#star raitings

[soobrat]

mosquito masterlist

pairing; soloist!soobin x soloist!reader

genre; smut and light angst, alternate universe, opposite attract, unrequited love, fake relationship

series raiting; 18+, MDNI

current word count; 17.2k

synopsis; Soobin is one of the names you think of when you say "Pop Star", which remains true after his recent cold streak. To make up for his cold streak, his company urges him to enter a relationship with you, a rising star. Dreading another publicity stunt relationship, he says no before they get to the part where you're none the wiser.

series song recs; mosquito by pinkpantheress, so i by charli xcx, turn it up by pinkpantheress

s = smut | a = angst | f = fluff | sg = suggestive

(dividers by @cafekitsune)

part one; on a monday... (s, a)

part two; maybe tuesday? (a, f)

txt masterlist

[greetingfromthedead]

A Cry for Help (Vash & GN!Reader)

Plot: Fate keeps crossing Vash's path with yours and every time you seem worse off, sad and lost. Vash sees his own pain mirrored in your empty expression and offers you a listening ear, while he reflects on his inner turmoil.

Series: Oneshot

Pairing: Vash & GN!Reader

Raiting: Everyone

Tags: no use of "y/n", platonic, strangers, mental health, depression, anxiety, trauma, opening up, recognizing your pain in others

Word count: 3k

Author's Note: To those who feel unseen.

It's you again. Vash is surprised to see your familiar face at the bar again. How many times has it happened over the course of the last few months? Certainly enough times to look suspicious. Are you following him? From what he has gathered, you are a bounty hunter, but you have yet to make a move on him. Vash doesn't know much about you, not even your name, yet you catch his eye, and he notices you. He observes the dark shadows under your eyes, the tiredness in them, and the dull expression deepening each time he sees you. It's almost like you aren't there at all.

Vash takes a step forward to approach you, finally deciding to seek some answers, but a few drunk patrons stumble into him just as you stand up without a single glance at him and walk off in the opposite direction. Vash sighs deeply as he looks back at you, disappearing into the crowd, his hands busy with helping the drunks find their footing again. He wonders when he will see you again and if the resignation on your face has grown deeper by that time. He knows what it means to be plagued by demons and to feel a weight on your shoulders that never seems to lift. So it hurts to see a familiar reflection of his feelings on the faces of others.

He settles in by the bar, asking for a place to stay the night and ordering himself a beer to start off his evening. The first glass turns into many as time goes on, and he finds himself giving people a well practiced smile while talking to them about the mundane. Yet his mind drifts back to you. Why does he keep running into you? He can't stop thinking about the way you looked. You must have been lost somewhere deep in your thoughts, the expression on your face so unrestrained and raw. Before, you were always on guard, the lines of your face schooled into neutrality despite the numerous hints at it being a carefully crafted mask. Vash knows it all too well, so it remains buzzing in his head.

You fill his thoughts to the point that the merriment around him fades into the background, leaving only you in his mind. Or perhaps he is thinking of himself? The growing empty void inside that swallows everything whole and feels so heavy—he knows it. He feels it. The doom in his head, the worries and insecurities that consume him from within—they get so hard to bear at times. Could it be fate that crosses your paths? He can't take all these whirling thoughts mixed with shouts and songs and the smell of cigarettes and strong liqueur any longer. Vash rises from his stool and walks into the fresh night air.

As Vash takes deep breaths to steady his racing mind, he walks further away from the saloon. The cobblestone street is only barely lit by a few lanterns and the silvery moonlight. It's quiet and peaceful, a stark contrast to the chaos in his head. He finds himself drawn to the edge of town, where the darkness seems to swallow up everything around him. The tall walls on either side of the narrow alley block off even the moons. As he looks up to see the sliver of twinkling stars above, he notices the toes of a pair of boots on the edge of the roof tiles. Someone is there.

He knows just how dangerous it can be for him to let his curiosity get the better of him, but it feels as if an invisible hand is beckoning him closer. Vash walks around the houses until he finds the route most likely to lead him up onto the rooftops, and he decides to follow it. He has to hop over a small gap between buildings to get to the slanted surface where a figure lays, looking up to admire the constellations painted on the dark canopy of the night sky. The loud thud of his step is what wakes you from your daze, and you sit up to look over your shoulder.

"Hei, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Vash says softly, but you don't see his face. "Trouble sleeping?"

"Something like that," you reply calmly as you shift your gaze away from him to look ahead again.

"Yeah, me too," he says, taking a few careful steps closer. "May I sit with you for a bit?"

"If it makes you feel better, sure." You give him an automatic smile before he settles down on the tiles next to you, his legs crisscrossed.

"What's your name?" he asks after a long moment of silence.

You hesitate before answering him, a different worry seeping into you. Vash expects you to ask his name in return, but instead you say, "Of course I know who you are. Anyone in my profession would know a legendary man like you at a glance, Vash the Stampede."

"I'm not so sure about that. I have found myself in a number of confusing situations where I myself start to wonder who I am." He lets out an awkward chuckle, but your face is turned ahead. "You're a bounty hunter, right?"

"Yes." Your answer is brief, and Vash gets the feeling you would rather have him leave. Your expression is neutral again, hiding any emotions you may have, but your tired eyes betray your collected demeanor.

"Should I be worried you will slap some cuffs on me and drag me off to the sheriff's department?" Vash asks half jokingly, but there is a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"No. I would have done it already if that was my intention. It's not the first time our paths have crossed. Or perhaps that has been my plan from the beginning—to lure you into a false sense of security and have you lower your guard and come to me instead of chasing you around like the rest." You give him a smile, but it doesn't really reach your eyes, where sadness still lingers.

Both of you slip into silence after that, neither looking at the other. Finally, he breaks the silence with his quiet yet strange question: "What keeps you up at night?"

"Life. The ugliness of the world." The words slip over your lips—a half-baked attempt at a joke or perhaps a subconscious cry for help. You try to laugh it off, but he doesn't return the smile. You expect him to be taken aback, but his expression remains neutral as you hide your face by looking away from him into the empty desert. You feel a lump form in your throat as the silence between you two grows heavier. He is a mere stranger; you shouldn't care what he thinks of you, yet all you can worry about is the possibility of him judging you.

"Yeah, I can understand that." Vash sighs. "Is that what worries you so?"

"What do you mean?" you ask, feeling the anxiety in your chest grow heavier.

"I don't mean to overstep. I am sorry. I just mean that I can see it in you. The weight of your worries is dragging you down. Maybe talking would help? After all, I am just a stranger, but sometimes it's easier to open up to someone you don't know."

"Why would you care?" you reply quietly. "I might just capture you and turn you in for that ridiculous amount of money and live my best life."

"I doubt that. You would have already hauled me off," he chuckles a bit. "Why haven't you?"

"Because you seem like a decent person. I've watched you with the intention of capturing you, but all I saw was kindness and compassion. It might all be an act on your part to lull people like me into believing just that, but I dare say I read people quite well. So I believe you are truly a good person. I don't know what landed you in a situation like this, but it is hardly for me to fix."

"Well, you seem like a good person too!" Vash tilts his head with a smile, his eyes filled with a kind of softness as he looks at you, but his comment doesn't seem to cheer you in the least.

"I try to be, but am I? Is trying to do good and being good the same?" You speak so softly as you turn your face completely away from him. Your voice cracks a bit, and you fall silent. Vash considers your question. He doesn't have an answer, but it is something he has pondered before. Does he deserve to be seen as a good person in anyone's eyes? All he wants is to do good and make this desperate world just a little bit lighter, but his presence alone seems to bring suffering. Is he a good person if he can't even stay away and takes the risk of causing pain?

"Perhaps it's the intention that determines whether one is truly good," he suggests.

"Perhaps..." your voice trails off into the gust of wind. "But what if you don't have any intentions? What if you feel barely in control of your life? Things just keep happening to you, and you're nothing more than an observer looking in from the outside? What does it make you if you let your life slip through your fingers and you aren't strong enough to hold it tight? It makes you feel helpless and lost, like a passenger in your own life. 'Take control. Change the course,' one might say. 'It's never too late to make a change and steer your life in the direction you desire.' But what are you going to do with the time wasted? What if the new course leads you astray? What if you're left with nothing at all in the end? Is it a risk worth taking? To unravel your whole life for a slim chance of making it better...

Your words pang against his heart, ideas, and thoughts that have lingered in his head before but have never been voiced out loud. What could he do to change the course of his life? What could he do to have people, whom he loves more than life itself, believe in him? No matter what he does or how hard he tries, something he cannot control comes along like a stray sandstorm and drags him in directions he never wants to go. It feels as though he is constantly fighting against a force greater than himself. Just another passenger in this chaotic journey called life, with no control over the roads taken.

"Every once in a while, a guilty and indulgent thought creeps into my mind." The words get nearly drowned out by the ambiance around the two of you. "What if I just give in and start over? Crumple up this paper and start anew. I'm just a name written into the sand; a strong gust will remove any mark I've ever left, nobody will even notice. I don't make a difference, not really. I am just a small part of this ugly world, one that is easily erased. I don't have much. I live like a nomad, with no connections to anyone or anything. I'm nobody's anything. I evoke no legends or stories. I barely have memories of the past, always too busy trying to move forward and survive another day. And for what? I am insignificant in the big picture. I am a fleeting nothing who has forgotten what happiness tastes like. I am nothing but a ghost wandering through life unnoticed."

Everything feels so heavy in Vash's chest, suffocating him with the weight of his own existence. Your words ring in his head. He knows what despair feels like: hopelessness and loneliness consuming him, drowning him in a sea of darkness. He has been there, one foot is still there. You must feel them too—the cold, crushing hands around your neck, squeezing just enough to make it hard to breathe. It's suffocating, overwhelming, paralyzing.

"Even if you truly feel like that, you shouldn't believe those things. Your life does make a difference, and your actions do change the course of other people's lives. If you refuse to believe in any other reason, then the fact that you are a bounty hunter who puts away criminals before they get to hurt anyone else should be enough of a reason for you to see that. Others may not understand or appreciate the impact you are making, but that doesn't diminish the importance of your work."

"A work I dislike," you sigh, not expecting him to linger on your every word the way he does. "Someone else is always there to take my place. I am not the best; I am not the fastest, the cleverest, or the most skilled. I am replaceable; even if I am good at what I do, I am nothing special. I don't belong here, and I've spent my life looking for the place where I do. A place where I can be seen, where I feel free and not like I am trapped in my own skin. That's the only thing I want from life. I have no other ambition. And even that seems to be out of reach. I don't know what to do or what to change. I don't know how to break free from this feeling of being trapped. I have to live off of something, and I am a coward in the face of change. But what right do I have to complain? There are so many of those who have it worse, those who struggle more, and those whose problems, past and present, dwarf my own. I should be grateful, but I don't find it in me to feel much of anything."

"Comparison is the thief of joy." Vash repeats Rem's words from long ago. "I've been told that before, and I think it applies here too. It's the thief of peace. You shouldn't discount your own troubles just because they seem smaller than those of another. A bullet is still a bullet, regardless of whether it is small or not; it still does damage, even if it gets dwarfed by a nuke and the kind of destruction it can cause. I cannot tell you what is right or wrong. I am no expert in good decision making either. And I have no right to tell you how to live your life anyway. Any choice is ultimately yours to make. I wish I could hand out answers on a silver platter. I wish I could change the world to make it kinder. Alas, I cannot, and I am just as helpless as anyone else."

