#sorry this took forever I’ve had some art block!!

[woyms]

for the gazebos request: Hey Kid, dancing!

They’re playing just dance~

Gertrude is surprisingly good at it!

[mae-gi-writes]

Yūgen | Sunwoo (The Boyz)

Yugen (n.) a profound, mysterious sense of the beauty of the universe that triggers a deep, emotional response. 

Requested by anon! In which Sunwoo, the ace of the volleyball team, is curious about what you’re drawing all the time. Until one day, he stumbles upon a drawing of himself made from yours truly. 

Genre: fluff, volleyball player! Sunwoo and art student reader, shy love, softness, and inspired by haikyuu because I have been obssessed with the anime lately TT__TT  A/N: It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve posted here! Slowly but surely, I’m going through my inbox and replying to your requests. Thank you for your patience, stay safe loves, ily all xx 

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Sunwoo wasn't artistically inclined.

But that never stopped him from admiring those that were. He was always so curious as to how just a flick of fingers managed to create a shadow, or how just one glance at a subject made it through onto paper without so much as an effort to remember the details. It was like it was automatically recorded into one's brain, hands already registered to mimic the curves and the folds and the shadows that turned into nothing short of a miraculous piece. So when he caught sight of someone drawing, it always piqued his interest. He stumbled upon you one late afternoon after his volleyball practice, with sweat dotting his forehead and his training bag slung casually over his shoulder. He was about to direct his way to the parking lot upon exiting the gymnasium, only to spot a lone figure huddled upon the bleachers and curled into a ball that caused Sunwoo to frown. Slowly sidling up to the stranger in question and peeking over the railing to catch a glimpse of your face, his eyes are instantly driven to the sketchpad in your hands.

You didn't notice him though, so absorbed in your own world with earphones blocking out reality that a tsunami could've gone unnoticed. So Sunwoo took advantage to climb over onto the opposite bleacher and, after ensuring that your back wouldn't turn to greet him, leaned over the separation to catch sight of a lone figure cartwheeling freely over the page. Woah. You were talented alright. There was nothing else to describe the fluidity of movement you caught with your pencil. It made Sunwoo's breath catch in his throat. He had the sudden urge to know exactly what kind of face hid behind the visual mastery manifesting before his very eyes. After all, there must be other things for them to see rather than the boring literal reality that most people settled for. What kind of imageries were they creating in their heads? What beautiful stories were they crafting? Worlds they got lost in? You moved then, causing Sunwoo to jolt back and scurry away with his heart beating out of his chest, deciding that it was enough spying for the day. After that day, he made sure to seek you out every time after practice although he noticed you never strayed too long in the same place, always moving about like a shadow lingering in the corner, invisible yet omniscient. Sometimes you would find a quiet spot in a patch of sunlight by the tennis courts. Sometimes you'd be found on the bleachers, alert eyes observing every pass, every move, every twist of a body like  camera taking everything in. Sunwoo never approached you. Not that he didn't want to, but he found it awkward to just come up to you and present himself as the guy who'd been stalking your drawings. So he admired you from afar instead, relished in the passion of your dark coffee coloured eyes and in the attentive focus dipping your eyebrows in a soft frown, lips paeted slightly in concentration. "Do you know her?" He'd asked one of his friends from the volleyball team once, during their lunch break as he saw you line up at the cafeteria. Changmin took a peek at your face before he shook his head, "she might be in one of my electives." "Which one?" "I think it's art." Sunwoo forced his face to remain in a mask of calmness as he grabbed a steak sandwich, no fries, "do you know her name?" "Nah. I don't think she's ever spoken in class," Changmin's eyebrows quirk up then, "why'd you ask?" "No reason." Changmin's pointed look defined anything but that.  Although he did have the decency to drop the subject as soon as the rest of the volleyball team joined the table. Sunwoo got his answer a few days later when he practically toppled over you and your drawing crayons. It was his mistake. He'd been leaning too far out from the top of the basketball bleachers, struggling to get even the smidgest glimpse of what amazing piece of art hiding under your jacket sleeve, only for his foot to slip. Down he went with a curse, crashing straight into your body and quickly scrabbling to wrap his arms around your head, a pathetic attempt to cushion your fall as you fell into a heap in front of the bleachers. "You--you okay?" He huffed out, breathless and heart beating like a time bomb. Pulling his arms away slowly, gently, he finally met your gaze straight on and --oh my, your eyes were not coffee coloured at all.  But more of a honey-brown, wide open and framed by soft lashes. Currently dilated in panic. "I'm fine! What--What about you? Oh gosh, I'm so sorry--" "No it was my fault," he made a grab for your sketchbook and scattered pens only for his orbs to register the face messily etched onto the paper. His breath caught. For a minute, he could do nothing but stare at the replica of his face made in charcoal. Those were his eyes, his slightly crooked nose. The scowl he wore during his soccer matches. That was him. The resemblance was akin to that of perfection. That was before your hands snatched away the sketchbook before you quickly slammed it closed, cheeks blazing red, "that's-- I swear I"m not a creep, I-- I just do that for practice--" "It's amazing." Your head-- which had been bowed this entire time for fear that anger would be his response -- shot up in surprise, "what?" "It's amazing," Sunwoo repeated. He wouldn't mind repeating it forever, he realized, if that meant he got to see that aforable blush of yours. He reached out with his hand, "can I look at it again?" So you allowed him after some slight hesitation, and if he noticed, he didn't comment. Fingers brushing against yours slightly, he handled the sketchbook with utmost care as he flipped through the pages with child-like awe. He'd seen your drawings, sure, but mere glimpses here and there, a sneak peek, always accompanied with the fear of being found. But now, he could take his time and actually relish in the soft tracings of your crayon, admire the gentle shadings that made up the tip of his nose. You had managed to capture that frown -- the one he used whenever he concentrated -- to perfection and for a minute he swore he'd fallen in love with himself. "You're really good," he murmured, though that definitely banalized the array of praises popping through his head, "you should keep doing them. I mean it." "So, you're not--" you paused, "mad?" "Well I think you'd have more reason to be mad if you knew I was stalking you from before." "What?" Oh Sunwoo, you idiot. Your eyes had tripled their size and you were looking at him like he'd just grown a second head. He lifted his hands as defence, "that sounded so much better in my head. I swear I'm not that creepy, or a stalker, I just--well you're always drawing and I got curious but I can't really come over and tell you to show me so I had to hide and peek and--" You burst out laughing in his face and despite the fact that he was the cause, he couldn't help joining in with a small chuckle, a grin spreading across his features at how alive you looked at this very moment. "You can ask me next time," your grin settled into a soft smile, "I don't bite." "Your words, not mine," he said, tone lighter and teasing. He helped you gather your belongings and as the pair of you started towards the school gates, he asked for your name. "Y/N," you answered, "and you?" "Sunwoo," he noticed the sky was darkening into purple, a sign that twilight was approaching. Usually, he'd be in a hurry to catch the last bus of the evening to avoid the pain of traffic after six. But it was like his body was slowing down on its own to join your pace, as if he was automatically tuning in to the rhythm of your steps. He found he didn't mind. "So why athletes? Any special reason why you like drawing them?" He asked as you reached the gates. "I just like watching the way they move. It's ...graceful," a hand went to rub the back of your neck, "and they come in handy for figure practice." "I mean, we're not that graceful when you're on the pitch ready to get blown away," he chuckled, "but thanks. At least we know we don't play like animals." "Oh god no. The volleyball team's pretty good. The rugby team on the other hand..." you sigh before you shake your head, "that team is nearly impossible to draw." His shoulders shook as he laughed, "well I don't think they aim for graceful. They look like a pack of wild dogs. Even I don't understand how they play." You had reached the said bus stop by then before you spotted your mother's car along the sidewalk, "oh, my mom's here," you turn to him, "where do you live? Maybe we can drop you--" Meeting your mom? On the first day of meeting you? Sunwoo's hands flew up, shaking them wildly in response, "oh no no, that's not necessary. I'll see you tomorrow!" Thank god for the bus that pulled up at the right time so that he didn't have to linger longer than he needed to. But he didn't miss the small wave of your hand as you watched him go, the smile on your face warming his heart even when it was one of the coldest winter days of the year. From that day onwards, Sunwoo made it a must to make his presence known whenever you were deep in your sketches, always observing, sometimes silently keeping you company and sometimes getting so wrapped up in conversation that your pens would lay forgotten by your bag as you bantered back and forth about subjects that would've made people throw you looks of concern. It became routine to have Sunwoo's head pop up from behind the bleachers or to see him walk up the path to your special hiding spot, right where your gaze would meet the tennis court. You sketched him more and more, folding your drawings into your bag so that he wouldn't see although the urge to catch his face on paper was a growing addiction you couldn't ignore. Even your friends had noticed his lingering presence, proceeding to prod you with questions reflecting their curiosity. "He's from the vòlleyball team isn't he?" Yeji asked one time during lunch, upon noticing the way the said young man's stare lingered over the back of your head before turning away just as quickly, "do you know him?" "We've spoken once or twice." "How do you know him?" Your other friend, Saeron, nudged you with a wriggle of her brows. You brushed her teasing away, "we bumped into each other and then he saw my drawings." "Oh right, you do sketch athletes," Yeji leaned forward, mouth full of bread, "did you sketch him?" "I did, actually." "Oh awkward," Saeron giggled, "he's handsome though, can't deny that. You gotta introduce us sometime." You mumbled out an agreement even though you sat with them just for the sake of having people around. It wasn't that you didn't appreciate them. You did. But they seemed to speak a language you couldn't quite grasp. You would rather sit in your own silence, enjoy your own company if that made sense. Maybe that was why it was so surprising, that you allowed Sunwoo to linger as long as he wanted to. There was something authentic about the way he reacted to your words, an unguarded expression that made you comfortable enough to speak up without fear of judgment. Spending time with Sunwoo was listening to water trickle down the river. Smooth and free. Peaceful. But Sunwoo seldom knew of your high regards, was not aware of the tiny sketch of his figure in mid-spike that was hidden in the pocket of your school skirt so that you could take a peek whenever you felt out of place or nervous. It calmed you down to admire his composure, even if his expression was a mere mimic that could not replace reality. "Do you have any material in particular that you like to use?" Sunwoo asked one cloudy afternoon, breaking the silence while huddling a little closer to peek at your newest sketch of Lee Juyeon; a basketball star player known for his quick reflexes and adept playing style. Not only was his skill on par with that of a Nationals team, but his looks had garnered him quite a fanbase from the get-go. Sunwoo would've liked to say that he wasn't jealous of the way your thumb gently applied shade to Juyeon's lower lip. But the spike in the middle of his chest proved him otherwise. "I like charcoal the most, it's the easiest to work with," pausing to admire your work, your eyes glanced over at him, "do you draw?" He scoffed, "like a five year old." "Wanna try?" "No way. I'll ruin it. I'm okay with admiring it from afar." You hummed an unknown tune as you pulled back your sketchbook, "how is practice?" "Alright. Could be better. We won a practice match last week so we're kind of taking it easy." "That's good though isn't it?" Your gaze met his. His eyes were various gradients of warm maroon and you wished-- at this very moment -- to paint his features into memory. That was when you realized how close you were. You shuffled slightly back and didn't notice the frown Sunwoo threw you in response, "it is. And I'm happy we get to rest. The team deserves it." "You're pursuing it in College?" Your eyes tried not to linger too much over his lips, "volleyball, I mean." "Depends," he smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes, "if we make it to the Nationals." "You will." "Someone's confident," he chuckled. "Well I'm no pro but even I can tell you're talented, Sunwoo," you peeked at him from behind your fringe, glad that you could blame the cold for your red cheeks when just the intensity and closeness of his entity made you want to squirm, "so if there's anyone who can do it, it's you." It was impossible to keep eye contact after such a confession. You lowered your gaze, glad for your sketchbook that acted as a distraction. It was at that very moment that the paper tucked so neatly in your pocket slipped out, causing Sunwoo to quickly make a grab for it. You made a noise of protest before trying to snatch it back, but the boy only chuckled before unfolding the creased page so that there he was, depicted in all his glory. "Is that--" his voice was hoarse and you took this as your chance to steal it from his grasp, reddened cheeks burning and fingers shaking as you folded it back to its tiny square shape, "is that me?" "Y--yes." "You--you keep that with you?" "I--I do," you lifted your chin up defiantly, though you felt your limbs trembling. His eyes, they pierced your own, piecing together a coherence that caused your stomach to fill with butterflies. When he spoke next, his words were a mere murmur. "Why?" "I--I don't know," eyes darting towards the ground, you mumbled, "I just like watching you...play." A pause. Then, Sunwoo shifted a little bit closer. "You like watching me play? Or do you like," he cocked his head, "watching me?" If you were red before then you were probably the colour of a fire engine truck by now. Averting your eyes and turning your head away were instinctive responses due to the blood rushing through your face. "Stop flirting with me," came your mumble. Laughing softly in response, he scooted himself a little closer, so close that his shoulder brushed your back. He leaned over, head tilted to catch your expression. "Cute," his lips broke out in a crooked grin and you swore you felt your heart explode. Flustered, you shoved him away out of instinct but he wasn't having any of that. His hand grabbed your wrists and with a yelp, you were dragged even closer to his chest. "You like looking at me that much huh?" His tone was teasing while his eyes glimmered with playful mischief, "why is that,Y/N?" "You ask as if you don't know," you mumbled out through jumbled words and you were glad he actually understood you. But instead of laughing some more, his features softened into a smile instead as he proceeded to gaze down at you with an expression you couldn't quite place. It was in your normal behaviour to admire people. Not the other way around. And at this very moment, you felt way out of your comfort zone. "I don't know." Your orbs flew up to his in surprise and what you found in those coffee-coloured pupils made your breath stutter, heat coiling through your abdomen. "It...it calms me down," your whisper was barely louder than a breath but by the way Sunwoo's smile widens to reach his eyes, you could tell he heard you just fine. "I like watching you too," he replied. A strand of your hair caught in the wind and he raised his hand to curl it around the back of your ear, his touch ghosting with sparks wherever flesh bumped into flesh. You felt warm. He didn't pull away. Didn't bother hiding the slight dust of pink in his cheeks either, as he slowly allowed his palm to cradle the side of your face. Gently. As if he feared you might run away, recoil back. But you didn't. Even with your breaths going staccato, even if your heart felt like a wild animal. You calmed yourself down with the knowledge that he seemed just as nervous as you were and suddenly, out of a stroke of boldness, your hand went up to hold on to his, pressing it close to your cheek. His breath hitched. You shivered. The wind blew against your figures, a gentle reminder that the day was coming to an end. You weren't exactly sure what changed that day. There were no verbal agreements, nothing that suggested your relationship had changed. Yet, the subtle touches of his hand against your back, your shoulders, moving your hair from one shoulder to another, complemented by his gentle doe-eyed stare that made your toes curl, these changes were small, but significant. And you couldn't find it in your heart to say that you disliked it. What are we? The words lingered at the tip of your tongue, as bitter as the aftertaste of coffee as you stole small glances in his direction. You were sitting comfortably under a tree that overlooked the tennis court where Sunwoo had decided to join you. He'd fallen asleep halfway through your beginning sketch and was now leaning against the tree trunk, face relaxed and body leaned towards yours, close enough that you could admire his face. Countless hours you had spent tracing Sunwoo's features on paper. Countless times you had imagined tracing his lips with your thumb, wondered whether they were as soft as they looked. Maybe it was just curiosity or maybe you had let him walk into your heart so easily that you hadn't realized it yourself. But if there was one thing you could swear your heart upon it would be that you could no longer imagine every day without Sunwoo's presence at your side. As if on instinct, your fingers took a life of their own as they reached up to push a few strands away from his face. They gently carved a path down his cheek, landing at the corner of his jaw. Dangerously close to his open mouth. There was no denying it. Sunwoo was beautiful. Handsome. Had those features on par to that of a model's. You were so focused on edging your way to touch his lower lip that you didn't realize you had been staring, until you glanced up to see his brown orbs fixated on yours. You froze. Shit. "Like what you see?" He murmured. Then, before you could scramble back and probably run with your tail between your legs, his own hand grasped your own and he pushed himself off the trunk before his head angled towards yours, finding your lips. Soft. Sunwoo's lips were soft. You panicked. Not used to the closeness. The fire that sparked between your lids. But his other hand went to clasp your jaw, holding you close as he kissed your next protest away and unconsciously brushing his thumb against your cheek. Shivering in his touch, there was no running away from the way his mouth molded against yours so snugly, and you didn’t want to. You found yourself addicted to the sweet pressure of his upper lip meeting your lower ones and soon enough -- without realizing -- you melted into his touch. 

Sunwoo made a noise that sounded like a soft grunt, his other hand lacing around your waist to pull you closer so that you tumbled halfway into his lap. With embarrassment suddenly flooding through you, you let out a squeak that he answered with a chuckle of his own before distracting you once more with a series of kisses that left you gasping.

Your hands, initially balled into fists in your lap, went to rest against his chest and you didn’t realize that you were gripping onto his school shirt until you parted for air. Only were you aware of your compromising position, of the hard ridges of the young man’s thighs, of the firmness of his chest against your palms, of the way he seemed to be so much bigger than you even though he was a lean athlete, meant to be light and as speedy as the wind. 

Breaths coming out ragged, you tried to slow the beating of your heart. Though it seemed to be quite the challenge, given how lovingly, how intense, Sunwoo seemed to be in making love to your neck, nibbling on your pulse point and causing a soft whimper to fall from your lips. 

A whistle blew in the distance.

The soccer team. They’d be crawling up the hill any minute now.

“Sunwoo,” you breathed out, eyes hazy with mixed feelings of desire and embarrassment. You feebly tried pushing against his chest, to no avail. He merely groaned, head tilting upwards to catch your mouth into another kiss. 

“Sunwoo,” you groaned against his lips. But he held on for dear life, one hand clasping the back of your neck, tangled into your locks. The other around your waist, pressing you as close as he could possibly get you to be. 

“Just one more,” he mumbled in-between kisses, hooded eyes fluttering closed and head slanting to kiss you a little deeper, a little harder.

Your body was on fire. You weren’t used to this intimacy, nor all of the affection he was raining down upon you. 

But it felt good. It felt amazing. Eye-opening.

He finally relented after what seemed like an eternity and you quickly made a move to scramble out of his lap. Though he wasn’t having any of that, grip made of iron as he held on. You looked up to snap at him to let go before everyone saw but was faced with his pout instead, which was enough to bring down your defences. 

“Please,” his pout deepened and your heart practically vaulted through your chest. Cute. Cute. Cute. Stop. Burying his face into your neck, he whispered, “I just wanna hold you.” 

So he did. And thank god the team had decided to take a different route so that you would avoid their imploring, questioning gazes. Though Sunwoo admitted that he’d already known they would go up from the other side of the gymnasium, considering they did that every other week to train their stamina in the process. 

That earned him a light smack on the side of his head, making him whine, “What did I do to deserve this Y/N?” 

“You knew!” You wanted to throw him a glare, but it was impossible when you were busy fighting the grin spreading across your face. 

He grinned back at you, that crooked smile that always resulted in a burst of butterflies roaring through your abdomen. Just like now. 

“So, since you have a drawing of me that you keep staring at every day--” his words died into laughter when you tried smacking his arm, proceeding to cage your wrist with his hand before kissing your knuckles. You squirmed as he continued, “does that mean I can get a picture of you?”

You let out a noise of protest, “that depends,” you mumbled, unconsciously finding refuge in his neck.

Chuckling, Sunwoo grasped your chin lightly to pull you back so that his brown orbs gazed right into yours with a gentleness that had you weak at the knees, “on what?” 

“On what I get in return.” 

“What if I say I’ll take you on a date?” he said wickedly. 

You couldn’t help your smile. 

“I guess that could work.” 

[solarwonux]

Sunflower || Seokmin 

seokmin x f!reader: soulmate au 

w.c: 23.7k (its a long one get some popcorn lol)

warnings: angst, really really slow burn, suggestive themes (no nsfw sorry y’all) 

note: I’M SO EXCITED TO FINALLY RELEASE THIS FIC, it has been released before but I rewrote it a little and finally finished it. PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND YES YOU DO NEED TO READ CHERRY FIRST IT WOULD MAKE A LOT MORE SENSE IF YOU DO. 

cherry || masterlist

“Get up.” Seungkwan said opening the curtains in your room letting in the obnoxious rays of sunlight. You groaned turning over in your bed pulling the sheets over your head. A failed attempt to block the sunlight out. “I mean it get up.” He jumped on your bed, trapping you underneath him then tried to pry off the sheets from your body. Your iron-like grip holding them in place. You wiggled your body trying to wrestle him off. He scoffed placing his hands on your sides and jabbing them, an annoyed laugh falling out of your lips. He snickered grabbing onto your sheets and pulling them off your body. 

“Get up!” He exclaimed letting you go, bringing your sheets along with him. He stood at the foot of your bed, hands on his hips, waiting. You whined, flaying your limbs up in the air, which only made him roll his eyes in annoyance. “It’s too early, let me sleep please.” You grumbled finally sitting up on your bed, crossing your legs and arms in front of you. You blinked rapidly trying to get used to the brightness of your once dark room. 

“It’s almost two in the afternoon, I’m not letting you sleep anymore…so get up.” He commanded his hands leaving his hips and pointed an accusatory finger at you. “You’ve been doing this every weekend for the last five months and honestly I’ve had it.” He shook his head in disbelief and threw himself on your bed in despair. You rolled your eyes shoving him with your foot before laying down on your side, eyeing the unpleasant billboard outside your—well Seungkwan’s guest bedroom window. “Even if I get up, what's the point, I have nothing to do.” You sighed moving so you were now on your back, eyeing the ceiling fan as it turned with ferocity above your bed and attempted to count the times it went around in circles. Useless to say the least but helped calm you down.

“I talked to Vernon yesterday; he’s worried about you?” Seungkwan sat up poking your side again. The name that fell out his lips sent jabs of pain up your body and you tried your hardest to blink back the tears that had started to form at the sound of his name. “I’m fine.” You whispered turning over to face your best friend. His eyebrows furrowed as he searched your face carefully for any warning signs. “It’s okay not to be fine you know, it’s okay to admit it too.” He sighed wrapping an arm around your shoulder hugging you tightly. 

“How is he?” You mumbled. The question had been lingering at the tip of your tongue since the day the two of you decided to finally part ways. Since the day you moved into Seungkwan’s guest bedroom and since the day Vernon told you about his back-packing trip around South East Asia. That night the two of you cried together on Seungkwan’s overly expensive couch, because your new realities, that didn’t involve one another as lovers, finally started to settle in.

When he walked out the front door, he had promised to come back under one condition. You knew it was eating him inside, but he held his head high and told you to try everything in your power to find the person that was meant to be your forever. He had found his, in fact his was the reason why the two of you were in this mess in the first place. Why the color you had gotten used to seeing for nearly five years had been stripped away from you.

“He’s good, he arrived in Thailand last night and yes he’s taking his vitamins and eating well.” Seungkwan stated he sat up bringing you along with him. “But he keeps asking about you and I’m tired of lying to him, so I’m taking you out today.” He smiled brightly, tugging a strand of hair behind your ear and placing a soft kiss against your forehead. “So, take a shower before I dump a bucket of water on you.” 

“Where are you taking me?” You turned down the radio, your voice was hoarse from screaming out the lyrics to Dancing Queen with Seungkwan. A curious smile playing on your lips as you looked out your open window, the wind hitting your face making goosebumps rise onto your skin. Despite still not feeling like you could jump back and be the person you were five years ago or five months ago, you felt at ease.

“It’s a surprise.” Seungkwan stated in a matter of fact tone, finishing it off with a scoff. You rolled your eyes sitting back in your seat. The beginning melody of Toxic sounding through his car speakers made Seungkwan groan in protest. “Last time I let you pick the music.” He pointed out, turning on the turn signals. 

“Shut up you love it.” You teased. “Now please tell me where we’re going, we’ve been driving for nearly three hours.” You whined, closing the window and bringing down the car visor. You opened the little mirror and cringed once you saw yourself. Your hair was sticking out in different places, your red lipstick was slightly smudged, and your mascara had started to run. If Vernon was next to you, he would’ve told you that you still looked like the most beautiful girl in the world. You grinned letting out a small sigh and shook your head. The feeling of nostalgia making its way underneath your skin whenever you thought of him. To your surprise you hadn’t bursted into tears yet and maybe that was an indication that you were finally starting to let yourself feel happiness once again.

“It’s been an hour and a half, you’re literally so dramatic.” Seungkwan said in disbelief as he slowed down the car. “Anyway, we’re here, but you have to put on the blindfold before we go anywhere.”  He smiled, putting his car in park and shutting it off. He reached over the back seat and brought out a blindfold, cheekily showing it to you. 

“Kwanie I know I’ve been a pain these last five months but I’m literally begging you to not kill me today.” You said as you finished up fixing your face as well as your unruly hair before closing the visor and turning to face him. He rolled his eyes shoving the blindfold into your hand. “I can’t stand you sometimes, just put the damn blindfold on.” He whined, tapping his fingers impatiently on his steering wheel. You saluted at him jokingly before putting it on. “Done, lead me to my death.” 

“Let’s go drama queen.” 

“You’re one to talk.” You mumbled opening his car door. Seungkwan grabbed your hands leading you out of the car, resting his hands on your shoulders. “I promise you’ll love it.” He said the smile prominent in his tone of voice as he started to walk you forward. You jumped putting one of your hands over his in panic, your stomach turning in anticipation. Your mind goes through numerous possibilities of what would be on the other side once you removed your blindfold. A part of you hoping it was Vernon, but you knew that wasn’t an option. He was out, doing something he had desperately wanted to do for years and no matter how much he cared for you. He wasn’t going to put his dreams to halt for you. The two of you had done it for far too long and now it was time to finally live for yourselves. It was something the two of you deserved. 

“Alright we’re here.” Seungkwan stated as the two of you stopped walking. Your hands quickly went up to the blindfold and took it off quickly. A gasp falling out of your lips as you stared in awe at the black and white field of sunflowers. The heliotropic flowers swayed slowly in the wind as they reached up high towards the sunlight. Your stomach turning wishing you had never taken your color for granted. 

“Kwanie, I-I love it.” You smiled turning to face the boy who was looking at you smugly. You hugged him tightly, burying your face into the crook of his neck finally letting the tears spill out. He nodded wrapping his arms around you tightly, slowly caressing your back as he let you cry. Something he had gotten used to since you had started living with him, and something he would never complain about. The pain you were going through, he could not understand no matter how hard he tried. He had never been in love before, his soulmate mark remained untouched, the words etched on his wrist haunting him for years, slowly making him lose hope. And that’s how he lived for a while until the night when you called him sobbing. The words coming out of your mouth he couldn’t make out, but he heard the pain laced in your voice. His heart broke as he knew what had happened. 

Vernon had confided in him for nearly a year. At first, he didn’t agree with the way he was handling things, telling him that you should’ve been his first priority. But the more he thought about it the more he understood why he couldn’t. Vernon’s love for you was indescribable, he would’ve moved mountains and parted the red sea for you if he could. You were his light the reason he kept pushing even though at the end he knew what the outcome would be. The love the two of you had was pure art and Seungkwan could only hope to find something so perfect one day. Which is why he let you cry on him; let you curse out the world as he held you in his arms because even though he hadn’t found the person the universe had set him up with. He knew what it felt like to long for that person. 

“We can cut some and take them home. Trust me the apartment needs a little bit of brightness.” He pulled away, his thumbs wiping the stray tears on your cheeks. You nodded turning around, watching the people you had overlooked run around happily. Some were by the little white kiosk that held bundles of sunflowers and strawberries and you assumed that’s where you would go to pay the fee. Others were taking pictures with the daisy like flowers, while others were cutting off the stems carefully to take home, fighting with the bees. The whole sight made you feel warm and at peace and though you had already cried. You felt like crying again only because the happiness that was bubbling up inside of you was overwhelming. 

“Let’s go then and since you brought me here you will pay for them right.” You pouted batting your eyelashes up at him. 

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t” 

“The worst honestly.” You grabbed his hand leading him to the middle of the field. The skyrocketing flowers make you feel small as if you were an ant in the middle of a field of grass. “I wish I can see them in their truest form” You sighed taking one of the leaves in between your index finger and thumb. “But I can only remember what they would look like.” You nodded smiling sadly earning a flick on the forehead from Seungkwan. “Ow…what the hell Kwanie.”

“Stop getting all sad on me and smile please.” He said, bringing a pair of kitchen scissors from his back pocket. You cocked an eyebrow in curiosity, and you were about to ask him where the hell he had gotten them, until you noticed the miniscule flashes of color by his shoulder. You blinked rapidly, before rubbing your eyes forcefully not caring that you had smudged your mascara.

Seungkwan leaned up grabbing onto the flower stem, placing it in between the scissor blades and cutting it. A satisfied hum escaping his lungs, nodding in approval while he turned to you and brag. His smile fell once he noticed the look of distresses embedded onto your face. “What’s wrong, what happened?” He said dropping the flower along with the scissors and placing both hands on top of your shoulders. He shook you, your eyes turning wide while you looked around. The water pooling in your tear ducts and he tried to desperately grab your attention.  

The broken flashes of yellow, coming in and out at a faster than before. Faster than the morning you had met Vernon. Your heart was at your throat and you pushed Seungkwan’s hands off your shoulders, ignoring his worried statements and pushed past him. You kept walking, your hands shaking at your sides as the flashes of color became more intense. Seungkwan followed you, taking long strides to keep up with you. “What’s happening…did something happen?” He asked his voice sounding with concern and once again you ignored him again, trying to find the reason why you were suddenly seeing color again. A part of you wondered if this was how Vernon had felt that night. If he felt lightheaded. If his body grew weak while his heart broke slowly into thousands of pieces while the flashes of color came in and out. 

“Seokmin where are you going…what’s going on?” You heard a voice shout, your footsteps coming to a stop once your eyes found the ones of the person in front of you. The same look of distress you had on your face adorning his. You let out a sob seeing as the color poured in at a faster rate than before. The part of you that still loved Vernon breaking away slowly while you felt your heart start to beat out of time. Just like it had done that first time you met Vernon and you were introduced to a world of color. Seungkwan came up beside you, out of breath, his hand grabbing onto your arm, confusion written all over his features as he looked between you and the man standing a few feet away from the two of you. 

“Min, you’re scaring me.” His friend said, waving a hand in front of his face. He didn’t budge, instead his eyes only got wider, and he took it upon himself to take a wary step forward. “D-Do you see i-it too?” 

You nodded pushing the hand Seungkwan was using to hold you back off. “W-What’s your name?” You took a step forward, your body feeling as if it were on fire. Something you had never once experienced before.

“Seokmin, I-I thought I would never find you.” He confessed stopping until only a foot separated the two of you. His hands inside his jacket pockets itching to reach out to you. To embrace you, wipe away your tears, and tell you how beautiful you looked despite the mascara tracks staining your cheeks. 

He never imagined that this day would come. Sure, he had fantasized about it since the day he learned what soulmate’s where. He had practiced numerous conversations inside his head, to be prepared. But he never once believed that he would be able to find, certainly not in a field of sunflowers on the hottest day of the year. And certainly not with you standing in front of him crying as if your heart was breaking instead of mending.

“C-Can I give you a hug?” You spoke rubbing the back of your hand against your cold cheek, a sob catching itself at the back of your throat. He nodded quickly, taking his hands out of his pockets and shaking them at his side. The two of you stared at each other in silence, eyes running all over the place. Your bodies daring to finally cross the line. In the end, despite your heart feeling as if it were to fall out of your ass. You crossed it, wrapping your delicate arms around his torso, the sob you had been holding in finally breaking out of its confinements. 

Seokmin held you as if his life depended on it. His mind searching through the files of practice conversations he had over the years, trying to come up with something, anything to say to you right now. 

With caution he started to run his hands down your back, trying to offer you comfort. His gaze landing on the man that had been chasing after you. To Seokmin his features were unreadable, but the tears that had started to fall out of his eyes spoke volumes and it scared him. He could only hope he wasn’t your significant other because the last thing Seokmin wanted to do was make you choose. If your heart didn’t belong to him then he’d live with the consequences because despite not knowing your name yet, he knew you deserved more than what the world had to offer. 

“I-I’m sorry.” You pulled away; the residue of your mascara combined with your tears on his pale-yellow t-shirt. Your bottom lip trembles as the memories of your first meeting with Vernon came flooding back. “Everything is so fucked…I’m sorry you had to meet me like this.”

“Don’t be sorry, just because we met doesn’t mean we have to be together right away.” He nodded the soft pad of his thumbs lying against your soft cheeks. He studied your face closely, taking in everything as fast as he could. Afraid you would be taken away from him forever. He could tell something was bothering especially when you refused to look him in the eye. Only catching the subtle hint of sadness hiding behind your sparkling eyes. There was something you had to deal with, one that didn’t involve him, and he knew he had to put himself aside and you first. 

“I’ve waited my whole life for you…I can wait a little longer.” 

“Text him please.” Seungkwan pleaded falling on to your bed cuddled with your pillow. You stopped your typing and took off your glasses before looking down at him. His puppy dog eyes cause you to roll your eyes.

“I will once I’m done applying for this job.” You smiled sending him a playful wink. “No now, you always come up with an excuse to shut me up but this time it won’t work.” He sat up and hit you across your face lightly with your pillow, blocking your view. You whined feeling the weight of your laptop disappear from your lap and you knew this was a fight you weren’t going to win.

“Why does it matter, it’s not like I’ve been ignoring him, I respond to his good night and good morning texts every day.” You sat up and reached over to grab your laptop in which he was holding close and tightly to his chest. “Wow girlfriend of the year.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes, turning his body from your grabby hands.

“We’re not dating…please give me my laptop back.” You pulled at his arms as they got tighter around your precious device. You cursed falling back on your bed when you realized your attempts were going to be deemed as unsuccessful. 

You slammed your hands down on your bed in frustration. Seungkwan sighed and set down your laptop on your bedside table before laying down next to you. He poked your cheek, grabbing your attention, your pouty gaze making his heart sink. “I’m scared, what if the same thing that happened with Vernon happens again.” You confessed hitting your palm against your forehead, silently punishing yourself for your stupidity.

“We don’t get anywhere in life letting our fear get in the way of things.” He grabbed your hand and placed it on his chest. “And you can’t keep comparing this potential relationship with the one you and Vernon had because you’ve been given a chance to start over and fall without a care in the world.” He said playing with your fingers gently. “So, ask him out, I know he’s been dying to see you again.”

“How do you know?” You scoffed pulling your hand from his and resting it on top of your stomach. You looked up at the ceiling, counting the small indents that appeared over years of overuse. Your mind racing back to the events that occurred at the middle of the sunflower field as well as what happened after. Which was nothing, you had told Seokmin that you needed time before jumping face first into a brand-new relationship. He had agreed, told you he’d wait for you a whole lifetime again if that’s what you needed, and it broke your heart. You could tell he was a little disappointed. It was written all over his face, despite the smile that adorned it and you couldn’t imagine how he was feeling now, especially with your lack of communication.

“Soonyoung told me.” Seungkwan flicked your forehead bringing out of your daze making you glare at him in the process. You were thankful for him and everything he had done for you throughout your devastating break up with Vernon but sometimes you wished he wouldn’t worry so much. “Wait…when did you get his number?” You sat up leaning your body over and poking his side. He convulsed pushing your hands away before sitting up and crossing his legs under him. “That day at the field while Seokmin paid for your flowers.” He pointed behind you to the vase that held your withered sunflowers. “Also, when are you going to get rid of them, they’re looking a little dead.”

You rolled your eyes and shoved him as hard as you could. He was right, the flowers had been dead for almost two months, but every time you looked at them, they reminded you of Seokmin and that thought alone made you happy. “Never, I’m going to be buried with them. Now get out of my room I need to finish applying for this job.” He nodded reaching over for your laptop and handed it to you before getting off from your bed.

“Fine, but please text him, Soonyoung and I made a bet and so far, he’s winning, and I really really don’t want to give him a cent.” He laughed walking out of your room, holding onto the door handle tightly.

“Seungkwan my love life is not a game.” You shouted, throwing your pillow at him. His eyes grew wide in panic and he ran out of your room, closing your door quickly. Causing your pillow to hit the door and fall to the floor. You shook your head and laid back on your bed, your laptop and job application long forgotten as you eyed your charging phone. Your hands itched to reach out and grab it and finally send the text you had written countless times, but never sent because of fear.

“Fuck it.” You reached over and pulled it off the charging cable, unlocking it and opening your message app. Seokmin’s good morning text sat unread at the top of the list. Your heart palpitated as you typed the message you had memorized and counted to ten before hitting send. You panicked throwing your phone across your bed and getting off it, the sweat forming on your hands as they shook. You ran out of your room, down the hallway and into the kitchen, your eyes landing on a smug looking Seungkwan as he turned a wine glass in his hand.

“I sent it.”

“Finally, I’m about to be fifty dollars richer.” 

“How do I look?” You walked into the living for the umpteenth time that afternoon, this time you were adorning a sky-blue summer dress and white vans. “Every time you’ve asked me that I’ve told you the same thing, you look great now finish getting ready he’s going to be here in literally ten minutes.”

