#start with travelling alone and you dont really have a choice but to get comfortable doing the rest alone

[imma-queencard]

I just wanna kiss! [Professor-student!]

Onew/Lee Jinki(SHINee)

Pairing: female reader X Onew

Genre: fluff,romance

Ratings/warnings: 13+

Taggings: @supermwritersnet , @elviinwonderland

A/N: This is the oneshot requested by me. Today(24.07.21) is my birthday so I decided to gift myself a piece of writing. Jinki has been my number1 bias in SHINee from 2013. I really hope one day I can meet him and ask for a photo and autograph! And this is the dumbeeeest and the looongest piece I've ever written.

"No-no-no!" you shook your head crossing your fingers.

"Miss,we are soon closing in..It's past 2 a.m...try to understand please-" the lady owner requested you knowing it would go in vain. She sighed seeing you resting your head on the table, "YAH!give me one more soju bottle! Please~"

"I really dont wanna throw this woman on the street... She looks so lovely..." the lady passed a comment to her husband when you kept giggling to yourself.

"But we have no choice left,right? Let's pick her up-" the husband suggested walking towards you to lift you up.

"Why aint you sending my soju bottle huh? I'm starving.. Look!" you hiccuped patting your tummy. Maybe trying to show that your stomach was empty?

"Yaaah!what!" you whined when two arms wrapped around your shoulder and made you stand up on your weak,wobbling legs.

"Shit! I dont think she can even walk!" the husband cursed as your legs gave in and your butt landed on the floor.

"Please~my soju soju soju bottle~" you kept singing and the couple started screaming in help.

Suddenly someone cleared his throat drawing enough attention of the owner couple and you.

"Sir,we are closing in..sorry!" the lady politely bowed showing the 'closed' sign hung on the wall.

"Um..I am aware of that...i was just passing by and heard some noises..I came to look if you need any help.." the couple watched him curiously as he scratched the back of his neck looking at your drunken state.

"this woman making a scene here too?oh my... She's really something.." Lee Jinki made sure to murmur to himself but his voice was enough audible to the couple. And their faces lit up with joy.

"Sir,do you know her?please sir take her away with you.... We dont wanna throw her on the street but we really need to shut down our shop.." the man almost begged Lee jinki. However,you were still singing your favourite soju song drawing stars in the air with your index finger.

"Me?" Lee Jinki's eyes widened in shock. Why would he take you?and where?

"Please sir I beg of you-" the woman dropped you on the floor to run towards Lee jinki and held his hands in hers, "please sir-" she pleaded desperately.

"Ah..okay....fine!' Lee Jinki announced looking at you making the couple happy. He walked to you and helped you stand on your feet.

"Miss Y/N,let's go.." he cooed and you furrowed looking at his face with your half opened eyes.

"Oh?you seeem sooo...where did I see you?" you asked pinching his cheek. He cursed under his breath as you pinched him hard. Your hands tightly gripped his shirt's collar while you used your weak legs to keep up your pace with him and he was holding you by your waist to balance your drunken body.

"Yeah!I remember you! Hahaha~ you are that dumb professor, right?who laughs for no reason! Wow~so foolish.." you giggled when he pushed you inside the back of his car.

"You want soju bottle too?that's so bad of you..because - I wont share my soju with you professor Leeeee!" you whined as he closed the door putting your legs inside the car.

"Shit!" he growled when he saw you kicking his car's door continually while shouting, "yaaah!grumpy ass!open that fucking door!" he closed his eyes in anger hearing you cursing out at him before slipping into the driver seat. You relaxed a bit seeing him hopping in. You didnt want to be alone and he wanted a soju bottle right? So, maybe he could share you some when he got his bottle. You giggled alone thinking how smart you were.

Lee jinki started the engine and drove his car off to another crowded street. His eyes relaxed a bit seeing you on the rare view mirror sitting on the back like a proper lady with your half opened eyes fixed on the street ahead.

"Where do you live anyway?" he asked politely when he pulled off his car on a red signal.

"Can you please answer?!" he almost yelled out breaking his gentle aura when you didnt reply. He was about to turn back and scold you for being such a pain in his ass. But he almost jumped in his seat as one of your hands traveled inside his shirt to fumble his abs. You stick out your tongue while running your palm over his abs.

"Yaaaah!" he screamed at the top of his lungs in horror. Grabbing your hand, he instantly took out your hand from inside of his shirt.

"Are you fucking insane!" he hissed throwing your hand away. He looked back at you and screamed, "what the hell were you even thinking!"

You pouted and replied,"stoooooop hiding my soooju bottle inside-you- your shirt. Give it to me...."

"What the- why will I hide your bottle- fuck-listen miss y/n, I dont have any soju,alright?" he spatted out and shifted his eyes to the street with a sigh. He steadied his breath holding the steering tight. He could still feel your palm sliding up and down over his chest.

"Fuck!" he cursed again looking at you through the rear view mirror before starting his car again.

"Oooh miss Y/N!can you at least behave?" he hissed placing you on his sofa closing the door behind. You giggled curling up into a ball on his sofa.

"Prof-professor Leee!Your buttons!" you giggled making his ears turn red in embarrassment.

"Opps!sorry~hahaha~not your buttons!..shirt's buttons are opened..look at... -there" you pointed to his chest. He scowled, "and you took proper advantage of that,miss Y/N, putting your hand inside my shirt!" He was still embarrassed with that situation.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" you furrowed at him, "st-stop taking advantage of a yo-young lady like mee!"

"Yaah!where are you -- going...?um?" you pouted seeing him going somewhere leaving you on the sofa. You were about to stand up with your wobbling legs to follow him but he came back quick with a glass and a bottle in his hands.

Lee Jinki poured a glass of water and handed it to you,"take it miss Y/N.."

"Soju?" you smiled like a happy kid grabbing the glass as if you had just received an award. He sighed, "yes,soju..." He saw you gulping down all the water in one go thinking it soju.

"Can-can you give me more soju,Professor? " you showed him your empty glass.

"No!" he rolled his eyes snatching his glass out of your grip. You furrowed, "you are a bad person,professor"

"I know..." he mouthed sarcastically and left for his bedroom followed by you. It was such a hectic day for him. And to make it the worst,he had to meet you at night in front of a bar. All he needed was now a long good sleep. He looked back displeased hearing your clumsy footsteps. He asked blocking the way of his bedroom,"why are you following me?"

You made a cute face and pouted, "I-I Don't know?Professor,you are reeaaally...a bad person..."

"I just wanna go home and have soju..." you whispered rubbing your cheeks. His eyes softened a bit, "come here..follow me." he led you back to the dining room again and helped you sit on the sofa.

"Sleep here,okay?I will get a blanket for you" he cooed and you absentmindedly moved your head not knowing what he was saying.

You curled up in the sofa waiting for him. He came back to you with a blanket in his hands.

"Here" he placed it on the sofa. "Make yourself comfortable with it,okay?" You didnt reply. You started singing your soju song instead. He sighed. You were fully wasted. He was about to leave for his bedroom but stopped in his track when you sat up on the sofa again and cooed "professor lee...?."

He knelt down in front of the sofa and shoved your body on the sofa to make you lay there. But you wiggled and sat up.

"I am-i am feeling dizzy..did-did you put drugs in my soooojuu!" you accused him pointing your finger at the wall. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. Never in his life someone accused him in that way.

"No."

"Dont ta-take advantage of a little-little girl like me" you mumbled softly as your head started spinning.

"I have no intention of doing that miss y/n.." he almost whispered looking at your way worriedly. He could tell you were about to faint.

"Good!" you showed him your teeth cheekily. He shook his head sighing.

"Professor-" you wrapped your arms around his neck making him almost jump. He carefully tried to take your hands off his neck but you were pulling him towards you more in every attempt he made to wiggle out.

"What-what are you doing...." he whispered with a gasp when you pulled his face closer to yours having his upper body almost hovering on the sofa. He gave another try to unwrap your arms but he couldnt. He gasped out loud as you spoke, "my friends say you are hoooooot..."

His cheeks flushed hearing those words. It wasnt that he had never heard despite of his gentleman aura. But it was the first time he was listening it from a student of his. Maybe they said but not in front of him..but this lady here...his ears turned red. However,he quickly regained himself.

"Miss y/n..you are drunk..just sleep" he said with a flustered face pushing you on the sofa.

"No!listen to me!" you nagged holding his face close to yours. His eyes traveled to your lips unconsciously. He bit his lower lip for a second before he forced his eyes focus on your half opened eyes.

"Can't you just sleep?" he almost moaned out. He was feeling hot and so..weird all of a sudden.

"My friends say you are vewwy hot-but-but I find you vewwwy cute-" you chuckled pinching his cheeks playfully.

"Um..is that all?now -ca-can you sleep?" he asked almost closing his eyes when your hot breath fell on his nose.

"Thanks for helping mefo--for giving me soju.." you smiled leaving his neck to fall back on the sofa. He blinked a couple of times?soju? Oh,water.

"You know you should say 'welcomeee' huh? Bad bad professor -no no manneeers!" you whined moving your palms over your head.

"Huh?..um...welcome.?" he murmured with red cheeks. He put the blanket over your body but you kicked it away. He sighed and put it again. In return,you again kicked it away.

"I dont need that-" you whined.

"It's already past 4. I have no time playing with you miss y/n..so if you co-operate.." he said strictly pulling over the blanket again. You pouted.

"Goodnight miss y/n.." he mumbled softly but you held his arm.

"What?I seriously need to sleep miss y/n-what!" his words got muffled when you got up and put your warm lips over his. It was barely for a minute.

"Good night~" you chirped in after giving him a quick kiss and pulled the blanket over your head leaving a frozen Lee Jinki kneeling in front of the sofa.

"She-she's crazy..." he whispered to himself touching his lips softly.

It had been exactly 13days since you created the most embarrassing scene of your whole life. When you woke up that morning,you actually remembered every single thing you did and said to him and so you just ran out of his apartment without bothering to inform him. You didnt know which part was more embarrassing.. Asking for his buttons or kissing him or putting your hand in his shirt touching his abs. You bit your lip. You stopped attending his classes for a week due to embarrassment. But sadly you had to attend those again. You would make sure not to have eye contact with him during his class despite feeling his occasional stares on you. Even you tried to remember how he tasted sometimes. However,your dull brain couldn’t make it right. So you were really pissed at this useless thing of yours.

You huffed when the bell rang. You quickly gathered your stuff and put them into your bag. You were almost on the edge of running away from his presence when he suddenly called out your name making everyone look at you in amusement. You hesitantly stole a glance at him under his intense stare on you.

"Miss y/n. Stay in a moment,please" he remarked clearing his throat before he started writing down his logbook. You nodded and waited for all the students to leave. Why did he call you suddenly? You were doing good avoiding him and him ignoring you. Sorry,staring at you. You sighed.

"Miss y/n?"

You rolled your eyes and walked up to his desk, "ye-yes professor?"

"Your grades in Applied Chemistry are dropping recently...and I have noticed that you have been skipping classes too-particularly mine...May I ask you for the reason?" he asked with his regular warm voice eyeing your every movement.

"No-no-reason.." you mumbled fidgeting with your fingers. You heard him sigh putting his glass on his desk.

"Look at me when I talk to you miss y/n.." he hissed in a husky voice. You shivered a little biting down your lip. You could bet no students had heard this voice of him except you.

"Yes professor?" you looked up to him blushing as you almost moaned out your last two words. He was wearing his as usual white shirt with a loose black tie hanging around his neck,first few buttons were wide opened but not enough to make it indecent. His calves were folded upto his elbows and his hair was neatly combed sidewards. He looked so decent yet so corrupted. Maybe into your eyes. You blushed again.

"You didn’t even inform me before leaving.You just disappeared from my apartment.. You know how freaked out was I that moment?you really did disappoint me with this irresponsible behaviour of yours miss y/n..I really expected better from you.." he said shaking his head in disappointment. You blushed. You wanted to recall everything but that incident. What did he expect me to do that morning? Get up and talk about the kiss?or maybe discussing 'his buttons' while having morning tea with him? You cursed him under your breath.

"Hm?miss y/n?"

"I- I was just-I am so sorry professor Lee" you bowed 90 degree, "I really caused you a lot of troubles... I am extremely sorry for that"

"That's true anyway..you were very...inappropriate that night,however..." he scratched his back of neck and quickly added, "May I know why you were ignoring me and my classes?You know we can always talk and settle this thing out ignoring your audacity that night....."

"Um-yeah yeah..." you blushed. God,isnt he the perfect boyfriend material you always wanted? You cursed your brain for thinking such...weird things about your young...okay,dashingly handsome young professor in such a complicated situation.

"Miss Y/n? Please do inform me whenever you are ready to talk about that.. I'll look forward to it. The last thing I want you is skipping classes and failing in my lectures because of that- indecent,silly reason." he chirped in putting his glass on.

Why cant you just avoid talking about that? You thought rolling your eyes.

"Um,may I take my leave,professor?"

"Well,yeah..and please concentrate on your study and ask me if you need any help on my lectures, I will be glad to provide you with tution anytime."

"Are you busy today?"

"Hm?" you dazed out of your thoughts looking at your young professor Lee Jinki.

"You look so tired so I decided to ask..I hope my lectures ain't causing you the headache you are currently having in...." he replied with his honey like smooth voice while writing notes on his next lecture.

"No-no,professor Lee..It's not yours...you are helping me a lot with yours actually..you even agreed on helping me after classes...thanks for that" you said blushing looking at your book. You wouldn’t lie you hadn’t developed a crush on him. It had been months since that incident and you two started spending academic times into his study.

"I requested you to call me Jinki instead.." he didnt bother looking at you. Your ears turned red. Of course you would love calling him Jinki but you were just an ordinary undergraduate student and maybe you shouldn’t cross that thin fine line.

"I prefer professor,professor Lee"

"Um-so do you have any plans after tuition?" he asked looking nonchalant as if it was one genuine question. You furrowed he had been really interested in your schedules and daily life asking questions on them in recent days. You really thought of them genuine at first but were they?

"I've plans for a soju party this evening with few of my friends.." your cheeks turned red remembering what happened after your last soju party.

"What?really?" he started laughing out loud. You bit the inside of your cheek. He was looking too cute for you to handle.

"The previous one?" he asked after stopping his laughter.

"Ye-yeah" you tucked some hair behind your ear whilst he checked some message on his phone.

"Anyway,I'm sorry it's end of our today's session.. I just recall some urgent matters that I need to handle on my own...I hope you understand.. " he offered a beautiful smile to your way as he gathered all of his stuffs together.

"Please don't be sorry,professor Lee.. You are already owing me a lot.." you murmured stealing a glance at your busy professor.

"I can drop you off you know?"

"I don't wanna trouble you more with my necessities,professor Lee..." You said biting down your lip. Him dropping you off wouldn’t be that bad,y/n. You tried to convince yourself mentally.

"Oh?It's not the first time I offered you a ride back home miss y/n" he paused and pressed his lips in a thin line before continuing," and I'm running away from my duty so I insist you on that offer..so if you please..and I ain't taking No as an answer..."

"When will this pathetic soju party end?~Jinki"

You double checked the message if it was really your professor sending a message asking you when your soju party would end. And 'pathetic'. You furrowed. Wasn't he just being a bit friendlier than he should be? You thought. But decided not to reply back thinking he might send it to the wrong recipient.

You brushed it off and poured some soju on your glass when your phone vibrated again.

"God,how long do I need to wait for you outside the bar?Can you come out already?I'm freezing~Jinki"

Your eyes widened in shock. He was kidding, wasn’t he?why the hell he would come here! You almost ran out of the bar to find your professor standing near a lamp post across the street while humming some song. His eyes met yours and they beamed in joy.

You walked up to him hurriedly hugging yourself with your arms, "Hey,why are you here,professor Lee?"

"Jinki..I insist on that please" he smiled.

You sighed, "Why...why are you here,ji-jinki-nim?" This man was persistent,wasnt he?

"I can't let any other person take you in their cars, can I? Who knows you will end up molesting him in their own cars the way you did me last time.."he winked at you. You gasped. Did your young professor just winked at your way?

"He-he looked so innocent!" you blurted out unconsciously rubbing your cheeks to cool down the sudden increase in the temperature.

"Oh y/n.." he smiled cockily and placed his large palm on your cheek to rub his thumb over your skin. You blinked. Is there something else that I'm missing out? You asked yourself.

"Of course none is innocent...hmm? But I am glad at least I dont go around and start kissing my professor in drunken state..or asking for his buttons or..maybe fumbling someone's chest without their consent,hm?" he said innocently though his eyes said different. You blushed harder. This man was making fun of you with such a innocent smile.

"I-I said sorry..I wouldn’t do this kind of stuff if I wasnt drunk that day..." you murmured looking at him in shock and embarrassment.

"Hm..I see...but why wouldn’t you?" he asked pouting cutely.

Your eyes widened in shock, "huh?"

"Huh?I asked why do you need to be drunk to kiss me when you can do it anytime perhaps?" he cooed pulling you closer.

"I can't, can I?" you said looking away in embarrassment. You could swear on butterfly flying around your stomach. Was he feeling the same too?

"Um? Can you? Why don't you give a try and check it out by yourself?if I were you,I would def-" you cut him off placing your lips on his tiptoeing on your heels. He moaned deliciously between the kiss which turned into music in your ears. Had you ever mentioned how sweet and melodious his voice was? You smiled unconsciously when he started sucking on your lips asking for your permission to slip his tongue in. His arms tightly wrapped around your waist when both of your tongues wrapped around each other. He just wanted to explore you,explore every inch of your mouth.

"God,I even forgot how you tasted that day.." you said blushingly when he pulled away to take a deep breath.

"But-now you do,don't you?" he asked playfully while placing a kiss over your head before patting it.

"Do I need to answer that question,professor?" you asked with red cheeks.

"Of course..but do you know the bestest thing that just happened?"

"We-we kissed?" you mumbled looking down at his shoes.

You heard him chuckle, "if you want to keep thinking about this kiss,you can but I assure you-thaaat-" he paused to bend down a little to meet your eyes.

"This is just the beginning miss y/n....you have more to explore." he smirked and moved away. You bit the inside of your cheeks. He was way playful than you thought.

"Anyway,the bestest thing is that you dont have to steal flirty glances at your handsome cute professor from now on." he joked earning a punch from you.

"Stop doing these jokes!I never sent inappropriate gla-glances.." you whined shaking your head.

"I don't mind them and you can trust me on that miss y/n.." he wiggled his eyebrows.

"No way" you rolled your eyes.

"You know how can you turn your life interesting than going to these pathetic soju parties?" he asked offering his elbow which you gladly took in before you both started walking in a steady pace matching with his.

"How?" you asked seriously looking at his side.

"By dating me of course miss y/n.." he said wiggling his eyebrows at you playfully. You blushed.

"So are we dating?" he asked pinching your nose. You nodded in response only to get smashed by his body. You breathed in his cologne and hummed in anticipation.

"Trust me girl,you are not gonna regret this..." he murmured huskily licking your earlobe.

"We can do a lot of adventures together...." he cooed cupping your cheeks seductively.

"Ad-adventure?" you stuttered at the hint of his double meaning.

He chuckled, "we will find it out later together,baby".

You blushed. He was such an evil in disguise!You could bet he was gonna spoil you soon but you were also sure that you were not gonna regret dating this young clumsy professor of yours. Maybe exploring adventures together wouldn't be that bad...

