#sorry y'all managing more than one social media is ..yeah

[magic-soda]

Sorry I genuinely forgot I had Tumblr anyways remember when I fed the Genosonic community for like a month? yeah here they r again (kinda)

[star1ight0]

Shouta Aizawa, Hizashi Yamada x PLATONIC KID!!

I crave comfort so here

Tw : Ed /sh

Not many people were aware of your relationship with your homeroom teacher and English teacher known as Mr. Aizawa and his loud husband Mic but they were your dad's. In the beginning of the year they both made it clear no special treatment would be given and you appreciated it a lot.

This also came with its ups and downs trying to fight the urge to hug you dad in front of class after villain attacks ect, as much as they'd both fight it they also struggled to accessively check on you when you all moved to dorms.

Having grown up always close to him after they adopted you from a abusive home. had its drags on you all You weren't entirely sure when this overwhelming feeling of despair started but it felt so shitty, you had no reason to feel this way you had a good life. Loving dads, a nice school and a few friends you hold dear to you. It was so long ago why was this still bothering you.

You remembered a conversation you had with your dad, Mic recalling how Aizawa was struggling with mental health and how it wasn't an effect of things around him but rather his brain chemistry. You looked at your phone debating on calling your family group chat to ask them for help but managed to talk yourself out of it resorting to crying on your closet floor.

After a few minutes of crying you managed to pull yourself together grabbing some clothes and deciding this was all in your head and you had no reason to feel so shitty. Heading out your room you feel a tap on your shoulder "it's past curfew kid" you turn around to see you father Hizashi looking around you you look back at him eyes still puffy "Sorry dad, just needed a shower" you say attempting to walk away when you feel a hand in you wrist "were you crying little listener?" You flinch at the childhood nickname your dad had given you "No, sorry just tired" you say pulling away "either your high or you were crying which one is it kid" He says pointing to your eyes "its nothing dad please just let me shower"

You pull away walking away leaving your dad in the hall alone. You took a long shower, trying to scrub off the memories of your past home. You get out the shower and go back to your dorm laying down on the floor ignoring the fact your bed was no more than 3 feet away. You look at your phone to see Aizawa texted you

You okay kiddo?

Yeah sorry for worrying y'all just a bad day

Are you sure

Yeah

If you say so, me and Hizashi are here if you need us. Now go to bed it's late

The conversation was short and to the point but you still felt the need to want to call him and tell him these awful feelings you were having.

A few days passed when you got an email from an all too familiar name, it was your biological mom. The very same woman who had given you physical and mental problems along with nonstop nightmares for 2 years. You had changed everything phone number, social media accounts anything that she could you to find you. Yet her name is in your inbox with a paragraph calling you names and threatening you. Everything felt so out of control like nothing you did to get away from her was enough. But she knew now, she knew what school you went to. 1-A had been on TV after all, you should have known it was only a matter of time. You looked at your phone blankly feeling your body shake and tears fall from your face. You reached for your pocket knife making a cut on your thigh it felt good like you finally had control over how you felt like you had control over something when everything around you was so chaotic. This was bad you knew that but it felt too good to want to care.

Overtime the threatening emails from your mother piled up only feeding the fear she'd find you and harm you, in turn causing more scars to be formed on your legs. You dads had quickly talked notice to you change in dimanar and talked it over amongst themselves and tried to reach out to you but it was all brushed off as a bad week or a bad day.

This began to escalate more than your lack of interest in food came about you seemed so tired too tired to even eat. This is where they drew the line. No kid of theirs would be passing out in training. They just couldn't figure out how to talk to you about this without you shutting down and shutting them out.

Monday morning training came about and you felt exhausted like your whole body was about to give out. This was only further proven when you passed out before training with Todoroki without him even activating either of his quirks. Both Hizashi and Aizawa rushed to your side as another student ran to get recovery girl. You woke up in the nurses office with both your dad's next to you looking worried out their minds.

"Recovery girl said you'd be fine.. as long as you ate and drank probably." There was a silence filled with worry and a bit of anger

"I'm sorry dad-" you were cut off by Hizashi hugging you, "please don't scare me like that kid" he said holding you as if you were gonna disappear. "Talk to us if you need to kiddo. You know we'll listen. "

You hugged him back going back to your dorm early as you were excused from all classes for the day, sitting on your floor you checked your phone to see another email this time from your biological father. Your mom texting you was one thing you knew in some way she didn't have the gut to actually hurt you but your dad, he'd hunt you down and kill you, metaphorically and literally. You felt a wave of fear washing over you and you sobbed standing up hands on your head pacing around your room crying and shaking. You reach for your knife once more sliding down the wall making a cut in an almost fully healed scar feeling that feeling of control comes back. You made a few more before stopping, taking a deep breath grabbing your first aid kit sitting in the same spot on the floor. Yeah, you felt stupid but not stupid enough to not clean this kind of thing. As you were cleaning up you heard a knock at your door

"Kid? It's us can we talk?"

Aizawa says still waiting at the door "Y-yeah give me a minute please!!" You shout rushing to put the first aid kit away and some sweatpants and throw your knife under the bed you wipe your face, and open the door

"Kid are you okay you look a little.. worse than earlier "

"yeah I'm fine just not in a great mood," you said looking at your phone placed in the far end of the bed. They both came Into your room sat on your bed and attempted to talk to you about what had been bothering you. The conversation went in circles before you placed your head in Aizawa's lap. Your dad Hizashi, was standing at the foot of your bed about to leave when he was stopped by a blood stain on the floor.

"Shouta, I think we should stay till she wakes up"

"hm. I mean I'm not against it but why ?"

He points at the blood spot on the floor and Shoutas eyes widen.

"they are knocked out right now so can you look for whatever is being used ?"

He nods looking around your room eyes landing on a pocked knife shining under your bed.

"here, I'll put it in our room," he says showing Shouta before closing it and placing it in his pocket, as he was above to leave he stopped by the light of your phone along with a name he recognized followed by a scowl.

"Shouta I'm gonna check their phone for something"

He gives Hizashi a confused look but unable to move because of your sleeping form he allows him to do so, you trusted them enough to let them know your passwords but they had never not trusted you enough to go through your phone. He opens the email, reading it and seeing ll the others. He made a face of pure disgust and walked toward Shouta showing him the inbox along with one of the emails it had.

Both had decided to stay in your room till morning, planning to talk to you about this night of unfortunate events. But this was cut short by the feeling of you hyperventilating in Shoutas lap. Hizashi gently shakes him awake and they both attempt to comfort you ultimately failing as you wake you shaking tears forming in your eyes. An all too familiar scene for your dad's to witness.

"it's okay kid, your okay" Hizashi whispered patting your head as Aizawa rubbed your shoulder.

"sorry i-"

"No apologies. We know everything so there's no need to hide anything from us anymore"

Shouta says looking up at his husband

"you could have really hurt yourself kid"

"i know I just - "You were cut off by a knot in your throat as you scrambled to find the words "Everything feels so out of control and I can control this you know?" Shouta nodded in agreement.

"Why did you come to us kiddo?

"i- I didn't want you to worry you. You guys had enough going on.."

You said your voice is still shaking between sobs.

"you'd never be a bother to us. It's our job as you parents to check on you and worry for you"

You all had a long talk about possible coping strategies and ways to communicate if you wanted to talk about something without feeling bothersome. A few relapses were bound to happen and they both knew this but did everything they could to ensure it didn't. Even if it meant letting the whole class know you were their kid so you could go in the teacher's wing of the dorms. You began slowly getting better with setbacks here and there, but by setting up a new email and talking more about what your depression episodes felt like, both your dads were able to help you through it

Yes it's messy I wrote 75% of this in one go and the other half after my shower. And it's like 12:58am

Requests are open but slow

Please reach out if you need to to!!

[xtrashmammalstefx]

Chaos Monster & Her English Gent (A Callum Turner x Reader Smut)

Warnings: Smut, language, kiddos under 18 do not interact!

Notes: When I said I've become a total slut for this man and his bf Austin I wasn't fucking around. Lemme know if y'all want an Austin smut/sequel because I totes have some ideas I think you'll like.

Looking back I don’t think any of us expected this to happened. I certainly didn’t and I was the one who had the most to lose if things had gone sour rather than go the way they did.

I’m getting ahead of myself though so I’ll just start where this whole mess began: the first time I visited Austin on the Masters of the Air set. I’d sneaked up behind Austin, my best friend for life and possibly longer, as he was talking to a rather handsome man with the most unimaginably contagious smile. I put my finger to my lips once he’d seen me and jumped onto Austin’s back. “’Sup Elvis!”

“PRISCILLA?! FUCK!” Austin turned and scooped me up. “YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME BABE!”

I laughed and squeezed him back. “Well that’s what you get for taking for fucking ever to return my texts you ass!”

“Sorry ‘bout that sweetheart but duty called a hell lot more than I thought it would,” he said once I was back on the ground. “Oh,” he turned back to the smiling man. “By the way, Callum this is my best girl, Y/N, Y/N this is my new best friend Callum.”

“Nice to meet you my handsome replacement,” I said.

Callum smiled nearly bringing out a giggle from deep inside me. Fuck, he is good. “Pleasure’s all mine love, and I am definitely not replacing you. You’re more beautiful than I will ever be.”

Struck dumb by his buttery smooth British accent and killer icebreaker I turned to Austin. “He is a hell of a keeper.”

“Yeah I think so too,” Austin laughed. “So how long are you staying?”

“I’ve taken a week off work so I’m gonna be yours until about Sunday,” I said.

“Oh sweet. Can’t wait to show you off to the rest of the boys, they’re gonna love you,” Austin said as we started towards a couple other guys in period attire.

“Only until they get to know me,” I said. “Let’s see how they react once they see the true chaos monster you know and love.”

“Well, this is gonna be a right interesting week,” Callum said walking on the other side of me.

Of course he wasn’t wrong about that. The next few days were filled with me and Austin being a chaotic duo in front of his cast mates who were also quite chaotic themselves. I’m not sure how or when it started happening but whenever Austin was away either in costume or make-up, Callum and I started to talk. Barry would sometimes be there but most of the time it was just us.

“I’m really gonna miss having you around,” Callum said two days before I was due to leave. We were in his trailer. Austin was busy talking with his manager so I figured I’d bug Callum for a bit. He was changing out of his costume and into civilian wear while I hung out in his make up chair.

“You act as if you don’t have my number and social medias,” I said. “I’m heading home, not dying.”

“Well, talking with you on a phone or in DM’s isn’t exactly the same as having you here,” Callum continued.

“What can you possibly say that can’t be said over the phone?”

“It’s not what I wish to say but rather what I wish to do that can’t be done over a phone call,” he said starting towards me wearing nothing but his boxer briefs which left little to nothing to the imagination.

“And what exactly is it that you wish to do good sir?”

He smirked and started leaning down. “This,” his lips connected with mine. His plump lips were soft and warm as he kissed me. It wasn’t enough to send me off the edge and before I knew it I had my arms around him letting him carry me to the small couch. Once there he pulled back and brought his lips down to my neck. As he left what I was sure was gonna be a massive hickey I reached down and started palming him through his underwear. He groaned at the feeling, his body trembling on top of mine.

“I’m a bit overdressed don’t you think?” I breathed. He smiled and sat up. I reached down and lifted my shirt over my head. He took it from me and tossed it to the side before reaching for the zipper and button on my pants. Not even a minute later I was fully bare in front of him.

“God you’re so beautiful,” he whispered pecking me on the mouth. “So. Fucking. Beautiful.” As he started to kiss me again I nudged at his briefs, doing my best to get them off. Callum got the hint though and pulled them off tossing them with my clothes. I think he could see how big my eyes got at the sight of him for he chuckled softly and said, “Like what you see, darling?”

I had no idea how to answer. If I’d though he was big when flaccid it was nothing compared to how endowed he was when he was hard.

I looked from his crotch up to his face as he continued to look at me quizzically with that smile that didn’t seem to go away. “C’mere,” I said moving from the couch to the floor beside it. He laid himself on top of me sending a shiver through me as his dick brushed my folds, ghosting my entrance. He reached down, gave himself a tug and placed himself there.

“Okay, love?” he asked. I nodded and just like that he was inside me. I clung to him as my body got use to the stretch. Callum cussed a rainbow of curse words in my ear as I enveloped him. His thrusting began soon after.

Turns out Callum is a gentleman in every sense of the word. He kept his movements slow at first, not daring to go faster or harder without my say so. Once the stinging subsided I brought my mouth to his, kissing him harder before telling him, “Harder… I need you to go harder.” With that he picked up the pace, almost slamming completely into me. “FUCK!”

“You’re taking me so well darling, fuck!!” He took me into his arms and slowly lifted me up, still thrusting into me. I held onto him moving up and down as he sat back. I rode him like that for a while until he lied completely back, putting me in charge for a bit.

As I moved my body conscious of the fact that I could see a small bump pulsating in my lower stomach, Callum reached down and started rubbing me with his long fingers. I bit back a scream at the feeling but let him keep playing with clit. It made me feel alive in a way I couldn’t put into words and before I knew it I was riding him like my life depended on it.

We continued like that until I began to feel the pressure build up inside me. “Oh fuck I’m gonna cum!”

“It’s alright, darling, just...just let go on my cock,” he said grabbing my ass and slamming me harder on his length. The pressure continued to grow more intense, until finally I was screaming and tightening around him. As I remained clamped down on his length Callum wrapped his arms around me and flipped us back over so that he was on top.

He continued to thrust as I came down from the most mind boggling orgasm of my life. I was still seeing stars when Callum’s thrusts became sloppy. Suddenly the gentle boy I’d been falling for became beastly, almost roaring as he twitched inside me, filling me up until there wasn’t a single drop left in him.

My body was still shaking, my cunt throbbing, as he pulled out and collapsed beside me.

“That was… incredible...magical even…”

“It was the best damn shag of my life,” Callum said breathless making me giggle. I turned my body to face him and cringed at the soreness between my legs. “You alright love?”

“Mentally and emotionally speaking I’m fucking great,” I said. “Physically speaking...fuck… Callum, I love you with every fiber of my being and will gladly do this again and again with you but god damn I think you just about broke me in half.”

He laughed at that and kissed my now swollen lips. “So, you agree then? To be my girlfriend I mean.”

I looked up at him and smiled. “I’m pretty sure I’m more than that. I mean, I did just say I love you, and lord knows those are words I don’t say to just anybody.”

“Just to the lad who shags your brains out?” I slapped him playfully on his chest. “Only joking darling. I love you too, and I don’t say those words to just anybody either.”

“Just to the girl that rode you and milked you for every last drop of cum in your body?”

“Actually, I believe I just said them to the girl I want to marry.”

“Quite the fast one aren’t you?”

“Only when I know deep down in my bloody heart and bones that I don’t want to do this with anyone else,” he said.

“Alright, but there’s something we gotta do first… Something pretty damn risky.” He looked at me questioningly.

“And that is?”

I looked up and smiled nervously. “We gotta tell Austin.”

“OH FUCK!”

[hwrryscherry]

The one where Harry and Model Y/N go undercover in the internet

characters: HARRYxMODELY/N

blurb: Harry and Model Y/N go undercover on the internet with fake accounts on TikTok and Instagram for an interview for GQ magazine on a video pre Grammys.

word count: 3.3K

HARRYxMODELY/N masterlist

author's note: HI GUYS! This is a request that I received a while ago but only finished it now because of school and all that stuff that I've told y'all a million times. Anyway, I tried my best on this request cause I think I lost my way of writing a little lol but anyway, I hope you like it and I hope that for the ones who misses Harry and Model Y/N this can be a great gift. Love y'all and thank you for the constant support and love on them💜 Stay Safe and Always remember to tpwk and that you're so golden💜💜💜

It was about 3 pm when you and Harry naturally came into the studio set on the building of GQ magazine with tender smiles on your faces covered by masks as you greeted everybody in the room in which there wasn’t many people in it. Harry was dressed in one of the many Gucci shirts he owned, with freshly washed hair that made you smell his pleasant scent from inches away just because he was wearing your favoured one and you'd always recognize it. You also detected the many rings on his fingers, including the one that you had bought for him as a 27th birthday present and by god, he was so thrilled about the ring and had a big smile on his face all day so he felt like he wanted to use it every day. Oh and how good his birthday was. You weren't able to have a party, obviously, but you still managed to celebrate somehow. In the morning, you gave him his favorite breakfast and then he, Gemma and Anne stayed on a zoom call for about an hour. You bought some yellow balloons to put in the living room just to give that birthday vibe and during the night, you had no more than four friends in your LA house, all properly protected and saved. You just ordered a few pizzas and watched some of Harry's favorite movies. It was simple but with an incredible energy, receiving a tiny group around while doing something y'all liked was everything Harry wanted most, mainly because he would have to wake up early the next day to go to the set of "Don't Worry Darling." as they were about to finish filming.

But today was another day. In earlier Febraury, the GQ magazine team reached out to your businessmen with the proposal that you and Harry would record a video together answering questions about your relationship to be published before the Grammys and after you consider whether it would be the best thing to do or not because of the many reactions you could get from it, you both agreed to do it. You’d always try to consider every little possibility when it comes to your and Harry’s relationship as the media can be very mean and disrepecftul.

Instead of Harry, you had a black miniskirt, long sleeve white blouse and a small black blazer with your Fendi plaid boots, which was Harry's personal choice for today as you’ve told him that he could chose an outfit for you to wear. You two spent a few minutes in the makeup chair doing touch-ups on your hair and makeup right before you were both ready to shoot. You walked from the makeup table to the center of the studio where you could see the crew behind the cameras and the big white background with a table and two black chairs right in the center. The table had a computer upon it only. After sitting down and having the microphones popped at you, you looked up when you heard the directors asking if you were ready and when you nod and the count is over, the camera started recording.

   ‘‘Hi, I'm Harry Styles!'’ You greeted the camera with a big smile on your face, eliciting a laugh from Harry about your unexpected "joke.". Honestly, today was a good day for both of you where you were both in an extremely good mood. Unlike the other days where you were quarantined, you were emotionally untired and in the mood to film and have a small social interaction, which is rare.

   ‘’And I'm Y/N Y/L/N!'’ Harry said joining in the joke with you and then looking at you as he waited for you to say the rest of the introductory phrase but only realizing you were smiling at the camera without saying anything.   '’Y/N!'’  Harry called calmly causing you to turn your head to face him and realize he wanted you to continue instead of continuing himself.

   '’Oh sorry, I thought you were going to continue'’    You whispered conspiratorially to him before taking a deep breath and resting your hands on the table when you returned your gaze to the camera.   ‘’And we’re gonna go undercover on the internet today!!’’

   ‘’Yeah, I'm scared!'’  Harry said when opening the laptop that was over the table and turning it on. You sat back in your chair so that you could see the laptop screen clearly and smirked a little when you heard your boyfriend's words.

   ‘’Hm... Let's do TikTok!'’   Harry said after a few seconds in silence while thinking. Harry's words made you chuckle his words because you knew that Harry doesn't comprehend anything about TikTok and didn't have an account but you both would usually find yourselves in bed watching tiktoks for hours. '’Which username should we put in?'’, Harry asked without taking his eyes off the screen.

   ‘’You should be! I’ll expose all of your deepest secrets in this video'’   You said while raising your eyebrows in a playful way eliciting a laugh from Harry, one by the way, that he tried hard to sound a little desperate for people watching  '’Alright, what should we do first?’’

   ‘’Put ‘’simp4harry’’ !"  You said with a smirk on your lips as Harry let out a nasal laugh but put that username either way.

   ‘’Okay, but how did you think of that username so fast? I think it’s very creative'’  Harry asked as he finished creating the account.

   ‘’It's the username I put on everything!'’  You answered as you ran your right hand through your hair.

   ‘’Oh yes? So is this your Only Fans username?'’  Harry mockingly asked making you laugh and take your eyes off the screen and look at his face.

   ‘’No, I don't even have an account on Only Fans, for God's sake Styles'’. You answered as mockingly as he did, '’Why? You have one?'’  You asked calmly.

   ‘’No, I'm a one-woman man!'’ Harry said to cause you to smile convincingly.

   '’Can someone get me a bottle of water, please?'’ You asked gently for the people who were on the set and smiled thanking the person who brought you.

   ‘’Thank you!'’   You answered sounding a little bit shy, even though you’re a public person and listen to compliments quite often, you still don’t know how to react to them. You took a deep breath and raised your eyebrows before using your finger to point to the laptop screen as he opened your tiktok account,  ‘’I mean, I don’t even know why I’d be one of the best ones to follow since all I post on tiktok is unnecessary and stupid things that goes through my mind during the day.’’

   ‘’So inconvenient!'’  Harry whispered playfully. You two had this habit of being sassy to each other, and everyone around you was used to it. This craze started because the first time you guys hang out together in Shanghai, you just talked like you’ve known each other for years and not just five hours.

   '’I didn't drink water today, do you want me to be thirsty? I thought you loved me!'’   You used a dramatic tone when speaking before drinking a sip of water.

   ‘’I did!'’   Harry replied in a low tone finishing logging in the TikTok feed.

   ‘’What do you mean ''you did''?'’   You answered in a loud tone holding the laugh with Harry.

   ‘’Okay, focus on TikTok! Focus on TikTok!'’  Harry said with a laugh as you now brought his attention to the screen as well,  ‘’Hm, let's look at my girl's account!'’, Harry said as he typed your tiktok username in the search bar. You took a sip of the water in the bottle and put it on the table,  ‘’AND by the way, do you guys know that this woman over here was listed by The Cut as one of the best tiktokers to follow today? And I’m so proud’’

   ‘’Well, I love how you appreciate your talents, love!'’  Harry replied sarcastically with a smirk on his lips making you chuckle. He didn't like it very much when you belittled something you did, even if it was something that was really bad, he didn't like it. Not just with you though, but with all the people in the world. Harry doesn't like it when people don't recognize their worth.