His limbs feel heavy, like moving them is too exhausting, like he is destined to stay in that position and waste away on this roof. A scratching feeling in the back of his throat feels like a threat of tears. He knows how hard it must be for you and what you must feel, but he has no words to fix it or make any of it better. He sees you turn towards him again, but your expression has changed. It is a mix of defeat and acceptance, but it doesn't look as tired and sorrowful anymore. It's a slight change, but it is there. Your eyes have more life in them than they did before. You give him a long glance, a barely noticeable hint of a smile on your lips. He doesn't know what to do or say, so he simply looks back and gives the most encouraging smile he can muster.

"I know that look. It's the expression of someone who knows exactly what I am talking about because they feel the same way too. I recognize the sadness in your eyes like it's my own. So now take everything you told me plus everything you want to say but can't find the words for and tell it to yourself too. You deserve the same kindness you show to others. I have nothing to add that you haven't already thought." You rise to your feet and look off again, like you did before. "I can listen to you too if that is what you wish, if it makes your load easier to bear. But you have no intention of putting them all into words tonight, do you? Don't worry; I have a feeling we will see each other again soon. Fate seems to enjoy crossing our paths."

Vash stumbles onto his feet too as he notices the tremors shaking both your voice and your body to looks at you silently. His right hand reaches towards you but stalls mid-air. You aren't sure what that means.

"May I?" he asks, and he elaborates hesitantly after seeing your confused look. "May I give you a hug?"

You hesitate too, taken aback by this request. You aren't sure why he would want that, but seeing that he is the only person to notice you the way he did and to reach out a hand of support, you nod slightly. You couldn't offer him any new advice or help him take some of the weight off his chest, so perhaps this is for him.

He steps closer, his delicate hand touching your elbow, before he gently pulls you into a warm embrace. The intensity of his hug surprises you; his arms hold you firmly while you are left to stand in astonishment. Your fingers hover over the crimson fabric of his coat as you feel the initial uncomfortable goosebumps brought forth by the touch of another person, but soon you relent and return his embrace. It's strangely comforting, and he doesn't seem to want to let go. You close your eyes and exhale. It feels like the tight squeeze he gives you mends some broken pieces within. It's not much, but it's enough for now, making you feel better than you have in a while.

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[seedofjoseph]

but you choose death and company

Fandom: Far Cry 5

Pairing: John Seed x F!Deputy

Raiting: E (explicit)

Words: 3700

Warning: dub-con, intoxication, bondage, blood & injury, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, love-bombing & other indoctrination tactics

John Seed hasn't been seen on his ranch since the snow slid off of the rooftops this spring. Since the day began to grow and the night all but withered away, he has been sowing fear and reaping rewards.

The moon looks on in silence as he unloads an armory's worth of bullets into your sanctuary: Spread Eagle Bar.

"If you want your drink," Mary May Fairgrave coughs, emerging from the smoke. "John's serving it at Seed Ranch," she hisses as you hold her, skin still sizzling from the Molotov cocktail that burned down her life. "Son of a bitch reaped my entire supply."

Not a single star hears your death wish over the angry roar of your engine.

"I know you're parched," John Seed slurs over the static. "I know there's nothing like a cold drink after a hot summer's day of sinning," he breathes down your neck, out the radio receiver on your shoulder, as any suicide co-pilot would. "You want seconds? Thirds? I've got enough to last you the Collapse, so won't you share one with me, Deputy?"

Just as rumoured, the Reaper is nowhere to be seen on Seed Ranch. There is no trace of humans welcoming the trespasser either. There is nobody but the cold moon to spot you sneaking across, up, and onto a balcony. And there he is, in the warm light of the master bedroom, the beacon in the night.

"Deputy?"

Or, rather, a pale reflection of the Baptist who had you hooked with piercing blue eyes from star-studded waters all those nights ago. Tonight, he looks to you like a faded photograph, like a man drowning in shallow waters. Even his eyes shine like the moon, like a mere mirror of the sun.

"Welcome," he throws his heavy hands towards the ceiling. "To your atonement," he dropped them to his hips, but they slipped on the silky robe falling in blue waves on his sides. "You're here," his voice is small, like he is on his last breath. "You're really here."

Tonight, he looks like Death.

Drawing your handgun, you step out of the night and into the light. "You invited me."

"And you RSVPed," he blinks, his wax face melting before your solid apparition. Slowly raising his hands from where they hung like weights at his sides, he points to the silver tray floating on a sea of blue sheets. "Thirsty? You must be thirsty."

Drawing closer, you take note of the lack of a holster under his robe, and you don't jot down the absence of undergarments. But you can't help taking in the black ink on the white canvass of his calves that are being revealed to you as he turns on his heels. Or the sway in his step on the short walk to the bed.

"And you must be drunk."

"Nine years," he snarls, snatching two full glasses and swiveling around. With his face now reddening at the edges, he starts spitting fire and almost pours out the alcohol onto the sheets. "Nine years of sobriety down the fucking drain," he empties one glass and stretches his arm out towards you with the other. "Because of you. You've done this. All of this," he narrows his eyes, struggling to stare you down. "You've lit a fire inside me, Wrath. Which lit a bigger fire in Fall's End, which-"

You cock the gun. "You steal businesses, you ruin homes, and you take lives," you raised your voice with a vengeance. "You're the one sowing wrath, Seed, and it's about fucking time you reap it." But, before the barrel can rise between his clouded blue eyes, two rifles are pointed at either side of your temple. "What the-"

"Didn't see it coming, did you, Wrath? Hah! You've been blinded by your sin," John Seed raises both hands, one for each sentinel stationed on either side of his balcony. "But I can heal you. I can open up this festering wound, I can fill it up, up, up," he brings the glass back between the two of you. "And I can put this fire out once and for all," he splashes the spirit between your eyes.

"Fuck," you fire off the gun in the darkness behind your burning eyes.

"Fuck," he echoes.

"Brother John," one voice rings in your right ear.

"Your face," a second voice sounds off in your left ear. "Your face is bleeding."

"Fuck my fucking face," John hisses. "Get that fucking gun away from her before she fires off another shot into the equipment."

There are footsteps stampeding all around you and both of your eardrums follow the rhythm. There is also a dark shape blocking the light burning your eyes as you open them.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," you hear John hyperventilate. "The FM transmitter is fucking fucked."

"We can still record it."

The shape splits into two: one secures you gun and the other binds your arms behind your back.

"Yes," John's voice gets louder and louder. "Yes, brothers, the camera is still rolling."

Your blood boils hotter and hotter the closer and closer you're being dragged. "Camera?"

"Your atonement is a matter of public safety, Wrath," he sounds suffocatingly close now, like he's breathing down your neck unfiltered by the transmitter. "And of public interest. The fire you've started, your little resistance, needs to be extinguished county-wide and it needs to be done tonight."

Once he gives you back your space, his speech is distant and cold again, like the moon. They are both watching you wrestle the hands pulling yours above your head and pushing them into the matress: "This is the will of the Father."

"Make it a public execution then," you scream to the ceiling, or the skies, or the stars. "Because I won't confess, I won't beg for forgiveness, and I'll die before I say yes," you scream to whoever might be looking down, to whoever your blind eyes can't see.

"And I will die before I martyr you," he sounds questionably sober and definitely wrathful, like the bullet you misfired had brought him back to life.

"I bet you would, Seed," you sound like Wrath herself. "I bet you sent security home and brought along your little camera crew for it," you snarl left and right and all around you at the feeling of your wrists being fastened to the bedpost.

"And I bet you came here with no plan, no backup, and no hope that you'll make it out alive," his words fall heavy on your ears. "But you can beg, and plead and pray all night. I will not damn your soul to hell," his thighs are weights on your torso as he sits astride. "I will descend into the deep dark depths. I will flood you with pain and drown every demon in my wake," he roars over the ripping of your cotton shirt and your spandex sports bra. "I will cleanse you."

"No," you bellow, bucking your hips up into his which rut back into yours. "No," you wail, wiggling your wrists in the rope. "No," you choke, curving your spine and pouring your chest into the cups of his hands.

"Yes," he screams, squeezing your supple flesh. "Yes," he persists, pinching the peaks, pulling them up along with your pitch. "Say yes," he insists, inducing a fever inside of you.

"No," you burn - eyes, body, soul and all.

"Say you want me dead more than you want your barmaid to live," he rages, your fire spreading through him. "Say you want to die taking me down more than you want to live by her side," he releases your breasts only to bring back his hands on them with a slap. "Say it." And another.

"Yes," you cough, your throat tightening. "Yes, bastard, yes," you sob. "Yes, I want to burn with you more than I want to drink with her tonight," you cry, putting out the fire in your eyes.

"Ah," John Seed exhales, cooling off your hot tears. "There she is," he inhales, taking your breath away. "There's my Wrath," he whispers, confesing his own sin in the confines of your open mouth, his thick beard raking up against the sore skin of your chin. "She's really here," he pulls away his face and his hand from yours.

After his withdrawl, your sight returns everything comes into focus: the zoom of the camera lense on your face, the blood red graze of your bullet against his, and the heavenly blue of his eyes. No longer is he reflecting the yellow light hanging from the ceiling. Now it's shimmering with unshed tears and a glow all their own, as the sun itself would.

"You won't regret this," he speaks to you, but his eyes turns to his side. "I promise," he nods, summoning the other santinel along with the silver tray.

"You're not here to surrender your life," he takes a swing of the bottle before bringing to your mouth. "You're here to receive a new one," he wets his lips as yours wrap around the rim. "A life free of sin," he smiles as you suckle. "For I will scrub you clean of every one of them," he pulls away the drink and pours the rest all over your chest. Licking up the liquor with his eyes as it runs between the valley of your breasts, he replaces the empty bottle with a loaded tattoo gun. "Starting with the one you already confessed: wrath. After, we'll go with gluttony since I already indulged you. Then, we see where the night takes us. So, my dear, what do you say?"

With a cleared vision, you watch him. Yet, it isn't what your eyes see that clears your mind, but what you don't see: wrath. There is no wrath lighting the fire in John Seed's sweat-slick chest, or his blow-out eyes, or even the heat of his velvet cock under his silk robe, atop the pit of your burning belly.

With a cleared voice, you speak.

"Yes."

*

John Seed hasn't been sleeping in his own king-sized bed since winter came to an end. Since the sun started rising earlier, so has he. And, at night, he sets alongside it, over the horizon and down into his bunker.

The sun catches you sleeping in the Seed Ranch master bedroom the morning after your atonement. The morning after, the master himself is also spotted in there.

He grumbles, gathering your bandaged body into his arms. "How's the hangover?"

You snort, seeking out his heat through the thin sheet separating your skins. "Believe it or not, I've had worse."

"Oh, but I believe it," he runs one hand across your thrumming temple. "I've also had worse," he grabs a glass with the other. "Only water for you from now on," he offers.

You accept.

