#steve really never even had any trauma from all the shits he went through like wtf

[harringroveera]

And they’re boyfriends

[livwritesstuff]

I've had a consistent thought in my head of the girls learning more about the upside down.

Like they know a bit: uncle Dustin still lives in Hawkins doing research on something, they've seen their dads and they know about the scars and their disabilities. They know something happened to their entire family and they know there was an earthquake that wasn't really an earthquake. But they've never learned more than that and they'll never know the details as long as Steve and Eddie have a say.

But at some point, each of them realizes that the monster hunter jokes that their dads make aren't really jokes.

In general, I think Steve and Eddie’s sentiment surrounding how they address the not-so-pleasant aspects of their past with their daughters is that they won’t lie (because that’ll only come back to bite them in the ass later), but they’re also only going to tell them as much of the truth as they literally need to.

Not that Moe knows any of this.

All Moe really knows is that her dads went through some scary-ass shit when they were her age and they don’t really talk about it.

Still, Moe has eyes. Maybe she didn’t realize it when she was little, but even just the sheer amount of scar tissue her dads have isn’t exactly normal. When she asks where they got them, though, all they ever say is that a monster tried to eat them.

Moe also knows that the reason Pop doesn’t usually join them on shopping trips at the mall is because they can trigger bad migraines, and she knows the reason he gets migraines in the first place is that he’d taken too many hits to the head in too short a time, but when she asks how he’d gotten a concussion and then a TBI and then two more concussions in the span of four years he always just says something like picked a fight with the wrong Russian spy, or something like that.

And it’s public knowledge that Dad was accused of murder when he was in high school and nearly died before the charges got dropped, but when she asks about what happened, he gives her some spiel about curses and demons and portals to alternate dimensions and monsters (again, with the monsters).

They’re kidding, Moe knows. They’re giving obviously fake answers because…well, for a lot of reasons, she can imagine– not wanting to relive whatever actually happened, not wanting to put their own trauma onto Moe and her sisters.

Honestly, Moe doesn’t really even bother asking about it anymore because they clearly don’t want to talk about it, and if it really was that bad, she can’t even blame them. Besides, she’s pretty sure that dads are supposed to be total mysteries to their kids, so…whatever.

The story of what happened in Hawkins, Indiana starts to gain some public attention again while Moe is in high school – one of those true crime conspiracy theory-type stories people make Reddit threads and YouTube videos about, and apparently (because Moe has no interest, but Robbie likes that kind of stuff) Dad almost always comes up in them, Pop sometimes.

Around that time is when Moe’s dads start to get all kinds of media requests – not that Pop had any idea. He’s basically chronically offline, so no one is really able to track him down other than finding his work email on Psychology Today, but he’s got filters set up to send that shit to spam so he doesn’t even have to see it. Dad, on the other hand, is (supposedly) well-known for his books or whatever, so he doesn’t have the same kind of anonymity. He got all sorts of calls and emails from people wanting his first-hand account, but he always refused to participate, told them to lose his number and never contact him or his family ever again.

That’s the kind of thing that really rattled Pop – Moe didn’t like that. He’s kind of an immovable object in that way, so seeing him rattled just seemed wrong.

They’d even needed to threaten legal action against one online tabloid who just wouldn’t leave them alone – not that Moe is supposed to know about that, but she’d eavesdropped on a phone call between her dads and Uncle Dustin, who seems to exist as a central point in it all even if Moe doesn’t know why (maybe it has something to do with how her dads always complaining about how he still works for that lab, whatever that means).

“Are you ever gonna tell us what really happened?” Moe asks one day, when it’s just her and Pop in the car on their way home from a basketball tournament in Connecticut.

He sighed, not taking his eyes off the road.

“Hon, can I ask you to stop and consider that maybe we have been?”

And for her dad’s sake, she does, she makes herself run through the mental log of all the lore or whatever she’s unlocked over the years.

Monsters, Russian spies, superpowers, demon-animals, curses, portals to alternate realities, government corruption, evil scientists.

Bullshit, she’d always thought, but…her dad had never bullshitted her before. Why would he choose to start with this?

Moe looked back at him, some kind of question on the tip of her tongue even though she had no idea what to ask, and this time, Pop spared a glance back.

“I’m not telling you everything,” he warned her as he looked back at the highway stretching out endlessly ahead of them, and Moe tried to keep any signs of disappointment off her face, “But I’ll tell you some.”

[writeroutoftime]

believe you

pairing: steve harrington x gn!reader

summary: it's been years since everything with the upside down and steve has moved on and found you. but he still has these little habits that make you worry, so you ask him to tell you what he's been through

warnings: none (just steve starting to work through some unresolved trauma)

words: 0.8k

a/n: this is just something that came to be a little while back because I feel like steve would definitely try to brush off everything he went through and say he's 'fine.' but I just love him so much and want him to get the support he deserves, so please enjoy!

oOoOo

It may have been years since Steve had stepped foot in the Upside Down, but he knew he would never be able to shake the trauma that came with all he experienced. It wasn’t something Steve would wish on his worst enemies. There was no way to shake the shrieks of the demodogs, the damp smell of the rotted earth, and all the horrors that had flashed before his eyes.

Sure, he had a whole group of people who were right there with him when it all went down, but none of them had ever really stopped and asked how Steve was coping. Besides, others – like El, Will, or Max – had it much worse than he did. He was formerly ‘King Steve’ and then the babysitter of the group. He was supposed to have his shit together. And so, he pushed it all down and tried to move on with his life the best that he could.

Weeks, months, and years passed since there had been any inklings of troubles related to the upside down. In fact, he had moved on with his life, started to rebuild. Found a job he enjoyed, a place to live, and you – a person to love and cherish with all his being. But despite all the time that went by, there were some habits that were too hard for Steve to shake. Things you had noticed, but never pushed him to talk about or explain.

He still kept a baseball bat – minus the nails – in his car and next to his bed. Every time the lights flickered, Steve would tense up and reach out to grab hold of you as though you would disappear. A few times a month, he would wake up sweaty and panicked from nightmares. And sometimes when you were out and an old grandfather clock would chime, Steve’s eyes widened and clouded over with terror.

His behaviors didn’t make you love him any less, but they did make you want to wrap Steve up in a hug and never let him go. Obviously, there was something from his past that affected him so much he felt he couldn’t share with you. Which is how you eventually found yourself, legs crossed, sitting across from Steve on the couch, coaxing him to share parts of him with.

You sat silently and listened for nearly an hour as Steve explained the supernatural horrors he had faced in his late teens. Everything from Barb going missing, to the demodogs, and even to Vecna and the destruction that followed in his path. There were a few times where Steve had to take a break and wait for his voice to gain strength again, but you only offered nods, soft smiles, and hand squeezes while he talked through it all.

When Steve finally finished, he looked up, worried how you would react. “I know it all sounds crazy, but I wanted to let you know. Because like you said, it’s a part of me, and I care about you. I want you to know every part of me.” he confessed, hands tugging at his hair in an attempt to distract from his fear of rejection.

Silence permeated the air between you two as you processed everything Steve had just shared with you. There was no doubt in your mind that it was all 100% true. Steve would not have put that much detail or emotion into a prank. You could tell it took all of his courage to finally admit what caused his nightmares, both in the sleeping and waking world.

“Steve, I believe you.” you finally whispered, unsure how to follow. “I, I just can’t believe you had to go through all of that, and then carry it around with you all these years.” you admitted.

He shrugged his shoulders, as if brushing off your concerns. “I mean it’s not that big of a deal. Those kids went through much worse than I ever did.”

“Just because someone else “had it worse than you” doesn’t mean your feelings and experiences are invalid.” you pressed, heart aching at the way Steve seemed so nonchalant about the trauma he had been through. “I’m so sorry, but I’m really glad you told me.” you said, moving to engulf Steve in a tight hug.

He melted into your touch and buried his face in the crook of your neck. “I know it doesn’t erase what you went through, but I’m always going to be here for you, Steve.” you vowed. “Whatever you need, whatever is going to make you feel comfortable, we’ll figure it out together.”

“Thank you.” he whispered, allowing the tears to freely flow down his face. Maybe it was time to start processing everything that had happened. And no matter how daunting that seemed, he knew he could do with your love and support.

[slowandsteddie]

Y’all voted on this.

“Hey there, big guy.” / “You aren’t Eddie.”

I was really really excited to write this, honestly.

It is VERY important that you read the CW on this one.

I might be working through some things I personally went through on this one, so it’s… darker than I’d normally go.

CW: Steve is drugged, very heavily implied sexual assault (maybe skip the pink font?), ptsd, mention of bad parents, drinking as a coping mechanism, underage drinking, bartender looks like Billy (isn’t btw), very brief mention of Billy’s death, mentions of drugs, mentions of weed

Lots of hurt and little comfort.

Parts of this feel kinda rushed to me, and there’s one part where that is on purpose. But, uh. Not a fan of the ending of this bc it’s late and I’m sleepy. But also I don’t wanna edit this or dwell on it or it won’t get posted at all. So. This is where we are.

Potential for a part two.

2536 words.

—

After the night that Nancy called their relationship bullshit, Steve had sworn off alcohol and any drug stronger than the weed he used to help himself sleep when he was home alone. And he had been able to stick to it, too.

Until Starcourt.

When he had nearly been killed by Russians, confessed his love to a lesbian (while he, himself was mostly gay), and saw Billy Hargrove murdered by some thing from the Upside Down.

Yeah, life was pretty fucked up. And if he found solace at the bottom of a bottle, that was his problem.

No one but Robin needed to know. That girl was his Platonic soulmate and she got to know practically everything. Hell, he had lost track of how many times they had slept in the same bed, just so they could know the other was still breathing. They clung so tight to each other that it was like they were trying to nestle into rib cages and grasp onto bones so that they couldn’t be ripped apart again.

It helped with the nightmares and the panic to have someone so close to him who understood. Someone who knew what he went through without him having to explain it. Someone who knew that the fire cover up was complete shit. Someone who wasn’t a kid that he had to protect and hide his pain from.