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[crystal-witchiness]

***Okay so I found this in my notes from May 2021 as a reaction to the scenes in the beginning of Endgame when Captain Marvel first brings Tony and Nebula back to Earth, when they first get off the ship, and when Tony yells at Steve a few scenes later when he looks like ‘Death Warmed Over’ in his robe and i thought I’d share -

Every time someone argues with me about my ABSOLUTE 100% belief that Steve and Tony had romantic feelings for each other, I’ll just show them this scene. “And I needed YOU.” He didn’t say “You guys” or “Your help.” Tony looked at Steve with so much pain in his eyes and said, “I needed y o u.” And Steve is just as broken watching Tony. This isn’t the first time this has happened between them. They had MANY scenes like this in Civil War (but I like to pretend that movie didn’t happen cause ‘ow blow a hole in my ship why dontcha?’) I mean technically I could submit that whole movie as evidence of their feelings but there are too many negative emotions wrapped up in it and it hurts. This movie is the first time they’ve seen each other since Civil War and when Tony first gets off the ship he basically falls into Steve’s arms. First of all, Steve fricking S P R I N T S when he sees Tony getting off the ship, then Tony sighs in relief and lets Steve take his weight. AND IMMEDIATELY begins unloading his grief about losing Peter cause he knew Steve would understand and comfort him. You can SEE s e e when Pepper runs up that (Ofc Tony does another sigh of relief that the snap didn’t take her (which I wish it did sorry Pepper your character stopped being interesting in the 2nd Iron Man)) Tony has to pull himself off of Steve and pretend to have it more together than he does because Pepper immediately begins crying and Tony has to comfort her. But Steve doesn’t leave his side. Tony cradling Pepper but he’s turning his body so that Steve can cradle him and ugh. Honestly I would have accepted a polyamorous relationship. Tony NEEDED someone to be the leader. THATS LITERALLY WHAT PEPPER WAS TALKING ABOUT. Tony NEVER rests because he always thinks he has to be the one to do everything, EXCEPT for when Steve’s around. Steve is the Captain and even though they bump heads (a lot, awww couples’ squabbles) Tony ALWAYS defers to Steve when it’s important. And Steve? Steve HAS to be a leader, to be helpful, in a healthy way because he couldn’t be that for most of his life in the past. He was a scrawny defenseless guy who always had to depend on Bucky. So to be able to take care of this group of wonderful people who are so powerful and yet STILL NEED STEVE? It’s who he his. It’s who Tony is too but he doesn’t WANT to be that way, he does it because he has to. He does it when no one else can or he doesn’t want to lose anyone else. This scene right now is Tony feeling helpless and so he lashes out at the easiest person, Steve. Steve is their leader and has saved them many times. Tony saw that picture of Peter and couldn’t handle his own feelings of helplessness so he lashed out to bring down the next ‘leader figure’ of the group. Steve and Tony have always been the parents of the Avengers. Steve is the most dad-est dad ever to dad. Meanwhile, Tony invites everyone to live with him while feeding them, clothing them (armor and civilian clothes) and making sure they have top of the line protection. HE LITERALLY EVEN SAYS THIS IN AGE OF ULTRON. SUCH a mom. So he wanted to make Steve feel his pain because Steve made a promise that they would lose together and Steve wasn’t there on that moon. And OF COURSE Tony knows that Steve was on earth fighting his own battle against Thanos but he wasn’t WITH Tony. And they are always stronger together than apart. (Civil War kinda proved this too) Tony sees Steve’s absence as the reason they lost, because ‘if only they’d been together’ ‘maybe we could have won if we’d only been together.’

ALSO DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON TONY LITERALLY GIVING STEVE A REPRESENTATION OF HIS HEART. I know he did it out of anger and to make a point but he took away this piece of him, that he made SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE HE FELT VULNERABLE WITHOUT THE ARC, and gave it to Steve. Once again shedding that responsibility and giving it to Steve. Because even with the residual anger over Civil War, Tony trusts Steve. He says otherwise in this moment out of anger but that “vision” he talks about here? He literally watches Steve die (YEAH THATS RIGHT I SAID STEVE. Not PEPPER, NOT RHODEY, NOT ANY OF THE OTHER AVENGERS.) Wanda showed him his worst fear in Age of Ultron and it was the death of the Avengers, but he didn’t see THEM die. Everyone else, Thor, Bruce, Natasha, and Clint were already dead. Tony watched STEVE die and it was STEVE saying that Tony could’ve saved them that spurred him into creating Ultron. He was so scared of losing them and letting Steve down (and letting him die) that he wanted to wrap the whole world in armor to protect him. And he tries to do it again in this scene. He means it to be spiteful but he gives Steve his armor and tells him to hide from Thanos. WHICH IS ANOTHER THING UGH. Tony doesn’t know that out of all of the people who fought Thanos in Wakanda that day, Steve was the one who engaged in hand-to-hand combat with him. Everyone else had armor and suits, weapons, etc. Steve has his serum strength and he u s e d it. It didn’t help for very long but he used his BARE HANDS to fight an alien-monster wielding 5/6 of ALL POWERFUL infinity stones, and ofc he was never going to win, but even Thanos looked at Steve in incredulity at his bravery and resolve. A human (a super charged one at that but still a human) fought him with his bare hands and wasn’t going to stop. (Steve proved this again at the end of Endgame when he’s the last one standing against Thanos and his entire army and just tightens the strap on his broken shield, (and most likely broken arm, based on the flinch/hiss) and readies himself to fight alone. Steve also gave Wanda time to destroy the mind stone (unfortunately, that didn’t mean anything in the end)

AND YET Tony doesn’t know any of this. He doesn’t know how hard Steve fought, just like Tony did on Titan, to stop Thanos. And I REALLY wish we had seen Tony’s reaction to Steve standing up to Thanos at the end of Endgame OR EVEN WIELDING MJOLNIR, but anyways.

Back to the basics. Boss level stuff most people don’t remember or think about- Tony’s dad very unhealthily IDOLIZED Steve. He canonically compared everything Tony did to Steve. So Tony grew up idolizing this man that he also despised because it fueled his father’s abuse of him. Tony shows this anger in the first Avengers. When they have their argument on the quinjet. “Everything special about you came out of a bottle.” He even says something about how Steve didn’t live up to his father’s hype (I don’t remember Tony’s exact words but that’s the gist) And ofc Steve says Tony’s nothing without his armor. But then they go on the prove each other wrong multiple times, but mainly in their last moments in the MCU. Steve proves it by standing alone against an ENTIRE alien army and later by picking up mjolnir. And Tony? Tony is that ONE factor in a million that Stephen sees. Tony, a beautifully pure human-being, with no powers or serums to help, takes on the powers of the stones. KNOWING it would kill him. He had proof. It nearly killed Thanos and Bruce and they were hulking (pun intended) beings with super strength and all that.

Tony and Steve were always set up to be spoils to one another and that makes them perfect together. They balance each other out. Pepper was a boss b****, no doubt, and I loved their relationship in the first two Iron Man movies, but as their characters grew and Tony’s personality was intrinsically changed through trauma- Pepper was no longer right for him. She was good for him, no doubt, but Tony couldn’t relax with her as he did with Steve. Tony could trust Steve to take over and everything could be fine. Pepper was like that for Stark Industries but not in other ways. Tony always saw himself as Pepper’s protector. I will 100% give her props for telling Tony that he’d never rest until he tried Scott’s time travel theory, but other than that she wasn’t particularly supportive of Iron. Man. What Pepper never seemed to understand, and what Steve didn’t understand when he FIRST met Tony, is that Tony and Iron Man are synonymous. Their is no ‘man outside the suit.’ Tony Stark is Iron Man and Iron Man is Tony Stark. Steve was placed into an already created persona of Captain America. Steve didn’t create Captain America even though that’s who he was. He was literally MADE for the role. Tony on the other hand, MADE Iron Man. He was the one who built the first suit - dying in a cave in Afghanistan. He was the one who took responsibility for Obadiah and his father’s actions and became a superhero to save the countries that were affected by Stark tech. Steve may have volunteered to be a superhero because he felt like he had no one other choice but Tony DIDN’T HAVE TO. He had fame, money, power, ALL OF IT. He could’ve EASILY hidden his company’s dark underside once he found out. But instead, Tony was like “Hey um so my company has done some bad things and instead of delegating aid through my money and power, I’m going to personally handle this with a titanium alloy suit and technology that I helped create in a cave while being held captive by a terrorist cell.”

Where was I going with this? OH YEAH.

I will believe in TonyxSteve (Stony) for the rest of my life and I will use fanfiction to fill the void of their deaths. Basically, if I lost anyone in the word vomit above, what I’m trying to say is that- Steve and Tony completed each other. They provided something the other needed. Tony needed stability and protection. He needed to feel like he could let go. Steve needed an anchor in the present. Someone lively and opinionated, SOMEONE ADVENTUROUS AND FUNNY, who Steve could smile with and protect. But also. Steve trusted Tony to be a leader as much as Tony trusted him. They had their ups and downs. Trauma and the Accords didn’t help their relationship at all, but should’ve been it for each other. And I honestly believe they would have t h r i v e d.

.

.

.

Honestly I applaud anyone who made it this far. I don’t know where this all came from but I will not apologize✌🏻

I rest my case your honor.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for Dating Bucky Barnes

Bucky Barnes x reader

warnings:

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Headcanons for dating Bucky Barnes?”

you met bucky in 2014

at the smithsonian museum, actually

you stood beside him while reading the plaques of information

“so this is how it all started?”

*confused and disoriented bucky* “huh?”

“superheroes. well, ‘enhanced individuals,’ i guess. but each of the commandos were heroes on their own...”

that comment made bucky smile, he needed to hear that

you two wandered around the exhibit for a while, crossing paths a few more times

as you left, he opened the door for you and you got a peek of his face in brighter light, it looked familiar

“no way”

“i hope you’re not scared...”

“you don’t seem that threatening to me”

oddly enough, the two of you clicked

bucky was on the run, he told you at up front

but he stuck around for a few days, being so honest you would have thought he was on his death bed

his stories, at least the ones he remembered, they were upsetting to the both of you, but you could tell that wasnt him anymore

there wasn’t much for you in washington, anyways

so you ran with him, something he didn’t understand at first

“what do you see in me?”

“a man who deserves another chance”

you always knew how to cheer him up

even on the most challenging days

you and bucky travelled the world before finding a place bucky was comfortable living in

but your journey was a learning experience

bucky grew to trust you with every passing day

there were a handful of motel stays, some worse than others

“oh, god, there’s a rat in the shower!”

“i’ll handle it”

“‘handle it????????’”

you didn’t want to know anymore

you just hid underneath your pillow and waited to be able to shower

bucky was always the big spoon

he just wanted to keep you safe

that worried him the most

he thought he’d get you into some kind of mess

you cant count the amout of times he’d apologize and try to tell you that you shouldn’t be with him

and every time, you’d set your hands on his face, tracing his stubble with your thumbs and say:

“i chose to be with you, and i’m choosing to stay with you”

his metal arm was very intriguing to you

at first, you were worried he was sensitive about it, but one day he was shirtless on the bed and turned to you

“are you scared of me?”

“why would i be scared of you?”

“...does my arm make you uncomfortable?”

“uh, no. not at all...i just didn’t know if you would be upset about talking about it”

he just shook his head with his eyebrows raised high, guess it wasn’t off limits like you thought

you didn’t like the design, though

“i should paint over that star”

“go for it”

you also helped him clean it every once in a while

bucky runs his fingers through your hair and scratches you head with his real arm, you love it

and he loves how relaxed you get

in fact, you guys fell in love, it was an amazing feeling for both of you

you had to say it first

“i love you, bucky”

he picked you up and gave you a kiss afterwards

“god, i love you, too”

you’ve done his hair up a few times, it’s amusing

bucky gives you long kisses on the lips and tons of forehead/hand/shoulder kisses

and bucky’s not always serious, he’s has a sweet side that you bring out in him

he teases you a bit

he’s TALL and he plays keepaway like a big meanie

>:( “bUcKy!!!!”

“i’ll hand it over if you give me a kiss”

you guys moved to romania together in that cozy little apartment

and things were good for you guys

you guys worked, went to the market, every once in a while you had dates...you were really happy

he bought some cookbooks and surprised you with dinner after a long day at work

“i hope you like it, it was a nightmare to make”

“psssh, it smells great, i bet i’ll love it”

cuddling is his favorite

he needs affection

sm of it

but he doesn’t ask for it

*one exception, he pulls you onto his lap

you guys share a shitty, creaky mattress that drives you crazy

like sitting on it and it goes *squuuueaaak*

and, obviously, given the circumstances, bucky trained you in self defense. he wanted to make sure you could save yourself if he wasn’t there for you

the two of you led a simple little life for a while

until you walked into your apartment and saw the silhouette of a large man that was not your boyfriend

you dropped everything as he came out of the shadow

“i’m sorry to startle you, you must be bucky’s s/o. i’m steve rogers, bucky’s in trouble”

your heart was racing

you called bucky but he wouldn’t answer you

but he got home and found you packing each of your things

“there’s no time, y/n, we have to go”

you weren’t like them, you couldn’t fight armed soldiers or jump out of windows or run with cars

so one of captain america’s teammates picked you up, falcon

you all ended up getting apprehended anyways

you were questioned for a brief amount of time, but as soon as the power went out you were able to run

until you saw the winter soldier, that wasn’t bucky

steve made sure you kept away, he knew that if bucky hurt you he would never forgive himself

but again, sam got you out of there while steve got bucky

and once bucky snapped out of it, he remembered his entire past, you’d be learning about a whole new side after this

listen, bucky was terrified during this

if it was just him, he would have a clear mind and go on, but now you were all fugitives and he was mad that he dragged you into this

“please stop blaming yourself, bucky. you know that this is still my choice to stand by your side”

“i know, i just dont want to lose you”

“then stop trying to push me away, i need you and you need me”

steve pulled you aside when he got the chance to tell you:

“im glad he found you, thank you for staying by his side”

you sat in the back of the volkswagen with bucky, clutching onto his hand

“it’s gonna be okay, steve told me you can trust sharon”

yes, you had to stay with sharon during this, she was breaking a lot of rules

“so, did you know he was the winter soldier when you met him?”

“yeah, but he was a good man, too. i focused on that”

“that’s good, that’s really good”

after the “civil war,” you were granted a safe haven in wakanda with bucky, so you and bucky moved there

it was a lot more peaceful than the past few years

bucky told you all about his childhood up until his “death”

he had gotten apart of himself back, it was another part of him to fall in love with

you got to dance with him to some of his favorite songs, it made you feel wonderful

and you got some more training time in wakanda, you never knew when you’d need to kick some ass

and then the day came when the two of you had to fight for your lives and HOLY shit he was losing his mind but he couldn’t stop you from fighting in this one

“y/n, are you sure you want to do this?”

“absolutely. i love you, you big lug. don’t forget it”

“i love you, too. i’ll be out there if you need me”

cap kept an eye on you

but you saved a few people’s asses

before you looked into the eyes of thanos

when he snapped, you watched bucky fade away

and you fell to your knees

and cried, for days you cried

steve and you were heartbroken, it had been 4 years with bucky, now you were alone

you were determined to get him back

but it seemed like there was no chance

so you gave up, stayed at the avengers compound instead, trained like hell with black widow and anyone else who’d have you

five years went by and you were a badass

and you got the second chance you needed, the avengers reunited

“y/n, are you up for this?”

“i’d do anything to get him back”

and after hard work and tragedy, you brought him back

you all did

you were reunited with him and he was surprised to see you kicking ass on the battlefield

“y/n? is that you?”

“bucky! oh, my god. i’ve been waiting five years for this”

he gave you a huge hug and studied your hardened face, there was much to catch up on

“i’m sorry i wasn’t there”

“it wasn’t your fault”

you and your boyfriend kicked alien ass for all you had left, this was your last chance to make it right, all or nothing

you were relieved once it was all over

you actually watched the sunset with bucky while you patched up your wounds

“i’m glad you’re okay, y/n. i don’t know what i’d do without you”

“bucky...i was lost without you these past few years...i just can’t believe i’m here with you again”

“well, i’m not going anywhere anytime soon”

he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and the two of you took in your gift of a well-deserved peaceful moment

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlisbeth // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl

[simple-ponderings]

Universal Guidance- Pick a Card

Welcome back to another pick a card. This is one is mostly centered on where you are on your journey right now and the advice The Divine wants to relay to you. This time Ive done something different. Ive done some shufflemancy and added songs for you to listen for any additional messages. These messages may or may not resonate as its a general reading and thats ok. There are always messages being sent but they wont always be for you. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask God or whoever you feel a bond most strongly with, to help you choose a pile. 

+++PLEASE READ! Before you go down to your reading, I wanted to say that the most prevalent theme happening for all groups is that you’re all going through significant change. The Death card and The Last Judgement card came out for all three readings. All of us are experiencing change in different ways. I believe this is something being Divinely orchestrated. Things that need to end and also come to fruition will come to pass, whether you are ready or not. Hang in there everyone. We will get through this.++++++

 Pile 1: 

While shuffling I saw and got the notion of a journey, or the beginning of one. Traveling. There were sperm whales, mermaid tails, deep sea. Traveling on a rocky mountain, like in LOTR. I also saw a volcano. There was a weird wooden gate, with black bolts that looked like the Dolce & Gabana logo. 

Im getting the feeling of stubbornness. Almost as if there is something you know you need to be doing or not doing, and then you dont do it or do it anyway. The Death card was overall energy and then when I went to clarify Princess of Pentacles it came out again- quite quickly too. Is there an ending you are hesitant to release? Maybe it has to do with your habits, mindsets, aspects of yourself, or the people who have served their purpose in your spiritual journey. Regardless, something needs to come to close so that other cycles in your life-whether its having new friends, obtaining a new job, or learning something new, or anything, may begin. It can even be so simple as “The New You” emerging. Its like youre stuck in the past I think, with memories of someone or how you used to be, and now that that has been taken away youre kind of unsure of yourself and where to go. Maybe you feel a little ungrounded and not really confident?...Im really starting to get the feeling that this was a person you were dealing with, and they just couldnt really deliver. Its like being around them for so long has sucked you into weird environments that arent really in your best interests. I know this is a general reading but this is a feeling I cant shake, I apologize if this message does not resonate with you. If it doesnt resonate then it is not for you. This person, was most likely sent for your activation and transformation. Im sorry that its so unpleasant :(. You need to break free from this. Its like youve experienced both the really dark aspects, and now are coming to experience the really light aspects. I think this is what new cycle awaits you, but you are hesitant to let it because you’ve been exposed to that darkness for sometime. Maybe you even comfortable in it because it may be what you expect? This is just one stop on your journey, even though it feels as if it’ll stretch on and on and on. Give yourself time to grieve that which was lost. But remember you must get back up eventually, and begin building your new reality. You arent alone in this. You will soon leave the desolate rocky terrain and move into beautiful meadows filled with flowers. But its up to YOU to go out there and create your reality- your life, your legacy that makes you happy and is for your highest good. You are being pointed in the right direction, you are always being guided. Believe that for yourself no matter what others tell you, or no matter how things seem, or no matter what even you think. Dont let the negativity of others stop your abundance, your uniqueness, and most of all the beauty of your soul. There are some important things for you to consider: 777 and Volcanoes. Also you might wanna give the song “No Running Water” by The Flashbulb a listen for additional messages. Thank you for reading Feedback would be greatly appreciated!! 