The sun catches you drinking in the sight of his Adam's apple bobbing. And your tongue tasting your own lips while his press up against the impression of them on the rim. And it couldn't have missed the buck of his bare hips into your covered crotch. You had just squeezed your thighs around him, your own body betraying your truth as it did throughout the night.

"My dear," he grits his teeth, gripping the glass tight. "What was that about you being a good girl?"

"Oh, John," you suck your bottom lip and squeeze your eyes shut. "I thought you washed away the bad."

Before the sun caught you in bed together, John Seed had carved out of you a confession of carnal desire for Mary May Fairgrave. And for him.

It was the last of the seven sins he exorcised out of you, the sin he exposed between your hipbones, into your womb, and onto a digital camera's memory card. It was the sin he shared with you, just out of frame, as he exorcised it out of himself, exposing his big burning erection to you and erupting between your blood-stained thighs. After your Atonement, he washed away his sin as well as yours with a cold sponge, but not before burning Lust with the salt of the two of them combined.

And now, after the sun caught you, he traces it with trembling fingers through the white sheet and the bloody bandage coming between your bodies.

"I did, didn't I?" He hisses, just as thirsty, hungry, and touch-starved as you. "Yes, I did. This can't be Lust. This can't be sin."

"How is this not sin?"

Because you bled it out all over your scarred stomach and trembling thighs. He scrubbed it clean with his hot seed and a cold sponge. Your body throbbed like you'd been training until your muscles burned, like you were energized by the endorphins flooding your bloodstream. Because the old you died under the moon last night, and a new you was born in the sunlight this morning.

"Because I choked it out," he presses his open palm to your pelvis and his forehead against your own. "And I breathed life into you."

He has to believe that. And you? You also have to believe that. After you gave up your life to be born again, to bleed out on his mattress and wake up in his bed, you have to believe that. You have to believe him.

"Your urges," he sniffs, the smell of you seeping through the sheet. "My urges," he swallows, the taste of you soaking up his tongue. "They are from God."

He has to believe in Him. And you? You have to believe in Him, too. As sure as the sun watches over you this morning, He is your witness. And you have to believe in Him.

"My dear," he brushes his nose up against yours. "As God is my witness, I gave you life," he presses his lips against yours. "I gave you my life," he pushes each word into your mouth. "As God is my witness, you were reborn in my bed last night," he growls, gripping the sheet and the bandage with one hand and ripping them off of your torso.

"Yes," you now share his breath as you've been sharing his bed. "Yes," you now share his breath as his fingers force your windpipe close. "Yes, John, yes," you now choke as he constrains your airwaves.

This can't be sin. You have to believe it. You have to believe him.

You have to believe he'll revive you after strangling the life out of you. You have to believe his deadly hands are scrubbing you clean of sin. And you have to believe his seed is disinfecting your sin as his cock spills it all over your stomach.

"My dear girl," he marvels at you. "You're all clean now," he runs his fingers over the sore spot he just squeezed. "You're pure," he rubs his come into each letter he carved and then mixes it with yours as it pours out of your pussy. "Immaculate."

"Brother John?"

"Yes?"

The door stays closed, but the voice bursts through it all the same. "The Father is requesting permission to land."

"Joseph is here?"

"The Father is here."

*

They can't remember the last time Joseph Seed stepped foot on the ranch. Though they do remember he didn't approve of any alcoholic beverages being stocked in the kitchen pantry or served on silver trays. And John Seed does remember swearing out his sin when he first arrived in Hope County.

"Shh," he smoothes back your shower-soaked hair. "I washed it all away," he towels off your torso, careful not to cause any of your scars to spill. Though he does take his time with Gluttony, the sin he disinfected using the last bottle of your favorite beverage when he spilled it all over the letters on your lower back, turning the liquor into holy water. "Joseph will see that."

And Joseph Seed can't wait to see it.

The voice returns and brings along knuckles rapping at the master bedroom door. "Brother John?"

"Yes?"

"The Father is downstairs."

Slicking back his wet hair, John looks down on you and sees that you are still damp. "If you hadn't shot the FM transmitter, he wouldn't have to be here," he says, eyes burning with a fire that cannot be Wrath, even if the angry scar on his cheek stings of that very sin. It stings of your sin. "He will see that," he repeats himself, retracing the word he carved into your chest and reigniting the pain he used to purify you.

He will see it, just like John said. And he will see it, but not through a thin bedsheet or a bloody bandage. Joseph Seed will see it through a white cotton dress.

"I won't ask if you have a bra laying around," you caress the Eden's Gate cross that is splayed out onto your chest. It doesn't cover your breasts or the nipples which poke at it like needles, and you won't ask who'd worn it before you, even as you trace your Envy tattoo. "But what about-"

"You won't be needing any," he smirks, stuffing himself into a pair of underwear that seems too small for him and too large for you. He smirks because he caught you staring at his bare body, shimmering in the sunlight.

"And you won't be needing shoes either," he answers before you ask, pulling his pants over his boots.

The rapping at the door comes back for an encore.

"Coming," he calls towards the door, his biceps bulging under the blue shirt sleeves he's rolling up. "Come," he calls to you, offering you his arm.

When you stretch out both of yours to meet him, you feel the fastenings you fought against last night and watch your rope-burnt wrists as you wrap them around his forearm.

"Look at you." And when you look up at the man who had you bound to his, you see none of the wrath that he had to wrestle into submission last night. Instead, you see another fire you've ignited within him. "You're perfect."

The morning after your Atonement, you see nothing but clear blue skies and the sun catching in his eyes. And, on the same morning, you see Joseph Seed in daylight for the very first time.

"Good morning," John Seed declares, descending the stairs with you on his arm. But the man on the first level remains reclined in his chair and as silent as the animal trophies on the mantel. "And what a good morning it is. Sorry for keeping you waiting, brother," he hurries to the bottom step and only halts to help you off of it. "There is no rest for the wicked," he holds his breath, holds your hands in the crook of his elbow, and your bare, sore feet on the hard, wood floor. "And this one kept me up all night."

You look up to him, searching for something to cool your nerves inside of his eyes, but failed to find it. The moon wasn't there, nor was the sun, but there was a fire. And they were watching the Father, burning holes into the back of his head as he stood up.

"I see," he speaks but doesn't look back. His eyes are captivated by the camera display, the details of your delay up on the small screen, and under his scrutiny. "You've been working yourself into an early grave, John," he slams the screen shut, the sound of which startles you both. "The last I heard from you was a gunshot," he sets the camera down on the coffee table, right next to a handgun and a badge. "Then, static."

"It was the deputy," John jumps to defend himself, making you jerk. "She was one step away from falling off the edge," he braces himself, bracing his hands where they're gripping him by the bicep. "I pulled her soul away from the precipice of hell itself," he looks at you, at where your fingers are intertwined and where his own joined them. He looks at you and his muscles, along with his nerves, unknot. "I saved her, Joseph. The deputy is dead."

"I see," Joseph speaks. And, following John's line of sight, you arrive at the aviator sunglasses and the light catching in them. "Bring her to me."

This morning, you see Joseph Seed in daylight for the very first time. On the same morning, he sees you, the real you. While you have your white dress to hide behind, there is nothing but yellow glass standing between your body and his naked stare. And while you walk to him with John Seed's warm hands on your shoulders, a chill climbs up your spine in time with his eyes reaching yours from all the way down your bare toes.

"God is watching," he stares you down, lifting your face up with both of his hands. "He saw you opening your heart, shedding your skin, and baring your soul," he descends onto you, his forehead falling atop yours. "He saw you have embraced His gift and He has graced you with a new life," he smothers your nose with his. "Will you trust me with it? Remember God is watching us."

"Yes," John soothes you by spinning circles into your wing bones. "Say yes," he thumbs the Pride tattoo through the thin thin cotton.

"Yes," you whimper into his mouth, which is only a word away. "Yes, Father, yes" you exhale, all the air in your lungs now lost between his lips.

"My child," he inhales and moves his mouth before it can meld with yours. And you're breathless as it presses against your furrowed brow. "The Gates of Eden are now open to you," he exhales over the wet outline of his kiss. "Your Brother John will march you right through."

"Yes, Joseph," John joins in, kissing the crown of your head and compressing your tenderized body between their two hardened ones. "I'll keep her safe," he joins his and the Father's foreheads, sighing in relief and ruffling your hair. "I'll protect our Family."

The sun catches you under the Father's chin, your nose in his shirt collar, and his scent on your tongue. And it couldn't have missed Brother John's hand on your stomach, over the knee-length skirt of your dress, and the still-sore Lust scar. And God sees everything.

The junior deputy was last been seen alive driving over the speed limit in the dead of night. Only the sun and God Himself watch over her now. And every eye in a Hope County household with a plugged-in TV set.

[delusinalandpassionate]

Raiting extremely possible future Don IDs by how much I anticipate them

1 - Liu Don - Please, please, please give her access to fire. Like I know that Vergilius would kill Dante for pulling this ID, but I begging you. Let her burn things. It would suit her so much. I mean, she has no Burn ID, but she deserves one. ALSO IMAGINE HER IN RED, SHE WOULD LOOK SO COOL IN LIU UNIFORM. Also her beating people in hant-to-hand combat? It already looked good in Middle Don, but Liu would look even better. ALSO, this place needs more women. So you can add Ryoshu at the same time

2 - Seven Don - I just love Seven so much. I'm pretty sure they are my favorite team, 7Outis was my first three star ID. Rupture is the first status through which I tried to play, and I am using LobDon, but it would be so much better if we got 7Don. Also, they work with information and obtain it, and Don loves to learn new things. And she's pretty good at spying

3 - Diechi Don - Again her learning(and forgetting) stuff, but this time in gold aesthetic, which would suit her really, really well. Also, her beating people with her hands again would be cool. And a better Tremor ID would be really nice. And maybe she would get some interaction with Hong Lu finally?

4 - R Corp Don - I am not that into hype about R Corp team, so I kinda conflicted. I guess it would be nice to get her there, I am pretty sure, she would be Rabbit, but maybe they would give her Rhino?(yes RHeath has someone blonde, but we can't be sure if it would be Don or Sinclair) Not sure if their aesthetic would suit her that much

5 - Zwei Don - I don't care about Zwei, and to be honest, that is only Don's ID that I would be fine without ever being released. Like, I guess it suits her passion about justice, but...mhe. The fact that is confirmed to be a complete rookie alongside Sinclair kinda makes everything worse. But maybe they would give some timeskip?

[haveyoureadthisfanfic]

To the annon only logging 10k plus fics, you are so smart. I log everything. To be fair, I don't read much under 5k words, but it can indeed be tedious. At the same time, however, it make it easy if I want something familiar that I know I'll like that isn't in my bookmarks bc I can just filter by raiting (usual 4/5 stars) and fandom (whatever my hyperfixation is at said time) and then find one that is whatever size my little goblin brain is looking foe at that moment in time. Plus it's a little more accurate word count wise. That being said, I have most definitely consumed entire series comprised of interconnected one-shot stories in one sitting as if it was a chapter by chapter and then burned myself having to put them all in at the end... and yet I still do it again and again...

I love math, but you people take it to a whole new level

[shanxy180]

fuck it. we ball. [random thoughts on Chapter 2 of AHIT (a hat in time) "Battle of the Birds"]

So, I wonder how exactly Low are the standards?

