#sorry to my mom I guess. I'd rather kill myself than say that to her

[sillynarcissist]

being a narcissist is all fun and joys until you realize you actually were the problem all along. and everyone else was just trying to help while you pushed back. and you can't trust your memory because apparently all of them are wrong. stops being fun then

[spookymultimedia]

Oneshot to go along with it below

Word count: 727

CW: withdrawal, addiction, self harm, underage drinking [they're 13]

Stan was seated on the back porch of Henrietta's house and looked down at his trembling hands. He was going cold turkey for Kyle but ever since he cut off drinking he felt sick. He got headaches, he felt worse, he wanted to die. He needed some alcohol just to get the edge off and feel better. He didn't want to upset Kyle but it was so hard to quit. He turned at the sound of the sliding door. It was Henrietta standing there with a bottle in her hand. He couldn't help but perk up and the thought of her having alcohol.

She sat next to him and sipped the bottle of white wine.

He looked at her wide eyed.

“My Mom already drank half of it. I'm not addicted or anything. Not yet anyway.” She laughed at herself. She held out the bottle and offered it to Stan.

He took the bottle immediately and gulped it. It wasn't as strong as whisky but it was better than nothing. He drank it like it was water. He started to breathe better once the alcohol buzz settled into his alcohol-dependent body. Tears filled his eyes.

“kyle's gonna fucking kill me.”

“Why?”

“He hates that I drink.”

“He knows you have an addiction right?”

“Yeah of course.”

“He sounds like a total dick.”

“He just cares about me.”

“If he actually gave a fuck he would care about you going through withdrawal.”

He hiccupped and wiped his eyes.

“You're not the only kid with addictions you know, you're not alone.” She raised her arm and showed her scars from cutting herself.

Stan glanced at her.

“How do your friends feel about it?”

“They understand. They were scared at first but then they bought me cleaner shit to use and proper bandages so my scars won't get infected.”

Stan furrowed his eyebrows, “but, isn't that just encouraging it?”

“No, they're just creating a safer way for me to cut. It's harm reduction. It's not always possible to just drop out of an addiction immediately so might as well do it safer rather than privately with a dirty pencil sharpener.”

“I guess that's a good point.” He took another sip if wine.

“My friends aren't like yours. I can't always talk about everything with them.”

“Hmm.”

“Henrietta?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you cut because you're fat?”

“What!? No!! Why would you say that!?”

Stan flinched, “I donno, I'm sorry.”

“I don't have a fucking problem with my body, society just hates fat people!! I think I look fucking awesome but people see me and assume the fucking worst! It pisses me off!!”

Henrietta took a deep breath and clenched her fists.

“No it's because I just- I get so sad that I feel like nothing. And I just can't seem to wake up from it without cutting myself. It makes me feel alive. I'd rather hurt than sit in the dark abyss of nothingness in my soul. It's so boring doing nothing and feeling like shit. I need to fucking express how I feel or I'm gonna scream.”

“Yeah, I get it. I- I got pressured into drinking because I just needed an escape somehow and that's what they suggested to me and-” he hiccupped “I didn't mean to.”

Henrietta placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I know you didn't.”

“It's kinda fucked up but it’s beautiful I think. Sometimes I take pictures of my wrists because I think it's pretty. With the blood and all. That's fucked up isn't?”

“A little yeah. I can't remember the last time I didn't feel like shit. It's been nearly a year. I don't know when it's gonna stop.”

Henrietta nodded.

“It's weird. I start to feel okay again for a while, I feel really really good, or just get pissy again but I'm passionate and I'm not numb. But then it just comes back full force and I go back to feeling nothing. It drives me insane. I think I'm going insane. These emotions are normal. At least I don't enjoy them. Even when I do feel passionate, it's too much and I can't sleep. Like, at all.”

“Wow.”

“It's a lot. Point is, you're sick and you need to just embrace that and treat yourself more kindly. And if Kyle gets pissy about it I'll punch him in the nuts.”

Stan smiled.

“Okay.”

[spookyserenades]

I’m not much of a commenter (which is super hypocritical since receiving comments is my kryptonite lol), but I just felt like I needed to. I cannot describe how much I enjoy your work; I’m absolutely floored by the sheer word counts you dash out so consistently. Nothing ever feels choppy, and the scenes flow nicely into each other! Your funny moments are funny, your sad ones are crushing, and everything else in between is iconic.

I guess I was wondering just how you manage to stay so consistent? I write chapters that usually range between 13-17k myself, but I can’t seem to stick with a consistent updating schedule. How often do you write? Do you sit down daily and write just a little, or do you sit down occasionally but manage a few k each time?

Also, I cannot stress this enough how natural everyone’s relationship in Trouvaille is. I feel like it’s realistic that none of the boys would be immediately too keen with the mc but that they also wouldn’t stay distant forever? It felt special being able to gradually read about their developments, and I feel like once the mc gets with more of the boys eventually, it’ll be so rewarding? Idk, but I just cannot wait. The latest chapter ending scene with Jin has me so on edge; I can sense the angst from here—

Regardless, (and sorry for my rambling) I love your work!

—M

Hellooo love! I'm so happy to hear from you, thank you fro reading Trouvaille and sending me some love, I'm glad to have you here 🥺💕

Thank you for your sincere compliments, too 😭❤️ I haven't had someone mention the length of the chapters in a while-- they're big bois!! The last two chapters have been a bit shorter, but sometimes you say all that you need to without necessarily hitting the original wc estimate. I'm so happy to hear that the flow is smooth, and that you're enjoying the humorous moments (loveeee sneaking in things my mom have said before, her one-liners kill!) and I'm eeeeee you're too sweet thank you thank you 😭💕

As for consistency! I love this question, because I might have pulled the wool over your eyes. I started writing Trouvaille summer of 2022, and wrote up to Chapter 6 before I ever began posting on Tumblr. Between July 2022 - July 2023 I had chapters on "reserve" so really I'd just edit them before posting them.... Now, not so much the case. I write each chapter (since 8) each month, which admittedly can be a bit stressful, but it honestly forces me to write consistently and constantly. I think that can be a potentially good thing for writers who struggle to actually put pen to paper, having a "deadline" monthly, but every writer is different!

Additionally, I'm not the best person to ask about writing schedules,,, unfortunately I am a procrastinator so OFTEN I binge-write for hours on end. I recommend setting aside an hour or two a day to write if time allows you to do so, rather than type nonstop for 8 hours the day before an update LMAO!! I definitely want to become the writer that does bit by bit every day to cut down on the stress. I also want to say that once I stopped pressuring myself to make EVERY update 20k+words, things flowed a little more easily. It's better to have a shorter update that's concise and has everything you want to say, rather than bulking it up with filler.

Thank you so so much for loving all of the character's relationships so far, too 🥺 I know slow burn isn't for everyone, but it always felt more natural for me to write the hybrids as slow-to-trust, considering the world they live in in Trouvaille. I agree with you, when everyone starts to grow closer and closer over time, the sweet moments will seem even sweeter after all of the angst and growing 💕

Thank you again for reading, M, and I'm sending you so much love (and energy to keep on writing!!)

[siimjaeyun]

VOLUME TWO: ICE ICE BABY

synopsis: all you've ever wanted was to be good enough for jake sim, the captain of the soccer team, and the boy any girl would kill to be with. the issue? you know he's only with you to get back at his ex and have an eye candy around his arm. but when his friend sunghoon is back at school, maybe he'll teach you that you're more than just a pretty trophy.

masterlist

You manage to release another sigh as you make your way inside your home.

Jake had bailed on you for the third time this week, doing so at least two to four times for the past three months and you were tired of it. Half of the time it was because of practice and the others were due to excuses you're pretty sure he pulled out of his ass.

You wanted to text the group chat but figured you didn't want to add to the hatred your three best friends already had towards said male boy.

You didn't have any work to do, so for a change in sceneries you head to the local ice rink, the only possible place you think of as your second home.

Once entering, the scent of ice and water touch on the memories of your last summer. Yet you don't pay attention to the bittersweet feelings when the ice rink owner approaches you.

"Y/n! How have you been, it's been quite a while since I last saw you." She takes a good luck at you, admiring your smile in particular.

"I've been well, just busy with school and some other stuff."

"Well you know you're always welcome here and if you ever want your job back just say the word? You should head inside, there's only one other student in there." You nod your head and bid farewell while picking up a pair of ice skates and heading inside.

Too engrossed in the feeling of the ice under you as you open the gate to skate, you don't catch the boy staring at you.

"My, my do we meet again?" You glance up and find none other than Sunghoon with a smirk on his face.

"Hello to you too Sunghoon." You contemplate whether it be best to run off and come back later, but it's not like you could handle another disappointment.

"Jake never told me his girlfriend skates." You skate past him and keep going before choosing to answer.

"Yeah well I doubt he's talked about me at all. But if you don't mind I'd like to be alone." You try to get past him again but he blocks your view.

"I'm just trying to talk to you? I wanna get to know Jake's pink princess better." His ending comment was your last straw and you shove him, making him lose balance while you exit the rink. You miss his yells to come back and instead go into one of the waiting areas, throwing off your ice skates in frustration.

"Hey hey, I didn't mean to say anything bad "

"Fuck off Park Sunghoon." You say sternly, picking up your skates and trying your best not to cry in front of him.

"Hey, y/n look at me. I'm sorry." Sunghoon abruptly takes a hold of your shoulders and gets you to look at him in the eyes, noticing the guilt painted on his face.

"I know you didn't mean anything, I'm just tired and I hate hearing that name."

"Pink princess?" He questions.

"Exactly. I just want to be here in peace and do me another favor, please don't tell anyone you saw me here. No one can know okay?" Confused, he agrees but still can't help but feel bad for the tension from earlier.

"But on one condition." Sunghoon leaves the room and you choose to follow him up a flight stairs, considering that there's a possibility he could murder you then and there.

"That condition is for you to keep this a secret." He holds a key out and opens the door which leads to the area right above the skating rink for you to see on both sides.

"I thought the keys to this place were lost." You ask, amazed by the way all the skaters appear from your sight of view.

"They were, I figured if I knew a secret than you should too." He goes to the cabinet, and pulls out a sheet and some pillows for the both of you to sit.

"So, if we're on a secret basis, then tell me about yourself." You were surprised by his question to say the least, since most people could care less about any of your actual thoughts.

