#started out strong and getting worse hahah

[nyashykyunnie]

˗ˏˋ Historical Au: Slave!Jinwoo x Noble!Reader ◛⑅˚ ༘ ♡ ˎˊ˗

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

・┆✦ Entry : 036 ✦ ┆・

‼️[ TW: Slavery, Violence, Yandere Jinwoo, Familial Abuse, strong language. Please don't read this fic if it is triggering or uncomfortable for you. I do not condone slavery nor do encourage such acts. This is simply a work of fiction ]

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅ Cai Bot Link ♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

╰┈➤ ❝ [ Devotion or Obsession? ] ¡! ❞

"A gift for you, my dear child" Your father mused as an 18 year old teenager, tattered and chained, was dragged to the floor and forced to kneel in-front of you Jinwoo looked up at you with expressionless gray eyes, his face was covered in dirt and his shirt was extremely filthy. "Hi." Jinwoo greeted you humbly.

"Father!" You shrieked, flicking the fabrics of your dress as you hurriedly knelt towards the slave and tried to support his limp figure.

He was hardly even concious with his bleary and sleepy eyes, his clothes are covered in grime and dirt as his face was dusted with blood and something else. He looked not much older nor younger than you, and yet all this man was made of was skin and bones.

"Why so upset, my dear?" Your father sneers, humming as he swirls a glass of wine in his his hand. "It's your birthday after all. Daddy thought that should be gifted, no?"

"But I didn't ask for a slave or anything at all!" You protest, only to be met by a domineering glare that instantly made you close your mouth.

"Be grateful, you goddamn pig" He bites, making you feel even more terrified than you older were. "If it weren't for the fact your fucking wench of a mother making a goddamn fuss before dying you wouldn't be here. The least you could do is accept whatever the fact I give you"

He calms down, continuing "That child was only a few silver coins. If you dont want him I could always give him to your sisters or work him to death."

"N-no!" You protest immediately, shivering at the thought of what your father might decide to do. "I-I'll keep him... I'll take care of him."

"There's a good girl," He chuckles, "Start with the imprinting."

You gulp, anxiously looking at Jinwoo who was tired beside you, he looked like he just wanted to to be done with everything.

"Your... Uhm..." His eyes would sweep towards you with an empty grey gaze. "Name?"

"Jinwoo." He says shortly.

"Alright, uhm, Jinwoo..." You hold your palm out. "It'll tickle, I have't done this before s-so—"

"It's fine." He cuts you off, stretching his scarred left hand towards yours and pressing it together.

You tremble at the touch, not of disgust— But instead you were nervous. If you screw this up, you might get another beating or worse,... Something might happen to Jinwoo.

So with the little mana you hold; you started pouring energy out as a soft gentle light comes as the brilliant and pretty things somehow turned into pitch black and purple shadows— Twisting and churning before attaching themselves to both of your ring fingers.

Jinwoo seemed unamused, but your father certainly was.

"Now, get out of my sight" Your father simply said after recovering from the spectacle. "Your sisters are about to arrive, you bring a sour expression to their wonderful faces, so leave"

You could only respond with a polite bow as you helped Jinwoo up to his feet and guided him out of the main house.

There wasn't even a carriage prepared for the both of you as you silently walked towards the far west inside a forest and then finally arriving at a crude but somehow decent looking manor.

Jinwoo watched and followed you as you guided him to a dusty bedroom and sat him down before fetching a small chest with ointments and bandages. Though his gaze was still empty, he was looking at you with curiosity, wondering why exactly you're doing this.

"I'm your slave," Jinwoo breaks the silence. "Aren't you supposed to leave this to your servants?"

"Hahah... Sorry." You apologize, making him quirk up an eyebrow. "Your master is pathetic, I have no servant in my name."

He doesn't question that situation, instead asking; "Then why do it yourself? I can patch myself up just fine."

"Maybe... Because I feel guilty?" You fidget, applying ointment on him after wiping his arm. "It's my... Birthday and yet because of it you're here. I'm sorry."

"Don't." He simply said, not meeting your eyes as he looks out to the distant skies. outside your broken window. "It's not your fault. And besides, here is better than just wherever."

The silence ensues, nothing much being said any further as you directed Jinwoo to an empty room. He was given a decent place to sleep in. It was odd, since this bedroom seemed more comfortable compared to yours that was even more shabby and dusty.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

It an odd situation, not once did you have ever treat Jinwoo as a slave, you were often on your own in your little garden at the backyard and farming vegetables for both of you to eat.

Jinwoo actively avoided you for quite a while, before deciding that since he lives with you and is technically leeching off of you— He might as well be useful.

And in those days where he helped you, the walls that Jinwoo had built around himself crumbled the more time passed by.

For a while, he was happy, you were happy.

You were both happy.

That was until you had to attend a gathering with your family that had abandoned you.

Of course, you had to dress in your shabby and outdated dress, to which everyone in the ballroom responds with mockery and spite. Jinwoo expected it, sure he's mad, but there's nothing he could do since he is nothing more but a damn slave who cant even defend his own master.

With heads hung low like cowards, the both of you decided to just stay in a corner and be as far away from any and all interactions. It went well for the first hour.

Admiring the brilliant lights and listening to wonderful music around you. Nobility is truly such a beautiful thing, golden plates, silver spoons, brilliant and gleaming jewels stitched into fine fabrics made by highly respectable and sought after tailors.

Jinwoo wanted to admire the scene with you, he truly did.

After all, he spent most of his days being dragged through the mud, his body being flogged over and over just for the fun of a drunk knight, or worse— Hard labour with only a piece of bread you can barely chew on due to how hard it is.

Compared to the grueling days he spent sleeping on the dirt, compared to the devastation he had as he cradled his dearly beloved little sister's corpse when she died of starvation— The sight of these luxurious tiles is mercy upon his pitiful soul.

...

Jinwoo's face drained of it's colours as he watches your elder sister yell at you for simply trying to greet her. A simple greet.

That was all it took for you to be on your knees frantically saying sorry with your voice as humble and as quiet as it can be.

He felt so hopeless, so frozen as he sees your pretty face scrunch in grief at your own actions that isnt even in the wrong in the first place.

So why must you kneel? Why must you humiliate yourself like this?

They stare at you with those sly eyes, as if finding your misery a source of entertainment. Sneers and chuckles would come with each insult being thrown your way.

Was it your fault you were born as the bastard child of the duke when it was your father who willingly went to brothels and slept with multiple women. It wa sonly your mother who stepped up confidently to demand your father to take you in despite the fact that she is currently dying of birth complications. Your mother did all of that just so you could live a comfortable life.

And instead here you were, being punished over something you didn't do.

Isn't family supposed to love eachohter? Jinwoo loved his baby sister so much. So why is he watching another older sibling throw wine at their own blood just for breathing?

Jinwoo felt so... Devastated, his dear companion, his master. His own master— Is being ridiculed right in front of him.

The person he was sold to, the person who took care of him—

"Don't touch him, eonnie!" You scream, throwing yourself right in front of Jinwoo despite the fact you're already soaking wet from the wine splattered all over your pretty face and your already ruined dress. "Please, he's innocent. He's imprinted to me, but he shouldn't receive any punishment. We'll go, eonnie, we'll go. Please don't touch him."

You're protecting him.

That bastard woman would have continued her assault if it werent for her dear father stopping her and saying it's a waste of time dealing with a bunch of lowlifes.

Thus, the two of you were escorted— No, thrown out the main palace.

Jinwoo followed behind you towards the path of your shabby manor, and as the blowing wind caressed your skins,... You broke down.

"Sorry, sorry, Jinwoo." You sob as the man threw his arms around you. "I'm sorry, it was my fault, you shouldn't have seen that. I'm so sorry, Jinwoo. I really am. Please forgive me. Don't be mad at me.

"Why are you asking me those questions?" He asks, his soft voice barely even able to control his trembling voice. "You're my owner, shouldn't I be begging for forgiveness?"

"No, no," You sob even louder.

And Jinwoo couldn't do anything else but comfort you.

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

Jinwoo didnt know how, but he managed to put you into sleep right after taking you home. He delivered some spare clothes to you for you to change in. He tucked you in under the shabby blankets and watched over you.

His gaze was stuck on you, contemplating deeply while guilt slowly clawed at his heart.

Tap, Tap, Tap.

"You'll get her killed." A voice suddenly says, and Jinwoo shot up, blocking his arm in front of you as you slept.

"Who—"

"Shut up"

The voice suddenly came from behind him, and when Jinwoo looked back— He could see a pair of purple eyes glaring at him. He can't quite see the face of the man, it was too pitch black and the moon isnt out tonight. He tried grabbing the vase on the sidetable but something had stopped him.

He can't quite tell, but it was as if the air itself is holding him back as those wicked and colr purple eyes glanced at him from the darkness right beside your sleeping form.

"You really think a damn vase can scare off an intruder?" The man scoffs. "You're pathetic."

"Who are you?" Jinwoo asks again, struggling to move as quiet murmurs surrounded him.

"Some guy" He answers.

"You must be one of those—"

"Ssh." The purple eyes gaze up at him again. "You'll wake the princess up with your voice."

Jinwoo shut his mouth, biting down on his lip as once again he felt so utterly hopeless. Not to mention the air around the stranger was absolutely wicked and somehow... Demonic? Otherwordly?

It was a feeling akin to staring at the abyss, the unkown that makes your skin crawl and itch.

That man is dangerous.

Dangerous But Not Hostile.

"That sister of hers," The man starts, his voice a little tense. "Will get her killed in a few years."

"Excuse me?"

"She'll die, and her blood will be on you, Jinwoo" He grits his teeth. "Just like your sister's who died from starvation, just like your mother who died from sickness, just like your father who died in your arms saving you from a bandit— Her blood will be on your hands just like theirs that is already on you."

"....."

"So quiet, now, huh? You're crying?" He sneers, the voice suddenly coming from behind him. "Crying wont do you any good, you fucking idiot."

"So what exactly do you want me to do?" Jinwoo yells, struggling as he tried to face the man. "I'm not strong, I'm built like a twig. I'm trying, okay? But I'm just a slave. This house is goddamn shabby, I've been trying to fix everything but it's lacking. I can barely even help in the farm, not to mention it's almost winter soon and if she wont die by that bitch's hands then she'll die because of this house! What the hell do you think I can do? I'm trying here and nothing is working!"

"...."

Of course he doesn't want to be in this situation either. Who does? He already lost his family, his blood, his precious kin— All gone and he couldnt do anything about. It was a hopeless situation. Of course, he tried getting a job in the capital since you let him roam as he pleases. He tried some odd jobs, several of them ranging from ordinary helper jobs to cleaning shoes to seeling newspapers; nothing is working.

He lost his family because of his weakness, and because of that same weakness he'll loose you too.

"Hypothetically, you are given a guide to becoming extremely strong to protect her but in the process you loose your sanity along the way as well as your emotions" The voice says, his footsteps echoing in the quiet room as he walked around Jinwoo like a ghost. "How far are you willing to go?"

"Farther than the limit."

"Even if you lose your limbs along the way?"

"Yes."

"Even if you get mauled by beasts?"

"Yes."

"Even if you go mad by the power you'll soon hold?"

"Yes."

"Even if you must become a murderer?"

"Yes."

"I'll do it."

"I'll do it all for her sake."

"Good" The voice hums, satisfied.

Jinwoo starts feeling dizzy, his legs giving in as he felt himself collapse on something soft.

"Protect her." The stranger's tone becomes gentle. "Where I failed to do so, be better than me. Devote yourself to her. Protect the heart that is more precious than anything in this world. Even if you go through hell, you must protect her. You must love her. Give her all the adoration you can ever give. Because I couldn't protect my princess. So don't make the same mistake."

⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪

Jinwoo had received the system from that night ever since. He had been busy from then on, often going out in the day and coming back in the evenings tired but somehow... A little different.

He'd go on long trips sometimes, which you honestly didn't mind so long as he promises to come home.

Soon enough, that same lanky, 18 year old boy— Is suddenly a head taller than you that you physically have to strain your neck just so you can meet with him eye-to-eye. Jinwoo had become from a lanky boy to a different person in just a blink of an eye in a matter of months.

Each long week he disappears; he comes back even more mature and lax in his demeanour. THe next thing you knew, Jinwoo enrolled himself as a hunter.

You're proud of him, of course you are.

That's your Jinwoo.

Your precious, precious and sweet Jinwoo who always stuck by your side even if you are a noble who had no servant to her name and a manor fit to be deemed as a haunted home.

The wealth would soon come pouring in with each succesful hunt Jinwoo goes through. And the more powerful his bounties were, the more famous he became. The money he accumulated directly went into rebuilding the shabby manor into an opulent home worthy of a duke's daughter. Your filthy, ragged dresses were replaced by finely crafted fabrics. Your neck and ears would be adorned in the meek but captivating jewelry.

Of course, he still had that title of slave over his head but weirdly enough... Jinwoo seemed to carry it as a badge of honor.

Why?

Because he was yours.

What's he is yours.

Naturally, jealous eyes come your way as the your dear hunter is now the most sought after. Who wouldn't want him anyway? Tall, handsome, a hunter— He is the embodiment of what is lusted for with a man.

And yet he never once bat an eye to those arrogant nobles who offered him the finest of fine wealth could ever give.

Love letters from all over the kingdom pine for your precious Jinwoo.

And yet he still chose you.

Those steely grey eyes of him would solely be for you and you only.

He looked a you like you are his precious goddess.

You Jinwoo is so... So Innocent and lovely.

Even as he held your father's severed head on his hand.

Even as a pool of blood puddled beneath his feet. Even as his grey orbs have turned purple. Even as the opulent pearl tiles reflected his maddened figure.

Your Jinwoo is just so... So lovely.

His heart, oh, his heart belonged to you. His innocent, pretty little master who looks up at him with a bewildered but awestruck gaze— He knew you weren't mad.

"I did it all for you, princess" Jinwoo would coo, cupping your face and swiping his thumb affectionately over cheek. "They were trying to make you cry again. We can't have that"

He whispers, leaning down to kiss your forehead. "After all, I am yours. We're already binded by a contract. Even if it didn't exist I'd still choose the same choice I have made now."

He holds up his hand, pressing his palm against yours as the tattooes rings on your ring fingers glowed purple.

"See? Even our mark is like wedding rings" He intertwines your fingers together before bringing it up to his lips and kissing the mark on you. "It's okay. It's okay. This is for your own good."

"This is all for your sake, my precious god."

"This bloodbath is an offering for you."

꒰ A/N: idk what I made nor do I wanna know. The plot is all over the place wheeze. I'm quaking at writer's block. I should not write for Jinwoo until I get the energy back. I'm so mindblocked with him maybe it's because I cant draw fanart of him atm. ahhhhhhhhhh ꒱

ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .｡✧･ﾟ: ~♡ —! stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.

[leyyvi]

Umm this is the result of seeing jjk manga spoilers for ch 234 so maybe don't read if you don't want to know what happens lol

anyways this is just actor au fluff for gojo to cope bc canon doesn't exist to me

“Have you seen this?” You shove your phone in front of Satoru’s face, he blinks several times to adjust to the light of your screen.

“Hmmmmm? What’s this? Fanart?”

“It’s the manga, Toru. That’s your character.”

“Oh, shit! They actually did it?!” He laughs, tugging the phone out of your hand to scroll through the feed. “Wow. Think I’ll finally get the fangirls off me when this happens in the show?”

You snort, falling down right into the spot on the couch next to him. His legs take up most of the space, so you sit criss-cross, your knee pushing against his thigh. On instinct, Satoru’s arm drapes over the back of the couch and taps your shoulder playfully. You don’t turn, much too used to his antics over the years. Luckily, Suguru’s warned you of that trick years ago.

“Absolutely not. If anything, it’ll get worse.” 

“Oh well~ Guess you gotta deal with more competition then, huh?” He taps your shoulder again, raising an eyebrow with his taunting question. You smack his arm gently and he pouts.

“Don’t even joke about that!” You say as you lean lightly on the bicep behind you. “But seriously, almost cried just reading that crap. I know it’s not you–”

His head tilts, those deep blue eyes softening in their gaze. “It’s not real, either—”

“I know, but sometimes… You think of the what-ifs, you know?”

Satoru huffs. “Why think of the what-ifs? I’m right in front of your pretty face, you don’t need to think about that.” 

He  scoots himself closer to you, toying with the tag that’s poking out of the back of your shirt. As you inhale and sigh, his faint scent whiffs around you. It’s him, he’s there. Sure, it’s a silly think to think about. But sometimes, your brain likes to wander into hypotheticals. What if that was all real? If he did end up…no. Satoru’s right, it’s not something you should even entertain. 

“Hey, hey,” he chides gently, giving a small peck on your cheek to bring you back. “Pay attention to me, before I gotta go to work.”

You pinch his cheek and give it a pat. “No, how dare you die.”

“It’s not even me in there!”

“Well technically you’re the guy in the show–so!!”

“Pfft, you’re being so dramatic. That crap won’t even happen in the show for what–years? And just don’t watch that when it comes.” Satoru’s semi-reassurances mildly help. Though, what’s more convincing is how he’s slowly pulling you into his lap more and more.

“You’re right, your acting sucks anyway.”

He makes a noise in mock offense, arms wrapping around you completely, “Take that back, right now!” 

“No!”

You land right on his thighs as he yanks you the rest of the way. “If you don’t take it back and tell me I’m the greatest actor in the world…”

His fingers land on your sides, tracing up and down the curve of your hips. You shiver as they briefly tease under the hem of your shirt. He leans up to kiss the other cheek, then your jaw. 

Your eyes close, biting back a smile to refuse acknowledging how much you enjoy his loving touches–even if they tend to start riling you up at a certain point. 

But before you stray too far, he murmurs in your ear, “...I’m gonna start tickling you ‘til you do.”

And before you can react to this “threat”, he’s ghosting your fingers along your skin and coaxing the giggles out from your chest. And though you try to fight him off, he’s just too damn strong! 

“Toru–! Please! Haha…! I-I can’t…!!”

“I can’t, I can’t! Tooooru, spare me~” He mocks you, a shit-eating grin spread across his slightly glossy lips. “Tell me I’m the greatest actor in the world and I’ll let you go.”

“Fuck you–hahah please!!” You try to wriggle away and tumble off his lap, but it only results in you landing on your back and him crawling ontop of you. You beg, unable to abide by his request through the attacks of his dextrous hands. And he’s just smiling, chuckling with an amused glint in his eyes, hardly shadowed by the white strands of his hair. 

If you weren’t struggling so much with the tickling, you’d have half a mind to admire him a bit more like this.

When he notices the tears in your eyes, he offers the smallest amount of mercy. You try to take advantage, grabbing at his wrists weakly to try to push them away. Unfortunately, he’s managed to pin your hands down at the sides of your head instead. 

“Tell me I’m the best, just say it and you’ll be spared,” he smirks, satisfied by this position. You admit defeat, lest he end up with another onslaught of tickling that you don’t think you can handle. 

“Fine. You’re the best.” 

“That’s better,” he leans down to plant a kiss on your lips.

You speak up again as his mouth is inches from yours, “The best at being annoying.”

Satoru laughs–a low, gentle chuckle that stirs something deep in your chest. It’s not the obnoxious ones like he does when he’s messing around with Suguru, or teasing Utahime. Or the ones you hear in his TV show, it feels real, genuine. Cause with you, he’s not acting. You return his smile as he kisses you again. 

“Good enough for me,” he murmurs against your lips.

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 25 ramble

one week into senior year and i already want to kill myself ??? not looking too good for me

anyway it's my favorite day because it's also the day of the umbrella academy season 4 and i'm gonna miss it so much i might cry

magnus time!!!

why are they making fun of alice for being worried about the deadly things stalking them. i am worried too.

I WILL START HUMPING YOUR LEG LMAO???

i love that things feel back to normal but i also don't because this means horrible things are going to alter them forever

i'm really worried about how gross this statement is going to be i saw things in the vague tag

also i was genuinely going to eat during this episode but i'm just gonna do it after, post school snack can be delayed for the greater good (my stomach)

kieran what happened to you..

there are so many red flags even trying to GET to this place oh my god

maggot mention. this will be horrific.

oh i get it. it's not a grill to feed hungry men. it's grilling hungry men. welcome back cannibalistic themes

the hunger is compelling them :scream emoji:

has anyone seen dead boy detectives?? episode 7 when edwin and charles walk through the gluttony level of hell (briefly) is what this reminds me of. i don't like it. i hated that scene.

wwwwwhat the not-noodles did wwhhhat

THERE'S A BANDAGE ON MY FINGER OH FUCK OFF

this made my day worse this is making my day worse somehow oh my god oh my god i need this to be over. this is my new mag18. i think i have issues with food horror.

POLEASE SKIP THE DETAILS OF DESSERT PLEASE I'M ALLERGIC TO DAIRY I DON'T NEED THIS PLEASE

shoutout kieran they actually seem really strong for this i guess????? go off. i wish you were vaguer with your writing.

oh. oh... ooooh.... cccan you not...

