#spectacular perspective like actually this is so fucking cool

[mysterycitrus]

Thinking about Jim, do you think he also gets this good cop good father protection because of Barbara Gordon's admiration of him? Reading it from Barbara's perspective like all her stories have Jim Gordon as the best dad and her wanting to be a cop or as a child being the gcpd little cheerleader. Like trying to tie that with her role as Oracle but then even thinking of like The Hill where Jim shot and killed a teenager and his response to the mother was that the kid was armed like... it is hard to think that she would have that blind admiration of him. I also think she is more willing to work with morally questionable characters since she has a history of working with those types of characters. What do you think DC needs to do with Barbara Gordon to get actual interest in her again?

the solution for babs is simple — she needs to be oracle again.

no ifs whens or buts — babs being batgirl again is such a spectacular downgrade from her time as oracle it’s almost unreal. babs as a character, her growth after being shot, her rediscovery and pursuit of her own autonomy, her vindictiveness, her need for control, her relationships with the birds and wendy and cass and steph, make her an infinitely richer and more interesting character than when she wears the cowl. that’s even ignoring the ableist rhetoric behind her “reclaiming” her power by getting an implant and leaving her chair, which like, vom, because it’s a whole other can of worms.

unlike batwoman where there’s a completely different identity and mantle that’s seperate from bruce, batgirl is unequivocally the subordinate to batman. the girl denotes her lack of authority. cass and helena come the closest to shaking this off, but it’s still a very deliberate character dynamic that dc upholds. batgirl 2009 also successfully orients the mantle around babs and steph, but a large part of that is that bruce isn’t present in the story.

babs was at least two years older than dick in the original canon. she was a librarian who had a life outside of the community. she was a support for other disabled women. she’d tell bruce to shut the fuck up to his face. she was singularly the most important resource to the league and all other hero teams. she was a complicated person with a lot of trauma, not the cool girlfriend archetype. i also dislike that she’s dating dick while he’s nightwing and she’s still batgirl. imagine if they made dick robin again and had him date babs as oracle. it’d be so weird!

wrt jim gordon— a lot of babs’s unequivocal support of him comes from dc’s general inability to admit that he’s a deeply flawed human being in a position of power. the narrative rarely actually criticises him over his decisions. however, i also think people forget that like…. a lot of babs’s politics is tied up with the police. she’s essentially a one woman surveillance state, and she historically struggles with boundaries around the people she loves. she does work with people that the other bats wouldn’t — isley, waller, etc, but i don’t think that necessarily separates her from the police because often the police or armed forces do the same thing. her modus operandi is also very similar to bruce in a lot of ways too.

in saying that tho, i do appreciate that she’s willing to just say fuck it, full throttle and getting a god damned law degree to bust bruce out of a murder charge. she’s an icon. let her be cunty again!!

[itsdappleagain]

Arguably one of the strongest character building episodes in the entire series, The Daisho Caper is fantastically unique in its motivations, gorgeous scenery and animation, and subversion of expectations. I’m so ready for this unique and spectacular episode. LET’S GET IT GOING!!!!

(and yes. im mega late. working on it. notes under the cut as always!)

I love this infodump section so much. It’s really beautiful and super unique in that it starts the episode and also happens in a flashback (almost everything about this episode is unique?? From singing to a rejected redemption arc there are lots of things in this episode that never happen again

LIL BABY CARMEN

AWWW WAIT CARMEN ASKS IF HE CAN TAKE HER TO JAPAN AND YEARS LATER HE GETS TO. DAD MOMENT

And you can see how shadow-san distances himself from her as she gets older

Sleepy carmen <333

Sleepy EVERYONE

SHADOWLOLADLOWLEHEE HOO

That ironic little “heh” carmen does is so. Yeah i dont know i love it

Man hideo got SUMMONED she put one finger on the glass and he teleported

HOW ABOUT SORRY, CARMEN

Hideo is honestly so perceptive he would kill it in miraculous ladybug /j okay but seriously he’s already noticed what she knows and he even recognizes her when. Literally not even the law enforcement agency dedicated to catching her could at one point

“Dark forces” checks out, seeing as shadow-san basically means mr. shadow

I love when they get bitchy with each other

Also HI the animation is SOO PRETTY THIS EPISODE

More than a feeling by boston. Its by boston you guys do you get it its by boston

Also this karaoke scene SLAPS

Not zack pulling down shadowsan’s clothing. Yas bitch show a little slutty shoulder

THEYRE HAVING SO MUCH FUN <333

Zack and ivy: thank you thank you!!!!

Carmen and Shadowsan: okay well now that theyve shut the fuck up we can continue talking i guess

MAN HE SAID SPIES AND ASSASSINS AND HE’S REMEMBERING DEXTER…SPYING AND ASSASSINATION WAS WHAT HE WAS THERE FOR AND HE HAS TO CONFRONT IT NOW

HE CAN’T REALLY BECOME A SAMURAI IN THE EYES OF HIMSELF AND HIS BROTHER UNTIL HE CONFRONTS THAT PIECE OF HIS PAST AND LEARNS TO GROW FROM IT WITH CARMEN. MAN THIS EPISODE

PAPER STAR <333

Wait dokuso says “i called you here” do senior operatives have some caper perms? Can dokuso contact the faculty and be like HEY can i borrow paper star

Not quite sure what the little maneuver in the air was supposed to help avoid because it did. Nothing

HNNG okay i’ve dumped on jo’s DMs about this shot but its SO pretty

Follows the rule of thirds line, the gorgeous lighting, paper star framed in the moon, the perspective and use of space, the petals blowing in the wind, glowing in the light. ACTUAL LITERAL ART

Rip deleted scene where paper star says “sheep dont fly” the first time ig 

Season two and those slide-under-projectile shots

Carmen and chucking painful building materials at evil gay women this season

Carmen loves that little flip over the shoulder move

Also I LOVE that you can just watch Carmen figure out who Suhara is immediately its cool

whats up with the dirt on his face

SO BEGINS THE VILE FACULTY SAGA honestly such a fun plot point from this season they'll literally try out anyone

GOD the bridge and the cherry blossoms and the water have I mentioned how gorgeous this episode is

there's always more to the story with shadowsan

also mmm i love. i love that carmen isnt quite certain, so she says "suhara" very quietly. she's testing it out, and the look on shadowsan's face is all she needs to figure out that she's right

just another little tiny clue that shadowsan knows more than he lets on about her past. why would he be guilty about simply not knowing where she came from? if his cover story was true, he would if anything be carmen's savior from a terrible death or being picked up by some random people or something. just. god really good.

SHADOWSAN IS SO TALL NEXT TO HER SJDGDHS

god that transition with the cherry blossoms was good

i feel so bad for hideo he didn't deserve shadowsangst

btw i want to see a spinoff with the faculty/shadow-san's school and early crime days

man the confrontation scene is so raw. hideo is shaking, holding that sword, but he is fucking ready to fight his brother about keeping the sword. man its good

appreciate the scenery

that reveal of the shot being a puddle is also so good this episode is literally art

i love rewatching this episode for the little details- the camera always stopping before ivy's face, the swords discreetly disappearing as the cart goes by. you don't even notice the first time

i know they kill people and stuff but the hoodlums are kinda sweet. yess kings sing that karaoke

i wonder if the elvis song was a nod to the elvis episode they wanted to do with shadowsan (duane said they had to scrap it and im SOOO MAD)

ivy and zack must just have full charisma stats bc i dont know how they keep getting away with blending in literally everywhere. maam thats a white bitch in a wig

i love the three of them immediately sweating their balls off when shadowsan grabs the sword

EVEN THE IMPACT FRAMES ARE COOL

btw the tattoos in this episode are cool i wish more non yakuza members had them

that app on carmen's phone is a gaydar

how long was paper star just sitting in the packaging just going "ooghhh yeah im like a fucking jack in the box im gonna scare her so bad ooogh"

i love the kitty fans

not sure what carmen was going to do with the fans anyway seeing as she doesnt know how to use them as a weapons but whatever

oh nevermind she. i guess does

i love howw carmen just like. rides paper star

girlie has to stop strapping shit to her back it does not work

another one of my favorite shots in the show the lighting is sooo beautiful

i also like how carmen is looking down, not trying to shake her off, reaching a hand down- she doesn't want paper star to fall to her death, obviously

i was like damn how did that little fall knock both of them out cold but paper star LANDED ON HER NECK

PARTIES OVER ELVIS IS GONE

i love the very minimal music when dokuso and shadowsan are fighting its cool

get poisoned

i think they reused the shadowsan poisoned groaning sound twice in a row

anyway also a nice shot here

it seriously looks like paper star was just lying there and as soon as she heard carmen get up she was like oh chill nap time is over

that climbing the ladder animation was so slick

so wait. they predicted? that paper star would not only be hidden in the sword room but latch onto carmen's ankle and follow her all the way up to that roof. so they could glue her

kill kill kill

the anime glasses on dokuso are awesome

out of context it looks like carmen just murdered shadowsan in a swordfight

god the empty room. and then you pan down and shadowsan is kneeling. good shit

MAN what a fantastic scene. he does exactly what shadowsan asks him to- does not forgive him, because he does not yet see a reason to. but he allows him to correct that mistake. what . god what a good rejection of a redemption shadowsan HASN'T redeemed himself (fully) yet it just makes sense

mmm when he appears from behind her and her spidey senses go off. its good shit

just that emotion on her face. she's sympathetic that his brother didn't accept him back, but happy that he'll still go with them on their journey.

now, this is the only time we get a voiceover from carmen (other than when she's talking to crackle in the pilot) and its such a stark choice. like the only time we ever really get an inner monologue from carmen that lets us know how she feels about it

everything about this episode is just so fantastic and different! cs thrives when it dives into character motivations...but it just doesn't do that very much. there are so many unique choices in the episode- from the untraditional infodump scene to the music to the gorgeous animation/lighting to the voiceover to the rejected redemption scene to the hints at shadowsan's true past with carmen...i could keep going on and on about it forever, but I won't. you've seen the episode. its just. argh. its so good

okay that's all from me. hopefully I can get the rest of my cs weeklies out sooner rather than later- im almost done with finals!!

[raccooninthedaytime]

please DO give us a list about why we should watch Die Hard

OK COOL YES WILL DO!

This movie changed the fact of action movies forever!! Ask anyone who knows anything about film history— it was groundbreaking. It basically set the formula for action films for DECADES to come

It was the first action movie to have the entirety of the conflict/plot take place in one area/building (so its basically a movie-length bottle episode which is SPECTACULAR)

John McClane is FUNNY. Like not overdone quippy action star funny. His dialogue is so damn genuine and actually hilarious

Speaking of: if I remember correctly, because of time crunches the script for this movie was written more or less as they shot?? Which is insane for a blockbuster and even more insane because of HOW good it is.

And he’s not a passive protag either!! Things don’t happen to him in this movie, HE happens! It’s SO refreshing to see an action movie where the protagonist actively chooses to move the plot along.

Be ready to have an emotional attachment to like, every character. It’s kind of insane how well written they are (Except maybe ellis. He sucks)

More than that, it’s a Masterclass in acting from Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman. Like really fucking good. Oscar worthy

Hans gruber is such a fucking good villain. Not only does he have really relatable motives compared to the world domination of, say, bond villains, he’s just got SUCH an interesting was of improvising when he needs to. Watch the movie, but my FAVORITE SCENE EVER is the one where he puts on an American accent. You’ll know it and you’ll LOVE it when you see it

Any explosions filmed from the outside of the building (+ helicopter scenes!!) were filmed with SCALE MODELS!!! And you can BARELY TELL but its SO COOL AND REALLY GOOD

It’s so damn well paced. Like it’s legitimately so exciting to watch and it never feels too slow or too overcomplicated

The emotional arc of the story is SO important?? And really well done? Like it’s not all about the explosions and stunts its about FAMILY

Its on my list of hyper masculine movies that are actually really good and well made if you’re not watching them with a cishet man

Its also on my list of hyper masculine movies that are actually gay romcoms if you squint (i mean this scene they’re fully flirting like zero subtext it’s embarrassing)

And my favorite little bit of trivia:

Bruce willis, before becoming the action star we know and love, was in this really soapy romcom tv show called Moonlighting. he was cast in Die Hard the execs were so worried that he wouldn’t be able to pull it off because he had this image of being a romantic lead. To put it in perspective it’s like if noah centineo was cast in a big blockbuster action flick next year. It’s insane and shows JUST how dang talented Bruce is.

Go watch die hard this Christmas. Or whenever. It doesn’t matter just watch it

[fktonofwhatnow]

The Rhys/Tamlin 180 in ACOMAF makes me mad! Like there’s wasted potential there, even if Rhys is endgame. The concept of after the happily ever after is actually pretty cool. There’s real potential in looking at how Tamlin and Feyre deal with the trauma of Amarantha. Having two people realized they’re not right together while still respecting each other is a more adult take than “surprise, Tamlin sux now”, and allows for Feyre to actually make real choices and grow. What's your ACOMAF rewrite?

Damn YALL ARE SPOILING ME WITH THE TAMLIN ASKS ☺️☺️ thank youuu for the ask @havenfable

THIS IS AGREAT POINT TOO WAIT WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT ALLOWING FEYRE TO ACTUALLY MAKE REAL DECISIONS !! YOUR BRAIN !! you guys are spectacular eat a cookie you have earned it 

Ok my thoughts are not quite coherent rn so I’ll try to make sense. I’ve tried writing this like 4 times and every time it just doesn’t work so bear with me here thank you I love you ok here we go. 

Ok I’m gonna start by saying that there is something to be said about Feyre as the narrator and her being an “unreliable” narrator of sorts. The story is about her, told from her perspective. I don’t expect her to have objective views of what happens around her. one thing I found interesting was that she said in conversations with people that she knew Tamlin was struggling, but when we would be listening to her internal monologue, when she thought of him it was mostly to blame him for not knowing she was struggling. (or if he did know, he didn't do anything about it) So like, same thing with the whole thing with Rhysand's mom and sister, we don't know what Tamlin thinks or feels about the situation because he doesn't talk about it and Feyre never asks. (But oh DAMN Sarah should not have given me room to speculate.) Like, UTM broke Feyre right, she tells us that much. Why are we not allowed to believe that it destroyed Tamlin too.

Here we are again, just like with Rhysand's family. I don't blame Feyre for literally needing help, and I do blame Tamlin for not helping her, but to a degree. I hated how the whole situation was handled like Tamlin was shit for not trying to help Feyre (even tho he was, just not in the way she needed), but then Feyre literally not lifting a single finger to try to help Tamlin is ok because he's a man and he can just suck it up and take it. ???? No ? That's not how we handle trauma? Like, my homeboy is fighting a losing battle against this shit and he's the one who's gotta fix everything for Feyre?

But like you said, just a tiny little bit of helpful communication would have done wonders. How about a lil, "hey you ok?" ???? LETS TALK ABOUT IT! Let's talk about how we're falling out of love, let's talk about what Tamlin experienced under the mountain, let's talk about what Feyre experienced under the mountain, let's talk about how maybe we were never good for each other and how we move on with our lives from that! POTENTIAL !! LETS HAVE THEM GROW "Surprise! Tamlin sucks now!" bitch how. Literally how. How did this happen. How did we get here. Tell me. I want to know SJm. Stop being a coward and tell me. You know what, I'll do it for you.

Damn this is about to be super duper long I'm so sorry. 

Alrighty guys once again, I love Tamlin with my whole chest, but I do put a hefty chunk of this on him. From what SJm tells us about Tamlin, he is a fearful individual. His responses to fear are either to freeze or to explode. Both extremes hurt people around him. His actions hurt people, and his lack of action hurts people. Also, for as often as he says the word sorry, he doesn't really show any signs of change or improvement. While I understand that yes , changing your behavior is hard, especially if you're not getting help and don't know how, Tamlin still could have tried a little more, pushed just a little harder, and yes, he could have been better.

But Tamlin is scared. He's scared of things outside of his control, he's scared of change, he's scared of people he loves leaving him or getting hurt. I'm willing to bet he's scared of himself, and rightfully so. He lashes out and it only ever hurts people. I can't believe he's blind to it. When he destroys the study, he's clearly afraid he hurt Feyre.

(i think I’m gonna do my acomaf rewrite headcanons in a different post, every time I try to write them here it doesn’t flow oooof lemme know if thats something you want ahahah I could talk about this shit forever) 

And like, being subject to someone else's fear is stifling. I don't blame Feyre for getting the hell out of there.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I know I've said this before: in my opinion, Tamlin has the best depiction of trauma in the whole fucking series. PTSD is a bitch and Tamlin is losing to it. The thing I loathed about acomaf/the beginning of Acowar is how Tamlin isn't given help and then treated like an absolute asshole for it. SJm could have done so much if she had Tamlin learn to ask for help. We can't all just have a Rhysand who knows every thought we have. Sometimes we have to ask for help, as much as we don't want to. That would have done wonders for Tamlin's character arc. And I think that he should have leaned heavily on Lucien for that.

