#stephen holder x y/n

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Bake Me a Cake (Stephen Holder Drabble)

Fandom: The Killing, Stephen Holder, f!reader

Summary: An offhanded joke leads to unexpected places.

Word Count: 562

“Bake me a cake, and we’ll talk.”

It had been a joke. An off-the-cuff response to Holder’s incessant flirting. After all, you had never seen him eat anything other than take-out or junk food. There was no way this man knew how to bake anything, even something as easy as a cake.

And yet, when you came into work the next morning, there was a fresh cake sitting on your side of your shared desk. Holder was nowhere to be seen, but it was obviously from him. Besides the obvious fact that the two of you had been discussing it yesterday, on top of the pink frosting he had spelled out “Let’s talk” with chocolate chips.

There was a fork and a CD next to the cake that had “Just ta prove it” scrawled on it in Holder’s messy writing. Popping the disc into your computer, you were greeted by slides of pictures and videos of Holder in his kitchen. He had exchanged his hoodie for an apron, and he was smiling goofily at the camera. As the slides progressed, it showed Holder making the cake through every step of the progress. There was no doubt about it. The pastry on your desk was made from scratch by your partner.

You eyed it cautiously. Even though it had seemed as if Holder had followed all the correct steps in the video, you were still hesitant to try it. But then again, how bad could he really screw up cake?

Picking up the fork, you broke off a small bite and brought it to your lips. As soon as the flavor hit your tongue, you couldn’t help the moan of pleasure that escaped your mouth.

“Ah snap! I knew I could get you to make that sound one way or another.” You whipped around to see Holder leaning against the doorframe, the same goofy smile as from the video spread across his face.

“What the hell, Holder!”

His face dropped immediately. “No, I…it was just a joke…I didn’t-”

You waved him off. “Not that. You’ve said worse in front of suspects or the boss. No, how the hell did you never tell me you knew how to bake like this!”

“Oh!” He seemed momentarily surprised but then he shrugged. “You never asked. When my moms left and Liz started takin’ care of me, I taught myself to cook so I could help out some.”

“Wait….so it’s not just cake? You can cook real meal food too?”

“Sure. Whatever you want, mama.”

You crossed your arms. “You realize if you would have told me that a long time ago, I would have agreed to this date a lot sooner.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Sure. Haven’t you ever heard the expression, ‘a way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach’?”

“Yeah but-” he paused as he finally realized what you had said. “Wait…so does that mean you’ll go out with me?”

You shrugged. “Why not. Turns out, there’s still a lot I don’t know about you. Maybe it’ll be nice to learn more once we’re away from the job.”

Holder practically leaped for joy. “Ah yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout! And if you think I’m good in the kitchen, just wait ‘til you see what I can do in the bedroom.”

You rolled your eyes, but you had to admit….you were pretty excited to find out.

[johnbassplayercutie]

Man-U-Lip-U-Lator

Warnings: 18+, manipulation, fem!reader x stephen glass

Word count: 1.6k

Summary: You work with Stephen, and after a few times of hearing his stories at weekly meetings, you grow suspicious of him. You stay late one day at work when it's just you and him there after everyone's left. Your plan is to interrogate him or at least figure out if he's really telling the truth. You notice he gets up to print some stuff in the printing room and decide on snooping through his things in his office. Once finding incriminating evidence that suggests he's faking everything, he comes back catching you sifting through his stuff (aka his little black book from the movie with all his "info" in it lmao).

part one ♡

— — — —

Stephen finishes up collecting his printed copies and walks back to his office. He's too preoccupied to notice that you’re missing from your own.

Stephen enters, gripping his copies tightly and stands frozen in shock at you leaning over his messy desk of papers.

"What are you doing?!" He whines loudly, noticing you holding his little planner, open to a random page.

You whip your head to the office door and almost yelp out at his sudden appearance. It's too late now to back out.

"You've been lying, haven't you?" You state matter-of-factly rather than a simple question.

"What are you talking about?" Stephen questions as he feigns ignorance to the topic, "Give me back my planner, that's important for my sources!"

"Yeah, yeah. Your sources." You rolled your eyes and finger quoted sarcastically.

"Look, if this is about if Dave ever picked up from the Hackers Organization, I already gave Chuck the correct phone number. I got it confused with another one of my sources." Stephen tried to derail the topic.

"Stephen, I know you’ve been lying. And that goes for the Hackers Organization, too." You state, crossing your arms and holding his planner close.

You know he would try to snatch it at any chance if it means saving his ass from being fired. There was no way you'd let him get the satisfaction.

"Are you mad at me?! Did I do something wrong?" Stephen questions worriedly, "I swear I just made a few mistakes with the details, but I gave Chuck all the correct information!" He babbles on with an anxious tone and demeanor.

His attitude begins to make you falter. Maybe it's all just in your head and you're jealous of his success. You almost feel bad for him, he's practically about to beg on his knees.

No, no, no, snap out of it! You were sure of it.

Stephen steps closer to you, obviously trying to get his planner back. You distance yourself from him but back up into his computer, knocking over his pencil holder on the desk, the contents spilling all over the floor.

"Y/N, watch where you're going! You could've deleted the files on my computer, they’re important!” He whines out like usual. You scramble to the floor, attempting to pick up the scattered pencils whilst placing his planner down beside you.

Stephen eyes his planner down beside you but keeps up with the manipulation tactics. He’s hoping he will dissuade you from what he knows is the truth. He kneels down, helping you pick up the pencils off the floor and returning them into the holder. Stephen stares at you intently before speaking, sure of himself that this lie will work.

"Look, if you really don't believe me, you could always come over to my apartment," You meet his eyes, confused as to how that could even be a solution. He continues on and notices you're not buying it before quickly conjuring up more lies with ease, "I have the cassette tape recordings of my sessions with the Hackers Organization. I could play it for you if you don't believe me. I even have tapes from other editorials I did."

You ponder if he could be really telling you the truth. It wouldn't really hurt to try and hear him out. You still have his planner and you could use it against him as blackmail if all proves false.

"Okay....but if you're lying about this, then I'm going to report you to Chuck. I have this to prove otherwise,"

You reach to grab the planner but notice that it's not where you placed it. You panic internally but try to act calm, then noticing Stephen is grasping the planner for his dear life. You flicker to his hands and his knuckles are white and veins strained.

His eyes meet yours and you can almost see him smirk. Almost.

Damn it.

"Look, I really don't like the way you're treating me. I feel really attacked!" Stephen states, getting suddenly defensive and angry.

"I'm not– I-I just want what's best for our readers and everyone working here." You say softly, feeling put on the spot as he scolds you.

"You're one of my editors! You're supposed to support me, but you're taking Chuck's side over mine!" He raises his voice again, visibly upset, chest rising and falling in agony.

He looks sad, tears forming in his eyes, but something is off. He quickly falters, and you can see him forming a shy smile.

"If you really don't believe me, you can come listen to the cassette tapes..." He says softly and shamefully, like someone denied him of something meaningful. He completely avoids the fact that he just took the notes, spoiling your plans of questioning him.

You have no choice but to do as he says. Your only solution from this disaster was that note planner.

"Alright, fine. Let's go before it's too late. I have more important things to do than deal with this all night." You say exasperated, urging him to grab his things and get this over and done with. The sooner you can hear or not hear these tapes, the closer you are to deciding Stephen's fate.

Stephen takes the planner and stuffs it into his leather briefcase, zipping it up. He can't risk you snatching it away from him again.

He returns to his usual chirpy self, babbling on about random facts, talking about things in his office or his apartment. It's like whatever outburst he had a few minutes ago never happened.

He glances over at you, keeping a close eye on you as he puts his arms through his suit jacket. His gaze is intense and you feel the butterflies in your stomach. The urge to look away is becoming strong but his eyes lure you in. You flush red in the face and suddenly you’re squeezing your thighs together. Only a look from him and you’re already wet.

Stephen’s eyes flicker down, noticing your tension before he looks back to your face, biting his lip knowingly.

You have to admit Stephen was always handsome. You've always kept a watchful eye on him at work, only solidifying the fact. There's no denying that you may have a crush on obsession with him. How else would you suspect he was lying when all you do is eavesdrop and watch him?

Stephen gives a small smile as he adjusts his collar, walking up to you. You feel your heart begin to race at his closeness. He leans in closer, reaching an arm around you. You can hear your heart stop for a second.

A second later, the click of the mouse awakens you from a daze. You can hear his slow breathing next to your ear as he's against you, trapping you against the desk. He whispers softly in your ear, "Just have to save my work and turn off the computer before we go." You can hear him grin before clicking the power button and moving back to face you.

You're in shock at the proximity between the two of you. Your mind is misfiring, confused as to where the shy and boyish Stephen had run off to. No, he was right in front of you...right?

"Stephen, I–" You're about to speak but no words come to mind. You sigh quietly as his hand grazes against your hip, steadying you against his desk.

He quirks a brow, urging you on to continue. He's pleased, his smile coming through as he resists doing so.

"Uh—nevermind." You falter before looking anywhere but at him. His face is so close you could kiss him.

"Okay," He pulls away and shrugs. He's smiling now, flickering his eyes away playfully before turning toward the door. "You should probably grab your coat." Stephen walks over to the chair and grabs his briefcase and coat, waiting for you by the door. His finger rests on the light switch, ready for you to exit his office first.

You're blushing and it's clearly obvious now that he's got you in his trap. You turn to him before walking out his door, "I'll be right back."

You grab your coat and purse and quickly flick off your office lights, closing the door behind you. Stephen's waiting for you by the elevator at the end of the room. As you slip into your coat, Stephen is facing the elevator before turning to you as you approach his side.

"You, first." He states as the door slides open, his gaze holding yours with intensity.

taglist: @nananooti @haydensbbg

[justyoursicanon]

Finally, we can eat in peace

Summary: When the Avengers decided to have lunch together at the compound they were able to convince one Stephen Strange to join and that bothered you a lot. it wasn't your fault you fell in love with the guy, but at least you weren't the only one feeling it.

Pairing: Stephen Strange x male!Reader

Warnings: None!

"Give me the damn spatula Kate Bishop or else everyone will starve." Yelena said as she failed to catch the swinging spatula from the archer, who only chuckles in response as they lifted their arm higher out of reach. That was until the spatula was quickly grabbed and taken away, Kate looked back and sees Peter who had used his webs to grab it. Peter smiled and walked to Yelena and handed it back, "Why thank you spider boy, at least there is someone who helps me finish my job." Kate pouts and walks back to sit on her stood on the counter dining table. "No problem Miss Belova!" Peter replies and goes back to finish his homework. Yelena turns back to her pot of mac n cheese and continues to finish it off, after stirring it more she turns to cut more cheese and grabs another knife from the knife holder. But before she cuts a slice she eyes the knife and raises an eyebrow at the familiar design. "Barnes did you put your knife in the knife holder again?" Yelena asks as she glances at the table. Bucky turns his attention from talking to Sam to face with Yelena, his expression plastered with confusion. He looks back at Sam who only raises his hands in defense. "Wasn't me this time Buck, I already lost count how many knifes you even own." With Sam off his list Bucky only shrugs as a response. Yelena rolls her eyes and proceeds to cut multiple slices of cheese.

A few moments later doors slide opens and revealed Y/n who looked fairly tired and only wanted to sleep, even if he was covered in oil and dust. "What the hell happened to you?" Bucky asks while Y/n slumps onto stool and bumps their head on the marble table. "Mission.." Was all he muttered and sighed. "Ah Y/n. I thought you were about to miss my greatly made mac n cheese, get yourself cleaned. I do not want a dirty agent on the dinner table." Y/n looked up and stared at Yelena who continued to finish the mac n cheese. Y/n then stood up and removed their belt and vest and threw them who knows where and sat on the stool again. "It is done!" Yelena exclaimed and at the same time in the distant, sparks were heard somewhere in the room. A sparking portal appeared and came in Stephen who was for once wearing normal clothing. "So the chosen one actually came." Sam smirked. "Don't make me regret this." Stephen muttered and took a seat on a stool.

His eyes roamed the room as he waited for everyone to settle down, then his eyes landed on Y/n. Who was probably asleep by now, the freshly dried scars and smudges of blood and oil concerned him but as soon as he thought to open his mouth Y/n lifts his head up and watches Kate place plates in front of everyone. Stephen felt a rush of embarrassment as he realized Y/n had caught his curious gaze on him. As for the agent, he indeed caught Stephen's gaze but was too drained to care. But out of curiosity and tiredness, He asked. "The hell were you looking at Strange?" Stephen rolls his eyes and glanced at him. "Well not you of course." Y/n groans, his smooth voice may have eased his growing headache but the dynamic that they had didn't help. "Why do I even bother.." He mutters and waits as Peter grabs a spoon full of mac n cheese on his plate.

As everyone eats, some had their minds running. Besides Y/n and Stephen being stubborn with their thoughts, Kate kept glancing at both of them. With the young archer still being new, she doesn't know much of the agent's and sorcerer's dynamic but only thinks they were a couple. So, being clueless and confused she leans near Peter and asks. "Does Y/n and Strange have couple issues?" the question caught the teenager off guard and immediately chokes on his food. Kate panics and passes his water to him which he quickly accepts, "You alright Peter?" Y/n asks while rubbing his back as Peter's cough lessens. "What the hell was that about?" Sam asks. The boy points at Kate who just shrugs. "What? I just asked if Agent Y/n and Doctor strange have couple issues!" Y/n stops rubbing Peter's back as they process the question while Stephen did a double take. "Couple issues?- Kate were not-" "Yes they have terrible, terrible issues and still do not take the offer of couple's therapy with Wilson and Barnes yet. It is sad really." Yelena responds while taking a sip of their beer. Kate nods at the 'explanation' while Stephen glares at her. Y/n rubs their forehead to soften the headache from earlier and tries to explain. "Kate, Strange and I aren't together, we just work together and that's it. No dates, no couple's therapy or whatever that is. Nothing." Even if it was the truth, it slightly hurt Y/n to let the word fall from his lips. Stephen stayed silent and thought about the agent's words and lets out a quiet sigh, "Nah that's not it, their both in love but just love hating each other for the fun of it." Sam speaks up and smirks as Stephen lowers his head while Y/n face plants on the table feeling defeated. 'This is all bullshit and my headache isn't making it better.' Y/n thought and sighed. 'Yknow what? I'll just say it to make them shut up. Besides, what's the worse that could happen'

Y/n pushes their half finished plate aside and stood up. "Fuck you guys, Yea I'm in love with that annoying magic guy with a big goddamn ego! Now if your done teasing me about it you can say sorry once i come back after a good ass nap!" Y/n says aloud, and immediately regrets it as his headache pounds him off once again. He walks out of the kitchen and to the living room and falls on the couch and takes the said nap. Everyone sat in silence as they watch Y/n disappear in the other room, Stephen felt heat trailing his cheeks to his neck and he brings a palm to his face to cover the obvious blush while Kate stares between the living room and Stephen.

"So are they together or?"

The End (So sorry this took long and I hope you enjoy it!)