ALICE WTF DO U MEAN BY THAT ????? LMMAOOO?????

COLIN WTF? COLIN HEY? WELCOME BACK COLIN? WWWHAHTHHHHHH WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WAHAT

I KNEW IT? I THINK I CALLED THIS? I THINK I CALLED THIS? COLIN BABE. GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE I THINK?

HEYYYYY ARE NORRIS AND CHESTER OKAY. ARE THEY OKAY. DO THEY LIVE IN THE SERVERS. COLIN ? COLIN ? I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU COLIN

WHHHAT WHAT HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT HOOLY HSIT WHAT I JUMPED I JUMPED I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

hi lena babygirl. she needs to file so much paperwork i'm sure. oh my god he got arrested :(

sam bodytackled colin for alice? that's kinda cute sam you're back on my good side. polyoiar back on

well the server is fine. OKAY SAM WAIT YOU'RE ONTO SOMETHING BABE GO OFF KING I'M SORRY FOR PUBLICALLY SHITTING ON YOU A LITTLE BIT

i wonder who the minister is? maybe next episode?

poor celia :( and i don't like that they're gonna hire someone new this feels ominous

someone help lena she did not want this

HAHAH I CALLED IT THE PAPERWORK

oh celia honey where did you go?? where did you end up??

poor celia :( also what the fuck guys

i will no longer be eating as it turns out. i did not like that one

[bluegekk0]

holly ask made me think: who’s the physically strongest person in dirtmouth. holly’s definitely weakened form radiance. probably grimm bc he’s just the biggest bug there?

Grimm, not even due to his height - he's about the same height as Iselda, for instance. Even in his weakened state, he's still a god, so he's physically the strongest in Dirtmouth (though Ogrim is also up there). His body is muscular and his arms are strong, allowing him to carry basically everyone in the family. On top of that, he can channel his powers into his strength, though he usually relies on just his physical form to do that in order to conserve it and not tire himself out (using his powers for a long duration without breaks can leave him in an exhausted state until he "recharges").

However, that's only fresh after a ritual, as that's when his body is in its peak state. Each body lasts around 4 to 5 months, though it can be extended to 6 or even 7 months if he consumes a lot of blood. Regardless, in the very last month its physical state worsens significantly. His voice gradually gets more and more hoarse, his fur loses its shine and starts falling out in clumps, his muscles weaken and he starts feel exhausted far more easily, even without using his powers. Right before the body breaks down, his eyes lose their color and the body becomes covered in open wounds with smoke escaping through them. If he doesn't replace the body by this time, it burns down shortly after, preventing him from harvesting its nightmare essence to speed up the process of growing a new one.

And at this point, he becomes one of the weakest adult bugs in Dirtmouth. He visibly trembles and struggles to keep himself up on his feet, and his reaction time becomes significantly worse, so it would be incredibly easy to tackle him or beat him in hand-to-hand combat. He pretty much never lets himself get to this state, the only time it happened was when FPK got stabbed by one of the Grimmkin (I mention this in the AU summary linked in my pinned post, if you're curious). As Vyrm was recovering, Grimm refused to leave his side for even a moment, and unfortunately the whole incident happened shortly before his scheduled ritual. By the time Hornet convinced him to leave, he was already in a terrible state, needing Brumm's help with reaching the Troupe wagons that'd take them to the ritual spot.

Got a little bit carried away again but yappers gotta yap, sorry hahah.

[nctstar]

hurry, i'm worried

labyrinth | ch. 1

It was that damn…melody. That sick, haunting tune. Once again. Over and over and…over again.

pairing: hyuckren x fem!reader

word count: 3.5k

genre: mystery-thriller, horror, angst

warnings: profanity (use of the f word), mental illness (some allusions to s/h, please don't read if sensitive), mentions of medications and psychiatry, polyamory, police, mild mention of sexual activity (minors proceed with caution)

disclaimer: this is a fanfiction purely from my imagination. I don't know the nct members and don't claim that they act like this in real life. I also don't condone any of the activity by any of the characters in this fic. I'm not a mental health expert and don't claim to be at all, if you are struggling please find some resources to help yourself or dm me for support <3

a/n: ahhh it's finally here! the series I've been wanting to write for SO LONG. I hope you enjoy the first chapter because I got this random burst of inspiration yesterday and wrote it all and I'm so happy with the set up! hopefully as it progresses it becomes spookier and creepier and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing this already <3 lav out p.s. can you tell I love my mystery-thriller movies and kdramas hahah (send me recs!!)

It was that damn…melody. That sick, haunting tune. Once again. Over and over and…over again.

You wake with a gasp, shooting up in your bed, blood rushing upwards and dampening your hearing with a blunt drone. You groaned at the jolts of pain in your temples, your cold hands caressing the supple skin as you squeezed your eyes shut. 8:09am.

“Renjun-ah?” Your voice came out a lot harsher than you expected, but there was nothing you could change about it as you watched your boyfriend’s petite frame walk into your shared room, his soft, nimble fingers tying the buttons on his wrist.  

“Yeah?” He barely looked at you. His attention was divided, long lashes flicking up and down his wrists, and you realised with a sick nausea that you were starting to become annoying.

You swallowed, throat dry and eyes burning with tiredness. “Um, nothing. Just wanted to check if you had left already.” It took everything in you not to mention the dream, the song, but you knew how he would react. As if like clockwork, he had the same reaction every single time.

“You just miss him, _. That’s why you keep having these dreams. Take your meds, and get some rest today, okay?”

You were sick and tired of hearing the same line every single day, almost as much as you were tired of having the same dreams. If there was something worse than being stuck in this insane loop of same same same, it was not having Renjun the way you always did.

But could you complain? Ever since…well, you were only a shell of the person you were before. You were bitter, grating, much like the shots of expresso you had once downed with your lover, squealing ‘Oh! That’s so strong!’ much to the disgust of the haughty young waiter watching from the corner. You felt your chest tighten with a tender nostalgia as Renjun walked over to peck you on the forehead, his lips as fleeting as that memory passing through your brain.

Take care of yourself today, honey. Okay?

“Take care of yourself today, honey. Okay?” You smiled, gritting your teeth at the irritation of his newfound predictability. Falling into this routine of stark distance and hospital-grade perfection. You were truly and utterly sick of it.

You counted to 383…no, 384. Three hundred and eighty…(I don’t know what I should eat today)…Three hundred and eighty-one...(Renjun’s probably sat at his desk by now…)…Three hundred and eighty-two…(…wonder if he’s thinking of me…)…Three hundred and eighty-three…(…is he eating well? What if he gets sick from all the takeout?)…Three hundred and eighty-four.

You dragged yourself out of bed, looking at the date glaring back at you from your bedside alarm clock. August 6th, 2022.

Three hundred and eighty-four days since Haechan had gone missing.

∞

“We should have studied French properly instead of just-“

“Oh, our French sessions were pretty fun,” Renjun raised his eyebrows while Haechan smirked at you suggestively, swiftly followed by you giving him a playful kick under the table to shut him up. “She’s pretty damn good.”

“Gross, Haechan. We’re on vacation in a nice place. You should have left your shameless thoughts at home.”

“Hmm, but we are in the city of love, aren’t we?” Haechan outstretched his arms like a comical cartoon character, making you and Renjun both look down in embarrassment, Renjun cursing softly under his breath. You watched a young Timothee-Chalamet looking waiter side-eye the three of you in the corner and your cheeks grew warmer. Yet, you didn’t really care. He was right. You were in the city of love with the only two men you had ever loved in your entire life. What was so wrong about that?

“Waiter!” Haechan yelled out, raising his hand like he was a primary school student in class, and both you and Renjun lunged out to make him stop being so loud. “Hyuck, oh my god, everyone’s looking.”

“Yes?” It was almost a blessing the waiter had come regardless of your collective bickering, and Renjun went first, speaking in perfect French. “We’d like number 3, please.”

“All three of you?” He frowned through his glasses, peering through the lens like he would look at spectacles at a freak show. You suddenly felt self-conscious, but Haechan started leaning over towards Renjun, acting like the waiter wasn’t even there. “What was that? What did you say? Number 3? I don’t want that one. Tell him I want number 4.”

“The young man over there will have number 4, please. And for me and my girlfriend, number 3.” You swallowed a smile at the way Renjun exasperatedly acknowledged Haechan, and the way Haechan looked just as confused as before. Once the waiter stepped away, you smacked Haechan’s thigh playfully. “You’re so embarrassing!”

“Am I embarrassing, or do you just wanna impress mister oui oui baguette over there?”

“Haechan!” You laughed. “What do you mean?”

“I saw the way you were oogling him. Tsk, tsk.” He should his head exaggeratedly and added. “You have the hottest guy sitting next to you and you’re just gonna eyeball him?”

“Leave _ alone, Haechan.” Renjun was now peering at the menu, squinting intensely. The soft morning sun illuminated his body, giving him a tender glow and making your heart feel warm with affection. He shook his head to the side to move his fringe away from his eyes. “Baby, I think I might have ordered you a shot of expresso. Do you want to change it?”

“Huh? No, that’s okay, honey.”

“Are you sure?” You felt Haechan’s breath on your shoulder, and you rolled your eyes, pulling his arm closer to your side as you looked up at him. “Yes, I’m sure. I can handle it.” The smell of dark coffee from the kitchen mixed with Haechan’s natural musk and your light perfume, and you breathed in deeply.

Haechan’s chest vibrated as he chuckled. “I’m keen to see this.” In front of you, Renjun smiled at the table, a mix of love and playfulness, and you scoffed. “I-It’ll be fine. It will taste good. I will drink it all!” You fake-slammed the table in front of you with your fist as both men started giggling slowly.

∞

You remembered the memory fondly as you watched the milk swirl and dissolve into the brown instant coffee mix. Too tired (lazy) to use the coffee maker, you settle on a bland concoction of going-to-expire-today lukewarm milk and instant coffee powder that’s at least 2 years old for your everyday morning fix. Taking a sip, you sighed. Yep, just as disgusting as ever.

You flopped down on the couch, turning on the TV at the same time, like a trained reflex. The rain outside poured heavy and relentless, just the right amount of ambient noise to send you right back into your slumber. But you stayed awake. You couldn’t be sleeping all day again. It just wouldn’t be…right.

Turning on an old favourite show, Gilmore Girls, you let it play as you opened your laptop. The battery reader on the bottom right corner shone nice and bright. 0%.

Of course. You groaned out loud, cursing underneath your breath. Of course, the day you felt the tiniest twinge of motivation to do something, your laptop was dead. Getting up from the couch, you felt a warm-hot liquid pour all over your pajama bottoms.

“Ah! Fuck!” You swore out loud, watching the coffee stain your crotch and drip onto the skin of your thighs. Clutching your laptop to your chest, you ran back into you and Renjun’s shared room.

You stared at his pajamas on the shelf, neatly packed and folded, as if he was so ready to move on. You looked to your side of the bed, messy as ever, the oldest bra you ever owned strewn across the covers.

How embarrassing.

You felt a mixture of anger, first at Renjun, then at yourself. Stupid fucking perfect Renjun with his crisp ironed clothes and his tidy side of the bed and his take care of yourself, honeys. Gosh, I hate him. As you said these in your head, hot, frustrated tears poured down your cheeks and dripped onto your collarbones. I fucking hate that man. I fucking hate myself.

You didn’t know how long you were standing there, but after a while, you rubbed the rest of the rolling tears off your face and walked out of the room. You plugged in your laptop, walked to the kitchen for some paper towels and half-heartedly wiped down the almost-dried coffee (if you could even call it that) on the couch, took off your soaked pajama pants and lay on your side, facing the TV. You watched Lorelai and her mother fight for what seemed like hours, you watched Lorelai cry on the shoulder of some hunk of a man who very clearly loved her, and then you felt yourself slip into a sad, restless slumber as the credits rolled.

∞

You woke at the sound of your phone buzzing next to your ear.

You blinked once, then twice. Then you closed your eyes and opened them again.

There was no way.

my teddy

i’m coming home

What the actual fuck.

You grabbed at your phone, fumbling, shaking. You dialled Haechan’s number – once, twice, three times. It was going through. It was going through.

“Renjun!”

“What’s up, honey? Are you alright?”

You sobbed uncontrollably into the phone, the screen now wet with tears.  

“Shhh, I’ll be there soon, okay? Please don’t hurt yourself again. Thank you for calling me. I’ll be there, baby, in just a few minutes. I love you so much. I’m coming.”

“No…n-no…” You rubbed your nose, hating the way it squeaked. “No, Renjun, it’s about H-Haechan.” Silence on the other side, as if you had said a bad word. “He’s coming home.”

You could feel the gears in Renjun’s head clicking, choosing his next words wisely. “Let’s talk about it when I get back, okay?”

“Renjun, no, you don’t fucking get it. He’s coming back. My baby’s coming back…”

“Honey…”

“Don’t fucking call me that! Fuck you!” You shouted into the phone, you had no idea why. You were trembling with a mixture of anger and sudden fear.

“Okay.” You heard Renjun’s voice tremble on the other line, the sounds of the rain louder now, pitter-pattering over the line. “I’m sorry. I’ll be home soon.”

“So will Haechan.” You said, before ending the call.

∞

“Please, please, don’t tell her.”

Those words haunted Renjun every single day he thought about Haechan. His knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel. No, now was not the time to think about that. He kept side-glancing at the time on the dashboard, as if minutes would pass without his permission. The windshields scraped the glass with a jarring squeak everytime it moved, the rain pouring as strong as ever. He prayed silently for there to be no traffic on the main road he was about to turn into, not wanting to leave you home alone for another second.

His heart ached, thinking of the phone call, the bad signal in his car breaking up your cries. His eyes welled up with tears, but he quickly blinked them away, not wanting to get distracted. I need to get home right now.

Luckily, traffic moved at a steady pace, it not quite being rush hour yet, and he was pulling up to the driveway quicker than usual. He needed to remain calm and composed for you. He knew you didn’t mean any of it, and that you were having one of your episodes. He tried to think about what your psychiatrist had said, but his brain felt so heavy, like a burning lump of coal, black smoke shrouding any helpful thought he was trying to have. Dammit. I just need to go inside.

“_?” Not wanting to spook you, he started speaking from outside as he typed in the code for your shared apartment. “It’s me, Renjun, baby.” He paused slightly, wondering if he should wait for you to open the door. You clearly needed some space. Maybe he was imposing too much. Maybe you felt intruded, not in control. Maybe he should let you do small things like open the do-

“Renjun?”

At first it didn’t register, but as Renjun slowly turned around, his heart started pounding louder and louder in his chest and his legs felt like jelly. He knew what – or who – he was expecting to see, but the sight of him still threw him against the apartment door with a gasp.

There was no way.

“Oh my god. It’s really you.”

Renjun didn’t know what to say for once. Always the easy talker, known for making awkward situations normal, always known to have something smart to say. Nothing. His tongue felt like lead in his mouth, immobile, weighed down with the weight of a thousand stones.

“Renjun. It’s me.” He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Renjun. He felt like a ghost for a split second, like his arms weren’t quite there. But then he smelt it. That faint smell of his best friends’ cologne he had used since their university days, back when they would go out for dinner after long days. Back before they had even met you.

Renjun inhaled sharply as the realisation hit him, his arms feeling more and more solid around his frame. “It’s really you. She wasn’t…but how did she…” Snapping out of his daze, the two men parted and Renjun thought about you.

Haechan called out first. “_! I’m home!”

∞

“So, you say you received a text message from Lee Haechan today before he came home?”

“Yes, yes. Here.” Your lit up screen illuminated the face of the officer, speckles of his stubble becoming visible. “Right.” He frowned, before handing your phone back to you, the charm jingling as he did. The tips of your fingers slightly touched his as you took your phone back, still staring at him with more questions than answers strewn across your features.

His chair made a high-pitched creak as he leaned back. “So, we have questioned him, as well as your, well…” The officer looked uncomfortable, almost squeamish, you reckoned at the thought of you having seduced not one, but two men in your lifetime.

“Yes, Renjun.” You spared him the misery. He nodded.

“Yes, and his story lines up with yours in terms of the disappearance. Lee Haechan, however, is saying that he cannot disclose where he was this entire time, because he just does not remember anything. We will continue to investigate his whereabouts for the past year. We have tried tracking his phone already, and we actually found its location.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, in your apartment.”

“Our apartment?” You were confused, and a weird feeling started brewing in the pit of your stomach.

“No, miss. At your apartment.”

“You mean the one I share with Renjun.”

The officer looked at you wordlessly, before flicking through the papers in his hands and passing one across the table to you.

You looked at it in utter disbelief. “W…what…”

“It was strange to us too. You didn’t mention to us that you had an apartment. Yet, we were able to find this under your name. We asked the owner, and she said you had indeed bought this four years ago. In person, too.”

“No way,” you breathed, your eyes as big as saucers. “Four years…” You would have been fresh out of high school, just about to enter university. You remembered being penniless then, having cut off your parents and working bizarre jobs just to get by. There was no way you would have even been able to afford an apartment. And the most important part was, if you had indeed done that, you would have remembered. Despite everything that had happened, and parts of your memory being faded due to the stress of the past year, there was no way you would have forgotten something so big as an apartment.

You sighed out loud, resting your head in both hands. You kept having those weird dreams…it always felt like, maybe they were…like…lost memories?

“I think my memory is just bad,” you chuckled uneasily, letting the officer ease back into the chair, some of his worry lifting off his shoulders. “That probably was me. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He drawled out the words, as if he didn’t really mean them. “We just wanted to inform you before we applied for the warrant because we’re going to search it.”

“Right.” Somehow, even though you had found out about this apartment 2 minutes ago, hearing that it was going to be searched made you feel kind of violated. The fluorescent white light started to feel hot against the skin of your face, and you were becoming aware of the stretch of time you had been here. Your leg started to jump, one of your many restless tics.

“Can I come?”

“Hmm?” The officer looked confused.

“Like, when you search. Can I come?”

He made a sorry kind of smile with his mouth and shook his head. You felt stupid for even asking, but the feelings dissipated when you watched the officer look increasingly uncomfortable, suddenly avoiding eye contact with you as if he was scared of you.

“So,” you leaned in, and watched as he cleared his throat and crossed his arms. “What does this mean? So, someone sent a text message using Haechan’s phone the day he came back. He said it wasn’t him, and now his phone is at my apartment?”

The officer gave you a blank stare, and all of a sudden, it all clicked.

“No, I-“

“Look, miss. We need to consider all possibilities. And your boyfriend told us that you’re…struggling with your mental health and currently on anti-psychotics…”

You gaped at him, not believing the words that were coming out of his mouth. “You think that’s supposed to make me uncomfortable? Yes, I’m batshit off the walls crazy, sir, thanks for acknowledging it. But I’m just not that kind of crazy to send myself a text from my missing boyfriend to soothe myself, I do know that.”

“That’s not what we’re- okay, look. Personally, I think it’s probably, like, a hack or something.” You recognised his ability to go off script, no matter how much he fought it, and you appreciated it, just a little bit. “We just wanted to check all the possibilities. We’ll be checking the footage around the apartment and finding out if anyone’s been coming and going, and we will search for the phone and check its usage.”

You nodded sharply. “Okay.”

The door opened, and a younger looking man inaudibly signalled at the officer in front of you. “That’s all for tonight. You are free to leave. Let us know if there are any updates, and we’ll do the same.”

∞

“So, what did they talk about with you guys?”

Renjun was slowly starting to come out of the shocked state he had been in for the past few hours as you nuzzled deeper into Hyuck’s warm body in the backseat of the car, the rain still roaring on outside.

“It was weird. They asked me about an apartment I own.”

“An apartment?” Renjun sounded curious, but you were distracted by the feel of Haechan’s slightly dry lips on your forehead, grazing the skin teasingly. “Haechan…”

“Let’s just forget about this for now. I missed you so much.” He pressed his lips against you, the kiss resounding in your skull.

“I missed you too.” You wanted to cry, laugh, scream. Everything was pouring out of you all at once, slow and viscous like thick honey on bread. “So much. You have no idea.”

“Yeah.” Renjun’s voice was silent. “We can talk more tomorrow.”

That night, your bed for two was a bed for three. Warm and safe, smelling like three instead of two. You were finally home. The dinner you three shared for the first time in over a year was quiet, all of you overwhelmed by the new familiarity that was now your new normal. Or old normal. It was all a bit strange. But it just felt so…right.

For once you drifted off to sleep naturally, not crying, or needing your pills or something to watch to distract yourself. It was like Haechan’s arrival repaired you, piece by piece, with nothing left over or loose from the reconstruction.

Everything felt right until the next morning, when you woke up to no Haechan next you, and you felt an insidious wave of anxiety waft over you, threatening to paralyse you. But then you heard chatter from the kitchen.

“She likes it like that now. Extra chilli. Make sure you don’t burn it.”

“Yes, ahjussi.” The unmistakeable nasal tone of your lover’s voice calmed you, and you were convinced you weren’t dreaming this time. This was real. Haechan came home.

You rolled over in bed and checked your phone. Old habits die hard.

