#sorry this was so long BUT THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION

[avelera]

I’m dying for your thoughts on what is going on in Dubai with the triangulation of Armand and Daniel in Dubai because nothing in 2.05 explain ms what they(beddeath vampires) could want him to tell them as referenced earlier in the season or warrant all the Rashid pageantry. Especially not with how Armand looks at Daniel like he just got home from the wars.

Your takes are exquisite and I’d love to hear them.

Ok, I THINK you're asking what the hell is going on with Daniel and Armand and Louis and the longing looks Armand keeps shooting Daniel and I might be missing some nuance to your question but that is the question I'm gonna answer because I can't stop thinking about it.

Ok. Ok, ok, SO!! The biggest question I think we're facing as of 2.05 is did the Devil's Minion chapter of Queen of the Damned ever happen?

For the uninitiated (LOTS of BOOK SPOILERS but like the books have been out for decades, sorry): Louis/Armand is like... not a thing. At least, it's not one of the big love affairs of the series compared to Louis/Lestat. I mean they've had a situationship but they're definitely not a long devoted love affair going right up to the beginning of the events of Vampire Lestat/Queen of the Damned, which is where the show seems to take place. They traveled together for a bit after the events of Interview with the Vampire but then parted ways because What Happened In Paris changed Louis irrevocably.

The big love of Armand's life in the books is Daniel.

And we learn this in the chapter of Queen of the Damned called the Devil's Minion.

Because Armand stumbles upon "The Interviewer" and falls in love and they have this fucked up whirlwind torrid romance where Daniel teaches Armand about the modern world and basically "how to be fascinating" and Daniel begs over and over to be made into a vampire.

Lots of stuff happens between them but short, TRAGIC version is that Armand does make Daniel into a vampire and it breaks Daniel's mind. He's not a cool powerful vampire once he's turned, he's basically a vegetable, he loses his mind and becomes a hollow husk of himself. (Ironically, insane-new-vampire!Daniel is left in the care of Marius of all people lol)

SO, from the book reader perspective, I shot upright on my couch when I saw old Daniel. Because Old Daniel means we're in... some flavor of happy AU? We're in an AU where Armand did the "responsible" thing and didn't give Daniel the Dark Gift, so Daniel got to grow old and actually be a person instead of being the Devil's Minion where Armand became his whole personality and then he lost his mind.

Thing is, since S1, I've been assuming, like others I think, that we're in an AU where the Devil's Minion didn't happen at all. That Daniel did the interview, he and Louis parted ways, and now he's back to finish it. It seemed neat, clear, if a little confusing for book fans because Daniel/Armand is one of THE great love affairs and it seems like it just got skipped entirely, which kind of makes sense since no other film version has really delved into it, right?

WRONG. OK, so with the longing looks that begin RIGHT when Armand finally reveals himself, the whole mic drop moment of "Armand, the love of my life" while Armand stares at Daniel, almost seeming to plead with his eyes "GET ME AWAY FROM HIM" and looking at Daniel with such longing, going into SEASON 2 where we learn that ok, the 1970s beat was WAY more complicated than it seems, Louis' memory is very faulty, Armand has actively tampered with both of them and we DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH....?

So my current theory is: the Devil's Minion DID happen.

Armand and Daniel had their love affair, but instead of turning Daniel, which by the way he had to be talked into doing because of Daniel's suicide attempt basically, Armand set him free. But CLEARLY he continued to stalk and pine after Daniel, if he was there at Daniel's fucking engagement reading his girlfriend's mind enough to tell Daniel what she was really thinking then. Armand was definitely still OBSESSIVELY IN LOVE. And, IMO, has been the whole time.

Now, what does this mean going forward? What do I think is going on?

Armand wants out of his relationship with Louis but he's chronically, pathologically, incapable of breaking up with anyone. He used Lestat to break up the Children of Darkness, he used Louis to break up the Theatre des Vampires, and now he's using Daniel to end this fucked up marriage he and Louis are in.

Armand is doing this first by consenting to renew the interview, Louis gets a walk down memory lane, remembers how much he loves Lestat. Not to solidify their bond with how good things are now, but to break it up with nostalgia.

Armand is also going to reveal things he's hidden from Louis, I think. Like the fact Armand killed Claudia. I think right now they're both operating under the excuse that Santiago and the coven did it in defiance of Armand but that is simply not true, Armand ordered her death to get Louis all to himself. But (book canon) her death broke Louis so basically Armand destroyed what he wanted in Louis in the gaining of him.

Armand also misses Daniel. He's doing the classic passive lover thing, using the next lover to get rid of the current one. That's why he picked Daniel specifically as the vehicle of his liberation. Boy wants to get white knighted in the most fucked up way possible. Evidence: every single painfully longing, puppy dog look he shoots Daniel's way and how those looks only get more intense the more Louis waxes poetic about how great the Loumand relationship is.

Armand appears as Rashid in order to establish for plausible deniability for Louis that he DIDN'T have a relationship with Daniel OR, if Louis knows about it, that he really did do as promised and wiped Daniel's mind. Look, Daniel doesn't even remember him! When he's standing right there! Pretending to be Rashid! He definitely didn't summon his former lover here to break up Louis and him, obviously this is JUST about Louis' desire to do the interview haha, definitely not trying to bring his old ex to break up his current relationship the guy doesn't even remember who he is.

