#spencer reid should have been bi

[bucker3911]

idc what you say or what you think but this is 1000% true. stfu

[only-one-brain-cell]

I feel like I’ve posted this exact same thing before but I’m doing it again because it sounds like the production has never herd of bisexual in their lives.

[reiding-writing]

mistletoe [ s.r ]

Summary:

Spencer accidentally slips to the team that he doesn’t like Christmas, and you take it upon yourself to try and change his mind during one of your bi-weekly movie nights.

WARNINGS: mentions of schizophrenic episodes, mentions of divorce, slight miscommunication

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

genre: 99% fluff, tiny bit of angst, two oblivious idiots in love

wc: 4.6k

masterlist!!

a/n: watch someone who doesn’t like christmas, write about a reader who does like christmas 😭 thanks to ml @flowersfromautumn for beta reading this for me 🫶🫶

Spencer Reid was not a Christmas person.

The rest of the team found it a little ironic, especially considering his overwhelming love for halloween, but he wasn’t going to tell them that the reason he hated the holiday season was because his mother’s paranoia spiked during them. He wasn’t going to tell them that the last time he’d tried to do something with his family for the holidays it ended with his mother locking herself in her bedroom for three straight days and Spencer finding a copy of divorce papers half-hidden under his father’s work files.

He wasn’t going to tell the team that the whole month of December felt like a massive dissociation for him every single year to the point where - despite his eidetic memory - he couldn’t remember most of the Christmases of his childhood.

His younger years were enjoyable, at least, he thinks so; Filled with festivities and family-bonding. But as his growth was overshadowed by his mother's battle with schizophrenia, the jingling bells and festive lights brought memories of unpredictable episodes, turning what should have been joyful celebrations into overwhelming anxiety and stress.

The only Christmas he had a clear memory of was the one in 1990, the day he found out that his family was no longer a family at all. That’s a lot for a nine year old to handle, even if his mind preceded his age twice over.

“Spencer?” You knock - kick - at the front door of Spencer’s apartment, right on time for your bi-weekly movie session. “Spencer Reid? Hellooo?”

It takes a minute for Spencer to open the door, adjusting his thick-rimmed glasses as he does so. “Sorry I was just-“

Spencer cuts himself off as his eyes meet the large cardboard box in your hand, noting how you’re leaning it on top of your thigh with your leg balanced in the air so you don’t drop it. “What’s that for?”

“You’ll see,” You give him a half-smug smile as you push your way past him into his apartment, dumping the box on his coffee table and shaking out your arms to relive them of the ache of carrying its weight for the last several minutes.

Spencer follows soon after you, pushing the door closed and tilting his head at the box like a puppy who’d just been presented with a ball for the first time.

Its oddly endearing, and you find yourself getting distracted from the box as you take in the way the warm lighting of his apartment cascades over the side of his face, leaving a soft shadow that accentuates his jawline in the most perfect way to make your stomach do a flip in your torso and stir a kaleidoscope of butterflies awry in its wake.

You’re thrust back into reality by Spencer speaking your name, his tone so sweet you’re sure it could give you cavities. “What’s in the box?”

“Oh- right, right yeah uh-“ You peel the tape off of one side of the box, peeling it open to let the two flaps at the top of the box loose. “Okay don’t be mad at me-“

You slowly open the box up to let Spencer look inside it properly. It was completely filled to the brim with a collection of miscellaneous decorations fit for the Christmas season, all neatly packed into smaller boxes and plastic containers, separated with labels on each.

Spencer says your name again as his eyes scan the contents of the box, this time with much less sweetness and much more apprehension.

“Why did you—“

Reid cuts himself off for a second time in the last five minutes as he reads the labels on the smaller boxes, getting caught on one lining the main box’s long side. “You brought a tree?”

It’s a small one,”

Spencer looks at you like you’ve just released a mischief of rats into his apartment.

He was expecting to be sat on his couch with you at his side, devouring cheap take-away pizza whilst indulging in multiple hours of re-runs of Doctor Who. Instead, you’d dumped a box of Christmas decorations on his coffee table which he can only assume you’ll hound him into putting up.

He’d been ambushed.

“You know I’m not really fond of the whole Christmas thing,” Spencer says, running a hand through the fluffy mess of brown hair that you would gladly spend hours with your fingers in if he’d let you.

“I know you aren’t Spencer, but this is the time of year where people are supposed to spend time with the people they care about, I’m not going to let you spend it hauled up in an undecorated apartment by yourself,” You begin to unload the boxes onto his coffee table with a soft sigh.

“It’s just another day,” Spencer’s voice is soft, appreciative of you going out of your way to do something like this for him but also not entirely sure of the point of it. “Besides, don’t you have plans with your family?”

“They’re on the other side of the country Spence, and as much as I love them i’m not taking that trip down, just in case something comes up with the team,” You unbox the artificial tree first, pulling it out of its box and tugging the flattened branches outwards to make it look more tree-like. “So i’m saddled up here for the holidays,”

You move the tree over to a side table next to one of the walls of Spencer’s apartment, the dark green complimenting the olive of his walls.

“Do we really have to do this?” Spencer’s voice is non-confrontational, not wanting to fight with you.

“It’ll be fun I promise,” You blink up at him with those eyes of yours and there’s no way in hell he’s going to be able to say no to you.

Spencer sighs softly, dragging his fingers over his closed eyelids under his glasses before reluctantly opening a plastic container labelled ‘lights’, beginning to untangle one of the strings of lights from the others. “I don’t think I’ve put up a tree since I was around eight or nine,”

“You don’t think?” You raise an eyebrow at him as you continue to adjust the faux branches of the tabletop tree.

“I- don’t actually remember most of my Christmases…” Spencer’s pursed smile fills you with an overwhelming amount of upset sympathy that he can immediately read all over your face. “I was never exactly ‘enraptured’ with it anyway,”

That was a total lie.

Spencer tries to shrug off your concern as he successfully manages to untangle the lights. “Did you know that the first ever rendition of ‘Christmas’ as we know it happened roughly 5000 years ago?”

And there goes Spencer’s distraction technique. He’d always manage to turn the attention away from himself and towards something academic when he was becoming uncomfortable with his own vulnerability.

“It was originally actually celebrated on December 21st as a celebration of the mid-winter solstice, and the Neolithics, or new stone age people, would gather around Stonehenge to have feasts and exchange gifts with each other, even playing music associated with the holiday on bone flutes from the cattle used for the feast.”

A part of you wants to stop Spencer’s tangent, to bring the topic back to why Christmas was such a bad time of the year for him as a child that it caused gaps in his memory despite him remembering the rest of his life down to the most minor of details. But another part of you knows that if it’s that bad, maybe it’s best to leave it be. He’ll tell you when he’s ready to.

“So-“ Spencer rummages around for a few seconds in one of his drawers to pull out some batteries for the lights, then turning a warm yellow once they’re powered, twinkling on and off intermittently. “How do we know what goes where?”

He begins to carefully wrap the lights around the length of the tree down in a spiral, leaving the battery box in the small fake pot underneath the tree. He at least knows where to put the lights.

“We vibe it,” You shrug your shoulders softly at his question as you go back over to the coffee table to retrieve your box of baubles, a mix of red and off white, with a few of them covered in glitter.

“We- Vibe it?” Spencer furrows his expression slightly as he watches you arbitrarily place one of the baubles on the tree.

That was one of the things he remembered about decorating with his parents when he was younger. The tree was organised. And he remembers the arguments that spanned from what should have been a family-bonding activity.

The end result always looked more like one of those display Christmas trees in department stores than a Christmas tree put together by a loving family. But he supposes it makes sense considering the dynamic of his parents.

“Yep, we vibe it,” You pick up a second bauble to hang from the tree. “Just try not to put too many of the same colour in one area otherwise it can look a little dodgy,”

“Right- Okay…” It doesn’t take long for him to get a feel for where the baubles should be going, and he follows your lead in hanging them on the branches.

He’s a lot less stressed than the fragmented memories of his show him he should be as he decorates the small tree with you, and he’s sure it’s because the soft smile adorning your features as you pass him baubles of different colours and sizes houses some sort of black magic that just erases all semblance of negativity from his mind.

After a few minutes, Spencer takes a step back from the tree to look over his work, feeling pretty satisfied with himself, a small smile gracing his features that the warm light of the fairy lights only accentuates, casting a soft glow over his face. “Not bad,”

“Ah-” You hold up a hand as you rifle through the box, pulling out a very obviously handmade tree topper in the vague appearance of a fairy. “One more thing,”

“A fairy?” Spencer takes the topper from your hand carefully, as if he’s afraid of breaking it if he were to hold onto it too tightly. “Who made this?”

“I did-“ An almost unnoticeable flush covers your cheeks as you watch him examine the cone of white card with a painted styrofoam head and yarn for hair, wings cut out of translucent iridescent lining and haphazardly folded into shape over jeweller’s wire. “When i was a kid-“

“It’s adorable,” Spencer’s voice proves his genuinity. He feels somewhat touched by the fact that you still had it. “You’ve been holding on to this for years?”

“Yeah- I usually put it on top of my tree at home but I figured that you’d benefit more from it this year than I would-“ Spencer almost melts at your thoughtfulness. It’s honestly one of the sweetest things he thinks anyone has ever done for him. It obviously meant a lot to you, and yet here you were, surrendering it into Spencer’s care to try and make his holiday season more festive.

“That’s- really sweet of you…” He smiles fondly, gently placing the topper on top of the tree, rotating it slightly so it faces into the main portion of his living room. "It looks like you,"

You laugh softly at the statement, “Vaguely,”

The fairy-topped tree now radiates a cozy warmth in Spencer's living room. The soft glow from the lights and the sentimental touch of the handmade topper seem to transform the atmosphere, creating a space that feels more like a home than just a place to reside.

As you both step back to admire the decorated tree, a sense of accomplishment fills the room. Spencer's eyes linger on the fairy topper, appreciating the connection it holds to your childhood and the kindness behind your gesture.

"We’re not done yet,” You grasp both of his shoulders in your hands for a second, giving them a soft squeeze before heading back over to the box to continue decorating around his apartment.

He smiles at the sight of your enthusiasm. “You’re getting carried away,” Spencer’s tone borders a laugh as you start to scatter decorations around his living room.

You hang a line of gold tinsel along the mantle of his faux fireplace, drape a string of fairy lights over his bookshelf, and hand him small festive table toppers for him to scatter into spaces on his home office, and slowly but surely, his apartment radiates that festive energy associated with the Christmas season.

“You can never have too many decorations,” You shake your head softly at Spencer as he glances over the decorations you’d shoved into his hands.

“But do I really need any decorations?” Spencer sighs softly, slowly putting down the decorations flooding his arms down on his dining table, trying not to sound unappreciative of your efforts.

A little part of him wants to tell you that all of these decorations weren’t really making him feel any better about the holiday season; But he wants to see you happy, even if he has no desire to decorate the place himself.

“It’s just me here,” he adds softly.

“That doesn’t matter,” you tilt your head at him slightly as you retreat back to the cardboard box to retrieve more decorations. “Besides,”

Your eyes catch on a small sprig of mistletoe, and you adjust the wiring to flatten it out properly as you pull it out of the box. “You never know,”

“You expect me to bring someone over here?” Spencer laughs in a mix of astonishment and embarrassment. “Who would I even bring over?”

You respond only with a shrug of your shoulders as you pick up one of Spencer’s dining chairs, carrying it over to the front door so that you can stand on it to comfortably reach the door frame.

“This is way too extra,” he says, looking at the mistletoe that’s now being fastened above his front door as he stands at your side, one hand braced on the back of the dining chair to make sure that you don’t accidentally tip yourself over. “What if I bring someone back and it’s all awkward?”

“You just have an excuse to kiss anyone you think is attractive when they walk into your apartment, sounds like a win win to me,” You hop off of the dining chair once you’re finished, bringing it back to its rightful place under his dining table.

Spencer flushes slightly. “You do realize what you’re saying, right?” he asks. “Like you’re insinuating me going out of my apartment, bringing a random person in here, and kissing them immediately upon entry.”

You give him a pointed look that silently tells him that he’s reading too much into it as you pack up the rest of the box, satisfied with your work. “It’s about time you got some lovin’ Spence,”

It’s not like he doesn’t agree with your sentiment, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not extremely flustered.

“I’m not sure anyone is interested,” He says that like he hadn’t almost had a fling with a hollywood actress a few years ago, like he didn’t constantly have women fawning over him during cases, like you weren’t completely head over heels for him to the point where you’d gone out of your way to spend your saturday night decorating his apartment for Christmas to try and make his holiday season a little more enjoyable.

This man had to be the most oblivious profiler in the FBI; And it made you want to cup those beautiful cheeks in your hands and kiss those beautiful pink lips until his beautiful brain understood just how wrong he was.

Spencer clears his throat at his own awkwardness as he tries to move the topic of conversation away from his love life, his eyes flickering around the main room of his apartment. “I uh, you did a good job with the decor,”

“Thank you, thank you,” You oblige to his change of subject with a dramatic bow, fearing you’ll implode if you think about how obliviously attractive Spencer is any longer.

“Now we can watch a movie,” You move the, now thankfully much lighter, box off of the coffee table to give a clear view of the television from Spencer’s couch. “A Christmas movie.”

Spencer’s eyes widen a little bit as you mention watching a Christmas movie. “Is that something I can opt out of?”

“No?” You give him a look of mock offense as you push him over to the couch to sit down, and he reluctantly obliges with a sigh. “It’s a movie night, and it’s the middle of December, we have to watch a Christmas movie, it’s a rite of passage,”

He’s never been a fan of any of the cliche christmas movies, even if they’re supposed to be cheesy and fun.

He’s willing to compromise, though. For your sake.

“Can it at least be a good Christmas movie and not something that has a plot that was clearly written by the Hallmark Channel?”

“We’re watching the Grinch duh,” You furrow your expression as if the movie choice is obvious, handing him the remote as you grab your satchel bag and hurry off into the kitchen.

“I will be back in like two minutes, don’t even think of trying to escape from this,”

“I’m not going anywhere don’t worry,” Spencer sighs with a soft smile as he watches you disappear around the corner. Even if the Grinch movie doesn’t sound like his cup of tea, he’d do just about anything for you.

He scours through Netflix as you busy yourself in his kitchen, and you waltz back out a few minutes later with a small tray housing two steaming mugs and two plastic wrapped candy canes, placing it on the coffee table in front of him. “Et voila,”

Spencer doesn’t have to ask to know what the mugs hold, he can smell the chocolate from his seat. “Alrighty then, christmas movie time it is,”

Spencer watches as you make yourself comfortable next to him, crossing your legs and draping a throw blanket from the arm of the couch over your legs, and it’s hard not to look at you and think about how comfortable it would be for him to lie with his head in his lap with your hands running through his hair. The idea makes him all flustered, and he hides his flush behind his mug as he takes a sip of his drink.

“You’re sure that we can’t just watch Doctor Who like we were supposed to?”

All it takes is a small slump of your shoulders at his question and Spencer’s resolve quickly melts like snow in the sun.

“Alright, you win,” he sighs. “I’ll watch the Grinch.”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to Spence,” You concede defeat at Spencer’s disinterest in watching the film. You’d already forced him into decorating and you were starting to feel guilty for forcing all of this onto him.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Spencer shakes his head softly at you. You’re sharing something that you enjoy with him, who is he to shut you down? Especially considering how many times he’d over shared about his own interests. “It’s only two hours,”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Why did the Grinch’s heart grow three sizes?” Spencer asks, his eyebrow raised as the credits play. “I don’t get it.”

“it’s a metaphor Spence, it doesn’t actually grow three sizes,”

“I know it’s not literally growing,” Spencer dead-pans. “I’m just wondering if there’s a reason why they put three specifically.” He seems to be looking for some deeper meaning in watching this movie, even if he’s not really engaged with it.

“Like is the Grinch’s heart growing meant to be a sign of him becoming a better person?”

“Yeah, because at the beginning it was two sizes too small, so if it grows three sizes, now he has a ‘big heart’ that’s full of love and empathy and all that stuff,”

Spencer’s gaze burns into you as you explain the metaphor to him. It’s not an ‘i’m trying to really understand this‘ gaze, but rather a ‘I’m engaging in something you enjoy and trying to understand and you’re so perfect when you talk’ gaze.

“Like, he’s realising ‘hey Christmas isn’t so bad when you have people who love and care about you to spend it with’,”

“Is that what Christmas is to you?” Spencer asks, his tone genuinely intrigued. “A way of spending time with the people you love?”

“Yeah-“ You give him a small nod, joined with a yawn as you stretch your arms up above your head. “That’s the whole point of Christmas,”

Spencer smiles warmly at you, although he’s not entirely sure whether it’s because of how you describe what Christmas means to you, or because when you stretch you scrunch up your nose like a cat would. “What now?”

“I should probably head home and stop bothering you with my overwhelming desire for christmas to just happen,” You let your arms fall back to your sides with a satisfied sigh, glancing at the grandfather clock Spencer has against his wall. 12:25. Looks like you spent longer decorating than you thought.

“It’s pretty late,”

“Yeah, it is,” Spencer follows your eyes over to the clock, hiding his subconscious disappointment over your inevitable departure as you retreat to his front door to put your shoes on.

“Let me escort you to your car,” he says quietly, following after you. “It’s dark outside.”

You chuckle softly at his offer, leaning your shoulder against his apartment door and lifting up your legs one at a time to tie your shoelaces. “You really don’t have to Spence it’s alright,”

“I want to,” His tone is soft, and you can’t help but notice that he cuts off his sentence abnormally quickly as if his words got stuck in his throat, and as you drop your left leg back down to the floor and turn your head to him, you notice he’s not looking at you, but above you.

Your eyes follow his up to what he’s looking at, catching on the mix of white and green fauna directly above your head.

Oh-

You’d royally screwed yourself over. God damn it. The night was going so well.

As you follow Spencer’s gaze, he immediately becomes distracted by the way your eyes are looking up at the mistletoe above you, glistening softly under the warm lighting in his apartment, and he almost implodes because god damn is your face gorgeous when you’re all flustered.

“Did you know that mistletoe was originally used by ancient celtic druids as a symbol of good luck to protect against evil spirits?”

There’s that distraction technique again. Although, his tangent is much more of a ramble as his eyes examine the mistletoe above the door as if it’s an exhibit in a museum.

“The Greeks also used mistletoe as a medicine for almost every ailment you can think of, from cramping to epilepsy and even poisonings. The custom of kissing underneath mistletoe wasn’t developed until the 1700s when victorians-“

“Spencer stop.”

He does ask you ask immediately, blinking at you as his eyes snap downwards towards your face, his expression a mix of hurt and embarrassment. “Oh- I- I’m sorry I didn’t-“

“Just-“ You put your hand up in front you effectively halting his attempt at an apology. “Stop speaking,”

“Right… I’m sorry…” Spencer purses his lips together, biting the inside of his cheek so hard he’s sure it’ll bleed.

He didn’t want to make the situation uncomfortable. That was quite literally the last thing he wanted to do. God, what was he thinking? Why did he let you hang that god damn plant above his door?

“I’ll- you-“ He takes a sharp breath in, closing his eyes for a second. “I’ll see you on Monda-“

He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence as you again stop him from speaking, but not with a raised hand or a verbal signal.

No. Instead, his words are ripped of the chance to be spoken by a tug on the collar of his t-shirt and a gentle pressure against his lips.

Spencer can’t help the widening of his eyes as your lips press against his, nor can he stop the gasp that escapes his mouth as you effectively swallow his apology with your lips.

Those soft, perfect lips that Spencer had been dreaming about for god knows how long.

No, he knows exactly how long. 1,472 days, 6 hours and 15 minutes.

The sharp tick of the grandfather clock cuts through the soft silence between you.

1,472 days, 6 hours and sixteen minutes.

He effectively melts in your affection, the feeling of your hands sliding into his hair at his temples, the subtle taste of mint on your lips from the candy cane you’d been eating whilst watching the movie.

And the heat, oh, the heat.

He never knew one person could be this hot, this warm.

Spencer’s hands go to your waist as he gently pulls you further against him, his eyelashes fluttering softly as they fall closed.

You're kissing the man of your dreams. And enjoying every second of it.

And the best part? He's enjoying it just as much.

“Merry Christmas Spencer…” Your words are little more than a whisper as you mumble them against his lips, your thumbs tracing slow lines in front of his ears.

Spencer can’t help but gasp softly at the weight of your words, and this time not because you’d caught him by surprise, but because he's completely lost in you.

He’s starting to understand the Grinch metaphor you were explaining to him earlier, although his heart doesn’t feel like it’s growing three times over. It feels as though it’s growing ten times over. A hundred times over. That it might burst out of his chest with just how much he was feeling in this moment.

"Merry Christmas..."

He whispers your name softly, barely able to get it out over the slight quiver in his breathing.

This was the best Christmas present he’d ever gotten.

[it-was-summer]

Come In With The Rain (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

A/N: Hey y'all, I'm so sorry for the late posting. I know that I don't have a new chapter of 'Video Killed the Radio Star' out yet, but stay with me here. This is part one (of two) of my 500 followers post! I want to thank everyone for reading and being so sweet throughout the years. I really hope you all like this first part! The second part will probably be posted sometime this upcoming week. AND IT WILL BE 18+. I'm estimating sometime between Thursday and Saturday. Again, this is not proofread because I never learn. Love you all- Em <3

Link to the Ao3: Come In With The Rain

You are on Part One! -> Part Two (Coming soon...)