Chills ran through your body.

my teddy

don’t worry. i’m staying inside.

[polyphonical]

Dragon's Head – Beyond the Point of Yielding – Chapter 2

[ View on site for better experience♪ ]

Location: Dragon’s Head Competition Venue

Koga: “We’re enterin’ the second half now, and Starpro is slowly fillin’ the gap in!”

Kuro: One! Two! One! Two…! Ugh…

(Ah, damn. Thanks to the excitement in the atmosphere, I managed to convince myself that my body was holdin’ up fine, but I think I’m at my limit. I’m startin’ to feel worse…)

(The shakin’ of the boat is stronger than it was in the start.)

(……No. The other guys are just about to beat us. I can’t be the one that drags us down now.)

(But why is this boat rockin’ so much anyways…)

Tetora: Good job ssu! We’re gettin’ real close to Rhylink now! Just a bit more and we can do this ssu!

Hiiro: We’re almost halfway to the goal! Our opponent’s speed seems to be slowing down, so we should be able to beat them to the goal.

……Hm? Huh? Rhylink’s boat is……

Tomoya: One! Two!

(It’s no use…… Our boat isn’t speeding up at all……)

(The speed of the waves is much slower than before tooーー Huh? Has the water always been that close to us……?)

Adonis: Kiryuu-senpai, Mashiro! There’s a problem! Our boat is… It’s slowly sinking!

Tomoya: Eehh!?

Kuro: What’d ya say!?

Koga: “What!? An accident? It looks like Rhylink’s boat is sinkin’.”

Kuro: (Why is it suddenlyーー Hm? That guy on the riverbank…… Is that the guy from the other day?)

Idol A: …… (Staring with a smirk on his face)

Kuro: (That piece of shit. Is this supposed to be some sorta retaliation on me……!?)

Everyone watch out! The boat is sinkin’!

Tetora: Taishou! Rhylink’s boat is…! We have to help them ssu!

Eichi: Hold on. Don’t carelessly approach a sinking boat. If we aren’t careful, we’ll end up swept up in the water currents as well.

Let’s wait for the boat to sink. Then we’ll quickly turn back and rescue those who need help. I want the rowers to turn around, please.

Hiiro: Umu! I understand!

Kuro: Don’t panic when the boat starts sinkin’! We’ll deal with it calmly!

Hiiro: It looks like it’s okay to approach now, Buchou.

Tetora: Ossu! Let’s go rescue the people from Rhylink ssu! I want everyone to lend a hand!

Eichi: If they’re close enough to land, let them swim themselves! Let’s pull out the people stuck in the river! Are you okay, Otogari-kun?

Adonis: I’m okay. I’m a good swimmer. Please take care of the people who are in the river.

Tomoya: Hah, hah. Abbw… Bwah! This is bad, I think I’m going downstream…

Eichi: Mashiro-kun!

There! Mashiro-kun’s getting swept up. Can the rowers please go over to that side?

Eichi: Mashiro-kun! Grab my hand!

You’re going to be okay. Grab this side of the boat! I’m going to pull you up nowーー There…!

Tomoya: Geh… Cough……! T-Thank you, Tenshouin-senpai. You’re surprisingly strong…

Eichi: Fufu. Yes, I am strong enough to pull one of my juniors up by myself.

Hiiro: Did we pull out everyone?

Tetora: Huh? But I still haven’t seen Taishou……

Eichi: Kiryuu-kun? Did he not get to land by himself?

Tomoya: Ah…… No. When the boat was sinking, I heard Kiryuu-senpai telling everyone not to panic and to stay safe. I think he would probably still be in the river.

Tetora: Then you’re sayin’…… He’s still stranded in the river!?

…… Just where isーー Ah, there he is ssu! Over there!

Kuro: Bwah…! Guh……

(Damnit…! I think I’ve been in the water for too long. I’m usually a good swimmer, though.)

(I can’t get my body to move. I’ve been gettin’ weaker and more seasick, but I was tryna ignore it… I think…… it’s comin’ back to haunt me……)

Tetora: Taishou!

Kuro: ……Tetsu?

Tetora: Taishou! Grab my hand ssu!

Kuro: Hey… Don’t, I might pull you down with me… I’m not strong enough to get on the boat myself…

Tetora: Hah!? What are you talkin’ about!? Now’s not the time for jokes, y’know!?

I’ll beat you up myself if you keep sayin’ stupid stuff ssu!

I won’t falter even if I’m pullin’ up someone like you, Taishou!

Come on! Hurry up and grab on! ―― Thereeee!

Kuro: ！

(Hahah. Before I knew it, you grew up to be someone strong enough to lift me up… You’re getting’ bigger!)

Koga: Hey! Are you bastards okay!?

Tetora: Somehow, we all managed to make it ssu. The plan is messed up now, though.

Tomoya: Sigh…… This looks like a big problem.

Adonis: Mashiro, you were under the water for a long time, so your body must be cold. You should sit down and rest.

Kuro: ………

Tetora: (……Hm? What’s wrong with Taishou ssu? He’s been wearin’ a pretty grim expression since we got him back on land…)

Hiiro: But why did the boat suddenly sink?

Eichi: Maybe it was lack of maintenance. I’ll be sure to investigate the matter properly.

Kuro: ……They’re not gonna get away with this.

Kuro: .........

Tetora: Taishou, where are you plannin’ on goin’……? There’s this sorta unsettling atmosphere around you.

Kuro: ………

(Normally, I’d tell you that you couldn’t come but……)

Haha. I think that’s just the level of arrogance I have as someone who’s a couple years older than ya. I think I just have this urge to protect your back whenever I can.

Tetora: Huh……?

Kuro: Tetsu. Your comin’ too. I know who’s behind this. We gotta clean this shit up

Tetora: Eh!? O-Ossu!

────────────────· · · · · ·♡· · · · · · ────────────────

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[solradguy]

Please at some point if you can write about how those 2 panels in beginning and what they mean to you the begin content is always so good and also really enjoy how rough the drawings where for it UGH

Yess god I love Begin so much. Honestly, it's like a 7/10 star scifi novel at best; it's a pretty standard "guy gets monsterified by evil science" plot. But Sol/Frederick means so much to me and that book did more for his characterization than almost any other piece of GG media has before or since, imo.

I picked this thing apart like a carcass so readmore because it goes on for miles. A thorough dump of my thoughts on what I have labeled as "begin pic 12" in my GG Begin scans folder. Vague suicide mention warning for when I start talking about the personal stuff near the middle.

What I love about those two panels is that it's the first time we get to see Sol after he gets turned into a Gear and it's a downtime moment. It's 6 months after Asuka betrayed him and he just finished whatever mechanical process was required to complete the first Gear cell suppressor headband. He's actually unplugging it in the second panel on the left. There's a third panel below these where he's picking up the headband and there's a strong focus on how monstrous and gross his hand is as an effect of the Gear cells, but it's not quite as interesting as the first panel here.

It's so small. This is the only time we ever see or hear a (canon) description of what Sol's personal living space looks like. They DO show him at some kind of house at the end of Strive, but it's barely fleshed out. There aren't that many details or strong hints in that scene like there are here.

I've talked about this potted plant in the window a lot, it's my favorite detail in this illustration.

It's not clear what kind of plant it is though. Maybe some kind of succulent with how stiff and solid the leaves look? Something Sol doesn't have to worry too much about taking care of—low effort in case he has to leave for a long time or forgets to water it. But like... Where did he get this plant? The building he's living in is described as a rusty shack out in the middle of nowhere, so I doubt the plant was there when he moved in. He must've picked it up somewhere and brought it back. Why?

Sol calls himself a monster multiple times throughout Begin and it's pretty clear how keenly aware he is of his rapidly vanishing humanity. He knows his time is running out and he's trying to slow it down by making the limiter headband but that's only a temporary fix. Asuka betrayed him, Aria might be dead (or worse), he can't even blend in with normal humans anymore, and the only animals that are like him are mindless war machines. Sol is completely and absolutely alone.

Except he's got that plant.

The plant doesn't have feelings, it can't judge him. If he goes mad and becomes a rampaging animal like the bear Gear at the end of Begin, the plant won't know or care. Sol got that plant from somewhere and whether he takes care of it or not, it's something else for him to think about. A single purely organic thing in his rusty, machine-littered, shack. If he can't bring himself to do anything else on a given day, if the Gear cells are screaming too loudly and he just wants to say fuck it all and rip everything apart, he's got that tiny little potted thing that only needs sunlight and water. Daisuke probably didn't even think about it that hard when he was designing this scene, but I have hahah I appreciate this little plant. There is a lot of thought put into the layout of the things on Sol's desk though, so perhaps Daisuke did have a motive putting the plant there too.

Sol's desk space is about what you'd expect. A tiny toolbox under the light, notes, wires, balled up scrapped papers, books (likely on magic and software engineering, probably something on wiring), the corkboard up above that has a map with marked out locations that are implied to be locations of places Asuka might have gone since the research lab him, Sol, and Aria worked at exploded (referenced in the epilogue). The rolled tubes on the right may be maps or computer schematics for Sol to reference for making the suppressor.

Based on the position of his hands in the other panels, that thing near his elbow must be whatever was compiling something onto the suppressor headband. I don't know what those are directly in front of him by that dark tower. They look sort of like computer chips/boards? Too low detail to know for sure.

The rest of the scene around his desk are just cabinets and drawers without much unique/outstanding detail. Nothing unique or outstanding enough to base anything off of, just set pieces.

For purely personal reasons, I love this illustration because I spend a lot of time sitting at my own cluttered, dimly lit, desk working on projects that keep me sane haha. Sol's arc through Begin is relatable too, in a way, with regards to gender and body stuff. It's easy to read a lot of the Gear things as an allegory for transitioning for people that didn't have a very smooth transition or that took a long time to accept that's what they are. I fell into that latter category for a long time. Once puberty hit, I realized that I didn't want to be like a woman, but being trans was bad? All depictions of trans people that I knew were jokes or were things like drag, and none of them were women into men. I didn't know a single depiction of a trans man until I went looking for it myself as an adult. They were all tomboys that rescinded their masculinity and became petite girls in pastels. Or they were villains that died and were made fun of.

So. I just didn't know you could do it. I thought that maybe there were just never any women that felt like men or that they were something other than a woman. There was no one to talk to about it, no resources to look up, I hated myself over it because it was a bad thing meant to be kept to yourself. I grew my hair really long to cover my chest and only wore baggy/layered clothes to smooth out my unfortunately curvy waist. On top of this, I have also been 6'5" since I was about 14. I didn't fit in with the women at school because they saw me as a man and I didn't fit in with the men because, biologically, I was a woman. Through all of this, I had to move with my mom across the country to live with a literal nazi because I knew if I didn't, she'd do something stupid (I was right in that she didn't want to because I was there). My friends wanted me to stay and live with my dad but I didn't know how to tell them that I couldn't. I didn't tell them when I was leaving and just left.

I had no friends, no one else was physically like me, there was nothing for me to relate to or find inspiration in. I don't know what kept me going, in hindsight. Everything pissed me off all of the time. All I had was my sick cat, metal playlists, and art. Man, did I have art though.

My art teacher let me skip Art 2 to go from Art 1 directly into Advanced Placement Art (AP Art) because I was graduating that year and she saw potential in me. For our AP Art final portfolios, we had to do a certain set of pieces with fixed themes (portrait, abstract, specific mediums, life study, etc) and then another set of something like 12 that were wholly original illustrations connected through a single, personal, theme. The theme for my original pieces was that monsters have no friends because they're big and scary and no one else is like them, but that they still need love because they're just trying to find their place in the world. Lol. I wish I still had the short essay I wrote about it, but it was so long ago...

I don't really know what was keeping Sol going at the end of Begin either, when he's living in that shack so far from his own home, alone. But I get it though. Sometimes something activates in the human spirit when shit's got it out bad for you that makes you want to keep going. It ended up working out for me. My mom's still alive, I have friends again and I know who I am now despite being a weird biological anomaly. It's working out pretty well for Sol now too, it seems, despite it all.

[lovelynim]

NIM CONGRATS ON THE 400 MILESTONE!!

As for the event: can I request ren zotto and kyo kaneko? with cheer up tickles heheh

Love your work <3

Hi Anons!

Hope you guys don't mind (specicially the 2nd one), but I decided to combine the three requests into one since they were pretty similar in some ways.

I also hope you all enjoy this, heh ~

GAME!

Kyo watched the screen in disbelief as his character was thrown off a cliff and fell to its demise. Next to him, Ren cheered, raising his hands as he celebrated his victory. Just a few more seconds and he was sure things would be different…

“Hahah, did you see that, chat? ~”

Kyo clicked his lips, looking away with a pout. it wasn’t usual for him to act like a sore loser, but it was Ren he was playing against. He wanted to win that. He needed to win that. And, to make things worse, it was the second game he won in a row!

“Yeah, whatever, bro,” Kyo hissed, not wanting to look at the alien next to him. He could feel Ren smirking even if he was not looking at him. “Can we start the next game?”

“Aw, come on, Kyo ~” he playfully punched the other’s shoulder, but there was still a hint of a teasy tone in his voice, “we are supposed to be having fun, no?” He couldn’t help but giggle when he spotted the pout in his junior’s face, his grin growing even wider.

“Shut up, would ya?” Kyo snapped back, turning and giving Ren a death glare.

“Why don’t we take a little break? I’ll drink some water, wait here. Can you watch Kyo for me, chat?”

“Just go grab your water already, Ren,” Kyo said, making the alien prince chuckle again before finally leaving.

Watching as his friend walked away, the 1st year waited until he was sure Ren wouldn’t be able to hear him and turned his attention back to his chat. “Hey, chat,” he whispered, double checking to see if Ren was really out of the room, “I want to get revenge for past games.”

The next messages came with a mix of surprise and excitement, some of them motivating Kyo while others curious to see what he was thinking about. 

“I dunno, man, but I wanna beat him, get it?” He continued, thinking for a few seconds before resuming speaking. “Do you guys have any ideas?”

The flow of messages seemed to grow even more. It was almost hard for Kyo’s eyes to follow, just managing to catch glimpses of one or two suggestions, reading out random words until one specifically earned his interest.

“Tickle him? Is Ren ticklish?” He muttered, confused, but as more messages started to come up, he assumed it was true. He never brought that topic up while talking with Ren, but would work. He would have the upper hand against the alien prince and could take his inner anger on him without actually harming him, not to mention how he could use it to ease the soreness in his ego after losing two games.

“But Ren is quite strong, ya know? It would be hard to take him down,” Kyo frowned, he needed to think of an excuse. “Unless… you guys ask him to!” 

“Ask me what?” Ren said, a few steps behind, slowly coming back. Kyo jumped in his place, leaning back into his chair as he tried to pretend he wasn’t just caught red handed.

“What were you talking about with chat?”

“M-me? Talking? Nah, man, you hearin’ things,” Kyo chuckled nervously, trying to change the topic as soon as possible. But before he could say anything, a sound from the chat caught both guys' attention.

[maddiviner]

Hey everyone. I’m posting this to raise a question.

As witches and willworkers, we (should) try to show conspiracy theorists the door, particularly those who’re bigots. But what do we do about people who’re obviously experiencing delusions? Someone who’s mentally ill? Struggling and hurting?

As my username suggests, I’ve got a lot to say about this topic, but there’s not really an easy answer, and I think it needs some discussion. I’d be happy to hear other people’s perspectives. I do think people like me (who’ve experienced psychosis) might have strong feelings about this, but so might those hurt by conspiracy theories. It’s complex.

People online like to laugh when someone posts that the earth is flat, that the moon is a demonic lair, that mountains are trees, etc. When someone starts claiming they’re being “gangstalked” by aliens or the Illuminati, etc, people laugh.

My question is, where do we draw the line? Truth is, a lot of these weird delusions of persecution people write about online are symptoms of actual mental illnesses. So why do people treat it as funny?

Nobody’s going to post a video of me having a seizure and laugh when I bite my tongue. We don’t chuckle when someone with multiple sclerosis experiences spasms. People don’t post screenshots of people talking about deleting with “hahah look at that depressed loser,” so why the “hahah look at that stupid schizo” vibe?

I get that it’s hard not to laugh, at times. Some of it can be quite ridiculous from the outside. If someone on Facebook tells you they think you’re working with the Illuminati to spy on them for purposes unknown, it can be hard not to respond with anything but a confused giggle.

Still, though. Imagine being that person, believing that. From the inside, it can be a terrifying experience. Those things feel unbelievably real in the moment. Three months later, you might find that low dose Abilify (or something) returns your life to normal, but believe me - delusions feel real when you’re in them. I’d wager that’s true for all delusions. When we’re in it, we believe it, we feel it - the fear’s real.

I don’t want to discuss my personal experiences with delusions when I was much younger. I’d rather have written this entire post without mentioning it, but I don’t think my perspective would be taken seriously otherwise. While frightening, my own delusions didn’t involve these kinds of conspiracy theories. They aren’t really relevant here, except to say that it feels incredibly real and terrifying.

In other words, you can be sure that the boomer dude accusing you on Twitter of being a “perp” working with the gangstalkers and beaming “nausea waves” at him really does believe it, and really is frightened on an existential level.

With that in mind, can we really feel okay laughing at people like that?

I guess we might be unable to suppress a private giggle when we read someone’s comment about the hollow earth, or those moon demons supposedly drinking our blood. But it’d be downright unconscionable to directly bully them, even under the guise of “trying to talk them out of it.”

It’d of course, be worse, to pretend I *am* the moon aliens that terrify them, and start messaging them. And yes, that happens sometimes. I have an old friend who developed schizophrenia in 2007 and is STILL convinced we were all working against him/stalking him (at the time) because another person tried to turn his delusions into a joke, thinking it would “make him realize how silly he was being.”

Of course, by “turn them into a joke,” I mean “pretend they were real” and act out the scenario via Skype while the rest of us frantically tried to stop him.

If we’re going to talk about why humor might make such situations worse, we need to discuss humor itself. There’s some evidence that humanity’s capacity for laughter evolved as a way of signaling to our comrades that a situation isn’t actually dangerous. In other words, ancient humans might have laughed as a way of saying, “Yes, this looks scary, but it’s not!”

When we laugh at these things, we’re affirming (to ourselves, if not necessarily anyone else) that we’re not afraid, either of the moon demons or the person frantically telling us about them. Thus, the “laugh at conspiracy theories” thing can be a way of inoculating ourselves and others against them.

We shouldn’t do this at the expense of people who’re scared and suffering, though. We should always take care to avoid making things worse for other people who might have been unfortunate enough to fall into this kind of thing. The issue, of course, is how to do that while also not allowing a place for such conspiracy theories.

I hang out sometimes in transhumanist spaces online. It’s not frequent, but I do keep tabs on the movement and new papers, etc. Naturally, the topic of human enhancement, cyborgs, all that, attracts some conspiracy types, some of which are clearly hurting. In those cases, the moderators of those places tend to show them the door, because reading more transhumanist material and interacting with a volatile online space like that could be harmful for them in that state. That, and of course, not everyone’s kind, and people were trying to “mess” with these “crazies” too.

What it comes down to is this. If it’s a friend of yours or a family member, you likely have the means to help, even if in a small way. When it’s an internet person, you really don’t. Trying to talk them out of it likely won’t work, and might make things worse. Play-acting to make them “realize they’re being silly” is disingenuous trolling, and you’re a grade-A piece of shit if you even consider it. Often, removing yourself from the situation is the best you can do, if the person seems to be in no immediate danger.

I actually wish I’d been banned from certain spaces online when I was dealing with this kind of thing. It sounds ridiculous, but many of the places I visited during my episodes delayed recovery. When you’re experiencing psychosis, material and interactions that would otherwise be innocuous can have straight-up toxic effects. There’s no sense to it - that’s why it’s psychosis, I suppose.

At one point I commented on here that I didn’t do Tarot readings for people currently experiencing mental health crisis or psychosis. I was called ableist for that, and told that I should simply “ask them their triggers and remove those cards.”

Yeah, no. Psychosis doesn’t play by that sort of rules. Or any rules, really. Even if, from the outset, I can’t cite “violent impalement” as a trigger, I might be terrified by the Ten of Swords, especially if I were experiencing delusions again. This is not a black and white issue, and I’m still figuring things out - I just think the matter of mental illness is an important thing to consider. And a lot of these conspiracy theories were intentionally designed by bigots for bigoted purposes. Popular conspiracy theory influencers nowadays exploit the vulnerable for fame and profit.

Many of these conspiracy theories are just updates of centuries-old antisemitic blood libel, though. And these ideas cause a lot of real harm. You only need to skim the news over the past few years to see how far-reaching and dangerous things like Qanon quickly became. How can we best combat this kind of thing, knowing that they specifically target people who are struggling?

We shouldn’t give conspiracy theories so much as an inch. We should be working to both debunk them and warn others from falling into those belief systems. But what do we do in situations where someone is clearly unwell?