Because it's established that the actors in dj grooves' and conductors movies? Theyre terrible, random people pulled from the streets to star in films, and somehow, despite that, they're considered like, top of the line. They're both competing for 1st place and getting only 2nd place at worse? And there *has* to be other bird directors on the planet, maybe other species of directors and yet these two remain the top place.

I think the moon penguins might be in a kind of mob?

Mostly running this off by how they dress, how they act, how they talk, and the fact that one of them admitted that they stole cruise tickets? Some of them threaten you but that might be a low bar. It's a theory, kinda, also hilarious to think that somehow DJ Grooves' dedicated fanbase consists of mafia gang members that protect him no matter what.

how does dj grooves run. I know in game he Glides or, Skates, but. Like does he have heelies in his shoes or what. If he does then that's terrifying and now I'm intimidated by his power.

I think these two both have Horrible sleep schedules due to juggling two jobs? Conductor is a director and. a train conductor, and dj grooves is a director and dj, these jobs have WILDLY different times to be active in, and also

can we talk about why they have multiple jobs? like, two jobs? and the pile of like, unpaid bills and paperwork- How's the pay when it comes to these films??? What's the royalty system, does it not pay good to produce and release Blockbuster movies that get decent to high raitings? Does there need to be a film union.

[magnificent-winged-beast]

Yo! If you enjoyed last night's episode of Gotham Knights. Please go to:

Give Misha your love in the form of stars and good raitings. Sadly, the big babies of DC (Aka grown up people that do not agree with X or Y in the DC universe, no matter how the thing was) are lowering the average raitings of the pilot.

Do it for the Mishushu

[popculturebuffet]

The Kablammiest Retrospective: KaBlam! Season 3 (Comission for Cory Bryant

Hey there kablamoids, wake your grammy as it's time once again for more Kablammy. I'm back on my Kablam retrospective for season 3 as I keep my heiner in the recliner. It also feels weird to be almost done with the series, with only one season and a bunch of fun odds and ends left before we turn the page on this retrospective.

Season 3 was a weird watch.. not in terms of content: Henry and June visiting Colonial Williamsburg, Sniz becoming a faith healer via a power washer, Lou Rawls singing about loving the action league, Loopy invites burping aliens to colonize earth, and Tod isn't struck down by god herself is pretty standard wacky nonsense for the show and I'm here for it.

It was a weird watch more because it both changed.. and stayed the same. Most of the founding shorts are still here and will be till the end next season and have largely settled into what they are. The end of the Off-Beats last season and the departure of Mike Brandon from Sniz and Fondue felt like they'd really change up the show.. but it really dosen't. Two new segments show up in their place, Jet Cat and Race Rabit, but both a only have two shorts each this season. There seemed to be no real intrest in replacing either short.

There's also only ONE pilot this season, something that'l lchange next season as from looking ahead, something i didn't do this time, the series does try more to fill the gap left by it's departing segments. In their place are some music videos with the zambonis, both good songs, but it feels like a Kablam that both knows what it is.. but also dosen't know what it's going to do with that extra space. IT seems to settle up more by next season as jet cat and race rabbit appear more often and more pilots set in to fill the void left by our faviorite ambigiously gay ferrets, but it's still a strange time for our faviorite cartoon cramaganza. So let's see how this season shakes out and how our faviorite segments do in this time of change.

Henry And June continues similarly to season 2, but there's a theme I only noticed as I sat down to write this; network interfernece. There's a lot of episodes where the show's format is changed due to the network deciding on some weird new trend or raitings stunt. Our heroes pivot to being an educational show, go to colonial willamsburg, deal with a writers strike. get sidelined when Mr Foot proves more popular, and deal with a pompus director from Saved by the Bell: The New Class.

It's a fun idea too.. and lowkey feels like venting as the shows star with the network was slowly falling due to them shuffling the show around randomly. As a result we get some true classics. We also get bits where Henry or June will have green or blue eyes , respectively, a nice little animation bit. Overall season 3 of Henry and June is fantastic and a nice new coat of paint ot an already stunning hot rod of a segment.

More Happiness Than Allowed By Law: Henry and June celebrate their birthday (and creaton by Mark Marek). Henry naturally beefs it by getting June nothing while she gets him a nice remote control car, forcing him to scramble for a new gift till he settles on a really nice mood ring. A decent segment, not much to say.

Money Train 2: This one is just a bunch of assorted segments, but said segments are gold. They try a fan of the month program to spotlight the fans.. only to get a convict, Henry pretneiously explains why we need villians, the two do some mountain climbing and eventually ask

And the two try to guess the mystery celebrity but end up pissing off Ben Franklin instead. This is also easily one of my favioroite back covers, which tend ot tie into the story more this season, as after June guesses the mystery guy is wesley snipes, we get a hypothetical money train sequel with him and ben franklin. In a time of ip revivals great , small and sometimes really fucking weird please whoever owns money train.. give us this sequel.

Your Logo Here: KaBlam! goes educational by network mandate, leading to a fun educational tv spoof as our heroes try to turn this very much non educational show into one and also grapple with Ed the Educational otter, the first otter i've wanted to punch in the face. Ed is smiley, takes the duos antics not very well and even tears up a comic book when talking about the joys of reading. Despite the fact comics are fucking rad and their in one. Naturally he ends up getting beaten up as he should for being an uptight dick. Still it's a fun tounge in cheek adventure and one of my faviorites of the season.

Holdeth the Pickle, Holdeth the Lettuce: Another favorite, this one has our hosts doing the show from Coloneal Williamsburg. Why?

The sheer nonsense of the idea coupled with our heroes growing frustration with how the actors WILL NOT break character even when they need power or an interview, cumilating in our heroes taking a swim only to get put in stocks... it's great stuff.

It's All in the Wrist: Another random segmetns episode and this one... isn't as fun outside of the end one where they make a kablam arcade game tha'ts just henry getting hit by things and June's reaction to this not reflecting the show.. is to have mr foot drop thigns on him. Honestly feels closer to their season 1 characterizations.

Year Round Fun: The KaBlam! writers go on strike and I wish i'd knew about this one when we did our writer's strike special last year as it shows WHY shows need writers as our heroes slowly break down without them, and has a fun ending as our heroes offer them to turn the page in good faith, but it's not in their contract. A really stellar episode.

The New Class: My faviroite of the season and it's not an easy choice, but the concept is once again nicely bonkers and meta: our heroes get a new director, the pretentious Glen R Dilworth, probably a gentle poke at Courage the Cowardly Dog creator and Sniz and Fondue pilot director John R Dilworth.

Glen.. is fantastic. He's a pretentious director.. whose previous credit was saved by the bell the new class, which he treats as high art, particularly hyping up Screech. Just the fact someone was this far up dustin diamonds ass is glorious, as is the specific reference. It's extra juicy as for some weird reason.. NBC is not streaming the new class. And it's not a rights issue as the new class DID show up their website apparently before everything was converted to peacock, so I have no idea why they buried this thing. I mean it could be terrible but i'd still at least watch some of it to complete the trinity.

While i've seen this character type before it works really well here, with Glenn's acting exercises, constant interuptions of the show and Henry beating him with a screech impression, luring him outside so mr foot can put glen in the trunk of his car.. and.... okay....

People Henry Has Had Killed Counter: 1

Great for Paper Traning: June brings a dog to set. It dosen't go well. You've seen this plot before and done better. Next

You'll Love Our Selection: KaBlam! installs an audience enjoyment meter o rama thing and it rates our heroes high.. but mr foot thorugh the fucking roof. So the show pivots to focusing on mr foot who rises to the occasion, while Henry and June struggle on the sidelines. The weird mr footcentric verison of the show is great as is his movie... i'ts the best use of the foot man so far and a nice break from him just mauling people or reading something. It's a fine gag but they've done it a LOT and you get.. numb to it after a while.

You May Already Be A KaBlammer: June hires an expy of Ed McMahon to be her sidekick and Henry is insecure the guy dosen't find him funny and tries a bunch of stuff to be funny.. then his mom shows up. It's a fun runner and the guest guy is genuinely hilaroius even if you don't ENTIRELY scope the refrence.. which i only.. half do. Like I've seen ed mcchamon once or twice and listend to the weird al yankovic song "Here's Johnny", but i'm not really up on late night with Johnny Carson and likely never will be and i'm happy with that. I know just enough for homages and that's fine by me.

KaFun!: A grab bag to close out the season and a really strong one for a change. My faviorite bits are JUne being disapointed she dosen't need deoderant so henry fakes she needs some to feel more mature, which just feels genuinely sweet , and the ending where it turns out Henry's on japanese knockoff Ka-Fun!.. which i'd love to see, paticuarlly prometheus and yoshi. I am a bit annoyed they didn't call it a manga and while I get the term wasn't as widespread as it is NOW it was something they probably coudl've looked up. Not easily but still.

For what's sadly the last time. And I went into these expecting them to be terrible... I mean the creator left and these wer emade without him because they still owned the IP. Normally that situation.. dosen't make great art.

And while Sniz and Fondue: The Final Chapters isn't amazing, it has one of the series best episodes tucked away and the others are decent. I was expecting a trainwreck and what I got was mostly

Nothing truly horrible, but only one of them really felt outstanding and bonkers. Brandon was right in that they coudln't quite get the dialouge down, as the characters talk with less weirdly specific slang and we don't get as much waxing lyrical, with only the fourth short doing it. the personality's faded out a bit thanks to Brandon leaving and you can tell. It dosen't have Season 2's clear sense of exaustion, which IS a plus, but it dosen't really have the soul of the series. Sometims a series CAN go on without a creator, and sometims it has to because that creator's a sex monster. Sometimes a work can be revivied with a fresh voice. But in this case, at least at the time Sniz and Fondue simply coudln't work without Brandon.

It's a shame the series ends with kind of a dull thud. I loved these shorts and their 90's style and wish Brandon was more determined to actually.. do something with them again. or nick but let's face it nick's genuine atittude these days tends to be

So I have no real hope of a revivial of Sniz and Fondue or KaBlam as a whole.. but I can dream can't i?

Solitare Confinment: The setup for this one is good. Fondue gets a computer... says he got it from some guy who came down from space. Had some issues with it

Fondue however gets addicted to solitare, and hides that he is from Sniz. From there.. the episodes decent but i've seen enough gaming addiction episodes to have seen better. The big with a burglar robbing them because Fondue's too distracted and telling themn "I'll call the police.. after one more hand" is fantastic though. The ending with Sniz as a computer is also sweet. Together they'd create Baltaro.

Penny-Ante Vigilantes: This is just the Ed-Touchables but not as good. Or, to use an episode that aired before this one, Homer the Vigilante but not as good. Either would be a better time than this which is just... bland, and while the twist was sufficently twisty, it's really not tha tfunny and Fondue didn't quite go far enough to justify his getting beaten by a big unruly mob. Also fondue got beaten up by a big unruly mob.