"Well what do you want to know? Aside from my utter hatred for the nickname?"

"Why don't you want to tell people you know how to skate? As an ice skater it's kind of offensive." He fakes being a pain letting you release a small laugh.

"I just think of this as my safe place. When all eyes are on you, there's not much you can do that isn't for yourself like ice skating and song writing."

"You write songs?" A small blush forms on your cheeks as you realize the accidental mention.

"Yeah, but they're not good. It's just my little world I guess, what about you?"

You turn the conversation towards him and find yourself rather entertained. There's a few serious moments, and others where Sunghoon is close to beating you up for teasing him showing a bit of his fangs in the process.

"Okay okay final question, why do you hate the color pink so much? And why do you let Jake talk you into it." You sigh looking at him with your pinky out.

"Pinky promise this stays between us? The only other people that know are my friends Giselle, Sunoo and Jungwon okay?" He agrees, and let's you continue.

"Well, when I was younger and my biological parents were still together, I caught my dad cheating on my mom with another woman in their bedroom. Later, my dad divorced my mom, got remarried and abandoned us to make a new family...the color the woman always wore was pink. Her lingerie was pink that day I caught them, when they got divorced I met her in the lobby in a pink dress and their wedding dress was also pink. Pink is to me a color of false promises, it's a symbol that love doesn't exist," you say honestly before answering his second question, "I wear pink because Jake said it's my best color or it's what he repeated often. I'm so pressured to be good enough that I make myself wear pink thinking it'll prove something. And that is pretty much everything there is to know."

"Thank you for trusting me y/n. And rest assured that everything is safe with me." He holds your hand and you became startled when his phone rings.

"My mom is calling me to come home. It's almost ten o clock." Your eyes widen as you confirm the hour, exiting the room instantly with Sunghoon.

"Hey sunghoon, thanks for listening." Sunghoon just smiles and hands you a sticky note.

"My number. I'm here anytime. We might only know each other for a day, but I can tell there's a lot more to you than meets the eye." He walks away and you head home, inputting his number almost instantly.

Maybe Park Sunghoon wasn't that bad.

------

taglist: @abdiitcryy @nyfwyeonjun @pinkhyunie @hobistigma

[narconfessions]

hiya thx making for your blog ~

if i could, i wanna confess this. my mother is generally terf-y and queerphobic, and lately i've been thinking to myself that i'd be better off if she was just dead sooner rather than "eventually, whenever she does naturally." she's got her fancy-job money and her fancy-job health care so she'll live to be fckin 90 ... this leads me to thinking "well, shit, that means i'm actually better off killing her myself, then i'd get her out of my life as soon as i want!!!1" it's just a thought, not a plan. and I for one think it's good that i thought it, cuz it conveys how terrible she makes me feel and how terrible she's treated me - forcing me in the closet and grooming me to be a people-pleaser and depend on her financially and so on... so, lol die ma! i guess this is all just to say sometimes ""terrible thoughts"" are a result of terrible treatment. not absolving my responsibility, but for me it's helped to see the cause-and-effect behind it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

oh yeah, i’ve felt like this about my abusive parents before too. thinking these kinds of things can be massively helpful in many cases, and i’m really sorry that your mom has been so horrible to you :/ i wish bad parents didn’t exist. childhood should never have to be something you recover from.

[marchtomydrums]

In the beginning 6

Alex Cabot X Casey Novak X Reader

Alex’s POV:

Today has been extremely long and I’m ready to go home. Walking into my office I see you sitting on the couch crying.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?” Your headshot up at my voice quickly drying your tears.

“Alex, sorry I thought you’d be in court. I just came in here for privacy.” You stuttered.

“Why are crying?” I ask sitting across from you holding your hands in mine. You shake your head “Jack fucking railed my ass today. He doesn’t think I’m cut out for this.”

Anger spikes in my body. How dare he? Seeing you hurt and crying because of his words pissed me off.

“I’ll kill him.”

“No Alex, I have to deal with this on my own.”

“But he’s wrong. He doesn’t see you every day as I do. You can do this y/n. He’s full of shit.”

You chuckle at my words squeezing my hands.

“Well, I appreciate that Alex but again I have to do this on my own. I just came in here to be alone. They’re vultures out there.”

“Yes, I’m all too aware. Either way, don’t let Jack or anyone else cause you to doubt yourself. Take it in stride and keep fighting. Understand me?”

“Yes. Thank you.” You lean in to hug me and I kiss the top of your head. As you pull back I can’t stop myself from taking your lips into mine. I don’t stop until my lungs burn for air regretfully I pull away. You lean your forehead against mine our breath mingling together. You stayed like that for a while until you calmed down.

“ Sorry.” You mumbled quietly to me as if you were embarrassed.

“It’s okay. We all have bad days.” I tell you.

“What time is it?”

“7:30 why?”

“Shit! I missed the bus. I’ll have to wait for the one at 9.”

“I can take you home or you can come back to the house with me.”

“I would but I have an appointment tomorrow and the office is closer to my apartment.”

“Okay, well I’ll drive you home.”

“It’s out of your way. I’ll be fine.”

“You think I’d leave you here?” I ask you.

“Get your stuff, I’ll drive you home.”

The drive there is quiet. I keep looking between you and the road trying to see if I can read your expressions. As we pull up I notice it’s not a very good neighborhood.

“This is where you live?”

“Yes.”

I put the car in park as you quickly lean over to peck my cheek and try to exit the car.

“Wait!” I say tugging your arm. You stop to look at me.

“Can I come up?”

“Do you want to?”

“Why wouldn’t I?��

“I don’t know. This place doesn’t really seem like your scene.”

I chuckle “let’s go up.”

Walking into the apartment I notice how small it is. The layout is similar to a studio and I’m sure you pay an arm and a leg for it.

“Well, this is it?”

I take a minute to look around. Even though it’s small you’ve made it cozy. My eyes are drawn to the photos on the wall.

“These are beautiful.”

“Thanks.”

I stop to see the blush across your face.

“Wait. Did you take these?”

“Yeah. “

“Y/n these are really good.”

“It’s just a hobby.”

I smile at you as I continue to look around.

“You have a nice book collection. You read a lot?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too. This your siblings?” I question holding the framed picture.

“Yeah, two sisters and my brother.”

“You close?”

“Yeah. But I don’t really see them much since I moved.” You say sadly.

“Umm, you should go. Casey is probably wondering where you are.”

“Casey’s visiting her mom tonight. I already told her where I was. She said she was going to call you later on.”

“Oh.”

“But if you want me to leave I can.”

“No.! I just I don’t know Alex, I don’t know how to do this with you.”

“Do what?”

“This! I mean one minute your nice and you want to spend time with me and the next you’re tearing my head off. I don’t know what to do here.”

I’m quiet for a minute processing what you just said. Mentally kicking myself for making you feel this way. Why can’t I just open up to you? Why do I feel like I need to be on guard all the time? I look over to see you watching me.

“I’m sorry. I’m trying. That’s why I came up here. I want to know more about you. I want to have what you and Casey have. I keep fucking it up.” I breathe out heavily.

“Alex, you don’t have to try so hard. I get being guarded but like I’ve said before I won’t make Casey choose. You really need to figure out what you want.”

“I want you.”

“Well, your actions speak louder than your words Alex,” you tell me as you're about to walk off. I grab your arm stopping your escape leaning in to kiss you gently on the lips.

“I want you,” I whisper against your lips. I can feel your smile.

“Let's watch a movie. And ill stay the night if that's okay.” I ask you trying to prove to you that I want this to work. You nod your head yes and we do just that. As much as id love to touch you and kiss I refrain. I want you to be ready and sure before we do anything. I want to be able to love you the way Casey loves you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today has been rather quiet around the office much to your surprise. Alex has you copying some documents and running flies from here to there. You're about to head back to your desk when you see Casey standing across the room. You walk up beside her and lean over to see what she's looking at. There's a girl in Alex’s office, she is young and pretty. The two are laughing as they talk oblivious to the world around them.

“Whose that?”

“Emma something, she wants a job here.”

“And flirting with Alex is going to help her to get it?” I ask Casey jealousy evident in my voice.

Casey chuckles “I guess she thinks so.”

“Hmmph.”

“Yup. I'm just watching.”

The two of you watched as Alex and Emma talked. Emma must be a comedian the way Alex is laughing. You roll your eyes at the laughter that rolls out of Alex’s chest. Casey seems indifferent about it until the girl's hand is on Alex’s shoulder. Her body tenses up for a moment.

“You know if she gets this job she’ll be

Alex’s right-hand man. You will answer to both of them. “

“So you're telling me I not only work for the Ice Queen but Malibu Barbie as well?”

Casey laughs “that's a good one! We should call her that.”

You roll your eyes at Casey as Alex and Emma are walking out of the office. You both smile at the girl as she walks by before making a beeline to Alex’s office.

“Can I help you two or do you just like watching me work?” Alex asked looking between the two of you.

“Does she work here now?” you asked sharply. Alex is taken back by your attitude and is quiet for a minute.

“Yes, she does. She starts tomorrow.”

“Hmmph. “

“Is there a problem?”

“Nope. Not at all. Do you need me?”

“Uhh no. You can take lunch if you want. I figured the three of us would go out.” Alex says looking at Casey for some sort of explanation.

“I’m actually meeting my brother he's in the city for two days. So I'll see y'all later,” you say walking out the door. Alex looks over at Casey shocked.

“What the hell was that about?”

“You were flirting with Emma.”

“No, I wasn't!”

“Looked that way to us.”

“So you're mad at me too?”

“Nah, you know better than to cheat on me.”

Casey tells her nonchalantly. Alex chuckled shaking her head as Casey walked out of the office swaying her hips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a week since Emma started and she's already on your last nerve. When she's not asking you to go fetch her coffee she's talking to you about how hot Alex is. You've already told Casey to get the bail money ready because you are about to lose it on Emma. Casey assured you that Emma isn't Alex’s type however, Alex hasn't said a word to you about it. All day long they spend talking to each other and laughing. Meanwhile, Alex barely pays you any attention unless it's to run files or get coffee.

It's late in the afternoon and almost everyone has gone for the day. Casey left early to stay with her mom for the night and you are supposed to be riding home with Alex. However, Emma is still in there talking her up. Finally, Emma is leaving but not before talking to you.