As I said, delusions don’t play by normal rules. Mine didn’t. Presenting evidence isn’t going to work, and that’s not because the person is obstinate, either. I usually just walk away, disconnect - but this is something worth talking about. How do you handle these situations? Why?

Before I go, I want to also note that sometimes a response you post to a person online isn’t actually for them. It’s extremely hard to change someone’s mind by arguing with them online. Other people read those exchanges, though, and are influenced by your words.

In a way, when I argued with Qanoners on Facebook during the lockdowns, I wasn’t typing words for them, but for the lurkers who might come across it. I knew the person I was arguing with wasn’t going to listen, but I also knew we had an audience. So, that, too, is important to keep in mind when dealing with conspiracy theorists (of all sorts) online.

[sign-from-god-complex]

Understanding Pride

Summary: Logan was aware that his friends weren't exactly straight, but he didn't realise quite how out of his depth he was surrounding the topic of being gay until this exact moment.

Or, Logan learns something new about himself.

Pairing: Queerplatonic analogical, background royality

Warnings: Internalised aphobia (questionably), description of a panic attack, brief mention of dissociation.

A/N: An anon asked for queerplatonic lamp—which I will hopefully get around to writing soon cause that’s definitely the Good Shit—but hopefully this will tide you over until then! Also despite having an anxiety disorder, I’ve never had a panic attack before, so hopefully my description isn’t terrible (feel free to let me know if it is though).

AO3 Link

Logan came home to the dorm room that afternoon to complete chaos. There were poster boards lying on every single flat surface he could see, coloured card all over the floor and glitter seemed to be stuck to every bit of it all, and in the middle of this mess was his roommate and his two best friends.

Logan had been living with Roman for several months now, so he was used to coming home to find the dorm in various states of disarray—papers and props scattered across the desk or the entirety of Roman’s wardrobe taking residence on both of the beds—however, this was definitely a new one.

Patton had perked up at the sound of the door opening and had immediately started to bound his way over to Logan, almost slipping on card in the process.

"Logan! You're home!" Patton squealed, pulling Logan into a very glittery hug that he didn't return, "Great! Now you can help us!"

Pulling away from Patton's hug, Logan looked him up and down. Patton was wearing a shirt he'd likely designed himself, considering the myriad of what he felt in his bones must be puns covering it, a short, fluffy skirt and had a flag of some kind wrapped around his shoulders like a cape. Although Patton's usual attire was certainly... eccentric, this was even more so than that.

A quick glance at the room's other two occupants revealed that they were also wearing slightly unusual clothing. Roman was wearing a self-designed shirt similar to Patton's, though slightly more simple and organised, grey sweatpants and a different coloured flag wrapped around his shoulders; Virgil was wearing an oversized t-shirt with the words, "I'm too ace for this" on it, paired with a yellow beanie and a purple knee-length skirt.

Quite honestly, the fact that Virgil was wearing colour was perhaps the most alarming part of the situation.

"Help you with what?" he finally asked, having given up trying to guess what in the world they were doing.

Patton giggled. "With making stuff for Pride tomorrow, silly!"

He tugged Logan's hand until they were seated opposite the other two, a big poster board in between them with "I'm punsexual" written on it and subsequently also covered in glitter. He hated to admit it, but Logan was completely and utterly lost.

He squinted slightly. "Pride?"

The three of them stared at him in shock.

"Yeah, Logan..." Roman replied, tone indicating that Logan had missed something fairly obvious and important. He hated that tone. "Pride. You know? Happens once a year? All us gays get together and throw a big party-"

Patton cut in, "-And remember all the struggles it took us to get to this point-"

"-And spend far too much money on gay merch, cause capitalism," Virgil finished.

They all looked at him searchingly. Logan was aware that his friends weren't exactly straight—I mean, Roman and Patton were dating, so clearly they couldn't be straight—but he didn't realise quite how out of his depth he was surrounding the topic of being gay until this exact moment.

Logan had grown up in a fairly conservative town, and though he wouldn't say they were necessarily against people being gay, he certainly wouldn't have imagined anyone would feel safe enough to come out if they were. So, all in all, his upbringing was pretty straight (in more ways than one).

He cleared his throat. "Right, yes, well that does sound... vaguely familiar I suppose," he lied, "What would you want me to-"

"Logan?" Patton interrupted. He was looking at Logan with confused yet amused interest. It was a very uncharacteristic look for Patton, and it made Logan feel slightly uncomfortable. "Are you straight?"

The question caught Logan off guard and he answered before he could really think it through.

"I mean... yes?"

Patton screwed up his face slightly. "You don't sound sure."

That's ridiculous, of course he was sure. Wasn't he? Really, growing up the way he did, he never thought there was any kind of other option, and by the time he’d realised there was, he was already sure enough that he was straight that he didn't consider it. And anyway, he didn't like boys like that. He didn't really like girls like that either, but that was neither here nor there. He just hadn't found the right one yet, he was sure.

"I suppose I never really thought about it," he replied slowly, "I just kind of... assumed I was."

The other three exchanged looks. There seemed to be some sort of silent conversation going on between them that Logan couldn't quite understand. He was about to ask them to just talk to him already when Virgil turned to look at him.

"So how do you feel about boys?"

Logan blinked. "Uh, boys are... fine, I suppose."

"How do you feel about girls?"

Virgil was leaning towards him, the look on his face slightly more intense than Logan would have preferred. His brain felt like it was running 100 miles a minute and yet it wasn't going anywhere at all, stuck in a loop of quick-fire questions and feelings he didn't understand. This conversation was overwhelming at best and quite honestly, he wished they weren't having it.

"They're also fine, look-"

"Okay, but 'fine' like, 'oooh, damn, you're looking fine' or 'fine' as in the waiter just gave you Pepsi instead of Coke and you're trying to be polite?"

Logan stared at Roman, trying to comprehend the words that had just come out of his mouth.

"I- um," Logan stuttered, "The... uhh-"

Logan quite honestly felt ready to defenestrate himself to escape this conversation, and Patton clearly decided to take pity on him, as he turned to Logan and put a hand lightly on his upper arm. Though Logan wasn’t normally one to appreciate physical contact, Patton's hand was at least giving him something to focus on besides his swirling thoughts.

"Logan, you like researching stuff, right?" Patton asked, smiling softly, "Learning new things?"

Logan nodded, confident in an answer for the first time since this conversation began.

"Okay, so how about instead of bombarding you with questions—" Patton sent a semi-stern glare at the other two, who had the decency to look a little bit sheepish—"We give you a list of some terms and stuff and you can look it up yourself, yeah?"

Logan exhaled, letting out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. "I think that would be preferable, Patton, yes."

He stood up quickly, attempting to brush away the glitter that had stuck to every inch of his jeans the moment he sat down, before turning to grab his bag from by the door where he’d dropped it. He needed some space to think. As much as he appreciated his friends’ company, their emotions could certainly be… overpowering at times, and he needed a bit of distance from that.

“I’m going to the library,” he said, addressing his friends, their faces displaying their disappointment, “I have a paper I need to finish.”

That was a lie, of course. He’d finished all his coursework for the next 2 weeks and they all probably knew that, having been subjected to his insistent studying habits for the past couple of months. Roman especially—a surprisingly light sleeper, he’d been woken up several times by Logan muttering something or other about how bullshit magnetic fields were or how the reclassification of Pluto was one of the biggest mistakes of the scientific community (that one actually wasn’t class-related, Logan just had strong feelings about Pluto). To their credit though, none of them called him out on it, just nodding their heads and wishing him good luck with his study.

Just before pulling the door closed behind him, Logan turned around and said, “Text me that list. I’m sure I can make some time to check things out.”

He barely caught the wide grins of his friends before he shut the door and started his way over to the library.

//////////////////

Logan fell into a seat at his usual table, taking off his glasses for a moment before rubbing his hand over his face, sighing.

He liked the library. Libraries were one of the few places left in the world where you could truly just exist without anything being expected of you. You didn’t have to pay to stay, you weren’t forced into unwanted conversation, you could read or work or simply breathe without having to worry about being yelled at or infringing upon anybody else. Truly, it was one of the best places you could be.

Plus, it was quiet—a fact that Logan normally appreciated, but right now was proving to be more of a hindrance, as quite honestly, he was on the verge of screaming.

Self-reflection was not Logan’s style. He preferred not having to think too hard about his preferences, generally they proved to be less than important anyway and the effort that it took to try and untangle his emotions really wasn’t worth the payout. Clearly, though, this was something he’d been putting off for a long time, even if he hadn’t necessarily realised he had been. It was about time he thought about it.

Patton’s text had come through sometime on Logan’s walk over, so he grabbed out his phone to take a look.

Patton: Here’s the list, Lo! We added our own labels in there as a little coming out to you, since we realised we never did it officially!! 💖🧡💛💚💙💜

Sexuality stuff:

LGBTQIA+

Gay/Lesbian — you probably already know this one, but just in case :) (gay is also what Ro goes by! just cause it’s easier ~ Patton)

Bisexual/pansexual (this one’s mine!! I prefer pansexual over bisexual!!! ~ Patton)

Asexual (me ~ V)

(you should also look into the difference between a romantic orientation and a sexual orientation ~ V)

(oh and asexuality is a spectrum, so probably look into some of the other a-spec identities too, demisexuality, gray-asexuality, etc. ~ V)

(and probably look into sex repulsion too and all that. there’s a lot to this, sry. ~ V)

Aromantic (all the previous stuff applies to this too, aromanticism is a spectrum, romance-repulsion, all that ~ V)

Gender stuff:

Binary transgender (which I am! ~ Roman)

Cisgender

Nonbinary (which me and Virgil are!! ~ Patton) and gender neutral/nontraditional pronouns

(there are more specific nonbinary identities though ~ V)

Agender

Genderqueer

Genderfluid (Patton. she mostly uses he/him or she/her pronouns, depending on the day. me and Roman usually feel it out, or if we’re unsure, just ask. ~ V)

Bigender

Pangender

Demiboy/girl (me. usually he/him is fine. ill let you know when it’s not. ~ V)

We know this is a lot, so if you have any questions, we’re here!!!

Logan read through the list a couple of times, before pulling out his laptop and opening up google. This was going to take a while.

He started out with ‘gay/lesbian’. He was already fairly certain he knew what it meant, however, he figured going in sequential order would result in the least amount of confusion from skipping over things he should have known. He found a website fairly quickly which outlined the definitions of gay/lesbian and bisexual, even including a description of transgender and gender identity. He glared slightly at an unfamiliar word, before shooting a text over to Roman.

Logan: Roman, do you identify with the words, ‘transsexual’ or ‘transvestite’?

He continued reading through the website as he waited for a reply. It was only a couple of minutes before his phone buzzed on the table next to him.

Roman: uhh, no 😂 those terms are all pretty outdated. there might be some trans people who still use the word transsexual, but transvestite is generally seen as a,,, negative term. at least, if someone called me a transvestite I wouldn’t take it in a positive way.

Logan frowned before closing his tab. Clearly, the website wasn’t up to date.

In his search to find a description of pansexuality, Logan stumbled on another website with a list of terms, this one seeming considerably more reliable. He skimmed over the definition of pansexuality, getting a general grip on the term before he decided to text Patton.

Logan: Patton, why do you prefer the label pansexual over bisexual? I am to understand they are largely the same thing.

Patton: They are!! Really, it’s a matter of just what you /like/ to use more than anything I think! Some people say bisexuality is transphobic, cause it doesn’t clearly include nonbinary genders in its definition, but I don’t think that's fair! I have tons of bisexual, nonbinary friends! Well, okay, I have two, but still!!!

Logan nodded to himself absentmindedly. He’d heard of homophobia, so he assumed transphobia was a similar concept, but against transgender, or trans, people as opposed to gay ones. He’d yet to reach a definition of nonbinary but based on context clues he could take a guess at what it meant.

Another text came through from Patton.

Patton: Plus, there’s way more fun puns with pun-sexuality 😜

Logan put his phone away.

After finishing reading the pansexuality description, he opened up the tab of definitions and scrolled through, quickly coming upon asexuality, the next on the list.

“Asexual: A person who generally does not feel sexual attraction or desire to any group of people. Asexuality is not the same as celibacy. Click here for dedicated page.”

Logan blinked. Not… having sexual feelings towards anyone? That was an option?

He considered sending a text to Virgil, but he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to ask. Instead, he opened up the ‘dedicated page’ and began to read.

“Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends… free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires… Many asexual people experience attraction, but feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead they feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for them.”

Oh.

Logan shut the lid of his laptop, trying to breathe as steadily as possible. He grabbed out his phone and texted Virgil a very uneloquent:

Logan: Asexuality is an option? That’s something you can be?

He realised that his text was quite ambiguous and likely very confusing, but luckily enough, Virgil seemed to understand what he meant.

Virgil: yeah, dude, i know. look at aromanticism next, yeah? Virgil: and, uh,,, maybe look into queerplatonic relationships? idk, that might be something that youd want to know about,,,,

Logan was about to turn back to his laptop and do exactly that when his phone buzzed again in his hand. He unlocked it to find another text from Virgil.

Virgil: oh and um, sorry abt earlier. got a lil intense there.

He smiled before sending back a reply.

Logan: It’s already forgiven.

The website Logan was on didn’t seem to have a definition of aromanticism, so after briefly reading over the other descriptions, Logan turned back to google. After scrolling through some links relating to an album of sorts, Logan opened up a website called aromantics wiki and began to read.

“An aromantic is someone who does not experience romantic attraction.”

Logan felt slightly like someone had just punched him in the stomach. He read over the definition again, and then again, his brain not quite comprehending how this one sentence held as much importance as it did.

Aromantic.

He wasn’t waiting for the right one. He wasn’t strange to not feel romantic attraction. He was aromantic.

Romance had always been pushed on him by his family. It was something he understood—he was the youngest of 3 siblings, both his older brothers having already found wives by the time they were in their late 20’s; his parents expected the same of him—but it certainly wasn’t something he had ever enjoyed.

When he was young he had a best friend called Kara, who was a girl. They’d met on the playground and had bonded over their mutual love of solitude. They both appreciated being able to spend time together without having to worry about socialising. Occasionally they’d talk about school or debate how likely it was that there was life on other planets because they were things they enjoyed discussing, but mostly they swung together or made sandcastles, movements synchronised without even trying. Their relationship had been close, but it had been simple.

And then everyone else ruined it.

When Logan came home from spending time at Kara’s house, his Dad would ask him if he had a good time with his girlfriend. Logan would frown and tell him Kara wasn’t his girlfriend. His Dad would ruffle his hair and laugh, saying, “Sure, buddy”. Logan would be confused as to why he didn’t believe him.

Logan’s brothers would seek the two of them out during lunch at school, taunting them and laughing about how “Logan has a crush! Logan has a crush!” until Kara would grab his hand to pull him away, his brothers’ oooh’s echoing in his ears. He’d hold hands with his mom too, he wouldn’t understand why it was a big deal.

Logan would lay awake at night, questioning his feelings. Did he like Kara? He liked spending time with her. He wanted to make her happy and he liked seeing her smile. He didn’t think he got butterflies around her (and really, he didn’t understand that term anyway; how would butterflies end up in your stomach?) but his parents said it was different for everyone, so maybe he just didn’t realise. He must like her, everyone said he did.

So Logan told her he liked her. And that was the last playdate they ever had together.

He hadn’t realised he was crying until he looked down to see tears splashed on his computer keys. One of the librarians, Ms Miles, had made her way over to Logan’s table and was watching him with a worried expression.

“Logan, sweetheart, are you alright?” she said, dropping the stack of books she was holding onto the other side of the table. She looked kind of shocked to see such a display of emotion from someone usually so stoic.

Logan knew the librarians, Ms Miles, Mrs Carroll and Cathy, quite well. He often volunteered to help shelve books or issue items on days where he wasn’t busy, but still wanted something to do. He’d even collaborated on some displays and events with them when they were asking for help from students, and Cathy had a running list of books she was recommending Logan every time he came in, leading to some truly excellent finds.

Logan wiped at his eyes hastily before sliding his laptop into his bag and standing up from the table.

“Yes, Ms Miles, I’m fine,” Logan lied—his entire world view had just shifted, he was far from fine—“I just remembered something upsetting, but it’s a long time past, really. I’m just going to go back to my dorm now.”

Ms Miles nodded cautiously.

“If you’re sure, Logan,” she said, sweeping up the books she’d put on the table and turning around to begin shelving.

Logan took a shaky breath before grabbing his phone out of his pocket and sending Virgil another text.

Logan: Meet me at the greenhouse. ASAP.

Logan felt his phone buzz almost immediately but didn’t check the reply, instead replacing his cell phone back in his pocket and heading off in the direction of the drama rooms.

Virgil and Logan had an unspoken agreement of sorts. The two of them understood each other very well, having similar natures—usually quiet and more in need of solitude than their two extroverted friends. Time spent with Virgil was generally peaceful and free of societal expectations. They were able to exist near each other without fear of having to socialise, and so they often sought each other out when spoons were low or when they simply needed a bit of quiet company.

Yes, often Virgil needed to be calmed due to his excessive worrying, but Logan was more than happy to do so, providing him with facts and whole truths until Virgil felt slightly more in control. Logan had never been good at comforting people—mindless platitudes and social niceties escaped his realm of understanding—but Virgil didn’t need that. He knew it was bullshit as much as Logan did.

In return, Virgil would keep an eye on Logan. It was subtle at first, but over time grew to Virgil outright ordering him to take care of himself, showing up at his room at all hours of the night, virtually forcing him into bed. Logan would complain as it was happening, but he’d wake up in the morning feeling warmer, ready to tackle whatever had kept him up so late with a more relaxed perspective. Truly, Virgil was an excellent friend.

If Logan thought too hard about it, which he tried his best not to, he reminded him of Kara.

Logan arrived at the greenhouse. It was abandoned, as it always seemed to be. The inside of the glass was coated in dirt, though not enough that you couldn’t see the knocked over plant pots and bags of dirt piled in the corners. Logan had hypothesised to Virgil that the greenhouse must have been used by the botany students once, though it had been in disuse for the entire time Logan and Virgil had known of it.

He took a seat on the ground, leaning against the warm glass. He expected it to be a couple more minutes before Virgil arrived—when comparing the distance between the library and his dorm—so Logan tried to take deep steadying breaths as he waited.

The first time Logan and Virgil had seen the greenhouse was within the first few months of knowing each other. They’d been lightly discussing the merits of social media as they wandered towards their next classes, both giving opposing arguments to what the other said, but always to prompt more discussion rather than as a result of their own beliefs. At least, they’d thought they were wandering towards their next classes. Unfortunately, however, they’d fallen prey to that trope of each of them thinking the other was leading the way, and so instead they ended up somewhere entirely different.

That somewhere different had been the greenhouse.

It had piqued Virgil’s interest almost immediately, always looking for more private places within the school grounds. Having an anxiety disorder in a place so public as a university campus could prove to be a bit difficult sometimes, Virgil had mentioned, and having somewhere he could go when he was feeling overwhelmed and needed to be alone was extremely important to him.

Upon closer inspection, Logan had concluded that the greenhouse hadn’t been used in quite some time. Not only was the area generally overgrown and unkempt—as opposed to the rest of the school, which had the grass cut regularly—but the padlock that hung on the door was rusted shut. Logan didn’t think that anyone could get in if they wanted to.

They’d scoped it out for a time, coming back every so often to check that no one was hanging around there during their breaks or anything, but it remained empty.

Weeks later Logan had witnessed Virgil have a panic attack for the first time. He’d texted Logan while he was studying at the library, telling him to come to the greenhouse. Logan hadn’t really thought anything of it—Virgil likely just wanted a bit of company—so when he arrived to one of his best friends crying and hyperventilating, he’d been a bit taken aback.

It hadn’t gone excellently for either of them. Logan had never seen anyone have a panic attack before so the first 5 or so minutes had been filled with a rather concerned Logan trying to get Virgil to tell him what he was supposed to be doing. In the end, Logan had realised he needed to get Virgil to breathe and had guided him through it a few times, Virgil eventually reaching a point where he was okay enough to explain.

Logan had learnt a lot about anxiety disorders since then. He’d gone back to the empty dorm almost immediately after Virgil had returned to class and researched into it as much as he could. He knew which breathing patterns to implement and he knew which grounding exercises to use, but that didn’t make it all that much easier to do when he, himself, was spiralling into a state of alarm.

He was going to end up living the rest of his life by himself without anyone to be there for him. All his friends were going to pair up, were going to fall in love and move away and he would remain—the leftovers nobody wanted.

He was never going to fall in love. He was never going to have that perfect life his family expected of him. He was going to end up alone forever and he didn’t want to be alone.

He wondered absently if maybe Virgil wasn’t going to come at all. Maybe Logan would die here, unable to breathe as a crushing weight sat on top of his chest.

Luckily, Virgil decided now was a good time to show up. Logan didn’t notice Virgil first arrive—his head pressed against his knees, arms braced on either side—but he did notice as Virgil took a seat next to him, his calming voice floating through Logan’s panicked haze.

“Come on, Lo, you know the breathing techniques, right?” Logan heard him say, “You just gotta breathe with me.”