Don’t get him wrong, he loved those kids. He would die for them. He’d kill for them. He’d wreck the beautiful car of his dreams for them. He’d even pretend to be okay for them, no matter what. But he could never confide in them. Not about what he went through. Not the way he could with Robin.

The thing about trauma bonding with someone is that there doesn’t have to be secrets. They already knew the worst thing that you have been through, so everything else would be a cakewalk by comparison.

During the day, it was easy to be goofy and laugh and hide the fact that he had been through absolute hell. But at night, everything came back to him. Him screaming that he just worked for Scoops and not being believed. Him offering free ice cream for life, just to get out of there.

Offering his body when that didn’t work because he didn’t have anything else and he knew his parents wouldn’t pay a ransom, even if the Russians had decided to try that route. And if they took him up on that offer, no one had to know. He didn’t even have to know. He could just pretend that the drugs took those memories too and not think about it.

The night time was what had him drinking again. The sun would start setting and he’d find himself reaching for that bottle, as though he needed it as desperately as he needed air and open spaces.

Even when Robin was over, he couldn’t close the door before taking a shower. Though, that didn’t matter much, when she’d go sit on the toilet and talk to him, with nothing but a curtain between them as the water poured over him and he sobbed as silently as he could while he cleaned himself and she chatted away about some random thing that he couldn’t follow, no matter how hard he tried. On particularly bad nights, Robin would find him in the shower, and wearing his t-shirt and shorts, she would help him wash his hair, his body, while he could only lean against the wall, feeling as though he would shake himself apart.

But, he needed to get better. He couldn’t be a mess forever. He couldn’t rely on his best friend always being available to help him through the rough patches. Most people would see the therapist recommended to them after going through things like The Upside Down and days of torture at the hands of Russians in a base under the mall that they used to work in.

Not Steve.

Oh, no.

That made too much sense.

Instead of therapy, he decided that going to a gay club in Indy would be a great idea. It had been long enough that his injuries had turned to scars. Sure, his ears rang a lot and sometimes his vision went a little fuzzy if he turned his head too fast, but he was fine. Really.

He had called and told Robin where he’d be. He didn’t need her panicking because she went to his house and he wasn’t there. He also called Henderson, just to make sure one of the kids knew he wasn’t home. They all talked constantly so the message would get around.

Just because he was stupid, didn’t mean he was irresponsible.

Steve was dressed in his favorite jeans, the ones that made his ass look nice, and a yellow polo. He didn’t really have many options in terms of shirts because it was almost time to do laundry again. He hated the washer though, as he still had times when his ribs panged when he tried to lean over too far. With that stupid washer, he always had to lean too far. There was no other way to make sure he got everything out of it.

He took the time to style his hair properly, even when the effort made his arms shake and the muscles in his hands and wrists spasm. Being tortured had some lasting effects and it was annoying. He was so tired of it. Tired of being forced to remember what he went through, even while doing the most mundane things.

He flipped the collar on his shirt up to try and make sure that the scars on his neck weren’t too obvious at first glance. That was as good as it was going to get as he refused to wear makeup to cover it up.

Then, he walked out to his car after locking the front door. Here goes nothing. He slid into the car that he hadn’t actually driven in a few weeks and started her up. She purred as though it was only yesterday that she was last turned on.

Steve mouthed the directions to himself before buckling up, turning on the radio, and beginning the drive.

Time passed, though he wasn’t sure how much of it. But he did get to the club without incident. He parked his car and locked the door before putting the keys in his pocket.

His favorite thing about this place was that they didn’t ID, something that he remembered from when he had came here before Starcourt. He had just wanted to dance with fellow queers. The first few times that he was here, he had been given water when he went to the bar.

He was glad to find that this time the bartender asked him what he’d be drinking. He was glad that the blond with curly hair and a charming smile didn’t even bat an eye over his request for a shot of whiskey, and just poured the drink.

“First one’s on the house.” God, even his voice was charming.

“Thank you,” Steve replied gratefully.

He threw the drink back and didn’t even make a face over it. The familiar, warm burn of the alcohol was a welcome one.

“How much for the second?” He asked, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

“For you? A dollar a shot.”

Steve placed a 10 dollar bill down. “One shot and one mixed drink that would leave you with what you consider an acceptable tip.”

“Yessir,” the bartender replied with a smile.

It wasn’t fair that the older male had ocean eyes he could get lost in.

Steve took the shot like nothing again, running a hand through his hair. He thanked the bartender, again, before taking his mixed drink and moving to the dance floor.

He was having fun. There were a lot of people and loud music and he had some liquid courage that was also helping to keep his chronic pain under control. After a few songs, he finished his drink before going to take his glass to the bar.

He was dizzy, but he just assumed that was from turning his head too fast a few minutes ago when someone started dancing behind him. He told himself that it had just been because he wanted to know if the guy pressing against his back was cute or not. (He was.)

Steve’s thoughts were incoherent, but he had moments when his brain didn’t seem to work right, especially when he was under the influence. It was his new normal ever since his brain had been starved of oxygen. But he couldn’t think about that again. Not now.

He asked the bartender for water, noticing the name tag this time. Billy. Oh, the painful irony.

He drank it down pretty fast, fully intending to thank him for it after. But then there was an arm around his shoulder and he was moving on to help someone on the other side of the bar.

“Hey there, big guy,” the other male said while squeezing his shoulder.

“You aren’t Eddie,” he said stupidly. It was in that moment that Steve realized who he had a crush on, but that wasn’t important right now.

“I can be whoever you want me to be, handsome.”

Steve pulled away. “I’m sorry, but no. You really can’t.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. That was a bad joke. Eddie sent me to take you home.”

“He wouldn’t have sent anyone to get me.” He said defiantly. “He’d come himself,” he added to cover up whatever he had said.

The world was spinning worse and he turned to walk to the bathroom. He was being followed and he knew it, but what other choice did he have?

By the time Steve got to the bathroom, he was mostly out of it. But, he got flashes.

—

The door being locked behind them.

His pants being unbuttoned.

Trying to struggle but it was just so hard to lift his arms.

Being shoved against the counter.

Heavy breathing in his ear.

Pain.

Sliding down.

Curling into a ball.

Clutching his own shirt.

Eddie.

Eddie.

Eddie.

—

When Steve woke up again, the first thing he noticed was that he was in the trailer. The second thing he noticed was that he felt like shit. Everything hurt more than it should for just a hangover, and he didn’t even want to think about why his hips and thighs felt the way they did.

He tried to sit up, groaning over the effort before letting himself lay back down on the couch. The toilet flushed, the water ran, and then there were footsteps coming back toward him. He didn’t know why he flinched and tried to hide in the blanket he had over him, but he did.

“Hey there, big boy,” Eddie said softly.

Steve whimpered. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t like being called that anymore. It was something that the older male had called him ever since they started getting friendly. Ever since he had started buying weed from him.

“Wanna talk about it, Steve?” He added.

He shook his head.

“Why’d the bartender call me when he found you instead of Robin? Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that you thought I was safe.”

“I don’t know. Was kinda falling apart. I guess I wanted drugs more than…”

“More than your girlfriend?”

Steve snorted. “She’s my Platonic soulmate. Capital P. Not my girlfriend.”

Eddie tilted his head. “Want me to call the soulmate?”

Steve shook his head quickly before groaning and holding his temples. “My car?” He croaked.

“I took Jeff with me to pick you up. He drove ‘er back. Your car is in my driveway, safe and sound.”

Steve made a sound and let his eyes close.

“Steve. I’m not going to make any choices for you. But you were assaulted. The only reason that bartender didn’t call the police was that he didn’t want to out you.”

His eyes fluttered. “That… that explains it.” His body chose that moment to let him pass out again.

When he was conscious again, he was still on Eddie’s couch. He could hear the other male talking on the phone. He did his best to pretend that he was still asleep. But he was crying and the sniffling gave him away.

“Hey man, do you want Robin to come here?”

“No,” he said too quickly. “I just… I need a bit to comprehend. Tell her an hour, yeah? Then I’ll go with her and get out of your hair.”

Eddie relayed the message and hung up.

“He drugged me. But I still knew what was up. He flirted with me, but I wasn’t interested. I said he wasn’t you as though I had some kind of right to want it to be you who was flirting, man. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Of course it was only the apology that Eddie picked up on.

“Because I have no right to have a crush on you after how I treated you. Because I have no right to tell you that I have a crush on you after what happened to me.”

“If that’s how you feel, then I have no right to tell you that the feeling is mutual and that I have every intention of finding the guy who did this to you and making him pay. I have no right to feel so possessive and protective. I have no right to tell you that I always run away, but right now I just want to fight for you.”

“Mm. You’re right. We have no right to be having this conversation when it’s too much for me.”

Eddie was about to get up.

“Hold me?” Steve asked so quietly.

And his request was honored so gently. He might have been whimpering and flinching, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing the older male’s shirt and clinging to it.

When Robin barged into the trailer, exactly sixty-one minutes later, Steve flinched and his hands gripped on to Eddie’s knees tightly.

Eddie was sitting sideways on the couch, his legs spread so that Steve could be seated between them. His back was against the older male’s chest and his hands had been playing with the loose threads over Eddie’s knees before he was startled. Eddie had been trying to braid Steve’s too short hair as they listened to some music that neither male was paying enough attention to in order to place.

As soon as he saw his best friend, he was struggling to his feet before stumbling over to her with all the grace of a newborn giraffe.

“R-Robbie.”

“Stevie.”

“I shouldn’t have gone.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself.”

They were clinging to each other, both of them shaking.

“Promised to never leave you again.”

“It’s okay. We’ll get through this. Also, Eddie is driving us home because I refuse to let go of you.”

“I am?”

“You are.”

“And then you’re staying, too.” Steve added.

“I am.” There was a smile to Eddie’s voice at that.

Despite everything, Steve liked him and felt safe with him. Hopefully Eddie would never do anything to break that.

[a-strange-inkling]

Does Eddie ever go to counseling with Chrissy to talk about his own trauma? He went through literal hell and has ptsd too.