   ‘’Ok, here’s the first one! I’ll be reacting to it!'’   Harry spoke in a playful tone while clicking on the video as he knew very well it was not a react video but to answer questions. Harry clicked on the first video, this time you were propped up with your face close to the camera with folded arms dubbed to the sound that was in the background. You then take the transparent glasses pulled over the beige in a matter of color that was in front of you on the table and put them under your eyes never failing to dub the song. Then you move away from the camera and can see you are wearing leggings and a sweatshirt. And then you take your Louis Vuitton Coussin PM silver bag and place it on your shoulder before the video ends   ‘’Alright, so on this video you don’t do anything else than mimicking to the song.’’

   ‘’No, but like, seriously!'’   You complemented. '’We’ll watch some of them, and you’ll see how silly they are!

   ‘’I know that’s why I said that it stupid!'’   You exclaimed as you crossed your arms on the table. ‘’Let’s see the comments'’   You, yourself clicked on the comments area with your hand before Harry did and observed as comments poped up.

   ‘’Ok so the user @username1 asked ‘’How does it feel being the coolest person ever’’, tell me Y/N, how does it feel like?'’  Harry asked with a smirk to you as he turned his head to encounter your face with raised eyebrows.

   ‘’Oh, it feels so nice!'’ You responded in a playful tone causing both of you to laugh at your conviction, even though you knew it was a teasing tone and not narcissistic  ‘’Everybody knows I’m like, the coolest person alive so...'’  You convincingly said running your hand through a few strands of your hair and then take a deep breath and put a lock of hair behind your ear.   ‘’No, I’m just kidding. I’m not cool everyday, honestly there are days that I’m the most annoying person ever so I definetely have my good and bad days.’’

   ‘’Oh and those annoying moments'’   Harry said in an ironic tone, letting out a dramatic sigh causing you to frown and slightly open your mouth as an offense while holding your laughter as you exclaimed a loud '' excuse me?’‘ as an answer. Harry returned his attention to the comments on the screen again and frowned and brought his face slightly closer to the screen to read   ‘’Okay so @username2 asked ‘’new trend: are you engaged?’’. No guys are not. We’ve never been engaged.’’

   ‘’I feel like we’ve been engaged since 2017!'’   You said sarcastically remembering all the rumors about engagement, babies and dating. Since the first time you has met there were rumors, thousands of them, all the time but you and Harry chose not to comment on them as it would just be a big waste of time.

   ‘’Exactly and we weren’t even dating in 2017!'’  Harry complemented by looking away from the camera at his nodded face. '’But anyway...’’   Harry said taking a deep breath  '’I love how random your tiktok actually is!’’

"I know! I am planning a whole video to film on Grammys day because I'm in love with my outfit and i’m so excited for it!" You said changing the subject but being excited about the idea. After the announcement of nominations and with all the excitement you felt for Harry, you agreed you would attend the Grammys together; it was something important because not only was he running for three awards but also because you never attended any events side by side, except at the 2019 Met Gala. Then the pressures would increase but Harry knew it would be so much easier if he had you there with him. Because whether or not he took the awards home, he knew you were there and he would be grateful for at least being nominated for sure.

"Wait, which outfit did you pick? " Harry asked as he left the tiktok site on the laptop and entered Instagram. Harry selected searched for the hashtag of both of your names as a ship name on the explorer, so it would be easier to find what both of you wanted. "You showed me three different outfits but didn’t told me which one you chose!"

"Oh, I choose the black Prada one!"  You answered calmly. Harry stopped using the laptop and turned his head quickly to face his face causing you to look surprised and confused at him due to your reaction. It was his favorite outfit from the three that you had shown to him. "What?I wanna look great before you win your first award and I start ugly crying."

"Oh my god, you’re probably more excited than me." Harry said turning his attention back to the laptop screen.

"Of course I am, I cannot wait to walk around telling people that my boyfriend is not only a three times grammy nominated but a grammy winner!" You answered as you grabbed the water bottle that you had previously asked and drinking a sip.

"Anyway, let’s see!" Harry said as he started searching through the hashtag posts, also drawing his attention to the same screen. You then see a post that catches your eye and points it so that Harry can click. The post was a picture of Harry on the Met Gala carpet with ‘’Harry pierced his own ear for the Met Gala with a needle’’ written on it. "Ok, that’s true! But, now ask me why I had to pierce my own ear?!"  He asked ironically, as if he were playing a trick on you, because he knew very well you had a mini argument that day since you refused to pierce his ear with the fricking needle.

"I told you I wouldn’t do it! Do you even have any idea of how dangerous that was?"  You replied right after rolling your eyes, but your tone of voice remained calm and you didn't get heated when you spoke. "You know you need to sterilize, right? And what if you had caught an infection? Do you really think I was going to do that? You're an adult. I can't stop you, but I wasn't going to pierce your ear."

"Hey, hey, hey!" He said causing you to stop talking and look at him. Harry raised his eyebrows and looked at you with a smirk before speaking. "The thing is: I really wanted to pierce my ear, and we wear finishing getting ready in New York. I asked Y/N if she had a needle. Neither her and Alessandro wanted to do it. Literally no one wanted to do it but I was very much decided so I did it myself and my ear is completely fine by the way" Harry said the last part making you roll your eyes again while looking at the camera and take a deep breath.

"Anyway..." You said as you dived back into the posts. In one of them you read someone saying in a comment that you and Harry would probably never fight. "Here, this one says ‘’I feel like they’re the type of couple that never fights and when they do, the fight lasts for 30 seconds’’".

"Absolutely untrue!" Harry said almost that immidiately while you nodded agreeing with him.

"Guys, every couple in the world argues. It’s natural, it’s not because we don’t have big arguments and talk shit about each other on the internet that we don’t have conflicts or understatement" You explained. You and Harry are really compatible, but you still have your moments and it’s important to recognize it. No relationship is perfect and disagreeing on things is absolutely understandable.

"Yeah, specially ‘cause we’re different people that come from different places and had different experiences. As long as the disagreements are not causing you serious mental and emotional harm is normal" Harry complemented your thought. It’s important to notice when a relationship is not making you feel good anymore. If your unhappy for any reason is important to leave and to search for help if needed. "See, if you could change anything in our relationship, what would it be?" Harry asked making you pay attention to his words and face as you thought attentively in silence for a few seconds.

"I think I would probably change the fact that we’re usually really far away from each other!" You said calmly while looking at him. "Like, you’re always travelling and so I am, so I feel like it can get hard sometimes because of that and I’d definitely would change that if I could do it without like, changing our whole careers and lives."

"Yeah, I’d probably change that as well!" Harry agreed nodding to you as he was thinking as well. "I’m very grateful for quarantine on that point because we could spend more time together without being so long apart from each other. Of course I wish it was on different situations but I’m grateful for that" Harry said and you could understand that completely. You and Harry had been dating since 2018 and had spend months apart from each other and only you both truly knew how hard it could get sometimes, specially when you had the whole world to judge both of you.

"I fully understand it! Sometimes I think about everyone who spent this past year alone, and I’m really grateful for having you with me...LIke, you’re my best friend, you know this" You said looking at Harry’s face. He had a growing tender smile on his face that was starting to make you nervous and emotional on the same time as you remembered the past year. You felt your eyes getting wet and let out a chuckle looking away from his gaze. "I’m getting emotional! It’s all about my cancer rising today!"

"Oh sure, it’s always zodiac’s fault!" Harry said laughing and then looking at the screen and the crew on the backstage while gesturing with his hands. "That’s probably one thing about Y/N that you guys don’t know. She fully believes on zodiac signs and those stuffs. Actually, there was one time when she told me that we couldn’t be together because our signs were incompatible."

"Okay but like, Harry is an Aquarius and I’m a Taurus. We are incompatible when it comes to zodiac signs!" You said between giggles as you tried justifying your point even though Harry knew you were joking when you said that to him. He didn’t know at the time though he was very much surprised and scared when you said it.

"But anyway, I’m glad that we spend this time together. It’s been weird and funny at the same time like the spaghetti day!" Harry said holding his giggles as he watched your eyes widen because you knew exactly what he was talking about.

"NO, we're not talking about this!" You talked fastly while laughing at the same time as Harry as you both remembered that one night in quarantine when a spaghetti night went completely wrong and he came on the kitchen to see you and a kitchen with spaghetti and tomato sauce all over the floor and the walls and how you cried to convince him to clean the whole kitchen alone and failed. "Ok, let's finish the video here before things are leaked!" You said giggling.

"Alright, this was very nice. Thank you GQ for having us and I hope we weren't the worst guests you've ever had!" Harry said joking even though you both knew that it was quite hard to be very open in the media specially about your relationship but you tried your hardest.

"Don't forget to watch Harry peform on Grammys on sunday!" You said.

[whaleofatjme1920]

Dealing With People Who Don't Care (Ticci Toby X F!Reader)

Dealing With People Who Don't Care

[Ticci Toby X F!Reader]

[Warnings: slight language and calls to violence? Bullying, slight yandere behavior]

[AN: Requested from ѕρσσку яανισlι on Quotev! Idk if I'm ready to tell y'all that this was basically my first quarter of college.]

College wasn’t supposed to be like this, at least, that’s what you keep telling yourself. When you graduated from high school, you were told that petty drama and catty people were going to fade away because that was high school and this is college. Something new, something for young adults, and something you’d been looking forward to for far, far too long.

Truth be told, in high school, you didn’t really have any problems. You mostly got along with the people you did talk to and aside from a few arcs which you lovingly call ‘character development’, you generally kept your head down and to yourself which allowed you to stay off some of the cruller people’s radars. You were liked when it was necessary but ultimately stuck to yourself.

How did it all go so wrong?

When you first came in on orientation day, you’d met up with a group of girls and bonded on the train ride back to campus. There was a group chat made and you were a ready part of it. You felt nicely about your entire situation because these were nice girls, and they treated you like you held the sun and rose the moon. Is that what positive friendship was like?

For the first few weeks, everything with them was a bliss. Unfortunately, you were the only person from that group in your specific branch and major. This meant that you often spent most of your daylight hours alone or with yourself entirely. The other girls all had majors that were almost word for word the same, and that meant that they spent a lot of time together. Slowly, that had been growing closer and closer to each other and leaving you out.

It came in small doses at first, and you had chalked it up to your nature being so different from theirs. They were much more extroverted than you ever could have been. They were fire, and you were ice. But that did not mean that you were boring, or any less interesting, you were just quieter, preferring to take this just as softly. Wandering around the city with maybe one or two people, talking about the things that matter as opposed to getting wasted in a crowded apartment with fifty people who don’t even care about your wellbeing.

That’s what was different about you than them.

“Hey ladies,” you smile widely as you take your tray of food from the cafeteria to the table where all the girls sat. You notice that they’re all engrossed in conversation but quickly turn to greet you with smiles and waves.

“Hi, Reader! How has your day been?” Maria greets, her fingers gently tugging through her blonde hair. “Me and Georgina were just talking about you.”

Georgina nods and pats the seat next to her for you to sit down. “Yeah, what have you been up to?”

You take a seat next to the redhead and sip from your drink. “It was alright. With midterms coming up though… Little stressed,” you admit as the two girls sitting around you frown in response. “Lots of essays, some minor discussion posts, a group project but we’re just starting it early because it counts for like, 20 percent of our grade and is part of our final,” you say as you stab into your food.

“Oh? A group project?” Georgina asks with a raise of her eyebrow.

You nod. “It’s actually more like a partner project. I’m paired with this guy named Toby? But like, I haven’t seen him yet - he doesn’t show up to class,” you sigh.

“Maybe try emailing the professor,” Maria suggests. “But I’m sure you’ll do just fine,” she hums with a small smile, her hand reaching over and gripping yours warmly.

From there, the conversation that follows has you drifting away. By now, a third girl has joined the conversation and her name is Helena. Helena is also in the same class as you with the group project, but she isn’t as close to you as Georgina and Maria are. She greets you just as warmly but she turns the conversation in a direction you weren’t expecting.

Laughter rings out from the table.

“And that guy from last night?” Georgina giggles.

“He was insane!” Maria adds. “You have to come inside!” She mockingly says before bursting into another fit of giggles.

“And he dressed so weirdly,” Helena continues. “Ratty as all hell jacket and then followed us into the theatre? Asked to show us magic tricks-” she’s not even able to finish her words because she’s laughing much too hard.

You tilt your head slightly. “What happened last night?” You ask.

The girls pause for a moment. “Don’t worry about it,” Georgina says as she swats off your question. “You weren’t there.”

“This was last night?” You ask again.

They nod.

“Yeah, wasn’t anything special,” Maria attempts to shrug off before those three continue with their conversation and inside jokes.

You eat in silence, every now and then smiling and offering forced laughter as you think about what you did last night. You weren’t doing anything, in fact, your roommate went out on a date with her boyfriend and left you in the dorm all along. So, you finished your work a little early and started on some other things, then watched Netflix and fell asleep before midnight. You were free the entire night.

And they didn’t even think to invite you.

From there, you started to notice all the times they forgot about you and excluded you. It carried on in the sloughed off invites, the ‘sorry we can’t meet up for dinner,’ and generally just avoiding you. They had jokes they couldn’t share with you, and you were at their side, they acted like you weren’t even there until it faded into nothing.

Reader: Are you guys doing anything tonight?

Maria is typing…

Maria: no not tonight :(

Reader: oh okay! But if any of you want to come to Target with me or something..? Maria: sorry, I’m busy!

Georgina is typing…

Helena is typing…

After that, they’d left you on read, not even bothering to answer you. Later that night on snapchat, you saw the three of them wandering the city without you, laughing and having a good time.

Instead of talking to them right away, you focused on your classes and your work. And that meant finally tagging down toby.

You’d managed to finally get him in your sight after emailing your professor who struck some type of fear into him. You were able to meet him face to face at a little cafe somewhere off campus.

“Over h-here,” he calls out from near the window of the cafe, waving you towards the back.

You flash him a quick smile and let it fall before finally taking a seat across from him. You’re slightly surprised to see that there’s a cup of hot chocolate and a chocolate chip muffin is there waiting for you. “Oh, uh, thank you,” you say as you get comfortable.

“It’s n-nothing,” he says with a small smile. “I-I’m sorry for k-keeping you w-w-waiting all t-this time,” he continues in an apologetic tone. “T-Things with my f-family aren’t e-easy right n-now.”

Not wanting to push him, you nod and smile reassuringly. “It’s okay,” you relent. “So, this project..?”

“It’ll b-be a breeze,” he replies. “D-Don’t worry about i-it, yeah?” He picks up his own cup of hot chocolate to fight off the child of mid autumn and nods to you, his dark eyes scanning over your form. “I w-wanna know j-just who I’m w-working with.” He smirks slightly, the corners of his mouth pulling up like a know-it-all cat.

You look into your cup of hot chocolate and shrug. “Nothing too interesting,” you attempt to slide off.

Toby rolls his eyes. “Calling b-bull,” he snorts. “You l-look stressed. W-What’s on your m-m-mind?”

You sigh deeply and relax your body as you think back to the situation with those girls. “It’s nothing.”

Toby hums once more but does not push you. Deep down though, he knows something is wrong.

And that’s how it carries on. You and Toby meet every so often to work on your presentation and your paper together and your so called friends continually leave you in the dust. Before you know it, you’re spending more and more time with Toby than anyone else, and because of that, you don’t feel nearly as alone as you used to.

From Toby’s perspective, he would never tell you what he thought when he first saw you walk through those doors of the cafe to finally meet him in person.

When he first got that email in regards to him not showing up and worrying you, he’d rolled his eyes and pretended it didn’t matter. It was whatever, who cares? Apparently you. With a slight gripe in the back of his head, he looked you up on social media with the help of a friend named Ben and found all that he needed to know just by looking at your profile. He was almost ashamed to admit how enraptured with you he had become. That’s why he was so adamant you met him at a cafe, where he could spend time with just you.

When he saw you walking through the doors, his eyes scanned over every inch of you. You had a slight bounce in your walk despite it being so chilly.

He wondered if you wanted to be warmed up.

You looked so soft in his eyes, so sweet and so alluring. Just your looks alone was all he needed as water for a growing obsession.

Toby is addictive by nature. Seeing you was what allowed that addiction to take off. When he heard your voice? He felt like he was high.

He knew something was wrong with you when you sighed like that. It was a loaded sigh. Of course, after the two of you parted ways for the night and on good terms, he immediately dug into the lives of your so-called ‘friends.’ Let’s just say that damn near instantly, he did not like them.

Maria, a nursing major. He considered her an air head that wouldn’t get anywhere with substance, and saw that she was much more of a party girl than anything else.

Georgina, another nursing major. Also considered her a lost cause.

Helena, a medical assistant major. Toby considered her the worst one, but it didn’t come at first. He found that girl was vile in every sense. The things he’s overhead her saying about other people? Terrible. The things he’s overhead her saying about you? Absolutely unacceptable.

He noticed her whispers that cut like thorns wrapping around you from the shadows as he sat in class near her, but never next to her. He listened to the filth that poured from her mouth and was able to pick up the conversations from her phone like it was nothing.

And all of that? It lit a fire in him, a fire that would eventually burn her down and scorch her until she was nothing but ashes.

You’re about to head to class and present your final project with Toby. You look like a mess, and it’s not just from the lack of sleep because of your other class’s finals, but because you are absolutely emotionally drained and have nothing left to give. You’d finally formally broken up from those girls, but it did not come without tears.

Reader: hey guys, it’s been a little while, but I just wanted to get some things off of my chest before I call it. First and foremost, I want to thank you for the time we did spend together, but I don’t feel safe or happy anymore. These past few weeks have been nothing but straight ice and being left out and I’m just… I’m tired, for a lack of better words. I know that you don’t really want me around anymore, so I thought I’d just nip this one in the bud before it got out of hand or anything like that. I just - whatever, I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to offend you.

Georgina is typing…

Georgina: Honestly don’t take this the wrong way but you legitimately brought this all onto yourself.

Georgina: you don’t really talk to us the way that we talk to each other

Reader: but you literally never gave me a chance???

Maria: shes right tho,,,,, like, you just always kept to yourself. You didnt really give us anything to go off of

Georgina: right??? And it’s not like she’d actually do any of the things we wanted to do either

Reader: I’m sorry but like, I offered for you guys to come do some things with me and I even asked for you to tell me when you guys were making plans - I would have gone out

Helena: does it even matter now though? You brought literally all of this onto yourself there’s no use for you to just beg us for you to come back lol. Just stop while you’re ahead

Helena: you were never really there to begin with tbh you just kinda existed

Maria: exactly that! Like im glad we’re getting stuff off our chest because omg did you get on my nerves. Always quiet and just watching??? Never saying anything??

Georgina: RIGHT It was like a literal ghost in the room LMFAO

Reader: are you fucking serious right now?

Reader: you’re going to act like this?

Maria: you brought it on yourself

Helena: it was bound to happen

Reader: I cannot believe you guys are acting like such assholes right now

Maria: you did it first though?????

Helena: ^^^^

Georgina: ^^^^

From there, the conversation had delved into them throwing all of their problems onto you. It honestly felt like projecting, but you had a class to go to and project to present and no time to cry.

You wiped your tears, got ready for the day and headed out to your building from out of your dorm. Soon, you would be on break and away from this place that’s driving you up a wall.

You walked across campus and plastered a faint smile on your face as you continued to move through the nippy air. You enjoyed seeing the leaves as they danced on the flowing air and eventually kissed the sidewalk. You could smell pumpkin spice and the remnants of November. What a beautiful season.

Waiting for you outside of Wendell’s Hall was Toby, hands in his pockets as he leaned up against the wall just beside the door.

“Were you waiting for me?” You ask with a small smile.

“Maybe,” he hums with a small smirk. “C-C’mon, it’s a little c-chilly out here,” he says as he gently shuffles you inside after opening the door for you. He watches you carefully as you walk through the halls and find the elevator to get to the sixth floor.

As the two of you wait for the doors to open, Toby checks you over.

“What?” You say with a small chuckle.

“J-Just checking,” Toby hums. “A-Are you okay?” He asks as the doors open. He nods for you to go in first, and then follows in directly after. He watches your finger press the button for six.

“Why?”

“You s-seem a l-little tense,” he says as he looks over you again, his eyes narrowing in on yours. “I-Is it the p-presentation?”

You hold your hand out and make a ‘so-so’ motion. “I guess,” you reply, attempting to shove off anything that might make you cry again. Your eyes are a little dark, and your skin is still soft from the saline, raw from you rubbing those pearls of water with your sleeves repeatedly.

“You w-wanna talk a-about it l-later?” He asks softly, his hand resting warmly on your shoulder as he brings you into his side.

You look up at him and smile. “We’ll see.”

When the doors open, you and Toby quickly make it to your class and are pleased to see there’s spots open and the two of you can sit together. Toby is quick to snag the seats for the both of you and his warm expression falls when he sees Helena waltzing into the room.

Helena sits a little ways from where you and Toby sit before she wiggles her fingers at you like a nonverbal smile before actually turning her lips up in a fake saccharine smile.

You shift uncomfortably and instead focus on your presentation. You feel a little nervous, mostly because Helena is here and this is also a big chunk of your grade. You’re academically passing with flying colors, but a hiccup like this could spell something bad. You breathe out deeply when you feel Toby’s hand resting on your shoulder, grounding you.

“We g-g-got this,” he says with a small smile, squeezing you lightly. “You w-wwanna get it out of the w-w-ay?”

