then I'm in a really bad relationship for a long time because I just don't see the subtext until I'm really being beaten over the head with it. There have been a lot of times where I acted like I was legally obligated to come to an understanding of what someone else thinks and feels, when it would have been more rational to say, "This person is being an asshole, it doesn't matter why, I'm ditching."

I *think* this is related to your question about empathy, sorry if I'm being crazy.

So now for your question about self-compassion: I'm grateful for your prompt because I just had an argument about this with someone I love, and I don't think I did a good job of explaining it. I've also fielded some other feedback around these parts that was suggestive of the same idea, which is like: If I say that Behavior X is a crime when I do it, it must mean that Behavior X is an equally punishable crime when someone else does it, so therefore it is rude and inhumane of me to be mad at myself. This argument is missing a consideration of both context, and what exactly criminalizes Behavior X. The first note to make is that Behavior X is usually something that is NOT destructive when it happens just once in a while, innocently--but It becomes a big problem when it happens all the fucking time, like an infestation. If I "innocently" fumble something 50 times a day, that has a much more destructive effect than you making the same mistake just-sometimes. But let's say you DO make the same mistake a lot, so you still feel accused by my personal self-loathing. Now we get to the more important question of what or who is affected by the behavior. I feel sorry for people whose quirks and compulsions and such make their lives hard, obviously I relate! However, if those people came to my house and started doing their quirks and compulsions TO ME, then that's a different thing entirely.

Let's do some examples: If I complain about my weight, that's not the same as saying all fat people suck. What I'm really complaining about is the impact of weight on my own life, the negative effect on my social currency, my inability to find comfortable and attractive clothes, etc. I'm complaining about having to fight with doctors who think BMI gives them a free pass not to treat people, and also about genuine health problems I might struggle with. So my feeling about my own weight really has nothing to do with my feelings about other people's weight, I'm really reacting to my own personal discomfort, which is related to a whole complex of things, but none of those things is truly equivalent to complaining about fat people in general. Similarly, when I complain here about being stupid, I'm not assigning a moral quality to human stupidity, I'm really complaining about the effect of my personal stupidity on my own life. I do believe that there must be something cognitive or neurological going on with me so maybe I can't totally help what I'm like, but I find it impossible not to react to how my own stupidity makes it extremely hard to get through my day. It makes it scary to wake up in the morning. There are so many normal things that I either have to do over and over and over again, or that someone else actually has to do FOR me, which is humiliating and makes me feel hopeless (even though I'm glad for the help because what would I do without it?). Sometimes my life feels like fucking Groundhog Day, it feels like I'm achieving a fraction of what a normal person does in a lifetime, because everything takes me so many tries or is impossible to ever get past. I feel sorry for other people who go through the same stuff, but to me, that's totally separate from how I feel about myself. I hate myself NOT because I am a certain kind of person or because I did something that is objectively a sin, but because I, personally, am the reason I'm suffering and failing. This is not at all abstract or generalizing, it's something I'm forced to deal with, materially, every day. It's just too much to ask, for me to pity myself every single time I fuck myself over yet again. What can I say, I'm not a saint!

So I hope that sort of addresses your question! One of the reasons I get so upset when someone tries to make excuses for my behavior, or suggests that I am just exaggerating because I'm down on myself, is that if I can't have honesty about what goes on with me, then I can't ever get clarity about WHY this stuff is going on. If I agree to the premise that the 25 bad, destructive things I did today were "just because" I was distracted, or flustered, or overworked, or it was an innocent mistake, or it was someone else's fault, or it was a random coincidence, or an act of god, or I just need to learn the right way, or I just need to try harder, or I just have to have a better attitude, et al ad nauseum--that is, if I accept excuses instead of acknowledging a persistent pattern, then I might not ever get to the point of having a useful, explanatory diagnosis like ADHD or autism or...whatever is specifically going on with me. And I mean whatever happens, I WILL always try harder to improve myself, even if sometimes that feels like not learning from history. But it's becoming kind of obvious that a lot of the arguments I have with people could probably be cut off at the pass if I had a note from a doctor that said SEE? I'M REALLY JUST LIKE-THIS. I don't know what I'm going to do about that, with the Adderall shortage and what I'm told is the difficulty of getting an adult autism diagnosis. And like I'd hate to test for autism (or whatever) and have it come back ambiguous, it might make me feel like I'm "just fucking stupid" and I don't have a real problem, and it could also be problematic for these conversations I keep having with people who think I'm basically imagining the whole thing and just being "hard on myself". But I don't know, I think diagnosis may become a bigger focus for me in 2024.