Now look, Lucien deserves a lifetime of free chiropractor visits to relieve the soreness from carrying the entire series solely by himself on his own back. If I'm the one to pay for that for him, so be it. I would do anything for this man.

Lucien deserved so much better than to be bulldozed by the narrative. I refuse to believe that he would let Tamlin use him as a doormat. Lucien deserved to tell Tamlin off on his behavior ok. Lucien deserved a fucking backbone that he had all of acotar and then SJm decided that he was the character who got to suffer for the decisions of every other characters so they didn't have to. Stupid. (At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Rhysand's cum from having sky sex with Feyre fell directly on Luciens face. That's how much SJm likes pummelling him)

Lucien deserves to be strong and tough and emotionally available, especially for Tamlin. I don't think he deserves to be abused by his best friend. I've read fics that make Tamlin like this jackass who's not sad at all that Amarantha forced him to whip his best friend. Are you fucking kidding me. I feel like if Tamlin was going to cling like hell to someone through all of the shit before, during and after UTM, it should be lucien. But no SJm needs us to know Tamlin is a bad guy now. He hurts everyone with no remorse!!! What a villain!!! That was a sin.

Acomaf deserved to be two people talking about how maybe this relationship wasn't going to work out. This book deserved to be Tamlin getting up the courage to as Lucien for help. This book deserved to be Lucien always telling Tamlin that he would be there for him and us getting to watch the two of them overcoming their hardships together. This book deserved to be Feyre choosing her own path, choosing her own family, choosing to live her life as she wanted.

But nah. Rhysand's got a fat cock and uhhh y'all need to like it more than y'all like Tamlin's dick. Also Rhysand is a feminsisist. So suck it.

(If this book was really about giving Feyre a choice, SJm would let her make actual decisions that actually impacted herself and the story instead of just having Rhysand give her two extremes with one of them being obviously the right choice and then tell her whatever she wanted to do was her choice. Feminism.)

Did any of that make any sense. Any at all. No? Yeah I didn't think so anyways I've spent like a week on this I'm tired and I wanted to get it out there. Acomaf was a mess but at least it wasn't Acowar hahahahaha

[andypantsx3]

#2 (cont): Your fics have seen me through some particularly hard times. I was just wondering how you've managed to become (seemingly) optimistic, kind and just a good person. Maybe that's just how you are but it seems like it was a process of some kind. I just want to be able to withstand everything life throws my way and you seem to be doing that well or at least better than I am. I'm sorry if this is overstepping at all and I realise that this probably would have worked better in a message

Hey hey!! Responding to your second message instead of your first like you asked.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with hard times right now, my love!! I know things will get better for you, but I hope they get better so quickly it gives you whiplash!! I'm happy my fics have been able to help a little, and I hope in the meantime you are taking very good care of yourself. 

This one is an interesting question! First of all, I want to say that everyone processes things super differently and that is completely fine. It would be super fucked up to be completely cool in the face of so much hardship–it’s normal you’re having a hard time, and it’s okay to feel the full range of things you need to! Otherwise you’re just repressing, and that is not good for you or anyone around you.

And I want to make it clear that feeling despair the way you are–that doesn’t mean you’re not kind, optimistic in general, or a good person. It just means you’re a normal person, having normal emotions about stuff that would be hard for anyone normal to handle!! I really think you should go easier on yourself and recognize that it’s okay for you to process things the best way you know how to right now.

I’m glad it looks like I might know what I’m doing, and that I’m navigating things with some kind of aplomb lol. I am actually a very salty bean by nature, kind of reactive and petty and pessimistic at my core. I’ve just spent a fair amount of time getting my ass handed to me by life lol, and so I think I’ve been able to gain perspective on a couple of important things about the process.

I’ve said somewhere before that I think any process–including life itself–is a series of peaks and valleys, and that you will always invariably find yourself back at a low point at some time. As I said, I’ve spent a fair amount of time in valleys–in terms of abusive family dynamics, self-esteem issues, rejections from schools, rejections from jobs, a spectacular dumping from my ex-bf of six years, the recent death of a family member, etc etc–and honestly I think having experienced so many ups and downs has given me perspective on just how wiggly and wavy life truly is lol.

So one thing that is comforting, to me at least, is understanding that while you’re in a valley, that means a peak is coming up! You’re not going to be stuck at the low point forever, you will be ready and/or able to climb out at some point. For you–you mentioned some rejections–it might just mean getting completely flat out rejected overall, from every place–and then getting up and starting the process over! 

And there are tools to help you start climbing out. One thing that I found helpful to start doing when I was getting rejected from jobs was to email back and ask more about which qualifications I fell short on, where they’d recommend improvements and what kind of specific experiences they were hoping for. Not everyone will answer you because it’s kind of a fraught question to be asking–but some places did say like, “oh we were hoping for a background in X software,” or “oh when we tested your ling background, we were hoping for more advanced knowledge in phonology–you bombed these two questions.” And so then I would know like which things needed some work before I tried again. It sucks to hear, obviously, but when you’ve already failed, you’ve already failed, in my opinion. And there’s nowhere left to go but up—might as well get informed and make changes to kickstart the going up lol.

And while you’re in the valley itself, waiting to be able to climb out–there’s stuff you can be doing to make things more comfortable for you there. Learn what kind of things make you feel better or distract you when you’re in your low points, and use those as tools whenever you’re in a valley! Watch your fave comfort show, or vent to a trusted friend, clean a bunch of stuff if that makes you feel good and productive, go for a run (this is mine lol) to work off some of those emotions. Use every tool you have at your disposal to make things easier for yourself and treat yourself very kindly, the way you would a friend in that situation. Because you’re a person, too. And you deserve to be loved and listened to and taken care of.

So that’s my advice, and I hope it’s a little helpful!! I know you’ve totally got this, I just hope you are being gentle with yourself during the time when you need it the most. 💕💖

(Also, one sidebar because I sometimes think of life in terms of like, literary parallels lol. There’s a reason I identify with Bakugou most strongly in BNHA. He was a shitty little boy with a shitty little attitude, who had some very major shortcomings, and whose personal failings led to his downfall; he got kidnapped by the LOV because they thought he was unstable, he bombed the licensing exam, he saw people he respected lose a lot in their efforts to protect him, and he generally got his ass served to him on a silver platter during his time at UA, recognizing all the ways that he was not accelerating at the same rate as his peers.

And hitting those low points were essential for his character development. He took that feedback, and actively worked on improving himself in the areas where he fell short–and started climbing back up. He reshaped his mindset when it came to heroic priorities, he apologized to Deku for the things he did, he even started acknowledging and trying to help emotionally support his classmates. And do you know what? That shitty little bad attitude asshole is like the most beloved character in the whole series, including Deku, the actual main character lol. He's like the most beloved character in anime overall, right now. And he’s also clearly #1 in Horikoshi's heart too lol, but that's another thing.

The point here is that it’s okay to hit low points, even holes you’ve dug for yourself–you just get back up and adjust and come out even better than before. And you can be more at ease with things, and the people who love you will recognize and respect you for it.)

[kingofthewilderwest]

Okay I almost reblogged something onto another’s post before trying to chill. And decided instead to write my own post.

I feel like there’s these internal expectations on tumblr of how bloggers think, especially in regards to how they interact with creative material. To take two examples, there’s expectations that people listen to music while imagining stories in their heads, like an in-brain AMV or soundtrack. And there’s expectations people will reside deeply in the fanfiction world, especially if the fanfiction world is a means of making the fiction “better.”

But I really dislike this presumptive mentality. Especially when it gets into phraseology like, “Can you BELIEVE other people don’t DO this???” As if those people live boring, lame, uninspired but bizarrely and incomprehensibly milquetoast lives.

It assumes that we all think the same on this site. And it assumes that people on tumblr are one thing, and the people apart of tumblr “Those Weird Others.” But I usually fall into the group that people are gawking about in their posts. Why must I be treated as someone boring? As some anomalous Other? As if we’re not RIGHT HERE reading it, instead of some far distant land. We’re all are RIGHT HERE too and are a genuine, valid, not at all boring part of this website’s culture. And we’re prevalent!

That’s right. I don’t listen to music and imagine anything going along at the same time. What of it? You think that makes me a weird boring normal person? You think that makes me uncreative? I’ve composed music like it’s part of my DNA (that’s one of my college degrees yo), I’ve written original stories since I was a toddler, I play several dozen instruments, I’ve done cosplay, I draw with a variety of media, I’ve done video editing, I’ve done gif making, I’ve done Photoshopping, I’m a worldbuilder, I’m an intensive conlanger. And I don’t listen to music and imagine an AMV. You know what? It’s exactly BECAUSE I am a creative. To imagine anything more than the notes would be to take away from the enriching audio experience itself.

The music is SUFFICIENT. Not just that. The audio stimulus is overwhelmingly, enjoyably intricate. The audio stimulus is enough to overflow my entire mind. I love the interplay of foreground and background and midground, the uniqueness of the instruments blending, the timbre of voices and instruments combining, the affect of chords changing. To my perspective, I could easily say YOU ALL are “missing out” because you need something else to make music sufficient... you’re making music the background to something else... you’re living in a world where music must be part of other stimulus in order for it to be meaningful instead of comprehending of it as a singular, spectacular EVENT... but I’m not going to go out and be like, “Oh, those weird people. Are there actually people who listen to music and imagine stories in their head at the same time? Lol, they’re so deprived. So weird wtf.” No! NO NO NO NO. Because I’m not going to “other” you, I’m not going to act like you aren’t part of this culture, and I’m not going to sit on this website expecting everyone has the same experience with art that I do.

You’re not!!! uncreative!!! for how you participate with art! You do you! And I am not!!! a tumblr anomaly! I’m not some some fucking “Weird Boring Normal Uncreative Lame Person Who Doesn’t Use Tumblr”!

I don’t like fanfiction. I don’t. I actually don’t. I celebrate people who write fanfiction, read fanfiction, dream of fanfiction. You guys are AWESOME. Because it’s your way of participating in a community and interacting with stories that inspire you. I’ll always scream in support of your very important contributions! But just because I don’t get into fanfiction doesn’t mean I am not interacting meaningfully and creatively with media. There’s people who will write meta or archive material or collect merch or draw fanart or have great discussions or make costumes or just vibe in fandom culture, whether peripherally or deeply. And that’s!!! NORMAL. HERE. On tumblr! It’s not bizarre to this internet space!

Not everyone uses fanfiction as a means of “I reject stupid canon and substitute it with my own”.

Not everyone finds fanfiction an entertaining way to engage in fandom culture.

Not everyone listens to music as a means of relating to fandom.

And fuck, even if I had identified as some weird boring normal person, that’s an acceptable way to live too, ain’t it?

I know this is such, such, such a small and unimportant issue. I’m picking on something that’s no big deal. But I guess I’ll get a pet peeve out this once???

Please, quit assuming everyone on this goddamned site has the exact same psychology you do and that people who don’t have your psychology are fucking Others.

This also goes for expecting everyone is a neurodivergent here and that neurotypicals are part of the Distant Others. I am not neurotypical myself, but I am tired of everyone thinking everyone’s got the same experience and background and mindset on this site. Quit assuming????

We’re all here, we’re all part of a community, we all make the community colorful, we all have cool brains, and it’s more fun to enjoy the diversity of fandom experiences than it is to assume everyone’s likeminded.

[eframschweigersskincells]

So, Return to Hell was an absolute rollercoaster of emotions and I couldn't have asked for a better ending to the season three dlc missions.

SPOILER WARNING BY THE WAY!

Holy shit was this season a wild ride and with an absolute banger of an ending all I can say is well done rebellion you pulled it out the bag and held it high, I was so happy with everything and just my god its really hard to put down everything I'm so enthralled I can barely think straight.

I remember when the trailer dropped and I was so overcome with both excitement and sadness at seeing what the dlc entailed, I was so happy to see schweiger alive but devastated to see what was happening to him and originally I thought we were going to sacrifice him to help Umbra which terrified me, thank fuck I was wrong I dont think I could handle hurting my boy.

The intro was excellent, it really felt like distressing and that this was truly a moment of despair the way bruno spoke of it was absolutely amazing and I couldn't wait to get stick in. And when it finally gave way to the gameplay the opening area was absolutely stunning!

The way it's so familiar yet so foreign, like I'd seen it before but it had been so twisted that it was unrecognisable, lava around every corner and debris floating as if frozen in time the ground and walls cracked and crumbling and the fiery hues made this a fantastic yet haunting sight I hadn't even begun playing and I already fell in love with it.

When I finally moved on and the Baron began his tirade about the state of hell and how it was shaped and molded to fit the subconscious mind of schweiger I was shocked and saddened, to think that this was schweiger's fractured mind was frightening, all his guilt, fear, anger, confusion, sadness became reality and hell took its horrifying form filled with endless undead. I also found it really cool to see events play out from schweiger's perspective, meat locker, hell base and terror lab all playing out in schweiger's memories allowing us a glimpse in to everything that happened to him. He was betrayed so many times, I don't blame him at all for turning on us in deeper than hell, the amount of cruelty he suffered would drive anyone insane.

Being captured and forced to research the occult without any understanding of why, being tricked in to activating the relic allowing hitler to activate plan Z, working your hardest to try and make the world right then have your team infiltrated by nazi bastards who push you in to a hell tower and forcefully tear you from this plane of existence and left to rot in hell. Just when you think you can finally escape you're confronted with the fact you can not leave, only your closest comrades can leaving you in hell against everyone's will, then a voice manipulates you in to believing you were betrayed by your friends you're lied to and tricked in to believing this voice is your only friend who makes you do horrific rituals.

I remember how horrific I felt hearing this and then when Umbra revealed that he did all of this so he could break schweiger's will so he could steal his body I was filled with rage. Rebellion were amazing at putting emotion in to this one I genuinely went through constant emotional shifts realising that everything we had done up to this point was planned by Umbra and that everything we had done was only to fuel his plans. It was never schweiger's fault it was umbras and that knocked me on my arse.

The gameplay was a lot of fun, one of the best parts was that absolutely everything was randomised! The main sections of the map where always switched around no matter how many times you play it at first I went meat locker, hell base then terror lab then my second time I went hell base, terror lab then meat locker! I was shocked when everything cane out of order but it fits so well with everything! Schweiger's mind is so badly fractured that when hell took form as schweiger's subconscious not even hell itself could keep things in order.

I genuinely adore how the old familiar faces of these maps are destroyed, twisted and corrupted they are what we have seen before but warped till they look like different maps entirely, with so much more to explore in some areas it really gives you a sense of walking through broken memories like piecing together a memory Efram barely has a grip on anymore.

I loved how enemies were randomised too, getting attacked by a screamer around the corner then next time you go there prepared for a screamer you get blown up by suiciders or slaughtered by skeletons or an elite or in my favourite case being attacked by zombie alpha squad members! When zombie me jumped out and attacked I was so confused I didnt have time to respond when zombie jun popped out and killed me it was fucking awesome!

All our favourite enemy variations are here too, vampire creepers, electric suiciders, armored commanders, skeletons etc which really made for a really tough but good fight, never knowing what variation was coming to get you made everything even more fun.

And with the spitters now having a variant that spat magma it made what was usually an annoying inconvenience an actual proper threat and I love that so fucking much, maybe the spitters aren't so horrible after all.

That's a lie I still fucking hate them but oh well!

Once we successfully complete all three areas we now return to the main area with a very pissed off Umbra and schweiger who although conscious is barely alive. As soon as we arrive back to were we began we are immediately attacked and dragged off to an unknown place that we only know as the void as coined by Umbra.

Let me tell you when I say the void is creepy I fucking mean it, the void is of course pitch black you cant see anything not even your flash light does anything to the surrounding darkness, all you see when you spawn is the pitch black and eframs body of a slab surrounded by candles with Umbra looking over us and you really get the the sense of "holy shit, this is it!"

I genuinely adored the design of the void, the fact you only ever see your surroundings when a split second of bright red lighting strikes and even then you only see the faint outline of distant places, walking through the endless river of blood that stops you to a near snail's pace while fending of oncoming dead is genuinely spectacular! Holy fuck did rebellion pull it out the bag this round!

Just when you think you're about to have to do something to the incapacitated schweiger, Edie finally fucking shows up and does something useful for once, breaking schweiger out of his trance and giving him enough power to fend for himself when she realises Umbra has no defences! Thank fuck because now we know how to finally end The Baron and let me tell you I couldn't be happier to get the chance at killing the bastard.

The fights were challenging and had me cornered a few times and I'll admit I died a couple times but it was absolutely worth it, there was so much going on but it wasnt overbearing, with how large the areas you had to fight the hordes in were it made the fucking insane amounts of zombies absolutely balanced, I never felt like it was impossible but never felt it was too easy either just the right balance of insanity. And to make it even better I get to listen to schweiger shit talk the Baron as we help Efram regain strength while weakening Umbra.

