#sry but im gonna say smth more

[themyscirah]

Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.

Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now

Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.

Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!

Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.

[chiistarri]

what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group

[nr1chaedickrider]

finally.. the long awaited doughnut theory of mine, before i start im gonna tell yall that a theory isnt smth canon, and everyone sees it differently. so this is my theory!

Music videos you need to watch so it makes sense: Doughnut, Kura Kura, Better

-

Better MV

Since this mv only has one scene that in my opinion fits my theory im gonna do it first (pls watch the mv before reading this, the scene is with dahyun rather in the end)

So we all know that the better mv was released wayyy before doughnut, but there is this one scene with dahyun that i first havent even noticed when i watched the mv, but the second i saw it i knew somehow that it fits my theory well.

Im talking about the scene where dahyun puts her finger over her mouth, in a way to maybe signal us to be quiet?

But why should we be quiet? Is smth gonna happen years after the mv? What is she planning on doing?

Doughnut MV

obviously, this mv is the most important. again, please watch it before reading this part. (im gonna try and keep it short)

Very important is the guy in the mv, pay attention to who he meets (Tzuyu's phone call doesnt count, ill explain later)

Members that met the guy: Nayeon, Jeongyeon, Momo, Sana, Chaeyoung.

All the members i have just mentioned are dead.

Killed by the guy, I dont really know why he did that.

"But Tzuyu called him!" Yes he called him, but you cant realistically kill someone over a telephone call.

Now to the most important people: Dahyun, Jihyo and Mina (Tzuyu is important too, but she doesnt play a big role in the doughnut mv)

Dahyun and jihyo:

These two have smth going on in the mv its weird, maybe its jealousy, maybe something else im not sure. But what im sure about is that Dahyun murdered Jihyo.

You can see that in the scene where Dahyun does the finger pistol thing and Jihyo falls down on the ground of a place that has similarity to the.. heaven?

The bridge part:

The way Dahyun sings her lines and first she looks proud, happy, but she suddenly looks like she has no emotions? no smiling or anything.

in my opinion, this shows her guilt, her realising "i killed jihyo".

this isnt really important to my theory, but i find it weird how michaeng are the only members that "clearly" have a scene together (ofc they sang together but still...) maybe chae is trying to warn her? maybe mina is trying to warn chae?

The scene changes to jihyo singing her high note.

What can you see on her white dress?

Something that looks like someone shot her (dahyun's fingerpistol while aiming at jihyo?)

the wound is shaped like an heart, maybe dahyun killed her out of love?

The camera goes through jihyo, and who do we see?

Dahyun eating the doughnut in the beginning at the crime scene where mina was.

"But what does that mean?"

Guilt.

In her bridge part, she realised she actually killed jihyo, her solution? Killing herself by eating a poisonous doughnut.

so thats how dahyun died.

"What about Mina?"

Mina is alone in the whole mv (except the table scene and the michaeng scene), she wanders around, sometimes she is running.

It looks like she is searching for something. But for what? Her dead friends?

Everyone died except Mina and Tzuyu in the mv, until...

Kura Kura MV

and again, please watch the mv before reading this part.

only a few scenes in this mv are important for my theory.

dahyun sitting under a tree and eating grapes.

just saying it like this sounds dumb, but if you know a little of religion then it is odly familiar.

(im not an expert on this so sry if its wrong)

adam and eve had the same thing just with apples,being not allowed to eat them bla bla bla but eve does it anyway.

meaning = she sinned.

what did dahyun do? killing jihyo, a sin (obviously)

survivors guilt:

definition: Survivors guilt is a particular kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation. Some survivors feel guilty that they survived when others died. Others believe they could have done more to save the lives of others.

"Who couldve had survivors guilt?"

Tzuyu.

Why else is she killing herself in the kura kura mv? Drowning herself after everyone died and only her and Mina survived.

Leaving Mina completly alone.

The whole kura kura mv shows mina alone, her sitting alone in a cafe.

when she leans against a wall, it cracks. Why?

Because she has no one behind her, no one to help her.

All the TWICE members die except Mina.

Ayy i finally did it!!!! this was fun ngl...

i hope yall enjoyed it, i kinda feel like an nerd bc im so invested in twice lore its crazy.....

i left out some things (for example the way jeongyeon was trapped in both doughnut and kura kura mv) since i didnt wanted to make it too long and in my opinion some of the things are not that important for my theory so...

[redswaberkez]

I can’t remember if I already asked this, sorry if I did but do u have any soapshipping hcs??

Ok im gonna spill some🤏🤏🤏🤏 angst

Tyler likes to look at the narrator while he are falling asleep

If keep in mind that they are the same person to make it more spicy! I can say that Tyler likes to acknowlege that At The Moment he is in charge

I would even say that Tyler likes to spectate after the narrator

How he dances under his music

The narrator thinks that Tyler's moking is somehow connected to the bottom line. "Well, i guess, Tyler wants me to learn how to gaf." (No he just making fun of you sry lmao)

After the narrator understands that he and tyler are the same person tyler likes to repeat again and again "hey psychoboy who are you talking to?"

Mb later im gonna add smth more but for now this is all

[rollercoasterwords]

hey rae, i’m experiencing a bit of a moral dilemma (ish) bc like… i’ve always more or less had this view that its wrong on some level to like “police” people on the kind of media they are creating, even mainstream tbh and now… well… let’s just say a little bee flew in rather aggressively into my eardrums and it won’t stop buzzing about the moral implications and suddenly the pretty stable ground that i was standing on is slowing crumbling beneath my feet but like… that’s okay??? i’m accepting the fall bc i’m actually always thrilled to free fall. that is to say, i love the way things around me can make me question my own ideas of what i believe to be true sometimes like i love love love it. i love looking at smth ekth a new lens and more information and then yk, rebuilding thag ground with more stable material. anyways, sry i’m rambling, but you see, everything this bee was buzzing abt started to increasingly make more sense and like, i started to rly think about it in the way of like… evaluating the consequences right? like if a specific media trope has very real contributions to a stigma abt a certain group and manifests in the society in multiple ways, then rly, why can’t i condemn it? bc the way i used to look at it was like “well yes, the media is harmful, but like, i also don’t think we have the right to dictate other people’s liberties when it come to art”. but now… especially considering that this “art” is mainstream and like reaches millions of people, why tf not? bc when you rly put it on the scale, what has more weight, ppl being mad/annoyed that engaging with this is “bad” and they shouldn’t/ being limited in creating it or ppl suffering the real life implications of this. and to make myself a little clearer, the specific thing thag kinda made me realize this more was how media a lot of the times portrays certain mental illness in an overly negative and harmful way, and how in thrn, society discriminates against those individuals in part bc of the skewed perception thag media has portrayed about them. and i feel like this kinda of made me like… think more about this view that i used to defend strongly, and kinda of go, wait, hold up… and i’m still a little like… conflicted bc as much as like i say this, i don’t think there are any viable means of like combatting this issue bc at the end of the day, what creators for mainstream media want is money and these things get them money and so it’s never rly gonna stop, and i still am a little iffy on the idea thag it’s essentially like… an objective moral no no, but like i can see the other side more clearly and it’s just… man it’s so frustrating in a way. and like as much as some ppl may engage with their media critically and liek recognize these stereotypes and shit, a majority of ppl don’t and it’s so frustrating to see itttt. but yeah, idk im still like… gathering materials before fully building this floor, but like, what are your thoughts on this if any? (i’m literally going to everyone with this i an truly a menace, i need to talkkkk abt it like the way this brings me so much joy) (unfortunately i don’t have many ppl in my life that care or are willing to talk to me abt these things) (enter: rae)