“I know but each outfit doesn’t feel right.” You threw your hands up and sat on the lounge chair putting your feet on top of the coffee table earning a look of disapproval from Seungkwan. “What if I wear the wrong outfit and the same thing as last time happens.” You pushed your hair back, lightly tugging at your roots. 

“Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I’m the dramatic one in this friendship.” He leaned over and pushed your feet off the coffee table making you pout. “A bad outfit isn’t going to trigger what happened with Vernon, so calm down and touch up your make or hair. Whatever you need to do because now you have a solid five minutes before he gets here.” Seungkwan stood up from his seat and pulled you up from the lounge chair.

“See, I knew my outfit was bad. Now I have to go change again.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes while he pushed you back into your room. “It was a hypothetical, you look beautiful, but what does look bad is your hair so fix it because time is ticking and neither of us are getting any younger.” He guided you to your mirror waving his hands around your disheveled hair, scolding at yourself for having the terrible habit of pulling on it whenever you were anxious or frustrated.

“Fine, but can you keep on the lookout.” You spoke your eyes growing wide, the feeling of panic rushing through your veins when the doorbell sounded. “Looks like I don’t need to.” Seungkwan grabbed your brush and handed it to you before exiting your room, closing the door behind him. “Don’t change or I’ll come in here and drag you out in whatever terrible outfit you have on.” He scolded the sound of his feet getting softer as he neared the front of the apartment.

You sighed putting down your brush and smoothed out your hair as much as you could before tying in back in a loose half up and half down style. You slowly counted to ten putting on your earrings and the rings you could find on top of your messy dresser. You gave yourself one last look, whispering words of encouragement and walked out. Seungkwan and Seokmin’s animated voices getting louder as you got closer to the living room.

“Tell Hoshi I’m expecting his payment by tonight.” Seungkwan jokes. Seokmin threw his head back in laughter, making you roll your eyes.  

“Sorry for keeping you waiting.” You cleared your throat, putting your cross-body bag on and gripping the leather strap tightly to keep your hands from shaking. Seokmin’s laughter died down as he turned to face you, a blush appearing on his cheeks as he took in your appearance. “It’s okay I didn’t wait long.” He shook his head smiling, he extended his free hand to you before quickly exchanging it with the one that held the flowers. “These are for you. I wasn’t sure if I should get you the daisies, the roses, or the lilies so I got you all three.” His nervous eyes left yours and looked around looking for another point of focus.

“I love them, thank you so much.” You took them from him, holding them close, a color of array of emotions bursting inside of you making you feel as if you were being reborn.

“Alright, you two get out of here, go have fun.” Seungkwan broke the silence taking your flowers from you. He gave you a pointed look as he shuffled the two of you out. “Have her home by midnight.” He opened the front door signaling the two of you out. “Will do, it was nice seeing you again Seungkwan.” Seokmin walked out leaving you behind to follow him through the compressed doorway.

“I’m terribly sorry about him.” You sent Seungkwan a glare, his tongue poking out at you in a teasing manner before shutting the door.

“He should meet the rest of my friends. I think they’d get along very well.”

Seokmin and you walked in silence, your hands brushing against one another daring to feel each other’s warmth. The sweet melodies of the night life filling in the pockets of the comfortable silence that was lingering in the air around you. A few sorry’s and excuse me’s were exchanged by oblivious passer-byes making the two of you exchange inconspicuous stares. Smiles etching from side to side, cheeks flushing dark crimson. Your hearts matching time unbeknownst to the outside world.

You tried to come up with anything to say though you ended up falling short. Even though the silence that was between the two of you was loud, blaring in forms of sirens. It wasn’t enough to overwhelm you, and for that you were thankful.

“We’re here.” Seokmin finally broke the silence, his shoulders settling to a calm composure. He grabbed the door handle and opened it, stepping aside giving you room to walk in.

The second you did you were hit with a colorful aroma of different tea blends, sweets and spices. The quirky designs and phrases decorating the different walls jumped out at you. And the calm soothing vibe warmed up your insides, calming your nerves.

Seokmin came up behind you finally crossing the line the two of you had unknowingly laid out. “I hope you don’t mind this is my favorite boba shop, I know it’s not ideal, but I was really drawing a blank when you texted me earlier.” Seokmin placed a hand on your shoulder, making your breath hitch as he stood behind you patiently waiting to be attended.

“It’s okay, I love it, plus we have other chances to go on more extravagant dates.” You exaggerated, giving him a warm smile. Seokmin swore he had been lifted up into heaven and dropped once he saw the light on your face.

“I’d love nothing more.” He gave your shoulder a squeeze before wrapping it around your front, gently pulling you close. “T-This okay?” He asked, his voice wavering at the end giving you the indication that he too was unfamiliar with this new ocean the two of you had plunged yourselves into. “Yes, this is perfect.” You answered a little too excited.

“Great, what do you want then?” Seokmin pointed to the menu behind the front counter. You looked up skimming through the various flavors and options silently before turning your head to face him. “Why don’t you choose me?”

“Are you sure, you’re putting a lot of trust in me. This decision could either make or break us.” He joked moving with you as the person in front stepped up to order. You smiled, shaking your head, bringing up a hand and intertwining it with the one Seokmin had around you.

“I guess you better choose wisely then.”

In the end Seokmin ended up ordering four different flavors of boba tea. All this favorite.

The cashier had given the two of you strange looks, probably wondering why the hell two people needed four drinks and it only made you laugh even harder. Seokmin had given you a pointed look before breaking into a smile, that you swore could light up every room. It made your heart skip a beat, fill you up with happiness that you hadn’t felt ever since that day at the park with Vernon. Making you realize that that was the last time you had felt that type of happiness. 

“So why four?”

“I just ordered all my favorites, just in case my favorite favorite wasn’t your favorite.” Seokmin placed two of the drinks down onto the table, the two of you indiscreetly walked too. He waited for you to take your seat before taking his, at his respectful side of the tiny booth.

“So, which one is your favorite favorite?” You leaned your elbows forward toying with the plastic wrap of one of the straws.

“The mango green tea one.” He nodded pushing the drink in question towards you. You snickered, breaking the plastic wrap, lifting your hand to break the lid, stopping short when you noticed Seokmin’s hand covering the lid. “Before you try it, promise me this won’t be our first and last date.” He whispered his eyes all but pleading making your heart sink.

Sighing you brought your hand down, setting the straw aside. You put your hands over his, lifting it up to your lips, giving them a gentle kiss. You couldn’t blame him for asking. You had ignored him for almost three months, only answering his good morning and good night texts. He had every right to doubt you and your word. Without his knowledge you were putting back the pieces that were left behind after five years of living in a perfect illusion. Vernon still lived in the back of your mind, sometimes his memories still made your heart flutter and the what if’s still kept you up at night.

It was a conversation you needed to have with Seokmin, he didn’t deserve to be lied to or kept in the dark, especially because your heart wasn’t all that there yet. And because his was still innocent and pure, but for tonight you would bask in your dream world. Make promises you weren’t sure you could keep yet, because a part of you was starting to desperately cling onto him. 

“Seokmin I promise.”

There was a first time for everything.

And for the first time in your life you had laughed so hard to the point you had milk tea coming out of your nose.

“Sorry.” Seokmin’s demeanor fell, stopping his over dramatic retelling of how he and his friends came to own a pottery studio. He panicked, a troubled expression replacing his soft gaze, scrambling to get a napkin out of the holder. You tried to regain your breathing as he handed you a handful of napkins, but your imagination took over and you doubled over in laughter, your forehead coming down onto the table. The images of Seokmin and his friends dressed as cats, dancing and singing along to the musical soundtrack in order to convince the previous owner to hand over the studio with the first six months of rent paid. Replaying in your mind like a movie reel.

“D-Don’t be t-that’s the funniest thing someone’s ever told me, and I’ve known Seungkwan for half of my adult life.” You panted and placed your hand on your chest, your stomach throbbing in blissful pain. Seokmin smiled, his cheeks blushing red. He reached over cradling your cheek gently, wiping your nose. The situation finally became clear and you flushed in embarrassment.

“You’re cute.” He whispered, his face lighting up before he gave your cheek an awkward kiss from across the table. “I think I’ve embarrassed myself here today more than I have my entire life.” You let out a small laugh, your hand coming up to your forehead and hitting it lightly with the palm of your hand. 

“Like I said, you’re cute.” Seokmin removed your hand, locking his fingers with yours before sitting back in his seat. “Can I come sit over there?” You toyed with the straw of your drink, signaling to the empty space next to him with your head. Seokmin nodded, tugging on your hand lightly signaling that his impatience was close to take over. You removed your hand from his hold and stood up. He eyed you carefully as you smoothed out your dress, the light blue hue brought out the beauty of your smooth skin. It complimented the sparkle that lived behind your eyes making them look as if they held the entire universe behind them.

For the first time in his entire life, Seokmin finally understood the hype around the color blue. 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder after you sat down. You put your head on his shoulder, blushing when you felt his body stiffen. “Will you take me to the studio one day?” Your index finger coming up to play with the water ring your drinks had left behind on the table.

“If you do me a favor.” He swallowed trying his best to get his body to relax, but it felt as if it were on fire and no amount of water would be able to put it out. “I’m not dressing up as a cat and dancing for you, if that’s what you want.” You looked up as he started to cough, his eyes wide as he choked on air due to your statement. His mind wandered to places it shouldn’t ever wander and he wanted to slap himself mentally as well as physically. You sat up and patted his back, a knowing smile forming on your face and made a mental note to add what you had said to the list of embarrassing things that had happened today.

“N-No nothing like that, t-that wasn’t what I meant.”

“I know I was just messing with you.” You poked his nose and it only made him blush even harder, and it made your ego swell knowing you had such an effect on him. “What is it?”

“Please stop calling me Seokmin, it makes me feel like I’m in trouble with my mom.” He chuckled awkwardly, bringing up a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed it awkwardly. “What do I call you then?” You cocked your head to the side, bringing a hand up to smooth the collar of his button down shirt. It had been bothering you the entire night, but you didn’t have it in you to fix it. Afraid you were crossing a boundary either of you were ready to cross. But seeing as how the events were playing out you assumed it was alright.

“Call me DK.”

“Like the video game character?” Another fit of laughter threatening to break through the surface. Seokmin sighed, shaking his head in disbelief before pulling you close to his body. “Could be, but it’s short for Dokyeom.” He grabbed your hand from his chest and hooked his pinky with yours, swinging them in front of your bodies. You acknowledged, taking in your bottom lip in between your teeth. The butterflies that had been growing throughout the night in the pit of your stomach were having a field day. It was scary, you had only known him for almost three hours, and you were reading to risk it all once again.

“How about I call you baby instead?”

“Say it one more time?” Seokmin had you pressed against the outside wall of your apartment. Your hold on the doorknob faltered as you felt his lips hover over your own. “Baby,” You whispered, finally letting go of the doorknob and wrapping your arm around his neck.

“That’s my new favorite song.” He stated pressing your body closer to his, lifting you away from the wall. “Is that so…baby.” Seokmin groaned hiding his face in the crook of your neck. A tiny laugh falling out of your lips. You wrapped your hands around him, running your hands down his back gently.

“Please let me kiss you.”

Seokmin pleaded, lifting his head up to face you. A teasing smirk settling on your lips as you took the disparity behind his beautiful eyes. “Nope, you haven’t earned that privilege yet.” You pushed him away gently, stepping aside and finally entering the passcode to your front door. 

“Ask me to be your girlfriend first.” You turned the doorknob, his arms snaking around your waist, his breath tickling the shell of your ear, the adrenaline you had felt throughout the night intimidating a breakthrough. 

“Will you be my gir—.” You turned around quickly covering his mouth with your hand, the panic evident behind his glimmering eyes. “Not here, not now Seokmin.” You brought your hand down and he pulled away, taking his arms with him. “You’re right I’m sorry.” He hit his forehead gently with a closed fist, mumbling indiscreetly underneath his breath. For a second you thought you had ruined everything.

“I-I want you to be sure first, I don’t want to rush into anything.” You said as reassuringly as possible, the tiny fear demon in your mind finally coming out to play as it filled you with your doubts “I know, I’m sorry…sometimes I get too carried away, but I meant what I said the first time I met you.” He stuffed his hands inside his pockets, shrugging awkwardly. “I just hope that one day you can tell me what’s holding you back.”

“Seokmin it’s just that I—.”

“You don’t have to tell me today, but I promise I’ll listen to you when you’re ready.” He nodded closing the gap you had created and gave your forehead a gentle kiss. “Goodnight, sleep tight…baby.” He winked before stepping back and walking out of your line of sight leaving you breathless and overwhelmed, to the point where all you wanted to do was cry, because to say the least you were still scared and confused.  

You let out a sigh and turned around punching in the passcode, impatiently waiting for the door to click open. You angrily shuffled inside your apartment, closing the door behind you. You placed your forehead against it, toeing off your shoes and pushing them aside. You took a deep breath and counted to ten before facing Seungkwan who was without a doubt going to be waiting for you to hear all about how your date went. You plastered on your best fake smile, going over points Seungkwan was sure to ask in your head and turned around, expecting to see him on the couch dramatically twirling a glass of Rosé in his hand. 

And you wished that’s what you were met with, but like always the universe had its way of working and for a while it had been working against you. So of course, you were met with Seungkwan, a forgotten bottle of Rosé on the coffee table as he held onto Vernon while he sobbed into his arms.

“W-What’s wrong?”

The minute you laid eyes on Vernon you felt like your whole world collapsed into tiny shards of glass at your feet. You couldn’t breathe. It was as if your lungs were being crushed by two weights of pressure. You stood there in the middle of the living room, your words getting caught at the back of your throat, while Seungkwan ushered a sobbing Vernon out into the balcony of the small apartment. Leaving you behind to deal with your own curses. Seungkwan gave you one last sympathetic look almost as if he were telling you that he had everything under control. Yet, it didn’t help ease your newfound anxiousness as all you wanted to do was run outside and push Seungkwan away to comfort the boy you once loved. The same one a part of your soul still loved and held onto for dear life in fear that one day you would wake up and forget what it was like to ever be loved by him.

It was overwhelming. The feeling bubbled up inside of you as you retreated from the living room and made your way into your own room, looking for an escape. You were met with your four walls and memories that were buried deep into the archives of your mind started to play. Reminding you just how much you truly longed for Vernon. Reminding you just how much craved for his touch. 

It was cruel. The tricks your mind was playing on you and for a moment you let it consume you. Deciding that this was it for you and you had a good but unfortunate run but it was too much for your poor body to handle.

Like that the seconds passed and then came the minutes and eventually four hours had gone by with you having no recollection of what you had done. How you changed out of your blue dress or when you had replied to Seokmin’s text with a simple: I’m fine, miss you already. Another lie you could add onto your belt. Your self hatred growing as time slowed down everything around you making it seem as if you were underwater.

Maybe one day you’ll finally be strong enough to face him and tell him the truth. Open your chest up to him and let him in on your soul crushing secret because he deserved to know the truth. But that time wasn’t now, at least not while you sat against the door frame of your bedroom door. Looking out into a dark lonely hallway hoping that the next person to come through wasn’t the one you wanted to hold.

You wanted to scream out into the void. Scream at the universe for being so cruel. Scream at Seokmin for finding you when you were still hurting. And you wanted to scream at Vernon for showing up in such a state that made you want to drop everything and give him the entire world again. But whenever you opened your mouth nothing but silence came out. Leaving you behind to deal with feelings you didn’t fully understand.

“He wants to see you.” Seungkwan’s voice brought you back down to Earth. You looked up, running your hands over your tear stained face, meeting his pained expression. Another thing you could add to the list of things you hated about yourself.

Seungkwan didn’t deserve to be caught in between two broken people and act as their mediator. He deserved a life where he wasn’t constantly picking up the pieces and breaking his neck to offer comfort to two selfish people that clearly did not deserve it. Every night you found yourself hoping he’d finally realized this. You hoped he’d leave you behind and continue the life he had put on pause for you and Vernon. You hoped he could find better friends that finally saw him as someone more than just a shoulder to cry. Your wishes falling onto deaf ears because he was still here wiping away your tears.

“He wants to talk to you.” He crouched down in front of you and gently flicked your forehead. “I don’t want to see him.” You whispered resting your cheek against your knees as you avoided his eyes and looked out into the dark hallway again. “I’m scared.” A tiny sob fell out of his lips as he sighed, taking a seat in front of you.

“Not as scared as he is right now.” Seungkwan placed a hand on top of your head and smoothed out the frizziness that had occurred over your neglect. “I helped him as much as I could now I’m passing the torch down on to you because I think you can offer him a lot more than what I can.”

“I can’t...a broken person can’t help another broken person. We tried it before and it ended in a mess.”

“Then don’t try to help him and just listen to him.”

“What if I say or do something wrong and I just make everything worse?.” You lifted up your head and met Seungkwan’s frustrated gaze. He ran his soft hands over your cheeks wiping away the tears that had silently started to decorate your face again. He placed a soft comforting kiss against your forehead before standing up and offered you his hands.

“I doubt you can make him feel even worse than he already does.”

You held the beer cans Seungkwan had laughably shoved in your arms close to your chest. Your eyes stung from the salty tears that had been pouring out. It frustrated you because it seemed like the only thing you could do nowadays was cry. It made you feel weak and worthless.

There was a little voice in the back of your head that was scolding you. Telling you to suck it up because whatever was going on with Vernon had nothing to do with you or the beautiful tragic past the two of you shared. You had realized this hours ago, yet you still cried as if you were the one at fault or the one feeling his pain with him. 

That was something the universe didn’t take into account when she had rudely decided to split the two of you up. No matter what happened or where the two of you ended up in life you’d always be connected by a single string. Your life lines belonged to one another, the pain he felt you felt it to. 

Maybe that was the aftermath of this whole soulmate fiasco or maybe it was something you made up to give yourself comfort. But at least he didn’t have to endure it all alone.

You took a deep breath before sliding open the balcony door. The humidity of the summer air hitting you square in the face causing the feeling of suffocation to return. Yet somehow it still sent shivers up your spin as if it were winter. A side effect of being in the presence of your past lover.

His back was turned to you and you would’ve thought he hadn’t noticed you if it weren’t for the awkward shift of his legs and the tension in the air. He looked down at the nightlife that had started to crowd the streets for their daily rituals. A soft hot breeze blew dancing with a few strands of his hair, while the annoying billboard that covered the sky view from your bedroom window casted a faint spotlight on him.

“You wanted to see me?” You cleared your throat and closed the balcony door behind you. Vernon turned around, his swollen eyes and tear stained face matched yours. “Can I give you a hug?” He choked out, his lips trembling slightly. You nodded and placed the beer cans down onto the small patio table before closing the gap between the two of you. A broken sob fell out of his lips when your arms finally found their way around his frame. You held him tightly, breathing in his familiar scent, feeling the goosebumps rise along your arms as you rubbed soothing circles down his back. Your own eyes brimming with tears as you felt him shake in your arms and it broke you.

“What happened?” You broke the silence with the question that had been lingering in your mind for hours. Vernon raised his head and you reached over to gently wipe away his tears with the sleeves of your hoodie. He pulled away from you once you retreated your hands and walked over to the balcony railing, turning his back to you. You were left standing there unsure if you should follow him or keep your feet planted in the spot a few feet away from him.

“I think the world has a personal vendetta against me.” He shrugged, breaking the suffocating silence. You grabbed the beer cans and walked over and stood next to him. “That’s a pretty big claim don’t you think?” You handed him a can. His fingertips slightly brushing over yours, sending a jolt of sparkling shivers up your spine.

“The person I saw myself growing old with turned out to not be the person the universe had picked out for me and the person the universe did pick out for me died last night. I’d say it’s the right claim to make.” He laughed bitterly opening the beer can and taking a generous drink from it.

“L-Last night, Vernon you’re not shitting me are you? I just had lunch with them yesterday.” You shook your head bringing a hand up to your face and slapping your cheeks gently. Your head didn’t want to settle down and your heart was starting to speed up. It was impossible you had seen them not even twenty four hours ago. You had laughed over a funny video on their phone and bonded over a book two of you had been consequently reading.

“You two were friends?” Vernon exclaimed his voice containing hints of underlying shock and confusion. “I guess we were.” You shrugged and opened up your beer can. “I didn’t mean to befriend them at first. I reached out to them after you left cause I knew you were in contact with them and since Kwanie wasn’t telling me anything about you at first. I thought that if I got close to them, they would eventually bring you up and I’d finally know how you were.” You finished bringing the can up to your lips and took a few sips. The bitter taste hitting your tongue making you groan in annoyance.

“Did I come up?” He glanced over at you, a sneaky smirk forming on his lips at your confusion. “Only when they found a way to insert an apology over the events of that night. Even after all the times I had told them that it was fine. That I was fine.”

“Are you fine?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” You grinned, bumping your hips with his making him stumble. “Everyone already has. I wanted to spice things up for once.” He smiled up at the night sky. You watched making it obvious that you were. The stars sparkled behind his tired eyes reminding you of all the wishes you had made whenever you looked into them. Some of them came true others didn’t and it had torn you apart until one day it didn’t.

“I don’t matter right now Vernon.” You took a sip from your beer cringing at the taste once again. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t drinking for the pleasure, but for the strength you needed to be next to him right now.

Vernon blew out a raspberry and took the last sip of his beer before turning to face you. He grabbed your hand and brought it up to his lips kissing each of your knuckles before placing it on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch basking in the feeling of having you next to him again. You took a deep breath as the hand holding his beer can circled around your waist and brought you close. He opened his eyes once he felt your chest against his, soft eyes running over your features carefully taking in everything that had stayed the same but had also subtly changed. Vernon freed your hand letting his fingers run up your arm until they reached your chin.

His touch ignited your insides. The world falling away over the horizon leaving two broken souls behind reveling in each other's warmth once again.

“You will always matter to me.”

You tried everything to keep the tension between the two of you at bay. To keep your focus on his words rather than the way his lips moved as he explained his soulmate’s unfortunate death.

It had been a hit and run and it filled you up with anger. Anger that you had never once had the privilege of experiencing until the words escaped Vernon’s mouth. “I just feel guilty. I never gave them a chance. I ran away when I realized things wouldn’t go back to normal and now I’m sure I’m being punished for it.” Vernon sighed and brought his fourth beer up to his lips, taking a decent sip from it before gazing over at you. His eyes shined as if they held a thousand tiny little universes and you found it difficult to look away.

The space between the two of you disappeared and you found yourselves shifting closer to one another as if pulled by two magnets. Your legs were resting on top of his thighs and his warm hand wrapped around your calves, rubbing soothing circles against your skin. The light of the billboard casted a warm glow onto the two of you making the setting a little more intimate than intended. But neither of you found yourselves complaining. 

“Vernon, don’t say that...they understood our situation and they wanted to wait until you were ready.” You reached over and pushed a fallen strand of his hair back, your heart beating out time and you felt as if the entire world had stopped. It was a known fact that you two were reaching into uncharted territory but neither of you wanted to hit the brakes just yet. Maybe it was the unfinished business between the two of you or the lingering feelings that would always remain. But you had decided to blame it on your vulnerability, the stupid billboard light and the beers shared between the two of you.

Whatever it was, you didn’t want it to stop.

“I think I really could’ve loved them.” Vernon let out a sigh and sat back, his hand squeezing your calf. “Maybe not in the way I loved you, but in a way that could’ve been special between the two of us. I talked to them almost every day and each time I found my heart jumping out of my chest. It was as if I was a kid in high school again scared to comfort their crush.” He sighed and looked up at the sky, silently counting the tiny little dots of light that could’ve been stars or planets from universes across.

You watched him carefully, finally taking in how much he had changed from the last time you saw him. He had grown out a little bit of stubble, slight bags stood underneath his eyes and his cheeks were red from the sun. A clear indication that he had not once thought of putting on sunscreen and you wondered if he did it to hear your voice nagging him in the back of his mind. Or if he finally felt free to do whatever he wanted. Either way he was different, not just physically but there was something about him you couldn’t pinpoint. And it frustrated you because before you would have been able to read him as if he were your favorite book. Now you had lost a few pages along the way and you didn’t know where to turn too anymore.

“So what happens now?” You whispered tilting your head to the side, the droplets of your forgotten beer running down your fingers. He sighed and looked over at you before reaching over and massaging the creases between your brows. He always scolded you about it, told you your face was a piece of art and didn’t need any extra tension. And although you had never believed him before and brushed it off as a joke, the way he was looking at you as if you were his entire world made you believe him.

“Your guess is as good as mine. I can still see the world in all its glory, the colors haven’t faded and I don’t think they will.” He brought his hand down your face and cradled your cheek gently. “I think they were it for me. I just wish we had more time.” He nodded before running his index finger across your cheek and down the bridge of your nose stopping just above your cupid’s bow. “But can I tell you a secret.” His eyes filled with hope as the words spilled out of his mouth.

“As long as you don’t make me keep it.”

“You will always be my favorite color.”

It was wrong.

The way Vernon’s lips danced against the skin of your neck as he pushed you up against your bedroom door, was wrong. He wasn’t yours anymore and you weren’t his but you felt the flame burn deep inside you. One that had gone out long before the universe took the man in front of you away. You were feeling it again and letting it consume your entire being. You didn’t want it to stop. 

“We have to be quiet.” You moaned out, fingers playing with the hem of your old graphic tee that you were sure had belonged to him. From what you could remember it had smelled like him once and somewhere along the creases he had left his mark.

“Seems a bit challenging for you.” He teased and pulled away, his lips leaving your skin making you feel empty. He smirked and circled his arms around your waist letting them travel down your back and landing on your ass before giving it a squeeze making you yelp in surprise. He chuckled and pulled you close, “Thought you said we needed to be quiet?” He quirked an eyebrow before leaning down letting his lips hover above yours.

“F-Fuck...just kiss me already.” You whimpered and wrapped your arms around his neck and brought his head closer, but he restrained from closing the gap and you let out a desperate whine. “I miss you angel, I miss you so much I don’t think I can hold myself back anymore.” He confessed his words making their way into your heart and locking themselves in. The little voice in the back of your head yelling at you to stop but you pushed it aside, desperate to feel his warmth again.

“Then don’t”

Vernon’s lips crashed onto yours barely letting the words leave your mouth. You could taste the bitter alcohol on his breath, a reminder that neither of you where in the right mind to be doing this. Yet the fire between the two of you grew. You found yourself ignored the flaring alarms going off in your head again as you kissed him back with the same hunger he was kissing you.

He tapped the side of your hip and mumbled an almost incoherent jump and you obeyed, wrapping your legs around his waist while he held you as close as he could. He pushed the two of you away from the door, his lips desperately dancing against yours. The crude sounds the two of you were making bounced off your bedroom walls and you were sure the two of you were being anything but quiet.

Vernon pulled away and carried you over to your desk removing everything he could before setting you down on top of you. You pushed yourself against him letting the back of your hand brush against the collar of his shirt. He smirked and gave it a tiny peck before finally bringing your shirt over your head and throwing it somewhere behind him.

“Still as beautiful as I remember.” He hummed your face heated up as he attacked your neck again. This time making sure he was leaving his mark on you one last time. You threw your head back moaning his name lost in the pleasure he was giving you when your peripherals caught sight of something that made your heart stop.

The faded yellow of the withered sunflower’s Seokmin had given you were now staring at you in disapproval. You felt your breathing regain speed and it wasn’t because of the way Vernon’s lips traveled down the navel of your breasts. No, it was because reality finally decided to hit you and you were once again planted back down onto Earth.

“Vernon stop.” You choked out. The flame inside of you dying and quickly replacing itself with the poison fear brought with it. Vernon stopped his movements and pulled away as fast as he could. You saw the concern wash over his soft features as his eyes ran all over your face. “What happened, did I do something wrong?” His words raced out of his lungs at the speed of light and he cradled your face in his hands. The tears soon started up again as Seokmin’s laugh rang in your ears. His broken face staring back at you when you had denied him earlier that evening made you feel as if you were the worst human being on planet Earth.

“W-We can’t do this Vernon.” You shook your head trying to avoid his gaze and placed a hand against his chest before pushing him away. Vernon sighed, letting his eyes land on your flower face and somehow he had finally understood what happened. “I know, I’m sorry...I should’ve stopped the minute I kissed you.” His shoulders fell letting the guilt wash over him like a tidal wave. His confession left you broken but he didn’t try to fight you or himself. Instead he created the space you need to breathe and looked around your room for your shirt.

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have egged you on.” You pushed yourself off your desk not caring about the things that had fallen onto the floor and grabbed your shirt from Vernon’s hand. He grinned watching you slip it on before sitting down at the edge of your bed, his forearms resting on his knees.

“We’ve got to be the most fucked up people in this cruel world.” He laughed letting himself fall back onto your bed. You shook your head before sitting down next to him. “Maybe we did something to piss someone off in our past lives and now we’re paying for it.” You shrugged, poking his side lightly making him fold over from the jab that ran through his body.

“Whatever it was...it must’ve been bad.” Vernon mumbled and looked up at your ceiling. The silence raining down over the two of you like a protective shield. Your heart was starting to return to its normal state but the guilt and confusion consumed you greatly. You knew you wouldn’t sleep tonight. You wanted to ask Vernon to stay and keep you company and you almost did as you watched him shut his eyes, peace washing over his body and you wondered what it was like to be held by this new version of him. But you quickly pushed those thoughts aside deciding that there were boundaries you needed to start setting up for both of your sakes.

After all, neither of you belonged to each other anymore.

“Where are you going to sleep?” You finally broke the silence after sitting in it for what felt like hours. He opened his eyes slowly blinking back the sleep as he sat up. “Probably the couch.” He stood up running a hand through his hair before turning to face you. His eyes bore into yours gently and you knew there was something he wanted to tell you but whatever it was it looked like you had to live without knowing because what came out of his mouth was not what you had expected. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He nodded before walking over to your door.

“Goodnight Hansol.” You whispered making him stop dead in his tracks, his birth name falling foreign onto his untrained ears. There was a time in his life where he loved the way your voice danced whenever you said it, but now he realized that he didn’t anymore and that was the hardest pill he would ever have to swallow. So he gave you the gift of a small nod before exiting your room, leaving you behind in your cold bedroom. Your soul felt as if it were in a pool of muddy water and all you wanted to do was call Seokmin, apologize and tell him everything.

“Can you please talk to me?” 

You trailed behind Seungkwan as he pushed the shopping cart into the frozen aisle of the grocery store. 

A week had passed since you accidentally found yourself pinned against your bedroom door with Vernon. A week had passed since the two of you decided to finally start setting boundaries for one another after Seungkwan had scolded the two of you like teenagers on the couch. Since then he had been giving the two of you the silent treatment. A punishment until you and Vernon came to terms with how wrong your actions had been, or so that’s what Seungkwan claimed. 

You knew you had been in the wrong, you knew you should’ve never let it get as far as it did. The disgusting guilt consumed you whenever you saw Vernon wander around the apartment like he owned the place. It tugged on your heartstrings whenever Seungkwan glared at you for standing an inch too close to your ex lover. It feasted upon your flesh whenever you stayed up until the morning dew fogged up your windows, talking to Seokmin. Nothing between the two of you was official yet, and that had been your doing because you couldn’t seem to find a way to confess to him without hurting him and yourself in the process. 

“Nope, not until you tell Dokyeom what happened.” Seungkwan huffed, stopping the shopping cart in front of the frozen pizza freezer. It was your weekly movie night. It had surprised you when Seungkwan brought it up in passing over breakfast that morning because you had assumed with how things were going, and now that Vernon had decided to stay, he would’ve cancelled it. 

“I will, I promise I will. I-I just don’t know how or when.” You walked in front of Seungkwan and opened the freezer door reaching in to grab the triple cheese stuffed crust frozen pizza. “I don’t want to hurt him.” You sighed as you placed down the large box inside of the cart that was filled with an assortment of junk food. 

“That’s the problem BooBoo the fool, you hurt him the second you let Vernon inside your heart again.” He held the freezer door open and reached inside grabbing the frozen hawaiian pizza, making you scrunch your face in disgust. In all the years you had known Seungkwan his taste in pizza was the only flaw he had, though he claimed it was an acquired taste that only the elite understood.

“What am I supposed to do then Kwanie, Vernon will always hold a piece of my heart whether I want him to or not. I spent half a decade loving him and shit like that can’t be forgotten in a few months.” You took liberty in closing the freezer door after Seungkwan had finished grabbing everything else you needed for the movie night. “I feel like you’re being really unfair right now.” 

“I’m not saying you should forget about Vernon, the guys living with us for crying out loud. And he is my best friend, but I’m trying to get you and him to realize that your story together is over and has been for a while. It sucks that the two of you got ripped away from one another, but you know how I always tell you that everything happens for a reason?” Seungkwan glanced over at you while you nodded along to what he was saying, “Then there’s a reason why the two of you were never meant to be.”

“And what reason could that be?”

“Let him go and you’ll find out.”

Whoever reserved Wednesday nights as movie nights, deserves the guillotine. 

Though as much as you hated that they were planted in the smack middle of the week. You will  never complain about it out loud, because you knew it had been your idea to hold them every Wednesday after a very heated argument with Seungkwan that you surprisingly had won. But if you dared to ever mutter out a complaint, he would make sure to never let you hear the end of it. 

“One movie, I have to wake up early for my job interview tomorrow.” You pleaded looking over at the clock that hung over the t.v, that also didn’t work. You had promised you would change the batteries to it months ago but forgotten. You suspected that the only reason Seungkwan hadn’t taken matters into his own hands was because he wanted it to serve as an annoying reminder for you. 

“Wait, you have a job interview?” Vernon exclaimed in surprise as he walked out of the kitchen in a hurry with the pizza box burning his hands. “Yeah, at the school a few blocks away from here.” You shrugged, throwing the pillows you were carrying in your hands onto the makeshift fort the three of you had tried to create. Keyword tired, it was falling apart the more you stared at it. 

“You’re going to be a teacher again?” Vernon’s face lit up as he set down the pizza box onto the coffee table that had been decorated to the T with all the junk food you and Seungkwan brought home. Seungkwan cleared his throat as he came into the living room again, his arms overflowing with all the blankets he could find. He threw them down landing on top of the pillows you had once held in your hands, before crossing his arms in front of him, closely eyeing the two of you.

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention to Vernon who had taken it upon himself to start digging into the hawaiian pizza, “I hope so, a job position opened up last week so I decided to send in my resume and they called me on Monday to schedule an interview.” 

“That’s great--ow, bubs, I’m really happy for you.” Vernon said as he fanned his mouth after stupidly biting into the fresh out of the oven pizza. You nodded and turned to face Seungkwan who was glaring at Vernon while he ate his precious fit for royalty pizza. 

“Let’s hope I get it, nothing is set in stone yet.” 

“They’d be fools to not hire you. You’re amazing. I know they’d fall for you the second they hear how passionate you are about teaching.” Vernon assured as he blew onto his pizza, stopping to look at you for a split second, “I know I did.” He shrugged before tearing his eyes away from yours and taking another bite out of his pizza, making an O shape with his mouth to avoid getting burned again. 

It was strange. If Vernon would have told those exact words last week out on the balcony, you would’ve melted at his feet. You would’ve never stopped him from going any further and you would’ve probably tried to erase Seokmin from your mind. But hearing those words escape Vernon’s pink lips now that he stood in your living room arguing with Seungkwan about hawaiian pizza. His words did nothing for you. They didn’t make your heart race, they didn’t make your palms sweat and they didn’t make your ears flare up in heat. 

The only thing his words did was etch their way into your heart and fill you up with nostalgia, but not the kind that had you longing for his touch. The kind that made you happy that you had once been able to call him yours once. Maybe it was sign or step one of you finally being able to move on.

“Thanks Soli, I’ll keep that in mind.” 

You were pacing in front of the main office for what seemed like hours, trying to calm your nerves down. You figured that moving around was better than sitting still and letting your thoughts race through your head, while you were at stand still. Though pacing wasn’t working either because your interview was scheduled to be at nine and it was nearing ten, and the dirty looks from the receptionist wasn’t helping your case either. 

“Jeonghan I don’t know what you want me to do? I already sat down with the two of them and told them violence is never the answer.” The door to the administration office finally opened making the receptionist sigh out a sign of relief. As you scrambled to collect the stuff you had placed down on the waiting chairs behind you, you made a mental note to apologize to her before you left today. 

“Seokmin don’t worry about it...I’ll contact the parents and see where we can go from there.” You felt the air catch itself in your throat as you slowly turned around to meet a very worried looking Seokmin. He hadn’t noticed you yet and you hoped he wouldn’t because the last thing you needed was to have him running through your mind during your interview. So, you stood there looking like a deer caught in the headlight while he continued chatting with the other man next to him. His voice filled with concern and it made your heart swell knowing how much he seemed to care about the issue at hand. 

“Oh you must be here for the new teacher position right?” An unfamiliar voice sounded making you jump out of your days and thank god it did because you were about to let your mind wander to what having kids with Seokmin would be like. And that was something you weren’t ready to imagine, especially not when he looked good enough to eat in his work clothes.