Listening to Umbra beg and plead for mercy was great, it really felt like we were overpowering hell itself, no matter what Umbra threw our way it did absolutely nothing and listening to schweiger come to terms with what he's done and immediately work towards redemption by putting down Umbra was heartwarming. We were the winners not Umbra.

Then finally we get to what I've been wanting to do since the beginning of the DLC, after two whole hours I finally got to put an end to the Baron, activating that ending cutscene was so satisfying and I got to put down my controller and watch.

I'll admit I was confused when Umbea sprung back to life and actually attacked, where hitler failed to stop us during hell machine Umbra full pounced, he was going to take us with him and for a second I absolutely believed we were going to die with him, the fuck tries ripping our soul out rendering us absolutely useless. Its schweiger that saves us, pulling us away from Umbra then eviscerating the fuck out of him with ease and with that The Baron himself is dead, finally the tyrant is dead and everything we had worked towards was finally put to rest.

Just before that scene ends, we see schweiger smile! He's actually happy for once, free from Umbras grip, he's faced his fears and insecurities and in the end was the one who saved us and destroyed The Baron. To see him smile was one of the greatest things ever and I'm so glad we finally got to see that.

In last few moments of the ending, we wake up on the side of a cliff with Dr schweiger by our side and as the camera zooms out we see nothing but an endless sea of lava and I'm left thinking.

What the fuck is Projekt Ragnarok?

[empty-dream]

Just watched and read Tower of God

Aka Tower of Scandal

There is a so-called The Tower that can grant anything to anyone who ever set foot on its top. Among people climbing it is a girl who wishes to see the stars and a boy who has nothing but her.

When I saw the original author's name in the anime, I was like "Hm, cool but does it stand for anything tho?" When I found out, it's "Oh. No wonder they use the shortened version."

Imma make a general opinion here. See the reblog for Webtoon Season 2 and 3 as well as the deeper stuffs. (Although it's just gibberish in it)

The Webtoon is still ongoing, right now already hitting 3 seasons with 450+ episodes (chapters). Good lord that's a lot of chapters, and each of them is pretty long. 

To put it in perspective, one chapter can fit 2 separate fights plus exposition, while usually 1 chapter of standard weekly manga has like 1 fight and side exposition. It took me a full week to read the webtoon and that already cut a lot of my sleep time.

One of the vivid experience reading the webtoon is the art improvement. Sure the earlier chapters are kinda amateurish, but overtime it gets better and even better. By the time it enters the later part of Season 2, every flashy fight scene is spectacular and the art style is solid A+.

The worldbuilding is amazing. The power system and lore of the world are explained really well and they are really interesting. The floors and sites that the cast visit have amazing visuals and stories. As for the tests, I can get by without actually reading the rules lmao. It's like a real adventure.

Lots and lots of characters. For Season 1 only, I love the dynamic between everyone in the batch, some friendly, some hostile, some mysterious. The ones that are really close are heartwarming. For Season 2 and 3, well let's say it gets rowdier and crazier.

Great character designs. Like, everyone looks different from various distinct races and with physical attributes. So many characters I'd like to draw. They also dress differently. Even their attires differ from arcs to arcs. Tower of Fashion, indeed.

I love the story about The Shoes in the King's Display Case. It really tells the problems with the Jahad princesses system and by extension the government of the tower. It’s one of the first signs that being in the tower, on a high position at that, doesn't sound all that glorious anymore if you're more on the humane side. The narration right now starts with Anaak Jahad, but later this is constantly explored from various perspectives with various motives.

Also btw this is one of the few media that realistically shows what will happen if you fight in a pair of high heels.

Look, I went here just for the girl-with-dream and boy-with-only-her story. I just thought hey that's an interesting storyline. Like it'd be cute, romantic, and maybe will be angsty after a while. Who knew the whole thing would be played like that.

This is like a shounen manga, except that there are more complicated political thriller, power abuse, and humanity issues in it. Many protagonist traits, among other things, that usually are viewed as good in other comics are now being questioned and deconstructed so thoroughly and mercilessly.

A lot of people say Bam's boring but let's be real, he's basically a baby. He literally lives in an underground cave alone until Rachel comes along. He does know nothing except her. Watching him getting to know the world in the tower and meeting new friends - essentially learning about the world outside that cave - is really fun to me.

Get yo self a boy like Khun, who will lie, cheat, beg and bribe to make you well. Not to mention kill and die for. Your name has to be The 25th Bam tho.

What is it with local smug light-haired boys being really close with the shy brunette boys???? The funny thing is, the chummy, attached-right-off-the-bat, no-personal-space atmosphere between them is pretty much anime original, compared to the webtoon. Now imagine when the anime reaches the webtoon Season 2 and 3, where even I went "Dude. Holy. Shit."

Rak best boy. Everyone and their mother loves Rak. 

Keep an eye on Shibisu. Yes, that joke character with a purple tracksuit. You won't regret it. 

*prostrate in front of Yuri Jahad* YOUR MAJESTY!!!!!! The shits that she pulls in the entire series *chef kiss till I die*

Tbh I am confused which ones are the correct spelling of the characters' names?

Convoluted multi-layered plot twists drama: *exists* Someone somewhere: All according to keikaku. 

I really went 5 episodes thinking that is just Khun's multicolor hair instead of his bandanna what the fuck. 

Mr. Lero Ro I admire you and your sensible ass.

No I won't say anything about Season 2 and on from the Webtoon here because the whole thing is a giant spoiler. But just a very important heads up: David Hockney is mine.

I knew Kpop boyband Stray Kids exists but this is the first time I listen to their works. The OP and ED songs fucking rock. They feel modern yet at the same time kinda ethereal. That high pitch <33

Also I like the OSTs in that I don't actually have a favorite track, but every track is suited well with the scenes. Apparently the guy, Kevin Penkin, is also the one who composed for Made in Abyss. No wonder I got the same vibe.

The anime adds lots of extra scenes but also redacts a lot of the webtoon scenes and exposition. As far as this writing, I personally don't think it's a major problem.

Tl;Dr: I was looking for a cute boy-girl story how did it become like this. 

[hopeshoodie]

I feel so bad letting this sit for so long, but better late than never I suppose! Thank you to literally everyone who tagged me in this. Literally every time I see these posts it makes me grin like an absolute dope at my phone. This is one of the best fandoms I’ve ever been in. I know I joke that I’m just sitting in my corner making garbage, so thank yall for making the room my corner is in so lovely.

So here’s a shoutout to the people who made my 2020 better. If I’m following you (from my main @hyperspacial because despite being on tumblr for nearly a decade I still hardly know how to run a sideblog) I 100% like you. I’m sorry if I forget to tag people :( Also this is about to be a long ass post- don’t feel obligated to reply or like or whatever just because you’re tagged :P

@garyandhisnan. I just…. I adore you. Highkey would walk to the ends of the earth if you asked. Your writing, your posts, everything is top notch (and you’re an awesome person to boot which like… shouldn’t be allowed). Thank you for letting me rant about American late-stage capitalism and all the other nonsense I flood your inbox with. If yall aren’t following them, go do it now.

@deuchess  

@ariendiel Why you would want to collaborate with me, ME, of all people? Still astounds me. I pinkie promise we’re gonna do it though, and it’s gonna be so good. I’m so excited. But seriously, your fics are some of the only ones that I can keep coming back to. Your writing is *chefs kiss* and your edits/moodboards are literally so pretty. I love your blog and I cherish you, you slut cheat.

@kiki-the-creator same brain saME BRAIN SAME BRAIN how do we have the exact same brain!? Your fics literally are the best thing this fandom has produced- I come up with these half baked concepts, you make them actually good, then I play dollhouse with them over and over again in my head forever :3 That Erikah fic? Literally every Marisol fic you write?? I love them. Also you’re highkey so funny and ugh. Te adoro.

@bubblelaureno you’re literally too good for me. For real. I’m sorry I’m so shitty about keeping up to date with fics and edits, you deserve way more than my shitty memory and my 2 second long attention span. Your blog is literally a beacon of positivity and it’s absurd how much I admire your drive and your analytical way of thinking. This fandom is so lucky to have you.

@codename-mango controversial yet brave opinion- your blog is the best LITG blog on tumblr. Your headcanons, your jokes, your route overviews? All immaculate. Even your reblogs are the best of what everyone else is posting. You’re the only reason I have notes, and I appreciate you sm.

@oneflewoverthecuckoos my comment to mango is controversial only because if not her, then your LITG sideblog for sure. For a ‘Lucas’ blog, the diversity of content and LIs you talk about is refreshing. I fucking love seeing people talk about non-LI characters.

@inthenewblood thank you for letting me bitch about the reddit oml it’s needed. Also having someone to be salty with? A new but not unwelcome experience lmfao

@noahssidechick you are literally so sweet oml I treasure our chats and the pictures of your dogs. You bring such a chill and earnest vibe to the fandom and ugh, I’m so glad to have you.

@fuseboxmusebox I feel like you’re so consistent in the fandom, like you were here when I first joined and you’ll be here after I inevitably lose interest and leave. Your reblogs are top notch, the takes are even topper notch, and it wouldn’t be a ‘litg blogs that made me happy’ list without you.

@crvsh-culture I will never not sing your praises. I love your blog, I love you perspective, I love your vibe. I consider you a friend even though we’ve talked like… once.

@radiantdae your artbreeder edits were the first thing in the fandom that left me genuinely astounded. Like holy shit they were so good. Kassam??? That was a REAL MAN. Obviously the stuff you post now is really good too and your blog is excellent. But tbh when I think of the LITG fandom, the first think I think of is your artbreeder pictures. Also your ‘filipino words that make me think of the islanders’. I still think of that often. 

@therealityofthematteris seeing you in my notes makes me smile every time. That’s basically all, just needed to say it lmao. Also if anyone has almost convinced me to start playing TWC, it’s you and Seliné.

@bellarxse my dash would be dry af without you. Same with TWC- I’m so tempted to play because of your posts (I have it downloaded on my phone but like…. I haven’t finished a single route in Arcana and starting a new thing is overwhelming). But also your prompts are one of the few things that makes me want to write lmfao.

@lahelakoh I feel like I’ve said it before but your posts SEND me oml. The tiktok references, the chaotic energy. Both the taste and the flavour is immaculate.

@kiwi-tai we haven’t talked that much but oml I love your content so much 15/10

@confused-inalltheways-human you’re literally so cool and I think about that Harry fic all the time. Am I ever gonna get around to writing it? Probably not. But it was such a good idea. Also thank you for lighting up my notification.

@oceanatydes you come here, you post literally spectacular content, and then you peace out like bruh I wish I had your mind. I adore your edits, but my favorites are your posts/headcanons.

@voile-de-lune your aesthetic is everything I aspire to be and your headcanons/edits are such a refreshing take on characters that we’ve all gotten so stale with. I still live for that Rahim moodboard you made. Also your headcanons are so fantastic.

@lasswithumor this fandom desperately needs more Carl stans, thank you for doing the lords work. Also I highkey stalk your blog on a regular basis jsjsjsjsjsjs every chat we’ve had has been lovely and ugh, you’re just lovely

@bobbysapron your vibes are literally so immaculate. I know it’s been awhile since we chatted but I highkey adore your content and ugh. You’re such a cool person.

@beebips I feel like you’ve vanished off my dash, but you made up for it with that 3rd chapter of The Other Side of Seventh Ave made up for it.

@nerdferatum I don’t think I’ve ever breathed a word in your direction but oml you’re so sweet and supportive and every time your posts cross my dash I *pleading emoji*

@mrsgaryrennell I’m still agog that we’re mutuals because like… You are so talented. It took me waaaayyy too long to get into Blue and Hazel but now that I have… It’s highkey better than the actual season skskskskss

@kingkassam Like the above, you are waaaayyy too cool to be following me sksksksk. I’ve still got a few edits you had ideas for in the pipeline, and highkey the Kassam icons you requested are my favorite edits I’ve ever made. I live for someone else playing Matchmaker.

@hermitclaw  hello?????? You’re so funny what the FUCK are you doing following me. Ik you don’t post that much anymore, but every LITG you grace us with is a knockout. It feels unreal when you reblog my stuff. Basically the same to @mchamster. Like you’re both so funny and have been in the fandom for so long that it fully feels like royalty whenever yall interact with me.

@ravenadottir I am fully unworthy to even mention your name but oml. Your guides are the only thing that help me retain information about the season, and your recent outfit edits? Oh my god they’re so good. Hope’s especially, with the brightly colored swimsuit, left me absolutely speechless. You’re just above everything in the fandom and I admire that so much. Plus you really don’t have to flex that hard in your fics, and yet-

@smaiihands saving the best for last because you are one of the single most talented people in this fandom. Your art is the strongest life support for the fandom and like I know we haven’t talked in awhile but you’re also such a dope person. So.

And a big shoutout to all the people I follow who I don’t talk to but have nothing but good vibes. I appreciate yall way more than I can articulate: @richhdesire @needsomesorrel @ficticiouspastry @cranesandshipyards @litg-ish @princesslove19060 @fictitiouspastery​  @icedcoffee-please @demons-dogs-and-puns @sparklydinosaurr @mountainmanxoxo  @diamondsdiary @bucket-bill@another-lottie-simp @bobbys-darling @cyn-onlyyou @mikcove @officialpapa-johns @Amaxn @dxncingthroughlife @myfictionalobsessions  @screw-u-vaanu @kittidot @chichiguitarist123 @myfictionalobsessions @Azibear @amelia-w @lilithlibrxa @litghoe @priyas-tiddies @daisybarks @ajs-wife

At this point this post is just a directory of the LITG fandom lmfao but genuinely. Thank every single one of you. 2020 was hard as shit, but I’ve been hyperfixated on LITG for like a year and I treasure your content sm.

[makeste]

not a cavalcade of Katsuki panels

damn, anon. you stone cold came for me with that last part. and just fyi to all onlookers, this was before I had posted the headcanons ask proving this exact point lmao.

but a challenge has been issued now! so I will do my best to pick a variety of impartial panels featuring a veritable medley of characters. not sure I can really provide much in the way of insightful analysis of symbolism and metaphors and stuff, but I can certainly type a lot of words about the pretty pictures, and about how cool people look when they’re standing around all serious surrounded by clouds of billowing smoke.

why I like it: I figured we’d start off strong. no point in holding back. can the other panels possibly even hope to compete. maybe. we’ll see.

why I like it: because, you see, he punched a giant robot, and it exploded. you see that, there? and the text was all “SMAASH” in humongous comic book letters, and it was pretty cool. also Deku is very tiny and the robot is very big. and just to clarify, most of the time if a tiny fifteen-year-old child tries to punch an 80-foot robot, it’s not actually going to go all that well, and the robot probably will not explode. but in this case it did! and so this is a very novel and unexpected outcome, which makes it all the more visually striking, which is a very good thing to be when you are trying to show off the brand new superpower which your protagonist just inherited, and letting people see it in action for the very first time.

why I like it: so you may have noticed we just skipped a whoooole bunch of chapters lol. this is because there are almost 300 of them, and so I’m going to have to use a bit of discretion. anyway so this is a gorgeous panel. just, everything about it. the lighting; the expressions; Shouto’s hesitation; and his mom facing away, not looking back yet, and us not yet knowing how she’ll react. and the fact that they’re visually separated by as much distance as possible -- at opposite ends of a two-page spread -- and yet they’re so close, closer than they’ve been in years. mm. anyway it’s pretty.

why I like it: first of all because there’s nothing like seeing a deserving character get punched in the fucking face, and few characters IMO have been as deserving as Stain. and second because this is Deku, showing up to save the day out of nowhere at the last minute, because excuse you, but he’s a motherfuckin’ hero. sorry to interrupt your evening plans of stabbing a kid while lecturing him about why, philosophically, he deserves to die. but I’ve got a package here for a Mister Stain. it’s from Mister Smaassh, with two A’s and three S’s.

why I like it: fyi, anon said nothing about a cavalcade of BakuDeku panels. you didn’t think I’d let that loophole go to waste, did you? but nonetheless I will try to restrain myself until we get to the second ground beta fight. anyway, I like this panel because All Might’s canonically 7′2″ self looks about twelve feet tall here, and he is just TOWERING over these two boys, who’ve been tasked with somehow outwitting him during this curiously sadistic final exam. and it’s just an interesting perspective, because we know they both look up to him, and here they are physically looking way, way up, up, up at him.

why I like it: now this is how you do a villain entrance. I love absolutely everything about this. the sheer scale of destruction, and the way he’s just sort of casually hanging out there in the middle of the panel almost dwarfed by all this dust and smoke and carnage, and yet is unquestionably the focus of the page. the way that you can’t actually see his face, not yet. not until the end of the chapter. the way the clouds are drifting so calmly and peacefully in the night sky in stark contrast to the horrific events that are about to take place on the ground. this panel gives me literal chills, especially when I think about All for One’s creepy theme music playing in the background.