hello!! interesting questions!! love that u are embracing the freefall of having a core belief challenged + opening urself to new ways of thinking rather than growing defensive + closing urself off!!

so, what i wanna start off by saying here is this: there is a very broad middle ground between "this art is bad and shouldn't exist/shouldn't be interacted with at all" versus "everyone should just create whatever they want with disregard for the consequences."

because different forms of art are going to be doing different things, reaching different audiences, and sending different messages. and there are plenty of ways that art/literature/media/etc can be harmful. for example, this recent open letter to the new york times is a great example of a critique on the way in which the nytimes' coverage of trans "issues" causes real-life harm to trans people. in this sort of instance, it's not okay for the nytimes to just continue writing as they have, however they want, because they have certain journalistic responsibilites which include not promoting/perpetuating harm against marginalized groups (not that they have an especially great track record in that regard, but i digress). part of critically evaluating media is evaluating whether that media has harmful real-life implications, and, if it does, figuring out whether/how to engage with that media in a way that does not perpetuate that harm.

so like--with the example you're talking about, portrayals of mental illness that contribute to stigma. part of evaluating those portrayals is going to start with asking what kind of media you're looking at, who it's reaching, and what it's trying to do. for example--a movie made by a large hollywood studio that's profiting off a stigmatizing portrayal of mental illness, reaching a broad audience, and contributing to widespread misconceptions is tangibly harmful, and it makes sense to vocally critique that portrayal or perhaps even encourage people not to engage with the movie at all, as it is profiting off something harmful. additionally, hollywood movies are invested in perpetuating a capitalist system such that they will often have an underlying goal of spreading messages/ideas that support that capitalist system, so there is much more to be wary of there in the intent of the media.

a fanfiction on the internet written by an individual that contains a stigmatizing portrayal of mental illness is something that is not accruing profit, not reaching a broad audience, and not harmful in the same way. an individual writing fanfiction on the internet is also not invested in perpetuating broader systems of capitalistic power in the same way a hollywood movie studio is, so the intent of their art is likely different. a better route here is probably to reach out to the individual, who probably wrote this portrayal out of ignorance and would most likely be open to educating themself and avoiding such portrayals in the future. this is a better response than trying to "cancel" the person completely, because it works to build community and has a much more direct impact in breaking the stigma around mental illness by educating an individual who previously internalized those stigmatized views.

when you're trying to critically evaluate a piece of media that contains something you view as potentially harmful, here are some important questions to ask:

who is making this? why are they making it? what is the stated goal of the creator(s) in creating this specific piece of media? are there any other goals that the creator is leaving unsaid?

who is the intended audience of this media? how large is that audience? in what ways is this media catered to appeal to that audience? what responsibilities does the creator hold towards that audience? will the audience response be monolithic, or is there room for varied impact amongst members of the same audience?

is this media a lecture or a conversation? is this media presenting a moral truth that i am expected to accept? or is it presenting moral questions and encouraging me to draw my own conclusions?

what role does profit play in the creation + distribution of this media? what systems of power is this media invested in upholding, if any? what institutions is this media invested in upholding, if any?

these are all questions which, depending on the answers, are going to change your evaluation on the media. this post kind of sums up what i mean, and i talk more here about when art becomes truly harmful. but also, i want to emphasize--engaging with media critically and coming to the conclusion that something is harmful is not the same thing as policing media, at least in my opinion. policing implies reinforcing set rules for how someone can or cannot create/engage with media, which doesn't allow for the necessary flexibility needed for actual critical thought. i think it's also important to note that policing typically says "if this media is Bad, you must destroy it/ignore it completely." but critically engaging with media means acknowledging harmful media when it exists, and analyzing why it exists + what it's trying to do. it also means acknowledging that not all media is going to fit cleanly into the harmful/harmless dichotomy. sometimes media will contain harmful stereotypes or stigmatizing portrayals in one sense, and really important representation or progressive ideas in another sense. other times, a portrayal that feels stigmatizing to one person will feel like representation to another. part of engaging critically with media means evaluating what it's doing as a whole and accounting for both the good and the bad. at the end of the day, we can't solve problems by refusing to engage with them at all, y'know?

[xamaxenta]

Get to know you tag game

Thanks @hergan416 for the tag i needed a distraction frm anxiety supreme

Three Ships: I’m gonna cheat and say MAS, MarcoAce and SaboAce— but that doesn’t count bc its the same characters just. Add or take hdbdn I’ll try find some variety and not make them all one piece: MAS, Reguri (pokemon), dimiclaude (fe3h)

First Ship: naruto and sasuke yeah BAYBEE its all about the nindo way dattebayo (i was 12)

Last Song: Just One Yesterday (Fall Out Boy) its my favourite song ever, I listen to it almost daily and never get tired of it, wish I could see how many times ive played it because its been 10 years since save rock and roll came out as an album so i assume its ALOT of repeats, something about the melody something about the lyrics jts fucking genius i love it esp the part:

Anything you say can and will be held against you

So only say my name

It will be held against you

Makes me go balls to the walls everytime lol

Last Movie: Mario movie it was nice, wish I watched in America tho, i think alot of the references and jokes were lost on the audience here :(

Currently Reading: fanfiction i just wanna get serotonin lol i cant commit to books that i might hate (unfortunately a common problem for me, maybe i just dont like reading anymore who knows) i just hang out on the Ace AO3 tag and hope someone posts smth 😭