“U-Um yeah I’m--”

“Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” Seokmin finally noticed you. The excitement in his voice made the heat flare up along your face and you tightened your hold on your things pressing them against your chest,  as your eyes traveled from his sparkling ones to the very shocked ones of the receptionist and finally landing on the man next to him who was out of this world confused. “Sweetheart? You two know each other?” He questioned signaling to the space between you and Seokmin with his index finger. 

“Hannie this is the girl I’ve been telling you guys about.” 

“Oh, the one you never shut up about.” He nodded, sending you a knowing wink. Was there anything worse than your possible future boss finding out you were in cahoots with one of his teacher’s before actually getting the job? Probably not because you were currently wishing for the ground to swallow you up. But it made you feel a little better knowing Seokmin was wishing the same thing, judging from the redness of his cheeks. 

“I-I’m here to get interviewed for the new teacher position.” You nodded reassuring yourself more than anything. “I didn’t know you were a teacher, I thought you owned a pottery studio?” You looked at Seokmin who was cutely rubbing the back of his neck as he giggled underneath his breath. Your heart convulsing and now you weren’t so sure you wanted the job if it meant having your heart erupting out of your chest twenty four seven, seven days a week.

“I do, but Minghao runs it during the week with our other friend Mingyu. Soonyoung and I are in charge of it during the weekends.” He smiled and took a step forward ignoring the looks Jeonghan and the receptionist were giving one another, and somehow you knew this whole situation was going to be the hot topic of the week in the teacher’s lounge. “I’m really glad you’re here.” He finally closed the distance before pulling you in for a hug, “I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you.” He whispered before kissing your temple lightly and pulling away. 

“Alright, lovebird you have a science class to teach and I have an interview to conduct.” Jeonghan voiced shooing Seokmin with his hands making your sweet lover boy laugh. 

“Good luck baby.” Seokmin threw you a kiss before exiting the main office, the door closing in behind him. Leaving you alone and deserted with your smirking future boss and nosey receptionist. Your nerves had subsided to almost nothing but now your mind was consumed with Seokmin and you weren’t sure if you were going to survive your interview without letting your mind wander to the loving future that was creeping up on you. 

Jeonghan huffed and turned on his heels signaling for you to follow him, “I hope you know that just because my best friend and one of my teachers is head over heels for you, doesn’t mean you get special treatment. I still need to make sure you’re right for the job, and let me tell you sweetheart you have competition.”

“I didn’t expect you to go easy on me anyway.” 

Jeonghan closed the file he had in front of him before lacing his fingers together on top of them and leaned forward, eyeing you closely. “Can I give you some advice?” Jeonghan titled his head, his glasses that didn’t have lenses sliding off the bridge of his nose. The entire time he was interviewing you had tried your best to not laugh at his ridiculous antics. But seeing as this was your first and most likely last time you were going to see him, you figured that you would keep it to yourself for now.

“U-Um yeah...of course.” You rushed out a little too eagerly, your nerves once again getting the best of you. They had been in control for the twenty minutes Jeonghan had been interviewing you, but now as he stared you down, you felt your nerves coming crashing down like an ocean wave.

“I’m hesitant on hiring you, your track record is spotless and you’re probably the best candidate for the job--” He sighed and ran a bony hand through his dark hair while leaning back in his chair. You knew your rejection was coming but you didn’t expect it to be so soon. You were hoping to at least make it home cry about how awful your interview had gone before burying yourself in a pint of cookie dough ice cream while Seungkwan lectured you all whilst simultaneously trying to keep your hopes up.

“--But I don’t know how I feel about two of my teacher’s dating, especially if you’re going to have the evidence on full display.” He raised his pen and pointed to the side of your neck where you knew Vernon’s evidence was still on you, a reminder of the sin you had committed a week ago. Your eyes grew wide as you panicked and slapped your hand on the side of your neck. A smirk appeared on Jeonghan’s face as he smugly crossed his arms in front of him. The realization hit you a little too late because now it became clear that he was only testing you and sadly you had failed.

“I’m sorry, um...I--I.” You shook your head, your hand falling down slowly and landing on your lap. There was nothing you could say in order to fix your mistake, you could only hope that Jeonghan wasn’t one of those people who loved to gossip because the last thing you wanted was to ruin a relationship that hadn’t gotten the chance to blossom. “Can you please not tell Seokmin.” A soft whisper fell from your lips, aware that you were throwing yourself under the bus, but what else could you do?  You had already lost the job, you didn’t want to lose Seokmin as well, at least not yet.

“Ah, so it’s not from Dokyeom...bummer I was ready to tease him about it all week..” He shrugged and leaned his elbows on his desk along with his body. “So you’re two timing him? And here I was starting to believe that our precious Dokyeom had finally found love.” He tsked, shaking his head, “I must say I’m incredibly disappointed, I thought I was the cruel one.” 

“No, no, no, it’s not like that, it’s just--,” Your hands had started to shake on your lap, underneath Jeonghan’s amused stare. “--it’s complicated, more than you can imagine.” The confession stumbled out and you heard him let out a dry laugh. 

“I have no doubt in my mind that whatever the situation is, is not an easy one but I suggest figuring your shit out before roping in one of my friends. Dokyeom has been through enough and I have no idea how he still keeps that smile of his on his face knowing the shit he’s been through.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I know you don’t believe me but I have been trying.” 

“You’re right I don’t but I’m also not the one that needs to believe you.” He shrugged standing up from his chair and rounded the corner of his desk, stopping in front of you and leaning against it. “This isn’t a conversation you and I need to have, and all I ask of you is to have it with the person that’s meant to hear your words.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” you nodded and smoothed down the wrinkles of your dress. “Thank you for the interview.” 

“Cheer up princess.” He laughed and extended his hand in front of him for you to take. You looked up at him hesitantly before grabbing his hand and letting him pull you up. “You got the job.” He smiled before letting go of your hand and walking towards his office door leaving you behind as you tried to figure out if you heard him right. “Now come on it’s almost lunchtime, I’m starving and we have a ton of paperwork to sign.”

“Wait you’re not shitting me are you?” 

“If I was, I would’ve told you to leave the second you answered my first question, now let’s go.” He signaled you over while opening the door. You scrambled tripping over the leg of the chair you had just been sitting in making him roll his eyes. Now you understood why he had called himself the cruel one because Yoon Jeonghan was quite literally the reincarnation of the devil. 

“Excuse my language but you’re an asshole.” 

“I’ve been called worse sweetheart.” 

“Are we celebrating?” Seungkwan’s voice excitedly boomed through the speaker of your phone as you climbed up the steps of your apartment building. After you had gone through the mountain of paper’s that Jeonghan and the school district had you signing. You had declined his offer on having lunch with him and all the other teachers, giving him the poor excuse of already having lunch plans with your best friend. You could tell he wanted to say something but instead he bid you farewell before telling you to come over on Friday after school for a tour of the school, as well as to show you where your classroom was going to be. “Please tell me we’re celebrating, I already sent Hansol to buy the cake, the streamers, balloons, champagne and the pizza.” 

“I get my classroom on Friday and I start next Wednesday.” You voiced while punching in the code to enter your building, the buzzer sounded indicating that you could enter the lobby. You heard screaming from the other side of the phone followed by shushing noises. “Focus on your job Kwanie.” 

“But this is more exciting,” He whined, making you shake your head in disbelief. If Seungkwan wasn’t the best entertainment lawyer at his firm you were sure he would’ve been fired ages ago. “How’d the interview go, I’m guessing good because now you’re employed.”

“It went awful, trust me I was expecting to still be unemployed.” You pressed the button to the elevator, watching as the numbers counted down slowly. The anticipation of getting into your bed again was killing you as the numbers got closer to the ground floor. “Then how do you have a job now?” Seungkwan questioned before letting out a gasp at the same time the elevator dinged announcing it’s rival. “You didn’t...you know, do inappropriate things to get the job did you?” 

“I’m offended that you’ve known me for years and yet still think so lowly of me.” You entered the elevator and pressed the number to your floor, leaning against the elevator railings and watched as the doors closed in front of you. “Of course I didn’t.”

“I don’t know after what happened last week, I feel like I don’t know you anymore.” 

“Jeonghan lectured me already about this after my interview. I don’t need you hanging it over my head again.” 

“Wait bubs, who’s Jeonghan.”

“Oh, my boss.” The elevator stopped and slowly opened its doors. You pushed yourself off the wall and walked out, bringing your purse in front of you to fish out the keys to your apartment. “I think you two would get along, you're both equally as cruel.” 

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult, but I don’t have time to be offended because now I’m just confused. How does he know?” 

“Surprise! Seokmin is my co-worker and I ran into him before my interview--”

“He’s your coworker and your future baby daddy. This is wild bubs I would not like to have a love story like yours… no offense.” 

“Whatever Kwanie, the point is the demon that is my ex boyfriend left a hickey on me last week and it still hasn’t gone away. So my boss saw, lectured me about it and somehow I ended up with the job.” You sighed, dropping your key back into your purse and pushed your already opened front door with the toe of your shoe. Vernon always had a habit of never closing the door completely and it had terrified you a few times, especially when word got around that there was a serial robber on the loose in the area the two of you used to live in. 

“Maybe you heard wrong, are you sure you got the job?” Seungkwan questioned and you could almost picture the raise of his eye brow along with his scold. “This doesn’t sound like you got the job to me, maybe you should call them just to make sure.” 

“I got it, I already signed all the paperwork.” You shook your head toeing off your shoes, noticing that Vernon’s vans were missing, which meant he still wasn’t home and you had maybe a few minutes of peace to yourself.

“This all sounds a little too suspicious now, but congratulations I’m proud of you...I guess.” 

“Thanks you’re the best, I’ll call you later I think I’m going to shower so I can contemplate all my life choices.” You said holding your phone between your ear and shoulder as you placed your stuff down on top of the kitchen counter. “Also pizza two days in a row are you okay?”

“I’m fine, can’t say the same thing about you though.” He scoffed. “I’m going now I hope your shower makes you realize how stupid you have been lately.” He spoke before hanging up without letting you get a word in. Sighing you brought the phone down from your ear setting it down next to you. Your thoughts were jumbled and jumping around from one thing to another. You wished you weren’t so scared of confessing something to someone, especially if that someone was starting to become the reason why you kept waking up and getting out of bed every passing day. But you also knew you were hurting him more letting the days pass and keeping him in the dark. Needless to say your life had become a mess in the span of a few months and some days you found yourself wondering how you could return it. 

Jeonghan told me…

Your phone buzzed making you jump. You grabbed it quickly watching as Seokmin’s contact name stared at you brightly, along with his message making your heart race. You cursed at yourself for trusting that the snake would keep your secret sealed behind his thin lips. And maybe he had hired you out of spite but whatever it was you were already typing your overdue apology in hopes you could at least salvage the tiny piece of Seokmin’s heart that he had selfishly given to you. 

Congratulations baby, dinner on Friday to celebrate?

Your fingers stopped as you let out an embarrassing sigh of relief, silently apologizing to Jeonghan. Quickly you erased the few sentences you had managed to write out before typing out a reply. You weren’t sure what spirit had possessed you but, who's ever it was, gave you the confidence you needed to hit send, because you knew what you were about to do was going to possibly ruin whatever relationship you had with Seokmin or save it. But you were tired of walking on eggshells not only around him but also around Vernon. He needed to know and you needed to finally let go. 

I’ll cook, I want you to meet some people.

Vernon walked into the apartment with everything Seungkwan had sent him out to get before leaving for work that morning. The bags he had been carrying for blocks were cutting the circulation in his arms, his fingers burning sweetly from the plastic. How they hadn’t fallen dead on the sidewalk a couple of blocks back was a mystery to him, and in truth the pain didn’t bother him until now, while he toe-d off his shoes as fast as possible. He felt his arms start to give up so he dropped them, like he usually did and let out an enormous sigh of relief. The circulation coming back into his arms at a rapid rate. 

He stretched his hands out mumbling incoherently. Coming to a stop when he saw your distressed form leaning against the fake marble of the kitchen counter. Phone clutched tightly in your palm, breaking the circulation, much like the plastic bags had done to him. Before, he could stop myself, he ran over to you. Stumbling over his shoes. The groceries and the tingling feeling on his fingers, from the blood returning to them, long forgotten. All he could think about was you and what was going through your mind. 

Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face into your neck as he felt your body grow stiff against his. The pang hitting him like a wave of unwanted air giving his heart a run for its money. “Are you okay?” He whispered bringing you close, hoping his comfort would somehow bring you at ease. He was never really good at comfort. He had learned that early on in your relationship, but he always tried as best as he could. Affection had been his major weak point, but now that he had lost you it had become his strongest suit. 

“No Vernon, I’m not.” You swallowed the lump of anger that had been lodged into the back of your throat before gripping his arms with your hands and prying them off. Vernon was taken back, the void returning to his chest and you tried your best to shoulder past him. “You almost costed me my job today.” His arms fell at their sides, your words catching him off guard.

No matter how many arguments the two of you had had during your past relationship, he had never heard you use this before. The venom became permanent, interweaving itself with the strings of your vocal chords and for the first time he had realized that he had finally lost you. 

“Me?” He questioned, standing dumbfounded. A shaking finger coming to view pointing to his chest. “What do you mean I almost ruined your chances at you getting a job. I’ve only been home and at the grocery store?” 

Vernon ran a wary hand through his dark looks, the confusion written all over his face when you glanced at him and pushed past him a little too forcefully. He tried to recall anything he could’ve done for you to look at him in such an unpleasant way, but his mind came to a halt stopping in front of a white wall. All he could remember was trying his best to stay away from you and failing. 

Every night he sat in front of your bedroom door while you talked on the phone for hours. He missed the sound of your laugh. He knew it was never going to be directed towards him anymore, but he would never get tired of it. At least it was a distraction, as unpleasant as it may have been at times. His life was ruined and his search for cheap apartments big enough for himself was starting to become a bust. 

He wasn’t stupid. As much as you and Seungkwan had tried to mask your distaste for his return. He knew he wasn’t welcomed and he was made more aware of it now that he could feel your anger caging him in. 

“This Vernon!” You yelled as he came out of his daze. His eyes widened when he saw you unbutton the first few buttons of your blouse, the nude of your bra peeking out making him swallow thickly. “This is why I was almost not hired today.” You pointed at the faded hickeys he had left behind. A year ago he would’ve smirked while making a slick comment before attacking you. The giggle would fall out of your lips as he led you to the couch while he deepened the lovebites he had previously made. 

Now he stayed put, watching the angry tears fall from your eyes and instead of feeling sorry. He was now starting to shed his calm composure letting it get replaced by a year’s worth of anger. He let it consume him, because he had had enough. 

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that you and Seungkwan were faulting him for something that hadn’t been entirely his fault. 

“Did you get undressed in order to get the job? Were you really that desperate. Did he not like the fact that you were whoring yourself around when he saw another man’s mark on you?” He spat out, barely processing what he had said. His fist balling up at his sides while yours did the same thing. “I knew you were capable of things but this is a new low that I should’ve seen coming.” 

Vernon had never once said anything hurtful to you, he had given  silent treatments, left the house in fits of rage; but never anything hurtful. You were caught by surprise, your heart beating out of your chest angrily and tears flowed at a rapid rate. This was a new side of him and you supposed he was also seeing a new side of you. It made you wonder if you had truly known one another as well as you once prided yourself in. 

You forcefully threw down your stuff onto the coffee and took fast, long strides over to him. “Fuck you Vernon, I wish I had never met you.” You forced out jabbing your index finger into his chest as hard as you could, hoping you’d be able to hurt him even further like he had done to you. 

He stayed, not budging, looking down at you with an overwhelming amount of disgust. “You’ve ruined my life.” The whisper escaped your lungs before you could stop it, but the damage had already been done. The two of you had been stripped off of everything, left with nothing. Two once perfect colorful arrays of canvases now painted white. What more did you have to lose?

“And you’ve ruined mine.” He emphasized, making sure each word, each syllable was laced with the same amount of poison he was being consumed with. He wanted them to take a piece of your soul. The same way yours did with his.

It was the final blow he needed to deliver to finally be able to walk out of your life for good. To finally forget the way your presence had his heart doing somersaults. To finally realize he was and had never been yours to begin with. 

Vernon shook his head in disbelief blinking back the angry tears. He grabbed your wrist and slowly peeled your fingers away from his shirt he hadn’t noticed you were clinging onto. His body was shaking just like yours. Emotions he was now experiencing for the first time consuming him slowly. He pushed you away gently, a stark contrast from the hurtful words he had said earlier and quickly made his way to the front door. Hastily putting on his shoes, mumbling underneath his breath. He ignored the groceries again, and tripped over every miscellaneous item that was decorating the floor as he opened the front door. 

Déjà vu hit you like a tsunami, shaking arms wrapped around your torso, sobs falling out of your mouth as you watched him leave just like you had many times before. This time he didn’t love you enough to want to come back. 

When the world had once still revolved around you and Vernon, your fights would never last as long as this one had. It had lasted two days and six hours, but who’s counting? 

You were avoiding one another like the plague not wanting to admit fault. 

“Are you spaced out again?” Seokmin’s voice sounded through the speaker of your phone. You don’t know when the nightly facetime calls became routine, but they were the only thing you look forward to now. Especially after the nasty argument with Vernon two days and six hours ago. 

“Sorry Min.” You shake your head and turn to the side bringing your blanket up to your chin. “What were you saying again?” 

“I’m sorry we had to move dinner to tomorrow night, I forgot I had to babysit my nephew.” He pouted at the camera before turning his attention back to washing the dishes he had used for dinner. 

Since the two of you hadn’t been able to physically have dinner together to celebrate, you figured that having dinner with him through facetime was better than nothing. To keep him company of course and not because he filled the void you had been feeling for days on end. 

The entire time you were holed up in your room and witnessed how gentle he was when it came to his nephew. It made the butterflies in your stomach dance to the beat of their own drums. Once again you found yourself pushing the thought of Seokmin and children away. It was too soon. 

“Don’t apologize, I enjoyed watching you struggle with Minjae. Personally, baby, I’m a fan of when he calls you Min Min.” Seokmin laughed. His smile reached both ends of his face as he turned the faucet off. He dried his hands on a kitchen towel before grabbing his phone. “When I went to put him to bed he said you were pretty...and I mean he’s not wrong you’re gorgeous sweetheart.” He winked making the apples of your cheeks heat up with the light pink of baby flower petals.You watched as he shut off the lights and walked out of his kitchen, trudging silently through the hallway before reaching his room. 

“Since we’re alone now,” he started shutting the door to his room, “You want to tell me what’s been bothering you for the last few days?” He finished. The small complaint falling out of your lips as you hid underneath your blanket. It was amazing how in such a short amount of time Seokmin had been able to read you like a book from start to finish. 

It had taken Vernon a full year to be able to decipher the hidden meaning behind your words.

Vernon...you hated how much he was consuming your thoughts. Even when Seokmin was around. It felt like a curse with no cure. “Just got into a small argument with an old friend.” 

“Have you tried talking to them?” Seokmin walked around before placing his phone down and unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt. “You won’t be able to fix anything if the two of you haven’t talked.” 

“I can’t Seokmin, I said some hurtful things to him and honestly I shouldn’t have said them. I was angry over a situation that wasn’t entirely his fault.” You sighed, removing the blanket from your head and flopping down on your back. “If he didn’t hate me before he does now.” 

“I don’t know what happened with your friend, but I don’t think he hates you. Just try and talk to him and clear the air.” He nodded before laying down on his bed, grabbing the pillow and hugging it. “It doesn’t hurt to at least try.” 

You smiled and nodded. He looked breathtaking underneath the dim light of his room, “If you’re going to be right all the time, I think I might want a refund...again”

“Don’t say that baby...I’ll let you be right on odd days.” 

Saturday night came faster than you had anticipated and somehow you had managed to burn spaghetti. 

Your day had been awful and you were hoping that when nightfall came everything would’ve gotten better. Your wish had fallen on to deaf ears because you had burned spaghetti, Vernon was acting like a grade A asshole, and Seungkwan was ignoring you. 

When Seokmin had arrived. On time. He had found you scrambling in the kitchen trying to remake your famous (easy) pasta dish. Seungkwan and Vernon were arguing over the correct way to set a table...it was chaos.

 Neither of them were correct but you didn’t care enough to correct them. They weren’t talking to you either way. 

When you had managed to finally finish dinner. With the help of Seokmin. He had insisted after he saw how stressed out you looked, the four of you sat in complete silence. Seokmin at your side, holding your hand underneath the table, Vernon eyeing him down like he was his prey and Seungkwan mindlessly scrolled through his phone. The clinking of utensils and your heavy breathing was the only thing that was heard. 

You wanted to die. 

“Um...so I know Seungkwan, but I don’t know you. I’m Seokmin.” He nodded in Vernon’s direction before taking a bite of his pasta. You watched as Seungkwan locked his phone and put it down. His eyes traveled between the two male figures before they settled on yours and you watched as he slightly shook his head.

“I know who you are, you’re the one that she stays up talking to.” He signaled in your direction before setting down his fork and leaning into his chair, crossing his arms in front of him. “I’m Hansol but you can call me Vernon.” 

“Cool...so Vernon, how do you know each other?” Seokmin let go of your hand. The warmth and ease you had felt disappearing as you saw the two of them eye each other. As far as you could tell Vernon wanted to eat Seokmin alive and Seokmin was simply driven by his curiosity. “Did you just move in?” 

Vernon laughed bitterly before pushing his half eaten plate away from him. “You haven’t told him?” He questioned. The amused evil glint adorning his soft eyes. A look you had never once seen him give anyone and now that it was directed towards you. You were terrified. 

“Hansol don’t!” Seungkwan warned. You felt Seokmin’s body stiffen next to you as he looked over at you, an eyebrow raised. “So we’re just going to sit here and pretend we’re one big happy family when we’re all miserable because of her.” Vernon spat out digging his burning gaze into yours. You jumped and looked over at Seokmin who had retreated into himself. His eyes were burning holes into the pasta in front of him. 

“Min I-I can ex-” 

“What does he mean, what is he talking about?” Seokmin interrupted and pushed his plate away from him. Your appetite was gone and you could only assume everyone else was feeling the same way. 

“Tell him. Why don’t you tell him how you were moaning my name a few days ago just like you had done for the past five years.” 

You panicked, your body shaking in intervals of five and you tried to look for anything to say but your lies had finally caught up to you. The only thing you could do was drown and keep drowning, just like you had been doing before Seokmin came into your life and pulled you out of the water. Now you were pushed into it again and this time you were positive no one was going to risk themselves to save you.“Seokmin w-wait please.” You threw your napkin on the table and stood up, the corners landing into the pasta sauce as you turned to face Seokmin. You extended your arm to grab his hand, only for him to pull it back, ”You were just toying with me.” The legs of the chair scraping against the hardwood floor made you jump. Your body going into survival mode. “I saw the marks on you but I just assumed I had accidentally gotten carried away.” 

“You fucked him too, wo-” 

“Vernon, shut up for once please.” You yelled. Your world came crashing down again just like it had on that winter night; in front of the infamous coffeeshop. Both times had been Vernon’s fault. 

“I-I can’t be here.” Seokmin whispered, running a bony hand through his perfectly styled hair, causing it to messily stick out in random places. He sighed before pushing his char in forcefully as he gathered the few things he had brought with. He stepped on the soles of his shoes, not caring about how uncomfortable he felt. The only thing that was running through his mind was how he needed to get out and far away from you as possible. 

“Why can’t you guys let me handle things at my own pace. I was gonna tell him this is why I invited him but I didn’t want him to find out like this.” You shouted, making Seungkwan and Vernon to look at you as if you were a deer and they were the headlights. You shook your head and stood up running past them and the kitchen towards the door that Seokmin had left wide open. Your vision had gone blurry and you opted out at putting on your shoes. It would be a waste of time and you needed to get to him before he left. You were tired of not fighting for what you wanted and you wanted Seokmin enough that it hurt. 

“M-Min please wait! Let me explain.” Seokmin stopped as he was halfway down the first flight of stairs. 

“I understood. I told you I would wait for you because I knew something had happened to you. Yet I never pushed you to tell me. I started to fall for you, only to find out that you didn’t care that you never cared. T-That there was someone else.”

“I-It’s not like that.” You ran down the flights of stairs, ignoring the small pebbles digging into the skin of your feet. “H-Hansol was my soulmate, bu-”

“Was?”

“Yes Seokmin he was my soulmate, please just give me a chance to explain everything.” You grabbed his hand and brought it up to your heart that was going a mile a minute. “We aren’t together and haven’t been together for a year...i-it’s just complicated.” You pleaded. 

“But you slept with him right after our date I’m guessing?” 

“I-I...a...Seokmin please just let me explain. I didn’t sleep with him. When you left he was here and we talked and then one thing led to another but I stopped him because of you. Because I had the most amazing ti-”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better because it doesn’t.” He rolled his eyes and pulled his hand back, stuffing both of them into the pockets of his coat. Goosebumps rose against your skin. You blamed the cool wind of the beginning autumn months but you were very well aware that it was because of the coldness behind Seokmin’s comforting eyes. “Do you still love him?” 

“M-Min I-I...um. I-” 

“God, I really don’t want to look at you right now, I w-wished I h-had never met you.” He whispered. 

Your knees gave up at the realization of his confession and you fell down onto the concrete step of the stairs. You were numbly looking at his worn out shoes as he stood there wordlessly, broken sounds leaving his perfect lips. A breeze blew and you shivered, “I-I’m sorry.” You whispered before he turned around and started down the rest of the flights of stairs leaving you behind. 

When Vernon left, you were heartbroken. 

When Seokmin left, you wanted to die. 

It’s unclear how you made it back into your apartment on the couch under a plethora of blankets, shivering, teeth clattering against one another. You weren’t sure how long you had been out in the cold waiting, hoping for Seokmin to come back and take you into his arms. To hold your shivering body close to his warm one, while whispering the three words you longed to hear most. 

I forgive you.  

That hadn’t been the case though. You sat out there waiting on the concrete steps as the bitter cold overtook your body, until you couldn’t feel your bones anymore. In the midst of your unwavering head, you had lost track of time. And now you are sitting on your couch, listening to soft shuffles of rushed feets and hushed arguments. Tears frozen onto the apples of your cheeks, staring at the blank wall that sat behind the television set. 

“Hey,” Seungkwan’s voice sounded distant as he tried grabbing your attention, shaking you gently. 

The inside of your head was a mess, the files of all your memories going up in flames. You wanted out of your head, to look at Seungkwan’s face morphed with concern. You wanted to cry into his arms just like you had done many times before but you were done. You had let other people deal with your problems for you instead of facing them head on. So, you ignored him and his soft voice to stare at the blank wall. At least the wall wouldn’t be used by you. 

“I ran you a bath, come on.” He placed his palm on your back rubbing it up and down in a soothing manner. You cringed, shrugging his touch away and wrapped the blankets around yourself tighter, retrieving into yourself. “You’re going to freeze to dea-”

“I deserve it.” You mumbled. A tear trickled down your cheek and you looked down at your shivering hands. He was right, the color from your skin had been drained due to the bone chilling cold from the start of the winter months. But you liked wallowing in the numbness, it served as a reminder of how much you truly fucked up. 

“You don’t, now come on before you force me to carry you, you know how weak my back has been lately and you would be doing me a great disservice if I have to carry you all the way to the bathroom.” He said pointedly and tugged on your hands as he stood up taking you along with him. The blankets fell from your shoulders, taking residency on the couch. Seungkwan walked the two of you away from the couch, one of his hands on your back the other holding your arm tightly and tentatively. Almost as if he was afraid that you’ll escape and habituate yourself on the couch again. Your point of focus from the wall was no more, now you were staring around the silent apartment. Your eyes landed on the dinner table, where everything had been left untouched, like nothing had happened. And you wondered if ten minutes had gone by instead of an hour, just like you had presumed. 

The sound of rushing water brought you back to your senses as you and Seungkwan entered the bathroom. The lights were dimmed and he had set up the stress relieving candles the two of you had bought on a whim one Sunday afternoon. It was moments like these when you realized you didn’t deserve to have a friend like Seungkwan. A friend would drop everything and be at your side in seconds at the mumble of the first syllable of his name. Once again you were reminded how much better he deserved. 

“I-I’m sorry.” You whispered watching him through the fogged out mirror. His long fingers toying with the tiny zipper of your dress, unzipping it slowly, careful not to place his cold palms against your already freezing skin. In a different scenario you would’ve made a sexual innuendo about him seeing you naked, even though he had many times. The two of you lived together and the amount of times either of you had accidentally sleepily walked in on each other either changing or showering was almost laughable. At some point it had become so natural that neither of you strayed away from uninterested pairs of eyes. 

“For what?” He raised a brow at you through the mirror. Your dress had now fallen onto the floor leaving you in your matching bra and underwear set. Your arms wrapped tightly around your stomach as you turned around to look at him. 

“E-Everything, I’m the w-worst person ever and here you are t-treating me like a delicate flower. I-I don’t deserve you or Vernon or S-Seokmin.” You sniffed blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. It was a miracle that you hadn’t ran out of tears considering how much you cried daily. At least three times a week. 

Seungkwan let out a laugh and hugged you tightly, his hands brushing the hair away from your face, “You aren’t the worst person ever, right now you might not be your own favorite person or the favorite person of a certain individual.” He pulled back and flicked your forehead gently making you pout, the tears still free falling down your cheeks, his thumbs brushing them away. “I can name a few others that are way worse than you, now get in the bath before I seriously drown you.” Seungkwan treated placing a soft kiss against your forehead. “Sometimes I wish I could take away yours and Vernon’s pain.” 

“Then you’d be weighted down even more by pain that doesn’t belong to you.”

“If it gets the two of you smiling again, I’d take the risk any day.”  

Seungkwan always keeps true to his word.

While he was aggressively washing your hair, he almost did try to drown you and you had never been more scared for your life. 

“This is the last time I let you take care of me.” You pouted bringing your knees up to your naked chest, sending him an almost threatening glare. The tears had stopped along with your shivering, but now you could finally feel the emptiness inside of you. 

 “That’s gonna be hard, I like taking care of you. It’s like my hobby.” He flashed you a smile before turning his attention back to his almost empty wine glass. You sighed, placing your cheek against your knees watching as he poured himself another generous amount of the overly expensive wine you had bought solely for that night. 

“That’s the problem, you shouldn’t like to take care of me, you should’ve kicked me out after my third month here.” You grabbed the bottle from his hand and took a sip from it, cringing at the taste as it traveled down your throat burning slightly. For it to be so expensive you were expecting it to be crafted using grapes sent down from the heavens, but the wine from your corner store was a lot better. Maybe this is where you had gone from in the first place. You had tried to be something you weren’t for Seokmin. Tried to put up a front until you were ready to show him the real you. A foolproof plan that ended up backfiring in the end. You should’ve known. 

“Do you remember the first time we met?” Seungkwan took the bottle from your hand and placed it on the floor. He turned to look at you tugging his knees underneath him and leaned an elbow against the edge of the bathtub. 

“Yeah, it was New Year’s and you were spending it with Hansol’s family because you and your family weren’t on best terms.” You looked away from his glossy eyes and down at the water surrounding you. You dipped a pruned finger into the water creating a small ripple in the once warm, now lukewarm water. 

“Do you remember what you said to me that night before the clock struck twelve.” 

You swished your finger around in the water, watching the ripples grow bigger and bigger, your face breaking into a small smile. The first one you had let decorate your face since everything happened. “I said that whenever I felt down I would always think of you because every time I saw you around campus you always had a smile plastered on your face and your head held high.” You said placing your palm against the water surface and then pushing against it watching as the water swallowed your head. 

“Do you know how much your words meant to me?” He put down his glass on the edge of the bathtub, “I was going through the worst period of time in my life, my relationship with my family was strained, I was failing my classes and the person I was in love with was getting married but your words helped me get through that time in my life. And that’s why I choose to be there for you always...because you were there for me.” 

“Seungkwan I-.” He held his hand up, stopping you from speaking a distant smile plastered on his face as he grabbed the towel next to him and dipped his hand into the bathtub unclogging the drain, creating a tiny whirlpool. 

“I know you’re going to tell me that you were drunk and that your words didn’t deserve to have such an impact on me, and that you still don’t deserve my help, but I don’t want to hear it.” He tapped your shoulder signaling for you to stand, in which you obeyed. You watched silently as he wrapped your towel around you tightly, tiny water droplets chasing down your bare arms and legs. “No matter what happens to you, you will always be able to count on me no matter how annoying I might find you sometimes. I will always be there for you, is that clear?” He finished sternly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you not carrying that you were getting his only designer shirt wet. 

“Crystal.”

“Can I ask you a question?” You beamed up at Seungkwan as he tugged you into bed after helping you dry your hair for an hour. If it were up to you, you would’ve gone to sleep right after you changed into your pajamas, but Seungkwan insisted with a nagging finger on drying your hair because “You should never go to sleep with your hair wet unless you want to wake up sick.” Or so he claimed. 

“Am I going to have to write a dissertation in order to answer it?” He sat down on the edge of his bed, tugging a leg underneath him, resting his elbow against his thigh, his chin the palm of his hand. 

“Nope but you might get mad at me for asking it.” You grinned, positioning your body to the side in a fetal position. Seungkwan rolled his eyes, mumbling how all his hard work in tugging you in had gone to waste and giving you the go head with a small nod of his head. 

“Where’s Vernon?” 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes before leaning over to turn your light off. “I don’t know. After he brought you inside he ran out saying he had somewhere to be.” He turned the switch leaving the two of you in darkness and silence. “Why do you ask?” 

“I want to beat him up for being a jerk.”

“I’ll film it.” 

The brightness of the morning sun made you stir in your sleep, making you wish you had listened to Seungkwan when he had suggested that you buy black out curtains, instead of the sheer ones you bought. With a heavy sigh you felt around your bed looking for your phone knowing very well you hadn’t plugged it in to charge. You wanted the battery to drain out that way you wouldn’t anxiously be waiting for a phone call or text that was never going to come. 

Frustrated due to the realization you continued your search, digging your palm into your sheets letting them melt between your fingers, wishing the other side of your bed wasn’t cold and empty. But the one person you wanted to be next to you didn’t want anything to do with you anymore. 

“Why are you pulling on my hair?” 

Your hand came back to you faster than a lightning bolt and you sat up, eyes wide as saucers as you looked down at the last person you were expecting. “Why are you here?” You brought the sheets up to your shirts, covering your arms that were adorned with the thin strap of the tank top you had used to sleep. 

Vernon buried his face in your sheets, giving himself a moment to recover from being woken up in such an unpleasant way. He had arrived home two hours ago, took his shoes off in a hurry and rushed to your room. He was met with your sleeping form. Limbs splayed out in all directions, your sheets sliding off your body taking up residency on your bedroom floor.

He smiled feeling the nostalgia take over his body like a poisonous drink. He longed to wake up next to you, with the sheets missing and your arm draped his face, while silent snores fell out of your mouth as you stayed sleeping without a care in the world. He looked forward to those mornings. Especially when he was losing you because it was the only time that felt like nothing was happening. The only time he wouldn’t have to avoid looking at you for fear of breaking down whenever he saw the hurt in your eyes. And as you had slept after the shit show that had happened earlier that night, albeit all his fault. He found himself longing for those few seconds of silence as he watched you sleep. 

So, he moved through your room with caution, dodging the specs of light coming in through your window. He picked up your from the floor and carefully placed them on top of you again before sitting down on the floor. His elbow on your bed, chin resting on the palm of your hand and he watched you sleep. The tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, this would be the last time he would be seeing you. At least for a while. He wanted to take everything in, engrave the image of your sleeping face in his mind so he wouldn’t forget about it for a while. 

Unaware he had fallen asleep, and now here he was. His heart thumping out of his chest feeling your eyes dig themselves into the side of his head. He could only be honest, his intentions weren’t malicious to begin with, and lying to you always tore him apart. “I came to say goodbye.” He whispered, raising his head. He brought his hands up to his eyes and diligently rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. His vision grew spotty from how hard he had rubbed them. 

“Oh...where are you going?” You sat up, resting your back against the headboard. It surprised you how soft your voice sounded as it left your mouth and you could tell it had surprised him too. You like him were expecting the coldness, but instead both of your ears were met with warmth. 

“I’m moving back into my parents house, until I find my own place. I was selfish in coming here in the first place. I thought that now because I was alone again we could be together again.” He nodded, focusing on your closet door avoiding your face as the words rushed out of his mouth. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore...at least for a while.” He tore his gaze away from the door and turned to his you. “I’m sorry for everything.” 

A veil of silence swallowed your waking bodies, as the rising sun finished its journey and stayed put. The golden hues of the rays illuminated Vernon’s side profile, bringing out the tiny freckles underneath his eyes. They were bloodshot, you could tell he hadn’t slept despite him just waking up, making you feel a little guilty. If you hadn’t prolonged this situation as much as you did then maybe things would’ve been different last night and this morning. Maybe you’d be waking up to Seokmin’s soft touches instead of Vernon’s broken and guilt ridden stare. 

“I wanted you here Vernon.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around your legs, resting your chin on top of your knees. “We’re equally at fault, though you had been acting like an asshole and I’m still a little upset with you. It’s not all your fault.” You nodded, skimming your hand down your covered legs and placed it on top of his. 