In conclusion: Armand still wants to fuck that boy old man. And he wants to get rid of Louis by making Louis break up with him because that's how Armand rolls. And that's why this whole ridiculous pantomime is happening, because Armand will never, ever be the active party in the breakup because the boy is way, way too fucked up by his supremely fucked up life up to this point to ever be the initiator. Instead he will always, always manipulate those around him to do what he wants.

[malfunctioningemi]

Sk8 the Infinity & how Reki Kyan is written to be human

SO 👏 if you kept reading past the opening line welcome back to some more thoughts I have had about Sk8. In the show, I think Reki is the most humanly written character in the show. This is due to his personality, but more-so his actions and internal dialogue. 

We open the show with narration from Reki explaining skating and what he loves about it, before seeing him lose the beef with Shadow, and be forced to watch as his board burns. We see straight away that, for all his passions, Reki is punished and given consequences for being too over-indulgent and confident in winning. He loves skating, but it can hurt sometimes. 

One of my favourite scenes with Reki, is him in school before Langa. It’s short, but he is sat doodling away new skateboarding designs and parts. The second someone shows interest and asks what he is doing, he eagerly asks if they want to talk about it, to which he is immediately rejected for his eagerness. His passions being met with disinterest.

Then we have Reki meeting Langa. He doesn’t pay him much attention in class, but when meeting him outside of Cherry’s studio, we get to see Reki’s goofy side come out more. Asking him if he was interested in skating, if he’d want to learn. Then getting shot down once again for his eagerness, only to end up with Langa as a co-worker instead thanks to Oka. As Reki teaches Langa to skate, we het to see Reki shine in his knowledge. he never gives up, even if something seems impossible. He slowly encourages and pushes Langa until he can finally nail that first trick, having fun the whole time and making their friendship all the brighter. It is honest and genuine, even if a little battered and bruised sometimes.

Skipping forward a bit, we see how Reki reacts to other skaters like Miya. Up until this point, we know that Reki is an average skater compared to most, and Miya being the child prodigy, shows Reki up and makes him land face in dirt more than once. There is jealousy of his skill, but also a playful rivalry. Miya is just a kid, similar in age to Rekis younger sister, so he can’t hold a grudge against him for too long. He quickly jumps in to defend Miyas honor, showing that despite everything, he is his friend above any rivalry or squabbles. 

SO. When Reki races against Adam, we see a side of Reki we don’t see much. He is dejected. He tries to joke and laugh, but anyone can see that he is bitter about losing. The people he is surrounded by are spectacular, and he is just regular. He wants to get better, but for now he needs to recover. 

I love the beach episode SO MUCH and for one reason I don’t see people mention often is the scene between Joe and Reki. Reki confides in Joe, and Joe does what he can to comfort him. It’s a rare heart-to-heart we don’t get much of in the show, but when we do it tends to be between the two. They are very similar in my eyes, Joe seeing himself in Reki, and wanting him to not make the same mistakes he did. Reki admits that he doesn't want to fall behind, and while he has the drive, it doesn’t mean he has the skill to.

As the episodes pass and Langa QUICKLY improves, he gets left behind like he expected. He hates it, he doesn’t want to just be ‘the one that hangs around the GOOD skaters’ he wants people to know his name and acknowledge his skills. 

The turning point for Reki’s character is when Langa goes against his promise. Reki is a man of his word, and expects everyone else to keep the same ideals. Once a promise is made, you shouldn’t break it. Knowing Reki was the one to teach Langa everything, seeing him exceed his own skills, and then not keep his promise made Reki break. To him, that was him being left behind. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t reach the same stars that Langa could. As much as this era of the show hurts, Reki is written so realistically. He knows that he shOULDN’T be so upset about this, seeing and supporting his friends improvement used to bring him joy, but now he was left behind without so much as a thank you, he can’t help but close off and run away. How I see it, Reki has the ideals of Someone who wants others to put the same energy into their friendship as he does, and when that doesn't happen, he gets crushed.

Reki at his lowest is when he gets beaten up by his old skating friends, and Oka finds Reki wallowing in self pity. He feels as though he deserved to be beaten up for feeling this way, that his feelings are selfish and he should just be happy. Oka’s advice that sometimes people are just cut out to watch and cheer them on gives Reki the energy to go and watch a race, but even with cheering Langa on, he doesn’t WANT to watch. He wants to be there, skating alongside his friends and having FUN! What fun is there in just sitting there? 

The small scene between Reki and Tadashi has always been interesting regarding Reki’s character. In the depths of his moping, it takes someone who (as he sees it) completely missing the point of skating to knock him out of it. He loves skating, he loves skating with langa, it’s all meant to be FUN! saying it aloud to someone else seemed to be the wakeup call he needed, even if tears were shed.

Once Reki and Langa finally makeup, with Reki having had more time to think things over, we can finally see Reki be given the acknowledgement from Langa that he IS amazing. And of course, Reki blushes. As much as he wants to be recognized for what he can do, being bombarded by compliments makes him nervous and a little embarrassed, and as I read it, feel like all his moping was useless if Langa thought that about him the entire time. It’s sweet and a genuine moment between the two. 