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Pile 2:

 While shuffling, I saw an open path with wild grass on either side. The road was made of dirt. There was the word DATE written in red with other words. It looked like some sort of official document. I saw Space, and a blue light being. This pile felt a little dark, like some heavy energy but not too heavy- more like somberness. 

I feel like theres this onset of spiritual power, but you may feel as if youre not ready for it or its too much. Or it could even be that you experience emotion very deeply. And so you kind of focus on the material and logical aspects of yourself, almost kind of “rejecting” that spiritual and emotional side. I think you have alot of spiritual gifts, but you dont want to go “too deep”. You are comfortable with seeing tangibility and are used to seeing whats right in front of you. But I believe the doors to the Unknown are being revealed to you. You see all these phenomena happening and you just “Observe” it kind of. Theres this feeling of not wanting to get too involved so you just keep your distance. By that I mean, you just watch and observe things and try to remain unaffected. Its almost as if you putting your spiritual self at arms length is your way of self-defense if that makes sense? Its like youre trying hard to cling to the old you, how you and your life used to be, before all THIS happened. What are you afraid of? Perhaps you are a person who wonders if there is any merit or tangible reward for diving deep and I think if you do decide to dive deep it will feel that way. “Whats the point of it all?” But its to help you embrace your Fire, your gifts so to speak. If you do decide to walk this path of spirituality and embracing yourself, getting comfortable with the unknown, I feel you will be a completely different person. A Complete Rebirth so to speak. And maybe you are scared of that. I think The Divine is trying to point you in this direction. It will get easier. As you begin to walk this path, things will become Clearer. And I feel you will feel so much more “In Tune” with The Divine or whoever you believe in. I see a link, essences intertwining. Whats meant to happen will happen. Fate. Be kind to yourself during this period. Make sure you take the time to ground yourself and even go outside and get a breath of fresh air. It will help clear your head and balance yourself. You are Loved no matter what. You arent alone, you can let your guard down. Important things to consider: Angel Number 66. Pay attention to how you feel, whether it be around others or the emotions you feel in general. I think being near bodies of water, or even moon gazing may help you. I even think carrying selenite around may be of help to you. Remember to take care of yourself mentally and physically! Keep yourself balanced. Also give “Severed” by The Flashbulb a listen for any additional messages. I hope you enjoyed this reading and feedback is always appreciated!

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Pile 3:

I felt bliss and happiness. I saw a plant growing. There is this feeling of building something thats here to stay.

Im thinking you guys went through hell and back despite that feeling of bliss I felt when shuffling. Overall theres a overarching theme of having everything in life be on track, but when it comes to love it seems that thats where you begin to run into problems. It could even just be relationships in general. Or rather everything is finally going right, but theres this feeling of something coming to “haunt” you. Something that you’ve thought was over with and finished but manages to come back into your life. I feel like you’ve been through some tough shit and have tried your damned best to make the situation better. Like you’ve broken free from some sort of attachment or restriction but there is still a lingering feeling of obligation, almost as if you still feel the need to give it your energy. Maybe things didnt end on the right foot. Maybe there were things left unsaid. There is a message of unfinished business. But this part of your life will soon be wrapping up. After this hurdle, something new will arise from it. An opportunity that will sprout its way into the physical world. Its very weird, theres this notion of finally seeing the light of day after being surrounded by the night. The first light of the Dawn. Its as if youre running a marathon and youve made it through all these obstacles to reach the finish line.  Youre almost there, just a little more. This experience you went through, gave you the wisdom you needed to be where you are in life. It made you who are you are. You have gone through much transformation. Im really proud of you. But The Divine is saying you have to go through this for just a little longer. To Be who you were meant to Be. Understand that whatever happens, it is always within your power to decide how you want to act. You always have the power to choose differently. Always choose what feels right for you. Always choose what you know to be true. What has this journey taught you so far? What lessons have you learned? How have you changed? Use these teachings and apply them to your life and how you want to live. Important things for you to consider: 1010 is significant for you. I believe after this ordeal things will only get better for you. When you feel things are getting out of control or too much, take deep breaths and bring yourself back to the present- back to balance. Remember you are in control of how you respond, you always have a choice. Take it one step at a time too, its ok if you dont get it right away. We have the utmost patience and love for you. Also give “Home” by Brian Mcknight a listen as there may be additional messages for you. I hope you enjoyed this reading. I really hope I was able to offer you some clarity. Feedback is always appreciated!  

[keith-claes]

Again my writing skills airnt that great this will possibly be more than one chapter too depending how well it does.

(Girl from the future)

*Chapter 1*

_____________________________

One week before Katarina started work at Ministry of Magic with Maria, Katarina walks around her family gardens alone wanting alittle time to her self, once she starts her new job she wasnt going to be at home that often and wanted to visit some of her favourite hang outs, before checking her veggie garden she took a trip to her favourite tree she likes to climb, she walks over and spots something or someone passed out up in the tree.

Katarina: "is that a girl? She doesnt seem to be moving, I better check if shes okay"

She runs over to the tree as she climbs up, shes gets a good look of her, she appeared to be breathing still which was a good sign, she takes her hand as she checks her over, she looked awfully familiar to her, she has the same blond hair as her brother, so she wondered if perhaps this is a relative of Keith's possible cousin maybe that's why shes at the Claes mansion.

Katarina: "hey are you okay, you shouldn't sleep here, you might fall"

The girl slowly opens her blue eyes same shade of blue as Katarina's, luckily she was sat up in the tree, she places he hand behind her head as she winces out in pain"

Katarina: "hey are you okay"

???: "my head hurts... where am I, last I remember I was kidnapped and dark magic was casted on me by one of my uncles"

Katarina: "dark magic?, where are you from?, maybe I can help what's your name?"

Alice: " my name its Alice Claes, but um its werid now I look at you cause you look alot like my mom"

Katarina: "Claes? I never meet you before, oh you must be one of my cousins.... wait I look like your mom?"

Alice: "yeah my mom is Katarina Claes"

Katarina: "oh my name is katarina claes too, that's pretty cool"

Alice: "that can't be right... if your Katarina and you look like my mom..... what year is this?"

Katarina: "2021?"

Alice: "Wait what! But how, it can't be unless..... I was sent back to the past.... which means...."

Her body starts to tremble with fear, katarina holds onto her stopping her from falling.

Katarina: "time travel! Wait I think I studied about that in class, theres black magic that can send someone to the past or future, if that's the case then...."

Alice: "I have to go back home, I can't say anymore with out changeing the future I've said enough"

Katarina: "from what you said does that mean your my future daughter!"

Katarina wasnt expecting this, she was in shock, but remained strong for Alice who was scared, thoughts ran threw her head, if this really is her future daughter then who is her father and who sent her to the past like this, was this part of her future doom flags. Was someone going to target her threw her future child.

Alice remained silent not wanting to talk anymore about where she came from, one wrong word or move she makes could change the future.

A voice calls out to Katarina taking her away from her thoughts it had also pulled Alice away from her thoughts too. They both looked down the tree and see Keith calling.

Keith: "hey sister we've all been looking for you, Anne has tea and sweets prepared"

Alice: "I know him to he looks alot like someone I know...."

Katarina places her hand on her shoulder.

Katarina: "why don't you join us, are you able to climb down?"

Alice: "I don't have much of a choice do I?"

Katarina: "nope, your eatting sweets with me and Keith, I guess that would be your uncle Keith right"

She teases her as she Pat's her shoulder.

Alice: "I can't say anymore, I've gave too much away already telling you your my mom"

Katarina: "wait so he might not be your uncle?, hmmmm well I will stop asking, let's go down shall we?"

Alice nods and gives her a sweet smile, she follows Katarina down the tree, Keith watches both girls coming down but was curious who this other girl is.

Katarina: "wow you really can climb trees"

Alice: "yeah my mom taught me, through my father doesn't like me doing it he thinks it's to dangerous so I get into trouble alot.... hes pretty stricken and to over protective of me"

Katarina: "sounds alot like someone I know, my mom scolds me too for climbing trees"

She giggles as Keith runs over to her.

Keith: "sister dont tell me you've seduced another one!"

Katarina: "oh no it's nothing like that Keith! Shes lost right Alice"

Alice: "yeah...."

Katarina: "hey you know, now that I look at you both you guys could be twins"

She couldn't help but laugh at there reactions as Keith and Alice look at each as there faces flush red.

Keith: "sister what are you talking about, I dont have a twin, we look nothing alike either"

Katarina: "oh that's right Keith, this is Alice Claes, shes been sent from the future and she needs help to get back home, isn't she so adorable!"

Keith: "wait what.....future! Is that really possible, I didn't think time travel was possible"

Katarina: "yeah, someone casted dark magic on her and she ended up here, oh shes also my future daughter, how cool is that Keith!"

Keith: "wait did you say daughter? Shes your future daughter?"

Alice remains silent not wanting to interrupt them. As Keith looks at her.

Keith: "if that's true then how do we send her back to her own timeline, and who's her father?"

Katarina: "who knows she won't tell me, something about changing the future?"

Alice: "if I say anything about the future it may change things..... as for who my father is, I thought maybe you might of worked that out by now based on who I resemble most"

Katarina: "hold on not twins you guys ain't twins, woah hold up, for real! I know who it is, it has to be you keith! She has my eyes, and she's clearly resembles you in looks and same hair colour too!"

Keith's faces flush red as she points at him.

Keith: "wait what!"

Alice nods as they both look at her.

Alice: "yeah he's my father, I cant say anything else about the future, enough has come out as it is, I may of damaged the future enough as it is coming face to face with you both...... I just want to go home to my mom and dad"

She clings to Keith as she cries into his chest, Keith really didnt know what to do at this point, he was shocked, but yet happy too, hearing he will one day win Katarina's heart.

Keith: "dddddd daughter, I have a daughter with........"

Katarina: "I'm shocked, Keith! I know you confessed lately but this, I never expected"

Keith: "I think we should talk about this later sister, shes really clinging onto me in tears, we should do something"

Katarina: "I know what to do!"

She goes over placing her hands on her shoulder .

Katarina: "hey, it's going to be okay, let's eat some sweets then we can go and see a friend of mine, he knows alot about dark magic, maybe he will, know how to send you home"

Alice: "uncle Raphael and uncle Sora?"

Katarina: "yeah, through maybe you shouldn't call them uncle when we see them"

Alice: "yeah your right, I don't want to mess anything up, dad will be super annoyed with me if I mess the future up, I call all my mom's friends aunt and uncle, it's a habit I have, I will try and not say it if I see them"

She let's go of Keith as she wipes her tears.

Keith: "makes sense I'd be annoyed if you messed up the future, what's been said today stays between us three for now, lord and madam can't know about this either, for now we tell them your a guest staying for a few days till we can find away to get you home"

Katarina: "oh man, wish I could tell everyone I have a really cute furure daughter"

Keith: "no sister, bad idea if Geordo and the others find out, don't you think they'd end up hurt? That could most definitely change the future, they can not know about her"

Alice: "he's right, they can't know, if they ask just tell them I'm a distant cousin, its okay to tell sora and Raphael, the rest is to stay between us, through I'm finding it real hard to call you both by your names, I mean your both going to be my parents one day"

Katarina: "hm then why dont you just call us what ever makes you feel comfortable, but only when where alone? I don't mind if you call me mom"

Keith: "Sister!"

His face turns red with embrassment from hearing her say that,this was all a shock to him still, he never expected to run into his future daughter and here's Katarina acting all normal with this situation.

Alice: "sure if you don't mind me calling you mom"

Alice smiles at her, causing Katarina's heart to flutter she has that same cute innocent smile as Keith did as a child.

Katarina: "your so cute! Hey how old are you"

Alice: "I just turned 15, so um i dont want to sound rude but, I'm getting pretty hungry"

Katarina: "yeah me too, hey Keith or should I say dad"

She nudges him in his side with her elbow as she teases him.

Keith: "hey! Sister don't call me that, its embrassing!"

Katarina and Alice both giggle at his reaction.

Alice: "he hasn't changed a bit, he even calls you big sis still"

Katarina: "what for real?"

Alice: "yeah, I asked him about it once and he said it's a bad habbit of his"

Keith: "you really are from the future huh? Which means you weren't making it all up, your really my daughter?"

Alice: "sure am, I have two younger twin brothers and another sibling on the way, you will have your hands full future dad"

She playfully winks at him as she links onto Katarina's arm. Keith's face couldn't go any redder than what it was already.

Keith: "that many, lots of kids? With sister!"

His heart was racing in his chest to the point he felt like he was gonna pass out. What struck him the hardest was being called dad, it felt kinda nice to him but also made him feel weird.

Katarina: "hey hurry up Keith, or we will eat all the sweets with out you"

Alice: "yeah hurry up dad!!!"

Keith: "ah! I'm coming sister..."

He mumbles alittle something to him self not wanting them to hear.

Keith: "does she have to call me that, I'm not prepared to be called such things...."

To be continued.

[imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul]

Return to Me - Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Two: And I Run, Run, Run

A/N: Sorry I had to skip last week, I needed some time to get caught up! I hope you like this chapter, let me know what you think! Let me know if you want to be tagged, too, or if I missed you in the list.

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader Word Count: 4,512 Synopsis: Still on the run, the reader travels to Arvala-7, where she meets someone who opens her eyes to how foolish she has been.  Warnings: violence

Tag List:  @xeniarocks​, @too-many-baes​, @araceli91103​, @idocarealot​, @treblebeth, @treestarrrrrrrr​, @thescarletknight2014​, @charlottie2998​, @ibikus​, @mellow-f1​, @mrsdaamneron​, @trustme3-13​, @missjess71, @ella-solei​, @minelskede​, @gleigh42​, @usuallyweepingnacho, @givemethatgold​, @and-claudia​, @constantdisgrace​, @wordsinwinters​, @readingvogueonprivetdrive​, @trshbb​, @kaitlynw011​, @ihave2muchtimeonmyhands​, @fairytalesforever​, @thanos-jeep​, @mixedfandxms​, @pastelbunny1501, @emotionalcal​, @danicalifxrnia​, @getyourselfaunicorn​, @spider-starry​, @jimhalpertcanbuymelove, @angelicaxhouston, @roserrys​, @blushingwueen​, @americasass-romanoff​, @commondazy​, @throughparisallthroughrome​, @ms-dont-care​ , @bubblegumcat229​ , @barnesdameron​

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After Poe left, you didn’t waste much time. You allowed yourself a few minutes to cry, but quickly wiped your face clean. The Resistance had found you, which meant that your location was no longer safe. Looks like you wouldn’t be able to sell those scraps after all.

You pulled out the scrap of paper that you had kept in your pocket since leaving the Gungan Underworld. It had a list of planets, some crossed off, with the words, “Not Safe,” written next to them. You quickly jotted down another “Not Safe” next to Taris and scratched it off.

You finished packing your few things and tried to keep your eyes from traveling to the slight indent in your bed where Poe had slept.

It was still dark out when you left the room. Of course, on Taris that didn’t exactly matter. There were still people creeping around every corner of the poorly lit street, but you kept your bearings. When you left Naboo, Jobee Qod had lent you an old ship. He said that the Gungans didn’t get much use of out it, and when he led you to it, you saw that he was right.

The old ship was rusting in more spots than it wasn’t, and when it reached lightspeed it made an awful humming noise, but it worked. It was the kind of piece of junk you only look at once, and wish that you hadn’t seen, which made it the perfect ship for your travels. You had to get some repairs on it when you landed on Felucia, which unfortunately cut your stay there shorter, but other than that, the old clunker had proved useful for you.

When you landed on Taris, you gave up most of the credits you had stashed away to store it in an old hangar. As you approached the shop, it was clear the owner wasn’t home. For a second you thought about hanging around to wait for day to hit and the shop to open, but then you remembered your dreams. Yes, the Resistance had found you, but you figured they would when you sent out your transmission. You could handle the Resistance. But if the First Order were to find you, which was likely, given the dream you had last night, there was no chance for you to escape. Not when you were as alone as you were.

Waiting simply wasn’t an option.

You snuck around the back of the building, although you weren’t sure it would matter. There were people milling about the street, but they were all focused on their own business. They were probably just as hopeful as you were that no one was watching what they were doing.

At the rear of the shop there were two large windows and a back door. Hoping for luck that never seemed to find you, you tried the door first. Locked. And when you tried the windows, too, you found they were also locked.

“Damn it,” you muttered. You took another look around you. No one was watching you. You had tried to remain as harmless as possible on your mission to disappear, but you had to do some things that were quite unbecoming of a queen, even if you weren’t eager to do so. Right now, you had to make another choice to get off of Taris.

With your elbow, you broke the glass of the large window. Break-ins were common in this part of the planet, so no one really invested in high quality security systems, or even higher strength glass. There wasn’t anything worth saving down here.

Your ship rattled as you started it up, but it still started. You threw your things in the back and took a few breaths. Usually when you had to fly you thought of Poe. Poe could fly anything, and always made it look simple, so you would try to embody his cool demeanor when you took flight. But after everything that had happened, you had to actively stop yourself from thinking about him. And the memories that did appear weren’t happy ones.

“There’s no time for that,” you said to yourself, hoping that hearing the sound of your own voice would break you from your thoughts, “I only need to focus on leaving.”

The next planet on your list was Arvala-7. It was quite a ways away, but from the way a man on Felucia had descried it to you, it was one of the perfect places in the galaxy to completely disappear. There were lots of people there, he had explained, but they’re just as eager as you to stay hidden.

You hadn’t trusted the man not to follow you directly to Arvala-7, so when you left Felucia, you decided to journey to Taris instead. But you were running out of leads now, and Arvala-7 seemed like a perfect location to get away for a while, at least to make plans of a more permanent location for you.

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“Thank you, you’re very kind.”

“I wouldn’t call it kind, missy, I’m expecting hard work out of you. Just because I’m letting you stay with us, doesn’t mean you won’t have to earn your keep.” You nodded your head and followed behind Marsa, a woman you had met on the outpost you had arrived at on Arvala-7. She could see you looking around, trying to find your way, and assumed you were looking for a place to get away. She offered you one right away. Said that she employed all kinds of drifters, as long as they worked hard.

You weren’t even sure what kind of work Marsa was in, you were just glad for a place to stay. She even had a field where you could keep your little ship, that after this last trip, seemed to be on its last leg. You wouldn’t be comfortable taking it back into space without getting some repairs done, which wouldn’t happen without getting some real money.

Marsa lived three hours away from the outpost. It was true that she must scavenge for workers there because she had absolutely no other business besides picking you up. It was as if she was waiting for you. You flew behind her, taking in the scenery as you made your way to her farm. You were hoping to recognize landmarks so that if things took a turn for the worst, you could find your way back, but it was just a vast expanse of nothing. Sand for miles and miles.

Hopefully, you wouldn’t need to make a quick leave.

Within a week of staying at Marsa’s house, you felt comfortable that you wouldn’t need to make a quick getaway. Besides Marsa, her wife and two daughters, the ranch you stayed on was quiet. Marsa and her family only talked to you when they had work for you to do. It was a regular routine you could throw yourself into.

You woke up at first light in the day and helped Marsa and a few of her ranch hands round up the blurrgs. Once they were corralled, you assisted in equipping them for agricultural labor. Whatever needed done on the ranch, as long as it was too big for you and the ranch hands to handle, the blurrgs were able to do. This left you with room for other jobs, which meant that Marsa sent you on nearly every errand she needed.