Vernon sighed removing his hand from underneath yours, your touch ignited something inside of him. Something he needed to keep at bay in order to let you go once and for all. “I talked to him last night.” He leaned back on his arms, his fingers digging into the fuzziness of your white carpet. He looked at you through his bangs, smiling at the confusion written all over your sleepy face. “Dokyeom, he’s funny.” 

The sound of his name sounded foreign coming out of Vernon’s mouth. You almost convinced yourself you had still been dreaming if it wasn’t for the clattering pans in the kitchen, obviously Seungkwan’s doing. “You’re lying to me again.” 

“I only lied to you once and I regret it every waking moment I see you, but this time I’m not.” He said crossing his jean clad legs underneath him, “I followed him after I brought you back inside, he punched me.” He laughed and pointed to the side of his jaw that had started to form a light bruise, making your brows furrow in concern. “It’s not as bad as it looks, my jaw is still intact, plus I deserved it.” 

“You did. If he hadn’t done I would’ve.”

“Yeah, and it would’ve hurt more coming from you.” He rolled his eyes brushing off the subject with a swipe of his hand against the air, “I apologized to him and he taught me how to make a vase...did you know he’s part owner of a pottery studio?” 

You laughed at the splendor in Vernon’s voice. The awkward air that had been crushing both pairs of lungs subsided, “I did he promised he’d take me one day but I guess it won’t happen now.” You shrugged, a side smile forming against your lips. “I’m a little jealous you got to live out my fantasy.” 

“Yeah his hands are big and muscular and soft, I felt safe in his arms as he taught me how to form the shape.” Vernon joked. You rolled your eyes and grabbed your pillow before hitting him with it, making him groan. “That hurt.” 

“Good, I was hoping it did.” 

“You’re just jealous that he and I share a birthday.” 

“No you don’t.” You pouted and laid down again crossing your arms in front of you like a child. The guilt consumed you once again but this time because you had been so focused with your problems that you hadn’t taken the chance to actually get to know Seokmin. You hadn’t actually tried to get to know him better and you couldn’t blame him for what he had told you last night. If you were in his shoes, you would also regret ever meeting you. 

“What else did he say?” You voiced, untangling your arms and turning your body to face Vernon’s sitting form. He smiled before standing up and brushing the invisible lint balls from his jeans. He extended his hand for your to take, earning a curious stare from you. 

“He wants to see you but first you have to eat breakfast.” 

After a very uneventful breakfast that consisted of Seungkwan’s nagging (out of love) and leftovers. The three of you helped Vernon carry his stuff out to his car. It was a bittersweet feeling, to see the same scenario play out the same way it did almost over a year ago. This time neither of you were hurting and longing for one another. 

“Get in.” Vernon shouted as he closed the trunk of his car, dusting his hands in front of him. He pointed to the passenger seat door, a wide smile on his face as he rounded the corner and opened the door. “I have to take you somewhere.” 

“W-What, but I-I haven’t showered and I’m still in my pajamas.” You looked between Vernon who was holding open the door and Seungkwan who had started looking around, whistling and you realized that whatever Vernon was planning, Seungkwan had been in on it too. 

“You look fine, now get in before I get punched again.”

“Kwanie help me please.” You pleaded grabbing onto the sleeves of his coat. Not knowing what was happening or what was going to happen only added to the stress of last night. 

“I think I left the stove on, I’m going to go save our apartment from burning down.” He winked peeling your fingers from the sleeves of his coat and shoved you towards the car. “Have fun, don’t stay out too late, you still have to clean your room.” He shouted as he turned around and started jogging towards the entrance of the building. 

“I have no choice do I?” You sighed looking at Vernon’s scheming face. He shook his head and signaled you to hurry up with the sudden movement of his hand. “Fine, if I end up dead though I’m coming back to haunt you and Seokmin’s asses.” You mumbled in annoyance, the skin of your legs gaining bumps as a cold breeze blew. 

Vernon waited, holding the door to his car open for you as you quickly got into the passenger seat of his car. While you got in quickly desperately seeking some kind of warmth. “Are you ready?” He closed the door gently once he was sure you were fully inside and buckled up, leaning his elbows against the open window. 

“To be kidnapped, nope. But I have no choice.” 

Vernon stopped his car in front of an unnamed warehouse, unlocked the doors and basically shooed you out of it, “The side door is unlocked.” He said, pointing to an inconspicuous grey door before speeding off and leaving you alone, your heart against your throat. 

You stood there in the middle of the parking lot, the bitter cold wrapping around you like a frozen blanket. And for once in your life you wished you had new friends, preferably ones that wouldn’t leave you in the middle of nowhere, in your pajamas and without a phone. You realized you had left it midway through your silent journey in Vernon’s old car. You had reached over for the volume knob turning it all the way down. The song that belonged to one of the mixtapes he had once made disappeared from his failing speakers.  He had laughed when you told him, “You won’t need it anyway.” He reassured, pressing his foot on the gas as the light turned to an obnoxious yellow. 

Now you were left stranded, cold and fearing for your life, refusing to move from your spot, eyeing the grey door in suspicion and fear. “Come in before you die.” You jumped as the grey door slammed open, revealing a boy with reddish hair and glasses perched on top of his nose, wearing grey paint splattered overalls. You contemplated ignoring him at first but then another cold breeze blew, followed by a few snowflakes and you knew you had no choice, but to follow the boys commands. 

“Who are you?” You questioned as you jogged towards him and then past him, your body engulfed with the warmth of the warehouse, and you let out a sigh of relief. 

“Minghao, I’m one of the owners of this place.” He said after closing the door behind him making you jump slightly at the sound of metal hitting metal. “You know we’re in the middle of winter, not summer.” He said pointedly, eyeing you down. And you felt stupid although your attire hadn’t been your doing. If it had been entirely up to you, you wouldn’t be wearing sleep shorts, a tank top, a thin sweater and soping house slippers. 

“Yeah, it’s a long story.” 

“And I’m sure I’ll hear it one day but your lover boy is waiting behind the curtains.” Minghao smiled and wrapped a black winter coat around your shoulders, rubbing your arms gently before pulling away. “He hasn’t slept, so please tell him too once you finish confessing your love to one another or whatever people do after a fight.” He shoved you lightly towards the creme curtains that separated what seemed like an art room from whatever room was on the other side. 

“Also if you need to do like gross couple stuff, can you do it in his room and not the living room.” He stated before grabbing a paint brush and sitting in front of a half painted canvas. Nothing had taken shape yet and you wondered if that was his intention or if he was stuck and just decided to paint whatever came to his mind. Whatever the reason was, you’d have to wait because the creme colored curtain was whispering your name at a decibel only you could hear begging you to reveal what was on the other side. So, you did, pulling it back harder than you had intended, your breath catching itself in the back of your throat. 

Your eyes traveled around what seemed to be a living room. The navy blue couch had been pushed to the far end of the room, the back resting against the brick wall. A whole wall filled with all the books you could imagine and you found yourself laughably fighting the urge to run your finger tips against all their spines. There was a kitchen, though it looked more like it had never been used, the overflowing sink filled with dishes told you otherwise. And finally sitting in the middle, on a paint splattered dining room table was Seokmin, his bright and pleading eyes taking your attention away from the bags that laid underneath them. A two tier crooked cake sitting in front of him, with the words “I’m sorry,” written in purple icing. 

“Seokmin I-” You started but the words escaped your mouth as your feet mindlessly made your way towards him. For a split second you stood in front of him as he looked up at you, his hands shaking on his lap, and you threw yourself at him, hugging him tightly as you buried your face into his neck taking in his scent. Fearing that this might be the last time you would be smelling it, as it almost was. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you sooner, but I got scared. I didn’t want you to think of me as different, as impure, used, b-broken. I-I don’t know.” Your words rushed out almost creating an incoherent sentence against his soft skin. You felt him suck in a breath before wrapping his arms around you tightly, his palms running down your back soothingly. 

“I’m sorry too I wasn’t completely honest with you either. I know how you felt, it wasn’t easy for me when I first lost the person I loved and I wasn’t expecting to find you so soon that day either at the field.” He whispered, kissing your temple gently before pulling back and brushing the loose strands of hair away from your face. “I told you that I’d wait for you but I think I was telling myself that too.” 

“Wait you mean...what...when?” You searched his face for any indication of incenserity but all you found was warmth, longing and love. 

“Around spring of last year, we were by the cherry blossoms when it happened.” He nodded and you felt the sting of colorful swirls erupt inside of you. “They left me that day and I haven’t seen them since.” He finished cradling your face in his hands, looking into your eyes with so much intensity you were sure you would melt. 

“That’s when it happened to Vernon and I.” You placed a palm against your forehead, your blowing out of their sockets because for the first time since that day everything had started to fall into place. 

“He told me last night, we also share a birthday which is crazy.” He said matter of factly, causing a small laugh to escape your lips, “do you think we can maybe start over?” He pouted, brushing the stray tears that had fallen from the corner of your eyes way.

“I’d love nothing more Seokmin.” You whispered and closed the tiny gap between the two of you finally connecting your lips with his, the butterflies erupting in the pits of your stomach. Behind your closed eyelids you could see the colorful burst of emotions harbored deep inside you, turning different shades of blue, purple and pink as the kiss deepened. It was something you had never witnessed before and to say it was overwhelming would be an understatement. You felt on cloud nine and you didn’t want it to stop, but the air was running out of your lungs the quicker the kiss got and you could tell Seokmin was feeling the same way as his chest started heaving underneath your palms, so you pulled back, your pants matching up with his. 

For the first time since you met him, your world around you seemed to intensify. Everything was brighter, glowing with a fierceness you had never once experienced. The two of you stayed silent staring into each other’s eyes, your heart hammering against your chest as you noticed the subtle specs of gold that were mixed deep within his dark eyes. You didn’t want to stop looking at them, not when you felt his hand cup your chin to pull you back in for another kiss. 

“Do you feel it too?” You whispered, your lips hovering over his threatening to close the gap again. 

“Feel what?” He teased, rubbing his nose against yours, heating up the blood in your body. And you prayed he wouldn’t see the slight sheen of sweat that had started to form against your hairline. 

“Like you’re home?” 

“Yes” The simple three letter word, sent you into a frenzy and you once again kissed him. This time with more fever than the last, because in Seokmin’s arms you finally felt like you could fall.

[amythedvdhoarder]

Storm in a Teacup

Pairing: Bucky x Divorced Reader

Word Count: ~2K

Warnings: Fluff, a monster of an ex-mother-in-law

Summary: You���re on your first date after your divorce. Who should you run into? Your ex-mother-in-law.

A/N: This comes from a request sent in by a lovely nonnie, who wanted a fic based around a divorced reader who runs into her ex-mother-in-law whilst on a date with Bucky. Before that point, Bucky didn’t know about her divorce. Embarrassment ensues and Bucky has to make up his mind about what to do next. I hope I have done your idea justice. Sorry it took me so long.

Thank you to the wonderful @drabblewithfrannybarnes​ for beta reading for me. Ily hun 😘

It had taken a long time for you to get to this position, to feel comfortable enough to be dating again. But you had been separated from your now ex-husband for two and a half years, your divorce finalised 6 months ago. It was time to try and have some semblance of a life. You felt guilty about not revealing your divorce to Bucky, but when you moved to New York you really wanted a fresh start, so you didn’t tell anyone about your past. Of course, if there came a time when Bucky needed to know then you would tell him, but this was just a coffee.

Bucky and you had begun talking a few months ago. It started when he was dropping off mission reports with small smiles, progressing to hello’s and then to you making him coffee whenever he stopped by during your lunch break, which he always seemed to arrive in time for. He had realised quickly that you weren’t a New York native, so traded your museum recommendations for tv, film and music recommendations. Each time you met you discussed your latest weekend museum trip and he told you his thoughts on the latest thing he had watched or listened to.

It was clear that you two had a connection. Your co-workers had even commented on how well you and the notoriously silent super-soldier seemed to get along. They were surprised that you hadn’t been on a date already. But you had reservations; perhaps it was too soon. Plus, there was no way Bucky would be interested in you. He was just polite and maybe enjoyed having someone who wasn’t a superhero to talk to. It was a shock when he asked you out for coffee the next time you saw him. You were even more shocked that you had agreed without any hesitation.  

You were nervous. In fact, nervous was an understatement. Sick to your stomach was a more accurate description. It wasn’t the fact that it was a date with Bucky Barnes, it was the fact it was a date. Your first, first date in nearly 10 years.  

Bucky was leaning against a lamppost, outside your apartment waiting for you. When you saw him you felt yourself instantly relax. He gave you his signature lopsided grin that you had come to crave and ambled over to you.

“You look great,” he said as he stood back and admired you.

“Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself for an old man,” you teased. That was the understatement of the century. He looked like a model in his dark wash jeans, dark blue henley layered over a black t-shirt and a leather jacket in his hand.

He shook his head and chuckled to himself. “Theoretically we’re about the same age you know.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Hmmm well I don’t know about that, but we better get going otherwise we’ll be out past your bedtime.”

“What happened to respecting your elders?” Bucky winked.

“Maybe elders that don’t act like teenage boys, but you and Sam are like high-school kids.”

Bucky looked confused for a second and then remembered that you had caught him and Sam hiding Steve’s shield under your desk the other week.

Bucky threw his hands up in surrender. “Alright, you win.”

The coffee shop was only a couple of streets away, on a corner opposite one of your favourite parks. Bucky and you ordered together and found a table near the window.

Both of you were chatting away about an art gallery you had visited the day before when you were suddenly interrupted.

“You,” that was a voice you would recognise anywhere, a voice which still haunted you. One of constant criticism, one that drove a wedge between you and the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with.

“Hello Eliza,” you said through a forced smile.

Bucky stood and politely offered his hand to Eliza, but she ignored it leaving Bucky to sit down awkwardly.

“What brings you to New York?” you asked curtly.

“Well Leon and I are visiting my sister,” you balked, glancing quickly around the room, checking for any sign of him.

“He’s not here so you can stop looking. My son had a lucky escape by all accounts,” she sent a sneering look towards Bucky and then back to you. “Barely divorced and already moving on. I always suspected you were a whore; this just confirms it.”

Tears sprang to your eyes; she was publicly humiliating you. Calling you out for being a whore, when you had done nothing but be faithful to her son throughout your marriage and in fact whilst going through the long and bitter divorce. It was her son who couldn’t keep it in his pants. Anger took over and just as you were about to respond Bucky stood up and moved in front of you.

“Sorry I don’t know who you are, but you have no right to speak to anyone like that,” his voice low and urgent, his metal hand clenching and unclenching quickly by his side.

Eliza smirked, eyes flicking up and down at the man standing in front of her. “Ah I recognise you off the news, you two make the perfect match. Both damaged goods that no normal person could want.”

You stood up and went to stand by Bucky’s side, gently taking his arm in your hands. “That’s enough Eliza, we aren’t family anymore, you have made it evidently clear you want nothing to do with me. The feeling is very much mutual. We have nothing more to say to each other so goodbye.”

She let out a little exclamation of shock, but she quickly recovered her sharp exterior. Without saying another word, she just turned on her heels and left the coffee shop.

Bucky gently led you back to your seat, ignoring the people staring at both of you. You looked like you were in shock.

“Hey…” his thumb caught the tears that had begun to roll down your cheeks, “she’s not worth your tears.”

This seemed to finally snap you out of your daze. You look at Bucky and everything just seemed so overwhelming. He was being too kind. Eliza had been right, you were damaged, Bucky deserved more than you, someone who could at least be honest about themselves.

‘I’m sorry Bucky…” you grabbed your bag and tore yourself away from him, running out the café and onto the busy street.

He didn’t follow you immediately like he wanted to, he knew you needed some space. Bucky didn’t know you well but wanted to, he was going to be there for you if you let him. Besides he had an inkling about where you were.

You were exactly where he thought you would be, sat on a bench in the park, covered by a weeping willow.

“Mind if I sit,” you jumped at the intrusion. Bucky stood in front of you, holding two take-out cups from the coffee shop and what looked like a very chocolatey cookie.

All of you could do was nod, the shame of Eliza’s words and your own dishonesty still coursing through you.

“Here,” Bucky offered you the cup and you numbly accepted. “Do you want to split this?” he held up the bag and you rolled your eyes at him. “I mean, I’m quite happy to eat it all,” he sent you a lopsided grin.

You couldn’t help the little snort that escaped you. “We’ll split it, would hate for you to have to spend an extra hour in the gym burning off a whole cookie.”

“You’re too kind,” he teased, opening the bag and poking out the cookie for you to snap off half of it.

Both of you sat and ate without uttering a word to one another. You couldn’t believe he was being so nice to you; you certainly didn’t deserve it.

“I can see why you like it here so much,” Bucky commented, breaking the silence.

“Bucky, how did you know I’d be here?” You turned to face him and took a sip of your coffee.

“I’ve seen you here before. But before you think I’ve been stalking you let me explain. I grew up around here, a couple of blocks away actually. I like to come here for a walk sometimes to remember the happier more carefree times. I spotted you one day but you looked so content in your own little world, I didn’t want to interrupt.” His cheeks flushed slightly with his admission.

He cleared his throat and looked at the coffee cup in his hands before continuing. “Then I started coming here more regularly, hoping I would see you, but I never plucked up the courage to come and talk to you.”

“I’m sorry Bucky” you said quietly.

“That’s the second time you’ve apologised to me today and I still don’t know what you’ve got to be sorry about. It’s not your fault that woman was way out of line. You don’t owe me an apology for anything,” His brows knitted together with concern and it made you feel even more guilty.

“I should’ve told you about the divorce,” smiling ruefully, placing your empty coffee cup between you on the bench.

“I already knew,” he shrugged.

“What? How? I hadn’t told anyone at work,” you spluttered in shock.

“That’s how,” he nodded to where your thumb and forefinger were twisting around where your wedding ring used to be.

You let go immediately and shook your head. “Why did you ask me out for coffee if you knew about my divorce?”

It was perplexing to you that anyone would want to come anywhere near you after your divorce. You had just assumed you would be alone forever. No one had two people out there meant for them. Well, maybe Leon hadn’t been your one.

“We can’t help our past,” Bucky flexed his metal hand, “I know that better than most. All we can do is make the most of our future. I like you, have since I met you. In fact, Sam got so fed up of me talking about you, that he threatened to ask you out himself if I didn’t hurry up and get on with it. Not that I didn’t want to, it’s just thought you could do so much better that an ex-brainwashed assassin.”

“You’re a good man Bucky, anyone would be lucky to have you” you whispered.  

Bucky leant over and wiped away the tears you hadn’t realised had begun to roll down your cheeks. “I don’t just want anyone though,” His deep blue eyes peered into yours trying to get across his meaning.

“I like you too Bucky, but we’ve got to take this slow.” His face lit up at your words and he took your hand and pressed it to his lips.

“I’m over 100 years old, slow suits me. But seeing as our first date was hijacked would you like to get some dinner with me? I know a diner around the corner has the best burger in the city.”

“Sounds perfect, but only if you let me get it this time. I owe you for the coffee and the cookie.” You offered.

“I think I just about agree to terms of that deal,” Bucky laughed, scooped up the rubbish and got to his feet. “Shall we?” he asked, offering you his free hand.

You put your hand in his and got to your feet. “Let’s go.”

Gif not mine, credit to the creator

Divider made by the talented @firefly-graphics​

Taglists are open. Let me know if you want in or out

Everything:

@stargazingfangirl18 ,  @silentcoyotesong, @queenofstarliqht, @buckys-henley, @lonelyheartsm @alexa-lightwood-blog, @angrythingstarlight, @drabblewithfrannybarnes, @rogueheretic555, @rebekahdawkins, @chrissquares, @pumpkin-and-pine, @hereforbuckyandsteve, @drakelover78, @baddie-barnes, @cas25214, @pandaxnienke, @thehumanistsdiary, @saiyanprincessswanie, @ladyacrasia, @sweeterthanthis, @joannie95, @lennon-knox, @navybrat817

Bucky:

@its-izzys, @archy3001

[nightmarewritings]

May i request number 28 from the prompts for Vincent. Words are “i’ve been waiting all day…” and “i’m not done with you yet.” Congrats to 500! =)

Sorry this took so long, I hope it's alright! Not Worksafe!

Vincent Sinclair - “I've Been Waiting All Day”

You hadn't seen Vincent since the previous night, when he went down to his workshop to do some last minute adjustments on a small figurine he had been sculpting. Normally, he would have finished it, but he seemed to be under some sort of artist's block, leaving him irritable and downright hostile at times, shrugging off all your attempts at affection and pushing you away.

But this had been going on for days. And frankly, you were tired of it. He had taken you as his captive muse for a reason, damn it, and he couldn't just ignore you now that he had gotten you all attached. Even though there was still always that chance he would grow tired of you, or frustrated by you, and make you just another wax figure, pretty to look at but forever still.

You didn't want that. You just wanted him to acknowledge you, to show at least a little interest. Your hand trembled very slightly as you steadied yourself against the wall, making your way downstairs to his workshop. Unlike the rest of the House of Wax, the foundation at least wasn't entirely made of wax, but there was enough roughly smeared on the wall that the texture always left a slightly unpleasant feel against your skin when you touched it.

Just like you thought, he was still sitting at his desk, struggling with the wax miniature. His tools, small and precise, worked away at the face, and you stood watching him for several minutes. He didn't make even the slightest move to show he knew you were there, but you knew he was aware of your presence.

A muffled but audible grunt of frustration came from under his mask, and he scraped the face away, stabbing the tool into its head several times for good measure. You couldn't watch any more of it.

Walking up behind him, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him backwards into a hug. He tensed, he never seemed to get used to your affection, and remained still, waiting for you to let go.

“I've been waiting all day... C'mon, Vincent, you need a break. Sometimes that's the best thing you can do for art, just walk away and leave it for later.”

He swiveled his chair around to face you. It could be so difficult to tell what he was thinking sometimes, with his unmoving wax mask ever present despite your pleas, but he did at least seem to be taking your words into consideration.

Vincent wiped his hands on his apron before standing up, removing his apron, and draping it where he had just sat. With every step he took towards you, you found it hard to not take one step back. Even after all this time, he still had an intimidating feel to him.

His arm shot out, grabbing you and pulling you close. Vincent turned and pressed you against the hard, wax-covered wall of his workshop.

Soft words came from behind his mask, only audible enough for you to know you couldn't and weren't meant to understand them. His hands, calloused but soft, slid down your stomach, pushing your shorts down to your knees, pulling them the rest of the way off. He wasted no time in lowering his own  pants, just enough to free his rapidly hardening cock.

Vincent lifted you up, your toes just barely off the floor, and pinned you tightly to the wall with his elbow. Reaching between your legs once more, he spread you open just enough to force the tip of his cock inside, before grabbing your hips and impaling you.

You cried out in a mix of both pain and pleasure. With Vincent, you could never seem to tell what sort of experience you would get with him, sometimes he was soft and gentle, treating you like a delicate glass ornament, his darling muse. Other times, he was brutal and relentless, taking what he wanted from you until you were all sobs and smiles.

You had one arm wrapped around his shoulders and the other back against the wall, scrambling to find some way to feel sturdy as Vincent fucked up into you. Your legs wrapped around his waist and you tried to ignore the rough feeling of the wax scratching against your ass.

It was difficult to decide what to focus on, your eyes wanted to close, the sensations in your lower half always felt much stronger that way, but there was something appealing about watching Vincent's eye through his mask, the way it stared with a burning intensity at your face just sent pleasant chills down your spine. You were so close.

But before you could reach that point, Vincent pressed you further against the wall, so roughly you were certain there would be an imprint in the wax, his muscles tensing and his hips rolling against your own. He came with an audible grunt, filling you up and pulling out, letting your body slide to the floor as he walked back over to his desk, putting himself away and zipping back up. He picked up the abandoned statuette, looking it over with a renewed vision.

Standing up was a challenge, your legs felt weak and wobbly, no doubt there would bruises forming later, but you walked over to him, leaning against the wall for added support.

“Vincent, I'm not done with you yet.” You mumbled, leaning your head against his shoulder.

Vincent rolled his eye and placed the miniature back on his desk. He could stand to waste a few more minutes with you, and maybe he would be lucky enough to become inspired. After all, you were his muse.

[plxtokid]

summer rain - zutara oneshot

Pairing: Zuko x Katara (Zutara)

Rating: General Audience

Word Count: 1.6k

Prompt: “Try again.”

Author’s Note: Hello again! School has been kicking my ass recently but no homework today so I got to edit this oneshot which I’ve been neglecting for far too long (thank you @refulgentart for helping my dumbass edit ily). I don’t normally touch ATLA in terms of writing, but I saw this really rad piece of art by the amazing @elithien (which you can find here) that inspired me to try it out :) You can find the link for the ao3 version of this here (please go and throw some kudos at it if you’d like <3). Please enjoy!

requests open, notes appreciated :) thanks for sticking around!

Hand-to-hand combat was the fucking worst, and Zuko grinned knowing that was exactly what Katara was thinking. In retrospect, she knew it was so much easier to channel your energy into something like water, graceful, flowing, gentle yet powerful; than to use just the power available to you. In this case, the power available to her was her small, not particularly muscular limbs. Her thin fingers were not built to fight, just to dance with the water.

This is probably why Zuko looked like he was having such a good time. In the early twilight next to the small campfire they had set up, his body was one with the flickering of the shadows, tall and imposing as they wavered on the trunks of the tall evergreens. Fire was force. Fire was brutal and unforgiving and a promise; the eternal promise of power. There was a reason they were originally so opposed to each other- she went to sleep every night remembering that crystal cave, both of them bathed in the soft blue glow of the walls. As if it was just them, sitting at the bottom of a still ocean. The world was so vast, and they clung to each other the way snow stuck to her clothes. Despite everything that followed, she didn't think they ever let go. But she felt different now, Zuko had redeemed himself in every way that was available to him, and then every way that wasn't. She watched as he constantly sought out ways to make her life better. The last few years following the end of his father’s reign he spent rebuilding his country and fixing their friendship, both with a gentle hand the late Fire Lord Ozai was never capable of. The way he looked at her like he did after she told him about her mother, she saw it in his gaze every day. 

“Katara, you okay?” She snapped out of whatever haze she was in, looking back at Zuko who relaxed his stance. They were practicing turning kicks, but all she could do was think about the way he looked at her. She let out a sharp breath in an attempt to snap herself out of whatever place her mind was at. This wasn't productive for either of them, she tried to push off her embarrassment, getting into stance. 

“Sorry, I’m ready,” she stated firmly. He nodded with a small and forgiving smile and got into a defense stance.

“He never used to smile like that.” She kicked, turning her foot out as she raised her other leg up and swung forward towards his arms. She knew it was a bad one before she even followed through on the motion. 

“Try again, this time use your right arm to propel you forward.” He gave her a small nod of encouragement and she tried again. This time her foot met its target, but still pretty sloppy. She was so used to being loose and open. This art of fighting was all tight and close, she wasn't familiar with being so close to herself. The arms guarding her chest missed the mindless dance of limbs and water, she felt more like a rock in a stream. He got out of stance and took a few steps toward her, positioning himself behind her. She tried not to react as he put one hand on her arm and another on her waist. His hands were similar to hers, fire and water both came from long, thin fingers. But his hands had seen battle, fire drew his calloused fingers and palms, yet he held her as if she was glass.

“Keep your shoulders down and your left arm close,” He pulled her arm closer in towards the two of them, blocking her chest area. “If you’re using your other arm to add force, be ready to bring it up-” he guided her arm up, “out,” as he pushed her arm out with his right hand, she could feel his breath on her ear, “and back towards you to protect yourself.” When he brought her arm back towards her chest, he paused. They lingered there for a moment. Stood with his hand on her waist and his other arm wrapped around her torso.  She could have burst into Summer rain if he held her a second longer, but he let go, the heat of his hand on her arm and waist dissipated. She didn’t know if she wanted that feeling to stay. He took a few steps back and got into position.

“Try again.” His eyes never left hers. She nodded and gave him a small smile, and he looked as if he was trying not to smile back as she pushed all of her energy into her right side and kicked into his arms. The impact seemed to make a slight echo, the sound of their connection bounced off the trees and was lost in the ambiance of the grasshoppers and wind. But it was there, she still felt it in her core, whatever this feeling was. 

Katara tried again. And she tried again. It may have been an hour of her kicking, Zuko giving feedback and her adjusting a little bit, hoping her muscles would remember this the way she could remember the water. Eventually when the night caught up to them, with shallow breath and tired muscles, the two sat against the fallen log that laid next to the fire as they ate. After eating in silence for a while, Katara paused. “How…” she trailed off. She didn’t understand how to phrase the question in a way that a fire bender would understand. He looked over at her with curious intent, and she almost could bear his gaze, she still felt the outline of his hand on her waist. 

“How do you remember? With water, it’s how I grew up, how I lived, spoke, fought, loved-” she caught herself, realizing how far this question went. “Fire is all you know, it’s what you were taught, it’s the society you lived in, it shows in how you live and interact with people,” she looked over at him to see if he understood. He nodded, understanding and pushing her to continue. “When it is just fighting, with no elements involved, how do you remember something that hasn't been a part of you your whole life?” She looked over at him, but not in his eyes. She would do anything to avoid his eyes in that moment, an attempt to ignore the feeling of him studying her. But he nodded, and looked into the endless forest that surrounded them. She could see him thinking over the question, the way one evaluates a battle strategy. He nodded to himself and scooted over closer to her. She tried to ignore her heart, now banging on the front of her chest like a trapped animal.  

“Knowing and feeling are different, you and I know that more than everyone,” she nodded, understanding but not knowing where he would lead his advice. “When you know something, it’s shallow. There might be effort, but it will always only be half of what you are capable of until you can feel it. It’s the same way you feel when you look back on memories, or think about someone you love or hate.” Zuko stopped and looked over at her, but wouldn’t look at her in the eyes. She knew the void expression, the eyes of someone who held the weight of death in their hands and should have let go of it long ago. The way a child in war only remembers the pain they caused because it was all they knew. That child was Zuko, and she tried to restrain herself, knowing he still blames himself for the death of her mother. “When you remember fighting, it isn’t like learning at school. Remember the kicks and the punches like they are a feeling, one that constantly fills you and follows you. It can be bad or good, but it’s a feeling that you can call on whenever, and it’ll be there for you.” She looked at him, taking in his words and their underlying emotions as he looked down at the forest floor, mindlessly weaving the grass between his fingers. 

“I understand,” she said, almost but not quite a whisper, barely heard over the lull of the wind. She sat on his left side, towards his scar. To him, she knew it was painful. Katara saw where he drew his fight and his flame from. But she saw it differently. To her, his scar was a promise to be better, a promise to both of them she remembered every day. She leaned forward, tracing the bottom of the scar around his cheek. Almost to her surprise, she felt as he leaned into her touch, and she regretted the day she asked him to remove it, a reminder of how much they had grown since they were kids, stuck in a war that wasn't theirs to fight. 

“Thank you,” she said, leaning forward and holding the other side of his face as she lightly kissed the area next to his eye. The smell of smoke and pine lingered around him, and she took as much of it in as she could. Her lips lingered, and the heat of his skin on her lips made her almost giddy. He smiled, his hand finding hers and giving it a small squeeze. The midnight sky glimmered through the trees, and Katara gazed up. The feeling of this, of now, forever imprinted in her.

[johannstutt413]

(requested by mathmaticalknight) TOURNAMENT ARC

Nearl was in her room, tending to her equipment, when there was a knock on her door. “I wonder who that might be...Maria?”

“Sister!” Blemishine wrapped her arms around Margaret’s neck and pulled her in for a close and loud hug (armor plates). “It took me forever to find someone who knew the way to your place, but you’re actually here!”

“When did you get her, Maria? I thought you and Zofia were still working out the details.”

The other Nearl simply beamed at her. “She said she’d be here soon and that I could go ahead. It’s a good thing I did, too - there are posters all over saying you’re fighting someone today. Is that true?”

“I am, yes,” she confirmed. “The Doctor organized a tourney for Operators in all positions to prove themselves, if they so desire.”

“Are you gonna go easy on them, or is the Radiant Knight going to be fighting in a new venue?” The look on Maria’s face was a blend of concern and excitement - after all, it’s not every day she got to see her sister fight.

The older Nearl thought about it for a moment before going for another hug. “My opponent is my sparring partner, and I know she will be giving this fight her all. It would be a dishonor not to do the same.”

“Then I’ll be watching you from the stands.” She sighed. “Next time I see you, though, can we hug without all this metal in the way?”

“If you’d like, you can come to dinner with me.” Margaret hadn’t had the chance to ‘properly’ introduce her to her girlfriends, after all.

Blemishine nodded. “That sounds good to me...Alright, you need to finish preparing for your fight, so I’m going to find the Doctor. I heard there’s an Engineering Department here, and I want to go talk to them before the match. Good luck!”

“Thank you, Maria.” As the shining knight left, the Radiant Knight returned to her maintenance. “Tonight, however, luck will not be a factor.”

TOURNAMENT ARC: NEARL VS HOSHIGUMA (continuing...sort of from this [I keep forgetting which ships are already established in some of this multiverse soup going on; can’t make it a direct continuation because of the first fic in that two-part series, but Tourney!RI still has a horse triumvirate nonetheless. ANYWAY.])

——–

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Operators, Staff, and Esteemed Guests! Welcome one and all to the Top Operator Tourney!!! *crowd cheers*

“Thanks, Hung! I love how consistent he is with that...Anyways, hi! You’re probably wondering why we’re here-”

“We should introduce ourselves first, Swire.”

“Good point, good point. Well, I’m Swire, aka Hoshi’s biggest fan, and here with me in the commentator’s booth is Meteor. You’re Nearl’s girlfriend, right?”

“That is why I’m here, yes. I appreciate the Doctor allowing us to do this, especially since you and I don’t talk very often. Do you have the statistics in front of you? My tablet and I are having a fight.”

“Yeah, I’ve got ‘em. *clears throat* So, looking at the numbers, my girl’s got the advantage when it comes to size, experience and stamina, but Nearl is faster, more tactical, AND she’s got some serious Arts at her disposal. Hoshi’s got an uphill battle ahead of her, I say.”

“It’s important to note that Margaret Nearl and Hoshiguma both are in the top three seeds for the Defender bracket - first and third respectively - which means regardless of the apparent discrepancy, both are incredibly skilled combatants. Accounting for the amount of time they spend dueling each other to keep their skills sharp, and I suspect this fight will be much closer than the numbers would imply.”

“I certainly hope so! No offense, but I do want Hoshi to win this - if Nearl loses, you’re still in the tourney, after all.”

“That is true...But we’ll simply have to agree to disagree.”

“Yeah. Well, let’s get to the action!...Also, why did you say her actual name rather than her codename?”

——–

Hoshiguma and Nearl walked into the coliseum, fully prepared for the fight ahead of them. The Oni took up a defensive stance, holding her shield just above the ground and planting her feet. “Well, Marge, today’s the day. Promise you’re not gonna hold back on me?”

“I swear by my honor as a knight: today, I will not stay my hand.” The Kuranta unsheathed her blade, already glowing beneath the bright lights above. “I entrust your life to the Medics of Rhodes Island. Ready?”

“It’s your time, not mine.”

A curious turn of phrase...With that, the fight was on.

Nearl’s first goal was knocking out that shield arm. Fixing amputations was something the Medics could do (at least, Aak and Warfarin could), but ideally she wouldn’t have to do that much damage. She charged forward, feinted going one direction but bounded the opposite way, and swung for her opponent’s arm, lighting up her blade as she did with a dazzling gleam-

-only for Hoshi to pull her arm towards her body, forcing the Knight to clip the shield instead and feel the sting of her opponent’s Thorns. “You’re taking this seriously. Good.”

“Of course I am.” The Kuranta had lost all her forward momentum thanks to the deflection, but that didn’t stop her from spinning around; her next attack was an attempt to knock the Oni’s shield out of the way with her own before landing a sword stroke, once again lighting it up before the attack would land. “Hyah!”

“Good try.” Rather than block the swing, Hoshiguma punched Nearl’s sword arm, taking the blade to her forearm but nevertheless crippling her opponent in the process. The counterattack sent the disarmed warrior backward and left Lungmen’s strongest with a choice: charge forward, get Hannya spinning, and go on the warpath? Stand her ground and do the same?

The Kuranta got to experience the answer firsthand as her opponent began to simultaneously spin her shield and run forward. ‘I can’t let her hit me with that attack, whatever it takes...’ Unfortunately, she didn’t have enough time to get to her feet and get out of the way. There was only one option she could see...

——–

“Alright, she’s getting to her feet; she’s not done yet, but damn Hoshi’s spinning Hannya as fast as she can.”

“Margaret, what are you doing?! Get out of the way!”

“She’s holding her shield up with both hands- wait, that light-”

“Glasses on!” *flash* “...No!”

“There’s no way she’s getting up after that...Aak and Warfarin are making their way out. Hoshi’s tossed Hannya to the side and seems to be trying to help.”

“She’s done enough.”

“Meteor, you’ve seen some of the other fights-”

“They didn’t have my Marg’ret in them...We’re done here, right?”