why I like it: this panel is so iconic to me that it’s one of the first ones I immediately knew I had to go and find when I got this ask. this entire fight is perfection from start to finish, and there are other panels that are more artistically striking if I’m being honest (in particular, the ones where he’s half-transformed with his face perfectly split down the middle between Muscle Might and Skinny Steve). but there’s just something about his determination in this panel, though. something about the fire in his eyes, and the way he clenches his fist. “my heart is still the heart of the Symbol of Peace.” I remember being sooooo fucking anxious when his true form was revealed, wondering if this was it, if the people watching were going to turn on him, if he was going to lose both the fight and their faith. turns out I was wrong on both accounts. basically what I am trying to tell you guys is that this panel was and is still the most badass thing I’ve ever seen.

why I like it: because he’s just a frail old man doing what he can to protect the last flickering embers of the thing that enables him to fight on. there’s something so fucking desperate and yet so determined about this image. he knows it’s futile, but still he persists.

why I like it: damn it was hard to find a “you’re next” panel with just the right angle I like best. this is probably as close as it gets, but I kind of wish Deku was somehow visible in this image as well. but at any rate this is an amazing moment, and All Might is dramatic af for basically no reason but IT’S BADASS. “no I’m not going to actually look where I’m pointing. it’s cooler this way.” or was it because he wasn’t sure if he could keep the emotion off of his face if he actually turned and looked? in this moment of knowing that it was finally over for him, that he would never be the Symbol again, and knowing that he had no choice but to move on and entrust that burden to the next generation? damn.

why I like it: I... fucking... okay, here’s a fun fact. did you know that I still get emotional over this panel almost a full two years after reading it?? obviously a good 84% of it is the context -- All Might losing his power; Deku being forced to take up the mantle before he feels ready; All Might feeling responsible for him; and both of them being so desperately grateful to have each other in that moment. but don’t underestimate that remaining 16% either though! this is just an extremely well-drawn hug, on top of everything else. All Might pressing Deku’s head to his shoulder with his fingers laced in his hair is some mighty fine fiercely protective hug tropes there, you guys. and the way Deku is clinging to his shirt so tightly his knuckles have probably gone white?? while he cries?? while both of them cry? ON THE BEACH? WITH THE WAVES LAPPING SOFTLY AT THE SHORE IN THE PEACEFUL NIGHT AIR?? jesus fucking christ. this hug contains more emotions than I am capable of carrying inside me at once. I just sort of have to let them flow in and out little by little until they finally subside.

why I like it: you bet I skipped right from Kamino straight to Deku VS Kacchan Part 2. no regrets. anyway, so these two panels are an absolutely gorgeous one-two punch. so much has changed from the days when they were innocent little kids marching off into the woods to have adventures. they’ve changed. their relationship has changed. and yet, at the end of the day, Izuku is still willing to follow Katsuki even without being given any kind of explanation. and Katsuki still seeks out Izuku when he’s on the verge of having a spectacular emotional breakdown. because he doesn’t know who else to turn to. and because despite everything, there is trust there still, on some deep, fundamental level neither of them fully understands or knows how to acknowledge. anyway, so these two panels just give me a ton of feels all about the passage of time and how everything changes and how you can’t get back what’s lost, but also sometimes if you look deep enough you find that parts of it were never fully gone.

why I like it: because in a striking display of dramatic main character energy, these boys decided to stage their life-changing destiny-affirming rival fight on the coolest possible stage in the middle of the goddamn night. and then Katsuki made it even better by producing WAY MORE SMOKE than his attack by all rights should have produced! and then they went and crouched down all symmetrically so as to more poetically make intense eye contact at each other. I really like panels with smoke and/or dust clearing dramatically. there are like four more of them coming up on this list. what can I say. it’s cinematic.

why I like it: I actually had this one as my icon for a while. it’s rare imo to see an action panel that’s so balanced and has so much going on and is so clean and easy to read. both of their poses are so dynamic. I like the way the arc of Izuku’s kick is drawn, and I love the way you can clearly see that Katsuki propelled himself backwards with his quirk in order to dodge it. it’s just a really cool little panel that for me perfectly sums up the general feel of this fight, and its awesome choreography.

why I like it: actually you know what, before I go any further, let me skip ahead a bit and add three more panels with this same energy.

I just really, really love these rare moments when all differences between them are momentarily forgotten and they’re just two teenage boys caught up in the intense pressure of an awkward social situation. the one enemy neither of them is the least bit equipped to handle. anyways Horikoshi clearly enjoys it too because he seems to delight in drawing it over and over and over.

why I like it: because it’s more billowing smoke and dust. because it’s Endeavor, the guy we all swore we would never ever root for, and then 160 chapters later Horikoshi pulls this shit without an ounce of shame. because it’s All Might’s pose, but tweaked juuuuuust enough so that Enji can avoid copyright claims. because he knew that pose well enough to know which arm not to use. because Endeavor is a profoundly flawed human being, wholly incapable of filling the void All Might left behind. and yet he still tries. because it’s better than nothing, and because it’s all he can do. it’s the one thing he can do, his sole redeeming virtue. he tries. he doesn’t give up. anyway so yeah, Horikoshi didn’t have to take the single most unlikable person in the entire manga and give him the world’s most controversial and openly scorned redemption arc. but he did! and I think it’s one of the best things about this entire manga.

why I like it: because nothing in BnHA is just black and white!! it’s messy and layered and complex, just like in the real world. Shouto despised his dad for almost his entire life. with good reason! Enji was abusive and selfish and treated his son more like a prized possession than a person. we as readers are fully aware of all of this, and we sympathize with Shouto 100%, and that’s completely by design. Horikoshi is well aware of this. so for him to still give us this little moment, where Shouto is so relieved that Enji survived that he drops to the floor and presses his face against his hands in this little prayer gesture -- whatever you think it might mean -- is just so fucking powerful, and again speaks to his commitment to refusing to let anything in this series be completely clear-cut and unambiguous. I love that the characterization of Shouto and Natsu hating their dad exists side by side with the equally authentic characterization of them being terrified that they’re about to watch him die. because those two things aren’t contradictory! sometimes that’s just how it is. anyway so this is a beautiful moment of nuance that instantly adds so much to this relationship with just a single panel.

why I like it: for once the symbolism is so obvious that even I can’t fail to miss it! Izuku’s face half in light and half in shadow as he thinks about the power bestowed on him. “All for One’s power.” anyway so in my mind Izuku having AFO could not be any more fucking foreshadowed if he was wearing a freaking t-shirt with the Musketeers saying on it and the background was peppered with little Sistine Chapel-esque images of AFO giving his quirk to his brother lmao. but regardless of how it does end up playing out, this is nicely done.

why I like it: I wasn’t sure whether I should include this image, given that I just made a whole separate post about it a few days ago. but I just really like it, okay. this is one of the all-time great entrances in the series. Bakugou being perched on that pole for absolutely no reason other than to add visual interest. Todoroki’s hair blowing dramatically in the wind. Katsuki’s frayed pant hems and characteristically asymmetrical facial expression. the fact that you just know both of them spent the ride home with their faces pressed to the windows of their taxi cab hoping desperately for an opportunity to break in their brand new licenses, and then lo and behold. that’s amazing you guys. it’s almost like you’re main characters or something.

why I like it: they did great.

why I like it: because I lost my fucking shit at this fucking reveal and can you even blame me?? we knew coming in how much trouble Endeavor and Hawks had dealing with just one of these Noumus, and then Horikoshi goes and divulges that the villains have at least A DOZEN MORE waiting on standby. including Hood right there in the foreground, which is a fantastic touch! this panel, for me, almost instantaneously established the League as a legitimate threat once again, and gave me the kind of spine-tingly evil vibes I hadn’t felt since the Kamino arc. and while the payoff might not quite have lived up to my expectations, the Mirko fight at least was more than worth it.

why I like it: BILLOWING SMOKE AND DUST CLOUDS. you just see this vast landscape of destruction that Tomura has oh-so-casually wrought, and this once-powerful enemy utterly defeated on his hands and knees bowing before him. and it’s just like, oh. Tomura just became a fucking king, didn’t he. he finally stepped up and became the main villain. really the main villain, not just an awkward fumbling NEET whose adopted dad is not-so-secretly pulling all the strings. he did this himself. he went out and conquered and Awakened and won himself a fucking army. and he’s just standing there so cool and casual in the aftermath of it all. and then he goes “oh wait, you guys have money right, that means you can buy us the good sushi.” yes, Tomura. yes.

why I like it: um because this panel is fucking amazing?? hello?? do I really need to explain this one. the detail is jaw-dropping. he’s got the little scars which are either from the head wound that caused his death, or from his Noumufication. his expression is fucking heartbreaking, and the transition from Kumo to Kuro is so subtle and seamless, and yet it distinctly is both of them. this panel is gorgeous and fucking haunting and almost made me gasp when I first saw it.

why I like it: the decision to have the night sky take up so much of the space in the panel was [chef kiss]. nothing says existential like the night sky on a cold winter’s night.

why I like it: this is the best panel in the entire fucking series.

why I like it: dude. showing his actual family holding onto him with their hands in the same spot as the severed fashion!hands was a stroke of genius in and of itself. but combining that with the emotional tension of them desperately trying to hold him back and protect him from AFO?? that’s just so fucking smooth it’s almost inhuman. just how much meaning can you cram into a single image?? sometimes I wonder just how far in advance Horikoshi plans these things.

why I like it: guess I’m just a big fat sucker for panels of Tomura calmly standing around in the ruins of his own senseless destruction. the sense of scale on this one is really great, too. and yet again, those dust clouds. gotta love it.

why I like it: because Tomura literally appears out of nowhere, like he’s ripping a hole through the fabric of time and space. it’s so fucking sudden and he looks evil as FUCK, and Deku and Kacchan are totally caught off-guard, and it is scary. this is one of those panels that made me say “holy shit” out loud. in fact I practically screamed it. and the angles are all funky and weird, and the sky is all BLACK FOR NO REASON, and it really just feels like Tomura could reach right over and just MURDER THEM like it was nothing. just like that. this panel is so incredibly effective at conveying how hopelessly outclassed the boys are. they’re not even in his league, and it’s honestly terrifying.

and on that happy note, we have come to the end of my list of favorite panels! and I gotta say, it’s really gratifying that a good deal of them are from this year alone. I said it in another post a few days ago, but imo the overall quality of the series has been insanely high as of late, and it honestly just blows my mind whenever I stop to think about it. the art is still this good six years into the game. the story is still this good. we are spoiled goddammit.

[daredevile]

BOOK RECS!

Well, I read a bunch of books during the quarantine and most of them were great! So, if you're looking for something within these genres - mystery/thriller, sci-fi, romance and horror - I got your back :) Also, my favourite genres are mystery/thriller and sci-fi which is why those lists are huge. Everything is linked to Goodreads, go check out the blurbs but, watch out for those reviews with spoilers!! 

THE SILENT PATIENT - Love, love, love this book - second favourite of all time! Seemingly innocent woman randomly shoots her husband in the face and never speaks again. And we primarily follow a criminal psychotherapist's perspective as he uncovers details about the why, the how and much, much more. If you're into human psychology and are a mystery/thriller aficionado in general, READ THIS BOOK. Also, has one of the best plot twists ever!

THE TURN OF THE KEY - The story follows a very unfortunate and young nanny who ends up being accused of murdering a child in her care. No parents in the obscenely technology-controlled house that malfunctions all of a sudden. Ah, the horrors of digitalisation. And she's neither innocent nor guilty. The atmosphere created by the author is truly remarkable and you cannot stop reading. I'm warning you. Prepare to be absorbed for a few hours because this is one chair-gripping story.

THE ONE - We're getting into the Black Mirror zone here. DNA tests that pair people with their genetically matched soulmates. What could possibly go wrong? Hint: one of the characters is a murderer - don't worry that's not a spoiler! Everyone has their secrets and issues and have to navigate through a complicated mess that morphs into a different problem for each character. Have they found The One?

GONE GIRL - Do I even need to explain?

EIGHT PERFECT MURDERS - We got a killer who replicates murders from fictional books and the FBI enlist the help of a bookstore owner to solve the case. Quite entertaining and major book-nerd vibes from this one. Not gonna lie, this started phenomenally but fell a little short with the ending. Still worth the read though! Also, it spoils a few classic, well-known books [ listed on Goodreads ], if you're planning to read any of those, I'd advise you to finish them before starting this one.

THE KIND WORTH KILLING - I'd say this's the better Peter Swanson novel out of these two. Quite Gone Girl-esque in nature but equally well-written and amazing! It's a type of story that makes you question humans and our moral code. Think intense Tom and Jerry with 200% more stress, nail-biting moments and of course, murders.

AND THEN THERE WERE NONE - A classic whodunit. Who doesn't love those? Group of people trapped in a remote island and one by one they drop dead in mysterious ways. Everyone seems like the killer, but who is actually behind these murders? Edge-of-the-seat feels with this one! And as the group becomes smaller and smaller, the criminal gets closer and closer till there are none.

LONG BRIGHT RIVER - This one delves into quite sensitive themes and topics such as addiction, struggles with withdrawal and ultimately, the devastation caused by it all. The relationship between the two sisters is portrayed with powerful emotional language and it's truly heartbreaking. Tension arises when one sister goes missing the same time when murders occur in the area. Not an easy read by any means but an exceptional story indeed.

NO EXIT - Four strangers stranded at a secluded highway rest stop and one of them has kidnapped a little girl and locked her in the van. And our main character has no means of communicating with anyone but has to figure out how to save the child from the psychopath. This has thriller written all over it! My stress levels were through the roof but, the action and the twists just blew my mind! Love this book!

LOCK EVERY DOOR - Creepy high-end hotel. Check. Disappearing people. Check. Dark secrets. Check, check, check! Again, another author who perfectly conjured a ghostly ambience as the plot thickens and the main character is so close to the killer. I'll be honest, I was scared at some parts. But it was a good kinda scared, you know. 100% will read again!

DARLING ROSE GOLD - Sounds like a cute story right? Don't be fooled by the title. This twisted mother-daughter story evokes an unsettling feeling as we follow both the daughter, who became overwhelmingly ill due to malnutrition and her abusive mother, who recently got released from prison. I found the narrative style to be very unique as they're both unlikable characters with hidden motives beneath their now-tolerant attitudes to each other. In other words: this book is CRAZY AND GOOD!

DARK MATTER - This is my favourite book. Ever. Written by one of my favourite authors. Ever. It's the perfect blend of a seemingly confusing narrative, a true mind-fuck, thought-provoking themes, slightly disturbing yet very much stress-inducing plot progression - in short: I love it!

SCYTHE - The premise caught my attention and it didn't disappoint at all! This universe is remarkably built through Shusterman's compelling imagery and mystery revolving around a Scythe's morals, ethics and concerns with their profession as they have to randomly kill people due to overpopulation. And good news, this is a series!

THE PASSENGERS - Listen, if you like Black Mirror-y stories, then you're gonna love this one! It's set in a world that's transitioning from manual to autonomous vehicles where eight driverless cars are hacked and programmed to collide in one location at a specific time! Initially, keeping up with so many POVs was challenging, but, it's completely worth it and possibly one of the most stressful books I've read in a while. John Marrs just understands writing.

THE TEST - This one's a short story - a hundred pages or so, yet thoroughly entertaining and has an intriguing plotline. Again, kinda gives Black Mirror vibes and jumps straight into the action. It's also severely messed up and horrible to think about. Dives into human behaviour and psychology in terrible this or that scenarios. Definitely one of my favourites! Are you sensing a pattern?

WE ARE THE ANTS - Alien abduction? The world in danger? And the fate of it rests upon a hesitant teenage boy's shoulders? Caught my attention. The plot is quite touching, emotionally-driven and weaves through several heavy issues such as depression, suicide, bullying and marginalisation, however, lightens up around wholesome themes like love, family and friendship. Great story and also, the book cover is pretty cool!

RED, WHITE AND ROYAL BLUE - Yet another book that needs no introduction. Just read it fam. No regrets!

THE UNHONEYMOONERS - Looking for the fluffiest of fluff story ever? Here ya go! Christina Lauren has nailed the romance genre and this one's nothing short of spectacular. Humour, wit and banter are smoothly intertwined into both main characters who hate each other with a passion... for a little while. Also features the classic and unsurprisingly entertaining hate to love trope!

THE HATING GAME - Can't seem to get enough of this enemies to lovers trope! Hilarious writing paired with two lovable characters - definitely a mood-booster. Just the mere chemistry between the characters as you experience their both funny and tender moments is *chef's kiss*.

THEY BOTH DIE AT THE END - Another favourite! A tear-jerker that's incredibly raw and thought-provoking. It explores the connection between two strangers spending their End Day with meaningful conversations, dealing with love and loss and going on that one last adventure before - well, you know how it ends.

