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#sorry you all get my research shit posts until I'm done
katy-l-wood · 1 year
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Delete your Threads account. You know what Meta as a company has done, you know the kind of person Mark Zuckerberg is. You've lived through Gamergate, the elections, covid, the fucking lot of it, and yet you're still willingly making an account on Threads. How can you possibly justify that?
Second ask: Scratch that, I hadn't read your most recent posts. Sorry for being so rude.
Third ask: "Still going to keep an eye on it" For what exactly? For it not to be as bad as it is? For it to get even worse before you decide it is wrong? You know who Mark Zuckerberg is. You know what Facebook is. Be up front: you don't actually care or stand for anything, you're only afraid of losing business. Have some dignity.
So you decided to be rude as fuck, "apologize," and then come back and be more rude?
I was incredibly clear in that post of why I am going to keep an eye on Threads, despite the concerns: Twitter was a valuable source of live news, especially during natural disasters, and Threads is the first potentially viable replacement for that. IDK if you actually follow me, but if you do you'll know I do a lot of work around natural disaster communication. Twitter was invaluable as a communication source during natural disasters. Full stop. It is not up for debate. But hey, if you want a source with more authority than a random tumblr blog, here, have a nice shiny research paper:
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Mind you, that was written in 2010 and the importance of Twitter as a communications tool during natural disasters has only increased since then. There is no other tool out there, no other website--news or otherwise, that can provide such granular, specific updates when shit hits the fan as Twitter did. The only better, quicker source of information I have found during natural disasters is listening to actual radio chatter from the departments involved in whatever problem, and that can be very tricky to do if you don't know where to look or have the right equipment. There is no other site where I can go specifically follow so many of my local fire departments, my local emergency services, my local National Weather System stations, and get live pushed updates from them every single time they post.
When Twitter DDOSed itself last week and put a limit on the amount of tweets people could view and forced people to be logged in to view anything at all, the effect was immediate and BAD. People suddenly couldn't view things like missing person alerts, or weather alerts. I had people messaging me because they were trying to check the National Weather System autoalerts for their area on Twitter due to being caught in a sudden storm, but they couldn't get on to check.
Love it or hate it, Twitter had an immense amount of value and it got that value--at least in the case of natural disaster communication--because the stubborn ass government decided it was big enough to be trusted with official lines of information. Very, very few other social media sites have ever had that trust from the government. Look at how they banned TikTok on all government devices. But they DO trust Facebook, and Instagram, and Meta. Which means their chances of trusting Threads and migrating over there when Twitter finally takes its last breath are ASTRONOMICALLY higher than expecting them to go anywhere else.
We can debate the privacy and moral issues of the Metaverse and those involved until the cows come home, but it does not change the fact that if my mountain is on fire I'm gonna get information about where that fire is from wherever the fuck I can. I'm not going to wait around for it to maybe show up in a "live" updates news article from CNN from some reporter half a continent away in New York who doesn't know anything about where I live and gets the roads wrong because they just don't know. I'm going to go to the website full of my neighbors and local firefighters and see what's happening right that second.
Do we need to fix the privacy and moral issues? Yes. But we can't throw the baby out with the bathwater either. Not using Threads or any other Meta product isn't the answer here. Using them with extreme caution and only for very specific needs, for the time being, is. Long term, we need to be focusing on privacy based legislation that would finally put these companies in their place. But until then, again, I'm going to keep following my local fire departments wherever they go.
P.S.: If you're going to keep the shitty attitude, fuck right off and unfollow+block. You're not wanted here.
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lraerosesims · 3 months
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Hey, hi, hello, greetings, sul sul!
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So I know I've been a little quiet lately on the Sims CC front, so I thought I'd update you all on what stage I'm up to on each project:
1. The Elderwood Manor Build
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I was working on testing this build for functionality etc, and tried to test in different spots in the neighbourhood, and that's when I discovered some broken terrain in the back of the lot (where the terrain slopes from road height to the beach). I've tried to fix it, haven't had any success yet. So I may end up having to either:
Do more heavy research on how to repair just the broken part - putting off uploading it until fixed, or
Remaking the build as close as possible to how it currently looks but on a flatter beach lot to avoid breaking terrain
Either way, it's unfortunately not ready to post for you all to enjoy just yet, I'M SORRY!!! 😭😭😭 I was really hoping to post it but I'd rather not give you guys a broken lot.
I haven't made basically any progress on this outfit since I last shared a texture WIP here. No excuse really, just taking on too much for my little pea-sized brain to handle and can feel the ADHD burnout creeping in so I don't wanna push myself too hard. Making my CC textures is exhausting, and takes a very big toll on ye olde✨mental✨ so I promise it will get done, but I just require some time to recharge so that way I can share the best possible retextures for you all to enjoy.
2. The Harlow Jumpsuit outfit
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This one is about 75 to 80% complete. It's another very time consuming project, with the screen recording, video editing, voice over recording, blah blah blah. The biggest problem I have is that I feel the need to announce when I'm working on something (to build interest and anticipation for what's to come) but then take ages to finish it - which leaves people wondering if I'm just full of shit or actually going through with it 😂😂but I promise the tut is happening still!
3. Retexturing YouTube Tutorial
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Don't expect this one anytime this decade🤣 I have no idea what I'm doing so I'm winging it entirely. Watch this space though, because who knows maybe I'll just magically find the willpower and mental capacity to figure it all out.
4. Stretched earlobe mesh
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And...5. Whatever this hair is
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So I did a recolour of a base game hair to make an undercut bun hairstyle (that's accurate to my real life five-head)...not sure if anyone would ever even want this in their game. So far I haven't gotten around to binning it, or even making it in different hair colours. It's also just using a Maxis texture I stole from a different hair and reworked to fit this one. But anyway, that one...exists...for some ungodly reason 😅😂
If you read this far, and haven't given up on me or this page yet then I'm eternally grateful (and slightly confused, but I won't question your intentions 😝)
To be honest with you all, I've got a heap of stressful shit going on in the real worldz right now so bear with me and I'll eventually work through the current projects I'm yet to finish.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 - L'Rae
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sasusc · 8 months
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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers
Tagged by: @gneebee
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
41! Holy crap. I think there's a few I haven't cross-posted from ff.net
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
150,223
3. What fandoms do you write for?
The Walking Dead, Doctor Who, Merlin, The Cleaning Lady, DragonBall Z, Stargate Sg-1, Harry Potter, Leverage, Arrow, Firefly, NCIS.
Honorable mentions (fandoms I have in wip but never published): Circle of Magic series, CSI, House MD, The 100, The Big Bang Theory, X-men (the movie), Once Upon a Time, Baby Daddy
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Your Scent Lingers in the Air
you might think I'm crazy, the way I've been cravin'
Steps on a Path
Boredom Leads to Trouble
One More Miracle 
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try! I love and appreciate comments. So used to ff.net where you didn't reply to comments. And I feel weird to keep commenting "thanks" all the time.
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I don't like to write angsty endings. "No Redemption" is probably the only one.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
It's most of them. I always want a happy ending.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
I don't think so. I did get some because I shipped  a couple where people couldn't get over the factor that the female character grew up. Sure she was 12 years old in Season 1, but by season 10? There's references of her in college.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Yep! Fluffy, spicy…I don't know what other kinds there are? M/F
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? 
Not really, but I started to writing a Walking Dead/Stargate SG-1.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
I hope not!
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not that I'm aware of.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Nope.
14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
That's impossible to answer.
15. What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
Steps on a Path…I love this story, but I'm just not into DBZ much anymore.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I feel like I'm true to character when I write. And I try to research things all the time.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Finishing a story. I'm so sorry WIPs. Plot bunnies bite me all the time.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I've done it. Usually it's google translate or something that's used within the fandom. Lately, I just skip the translation and use italics with a note to indicate something being spoken in another language so the readers won't need to scroll to find the translations or I don't butcher the language. 
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Shit…that was 20+ years ago. I think it was probably Sailor Moon. Possibly DragonBall Z.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
One of my favorites…it's almost 10k of a WIP that I haven't even published yet. Angsty time loop Doctor Who fix where I make the Doctor and Donna relieve a certain day over and over again until he can "fix" the thing that went wrong.
But one of my faves that's publish is: you might think I'm crazy, the way I've been cravin'
Tagging: anyone and everyone one.
@whovianlili @wendydarlingfics @piper1016 @deerdens @courtneyshortney82 @dammithawke @mindynichole @im-immortal @fairybellworld
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defilerwyrm · 9 months
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I went back through your asks tag a bit and didn't see anything about this--very sorry if you've answered it before!
I'm less than a year on t, and it's been helping a ton so far; my mental health has improved drastically since changes started happening. But I'm also nervous because originally my plan was to just go on until I got some of the permanent changes, like the voice drop, and then go back off to avoid too much lower atrophy, but after seeing the improvement in my quality of life I'm realizing that going off t is probably a bad idea for me. The idea of any of the less-permanent changes reverting makes me feel sick
I'm not sure how long you've been on t but it seems like it's been a while, and I know you've gotten bottom surgery which changes things, but I was wondering what your experience was with atrophy in general? My doc mentioned that they're happy to give me estrogen cream if needed, but I've heard mixed things on how well it works. I've already noticed some stuff like (sorry, tmi) I can't piss as forcefully anymore. I've done some research but most of the people I've seen talking about it are pretty early transition (or... less than 5 years at least?), and I'm more worried about the long term
I'm not against the idea of getting bottom surgeries and a hysto to prevent atrophy cramps, I *am* dysphoric about my natal junk, but I'm already gonna be in deep financial shit trying to afford top surgery which is a lot more urgent to me, so realistically it's not gonna happen
idk, any advice? Sorry for the rambling
Also I didn't realize you were the one who wrote love songs for monsters - that shit changed me when I read it all those years ago. Thanks for doing what you do
I typed up an answer to this, tagged it, clicked the post button, and my wifi shat the bed. When I was finally able to reconnect, Tumblr refreshed and I lost everything. T___T
Sorry this took so long to reply to! Using a cut for my own TMI
I lucked out and didn’t really have any appreciable amount of atrophy. It made my groin less of a horrid swamp disaster zone, but I still wouldn’t have called it “dry.”
I do have a bit of keloiding in my urethra so whereas I used to be able to empty a full bladder in 12 seconds flat, now it’s about a minute and a half. Not painful, at least.
Estrogen cream is a topical hormone, not a systemic one, so it shouldn’t interfere much at all with your HRT. I think it’s worth a try if your atrophy is bothering you.
But yeah, if you end up getting phalloplasty (or metoidioplasty) with urethral lengthening, that’s done alongside a vaginectomy, at which point the whole atrophy problem ceases to be an issue.
Also thank you!! I have an abiding affection for those little stories and it’s always so pleasing to hear that someone enjoyed them. :D
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clementine-kesh · 9 months
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Still Emh x Tom anon. Name's Levi btw, I'll just say that from now on so it's easier. So. About the "good little mouse" line. I haven't watched Dragon's Teeth yet but Kate Mulgrew hot so ofc I looked into it and first off, unfortunately, I had to learn it's actually "good rat", not "good little mouse" which is a bit less sexual but still nice. Then I tried finding the scene on YouTube (or technically NewPipe) but couldn't so I went to that gdrive and just skipped ahead until I found it and ummmmm 😳 Like I said the fact it's not "good little mouse" is slightly disappointing but her tone! Oh my god her tone... if she were my boss and said stuff like that to me in that tone, I'd never get anything done and might in fact combust on the spot holy shit
[Following bit can be skipped, cancels out anyway, I did research while composing the ask]
(also I just googled and like. Kate Mulgrew is allegedly single rn and I mean not like I have a realistic chance but. wait nvmd I just read on wikipedia she's pro-life and supports ffl and I found out they even gave her a prize back in 2000, F in the chat 😔 WAIT hold the presses I did some more googling & found a tweet from just last year where it turns out she actually does support abortion but also wider access to contraception esp for racial and class minorities (I can send the link if you like) and she even acknowledges that some non-women can get pregnant and basically yea I'm back to being in love with her)
Sorry for that tangent lol anyway I'll be Kathy's good rat anyday. Who said that
-Levi
i appreciate you sharing the journey this took you on also literally so real kate mulgrew’s acting just makes her seem like she’s flirting with everyone all the time. people will post pictures of her with whoever they ship her like “look how she’s looking at them 😭❤️” and like i think that might just be her face
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katsudondom · 8 months
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I need to vent, sorry
long post incoming :)
Yeah, I feel that I was born in the wrong generation
And no, I don't think I'm special or anything for saying that.