“Yeah, that’s all she wrote. Everyone at home, have a good night, and we should have FEater and Click back up here next time. Thanks for tuning in!...I’m gonna make sure my co-host doesn’t do something she regrets.”

——–

By the time Meteor had made it to Medical, there was a small group in the waiting room. Platinum and Blemishine were talking cordially, Swire was talking to Ptilopsis at the desk, and Hoshiguma...Hoshiguma was there, in a chair, as stoic as she’d ever seen her.

That stoicism didn’t change when the huntress walked over to her and slapped her across the face.

“Miss Meteor,” Ptilopsis observed from her post; Swire had already turned around after hearing the sound, “violence is not tolerated in the waiting room.”

“It’s alright, Tilly. I deserved it.” The Oni cracked her neck as she looked up at her attacker.

The Kuranta sat down next to her. “At least you agree.”

“I didn’t expect her to try and block me like that,” she continued with a sigh. “The flash actually made it worse for her.”

“Why did she do that? It makes no sense.”

At this point the other two Kuranta in the room walked over; Platinum immediately sat in Meteor’s lap for a chair-hug. “We got here before she did, and they rolled her past us...” There was now a silver-haired puddle in the Sniper’s lap.

“Are all the fights in this tourney like this?” Maria shuddered. “The sport is the same everywhere, I guess.”

“Well, the good news is, Nearl’s Arts were enough to stabilize herself,” Swire reported, joining the group and sitting on the opposite side of Hoshiguma, who immediately set her head on her shoulder.

The huntress, stroking her assassin-girlfriend’s hair, nodded. “Thank you, Swire. I’m sorry we’re meeting like this, Maria.”

“We’ll have a second chance at it when my sister’s back on her-” At that moment, there was the distinctive sound of armor jangling from down the hall. “Eh? One second.”

“It hasn’t been five minutes,” Hoshi muttered as everyone, including herself, stood up.

Sure enough, Blemishine walked around the corner with Nearl’s arm around her shoulder, gear beaten to shit but otherwise okay. “I’m taking her back to her room for a change of clothes, but she and the doctors both said she’s good.”

“Maggie!” Platinum practically became her jacket with that hug. “I’m so glad you’re alright! Even Hoshiguma was worried.”

“I’m not surprised. My training partner proved herself the better fighter today.” The smile the Radiant Knight sent the Oni’s way literally made her take a step back.

Meteor continued the original thread. “You’re feeling alright, though? Does it hurt anywhere?”

“The soreness will remain for a few days, but no lasting damage, certainly.” She looked down at her armor. “Not to my body, at least. Maria, could you help me fix this later this week?”

“Of course I will!” Her sister already had some thoughts on how to stop something like the Spinning Shield of Death from doing so much damage again.

The Feline in the room, glad to hear the all-clear straight from the horse’s mouth, nudged her girlfriend. “Go on, I know you want to say something.”

“I’ll talk to her later.” The Oni picked up her girlfriend. “Let’s go home.”

“Hoshi?” Nearl called out to her, and she froze.

The moneycat in her arms answered for her. “Yes, Nearl? Margaret, more specifically?”

“Either is fine.” Another warm smile. “That was a good fight. Good luck in the rest of the tournament.”

“...Thank you, Maggie. Goodnight, everyone.”

New destination: the bar.

[taehyungs-perm]

strawberry girl pt 2

taehyung x reader; college au; childhood best friends to lovers au; jock!fratboy taehyung

genre: fluff; major angst lol

word count: 11k

summary: i can pretend i don’t miss you. i can pretend i dont care. all i want to do is kiss you. what a shame you’re not here

part 1 here  part 3 here; part 4 here; part 5

playlist vibes 

electric | alina baraz ft khalid

goodnight n go | ariana grande

here | alessia cara

teenage dream | katy perry 

floating | alina baraz ft khalid

singularity | bts

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You woke up in a panic to the shrill sound of your phone alarm. You turned over to your side to shut off the alarm, briefly glancing at your roommate’s empty bed. 10:34. You rubbed your eyes while yawning, you had a restless night of sleep. You couldn’t stop thinking about Taehyung. You felt butterflies in your heart when you thought back to last night: the way he called you cute, the way he hugged you, the way he nuzzled the crook of your neck. But those warm feelings were immediately squashed when your phone buzzed. 

Tae: hey so i got a bit held up but i just need to shower and ill be at lilys! I’m sorry!! 🥺

Then, you remembered what actually went down last night. Jennie telling you Taehyung would never even look at someone like you, some girl grinding on Taehyung, and, oh yea, the fact that he fucked some girl last night and that’s definitely the reason why he’s late this morning. Your mind was swimming with thoughts. You exhaled deeply and sat up in your bed, staring at your wall covered in polaroids. Taehyung doesn't like me. Why would he like me? You’ve seen the girls he’s been with. They are so beautiful. How could someone like you even compare? 

You fell back into your pillows and wrapped your arms around your fluffy white pillow, hugging it. And you don’t like him either. You can’t. Because you can’t handle all the pain that comes with it. Your phone buzzed again.

Tae: should be there in 10

You: same

It was definitely a lie but you doubted Taehyung would be on time.

Tae: ur lying. Ur def just lying in ur bed. Bet ur still in pajamas 

How the fuck did he know you so well. 

You: 🖕🏽 

Tae: 🥰

God, he is such a headass you thought, shaking your head. You managed to pull yourself out of bed but all the while you got ready, you kept thinking about him. You wondered if he thought about you as much as you thought about him. Probably not. 

You were definitely 20 minutes late but you really didn’t care since it was just Taehyung. You pulled open the door of the diner and inhaled the scent of freshly cooked waffles and fried eggs. You scanned the restaurant and saw Taehyung sitting in a corner booth. He was wearing a light grey sweatshirt. You loved that sweatshirt. You thought he always looked adorable wearing it. You walked over and sat across from him. He was so absorbed in his texts that he didn’t notice you sit down. 

You stared at him and he still didn’t look up. Annoyed, you huffed loudly but he still was preoccupied in his phone. 

Fine. He’s being a little bitch then. You leaned over and flicked his forehead and he yelped loudly. 

“Ow! What the fuck was that for?” He said whining.

You huffed, “Oh shut up. I’ve been sitting here for like ever and you've been just staring at your phone.” 

He was rubbing his forehead, “Sorry I didn’t mean to ignore you. It’s just like there’s a lot happening at once.” 

You were about to ask him what was going on but then the waitress came by to take your orders.

You ordered chocolate chip waffles and Taehyung ordered 4 different dishes. You glared at him as the waitress took your menus away. 

“What? I’m hungry.” he said innocently.

“Whatever. You're paying. Anyways, what’s going on?” 

“Oh yea, so like we just have this huge game coming up next week. It’s against our rival school and it’s the championship game.”

You interrupted “It’s the championship game already?”

He gruffed, “You would know if you came to any of my games.” 

Oh shit. Taehyung had been asking you to come to at least one of his games, but you had been brushing it off. You had been giving him the excuse of having too much school work. The truth was you didn’t really want to go to his games and see his personal cheerleading squad on their knees for him. Hana went to a few games to see Jungkook play and she told you about them. Jennie was the leader of the group of the three girls and they were at every game, wearing their cheerleading uniforms, screaming Taehyung's name. The very notion of it made you feel nauseous so you just avoided going to any of his games just so you didn’t have to witness it. It’s not that you had a direct issue with the girls themselves but they were just a reminder that Taehyung would never look at you the same way he looked at them. 

“Oh sorry. I told you it w-“

He interjected, “Yea, I know you said you needed to study.” He looked upset. Fuck. The words came out of your mouth before you realized, “I promise I’ll be there for the game next Saturday.” 

His eyes lit up, “Really?”

You nodded, “Okay so continue.”

“Yea, so we are all really stressed about the game and like Hobi hyung wants us to practice everyday for like 3 to 4 hours until the big game. But like I’m trying to take school more seriously now, and I don’t know how I can manage that much soccer on top of school. Namjoon hyung is on my side but like there’s just this huge argument in our group chat right now.” Taehyung was rubbing circles on the temples of his head. 

His phone started buzzing, like he received a chain of texts. Then he growled. You were in shock. You had never seen Taehyung this pissed off before. 

“Then this fucking girl won’t leave me alone.”

You were kind of scared but you asked in a calm voice, “What girl?”

“The girl from last night. She keeps fucking texting me. She won’t stop.” 

“What’s she saying?”

“She keeps asking to hang out. And I don’t want to. I told her last night before anything happened that this was just a hookup. Just sex. And if she wanted something more or if she wasn’t okay with that, then I would stop. But she said she was fine with it. Then it took me forever for her to get out of my room this morning.”

“Taehyung!”

“What? “

“You kicked her out? That’s so mean!”

“I didn’t kick her out. I just said I had shit to do so I needed to get ready. But she wanted to stay and I thought she wanted to fuck again and like we did which is why I was late. But she’s still texting me. And I told her nicely that I just wanted to stay friends, but she’s relentless!”

“If she’s bothering you that much, just block her number.” 

“Can I? Would that be mean?”

“Well...kinda but like if she’s causing you stress then it’s fair.”

“Okay bet.”

He instantly looked relieved. He was about to say something but then the waitress arrived with your food.

After hearing about Taehyungs fuckboi antics from last night and apparently this morning, you suddenly lost your appetite. You started slowly cutting small pieces of your waffle. 

Taehyung asked in a concerned voice “Hey. Why aren’t you eating?”

“Oh. I’m just stressed. About school.”

Taehyung pointed his fork at you with his mouth full of waffles, “You need to find a stress outlet.”

You rolled your eyes, “I do have a stress outlet. I bake.”

He covered his mouth with his hand, laughing, “Clearly that’s doing jack shit. You need something better.”

You threw your hands up, exasperated, “What then? What do you suggest for a stress reliever?” Even though the cause of your lack of appetite wasn’t stress, you did feel like picking up new habits could help with your overall anxieties. 

Taehyung looked you straight in the eyes and said confidently, “Dick.”

You choked at his bluntness, “Excuse me?”

He shrugged and continued to shovel waffles in his mouth, “You need dick. You’re so tightly wound up. You just need some dick to relax”

You scoffed at his words, “Taehyung, unlike you my life doesn’t revolve around sex okay? I’m honestly doing perfectly fine on my own.”

He looked at you with serious concern, “Okay, tell me this when’s the last time you got laid.”

Oh god, you were not going to tell Taehyung about your completely nonexistent sex and romantic life. 

You forced your eyes to the table, looking at the marble pattern, “Uh it’s been awhile.”

He asked curiously, “How long like 2 weeks? Or..”

You moved your eyes to your plate and said quietly, “I don’t know.”

You were staring at the syrup patterns in your waffle and Taehyung seemed to be getting fed up, “Cmon _____ I tell you about my life, just tell me.”

You snapped, angrily glaring at him, “Taehyung it’s really fucking hard to get laid when you haven’t even kissed a guy yet.” 

You saw his eyes widen in shock. 

This is so fucking embarrassing. You covered your face with your hands, mortified.

Great now he thinks I’m a prude or a weirdo. With your million thoughts running through your mind, you realized that Taehyung was silent this whole time.

You couldn’t take the awkward silence anymore, “Okay, I’m going to leave since like it’s really fucking awkward now.” You began to slide out of the booth, but then Taehyung grabbed your hand, “No! Sorry I didn’t mean to make it weird. I’m just shocked I guess.”

You sunk back down into the booth seat and snatched your hand away from him. 

“I don’t really think it’s a big deal that you haven’t done anything but like is there a reason why?”

“I dunno. School is just like all I focus on so it’s kept me busy.” 

“That’s such bullshit. School doesn’t occupy every waking moment of your life so there’s obviously more to it.”

You racked your brain. There were many reasons why. One of them sitting across the table in front of you. You could give him a partial truth. You sighed and fiddled with your fingers, “Because I want my firsts to be with someone I love. I’m so scared of regretting it if I just gave away those special moments to someone who didn’t actually care about me.” You paused then continued, “It’s dumb I know.”

Taehyung smiled, “That’s not dumb at all. I had no idea you were a romantic.”

You squinted at him, “Yea well if you tell anyone I will personally see to it that Hoseok makes you run laps until you puke.”

Taehyung rubbed his forehead with his hand, “You give a fucking headache you know that right? There’s this one side of you that’s like an innocent naive romantic and there’s the other side of you that will start a fight with anyone who underestimates you.”

You took your straw wrapper, crumbled it, and flicked it at Taehyung, “Fuck off. I’m not that complicated.”

He, of course, dodged it, “It’s okay cause I’m the only who knows both sides of you” he said with a wink. 

You internally winced because he had no idea how right he was.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You left the diner about 20 minutes later as Taehyung said he had soccer practice soon and you needed to get some work done. You were going through your mental checklist of things that needed to be done: I need to go to the grocery store and pick up some actual food I need to revise for chemistry because there’s an exam coming up. You were so invested in your thoughts that as you unlocked your room door you didn’t hear the distinct voices coming from inside. 

Your thoughts of your checklist were interrupted as you saw Hana and Jungkook laying in her bed (fully clothed thank god).

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped at the sight. At the beginning of their friends with benefits relationship, Hana made it very clear to Jungkook, they would never hook up in her room. As a result, Jungkook had never been over. You knew Jungkook from your writing course. You and him worked together sometimes, but you two weren’t close friends. 

“Hey _____,” Jungkook said from the bed, in a casual voice.

“Um hey Jungkook,” you tried to say as calmly as possible because, internally, you were freaking out. If he was here, it meant something had definitely changed with Hana and Jungkook’s relationship at the frat party last night. You made eye contact with Hana and her face was completely red.

“So where were you this morning ________?” Hana said, trying to maintain a calm demeanor.

You set your purse on the swivel chair next to your desk and held up your bag of uneaten waffles, “I was at breakfast with Tae.”

“Oh nice. Are those.... leftovers?” Jungkook said in an innocent voice.

You threw the bag at him and he caught it, “Go for it. I didn’t really have much of an appetite.”

“Bet thanks,” he said, opening the paper bag and pulling out the cardboard box containing your chocolate chip waffles.

Hana looked disgusted and exclaimed, “You are not eating on my bed and getting crumbs everywhere!” Before Jungkook could retort, Hana pushed him to the ground.

“Ouch!” He said rubbing his leg that he bumped against the side of the bed. 

The room was awkwardly silent because you and Hana were both staring at each other, trying your best not to laugh at the situation. 

Jungkook broke the silence in a careful tone with a mouth full of waffles,”I thought Taehyung was...ya know..with someone.” He looked back and forth between you and Hana.

You said quietly, “Yea...he was.”

Hana folded her arms across her chest and said forcefully, “I don’t get him, _______. Like he literally doesn’t make any sense. I saw him last night. He was being so flirty with you. But then he goes and fucks some random girl? He’s just making things so confusing for you.”

You sighed and looked at the ground, “There isn’t anything to be confused about. He doesn’t like me. And I don’t like him. We’re just friends.”

“Well, why do you sound so sad then?” Jungkook asked from the ground. Fuck I forgot he was here.

You snapped, “I’m not sad. I’m fine. I don’t give a shit about who Taehyung hooks up with.”

Jungkook raises his hands in defeat, “Okay okay. But like I want to say, I’ve spent a lot of time with Taehyung these past few months and I’ve never seen him happier. And I know it’s cause you are in his life again. I don’t really know what his feelings are but I do know that you mean a lot to him.”

What does that mean? Does that mean he could maybe like me? No that’s crazy. He’s still fucking different girls every weekend. He couldn’t do that if he had feelings for me. 

Hana shook her head, “I don’t know. This all feels really weird to me. Boys are so fucking oblivious. Men are trash.” Jungkook looked up at her and pouted. 

“Except for you...I guess” she said looking down at him

You were so shocked at what was happening in front of so you just blurted out, “Okay I really need to ask because I’m so fucking weirded out right now, but are you two together?”

Jungkooks jaw dropped and he turned to face Hana. He said, hurt, “You didn’t tell ________ about us?”

“Oh shut up Jungkook. We’ve literally been together since last night. When would I have told her?“

You cleared your throat, “Wait wait just to clarify....you two are dating?”

Jungkook stood up and wrapped his arms around Hana tightly,“Yep she’s my girlfriend.”

Hana nodded weakly, “Yea I’m dating this idiot.”

You clapped your hands together, “Oh my gosh I’m so happy for you two! I’ve been rooting for this since Jungkook sent you that candy bouquet.”

Jungkook's phone started ringing and he looked at you, “It’s your man.” He answered the call before you could say anything.

 “Hey man, what’s up?” Jungkook paused before his eyes widened in realization, “Oh fuck I completely forgot. I’ll be there now.”  

He hung up the call and quickly started putting on his shoes and jacket, “I forgot we had a practice scheduled for today. I’m so fucking late.” 

Hana rolled her eyes, “You are so clueless” 

Jungkook was about to leave but he walked over to Hana and planted a kiss on her cheek, “I’m your clueless boyfriend now.” 

You saw her cheeks turn red and you knew she was head over heels for Jeon Jungkook. 

“Ugh just go to practice,” she said trying to remain cool. 

“Bye ______! Bye, love! I’ll text you when I’m done.” he slammed the door shut.

You turned to Hana and smiled widely teasingly, “Someone’s in loveeee.” 

“God I hate this,” Hana said, drowning her face in a pillow. 

“You’re so whipped. But good thing he’s a simp too. You’re both perfect for each other.”

She removed her face from the pillow and looked at you with a love struck gaze, “I am so whipped. I really like him ________. And I really like being with him. I never thought I would say this but he makes me really happy.”

Your heart melted at her words. Hana was only this sappy when she really meant it. You felt a sudden ping of sadness in your heart. It’s not that you didn’t want it. You wanted love. You wanted romance. But in order for any of that to happen, someone has to like you back. Someone has to want you in that way. And that’s only something that could happen in your dreams because you had always been the girl no one had a crush on. So your fairytale romance was something that was unattainable for you. You knew if you voiced these thoughts to Hana, she would tell you that you needed to try first. That you needed to actually tell that special someone that you liked them. But you couldn’t do that because you were so afraid of rejection, so afraid of letting someone in and having them walk right out.

She noticed your change in expression softly, “Hey. What’s actually going on with Taehyung?” 

You laid flat on your bed and exhaled deeply, “I don’t know. I just know I feel really unsure but I really don’t think I like him. I also think I need to stop hanging out with him.” 

She didn't press further, “If you think that’s what you need, I’ll support you.”

“Thank you Hana.” You were glad she didn’t start any arguments with you. She just listened to your wishes. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------You had been sitting in the library all morning trying to avoid Taehyung. Just all of the things that he did this past week had been making you feel ~things~ but you felt sure that you didn’t like him. You knew if you hid out in the library Taehyung would never find you mostly because you were certain he had never stepped foot in the library. You told Hana where you were and made her promise to not tell Taehyung so you were quite surprised when you heard a chair pull out in front of you and there was Taehyung and his mischievous smile.

“Hey strawberry girl,” he said plopping down in the chair in front of you.

You asked in a concerning tone, “Taehyung.... you realize you’re in the library right? Like you aren’t lost?” 

He was wearing black sweatpants with a plain white t-shirt. He looked like the dictionary definition of a fuckboi with his backwards black SnapBack on. With a confident smile on his face as he took out his laptop from his bag he stated, “Nope I’m exactly where I need to be.”

Alright what game is he playing? “What the fuck are you doing here?” you said in a harsh whisper. 

“You know what I realized? Everyone thinks you’re this naive innocent girl but I swear we have not had a single conversation where you didn’t say fuck.” He saw your pissed off face and then went on to say, “But if you are so curious, I’m here to do work. You’ve bailed on me all week claiming you had ‘work’ so here I am. You’ve really forced my hand. Bringing me to the library to study. Imagine that.”

“Taehyung, I came here to do work alone because you always distract me.”You looked up from your books and noticed the sly glint in his eye and realized what you had done. But it was too late. 

Taehyung broke out into his signature huge smile and said, “Oh so you find me distracting?”

“That’s not what I meant Taehyung. I mea-”

He ran his hand through his hair and raised his eyebrow at you, “Is it because of my insanely good looks or because of my witty charms?”

You dropped your head against the notebook lying out in front of you and then looked Taehyung directly in the eyes saying, “God, I hate you”

He raised his eyebrow in a cocky manner with a wide grin on his face, “You're lying.” 

“Oh fuck off.”

“It’s okay cause I know you love me.”

Your stomach did a flip flop. You caught yourself; he didn’t know anything because there was nothing to know. 

“How the fuck did you know I was here?” you said exasperated.

“Your best friend has a weak will. Maybe don’t trust her with secrets.” He then did his annoying wink that always sent chills up your spine. 

Why did Hana tell him? Whatever. It was too late now. You resumed taking your notes and luckily Taehyung was able to do his work quietly. 

You became absorbed in your biology textbook until you heard a squeal, “Taehyung!”

You looked up and saw a really pretty girl standing by your table. She looked vaguely familiar but you couldn’t place where exactly you had seen her. She had a huge smile on her face as she was intently staring at Taehyung. 

Taehyung looked up from his laptop with a bit of a shocked expression on his face. He glanced at you quickly and then looked at the girl, “oh hey Eunjae.”

She was twirling the front strand of her hair with her finger and giggled, “What are you doing here at the library? I’ve never seen you here before.”

He chuckled nervously and nodded his head to you, “I’m here studying with _________.”

She turned her head to you and flashed a gorgeous smile. You gave a smile back and then went back to looking at your notebook. “So what are you studying?” She said leaning her hands on the table, craning her neck to see his laptop. 

“Um I’m working on a paper. It’s due next week so I’m trying to work on it before I get busy with practice,” Taehyung said, typing on his computer. 

“Oh yea! The championship is next Saturday. I’m so excited to be there to cheer for you! I've been to every game this season so I would never miss your biggest game!” Eunjae said gushingly.

“Oh wow. That’s really nice of you to come to every game.” Taehyung said.

Ugh. If he’s going to flirt, why does he have to do it in front of me? You tried hard to focus on your biology notes but the conversation between Eunjae and Taehyung was especially distracting. You were hoping she would leave soon so you could study in peace but once she pulled out the chair next to Taehyung to sit down, you knew she wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon. 

You tried to tune out their conversation but something Eunjae said caught your attention. You weren’t sure exactly how Eunjae and Taehyung knew each other. You figured it was because she came to every game but even Taehyung didn’t know that. Then she said softly, but definitely loud enough for you to hear, “You know, Tae, I had a really good time with you last weekend. I was wondering if we could maybe hang out this weekend or something.”

Last weekend? Then it clicked. Eunjae was the girl at the frat party. She was the girl who was sitting on Taehyung's lap. I guess Taehyung never actually blocked her number. Of course he wouldn’t. She’s a really pretty girl giving him attention. You internally rolled your eyes. 

You heard Taehyung clear his throat, “Uh yea. That sounds good. But like this would be just as friends?“

She gave a high pitch laugh “Of course! I just want us to be friends. And then I mean, whatever happens, happens right?”

Taehyung said, “Yea I mean that’s fine with me.”

You hoped the conversation would end there because it was becoming excruciatingly awkward for you since both of them were blatantly ignoring your presence. But of course it didn’t end there, and Eunjae began talking about the cheer team to Taehyung. 

You didn’t want to be rude but you honestly felt yourself losing brain cells at this conversation. 

You had enough of their flirting because it was distracting you from doing your work. Not because you were jealous or anything. You closed your notebook and started packing your stuff. The sound of your backpack zipper caught Taehyung's attention and snapped him out of his conversation with Eunjae. 

“Hey _______ you're done studying?”

You didn’t really wanna want to get into a conversation with Taeyhyung so you simply nodded.

But of course Taehyung wasn’t satisfied, “So what are you doing now?”

You rolled your eyes. Why couldn’t he for once mind his own business? Eunjae desperately wanted his attention. Why couldn’t he just give it to her and not involve you?

“Back to my dorm.” you said not looking at him. “Bye Eunjae. Bye Tae.” And you stalked off.

You didn’t look back at him. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were going to murder Hana. You told her specifically not to tell Taehyung where you were. But what did she do? She told taehyung.

You burst your room dorm open and there she was laying on her bed, with her laptop balanced on her knees.

You smiled sweetly at her, “Hana, I'm going to kill you.”

“Perfect, because I’m really sick of studying for chemistry and if you could kill me before our exam next Wednesday, that would be great.” she said excitedly. 

You dumped your stuff on the ground and jumped onto your bed, “Maybe then I won’t kill you, so you can suffer.” 

She laughed, “Okay okay but what did I do?”

You tapped your index finger to your cheek, pretending to think, “Um...lemme jog your memory. Did a certain headass ask where I was today?”

Her smile dropped from her face, “Oh fuck.”

“Yea oh fuck. I told you that no matter what, Kim Taehyung was to not find me. What happened?” you exclaimed as you slammed your head against your pillow. 

Hana sat up straight in her bed, crossing her legs beneath her, “I’m sorry okay! I really did try to keep it a secret but he came over here because you weren't answering your phone. And I told him you were busy and he just kept on badgering me. I ended up telling him to shut him up.”

“Ugh. He actually came here? That’s so gross. Did he say what he wanted?”

“No he just said he needed to see you. Did he ask you anything at the library?”

You thought about it for a minute, “No he didn’t ask me anything.”

“Well then,” Hana said in a smug voice, crossing her arms. 

You turned your head to face her, “What?”

“It’s obvious _______.”

“What’s obvious?”

“Oh my gosh how are you this dense? He likes you.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “He doesn’t.”

“Cmon _______. When he came in here he was begging for me to tell him where you were, it was annoying but he was so genuine. I can tell there’s something.”

“There’s nothing.” you said flatly, turning away from Hana.

She said insistingly, “Why are you being so negative about this? He’s trying so much with you!”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, “Hana, I can’t fucking like him. I did once and it fucked me over.”

She went quiet. “What happened?”

“When we were highschool, I liked him. I’m pretty sure I loved Tae. And I was so sure he felt the same way. He gave me so much attention just like now. He cared about me so much. I was so convinced he liked me too. And when I was going to tell him, he said he started dating someone. And that someone became his forever for highschool. It fucking hurted so much, seeing him with her. It broke my heart over and over. And I just needed to get the fuck away from him. Because the worst part was, he had no fucking idea I was hurting so bad. So yea, I don’t think he likes me and even so, I don’t like him anymore. I honestly don’t have the emotional capacity to fall in love again.”

Hana whispered, “I’m sorry. I think you’ve moved on and I don’t want you to go through it again. Whatever it is, I’ll be there for you. I’ll help you keep your distance from Taehyung.”

You opened your eyes and looked at her. You were so grateful to have such an understanding friend like Hana,  “Thanks. You’re such a good friend.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your plan to keep distance from Taehyung was going down the drain really quickly. It started off with an unlikely text.

Jimin: hey ________ this is last minute but i had an idea. This is jimin btw.

Jimin texting you was a bit out of place. You had only exchanged brief hellos and words when you encountered each other. 

You: hey jimin. whats ur idea 

Jimin: taes birthday is during break so I was thinking we could surprise him and celebrate it early. 

You: when were you thinking 

Jimin: this Saturday. That way we can all have some fun before finals and the soccer match 

This Saturday was a bit soon but you figured if anyone could pull it off, it was Jimin. 

You: sounds good. But we better start planning right away

Jimin: already on it. Jin hyung said we could use his apartment 

Kim Seokjin. You hadn’t personally met the guy but you knew he was on the soccer team and in the BTS frat. However, since he was a senior, he lived in an apartment off campus. 

You: bet. We need to figure out food, desserts, and invites 

Jimin: do you want to meet up tonight to figure out all the details 

You: sure. 

Jimin: you can come by the frat tonight. Taehyung will probably be out.

After finishing some homework, you grabbed your jacket and walked over to the BTS frat. As you approached the door, you saw Jungkook and Hana leaving. 

“_______? Are you here to see Taehyung? I think he just left,”  she said with concerning eyes.

“Hey Hana. I’m actually here to see Jimin.”

Her mouth gaped open but before she could ask you any questions Jungkook pulled her along.

“Sorry, love, but you can interrogate ______ later. We’re going to be late!”

“Bye Hana! “ you called as she waved bye.

You walked into the house and saw Jimin sitting there with Namjoon and Hoseok. You knew Namjoon because he was your biology lab TA. He had helped you with many frustrating biology labs and he was probably the only reason why you were passing the class. You only heard about Hobi from Tae’s stories of soccer practice. 

“Hey_____!” `Jimin called motioning for you to sit down.

“Hey,” you gave a little wave to all of them. 

Hobi smiled brightly “I don’t think we’ve met properly but I’m Hobi. “

You smiled and introduced yourself to him. 

“Finished with your biology lab presentation?” Namjoon said with his dimpled smile. 

You chuckled nervously and brushed your hair behind your ear “Uhh working on it. It’s taking much longer than I thought it would.”

“Phylum Nematoda is definitely a hard topic because there’s not that much information,” he said understandingly.

“I know and it’s jus-“

Jimin interjected your incoming rant, “As riveting biology lab is, we are here for a reason.”

“Right! So Yoongi is taking care of the catering. He has a family restaurant that he claims served the best korean food in the area so we don’t need to worry about that,” Hobi said reading off his phone.

“And Jimin knows all of Taehyung's friends so he will take care of all the invites,” Namjoon said.

“And all there’s left is the theme and desserts,” Jimin confidently stated.

You were confused “Theme? Why do we need a theme?”

“It would be fun ________!” Jimin said. “It can be lowkey but I was thinking we should do a formal theme. To appeal to Taehyung's bougie side.”

You thought for a moment and nodded, “Taehyung honestly does love getting dressed up.”

Hobi stood up from the couch and said, “Okay so then it’s settled. Everything is planned.”

Namjoon laughed and you chimed in, “Not yet. But I can take care of the last part. I’ll order a cake for Taehyung and have it delivered to Jin’s apartment.”

Jimin stood up and stretched his arms, “Okay, now everything is planned.”

You got up and said goodbye to Namjoon and Hobi as Jimin walked with you to the door. 

Jimin smiled at you, “Thanks for coming and helping us plan this. Taehyung’s going to love it. He’ll definitely surprised”

You both stepped outside and stood on the porch. “I mean I’m not sure how much I’m doing but I'm glad to help,” You said with a light laugh. 

“Well we’ll try to clean up Jin hyung’s apartment and decorate it on Saturday before the party. If you're free, we could definitely use the help then.”

“Yea I’ll be there. You can text me the details.”

You were about to head down the steps and say bye to Jimin when you saw Taehyung and someone else walking up to the house. 

You were trying to see if there was maybe a way you could hide from him or leave from a side path but it was too late. Taehyung had seen you.

“_______! You’re here? You didn’t tell me you would be coming over” he said walking onto the porch. You didn’t recognize the girl he was with but with her arms wrapped around Taehyung, it was clear that they were going to hook up. 

You gave Jimin a panicked look. Before you could say anything Jimin put his arm around your shoulder, just like how Taehyung did at the party, and said, “Well she wasn’t here to see you. She was here to hang out with me.”

You smiled weakly ,“Yep. Jimin and I were just studying chemistry. We have an exam coming up/”

“Yep chemistry,” he said nodding.

Taehyung had a weird look as if he were mad or something. His eyes lit up with a dangerous, angry glint that sent a shiver down your spine, “Oh. That’s nice. I didn’t realize you guys studied together.” 

You knew Taehyung well enough to know that he was using his fake polite voice. Jimin glanced at you and you realized he also knew that Taehyung was angry.

“I just was having some trouble and _______ said she would help.” 

Taehyung's eyes narrowed, “Maybe you should just get a tutor next time.”

You could sense the tension escalating, “Yea that’s probably for the best. I don’t think I was very helpful anyways.”

Taehyung opened his mouth to say some retort but the girl by his side whined, “Taehyung, can we please go inside?”

You smirked. Taehyung had been kind of irritating you with his weird interrogation so you plastered a fake smile and said in a fake sweet voice “Yea Taehyung. You should go inside. It’s getting cold out here. Bye Jimin.” You waved bye to Jimin and gave a glare to Taehyung.

God, boys give you a fucking migraine.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Taehyung had been in that weird fight for about a day before things went back to normal. He just texted you as if nothing happened 

Tae: are you busy Saturday night?

Saturday evening was Taehyung's surprise party so hopefully he wasn’t making plans then.

You: uh not sure yet. What’s up?

Tae: the guys are having a dinner to like get hyped for the game next week. Do u wanna come?

Ah. That must have been the excuse to get Taehyung to Jin’s apartment.

You: lolll no way. but try to have fun and not stress out about the game 

Tae: ugh ig. wish you wanted to come tho :(

You: we can hang out some another time. 

Tae: you say that EVERYTIME.

You: i mean it this time 

Tae: i’m holding you to it 🍓 girl

You turned off your phone and tried to fall asleep but the warm fuzzy feeling in your heart kept you awake. The sound of your phone ringing woke you up. 

You answered the phone groggily “Hello?”

“_______? Did you just wake up? I told you I was going to pick you up at 9:30!”

You looked at your phone. 9:21. Fuck. 

“I’m up and ready Jimin. No need to freak out.”

“Good cause I’ll be there in five.”

Hana groaned from her bed, “Why are you up this early?” 

“I have to go help set up but I should be back by 4.”

“You better. We have to get ready together.”

You quickly brushed, washed your face, and pulled on sweatpants and a hoodie. By the time you had your shoes on, Jimin was texting you to come outside. You said bye to Hana and raced out the door. You spotted Jimin waving in his black Audi and jumped in the car. You and Jimin chatted on the way there. You found yourself actually enjoying Jimin's company. He was very smart which you already knew since he was taking the same pre-med courses as you but he was also very sweet and funny. He pulled up to a very tall apartment building and you both got out of the car. You helped take out some of the boxes from Jimin's trunk that had tablecloths, plates, and other silverware. You two made your way up to the 7th floor where Jin lived. Jimin led you to his door and knocked. The door swung open and there was Kim seokjin. 

“Jimin! You’re late! It’s 9:41 and you said you would be here by 9:40.”

“Shut up, hyung,” he said, shaking his head.

You got a good look at Jin and he looked like he came off of the vogue runway with his blue button down tucked into brown slacks. Were all of Taehyung's friends seriously good looking? You finally understood why there was so much hype around them. They were all hardworking, handsome, but also genuinely kind, funny, down to earth guys. 

Jin took the box from your arms and said, “You must be ________. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Jin. I’m the most handsome and funny one of the BTS frat.”

You were taken aback by his forward ness but went along with his comment, “I mean your only competition is Taehyung and Jimin so no wonder that is.”

He laughed loudly, “See even she agrees and she just met me Jimin.”

Jimin rolled his eyes as he put down the boxes, “You can’t encourage him. It’ll only get worse”

Jimin, Jin and you cleaned his apartment and began to decorate. After listening to what it seemed like the 30th dad joke from Jin, you heard the doorbell ring. Jimin went over to the door and it was a guy who looked like Jin’s age carrying foil covered trays. He was wearing an oversized flannel and black skinny jeans. 

“I brought the food but there’s still a shit ton more trays in my car,” he said as he entered. 

He placed the trays in the kitchen and looked at you, “Who are you?”

“I’m _______” you said as you took the tray Jimin handed to you.

“Ah you're Taehyungie's girl. I’m yoongi, one of his hyungs on the team.”

You placed the tray on the table, “Nice to meet you. But I’m not Taehyung's girl. Just a friend.”

He laughed, “Maybe you should tell him that. He’s constantly talking about you. ________ made me cupcakes. ________ helped me study. ________ went to breakfast with me.“

You fought back a blush and said in a bored tone, “Yea well, We’re just friends. He doesn’t like me and I don’t like him. I’m so sure at this party he won’t even talk to me. I bet he’ll be busy with Jennie or something.” You felt like Taehyung always got distracted with other people whenever you guys went out. That’s why it always ended with you ditching Taehyung. 

“Really? I’ll take that bet. $20?” Yoongi stuck out his hand.

“Bet,” you said, shaking his hand. “He has to imitate the conversation and it can’t be small talk.”

Yoongi nodded in agreement picking up a tray and putting it in the oven,“Can’t wait to make $20 tonight.”

“In your dreams.” you said as you helped him put another tray in the oven.

The cake you ordered got delivered and Jin placed the large strawberry chocolate cake in the fridge. 

Since everything was ready, you and Jimin were about to head out from Jin's apartment. 

Hobi called from the kitchen in a stern voice, “You both have to be here by 7:30 otherwise I will make you run laps.” 

You and Jimin laughed and said goodbye to Hobi.

By the time you got to your dorm, you were kinda exhausted but Hana wouldn't hear it.

“Get up!” She said tugging your arm as you laid on your bed. You reluctantly got up and got ready with Hana. Hana had to force you to actually buy a nice outfit for Taehyung's birthday because you had left most of your nice clothing at home. You helped lace up the back of Hana’s dress and looked at her in admiration. She was wearing a satin navy blue dress that coordinated perfectly with Jungkook's navy suit. 

You opted for a floor length skirt that was black with dark pink and white flowers and simple black top. 

Once you and Hana were finally ready your phone read 7:15. Hana and you raced out the door after putting on your shoes and found Jungkook leaning against his car outside. 