Logan listened as he began to count, trying his best to breathe in time and focus on Virgil, only Virgil, nothing else. It was actually easier than he thought it would be to block everything out, just listening to Virgil’s counting and slow, steady breaths. It almost made him feel like he was floating, his body left behind as his mind latched on to Virgil’s words, wrapping itself up in them like they were a blanket on a cold winter’s day.

By the time Logan had calmed down, he was exhausted.

His body was sore; tense muscles unclenching, shoulders dropping and chest expanding as he breathed. He tried to focus on staying calm and not on the lingering panic buried in the back of his mind.

“Well, that was absolutely awful,” Logan said, voice much more hoarse than he’d expected it to be, “How do you do that all the time?”

Virgil chuckled, though Logan could tell he was worried. “Well, yeah. It’s not like I choose to.”

Logan hummed noncommittally.

Virgil carefully kept his distance, knowing Logan’s general distaste for physical contact, but right now all Logan wanted to do is crawl into Virgil’s lap and take a nap, maybe have Virgil run his hand through Logan’s hair. Fuck, he must be tired if he’s thinking like that.

Virgil must have been able to sense Logan’s wish for a hug somehow though, because he opened his arms in an offer and Logan barely hesitated before diving in and wrapping his arms around him. Virgil was warm and soft and safe. His grip was offering the perfect amount of pressure where he felt secure, but not trapped. Distantly, Logan realised he was crying again. Not sobbing, more like tears leaking out without his permission and damn, he was going to get dehydrated at this rate.

“I’m sorry,” Logan mumbled into the fabric of Virgil’s hoodie, “I don’t mean to be so emotional, I just-”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Virgil interrupted, “Figuring things out about yourself is overwhelming. God knows I was a mess when I realised I was ace, or when I realised I was nonbinary, or, heck, even just realising I liked boys was a whole lot to deal with.”

“Overwhelming is definitely a word for it, yes.” Logan laughed wetly. “It just feels like suddenly I have so much more to worry about than I did yesterday.”

Virgil unwrapped his arms from around Logan to tilt his chin up. His expression was affectionate and kind.

“But you have a community now, yeah?” he said, voice soft, “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Logan barely gave himself a second to think before he was leaning up and pressing a kiss to Virgil’s cheek. Virgil spluttered for about a full five seconds, his face going bright red. Logan pulled away, unable to contain his laughter.

“What…” Virgil trailed off, expression completely baffled, “What was that?”

Logan, amusement dying down, pulled away to instead take position with his head on Virgil’s lap. It wasn’t nearly as comfortable as he had hoped it was going to be, but he was too tired to move now.

“It just felt like the right thing to do.”

“Acting on instinct? Who are you and what have you done with Logan?” Virgil joked, but his face was bright.

Virgil moved his legs slightly and Logan shifted with him and, yes, this was much better. They lay there for a moment, enjoying the stillness. Virgil’s hand had drifted to his hair and after some hesitance from Virgil and a small whine from Logan as he tried to pull away, he had taken to playing with it absentmindedly, his hand stroking through Logan’s dark curls. Another point to Logan for getting what he wanted without having to explicitly ask for it.

Logan had just about drifted off, warm sun beating down on him, when Virgil’s voice cut through the silence.

“Did you, uh, manage to look into queerplatonic relationships… by any chance?"

Logan opened his eyes. Virgil had gone tense underneath him and he frowned. He didn’t understand why this topic was distressing to Virgil, but he tried to assuage his fear nonetheless.

“Virgil I assure you, there’s no need to be anxious about this.” Virgil gave him a small smile, half self-deprecating and half soft and appreciative. “But as it stands, no, I did not get a chance to look into it. Would you like to tell me about it? I promise I will try my best not to fall asleep.”

Logan let his eyes fall shut again as Virgil laughed.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he said lamely, “Basically it’s like a regular friendship, but more? Like, uh, you might do things with your queerplatonic partner that you might not with just a friend, like cuddle or uh, I don’t know, emotional intimacy stuff, talking about your hopes and dreams or whatever. And it has the same commitment level as a romantic relationship, like, you might stay together for the rest of your lives kind of thing, but it’s all platonic. You love each other but, like… platonically.”

Logan opened his eyes again to see Virgil staring off into the distance, biting his lip. Absently, Logan thought that he should get Virgil one of those chewy necklaces he’d seen online—the bat one seemed like a good choice; matched his dark aesthetic. On a more concrete level, Logan suddenly understood why Virgil had been so tense.

��Oh,” Logan blinked a few times. “Is that what this is?”

Virgil’s gaze flicked over to Logan immediately, eyes widening.

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be! We can just be friends, there’s seriously no pressure to-”

“Virgil?” Logan interrupted, watching as Virgil winced slightly.

“Yeah?”

Logan examined the face above him for a moment. Virgil was the person he trusted more than anyone else he knew. Virgil was the person who was always there when he needed someone to talk him down from whatever frenzy he had managed to get into. Virgil was an intelligent debate partner, an ever-calming presence and his best friend.

Really, how could there have been any question?

Logan gave a soft smile, “I’d like that.”

Virgil’s answering grin was blinding. Logan couldn’t help but smile brighter in return, his chest warm.

He felt protected here with Virgil. Protected from all the worries he’d previously had, protected from the harshness of the outside world that may not understand them, protected from his own insecurities. He knew Virgil loved him—really he thinks he always knew—and Logan loved him in return.

Virgil was there for him; he didn’t need to be alone.

So, of course, he could not let this moment last.

Logan put on a fake innocent look, channelling all the acting skills he must have gained by proxy from living with Roman.

“Does this mean I get to kiss you on the cheek more frequently?”

Virgil snorted, his face scrunching up as he pushed Logan off of his lap and onto the ground. Logan laughed as Virgil stood up, brushing the dirt off of the back of his skirt.

“I’m gonna get you back for that one day, you know that, right?” Virgil was scowling but Logan could tell he didn’t really mean anything by it.

Logan smiled up at him.

“I have full faith that you will.”

[zvnphoria]

- how being koko’s best friend would be like

a/n - had too much fun with this. THIS IS VERY LONG UM. this is an apology for being inactive.

contains - fluff, teeny bit of angst, just platonic because YEAH, fem!reader, implied strong reader, reader has mommy issues (definitely not projecting), reader had a friendship with akane and looked up to her like an older sister

you and hajime go way back since you were kids. you two met in an interesting way but not necessarily in a good one.

you were walking to the nearest park to get out of your crazy house because your mom kept screaming at you over the littlest thing again. you forgot to wash the dishes (you didn’t necessarily forget that’s for sure). you stopped once you saw a boy around your age getting beaten up by some older kids. his hand gripped tightly on what looked like a school bag and protected it like his life depended on it.

it didn’t matter anymore because you had just knocked out both of the bullies in no time without a thought— almost as if it was normal to you. when you looked at the boy, he had blood going down from his forehead to his cheek, heavily panting and on the verge of passing out. he’s not the fighting type, huh. luckily you had a towel wrapped around your neck since you had just gotten out of the shower when you walked out your house, you weren’t gonna spend much time at the park anyways

you kneeled down and wiped the dripping blood off his face and noticed a bigger figure running towards you both. it was.. a girl?

“hajime-kun! what happened here?!” she panicked as she checked your surroundings

“akane-san.. it’s no big deal i promise..”

“no big deal?! i knew something was up when you rushed the other way. and my bag also happened to be missing! why didn’t you ask for help? you don’t need to be independent all the time.”

“and you,” she began, making eye contact with you

“are you okay? are you hurt?”

“no no! i’m fine don’t worry.”

“she was actually the one who knocked them out, akane-san,”

the older girl looked at the unconscious bullies, then back at you with shock and amazement in her eyes

“you did this? that’s amazing!” she says as she quickly takes your hands and wraps it around hers

“uh.. yes i promise it’s really not a big deal. i’ve dealt through worse, trust me,” you say as you gaze at the direction of your house

“worse or not this is still definitely something! even i cant beat someone up, and i’m way older than you!” she chuckled

“well it’s not like you have the heart to do something like that, akane-san,” the boy comments

“hahah you’re right, you’re right. anyways we should get going now— the sun is gonna set very soon, and you should get home as well. is your house nearby? we can walk you if you’d like,”

even ‘til this day you still don’t know why you didn’t decline her offer. was it because she was nice? it didn’t matter anymore, because if you had declined, you wouldn’t get to meet such amazing people.

it’s been a few months after meeting hajime and akane, and you had also met akane’s younger brother who was your age— seishu! you four would often hang out, whether it was at the inui home or at hajime’s house. getting to know them was pretty fun, and very interesting because a certain someone had a crush on akane.

it was definitely not seishu because they’re siblings and that’s just weird, definitely not you because akane had reminded you of your older sister who was almost never in your life, so that only left one choice— hajime.

his crush on her was so painfully obvious that you couldn’t stand seeing him try to impress her every now and then. he even ditched his glasses and bought contacts just for her to compliment him! he’s whipped huh..

one day you decided to help him out a little with his crush. it was another day of your usual hang outs except this time it was at your local mall! akane’s birthday was coming up and you three had collectively agreed to take her to the mall and see if she would see anything she’d like. turns out she was eyeing some platforms with red on the bottoms, and you took notice.

seishu dragged her to go to the food court with him because he was “hungry” so you and hajime took the chance to buy the heels. you were both now at the cash register, waiting for the register person

“i don’t understand you,” you began

“i don’t understand why you like her so much. i mean— i get that’s she’s amazing and nice and pretty and all but.. there’s another reason why you like her. something must’ve happened for you to be so attached to her so what is it?” you meant no harm with this question whatsoever. you were simply curious and that’s all.

before he answered, he smiled to himself and looked back at you

“she’s the only one that makes me feel not under pressure all the time. she’s the one who constantly reminds me that i shouldn’t be so independent and that i should always ask for help.” as you took a breath in to reply, he stopped you

“before you say anything, i know. i know she doesn’t like me. i know she’s just being nice. but there’s nothing wrong with a one-sided crush right?” he grins

even though he was beaming with a smile in front of you, you knew. you knew this wasn’t how he truly felt. you knew that deep down he was hurt but it was understandable. after all, he was just a kid wasn’t he? you saw right through him.

it was a shame after what happened the next couple of weeks after that conversation. it all happened so fast and none of you were prepared for it. you weren’t prepared for the incident that had happened to akane. a few days before it occurred, koko proudly told you that he was planning to confess and you were way against it.

“huh?! but i need to get this off my chest, y/n! i don’t care if she rejects me or not!”

“haji, i have a bad feeling about this.. i’m serious. you know how i always get bad feelings and they turn out to be true!”

he groaned and scooted far from where he was originally sitting which was right next to you. you sigh and got up to sit down next to him and laid your head on his shoulder so he wouldn’t escape

“i just don’t want you to get your hopes up, that’s all.” deep down you knew the truth. akane wasn’t interested in boys one bit despite all the confessions she had received almost every week.

“fine. you have a point. but im still going with this,”

all you could do was do nothing but let him. oh how you wished you protested more, because in return all he got was a huge burden on his shoulders.

“please ma’am, just please tell me what room akane inui and seishu inui are in,” you shouted as tears were rolling down on your cheeks. “107, right down the hall and take a left ‘hon”

you bowed and quickly made your way into the room. as you burst the door open, your eyes immediately go on seishu who looked so sad to the point where he didn’t even bother to look up at you. you hug him with a feeling of relief flowing in your body, but soon that feeling was gone when you asked where akane was.

you stood outside the door, not knowing why your feet couldn’t move. what’s wrong, y/n? her voice rang your ears. go on, don’t worry i’ll be right here next to you and if you get scared, just hold my hand! right. that was the time you were at a “haunted” house together and you were scared to go in. why are you being reminded of this right now?

you gulped and slowly opened the doorknob and found a crying boy in front of you, hands grabbing on the sheets with his head on the edge of the bed. you couldn’t do anything. all you could do was sit next to him with your head resting on his shoulder while you were crying.

a few years after that, you both acted as if nothing had happened. not because you wanted to forget akane, but because you knew akane would’ve wanted you both to continue living on without her.

despite not dating, you two would always have couple tendencies like feeding food to eachother or hugging often but you’re just THAT close to the point you can probably kiss without feeling any romantic attraction whatsoever

you couldn’t hang out with him as much anymore because of all the gang related things he’s doing. to make it up to you, he knocks on your window late at night and sleeps over most of the time. you talk to him about the usual— have you been eating? you should get more rest. and so on.

you were the one who got him to start wearing eyeliner! at first he just looked at you with a confused face when you handed him it as his present, but then you explained that if he wants to go fully dedicated to the black dragons, the wings of the eyeliner would represent the wings of the dragon. he didn’t wear it at first, all he did was ruffle your hair and said he’d think about it— and he kept his word! so now he’s the iconic money-making genius that wears eyeliner.

after all that’s happened between you two, there isn’t a single awkward moment you share. you know those friends who bring up an adult related topic out of completely nowhere? you two were those friends.

“i was walking by an alley and i heard a girl getting fucked,” he says while chewing the piece of gum you handed to him

“..and??”

“i’ve never walked away so fast in my life.”

there are days where you’re sad but, of course, you don’t tell him. in fact you don’t need to tell him because he’ll know when you’re upset.

“so are ya gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he says as he rests his head on your thighs

“ugh how do you always know..”

“because we’ve been together for the longest, duh.”

he doesn’t show it much, but he cares for you more than you think he does. overprotective and can’t help but show it at times, but don’t worry! he’s doing it because he loves you. remembers the littlest things you talk about and are interested in. he’s also constantly on the lookout so that you don’t get hurt or even worse.

when he’s the one who’s upset, you immediately know. he’s quieter than usual, zoning out a lot and just not paying attention to what you’re saying to him, almost like he’s in his own little world. before you initiate a conversation, you play with his hair so he’ll feel comfortable as a way for you to convince him to tell you what’s wrong.

even though it happened such a long time ago, he still thinks about her. you cant blame him, you do too! if you were to describe your best friend with one sentence, the first thing that would pop up in your head was weak little boy. not weak as in physically weak, but weak as in mentally weak. he can’t help but get emotional when it comes to her, which is understandable.

“it’s not your fault, hajime. she left you with no proper closure, and now you’re carrying guilt and burden on your shoulders. anyone would feel the same or even worse in your position.”

he didn’t respond but he doesn’t need to. all that matters to him is that you’re next to him, comforting him with your kind words like you always do. you both have some differences which caused a few arguments, but in the end you would still be best friends.

speaking of arguments, you argue either over the dumbest things ever or over serious topics. one time you got mad at him because he was beating you in a video game and his smug expression was not helping at all. you kicked him out of your house because you were just THAT frustrated. you felt guilty so you decided to walk to his house and apologize but stopped once you saw a certain figure trying to climb up to your window.

in the start of the serious argument, it was completely something different than what you were yelling at each other about now.

he showed up at your house with your favorite boba and snacks. you demanded him to put those down.

“hajime. food— no. MONEY cant keep me happy forever, and that also applies to you!”

“then what else am i supposed to do?!” his voice started getting weak. he was never the type to argue because he’d always get emotional.

“what am i other than a money-making genius? other than a wallet?”

“i cant do anything about my situation, y/n. nothing. because that’s all i am. just a stupid wallet for everyone to use.” he says about to walk away until you grab his sleeve to stop him.

“that’s not even true. you’re so much more than that, hajime. i’m sorry.. i’m so sorry.” you were crying into his chest and he couldn’t help but cry with you.

he spoils you 100%, no doubt. there was a point in life where you would always decline but you had just gotten so used to the offer that you got tired of fighting back. i mean, how could you? he was so willing and eager and most importantly HAPPY to do this for you.

hajime cant drive motorcycles and you constantly tease him about it, which he just responds to you by squeezing your cheeks together so you could shut up. the bad thing about this is that you guys always have to walk or go on a bus to the specific place you’re going to which is pretty tiring at times. although that doesn’t matter because what matters is that you both have each other.

back to the overprotective part.. you got called by this boy to meet him at the rooftop by the end of school and you already knew what was about to go down because of your shoujo manga reading sessions. the first thing you did was call hajime and he immediately got there to warn you about what you were gonna get yourself into.

“don’t you already have someone you like??”

“uh.. no?”

“i couldve sworn you liked that ‘tora dude..”

“keep your mouth shut!”

“…so you’re gonna reject him right?”

and you did! nicely, of course. hajime advised you should make come off as mean so he wouldn’t bother you again but you just ignored him and pretended like you didn’t hear anything.

being his best friend contains some ups and downs, but that’s the point of true friendships— it’ll never be perfect.

[doctor-plagueis]

Nora's Knightly Love

Trigger Warning: mentions of noncon and rape you have been warned.

Nora had some troubles, well actually it was a lot of troubles.

From night terrors, to night terrors and night... ok so, Nora has nightmares because of...a lot. Nora lived in the North where if you aren't strong, you die,and she almost did, repeatedly from Beowulfs to Ursas to...people...

Gods...if it wasn't for mother she wouldn't be a virgin today...

That's not a memory she relishes, watching her mother be used as a toy for men like she's nothing but a hole to fuck...Nora was five years old and they were gonna do that to her...fuck, she's crying and shaking again.

Damnit fuck fuck fuck why can't she forget that night daMNIT!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nora's crying again...he should do something...

"Hey Nora, you ok?" he asked meekly

"Huh!" she nearly jumped from her bed at that "Um, um, ye 'm fine..."

"You're not very good at lying" he said while getting up...he's not wearing his pijamas.

"When’d you start sleeping shirtless Fearless Leader? Also are those shorts?" she was curious...and also deflecting.

He moved closer she could see him better now...when'd he get so buff? When he sat down at her bed she realized something...Pyrrha and Rennie were out on their date...

"Started when Yang decided to steal it, apparently she feels comfy in it...weird huh?"

"Yea..."

Awkward silence, more awkward silence even more awkward silence...

“C’mon Nora you can talk to me I'm your leader...and hopefully your friend?" wait, was he unsure of that?

“‘F’course you're my friend Jauney, why, did you think weren't?" Huh weird she's calmer, maybe it has something to do with talking to Fearless Leader? He does have a pretty reassuring presence.

"Well, maybe there's some culture shock with you being a Northerner and me being Arcadian, but in Arcadia when a friend is feeling down we talk about it and sort it out together, would you like that? Would you like to talk?" He was trying to be reassuring… his sisters were always better at it than him.

"...ok" Nora sounds so meek, this is weird.

"You sure? We don't have to y'know" He was calming to her, talking with him made her less scared...maybe this is what she needs?

"Growing up in the North is difficult Jaune-" whoa she called him Jaune not Fearless Leader or Jauney...this is serious "-You either fight back against the world and it's dangers or you die...or worse..." at that Nora saw Jaune recoil slightly not noticeable if they weren't this close…huh…

"My mom and I lived with dad until he was taken by the cold...my only memory of him is lighting his pyre with mum..." she took a breath...this is harder than she predicted. Damnit...

"Then me and mum decided to head south, to warmer lands, away from the shithole that is the North-" wait...is Jaune ok, he looks weird...she'll keep talking with a closer eye now..."-But before we got to the seas...we...we were attacked by raider..."

Jaune was now visibly sweating and breathing heavy, memories were flooding back...bad, bad memories...

"Nothing happened to me but...mum let herself be...used by them she, she was raped Jaune, just so I wouldn't, and then they took her away like some trophy of conquest...that's how I became an orphan...Jaune?" uh oh he's freaking out.

"Jaune, JAUNE!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaune awoke today was a special day, today would be the day his dad finally train him, actually, really train him, with Crocea Mors! This was going to be the start his glory, his heroism would begin today! Hahah oh that’s corny heheh…But he really couldn’t wait…

…So Jaune had taken Crocea Mors to train alone in the woods, so what? He was already gonna train with dad anyway!

(CRACK)

“Huh? What was that?” oookkk so Jaune was suddenly a little worried.

“Well, well, well ain’t you a pretty lil’ thang” came a hoarse voice from the trees.

“Who? Who’s there!? I-I have a sword!” Shit shit shit; Jaune wasn’t ready for this sorta stuff! Fighting some Creeps or young Beowulfs is one thing but fighting someone is different!

“Ohohoho, looks like this blond cutie has sum fight in’im…good, more fun this way…” that’s really, really creepy and concerning.

“Where are you!? Show yourself!” Jaune tried being intimidated.

“Oh don’tchu worry, ya won’t have time to anyways”

“wha-”

“you’ll be more worried about breathin’ with a cock in yer throat hahahaha!”

At that Jaune chose to make the smart move: run like hell!

Except he didn’t get away…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“JAUNE!” Nora screamed.

“Huh, wha!?”

“Are you okay!? No, don’t answer that you, clearly aren’t!”

“I-I uh…”

Jaune was silent now, which for Nora was a bad sign…

…Maybe it’s time for Nora to act less like a Northerner and start acting more like an Arcadian…

“Jauney…yo-um-ya-crap, ok, Jaune” she said searching for words and getting his attention.

“Jaune look at me” he did.