You were skeptical at first to travel in and around town for her, but eventually the boredom you felt on the ranch persuaded you to leave. The town was nearly as quiet the ranch. No one seemed to notice that you weren’t from around there, and if they did, they didn’t ask about it.

Everything was simple on Arvala-7, which is exactly as you wanted it. You needed to get away from all of the stress you had been living with for the last two years, and this was the perfect location. When you were doing chores for Marsa, it was easier to forget about all you left. And with the location you had chosen, you were almost certain that the First Order would ever find you here. The planet was far too remote and seemingly unimportant for their efforts, and even if they did show up, the chances of them finding you on the ranch were slim to none.

Everything was working out the way you had hoped on Arvala-7, until Khwaabi arrived.

Khwaabi was a man, around the same age as you, in a similar position as you. Marsa invited you into town with her one day, stating that she needed an extra hand to carry back everything she needed to pick up, although you suspected she was just lonely as her wife was visiting her family off-planet. Inexplicably, Marsa decided to make a detour to the outpost in town. When you questioned her about it, she just waved her hand at you and told you that she had a feeling. As you walked in with her, you surveyed the room nervously. In groups like these, there were often First Order patrols. But you also suspected that the reason Marsa had decided to come into the outpost was to keep an eye out for other lost souls like you, in the hopes of bringing them onto her ranch as well.

When you saw Khwaabi, you only had to look at him for a second to know Marsa would invite him to the ranch. He had that same lost look in his eyes that you must have had when you arrived on Arvala-7. She approached him and all too soon, he agreed to come back to the ranch with the two of you.

Although he was in the same position as you, Khwaabi was much different than you. He was an open book. Just on the ride back to Marsa’s ranch, you learned that he was from Kashyyyk. And unlike you, he told you exactly why he had left. Khwaabi had fallen in love with a boy, Leoro. But his father hadn’t approved of Khwaabi, so he decided to leave Kashyyyk to make a life that Leoro’s family would be proud of.

He was easy to read which made him an easy friend. There weren’t any secrets about him, which meant that you could trust him with yours. Although, you never did. You were nearly positive that Khwaabi could be trusted, but you had been burned before. And talking about everything that had happened seemed daunting and pointless. Whenever he tried to get any information out of you, you simply changed the subject back to Leoro and he forgot everything else.

About a month into knowing Khwaabi, a breaking point came where you could no longer hide your past. It had become a fun game for him and the other ranch hands, guessing wildly about where you had come from. They came up with tales of pirating and espionage, one even guessed that you were an empress on the run from your kingdom, but you never gave in. You just laughed at their guesses and tucked in early for the night.

But one day, you couldn’t run anymore.

Marsa sent you and Khwaabi into the marketplace for a few supplies, where you met your past face to face. Although you had suspected that Arvala-7 was safe, you knew that nowhere was truly safe from the First Order. There had been a few patrols through the town, but Marsa had made her business from drifters, and she knew to turn around when she saw them, in order to keep her workers safe. Only this time, Marsa wasn’t with you, and the patrol had blocked off the major exits from the marketplace. The only way out was through their checkpoint.

“What are you doing?” Khwaabi asked as you stopped suddenly, grabbing onto his forearm. He followed your petrified gaze to the marketplace entrance and laughed softly. “Come on, they’re just making sure we aren’t stealing or speaking ill of the First Order, we’ll be fine.” He tried to keep moving, even pulling you along gently, but when you remained planted to the dirt he paused. “Y/N? What is it?”

“I can’t be seen by them,” you said quietly. A million questions raced through Khwaabi’s mind, but he knew he couldn’t ask them now. He looped his arm around yours and pulled you to the opposite end of the market, behind a stall that was selling dark purple fruit.

“What’s going on?” he asked. He was often joking and smiling, but he was serious now, more serious than you had ever seen him before. You were grateful for it.

“I can’t be seen by them.”

“Why? We’ve got nothing to hide,” he said simply. You let out a deep sigh and looked up into his kind, golden eyes. “Does this have something to do with your mysterious pirating past?” he asked, garnering a gentle laugh from you.

“Not exactly pirating, but yeah,” you said reluctantly. “If they see me, I’m as good as dead. I’m on the run from the First Order, and the Resistance,” you added after a pause. Khwaabi’s eyes were wide but he only nodded, his long dark braids bouncing easily.

“Alright. I can get us out of here, but you have to promise you’ll finally tell me about your past. Once we’re safe and all.” You rolled your eyes but nodded.

“I promise.”

“Great. There’s a fence behind that shop down there,” he said, pointing to a small building a couple feet down. Easy enough to hop, just have to make sure no one’s watching. And then we’ll have to run.”

“Run?”

“Well, the First Order ships are parked on that side of the marketplace. If any of them see us we’re as good as dead, so we better make quick work of it.”

“This wouldn’t be the first time running for my life, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” you said. Khwaabi smiled at you widely.

“I’m very much looking forward to hearing your story, Y/N. Let’s go.”

You made your way down to the shop and Khwaabi helped you over the fence. He was right, the First Order ships weren’t far off. The second he dropped down next to you, the two of you ran and didn’t stop until you got back to Marsa’s place. She gave you each a questioning eyebrow, but went back into her house a moment later.

“Alright, pirate, now it’s time for your story.”

“Let’s get some water first,” you said breathlessly. Khwaabi nodded his head and followed you into your quarters. Once you had each caught your breath, you began telling Khwaabi the long-winded story of your life, up until the horrendous meeting you had with Poe back on Taris. Khwaabi didn’t speak or move for a while, but when he finally did stand, he picked up the pillow at the end of your tiny bed and hit you over the head with it.

“Ow! What the hell was that for?”

“Because I would kill to live your life, Y/N! You’re a princess!”

“A queen,” you muttered quietly, trying not to interrupt his rant.

“You have love! The only thing standing in your way is you!”

“That’s not true, there are my parents, the First Order—”

“You’re just making excuses, Y/N,” he said, sitting down across from you. “You could make a real change. The only reason the Resistance and the First Order are looking for you is because you can make a difference, and you’re running away because you’re scared.”

“I’m so sick of people saying that!” you said, standing up and beginning to pace. “I’m not scared, I’m just thinking practically. I can see where this all is going to go.”

“I think you’re just being paranoid. You have an entire family within the Resistance ready to fight next to you and keep you safe,” he said. You sighed and looked away from him. “Look, I only just heard your story, so maybe I don’t know everything, but it sounds like you ran away instead of fighting.”

“Isn’t that what you did? When you left Kashyyyk?” you asked, turning to look back at him. He frowned at you.

“Not at all. I am fighting. I’m fighting to make my life better so that I am deserving of Leoro. Once I reach that goal, I’ll go back. Are you really telling me you’re going to run forever?”

“I don’t have a choice,” you said.

“You could go back and fight. Fight for your home and your love and your life.”

“You know, I think you’d fit in really well with the Resistance. They all really like giving long, inspirational speeches,” you said. He laughed and nodded his head.

“Maybe I can check it out with you.”

“I can’t go back now. Not after everything I said to Poe,” you said, shaking your head.

“No, you can’t go back now. Not with nothing,” Khwaabi said. You raised an eyebrow at him.

“And what exactly am I supposed to go back with?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, I just learned your story. But I’m sure you’ll figure out what you can do to fix all of this mess with the First Order and the Resistance and your husband,” he said, looking at you with kind eyes. You couldn’t hold his gaze for long and looked away, nodding your head gently.

“Thank you, Khwaabi. For getting me out of town and for this.”

“No problem. Now, that run was exhausting, so I’m going to get some rest. If you decided to leave for the Resistance, at least wake me up before you go.”

“Will do,” you said with a laugh.

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Khwaabi had really expected his talk to work, because the next day he was so surprised to see you, he nearly choked on his breakfast, and for the rest of the day he didn’t speak to you. You understood his frustrations, but he had only just heard your story. He didn’t know all the ins and outs of your situation. There was no way you could go back to the Resistance. There was too much pain there. In your head you could hear Khwaabi saying ‘There’s pain here, too,’ but you elected to ignore it.

It took a couple days, but eventually Khwaabi came back to you, acting normally. He never brought up what you told him, although sometimes when he would talk about his love for Leoro, he would give you strange looks. You realized he only did this when your mind started to wander off, but it was hard to listen to him talk about his gorgeous man, when you had once had one, too.

You figured that Khwaabi knew what he was doing, but you didn’t much care. The longer you stayed away from the Resistance, the harder it got to keep on course and remember why you left. Of course, every night you went to bed, knowing that if your dreams slipped to Ren’s again, you’d have to be on the run once more. But listening to Khwaabi talk about love and life made you feel a little bit at home, and let you remember what it was like to have those hopes.

A week after the incident in the marketplace, you and Khwaabi were back, picking up a parcel for Marsa. You had briefly told her what happened, so she had been the one to make the last few trips. She had said that the First Order was gone, but when you arrived in town, you could see they were back.

“How in the fuck?” you muttered under your breath, making Khwaabi laugh.

“That’s not how princesses should talk,” he said with a laugh.

“I’m not a princess,” you said, trying to turn around. Khwaabi grabbed your arm and kept you walking forward. “What are you doing?”

“They’re looking at us,” he said, smiling so it didn’t look like he was talking to you, “If we turn around they’ll come after us. Just keep your head down. They’re not even doing a checkpoint. We’ll be fine.”

You nodded your head and quickly took hold of his hand, holding it tight as you passed the Stormtroopers. They looked you over quickly but said nothing. You let out a sigh once you were away from them, but that moment of relief was quickly squandered when you heard a scream.

You and Khwaabi both turned around to see a young girl, no more than sixteen, on the ground. Two Stormtroopers were standing over her, mocking her. It was clear that they had just hit her, seeing the way she held her stomach. As they geared up to take another hit, Khwaabi pushed the things in his hands into yours and raced forward.

“Stop! What has this girl done?” he asked, pulling back the hand of one of the Stormtroopers.

“Keep walking,” the Stormtrooper muttered, pulling his hand away.

“She is just a girl! Surely, there is another way you can get what you need from her,” he said.

“I said, keep walking,” the Stormtrooper said, much firmer this time. Khwaabi stood his ground, and you watched, along with the group that had gathered around the commotion, as the Stormtrooper hit Khwaabi across the face.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” the other Stormtrooper said. They marched off, and just like that, it was over. The crowd started to clear and Khwaabi helped the girl stand. You walked over to them and Khwaabi gave you a cold look.

“What did they want from you?” he asked the girl.

“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head, “They said I gave them a disrespectful look, and then all of the sudden I was on the ground.” Khwaabi shook his head and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah, I think so. Thank you.”

“Forget about it. Any respectable person would have done the same.” You thought for a moment that the cold look he gave you before might have been a mistake, but it was clear from his tone, Khwaabi was furious with you, and you had no idea why.

The rest of your visit to the marketplace was silent. You passed by the same Stormtroopers on your way out, but if they recognized you or Khwaabi, they didn’t care.

“Okay, I can tell you’re mad. Can we talk about it?” you asked once you had cleared the town and were on your long walk back to Marsa’s.

“Why didn’t you step in?” he asked, looking at you with a new look in his eyes. Possibly disappointment?

“What was I supposed to do? They’re two Stormtroopers, I have no weapons—”

“Neither did I. Neither did that girl.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I told you, I’m running from the First Order, I’m not about to get tangled up with a couple of deadbeat Stormtroopers just because . . .”

“Just because what? Finish that sentence, Y/N. Just because an innocent girl was getting beaten? Just because your best friend now has a black eye?” he asked.

“I don’t know if I would say best friend . . .”

“Y/N!” he yelled, grabbing hold of your arms. “You can make a difference. You can help millions of people. And yet you run because you only care about yourself.”

“That’s not true,” you said, taking a step back.

“I don’t know, what I do know is that if I had the power you do, the influence you do, I wouldn’t be hiding out. I’d be facing down those bullies and sticking up for the innocent.” You looked at him with wide eyes but he only shrugged. “It’s whatever. Like you’ve said, I don’t know the whole story. Maybe hiding out here in the middle of nowhere is the best idea.”

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You knew he was right. You knew Poe was right. The second you had stormed away from the Resistance, you knew you were in the wrong. Running away was the move of cowards, and you had never wanted to be one of those. It took some time for you to admit it, but you were a coward. You were completely afraid of what would happen if you did fight, if you did everything in your power to help bring peace back to the galaxy, and it was all for naught.

When you ran, you thought you were doing what was best for Poe, what was best for you. You realized now that you were punishing everyone you cared about because of a decision by your family and Broden.

When you became queen, it was because you thought you would be helping people. You knew you had done good during your term, even if the whole thing was concocted by Broden. But now, you felt that the only thing you could bring to the Resistance was your connection with Kylo Ren.

You sat up in bed immediately.

Why had you been so stupid? The connection with Ren had been the thing that caused you to become queen, and the reason you were finally able to figure out Broden’s betrayal. If there was anything else you could offer the Resistance, it was your connection with Kylo Ren.

When you rushed into Khwaabi’s room, he was already up.

“What?” he asked.

“You’re right. I’ve been selfish, but there is something I can do for the Resistance, for the galaxy, but I’m going to need your help.”

“And why should I help you?” he asked. He was teasing, but it was also clear that he was still mad about what had happened in the marketplace.

“Because if you get me to where I’m going, you can keep my ship. That’ll get you somewhere nicer than here, where you can make a life for you and Leoro.” He looked at you for a minute but then smiled.

“Alright, where are we going?”

“Kylo Ren’s fortress on Byss.”

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that. 

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

[donggyul]

Ex-Boyfriend

Member : 이한결 Lee Hangyul

Genre : Smut

Note : I actually read a similar story and it kinda ended like an angst but I decided to turn it into smut. So I'm so so sorry if you think that I stole your storyline. Its just such a good story and I'm kinda disappointed that it turned into angst so I had to write it out 😅😅

Warning : Dirty and swear words. The words I use in my smut stories are a little extreme so I hope you don't mind. ^^

You stood at the doorstep of the place where the party will be held. It was hosted by your ex-boyfriend and your friends convinced you to come.

You went in hoping to not see your ex-boyfriend because you're scared of the heartbreak all over again.

"Hey! I've been waiting for so long..." Yohan said.

"Ohhh... Sorry... I had a few works to finish up before coming here." you explained.

"Come on... I'm starving..." he said pulling you to the food section.

"But... You've never told me... Why did the both of you break up?" Yohan suddenly asked.

"Maybe cause we're not meant to be together..." you simply replied.

"Hey!" someone called out to the both of you and you recognized that voice.

"I'll go to the toilet... Bye..." Yohan said leaving you alone.

You had no choice but to turn around and face him.

"Gyul! No... Hangyul!" you said in the fakest smile you can ever plaster on your face.

"You're not gonna even call me by my nickname now?" he ask but you kept quiet.

"Please... Can we talk?" he said going closer to you.

"No there's nothing to talk about..." you said taking a step back.

"Please... Let me explain... Give me a chance..." he said pleadingly.

"There's nothing to explain and no I'm not giving you a chance..." you said abit too loud making some of them stare at the both of you.

"Fine... But not here..." you said embarrassed from everyone staring.

You went to the parking lot where no one would see and he followed behind you.

"Talk..." you said sternly.

"I'm sorry..." he started.

"Sorry is not gonna cut it..." you said.

"I know it won't be enough... I'm sorry for leaving you then... I shouldn't have listened to what others said... I'm really sorry..." he said and you kept quiet.

"Will you give me a chance?" he continued but you kept quiet.

"Please.. I'll do anything to make it up to you..." he said.

"As long as you'll be back in my life..." he said pleadingly.

"There's nothing you can do right now... I can't even go anywhere or do anything for a whole month because of you..." you said.

"Please... Give me a chance... I'll do anything to make it up to you....." he said with watery eyes.

"I'm sorry but there's nothing you can do..." you said walking away, tears falling non stop.

You didn't know what came over you but you turned around and ran back to him. Kissing him like you've never would and never did before. He was shocked but quickly kissed you back. You were hugging his neck and he was hugging your waist, tears falling like an endless waterfall. You let go of the kiss out of breath, wiping each others tears.

"Will you really do anything for me?" you ask.

"Anything..." he said.

You kissed him again, this time soft and slow, but he stopped you halfway.

"Let's take this somewhere else..." he smirked.

He took you to his house (your shared house before you broke up).

"Why are we here? Our friends are waiting for us at the party." you ask.

"Dont worry... I told them we're leaving early..." he said.

"Why?" you ask.

"To finish what you started..." he said.

"I started? But I didn't..." you said but he cut you off by kissing you.

"Gyul?" you tried to say between this kiss but he shushed you.

"Shh... I missed you so much babe..." he whispered.

He pulled you into the room and pushed you to the wall kissing you roughly. Your hands were holding his waist but he put them on his neck and brought you closer to him. His hands holding your waist but slowly made its way to unclip your bra, still kissing you.

He let go of the kiss to take of his shirt and yours. Your hands covered your breast area, ashamed cause you haven't done it in so long.

"Don't worry babe..." he said and put your hands around his neck.

He continued kissing you, his left hand massaging your breast. His right hand slowly went to your shorts and pulled them down, leaving you with only your panties on. You felt so ashamed so you pulled his pants down too.

"So impatient..." he whispered in your ear making you shiver.

He kiss along your neck, slowly reached your breast area, biting your nipples making you moan. He went up and kissed you again. His finger touching your clothed clit.

"So wet for me..." he said.

"Gyul..." you said.

"Be patient baby... I'm getting there..." he said.

He teared off your panties and slowly made circular motions around your clit. He inserted his finger in and it made you moan a little too loud. He smirked at your reaction. He started thrusting his finger in and out of your clit, slightly reaching your weak point.

He took his finger out and spread your legs wide, going down to lick your clit. He entered his tongue and started to wreck your insides. You started to close your legs abit because of it but he hold your leg open. (you guys are in a standing position btw)

His tongue explored your insides, at the same time wrecking it. It was only his tongue but you are already a mess. You gripped his hair and pushed him deeper into you. It felt so good everytime he face fucked you and you've missed it so much. You missed the way he touched you and the way only his tongue is enough to wreck you.

He inserted 2 of his fingers and start thrusting while licking and eating you out. It was too much to handle but the pleasure felt so good. He thrusted faster and faster and finally you cummed all over his face. He still didn't stop eating you out. He continued until you cummed for the second time and licked it all off.

"You really have to make me cum twice everytime huh..." you said when he finally stop.

"Can't help it... I haven't taste it in so long..." he said smiling like a child.

He can be a cool and sexy man in one second and a cutie the next second.

"Want me to help you?" you ask pointing at his buldge.

"Yes please..." he said pouting.

You kneeled down and pulled his boxers off exposing his huge dick. You start by touching his dick, teasing him all the way.

"Babe... Please... I didn't tease you either right?" he said whining.

You lick the tip of his dick first and and slowly suck his dick. Your hands travel up his thighs and slowly massaging his balls making him moan. He ran his fingers through your hair, slightly gripping it whenever you do something with your teeth. You kept sucking and bobbing your head up and down, until he reached his high. He held your hair and pulled it up and down making you gag and he cummed. You took all of it in.

He laid you down on the bed and slowly inserted himself in. After you got comfortable, he thrusted in and out slowly.

"Gyul... Faster please..." you said.

He started thrusting faster and faster, wrecking you like no tomorrow. The whole bed was creaking because he was fucking you so hard.