Eventually, yeah he does. He’s hesitant at first, sees it kind of as a weakness, not for Chrissy, but for himself. He ends up going when Chrissy’s counselor wants to meet him. I have this little unedited snippet of him and Steve talking about it:

“So um Chrissy,” Steve clears his throat.

“Yeah, I know her.” Eddie smiles as he takes a sip of his beer, leaning on the railing of the terrace next to him.

Steve gives him his signature don’t be a smartass look. “Does she… is she still going to counseling?”

“Yeah, not as much as before, but like once or twice a month.” Eddie replies, sobering up, a little thrown off.

“That’s good,” he bobs his head up and down. Eddie waits for the next pending question. “How does she… does she like it?”

“Well, I mean… she likes it as much as one can like putting all their trauma and issues on a white board to be scrutinized… She really misses Clara back in Chicago, they were close and got through a lot together, but she’s slowly getting on with her new one here.”

“But, it must help, right?” Steve presses on. “Like she wouldn’t go if it didn’t… Even though she can’t tell her… you know, everything.”

“…Yeah, it helps.” Eddie eyes him, frowning a little in concern. “It still helps…Why you thinking about seeing someone?”

Steve shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. “I don’t know, maybe…”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah no, everything’s fine,” Steve assures quickly. “It’s just… You know I love Gwen, I never thought I’d love anyone as much as I love her again… but there’s this barrier whenever things flair up with me. I always thought that shared trauma thing was kind of bullshit, but it makes sense you know… you’ve got Chrissy… Jonathan and Nancy have each other… And I had Robin, sure, but after she moved to Chicago… I don’t always have someone I can talk to about it.”

“We’re all here Steve… it’s just a phone call.”

“Yeah, I know… but you know what I mean,” he tells him with a heavy roll of his eyes. “If you wake up in the middle of the night screaming or some shit, Chrissy’s right there and she knows why… Gwen doesn’t and I know I scare her when it happens and she… she doesn’t scare easy, man.”

“Have you thought about telling her?”

“No.” Steve answers firmly. “No, I don’t want her or the boys to ever… I won’t put them through that.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Eddie can’t imagine getting through any of his shit without Chrissy. He feels a little guilty for the sudden wave of gratitude that washes over him. “I’ve gone with Chrissy once in a while… to counseling.”

Steve’s eyes widen. “Really?”

Eddie nods, trying not to be too aloof and defensive about it. There’s nothing wrong with it. He knows that, but it still always makes him feel pathetic to admit it. “Yeah, Clara was a little concerned for our marriage early on.”

Steve seems stunned by that. “You two? You and Chrissy were having marriage trouble?”

“More of the opposite of that, I guess,” Eddie replies with a shrug, looking out into the city. “She was worried about how close we were, how we had such a hard time being away from another… threw words like separation anxiety and codependency around.”

“But, that’s understandable.” Steve points out.

“Yeah… if she knew what we really went through, sure… but the whole kidnapping, accused murder thing was enough for her to get a grasp on it… turns out we’re both fucked up enough even without Creel that therapy still is beneficial.”

[nancywheelersgirlfriend]

Oh you wrote Cruel Summer one of my fave Steddie fics!

Since your asking for requests how about Steddie with Steve being super physically affectionate with his new boyfriend Eddie. Eddie is surprised and delighted since usually he's the one who's reaching out and patting shoulders or giving half hugs etc. And also happy that Steve doesn't seem to want to hide that they're so close/together. That Steve seems proud to be with Eddie 'the freak' Munson.

thank for you for the cruel summer love!

i love this concept!! i took some creative liberties with period-typical homophobia just bc i didn't feel like writing a bucketload of angst.

requests for fics/hcs are still very much appreciated! inbox is open :)

crimson (2,141 words)

In the back of his head, Eddie acknowledged Steve had a tendency for PDA - at the very least, Steve had never seemed too desperate to hide his relationship status in the hallways. A hazy memory comes to mind of Steve and Nancy being totally disgusting in the hallway between lunch and fifth period during Eddie’s junior year. It was just another trait that came with commanding the hallways in the way Steve did, surely one he’d lost since his fall from glory. Not that Eddie had really considered it all too much, but.

But then Eddie’s life went to shit, and apparently so had Steve’s - a mix of trauma-bonding and a similar taste in crappy horror movies gave Eddie a relationship he’d never in a million years thought he’d ever have. That Steve Harrington was not only not a douche (which Eddie hadn’t believed even if Dustin swore up-and-down) but he also liked Eddie, in a less-than-friendly way, in a way that made his stomach twist up with warmth. 

They fell together easily, so easily it had Eddie wondering how he’d managed to get through the rest of his life just waiting for the moment Steve pulled him close on his porch and kissed him that night in June. But liking Steve was one thing. Dating Steve was a whole separate ballgame.

Steve was an incredibly affectionate person. He’d wrap an arm around Robin’s shoulders in greeting. He’d ruffle up Dustin’s hair to the point of knocking off his ever-present hat. He’d kiss Nancy’s cheek and clap Jonathan on the back. He made it a regular point to carry around the younger girls on his shoulders, especially El since she was still so small. However, would that affection translate to Eddie? Because Eddie wasn’t like Steve’s other romantic encounters. For start, he was a guy, so that pretty much eliminated all comparison. He was also a town pariah, a reputation only amplified by Hawkins’ general population all being under the impression Eddie had murked a bunch of teenagers that past spring break. And even though Steve was far, far off from the King he’d once been, Eddie wouldn’t have blamed him if he’d wanted to pretend Eddie didn’t exist in public.

But Steve wasn’t like that, because Eddie was quickly learning that Steve was practically perfect. 

Eddie knew that this - this party, the atmosphere of warm bodies packed together in some nameless person’s living room - was Steve’s element. He’d known it, in fact, prior to Steve ever having known him. Being a wallflower freak came with the innate ability to peoplewatch. And so Eddie had watched Steve. Even if he never got directly invited to any of the parties King Steve showed up to, he could assume how Steve had acted - his hair bouncing up and down as he danced like a foolish maniac, grin hanging open and beer sloshing onto the front of his polo.

Now they were at a party together, a sentence so otherworldly and wonderful and scary Eddie found it hard to fit his mouth around the words. His hypothesis was correct by the way. The moment they arrived at Gina’s house, this girl Eddie had never seen and was almost sure didn’t exist but apparently knew Steve well enough to invite him over, Steve had gotten pulled into a group of people and out of Eddie’s grip. It was a loose grip, anyway, because Eddie was terrified.

If an opposite existed to the way Eddie usually spent his Friday nights, this was it. Surely Gina would be pissed that these kids, these idiot high schoolers were pulling on her stair banister and knocking down family portraits and spilling obvious beer stains on her patterned carpet. Why Steve had invited him in the first place was a complete mystery to Eddie. 

Leaving his universe of cold basements and band practice to attend this party, taking a step up into a level of popularity and people he’d never wanted to know - it felt like a way bigger jump than the Upside-Down. But Steve was Steve. And Steve was his, in a weird way.

But just because Steve was Eddie’s and Eddie was Steve’s now did not mean Eddie became Steve’s to-go date to dumb parties. Eddie had first heard about Gina’s party from Robin when he picked her up from band practice and assumed he’d be completely out of its orbit - at the most driving up to grab whatever drunken state Steve on the curb in the early morning. No, that was not how it played out. It played out like Steve practically begging him to come, even though he abandoned him within twenty seconds of entering. And Eddie couldn’t resist Steve doing anything, much less begging him, even if it was over some stupid party with nobody familiar going.

He stood stock-straight against the wallpaper of the entryway, maybe fifteen minutes having passed but time stretched on painfully. Someone had passed him a red solo cup but he hadn’t moved, staying by the entrance perhaps in an unconscious decision to allow for a hasty exit if need be.

Steve’s bouncy brown mess appeared over the crowd first, and then his eyes - violently searching for something before landing on Eddie. His smile came next, blinding as he pushed through the crowd back to the front door. And he looked good. Girls at the party didn’t even attempt to hide their blatant stares as he stalked past in an all-black combat fit (one Eddie had helped him pick out). Eddie couldn’t blame them. It just hurt a little to accept the fact that there was no way in hell they’d ever really understand why Steve no longer paid attention to them. 

“Thanks for cutting me loose, Steve,” Is what Eddie attempted to get out, maybe managing the first three words before Steve was head barreling into him and scooping him up. Steve’s arms wrapped protectively around Eddie’s waist, pressing their sides together as he grinned at him. And so the rest of the sentence was lost in the ether that was staring at Steve Harrington’s face, bright and open and so, so sweaty. “Jesus, you’re leaking.”

“It’s hot in here,” Steve said, completely oblivious to how much he was soaking all over Eddie and instead pulling them impossibly closer together. Which, wow. Definitely a surprise. “I missed you, Ed. Where’ve you been?”

“Um,” Eddie pointedly glanced around, “here. The whole time. You abandoned me, remember?”

“I didn’t abandon you, you big baby,” Steve said, rolling his eyes fondly. “I’m back, aren’t I? Come on, let’s dance.” 

“Yeah, right,” Eddie laughed callously. Steve stared at him, confused. Which was shocking, because how could he not understand? “You actually wanna dance? In front of all these people? With me?”

“Uh, yeah,” Steve said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. The hand around Eddie’s waist tightened, fingers slipping underneath his t-shirt and skimming over the warm skin. Eddie froze slightly at the contact, an opportunity of weakness Steve took to drag them both back into the crowd and closer to the speakers in the living room.

It was some dumb Frankie Goes to Hollywood song, one Eddie had just barely heard on the radio before. Hardly passable and under any normal circumstance he would’ve launched into a tirad against it; about how stupid and mainstream the song was. And Steve would grin fondly. But Eddie couldn’t get his mouth to move correctly. He’d forgotten how to speak English, actually. 

Steve pressed up against Eddie’s front, chest to chest, so close that whatever they were to each other was obvious to a casual observer. He was bopping from side to side in that dumb little way Steve always danced, lacking in all rhythm or knowledge. His fingers came to loop around Eddie’s belt, pulling him closer and grinning openly. The thought of somebody paying a lick of attention to them both terrified and delighted Eddie, a flare of shock and excitement churning in his stomach. Who knew Steve Harrington’s love for PDA translated over to him? 

