#sotvtaughtmehowtofeel

[dilf-din]

I’m also curious what you’d do with 15 for rebelcaptain if you wanted to play with that

Me going overboard on a prompt? Never

This was very challenging for me to work out, so thank you! It was different than my usual.

Rebelcaptain (Jyn x Cassian)

WC: 1950

Warnings: major character death (not J or C), lots of angst, hurt comfort, alcohol mention

15. Sharing a bed used to be quite normal for us, when did that change?

Cassian’s head hung low as he led the way back to the ship. Not a word was exchanged while they walked single file, boots on gravel and the low hum of a bird piercing the silence. The air between them was heavy as they ignored the gaping hole torn in the fabric of their lives, the breeze that was gusting through and nipping at their extremities like like a bug on a summer day. They continued in silence as they tossed their gear and jackets carelessly into the hall, the ring of metal on metal pounding their eardrums. Jyn’s jaw set like granite as they made their way into the cockpit and ignored the empty seat while Cassian slipped into the pilot’s chair. He drew the headset on with reverent hands, eyes glazed over and mind running on autopilot. Jyn almost couldn’t bear it, but she wasn’t going to crack before him. There wasn’t the time.

Cassian flipped switches and turned knobs, following all the pre flight checks and rituals before they lifted into the air and began their trip home. Jyn wondered if it would even feel like that any more, if it ever would again.

She rested her back against the doorway and sank to the ground once they were stable, for some reason feeling the need to create space between her and Cassian. As always, she was following his lead. He had been more stoic than she expected, colder. Like a switch inside him flipped that she hadn’t seen yet. Maybe it was survival mode, maybe it was who he truly was.

She was able to slip into her mind and away from the reality of their mission, thankful for the mercy that Cassian knew how to pilot. She thought of her parents and ached for their warmth. She fished the Kyber crystal out of the neck of her shirt and turned it over in her hands, freezing when she saw blood caked under her nails, deep crimson faded to that awful rust color. Her fingers began to tremble violently as she tried to force the white shard back into the safety of her shirt, wishing she had never drawn it out in the first place. Then she kept wishing. She wished she had never joined the rebellion, because gaining a family meant she just had more at stake to lose again. She wished she had rotted inside that prison, that they never came to break her out. She wished she had died that day with her mother, that all of them had been razed down by Krennic’s cold gaze and hunger for revenge. Peering back into the cockpit, she felt resentment curdling in her gut, boiling like something gone sour. That bitter taste crept into the bottom her throat and she scrambled to the fresher just in time to blow bile all over the floor. She spat and heaved as her stomach turned in on itself leaving her eyes bleary and her lips red from scrubbing away the taste.

She wiped snot and tears on her sleeves, uncaring as they joined the rest of the grime there. She was going to burn this shirt when they got back to base anyway.

She returned to the doorway on light feet with a heavy heart, her head spinning from some combination of fatigue and vertigo.

“I’m going to go lie down,” she called into the cockpit.

Cassian didn’t falter, didn’t flinch didn’t even nod. For the first time since they had known one another, he was completely unreadable. The longer he went without speaking, the higher the wall between them seemed to climb, much higher in one afternoon than she ever imagined it would be in a lifetime.

Jyn tucked herself under the bench in the hall, tried to rearrange her pack in a way that wouldn’t leave her with a crick in her neck, and let the motion of the ship sing her to sleep.

She dreamed of Bodhi.

——

Weeks passed after their return to base, and the rift between Jyn and Cassian only seemed to grow. The other commanding officers took pity on them, gave them on base assignments for the time being. It might’ve been a war, but there was still humanity Mon assured.