"Gyul... I need to cum..." you said practically screaming.

"Let's do it together..." he said.

He thrusted faster and faster and the both of you finally cummed. His cummed filing you. He layed down next to you. The both of you breathing heavily.

"You okay?" he turned to you putting his hand under your head.

"I missed you..." you said turning to him.

"Me too..." he said and kissed your forehead.

He cleaned up and dressed you in one of his hoodie.

"Finally I get to wear one of your hoodies" you said smelling it. It always smelt like Hangyul and you would secretly steal it whenever you miss him.

"Yahhh.... Did you miss me or my hoodie" he said hugging your little body close to his.

"Uhmmm both!" you said and snuggle under him.

"Don't think I don't know you always steal my hoodies whenever I'm not around huh..."he said.

"That's because I miss you! How did you know?" you ask.

"Yohanie told me..." he said.

"That blabbermouth... I told him not to tell anyone..." you said.

"Let's sleep... I'm sleepy..." he said.

"But it's only 7pm..." you said.

"Let's just sleep..." he whined.

"Fine fine sleepyhead...." you said and the both of you eventually fell asleep even though its only 7pm.

[andyparxia]

Military

A boy was crying and yelling. “I don't want to go to military when I grow up,” The mother annoyed assured him that since he is only 12, there is still 6 years to go. That is a long time, perhaps in 6 years the rules has changed. Maybe its not a requirement anymore, and more of a choice. The stupid fucking boy stopped crying and thought "perhaps you're right mother, perhaps indeed."

6 years later

The boy now 18 years old was quite miserable going to carpenter school. "I don't want to go to school today," he said to his mother. "Just finish this year and you can do something else," the mother said. Little did he know that there was a surprise for him in the mail box. A letter just for the boy. "Who would send me letters?," the boy thought. He slit open the letter and got quite nervous. "Yikes, its from the government."

"YOU ARE HEREBY FORCED TO TRAVEL TO A BUILDING WHERE WE CAN TEST IF YOU ARE ELIGIBLE TO BE SUBBMITED TO THE MILITARY. IF YOU DO NOT SHOW UP, YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL LOL" - The Military

PTSD from 6 years ago came rushing down. "Mother was wrong all along" he said. How can a mother be wrong? How can the government do this to a little boy like me? Barely out of the womb and now straight into fucking war.

Day of the testing months later

Lucky for the boy he had legit reason to take a day of school. "I'm so happy I won't get a mark on my day of from school". Only times you have a legit reason and wont get punished at school for it is for testing like these, or funerals. And it did feel like a funeral, the boys freedom had officially died. "My freedom" he cried inside while on the train.

The boy had to follow people that was going to the same place, because he had no fucking clue where to go. He wasn't used to being on the road alone. Eventually they did find the place and the waiting started. Hours later sitting at a very uncomfortable chair someone called his name "ANDRÉ". It was for the doctor. The boy sat down and the doctor asked all kinds of questions. "Any mental problems?" "Any health problems?" "Problems in the family?" Nope nope nope the boy said to it all. "what a dull boy," the doctor probably was thinking. Time for sound test. The Doctor put the boy in a soundproof box and played certain tones. The boy had to click a button for every time he heard a tone. Little did the doc know that this dull little boy was being a little cheeky. He didn't press every time he heard the tone. "that'll show him," the boy badly smiled. "looks good," the doc said happily. "Fuck". The boy was disappointed. Back to the chair with him.

What felt like hours later they gathered all the boys for math tests. "Another chance to fake my results" the cheeky little boy thought. He suddenly noticed that by every random answer on the page, there was a very subtle dot drawn by a pencil. The military had just reused old papers from older contestants. The boy stupidly picked every answer that had the dot and it probably made him look like some math genius. So by picking all the wrong answers he picked the right.. Back to the chair. Hours later he was called in one last time by a dude that asked him all kind of questions. "Do you want to go to the military?". "Fuck no" the boy thought, "No," the boy said. After bunch of questions the boy was free to leave and head home. "I probably wont get called in for military in 1 year time" he thought to himself. Surely my answers was dumb enough for me to not get called in?

One year later.

Another letter in the mail.

"YOU ARE HEREBY FORCED TO TRAVEL TO THE MILLITARY, THE SEA MILITARY SPECIALLY BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU HATE THE SEA AND GET SEASICK VERY FUCKING EASILY. IF YOU DONT GO WE SEND YOU TO JAIL LOL" - The Military.

The boy was not amused. Finally done with school and now to military. 

The day of

The boy couldn't sleep, he only had hours before he had to leave. He got a brilliant idea to watch a 3 hour long new Lynch movie that just came out. So instead of sleeping, he watched a 3 hour long acid trip of a film. Brilliant idea.

The mother was teary eyed knowing she wouldn't see the son for a couple of years. Meanwhile the sleep depraved boy was sure he was coming back soon. "No fucking way I'm staying" he thought. "Told you so" he said to his mother while giving her a hug and off to military with him. 8 hours train ride went quick, he was listening to some bad Dane Cook show while thinking of that fucking film. "What the fuck did I watch".

He arrived at the station. Yet again no idea where to go. The boy found some poor souls that was going to the same camp, together they found the bus and away they went. The camp wasn't far away, 15 minute bus ride. The boy was surprised how local the camp was compared to the city. Like a big playground in the middle of civilisation. But instead of children running around playing, these grown ass men are running around playing war. The gates opened at the first thing he saw was people walking in groups, mighty impressive coordinated groups. Rifles on their shoulders, swinging them around like a show.

The boys got showed around and eventually ended up in a big gym. Bags in the floor while police and dogs sniffed out for drugs. Even though the boy was clean he was still nervous that the dog found something. Couple stoners was sweating beside him, and the dog barked. The boy was jealous of the stoners, "lucky them" he thought. They can leave and he was stuck here. After the drug sniffing, all the boys was pushed to the cinema of the camp. There they had to wait for all the other people getting sniffed out. A film were showing the the people waiting, it was "The Hills Have Eyes 2" from 2007. The boy found it a bit weird to sit in a cinema in a military camp watching a film with gore and people getting raped, but it was what it was.The film turned off suddenly. All the boys were done getting sniffed. Everyone was now in the cinema. 

"PEOPLE THAT ARE STAYING SIT IN ROW 1-3". "PEOPLE THAT HAVE A LEGIT REASON TO LEAVE, GO SIT IN ROW 4 AND UP" a dude yelled. "Oh fuck what do I do? I don't want to stay, but I have no legit reason to stay other than a note from the doctor that say that I have "snapping hips"". “Fuck it”, the boy went to row 4 and sat down. Luckily a bunch of other people followed suit. They were around 10 all together. "THE PUSSIES, FOLLOW ME", the man yelled (not really but he was 100% thinking it). All the pussy boys follow the man trough the playground. He stopped at a house. "Here you sleep for tonight, tomorrow after breakfast you are going to see a doctor to see if you have a LEGIT reason to leave. Good night." The boys went inside. There were pool tables, tv with news playing. All kinds of fun shit to do. The boy sat in the corner while all the other pussy boys were bitching about how they wanted to leave. This felt good to the boy, knowing there were other boys like him there. 

It was getting late and all the boys went up to the bedroom to sleep. The boy was shocked to see that all the beds did not have the beddings already put on. The boy had never done it himself. He struggled getting it on, so he eventually he had to ask for help. Ashamed the boy went to bed, very quickly falling asleep. A sleep that was quite comfortable and he slept very well. (No kappa).

The next day

A dude with a fucking bell in the hall woke up all the boys. "Time for shower and breakfast". The boy had never showered with other people in his life, he always avoided it like the plague, so he avoided it this time as well. The boy grew more pathetic by the minute. They all went outside to the dining hall, it was dark as fuck. Dark and cold. There was a long line outside of the dining hall. It took about 20 minutes to finally get in, eat stale bread with cheese while listening to a hall for of noise. "I got to get the fuck out," the boy thought. After the food all the pussies got pushed to a building where all the doctors were located. There was a tv in the waiting room playing "Band of Brothers". Nothing more ironic watching people getting blown up in the war on tv in the waiting room of a military camp. Outside the window the boy was watching people doing push ups. "Thank God I'm not one of them, I literally cant even do one push up". DING, the boy got an idea. He has a note from the doctor about snapping hips (Which means that many of his joins snaps every time he moves them in a certain way), which makes push ups and sit ups quite painful. Not to mention that he doesn't shower with other people, because he often got to clean his hairy asshole in a hard way. "Cant bend over like that in the shower in front of people, neither can one go around with poopy asshole", the boy thought. The boy now had an legit excuse. Hairy asshole and snapping hips.

Literally hours later the boy got called in. He now has a plan. "So why do you not want to stay?", the doctor asked. "Well I don't want to shower with other people and I have snapping hips.". "Why don't you want to shower with other people?" the doc asked. "Well I'm very hairy... a certain place." he said. "Most boys are hairy, its very normal" doc laughed. "uhm, I got a hairy asshole", the boy shamefully said. "Oh, and snapping hips, I can write a recommendation to release you." The doctor said. The boy could breath out in relief.. The doctor printed out something, made the boy sign it. "Take this to the gate, show it and wait for your bags to be delivered". The boy shook his hand and walked to the gate. There he met other pussies also waiting, "lucky them" he thought, "Maybe they have hairy assholes as well". 

He waited for his bag and he could finally leave. The boy looked back at the adult playground, smiling at all the grown ass dudes running around like it was important. "So long" the boys menacingly thought. The boy took the bus back to town. He has never felt that free, free to  do whatever (not even 12 years later that feeling has been that strong). No more Military, no more school. He walked around the town in a bliss. Visited a local DVD shop and bought a bunch of DVD's. A imported DVD of Eraserhead was one of them (which he sold 12 years later kind of regretting not keeping it for the memory). He then sat at the station waiting for the train to come, looking at his shiny new DVD's. The train ride back was quite painful, the boy had forgot to take a piss this whole trip, and a cute looking lady was sitting beside him blocking the way. Better not disturb the lady and just be in pain instead. Eight hours later he texted his sister to ask come get him, not even telling his parents of his arrival. A funny prank he thought. The sister drove him home and he ringed the bell. "I'm home", he said. The parents was probably very disappointed learning that they couldn't get that 1 year break away from him, but the boy couldn't care less. The boy can now go back to watch movies and game. And he gamed happily ever after.

[multifics-canary]

Random nanowrimo fic #2

A/n: honestly I dont know where I was going with this but please bare with me. I havent been able to write for nanowrimo and I'm upset about it. So I'm throwing random pitches before it ends. Also keep sending me your version of Ruby!! :D

Being transported to another dimension was crazy. Being stuck in a universe with no way back was even worse. One minute Ruby waiting for her cousin Kara to get home from work to start training. The next, a portal opens from under her and she's in another universe, in Paris.

Luckily she had taken French many times and had J'onn help her study. In her earth, this was just a comic. One of her favorite comics none the less. So if that was the case, all young Ruby had to find the guardian of the miraculous. She didn't even have time to freak out before she heard the sound of school bells. Her thoughts were interrupted and Ruby turned, eyes wide as she stared a very famous school from her comic.

As she watched Marinette Dupain-Cheng leave the school ground. The girl walked alone, humming to herself as she ignored her surroundings. Ruby felt guilt, she saw how Marinette was being treated unfairly by a liar. She stared for a few more seconds, before plastering a smile and ran to where Marinette was.

"Excuse me, but are you Marinette?" The blue eyed girl looked startled by the random person asking for her. Looking like an american none the less. Honestly, Ruby couldn't blame her. She was aware she was attracting unpleasant eyes on her, but kept her focus on the ladybug holder.

"I-- yes, that would be me. Can-can I help you?" She asked shyly, and Ruby's smile widened.

"Please! Can I get an autograph? Your designs are just splendid! And the Jagged Stone cover album you did was my absolute favorite." Ruby gushed and watches as Marinette turned red at the praise. Ruby grabbed her hand gently, ignoring how soft her hands were.

"Also, if you don't mind, there's a comission I would like to talk to you about." She continued, guilt eating her away. Ruby hated lies just as much as Marinette, but she had no choice. This is was the only way they could talk alone. Unless she did ask for a comission.

"U-um sure!"

"Marinette, who is this?" Ruby almost scowled when she saw the girl in front of her pale drastically. Turning, Marinette looked up at the steps and saw Lila and Alya stare at her. Ruby resisted the urge to step forward. She didn't know if her powers worked properly here, but she had enough practice in controlling them. So she didn't worry as much about using her super speed.

"Are you new here? I could show you around instead. I helped a very well known family like time in my travel to New York." Lila supplies happily, her eyes holding a dangerous glint as she glanced at Marinette. Ruby's face twitched a bit as she resisted to use her super strength on the liar. Letting out a soft breath, she smiled at Lila.

"No thanks. I'm just here to ask for an autograph and a comission from Marinette. Did you know she also designed Jagged's glasses and album?! I wouldn't be surprised if she had his number personally."

Alya eyes widened before looking guilty at Marinette. Before Lila could come up with a lie to frame Marinette, Alya spoke first. "Girl I'm so sorry. I forgot you knew Jagged like that. It completely slipped my mind."

"Wait w-what?" Lila stuttered out, turning to Alya. Marinette stared at Ruby in shock, as the girl glared at Lila. Sensing the growing tension, Marinette spoke up quickly.

"You said you wanted a comission, right? We can talk about it in the park. " Marinette said quickly, grabbing Ruby's hand and dragged her quickly away from the liar. Ruby heard footsteps trying to follow them and quickly walked forward, grabbing Marinette by the waist.

The girl squeaked and immediately tried to break free. "Marinette please. We need to go somewhere far to talk, and Lila is trying to follow us. I need you and Tikki to trust me." Marinette froze, staring fearfully at Ruby, and she hated it.

Pushing down her guilt, she dragged her towards an alley passed the park and slowly lifted off the ground. Marinette gasped and wrapped her arms around Ruby's neck. Just as they reached the rooftop, Ruby told her to stay quiet as she heard Lila walk to where they were. They heard Lila snarl when she didn't see anyone, and quickly changed her expression when Alya joined her. The girls left afterwards, so Ruby let go of Marinette, just as the girl pushed her off.

"How do you know about to tikki? Who are you?" She demanded, the red kwami flying out of her purse and stared at Ruby. Slowly the girl kneeled down with surrendered hands. She never saw Marinette being this intimidating without the suit and definitely didn't think she would see it in person.

"Please, I just want to home. I have no one else I could go to. In my earth, you guys are just comics. And I know I lied earlier, but I hate lying too and my whole life is basically one. And Lila is just terrible too and--"

"Slow down!" Marinette spoke up. Ruby stopped when she realized she was rambling and turned red, looking down embarrassed. She's adorable. What.

"I'm sorry. When I'm nervous, I speak really fast and only my cousin understands me. Let me start again. My name is Ruby Danvers and I'm from a different universe." She said, looking up at the kwami and chosen.

"Tikki?" Marinette turned to her kwami, ignoring how uncharacteristically fast her heart was beating at the familiarity of the girl.

The red kwami flew towards Ruby, who stared back nervously and excitedly. Smiling, tikki turned back to Marinette.

"She's telling the truth, Marinette. We can ask the guardian for help." The little god said, and Ruby sagged in relief.

"You have no idea how much that means to me. I can tell you anything I know." Ruby said, looking at Marinette happily. The girl felt her face heat up and looked away, missing her kwami's knowing look.

"You said earlier we were comics in your world. I'm assuming that its the same with you as well?" She asked Ruby, causing the girl to frown.

"I have honestly no idea. It's only been a few hours since I got here and I tried not to move too much. But I would assume so. Try looking up Supergirl on your phone." Ruby sat comfortably on the floor as Marinette took out her phone and looked it up. After a few seconds, she heard the girl squeal.

"Oh my god! You're from my favorite show! I'm still waiting on that new season! Are you really Supergirl's cousin for real?" Marinette exclaimed, having gotten close to Ruby in her excitement. The girl calmed down after a bit and saw how close they were to each other. Both of them blushed and Marinette moved back quickly, as Ruby shuffled a bit back.

"U-um yeah. My brother is technically a few minutes older, but being stuck in a place where no time passes with your cousin, makes him a bit older." Ruby states shrugging a bit.

"Well we need to get you a new identity for now. Ruby Danvers is famous character." Marinette said, after calming down a bit. Ruby looked behind Marinette and stared in shock as Chat Noir jumped on the same rooftop as them.

"Hey, bugaboo. Who's this?" He said, walking over. He seemed calmed enough, but Ruby knew from experience that he was on edge. Especially since tikki was out in the open to a random stranger.

"Relax kitty. This person needs our help getting back home. She's from a different earth. We need to help her create an identity in the mean time." Marinette explains, placing a hand on her partner's shoulder. He seems to relax a little, but Ruby didn't move. Not until they all said it was okay. She had learned that a long time ago.

"Ruby, you don't have to stay there. No one is going to harm you." Tikki flew to the girl on the floor, and only received a smile. Chat and Marinette stared at Ruby.

"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that all of you knew I wasn't a threat." She stared as Chat Noir's eyes widened and he turned to Marinette, who nodded at him. Sighing, Chat stopped forward to Ruby and held out a hand to her.

Ruby slowly took his hand as he called off his transformation and the young girl stood face to face with the Adrien Agreste.

"So, Ruby huh? What makes you special?" Adrien asked, and Ruby practically squealed at those words. Those words reminded her of when Kara told her when she first met the heroes of earth-1 for an invasion. She looked at Marinette for permission and got a nod. Smiling widely, she fixed her grip on the boy's hand, making sure to not hurt him.

"Let's go for a ride, kitty cat." And with that, Ruby lifted off the ground, laughing at Adrien's squeak of surprise as he gripped her arm. Plagg cackled, floating next to Ruby as they lifted at least 10 feet in the air.

"Oh I like her! Can we keep her, sugarcube?" Plagg said, once they floated down. Adrien scrambled behind Marinette, who was holding in her laughter.

"Ok ok. Let's think of something." Marinette said after finally calming down. Ruby floated slightly as Marinette and Adrien sat on the floor, the kwami's on their respective holder's head.

"Even though I have the hair and eyes similar, I can't be related to Marinette because I look far too American. I could say that I'm in a exchange program and old friends of yours." Ruby supplies, floating right above them. Adrien, having calmed down from his stupor, thinks it over.

"That could work. I could pull some strings to make sure it's real enough so no one questions it."

"Am I allowed to do anything about that lying snake?"

"No." Four voices said to Ruby at once. The girl frowned as she stared up. She could plan it later, maybe with Plagg's help. He can get her to Trixx in case.

"We still have to go to master about this."

"I could fly us there. But it would be a bit obvious since it's still day out. I can hear your classmates voices nearby." Ruby states, crossing her arms as she stopped floating, just staying above their heads.

"You have super speed, right? My house is right there. If you can get me a hoodie I have on the mannequin, some materials and some scissors, I could help disguise you. Make you look like a miraculous hero." Marinette looked up at Ruby, who had this look of wonder in her eyes as she stared down.

"You'd really do that?"

"Why wouldn't she? You could've used your powers to hurt us already. But you haven't, and considering you're from our favorite show, I don't think there's anything Marinette wouldn't do for her favorite character."

"Adrien!" Marinette turned red as the boy next to her laughs, easily escaping her clutches as Ruby stared at them both. Her cousin told her many things about the multiverse, and meeting one of her best friends from another earth was cool. But Ruby never thought she would never experience it herself.