NOW. this post is already really long but I absolutely adore how the skating between him and Adam is done the second time. Reki knows what to expect this time, and just has to endure it until the time comes for him to shine. He might not be the best skater, but he knows everything about the boards themselves, and gets to show off his knowledge once the rain comes. Seeing him win and get that big hug from everyone once it’s over feels like a reunion that I didn’t know I needed. For once everyone is on Reki’s side and supporting him vocally and physically.

As we reach the end of the show, we get to see Reki watch Langa skate almost to his death before their reunion and Langas victory. I think Langas leap of a hug into Reki is the culmination of 12 episodes of friendship- ups and downs all culminating in a fun and loving embrace. A thank you for showing Langa how fun living in Okinawa could turn out to be.

Their duo skate at the end is, as I see it, the start of something new, and the end of Reki’s arc. He has learnt so much, and ended up with a best friend and a newfound love for skating alongside people who truly cherish him. Reki is NOT a perfect person. He gets jealous, and pouts when he gets teased, and makes awful jokes and does some goofy things that sometimes puts him in weird positions, but he is a character who just wants to have FUN as hard as that can seem sometimes.

[lazylittledragon]

what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?

it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".

i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.

the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.

it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.

tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.

[galacticlamps]

ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--

But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.

And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.

That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.

Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.

And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"

So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.

Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.

[ganondoodle]

(OC art)

kinda needlessly redid Eadrya's (they/them) demon form design instead of working on any of the other things (why am i like this)

more info (hahaha .. ha .. long post woops); their jaw is unhingable and their mouth can technically open all the way past their gills (?) with the lighter colored part being an extra flap of skin they are widely known as the most powerful demon to exist (not counting their dead demon god who is only very rarely able to possess shargon if given right circumstances but otherwise dont exist anymore) to the point that they generate so much coreblood/energy that excess is constantly being emitted to the environment around them giving them an aura felt even by humans (it generally has no drawbacks ... unless you later have to deal with demon hunters that use devices to detect demonic energy bc it kinda turns you into a lighthouse for them..) that fact also means they pretty much never have to eat or rest, though they are one of the very very few demons willing to eat other livings things and able to digest it (most demons cannot)

they are one of seven Lords, the Lord of Water specifically, and are very proud of that and, while acting like they dont care about anything or anyone, do probably the best job at keeping their world intact and other demons safe than anyone else- Eadrya is also kinda obsessed with strength and thus hates Shargon to the point of having attempted to murder him several times, not just bc he is so weak but mainly bc they think he selfishly took the title of King to essentially doom them all (since that title, only able to be given of demons with the core element of lightning, means that demon must be the one to go into battle alone for the protection of their world as the first line of defence, bc if the strongest demon, able to invoke their god, can defeat a threat alone theres no need to endanger anyone else, and if the king fails and the six remaining Lords cannot do the rest it was a lost battle to begin with--- the six Lords (not counting the King who starts as a Lord if none of the other accept them) also serve as a sort of council, and to put it bluntly, 'battery' for their god-

see, every demon naturally only has one main element, the Lords, if they accept the King as such, can lend the King part of their power enabling them to use more than one, with each acceptance their gods connection to the King gets stronger, and if it is summoned, will constantly siphon off (?) the strength of the Lords- which can kill them if its active for too long

MEANING that with Shargon being so unfit for that role it not only puts them all in danger, it also means all responsibility falls on them) a title like that cannot be undone once one accepts it, so alot of them, while not actively wishing harm upon him, hope a little that Shargon dies and a better King can be chosen

Eadrya, especially for the first part of the story, is an antagonist, and kinda an ass to everyone, the typical powerful, loud and mean guy that despite being never nice to anyone still does good, the only ones they really care about is Thor, an almost equally strong lightning demon and childhood friend who is also the only one Eadrya will listen to and due to Thors pacifist ideals always stops their outbursts, and Jyothi, Shargons daughter, who is a prodigy of a wind demon and has started to learn from Eadrya, much to Shargons dismay

generally they are way less mean to children and a surprisingly good and patient teacher ... if they are willing to teach you

(alot of their problems stem from a deep fear of being powerless and left alone- they dont think of themselves as highly as it seems and are actually very lonely- thinking that no one could actually genuinely like them for who they are and just does their bidding bc of their strength, of the fear they can instill in others-- they became a Lord at a horribly young age, not even having learned how to change form yet, and saw their parent, the previous Lord of Water (titles are not inherited, this was coincidence), slowly waste away with a strange disease, not even really understanding what was happening and after their passing spend months at the side of their corpse all alone)

they later have a character arc (that is horribly underselling it but i do not want to make this post any longer lol) and join the main group, one of my fav OCs of them all and the most detailed story and arc (god its so good i wish i could just show you all the movie in my head argh) besides Shargon :3

[bbcphile]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D 

[twocutlines]

anyway

[leenfiend]

i’m listening to those literary demerit episodes on dirty laundry feeling like a klance scholar rn and also shaking my fist at the fucking sky because clearly a lot of klance fic was influenced by it and god.......i wish i could live in a different timeline......we gotta do better this time soldiers. give me in character fic im on my knees begging. 