Anyway. Thanks for reading this monstrosity if you did, and thanks for being thoughtful about my depression posting. It's refreshing.

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belethlegwen · 1 year

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For full disclosure the loser of this poll will be thrown into a volcano sorry I don't make the rules

You can leave your defenses and dissertations in reblogs and tags or comments it will not save your losing horse from the molten glue factory

#polls #poll #Nintendo #Gaming #I gotta know people's thoughts on this #The 3DS has to be my most played console probably ever #Between wireless and online and just the overall portability of it it really has no equal #Fuckin streetpass bitches #Y'all jealous of how many puzzles I had completed #If my Switch could send my mii to wave and say something dumb to people we passed while it slept I'd take that fucker outside more

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spookyserenades · 3 months

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ooh, i can imagine now: hobi likes mc but he discovered that she's woth yoongi and that's it, he thinks he doesn't have a chance. So he start reaaaally accepting and responding to alice flirting and advances, bc why not? But then mc starts acting a bit weird bc she do likes him but now he's with alice, and there's a ugly feeling and jealousy but she cant say shit bc alice doesn't know how she feels and now of course mc wont tell shit bc alice and hobi are together and it would be terrible to say "hey, im in love with hobi since the beginning" bc she's been hiding it. And maybe this will even affect mc friendship with alice, not bc she want it, but bc she cant really control how she feels and it brings maybe a bit of shame? Bc she love both of them but deep inside she wants to scream back off he's mine? Aaaaa sorry for the long message im just really screaming with this chapter (and i just talked about one topic, i could make a dissertation about all the boys vs mc) anyway, love your writing!!!

Ghostie

OOOH I like your theories, Ghostie!

Hoseok is an interesting character. He waited most of his life to break free from the adoption system, whether escaping from it or actually being adopted. I think that's why he has such an easy time recovering from awkward or tense situations; he's unwilling to risk being abandoned for causing "problems", and doesn't want to rock the boat. I think, as well, he sees Y/N as a kindred spirit, both of them being more extroverted and witty, so he really doesn't want to upset her-- hence why he accepted her and Yoongi being together so quickly. I'm not sure if Hoseok realizes that he has romantic feelings towards her yet. I've written him charming and flirty purposefully, and I think that he flirts with Alice for fun, but who knows? Now that Y/N is with Yoongi, perhaps Hoseok will dial up the flirting with her friend a notch, I suppose we'll see!

Y/N and Alice's friendship is pretty solid. I think in the next few updates, she'll reveal how she feels about all the hybrids to Laura and Alice, and the twins will be a good support system 💜

Thank you for reading and sending me such a sweet compliment! I love hearing new theories, too. Kisses!!!

#i think abt that gif once a day toooo #ghostie #spoilers #trouvaille #asks #dana's thoughts

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arom-com · 1 year

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hi hope this is ok but i've seen sooo many of ur posts tagged as renbrand and i am ... perhaps .... a little curious .... would u like to tell me abt them !!!! 👀👀 (its ok if not ofc)

Ofc!! I sure have been tagging them a lot huh

The short version is that they’re my unhinged lesbian ocs stuck in a murder timeloop

Longer version is this:

(I am not going to be able to explain this in any way approaching coherent) (but I will try!!) (sorry in advance for the Wall of Text)

So RenBrand stands for these two:

Ren Hayashi (23, she/they) university student studying criminal psychology, abandonment issues out the wazoo, Going Through It

Brand Reitveld (26, she/her) local gang leader, Control Issues TM, definitely the cat in whatever cat-and-mouse thing they have going on

They’re in love — it’s not even remotely healthy.

Basically, through no fault of their own, they got stuck in a long-form time loop (days/months rather than strict 24h) that resets whenever one of them dies, which wouldn’t be too much of an issue? Except a) they’ve never met and don’t know they’re stuck together, and b) Ren keeps getting fucking murdered

Bc!! Ren’s psychology prof is running a secret cult (trying to turn his crim psy students into serial killers, it’s a whole thing, very cringe of him) so she gets killed for accidentally getting in the way a couple times (she doesn’t know about the cult), and then ofc starts investigating, which only makes it worse (I feel so bad for her but it’s also really funny, saddest most pathetic sopping wet oc I’ve ever created)