They held a funeral for Bodhi, a pyre piled high of his things disintegrating before them like his body slipping from the cliff they clung to and becoming nothing more than a speck below. Jyn relived every second of that day a thousand times over. Bodhi’s injury. The tourniquet. His insistence that he could make it. His face going pale. The slip of his hand and Cassian grabbing for him. The slick material of Bodhi’s coat gliding through his numb fingers as he plummeted to his death. Jyn stared at Cass, mouth agape, but he wouldn’t look her in the eye, couldn’t look anywhere but down, in the direction of one of his greatest failures.

They gave space for his crewmates to share memories of Bodhi. People from every area of the rebellion reminisced of his kindness, his wit. From nurses in the medbay to fellow pilots to the cooks in the mess hall, everyone had something to say about the bright eyed boy. Cass stared into the fire with his jaw clenched and eyes glazed over. He was either absorbing everything that was said like a blaster bolt to the chest, or he was completely checked out. Jyn still couldn’t tell.

When everyone slowly filtered back to their quarters for the night, Jyn entered her empty room, resigned to face her ghosts alone once more, but something insider her was gnawing to go check on Cassian. They had barely spoken in weeks. She couldn’t take it anymore. She pulled one of Cassian’s well worn tunics over top of her sleep shorts, the sleeves and hem dwarfing her much smaller frame. Cassian’s quarters were only a few doors down. She knew the path blindfolded, had walked it countless times in the middle of the night seeking refuge.

When she knocked, there was a pause before she heard anything on the other side, a hesitance. She pleaded inside for him to open it and not pretend to be asleep, felt the turmoil in the force surrounding him.

She almost called his name, let it fall from her lips in a way she knew would break him, but she wanted the decision to be his. The sound of bare feet crossing the floor, the sound of the door sliding open, the pain painted across his face, the uncorked bottle of jet juice on the table. She crashed into his arms as the door closed behind her.

“What are you doing here?” he slurred.

“I’m worried about you,” she said, pulling away and taking his face into her hands. It had been long since he shaved, his stubble thick under her fingertips. Alcohol hung on his breath like the stench of death. There were clothes and towels strewn over the room, on the floor and over the backs of chairs.

“I thought you hated me like everyone else,” he said in a flat voice, like someone who had the fight knocked out of him one too many times. He slipped from her grasp and went to slump over on the sofa. The glass of deep orange liquid was knocked back in an instant with a sharp breath from him.

“How much of that have you had?” Jyn asked, her brows knit together in concern.

He shrugged, “Enough. Not enough.”

“You must’ve have several bottles to get it in your head that I hate you, that I blame you,” she crossed the room to sit on the table in front of him, “Is that what this is about?”

His head hung low still, refusing to miss her eyes.

“I haven’t been avoiding you because I hate you. I was trying to give you space. I don’t know what you need if you don’t talk to me, Cass,” she said, softer on the last bit.

“I need to not be a fuck up. I need people to stop putting so much trust in me and learn that I’m going to let them down every time!” he shouted. The veins in his neck strained and red crept into his eyes as a thousand regrets stung them at once. He couldn’t keep it in any longer, her presence broke the dam that had built up, allowing everything to rush out, leaving her as collateral damage in the wake.

Sobs shook his shoulders as his resolve crumbled. Jyn slipped herself under his arms and allowed his weight to rest against her chest. His hands grasped at her desperately, taking fistfuls of the loose shirt and pressing himself further to her like muscle memory. They fit together whether they liked it or not, whether things were going well or not, it was always the two of them.

She shushed him, smoothing her hands through his hair, taking note of the unusual layer of grease covering his usually soft locks.

After a few minutes, the sobbing subsided into sniffling, his weight still fully resting on her.

“Can you do something for me?” she asked softly, pressing her lips against his earlobe.

“Anything,” he said shakily, “Whatever you need,” his eyes rose to meet hers, his favorite shade of green.

“I’m going to go start a shower for you. Do you feel strong enough to at least rinse off?”

He nodded.