Like, do people think I want to feel like an outcast whenever I'm around a group of people that are the same age as me? Because I'd trade my interests and niches any day if it meant I could finally feel what it's like to have a group of friends by my side, or a partner holding my hand.
And yes, I do have many criticisms about certain aspects of modern technology and social media, but I don't downright hate it or dismiss the good that came from modern technology/the Internet entirely. If anything, I'd love to be born when the Internet was just starting to walk, when it wasn't as popular yet and when you were considered a nerd for even owning a computer. That'd be an amazing time to be alive, until "normies" (cant find a better word sorry I know it's cringe) started making the Internet more mainstream and later on it being the #1 reason why Americans are more stupid and self-centered then ever (in my personal opinion).
I'm more so disconnected with my generation because of the culture, not modern technology.. A generation where we believe in anything without doing any research or seeing different perspectives first, a generation that's easily brainwashed into believing anything, a generation that's so sure that their opinion is right that they'll even ruin someone else's life or ridicule them into oblivion just because the other person thinks differently. That's the reason why I feel like I don't belong with my generation, not because "ew social media".
Actually, that's not the whole reason why-
I also really just love the grunge/rock culture of the 90's, and the scene/emo culture of the early 2000's. It all felt like a community back then, like wherever you were at there'd be people accepting you with open arms, no matter who you were or what you looked like, ready to have you join their clique people that just liked the same shit as you do.
Nowadays, there doesn't even feel like a community anymore, even within your own culture. Everyone's divided, everyone's prejudice, and everyone can't put their differences aside and at least co-exist with each other. This "you're with me or against me" mentality is getting old real fast. Instead, let's have thoughtful and provoking conversations with each other, instead of being quick to go on social media and wishing ill to the white kid in your History class just because he wore a red hat that you happened to disagree with.
Idk, it's all just really silly.
I was just scrolling down watching YouTube when I saw a video calling people like me who think they're in the wrong generation "annoying" and I had to vent since it actually triggered me a bit, ngl, because just by looking at the thumbnail where they put a bunch of modern technologies and had "modern" in bold letters with the word being crossed out, I knew what points they were going to make, and I just needed to vent about how not everyone who feels like an outcast is trying so hard to be different.... It's 99% the complete opposite and I just always hated that stereotype from people who obviously have it way better in life, from people who clearly don't understand what it's like to be almost invisible even when you try so hard to be liked/seen to the point where you fantasize about a time you weren't even born in because "what if?".
Shit, I'm done, needed to get that off my chest and the only way I'd feel good about it is by posting it online. Scared to put tags on this because half of the criticisms about Gen Z that I wrote about relate to about 99% of Tumblr users, so I might piss someone off but fuck it, I want my voice to be heard and no one will probably care to read this anyway.
And yes, I know there's other teens/young adults out there like me, who has the same mindset as I do. I don't think that I'm the only special snowflake that feels this way, but it's so fucking hard finding someone who sees the world the same way as I do, that it does make me feel a bit like I am the only one.
Anyway,
Goodnight 🖤
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incarnateirony · 1 year
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You know I'm looking back at the troll in my inbox that caused the post that is pinned on my blog and realizing you guys really just genuinely do not understand me or my motivations. I didn't even notice it at the time because my mind wasn't there, but when it flipped from accusations of faking the shooting to pretending to being about research, they tried to say oh I would love the story from a true fandom hero as if to appeal to some sort of pride or ego any of this was done for
I've never considered myself that. I don't even like this fandom. I don't even like most of the people here. I am a Media blog that happened to want to support a queer battle within supernatural that people screamed and denied was happening until they were slapped in the face with it repeatedly. I'm not even a friend of supernatural. I'm a friend to Media representation.
Like Jesus Christ I am literally talking to friends about going to a convention with zero interest of actually speaking with any of the guys directly and literally just going to troll all of you. We do not have the same interest and you need to stop projecting your interests or motivations on everybody else. Just because you want to be some hero to a fandom does not mean everyone does. I hate this damn place. I want you all to go away and leave me alone. I don't want the attention. I have literally intentionally coded my blog for upwards of a year so only truly interested people would get the information needed without me having to deal with you hostile, combative, ignorant bastards.
Is that what this is? Is it that in your head, if I've been telling the truth the whole time which I have, you see me as a hero but you're angry it wasn't you? Like what's going on in your heads that when your first accusatory angle failed and that was your second line of thought.
None of you are special. Nobody has to prove themselves to you. And I'm sorry, very few people if anyone actually wants to be your hero. I did what I did because it was what I personally wanted and because it was what was right. The latter seems a very foreign idea to most of you if it doesn't get you glory.
If I did this to be a hero to anyone, it was a 10 and 20 year past due revenge cycle to help leverage my friends back into the glory they had before there was ever a show called Supernatural or a network called CW or a president named Pedowitz. Conveniently, they're all gone, and now peachtree is everybody's landlord, but you guys aren't ready to discuss reality, and jobs, and real people. You just want your digital attention and to look important, and get real mad if anyone does things of real impact that don't involve paying for an experience.
To you people, Jensen, Jared-- Dennis Miller, or Schwartz--Ted Turner. Tyler Perry. Bruce. Myself. We're all just digital fictional characters in your head you can argue and opinion about the lives and motivations of. TV syndicates and studios and their motions can't affect you in your hallucinated fandom bubble divorced from reality, and nobody is allowed to make changes or motions on that level because you deny they exist, and get mad when shit rolls downhill on you anyway.
Here we are. Don't turn away now.
youtube
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ghost-town-story · 7 months
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Hello and welcome to the thing I've been excited to do since July, aka holy fuck CoFaS is 10 years old now
So a few years ago, I went and reread the very first story I ever wrote and it was....... a fuckin time. So when I realized CoFaS was turning a decade this year, I thought it would be fun to do the same thing (reread and comment in a tumblr post as I go), but taking one piece of advice from the last time I did this.
Aka this is gonna be a drinking game lol
The rules are simple: 1. Drink whenever I cringe 2. Drink whenever the nickname "kitten" is used to blatantly pad the word count (because I do remember that is exactly the way I got to 50,006 words that year lol)
So, I've got my emotional support bottle of wine, some snacks, a sleepy kitty, and the old doc pulled up. Les go.
A quick aside, this is the reason why it's an emotional support bottle of wine:
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A gift from a while ago from somebody who knows I go by Starlight online :D
Alright, les go
And immediately gonna pour one out for the awful age gap we have here. Blah blah blah, not all age gaps are bad, but considering Aiden starts out 11 and James is 19........ *takes a big fuckin drink*
At least the wine is good lol
Ah yes, establishing from the very first line that CoFaS is peak "Aiden gets hurt/traumatized and I'm having fun doing it"
I'm also counting moments where I just pause and start laughing bc oh god what is this description as cringing lol but yeah Aiden and Sirius had the most awkward relationship to write for the longest time and it really wasn't until pretty recently that I actually started to nail it down and it stopped being so gotdamn awkward
Also right now there's literally no plot. Ok to be fair there's no overarching plot of CoFaS other than "snippets of Aiden's life" but there are arcs usually but. We're three chapter/scenes in and there's not even an arc going right now. It's just. setting up characterization I guess?
Also lmao at my worldbuilding. In my defense I was what, 15 and in the middle of high school shit? learning how to write on the fly? not gonna hold it against tiny me but I'm still gonna smh
Yeah this age gap is not sitting well with me anymore. Not at fuckin all Do I want James and Aiden to be cute together? hell yeah would I rather James be like..... 14 in this scene rather than 20? hell yeah
Look I understand I wanted to show the traumatic event *sparkle sparkle* but I just. That's not how flashback dreams work at all *source: mild amounts of research I've done since then. Also the fact that I doubt he would remember shit with so much clarity from when he was two and passed out for part of it
One credit I will give to past me here though, I still don't know if that's actually how two-year-olds act lmao
Okay so at least part of this is gonna be me reading shit and going "lmao that's not how it works anymore!" scene: Aiden wakes up from a nightmare, wants his dad to comfort him how it would go now: wakes up from nightmare, will absolutely refuse to tell anybody about it except maybe James or Lexi. And only if they heard him wake up Sorry Aid, you have daddy issues now lol (and mommy issues. More of those tbh)
Okay I'm so fucking glad I scrapped that bit of worldbuilding bc why??? would only 1 of the 4 nations have a special name????? that allows others to control them????????
James you are 20 and he's 12 do not darling him
Also lmao at the number of times I describe somebody by their age rather than ya know. their fuckin name
Also we still have not had any arc that lasts more than 2 scenes and we're on page 4. On one hand: yeah fair writing fun offhand scenes is still a thing I do. On the other: I posted this to Figment oh my god. Anybody expecting a coherent story just gets this fuckin. mess What the fuck did I even put for the summary on Figment? I hope it was something that explained "hey this is a gotdamned mess with no overarching plot other than Aiden's life" lol
RIP Figment. You were the real one and I simultaneously mourn your loss and am glad you don't exist anymore cause I don't want people reading my old stuff but I wouldn't have the heart to delete it myself
Anyways I literally just said that and we reached an arc that has at least 3 scenes!
Oh no I spooped my cat cause of my laughing this one caused by the fact that I never fuckin specify how healing works at all. Just that it works enough to cause the maximum amount of whump I guess. That may not be the right word but bruh I am nearly through a glass of wine by now lol
babby Aiden is babby. and mildly a mood lmao
James, you need to stop fuckin flirting with a 12 year old one day I'll stop yelling about this. that'll be when Aiden is actually old/mature enough to be flirted with
“Dad’s not really the comforting type.” THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK FOR HIM 3-4 CHAPTERS AGO????
this age gap shenanigans is gonna give me an aneurysm i swear and i don't know if it's better or worse that Sirius is endorsing these shenanigans
Alright kitty has woken up and says it's break time so i'm making this a mandatory "go bury your face in nearby fluff and regain sanity from this nonsense" moment
Alright, had my break for snaccs and arguing about whether or not I'll be sober in 36-48 hours (long story), time to get back into the shenanigans also we're on page 5/77 and i'm about 1/3 through the wine. hence why the questions of sobriety in time for dnd sunday. anyhoot
AND IMMEDIATELY INTO THE WARRIOR CATS SCENE
okay so like. ya i was a warrior cats kid sue me lmao. so this next fucking scene (or maybe the next next there might be a leadup scene) is basically me going "i want the clan leaders meeting!" and having absolutely 0 justification otherwise. so ya. it is entirely for drama and to introduce "hey lookie all these other elementals none of whom we care about except for kinda Flame!" (and now I care a lot about Water too. Rip fuckin Earth lmao)
and another drink for fuckin what the fuck descriptions
yeah okay this bit of dialogue basically hits the nail of why i fucking hate the fuckin special name for Flame thingy. just a la "don't use that name." "it's your middle name deal with it" and like, Sirius is not meant to be seen as an abusive father! neglectful, kinda yeah. absolutely Does Not know how to talk/relate to his kid? abso-fuckin-lutely. full on abusive? no. but that bit of dialogue veers into sketchy/abuse territory and i don't like it
thank you to Lexi for interrupting this round of "James stop fucking flirting with a young teenager when you're 21"
I seriously don't think I actually named Sirius until this point, 7 whole pages in some mild clarification, I write in wall of text style. this current scene is 2 pages long with no proper paragraph breaks so. yeah
Ah yes. another thing that's different now, Fintan's entire characterization lol
you know, I'm just staring at this scene like "this would be a great set up for some plot" but at the same time I know that this is it. It's this fight and then these wolves are never showing up again. guess they got beat up in one fight! cool beans!
Kiddo you're way too alert for somebody who's hovering on the edge of consciousness lmao
For once we have some James characterization that I still like! aka he's a dumbass more concerned with other people's (in this case Will's) health than his own!
Oh god I posted this scene on the NaNo website as a snippet from the story. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that this fuckin scene was inspired by the Kingdom Keepers series (that I haven't read any of since like, 2013 probably lmao)
Oh yeah! this was when Will had selective mutism! but also. Aiden, James is periodically flirting with you and hanging out with you a ton. How do you not know this world's equivalent of sign language by now lol
Look, I still absolutely fuckin love dragons, but I just.... why here?? especially since I'm 90% sure they're never mentioned again??????