He walked up to Hana and placed a kiss on her cheek and smiled, “Wow, love, you look...so beautiful. I mean you always do but wow.”

Hana gave a shy laugh ,“You have such a way with words. You look handsome too, I guess. C'mon we have to go! Hobi is going to kill us.”

Jungkook opened the door for Hana and looked at you and smirked, “Wow ________ not wearing jeans. It’s a fucking miracle. But I guess she’ll do anything for Tae. Am I right?” 

He opened the door for you and you narrowed your eyes at him, “I suggest you watch it Jeon Jungkook if you still want me to proofread your next essay.” 

He smirked at you as he hopped into the driver's seat and drove to Jin's apartment. 

You hadn’t realized how many people Jimin invited until you went up into Jin's apartment. Jimin had invited, of course, Jennie and the cheerleading squad, some guys from some other frats like EXO and ATEEZ and sororities like TWICE and LOONA. It honestly felt like way too many people but Taehyung was a social butterfly.

By 8:00 Namjoon arrived at Jin's apartment with Taehyung in tow. The surprise went well but you couldn’t really see much as you lingered in the back of the crowd with Yoongi. 

“You know you can’t actively hide from Taehyung. That’s not a part of the bet,” Yoongi said as he shoved his hands in his dress pants pockets. 

“I’m not actively hiding. I just don’t like crowds,” You said shrugging your shoulders. 

Yoongi nodded, understanding the feeling. You got a glimpse of Taehyung and he looked like he just got off of a photo shoot for GQ with his black curly hair and silver earrings. He was wearing a fitting black suit with white shirt and black Tie. Instead of a handkerchief, he had a dark pink carnation pinned to his suit jacket. He was saying hello to everyone, greeting all of his guests in a friendly manner and genuinely chatting with them. You really liked that about Taehyung. He obviously had his people he didn’t like but he was always kind to everyone. He was heading in your direction but Taehyung got pulled aside by Jennie. She pulled him to the couch and practically sat on top of him. Jennie looked really pretty wearing a short satin dark green dress. You sighed, once again feeling those familiar feelings of insecurity. You knew once Jennie got to Taehyung, he would be completely distracted by her. Well at least I’ll get $20 out of it. You sat down on the opposite side of the couch and looked around.

Hana was dancing with Jungkook. Hobi and Jin were trying to get more people up and having fun. Namjoon was with his girlfriend, talking with Yoongi and a couple other guys. 

You were wondering where Jimin went but then you felt someone sit next to you on the couch and heard his voice, “Hey _________ why aren’t you dancing?”

You turned to Jimin and saw his beautiful smile flashing at you, “Not really one for dancing I guess. Hana’s the one who dances.”

“Bullshit. Everyone dances. You just gotta be comfortable and have fun.”

“I guess.” You shrugged ���There’s just a lot of people here.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Yea I guess I went overboard with the invites.”

“Well I mean as long as Taehyung is enjoying himself,” you said trailing off and glancing in the direction of him. Jennie was still on him, with her hands traveling on his jacket and his tie. You felt a bit nauseous at the sight. 

“I think Taehyung is having a good time,” Jimin said laughing at him and Jennie.

You felt that Jimin might have sensed a bit of sadness from you at the fact that you had worked hard on this party for Taehyung and he wasn’t even talking to you as Jimin spent the next hour or so sitting and talking with you. 

You could totally understand how Jimin got so many girls with his enchanting smile and charming personality. Your conversation about the stupidity of learning about the cow digestive system in biology was interrupted by Hobi calling everyone over to cut the cake.

Jin placed the cake you had specially ordered for Taehyung in front of him. Taehyung glanced at you for a second because who else would get him a cake covered in your shared favorite fruit. Jennie clung to his arm and squealed, “Okay let’s sing!” 

After singing happy birthday, Jin sliced the cake while you and Yoongi took out the food. 

“Seems like you’ll be giving me $20 tonight,” you said softly to Yoongi. 

“Hmm, I'm still pretty confident. A little hindered for sure, but I do think you’ll be the one losing twenty bucks,” he said smoothly, uncovering the foil from the trays.

You shook your head and resumed sitting on the couch while everyone got food and cake.

You were scrolling through Instagram and suddenly felt your arm being pulled.

By the time you fully registered what was going on, you realized you were being dragged to the guest bedroom in Jin's apartment. 

“Ow what the fuck!” You exclaimed, yanking your arm from the person's grip. You looked up and you saw Kim Taehyung.

He closed the door of the bedroom and walked right up to you. You had to almost crane your neck to look up at him. He looked pissed off. It was kinda hard to tell because his curls covered his eyes slightly but you could tell by his silence he was mad. But you were annoyed at his behavior: him ignoring you all night, Jennie being all over him, and him physically dragging you from the party.

You crossed your arms, “What’s your problem Taehyung? Why did you do that?”

Probably not the best way to start off a conversation with the birthday boy but you didn’t really care.

“Excuse me? You’re asking me what my problem is?” Had his voice always been this deep or is it because he’s angry?

“That’s what I fucking said, right?” You said back aggressively. 

Then he growled. You had never been particularly intimidated by Taehyung but right now, you were questioning all of that. 

“How about the fact that you didn’t talk to me all night? It’s my party for me and you spent the entire night eye fucking Park Jimin. You were talking to him all night and didn’t say a word to me!” He leaned his face closely to yours. His eyes were a fierce obsidian. You could smell his cologne, your knees went weak.

Why the fuck was he acting like this? Was he being jealous or was he actually just mad his friend didn’t say hi? Probably the second one.

You put crossed your arms defensively and stabbed your index finger into his chest, refusing to back down, “Okay Taehyung, chill the fuck out. I was just talking to Jimin because he sat next to me and actually talked to me. You literally went and said hi to everyone but me so it seems like you were ignoring me. Also, how could I come and talk to you when Jennie was sitting on your dick the entire party?”

He scoffed at you, “She wasn’t sitting on my dick. You could have walked over and just said hi. I don’t get why you’re hanging out so much. You’re mine.”

You widened your eyes at his words but before you could say anything He cleared his throat, “I mean you’re my friend.”

You were getting fed up with Taehyung's childish behavior, “Okay first of all, we are just friends. And I’m allowed to have other friends that aren’t you. And you don’t get to say anything about me talking to Jimin because that’s more than you did. Sometimes, I don’t understand you, Taehyung. I never say anything about the way you live your life so why are you saying shit about mine. But I guess if it isn’t clear enough, Jimin and I are friends and if your whiny male ego can’t handle that, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends.” You narrowed your eyes at him and then left the room.  

You were furious. How dare he say anything about you when all you do is try to be a good friend? This just reaffirmed your feelings about Taehyung: you didn’t like him. He was completely reckless. He was being so weirdly possessive and jealous even though you two were not dating and didn’t have feelings for each other. 

You put your face in your hands and sighed deeply. You felt completely drained and just wanted to go back to your bed to curl up and watch a documentary. These past couple weeks had been so busy that you barely stress baked other than the cookies you made on Monday.

You felt someone sit besides you on the couch and you peeked out of your hands. It was Taehyung. His head hung low with his curls completely covering his eyes.

He whispered in a hoarse voice, “I’m sorry. I'm a dick. And inconsiderate. And a jerk. And I shouldn’t have said those things. I don’t know why I did but I did. And I’m sorry.”

He looked at you and you saw his puppy dog eyes and melted immediately. How the fuck does he have so much control over you?

“It’s okay,” you said quietly

“No it’s not. You didn’t deserve that. You literally planned this party for me. You’re such a caring friend and I’m an asshat.”

You laughed softly, “I mean that’s true but it’s okay cause I know you're sorry.”

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

“What? Like leave?”

“Yea. I like this party and all but it's getting a little hard to breathe in here,” He said tugging on his shirt collar.

You laughed, “I’m always down to ditch a party.”

He pulled you up by the hand and led you through the crowd. He grabbed something from one of the coats hanging by the door and walked out of Jin's apartment with you in tow. You honestly had no idea where you were going but Taehyung kept a firm grip on your hand as he pressed the G button on the elevator. 

“Taehyung where are we going?” You said insistently. 

“Just relax. Don’t worry. I’ll bring you back to his apartment in one piece,” He said with that iconic mischievous glint in his eye. He led you to Jimin's black audi and opened the door for you. You got in and then he got into the driver's seat.

“Does Jimin know you took his car?” you said pointedly. 

“Jimins has been pissing me off and it’s my birthday so he’ll be fine,” Taehyung said as he put his hand behind your chair looking to the rear view window to back up.

You kinda forgot about the destination part of the journey as Taehyung drove. You got lost in the moment of chatting with him about his friends while The Weeknd played in the background. You snapped back to reality when Taehyung put the car in park and you looked around. He had parked in a vacant parking lot overlooking the sea. You stepped out of the car and heard the soft crashing of waves. The scent of salt water immediately relaxed you.

“Nice right?” Taehyung said, making his way to the hood of the car. 

You nodded, taking in the beauty and calming scenery, “How did you find this place?”

“I came out to take photos this morning and I drove around the area and stumbled on this place. I knew you would love it.” He sat on the hood of the car and patted the space next to him. You hopped onto the hood of the car and stared at Taehyung. You were always aware that Taehyung was insanely good looking but moments like this where you two were alone and you could clearly see him made you really appreciate everything about him. His boyish innocence, his kind nature, his ability to actually apologize for his actions. It only took the words ‘I’m sorry’ from Taehyung to make you forgive him. 

Your eyes drifted to shine that caught your eyes. It came from the rings on his hands. His fucking hands. How the fuck did Taehyung make hands look attractive? You loved the way he wore simple silver rings on his long fingers, the way he always wore the same three bracelets on his wrists, and his vintage Cartier watch on his right hand he received from his parents. You realized you had been staring at his hands for quite some time because he waved his hand in front of your face and said, “Hello? Earth to _______? Why are you staring at my hands?”

You felt a blush creep over your face.“Oh sorry. I just was looking at your rings. It’s cool,” You tried to say as nonchalantly as possible. 

“Thanks. I saw Jimin wearing rings the other day and it looked really good so I decided to incorporate it into my style.“

You cleared your throat, trying to change the subject, “So are you and Jennie like together or?”

He chuckled nervously and started to mess with hair like he usually did when he was getting nervous, “No. I mean like we fuck occasionally but like we aren’t an official couple.”

“Oh. That makes sense. I just wasn’t sure with the way she was acting today. It seemed like you guys were a couple. Other than the fact you weren’t matching.” You said with a small laugh.

“Yea. I’m honestly not sure why she’s like that. Whenever she sees me when there are other people around, she gets so clingy. And I don’t really know what to say to her because I’ve made it clear that it’s just sex,” he said, adjusting his watch on his hand. Then he looked at you, “Why do you ask?”

“Oh no reason. Just wanted to make sure.”

“Why? If I said we were together, would you ditch me again?” Taehyung said in a serious tone. 

You realized he was referencing how you two became distant once he started dating Yejin. 

“Taehyung, it’s more complicated than that.”

“Why is it complicated? You gave me a completely bullshit answer when I asked you.”

You sighed and turned your gaze away from him to the blue sea in front of you, “Because Tae, you can’t have a girlfriend and a girl best friend. Your girlfriend should be your girl best friend. Having both makes things complicated and I didn’t want to fuck anything up between you and Yejin. It was just easier to become distant from you.” That was partly the truth. You didn’t want to be that girl in the relationship and you truly felt that Yejin and Taehyung's relationship deserved to grow without any obstacles. Because that’s what you were: an obstacle in their love. 

Taehyung gently placed his hand over yours, “I wish you told me that. I thought you hated me or something.”

You tore your gaze from the crashing waves and looked into Taehyung's dark eyes “I could never hate you.”

He smiled  and winked, “Don’t worry. I know that strawberry girl. It’s comforting to know you’re just as whipped for me as I am for you.” 

You pushed his shoulder, “Shut up. I’m not fucking whipped for your dumbass.”

He went quiet for a moment and looked deep into your eyes, “I think it’s really sweet you're waiting for love. That you want to experience your firsts with someone you love.”

“You don’t have to say that. It’s really fucking lame.” you said, playing with the ends of your hair, twisting the strands around your fingers. 

“I don't think so. It actually makes perfect sense for you.”

“What do you mean?” you said confused, not understanding what he was saying.

“I mean there's a lot of different types of girls. Some like to fuck different people and some would rather not. And that's all fine because everyone has their preferences and a right to live their life the way they want to. I think girls like you are meant for something lasting, girls like you are meant for love.” 

You wish you could tell him all of your insecurities about love and romance; that you couldn't possibly fathom someone liking you back but of course, you had insecurities about talking about your insecurities. 

All you said was, “One day.”

“I think you’ll find the love of your life soon. You better introduce me to him right away.” He said chuckling, bumping his shoulder against yours.

It was getting really dark but you and Taehyung kept talking as if you had all the time in the world. 

“Okay, what’s your favorite quote?” Taehyung excitedly asked. He always came up with the most random but interesting questions to ask you. 

“Like from a movie or book or show or poetry?”

“Anything. I know you watch and read a lot of stuff so you must have some lines that have stuck with you.” 

“Um. Lemme think. You have to do yours too.”

“Okay bet. Well mine is ‘I wish they would only take me as I am’. Van Gogh said it,” he said in a soft tone. 

“Why do you like it?” 

“I just...feel like everyone has this perception of me you know? And I have to live up to it.”

“What perception do you think people have of you?”

“I guess the perception that I’m some stupid frat boy who only cares about soccer. I can’t have things I care about like photography or school. I constantly have to be this upbeat happy guy. I can’t have other feelings than that. I can’t have people I care about like my hyungs or you. And I’m automatically a douche for sleeping around. I mean I just wish people understood that I never try to fuck with feelings and I’m always upfront about everything. And no one ever wants to talk to me and get to know who I am. It feels like everyone wants something from me. I just wish” he exhaled deeply, like all of his anxieties were coming out of him, “that people took me as I am.”

You were quiet for a moment. Taehyung had a lot of expectations weighing on him and you had never really considered this internal conflict he was having. You said sincerely, “I hope you get to a point in your life where you don’t have to pretend for other people.”

“I don’t have to pretend when I’m with you.”

You smiled at him “I like the real Taehyung. The one who likes sitting by the ocean and taking pictures of his friends.”

He leaned back on his arms “I’m hoping other people will too. Okay, your turn.”

“Um okay, so mine is from a book. ‘Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done’. It’s from the book Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson.”

“Why do you like that quote?” 

You thought for a moment carefully choosing your words, “Because so many people are hard on themselves. Myself included. And we like to beat ourselves up for the mistakes we made. Just dwell on it and let these mistakes define us. It’s hard to pick yourself back up and move forward. But I guess that quote gives me hope. For myself, for humanity.”

Taehyung nodded “I agree. It’s beautiful. I think, humans as a whole, we just are wired to constantly critique ourselves.”

You added, “And also, as a society, we tend to dehumanize anyone who does make a mistake. Like with our system of law and order. Our entire justice system is fucked and is a form of systemic racism that cultivates a binary understanding of morality. It punishes individuals who make mistakes rather than working on reform. It’s just-” you realized you had been talking for a while and turned red, “Sorry I kinda just went off there”

Taehyung just stared at you with awe, “No I like hearing you talk. You’re so fucking smart. Keep going, I wanna hear more about how our justice system is fucked.”

You felt your heart flutter at his words. You continued to explain to Taehyung about the internalized racism in the American justice system and the contemporary issues that are rooted in the systemic oppression of people of color as he listened intently. 

After talking for a little while longer, Taehyung glanced at his watch. “It’s almost midnight. We should probably head back.” 

You agreed and went to the car. The drive back was peaceful, with you two just enjoying each other’s company. Taehyung parked Jimin's car and you guys headed up to Jin’s apartment.

Before you knocked on Jin's apartment door, Taehyung pulled you to the side. He was holding your hand gently, “Hey. I’m really sorry for how I acted today. It was really bad and you had every right to be mad at me.”

“Tae I told you. It’s okay I’m over it.”

“I know. Thanks for making this night fun.” Then he leaned and planted a kiss on your forehead. You felt his warmth envelop you. Your cheeks turned red immediately and you felt your heart pounding. It felt like time had slowed down as his eyes completely entranced yours. Completely mesmerized, you thought, All I really want to know is what’s running through your mind when you look at me.

You tried to ignore the feeling of your heart melting so you crossed your arms defensively and retorted, “Even though you ditched the fucking party I planned.”

He smirked and knocked on Jin's door, “We both know you wanted to leave.”

Yoongi opened the door and when he saw the two of you standing at the door, a huge smile spread on his face,  “Well. Look who it is. I guess the lovely matching couple finally decided to join the party.”

You and Taehyung looked at each other. Fuck. It does look like you’re matching. Taehyung's dark pink carnation pinned to his black and white suit coordinated perfectly with your pink and white flowered black skirt. 

“Fuck off,” you glared at Yoongi.

Taehyung just laughed and entered the apartment. As you brushed past Yoongi, he snarked “So where’s my $20?” 

You flipped him off, “You’ll get it later.”

You saw that most people were gone which was a bit strange but it made clean up easier. It was just the BTS guys, Hana and you at Jin's apartment from what you could tell. You got to helping Hana clean up all the trash lying around. You were pretty absorbed in cleaning up and didn’t notice all the snickering coming from the direction of the BTS guys.

You looked at Hana in confusion and she shrugged her shoulders, also confused what they were talking about.

You heard Jimin and Hobi laughing really hard and looked over. You saw them doubled over in laughter and a very angry Jin. 

“Why the fuck is this happening to me?” He grumbled. 

Jungkook patted his shoulders, “Hey hyung. You just gotta let it go. It’s his birthday.”

Then it clicked to you that you hadn’t seen Taehyung since you guys entered the apartment. Hana and you walked over to the kitchen where they all were standing. 

Hana, with her hands on her hips, stated, “What in the world is going on? Why are you guys laughing and why is Jin mad?”

They all go silent and look at you. 

You furrow your eyebrows, “What? Why are you all looking at me?”

Then you hear it. A very loud and clear moan of Taehyung's name by none other than Jennie. Somehow you manage to remain emotionless and maintain a stone cold face but internally you felt your heart sink to the ground. 

“So you guys were laughing over the fact that Taehyung is fucking Jennie in Jin’s guestroom?” You scoffed, “How old are you guys? Five? I’m trying to go home as soon as possible so if we could all hurry this all up, it would make my life infinitely easier.”

You turned your back to the group and hope they bought your indifferent reaction. You continued to clean the apartment and tried to breathe shallow breaths. You tried to ignore the sounds coming from the room as much as you could but Jennie and Taehyung were being very vocal. You felt sick, with waves of nausea hitting you. After 20 minutes, you felt like your head and heart were going to explode. 

“Hey Hana. I’m really tired so I’m going to head back.”

She had a concerned look on her face, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, no I’m fine. I’m going to crash as soon as I get back.”

She nodded, “Okay text me when you reach.”

You gave her a hug and waved bye to the guys. You somehow were able to find the strength to make it back to your dorm.

The second you closed the door to your dorm, you sunk to the ground and the tears you had kept in came pouring out.

It hurt.

Fuck it hurt. 

author’s note: thanks for reading! lmk if ur enjoying the fic so far and if u would like to be tagged. pt 3 will be up soon!

tags: @fleurmoon @tangledsparkles @chocolatebelievercrusade @brokenobserver @ncitydreamies @soulstaes @bonnyskies @thelilbutifulthings @busansgloss @imluckybitches @xlectrahearts

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

Milkshakes and Existential Contemplation

Pairing: Kirishima x reader

Warnings: A single no-no word, tooth rotting fluff, dairy consumption (???), sleep deprived chats, and maybe some cold nostalgia

Author’s Note:

Hello! This is the promised Kirishima birthday fic I’ve been looking forward to since fOrEvEr (and it’s also taken me forever to write, goodness).

I’ll pretend like it isn’t wildly obvious that I wrote this during wildly different moods and levels of sleep deprivation.

Huge thank you and shout out to my buddies @sasha-annelie-quinn​ and @izzinks​ for helping me get this fic out on time! Especially Izzy, go check out her blog. She’s got some amazing original art! The ending was her idea :)

Not much to say other than Happy birthday, Kirishima! He’s undeniably my personal best boi and I love him with all my heart <3

Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

-Sugar

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══════✮❁•°♛°•❁✮ ══════

Eijirou knew he was in for quite a night when he awoke to your dark form hanging over him. Your hands gripped his shoulders from your stance at the side of his bed, and it took him a moment to even register that it was, in fact, you.

“(Y/N)? What time is it?” He yawned and rolled to his side, tugging his camo-print blanket over his shoulder. “Do you need cuddles again?” His voice made it evidently clear how deep a sleep he’d just come out of.

“Nah. It’s like—two AM? I don’t know, I was just thinking to myself and stuff and then it hit me that today is a very important day.”

“. . . It’s nighttime.”

You rolled your eyes in the dark. “Yeah, buuuut, it’s also your birthday! Yay!”

Kirishima ran a hand over his face, wondering if/when he would be able to go back to sleep. “Yep. It’s my birthday.”

You ignored the less-than-enthused tone in his voice. “I better have been the first person to wish you a happy birthday. You know, on your birthday. You didn’t get any phone calls yet or anything?”

“Nope. You’re the first.”

“Yeah!” You pumped your fist in the air.

“Is that what you wanted?" he asked. "Because I’ve got a pretty good idea of what I would like as my first present.” Eijirou shuffled over a bit to make more room for you, lifting the blanket next to him. “Snuggles with my pebble.”

You paused at his proposition, looking into the shadowy abyss that was Kirishima’s bed. There was a part of you that wanted to curl up in his warm arms, falling together with him into the realm that is sleep. You could already feel the kisses he’d leave on your cheeks, whispering broken ‘good night’s and ‘I love you’s as you drifted off. But no, you had something a little different in mind.

“Actuallyyy,” you said, drawing out the word. “I was wondering if you wanted to go on a little date.”

Kirishima furrowed his eyebrows together in the dark. “Like . . . right now?”

“Yeah.”

“. . . where?”

“I was thinking Denny’s. You know how it’s got that certain vibe right about now? It’ll be like we’re stepping into a whole other world.”

Kirishima looked at your shadowy face. It was clear that you were almost as tired and sleep deprived as him, and your brain probably wasn’t all there. A part of him could recognize that he wasn’t exactly being himself either due to his cut-off sleep. He wasn’t as peppy as usual (though, to be honest, who is at this hour of the morning?). However, Kirishima had to admit that he was intrigued by the idea. You had both discussed this concept once a few weeks ago while you were scheming date ideas. He’d thought it sounded fun at the time, but he certainly hadn’t expected it tonight.

“If you really don’t want to, we don’t have to,” you said, growing a little anxious at his lack of response. “I just thought it could be something different that we could do together.”

Eijirou sighed quietly to himself, considering. It was Friday night—no, Saturday morning—so it wasn’t as though you had classes in a few hours. He peeled the blanket off himself and sat up, rubbing at the back of his head. “Why not? Let’s go.”

“Yayyyyy!” you lowered your voice to a stage whisper, watching as he got up and fumbled around for his crocs and a pair of pants.

It was then that he looked to you. “Were you wanting to get dressed first?”

He’d noticed your choice to keep on your pajama pants, baggy and sweeping just at your ankles. These were your favorites—sinfully fuzzy and comfortable and absolutely adorable.

“This is my fashion statement,” you said, all serious.

Eijirou shrugged. “Cool.”

He opened his door for you, exaggerating a bow as he let you through. You feigned importance, nodding and curtseying at his gesture. The two of you giggled as Kirishima quietly shut the door behind himself.

“We have to be really quiet,” you whispered, taking out your phone and turning on the flashlight. You padded down the hall with Kirishima in tow, making your way to the stairs. It wasn’t long before you were at the door on the ground level, finding your own shoes while Eijirou slid on his crocs. You double checked that you had your bag containing your wallet around your shoulder before sidling up to Kirishima and intertwining his hand with yours.

“Isn’t this exciting?” you asked, grinning at him.

“Yeah, this is crazy.”

You giggled and opened the door, grateful that there wasn’t an alarm system.

The night air hit your skin deliciously, flooding your lungs as you inhaled. A chill October breeze ruffled your hair, and a light spattering of gooseflesh arose on your arms. You started down the sidewalk leading away from the Heights Alliance building, taking a moment to look up above you. Stars spattered the canvas of the night sky, and you found yourself enraptured by their profound beauty. Eijirou followed your gaze, looking from the diamond-studded tapestry of the atmosphere to its reflection in your soft, wide eyes.

“I can never get over how beautiful the world we live in is.”

Shit, why did you have to be so cute? Eijirou watched you gaze up at the sky for a few moments longer before you reached for his hand.

“Sorry,” you whispered. “I just love being out at night.”

Kirishima grinned. “Me too.”

You walked in the dark, hand in hand as you navigated to the local Denny’s. You’d been there before, but never as late as this. You’d especially never gone out alone with someone like Eijirou at such an hour. It was . . . beyond thrilling; wandering the chilled empty streets with none other than your beloved. It was as if you were the only two in existence—lost in a dream—and a part of you liked it that way.

Both you and Kirishima passed under a street lamp. You took the opportunity to get a good look at him in the yellow glow. His red hair was undone and framed his face in familiar spikes. The sight made you giddy, and you couldn’t help but reach up to touch him.

“Your hair looks so cute when it’s down like this. So soft.” You began to attempt to run your fingers through it when they found a slightly more tousled patch. “Ope, you’ve still got some bed-head there. My bedhead redhead. Heheheh.”

Kirishima snorted at your choice of words, letting you finger comb out the little tangle on the back of his scalp. “Um, thanks.”

One block later, you caught sight of a familiar yellow sign. You happily patted Kirishima’s arm. “We’re almost there!”

Now that he was up and moving around, Eijirou felt a little more awake. You had been right; he did almost feel as though he were in another world, being out so late. The streets were almost completely void of activity on this side of town, and street lamps lit warm pools of light onto the pavement to break up the darkness.

Eijirou walked you to the front entrance, pulling open the glass door for you to go in. You stood with him in the waiting area, and he let you lean against his arm while you watched for someone to come over and seat you.

Sure enough, a young man a few years your senior came around the counter. He looked from you to the screen of the device before him. “Just the two of you tonight?”

“Yeah,” Kirishima said.

Your waiter grabbed two menus and led you to a table in the back by a window. The only other person in there with you was an older man sitting at the other end of the restaurant. He looked just as half-asleep as the two of you were as he sipped at a mug of coffee.

Kirishima slid into the booth first, and you decided to sit down right next to him. He tenderly wrapped a warm arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer to his side. “So what were you thinking about getting?” he asked as the waiter walked off.

“It’s your birthday. You pick.”

“Oh, right.” Kirishima picked up one of the menus, thumbing through the laminated pages. “Do you want to split a milkshake? I’m not super hungry.”

“Ooh, that sounds good. What flavor should we get? Whatever you want.”

“Hmm.” The redhead next to you scanned over the kinds of ice cream listed. “How about . . . vanilla strawberry swirl?”

“Yummy.” You settled in closer beside him, letting his warmth envelop you. A wave of tiredness decided to settle onto your eyelids, and you fought to keep them from closing all the way. You had to admit to yourself that you were tired, but this was still something you’d wanted to do with your boyfriend for some time. You’d stay here chatting and enjoying yourselves, and then you’d go back to his room and cuddle until you fell asleep. That sounded so nice . . . .

The waiter came up to your table again, and it was only now that you realized that you were practically shoved up into Eijirou’s armpit. The sleepy haze that clouded your mind made you feel a little more lenient about your display of affection, but even so, you moved to straighten yourself.

“What’ll you have to drink?” he asked, taking out a small pad of paper.

“I don’t think we’ll need anything.” Kirishima looked to you to confirm. “We’re ready to order.” He placed his milkshake request and watched as the other man made his way back to the kitchen. “So.” Eijirou wrapped his arm around you again, pulling you back to your previous position. “Denny’s at an ungodly hour of the morning. Thoughts?”

“This is kind of a vibe,” you said, looking at all the empty tables bathed in fluorescent light. “It’s even weirder because I’m tired. Otherwise it would just be an empty restaurant.”

“It’s pretty neat,” Eijirou agreed, taking a look out the dark windows. It was nearly impossible to see out of them due to the bright light within the building.

“So how does it feel to be a whole year older?” you asked, adjusting yourself so you could look at his face.

“Um, the same, kinda? I don’t think I’ve changed all that much this past year.”

“Look at us,” you said. “Closer to being adults, to going pro and being heroes . . . . I’m kind of scared.”

“Scared? But isn’t it exciting too?”

“Of course, yeah.” You began to fiddle with one of the paper placemats, studying the color-printed image on it. It depicted one of the meals on the menu, and you let your eyes trace over every detail of it. “I guess the concept of being all grown up and independent is starting to hit me. There’s so much I don’t know yet.”

The redhead nodded at your musings. “We can be there for each other, you know. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you’re on your own in everything.”

You hummed, examining the shading on a portion of rice depicted on the paper mat in front of you. “Are you thinking that we’d . . . still be together then? After we graduate?”

Kirishima flushed at your question. “I mean—I’d like to. It’s all a matter of time, but . . . .” He trailed off, unwilling to be so vulnerable yet to voice his visions.

“I’d love that too,” you said, hoping you hadn’t come across as implying that you wanted your relationship to be cut short after high school. “What’s your dream? A smaller one that’s beside the pro-hero one. What do you want our future to look like?”

Eijirou shrugged, tracing his fingertips down your arm. “I don’t know.”

“Oh, come on, of course you do,” you teased. “It’s alright. Just tell me about the thoughts that make you the happiest. I don’t care how realistic they might be. Let's just say we could do anything.”

Emboldened by your words, your boyfriend took a quick breath. “Maybe we could move in together some time. Be heroes by day and then come home and see each other. I’d like to wake up with you in my arms . . . every day.” His cheeks had flushed a bit at voicing his fantasy, avoiding your eyes in case you decided it sounded silly.

“That sounds wonderful,” you said, finally catching his crimson gaze with your own. His face melted into a sweet smile and he took hold of your hand in his, making a point of intertwining your fingers together.

The atmosphere around you felt a little strange. You were alone and yet so exposed at the same time. The man at the opposite end could glance over at any time. Your waiter could come back with your milkshake. And yet at the same time it felt as though it was just you and Kirishima, sharing your private musings.

“Do you ever miss being a kid?” you asked, turning to look out the inky black window.

Eijirou winced a bit, his expression growing a little distant and troubled at your words. This, however, went unnoticed by you, and you merely continued to mindlessly stroke at the side of his hand with your thumb. “I guess there are some parts I miss . . . ,” he began. “But I like who I am now a lot better.”

He hadn’t told you about the majority of his self views yet. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you, he simply didn’t think you needed to know about that side of him. It was in the past and it didn’t matter anymore, right?

“I like how you are too, but like, the nostalgic stuff. You know—tv shows, games, people who you don’t talk to anymore. I still think about my Nintendogs and cry sometimes.”

Eijirou looked back at you. “For real?”

“Yeah,” you said. “They’re just . . . there. In the game. Waiting for me. And who knows if I’ll ever even put the game back in again?” You put your elbows on the table and your chin in your hands, letting your mind wander back to thoughts of them. An unexpectedly large wave of disproportionate sadness crashed into you, and it was as if you couldn’t think of anything else for a moment.

“Hey, are you good?” Eijirou asked.

“I don’t know.”

He put a hand on your back. “Do you still have your DS? You could show them to me sometime.”

Your focus shifted dramatically at his words. “Really?”

“Yeah, I’d like to see them.”

A little part of you began to buzz with an odd spike of happiness. You must have been really sleep-deprived to be feeling emotional like this.

Just then, your waiter came out of the kitchen with your milkshake. “There you are,” he said as he put it down in front of you. “Enjoy.”

It really did look good, in a tall clear glass with the vanilla ice cream swirled within stripes of pink strawberry.

“Would you like me to sing you Happy Birthday?” you asked.

“You don’t have to,” Kirishima said with a chuckle.

“You can’t stop me.” You took a breath and began to sing, quiet enough so the entire restaurant wouldn’t be disturbed by your volume, but obnoxious enough to pull some laughs from Eijirou. “‘Aight, go ahead,” you said, handing him a spoon.

He dipped it into the strawberry ice cream, catching some of the whipped cream on the end. You watched as he put it to his lips, grinning at the taste. You followed suit right after him, taking your own spoon and helping yourself.

The conversation shifted to a lighter-hearted one. The sleepy hum of exhaustion buzzing in the backs of your heads seemed to make everything funnier, and numerous times one of you would say something to make the other crack up. Even the dumbest things that weren’t even funny at all forced you to clap your hands over your mouths to keep the otherwise silent atmosphere around you as such.

You slowly made your way through your shake, occasionally changing it up by feeding each other spoonfuls of ice cream. Eijirou even had the audacity to deliberately get some on the tip of your nose, only to lean in and kiss it off of you himself.

“Tasty,” he remarked, pressing his forehead against yours. His voice suddenly dropped as he met your eyes. “I think I want more.”

As if you weren’t enough of a flustered mess already, he met his lips to yours. He tasted sweet, with remnants of the ice cream lingering on his mouth. You felt secluded in your booth in the back of the restaurant, but even so, a new thrill coursed through you. It was rare for the both of you to have such moments as these in public, and your heart sped even further as your spine pressed into the cushioned back of the seat.

Nothing too extreme happened, just three sweet pecks against your lips, but even so, you couldn’t help but flush a bit with these feelings of excitement and adoration for him.

A few minutes later, you had finished your ice cream and were ready to go. You went to the front and paid for the shake (it was your treat since it was his birthday, and he only protested for a brief minute about letting you pay). Eventually you were back outside in the cool night air, hand in hand as you walked back to the dorms. At this point, the two of you were about ready to crash, and you couldn’t wait to get back inside and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Which is exactly what you did. Back in his room, you found yourself tucked snugly under his multi-colored blanket, face buried in his warm chest. The darkness was silent and peaceful, and now the weight of your eyelids pressed down tenfold. Your consciousness began to peter out, drifting from thought to thought, breaths deepening within your lungs.

Yet the same couldn’t be said for the man around you. His mind had decided to wander to something you’d said to him earlier, and now he couldn’t think of anything else. He couldn’t quite see your face in the absence of light, but he knew you were probably on the verge of sleep. He felt you shift around a bit in his arms, and that prompted him to speak up.

“(Y/N)?” he whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Um, you know how we were talking earlier about what we missed from being a kid?”

“Yeah?” Your voice was faint, only functioning because you wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Well I guess I . . . thought of something.”

“What’s that?”

Kirishima chose to ignore the slight slur in your voice, stroking the top of your head absentmindedly with his fingertips. “I miss . . . feeling safe. I was thinking about how when you’re a kid you don’t really know anything about what the world is really like. Your parents protect you and there isn’t anything you really need to worry about. The choices you make don’t change the lives of other people, you can just . . . be. We don’t—we can’t have that anymore.”

His words had stirred you awake, and now you were more intent on what he had said. He was right. Back then, there was almost no fear. You hadn’t needed to worry about villain attacks, or kidnappings, or saving the lives of others. Ignorance was bliss, and every day that sweet bliss seemed to slip further and further from being your reality anymore.

“You’re right,” you muttered, taking his large hand and beginning to fidget with his fingers. Your voice was now more solid, more focused and awake. “As heroes and adults, we need to take on more responsibility. The world isn’t a safe place.” You pulled his hand closer to your face, letting your lips graze his knuckles as you mused to the solid form in front of you. “Taking on this job . . . we had to give up on that. We have to bear a burden so others don’t have to. We chose this job to protect those people, to make sure no one else had to live in fear. The things we’ve had to go through, as a class and as a society—it sucks. But that’s simply how our world works now. We just need to do our best to correct it.”

Eijirou brought up his hand a bit to caress your cheek. You leaned into his touch, gazing into the space you assumed his scarlet eyes were staring back. You turned to press a kiss into the palm of his hand.

“I guess I do still feel safe sometimes, though,” he muttered, voice scarcely daring to break the silence of the room around you.

“Yeah?”

“I feel safe when I’m with you.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you grew flustered at his words. “Really?” you asked.

“Well, yeah.” Eijirou wrapped his arms around you again, pulling you back into his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of your hair, pausing to inhale the faint smell of your shampoo.

“But you’re the one holding me,” you chuckled, gripping the front of his shirt loosely with your fingers.

“Yeah, and I love it. I feel safe.” He began to move a hand in circles over your back, the soothing motion causing you to relax even more into his touch. “Besides, it’s the manly thing to do.”

You giggled again, faint and drowsy. “You are manly. The manliest boyfriend I could ask for. But you don’t need to be manly all the time with me. You know I’d hold you at any time you needed it, right?”

He rested his chin on the top of your head. “Mm, but it’s my turn tonight.”

You rubbed at his back with your own hand. “Happy birthday, Eiji," you whispered into his ear. “I love you.”

“I love you too," he murmured back. "Thanks for being my Pebble. That’s the best gift I could have asked for.”

You smiled and hummed, the patterns you had been tracing onto his back growing ever lighter.