Currently Watching: totk stuff im poor gotta wait for payday to buy at the end of this month

Currently Consuming: like food? Nothing i dont eat until evenings

Currently Craving: something that can shut my brain up for one second, its loud and i hate it like intrusive bad thoughts i want to hit alt f4 on that shit, more Ace content (surprise whoa) and like a ten year coma where i can just wake up and go wow im gender and its gonna be daijobu

Tag List: @longingforthecosmos @liferockingitout @authenticaussie @bakyura @childofmothermoon @oz-gauze @arielxlazarus @kawaiikoalagarden @kingsofneon @itsthefandommash @/anyone everyone i forgot sry in advance ofc no pressure this is only if you wanna do this :3

[luna7822]

"""""GiVe SoMe SpAcE fOr H^Ts ThIs MoNtH cUz LeSbIaNs ArE tOtAlLy St^^^^Ht M^N dEsPiTe BeInG fOr GiRlS oNlY aNd Me BeInG hOmOpH0B1C oN pUrPoSe AnD ApH0B1C aS WeLl CuZ I MiSs ThE pOiNt Of BeInG aRoAcE aNd LeSbIaN aNd ThAt Im A cOmPlEtE iDiOt FoR sAyInG tHiS oN bE uRsElF MoNtH oF aLl ThInG nOw PlS gIvE mE dUmB cLoUt CuZ i SaId So LoL1!!1!11!1!1!1!""""""

says the one who missed the poibt of being aroace and lesbian and who proceeds to make it worse by being downright homoph0b1c and aph0b1c for no reason other than to be an ass and nothing more and reason no 23578833678743346884346644776423677533577 as to why i hate ^^s^^uals, b^t^h """""lesbians""""" being the most unoriginal thing to ever exist, ppl who still use slurs despite being problematic for no reason, aph0b3s, ppl who miss the point of being aroace like the dumb pathetic aph0b1c humans they are, and etc

also reason no 2356788642245678653325775 as to why i despise """"""tumblr culture"""""" sm cuz its boring af and an excuse to be problematic and get away with it for no fucking reason at all cuz atp who even cares when these ppl only exist just to be incredibly aph0b1c to ppl like me and also homoph0b1c to lesbians who are actual women instead of just being an idiot and missing the whole point of it in the first place and i just hate this shit sm since idc if any1s gonna go after me with dumb anon hate like the idiots they are since lesbians are women, aroace means hating l^^^ and s^^ as it should be instead of making it complicated for no reason at all, and ^^s^^uals can burn in hell for all i care since i hate st^^^^^ht ppl sm and that i wish it was never a thing in the first since humans are mostly just a bunch of lame ass dumbshit ppl in general who have no resemblance of remorse or sanity whatsoever and why be urself month shouldve never been too complicated in the first place since ppl really do like hating on aroaces for no reason am i right?????????????????

and also i really do wanna do smth original for once instead of rbing dumb crap 247 since its fucking boring as shit if u do it all the time and1 being vocal abt boring shit is dumb too since i hate ppl who call innocent folks like me """""zionists""""" for no reason without even knowing what the word means and mainly attacking us all cuz we dont wanna talk abt it all that much as if free fucking speech or whatever exists for a goddamn reason

u assholes might as well send me pointless anon hate all u want and i will gladly block u in an instant since ive already gotten like who knows how many blogs atp blocked already cuz of how fucking dumb they are when theyre nothing but complete boting idiots who spout nonsense 24/7 and nothing more

and also if ur an idiot then u better fucking not rb this for stupid attention to write me off as bad for no reason since if u really hate me so badly then the block button is there for a fucking reason as if ive hated so many dumb f^^d^^s already for a few years now cuz i wish they were never a thing in the first place and idc if tumblr has a history of being idiots anyways since its all stupid and pointless when all ppl do is say the exact same shit 24/7 to be extremely boring on fucking purpose like the idiots they are and nothing more

im sry to any followers who has to deal with this post btw since i hate how i got reccomended this stupid post thats incredibly homoph0b1c and aph0b1c in nature when they forget the point of be urself month in the first place and overall just another reason as to why i really despise st^^^^^ht ppl, ^^t^h """""lesbians"""" being the most unoriginal thing ever, ppl who call pearl and/or shiver """""^^t^h"""""" for no reason over the most minor things ever and being dumb, ^^s^^uals who are complete idiots for being part st^^^^^ht, aph0b3s, ppl who miss the point of being aroace and that idc if they think im """""wrong""""" since im right compared to them, and etc

anyway if ur an idiot then feel free to block me and not rb this post for dumb atention to spread lies abt me for no reason

and if u actually agree with me and make sense for once then feel free to rb and like too if ur one of those ppl who think that certain ppl who are idiots are idiots and nothing more :3

[enden-k]

your responses to finding out what WAP means are so funny its what i imagine zhongli’s response to childe explaining it to him would be

pls omg NO, i had several friends call me a zhongli kinnie bc of many things a while ago until they quieted down, this will only make them rise up again AHAHYVXB 😭

BUT YOURE RIGHT, he prob would even say the same things omg

[writing-shroom]

Hooo congrats for 200 <3 (this for the 200 event)

Heyoo:D oml oml ive never done a request before so baban I’m nervous ahhh I’m sorry if I did this wrong 🥲

Can I request prompts 6 and 40 with Kyōjurō ( if not kyo, then giyuu or uzui pls🌟) i watched mugen train last week and I’m dying so please can make it fluffy and just the kny au? That makes sense right? Like no au just the world they live in I’m confused uuih no preference really for type, just do whatever is easier for you <3 I was thinking maybe smth just domestic and soft because I’m a softie for soft things :D sry if this wasn’t clear enough

Byebye!! Have a great day shroomie~

(Can I call you that?)

No place like home // R. Kyojuro x Reader || 200 Celebration

Pairing: R.Kyojuro x reader [KNY au, yes this is to poke fun at tea /j /lh]

Summary/Prompts: You were patiently waiting by the engawa for your love to come home, just as you were about to retire to bed, a fire tipped haori caught your eye. Prompts 6 + 40; "Can you hold something for me?" "Yeah sure,,,dear that's your hand." "I know" + Clinging hugs, not wanting let go in fear of losing them.

Words: 2,1K words

Warning: TW! Mentions of injuries, no mcd we're not doing that here nonono, im not gonna hurt y'all like that. Not proofreaded (?), you've been warned.