Jyn took his hand in hers and led him over the piles of mess and into the fresher. She started the water and waited until she saw steam creeping up the edges of the mirror to turn her attention to him. Nimble fingers worked to undo his buttons, letting his shirt fall away. He lifted his legs one by one as she helped him out of his trousers, and leaned into her neck once more. Her arms wrapped around him, and she scratched his shoulder blades lightly with the tips of her nails, sending a small chill down his spine and an even smaller smile to his lips.

“I’ll be just out here if you need me,” she reassured him, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Cassian lifted his head to press a long kiss to her lips, leaning his forehead against hers to linger for a moment before pulling away. An unspoken thank you, a gesture she recognized.

He disappeared into the cloud of steam, and Jyn re-entered the living space to get to work on the mess. She straightened the furniture, gathered the laundry, and filled a bag of the trash that had piled up. There were too many dirty clothes to wash in one load, so she did a sniff test on a few of the larger pieces, setting them aside to go in when the first load was done.

Cassian emerged to find her slipping new pillow cases onto each of their pillows atop the clean sheets she had used to dress the bed. He slipped his arms around her waist from behind, just content to hold her as she fluffed the last edges.

“I haven’t slept in weeks,” she murmured.

“Please stay,” he whispered, taking her wrist in his wide palm.

“Only if you want,” she gave him a chance to back out, didn’t want him to commit to anything just for her.

“I always want you near,” he smiled, for real this time, “As long as you’re alive, I want you in the space next to me at night, wherever that is.”

This time Jyn was the one to rest her weight against him, thankful to have even a glimpse of her partner back.

[gingerteaonthetardis]

Uhh rose tyler is the best???? She’s so sweet and genuine and she just CARES SO MUCH 😭😭😭 how do you not love her?!

yes!! i'm just like. she's compassionate, she's selfish, she teaches a dalek to love, she uses what she believes to be the last moments of her life to absolve the doctor of his guilt, she accuses him, she saves him...

she's never gonna leave him, she has no choice but to leave him, she is brave, she is terrified, she is human, she is more the doctor than the doctor could ever be!!!!

[andorerso]

Top 5 star wars characters?

oh this was harder than I thought... so many more characters I could list

Cassian Andor

Jyn Erso

Cal Kestis

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Merrin

Ask me my "TOP 5/TOP 10" anything!

[outer-edges]

🦖🍄🫘

ooooo okay this is such a good set omg! thank u!

🦖 Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you'd like to return to?

this one is SO easy. the last of us. i know thats the most recent fandom ive written for but ive technically been writing marvel since then just nothing i've posted. but i still got that time loop that is just begging to be closed. and i forsee a tlou revival in the imminent future bc i lowkey miss it bad. additionally, i want to rewatch lucifer which will probably (maybe?) result in a lucifer era revival (but also maybe not bc the last few seasons left me very satisfied + also i wrote SOOOOOOOOOOO much lucifer fic back the first go around i'm not sure there's anything left)

🍄 Are there any fandoms you've never written for but want to try?

actually yes! i technically haven't ever written for the punisher (unless we're counting my god awful oc crossovers 💀) and i have a desperate need to write some frank & amy fics because there are like less than 75 of them in their tag and a lot of them are kastle fics (which i also have some ideas for because they also make my brain explode)

🫘 Spill the beans. What's a new project you're doing this year?

i mean....fic wise? i'm not sure i have anything planned fic-wise i'm a pantser mostly when it comes to fics. i do still have the firefighter!ellie au in my back pocket that i have to write. my big personal writing project of the year tho is i'm going to try and write a romcom because that is most definitely out of my comfort zone and i've already been plotting out the bones of a sapphic romcom script (and not new of course but there is always one hit wonder which i have been trying and failing to write for srsly like eight years now and idk i feel like 2024 might be the year she finally gets finished)

[channelrat]

hey man i hope you know you've altered my brain, every time i scroll through netflix i see the signal, or really any astronaut related thing, and im immediately just "prospect is that prospect?? pedro that you?" and i don't even go here. diagnosed with prospect (adjacent) disorder do i quality for financial compensation? in all seriousness though i am getting curious and i might watch

no you're fully entitled to financial compensation i'll have my people call your people 😔