“Your still here?”

“Yup, I'm here when Alex is here so.”

“Oh yeah. She's great isn’t she?”

“Yup. She's something alright.”

“Do you know if she's dating anyone?”

“What?!”

“Alex. Is she seeing someone?”

You're looking for the words but it seems that Malibu Barbie has rendered you speechless.

“Umm.”

“I think I might ask her out. She's hot, god I bet she's good in bed too.”

Emma is going on and on and all you can do is just stare at her in disbelief.

“Anyways, I'll see you tomorrow bye. “

You sit there for a minute replaying her words in your head. Jealousy taking over your body. You shot up out of your chair and into the office slamming the door behind you. Alex jumps at the noise looking at you confused. She called your name but you ignore her as you make your way behind her desk. You pull her up on her feet and kiss her. Your tongue demanding access in her mouth. You grab her ass pulling her closer to you Alex moans in your mouth. You pull back with your lungs burning for air. You look up at Alex who still has her eyes closed.

“Your mine,” you tell her pulling her body into yours.

“I never said I wasn't,” Alex says confused.

“Emma wants to ask you out. She thinks you are hot and good in bed.”

“Well, she's not lying.” Alex chuckled.

“Your mine,” you growled.

Alex looks at you with a smile, her eyes are a darker shade of blue.

“I'm yours,” Alex says nodding her head as she leans in to kiss you once more. This kiss is slower this time. Pulling back you rest your forehead onto Alex’s trying to catch your breath.

“I want you, Alex.” you barely whisper.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Y/n if this is about Emma I promise you that was never going to be a thing. I'd never do that to Casey or You. “

“I know that. It just pissed me off that she was thinking about you like that.”

“So we don't have to do this if you aren't ready. I don't want you to feel obligated or regret it.” You smile at Alex’s words seeing just how sweet she could be. Brushing her hair behind her ears you can’t help but stare at her.

“You’re so beautiful.” Alex blushes at your comment.

“I want you and I know that if I changed my mind you’d still hold me tonight. But I want you Alex. I need you.”

Alex leans in to kiss you again grinning from ear to ear.

“Let’s go home.”

[malleux]

Running with the Wolves [4]

masterlist ; << | >>

-> Pairing: Yuri Leclarc x Fem!Reader

-> Modern!Au | Gang!Au | Enemies to Friends to Lovers

-> Word Count: ~1.3k

-> Warnings: Cursing, Inappropriate Jokes

-> Summary: You were just a normal college student, trying to find her way in a new place. You didn't mean to get caught up in the wrong crowd. You just wanted coffee, but now you're running with the wolves.

a/n: i actually lost my taglist and idk if the people on the previous chapters still want to be on it! so please, please, please, if you were on the original taglist and still want to be notified- or if you’re new and want to be notified of new chapters- send me an ask, a message, or a reply! these are the only two i can remember who wanted to be on it.

You were never a morning person. The idea of waking up before 9 was a nightmare to you- even 9 was a little too early for your liking.

When you woke up early for classes, you were grumpy. You had an attitude with everyone who approached you, even Ellie. Everyone knew not to mess with you in the mornings.

But here, standing in Yuri's bedroom at 7:30am, you had no place to get an attitude.

Hapi was knelt at the bedside, carefully helping her injured leader sit up. He winced slightly with every movement, obviously not wanting to show weakness in front of his teammates. Unfortunately for Yuri, though, his members weren't idiots. Even you could see the flinches and tight breaths that he harbored in his chest every time he had to move and quite frankly, it was pitiful.

Hiram's eyes hadn't left you from the moment you entered Yuri's room where they all had congregated. Hapi insisted on wrapping Yuri's bandage first to reach you what do you. You were thankful- you'd never played nurse before. Especially not to a gunshot wound.

The room was quiet. Tense. You could feel everyone's weariness as Yuri slowly laid back in the bed, once more hiding his pain. Hapi patted the blankets and stood up, facing you.

"If the wound starts bleeding again, reinforce it with some dry bandages. Don't take it off if it's not bleeding. If it is, don't take it off until it's done bleeding. Yuri's had enough wounds, unfortunately, so he can help you gauge those things. We cleaned the dirt and shit out last night, so you shouldn't have to worry too much about cleaning it. Just- don't run off again. Please."

You heard the exasperation in her voice and nodded. Rhys held his hand out to you- in it, a small flip phone. You took it cautiously, still not forgetting how the silent man sliced you yesterday, and fiddled with the piece of technology.

"It's a burner phone. We'll call you after visiting both the Blue Lions and Golden Deer to give an update. Afterwards, destroy it. If you need to contact us, there's one number in the contacts list. Text it and just say the code "9653". We'll call back on a public phone. Do not use any specific words that could give away anything. Be subtle in case someone's listening. I'm smart enough to figure out what you're saying." Hiram explained.

Sensing how you absolutely refused to look at, or even acknowledge, Hiram's presence, Hapi continued. "We're about to leave. This is your last chance to redeem yourself, so we hope that you'll make the right decision. Remember, Y/N, we're not going to hurt you."

You nodded, eyes flickering to Yuri's frame. He seemed almost child-like laying in the large king bed, his eyes half-lidded as he listened to his members speak. He met your gaze and you quickly looked away, watching as the Wolves filed out of the room.

Hapi placed her hand on your shoulder. "Yuri's a little difficult to get along with, but he has good intentions. Take care of him."

"Yeah!" Hiram cackled from the hallway, "Make it up to him. Make him some breakfast, give him some head- OW!"

Hapi shook her head. "There's plenty of food in the fridge. Don't order take-out, don't have any form of outside communication besides us. Don't go looking for your phone either, Hiram destroyed it."

"Wait- he what?!" You called out, but they were gone. The house was silent after Hapi had locked the doors completely. You turned to Yuri, who was still glaring at you. "Do you want breakfast?"

"I'd like to be with my team."

Your lips pulled into a tight line and you sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Alright, I'm sorry." When he quirked an eyebrow, you explained. "I- I didn't mean to shoot you. I was scared, and I meant for it to be just a warning shot. My hands were shaking and I didn't even aim. I didn't want to hit anyone."

Yuri stayed quiet, still analyzing your form as you played with your fingers. He looked rather cute, laying there with the soft comforter stopping just below his nose. Only his eyes and the top of his head peaked out, making him seem like a pouting child. A pouting child with a gun and years of combat experience, but a child nonetheless.

"I want pancakes."

☆ ☆ ☆

Hapi was right- there were an abundance of ingredients in the kitchen of the house, ready for you to use. But there was just one problem.

You had no clue how to make pancakes.

Flour, eggs, butter, and baking powder sat on the counter, untouched by your hands as you wracked your brain. You didn't have a phone to look up a recipe. Hiram would probably kill you if you used one of his computers. The flip phone was for emergencies only, and definitely didn't have any pancake recipes hidden in the notes section.

You sighed, deciding to grab a few measuring cups. Then, you stared at the ingredients again. While lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice a certain purple-haired asshole limping into the kitchen and plopping himself down at the table. He watched you for a moment.

"You know you actually have to cook, right? Pancakes don't just make themselves while you watch."

"Fuck-" You jumped and whipped around, the measuring cup flying out of your grip and landing on the floor. "What are you doing up? You need to be resting."

"Do you even know how to make pancakes?"

Your eye twitched. He was ignoring your questions. "I- Of course I do! Now go back to bed before your wound reopens. How did you even get up, anyways? Not even twenty minutes ago you were struggling to sit up."

"I'm a miracle boy. Now, make pancakes."

You huffed and faced your mess again. In a wild guess, you grabbed the measuring cup once more and reached for the milk carton. Two cups should be okay, right?

"You're doing liquids first? Interesting. That's not how my mother taught."

"Then tell me, Yuri, how did your mother make pancakes?" You seethed through your teeth.

The man only grinned and leaned his cheek against his palm. "I'm glad you asked. There's no harm in admitting you're clueless. First, do the dry ingredients. Flour, baking powder, all of that."

You're a dry ingredient, you bit back from saying. Yuri might not be in good shape to fight if you launched yourself at him from across the kitchen, but you didn't miss the glint of the handgun that rested against his hip. The same one you had used to shoot him.

“Now put in the eggs and milk and shit.” Yuri gave you more measurements and ingredients and soon enough, you had pancakes on a plate and were serving them to the charity case that sat across from you at the table. He was quiet as he ate, and to you the tense silence was unbearable. You had to break it.

“These are good- you said your mom taught you how to make them like this? What was she like?” You flinched at the look Yuri gave you, immediately regretting asking.

“She was the one person in my life who I could just be myself around. Not Yuri, the leader of the Ashen Wolves, not Yuri, the man who’s killed more than his members combined, just Yuri, her son. My mom was the best woman to ever exist.” He spoke intensely, and you could see just how much he loved her.

“Was?”

“She- she’s missing.” Yuri closed his eyes and placed his fork down, standing up. “I’m going back to bed. Uh, thanks.”

You nodded and began gathering the plates together, bringing them to the sink to wash them. You were fully aware that Yuri had stopped in the doorway and was observing you as you cleaned. He cleared his throat.

“And Y/N. Just so you know, none of us chose this life. We’re all in the Wolves for a reason. We’ve all got our own goals and plans. Don’t be quick to judge.”

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

taglist: @dimitrimidim @emperor-pizza

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[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty

Words: 3.1K

Warning(s): Explicit language, substance abuse, verbal abuse

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My dad always used to tell me, "wisdom is being young enough to get away with doing something stupid, but still knowing better."

I never paid any attention to it because I didn't have any stupid decisions lined up at the age of eight. Or thirteen. Or sixteen...I guess because I never experienced the art of bad decision making and their damnable consequences, all of that pent up stupidity broke loose when I was seventeen and didn't slow down until I was in my thirties.

Young enough to get away with doing something stupid…

"What the hell are you thinking, Duff?" His older brother yells.

I'm listening with my ear pressed to the door, waiting in the hallway outside of Duff's apartment...trying not to be too mortifiedly embarrassed. 

"Matt, it's—"

"—You're fooling around with a married woman, Duff, I know exactly what it is!" He yells. 

"They're getting divorced, Matt, alright? It's not like I'm-I'm just sleeping with her for the hell of it!"

"She's getting out of a six year relationship and getting a divorce at twenty-three, Duff, don't you fucking think the reasonable thing for you to do is back off and let her actually process that before having sex with her?!" 