“Did did-um did I bring some bad things up? I mean obviously I did but-um” ugh this is difficult how do Arcadians do it?

“Did I bring anything bad for you?”

“Ye-yea, I um…you just reminded me how I lost my…”

“Virginity?” she really hopes he says no, please for Brothers sake say no!

“Yea…”

“Oh Jaune I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to I-” She made him remember such a horrible thing…

“Don’t, you couldn’t have known” she shouldn’thave known…

Nora got up stood in front of Jaune and held her arms open…Nora isn’t good at this but at least she knows hugs are good comfort…

...Jaune accepted the hug.

“You can cry Jaune …please cry it’s good for you…”

“(Hick) I’m not goin’ to cry (hick)”

“Stop forcing yourself to be strong…isn’t that what you made me do? I’m here…”

At that Jaune broke down like a faulty dam, and he didn’t stop crying for a long, long time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That was a week ago.

Jauney and I have been spending more time together we’re supporting each other as best we can…

…My nightmares are going away, well, not really, but with Jauney's help they’re…manageable…I’ve found myself talking less with Rennie, and I don’t really mind it weirdly, oh well, Rennie does need to spend more time with his girlfriend after all…

…Hope Pyrrha's taking care of him well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nora and I have been talking about our…pasts a lot lately, its helping.

Nora and I also have been having these weird silences, not awkward but comforting, is this what friends feel all the time? Pyrrha and I don’t have these silences, neither do any of the other girls, huh, kinda feels special for some reason…

…I like the silence.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost a month now, me and Jauney have been talking for a month, and I feel like we’ve bonded so much over so little time, maybe we’ve bonded even faster than Rennie and I did...I like it Jaune and I’s bond, feels good, really good…

…I think I like him, like, like-him-like-him. I’m okay with it, more than okay actually…

…Does he feel the same?... Why am I even worrying he doesn’t?...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really like Nora, oh who’s believing that blatant lie?

I Love Nora. As more than a friend, I love Nora romantically…

…Maybe she feels the same? Oh, who am I kidding? she’d never love someone like me, not after… (sigh)

Maybe I should just ask her out she’ll reject me and we can go back to talking like friends.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright perfect Ren and Pyrrha are away I can ask Him/Her

“Hey Nora/Jaune” they said simultaneously

“Oh, go ahead Nora” always the gentleman, one of his many charms.

“Nu-uh Fearless leader you first!” she said playfully

“yeahokayIcandothis” Jaune said under his breath

“Nora” “Yeah?” “Would you go get some dinner with me?”

“Ooh like dinner pancakes? Sure Jauney, you’re the best!” she was so excited (sigh) she’s amazing…

“N-No more like a-ummm”

“A what Jauney?”

“Wouldyougooutonadatewithme?” Oh great, he messed it up.

“…” her silence is so deafening, I really fucked up huh?

“…YES!!!” wait wut?

“Ohyoudon’tknowhowmanyweeksI’vewaitedforeitherofustoaskthatIwasgonna askyououtmyselfbecauseIcouldn’twaitand-”

“Nora! Nora calm down and speak in a way I can understand”

“I, yea, sorry, got too excited, started talking Nora mode, anyways-” she was…still talking really fast, but at least he could understand now! “-The answer is yes, also fuck yes and also gods I’ve waited too long to do: this!”

Suddenly Nora lunged forward and stabbed Jaune…Nah she just kissed him…WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!

“mhnph!” “Mmm~oh yeah, always knew you’d taste good Jauney~” “…izzat a yes?”

“What do you think?” “I think I’m dreaming that’s what” Nora giggled at that, fuck, even her laugh is adorable

“Well you’re wide awake, and, you got yourself a date! Isn’t that a confidence boost~” Fucking hell Nora knows how to be seductive.

“I’m the luckiest guy in beacon right now!” he said with his signature goofy grin

“Well” she wrapped her arms around his “where’s our date going to be?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Notes]

[Pyrrha and Ren are indeed dating.]

[Yes the Booty Tier List will affect this check it out]

[Again this is going to be my first smut story so I'd apreciate the criticism]

Here ya go this is the first part of this two-shot.

Nest one will be smut I promise.

Part 1 / Part2

[eirasummersart]

ATLA AU (part 3): Oriol

Here’s the long awaited part 3 of the ATLA AU that no one asked for! hahah

So I’ve been working on a new OC for a while already, but I forgot about this AU for a long while, so I hadn’t thought to include him in it. Until yesterday! And I got a few ideas, so I’ll just share~

He hasn’t been formally introduced in my tumblr (or even, informally lol) so I guess this is the first glimpse at him for the people outside of the discord server I’m at hahah

Welp, all my ramblings under the cut~

Oriol:

Sweet and adorable, he looks so friendly and harmless, but you shouldn’t let your guard down around him. He’s playful and mischievous, always doing little pranks to everyone from the group. He’ll laugh quietly behind their backs if they don’t notice it was him. But, if they notice and confront him, he’ll just laugh openly and show no remorse. His pranks are often just harmless little fun, like subtly but insistently blowing air on someone so they can’t perform a simple task and get frustrated, messing up someone's outfit and hair with a sudden burst of air to their face, subtly moving an object around while someone is looking for it, blowing slow suble air into someone’s nape when they’re feeling uneasy and making it worse, etc. But, of course, they’re not that fun for the people who're being pranked! When he crosses a line and the other person gets actually mad at him, instead of apologizing and repenting, he’d get grumpy and start pouting about it, as if he were the one offended. If everyone else in the group takes the side of the pranked, he’d then go away for a few hours, really mad. He would also not forget who wronged him and get back at them… somehow lol.

Either way, he is not always just a nuisance. He can be really helpful if he wants to. He’s great at finding things and at building stuff. He’d often make small little objects or gadgets that help with something someone’s been struggling with. And he does so with little small pieces and random trinkets he collects and fiddles with. Also, if someone is actually in trouble, he’d usually help. Usually because if he finds their struggle hilarious he might just look at them from a high place laughing, or even make it worse. But mostly he’d just help and go “you owe me now~ ;)” jokingly. He’s also the fashion expert of the group and will help everyone fix their outfits or do their hair, if needed~ Or when they have to dress up for a more “formal occasion”, he’d try and take charge and put together everyone’s looks hahaha.

As for his backstory in this AU and how he got to join the group: he was born and lived all his life in a small secluded town in the woods. He’s had airbending since he was born but was never brought to any air temple to get taught how to use it. Thus, he ended up learning how to use it on his own. This made his airbending really fluid and natural, he uses it for almost everything in his day to day and often likes slightly floating around to get places or floating when he gets really excited or mad about something (or any strong emotion).

When the group passed through his village during their travels, Oriol found them really amusing and fun. All their chaos made it really easy for him to mess up with them easily. But also, he found them interesting and, once he learned the purpose of the trip and what they were doing, he decided to join them. Without asking for permission, he just joined them once they left his village as if it were all normal lmao. He was a bit out of place at first, but he became part of the group not long after~

And now, how he actually gets along with each one individually:

I’ll start with Yuuki first. The two airbenders that are as opposite as they can to each other. Yuuki kinda resents him at first. He’s all about “self-control”, “meditation” and “hard work” to master his airbending, while Oriol just doesn’t care about formalities but does anything with his airbending. From all of this, they start with a really unbalanced dynamic of Yuuki getting frustrated at Oriol for anything and Oriol using that to make him even more upset since he finds his reactions hilarious. At this point, Yuuki is more comfortable with everyone else, so he won’t get as bad as at the start (if Oriol was in the group from the start, Yuuki might’ve had a breakdown, probably ksahfkalsf) but it will take them the most work to get on nice terms. When that does end up happening, it’s probably when they connect through their love for knowledge and just “learning new things” and realize they’re not as different on the inside. At that point, they’d work together in harmony with their airbending to make it way more powerful. They’ll also share some tips and techniques between each other so they get better individually too.

With Szilárd it’ll be a mix of messing with him because he’s the more dramatic one with his reactions, and then getting on his good side because he wants to learn from Szilárd’s vast knowledge. He’ll sit down and behave if Szi is talking about something in detail. He won’t usually ask anything, but will remember everything afterwards and apply it himself, if needed. Probably Szi is the one who gets hit the most with Oriol’s big gust of air in the face to mess with his outfit and hair, since he cares about that lmao. As for how Szi sees him, he’s pretty annoyed with him (as with everyone else at first lmao) but ends up seeing the value of his practical skills and how he can make something out of what most would perceive as “trash”. As a last note here, these two are the oldest of the group, but Oriol is a year younger than Szi (so he’s 22 and Szi is 23).

He doesn’t care much for Dalia at first. She’s so calm and collected that all his attempts at pranking her ends up with her chuckling back at him, amused, instead of the other way around. Since she’s not fun, he ends up leaving her alone mostly. After a while, though, she notices she often finds out he’s doing a prank when no one else has, but doesn’t snitch on him, only laughs softly as always. She would even meet his eyes sometimes while it happened and chuckle, and once or twice she even helped him. After that, he found an affinity with her and would go to her to share his “prank plans” before doing them, getting her opinion on how to make them better. She’s also really intelligent and offers to help him when he’s building something, or offers insight when he’s stuck or when he can’t make it work. She’d also help with some “fire” if needed, to mold something easier~ As for how she sees him, she finds him harmless fun, he’s entertaining and makes everything more lively, so she enjoys his company. Although he would frown upon some of his pranks, if they go too far or are too dangerous, even trying to make him change his mind if he tells her the plan beforehand.

Well, Domas is fun! But also, not fun? He can prank him as much as he wants, he never notices until the end or if someone tells him, at first. But he absolutely never gets mad. He laughs at it and tells him how great of a prankster he is! Which should be good, but it kinda bums Oriol a bit, since he likes seeing the indignation and frustration on others hahah. He still keeps doing it because it’s so easy to prank Domas, his guard is always down, how could he waste the opportunity? lol. And when Domas is telling them one of their “perfect plans” for everything to go smoothly, he’d be quietly making small remarks as to how that’s not gonna work or go wrong, or giving a sarcastic alternative to his plan, and laughing at every step (and Dalia will quietly chuckle with him, finding them hilarious as if they were “a comedy duo” in her eyes hahaha). Domas would be delighted, though, thinking of it as Oriol actually paying attention to him and trying to make the plan better!! All in all, they get along ok and Oriol is one of the few who actually can keep up with Domas. As for Domas’ opinion of Oriol, he finds him funny, cute and charming, and it’s not annoyed with him at all. After a long while, when something weird happens, he usually asks “Oriol, is that you pulling a little prank again~?” to the air and often hears a quiet chuckle that confirms his suspicion hahahah

At first, Oriol thought Dillon would be the funniest one to prank. He’s such an airhead who only understands half of what’s going on! But he was wrong. He’s the hardest one to prank BY FAR. His guard is always up and he never misses anything if it’s being done to him. Dillon would catch him always a second away from starting to do something mischievous with a seemingly innocent “what are you doing? :D”. Thankfully, it’s only when it’s applied to him and not when he pranks others, or the group wouldn’t be fun at all. And even when a prank gets through (because it’s more of a “fun lie” he tells him, or he mixes something weird with his food, or something like that), Dillon would not notice nor give any reaction when it’s pointed out, so no fun, no fun at all! He’s still useful as part of his pranks, tho. Telling him a “fun little lie” so he goes to someone else with it and sees the chaos unfold~ He’s also useful for scavenging for parts and useful pieces of metal or wood. Once Dillon realizes Oriol needs lots of those and collects them for later use, he’d always bring a lot with him whenever he goes out on “expeditions”. In the end, they end up having a more “boss and henchman” kinda dynamic, in a way hahah As for Dillon’s opinion on Oriol: “He’s so resourceful and funny!” lmao.

The last part of this is just me sharing the picrew of Oriol I made, like all the others that started this. Here’s the link to the picrew too!

And I think that’s all for now! I just find it really fun to think of the “group dynamic” of all of them together, and this AU is perfect for me to do that~~

If anyone has read me until the end, thanks a lot! I’ll share more whenever I think of it <3

[appreciatethefoolishness]

BUNNY TROUBLE | 02

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07

― pairing: Jeongguk x reader 

― genre: fluff, future smut, (kind of) hybrid!jeongguk, bunny!jeongguk, magical wishes, Taehyung!best friend, swearing, crack/humor lol I tried, more swearing, little bit of angst, Jeongguk’s hot body, jeongguk being shirtless (yeah, thank me later), did I say swearing? 

― word count: 7k

― summery: A quick decision to save a hurt bunny on the side of the road might not seem like a big deal to many people, Y/N doesn’t think much of it either and decides to take care of the little male rabbit but what she doesn’t expect is when he one night turns into a human and hell breaks loose…  

― A/N: okay, this took way too long, more time than I first though lol. I hope you’ll like it even though personally this is not my favorite chapter, it will get better in the future so just bear with me okay? hahah and thank you for reading!

posted: July 21, 2020

don’t post/copy my work without my permission © 

You could say it was an understatement that you had absolutely no idea what to do, this had never happened to you or anyone for that matter. It was crazy and downright unrealistic, in all your 23 years of living you had never imagined that your bunny would turn into a human― and when you say never you mean never.

Right now said bunny, or guy, was trying to squeeze himself under the couch, to his safe place but obviously couldn’t, he was too big and that made him hysterical. If it was anyone more freaked out about this whole thing was it definitely Jeongguk himself, and you fully understood that you mean he just changed species it would be weird if he wasn’t losing it. 

“Jeongguk,” you tried to say his name but it was like he couldn’t hear you and kept pushing his dark haired head against the small gap between the floor and the couch without any success and breathing mercilessly fast. "Stop it, you don't fit under there anymore!" 

He didn’t listen and soon you could hear his sobs and whines mixed together with his broken voice, “No-no-no-no-no,” he mumbled and you anxiously started chewing on the nail of your thumb, there was nothing you could do to make it easier for him except wait for him to calm down. 

As you watched the weeping naked guy (yeah, he was still naked) you still couldn’t believe that he was supposed to be your pet rabbit. This man was everything but small and pitiful with his tall and lean frame and thighs so powerful and thick of muscles that he couldn't possibly be your little bunny― it was impossible, but the big white scar on his back said the opposite. 

“How did this happen?” you whispered to yourself, thinking back to the night before. You could not think of anything strange that happened yesterday, your head hurt from all the wine you drank last night but even though you were hangover you still remembered everything. Nothing had seemed off when you watched the starts with your bunny and… nothing, you had no idea how this happened. 

You turned back to Jeongguk again and like you had expected he was noticeably calmer, he had stopped banging his head against the furniture and only leaned back against it. His face was wet of tears as he sobbed and laid his head on the seat cushion and your earlier thoughts disappeared just for a moment. He just looked so lost and scared that you couldn’t help but take a few steps closer and of course, you tried not to look further down than to his strong chest and face. 

His hands came up to his cheeks to wipe away the tears there but when he lowered them and saw the wetness his brows furrowed. 

“W-what is this?” he said, voice thick with emotions and his bottom lip trembled. 

“They’re called tears, you’re crying,” you mumbled and took another step forward, now it was only one meter separating you two. “Humans do that when they’re scared or upset.” 

He looked up at you with his starry eyes, those innocent brown eyes you had only seen on your bunny was now glossy with tears on this guy and your heart dropped by the sight. “____,” he sniveled and his nose was running and rosy due to all the crying as he wiped his face with his arm before speaking again, “I don’t understand this, I liked being your bunny,” he cried out and you bit your lip uneasily, you didn’t like this either― Jeongguk didn’t deserve this, “and why am I so cold?” he asked, a shiver ran through his body as he covered his arms with his hands in an attempt to warm himself up. He then looked down at his lap and tilted his head with a question gleaming in his eyes, “and why is my dick so b-,” but before he could finish his sentence you clasped your hands together and cleared your throat. 

"Clothes! You need clothes! That's what you need," you announced and cringed as you looked away from how he grabbed himself and started walking toward your bedroom. You closed your eyes and shook your head to clear your mind from what you just saw and tried to focus on finding some of the clothes. 

"Wait! ___, don’t go!" Jeongguk shouted from the other room as you opened the door to your closet and it wasn’t long until you heard heavy footsteps and soon he was standing right behind you, still very naked. “What are those?” he asked, peeking over your shoulder as you root through one of your many drawers. 

“Clothes,” you simply stated, a little more okay with the whole situation but not really, you still couldn’t believe it was a naked guy in your apartment, right behind you. “Here, put these on.” You turned around, eyes focused on his face as you handled him the pair of boxers and trousers in your hand. 

He looked down at the garments, he wasn’t crying anymore but his eyes were still red and puffy as he blinked several times. Hesitantly he reached out to grab the clothes and brought them to his face to take a sniff and he immediately scrunched his nose up in dislike making him more bunny-like than ever, “ugh, why does it smell like that?” 

“It’s Taehyung’s.” You snorted amused by his reaction. 

“Well that explains it…”, he mumbled making you laugh, you didn’t know why his unexplained hate toward your best friend had followed him even when he turned human was so funny to you but it was. He instantly tore his gaze from the clothes to your crinkled eyes and the big smile on your face and you could see how his posture relaxed at your expression. After your laugh had faded he spoke again. “But. um, how do I put them on?” 

First, you didn't understand what he meant but it quickly hit you that of course, a bunny wouldn't know how to dress himself. With some words and gestures, you explained how to put the boxers and pants on and luckily Jeongguk seemed to get it right away. “Are you done?” you asked after a while of the sound of ruffling clothes, with your head turned away and a hand covering your eyes. He responded by humming and slowly you turned to him again. 

You couldn't help how your eyes widened as they devoured him, now when he was half-dressed you could finally let yourself check him out. You already knew from all the glimpse you intentionally or not had seen that he had a great body but not this attractive. Not only was his skin smooth and golden and complemented the hard muscles underneath it but the way his flat stomach tensed as he zipped the fly and the outline of his abs appeared made you swallow hard. Was it wrong that you wanted to lick his upper body? 

You knew you were staring but you couldn't stop, for the love of God HOW could he look like that? You asked yourself, was the universe playing you a joke or something?

“W-what is it?” At Jeongguk’s question, your eyes traveled from his abdomen to his face and you noticed it seemed to have shifted to a pinkish hue and his cheeks being the most affected part as he tried to avoid eye contact. He also shifted his weight from one foot to the other repeatedly, obviously uncomfortable under your gaze and you wanted to slap yourself. What were you thinking? Your poor bunny just turned human and the first thing you do is checking him out and drool over his body? saying you were disappointed in yourself would be absolutely correct.

“Em, uh… nothing,” you gulped and shook your head. You shouldn’t have such inappropriate thoughts about him, for fuck's sake he was a bunny, not a man! 

You turned around to search for a shirt for him and found one instantly and your face was noticeably warmer than a few minutes ago when you gave the garment to Jeongguk and helped him put it on to cover up his tanned troso from your no-good eyes. 

"Are you hungry?" you asked before he could say anything about your closeness as you stepped back. Now when he was dressed he looked like any other guy out there and it was hard to imagine that he only a few hours ago had been a 1 kg animal. "Do you wanna eat?" He nodded, awestruck before following you to the kitchen. “So what are you craving? I have rice…,” but your voice faded when you looked back to see Jeongguk holding the rabbit feed bag with one of his hands in it, “NO, DON’T!” you yanked it away from him and he froze in place by your sudden action.

He blinked a few times before lowering his head.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke, voice small, eyes on the floor and in that moment even though he was at least two decimeters taller than you he seemed much more vulnerable in front of you. “I didn’t mean to upset you, ____.”

Your heart dropped by the sight of him, there was nothing worse than seeing his pretty eyes so sad and confused, he didn’t know what just happened but apologized anyway. Your brows knitted together as you quickly dropped the bag on the ground and laid a hand on his arm to comfort him.  

“No, I’m sorry,” you mumbled and let your thumb stroke the skin under his short sleeve, “you did nothing wrong, I shouldn’t have said it like that.” You sighed and he lifted his head as you continued, “even though I still can’t believe it― you’re human now, Guk. You can’t eat rabbit pellets any more, you should eat real food― human food.”

He just stared at you for a few seconds without saying anything and blinked, “You mean like c-carrots and lettuce?” 

“Eh, no,” you chuckled and lightly squeezed his arm which made the corners of his mouth twitch into a small smile, “I was thinking more like an actual meal, you know a big breakfast.” 

After giving him another reassuring smile you walked up to your fridge to start searching for the side dishes your mom left you a few days ago. It was so easy, the only thing you needed to do was to heat them up and fry the eggs and cook some rice. Jeongguk stood beside you as you prepared the meal and watched carefully over your shoulder, observing all your movements. 

Soon the Korean breakfast was done and you made a gesture for him to take a seat on the other side of the low table and as he did he looked a little taken back by all the different food in front of him. You snorted at his big doe eyes while you started picking some seasoned kelp and kimchi to your own bowl with rice. He tried to copy your actions by stabbing the eggs with one of the chopsticks so small chunks of yolk flew everywhere. “Em, Jeongguk?” you said softly and he stopped torturing the poor plate to look up at you, “maybe you want to use the spoon instead?” you suggested and handed it to him. 