PET SEMATARY - If you're into severely disturbing and horrific imagery spiralling through your mind - okay, why would you do that to yourself? Major theme of death described in a terrifying and a very Stephen King manner. Personally, I found the writing to be a little boring but still eerie, however, my friends and a lot of other readers love this book! To each their own, I guess?

THE CABIN AT THE END OF THE WORLD - Two words. Home invasion. This book made me question all the fundamental things in life and the writing speaks volumes! Filled with subtle symbolism and allusions to real societies and how they operate under crises. Possible heartbeat escalation, intense moments laced with undertones of sadness for the family. Gets straight into the action and it's utterly overwhelming. I don't read much horror but this is probably one of the best [ though some have contradicting opinions ]!

I spent a lot of time making this, so reblogs are very much appreciated! Hope you found something interesting :D

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight Prologue (part 2)

Questions of morality and how to handle traps, with your hosts Graendal and Galad.

Well hello there, Graendal, fancy seeing you alive.

The goblet had been crafted with drops of blood caught in a ring pattern within the crystal.

I have a need.

I mean, I’d be drinking tea or maybe even hot chocolate out of that goblet rather than wine but that does nothing to change the fact that I need it. Villains, man. You can always rely on them for the aesthetics.

“We should be doing something” Aran’gar said

I’m not sure precisely why this is so absurdly funny to me, but it’s some combination of a) the real world being in quarantine right now, b) villains lounging in a villainous lair like ‘should we be… fucking shit up or something? Or can we really just take a moment to be All About the Aesthetic?’ and c) an oddly self-aware statement from a fictional character who realises that something is amiss if they’re not contributing to the plot.

Oh we’re still in Natrin’s Barrow, so this is before the er. Utter collapse of Rand’s moral scruples and near-destruction of the Pattern and associated fireworks.

Also, Aran’gar, when you fled the rebels, what the fuck gave you the idea that coming to Graendal as a refugee – alliance or no alliance – was a good plan? She will eat you for breakfast, and whether that’s literal or euphemistic probably makes no difference to the fact that ultimately, you will suffer for it.

Life was about feeling. Touches on your skin, both passionate and icy. Anything other than the normal, the average, the lukewarm.

I like this for the way it is both opposite to and yet weirdly the same as Semirhage’s perspective. The difference is mostly whether it is directed outwards or inwards.

And I also like it for the way it plays on how Graendal deals with subtlety versus ostentation. The way she so completely performs that ostentation and lack of subtlety and plays to the extremes, and it’s not entirely performative but it also serves the purpose of masking her capacity for great subtlety and control.

Listen. There’s a lot to dislike about Graendal, yes, but at the end of the day she fascinates me. She’s just such an intricate villain, for all that on the surface she could be played as scenery-chewing and flat. Because there’s something beneath that, and it all serves a purpose. She makes ‘all about the aesthetic’ into a legitimate strategy, without actually detracting from the aesthetic, and it’s just very… disturbingly cool.

Aran’gar is still trying to have a conversation as if she thinks she and Graendal are on the same level. How adorable.

“Excitement is best viewed from a distance,” Graendal said.

And yet life is about feeling, but somehow those are not mutually exclusive, and have I mentioned Graendal is fascinating to me?

I think… I know, I’m just rambling my way into this, but I think one of the things I enjoy most about her is that, for all that she has these different layers and apparent opposites and allows herself to be viewed one way when in reality there’s far more to it, none of it feels like pretence. It’s not like she’s putting on a false front, pretending to be totally absorbed in aesthetics and pleasure, because I think that part of her is genuine. But so is the scheming, and the love of order, and the subtlety. None of it is her pretending, but together it’s a more complex picture than most manage to grasp, and so they just see the surface level of it, and she’s happy to let them. But it’s different to crafting a mask – she’s not really hiding her true motives or her true self; people just may not be able to piece together exactly what that is. Because she’s a rather complicated person, for all that she seems simplistic in her over-the-top presentation.

Is it terrible that I would quite like her to survive this scene?

Wait what she can use the True Power? She’s using the True Power? Just beware the lifestyle inflation that goes with a promotion, Graendal.

And there were some weaves that could only be crafted by the True Power.

So speaking of the True Power… here’s the thing. Rand’s use of it was spectacular, and played such a perfectly exquisite role in his descent last book, but it doesn’t feel like that’s the end of it. That’s not the sort of bomb you drop just once for effect; those are the sorts of plot elements that come back. So… I’m curious. I have theories. Which I’ve gone into elsewhere so I’ll leave that for now.

My other immediate thought here is that Compulsion woven from the True Power and wielded by Graendal is a terrifying concept and I sort of want to see it because I’m a terrible human.

But seriously, it’s like the Domination Band in the hands of Semirhage. Sometimes you just want to give a villain their perfect tool and set them loose to wreak beautiful havoc.

(What can I say? I appreciate competence in all its forms).

Whatever the Creator could build, the Dark One could destroy.

Except the whole idea is balance, so that goes…both ways somehow. Not quite sure where I’m going with this but it’s certainly somewhere.

Meanwhile Graendal’s just using the True Power to taunt Aran’gar by almost literally poking her and saying ‘neener neener neener’ and honestly, fair.

Aran’gar and Delana began to exchange affections on the chaise.

Why is this so fucking hilarious to me?

Like okay, sit on the sofa, and one… two… three… go!

I don’t even know, but every time I look at that sentence I start laughing. Maybe it’s just that it’s such an obvious… ‘this is painfully awkward and I can’t write anything more detailed but also it’s happening on-screen so I can’t just pan to the fireplace please send help immediately, yours sincerely, Brandon Sanderson’.

Like. ‘And then sex happened but let’s just avert our eyes, shall we?’

Aran’gar continued her pleasures

I’m DYING. The awkward of writing this just bleeds through the page and it’s. Just. Kind of perfect. And honestly I sympathise. Like this genuinely captures the mood I feel whenever sex scenes turn up in movies or TV or whatever. Not awkwardness, precisely, but just a sense of like ‘okay… we’re doing this now… and we’re still doing this… um… *starts looking around the room for anything interesting*… still exchanging affections I see… ah okay good and now the scene resumes’.

Is that TMI? I feel like it’s almost the opposite of TMI but whatever, moving on.

More importantly, an alarm is going off, and Graendal sees no reason to let that interrupt Aran’gar getting off, so she just leaves.

Ah. Ramshalan. So we are indeed doing this scene from the other side. This ought to be… fun. I did wonder what it would look like from Graendal’s side, especially with Rand desperately trying to do his how-do-you-defeat-someone-smarter-than-you thing. And I’m very curious as to the outcome. Because there would be a certain beautiful awfulness in all that power and destruction, that force of light, not even achieving its aim, in the futility of catastrophe.

Wow, Ramshalan really is… a complete idiot.

But Graendal is not.

Best to be careful. Best to flee. And yet…

She hesitated. He must know pain… he must know frustration… he must know anguish. Bring these to him. You will be rewarded.

Oh, he has known those. He has known precious little else in the last two years, honestly. Though Semirhage played a more recent and telling role in that.

And Graendal’s hesitation, because for all her capacity, she is controlled, as are the rest of the Chosen and Friends of the Dark, by a selfishness none of them can quite overcome.

“Does that Aes Sedai of yours know Compulsion?”

Aran’gar shrugged. “She’s been trained in it. She’s passably skilled.” “Fetch her.”

Wow, for half a second there I thought they were talking about Egwene and was like ‘okay wow there’s one I definitely did not see coming’ but obviously it’s Delana.

Which means that the Compulsion Rand had Nynaeve detect… the Compulsion he used like a canary in a coal mine, the Compulsion whose vanishing he took as evidence of Graendal’s death, was never Graendal’s to begin with.

What an elegant move. Simple and yet perfect.

Also she can apparently see through the eyes of a dove. That’s… a new one. And don’t think I missed you using a dove, symbol of peace, for this.

The world as she saw it and a shadowed version of what the bird saw.

And I see what you did there, too.

But she’s using a dove to serve as her eyes. Not a raven or a rat but a dove, the symbol of light and peace, being used as a servant of the Shadow. Just as Rand, standing on that ridge and wielding a great force of Light, Rand, the champion of the Light, serving the Shadow’s aims even as he never turns from the side of the Light. I love it.

And yeah, she’s using Delana to craft the Compulsion. Graendal may not know exactly what Rand is planning, but she knows he’s planning something, and so she takes precautions. Which Rand knew she would, but for all his care to not underestimate her…

Would he attack? No, he wouldn’t harm women. That particular failing was an important one.

Yet at the same time she’s underestimating him.

Or rather, neither is precisely underestimating the other; they’re both just… thinking along the lines of what they perceive the other to be, and those lines are close but not quite accurate. I love watching these kinds of games play out, where it’s about thinking several moves ahead, move and countermove, trying to know what the opponent will do and ultimately it comes down to a… layering, almost, and the victor is the one who just happens to have laid the last layer. Or annihilated the gameboard; whichever comes first.

Bring him agony. Graendal could do that.

I… yeah.

Because at this point, Rand believes (believed, but relative to the timeline of this scene it’s present tense and argh this is why messy timelines frustrate me; do you know how annoying the grammar gets?) he is beyond agony, beyond feeling of any kind. He has made himself into ice and steel and cuendillar (heartstone, heart of the stone, pray that the heart of stone remembers tears…) and so he believes himself unfettered, capable of any atrocity because he has walled away the agony that would hold him back.

But for all that, what he does at Natrin’s Barrow… for all that he doesn’t let himself feel any of it, on some level it does cause him agony, and drives him further on that path that leads eventually to Tam and Ebou Dar and Dragonmount.

So really, you could say that Moridin’s statement, that ‘he must know anguish, he must know pain of heart’ is true from the perspective of the Light as much as it is from the perspective of the Shadow.

Because it is that anguish that drives him to serve the Shadow even while acting in the name of the Light… but it is also that anguish that leads him, ultimately, to the epiphany that brings him back truly to the Light he serves.

And it is letting himself feel that anguish, along with everything else he tried to push away, that allows him to do that. He must know anguish, yes, because he must learn no longer to push it aside, to allow himself to feel again, and in doing so he can be the champion of the Light as he is meant to be.

It's just a fun double meaning. Or manifold meaning, even. And I sort of wonder if Moridin knew that. It’s the kind of irony he might appreciate, to the extent that he appreciates anything.

“Something convoluted. I want al’Thor and his Aes Sedai to find the touch of a man on the mind.” That would confuse them further.

In this case she’s actually overestimating Rand (&co), but in its own way that’s just as dangerous as underestimating, in this game of each trying to outthink and outmanoeuvre one another before making their moves.

This whole seeing through a dove’s eyes is lovely on a symbolic level but does sort of strain my understanding of how magic works in this world. Ah well, we can handwave it as ‘True Power shenanigans’.

I suppose it’s not really any weirder than balefire or wolf-telepathy or Compulsion or being able to wander through someone else’s dream. Weird, where we draw our suspension of disbelief lines, and how it varies from series to series or system to system. Like, seeing through an animal’s eyes isn’t exactly uncommon in the genre; I just didn’t quite expect it in WoT specifically. No idea why.

The dove flapped out of the window. The sun was lowering behind the mountains

A symbol of peace flying into a darkening sky, a fading of the Light! (Oh, you thought I would let up on the atmospheric imagery when Sanderson took over? How naïve).

There was light up ahead. It was faint, but the dove’s eyes could easily pick out light and shadow

I MEAN. I see what you did there and I appreciate it.

I still sort of can’t believe Graendal was actually watching that whole time. It feels almost like cheating. Then again Rand obliterating half the Pattern also could be considered cheating, depending on which game we’re playing so there’s that.

I think for me it doesn’t quite cross the line into unbelievability, but some foreshadowing would have been nice for the whole seeing-through-the-eyes-of-a-dove thing. And I suppose there is some, in that we know that ravens and rats are ‘spies for the Dark One’, so maybe it’s on me for not realising that was an actual tool that the Dark One’s other servants may be able to use. But it just didn’t really seem set up that way, so I’m a bit on the fence.

The part that does work about this is that it’s Graendal being very, very good at the games she plays, just as Rand was afraid of. He knew she was clever, knew she would very likely see through any plan or strategy he created, and in a way she kind of… has. Or rather, she’s made use of something he didn’t account for, for all that his plan was also clever.

Al’Thor’s tame Aiel

There’s an excellent sort of irony in that phrasing, from one who lived in a time when the Aiel truly were nonviolent servants of the Aes Sedai.

[Nynaeve] would have to die; al’Thor relied upon her; her death would bring him pain.

Don’t you dare. It’s fine, her defeat of Moghedien was a perfect warm-up.

And after her, al’Thor’s dark-haired lover.

You’re forgetting his red-haired lover… and his sun-haired lover… but sure, let’s take Rand’s love life one at a time. That’s…fair.

He acted the same now as he had during her Age; he liked to plan, to spend time building to a crescendo of an assault.

Well, I mean, in this case, you are not wrong.

He’d brought that with him? It was nearly as bad as balefire.

About that.

Ah. And now she sees what his plan was. Hey, when Graendal thinks you’re clever, you should definitely take it as a compliment.

But it also means Graendal’s off for an impromptu holiday – but not before leaving Aran’gar and Delana shielded so that Rand’s plan will appear to succeed. Clever and ruthless and listen, I love her. I know, I know. I don’t know why I’m like this either.

She struggled to dismiss the gateway, and caught one glimpse of the horrified Aran’gar before everything behind was consumed in beautiful, pure whiteness.

The gateway vanished, leaving Graendal in darkness.

I just love the way light and dark (and gateways, actually) are played with in both iterations of this scene. Rand leaving the warm light of the gateway behind, crossing that threshold into a darkening sky. The way he is shadowed, his face in shadow, his eyes in shadow, just before he becomes a blinding, searing, awful-in-its-beauty form of pure Light with the potential to destroy the world. An enemy of the Shadow, yet surrounded by it even as he becomes light.

And now we almost bookend that, with Graendal leaving behind that white light of destruction, crossing back over a threshold and away from that scene, but she is of the Shadow and so while Rand’s gateway led him away from a warm light, this one takes her into the protection of darkness.

Balescream? That’s… a word.

A moment when creation itself howled in pain.

At the actions of the Light’s champion. The Creator’s champion. He must know anguish, and he has. And the Dragon is one with the Land, and the Land is one with the Dragon, and so it is only fitting that the Land knows that anguish as well. The entirety of creation sharing in the pain of near-undoing, brought on by but also embodied by Rand, the Dragon, its Champion, even as he embodies that Light by becoming it in that scene where he appeared more light than man.

This was a disaster.

No, she thought. I live.

And so we come to the question: do the ends justify the means, if they fail to achieve them?

It’s something WoT has played with before: Perrin torturing the Shaido and ultimately not getting any information from them comes to mind. This is just… on an even larger scale. Is the annihilation of a fortress and everyone in it, and almost the world around it, justified if it allows him to kill one of the Forsaken? If so, is it justified even if that is merely the intent, regardless of whether it succeeds or fails? What determines that justification, or lack thereof? Or is it unwarranted no matter the outcome, because the cost is too high?

(I am reminded, suddenly, of Rand in TFoH thinking that Moiraine’s apparent death and Lan’s departure was ‘a high price to pay for Lanfear’).

I just love these questions of morality and of where lines are drawn or should be drawn, precisely because they are so open-ended. And Rand’s… well, in a way it’s not even complete failure; he does kill Aran’gar if not Graendal, but that almost plays into it as well because it’s an unintended consequence. It’s not what he set out to do.

So then we add ‘if he did this to kill a specific one of the Forsaken, and she escapes but he happens by accident to kill another, does that end justify those means?’ But his failure to kill Graendal leaves that question so much more ambiguous: as if the narrative itself hesitates to fully justify or fully condemn his actions. Instead, it lets you ask yourself that question. Whereas if he had succeeded in killing her… the question can certainly still be asked, and that would still be very much part of the point, but it helps weight the scales a bit if you can say ‘well, it worked’. Whereas this… it’s entirely up to you. Was it worth it?

*

From Graendal to Galad? That’s a pivot.

Oh, but I love this image of Galad, the purest of the white knights, untarnished and untouchable, literally mired in a swamp.

Bitemes buzzed in the muggy air. The stench of mud and stagnant water threatened to gag him with each breath

Sometimes, you use atmosphere to highlight aspects of a character. Rand stepping out of a gateway into shadow and darkness. Every word that’s ever been written about Dragonmount. And then sometimes you place a character in an environment that is their precise opposite, and in that juxtaposition highlight those defining traits but also…push against them, I suppose. It’s a great way of showing a conflict of some kind. Galad is now the Lord Captain Commander of the Children of the Light, who are themselves corrupted. And he is fighting that corruption because it is his antithesis, but it’s so present and oppressive around him, and it makes for such an excellent contrast.

Miserable though this as, this route was the best way.