Steve buried his face in Eddie’s neck as a familiar Clash song came on the radio, nose pressed to his collarbone. Steve left a sweaty kiss trail behind, pulling up just as he reached Eddie’s mouth with a sneaky grin. Eddie let himself dance, because what else was there to do? 

Neither really knew how to dance, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that Steve got to press himself up to Eddie and shimmy in such a stupid way Eddie laughed so loud people turned around - that Steve’s arms were around Eddie’s shoulders and his hands were everywhere and so were his lips - they were in the center of this party, amidst a group of people Eddie had never and would never see again, and Steve wouldn’t let him go. Steve wanted these people to know they were together. It was a shocking revelation Eddie couldn’t get enough of.

“Steve!” Some girl shouted over the crowd, appearing with what looked like her boyfriend in tow. His hands were planted squarely at her waist, heads tucked together as they emerged from the crowd and headed towards Steve and Eddie. Eddie had never seen either of them before. He steeled himself to get ready for Steve to shove him away, perhaps remove his hands just enough for the excuse of ‘good guy pals’ to be plausible instead of laughable. But Steve didn’t. He kept one arm around Ed’s waist as he turned like a sunflower to whoever these people were, the grin on his face growing. It was a little plastic-y but who could blame him.

“Hi, Lisa! Paul, good to see you guys,” Steve nodded in greeting. Lisa’s eyes glanced over to Eddie but they soon darted back to Steve, as if Eddie was Steve’s shadow instead of an actual person beside him.

“Call me!” Lisa made the symbol with her hand and then they disappeared back into the crowd. Eddie watched them go, feeling Steve melt against him again absently.

“What’s up?” Steve asked, hand coming to Eddie’s chin to turn his head, watching him with concern. “Are you okay?”

“Who was that?” Eddie asked, unapologetically blunt.

“Just some friends from high school,” Steve shrugged easily, as if it was the most normal thing in the world for him to have greeted them with Eddie the Freak at his side. “We had English together senior year. What, did either of them do anything to you? Because I swear to God-”

“No,” Eddie cut him off before Steve could launch into an earnest but honestly unattainable murderous tirad (beacuse let’s be honest, how many fights had he lost at this point). “No, no I’ve never seen them before. I guess I just didn’t expect you to, I dunno.”

“Didn’t expect me to what?” Steve asked. “Oh, I love this song. It’s Madonna!” Eddie blinked in disbelief. 

“We’re at a party, a Hawkins party, thrown by one of your asshole high school friends,” Eddie enunciated because clearly Steve wasn’t getting it. “An asshole friend who, no doubt, cares very much about reputations. Like you did. And yeah, you left for like, ten minutes at the beginning, but you’ve spent the whole party here. Dancing with me. Eddie Munson.” Steve’s face was contorted in puppy-dog confusion.

“Uh, yeah,” He replied. “Because you’re my boyfriend. Why would I be anywhere else?”

“Because I’m your boyfriend,” Eddie raised an eyebrow. Steve’s hands slackened at his sides and his face went sad, which was so not what Eddie had been going for.

“What, do you not want to dance with me?” Steve asked. He took a step back. “It’s okay, you just had to say-”

“No, it’s fine,” Eddie reassured. He grabbed Steve’s hands before they could go into his pockets and put them back on his waist. “I personally don’t give a shit. Not like my sexuality’s much a secret here anyway. In fact, I’m guessing at least half this room have called me a slur before. You, on the other hand-”

“Oh,” Steve breathed, nodding finally. Eddie gestured for emphasis. He’d gotten it. “Right. Yeah.”

“Yes,” Eddie agreed impatiently. After a moment, Steve just shrugged.

“You know I don’t care about that kinda shit anymore,” Steve said. “I dunno. It’s dark in here. I like dancing with you. I’m not friends with any of these people, not really. Why not dance together? Let them say whatever they want about us. Who cares?”

“Seriously?” Eddie said breathlessly. Steve nodded as if it was the simplest thing in the world and pulled him close again, chest-to-chest.

“Seriously,” Steve promised. And as the song revved up, Steve grinning that stupid silly grin he always did, Eddie couldn’t help but kiss him. It would’ve been nearly impossible not to.

[not-close-to-straight]

Bucky is damn right for not coming back home to Tony!😡

And I just don't understand how they are all so quick to forgive him after all that crap he put them through. Ignoring them all for weeks on end! How are they not angry at him for that?!

I am angry at him for that. Right now I can't get over it. He nearly destroyed Clint with his actions but just sitting on Tony's lap is enough?! He's lucky Clint is an Omega and needs his Alpha.

Okay, I'm not sure why I am so emotional about a story that did not happen in real life and can't happen but man, I am angry. I am angry at Tony for shutting them all out, for ignoring them, for not even wanting to see them! I am angry at him for doing that to Bucky and then IGNORING HIM for weeks again! The same with Steve! It's just not right and I am angry at him for it.

All of them should be upset and angry but somehow they aren't and I don't understand?! Maybe I'm just a spiteful bitch but one sorry wouldn't make up for any of it.

And yet I know he went through hell and got hurt so so badly and it warped something in his brain and how he sees himself but just- what he did, how he acted, it's just not right. I'm not talking about the cave, he can blow that whole shit up and I'll cheer him on, but about how he dealt with his family. He calls them family and yet he ignored and hurt them for weeks.

Okay. Deep breathe (it's not real!). But I guess this shows that you write very,very well and certainly give us emotions. 😊

I'm actually a little surprised you're this mad at Tony??

I mean no, Tony doesn't cope well and he's not the strong supportive Alpha that he's always been for the family but what's beautiful about Coming Home is seeing how everyone allows him the time and space and GRACE to shatter to pieces and grieve this horrifying life altering PTSD inducing event and how once he's finally ready to come back, they're waiting to hold him.

That's what family is supposed to do: support us when we fall, pick us back up and if we refuse the help, still be there waiting on the other side when we put ourselves back together.

I mean, Tony wasn't "ignoring" his family out of some pissy tantrum, he was coping with his return from Afghanistan and the arc reactor in his chest and his wings being ruined and not being able to sleep and the aftermath of MONTHS of torture and finding out his parents were murdered by someone he loves-- so he shut down and internalized it all and tried (and failed) to cope that way, but it's not-- personal. How someone grieves after unimaginable tragedy is never about other people. Of course he found it hard to look at Bucky, Bucky is the one who killed his parents. Of course it's tough to see Steve, Steve KNEW about it and never said anything. Bucky is fresh enough out of his own trauma that Tony's initial rejection hit really hard but that's not Tony's fault or Bucky's fault, it just IS.

I think the idea that The Strong One in a relationship/family should always be strong and should always put everyone else first is a deeply flawed sentiment.

Expecting anyone to overcomes months worth of trauma immediately and then being mad because they took a few weeks to cope and couldn't offer more than an "I'm sorry" and a hug when they finally could see their way through the grief fog... like yikes. I've been through some pretty shitty stuff in my life and I'm so glad I had family and friends who were willing to give me the months I needed to grieve and cope rather than being pissed off cos I couldn't handle talking for a few weeks.

[thestobingirlie]

Ohhhh my god thank u for saying what ive been thinking for so long about ronance and also how steve would feel about it every word so true....

1. Even if she did have any feelings for nancy WHAT kind of best friend would get with the first person their bestie had ever fallen in love with who fucked up their heart to the extent that it was still impacting them years later

2. WHY would robin see nancy as a potential good romantic partner after hearing about what she acted like from steve...like i love nancy but she needs to spend some time single and also in therapy before shes ready to be with someone actually i think

3. Also just people trying to point to evidence of vibes between them in the show canon itself I always see all their interactions as robin being intimidated by nancy and nancy actually being kinda rude to robin until she does/says something helpful???

4. On the side of steve's reaction imo he would be completely justified in freaking out - both due to him feeling betrayed by robin and also probably worries about her getting her heart broken?? Especially because in a lot of the get together fics i've scrolled past it seems like a lot of the plots involve robin actively lying to and hiding her feelings and subsequent actions from steve? Also just the general characterisation of steve in these kind of fics as a dumb little puppy that robin and nancy laugh at together

Sorry for long ask this has been building up for quite some time in my brain and seeing your opinion just brought it all bubbling out lol.....could probably get death threats if i talked about this to the wrong fan like at a certain point ppl just need to chill (i say at the end of this massive ask ahaha)

thank you, i will always be willing to shit talk ships i don’t like lmao

anyway. i’ll go through point by point!

1- totally agree, like come one. bro code. no dating your best friends ex, especially when it ended with your best friend getting his heart broken. you’d just have to be the worst friend and least empathetic person in existence.

2- yeah, considering we see robin and steve talk a lot about their love lives, we can assume she knows most of what went down between them, so i honestly can’t imagine robin being able to see nancy in that way. and i totally agree! nancy needs to be single for a while before diving into yet another relationship. honestly my dream ending for nancy is her being single and working through her trauma.

3- i also can’t really see it in the show. like most of their scenes nancy just looks kinda pissed of at robin, and robin is trying desperately to figure out where she went wrong. it just doesn’t seem like a good dynamic.