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

Defender Strange - ‘greeting the sunrise’ part two

a Defender Strange x Female Reader fic [continued from]

edit courtesy of @doctorstrangeaskblog

summary: a sweet & unexpected friendship flourishes between the Sorcerer Supreme and a Sorceress in training at Kamar-Taj - and in due time, turns to something more💖 characters: Defender Strange, Sorceress Female Reader/Y/N genre: friendship, mutual pining, slow burn, first kisses rating: general audience (for now) word count: 3.5k

You set your toothbrush back in the holder and turned your eyes to the small mirror above the sink, surprised that your eyes weren’t puffy from arising at this extra early hour. Stephen had invited you to join him just outside the compound, for an exercise he referred to as ‘greeting the sunrise’. “There’s nothing quite like it,” he had promised, “Just yourself and nature’s glory all around you. It gives you a wonderful perspective and a feeling of…well, harmony with the material world. And a sense of your own, unlimited possibilities.” Certainly, that was a tempting inducement—along with his assurance that it might help you feel more confident and relaxed about facing your tests to come. But being honest with yourself, you knew you had agreed mainly to spend more time in his company.

As he’d suggested, you donned your most comfortable workout wear. A lightweight linen tank over an athletic bra, and loose cotton culottes with comfy, well broken-in canvas shoes. You’d pulled your hair into a high ponytail, smiling to imagine that Stephen might also be securing his thick mane into his usual style at this exact moment. The low, pleasant flutter of butterflies in your stomach announced itself soon after you crossed over the threshold of you room, growing stronger with each step towards your destination. Not a surprise; this had become the norm where Stephen was concerned.

The coming dawn had lightened the sky enough for you to find the little path he had described for you to follow to his special place, which offered a pristine view of the mountains on the near horizon. You found him sitting cross-legged on a bamboo mat, eyes closed in meditation. Every line of Stephen’s body beckoned to you. To your heart. His peerless profile and long neck. His broad shoulders and bare, muscular arms. The perfection of his posture—never had you known a man so straight-backed in every waking moment. Even the calm, deep cadence of his breathing held you mesmerized and unwilling to disturb the serenity he projected.

Fortunately, he must have sensed your presence because he opened his eyes and turned your way. With a small toss of his head, he beckoned to you, “Good morning, Y/N. No need to be shy—c’mon over.” You watched him unfold his long form and take to his feet, while crossing to him.

“Good morning,” you grinned, hoping you didn’t sound as lovesick as you felt. “This place is gorgeous. Yoga exercises aside, it would make perfect spot for a picnic.”

His eyes danced with good humor, though he laid his index finger against his lips a moment. “It’s one of my few secrets—only Wong, and now you, know it’s my place to make a quiet escape for a time…when I need one.”

“I’m honored, Stephen.” Your first blush of the day made you feel self-conscious, but you promised him gamely, “And your secret is safe with me.”

“You’re trying too hard, Y/N,” Stephen told you patiently, “This is meant to center you. To allow you to simply coexist with your internal energy, so that when you tap into other dimensional energies for spell work or conjuring shields and weapons, they can blend seamlessly with your own.” He gave a little huff of amusement, “This is not meant to be a workout. You understand?”

“Yes…yes, I do…” you sighed in exasperation, jutting your lower lip out enough to blow away the damp tendrils of hair that were stuck to your forehead. He had given you a full demonstration of the exercise, along with a thorough explanation, but twenty minutes in you were still failing. “Maybe I just can’t do it.” You pressed you lips tight against giving into a more emotional outburst. It wouldn’t help you get where your teacher, friend, andthe soul you admiredmost in all the world, was trying to lead you.

Stephen wore that smirk you coveted well, the one that showed the smile it could evolve into in the shallow creases of his cheek. “Yes, you can, Y/N—and I promise that you will. Sooner than you think.”

The skeptical expression you wore moved him to a new tactic. “Alright, let’s try this. Assume the position.”

You quirked your brow and smirked back, as your mind teased you with the double entendres his choice of words invoked. Strange circled behind you as you spread your arms wide and planted your feet an arm’s length apart, with your right knee bent as you leaned in that direction. Straight-backed as could be, you nearly jumped in surprise when he placed one hand on your left shoulder and the other beneath your bicep. A shiver of delight ran down your spine while you stopped a moan from escaping your throat. You had avoided any physical contact with him for so long that you wondered if he had even a clue of what his touch could do to you. “Relax.” He drew the word out as he ran both hands slowly and firmly along the length of your arm.

You felt anything but relaxed as he repeated the motion several times more, your belly grown tight with the need for a far more intimate, forbidden touch. But you must have hidden it well, as he encouraged you. “That’s right…there it is…let the tension just flow out from the tips of your fingers. Good…doing good…”

And somehow, it did. Was it the banked power of his touch? The warmth of his own energy somehow suffusing your skin? The low, rich timbre of his voice, soothing you even as you were hyper aware how close to your ear he was speaking? Once he removed his hands, you felt as though your arm was floating in place, with no effort to keep it there on your part.

“Good…very good, Y/N.” Were you fooling yourself, or did he sound proud of you? Pleased and proud beyond that of a dispassionate teacher and or even a friend. You wished it could be so, with every loping beat of your heart. He moved to your right side, following through with the same massaging of your right arm, and urged you to turn your focus inward.

You closed your eyes, to concentrate as Stephen instructed. Drew several deep, cleansing breaths, trying to rise above the distractions around you—the most obvious of which was the man himself. Calling upon the discipline which had been one of the earliest lessons on your journey to become a master of the mystic arts, you dismissed your surroundings. The growing warmth of the rising sun upon your face. The cool, refreshing nip of the morning air, in counterpoint to the sweat of your brow. You easily let fade the early morning bird calls as they greeted the dawn and one another—but a more compelling sound was nearly impossible to dismiss. Stephen’s voice, low and patient and kind–just as it sounded in the dreams that had begun to come more frequently since you had started spending time in his company.

More beguiling still, was how close he was. Not just by touch, but by the strength of his presence. His warm breath raising the fine hairs on the back of your neck and tickling the shell of your ear. Speaking your name with an unexpected intimacy that made you weak…while making you ache with unfulfillable longing. Maybe accepting his invitation to join him in his morning stretches had been a mistake. For although your body seemed to be following his intent, that stubborn desire for him filled your core. You’d have to get away from him soon or betray your improper secret.

Perhaps he felt that imperceptible change, perhaps he already knew you well enough to read your body’s cues. He left no space between you, the solid wall of his chest against your back. Surely, he could feel you tremble, even before husking against your ear, “You’ve got this, my dear…just like I knew you would…” Stephen trailed off, though he didn’t budge. The growing tension in his body seemed to signal a struggle. He drew a long, sharp breath, and without meaning to, you echoed him, waiting, wondering what was to come next. Daring to hope that he strained exactly as you did—to not expose a forbidden truth.

And then he broke. In your imaginings it had almost always been so, for what woman doesn’t fantasize that the man she secretly wants, wants her just as desperately? But you had honestly expected that if this moment were ever to come, the revelation would be yours to make.

“…my dear, Y/N…my darling…” Stephen brushed his lips to the back of your neck, inhaling your scent deeply, as though to fix it in his memory. He lingered for only a moment and then backed away, stunned at his own behavior--and you felt that without him to lean against, your legs might just give out.

“I’m sorry…so sorry, Y/N,” he stuttered, as you turned to face him, too shocked by the disparity between his deeds and his words to form a coherent reply. “This is wrong. The worst sort of trespass of your trust.” His voice was filled with regret and longing, proof that he was somehow caught between the two. “I swear on my soul I didn’t invite you to join me for this…this purpose. I value your friendship, and respect you too much as a woman and as an initiate of the Mystic Arts to give into such an…unfortunate…impulse.”

The shame on his face was unbearable, and you needed to tell him that he had done nothing wrong. That you wanted him too, with every breath you drew. In every moment in his company. You took a small step closer and extended your hand his way, your throat so thick with emotion that you had to clear it before you spoke. “Stephen, please…I…there is…” You struggled for the right words to assuage him, “…you’ve made no trespass here…I promise you. I promise you that…that nothing could be further from the truth.” Your palm throbbed with the need to cup his cheek, while your heart ached to soothe his knit brow.

He shook his head and let it hang down, the uncharacteristic slump of his shoulders speaking all too eloquently of regret. You could not allow him to believe he had overstepped some boundary between you, nor berate himself for following the most natural impulse in the world. Now was the time to assert yourself—for Stephen’s sake.

If he felt you approach, he gave no sign. But you stood in his space and took his hand with no hesitation--the warmth of your skin, the rare intimacy of your touch, appearing to be enough to calm his usual tremoring. Definitely a good sign. “You’ve done nothing to beat yourself up over,” you told him quietly.   Stephen gave a slow, subtle shake of his head—but he was clearly listening. Time to be your bravest, you told yourself. Be brave for the both of us. You drew a long breath to gather your wisdom, then exhaled slowly. “I think we both know there’s been something more than just friendship growing between us, Stephen.” Speaking his name already felt different; like it had been meant all along to fill your mouth with the sweetest taste of your life. “We’ve both been trying our best not to show it—but I think it was bound to show itself eventually. Like it has this morning.” You lifted his hand to your lips, flush with certainty that this was what you needed to do to sway him past the sticking point—and recalling his own small gesture those several weeks ago, brushed your lips softly across his knuckles.

He raised his eyes to yours, your mouth just hovering above his fingers, and his eyes gave answer with a mix of relief and acceptance in their sunlight-paled, blue crystal depths. The smile that dawned on his face was the confirmation, and in a heartbeat more, he had gathered you into his arms. His smile was the only sunrise that mattered now. And if you were blessed in the months and years ahead, you would witness a thousand more at least.

“Your wisdom, as usual, is…impeccable,” he hummed, then bit his plump lower lip as his gaze focused on your mouth. His embrace was solid and reassuring, allowing you to relax; you felt his banked strength in the palms and fingers of his gentle hands, showing no need to rush or overwhelm you. “It always is.” Stephen slid his right hand up from your lower back to cup your cheek, and you couldn’t help closing your eyes and nestling against his warm skin. “So very wise…but so very soft too…” he mused, almost to himself, “…an irresistible combination…from the first time we spoke…” He stroked the pad of his thumb along your cheekbone, and you drew a halting breath while your eyes fluttered open. “Why did it take us so long to get here? I’ve wanted to kiss you for…it feels like forever now…know what I mean?”

You agreed with a swift nod, not surprised at the warmth and the patience filling your chest—for you had known in the depths of your silent longing that once such an acknowledgement came from either of you, your hearts would lead the way. Stephen quirked the brow above the crooked lift of his small, satisfied smile and your last thought before he brushed his lips to yours was ‘at last!’.

That first contact was soft, his lips as tender as you’d expected, and you couldn’t help the soft purr of assent in your throat. You felt the full curve of his smile as he cupped your other cheek, while you laid both hands against his chest. The heat of his skin beneath his worn linen shirt was pure enticement, as you knew it was on your account and not from his morning stretches. Even the pace of his heart matched yours.

When he pulled away from this quiet kiss, you followed forward with parted lips and eyes still closed, unwilling to relinquish the connection. “My sweet, sweet Y/N,” was all he managed before returning for more. Nudging your ready mouth with his enough to slip his lower lip between yours, applying soft suction on your upper lip, while tilting your head back slightly. Tenderly stealing your breath and your reason.

Stephen ran the tip of his tongue along your trapped lip several times, urging open your mouth to accept its patient thrust. You moaned as you accepted it, aching for him to overcome all your senses this way. The thorough dance of his tongue upon yours held the flavor of mint toothpaste and the promise of how well he would spoil you as a lover. Your joy as he finally claimed you surpassed any of your life.

And how easily you both lost track of time as the rosy hues of dawn gave way to early morning proper! At some point you had slipped one hand onto the bare skin of his neck, raising a low, delicious growl in the back of his throat, and quite obviously quickening his pulse. Reminding you that Stephen was surely even more touched-deprived than you. His embrace was firm but cautious, for he knew the extremes of his own strength and took great care to avoid causing you even the slightest discomfort. But the solid press of his body to yours hid no secrets; as you grew ever soft and eager for his touch, so he grew hard with months of desire denied.

Eventually, Stephen pulled you along as he sought a seat on a moss-covered outcropping of rock, taking you onto his lap, leaving you breathless as he kissed from the tender skin beneath your ear onto your neck, breathing sweet praise on your flesh between kisses. You sighed his name again and again, gasping your surprise as he cupped one of your breasts. “Is this alright,” he asked, not letting go.

Dizzied by how good everything between you felt, you declared amidst your sighs, “Yes…yes, my darling…more right than anything in my life…oh gaaaaawd…” This was all so much more than ‘alright’. Already better than the fleeting dreams you woke breathless from and more fulfilling than the idealistic fantasies you’d indulged in. That single word echoed at the back of your mind as you lost yourself in Stephen’s tender affections. Alright? You soon realized that if he had wanted to take you in the open, for anyone to stumble upon, you had no will to deny him.

And yet…

And yet.

And yet, at least one of you must remember the need for decorum, if only owing to Stephen’s auspicious position. As heavenly as this interlude was, as much as you had both been longing to express the desire that had flowered between you, how would it be if the Sorcerer Supreme were found indulging in such an earthly, selfish pursuit—with a woman who ultimately served under his authority?  You could easily imagine the scandal, calling into question his ability to be impartial and perhaps causing a loss of respect among the ranks of wizards under his command. You loved Stephen too much to allow such a disaster to fall upon him. Merely the thought of it created a chilling shadow upon the happiness that suffused your soul. You groaned as you accepted that for now, you must stop things from getting out of hand.

Stephen would have felt the change in you, even without that vocalization. The immediate, tender concern in his voice was a balm against your disappointment. “What is it, Y/N? What’s wrong?”

You shook your head when he raised his to face you squarely, watching you blink back the sting of your tears. “Honey, please…have I pushed too far, too soon?” He lowered his eyes and added ruefully, “You must forgive me. Please. It’s been too long since I’ve felt this way for anyone, and you deserve…” Stephen looked up again, his soulful eyes pleading his case. “…you deserve someone less clumsy at this…”

Smiling sadly, you laid one hand aside his cheek, and traced the fingertips of your other hand upon his furrowed brow. “My darling…Stephen…you’ve been perfect to me in every way. My dreams come true.” Like a prince among men. “But don’t you think we should be more careful? If we’re seen…well…gossip will spread like wildfire…”

“I won’t hear of it!” A darkness that must be very like that which his enemies face before he defeats them colored his noble features—and you felt a thrill prickle your skin at the thought that this time it was on your behalf. “Anyone doing so will answer for it to me!”

“That would be the worst sort of reaction, darling. You can’t be seen playing favorites in any way, positively or negatively.” Stephen’s passion was dear to your heart, and all the more reason for you to remain the reasonable one. “It would undermine your authority—and I won’t…I can’t…be responsible for that.”

His eyes and nostrils flared—so damn sexy it would be one of your favorite images to dwell on as you drifted off to sleep tonight—before he asked, “What can we do then…what’s our remedy? I won’t give you up.”

“Nor I, you,” you sighed, “We’ll just need to be discreet. Especially over the next couple weeks. Let me pass my tests without any appearance of undue influence…and then…”

“And then?” You adored how he was warming to your reasoning.

“And then…hmmmm…we’ll revisit our public boundaries and see where we go from there.”

Stephen was silent a moment, then laid his palm upon your hand on his cheek, holding it in place as he turned enough to kiss it. “And what about this? I’ll be wanting to hold you every moment you’re near. I’ll be hungering for your kiss even when we’re in the crowded courtyard or dining hall.”