Hosed!: So you know how i've been saying there was one exception to the seasons blandness? Well snap me down, here it is. It's such a goofy, glorious concept I can't help but love it. Okay so a random burglar man steals some wheel chairs, using one to escape. Sniz is testing the new power washer fondue got him and accidently sprays the guy.. then Fondue assumes the guy was healed because he got up and walked. So our heroes.. become faith healers.. using a high pressure hose. It's such a bonkers premise I love it so much. It was a sign that MAYBE they coudl've kept going, as it has that same creativity and singularly weird brain the Brandon shorts did. Naturally they once again get chased by a big unruly mob.

Big Unruly Mob Count: 2

The Great Chilli Cookoff: Our final short and it's.. okay. It's a "our heroes compete" episode, this time for a ride in a fire truck which after binging enough Chicago Fire to consume a planet, I get it. But it's your pretty standard compettion episode.. albeit the heartwarming resolution to join chillis burns down a fire house

So at least the series ends fittingly. Also the fire house was having a cook off at all because their antics destroyed the last one. I gesture you to the adorable puppies above.

So that ends our time with these boys.. and i'm really sad to see them go. While Seasons 2 and 3 had issues... I still loved these characters and it's one of the prototypical "two dudes get into shenaigans show" Sniz and Fondue walked so Regular Show Could run and Close Enough could fly. And for that .. i'll always be greatful.

Action League Now Season 3 is excellent. I prefer Season 2 slightly more, but Season 3 is still top notch and hilarious, keeping the league as unlikeable idiots so the slapstick works better, keeping it creative with the settings, and keeping it fresh. There's not much new here and having watched mass quantities of Bluey recently, I can tell you I prefer when a show evolves.. but sometimes it dosen't really need to. This show is simple, stupid fun and it's all it wants to be, and it's gotten good at it. After seasons 2 and 3, i'm gonna love the league.

Flippers of Fury: In a very obvious GI JOe parody, which fits perfectly given Stinky is very obviously an old gi joe figure rekitted, Stinky must face his old ninja rival the red ninja with the help of Master Pu. This segment is pretty good.. admitely it has a decent amount of 90's "we saw a kung fu film once" type asian sterotyping with master pu, a very white guy is voicing him very badly, but otherwise stinky's training, how he wins just by using his plunger and the spot on parody of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow help compensate. A solid start.

Rags to Riches: The Mayor Unleashes a mummy's curse. I could really end it there, but the fac tit gets unleashed on the Chief, who doubts it at first is great. A decent episode if only for having a mummy's curse. I'm a sucker for a mummy's curse i've just seen it done better. And I say that a LOTTT IN THESE reviews.. but i've been watching cartoons for most of my life, never really dropped off them as a teen like most kids, and thus i've seen a LOT of these plots and both Courage the Cowardly Dog and Aqua Teen simply did a mummy's curse slightly better. That being said neither has the Mayor trying to sell said cursed items on a home shopping network, so this episode still slaps, so it's not like say "Penny Ante Vigilantes" where ther'es zero reason to watch it. It's still good, other stuff's just better.

Melty Dearest: Meltman becomes mom to a giant spider. It's funnier than it has any right to be and ends with meltman getting cocooned by a giant spider and I love the spiders googly eyed design so ... decent.

Tears of A Clone: If I had a nickle for every episode of an animated show i'd seen with this title i'd have two nickles.. which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice. This episode is a LOT of fun though as Bill the Lab Guy gets into cloning. The Mayor understandably orders it shut down: No clone saga's or inferno's in this lab.. but that's AFTER the league bumbles into it. So we get 5 or so of each league member all failing to do anything right and getting some of them killed and it's glorious. I also love the mayors scheme, stealing fine china.. whcih naturally, like most of the clones, ends up over a cliff. I do love when they toss shit over a cliff, it has a gravitas the other stunts sometimes don't. I mean they had to clean that shit up, and it was so worth it. I also like the solution: the mayor clones himself. And now he has 5 beautiful kidneys. he feels freaking amazing.

Art of Thunder: The Mayor steals a valuable bit of art by timmy, a 5 year old boy and that alone is great. I love these little bits of world buildindg, seeing how the action figures use the human world house. Naturally the league destorys it. A decent episode.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen: We find out WHY Stinky is such an asshole: it turns out in the war his own mother sold him out. He bonds with a real life dog named smelly, whose a good boy yes he is... btu was trained by the worst boy, the mayor so he tears up the league like dogs do and Stinky has to be saved by his tratirous mom. This episode is redicluous, shockingly heartfelt and a lot of fun. It's not the first time they did dog shenanigans but it's honestly even more fun than the dog as godzilla thing. I've seen that. I haven't seen an action figure try to emtooinally heal using a dog that turns out to be used by evil.

A Star Is Torn: The Mayor pretends to be a film maker to trap thundergirl. What I like abotu this one is Meltman spots the obvious issues.. btu Thundergirl is absorbed in the ego despite loosing everal limbs.. and the others are her agents. Seeing Flesh and Stinky talk alike hollywood agents in thier goofy voices just works for me. What can I say. Another solid one.

Melty's Girl: My faviorite of the season. Meltman got a girlfirend.. I and I expected this to turn into a "she's using him for the fame" or "she's secretly evil' plot as is standard. Instead.. she's just genuinely supportive and likes him

So the problem is that... Meltman really isn't WORTH IT. She thinks he can do better than just gathering the coffee, sets him up with his own office and even gives him a flashy new costume as dr melt

I just love this idea of someone being just.. generally dogshit at superheroing and having a super supportive partner who instead tries to hype them up. It's a concept i'l lhave to file away as it could be really good on it's own and it's grea there as Meltman only succeeds by accident and breaks up with his girlfriend.. not because she's bad but simply because she believes in this idiot and this idiot cannot live up to that.

Roughing the Passer: It's the all star game and the Mayor wants to quaterback but isn't being brought in as not only does the coach already have several all star ones, but the mayor also sucks suprising no one. So naturally his counterplan is "murder them all and then get to be put in coach", while the league TREIS to help but naturally does a few accidental murders itself. A fun episode and the mayor even gets his dream by becooming the ball... it's a fun one even if I don't recognize a single person because I don't follow sportsball.

Hit of Horror: Hodge Podge returns and he's started to wear on me as his only gimmick is having a dumb voice nad calling them action jerks and we don't see as much of him. He brainwashes the public to attack the league and their stupid enoguh to go out to a parade. Thankfully Bill the Lab guy has an antidote: LOU MOTHERFUCKING RAWLS. Who we're going to be talking about a LOT on this blog this year.

For those who dont know him

Secondly he's an r an db singer from the 60's and 70's. He was on the muppets, has the voice of an angel and I found out about him when I gorged on the garfield specials as a teen, as he performs an opening song for all but one of them. And their all fucking bangers. Every last one. The man is a legend so him singing a rendtiion of his classic "you'll never find" that says "your gonna love the league" instead of miss my lovin is fun. It's also fun just to see little action figure lou rawls. This episode is lou rawls out of lou rawls.

And Justice For None: The weakest episode of the season and naturally the last... it's a clip show trial episode. They win because the judges naturally get crushed. While Henry and June lampshade it being a clip show that.. isn't enough to save it. A weak ending to a great season.

Same as it ever was really. I'm not a huge fan of these shorts, zoned out a lot and still respect the hell out of them. Their gorgeous to look at they just aren't for me. I can respect however that, intetinoally or not they are a good allegory for colonalism. Yes.. really.

Stay with me: Prometheus tries to "edcuate the savage" but a lot of the things he's trying to force on bob.. are things he either dosenj't need or want. Bob seems entirely fine as is despite having less technological advances than his tall friendo, but Prometheus tries to force new stuff on him anyway rather than introduce what would be benficial (such as a couch or clothing) slowly. Blend it with his cave culture instead of just trying to replace it.

Hammock: Some fun hyjinks. I didn't say I was ambivilant about ALL of them

Ball: I forgot this one happened. I said all of them not "most of them"

Birthday: this one is REALLY fun as Prometheus forgets that most caveman see fire as bad when he lights Bob's birthday cake on fire.

Toilet:... how did I forget this one?

Treehouse: It's bart's birthday and everyone's having fun, but Homer realizes he forgot a present, so he goes to the shop of an asian sterotype who sells forbidden objects from where many fear to tred, and also frozen yogurt which he calls frogurt. He gives him a krusty doll but warns him it's cursed. That's bad. but it comes with a free frogurt. that's good. the frogurt is also cursed. That's bad. But you get your choice of topping. That's good. The toppings contain potassum benzoate. That's bad. Can I go now?

Bed: Bob tries to sleep on a bed. Shenanigans insue

Robot: Finally one I liked. Promethus makes a robot of himself but it goes haywire and ends up making a bob. They run off to reno and get married. Good for them.

Arctic: ICE FLOW NOWHERE TO GO ICE FLOW NOWHERE TO GO LOST IN THE BLINDING WHITENESS OF THE TUNDRA

Laundry: I have too much of it

Glue: GLUE GLUE GLUE GLUE GLUE GLUE.

I'm happy to say Life with Loopy made a comeback. Season 2 wasn't bad.. but it wasn't as consitantly fun or imaginative as season 1. Still amazingly crafted.

Season 3 on the other hand takes the series to new heights with a fun season of wacky nonsense. The concepts here are pitch perfect and capture the series premise well again: take something a kid would misunderstand or go through, and have whatever their mind could cook up play out instead of the more mundane solution. We've got burping aliens, mom being part of a secret government project, clones, ducks, bulls in china shops, dog prisons and the revelation Loopy's into aliens and also bi, neither of which suprises me. Loopy is the best of the recurring segments this season and it's not even close, and it's fun to see the show at full throttle. Like with Sniz and Fondue I think some exaustion was seeping in, and the break to make more segments worked out like gangbusters. It's why while I may not like long hiatuses, I can undrestand them as it means the show comes back a swining and loopy certainly swung

Send in the Clones: Those laughy daffy clones. Okay simpsons refrence aside this was a very good start to the season with a very relatable problem: Loopy wants to play with her dad, but he's so busy with the 80 dozen things he has to do. I love how the two have a genuinely close and caring relationship.

So her solution is to clone him a bunch. this goes poorly as not only is he TOO present now, she gets no privacy, but turning the washer into a cloning machine means their mom's nearly gone insane from doing laundry by hand. Her solution is to simply make too many loopys.. and yes that's the exact same one the action league later used.. but hey it works as the reason WHY it works is diffrent: for the action league chief simply wasn't able to corral the dumbasses alone, while with Loopy it simply overwhelmed her dad's into non existantance by asking all the questions that drive parents insane. Granted we're left with a lotta loopys but I assume they formed a colony on the moon after loopy lassoed it again. A great start

Big Burp Theory: Loopy burps and aliens come down to colonize the planet as a result of speaking their language

It's still not bad at all, and the solution of Larry solving things by farting, thus offending them, while I could see it coming.. is still a pretty good fart joke. Not amazing, but still decent.