4- and yeah, i think steve would react badly for two reasons. the first is him feeling betrayed by robin, that robin would date nancy when she was his first love and his heart was so badly broken, we’re still seeing it effect him. and the second is that he would be worried for robin. he knows robin is anxious about how she rambles and acts, and he knows nancy, and i think he would know that nancy wouldn’t have much patience for it. and i do think that he would be worried about robin getting her best broken too. and i hate any fics where the basis is people make fun of steve together, and steve’s best friend and his ex that broke his heart teaming up to call him an idiot would honestly drive me into a frothing at the mouth rage, which is why i don’t read those fics! lol

never apologise for a long ask! they’re always fun to answer, and yeah, there are definitely ships that people want everyone to like. i remember i made this post that was vaguely critical of jancy, and someone sent me this long ask in all caps locks about why i was wrong, it was pretty funny tbh

[stancine]

i just watched a compilation of stans childhood with his dad and like i just feel really bad for stan, mustve been rough growing up like that :c

oh my goodness i just watched it too. when little Stan is sad i just want to give him a hug. Stan went through so much in his childhood. its so interesting to watch his life unfold in the show. honestly they really do get pretty detailed when it comes to his childhood trauma and the way it affected him as an adult. the writers do an awesome job at conveying how Stan copes with his trauma

for example, in the scene where Steve turns Stan’s nostalgia filter down to 0%, Stan still revisits his horribly traumatic childhood with fondness. its not uncommon for adults who were abused/neglected as children to be unable to see their childhood for what it actually was, because in doing so it could be too much for them to handle. and in turn, Stan tends to idolize his father to the point of acting like him and treating his children —namely Steve— in a way that mirrors Jack. this is evident more so in the earlier seasons where Stan was consistently shitting on Steve’s unconventional interests and rejecting Hayley’s nonconformity. he cannot accept his children’s self expression during this time, because he was never allowed to do so when he was their age. he wasn’t treated like a human, but rather an extension of his parents

thank goodness for Francine. she definitely was encouraged to express herself in her youth and she never really shit on her kid’s interests like Stan did. i think that her free spirited nature makes up for Stan being so stuck up.

not to mention how fucking terrible Betty was too! she parentified Stan the moment Jack left them. Stan never got to have a proper childhood not only because his father was a neglectful, emotionally abusive alcoholic, but his mother also never allowed him a proper childhood after his father was out of the picture. she relied on Stan for emotional support, and Stan didn’t know any better. he had no baseline for what a healthy parent-child relationship should look like. and even as an established adult, Stan still is at the hands of his mother from time to time. it takes Francine to point it out for Stan to realize how unhealthy his relationship with his mother is. maybe its hard for him to let go of that because she is the only parent he has left.

it really makes me happy that Stan’s personality shifted as the show went on. in the future, i’d like to gather more information about when this shift actually happened for him, but i really see it as him healing from his trauma, or at least moving on from it. Stan has a wonderful support system in the rest of his family. they all love him and respect him as the father figure/“patriarch” of the Smiths. i know that there is a lot more for Stan to unpack, but it really is wonderful seeing him turn out to be the father that he needed to his own children. the husband that cares about his wife and cherishes their relationship. and the person that everyone in the Smith family can go to when they need help.

[allyricas]

Broken (but not beyond repair) pt. 1

Author's notes: Pairing: Steve Harrington/Original Female Character any romantic pairings will be 18+ and I will tag for any warnings/ratings. There will be eventual smut. Also, Eddie is OFC's ex-best friend and not the nicest originally. He will eventually be the Eddie we know and love, but it's gonna take awhile. I haven't decided about whether to make this a steddie/OFC yet. I've named the character, but kept it vague as far as skin color and appearance for the readers. Not edited by anyone but me, so feel free to let me know about any glaring errors. I haven't written since I was into the teen wolf fandom years ago, so be gentle please. Brief mentions of CSA and abuse. current word count: 3500 whoops.

Summary: After her best friend Eddie breaks her heart, Catarina ends the friendship and moves on. She gets close to Robin and Steve, eventually getting involved with all the danger that Hawkins brings. As she gets closer to Steve and has to learn to fight for what's important to her, what will she do when Eddie is eventually dragged into the danger as well?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You first met Eddie Munson in the sixth grade. He’d ran right into you outside the school, knocking you both to the ground. He’d apologized and you’d shrugged. You were already used to being bullied. You were overweight and you didn’t fit in with the other kids. Hitting puberty before everyone else just made it all worse too—like did you need to get your period at the end of third grade or have a C cup by fourth? With Jenna Williams and her little lackeys constantly mooing at you, you learned to be quiet and just try and get through the day. They would wait until you were in the bathroom and throw things at you, tell you how ugly you were and that no boys would ever like you. Even the younger kids would bully you. Jason Carver especially seemed to hate you. He would trip you and pull your hair. It was hell, at least until a scrawny, weird kid with a shaved head had nearly given you a concussion when he sent you sprawling into the concrete head first.  

The first words he’d said to you were “oh shit I'm sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going... I’m Eddie Munson. Shit. Shit. Uh, your head is bleeding!” 

You stared at him for a minute, dazed and confused because this boy was talking to you without being mean. He was saying sorry. And then he helped you to the clinic and refused to leave, adamant that he would stay with you until your mom came to pick you up. And then he never left your side. You became best friends. You’d race home to do your homework so that you could go ride bikes to the quarry with him. He showed you all his metal and you showed him all your books. It turned out you really didn’t care for most of the heavier metal, but he loved fantasy and science fiction. You both loved campy horror movies and Halloween. You both knew what it felt like to have shitty families and trauma from abuse. You both knew the pain of being different and hated by your peers.  

And God, did Eddie make it easy for you to care about him. His adorable doe eyes, and warm laugh. The way he would hold your hand or gently tug on your hair. How he would always get tapes for you from the music store even when it was music he didn’t like. You knew about his dad and all the things he went through before moving in with his uncle Wayne. He knew about your dad and the abuse and the bullying. He stood up for you when Jenna or Jason would say things to you in the hallway. You would seethe at anyone who called him a freak for wearing nail polish or liking metal. You were each other’s safe haven until you weren’t anymore.  

You knew you loved him. Nearly right away he’d stolen your heart. Eddie Munson had wormed his way right into the essence of your soul. There was a part of you that simply belonged to him and always would. As you both grew older and Eddie became less of a boy and more of a man. A very handsome one, with long hair and stupidly sexy hands—tall and beautiful. His voice was no longer higher pitched, but deeper in a way that felt dangerous. He’d speak to you and sometimes, you felt it everywhere. But you knew Eddie didn’t see you that way. You saw the way his eyes followed the cheerleaders. You saw how he’d stare at Jenna or her little underlings. He stared the most at Chrissy Cunningham even though she was a few years younger than you both. She was beautiful and thin with long blonde hair. She always had a placid smile on her face, hand in hand with Jason Carver of all people. And yet, you watched Eddie pine after her. It didn’t worry you too much but it certainly hurt.  

When Eddie started dealing, you didn’t judge. He needed the money and besides, it meant you could smoke for free. Word spread and by senior year, Eddie was the dealer. He went to the parties and all the popular kids suddenly noticed him even if they still called him a freak. You still felt invisible most of the time. Then you graduated and He didn’t. Then He didn’t again. You managed to stay best friends, even though it would be harder with Eddie was still in high school. You knew Eddie saw you as his best friend, but never as anything else. He had a certain charisma about him though. You saw the other girls notice him. You saw the way they giggled as he strutted by despite his being a super senior—maybe it was like a bad boy type of deal. Between having a band and the best drugs, you knew he was probably hooking up with girls. Regardless of how you felt, you refused to let it affect your friendship. It was on a normal Friday afternoon when everything changed forever. Eddie had been distant for a few weeks, but you knew he was busy so you tried not to worry about it. As you sat on his old couch about to watch a stupid movie, he seemed like he was about to burst with energy.  

“Alright, Ed. What is wrong with you? Did you take something? You are like vibrating dude.” you asked him, a little concerned but trying to play it off. He was acting so strange today. Tense. But excited. “Come on, just tell me. You always do anyways.” 

“Yeah, I need to tell you something. I can’t believe it even happened. I mean, I've dreamed about it, sure. But fuck. Chrissy kissed me. In the woods, at my spot. She came to buy weed and I was flirting a little. Uh, next thing I know, she’s kissing the hell out of me.” Eddie exhaled; eyes wide. You felt your stomach drop and your heart shatter. You knew it wasn’t fair to feel that way, but damn it hurt. And you also knew that Chrissy and Jason were still together. You’d seen them just yesterday at the coffee shop. They’d sat in the corner, laughing and cuddling (not even ordering anything) and you remember thinking they seemed happy. Even though Eddie had been crushing on her for years, you liked Chrissy. She was kind for a cheerleader and she didn’t participate in any bullying directly. She often would scold others quietly if things got out of hand. She seemed a little lost sometimes. Like maybe, she had been through something—you could usually recognize that in other people. You worried she was using Eddie to deal with whatever that something was.  

“Ed. Chrissy and Jason are still together. Is she breaking up with him?” you sighed. You didn’t want to have this conversation but you cared enough to do it anyways.  

“I don’t know. We decided to keep it a secret for now. Jason is a dick. She doesn’t want to deal with the drama of a breakup.” Eddie crossed his arms. You could see his defenses were going up. “I have liked her for years, Cat. I have got to go for it.” 

“She is going use you while she hangs all over Jason. You deserve better than being a dirty secret. You...I …I just." You stopped, your words failing you for a moment. “I think Chrissy is struggling with something and she’s trying to escape and she is trying to use you to numb whatever it is. I know what that looks like. So do you, and I just don’t want you to get hurt, I care about you so much Ed.” 

“You’re just fucking jealous.” he scoffed. His face was red and you noticed his eyes, pupils small and hands shaking.  

“Please don’t be with Chrissy. Eddie, I care about you. Do you understand what I am saying? I would be so happy to show you off to the whole world. I would try to make you happy. You deserve someone who will see you and love you. Ed, I love you.” the words spilled out before you could stop them. Your heart sank because you said the three words you swore you would never say out loud. And you could not take them back now. You had talked to Eddie many times about how you felt like no one would ever want you romantically. That you felt undesirable and unlovable. That it was a big source of anxiety and pain for you. You had cried in his arms, worried that you would always be damaged goods—broken beyond repair. He’d just rubbed your back while you cried and told you that it wasn’t true. That someday you would find someone who wanted you.  

“Um. What do you mean ‘you love me’...like as a friend” Eddie asked, voice lower than you’d ever heard it. He stared, waiting for you to answer him.  

You took a deep breath. There was no going back now. You had to be honest.  

“I love you. Not just as my best friend. I want to be more than friends. I’ve felt this way for a while, but I was scared to tell you. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.” You were barely able to whisper out the words. You felt your eyes sting and you blinked back the tears.  