"It's not like I'm taking advantage of her! I'm not! She loves me—"

"—She's lost! She's vulnerable! She's confused! She'd fall in love with any bone head that was a good guy right now!" He shouts at him. "What are you thinking, Duff? I mean, honestly, what the hell are you fucking thinking?" 

"I-I don't know!"

"What the fuck happens if the media gets ahold of this? If mom finds out that her son is getting hot n' heavy in cars in dark parking lots with a married girl!"

It's quiet for a second.

"I would explain that they're getting divorced, and—"

"—Bullshit. You know what she'd say? 'Married is married until divorce is finalized'." He states. 

"I think mom would be pretty understanding, Matt. I don't think she'd judge me like you are or try to talk me out of it."

"You sound like dad right now, you know that? Just fucking like him." He cuts. "And it's bullshit because I know you aren't anything like dad which is why I'm so stumped right now." 

"It's not that big of a deal." Duff argues. 

"Has she filed yet?" Matt asks next, not skipping a beat. 

"W-What?" 

"Has he filed yet? Have they filed yet?" 

"I don't know—it's not my fucking business." 

"So you're just sleeping with her and you don't even know if they're even splitting up at this point? Of course not because she probably doesn't even know what she wants!" 

"She told me she's gonna divorce him." Duff tells him, certainty in his tone. 

"Well, actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words, don't they?" Matt fires at him.  

...but still knowing better.

The door opens quickly and I pretend I wasn't listening, taking a few steps back as Matt storms out, giving me a second glance before walking down the hallway to the stairs.

I peek into the apartment to see Duff pacing, not paying any attention to me still being out here. 

I take a breath before heading after him. 

"Matt," I say when I get to the parking lot as he goes to his car, "wait."

"You don't owe me an explanation about it, sweetheart, it's between me and my brother." He tells me calmly, getting into his car. 

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I ask him, catching my breath, before he can close the door. 

He looks at me for a second. 

"Do you? Or a wife or a boyfriend or something?" 

"I have a girlfriend." He tells me. 

"How long have you been with your girlfriend?"

"Like, almost a year, now." He replies, not seeing the point of telling me this. 

"I bet you're really good to your girlfriend, Matt." I say, and he slowly catches on, sighing a little. 

"I try to be."

"Nikki wasn't good to me. For years. While he was killing himself with drugs, he was killing me with how he treated me and how he acted and when you really love somebody you sit and make excuses for them to make however they're killing you seem justified, and it's not. It never is." I explain, a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. "And you don't realize it until one day you're watching a woman you loved and trusted tell the world she's been having an affair with your husband. And then those rose lenses shatter and it's clear. You've spent years of your life giving everything to someone who would probably trade you for an ounce of smack if he ran out." I sniffle. "I really loved him, and you're right, I do still love him. I do. But I also know I'd rather die than willingly throw myself back into that hell. I haven't filed yet, but I am going to when he gets back from Japan. And I do love Duff, and he's a very, very good man. I don't know the situation with you guys' father and it's not my business, but whoever and whatever your dad is...your brother is the farthest thing from it. And I know you are, too, just from the way Duff's always spoke of you and your siblings. I'm sorry for the trouble, and I know you're just trying to look out for him, but you need to be proud of him. Not for what you saw earlier, but just for the fact he's a really great person in a city filled with selfish pricks. You need to be proud of him, and he needs to hear that you're proud of him." 

He lets out another breath, processing what I'm saying, nodding again. 

"Have a good night." He mumbles to me, shutting the door, and I let out a breath and head back upstairs, seeing Duff stopped pacing and eventually just plopped onto the couch. 

He looks at me when I come back in, his eyes sad, a solemn look on his face. 

"I'm sorry if you heard any of that." He says to me and I sit down on the couch beside him. 

"It's okay. He's just trying to look out for you, you know?" 

"I know but he doesn't even know the half of it." He sighs. "And I'm not acting like my dad because if I were I'd be sleeping with anything in a skirt and leaving my wife to deal with my eight kids. 

He tells me lowly, hurt in his voice. 

I try to find the humor in it, nudging his side. 

"You have a wife and eight kids?" I ask, smiling a little and he looks at me, his lips tugging at the corners. 

"No," his lips crack the smallest of smiles for a moment, "but even if I did I wouldn't treat them like shit." He adds. 

My hand comes up to discreetly brush against my stomach. 

"Your brother just wants the best for you." I tell him.

"Who cares? It's not his or anybody else's business." He replies, leaning back, rubbing his forehead. 

"I love you." I offer, hoping the words make him relax a little. 

He huffs out a breath, finally looking at me, his hand grabbing mine, pressing it to his lips.  

I did love him, just not the way I thought I did. I mean, when I was in love with Nikki, it was evident to everybody. I looked at him like I worshipped the ground he walked on—because I nearly did. With Duff, people had to ask me whether I really loved him or not. I always thought it was because we were moving so fast that it seemed abnormal, but in photos when Duff and I were together it was obvious he and I had no fucking clue what we were doing. We were happy with each other, and loved each other, but it was like we both subconsciously knew we weren't going to workout. At least we eventually accepted it. 

I could've divorced Nikki, eventually married Duff, anyway, and made the same bizarre decision that Tansy and Axl made to divorce twice before finally getting married a third time, years later, when their shit was together—because even if Duff and I did get married, we wouldn't have made it through the early 90s.

A couple mornings later, I'm going back to my house since the coast is clear from Nikki since he left for Japan. 

Checking the mail, I furrow my brows as I'm sorting through the bills, randomly seeing an envelope with my name on it. 

I take the mail inside and open my letter.

"What the hell?" I mumble, looking at a couple hundred dollar bills.

Then it hits me. 

"Hello?" Karen's voice on the other end of the phone, chipper as ever. 

"Why the hell am I getting sketchy money from Elektra?" I ask. 

"It's from 'Wild Side', Viv." She explains. "Because Nikki credited you as one of the writers, remember? They couldn't write you a check because it's under the table." She adds. 

"Under the table?" 

"To avoid—"

"—Well, I don't want it." I state. 

"Viv, you're getting a divorce. I'd keep every dime I could, honestly." She advises. 

"Karen, that's no…" I trail off, my mind running a mile a minute, piecing it together. "What time is it in Japan?" 

"Uhm, like, 2:00a.m. maybe?"

"Where are they staying?" 

"Vivian—"

"—I need to talk to Doc. Where are they staying?" 

I didn't want to talk to Doc. Don't ask me how I managed to harass my estranged husband from 16 time zones away, but, I did.

"You knew you were gonna divorce me, you piece of shit, that's why you credited me so I'd get money to cover divorce court!" I accuse viciously. 

"I don't fuckin' know what you've been smoking, Vivian, but you sound insane right now!" He fires back. 

"What I've been smoking? What the fuck have you been smoking, Nikki?! Huh?!"

"Have you been sleeping, Vivian?! You're being fucking psychotic!"

"I'll get on a flight and show you fucking psychotic, asshole, you set me up and then left the fucking country!"

"I credited you as a joke—I didn't think they'd actually take it serious and send you part of the royalties!" 

"Bullshit! You and Vanity planned for her to tell everybody about your bullshit with each other, knowing I'd leave you and file for divorce so you could be together!" 

"If I was that fucking mean, Vivian, I wouldn't have credited you so you wouldn't have gotten paid shit, you crazy bitch!" He insists. "And take your goddamn medication!" 

He hangs up and I roll my jaw before throwing the phone.  

I could've killed him had I felt like flying to Japan.

"Then he tells me I'm being psychotic!" I vent to Izzy over the sound of the vacuum. 

"Well, were you?!" He asks me and I cut the vacuum off. 

"No, I wasn't. I just called him out on his bullshit because he loves to think I'm stupid."

"What exactly did you say to him?" 

"That he credited me so I'd get money, that I'd probably put toward paying for a divorce."

"That's not too bad." He furrows his brows a little. 

"Exactly. Not to mention the fact I know he's still seeing Vanity and the whole plan was to tell the world they were engaged, knowing I'd leave him, so they could finally publicly be together." 

He looks at me funny, before asking, "d-did you tell him that?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, you lost me, Viv."

"What?"

"That's complete bullshit." He states. 

"How?" 

"How? Viv, the man is on a horse-sized dose of heroin on a daily basis—and the crack he would smoke with Vanity—do you think either of them had the energy or mental compacity to conduct a plan like that?" 

"They had the energy to fuck each other, so, my perception of how much they were able to do under the influence has no limits at this point." I argue. 

"I think pregnancy has you cuckoo  for cocoa puffs." He mumbles. 

"Izzy, I'm being serious." I hiss. 

"I am, too, Viv." He tells me. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a complete asshole, but I just don't see Nikki high as a fucking kite coming up with this elaborate plan to leave you so he can be with his side piece while simultaneously deciding he wants you to be financially stable enough to withstand a divorce. He's a mean fucker. If he wanted to leave you, he would tell you to fuck off and file the same day without giving a flat fuck if you could afford it or not." He says. "And he's not seeing Vanity. There's no way she'd keep her mouth shut if they were still together." 

"She managed to keep her mouth shut about it for over a year." I grumble. 

"Yeah, because she was probably hoping he'd leave you for her." 

I stop what I'm doing and look at him. 

"Do you think he would've if she didn't tell everybody about it?" I ask next. 

"I don't know, Viv." He answers honestly. 

"Would you?" 

He glances at me, serious for a moment, before the hint of a smile tugs at his lips. 

"Never in a million years." He says and I smile a little. "Would you leave me for Duff?"

I pretend to think for a second. 

"Depends on who's better in bed." I reply with the response I expected from him and he just blinks at me. 

"Fuck you." He says and I laugh, eventually getting quiet, really thinking about what I said the last time we spoke. 

"I'm not gonna do that to Duff." I say to him and he just looks off for a second. 

"What made you change your mind?" 

"He really loves me, Izzy." 

"Yeah, he does." He shifts on his feet. 

"Do you think...like, if him and me stay together…" I don't have to finish it, he already knows where I'm going. 

"I think it'll be great for the first several months because it always is." Izzy replies. "But once the new wears off and things get more clear…" 

"...Yeah."

NIKKI 

"Jesus fucking Christ."

I beat the phone against the wall so the crazy bitch can't call here again. 