Gender neutral reader!

a/n: teeeaaaaa my bestie how you've been :DD i just talked to you a few hours ago but still, i never wrote for kyojuro before i hope i do his character right .m. but i just had to! we need to keep san loyal here 👏👏😂 /lh /j

You scrunched your face, the cold nighttime wind made your hair smack against your cheeks. Puffing away the stray strands away from your eye, you sighed and brought your knees to your chin.

"(Y/N)-san? What are you still doing awake?"

Yelping, you abruptly turned around. Only to find little Senjuro standing by the sliding doors.

"I could ask you the same thing Sen," You jested, wrapping your arms around your legs tucked under your chin. "Kyojuro wouldn't be happy to see you staying up so late."

He sat down next to you, fiddling with his fingers.

"I know, but I couldn't sleep." Another sign of his anxiousness were his feet swinging back and forth off the side of the engawa. "Not when aniki's on a mission."

Feeling your heart sink, you sighed and pulled Senjuro to your side. "He'll come home, like he always does remember?"

Was that meant to comfort him or you? You weren't really sure, but you knew it didn't really work on either of you. Kyojuro always came home, he promised he would.

But, this mission felt different.

A train was being suspected of demon activity, mugen train if you remembered correctly. Normally when your boyfriend would go on his mission you had not a single doubt that he would be coming home, you had gotten used to it.

This time however, something didn't feel right. He should be back by now.

"Come Senjuro, let's get you to bed," You coaxed, ruffling his hair. "Then when you have enough energy in the morning, we can make some snacks for when Kyo comes back."

He debated over the idea, on one hand he wants to stay up with you but on the other he was really sleepy. The yawn escaping his mouth was proof of it. And it didn't help that you were running your hand soothingly across his back, you were trying to get him to sleep and he knew it.

Giving in he nodded sleepily, letting you pulled him by the hand to his bedroom.

"Good night Sen," You got an incoherent mumble and a loose hug as your response, he meant well though, he's just really tired.

Sliding his bedroom door shut you stepped back, maybe you should've tried to comfort him more. But what else could you say? Sighing you massaged your temple and walked down the hall.

You should probably head to bed too.

It didn't matter if he came home littered with cuts and bruises, Kyojuro would be worried sick if he found out that you stayed up all night waiting for him. Shaking your head laughing fondly at the memory, still remembering the way he was racing around the place, panicking over the fact that you had a cold.

Taking the scenic route, you walked pass the entrance, wanting to check in one last time. Just in case he came home tonight.

Staying there for a few minute, you sighed disappointedly when you didn't see his oh so familiar red tipped golden hair coming towards you. Guess it's bed for you then.

Breathing out on your freezing hands you walked slowly round the corner, you hoped he was warm where ever he was. As you were about to disappear behind the corner a fire bordered haori appeared in the corner of you eye.

He's home

Spinning around you took a double take, just incase it was your sleep deprived mind playing tricks on you. But no, there he was, standing up with the help of some kakushi but he was there.

"Kyo!"

He wasn't expecting you to be up, his surprise was evident with the way his body straighten out suddenly, trying to walk to you but failing. The two kakushi at his side panicked momentary to catch him, but they sighed in relief when they did.

"(Y/N)? What you doing up? You should be sleeping," He asked when you rushed over to meet them in the middle.

A quick chat with the kakushi brought you up to date, upper moon three had unexpectedly appeared during his mission. Luckily he had manage to hold it in a stand still until sunrise, where the demon fled to hide from the morning sun.

But of course, he suffered some injuries, some more serious than others.

Trapping Kyojuro within your embrace you helped him stand upright in place of the two kakushi, who had already said their farewells and now are just leaving. Once you couldn't hear their footsteps anymore, you buried your head in the crook of his neck.

"My dear what's wrong?"

You but your lip, tightening your arms around him, not wanting to let go incase you actually did fall asleep and this was all just a dream. It never occurred to you how easy it was for you to lose him while he's on a mission miles away, but seeing him stagger in —barely being able to stand by himself and covered in bandages— it shook you body and mind.

Pinching your eyes shut, you ignored the tears rolling down your face and clutched onto the back of his clothing, sending your gratitude to what ever powers that lies above for letting him come home to you and Senjuro.

While the sun rose behind you, the both of you stayed there for a few more minutes. Just soaking in each other's warmth or a little while longer, squeezing him one last time you stepped back a little —you figured it was time for him to get some rest after such a tiring mission.

Kyojuro whined when he couldn't feel your embrace any more, making you giggle and sling his arm over your should to keep him balanced.

"We can cuddle later, right now you need to get some rest," You tried reasoning, laughing when your boyfriend retorted that cuddling you is resting.

Leading him to your shared room, you helped him sit down at the futon and handed him some clothes to change into before rushing off to get some water. Not only for him to drink but to wash away some of the grim they couldn't clean in the rush to cover his wounds.

You'll have to make a quick trip to the butterfly estate to get more salves and gauze, but that didn't matter, Kyo was home now.

Taking one step into your bedroom you burst into a fit of laughter when you walked in on your said boyfriend struggling to get his hair in order, some of it disobeying him entirely and made a crown of spiked up fire-like hair surrounding his head.

Hearing the sound of your laughter, Kyojuro froze and looked up at you as best he can from underneath all the hair falling in front of his face.

While he was being dazzled by you, his grip became loose and now even more of his red tipped locks fell on his face. Spluttering and blowing away some of it, his vision only partly came back when you brushed a portion away. Still chuckling, you continued sweeping away his hair from his eyes.

"There we go," Grabbing a brush, you gently combed through his hair, untangling any knots you find along the way.

Meanwhile Kyojuro sat there obediently and simply enjoyed the feeling of your fingers brushing his hair, humming contently when you message his scalp lightly. He'll say hello to Senjuro in the morning, he didn't want to wake him up in the middle of the night after all.

Feeling your hands move from his hair to his shoulders, he pulled on them to bring you forward, making you press against his back. You propped your chin up against his shoulder, in return he turned slightly to nuzzle his cheek against yours.

Circling your arms around his shoulders you placed a kiss against his temple, intertwining his hands with yours he breathed out.

He was glad to be home.

The sun was high in the sky by the time Kyojuro woke up again, but he didn't want to just yet. Rolling over to his side, he tried reaching over to hug you, only to grab a pillow instead.

'Wait, this isn't (Y/N).'

Groggily blinking at the pillow, it took him a moment to finally realise that you weren't in bed with him.