The heat that arose in your cheeks came as much from how he his eyes confessed the truth of his proclamations as the promises themselves. And he smiled a bit wolfishly, seeing the color there. “You damn well better, Stephen. Because I will too.” You dared a swift, soft kiss on his lips, but he held you there, exacting a deeper, more enduring toll before he let you go.

He leaned his forehead to yours before you rose to leave. “Our tea times remain,” he reminded you, “To change them now would be suspicious, don’t you think?” Your smile was impish for both of your sakes. “As you command me, Doctor Strange, I will not fail you.” You backed a few steps away, loathe to leave him with the sun shining full on the face you adored and the form that you knew by heart, though your hands had not been allowed to explore it yet. “And I’ll count to the minute…to the very second…all the long hours between this meeting and the next.” With a reverential dip of your head, you turned to go, fighting the urge to look back, knowing you weren’t strong enough to resist begging for a hundred kisses more before you left.  

No Defense for the Heart - Defender Strange series

part one - 'of secret longing and hidden grief’

part two - 'of spilled tea and more than sympathy’

part three - ‘greeting the sunrise’ pt 1

part three - ‘greeting the sunrise’ pt 2

part four - ‘I’ll always be holding you’ pt 1

part four - ‘I’ll always be holding you’ pt 2 

part four - ‘I’ll always be holding you’ pt 3 (eventually)

tagging: @harlekin6 @valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn @doctorstrangeaskblog @frostandflamesfanfic @ben-locked @aeterna-auroral-avenger @paperclippedmime @ironstrange1991 @strange-dreams-are-made-of-these @clea-strange-is-the-way @fantasyfan4life @fanartka @blue-iris-messenger @strangelockd @strangesunicornsparkle @cerene-ciderr @lovecleastrange @ninetiesloki @lucimorningst4r @strangeps3lyricsmuffin @cerene-ciderr @dragonqueen89 @byondtheveil @ironducke

if you’ve asked to be tagged and I left you out, please let me know

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[reveluving]

all i got ; stephen holder x reader

summary: slow & steady progression earns Stephen the greatest gift of all.

warnings: fluff, minor angst (mentions of death, violence, injuries & drugs)

a/n: from this ask! this coincidentally became a prequel to my other Stephen fic, though you're free to read it on its own too! don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

» from this prompt , or check out my m.list!

'you weren't just saving someone's cat or dog, you were also saving his life,' ;

Life hasn’t been so nice to Stephen, that much he knew. His inner self would constantly nag about whatever progress he’s done was nothing to be praised for. A harsh one, but considering his upbringing and how it really did a number on him, it made sense, no?

That didn’t mean there weren’t good times either.

Rare, but very meaningful.

Moments which helped him to keep moving forward.

Holding his nephew when he was just a baby, his first time being clean for six months, and landing a position in the Narcotics Department were only a few, if not the only memorable moments he kept dearly.

But, nothing could ever compare when he met you.

It happened by chance, actually. He never knew of the neighbourhood’s veterinary clinic until a case involving canines — dogfighting, to be exact. Pretty low for a bunch of people to risk the lives of animals for their own benefit but at this point, he wasn’t surprised. He, himself, was in theirs, minus the dogfighting, obviously, so who was he to have a say in it? Though it wasn’t supposed to be a part of their field, they were the only once available at the time, too.

From Akita Inu’s to Pitbull Terriers, he and Sarah managed to crack the code, saving over twenty-plus injured dogs before being sent to the animal clinic nearby. He and his partner were pretty much done, but considering how they had to juggle between this and another case, plus the lieutenant extending their weekend by giving them an extra day off, then why not, they thought.

Plus, the clinic was connected to an animal shelter, so what better way to end a stressful day other than to surround themselves with a bunch of cute animals? So, they tagged along, and thank goodness they did.

Considering the small number of staff, the clinic had to seek help from the shelter as well, and that’s where you came in. He initially thought you were a receptionist or caretaker like the rest of the new faces that just came in until he caught sight of the small embroidery on the lab coat you carried.

Dr. (Y/N) (L/N).

You had completed your shift, nearly stepping out of the place when an assistant came rushing in and filled you in on the situation.

“Hate to break it to you, doc, but I know nothin’ about treatin’ animals,” He chuckled, almost out of embarrassment  — was he feeling so because he feared he might not know what he’s doing, although he had no reason to?

That had to be it, right?

“No worries,” You reassured with a wave of your hand, “I’ll guide you two, and it’s nothing tedious, I promise,”

You kept your word, dealing with the more-serious parts while guiding Stephen and Sarah on easier tasks like treating minor wounds with pet-safe soaps or ointments. Sarah didn’t talk much but you noticed she wasn’t being rude on purpose, she just really wanted to help those dogs and did what you told meticulously. That’s not to say Stephen didn’t care as much, but he did most of the ice-breaking.

Not that he needed to, but that only seemed respectful, right?

Unbeknownst to the two of you, Sarah was also listening in on the conversation, watching how Stephen wasn’t only talking because, well, that’s so like him to do so, but he really did seem like he wanted to get to know more about you.

“I really appreciate you two for helping out,” You thanked the two, escorting them to the entrance once everything was done, “Had it been otherwise, I probably would’ve needed to stay here for another hour or so, and for finding them, too. I wouldn't have expected that we’d have a community into dogfighting around here,”

“It was nothin’, doc,” He shrugged, “Just glad we found them before those assholes could do any more damage,”

“And I thank you for that, both of you,” You smiled, eyes crinkling up that, dare he say, practically lit up the room. Even Sarah’s lips upturned — guess she was feeling your good vibes, too, “You guys are more than welcome to come and visit, and, if you’re up for it, maybe you’ll have a new friend to take home with you?”

“Eh, I’m already on my landlord’s nerves but… I’ll keep that in mind, thanks,” You and Stephen shared a small laugh, feeling fuzzy on the inside before clearing his throat, “You… sure you’re alright doin’ whatever you need alone? It’s like, two in the morning,”

“I’m sure,” You gave them an ‘okay’ hand gesture, “Just need to report to the higher-ups about the conditions and I don’t live too far from here either. Plus, you two look like you need sleep immediately,” They did seem beat, but they didn’t regret coming here, though. So, they took their leave, and Stephen knew gears were turning in Sarah’s head.

“Alright, Linden, what’s up with you?” Confront or be confronted, they were going to yield the same results anyway.

“Never seen you that eager in making friends before,” She began nonchalantly but Stephen didn’t miss the little smile she was failing to hide.

“I make friends all the time,” He defended himself, only for Sarah to laugh in disbelief.

“Bullshit, you couldn’t even look at her in the eye for more than a couple of seconds!” True — normally he didn’t have a problem staring into someone’s soul, mostly for interrogation but that was beside the point. Instead, he groaned before throwing the cars at her when they reached the parking area.

“You drive,” He knew he was practically admitting defeat for dropping the subject but even he didn’t know what he was trying to do back there. That, or he was trying not to acknowledge it.

Even during the drive, Sarah would catch him smiling at the thought once in a while.

Who knew you and Stephen would end up being together just months after?

Well, Sarah, for one.

Stephen dropped by the animal shelter weeks after — I’m just here to see that cute lil’ pup with the floppy ear, he’d constantly remind himself. But, he knew better, and to top it all off, you were the one behind the counter the day he came to visit. Turns out, you were only a part-time veterinarian in the shelter. The full-time worker so–happened to be on leave when Stephen and Sarah came with the dogs. So, other than treating injuries, you fostered animals often, but funnily enough, mostly felines.

What began as a normal visit, with ‘no particular reason’ other than to coo at animals, soon bloomed into something more. Stephen practically stayed for hours and it still felt too short.

He didn’t leave the shelter with a fluffy friend, obviously, but he did have your number.

A better outcome, if you asked him, and the days only became brighter from then on.

But, it wasn’t until one night, Stephen truly let his walls down with a single phrase.

The case he had settled not only a couple of months but he was sure it took just a hint of his happiness as well. The victim, in particular, reminded him so much of himself. Stephen had only managed to speak to the teen for a few hours for questioning, only to find out he died days after. Other than his dirty blonde hair and hard-boiled personality, it was the way he spoke about himself that hit too close to home.

“Things were getting too hard for me to handle,” The boy sobbed, “Oh… oh shit, and Tara…”

“Tara?” Stephen asked, passing him the box of tissues next to him.

“M-my girlfriend,” He blew his nose before continuing, “S-she’s the only one who’s kept me grounded… Helped me stay clean for a while but now…” You couldn’t, Stephen finished the sentence in his head — he knew this all too well.

Ever since then, Stephen had this strong urge to find the culprit before it was too late. That same week, he was haunted by the fear on the boy’s face.

“I… I don’t wanna die, Mr Holder…”

Nothing could have prepared him for the news of his death just days before Stephen found the bastard of a mastermind.

Sarah had texted you about Stephen’s behaviour as a heads-up and though she told you what happened, Stephen never brought it up about it to you. 

He feared doing so.

So, even when the case was closed, he didn't feel like justice was served at all. The kid died, not knowing the drug dealer was caught, so he felt like he failed. Thankfully, Sarah drove him to your house, thankful that he didn’t protest. She, too, was mentally affected by the whole ordeal but she knew Stephen felt it on a whole other level. Sarah watched in pity as Stephen even struggled to pull the extra house keys you gave him out of his back pocket.

She could only pray your presence alone would be more than enough to keep Stephen at bay.

He wasn’t surprised to find the house silent, it was past midnight. He suddenly wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell his partner to send him home instead — he didn’t want to bother you with the shit happening at work, let alone his own problems. Not like you didn’t know what he did back then, he told you his entire story about a month ago but only because he felt comfortable sharing after you told him about yours.

Then again, being alone didn't seem like an option at the moment. He didn’t even want to think about what he’d do in order to distract himself.

Thus, he tiptoed to your room.

He wasn’t sure whether to feel glad or disappointed to see you asleep but didn’t pay too much mind on it and proceeded to change out of his clothes for comfortable ones. He tried not to make too much noise and he would’ve succeeded until he tried shuffling himself under the sheets, only for you to stir at the movements.

“Stephen?” You yawned.

“Heeey, mama, I uh, sorry for wakin’ you up. Work’s been…” He paused, “Nevermind. C’mon, give me a cuddle so we can get some shut-eye,” You’ve noticed how he was forcing his lightheartedness by now but didn’t protest when he wrapped his arms around you. His warmth was so soothing and though you were tempted to pass out yet again, he didn’t seem like he was going to sleep anytime soon.

You knew something was going on in his mind.

“Stephen,” He gave you a hum, “You know you can tell me anything, right? On your account, of course, but I’m all ears,” You took his silence as an opportunity to continue, “You had me worried for the past couple of weeks,”

Though he’d come to see you whenever he had the time, he seemed distracted, alarmed even. The only form of updates you’d get were texts from Sarah, with her knowing Stephen would’ve been too distracted or if she had to guess, scared to tell you — to drag you in his personal problems.

“I know,” He muttered, staring at the wall behind you, “I just… This is all I need right now,”

He knew he’d tell you eventually, but he didn’t have the energy to even think about it. Just thinking that the boy could’ve been him all those years ago was enough to drain everything in him. He needed you.

“Okay,” You lightly ran your fingers across his chin, down to his lightly-toned chest.

“I’m so proud of you,” His breath hitched, suddenly finding it hard to keep it together when you continued, “I know you did your very best, sweetheart. Not everyone’s willing to do the things you do, y’know? Takes a lot of guts and strength,”

Mental strength, especially.

He tightened his jaw, slowly nodding against the top of your hair in gratitude.

“Thank you,” He murmured, finally visibly relaxing when you stroked his back ever so gently. None of you peeped a word, giving him the time in the world to regulate his mind, heart and occasionally, the sniffles.

“So…” You drawled, “The shelter found a senior cat today, he reminds me of you,”

“Why, ‘cause I’m old?” You gaped at him, not meaning your sentence that way and earned yourself his soft laugh. Either way, you were glad he’s somewhat better, “I’m just kiddin’, princess. What’s it ‘bout the lil’ guy that reminded you of me?”

“Well, he kinda looks like you,” He snorted, “I’m serious! I’ve never seen a cat look so much like you until Lucas came in,”

“Lucas, huh?” He asked, “You takin’ him in soon?”

“No, I’ll be fostering a mama cat and her kittens first,”

“Kittens? Princess, the kittens you brought in last time didn’t even wanna come out from under the couch whenever I stopped by,” He wasn’t trying to stop you obviously, but he just found it pretty funny. Understandable, he had quite the height, after all.

“Well… you might find your luck with Betty and her babies?” You giggled, “But, I’ll look into Lucas, too. The staff told me he was a big grump — hissing and scratching anyone who just wanted to give him a treat,”

“But?” He felt like there was a ‘but’ somewhere.

“Okay, so, when I needed to check up on him for ear mites, I was a little scared at first because, y’know, he’s grumpy and all,” He nodded, “But, he was just looking at me with his big, round eyes, no hissing at all. He didn’t even fight back when I stroked his head, let alone touch his ears,” You seemed to be in disbelief, not Stephen though.

You’ve always had this calming aura, so he wasn’t surprised to see that cats and dogs were just as affected by you as humans would be.

“Oh yeah? Guess you’re a different kind of special,” Just then, he looked down at you with an eyebrow raised, “But the second that cat starts pissin’ in my shoes or whatever, I’m blamin’ you,”

“Heeey, you’ll never know? You two are a quite similar, might even be closer than you’d think,”

“Yeah, yeah, if you say so,” He shook his head with a chuckle, sighing in relief to have you close. He knew a simple discussion about cats wouldn’t be enough to take his mind off of the recent events but he could be doing worse.

You, on the other hand, decided to make it a point to tell him how proud you were of him. Beat it a case or his willingness to help you close up the shelter whenever he finished his work earlier, you just needed to let him know.

You weren't just saving someone's cat or dog, you were also saving his life, and he hopes he's doing the same for you.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

» gorgeous rose divider by the amazing @firefly-graphics ♡

[xxsupervampwolfxx]

Is really too much to ask for to go into a character x reader tag and find just that character x reader and not other character x reader??? Like seriously it's annoying af! 🙄😑😠

Like can I not find a Chris Evans/Captain America x reader in a Dean Winchester x reader tag!!

[wtfobiwan]

The Dock

Pairing: Stephen Holder x Reader

Words: 1,313

Warnings: mention of death, drugs, slight angst

“Do you want me to finish this up?” You asked Holder as you laid your head on your knees, looking at the picture of the dead man who had aimed his gun at you. It was a clean shot, right through the head while his bullet narrowly missed you. You were expecting to be reprimanded for that shot, knowing that it was messier to explain why you did it, but the only explanation you could give was looking at Stephen, watching as he looked back at you and nodded, knowing now that he would handle the cops that were getting in your face. As you began to walk away, you felt someone wrap their hand around your wrist, making you turn sharply before slapping the cop that was holding your wrist, the loud slap filling the quiet air. The man had let you go, walking to your office before slamming the door. You put the picture back on the desk and let out a heavy sigh, tightening your fist before releasing it after a few seconds.