Yee olde masterlist

WARNING: Slow burn ahh fanfiction, emotional cheating, an accusation of emotional cheating, couple fighting, sex mentioned, alcohol mentions, drunk reader at one point, light cursing, babygirl Spencer Reid, suggestion BLINK AND YOU MISS IT SUGGESTION that Reid is Bi, reader is referred to as a woman, she/her/hers pronouns at some parts, and mention of feeling like a burden. AND probably something else, idk.

Plot: Spencer Reid becomes friends with you after bumping into you at a grocery store. Instantly enamored with you he develops a crush. A crush, apparently destined to fail, because why wouldn't you have a boyfriend?

Word Count: 10,365 (That's correct... 24 PAGES)

 Day One 

Almost everyone could agree that Spencer’s job was incredibly arduous. If not arduous, it was strenuous, formidable, occasionally crushing, onerous; the list goes on. Overall, his job –despite all its pitfalls– was something he loved. There was one thing he was starting to hate more than anything, though: he couldn’t seem to keep all his groceries from going bad after a week of back-to-back cases. 

Spencer narrows his eyes at his messy handwriting, looking back and forth between the paper in his hands and the cans in front of him. He just couldn’t find the can that he was looking for. Penelope had loaned him her recipe a few weeks back, and despite his disastrous efforts in the kitchen, he was determined to give it a shot. His mother never taught him how to cook –not that he blamed her, of course– so it was truly an area in which he simply lacked a lot of skill. Given his eidetic memory, he didn’t really need a list, but Penelope said this brand was best for her recipe when they talked last week. He didn’t want to risk it, so he wrote it down. 

He turned his head side-to-side, looking for a nearby worker, but found none. The only person in this aisle was him. He frowned a little before the sound of a sigh passing behind him made him jump. He quickly looked over his shoulder to see a woman standing behind him, staring at a list in hand. He couldn’t help but wonder when you had gotten there and how long you had been standing behind him before your sigh alerted Spencer to the presence of another life form in this aisle. 

Your head tilted slowly, your eyes met his, and Spencer felt his mouth drying. He wasn’t charming around beautiful women like Derek; most of all, he hadn’t expected to run into one at the grocery store. Your eyes stayed on Spencer for a second before they moved towards the cans in front of them. Spencer felt like a warmth had just been pulled away from him in the absence of your gaze. 

He shuffles out of your eyeline as you scan the cans with a soft smile. “Thank you,” your voice was light and airy, carrying a softness that Spencer wasn’t used to hearing. Your body is closer to his as you walk toward the cans and carefully reach up on your tiptoes to grab a can of sauce on the highest shelf. 

Spencer gets the idea stupidly slow: He should get it for you. He clears his throat and maneuvers his body to avoid touching the beautiful stranger beside him. He slides the sauce can off the shelf and hands it to you. 

He’s greeted with a dazzling smile, dimples on your cheeks, and eyes shining bright under the fluorescent lights of the grocery store. “Thank you,” you repeat before you stare at him expectantly. 

Spencer can’t help but feel like his IQ is taking slashes as he stares at that smile, “Spencer,” 

You gave him a gentle nod as you walked the sauce over to your cart, “Nice to meet you, Spencer. I’m Y/N.” You say as you look over your shoulder at him, hair falling into your face. For the first time in a long time, Spencer can feel the ends of his fingers twitching with anticipation at the idea of offering to brush the hair out of your face for you. He gives you a soft smile instead, his eyes trailing back to the list in his hands in an attempt to stop himself from staring. 

Your voice near him almost makes him let out a yelp of surprise as you say, “Are you looking for something? I don’t work here, but I cook a lot.” You say matter-of-factly, suggesting that your cooking hobby somehow made you an expert in the grocery store layout. 

Spencer felt like handing you his list and following you around like a puppy dog for the rest of his grocery shopping if it meant you’d keep standing this close to him. “Yeah, uhm, this brand of chili beans.” 

“Oh, you haven’t looked low enough.” You barely even glance at his list before bending your knees and crouching down to the lower shelf to grab it. You look up from the ground, holding the can of beans for him to take with a bright smile before you say, “You’re so tall you must have forgotten about the lower shelves.” A laugh escapes your lips as Spencer carefully grabs the can from your hand. 

You stand up with a gentle sigh. He can tell that you’re about to say something else when a man’s voice interrupts you. Your eyes grow brighter at the sound, and your head quickly turns toward the sound at the far left end of the aisle. “I got the cheese.” As he approaches, the man shoots the shredded cheese into the cart with a grin. 

You mouth a soft ‘yay’ as the man’s arm quickly wraps around your waist. “Josh, this is Spencer. I was just helping him look for a can of beans. Spencer, this is Josh.” 

Spencer feels his lips draw into a tight-lipped smile as he waves his free hand, “Nice to meet you,” He says with a slight nod. 

“She’s always talking to strangers, I swear. Stop making friends everywhere you go, you little angel.”  Josh says as he pinches your side, earning a melodious laugh from you. Spencer feels a little nauseous.

“Hey, gross.” You chuckle lightly as you pull Josh’s hand off your side, “Anyways, it was nice to meet you, Spencer. See you around.” You grab the handle of your cart with a beautiful smile before rolling the cart out of the aisle with Josh in tow. 

Spencer watches you until you take a right and disappear from his view, and now he can only look at the can of beans in his hand. He sighs at his luck, smiling a little with amusement at the fact that you have a boyfriend. His short interaction made it clear to him that you were easy to get along with. Beautiful, kind, easygoing, of course, you had a boyfriend. 

Spencer silently resigned himself to the fact that he would probably never see you or Josh again as he continued with his unneeded list.

Now, he felt like the fabled gods of fate were laughing down at him as he made the last trip to his car. He was closing the trunk of his car when he heard a familiar voice yell out his name from across the parking lot. “Spencer!” You yelled with bags in hand, panting lightly as you approached him with a light jog. “How funny is this?” 

A sarcastically bitter voice was in his head. Only the Ancient Greeks would find this funny. “Do you live in this building?” he asked as his eyes scanned the parking lot for Josh. His shoulders relaxed as he realized that it was just you. 

“Yeah, third floor.” You say as you readjust the bags in your hands. Spencer gave you an amused smile as he slid his last two bags on one arm, extending his free arm toward you. 

“Need some help?” He offers in a soft voice. You give him a grateful look as you nod, handing him a slightly heavy bag. Typically, you wouldn’t have accepted help from a perfect stranger, but almost everything about Spencer screamed non-threatening, so you let yourself be a little trusting. 

“Can’t believe that we’re neighbors. I'm glad I talked to you at the store; I made a neighbor friend!” Your speaking speed almost matches his when he is going on his excited ramblings. 

Spencer pushes a door open with his back, holding it open for you with his foot as he laughs. “I guess it's plausible, being that the grocery store is as close as it is.” He’s quick to move to the next door, repeating the motion. 

You smile gently as Spencer opens another door for you, this one leading the two of you to the stairwell. “Oh, you’re probably one of those people who doesn’t believe in fate, aren’t you, Spencer?” 

“I would have to say that I absolutely fall within the twenty-nine percent of Americans who do not believe in fate. Nothing is predetermined.” 

“Maybe you’re predetermined to believe that,” Is your quick remark as you walk in front of him on the stairs. 

“Not likely,” 

“So, what? You’re a cynic?” 

Spencer smiles wide at the question, “How does my not believing in fate make me a cynic?” 

You grin, tossing a skeptical look over your shoulder, before speaking again. “Not believing in fate is such a cynical thing to do,” 

“And what does that make you?” 

“Stupid and optimistically in love.” 

Spencer shakes his head, his eyes glancing at the door that leads to the second floor, but he continues to follow you up another flight of stairs without complaint. “I would label myself as a realist.” And a profiler, but he was careful to leave that part out. The cases over the years proved one thing to him: nothing was predetermined. There was an opportunity for change everywhere. 

“Okay, Mr. Realist, what about luck?” You asked as the two of you approached the door marked for floor three. 

He thought for a moment as you held the door open for him, “Maybe,” was all he could say as the memory of when he was struggling with his aim came to mind: killing an UnSub with a shot to the head when he had been aiming for his leg. 

“So you do believe in fate.” You turned your body to walk backward down the hallway with a satisfied, winning smile as you looked at him before slowing to a stop in front of your apartment door. 

“Fate and luck are not the same thing. Luck is usually used to describe an outcome; it’s a notion. It’s circumstantial.  Fate defies logic, science really.” He said as he handed you your bag carefully. His eyes glanced at the number on your door: thirty-seven. “You live with your boyfriend?” Spencer asks before he can stop himself, silently screaming at himself for being a creep. 

The question barely phases you as you reach into your pocket, searching for your keys. “Yeah, moved in six months ago.” 

“Oh, that’s nice.” Spencer hated small talk. Actually, he secretly hated the fact that the first person he found attractive, after months of failed dates, was taken. He also hated that you were living a floor above him for six months, and he hadn’t known about it– hadn’t known about you. Above all, he hated that he enjoyed your company already, especially having only known you for more than a few hours at best. “How long have the two of you been together?” 

“A year and eleven months,” you answer with a soft smile, your eyes giving way to soft emotion as you open your door. “What floor do you live on again?” 

Spencer wants to say that you never asked, but he didn’t want to seem rude. He was sure you couldn’t be rude if you tried, that sweet smile of yours not capable of the act. “Second floor,” he answers as he readjusts his bags timidly. 

With a soft gasp, you set down a bag or two, “Oh! I’m sorry.” You apologize softly as you look up at him, your eyes beautiful and tender. Spencer can’t remember if he is mad when he looks into those eyes. 

Spencer let out a meek and barely audible “It’s okay,” He decides it truly is.

You bite your bottom lip and smile at him, “Well, thanks for your help, Spencer. I really appreciated it. Come up some time and say hi!” As you beam at him, you move a stray hair out of your face. 

Spencer nods slowly, swallowing thickly, and manages a soft smile. His feet move his body back to the stairwell slowly. “Okay, I’ll do that.” 

Day Forty-Two 

You’re laughing over something Josh said. Spencer doesn’t really get it, but you seem to think it is the funniest joke you’ve ever heard. Punchlines usually went over his head, but he was always happy to nod along with a smile on his face. 

Spencer honestly didn’t want to come up and visit you and Josh a month ago. Maybe he was a glutton for punishment. Perhaps he just didn’t have it in himself to stay away from your electric personality—why he visited you and Josh three Saturdays ago was still a mystery to him.

As Josh walks away with a smug smile, you turn to Spencer. He watches as you lean towards him, eyes tracking Josh until he’s out of sight. Your amused smile falls from your face as you whisper a soft, “Did you get that?” 

Spencer is taken aback at the question. You laughed at Josh’s joke; how did you not get it? Why did you laugh so hard if you didn’t get it? He wonders until he’s whispering that same question to you, “If you didn’t get it, why did you laugh?” 

You smile a little cheekily and only slightly embarrassed, “I didn’t want him to know I didn’t find it funny. Sometimes, he falls short of witty humor.” 

Spencer smiles at that, shaking his head as he stares over at the area where Josh disappeared. “Why don’t you just tell him that you didn’t find it funny?” 

“Because,” Your voice sounds offended, but the amused look in your eyes tells him differently, “I’m his girlfriend of two years, and I’m nice. Unlike some people.” You give him a side-eyed glare, making Spencer gasp in mock defense. 

“I’m nice!” He hisses out in a defensive whisper. He briefly falters at your incredulous look before slowly nodding in defeat, “Okay, I’m a little mean sometimes.” 

You smile again and face him, your hands moving as you talk, “Which is funny because you’re perfectly nice when you’re around me.” 

Spencer didn’t have an answer to that one either. After being friendly with the couple for a little over a month, he just could not be friends with Josh. His jokes flew over Spencer’s head, he talked over you (and sometimes him), and he never seemed to take your interests seriously. 

Last Monday after work, you called Spencer, asking him if he wanted to go to the movies with you to see a tragic Italian film. He was quick to say yes, partially because of the excellent movie selection and because he wanted to be around you more. 

When he asked why Josh wasn’t joining them, you simply said that it wasn’t Josh’s thing. That didn’t sit right with him, but he let it go. Then, the day after, you called him again, asking him if he’d be willing to go with you to one of those paint-and-sip places around town that weekend. 

His answer was another resounding yes, and he didn’t even drink. Then the question came again during the class, and you responded with the same thing– it wasn’t Josh’s thing. 

Josh’s thing was going off to work all day and then coming home to ignore you for a good two hours before dinner. Then he was all yours again. At least, that’s what Spencer saw. He understood that everyone needed their alone time and that he was being a little petty and a little jealous toward Josh. 

He wanted to be the bigger person, honestly. It was just so hard when your boyfriend made it so easy for Spencer to hate him. He’d never say that to you, of course. You looked at Josh like he had hung the moon yesterday and then created the stars today. You never missed a chance to talk about Josh around… well, anyone—the precursor to Spencer’s current dilemma. 

Deep down inside, he knew that his inappropriate crush on you couldn’t possibly get worse. So he thought, What’s the harm in becoming close friends with you? If anything, it was likely that seeing more of your personality would pull his rose-colored glasses off his face and force him to see you in a normal, less love-sick light. After all, he had gotten over his embarrassing crush on JJ and saw her almost daily at work.

When Josh walks back into the room, he’s on his phone. He barely glances up from the text as he speaks to you, “Hey, babe, would it be okay with you if I head out for the night?” 

Your eyebrows furrow with confusion, “But Spencer is here, and we were going to finish the movie, remember?” 

“Right, but I already know what happens. I mean, it’s a tragedy, right? Spencer and you always have more fun together doing your nerd stuff. No offense, Spencer. The guys just want me to go out with them.” 

A realization dawns on your face as you realize he’s not asking so much as telling you he’s leaving. You nod slowly, letting Josh kiss your forehead before he grabs his keys and leaves. You look over at Spencer, who is trying to be polite by not watching the scene, looking down at the television remote with a deep interest. 

You smile slowly, sadly, and turn your body a little on the couch facing the television. The rest of the night is spent in your living room with Spencer, sitting next to each other and watching a movie before ending with your head on his shoulder and the soft tone of someone saying they “Liked the movie.” 

Day Ninety-Three

You could feel something starting to slip. It was a familiar feeling; something in the ground was shaking. It shook you, at least. You always noticed it first—a crack in the ship's hull.  You were always the first to address it, too. 

With Josh, it used to be customary for him to apologize for any indiscretion and try to fix the damage. But false promises are like duct tape in the ship’s hull, slipping and sliding against wet wood, water pouring in until the whole ship goes down. 

It wasn’t always like this. Him coming home and ignoring you for hours, only to acknowledge you late into the evening. It was relatively new to your relationship. Well, if you consider nine months new. By now, you could only label it as consistent. Before you lived with your loving boyfriend, he would crave out time in the evenings just to talk with you for hours or take you on dates that sometimes lasted for days on the weekends. 

You knew that living together would take some of that away– everyone deserved to have their private time, and you weren’t going to start demanding day-long dates anytime soon. You just missed the effort he used to put in, the time when he would make days for the two of you– hours for just the two of you. 

A year ago, Josh would have jumped to see that weird new Hungarian horror movie with subtitles for you if you had asked. He would have attempted to stay awake during it, hold your hand during the parts that scared you, something lovely. 

The first crack started when you moved in with him. One evening, you had gotten home from work early and occupied the living room for a few hours, watching some random French movie that had been recommended to you by your best friend. She didn’t like this kind of thing but knew you did, so you were grateful that she had thought of you. 

When he came home from work a little later than usual, he saw you on the couch with a plate of pasta, watching the movie intently. You turned your head towards the door and smiled wide at him. “Hey! I made spaghetti, grab a plate and watch this movie with me? I’ll restart it.” Your hands were already reaching for the remote when a heavy, annoyed sigh cut through the air. You looked over at him again and gave him a gentle, empathic smile, “Hey… did you have a hard day? We don’t have to watch anything we could–”

“Have you ever thought that maybe I don’t want to do anything with you right after I get off work?” Josh hissed out as he threw his keys onto the wooden kitchen table. 

You felt your head reel back a little at the question, and you laughed a little, pushing yourself up to sit on your knees on the couch. “I’m sorry?” 

“Have you ever thought I might want to come home after work and not talk to you for a few hours? I mean, I thought that after living here for two months, you would have caught on, but clearly you haven’t. I come home, and you’re right there, ready to talk. Prepared to force me to sit down and watch some… foreign language film that has some profound meaning that you’ll blabber about for thirty minutes before bed tonight.” 

You blinked a little at his harsh words, which were unlike him. He never seemed annoyed by your passions, hobbies, or ramblings. In fact, he always seemed to encourage them. You tried your best to give him a genuine smile, “Love, you’ve had a long day. Let’s just take a second and get some food in you, and then we can d–” 

“You’re not getting it,” he laughed bitterly, a sound that caused a sick knot to grow in your throat. “Sometimes, I’m tired of it being we, we, we, we. I’m always doing things with you: Cooking with you, reading with you, watching movies with you, sleeping with you, going on dates with you. Ever since you moved in, it's like it's always an ‘us’ task or a ‘we’ task.” His voice was rising in volume, and you felt your breathing becoming shaky. “I feel like you're always on top of me. It’s suffocating! Maybe I just want to be alone for a few hours. Maybe I don’t want to watch your stupid, fucking, symbolic foreign films.” 

“I... I didn’t know that’s how you felt.” You breathed out as you slowly turned the television off and got up with your plate. You wanted him to apologize, you wanted him to soften those brown eyes and start telling you that he didn’t mean it. You wanted him to tell you that work was brutal that day, and he had accidentally lashed out at you. But he just stared at you, panting a little. “I’ll leave you alone some more. I, uhm, I’ll watch this alone in our room.” 

And that was that. You had convinced yourself that you were a problem. You were too clingy, always in his space, always trying to force him to like your hobbies, always trying to share too much of yourself with him, always too much. So you decided that maybe what you wanted to do wasn’t his thing anymore. 

Besides, you had plenty of friends that liked the same things as you did… maybe. Molly didn’t like foreign films, but Alex enjoyed them enough. Molly did like to paint, but her schedule always conflicted with yours. Sabrina was also a fan of painting but had moved to Boston last month. The list of her friends with crazy work schedules could go on and on, as could the list of friends who moved. You had thought about reaching out to some of them, but Josh’s words rattled you to your core, and suddenly, you felt like a burden for wanting to spend time with your loved ones. 

Then, after six months of living with Josh, you met a man in a grocery store—a tall, hazel-eyed, intelligent man. Spencer Reid was unlike any man you had ever met in your life, a rare friend. He was transparent, often going into long, passionate tangents that always had you learning something new. So when he randomly mentioned a foreign film he wanted to see that weekend in one of your conversations, you felt comfortable asking him to come to the movies with you.

Then again, to the paint-and-sip place where the two of you failed to partake in any wine and managed to paint two terrible renditions of sunflowers. Spencer Reid was becoming a friend that you didn’t think you’d burden. Your other friends were quick to explain that you weren’t too much. Still, maybe it was because he had helped you carry your groceries up to the apartment the first day you met him or the way he was so happy to listen to your stories and thoughts. Something about Spencer Reid made you believe him when he said that you weren’t a burden. 

And he was nice to be around. Then, there was the pesky fact of Spencer being attractive. At first, it was more of a passing thought. The way he wore his glasses late at night, how his hair fell to one side, the way his fingers were so gentle with books. He was a good-looking man in a nerdy way. Mix that with sweet, caring, and accomplished; he was a threat. 

A threat to anyone but your loving boyfriend of two years. Sabrina was laughing over something you had said over the phone, her giggles rising in volume as she tried to speak between them, “He’s a.” Giggling. “An adonis of th–” Cackling. “The mind!” She managed before asking, “What does that even mean?” 

“It means he’s a very smart-minded, attractive person.” 

“Oh, so you’re like… crushing on the hot mind guy and fighting with Josh. Got it.” 

“I’m not fighting with Josh, and we talked about it last month. We’re okay now.” 

“Still ignoring you when he comes home?” 

You pause before you let out a slow sigh, “Yeah.” 

“What’s his record?” 

“Four hours and fifteen minutes. He said he will try to be more attentive throughout the week, but he just keeps…” You trail off. You can imagine Sabrina shaking her head on the other side of the line. 

“What about the weekends?” 

“Going out with his friends more, he visited his mom’s last weekend. Nary a date night in sight, not since our second anniversary at least, and that was..” 

“Yeah..” There was rustling, chips maybe, on her side of the line. “Maybe he’s planning something big. Maybe a trip? I don’t know, maybe you should bring it up again.” 

You nod a little, your hands typing away gently on your work computer. “Maybe. The last time I mentioned missing our date nights, he just said, ‘We have dinner dates every night at home.’ That was an incredible feeling.” 

“Something about weaponized ignorance is coming to mind.” 

“Don’t,” 

“Josh has been lacking in good boyfriend points since that stunt with the cake on your birthday,” 

“He got a little icing on my nose!” 

“Don’t,” She dragged out the ‘t’ sound, “Care! The disrespect! Your dress! Ugh, I’m going to get worked up. Talk to me about Dr. Genius.” 

“What about him?” 

“Does he ever, maybe, do something you wish Josh would start doing?” 

You laugh, “What? No…” 

“So you don’t wish that Josh would know the symbolism behind The Red Shoes and go into how… what did he say?” 