"Two o'clock in the morning and she's making a long distance call just to gnaw my balls over something I didn't even fucking do? And bringing Vanity back up? What the fuck's her problem? 

So, she got money for her credit, oh well. Plenty of people wouldn't necessarily mind seeing a couple hundred dollars for them in their mailbox but of course her ungrateful ass can't even be thankful for it." I hiss to myself pacing my room. "Cunt." I add, grabbing my bottle of wine from the TV stand, taking a big swig of it. 

"Fuck her." I state next. "Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her...fuck," I take my wedding band off and throw it at hard at I can at the mirror in the corner of the room, on the wall, "her!" I yell when it makes impact, taking a step back, and another, falling flat on my ass. 

I don't have the energy to get up, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling. 

Just like my dad. 

Just like my mom.

She just fucking left me...and I made her. 

"Fuck her." I refuse to admit aloud it's my fault because it's not.

Sure, I fucked Vanity, I cheated on her first, but that doesn't give her the excuse to do the same to me. 

"Fuck her." I repeat again.

I kept trying to convince myself I hated her. The truth was I hated myself, and was just trying to get that frustration out by turning on her. 

It was easy to do when I imagined her under Duff while I was across the world, suffering, telling myself repeatedly she didn't give a shit about me.

She was probably thinking of me under a random groupie the entire time I was gone, and I don't blame her. I stayed under random groupies any other time, so why would Japan be any different? Especially after she and I were separated and had no obligations to each other.

I didn't have sex in Japan, honestly. I couldn't. I was too fucked up. I would try to, but it just wouldn't go over too well. My body was give out from abuse, my hands were scabbed from picking, my skin ate up with track marks, my face was sallow. 

Fans would tell me they were worried I had the flu and I'd laugh it off and promise I was okay, then go to my room and stay locked in there until I absolutely had to leave. 

I was on smack, constantly, to the point I wasn't even high but just shooting smack as maintenance, which served as a good excuse when a big magazine reporter came to Japan to talk to me and the guys about the tour and when the topic of Vanity came up…

I try to keep from rolling my jaw as the loser starts his question cautiously, testing the waters to see if I'm going to cut him off and tell him to ask another question or fuck off, or if I'm okay with it. 

I remember Vivian's bullshit idea about me and Vanity wanting her to find out about the affair so she'd leave and we could be together. 

Why the fuck would I go through that much shit just to be with someone like Vanity? 

Leaving Vivian to be with Vanity is like leaving the frying pan to hop into the fire dick-first. 

With this in mind as, "so, who is she to you?" finally leaves his mouth in reference to Vanity, pen in hand, ready to jot my answer and spread it around America the second it leave my lips, I pretend to think for a moment, and finally reply, "she was my fiancée." 

[bozowrites]

My Brain Just Won’t Shut Up

Imagine

↳ When your brain just won't be quiet and his comfort is all you needed.

Pairing: Kirishima Eijirou × Fem!Reader

TW: Anxiety kinda

Word Count: 1.9k

My mind won't quiet itself. It never stops shouting. I can hear their laughs. Their mocking words and threats.

I shifted in my bed again, trying to find a comfier spot. Maybe it'd quiet the voices in my head. It was almost five in the morning and I couldn't find myself in the blissfulness of sleep. Instead, I lay in bed, wide awake.

"Hey, Loser."

"You're so stupid and weak."

"Why are you still here?"

"No one loves you. Even your mom left you."

My mind won't quit. The events of the past kept popping up. Embarrassing moments, dumb things I'd done, mean things people have said and so on.

I felt tears fall down my cheeks and past the bridge of my nose. I just wanted it to stop. I don't want to remember. I curled myself into a ball, covering my ears as I whispered to myself, "Shut up." Over and over again. Nothing seemed to make it stop.

It was a never-ending battle.

The only pro in this disaster is the fact it was Saturday. I could sleep till three in the afternoon if I pleased. That was if I could fall asleep.

I let out a shaky breath as I sat up and rubbed my eyes free of tears. The room was dark, except for my nightlight in the corner outlet and the dim sunrise light coming through my closed blinds. I let my feet carry me to the door and down the corridor to the elevator.

Perhaps a drink of water would help. Or a snack. Something to occupy me.

As I left the elevator, I cursed at the loud ding. Rather annoying. I heard the clatter of dishes being moved and the small curses accompanied with it. Peering over to the kitchen space, I found a shadow in the low light of the sunrise scavenging through the cupboards.

"Hello?" I questioned. The shadow jumped, knocking over the cup beside them. "L/n?" Kirishima's red hair came to my view. I smiled slightly. "Hey. What are you doing up so early?" I asked, walking over to help with the small mess of water made after the cup fell over.

"Uh, I was a little thirsty. Thought I'd get some water. What about you?" I avoided his gaze and shrugged. "Same here." Though it wasn't the full truth, it wasn't a full lie. I was a little thirsty.

And hungry.

"Ah, okay." I grabbed my own cup of water and an orange and walked over to the table to sit. Kirishima soon joined, sitting right beside me. I smiled over to him and sipped at my water.

"What are your plans for today?" he asked, letting his cup clink against the table. "Uh, nothing much. Do some studying, maybe, What about you?" He smiled wide. "I was hoping to have a movie marathon tonight with the squad."

"Sounds fun. Which series are you guys planning to watch?" I asked as I peeled my orange. "You guys? Are you not coming?" I chuckled. "I thought you said it was the squad. I'm not part of the bakusquad, last I checked. I'm a loner in between everyone else's gangs."

Kirishima let a small whine out. His lips pouted out and his eyes teared up. Fake tears, of course. "I-I thought you were apart of our squad! L/n? Do you not love us?" I laughed. I loved small moments like these. "Of course I do! How could I not love you guys? I just didn't think I was part of it."

"Well, you are. Deal with it." Kirishima pouted his lips out and giggled. "Okay, okay, I surrender. I'm part of the oh-so-amazing bakusquad." Kirishima laughed lightly. "Well I'm gonna head back to bed. See you later, L/n." I waved goodbye as he left to his side of the building.

I sighed. This was nice.

It was already five in the evening. I had gotten in five hours of sleep after my conversation with Kirishima. He let my mind drift to more fun, better moments in my life. I even got an hour-long nap before diner. I had a strange dream during that hour, though.

My father told me a man was crushed to death by an overly large baby. Weird.

Now, I sat in Ashido's dorm room on her bed as we prepared to watch a bunch of our favourite movies. Kirishima sat beside me on the bed sharing a blanket with Bakugou on his other side (It was a miracle he was here). Denki, Ashido and Sero shared a few blankets and pillows on the floor in front of the bed.

"What movie first?" Sero asked. "Doesn't matter to me," Kirishima said. "Mine first!" Denki shouted, going to play his movie on Ashido's computer. "Please don't be anything stupid," I muttered. "Don't worry, Cutie! It's a great action, car chasing type movie. Very funny."

"Cutie? The fuck? Who you talking to?" I snickered. He smirked at me. "Well, of course, the finest woman in this room." I chuckled. "Mina, he's talking to you." She blushed, laughing. "You sure? I think it's you. I mean, have you seen yourself? You're a total hottie!"

I laughed. "She's right, you know," Kirishima whispered. I giggled bashfully. "Well, guess I should say you're pretty hot too," I whispered back, smiling at him.

"Shut the fuck already! Do your flirting elsewhere." Bakugou grumbled. I giggled sheepishly. "Sorry, Sparky. Anyways, on with the movie!"

The third movie came to an end. I was wrapped in a burrito-like blanket barrier. I munched on chips as I watched the credits. "That was good," Sero stated, yawning. "but I'm exhausted. Anyone wanna go to sleep now?"

Bakugou had left after the second movie, so Ashido had joined us on the bed. "I could go for some shut-eye! I need my beauty sleep, you know." She said and leaned into me, sneaking a few chips from my bag. Rude. "Why don't you guys stay the night, just for the hell of it? A slumber party!"

"That's genius," Denki mumbled. I shook my head. "Iida will be all over us when he finds out." Denki groaned. "What's the worst that could happen? There's five of us. What would we do? Have a fivesome?" I snorted.

"Or cause a hell load of trouble and noise, waking up all of Japan and maybe be the reason the world ends." Denki glared. "That's a little excessive." I shrugged. "It could happen."

"Come on! Please! It'll be fun!" I sighed. "Okay, okay. I'm in."

"I'm in too!"

"Me three."

"Me four."

"Yes! Should we get Bakugou?" I huffed. "He'd kill us in his sleep. And I highly doubt he'll want to." I pointed out. "I'll still ask." Kirishima said. "So kind." I muttered. He chuckled.

"He said no." He stated after a few minutes. I laughed. "Called it." Ashido raised from the bed. "Well, if you guys are staying the night, I need to go do my nightly routine first. I'll be right back. L/n, coming with?" I growled. "I'm comfy, though."

She giggled, trying to unwrap me from my burrito blanket. "No! Stop! Mina!" I let out whines as she dragged me from the warmth of the bed and blankets. "It's so cold!"

"You're such a baby."

It was well past three in the morning and the other four had already gone to sleep.  

Denki snored from his spot on the floor with Sero. Ashido was on her bed puffed out in a starlike position. Kirishima was beside me, a bit of drool falling from his mouth. I giggled. The light from the pink lamp illuminating his face nicely.

"So cute," I whispered. I pushed away a stray hair from his closed eyes and sighed. He's so beautiful. "L/n?"

I shrieked in surprise as Kirishima's eyes cracked open. Kirishima shushed me quickly. "You'll wake up the others!" I glanced around and sure enough, the others shifted in their sleep, though none of them showed signs of being awake.

"What are you doing up?" He asked in a whisper, sitting up. "Couldn't sleep." I shrugged. After rubbing his eyes and giving a yawn, he stared me down. "Why are you staring?" I asked, feeling myself become self-conscious.

"Wanna talk about it?" I raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?" He gave a warm and gentle smile. "L/n, I'm dumb but I'm not stupid. I can see you're clearly bothered by something. You've been tired a lot more these days. I almost started mistaking you for Mr. Aizawa."

I muffled a giggle behind my hand. "I'm not that bad, am I?" The redhead nodded. "You still look cute, though." I blushed. "You really wanna know?" Kirishima's hand rubbed my thigh slowly in a show of comfort. I placed my hand on his and leaned closer to his body. I want his warmth.