“Yo, Y/L/N. Get out of here,” Holder said, making you look up at him, watching as he held up the file before setting it down on his desk. “I’m serious. You nearly got shot and you hit Reddick. You need to get out of here and relax. I’ll finish this case up.” The blond said, making you nod before moving your legs out of your desk chair. You stood up slowly and grabbed your jacket, walking towards the door. You stopped behind Holder and looked at the file from over his shoulder. He turned and looked at you, running the knuckle of his pointer finger over the top of your hand. “Go. I’ll check on you later, maybe bring some food if there’s still a place open when I’m done with this.” He said, making you smile at him before nodding, running your hand over his shoulder before leaving the office, walking out of the building slowly.

You drove to the marina that was close to your apartment, parking the car and sitting there for a few minutes before turning the engine off and getting out. Walking down the dock quietly, you pulled a joint out of your pocket along with a lighter, placing the joint between your lips before lighting it, taking a big hit from it as you sat down. After removing the joint from your lips, you blew the smoke from your lungs slowly, pinching the bridge of your nose as the sound of the gunshot from earlier played in your head.

You heard the sound of shoes hitting the wood of the deck, making you hang your head as you let out a heavy sigh. “Bennet said that he saw you down here, that he didn’t want to get close to you after he saw you hit Reddick like that,” You heard Holder say from behind you, making you huff before you took a hit of the joint that you held between your fingers. “I didn’t take you for a stoner. Guess everyone has their secrets.” Stephen said, making you laugh softly.

“You have your ways to stay calm, I have mine,” you told Holder, watching as he sat next to you on the dock, looking away before flicking the end of the joint, the ashes fluttering through the air before they landed on the water. “You gonna turn me in, Detective?” You asked, hearing the blond chuckle, making you look at him again.

“Nah. I’m not a Narc anymore, man. If it keeps you relaxed then use it,” he said, a smile laying on his lips as he looked at you. After taking another hit from the joint, you held it out to Holder, who looked at it before plucking it from your fingers gently. You blew out the smoke as he held the joint up to his lips, taking a long hit from it. Stephen handed the joint back before exhaling, the smoke leaving his mouth slowly. The both of you finished the joint together in silence, listening to the water as it crashed against the deck softly. Humming softly, you stood up and moved away from the edge of the dock, toeing your shoes off and pulling your socks off, stuffing them into one of your shoes before pulling off your shirt and pants, leaving you in your underwear. Turning around quickly, you ran and jumped off of the edge of the dock, landing in the cool water. Swimming to the surface, you turned and looked at Holder, who was looking at you in disbelief.

“Yo, what’re you doin’?” He exclaimed, making you laugh as moved to the dock, looking up at the man who sat there. “I knew you were wild but I didn’t think you were crazy.” Holder announced with a look of disbelief on his face.

“I’m not crazy. It’s the middle of summer and I’m bored, Holder. So you can sit there and judge me but it’s not gonna stop me from swimming,” you told the blond, hearing him chuckle as you turned and swam away. After a few minutes, a loud splash came from behind you, making you turn to see Holder emerging from the water.

“What. You thought you were gonna be the only one having fun? I don’t think so, babe,” the blonde said before swimming over to you. You laughed softly before moving closer to the man, looking over his features. You looked at the dock and saw Dan, another officer that was on the case with you and Holder, walking down the dock.

“What are you guys doing? It’s two in the morning,” Dan asked, making Holder look at you before swimming in front of you, covering your body from the other officer’s gaze.

“What does it look like we’re doing? We finished our case and we wanted to have a bit of fun before Lieutenant drags us back into the office,” Holder told Dan, making you smile a bit. “Didn’t your mama ever tell you it’s rude to look at a person when they’re half naked? Get outta here.” You laughed quietly at the comment, watching as Dan looked at the both of you before shaking his head in disbelief, turning around and walking back to his car. After the car pulled away, Stephen turned around with an annoyed look resting on his face before he smiled at you. You felt something touch your side, making you flinch slightly.

“Did you touch me?” You asked softly, watching as Holder shook his head. I hummed a response before beginning to swim again, feeling something touch my leg as I began to move. “Holder, stop touching me!” You exclaimed, hearing the man let out a laugh before you felt his hand gently grab your ankle, pulling you back towards him before removing his hand.

“C’mon, how can you resist this?” Holder asked you quietly, a little smile resting on his lips as he looked at you. Scoffing, you pushed Holder’s face away and swam away from him, moving towards the dock. Once you got to the dock, you lifted yourself up onto the platform and got to your feet, moving to my pile of clothes before stripping from the wet underwear you wore, getting into the sweatpants and shirt you wore, slipping your feet into your socks and shoes before looking back at the man in the water.

“I’ve been doing it for months, Holder. This job doesn’t allow us to have normal lives. I’m sure you know that by now,” you told the man, watching as he turned to look at you. A frown rested on your lips as he looked up at you, making you nod your head once before turning around and walking down the dock, beginning to walk to your car, thoughts rampaging through your mind.

Taglist

@mushroomlupin @galaxysgal @anothersworld @druigswitch @mothdruid @faery-god @pastelpixies @daremartyevil @maddu-oliveira @11thstreetvigilante @ratcatcher2world @a-reader-and-a-writer @fairchildflag @bewitchedignition @skvatnavle @lacontroller1991 @loverhymeswith

[babblydrabbly]

“you belong to me, with me, under me. consensually, of course” maybe with holder????

stephen holder x reader - general - warnings: suggestive language

"Hey, I'm out," You bid goodbye to Linden without stopping, waving at the detective from her open office door. She gives you a wave back, but it's Stephen Holder who hops up from his swivel chair and joins you in the precinct hallway.

"Yo, where you headed so early?"

"It's Friday." You remind him.

"Yeah?"

"I've got shit to do. People to date." You say with a smirk. Stephen presses his shoulder against the wall as you hit the elevator button, huffing down at you with a grin.

"People, huh? What people?"

You shrug. "Tinder guys."

Stephen covers his face with both hands in feigned despair.

"Y/n, Yn. Why you wastin' time with all these sea bass trophy... Cochella ass boys, huh? That what you want? You wanna babysit some asshole saving up to put an illegal muffler on his Nissan?"

"As opposed to what? Some asshole with a piece of shit Honda?" You quip back. The elevator dings, letting you on, but Stephen's there holding the door open.

He drags his eyes up and down your frame with a small, adoring smile on his face. The one that makes you a little light headed. He knows your policy- Absolutely no dating coworkers.

"You should lemme cook you dinner one a these Friday nights, huh? Treat you real nice. Candles and everything." He offers for the millionth time.

And every time, you imagine what Stephen Holder would look like across from you at the kitchen table, his ankle rubbing ever so gently against yours from underneath it as you sit and laugh and get along so easily- like you do when you're at work. Like you do even when the job threatens to drag you down too far every week. You know he's thinking the same thing.

"C'mon, Y/n. Y'already know you belong to me, with me, under me... Consensually, of course." His shit eating grin is incorrigible.

An alarm sounds from the speaker above you, warning everyone there's an obstruction blocking the doors. You shake your head and glance away, the corners of your lips still upturned.

"Go away, Detective Holder." You chuckle. Stephen releases the door with his hands held up in defeat. For now.

He backs away from the elevator and gives you a little wave, and you watch him as he turns back down the hall.

"I got yo number, Detective." He sings with a half-assed little heel kick.

And you'll never admit it- he really does.

Drabble Starters

[lacontroller1991]

FEBUWHUMP MASTER LIST

Created by @febuwhump​

Most of these are going to be Joel Related characters (sorry... not sorry) so heads up!

Day 1:  Head Wound - Daryl Dixon x F!Reader

Day 2:  Failed Rescue Attempt - Ed Baldwin x F!Reader

Day 3: Blood Loss - Takeshi Kovacs x F!Reader

Day 4: Nightmares -  Rick Flag x F!Reader

Day 5: “Let Me See” -  Rick Flag x F!Reader

Day 6: Hypothermia - Stephen Holder x F!Reader

Day 7: Used as an Experiment - Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Day 8: No Anesthesia - Rick Flag x F!Reader

Day 9:  Kidnapped - Rick Flag x F!Reader

Day 10: “How Long Has It Been” - Stephen Holder x F!Reader

Day 11: Chronic Pain - Johnny Lawrence x F!Reader

Day 12: Spiked Drink - Takeshi Kovacs x F!Reader

Day 13: Won’t Regain Consciousness - Stephen Holder x F!Reader

Day 14:  Shrapnel - Rick Flag x F!Reader

Day 15: Hidden Scars - Stephen Holder x F!Reader

Day 16: "Does That Hurt?” - Adrian Chase x F!Reader

Day 17: Self-Inflicted Wounds - Daryl Dixon x F!Reader

Day 18: Forced to Watch - Daryl Dixon x F!Reader

Day 19:  Delirium - Ed Baldwin x F!Reader

Day 20: “I Dreamt You Were Alive” - Rick Flag x F!Reader

Day 21: “Help Them” - Rick Grimes x F!Reader

Day 22: Restrained - TBD

Day 23: “Don’t Leave” - Ed Baldwin x F!Reader

Day 24: Too Weak To Move - Rick Flag x F!Reader

Day 25: Black Eye - Stephen Holder x F!Reader

Day 26: “Please Don’t Do This” - Rick Flag x F!Reader

Day 27:  Shower Breakdown - Takeshi Kovacs x F!Reader

Day 28: Presumed Dead - Ed Baldwin x F!Reader

General Tag List: @marvelousmermaid @yelenas-lova @himbovillain-anon @babblydrabbly @a-reader-and-a-writer @fairchildflag @siliethkaijuy @infatuatedjanes @niki-xie

Joel Related Tag List: @aestheticallywinchester @loverhymeswith @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o @xoxabs88xox @witchygagirl @the1redrose @ratcatcher2world @green-socks @heart-0n-fire @weallhaveadestiny @yourjacketisnowdry @rachelh1992 @tompetersebbuckyhazleo @a-girl-who-loves-disney​ @knivesareout​ @bubblegloopswampwitch​ @waspswidows​ @burntghoost​ @mattymurdocksbitch​ @katjnordstrom96​ @bb-skyrunner​ @11thstreetvigilante​

Let me know if you wanna be tagged in any of them!

DISCLAIMER: I have most of these preplanned out, I just didn’t want to type the days that I have completed yet!

[christinasyellowflowers]

Serenity | Stephen Holder

Stephen Holder x F!Reader

Summary: Y/n brings Stephen his suit, that he'd bought a few sizes bigger, after fixing it.

Warnings: I write Holder for the first time. Might be out of character? Other than that none!

Note:  English is not my native language so beware there may be grammar or spelling mistakes. I was too eager to post this, meaning I didn’t bother to proofread it. I might do it afterwards.

Tags: @loverhymeswith​ 

Do not repost please!

Feedback is appreciated!

It was a typical day in Seattle, cold and depressing, when Y/N opened her front door with a storage bag and her pink sewing basket in her hands. It's been three weeks since her neighbor, Detective Holder, had asked her to fix one his work suits. He'd admitted that he bought it in such a hurry, he hadn't even noticed it was three sizes bigger until he had washed them.

“How could you not notice, though?” Y/N frowned in confusion, watching the lanky detective pacing in circles like a penguin in the navy suit.

“Got a phone call 'bout a new lead, and I had to run, ya know.” he shrugged, stopping before her. “Will you fix it, li'l sugar.”

Despite the fact that she found his excuse sketchy, she agreed to adjust the suit to his measurements. Besides sitting in front of a sewing machine while being surrounded by all kinds of materials and clothes was her job. And, of course, she wouldn't turn down an opportunity like this.

Although the times he hang out with her were rare due to his line of work, Y/n enjoyed his company immensely. He was honest, direct, and his silly jokes never failed to make her giggle. And even though his dark past was known to her, she couldn't help but develop feelings for him.

“Here goes.” she muttered to herself before knocking on the door. Stephen answered the door almost immediately.

“There's my girl!” he exclaimed cheerfully. “Come on in, neighbor.”

Y/N smiled and mumbled a small 'Hello' in return.

“Is something wrong?” Holder asked concerned.

“Just a little tired.” she reassured him, before handing him the the plastic bag. “Here. Put it on.”

“Straight to business, hey.” he said. “Don't you want something to eat? Drink?”

“Maybe later. Now, go change. I wanna make sure I did a proper job.”

“I'll be right back.” he poked her shoulder as he took the bag from her.

Y/N bit her lower lip while she watched him disappear in his bedroom. She had never seen him wear anything other baggy jeans and hoodies. Honestly, the perfect attire to much his personality. However, she highly believed that he would rock the heck out of a suit.

“Would you look at that. I was right!” she nodded to herself, when Holder emerged from his room. No tank top underneath the white cotton shirt, buttoned up halfway, and the light blue tie resting unlaced upon his shoulders.

“'bout what?”

“You look-” Hot as hell. “-great!” she complimented.

“I always look great, mama.” he titled his head, smiling slyly.

“Sure thing, Esteban.” she mimicked his expression, before getting to work. She noticed three loose buttons on the shirt, and while she expressed her annoyance to him for sewing those in a hurry yesterday, she was vividly glad on the inside. It was a nice view. His pale chest with barely any hair visible, and the black ink forming the word 'Serenity' on it.  

“Like what you see, baby?” he teased as he followed her gaze.

“I do. Very much, may I add.” she said, hiding her sincere answer with her sarcastic tone. “Can you take it off so I can sew them properly.”

“Do it yourself, sugar.” he told her, expanding his arms like a hawk in the air.

You little piece of shit.

Her eyes shifted from his hazel eyes to his tattooed chest twice, before she began undoing his shirt under his intensive gaze. Her stare was fixed on the ink, as she moved her fingers in a slow pace. If his goal was to make her feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, he succeeded. Of course, she wouldn't flatter him no further, by showing her discomfort. After all, she exceptionally good at hiding her feelings.

“Have you found it, then?” she asked, looking up at him when she opened the last button.

“What?”

“Serenity.” she explicated. “The ink in your other tattoos is faded in addition to this one, indicating it's more recent.”

Her right hand found it's way up, and her fingers roamed gently on his chest on impulse as she continued to speak more to herself, it would seem.

“Are you serene now that you've been clean for over a year, or perhaps...” she trailed off. She shook her head lightly, without finishing the sentence and as she began to remove her hand, Stephen took a hold of her wrist with on hand, while the other cloaked around her throat. He didn't squeeze her though.

Her eyes snapped upwards instantly in fright. She was well aware of his anger management issues, and how absurdly he could snap. Presuming that either the words she uttered or the physical touch affected him in a bad way, she parted her lips ,ready to apologize.  

What escaped Y/n's mouth however, weren't words but a justified yelp of pure surprise when Holder's lips collided with hers. Even though his lips were gentle and delicate against own, Y/n could feel a desperation hidden behind it. A desperation she couldn't quiet determine.  

Stephen released his gentle grip from her neck, sliding down until it reached her waist. He pulled Y/n into his embrace with so much force, resulting Y/n to loose her balance and step on his bare toes. In an attempt to maintain her balance, as well as his own, without breaking the kiss they, they ended up falling.

“Ow!” Y/n cried out in pain. Whilst Holder fell on his back, Y/n banged her forehead against the coffee table before landing next to him.

“Damn, Y/n you okay?” Holder asked worriedly, cupping her face.

“No!” she groaned. “The edge barely missed my eye. What if I lost my eye?”

“Come on, now.” he chuckled, helping her on her feet. “Don't be such a child, mama.”

“Right, sorry. I forgot that acting like a child is your job, Esteban.”

“'scuse me?” he asked in disbelief. “I'm the definition of mature, baby.”