“I don’t love you like that. I want Chrissy. I’ve wanted her for a long time. I’m not giving up a chance to be with her over you. You're my best friend, but I could never want you that way.” he replied coldly. His arms were crossed and he was glaring at you. He was now shaking all over. You could smell that he’d been drinking, you hadn’t noticed before being so caught up in the Chrissy revelation.  

“Ed, you’re drunk. Are you on drugs, too?” you asked, hoping this was why he was being so mean to you. It was fine if he didn’t feel the same way. Okay, your heart was broken, but you’d get past it because it was Eddie and your friendship meant everything to you.  

“Catarina, I don’t want you. No one does. You are a great friend, but just not the girl that anyone falls for. Sad truth.” He was trying to hurt you on purpose. He was furious you’d said Chrissy was using him. Furious you weren’t happy for him. Furious he had to deal with this bullshit instead of hanging out with you. So, he dug the knife in deeper. “I don’t want damaged goods. You are broken beyond repair Catarina. I don’t want your daddy’s sloppy seconds, that’s fucking gross.” 

He threw your own words and pain back at you. The part of you that had once belonged to Eddie shriveled. You let all the anger and hurt take over and carved out every single part of your heart that had been infected by Eddie fucking Munson and you burned it. You know he’s lashing out and fucked up on alcohol and drugs. You know he has his own traumas that he refuses to work through, but you won’t ever let someone speak to you this way. Take words you told them in confidence and have them weaponized against you. You were done with him. Not just as the boy you once loved, but as your best friend.  

“Munson, fuck you. Don’t you ever fucking talk to me again. Don’t look at me. Don’t fucking think about me. Go be Chrissy fucking Cunnigham’s slutty little secret and rot in hell.” And you stormed out of his trailer and out of his life.  

The next day he tried calling a few times, confused as to why you didn’t show up to his show at the hideout. You always went. Finally, after the fifth time, you answered the phone. “Hello, Connor residence. This is Cat.” 

“Cat, what the fuck. Why didn’t you come to the show tonight?” Eddie whined. Your head started to spin. What planet is he on?  

“I told you to not to call me or talk to me. Leave me alone. Stop calling me.” You hung up the phone. How dare he call you like nothing happened. The phone started to ring again.  

“What don’t you understand about ‘leave me the fuck alone’ Munson?” 

“Wait, Cat. Don’t hang up. What happened last night? I was so fucked up on pills and I was drinking Wayne’s shitty whiskey. Did I say something to piss you off?”  

“Don’t ever call me again. I don’t want to talk to you. You shattered our friendship and I’m certainly repeating any of the bullshit you were spouting last night. Fuck off.” You hung up the phone, ripping the jack from the wall. You went upstairs and crawled into bed. This was your last summer before community college. You had to work early in the morning. You needed to find new friends. You wanted to move out of your mom’s house and start your life. But tonight, you just needed to cry over the boy you thought would always be by your side and who had broken your heart more than you thought possible.  

______________________________________________________________

Two weeks after walking out of Eddie’s trailer, you’d walked into the Family Video. Your friend from high school Robin worked there and you needed some human interaction. Your mom had been staying with your grandparents in Florida to help out and it was just you, alone in your stupid house. It had been some time since you’d hung out with Robin as she was a year below you in school thus about to graduate this year with the wonderful, beautiful Chrissy and maybe even Eddie—if he pulled his shit together and actually showed up to class. You looked like total shit, hair a total mess and eyes puffy from crying. You were wearing a ripped Tears for Fears top and pajama shorts with your chucks, and you had not an ounce of makeup on. It wasn’t Robin at the counter though, it was Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington. You rolled your eyes because of course you look like death warmed over and this handsome fucker is here looking like he stepped out of a gap magazine. You looked at him for a moment longer, noticing that he had clearly put on a bit of muscle and grown out his hair a bit more. He looked even better than he had in high school. You might’ve been in love with Eddie, but even you were not immune to how pretty Steve was.  

“Hello, there. Welcome to Family Video. Do you need help finding a certain movie?” Steve told you, and sadly, it was the first human interaction you’d had in weeks outside of the book store. You just stared, feeling tears sting the corner of your eyes. Fuck, you were not about to cry in front of Steve Harrington. Reel it in, do not do it. “You alright there, pretty girl? If you’re going through a bad breakup, I could recommend—” 

“No, not exactly a breakup.” You felt the first tear escape. You fought the tears valiantly, but they continued. “How about when your best friend of eight years breaks your heart and chooses a pretty cheerleader over you and tells you how awful and unlovable you are?? Oh my god, I am so sorry for the major oversharing. Do you have Grease 2?” 

It was then that Robin (thank God) walked into the store from the backroom. “Cat!! I haven’t seen you in ages. You look like shit? What's wrong?!”  

“I... Me and Eddie. I-” You started to cry in earnest at this point. Robin quickly threw her arms around you. 

“She said he broke her heart, chose a cheerleader over her—that she was awful. Clearly untrue. Eddie Munson is a freak if he thinks she is the awful one. Just saying.” Steve shrugged, helping to fill Robin in on what she had missed as you were sobbing, unable to speak.  

“Thanks, dingus. Eddie has treated you like his own personal cheerleader for years and totally ignored that you were obviously in love with him because he was hung up on Cunningham—who by the way, never knew he even existed until she wanted to start rebelling against her boring little existence. This explains a lot though. They’ve been all over each other at school for weeks. It’s disgusting. If I have to hear her through lunch laughing and sighing ‘oh, Eddie you’re so bad. You're so funny’ I will absolutely vomit all over them. You should see Carver though. Apparently, there was some overlap between them breaking up and Eddie and Chrissy getting together. Oh, the scandal of it all.” 

“Rob, what the hell...I don’t think she needs to hear all of that right now.” Steve interjected, clearly exasperated at his best friend's ramblings.  

“No, I think it helps to know.” you gulped between sobs. You took a deep breath. “Fuck Munson. I don’t need this bullshit. I came to see if you wanted to hang out Robin. I won’t lose the few friends I do have because of Edward Munson.” 

“Right on. You have Robin, and you can have me, too. I mean, if you want.” Steve threw his hands over his face, embarrassed of how that came out. You and Robin both chuckled.  

“I know what you meant, Steve. Of course, I want to be your friend too. It kind of seems like you and Rob are a package deal. How long have you been dating?” You asked, sensing the obvious closeness between them.  

“Oh NO. No, no, no. Eww, no offense. Steve and I are platonic. Capitol P platonic. He’s my bestie, my sweet cheese—totally unromantic.” Robin stuttered, rambling more and more.  

“Gee thanks, Rob.” Steve laughed, “She is right though. We are just best friends. We’ve gone through some heavy shit together, it shows.” 

“Ah, well then. Do you guys want to come over to my house tonight. I have the last of my weed and we can order takeout, watch a movie...or play games? Whatever really.” You offered, praying they would say yes.  

“We get off in an hour, we will bring a few movies. Even Grease 2.” Steve winked at you and you felt your stomach swoop. Shit.  

“I’ll order the pizzas.” you smiled. “But don’t talk shit about Grease 2. Michelle Pfeiffer is a goddess and she is so hot in that movie and the music rocks.” 

Robin stared at you intensely and Steve’s jaw was dropped.  

“You...think Michelle Pfeiffer is hot? Like in a girl crush way? Or...” Robin asked tentatively.  

“Um, in a ‘I’d faint if I ever met her’ kind of way. I hope that’s cool. I kind of thought you were...that you might also think. Um. I like girls and guys. Bisexual. Please tell me that you’re both cool with that.” you heart dropped, why did you always do this? Say too much and ruin things before they even started.  

“I’m a lesbian. Steve knows, he’s cool. Right Steve. But for the record, she’s not really my type. My type is unavailable and straight, apparently.” 

“Yeah, it’s hot. I mean, I’m cool with it.” Steve nodded, enthusiastically while Robin slapped him on the arm, rolling her eyes. 

“So... we’re going to discuss that later, Rob. Yeah?” You responded, hugging her tightly. On a whim, you also threw your arms around Steve. “Thanks for being cool about it, Stevie.”  

Steve flushed red and just patted your back. As you were walking out the door, you heard Robin laughing at Steve, calling him Stevie.  

“I think only Catarina can call me that, sorry Rob. You already call me dingus...”  

You smiled as you drove home. You’d sobbed in front of Steve Harrington, which yes, was mortifying. But you also reconnected with Robin in a whole new way. You were out to two more people. Eddie had known as well, and he hadn’t cared one way or the other since he also liked both. Steve had said it was hot before correcting to that’s cool. The butterflies returned with intensity as you considered the flush on his face as you’d hugged him and called him Stevie. The last thing you needed was to crush on your new friend, but it was impossible not to with Steve. He’d called you pretty girl and said Eddie was a freak for not seeing you. You couldn’t wait to hang out with your friends tonight and help Robin with her crush. This was a new beginning. You could never imagine a life without your old best friend, but what if you’d been so caught up in him that you missed out on getting to know amazing people? As much as losing him hurt, you felt it—that this was a good thing for you. And it meant you got to look at Steve Harrington, that certainly didn’t hurt either.  

[smileygoth]

The Outlaw Torn - Part Four (Stranger Things)

Yeah I'm resurrecting this one again (fnar) - I can't help myself, I know I should stop before it gets shit but I'm having too much fun running with this idea! I'll have a whole season 5 script done at this rate! KAS THEORY / VAMPIRE EDDIE is everything!!

Find parts 1 to 3 here!

CW: spoilers for the season 4, some mild swearing, that's about it.

Word count: 2,661 words.

Image courtesy of Netflix.

“God, Steve, I swear if you do not cheer up, I will strangle you myself!”