Pouting a bit he grunted as he tried sitting up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Kyojuro looked around the room to see if you where there or not. Sniffing the air however he smelled someone cooking sweet potatoes, oh he knew where you were.

"(Y/N)-san! I'm going to clean up the garden," Senjuro said taking off his apron. "I'll go extra fast though! So I can come back when aniki's awake."

Chuckling you set down the knife and pat his head, "Okay but, don't rush yourself Sen."

Leaving with a nod, he went out to do the task while you finished up preparing lunch. Nothing but the quiet thuds of your knife cutting through vegetables could be heard in the kitchen.

While normally you would trust Senjuro to cut the vegetables while you could clean up the house. He's so excited that his brother's home, that he wants to get through his chores as quick as possible, and it was less likely for him to get hurt with a broom than it is a knife.

Speaking of which,

"Good morning my dearest," A voice said behind you while wrapping their arms around your waist.

"It's the afternoon Kyojuro, but yes good morning darling." Looking behind you, you scrunched your face when you were met with a kiss in between your eyebrows.

"Can I help you in anyway?" He asked, like every other time you were in the kitchen, still tilting his head to the side cutely as always.

"No no no, you're injured therefor have to rest," Setting down the knife again, you tried shooing him away back to the bedroom. The attempt was unsuccessful since he simply shuffled to side a lil to avoid your pushing.

Crossing your arms, you and Kyojuro entered a staring match. It was a wonder how you even lasted five seconds against his pleading eyes, sighing you gave up and linked your arms together so you could guide him over to the kitchen counter to help you with the vegetables.

Happy with his new job, he worked by your side, both of your cracking a few jokes here and there or maybe starting up a new conversation.

Finally after roughly half an hour you were done. Wiping down the table, you took off your apron and was about to call Senjuro back for lunch.

"Can you hold something for me?" It was an innocent question, so you went along with it.

"Yeah sure,,,dear that's your hand."

"I know"

Looking up at your boyfriend, who had a cheeky grin on his face, you rolled your eyes at his cheesiness and pecked his cheek so he would let you go for a just little bit. But when you tried walking away you were stopped by Kyojuro still holding your hand.

Huffing affectionately and you let him twirl you back into his arms. "Hun you are being really sweet right now and I think it's absolutely adorable," You started, poking his nose playfully. "But I need to get Senjuro for lunch."

Perking up at the mention of his brother, Kyojuro's eyebrows shot up as he grinned. "Where is he by the way? I tried looking for him but i couldn't find him."

"Aniki!"

Came another voice behind him, swiftly turning around he spotted Senjuro running towards him.

"Right there," You answered too late, the brothers were already hugging. Each had wide grins, and you could maybe see a few tears pricking out of the corners of Senjuro's eyes. You'll wiped his face later, going to set the table you let them have their moment.

It was much too sweet for you to interrupt anyways.

Taking a sip of tea from your cup, you sat at your end of the table gazing at the bright blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds. What a nice day to be together.

woof another one done :3 eee can't believe im your first request ;w; i hope i did it justice lovely! reading ur request was so cute, never stop being cute hun. nothin like a bit of soft angst to make the fluff even sweeter, and yes you can absolutely call me shroomy please do not stop. Remember to stay safe and hydrated lovelies! Hope everyone had a good day, and I'll see you in the next fic :DD

Event closed! ☼ Masterlist ☼

[ohgoodnessgravious]

i’m p sure the it fandom is completely dead but here r some headcanons. i’m sure some day someone will remember it and their phase will come back for a day or two.

-//-

the second eddie even thought richie was cute he’d immediately start shaking his head and kept saying “no no no no no no” out of no where and then run out of the treehouse. he would not stand 4 that. mans has internalized homophobia. he thinks it’s a disease and what not. poor guy was flipping his shit. everyone looked at eachother weird and didn’t really uh get what happened. eventually they thought richie said smth so they were like ahhh what did u say to him!!! and what not.

when richie thought of eddie as cute his face went blank. like he was laughing w eddie orsmth and then out of nowhere went 😐 and left. then started pacing around the forest like “shit oh fuck why did i just leave him like that” and was ab to go back and then was like “shit oh fuck it’s probably gonna be awkward now” eventually ben went looking for him. richie was talking a mile a second and confessed that he thought eddie was cute. ben just kinda looked at him and was like “ur gay? IM SORRY i’m sorry i didn’t mean that in a bad way i just..! that’s cool man! i um…wow! okay! okay. are u gonna tell the other losers?” and richie started trying to defend himself saying he’s not gay and whatnot.

eddie thought ab richie in that way before richie did. richie always somewhat liked him but after eddie started being awkward around richie he started liking him more if that makes sense. even if richie himself didn’t know his subconscious did and so like since…fuck man idk how to explain things. anyways richie confessed to eddie. ben kept trying to convince him to. ben had this whole romantic thing planned out and richie just…he went up to eddie’s door, mrs kaspbrak answered, eddie came up to the door since mrs kaspbrak was like “eddie ur little friend is here”, richie got really nervous, blurted out “i’m gay”, teared up, and ran away. i’m sorry this isn’t all that cute but this is 100% accurate i asked andy myself. this is just turning into me shitting around sry for wasting ur time. anyway the next time eddie saw richie he walked the other way cuz of the whole disease thing. his mom wouldn’t let richie anymore and was like “ew no ur gonna infect my son” but in a bitchier way? richie ended up running after eddie one day. literally. eddie was running for his life. “i’m sorry i didn’t handle that well i just have a crush on you and whatever like sorry this is kinda sudden but you’ve been ignoring me but i swear i wont infect you with gay i’m so sorry eddie i don’t even think i really have a crush on u anymore unless u have a crush on me then i do have a crush on you cause like okay hm okay so please don’t ignore me eddie please please please i can’t-“ and so fourth. eddie was literally just staring at him the whole time with like super wide eyes. he slowly walked away and then turned around and kept opening his mouth to say something and then just kinda stood there with his finger up like 👆 pointed in richies direction and richie tested up a bit and was like “eds” and eddie still didn’t say anything and richie was like “for fucks sake eddie u didn’t even get mad at me for saying eds” and all eddie said was “sorry” and left. thanks goodbye

[muwur]

haikyuu x otome: masterlist |  prologue

» synopsis:  a haikyuu x reader au where you, the player, are bound for university in a metropolis several hours away from home. hope and excitement are replaced with dread as you come to realize that juggling life as a student and a part-time employee takes a toll. from demanding classes to a ruthless manager, life just can’t seem to give you a break. that is, until you meet a certain someone who reminds you how to live and follow your dreams. somehow, when you’re with them, time stands still. maybe things are finally starting to look up. if only you could stay in those moments for just a little longer. 