She gave him an amusing look, before bursting into laughter increasing his annoyance.

“Stop laughing at me, or you'll regret it.”

Instead of stopping or throwing a remark, she continued laughing.

“Seriously, will you shut up?” he snapped, glaring at her.

“Only if you make me.” she sang.

“Oh, you naughty girl.” his glare was instantly replaced with a smirk, as he pulled her into him once more.

It wasn't long before his white shirt landed on the floor, wrinkled, but fix it was the last thing either of them cared about.

~~

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Clowns

Fandom: The Killing, Stephen Holder

Summary: Holder and you are trying to track down a suspect, but something about him is making Holder uncomfortable.

Word Count: 1987

TW: Angst, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Chemical Burns, Past Trauma, Fear of Clowns, Language, Smoking

“Clowns…. why it gotta be clowns?” Holder mutters under his breath as he slams the car door shut and jams his hands into his pockets.

You smirk up at him as you begin walking down the boardwalk. “Okay, Indiana, what do you have against clowns?”

The two of you had been working a case for a few weeks now where bodies had been turning up with their faces burned and corroded away. After a lot of dead ends, you had finally caught a break. The only thing connecting all the victims was the fact they were parents of young children. And all of these young children could be tied back to a local actor, Trevor Moses, who dressed up like a clown for parties and festivals and such. When you found out he was working down at the pier at the annual seaside festival that was happening in a few days, you decided to check it out and see if he was there. Your partner had been acting strange ever since you had identified the suspect and now it seemed that you knew why.

Holder hunches over even further. “They’re creepy as fuck and what’s the point of ‘em anyway?”

“To make people laugh? To bring joy to our otherwise joyless lives? I don’t know. I never really got the appeal either, but you seem really bothered by them. Are you good to do this?”

“Shit. When’s the last time I let you down? I gotchu, girl.” He shoots you his trademark Holder smile, but you see it doesn’t reach his eyes.

You lightly grab the sleeve of his hoodie, stopping you both. “Hey, seriously Holder, it’s just a few simple questions. I can handle this on my own. If you need to hang back that’s fine. In fact, it might even be better. That way you can make sure no one suspicious is lurking around while I’m in there.”

It is a lame excuse and you both know it, but he nods. “Yeah… yeah, that sounds like a good plan.” He pulls out his pack of cigarettes and lights one up. After taking a long drag from it, you notice he seems a little calmer than before.

You smile. “Okay, I’ll be back in a few minutes. I’ll meet you over by the Ferris Wheel.” When he nods again, you continue down the boardwalk until you reach the shop you were looking for.

The entire area was pretty much deserted seeing as the festival was still only half-constructed and all the workers had gone home for the day. But your intel said that Moses sometimes worked at the joke shop by the pier in addition to performing at the festival, so you might as well check it out.

As soon as you walk through the door, something feels off. The whole place smells faintly like bleach and yet, nothing looked like it had been cleaned in months. As you take another step farther into the store, a man comes out of the back room. He is wearing a traditional clown costume but with boots and a large coat over his polka-dotted attire. And even under all of the makeup, you recognize him as your suspect.

“Trevor Moses? I’m a detective with Seattle Homicide. I just have a few ques-”

Before you can finish, Moses charges forward, shoving you to the ground as he passes, and bolts out the door. You scramble back to your feet and take off after him. As you begin chasing him down the boardwalk, you catch Holder out of the corner of your eye, leaning against the Ferris Wheel, cigarette in his hand.

“Holder! He’s making a break for it!” you scream, never slowing for even an instant.

Your partner jumps in surprise, drops his cigarette, and takes off after you. But he is several hundred feet behind you and even with his long legs, you know it will take him time to catch up. So, you push yourself to run as fast as you possibly can, slowly closing the distance between you and Moses.

It takes until you are almost to the end of the boardwalk before you catch up to him. You reach out, fingers barely grazing his coat. But just as you think you have him, he whirls around, spraying you with the fake flower pinned to his lapel. It looks like the typical flower squirting water gag you had seen a million times with other clowns but the liquid that splashes onto your skin is not water. You manage to block most of the liquid with your left hand and arm, but it immediately begins burning as if on fire. Instinctively, you begin pawing at your skin with your right hand, but that just spreads the painful sensation there as well.

Moses takes off running again as you collapse to the ground in pain, frantically trying to rub the substance off on your shirt or jacket. But it is no use. Vaguely in the back of your mind, it clicks that this must have been how he killed the others, with a shot of acid to the face, and you are lucky you were able to block it. However, at that moment, you feel anything but lucky.

As tears begin quickly flowing down your face and you clutch your hands protectively against your chest, you feel Holder drop down next to you as he yells into his phone, “Officer down. I repeat, officer down! We need medical assistance at the pier right fuckin’ now!”

He tries to examine your injuries, but you push him off. Through gritted teeth, you growl, “Go! Don’t let him get away.” He hesitates, not wanting to leave you like this, but you scream at him, “GO!”

Holder jumps to his feet and takes off after Moses. You watch them both disappear around the corner, heading into the woods behind the pier. You roll onto your back, sobbing as the pain only seems to be intensifying. Your mind flashes to the mutilated faces of Moses’s other victims and you have to swallow the bile that you feel in your throat.

Suddenly, you hear multiple gunshots from two distinct guns coming from the woods in the direction Holder had just run. Then…. silence.

“Holder!” you scream, but there is no response. “HOLDER!”

When you still don’t hear anything, you try to push yourself up to your knees, but your hands and arms are too damaged and weak to give you enough leverage. So instead, you just collapse back to the ground, panting heavily. You squeeze your eyes shut and say a silent prayer that your partner is okay, though you know even if someone out there hears your plea it could already be too late.

But then, you hear a quick shuffling, and you glance up to see Holder limping quickly out of the woods and heading straight towards you. The left leg of his jeans is stained dark with blood, but he gives you a small smile when he sees you looking at him.

The ache in your chest eases slightly at the sight of your partner, but the pain in your hands is still just as intense. You try to stay strong as Holder collapses down next to you, but you can’t help the small moan that escapes your lips. Holder tries to reach for your hands, but you pull them away. “Don’t. I don’t want it to get on you.”

He thinks for a minute, then pulls off his hoodie and begins using it to gently rub your hands, trying to get some of the remaining acid off. When it doesn't seem to be helping much, he stands up, gathers you into his arms, and hobbles over to the dunk tank set up by the Ferris Wheel. Dipping his hoodie into the water, he begins trying to clear off your skin. While still excruciating, the water does seem to help slightly. You look around, trying to find something to distract you, and your eyes land on Holder’s bloody pants.

“How’s your leg?” you ask, jaw clenched.

“’S okay. Shot just winged it. Looks worse than it feels,” he mutters.

You hesitate a second before asking, “Is he….?”

He nods solemnly. “He pulled a gun. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Yeah, I heard.” You can see the conflict and pain etched on his face over what he had done. “Hey, you did what you had to do. He was going to shoot you… He did shoot you. And now he can’t hurt anyone else like this ever again.” You motion down at your hands before flinching when a flash of pain surges through them. “God! Why does it hurt this badly! Shouldn’t it be stopping by now?”

“I guess it takes some time to get it all off.” Holder says, but you can see the concern in his eyes as he stares down at your hands. You are trying your best not to look, but his face says it all. “Try not ta think about it.”

“That’s a lot easier said than done. I keep trying to think of something else, anything else, and it all comes back to the pain.” You let out another loud whimper as Holder rubs his wet fingers over your damaged skin.

He stares thoughtfully down at your hands for a moment before he finally says, “My moms took me to the circus when I was six. Liz was spendin’ the weekend at a friend’s, and she thought it would be a good bonding time for us or somethin’. And it was… until she forgot me. She just got bored and split, never gave me a second thought.” His eyes have a far-off, haunted look to them and you know whatever he is seeing at the moment, it isn’t you. “She just left….. and I was so fuckin’ scared. I started runnin’ around lookin’ for her and I stumbled into the tent where the clowns were gettin’ ready.”

He shudders at the memory. “They surrounded me, squeezin’ their fuckin’ red noses and tryin’ to make me shitty balloon animals. It was so loud and hectic and I just wanted my moms….”He trails off and you see tears starting to form in the corner of his eyes.

Then he shakes his head and uses his shoulder to wipe his face. “They finally called the ringmaster who then called the police. I hadda wait another few hours before they could finally track her down. She never even knew I was gone.” He sighs. “So, yeah. That’s why I fuckin’ hate clowns.”

“Holder….. I’m so sorry. No wonder you didn’t want to go in there and face him.”

“Yeah? And look where it landed you. If I had just manned up and gone with ya, this woulda never happened.” He gestures angrily to your hands.

You shake your head. “You don’t know that. He could have pulled the gun on both of us before we knew what was happening. Or he might have gone immediately for the acid when he saw there were two of us and then my arm might not have protected me. Holder, this isn’t your fault and you did nothing wrong. Like you said earlier, you never let me down. Ever. And you still had my back when I needed you. Just like you are doing right now. I mean, you were shot and all you care about is trying to help me. How could I ever ask for a better partner than that?”

Holder grins shyly at you. “Yeah…. I’m pretty great, huh?”

You chuckle just as you see the ambulance driving up. Holder picks you back up into his arms and limps over to it. And as they are loading you up to take you to the hospital, you nudge him with your foot. “You’re wrong, Holder. You’re not pretty great…. You’re the best.”

[maddu-oliveira]

⭐ Caring Hurts ⭐

Stephen Holder x Reader

On the first of each month, each member of GFS will write a Drabble of 1k words or less based on a selected prompt using a character played by Joel Kinnaman.

April 2022's Prompt is: "Why are you avoiding me?" "Because...Because I think I'm falling in love with you, okay? That's why I'm avoiding you."

warnings: bad language, guns, mentions of blood, light angst, hurt/comfort

word count: 1k

Reader's P.O.V

Before today I thought that working at SPD was quiet, not being part of homicide but part of the department's tactical force, working more on action but never something so difficult, other than arresting drug dealers or thieves.I had never shot someone before, pointing the gun to show that I had the power in the situation and managed to make the subject give up any foolishness. But now I was feeling adrenaline, anger, fear and many more feelings that I couldn't identify. As the leader of the tactical force I would have to keep the situation under control, make the right decision and be careful with any movement.

At the beginning of the day everything was going well, we were in the office organizing our plan to catch a murder suspect with the help and information that Linden and Holder had. I went out to get lunch, I took the opportunity to buy Stephen something vegetarian even though I knew this was just another one of his quirks, but as soon as I entered the department again everyone had distressed looks on their faces and they turned to me.

"What's happening, guys? Why do y'all look like that?" I asked putting the food on a table.

"We are waiting for your orders, captain!" one of the cops said.

"Y/N, the suspect has Stephen and he wants to make a deal" Linden told me and put her hand on my shoulder trying to make me calm down.

"How do you know this is true? The suspect contacted you?" I was already nervous but tried to maintain my posture.

"Yes, he contacted us with Holder's phone" Another cop informed me then we started to get our things and make a plan to take Stephen without any collateral damage.

Back to the present moment, surrounding the subject as he put the rod to his gun against Stephen's head while screaming, wanting a deal so as not to be arrested.

"Put the gun down, sir and we can talk" I say trying to sound as calm as possible.

"You don't have the power to say what I should do!" He yelled back, pressing the gun against Holder's temple.

"She has more power than you think, asshole" Stephen said but got hit by the end of the gun making him groan.

"Calm down, sir! He is a cop too, hurt him or whatever and you will never see the light again." I said calmly, still holding my gun prepared for anything.

"I want to get out of here with protection and not be arrested!"

"Just in your dreams, playboy" Holder said again and I was getting more nervous.

"Shut up! I'm the one pointing a gun to your head!" The subject screamed, hitting him again.

"Hey! Hit him again and you're not going to step out of here alive! Just put your gun down and we are going to make the deal" I said more seriously and with authority.

The suspect stepped away from Stephen, letting go of him and letting him walk towards one of the police cars that were there, but the moment he saw one of the policemen take out a handcuff to arrest him was enough for him to raise the gun again to my partner. One shot, just one shot, was enough for the next moment the guy was dead with a hole in the middle of his forehead and I was holding my gun so tight that it could crumble in my grip.

I put the gun back in its holster, running to Stephen who had been hit by the bullet in the shoulder. He seemed fine despite the situation but I couldn't be more nervous. I applied pressure to the spot to avoid bleeding, with my hands trembling and fighting the tears that formed in my eyes, then Holder held my waist with a worried look.

"Calm down, mama! I'm still in one piece for ya" His lazy voice ringing in my ears just makes me gulp holding the tears.

"You are a fucking idiot!" I turn away from him just as the paramedics approach.

Stephen calls out my name, but I just make my way back to the car and drive to the police department. I would have to deal with a lot of paperwork after today, give my statement about what happened and write it up explaining why there was the shooting that caused the suspect's death, this was the part that everyone hated about the job, but this might calm me down.

Weeks passed, my report was still half finished and I had not exchanged a word with Holder after that day. Every time he walks into the same room as me, I just make up some excuse to get out and it worked, until he started asking Linden to come and ask me what he had done wrong. I didn't have an answer, the pain I felt at the moment I shot the guy, was not for shooting someone for the first time but for almost losing Stephen.

"AYO! Stop right there, mama!" Thinking about him, I knew it would last long in my attempt to avoid him.

"Holder-" I started saying but he cut me pointing his finger to my face.

"Don't you dare give me another shitty excuse, girl" He said slowly but then forced a cough trying to disguise his anger. "Why are you avoiding me? I did nothing wrong, woman" Holder exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"Because-" I took a deep breath trying to say something but nothing came out and Stephen was staring at me anxious for an answer. "Because I fucking care about you and I may be falling for you! And it hurts to think I can lose you anytime"

"You're- You are into me, mama? So why avoid it?"

"I don't know! Don't make stupid questions, Stephen…"

"You want me to kiss you?" Holder asked with a stupid grin.

"Of course, dummy!"

GFS: @lacontroller1991 @11thstreetvigilante @heresathreebee @fairchildflag @yespolkadotkitty @skvatnavle

[allycat-writes]

New Rules (Stephen Strange x Female!Master of the Mystic Arts!Reader)

A/N: So, yes, I live and I’m still in love with Doctor Strange currently and celebrating the release of details for a sequel!!! Still sorta sorry but oh well, what are ya gonna do lol. So like? This is sort of like all of the Avengers being young and attending a school together for super-heroey stuff? Also, obviously based off the song New Rules by Dua Lipa. Y/N is obviously *Your Name*, Y/N/N is “Your Nickname*. And, as always, thank you to my platonic soulmate, the Roger Taylor to my Freddie Mercury for everything, @unknownauthor .

Warnings: Probably swearing. Adult themes (like mentions of smut stuff and pregnancy-scare mention)

You know the drill at this point. Likes are cool, reblog are literally motivation to write more!!!

(Not my GIF)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One, one, one, one, one

Talkin' in my sleep at night, makin' myself crazy (Out of my mind, out of my mind) Wrote it down and read it out, hopin' it would save me (Too many times, too many times)

My love, he makes me feel like nobody else, nobody else But my love, he doesn't love me, so I tell myself, I tell myself

“Hey, kiddo. Why the long face?” You looked up from your phone to find Carol Danvers standing in front of you, her green and black backpack slung over one shoulder carelessly. You winced.