He gently grabbed my arm and placed them around his waist. I did the same with my other arm and fell into his chest. His hands rubbed slow circles onto the small of my back now. His body radiated warmth and comfort. I could smell his shampoo from the shower he had yesterday. His breath tickled my neck as he dipped his head into the crook of my neck.

"Take your time." He said against my skin. The contact sending a small shiver down my spine. The things he does to me.

"My brain won't shut up," I said quietly. I eyed the three others in their spots. Denki pulled Sero into his arms and let out a small snore. Those two were only friends, but they had more chemistry than my aunt and uncle.

"What is it saying?" Kirishima asked. I sighed. Maybe it's time to confine to him about my troubles.

"It's shouting about every mistake I've made." Kirishima's hold tightened on my waist and his breath tickled my ear as he whispered, "Everyone makes mistakes, you know. It's okay. You should have told me sooner. I'd stop everything I'm doing to help you."

I let out a small cry. "I'm sorry." My heart was loud in my ears. I've wanted him to hold me close like this for so long, but not in this type of situation. "Don't be." I leaned in more (if that was possible) and tightened my grip on him. It was a miracle none of the others woke up.

My tears stopped and I pushed back from his embrace. "Didn't realize I needed to vent that out." I laughed quietly, relieved. "I'm happy to help. Whenever, wherever." I caressed his cheek. He leaned into my touch and smiled a toothy grin. 

My heart pounded in my chest. His gentle gaze and warm smile was so comforting and beautiful and perfect.

"You're beautiful," I whispered, almost too quiet even for myself to hear.

"Not as beautiful as you."

[kyunsies]

madch madch <3 hello love!

how are you my love :D YAY I'M SO HAPPY YOUR COLD IS GONE OMG!! Do you feel properly better now? the sleep nose cloggs is the worst, i'm super glad it's gone for you.

YES for a whole month - like it makes me miss summer holidays when i was a kid and you could take the time off like that. do you ever feel like you didn't appreciate that stuff like when you were a kid? like being able to have long sleeps and stuff or just running about the mall with no consequence? we really do have the same situation going on! i just want to be able to buy my mum a better house and a better car and nicer holidays and stuff? like that small stuff which sounds a bit boring but like, idk that means more to me than the overly flashy stuff? like i'd love to be a mum one day but seeing how much my mum does sometimes i'm like... IDK if I could hack it you know?

ah wow ok! my school i really get what you say about catholic guilt as it's super similar from my cultural influences as well? YES like, it's bad to think too well of yourself, or just that you shouldn't do it? or you're gonna end up inviting bad things if you do think too much of yourself? i get really confused about it sometimes. like - almost like there's a difference between self love and thinking too well of yourself? and i can appreciate myself without ever thinking i'm too good at something etc? does that make sense? idk i'm worried about self love it if means it makes my ego bad and over arrogant and all that stuff? I GET YOU tho - it is that line between contentment and like feeling yourself to the point it's ... ick? it's hard isn't it?

THAT FACT STEALING TOILET PAPER WAS YOU USING BAD LANGUAGE omg do you see what i mean you are just so so so so pure of heart and sweet and thank you for being so kind <3 are you looking forward to going back to uni in some ways? or is it all general *internal screaming*? remember you're mega and amazing <3

omg we literally had a HUGE HEARTWAVE to the point where I have so many bites everywhere - i'm glad you've had a bunch of sun but YAY TINY TINY SQUAD!!!!!!! I AM 5'1" so yay to us being tiny together <3 I am always the tiny one too! i used to hate it but i like my height more now - and like the fact i can fit into kids stuff on sale? or like shoe sizes not being a problem? but then sometimes the sizing is a bit weird like you said before! YOU GET IT WITH THE BF JEANS. It is a neverending quest RN. I've figured out the size I can really get for them but so few stores make it :/ we will see how this saga unfolds. do you lampshade a lot with clothes? i find i always end up doing that even if i don't mean to haha XD

OKAY SO JO MALONE I like the smell of pomegrante noir but IDK if I'd wear it but the lime and basil is another fave of mine. I just really really don't like musky smells I'm with you with the citrus! like, stuff that reminds me of summer and fresh stuff? musk makes me feel like i'm walking into like a noughties teen clothing store i just can't hasjdakshd. like i hate lynx smells? WHY DO BOYS WEAR IT?

AHHHH OMG ok mutual blue moon love YES HELLO <3 <3 <3 I ADORE lofi jazz garage I honestly die/simp for that sound. like they dabbled a bit more with those vibes in OOAK and that's why I loved the new album so much I guess? just so so so beautiful. i just wanna drown in like the sounds of moonlight and suggestions of other things by candlelight or long city drives? does that make sense? ugh LOVE IT. getting up in my feels here hahahajsdkhasda

YAY HI TO YOUR MOM <3 I hope she's having a beautiful beautiful day too and that's getting rest as well! never worry about getting back to me late, I know you're so busy and that's always okay, love you lots and lots <3 <3 <3

-💥xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MY BEST PAL <33 hello my sweet, how have u been doing these days? i know i must sound like a record on repeat, but i miss you all the days that i don't hear from you, i'm always thinking about how you are doing ;____;

but YES after like ,,,,,,2 and a half weeks of being sick with the cold i am FINALLY over it :') it's not so much the stuffy nose during the daytime that annoys me it was the freaking clogged nose at night for the love of GOD i hate breathing with my mouth open it's so gross ;___; and sore throats ......... honestly i wouldn't wish a sore throat on my worst enemy lol like i'd rather have the flu for 2 days than a sore throat for a whole week ldkfjsdkf i'm such a baby <3

about being on holiday as a kid LOL IT WAS !!!!! the absolute best time !!! i know at some point we need to be functioning human beings in society lol but honestly at the age of like 13 where ur too young to work but u can't drive yourself anywhere ?? it's the best time (besides the driving part lol) bc you literally do not have one ounce of responsibility it's so great ;____; it's good to work and help ppl but i miss that too ....... and about our experiences with our single moms !!! pls this is all i want for her lol ; like u said nothing overly flashy but once i'm established i would like for her to live comfortably without being at the hands of someone else so i wouldn't mind like buying her a nice apartment ;____; when she was younger she traveled all the time and once i was born she coudn't do that with me bc she simply didn't have the money so she's always telling me after i graduate we should take a little trip to europe or go out west :( i think that would be so great :(((

OH GOOD OLD CATHOLIC GUILT LOL listen ..... there are a lot of things that the catholic church has done in the past that i don't agree with at all and stuff but ;____; i'm still grateful in some aspects bc my moral compass is like . a super big part of my life and it guides me to lead me away from decisions that aren't the best for me lol and i'm really grateful again for my mom for sending me to catholic school all these years :') and i think it's good to have this sense of humbleness (i hate ppl that are so boastful about themselves like truly no one cares sdjfslkf) but i do agree that catholic guilt can sometimes be a hinderance like i keep on saying i wish i had at least one ounce of self dignity SDLKFJ idk like u said it's a fine line between being humble and having no self worth :') i guess at the end of the day u need ppl surrounding u who make u feel like u are worth something and that it's okay to think positively about urself <3

honestly babe no ,,,,,, i'm not looking forward to going back to my final year of uni at all ;____; i don't know when i got like this but nursing school has literally scarred me to the point where i'm so anxious to even finish this year :( the ICU, my preceptorship, exams, finding and landing a job successfully before i graduate ???? i want it to all be over with so quickly but i'm so nervous for the future ahead of me ;____; will i get to where i am meant to be ???? i'm going to sOB IM NOT READY FSKDJFDS .............................

YAY TINY SQUAD LOL SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS !!!!!!! everyone on here is like boo hoo i'm 5'3 and im like ?????? ur inching near normal height shut up ?? SDKFJ :') truly shopping is so hard literally u can kill pants every fitting u perfectly unless u hem them and omg ??? pls explain to me what lampshading is LOL I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT TERM BEFORE ?? :o !!!!!!!!! but also yes almost all of my sneakers are kids shoes LOL JOKES ON TALL PPL WE CAN GET THEM FOR CHEAPER <3

and about jo malone !!!!!!!!!!! the lime and basil one i've had my eye on it omg !!!!!!! bc i love love the smell of basil :) i'm actually visiting my grandparents this weekend and we are going to the mall so i'm going to finally pick up a new scent !!! i've literally had the one i told u about for 2 years LOL but i also agree everyone loves musky scents for some reason but i don't lsdkfjs i feel like those heavy scents "weigh me down" ????? do u feel that way too? it's hard to explain :')

ALSO OMG OKAY you are my blue moon ride or die now <3 have never met a mbb yet who loves blue moon as much as i do LOL it's just *mwah* perfection ........... absolute perfection like it fits all moods its fresh its lowkey it's perfect and YES YES i felt heaven kinda had the same vibe ??? not so much the dark garage jazz sound but more of the light and airy garage jazz sound LKDFJS i know that sounds dumb but it's lighter and happier but has that same lofi sound i'm obsessed with <3

okay bubbie but YEAH mom and i are healthy now we are in good spirits and we are hanging in there !! again i'm sorry for getting back so late hun really i always want to respond right away but like i always say quality over any short answer hhhh <3 i hope u have a lovely rest of the week if i don't hear from u soon okay? always sending love and hugs xxxxxxxxx !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

[the-fangirl-way]

3: Blush

I stood there in shock, my mind racing, my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest.

"H-Harry, what..what are you doing here?" I finally asked, my mouth catching up with my mind.

"I got bailed out." He said casually as if we were talking about the weather rather than how he had gotten out of prison.

"Bailed out? Your bail bond was set at two hundred thousand.." I said and he nodded.

"Who..what..."

"My father bailed me out, are you going to let me inside?"

"Wha- I don't think that's a good idea-" I started but he pushed past me inside the apartment.

"It's freezing out there." He said plopping down on the couch.

"Nice place."

"Harry you can't just be here, in my apartment, I could get in trouble.. Oh God." I said realizing at any minute Tristan would arrive and there was no telling how he'd react to finding Harry in my apartment.

"Relax, I'm just here to talk." He said crossing his ankle over his leg.

"Harry no really, you can't be here." I emphasized and at that moment the door buzz went off again.

"Are you expecting company?" He asked raising an eyebrow. "Who is it?"