“No,” you reply suddenly. “I just want to see how this goes.”

Toby nods and turns his attention to the other students that continue to walk through the door. “A-Anything for y-y-you,” he says softly.

You barely hear it, but you smile all the same.

Presentations pass in a pretty boring manner. Your professor seems pleased with everyone that presents, and she offers praise and saves the criticism for emails, but so far, it seems like everyone is doing well! You’re almost fully calm by the time you raise your hand to present but when Helena and her partner begin snickering, your heart sinks to your knees.

“Alright, you two are good to go,” your professor says with a warm, reassuring smile on her face after she pulls up your project on the overhead projector. “Giving the remote to Miss Reader, whenever you two are ready.” She holds the remote out to you and then whispers ‘you’re gonna do great’ before taking her seat in the front row.

You silently thank her for her reassurance and then turn your attention to Toby, who begins the presentation.

You make sure to speak clearly and concisely as you present your project, paying close attention to detail and everything that was outlined on the rubric. You watch your professor’s expression light up brighter and brighter as you carry on with your half of the presentation. It seems that she’s really pleased with the both of you, but especially you!

Your big hiccup comes when the questions part of your presentation comes up.

See, prior to this, the questions portion had been empty and pretty dead. But of course, because Helena is here, she’s dead set on making you flop.

When she starts firing questions, you and Toby answer them to the best of your abilities. Admittedly, you are more than mentally dead at this point. With every question that Helena digs into you, you feel your brain cells dying off at an even faster rate. The lights of the projector bore into you and make you dizzy. You’re just… exhausted.

Helena finally poses a question that makes your face heat up. “So?” She taunts, her eyes looking at you innocently. “I just wanna know,” she continues, her eyes flashing.

You should be able to answer this. It’s so simple and right there in your bank of knowledge you just can’t open the vault.

“Miss Reader..?” Your professor quietly asks, pulling you from your thoughts. “Are you able to-” You shake your head, feeling numb and cold all at the same time. “I’m sorry, no,” you whisper. It was one of the first things you learned in the class and one of the most important.

Your professor nods and mouths, ‘don’t worry,’ before turning to the rest of her class. “Alright then, you two are dismissed. Give them a round of applause for their work.”

The applause surrounds you but you do not feel it, and when you move back to your seat, you can’t help but feel embarrassed. The looks that you get from those around you are of pity and ‘she hasn’t learned anything this quarter, has she?’ It makes your face burn with embarrassment and you feel so unnaturally warm because of it. A rush of emotions comes over you when you see Helena’s shifty glances and hear her insipid giggles and you hurriedly get your things together and bolt out of the classroom.

Toby shoots up when you rush out and he’s not able to catch you. Instead, he sits in for the rest of the class to give you some space and anything else the professor may say. His glare is turned on Helena. When she flashes him that same sickly sweet, mocking smile, he sees red.

Class ends shortly after that, the professor clearly uncomfortable with whatever just happened with Helena and Toby is keeping his ire hidden until what comes after he deals with you. He’s got a few choice things in mind he’d like to do to Helena, mostly spinal disfigurement and popping bones from their joints and scattering them across the country, but he knows he has to play this as slimy as she did. He’s already conjuring up ways to academically cripple her.

Toby pushes those thoughts to the side before he makes his way to your dorm. He’s nodding to the guy at the front desk and running up the stairs to find you faster than his thoughts can even gather. He just wants to make sure you’re okay.

He walks through the hall of your floor before going over the room numbers. He’s only been in your dorm once - the two of you tend to spend time with each other outside of the campus. Twenty four hour McDonalds, out and about in the city, public parks, the two of you just like wandering. When he sees the numbers of your dorm, he internally sighs and knocks. “H-Hey, Reader? Y-You in t-t-there?” He asks as he knocks again.

From inside, you shuffle underneath your sheets. He’s here? You don’t answer.

“I j-just want to make s-sure you’re alright,” he continues in a soft voice. “If you n-need space though, I c-c-can go-” he barely makes the motion to move when you open the door just a crack.

You look up at Toby with dark, puffy eyes. You can’t bring yourself to say anything, but he can see that you’ve been through hell and back emotionally. You look like a mess, in less graceful words.

“Oh g-gods,” he murmurs as you push open the door just a bit more. “R-Reader,” he says softly as he takes you into his arms, his shoe gently pushing the door closed as you wrap your arms around his waist, taking in the scent of graphite and sandalwood as you sob into his chest. “What h-happened, s-sweetheart?” He asks softly as he rocks the two of you back and forth.

You continue to cry into his chest and grip onto the back of his hoodie as he gently maneuvers you to the side of your bed to let your tired body rest. “S-She’s so mean!” You cry as you continue to squeeze your eyes shut, still gripping Toby like he’s the only thing grounding you.

“What h-have they d-d-done to you?” He inquires in a tone just a little louder than a whisper. Internally, he knows he’ll make all three of those demons suffer and leave the school, by any means necessary. He just wants to hear it from you to know how hard he needs to fuck up their lives. Judging by this interaction alone? It’s monumental.

You then go into a painful detailing of everything those girls have ever made you feel, at one point even bringing up the chats you have saved on your phone. Your breathing begins to even, but Toby’s vision grows redder and redder.

He listens to everything you say as you recount your pain to him and he grits his teeth. Especially those chats - those are unforgivable.

You’re exhausted by the time you finally finish telling him everything they’ve made you feel and the things they’ve done to make you feel this way. You finish it with just a few more words. “They make me feel so small,” you admit through sniffles and broken breaths. “They just - they made me feel so left out and so insignificant,” you admit, still wiping away tears.

Toby holds you tighter before one of his hands reaches up to cup your cheek. “N-No! You’re n-not insignificant, you’re e-everything and m-more,” he begins to ramble. “Y-You’re s-s-so smart and p-put together and o-on top of i-it,” he continues, his thumb wiping away your residual tears.

“You’re just saying that-”

“I w-would never,” he cuts you off in a tone that’s more serious than he intended. “I m-mean everything I s-s-say and those g-girls suck. They d-don’t hold a candle to you,” he says as he cups your face.

“Toby…”

Toby hushes you by pressing a soft, almost scared he might spook you kiss to your lips as if he’s testing the waters. When you make no motion to fight him, he presses just a little more fervently before pulling away, leaving you with stars in your eyes. “I’ll handle e-e-everything, okay?” He promises softly, watching as the stars fade to exhaustion. “G-Get some r-r-rest,” he coos.

You allow him to lay you down as he moves the blankets to cover you before he gets up to turn off the lights. “You’re going to handle it?” You whisper as you allow sleep to veil over your body.

“Y-Yes, I’ll handle e-e-everything,” he promises again, flicking the lights off.

Toby fumbles through the dark for just a moment before slipping back into bed with you, allowing you to wrap around him like an octopus. He cradles you in his arms, his lips pressing to your forehead. “Sleepy t-time,” he mumbles as you cuddle into his chest.

You smile softly and feel your body go light, only anchored by Toby’s warm embrace.

[theyarebothgunshot]

this is exactly how it went down in my head.

misha: hey, everything okay? do you need me to do something?

jensen: no, lay low. we’re figuring it out.

misha: got it.

— the next day —

misha: things settled. should i say anything? draw attention? stay neutral?

jensen: you don’t have to, but if you want, tread lightly. we’ve had enough chaos.

misha: say no more.

when nobody got your back you KNOW dmitri got your back.

ANYWAYS i turned my back for TWO MINUTES and y'all went the fuck off in my inbox so, you know the drill: more under the cut

NO BUT JENSEN’S RESPONSE LMAAAAAO honestly fallout theory is so on oh my God I can’t stop-

on god they are so loud like-

Worst damage control i've ever seen. god bles.

so true bestie

I think Jensen probably just wants to be done with this petty little drama, so if he has to pretend everything between them is okay he is going to be the bigger man and lay it to rest. Whatever is going on between them he definitely doesn't want to sort that out on social media and the earlier he pretends everything is sorted out the earlier people will forget about it again.

Also it's kinda funny how J*red Tweet was like implying they had a misunderstanding but still talk to each other regularly, while Jensen went full on the we grow apart a little bit, because we were busy, let's catch back up. Makes me wonder if they actually talked or if there managers just said hey that's not good pr, let's put that to rest. Also did J*red know before yesterday that they had a falling out or did he just not realize.

- 🐌 anon

literally jensen went out of his way to say 'uhhh we never talk, worstie' god if pr management is involved then they did a bad job. also j*red still does not realise they have fallen out. jshfjdsfh

Jackles was like God bless but we ain’t talking like this worstie

good for her.gif

csdsc heeft gevraagd:

All I need now is for Misha to tweet “ is it safe to come out now?” And I’ll be complete lmfao 😂😂😂

that would have been better than what we got lmfao

I have one fear and it's Jensen being forced to add j*red to his show and his other projects because he couldn't stop whining like a baby,,, ugh i hate him

i pretend i do not see

Kinda selfish of me tbh but i don't want them to be "friends" again, Jensen sweetie run as fast as you can

co-signed

Ok Jensen's answer to Jared tweet made me feel so bad for him. Like, I can see it's damage control and public relations (obviously) but there's stuff behind it. I can't name it, but idk, I felt terrible for texas man this time, I don't think that reply was written with a "love and light energy" or even without much care. I felt some heavy vibes.

- 🌻, who is now a fortune teller and a prophet apparently

yeah i feel hella bad for him to, for having to deal with this shit. nonnie please if you ever have anything to predict, lemme know sjdfhs

You know Jensen's tweet has the energy of like kindergarten wenn an other kid started a fight with you and the kindergarten teacher wants you to forgive each other and hung it out and you really don't want to, but your kindergarten teacher is being annoying and he isn't worth the annoyance either.

- 🐌 anon

you are not wrong

Incredibly thankful that I have the day off from work 😂 I'm with hatching chick anon, the 3 dots read as passive aggressive/insincere to me, and I love it! I haven't spent this many hours on tumblr since I first discovered cockles! (On a side note, the lack of fimmf posts today has me feeling like it's not friday lol) -🐢

i, too, miss fimmf but alas things happen, they do they do they do

I was right. :(

It got almost romantic...

👀

nonnie you know i love you but this is really not the case, like, at all??? idk how you could look at those tweets and think it was almost romantic. it was THEE most scripted, pr bullshit ever. it was staged and fake. idk what else to tell ya

Danneel liked Jensen's tweet

i saw

That is so so awkward I feel so sorry for all of us being exposed to this and so happy I chose to leave the Internet for half a day - tea anon

god bless your stance on that cause i would have hated missing out on this lmao

You know what? I think it’s okay being a 38 year old moron if you’re bringing us this type of content

im happy with the food but still think its not okay tbh

pspspsps Misha this is the perfect day for you to drop the gay Cas essay pspspspsp it is still pride month pspspsps

you know you want to king pspsps

So that JIB6 link (I think it was from your post, right?). I went and watched that bit, and a little more.

Jensen makes a comment about Jared being first on the call sheet because Sam was supposed to be the main focal character.

And that him nor Misha cared about what number they were, so in all that time it never changed.

And I’ll be… if that just doesn’t perfectly sum them up and their feelings on things. And how a certain someone can be petty… 🦚

idk if it was from my post? but maybe? my analysis probably? but yeah things are making more and more sense huh

Ohh that's also an alien? Welcome to the extraterrestial family then, purple alien anon!

Also it's probably because I'm coming off the high this drama gave me but I'm not looking forward to them trying so hard to convince us everything is normal between them. Even though we now Know, they will have to keep pretending. Today (yesterday?) was a shitshow but some masks fell off, at least for a moment and I kinda wish Jensen was less professional 😂

👽

oh for real, fallout theory IS confirmed and nothing they said today will change my mind, it only made me believe in it even more lmfao and with that in mind i am just gonna sip my tea if they try to be buddy buddy on main again

I THINK MISHA UNRETWEETED BUT HE TWEETED "LOVE AND MISS YOU BOTH" I'M LOSING MY DIGNITY HERE - tea anon

yeah he now answered them sjdfhsjfhsf instead of rt

MISHA COLLINS IS A KING I STAN THE RIGHT MAN

YOU SURE DO

I just know Misha’s process was oh crap I have to let people know I’m supporting them and I can’t choose sides. Ok. Retweet. NO. Delete. I love both of you. Yes, good.

sjdfsdfh this makes me think of that post that dissected jackles' birthday post for misha where he used the heart. 'call him bro, that makes it less obvious. nailed it.'

Lol I'm off for a few days and come back to total chaos... God I missed it here

Like the "et tu... #bravo" tweet? Made my day! Frikking hilarious (every time I see it I picture J*red with a pissy frech accent saying it out loud lol) it's just such an incredibly petty hissy fit he threw (I know he tweeted more later on but... Really all that stuff coming afterwards just sounds like damage control)

Missed you Rose

-🐻

LOVE the french accent detail im gonna do this too sdjfhsjfh missed you toooo!!!!

Oh man Misha is really gonna get hate for that I KNOW IT

sigh well. nothing he isnt used to by now, unfortunately

i mean i believe they feel like brothers, but constantly falling back on the “brother” thing to keep up appearances is really starting to feel like “#spnfamily” at this point.

honestly brothers can be very annoying, or so i have heard, so it fits with the fallout theory lmao

They actually said if we’re gonna make this gay we cannot have Jar*d Pad*lecki involved

oh my God this is the funniest timeline to ever exist God bless I’m just waiting to canon bi Mary

king shit tbh

[kookie-doughs]

Beta Tester

Kozume Kenma X Reader

-YN LN is a popular mangaka

Chapter 16: Stage

Seeing you running towards him made Kenma frown.

"Kenma!" You waved. "Thank you for not leaving yet!"

Ignoring you he continued to walk towards the direction of the stage.

You pouted and crossed your arms. "You know... As sorry as I am for that kiss I really don't regret it."

Jogging up in front of him with a shit eating grin, you positioned yourself in front of him where he'd have no choice but to look at you while you looked at him. His ears were slightly red without a doubt but who were you kidding yours were too.

Kenma cleared his throat, "Good for you then. Now get out of the way so I could get out of here. "

"And honestly I liked that kiss." You continued determined to see him flustered again. "Your lips were soft and I bet my ass you're a great kisser. I rate you 10/10 would do it again."

With a glare he looked at you straight in the eyes, "So do it pussy." Then went ahead before you could see the red settling on his face.

"I- Wh- Excuse me- Wh- Huh? K-Ken- Kenma!!" You squeaked as you chased after him.

"I said what I said."

You finally caught up to him when he was about to climb the stairs towards the stage. Luckily(?) you also have to go up with him.

"Ehh... Where's the flustered Kenma? I wanted to see you all blushy and panicked. You looked so adorable. I don't want hot daddy Dom Kenma. I want cute baby sub Kenma..."

As he was halfway up the stairs your height gap grew and he was way over you. He just looked down on you, leaning closer the gap barely existent he smirked.

"Too bad." Then turned away.

There were a handful of people who saw the scene. Which made you more embarrassed. Holy shit you acted all alpha online only to be dominated by a hermit named Kozume Kenma.

Boy were you happy. You'd happily submit to him.

"Let us all welcome the two people who made the game possible! YN LN and Kozume Kenma!!"

You might be confused why you two were the ones going and why you were introduced like that.

As you are the creator of Puri-Puri you of course are the reason why this game existed.

But Kenma came here as he's the biggest investor, the face of the game and no one else wanted to go. So yeah...

As you two came up the stage you were just wishing the blush from the scene a few moments ago. The cameras flashed and claps were heard.

"Shit the media is here..." You mumbled.

"Your surprised, why?" Kenma gave you an amused and disappointed look. No idea how he managed to do that but he did.

"Shut the fuck up. I just got a feeling the questions won't be about the game thanks to the media."

"So you do think sometimes..."

"You want me to hit you?"

A clearing of throat behind you stopped your argument. It was Akaashi handing you both microphones to be clipped on you [I'm sorry I dont know what they're called] .

"Good luck, don't do and say anything stupid. And remember this is the release of PPM's demo." He reminded and got off the stage.

"Good evening to you all! I hope you've been having a great time!" I started.

"We'd like to thank you again for attending the release of PPM's demo."

"Now of course the game is yet to be played but from the trailer that was shown, I hope you had enjoyed it since the game is going to be much better than the trailer!"

"I'm sure you all must've questions as well. That's why Me and your idi-- dear author will answer."

"You definitely were about to call me idiot." You frowned at him.

He smirked and shrugged. "I have not a slightest idea what you mean."

"You're the worst."

Ignoring you... Again. He motioned at one of the reporters to probably ask their question.

"Ms. LN, as the initial plot of the Puri-Puri Magika is about [REDACTED], and the trailer we saw have quite a large difference from one another only having the universe in similarty. Is it just the universe of the similar one to the manga? "

"Of course the plot would be different. It disappoints me quite a bit that none of you realized how they're connected aside from the universe. Well, I don't really want to spoil you but if you actually read the Manga and saw the trailer," You gave a proud smirk. "Everyone that was a fan of PPM in the team were ecstatic. They were all just-" You mimicked a mind blown. "They were so excited about the game and a those."

"Thank you Ms. LN."

"Next please."

"Mr. Kozume," the next one called. "You were neither a fan of YN, nor PPM, why did you decide to not only beta test the game but sponsor and invest big sum of money on the game."

"We--"

"No wait ! I want to answer some of those questions!" You cut off cackling. "The one about him investing and him beta testing! It's actually an annoying and Hella funny story."

"No I was a--"

"Shut up you'll probably lie."

"Shut up." Kenma now had his ears red. "Don't you--"

"He was the biggest asshole back then!"

"Stop talking."

"He fucking beta tested despite not knowing shit about PPM because it was the biggest game. And he just banwagoned  on it like a bitch he was."

"I did not. I had some clues about you Manga."

"You did not know shit about PPM cut yo bullshit. You didn't even know who the MC was!"

"Shut up."

"That's why he beta tested! Now the reason why he invested is really hilarious!"

"I really hate this story..."

"This was the reason why Kenma became Bae too! We didn't know shit about how to contact Kenma, we only had his email address and his social media. Keep that in mind. "

"So since he didn't know shit about PPM he really couldn't care about the plot and just looked for bugs and shit. He wasn't even aware of the bugs in the plot since he didn't know which what was supposed to be part of the plot and not. This bitch ass decided there wasn't any bugs anymore so we went with that. But then we had to play it and saw a shit ton of bugs."

"I said there were some bugs don't make me seems so stupid."

"You didn't even inform us about the glitch at the time skip part! That could've ruined the entire thing! Anywayz, so we had to code the game again. So we emailed him that there were way too many bugs other than what he told us so the next testing would be later. But the asshole never replied. And since I was the one entasked to guide this bitch ass, I  had to flood his email! And he didn't respond! Not once! It had been DAYS! I send him at least 20 emails everyday! I have up on the 3-4th day and DMed him on Twitter."

"I really hate this part."

"No. No. This is the best part. Do y'all remember that one trending #KodzuGone started by Tenma? It's because, this asshole never responded to our emails so I DMed him all the shit important shit in the emails. Then this bitch fucking blocked me! I fucking rante to Tenma and he canceled Kenma like he deserved to! I was panicking about it since Mr. Suzumiya told me that Kenma could be a potential investor if he wanted. And I needed cash... "

"Do not call me that publicly. You are disgusting."

"He went full sugar daddy on me!" You cackled. "His entire squad had betrayed him! They were canceling him so he just fucking slid into my DMs apologizing about the shit he did and I told him, bitch I'm coming over there and see you play this fucking game or I will not stop this canceling and make it worse. So he was forced to telll me his address and I'm not sure if yall saw the live but it was hot shit. The next day he bought all the copies of PPM at this one store and gave them to me and then he invested shit ton of money on my on going works, bought me a new tablet, paid my Keiji bills, and many other shit. Yall would die to have him as sugar daddy I'm telling you. Ya don't even have to give him sugar for the treats. "

"That was the biggest mistake I made."

"Awwe, but thanks to that we're closer than ever. "

"Exactly my point."

"Thank you for answering Ms. LN."

"I hate you so much." Kenma sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No you don't. Admit it you love me."

"I really don't. Next question please."

"A-Ah, my initial question was actually answered in the previous question. It about your live. Now my question is, Ms LN and Mr. Kozume, is your relationship really a platonic one or a romantic one? "

"Okay, babe," You chuckled. "my man won't even let me breathe the same air he does. Ya think we're dating?"

"Well your right."

"What?"

"Excuse me?"

"Huh?! " You exclaimed a little louder than you thought since the mic made a loud noise.

"The relationship we have is both platonic and romantic. As labels aren't placed we share a romantic relationship." Kenma smirked.

You looked at him and the crowd with a clear eminent blush. "I-I I- Wh-"

Pulling you closer to him and turning around so the crowd won't see you both. He lowered the mic to prevent them from hearing.

"I wanted to see you all blushy and panicked . You look adorable." He whispered to your ear before facing the crowd again who were now going crazy over what Kenma had just confirmed.

"Y-You're an asshole..."

"Yeah, an asshole who..." lowering his mic again he leaned to your ear. "Still has your favorite onsie at his place. You really shouldn't have left it at my place. I'm so tempted to burn it."

"You leave my onsie alone! I will drown your consoles."

"With that threat, you're suddenly stripped of your house visit privileges."

"W-Why would you say we're dating?!"

"I didn't. I just said we both share a romantic and platonic relationship with no labels. I technically didn't lie too."

"Why did you do this?"

"Aside from wanting to see you all flustered? I'm probably drunk." Kenma smiled and turned to the crowd again. "Next question please."