[fiepige]

Hobie Brown variant OC:

I finally decided to make Symbiote!Hobie (nicknamed SH by Hobie, which over time turned into Sage) his own thing, cause I've made so many changes to him that I've decided he's just gonna be another version of Hobie from another dimension.

I basically came up with him when thinking about what it would take for Hobie to truly bond with a symbiote and this is what I came up with.

While he's technically Hobie too I'm gonna refer to him as Sage in this post to avoid confusion <3

Gonna start with his appearance and then move on to his origins and how he got involved with the Spider-Society:

Disclaimer: I cannot draw so I haven't even attempted at drawing his face cause I know I'd never be able to draw him in a way I'd like- So I did the next best thing:

(He has a normal face I just tried to find a way for me to draw him without drawing his face lol)

Pictured above is Sage and his symbiote K.A.T (and their symbiote form- yeah it's the same as Venom!Hobie cause I like the design lol)

He looks like Hobie but younger- he's around 11 when he's bitten by the spider and fused with K.A.T - he's around 12 when he gets introduced to the Spider-Society

He's got short hair as it was completely shaved off when he got caught by Oscorp - more about this under his origins - he wants to let it grow out after meeting Hobie and being inspired by his approach to his looks (he really looks up to Hobie but don't tell anyone I said that!)

His left iris is white as a result of the symbiote DNA being fused to him. He can make it match his right eye if he concentrates but only really bothers to do so if he feels it draws too much attention

After meeting Hobie he helps Sage get a few piercings of his own

He usually wears a hoodie and/or a mask to hide his face - he's super paranoid and does his best to hide himself from others

Never goes anywhere without his noice cancelling earmuffs - he's got enhanced senses due to his spider powers but they can be a bit of a nuisance since he's also sensitive to loud noises due to his symbiote...

He also usually wears sunglasses to shield himself from sensory overload as he was subjected to it a lot as part of the experiments he was put through at Oscorp - and thus getting his senses overstimulated can result in panic attacks, so he does what he can to avoid it + it hides his eyes as well

K.A.T (Killing Authority-opposing Targets) is Sage's symbiote

It usually stays hidden unless they're alone or around people they trust/already knows about its presence.

If it does show itself it'll usually stay on Sage's shoulder or sit in his lap, it's still tethered to him so it can't go that far without him - not that it really wants to anyways

The reason K.A.T takes this form is that Sage is a cat person and it used it as a method to make him like it more when they first "met" + petting it helped Sage calm down and still does

K.A.T is still made of the same goo as regular symbiotes so it does not feel like petting a cat at all- Sage doesn't mind but most other people get suprised when they first touch it

If it likes someone it'll rub itself against their legs and mimic purring noises - if it dislikes someone it'll hiss and arch its back at them

K.A.T is a more animalistic symbiote and mainly communicates with Sage by letting him feel its emotions instead of speaking to him

To avoid making the post even longer than it's already gonna be I'll link to this post where I go into more detail about the design of thier Symbiote form instead of describing it here too ^^'.

This was originally supposed to be a short summary but I've realised I'm incapable of making short posts when it comes to stuff like this:

Origin:

Sage is a younger version of Hobie Brown. (11 years old when bitten by the spider and fused with his symbiote)

Sage and K.A.T "met" at one of Oscorp's labs

He was living as a homeless kid (having escaped an abusive household a few months prior)

He was bitten by a radioactive spider while looking for a place to spend the night.

He got very sick from the bite and was easily captured by Oscorp goons looking for new test subjects in the streets

Despite his young age Sage is a more ruthless Hobie variant, in part due to his upbringing and due to his symbiote (and the trauma they both go through at the hands of Oscorp)

K.A.T was a new kind of experimental symbiote that was set to be terminated due to it killing all its previous hosts - Sage was their last attempt at fusing it with someone

They decide to fuse it with Sage as he was deemed indisposable due to him seeming more dead than alive - suffering from the venom of spider bite at the time - and thus it wouldn't be a problem if the symbiote killed him too

Since the spider bite was still changing his DNA as he got fused with K.A.T some of its DNA got fused with him as well as a "side effect" during the process

Due to this it's incredibly hard (if not impossible) to seperate the symbiote from Sage without severely hurting them both

His body develops organic web shooters when it fuses with K.A.T - the webs are black and can be shot from either of his 4 arms when in his symbiote form (they can also be shot regularly while in his human form)

Sage develops enhanced senses and a taste for human flesh after being fused with K.A.T - he also has enhanced senses from the spider bite - making it easy to overstimulate his senses and overwhelm him before he learns to get it more under control

Since Sage's gotten powers from both the spider bite and the symbiote they quickly become the subjects for many inhumane and painful experiments as the scientists futilely try to figure out how to replicate the symbiote (as they're unaware of the spider bite, thinking the symbiote alone is behind Sage's new powers)

The main scientist behind the experiments is this dimension's version of Peter Parker!