“That art was worth dying for, and that Hans Christian Andersen's original story surrounded a sense of morality and religious–” 

“Ah, Ah, Ah, so you don’t want Josh to know that?” 

“He doesn’t need to know that,” your fingers falter in their typing, “Two people can have similar interests and not be in love.” 

“Right, it just seems like lately, you’ve been…” You hate the awkward silence that follows Sabrina before she carefully speaks again, “Maybe replacing Josh with Spencer in your hobbies. I know Josh lashed out and was wrong, too, but this Spencer guy… he clicks with you– your hobbies, at least. And your witty humor, too. It seems he matches your intellectualism and your passion for learning,  exceeds it even, but Josh is steps below you. Josh, he… just always seems so tolerant of your hobbies.” 

“So what are you saying?” 

“Nothing,” a voice calls her name, “Look, I gotta go. Josh is great, and I’m just being silly. Maybe I just have a grudge against him or something. I love you.” 

“I’ll talk to you later. Love you.” You reply quickly before she ends the call. 

You shake your head a little at her words, still swimming in your mind as you go back to charting something on your computer. What did that even mean? Josh is steps below you. He wasn’t dumb. He just lacked… that dry humor you had with Spencer sometimes. A quick, witty remark that had one of you smiling in seconds. Besides, that notion was ridiculous, given you had only known Spencer for three months. Josh made up for it in love… and you did love him. 

All couples went through rough patches, but you were sure that if you raised your concerns again with Josh, things would change. You nod a little at the thought as you sigh, shifting in your chair slightly as you readied yourself to be engulfed in your work. 

Day One Hundred and Forty-Six 

Spencer could feel the bass of some pop song thumping in his chest. It had been a pleasant and slow week at the BAU. While he would have loved to go home and sit down with some book of his choosing, he allowed Penelope and Derek to convince him to go out with them. 

The bar wasn’t too far from his apartment complex, so he didn’t mind. Penelope was twirling her drinks tiny umbrella between her fingers as she pointed towards a pretty red-head dancing in a dark green dress. “What about her?” 

They have been playing this game for ten minutes now. By they, he means Garcia and Morgan. The game is ‘Who does Spencer find pretty at the bar?’ 

“Babygirl, you have a great eye,” Derek says as he points the woman out to Spencer, but before he can say anything else, Spencer decides they’ve played this game past the point of amusement. 

“Why can’t we accept that I don’t feel like talking to anyone tonight, again?” 

Penelope frowned a little, giving Spencer a pleading look. “You said that the last time we took you to the bar, you were willing to participate next time. It’s next time, Reid.” 

Spencer remembers the conversation and groans softly as he sips on his water. He hated disappointing them with his lack of effortless charm. It had improved through the years, but he still struggled to find the right words to say in front of someone he found attractive. 

“Come on, Pretty Boy. Are you going to back out of your promise?” Derek’s voice is teasing as he smiles at Spencer. Spencer can’t help but feel a sense of newfound obligation. He knew what was holding him back and hated himself for it. 

His inappropriate crush on you had grown to be near debilitating, and even though Spencer had told himself that it’d never happen, he kept holding out hope that one day it would. He had gone on dates in the near five months he had known you, but he always ended up comparing his dates to you. They never laughed as sweet as you. They came up with the same academically related jokes you did. They never– they just weren’t you, simple as that. 

“Fine, but someone else. She’s pretty, but I think that girl is her girlfriend.” He pleaded softly, watching as a taller brunette woman spun around the pretty redhead to the beat. 

Penelope clapped and set down her drink, “This next one has to be perfect.” 

“Pretty boy’s future bride,”

Spencer felt his cheeks flush at that, and he nudged Derek with a nervous laugh. Penelope was still scanning the crowd. The bar wasn’t empty or devoid of beautiful women or men for her to choose from, but no one screamed Spencer Reid material. Derek was scanning the crowd with her, always happy to see her passionate about something, even if it was Reid’s love life. 

A gasp slipped past Penelope’s lips as she grabbed Derek’s arm tight, her index pointing toward someone by the speakers. Derek’s eyes landed on who she was pointing at, and he smiled wide, nodding quickly, “Future Mrs. Reid material,” 

Spencer can barely see where they are pointing as he tries to look toward the area that Garcia is pointing at. Then he sees her. It’s you, and his heart drops. He wants to tell his friends he knows that isn’t ‘Future Mrs. Reid’ at all, but Derek and Penelope are already pushing him into the crowd. He glares back at them and stubbles with his footing for a second before walking toward you. 

You’re wearing a beautiful black dress, hugging your curves. In the flashing lights, Spencer thinks that you’re shining. Your hips sway lightly to the beat as you stand near the speakers, alone. 

Spencer gently taps you on your shoulder, and when you turn around, you have a glare on your face before you see it's him. He almost laughs at how you gasp and loudly scream, “Spencer!” Your hands fly out to his shoulders, shaking him gently as you giggle. “Hi!” You’re so drunk. 

Spencer is sure that Penelope and Derek are watching the scene unfold with confused expressions as he laughs softly, your hands on his shoulders gently shaking his body side-to-side. “Hey, where’s Josh?” He yells over the music. 

“Getting drinks!” You yell back in an excited tone. 

He smiles wide and shakes his head a little; he usually doesn’t find drunk people endearing. But right now, in the flashing lights of the bar, your rosy-cheek face and tipsy giddiness have him feeling a little more enamored than usual. 

“Who are you here with?” You ask loudly, your hands falling away from his shoulders. 

“Uh, my friends, coworkers!” he replies as he stands beside you to point out the confused-looking pair staring at them. 

“Can I say hi?” He could tell that your friendly disposition continued even when intoxicated, and he found himself adoring the consistency. He nods gently, and you’re smiling so much. Spencer wonders how someone could be so excited about meeting someone else’s friends. 

He leads you over, your fingers grabbing the back of his button-up as he carefully leads you through the crowd. The gentle pull of your fingers gripping his shirt makes his cheeks burn as he stops in front of Derek and Penelope. “Y/N, Derek, and Penelope. Penelope and Derek, Y/N.” 

You let go of the back of his button-up quickly as you extend a giddy hand, “Hi, I haven’t met any friends of Spencers yet.” 

Derek looks amused as he shakes your hand, his eyes flicking between you and Spencer, “How do you know the boy genius?” 

“I found him looking lost in the grocery store. We’re neighbors! Well, almost,” You let go of Derek’s hand to point towards the roof, “I’m on top of him.” 

Spencer can feel the breath knocked out of his lungs as he quickly corrects you, “She lives on the floor above me.” He explains before either of them can make a joke. 

Penelope matches your happy attitude as she shakes your hand, “We had no idea that Spencer had a friend in his apartment complex! How long have the two of you been friends?” 

“Almost five months,” You say with a little giggle, leaning toward Penelope slightly. “Spencer comes over to discuss movies with me or books, or we went to a poetry reading last weekend.” 

“He comes over often, huh?” Derek’s voice asks playfully, and you nod quickly. 

“The mothership is always beckoning,” You joke, laughing harder than you should at your own joke. 

Penelope slowly drops your hand, tilting her head, and her flower earrings sway slightly. “And... your roommate is okay with that?” she asks carefully, and Spencer wants to ask why she doesn’t simply ask if you have a boyfriend. 

“Oh, no. Josh doesn’t care. He’s my boyfriend of two years. Nothing can break that security, I’m sure.” You look towards the bar for him and catch his eye. You wave high and wide for him, and he smiles, shaking his head at you as he waits for the drinks.

“So, Pretty Boy here is just a friend.” 

You giggle a little at the nickname and try to cover your smile with your hand, looking at Spencer. “Pretty Boy?” You giggle out. Spencer frowns a little and goes to defend himself, but you’re already nodding, “He is a pretty boy. That’s fitting.” Then, he feels like his body is on fire. 

Derek is about to say something when Josh slides behind you with two drinks. “Always with Spencer,” he teases softly, kissing your cheek before handing you your drink. 

“Josh, these are Spencer’s friends, Penelope and Derek.” You say, taking the drink and happily taking a small sip. 

Josh holds out his hand for them to shake, a charming smile on his face, “I thought Spencer’s only friend was my girlfriend.” 

Penelope doesn’t laugh, but she still manages a polite smile and shakes his hand before Derek does the same thing. Spencer fidgets a little, still beside you. You turn your head up toward him, and you mouth a soft, ‘He’s drunk’ as a way to excuse Josh’s behavior. 

However, recently, Josh has been acting like that sober. He would demand to join the two of you at the movies while complaining about the movie selection. He’d sit between the two of you if the opportunity arose, which wasn’t strange. What was weird was how he’d become more physically affectionate with you in front of Spencer. Spencer hated that– hated looking at it.

Josh quickly grabs your shoulders and says, “We should let you all get back to your night.” It sounds like a suggestion, but he’s already leading you away. You gasp as he guides you away from the three of them, and you quickly smile, wave, and yell out a quick, ‘It was nice to meet you’ before you walk further away with Josh. 

Penelope sips on her drink as a way to stop herself from talking, but Derek breaks the silence first. “So he’s jealous of you.” 

Spencer wants to deny it, but even he can’t deny the facts. “Not at first, but now… I don’t know if I’m not nice enough or if I did something, but yeah, lately, he’s been like that.” 

Penelope sighed and looked toward where you and Josh had walked off to, “She seems sweet,” 

“Yeah, Reid’s head over heels for her too.” 

“Wait, Spencer, are you?” 

His cheeks are flushed, and he’s shaking his head a little, a lame attempt to try and hide his feelings. Derek lays it on thick, “Come on, he doesn’t let just anyone touch him. Did you see how he looked at her when he approached her earlier? Like a lovesick dog with a bone in his mouth.” 

Spencer raises his hands and scoffs, “Okay, I’m working on it, alright. She’s just easy to be around. I’m getting over it.” 

Penelope is swooning over the information, “A forbidden romance,” 

“Her gatekeeper boyfriend and you, the pretty boy genius from downstairs,” Derek adds. 

Spencer sighs, annoyed with their teasing, “Alright, let’s drop it.” The pair gives him a look, and he adds a soft, “Please.” Seeing their friend’s annoyance didn’t usually deter them, but the way he shifted from one foot to the other as he begged them to stop had Penelope and Derek sharing a look before letting all their silent jokes go. Spencer was grateful that evening had returned to normal, his nervous thoughts slowly slipping away with easy conversation. 

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Three 

You’re sure Josh is mad at you for something. You just can't get it out of him. A few weeks ago, he had been nothing but sincere. Soft again, sweet again, him from a little over a year ago. It was beautiful, and it felt like he had finally listened. It felt like he had come back around and somehow repaired the hull. 

Then he started ignoring you again. You had been careful, so careful, not to suffocate him like he mentioned. You make sure that you go out with Spencer on weekends. You distance yourself just enough for Josh to miss spending time with you. Spending time with Spencer was also good for you; he helps keep your spirits high.

He kept you feeling lighter than air. He would text you sometimes on cases with the team when he was out of town. Little reminders, little jokes, and sometimes… It felt nice. You didn’t know how to describe it. Thrilling, calming, extraordinary, and tumultuous all that once. It confused you, pulled at the heartstrings, softly tugging at something deep within you. It unsettled you and made you ache when you looked at Josh in bed next to you. 

But his sweetness distracted you. Erased longing and replaced it with familiar love. You knew his steps, and he knew yours. 

And now, he was angry with you. You didn’t want to ask, and you didn’t want to be a pest to the man you loved. You hoped he would just come right out and say it. You hoped that his cup of secret rage would overflow and spill over.

The sound of heavy footsteps disrupts your stagnant reading. Your eyes kept reading the same sentence. Every time you tried to continue with the following sentence, you found yourself unable to do so. You set the book face down on the bed and smiled a little at Josh as he stood in the doorway. It was Friday night, and Spencer was on a case. Molly was busy, Christina was busy, and everyone was busy. So you stayed home, attempting to read. 

He was drunk, no drunk didn’t even cover it. He looked like death, pale with red eyes and muttering incoherent things to himself. “Josh… are you okay?” Your smile quickly faded, and you moved to the edge of the bed, watching him sway against the door frame. 

He didn’t answer and just laughed a little, which turned into a groan and then a sigh. You push yourself off the bed and walk to him, reaching up a hand to cup his cheek, but before your fingers can touch him, he smacks your hands away with a deep frown. “Josh!” You gasp as you pull your hand away, rubbing at the slightly pink skin. 

“Not right,” he mutters, and you shake your head as you try to understand what he’s talking about. 

“What’s not right? Josh, are you okay?”

He stumbles as he pushes past you, his shoulder roughly bumping into yours as he sits on the bed. You stay by the door. “This. Us, not right anymore.” He roughly puts it together. 

You can feel your heart fall to the pit of your stomach as you turn around to face him, “What are you talking about?” 

“Not right anymore,” his drunk hands are dramatically waving between the two of you, “You’re not,” he motions to his chest lamely, “Here anymore.” 

You can feel the tears threatening to rise in your eyes, your breathing becoming fast as you shake your head. “I’m here, you’re here.” You point your index into your chest, just above your heart. “What are you saying?” 

“Not here,” He repeats loudly. 

“I am here!” you yell back as you walk to him. “I don’t know what happened tonight, but we can discuss it, Josh. We can fix things.” You can feel the weight of the world crashing down on your chest, its weight making it difficult to breathe clearly. 

“No,” 

You’re quick to talk over him, “Yes, we can,” 

“No, we can’t,”

“Whatever it is, it’s okay, we can–” 

“No–” 

“It’s okay, I won’t be mad–”

“I’m in love with someone else,” He yells, his spit hitting your cheek. Your hands twitch slightly at the feeling, but you can’t move. All you can do is stare at him with a gaping mouth, opening and closing repeatedly like a fish. You couldn’t form the words, and your mind was blank. “Don’t give me that.” 

You feel like someone else’s voice is speaking, “Give you what? Shock? Disgust? You’re in love with someone else. How else am I supposed to react? Do you want me to be happy? Oh, Josh, I’m so happy for you and your mistress! I’m so glad that you’re fucking her and me at the same time! I’m so happy, so happy!” 

“I’m not fucking Estelle, she and I,” 

“Your coworker, are fucking you kidding me?” 

“Oh, shut up with the pity party!” He looks sober suddenly, his face red and twisted with rage as he stands up from the bed. Your footing slips a little before you catch yourself walking back from him. “You think these past six months I’ve enjoyed having him over here all the time? Giggling with you in the living room over some intellectual private joke that I don’t get, o-or how about when you disappear with him every weekend you can? Introducing you to his friends in bars, going to movies with you, you didn’t try hiding it from me!” 

“Him? Who are you talking about?” Then it dawned on you, and Josh could tell from how your back straightened and how you looked at him with unsure eyes. “Spencer? You think I’m cheating on you with Spencer?” 

“Not physically, but yes.” 

“Josh, what are you even saying right now? I made a friend who likes the same things I do. I mean… a year ago, you told me that I was suffocating. You told me that you didn’t enjoy my hobbies. Did you just expect me to stop them? How did I cheat on you? Spencer and I we’ve never–”

“It doesn’t matter if you’ve never fucked, or-or kissed him! Emotionally, you gave up on us. You’re only emotionally available for him. He gets you, all your jokes, your kindness, everything. He has it all. You’re always running into his arms!”  

“Running into his arms? Josh, you push me to him. I don’t love Spencer; we are just friends. He’s there for me because he is my friend! What are you going to say now? Th-that I forced you to Estelle, who, by the way, I saw last month at that Holiday party for the office. Are you going to tell me that me being by your side all while having a friend with the same interest as me was too much for you?” You can barely breathe. 

“You know it's more than that, don’t play victim. I can see the way you look at him. You used to look at me like that, and then six months ago, you met him. You didn’t even try.” 

“I didn’t try.” You repeat back before you’re scoffing a little, pacing the room quickly. “You shut me out. You stopped talking to me for months. If anyone has the right to play the victim here, it’s me. I don’t see you for hours. We had the day off for our second anniversary, and you didn’t talk to me until noon. When I moved in with you, did you even want me to be a person? Or did you want a perfectly still doll, interesting only when you want her to be interesting, talkative only when you want to listen, ready for the taking when it was good for you? Go ahead, treat me like a fucking doll.” 

Josh is shaking his head now, his breathing ragged as he slowly runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t,” He pauses, his eyes looking at a photo of the two of you from two years ago framed on the bedside table. “It doesn’t matter anymore? I don’t love you anymore. You can make me the villain. I don’t care. I want you out.” 

You swallow hard at his words and laugh a little, “Where am I supposed to go?” 

“I,” He looks at you, and you see how tired he looks. The part of you that still loves him feels crushed; the other just feels angry. “My name is on the lease. Find somewhere else to sleep tonight. I’ll let you pack a bag, but I want you,” he motions towards the apartment, and you assume he means your presence in the apartment and your things. “Gone.” And he doesn’t let you say anything back, walking out into the living room. 

You stand still; you feel frozen. You don’t know if you want to start crying, start packing, or just call people to see if you can crash at theirs. That feeling, the feeling that he planted in you rises inside you. You’ll be a burden, suffocating, and miserable. But you need a place to sleep for the night. 

Your shaky hands reach for your phone on the bed, randomly calling people. Alex is out of town, you know. Christina just moved and doesn’t even have a couch yet. You call Molly, but she doesn’t answer. You wish you lived in Boston so you could call Sabrina, but that’s unrealistic. You keep scrolling through the contacts and try to think.

As you reach the next contact, your fingers falter, and your mouth feels dry. You hesitate multiple times before hitting the call button. You wait with bated breath as you bring your phone to your ear. 

Ring. 

You should hang up. This is a bad idea. 

Ring. 

Doesn’t this just prove Josh’s point? 

Ring. 

You don’t even know if he’s back in town or when he’ll be back. You should hang up before he answers; call someone else. 

The third ring is cut short as Spencer picks up the phone. Your hands shake as he says a gentle, tired, “Hello?” 

“He-hey.. Uh, are you still in Illinois?” 

“No, we’re an hour out. Are you okay? You sound like you’re upset.” 

You lick your lips quickly as you debate, telling him everything: the fight, how Josh is kicking you out. Instead, you settle for, “I just need a place to crash for the night, and I know it's a big ask, and you’re getting home from a case, but–” 

“Yes, yeah, you can stay at mine.” You let out a slow breath and nod a little, a sense of temporary relief settling over you. 

“Thank you, thank you so much. I… I’ll make it up to you. I’ll be at yours in an hour?” 

“See you soon,” Spencer says before you hang up the phone. You get to work as fast as you can, grabbing luggage from the closet and packing like a mad woman. Anything you can fit into the case, you carefully fold or roll up and stuff inside. 

An hour comes around, and you’re packed enough for a week at the very least. You grab the only thing on the bed that’s yours, a dark green blanket, before slowly rolling the suitcase into the living room. Suddenly, it feels like you’re not in your body anymore, watching the scene from the ceiling. 

Josh turns, a phone against his ear, and you only catch the ends of an ‘I love you’ before he hangs up. He draws his lips in a tight line before asking, “Where you headed?” 

You feel like he knows the answer, “Spencer’s.” 

His lips turn upwards, and he laughs; he laughs so hard that he’s gripping his side. “Ye-Yeah, that's right. Prove me right. Run straight to Doctor Reid. Fucking rich.” He snips at you as you finally feel the tears start to well up in your eyes. “You know what let him have my sloppy seconds.” 

You gasp softly, the comment like a punch in the gut. “Have fun fucking her in our bed. Make sure to put the pictures face down before you give her the most underwhelming four minutes of her life. I’ll be back tomorrow to start packing.” You say as you start stepping through the front door, slamming it behind you. You’re panting lightly in the empty hallway, your mind numb as tears stream down your face. You don’t remember lugging your stuff to the second floor or getting to Spencer’s door. 

The only thing you remember is the sound of your name and gentle hands grabbing your chin and tilting your head up with care. You remember sobbing, hyperventilating out the events of the past evening to him as he helps you inside. And the eventual call of sleep that reaches you on Spencer’s couch. 

Day One Hundred and Ninety

Spencer could hear the soft sounds of your computer playing something in the living room. Last Friday… Well, technically, early Saturday morning, you had your head on your knees outside his apartment door. The sound of sobs had him dropping his dirty go-bag and grabbing your chin to soothe you. 

He listened to everything: how Josh thought that you were emotionally cheating on him with Spencer, how Josh had fallen in love with a coworker, and how he kicked you out. You said you would have stayed, but the lease was in his name. It was a stupid decision of the past catching up with you– your words, not Spencer’s. 

You had told him that it would only be for one night, but Spencer wasn’t going to make you couch surf all week. He insisted that you stay with him until you found an apartment. He let you stuff your boxes of things in his study and was happy to do it. 

The worst part about this arrangement was seeing you like this, seeing you so heartbroken. You went to work a little later than him, came home later than him, ate, slept, and repeated the cycle. He kept catching you with a dissociative look on your face. Too scared to ask you if you were okay, he would awkwardly attempt to cheer you up with your shared hobbies. But that only worked for so long until you were ending the night with that numb look on your face again. 

He lays in bed, wondering if he should go into the living room to check on you. He barely thinks it through before he throws his covers off and slips out of bed. He has plaid pajama pants on with an old CalTech shirt, and when he walks into the living room, he can see you pause what you’re watching on your computer and smile at him. 

“Hey,” you whisper, even though it's just the two of you in the apartment. 