Yeah, see, I know you mean that literally, Galad, but it sort of illustrates my point. His task – redeeming the Whitecloaks, unless I massively miss my guess – is not going to be an easy one. Leading them right now can’t be pleasant. But it’s the best way to see them through this, to do the right thing. And we all know that’s what Galad is all about.

Oh, he’s going to take on Asunawa? First Valda and then Asunawa and damn it I never wanted to like Galadedrid Damodred.

Here and there the sickly greys and greens were relieved by a bright burst of tiny pink or violet flowers clustering around trickling streams. Their sudden colour was unexpected, as if someone had sprinkled drops of paint on the ground.

It was strange to find beauty in this place.

Beauty, yes, but subtlety? Hell no. But – I know I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – I don’t care that this isn’t subtle. I love the way atmosphere and imagery can be used to this effect. Mired in a swamp with an unpleasant task to do and leading a corrupted force, but there are surprising moments of beauty and colour and promise.

His horse is called Stout and for some reason that amuses me.

This place, with its stench and biting insects, would try the best of men.

You don’t say.

And where Valda – the Lord Captain Commander before Galad – had turned out to be a murderer and a rapist.

So I mean, at least the bar is set pretty low for you there, Galad.

‘Damodred,’ Dain said softly, their boots squishing in mud, ‘perhaps we should turn back.’

NO BACK ONLY FORWARD.

CAN’T REMAKE THE PAST MUST CREATE A FUTURE.

Which Galad pretty much echoes only, you know, more eloquently.

‘But this swamp,’ Bornhald said, glancing to the side as a large serpent slid through the underbrush. ‘Our maps say we should have been out of it by now.’

‘Then surely we are near the edge.’

‘Perhaps,’ Dain said […] ‘Unless the map is in error.’

SYMBOLISM THICKER THAN THE SWAMP. I love this, I really do. I’m just laughing through this entire set of descriptions but this is just so perfectly ‘I Don’t Think You’re Only Talking About The Swamp There, Boys’ and neither of them quite realise it and it’s excellent.

Galad stepped off to the side, climbing a small hill.

While his half-brother is climbing an enormous mountain. Step it up, Galad.

Oh he’s giving an Inspiring Speech.

‘But it is on the deepest nights when light is most glorious.’

Unless it’s Choedan Kal balefire in which case… well okay, in fairness, that was also glorious, for a certain definition of the word.

‘We are hunted by those who should love us, and other pathways lead to our graves.’

Then maybe you should be worthy of their love. As for pathways leading to your graves, you know what they say about the paths of glory, right?

‘We will face this test with heads held high.’

That’s the core of it, really. It’s about choosing to fight, and knowing why you fight. It’s Rand’s epiphany in miniature. That this is going to fucking suck, but they’ll face it not because they have to but because they’re fighting for something, and because they choose to face this.

Byar wants to take a detour via the White Tower for a bit of petty destruction on their way to the Last Battle and Galad’s like nah we kind of need magic on our side. Credit where it’s due, I suppose.

‘but the Children of the Light will be leaders at the Last Battle.’

I mean, you might have to queue for that particular role, but I suppose it’s good to have ambitions.

Oh, he’s not planning to take on Asunawa, because sometimes retreat really is the better part of valour, especially when ‘retreat’ in this case is ‘turn towards a much larger battlefront for the future of the entire world’. Again, fair. And hey, look at that, Galad’s learning to prioritise.

A dead forest with sickly moss and a river full of corpses? Which battle was this? It sounds almost like the Blight, but they’re in approximately the entirely wrong place for that. Perrin’s attack on Malden, maybe? Or Tylee’s force being ambushed by Trollocs?

Galad set his jaw. ‘Can this be forded?’

‘It’s shallow, my Lord Captain Commander,’ Child Barlett said. ‘But we’ll have to watch for hidden depths.’

Not to mention hidden MEANINGS. *Finger guns*

I’m so sorry.

He hiked up his trousers as far as he could

How scandalous.

Likely a village upstream had been attacked for its food.

I think perhaps a village upstream was attacked for its Faile, but I could be wrong.

The ground is uneven! Footing is uncertain! A misstep could mean death! No additional meanings to be found here, none at all…

‘Burn those clouds. I can never tell what time it is.’

‘Four hours past midday,’ Galad said.

In which Galad has taken the Keen Mind feat. (And in which yes, I am a total fucking nerd).

Trom’s like are you sure Andor’s a good idea and Galad’s like it’s fine I have a summer home there.

Light send that Elayne held the Lion Throne. Light send that she had escaped the tangles of the Aes Sedai, though he feared the worst. There were many who would use her as a pawn, al’Thor not the least of them. She was headstrong, and that could make her easy to manipulate.

Galad, when this is all over, you and your sister need to have a talk. And you and Gawyn both need to stop underestimating her.

‘To abandon the Children now, after killing their leader, would be wrong.’

Trom smiled. ‘It’s as simple as that to you, isn’t it?’

‘It should be as simple as that to anyone.’

Galadedrid ‘what do you mean, morality is complicated’ Damodred, everyone. And this is why he continues to by turns bore and infuriate me, despite all his damn then he did dance and his fucking all his grace, turned in an instant to fluid death and fighting Valda in efforts to make me like him. I will NOT.

‘Even if we have to make alliances with the Dragon Reborn himself, we will fight.’

Yeah about that. Also I desperately want to see what happens when he learns about their, uh, relationship. Then again, having grown up in the mess that is the Damodred-Trakand family, maybe it wouldn’t even be a surprise. ‘Oh, another somewhat dysfunctional familial relationship? Yeah, sure, add it to the pile.’

Okay seriously what is with the trees here? We are way too far south for the Blight but the fact that they’re dead and fuzzed with something malignant has been brought up three times now and we all know the rule of threes in foreshadowing.

No, even his memorisation of maps will not endear me to Galad. Nor his ‘pain can be dealt with’. I refuse.

Oh look at that, it’s an ambush.

So about that whole not wanting to face Asunawa…

This march through the swamp had been suggested by his scouts. Galad could see it now; it had been a delaying tactic

And also, you know, symbolic. The traitorous scouts, loyal to the Whitecloaks under Asunawa – the corrupted Whitecloaks, those who ostensibly stand for the Light but whose deeds represent anything but – trying to drag Galad, the white knight and redeemer, through the swamp even as he tries to bring them to somewhere better, to what they should be.

Oh he’s going to try to talk to Asunawa. That’ll end well.

Asunawa was not smiling. He rarely did.

Sorry Asunawa, but Demandred’s pretty much got the market cornered on that one, and he carries it far better than you.

Oh hey, two leaders of rebel factions facing each other down? A parallel drawn between two entities – Whitecloaks and Aes Sedai – who believe themselves enemies.

‘Surely you would not ignore the rules of formal engagement?’ Galad said.

Because surely everyone is as lawful-good as you, Galad. There’s a belief that will cause you nothing but pain. But please, proceed.

And now Asunawa’s calling him Darkfriend, and this really is playing out as a parallel, of sorts, to Elaida against Egwene.

Asunawa hesitated. Naming seven thousand of the Children as Darkfriends would be ridiculous

First (semantic) blow to Galad.

‘I am no Darkfriend.’ Galad met Asunawa’s eyes.

‘Submit to my questioning and prove it.’

Oh.

That uh… is a… not entirely unappealing option, from my own perspective as a reader who enjoys far too much seeing characters put through hell, especially if they do so defiantly or as a sacrifice and anyway my point is I would not be opposed to this.

It's just that Galad, for all that he is Not My Type, is the type of character who could carry torture well. I’m just saying.

‘Tell me, do the Children of the Light surrender?’

Golever shook his head. ‘We do not. The Light will prove us victorious.’

I have to appreciate Galad’s approach here: taking the very principles of the Whitecloaks – as they are meant to be – and using them as weapons against Asunawa. Because it is, in a way, the very epitome of fighting fair. He doesn’t strike, doesn’t threaten, doesn’t even really argue. He lets Asunawa’s men, and the Whitecloaks’ own doctrine, make his arguments for him.

‘You see that I am in a predicament. To fight is to let you name us Darkfriends, but to surrender is to deny our oaths. By my honour as the Lord Captain Commander, I can accept neither option.’

In which Galad fucking Damodred catches everyone else in his moral dilemma of two things that are right, yet opposite. It is, for his character, almost annoyingly perfect.

‘Do you deny that you yourself watched me face Valda in fair combat, as prescribed by law?’

Okay okay okay you know what I love? I love that he’s fighting Asunawa, the leader of the Questioners, with questions.

Because Asunawa isn’t asking any. He’s making accusations and threats, and Galad is parrying them with questions. To Asunawa, to those who stand by him. He arms himself with questions and lets the answers make his point and that? Is brilliant.

‘But I would not call that fight fair. You drew on powers of the Shadow; I saw you standing in darkness despite the daylight, and I saw the Dragon’s Fang sprout on your forehead.’

I feel like there’s a missed opportunity in Galad’s entire character: what if he could channel? That would be so full of interesting potential. Both as an internal conflict, because how would he reconcile being a man who could channel with his utter certainty about doing what is right, but also for his entire role. The leader of the Children of the Light, who hate the ‘witches’ perhaps more than the Shadow itself…

Ah well.

‘Tell me. Is the Shadow stronger than the Light?’

Powers of the Shadow? No. Galad fights with powers of rhetoric.

But again, he’s just asking questions. Perfectly crafted questions to illustrate his point, but he’s still just asking questions of a Questioner and letting the Whitecloaks’ beliefs show him to be the one who truly holds to them. What a play.

‘You have no rights as a Darkfriend! I will parley no more with you, murderer.’ Asunawa waved a hand, and several of his Questioners drew swords.

Because they cannot face Galad’s questions. Galad asks, and they reply with swords. Because Asunawa cannot continue to hear them. He represents everything they should be, and they cannot face it, cannot let themselves recognise it, and so the draw swords and everything about this is excellent.

Asunawa would win a battle, but if Galad’s men stood their ground, it would be a costly victory. Both sides would lose thousands.

‘I will submit to you,’ Galad said. ‘On certain terms.’

You know who he reminds me of here? Loath as I am to admit it? Egwene. Facing an enemy who should be an ally, and fighting not for victory against them but for the entity they both should represent. Fighting for the cause, rather than fighting against the person. Willing even to submit, if it will bring unity and spare bloodshed. ‘I wish the Tower had a great Amyrlin in you’, Egwene said to Elaida. Neither fought for pride or for ego or for leadership – or at least, none of those things were the sole aim. Instead, they are fighting to make an organisation that should stand for the Light but has fallen into corruption and division into what it should be, what it always should have been.

And I do sort of wonder – I can’t even believe I’m saying this but HERE WE ARE – why Egwene ends up with Gawyn and not Galad after all.

‘You swear – before the Light and the Lords Captain here with you – that you will not harm, question, or otherwise condemn the men who followed me.’

There is one very glaring exception in that protection, Galad. I… assume this is intentional and I’m way more here for it than I should be. Carry on.

‘You cannot hinder the Hand of the Light in such a way! This would give them free rein to seek the Shadow!’

‘And is it only fear of Questioning that keeps us in the Light, Asunawa?’

QUESTIONING THE QUESTIONER. I’m still just not entirely over this as a rhetorical strategy – asking questions as a form of attack, sure, but it has that extra layer of being a tactic against the Questioners that just. Really hits me right in my appreciation for narrative symmetry.

‘The Dragon Reborn walks the land.’

‘Heresy!’ Asunawa said.

‘Yes,’ Galad said. ‘And truth as well.’

Oh man, that is a line. He will deny the accusations that he is a Darkfriend, but he does not deny this. Does not deny that it is heresy. But that does not make it a lie.

And Galad can accept that: can accept that even heresy must be faced, if it is the right thing to do. Heresy must be faced and accepted, if it is true. What cannot be changed must be endured, and Galad is… oddly, perhaps, not one for denial. He doesn’t try to turn from that truth, no matter what he may feel about it.

‘If we fight, we will kill good men, Child Bornhald,’ Galad said, without turning. ‘Each stroke of our swords will be a blow for the Dark One. The Children are the only true foundation that this world has left. We are needed. If my life is what is demanded to bring unity, then so be it.’

It is so very like Egwene. So very like what she said to the Aes Sedai who supported her and opposed her alike. They are not fighting for power; they are fighting because they see what is needed – and if their death rather than their ascendance can bring that, they will face that just as willingly as the responsibility of leadership.

I also had to smile a bit at the statement that the Children are the only true foundation – because that, too, echoes the Aes Sedai. If the White Tower dies, hope dies. Neither is strictly true because neither is the only force for the Light out there… but in a way that kind of conviction is needed. They just also need to maybe accept that they have some allies. Or should, at least.

WAIT WHAT ASUNAWA IS ACCEPTING THIS OFFER? OH. OKAY.

‘Take him,’ Asunawa snapped.

Yeah I’m here for it.

‘Inform them that I have taken the false Lord Captain Commander into custody, and will Question him to determine the extent of his crimes.’

Look, Galad’s far from a favourite character but there is something about him that suggests he would suffer rather beautifully and I am so sorry.

‘Return to our men; tell them what happened here, and do not let them fight or try to rescue me. That is an order.’

So very, very like Egwene here. Which almost irritates me because Egwene is one of my favourites and Galad is Not, but I have to give Galad some credit: he has made a truly valiant effort in the last few books.

Oh and just…straight to the torture. Cool. This is fine.

One forced Galad to the ground, a boot on his back, and Galad heard the metallic rasp of a knife being unsheathed.

Turns out there are two situations in which I like Galad Damodred. The first: then he did dance, all his grace turned in an instant to fluid death. The second: …this.

Also now he and Rand can have some quality fraternal bonding over their shared experiences with torture. It’ll be fun!

‘I am not a Darkfriend,’ Galad said, face pressed to the grassy earth. ‘I will never speak that lie. I walk in the Light.’

That earned him a kick to the side, then another, and another. He curled up, grunting. But the blows continued to fall.

Finally, the darkness took him.

How fitting, and awful, to follow his utter defiance here – the one thing he does deny, the one thing he does not turn into a question and the one thing he will not surrender: he is not a Darkfriend – with darkness taking him.

It’s also – again, my deepest but not entirely sincere apologies here – very much a good look on him.

Alright, I’ll see myself out.

Next (ToM prologue pt. 3) Previous (ToM prologue pt.1)

[ckret2]

Okay so I got an ask like,

anonymous asked: whose ur favorite Hazbin character? Like your absolute #1 and why?

and technically my answer is Alastor, but Sir Pent is such a close second that I gave my reasons for him too in that ask, and now I’m making a second post about Alastor.

Reasons I really like Alastor but like, only slightly more than Sir Pent:

- Honestly “I can suck ya dick” *IMMEDIATE BRAIN BREAK FACE* is probably the moment I, like, mentally latched on to Alastor’s character, and at that point I don’t think I even knew yet that the creator had said he was ace. It just... I could feel the aceness in my soul. Like that thing where Jedi run into somebody and go “oh you’re strong in the Force, I can tell.” That was just such a perfect and succinct ace joke, and by that I mean like it feels like a joke from an ace perspective. Like it was so relatable.

- tbh half my reasons for liking Alastor are “oh that’s relatable,” which is hilarious, because like... I don’t like characters because I relate to them, ever, but because I think they’re interesting in their strange/different ways. Alastor is the sole exception I can think of where half the reasons I like him is because I look at him and go “oh big mood.” Other ace or aro characters I’ve seen in the past just make me go “oh... okay. cool. nice, representation for me” and then I don’t really care about them. Alastor, though, the SECOND I learned he was ace, something in my brain went “FUCK YES. ONE OF OURS.” I immediately sat down and started writing a character study fic about Alastor being ace/aro in the exact same precise way that I’m ace/aro, and that was even before we got confirmation that he was aro. I was ready to go all in on him anyway.

- Half the reason I like his ace/aro-ness when I don’t care about it as much on other characters is because like... usually, when you get an ace/aro character, it goes one of two ways:

1) their entire character is built around/“in tune with” their ace/aro-ness, in a way. Most obvious when you have the stereotypical “robot/alien that cannot love,” but also seen in “character that is naive and pure and innocent and lustless,” “character that acts like an actual literal child,” “character that acts like a bad autism cliche,” “character that’s too cold or cruel or emotionless to feel love,” etc. And that’s boring, when they’re only ace/aro because the writer cannot imagine a character Like That being any other way, or because the writer cannot imagine an ace/aro being Any Other Way. 

Or, 2) they’re written as “too normal,” as in, like, NOTHING ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITY or life experiences or anything seems shaped AT ALL by the fact that they do not share an internal sense of lust and/or romance that most of the rest of the human species not only has, but also is obsessed with.