Sage eventually manages to escape the lab during one of their many tests- killing as many guards and scientists on his way out as possible - and eating some of them as well

As a result of their treatment at the lab + his past with his abusive foster family, both Sage and K.A.T have developed a deep distrust to other people - at this point they both consider the other their only friend

Sage goes back to living as a homeless kid, avoiding people as best as he can, but he's also got an insatiable taste for human flesh as well!

He will usually target anyone associated with Oscorp when he's hungry (if none are available cops are the next best thing- his dimension is just as corrupt as -138 Hobie's dimension)

He doesn't feel bad about killing but will still try not to harm civilians (emphasis on try- sometimes the hunger gets the best of him)

Due to his senses being extra sensitive + his paranoia from his experiences at the lab and his foster homes, he tries to avoid crowded and noisy places - This all leads to him being more active at night while he usually tries to lay low and hide during the day.

He lived like this for months until a certain event changed that:

First encounter with the Spider-Society

Sage's dimension is blacklisted meaning people from the Spider-Society aren't allowed to go there (cause a spider-person who's embracing their symbiote instead of resisting it is deemed unsafe by Miguel and thus best to be avoided)

Sage does still get introduced to the spider-society albeit through a rather unconventional way:

- One day a portal opens up and pulls Sage through it, sending him to another dimension as an anomaly

Having no idea about what's going on, and being scared and confused about the whole situation, he does his best to lay low and avoid other people.

Because of this he spends a lot of time in the other dimension before the society discovers signs of an anormaly - glitched objects like seen when Kingpen uses the collider in itsv, or the museum that the Vulture appears in in atsv

Sage eventually has his first run in with other spider people when his hunger gets the best of him and he becomes more careless as he turns into his symbiote form to go look for prey

Here he encounters Gwen and Peter B as they're looking for the anomaly causing things to glitch out in the dimension

Not knowing he's a spider person and an actual child, Peter and Gwen attack him as they always do with anomalies - it also doesn't help that Sage doesn't exactly look friendly when in his symbiote form.

He fights back cause these masked people attacked him for no reason so they must be bad guys and of course he's gonna defend himself - it also doesn't help that he's starving and thus not thinking clearly at this point.

Unfortunately for him, these guys have high frequency equipment to deal with symbiotes and thus they manage to subdue him, but not before he manages to fight back, revealing his organic webbing which tips Gwen and Peter off to him having spider powers as well

He's subdued and forced into an electric cage (which brings back a lot of unpleasant memories from his time at Oscorp) and sent to the Spider-Society afterwards

When he arrives at the Society he quickly gets overstimulated and has a panic attack and lashes out in a desperate attempt at escaping his electric cage - also seeing the face of the scientist who tortured him for months everywhere certainly didn't help

Gwen then uses a high-frequency device made to combat symbiotes to force him to revert back to his human form

She immediately recognises him as a young version of -138 Hobie

Her and Peter both panic cause 1. They realise they basically beat up a kid and locked him up. 2. That kid has a symbiote! 3. That kid is a younger version of another spider-person they both know (and who they both know has a very long and strained history with symbiotes!)

Miguel gets involved and a discussion begins about whether they should try and seperate Hobie (Sage) and his symbiote

- The other spiders mean well by this but Sage and K.A.T both panic at the thought of being separated - at this point they really view the other as their only friend as it's been them against the world ever since they fused

Sage, still panicking, tries to protest but they won't listen as they view him as a kid who doesn't know what's best for him

Sage is taken to the room with all the villains while they discuss what to do with him

Here Margo sees Sage and K.A.T comforting each other, K.A.T manifesting physically in Sage's lap, being hugged tightly by Sage as he promises it he'll never let anyone separate them

Seeing this, Margo takes pity on them and 'accidentally' sends them home before the other spiders get a chance to try and remove K.A.T from Sage.

Relationships with other spider-people

Some time later Sage has an encounter with Hobie who found out about the whole mess - despite Miguel ordering Gwen and Peter not to tell him

While Hobie isn't exactly a fan of symbiotes he first and foremost sees Sage as a traumatised homeless kid in need of safety and stability

Hobie offers Sage to stay at his boat whenever he wants (as long as he promises not to eat anyone while he's there), he also gives him one of his bootleg watches so he can come and go as he pleases (and explains that he can also use it to get home to his own dimension if he's ever unwillingly sent to another dimension again)

Sage declines at first but over time he slowly opens up to Hobie and begins to trust him

(He also secretly looks up to Hobie once he trusts him, cause who doesn't? He's an older version of himself who's got a place to call his home, one that he opens up to strangers in need such as himself, he uses his powers for good and not just to survive. He's not afraid to be who he is and draw attention to himself - something Sage has been too afraid to do ever since his time at Oscorp. He's got friends and people he trusts. - all things that Sage wants too but doesn't believe he'll ever have) Also he'll never admit that he looks up to Hobie but he can tell anyways

Hobie's the one that gives Sage his nickname, it started as SH but over time it turned into Sage instead, though he doen't mind being called Hobie as well, it's just easier to go by Sage when both he and Hobie are present.

He still doesn't trust people, especially not the Spider-Society after their first meeting, which made it very awkward when Gwen showed up to visit Hobie while Sage was there - luckily Hobie managed to interfere before they beat each other up too much...