“Hey,” Spencer whispers back before sighing and walking toward the back of the couch. “Can’t sleep?” 

You look up at him before returning to the dimly lit computer screen, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t,” His quick reply has you nodding a little. You shift a little, pushing yourself up to make room on the couch for him. He takes the unspoken invitation and sits down next to you.”What are we watching?” 

You lick your lips nervously, “Romcom. When Harry Met Sally.”  

Spencer glances at you before he admits, “Never seen it.” 

You gasp softly, and that playful light returns in your eyes for a second. He hasn’t seen that light in a week. “Spencer Reid, you haven’t lived.” 

Spencer takes the opportunity to joke around with you, making a buzzer sound with his mouth. “Wrong. I’ve been alive for many years.” 

This gets a weak smile from you, but still a smile nonetheless. “You want to watch it with me? I know it's late, but… maybe it’ll lure you to sleep if you find it boring.” 

Spencer grins, glancing at the clock to see how late it is. He shakes his head a little, “Maybe we could just talk for a second? I’ve barely seen you this week.” He suggests. You’re quick to nod, shutting your laptop. You lean back on the sofa and bring your legs up to sit crisscrossed. He watches you. Your eyes are no longer red or puffy, but the skin on your cheeks still seems pale, lacking their natural rosiness. 

“I found a great apartment, but I can’t move in until the end of this month.” You break the silence first, hands folding awkwardly in your lap. 

Spencer nods, resisting the urge to hold one of your hands as he speaks. “That’s fine, and I’m not kicking you out anytime soon. You’re stuck with me for three more weeks.” 

You chuckle a little at that, “Ever the gentleman,” You say softly, but your eyes don’t have that light anymore. You seem distracted, your eyes lingering on him briefly before staring at your hands. “Spencer,” 

“Yeah?” 

“What do you do when everything feels like too much?” 

Your voice cracks softly as you ask the question, and Spencer is scared you’ll start crying again. He always feels useless whenever you cry, a genius without answers. He swallows the nervous lump in his throat: “I read, or sometimes I force myself to go out. Whenever I’m overwhelmed, I end up at the public library. Or sometimes, if I have the day, I go to the Smithsonian. But... it’s been a while.” 

You seem to perk up a little at the mention of the Smithsonian, and you give him a playfully little side glance, “Air and Space?” You guess with a small smile. 

He smiles and shrugs, “Sometimes,” he returns the playful sideways glance. “Portrait Gallery?” 

You’re laughing a little as you nod. Spencer feels relieved to hear its soft melody. “Portrait Gallery.” You confirm your pick with a soft sigh. 

Spencer lets warm silence spread for a second, his eyes occasionally flickering over to your serene expression. “What about you? What do you do when you’re overwhelmed?” 

Your eyes meet his as he asks the question, and for a second, you seem a little surprised that he is asking you anything. He wonders if you expected him to keep talking or ignore the tension in the air around you. 

“Well, reading is lovely. Museums, movies,” you pause for a second, and your expression softens. “Music. I love music when I’m feeling overwhelmed, sad, or happy. It’s a universal fix, music.” 

“What kind of music?” He has heard you talk about music before, how you didn’t understand people who hated it. Music helped him escape to childhood memories, the good ones at least. He wondered if it had the same effect on you. 

“Everything. Pop, country, indie, anything that moves me. I like classical too, but only sometimes.” 

“Why only sometimes?” 

“I like it in ballets, plays, movies. I like the visual representation that accompanies it.” Your eyes leave his slowly, “Like a music box with a ballerina inside.” 

Spencer finds that this version of you, the melancholy version, is blunt. You don’t people-please or avoid questions; instead, you would directly state something. He liked how you directly stated your musical likes and how honest they were. He finds himself wanting every version of yourself that you have shown him lately, and he feels a little guilty for it. 

A soft gasp from your lips stops him from overthinking, “Oh shoot,” You mutter as you pull out your phone, looking at the calendar before you curse softly. 

“What’s wrong?’ 

“I, uhm,” You swallow hard and set your phone down, “I just remembered that Josh and I were going to celebrate our third anniversary a little early this year. Our second wasn’t the best, and he promised we would do something I wanted to do. We had tickets to see Swan Lake.” You chew on your bottom lip slowly, getting lost in the thought before you say, “That’s next month. I gotta cancel.” 

Spencer can see how you slump at the thought and how sad it makes you to cancel the plans. He feels himself saying the words before he can even process them: “I can go with you.” 

You turn to him with a soft laugh of disbelief, “What?” 

“We could go together. Make the most of it. I mean, I like Swan Lake.” 

“Spencer, it would be wrong to spend what would be my third anniversary with you. I mean��”

“It wouldn’t be the exact day. You said it was a couple of months early, so it would just be us…going to see Swan Lake. Just friends, seeing a ballet, and getting dinner or something. A night on the town. Something to keep your mind off things,” 

He hopes you’ll agree to the offer, his heart beating loudly in his chest as you stare into his eyes. Your eyes dart back and forth, rapidly looking into his eyes and then at his face. The silence is killing him, a knife in his back as he tries his best to breathe normally. 

Then you’re giving him a slow smile, a little shy at first, before you beam at the suggestion, “Okay,” 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah, let’s go to the ballet together. I mean, I would do it with or without Josh anyway. Now I’ll be able to go with someone who will actually enjoy it, even better.” Your eyes meet his hazel ones again, and you place a tentative hand over his. “Thank you, Spence.” Your voice is sincere, and Spencer feels his body relax when you touch him. 

“I can’t think of a better way to spend my evening two months from now.” He whispers in the air between you before he slips his hand away from yours and stands. He yawns softly, “Now… let’s get some sleep.” 

You nod, a small smile still on your face as you lay on the couch. “Night.” You whisper as you close your eyes. 

Spencer stands and stares down at you a little longer than he should before he takes a step toward his bedroom. “Goodnight,” he says as he walks into his bedroom. He’s thinking about your genuine smile for another hour before he even closes his eyes.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[cupidddd-d]

fic where spencer & reader are both bi?? i never see bi spencer fics w/ fem reader :))

love your fics sm!! ty <3

hii!! tysm i'm so glad you love my fics!! sorry it took so long to answer, i've js been trying to get out of my writing slump :( but here it is i hope you like it!! so i introduce to you....

hey lol (with rizz)

maturing was realizing that you were completely infatuated with spencer reid. and maturing was also realizing that helping each other pick up cute guys and girls together was definitely not going to help you rizz him up. which meant, as a whole, that maturing was realizing you needed to find a new way to bond with spencer.

because you had to admit, it was starting to hurt a little bit to watch spencer fall in love with all the men and women you would introduce to him (you were just a little too good at matchmaking).

and you felt a little bad for spencer, who spent most of his free time finding you possible dating candidates all around the country (the man was literally looking for your possible significant others as he was solving murder cases!) he seriously needed a break, especially considering how all of his work was for naught-- you were already in love with him.

"so...spencer, i was thinking about changing up our location a little bit," you suggested as you gestured around the cafe the two of you frequented.

"i agree. i think broadening our horizons will allow us to widen our possible dating pool." spencer agreed. "perhaps a larger cafe?"

you cleared your throat nervously. "uh, actually...i was thinking maybe a nice restaurant? ju-just you and me, maybe mariano's on 32nd street? i hear they're having a couple's special."

spencer blinked. once. twice. you were getting anxious for him to respond, and frankly, you were ready to dive under the hardwood floors to never be seen again.

"what?" spencer blinked again.

you were internally screaming, crying, throwing up, ripping your hair out, and punching the wall. you really shouldn't have brought this up. you waited all this time for him to respond just for him to say 'what'???

you licked your lips and took a deep breath, steeling your nerves. "i guess i should rephrase that. do you want to just go on a date, you and me?"

you hoped he couldn't see that you were starting to sweat a little bit. was the cafe getting hotter?

"but...i thought we were spending all this time together to find partners for each other. i didn't know you felt this way." spencer said slowly.

what was that supposed to mean?? was he happy about you inviting him out or not?? you were already in too deep to take back your words, so the only way left to go was forward.

"i mean, yes, but during that time, i may have realized that your search was fruitless, because i already um...want...to date you?" you squinted at the end of your sentence,

spencer's cheeks blushed red. he looked pretty like that, and you were happy to have been the one to make him blush. "you....like me?"

you were starting to feel a hot flush start crawling up your cheeks too. "well...yeah. that's the thing i've been trying to tell you about this whole conversation. i want to go out with you. but if you don't want to, that's totally okay too. i don't want to pressure you or anything, but i just want to tell you that i do like you."

and it was then that you felt like you were about to faint. maybe it was just the stress of that whole conversation. or maybe it was the pink flush in spencer's cheeks, the slow smile spreading across his face, and the happiness in his lovely, lovely eyes.

"yes."

it was just that one word that made everything shine so much brighter. "okay, so um...mariano's on 32nd?"

spencer pressed his lips together to force his smile down. "yeah, that sounds great. friday at 5?"

you felt a matching smile creep onto your face. "i'd love that."

js some fluff for the kids because the next spencer reid fic coming out won't be a happy one :)

[rainydayathogwarts]

What should I write next?

You can also find the crossed out ones on my masterlist!

I'm currently working on an Emily Prentiss fic, which will probably come out in a week or two. But since I've been posting every Saturday for the past two months ish, I just want to have stuff ready to post.

A- Nancy/Robin: In which Nancy and Robin finally start becoming friends until you come along.

B- Ginny Weasley: Even though Ginny is out to her family, she doesn't think the twins would appreciate her hitting on their best friend even though she has liked her for years.. So she does.

C- Marlene McKinnon: Marlene McKinnon starts to look too good in her Quidditch uniform and Remus starts piecing the puzzle together when he sees the way you look at her.

D- Jennifer may need boys to survive, but there's only one person she wants. Jennifer's body

e) Billy Hargrove: Billy doesn't know - In which the reader is fucking Steve behind his back and he finds out.

f) Spencer Reid: In which the reader in the sunshine of the BAU but breaks down in the parking lot after a case and the team see her.

g) Steve Harrington: (bi!reader) In which Steve wants you but you've got a play thing called Nancy Wheeler.

h) Eddie Munson: (bi!reader) In which Nancy leaves you a crying mess after you breakup and you find comfort in the person you'd least expect.

i) Steve Rogers: In which reader (from the 40s) has mastered the damsel in distress look to get anything she wants.

j) Peter Parker: In which reader works for her evil dad and bumps into the man who's been chasing after her for months out of work.

k) Remus Lupin: In which Remus gets more drunk than he ever has and clings onto his girlfriend for dear life (fluff)

[babygirl-garcia]

What Can I Say? (You’re Gorgeous) ; A Prentiss x Garcia sonfic

Emily and JJ are childhood friends who grew apart in college, but Emily’s acceptance into the BAU allows them to reconnect, and she meets her and her colleagues at a club downtown, including the most gorgeous woman she’s ever met.

An AU of Emily joining the BAU under different circumstances (not going there directly and telling Hotch she was transferred). Takes place during S2, that’s where I’ve watched to so far. Emily is a lesbian, as was going to be canon, and Garcia is bi. Based on “Gorgeous” by Taylor Swift

Upon entering the club, Emily Prentiss realized two things very quickly: Firstly, it was far more cramped than she had ever anticipated, and second, though several people were far more scantily clad, she felt that the deep-cut dress she’d worn was hardly covering anything that her choice of dress usually covered.

Scratch that, a third realization: Her childhood friend Jennifer Jareau, who had promised that she and her coworkers would all be there, was nowhere in sight. Emily rose up on the balls of her feet, heels coming off of the floor, as she narrowed her eyes in the bright club lights in search of her friend. A soft buzz on her left thigh pulled her back down, and she pulled the hem of her dress up to tug her phone out of the gun holster she’d strapped on. The one bad thing about this otherwise perfect dress, she’d decided, was that it didn’t have pockets, so she improvised.

Incoming Message

JJ 8:40 pm

Are you here?? We’re in the back, if you are.

I’m here, omw back now

Message Sent

Emily shimmied her way past partiers, hoping to make it to the back without getting accidentally grinded on. She was nearly out of the densest part of the crowd when she found herself standing in front of a tall, beefy man. Or rather, he stood in front of her, he’d practically shoved another girl out of the way to get there. “Now, what’s a pretty little lady like yourself doin’ here all by your lonesome?” He crossed his arms and leaned in slightly, and Emily felt like she could’ve gotten drunk just from the smell of him in this close proximity.

“I’m not by myself,” She said coolly. “I’m meeting my girlfriend.” A lie, Emily was hopelessly single, but this jagoff didn’t need to know that.

At ‘girlfriend’, the man smirked. “Girlfriend, ey? That’s kinda hot.”

“That’s what the last guy said. A shame they never found his body.” She walked past him, his eyes wide, and she gave him a noncommittal pat on the shoulder as she slipped past him. She spotted JJ and her small group near the corner, at a table, and hurried over.

One of them, a taller man with dark hair, nodded in Emily’s direction, and JJ, who was in the middle of saying something, turned around, face bright. Emily’s heart warmed- JJ hadn’t aged a day. She looked just like she did when they went their separate ways. They’d kept in touch, of course, which is how Emily had gotten in touch with her when she found she’d been accepted into the BAU.

“Em!” JJ grinned, hurrying to throw her arms around her and giving her a tight squeeze. “It’s been too long!” She pulled away to give Emily a squeeze on the shoulder. “You haven’t changed a bit, the last decade’s been kind to you.”

“I should say the same about you! I swear, it looks like you just plucked yourself from my memory.”

JJ laughed softly, waving her comment away. “Still charming as ever. Oh!” She wrapped an arm around Emily’s waist, pulling her closer to the table. “These are the guys, this is Dr. Spencer Reid-” a rather uncomfortable looking young man in a business-casual suit gave her a slight wave and a small smile. “-and Agent Aaron Hotchner.” The man who had alerted JJ to Emily’s presence leaned in to shake her hand.

“A pleasure… aren’t you a little young to be in a club?” Emily asked, eyeing Reid up and down.

Spencer cleared his throat, offering a soft laugh. “I’m 25, ma’am.”

“Oh-!” Emily starts. “Sorry, I just…” She trails off, shaking her head. “Sorry.”

“So JJ tells us that the two of you were good friends in school?” Aaron interjected, taking a sip of his drink.

“All through school, yeah.” Emily beamed, recalling. “We were actually on the soccer team together back in, what, second grade, and we hit it off.”

JJ sat back in her chair, smiling as Emily spoke. “Of course, I was better.” She grinned teasingly.

“Which is why I gave it up for dance.” Emily retorted with a laugh.

“We went to college in different states, but we kept in touch.” JJ stirred her whiskey sour. “I went on to PITT, and Emily went to Yale.”

Aaron raised a brow. “Yale? Impressive.”

Emily beamed, glancing down at her feet. “Thank you, sir. Top of my class.” Righting herself, Emily pursed her lips. “I thought you said there would be more of your coworkers here?”

“Oh, there are.” JJ laughed. “Derek couldn’t wait to start drinking.” She nodded over to a spot on the floor away from the table, and Emily followed her gaze. A taller, fit man was dancing with so much confidence it astonished her. “Morgan!” JJ yelled over the music. Derek turned his attention to her and joined the group when she waved him over. “Emily, Derek Morgan, Morgan, this is Emily Prentiss, my friend from school.”

Derek shot Emily a charming grin, offering his hand for her to shake. “A pleasure. JJ neglected to mention how absolutely breathtaking you are.”

Emily took his hand, smiling innocently. “She also must have forgotten to mention that I’m a lesbian.”

Morgan blinked, but otherwise seemed unfazed. “Worth a shot. If you need help finding a girl, I’d be more than happy to be your wingman.”

Emily laughed, shaking her head in amusement. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but Derek spotted someone over Emily’s shoulder, and called out to her. “Hey, baby girl! Come meet JJ’s friend!”

Emily turned and her heart fluttered; A blonde woman with dark streaks in her hair hurried over to the group, her dress hugging her in all the right places. Even in a club, it didn’t stop her from adorning butterfly clips atop two fun-buns. “Oh! Uh, don’t tell me, don’t tell me- Emily, right?” She scrunched her nose up, hoping she was correct.

“That’d be me.” Emily said, offering her a hand, and the woman’s face relaxed. “Nice to meet you…?”

“Penelope Garcia, BAU’s holy grail for all things digital.” Garcia beamed, shaking her hand excitedly. “And the pleasure’s mine. Any friend of JJ’s is a friend of mine. Do you dance?”

“Not unless it’s contemporary-”

“Well, you do tonight. Come on!” Before Emily could protest, and without a single drink in her, Garcia pulled her to the floor to dance.

Looking back at the table over her shoulder, Emily noticed that JJ and Derek had followed the pair out to the floor, while Spencer and Aaron remained at the table, sipping at their drinks and discussing something.

“So! JJ says you’ve been lifelong friends?” Penelope’s question brought Emily back to reality. She looked over to the woman, closer to her than she initially realized, and tried not to lose herself in those beautiful amber eyes.

“Yeah,” Emily started. “We went to school together, back in Pittsburg, but we hadn’t really hung out until I joined the soccer team in second grade. We had so much in common- favorite bands, foods, we were in the same class together…”

Garcia smiled warmly at her. “That’s so sweet! I’m a sucker for that kind of stuff, like a ride-or-die.” She bobbed her head a bit at “ride-or-die”.

Emily laughed, watching in amusement as Penelope let the music take her- and oddly enough, soon found herself comfortable on the floor as Morgan had been earlier. Garcia took Emily’s hand, lifting it over Emily’s head and spinning her around. The pair giggled softly before the song switched over to one with heavy bass. Penelope gasped, then grinned widely as she danced along. Emily froze in awe, heart thumping hard in her chest; Garcia was the most intriguing and beautiful woman she had ever met, and Emily came to the quick realization that she had never caught feelings for a woman so quickly before.

“Get it, babygirl!” Derek’s voice ripped her from her thoughts. Right, of course. That made the second time Derek had referred to her as “babygirl”, which could only imply that they were an item. Right? Emily noted how brightly Garcia beamed at him, before she pulled Emily in to dance closely with her. Emily put her mask back up, smiling and laughing along with Garcia. Part of her wondered why she wasn’t dancing with Derek, but she pushed the thought back, assuming that it was only because Garcia was just being friendly, wanted to make her feel welcome.

When the song finally ended, and another began, Emily found it in her to look Penelope in the eye. “So;” she started, yelling over the music. “How long have you and Derek been a thing?”

Garcia froze for a moment, staring at her in confusion, before laughing loudly. “Angel, what on earth are you talking about? I’m not with Derek.”

Emily blinked. “But… he-” She tried her best to make sense of it. “He called you-”

Penelope waved her comment away. “It’s just a bit of workplace banter. I guess, in some cases, it would be considered flirting, but we would never work out.” She threw the back of her hand to her forehead. “He’s too much of a player, I’m more of the commitment type.” She pulled her hand back down, giggling as she straightened back up. “Nah, it’d never be more than a fling. He’s a sweet guy, though, and a great flirt.” She shrugged. “I want somebody who’s going to want me for the long-haul.”

I could be in for the long-haul, Emily thought to herself, but instead said “I’m sure you’ll find the right one eventually. I’m surprised they aren’t flocking to you.”

“Oh, sweetness, so am I.” Garcia grinned, tossing her hair over her shoulder dramatically, earning a laugh from Emily.

A bit later, Emily and Penelope found themselves back at the table with the rest of the group, sipping at their drinks.

“I totally forgot to ask!” JJ said suddenly, setting her drink down. “Emily, how’s Annie?”

Emily peered down into her glass, giving it a stir. “We, uh… broke up a few months ago.”

JJ softened, rubbing her shoulder gently. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry…”

Emily shook her head. “No, no, it’s… it was for the best.” She forced a smile up at her friend. “She wanted to stay home when I found out I got a job at the BAU, and both of us realized that, with our crazy work schedules, even long-distance wouldn’t work out.”

The table was silent for a bit, before Morgan spoke up. “Hey, at least now you can shake your ass for any girl you want, right? Make the most of the single life.”

Emily laughed and shook her head. “Maybe…”

“If it helps, most long-distance relationships don’t tend to work out, anyway.” Spencer offered. “Only 31% of them make it out.”

“Thank you, Reid.” JJ said, a touch of sharpness in her voice, enough to chastise him.

“Just trying to help.” Spencer shrugged, sipping at his drink.

“Thanks, guys, I appreciate it, really. But I think I might just… let love find me, you know?” Emily leaned into the table more before standing fully. “I’m gonna pop in the lady’s room, I’ll be right back.” She said, hurrying off.

As she washed her hands, Emily looked herself over in the mirror, still feeling a touch self-conscious, before frowning, straightening her back. She looked good, damn it. She looked better than good- she looked hot. Derek was right; she could look for whoever she wanted, whenever she wanted. She fixed her hair and touched up her lipstick, then turned to the doorway before freezing. There, leaning against the doorframe, was Penelope.

“She’s crazy, y’know. Annie, I mean. For letting you get away.” She said, standing fully. “I get wanting to stay home, but… in sacrifice of such a beautiful woman, I mean- hell, I’d follow you anywhere if I was your girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but she has her own job, her dog, she-” Emily stopped, blinking hard before her eyes went wide. “Wait… what did you just say?”

Garcia’s brown quirked up. “Which part, angel face?”

“All… all of it…” Namely the last part, but-

“Well, it’s true, if I were your girlfriend, I would do anything for you. And you’re gorgeous, I mean-” She gestured at Emily’s physique. “If I had a girl like you to show off, I’d be happier than a clam in high tide.”