» disclaimer: i do not own haikyuu or any of the pixels in this post (i simply made collages out of them)

edit: it’s been brought to my attention that another HQ writer may have written something similar to this idea in the past and I was unaware. Though I haven’t seen this particular type of thing written yet, I don’t mean to claim this event idea as my own bc I feel a lot of events that ppl put up may have some overlapping themes n such (tho this idea would def be more specific and be cause for concern of plagiarism) and bc I would never want to steal ideas/not ask other writers first/not credit other writers (that’s not cool fam). If you have any issues with this event, pls bring them up w me, and if you know any other writers who’ve done smth similar, pls share w me their URLs! thank u for ur understanding :) I hope u can still enjoy haikyuu x otome :’)

» how to play:

I. you can refer here for the general rules of my blog. also, for this event (and it’ll say in the descriptions below), i’m only accepting one character per request. also the word count limits i wrote here may change as im getting started on actually writing requests lol

II. essentially a collection of x reader one-shots, drabbles, and smaus in which you are a busy college student whose only break seems to be spending time with friends who actually get you or the 15-minute lunch break during which you get to ignore annoying customers

III. since this is otome-inspired, i have several options you can choose from. these options are essentially types of requests:

» everyday is a new start 

» drabble about how you meet the character of your choice  

» it is not guaranteed y’all are gonna gel (get along) when you first meet,, warning: if the character is usually a bitch, i may write them as one LMAO jkjk but fr

» usually light, fluffy, and/or silly

» hmm tbh,,, idk word count,,, probs anywhere between 700-1k words (i edited this word count after writing my first thing bc HNNN)

» the only characters you can’t request this for is yamaguchi, tsukki n hinata,,, bc you meet them in the prologue AHAHA sry it’s nothing too spaicy since it’s just in the intro

» it’s all in the little things

» one-shots about normal, daily interactions with the character of your choice

» in other words, these include what can go on in a day in the life of y/n and the character of your choice (after they’ve already met). in the city, the possibilities are endless

» give me a word (or several, cuz writing is hard lmao. also legit any word, like ‘orange’ or ‘nostalgia.’ i may choose only one or do a combination from your list :3) as a prompt and ill somehow make something of it lmao

» medium relationship development + exp

» 700-1.5k words

» hmmm what should i get today?

» very short drabble with a character of your choice about various scenarios and thots i have in my head

» a complete surprise, totally random, may have no context

» may be serious, fluff, crack, etc. 

» if u choose this u basically told me ‘surprise me’

» 100-300 words, depends on my mood

» when i see your name pop up on the screen, i can’t help but smile 

» short smau with a character of your choice 

» fluff or crack, ur choice or leave that up to me (if unspecified, ill just flip a coin)

» you can either give me a word(s) as a guide or leave the topic of convo up to me

» 2-4 panels

» you’d be surprised how much can happen in a day 

» BMO has nothing to do with this, i just found a cute pixel of him

» spaicy relationship development, the scenes in which you actually make progress in the game

» one-shot with a character of your choice

» order from the following:

» macaron: when they realize they’ve fallen for you

» banana bread: when you realize you’ve fallen for them

» iced americano: when they feel a tinge of jealousy 

» hot chocolate: when they see you crying  

» matcha latte: when they have a longing to be around you

» cupcake: love confession (may be intentional or accidental)

» major relationship development + exp + sometimes confusion

» 1-2k words

» these will probs take me longer

» all good things must come to an end

»  not as angsty as those bolded words above sound,,, unless you want it to be >:)

» drabble or one-shot with a character of your choice. the final interaction before finishing the game

» you have three options: good end (fluffy, romantic & the like), bad end (angst), or crack end (surprise)

» word count will be super variable, from 300-1.5k words

IV. this forces me to write one-shots, drabbles, anything but hc’s, and also forces me to limit my word count. that said, this will take me a hot minute, y’all. word counts may change too bc i am,,, indecisive n untalented AHAHA

V. search for ‘haikyuu x otome,’ ‘haikyuu x otome special,’ ‘haikyuu x reader otome’ tags! i will tag each work under these c:

got it? have a request for me? send me an ask or submission! 

request example: ‘start new game with akaashi’ or ‘love challenge with yachi in the empty lecture hall at night’ or ‘continue story with noya. words: tired, mangoes, music’ 

feel free to ask me if ur confused about anything and have questions! thank you so much for reading <3 im excited for this heh

inspired by recent haikyuu otome teasers i keep seeing online and the fact that i dropped my summer class and am taking on personal projects (like painting my room LMAO i gotta manifest my inner buff daddee ushi to move shit in my room bc i kid u not everything is rlly heavy in here. and i also delved back into otomes on my phone,, does anyone else play midnight cinderella or mr love LOL talk 2 me)

haikyuu x otome masterlist

[writeiolite]

Hello!!!! I love your writing sm esp the werewolf au! AAAAAA uhhhhh if you dont mind wld u do headcanons of being aobajohsai n nekoma’s managers?? 🥺 just kinda them being protective of the manager,,, and just,, fluffy!!!! If u dont mind ofc!!! Thank you for writing they really been keeping me sane during quarantine ❤️

AW omg thank you so muchhhh im rly happy my writing can help ppl out even a little c: i’m glad u liked SOS too!!! ^^

this is long im so sorry but i rly love it hehe

who: gn!reader, aoba johsai, nekoma

what: fluff, humor

plot: reader as aoba johsai+nekoma manager :D

wc: 1,004

{ hq sfw taglist — tell me if you want to be added or taken off: @yamxgucci }

aoba johsai

tbh they need a manager but also dont???

the whole team knows they can rely on oikawa and their coach is rly good too but having extra brain power does help 

ur there to help the coach strategize when oikawa isn’t doing it

the three of u work together n honestly ur rly efficient together

kindaichi probably has a crush on u bc of that

always wants ur attention but he won’t try hard for it u know

meanwhile u will try hard for kyotani’s attention

not bc of romantic feelings but this plan u just came up with? chef’s kiss! kyotani cmere 

u have to ask iwaizumi for help with kyotani sometimes but honestly he’s always helping u without u realizing or asking since the team rly looks up to him anyway

will offer u advice on how certain events go if oikawa or the coach havent already

will probably say oikawa was wrong abt something right in front of oikawa’s face

will probably make fun of oikawa

“y/n-chan he’s being mean again”

u will ignore them both honestly hkbkgfjg you have stuff to do

like get kunimi on track but also get yahaba to stop teasing him

yahaba thinks ur cute but rest assured he will never make a move

partially bc he knows kindaichi has a crush on u and partially bc he knows u won’t entertain his advances hhhh

u are carrying the entire industry on ur back wow how do u feel??