(He trusts Margo a bit as well since she 'saved' him from the Spider-Society - also it's nice to be around someone who doesn't smell like food since she's an avatar and not made of flesh and blood)

He currently lives at Hobie's boat, switching between it and his own dimension as he pleases

Hobie did his best to hide it but he was rather freaked out by K.A.T's presence in the beginning, he did his best to supress it cause he genuinely wants to help Sage

Hobie mentors him in how to use his Spider Powers and tries to give him a moral compass to at least prevent him from eating civilians when he gets too hungry - He usually targets cops or people working for Oscorp but the hungrier he gets the less picky he is

Another reason Hobie took him in is because he knows ostracising someone won't make them a better person and while Hobie doesn't believe in deciding what's best for others he still knows life will be a bit easier for Sage if he doesn't just kill whoever he wants whenever he wants - impulse control is important when you have a cannibalistic symbiote in your body.

- Hobie still dislikes symbiotes but he respects Sage's choice to keep his and does his best to help him control some of the more violent urges that come with a symbiote.

Hobie introduces Sage to his punk ideologies and slowly introduces him to the punk community

Hobie also introduces him to some of his friends but it's a slow process due to Sage having a hard time trusting people - especially spider-people after his Spider-Society encounter

Some of the spider-people also have a hard time opening up to him because of his symbiote

But Hobie's good at making a safe space for Sage to feel like he can slowly start to open up to others

For the first time in years Sage feels like he has someone (besides K.A.T) he can trust and over time he starts to view Hobie as his older brother

And that's that folks! (at least for now)

To the one person who actually bothered to read all of this - know that I'm infinitely grateful that you took your time to read about my boy <3

- I initially tried to keep this short but I gave up cause Sage has been living rent free in my head for weeks and it feels so nice to finally flesh him out and write about him!

You know I couldn't resist making my first oc angsty - but at least he ends up doing better than where he started.

Hopefully you guys like him too! If you have any questions please let me know, I could talk about him forever <3

[aceattorneystims]

or mimi miney stimboard? or mineymay?

Mimi miney stimboard for anon!

🧡 ❤️ ❤️

🪦 ▫️ 🪦

🧡 ❤️ 🧡

[sitzfleischh]

Ok I'm back, finally got to watch the Ghosts finale & took some time to articulate my thoughts.

I totally understand why it was divisive, but honestly for me it was just the issue every sitcom finale has where they have the baggage of multiple seasons weighing on them and needing to be wrapped up in one episode. Any sitcom finale that wants to end-end has to decide whether to do a "very special episode" vibe where it's completely different in structure to a typical episode, or keep the structure of a typical episode and wrap up quickly in the way that every episode of a sitcom usually ends quickly. The Ghosts finale chose to do the latter, and given the 30 minute runtime, they just didn't have the time to really sit with everything that happened. A longer ep, or one that didn't follow their usual structure likely would have helped to make it all feel smoother / land better, but that would have required it to be something different than any other episode of Ghosts. What we got, then, was something with the structure of a typical episode but the emotional baggage of a finale, meaning things are inevitably just less funny and much higher stakes than usual because you don't have the expectation that everything will be back to normal next episode.

But I'm not at all disappointed by Alison and Mike leaving, and had basically expected it as the ending since I started watching the show-- I think the ghosts choosing to let them go (and especially to let Mike and Mia go, since Mike has never been able to see them and Mia won't very soon), was great and showed the growth they've all had over the last 5 seasons.

And while I was briefly worried about it, I think they'll have a great time in the hotel! The show has portrayed boredom as the biggest issue every ghost has had with their afterlife, and a difficulty with change as being the biggest point of growth for basically all of them. The hotel certainly solves the boredom issue, and the realization that this change could be good shows how much they've grown.

This finale for me was not at all a destruction of the found family they've cultivated. The ghosts are a family to each other now in a way they weren't emotionally able to be before Alison opened them up to it. And now Alison and Mike come back every year to be with them because they choose to, because they love them, not out of obligation. Because they're all still family, even if they don't literally live together anymore.

One of my favourite things about Ghosts is how it portrays the weird messy difficult parts of life as just as important to being human as the nice parts. And I think this finale did exactly that.

So all this to say, while I don't think the execution of it worked for me, I do think Alison and Mike taking the hotel deal at the ghosts' suggestion was the right ending for a beautiful five seasons of television. ❤️

I only just joined this fandom in November of this year but god I love this show and can't wait to keep obsessing over it. I hope you will all stick around and continue to write fic and make edits and play in the space for a long time :)

[wr0ngwarp]

um. uh. hi every body. something evil and malevolent happened in my brain this month.

this is. um. a Jet Set Radio/Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Death joke AU, spawned out of a in-joke that started in a pokepasta discord. my apologies to both the pokepasta and jsr fandoms

the entire basis is the idea that Corn in Future retconned og JSR Beat as leader/founder of the GGs (is beat being leader in the og even CANON?) so Corn and Beat are the Myras. no it's not a joke funny enough to justify how many hours i sunk into drawing these. no attempt was made to change the setting, assign most of the other cast, or otherwise make this au hold up to ANY amount of scrutiny. if i tried to make this actually work somehow then i'd REALLY end up too far gone. also i keep calling myrtle!beat "Meat".