Emily didn’t say anything- couldn’t say anything- just stared at her in disbelief.

From her spot at the door, Garcia rocked awkwardly on her heels. “I’m sorry if I overstepped,” she said quickly, “I just thought that you needed some encouragement for the situation… and my complete honesty. I mean, I’ve had girlfriends that seem similar to Annie, or, what I understand of the situation, anyway… broke it off because of similar reasons… conflicts of interest, I guess you could say.”

“Penelope, can I buy you a drink?” Emily offered, and the blonde perked up. “Anything you want.”

“I’d like that…” Penelope said, holding her hand out to Emily. “You’re sure?”

“I’d be crazy not to.” Emily replied easily, taking her hand and squeezing it gently before leading her back out to the club.

With a few drinks in her now, Emily felt herself getting looser on the dance floor. She and Garcia danced close to one another, and everyone else in the club disappeared. It was only them, each other. Emily watched, mesmerized, as Garcia swung her hips to the rhythm, and she chewed on the inside of her lower lip before slipping her arms around Garcia’s waist from behind, joining her in swinging her own hips. Their bodies were pressed against each other now, and Emily’s subconscious knew that Penelope could certainly feel Emily’s racing heart against her back, but Emily didn’t care. She was focused on Penelope, on them.

When they made their way back to the table later, Aaron and Spencer were holding the girls’ drinks, their hands over the tops. “Mm, thanks, guys.” JJ said, taking glass from Reid.

Aaron handed Emily her drink directly, Spencer doing the same with Penelope. “Yeah, it’s really great that the two of you are the kind of guys we can trust to hold our drinks.”

“I’ve seen too many cases of men and women alike fall victim to date rape drugs, it would be unprofessional to let it happen to colleagues. And it would be a dick move if I let it happen to friends.” Aaron held Emily’s gaze, a hint of a smile playing at his lips.

JJ gasped teasingly. “You got a Hotch smile!” She raved, giving Emily’s shoulder a light slap. “And you’ve only known him for two hours! Mine took years.”

“I just love you, you know that?” A tipsy Penelope asked Spencer, gently poking his nose, which he scrunched up immediately. “You’re such a lil’ cutie, it’s not fair.” Upon hearing her giggle softly, Garcia turned her attention to Emily. “And you-“ She stepped forward to poke her shoulder. “You’re so gorgeous, it actually hurts.” Emily’s face heated at her comment, but she hid it behind her glass as she took a large sip.

“Studies found 50% of women will be or have been roofied or drugged by date-rape drugs in their lifetime. We’re here to make sure you don’t make it into that statistic.” Spencer nodded solemnly.

Emily offered him a warm smile. “Thank you, Spencer. And you, too, Aaron, it’s appreciated.”

“You call me Hotch. You’re one of us now.”

Emily’s heart swelled at the comment, and she nodded before she set her glass down on the table. “Well, are we ready to head out?”

“You guys go ahead,” Derek called over with a grin, an attractive woman in tow. “I’ll catch up with you later.” He winked at them, before leading the woman from the club.

JJ laughed and shook her head. “I’ll ride back with Spence and Hotch. Ladies, you need a ride?”

“No, I think I might get a cab, thank you, though. Good to see you again! Can’t wait to see you every day.” Emily said, giving JJ a tight hug, and waving to Reid and Hotch. “Good to meet you!”

“So….” Garcia started. “You’re headed home?”

“That was the plan… why, should it not be?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine… I guess I’ll just… head on home to my cats… alone….” Garcia peered up at her with a slight smirk. “….unless you wanna come along?”

Emily laughed and shook her head, taking her hand and heading outside with her. “Let’s go, babygirl.”

“Ooh, it scratches a different itch when you say it. I like it.”

[smurphyse]

Ok hi I saw a couple days ago that you did that „big sister corner“ thing so I hope it’s okay that I write this ask because ordnungsgemäss a lot but I don’t have anyone to talk to and idk 🙈 so I’ve been struggling with my sexuality pretty much always and wondering whether I’m gay or bi or Asexual/-romantic or whatever. Finally I thought hm well I think I definitely like girls and Spencer Reid (literal obsession), but that’d mean I might be bi maybe ? So then I turned my tinder to girls but had my bumble still on guys (cause having both with both seemed overwhelming). I never told any of my friends that I was questioning my sexuality, but I am also mid 20s & never been with anyone so idk but new years comes around and I drunkenly tell a friend that I think I like girls, which she then tells me she does too (literally never thought that, but she’s with a guys and bi but not out ?) and I think (at that point I was black out drunk) I also told a guy friend who recently came out to me that I was „kinda gay too“ (ik wtf). I’m making this so complicated. Basically after years of not talking about this with anyone I drunkenly say stuff like that and the next day we don’t talk about it AT ALL and then you know how I was still on bumble ? Well I decide to swipe one day, not even knowing I if I even like guys and get a match and now I’ve been on two dates with this guy who I think I actually really like and I feel like a fraud? I’ve never felt like this with anyone ever and now after all of that it’s a guy ? I know rationally that it’s not a big deal but I feel so dumb now? Like i regret telling the two friends now because I think they might not take me seriously now if I tell them about him? Which is so dumb because they are both coincidentally fruity too and should get the struggle but I feel like a fraud ? And then I’m like, do you actually like this guy or do you like him and how easy it’d be if you were with a guy ? And then I’m like: did you like guys all along and you just thought you were gay because you didn’t find a good guy ? Like wtf I am so confused 😭😭

Okay, sorry for taking a week to answer this! There's a lotta text and ya girl is hella dyslexic. I LOVE big sister corner!!! <3 <3

The best advice I can really give on sexuality is it's fluid. It's ever-changing for some people. There's some who know right away, very young, what and who they like. For others, it takes time to figure it out, and for some others it kinda comes and goes with a feeling. There are times you can just like people just because you like them, and their gender doesn't matter. That's how I've always been. I've never really cared about gender, it's always about the people and how they make me feel when I'm around them that determines if I want to sleep with them or be in a relationship with them haha.

Sometimes it also takes a long time to find someone who makes you feel good when you're around them! Some people find lots of those people, and for others (like me as well) there's only a handful of people I've ever really gotten gooey with. You're not a fraud if it turns out you're straight. You're in your mid-20's and you don't have to KNOW if you are or not. To me, it doesn't matter if I ever know 100%, but I know for some people it does.

If your friends get upset or annoyed with you for having a fluid/unsure sexuality, then you don't probably want them as friends. Your real friends will support you on your journey and you should be able to talk to them about your unsurety. You can be 'kinda gay!' you can be straight. You DON'T have to know right now (or probably ever, imo). Sexuality isn't a finality, or a proverbial nail in the coffin of who you date. You might find one woman you fall in love with, and the rest of the people you love are men, or vice versa. Everyone's different in how they love and who they love.

This is my long-winded way of saying - you don't have to know right now, or ever. You can explore and wonder and try different things at your pace until you know as best as you can know. It's your sexual and romantic journey. The most important thing is going at your own pace and not pushing yourself to the point that you become scared to ever just BE with someone because you're worried about these labels

[hnterhnter]

.

[foxy-eva]

(In)visible

Summary: There are a lot of obstacles you had to face as a queer woman but you never thought that falling in love with a man was one of them

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Comfort

Content Warnings: crying, coming-out, (internalized) biphobia, bi-visibility, feeling lost within the LGBTIQ+ community

Author’s note: Just a little something for the beginning of pride month! Coming to terms with your own identity can be very scary and confusing. I hope all of my fellow LGBTIQ+ friends here have someone you feel safe with - and if not, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. 

Word count: 1.2k

Masterlist

The three knocks against your apartment door sounded more hesitant than usual and you weren’t the slightest bit surprised by that. Although you didn’t invite him over, you knew that it was only a matter of time until Spencer would come check on you. You could only imagine what was going on inside his head after you’ve avoided talking to him for days. 

For a minute you contemplated whether you should open the door or not until you decided you at least owed Spencer an explanation for your odd behavior. You swung the door open only to find your boyfriend staring at you like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Can I come in?” 

You stepped aside and motioned for him to enter your apartment, closing the door behind him. His eyes wandered up and down your body, clearly analyzing your posture until they landed back on your face. It was as if you heard the gears in his head turning, contemplating what exactly to say to you. 

When you closed the gap between the two of you and swung your arms around him in a tight hug, you were aware that this action was contradicting your demeanor of the past few days. It took him a moment to grasp what was happening until you felt his palms meet your back, holding you closely against his body. You felt how tense he was and heard his accelerated heart-beat, feeling bad for making him feel this way. 

“I’m sorry,” you finally mumbled into the fabric of his dress shirt. 

He tried to pull back to look at you but you didn’t let him, instead tightening the grip you had around his body to show him you still needed to linger inside his embrace. When you were ready to let him go, his eyes instantly fell to the saline droplets streaming down your cheeks. His hands found your face to gently wipe away the tears. 

With furrowed brows he dared to ask the question you have been trying to avoid. “What’s going on?” 

After taking a deep breath, you swallowed the lump in your throat and tried to downplay what was bothering you. Aware that he would notice you faking a smile, you flashed it to him anyway as you said, “Nothing, really. It’s not that bad and I will get over it.”

“Clearly it’s not nothing. You have been avoiding my calls for days and you’re crying right now. Please, talk to me.”

Instead of answering his plea, you shook your head and sat down on your couch. He followed you, taking his seat beside you. 

“I have wrecked my brain for days to figure out what I did to make you mad but I can’t figure it out. I need to know what happened so I can make it up to you. I need you to be okay. I need us to be okay.”

Although you knew that him thinking that he had messed something up was a possibility, hearing how he was clearly beating himself up about this let a knot build inside your stomach. 

“This is not about you, Spencer. You didn’t do anything wrong and I’m sorry that I made you feel this way.” You paused and looked to the floor, not daring to find his eyes while you thought about how to explain the intricacy of your emotions to him. 

After taking another deep breath you said, “I really want to go to the Pride parade next weekend but I don’t feel welcome there anymore.”

There was no need to be a profiler to notice the confusion in his expression. “Why not? As far as I know allies have always been welcome at Pride.”

“I’m not just an ally.”

You looked at him, hoping that you wouldn’t need to explain to him what you meant by that. It took him a second until his facial features softened, obviously understanding what you were trying to say. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” His voice was soothing and you started to relax a little. 

“Yeah, why would you? We’ve only known each other for a couple of months and I’ve never mentioned being bisexual. Everyone automatically assumes that being straight is the default setting.” 

Your words came out harsher than you had intended. Taking his hand in yours, you hoped that he would understand that this wasn’t about you being angry at him, it was about so much more. 

While he rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand, he explained, “I’m aware we haven’t been dating for that long but I really need you to know that I want to be the person you can feel safe with. There is no need to hide any part of yourself from me. I deeply care about you and love you just the way you are. And from now on I’ll try to be better at showing you exactly that.”

A warmth spread in your chest as your heart swelled at what he said. You leaned over to give him a chaste kiss, smiling against his lips when he placed his hand in the nape of your neck to keep you in place and prolong the contact. 

When Spencer pulled back, he still looked concerned, knowing that there were still many things left unsaid. “So, about Pride…,” he started. 

“Yeah, that. I have been celebrating Pride for years now, always feeling like I had my place in this community. But it’s different this year,” you tried to explain. 

“Because you have a boyfriend now?” He wondered. 

“Yes. I only had serious relationships with women before I met you. And I feel so stupid for feeling this way because I know how privileged I am now that I’m passing as straight when I’m out with my partner. However, it also feels like I have lost my place in my community.”

He took both of your hands in his, knowing that physical contact usually soothed you. He clearly tried to choose his words carefully when he hesitantly said, “Did anyone say anything to you about this?”

You shook your head. “No, that’s the thing! My friends and family apparently know more about what being bisexual means than I do.”

With a gentle squeeze of his hands around yours he told you what you had not yet been able to figure out by yourself. “I don’t think this is about being bisexual. Maybe it’s about being visible?”

You felt tears pricking in the corners of your eyes as relief washed over you. “Yes, exactly,” you whispered. 

He softly placed his lips on your cheek, kissing away a single tear that had fallen from your lashes before he said, “I understand that being queer in a relationship that presents as straight can be tricky but you’re just as bisexual now as you were when you dated women. Your identity isn’t defined by the gender of your partner although it might not be as obvious to others than it was before. There is a place for you in the LGBT-community and I really think you should go to the Pride parade next week to see that.”

With a shy smile you looked at your boyfriend when you asked, “Will you come with me?” 

“I would love nothing more.”

Let me know what you think here!

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[gubler-me-up]

Eye of the Beholder

Request: So u and Spence work together and u haven’t gotten together before. One day, the weekend after a tough case, he comes over to hang out only to find you all puffy and a mess. (Like 3 day old unwashed hair). He realizes why, emotions are revealed, and boom! s m u t

A/N: Thanks for the request, @bi-sub-spence! Not going to lie, this took me a minute to write because I wanted to fit every component in that you requested but had to modify some things to make it flow (had to dim the smut down a bit sorry it’s still a smut tho!!) I hope you enjoy it!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Plus!size fem reader

Category: Smut 

Content warning: Self-degradation, mention of a fire, mention of death, fingering, clit stimulation

Word count: 3.7k

——————–

You packed up your things to get ready to leave the bureau for the weekend. You felt as if the week had been longer than a normal week. It felt as if you had just lived through three weeks back to back with no breaks. On top of the case you and the team wrapped up, it felt as if the whole world was out of your hands.

A lot had been going through your head the week before the case. Usual feelings of doubting your impact on the world. The doubt of having a purpose. The case solidified your doubts of even being on the team anymore.

“Y/N.”

You froze when you heard Spencer call you. You felt your throat go dry and your eyes widened as you got lost in your mind. Everything seemed to play out right in front of you again.

“Y/N,” Spencer yelled.

He grabbed your arm to yank you away from the flames coming from inside the house. You tried to yank your arm away from his hand but he wasn’t letting you go. You needed to go back in there to save him. It was your fault he ended up trapped in there in the first place. You should’ve been in there with him.

You tried to yank away from his grasp again but he didn’t give you another chance of trying to get away from him. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back. You were pretty sure he could feel you shaking to your core as manic tears started running down your face and the sound of despair left your mouth.

“Y/N, stop. We can’t do anything,” he said.

“Y/N,” Spencer called again.

You broke out of your train of thought as you turned your head to look behind you. He stood a few inches away from you and the concern plastered on his face wasn’t hard to miss. It was hard to think he would look that concerned if he didn’t already know what you were in deep thought about.

You grabbed your bag and placed it over your shoulder. You flashed a quick smile to show him you were fine. You didn’t fool either of you. You could see in his eyes he had this unwavering sympathy that you wanted to run away from. You didn’t want any more sympathy. You wanted to lay in your bed and forget about your life.

“Are we still on for this weekend?” He asked.

You raised a questionable eyebrow. “On for?”

“Remember? I was going to go over to your place, so we could watch some movies and order pizza,” he said.

“Oh, yeah, about that. I think we should postpone until next weekend,” you said.

You could see the instant disappointment and further concern all mix on his face. He reached out his hand to grab onto your upper arm. He gently rubbed it to send some reassurance your way. On any other day, you would have been giddy if he even reached out in an attempt to touch you but his touch only reminded you of him holding you back from the fire.

“Y/N, we can talk about what happened. You don’t have to go through this alone,” he said.

You flashed a smile. “Thanks but I just need some sleep. I’ll talk to you on Monday.”

Before he could get another word in, you yanked your arm away from his touch and walked past him. You rushed out of the bullpen before he could try to stop you because you knew he will. It’s not as if you blamed him for holding you back from saving a life. In fact, you blamed yourself a great deal for putting someone’s life in danger through your missteps. Going back in the fire was the least you could do to amend for what you did.

When you unlocked your apartment door, you didn’t feel your usual sense of relief of being home. After a long case away, you would have been giddy to be back in your bed. However, you still felt torn inside. You couldn’t get the fire away from your sight. The smell of smoke still filling your lungs. The last bit of chance saving Michael when you saw him close the door.

You walked in and closed the door behind you. You dropped your bag at the door as it was becoming too heavy. Not because it was packed heavily, you actually packed it quite light. You just couldn’t find the strength to hold anything anymore. You barely even had the strength to stand as you felt your knees shaking.

You could feel your whole body shake the more you walked towards your room. You wanted to crawl into your bed immediately and forget about your week. It would be even better if you could forget about your whole existence as well.

You opened your bedroom door to be greeted by the mess of your room. Clothes on the floor, cups half-filled covered your nightstand, your bed unmade. It would stay like that until you found the energy to sort it out. The way you felt like not moving for an eternity, you guessed it would have to wait that long to get done as well.

You passed by your huge standing mirror in your room. You stopped and looked at yourself. You scanned your body from head to toe and back up. You knew if you weren’t horridly overweight you could have ran faster to grab Michael in time.

You pinched the skin on your side. You kept pinching it harder and harder and harder until it became numb pain. You watched yourself in the mirror. You looked like an absolute wreck.

You stopped pinching your side and moved your hand’s attention to your face. You caressed over the scars of imperfections past covering your face. You tilted your face up to reveal even more of them covering your neck and chest.

You were disgusted by yourself. Of course Michael wouldn’t trust you. You looked like his enemy. You would run into a ticking time bomb as well.

You could hear your phone ringing from within your bag. You couldn’t find the strength to move away from the mirror to answer it. It felt as if your brain couldn’t think of anyone wanting to contact you after figuring out who you truly were: a monster. You let it ring.

And let it ring and ring again. You just let it ring as you stared at yourself until your eyes felt as if they were going black with only the imagery of flames being the constant flash of light in the darkness. You could feel the smoke in your lungs. You wanted to scream out for Michael but you couldn’t make a peep. You just stood there, useless.

Your phone was still ringing but there was a faint knocking coming from afar. You groaned as you opened your eyes. You didn’t even remember getting into bed but you were glad you were laying down. You couldn’t even fathom getting up. The noise around you, however, was making it difficult for you to fall back asleep.

You couldn’t think of what all the noise was for. You were starting to think it was all in your head. You couldn’t think of one person who would be calling you nonstop, let alone someone visiting you. You closed your eyes to try to shut out the noise and to go back to forgetting about your existence.

“Y/N.”

Your eyes shot open when you heard the faint sound of your voice being called. The voice sounded familiar but you decided to not decipher it. If you ignored them for long enough, they would probably go away. However, they kept calling and calling and calling your name. Your phone was also still ringing and if you could guess, whoever was calling your phone was also calling your name.

“Y/N.”

You slowly got up from your bed to go towards your front door. You had a feeling the voice behind the door was the only person you knew who would come to check on you.

You stood at your door and peeped through the peephole to see Spencer standing there, knocking and calling out your name. You couldn’t see his expression clearly but from the sound of his voice you could tell just how much concern he had for your wellbeing.

You would open the door to show him you were fine but he would see right through it. Your hair hadn’t been washed in a while, you were still in your work clothes and who knows what your face looked like with all the smudged makeup you had failed to take off. You would look like the monster you knew you were all along.

“Y/N, if you can hear me, can you please let me know you’re okay? I’ve tried to call you all weekend but you haven’t been answering. I just need to know you’re okay,” he said.

You sighed as you unlocked your front door but made sure the chain was still intact. You didn’t want him to see the whole of you. Just enough so he knew you were breathing.

As you opened the door, you saw his face immediately relax in relief as he saw half your face peeking at him. He looked at his phone and immediately hung up whoever he was calling. When he did, your phone stopped ringing as well, as you had expected.

“I’m okay,” you said.

“You haven’t responded to anyone’s calls or texts for almost three days. I-well, we were all worried,” he said.

“I’ve just been taking some time for myself. Nothing to worry about,” you said.

“If that’s the case, may I come in? I brought some movies and popcorn, so we can hang out and hopefully make you feel better about our last case,” he said.

As soon as he said that, you could feel your mouth go dry. The cloud of smoke came over your vision and the heaviness filled your lungs. It was almost too hard to stand. You could only shake your head as you tried to close the door. He stopped you by shoving his foot in-between the door, so you couldn’t lock him out.

You looked at his foot blocking your escape. You wanted to slam the door in his face and run back into your bed. You didn’t even know why you got out in the first place. Now he wasn’t going to let you go so easily.

“Y/N, can you please let me in?” He begged.

“Spence, I think it’s best I don’t,” you said.

“Why’s that?” He asked.

“Because…” you started as tears flowed down your face.

There was a moment of silence between you two as he waited for you to continue. You were having trouble piecing together why you didn’t want to let him in. You were a mess, you were worthless, you were hideous. You couldn’t let him come any closer to you.

Then you felt his hand cup your face as his thumb gently wiped away a tear. You didn’t want to look up at him to see any more of you. Not the tears, not the scars, not the smudged makeup. You didn’t want him to see you for who you really were.

“I’m not going to let someone I love suffer in silence like this,” he said.

You immediately looked up as soon as he said the word ‘love.’ You had to look at him to see if you had imagined those words leaving his mouth. As soon as your eyes met his, you knew he meant what he had said. His eyes were filled with concern and care you hadn’t seen anyone have for you in years.

You sighed as you unhooked the chain on your door to fully open it. He removed his hand from your face as he shuffled his way inside of your apartment. He didn’t take your eyes off of you the whole time as you closed the door. It made you self-conscious. He could see how awful you looked. The raw you. How you felt on the inside.