Okay, so I may have fallen asleep after only 10 pages, but in my defense I was tired from work/shit sleep schedule, and half a bottle of wine Did Not help lol. Anyways, onto day 2 and the rest of this scene (and arc if I remember correctly)
Lexi is a menace and a treasure and I gotdamned love her lol. I'm making it official she's the saving grace of 2013 CoFaS and we're not gonna talk about what happens to her yet
Oh Will you sweet awkward not-yet-a-sassy-sarcastic-bitch of a child <3
And again. Would much rather James be like, 15/16 in this scene than fuckin 21
I lied. There's one more scene to finish out this arc whoops lol
Again with the fuckin out-of-body experiences to show important plot points. like bitch just change perspectives you're gonna do it later anyways!
Two things I love *sarcasm* about this 1. I did no editing even when posting this to Figment. I coulda gone back and just made this random nameless healer Seren, but nooooooo Did Not think about that until now probably 2. Logically, why the fuck is James in this scene? Boi is getting invited to shenanigans he should not realistically be invited to lol
I like how I can recognize which arc this is from Sirius's first line bad news: I dislike this arc for many reasons now. tldr don't like it cause of compulsory/systematic heteronormativity, forced/arranged marriage of a goddamn 14 year old, more sketch age gaps (tho 5 years is better than the James/Aiden gap of 8), and the fact that I 100% fridged Lexi cause said systematic heteronormativity made her get in the way of my ship.
Anyways Sirius and Aiden interactions are still so awkward and ngl, I'm looking forward to [redacted unless you know of the CoFaS rewrite] bc it'll mean the end of the awkwardness
And James is immediately jealous. It would be kinda cute in an angsty way if he wasn't 22 (to clarify, jealous but trying to hide it cause he ain't gonna fuck up his sister's and best friend's "happiness")
Protective older brother speech? yeah okay questioning Aiden about if he actually loves Lexi? okay back off ma dude (also fun aside: my oldest brother "threatened" both of my exes while I was dating them. Cyrus was terrified of him for basically the rest of the time I knew him. Screw went "lol bet". So while these incidents were still a few years off for 2013 me, yeah I can see what inspired James's speech here lol)
OH MY GOD JAMES THAT'S HOW YOU GET EXECUTED FOR REGICIDE FUCKIN HELL
also lmao at the tiny-me not swearing bits
oh look, a perspective shift! wonder why I didn't use that earlier *deadpan stare*
Okay James is being a solid angsty drama queen this entire scene, which fair angst whatever but I gotta object to one thing and that is I don't really think losing your wings and watching someone you love marry your sister are really comparable here dude
also bud have you even asked Lexi if she loves Aiden or are you just assuming this is a marriage of convenience from all sides? (I sincerely don't know the answer for 2013 CoFaS. The answer for rewrite is yes love all around baybe)
heh, telepathy is just ported over from the OG universe just cuz
This also might've been the origin for Will calling her Lex and James calling her Lexi. Maybe. It's quite possible.
Oh James. You're such an overdramatic pining asshole lol
And that wedding scene is making me honestly contemplate finishing my glass of wine except it's a bit too full but several drinks are in order cause 1. No idea (then and now tbh) how "typical" weddings work 2. more broody jealous James 3. the knowledge of the gotdamn fridging to come 4. oh yeah the middle name shenanigans as well
oh and we immediately skip straight to the fridging! okay! goddamn! no goddamn martial bliss scenes for these two! nope just immediate "yeah Lexi's dying now" god I feel so bad for Lexi in this
Yeah okay maybe it's the fact that I'm a slut for angst but this scene was.... pretty good? like
Aiden let out a sound that was almost a hiccup, and he bit his lower lip hard to prevent any more sound from escaping.
goddamn that's a line I'd still use now tbh is the scene perfect? no Is it the best thing I've read so far of CoFaS? probably
also fun fact this is Alec's first appearance as a character. And it's the reason why in Band AU/basically anywhere else he appears he dyes his hair burgundy, cause that's his hair color in CoFaS. Callbacks yo
James. James now is not the fucking time. have some gotdamn respect for Lexi and stahp
I think this scene is gonna finish off my emotional support wine. We've got James flirting at inappropriate times! We've got awkward af Sirius trying to be a good dad! We've got more James flirting! and being mildly manipulative! fuckin hell!
Ya okay I know I like drama but this shit is hella toxic
Look I have no idea how old Aiden is right now but I'm gonna solidly say he's still too young for you to darling him James especially right after that emotional rollercoaster you put him through
"'If you're jealous,' [James said]" I'm sorry sir who's the jealous one in this relationship cause I'm pretty damn sure it ain't Aiden
Oh my god Aiden is 16. For fuck's sake man
"As James approached his room, which he rarely used now, and Aiden’s, which he was in far too often to be proper," I'm not giving y'all the end of this line but I like it lol
Yeah this is. definitely a sign of how I've changed over the years past-me: doesn't like unhappy endings at all, therefore *magically* gives Aiden his wings back bc it'd be too sad if he didn't have them now-me: BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY BAYBE (aka he has stumps of wings and they never grow back. just enough for tattered feathers and bitter reminders)
and Awkward Sirius makes an immediate reappearance! and like, cool, you're cool with your son being gay, but maybe you should be having an issue with the fact that he's 16 and James is 24 ffs
“[Dumb] names have power.” “I know. You tend to use mine a lot when I’m being unruly.” I! Hate! This! Worldbuilding! Thank Fuck It's Scrapped!!
Wait. Wait wait wait. so whoever gives them the dumb name-- actually fuckit i'm too tipsy again to explain this I'll just quote the snippet
It’s not just the name itself that has power, but who gives it to him. For example, if your mother had been the one to give you your [dumb] name, then you would have been loyal to her, even at the cost of your wings.
THEN WHO DID ACTUALLY GIVE AIDEN HIS NAME???? I'd assume it'd have to be a Person of Flame due to ya know. It being a Flame thing but like. Then who??? Fintan????? some rando????? not Ashton cause he wasn't born yet (at least in redone canon but still they're close enough in age that he would have been unborn or babby af) but. who the fuck gave Aiden his name then?????????????? We don't get a fuckin answer and I'm not sure I ever had one!!!!
so sometimes I have to laugh cause otherwise i'd have to scream "what the fuck" at this and i have neighbors and it's currently 10 pm and I like to have the moral high ground thank you very much (over their dumbass yappy dog who barks at 1 am sometimes) but anyhoot I start laughing and woke up my kitty so while she bullies me I'm implementing another "bury face in the fluff and maybe get a snacc" break
Alright have gotten some snaccs again, bullied nats for a bit (<3), discovered that bubbly pink moscato is sadly Not It and broke out the second, non-emotional-support bottle of rosé. Time to continue Also we're now 22 pages in. we're doin great lol
they're married now and i'm still smh at how fuckin young Aiden is for this relationship. goddamn I like how I aged Aiden up for all of the main tragedies but I made them hit way fuckin harder in the rewrite. (he's 16/17 in original, ~20 if i remember correctly in rewrite) (also 2 vs 8/10? for wings)
Ah yes, an actually reoccurring antagonist: humanity :P
also yeah baby me did not like the thought of her uwu-baby characters actually killing people. p sure I made the faceless waves of enemies in the OG story robots for that purpose, and now James is just knocking people out cause he don't wanna kill how the fuck did he get promoted to head guard at this rate Sirius what the fuck is the state of your guards Do I think irl murder is bad? yes! do I think that characters and stories are a different matter and there's a lotta nuance! also yes! is this shit that may get me "cancelled"? probably!! but fuckin hell rené's arc in the superhero wip is gonna cause that anyways!
meanwhile I'm pretty sure Will just electrocuted like at least a dozen people and I'm fine with that XD "unconscious from electrocution" now I'm not doctor and I don't want to concern my dad by texting him "hey if you get electrocuted is it 100% chance of death or like 50/50 between death and unconsciousness?" and my selo (med student) is probably asleep by now, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if they're unconscious, they're probably pretty dang close to death *take everything said just above with a grain of salt. again, i'm not a doctor, i'm tipsy, and i don't feel like googling this shit lol
Okay I distinctly remember this bit was inspired by this series I read called Eon/Eona? specifically the part where the emperor had the necklace of his position sewn to his throat. pretty fuckin metal for it to stick with me better than the title of the books lmao. But yeah. That's where the initial idea of the leaders' "necklaces" came from
James is once again a dumbass about his own health in favor of worrying about others! (this time Aiden)
90% sure this isn't how the medical side of this works
seriously why can't the kid have a sedative or three lol
and some potential gross medical negligence here but hey, who's counting! what doctors are gonna read this shit! (maybe selo, if she read the original while it was up on Figment lol but that was well before she was a med student)
absolutely not the point but something got corrupted somewhere in the what, 4 computer swaps since this was written? and now there's just a random "emoji error" box at the end of this paragraph and I don't know why lol cause I swear I never put emojis of any sort in my official writing (except for stuff that was explicitly characters texting) and definitely not at the end of the paragraph where Aiden's about to go to his father's funeral
ok it wasn't technically medical negligence cause James basically discharged himself against medical advice/medical attempts to keep him in bed lol
I am fairly certain that unless Alec is on a chair right now, that action should be impossible without Aiden leaning/crouching down, except I just say "reach". ffs and Aiden's definitely standing so i really dunno lol
Yeah I just couldn't write formal ceremony stuff for shit lol
There's so much going on that I'm just like. man. what the fuck. so much drama. so much sketchy stuff happening in the name of "i love you"
oh it's mild flashback time to a different POV okay lol
okay so. James. how do you not know about Aiden's fire powers? bc again. known each other for basically Aiden's whole life and also. pretty sure Aiden saved James's life earlier with them (but i don't remember cause i was tipsy when I read that last night and I don't wanna backtrack lol)
okay again. I have no idea how two-year-olds work. but i get the feeling this is...... not quite right?
Whump time!!
ah yes, overprotective James
yeah for the most part that wasn't bad until the last fuckin bit. You know, Sirius may be dead now but I think Fintan decided he was immediately going to step into the role of "awkward father figure" for Aiden smh
whump whump!!
ah yes, the ol' "christianity apparently exists in this universe cause i'm very raised catholic!"
babby Alec!!!! again not sure if I'm writing him right for a two year old but I don't care right now it's babby Alec and Ryder! (oh yeah Ryder is also originally from CoFaS lol)
"I'm Sky. Look I'll show you my dad is Sky." Alec honey you have wings that's proof enough that you're at least part Sky oh now you mention the wings! smh child
okay it's official Alec and Ryder are carrying the story with their cuteness cause I don't have to facepalm every time they flirt (when they're older) cause they're actually close to the same age! no sketch ass age gaps here!!
lmao Ashton's first bit of actual characterization. He's not bad as a character, just... underutilized probably
Alanna-now-Laguna! now the babbiest of babbies now that Alec's eight
but good news I think we're at the age where I can reluctantly be okay with the Aiden/James relationship.
oh yeah! I didn't exactly forget but I definitely got surprised by the revelation that Aiden's mother and the guy who helped cut off his wings were actually married
Okay actually I wanna outline what the fuck is happening a la Ashley (Aiden's mother, gonna be renamed like Ashton), Sirius, nameless guy, and Ashton (at least in the rewrite version, though 2013 was mostly similar) so. Ashley and nameless guy are married for love. partners in crime and all that jazz Sirius has a mild crush on Ashley since basically he's a teenager, but due to unspecified war between the Sky and Flame, obviously does not act on that until his father dies and Sirius goes "hey Fintan. Wanna end this war and do political marriage stuff wink wink" So, (this is specifically rewrite lore), they get married, with the stipulation that their first child will be the heir to the Sky, and their second will be heir to Flame, as at the time Ashley was Fintan's only child and therefore the heir to Flame. Ashley is Not Happy, but since marriage to nameless guy was basically secret shotgun wedding, Fintan doesn't know and she doesn't want to tell him about it. Plus, she's like "nah let's keep going with this war stuff I kinda hate Sky." well due to political shenanigans she gets strongarmed into the political marriage, but she and nameless dude conspire that okay, if she has to do this, then she's gonna take down the Sky Kingdom from the inside, using her child the heir of the Sky (Aiden) She refuses to have a second child, which Fintan catches onto after a while, and either planned or a happy accident, Ashton is born and declared the heir of Flame Ashley then kidnaps Aiden once his wings grow and cuts them off so he'll look a better Flame puppet, things backfire and she gets caught and imprisoned for that, with nameless guy slipping free of justice
and apparently in the 2013 version Ashley and nameless guy planned to kill off Sirius if Aiden was born Flame, and when he was born Sky they cut off his wings basically out of spite so there's that, and also planned to throw Ashley under the bus for cutting off Aiden's wings so nameless guy could keep their evil plans going.
also apparently I used to not be consistent whether I used Sky or Air. Cause Aiden's referred to as a Child of Air here, but in the title it's very specifically Child of Flame and Sky, and I've definitely standardized it to be the Sky by now
Aiden honey it's the simplest fucking code and Fintan practically gave it to you I'm begging you to be smart honey no Fintan has to be explicit before Aiden gets it okay *disappointed sigh in my blorbo*
and again with the knocking people out, not killing them shenanigans lol
whump and trauma time!!
damn that's gotta be not hygienic, an operating table stained with blood that's about 2 decades old
that's called a concussion my dear Aiden <3
yeah okay that's some fuckin racism right there (to be fair, framed as a bad thing, but still. sheesh)
another cat break. she's very pretty and purrsuasive what can i say?