“You realize I’m only three years younger than you, right?” You bit her lip, pausing. “I may have done something really, really dumb,” you admitted, with a sigh. Carol raised an eyebrow before sitting down next to you.

“How dumb are we talking here?” Carol asked, her voice soft. You looked around to make sure none of the others were within earshot before looking back to Carol.

“Like sleeping with my best friend dumb.” Carol let out a low whistle.

“Shit, kid. You slept with Strange?” You groaned, putting your head in your hands. Carol noticed Tony Stark glance your way, his eyebrows furrowing together in worry as he noticed your distress. Carol waved him off.

“Yeah, I did. Now what the fuck do I say to him? How do we go back?”

“Well, do you want to go back?” You sat up again.

“Of course I do! He’s my best friend. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

“If you want to just be friends, why did you sleep with him?”

“What other option do I have than to hope things go back to normal or lose my best friend?” You sighed, rolling your eyes.

“Trying to make a real relationship with him. Obviously you must be at least slightly attracted to him,” Carol pointed out, gently.

“Of course I am. Have you seen him?”

“Then why not try?”

“Have you seen me? I don’t think he’s ever even thought about an actual relationship with me. I’m surprised he even said yes. I don’t think he has the same feelings for me and what if I bring it up and I’m right? Then I really, truly lose my best friend.”

“Okay, first, you’re adorable. Why wouldn’t he like you?” You groaned. “What? You are. And there’s only one way to know for sure how he feels. And what do you mean ‘said yes’?”

“‘Adorable’. See? That’s not typically a great thing to be if you want people to take you seriously.” You tensed up slightly. “I may or may not have......possibly asked him to fuck me hard......because I was stressed out and tense and......needed the release.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N/N. Then what are you going to do? Just ignore the elephant in the room? Keep sleeping with him?”

“I don’t know. Carol, what am I gonna do?” You sighed, laying your head on the older girl’s shoulder.

“I don’t know what to tell you. But I know someone who might,” Carol replied, with a half shrug. You lifted your head to curiously look at Carol. “Hey, Strange. How’s it going?” Stephen quirked an eyebrow as he walked past Carol.

“I’m still alive, so that’s something.” Stephen glanced at you over his shoulder for a moment before calling back, “Hey, Y/N/N. Spell practicing later?”

“You’re the boss, Sorcerer Supreme.”

One: Don't pick up the phone You know he's only callin' 'cause he's drunk and alone Two: Don't let him in You'll have to kick him out again Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him

You were laying upside down on your bed, a pencil between your lips as you squinted at the notes you had taken over one of your sources when you heard a knock at your open dorm room door. You glanced towards the door to find Carol leaning against the doorframe. “How was spell practice with the wizard?”

“Master of the Mystic Arts,” you corrected her, gesturing your friend into the room. Carol closed the door behind her and sat down on the carpeted floor, raising an eyebrow. “I think......I think we’re fuck buddies.”

“You didn’t.”

“......I really did,” you sighed, sitting up. You sat there for a moment before turning to face Carol again, tucking your legs underneath yourself. You tucked the pencil behind your ear.

“You’re already way too attached to him to survive this, Y/N.”

“Of fucking course I am. He’s my best friend. I......” you paused, turning to look over at the wall, “Shit. I think...... I think I’m in love with him.”

“Y/N/N, you have to end this. You’re gonna get yourself hurt. You have to break this off. Go back to being just friends while you still can. You know Stephen. He won’t mean to hurt you but we both know it will happen.”

“How though? I don’t know how I can be close to him and just not...not love him.”

“You might need to take a break from being his friend. Can’t you practice spellwork or whatever with Wong?”

“I mean I can but......he’s my best friend? How do I just......take a break from that? How do I avoid my best friend? I don’t want to hurt him and make him think I hate him or that I’m mad at him when he hasn’t done anything. I’m the one that fucked things up between us...”

“Make some rules up for yourself to follow. Just tell him you’re going to be a little AWOL for a while. You do have a ton of papers and exams to finish up, right?” You nodded, biting your lip. You sighed, flopping onto your back to stare at the ceiling.

I got new rules, I count 'em I got new rules, I count 'em I gotta tell them to myself I got new rules, I count 'em I gotta tell them to myself

I keep pushin' forwards, but he keeps pullin' me backwards (Nowhere to turn, no way) (Nowhere to turn, no) Now I'm standin' back from it, I finally see the pattern (I never learn, I never learn)

But my love, he doesn't love me, so I tell myself, I tell myself I do, I do, I do

“Hey, Miss- Sorry, Y/N. I don’t mean to, I don’t know, spy on you, but it’s just. The table keeps vibrating and I just...... Shouldn’t you answer your phone? I think someone needs to get a hold of you.” You looked up, pausing your music and taking your other earbud out.

“I’m really sorry, Peter. I hope this isn’t distracting you from your work,” you apologized with a sigh.

“Oh, no, you’re fine!! I know that MJ keeps texting me so my phone keeps vibrating so really, you’re okay! I just. I don’t know, figured I should say that? But really, it’s not bothering me!” You smiled at the boy.

“You’re a good kid, Peter Parker. You know that?” Peter smiled, opening his mouth to say something when you heard a heavy sigh behind you.

“He’s way too young for you, Sorcerer’s Apprentice.” You turned to find Tony Stark, his arms loaded with books.

“He’s not my type, Stark. And I wouldn’t ever date a minor, even one as sweet as Peter.” You rolled your eyes.

“Oh yeah, also. I’m pretty sure there’s some tension between you and your boyfriend so I’ll just warn you. He was at the front desk looking for you when I walked in, Sabrina” You grimaced, gathering up your belongings.

“Thanks, Tony. I really do appreciate it.” You slung your backpack over your shoulder and raised your hands to form a portal back to your room, sealing it shut behind yourself.

One: Don't pick up the phone You know he's only callin' 'cause he's drunk and alone Two: Don't let him in You'll have to kick him out again Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him

“You used magic in the library?” Wong asked, his expression disappointed as you walked into the room. You groaned, putting your workout bag on the ground.

“It was an emergency,” you muttered, grabbing a ponytail holder from your bag and securing your hair out of your way.

“I don’t think hiding from a friend is an emergency. And why am I not allowed to tell Strange that you’re practicing with me?”

“I don’t want him to think that I hate him and I’m avoiding him.”

“But you are apparently avoiding him.”

“I have like four papers to write and two exams to study for. Can we, I don’t know, actually get to practicing spellwork?” Wong rolled his eyes before he gestured for you to get into stance. You relaxed, squaring your shoulders before you moved into position.

I got new rules, I count 'em I got new rules, I count 'em I gotta tell them to myself I got new rules, I count 'em I gotta tell them to myself

Practice makes perfect I'm still tryna learn it by heart (I got new rules, I count 'em) Eat, sleep, and breathe it Rehearse and repeat it, 'cause I (I got new)

“Y/N, I know you said I have done nothing wrong but it definitely seems as if you are trying your hardest to avoid me. If that’s not the case, I apologize but I just,” Stephen sighed and you could feel your heart ache at the sound, “I miss you. So whenever, I don’t know, things calm down or you start to feel like yourself, I honestly don’t know what you’re going through but... I’ll be here. If you need anything. Maybe I’m not as patient a teacher as Wong but I promise I’ll work on it just...” he sighed again and you could almost hear him shaking his head at himself, “Get back to me when you can, alright?” You set your phone down on the grass beside your book.

“What am I going to do?” you whispered, your hand resting gently on your stomach.

“I don’t mean to intrude but... I’ve been sitting here for ten minutes and you’ve listened to that voicemail about...five times, no? Maybe you should just call him back? It is quite obvious that you miss him as much as he misses you. Or at the very least, I don’t think listening to the voicemail of a call you purposely avoided will help ease your pain.” You glanced over to see Wanda Maximoff studying you quietly, Loki laying next to her, flicking his fingers in boredom to draw green shapes in the air. “Sorry, I know we’ve never actually spoken to one another but it seems like your heart might actually be aching for this man.”

“It’s......complicated. I think I love this man and some stuff happened to make me realize I do actually seriously love him but I don’t think he feels the same way and I don’t want to get hurt,” you blurted out. Wanda smiled, gently.

“It already seems you are hurting. You might as well try and talk to him and find out if he returns your feelings before isolating yourself from him and causing both of you pain. You might also find it difficult to work together if you push him too far away.” You smiled.

“Thank you, Wanda. I definitely appreciate it. Maybe sometime we could practice fighting together? And maybe have Vision be referee or something,” you teased, causing Wanda’s fair skin to redden with color, a shy smile crossing her features. You picked your phone back up, typing up a quick text. Stephen, I’m sorry. Can you meet me at the library in ten minutes? I definitely think we need to talk.

“I will absolutely take you up on that, Y/N,” Wanda promised, smirking slightly.

One: Don't pick up the phone (yeah) You know he's only callin' 'cause he's drunk and alone (alone) Two: Don't let him in (uh-ooh) You'll have to kick him out again (again) Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him

You glanced at your watch again before turning towards the window to see the sky in shades of pink and purple as the sun set. You sighed, packing your things up before grabbing your phone. You dialed Carol’s number as you exited the library.

“Danvers.”

“Hey. I...” you started, your voice trailing off as you felt tears start welling in your eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I tried texting Stephen because I need to talk to him and I asked him to meet me and...” You tried to choke back a sob. “I think I’m pregnant. And he hates me and I don’t know what to do, I can’t do this on my own.”

“Whoa, hold up. You’re what?”

“I haven’t taken a test but I’m late and my stomach has been feeling weird and I don’t know what to do, Carol. What am I going to do? I can’t hide this from him. He’ll know,” you sobbed, covering your mouth with your hand to muffle your distress.

“You need to breathe. I’ll get a test for you and meet you back at your dorm, okay? I’ll wait with you. You don’t need to be alone right now, okay?” Carol replied, trying to soothe you. “Just portal back to your place and wait for me, okay?” Carol hung up and you tried to quiet your cries as you tried to calm down. After a few minutes, you were calm enough to form a portal to step through. You sealed it shut and laid on your bed, silent tears still streaming down your face. Ten minutes later, your door opened and Carol stepped in, a bag in her hand. “Oh honey,” she sighed as you silently took the bag and disappeared into your bathroom. Carol sat on the floor with you once you were done, both waiting impatiently. You glanced at the clock and sighed.

“Can you......can you check it?” you asked, your voice wavering. Carol nodded, squeezing your hand before she stood up. Carol laughed.

“Negative. It must just be the stress. You’re fine,” she replied, sitting back down to hug you. You laughed too, relaxing in your friend’s embrace. You froze again, tensing up.

“He still hates me though. What do I do?”

“Just sleep. You can worry about talking to him next time you see him. Just get some rest, Y/N/N, okay?” You nodded, slowly getting up to crawl into bed. You didn’t move as Carol threw the test away and left the room, locking the door on her way out.

I got new rules, I count 'em I got new rules, I count 'em (Whoa-ooh, whoa-ooh, whoa) I gotta tell them to myself I got new rules, I count 'em (Baby, you know I count 'em) I gotta tell them to myself

Don't let him in, don't let him in Don't, don't, don't, don't Don't be his friend, don't be his friend Don't, don't, don't, don't Don't let him in, don't let him in Don't, don't, don't, don't Don't be his friend, don't be his friend Don't, don't, don't, don't You're gettin' over him

You woke up the next morning to urgent knocks on your door and you rolled over to check the time. 8:15. Only one person you knew would be up and at your door that early. You threw the covers off, not bothering to change out of the clothes you fell asleep in or brush your hair or hide your puffy eyes. You opened the door, examining Stephen’s unkempt appearance. “I am so sorry I didn’t meet you yesterday. I had turned my phone off to study for my exam and I didn’t think you’d be texting me anytime soon.” You sighed, stepping aside to let him in the door. Stephen relaxed, moving into the room before he turned to face you again, his eyes locking on the puffy skin under your eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He started to reach out for you before he paused, holding his arms out awkwardly before he let his arms fall back to his sides before clearing his throat uncomfortably. “You said we needed to talk? Does that mean you’re done avoiding me?” You winced slightly.

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to hurt you, I’m just......I’m afraid and way out of my comfort zone. But I do need to tell you something. And it could absolutely ruin our friendship. I don’t want to lose you, Stephen,” you started, taking a deep breath.

“I think any chance of a normal friendship went out the window when I agreed to......helping you relieve stress,” Stephen pointed out, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh, wow, thanks for that. Never would have figured that out on my own. What would I do without you?” you replied, your voice dripping with sarcasm. You sighed, looking away from Stephen.

“Just say it. You obviously have other places you would rather be so get on with it. It’s fine.” You opened your mouth to speak when he raised a hand. “You don’t even have to say it. Understood. We can go back to pretending nothing ever happened.” Your eyebrows furrowed together at the bitterness in his voice.

“Stephen, listen to me. I don’t want to go back to pretending like nothing happened. But I want......if we just go back to fucking and that’s all it is, a means to an end, then......I know I’m going to get hurt. What do you want?” Stephen blinked in surprise.

“You......you want more?” he asked, his mind racing to catch up.

“I do. But if you don’t want that, it will hurt. I’ll get hurt. I know I will—” Stephen smiled, stepping forward and pulling your face up to meet his, one trembling hand under your chin, pressing your lips together. After a minute, you both pulled away, your breathing both ragged.

“Does that answer your question, Y/N/N?” he murmured, his hand still gripping your chin lightly, your breath mingling together. You nodded, standing on your toes to kiss him again, wrapping your arms around his neck. Stephen smiled against your lips as your hand started playing with the hair at the base of his neck. After you broke apart for air, Stephen kissed your forehead, wrapping his arms around you.

“Wait, before...before anything else happens. I thought that I was...pregnant. I’m not, but I just...figured you should know.” He pulled away again to study your face before relaxing again.

“I care for you. More than you know.” You smiled, brushing a dark strand of hair off of Stephen’s forehead. “Can we please go back to practicing spellwork together? I miss my partner.” You laughed, nodding. Stephen smiled, kissing you soundly again.

---------------------------------

Permanent Tag List:

@mezzomercury

@angeleyesmalek

[a-reader-and-a-writer]

Someone Always Gets Hurt

Fandom: The Killing, Stephen Holder

Word Count: 4591

TW: Friends with Benefits (FWB), mention of domestic abuse, mentions of drugs and addiction

Thank you to @loverhymeswith for beta reading and @lacontroller1991 for the idea!

You thought it was the perfect arrangement. You thought no one would get hurt. You should have known better. Because in these situations, someone always gets hurt.

When Holder had first suggested a friends with benefits arrangement, you thought he was joking. The two of you had been partners back when he was part of the Narcotics Department. You were the one who discovered he had gotten hooked on meth and helped him as he struggled to get clean. And even once he was promoted to the Homicide Division, you still remained close friends, best friends. But you had never imagined taking your relationship to a physical level. However, as Holder pointed out, neither one of you had time for a real relationship at the moment and sometimes you just needed someone to help you take the edge off.

So, one thing led to another and soon the once-in-a-blue-moon rendezvouses turned into a once, if not twice, a week occurrence. Sometimes you would meet at his place, sometimes at yours. A few times, you even snuck into his office when he was working late. Linden had walked in once, and you hadn’t been able to face her for weeks.