He chuckled to himself. “My sleepy Pebble.” He planted one last kiss at the top of your forehead. “Good night.”

“Goodbth nigh,” you responded, not bothering to fix the exhausted yet contented slur in your voice.

He hugged you tight and let his eyes drift closed. His birthday had hardly even started yet, but it was already turning out to be his best one yet.

══════✮❁•°♛°•❁✮ ══════

There’s a bonus part to this too! Find it here!

Taglist: @basicaegyo​ @iiminibattlehero​ @katsugay​ @nabo39​ @pyrofanatic​​ @sendhelpimstupid​ @sokkasangel​ @xoxopam4​ @aahilovetheatre​ @heartpaw12​ @todoroki-waifu​

[tanookikiss]

Paul’s Birthday

Pairing: Tommy x Paul, Gene x Eric. S

Rating: T

Author’s note: So I’ve had this silly little fluffy idea in my head for about a month. I wasn’t sure if I was going to finish it in time, but I have some awesome friends to thank for that. Thank you @ashestoashesvvi  for offering me valuable art tips and suggestions for this story.

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Tommy looked forward to all special occasions. He adored gatherings, celebrating milestones with his loved ones. However, there was one special occasion in particular that the guitarist had been prepping for months: Paul’s birthday.

The Spaceman would be the first to admit his infatuation with The Starchild. Who could blame him? Paul was the whole package; smart, sexy, kind, and talented. The two had spent a lot of time together, bonding over their shared love of painting, and Tommy cherished every minute of it. He adored any chance to be with Paul, really, but there was something special and intimate about their art sessions. He had taught Paul a few tips here and there, and Paul took to it like a natural. 

Paul wasn’t just painting a canvas; he was baring his soul. His radiant smile sent butterflies a flutter throughout Tommy’s stomach when he mixed his paints. There was a childlike wonder that twinkled within those beautiful chocolate eyes as the brush met the canvas ever so delicately. Paul was soft and vulnerable. It was a side of himself that he shields from the world out of fear and that made Tommy sad. Paul was at his most beautiful whenever he could let go and create. And Tommy was determined to help set him free.

As the party guests were busy mingling in Paul’s living room, Tommy was busy setting up his grand gift display in the art studio. Gene and Eric distracted Paul while Tommy meticulously re-arranged the color palette to be perfect. Nothing was too good for his Paul. He smiled as he observed his display.

“Hey Tommy, if you want any cake you better hurry before Gene monopolizes the sweets table,” Eric announced, walking into the studio with a glass of champagne. “Holy shit! How many cans of paint did you buy!?” he exclaimed, nearly spilling his drink all over the floor.

“Seventy-two,” Tommy replied with pride. “All seventy-two colors of Liquitex Professional Acrylic Paint. It took me weeks to get every single color to complete the collection,” he gestured to the colorful pyramid display in the center of the room.

Eric blinked, completely gobsmacked at the impressive rainbow pyramid before him. “Of all the things you could’ve bought Paul, you spent weeks buying various fingerpaints!”

“This is the highest quality acrylic paint on the market. All of the great artists use this brand. It’s in very high demand!” Tommy blurted out, explaining his reasoning to the skeptic drummer.

Eric squinted his eyes. “Oh yeah? What’s so special about it?”

Tommy carefully pulled a red bottle down from the display. He opened the top to show Eric the buttery red consistency inside. “Each color is uniquely formulated to bring out the brilliance and clarity of the individual pigment. It’s perfect for color mixing.”

Eric still couldn’t see what was so great about this overpriced paint. It looked like regular red paint to him, but he knew Tommy went to a lot of trouble to get it for Paul, and he knew how important it was for his friend, so he tried to be as cordial as he could, “Yeah, that red is…very red,” he smiled, patting Tommy on the back. “I’m sure Paul will love it.”

Tommy smiled back at his friend. “Paul is an artistic genius! He only deserves the best.”

Eric scratched his head while observing Paul’s latest painting titled, “Doors Of Perception” in confusion. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far…I mean, this door looks more like a window!”

“I think it looks like a waffle.”

Tommy and Eric turned their heads to see Gene propped outside the door, munching on his cake.

Tommy shook his head. “You guys aren’t looking deep enough into the emotionally charged compositions. It’s Abstract Art. It’s not supposed to be realistic. The colors and shapes represent aesthetic ideas instead of natural forms.”

Gene and Eric gave each other a puzzled look with arched eyebrows before turning their attention back to their supposedly art connoisseur Spaceman.

“Then how do you explain this one?” Gene asked, pointing his fork to a canvas covered in brown smudges with a hint of blue and green along the edges.

Eric chuckled. “Let me guess…it’s supposed to be a window into the troubled soul of a starving artist,” he overdramatically stated, prompting a deep chuckle out of Gene.

Tommy rolled his eyes. “This one is not finished yet. Paul has been working on this piece for days now.”

Eric blinked. “It took him days to just randomly slap some brown, blue and green onto a canvas!?”

Tommy sighed. He honestly had no idea why he bothered trying to explain Abstract Art to these two unappreciative buffoons.

“Tommy? Are you back here?” Paul asked from outside the door.

In a hurry, Tommy put down the red bottle in the middle of the floor and scrambled to the door just before Paul could set foot into the room.

“Hey Paul,” he asked breathlessly, trying his best to block Paul’s view from his surprise.

Paul cocked his head curiously. “There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I thought you left,” he said sadly, twirling a nervous finger around his necklace clasp.

“No! Never! I would never leave you…err… leave the party,” Tommy fumbled, shaking his head. Eric snickered behind him. Tommy resisted the urge to swat at him.

“What are you all doing in my art studio?” Paul asked, noticing Gene and Eric standing behind Tommy.

Before Tommy could speak, Eric blurted out, “Tommy has a surprise for you!”

“Oh!” Paul’s eyes lit up, and there was that joy that Tommy loved so much. “You got me a surprise! You didn’t have to…but I am glad you did,” his grin blossomed into a huge smile, melting Tommy’s heart on the spot.

Paul reached out and grabbed Tommy’s hand, pulling him out of the room. “We’re about to open presents in the living room. I didn’t want to start without you,” he said softly. Tommy blushed and followed Paul’s lead eagerly, ignoring Eric and Gene’s playful taunts the entire way back.

Once inside the living room, everyone gathered around Paul as he opened up his various exquisite gifts from Rolex watches to fine silk bed sheets.

“Alright, this is from Gene,” Paul said, picking up a random present from the table.

“Ha! Oh, this is going to be good,” Eric snorted, smacking his gum loudly. Gene gave Eric a stern look, which the Catman only gave a cheeky smirk in return.

Paul unwrapped the present, only to find a box. He opened the box and saw what looked like a wooden knife block with a knife in it. Paul pulled the knife out, dropping it in horror.

“Ah! What the hell, Gene?”

“What? It’s a Nesmuk! Didn’t you say you wanted one?” Gene crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow.

“Yes, I did, but why the hell is it stained red?” Paul asked in disgust.

Everyone eyed the suspicious red substance all over the knife blade and then looked up at Gene with weirded out expressions.

“What? It’s just strawberry jam. Eric didn’t wash the dishes so I had to use the knife to make a sandwich,” Gene explained casually.

“So, instead of just washing a butter knife yourself you just used the expensive fine German cutting knife?” Eric laughed in between loud gum smacks.

“Uh, yeah, it’s still a utensil!” Gene defended abrasively.

“Well, um, thanks Gene,” Paul said with an obvious forced smile. He then reached for another gift in the pile.

“This one is from Eric,” Paul said, reading the tag.

Eric grinned in excitement as Paul unwrapped his gift.

“It’s a Nick Fouquet hat! By why is it flat?” he pouted, examining the squished black hat with a few dented blue feathers on the side.

“Gene accidentally sat on it,” Eric replied with crossed arms.

Gene merely shrugged as he continued munching on his chocolate cake.

Paul put the hat aside. “We should all head up to my studio. Apparently, Tommy has a marvelous surprise for me that I’m just dying to see,” he grinned at Tommy.

“I wanted to save the best for last,” he whispered in Tommy’s ear, causing the younger man to blush as he led the group up to Paul’s art studio.

Everyone oooh’d and ahhh’d over the beautiful acrylic paint display, but no one was more intrigued than Paul, of course.

“Is this the entire Liquitex Professional Acrylic Paint collection?” Paul asked in awe, circling around the magnificent seventy-two canned pyramid like an excited child on Christmas morning. “You got all of this for me!?”

Tommy couldn’t stop the large grin from spreading across his face even if he wanted to. “Yeah, I sure did.”

Without warning Paul pulled Tommy into a tight loving hug. “Thank you so much, Tommy! I love it!” he cheered, kissing Tommy on the cheek. “He taught me how to paint!” the birthday boy bragged to everyone in the room. Tommy’s cheeks burned hot as he leaned closer into the warm embrace. He wished he could stay in this position with Paul forever.

Breaking away from the hug, Paul still kept his arms around Tommy. “I want to test the colors out on a blank canvas,” he smiled, turning to grab a clean canvas.

As Paul was carrying a large canvas over, Tommy noticed the lone red paint can he had left in the middle of the floor carelessly. Quickly, he rushed over to retrieve the can to prevent Paul from tripping over it, but, unfortunately, Tommy’s foot caught a nearby easel causing him to lose his balance. Everything happened so fast. Before Tommy could get his wits about him, his arms, hands, the floor, and the unfinished painting were covered in red paint.

Surprised gasps filled the room as everyone grew quiet, staring down the clumsy guitarist.

“Nice fall, Grace!” Eric bellowed out loud, breaking the awkward silence.

“Did you have a nice trip?” Gene chimed in, making the already embarrassing situation ten times worse!

Tommy’s face flushed red. “I’m s...so sorry!” He stood up wobbly, looking around for some paper towels. He felt delirious as if he was trapped in some sort of nightmare.

“My painting!” Paul cried out, dropping the new canvas to rush over to inspect the damage done on his precious art work.

That precious glimmer in his eyes had dulled. That beautiful radiant smile had become a frown. That look of disappointment plastered on his face would forever haunt Tommy in his dreams. Several nosy bystanders had snapped out of their trance, rushing over with paper towels to help clean up the mess.

“Paul, I’m sorry,” Tommy’s voice cracked, staring at the other man helplessly.

Paul didn’t even look at him. He just stood motionless, staring at the ruined painting in silence. Tommy couldn’t bear it anymore and rushed off to the nearby bathroom, turning on the water faucet and pumping lots of soap into his hands. With a sad sigh, he scrubbed his hands and arms in the soapy water with fury. He wanted nothing more than to erase the evidence of his great blunder. The bright red paint residue mixed with the white soap had turned into a hideous pinkish color stained onto his skin. Who was he kidding? It would take days for this accursed color to come out. Just another painful daily reminder of how he ruined Paul’s birthday.

Tommy held his head down in shame, feeling completely ashamed and angry at himself for what had happened. He knew Paul had worked hard on that painting. All those relentless hours down the drain and all because of one careless mistake.

Paul knocked on the bathroom door before entering. “Tommy? Are you alright?”

Tommy took a deep breath and faced Paul. “Paul, I’m so sorry I ruined your painting. I just feel awful for what I did.”

“Ruined it?” Paul blinked at him. “You just made it even better.”

Tommy looked over in confusion. He wasn’t expecting that kind of response out of Paul. “What do you mean?”

Paul grinned, putting a plaster tool in Tommy’s hand. “Come on, we both started this, let’s finish it together.”

Tommy followed Paul back into the studio and observed the painting. The red and brown had mixed into a gorgeous burgundy color with hints of blue and green on the edges. The guests were buzzing around the painting like bees to honey, commenting on what a superb color that was. Gene and Eric stood dumbfounded, unable to figure out what everyone was so excited about. Gently, Paul put his hand on Tommy’s hand, guiding the plaster tool onto the canvas. Everyone watched closely as the two men moved like one. In one swift motion they had melded the gorgeous deep reddish colored form into a heart shape.

“Beautiful,” Paul whispered, his eyes surveying the gorgeous masterpiece.

Tommy nodded in agreement. “Beautiful,” he agreed.

Paul looked up to see that Tommy wasn't looking at the painting but at him instead. The two leaned in closer, sharing a gentle kiss.

~There are no mistakes, only happy accidents~ Bob Ross

[not-xpr-art]

Art Advice #2 - How to beat art block!

Hi again everyone!

This is the second instalment to my Art Advice tag offering hints and tips for artists of any skill level! 

This time I’ll be going into ways I’ve found that help me to combat art block or creative ruts. Of course, these may not work for you, and a big part of art is learning about what things do and do not work for you, but I hope it at least offers some advice to anyone who struggles with art blocks!

How to beat art block. 

Getting into an art block can be one of the most frustrating things as an artist. Especially if you’ve tried to dedicate a window of time to drawing something, only for your brain to ‘nope’ out and give you no motivation. I’ve found it can often make you feel worthless as an artist, particularly when you see fellow artists continuing to produce countless amazing artworks, and this kind of self depreciation only adds to your inability to produce anything. 

And I’m not about to suggest some magical cure of art block, since I don’t believe there is one, but I hope that my advice can at least help lead you towards getting out of these vicious circles of art block & self deprecation!

Tip #1 - Explore other mediums 

I feel like as artists we get incredibly ‘comfortable’ in the mediums we’re familiar with. For me, that’s digital and pencil drawing. I’ve been doing pencil drawing for as long as I can remember, and digital for a little over 7 years, so I’ve become very comfortable in using them. 

However, I think that a good way to not only help combat art block, but also to expand your art horizons, is to step out of that comfort zone into a new field of art. 

Of course, I’m not saying that I expect every artist to go from pencil drawing for 10 years to suddenly picking up a paint brush and doing some oil painting. But instead that every so often maybe just try and dabble in mediums you’ve not used as much, or haven’t used before at all. A lot of shops sell pretty inexpensive paints, pens or pastels nowadays, not to mention a quick Google search will give you tips on how to use the particular medium if you’re not sure how to start. 

A thing I want to mention here, too, is that I think it’s important to not to expect yourself to be automatically ‘great’ at a particular medium. For example, last year I did my first embroidery piece. I had wanted to do embroidery for a long time, and did actually enjoy it a lot (even if it was incredibly time consuming lol). But I found myself dissatisfied with the finale result. 

And in a way this is because I expected myself to be perfect at embroidery after just one attempt, which is ridiculous of course, since any kind of art takes years and years to ‘master’. And when I look back, I can’t help but think ‘why does it have to be good in the first place’? Why did I put this pressure on myself to be a sudden Master of Embroidery, when surely the main goal of any kind of art is to some extent the enjoyment of the process? 

This is still a mindset I think a lot of artists will relate to, and is something I’m trying to combat myself. 

Recently I painted some fake plastic eggs inspired by the Polish folk art tradition ‘Pisanki’. They took a long time, and my neck hurt a lot from being hunched over and painting little dots, but honestly I really loved the whole process of them! Painting on 3D objects isn’t something I do a lot, and I also rarely do purely pattern-based work like this, so it was a real deviation from my comfort zone.

In a way, exploring other mediums is like a creative respite. Giving yourself a break from what you’re familiar with not only helps you to be inspired by a wide range or arts, but when you return to the mediums you enjoy the most, I’ve actually found you appreciate them even more!

(Really, nothing makes me more appreciative for digital art than painting a wrong dot on the surface of an egg and not being able to rub it out...)

Tip #2 - Try different styles

Another tip, similar in many ways to the first one, is to try different styles of art every once and a while. 

Like with materials, I think we as artists can get overly caught up in ‘our style’ of doing things. Whether this is a particular stylised or cartoonish way of drawing, or doing realistic art, or even sticking to a particular colour scheme. And I think especially in the world we live in, where artists have to make themselves as ‘consumer friendly’ as possible, which often means having a ‘recognisable brand’, it can feel like we have to do our art in a particular way, otherwise people will lose interest in it. 

I think this is harmful for a lot of reasons. Partly, I feel it stifles artists creativity to force themselves to do one style and one style only. I also feel it assumes that non-artists are so single-track minded that if an artist were to post works of art that involve different styles, then they would immediately lose interest. 

So my advice to any artist who has a particular style is to once in a while try out some different styles. It doesn’t have to be big pieces, and it also doesn’t have to be the polar opposite of what your style actually is. But instead if can be as simple as doing a ‘style challenge’ (something I’ve done in the past), or even just trying a different way of drawing or painting! 

In a way, changing your medium and changing your style occasionally go hand in hand. I particularly find that how I draw people will change with the kinds of mediums I use, or even when I start using a new brush with digital art.

For example, I recently did this super quick sketch of Kiki Layne, because I really loved the reference image, and it came out a lot more stylised than my art usually is. And this is almost entirely down to the brush I used (which was an ‘ink’ style brush, in comparison to the ‘pencil’ or ‘pen’ brushes I usually use for sketching). 

This isn’t a drastic change in style for me, but I do think even trying to do rougher or messier styles of art like this can allow you to see your art in a new light! 

(A side note here, but I already pretty much change up my style with every piece because I have no interest in being ‘marketable’ lol... But I’m definitely not suggesting everyone should be like me, just every so often changing up your style I believe can be really beneficial!)

Tip #3 - Changing subject matters

This one is essentially the same as the other two, and I’m sorry if this comes across as repetitive, but I think another great way to help beat art block is by changing up the kinds of things you draw!

Being predominantly a portrait artist, I rarely go out of my way to draw things like trees or birds or cups or whatever. But I know that often when I feel myself entering a kind of creative rut or art block, it’s because I’ve been drawing too many people & my brain is sort of all people-d out lol... 

(this is a tree I drew in oil paints midway through last year because I was feeling particular people-d out at that point)

So I think occasionally drawing other things, and going out of your art comfort zone, can help to improve your creativity. And hey, who knows, maybe you’ll end up incorporating something you drew randomly into a new artwork!

TL;DR (/conclusion)

So, remember that exploring other mediums, changing up your regular style and choosing other subject matters can all help in beating art block! Of course, you don’t have to do them all at the same time, but instead just dipping in and out of them as you produce your regular work can be highly beneficial! 

I mainly wanted to make this post not to say that by doing all three of these things, you’ll magically be free of art block forever, because that’s just not true. (I’m someone who does a lot of these things pretty regularly, but still gets into art blocks every now and then). I instead wanted to inspire you to deviate from what you are usually drawn to as an artist. 

The world is your creative oyster, so don’t be afraid to explore it! 

~

I hope you enjoyed this post about ways to beat art block! I may make a part two if people are interested since there are a lot of other things that I think can help in improving creativity!

[seance]

2020 content creator tag

RULES: answer the questions and then tag 10+ other creators to answer the questions! 

finally got around to do this, terribly late i know and i’m sorry but i swear i wasn’t ignoring all the incredibly talented people who tagged me! thank you so so much for thinking of me guys ♡ probably lost some @ in the process cause my notifs are a mess. @goinesjennifer @juliesmolina @faeryglass @almondchestnut @olisgifs @andyoudoctor @yenvengerberg @iridescentides @juliesmolinas 

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: god, i already said this but giffing really became my #1 coping mechanism this year so i have a LOT of stuff just from this year. the first one is this THE WITCHER INTRO CARDS gifset and the most recent is actually my julie’s gifset from yesterday but i’m not satisfied with it so! i’m gonna say this KLAUS AND FIVE PARALLELS gifset instead.

one of your favorite creations from 2020: oof, this is super difficult because i get attached to most of my creations, even if they don’t come out as i initially hoped. i’ll go with this five gifset BIRDS HOVER THE TRAMPLED FIELD just because it’s a perfect example of a rare occurrence aka when both my inspiration and my vision and my skills align and i manage to create something exactly how i first imagined it. and also because i think there’s not better fitting poem for this man.

a creation you’re really proud of: i have a few but maybe this ODE TO NUMBER FIVE gifset just because i had a very specific vibe i wanted to give off and i think i managed alright with the colors, texture and design choices! and then i can’t not mention this YOU WERE ALWAYS GOLD TO ME gifset just because i literally poured all my heart into it. this song and these people mean so so much to me.

a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: my style really evolved at the speed of light starting july and i still can’t believe the things i learned once i just let myself try. i keep having new ideas and trying really hard not to dismiss them and see if they work out, telling myself it’s okay if they don’t! i think this ALLISON HARGREEVES gifset basically has it all: the blending, the font work, the shape play. or even this JATP + BODIES OF WATER type of style, complex blending such as this one WILLEX SUPERSTAR is slowly becoming my trademark and i’m not mad about it, i love playing around with fonts like i did in this ALEXREGGIE gifset even if i know it gets really crowded and hard to read sometimes, or even with lines and block of colors like i did here JATP BORN FOR THIS, i finally got back to play around with textures JATP SCRAPBOOK and even JATP DISCOGRAPHY i also tried my hand at creating entire new “atmospheres” playing with specific visual choices like i did in the HARGREEVES AS PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS set.

your favorite coloring: okay you guys know coloring is easily my favorite thing to do in the world and i’m usually pretty proud of every outcome because i remember how difficult it was for me, for years i thought i would never learn but i still did it, all by myself just keeping trying like a madwoman lmao basically all my the umbrella academy gifset are my pride and joy because did you see that show? how shitty the lighting is? gifmakers need a miracle every single time. so i’m gonna list a few that i still look at fondly ♥

THE SEVEN HARBINGERS OF THE APOCALYPSE

WILLIE AND CALEB 

YOU CAN SET YOURSELF FREE (HARGREEVES)

SEASON ONE FAVORITE EPISODE

ALWAYS GOLD TO ME

THE OLD GUARD + RICHARD SIKEN

a creation that took you forever: basically everything i do ahah just because one way or another i always get stuck on something for hours at end be it the fonts or the colors or the scene choices. but i’d say this STRONGER + HAGREEVES SIBLINGS gifset just because my inspiration went off and i decided i wanted to try a bunch of different techniques all at once and my brain didn’t let me rest until i did it all. to think it all started with just that “everyone will know me by a different name” line, oh my god.

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this VANYA + HER SIBLINGS LOVE gifset with 15.406 notes that i kinda hate because what’s up with that font? and the ugly coloring?! totally gonna remake this one because they deserve far better.

a creation you think deserved more notes: oh my god deep down i want to be selfish and say so many because that number never really match the effort i  put in most of my gifs but i’ve also learned not to get too bitter about that, few people rb it, even fewer people comment on it but those people are worth more than anyone else. if i had to chose i’d say either the ALWAYS GOLD TO ME set just because it means so much to me, this ALEXREGGIE set that was so fun to make and i love how the colors and the font work came out, this VANYA + EMPATHY set, and this SWEETIE LITTLE JEAN one.

a creation with a favorite scene/quote: i rarely do actual, canonical quotes and i never use just one scene gsjds- so i’ll go with this DIEGO + LOVE FOR HIS FAMILY one even if i don’t like the font and again ALEX&REGGIE being themselves.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: considering i was already the umbrella academy and the witcher obsessed i’d say the old guard (YOU KNOW ME WELL) and julie and the phantoms (FAVORITE FRIENDSHIP)

a creation you made that breaks your heart: oh, if you know me even one bit you also know i thrive on angsty feelings, they’re usually my main inspiration not gonna lie so choosing is not that simple! again, this KLAUS AND FIVE parallels gifset because of the sheer tragedy of their lives, this SWEETIE LITTLE JEAN five gifset, this KLAUS HARGREEVES one and this I WANNA BE NUMB AGAIN, this DEAR FORGIVENESS, YOUR BOOKER because this man is a walking tragedy (and this PIECES OF ME DIE ALL THE TIME too for good measure) and then this HARGREEVES SIBS + DAUGHTER gifset.

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: i have brainworms and once i’ve learned how to do something i never manage to come back to the things i did before so i’ve rarely made “simpler” things lately. maybe this JATP + TIMES OF DAY still qualify.

a creation that was inspired by another one (add both your creation and the one that inspired it!): this FAVORITE JATP CHARACTERS with the circle text inspired by this gifset by the loml @evakant // this JATP ROLES with the triangles technique inspired by this work of art by @anya-chalotra and this WARRIOR JULIE set with the text layout inspired by a lovely gifset that now seems to be deleted :(

a favorite creation created by someone else: i love everything my mutuals make but there are some people who really pushed me to always learn more and their gifs are still my absolute favorite thing to date. for example: this THE OLD GUARD TAROTS set by @milkovivhs // this incredible HARGREEVES SIBLINGS one by @yenvengerberg // this GERALT OF RIVIA masterpiece by @anya-chalotra // this CROWLEY set by the queen of colors herself @meliorn

some of your favorite content creators from the year: really too many to count, my mutuals inspire me every single day, the keep my creativity alive and seeing their creations on my dash is always such a treat! so, all the above for sure and then: i‘m stupidly proud of @sunsetscurving i saw her grow into the giffing process with such speed and such vision, everything she does is so pretty, but all my mutuals are incredibly talented. they don’t do anything half-assed, everything they do perfectly mirrors their efforts! @captainheroism @emeraldphantoms @nora-reid @amandaseyfried @rockyblue @juliesmolina @juliesmolinas @lettersdeeplyworn @jakeperalta @kennyortegas @merceralexs @alexreggieluke @calebcovington @andyoudoctor @almondchestnut @iridescentides @number5theboy @evakant

 and for good measure, another a couple more creations of yours that you love: excluding all the above i’ll go with

JATP FAVORITE QUOTE  

HARGREEVES AS GREEK DEITIES 

YOU ARE HERE TO RISK YOUR HEART

THE JATP GEMSTONE SERIES x / x

SOBRIETY IS OVERRATED

AMOR C’HA NULLO AMATO

IF MEMORIES COULD BLEED

this took me so long that everyone else already did it before me so i don’t think i can tag anyone, if you’re reading this and feel like doing it please feel free!

[zodiyack]

The Artist Behind His Heart

Requested by @morganofthecoves1: Hi! Can I request a Roman Sionis x plus size reader oneshot, if your ok with it. I had the idea that the reader is the one who created most of the art Roman owns. He takes her out for meals and invites her around to 'talk' about art but really he actually likes her. The reader is insecure so she doesn't realise that he flirts with her but she is also wary of him because she's heard rumours about him (AKA he kills people). Thanks!

Pairing: Roman Sionis x Plus sized!Female!Artist!Reader

Warnings: Insecurities, mention of the peeling of faces (it’s Roman guys), swearing, fluff, slight accidental ooc Roman(?), not proofreading

Note: I apologize if this is sucky, again, I ran into a bit of a block. I hope you like it apart from that! And I’m so sorry this took a bit! I’ve been busy and had some more tough writer’s block, but I’m pushing past it! Again, I’m sorry if this is eh

taglist: @stardancerluv @matth1w​ @redspaceace​

masterlist

Roman checked the clock before heading out, fixing his hair and breathing heavily. He breathed into his hand, then popped in a mint. Sionis, sprucing up? It’s a normal sight, but not as normal as him being nervous as he did so. Like a teen boy going to pick up his first date, he was a bit panicky.

Y/n was the woman who did his artwork for him, most of it at least. She was a cute lady, one that Roman had the feels for. He often enjoyed going and eating with her, preferably in places that didn’t know him all too well. He wanted to avoid scaring the girl away, wanted desperately for this to last, and possibly, evolve into something more.

The driver followed his directions, taking him to some random restaurant Victor recommended. There she sat, waiting by the door, sketchbook in hand. He found himself smiling, her state of distraction allowing him to look over her features without being weird. He admired her, her body, her art, and with his eyes- he admired every bit of her every time they met up.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have the guts to ask her out quite yet. Roman was known for peeling the face free from whomever it was that wronged him. Or just lose his temper so bad they had to do it in the end. He wouldn’t be able to take it if Y/n rejected him, so he couldn’t take the chance.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t just demand it of her, it was because he didn’t want to. He always got everything he wanted. Y/n was a bit shy, and was frequently confused by his flirting. Maybe, for once, Roman could get something on his own? It didn’t matter what anyone else thought, Roman was determined.

“Hello, darling.”

Her head shot up, her eyes were the size of saucers. “Hello! I’m sorry if I’m in the way.”

“Don’t fear, dearest, you’re nowhere near in the way. Come, I hate to prevent you from eating any longer.” He walked over to the door and held it open for her, smiling genuinely as she walked past him into the building.

Roman spoke to the waiter, asking for a seat in the spot Y/n liked most, wanting to make her happy. The waiter led them to their seats and handed them menus. “What will you be having, my dear?”

“Uhm... probably the f/f, please.” She smiled shyly and looked down, returning to her sketchbook while she waited for Roman to order.

“So, Y/n, any new projects for me?”

“Actually, yes! I was thinking, perhaps a portrait of you and Mr. Zsasz? Or maybe a new sculpture? You said last time that you wanted more, but you didn’t specify what you wanted more of, so I drew whatever came to my mind.”

She flipped her sketchbook around and let him look through it, nibbling on her lip with anticipation. Roman took his time on each page, not even bothering to hide the smile that grew on his lips. Once he had finished looking through it, he handed it back to her.

“Shit, those are nice!” Y/n thanked him and went back to her sketchbook. An idea popped into his head after the silence took over. “Y/n?”

“Yes?”

“May I ask, are you seeing someone?”

She blushed and looked away, “No.”

“No? Why would a beautiful woman like you be all alone?” He chuckled for a second, “Then again, no one deserves your beauty and talent.”

“Mr. Sionis-”

“Please, call me Roman.”

“Roman, I don’t understand.”

He folded his hands an reclined in his seat. “Don’t understand what?”

Before she could answer, the food was delivered. Roman almost snapped at the waiter for interrupting Y/n, but remembered the exact reason that he Victor chose the place. He wanted to prevent Y/n from seeing the side of him he thought she was most likely to fear, and his emotions were no exception. It took everything, literally everything, in him not to yell. But Y/n was worth it.

“This is good...” Y/n mumbled after a bit. Their food was almost finished and Roman had yet to talk to her about his feelings. “So...what other projects would you like me to work on?”

“Why would I need you to work on anything when there’s already a work of art right in front of me?”

She looked around, still oblivious to his advances. “I guess. This places has some cool works... I should ask who their artist is, maybe I could get some advice from them, ya know?”

Roman sighed. He didn’t understand why she wasn’t getting his hints. They were becoming more and more obvious too. “Sure. Uh, Y/n, have I ever told you how extraordinary you are?”

“Every time, Mr-” she corrected herself before she could say his last name, “Roman. I just don’t know why you do.”

“Because it’s true. Just like when I say how beautiful you are. I’m an honest man, Y/n.”

“I- I never said you weren’t- my apologies, Roman.”

He frowned. “Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for, it’s me actually. I can see now that you aren’t interested, yet I keep fucking pushing it. I’m sorry, Y/n.”

She stopped, completely caught off guard by his sentence. “Excuse me?” Her tone probably came of the wrong way, as Roman looked hurt. “No! I mean, no, I didn’t mean it that way...”

The waiter came by to give them a check, then took it back after Roman filled everything out with visible annoyance towards the interruption. The boy turned and left as quickly as he cold.

“Well what way did you mean it then?” He could feel his patience growing thinner, with himself and Y/n.

“I was just curious- you said that I’m not interested? Interested in what?”

Relief. Maybe he did have a chance after all. “I’ve been flirting, Y/n. You don’t react the way I thought you would, so, after a while, I thought you weren’t interested.”

“What?”

“Flirting? The thing you do when you’re romantically interested in someone?”

She rolled her eyes with a small smirk, “I know what flirting is. I’m just... confused. Why you... would flirt... with me.”

“Who wouldn’t flirt with you? You’re fucking breathtaking!” Roman spoke as if her not knowing her own beauty was a personal offense to him. And honestly, he felt it was. “Here, how about this, you let me take you on an actual date, no art, no business, just romance?”

Y/n averted her gaze to think. There were pros and cons to being with Roman Sionis, one major con was the rumors of things he did. Would she want to get involved with that kind of life? Would he force her to get involved?

Then again, Roman was kind to her, saw past her exterior and into her heart. There isn’t that many kind of people in Gotham, especially as many as handsome as Roman.

‘If anything bad happens, I still had my rights of backing out,’ she told herself.

“Y/n?”

“Alright. It’s a date...” He helped her pack up her art supplies, and held the door for her as they exited the restaurant. “But Roman?”

“Yes?”

“Why, exactly, are you asking me out?” It still bothered her. Was he using her as a dare? Was he just using her for her work? He was Roman fucking Sionis, he could do anything he wanted, yet he could use her without her even knowing it.

His smile dropped and his brows raised. “Why?” Roman chuckled loudly. Y/n was thankful they were outside and not in the crowded place anymore. “Look at you! You’re talented, kind, smart, funny! All of you is gorgeous! I’ve been dying to ask you out for a while!”

“You have?”

“Well... yes. Wasn’t it obvious? The consistent flirting and offers?”

Although Y/n hid the blush on her face by looking down, Roman cupped her cheek softly and tilted her head upwards to look at him. They held eye contact for what felt like forever, their orbs were studying each other so intensely, before he finally leaned in and touched his lips to hers.

Y/n was taken aback with shock, but quickly recollected herself and wrapped her arms around his neck. When they separated, Y/n giggled shyly, the blush on her face had spread.

“Don’t hide..you’re beautiful, angel. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, at 7, deal?”

She nodded eagerly. “Deal.”

[lifeofkaze]

An Art of Balance #9

Orion Amari x MC

 A/N: I swear @kc-needs-coffee I’m almost done borrowing KC, I just enjoy her so much xD

Warning: use of alcohol

 Word Count: ~ 2.600

______________________________________________________________ 

Chapter 9: A Knight in Shining Armour

Tired and beaten down, the Hufflepuff team trudged back towards the castle. It hadn’t taken the Ravenclaw seeker much longer to capture the Golden Snitch after KC’s Bludger had hit Lizzie. None of them was in the mood for much talking. Losing this match was a heavy blow to them.  

When they neared their Common Room, they could already make out the loud music and sound of chatter behind the narrow passage leading up to the entrance. Upon entering, they found themselves in the middle of a full-fledged post-match party taking place inside the round room. Their peers had set it up while they had been trying to wash off the pain of the loss. To the people of their House it didn’t matter if their team won or lost. They always found a reason to celebrate anyway.

Before long, Lizzie found herself chatting away with Penny and Tonks. The butterbeer in her hand spread a comfortable warmth from her stomach into the rest of her body, numbing the pain still throbbing inside her bruised shoulder.

Her foot was lightly tapping to the rhythm of the music that was blasting out of the enchanted speakers Face Paint Kid had mounted above the huge fireplace. They obscured the huge portrait of Helga Hufflepuff, who had retreated to a picture of her friend Rowena Ravenclaw near the Astronomy Tower. She couldn’t stand this ‘modern nonsense people called music nowadays’.

Lizzie had just downed the rest of her drink, when Penny nudged her and nodded inconspicuously towards one of the ledges that were protruding from the walls of the Common Room.

Skye was seated there all on her own, as had been her habit for the last weeks. She was nursing an empty mug in her hands and seemed to be brooding on something, deeply lost in thought.

“Someone should go talk to her,” Penny proposed softly. Lizzie contemplated passing on the task, but eventually her conscience got the better of her. She lifted her glass towards Penny and Tonks.

“I was going to get a refill anyway.”

She left her friends standing and made her way through the thick crowd towards the refreshment table, grabbing two fresh butterbeers before heading over to where Skye was sitting. She noticed people were giving the gloomy looking girl a wide berth and braced herself for being snapped at. But when Lizzie sat down next to her, she just accepted the drink Lizzie offered with a thankful smile.

The two of them were as used to fighting with each other as they were to making up again. There was no needs for many words or apologies. Lizzie held her mug out to Skye in a silent offer of reconciliation and Skye simply clanked hers against it before both took a deep swallow of the sweet liquid inside.

“Seems like Orion was right after all.”

Lizzie wasn’t looking at Skye as she spoke, rather staring at the bubbles rising up from the bottom of her glass. She was slowly swivelling it, watching the light from the fireplace illuminate the golden drink.

“This stupid quarrel likely cost us the match today. We can’t win if we don’t work together. It made getting our hands on the Cup just that more difficult.”

Skye chuckled wryly. “I’m always in for a challenge. How about you?”

Lizzie grinned back at her. “You know me.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a while before Skye spoke up again. “Just wish I could have shown Rath the ropes. We’ve lost more times to Ravenclaw than I care to admit.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Lizzie sighed. “At least, KC and I can now talk to each other again like the civilised human beings we are.”  

Skye snorted. “Your choice of friends has always been questionable.” She was acting up this time, Lizzie could hear the teasing in her voice.

“That’s why I’m friends with you, I guess,” she shot back.

Both of them started giggling, all the tension that had built between them over the last weeks suddenly dissolving into fits of laughter. They were drawing wondrous glances from their peers.        

Calming down, Skye’s face suddenly grew serious again. “Sorry for what happened today. Shouldn’t have said all those things to Orion. Or you. Not a good move from me.”

“You should tell him that, not me.” Lizzie gave her a sideways glance. “I was a bit harsh to you as well. Sorry about that.”

Skye raised her mug. “Forgiven and forgotten. Glad we could solve this mess.”

Lizzie leaned closer to her. “Speaking of solving the mess…” She motioned to where Penny was standing with Tonks, watching them through the crowd. “You should go talk to her. You can’t hide from Penny forever; I’m sure you will find a way to work things out.”