My first watch was me going "Raider Joel" every time Pedro appeared and now somewhere in the last few months it's shifted to me going "Apocalypse Ezra" every time I see Joel it's BAD

also its become a source of nonsensical memes

It's on Youtube movies for free yknow just saying for no particular reason and it's also on Tubi last I checked and yknow i think it's going to Amazon again but that's a paid for streaming and it's free elsewhere so yknow just for anyone who may wanna watch sdkghsdgh

[ellies-little-gun]

🌈🌻

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I feel like the fic series I worked *really fucking hard on* is the one people would assume I worked hard on. Part two of We Finish What We Started took me like a week to write (part one took me 4 days). And I made that shit my job for like a week to get it done as quick as I could. It was exhausting but that series is my baby so it's totally worth it!

⚠️WARNING: SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION AHEAD⚠️

The series I mentioned above can be found here.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

Honestly, nothing makes me want to give up writing. I've been writing for so many years now that I don't think I could stop if I tried. It's just a part of who I am at this point. What keeps me going is the fact that I love it so much.

[ellies-enrichment]

Fine, FINE, after ten months of seeing these Prospect memes, I surround;

What's it about? Is it worth watching? Please make a looong rant about it I am stuck on doing nothing but work and I have to convince my mind to go watch something

after trying to think of the best way to explain this, I'm directing you to @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel because she'll explain it better than me and she's why I watched it

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

WIP Wednesday

Well, it's not Wednesday but let's pretend it is. Thank you for the tag my darling @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel 🥰

I'm not exactly writing anything at the moment but I do have a little thingy I cut from one of my previous fics and I am planning to rework it into my current new idea.

Tagging @undertheknightwing and anyone else who sees this and decides to participate.

[blooming-gwens]

RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.

Thank you for the tag 💕 @awakening5

This is from chappy two of my ghostflower death fic bc I was actually working on it today (life has been crazy and is never kind enough to grant me the time or energy to write or blog anymore)

Not when Miles was missing in a finite cluster of universes, with Miguel also on the prowl armed with the numbers and every advantage they could only dream of possessing.

Im breaking the rules bc that is simply too many people to tag. It’s no one fault but my own that I’m a big utilizer of run on sentences.

@sotvtaughtmehowtofeel @shokuto @mockingspider @nerd-in-distress @nerdyneko6373 @dilf-din @ellies-little-gun

[skoulsons]

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tag @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel 🤍

a little something for a new daisy and coulson fic

no pressure tags!! @novemberrain-writes @orangechickenpillow @steeb-stn @ellies-enrichment

[wicked--loving--lies]

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tag @adhdprincess !

I am mortified this exists, but whatever. It’s definitely a form of procrastination, can’t even help it.

Vague context, Tommy & Maria go on patrol pre-marriage… so yeah, plotless sickfic, I am so sorry:

Absolutely zero pressure tags: @seethesunny @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel @bumblepony @wordspinning

[dilf-din]

2 or 14, dealer’s choice! Rebelcaptain of course 🤌🏻

LISS, you picked one of my favorite tropes so I couldn’t not do it. Cuddling for warmth my BELOVED.

Rebelcaptain (Cassian x Jyn)

WC: 950

Warnings: angst, fluff

14. We’re snowed in and there’s not a lot of space or heat

Cassian hated the cold. He hated the deep drifts of snow that reached up to his waist. He hated the wind so strong he wasn’t sure he’d ever regain feeling in his ears. And he hated that they were trapped in this cave. He hated getting sent on poorly thought out missions. He hated having inadequate supplies. If only his hatred was fuel, then he could be sitting front of a raging fire instead of peeling off his gloves and striking a dull flint with numb fingers to try to start a blaze so they didn’t die. Most of all, he hated that Jyn was stuck in this mess with him, that he hadn’t asked to have this one reassigned to Bodhi so at least he would know she was safe back at the base. Instead, she was hurling crates against the frozen wall to try to generate enough fire wood to last them through the night, however long that was on this forsaken planet.