James, honey, I understand what you're going for, but this is a shit way to comfort your very traumatized husband right now
okay and immediate 180 into cute teenage Alec and Ryder shenanigans, okay lol
Alec you wannabe-suave motherfucker lol
Ryder: blushes red Me: but his blood is blue!! And if it's later in this version that I mention James blushing blue or something like that I'm gonna take a drink for this mistake. I know I def fixed that by like, the rewrite lol
Ah yes, Alec is taking after his uncle :P aka please honey, I know you're being romantic, but get a fucking yes outta him first before you start kissing him also I'm 90% sure I've swapped their personalities now lol like CoFaS Alec: wannabe-suave and flirty CoFaS Ryder: awkward, unsure of how to react Band AU Alec: unsure of how to react when cute boy flirts with him Band AU Ryder: friendly and outgoing and willing to flirt with cute boys
Okay he did get a yes this time so baby steps in the right direction!
goddamn nerds lol
Okay this is both a. the origins of the kitten nickname for Aiden and b. the origins of the fox association i sometimes have for Alec
"The cat didn't answer, being a cat" I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
do do do do do WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? Alec: the fox says fuck off (I have that as a reoccurring joke between Alex and Jason. Cause Jason's a fox shapeshifter in OG/ASTHC canon and they are my 2013-2015 meme children)
Yeah I definitely swapped who's the more uuuuuh... dom is the best word I can think of in this relationship
lmao somehow despite knowing Alec since they were both ~2 Ryder somehow doesn't know that's a nickname
Also, Alec having premonitions of the future is what inspired Lexi in the rewrite to have them as well. Alec inherits a decent amount from his mother: her premonitions, her purple-tipped wings, I can't think of more rn lol
Okay I do like describing Alec as ashen because. He looks more Flame than Sky lol
Aiden no stop that that's shitty parenting!
and Alec has a very valid reaction to Aiden and then Ryder continually using his dumb name! good for you Alec! "I would have never told you if I knew you would abuse it like this!" Ah. see this? this hurts in an "Alec honey you're so fucking right" way
Ryder that's real fuckin shit of you to be like "ok come here I'll comfort you" only to immediately turn around and try and control your boyfriend again. I know you have orders from his dad, but that's still really fuckin shit of you dude luckily Alec has the proper response of slapping Ryder and calling him out on his bullshit
i like how outta all the characters, Ryder is the one who has no restrictions on killing people. At the beginning of this arc he was introduced as training with James to be part of the royal guard, and now like 3/4 scenes later he's just straight up killed at least 2 people on screen. goddamn ma boi
“Knife training 101,” he said, almost irritated. “Stab them, don’t get stabbed yourself, try to aim for the head or heart. Understand?” fuckin lmao
welcome to the trauma boat Alec! your dad will help you get acquainted. probably
hello deus-ex-machina my old friend, you've probably appeared before but this is the most blatant to me
You know, the thought just occurred to me: Sirius with Aiden: kingly duties come before parental duties Aiden: yeah that sounds about right Aiden with Alec: Parental duties come before kingly duties Alec: you have king stuff to do and that obviously takes precedence over me
That line is a goddamn quote and I don't remember from what book potentially a Shadowhunters book??? update I looked it up and the answer is yes and of course it's a malec quote lol i'm still fucking soft for malec despite not having read any shadowhunters books since high school let me live (fun aside: i got selo to read those books and she came to tennis practice and yelled across the court "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL THE INCEST" and i just died laughing and told her to wait for whatever the book was (CoG, if I remember correctly is when the incest is revealed to not be incest. not that I cared that was/is my least favorite ship) ANYHOOT)
yeah okay that whole bit is making me laugh harder than it should. curse you wine lol
anyways this was 100% the origin of Willow and Wisp before I coopted them for Nova!
oh my fucking god so the chapter that was origins of Aiden = cat and Alec = fox apparently was added later, potentially near the end of that NaNo. You know how I know that? cause I remember having to edit this scene for continuity and it's still awkward as hell!
poor babby Alec. he's doin his best and also nobody has told him "hey your boyfriend's alive" yet
god Rowan is just. a fuckin cardboard cutout of a character. he has no personality beyond what's necessary in the moment
Aiden this is not the way to deal with your son grieving his boyfriend just fuckin tell him ffs
I do appreciate Aiden just full naming Alec and not dumb naming him when he's like "Alec stop doing the dumb thing you're doing"
more Aiden whump! and cute Alec and Ryder reunion dawww
"Aiden was struggling for something to distract him from the pain, to distract his mind from the fact that his entire forearm was cut open and the skin peeled away for wires." goddamn my dude. you're really having a rough time aren't you lol
Oh my god I just shifted POV in the middle of a scene goddamnit
sir i really doubt you could avoid a gunshot at basically point blank range lol
And at this point, I fucked up bc Alec escaped in the last scene, and then I had him fighting alongside Ryder in this scene until I remembered continuity is a thing and went back to fix it lol
James sir water is not a softer landing than sand, especially from high up lol
oh my god i remember that i was gonna make that a thing throughout all my universes, and then i never did except for maybe the original OG James and Aiden story that got scrapped XD
and another pov shift in the middle of a scene smh
they are both such stubborn bastards omg
yeah of course they've been happy too long we've gotta add the misunderstandings plot in :P
Ah yes some good ol' fashioned sexism :P
yaas bois communicate like the fuckin adults you are
oh those nerds
so we're winding up the "story" which means major time skips now!
oh this is..... not the best way to kill off a character, but hey, i guess i wanted to get one last stab in at Aiden huh?
good lord that was...... something. later chapters were better than earlier ones, though that may have been because the level of tipsiness was higher lmao. but also I just like drama more and the early chapters were a lot more awkward setting up shit while later ones were "hey have actual situations with consequences!" if that makes any sense. If not, that's cool, i'm hella tipsy anyways
anyhoot, kudos to past me for doing that while being in high school + doing theater (pretty sure we were close to if not putting on a show during november) + finding time to binge watch Sword Art Online + all the shenanigans required of being a functional member of the family. I have no idea what I was on during high school but gotdamn would I like a hit or three now lol
So, two nights and 1.5 bottles of wine later, I bid you adieu. have fun, don't die, don't get kidnapped, I'll see y'all with my last couple spotify wrapped prompts soonish and then in February ✌️
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sea-dukes-assistant · 2 years
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Since seeing your recent posts today about all this blatant lying about sea duke crap it reminded me that when I was reading a book last night which I believe was “The Royal Marriages” by lady Colin Campbell. (after some research I’ve done some people deem the author as reliable, some say she’s unreliable idk!). Either way she digs into the first 15 years of the marriage and she says how they were blissful until in 1952 when Princess Elizabeth became Queen and it put a strain on their marriage and parenting life because of the long hours, work, stress, grief, and how everyone who was around them was literally pushing sea duke away and treating him badly and QEII couldn’t do much about it. Anyways the author basically alluded to the fact that from like 1952 to about the early/mid 60’s (even when Andrew and Edward were born) that there was absolutely *no* romance left in the marriage and that they were practically separated in every way except publicly but obviously couldn’t divorce. She also stated that although there was no solid concrete evidence for anything happening physically (Although there were always rumors even about certain kids being his) that at the very least sea duke was basically having flirtatious affairs to have control over one part of his life and to prove to himself that he still had his manhood and that the queen found out about all of it over time through the grape vine, confronted him, sea duke denied all claims, assures her that he’s been faithful to her etc etc. (because in all technicality he had been). My personal problem with all of this is I don’t believe for a second that from 1952 to 1959 (Andrews Conception) that they were never physically intimate or romantic. You just can’t make me believe that. There is videos from that time period of him and her both giving each other the most adoring look in public. Not to mention there is accounts from people who were around them in the 50’s and 60’s giving anecdotes about sweet stuff they said to each other, how they behaved with each other and all that. Do I believe they absolutely could have had a strained relationship for a while in the 50’s? Sure. Did they probably have some tense arguments like most relationships? Sure. Did they have ups and downs? Sure. However do I believe that for upwards of 15 years and even after that they just didn’t like each other or were never romantic? Absolutely not. Do I think sea duke is a certified slut by nature? Sure. Do I think he was an certified slut in practice and was stepping out on the queen? No! If anything I think he was just very flirtatious and got a rise out of having conversation with pretty girls, and very well was maybe was missing that for a period of time in his marriage. Sorry for the long ask but thoughts on this?
First, I'd like to say how refreshing it is to finally have a nuanced perspective; I'm tired of being the only one!
More than one book I've read about him does go into his Big Dick Energy (dubbed "phallic swagger)." Sir just...*gasp* likes women? Not in the sense of pursuing sexytimes, but yes, that's exactly it; he is a flirt and he genuinely enjoys the attention he gets from them (I do too, but mostly because I'm under 6' and not "hot" so this sort of attention is alien to me).
But yeah, I agree with you, abso-fucking-lutely. It would be more concerning if there wasn't stress in their relationship during the first years of her queening. That's a hell of an adjustment to make in such a short amount of time. She hadn't even hit 30, and Sir had just earned command of his own ship.
I mean fuck sake just read the excerpts of letter he's written that are available. My man has been through Some Shit and literally said that his wife has been the only "absolutely real" thing to happen to him. Like, all that instability he'd dealt with in his childhood and now he's finally got a home (literally and metaphorically) and a family of his own, and some people think he just gonna say "fuck that" just for some instant poon-tang with the first society girl/celebrity who says "hi" to him?
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I think it's shitty the rumors/badly written fanfic disguised as journalism had outlived them. A lot of this is due to the Baltimore Sun spreading that rumor of a "royal rift" during Sea Duke's 1956-57 solo tour (CDR Parker's literal fuck fuck games did not help), because "omg why is he away from her for so long" like this man had never been away from his wife while being officer as fuck in the Royal Navy. Why the fuck, after having stacked bodies in the war, and been stationed in other parts of the UK and world, is him being on "civilian deployment" suddenly the end of the marriage?
Me, an actual Sailor:
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In conclusion, Sea Duke has Big Dick Energy and him being, *snicker*, "a certified slut by nature" gives me life (and erections).
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tiffanylamps · 2 years
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Heya! Because i am awestruck by your outworldish writing so much, i really wanna know some secrets if you dont mind 👀
What inspires you to go and write out a fic? Like specifically, also these q's meant for jwds only. And how do you build the structure, think of the environment, and research?
Sorry if q's seem too vague
AHHHH! Hey!!
Thank you for your message- it's so nice to talk to you
Secrets, you say?? Hmm, I can share some secrets 👀
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What inspires you to go and write out a fic?
When a piece of media consumes me (in the way Beyond Evil has), my mind becomes inundated with possibilities. I'm naturally an overthinker in all areas of my life, and that extends to things I am passionate about. I feel this visceral need to explore the text provided, but also, the subtext. So, the media itself is a massive inspo. I am not the kind of person that can just write whenever I want. For me, writing is an arduous and tiring endeavour that takes me a long time to get through. I cannot write unless I have the bug for it- which makes finishing projects very... interesting. (I'm terrible at finishing books, I'm terrible at finishing fics... it's a problem) I do not tend to plan fics in advance. There are only 3 that I can say were minorly "planned" (Indoctrination, By Desire, and one that isn't written/published yet). But that's because they're all interconnected. Most of the time, the words just present themselves and I have to type them down otherwise I'll forget them forever.