She watches them bicker, the kwamis resting on her head and smiled. Even if did take a while to find a proper way home, Ruby honestly wouldn't change this for anything. Not even Lila Rossi or Hawkmoth would stop her from feeling this ecstatic.

Lila Rossi.

Now that was someone Ruby was going to enjoy destroying before she left. Watch out Paris, theres a new hero in town. And her name is Velocity.

Random tags: @natu123 @the-wlw-cafe @mcgrathandwives @baked-bean-bekah @beebeebombam @imagine-lcorp @ezio-demon @supergirlimagine @miraculous-of-salt

[gothytrash]

rules: tag people you want to get to know better!!!

tagged by: @transseven (kinda im just bored and wanna do it)

your name and what you would’ve named yourself: finn...and i named myself that:))) i considered kalen and max also but finn felt right. might fuck around n change it again tbh

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): virgo sun/libra moon/aries rising

when did you join tumblr and why: 2012 maybe?? i was a ~hipster aesthetic blog~ until i became the mess i am today

top 5 fandoms: i dont consider myself really IN any fandoms but,,,mortal kombat, overwatch, polygon, animal crossing, and unus annus are things im really into rn!!

top 5 films: i really dont watch movies much um....jawbreaker, my neighbor totoro, howl's moving castle, spirited away, clueless, pretty much anything ghibli or disgustingly 90's

go-to song when you want to feel something: i have a playlist that is all megan thee stallion for when im extra mentally ill and need to feel like a bad bitch again

what’s your religion or faith if you have one: i don't feel strongly about any really?? i used to relate to wicca when i was younger until i realized a lot of it is stolen closed practices and cultural appropriation and it just didnt feel...right i guess?? im actually a very spiritual person in private though u might not guess it from the everything about me!! im just still not sure if there is a religion i would feel totally comfortable in, although buddhism has always intrigued me!!

a song that makes you feel seen: dog teeth by nicole dollanganger ... teen idle by marina ... vienna by billy joel ...

if you could have any career: i'd love to perform, idk what but i just wanna create for people!!! even as a youtuber, a streamer, or more original performing like in a band or doing drag i just..love to be seen and make people happy:)))

do you have a type: um not really??? hot alt queers to the front of course, and i prefer someone else to be able to take the lead in most things, but that rarely factors into my attraction. if u cute u cute and i will kiss u

what does my heart/soul yearn for: to feel cared for:))) to be a first choice:))) independence:)))

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone: blunt, compassionate, easygoing, impulsive, ditzy

favorite subjects in school: music, english, and forensics

where does your soul feel the most at home: anywhere there is fresh air and some peace and quiet

top 5 fictional characters: mileena, yuri, dva, kuromi, howl

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: FUCK um. many moments in the promised neverland i cant even pick one so just the show as a whole....the abortion scene in sex education......and also all of your lie in april just so much of it

earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: the stars

favorite kind of weather: that time in either fall or spring when its perfect sweater weather, the sun is shining but the breeze is cool enough that u don't sweat at all, and it stays that way until the sun goes down:') and everything smells so nice....it's different for spring and fall but they both smell lovely

top 3 kins: mileena, yuri, and kuromi

favorite medium of art: to do? graphite or digital bc im bad and must erase a lot! to enjoy? all of it literally all art makes my heart go whoosh

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: ambivert

favorite literary quote: i had to search so hard for this bc i couldnt remember it all but my fave book in my early teens was across the universe by beth revis and i always really liked this quote idk why: " I stare at the stars... And even though there are so many and they look so close together, I know they are light years apart. The glitter in the sky looks as if I could scoop it all up in my hands and let the stars swirl and touch one another, but they are so distant, so very far apart, that they cannot feel the warmth of each other, even though they are made of burning. This is the secret of the stars, I tell myself. In the end, we are alone. No matter how close you seem, no one else can touch you."

some of your favorite books: i dont read as much as i used to so most of the books i loved are young adult books but: the crank series by ellen hopkins, the painter from shanghai by jennifer cody epstein, every day by david levithan, i am the messenger by marcus zusak

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: i want to travel as much as possible, but i think i'll always wanna come home to canada. maybe not where i live now, but canada just feels the most like home and id love to live somewhere beautiful here

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: i mean i guess my gay ass is in the most ideal timeline right now, but bigotry and such out of the picture i would have fucked w the 70s so hard....big hair big shoes and just not giving a fuck??? gimme

if you could play any instrument masterfully what would it be?: guitar or piano are obvious choices but tbh id be an iconic saxophone player

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you have a connection to?: artemis and apollo were the first deities i was drawn to when i started my craft and figuring out religion and such, but recently i have been very drawn to persephone and dionysus??

lastly, favorite recent selfie from your camera roll: (i never take selfies this is the most up to date pic i have and its bad but oh well)

i'm not gonna tag anyone bc i dont have friends but pls do it if u wanna!! i wanna know yall better!!!

[incorrect-kujo-archive]

To save the future.

@gegegenotairin

☆○o。　　。o○☆

“...do you love her?” “..can you save yourself?” “...can you...”

。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆　　 。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆

Another night in mid-summer. The neighborhood was quiet and fireflies made their seasonal presence just behind the thin veil of the shoji outside of Jotaro’s room. The boy had been asleep for a few hours now. Comfortable and pleasantly warm in his large futon. He didn’t sleep well often since his return from Egypt, so this night was a rare treat. All had been quiet for a number of months and the thought of piecing any sense of normality back together was starting to feel normal... 

And then....he had a thought.

‘....It’s cold..’

Falling. A young delinquent could tell he was falling down a tunnel of some kind... but how could he be sure? It felt more like he was slowly sinking into something beneath him. Even though he was wearing clothes, Jotaro felt a strange energy flow across his skin that seemed to weave beneath the fabric that covered him. Pressing into his flesh as if it was holding him there against an opposing force trying to pull him down faster towards the bottom of wherever he happened to be floating.

The intensity of the light that made up this strange place made itself apparent even with the boy’s eyelids closed tightly. Black became a visible dark red, and squinting didn’t seem to help him alleviate the strain on his closed eyes. He raised his hands up, partially shielding them enough so he could begin to open them. Again, he was met with a bright light that caused him to wince in dull pain. The light he managed to see was moving across him like thousands of shooting stars packed tightly together, quickly with an apparent purpose. That was all that was here, but it still felt as if he was moving somewhere. Kujo slowly opened his eyes and withdrew his large hands, blinking a few times in disbelief and confusion. 

“What the hell..?” Before Jotaro had another moment to gather his bearings, a voice that appeared to travel along these star-like lights spoke out to him. 

“Can you save yourself?”

。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆　　 。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆

This prompted him to glance to his body, he was not restrained... but something kept him from moving freely even though just a moment ago he had protected his eyes. All at once a torrent of questions bombarded the youth. Where was he? Who was speaking to him? Was anybody else here? 

“You have to save her. But you cant if you stay here.”

Jotaro grit his teeth, he didn’t like not knowing what was going on.

 “Who are you?!” The voice was indifferent to his questioning, it spoke again. ‘Will you choose to save her?’

“If you do not choose, this world is forfeit.” 

Jotaro’s breath hitched in his throat, memories of a battle not so long ago with DIO came flooding back with a chilling shock to his system. That battle which saved the world from a ruler who would do only evil unto man.. and was he truly being told that he had to save the world again? 

He looked around, nothing. Nobody. Only he and this strange anomaly. The boy hesitated to speak, he still had questions and this all suddenly became too much.

‘...how.. can I do that alone..?’ 

‘You must choose, it is for her sake and for yours! Now, decide!’ 

He was silent. Fists tightening in a subtle bout of anger.. he didn’t have a choice in the matter.. not if the stakes were so high. His heart had already made the choice for him.

“Yare-yare... Guess there’s no choice,  I’ll do it.” 

。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆　　 。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆

The speeding light began to slow and dim into stillness. Gravity weighed Jotaro down again and the slight chill of that strange place was replaced with a bitter cold of stone wall. The free-flowing energy that supported him dissipated into a humid vapor before solidifying into steel chains around his wrists. He blinked once in shock, and suddenly he was in a different location entirely.. 

“...what kind of fever dream..?” he spoke aloud as a bead of sweat dripped down his jaw. He was wearing entirely different clothes. A vest with a high collar and a long bottom, exposed arms, and tight clothes that fit the form of his body that were covered in metallic accessories. There was even something on his mouth that prevented his jaw from opening up all the way... it.. was it a muzzle? His contemplation and state of shock was quickly shattered with a series of loud bangs within a few feet of him. Metal against metal, the harsh reverberations brought back memories of his time in prison.. especially when they were accompanied by a baritone voice of someone who clearly saw themselves as above you. “HEY! HEY YOU!” 

Jotaro looked over, blue eyes widening again as to his utter shock, he gazed upon a prison guard behind a set of steel bars.. and Kujo was the one behind the bars. “LOOK HERE SHITHEAD, I DONT CARE IF YOU DONT WANNA GO OUTSIDE. WHEN YOU’RE IN DOLPHIN STREET PRISON, YOU LISTEN TO ME. GOT IT?! NOW COME OUT HERE BEFORE I CLUB YOU OVER THE HEAD AND DRAG YOUR SORRY ASS OUT. GOT IT?”

‘..Im.. in prison..?’ Again, it was a lot to take in.. one moment he was asleep in his room, then in some unexplainable portal, and now... prison? It was like a bad artistic movie.. “WELL?! YOU REALLY GOING TO SPEND YOUR ONE HOUR OF FRESH AIR INSIDE? COME ON.” The guard banged on the bars once again, throwing the door open and moving his baton towards the ground in a silent command for the prisoner to come forward.

“...yeah yeah.. I gotcha..”

Jotaro glared and spoke begrudgingly as he began to move forward. He didn’t lower his head or raise his fists. As much as he wanted to sock this guy out cold, he needed to know where he was.. and what exactly that voice meant by saving her or saving his world.. 

。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆　　 。·:*:·ﾟ★,。·:*:·ﾟ☆

As he was escorted, the boy glanced around... this was more like a weird hotel than a prison. It was huge, the people here all looked strange.. and he could sense it, there were stand users here. Troublesome ones at that. He took in as much information as he could on the short walk to the rooftop. The guard opened the large steel door that led to the outside. A large group of both male and female prisoners seemed to be gathered here; spending their precious hour playing games, socializing, and some seeming to do some shady things.. 

“You get one hour, just like everyone else. Got it Beast?” With a gruff clearing of his throat, the guard shut the steel door and took his position to watch over the inmates.

‘Beast?’ That.. was certainly a name.. maybe it was because of the weird muzzle Jotaro  found himself wearing. He looked around trying to see if he could spot anything that would give him a clue about... well, anything at this point..

[fallout-snippets]

Hello it me again, I L O V E your longer reacts and ur writing is just amazing. I would die if u did the interested! companions (+Deacon) reacting to sole almost dying but barely surviving like they get knocked out or have a really bad injury and go into surgery and wake up alright (totally up to u!) And it just being real angsty and sad. Sorry if this is a lil confusing I hope you have fun with this prompt and thank u for reading anyway. 💕

(sorry if im taking too many liberties and artistic choices with the replies but i want to make them unique, also kinda lost wind at the end cause theyre kinda long)

Cait is a furious mess in the waiting room, refusing to leave until she can see Sole again. It had just been a lucky shot by a lucking fucking raider but it’s enough to turn everything upside down and Cait wishes she hadn’t had to pick up Sole and run the hell out of there and instead could give that raider the beating of a lifetime. To soothe her nerve she plans out how to track them down and imagines what she’ll do to them.

It takes a few hours of silence from the operating room until the doctor finally emerges and she’s close to wrestling the poor guy down to ask what took so long but she keeps her cool, the way Sole told her to. It seems that Sole will recover without any lasting injuries but he requests that she lets them rest which she scoffs at, and pushes back the man so she can see them.

The doctor obviously can’t convince her to leave and instead resigns to at least getting her a chair. Cait spends the rest of the night and day sitting next to Sole, sobbing into their sheets when she knows they won’t notice. She holds their hand, feels their warmth and lets that be the thing that calms her down.

Once Sole wakes up though, she won’t be so vulnerable. They’re going to get an earful from her about being so careless and she’ll make sure they know that’s not going to fucking happen again.

Curie regrets becoming a human when she’s alone in the field with a Sole that might be bleeding out infront of her. She hates how her hands shake, how sickly cold she feels and how warm their blood feels on her hands as she tries to put pressure on the wound.

Her brain switches from a logical approach to a terrified one, between what she can do and has to do and what might happen if she does it wrong and she wishes she still had a stone cold approach to an injured patient. Instead it’s Sole. She might lose them for real and she feels a lump in her throat grow.

Thankfully Sole has passed out, for better or worse, and Curie puts a cloth over their face to make them anonymous. She brings out an emergency toolkit and some stimpaks and forces a deep breath. It takes a great mental strength to force her fear away so that she can get to work but soon she focuses only on the wound. She makes sure it’s clean, nothings stuck inside and she carefully administers the stimpak inside to out, letting the cellular regeneration slowly close the wound from inside.

Once she’s done she sits down, removes the cloth from their face to wipe her hands but she can’t bring herself to move. She feels sick and nauseous, something she never thought she’d feel doing something as natural as that. When Sole wakes up she’ll force herself to come back but for now she just sits and tries not to think about her hands inside Soles abdomen with their life hanging on a thread.

Danse doesn’t notice anything wrong at first. He’s been trained to take the situation seriously and never celebrate until they’re safe home again but it’s been a while since he’s been a soldier and it’s hard not to celebrate around Sole. So he doesn’t notice that not everyone is dead.

Sole makes a remark about the awful outfit the dead man infront of them has on and Danse chuckles and turns around to relieve the other man of his ammunition. He doesn’t hear the grunts of a survivor and he doesn’t hear them approaching but he hears the crunch of a blunt object connecting with Soles scalp. It echoes for weeks afterwards.

He quickly eliminates the threat but Sole has already slumped together on the floor, blood quickly pooling beneath them and he has never been this scared before. He does what he can to… keep the pieces together and he picks them up to bring them back somewhere safe. They don’t wake up for a while.

It’s not until Sole slowly blinks their eyes open in the safety of their home that he finally allows himself to cry. He sobs through an apology, begs them to please forgive him, while they softly comb his hair with their fingers, waiting to figure out what happened.

Deacon is the king of pranking and is pleased to have finally found a worthy opponent in Sole. It can range from placing a whopee cushion under their seat to staging a lovers spat in a full bar and he is living for it. So when Sole is dramatically complaining about the burning heat he just laughs and tells them to cool off.

With a smirk they toss him their jacket and pack and dive into the waters they’ve been travelling next to and he laughs louder for the sheer drama of it. What a match made in heaven. He waits for Sole to reemerge to splash him down but they dont and instead the surface grows still. Until their body slowly floats to the surface and he prays it’s just another prank.

It could be. Sole knows how to get under his skin. But there’s red leaking into the water from their head and he takes a look into the murky water and finds it filled with large rocks hidden just below. Quickly he throws himself in to pull them out, dragging them onto the dusty road.

The cut on their head isn’t deep and won’t be lethal but they’re unconscious and he’s struggling with what to do. He vaguely remembers how to do CPR and gets started, trying not to lose his shit in the process. He ends up getting water spat in his face but Sole coughing is music to his ears. He allows himself to hold on to their shoulder for a second longer than he needs to before he forces out a laugh.

“Did you cool down?”

Hancock likes being a little reckless, it’s good for the soul. Gets you out of your comfort zone and helps you sharpen up. Plus it’s fun. So Hancock’s not exactly complaining when he takes up with Sole who isn’t afraid of a fight, on the contrary; he downright loves it.

It can range from switching from guns to a fistfight just for the hell of it or batting baseball grenades into a super mutan stronghold just because they can. So when Sole suggests a shortcut from the roof of a three story building to the bus below he doesn’t think much of it. He declines it himself, knowing he doesn’t have it in him to do it but Sole has survived much worse with barely a scratch.

Except he sees them get ready and they leap like a bird ready to take flight but instead of a thud of them landing on the roof he hears glass breaking. He hurries to the ledge and finds Sole in a pile of broken glass and blood, staring at their bloodsoaked hands in shock. Somehow they landed on the sunroof window and fell through the bus.

Suddenly he can’t breathe and he feels ants crawling all over him and he doesn’t care that it’s not even reckless, it’s just stupid, but he throws himself off the edge onto the bus as well. Luckily the wounds are only superficial and Sole recovers quickly with carefully placed stimpaks but he shakes for hours afterwards with the image of a slashed Sole below him. It could’ve been worse, it looked worse, and sometimes he can’t shake the feeling that it was worse and he’s living in a comfort high to cope with it.

MacCready has always been afraid of ferals, even before that happened. It’s knowing they used to be people that terrifies him the most, the idea that there used to be a person inside and now there’s nothing but rot. That they’re just creatures, full of rage and hunger.

Usually when there’s a group of them Sole allows him to fall back and let them deal with it, much to his relief. The sounds they make, the shuffling of their feet on their ground. Everything comes back in vivid detail and he feels sick to his stomach. But this time it’s different. Maybe there’s one too many or maybe Sole is having an off day but they overwhelm them.

He hears Sole screaming as they’re wrestled to the ground, ferals biting and scratching through their clothes to get to their skin. He barely remembers what comes next, in his mind he’s trapped back with Lucy trying to save Duncan but when he comes to again his hands are bloody and torn.

The whole thing comes flooding back and he assumes the worst, reliving his nightmare again but he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder. Sole is behind him, standing behind the couch he’s suddenly in, and they’re clearly wounded but alright. He sees bitemarks on them and fights the urge to cry but the tears come anyway. At least this time he could save Sole before they got them.

Piper knows she’s not winning any popularity contests in Diamond City but she’s surprised at how many people seem opposed to Sole specifically. On a good night they’ll be left alone, maybe swap some stories with some random passerby, but more often than not someone has to voice their opinion.

Sole is used to it by now and tries to take it in stride. Theres plenty of drunk idiots at the Dugout Inn and there’s no reason to deal with all of them. This time, however, it doesn’t seem to be enough. Sole turns around to ask them to please leave but the person in question brings out a knife and stabs them in the abdomen.

Piper can’t help but to scream and rush to catch Sole who clutches their stomach and stumbles backwards with blood gushing out from their fingers. The person quickly scatters in the crowd but Piper doesn’t care. She screams for help and luckily people may dislike Sole but not that many dislike them enough to want to see them dead and someone gets a cloth to press on the wound.

Soles spends a few weeks in bed, resting and moaning everytime they turn around in bed and everytime Piper feels a sickening guilt spill over. It could’ve been worse. A knife in your stomach is more often than not lethal. She has to pay more attention, she owes that to Sole. Piper keeps thinking what life would be like if Sole died and everytime it makes her sob into her scarf.

Preston believes in the best of people and that no one is above another. Luckily Sole believes the same. They almost feel like a reward for all the horrible things he’s had to endure and he can’t tell them enough how glad he is they’re with him.

He doesn’t want to imagine the place he’d be in if it hadn’t been for them saving him. But when Sole neglects to tend to a minor wound that ends up infected, it’s all he thinks about. What if this is it? What if the universe is taking back his one good thing, the one glowing ember in the ashes?

Preston doesn’t know how to act. Things seem to move on in the rest of the world, people take care of themselves in the settlements that Sole built, but for Preston nothing is moving. He barely breathes. He sits by their bed and wipes the feversweat from their forehead, he talks to them when they’re in such deep sleep it looks like death.