But once things started up, you couldn’t get enough. You were astonished by how amazing your ex-partner could make you feel in bed. Holder had never been what you would call conventionally handsome or good with the ladies. He tried, but when you had watched his attempts to win over women in the past, you always found his flirtations a bit cringy. Yet the second you were alone, a different side of Holder came out. He was still goofy and playful, but most of his bravado fell away and you saw the vulnerable, sweet man underneath. And his entire goal in the bedroom was to make you feel good. You had never been with a man who cared so much for your pleasure even over his. It was an intoxicating experience that the two of you continued to share over and over and over again.

And for almost six months, everything seemed perfect until one night Holder slipped up. You figured he had probably been hiding the truth for a while but for some reason, that night, he couldn’t hold it in anymore. As you were drifting off to sleep after an exhausting night of debauchery, you felt Holder snuggle up closer to you. This wasn’t out of the ordinary as Holder loved to spoon afterwards, however this embrace felt different than normal. Then, he leaned over until his lips brushed against your ear, and he softly whispered, “I love you.”

Your heart dropped out of your chest as your stomach churned. Everyone had warned you this would happen, that someone would get hurt, but you had thought, this was Holder! You never imagined he could feel that way, not about you. Slowly, you sat up and he backed away, eyes widening as he realized you were still awake.

Looking at him sadly, you started, “Holder-”

“No, no! I didn’t mean it! I was just tired. I didn’t know what I was sayin’!”

“Holder, we talked about this. This was just supposed to be a bit of fun. A way to relieve some stress. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a great guy-” Holder groaned and buried his head in his hands “-but this was never supposed to go past that. And if it has-”

“Please, please don’t say that. Shit, I’m sorry. It just…just slipped out. Come on, mama, you know it ain’t like that.”

“Holder,” you sighed as scooted off the bed and began throwing on your clothes. “I know you. And you wouldn’t have said it unless you really meant it. So, I need to just go right now, and we can talk about it later.” You headed for the bedroom door.

Holder jumped out of bed and hurriedly pulled on his boxers, almost toppling over as he hopped around, struggling to get one of his feet through the leg hole. “Wait, don’t do this. You know what we got is good. Come on! Gimme another chance!” He practically stumbled into you as you searched for your bag.

“I can’t do this-”

“Yes, you can, you just have ta try-”

You spied your bag buried in the couch. You snatched it up and headed to the front door. “You don’t understand, it’s not just-”

“Come back to bed and we’ll talk-”

“I’m seeing someone else!”

The words flew from your lips before you could stop them. Holder froze, his hand still clutched around your arm where he had been trying to coax you back to the bedroom and away from the front door that you had just opened. His face flashed a million different emotions at once as he tried to comprehend what you had just said. Finally, he mustered a single, “What?”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner, but I started seeing this guy I met.”

“How long?”

“….A little over a month.” When you saw the shock in his eyes, you tried to explain further. “We’ve just been on a few dates. We’re not exclusive or anything and we haven’t even slept together yet!”

Holder’s face crumpled into a mass of pain and betrayal. “So, that’s what this is? You been comin’ here the last few weeks, sleepin’ with me and the whole time, you’re thinkin’ of him?”

“No, that’s not-”

“He gets you all hot an’ bothered and I’m just the fix?”

“No! Never, it’s not like that! It’s just…I don’t have the same feelings for you that you do for me. If I would have known, I would have ended this a lot sooner. It was just supposed to be some uncomplicated fun. I’m so sorry.”

“Get out.” The words were icy and detached. Holder had never once spoken to you like that in all the years you knew each other and it shook you to your core.

“Stephen…. please.”

“I said get the fuck out!” He roared, a fire now lit in his eyes as he shoved your bag into your arms, causing you to stumble backwards out his open front door. Before you could try to think of anything that could make the situation better, he slammed the door in your face. As you stood there uncertain of what to do, you could hear him hurling his things violently on the other side of the door, tearing apart his peaceful dojo, his sanctuary of light he had created for himself. Destroying the one place he had felt safe since getting clean. And it was all your fault.

You knew as soon as you started seeing Glenn you should have told Holder the truth. But for some reason, you had always found some excuse not to. This time will be the last I will sleep with him. Or maybe just one more time after this. But now, everything was broken, and you weren’t sure if it could ever be fixed.

A week later, you finally got up the courage to go see Holder. Nothing had changed, you were still seeing Glenn, but you wanted to clear the air. You had tried calling him every day, always leaving long, apologetic messages begging him to call you back. But he never did. You had even tried driving by the station multiple times, but his car was never there. So, this was your last resort. Even though you didn’t love Holder in a romantic way, he had been your partner for years and a close friend for even longer. You didn’t want to lose him from your life no matter how much begging and groveling it took.

You walked to the door you had approached hundreds of times before, but this time you hesitated. You still weren’t quite sure what you were going to say to him, or if he would even let you in, but you had to try. So after timidly knocking on the door, you waited for the unknown. As you heard the lock turning, you braced yourself for his anger or his pain, but you were met with neither. Instead, you were greeted by an elderly Hispanic woman about your height.

She looked at you politely yet slightly confused. “Yes? May I help you?”

“Uh…. I’m looking for Stephen Holder? He lives here?”

The woman shook her head with a smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, but he moved out a few days ago. This is my apartment now.”

It felt as if all the wind had been forcefully sucked from your lungs. Holder was gone? ….Because of me? But no, this couldn’t be happening. He had his job, his NA meetings, hell, there was no way he would leave Liz and Davie! But the proof was right in front of you. Peering slightly around the woman, you could see everything in the apartment was different. The ratty old leather couch had been replaced by a bright, floral-patterned sofa. The dusty blinds had been covered by thick curtains. And the shelves that had been filled with books and games were now covered in pictures of who you could only assume were this lady’s grandkids. Nothing of Holder remained.

Finally, you turned back to the woman and asked, “I’m really sorry to bother you. He just forgot to tell me he was moving, I guess. You wouldn’t happen to know where he went, would you?”

“I’m afraid not. He had me forward any mail to his sister. He didn’t leave an address for himself.”

You nodded, still in shock. “Okay, thank you very much and I’m sorry again for bothering you.”

You turned to leave, but the woman stopped you. “You wouldn’t happen to be his old partner?”

You whirled around, hopefully. “I am.”

“He left something for you, in case you stopped by.” The woman shuffled back into the apartment.

After what seemed like an eternity, she returned with a small box. Slowly opening the lid, you had to hold back a sob as you saw Holder’s gold chain nestled inside. You had bought it for him for your one-year anniversary of being partners. Since that day when you had secured it around his neck, he had never taken it off. Until now.

Lifting it from the box, you noticed that the clasp had been snapped off, as if he had ripped it from his neck. It had been a sturdy hook and it must have really hurt to tear it hard enough to break it. Does he really hate me that much? You nodded a thanks to the new occupant of Holder’s apartment and began walking down the hall, wiping tears from your eyes as you went.

As you exited the building, you pulled out your phone and dialed one of the only people Holder might have told where he was going. She answered on the third ring.

“You shouldn’t be calling me.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s gone. He quit homicide five days ago. Just packed up his desk and left. He said he couldn’t stay here anymore, and he was going to try to find a job somewhere else.”

“Where is he, Linden. I know you know.”

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. He did nothing but worship the ground you walked on, and you ripped his heart out.”

“I didn’t know.”

“The hell you didn’t. If you ask me, he’s better off without you.” The line went dead. And with it went all of your hopes of finding Holder.

You knew you could go try to get it out of Liz, but as desperate as you were to find him, you knew better than to cross that line. Holder’s sister and his nephew were his whole life, but they had a very tenuous relationship after he started using drugs. They had just started getting back to a good place, and you weren’t going to do anything that might affect that reconciliation.

So, all you could do was head home and pray that, someday, you might find your best friend once again.

Time passed by, and there wasn’t a day you didn’t think about Holder. For the first month or so, you thought you saw him everywhere. You chased down a fair number of tall, hoodie wearing strangers before you finally came to the realization that he was well and truly gone.

But that didn’t stop the ache you felt. You were left haunted by that last glimpse of him as he slammed the door on you. All the pain, anger, and betrayal etched into his face was all you could see when you thought of him. Every happy memory, every good time together was now tainted by the secret you had kept and the hurt it had caused him.

But the ultimate karmic justice came about three months after Holder left. You and Glenn had broken up a few weeks before after a rather nasty fight which led to an even nastier confrontation. But you didn’t care. Something had felt off for a while, but you couldn’t place your finger on what. So, one afternoon, you were taking a walk through the park, trying to clear your head. As you approached the fountain, you noticed a single monarch butterfly land gracefully on a flower. Sitting down on one of the nearby benches, you watched as it flitted from one plant to another.

You smiled as you remembered lying on Holder’s bed, flipping through his butterfly book while he lay behind you, peppering soft kisses across your bare shoulder and up your neck. He would only pause long enough to drop another fact about the insects before returning to his caresses, his moustache tickling your skin. And when he reached your lips, you rolled over on top of him, the book falling to the floor forgotten.

As you snapped out of the memory, you realized you had been absentmindedly stroking Holder’s chain which has resided on your neck since you had the clasp fixed. Suddenly, all the joy from the memory was sucked into the black hole that had opened in your chest. It became just another casualty of Holder’s disappearance.

But why did it hurt so bad? Why, after all this time did you care this much? He was your best friend, but you had lost friends before. It sucked then you moved on. But this… this was so much more. You thought about him constantly, cried yourself to sleep over missing him, everything good you had left of him had slowly just turned to pain. But you guessed that’s what happened when you lost someone who you loved.

You froze as the realization hit you like a bucket of ice water to the face. I love Holder. That’s why this hurt so much. That’s why you never felt right in your relationship with Glenn. That’s why you couldn’t move past Holder’s departure. Because you loved him! You were in love with Stephen Holder!

You burst into tears as you came to terms with this discovery. Without even realizing it, your friendship and fooling around had developed into something monumentally deeper. And you had pushed him away for loving you when you had loved him at the same time. He was gone because you had been too stupid to realize your real feelings.

For the next hour, you sat on that park bench with no one but the butterfly to watch as you wept for the man you still loved and who you had lost.

The next two years seemed to simultaneously fly by and drag on forever. You tried to move on with your life and forget about Holder but that was much easier said than done. The guilt and regret about how things had ended between the two of you ate at you every day. You tried to go on a few dates, but your mind always circled back to him and after a while, you just gave up. Once things had calmed down some, you had tried to talk to Linden again, but she was still almost as furious at you for causing him to leave as you were at yourself. Finally, you just came to accept that you were just never going to see him again.

Call it fate, call it coincidence, call it dump luck, call it divine intervention, but sometimes things happen for a reason. Your sister’s birthday was coming up and you found out that a bookstore in Tacoma had the limited edition she had been wanting for years. So, after the relatively short 40-minute drive from Seattle, you decided to explore the city some. It was a beautiful day, one of the first warm days Washington had seen since the fall, and you found yourself headed into a park by the water.

The park was busy but not exactly what you would call crowded. As you walked along the bay, looking at all the fish and birds out in the water, you glanced at a couple sitting at one of the tables up ahead and stopped dead in your tracks. The man had his back to you, but his tall frame, dirty blond hair, and gray hoodie all screamed Holder. You took a hesitant step towards him before mentally slapping yourself. You are better than this! You haven’t imagined seeing him in over a year. Not every tall guy in a sweatshirt is Stephen Holder. Pull yourself together! And so, you kept walking.

But as you got closer, more and more things about the man stood out to you. His posture, his movements, the cigarette dangling from his fingers. It was all him. You stopped directly behind the man, uncertain about what to do. But then he laughed, and you knew. It was a sound that both blessed and haunted your dreams. A sound you never thought you would hear in the waking world again.

Breathlessly, you whispered, “Holder.”

The man stiffened slightly before turning around. Oh god! It was him! He looked just the same as you remembered him, if slightly more cleaned up and less scruffy. He blinked in surprise as he saw you there and for a moment, you weren’t sure how he would react. The pain and hurt that had been branded in your brain for the past two years flickered across his face as he recognized you, and for a moment, you thought this had been a mistake. But then, his face softened and he broke into a playful grin as he threw open his arms.

“Yo! Whacha doin’ here, girl? I can’t believe it. ‘Bout time you finally tracked me down. No wonder you never made detective.” He wrapped himself around your smaller frame as he pulled you in for a hug. You stood there in shock for a second before returning the embrace with all of your strength. It’s him….It’s actually him! And he’s not mad.

Holder chuckled as he squirmed in your grasp. “Hey, hey, I missed you too! But I got ta breathe!”

You released him immediately, taking a few steps back. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect…I mean I didn’t know….Are you living here now?”

“Yep. Moved here right after I left. Needed a place still close to Liz an’ Davie but still gave me some distance, you know what I’m sayin’?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course….. I’m just so surprised to see you! I was just in town picking something up and decided to go for a walk and here you are.” You still weren’t sure how to treat him, how he saw you. Were you an old friend or a bitter enemy?

But his smile gave you hope. He glanced over at the girl he was with, and said, “Hey, can I catch you later?” The girl glared at you but nodded, grabbed her stuff, and walked away.

Holder grabbed your hand and began pulling you away from the water. “Here, I know a place that’s normally pretty empty. Give us a lil’ more privacy.”

You allowed him to lead you past the tourists and families spending the afternoon together until it was just the two of you in the heart of the park. Holder let go of your hand and turned to face you. Both of you seemed to be examining the other, looking for the people you were years ago.

Finally, Holder nodded slightly to your neck. “You got what I left for you, so I guess you went by my place.”

Your hand flew to his chain that hung around your neck. “Oh, yeah. I stopped by about a week after…it happened. The new tenant gave it to me. I took it down and got the clasp fix and……It just felt wrong keeping it in that box, so I’ve been wearing it ever since.”

“I’m glad. It looks good on you.” You felt your cheeks grow warm and you turned to apologize, but Holder cut you off. “So, ya still with Jeff or Gordon or whoever?”

“Glenn. Uh, no….that didn’t last very long.”

You subconsciously rubbed your cheek, and Holder noticed. He reached out as he brushed your hand and hair to the side, revealing the scar that was usually hidden.

You saw his jaw tighten as he asked. “Did he hit you or somethin’?”

You shrugged softly. “Only once. He had a ring on. But you know I don’t tolerate shit like that. He was out on his ass before the sting of his hand was gone.”

Holder chuckled, some of the tension visibly vanishing from his body as he ran his thumb lightly over the mark. “Bet he didn’t leave in one piece either. Woulda loved to see that.”

Biting your lip, you suppressed a small smile. “Let’s just say, all those Jiu-Jitsu classes you talked me into taking came in good use that night.”

“That’s my girl!” His grin quickly faded as he realized what he had said. His hands instantly dropped to his side and he stepped back, putting quite a bit of distance between you.

Both of you stood in an awkward silence for a moment before you finally burst out, “I’m so sorry, Holder! I was wrong about everything! Even before Glenn hit me, I was already planning on leaving him. I realized something was off in our relationship, but I didn’t know what. And then a few weeks later, I saw a butterfly on my way to work, and it made me think of that book you used to have, and our time together and it just hit me. I love you, Holder. I love you now and I loved you back then, I was just too stupid to see it. And I’m not expecting you to forgive me or even want to be friends. But I just needed you to kno-”

His mouth was suddenly smashed against yours, cutting off the rest of your words. For a moment, you were so shocked that you didn't know how to respond. But as he deepened the kiss, you let yourself fall into him just like old times. As his hands came up and cupped your cheeks, you ran yours through his hair, pulling him in closer. The kiss felt almost the same as you remembered it, but there was a fire behind it that hadn’t been there before. A neediness that only came from years of separation.