I'll give an example of a few recent inspirations:
Blessed Hands was inspired by some real-life sad shit that I guess my mind needed to process
Your Love's Whore was written because a few weeks ago, there was a scorchingly hot day and I wanted to imagine what a jwds hot girl summer might look like
An unwritten fic I thought of last night was inspired by a scene from One Spring Night (I have an outline and gave it the creative title of "hallway". But I have no intention of actually writing it thus far)
Indoctrination was directly inspired by a cafedecanela post that I can't find nor have the time rn to find (but I will look later and link it)
Another huge inspiration/aid is music!!! I'm like everyone else and absolutely live for music. So, I use it to help direct what I want from a story (the emotions, atmosphere, the "vibe"). A few examples are:
Indoctrination was written whilst I listened to sappy, sad Korean rock on repeat for about 3 weeks straight
Your Love's Whore was heavily inspired by five songs in particular: . Posing in Bondage - Japanese Breakfast . Bedroom Hymns - Florence and the Machine . New Ways - Daughter . Your Clothes - Can't Swim . Your Love's Whore - Wolf Alice . and I listened to the album Brasilian Skies - Masayoshi Takanaka on repeat whilst actually writing as I struggled to write if I can hear English words, my brain gets distracted (I hope that makes sense)
I have a whole long-ass jwds playlist on Spotify (which I made as soon as I finished watching the show back in Feb). I love it so very much because there are some absolute bangers in there that are 100% jwds.
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And I'm going to keep adding to it until I grow tired.
And how do you build the structure, think of the environment, and research?
Ooookay, now I'm actually going to have to give this a think. The wonderful thing about fanfiction is that a lot of the worldbuilding and aesthetic has been done for you. (Thank you to the cast and crew of Beyond Evil). So, it's quite easy to impose your own impression onto a piece and explore what's already been established. For the fics I have released, I did do research in the sense that I didn't start my fics first. By that, I mean, when I finished watching BE for the first time, I started writing an essay (which required a lot of research, rewatching the show, dissecting scenes, researching film theory, using my useless art degree lol) exploring the show's queer coding. I wrote about 15K words (mostly were just ramblings) until I realised that I needed to explore these characters in a more artistic way. This really stems from the fact that I feel so connected to Joo Won; he and I share a few unhealthy coping mechanisms... (it's the yikes times). I've always liked Joo Won; I didn't have to adjust to him, I always saw his pov and understood where he was going from. I just felt like I got him (which doesn't mean to say, I didn't also openly laugh at him), so I think I wanted to write to work through some identity stuff I have going on. I've trying to learn Hangul in my spare time, I love Korean cuisines so I've been naturally researching that in my personal life, I also love me some snooping- so I use google maps a lot to just look at South Korea (and anywhere in the world really) and gain an impression of what different areas are like. I look up historical events, I research pop culture, etc... and I basically just try to dive in and ingest as much information as I can to make the characters and their world feel as real as possible. When it comes to writing Joo Won, I also use my own experiences (as an English person) to influence his use of language and mindset. When I first wrote Indoctrination, my partner read some of it and told me to change some of my language choices because I used English slang that isn't very universal. I listened to some of the suggestions but not all because Joo Won would totally call people a "pasty dipshit wanker"; or use words like "chuffed", "gutted", "plastered", "dodgy" (and so on) and use the c-word like it's going out of style (as does almost every English person his age).
In terms of structure, I don't write chronologically. I just write whatever comes to mind and then piece it together and edit like crazy. However, I DO LOVE MAKING NOTES AND WRITING OVERLY DETAILED OUTLINES. So... I guess it depends on the story. My three surprise/procrastination fics that I didn't plan at all (Drone Bomb Me, take my name, and your blessed hands) are some of my favourites. (I wrote DBM in a day- which I don't think I have ever done before lol) We can contrast that against a fic I can't even begin to write because the words refuse to come to me, is living as an 8,000+ word outline.
So..... There's not a lot of method to my madness, just spiteful determination.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
(oooooooohhh some cheeky screenshots... now we're getting personal)
Yeah... I'm not sure what else to say. It's all just luck and stress to be honest with you. I haven't written fanfiction in years(!!!). Previously, I was writing an original piece that is currently taking a nap.
I think I have mentioned this to you previously but I'm so very grateful for your kind support and words of encouragement. They mean so, so much to me. I am just a wee insecure baby that is the poster child of dyslexia. I know very little about the proper use (grammar, etc) of my mother tongue because of an unconventional schooling experience, soooo to have you say such lovely things about my work, is just *chef's kiss and tears* perfection. Thank you thank you thank you thank you I hope this answers your questions. I'm not sure I have haha!!
(also, please, get some sleep and make you're eating your favourite foods)
Bye for now!
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elytrafemme · 2 years
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okay because i'm not trying to diagnose you but, as someone with it, that post you made is literally the most bpd/bipolar thing you have ever said. like if i was a professional i would be like Um Here's This Bpd Test. another thing i wanna say is that imposter syndrome is a dick! and mental illness is often exaggerated in pop culture or you will subconsciously exaggerate to then deny your own symptoms. soooo don't fall into that trap if you ever start looking into it ^^ and while you can't get an official diagnosis until eighteen you're like pretty close to that age so unless you're like, strategically not looking into it (as in you cannot personally process the idea of it right now) i don't think there's harm in trying to research! this was unsolicited advice though so sorry about thattt i am just very into psychology stuff. -🍇
HI HI no worries about unsolicited advice seriously, i sometimes want to violence people who try to give me advice but generally speaking tumblr mutuals get a pass so long as it's not dumbass shit you know what i mean? so like anything u say is good lol i like getting psychoanalyses <3
yeah I brought it up to my therapist when i was 15 i think? or 16. about a year ago and i like just turned seventeen a month ago so u get it ages and all that. at the time i was told it didn't line up and i actually ended up insulting my therapist, mildly trashing my room, blocking a bunch of people on discord, and then yelling at my partner at the time and another close friend. the next session though i was fine and agreed that it probably didn't match; i was kind of just having Rage Central at the time where you could set me off for several hours straight if you, like, made one tiny comment about me. you get the vibes?
yeah imposter's syndrome is weird, i've done it a lot with systemhood which... they're definitely here lol! there are like... four different mental health conditions that i feel like explain the 90% of my behavior that isn't covered in anxiety & depression (+ psychosis i guess) but y'know. diagnoses hard!
i'll keep it in mind though! i mean i have kept it in mind LOL one person w BPD told me its unlikely i have it (which due to my age at the time of that was Extremely Fair Actually) but i think like 5 people with BPD have brought it up to me so i'll keep thinking about it.
srry if this is a lot of information you didnt want LOL its just interesting to me
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fbwzoo · 2 years
Text
Tonight's research hour results:
Can hermit crabs perceive sound?
Answer: shruuuuuug
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org members with an s/o that has a really hard time sleeping? how do they help 🥺
I scrolled all the way to the back of the ask box to try and get some older ones done - MY LOVE I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO WAIT SO LONG FOR THIS
Edit: excluding the babies because i already posted this when i realized i forgot about them lmao
-
Xemnas - Xemnas also has trouble sleeping so like, he gets it. Nothing really worked for him - not meditation, tea, reading before bed, counting sheep, exercise, nothing. But while doing research he came across something called Melatonin and HOO BOY even a small dose of that shit works for him, so he recommends that you give it a shot. Lo and behold, it works for you too, and it's the first restful sleep you've gotten in a long time.
Xigbar - THIS MAN IS READY TO WEAR YOU THE FUCK OUT WITH SEXY TIMES. You want to sleep? He will exhaust you until you can barely move and you can't help but let your eyes fall shut. "Xigbar this is nice but I need something more permanent that will help me sleep every night." He's willing to make the sacrifice of sex every night for you.
Xaldin - You want to sleep? He’ll make sure you get an uninterrupted rest even if he has to knock you out to do it. A good night’s sleep to Xaldin is a sleep where your brain and your body need to recharge, so he’ll drag you to the gym or on a long run with him until you’re too drained to do anything else but sleep.
Vexen - you admit that you have trouble sleeping? It's cool. Vexen already knew about it. He has a list of things for you to try; he was just waiting on you to bring it up. Relaxing and repetitive games, medicine if you need it, even a cuddle if you really can't sleep. He's full of ideas and ready to support you as you find what works for you.
Lexaeus - WILL CUDDLE YOU INTO SUBMISSION IF NEED BE. Seriously. Curling up all warm and protected next to this giant teddy bear is an awesome way to hit the snooze button on your brain and he's kind of enough not to move if you're still sleeping. Also willing to get you anything you need - some water, extra pillows, blankets, etc.
Zexion - have you heard of the magic of weighted blankets? No? Because Zexion has and he swears by them. Just plop the big blanket on you and sleep for years if need be. He's also very much willing to read to you until you fall asleep if you need.
Saix - Obviously, according to Saix, you need to lower your stress levels! Difficult to do when you guys have such an important job/mission, but he’ll do his best to take some of your work from you or order the other members to do your work for you. Find a way to work out some of your frustrations, whether its by going for a walk, working out, or talking them through with Saix.
Axel - kind of a heavy sleeper so it will take him a while to realize that you're actually having trouble sleeping. it isn't until he realizes how groggy and irritable you are the next day that he talks to you about it and does his best to get you to sleep. He'll be wrapping you up in blankets, getting you a glass of hot chocolate or warm milk - whatever it takes to make sure you get a good night sleep.
Demyx - can you imagine this man singing you to sleep? Because he will. Every damn night if he has to. Does he fall asleep before you? Wake him up!!! He wants you to wake him up so he knows that you're getting the rest you need to be your usual bright and shining self!!!
Luxord - he wants you to share in some of his own night time rituals to see if they work for you! A nice, hot cup of chamomile next to a warm fire after you've have a soothing bath. He'll set out your favorite pair of comfortable PJ's and even put on a movie or something if you think that will help you fall asleep. Anything to make sure you're getting the rest that you need.
Marluxia - Marluxia is all about those dang herbal remedies and sometimes they really do work! Teas made from herbs in his own garden, a nice, soothing back massage to get you all relaxed and sleepy. Even if he has to put on some spa music and leave you to rest by yourself, he’ll do whatever it takes.
Larxene - Larxene really doesn’t know what to do? It’s rare that she has trouble sleeping, so she isn’t quite sure what the protocol is for helping your significant other to snooze peacefully. But she’s always up to help! Any ideas you have, she’s willing to try along with you, and she’ll stay up all night with you if you can’t sleep.
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fandxmslxt69 · 2 years
Text
Similarities List PART 2
Again, after lots of research has been done, deep thought (it took like half an hour just for one list) and lots of reading, here's the second part to this.....
Small note: SO SORRY FOR NOT HAVING POSTED IN A WHILE :(
MINORS DNI BEYOND THIS POINT
DICK GRAYSON (DC), NEWT (TMR) AND MATT MURDOCK (MCU)
Tease them, they will collapse into such big bottoms
h a n d j o b s
One day they're forcing you on your knees and ordering you around the next day they're sobbing and begging you to touch them
PRAISE KINKS. SO MUCH. SO MUCH PRAISE KINKS
...choking kink im sorry but its true
So soft and sweet
The sex depends on the mood
If its set to cute and fluffy, they'll hold your hand and kiss your face and body as they slowly move in and out, cute soft talk along the way, praise and shit and they're the sweetest beans ever
-"Would you like me to continue my princess? Or is that enough? I'm here to do what you want, just say it"
"Use your words love" bc its their power move
Your pleasure >> theirs
It usually cute love making more than full out sex
BUT ON A ROUGH NIGHT
If the mood is set rough or angry oH BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A NIGHT 
Rough. Just rough.
Its no longer sweet and love making
-Full out pounding
Again. Handjobs. 
They will make you fulfill every one of THEIR pleasures before they move onto yours
There's the occasional bondage (who's tying up who? Well that's a good question)
 But its never too much
Oh the praise kinks drive them crazy
"Oh? You won't beg? A pity, and here I was ready to give you some fun"
Consent is everything to them
AFTERCAREEEEEEEEEE
They will cling onto you after sex
Cuddles >>>
Fall asleep almost right after
Soft morning love making is their favourite
They take you out for breakfast on the weekends
Fridays you go out for a fancy dinner
Sundays are lazy movie days
Bruce knows Dick is a soft angel but this is on another level
Villains. Dick is so protective. Like so much
Constantly calling you to make sure you're okay
"Call me as soon as you get home"
"If there's even ANYTHING suspicious you call me do you understand?"