Steve lifted his eyes from the beer bottle in front of him to Robin’s exasperated face. “Sorry,” he said flatly. “I guess I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

“You haven’t been ‘feeling it’ any night for weeks,” Robin retorted. “Ever since…” She trailed off, her cheeks colouring, then continued in a rapid babble. “I mean I get it, we’ve all been through some major trauma and our lives have changed forever again, but I really think that if you would just try to have a little fun, you might start to feel better.” She looked around the crowded kitchen, where high schoolers mingled with older kids and took full advantage of the unpoliced alcohol on offer. Music was blaring in the living room and she could see bodies moving in time to the beat through the open doorway. Bowls of chips and snacks and cans and bottles littered the countertops in the kitchen and were being plundered remorselessly by the people struggling to hold conversations over the voices of everyone else. “I mean, there are plenty of hot girls here and you haven’t even spoken to any of them!”

“I’m not in the mood,” Steve replied.

“You’re always in the mood!” Robin argued. “You’re like, permanently on the lookout for Miss Right!” When Steve just scowled, she sighed and dropped her voice. “You’re not still thinking about Nancy, are you? I know I was encouraging you two to you know, revisit your old romance, but she’s clearly chosen to stay with Jonathan, so…”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Give it a rest, Rob.” He paused, winced at the harshness of his own tone, then added, “I’m sorry, it’s not your fault. I just … You’re right.”

Robin’s expression grew sympathetic. “Talk to me,” she urged, reaching out to put her hand over his.

Steve took a deep breath. “Well, you’ve got Vicky now,” he began, “And that’s great, it really is, but it just reminds me that I’m still stuck on my own. You have Vicky, and Nancy has Jonathan, and I’m alone.”

“Well you’re never going to find someone if you stand there looking miserable all the time,” Robin said gently.

“I know. But…” Steve groaned and shook his head. Lifting the bottle in his hand to his lips, he took a big swig, emptying it, then set it aside. “I never told you,” he said. “Eddie said something to me while we were in the … the other place.” 

Robin said nothing, but leaned forward, allowing Steve to talk quietly.

“He said that … Well, he said a lot,” Steve said with a small smile, “But what he essentially said was that … that he thought Nancy still had feelings for me. ‘True love’, he called it. And I guess I got that stuck in my head, and I just thought that Nancy would … Choose me.” His voice dropped at the end , so quiet that Robin almost didn’t catch the words. “I really think I love her, Rob, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Steve,” she said sadly. “I wish you’d told me sooner.”

He shrugged. “You’re right though,” he went on. “She’s made her choice. Moping around feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to help. I should be trying to get over her. Move on. Have fun.”

Robin shrugged. “It’s got to be better than being miserable,” she replied. Her eyes fell on something behind him, and she smiled. “No time like the present, right?”

Steve frowned. “I guess. Why?”

“There’s a girl over there who is de-vouring you with her eyes right now.”

Steve froze. “Is she cute?”

Robin gave a thoughtful hum. “She’s … not your usual kind of conventionally cute, she’s kind of got a bit of a waifish charm, but … yeah, she’s cute.”

“Waifish charm?” Steve glanced over his shoulder and chuckled. “Oh, I see.” He turned back and swiped a fresh bottle of beer. “Screw it. Back on the horse, right?”

“That’s my boy,” Robin beamed, giving him an encouraging punch on th shoulder. “Go have fun.”

Spinning on his heel, Steve tried to recover some of his old swagger, one hand rising to check his hair as he headed over to the girl. As Robin had said, she was pale and bright-eyed, giving her a fragile, almost ethereal look. But she was dressed in a cute dress and she had a drink in her hand, and she was watching him with a hungry look and a shy smile that didn’t quite go together. As he reached her her smile widened, revealing white teeth. “Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” Steve replied. “So my friend says you’ve been watching me.”

The girl dropped her eyes bashfully. “Maybe,” she replied. “Maybe I’ve had a crush on you for ages, and maybe I was working up the courage to come over to you.”

Steve smiled. “Well, now you don’t have to,” he said. “So what’s your name?”

“Debbie,” the girl replied.

………..

Eddie leaned against the wall behind him and took a long drag on his cigarette. It didn’t really do anything for him any more, but old habits died hard. Looking at the sky, he saw from the position of the moon that some time had passed. He supposed that by now, Debbie was off doing the job he had given her. Now he had to do his. The problem was, he was having a little trouble getting himself to do it.

To his right was the darkened window of Dustin’s bedroom. Where he stood pressed against the wall, Eddie knew he couldn’t be seen, but that didn’t matter since Dustin was asleep. Eddie knew this because he could hear his slow breathing through the slightly open window. He’d never been to Dustin’s house before, but he’d given him rides home after DnD games before, so he’d known where to find it. It hadn’t been hard finding the right window either, since the moment he got close he could smell Dustin’s scent almost pouring out of it. The boy’s presence was all through the room inside. And that was what was giving him the trouble. The smell of him was bringing back memories of those last few days. The days when Dustin had become more than just one of his DnD buddies. When he’d led the mission to save Eddie from the cops. When he’d hugged him at Skull Rock so tightly he’d thought his ribs might crack. When they’d goofed around making weapons and his biggest complaint had been that Eddie might wedgie him. 

When he’d held Eddie as he died. 

‘I love you, man…’

Eddie’s lips tightened around his cigarette as the echo of his own words came back to him. He’d meant it. That dorky little know-it-all had saved his life, and would have tried to save it again (which was exactly why he’d cut the blanket rope behind him - though he’d still found a way to come running). He didn’t really want to do this.

BUT YOU WILL, a low voice in the back of his mind growled. His voice.

With a heavy sigh, Eddie dropped his half-smoked cigarette and crushed it beneath his sneaker. Then he turned to the window and peered inside. The curtains were drawn, but carelessly, a wide gap left between them which gave Eddie an ample view into the room. He saw the messy desk, the shelves cluttered with books and plastic figures and pots of pens and pencils and notebooks left open to some scrawled thought or idea. He saw the dim blueish light from the terrarium on top of the bureau. He saw the narrow bed and the curled-up figure inside it. Curly hair spread across the pillow, face slack and related in sleep. Hands just beneath his chin, fingers curled around … What was that? A rag?

Eddie narrowed his eyes and looked closer. His keen eyesight made out a familiar black and white pattern on a worn piece of fabric. One he’d last seen the night he’d died. His bandana.

Something seemed to let go in his chest, and he recoiled from the hurt with a low groan. He wanted to cry. He wanted to punch the window and shatter it, punch the wall into pieces, punch the voice in his head until it fell silent and never ever asked him to do anything ever again. His hands balled into fists at his side. I won’t do it, he thought. Resolve flooded through him like a balm, and he took a step away from the window.

A sudan white-hot lance of pain shot through his head. Gasping, he stumbled, hands clutching at his head, fingers sinking into his thick brown hair. YOU WILL, the voice silently boomed. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO DIE … AGAIN. Hot agony spread through his torso as he felt the old wounds tearing open again.

“Alright, alright, alright, I’ll do it,” he whimpered. “Just stop. Stop.”

The pain receded, slowly. Like before, in its aftermath Eddie felt a strange detachment. He stepped up to the window again and looked through. The boy in his bed was just a boy, the bandana clutched in his hands just cloth. He tried to conjure back the memories his scent had evoked and couldn’t. All he could think of was that this was the boy who had abandoned him in that awful place, alone, to die. 

Inside, Dustin stirred, his eyes blinking open. He looked around, confused. “Mom?” he called quietly. “That you?” He listened for a beat, then when the silence remained unbroken he shrugged and laid his head back on the pillow. Before he could fall asleep again, Eddie lifted a hand and rapped gently on the window with one knuckle. Dustin’s head shot up again, and this time he looked straight at the window. Eddie knocked again, and with a cautious glance in the direction of his close bedroom door, Dustin climbed out of bed and crossed to the window. Eddie’s bandana lay forgotten on his pillow.

When he pulled the curtains wide and looked out, Dustin’s face contorted in shock and disbelief. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped, and the colour drained from his face. 

“Hey, Henderson,” Eddie said softly, giving him a lopsided smile. After a second when Dustin didn’t reply, he added: “Think this the first time I’ve seen you lost for words.”

Dustin shut his mouth and swallowed. “Eddie?” he whispered. “Am I dreaming? You’re supposed to be dead!”

“You’re not dreaming, and I got over it,” Eddie replied. “You gonna let me in so I can explain, or are we gonna whisper through the crack in the window all night?”

Dustin’s hands reached up to open the window wider. Then he paused. Conflicting emotions sped across the young boy’s face, and he looked carefully at Eddie, the hope in his eyes tinged with concern. “Wait,” he said slowly. “You … You died, Eddie. Like, right in my arms. You were dead. How are you here?”

Eddie frowned. “Not happy to see me?”

“No, Eddie, of course I’m happy to see you,” Dustin quickly replied. “But … How?”

Sighing, Eddie pantomimed looking over his shoulders. “Dude, can I explain it to you inside? I don’t want anyone seeing me. I’m still technically wanted for murder, remember?”

Dustin hesitated. “Well…”

“C’mon, Dustin, man,” Eddie whined. “It’s me!” He plucked at his t shirt with one hand. “Hellfire, remember?”

Dustin glanced back to his desk, where his own Hellfire shirt was draped over the back of the chair. When he looked back, his eyes were wide and tearful. “Eddie…” he said. “I love you and I’m so happy to see you, but … You gotta admit that this is really weird…”

This was taking way too long. Eddie’s temper snapped like a bowstring. Unable to stop himself, he slammed one fist against the window and snarled: “Let me in, you little shit!”

Dustin recoiled in horror as Eddie’s eyes momentarily blazed red and his lips curled back to reveal sharp teeth. “What the…?” He stumbled away from the window, hands groping for something, anything to use as a weapon. All he found in reach was his Hellfire shirt. “Your eyes, Eddie!” he cried. “Your teeth! What the hell happened to you?”

Eddie chuckled. “Hell. Yeah, that’s about right.” He let all his pretense at being the old Eddie drop. “What happened is that you left me in that place, that … hellscape … and he found me and did this to me! Now let me in or I will rip your fucking head off when I get hold of you!”

Dustin winced, tears spilling from his eyes. Then the fear in his face turned into confusion. “The window’s open, Eddie,” he said. “Why didn’t you just climb in?”