things with aoba johsai are actually rly easy when everyone is together talking abt game plans or going on trips 

they all listen well and respect u a lot 

u don’t know it but iwaizumi speaks highly of u when the team is all laying down to go to sleep if they’re out of town

so does oikawa and even yahaba tbh

the whole team genuinely rly appreciates having u around 

matsukawa and hanamaki especially bc they like to make u laugh n smile

when appropriate ofc — they’re v thoughtful and respectful to ur soapbox times n won’t distract u

hanamaki will bring u food if u show up to practice early or stay late

he and watari will be the ones to compliment ur efforts consistently

watari thinks u work too hard sometimes but later he realizes it’s bc u care abt the team so much and honestly that makes his heart hurt

he rly admires u for that and didn’t think anyone who wasn’t an officially teammate would care so much

expect to get gifts/treats from the team a lot. they’ll all pitch in to buy u smth, pay for ur food, or take u out as thanks

ur rly valuable on their team n they definitely make it known

nekoma

kenma is frl the brains of nekoma so im sry u are not strategizing

“y/n u rly don’t have to help out with game strategies yknow”

“ik kenma but i feel useless otherwise”

bro bad move — they will never make u feel useless again like

u have to stop kuroo from being too rambunctious sometimes

lev is literally doing smth he shouldn’t be if u look away for -4 seconds

yaku is there to help u reel them in but honestly he’s glad ur there so he can slack off a little

esp bc ur more patient with lev so i promise u it’s like

“y/n it’s ur turn to get lev now”

“…. i am? always?? getting lev???”

*shared custody noises*

team trips rly be like “ 4, 5, 6… where is kai”

“y/n u literally skipped counting me”

“oh hhahahahahahhh my b”

“it’s fine” ugh hes just so nice n knows the rest of the team is already a hassle

kai and yaku are truly the first ones to help u out w/o making a big deal out of it

kuroo-,,..,.. well

he’ll help u out but he’s gonna put the spotlight on u and on whatever the issue is

“oi u guys are gonna make y/n fill all these water bottles alone? what kind of team is this?!!!?!???!!!”

will proudly grin at u after and pat ur back like “u can count on me dw”

shibayama is ur baby u have to accept this

he doesnt get to do much in games so he can get discouraged. which is why it’s great that ur around to give him smth to do or cheer him up

sometimes if u don’t notice then tamahiko or kenma will point it out to u

inuoka will be ur moral support while ur the whole team’s moral support

no matter what kuroo says, inuoka is ur biggest shooter

they will probably jokingly compete for 1st place in ur heart n will occasionally compete on who can help u out the most

yaku will call them idiots bc honestly are they helping or making it worse we donut know

“8, 9… ok that’s everyone!”

“y/n you didn’t count fukunaga.”

“oh thanks kenma. my b sorry fukunaga”

unbothered king. is used to it honestly. u already have a lot to deal with bro

“y/n did you count me?”

“yamamoto i literally counted you twice.”

“third time’s the charm, right?”

inuoka, biggest y/n defender, jumps on the scene to stop any sort of affection between u and yamamoto

a big “HAHAHA yamamoto ur SO funny when u pretend u have a chance with y/n” is enough to stop him dfhkgkfsjgh im so sorry 

highkey he practiced that line too (ty tanaka) oghkfkg inuoka pls let him have one (1) chance

tbh u may not have everything organized and together but at least it’s an organized mess

family is family n things wouldn’t be the same without you

aka yaku would go insane n shibayama would b sad so pls stay their manager forever

[mothfishing]

16, 20, 43, 121, and for fun: 77 :) (i want book recs help m)

I ALSO WANT BOOK RECS ALL THE TIME this is why im always googling book rec lists. unfortunately most of the ones i find sound like shit

16. a book you'd recommend to your younger self

it's ABSOLUTELY 99 nights in logar i liked that book a lot...also it was like ouch constantly. i remember when i saw the blurb say it was like similar to 1001 nights, i was like, oh that's probably just bc it's set in afghanistan (have seen a lot of that). but actually the like...way the story is told where it's multiple anecdotes told nonlinearly and connected in a nested way (like for example one is the main character overhearing his father tell a story to his uncles, and then at one point in the father's story he dives to the ground in the mud, and then the father says in the mud he thought about - and then it transitions to yet another story). stuff like that

tho my memories of 1001 nights are VERY fuzzy bc i read it years ago, that was the thing that stuck out to me most clearly about it since it also had some story transitions that were that sort of thing

20. a book that got you out of a reading slump

i would NORMALLY say murderbot bc that broke my slump earlier this year but u read that already so im gonna try to think of smth else...im reading black water sister by zen cho right now and i really like it so far! but of course im not done with it yet

it's basically about a girl who is having a lot of stress in her life because her parents are having issues and also she just finished college and doesn't know what she wants to do with herself yet. and she starts hearing a voice and it turns out her grandma was a spirit medium and the main character inherited the ability, and her grandma's ghost has some unfinished business she's recruiting the main character to help her with

43. a book that you have read more than three times

THIS ONE IS HARD...most of the time i only read books once bc i wanna read a new book. i read murderbot twice due to loving it very very much however

hmmmMMmmmMm i DO end up reading short stories over and over sometimes though so im gonna rec tongtong's summer and goodnight melancholy by xia jia! i read these in the short story anthologies broken stars and invisible planets, both translated by ken liu. but while i liked reading those overall bc i rlly loved some of the stories, overall they were both meh for me bc i also rlly disliked some of them...