"If there's any problems and you see Batman. Run the other way. I don't care what it is, I don't want you to get hurt"
If you do get taken-
No sleep
Always up planning
Alfred tried coaxing him to sleep but he wouldn't listen
"If I sleep I waste time, and I don't know if she HAS time"
He cries every five minutes
Damian joked around about the Joker having taken you
Dick literally went into a panic AND anxiety attack + a mental breakdown all in one
Damian got grounded
You getting captured by Wicked
Same effect
Crazy
Loses his mind
Constant breakdowns
Matt. Ohmygod the devil of Hell's Kitchen, losing the love of his life???
Prepare New York you've got a new villain on your hands
He'd lose his mind
Forget work he's 24/7 looking for you
No mercy on anyone, at all, will and has destroyed everything in his path to find you
Nearly broke up with you a bit after that, realizing how much danger he puts you in
Basically. If he loses you, he will have his villain arc and kill every single person on this planet until he finds you and you are safe and sound in his arms
They love buying you sweet little gifts
Getting suffocated by your thighs while you sit on their faces >>>>>
Such softies
Again super protective
Always taking care of you
SUCH SWEETBEANS
No toys. Unless you're okay with it but they prefer not to
Bottom behaviour on tired days
Again, can go from these hardcore tops, fucking you into oblivion to wanting you to fuck them into oblivion
I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH
PRAISE KINK
Vocal. 
They love hearing you make all the pretty little noises just for them
Its like heaven to their ears
But they're also very vocal
Cuddling while they work that usually ends in needy soft sex
~~~~~~~~ - Clem (and a bit of Atlas)
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It started with a whisper
I originally wrote ‘Like I did with you’ as a one-shot but people wanted a sequel. This turned out to be waaaaay longer than expected (4.7k word count). Inspired by Everybody Talks by Neon Trees. I hope you lot enjoy!
Ao3
(Also this is Mari’s new outfit, all credits go to the original artist)
————
Two teens stood upon the balcony of a large banquet hall, exposed to the midsummer night air. The sky was a lilac blanket that hung over the Parisian buildings, speckled with glowing stars. The moon, with it’s crescent smile, beamed down of the young couple.
Hey, baby, won't you look my way?
Marinette’s eyes were closed as she rested her head upon his shoulder, relaxing after the night’s rapid escalation. Tonight she had arrived at the ball with the intent to be there for her friends, but somehow she found herself within the arms of Gotham’s (and probably Paris’) Ice Prince. She had overheard his nickname from the Gotham students, one of which being Jon, who was in the middle of mocking the young Wayne. She had never considered that nickname as suitable; sure he was temperamental & had a tendency to snap, but icey to the core? No.
I can be your new addiction
Damian was calm. For the first time in his life he felt like he could take a breath. His exhale was carried off by a small gust of wind, the bush over hanging the stone railing rustled. With his inhale, the scent of Marinette’s perfume became present once more. Mixed with the crisp night’s air, her usual scent of pastries was mixed with what could only be described as ambrosia. His phone vibrated within his pocket, it was never on volume due to the potential risk it caused during his heroic activities.
“Shit.” Notifications covered his screen, multiple tweets, Instagrams and Tiktoks in which he had been tagged in. But the alert came from his family’s private messaging chat. The whole thread was a shit storm, Grayson and Todd’s messages were completely capitalised (he learnt years ago this meant ‘to yell’ in writing form) and both had multiple ‘keyboard spasms’. Drake, like the thorough detective he is, had combed through the images and videos, investigating their validity. His honorary sisters had replied with ‘awwwww’(s) and ‘Omg we MUST meet this girl! I need to know how she tamed the demon!’. He could practically hear Brown’s shrill voice from across the ocean.
Hey, baby, what you gotta say?
No reply from his father or Alfred. The two of them were the only semblance of ‘normal’ paternal figures he had within his life, after the sham of a relationship he had previously held with his grandfather. Their silence unnerved him.
Marinette had noticed his attention had shifted to his phone, her own mobile was buzzing away within her baby pink purse. Messages, notifications of account tagging and comments galore. A sigh left her lips when she saw her parents seemed to be none the wiser. Good, she didn’t need to deal with future adoration for ‘The boy who swept our daughter off of her feet’ (or something along those lines).
Her cheeks regained some of the warmth they held before as she thought of her parent’s reaction. Scrolling through her Twitter she saw her friends had posted multiple images of the night’s events, majority being her shared dance.
Chloé Bourgeois @TheBestBourgeois
what kind of Disney shit is this? (Insert video of two teens dancing around an mostly empty dance floor.)
Alix Kubdel @Sk8trGirl
Replying to @TheBestBourgeois
I KNOW RIGHT?! THEY WERE FUCKING FLOATING!!!
All you're giving me is fiction
She was thankful that they hadn’t tagged her but she hadn’t been spared by others in attendance. Her post thread had blown up, thousands had commented and even more had viewed the evidence. There was no way she would come out of this unscathed.
“Has anyone been on Twitter today?” The blonde of the family asked as she walked into the dining room. Her eyes focused on her scrolling screen, brows furrowed in confusion. “Actually has anyone seen what’s happening on any of our socials?”
It was early in the afternoon and the family had recently returned home after a straining stakeout. The Joker had broken out of Arkham and the Batfam had to deal with his minions. Dick’s arm was in a sling (sprained from a grapple gone wrong), Jason was icing his hand, Alfred was stitching Bruce’s chest wounds while Tim and the girls escaped without severe injuries. All were still recuperating and finally able to recharge.
Alfred always enforced a strict ‘no devices at the dinner table’ rule; no matter how urgent it was, it could wait until after sustenance was consumed. Tim strongly opposed this, but there was no arguing with Agent A. This all surmises that probably no one had seen the crap storm on social media.
I'm a sorry sucker and this happens all the time
Bruce sighed, bringing his free arm up to rub his eyes. Tilting his head back to look at Steph, “Who was it this time?” Barbara quickly took out her phone to see what Stephanie was talking about, all the while glancing accusingly at Dick and Jason. Both of whom held up their arms (or in Dick’s case arm), declaring their innocence.
“It wasn’t fucking me!”
“Jason! Language!” Dick shot a glare at Jason and was met with one in return. “It wasn’t me either.”
“Then who-“ Bruce started before being cut off by his most rambunctious daughter.
I found out that everybody talks
Stephanie with a squeal, exclaimed that it was Damian. Visions of what the Wayne brat could have done flashed through the heads of everyone in the room. He had been sent overseas before the quarantines and lockdowns hit. During Damian’s first month in France he had been forced into online schooling and then finally when he got to go to in-person classes he hated it. Described the class as a kindergarten with petty and vindictive toddlers.
Had he broken someone’s arm? Was that person of such importance that it had spread over multiple social media platforms? France’s government had announced on June 15th, that teens were now being inoculated so him having COVID-19 was doubtful. Had he insulted the wrong person? Had he taken over the government? He certainly had the potential.
Everybody talks, everybody talks
What they saw stunned them, even Steph as she watched it for the 7th time. Damian Wayne was dancing. But not only that, he was dancing with a girl.
It started with a whisper
“What is this shit?”
No one verbally objected to Jason’s outburst but he was sent a harsh glare from Alfred, Dick and Bruce. Their focus soon returned to the images and videos before them. Babs’ and Steph’s phones were returned to them as the others ran to grab their own devices. They all met back at the table, comparing the posts and comparing their notes.
I can hear the chitchat
“There’s no way this can be real.”
“Jesus Tim,” Barbara rolls her eyes, “have you seen the amount of posts there are? You’d be an idiot to think otherwise.”
Take me to your love shack
“I’m with Tim, how do we know this isn’t some skit. I mean, Demon Spawn almost looks normal. That’s a matter of concern.” He almost dry heaved when he agreed with Tim. Damian couldn’t be capable of naturally exuding that amount of humanity unless there was something in it for him.
Mamas always gotta backtrack
“I was just saying Babs, that we should check the credibility of these images. For all we know they could be gorilla glued together and trying to get unstuck.” Tim cringed at his own reasoning, he really needed to either sleep (probably not going to happen anytime soon) or find his favourite coffee brand (which had been one of the first to vanish after the covid hoarders appeared).
When everybody talks back
Dick was too busy freaking out and spam messaging the youngest Wayne, to defend Damian’s humanity. The family saw this and followed suit, wanting to get information from the source.
Chat name: Alfred supremacy
BigBird: AHHHHHH DAMIAN!
BigBird: YOU LOOK SO CUTE!!!
BigBird: HAIFJDNDNFI
LittleWing: WTF HAPPENED DEMON SPAWN YOU LOOK ALMOST HUMAN
Babs: who knew the city of love would influence the brat
Blondie: they are so cuteeeeeee!
Blondie: We HAVE to meet her!
Silent-but-deadly: agreed.
Timbo: YO DEMON
Timbo: Apparently the videos are legit
Timbo: are you being blackmailed?
And it just devolved into more chaos from there, fueled by the fact that they saw Damian’s ‘Blood Son’ account appear online before vanishing once more. Dick shrieked, “I FOUND HER ACCOUNT!”
The family gathered around the eldest son, peering over his shoulder to view his iPhone 12max screen. They saw a young girl’s Instagram account. It was locked but they could see her profile pic, the girl had black hair and looked to be if Asian decent. They compared it to the videos but it was hard to see due to the hall’s lighting and the minimised facial features of the pfp. Alfred suggested that they search up her username and see who has tagged her, some might have other photos of her.
After research for awhile, the family began to get frustrated with lack of results.
Hey honey you could be my drug
You could be my new prescription
“Come on!” Jason complained, “What kind of teenage girl doesn’t post her life online?” He ignored the girls glares and went back to researching. How had the account by the name of ‘mariiiiinette’ to managed to prevent the entire Wayne clan from accessing it? Damn Instagram privacy settings. He groaned, dragging a hand down his face, “We are fucking stupid. Why don’t we just use the Bat-computer? It would be so much fucking easier.”
“It shouldn’t be used for civilian issues-“
Too much could be an overdose
“The girl could be a meta for all we know! We aren’t safe until we know who she is.” Jason points a finger at Tim, his paranoia flared up and even though he would never admit it, Jason would do anything to protect each member of his family (although Bruce is still debatable).
All this trash talk make me itching
Barbara and Tim took their usual positions as Oracle and Red Robin (who had been banned from patrol due to lack of sleep). The rest of the Batfam stood behind them either with arms crossed or still failing at researching.
Oh my my shit
“The account is owned by a girl called Marinette Dupian-Cheng. She is French-Chinese and her parents own a popular bakery. Also if it wasn’t already obvious, she goes to Collège Françoise Dupont, aka Damian’s French school.” Tim begun informing his nosy family, “But this account has been inactive for the past 6 months, which is strange due to her frequent posting schedule before hand. It seems she probably has a second account and this is her old one.”
Everybody talks, everybody talks
“Not only that,” Barbara interrupted. “There are unopened messages from other accounts that accuse her of being a bully. There is a whole Facebook page about this girl and how she has been hurting her old friends, but neither side seems reliable. The so called victims seem to be twisting the truth but there is barely any information about Marinette so we can’t disprove it either.”
“Read out some of the messages.” Bruce took a cup of coffee from Alfred and sipped it.
The main screen of the bat computer displayed a Facebook group with the banner picture being a photo of Marinette. “They are mostly complaints expected of teen girls when there is a girl they don’t like; ‘Marinette is such a know-it-all’, ‘She is constantly insulting Lila’s intelligence’. They go on to talk about how Marinette was briefly expelled from the Collège before being reinstated by the principle for a reason unknown to them.”
Everybody talks too much
“Her school reports up until this year were good. The newest one states, ‘While Marinette is a wonderful and bright student, I encourage her to settle her disagreements outside of class. This seems to only be a recent occurrence and I implore her to go to the guidance council if she is in need of help.’” A beat of silence echoes through the cave, Tim sighed. “Jason’s meta theory could be correct. She could have just recently started exhibiting her abilities and using them to get what she wants.”
“Bruce what do you want to do?”
“We’re going to Paris.”
She opened her eyes to the blaring morning light that streamed through the blinds. Her lashes still painted with mascara that refused to leave. She felt a pang of sorrow when she was removing her makeup and dress last night, she never wanted the night to end. She shuffled down the stairs to the kitchen, covering her mouth when she yawned. She greeted her mother as she entered the kitchen to get breakfast.