After a short inspection of the metal silverware, he gripped the spoon as he had seen you do and scooped up some rice and egg on it before bringing it to his mouth. You heard a muffled gasp between he’s chewing as he closed his eyes and moaned.   

"Do you like it?" you laughed and took a bite for yourself. 

The rich pleasant taste of the kelp caressed your tongue and taste buds making your headache fade away and you couldn’t even imagine how Jeongguk felt about it. By the look on his face, you could almost think he was on cloud nine as he gobbled down the other side dishes too.

“Mmhh”, he hummed and nodded vigorously. He was like a madman, hurryingly tasting everything he could see. It was his first time eating real food and it was like he just discovered the meaning of life, he was so happy.

"Adorable," you whispered underneath your breath as you continued watching him stuff his cheeks full of rice and kimchi with a smile in the corners of his mouth. 

Soon your phone started vibrating which made you drop the chopsticks in your hand when you saw who the caller was.  

"Hello!?" you answered, swallowed quickly the food you had in your mouth and wiped away the remaining around your lips with your wrist. 

“Eh, yes, is this  ____-ssi?" a female voice asked and you immediately straightened your back, "My name is Choi Mina from AddYou and I’m calling about the interview last week, are you free right now?”

Your eyes widened sharply as you recalled the latest Wednesday, a girl had been asking you questions and you had answered the best you could, but did it really go that well? 

“Uh, yes this is she,” you said, turning away from Jeongguk who hadn't taken notice toward your phone call and kept gulping down everything he could find in his reach, “and yes, I’m free.”

“Good, because I’m wondering if you want to come in for a second interview, you're one of our best candidates and you really have that strong dedication we're looking for."

“REALLY?” you exclaimed but quickly cleared your throat, “I mean, is that so? Well, what time should I come?” 

The girl on the other end masked a laugh, “You have to be here in about an hour, at the same place as before.” 

“An… an hour?” you repeated and blinked. 

“Yes, is that a problem?” 

Your gaze traveled from the oven clock to Jeongguk, he was now trying to eat with chopsticks again but it clearly didn’t work with his clumsy hands, even though he looked Korean he certainly didn’t act like one. It was a mess, food was everywhere, on the table, floor, and his face as he forced the vegetables on the chopsticks in between his pink lips, he ate just like a child who just discovered what dessert tastes like. 

“Em… no, it’s not a problem!” you uttered confidently, nodded, “I’ll be there,” and said your greetings before hanging up. You then took a deep breath as you let your thoughts wander, you couldn’t possibly leave Jeongguk by himself because what if he accidentally hurt himself or set the apartment on fire? So you had to make a split decision right then and there; you would take him with you into the city.“Jeongguk, what do you feel about going out today?”

“Ohho-uut?” he mumbled with his mouth full of chewed rice. “Yoh-hu’re takhhing me withhh yohhu?” 

You pulled a face when he dropped some on his pants, “Yeah, but let’s clean you up before.” 

After you took a brisk shower and helped Jeongguk to remove the almost dried food from his clothes you were ready to head out. His big hand clamped yours so it hurt as he looked around like a scared cat when you two walked across the streets. Seoul was as people packed as ever and due to the morning rush-hour it was even more people outside than normally and you could tell by the way your former bunny was acting that he was certainly not a fan. 

"W-why are there so many humans?" he whispered to himself, clinging on to your arm. 

It was your idea to hold hands, it had helped him to calm down a little but not as much as you would like, he still tried to hide behind you when someone neared you two. You thought it was kind of cute, the muscular tall guy was scared of little girls walking passed― it was ridiculous. You could almost see the bunny inside of him and imagined how his ears would lay flat against his head as they used to do when he heard a loud honk from a car that startled him. 

"It's fine," you chuckled and squeezed his hand in reassurance, "nothing's gonna hurt you here, okay?" 

He opened his mouth to answer but stopped suddenly, you followed his eyes to see the restaurant you stood in front of. Inside of the display window was a menu with pictures of the different meat they served and in your dismay rabbit was one of the main courses. 

"Oh, don't look at that!" you exclaimed, grimaced and gripped his chin to turn his face away from the horrible sight. "Just keep walking." 

Jeongguk looked even more terrified than before as he started whispering under his breath. "A c-corpse," and soon he was hyperventilating while grabbing your fingers even harder.

Well, this day was only getting weirder and weirder. 

10 minutes later you stood inside the lobby of the high building, it looked exactly like the last time you were there with the classical furnishings and the desk with a kind looking middle-aged receptionist who smiled welcomingly at you two, the only difference from before was the big guy who was currently hugging you from behind. 

“Em, hi, I’m ____, I was supposed to meet Choi Mina-ssi?” you said but it came out more like a question.  

The lady with the nice clothes and smile wrinkles around her mouth looked between Jeongguk and you with a knowing glint in her eyes you couldn't fully understand before she spoke, “sure, I’ll call her here, just wait a minute.” 

You nodded as she picked up the landline phone and began talking to someone on the other end before you tapped Jeongguk’s arm so he would release you from his stronghold. He did it slowly, almost like it pained him to part from your back and when you turned to face him again he looked anxious. His arms were crossed over his chest just like a self-hug and teeth were digging into his bottom lip as he fidgeted with his fingers. 

"Jeongguk," you cooed and lead him away toward one of the squab mahogany chairs that looked too expensive for anyone to use. His wide brown bunny eyes never left yours as you squatted down in front of him, you reached out to stroke his short hair and he closed his eyes by your touch making you smile softly, "I’m sorry, but I think you have to wait for me here."

He opened his eyes in panic, “What, you’re gonna leave me?” 

“No, absolutely not!” you whispered too loudly for it to be considered quiet and you immediately looked around to see if anyone noticed but no one did. You then took Jeongguk’s hand in yours and let your thumb caress the back of it, feeling how smooth his skin was, “I just have to do this second interview and after I’m done I’m coming right here to get you, okay?”

He almost looked a little ashamed as he avoided your gaze, “Oh,” his eyes followed the movements of your thumb, “It’s so you can get a job?”

“Yes, exactly,” you smiled as you realized that he had listened to all your ramblings while being your bunny and still remembered what you had said, “and I definitely need the job now when I’m gonna take care of you, you know humans eat a lot and especially you!”

He chuckled shyly at your remark, his round cheeks painted a slight color of cerise, “thank you, _____.”

You just shook your head so your hair flew everywhere, “You don’t have to thank me, you're my bunny it’s my duty to take care of you,” and when he smiled his nose twitched as a bunny's would. “Just remember to never follow a stranger or go anywhere, just sit here and wait for me, alright?”

He nodded and in exactly that moment a familiar voice called your name.  

" _____-ssi?" 

You followed the direction of the voice and found a girl in your age with her blonde hair pulled up in a high ponytail and her blouse and skirt were simple but perfect. As quickly as possible you turned back to Jeongguk and kissed his knuckles without thinking before standing up, “bye!” 

This made his already rosy cheeks flush even more as you gave him another smile and then turned to walk up to the interviewer. You could practically feel Jeongguk's deer-like eyes follow your every movement as you bowed and greeted Choi Mina. You quickly waved him goodbye and he did a similar gesture with his hand, still awed by the kiss on his hand. 

“By the way, you and your boyfriend are so cute,” Choi Mina suddenly said as the door of the elevator closed and you almost choked on your own saliva. 

“B-boyfriend?” you repeated and tried the words on your tongue. Just the thought of Jeongguk possible being your boyfriend made your heart pound a little harder. "Oh, we're not-...," you tried to say but the 'ding' sound from the elevator bell interpreted you and you never got to finish your sentence.

"Oh, we're here!" the girl on your left uttered and you two stepped out of the small space to walk toward an office, you still a little taken back by her assumption, and the thought of Jeongguk's pretty face followed you all the way through the interview.  

“Really? I’m hired?!” you gasped and rose from your chair. Choi Mina only laughed and nodded toward your excitement as you bowed deeply, “thank you, thank you, thank you!” 

“Please, stand straight,” she chuckled and stood up herself, “and you don’t have to thank me, being my and the department's assistant is actually a hard job so I don’t know if I really did you a favor or not…” 

You shook your head and clasped your hands together in front of you, “Of course you did, Mina-ssi, I’ll work hard and show you how grateful I am for this opportunity.” 

“That sounds great but please call me Unnie,” she said and smiled fondly at you. “I’ll email you the details later.”

You were a little shocked by her kindness, you had never been to a workplace where you felt so welcomed. “Okay, thank you,” you said and she gave you a pointed look, “Unnie.” You added quickly which made both of you laugh. 

“Come on, I’ll show you out.” She offered and stepped out behind her desk and you didn’t even hesitate to comply. 

You had only been walking for a few minutes and chatted about the company when you bumped into someone at the corner of the hallway. The man in question dropped his big stack of papers making them fly everywhere and you couldn’t do anything but stare in horror as his already red face became even more colorful. “Aish,” he swore and balled his hands into fists. “What the fuck?!” 

You looked to the side to see Mina mouthing the words ‘the boss’ to you and you gasped. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to, it was my fault.” You rushed to say and bowed in 90 degrees, you might be young and clueless about many things in life but one thing you knew for sure was not to get on the bad side of someone that had the power of firing you. 

“Who the fuck are you?” he hissed and as you looked up through your bangs you could physically see the vein that popped out of his big forehead as he ran a stressed hand through his thin hair. His eyebrows were also pulled together in an ugly frown as he kept spitting curses everywhere, “What's your name?!”

You felt how your whole body froze at his hard tone of voice but before you could form a reply, Mina pulled you up in a normal position again. “‘I apologize, Sir, this is the new assistant _____. I just hired her-,” 

“Well, it looks like a mistake to me,” he spat as his eyes narrowed when he spoke to the blonde girl, “why such an unprofessional child, who doesn’t even know how to dress properly to an office!?” 

You glanced down at your outworn sneakers and skinny jeans and grimaced, well shit, you thought. Call yourself an idiot, in the hurry to get here on time you hadn’t really paid much attention to what clothes you ended up wearing and now it was too late. 

"I can inform you, Sir, that I have many good reasons as to why I hired her," Mina said comfortably and gave him a forced smile. She talked with him so carelessly that you were afraid for her sake but what did you know? She had been working here for a long time and knew him better than you did, he wouldn’t fire her so easily and therefore could talk back to him. 

The older man tilted his head, his eyes bored into hers to stare her down before breaking the eye contact as they flickered toward you again. You could feel how your palms turned uncomfortably warm under his gaze as he kept glaring and you were quick to wipe the sweat away on your pants. "You," he said, black irises as cold as ice, "pick them up." 

“Uh, w-what?” you blinked.

“Yeah, you heard me,” he scorned and nodded toward the floor and it suddenly clicked in your head. Without questioning him you kneeled down to start collecting the papers while he just stood there looking down at you, amused. You didn’t even know him but you could already tell he got a kick out of bossing other people around and as you were about to pick up the last sheet of paper his foot that stood on it prevented you from doing it. You rolled your eyes before looking up to shoot him a pointed look and seeing how a mocking smirk adorned his face.

His expensive polished shoe taunted you and you had never wanted to punch someone as much as you did at that moment. He sneered as he yanked his foot away and eyed your figure, as you stood up again, with a distasteful look in his eyes which made your stomach ache. "And next time, dress properly." He scoffed and you handed him the documents. 

He then walked away without looking at neither of you as you two bowed in a goodbye. You didn’t like this man at all, he was mean and overall just disrespectful as he used his power to his own advantage. He almost made you miss your old boss, even though she had been rude toward you she actually had a reason for it this guy didn’t! Well, you suppose there’s nothing called a perfect workplace. 

 “What’s with him?” 

Mina snorted, “That’s Lee Howon, he’s not the CEO but a good friend of hers and that’s why he has such a high position in the company.” She shrugged, “and why he’s such an old codger is ‘cause his wife and kid left him but I don’t really know or care for that matter.” 

“Oh…” 

“But don’t worry, ____-ie,” she smiled and put a hand on your shoulder. “I’ll teach you well and he won't be able to touch you.”

When you walked out to the lobby again you expected the first thing you would see was Jeongguk as he smiled and ran up to you but when the empty chair greeted you instead you stopped dead in your tracks. Every earlier thought in your mind disappeared as you stared at the place where you last had seen the boy, Jeongguk was nowhere in sight and you rapidly turned to the receptionist with panic-filled eyes. 

"Did you see where the guy, I was with earlier, went?!" 

She looked up from her computer and raised one eyebrow at you, "yeah, 20 minutes ago I told him to stop chewing on the furniture but he didn't listen so I had to kick him out." 

Silently you cursed yourself for even thinking this would work as you began running toward the big glass doors. Maybe he was just waiting on the outside, you thought but that idea was quickly dismissed when the only thing outside of was a resting dog on a leash, sleeping peacefully on the ground. 

"Fuck," you whispered, hands in your hair as you looked out on the sea of people, all minding their own business having no idea of what kind of hell you just discovered. "Fuck."

With a racing heartbeat, you started walking down the street, calling out his name but only got strange looks from strangers you passed― no sign of Jeongguk anywhere. You could just imagine how scared and lonely he must be which only made your eyes tear up even faster. All possible scenarios of what could have happened to him played through your mind while you bit your thumbnail and bumped into person after person without apologizing, blinded by worry. Midway through your little heart attack, your phone started ringing and you didn’t know how you managed to answer with your shaky fingers but you did. 

"Hi, bae, I was just wondering if you wanted to-," but before Taehyung could finish his sentence you interrupted him. 

"S-sorry, can't talk. Emergency." You breathed but it was like the air didn't reach your lungs. It was a different kind of panic from when you thought you lost him in your apartment, this was freaking Seoul― a city with more than 9,5 million citizens and Jeongguk could be anywhere and you had no idea how to track him down.

"What?! Are you oka-," you ended the call without hesitating and grasped the phone in your hand so tightly your knuckles turned white. 

This was a total nightmare as you kept walking down the streets, you didn’t know for how long it took before tears started falling down your warm cheeks to mix with the snort from your nose, you should have just left him home alone. If he was hurt if would be your fault. Your breathed hitched as you wiped away the wetness from your face as you still tried to search for him in the different crowds without any success.

A half an hour must have passed before your legs gave up and you took a seat on one of the public benches along a fountain, you were trying to catch your breath and clear your thoughts to come up with some type of strategy to figuring out where he possibly could have gone. Just as you stood up to start walking again the sound of an applause nearby caught your attention and on the other side of the fountain you saw how at least 30 people that had formed a circle surrounding two figures and a speaker, one smiling brightly while clapping along with the audience and the other one dancing enthusiastically. You could hear cheers and laughs from all the people around as the guy moved his hips and upper body to the pop music but what made you stop and stare was when you noticed his face― it was Jeongguk. 

Like you were in a trance you paved your way through the other people watching and just looked at him. He clearly didn't have a dance routine like the other guy who now had joined your ex-bunny on the dance floor, seemed to have, and lieu Jeongguk just let his body move to the beat and you couldn’t say he was bad at it, it actually looked like he kind of knew what he was doing, but it was not good. You could tell this was his first time hearing music by the wide smile on his face, sloppy movements and the scared boy who had been terrified of being near strangers just a few hours ago was gone and replaced by this dance maniac. 

With tears drying on your cheeks you watched the performance until the end and how Jeongguk thanked the dancer by copying him when he bowed and did the same. You still couldn’t believe you had found him as you wiped your face and like he had sensed it he turned around and locked eyes with you. Thousands of emotions flashed in his dark eyes by the sight of you, happiness, overwhelmingness and then blissfulness before he started running toward you to clasp you in a warm hug and it was like several tons fell off your shoulders. 

“_____!” he exclaimed and squeezed your body against his, "I found you!" he whined and rubbed his face against your neck so you could feel the warmth of his breath on your skin for every word his lips pronounced. The people around you was nonexistent as you felt the hole in your chest heal by this warmness.  

"Idiot." You mumbled shaky before hugging him back, you mushed your face into his shirt and felt how your glossy eyes tried to fight the tears, "You scared me to death."

"I'm sorry," he whispered and to your surprise started nibbling on your neck, he then licked the area his teeth had assaulted and moved on to another spot on your throat to kiss. Your whole body froze by his strange action, your hands gripped tighter on his shirt and your eyes widened sharply. You had no idea what he was doing and were too shocked to react. His mouth was warm against your skin, his tongue scalding as he kept licking and teething a pattern from the place where your shoulder met your neck to your jaw and back again before pulling away. 

“W-what was that?” you breathed, shocked. 

“So I don’t lose you again.” He purely replied and you wrinkled your forehead in confusion. 

Maybe it was a bunny thing? you asked yourself but before you got to voice another question you noticed the string of blood on his face, his cheekbone was bruised in the color of purple and blue and your brows furrowed in worry, “W-wait, what happened to your face?” 

Jeongguk blinked bewildered before bringing a hand up to the hurt area, “Oh, I fell earlier when I ran from the dog outside when the lady told me to leave, I was so scared but then I heard the music and saw how other people moved to it,” he explained and his eyes shone like millions of stars dwelled in them as he talked about it, "and after I started dancing with the others and I wasn't so afraid anymore but then when I saw you I remembered what you told me!" You didn't know what to say as he kept talking, this was probably the longest you had seen him open his mouth for other than eating. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to disobey you," he whined. 

"No… it's okay, I was just so worried I thought something bad had happened to you," you said and stroke his cheek again, eyes still red from crying.

"Oh, ____." He whimpered and looked down at you with the biggest puppy eyes you ever seen, "I'm not a good boy, I made you cry!" 

"Shh," you hushed, "I'm okay and you're too and that's all that matters," and brought him closer to you. Even though this was technically a guy you just met today it was not true, you had known this person for weeks now even if he was in another body you still felt his glowing-bunny love for you and how much he cared as he hugged you back. And the thought that you almost lost him today made your eyes well up with tears again. "Let's go home now, okay?"

And at that moment you realized how thankful you were for everything that happened. Maybe this was the universe's way of telling you something, giving you Jeongguk like this was a miracle itself and for once you could really say you were glad you didn't hit him with that Harry Potter book earlier this morning.

You had to fight the sleep in your eyes as your heavy eyelids wanted to close. “I think it’s time to get ready for bed,” you yawned and took your eyes of the TV to look at Jeongguk. It had been a long day, after getting home you were sure to take extra care of him, still a little shaken by almost losing him, you treated his little sore on his face and cooked for him. Now, late at night his brown eyes were focused of the bright screen as a cooking show aired and he looked so intrigued by it, just like when he was a bunny. “Jeongguk?” 

“Uh?” 

You smiled at his confused expression, he looked so innocent with his peachy lips parted and eyes so big you couldn't help but ruffle his hair. 

“You’re so cute,” you laughed and stood up from the couch, “I said, it’s time for bed.” 

Slowly he smoothed his hair down with a coy smile tugging at his lips, you never had touched him like that before and he seemed to really like it.  “Okay,” he said and stood up as well, the background noise from the TV filled the silence as you gave him another smile before removing the pillows from the couch. “But what are you doing?” 

“Making your bed,” you said as if it was obvious while unfolding the sofa bed to grab the sheet, pillow and duvet from the hidden drawer. 

“B-b-but,” Jeongguk shuttered from behind you making you whip around to see him pouting, his bottom lip stuck out as his brows knitted together, “I thought I’d sleep in your bed.” 

“Guk,” you sighed looking up at his sulking face, “You’re not a bunny, you won’t fit in my bed anymore.” You explained but it kind of felt more like an excuse because you knew if he did end up in your bed you would not get an ounce of sleep. Plus it would be too hot for you, both mentally and physically. 

“I don’t like being human,” you thought you heard him whisper to himself before crossing his arms over his chest and sighed, “I understand.” 

You bit your lip to withhold your smile as you spun back to the couch to finish the bedding. You turned the TV off so darkness filled the room and made a gesture for him to lay down on the made bed and he did, still a bit gloomy.

“Goodnight,” you whispered and tucked him in with the fluffy duvet. The only thing that poked up from it was his head and you swore he was ten times cuter than his rabbit self when he blinked up at you. 

“_____?” he said and gently caught your wrist just as you were about to leave. “What about my...um, my good night-kiss?”

His innocent question stirred something inside of you, when he was a bunny you always cuddled and kissed him but now when he was a human wouldn’t it be weird if you did? Your dilemma was cut short when you saw his face, he didn’t know what he just had asked meant― for God's sake he licked your neck today, he was still a bunny at heart. 

“Sure,” you answered after a while, leaned down to press your lips against his forehead in a light peck like you had earlier with his hand today and he closed his eyes as you did, “Sweet dreams, Gukkie, we’ll figure this mess out tomorrow, okay?” Not only did you promise him but yourself as well to figure out how this whole thing happened and what to do about it, and that was for sure. 