Previous | Masterlist | Next

I'm sorry lately there's been to many words and less pictures it's just that... Idk

Lol I'm sorry this was supposed to be smau but there's been too many words

Ooc Kenma is shit so I made him drunk

-kookie-doughs

Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @synx-ed @normalisthenewnorm @0majuh0 @leachann @nikanikabitch @almondeupeach @immxnty @mer-majesty @yamayoomi @simpingoveranime-men @lostmarimoismyhubby @mariishat @just-snog-already

[youwontlikethisblog]

Hey! I just wanted to update y'all, I'm alive.

Thanks to God my family and I didn't get severely sick with covid. However my dad(got tested for covid came out negative), my mom, and younger brother now have a cold, yay!(not) It really boggles my mind how we used to go out without masks during cold and flu season. I used to quarantine myself back when I'd get the flu or a cold because I just hated the idea of getting a loved one sick, even though they weren't high risk for the flu.

I've got a lot of opinions on Covid but I think I can say for all of us that one of the reasons we get on social media is to just numb out from what's going on in the real world so for now I'll say: People, please wear your mask, be it surgical or respirators, please wear them, properly, and take care of them(even if mask mandates are being lifted, you could save someone's life).

I've been writing a lot more, which I had forgotten how much I loved. It's been helping me escape the funk I've been since getting sick.

I guess since I use this blog to also vent out my thoughts I should also mention that nearly every week I have had near attempts or attempted to exit my life movie. No one aside from my parents, and three friends know and it's kind of bizarre. Every other day I think to myself "Wow I shouldn't be watching this tiktok, I was almost gone. What would life be, had I?" and it's like living in this world of every day is a brand new day and I should celebrate it but I still feel empty inside and don't know what I should celebrate.

It's funny, or ironic, a few years ago, I might have actually done it but these past times every time I've been close to it something manages to pull me away from that ledge. I truly believe a strong relationship with God is what helps pulls us out of our darkest moments(I know, you may ask if that's true then why does God cause suffering? The short answer to that is that God doesn't cause suffering and if you want a long answer I'm more than happy to explain it(I've studied it)). I didn't hear a voice, no angle or light appeared before me or anything like so many people say. I've had near death experiences, I've attempted in the past and not one of those was "an angle of God or Gods voice spoke to me." it's hard to word and hard to explain but basically my faith, in a better future where I won't have to deal with what I do, and how God has helped me so much throughout my life, helped me be able to be rational. In a moment when I had no rational thought in me, his promises were my rational voice.

It's weird too because I thought about texting a really good friend of mine about it but I felt like it had been years since I had been in a crisis like that that I would be interrupting her life and worrying her. I thought about texting my ex-bst(We've sort of mended things and talk now) but I didn't want her to think I was doing it out of guilting her or looking for her pity so I didn't tell her and I didn't want to worry my parents at all. Isn't that funny? While I was drowning in this sea of sorrow, I was too worried about how everyone else would feel regarding what I felt. A part of me says "wow how selfless of me" and another "how self-absorbed are you?". Mental illness is engulfing and I don't think people understand how paralyzing it is.

When you're in a crisis and you've learned or trained yourself to think "I don't want attention for this because it's not that bad, I don't have it as bad." you don't reach out to your safety net and especially when three years prior to that you pushed everyone away. So yeah, I can say with true conviction that I didn't pull myself away from that ledge. It was God and every day since, he still continues to be the voice of reason in me.

I'm alive, trying, to live each day. If not, survive each hour.

Sorry that I haven't posted any YSBLF content. This isn't my typical depressive episode.

[yanderecandystore]

The bullies with an S/O that’s just completely off the board? Like no matter how much they look the bullies can’t find /anything/ on them, all their school papers are forged and their home just isn’t able to be found no matter how hard they look? Maybe due to the S/O changing their identity after doing something bad?

That's hella specific and I love it?? XD

Sure thing boo, let me see what I can do.

Also, I'll change the ocs profiles to be paper drawings with digital coloring because believe me boo, I'm tired of redrawing them (and I believe y'all are tired of always seeing these new drawings).

I noticed that my paper art is a lot better than my digital art, and although I'm kinda proud of them I still feel a little petty because I wish to do cool stuff on the computer ;-;.

Anyway, just a heads-up if you see something off with the oc's bios.

TW/Tags: I have no idea what to tag this lmao // identity theft // illegal/unauthorized inscription // not an accurate representation of university/how universities work lol // abusive household/abusive parents // I may or may not have changed your concept a little, I'm sorry for it 😔

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Suspicion (fuck yeah, I don't know what to title this) [Yandere!Bully OC x Reader - Headcanon]:

→Adrien Coldwell:

For a person that prides themselves as the "know it all" when it comes to people's social media and reputation, he doesn't know anything about you.

This is a first for him, which is both annoying and honestly so intriguing. You didn't strike him as a person who would hide any secrets, and he had a hunch this was about to be good.

He searched for social media first, not finding anything about Avery Remington. Well, at least nothing with your face on it.

However, he did find something very, very interesting while looking at the school's documents, specifically the archives of all the students that have already studied here. He honestly didn't think he would find anything about you in these old papers, he was probably doing all this stupid work for nothing.

However, he was half right and half wrong. He didn't find anything about you, but this whole search wasn't completely lost, as he did find "you", Avery.

"- Student name Avery Remington, average grades and apparently no history of wrong doings or any bad behavior in general. Their registration to the Academy dates to 1980."

Oh. Ooooh, this was rich.

"- Huh." He said closing the documents and letting it where he found it. He was at least kind enough to let the palace a little organize after going through each paper trying to find your name.

Well, "your name". The only things that he kept for himself was photos of both the old documents about Avery Remington, and the earlier documents about Avery Remington. It was clear that you did something probably really, really bad, and you know he'll take advantage of it.

He had built his own theory about this, as in: you somehow found the paperwork of Avery's registration and their previous school's records so you could somehow impersonate them and get a free entrance to this institution.

He knew that you had something to hide, no one can be so perfect. But knowing the action itself wasn't enough for him, he needed to know the motive behind it.

For someone that is lazy and doesn't bother to care about important things, he sure spent a lot of time trying to scoop some dirt on you. When he finds the perfect opportunity, without any witness around, he'll take the chance to use this information against you.

"- Well, hello "Avery"." His tone was already suspicious, his voice not hiding anything from you. He came here to belittle you for his own entertainment.

"- H-Hi Adrien." You said shyly, hoping that your anxious mind was wrong and that this was all just a misunderstanding. You were hoping that the growing feeling of him possibly knowing about your fraud, was wrong.

"- Ya know, I'm kinda jealous of whatever plastic surgery you went through to look so young, maybe you should ask the faculty to correct your age tho." He said while showing the pictures he took of the documents.

"- Wait! I-I can-"

"- Honestly, I didn't think you were over 60 years old! Could have fooled me." His smug face was the selling point. You knew that you wouldn't find any form to convince him that what was on his phone was false.

He had a victorious smile on his face. Ever since you entered this school you always acted a little too paranoid and almost too friendly for his liking, and to confess to himself that he has fallen for you would be the bottom of the pit to him.

Still, he wanted to know why you did it. Why didn't you pay to get in if you wanted the scholarship so badly? What, you were too poor for it?

And what about a talent, or the test? Obviously, the university hasn't gone out of their way to pick a loser like you and insert you inside their classes on a whim, as they thought you were Avery Remington, a student that is already registered in school's documents (yet, of course, their system haven't verified the date of the registration, either by incompetence or by a "small mistake"). So you didn't do the test too, simply pathetic honestly.

Your sad dramatic story explaining how you managed to get into the academy. You did your best to get into the academy by legal means, but they always rejected you. Apparently you thought it would be a good idea to use your grandparent's documents to squeeze yourself into the institution.

"- But why in hell would you do such a thing? Are you that pathetic dearest?"

"- I… I wanted somewhere to go. Somewhere I could grow into a better person, a-away from-" You cut yourself short when the memories of your old home started to come into view.

For some reason, your parents couldn't stand the idea of you getting into a decent university, if anything, they thought you weren't capable of even washing some dishes at the local pizzeria. In their eyes, you were worthless.

When you found out your grandparent used to frequent this institution, and that they managed to disattached themselves from their familial routes and thrive as a musician you got instantly inspired! Determined to follow their steps and prove your family that you're just as worth ass-

"- Urghhhh- Boring! I don't care about all of that. Are you serious? You committed a crime just so you could stick it up to your shitty parents?"

"- …. Yes?"

"- Huh. Geez you're cooler than I thought. Listen, how about we make a deal?"

The deal was simple, he would not tell anyone about your little secret, and he would even help you keep your scholarship and help you reach your ambitions as long as you started spending more time with him. Which, at first you thought it sounded absurd, this man is holding your whole life by a thin thread as long as you give him attention?? What?!

And although that sounded extremely suspicious, you accepted it, not knowing that for the next few years you would have to endure a harsh training to discover your talents and to improve them before you two graduated. However, you started to think Adrien was starting to see your deal in a different light-

"- Come on now, after this we can go eat something okay? Where would you like to go this time? Our last date I chose the best restaurant I know, so you better choose something of equal value."

…. Date?

→Alexandra Coldwell:

You were suspicious from the very start. Overly friendly and too- Ugh! Too cute?!

You were always skittish whenever someone called you. What, you had a problem with your name or something?

And the worst part was how no one seemed to know where you lived. Every group project with you was considered annoying by most of your classmates, as you never called people in your house or never let anyone have your address, not even your phone number??

You didn't have any social media, what are you, a weirdo? What the hell??!

She is not even pissed about you being a loser, she is pissed that she has fallen for someone like you! A complete weirdo that was always panicking over nothing.

She started stalking you with the intention of finding at least one thing that she could hate on you so she wouldn't feel so- Lovey dovey towards you!

But what she really found was something worth an entire gold mine.

A private phone call between you and someone who was losing their shit. She couldn't understand too much of the conversation as she didn't have any context, yet she could hear a lot of things that you and the person were discussing.

The person yelled [Y/N] multiple times while in the phone call, saying how you were absolutely the worst mistake of their lives (which by the way, rude much? Who is this asshole?), that you were a selfish brat that needed to learn to appreciate their hard work.

Oh… Oh. She now knows who you're talking with. She decided to record the entire thing the moment she saw you taking your cellphone to have a private call.

She was planning on recording your voice for her own hearing pleasure, but this? This was so… Interesting.

"- [Y/N]?" She called your attention after the conversation ended, and because you haven't been accustomed to people calling you "Avery", you turned around saying "what" instinctively.

And when you noticed Alexandra smirk for a split second, you regretted answering your parents call. Not that you needed anymore reason to regret it, but this was certainly the last nail in the coffin.

You begged for her to understand that you couldn't go back, you simply can't go back to them, ever again! You told her the whole sob story about how your grandparent had decided to run away from home and fulfil their own dreams as a musician, even if people didn't really hear their music all that much, and now that you think about it, that's probably the reason why no one have recognized their name at all.

Your grandparent had a really small fanbase, and you knew that because you were part of them. They weren't popular at all compared to Amaryllis Academy standards, yet they were happy singing their songs to the world.

You kinda wish your family hasn't broken the old recorder that belonged to your grandparent. Their first album was in there, it was cheesy and filled with errors, yet they sounded so happy when doing what they loved, and you wanted something like that for yourself!

You needed to live that hell hole and so you did. You rented a small apartment that was falling apart, the reason why you never gave people your address was because you knew they would bully the hell out of you because of how poor you are.

After finishing your story you noticed Alexandra snoring beside you. You thought she was only exaggerating, but then you saw her drooling and acting really dizzy after you woke her up.

"- Oh my God, so… That was it? You ran away to follow your dreams and stuff?" She asked, still kinda sleepy.

"- What? Of course it was-" You were fuming with anger, how dare she-

"- And I thought you only looked cool because I liked you! You're pretty strong for sticking up for yourself." She interrupted you, looking at you with admiration in her eyes.

She proposed to you a deal. How about you two keep this secret together, and, if anything does happen she'll still help you stay inside the institution. However, you'll need to work your ass out to become the best you can be, and you'll let her guide you through, because you're too much of a dummy to do it all by yourself. You'll have to spend time with her and let her help you out.

At first, you thought it sounded absurd, this woman is holding your whole life by a thin thread as long as you give her attention?? What?!

And although that sounded extremely suspicious, you accepted it, not knowing that for the next few years you would have to endure a harsh training to discover your talents and to improve them before you two graduated. However, you started to think Alexandra was starting to see your deal in a different light-

"- Why you never hold my hand? Come on, "Avery", won't you hold the hand of your dearest girlfriend?" She asked playfully while taking your hand anyway.

…. Girlfriend?

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[shay-iamiam]

Communication

|

Pairings : Dom! Steve | 18+

Summary : Steve is gentle until he's not. You always push his buttons and it's about to time you had a reminder of what's waiting at home.

A/n: @great-neckpectations Had this amazing request that she actually thought I could write (somebody actually had faith in me lmao.) I hope I this justice. ( I'm gonna run away frim my phone now lmao. Hoping y'all don't this.)

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Self indulging fics Masterlist

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Three hours.

Not one phone call, not one text message. Not one post on any of your social media accounts. Three hours that Steve was frantically trying to find you.

All his texts went unanswered. All his calls forwarded straight to your voicemail. The last three hours of stress Steve felt slowly began to piss him off.  

Steve loved that you were independent. That's what drew him in like a month to a flame. Your ability to be carefree but also chew someone the fuck out if they stepped out of bonds with you. Your brattiness and your mouth. Your need to always run it was the cause & reason behind the majority of his hard ons.

But when it came to him being your dom the rules were set in stone.

Your brattiness and your mouth. Your need to always run it drove him wild. He wanted you to be a good girl and listen to Daddy's rule's. But at the center of your core you loved disobeying him just a little bit.

Steve was a patient man. He was always gentle with you. He never wanted to pressure or control you. Which was what currently was confusing him. Why would you up and disappear like this?

Steve managed to trace your phone to some hole in the wall club I'm Brooklyn. He mounted his bike and speed across the city to get to you.

The club wreaked of cheap booze and cigarettes. Steve hated bars and clubs you knew that so why would you purposely disappear to one.

Steve stalked his way into the bar. The dim lighting made it hard to see. The music was to loud the people where to wild. Every step he took deeper inside the bar only chipped away at his resolve little more.

Steve went up to the bar hoping someone working at the club recognized you.

"Yeah some guy just asked her danced. She's over there somewhere.” The bartender pointed to the dance floor where you were throwing it back on some dude.

Steve stomped over to where you we're letting some random guy touch your body. Steve only saw him touching what belonged to him.

You were suddenly turned back from your dancing only to see a very upset Steve standing in front of you.

"I'm not happy with you right now." Steve voice was low and steady. He was a little to calm. You knew you fucked up when he mentioned not being able to reach you.

"You didn't answer any of my calls and not one of my text's." Steve was fuming.

"You got a good reason why you didn't answer baby? Huh."

You didn't speak. You just stood there listening to the anger laced in his voice. You didn't know if you should be scare or horny. Actually you felt a mix between the two.

You knew how Steve felt about your safety. It wasn't that he wanted to control you. He just wanted  to protect you. Knowing that you were safe wherever you were always set his mind at ease.

Until you decide to purposely turn your phone off and leave without saying anything. That's where you screwed up.

"Where leaving now." With a tug on your hand Steve lead you right out of the little whole in the wall you made your residence in.

Steve placed your helmet on your head. Making sure the straps where secure enough before mounting his bike.

You held on tight as Steve zipped through the busy New York Traffic. He pulled his bike into the garage, mounting off the bike pulling you along with him to elevator. Steve punched the button waiting for the doors to close.

The ride up to your shared floor was quite. You knew you'd pissed Steve off. He hadn't said one word to you since he pulled off from the bar.

The door slammed roughly causing the photos littered amongst the walls to shake.  

You followed Steve back to your room. Steve sat on the end of the bed. He took his boots off placing then to the side. He knew your mind was racing trying to figure out what your punishment would be.

"Strip. The only thing I want to see on you is your painties" Steve pointed to a spot that he wanted you to stand in while you undressed.

You tried to turn your back to him. But he wasn't having it.

"No need to be shy now. You weren't shy in the bar earlier." Steve was growing more irritated by the second.

Once you removed your clothes you stood there watching Steve. His face was unreadable. You didn't know what your punishment would be.

It felt like forever had passed before Steve spoke to you. He started at you while you waited anxiously for his next command.

Steve spread his thighs, motioning you over to him. "Lay down. This is a  little reminder. So next time you don't forget what you have waiting at home." Steve hand came down hard on your ass. The smack of his hand jumped across the room.

You tried to hold in your yelp at the first hit. You didn't want Steve to think you where enjoying this even though you where.

"Don't be quiet now. Any other time your mouthing on." You whimperd when his hand came down on your ass again.

"Daddy's been real patient with you tonight. You didn't answer any of my phone calls *smack" or texts."  He growled.

"You didn't follow any of the rules. That's a big no no baby." Steve spread your legs looking down at your soaked core. He couldn't believe you where already this wet. Seeing you like that only drove him even further.

"And you were giving another man what only belongs to Daddy."  Steve sucked his teeth as he thought back on your behavior.

"I don't think so."

"How do you think that made daddy feel? Huh."  You where a mess tears began to gather in your eyes. Steve's hand was steady after every smack he would rub your tender skin. His voice was as taunting

"Answer me."

"It- it made you feel bad." You sobbed out over his lap. You were ready to burst just from his hand on your ass.

"Your right it did baby. Daddy didn't like seeing you letting someone else touch you."

"But you won't do that again will you baby? Answer daddy."  his voice was soft and gentle all of a sudden. Like he knew you wouldn't make that mistake again.

"No I won't. Never again. I'm yours. All of me is yours."  You cried out, spreading your legs further apart.

"Don't forget it."

"I think you learned your lesson." Steve laid back on pulling you along with him.

"Now be a good girl and get to work." He retorted.

Steve placed his hands behind his head. It drove you wild when you rode Steve. The way he looked at you made you feel like your skin was on fire. It was a reward after the roughness on your backside.

You were still sensitive from Steve's spanking. Your skin burned a little bit with every moment. You straddle Steve sitting down slowly across him.

Steve notice that you where a little sore. He made a mental note to rub you down with aloe vera after.

"Wanna see you wrecked while your riding Daddy's cock." Steve pinched your perk nipples. Your head flew back at the pinch of sensation.

You where already sensitive due to Steve's punishment if you rode him like you wanted to than this wouldn't last long. You placed your hands over Steve's chiseled chest. Laying the palms of your hands down you sunk down onto Steve's long girth.

When you bottomed out you and Steve moaned out in unison.

Steve was in a blissed out haze. He watched with hooded eyes as tried to control your breathing. You where already wrecked and all he did was smack your ass a couple of times.

You had your sub space and he was in his blissed out Dom space.

You picked up the pace. Rocking your body back and forth grinding down hard. The drag of Steve's cock inside you knocked the air from your lungs.

Steve's gentle side began to shine through. His rough exterior you previously saw melted away. The side of him that told you he loved when you rode him and how cute you looked when you came.

He looked at you like you hung the stars and moon in the sky. This was the side of Steve he only gave to you.

The rest of the world saw him as a man of strength and honor. He was those things but he also wanted someone to take care of him the same way he took care of you.

The only sound that could be heard was yours and Steve skin connecting as you bounced up and down of his cock.

"Fuc- fuck baby. Keep going." Steve pulled at your nipples.

"You love riding Daddy's cock don't you?" You could only nod your head quickly your voice was completely gone. You loved when Steve got like this. That only meant he was close to cumming.

"Are you close to baby? Daddy's ready to cum." He wrapped his hand around your hips thrusting up into you. Pulling you down harder on his hips.

"I'm- I'm ready daddy. Fuck I'm ready."

"Come on baby. Soak daddy than."  The way he commanded you to cum. Only made your orgasm stronger.

One moment you could hear Steve crying out and the next you heard nothing.

________

You woke up to a warm towel being rubbed between your legs.

"I brought some aloe to help with the soreness. Once I'm done cleaning you up I'll rub you down."

"You're too good to me. I'm sorry for running off like that. I just had a shit day."  

"It's okay Y/n. You just scared me there for a moment. I wanted to make sure you where good and you didn't answer."  Steve couldn't help but worry. He worried that you would wake up one day and realize you didn't want him.

You knew him like that back of your hand.

Steve was a worry wart as you liked to call him.

"You know I'm always good when I'm with you." You looked over at him. And Steve couldn't help but smile. He knew he was good when he was with you. And he hoped that would never change.

_______

Self indulging fics Masterlist

A/n: When you leave feedback my heart skips a beat. I die for a minute. But foreal I really love hearing from y'all! Anything y'all say even a gif makes my day.

[seouledbysisi]

New World

Chapter 2

NCT 127

The guys had a very busy day ahead of them. It was six A.M. Saturday morning and they still hadn't picked an actual winner. There were so many great entries but they did have both cities narrowed down to three potentials. They met up at the company to speak to their management.

They all bowed as they entered the meeting room and grabbed a seat.

“So, today is one of many days! You guys ready to make some dreams come true?” One of their managers asked.

They all began to look around at each other in silence.

The manager lifted an eyebrow. “What's the problem?”

“It's just really hard to choose just one. We wanna pick the most deserving entry, we just don't want to choose the wrong one and then later figure out that it should've been given to someone else.” Taeyong answered as he stared into space.

The manager nodded with a smile. “When y'all brought this idea to me I wasn't for it at first but I knew it was something that y'all felt like the fans deserved.”

Taeyong nodded.

“They all deserve more than we can give but at least some lucky fans will get to experience the love that we have for NCTzens.” Jungwoo added.

“Will you help us make the decision? We have three that are all really good.” Taeyong asked.