MEANWHILE, IN A BETTER UNIVERSE:,

[hirazuki]

Mairon and Arien + 30 👉👈

…as comfort | Mairon & Arien

•────────────────────⋅☾ ☽⋅────────────────────•

He holds her face firmly between his palms -- the skin she has hidden herself away in is darker, a perfect contrast to his pallor, yet runs just as hot as his own -- and presses a rough kiss to her eyes, even as she pushes at him, attempting to tear away from his grasp.

"Stay away! Did you not hear me?" Arien cries, voice crackling like the flames when they lick at wood. "I will only burn you, too!"

"How absurd," Mairon says -- not relinquishing his grip on her -- in a manner he means to be comforting.

Most, he knows, do not understand it as such.

She is not most, however -- she never has been; his sister-spirit, his twin ember, the only other one like him left in this place -- and so he has never needed to cut off the surrounding air to temper his aura lest it be too caustic, to tuck away his edges until he is easy and palatable and unsharp. Not with her; never with her.

And he is determined that she treat with him in kind.

And so he pulls her back into his arms and keeps her there, a spark flashing wild and bright, and drops his face into the soft halo of curls that crowns her head.

"I am also made of fire."

The reminder is all it takes for her to break, and she sweeps over him like ashfall or a blaze of light, wrapping herself around him and clinging to his front, leaving him to piece together the details of what happened from the roaring fragments that flare across his mind and the strain of sobs, twisting and snapping, beneath his chin.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ☽༓☾. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Later, when limbs are tangled and words have fled and she has spent herself with grief, tears falling hot and gold until she gives into slumber, he kisses them again -- gently, this time, so as not to rouse her.

The room is dark, now, the light from the hearth and the lamps having burned low in response to her quietude.

His face, as he pulls away to study hers, is darker.

She is wasted on them, who fear her; who would seek to contain her, to control her, to dampen her fire to fit neatly within their limited notions until she is nothing more than a pretty lantern, politely lighting the paved streets of their cities.

Mairon despises waste.

He lifts a finger and softly traces her brow-bone to her cheek-line and all the way down to her lips, where his attention hovers, for a moment, before he leans in to rest his forehead against hers.

There is one, he thinks, and the very thought splits him like the fiercest bolt, leaving him cloven in half and bleeding Song, for it is something that will never be. One under whose command she would flourish.

He would let her run like wildfire in dry fields, clothe herself in the molten heat under the mountains and dance with all abandon on flaming feet upon the unmelting ice; scorch the entire sky, if she so wished. Mairon knows, because he has seen it for himself: he has visited the great forges beneath the earth and the sharp mountainsides that tumble into the pines and the grinding ice with its vast dark fogs, shrieking in its song; and he has left his heart there.

She would never agree, and he knows this as well; it is the reason he has not spoken to her of the wonders he has seen in the wilderness of the far north, new and marvelous and terrible, no matter how he burns to share it with her.

No; Arien will remain here, eclipsed by treelight, safely contained in her fana like candle-flame kept tame behind panes of glass.

And he will leave, one day. Soon.

Until then, he will stay quiet -- for her sake, more than his; close as they are, ignorance will, doubtless, be difficult enough to affirm for the last spirit of their kind remaining unallied with Melkor. He will let her find rest in her unknowing and take joy in what precious little time she is unaware is trickling out, and he will hold her, close and tight and often -- for Mairon does not plan to take anything with him when he goes, save the blinding memory of her brightness and her sweet, stinging scent and the weight of her, cradled in his arms.

These, he will carry with him across the water, to warm himself by in the coming days, in times of uncertainty, in the cold places of the world, when all other fires may prove to die out.

[princess-of-purple-prose]

i wanna get into ORV but i still don’t understand it 😭😭

CACKLES SO FUCKING LOUDLY (Caps: cackles so fucking loudly). Ahem. [cracks knuckles]

Okay so ORV (Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint) is a webnovel which is currently being adapted into a webtoon, and I really enjoy both!! But if I had to pick one, it's the webnovel no question <3 I talked about accessing both here!

I went into it completely and entirely blind except for the main character's name, which was probably the best thing I've done for myself all year, but my summary for you (which I had to stop myself halfway through and cut down for size THRICE):

ORV follows Kim Dokja, an isolated and lonely office worker whose contract is expiring and whose only (and I mean only) joy in life is a massively long, horrendously convoluted webnovel called "Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World". He is the only reader in the entire world of this novel, as everyone else had long since fallen off about ten chapters in due to the fact that it fucking sucks-- but that means that when his subway ride home is interrupted by the world ending in exactly the way it does in his favorite story, he's also the person with the best chance in all the world to see the apocalypse through to a happy ending.