That night you didn’t dream, just a blackness covered your mind until you awoke by the sound of your phone vibrating beside your head. You opened your eyes to see the display lighting up your dark bedroom on the nightstand and reached over to grab it to see the 14 missed calls and 21 unread messages from Taehyung on it. You blinked perplexedly as you slowly sat up to read them and a gasp left your lips when you realized you never called him back yesterday. 

_______________________________________

Tae not his bae ✨: Today, 8.36

...

I'm actually getting worried 

_____ are you okay? 

what’s wrong??

seriously why aren't you answering?! 

I'm coming over 

_______________________________________

You were just about to text him back when you heard the doorbell ring and many knocks following that, making the apartment echo but before you could react you heard footsteps in the living room and your eyes widened as you realized what Taehyung was about to see. Your best friend who had been worried about you the whole night would any second now see a stranger open the door for him, making him assume things that were not true! 

“Shit,” you cursed and jumped out of your bed to rush toward the hallway but it was too late, Jeongguk had already opened the door, noticeably more naked than what he was when you put him to bed yesterday, but what made you want to die was Taehyung expression as he eyed the the shirtless Jeongguk up and down. Even though his back was turned to you but you could tell from his pose that Jeongguk was not relaxed at all, almost as tense as Taehyung who still had his knuckles in the air after knocking, he seemed shocked. “Tae…” 

His normally warm hazelnut eyes were now the color of cole as he glared at you and his hands balled up in fists by his sides. "Ah, so this is the emergency?" he hissed through his teeth, brows pulled together in a frown and some emotion you couldn't read flashed in his cold eyes. This was the first time you ever seen him pissed off, of course you have had your fights form time to time between the years of being friends but this― this was a whole other level of furiousness. 

“No, I mean, yeah kinda but…,” you started to explain but you couldn’t as Taehyung only seemed to get more upset for every word you said. You glanced with wide eyes between your thin nightgown and Jeongguk’s naked torso and then back to Taehyung again before speaking, “I know what this might look like, but trust me― it’s not what it looks like!”

― taglist @serendipity-secrets @beach-bitch-bitch-beach @badbyeyoongi  

If you want to join the taglist, please write me a comment or a message and I’ll add you! (remember though to have an open account otherwise the tag won’t work).

[saskinnes]

I translated the most recent interview with Anders Fannemel. Sorry for any grammar mistakes or misspelings

How do you feel? How's the knee?

Not really good. I'm still recovering after last year's injury. I hope the problems I'm struggling with will be finally over and I'll get to jump this year. Currently I'm waiting for the MRI result. I'm also waiting for a minor surgery which will show the state of my knee more specifically.

Do you try to visualize your jumps in order not to forget the feeling?

Of course, I try to prepare myself as well as possible to be back on the hill. Back when it was better with my knee than now, i would do a lot of technical training, imitation. I could feel how its like to jump. Who knows, maybe I overworked myself and it has slowed down the whole process. I really miss the feeling. I work really hard to be able to jump again and on a good level. It's a weird feeling. I cannot travel, compete in the world cup. I really miss it.

Are you afraid that the jump in Wisla was the last jump in your career?

Of course, you never know whether after injury you'll be able to jump on a level that will let you compete again. Yes, I'm afraid that I won't be able to jump again. But at the same time I believe I will come back soon. I could not walk for many months, in fact I was learning how to walk from the scratch. I was using crutches for almost four months. It looked like a long way to go. When you cannot walk for this much time, knowing how important legs are in terms of skijumping, you know that it won't be easy. In the last months I had moments of doubt. I felt like I won't be able to jump ever again. My approach to this is optimistic but also realistic, when thinking about my future as a ski jumper. I believe I'll be back.

Explain, what's actually wrong. Does the pain appear during the training or walking up the stairs?

For many months I've felt the sore while walking the stairs. Its been better in the last weeks. I can feel the sore during intensive training. It's way better than a month ago. But it is hard to be patient. You work hard and then for four or five months you feel a lot of pain.

Have you talked with Kenneth Gangnes? He placed second at ski flying championships, after so many injuries

Obviously, he really supports me. He lives in Lillehammer so we meet each other from time to time. I don't have such experience with injuries. But he keeps on telling me that every injury is different. Nevertheless, he really cheers me up.

One day, after all that is gone, you'll be back on the hill. Won't you be afraid that after a bad landing the nightmare will be back?

Maybe. I don't know. When one day I'll be back there, my goal is not to think about the knee, just doing what i've been doing before the fall in Wisla. I believe I won't feel the fear. Maybe that's why I won't be back before I'm not one hundred percent sure I'm ready.

You're almost 30 years old. Do you think about the future more often?

Of course. I started to think about it even before I got injured. Last winter I was working as a coach in Lillehammer, It's good to have something to take your mind off stuff. Especially now that I cannot jump. And yeah, also my situation forced me to do it.

Do you want to be a skijumping coach? Or to find any other job?

I don't know yet. Working as a coach was a great experience. It gave me a choice for the future. I also want to finish my studies - sport management. However, now I want to stay in skijumping.

Before the injury I used to live off the money prizes. Now it's quite harder than a year ago, but I managed to save some money, so it's not a big problem. But since I was paying taxes I thought I can count on some support from the country, a little payback from what i was paying. But it didn't happen. It's a huge problem, the system should work better in cases like mine.

Do you still love skijumping? It gave you a lot of beautiful moments but also a lot of pain

Haha, of course I sill love skijumping. I've always known there is a risk, as in every sport. Skijumping is a very safe sport in my opinion, despite all the knee injuries in the last season. Skijumping is a beautiful and safe sport and I still got the same feeling for it.

When have your problems begun? You were on the podium at the 4HT in 2018 and then you didn't jump at the Olympics, you didn't get the bronze medal with your team. The next season was even worse, and then you got injured

I don't know. It's hard to accept being a "backup" at the Olympics and ski flying championships in Oberstdorf. We had a really strong team. This is how this sport is. You have to fight for your place. When there are four guys from the team who are jumping better it's super uncomfortable situation. I didn't want to find myself in such place. I don't know.. Maybe I wanted to improve my jumps in such short time and I lost the control.The next season was very hard. I rebuilt my technique in the summer, everything looked great, I felt very strong. I think the winter would've been great if not the injury. Honestly, the fall in Wisla was one of my best jumps ever. I was unlucky with the wind and I picked out the wrong gate.

Two years ago you sure were dreaming about wins and medals, and now your dream is to be able to jump and land safely?

Hahah, yes, I believe I'll be able to jump and feel good on the hill. I want to compete at high level and fight for medals at championships, Olympics. It's my dream. Yes, Olympic medal would be my dream.

Are you planning on watching the competitions on the TV? You say you love skijumping but it's probably boring watching your mates compete

Yes, it is a little boring. It's weird to watch the competitions as I myself, cannot jump. But on the other hand, it's easier when I don't jump due to injury than when I fight for a place in my team and stay home. I support my teammates and I get happy when I watch the jumps. It still makes me happy.

Do you sometimes sit at home and come back to the flight from Vikersund? 251,5 meters, world record

Yes, I sometimes think about things I achieved in my career. Vikersund was one of the most beautiful moments. It is nice to come back to it, but I still think that I haven't achieved everything I wanted. I believe there are couple good years of jumping ahead of me. I really miss the feeling, flying, controlling my flights, technique.

Do you have any goals when you're back on the hill, this winter?

Yes, I want to jump this winter. Otherwise, I don't think I'll jump on a good level after two years break. I want to jump in december, january, it is necessary for me in order to compete on a high level again.

If you won't come back this winter, you won't come back at all?

Probably.. I wasn't thinking about it yet. But if it happens, It will be reasonable to think about some other thing to do.

[atopearth]

Collar X Malice Part 4 - Shiraishi Kageyuki Route

Lmao that the way to get on Shiraishi's route is to be honest and call him strange hahah. Honestly, Shiraishi isn't my type, but I'm interested in him because he doesn't appear much in the other routes so he's pretty mysterious. I can see why Shiraishi is interested in Ichika though, especially considering he's involved in criminal profiling, it's like Ichika is such a normal girl, why exactly would Adonis be specifically interested in her? I liked how Shiraishi made it plain to Ichika that they needed to co-operate because she definitely wouldn't be able to find anything about a mole in the police force by herself, with no connections etc when others much more capable than her haven't been able to lol. It's actually cute how much Shiraishi seems to like cats, I agree that naming them as numbers is much easier to remember, but at the same time, to recognise 37 different cats? That's pretty amazing in itself lol. Honestly though, when he talked about it was nice to be a cat, getting to be lazy and free, but at the same time living with uncertainty and not knowing when you could die as a "price" of that freedom, it felt pretty sad... Is living freely better or living securely?🤔

Takeuchi (the teacher who taught the guys who died in the September and October cases) is so pretty! Anyway, I actually really like how much Shiraishi and Ichika bump heads with each other, especially considering how different they are, yet how "honest" they both are in the sense that Ichika doesn't hide her dislike towards him, and Shiraishi doesn't hide how much he's "interested" in people like her that he can't understand because they can empathise with others I guess. Personally, in terms of questioning Takeuchi, I would say that I have to agree with Shiraishi's methods, mainly because, I'm sure Takeuchi has been questioned many times, and there would have been many different officers, but probably not one as interested as Shiraishi and Ichika since they actually believe there's more to Hachisuka (the guy that was killed in the September case) than the "perfect" student. But I do think that if they want more information, then Shiraishi's methods would only let you know that there's something more to it, whereas Ichika's methods might get to her better? Anyway, what I really enjoy about their relationship right now is how upfront Ichika is about her feelings and thoughts towards him. I especially liked when she told him that he should remember her name because she felt that it was important for him to remember that so they could trust and respect each other. 

Lmao when Ichika thought she was joining some top secret coalition with Mukai but it was really just a complaining about Shiraishi group that comprised of Sakuragawa🤣 HAHAHA, I was wondering why would Sakuragawa hate Shiraishi but OMG it's super justified. He purposely bothered to have a chef make a "hamburger patty" out of natto just to see her reaction since she absolutely hates it lollll. I would hate him too. Honestly, I love Mukai, and how she handles Shiraishi because he totally deserves it lol. I find it funny how she can be so blunt with him, and lmao that she actually tried to kick him before but missed🤣 Shiraishi spending time every now and then to go and hear Mukai and them complain about him is so sadistically funny lol. Awww Ichika sleeping on his lap is super cuteeee. I wonder what Mukai and Sakuragawa are going to say since Shiraishi implied that they're in that sort of relationship and that's why they left the passed out Ichika (from accidentally chugging Shiraishi's drink) to him, I feel like they'd tell her to reconsider🤣 I wonder if no one ever thanks Shiraishi and that's why he was so surprised when Ichika thanked him for hiding the collar from Sakuragawa and Mukai for her lol. To be fair, considering his personality, I can't imagine anyone thanking him for anything he does lol. Lmao when Mukai and Sakuragawa interrogated Ichika about Shiraishi and her relationship loll, and now they want her to be a spy lmao. I don't know why so many guys like to think it's their responsibility to "teach" the heroine that it's either dangerous to let guys into their homes or to go to the guy's house alone, like seriously!! It's not that we don't think it's dangerous or anything, we just trust you! Like geez. Anyway, Shiraishi definitely went overboard pinning Ichika to the wall, regardless of his intentions, that's scary and unwarranted. Otherwise, I'm impressed Ichika wants to understand Shiraishi better after that. Anyway, I do feel like Shiraishi acted the way he did because he didn't know how to act towards Ichika. Usually he's met with people who either dislike him, don't care or outwardly dislike him, so I feel like Ichika being so nice to cook for him made him feel awkward and not know what to do and act since he's always so sadistic and cynical. I could be wrong though haha.

I forgot to mention it but it's interesting how it was Shiraishi's profiling that ended up catching the culprit 2 years ago when the attempted assassination on the Prime Minister was, since that was the case that changed Okazaki. I really liked how Ichika and Shiraishi finally communicated properly in the sense that they just bothered to talk to each other and try to understand each other. I guess considering his personality, most people would give up on him, so it must be surprising that Ichika is so persistent. I liked how he finally called her by her name haha. Awww, I love how they exchanged the cat straps they got from the gachapon machine. Imagining Shiraishi fiddling with one of those machines, never having played with one is pretty cute haha. Pretty hilarious when Shiraishi got flustered over Ichika saying she preferred him this way (not so weird lol) and he accidentally dropped a stack of papers🤣 I also found it pretty funny when she told him to be careful and he said he didn't need to, and Ichika was like you should practice what you preach since not taking your own advice is dumb😂😂 She totally got him hahahah. Aww Shiraishi thanking Ichika for trusting him was so cuteee. It was really sweet how Shiraishi acknowledged Ichika's efforts in the SCRPO, she really does try her best to listen to the people calling the police to complain and she really takes it all to heart, so it's nice to see how much he recognises her efforts. I wonder if Shiraishi's flashback means that he got experimented on as a child🤔 Anyway, I think I'm really warming up to their relationship. I think it's really cute how "normal" Shiraishi actually is lol. Him getting mad that Ichika was telling Sakuragawa and Mukai that she didn't feel anything for him, and then her running after him just to explain that she doesn't hate him, and then him getting happy and saying it back to her was just so adorable hahaha.

I feel so terrible for the counsellor lady (Uno) who got driven to suicide because of Hachisuka. Like, it was obvious Hachisuka wasn't as "clean" as his records said, but to think that he had so much power over the school because of his mother's "donations" and then couldn't hack that Uno rejected him (since you know she has a husband and kids, like c'mon dude) and then started threatening her + other mental torment from his groupies. It's just crazy to think that she ended up so ballistic (killed her husband and tried to kill her kids but failed and then ended up committing suicide) just because she refused a teenager's "love". That's just so sad.. It's nice to see more of Saeki this time around, it was so funny when he told Shiraishi to take care of Ichika because he believed in the rumours that they were dating. To be fair, he's eating dinner with her at work late at night sharing a lunchbox etc so it's hard to not think that even if they say they aren't lol. I guess those murderous twins are Uno's children? Anyway, I like how even though Shiraishi said a lot of mean stuff and crap to Ichika about everything being a lie, but Ichika decided to believe in the him she spent time with, and that if it was a lie, then he should show her his real self then. Ichika is pretty strong haha. Personally, I'm not a fan of the voice acting for Shiraishi, or maybe it's just Shiraishi himself lolll but I think I do like the progress with their relationship because of how blunt they are with each other. I think her honesty really works well with how sneaky and evasive Shiraishi usually is, since it's difficult for him to handle someone so genuinely kind and appreciative of him as a person haha. Well, Takeuchi's thoughts etc were pretty much expected, but very understandable, I don't think I could ever move on if I felt like I betrayed my friend and left her all alone just to protect myself. And her guilt would make her want to protect Uno's children now.. I'm not sure about Takeuchi's decision to tell Uno's children what really happened with their parents at the young age of 18 but I guess I can understand her thoughts of not wanting them to hate their mother. I guess she regrets it a lot now but yeah...that's sad..

Seeing the story of the Uno siblings was pretty terrible. Such a normal happy family getting crushed was terrible. I think the worst was definitely when their mother murdered their father right in front of them. Anyway, considering Shiraishi's analysis and everything, there's really no new information about their "story" so it's really just watching them struggle between their desires to live but also to die. I'm just glad the siblings had Takeuchi in their lives tbh, otherwise it would have been worse. When Shiraishi said that the feeling of someone needing you makes you think that it's all right to exist, I couldn't help but agree with that. I used to be obstinate with the idea that a person should create their own "value" and I guess their desire to live because in the end, you can't rely on others for your own life, and I guess I still think like that. But at the same time, I feel like there will always be times when another person can be your drive to live, and to make you think that you want to live because of them. Sure, it's not always the healthiest mindset, but at the same time, when you have nothing else to live for, at least having them makes you think that this life is still worth living to an extent even if other things suck. I'm glad that Takeuchi, Shion and Suzune got to properly talk it out and communicate their feelings, but I still find their reason for killing those three people to kinda like "free" Takeuchi rather...silly? Like I guess I can understand their perspective in the sense that they wanted to end things for Takeuchi, but even though they ended that part, they started another part where Takeuchi would feel guilty that her actions led to those decisions that they made. Anyway, I guess the main thing we can be happy about is that they understood well enough that killing themselves would torment Takeuchi much more, but it's still kinda funny that they can understand that but not understand enough to not commit murder. I guess their hatred and emotions needed some sort of outlet, and just because you understand doesn’t mean you won’t do it.

It's understandable for Shiraishi to love cats for their freedom, and I think that's what I love about cats too, well I guess more specifically stray cats or outdoor cats. They don't live according to anyone's schedule, they go out and do what they want, come home when they feel like it and are cute lol. Their lives are much more vibrant than mine and I think that's so interesting. I loved their cat observing date, it was so cute how serious Ichika was about trying to remember each individual cat and writing notes down just because she knew Shiraishi likes them so she wanted to be more engaged in it too. Them holding hands to the supermarket was adorableeee~ Lmao, I love how Ichika lured Kazuki to the office with Yanagi and them by stealing his guitar, I mean of course with how disobedient he is, he'll never go just because she told him so. I guess it's good that Shiraishi helped to make Kazuki more understanding of the seriousness of the situation. 

Hmmm interesting, when Adonis executives were leaked, I'm pretty sure it was Shiraishi, but killing Mikuni (prime minister's son in Adonis) in broad daylight? I'm pretty sure the "voice" Shiraishi talked to throughout the story was Mikuni and he seemed to have some kind of relationship with him that was relatively positive, so hmmm.. Did Zero do something to frame or manipulate Shiraishi? I see, Shiraishi's been brainwashed to practically follow Zero and Adonis... I really liked how there were flashbacks with Ichika and Shiraishi to kinda remind us of everything they've gone through, because even though Shiraishi isn't really a favourite of mine, I did enjoy Ichika and Shiraishi's relationship build up and I can understand why she would believe in the him that he showed to her rather than the him that Zero tells her he is. Hmmm I guess that "good ending" was interesting. I'm kinda disappointed with how things were revealed and how they ended though, like... I'm honestly rather mixed about the whole thing because I feel like Shiraishi's story could have been dealt with much better alongside his feelings, because I found his reasoning to kill Mikuni to gain the trust of Zero just to get Ichika's collar off I don't know...weird? There could have been better ways? But I guess this is how Shiraishi is in his own twisted and brainwashed way so it was understandable that he did it this way? But at the same time, I agree with Ichika about if he really loved her that much, why couldn't he find a method where they could live on together instead of this. Anyway, I wanted to call Shiraishi selfish for keeping Ichika with him when she was in a coma when she could have gone to a hospital etc, but knowing Ichika, I'm sure she would have wanted to spend as much time as she could with Shiraishi before he atoned for his crimes. And, he did seem to be in regular communication with Yanagi and them, so I'm glad Kazuki didn't have to think she died and stuff, but I’m still iffy because considering Kazuki and stuff, I wouldn’t trust this random with my sister lol. Anyway, it's a bittersweet ending, but I did enjoy how everything ended with the Christmas party they promised to celebrate together. That tragic love ending CG was really beautiful though! And I'm glad to finally see an ending where Ichika gets practically brainwashed and joins Adonis after failing to save Shiraishi, and inversely Shiraishi failing to protect her and her heart. Although I kinda still find it unlikely that she would be able to kill Yanagi and them but who knows, doesn't really matter I guess.

Overall, I have mixed feelings about Shiraishi. He's definitely not my type but I did enjoy how Ichika and Shiraishi kinda bounced off each other with their differences and personal values. They were always upfront with what they thought and honest about what they liked, what they didn't like and I think their relationship was done really nicely. They had a lot of cute moments such as visiting the stray cats and holding hands etc and I honestly feel like I should have liked Shiraishi, but I actually don't lol. Like, I guess I liked their relationship, but his story and everything didn't resonate with me. Personally, I feel like the greatest setback for this route was actually that it focused too much on building the romance and neglected Shiraishi's background with Adonis, his feelings and thoughts, and his relationship with Mikuni that ended up hurting him because he basically killed him to help Ichika. I feel like everything about Shiraishi and Adonis at the end was like an information dump about how Adonis takes care of orphans to raise as their officers or whatever, which imo felt kinda weird because supposedly so many of them exist but they’re never a part of the story in any way, and why do they bother trying to find people like Ichika to become executors other than to use them as scapegoats or something, but the core of the X-Day plans basically has nothing to do with these officers? Anyway, I just found the whole thing with Shiraishi and Adonis to be handled poorly and I think it could have made a bigger impact on me if they bothered to focus a bit more on it throughout the route instead of just at the end where it honestly didn't make me feel anything for him or the whole thing. I sound so slack lolll, but the biggest indication that I really didn't enjoy it that much was when I straight away went into Yanagi's story afterwards loll. I usually need time to digest when I finish a route, but yeah I think I was pretty disappointed with Shiraishi and his route. But I do like how it was different to the others since it's not really a "happy ending" considering he's a criminal etc, so that was interesting, but I feel sorry for the people that would have wanted something happier. Anyhow, really liked the romance development and their relationship but not so much the Adonis stuff surrounding Shiraishi, however the Uno siblings were nice “villains” for this route.