I ignored him and pushed the button.

"Uh, hold on one second." I said into the speaker.

"Avery? Everything alright?" Tristans voice asked and Harry's expression changed from a smirk to an irritated glare.

"Officer Dick Head? You invited him here?" He asked, narrowing his eyes. "Oh my God, are you two fucking?" He asked then and I widened my eyes.

"Harry! That's none of your business! You've got to go!" I said grabbing his wrist to pull him up but he protested.

"No, I want to stay, thank you."

"Well you can't stay!" I said irritated.

"You've got to- oh you can't go down stairs he'll see you! Hide in my bedroom!" I said pushing him to the stairs.

"You've got to be fucking kidding." Harry protested irritably.

"No Harry I'm not, you hide and I'll get rid of him." I said and in a flash his expression changed from irritated to cocky again.

"Okay." He agreed before retreating up the stairs.

My heart was pounding wildly and I couldn't control my breathing.

What the hell was I going to do?

Thinking quickly I pulled my hair up into a messy bun, ruffled my clothes and grabbed a blanket, wrapping it around myself.

"Come up." I said weakly into the buzzer and within seconds I heard a knock on the door.

"Tristan." I said opening the door and instantly felt like the worst person on the entire planet.

He was dressed in a nice button up dress shirt, a pair of nice jeans and boots. His five o'clock shadow was shaved and he was holding a bottle of wine with a ribbon around it in one hand, and a bag of takeout in the other.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his eyes filling with concern.

I wanted to go upstairs and punch Harry in the jaw for doing this to me, ruining my night with Tristan.

"I- I think I'm coming down with something, I've been throwing up all evening." I lied, hoping it sounded convincing enough.

His face dropped and I instantly felt a million times worse.

"Oh."

"I'm so sorry, I was going to call you about five minutes before you showed up." I said trying to sound sincere.

"No, it's fine. I understand, you can't help being sick." He said dismissingly.

"I really am sorry. I'll call you tomorrow?" I offered and he smiled a small smile.

"Sure, yeah, okay."

I reached up and kissed him on the cheek lightly.

"Goodnight." I said before closing the door, looking at his sad expression made me feel like the worst person in the world.

"That was touching." I heard Harry's voice from behind me, causing me to jump, he was leaned up against the doorframe smirking at me.

"I should kick your ass for that." I said and he laughed.

"Or you could kiss my ass.." He said flirty and I rolled my eyes.

"Why the hell are you here Harry?"

"I told you, I got bailed out." He said reinstating what he had already told me.

"Yeah, I got that. But why are you here?" I asked and he was silent.

"Harry seriously we are not in an interrogation, and I can call the police for you just showing up and inviting yourself in my house." I said, my voice more steady than I felt.

"I got evicted from my apartment." He said averting his gaze from my face.

"Okay? So go to your Mother's or your sisters or-"

"No one knows I'm out except my dad and I'd like to keep it that way." He said sternly and I sighed exasperated.

"Well then go stay with him."

"I would like to, only he told me I can't stay with him because he doesn't want a felon in his house the prick." He mumbled and a pang of guilt settled in to me but there was no way in hell he could stay here.

"That sucks, but you can't stay here, I've got a roommate."

"Ah yes, the spunky raven haired nurse." He said and I raised an eyebrows.

"How do you know that?" I asked warily.

"Relax. I got out this morning and saw you two coming out of Wahaca. I wasn't going to approach you on the street." He said walking over to take a seat on the couch again.

"How did you know where to find me?" I asked then.

"The lady at the library desk told me. What was her name, Doris was it? She was quite hesitant to give up your information when she saw me."

"You were following me?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I wanted to talk to you, but I knew you'd probably make a scene like you are now." He said gesturing to me.

"How am I supposed to believe you?" I asked cocking an eyebrow.

"Believe me, don't believe me, I don't really care." He said annoyed, turning his attention to the tv.

"Harry.." I said agitated, taking a seat on the couch, making sure to keep a good distance between him and myself.

"Save it. I came to talk to you about Langston." He said and my that held my attention.

"Now you wanna talk?"

"I'm not being surveillanced and video taped now.. am I?" He asked looking around the apartment warily.

"What do you think I videotape all of my guests and watch it back?" I asked and he shrugged, I rolled my eyes.

"So tell me." I urged.

Harry shifted in his seat to look at me, his expression going from slightly annoyed and smirking to serious in a matter of seconds. His emerald eyes locked on mine.

"You have to swear you won't tell." He started and my heart sped up again.

"Harry I'm a detective I-"

"Swear to it or I won't tell you a thing and I'll leave."

I wanted to know so badly why he had done what he'd done, but sitting here now in this moment I didn't feel prepared at all to find out the truth. And on top of that I couldn't tell Callahan, or record it, or they would file it on Harry depending on the information and possibly arrest him again, and then I would be his target. Harry was a pretty easy going person most of the time, but the fact alone that he had tried to kill someone made my skin crawl with fear of what he would do to me if I told.

"I swear." I whispered and he stared at me a minute before looking satisfied enough to begin.

"Wesley Langston was my sister's boyfriend." He started and I felt myself gasp before I could stop it.

"But, in the interview-"

"She didn't tell anyone except me. Our Mother didn't even know, hell she probably wouldn't have told me if I hadn't found her-" He stopped, his eyes leaving focus, his mind wandering to something in his memory.

"Harry.." I mumbled bringing him back to reality.

"He was an English major at her college, he had graduated two years before her and he was there for the study abroad program." He said and I nodded, urging him to continue.

"They started dating for about two months, she didn't tell any of us I guess because she didn't know where things were going to go and she didn't want him to meet the family and all that jazz if things didn't work.."

"One night she didn't come home, she always came home around midnight or so, she'd say she was out with friends when she was really with him. So that night when she didn't come home I went looking for her. None of her friends had seen her, I panicked worrying if something had happened to her so I called her cell phone. She answered and lied and told me she was at a friend of her's house but I knew that was a lie because I had already been there so I made her tell me where she was, threatening to get the police involved." He stopped, looking down at his hands.

"She was at a hotel, he was already gone when I got there, and I swear if he had of been there I would have killed him." He said through his teeth, I could see him seething, trying to calm himself thinking of the memory.

"What happened Harry?" I asked quietly.

"She was laying on the bed wrapped up in the blanket, she was crying and begging me not to tell mom. She had scattered bruises all over her face, her lip was busted open and bleeding, there was a gash over her eye that was bleeding.."

Harry quit talking, I could see the small tears pricking up in the corners of his eyes, he quickly thumbed them away.

"I took her to the hospital and they sewed the wound above her eye, I told her I would call the police but she begged me not to, begged me not to tell anyone about it and to leave it alone but she knew I couldn't do that, but at the time I promised her. We were released and she stayed with me for a few days until her face healed, we told our Mother that she was staying with me to clean my apartment and spend time with me, and when she asked about the stitches we told her she fell and hit her head on an end table, Mom never questioned it, Gemma had always been clumsy.." He said, this was the first smile he displayed, it was small, but visible. His eyes were puffy from the tears.

"After that, I sought out to find the bastard and do what he had done to my sister, only I knew it wouldn't do me any good except land me in jail, so I decided if I was going to go to jail for something I would make sure he'd never bother her again.." He said finishing his spew and I sat quietly, it was a lot to take in. I couldn't quite place the feeling inside of me, it wasn't pity or disgust, it was something along the lines of compassion. I would never condole killing anyone else but I knew deep down inside my heart that if that had been my sister, or Devlin I would have done the same thing.

Harry sat motionless for a few minutes and the nurturing side of me came out before I could stop myself, I scooted closer and placed my hand on his arm.

"I wish you would have told me before." I said and his gaze transfigured from the floor to me.

"I couldn't, I made a promise to my sister I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Yeah but Harry-"

"No." He cut me off.

"I promised. If I had told you, you would have gotten Gemma and my mother involved and neither of them need to be involved in what I've done, or didn't do." He said, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

I didn't say anything, instead sat still looking at Harry.

He looked a million times better than he since yesterday, the color in his face was starting to come back. His hair had been trimmed and was clean, I wondered if he had taken me up on my suggestion to get a good shower, I assumed he had by the clean clothes he was wearing.

All in all he looked.. good, considering. And he smelled good.

He smelled like irish spring or something masculine mixed with a subtle hint of mint. It was quite the intoxicating smell, but I wheeled myself away from the thought immediately, dangerous territory.

Finally after what seemed like ages I spoke.

"Harry, you can't stay here, I'm sorry but you can't."

He didn't argue or even look upset he just shrugged.

"I didn't think so."

"I'm sorry, if it weren't for the circumstances."

"Save it again, I get it." He said standing up and stretching.

"I'll be fine."

He headed for the door and I followed to see him out.

I opened the door and he stepped out in the hallway turning back to look at me.

"See you soon, Avery." He said, the tone of his voice sent unfamiliar chills down my spine but I brushed them off.

"Harry." I mumbled and watched him walk away down the hallway and board the elevator before I could breathe evenly again.

I quickly shut the door and deadbolted it, my heart racing and my mind matching.

**

Devlin returned home sometime after midnight, she had changed out of her scrubs and was wearing a nice dress and heels.

"You're still up?" She asked when she stepped inside and noticed me curled up on the couch with my laptop.

"Yes?" I questioned and she sized me up.

"Your hair is up, you're not wearing makeup, and you're in your pajamas, I'm guessing Lennon didn't show up?"

I thought seriously about telling Devlin what had happened with Harry but decided against it, if she knew she would probably have a conniption and call the police.

"He got called into work." I lied and she nodded believing me.

"How was your night?" I asked shifting the conversation away from my night and its endeavors.

"It was...good actually. Dr. Stevens took me to this really nice Japanese restaurant and a movie." She said smiling.

"Oh yeah? What movie?"

"The one with Kate Beckinsale and Jonah Hill."

"Oh yeah, how was it?" I asked and a cheeky grin broke out on her face.

"I don't know."

"You dog!" I said laughing and she giggled.

"I know, making out in a movie theater how juvenile am I i?"

"As long as you're happy Dev, I'm happy."

"I am really happy, Eric is a great guy. Now we both have good men." She said and I nodded, my stomach feeling in knots knowing I had blown off Tristan for Harry tonight.