He looked at you with no distaste though. He gave you a gracious smile, almost sympathetic. You wanted to hide away from his gaze. Even though he was smiling at you, you felt as if he was judging every part of you.

He probably wondered why you were still in your work clothes from Friday or why your makeup was still on. Your hair was tangled and unwashed. You wondered if he could tell. You started to sweat from being nervous of him possibly thinking you smell since you hadn’t showered in almost three full days.

“It’s okay to ask for help sometimes,” he said as he dropped his bag.

“What?” You asked.

“Have you had a relaxing bath in a while? That's what I do when I’m feeling down,” he said.

“You said you couldn’t let someone you love suffer. I’m just happy you stopped by to say that. You don’t have to do anything else,” you insisted.

He shook his head. “I want to. I feel terrible for not going home with you on Friday to make sure you were okay. The look you had on Friday left me feeling…guilty.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Guilty?”

“I should have tried better to let you know that nothing was your fault about the case. I know how hard you take things and it hurts knowing you get down on yourself. I just want to hold you close to let you know everything’s okay,” he admitted.

You let out a long sigh after digesting everything he said. It  didn’t fully erase the pain or depression you were feeling towards yourself or the case but you loved the fact he was trying. You could hear how genuine he was about wanting to be there for you.

You formed a small smile. “This job is haunting. It doesn’t help that tough cases weigh heavy on me and I start questioning myself even more than I already do.”

“You shouldn’t do that. You’re a great profiler, a great person, and most importantly, you’re you. You should love everything about you as much as I do,” he said.

You paused before you said anything again. That was the second time he had said he loved you. At first you didn’t think much of it but now you were considering he was trying to tell you something. You stared at him intently to see if he looked as if he loved you. If you were as great of a profiler as he said, you could tell.

“How much do you love me?” You asked, softly.

“I love you enough to start a hot bath for you and we’ll go from there,” he suggested with a shrug.

“I’d like that a lot,” you sniffled.

Spencer had his back towards you as you took off your clothes to hop in the hot bubble bath he had prepared for you. Even having him so close to you made you nervous. What if he could somehow see your rolls or stretch marks on your thighs? Would he take back everything he said before if he saw how low your breasts sagged without a bra?

You could feel the cloud come back over you as you hopped into the tub. Even though his words made you feel alive inside, you couldn’t shake the awful thoughts about yourself fully. It was not knowing how he’d react to you once he saw your naked body. If he saw your naked body.

You looked at him to see his back still turned as he leaned against the doorframe. You splashed some water on your face to remove your makeup residue, so you were completely you. You could feel your hands shake.

“Are you in the tub?” He asked.

“Yup,” you said.

“Would you like anything? I can get you something to drink or even a snack,” he said.

“No thank you,” you said.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to relax. I’ll just be out in your living room,” he said.

“Wait,” you said.

You paused before you continued. You didn’t know if you wanted to say what you wanted to anymore. You sighed as you were about to tell him ‘nevermind.’

“Can you stay here with me? Like, sit next to me,” you asked.

He slowly turned around to look at you. Your heart stopped as he examined you with wide, curious eyes. He smiled as he walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet right next to the bathtub as you requested. He was blushing as he tried not to peek at the body parts not covered by the millions of bubbles.

You tried to cover yourself up with as many bubbles as possible. You couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking. He probably saw you for your real size and real scars and hated it. He was just too polite to say anything about it. You started to think it was a horrible idea inviting him to be with you while you bathed three days of filth away.

“You really love bubbles,” he commented.

“Yeah,” you whispered.

He looked at you concerned. “Is there something wrong? Is the water too hot? Do I make you uncomfortable? If I’m staring a lot, I don’t mean to it’s just that-”

“You think I’m hideous,” you said.

He violently shook his head as he looked repulsed by you even uttering those words. He gently grabbed your hand from the depths of the hot water to hold it in his. He squeezed it tight and held it close to him as he gave you that same genuine look from when you opened the door.

“Y/N, I know learning to love yourself takes time but I want you to know that I love everything about you. You’re the most gorgeous woman to me, inside and out. I’ll be here every step of the way to help you realize that,” he said.

You could feel the tears flow down his face as you listened to him. Some of the words he said were finally sticking to your brain as you started to accept his feelings. It meant the world to you he was there for you with such love and generosity in his heart.

“I love you, Spence,” you said.

He smiled. “I love you too. Is there anything else you need me to do for you?”

He used his free hand to wipe your tears as you thought about what you really wanted his hands to do. You wanted him to feel the real you. If he loved you for you, would he be willing to touch you in more ways than just your hands?

“It’s a weird request and don’t feel obligated to,” you said.

“I’d do anything for you. All you gotta do is ask,” he said.

“Can you make me feel…feel…” you said as you tried to put it into words.

He used his free hand to caress your neck up and down. You smiled at his gentle touch as he understood your drift without you needing to explain yourself further.

“Would you like me to go lower?” He asked.

You nodded. “Yes, please.”

He smiled as his face turned visibly red. He caressed his hand down your neck to your chest. You watched as his eyes focused on your breasts as he gently cupped one in your hand and gently massaged your nipple. You softly moaned.

“Am I doing good?” He asked.

“Very,” you moaned.

He smiled. “Would you like me to go lower?”

You nodded and he didn’t hesitate to obey. You watched as his hands caressed down your stomach. You held your breath as nerves took you over as he touched your stomach. You were sure he’d say something about your rolls but he seemed laser-focused on pleasuring you. Good thing his sleeves were already rolled up.

His hand reached your clit and you moaned as you felt him carefully rubbing it. You clenched your hand tighter in his as you tried to steady your breathing. You couldn’t imagine the last time you felt so excited inside. It was as if something inside of you was coming alive.

“Do you want me to go faster?” He asked.

“Yes,” you moaned.

He did just as you wanted. He circled your clit over and over again until you were practically moaning his name unprovoked. He yanked your hand towards him to move you closer to him. He embraced you in a kiss as soon as he snuck two fingers into you.

You aggressively moaned in his mouth as his fingers curled in you. He gently rubbed your g-spot as his thumb still worked vigorously on your clit. You could barely keep your composure as he made you feel things you couldn’t put into sensible words.

“Oh my God, Spence,” you moaned.

He kissed you again. “I just want you to feel good. Always.”

You grabbed onto his shirt to pull him close to you. He immediately went back to kissing you, not getting enough of you. He let go of your hand to grab the back of your neck to keep you in place. He engulfed every moan you let out as his fingers worked you.

They worked you so much, your legs were shaking in the water. You could make waves from how much they were trembling. This tingling came over your body and your breathing became unstable to the point you thought you weren’t even in the moment anymore. You were somewhere else completely experiencing heaven.

You broke away from his mouth as you let out a breathless moan. You felt the electrifying feeling of an orgasm go through your body. You hadn’t felt something so intense in years. Once it passed, you looked Spencer in his eyes. He stared at you with a joyous smile on his face as he pulled his fingers out of you.

“You look at peace,” he said.

“Because I kind of am. You’ve made me feel things I haven’t felt in awhile,” you said.

“I’m glad I could make you feel that way. I hope this is a start in making you feel happier and happier today,” he said.

“I think we’re off to a good start to making that happen. Maybe the next steps would be some needed help with cleaning my room," you said.

He smiled and nodded. “Anything for you.”

—–

MASTERLIST

Tagged: @shadyladyperfection @slutforthegubes @pinkdiamond1016 @spencerreidsthings @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @slutforsr @bxtchboy69 @fallinallinmendes @haihappen5 @mgg-theprettiestboy @siltuz-png @ptrs-prkrs @agentadhd @fanofalltheficsx @alexmarie29 @closetedreidstan @mac99martin @dinsprettygirl @multixfandomwriter @reidbuck @corishirogane3 @thegoddamncrazycatlady @pastelbabygirl19 @shadybagelsludgecolor @bootycrackraisinjuice @vintagebeauty1496 @laneybobeczko-g @littlewierdalien @cynbx @calm-and-doctor @muffin-cup @jessalyn-jpeg @princesssmooshie @solitarypeachh @spensual​ @gubler-me-swallow-me @reidsbookclub @isabellasimps @doctorspenceryeet

[thatgirlstrawberry]

💛Sunshine💛 pt. 3 - Charlie

In which you all read about Spencer's Family life

Overall Warnings: fluff, mentions of sex, children lol, lmk if anything was missed

Joshua Bassett and Riele Downs as Charlie Reid and Emmy Sullivan

Maggie Pullman's trial was over. Audrey helped her win of course. But the thing Audrey was most excited about was that it was over. It had been three weeks since the dinner with Derek Morgan and Savanah. After that night, Audrey had been feeling... funny.

It was the day after the case ended and Audrey was buzzing with excitement because today, she'd get to go pick up Charlie.

Audrey got pregnant with Charlie when she was twenty-one. It was before she and Spencer got married. Three weeks after Charlie was born, they got married at the courthouse. They never had a big wedding but deep down Audrey really wanted one. She told herself that it was okay and she didn't need it. She was just happy that she was with the love of her life.

After sixteen hours of excruciating labor on February 19th, Charlie Reid was brought into the world. Audrey was drenched in sweat and Spencer held a cold washcloth to her forehead. "You did so good, Audrey."

She took a second to breathe. "Let's get married." She blurted. Spencer widened his eyes and gulped.

"What?" He blinked.

Audrey swallowed nervously but then smiled. "You and me. Let's get married. You can fly your mom down here, bring Gideon or Hotch or Elle or Morgan. I don't care I just know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Spencer dropped the washcloth she was holding and grabbed onto her hands.

"I can't believe you just asked me to marry you." He shook his head. Audrey's smiled dropped and she became worried.

"You don't want to marry me?" She asked, starting to tear up.

Spencer placed one of his hands on her cheek. "Oh! I do. I really do but I can't believe you beat me to asking." He chuckled. Audrey let out it a breath of relief. "I don't have a ring. I'm sorry." He told her.

"It doesn't matter." She shook her head as Spencer pressed his forehead against hers. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." She whispered. It was like a chant. She was cut off when a nurse came back with their baby.

The nurse smiled at the couple. "Here comes baby...?"

Audrey smiled and held her arms out for him. "Charlie Jason Reid." She breathed out. The middle name Jason came from Gideon. Spencer learned so much from that man he just had to keep him in his life no matter what. The nurse smiled and handed the baby to Spencer who then transferred him to Audrey. "Oh, he's so cute." She smiled as tears stung her eyes.

He already had a lot of hair, probably because of Spencer. "He looks just like you," Spencer whispered, brushing his fiancée hair back, away from her forehead.

The new mother smiled as Charlie wrapped his small hand around Spencer's finger. He smiled lovingly at the newborn but then remembered something. "I uh... I made Morgan turn on the sirens and drive me here. I think I should go explain to my team what happened." Audrey nodded and Spencer kissed her slowly.

When he separated from her, he touched Charlie's nose softly and smiled. He waved at the baby before leaving the room. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and pressed his lips together when he saw his whole team standing there with confusion written all over their faces.

"Spence, what just happened," JJ asked.

The doctor bit his lip and shuffled over to them. "My son was just born." He told them as nonchalantly as he could. Morgan almost completely fell over and JJ widened her eyes, placing her hand on her chest.

Garcia was frozen in shock and Hotch and Gideon just stood there looking even more confused. "Kid, you didn't think to tell us that Audrey was pregnant!?" Morgan almost yelled.

"Reid, I didn't even know you had a girlfriend!" Elle smirked.

"Pregnant," Garcia whispered. "Audrey was... pregnant. Now she's not. Because a little baby boy wonder was just born." She was speaking like she was in a trance. "Big boy wonder didn't think to tell us," The woman walked up to him, her heels clicking on the linoleum, and slapped him a few times on the shoulder. "A baby... Your baby was just born! Why didn't you tell us!?"

"Uh, yeah. I would like to know too! This is so great, Spence!" JJ scoffed. Spencer nodded his head, feeling a little guilty.

"Can we meet the kid or not?" Gideon asked stepping forward and patting him on the shoulder.

Spencer breathed out and smiled. "Yeah. Yeah... I have a son now." He couldn't believe it. It was just so crazy to him. "Come on, guys." He waved his hand in the direction of the room.

When they stepped inside, Audrey was rocking Charlie back and forth and singing to him. "You are my sunshine..." She stopped when she looked up and saw everyone.

Penelope started to squeal quietly as she took short but very loud steps towards them. "Oh... oh! He's so cute!" Audrey smiled up at her. "Oh, what's his name!?"

Audrey looked at Spencer and nodded her head. He nodded back and looked at the rest of his team who stood by the door. "Um. Everybody, this is Charlie Jason Reid." Gideon smiled and placed his hand on his chest.

"That means a lot to me, Reid. It really does."

So the next few minutes were spent with the team congratulating the young couple and introducing themselves to the baby. They all took turns holding him and trying to tickle him. Spencer and Audrey could say that they were the happiest they'd ever been.

"Make sure you use the bathroom before we go!" Audrey yelled at the bottom of the stairs. "It's a four-hour drive and really don't feel like stopping and I'm sure your brother doesn't want to wait any longer than he has to!" She called to her other kids who were shuffling around upstairs.

"Okay!" Joey yelled, obviously annoyed. Audrey rolled her eyes and walked into the kitchen where Spencer was busy packing snacks for the road.

"Don't forget the fruit snacks for bunny." The woman pointed out. Spencer looked up with a smile as he put a few oranges in the bag.

"How could I ever forget fruit snacks? Last time we forgot them she screamed all the way there and back." He breathed out shaking his head.

Audrey smiled and walked around the island. She wrapped her arms around him from began pressed her face against the middle of his back. She hadn't grown at all since they had met nineteen years earlier. "Can we stop on the way back for that really good seafood place? I kinda want some shrimp."

Spencer almost gasped when she mentioned wanting shrimp. "But Aud, you hate shrimp." He continued to pack up bottles of water.

"Well, what if after I had Sadie, I started liking shrimp?" She asked, closing her eyes. She didn't really get the big deal.

"Only a hand full of women, approximately five in seventy-eight end up liking foods that they craved when they were pregnant. It's not as common as you think." He told her, turning around and looking down at her. Audrey furrowed her eyebrows.

"What are you saying then, Spencer?" Her arms loosened from around him and she stepped back a little. He tilted his head to the side.

He shrugged his shoulders and bit the inside of his cheek. "You... you think you're pregnant again?" Spencer's voice was quiet. "You're supposed to start your period on the twenty-second. It's the twenty-third and I know you haven't started yet because there aren't any tampons, pads, or batteries for the heating pad in the house."

Audrey shrugged and crossed her arms. "It's just a day late, Spence. It happens." She was becoming annoyed but she didn't know why.

"Can you just..." He looked behind him to make sure neither of the kids were listening. "Can you just take a test? Just to be sure?"

The woman crossed her arms tighter around herself and scoffed. "No. I don't need to because I'm not pregnant." She almost snapped. "I'm going to get the kids that we actually have in the car."

She walked away, her sneakers making her footsteps light. Spencer knew that if she was wearing heels she makes it known that she was stomping. He heard her call the kids down and their footsteps carried through the house until it was silent.

Spencer placed his hands on the counter and sighed. He thought back to when he missed all of Audrey's last pregnancy because he was in prison. It was hard and he didn't want her to come to any visitations because the only time she went, an inmate cat called her and told her that he'd love to be her 'baby daddy.'

He didn't like that so he took her off of his approved visitor's list. She stayed with Spencer's mom a few days at a time and just hope that one day, the list would be updated and she'd be allowed to see her husband. She'd given each member of his team a drawing that Joey had made, so when they'd go and visit him, they could show it to him.

"Dad, are you coming!?" Spencer's son's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah!" He called back. He grabbed the bag of snacks off the counter and slipped it over his shoulder.

◇●◇●◇

The drive was quiet. Joey was confused as to why his parents weren't talking like they usually did and Sadie just sat there munching on Cheez-its and watching a movie on her iPad.

Joey furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, taking his phone out of his pocket. The couple's song even came on they didn't obnoxiously sing to the kids like they did every time. The boy decided to distract himself with videos of people playing Call Of Duty.

Joey remembered one other time that they were like this. Spencer had been reckless in the field and he almost died. Hotch called Audrey to tell her and she almost passed out. When Spencer returned home, she refused to talk to him. He almost left his kids without a father and his wife without the love of her life. Joey didn't understand what happened at that time but he could tell that his mom was scared.

Once they got to the camp, Audrey looked back at the kids. Sadie was trying not to doze off and Joey wasn't paying attention to anything other than his phone. "Hey, guys. We're here!" Audrey told them excitedly.

Sadie perked up and Joey tugged his headphones off. Spencer smiled at them before getting out of the car and stretching. He walked around the front of the car and opened the door for Audrey who smiled softly and got out of the car.

She went over to Sadie's door and opened it. The girl had already climbed out of her booster seat and jumped into Audrey's arms. "Are you excited, bunny?" The woman laughed. Spencer and Joey watched as the little girl nodded her head vigorously.

"Okay, okay! We'll get to see Charlie after his game okay?"

Every year before the parents took their kids home, there was a basketball game. Charlie was a pretty good basketball player. He messed up sometimes but Audrey just called it, harnessing his dad's athleticism.

Audrey grabbed the bag of snacks from the floor after putting Sadie down. When they were all ready to walk in, Spencer's phone rang. Audrey stopped walking Joey looked up at Spencer. He took his phone out of his pocket and checked it before declining the call.

"Telemarketing." He stated. Audrey sighed in relief and smiled. She took both of her kid's hands and made her way to the multi-purpose center on the campgrounds.

Spencer followed behind. He made sure that Audrey wasn't looking as he tapped on Hotch's contact. He typed out a message.

Sorry, I can't make it. I'll call you later.

He sent it after sighing quietly. Audrey looked back at him to see if he was okay and he replaced his frown with a close-lipped smile. She let out a breath and turned back around.

◇●◇●◇

Spencer and Audrey watched as Charlie traveled up the court, dribbling the basketball. Sweat dripped from his forehead and he took the winning shot. Joey cheered for his big brother as the ball dropped through the hoop and the buzzer sounded throughout the gym. "Yes!" Joey clapped, jumping up and down.

The whole gym erupted into cheers as the game finished. "Audrey clapped and cheered loudly. Spencer held Sadie on top of his shoulders as she squealed loudly, pumping her fists in the air.

Charlie was lifted into the air by his teammates and he caught sight of his family cheering for him. He smiled brightly and waved before he was yanked back down to the ground. His team celebrated with him before the cheering died down. He headed to the lobby to wait for his family.

When they came into sight, his smile grew as Joey detached himself from his mother's side and launched forward, running for his big brother. Once he reached him, they did their "secret" handshake and hugged each other.

When they finally broke away from each other, Audrey ran forward and attacked her son with a big hug. Spencer carried Sadie over.

"Oh, I missed you, Char!" Audrey exclaimed, squeezing him.

Charlie hugged back but after a moment he patted his mom's back. "Mom, you're killing me." He grunted out. Audrey pulled back quickly and held him at arm's length. He'd gotten so much taller since she'd last seen him. He was a little taller than her. "I've only been gone for a month."

The woman rolled her eyes. "Sorry for being such a mom, Charlie." Her laugh was cut short when Sadie jumped at Charlie.

"You smell gross." She grimaced dramatically, waving her hand in front of her nose. Charlie laughed and set her down. "You been gone forever!" She yelled.

"I know. I know. But I'm coming home today, Sades." Despite his sweaty smell, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed.

Spencer was next to hug Charlie. "You did great, Charlie!" He praised after pulling away.

The boy looked up at his dad with a smile. "Thanks. It wasn't just me but-"

"Hey, Charlie!"

The family turned around to see a girl running towards them. She had beautiful dark skin and chocolate eyes. "Emmy? I thought you left already."

The girl, Emmy, smiled and shrugged. "I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." Audrey looked up at Spencer with raised eyebrows. He looked down at her with the same expression.

Charlie noticed his whole family standing there looking confused and he cleared his throat. "Um. Guys, this is Emmy." Emmy turned to them with a big smile.

"Hi! I was at the music camp across the lake." She greeted.

Audrey smiled and stuck her hand out. "I'm Charlie's mom. That's so cool. I tried to get Charlie to go but he said he wanted-" The woman was cut off by her oldest son clearing his throat and giving her a look. She took a breath. "It's nice to meet you, Emmy."

Charlie's face turned red as Emmy turned to face his two siblings. She kneeled in from of Sadie. "Hi. What's your name?"

"Sadie." The little girl answered. Before Emmy could say anything, Sadie spoke up again. "I have a question. Are you Charlie's girlfriend?" Charlie seemed to choke on air and Emmy widened her eyes. Spencer scooped Sadie up and looked at Emmy.

"Sorry about her. Um... I'm Charlie's dad." He introduced. He glanced at his son to see him shaking his head and blushing profusely.

Emmy waved shyly. "Oh! Charlie told me about you. You're an FBI agent." She nodded, folding her hands in front of her. "That's so cool."

"Yeah! I'm a profiler-" Emmy looked back at Charlie who was looking at his dad. "Uh, never mind. It was really nice meeting you, Emmy."

The girl smiled and nodded. "You too." She clapped her hands together and turned n her heels to face Charlie. "I uh... I have to go. I'll text you when I get home, okay?"

"Okay. Have a... good drive?" He told her awkwardly. Audrey could see that he was scolding himself as she walked away.