The manager took the entries out of the folder that Taeyong had laid on the table. He scanned through each essay and then set them out on the table. “Honestly, it's all about how each essay made you feel personally. How each of them touched you, and which feeling holds the most power in you.”

The guys all nodded collectively.

“They all were really amazing but one gave me a different feeling. It made me feel like we meant more than we give ourselves credit for. We know we're good performers but when you have someone who is touched by not only your music but just by your existence and how you move in the world in general, it means so much more. It made me feel like we were making our mark on the world in more than one way.” Johnny explained.

Taeyong smiled. He knew that feeling because he had felt that same thing. “I think I know which one you're talking about. It made me feel like I was actually doing something, right in my leadership. I know a lot of times I get singled out and receive a lot of attention but the truth is most times I don't feel like I deserve it. A lot of times I feel like I let you guys down, I'm always internally hard on myself. One of essays made me feel proud to have all of you on my team. It made me feel like we're breaking barriers.”

The manager smiled. They didn't need much of his help after all, they just needed him to pull it out of them. “So how do you want to announce the winner?”

Mia

Mia pulled an outfit out of her closet and threw her hair up into a cute bun. She wasn't about to go all out for a date she really didn't even want to go on. She was simply doing her best friend a favor and that was all.

Gianna knocked on her bedroom door. “Can I come in?” She asked through the crack.

Mia opened the door up some more. “Since when do you actually knock?”

Gianna laughed a bit. “I'm trying to work on my manners, girl! I'm sorry you have to do this for me. It'll be all over soon though.”

Mia took a deep breath. “It's cool. I've been on bad dates before, hell I've had bad relationships before. I'm no stranger. I'll be okay!”

“Want me to lay your edges for you?” She asked. The least she could do was help her get ready.

Mia nodded. “What are you going to do while I'm gone?”

Gianna took the brush and started helping with her hair. “Probably just study and maybe order me some Chinese food.”

“Well make sure to keep check of their website because they announce the winners today and I'm not sure how they're going to do it.” Mia told her as she stared at her through the mirror.

“Ai ai captain!” Gianna answered with a sarcastic smile.

Mia rolled her eyes and put the clothes on that were laid out on the bed.

 “Seriously, Gianna. I wanna know as soon as you know!”

“I said okay, gosh. You still wanna know even if we don't win?”

Mia solemnly nodded. “Yeah I mean I'll be happy for whoever gets this opportunity because I'd want other fans to be happy for us.”

Gianna poked her lip out a little in deep thought. “You're late for you date. Go!”

Mia grabbed her keys.

“Why is he not picking you up?”

“I don't want him to know where we live! This is not a real date, ain't nobody got time for him to be stalking us!” Mia headed for the front door. “Bye!”

She drove until she reached the pizza parlor that Adam had suggested.

“Just one, tonight ma'am?” The hostess asked.

Mia looked around the dining room. “No, I'm meeting someone here. There he is!” She said with a small smile.

The hostess gestured for her to go ahead.

Adam stood up and pulled her seat out. “Even though you're late I guess I'll still be nice.”

Mia rolled her eyes. “Looking like this takes effort so sue me.”

Adam chuckled. “You're so feisty.”

“And you're rude most of the time but I digress.”

Their server came up ready to take their order. “Can I get you started with a drink, ma'am?” He asked.

“Oh she will have-”

Mia put her hand up to silence Adam. “I am more than capable of ordering for myself, thank you very much. Sir, I'll have a glass of strawberry moscato and water. Also can I have your chicken carbonara pasta?”

The server smiled. “Yes ma'am for sure! And for you sir?”

“Well I thought we were going to share a pizza!” Adam groaned.

Mia rolled her eyes. “Well I guess you thought wrong because I rarely eat pizza.”

“Just give me a small supreme pizza and a shot of your strongest liquor!”

The server stood there writing everything down.

Adam looked up at the man. “Why are you still standing here? Chop chop, we're hungry!”

The server looked at Mia with a sad smile and walked away.

“Did you really have to do all of that?” Mia asked him.

“Do all of what?”

“First you try to order for me, now you're yelling at the staff! You really have no kind of manners.”

Adam laughed as she sipped on his coke. “We are hungry and he was standing there like he didn't have orders to put in.”

Mia shook her head. “He was writing down our orders so that he wouldn't get them mixed up. This is definitely a one time deal.”

“I'm not that bad, chill out.”

“No, you're worse. I'm just being nice!”

Gianna

Gianna had fell asleep while studying at the kitchen table. When she woke up she noticed her face was in her notebook. She wiped her eyes. “Mia! You back?”

The house was silent except for the television in their living room. Gianna grabbed her phone and noticed that Mia had only been gone a little over an hour. She called in her Chinese food and they promised it would be delivered in twenty minutes. “Hmm, I guess I'll find me a movie.” She said to herself. She was all studied out.

There was no point in checking NCT's social media because their notifications always came to her phone anyway. She didn't know what was taking them so long to announce but she wasn't going to stress. She promised herself that she wouldn't make a big deal out of this until it was something to actually make a big deal about. She decided on watching The Mortal Instruments. About twenty minutes into the movie the door bell rang and it was her food. She tipped the delivery guy and closed the door. “Time to grub, time to grub.” She sang all the way back to the couch.

Her phone pinged a few times. NCT have started a live broadcast. She read from her Instagram notifications. She stared at the words a bit longer. “What are you waiting for? Open it up girl!” She thought to herself and clicked on the link.

NCT 127

“Is it on, yet?” Mark asked as they sat in front of the cameras. They decided to do Vlive & Instagram live simultaneously.

Yuta smiled and waved at the screen. “What's up, Nctzens!”

“As you all know we decided to do a contest for two of our tickets to each of our concerts in the U.S. We're not sure if we're going to do it anywhere else, this is basically a trial run and if this goes the way we hope it will then other places will have a chance to do it too!” Johnny started.

The guys continued smiling.

“We're only announcing two of our winners today which is for the Las Vegas show and Los Angeles show today.” Haechan added.

Jaehyun rubbed his hand through his hair. “This was a very hard decision for us so if you didn't win don't think it was because we didn't love what you wrote. We admire all of you.”

Taeyong nodded in silence.

“Boss, you wanna do the honors?” Jungwoo asked.

Taeyong laughed. “Y'all gonna give me the hard job? I guess. Drum roll guys!”

They all start beating on anything that's close to them.

“The L.A. Winner's Instagram is Jungwoosuwu127 and the Las Vegas winner is PrincessMiaxx” Taeyong announced.

Gianna

Gianna's eyes widened as she heard her best friend's Instagram name get called. She jumped off the couch and leaped into the air! She listened to the instructions of how to get into contact with them and they ended the live.

She grabbed her phone and tried dialing Mia's phone but it kept going to voicemail. “Come on Mia, why aren't you answering?” She tried calling again. She was too anxious to just sit on this information so she grabbed her keys and went to the pizza restaurant to see if they were still there.

She finally made it to Rocky's Pizza and looked around the dining area. At first she didn't see them but then finally they came into view. She ran past the hostess and headed to their table.

Mia looked up at her. “Gianna? What the heck are you doing here?”

Gianna put her hands on her knees. “I am so out of shape. Gym next week for sure, okay?”

Mia laughed. “Yeah, but why are you here? Are you okay?”

Gianna caught her breath. “You weren't answering your phone!”

“Oh it died. I'm sorry. You good?” Mia grabbed her shoulder. “Sit!” Adam was just staring at their interaction. “If you don't need anything you can leave us in peace!”

Both girls snapped towards him. “Shut up, Adam!”

He threw his hands up in defeat. “Damn, sorry.”

Gianna rolled her eyes. “Girl, they just got off of live. Sign into Instagram on my phone and check your Dms.”

Mia scrunched her forehead. “Do you know who won?”

Gianna shook her head vigorously, lying.

Mia opened up her Instagram account and saw a message from NCT 127's account. She looked up at Gianna with wide eyes. “Did we win?” Her voice nothing more but a whisper.”

Gianna nodded with a huge smile on her face. “We did it!”

Mia looked at Adam. “I'm sorry, I have to go!” She grabbed her things and they rushed out of the restaurant.

“Can I please scream?” Mia asked her.

Gianna grabbed her hands. “You can do whatever you like!” They both jumped up and down and squealed. “You finally get to meet the love of your life!”

Mia dusted her shoulder off. “Yeah something like that.” She was playing it cool.

[mosylufanfic]

Out of the Nest

Y'all I am So Intrigued by the icy way that Nora is treating Iris as of 5x02 (and of course, poor Iris not knowing why). Here's my exploration of a possibility, with future Killervibe and Killervibe babby because you know. It's me.

Apologies for the terrible title, I just can’t seem to find one. I’ll probably figure one out the moment I post.

Out of the Nest

Slamming doors were unfortunately not a new sound in the Snow-Ramon household these days. So when the crash reverberated through the ground floor and echoed down into the basement workroom, Caitlin looked up from her microscope and prepared herself to play umpire.

But only Cisco came storming down the stairs, muttering under his breath in Spanish. "And you're grounded!" he yelled back up the stairs.

"I didn't do anything wrong!" their daughter shrieked back. Another door slammed, and footsteps thundered up the stairs one floor above.

"Motherf -" Cisco breached away, and a proximity alarm went off. Caitlin checked it, and just sighed when she saw it was the one on the roof.

Cisco breached back a moment later, red in the face. "She left from the roof. Broad goddamn daylight, not even wearing her sky camo."

"Imagine that," Caitlin said. "A sixteen-year-old girl, behaving recklessly."

Cisco was exaggerating somewhat. It was almost dark out, far less risky for Rebecca to be in the sky. And if Caitlin knew her daughter, she was headed out to sea, where nobody would see her but a few random boats and fish.

Of course, it wasn't totally risk-free. But then, nothing was.

"Do you know what your daughter did?"

"Oh, so she's my daughter now?" she asked, adjusting her magnification and checking her sample again.

"She was walking around Freedom Park at dusk, all cute little girl texting and ignoring the world, with her purse open. The only thing missing was a holo flashing over her head saying MUG ME!"

Caitlin jerked away from the microscope. "She what?"

"Yeah, thought that would get your attention." He crossed his arms.

The last time Rebecca had provoked muggers on purpose, pictures of the "Angel of Coast City" had spread all over social media. Thankfully, nobody had gotten a clear shot of her face, but a teenage girl with a five-foot wingspan was distinctive enough.

It had required half a day of feverish hacking and trolling on Cisco's part to make everyone think it was a hoax or a publicity stunt, while Rebecca sulked in her room and Caitlin tried to talk sense into her.

"You always take Dad's side!" their daughter had stormed. "Don't you even trust me?"

"This isn't about sides or trust, sweetheart, this is about your safety. You're sixteen!"

"I'm not a normal kid, but you never let me do anything! Why do I have these powers if you're never going to let me do anything?"

"We're not saying never, we're saying not yet. Maybe next year - "

"You said that last year!"

She wasn't wrong, but the memory of the messes they'd gotten into with their own powers at the beginning chilled Caitlin's blood. And they'd been grown adults with the fully formed pre-frontal cortices to show for it. Rebecca was impulsive, arrogant, and reckless - in other words, a normal teenage girl with extraordinary powers.

And she'd done it again?

"Oh, she's so grounded," Caitlin growled now.

"Not only is she grounded," Cisco said, pawing through a drawer, "I'm locking this on her wrist when she's asleep tonight." He held up a power dampening cuff.

"No," Caitlin said.

"But she - "

"I said no." Grounding was fine. Locking her own powers away without her consent was not. She was their daughter, not some criminal they were dropping off at the police station.

Cisco opened his mouth, saw the look on her face, and set the cuff back in the drawer. He dropped onto the couch with a groan. "She's giving me grey hair," he moaned, putting his hand over his eyes.

Caitlin rolled her chair over next to the couch and ran her fingers through his hair. It still fell in lush waves to his shoulders, but now the waves were streaked liberally with silver. "It makes you look distinguished," she said affectionately.

He caught her hand pulled it over his shoulder, and kissed it. "This kid of ours," he said. "What the hell are we going to do with her?"

She rested her chin on the high arm of the couch. "Maybe next year we really should - "

"Nuh-uh."

"You didn't even hear me out!"

"I know what you were going to say, and she's way too young."

"I'm not proposing that we send her into the Corners on her own, I'm just saying maybe we should consider some training."

"She's sixteen!"

"And she's had her powers for three years. It did me far more harm than good to not use my powers."

"She's not you. She has wings, not frost. And when that happened, you were an adult."

"I know all that, but she's getting frustrated, honey. For her entire life, we've been helping people, and we've taught her to do the same. She wants to help people."

"And wear a badass suit and see her hero name in the papers." He scowled. "Angel," he muttered.

"You're just annoyed you didn't think of it," Caitlin said.

He huffed and looked away, unable to deny it.

Caitlin had just opened her mouth to argue some more when the doorbell rang. They looked at each other.

"You expecting anyone?" Cisco asked.

"No," Caitlin said. "Maybe it's one of Rebecca's friends?"

"House, screen," he said, touching the wall above the couch. "Front door." A screen popped up on the wall, showing a twirling hourglass for a split second as the house system searched for the front-door cameras. "Her friends would just ping her, they - Caitlin."

At the sound of his voice, she looked up and the figure she saw on the wall made her suck in her breath. "It can't be."

"Looks like it can," Cisco said.

"After all this time," Caitlin said. "What is she doing here?"

He swung his legs to the floor and hopped up. "We'd better find out."

They were halfway up the basement stairs when the bell rang again. The sound of the third chime was just dying away as Caitlin pulled their front door open.

"Hi, guys," said Iris West-Allen.

There was a lump in her throat. "Iris," she managed.

Cisco didn't say anything.

She had changed her hair, was the first thing Caitlin noticed. It was a short bob, cut just below her ears. There was a frosting of gray at her temples, and lines around her eyes, but otherwise she looked like the woman who'd been one of their closest friends for eight years.

And a virtual stranger ever since.

She cleared her throat. "So," she said. "Ah. Can I come in?"

Caitlin snapped awake. "Of course! Please."

Cisco grumbled in his throat, and she elbowed him. "I didn't realize you had our new address," she said.

"I have two Pulitzers and access to the Internet," Iris said. "It really wasn't that hard."

"So why did it take twenty-four years?" Cisco snapped.

Iris looked away and didn't answer.

Caitlin led them into the living room, grabbing a handheld game and one of Rebecca's shoes, and sweeping the coffee table clear of her medical journals and a PalmerTech drive that Cisco had brought home from work. She dumped it all onto an out-of-the-way chair. "Would you like a seat?"

"I'm all right." She drifted around the room, aimless as a dandelion on a windy day.

Behind her back, Cisco gave Caitlin a goggle-eyed look. She could only return it with the same amount of bafflement.

What was Iris doing here?

She paused in front of the photo collage projected onto the wall. "So this is Rebecca?" she asked, watching as a family selfie at Pride a few years ago faded into their daughter's most current school picture.

"That's her. Yes."

"I got the birth announcement," Iris said, her face still turned away. "I'm sorry I didn't - " Her fingers moved restlessly on her arms. "That I didn't send anything."

Caitlin  couldn't bring herself to say anything like that's okay or we understood. Because honestly, they hadn't. The radio silence from Iris had hurt immeasurably.

“So you adopted after all?” she asked.

“We were thinking about it,” Caitlin said. “But then I was throwing up and just feeling very run down, and Cisco took me to the ER.”

“Dragged her,” he said. “And they were like, congratulations, have a cigar, papa.”

She looked around, wide-eyed. "But the doctors said it was impossible."

She should know. She'd held Caitlin's hand through all the crying jags, all the cursing at God and her own body, all the long slow path to acceptance.

"They did," Caitlin said. "And yet here we are." She managed a smile. "Barry always did say we'd become the impossible."

At the name, a heavy silence fell.

It wasn't that she and Cisco never said his name. They talked about him sometimes, between themselves. They couldn't help it. Pretending he'd never existed would be like amputating ten years.

But Iris had fallen to pieces on the day he'd disappeared into the speedforce. April 25, 2024, the day that was foretold since the beginning. Despair had visibly eaten away at her for months, until the day that she'd stood in front of them at Star Labs and said, "I got a job at the Daily Planet. I'm taking the baby and moving to Metropolis. I can't stay. I just can't."

Once she'd left, contact grew ever more sporadic until by the time she'd been gone a year, emails went unanswered, texts unread, voicemail messages never returned.

By then, Central City had become unbearable enough that when Cisco said, "I got a job in Coast City," Caitlin had simply said, "When do we leave?"

Maybe it was their own fault for letting Barry become the center of their lives, to the point that when they lost him, those lives collapsed. Looking at Iris now, Caitlin awoke to a fresh sense of her own good fortune, that she'd had Cisco with her as they sought a new life together. Iris had been alone in Metropolis except for a little girl who only knew that her whole world had been upended.

Cisco broken the leaden silence. "What do you want, Iris? Why are you here, after all this time?"

She turned to face them, her face set. "I didn't know where else to go."

The hard expression on Cisco's face softened. "What happened?"

"Nora's gone."

She felt her throat go cold and her stomach twist. "Gone?"

"Not dead!" Iris said. "Not - I don't think - " She shut her eyes, pressing her lips together. "She lives in Central City now. She's a CSI with the CCPD."

"Just like Barry," Cisco breathed.

"I thought that would be enough for her. But when I talked to Ralph a couple of months ago, he told me she's been patrolling. She has a mask and a suit - she calls herself XS."

Cisco made a face. "Like, Extra Small?”

"Like Excess, honey," Caitlin said. "Right?"

"When she was little, I used to tell her she couldn't do everything to excess. Apparently she decided to prove me wrong."

"Where did she get the suit?" Cisco looked vaguely insulted that Nora hadn’t called on him, for suit or name.

"The Flash museum," Iris said. "The suit I wore for one day. You remember?”

“Oh right!” Caitlin said. “I do.”

“Yeah. Except the display case is empty, and when I asked them about it, they gave me a whole load of excuses about how it needed restoring."

"Excuse me," Cisco said. "It barely got a day of wear and every one of Barry's suits looks fresh as a goddamn daisy - "

"I know what bullshit smells like. Obviously, they gave it to her."

"So she has a name and a suit," Caitlin said. "Following in Barry's footsteps in every way."

"Seems like it," Iris said. "But now she's - I haven't heard from her in weeks."

"Weeks?"

Iris had gotten wildly overprotective after Barry's disappearance, as if the speed force might reach out and snatch Nora, too. She'd needed to know where her daughter was every minute. How had that relationship devolved to the point where it took weeks of no-contact for Iris to get worried?

"We don't talk much anymore," Iris said, her eyes sliding away again. "She blames me. For taking her away from Central City. From her father."

Caitlin shook her head disbelievingly. "You didn't take her away from her father. The speed force took him from all of us."

"But we never went back. I couldn't. Not even when she moved there. That whole town is a memorial to him. It's horrific."

"The Flash museum is quite something," Caitlin allowed.

"It's not just the museum," Iris said. "There are statues, did you know that? The park was renamed, I think there's a couple of streets - "

"Every time you turned around, he was there," Caitlin said.

Iris nodded mutely.

While Caitlin wouldn't have called it horrific, Central City had still been a tsunami of memories the few times they'd gone back. While it was hard, it was nice in a way, too. Caitlin couldn't fathom the depth of pain that must have kept Iris away from her childhood home and the family that still lived there.

Iris cleared her throat. "Anyway," she said. "When I realized how long it had been, I tried to get in touch, but I couldn't raise her. When I checked with him, Ralph said he hadn't seen her around lately. She took a sabbatical from work, her social media is dead silent, and her place looks - well, abandoned is the only word."

"You have a key?" Maybe Iris's relationship with her daughter wasn't as grim as all that.

Iris snorted, sounding for a moment like her old self. "The day I can't sweet-talk some underappreciated building super into letting me into an apartment is the day I hang up my press pass."

Caitlin found herself smiling.

"Anyway, he probably would have opened the door for anyone who promised to pay her back rent. She was two months late." She twisted her necklace in her fingers.

"Did you find anything in her apartment?"

"Besides dust and a disgusting refrigerator? She had information on her dad everywhere. Timelines in chalk, articles all over the wall - it looked like Barry's murder board. You know, the one he had for his mom? She was obsessed."

"What do you think happened to her?"

She shook her head. "I don't know anything for sure. But she had a bunch of calculations on time travel."

"You think she went back," Cisco said, getting it before Caitlin did. "To see her dad."

"I hope she did," Iris said. "The other options are - they don't bear thinking about."

The same things Caitlin feared for Rebecca rose up again in her head, with the happy little girl they’d known long ago at the center of the nightmare scenarios.

Tangled with the wrong meta. Captured by traffickers. Kept prisoner somewhere.

And one more, specific to speedsters: Caught in the speedforce, next to Barry.

Cisco’s face had fallen into somber lines. "If she went back, maybe we saw her back then. Do you have a picture?"

Iris tapped her watch and held out her wrist. A holo sprang to life of a pretty young woman with a big smile. There was something in the curve of her cheek like Iris, something in the tilt of her head like Barry. "This is the most recent. From her FaceGram. Do either of you guys remember ever encountering her in the old days? Even once?"

Caitlin had to shake her head. "No."

"Maybe she watched us from afar," Cisco offered. "I mean, time travel does screw things up, and her research would have told her that. Maybe she was careful, trying to minimize her impact, and we didn't notice her."

"She might have tried. But I know my girl." Iris's chin trembled. "Eventually, she would have given in to temptation and wanted to meet Barry face-to-face. And he never would have kept that from me."

"You got anything of hers?" Cisco asked. "Let's rule out some possibilities first."

Iris reached in her purse and pulled out an earring, passing it over. He took it out of the ziploc baggie and sat on the arm of the couch, concentrating.