Secret Agent Mom: This one is a LOT of fun: So once a month Mom plans a fishing trip for Dad and the Kids, but Loopy wonders what she does. She claims she's cleaning out the basement and she kind of is.. but it turns out mom's a secret agent for the government. Her mission though is what makes the episode: turns out there's an alien in the family basement, and he was SUPPOSED to share his secrets with them. Instead he sat around and ate a lot, sort of like what I do between reviews. And during them. I may relate to this guy just a bit too much. So it's time to send him home. I also like that once Loopy finds out mom tries a half assed denial... and then just lets her ride shotgun. It again speaks to how much Loopy's parents love her and encourge her weird shit. Hell loopy saves the whole mission by helping the guy exercsie as they didn't adjust his craft for his belly buddy. I call mine fred. So Loopy helps him get buff, they get him home, and no one wille ve rknow an alien was in the basement and probably farted it up a bunch

Loopy and the Snow Lady: This one is touching. It's tale as old as time: Loopy makes a snow lady, she comes to life but OH NO THE HEAT WILL KILL HER. Loopy does keeper her alive a while btu eventually dad wants the freezer space back. No really he wants to kill a sapient being to store steaks. JUST GET ANOTHER FREEZER FOR THE WOMAN MADE OF SNOW DADDD.

Instead Loopy plans to take her to winter world, but has to deal with snow lady getting sidetracked and enjoying the warm world. She's seeing the world AND she got the beach. She got it all. They do get her there in time though and loopy joins her as their latest attraction. Awwww.

Goin South: Another fantastic episode in a row as Loopy runs into a canadian duck trying to go south for the winter, eh, but he can't fly so Loopy agrees to help her new friend. What's nice is he finds a new home too, as they end up in the south pole with a bunch of pengies. The pengies gladly accept their new duck friend and it's a touching, funny ending for all.

Sweet Dreams; Larry keeps having a very boring recurring dream, so to help him Loopy does an inception. I really love the reason WHY the dream is looping: the guys in charge can't think of anything so they put him in reruns. It's such a hilariously petty and mundane solution and Loopy crashing it and accidnetly unchaning his nightmares allows him to be the hero and save her, and gives the guyzos plenty of new material. Now Larry's dreams will run for years and years to come.

Fang Fairy: This one's really fucking weird and I love it. As Larry refuses to get dental surgery, Loopy hears a joke about the fang fairy and takes it seriously leaving some fake teeth to proove she's right. She is but the fang fairy's a real dick about it and makes her a relcutant werwolf. Her family's response is to runaway despite having seen weirder shit at this point, so she finds out she's his first client in centuries nad he get sa job as Larry's dentist, presumibly scarring him for life

Bull In A China Shop: This one is really fun and as a clumsy kid myself painfully relatable: Loopy keeps breaking shit so she goes to a china shop to train herself not to.. and meets THE bull in a china shop who not only runs it but runs a support group for it, helping loopy and some others. While this would be more than enough what I like is tha tat graduation the three accidnetly break more stuff.. and the bull feels liberated, realizing that while it's one thing to be mindful, hating yourself for simply being a tad clumsy even when your trying.. isn't healthy. Granted the solution of leather knick knacks isn't really WORKABLE but like this message: sometimes your just clumsy and tha'ts okay.

Whale of A Time: One of the season's weaker episodes but it does have our heroes getting eaten by a whale. The Wedon'tknowtheirlastnamejustgowithit family is on vacation with something for everybody!.. except larry whose intended activity, the charlie chicken summer spectacular, is canceled. Turns out they were eaten by a whale and found a ton of treasure, so our heroes trick them into remembering it's for the craft, not the money. It's okay though the whale does look pretty damn cool. The puppets on this show are always so dang impressive.

In the Doghouse: Loopy goes to retrevie a ball from the neighborhood dog... whose running a prison camp and holds her, a boyscout and a mole against their will

Thankfully she helps them escape and helps the dog see that maybe playing is more healthy than a home prison.. granted anything is more healthy than that but still, baby steps.

Larry's Girl: one of my faviorites this season. I love a good dance episode and Larry needs a date... however he's also too "teenage boy" to consider his standards are too high. So Loopy goes to a dating service ran by cupid, whose giving computer dating a shot. He pulls up a tentacle alien and while Loopy's intrested, she knows Larry isn't into tentacle monsters. So instead she gets a girl that's TOO cool for schoool.. and for charlie chicken. Thankfully loopy trying to use the old arrow bit finds him a girl who is down with the chicken, and yes that's the term they use. THeir going to get high and watch charlie chicken and that my friends is true love.

Jetcat is based on a series of comic stories by Jay Stephens, as part of his comic strip oddville then as part of a dark horse anthology. He pitched four shorts based on it to nick, sold them all, and thus we get JetCat, a new segment for KaBlam!. I won't be reviewing the comics for the odds and ends as I ... didn't think of that when I set tha tup, but I wouldn't be opposed to doing it someday.

Jetcat is decent: I love the reason for the name as young Melaine Mcay flies like a jet and is fast as a cat and the costume slaps. The action is decent and it's goot a nice cartoony feel

It's problem for these two segments.. is Mealine's best friend Tod. The first ep covers him finding out she's jet cat which could've been neat as he's genuinely hurt, especially since she makes a bit dael out of "best friends telling each other everything". The problem is it then gets ruined by tod being a giant sized shit in a tiny body, demanding she get him shit and milking her guilt. He gets beat up by a robot for his hubris but it dosen't feel like enough nor like he really learned his lesson

The reason for this is the next short. I could've forgiven him for falling a bit into his vices once or twice or in diffrent ways.. but no the next short he once again tries to take advantage of being a superheroes best friend. And look wanting some of the perks with that fine. You want them to take you to another country to get pizza or take you flying or just bring you some cool shit from saturn if they happen to be by there fine. But Tod just geninely seems to think he's entitled to get shit from mealine because his friend's a superhero, asking abotu her secrets for a book report, not getting that might leave her a wee bit dead if her enemies read it. Why her enemies would be reading an elementary school report, I don't know, but given how many arch enemies tend ot be a person the hero knows, it's a risk she shoudln't take so Tod can get a d+.

So the smug shit instead wants to interview a supervillian out of spite and nearly dies for it.. yet I don't feel bad as he glosses over the guys genuinely tragic past just wanting death rays and shit. I mean I like death rays and shit as much as the next guy. Tod once again nearly dies for his sins... .which sadly is just "nearly" but i'll take it. So two decent shorts held back by one of the worst sidekicks i've seen in a superhero work. To the point.. he goes in the hall.

Welcome home you little shit goblin. So to explain this to both new readers and to cory, the hall of aggrivation is where I put characters who for one reason or another, really boil my ass. The most obnoxious shit heads imaginable. And specific verisons too for those who cross franchise lines, as the sins of one version aren't vistied upon another. For those curious whose who

Row 1: Julie Powers (Scott Pilgrim (Comics), Helen Lovejoy (The simpsons), Billy Butcher (The Boys (comics), Bernice (Luann), Daisy Duck (Legend of the Three Cablleros)

Row 2: Mindy's Mom (Animaniacs), Peepers (Sam and Max Telltale Games), Whizzer (See Peepers), Roger (Miraculous Ladybug), Yivo (Futurama)

Row 3: That Idiot What Opened UP the Necrionicon despite ash writing warnings in blood (Evil Dead), the Stone Head of Abe Lincoln (Sam and Max Telltale), Prowl (Transformers IDW Comics (First Continuity), Steph (Luann), Tweety Bird (Looney Tunes) Row 4: Todd (Jetcat), Henry Peter Gyrinch (Marvel Comics), The Two Shitheads from Biodome, Havok (Marvel Comics), The Batman Who Laughs (Dc Comics)

Now we're all caught up onto

I REALLY liked Race Rabbit. RR comes to use from Scott Fellows, who would go on to make my beloved tweenhood faviorite Ned's Declassified School Surivival Guide.. which I REALLY gotta cover sometime. Someday... for now though he made these shorts, one of Kablams few live action segmetns and it's only recurring one.

The formula is simple: Race Rabbit is a world class Racer, and also a really good guy who stops every episode to help some person in need, which his super chip/ai max never takes well. The series is weridly british and fun as Race races to both do his good deed for the day on time, from helping get teeth from the queen herself to a young boy to helping deliver baby food, and to outrace the Boolies, two "inbreed bulies from the upercrust" who wantj to catch him and stuff him but their way too slow. Race Rabbit is fun fast paced and lovingly nonsense, and the boolie sare dleightfully hammy. I love their second defeat especailly as the ypretend ot be a moose in the road.. and Race, having equipment to detect them, sees through it, drives on by.. and lets a car that specifically says "i break for no one" ram the bastard. Well one of them the other is trying to catch him. At any rate only two shorts this year but a LOT of fun

Like I said there wasnt a ton of Suprising Shorts, scaling back to the four or five of season 1. There's also almost no pilots this time: Patchead returns, we get some music videos and we get one pilot at the very end of the season. We do get new recurring-ish segments with Jet Cat and Race Rabbit, so I get WHY this was scaled back, I just miss it: some of my faviorite shorts in seasons 1 and 2 were these one off experiments and even the ones I wasn't super over the moon on like the Brothers Tiki were still a lot of fun to look at. Part of what makes KaBlam! special is it feels like indie animation given a platform at a time where that simply didn't happen and part of that is various one off shorts, creative little bits from directors you really DON'T see often on kids shows outside of pilot showcases like Oh Yeah Cartoons! or What a Cartoon. I appricate it even more now with the current indie animation boom: Nowadays shows like Helluva Boss, The Amazing digtial Circus, Orion and the Stars and more can just.. go straight to series or share the pilot to see intrest instead of having to go thorugh hoops. It makes me appricate how much harder these animators had it and what a wonderful platform this was.

What we have though is good so let's get to it shall we.

Untalkative Bunny: I forgot this one in the original posting of the review. Stupid me. It's a decent short as a bunny makes reactoins to a telemarketer. It's fun, ther'es just not a lot to it and it's easy to see why this one might've slipped, but I still fee bad as the animatoin si gorgeous. It would understandably get a full series and i'd be happy to watch it some day.

PatchHead: Demolition Mission: Apparently these shorts had most of the voice rerecorded for these versions. Something I forgot to point out last time. Anyway Patchead's at the races today and Torque Dipstick is the faviorite to win. I also like his weird plastic lantern jaw. it's great. What isn't.. is that he has a confederate flag on the back.

This dosen't necessarily mean Torque was present on January 7th, as lots of people just used that flag without thinking "Gee this was fighting for slavery, maybe I shoudln't put this on my nitro burning funny car vroom vroom. " I mean the web comic PvP frequently used the general lee from the dukes of hazzard as a gag in the 2000s.

Fun Fact: I had this issue once.

We just.. thought of it as a relic and not a relic of racisim. White dumbasses tend to do that.

Trying to stop Torque is Crash Kudzu. Yes folks to my most plesant suprise Nick Offerman has returned to KaBlam!

I don't know if he's in the other patchhead shorts, but one can hope. Either way it's just.. such a joy to see Nick Offerman on my blog. I hadn't realized just HOW little i've got to cover anything with him till we got to Patchead these last two times.

Kudzu is once again up to cheating shenanigans, this time sabotaging Torques car. SO Patchhead naturally JUMPS ON THE FUCKING THING, then repairs it in mid run like he was that kid from speed racer as Torque uses various dick dastardly inventions on his nitro burning funny car vroom vroom to combat them. It's just fun to see and the early cg holds up decently. It's not exaclty convincing, but the sureealness of the patchhead shorts means it fits it in fine. Our heroes win, and Torque credits patchhead for his help and gives him a helmet for his helmet.