Once her figure disappeared down a hallway, Charlie let out a big breath that he had been holding ever since she walked up to them. Joey smirked up at Charlie. "She your girlfriend?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Charlie rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag from next to his feet. "Came we go home now?" He asked. Even though he didn't get an answer he began walking towards the doors of the building. Audrey sighed and headed after him.

Spencer looked down at his other child and nodded before walking towards the exit with Sadie in his arms.

Outside, Audrey was walking right next to Charlie. She was silent which was odd to Charlie who knew that every time he talked to a girl, she'd ask him questions about her.

"Why aren't you asking?" He asked skeptically.

Audrey shrugged. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. You seemed kind of upset in there."

Charlie smiled and glanced at the ground. "You can ask, mom."

The woman immediately broke into a smile and looped her arm through his. "Do you like her?" Charlie chuckled at her excitement.

He bit the inside of his cheek and looked behind them to see if Joey or Sadie were listening. When he saw them talking to their dad he sighed. "Yeah. We met on bonfire night and we talked like... the whole time."

Audrey smiled up at him excitedly. "Char, I'm so happy for you. Does she live here? In Virginia?"

"She lives like... forty-five minutes away from Quantico." The boy smiled and turned red.

When they got to the car, Charlie called the seat near the window that wasn't by Sadie's car seat. Joey complained about it but Audrey looked at him with a stern expression.

Sadie whined about the car stinking because of Charlie so, Audrey gave the boy some deodorant spray. He rolled his eyes and Sadie stuck her tongue out at him.

The car drive was silent until Spencer spoke up. "Do you still wanna stop at that seafood place?" He asked his wife. She didn't look at him but she shook her head. He was hoping to get a verbal response from her because he hadn't really got on since he mentioned the possibility that she might be pregnant.

Charlie shot Joey a questioning look. Joey pulled out his phone and typed something on his notes app.

Mom and dad are fighting.'

Charlie raised his eyebrows and glanced at his parents and back at Joey. The boy shrugged and shook his head, turning to face the front again.

◇●◇●◇

The family stopped at a gas station on the way back. Charlie went inside with Joey to the boy's bathroom and Audrey went with Sadie to the girl's bathroom. Spencer stayed outside so he could pump gas into the car.

After he put the nozzle in the gas tank, his phone rang. He took it out of his pocket and saw that it was Hotch calling again. He sighed and click the answer button, lifting the phone to his ear.

"Reid is everything alright with Audrey? With the kids?"

Spencer felt bad because Hotch sounded so worried. "Yeah. Um, I'm really sorry. I couldn't be called in then. We were all picking Charlie up from his basketball camp and I-"

"Reid." Spencer stopped rambling. "I understand. It's a local case so just try to come when you can."

The doctor let out a big breath of relief and saw his family walking out of the gas station. "I'll be there tonight. I have to go."

With that, he hung up and smiled at Audrey who looked at him as the kids climbed in the car. "Who was that?" She asked, leaning against the car.

"Hotch needs me to go into the office when we get back to Quantico." He saw how her face fell. "It's a local case so I'll be back."

She nodded her head. "Ok." She crossed her arms and began to walk to the other side of the car.

Spencer sighed. "Audrey." He called. She stopped and turned back to him. "Honey, can we talk? I know something is bothering and I have a pretty good idea of what."

Audrey uncrossed her arms and sighed. "We can talk when you get back home later." She told him before walking around the car to her side to get in. Spencer nodded and took the gas pump out of the tank, placing back where it goes and opening the driver's side door.

◇●◇●◇

Audrey, Spencer, and the kids all entered the house. Spencer told Charlie to go shower because he didn't smell good at all and the other two kids went upstairs to their rooms.

Both Audrey and Spencer headed to the kitchen. "Do you have your go-bag ready, honey?" Audrey asked.

Her husband sighed. "Yeah. It's in the car... listen, Aud. I don't have to go in. We-"

Audrey smiled and walked towards him. "Spence, go. I'll be here when you get back. I promise." She looked into his eyes as he stared down at her sadly. "You have people to save. Go save them." She placed her hands on his chest to fix his tie.

Spencer caught her hands before she could move them. "I love you, Audrey."

"And I love you, Spence." She stood on her tippy toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

◇▪︎◇▪︎◇

Four hours later, Spencer could barely concentrate. He stared at the note that the unsub left on the latest victim. He lifted his hand to his chin as he squinted, reading the words.

"Hey, Spence." He looked over to see JJ walking in with a tray of coffees. "Are you okay?"

The doctor sighed and his posture collapsed. He looked over at JJ and fakely smiled. "Not really."

"Why? What happened?" She asked.

Spencer rubbed his face with his hand and sighed again. "I think Audrey's pregnant again and that makes her upset... somehow." He shook his head and stuck his hands on his hips. "I mean- JJ, she has most of the symptoms. She missed her cycle, she didn't sleep with any blankets last night and she usually does that when she pregnant and she wanted shrimp. Shrimp, JJ! Audrey hates shrimp!"

JJ stepped back with her hands up. "Okay, Spence, breathe." She told him. "Maybe... uh I don't know... maybe she's scared."

Spencer looked back up at her with furrowed eyebrows. "Scared? Why would she be scared? We already have three kids, JJ."

The blonde scoffed. "Exactly." The doctor kept his confused look and JJ laughed. "You may be a genius in all other things but apparently your wife isn't one of them." She mumbled, knowing full well that Spencer heard. "She might be scared because she doesn't know if she can take care of three kids. And- and she might think that she can't handle it because you're always away."

Reid scoffed. "I'm not an absent father, JJ. I'd never do that to Audrey or the kids. I will not be like my dad."

"No- no Spence, I wasn't saying that. I'm just telling you what might be wrong with Audrey. I just- I want you to be prepared for the answer you get when you talk to her." She paused. "You are going to talk to her... right?"

"Of course! Yeah! Right when I get home tonight..." He trailed off.

Rossi walked in quickly. "Sorry, kid. You're not going home tonight. We got a lead on the unsub." Spencer and JJ looked at each other and sighed. "Vest up, would you?"

◇●◇●◇

Spencer sighed as he shut the door to his home a day later. It was eleven-thirty at night and he was sure that his kids and wife were asleep. He put in the code to stop the alarm and set his bag down by the cubbies for the kids.

He had called Audrey briefly the night before, telling her that he wouldn't be able to make it home. She was obviously disappointed but she didn't say that.

Reid inhaled slowly and let it out before making his way up the stairs. He stopped at Charlie's door and opened it slowly. The TV was illuminating the room and his oldest son's sleeping body. He smiled softly and shut the door. Next, he opened Joey's door where he laid, cuddled up with his pillow. He'd definitely deny it if either one of his parents asked so Spencer moved on.

He opened Sadie's door and saw her surrounded with a bunch of her stuffed animals as she snored softly. His smile grew and he softly shut the door.

His heart sped up as he neared his and Audrey's room. He opened the door slowly, trying to be quiet. When he entered he observed the bed and saw that his wife wasn't there.

Spencer heard sniffles coming from the bathroom. He quickly but quietly rushed towards the bathroom and opened the door. Audrey sat on the ground in tears with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her hands were folded in her lap as she rocked back and forth trying to hold in a sob.

"Love, what's wrong?" Spencer asked as he stepped into the bathroom, sitting in front of her.

She shook her head as tears escaped her eyes. "I'm sorry." She whispered. Her voice shook.

Her husband furrowed his eyebrows and scooted forward, getting closer to her. "About what, honey?"

Audrey didn't say anything. She just pulled her hand from her lap and held it out in front of her. Spencer looked down.

The woman held a stick in her hand. His eyes soft more than they already were as he cradled her shaking hand in his. He studied it and realized what it was.

He saw the two dark lines on the test and glanced up at Audrey. "You're...?" She sniffled and nodded. "Why are you sorry?" Spencer asked, placing his hand on her cheeks and using his thumb to wipe away her tears.

Audrey drew in a slow breath. "You- you were r-right and I yelled at you. I- I just-" She stopped and let out a small sob.

"Hey, hey, hey," Spencer whispered. He placed his hand on the back of her neck and brought her head to his chest. "It's okay, Aud. I know." He cooed as she cried into his chest quietly. "And if you're scared... b-because you don't think that we'll be able to handle it- if you think you can't handle it, Audrey I'll be here. I always have and I always will." His hand rubbed her back as she calmed.

"What if we don't have enough space?" She mumbled, pulling her head back and looking into his eyes.

Spencer tilted his head and smiled softly. "We'll make space, honey. We have a guest bedroom that we can move one of the boys into. We have Sadie's old crib in the basement... Audrey, we've got this."

Audrey nodded at him and smiled a small smile. "Spence..." She trailed off. She looked down at her stomach. "We're having another baby."

The man smiled and kissed his wife's hand. "I hope it's a girl."

Audrey burst out laughing. "God knows we can't handle another boy." She told him through a fit of giggles.

Spencer laughed and placed a kiss to her cheek. "We've got this, Audrey."

[imagining-in-the-margins]

It’s Personal (S.R.)

Summary: Reader reminds Spencer’s team that it’s never appropriate to ask someone for their age, even if they’re dating their coworker. Request: Reader & Spencer run into the team and they’re all shocked that Spencer kept the secret for so long and that the reader is so young (early 20s). A/N: Keep an eye out for very bi Spencer. Couple: Spencer Reid/GN!Reader Category: Fluff (PG-13, implied sexual discussion) Content Warning: Secret relationship, mild jealousyWord Count: 3.1k

MASTERLIST

You know those days where you just sit there and think: this might as well happen? It was one of those days.

My boyfriend had agreed to take me out on the first date in what had been a very long time. Considering the details of the prolonged interval included a kidnapping, a prison sentence, and a shank, I won’t go into them. All that mattered was that my boyfriend was coming to pick me up for our first date in what felt like a century when a pair of vaguely familiar faces waltzed into my work ten minutes after my shift ended.

Spencer had just barely missed the window of opportunity to save me from the hell of being questioned by the BAU.

“Do you remember anything about when you left Monday night?” Emily asked. Her voice was just as smooth and serious as I’d expected. She fit her job so well that I would have never guessed she'd stumbled into it the way she did if I didn’t know. But of course, I did know. Spencer had told me.

“Not really. It was just like every other day. My boyfriend came to pick me up.”

“He always picks you up after your shifts?”

I narrowed my eyes and puffed my cheeks, trying to figure out how the hell to explain this without using his name or explaining his job back to her. She would figure it out. They were profilers, after all. They should have been able to figure it out if I talked for long enough.

“Not exactly. He’s usually pretty busy with work, but if he’s around, then, yeah,” I vaguely explained. But any chance of my keeping up that charade was destroyed in the blink of an eye with one simple question.

“Do you think we could talk to him?”

With an awkward smile and a glance at the clock, I sighed.  “Yeah, I guess. He should be here soon considering my shift ended like ten minutes ago.”

Sorry, Spencer. I tried.

I wanted to warn him. I was going to warn him. But in the time it took me to pull out my phone and open our messages, I’d already heard the gentle chime of the door as Spencer walked in. The look on his face could only be described as a confused and very troubled terror. He didn’t even make it to me because he and Emily locked eyes so intensely that it felt like they were the only two people in the room.

“Sorry, please excuse me for a second,” she grumbled, speeding off in his direction and promptly pushing him through the door.  

There was a small part of me that considered letting him try to get out of it, to let him work up excuses like he always could. But then again… I was a little tired of the hiding. And would it really be that bad if they knew? They seemed like fairly reasonable people.

“What are you doing here, Reid?” I heard her say in a hushed tone that could definitely not be described as a whisper.

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Spencer answered. Smooth. It didn’t work.

“That’s your best defense? You showed up to investigate despite the fact we already discussed your mandatory sabbatical, and the best thing you come up with is that you didn’t think I’d be here?”

Spencer looked at me like this was all my fault, but I just leaned against the counter to my right and watched the show. I’d probably pay for it later, but for now it was entertaining. It wasn’t often I got to see him get knocked down by pretty women.

With a resigned sigh, Spencer ran a hand through his hair and apparently made up his mind to abandon me with his coworkers. I knew this was his intention because the death glare he gave me told me as much.

“You know, you’re right. I shouldn’t be here. It was a mistake. I’m sorry, I’m going to go.”

Not so fast. Before he could make it the few steps back out the door, I called to him from across the room, “Where are you going, babe?”

Whether he meant to or not, Spencer’s body froze at the sound of my voice. For as smart as he was, he couldn’t fight his trained reaction to listen when I talked. Even if the pause was only for a split second, it was enough for everyone around him— again, trained profilers— to know that it wasn’t a mistake.

“They wanted to talk to you about Monday night,” I said with a sweet smile as he turned back around.

JJ, who was on the other side of the room and talking to someone else, immediately snapped her attention over the second she heard the word. “… Babe?” she repeated, her eyes wide and mouth dropped open.

“You’re… not here for the case?” Emily slowly connected and clarified, her arm shooting out to grab Spencer and stop him from running any further.  

He was caught, but he wasn’t going to go down without a fight, it seemed.

“I mean, technically I am if you want to ask me questions, so I should probably just wait in the car.” It was a lame excuse, and judging by the blank stares on everyone’s faces, they all knew it. Things stayed like that for a while; awkward and silent.

Eventually, I got bored and let out a loud sigh that drew their attention back to me. “Spencer, stop being weird. Just come inside.”

Funny enough, the person to catch up the quickest to the turn of events was the one everyone considered the brawn of the group. Luke, in all of his hunky glory, lived true to his reputation of being an absolute devil. I could see why Spencer liked him.  

“Yeah, babe. Stop being weird,” Luke parroted with a giggle, walking over and resting a heavy hand on my boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Shut up, Luke.” Spencer was less enthused than me. He tried to look angry, but the blush on his face made it hard to take him seriously.

“I’m sorry, just to be clear— You’re dating Spence?”

I almost yelped at the voice that seemed to appear next to me out of thin air. I might have been worried about the insistence in her voice and questioning, and her very extreme interest in this recent development, but it was obvious from her tone that she was mostly just there to gather her facts. I didn’t need to worry until after her deliberations.

Looking over to my boyfriend, I felt a knot in my stomach for the first time during the conversation. As much as I had wanted this to happen, and as much as it really sort of wasn’t my fault, I didn’t want to upset him. I was hoping to find some kind of acceptance or enthusiastic permission, but what I found instead was an awkward apathy.

“Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.” The words bled into a sigh, my mind a little distracted by the sad state of him now that Emily was whisper-yelling at him again. I turned back to the blonde at my side. “Why?”

“Uh, no reason. Sorry.” Her eyes fell away, her hands finding anything to do to distract herself from my presence.

I got worried then.

“Why are you apologizing?” I hated the way I sounded nervous, my arms crossing over my chest while simultaneously trying to stand up straight. Spencer had told me something about how body language is half the battle. Which, I don’t really know why I took his advice when he had the posture of an earthworm half the time.

“I’m just a little surprised,” she replied honestly. I hoped it was honest, anyway, since it hurt my feelings a little bit.

“I mean, you guys knew he had a partner, right?” I kind of snapped, a sarcastic smile on my face as I cocked an eyebrow. “Aren’t you profilers? We’ve lived together for like a year.”  

“Well, I kind of had a feeling that he might be dating someone, but I wasn’t expecting to run into you like this, is all.” Everything about her body language screamed anxiety. Tucking her hair behind her ear and avoiding my gaze. At one point she even stopped her sentence to clear her throat. And after she’d finished with her sort of pitiful explanation, her lips kept moving ever so slightly with words left partially unsaid.  

I say partially because there was a hidden message, a secret implication in her words that wouldn’t stay hidden for long. Why, you ask? Why, because Luke Alvez was there to point it out as gracelessly as possible.

“Also, aren’t you a little young for him?” he blurted out.

“Luke!” JJ barked, turning to her coworker with a familiar death glare. I wondered if she'd learned it from Spencer or if he’d learned it from her.

“What? How old are you? Twenty five?” he pressed. His tone told me that he really didn’t find anything wrong with the question. It was encouraging for a reason that’s best disclosed later.

“That’s rude,” I stated matter-of-factly before turning the question back on him, “How old are you?”

“Thirty-eight.”

Shoot. Forgot about the whole honest himbo rule. It really did make sense why Spencer liked him. But Spencer was currently distracted. My occasional glance over would show him frantically explaining something to Emily while simultaneously keeping his eyes on me and Luke.

“Yeah, I don’t care. It’s a rhetorical question,” I explained without breaking eye contact with Spencer. But then, as a sly smirk slid across my face, I turned back to Luke and spoke in a tone I knew Spencer hated. “You’re cute, though, you know. You’re very… puppy like.”

My hand made its way up to his face, cupping his cheek and giving it a gentle pat before I took it back. He was beaming, seeming to just enjoy being compared to a dog. It might’ve been strange if he hadn’t explained his thought process so bluntly.

“A lot of people say that people look like their dogs after a while, and I do happen to have a very cute dog.”

“Yeah,” I said as dreamily as I could before I dropped back into a deadpan, “I’m not into dogs, though.”

From a few feet away, I heard Emily’s voice raise again, her tone slowly gaining force as it dropped in register. “Reid, you didn’t tell me you were dating a potential witness.”

“I didn’t know I was dating a potential witness until two minutes ago!” he squeaked. The sound brought butterflies to my stomach. I shouldn’t have been so excited by him admitting to dating me, but I was. “I swear, I had no idea! I haven’t even been checking the news!”

“Well, if you’re going to be here anyway, then tell me what happened on Monday.” Emily ordered, crossing her arms and somehow staring down the man that was taller than her.

“Do we really have to do this right now?” he pleaded.

“Yes!” She showed no mercy.

My leg bounced nervously as I watched the scene unfold. I was starting to worry about those consequences I mentioned earlier, and in a brief display of empathy I looked over at JJ. “Should I help him?”

She considered it, but then shook her head with a pucker of her lips. “He’ll be fine.” But then she didn’t look away, her eyes scanning my profile in such a painfully obvious manner that I was forced to think she wanted me to see her doing it.  

“You’re still wondering, aren’t you?” I groaned, realizing that my attempt to ease my punishment was about to make it lot worse.

“I really am.”

“I’m twenty three,” I admitted it quickly but with confidence. I even nodded my head once, and if I'd been  any more anxious, I might have held up two and three fingers on each hand respectively. Thank god it didn’t come to that.

“Wow. That’s… younger,” she balked, her mouth opening and closing a couple times before asking a semi-normal follow up question with a shaky voice. “How did you two meet?”

It occurred to me then that this would be the first time someone in his life heard this story. I thought about all the times he’d told me about JJ, and just how important she was to him. I felt a little guilty for stealing his thunder, but less so when I realized I didn’t have any memories with her yet.

“I met him on campus, actually. Two years ago. He gave a guest lecture and I ran into him as he was leaving and spilled coffee all over him.” I laughed as I told the story, chewing on my fingernails to abate the few persistent fears hanging on the tail end of my words.

“Did you attend the lecture?”

“Not really my scene,” I coolly explained, waving off the idea with a loose hand. She didn’t seem to like that answer. I secretly wondered if it was because she thought I wasn’t suited for him, or because she heard a bit of herself in the answer. Maybe a little of both.

But I wasn’t her.

“You’ve got a look on your face,” I pointed out, apparently picking up some of Luke’s brutal honesty.

“I’m sorry. I really don’t mean any offense, you’re just…” JJ trailed off. I watched the gears turning behind her eyes as she bit her lip. She didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but we all saw the giant elephant in the room.

“I’m not what you expected for the boy wonder?” I acknowledged for her.

“A little bit,” she tried to reassure me, holding her index finger and thumb together. I realized that we both also have a habit to make nerdy hand gestures when we were anxious. We definitely learned it from Spencer.

That thought made me smile, and then it made me laugh. Because this woman wasn’t a threat, and she wasn’t even someone to be scared of. She was one of the few people on this Earth who would understand part of my plight. She was Spencer’s best friend.

Leaning towards her, I whispered through the side of my mouth, “Don’t worry. I get it. I often wonder what I got myself into when its 2AM and he’s still talking about string theory.”

The way her smile lit up her face was so beautiful that I understood why Spencer used to have a crush on her. She laughed so full-heartedly that it almost took over mine. I could hear embarrassing stories untold in the sound. They wouldn’t be untold for long, but that was all that would be shared for that day.

Spencer must have bolted towards us at the sound, because not long after we'd started to laugh, he was at my side. “Hey, are you ready to go?” It was worded like a question but sounded like a plea.

“Is Emily done ridiculing you?” I lightly chastised.

“No.”

Because it was an honest answer, I took pity on him. But man, was it cute to see him cowering. “Fine. I guess I can save you,” I whined, placing my hand on the small of his back and grabbing my bag off the counter as I mumbled, “Big bad FBI agent, my ass. You’re scared of a bunch of pretty ladies with guns.”

And from then on, Spencer just sulked. All the way to the car and halfway to our house. I almost wanted to ask him what was obviously wrong, but his pout seemed too cute to waste. It wasn’t often I had the leg up in the relationship.

Once he got tired of the quiet, he grumbled under his breath, “Did you really have to flirt with Luke like that?” The near silence of the question told me he’d been debating even asking me, but now that he had, there was no going back.

“I know you like him,” I teased, tilting my head to the side to better scrutinize his expressions while he drove. He was too focused to hide them better.

“What are you talking about? I don’t like him,” he scoffed, only to quickly follow it up with a terrible cover. “I mean, I like him, he’s a nice person—”

I cut him off, tired of hearing poorly worded excuses and blatant lies. “You definitely have a crush on him. You can’t lie to me.”