She glanced at her phone and there was the chaos that was started hours ago and it was still occurring. It was the weekend, she wouldn’t need to deal with her classmates until Monday. But she would still have to survive her parent’s interrogation. Out of the corner of her eye she caught her mother smirking at her.
Everybody talks
“Nadja told me some interesting news about last night.” Marinette held her breath, glaring at the toaster, willing it to hurry up so she could escape. “Well,” Sabine patted her shoulder before rubbing Mari’s back. “I know you didn’t want to go but I hope you had fun.”
With that she exited the kitchen, probably going to help her father in the bakery. The ravenette stared after her, eye widened in shock, jumping when the toaster went off. Buttering her toast she went over the conversation, her brows furrowed in confusion. She had expected a ‘When do I get to meet the oh so famous prince?’ or ‘Should I be expecting a new guest sometime in the near future?’ or at least a ‘Who was that young man, Bǎozàng (宝藏 it means treasure)?’ But she said nothing.
A small smile was plastered upon her face as she changed and went down to help her parents in the bakery. Her father didn’t say anything either, he gave her a knowing smile before continuing to kneed the dough. She sat at the the store front as the cashier whilst her parents were busy making ‘Paris’s Finest Pastries’.
Her musings slowly faded as she was brought back to reality by badly hushed whispers. Two young preteens were by the bread roll casing near the door. She had seen them come in before with their parents, the girls went to the prestigious international school over in the 16th arrondissement. The one with purple hair kept whispering to the brunette, both ‘subtly’ glancing towards her. Using her enhanced hearing she listened in on their conversation.
“That’s her, I swear that’s her in the video.”
The blonde’s face soured likes she sucked on a lemon. “No, it wasn’t good lighting there is no way he would dance with someone like her.”
Everybody talks
Marinette had tough skin but their words had an impact, only a small one due to her defence mechanism of repressing emotions. She stopped listening and went back to drawing in her sketchpad, she was in desperate need of a new school outfit.
The two girls eventually came up to the counter, goods in hand. Marinette rung up and bagged their items (paper because save the turtles sksksk) in a tired daze. A phone was shoved into her face, her eyes barely adjusted to view the screen before the blonde spoke.
“Is this your instagram?” She asked in a tone so snobbish that it should be illegal from a person her age. Marinette finally was able to view the screen that was barely an inch from her face. Her old Instagram ‘mariiiiinette’ was displayed on screen, she hesitantly nodded, gaze flicking back to the two in front of her.
The blonde’s nose scrunched up and the purple goth girl squealed in delight. They soon after left the store, their conversation had devolved into ‘See! I told you’ and ‘Yeah, yeah. You were right.’
Walking to school on Monday, she had finally come down from cloud nine. She still rode the tail end of her high as she rushed along her path to her campus, she wasn’t going to be late but she sure wasn’t going to be early. She had spent the better part of the weekend designing and sewing a brand new outfit. Her new look was composed of a black cropped singlet (L'amour gagne hemmed into it and it’s straps), paired matching peach plaid cropped overshirt and a-line miniskirt. Her hair was down, ballet flats were worn and her makeup was the usual with the added edition of a rose gold eyeshadow.
Even though her face was covered in a black and gold mask, she looked hot.
She reached the campus and the whispers started again, people were still buzzing from Friday night. Her classmates, the majority of her grade and the younger years seemed to gossiping before class about the formal’s events. She couldn’t spot any of her friends or the two Gotham transfers, so she was stuck listening the the chitchat. Why couldn’t she have been late like usual?
Damian had a fowl disposition and it showed in multiple icey glares (and that was before he even reached the collège). His family had made their appearance known in Paris at 1am Sunday morning. He could have used his dorm to escape but his family didn’t have the word ‘privacy’ within their vocabulary. He didn’t want to have to pay for a lock replacement due to his brothers’ (most likely Todd with Drake & Grayson laughing at him) lock picking habit.
The Ice Prince was back with full force. He had just been... influenced by all the other couples. Yes he did respect Dupain-Cheng and he appreciated her company & pleasant conversations. He would struggle to hide a small smile at the memory of the dance, even if he denied himself the happiness of normality, he felt content when reminiscing.
“Ooo the Ice Prince is here, did he have a fight with his princess or something?” The voice seemed to mock him.
“The Disney Magic is gone. The demon is back.”
Everybody talks
At the second jeer he shot a glare at the perpetrator. Jon held his hands up in an ‘I surrender manner’, laughing as he joined Damian at his side. The two entered the school’s large foyer and looked to see if any of the classes were open yet. Sadly they weren’t, before he was wrong and the his class was plain torture but this was truely hell.
He saw Dupain-Cheng sitting alone on the stairs, drawing within her sketchpad. He wondered how a girl like her, who always seemed to be involved in other’s lives (for the better) was ignoring all of the comments about her. She felt his focus centre on her, eyes flicking up to meet his, she provided him with a small wave before continuing to draw.
Jon nudged him with an elbow to his ribs and dragged him off to the side, into the boy’s locker rooms. Jon scowled at the door, “It’s a mad house out there. You’ve heard what some people are saying right?”
“Why would I care about these imbeciles?”
Jon jabbed Damian in the chest, causing the demon to stumble. Green eyes darted from blue eyes to the tan finger. “You care when lies hurt people you care about.”
The day began to rapidly decline once the two dance partners took their seats, next to each other. They had both been placed up the back of the class and them sitting together hadn’t been a problem until now apparently. She wasn’t even safe when the teacher started their lecture, whispers and glances were cast towards them. Once the two got to biology it was better, Ms Mendeleiev was a strict teacher and was able to control the class.
Everybody talks
But the recess came. When the bell rang she slowly started packing up her equipment, Alix and Max (who she shared biology with) waited for her; she watched as the Ice Prince left through the door. She knew she didn’t need to be concerned about her friends joining in with the gossiping, if anything they would dispel people and tell them to ‘Mind their own fucking business’ because this whole situations is ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.
She did receive some slight teasing from Alix about being a Disney princess, but Marinette quipped back about the skater’s fairytale story being ‘Pinknette, the Geek and the Beast’. The three met up with the other two of their group, they had just come from geography. Kim was complaining that Argentina was a state in America.
“That’s Arkansas you idiot!” Chloe shrieked, lightly hitting his arm with her white handbag. Max held his head in his hand as he approached, how had his tutoring sessions failed so badly?
Chloe turned to Marinette, a smile forming from her glare. The blonde examined the designer’s clothing, nodding. “You look like you are about to have a hot girl summer.”
Marinette’s face burned, the tips of her ears coated in red. Alix chuckled and nudged her shoulder.
Everybody talks
“Look at her, she is so desperate for his attention that she probably copied those designs.”
“Why do you think he danced with her anyways? Maybe she has something on him? I mean, she forces him to sit next to her in class, who knows what else she has done.”
What. The. Fuck.
Chloe glowered towards Lila’s posy. “We have a fucking seating plan, those cretins-“ She made a motion to storm over but was caught by the ravenette, looking back to Mari, her rage decreased from a boil to a simmer.
“No Chlo. It’s fine, it’s not worth it.”
Everybody talks... back
The group walked out to the school’s front steps, it was a mad house... a mad courtyard? Students sitting on the stairs, on the grass and standing around mingling, all of them now were staring at her. She held her backpack close to her chest (she had swapped her signature coin-bag purse for the pastel pink bag), pretending its a shield. Her friends circled around her becoming an obstacle to prevent their stares. If people were afraid of a scowling Kim then they don’t know the scorn of Chloe or Alix’s bite. And Max, sweet quiet Max.... you better hope he doesn’t have blackmail on you (he probably does), he can dismantle your life with a single anonymous post.
Rushed footsteps approached them. The group was broken apart by a rude Wayne boy, he swept Mari away from the school and the gossip crowds within. Her four friends shouted at him and he kept walking, shooting a glare at them in response. He kept pushing Marinette forward with a hand placed on the small of her back, her backpack was now swung over his other shoulder.
They ended up in her favourite alcove. She had brought him here with the other Gotham transfers for a native’s tour of Paris. It had always been her safe place to be creative.
It started with a whisper (everybody talks, everybody talks)
“My apologises for our rushed departure but you seemed to want to get out of their anyhow.” His gruff tone danced through the silence, his head still peaking around the corner; watching for any unwelcome guests.
“Thank you.” She whispered, her voice almost being carried off by the gentle wind. A genuine smile illustrated upon her face.
“We weren’t able to converse after the events of the other night. I would like to formally apologise once more for my actions causing this adverse reaction. If I had kn-“
“You don’t need to apologise!” She squeaked, hiding her eyes behind her fisted hand. Her shoulders curled inwards as she tried to make herself seem as small as possible, a side effect of her common use of her secondary miraculous form: Multimouse.
“I chose to dance with you, you don’t need to apologise for my own actions.” He stared at her with confusion. He had taken the blame so she wouldn’t need to do so herself; but she had taken it anyways. He had given her an out. Why does she always take the blame, even for things out of her control?
“But if I hadn’t danced with you then you wouldn’t have been the focus of the entire school.”
Marinette stepped forward, her eyes hardened and blazing. “Damian Friday night I went there out of obligation to my friends, I didn’t want to be there. But dancing with you? That was the highlight of my week, probably my month too. I enjoyed our time together.” Her face softened, lips twitched downwards ever so slightly. “I don’t regret anything about that night, but do you?”
He was bad at comfort. Everyone in his family avoided him when they were in need, he plainly didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t visibly upset but he sensed that she is disappointed that he apparently didn’t share the same opinion of the night. The only thing he regretted about that night was letting Jon call him a coward, but then again if he didn’t he never would have danced with Dupa- Marinette.
He picked up her clenched hand, the tension in her body alleviated at his embrace. He remembered how Grayson would apologise to Kor’i or how his father interacted with Ms Kyle. He brought their hands up and placed a kiss upon her knuckles.
And that was when I kissed her (everybody talks, everybody talks)
“I do not regret anything either—“ he cleared his throat, “In fact, I’d appreciate if we would be able to interact more, especially outside of that cesspit.”
Was he...?
It didn’t matter.
She smiled the same dazzling smile she gave him at the dance. She nodded while laughing, “I’d love that.”
Everybody talks
The two stay talking, hidden within their secret alcove for the rest of the day. She texted her parents to say she was with a friend and would be back later that night. Damian didn’t bother texting his family, Marinette knew he had to be back soon due to his dorm’s curfew.
The sun was setting at they walked back together, he did the gentlemanly thing and dropped her off at her bakery door. She could see her mother behind the register inconspicuously looking over at the two of them. Damian’s lips quirked upwards, she was satisfied with his kinda-smile.
He walked back, hands in pockets and a neutral expression upon his face instead of a scowl. He reached his door and took his keys, he found that it was already open. Damn.
His family was splayed out within his two roomed dorm. Todd and Drake were fighting over a place to sit on his bed, whilst his father sat at his desk, watching the commotion. The three of them turned to him as he enter the room, they were the only family members able to attend on short notice; Cain had a ballet audition, Gordon & Brown had concert tickets for tomorrow, Grayson had to take care of Mar’i while Kor’i was on Tamaran and Alfred stayed to ensure no one died during their night time activities.
“We need to talk Damian.” His father stood, leaning onto the desk chair. “The school called and said you had an unexcused absence for half the day. Where were you Damian?”
Damian stared into his father’s eyes. He was fifteen, almost an adult, but was treated like he was ten again.
“I was with a friend.”
“Probably the girl from the dance. Marinette, right?” Todd mocked him. Damian snapped his head in the direction of his bed, glaring at both his brothers.
“That’s what I want to talk about with you Damian. Now I don’t know her personally but from what we’ve discovered through our investigation we have some concerns. What’s happened Damian?”
The youngest Wayne’s glare shifted off of his brothers to the floor, and then finally to his father; his family sitting in wait for his answer. Straightening his posture, his shoulders clicked as he rolled then back. His statement’s tone was sure and steady, “Everybody talks father.”
Everybody talks... back
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wolvesandpetals · 3 years
Text
Loki x Sylvie Post-Finale Fanfiction (Angst, Rated Teen) Part 2 of 2
Part 1 is here:
She never knew it would hurt this much when the person she loves is right in front of her, but she can't reach out and touch him; when she is still her, he is still him, but everything else has changed, like an invisible lever in an old theatre changing the scenery in the background, bringing them both to the part of the play where they are hopelessly lost.