Pizza Rocket and Hockey Monkey: These are two music videos each animated by Mark Marek but each for a diffrent indie rock band.

The first is PIzza Rocket by James Kolchaka. The name SOUNDED familiar but I couldn't place it till I looked him up. Turns out Kolchalka is an indie comics artist, writing Johnny Boo a series i've never read but have seen before. He's done a lot of anthology work and is also a prolific musican, having a ton of albums.

Pizza Rocket is a decent song. Not really my forte, but I get why this man is popular. The animation is decent, it's just again for a song that's not my thing.

Hockey Monkey on the other hand.. is magical. It's from the Zamboni's a band I also didn't know existed, but is truly magical. Their a band that entirely plays hockey based songs. That's it. that's their gimmick. And having gotten a love of Hockey from watching Letterkenny and Shorsey, i'm entirely on board with this. Kolchaka also cowrote Hockey Monkey so good for him. Their also still around and I hope thier stuff can be featured on Shorsey one day. I mean it fits Jared Kesso's style: the music used is mostly techno or rap, but he can vary it up, as evidecned by this brawl set to born to be alive. You probably didn't know that existed but your very welcome.

So Hockey Monkey is a deeply wholsome deeply fun song about how all the scientests and national guard are running around looking for the monkey but he can't be found because he's down by the pond playing hockey with the kids, and all the parents and teachers are running around looking for the children but they can't be found because their down by the pond playing hockey with the kids. And it's 123 the kids love the monkey and 456 the monkey's got a hockey stick and 789 having a good time yeahhhhhhh.

As you can tell I REALLY love this , and the video itself is fun, using black and white live action bits for the people running around and nicely minimalist animation for the kids nad the monkey. it's REALLY fun and wholesome. Great stuff.

It's time for our third Kablammy awards! ANd i've realized I SHOULD have been giving out an award for best overall episode, but since it'd be weird to bring that in halfway I thought of a compromise. I'm going to do ONE FINAL kablammy awards at the end of all of this in the odds and end episode for best overall shorts from each one. That'll include best episode for each season and overall best episode of the series. Onto the awards

Best Henry and June: the New Class. I have a big soft spot for saved by the bell, another thing I should've covered by now but haven't somehow, sot his was an easy win.

Best Sniz and Fondue Short: Hosed. It's not even close. You faith heal with a pressure hose and tell me you can do better. You can't.

Best Action League Now! Short: Melty's Girl. I didn't really hide how much I loved this one, and that's for good reason. The Dr Melt costume is hilaroius and the idea of trying to prop up someone as pathetic as Meltman as a solo hero is hilaroius to me. And keep in mind I LOVE me a b list superhero, I think any superhero can be great in the right hands.. but meltman in this context is the worst and this epsiode only backs that up.

Best Life with Loopy Short: This was a tough one as this season was REALLY good.. but my pick is Bull in a China Shop. Larry's Girl was cloes as I love a good school dance and a godo dating service.. but I just like the bull himself, from his upperclass voice to the aseop he teaches and the china shop just looks neat.

Best Startling Short (Includes Jetcat and Race Rabbit): Hockey Monkey. I mean Patchhead is once again close, it has Nick Offerman.. but that song is just too dang catchy.

Best Overall Short: Hosed. It's just.. so delightfully stupid and while it's not the last aired sniz and fondue short, it was the last produced and feels like a proper sendoff.

And with that we're done with season 3. It was a good ride and we have another at the start of may as we reach the END of KaBlam! (if not this retrospective) with season 4. Will it stick the landing? Will I survivie without sniz and fondue? Let's find out next time.

[sapphic-joan]

Title: The First

Raiting: M

Summary: A series of firsts if Blitzo and Stolas kept in contact past their childhood meeting in S2 Ep1.

Preview:

They were eighteen. It’s the night before his wedding.

His soon-to-be wife is out having a bachelorette party with her friends at a bar or something of the like. No doubt spending their time berating and insulting her soon-to-be husband.

Poor her to be stuck with such a weak little man with all the power in the world and nothing to show for it. Poor her, to be wed to a man that could never come out from his father’s shadow. Poor her to marry a man that has no ambition, no aspirations, and nothing to achieve. Poor her, to marry a man such as him.

He stands on his balcony alone - watching the cruel stars ruefully. In all their prophecies, all their plans, they couldn’t allow their most devoted servant even a fleeting chance at happiness. He’s doomed to an unhappy marriage devoid of passion, companionship, and love.

He chucks the drink in his hand as hard as he could. Watching it disappear in the night sky. . .

“Quite an arm there Stols.”

Stolas snaps his neck towards the sudden speaker. He is suddenly coughing, sputtering, tripping - just generally making a fool out of himself.

Blitzo’s sitting on the balcony railing looking at him with hands raised in the air.

“Hey, hey! Easy!” But there’s laughter in his voice as he watches Stolas move clumsily about.

He coughs even harder, putting a hand to his chest to ease his increased heart rate.

“Fuck, Satan, calm down it’s just me.”

Stolas clears his throat and tries to regain his composure but struggles to, admittingly.

“Blitzo! Aha! W-what are you doing here?”

The man in question lowers his hands and shrugs. “You’re getting married tomorrow.”

Stolas’s surprise fades quickly at the reminder, replaced by a sharp tightness in his chest. He sighs and wraps his arms around himself.

“Yes. . .I am.”

“I heard she’s pretty.”

Stolas laughs softly.

“Well. . . I suppose so.”

The night is calm. Warm, with fireflies all around them, crickets chirping merrily in the distance. The moon - bright and beautiful above them.

“Excited?”

Stolas shakes his head. “Nervous.”

“Nervous? What are you nervous for?”

His responsibilities as a husband, making his family name proud, failing them tomorrow somehow. Saying his vows without breaking down, kissing her. Spending the rest of his life with her.

Being in another cage.

But he shouldn't tell him that. He can’t.

“. . .T-The dancing tomorrow. What if I make a fool of myself?”

“In all your royal nerd studies, they didn’t teach you how to dance?”

“Briefly, but I am afraid I have two left feet when it comes to these things.”

Blitzo hums, kicking his feet.

“You are pretty fucking clumsy.”

“. . .Thank you Blitzo.”

“You’re welcome.”

But suddenly Blitzo lights up, holds a pointer finger up towards him, and rushes inside his room - closing the door behind him. For only a few seconds he hears various crashing sounds, glass breaking, and. . . Is that a cat screeching? Odd, he doesn’t own a cat. . .

He returns with a record player and a record, setting it down near the door. He places the disc on top and moves the needle to the start of the groove. It kicks to life and plays an upbeat, fast little tune. He spins around and stretches his arm out towards him.

“Let’s dance.”

“H-here? But, but?”

“Gotta practice Stols! Last minute studying!”

Stolas laughs, heart full of joy for the first time that night. He looks at Blitzo’s charming smile and the comforting glow of his eyes. His handsome face. . .

“. . .Okay.”

He reaches his hand out to accept Blitzo’s. As soon as he does, he is yanked towards him. Immediately led into a quick pace keeping up with the tempo of the song. He is dipped, spun, and almost falls over Blitzo several times. Their height difference isn’t very ideal for this at all.

Stolas has never been so happy in his entire life.

“I don’t remember owning this record!”

“It’s one of mine!”

“Blitzo! What did I say about you hoarding things inside my house?”

“What! I got rid of a lot of it! I used to have an entire boombox in there instead of your grandpa stereo here!”

“It’s a classic!”

“Which translates to ‘old as shit’!

“We are the same age!”

“Yeah exactly, so you have no excuse!”

Stolas laughs. He laughs again and again and again. Wishing this moment never ends. Wishing for tomorrow to never come.

The song finishes and the next one begins. Then the next one, then the next one, then the next. And they dance through it all. Movements without rhythm or sense, but that’s okay. More than okay, it’s perfect.

When the needle reaches the end of the groove, they are left standing there - doubled over and panting heavily.

“I don’t- I don’t think - ha - that is the type of dance I’ll need for tomorrow.”

“The type of. . . of dancing they do at weddings are l-lame as fuck anyway.”

“But it’s what - what is expected of me.”

“Just don’t do what's expected of you.”

“I - I have to.”

“. . .Fine.”

Suddenly Blitzo runs up to the balcony and uses it as a springboard for a jump, landing right into his arms. Stolas struggles to catch him but manages to do so without hurting the silly imp imp his arms. He holds him tightly to his chest. Blitzo’s chin rests on his shoulder; he wraps his arms and legs around him making him blush.

“B-Blitzo?”

“Put on a slow song.”

“. . .Okay.”

Stolas snaps his fingers and the record starts up again. It’s a little tricky transforming the songs on the record with his magic but he manages.

The first song is slow, a steady and lovely little piano piece that better matches the energy of their environment.

Stolas begins to sway them slightly. Spinning them around in slow, easy circles. He leans his head on one of Blitzo’s horns and closes his eyes.

“See? Now you’ll know how to lead.”

“It’s easier when there are no one else's feet on the ground.”

‘It’s easier when it’s you.’ He thinks quietly to himself.

“Same difference.”

They stay like that for a little while in easy silence. Stolas holds Blitzo to his chest with Blitzo hanging onto him.

They fit comfortably, perfectly, so, so right.

“Is there. . . anything else you are nervous about?”

The sound of his voice next to his ear sends a warmth throughout his body. He tightens his arms around him a little bit more.

“I. . .”

“You can tell me.”

Stolas opens his eyes and sighs. He glances up at the stars.

“I. . . All of it. The wedding, my future, what is expected of me, the pressure of it all is almost too much to bear.”

“Hmm.”

There’s too much to explain. Too much to share that words could never describe. He is afraid of so much, feels too much. His mind struggles to catch up.

There’s so much of his life that was taken from him, that is going to be taken from him still. All written out and planned. So much that he’ll never experience how it’s meant to be experienced.

Like his first kiss.

He laughs a small empty laugh.

“To be quite frank, I am nervous about the kiss tomorrow.”

“The kiss?”

“At the end of our vows.”

This clearly amuses Blitzo as he lets out a loud chuckle.

“What? Afraid, you’ll make a fool of yourself there too.”

“Well, I suppose so. I’ve never. . .kissed anyone before.”

Blitzo’s laughter dies. His hands clasp onto the back of his shirt tightly.

“. . .Never?”

“No. I would have already told you if I had. I have been betrothed since I was eleven years old and no one has really. . .taken interest.”

“. . .”

“I just. . . this is silly. A silly little kiss should be the least of my worries, but I’ve just imagined my first to be something. . .”

“. . .”

“Something I’d share with someone. . . special.”

“. . .”

“It - haha - must just be my dumb old stories that have warped my mind about such things. D-don’t mind me!”

Blitzo pulls back to look at him. He feels unsure about the unreadable expression on the other’s face.

But then Blitzo puts a hand on his chin. Holding it gently with his fingers. He gazes pointedly at his mouth and then his eyes. Stolas swallows as their eyes lock. Yellow into red.

Yellow eyes that are gorgeous. Yellow eyes that make him feel safe. At ease. Home.

“Blitzo.” He whispers softly.

“It’s okay.”

Blitzo leans in until he can feel his breath on his face.