Will he sit by their grave like this too?

Gage has seen Sole do some pretty fucked up things and come out of it more or less unharmed. It seems like nothing really cuts them deep enough to make a dent which seems perfect for a troublemaker.

Who would’ve known a simple antbite would be enough to make them fall deathly ill and lie in bed for several weeks? Their leg swells up to twice its size and it turns an awful purple shade while a fever rages in their body, making him think for sure that’s that. No coming back from that one.

He doesn’t really know how to feel about it. He hasn’t really cared enough about someone else before and the way he’s feeling now he doesn’t think he ever will. Gage is more angry than anything, but not at Sole. He’s furious that something as inane as a bugbite might take them out when they’ve done so many incredible things normal humans shouldn’t be able to.

But more than that he’s angry to think he might end up alone again. As pathetic as it makes him sound, he needs them. Their comfort, their company… their laughter. He sits outside their room most of the time, unable to face them but unable to leave. All he can do is hope that the chems he’s scavenged are enough.

[its-percival-not-percy]

Whumptober Day III

This is also the first time I have ever written in this fandom, let me know if it should be the last time. I am not a native english person, so I apologize for all mistakes, they are mine. Sorry. I still dont have a betareader, but i love critical role. I am @loves-already-won​ on main. He was drowning in freezing water again, he was so sure of it, like he did before when he escaped from Whitestone. - Percy is sick.

Percy did not remember everything. He remembered getting up one morning, but time was practically nonexistent now, so he was not sure when it was. He also remembered being led back to bed by someone. Someone he loved. There was not much after that, at least not much that would make any sense to him. It was too warm, everything burned around him, the same moment as he felt himself freezing again, freezing and even worse, drowning, and then there was something in his mouth and then he couldn't breathe again, water, water making him drown.

He was drowning in freezing water again, he was so sure of it, like he did before when he escaped from Whitestone.

Drowning. Freezing. Burning.

“Please… please no-”

Percival was not a man to beg. He would rather chew off his tongue, but he was back, back in the cell down, deep down the castle he called home, home to his family, his parents, his siblings. He woke up in the dungeons again, chained to the cold floor and he couldn’t move. He tried to breathe but Ripley was there, he could hear her voice and he could not keep himself from begging her to stop. He saw her with Cassandra, he saw Cassandras still form in the snow, so small, his sister, his younger sister, who freed him, and she died, her blood the only warmth in the cold snow. The scene kept changing too fast after that. He begged Ripley to stop.

To stop.

But she cuts his lungs open, he still felt it, she asked questions but he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know what she wants and she kept hurting him.

And he can’t keep himself from screaming.

Vex must have fallen asleep in her chair more than just mere minutes ago. She felt it in the way her neck cracked when she moved her head, one look to see no change, Percy still laying in his bed, not moving apart from silent whimpers that escape his lips from time to time. She stood up, moved to loosen her muscles, keeping her eyes on the still white-haired form under the blankets. She was not the only worried one - Keyleth sat here before her, and Vax would be here taking it from her, no doubt bullying her into getting real sleep. They worried since yesterday morning, when Percy appeared for breakfast, white as a sheet, not eating more than a bit of bread and buried himself in his workshop after that, where Vex found him asleep hours later, dragging him off to bed with minimal effort. But he only seemed slightly feverish, having caught, nothing more he convinced them, but as time passed by it became worse, fever holding him in a tight grip, his nightmares causing him so scream. When she took over from Keyleth he was talking in celestial, breath hitching until a coughing fit caught him that made him pass out afterwards.

And now it was night, she could see the moon from the window if she payed it any attention, but she didn’t. She sat down on the bed, dipping a cloth in water and wiping Percy face clean from a mixture of tears and sweat. The other bowl next to the bed was blissfully empty after he vomited up what seemed like everything he had eaten in the last days. The healing spell hadn’t taken any effect, neither did the potion they forced him to drink when he first started to become delirious. And delirious he was. Talking in his sleep, screaming, but mostly just mumbling in all his languages, talking to people, to family who were not there. Not anymore.

“Please, no, stop, I-” He turned his head away from the cold, a violent shiver running through his body.

“Shh… Percy, Percival, you’re home. You’re okay. It’s okay…” She put the cloth away. Of course she knew of his nightmares, they all did, for as much time as they now traveled together it would have been impossible to keep it a secret. They knew. They grew so close over the last months. They became a family of choice.

She liked to think about that, sometimes. About how they all found each other, finding a new family in the process after losing one. Vex of course had Vax, but they were the only ones left. Percy seemed to be the last one of his. Grog had been left to die alone. Scanlan, Pike, Keyleth, they all had needed this. But it was foolish to pretend that everything was fine just because they were close - they all had their own darkness. Percy still thought himself to be less valuable than the others. It had gotten better over time, but she could still feel it breaking through. She wanted to punch him for not telling them that he wasn’t feeling well sooner, wanted to punch herself for not being more suspicious that morning, even if her rational part told her, that it was already too late then. When had it started? What was this illness? Why was it so bad?

She put a gentle hand on his burning forehead, stroking away a few strands of hair plastered there. He whimpered again, a sound so unusual for him.

“No- not- not you, no-” She bit her lip and adjusted the blankets, just so he was comfortable, the only thing she could do at this moment. He was shivering again, she noticed, before she turned her attention back to his face. His flickering eyes, as if he was struggling to open them. She wasn’t sure if she wanted him to wake up like this, when there was no doubt he would be confused, wouldn’t be able to tell dream from reality at this moment. He had lashed out earlier, fighting against the grip of both Keyleth and Vax, surprisingly strong for his condition, before he went completely limp. There was no sign of him returning to consciousness since then, and Pike thought that worrysome, Vex had seen it in her face.

But there it was, a quiet moan and his eyes were open. Glassy, wet, staring at her. He mumbled something she couldn’t understand, one time, another, louder now, enough for her ears to pick it up. At least he wasn’t talking celestial this time, like he did before.

“I don’t know, I don’t know what you want… I don’t… I don’t know…” His voice was weak, tired. He seemed so confused it broke her heart, but she was grateful he seemed lucid enough not to lash out.

“Percy, it’s okay. It’s Vex, nobody’s going to hurt you, darling. It’s okay, you hear me? It’s okay… You’re delirious, you’re seeing things that are not there. It’s just the fever playing tricks with you, you’re safe, you’re with me.”

“No, you’re dead, you… you died, I saw you, she-” Vex managed a sad smile and took one of his shaking hands in hers, bringing it up to her lips to press a gentle kiss on his knuckles.

“I’m fine. Everybody’s fine, and you will be, you’re very sick.”

“You’re… Where…” He turned his head to the side, then back, looking at her again with that confused, hurt look on his face.

“What did I do…” He starts but can’t get there when he starts coughing again, violently this time, gagging at his own breaths as she gently turns him to the side to help him, stroking his back. There is nothing but a bit of water coming out of his mouth, no blood, thankfully. The way he coughed she was scared to have him cough up blood. It took minutes of coughing, harsh breathing and gasping for air until she gently wiped his face again, placing the cloth on his forehead even when he tried to turn away. The small movement had taken too much out of him, and she could feel him burning under her fingers.

“Nothing wrong, we’re home, Percy. We’re home, darling. Keyleth was here, Vax will come over any minute now. Scanlan talked about soup, but I don’t know if you should drink it, when he manages to get it together. Pike tried to heal you up, but whatever you caught, magic couldn’t cure it. So we’re here with you, and you don’t have to worry, we’re taking care of you, okay?” No answer, even though his eyes were still open and he looked at her.

“Vex?” His voice was calmer now, his breathing more even, even if she could still hear it, hear the way he struggled.

“Yes, yes it’s me.”

“Good… That is good…”

She didn’t let go of his hand for the rest of the night.

“Percy, can you open your eyes for me? Just a moment, please?”

It was warm. He was not freezing anymore, there was no water to drown him. No snow. It wasn’t cold, also not hot. Just… soft. He felt like he was floating. The voice was nice, actually quite nice, and he really wanted to keep floating for a few more minutes, rubbing his nose on soft sheets and dream of a room full of clocks, but he heard the voice and he wouldn’t be much of a gentleman to ignore it, he thought, so he obeyed.

It’s harder than he thought it should be, blinking heavy eyelids open, shutting them again when there is too much light, it’s too bright, trying again a moment later. Names come to him, he blinks at them tiredly, Pike, Vax’ildan, Pikes hand on his chest, Vax’s arms crossed, a frown on his face, not looking at him but at Pike. He vaguely remembered Vex, Vex being here with him, but his mind was foggy. Too foggy to remember. Voices, again.

“I called you when it felt like his fever was breaking, what do you think?” A male voice, also, nice. Voices floating around him, as he continued to float, letting his eyes fall close again. It’s okay. I’m home.

Thank you for reading ^^ Maty

[thepersephonecabin]

Legacy and Bullshit Mindfuckery (fic)

Summary: Luvander has two things for the Adamo’s first child: a gift and a wish.

Please see full tags and warnings AO3

Note: So... How did we get here? Well, basically, when I was writing A Very Adamo Christmas for @foxesonstilts for the @festivebastion exchange I meant to put in a short bit about a Luvander giving Laure and Adamo’s first child a very special gift, but forgot until after finishing FestiveBastion. So I told myself I was gonna write a small addition, and then my latent need to see the airmen recover after the war took over and suddenly I had a 4k+ luvander character study on my hands. And also about halfway through my if-i-dont-write-this-right-now-i-will-never-sleep craze a tiny part of my brain was like “you should make luvander a trans man for absolutely no reason” and I did and actually really liked the way it fit into the story.

So anyway, I hope you enjoy!

-

A day and a half following the birth of Rory Adamo, Luvander found himself on the doorstep of the Greylace Estate once again. Wrapped in one arm, he cradles a soft drawstring bag, cream in color with a light pink ribbon around the top.

He didn’t bother knocking as he shouldered his way through the doorway. Even though he still primarily lived out of the apartment above the hat shop, this place was dragon territory, and therefore as far as he was concerned, it was his home as well.

“Hello?” he called out, slipping his shoes off at the door. Maybe if he was really lucky, Rook would come in and pitch a fit about like he would in the good old days.

Balfour emerged from the lounge with a book cracked open in his hands and questioning eyes. “Oh, Luvander. It’s you.”

“It’s me,” Luvander confirmed. “Where’s the chief and his young lady love? I had something I wanted to bring to them.”

“They’re in their bedroom, I think,” Balfour said before quickly amending, “Oh, no, not like that! I think it was just time to change her.”

“Ah,” Luvander said. “How is the not-so-little tyke anyway?”

Balfour smiled and began leading him up the stairs to Laure and Owen’s room as if Luvander hadn’t been there not two days ago. “Oh, you know. She sleeps and eats and poops and cries. Lucky the three of us don’t room up in the same area of the house as Chief Sergeant and Airlady Adamo or I’m sure we’d all be knackered already.

The three of us. Luvander knew he meant the three Second Wavers outside of Laure of course. Luvander felt a sick little spark of jealousy flare up in his stomach and not for the first time at their mention before he stamped it out with the guilt of it all.

Balfour continued, “Mom and Dad are still smitten with her though. I wager that by the sixth week in they might be out of the honeymoon stage.”

“Sixth? I don’t know if I could make it to the second,” Luvander said. Of course, he was happy to have a little niece to dote on, but Luvander had never seen much draw in the idea of having a baby you couldn’t return to its rightful owners when it began to shit itself.

Balfour laughed good-naturedly, “I think Adamo’s a bit more levelheaded than you, however.”

Luvander shrugged. “Maybe so, but I’ll stick to my instinct and take you up on that bet.”

They’d reached the Adamo bedroom now, and throught the door Luvander thought he could hear the baby’s wordless vocalization (Did most newborns make this much noise when they weren’t crying or was this one just especially talkative, he wondered) paired with Laure’s laugh and the low tenor of Adamo’s voice.

Balfour turned to him, touching Luvander’s elbow softly through his coat. Balfour wasn’t wearing his gloves today, Luvander observed. Good, he thought, he shouldn’t feel like he needed to hide them, especially not here, not with family.

“Before you go in…” Balfour began, “I wanted to ask how you were doing. I know Ghislain sailed out.”

Luvander resisted the urge to grimace. He liked to tell himself he did an okay job of deflecting everyone else’s attention away from his persistent problems with loneliness. On the good days he cracked enough jokes and sarcastic witticisms to keep the people around him too entertained to notice. On the bad days he threw himself into overworking, holed up in his workroom with little sleep and becoming overly perfectionistic about whatever he was working on until he felt like tearing it all apart again. But on the best days Ghislain was home, in this place Ghislain didn’t even think of as his home, but the place Luvander was, which in Luvander’s mind designated it as Ghislain’s home nonetheless.

Balfour, however had always been the one he couldn’t fool, and it was a fact that needled at him constantly. He didn’t enjoy it when others looked past the mask he’d so carefully crafted for himself like one of his custom hats.

Not that Luvander had anyone but himself to blame for that. Balfour always suspected Luvander’s yearning for affection and attention and approval had been more than the average loneliness, but then Luvander just had to go and fuck it up even further.

It had been at least a year and a half or maybe even two when it happened. He, Raphael, Balfour, and Rook had been drinking (because of course they had) in Balfour’s room at the Greylace Estate. These rooms were a damn sight bigger and nicer than the ones in the Old Airman, a fact that Luvander could never parse out about whether he appreciated or was annoyed by. As such, Balfour had set up a couch and a few chairs to fill the space between his bed and the opposite wall. Ever since Raphael turned up again, they’d started having little get togethers one or twice a month, alternating whose place hosted.

Then Thom’d been offered a job as a professor (a real one this time) at the ‘Versity and Rook had come back to Thremedon bitching and complaining the whole way back from whatever adventure they’d been on when they received the letter. Apparently Thom had already begun writing a letter back declining the offer when Rook found out and through some well-intentioned bullying and ripping of half-finished correspondence got Thom to accept. From Luvander’s understanding, Thom had decided immediately to pass on the job in order to continue looking after his older brother, knowing that Rook had very important reasons for staying away from Thremedon. He couldn’t ask Rook to go back there, and he didn’t feel comfortable letting Rook travel alone without eventually winding up dead in a ditch from asphyxiating from his own vomit either. According to him, Rook’s mental health had markedly approved once the Dragonsoul was destroyed and th’Esar’s plans thwarted. He’d finally been able to properly grieve, Thom said, but that didn’t mean he was ready to part ways and risk Rook relapsing without him to drag him out of it.

Rook found all this out and stubbornly refused to go along with that “bullshit mindfuckery” Thom was always practicing on account of the fact that teaching at the University had always been Thom’s dream job, and he would be damned if his little brother threw it away for his sorry ass. After all, while the ‘Versity had improved in regards to letting in more students from poorer walks of life since Thom had been awarded for his work with the Airmen, the same improvement hadn’t come in regards to hiring choices. For all any of them knew, this might be the last time a mollyrat was offered a job at the Empire’s highest learning institution in a long, long time. So, back to Thremedon they came, and Luvander, Balfour and Raphael’s little survivor’s club had expanded from three to four members. (There had always been an open invitation to Adamo as well, but he only rarely took them up on it.)

So, anyway, they’d been drinking thoroughly and Luvander more thoroughly than the rest. It’d been months since Ghislain had come to port- not his fault, some jobs simply took longer than expected- and Luvander was in the pits. That said, he’d been holding it together pretty admirably that night, and it had all been fine until Rook and Raphael left. Raphael said he had Royal Guard duty the next day- it was a job offer Luvander, Ghislain and Raphael had all received from the Esarina herself after she’d almost died by her own guards that night when they’d had to rescue the Adamos. Raphael had been the only one to accept.

But so when Raphael stood up to leave and appropriate one of the Estate’s carriages Rook also decided to leave “before the Professor starts hyperventilating over me” and figured it would just be easier to go back in one carriage. It was, in sober retrospect, a suspiciously sensical thing to come out of Rook Molly’s mouth, but who knew anymore. Luvander didn’t know what kind of bullshit mindfuckery Thom had exposed that man too while they were travelling, but Rook’d been all kinds of weird since they’d come back and by “weird” Luvander meant “vaguely decent.”

The two of them took their leave and after that the details grew fuzzy, but he did remember drunkenly confessing his depression about missing Ghislain to Balfour and Balfour being nothing but supportive as understanding.

“You’re so sweet,” Luvander had told him, slurring his words and cupping the other man’s cheek. “You know that? You’ve always been so sweet, Balfour. Sometimes I wonder how someone as sweet as you got mixed up with all of us selfish ingrates. You always deserved so much better than us. Hell, if you’d never met us assholes, you’d still have your hands.”

Balfour blushed and looked away. “My hands weren’t your guys fault, and even if I don’t have them, I have my girl and all of you. Besides, I’m not so inno-“

And that had been as far as he’d gotten before Luvander launched himself into Balfour’s lap and shoved their mouths together.

Now, it’s important to note that Luvander had always been a touchy drunk. He’s sure he’d made passes at all thirteen of the other airmen more times than he could count while trashed out of his mind. He even had one absolutely disastrous incident with Adamo that had gotten a very stern talking to about appropriate relationships between a superior officer and his subordinates the next morning. Luvander had deeply respected the things Adamo said to him at the time despite the massive hangover he was fighting his way through as he said it and the urge he had to hang himself rather than have this conversation at all. That didn’t mean he hadn’t brought up the irony of it in his speech at Laure and Adamo’s wedding, though.

Which was all to say that Luvander was no stranger to make-out sessions with his friends after a few too many drinks. In fact, drunken fooling around had been the bedrock upon which his entire relationship with Ghislain was founded. Even after Luvander and Ghislain were “official” they’d kept the relationship fairly open because Luvander wasn’t the sort to abstain from sex for months at a time while his lover was at sea. It had simply come with the condition that if anything that strayed from the “casual sex” territory and into the “feelings” territory had be to discussed- Ghislain wasn’t jealous about Luvander being with other people physically, but he was jealous about having to share Luvander’s heart and overprotective at times about the idea of someone taking advantage of Luvander’s emotions.

This had been different though. This kiss with Balfour hadn’t been borne of happy delirium or playfulness like most of his less-than-sober escapades were. This had been borne of deep, deep sorrow. A desperate effort to patch a leak in a dam ready to burst. The other reason it was different was because Balfour had only had had two drinks that night, and Luvander had had at least five times that.

On the bright side, if one had to have such a mortifying experience in their lives, Luvander could think of very few people better to have it with than Balfour Vallet.

The epitome of gentlemanly behavior, Balfour had gently broken off the kiss and softly and without malice told him that they couldn’t do this, not when Luvander was so intoxicated. Luvander had nodded and understood, but then broken into wracking sobs as he blubbered about how fucking alone he felt all the time. Balfour let him cling to him like a security blanket even though Luvander was still straddling him and repeatedly assured him that he didn’t care if Luvander covered his shirt with snot and tears.

Then Luvander woke up the next morning on Balfour’s couch with a blanket draped over him. His clothes were all intact with the exception of his shoes and his binder which he had a bad habit of sleeping in and Balfour knew it. Balfour must have peeled it off once Luvander had passed out along with the boots and then buttoned Luvander’s shirt back up and even replaced his signature scarf. Both binder and boots were now neatly laid out on the coffee table with care.