When the two of you finally broke apart, panting slightly, you gazed up at him in wonder. But he just smiled his same old dopey grin. “I love you too, mama. Never stopped.”

“Really?” you breathed. “But the woman you were with? You’re not…”

“Nah, Jasmine? I’m her NA sponsor. I’m goin’ on five years clean,” he said proudly.

You grabbed his hands tightly. “Oh my god, Holder! That’s amazing! I was afraid after… you might have...”

His face dropped slightly. “I thought about it. A lot. Came really close, had the stuff in my hand an’ everythin’. But I knew it ain’t what you would’ve wanted. You were always so proud of me an’ supportive an’ shit. Even after what happened, I couldn’t let you down like that. So, I stopped myself and I still haven’t used since that night you first found me.”

You threw your arms around his neck, forcing him to crouch slightly to compensate for your height difference. “You’re right, I am so incredibly proud of you. And I’m so sorry I put you in that position in the first place. If I had just taken my head out of my ass long enough to see what I had, none of this would have happened. These last two years…. We could have shared them together.”

Holder straightened up suddenly, causing you to have to let go of him. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, as he stared down at you. “Listen, I… I never stopped lovin’ you. But, that don’t mean I lived like a saint these last two years neither.”

You stared at him nervously. “What do you mean? You said you were still off the drugs.”

“Yeah, it ain’t that…….I got a kid. A daughter.”

“Oh.” You weren’t quite sure how to take this news. After all, you were the one who broke his heart. He had every right to go out and sleep with every girl in the state if he wanted. In fact, the two of you had never really even been a couple. He never had to have any loyalty to you, you sure hadn’t had any to him. Yet, for some reason, this revelation still stung.

“Me and her moms dated for a few months, but my heart just wasn’t in it. Then a few weeks later, she tells me she’s pregnant. So… yeah.”

“Wow… congratulations! That’s wonderful Holder.” You pulled him back in for another hug of celebration, but you also used the opportunity to hide your face as you tried to fight the flood of emotions swimming across it. “What’s her name?”

“Kalia. She just turned one a few weeks ago.” You could hear he was still nervous, but there was also a pride and excitement underneath that you had rarely ever heard from him. “She’s fuckin’ amazin’! Everythin’ she does just blows me away, you know what I’m sayin’? An’ she’s already gettin’ so big! She used to fit in one of my hands, an’ now she’s huge! We have joint custody, so I don’t see her every day, but each time I do, she seems bigger! It’s incredible!”

You looked up at Holder’s face and marveled at the joy lighting up his face. You had never seen him happier. And that was enough for you. Anything that could make Holder smile like that, you couldn’t be upset about. “I would love the chance to meet her one day…. If that would be okay?”

Just when you thought Holder’s smile couldn’t get any bigger, it did. “Fo’ real? Like fo’ real, fo’ real? You’d want to meet her?”

“Of course, but only if and when you’re comfortable with that, I don’t want to pressure you. But, I mean, she’s a part of you, Holder. And after so long without you, I want every part of you that I can get. Now and forever.”

He pulled your body tight against his as he leaned down until his forehead was pressed firmly against yours. His smile was shining just as brightly as before. “Mama, you got me, all of me. Then, now, and forever.”

[didanawisgi]

The Effects of Background Checks

Background checks for gun purchases are designed to prevent access to guns by convicted felons and other prohibited possessors—such as minors, fugitives from justice, those who live in the United States illegally, users of controlled substances, those with certain histories of mental illness, those who have been dishonorably discharged from the military, those who have renounced their U.S. citizenship, those subject to a restraining order, and those convicted of domestic violence offenses (18 U.S.C. 922).

The Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act (the Brady Act), which went into effect in 1994, imposed federal requirements for background checks on sales by licensed dealers (18 U.S.C. 922) but not for private sales or transfers of firearms (such as gifts). Several states have expanded this federal requirement to mandate that background checks be conducted for all firearm sales and transfers, including those between private parties. Such laws are referred to as universal background check laws.

MORE ABOUT THE POLICY

OUTCOMES THAT MAY BE INCREASED BY BACKGROUND CHECKS

We found no qualifying studies showing that background checks increased any of the eight outcomes we investigated.

OUTCOMES THAT MAY BE DECREASED BY BACKGROUND CHECKS

Suicide

Violent Crime

Evidence that background checks may reduce firearm suicides is moderate, and evidence that such laws may reduce total suicides is limited.

Evidence that background checks may reduce violent crime and total homicides is limited, and studies provide moderate evidence that dealer background checks reduce firearm homicides. Evidence of the effect of private-seller background checks on firearm homicides is inconclusive.

OUTCOMES WITH INCONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE FOR THE EFFECT OF BACKGROUND CHECKS

Mass Shootings

Evidence for the effect of background checks on mass shootings is inconclusive.

OUTCOMES WITH NO STUDIES THAT MET OUR INCLUSION CRITERIA

Defensive gun use

Gun industry

Hunting and recreation

Officer-involved shootings

Unintentional injuries and deaths

Review the inclusion criteria and methodology

Notes

The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (2002, p. A-3) defined crime gun as “any firearm that is illegally possessed, used in a crime, or suspected to have been used in a crime. An abandoned firearm may also be categorized as a crime gun if it is suspected it was used in a crime or illegally possessed.” Return to content⤴

California, Colorado, Delaware, Nevada, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, and Washington. See Calif. Penal Code §§28220; Colo. Rev. Stat. § 18-12-112; 11 Del.C. § 1448A; Nev. Rev. Stat. Ann. § 202.254; N.Y. Gen. Bus. Law §§ 897, 898; O.R.S. § 166.435; R.I. Gen. Laws §§ 11-47-35; Wash. Rev. Code Ann. § 9.41.113; D.C. Code Ann. §§ 7-2502.01, 7-2502.03. Return to content⤴

Calif. Penal Code §§ 27545, 27875; Colo. Rev. Stat. § 18-12-112; 24 Del.C. § 904A; Nev. Rev. Stat. Ann. § 202.254; N.Y. Gen. Bus. Law § 898; Wash. Rev. Code Ann. § 9.41.113; D.C. Code Ann. § 7-2505.02. Return to content⤴

O.R.S. §§ 166.435, 166.436. Return to content⤴

18 Pa. Cons. Stat. Ann. § 6111; Md. Code Ann., Pub. Safety § 5-124. In Pennsylvania, the checks must be processed through a licensed dealer. In Maryland, the seller may go through a dealer or contact the law enforcement agency personally. Return to content⤴

Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Massachusetts, and New Jersey. See Conn. Gen. Stat. §§ 29-33, 28, 36f, 36g; Hawaii Rev. Stat. Ann. § 134-2; 430 Ill. Comp. Stat. 65/2, 65/4; Mass. Gen. Laws Ch.140 §§ 129B, 129C; N.J. Stat. Ann. § 2C: 58-3. Return to content⤴

Iowa, Michigan, Nebraska, and North Carolina. See Ia. Code § 724.15; Mich. Comp. Laws § 28.422; Neb. Rev. Stat. Ann. § 69-2404 69-2405; N.C. Gen. Stat. § 14-402, 14-404. Return to content⤴

Hawaii Rev. Stat. Ann. § 134-2. But note that long-gun permits last for one year and can be used for multiple purchases. Return to content⤴

430 Ill. Comp. Stat. 65/7. Return to content⤴

For example, individuals purchasing a firearm in Massachusetts must obtain a firearm identification card, which lasts three years; however, there is an exception for holders of permits to carry, which last up to six years (Mass. Gen. Laws Ch. 140 §§ 122, 129C). In Illinois, there is an exception for holders of concealed-carry permits, but those last only five years (compared with the ten years for the permit to purchase), so the exception does not typically extend the permit period for gun purchases (430 Ill. Comp. Stat. 65/2). Return to content⤴

References

Buchanan, Larry, Josh Keller, Richard A. Oppel, Jr., and Daniel Victor, “How They Got Their Guns,” New York Times, June 12, 2016. As of March 22, 2017: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/10/03/us/how-mass-shooters-got-their-guns.html?_r=0

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, Crime Gun Trace Reports (2000): Memphis, Tennessee, Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of the Treasury, July 2002.

Campbell, J. C., D. Webster, J. Kozio-McLain, C. Block, D. Campbell, M. A. Curry, F. Gary, N. Glass, J. McFarlane, C. Sachs, P. Sharps, Y. Ulrich, S. A. Wilt, J. Manganello, X. Xu, J. Schollenberger, V. Frye, and K. Laughon, “Risk Factors for Femicide in Abusive Relationships: Results from a Multisite Case Control Study,” American Journal of Public Health, Vol. 93, No. 7, 2003, pp. 1089–1097.

Cook, Philip J., J. Ludwig, and A. A. Braga, “Criminal Records of Homicide Offenders,” JAMA, Vol. 294, No. 5, 2005, pp. 598–601.

Cook, Philip J., Stephanie Molliconi, and Thomas B. Cole, “Regulating Gun Markets,” Journal of Criminal Law and Criminology, Vol. 86, No. 1, 1995, pp. 59–92.

Cook, Philip J., Susan T. Parker, and Harold A. Pollack, “Sources of Guns to Dangerous People: What We Learn by Asking Them,” Preventive Medicine, Vol. 79, 2015, pp. 28–36.

Cooper, Alexia, and Erica L. Smith, Homicide Trends in the United States 1980–2008, Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Justice, November 2011.

Everytown for Gun Safety Support Fund, “Mass Shootings in the United States: 2009–2016,” April 11, 2017b. As of May 3, 2017: http://everytownresearch.org/reports/mass-shootings-analysis/

FBI—See Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Federal Bureau of Investigation, “Active Records in the NICS Index,” April 30, 2017. As of May 8, 2017: https://www.fbi.gov/file-repository/active_records_in_the_nics-index.pdf/view

Giffords Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence, “Universal Background Checks,” web page, undated-g. As of October 18, 2017: http://lawcenter.giffords.org/gun-laws/policy-areas/background-checks/universal-background-checks/

Hahn, Robert A., Oleg Bilukha, Alex Crosby, Mindy T. Fullilove, Akiva Liberman, Eve Moscicki, Susan Snyder, Farris Tuma, and Peter A. Briss, “Firearms Laws and the Reduction of Violence: A Systematic Review,” American Journal of Preventive Medicine, Vol. 28, No. 2, 2005, pp. 40–71.

Joshi, M., and S. B. Sorenson, “Intimate Partner Violence at the Scene: Incident Characteristics and Implications for Public Health Surveillance,” Evaluation Review, Vol. 34, No. 2, 2010, pp. 116–136.

Juodis, Marcus, Andrew Starzomski, Stephen Porter, and Michael Woodworth, “A Comparison of Domestic and Non-Domestic Homicides: Further Evidence for Distinct Dynamics and Heterogeneity of Domestic Homicide Perpetrators,” Journal of Family Violence, Vol. 29, No. 3, 2014, pp. 299–313.

Kleck, G., and D. J. Bordua, “The Factual Foundation for Certain Key Assumptions of Gun Control,” Law and Policy, Vol. 5, No. 3, 1983, pp. 271–298.

Kopel, D. B., “Background Checks for Firearms Sales and Loans: Law, History, and Policy,” Harvard Journal on Legislation, Vol. 53, 2016, pp. 303–367.

McFarlane, J., J. C. Campbell, S. Wilt, C. Sachs, Y. Ulrich, and X. Xu, “Stalking and Intimate Partner Femicide,” Homicide Studies, Vol. 3, 1999, pp. 300–316.

Miller, M., L. Hepburn, and D. Azrael, “Firearm Acquisition Without Background Checks: Results of a National Survey,” Annals of Internal Medicine, Vol. 166, 2017, pp. 233–239.

National Research Council, Firearms and Violence: A Critical Review, Washington, D.C.: National Academies Press, 2004.

NRC—See National Research Council.

Swanson, Jeffrey W., Michele M. Easter, Allison G. Robertson, Marvin S. Swartz, Kelly Alanis-Hirsch, Daniel Moseley, Charles Dion, and John Petrila, “Gun Violence, Mental Illness, and Laws That Prohibit Gun Possession: Evidence from Two Florida Counties,” Health Affairs, Vol. 35, No. 6, 2016, pp. 1067–1075.

Swanson, J. W., A. G. Robertson, L. K. Frisman, M. A. Norko, H. Lin, M. S. Swartz, and P. J. Cook, “Preventing Gun Violence Involving People with Serious Mental Illness,” in D. W. Webster and J. S. Vernick, eds., Reducing Gun Violence in America: Informing Policy with Evidence and Analysis, Baltimore, Md.: Johns Hopkins University Press, 2013, pp. 33–51.

United States Code, Title 18, Section 922, Unlawful Acts.

Vittes, K. A., J. S. Vernick, and D. W. Webster, “Legal Status and Source of Offenders’ Firearms for States with the Least Stringent Criteria for Gun Ownership,” Injury Prevention, Vol. 19, No. 1, June 23, 2012, pp. 26–31.

Webster, Daniel W., Jon S. Vernick, and Maria T. Bulzacchelli, “Effects of State-Level Firearm Seller Accountability Policies on Firearm Trafficking,” Journal of Urban Health: Bulletin of the New York Academy of Medicine, Vol. 86, No. 4, 2009, pp. 525–537.

Wright, M. A., and G. J. Wintemute, “Felonious of Violent Criminal Activity that Prohibits Gun Ownership Among Prior Purchasers of Handguns: Incidence and Risk Factors,” Journal of Trauma and Acute Care Surgery, Vol. 69, No. 4, 2010, pp. 948–955.

View the full project bibliography

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Why Would You Even Care? (Stephen Holder Drabble)

Fandom: The Killing, Stephen Holder, f!reader

Summary: When Holder considers handing in his badge, you have to confess how you feel to try and get him to stay.

Word Count: 284

“It’s what’s best. I ain’t cut out for this shit anyway.” Holder grumbles as he throws his stuff into a box. He had just come back from his meeting with the Lieutenant and apparently things hadn’t gone well.

“Yes, you are, Holder! You’ve come so far since you were assigned to homicide! Don’t throw it all away now just because you got into a little trouble. A few days suspension isn’t that big of a deal!”

He threw more stuff into his box but glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. "Why would you even care? If I left, that means you get a real partner. Not a screw up like me who’s just holdin’ you back."

“Holder, I care because you’re my friend. And, honestly, I can’t imagine having anyone else as a partner. You make all these terrible things we see every day more bearable. Without you….I couldn’t be the detective I am.”

He stops and turns to face you. “You really mean that?” You nod and a brilliant smile lights up his face. “Damn, girl! I had a feelin’ you cared but not that much.” He drops his box to the ground and plops down into his chair.

You look around confused. “Wait…what’s going on? I thought you were suspended.”

Holder chuckles. “Nah, Lou just told me to get this shit off my desk. Said it looked unprofessional. But when I saw how worked up you were, I figured it’d be fun to mess with you. I just knew you liked me!”

“Well, not anymore!” You storm out of your shared office, but the second you are out of Holder’s sight, a small smile crept onto your face.