“It’s just me.”

Even with all the lovely imagery, the flowery words, the comparisons to otherworldly things, and the over-the-top prose that all the literature, music, and art has portrayed, he can’t help but think they’ve all failed to capture how this truly feels.

Their mouths press together.

And his entire world explodes.

They kiss. They kiss and they kiss and they kiss.

Stolas is frozen at first before he reaches to tentatively rub Blitzo’s back through his coat. Tilting his head to kiss him back even deeper.

Blitzo kisses him passionately. Stealing his breath with the raw emotions being poured into it. They always had a way of communicating without words, and now is no exception.

He can feel the sorrow, the sympathy, the companionship, the understanding, the connection, their connection this single kiss holds.

Stolas’s breath shakes into it. He feels like crying. He can’t help but think this - a little cruel. To give him everything he’s ever wanted but with the knowledge that he can’t keep it.

But if his life is nothing but sorrow, he has this. He will always have this.

And for now. For now, this is enough.

Blitzo pulls back to take a breath but leaves their foreheads touching.

“. . .I know it isn’t special but at least your first kiss isn’t with a fucking stranger.”

Stolas might really cry.

“It's perfect, Blitzo.”

The moon shines ever brightly above them.

They were eighteen when they shared their first kiss.

[mmaaawww]

никакой суеты, кеноби

Chapter: 1/1

Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy

Raiting: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Darth Maul/Quinlan Vos, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Maul, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Quinlan Vos, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Maul/Quinlan Vos

Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul, Quinlan Vos

Additional Tags: Jedi Maul (Star Wars), Group Sex, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Zabrak Species (Star Wars), Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan Quinlan Vos, Padawan Maul

Summary: "кеноби, хочешь сыграть с нами?"

[readingtowritedawn]

I honeslty rated this a 2.5 but added up for the star raiting stickers on canva lol! I would honeslty warn anyone going into Playground there is for me a lot of uncessary things added, that do not add to the story in the slightes but to make you go What? -The Hell! Though if you like the Splatterpunk genre as a whole and can look past some of its major questionable red flags I think you could find the good within the tainted horors.

[spilltheteawithme]

That made laugh, it was very telling her team purchased that article when people didnt even say anything, I saw so many articles about everyone else. I think I saw an article of what everyone was wearing and AW was an after thought / yeah i look like they bought the article, most likley the one of her being talk of the town in cannes, this was like too much, if they write something along lines : aw was in canes dress in xy to support seb i wouldnt side eye it too much, but they make it look like she was the main attraction, show stoping etc. And in the other article much bigger that talk about all the best dress womans at cannes she didnt even make a cut, there was like if i remember 20 woman and she was not there, joey king wad there for sure in her 2 dresses, you would think that someone who was talk of the town would make it yet no. I think that is the problem, for me at least an i can only guess but i think a lot of people feel the same way thats why they now on the level of making fun of aw, the articles could be toned down writem in a way it sound more normal and chill. Yet they go from 0 to 100 she is talk of the town, they are so loved up and this is not buck up by any other source than this one article, same with her movie, look on peoples comments raitings, comments under the pic from cannes noone know who she is, why she act, why she and seb look so pr in rome. This is the problem i dont belive 90% of people are team pr, some even dont know them just fallow some gossip and news sides and even they dont write: oh how cute couple no, this usually come from shippers who just fight in the comments always the same persons. Comment show one and then from the other side you have this glory article showing aw as someone to good to be true. And people cought up to that, they can add 1 to 1, maybe not everyone are team pr but they can tell if someone look force to be there. And thats the problem and after some time people start to laught because it look like aw try to hard to be this perfec loved by everyone girl, and maybe some people make fun of her because they know she always check so yeah, she for sure help create this situation, she play her cards wrong because she whant to be saint and now nothing she will do will make people forget this big mistakes she make so some people shouldny be suprise that other question aw every action right now

Exactly, the 0 to 100 is a great point. No one spoke of her, her film tanked, yet a day or two passed and theres 1 of the many articles that's praising her in all of these moments, the biggest one from Cannes, drawing attention from the actual stars of the night to herself 🙄🙄

[grilledkatniss]

Bro

It’s like they know who’s the 100% top star of the night and are just milking that raitings cow like their job depends on it. They know it’s the amount of screen time Taylor gets that will determine the overall success of this show for the audience.

[sandramiksaauthor]

Yearly Reading Wrap Up: 2020

1. La Description Du Monde by Marco Polo ⭐⭐

2. Du côté de chez Swann (À la recherche du temps perdu #1) by Marcel Proust ⭐⭐⭐

3. Discours Du Récit by Gérard Genette ⭐⭐⭐

4. The Private Life of the Diary by Sally Bayley ⭐⭐⭐⭐

5. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

6. Let it Snow by John Green ⭐⭐⭐⭐

7. The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner by Alan Sillitoe ⭐⭐⭐⭐

8. Roland Barthes by Roland Barthes by Roland Barthes ⭐⭐⭐⭐

9. L'ignorance by Milan Kundera ⭐⭐⭐⭐

10. Mary Ventura and the Ninth Kingdom: A Story by Sylvia Plath ⭐⭐⭐⭐

11. Volkswagen Blues by Jacques Poulin ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

12. Enfance by Nathalie Sarraute ⭐⭐⭐⭐

13. Une femme by Annie Ernaux ⭐⭐⭐⭐

14. Je ne suis pas sortie de ma nuit by Annie Ernaux ⭐⭐⭐⭐

15. L’Amour, roman by Camille Laurens ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

16. Open City by Teju Cole ⭐⭐⭐⭐

17. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern ⭐⭐⭐⭐

18. Philosopher ou faire l'amour by Ruwen Ogien ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

19. Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley ⭐⭐⭐⭐

20. The Diary of Frida Kahlo: An Intimate Self-Portrait by Frida Kahlo ⭐⭐⭐

21. On the Road by Jack Kerouac ⭐⭐

22. Les particules élémentaires by Michel Houellebecq ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

23. Red Doc> (Red #2) by Anne Carson ⭐⭐⭐⭐

24. Queen of Air and Darkness (The Dark Artifices #3) by Cassandra Clare ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

25. La Barque silencieuse by Pascal Quignard ⭐⭐⭐

26. L'autofictif père et fils by Éric Chevillard ⭐⭐⭐

27. All We Saw: Poems by Anne Michaels ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

28. Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon ⭐⭐⭐⭐

29. Blue Horses: Poems by Mary Oliver ⭐⭐⭐⭐

30. The Latte Factor by David Bach ⭐⭐⭐⭐

31. La Poursuite du bonheur by Michel Houellebecq ⭐⭐⭐⭐

32. Rester vivant: et autres textes by Michel Houellebecq ⭐⭐⭐

33. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (The Hunger Games #0) by Suzanne Collins ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

34. I Am Not Your Negro by James Baldwin ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

35. The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin ⭐⭐⭐

36. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

37. Wanderlust: A History of Walking by Rebecca Solnit ⭐⭐⭐⭐

38. The Red Scrolls of Magic (The Eldest Curses #1) by Cassandra Clare ⭐⭐⭐⭐

39. Ghosts of the Shadow Market by Cassandra Clare ⭐⭐⭐⭐

40. Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified by Robert O. Friedel ⭐⭐⭐⭐

41. I Will Teach You to Be Rich by Ramit Sethi ⭐⭐⭐⭐

42. Wild Is the Wind by Carl Phillips ⭐⭐⭐⭐

43. Unshakeable by Anthony Robbins ⭐⭐⭐⭐

44. Stray by Stephanie Danler ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

45. Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki ⭐⭐⭐⭐

46. Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

47. She Came to Slay by Erica Armstrong Dunbar ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

48. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey ⭐⭐⭐⭐

49. Life of the Party by Olivia Gatwood ⭐⭐⭐⭐

50. Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable by Seth Godin ⭐⭐⭐⭐

51. Twilight (The Twilight Sage #1) by Stephanie Meyer ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

52. Evermore by Julian Barnes ⭐⭐⭐

53. The Dark Between Stars by Atticus Poetry ⭐

54. The Truth About Magic by Atticus Poetry ⭐

55. Wenjack by Joseph Boyden ⭐⭐

56. It’s Hard to Be Human by Valerie Buhagiar ⭐⭐⭐⭐

57. New Moon (The Twilight Saga #2) by Stephenie Meyer ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

58. The Truth Will Set You Free, But First It Will Piss You Off! by Gloria Steinem ⭐⭐⭐⭐

59. Twilight: The Graphic Novel, Vol. 1 by Young Kim ⭐⭐⭐⭐

60. Eclipse (The Twilight Saga #3) by Stephenie Meyer ⭐⭐⭐⭐

61. Orbit: Poems by Cynthia Zarin ⭐⭐⭐

62. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle ⭐⭐⭐⭐

63. The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

64. A Very Large Expanse of Sea by Tahereh Mafi ⭐⭐⭐⭐

65. Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga #4) by Stephenie Meyer ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

66. Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin ⭐⭐

67. In Conclusion, Don’t Worry About It by Lauren Graham ⭐

68. My Ideal Bookshelf by Thessaly La Force ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

69. Things We Lost in the Fire by Mariana Enríquez ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

70. Saga Vol. 9 by Brian K. Vaughan ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

71. I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

72. #GIRLBOSS by Sophia Amoruso ⭐⭐⭐⭐

73. Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell ⭐⭐⭐⭐

74. Violet Bent Backwards Over the Grass by Lana Del Rey ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

75. The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon ⭐⭐⭐

76. The Secret History by Donna Tartt ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

77. She Must Be Mad by Charly Cox ⭐⭐⭐

78. home body by Rupi Kaur ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

79. Wind in a Box by Terrance Hayes ⭐⭐⭐

80. No One Is Too Small to Make a Difference by Greta Thunberg ⭐⭐⭐⭐

81. Howl and Other Poems by Allen Ginsberg ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

82. Normal People by Sally Rooney ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

83. Almost Midnight: Two Festive Short Stories by Rainbow Rowell ⭐⭐⭐

84. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens ⭐⭐⭐

85. Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris ⭐⭐

86. Monstress, Vol. 3: Haven (Monstress #3) by Marjorie M. Liu ⭐⭐⭐⭐

87. Monstress, Vol. 4: The Chosen (Monstress #4) by Marjorie M. Liu ⭐⭐⭐

88. Monstress, Vol. 5: Warchild (Monstress #5) by Marjorie M. Liu ⭐⭐⭐

89. My Book With No Pictures by B.J. Novak ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

90. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (The Twilight Saga #3.5) by Stephenie Meyer ⭐⭐⭐⭐

91. The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide by Stephenie Meyer ⭐⭐⭐⭐

92. Midnight Sun (The Twilight Saga #5) by Stephenie Meyer ⭐⭐⭐⭐

[dare-g]

Sometime I catch myself wishing I wrote reviews of films I watch especially considering I watch a fair amount of underseen things imo but I talk myself out of it cause I feel I'll be self conscious about what I wrote later especially if my feelings about something evolves one way or the other

[thesacredtwink]

Oh hey new cursed Tumblr add!

I couldn't put my finger on WHY at first though

But then

If we zoom in.

......This math doesn't add up