After three decades of practice, he was very good at it. His eyes popped open within a minute or so, and he looked at Iris. "She's not anywhere in this time or this universe," he said.

"Oh my god," Iris said.

"That's actually better news than it sounds like."

"How?"

"Well, first-off, it actually confirms she did go back in time." He got to his feet and tapped the wall. "House, screen."

A screen popped up on the wall, several dancing Pokemon frolicking around to a blast of peppy music. He blushed. "Ha-ha, Rebecca must have left her game running, the little stinker."

While his back was turned, Caitlin shook her head. Iris raised her brows and pointed surreptitiously at Cisco, and Caitlin laughed silently and nodded. Iris put her hand over her mouth to hide the smile.

For a moment it felt like no time had passed at all.

Cisco shut down the Pokemon game and brought up a whiteboard app that he wrote on with the tip  of his finger. "So, we know new universes are created when a timeline diverges." He drew a line, then made it fork, sending one upward and one downwards. "We're here." He indicated the top line, then ran his finger back to where it forked. "This is where Nora jumped back to."

"When is it?" Iris asked, leaning forward.

"No idea," Cisco said. "But her being there created this divergence."

Caitlin nodded, catching his drift. "No matter how careful she was, she would've changed things just by her presence. Maybe she got in line at Jitters and made someone behind her miss the train they would have caught. Maybe she crossed against the light and forced someone to brake, where if they hadn't slowed down, they would have had a fatal accident at the next intersection. There's so many little things that we do every day and we don't even know how they change the world."

"And by changing the world, she created a new one." He traced the lower fork to the end. "So that universe is here, running parallel to this one. That's why I can't find her."

Iris blinked. "Yeah," she said. "That makes . . . sense. Okay."

"I can jump to other universes easy peasy, but it's a lot harder to jump back and forth along the timeline," Cisco said. "I'll do my best, but I don't know if I can go back to retrieve her."

"It's not about retrieval," Iris said. "I just want to know that she's safe. And not caught somewhere in time, or in - " Her face twisted with anger. "In the speed force. If she's with Barry in the past, he'll take care of her, but she doesn't know what she's doing."

"Well, none of us ever did when it came to time travel," Cisco said, narrowing his eyes at the forking timelines.

"No, I mean as a speedster."

Caitlin whipped her head around so fast her neck popped. "What do you mean? Didn't her powers come in with puberty?" That was what they saw with most second and even now third-generation metas, who inherited a metagene rather than having it change them after they were grown.

"They did," Iris said. "Around thirteen or fourteen. But I would never let her use them."

Cisco gaped at her. "She's - what, twenty-five?"

"Twenty-six, honey," Caitlin said. "Her birthday is the month before Rebecca's."

"Right, right. That's like half her life.”

“I know that,” Iris said defensively. “But there's plenty of heroes now. You two, and Ralph, and others. It's not like when the accelerator first exploded. Nora didn't need to put on a suit and risk her skin every day. She could have had a normal life."

"Is that what she wanted?"

"She was a kid. She didn't know what it could be like. The secrets and the lies and the danger -  Anyway, there was plenty of time. There was always plenty of time. I kept telling her, next year. Next year."

It sounded a little too familiar for Caitlin’s comfort. "You must've given in at some point," she said. "You said she was patrolling now."

"No,” Iris said. “I didn’t. I think she's trying to figure it out on her own. From displays at the Flash museum and home experimentation."

Cisco opened his mouth, then rethought whatever he'd been about to say.

Iris knew that was dangerous. She knew how hard it had been for Barry to master his powers even with their support and the technology at Star Labs. A rogue speedster trying to teach herself - what kind of catastrophes could she embroil herself in?

And how had Iris let it get to that point?

Their old friend touched her watch again, looking sadly at the beaming girl. "I couldn't lose her," she said in a cracking voice. "I'd already lost Barry. If Nora never developed her powers, then the speed force couldn't get her. I guess that's really what I thought."

Cisco met Caitlin's eyes again, then looked away.

"And then the day after she graduated high school, she packed everything she owned into her car and moved to CCU." She put her hand over her eyes. "You know what's funny? The speed force didn't do anything. It didn't have to. I lost her before she ever started running."

"Iris,"  Caitlin whispered. "Oh, Iris." She got to her feet and crossed the room to put her hand on Iris's shaking shoulder.

At her touch, Iris dropped her hand. Her eyes were red and wet. "If she's with her dad, she's finally getting all the support and training that I could never bring myself to give her. I don't want to drag her back. I just need to know she's okay."

"Of course," Caitlin said.

Two and a half decades ago, she would have reached out to hug the other woman. But that had been a long time ago. So she just rubbed Iris's shoulder a little bit and dropped her hand.

"We'll do everything we can," Cisco said. "But Iris, can I be honest with you?"

"Please," she said.

"This isn't a ten minute job. Basically what I have to do is sort through all the multiverses until I figure out which one she created, then vibe backwards along the timeline to figure out when she went back to." He frowned. "Or maybe the other way around?"

"I knew it was a big ask when I came. I'm just grateful that you're willing to try."

"What are friends for?"

Iris managed a smile and checked her watch. "I think I've missed the last train back to Metropolis," she said. "Do you know any good hotels around here that I can stay the night?"

"You can stay here," Caitlin said immediately.

"Oh, god, no, I couldn't do that. Just turn up on your doorstep and expect you to put me up?"

"You're not imposing, I promise. We want you here. It's been so long. We can catch up a little. You can meet our daughter."

"Honestly," Cisco said. "We'd love to have you. Please."

She looked between the two of them. "Well," she said. "In that case - I'd love to stay."

"Great," Caitlin said. "I'll show you the guest bedroom. Let you get settled in."

"And I'll get to work," Cisco said. "Have you got access to any of her research? Any of her cloud passwords?"

"Oh, this might help," Iris said, reaching in her purse and pulling out a box about the size of the old smartphones they all used to carry around. "Nora's home computer. The password is Bartholomew."

Cisco whistled, reaching out to take it. "Damn, girl, you earned those Pulitzers."

"You bet I did," Iris said.

"We were so proud," Caitlin said, leading the way up the stairs. "When we heard."

"I've been hearing about you," Iris said, following her. "Frost and Vibe, Coast City's very own superhero power couple."

Caitlin laughed a little. "We try." She suddenly realized something. "Do you have any bags or anything? I can't believe I forgot to ask."

"No, nothing," Iris said. "When I realized what she'd done, I went right to the train station."

"Well, I can loan you something." Although they'd never been the same size, or for that matter, the same style. "Or Amazon DroneDrop knows this house pretty well. You can use our account if you need."

"Oh, it's fine, I've got one. I think I'll do that."

"Okay," Caitlin said. "So, this is the guest room, that's the house wifi password on the chalkboard there, and we haven't eaten dinner yet, so that should be maybe an hour? Do you have any dietary restrictions? Cisco does most of the cooking, he can work around just about anything."

"No," Iris said, looking a little dazed at the sudden rush of hospitality. "No, I'll eat anything. It's fine. Thank you." She set her purse on the bed, looking around the neat, bright room.

"Okay," Caitlin said. "Well. I - " She twisted her wedding ring. "I'll leave you to get settled. The bathroom is right down the hall."

Iris said softly, "Thank you so much, Caitlin. For everything."

She wasn't sure how to answer that, so she went with the truth. "It really is so good to see you again."

"You too."

She started to leave, then paused and came back in. "If you hear thumping on the roof," she said, "it's - " She paused, trying to think how to explain. "It's okay, it's fine."

Iris, already pulling up Amazon on her wrist screen, looked up, brows lifted. "Rebecca?" she said.

"Yeah."

She nodded once, the nod of a woman who'd seen a lot of metahumans in her lifetime and wasn't particularly surprised at anything anymore.

Caitlin went downstairs again and found Cisco swiping through screens. He'd clearly gotten into Nora's computer and hooked it up to the house wifi. "Damn, she's got a lot of stuff in here," he said by way of greeting. "But I think I might have found something with this 2017 folder."

She glanced at the documents spread out on the wall. "It does look promising," she said. "But we can get back to it. We need to talk about our daughter right now."

He paused, then minimized the screen with a swipe of his finger and turned in his chair. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, we do."

The proximity alarm on the roof went off half an hour later.  Cisco and Caitlin glanced at each other, then both got up and headed up the stairs. This called for a family meeting.

Rebecca didn't notice them until she'd climbed back in her open window and folded her wings. They went translucent and sank into her skin until they looked like a large, elaborate linework tattoo spread across her shoulder blades.

She hadn't been allowed to wear tank tops since they had appeared, but she'd bought some on the sly and hid them under her mattress, which had successfully fooled Caitlin for all of ten minutes. She wore one now, a white racerback tank with ample room for her wings to flex. Between that, the wing marks, and the thick dark hair that she wore buzzed close to her scalp, she looked tough and punky, powerful and indomitable.

Caitlin could remember all the times she'd come sobbing to her with some small injury. Mama fix it, fix it Mama.

She looked up and jumped. "God! You guys! I told you not to come in my room when I'm not here."

"First off," Cisco said, leaning ostentatiously on the wall just outside her door, "we're not in your room. And second of all, you're not exactly in a position to be making demands, traviesa."

"Since you are here," Caitlin said, "we're coming in."

Rebecca started to protest, but Caitlin just leveled her most no-nonsense look, and her daughter folded, grumbling. She climbed onto the end of her bed and sat scowling.

Cisco leaned back against the window, looking thunderous. When she caught his expression, Rebecca narrowed her eyes and folded her arms.

Caitlin bit back a sigh.

It was hard to see them like this. Rebecca had always been a daddy's girl, giggling and conspiring with Cisco. But the first day she'd leapt into the air and done a loop-de-loop over their heads, then landed to see the look of horror on his face, their relationship had started to crumble.

But they had to get through this first. Then maybe they could start patching things up. So she said, "Would you like to explain what happened, young lady?"

"Nothing happened," she muttered.

"Right, because I got there," Cisco said.

"I thought we were clear the last time," Caitlin said. "You are not to go out looking for trouble."

"I was taking a shortcut!"

"Oh, and your shortcut just happened to include the park with the highest crime rate in the city? Try again," Cisco invited.

"You never said I couldn't go there."

"We never said you couldn't put on a raw-meat bikini and go swimming with sharks, either, because we didn't think we had to!"

Caitlin felt they were in danger of spiraling into another father-daughter shouting match. "Enough," she said. "You went out today hoping to use your powers, which you know we don't want you to do. And we know you're frustrated and you want to flex your wings and you want to help. But that's not the way."

"But - " Rebecca started.

"Because we also know who else is out there," Cisco said. "And what they're capable of. And believe me, sweetheart, there's not a single one of them who would take it easy on you because you're still in high school."

Rebecca's chin jutted. "I don't want them to take it easy on me. I'm not a baby."

Caitlin went and sat next to her, pulling her close. Rebecca's body was rigid and unyielding in the circle of her arm. "No," she said. "You're not. But, mijita, you're not an adult, either. You're still young, you're still coming into your powers, and you're more vulnerable than you think."

Rebecca gave her a little sideways look. Caitlin wondered if she'd had the time to get scared in that park before Cisco had swooped in and given her someone to shout at.

Cisco went down on his knees in front of her, looking up into her face. "And if anything happened to you, your mom and I couldn't bear it. We've lost a lot of people in our lives, but you - that would be worse than all of the others combined."

She kept her face turned away from her dad, her hand lifting to fiddle with Caitlin's necklace the way she'd done since she was a baby. "You always tell me to be proud of who I am, but you won't let me be who I am."

The words hit Caitlin in the chest like a punch. For a moment she couldn't breathe, much less reply. Cisco looked just as devastated as she felt.

"We're trying," he said finally. "We know you want to use your powers, but we want you to learn how safely and gradually."

Not like either of us, Caitlin added ruefully, in her head.

"When am I going to get to do that, though?" she asked.

She clearly hadn't expected an answer, but Caitlin said, "Your dad and I did some talking, and we've come up with a plan that might work for all of us."

Rebecca lifted her head, looking cautious. "Wait, really?"

"First of all," she said, holding up her finger, "for today's little stunt, you're grounded. For a month."

"How does that work for me?"

"It works because it's not two months," Caitlin said.

Rebecca started to say something, saw the look in her eyes, and clearly reconsidered. She shut her mouth, her lower lip sliding out just a touch.

"During your grounding, you're going to be training with your powers. And afterwards, you're going to start patrolling."

She sat up straight. "Training? Patrolling? You mean it?" She gave Cisco a quick look.

"This is against my better judgement," Cisco said, scowling. "But you need to learn sometime, and clearly if we don't teach you, you'll teach yourself."

Rebecca let out a squeak and rocked forward to hug him. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you, Daddy."

His arms came around her, holding tight, his face full of emotion.

She pulled away to hug Caitlin around the neck. "Thank you, Mama. This is so ultra-schway!"

Caitlin pressed her cheek to her daughter's duckling-fuzz head. They didn't get hugs like this very much anymore.

"Ground rules," she said, straightening up and looking into her daughter's face. "You're with one of us at all times until we decide you're ready to be on your own."

Her face fell a little bit, but she nodded.

"School comes first," Cisco said. "No patrolling on school nights, your grades stay at B or above, all your homework and studying gets finished before you go out."

"And no patrolling during finals," Caitlin added.

"But Mama, what if - "

"None," Caitlin said.

"Nada," Cisco reiterated. "And finally, you're going to take a martial arts class. Hand-to-hand of some kind, we'll figure one out."

"Wait," Rebecca said. "Like, a class with other kids?"

"Other kids, maybe adults. Which means no wings."

"What's the point of that?"

"You can't fly away from every attacker, angelita. There's always going to be one who brings you down, so you need to learn to fight on the ground too."

"Okay," she said reluctantly. "I guess. Can we start training tonight? I have suit ideas. I want to show you my suit ideas." She grabbed her computer off her desk and was pulling up a folder on the wall when Caitlin held up a hand.

"Tomorrow's soon enough. We've got a house guest."

She looked like they'd suddenly started speaking Greek. "A what?"

"Not a what, a who. An old friend who dropped in unexpectedly. So you've got your choice tonight. You can either help me clean up the living room and set the table, or you'll help Dad with dinner."

Rebecca chewed her lip. "I can help Dad with dinner," she said.

Cisco blinked, then rallied. "All right. It's chicken enchilada night, so get downstairs and pull four - " He paused, eying her. Whenever she flew, her appetite doubled. "Make that five chicken breasts out of the freezer to thaw."

Rebeca reached for the hoodie hanging from her bedpost, and Caitlin said, "You don't have to wear that tonight if you don't want to."

She paused, her eyes going big. "But - my - " She touched her shoulder where the tip of a black feather showed on her skin.

"Iris West-Allen is an old friend," Caitlin said. "She's known us a long time. All about us. We'd like her to get to know you, too."

"Oh," Rebecca said, eyes still wide. She considered her hoodie, then picked it up, tying it around her waist, where she could pull it on easily if she didn't feel like showing her shoulders and back.

She slid out of her room, pausing for the briefest second at the open door of the guest room to glance in. Then she was gone down the stairs.

Cisco let out his breath. "You sure about this?" he asked, sliding his arm around Caitlin's waist.

She rested her head against his. "Honestly? No. But she's got to start somewhere."

He nuzzled her hairline. "I still don't know what we're going to do with this kid of ours."

She kissed him. "Right now? You're going to go make chicken enchiladas together."

FINIS

[artificialqueens]

Pretty Mess Chapter 5 (Chiona)

A/N: well boy has it been a hot minute since I updated this fic. This chapter’s been sitting in my folder for ages, and after nearly a full damn year of not updating, she back. Life just got super busy, and I actually became more of a twitter stan so I wasn’t really on tumblr that much. But, nevertheless, here I am! I’m gonna try write and update a bit more frequently at least until I get this done, because I got a bit attached to this fic to be completely honest. Hope y'all enjoy xx

TW: s*lf h*rm mention, weed, swearing

Roy didn’t hear from him again for another two weeks. Although upset, he decided to leave Danny be for a while, so he didn’t seem too eager. But then a week and a half went by, and Roy started to get frustrated. It seemed as though Danny was ignoring him. Obviously, the kiss had bothered him to the point that he needed to keep his distance.

The events of that night continued to play out in Roy’s head. Everything from his comforting Danny to the feeling of his soft, plump lips against his. The look of disappointment he could have sworn that Danny had when he said that they should forget the kiss ever happened (however this was probably just Roy’s mind playing tricks on him). He didn’t regret the kiss, not one bit. He’d been wanting to kiss Danny for a long time, and it felt amazing to finally let out all the pent-up emotions he’d had toward the younger queen. But what he did regret was that he had clearly taken it too far. Danny had jolted away so quickly as soon as Roy reached down for his pants that Roy thought he had accidentally hurt him or something. But that wasn’t the case. What confused him, however, was that Danny had taken off both of their shirts, instigating something a little bit more than a make out session, yet pulled away so fast, and so suddenly. Like he was repulsed. Roy had mulled the entire situation over, unable to stop himself from thinking about it, and he realised that Danny probably had a reality check. Sobered up a little bit, and realised what it was that he was doing. And Roy would be lying if he said that the thought of that didn’t make his heart sink.

The only other thing he regretted was not asking more about that fucking blade. Sure, he didn’t want to pry anything out of Danny, or make him uncomfortable. But there was clearly something wrong; Danny was normally really emotional ; he cried a lot; and often thought with his heart and not his head. And it was understandable for him to be upset, since he’d just had a mental breakdown, which had been filmed and would most likely end up being broadcast on television. However there was something off about Danny, like there was something more there that he wasn’t telling anyone. And Roy knew that this blade had something do to it, judging by the way Danny completely froze when he brought it up. And as much as he didn’t want to think about it, the first thing that sprung to mind was that Danny could be cutting himself. It made lots of sense for this to be the case; the blade in the backpack and Danny’s clear nervousness when Roy asked about the blade suggested it. Even though this was most likely what was the problem, Roy desperately hoped that this wasn’t the case. Danny deserved the world, and Roy didn’t want to see him anything but happy.

Roy caught himself smiling thinking of him; thinking of his gorgeous smile and infectious laugh; his carefree, messy attitude that Roy admired; how gorgeous his green eyes were. Holy fuck, he was in deep for this boy and he was only just realising it now. The feelings had always been there, he just never admitted them to himself until that damn kiss. But when Danny pulled away, that’s when Roy knew that he could confirm that these feelings were more than just a little crush. Never before had he felt such disappointment, such a strong feeling of emotional frustration, the feeling of a strong lump forming in his throat as he choked back tears. Because he knew. He knew that Danny saw him only as a friend and this bothered Roy more than he cared to admit.

Roy was in the middle of a rollercoaster of emotions and it was fucking exhausting. And on top of all of this, he was worried about Danny. At first, he thought that he was just distancing himself from Roy, especially after the kiss. But then, after two weeks of Danny being inactive on social media, and multiple texts from some of the All Stars 2 queens asking after him due to him not responding to their messages, the only thing on Roy’s mind was whether Danny was okay. And before he knew it, Roy had found himself sitting in his car outside the front of Danny’s apartment.

He was debating with himself as to if he should go and see Danny. He didn’t want to seem like he was pushy or anything, he just needed to know that his friend was okay. And despite the somewhat positive note that their last meeting had ended with, Roy was terrified to confront Danny. However, his legs were carrying him to the front door before he could even consider driving away.

As he knocked on the door, his breathing grew uneven. After a few seconds, he heard movement behind the door and his breath hitched in his throat. Quickly, he tried to relax his face a bit and even out his breathing. Never let a bitch see you sweat.

The front door swung open, and Roy was immediately met with the strong smell of weed and the sound of David Bowie being played over the speakers… He looked up to see Danny, and he could have sworn that his heart skipped a beat. His black hair was dishevelled and messy, yet adorable, and he had some intense stubble. His face was slightly red, and a little bit puffy, bags circling his eyes, but he somehow still looked beautiful. To top it off he was wearing long pyjama pants and an oversized t shirt, and he looked so incredibly cozy.

Danny’s expression softened slightly when he saw that it was Roy on the other side of his door.

“Hey, chola” Roy said, with a small smile.

“Hey, bitch” Danny smiled, running a hand through his messy hair and leaning slightly against the doorframe.

“Good to see you’re still alive, I was coming over here to check on you” Roy immediately justified, “Obviously you haven’t been responding to anyone’s texts because you’ve been too busy turning your house into a hot box, Laganja”.

Danny pulled a face.  

“My phone’s been on airplane mode, you asshole,” he laughed, with a smile that seemed more like a grimace, “Come in.” Danny grabbed Roy’s hand and pulled him inside.

“Why’s it been on airplane mode?” Roy asked, noticing the multiple cigarette butts and empty beer bottles littered all around the house, mostly on the floor of the lounge room.

Danny slumped down on the couch and attempted to clean up a bit.

“I’ve just been having a bit of a creative rush, I needed space to concentrate”

“Did you get anything done?” Roy asked, finding a place to sit.

“Yeah, I started writing a few songs!” Danny’s eyes lit up, immediately stopping his cleaning quest and dropping the beer bottles back on the coffee table again. Roy couldn’t help but smirk. “Do you wanna hear?”

Roy bit his lip to suppress a grin.

“Of course queen! I can pay you with love instead of money for once, being your sugar daddy can get a bit boring sometimes”

Danny laughed and hit him lightly on the shoulder, but Roy was instantly kicking himself for referring to himself as Danny’s ‘sugar daddy’, especially after what happened the last time they saw each other. Danny didn’t seem to take any notice of it, however, and Roy breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay, so I don’t know what to call this one yet but I’m really proud of what I have so far, I just have a verse and the chorus-”

“Just sing, chola” Roy jokingly snapped, a warm smile on his face as he interjected the younger boy’s blabbering.