The novel, as indicated by the title and premise, is SO meta, and never in a cheesy or grating way-- ORV chews you up and spits you out with how incisively, brilliantly, and beautifully it works its themes, and every single character and character dynamic will grip you by the motherfucking throat. It is the funniest thing I've ever read and I've almost cried about it in public multiple times and I keep zoning out and staring into the middle distance during dinner because I keep having new belated realizations about its ending. It may look long and intimidating, but it doesn't FEEL long because the pacing is incredible, and also it constantly lampshades itself by acknowledging that the in-universe apocalypse is incredibly stupid and by having multiple scenes where the characters lay out past plot points in great detail and then go "wow this sucks and is stupidly overcomplicated." ORV is complex and beyond intelligently written, but it never takes itself too seriously, and it's better for it <3

ORV is hard to explain because it is so much all the time. In the best possible way, half the time it sounds like a fanfic-y fever dream. Kim Dokja IS bisexual and he IS autistic and he IS INSANE. It is impossible to encapsulate because everything I could say about it would fall short of its actuality, and Tumblr functions on recommending things through hyperbole but ORV is literally just like that. ORV is about the power of fiction and it's about meeting your blorbo in the flesh and immediately annoying him so bad he tries to kill you and it's about staggering, world-defying love of every kind and it's about your friends kinkshaming you and it's about learning to live with the fact that you deserve to live. I will, very genuinely, never be the same after reading it. This is the worst rec post in the world and I sincerely apologize. Please read ORV

[katyahina]

Quick Caryll headcanons update!

Alright, a few months ago I've made a post where I doodled all Byrgenwerth scholars I could possibly think of, but I've decided to change my ideas a bit in the end! Basically, I turned one character into two! So here is the changed post with the full cast and quick rundown: ( x )

More detail on why the change under cut though!

Long ago, when I just gotten into Bloodborne, my first vision of the character Caryll was of a red haired man who also was an artist. Even in one of those stereotypical berets, all that. Then I learned Caryll was ungendered name, so I opened up to potential of female character instead (really love to have more of those). And it was also around that time when I figured the potential of Caryll as the inspiration for the statue with a stitch on her forehead we see just behind Memory Altar - as well as Witch of Hemwick! We find Runes Workshop tool on a tied up corpse in Hemwick that appears to have bled and surrounded by many paper sheets, that made me think of experimenting on him to find out how many runes can human brain memorize at once before it explodes. Turns out only four, and that's my justification for in lore how everyone knows to not hold more than four in mind at once.

So for a while she was one of the witches and sole person responcible for runes - both having deciphered language of Great Ones, and then having brain surgery to 'speed up' process of receiving inhuman information! That dramatically shortened her lifespan and thus Old Hunters (and Church's prospectors too) revered her as a great help for their grave robbing- errr, exploration of the Chalice Dungeons! Hence why same statues are in the dungeons too.

Later though I found out that in Japanese original, character Caryll has legitimately masculine name - Karel, variant of Charles. ( x ) I myself use japanese script a lot but it never occured to me to check kanji of names so that was... a late discovery. Now I check names and titles too and it only was useful (especially with proper name of Kos thing). That didn't sit very well with that super female figure martyr mother teresa something vibe of the statue I copied Caryll from, nor with witch idea... Yet it still made a lot of sense to connect Hemwick stuff to it.

So I was lost on what to do, and then I remembered the very old instant impression of the redhead artist man and... It finally made sense to me! So I guess I just... knew something before I KNEW it?

So yeah, now Runes are joint effort of two people! :) Caryll is an artist from Cainhurst that also drew all those portraits, and had enough archiological education and talent to figure out an alphabet of Great Ones that even others could be taught to envision their own personal runes (ie Ludwig and Adeline). He saw very big potential in it as such language is exempt of the flaws of human languages and errors in verbal communication! People could even communicate their OWN thoughts and feelings to someone else without misunderstandings or language barriers - like how League's rune allows Valtr to let others see HIS understanding of what evil is and who has it. He also was slightly biased because he was hardly eloquent at all, and only felt like he could express himself in visual art. x)

Meanwhile, the witch was more of the "inventor" person that found a way to utilize Runes and created tools and means for exchanging them very effectively between people, without any divine Insight by brain fluid needed! Possibly worked on combining runes with ancient bells to basically create Arcane version of cellphones x) By getting literal eyes in her brain, she was able to receive significant amount of information that Caryll was able to perceive and write down too! Within lore, being close to a person who is seeing a Rune could make you see it too. Since it killed the witch quick, she was honored as martyr in the workshop for her sacrifice for the progress.

I now call her Carolee, but funny enough? Runesmith is mistranslation as well, because in the original it is 'Transcriptor Karel'. So basically Caryll is, indeed, transcriptor, meanwhile Carolee is, indeed, runeSMITH. Because tools and stuff. Had it not been too hard to bounce between general english speaking fandom and people who dwell on Japanese original as much as I do, I'd just call them Caryll and Karel instead! But yeah although similar names situation happens (like Adella and Adeline), that'd just be too confusing, so I gave her just a name that is variant of Caryll (and not variant of Karel!) similar enough, to still have connection to her previous version!

SO yeah, thanks anyone who read this short story! xD It just feels right for me, besides I feel like it'd be just bad to waste that redhead artist who came to me like a muse over a translation mistake... Like, sorry guy, you can't exist because I didn't bother to check the names extra time? It is like he saught me to let him exist, and I want him to have this chance! :) Just personal creator's intuition bias, don't mind me.