Skye had suddenly gone pale, a pained expression showing on her face. “I don’t know, Jameson, you sure about this?”

Lizzie just shoved her off the ledge for an answer. Shooting another uncertain glance over her shoulder, Skye made her way towards Penny. With a relieved sigh, Lizzie leaned back against the cold stone wall, propping one foot up on the ledge before taking another sip. Finally things were starting to get normal again.

Her sitting alone didn’t go unnoticed, however. Within minutes she could spot Everett breaking from the crowd and heading towards her, fresh mugs of butterbeer in hand. Lizzie groaned inwardly. She wasn’t particularly keen on getting into a conversation with him. She didn’t mind her new teammate during practise, but Lizzie had started feeling uncomfortable with the way he had been looking at her recently.

Gulping down the remains of her drink, Lizzie tried to get up as fast as she could. But before she had a chance to escape into the mass of students, Everett had reached her and slid down onto the ledge next to her. He sat a little bit too close for Lizzie’s liking.

“What are you doing, sitting around as lonely? Fancy a drink?” He held the mug up for her to take.

Lizzie couldn’t think of a valid reason to refuse and gave in to her lot. “Sure, why not. Thanks.”

She awkwardly accepted the butterbeer, not quite knowing how to start a conversation with him. Her not being overly keen on it didn’t help either.

“You played well today,” she tried treading on safe ground. Nothing wrong with a little Quidditch talk.

“Not as good as you, though. You were fantastic!”

“Hmm,” Lizzie hummed in response. That was a flat out lie. Today had been one of the worst matches she had ever played. She had performed just as poorly as Skye and Orion had done, perhaps even worse.

Everett didn’t seem to sense her disagreement, however. “You were almost as good back when you played Beater. Crazy good aim. I could use a bit of improvement in that area.” He smiled mischievously at her. The uncomfortable feeling in Lizzie’s stomach increased.

“Maybe you could show me how, some time? So I can better protect you.”

Of course Lizzie knew he was referring to Quidditch, but somehow the way he was stressing ‘protect’, combined with her general discomfort around him, rubbed her the wrong way.

She bristled at him. “I don’t need any protection, let alone yours, thank you very much. I can perfectly handle myself,” she snapped indignantly.

Laughing, he raised his hands in defence. “Relax, kitty cat, no need to get all angry. Doesn’t suit your pretty face.”

“You want to be a better Beater? Here’s my tip for you: more practising, less flirting.” She set her drink down with a clank and got up. She had enough of his attitude for the evening.

But before she could make off, Everett had grabbed her wrist and pulled her down next to him again. Lizzie raised her eyebrows, her face anything but friendly.

Feeling the need to change tune with her, Everett ran his hand through his dark hair. “I’m sorry, don’t run away just yet,” he smiled apologetically.

Lizzie was still on edge, but her posture gradually softened again. She noticed he had pulled her down even closer to him than she had been before.

With a wink, Everett reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a silver flask. The light of the fire place was reflected in it as he was brandishing it in front of her face. “What do you say? Let’s have a drink on peace?”

Her eyes followed the blinking flask as he poured a shot into his mug. Lizzie wasn’t one to object to a little extra punch when it came to her drinks but she really wasn’t interested in talking to Everett anymore, let alone drinking with him.

She shook her head. “No, I’ll pass. I’ve had plenty already. I don’t want to end up doing anything stupid,” she added lightly.

Everett’s smile grew wicked. “Like this for example?”

He quickly leaned forward, putting his hand against the stone wall next to her face, effectively blocking her means of escape. To her horror, he started leaning in to kiss her. It was all she could do to duck under his arm supporting his weight to get away. Coming so close to him, a familiar scent reached her nose, fresh and spicy at the same time. It made her hesitate for a split second.

She knew the scent, but it thoroughly confused her to smell it on him of all people. It reminded her of the component of the Amortentia she had had problems placing.

Using her hesitation to his advantage, Everett got up as well, grabbing her arm before she could dart away. Anger flashing in her eyes, Lizzie tried to yank herself free.

“Is there a problem?”

Orion had suddenly appeared next to them. He looked calm and collected as ever, but his posture was tense, the tone in his voice firm. Lizzie sent a quick prayer to the heavens for sending him along just now.

Everett didn’t seem as happy. “Nothing to see here, Amari,” he snarled, but his territorial demeanour didn’t so much as make Orion flinch.

“That is fortunate, because I am aware that McNully’s Kneazle is up in our dormitory, chewing away on your Transfiguration essay. I believe, it is due on Monday?”

The aggressiveness visibly drained out of Everett as he turned pale. “It took me three weeks to finish that assignment! I’m going to make a hat out of this fleabag!” He raced towards the round door at the far end of the Common Room and vanished behind it.

Lizzie’s brown furrowed in concern. “He’s not going to do anything to Kneil, is he?”

“Don’t worry, Kneil is somewhere in the castle, probably hunting his dinner,” Orion smirked in response. “To be honest, McNully saw Everett hitting on you and sent me to your rescue.”

“How gallant,” Lizzie giggled.

Orion wasn’t even trying to hide his grin. Instead, he nodded towards her arm. “How is your shoulder feeling?”

Lizzie shrugged it off with a laugh. “Better than Everett’s ego, I image.”

Her eyes followed the path he had taken through the crowd. “I wonder what’s been going on lately; Everyone seems to be out of their minds,” she mused.

Including her, apparently. She could still smell the lovely scent lingering in the air, just as strongly as it had been before. She fought the urge to inhale deeply.

Orion laughed lowly. “That’s how it goes. I remember my fifth year vividly. Between O.W.L.s and people getting interested in dating each other, it was… “ A mysterious smile played about his lips for a moment, amusement sparking in his eyes. “Let’s say it was a singular experience.”

Lizzie remembered what Rowan had told her about Orion having a history when it came to dating. She felt self-conscious invading his privacy like that, but her curiosity and the fair share of butterbeer she’d drunk by now got the better of her.

“So, did you get to do some?” she asked in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone.

Orion took a sip from his drink. “Did I get to do what?”

Lizzie felt herself blush, glad the light emanating from the roaring fire hid the changing colour of her face. “Dating, I mean. Did you get to go on some?”

One corner of Orion’s mouth quirked up, the mischievous sparkle in his dark eyes intensifying. His lopsided smirk gave him a totally different presence than what Lizzie was used to seeing on him. Despite herself, she found herself staring at his oddly compelling smile, quickly shaking out of it as soon as she realised.

“A bit here and there.”

He knew his ominous answer only intensified Lizzie’s curiosity. So before she could ask, he added “Nothing serious, mind you. No real commitment from both sides.”

Not satisfied at all by this vague answer, Lizzie blinked at him, now even more curious than before. It felt completely out of place discussing this topic with her Quidditch captain, but she just couldn’t resist.

“You never mentioned seeing anyone. Why did you never tell us about any of them, or bring them to one of our matches?”

He slightly shook his head, his face changing to a more thoughtful expression. “Nothing worthwhile ever came of it. And I don’t know whether I would’ve been able to balance both things at the same time. Being the team captain and just me.”

Somehow, Lizzie was not entirely sure they were still talking about the same thing they had in the beginning of their conversation. She had noticed the tinge of frustration creeping into Orion’s voice, however.

Before she could reply though, a hand snaked around her waist and Rowan appeared at her side. Lizzie let out a small gasp of pain as she rested her head on Lizzie’s injured shoulder, a girlish giggle escaping her mouth.

Although Rowan didn’t exactly dismiss alcoholic drinks as a whole, Lizzie knew her to be rather restrained when it came to drinking at parties, especially since she had been appointed prefect. It made seeing Rowan as drunk as she obviously was even stranger.

“Lizzie, there you are! I have been looking for you all over the place,” she shouted into Lizzie’s ear a lot louder than she had to. Lizzie tilted her head away from her to protect her eardrums from bursting.

“Skye has been looking for you, you should go find her,” Rowan explained, her voice slurry. She tried to talk matter-of-factly but the slight swaying as she stopped leaning on Lizzie for support vastly undermined her effort to appear sober.

Scanning the crowd, Lizzie could see Skye joking around with Tonks and Penny. Apparently, they had been able to calm the waves. It did not appear to her as if Skye was searching for anyone though, let alone her.

She started telling Rowan, but was silenced by the pointed look her friend gave her. Her eyes flickered to Orion for a moment, who was watching them patiently. The penny finally dropped on her.

“I’d better go and see what she wants then.” She winked at Orion, her hand resting on his arm for a moment. ”Thanks for being my knight in shining armour.”

She left the two of them standing, while she made her way towards her friends, the spicy scent that had shaken her earlier still hanging in the air.

[arcticdementor]

I love NYC. When I first moved to NYC it was a dream come true. Every corner was like a theater production happening right in front of me. So much personality, so many stories.

Every subculture I loved was in NYC. I could play chess all day and night. I could go to comedy clubs. I could start any type of business. I could meet people. I had family, friends, opportunities. No matter what happened to me, NYC was a net I could fall back on and bounce back up.

Now it's completely dead. "But NYC always always bounces back." No. Not this time. "But NYC is the center of the financial universe. Opportunities will flourish here again." Not this time.

"NYC has experienced worse". No it hasn't.

…

Three of the most important reasons to move to NYC:

- business opportunities

- culture

- food

…

Midtown Manhattan, the center of business in NYC, is empty. Even though people can go back to work, famous office buildings like the Time Life skyscraper is still 90% empty. Businesses realized that they don't need their employees at the office.

In fact, they realize they are even more productive without everyone back to the office. The Time Life building can handle 8,000 workers. Now it maybe has 500 workers back.

…

"What do you mean?" a friend of mine said to me when I told him 'Midtown should be called 'Ghost Town', "I'm in my office right now!"

"What are you doing there?"

"Packing up," he said and laughed, "I'm shutting it down." He works in the entertainment business.

Another friend of mine works at a major investment bank as a managing director. Before the pandemic he was at the office every day, sometimes working from 6am to 10pm.

Now he lives in Phoenix, Arizona. "As of June," he told me, "I had never even been to Phoenix." And then he moved there. He does all his meetings on Zoom.

I was talking to a book editor who has been out of the city since early March. "We've been all working fine. I'm not sure why we would need to go back to the office."

One friend of mine, Derek Halpern, was convinced he'd stay. He put up a Facebook post the other day saying he might be changing his mind.

…

People say, "NYC has been through worse" or "NYC has always come back."

No and no.

First, when has NYC been through worse?

Even in the 1970s, and through the 80s, when NYC was going bankrupt, and even when it was the crime capital of the US or close to it, it was still the capital of the business world (meaning: it was the primary place young people would go to build wealth and find opportunity), it was culturally on top of its game - home to artists, theater, media, advertising, publishing, and it was probably the food capital of the US.

…

In early March, many people (not me), left NYC when they felt it would provide safety from the virus and they no longer needed to go to work and all the restaurants were closed. People figured, "I'll get out for a month or two and then come back."

They are all still gone.

And then in June, during rioting and looting a second wave of NYC-ers (this time me) left. I have kids. Nothing was wrong with the protests but I was a little nervous when I saw videos of rioters after curfew trying to break into my building.

…

…

Summary: Businesses are remote and they aren't returning to the office. And it's a death spiral: the longer offices remain empty, the longer they will remain empty.

In 2005, a hedge fund manager was visiting my office and said, "In Manhattan you practically trip over opportunities in the street."

Now the streets are empty.

…

I co-own a comedy club, Standup NY, on 78th and Broadway. I'm very very proud of the club and grateful to my fellow owners Dani Zoldan and Gabe Waldman and our manager Jon Boreamayo. It's a great club. It's been around since 1986 and before that it was a theater.

One time, Henry Winkler stopped by to come on my podcast. He was the one who told me it had been a theater.

He said, "I grew up two doors down from here and used to perform in here as a kid. Then I went out to LA to be the Fonz and now I'm back here, full circle, to be on your podcast. This place has history." Things like that happen in NYC.

…

I love the club. Before the pandemic I would perform there throughout the week in addition to many other clubs around the city and in the past few months, clubs in: Chicago, Denver, San Jose, LA, Cincinnati, all over the Netherlands, and other places.

I miss it.

…

That said, we have no idea when we will open. Nobody has any idea. And the longer we close, the less chance we will ever reopen profitably.

Broadway is closed until at least the Spring. Lincoln Center is closed. All the museums are closed.

Forget about the tens of thousands of jobs lost in these cultural centers. Forget even about the millions of dollars of tourist and tourist-generated revenues lost by the closing of these centers.

There are thousands of performers, producers, artists, and the entire ecosystem of art, theater, production, curation, that surrounds these cultural centers. People who have worked all of their lives for the right to be able to perform even once on Broadway whose lives and careers have been put on hold.

I get it. There was a pandemic.

But the question now is: what happens next? And, given the uncertainty (since there is no known answer), and given the fact that people, cities, economies, loathe uncertainty, we simply don't know the answer and that's a bad thing for New York City.

…

My favorite restaurant is closed for good. Ok, let's go to my second favorite. Closed for good. Third favorite, closed for good.

I thought the PPP was supposed to help. No? What about emergency relief? No. Stimulus checks? Unemployment? No and no. Ok, my fourth favorite, or what about that place I always ordered delivery from? No and no.

Around Late May I took walks and saw that many places were boarded up. Ok, I thought, because the protesting was leading to looting and the restaurants were protecting themselves. They'll be ok.

Looking closer I'd see the signs. For Lease. For Rent. For whatever.

Before the pandemic, the average restaurant had only 16 days of cash on hand. Some had more (McDonalds), and some had less (the local mom-and-pop Greek diner).

Yelp estimates that 60% of restaurants around the United States have closed.

My guess is more than 60% will be closed in New York City but who knows.

Someone said to me, "Well, people will want to come in now and start their own restaurants! There is less competition."

I don't think you understand how restaurants work.

…

If the restaurants are no longer clustered, fewer people go out to eat (they are on the fence about where so they elect to stay home). Restaurants breed more restaurants.

And again, what happens to all the employees who work at these restaurants? They are gone. They left New York City. Where did they go? I know a lot of people who went to Maine, Vermont, Tennessee, upstate, Indiana, etc - back to live with their parents or live with friends or live cheaper. They are gone and gone for good.

And what person wakes up today and says, "I can't wait to set up a pizza place in the location where 100,000 other pizza places just closed down." People are going to wait awhile and see. They want to make sure the virus is gone, or there's a vaccine, or there's a profitable business model.

Or...even worse.

…

If building owners and landlords lose their prime tenants (the store fronts on the bottom floor, the offices on the middle floors, the well-to-do on the top floors, etc) then they go out of business.

And what happens when they go out of business?

Nothing actually. And that's the bad news.

People who would have rented or bought say, "Hmmm, everyone is saying NYC is heading back to the 1970s, so even though prices might be 50% lower than they were a year ago, I think I will wait a bit more. Better safe than sorry!"

And then with everyone waiting... prices go down. So people see prices go down and they say, "Good thing I waited. But what happens if I wait even more!" And they wait and then prices go down more.

This is called a deflationary spiral. People wait. Prices go down. Nobody really wins. Because the landlords or owners go broke. Less money gets spent on the city. Nobody moves in so there is no motion in the markets. And people already owning in the area and can afford to hang on, have to wait longer for a return of restaurants, services, etc that they were used to.

Well, will prices go down low enough everyone buys?

Answer: Maybe. Maybe not. Some people can afford to hang on but not afford to sell. So they wait. Other people will go bankrupt and there will be litigation, which creates other problems for real estate in the area. And the big borrowers and lenders may need a bailout of some sort or face mass bankruptcy. Who knows what will happen?

…

I lived three blocks from Ground Zero on 9/11. Downtown, where I lived, was destroyed, but it came roaring back within two years. Such sadness and hardship and then quickly that area became the most attractive area in New York.

And in 2008/2009, much suffering during the Great Recession, again much hardship, but things came roaring back.

But...this time it's different. You're never supposed to say that but this time it's true. If you believe this time is no different, that NYC is resilient, etc I hope you're right.

I don't benefit from saying any of this. I love NYC. I was born there. I've lived there forever. I STILL live there. I love everything about NYC. I want 2019 back.

But this time it's different.

One reason: bandwidth.

In 2008, average bandwidth speeds were 3 megabits per second. That's not enough for a Zoom meeting with reliable video quality. Now, it's over 20 megabits per second. That's more than enough for high quality video.

There's a before and after. BEFORE: no remote work. AFTER: everyone can remote work.

…

Everyone has spent the past five months adapting to a new lifestyle. Nobody wants to fly across the country for a two hour meeting when you can do it just as well on Zoom. I can go see "live comedy" on Zoom. I can take classes from the best teachers in the world for almost free online as opposed to paying $70,000 a year for a limited number of teachers who may or may not be good.

Everyone has choices now. You can live in the music capital of Nashville, you can live in the "next Silicon Valley" of Austin. You can live in your hometown in the middle of wherever. And you can be just as productive, make the same salary, have higher quality of life with a cheaper cost to live.

…

Wait for events and conferences and even meetings and maybe even office spaces to start happening in virtual realities once everyone is spread out from midtown Manhattan to all over the country.

The quality of restaurants will start to go up in all the second and then third tier cities as talent and skill flow to the places that can quickly make use of them.

Ditto for cultural events.

And then people will ask, "wait a second - I was paying over 16% in state and city taxes and these other states and cities have little to no taxes? And I don't have to deal with all the other headaches of NYC?"

Because there are headaches in NYC. Lots of them. It's just we sweep them under the table because so much else has been good there.

NYC has a $9 billion deficit. A billion more than the Mayor thought they were going to have. How does a city pay back its debts? The main way is aid from the state. But the state deficit just went bonkers. Then is taxes. But if 900,000 estimated jobs are lost in NYC and tens of thousands of businesses, then that means less taxes unless taxes are raised.

…

What reason will people have to go back to NYC? 

[delicatelyherdreams]

Pragma(tic) 10: She Sees the World in a New Light

Pairing: Persephone!Bucky Barnes x Hades!Reader

Summary: In a world where the old gods never truly died, you must learn to navigate your way through the ups and downs of immortality. And if living forever wasn’t hard enough, an ancient evil is now threatening to break free after centuries of silence. And as if that still wasn’t hard enough for you, now a pesky and infuriatingly handsome god is trying to wedge his way into your life. Gods, work, love, and conflict—what more could a goddess need? [Hades & Persephone AU]

Word Count: 4272

Warnings: Language

Pragma(tic) Masterlist

Previous 9: The Past Comes Back to Haunt Her

It’d been years since you’d actually gone out into the Mortal World and stayed for any amount of time. You used to make trips daily to reap your own souls before Pierce came to work for you and Clint agreed to help you out. But that was during the time of the Ancient Greeks and Romans; way before any of the modern technology came out.

Back then, people went to sleep right as the sun went down. They were quiet, reserved, timid, and shy. You were free to roam the streets of the villages, hardly a soul to join you. You’d enjoyed the silence of the Mortal World.

But now?

You couldn’t believe how much the world had changed.

The city was set ablaze with neon lights and lamps. You could hardly tell that it was nighttime anymore. People bustled around, talking to each other, talking on their phones, or not talking at all. Some walked with friends, others alone, but all were awake and lively. The colors from the street lights and glowing signs bounced off their skin, turning them different shades and making them ethereal and strange. You hadn’t seen anything like it in a long time.

Sure, Olympus had mimicked these mortal cities, but there was something unique about the Mortal World that Olympus simply didn’t have. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but it was beautiful and comforting and it made you happy.

The atmosphere was warm despite the piles of snow on the ground. White fairy lights were strung from lamppost to lamppost. People talked with animated gestures, a smile on everyone's face.

Sipping on your frappuccino, your eyes traveled from person to person, taking in their clothes, their hair, their facial expressions, everything. You were able to gauge what kind of a person they were within moments and garner a bit of insight into their life by mentally scrolling through the registry of souls and taking a peek at their file (that was the good thing about being the Queen of the Underworld—because every single soul was technically your subject, you were able to access every bit of their information).

A hand squeezing yours drew your attention away from the people, and you turned your eyes to the man beside you.

Bucky smiled down at you, his eyes sparkling in the dim light. “You enjoying yourself?”

Pulling your lips away from the rim of your drink, you nodded and smiled up at him. “I haven’t had a night like this in forever. I think I was in my early five hundreds the last time I got to roam the Mortal World. It’s changed so much.”

“It has, hasn’t it?” Bucky took a sip of his latte and looked forward. “I’ve been coming here for decades, and every time I come, I find it astonishing.”

“Here? As in New York?”

“Heh, yeah.” He paused as he slowed to a stop at the corner of the sidewalk, a red stop hand commanding pedestrians to halt. “Steve and I love coming to Brooklyn. We practically grew up here. My mom spent a lot of time here before it got built on, tending crops and stuff. She moved away when the city sprang up, but I still love it here.” A happy sigh escaped his mouth. “It’s a beautiful city. I love coming here, especially in the winter.”

“Do you come here often?”

“At least once a week or so. I’m considered a regular at some shops.”

The stop hand turned into a walking man and you and Bucky followed the crowd across the sidewalk. Your voice quieted as you asked, “Isn’t that dangerous though? Won’t the mortals realize you never age and get suspicious?”

He shrugged. “Some might, but they hardly pay attention enough to realize that I still look the same as I did years ago. And the ones that call me out on it, well they deserve to know the truth.”

Your eyes bulged out of your head. “You told them?”

He laughed. “Relax, (y/n). I don’t tell everyone, only some. I think I’ve maybe told five people the truth in my 1,385 years of existence, and most of them are elderly at that. In fact, you’ll be meeting one of them tonight.” His grin was sly as he tugged you across the street by the hand. “He runs a pastry shop I’ve been dying to take you to. His cinnamon rolls are the absolute best.”

You followed Bucky down the street, eyeing the path ahead warily. “So, he knows about you and what you… are?”

“Yeah. I told him a few years ago when he called me out on not aging.”

“So then he knows you’re the real ‘Persephone,’ as the mortals call you?”

He breathed a laugh. “Yes, he does. And the first words out his mouth were, ‘I knew you were a flower child,’ and the second ones were, ‘Wait, you’re not a lady.’ Gods, it was mortifying to try to explain to him that the myths were wrong and that I was, indeed, not a woman despite the feminine name given to me by the mortals.”

“So am I to assume that he knows about me too?”

Tilting his head from side to side, he pursed his lips in thought. “I think he probably knows you exist, but I’ve never had reason to tell him about Hades, the goddess of the Underworld. I didn’t think it was important or necessary until I befriended you. But I’ll introduce you tonight. He’s a cool guy, and I think you’ll like him.”

Gods, you hoped you would; but you hoped he’d like you more. Mortals were not very hospitable to the gods that resided in the Underworld and dealt with death. They were afraid of you and that made them abrasive, hostile even. The last time you told a mortal you were Hades, she blanched with fear and ordered you (the best she could with her trembling voice) out of her house.

Bucky led you through the city, down another block or two, and stopped outside an old fashioned pastry shop. The red and white awning had faded to a salmon above the store, but the gold lettering that read “Pop’s Pastries” on the window was still crisp and neat as if it had been painted on yesterday. Bright lights illuminated the shop from the inside, casting a glow over the endless display cases of pastries and cakes as well as an elderly man sitting behind the counter on a stool with a book in his hand and reading glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose.

“Come on,” he said, tugging you in by the hand. A little bell over the door jingled as Bucky pushed the door open and passed through the threshold.

The old man behind the counter looked up, his green eyes sparkling with amusement. “Well well well. Look who it is.” He fit a bookmark in between the pages of his novel and set it down so he could give his undivided attention to the pair of you. “If it isn’t my favorite celestial being. And who is this you’ve brought with you, Persephone?”

Bucky chuckled. “It’s Bucky, not Persephone, Arthur. We’ve been over this.”

“I know, but I don’t care.” Arthur’s eyes glistened with amusement. “Now answer my question: who’s the pretty lady. A goddess perhaps? She’s pretty enough for it.”

You giggled and shook your head. “I don’t know about pretty, but yes, I am a goddess.”

“Ah-ha! I knew it! Now, which one are you? No no, wait, let me guess.” He leaned back in his chair and eyed you, scrutinizing your entire figure. “You’re… Aphrodite.”

The laugh that tore through your threat was louder than you had intended and you quickly slapped your hand over your mouth. “Oh gods. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. But no, I am not Aphrodite. That name belongs to the lovely Pepper.”

“Artemis then.”

“Nope. That’s Wanda.”

He hesitated. “Hera?”

Your lips curled up in a grimace. “No, that’s my sister’s wife Maria.”

“Your sister’s wife… You mean your sister is Zeus?”

“Carol, actually. But yes, the mortals call her Zeus.”

“So then, if your sister is Zeus, then you’re…” You could see the gears turning in his head.

You smirked. “You’ve got a fifty-fifty shot at this, mister. If you get it wrong, you’ll hurt my feelings.”

“Alright… My guess is…” He sprinted and turned his gaze up to the ceiling. “Oh, lord; you’re wearing black. You are… Hades?”

A smile took over your lips. “Ding ding ding. We have a winner.” Bowing to him with an ounce of flounce, you said, “Allow me to introduce myself. I am (y/n) Aidoneus, the unseen one, eldest daughter of the titans Kronos and Rhea, goddess of the dead and wealth, and Queen of the Underworld, at your service.”

Arthur whistled in appreciation. “Those are some pretty impressive titles, your majesty. I am honored to be in the presence of one of the big three. Just, one question.”

“Shoot.”

“Why you hanging around with a minor god like Bucky here?”

“You know, I’ve been asking myself that for weeks.”

“Hey!” Bucky narrowed his eyes. “You love me and you know it.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that, Springy.”

Arthur snickered, his voice ringing out through the otherwise empty shop. “Oh, to be young and in love. I swear you two act like an old married couple already.”

Your head snapped towards him and you lost even more color if that was even possible. “In what? No no. We’re not… I mean… No. We’re not a thing.”

“Oh, my mistake your highness,” Arthur said. “I only assumed that you were together cause Buck here has never brought anyone here unless they were special to him.”

“We’re just friends, Art,” Bucky said, holding up his hands. “Nothing more, nothing less. Believe me, I just barely got to be friends with her; she almost had my head the first couple times I broke in and she only just gave me the keys to the kingdom.”

“Ah, that is right. You were a little trespasser up until a few months ago, right?”

“Mhmm. He was.” You shot Bucky a glare. “However, I have learned to tolerate his presence in my kingdom. There are still places he’s not allowed to go, but he can come into my house so long as he has my permission first. Now.” You rolled your shoulders back and sauntered over to the display cases of baked goods. “Bucky tells me you have the best cinnamon rolls in the world and I’m curious to see if he’s right.”

Arthur popped off his stool and walked behind the cases, pulling a small plate out of seemingly nowhere. “I sure do. It’s an old family recipe, dating back to when the first cinnamon rolls were created in Sweden. I sell nothing but the best here.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

Arthur pulled two cinnamon rolls from behind the case and set them on two small plates that were just the size for the pastries.

Mumbling your thanks, you took your plate over to one of the tables that stood in the vacant shop. You took your seat elegantly, sitting up straight with the posture that only royalty seemed to have. Ever so carefully, so as to not dirty your hands, you wrapped your fingers around the roll and lifted it up to your lips. As soon as the sugary icing touched your tongue, you were hooked. “Oh my gods, this is amazing!”

Arthur bowed his head. “Thank you, milady. I’m glad that they have your seal of approval.” He moved back over to his spot and plucked his book from the counter. “Well, I’ll leave you two youngins to it.  I’ll be in the back reading. Holler if you need anything.”

“Will do. Thanks, Arthur!” Bucky sat down at the table across from you and smirked. “So what did I tell you? Best cinnamon rolls in the world, am I right?”

You bobbed your head as you chewed. “Yeah, yeah. I guess you’re right.” As you swallowed your bite, you dragged the back of your hand across your face to wipe away the crumbs that had undoubtedly made their home in the corners of your mouth. Smiling down at your roll, you couldn’t help but feel satisfied with your current situation, though a bit saddened. This place—as quaint and lovely as it was—felt like one you should be sharing with a lover. Naturally, the only lover you’ve ever had fell into your mind. You could just barely imagine the naiad sitting in the chair across from you, his brown eyes sparkling as you covered his nose with frosting. It would be the perfect date. You would’ve loved to have brought him here. A mellow sigh left your lips and you murmured, “Gods… Brock would love this.”

“Who’s Brock?”

You blinked. Holy fuck, had you really said that out loud? Welp, shit. Time to roll with this. You gulped. “He’s my… Uh...”

“Boyfriend?” Bucky’s voice was timid, cautious, perhaps a bit scared. He spoke the word like it was bitter on his tongue.

You breathed a laugh. “No. I don’t know what he is to me.” Your lips formed a thin line as you averted your gaze.

His brows furrowed. “How do you mean? How can you not know?”

“Well, our relationship… It’s complicated, you know? Like, we obviously have some sort of feelings for each other. He’s been there for me for centuries and he’s loved me for that long too. But it… It doesn’t feel like love exactly. I don’t know what it is.”

Bucky’s lips pursed, but he let you speak.

And you spoke. You told him about how Brock was the only one who treated you like a queen and goddess in the beginning, going so far as to pledge his undying fidelity to you and vow to serve you with his life. You hesitated as you started to get into your relationship with him, talking about the late nights you spent together with only the vaguest detail. You didn’t know why, but it felt wrong talking about it in front of Bucky, and you were almost ashamed of it. No, scratch that, you were ashamed of it. You felt like it was almost betraying him to admit what you and Brock had done in the dark. But, swallowing the lump in your throat, you continued with your pathetic tale, telling him about how in recent centuries, Brock hardly ever came around anymore unless it was to satisfy his own desires. He never stayed for the morning after or to actually talk to you anymore and it left you confused and hurt.

Bucky listened with solemn interest, staying silent until you finished. He frowned, his brows pinching together and his lips turning down with an agitated air. “Permission to speak freely?”

“Always.”

He took a deep breath before starting bluntly with, “It sounds like he’s a dick.”

You snorted.

“No no no, hear me out! From what you’ve told me, this asshole is using you and doesn’t seem to care about your feelings. All he wants you for is someone who will give him what he wants and someone whom he can just take and take from.” He shook his head with a growl that surprised you. You’d never seen the god of spring so… angry and dark. “He sounds like a dick who only cares about himself and he’s hurting you in the process. He’s using you and it’s not right. Who does he think he is to abuse a literal goddess such as yourself. You don’t deserve that shit. You don’t deserve someone who will use you and leave you. You deserve the world. You deserve all the stars in the heavens. You deserve love—not that fake lust—true love. You deserve someone who will take care of your emotions and treat you with respect and adoration. You deserve someone who will stay with you through thick and thin, treating you as if you’re a precious gem. You deserve someone—”

“Someone like you?” The words were gentle as they escaped your mouth; hopeful, sincere, begging. They surprised you, but their implications that you wanted him surprised you more. How could you imply that? You hadn’t even known each other for a year yet, and you were insinuating that he wanted a romantic relationship with you and you wanted one with him. What the fuck were you thinking?

How could you think such? You didn’t know him. He didn’t know you. He was just a friend and hardly even that. He’d only been down to your domain a handful of times.

But then again…

Each time had been more blissful and lovely than the last. Sitting with him in the garden… Strolling through Elysium… Picking flowers in the Meadow… Each time he visited drew you closer and closer to his light until you considered him close to your heart.

He turned to you, his astounding blue eyes looking at you with an ounce of surprise and, for a second, you feared you overstepped. But then his gaze turned kind and he smiled a smile so kind, so genuine, and so real that you lost your breath for a second. And he reached for your hands—both of them—and took them in his. His hands dwarfed yours, but they fit together perfectly. Holding one, he brought the other up to cup his face, to hold his cheek. He turned into you and pressed his lips against the palm of your hand.

You could feel his breath ghosting over your skin and it sent shivers down your spine in the best way.

And then his lips moved, and even the slightest twitch was enough to take over your senses. “If you’d have me,” he said softly, his voice just barely above a whisper. He turned away from your hand to gaze into your eyes. “I know I’m a young god—naive, stupid, innocent to the world—but I also know my feelings. And I do have feelings for you, (y/n). I know that we don’t know each other the best, but that’s the great thing about immortality, right? I have all of eternity to get to know you.”

You gaped at him, your mind on red alert as the meaning of his words kicked in. He wanted a relationship with you. Suddenly, your thoughts went on autopilot.

This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong.

He was less than half your age. He was a young god. You didn’t know him. He didn’t know you. He doesn’t know what he wants.

This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong.

What were you thinking? You’d just met him. You couldn’t possibly be interested in pursuing a relationship. You would be insane. You couldn’t take advantage of him like this, no matter how badly your subconscious wanted him. And even then, he was the god of spring, of life, and you were the goddess of the dead and Queen of the Underworld. There was no way that those two things mixed. How could they? They were polar opposites.

This is wrong. This is wrong. This is…

But what if it wasn’t? What if he wanted you just as bad as you wanted him? What if he wanted to know you like you wanted to know him? What if?

This feels right. This feels nice. This feels right.

Maybe there was a reason you felt safe and secure around him. Maybe there was a reason you called him instead of Brock when you had your nightmare. Maybe there was a reason he stayed in your mind, always lurking in the corners no matter the time of day.

This feels right. This feels nice. This feels right.

Your eyes traced his face and your heart hammered in your chest. If you were being honest, you wouldn’t mind trying to pursue something with him. He was kind, sweet, and genuinely wanted to know you. That was more than any other man had been in years.

But there were other factors than just what you and he wanted. What about the age gap? You more than doubled him in age. And then there was also the fact that you were practically ostracised by most of the gods and immortals on Olympus. Would he join you in exile from the others if he associated himself with you? And then what about his mother? She despised you with a passion, and there was no way that she would approve of you two dating. And what about…

Brock…

There were just so many fucking factors to it, way too many for you to work out in one day. You might’ve been a goddess, but that didn’t mean you weren’t without responsibilities that had to come before your love life.

You hung your head, removing your eyes from his body. “Bucky, I just… I don’t know…” you whispered, your voice cracking with strain. “How could we work? How could the world let us work? There’s just so much that needs to be accounted for and I… I just don’t see how it’s possible.”

“So long as we try, so long as we both want it… Anything is possible, really—even us being together.” He gave you a lopsided smile. “The Fates would not have had us meet if it wasn’t.”

You barked a bitter laugh. “The Fates could not be so cruel as to interweave our futures, Bucky,” you said in a shallow whisper. “It’s a curse to be stuck with me.”

“See, you view it as a curse, but I would see it as the greatest blessing they could give me. To be so lucky as to spend all of eternity with you who cares so much about people and who gives so much of herself so selflessly is all that I can ask for. You are so much more than what you give yourself credit for, (y/n). Let me be there to remind you of your value.”

“But what about Brock?”

He sighed and tightened his grip on your hand. “You can let him go. You don’t need him. He’s abusing you, (y/n), I know you can see that too. Just let him go.”

“I… I just… I can’t let him go that easily, Buck.” You hung your head. “I think that, deep down, I know the words you speak are true, but I… He’s been there for me—with me—for hundreds of years; I can’t just let him go. I know I should, but I can’t…” It was toxic, what you had with him; you knew that, but he had planted his weeds so deep in your heart that you could not tear them out so easily.

“What if I helped you?” he asked, his voice lifting an octave as he thought aloud. “I can be there for you, occupying your time so that way you wouldn’t have to see him. I have no obligations or responsibilities other than bringing Spring to the Mortal World once a year, and so I could be down there for you. No one says that you have to cut him from your life all at once; you can do it little by little and I will be there to help you every step of the way.” He bit his lip as he let go of your hand and reached up to hold your cheek.

You closed your eyes at his touch and leaned into him. His hands were worn and smooth and filled with warmth that filled you to your core.

“I can help you, (y/n), but you have to tell me you want this. I won’t make you decide one way or the other; this is your life, you’re in control. I am but a tool for you to use to help you along. You tell me what you want and I will help you make it happen. Okay?”

What you want…

You had virtually everything you could ever want: a kingdom, loving family, millions of subjects who respected you, power, wealth, good friends, the best dog ever, and security. But that wasn’t everything you wanted.

You wanted love. You’d never admitted it before, but you really wanted love. Not the stuff Brock gave you, but real love. If you remember correctly, the Greeks had given a name for the love you craved.

Pragma: long-lasting love.

You knew that you were never going to get that with Brock. You were chasing him down a one-way road that led to a dead end. There was no future of growth for you, no practicality whatsoever, only the same for years, decades, centuries to come. There was nothing more he could offer you, nothing he could give to you that you didn’t already have.

But with Bucky? Gods, there were so many options; he’d already proved to you time after time that he was invested in you and more than willing to stay with you. He’d risked getting flayed alive by his mother and his own safety just to get closer to you. With him, there was a chance that you could find what you wanted. No matter how minuscule the chance was, it was still there; a single thread hanging in the middle of the room that you were going to hold onto and climb until it either turned into rope or disappeared.

You had nothing to lose, so why not take a chance on him?

Next 11: She Takes a Stand