There were still a few bottles of alcohol too, and ordinarily he might have been tempted to drink them. This time though, he reckoned he’d done enough damage under the influence for one day.

That was about when Balfour appeared, already dressed for the day and carrying a tray of water and coffee. “Oh, you’re awake,” he’d said, kicking the door shut behind him. He sat next to Luvander on the couch and set the tray on the table. “I hope you don’t mind that I took off your…” he said awkwardly, wringing his hands like he always did.

It took Luvander a moment to understand he was talking about the binder. “Oh. Oh no, it’s- Balfour, I know you’d never do anything to me or go further than protecting my ribs from some rather tragic pain in the morning. And it’s not anything you haven’t seen in the showers before. If anything I think when it comes to invasions of peoples’ personal boundaries, I should be the one apologizing to you right now. What happened last night… the way I just went after like that was unconscionable and I promise it will never happen again. In fact, I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest if you never wanted to see me again.”

Balfour looked shocked. “Of course, I don’t want that. What happened last night wasn’t ideal, obviously, but you were plastered and having a rough day. I get it.”

Luvander could’ve both laughed and cry at that. “But it wasn’t just a bad day. It was… Bal, I think I have a problem.” He could practically feel the bile coming up just from saying those words out loud, but he told himself that if there was ever the time to admit it to anyone, this was it so he continued: “I think maybe I always had. Even before Xi’an it was like this, just not as intense or constant. I don’t know how to be alone. I don’t know how to feel unimportant or like I’m not the center of attention without letting it control me. When there were fourteen of us I could ignore it, right? Because there was always someone around, but now…” He wiped away tears with his scarf and adjusted it anxiously. “And, like, the way this place just fucking tossed all of us out like yesterday’s trash the second they didn’t need us anymore and that blasted medal ceremony was over didn’t exactly help.”

Balfour nodded slowly. “I think I know the feeling or at least a fraction of it. I felt so isolated and broken at the end of the war, but even before that I… well, I suppose I always felt like I was second to Amery.”

Luvander felt another pang of guilt. None of them had been sure how to react when Balfour replaced his brother in the Corps, but Rook more than anyone. Before Amery died he’d been the one of them that Rook was closest to, so Balfour’s presence was anything but welcome to him. So, whenever Rook had a problem, Balfour was usually who he took it out on. And Luvander had always just let him. Because sometimes crossing Rook was like crossing god in that house, but it didn’t excuse how cowardly he’d been.

 “Got feminine parts between his legs, airman’s honor.”

That’s what Rook had said about Balfour when he’d tried to be kind to Thom that first day when the Professor had them do introductions. Even then, Luvander, the real one with “feminine parts” among them was sitting right there, and he hadn’t said shit to stop Rook.

(Luvander had always felt Rook didn’t mind trans men as much as he minded trans women. Something about the way trying to be more masculine was seen as noble, while trying to be more feminine made you a Mary in a world where women were always seen as lesser. But he also felt like Rook’s somewhat backwards and begrudging acceptance of Luvander’s presence was conditional, like it was something that he was able to revoke at the barest hint of insubordination. Luvander was tolerated as long as he fought well and shut up and was cruel like him, but that didn’t mean it was real. At least Thom had seemed to have trained some of that out of Rook over the years, but it was still a nagging fear for Luvander.)

Luvander didn’t say any of that. He just said, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix it.” I don’t know how to fix me.

Balfour escorted him to the ‘Versity after that and made him talk to Thom about it. Thom being Thom, of course, looked at it as the academic he was. He talked about all kinds of fancy words like ‘schizoid’ and ‘histrionic’ and ‘dependent personality’. Basically, Thom said he couldn’t be sure exactly what the problem was without examining further. But he assured Luvander that there were coping mechanism they could try and that he had colleagues from the ‘Versity that he could ask for more medically focused advice as compared to Thom’s social theory perspectives.

Bullshit mindfuckery, Luvander remembered. As much as he wasn’t thrilled at the idea of Thom “examining” his psyche, he was significantly less thrilled about a perfect stranger doing it. At least he could trust Thom. At least Thom knew jackshit about how the airmen worked beyond the court gossip and bards’ song and those fucking statues that made them war heroes and not real people anymore. At least Thom was there when he woke up on an infirmary bed unable to talk for how deep his throat had been slit only to find out that four out of fourteen of them had come back. Even if Thom had been beside himself with grief, unaware that number five, Rook, was still breathing somewhere out there, at least Thom had borne witness for himself what they’d gone through, and Luvander wasn’t about to have to hash all of that to someone new.

But he couldn’t sit on his hands and not accept help when it was offered. Because he’d made Balfour a promise. He’d promised that he would never kiss Balfour again without fair and honest consent, plastered or not, and he’d meant it. He had so few friends left in this world. He wasn’t about to lose another due to his own selfishness and stupidity.

And so, he gave himself into the bullshit mindfuckery. He’d been meeting with Thom once every one or two weeks (or more than that if something set him off and crisis called for it). It was helping, Luvander thought. Slowly but surely.

Back in the present, Luvander shrugged at Balfour noncommittally. “It sucks, but I’m seeing the Professor tomorrow. And I guess now if I need someone to keep me company I could come and let the baby keep me busy so Mom and Dad can have some alone time.”

Balfour smiled at him. “You could have come over anyway. Well, I won’t push for specifics, but if you want to talk later…”

“I know where to find you,” Luvander confirmed.

Balfour gave him a bigger smile now. “Okay. I’ll let you talk to them then,” he said, and began descending the stairs, leaving Luvander at the at the door to the Adamo’s room.

He knocked briskly on the door and heard the Chief say, “Come in,” from the other side.

When Luvander opened the door, he found Laure on the bed over the covers cradling not-so-little Rory and making faces at her. Adamo was over by the radiator holding a bottle over the heat.

“Ah, I thought I heard someone out there talking to Balfour,” Laure said. “I didn’t know you were coming over today, but then again, I don’t think the pregnancy brain is totally out of my system yet.”

Laved waved moved to sit on the bed at her feet and waved her off with a hand. “It was unannounced. I had a gift for the baby and thought I’d bring it over.”

“Oh, that was thoughtful of you,” Adamo remarked walking over. To his credit, he only let a sliver of the wariness of a man who put up with thirteen uncontrollable ever-pranking monsters with dubious respect for authority for Regina even knows how long it’s been slip into his voice.

Luvander took the drawstring bag from the crook of his elbow and held it in his lap. “Well, I started working on this once you announced she was on her way. I guess I could have given it to you earlier, but it just felt like I should wait to give it to Rory in person. And of course, I didn’t exactly know you would choose to go into labor in a blizzard, so I didn’t have it on me the other night.”

He had a million things to say, a million possible preambles he could make, but he figured it was best to just show them. So, he pulled open the drawstrings, reached in, and pulled the carefully constructed figure of silver-grey fabric and held it up for inspection.

Adamo looked too shocked to say anything. Laure’s mouth had dropped into a soft “o” shape. But Rory had caught sight of her new toy and vocalized with one hand in her mouth and the other reaching out toward him with demanding hands. Bossy, he thought, Like her dad.

“I’m not sure I got all the details right since I was working off memory, plus she never really let me get that close to her anyway, but… Here she is,” Luvander said, because in his hands was a very small plush dragon.

“Is that…” Laure began.

“Proudmouth,” Adamo breathed. “Can I see her?”

“Of course,” Luvander said.

Adamo took it from him as if squeezing too hard would make it turn to nothing in his hands, turning it from side to side to see all the craftsmanship Luvander had put into it. Embroidered patterns where Proudmouth’s metal had been engraved, carefully cut and stabilized fabric made to take the shape of gears, a brass-colored ribbon where brass-colored brass reigns would’ve been. Every detail down to the shape of her claws had taken hours to craft and even more hours of meditating and sifting through bittersweet memories to recover. And here were the fruits of his labor all pieced together. Finally, Adamo let out a breath and said, “Looks just like her.”

“Well when you two starting talking about having kids, I wanted think of something special I could pass down to them, and eventually thought, well, every Adamo needs a dragon, right?” Luvander said. “So, I settled myself of making a different for each of your kids, if you have more that is. And it felt important that Rory got Proudmouth as your firstborn. I think… I think if things had turned out differently than they did Proudmouth could have been her birthright what with the way Anastasia picked two Vallets in a row to ride her.”

Adamo’s face as always was had to read, but somehow with a dragon in his hands, he looked years younger, and Luvander could tell whatever he was feeling he was feeling a lot of it.

Then Adamo smiled and said, “Thank you. It’s perfect, Luvander, really. I guess we should give Rory her girl and see if they choose each other.”

He passed the dragon to his daughter’s grasping hands, and they all watched as Rory immediately pulled Proudmouth to her chest.

“I think that’s your answer,” Laure laughed, dabbing at her eyes.

And in that moment, it seemed to Luvander that the world shone brighter. Welcoming a new generation was always hard, especially when the old one had lost so much, but it felt nice to be able to give the Airmen a proper legacy- one that wasn’t bronzed in statues, written in theses, or whispered behind hands at palace balls. But one that was simple- from father to daughter. And wrapped up in that gifted legacy was a wish, the most powerful wish Luvander had ever made, sewn into every stitch and seam: I wish that the ones who come after us won’t need our bullshit mindfuckery in the first place.

And then, Rook ruined the moment when they all heard a loud bang of the front door opened way too forcefully, followed by “BASTION FUCKING DAMNIT, WHO LEFT THEIR BOOTS IN THE DAMNED DOORWAY, I THOUGHT I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE!”

Laure, Owen, and Luvander all looked at each other, and all at once they burst into laughter.

[banditthewriter]

Southbound - Ryan Brenner

Prompt: maybe reader is running from something and they meet. Just something on the actual train, traveling. Never seen anything like that for Ryan yet. He's always in a town. Anyway. Hope you are inspired. I remember a drabble forever ago like that Prompter: @russosprettydiamondnow

I believe you meant this drabble. I took bits and pieces of that, the rest of your request, and the song Southbound from Jackie and Ryan to create... whatever this is. I hope you like it!

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists! *gif not mine* Enjoy!

*****

The train was beginning to rumble, the wheels turning ever so slightly. You checked both directions before you threw your bag into the open car, back towards the space that was hidden in the dark. The gloves made it difficult to get a good grip and you had a moment of worry that you wouldn’t make it before the train sped up.

A hand wrapped around your wrist and you felt a tug. A body emerged from the darkness and you were met with what looked like a pair of black eyes.

“On three,” the man said as he counted down.

On three he tugged you up just as you jumped. Right on time as the train finally gathered enough speed to really get moving. You stumbled into the man that had helped you up, your breathing heavy as you tried to ignore how close you had come to not making it.

“Thank you,” you said cautiously as you finally stepped away from him, your eyes darting over to where you had thrown your bag.

It was resting next to his bags and you wondered if you had hit him with it when you had tossed it. You moved over and grabbed it, the familiar sensation of moving in a train car that was barreling down the tracks feeling as normal to you as walking on solid ground.

He gave you a quick nod before he moved over to this side of the car. He looked as comfortable on the train as you did, his feet not faltering once. As he settled down, you saw him position himself with his bags strategically so that if he had to run, he could do it quickly.

A regular, you decided as you sat down with your back against the wall of the car. He was on the other side, his body angled just enough towards yours that you could see him when light filtered in through the open door you had just climbed through.

And just as you were watching him, he was watching you. You didn’t notice it at first, that feeling of being stared at, but you caught a glimpse of his dark eyes as the light shone on them just right.

“I can move to another car if you’re…”

Uncomfortable, your mind supplied. And while you were grateful that he offered to leave, you weren’t about to make him hop train cars in the pitch dark. You hadn’t traveled with someone in a while but you didn’t think he was a danger to you.

Not that you were going to operate on faith alone.

“You were here first,” you said instead with a shrug. Then you gave your bag a brief pat. “Plus I have pepper spray.”

He laughed and you caught a quick glimpse of a nod. He didn’t seem to be offended by your statement at least.

There was something in his hand, something the light glinted off of. You were about to rethink your decision to let him stay when it lit up. Dim and small, it was enough to recognize that it was a cell phone. A cheap one, purchased at a gas station or something like it.

It wasn’t like you missed the mindless scrolling on Facebook, but you to admit that you missed Netflix sometimes.

The time seemed to stretch on from there. At some point he had leaned back, his head resting against the metal wall. You could tell from brief bright spots that he was kept glancing at you. With every glimpse you wondered if he was going to introduce himself or if you’d just refer to him as your silent companion.

“I’m Y/N,” you offered across the space between the two of you.

“Ryan,” he said with a smile. He gave a quick look around the car and then back to you. “Going my way?”

You smiled and shifted a little against the hard floor under you.

“At least until the next stop.”

He smiled again and tilted his head back. You took it to mean the end of the conversation, at least for now, but you couldn’t help but notice his eyes darting to you before he closed them.

------

The train had stopped and you knew that the men would be making their way up and down the cars to make sure that there weren’t any stowaways. Ryan had offered to stick with you until you were both out of the station since this seemed to be where both of you were making a temporary stop.

It’d been a few days on the train together, taking turns keeping watch while the other slept or while you transferred from one car to another to keep from being discovered. There wasn’t a conversation about it; you both just fell into the habit.

Now Ryan was tugging you towards an abandoned building right off the tracks, pressing you back so that you were more hidden than he was. The sound of someone coming by had you tugging Ryan in closer to make sure that he was hidden as well.

His guitar case rested against your hip as he molded his body against yours, his head tilted to keep an ear out for the man that was nearby.

How long had it been since you’d been this close to a person? Hell, how long had it been since you spoke to another person?

Ryan turned his head back to you, opening his mouth to say something. You watched his tongue dart out and wet his bottom lip, those dark brown eyes moving over your face. This close you could smell the layer of sweat that probably covered both of you, the smell of trains and the cold air. His hat was tugged a little low on his head, darkening his eyes, but you couldn’t look away.

Could he hear your heart beating faster? Did he see the way your breath caught when your eyes met his?

He stepped backwards and gave you a brief nod.

“He’s gone,” he said as he looked out towards the street. “I guess this is where we say goodbye.”

You swallowed and shifted your bag on your shoulders. He had a bag over his shoulder and that ever present guitar hanging from his hand.

“Or,” you said uncertainly as you looked away, feigning nonchalance, “we could keep traveling together? You said that you weren’t headed anywhere particularly and, well, neither am I.”

The silence drew your eyes back to him. Ryan tilted his head a bit and you could see a smile growing on his lips.

“Sounds like a good idea,” he said simply as he looked out towards the street once more. “Want to get something to eat? I know someone here that would be happy to let us crash on their couch for a few days while we figure out where we want to go next.”

And just like that, you weren’t alone anymore.

------

“Portland is about a two day trip,” Ryan said as he tapped his fingers against the map that was spread out between the two of you on the table. “Or, I don’t know, maybe we could double back? You said you were from this area, right?”

Six months of traveling with Ryan and you were surprised that this was the first time you’d come this close to home. Or what had been home once upon a time.

“I don’t want to go back there,” you said firmly, your eyes not moving from the map.

His hand reached out and hesitantly covered yours. In the time you had been traveling with Ryan he was always respectful and courteous. He was a tactile person, something you hadn’t expected for some reason, but he was always so careful with you.

You had woken him up more than once with your startled screams. The first time he had looked so surprised and worried about you that you’d let it slip out without meaning.

“I was in an abusive relationship,” you had said as you futilely tried to curl your fingers into the wooden floor of the train car you were in. “He uh, it uh. I left, but I guess some of it followed me.”

You hadn’t given him more than that and he never asked. Both of you had shared bits and pieces of your lives, unable to travel for six months without sharing something personal. 

You knew about his rough childhood, his lack of any support or people to rely on. He told you how he got into train jumping and why he preferred it to any other way of life.

In return you told him about your great uncle being the reason you started riding trains, how you hadn’t made a lot of good choices over the years.

You never talked more about your ex and he didn’t ask.

He still wasn’t asking after your outburst but you could see it in his eyes as his hand covered yours on the table of the coffee house you both had gone into to get out of the heat.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” he explained softly, his eyes darting around to make sure that no one was watching the two of you. “I’d never make you do something like that. I just meant that you knew the area better than I do so you should be the one to pick our next step.”

Ashamed for your outburst, you turned your hand over in his so that you could wrap your fingers around his before you nodded, turning your eyes to the map.

It wasn’t the first touch that you had initiated, but he treated each one like the first. He smiled and cherished the moment, his fingers brushing against yours softly. The touch had once elicited a quiet gasp from you but now you simply smiled and continued to stare at the map.

“This way,” you said as you used your free hand to trace a railroad track in the opposite direction. “It’ll take us somewhere new.”

Ryan squeezed your fingers gently and you looked up to meet his eyes.

“I like new things,” he said with a smile.

------

“Hey,” you whispered as you crept over to where Ryan was sleeping on a pallet on the floor. “Are you still awake?”

He smiled even though his eyes were closed, lifting up the blanket for you to slip in with him. It was another friend of his that were letting you crash but they didn’t have any beds open. Ryan had let you have the couch but it hadn’t felt right.

You curled around him carefully, your fingers drifting over his chest. You had been pleasantly surprised by the tattoos he had, your eyes tracing the ink long before you ever dared to try with your fingers. But now you felt like it was okay, it was allowed.

More than that it was welcomed.

“Bad dream?”

He curved his body towards yours, his eyes still closed as he tugged you in a little closer. You felt his lips brush gently against your cheek and couldn’t help the smile that overcame you.

He was always so careful with you.

“Got used to your snoring,” you joked as you ran your hand over his shoulder and tucking against the back of his neck. “Without that or the sound of a train, I have a hard time falling asleep.”

He dug his fingers teasingly into your side, huffing out a laugh when you wiggled against the touch. When you looked up, you saw that he was staring at you. He raised his hand and brushed his fingers against your jaw.

The touch felt as relaxed and familiar as if he had done it a hundred times before. Things with Ryan had felt like that almost from day one. From that first night he helped you onto the moving train and had introduced himself, you had felt like you had known him your whole life.

Making sure that his eyes were locked on yours, you leaned forward until your lips brushed his. He pulled back an inch, his eyes darting back and forth over yours as if checking before he gave a quick nod. Then he surged forward, claiming your mouth in a kiss that made your entire body melt. He cupped your cheek as he kissed you, his whole body somehow wrapping around you.

“Y/N,” he whispered when he pulled back, smiling as wide as you’d ever seen. “If you only knew how long I’d been wanting to do that.”

You smiled back and rolled your body against his, eager to taste the kiss that you loved to see.

“Show me,” you whispered back, out of breath and blissfully happy.

And he did.

------

The train rambled down the tracks, jostling you where you had been drifting off. You shifted a bit, your head resting on Ryan’s shoulder. He made a noise in the back of his throat and tugged you in closer, his hand on your hip a comforting presence.

Through the partially open car door you could see the scenery rush by, a blur. The train would be getting to your next destination in a few hours and you’d have to wake Ryan up before then so you could both be ready, but there was time for him to rest.

You had once thought that it felt like you had known Ryan your whole life, but that was wrong. It was more like you had climbed onto that train and found something you were missing. Not a part of your heart or your soul or something sappy like that, although you knew Ryan wouldn’t mind the comparison.

You’d found safety in Ryan’s arms. You found a place to call home.

And as long as he was with you, you weren’t worried about anything that you may come upon. You were content to just ride the train and enjoy the journey.

X

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