And Alastor falls in neither camp. He’s gregarious and talkative and puts on little performances wherever he goes, and he obnoxiously butts in on somebody else’s group project by begging for an opportunity to help out and then obnoxiously volunteers his friends who hate him to help with the group project, and he’s manipulative and dangerous and secretive and violent, and he hides his emotions and he disguises when he’s feeling weak... and also the quickest way to throw him off his game is to make a sexual pass at him because he’s blindsided so hard by it that it’s like for a moment there he forgot that sex exists.

And that’s what I want to see. A character whose personality isn’t based on/tied into his ace/aro-ness, BUT we can clearly see his character IS INFLUENCED by the fact that he views the world through a completely different lens from everyone else.

I can imagine that Alastor had to puzzle through What Is Love/What Is Desire, purely on a psychological “what’s going on inside other people’s heads?” level, as an outside observer incapable of participating it and trying to understand it based on anecdotes and fictionalized accounts and descriptions and conversations, comparing it to the emotions inside his own head and trying to go “so it’s kind of like this feeling plus that one and those, but More, and Different, and in that Other Direction.” I can imagine that as a kid Alastor “decided” to have crushes because he knew it was about that time it should be starting, and it hadn’t happened by then, so maybe what he needs to do is pick whoever he thinks is best-looking and get going with the crushing on them, right? I can imagine that Alastor spent his teen years waiting for his desires to “turn on” the way they did for everyone else, and being slightly puzzled when they took so long, but also okay with it because the more he thought about it the more it seemed like it was probably a nuisance—no one around him was someone he’d like to be attracted to—so he was fine with the fact it was taking so long, and he sort of assumed that it wasn’t because he didn’t have the capacity for desire but because none of his peers were desirable to him. I can imagine that he had his first kiss at like fifteen and thought it was horrible and gagged on it, and within an hour decided this was absolutely hilarious.

I can imagine Alastor having all these experiences—which are experiences I had. I’ve never seen another ace/aro character I can easily and naturally imagine having a single experience in common with me. Because no other ace/aro characters feel to me like ace/aro characters. They’re either characters with an ace/aro sticker arbitrarily and meaninglessly slapped on them, or they’re a walking stereotype about lovelessness.

- Besides Alastor’s spectacular Asexuelle Panique™ face, the other single line that made me latch onto him was “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer! Absolute! Boredom!” There are some very specific character types that I’m an absolute sucker for, and one of them is: extremely powerful character, at the top of their game, unstoppable and uncontrollable and unmatched, a loner who likes it that way, BUT they’re bored as hell, either because they’ve met all their goals or because they don’t know how to set any—and the boredom is eating them up inside, it’s driving them slowly mad, the sheer tedium of trying to fill one day after another with nothing to do is weighing down on them, if depression is usually compared to a heavy rain then this depression is like an endless empty waiting room, or depression like solitary confinement, or depression like an unmoving sun shining on an infinite flat desert, the depression of a completely empty hollow life leveled flat by infinite interminable boredom, a boredom they would do ANYTHING to get rid of, a boredom that’s like a withdrawal, a boredom that makes your hands shake and your pulse quicken with desperate need for the drug to stave off the withdrawal symptoms, but god, you don’t even know what the drug IS, you just know you NEED it, some form of stimulation, ANY stimulation, you’re going mad in this empty desert with your hands trembling and the withdrawal clouding your mind—

Have I mentioned that I have ADHD? Did you know that untreated ADHD can result in depression specifically due to chronic mental understimulation? I keep telling myself “bruh, don’t headcanon Alastor as having ADHD, you don’t even headcanon that he has any other traits that line up with ADHD symptoms,” but like. That one line. “Sheer! Absolute! Boredom!” I felt that in my very bones. There is desperation in that man. There is desperation in him that speaks to me like nothing else does. Like to the point that if it turns out that Alastor secretly DOES have a secret evil manipulative scheme going on I’m going to be annoyed/disappointed specifically because his driving motive isn’t boredom, lmao.

Anyway I feel for characters like that. I like to explore that desperate despairing boredom. I like to force them through that understimulation withdrawal, drive them to do stupid wild desperate things to try to get the stimulation they need. And then, when I’m feeling nice, I like to help them find a cure. Usually I imagine the cure is “dude, you’re such a loner that you’ve cut yourself off from the rest of the human race, you have NO human connections, even when you’re technically interacting with other people you’re still completely emotionally isolated inside your own shell. Make some goddamn friends and start to care about other people and their lives and you’ll find that the act of having other people exist in your world who matter to you will give you that stimulation you’re desperately missing.” Because these desperately bored characters are also desperately emotionally isolated. And they might be happy/content in their isolation—but they’re not doing anything to cure their own understimulation like that.

(“Hey OP is that how you cured your understimulation?” nah I got ADHD meds.)

- Remember everything that I just said about how much I love that Alastor is aro? Well forget everything I just said. Chuck it out the window. Bye.

So every once in a while I find a character that, for whatever reason, I really, really, really want to see pining. I want them to be in love, and I want it to be unrequited, and I want it to go on for years. I want them sobbing in private and then hiding it completely when they face anyone else. I want them to hurt so bad they feel like they can’t breathe. I want them unable to think about anything but their beloved. I want it festering inside them like an infected wound. I want it to hurt. Forever.

(“Hey OP do you uh, do you ever, yknow, want them to get their loved one?” yeah sure whatever)

For some reason, Alastor is one of those characters. Why? I dunno. I haven’t figured out my mental pattern on these ones yet. Maybe it’s specifically because it’s so incongruous with his outward appearance/and attitude. Maybe it’s because he’d do a really really good job at hiding it, but also I think he’s probably kind of a mess inside under his mask, and I think adding unrequited desire under that mask would mess him up anymore in really spectacular ways. Like a china cabinet that shifted in an earthquake so that if you open all the doors all the plates will fall out and break, except they’re already all broken inside of the china cabinet, but he’s in denial about that as long as he doesn’t open the door. I dunno, I’m speculating.

- On that note: I feel like he’s probably, like, hypercompetent and super powerful and super successful on the outside, but actually he’s a sort of screwed up dork who’s got no idea what he’s doing. (I present the furby organ as supporting evidence.) I like extremely powerful deeply feared dorks, ESPECIALLY when they have no idea what they’re doing.

- Also, affable villains. Totally friendly/sociable and totally evil.

- I dig his weird radio schtick. Like, Radio Stuff isn’t a thing I specifically like about characters, but on him I think it’s cool. Character gimmicks that can go a lot of ways and that you can do a lot of stuff with in character development are fun.

I think that covers all the important bases.

[csykora]

hey i was reading your post about evgeny kusnetsov and alexander semin (the friendship necklace one) and i got into hockey somewhat recently but i've heard/read some things about sasha and i was wondering if you could give me a rundown/what your perspective is? you mentioned cultural assimilation, but also social class, ethnic identity, ability, neurodiversity, and trauma and i was really curious what exactly you were talking about??

First, that’s cool you’re getting into hockey! How’s that going? I hope you’re having fun. Second…thanks for making me reread my old writing as we come up on the New Year ;)

That was one of my very first posts, and I think it reads like it—I definitely wasn’t much of a sports writer back then, and (I don’t think) I tell stories quite the same way now.

I don’t think some of those words I used mean much, except that I was angry. So I’d like to spell out what made, makes, me angry. The first half of this is stuff I’ve said before, more organized, with jokes. The second half is not fun, but it’s also something I think NHL fans have a duty to think about. So I want to try to talk about Lokomotiv.

Sasha Semin is the star and captain of a quite good, more fun KHL team. Today he was named to the All-Star team, actually. KHL All-Stars is a magical place where the players sing acoustic covers and routinely set things on fire, so hopefully they’ll let him bring his sword.

(I love the KHL)

Before that, he was the cool big brother of a generation of Russian stars. In the early 2000s the first post-Soviet young players were coming of age and working out what post-Soviet, now-Russian style hockey was going to be. In that moment we got two spectacular players: Sasha from Siberia, and Sasha from Moscow.

The Soviet style of play was supposed to be egalitarian—players skated the opposition sick and pass-pass-passed, always giving it to a teammate instead of taking chances, until whoever happened to have it had a sure shot. The Alexanders grew up in that style, and they grew up fuck-off strong. They started feeding off all their teammates’ passes and beginning to gun down goalies with one of two shots: Alex Ovechkin had the one-timer, and Alex Semin had the best wristshot in the game.

Did you watch Vegas’ magic season? Pull some clips of Wild Bill Karlsson. Imagine if he had upper body strength but was just as light on his feet. That’s how inexplicably electric young Semin was.

His and then Ovi’s performances at World Juniors were so explosive they convinced American businesses to risk money on something new. Semin was oldest, and the Capitals kind of sucked, so they got him first. Then a few years later they still sucked, so they got Ovi too. Then the two of them got Nicklas Backstrom and matching line promise necklaces and played really good hockey together for a number of years.

(If anyone would like 3,000 more nicer words about the above subjects, @ me)

A couple things shaped what happened after that:

▪ Semin’s unique wrister, twisted to be almost as hard as a slapper, is like spending every night downing jägerbombs with a shot of carpal tunnel. He seems to have chronic wrist and hand problems from inflammation, with apparent flare-ups that sometimes got rest and sometimes didn’t. So that’s a factor—not the only, but a—in why he had periods of poor shooting.

▪ Either because he never really went to school or just because he’s wired that way, Semin seems to suck at math.

▪ Ovi’s hot stick and the Sid Incident (Sidcident?): 

In their first interview together, Ovi described him and Sid as “partners”, and Sid asked for Ovi’s shirt. But over the first few years the League swung from branding them as buddies to making money off a rivalry, and Don Cherry started a string of bitter conflicts with Ovi.

Local journalists who knew him wrote about seeing Ovi flinch in interviews. They described him starting to hesitate, pale, tired, doubling back over answers to make sure they were watertight. We now know from Tatyana Ovechina that he was spending a lot of nights on the phone back home with her, asking if he was letting everybody down.

Sasha, who’s basically that guy on twitter who found kittens in his sock drawer and adopted them all, but with little brothers, got protective. He told Russian media that he thought Sid was a good player, but not his favorite, and said that the way the League was pushing media attention could make someone a ‘star’ even if they weren’t that good. The phrase he used means “dead wood”, or boring, useless person. The grammar he used means something like “even if he were (ie, he isn’t)”.

I think this was objectively very funny. And I still hold that anyone saying the level of exposure Sid endured was good for him or anyone sounds like the stage parents on Toddlers & Tiaras.)

But people get protective of their person, and most won’t stop for a grammar lesson before deciding what they think something meant. There was a media blitz, mostly accusing Sasha of wanting the attention Sid got, which made sense, if you didn’t know Russian or two things about him—that he’s best friends with Alex Ovechkin, and that he’d only just started to practice English with local reporters after several years. If he were an egomaniac, he was bad at it.

From his reaction it seems like he hadn’t thought his comment was that wild, and wasn’t prepared for the backlash. Next time he talked to local reporters, he brought the translator back. Asked routine questions he’d been getting for a couple years, he flinched and turned to them to rehearse every word of his answer. Asked what was up with the translator, he said “I just don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

Although teammates like Mike Knuble, Jeff Schultz, Backstrom and Ovechkin kept talking about his personable, joking side, and we’d see it plenty in practice, he started insisting to reporters that he didn’t know English and that he was boring anyway, claiming “I’m just an ordinary person, just like everybody else. The only difference is I’m out there on the ice and that’s it. I’d just rather talk about hockey.”

–> Without math or English, Semin’s career depended on his agent, Mark Gandler.

Try not to depend on Mark Gandler.

As the Globe and Mail put it, “to many Canadian hockey fans, Mark Gandler is nothing less than the Prince of Darkness.”

Mark Gandler’s business was based on presenting himself as a friendly face to young Russian athletes, and pissing of NHL franchises. I’m pro-pissing off the NHL in general; my problem with Gandler is that if he was sincerely trying to get the best deal for him clients, he was bad at it..

When anyone talks about something Semin decided, they’re talking about what Gandler decided for him. Semin was honest with the media that he had no fucking clue what Gandler was asking for in negotiations. The Caps and Gandler couldn’t agree on anything, so while Ovechkin was locked down for life, Semin was only ever signed to one and two year bridge contracts, constantly up, his performance a constant subject of discussion and every wobble obvious.

Note: the following is the bit where I got angry and A. asked why the hell I was looking at photos of this and told me to go lie on the floor and do my butterfly exercises for a while.

One year Semin’s game really sucked. It didn’t help that Ovechkin was sucking too—they both got benched, Coach got fired, and still the Capitals just kind of sucked. Around the league, Russian stars were mostly fizzling. That was the 2011-2012 season. 

On September 7, 2011, the airplane carrying the Lokomotiv Yaroslavl team, coaching staff, and four youth players had overrun the runway, struck a signal tower, crashed, and caught fire moments after takeoff. Every member of the team onboard was killed.

I can’t understand, so certainly can’t explain, how that day changed the community. I’m not trying to speculate too much on anyone’s personal situation, but to point out how much more profound it was than just some other league’s trivia.

I don’t think there’s a mainstream North American parallel for the hockey community in Eastern Europe. Players are raised in a small number of hockey schools, often at that time in dormitories like the one where Semin lived in Chelyabinsk. While young North Americans are quite strictly separated by age, the Russians are growing up with older and younger kids from the same school all around them. Older teens are encouraged to mentor younger ones—Kuznetsov’s attachment to Semin is endearing, but not really so weird. Stanislav Yarushin is several years older than Sasha, and he befriended him, and then down to Kuz. In a community like that, any one person is intimately connected to the others.

From the coaches to the rookies, someone from three generations across nine nations was killed in the disaster. Each of them was connected not only to their peers, but to players older and younger than them, and to the city that raised them. Every Russian, Czech, and Slovak in the NHL lost at least one person they knew deeply.

Just that spring, Kuznetsov won gold at World Juniors with a little clique of friends. Vladimir Tarasenko, Artemi Panarin, and Dmitry Orlov are stars now, and two of the others are dead.

Kuznetsov is the one draped in the flag. #14, with the awesome hair, smiling, is Danylo Sobchenko. #12, reaching up towards the cup, is Yuri Urychev. Urychev had been injured, and supposed to stay home the day of the disaster, but he asked to be allowed to fly with them, so he could cheer for his friends.

Tarasenko himself was born in Yaroslavl, and his father played for Lokomotiv; he knew even more of the team, and if he’d taken a hometown offer instead of signing with Sibir, he would have died that day too.

The thing about a loss like this is that it keeps budding with new losses. It hadn’t been a problem with the plane, or a freak accident. Over the following month a miserable investigation revealed that the airline had fudged documents, and the pilots just didn’t know what they were doing. So as well as losing friends, the younger players lost any trust that people in authority were going to keep them safe in the future.

After the disaster, Ovechkin, Semin, and Malkin had to hold their phones waiting while Alexander Galimov (a friend from nationals) was found with burns over 80% of his body, stabilized, transported, placed in a medically-induced coma and ventilated. He finally died five days later. The day he died Tarasenko and Kuznetsov and all the others got back on their own planes and kept playing, so the NHLers just had to keeping waiting up for them, too. Now Tarasenko and Kuznetsov have little brothers on those planes. They’re better fucking planes now, because the disaster changed Russian law, but they’re still not great.

In a grim way, Semin and Ovechkin were lucky, because they had each other. At the time almost no NHL team had as many Eastern Europeans as the Caps, meaning almost all the others were alone.

Of course it just wasn’t possible for the North American public to grieve with them the way that Europe did, but how quickly it was boxed away and forgotten as a factor in players’ lives just…sucks.

You don’t just grieve somebody when you lose them; people who aren’t sure what to say will say it fades with time, but what it really does is rise and fall in waves. You grieve them when you lose them, and again when you’re as old as they were and realize how insufficient it really was, and again, when you’re older than they’ll ever be, when you’re old enough to see children their age. Like injuring your wrist, you can get back to work, but never back to exactly what you were before. 

Five years later, when Tarasenko scored his 100th goal, he dedicated it to Sobchenko and Urychev. 

Most of a decade later, Alex Ovechkin wears the Lokomotiv crest on his chest protector, over his heart.

So if we know all that, we can start to imagine why they sucked at hockey.

Actually, after a slow start to the season, Sasha sucked the least of all the Capitals. Always a stronger possession player than Ovechkin, Sasha actually recovered after the Caps brought in Dale Hunter, who ripped up the Goals First, Goals Always game plan and tried to make Ovi play defense. Sasha ended the season with the best possession metrics on the team (yes, including Nicke Backstrom). 

His goal-scoring didn’t recover, but that was because Coach Dale was basically treating him like Ovi’s security blanket, putting him on the second line with Mojo so Ovi couldn’t cuddle him until Ovi backchecked. Mojo (this is a Science fact) is not Nicke Backstrom.

The reason the Capitals traded Semin is they desperately needed to trade someone to make up for the team’s collective failures that year, he could be traded due to his shitty contracts, and he was worth trading. 