[[MORE]]
All it took was one single moment, one single decision, and everything feels irrevocably broken now. It makes her contemplate on the true nature of relationships, how fragile they are, and how easy it is to shatter them- and her.
The smoke is slowly clearing, and all that seems to be left is a man who is doing his best to keep his distance from her, physically and emotionally.
She can tell from the way he stands with his arms crossed, or his fists clenced when his hands are by his side, that he really doesn't want to hold her hand. How can something so simple as the touch of his fingers be so vital to her existence that it feels like something has been ripped out from inside her?
She wants to reach out and touch him, but she is scared that if he pulls away outright, any hope of reconciliation that she still has left will shatter into pieces.
And she really needs this hope. It's the only thing she still has left. It's the only thing that keeps her going.
---
He looks like a man with a mission.
They spent quite a long time together, running from the TVA, running towards the citadel at the end of time, hoping to achieve their goal of bringing down the one behind the curtains.
But that was her mission, and he was there for her. She was the one behind the wheels, he was the one keeping the sails afloat.
Now it's different. Now he has a defined goal, a glorious purpose.
She's seeing him in a whole new light now, and not just because he has switched to Asgardian leather and metal armors.
As far as she is concerned, she is better off doing it all alone. One woman army, nobody to get in her way, nobody to screw up her plans. Nobody to blame her if it all goes to shit.
Or so it was, until two months ago, when Mobius decided to enlist her help in fixing the multiversal madness.
She has never really worked with people before, and it's weird, to say the least. She never considered herself a team player, but she is finding herself hating the idea less and less lately.
And she swears it has nothing to do with him. Not the fact that they are working together, and seeing his face first thing in the morning brings her a sense of calm that she quite can't explain. Or the fact that their rooms are next to each other and it makes her feel secure enough to finally get some rest at nights. Or that this whole arrangement has kept them on talking terms, when they had gone their own separate ways otherwise.
Nothing to do with that at all.
---
Humans are stupid, and the biggest evidence of this is how they decided that two extremely powerful Gods skilled at magic, enchantment, and defeating an evil extra dimensional cloud that swallows everything it touches, should be delegated to the role of research. "You're clever. You're good at reading people. You can put yourselves in the shoes of the bad guys, no offense", they said, but really, what they meant was, "We can't trust you out in the field much." She knows it, he knows it. She just doesn't know why he's complying.
That's how they find themselves researching every single day.
She likes to think he's not the only reason why she's studying in the library instead of in the comfort of her room, but that'd be a lie.
At first, he chooses to sit at a separate table. But she keeps going over to his to "get his opinion" on something in the file she's reading, and finally, he gives in. Their current arrangement consists of him sitting in the chair in front of her, to the left, prim and proper, while she hoists her feet up on the table.
He falls asleep on the desk one night, face smacked against a file, the tiniest bit of drool forming at the corner of his mouth. It would be a hilarious sight, if her heart wasn't feeling what she can only describe as longing.
They should probably talk about it, like mature adults, but neither of them know how to do that.
All she can do right now is gather the courage to run her fingers through his hair. The touch is hesitant at first, as if one wrong move would make him wake up and push her back to square one. Slowly, she relaxes, letting her fingers dance on his scalp.
He stirs in his sleep. "Please Sif. I'm sorry. Don't cut off my glorious locks, please."
Now this is a story she must hear when things are better.
If things are better.
---
Doctor Strange joins them very briefly, very rarely, but the tension between him and Loki is hard to miss. It's worse than the current situation with her, and that's saying something.
"You don't really like Stephen, do you?"
Something inside him seems to shift, but he masks it behind a non-chalant look immediately and just arches an eyebrow at her. "He's Stephen now, is he?"
"Well, that is his name." She shrugs. "What do you call him?"
"Strange", he spits the word out with an amount of irritation that indicates there definitely is a story there. "That is his name", he mimics.
She can't help the smirk that spreads across her lips. "What did he do to you?"
"Nothing", he lies, ignoring the horrifying flashbacks of thirty minutes of endless falling. Not a single soul must ever know a mere human got the best of him. "What can he do to me? I'm a God among those mortals. He just irks me because he is so pompous, and arrogant, and he ceaselessly uses magic to toy with others."
She pretends to think deeply. "Now where have I seen that before?"
He scoffs. "You mock me, but I am nothing like him. For one, I am not rude."
"He seems fine to me", she declares decisively.
It's the first time in months that he gives her a cheeky grin. "That's because you're rude too."
---
They are still just containing the threats to their world, instead of finding a way to fortify the barriers between worlds and stop the threats from coming.
"Shouldn't we have a plan to seal off the other worlds from ours?" She asks him one day.
"They are working on it." He tells her, and then with a look of worry, adds, "I hope."
There are debates on what to do at the Avengers tower and at the TVA. Nobody seems to agree on what the best course of action is, but everyone seems to be following the general instructions of Doctor Strange.
During one such meeting, a Minuteman makes the mistake of voicing out loud how she wondered if things would be better if they were running according to their old boss's plans.
Sylvie feels the guilt wash over her once more.
"No", Loki tells them all firmly. The determination in his voice takes her completely by surprise. "Evil is evil. Lesser, greater, middling, makes no difference. The degree is arbitrary. The definition’s blurred." She catches him steal a glance at her direction. "We couldn't have left a dictator in charge just because it's convenient. Listen, I'm the bad guy. I've done horrible, unspeakable things. I thought humans needed to be ruled. I wanted to rule. But even I know that it's not right to take away a person's life completely. These are innocent people. You are innocent people. You have families back home, parents, children", a pause and a softening of his features, "-love. A whole past, a whole future. That man had no right to take it away from you."
His powers of persuasion are foreign to her, and it's mesmerizing to watch. Her enchantments cannot hold a candle to how he is able to just talk people into doing what he wants, thinking what he thinks, seeing what he sees.
"He who remains had a plan. One, singular plan, from one, singular man." There is absolute conviction in his voice. "It's not the only way. We'll find another way. A better way."
She has never known what it is like to have someone see you for who you are- broken and flawed, and defend you- even your well-intentioned actions that yielded different results than what you expected and hurt them in the process. She suspects it has been the same for him, a lifetime of not having anyone have his back.
The warm feeling inside her is brand new. What is the name of this? Comfort? Relief?
Happiness?
---
This will be their first time out in the field in a long time, and she feels a little sick to the stomach.
He notices. "Are you alright?"
The concern in his voice tugs at her heartstrings. She nods. She has faced way worse, she shouldn't be so nervous about this, but she is. "I've never done this before."
"We can always just kill him and blame it on the Chitauris", he suggests with a serious face.
"I heard that", Peter yells from the other room, where he is doing whatever it is that teenagers do to prepare for battle.
She shakes her head in disbelief. "I can't believe we're babysitting."
"I've done this before", he assures her, and it surprises her to picture him being entrusted with such a serious task. "The trick is to conjure up illusions that keep them distracted enough to not cry."
She laughs. "You're thinking of infants. This one is a little older."
"I'm over a thousand years old, Sylvie. They're all infants to me."
Peter joins them, mask covering his face so that he doesn't reveal his identity. "So what do I call you? Loki and Loki? That's confusing. How about Loki and Lady Loki? Or is that offensive? I'm not suggesting women are inferior, because they're absolutely not..."
"Does he come with an off switch?" She whispers in horror as Peter rambles on.
Loki grins. With one wave of his hand and a flash of green, Peter's own webbing shoots out and seals his mouth shut.
---
Things are fine but not fine at the same time. He's right there beside her, but not there at all. They have their banters, they have their stolen glances, but they haven't had a meaningful conversation since that first day when she got back. She's been putting it off for a long time, but she knows they really do need to have the talk.
She corners him in his room one evening while he's tinkering with a temporal collar. She takes a seat in the chair next to his bed and rests her hand on the table, leaning her head against her palm, before switching position and crossing her arms and legs. Everything about her posture screams uneasiness. If he notices- he probably does- he doesn't say anything.
"You defended me that day."
He briefly looks up from the task at hand and gives her a soft smile. "Of course."
She blinks. "I don't understand." Her hands involuntary rise up to rub her temples. "If you can justify my actions to them, then how can you still be mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you", he says without missing a beat.
"Rubbish", her words come out angrier than she intended. This frustration is the result of the months of status quo they have had. She has to know now, one way or the other. "You're distant. You're guarded", she accuses. Then her voice breaks, as she feels a part of her break all over again with her next words. "You don't hold my hand. Why? Tell me."
He abandons the collar and focuses his full attention on her. Staring straight into her eyes, he answers her. "You know why."
"I wouldn't be asking if I did. Look, if it's because I chose the mission over you-"
"-Of course it's not that." He says decisively. Then a sad smile clouds his face. It's the same look he had when she accused him of conning her to gain the throne. "Do you think I'm the type of man who would want a woman to abandon her life-long ambitions just because she has met someone?"
She knows he isn't. But it still doesn't answer why he is so cross with her. "What is it then?"
He pauses for a moment, trying to decide whether he wants to bare his soul out to her once more or not. There are two ways he can go from here- choose to not let her in again and save himself from the hurt, or trust her again and open himself up to potential pain.
Who is he kidding? Pushing her away- keeping her away- doesn't hurt any less.
There were a thousand things that had to go wrong to bring two Lokis from two universes together. A connection like that, it doesn't just happen.
And it doesn't just go away. The pain is constant, it's a part of him, pounding like a second heart every second he has to stop himself from reaching out for her hand.
This has to come to an end.
He takes in a deep breath, bracing himself. "You didn't have to send me away, Sylvie. I wanted to stop you from making the same mistakes I did. But in the end, I didn't care what you chose. I just wanted us to do it together."
She never even imagined this could be the reason for his hurt. All these months spent thinking he hates her for her choices, and now it turns out he is hurt simply because she chose to do it alone? "I'm sorry." She says sincerely. "I just wanted you to be safe."
"And I just wanted to be there with you till the end." He confesses. His eyes shimmer with the emotions he has kept bottled in for so long. "You go, I go."
She doesn't know what to say to that. She has never been good at articulating her feelings. Tears stream down her cheeks at the realisation that even after everything, he is still there for her.
She didn't cry even back at Lamentis when they thought they were going to die. She doesn't let anyone see her cry when she is sad or scared. That's all she has known her whole life. She's used to it by now.
This is new. These are tears of relief. Comfort.
Happiness.
Tentatively, she crosses over to the bed and sits by his side.
It's quiet for a few minutes. But unlike the months of tension so thick she could cut it into splices with her daggers, this is comfortable silence. The kind they had before it all went wrong.
"Did you even miss me?" He whispers.
"What kind of silly question is that? Of course I did." Her shaking hands grab his, and oh how she missed this.
He intertwines their fingers. His eyes draw closed. Bliss. That's the only word for this feeling.
He opens his eyes again and studies her. She's staring back at him, teary-eyed, but with a hopeful smile. "Really? Because you have a really unique way of showing it. You didn't even come looking for me."
"I didn't know how to face you", she tells him honestly. No tricks, no enchantment, no treachery. Not with him. "I didn't know if you even wanted to see me." Her voice grows quieter, dropping to a timbre that perfectly encapsulates her deepest fear. "I thought you hated me."
"Hate you?" He is shocked that she thinks that is even possible, specially after seeing him these last few months. "Sylvie, I'm working with the Avengers. The Avengers. Do you know how much I hate them? They are my nemesis. They're self-righteous, condescending, and so completely dull. Every second with them makes me want to rip their hearts out. Why do you think I'm here with them?"
She thinks she knows. But she needs to hear it anyway.
"It's because of you." He lays it all out on the table. All cards on deck, win or lose. "You've been running away. I have been the one who has been here, trying to hold down the fort, working to fix everything. Because that is what one does when one loves-"
Shit. The word slips out before he realises it.
Their eyes go wide in unison.
"Sylvie, I-"
"-Don't you dare take it back now." She warns him. "I-" She doesn't know how to say it either. They make such a great pair, both equally daft at saying how they feel, like they are teenagers, not Gods who have lived for centuries. "I've been running because I didn't think I could bear the burden of knowing I found you and then I lost you. I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever."
He kisses the back of her hand, before letting it go. He cups her face, gently caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "I don't want to lose you either."
She leans in closer, until their foreheads touch. She can feel his breath on her face, warm and soft. That is exactly how she feels inside. "You won't", she promises. "You go, I go."
---
(Quote on Lesser Evil from The Witcher. Thanks for reading!!)
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