(Some of Ren’s deaths are also caused by Brand who’s like listen I don’t have a grudge against you or anything but you do keep getting my people killed so I have to eliminate the threat, no hard feelings! And Ren is like I am in abject misery)

(strangers to enemies to lovers except the strangers to enemies is a speedrun and the enemies to lovers is a slow burn)

The story they’re from is sort of a dark mystery-slash-romance (think nbc hannibal meets groundhog day, which is certainly a sentence), and it’s mainly centred around Ren and her corruption arc as she goes from “tired student just trying to finish her dissertation if it kills her” to “codependent mob-wife who kills first and asks questions later”

I’m obsessed with time as a narrative device, and especially time loops, because it can be used in such interesting ways!! And the interesting part about time loops to me is that they’re like,,,,, rube goldberg machines for character development? You only stick a character in a time loop when you need them to undergo a pretty drastic change without a proper catalyst, and it forces them to wear themselves down to their bones, to find the very essence of what they are, and then build themselves back up again into their ideal and purest form of self. (Of course, some people just use them as a tool for romance, but that’s boring!! Boo)

Usually time loops exist to make a character better, because they’re given some kind of epiphany that makes them the best and kindest version of themselves. (Alternatively, they can be used as the cosmic equivalent of a washing machine spin cycle if you’re writing horror) But what interests Me is the idea of using a time loop to make a character worse, which is what I’m doing to Ren (and to a lesser extent, Brand)

And it’s not just corruption for corruption’s sake, either! Ren, as she is, is miserable — she’s completely isolated, unable to achieve any of her goals, and ultimately ends up getting killed in an impersonal way for impersonal reasons — but once the loop begins and she gets her second chance, she starts to wear away at all her self-imposed barriers and boundaries until she can start making her own decisions and being an active agent in her own life. Of course, she’s not choosing to do good, but the best version of herself is not necessarily Good or Kind, it’s just Authentic.

Brand, on the other hand — because she has more support and isn’t as repressed — is experiencing the time loop less as a vehicle for character development, and more as a perpetual time travel fix-it (which is SO fun, having two characters get wildly different outcomes from the same experience). Her problems are more interpersonal rather than internal, so where Ren is using the extra time to understand herself, Brand uses it to understand the world around her (and is thus doing a much better job at actually solving the plot, we love a girlboss).

Brand’s conflicts are with her brother (who I can’t even Begin to explain without adding another thousand words to this post), and (as the leader of the local gang) with the police & the murder cult, which means that a lot of her loops are spent information-gathering (and murdering, dw abt it)

Personality-wise Ren is pretty quiet, she doesn’t like to ask for things which means she gets into miscommunications a lot (people not helping when she wishes they would, people helping when she doesn’t need it bc they think she just doesn’t want to ask), she’s a very “the only one you can rely on is yourself” kind of person, which isn’t exactly ideal for someone you’re stuck in a time loop with but at least it means she never gives up? She also doesn’t really care what people think of her — or rather, she does care, but she doesn’t let it stop her

Brand is suffering from a lethal combination of being the youngest sibling and simultaneously the eldest daughter, so she’s great at asking for help and using her resources but it means that she a) is a little entitled about it, and b) needs to feel like she has perfect control over everything or she’ll die. She’s very possessive and protective over things that she considers hers (hence murdering Ren for getting her people killed, it’s fine they get over it)

Renbrand also come equipped with two sets of narrative foils (Brand’s disabled ex-ballet dancer brother and his bodyguard/love interest, and the cult leader professor and his prized pupil who both hates and loves him for what he’s become) but the word count on this is already obscenely, embarrassingly long so I’ll talk abt them another day maybe

#ok!!! that should be enough for now #renbrand #scattered-winter #asks #half of this is just meta about time loops I’m so sorry #feel free to ask more questions!! clearly I can’t shut up abt them #I’ve drawn brand I think twice? both should be under my art tag on my side acct #but yeah that’s the basics #calling them renbrand like rembrandt bc im so clever (joking)#I would do a rembrandt style painting of them if shading and I weren't mortal enemies #[clenches fist] god I love time as a narrative device #love making a character experience all their worst moments again while also giving them the opportunity to change #god. wait. loreliese as the degas ballerinas I'm SO clever #okay okay shutting up now #hope this answers your question!!!#edited bc when I was transferring this over it SKIPPED A PARAGRAPH fucking christ #so yeah if the mention of the murder cult out of the blue confused anyone… that’s why #attys yapping ✨🌷💞

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