Danny, although not showing it, was incredibly nervous. This song was  written about Roy, and Danny really hoped that he wouldn’t pick up on it. But he was too proud of what he had written to keep it hidden away, so he was going to take the risk. When his breathing calmed down, he opened his mouth and sang.

Road trip when I lost my crown

To get away from this crazy town

He never seemed to look my way

My lover stays with his poker face…

You know how they say I only have eyes for you?

Well you better be looking back at me babe…

Said you better be looking back at me babe

You know how they say I only have eyes for you?

Well you better be looking back at me babe…

Said you better be looking back at me babe

It always shocked Roy when Danny started singing. He would always forget how amazing his voice was until he heard it again, and every time he did he was caught by surprise. And hearing it like this; singing such a beautiful song…it left Roy absolutely floored.

“That’s all I’ve got so far” Danny told him, biting his lip and waiting for feedback.

“Wow, Danny…that was amazing” Roy complimented, breathless, looking up at a beaming Danny.

“I’m so fuckin proud of myself, you have no idea”

“That’s so great, willow” Roy grinned “But just please don’t disappear like that again; I was worried about you”

“I’m sorry” Danny sighed, comfortingly squeezing Roy’s shoulder “I just needed some space”

“I know.“ Roy said softly, “But, Queen, I got so many texts asking if I knew whether you were okay, I couldn’t even get through them all”

“Oh shit, really?”

“No one’s heard from you for two weeks, Danny”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t really think too much of it” Danny frowned, reaching over to his phone and switching off airplane mode for the first time in 2 weeks. Immediately, it erupted with thousands of notifications, and Danny’s eyes widened.

“I don’t see how you managed to go without your phone for so long, that’s some impressive shit, Danny” Roy scoffed sarcastically. Danny hummed in agreement, with a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Roy assumed he was focusing on something on his phone, so he didn’t think anything of it.

Danny was telling the truth; he had spent the last two weeks writing music. But it wasn’t the whole truth. The past fortnight had consisted of him sleeping, moping around, chain smoking (and then getting upset when he struggled to hit the high notes), drinking, eating junk, cutting most days, and spending most of the time completely zoned out. And on top of all of this, he hadn’t showered in a while, and probably smelled like death. He wasn’t going to tell Roy, though; he had done so much to comfort Danny recently, and he didn’t want to be weak in front of someone so strong.

“I better let people know I’m not dead” Danny scoffed, picking up his phone and trying to avoid the oncoming silence between them.

“Good idea, queen. Twitter’s been going off wondering where the hell you disappeared to”

As Danny typed up a tweet, Roy’s mind was whirring. How long was it going to be before they talked about what happened between them? Was it even something they needed to talk about, or was he just reading to far into the situation? Was it just him feeling the sexual tension between them? He didn’t want to ruin the mood; even though Roy could tell it was a façade, Danny seemed happy and vibrant, and he didn’t really want to make things uncomfortable. So, albeit hesitantly, Roy kept his mouth shut.

“Do you have any plans for today?” Danny asked, breaking his train of thought.

“No, I don’t think so, why?”

“We’re having a movie day” Danny announced, putting down his phone and pulling Roy over to the couch before he could protest.

“Maybe I should clean up a little bit first, though” Danny mused, beginning to gather up the multiple empty beer cans strewn across the room.

“You think, queen? It looks like something blew up in here” Roy stated dryly, proceeding to help his friend clear everything away, “How the fuck do you live like this?”

“I’m a messy slut” Danny winked.

After they had cleaned the living room, Danny was walking toward the couch cradling a six pack of beers and a large bowl of popcorn.

“There you go, chola” Danny handed Roy a beer and carefully sat down on the couch.

“You can choose what we watch, queen, I don’t mind” Roy normally wouldn’t be so quick to let Danny choose what they watched, most of their movie nights involving lots and lots of negotiations, but Roy wanted to make him happy. They finally decided on Halloween (Danny’s favourite move), and as the credits started an uncomfortable silence suddenly fell over the pair of them. And what made it so uncomfortable was that they were sitting on either end of the couch, as far away from each other as possible.

Roy shifted in his spot, nervously taking quite a large sip of his beer. The strange silence was obviously the product of their kiss two weeks ago; otherwise they’d be cuddled up on the couch together, a calming and comfy silence shared between the two of them, just like normal. But because of the kiss, they were as far away from each other as they possibly could be on the couch. The kiss was playing on the back of both of their minds, and the thought of it was exactly what made the air awkward. It was almost like they were scared to get too close to each other, afraid of what would happen if someone initiated any type of contact, even if it was platonic.

And Danny didn’t like the atmosphere one bit. He quickly became jittery and anxious, bouncing his leg up and down as he tried to focus on the movie. For some reason, Roy’s silence made Danny assume that he was mad or something about the fact that he had pulled away from the kiss. And Danny didn’t like the thought of Roy being upset at him one bit. Unable to shut his mind up, he abruptly rushed out of the room, returning with a bong and some of his weed stash. As he placed everything down on the coffee table, Roy watched his shaky hands set everything out.

“Chola, you do realise that if you keep smoking that shit you’re gonna wreck your voice” Roy commented, watching Danny lean his back against the couch as he ground the weed up.

“I know” Danny snapped. Roy opened his mouth to respond, but was left lost for words. Danny obviously needed to smoke to calm himself down, so Roy decided not to comment.

Danny visibly relaxed as soon as he took a hit; his shoulders drooping lazily; his breathing slowing and eyes closing. But Roy couldn’t figure out why he seemed so on edge in the first place; normally he was relaxed when they were around each other, Danny always saying that Roy was one of the few people who could keep him calm. Jesus Christ, Roy thought, This kiss has really fucked things up. He hoped and prayed that things were only awkward because it was still fresh in their minds.

The smell of weed immediately filled to room, and Roy screwed up his nose.

“Sorry. I’m just a bit on edge” Danny admitted, distracting himself by blowing smoke rings into the air.

“I can tell. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine” Danny gave him a reassuring smile. “Come here” Danny grabbed his phone and pulled Roy in close to him, holding it up to take a picture of them. Roy pouted his lips and used the picture as an excuse to nestle into Danny as close as he could. When Danny took the picture, he kept his head resting against Roy’s chest as he captioned it.

‘Movie nights with this fucker @thebiancadelrio’

Roy grinned softly at the caption, watching as Danny posted it to his Instagram. He kept his head resting against Roy’s chest and brought his attention back to the movie. The weed had calmed him down to a point that he was feeling brave.

His body tensed up at first, but eventually Roy casually looped his arm around Danny’s waist and snuggled into him. And in that moment, everything was perfect. Neither of them were uncomfortable. Neither of them were unhappy. They were just wrapped around each other, savouring the intimate moment.

Danny was trying to watch the movie, but his mind was focusing on how lovely it felt to be cuddled up next to Roy like this. He had a warm feeling across his chest from the weed, and he was contentedly sleepy, eyes half shut. The atmosphere had suddenly gone from awkward to comfortable, and Danny was so fucking glad. His mind was racing, however, struggling to steer his thoughts away from Roy to focus on the film he’d already seen so many times. It was much easier said than done. After debating with his head, Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Fuck it, he thought, turning his head to face Roy.

“Roy” Danny asked, looking up at the older man. Roy stared down at him with a warm smile on his face. Danny stared at him like he was trying to memorise how his face looked, smiling softly as his eyes scanned the dark brown eyes, olive skin and dark stubble on his jaw.

“Yeah?” Roy asked, eyes unable to move away from Danny’s.

Before Danny could change his mind, he quickly pressed his lips against Roy’s in a small peck, leaving them there for a little while. When Danny felt Roy softly kiss back, his stomach lurched, and he tried his hardest to suppress a grin. Then he broke the kiss with another peck, before whipping his head back around to focus on the movie again, nestling his head back into Roy’s shoulder, trying to hide the massive smile on his face. He closed his eyes and bit his lip, moving in closer.

Roy’s eyes widened, completely taken by surprise. Grinning like an idiot (and grateful that Danny’s back was turned so he couldn’t see the look on his face), Roy bent down and pressed a kiss to Danny’s forehead before shifting slightly and nestling into him.Roy had never had such a blissful moment in his life.

[sarahinzhuhai-blog]

Week 2: I can't think of a title

Friends, family, strangers, what’s poppin? Week 2 in 中国 has come to a close and it was a wild one. This blogging on Sunday thing is really great for my procrastination-loving heart, and really bad for actually remembering things, so bear with me. You might notice this is getting posted on Friday, and not Sunday. Well, that’s because of some ~~fun~~ circumstances that you can find out about in next weeks post! Sorry! // 周一（zhōuyī，Monday): Monday started off without a dictation, because 车老师 is a wonderful person who doesn’t believe in weekend homework. Class was, as usual, an information overload, but still fun. We played a new game in class (where people have a verb or noun on their head and you have to ask questions, etc to make them say the word or do the action). Another thing: in Chinese, there is a particle, “了”， that has always confused me (it has many different uses, and I’m not sure when to use it and when not to). So I decided to ask my 语伴. This turned into a conversation with 车老师, the TAs, other 语伴s and on Tuesday, another professor. The question asking went an extra half hour into lunch and then I ended up eating with 车老师， one of the TAs and my 语伴。 I didn’t leave my question asking behind in America, I guess. I was very tired all day because I was up so late blogging the night before 👀…oops. At the end of the day, instead of meeting with our 语伴s (yǔbàn，language partner) for 30 minutes, we met for community service. The project they have selected for us to do this year is to help raise awareness about and reduce plastic bag usage and waste, which is a huge problem in China. To give you some context, Zhuhai is considered one of the cleanest cities in China, but the beaches are riddled with trash. It’s shocking. The plan for our projects was, on Monday we would write a survey and have our 语伴s help us translate it, on Tuesday we would go out and survey people on campus, on Thursday we would plan out our "propaganda” campaign and later in the month we would go out and talk with the public and get people to pledge to change their actions (with the pledge varying with each groups different approach to the issue). My group is me, Richa, Zack and Garrett. Monday was pretty rough. I was really tired and irritable, and I felt like a lot of responsibility was falling on me but I felt that way because I wasn’t sharing responsibilities….anyways, Richa and I talked afterwards so we’re all good now. We finished using the questions and I took the bus home with Matthew after hitting up the supermarket with Matthew and Anthony. // My sister had four of her finals today, and she said they went well, so I went out to dinner to celebrate with my mom and sister. It was so, so good. Pork, goose, noodles, vegetables, fried rice, watermelon, guava...all delicious! It was my first time trying goose, and I have mixed but mostly positive feelings. // Afterwards, we went to 笑笑’s friends house. I got to meet the friend, her little 9mo brother, the mom, dad, and grandparents. I held the brother (who was SO CUTE and very fascinated by me), talked a little bit with the family, helped the mom translate a work email, got a tour of the house, ate lychees and gave my little sister and her friend a ballet lesson. It was so much fun, and definitely lifted my mood from earlier in the day. I walked home in high spirits. // 周二（zhōuèr，Tuesday): Tuesday was the 4th of July! I told my mom in the morning and she offered me a white rabbit candy, which I thought was pretty funny but thoughtful at the same time. Got the 了question figured out at the beginning of lunch (I’m so grateful that literally everyone involved in the program is so willing to help). After lunch, we played a version of Monday’s game with all verbs (it was sort of a mess, a lot of English was spoken, but we had a good time). Chris, BBC and Queen Isabel joined us for that–-in the end, it boiled down to people forcing Shayley to take a selfie with them. I was eliminated early in the game when I flashed a peace sign. // Community service was very interesting. It started off with Grace and Emily getting us all watermelon to celebrate the 4th, which was very thoughtful! Since we are still in the thick of monsoon season, the weather continues to alternate between rain so hard it could flash flood up to your ankles (this happened to my 语伴）and hours of sunshine. Consequently, we decided to survey people who were inside major buildings on campus rather than walking around. My group picked the library. Since only half of the 语伴s came to help with the day's activities, Outing and Chris had to help another group, so learned how to say “traitor" in order to tell Outing how betrayed I felt. // Surveying people was fun, but a challenge…we split our group in half, so Garrett, me and my 语伴 formed one team. We interviewed about 8 people (could have been 9 if the police officer had agreed), and unless we were asking the simpler questions, I couldn’t understand a lot of what they were saying…but I got the gist, and the gist was that most of them were aware of the problem and did some things to cut down on their waste (some more than others…one guy was just totally unaware), but often didn’t have convenient access to recycling services. This is definitely a problem I have run across these few weeks. That being said, we don’t have the means to change city infrastructure, so my group decided that our focus would be encouraging people to use reusable bags and bottles, cutting down the waste at the source (it’s common for people to use 1-2 plastic bottles a day here). // After community service concluded, we were originally planning on going to a Starbucks by the beach and seeing the lovers post office (a famous site here), but the rain cancelled those plans so we settled on KTV instead. Unfortunately, the canteen KTV was closed, so Chris took us to a KTV in the middle of nowhere (aka Huitong, I think) near the edge of campus. On our way there, Alec and Anthony blasted music out of the speaker they bought at Gongbei. The most memorable moment of the walk was dancing to YMCA on the median (and everywhere else tbh we listened to the song like 20 times) and getting filmed by a police officer who thought it was funny. Also practicing my angry Chinese and making a guy who walked by laugh. KTV was really fun--we sang lots of American songs (we belted out Party in the USA more than once) and had a blast even though the program didn’t appear to have any song from after 2010. There was no Lana del Rey, so BBC and I sang Adele instead. While I did enjoy myself, my fun was sort of ruined by the fact that I was in the middle of having what I would describe as not-quite-an-anxiety-attack-but-getting-there because of a dog that we passed that was in really, really bad shape. I won’t go into the details again but I’m constantly frustrated here by the low standard for animal care and the lack of humane societies, etc…I understand that it’s not a priority at the moment but that doesn’t make it any less saddening, frustrating, etc. Queen Isabel and several of my friends (shoutout to Grace, Lexi, Josh, Alec and BBC...y'all are the best) helped me through it and I still managed to enjoy the evening. I had a few McDonalds fries (which was concerning because I had told my parents I was going to eat a full dinner), and Chris helped me and Alec call a cab to get home. // Once I arrived home, my mom brought out some mussels (? Some sort of shell thing) and told me that I had to eat it right now or it would go bad. So we had mussels, apples, bread and milk. A very confusing dinner but very good nonetheless. My sister asked me if I wanted to watch a certain TV show and at first I didn’t know what she was talking about, but then I realized it’s actually a show I watch online in the States and got h y p e d // In the middle of the show, my mom yelled really loud and then my sister started yelling too. At first, I was really confused but I soon found out that my sister was one of three in four hundred to get 100% on her exams. Then I started yelling too. I understood a few things my dad said for the first time (which surprised BOTH of us) and generally had a good evening. My dad told me I should call my actual mom and dad every day, so I called my actual parents before bed and ended up staying up super late again. Oops (are you seeing a pattern here?). Anyways, it was a roller coaster of an evening but everything turned out alright! // 周三（zhōusān, Wednesday): Classes were alright as usual. We’ve started “learning” song lyrics during the after lunch class. Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to mention is that I found out two of the TAs (one of whom I was very intimidated by before) are big kpop fans! They played a song on Tuesday on the projector (车老师 commented that the only kpop group she knew was BIGBANG), which was already a bop, but on Wednesday I found out that Ruby and I are both major BTS fans (specifically, I described them as my favorite group on the planet and she agreed). I did one of the dances I learned for her (she filmed it 😂) and she then immediately added me on multiple social media platforms. You can make fun of me all you want, but Kpop has been the common interest that allowed me to bond with many people here (we’re talking 30-50% of all the Chinese people I have made friendships with). Anyways, after having a fun time in class (we also did calligraphy practice today), we headed to culture class. This week we learned 空竹（kōngzhú， aka Diabolo aka Chinese Yoyo). The class was the most fun after I accepted that I was going to do terribly and focused on having a good time and getting a solid grasp on the basics. My group was Garrett, Sydney, Abigale and Outing as our 语伴（so I stopped calling him traitor). By the end of class, I was definitely still in the bottom 3 but I could do several tricks. After class, Alec, Maya, Garrett and I went to McDonalds at the transfer station (which is waaayyy better than McDonalds in America) and got green tea soft serve. It was really good (especially knowing that, just like on America, McDs ice cream machine se are perpetually broken here), but Garrett said he would never order another matcha flavored thing in his life. Afterwards, we took the bus home together...Maya took the wrong bus. // Feeling content, I got home to an empty house. My mom came home briefly, and imagine my surprise when she pulled out two pieces of apple pie and offered me one. Oops, not a good day to have a gigantic ice cream after school (and a small one at lunch). So I had the pie, then she made dinner (I’m confused about the order too…) and left again. // I decided to give my friend 朱明亮 a call and we talked for the better part of an hour. It was so nice to actually be able to speak and understand Chinese…maybe it’s the accent in Guangdong or maybe I’m just bad at Chinese but I never know what people are saying and it’s incredibly frustrating (I especially can’t understand guys..maybe because of the lower register). While we talked, I practiced my left hand chopstick skills...we don't need to talk about how that went. After the conversation, I practiced piano for Saturday (more details on that in a sec), did my homework (sort of) and went to bed. // 周四（Zhōusì, Thursday): Thursday’s classes were hard. We covered a LOT of grammar points and it was a lot to take in. This whole week was a lot to take in in terms of course material…this class moves almost 3x the pace of my normal class at school. Since this weekend's cultural excursion would be a visit to Guangzhou, the TAs gave us a class on the history of Guangzhou and some cool places to visit there. Then they presented the stamp winners for the week. This week, stamps were kept in a public place, so I got a little more competitive. My efforts paid off, however, because I got that #1. // After class, it was time for community service again. My group wrote our campaign, Chris helped us create a slogan and we designed t-shirts. Since our group wasn’t focused the whole time and we talked a lot about what we were doing, we haven’t actually translated the elevator pitch to Chinese but that’s okay. Also, I definitely didn’t write the wrong character in the slogan on the back of the shirt...I don’t know what you’re talking about. Zack got w o k e about plastic pollution in China and our final slogan is: “笑笑改变，大有不同 - Cleaner Zhuhai, Brand New City” (Translation: “A small change can make a big difference"which is already apparently a phrase charged with environmental connotations according to Chris, so that’s good). After community service, Maya and I definitely didn’t go do ballet in a studio on campus. Nope. I definitely wasn’t instructed to keep that on the DL (which is equally fun to say in Chinese, as it turns out). Other things that definitely did not happen: 1) being super out of shape and barely being able to do a grande plié 2) Having a really awkward conversation when two university students who were actually supposed to be there came in to use the room. After not-dancing, Maya took the wrong bus so she could ride with me, and I headed home to practice piano, pack up for Guangzhou, and otherwise prepare. // 周五（zhōuwǔ，Friday）: On Friday morning, we met up at the hotel and took the bus to Guangzhou. I tried to sleep a bit on the way there, but the scenery outside was really cool (SO different from the US omg) and the kids sitting in the back of the bus were blasting music (YMCA made a comeback), but the music was good so I can’t complain. My favorite was when they played "Empire State of Mind” but sang “Guangzhou” every time Alicia Keys said New York. Our first stop was the American Consulate in Guangzhou. After getting through security, we entered the building and I immediately felt like I was in America again. Maybe it was the super strong AC. Maybe it was the bathrooms (which not only had the first western toilets I had seen in two weeks but TP, soap and paper towels. I literally did a celebratory dance. There were several witnesses). Maybe it was the diplomat who spoke with us’ southern accent. Or maybe it was the fact that technically we had returned to America (apparently the consulate is considered American territory? According to Anthony). Anyways, after speaking with a Foreign Service Officer about his job, the role of the US embassies in China and of the Guangzhou consulate in particular, we bid our farewells. Leaving the consulate and returning to daily life in China was a weird and unexpected shock to my system. I don’t know what happened inside that consulate but it was like a weird mindset shift. Anyways, soon enough I was back to normal. Our next stop was a restaurant called Panxi. This was, no exaggeration, the most amazing restaurant I’ve been to in my entire life. Not because of the food (although the food was good), but because of the building itself. We entered into a courtyard where there was a waterfall (not a baby one but like 14+ feet) flowing into a koi pond, lanterns hanging from the wooden roof over the walkways, and several pathways leading to different rooms where we could eat. Our room was not only overlooking a pond, but appeared to be over the pond. It was absolutely gorgeous, and I had a great time chatting with friends as we watched the monsoon rain pelt the surface of the water. We also watched construction take place on the building, and construction is terrifying here. They use bamboo scaffolding, and it seems really unsteady and no one uses harnesses, even if three stories high. I have seen this in both Zhuhai and Guangzhou and it is very impressive but very nervewracking. // After lunch, we went to two museums–the Thirteen Hongs museum and the Liwan museum. The former was a museum that talked about the history of the Thirteen Hongs, which were a group of businessmen/companies that were the only ones licensed to do business with foreign countries during the Qing dynasty (the last dynasty before the Republic of China). They did their trading out of Guangzhou, and the museum was full of items that were traded,old maps, information, paintings, everything you can imagine. Guangzhou has a history of combining East and West (because of the Thirteen Hongs situation, I think), and this manifested itself in very interesting ways. One of the most interesting things I saw at the museum (although everything was absolutely stunning; the intricacy and care that went into every product was overwhelming) was a shell carving that had been done by a Chinese artist of the Last Supper and other Biblical scenes. Guangzhou also has a much higher foreigner population than Zhuhai (I saw more there in two days than in my entire time in Zhuhai). The second museum, called the Liwan museum, was a replica of a typical Xiguan house, which were a group of people that often did business with/interacted with foreigners. As such, several architectural elements included Western components. That being said, a lot of the house was built with traditional Chinese beliefs (and some specific to Guangdong/Guangzhou, e.g. Things related to how words sound in Cantonese), which was very interesting. Afterwards, we were given time to explore this very pretty little area of town. Richa and I paired off and saw a shrine, traditional opera, passed by a beautiful lake (which had some boats underwater that were clearly there on purpose but for no apparent reason), several vendors, and met some people who were very excited to say Hello to us. We also might have gotten followed briefly but 没关系。We were supposed to get dinner on our own, but we didn’t realize where we were supposed to go (up this one road) so we quickly walked over there, got 包子 and milk tea (I was very proud of us for successfully ordering both in Chinese and surviving when the 包子store owner tried to hold a conversation with us…I have a feeling neither of us were understanding each other but that’s pretty standard for my conversations here so I’m not worried about it). After, we rode the bus to a ferry stop by the Pearl River and were given time to walk around. Grace, Maya and I walked together. The experience started off by me getting yelled at at full volume by a old guy on a bike with some baskets because I didn’t realize I was in his way. Some bystanders found this hilarious, I did not. After our walk up and down the river, we ran to make it back on time and got on the ferry. The ferry was ~awesome~. We got to see the lights of the city at night (and on the water), and got to go up close to the Guangzhou tower (which is the seventh tallest building in the world, apparently). It was absolutely gorgeous (I’m not doing it justice with my words here). Also, after helping these people take a picture, they asked to take a picture with me which is the first time I’ve been asked for a picture in China (yay?). I also got to talk to Grace a lot which was really nice, she is very similar to me and I enjoy her company. After the ferry, we headed to the hotel. For this trip, I roomed with Tully. Before room checks, after a failed attempt to go to the roof, we all met up in Garrett’s room. Matthew was spooked because the room across (next to?) his and Josh’s was room 444 (which is, like, the worst and most unlucky number possible here…I’m actually surprised the hotel has one) and then their lights went out, so he was doing martial arts. It was very intimidating. Josh, Maya, Anthony and I then spent the hour stretching (or in Josh’s case, struggling and suffering) and goofing around. The stretching was prompted by Katie showing all of us that she is RIDICULOUSLY flexible (after which I encouraged her to take up ballet), which made Garrett look physically pained just from watching. After curfew, Tully and I talked, which was mice because I don’t see her or talk to her a lot, and we went to sleep without showering because the room was kinda gross. // 周六（zhōuliù，Saturday): Saturday was just as wild as Friday, if not more so (which I didn’t think was possible). The first order of business was breakfast. Fully, David, Abigale, Shayley, Maya, Reyna, maybe Zack (sorry I forgot) and I went to a local shop to eat 肠粉 (chángfěn），a Guangdong specialty. It’s a dish that they make by pouring out rice batter (that’s definitely the wrong word) in a thin layer on a sheet, adding veggies and/or egg and/or meat and then cooking it (I think they steamed it). Then they roll it all up and cover it with a sauce. I had the veggie one and some chocolate bean milk thing (as far as I know) and it was very delicious. Then we were off to a local elementary school. They gave us an orchestra performance using traditional Chinese instruments and these kids were crazy good. They were between ages 7 and 11 and they had been selected to join this orchestra. Saturday was their first day of break but they all seemed happy to be there. After a few traditional songs, they let us go up to kids and have them teach us how to play. I tried out the guzheng (which was super cool), the erhu (which I was terrible at but had fun with) and another instrument whose name I forget right now (you use hammers to hit strings and I was very very confused and bad at it). Most of the kids I talked to were practicing an hour or more a day, and were very very good. One kid who stood out was a guy who could play both the hammer+strong instrument and a Chinese drum. When they went around and introduced all the instruments to us, kids did solos on each instrument and he did the drum-it was stunning. He played so quickly and precisely!!! Then, it was time for us to perform for them. I played the Rachmaninoff Prelude (a shortened version), but I sort of botched the performance and I’m not sure why. Then we all sang the chorus of “对不起” (the song about our Chinese being bad) and the kids played more traditional music and a western classical song adapted to their orchestra (which was really cool). After, I was feeling kind of crappy about my performance when we went down to the bottom level and goofed around on the playground before taking some pictures with the kids and heading out. Imagine my surprise when one kid asked for my autograph, and then suddenly a group of kids all wanted me to sign things and give them my WeChat username. That was quite literally my 15 minutes of fame! // After heading out, we spent a few minutes in a square nearby (some of my new elementary school friends were there) and then headed to lunch. Lunch was not as good, which was probably not helped by the fact that there were several older guys smoking inside. This is one of the things I’ve had a lot of trouble getting used to here–there are a LOT of smokers here, and while I often see signs inside that say no smoking, I also have gotten used to seeing ashtrays inside those very same rooms. The toilet experience there was….unpleasant, and then we were off to a tea house. // As we got off the bus and began to walk to the tea house, rain was POURING. I was wearing my rap jacket (I forgot my umbrella at school, oops) and by the time we entered the tea house, my entire lower half was drenched. I spent the first few minutes awkwardly wringing out my dress and using tissues to attempt to dry myself off. // This teahouse was very different from the one my mom took me to; rather than one table, it had three stories, multiple side rooms, and many many many different kinds of tea (for a significant price). One of the coolest things was getting to talk to the owner about his company (he also owns a tea bank and apparently a mountain? I heard he rents the mountain? Not super clear), getting to see this big wood fourpostbed-looking thing that people would drink tea at from the Qing dynasty, and getting to have a conversation (entirely in Chinese) with one of the ladies about the different tools used at the table. The latter was a bit stressful because I couldn’t understand a lot, but I had to help my friends. We got the gist of what was going on, so all was well. Afterwards, we headed down for the tea ceremony. I have always thought of drinking tea as a quiet affair, but there were three guys there who were really loud and an absolute RIOT. One of them really hit it off with Alec and Isabel, and I will cherish the memory of them all loudly yelling 干杯(gānbēi，cheers, coincidentally one of this weeks vocabulary words) and making everyone on our half of the gigantic wooden table toast (and then them taking selfies together), which I’m pretty sure isn’t traditional tea protocol 😂 After tea, they gave us each a bag that had information and a teacup in it (!), which was super generous, and we were swept back onto the bus. // A few hours later, we were back in Zhuhai. Everyday Zhuhai feels more and more like home, so I am getting more and more sad at the thought of having to say goodbye. But returning to Zhuhai didn’t mean my excitement was over for the day. My sister had a piano recital, and I was in charge of getting myself there. My mom had sent me directions for which bus stops to take, and the first ride went perfectly. But then, there were no busses coming any time soon to my intermediate stop, so I had a problem. My mom told me to take a taxi, and if I couldn’t figure it out, to ask someone at the station to help me. No one was at the station. Now, in case you were wondering, here’s a list of things I have never done: 1) Taken a taxi by myself 2) Completed a taxi transaction in an unfamiliar place in the middle of China 3) Completed a taxi transaction in Chinese. Well, I’m proud to say that I managed to do all 3, and I even had a conversation with the driver about how long he had been driving, how long he had been in Zhuhai, how long I had been in China, etc. He helped me find my building, and my journey was complete! My mom was very proud/impressed/surprised that I had successfully navigated (I was a little concerned at how surprised she was), and I was greeted with a good old fashioned fast food dinner of French fries, a chicken sandwich and soda. That was a little bit of a shock to my system (the first "American” meal I’d had since I arrived) but a welcome taste from home. After, we headed upstairs to watch the recital. //The recital was my little sister and a bunch of high school students, and some of these kids were really good. One girl was 15 and played 4 songs, including a full sonata and the Revolutionary Etude. I was floored by her talent. At the end of the show, I ended up befriending her and a few other students. I’m excited to have some friends that are around my age! I goofed around on one of the pianos outside during intermission (aka poorly played Rachmaninoff and Chopin) and some people started filming me…not because it was really good, just because I’m a 外国人 . I don’t mind, it’s just a little odd when people take pictures of you/film you without ever talking to you or asking permission. // 周日（zhōurì，Sunday): After the excitement of the past few days, Sunday was a welcome rest. I woke up a little later than usual and my family and I went out to 早茶(zǎochá）, which translates to morning tea but is actually like lots of small dishes that you can eat for breakfast or lunch or in our case, brunch. We had 早茶 in this really cool restaurant where the top floors were hotel rooms and the bottom floors were like hotel rooms but for eating. Each party gets its own room with a table and very nice bathroom. The bathrooms had western toilets, toilet paper AND soap so the restaurant definitely got my stamp of approval. Okay, back to the food. We had everything from red bean buns shaped like pigs (which were SO CUTE) to squares of what looked like super fancy layered jello (I would say the flavor but I have no idea what the flavor was). It was very delicious but my stomach got a little overwhelmed by how many sweet and oily things there were. When I declined sugar in my warm milk drink, my mom declined it for me first and told my dad (in Chinese) that I was afraid of getting fat and so I wouldn’t want any. I retorted that I was not in fact afraid of getting fat and that I just didn’t want sugar in my drink. I think she thinks this because I don’t eat a lot, but I DO eat a lot (I was literally never hungry the first week because I am constantly being fed or having more food put on my plate). Confusing remarks aside, I had a really nice meal and this was the first time our whole family sat down at the same table to eat together, so I enjoyed the morning. Then, my dad, sister and I took the train that goes alongside the road home, which was very nice and a fun new experience. // After getting home, my sister and I both worked on homework. She asked me to help her translate the English text she was reading into Chinese, but my Chinese wasn’t good enough so I was pretty useless there. Her homework and mine made me so tired I fell asleep (that’s my homework strategy in America too…I’m a consistent student). After I woke up, Maya and I decided to meet up to hang out in TangJia. I took the bus over and had a really nice time walking in the park and goofing around on all the exercise equipment with her (despite the weird looks we got from some police officers). It was also nice to have a long, peaceful conversation with a friend after such a whirlwind of a week. I came home for dinner, watched TV with the fam, and started writing this blog post!// Okay this last part is going to be a little TMI, so if that’s not your thing, catch you next week. For you brave souls, I have a few more comments to make. 1) Being a girl and dealing with all the bodily functions that come as a result of that is Not A Fun Time in China. It’s annoying and inconvenient and has made me like squat pots less. 2) Having some stomach emergencies during your sisters piano recitals intermission and then running out of tissues in the land of no-TP-in-public-restrooms is an experience you won’t and can’t forget. // Okay, that’s it for this week! ✌️️