“I do not!” It was the way he jumped an entire octave that confirmed it for me.

With a devilish grin, I slid my hand onto his thigh and felt the way he jumped at the touch. Leaning forward, I whispered into his ear, “I bet I could get him to join us.”

I had to give it to the guy, though. He suddenly wasn’t very easy to fluster. As the car came to a stop at the light, he turned in his seat to come nose-to-nose with me.

“Is it really not enough for you that I’m ten years older than you? You need to add another five years into the mix?”

“Listen, you don’t have to be jealous!” I dramatically cried, holding my hand to my chest with feigned offense, “I wouldn’t be the star of the show.”

Spencer shook his head, chuckling just a bit before he flatly replied, “This conversation is over.”

“For now,” I gleefully added on before settling back in my seat.

“Is this what you’re going to do? Just flirt with all my coworkers? You can play innocent with JJ, but I saw the way you looked at her. She’s married, might I remind you.”

“Yep. I’m gonna get all of your coworkers,” I said, making a point to swerve in my seat as I tacked on, “Where’s Rossi?”

I’m convinced that if he had any less self-restraint, he would’ve crashed the car at that joke. My favorite kind of laughter bubbled in his chest, and he painfully whined, “Stop!”

Apparently, there was no reason to worry about a punishment. Because Spencer looked pretty goddamn pleased with the outcome, however horribly awkward it had been at the time.

“You know, now that they know, they’re going to wonder why you never bring me to stuff.” I didn’t mean to dampen the mood, but we’d have to talk about it eventually. I wanted to be able to quickly pivot back to jokes about sleeping with his coworkers if necessary.  

“Yeah, I know,” was all that he replied.

“How do you feel about that?”

“I’m...” he paused. His eyes bounced around the road in front of him, then down at my hand that still rested on his thigh before he gave a soft smile. “I’m okay.  It feels like it was probably time.”

“Cool. Me too,” I said with a giddy little bounce.

This time, it was Spencer’s turn to spoil the fun.

“No Luke,” he stated firmly.  

“Fine,” I said, leaving off the ‘for now’ for the time being.

(Tell me what you thought of this fic here!)

[reidgraygubler]

goldilocks (reid/reader)

Title: Goldilocks Request: no Couple: spencer reid/gen-neutral!reader; spencer reid/ethan; spencer reid/lila archer Category: fluff Content Warning: bi!spencer, kissing/making out, Word Count: 2,102 Summary: spencer recounts all his first kisses A/N: thank you all so much for the support! i really do appreciate it. check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

When Spencer was 12, he had his first kiss. He was with his only friend, Ethan, in his backyard. They were playing cowboys versus pirates- Spencer being the cowboy rightfully so. Whenever Ethan was over Spencer knew he could be himself, he didn’t have to worry about his mother, or school bullies, or anything else. Ethan was his safe space. Ethan knew that, too.

It was nearing dusk. Ethan was up in a tree, pretending it was the crow’s nest of his pirate ship. Spencer was on the ground, dressed like a cowboy, complete with the lasso and cowboy hat. Their play fight would soon come to an end, and they would have to go in for the night. The two friends knew that their fight would come to an end like it usually does. With Ethan winning and Spencer losing.

Ethan had jumped from the tree, landing beside Spencer before tackling him to the ground. Spencer looked up at his friend, trying to fight him off his body. It was obvious that the smaller of the two boys would lose a fight. The smaller boy knew that too. Although maybe he wanted to lose to Ethan.

“What are you doing?!” Spencer said through giggles. Ethan returned the giggles as he pinned Spencer’s hands to the ground above his head. Ethan looked down at his friend, a smirk growing across his lips the longer he stared at him.

“I won,” Ethan whispered as he lowered closer to Spencer’s face.

Spencer’s eyes widened as he looked at his friend. The young boy knew for a long time that he had a crush on his friend. He’s never acted on his feelings before. The thought passed his mind many times, but he didn’t want to risk losing his only friend.

Until that day. Until the day he and Ethan were playing pirates and cowboys, when he knew the cowboys had really lost (for the hundredth time too). When Ethan still had Spencer pinned to the ground and he was rubbing it in his face that he had won. It was then did he realize he wanted to kiss Ethan. It was something he wanted, a curiosity that would kill him if he didn’t just do it. And it was a risk, a calculated one, but he knew he wanted to take it.

When Ethan had gotten low enough, Spencer lifted his head and quickly pecked his lips to Ethan’s. After the briefest moment, Spencer dropped his head back to the ground and stared up at his friend.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and looked away when he realized he might’ve messed up. “I was… I was just curious. That’s all.”

“You were just curious?” Ethan asked as he crawled off his friend and sat on the ground beside him. Spencer slowly sat up and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah. J-Just curious.”

Unfortunately, this kiss with Ethan was too soft. But Spencer was too young to know that. He’d learn one day that even though he had the smallest crush on Ethan, that they’d be better off as best friends than anything else.

{***}{***}{***}

When Spencer was 24, he had his second kiss. It was with Hollywood star Lila Archer. He was working a case, and protecting Lila from a possible stalker she had. The two were outside, Spencer was watching Lila swim in her pool. Spencer was very adamant about Lila getting out of the pool, so they could be in the safety of her home. But Lila wasn’t having any of it.

“Five minutes,” Lila begged as she swam up to the edge of the pool. Spencer was standing close, watching her with a worried crease in his brow. “Go get a suit in the house!” She nodded towards the open sliding doors of her home. Spencer looked over at her house and then quickly back at her with a scowl.

“What?! No! I don’t wanna grab a suit! Are you kidding me?!” Spencer shouted, his voice cracking out of annoyance. “Please let’s just go in.”

“Join me,” she pressed as she looked up at him. For a small moment, Spencer considered it. But it wasn’t long enough for him to actually go inside and change.

“No, I'm not gonna join you,” Spencer eventually said. Lila rolled her eyes before pouting.

“Why not?”

“You're being pursued by a psychotic killer who shoots people in the head!” Spencer shouted, again, his voice cracking, again. Lila pushed off the wall of the pool and floated on her back, away from Spencer.

“I'm not gonna stop living my life. I'm just not,” she stated firmly as she closed her eyes. Spencer stared at the woman in the pool, shock growing across his face. Any normal person would be scared, hiding for their lives when they hear that there’s a psychotic killer after them.

“This woman is insane,” Spencer thought the longer he stared at her. Although he was extremely cautious about his surroundings and who was around, he could feel a strange carelessness grow in his stomach.

“Lila, please, I'm begging of you. Will you please get out of the pool?” Spencer pleaded as he squatted down to the pool.

“Really, Spence, you should live a little.”

“Live a little? I've known you 48 hours, I feel like I've already aged 10 years.”

“I can't be that bad,” Lila mused as she swam back to the edge of the pool.

“Yes. no, you are that bad,” Spencer said as he stood back up.

“Fine, can you help me out at least?” Lila asked as she lifted a hand up to Spencer. Spencer stared at her hand for a moment before grabbing it. As he went to help her out, Lila pulled on Spencer’s hand, pulling him right into the pool.

Lila was instantly thrown into a fit of laughter as Spencer re-emerged from the water. He glared over at the girl as he pushed his hair away from his face.

“Yes, very funny. Laugh it up, Lila. Hilarious. My gun's wet. So great. My clothes,” Spencer’s tone was very clearly annoyed with what just happened.

‘I should have seen that coming,’ Spencer thought to himself as he looked at the woman. She smiled as she swam closer to him.

“You should have worn the suit,” Lila giggled as she grabbed Spencer’s tie and pulled him closer to her. Spencer swam closer to her, allowing her to pull him as close to her. She brought her hand to rest on the nape of his neck. And when he was close enough, she pressed her lips to his, quickly deepening it.

Spencer ended it just as fast as Lila started it.

“This is completely inappropriate,” Spencer said as he swam away, leaving Lila behind.

Spencer found a certain attractiveness in Lila, he wouldn’t lie about that. The moment wasn’t right. Would there ever be a right moment between Spencer Reid and Lila Archer? The pair had two wildly different career paths, and two wildly different lifestyles… There would never be a right moment for the two.

Even though Spencer enjoyed this kiss with Lila, it was too rough. It was very heated, and a moment of intense feelings. He began to wonder when he’d find the person who would give him the best kisses, and how long he’d have to wait for that moment.

{***}{***}{***}

When Spencer was 34, he found the person who gave the best kisses. There was more than one factor for why Spencer loved this person, their kisses were just a bonus. Like with Ethan, this person was Spencer’s safe space. He could be himself and not worry about anything. And like with Lila Archer, this person made Spencer feel free and near careless.

His first kiss with this person was… gentle, and sweet. Unlike with Ethan, this kiss wasn’t a quick peck to the lips. It wasn’t out of pure curiosity. Unlike with Lila, it wasn’t rushed and heated. It wasn’t because they wanted it. It was because they both wanted it.

It wasn’t their first date, not even their sixth date. In fact, they weren’t even on a date. Spencer had invited the BAU team over to his house to meet this person. The team had been excited to meet them since Spencer first spoke about his person. And after the team left, it was just Spencer and his person. Their first kiss just happened. They weren’t expecting it.

They were sitting on the couch, a movie playing- though neither of them were watching it. The couple was too busy talking about cleaning up the mess their dinner party had left behind, and when a good time to clean it would be.

“Do you want me to get ants? Because this is how I get ants,” Spencer said as he gestured towards the coffee table and the several plates and cups that occupied it. His person laughed before moving even closer to him. Even though they were already pretty close to cuddling, his person wanted to be even closer to him. “But what’s stopping us from taking care of the mess in the morning?” they asked as they looked up at Spencer. He sighed before looking back at his person. “I’m just saying, Spencer,” they whispered before shifting to his lap. Spencer’s eyes met theirs, and a small smile grew across his lips.

“Okay, okay, we can take care of it in the morning. If I get ants though I’m blaming you,” he laughed as he wrapped his arms around his person’s waist.

“I’ll take full responsibility!” they shouted, jumping and nearly falling backwards off his legs. Spencer laughed before pulling them closer to safety. Instead of falling off his legs, his person fell closer to him. “I’ll clean up first thing in the morning. Promise!” They wrapped their arms around Spencer’s neck.

“So now you’re spending the night?” Spencer raised an eyebrow as he looked back at them. They smiled before nodding lightly. The couple drifted closer together.

“If that’s okay. If not, I can go home after the movie is over,” they whispered before cocking their head to the side. Spencer looked at their eyes before glancing at their lips for a brief moment.

“It’d be the first time you spend the night here.”

“I don’t have an issue with that,” they shook their head and smiled. “Only if you don’t have an issue.” It was his person’s turn to look between his eyes and lips. They both wanted to kiss each other, but were both afraid. Spencer knew his person wanted to kiss him. And his person knew he wanted to kiss them.

“No issue here,” Spencer replied, although he wasn’t sure if it was a response to them spending the night, or giving them permission to kiss him. But he replied...

“Good,” they whispered before pressing their lips to Spencer’s. He hummed before bringing his hands to their cheeks. It only took a moment before he deepened the kiss.

Spencer had never kissed a person like he kissed his person. He could feel a fire grow in his chest. His arms wrapped around their waist and he pulled them onto his lap.

It felt like ages before they broke apart. In that moment, all they wanted to do was just be with each other and be in each other's space. But they knew they couldn’t. There were still things they had to do before they went to bed.

“We… We should clean up,” Spencer whispered, just so the silence would go away. His person laughed before tumbling off his lap. His hand caught their’s, stopping them from going any further. They turned around and looked down at him.

His person admired how his cheeks were flushed, his hair was tousled just right, and his lips were still pink from being kissed raw. He had a slight dazed look in his eyes.

“I like it when you look like you kissed someone. I like it even more when I know I’m that someone you kissed,” his person whispered. Spencer laughed and nodded.

“I like it even more when you’re the person I kissed, too,” he whispered as he pulled them back down to his lap. “What’re you doing?”

“Going to clean, like you said.”

“We can clean in the morning.”

There was no curiosity with this kiss, and he wasn’t hesitant. Spencer knew, 100%, that he wanted this kiss. And he was happy that this kiss was perfect. Better than the kiss with Ethan. Better than the kiss with Lila.

Spencer was happy he’d be spending the rest of his life with his person.

if you have any comments/questions about this part, let me know here! please consider reblogging or leaving a comment if you're a part of the taglist. it's so much work tagging everyone.

taglist: @thebluetint @mggsprettygirl @muffin-cup @misshale21 @spenciegoob @reidspoet @kuolonsyoja @broken-stardust @rainsong01 @beepboopboopbeep @babebenhardy @flipperpenguins @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @ash19871962 @samaraaaaa​

tags that didn’t work: @isabellasimps

[sierraraeck]

Oneshots

Main Masterlist

•• = smut

🎶 = inspired by a song

🧩 = in progress

Spencer

Cookies When it’s Cold - Spencer x GN!Reader

When a massive snowstorm hits, you invite Spencer over for some classic snowstorm activities.

🎶 Happier - Spencer x Fem!Reader, Ralvez

Things have been slowly declining in you and Spencer’s relationship. Going out to a bar alone one night, you figure out why.

Dodging a Bullet - Spencer x GN!Reader, Derek x GN!Reader (platonic)

Spencer’s nonchalance in reaction to you taking a bullet for him is the final straw in you and he’s relationship.

Previous Genius - Spencer x Fem!Reader, BAU x Fem!Reader

You were always used to being the smartest person in the room, most people taking the time to hear what you had to say, valuing your opinion and quick mind. That all changed, though, when Doctor Spencer Reid, the new genius of the BAU, showed up.

Emily

The Better Kisser - BAU x Bi!Fem!Reader, Emily x Bi!Fem!Reader

After finding out that you haven’t had very many kissing experiences, the team realizes you’re the perfect candidate to judge who the best kisser on the team is.

A Cruel Joke - Emily x Bi!Fem!Reader

You find solace in the arms of a hurting FBI agent after she comes to investigate the death of your best friend.

Luke

Woman of My Word - Luke x Fem!Reader

Luke Alvez teases you quite a lot, but there’s a lesson you want to make sure he doesn’t forget.

Derek

🎶 Struck by Lightening - Derek x Fem!Reader

After breaking up with your boyfriend, you go out for a girls night. Unfortunately, he follows you to the club to try and win you back. To show him just how over him you are, you kiss the first stranger you see walking through the door. Luckily for you, that man is a sculpted god of chocolate thunder.

Penelope

A Boop Before Bed - Penelope x GN!Reader

After a bit of a rough day, Penelope is just the person you need to see.

Ralvez

•How to Apologize• - Ralvez x Fem!Reader

You can’t believe that for the four months since you’ve joined the team, and have been relentlessly flirting with the two hot agents, no one thought to tell you that they were together. Luke and Spencer decide they should apologize to you with an impromptu, late-night visit.

Moreid

🎶 Bad Liar - Moreid

Ever since his first day at Quantico, Spencer has had only one thought on his mind: SSA Derek Morgan. He knows that any sort of relationship would be inappropriate, but that doesn’t stop the constant stream of fantasies from flooding his mind.

BAU

The Better Kisser - BAU x Bi!Fem!Reader, Emily x Bi!Fem!Reader

After finding out that you haven’t had very many kissing experiences, the team realizes you’re the perfect candidate to judge who the best kisser on the team is.

Previous Genius - Spencer x Fem!Reader, BAU x Fem!Reader

You were always used to being the smartest person in the room, most people taking the time to hear what you had to say, valuing your opinion and quick mind. That all changed, though, when Doctor Spencer Reid, the new genius of the BAU, showed up.

[lyssismagical]

so small and so quiet

criminal minds

tw: homophobia, internalized homophobia 

*

Spencer Reid first realized he was gay when he was eight years old.

He didn’t think much of it, it was just another label to add to the plethora he already knew of himself – genius, nerd, schizo, weirdo, Einstein, freak, loser, every other insult the other kids at school would throw his way. Gay was just another word, whether it was directed as an insult or as something truthful. It didn’t really matter.

He was eight when he was forced into watching the school’s water polo game instead of sneaking off to the library. He was eight when fourteen-year-old Bradley Walters emerges from the water, dripping and shaking his hair out, grinning so bright Spencer thinks his cheeks might crack open. He was eight when he realized his attraction towards a man. Of course, Bradley never even looked at him, and he didn’t mind. He didn’t like Bradley. Bradley who pushed him into lockers and laughed when he held Spencer’s books way above his head. Bradley who called him a fag and introduced him to the darker side of being gay.

 He was ten when his father slung the same insults at him that his bullies did.

“You can’t possibly expect me to stick around when you’re too weak to leave your bed and my only child is gay.”

He was ten when his father walked out the door and never returned.

 He was twelve when he told his mother.

He was good at staying in the closet, it’s not like he had any friends. He couldn’t date because everyone he knew was years older than him and hated him. Most people called him gay without realizing the truth to their attempts at knocking him down.

His mother sat him down one day, more lucid than she’s been in a long time, and told him a story about how she met his father and their love. She asked if anybody made him feel like that. He laughed and told her that he didn’t even have any acquaintances let alone anyone to consider for a date. He was about to leave for college, anyway. He admitted, in a quiet voice, that the only crush he’d ever had was on the knights of the roundtable.

His mother had laughed. “Which knight?”

“King Arthur, duh,” he said, laughing. And then he went quiet, shy, and his voice was barely a whisper when he said, “Mom, I think I’m gay.”

“I know, honey.”

“How?”

“A mother always knows.”

 He was twenty-three when he finally found people that he trusted enough to be himself around. They might still mock his ramblings, tell him to stop when his nervous habits get to be too much for them. They might tell him to shut up, sideline him, and make him feel just a little bit like an outsider. But they’re family.

“I’m gay,” he told Gideon with no preamble, standing in the door to his office.

Gideon squinted up at him, pushing his glasses up his nose. “You know I don’t care, Spencer, but I think it would be better if you were to keep that a secret for the time being. It would be better for the team, for the press, for the bureau, if we didn’t have ties to people like you.”

“People like me,” Spencer echoed. “Yeah, for sure.”

And Gideon had gone back to looking at his reports.

 At twenty-four, he’s kidnapped.

 At twenty-five, Gideon left him.

The closet had never felt so safe.

 He’s twenty-seven when he’s trapped in a church with Emily, no way to escape hearing about the sins he’s committed simply by being who he is. He’s not called out personally, but when he throws up behind the SUV when they make it out, Emily must have an inkling why. Though she doesn’t say a word to him or anybody else.

He’s twenty-seven when he has to face his father again who takes one look at the way he’s dressed, the way he’s grown up, the way he carries himself, that he’s still the same gay kid he always was. He throws the word around casually, picking at Spencer’s sweater vest and muttering it under his breath.

He’s twenty-seven when his best friend, the first friend he’d ever made, is sitting on the other side of a glass door, making promises Spencer isn’t sure he can keep. He’s twenty-seven and scared when he tells Morgan the truth about himself, the one thing that he buries as deep as he can and feels shame for in every waking moment.

“I’m gay, Derek,” he says, refusing to look, using the glass as protection from the possibilities of violence that can come with this confession. He doesn’t think he’ll make it past the glass alive anyway.

“Okay, Pretty Boy,” Derek says like it’s the easiest thing on the planet.

“Did you not hear me? I’m gay.” And he says it like it’s been said to him. An insult, something to be ashamed of, something he should hide away forever, something he’ll be hated for.

But Derek doesn’t falter, he never has in his unwavering loyalty. “I know, Spencer. I heard you. And it’s okay.”

It’s okay.

When he wakes up in the hospital room, he begs Derek not to tell a soul.

(He’s thirty-four when Derek leaves him too.)

 He’s twenty-eight when he confides in Emily.

“I’m gay.”

“I’m bi, Spencer.”

And he feels more comfortable in his skin than he ever has before. He feels like it’s okay to be who he is for the first time in his life.

And he’s twenty-nine when he loses Emily too. It’s his fault. He shouldn’t have told her.

 He’s thirty when he tells the team.

When he stands in front the people he calls family and admits to the truth he hates most about himself. They threw him a birthday party. The least he can do is tell them who he is.

“I’m gay.”

And nobody seems to blink an eye.

Garcia hugs him so tight he thinks his ribs might break and JJ presses a kiss to his forehead. Rossi and Hotch give him proud fatherly nods.

He’s thirty-five when Hotch leaves.

 However, he’s thirty-five when he meets Luke.

He introduces himself in the way he always wished he had. “Hello, I’m Doctor Spencer Reid, I’m gay and I’ve been with the BAU for eight years.”

And Luke smiles, doesn’t try to shake his hand, and introduces himself as, “I’m Luke Alves, I’m bi, and this is my second week.”

He’s thirty-five when he doesn’t feel like his skin is crawling.

 He’s thirty-five when he goes to prison. He’s thirty-five when he gets out. He’s thirty-five when he lets everyone in, lets them understand him, lets them be his friends with no walls, no boundaries, no secrets.

 He’s thirty-six when he gets into his first long-term relationship with another guy. A wonderful guy who loves him more than anything.

 He’s thirty-seven when he moves in with his boyfriend, when he finally has the guts to say I Love You without wanting to throw up, when he doesn’t hate himself when he looks in the mirror, when admitting to himself that he’s gay doesn’t make his lungs cave in, when gay isn’t an insult nor does it define him, it just is.

He’s thirty-seven when he feels happy.