I’m not actually angry the Caps traded Semin. It made sense. I am mad the Habs did, because it was one of many decisions made by Marc Bergevin coughing up a heavily-gelled hairball on a depth chart, but hey.

Sports is hard. I don’t mean that teams should keep players who aren’t playing the way that team needs them to out of sympathy. I mean that it’s possible to say that Semin or Ovechkin sometimes play badly without saying they don’t care. It’s possible to name a practical problem without making it a moral one.

Because when we see someone not doing what we want, and we make it moral, we say, “well gosh, I can’t imagine a reason why they aren’t jazzed to do what I want right now, so there can’t be a reason, they just suck,” we’re always wrong, because we miss shit!

In 2011, the common complaint that Russian players “don’t seem to care” went from boring to breathtakingly cruel. 

It’s a collective failure of empathy, where a lot of us didn’t even know that empathy’s needed. How many NHL fans don’t know Lokomotiv existed? If we don’t even know what weight another person’s carrying, we can’t possibly judge them rightly! 

The athletes we’re watching aren’t just cartoon characters for American consumption, who always act and react in easily-readable ways. They’re people with beliefs, behaviors, and problems which might be meaningfully different from what we’re personally familiar with and really hard to sympathize with.  

But when we see someone struggling to do what we want them to, we have to wonder why, and look around to learn more about moments like this, and then offer empathy. I believe that if we have information, most people use it to be kind. So we really fucking need historical information.

I’m back on the floor and don’t have a closer, so here’s a picture of a cat with big mitts like Sasha. His name is Peppers.

[vaguely-concerned]

the mandalorian episode 7 reactions

spoilers under the cut!

- during my rewatches I have been thinking ‘damn baby yoda has witnessed A Lot of murders/seen his dad get hurt even more’ and found it strange it hasn’t affected him more and little did I know they were saving it all to fucking stab me in the heart with one barbed wire-wrapped zweihander. the scared way he shakes his little green head while mando tries to reassure him fjskdfhaksd T___________T 

cara tho of all people. okay this is kind of a crazy idea but bear with me: what if baby yoda picks up a lot on mando’s feelings (in a wordless baby-with-a-Force-connection sort of way -- almost a metaphoric heightening of how babies actually attune to their caretakers in real life), and normally mando is a bit detached/dissociated around others but he’s starting to warm up to and trust cara and it’s bringing him a bit more online and the baby reads that engagement/excitement as danger because that’s the only thing he has to compare it to? like they’re clearly actually having fun but the baby wouldn’t know that because uh mando has never just had fun around him before and to the baby adrenaline seems like adrenaline no matter the source. that might be completely off base but it was what dropped into my brain right away so *shrug*

I’m so grateful mando doesn’t get mad at bb even when he gets scared like that though. it’s good for my soul. 

- cara and mando being bros is Life, is Love 

- but most of all CARA!!! I love her!!! and the effortless way mando put down his trump card.... “sorry got stuff to do people to beat up no can do my helmeted friend” “’kay. by the way we’re going Imp hunting” “:D:D:D when do we leave”

- KUIIL Y_____________Y actually I refuse (REFUSE) to accept it until someone finds his body and confirms he’s actually dead, I believe denial is my prerogative it’s almost christmas for goodness’ sake  

- when cara, greef karga and mando are about to leave for the town I actually SCREAMED at the screen “MANDO REASSURE YOUR CHILD AND TELL HIM EVERYTHING’S GOING TO BE OKAY BEFORE YOU LEAVE HE NEEDS SOME SAFETY” and then he didn’t and then I cried 

- pedro pascal did some Things with his voice in this one and it was mean and unfair and uncalled for and awful. the honest hurt and fear in his voice when he says “It tried to kill him”? END ME

- mando straight up doesn’t seem to know anything about the Force at all, or at least not in a way that lets him connect it to the baby. maybe he vaguely knows jedi were a thing but not quite what they actually were. I like that, an interesting showcase of the different perspectives through the galaxy. (maybe finding someone to help out with this is going to be the story arc for next season?

- I actually think this is the first episode where they’ve tried to cover too much in too little time and had to drop the emotional consistency as a consequence. it’s understandable since they need to get all the pieces set up right for the finale, but it didn’t quite work for me (by which I mean for the love of god I needed just one scene, however short, of mando and baby yoda connecting properly with nothing else going on to help me through the stress/reaffirm the bond so it’s unbearably fresh in your mind what this is all for. yes that’s right I wanted them to hurt me more that’s how I roll)

the stuff Kuiil was doing there with his droid story also felt slightly disjointed? out of tune with the rest of the episode? I like him very much and I think I see what they were going for but it felt a little off? mando gently being faced with the fact that droids are naturally neutral and that it’s people who decide what to make them/teach them (yessss go off kuiil!) deserves more space to breathe, this is definitely my least favourite episode so far  

- lol @ the empire dude. ‘yeah okay but apart from all the genocide what did we even do to anyone tho???’ in the end he seemed to earnestly admire mandalorian culture in an almost fanboyish way, which doesn’t really surprise me; there must be some decent overlap between people who believed in the empire and people who think the mandalorian tendency towards militarism and (periodic) expansionism is Cool. (which is why I traditionally haven’t cared much for them, incidentally, they’ve always sort of bored me as a warrior culture before this series added some mystical/more overtly religious overtones to the whole thing)

also loved how mando gave him  n o t h i n g  at all to work with and cara’s ‘who the hell is this guy??’ to the new bad guy lol

- mando averting the fight between kuiil and cara just by being soft and asking for help/reminding them of the kid ;___; I love him he knows how to deescalate a situation when he wants to 

also the parallell between baby yoda protecting mando and the droid hovering ready to protect kuiil... right in the feels man. also kuiils air of dignity and experience is so effective. pls be my gruff no-nonsense grandpa who helps me with my computer kuiil

if kuiil is actually dead (which I continue to REFUSE but if) I get the feeling that mando is going to have to Reevaluate some things basically out of respect to his memory, since the way he describes putting this droid back together is framed so heavily as parenthood and surely there must be some empathy for that at least behind that beskar chest plate at this point

I have been thinking that adding a droid to mando’s little uh ‘crew’ would be thematically appropriate so maybe that’s what going on? kuiil said he could reprogram it for childcare, perhaps we’ve found the babysitter we’ve been begging for

- the one-sided vendetta between mando and the very soft spoken, very conscientious, very polite droid is hilarious. mostly because it thus far has manifested mainly in mando presumably glaring behind the helmet and being slightly snippy in saying he won’t come down for dinner like a fucking teenage boy in a sulk fjskdafhsd (I am slightly forgiving of him because droids pointing guns at the kid must be trigger central for him and I can sympathize, it’d take some time to change)

- some other high points of hilarity: three blurrgs and four people in mando’s tiny rustbucket of a ship. “It’s trying to eat me!”. the fact that greef karga was ABSOLUTELY planning to double cross them from the beginning and admitting it openly, he ain’t ashamed (the ‘mando get better friends’ campaign continues). mando describing the spectacular firefight at the end of ep 3 as ‘a bit of a run-in’. baby cackling as he finally gets a turn behind the steering stick of the razor crest. the mysterious multiplying four storm troopers (‘you said four fucking storm troopers karga!!!!’) phenomena. “well there are more. what can I tell you”. mando, with perfect disdain: “on your wall”. the panicked force choke was upsetting but the fact that ‘we do not strangle our friends’ was the Mando Parenting Lesson of the day is undeniably kind of funny.  

- anyway I am here and ready to pass out from stress waiting for mando to lose his entire shit and go on a roaring rampage of rescue to save his kid in the next episode (I swear to GOD disney there better not be any between-season cliffhangers about this or I will fucking riot/possibly just die)

ETA: I FORGOT TO MENTION: credit where it’s due the flamethrower did pull it’s weight in this one, I still think he should invest in something more reliable but it did the trick this time and fair is fair

[hlupdate]

Harry Styles sumptuous new video for Lights Up took the world by storm last week. Exclusively for GQ, the young, half-American, half-British designer Harris Reed shares the inner workings of how Styles’ killer blue outfit for the brand-new solo song came together...

If you know about Harris Reed, you know. And if you don't? Well, keep up at the back. Reed is one of fashion's most exciting new talents, his designs lauded for their sparkly romance, their craft and unbridled otherworldliness. Reed came to GQ's attention a couple of years ago while he was still at Central Saint Martins, his designs already imbued with a silhouette that was both modern and nostalgic, all washed with an achingly cool, non-binary LA energy: his aesthetic has darkness, light, glamour and a non-threatening sense of their own sexiness. His designs aren't just gender-fluid, they're like wearing liquid gold.

Fashion's worst-kept secret is the fact that Reed has been working with Harry Styles for a couple of years now, making one-off outfits for the singer's spectacular stage shows and offering the musician looks that seem in harmony with his renewed sense of self and megawatt style. Last week, when Styles' lascivious, wonton, sweaty and damn good new song, "Lights Up", was blasted out into the world, we noticed it was one of Reed's bespoke designs that the artist had decided to wear for his second solo jaunt. As the video caught fire and went global, we called the ever-charming Reed to talk to him about working with Styles, how the outfit for "Lights Up" came about exactly and just how far he thinks Styles is willing to go with his new covetable gender-blurring aesthetic...

GQ: Hey Harris, nice talking to you again. How's it going?

Harris Reed: "Well, I have a stinking cold, which is the worst. Especially when you are supposed to be working and selling a collection, it can seem like it's ruining your life. But it's OK, I will get through it."

Congratulations on your design for Harry Styles' outfit for "Lights Up". You must be thrilled?

"Thank you, I am really happy. And it's cute as well that Harry made his little icon photo on Instagram an image of the outfit from the video. Quite pleased to say the least."

When did you first start working with Harry Styles?

"My big connect with Harry goes back to Harry Lambert, his stylist, who was the first person I ever worked with and the first person who pulled in any of my clothes years ago. I had that relationship with him starting about two years ago and after a while [Lambert] told me, 'I think you're ready, even though you're right at the beginning of your career, to meet this person...' I pulled some designs together – I didn't really know who it was at this point – but I put together some references. Jimi Hendrick and [David] Bowie and Mick Jagger – you know, just classic rock’n’roll iconic frontmen whom I could see in the designs. Then that's when I heard that it was actually for Harry Styles."

When did you first meet Harry?

"It was November 2017 at one of his shows, at the Hammersmith Arena, and I got a text message from Harry Lambert saying, 'OK, just meet us at the stage door.' It was insane – a sea of screaming girls, men and women were fainting and being taken away in ambulances... I was like, 'What the fuck?' It was insane. And so I found the stage door and went up to this woman who was wearing this huge red coat and I went, 'Hi, I am here to see Harry Styles.' Obviously she laughed in in my face, saying something like, 'Who the fuck are you?' I replied, 'I am going to be Harry Styles' designer.' Like that, I'm not sure where the bravado came from! She goes, 'Of course, come with me.' I was led me through the crowd and right then and there I met Harry and the rest is history, I guess."

How much steer did Harry give you initially for the clothing?

"Honestly, Harry [Styles] was truly the way I envisioned. I think it was Harry Lambert who originally gave me some references for the first work I did for him. It was never a strict brief, but initially I only had about a day to put something together, like, the day before. It was so late to the process. It was more how I could see my designs adapting for him. And then when I went into the meeting I was like, 'Let's do ruffles!' I went a bit crazy, and that's when [Styles] got a lot more involved and was steering me in the direction he wanted. But Harry [Styles] was so open to what I saw for him and what I wanted was an old-world elegance rather than seeing some hot guy in skinny jeans and a T-shirt jumping around on stage – which can work and is amazing - but I wanted to make this aesthetic far more romantic. Watching him as he performs on stage, he is so explosive and amazing at dancing and moving around... Listen, I have so much respect for Gucci and what they do for him, but because of that relationship he was wearing so many suits, so I felt like what I could offer was more fluid, a flounciness or a different silhouette, billowy sleeves and so on. Even the outfit I did for the 'Lights Up' video was sleeveless and the trousers had a slight flare, so he could dance and do his pelvic thrusting, which he loves to do."

The outfit for Lights Up, when did you start working on this particular style moment for him?

"I was coming back from my week-long hiatus in LA during the summer after finishing at Gucci, so I was exhausted. I was in New York and Harry [Lambert] got in contact to say, 'Hey, I don't know if you're up for this but Harry would love you to do something for the next video.' All top secret, of course. All he sent me were two Pantone colours of blue with a note: 'It needs to be in this shade of blue; I can't tell you too much else.' And I was like, well, OK. And at the time I wasn't drunk... But let's say I was enjoying myself in NYC and it was really late at night and Harry [Styles] was actually there shooting his Rolling Stone cover and, as a coincidence, his stylist was like, 'Can you get some ideas to me really quickly. He needs to be able to move in it and it needs to look like he's about to go on stage and take the world.' So I kind I thought, 'movement', 'take the world' and 'stage' and got to work..."

Did you design it straight away?

"Yeah, I was in a bar, [The Bowery Hotel] so I asked the barman for a napkin and he handed me this piece of paper and I did a chicken scratch drawing and sent it back to Harry right away. He was like, 'This is perfect.' I did so many more sketches at the time, but he liked this one, it was so easy and clean and it reminds me a bit of David Bowie's 'Dog Days' but more sparkly and upbeat and less linen and long hair."

Did you have time for fittings and so on?

"Erm, no! We made the piece literally in three days. I got back from NYC with that sketch and they were leaving on a plane to do the video imminently. So I landed in London, went to all my favourite fabric shops in Soho, running around like a crazy madman with all these Pantone swatches of fabric. I have dozens of photos of all these different hues of blue. We ended up using a blue silk moire as it needed to be water resistant, or not water resistant, just be able to work with water, so reflective and shiny without being too heavy and not too hot, as the video was being filmed in South America. And we didn't have any time to do a fitting, so I had to fit the whole outfit on myself. Harry and I have very different body proportions so we were just very lucky. I remember they flew to South America to shoot the video and Harry [Styles] texted me, 'It fits! It works!' And I was in fucking heaven. I didn't sleep for a solid three days doing that outfit so I was thrilled."

This isn't the first outfit you've made for Harry Styles. Where are all those incredible one-off designs stored? Surely this archive must be preserved somewhere?

"I can't say where it is located, but everything goes to an archive. It's basically like a giant refrigerator – a frozen vault – somewhere in London where I am not going to disclose. But the clothes all have 24 hours surveillance, which you can look at via an iPad, specifically done for his outfits, and they have all been cryogenically frozen in time to preserve them. That's also what is more surreal for me. After his first solo tour that I produced 14-15 looks for – he wore about six or seven – I was wondering where the others were and he was like, 'Don't worry, they are all under surveillance.' I was like, 'Oh, that's chic.'"

Can you tell us what is next in the pipeline for you and Mr Styles?

"Hmm... Let me see what can I say. I think people can expect some pretty crazy, fabulous things coming. I can't say too much. I think with Harry I am hoping this is really just the beginning and as he evolves with his own music, and I evolve as a young designer, I hope we can work on more possible projects and clothes and... things!"

Do you hear the music before you make the outfits for him?

"I think the way he speaks about the music, the way he speaks about the process is a real influence on me as a designer. I was lucky enough to go an see him in the studio this summer, and just seeing the passion and the ideas... I am someone who talks a lot with my hands and he's the same, like he's really orchestrating his whole universe. Even the way the 'Lights Up' video was teased, it's never just music with him as for me it's never just clothes – it's the message too. That is what inspires me. I hope I get to hear little teasers of new music along the way, although I always have his stuff sort of on a loop in the studio anyway... Old school rock’n’roll and dashes of Harry Styles along the way."

Do you ever get intimidated by the fact these designs will make up part of his musical legacy?

"Honestly, from a design perspective, I don't worry, because when he tells me he loves something nothing else really matters. And because I'm not just designing a black T-shirt or a simple pair of trousers, I am making a statement, so it actually takes the pressure off me. I don't worry about it if he doesn't. I worry more about a seam splitting open. I remember he wore a few outfits for his big tour of Asia and I made all those outfits on my £50 sewing machine while eating chicken nuggets at five in the morning. I was still studying, and I don't have a proper atelier, so its those technical worries that are the things that stress me out. People don't know this but there's a picture in Rolling Stone where he is near naked holding a ping pong bat and the caption is something like, 'Harry waiting for a garment to be fixed' and it was my garment and the zipper had ripped right off. But he sort of says, 'Let's take this fashion risk together', so nothing else matters. As I said, if he loves it, I am happy."

Ever feel like you're pushing him too far with your designs?

"[Laughs.] He is so lovely and I don't think he ever wants to tell someone 'no' but there's definitely been a time when I laid out the designs from the most timid to the craziest, and when we got the craziest, he does this thing with his lips where he smiles, but he he's like, 'OK, we're not going to go this far.' But it probably involved an outfit with his ass hanging out or some huge Liberace cape... So he's always open, but sometimes I can see in his eyes that he's not quite there with me. I try to read those little mannerisms."