"Well I'm going to bed, see you in the morning?" Devlin offered and I nodded, she gave me a quick hug and headed up the stairs to bed.

I flipped off the tv and decided to head to bed myself, I'd had enough excitement for one night.

When I got upstairs I checked my phone before plugging it in.

From: Tristan

Hope you're feeling better, call you tomorrow?

I sighed knowing that I had blown him off for stupid Harry showing up. I quickly texted back.

Sounds good, goodnight.

I laid down in bed and before I knew it I was drifting off to sleep.

I dreamt of emerald eyes and inky tattoos.

[dramayeoja]

Goblin ❣︎ 도깨비

Kim Shin, an undefeated war general, is ultimately killed by a jealous young king named Wang Yeo. After death, Shin is revived by the gods—but his revival is by no means miraculous. He becomes a 도깨비 (dokkaebi, goblin), and is cursed. He will have to pay for all the lives he took in battle by living alone in immortality, witnessing everyone he's ever loved, die. Remaining lodged in his chest is the very sword that killed him. There is only person who can see that sword, and draw from his heart so that he can finally rest in peace: his bride... whom he's yet to meet.

Things get spoilery under the cut—you've been warned! ;)

Chipper, yeah? Haha so, right off the bat, the premises of Goblin remind me of like, a much more morbid version of the legend of King Arthur. You know, a man draws a sword from stone to prove himself the greatest king in all of Britain? Yeah. Just to be clear: this is a good thing (imo). Like, I personally think this is just such a cool idea for a drama 😍

Let's jump right in. I'm gonna be honest and say that, at first, I felt a little turned off at the female lead, Eun Tak, being nineteen (in the beginning of the show), meanwhile the male lead, Shin, is 900+ years old (but physically looks to be in his thirties). It just... rubbed me weird. But hey, the Twilight series (both the books and the movies) is exactly the same—high school girl, century-old man, bananas yet somehow romantic storyline... And I loved me some Twilight as a young adult. So I mean, I have no right to judge, really. Plus, Eun Tak soon turns twenty anyway. So that's an improvement I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ We follow her character into her late twenties, nearly thirty. So things are definitely fine by then haha! 👍

Don't let that previous bit make you think I didn't enjoy Goblin—I LOVED it. That detail is just a lil funky to me, is all. Back during my Twilight obsession days, I was nearly twenty myself, and the thought of being pursued by an older man was exciting. Hell, I mean, it still is! But now that I'm two years shy of my 30th Birthday, I feel differently sometimes. I think, LAWD get that girl away from that man, she too young for him LOL. I am definitely getting old... Enough about Twilight now, apologies! I'm only using it for the sake of conveying similarities seen in Goblin 🙏 Let's talk cast!

Kim Go Eun as Ji Eun Tak and Gong Yoo as Kim Shin

Eun Tak is a bubbly young woman with limitless energy! While still in her mother's womb, Mama Ji was involved in a hit-and-run incident which, sadly, took her life. During Mama Ji's dying moments, she prayed to anyone above that her child's life be spared. Sat on a rooftop from afar, beer in hand (lol), Shin hears her prayers, as he is a god of sorts. He appears before Mama Ji, and shows mercy to her unborn baby. Eun Tak grows up with the ability to see/speak to ghosts. Said ghosts tell her constantly that she is the goblin's bride. How do they know? A strange birthmark on the back of Eun Tak's neck tips them off. Eun Tak unfortunately was taken in by her abusive bitch of an aunt, who jabs Eun Tak every chance she gets. Her cousins are assholes. Eun Tak's aunt really only keeps her around in hopes of collecting Mama Ji's savings (intended for Eun Tak) one day. Sad, right? I mean, isn't Eun Tak being born without her mother enough as it is? Life can be so cruel 😔

Lee Dong Wook as Grim Reaper/Reaper/Wang Yeo

This is Grim Reaper (or Reaper for short), portrayed by the handsome Lee Dong Wook. His character is just this strange, not at all tech-savvy man with a constant deadpan facial expression. Said facial expression provokes so many giggles during funny moments, and drives home the longing and desperation during sad times. We learn quite a ways in that he, in his previous life (again, just in case: spoiler), was Wang Yeo G A S P ! The young king that is essentially responsible for Shin's death, as well as all the misdeeds that were done to Shin's family. Again, this is something I don't want to spoil. Well, more, anyway 😆 You gotta see it!

Yoo In Na as Kim Sun/Sunny

Kim Sun, or simply, Sunny (she loves to spell her name for people lol, S-U-N-N-Y!) is the second female lead. Yoo In Na is so gorgeous that one look at her makes you feel like such a potato hahhah. 🥔 This fact about her beauty bleeds over into the show itself—every time another character meets Sunny, the camera does this slow motion pan into her lmao. She really is that pretty! Sunny's personality comes across so odd at first... Having watched all of the episodes now, I feel the intention of Goblin's creators was to make her seem like a soul searching for something it has lost in a previous life. idk if that makes sense, but yeah. She has this way about her, like she's disconnected from others, and is sifting through the haziness to find this thing she feels she's lost.

Yook Sungjae (my BtoB bias 😍) as Yoo Deok Hwa

Sungjaeeee ahhhh 💘💘💘 I had to gush, sorry! Hehe. Meet Deok Hwa: unofficial nephew of Shin. Deok Hwa is a third-generation chaebol (heir to a family-owned corporation) and spoiled man-child, always seeking his credit card hahaha 🤣 But I love him so much. Between Gong Yoo, Lee Dong Wook, and BtoB Sungjae? Man, I'm dying over here! Deok Hwa's true identity is revealed later in the show, which if you haven't seen it yet, I won't spoil it. Just watch. But his ending sucked. Like where did he go? Everyone else's endings got tied up neatly except for his. What gives, man? 🤔 Edit: I was actually reading an online conversation about what happened to Deok Hwa online—someone jokingly said he was reincarnated as BtoB Sungjae LOL 💯

Other various comments

AMAZING OST 😍😍😍

Good pace, episodes drag at times. A little confusing in the beginning, but you get there eventually. Maybe this is just me though, viewers who are a little more keen than I will likely catch on sooner ;) My mom was a little confused as well, and actually said at one point, "This should be called the 'what-the-hell-is-going-on' show," hahaha. Like I said though, we quickly moved on from this, and loved all the things. There are actually, I think, three (?) specials that were made to aid viewers in making sure they understand the complex events and relationships clearly. I haven't watched them yet, but want to!

Quite repetitive tbh, as there are unnecessary flashbacks often. Probably for two reasons: the obvious of reminding you what's what, but also to create suspense. Typical duration of most tvN dramas seems to be about 16 episodes, so it's possible these flashbacks and things are, for lack of a better word, filler. I don't know how rigid or lax tvN is about having a drama set at 16 eps, but I get the idea this is their preference. Seeing as so many of their programs on average last that long, I feel this must be what they want. Such has the potential to affect the writing, either positively or negatively.

A continuation of the previous bullet: I think Goblin's creators oversimplified the plot at times. I'm unsure if this is due to possible pressures to meet a specific requirement(s), or what. I'd rather forgo ALL restrictions and let creativity flow, let the story be told without pressure to fill a specific amount of time, etc. but TV production is weird. And contracts are weird. tvN might not to blame for these issues, could simply be that storytelling isn't always easy, man. I'm a writer myself, it's hard! I'M being redundant now lmfao! Anyway, yeah ~

Absolutely LOVED all the scenes that were filmed on location in beautiful Québec City, Canada 🍁 Tall, romantic trees, the fall foliage, historic buildings... sigh. Now all I need is Gong Yoo chasing me and we're all set! ;D

In addition to Shin being revived, my crush on Gong Yoo has been revived as well LOL. He fine 🔥 A classic K drama crush, can't go wrong with GY👌

Gong Yoo is always stellar at doing kiseu (kiss) scenes, and in Goblin, he does not disappoint. He really goes at it 🙈 which is preferred vs. the typical person kissing a stone statue that you see so often. He even did a lift kiss with Kim Go Eun that was reminiscent of THEE Coffee Prince kiss he did with actress Yoon Eun Hye! 😍

I never saw it coming, how the sword would wind up being removed from Shin's chest. I worried what the writers were going to do, how would they approach this, and just wow. The way things turned out is such a relief. It also told me that Shin's love for Eun Tak is true. I mean, I didn't need that scene to occur for me to know that, rather it just adds extra oomph that yes, Shin really does love Eun Tak. He didn't want her to suffer knowing she was responsible for his "death," so he thought quick and used her hands WITH his hands asdfghjkl. How dumb (bc noooo now you're gonna die) and amazing he is at the same time 💜

I love how Shin made his way back to Eun Tak after passing away, it was such a powerful scene. I could really feel his struggle, and kept yelling at my TV for him to stand up lol!

Devastated that Eun Tak died 😭 I really thought as many times as she'd cheated death before, she would somehow continue cheating death again and again for the rest of her days. But no... What a selfless person, Ji Eun Tak. Her being reincarnated as Park So Min gave me some closure. Not the closure I wanted, but closure.

The relationship between Shin and Reaper is ADORABLE. Whenever they interact with each other, they just have this great dialogue. Shin pings, Reaper pongs, Reaper pings, Shin pongs. It's great 😄 I still laugh about the slow-mo scene of them returning from the market with green onions HAHAHA 😂

I love Sunny & Reaper ~ However, their history as Kim Sun & Wang Yeo in their past lives is so very sad. I don't even know where to start RE: my feelings on this 💔 imo, their ending kinda sucked. I just wasn't satisfied with them having had this complicated, tragic story, only to be reincarnated in this fashion that I ultimately found to be just... idk, disappointing 😩 Again, closure, but not the closure I wanted.

I thought Reaper, the other grim reapers, the name cards, the depiction of what happens immediately following death with the brewing of the tea, the afterlife, etc. was all very creative. We really don't know what awaits us when our time comes—it's interesting to wonder if it's anything like it is in Goblin 🍵

Can't stop thinking about Goblin, even though I'm now watching Thirty but Seventeen & Mr. Sunshine! I'm emotionally cheating lol halp.

Photo credits: tvN & AsianWiki

Yo yo! I'm sorry I took so long to watch + write up this review! It's been a long couple of weeks for me, I wasn't always able to watch when I wanted. It was maddening 😆 But I have finally watched, and feel like the most accomplished person on the planet hahaha. xoxo 💜