[markleetrashh]

Best Friend Jeno

this is for @jfcwhatevenismylifeanymore , thanks for requesting love 💜

i miss this sunshine so much honestly

and i see some of y'all sleeping on him so im not gonna allow that

kidding dont smack me im smol

okay let’s start !!

you’d known him since you were kids because y'all were in the same kindergarden

even when he was younger , he was so goodlooking and cute you lowkey had a small crush/infatuation with him once

but all that faded away when one day in primary/elementary school y'all got partnered to do a math project

jeno being the sweetheart , he contributed a lot to the project and did like at most 80% of the work

but he still credited you and told the teacher ,

“ Y/N did most of the work !! please give her good marks ”

and like that you were touched and the both of you started to hang out even more ,

from joining each other during break time

and visiting each others’ houses when you had the time to

and you realised that both of you had the same interests and likings , everything instantly clicked

fast forward to now , y'all are still in the same school , same class

the thought that both of you were actually long lost siblings actually did cross your mind once ,

since the both of your personalities fitted each other and y'all could hardly ever be seperated

most of the time he just laughs and smiles a lot at the things you say ,

making small comments like

“ you’re so stupid haha ”

“ why are we friends ”

“ i can’t believe i’ve known you for more than 10 years already ”

the next moment he’s posting on social media how thankful he is for you

he saved your contact name as ’ tomato face 🍅 “ because he keeps teasing and reminding you of the time where you got all embarrassed in front of the whole class as you were told to present alone , and you were blushing like mad , when you were like 8

and you saved his as ’ unnecessary eyesmiles 🌙 ’

lowkey suggested by donghyuck

but also because he’s always smiling with his eyes even when there isn’t a need to

but again he looks cute whenever he does so you don’t say anything

honestly the type of best friend to help you no matter what

one time one other guy was harrassing and getting too close to you ,

jeno noticed and ran straight up to you , his arms slinging around your shoulders,

” let’s go babe “

and when you stare at him in confusion , he’d nudge you

” y-yeah let’s go jeno oppa “

and right after he acts like a mom & asks you if you’re fine

but after he laughs it off and teases you about the face you made when you were shocked previously

and after that incident people around the school started speculating and making rumours that both of you were a couple

and some even said that y'all had been sweethearts since young

like one junior suddenly came up to the both of you one day and mentioned about how much she supported the relationship

and both you and jeno would just be there staring at each other confused and awkwardly

it became such a huge matter your parents had to personally go down to the school to prove that y'all were just best friends

because the teachers heard from one student that he saw both of you making out in school one day

what is with these people y'all two are just smol kids im-

he loves disturbing and teasing you when you’re busy doing something ,

because he doesn’t like it when you get too focused and gets stressed

so he uses this as a way to cheer you up

and he’d purposely keep your stationery away from you when you were doing your homework ,

as he giggled and flashed you his eyesmile again

for once you thought he was innocent from those eyes

he’s so supportive of your decisions ,

like when you told him you found out you had feelings for mark ,

he got excited with/for you and literally wrote a long list on mark’s likes/dislikes all for you , so you were able to know him better

and with the help of donghyuck , he managed to save your number into mark’s phone and he also texted you with it ,

” hey ? “

” oh im sorry , who’s this ? “

” it’s mark here “

and you’d stare at your phone screen in horror ,

but another text comes in

” i don’t remember saving this in my phone but it says ’ qt tomato 🍅 ’ , may i know who this is ? “

and when you yelled at jeno to complain , he’d just laugh it off and apologise

but thanks to him you slowly got closer to mark and according to jeno too ,

he said that mark had feelings for you also

he wouldn’t mind skinship at all but he knows his boundaries ,

and he didn’t get too close to you as he was afraid the rumours would start again , and that it’ll only affect you and mark’s relationship

hugs and linking arms are normal though

and he loves to play with your hair when he’s bored too

when he’s in a good mood he treats you to meals ,

and would also treat you like he’s your older brother ,

getting you things want

at the end of the day he’s always grateful to have you as a bestfriend ,

just as much as you are

he’s such an innocent and fun person to be with , who wouldn’t want to be best friends with him tbh

i miss lee jeno

i hope y'all enjoyed this !!

[yaldev]

300 stories! In this thread: celebration, circumstantial updates, project statistics and story plans going forward!

CELEBRATION:

yay me, i hit the arbitrary multiple of one hundred which is itself only relevant due to our base-10 number system, WHOOP DE DOO

Alright, celebration over. No need to rest on my laurels.

On a non-shitpost note, it often feels hard for me to take pride in my own accomplishments when I hold myself to the standards of the people I admire, who had typically accomplished more literary by my age than I have. Then again, they live in different circumstances than I do.

CIRCUMSTANTIAL UPDATES:

I'm not particularly proud of rate of progress in this place, but I also have to give myself some credit. A shitty breakup some months back with someone who involved herself pretty crucially in this project made Yaldev feel poisoned for a considerable length of time after, and I had to work through my inner storm until the creative muse would return. University's been eating a lot of my time and energy, delaying both that endeavour and Yaldev itself after it was finished. None of this made better by my shitty time-management skills and tendency to spend entire free evenings doing shit I don't even really enjoy. But of course that can't stop me. The kind of person I want to be wouldn't let any of this stop them.

Speaking of university, I've been heavily informed by a literature class I've been taking on science fiction. It's lead to me treating that aspect as something different from a mere aesthetic, fantasy with a coat of fancy paint, but something separate and defined by its own qualities. It's also forced me to do more reading of the genre and come to an understanding of some of its strengths (worldbuilding, creativity through restrictions, aesthetic potential, power in commenting on the present using the future as a device) and weaknesses (worldbuilding, restrictions on creativity, relatability, failing to make the damn characters/plot/prose interesting). In other words, if you notice me treating more scientific aspects of Yaldev differently in future writing, it's probably a result of what I've been learning here.

Above all, the single most important lesson: "bro fantasy writers are just too stupid to write SF bro,, they have arts degrees instead of STEM degrees like SF writers so they're really just intellectual inferiors, you have to have a very high IQ to understand r-"

I'm also not putting too much pressure on myself to go faster specifically because I'm still learning. When I sit down to write a post more historical in nature, it helps if I've done so after learning some more history. Same goes for economics, mythology, science, anything really. I'm still young and I have no doubt that I'll be looking back at much of what I've written and utterly cringe at my ignorance in several fields. To my future self who inevitably does so: I was self-aware of my lack of expertise, I did what I could with the knowledge I had, I frequently broke away from using this knowledge to create total realism in favour of pursuing my creative vision at the time, and I had to write a lot of bad stuff before I was ready to make anything good. So shut up you endlessly self-critical bastard.

COVID outbreak has prompted the cancellation of all classes for the rest of this term. I'll still be having to work on final papers and such, but Yaldev productivity will probably jump up a bit more.

I will be throwing some Yaldev ads out there soon, most likely candidates being Reddit and/or Facebook. If you've arrived here from one of said ads, welcome! Sorry for interrupting you, I was just really excited to show you my stories!

STATISTICS:

This is the fun part, lads! Get ready for some stats and some commentary!

Total Stories: 300

As should be obvious, all numbers are only for the point at which I'm writing this post.

Project Age: 1124 Days

Damn, oldie.

How Long You Have to Wait, on Average, For the Next Post: Approximately 3.75 Days

Yeah, it's nowhere near Beeple's output. Sorry to say that my muse isn't always in this place. I do write something creative every day but it's usually not something that works as canon in here. On that note, I do highly recommend that whatever your creative hobby is, do something every day to practice it, even if it's not much or not for long. You have to keep that part of your brain constantly active to maintain your present skill and remain in a state where you can improve with time.

This number would be lower if not for some of my longer hiatuses. I hope to eventually bring that down to 3.5, for an average of two posts per week across the project's history.

Readers Across All Platforms: 412 (58 on Facebook, 129 on Instagram, 119 on Reddit, 106 on Tumblr)

Howdy y'all! Thanks for being here and reading my steadily-improving crap. I really struggle with talking about my creative projects in real life, including Yaldev, primarily out of a self-trained instinct to shut myself up about it on the understanding that nobody cares - especially not other creative types, since we're all too invested in our own creation to pay much heed to others. I've been trying to overcome that, and you're helping me just by being here to read. That tells me there's potential in this and that it's something that at least some people genuinely want to see. Artists shouldn't attach their sense of self to their creations, but I can't help but feel validated through that.

At the same time, I do often fear that mine is the sort of content that just gets a like tossed at it for the pretty visuals on the way down the endless content scroll, without having made a real impression on anyone or created a lasting memorry. I'll probably always have that worry, which comes as much from a disdain for general Internet culture as anything else. (I say that as someone quite embedded in and familiar with it; at some point you just get tired of it all.)

Stories Per Reader: Approximately 0.73

Makes it sound like a pretty good growth rate, if on average I'm getting one (and sometimes more) new follower per story. I guess "good growth rate" is somewhat subjective and depends on your goal, but for me, having a tangible unit of increase for each at all feels good.

For word counts, all of them include post titles.

Shortest Story: Caged Light (26)

Unsurprisingly, the shortest posts in general are the ones that are excerpts of stylistic machine language. The runner-up is Titanium Hearts, at 32.

Longest Story: Steelflakes (2024)

That's right, the longest Yaldev story is this piece I revised over and over, and which basically nobody read! :^)

The runner-up is Meeting with the Oracle, at 2014.

Total Word Count: 68,689

That's within the realm of a standard novel, but fantasy novels tend to be about 100k words. We just might get there, lads!

Average Story Length: Approximately 229 words

Yep, makes sense. Over time I've come to realize that shorter is (generally) best given the attention span of most social media users. I think 200-250 words is solid, but of course there'll be deviations from that.

STORY PLANS GOING FORWARD:

It somewhat stresses me out how many "unfinished plots" there are. I'm mostly concerned about the fate of Dread Fighter Tarle, Decadin's death, the campaign of Commander Bruzek, Aran's life situation, the fall of the capital city, and most of all the journeys of Inzohm and the Lone Traveller. The last two are especially concerning because they're the only ones where I feel somewhat lost on where to go with it, and since it's literally the chronological end there's a lot of pressure to make it good and let it end with a good impression. That said, I'm not going to force early development for any of these. Sometimes it's a matter of having to wait for good art to come up. This may have to be awhile, since it took awhile for Beeple to start including humans in his art.

It's theoretically possible that some things still aren't tied up by the project's end, in which case I'll do something short and likely artless just to give them a resolution.

When I get to Beeple's later art I plan to be putting more focus on individual cities across Yaldev with it, shining a stronger light on Ascendant culture, and its regional variants based on the remnants of cultures it overran. I'd also like to do more pre-civilization loredumps, about the chaotic landscapes and natural phenomena of early Yaldev in the days before humans tilled the land and dammed the Aether.

Regarding visual consistency: expect variance. Some things in different pieces of art look close enough to each other to be the same object in the narrative, but still have some differences in colour or details that make them non-identical. As the biggest example, most giant disks will be interpreted as the Aether Suppressor even though not all of them will be made of purple crystal with segmenting black lines like the first post depicting it did.

Thanks for being here. What I always wanted as a kid was for other people to be as excited about my worldbuilding as I was, and while I doubt I've hit that extent, I hope my work's had some impact on you.