121. a book that makes you nostalgic

HMMMM the golem and the jinni! there was just something abt reading it that felt very "kid in a library reading a book" to me. not sure why. even though i read it as an ebook i still felt like i was reading one of those library books with the plastic covers in the chairs at the library i lived near when i was little

it's abt like a golem and a jinni (spoilers sry) in 1920s-ish new york! they're both the only people around who theyre like, able to be open abt their true natures with? and it's just stuff abt their lives, i thought it was good

77. a book so useless that you could use it as a coaster

i love this one bc i love to complain. the second two books of remembrance of future past...i remember the first book was so good and i thought it was going good places. then the 2nd two books were literally SO fucking bad and awful. unfortunately i have a disease called "if i start something i need to finish it" so i ended up reading the entire thing anyway even though the second two books are also so fucking long. basically don't read it

[littlebabycrybtch]

dude literally why are ppl so fucking stupid the way they talk about slur reclamation nowadays.... as if like... bigots care and are nuanced abt the exact label you use or the way you experience minority status. yall are wayyy too fucking illusioned by this social media shit im sorry but literally you need to get real and pay some attention to how real world oppression works instead of focusing on applying your own ideas. it sucks but i mean... ur analysis doesnt matter to them. their actions hold bigger consequences. ig in your world, it makes sense that slurs would have strict rules on how theyre used or smth, but in the real world its more broad than that, and you cant just literally ignore that for your own concepts and expect that to be worth anything realistic for social justice. if a person with the power to oppress you intentionally calls you a relevant slur They Decide Applies to you, bc idk, Slurs Are Derogatory Terms Invented By The Bigots First, then uhh. theyre the one with the power to use it like that unfortunately. people reacting to that are not your enemy. like i apologize from the bottom of my heart fake modern activists with twitter brainrot, but if im queer and cishets regularly call me a d*ke or a f*g or tr*nny.... theyre calling me that intentionally. sry you disagree but doesnt really matter man, it does more social damage for them to say that to me than it EVER could me calling myself that to feel empowered and normalize lgbt+ pride. normal adults understand this like lmfaooo im sorry but it literally is such a blatant ‘i dont get how things work’ stance to be like , ‘specific genders and sexualities within the lgbt+ community are called specific slurs by the smartest most well informed bigots in the world who read discourse blogs consistently to decide how they behave, they use slurs like socks that match the days of the week’ girl . to cishets we are all one race the f*ggot race and it fucking sucks ! but literally the best response is to use the damn terms Positively just as broadly as they do. how tf does ur tiny brain work to be SO exclusive club-mentality abt Every single possible topic of OPPRESSION, this isnt the thing to be uppity over dude use ur head, trans men or lesbians or bisexuals using the f slur are not gonna hurt you and to even think that is so fuckin detached 

[matoitech]

hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

[pestopascal]

so i only just saw the announcement on the fhr server what happened while i was in something else i tried searching and everything seemed to come back to you lol

“comes back to me” LOL yeah so bee posted the blm donation post after people were all like “i need a break from social media” following malins post on the fhr tumblr and like it wasnt mean. it was just a Post with ways to help/raise awareness bc like ngl being all “oh i need a break” when like there is ZERO mention of blm before all this btw. terrible. but the mods deleted it ???? (not a single mod has admitted to being the one to delete it first). and then it got reposted under spoiler tags with like “tw police brutality/politics” which. its a donation post for blm. tone deaf. so then i reposted it again, and quite frankly ppl were chiming in with like why was it hidden under those tw and spoilers and that maybe it should be posted in the announcement channel instead of being lost in genchat (it took 2hrs for it to be a formal announcement still under tws). it RLY didnt dissolve until justaname chimed in with “this server isnt supposed to be leftist fox news” (a classic which will not be forgotten by the masses) and literally like the mods were ??? not here but the mits and cms were like either trying to help or just straight up “this server is supposed to be a safe space” like even MY post wasnt aggressive lol i just gave suggestions on how ppl could donate or stream to donate or if they want more information on first nations (bc everyone seems to believe i left out australia in this...????)  but then mod cheion chimed in with “politics are on the trigger list” AGAIN and its like this is a donation post about blm YKNOW??? so then idk ppl tried to like non-apologise for comments and be all “how are ppl supposed to learn from mistakes from their comments” and encourage ppl to go onto different topics and kept saying that the donation post and blm was a “heavy topic” for a GAME that literally has “heavy topics” as its like core storytelling (which btw numerous people ALSO brought up was incredibly ironic and reminded everyone the server has been like that for a very long time) anyway madcatco literally called the server theirs LOL and was like literally take ur politics somewhere else (this game......... has politics involved btw)

like then ppl left it for maybe idk a lil while i hopped into the au server and snagged some screencaps of ppl just railing on me for literally bringing up racism bc thats bad apparently to point out racism??? also my MO is to be an asshole ❤️ and then it kicked off again as ppl read up and started criticising the mods and famous comment by trob of “we’re aware of smute” LMAOOOO like sry i tried being polite with dms and screenshots last yr to emma that mod who like was sarcastic af and trob and madcat (who also btw Hated smute and rei up until like. august last yr). anyway ppl started DIGGING and posting caps of rei and smutes antics on the server in genchat specifically (also that fucking post from saturn about smute skejfhskjdhf ) and then campaigning for ppl to be unblocked who were blocked like nina (contrary to ur opinion trob dont lie 2 us i have screenshots of u in the vent channel of the au server) and like ppl kept demanding why saturn was blocked and they REFUSED to answer why and still never outright admitted it and it kept GOING it was like absolutely hilarious and sad how many non-answers and non-apologies ppl got and they were like “oh but how do we help the server” and then ppl were like “wow i didnt realise the rot went this deep” bc sooooo many ppl were getting anons as well with just how deep smutes interaction with fhr went and it was like. incredible. also shout out to smute being the pet racist comment that was the FUNNIEST shit i’ve seen. only the mits and cms were actually trying to help btw. mods were nowhere to be seen. PPL WHO LEFT THE SERVER REJOINED like who swore off fhr all those huge content creators came back. wild. at some point i passed out, got banned by lime as a “knee jerk emotional reaction” alongside alex and seagull and i think there were others as well btw idk who and we got unblocked (im so sad that happened like an hr after i went to bed i MISSED it) and just madcatco SPLIT with no apology, idk cheion said smth but quite frankly idk it was words. lime dipped out. a whole bunch of ppl also split, ppl started POURING in again. like there was another non apology which was like ‘my mental health’ and idk man none of them still apologised for being racist mind you like that was the biggest and most absolute thing ppl kept bringing up and NONE of the mods apologised for being racist and wanting to do better. they just peaced out.

anyway now the mits are full mods, the old admin i think split after like being all “huh what i just fix up channels i dont work here” . trob is now just an admin and still being all tw drama LOL so we’ll see what happens with the server. i know ppl kept saying to make a new one but like the basic structure is there. ppl just gotta not be bought off by shitty copied art anymore yknow. who knows whats even gonna happen with the game anymore apparently malin May Return after the completion of the alpha or smth

OH AND smute’s fucking attempt at apology 2.0 sry honey but