Finally, his flint sparked, catching the only bundle of fire starter they had (though they were assured there would be supplies waiting for them), and he was careful to breathe more oxygen into it to keep it alive (so it could keep them alive). He was thankful for the low light, and prayed it would mask some of the panic that was written on his face. His brow set heavy over his eyes that looked like burnt out coals in the dim orange glow. Jyn carefully added splintered pieces in to the growing flames, making sure the catch the ends before setting the boards down in the small rock pit. Neither of them spoke a word as they assessed their resources, each doing mental math and fudging the numbers to not come up short. They both had rations in their bags. They had small sleeping bags and a few extra pairs of clothes. They had plenty of munitions and a dead radio. And they had a hell of a lot of fight in them.

They went over the plan a dozen times to leave at dawn and make their way back to the ship, to cling to luck and take every chance they could to get their comms up and running, to get a signal out to anyone, to not freeze to death alone here.

They ate their rations with chattering teeth, shoulder to shoulder by the fire, adding more wood every few minutes. Warmth was their lifeline right now.

“I’m sorry,” Cass said softly.

“What for? This isn’t your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have let you come. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Since when do you decide what missions I should take,” Jyn said defiantly.

“I won’t forgive myself if something happens to you!” he snapped.

She sat quietly.

“Don’t you understand,” his voice came out a hoarse whisper, “I can’t lose you, Jyn. If I have to try to sleep at night with more blood on my hands, I,” he stopped himself.

Her hand found his and gave it a squeeze, and though their hands were separated by two thick pairs of gloves, it sent warmth up his arm and into his core.

“Stop talking like we’ve already lost,” she said with one more squeeze, and laid her head on his shoulder.

Something about being on death’s doorstep emboldened Cassian. It was harder for him to wear his heart on his sleeve in the light of day, more high stakes to do it when all the scars and cracks could be easily traced. But right now, they could barely see their breath in front of him, so he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, with cracked lips so cold they were a ghastly shade of blue. It was chaste and full of promise that they would see the other side of this dark night.

Jyn closed her eyes and reveled in it. If only he knew how much trust she placed in his leadership, the wit of his mind and the strength of his back. Against all logic, they shouldn’t make it out of this alive, but logic didn’t always account for Captain Cassian Andor.

“You should get some sleep. I’ll keep an eye on the fire,” he said softly into her hair.

Jyn nodded and peeled herself from his side, already missing his warmth as she reached for their bed rolls, passing one back to Cassian. The thin quilted fabric didn’t do much to shield her from the cold stone of the cave floor, but she hoped that settling close to the fire might keep her warm enough to doze off at least for a few hours. Chills danced down her spine as she tried to settle, and she hated herself for trembling so badly, for driving more guilt into his already heavy heart as he sat there helpless to her suffering. She cinched her jaw tight as she willed herself to bear it, steely eyes set on the yellow flames licking in front of her, until she felt something shift behind her, and a pair of arms pulled her tight to his chest. Cassian buried his face in her hair and wrapped his frame around her. His touched stilled her in more ways than one, and Jyn swallowed hard, trying not think about how, even now, their bodies fit together effortlessly, how his devotion renewed her own strength. The fraying threads of her soul pulled back inwards on themselves, weaving back together tighter than ever before and befuddling the fates who sat poised to snap it once and for all.

“I’ve got you,” his voice came out shaky, but strong nonetheless.

And she knew he meant it.

[actual-changeling]

a small prospect edit for @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel

song is amsterdam by gregory alan isakov

[orangechickenpillow]

Ezra and Cee - 'Are You Sure' by Alvarius B.

For my lovely @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel ily <3

[channelrat]

tagged by @mollyhale tysm i love tag games 💌💌💌

rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people 🎶

"good guy” - Against The Current

Cool About It - boygenius

I Know The End - Phoebe Bridgers

Favourite Person - Peach PRC

Take on Me - Ashley Johnson

That’s Not How This Works - Charlie Puth (Sabrina’s version)

Where do we go now? - Gracie Abrams

opposite - Sabrina Carpenter

Never Let Me Down Again - Jessica Mazin

Dear Inner Child - Peach PRC

tagging (with zero pressure)

@dilf-din @swiftermidnights @sockos @piss-shark-official @heyitsphoenixx @ellie-licious @from-hecks-heart-i-stabbeth-thee @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel @leathermouthlives @firefly464

[autumnwoodsdreamer]

Find Five Lines Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @queeenpersephone 💛

Rules: find any lines in your WIP or fics that fit each parameter given by the person who tagged you. Then change one of the parameters and tag five or more people.

My lines: a line about desire, a line expressing grief, a line expressing pain, a line expressing anger, a line that makes you incredibly happy

Desire…

The smile splintered and she bowed her head low, holding herself tighter, breath shuddering.

“I haven’t met another Mandalorian since the Purge,” she admitted, corners of her mouth pulling in pain she could hide but never heal. “Tell you the truth, I’ve been keeping away. But then you came along and I—I thought I could help you find the tribe. I thought it would fix everything if I could just see them, our people, alive and well… I just… I wanted to go home.”

—from chapter 42 of “Anchors”

Grief…

With no conscious intent, he grabbed the empty carry bag and bunched it up near his head as he laid himself down. There would be no little body curled up in the makeshift nest tonight, no false snores covering a plot to sneak closer, no need to adjust his head to make a perfect sleeping nook between his neck and shoulder... no sense of warmth and contentment as the little one found his greatest safety with his guardian.

Furled up on his less injured side, pain throbbing in an ugly, undefined mass from his head to the soles of his feet, he hardly adjusted his position before he lost all strength to care.

Feeling adrift and unanchored, he fell asleep in a bed not his, in a ship not his, clutching onto broken pieces of his family.

—from chapter 3 of “Head Above Water”

Pain…

He took a few breaths, deepening them and then holding. Planting his hands on the floor, he pushed, and he succeeded, he lifted his head and torso and—

And pain ripped through him: shooting in through his side and flashing outwards in cold flames.

His body reacted to the self-inflicted assault, forcing him back down and arching rigidly, weakly, trying to get away from the pain. He made some involuntary noise, a choked off cry, and the hands were back: catching him, steadying him, holding him down.

—from chapter 5 of “Echoes”

Anger…

“You’d be okay. You know that, right? Someone would take care of you. Sabine or Cara or… someone. We’ve got plenty of friends; good people who do… who would make sure you’re looked after if I—”

Snapping towards him, Grogu made a sharp, shrill noise, cutting him off right there.

“What? You don’t believe me?”

The big watery eyes narrowed with intense meaning.

“You… don’t want to go with them?”

The way the kid just glared at him told him he had hopelessly missed the mark. When he didn’t offer any more interpretations just a lifted brow and a confused shake of the head, the little one let out an almighty sigh and rolled his eyes.

—from chapter 19 of “Anchors”

A line that makes me happy…

“Dank farrick, you’re dramatic,” Dinar mumbled but Ezra caught his little laugh and decided, quietly, privately, that his new mission in life was to pull that laugh from his brother at any opportunity.

—from the as-of-yet-unfinished chapter 32 of “The Lighthouse Keeper”

. . . . .

No pressure tags: @the-kittylorian-writes @seleneisrising @sytortuga @desertbeskar @sotvtaughtmehowtofeel (of course anyone is welcome to join in! Just go right ahead!)

And your lines are: a line about desire, a line expressing grief, a line expressing pain, a line that makes you incredibly happy, a line expressing acceptance