Eddie paused. He looked at the window, then back to Dustin. “I … I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just…” He curled his fingers around the edge of the window and pulled. His pointed nails rasped against the glass, but it didn’t move. 

Dustin’s eyes widened. “Oh my God,” he exclaimed. “You can’t, can you? I have to invite you in! I know what you are! You’re a goddamn vampire, just like in the movies, Eddie!” 

Eddie slammed his fists against the window in frustration and snarled. “I’m warning you, Henderson!”

Dustin flinched away again. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I left you there. I’m sorry I didn’t get to you in time. I never wanted to leave you there, I swear. But my leg … I couldn’t get you out.”

Eddie’s keen ears picked up the sound of Dustin’s mother in the hallway. He pointed a sharp-nailed finger at Dustin. “I’ll be back, you little traitor,” he spat. “Just wait and see.”

He stepped back into the darkness, melting into the shadows cast by the trees. Dustin ran to the window and pulled it wide. “I’ll find a way to fix this, I promise!” he yelled. Then his mother was in the room, admonishing him for making so much noise, and Eddie slipped away into the night.

His mind and body were in turmoil. He was so mad at Dustin for not letting him in, his gums ached with the desire to rip his scrawny little throat out. But he was also confused at why he hadn’t been able to get inside - hadn’t even thought to try until Dustin had pointed it out. His stomach roiled with anger and shame - anger at having failed and shame at how he’d spoken to the boy. He was still just a kid, after all. 

And he’s Dustin - my Dustin.

The memories were starting to creep back in. Dustin yelling over the DnD table. Dustin sitting with him at lunch, beaming at him as he told whatever dumb story was in his head that day. At Skull Rock, hugging him til his ribs ached. He pushed them away irritably.

“Like the movies, my ass,” he muttered. Nothing had gone to plan tonight. He wondered if Debbie was doing any better with Steve. If she wasn’t, the plan was basically dead in the water - tomorrow Dustin would certainly tell all his friends about his encounter with ‘Vampire Eddie’, and none of them would let him get close. If they didn’t get Steve in the Club tonight, there was no way he’d get to the others. And no way to get to Eleven.

He strode back into the forest, back toward Skull Rock. No matter, he thought. If Plan A failed, there was always Plan B. The idea brought a smile to his face. 

“You like movies, Henderson?” he said to himself, his smile widening to a sharp white grin. “Just you wait. I’m gonna go full Salem’s Lot on this shithole town.”

Somewhere overhead, a bat shrieked. Eddie started to laugh.

[fandomhopped]

I’m Not Okay, but It's Fine:)

pairing: steve rogers x platonic!reader, bucky barnes x platonic!reader, sam wilson x platonic!reader, tony stark x platonic!reader ; 2nd person pov.

summary: reader is going through it and they don’t really have anyone to go through it with. / i don’t think i used any pronouns at all so it’s non-gender specific. side note: i kinda just needed to vent, so there’s this.

warnings: mild swearing, low self-esteem, perfectionistic ideas, mentions of mental illness, mentions of suicidal thoughts.

word count: 1k pt. 2

You’re losing all your friends. You couldn’t deny it anymore; they were all leaving you. Whether it was that they’re getting significant others or they just didn’t really talk to you anymore, they were trickling out of your life.

Bucky's in Wakanda, trying to get over his mental shit.

Steve's messing around with Natasha and isn't really associating with anyone else at the moment.

Sam's got a girl from his hometown that he's been spending a lot of time with while also helping his sister.

And then, there's you. You do your work; you go on missions; you try your hardest, which never seemed to be enough for anyone anymore.

You don’t want to be dramatic and say you have no one left anymore, but you are alone. You have no one.

And it’s wearing you down. Every day is a struggle, just to get up in the morning. Then when you’re up, it’s burdening to just keep moving.

And the missions are getting harder because there’s a weight on your shoulders to be perfect and to make not even the slightest of wrong moves because then the whole mission could topple upon itself and it would all be your fault.

But who are you going to tell that to? Everyone else is preoccupied and happy. And you’re happy ‘cause they’re happy, but you’re not really happy because you’re alone and you just want someone to talk to you like normal, but nothing is normal anymore.

Not to you at least. They’re all acting like nothing’s changed, but everything’s changed.

Maybe, that's the problem - that everything's changing and you're not. You don't like change, you liked things the way they were, when you were happy.

It's not depression or any of those other mental illnesses everyone is pushing on you to have either, you would know if you had a mental illness like that... which you don't because you're perfect, or at least you need to be. And a mental illness would be a fault, you need to be perfect mentally - in the most tip-top shape for any situation ever.

And if you're not in the best place mentally, then you can't be there for others like you need to. When people come to you to complain about their life or if they need someone to vent to or to give them the validation they crave.

Maybe that's your only purpose in life - to be there for others... even when they're not there for you, which is completely fine because as long as they're happy, you're happy. No matter how much you sacrifice for them.

Sometimes you feel like your struggles are insignificant, because you haven’t gone through all the others went through. There’s no childhood trauma or dead parents or HYDRA kidnapping, you weren’t in the military, you didn’t lose a loved one.

There’s no reason for you to be down like you are. Some people have way worse.

So it’s dramatic to have the thoughts of ending it all. You’ve thought about, but it never got to the point of you actually considering doing it, bar a few times when you were lying in bed, almost asleep. It was a quick thought, but you won’t deny it lingered for a while.

But you would never do that. There are too many people that care about you, or at least you think so.

Not many people know, but you have an older sister back home. You don’t get to talk to her as much as you used to, but if she got word that you pulled that plug, it would crush her.

And as we all know, you don’t want to burden others with your problems, because then you’re dramatic and an attention whore.

So you push all those thoughts and feelings and unshed tears into a little box inside you and it stays there. God forbid anyone let the one that never had a reason to be upset with their life complain about their situation.

And just when you think you're on the edge of an actual deep depression or a literal nervous breakdown neither of which you would have recovered from, there's Tony.

You hadn't really spoken to Tony since the events of the Germany airport fight. You didn't fight in it, you were in deep cover for a different operation at the time, but Steve was your best friend.

Plus, when Bucky had his shit together for a little bit, you grew very close to him very quick - attached-at-the-hip close. You basically dropped your friendship with Tony for him.

But then Bucky left and Steve's busy and Sam's doing something on his own.

It sounds awful, but, to be blunt, you fell from that high horse and came crawling back to Tony. You denied it for a few days, but soon accepted that you knew what was happening. You feel awful for ever dropping him in the first place, but this is a live-and-learn moment.

Tony accepted your friendship with open arms and you couldn't be more grateful for him. You know he has Pepper and Rhodey and Happy, but the way he just let you right back in even after you dropped him without a second thought and without making you feel bad about leaving him in the first place, just adds to how he is a better friend than anyone else.

He's incomparable to any of the other friends that got bored with you and found others.

He's the best friend any one could ask for.

And you love him with the majority of your heart

but you know as soon as Bucky gets better and is ready to be normal with you again, you'll all but run back to him. You would never speak an ill term on Bucky's name but he's obviously going through things that you can't help him with. He's not in the best state of mind to be there for anyone like you need someone to be there for you.

Like Tony is there for you.

[cjsinkythoughts]

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day. 

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.” 

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. 

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

~

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

~

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

[fckwritersblock]

More Than Therapy

Bucky x black!reader

Warning: sooooo there is smut ahead. Okay like, not complete filth but it’s there! Who even knows what this is, but enjoy it!

Pic below from post by @afriendlyblackhottie

(Unedited.)

“Look, I’m not saying that she’s not a great therapist, I’m just think that she’s not your style.”

Bucky didn’t hide his eye roll.

For the past 2 weeks, Sam had been trying to convince him he needed a second option. Ever since he had his own encounter with Bucky’s therapist, which consisted of being forcefully included in one of their sessions, he could see it wasn’t really helping Bucky at all. Not that Sam was an expert or anything, he just knew his.....friend.

“Alright Sam, fine.” Bucky sighed tossing the wrench to the side. “So what. I kick my therapist to curb, then what? You got some kind of recommendation or something?”

Sam just smirked before turning and making his way off the boat.

“Actually I do.”

Now here Bucky was, waiting on another person to come and try to break down all his walls and get in his head and help him with through his ‘issues’.

“Waste of time.” He mumbled to his self.

However, when she walked in the door, that thought quickly left.

“I’m Y/n.”

“James”

“It’s nice to meet you James.”

For the first time in a very long time Bucky felt comfortable almost immediately. The conversation didn’t feel forced, he didn’t feel pressured, it was just easy. Y/n didn’t push and pry. She simply let him answer the way he want and what he wanted. She let him sort of control the conversation. It was refreshing.

From then on, he saw her twice a week. Their first two weeks together was just them getting to know one another. Establishing trust on Buckys end. He appreciated that for once the woman so much pressure for him to be OK so soon. Finally, after about a month or so, they were doing a little exercises here and there to work through his trauma. The first assignment, it was actually pretty similar to the last psychiatrist he had seen. To get out and make at least one friend. Find an activity or something that he enjoys.

“So have you been getting out like we discussed?”

“Yeah I’ve gone out.” He nodded carelessly with a grin as he sat across the table from her.

Y/n raised an eyebrow. “To places besides the bar.”

“Yes.”

“Liar.” She said and it was her turn to grin as she held her hand out.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, handing over his phone. Bucky watched her click a few buttons knowing she was checking his contacts. This was like Deja vu.

“You have the same amount of numbers in your phone as last week Barnes.”

“Not true Doc, I have you.” He smiled sheepishly.

“I hardly count Barnes.” A small smile graced her face nonetheless.

She was quiet for a moment and he took that opportunity to study her. In deep thought. Y/n had a tell. She’d bite the corner of her bottom lip on the right side every time she was trying to figure something out. Usually before she came up with his homework before the next session.

“I have a thought but you’re not gonna like it.” She began after while.

“Lay it on Doc.”

“I don’t feel like you are actively trying to be a part of society. What you’ve been doing, trying to right your wrongs of the other guy...” she drifted for a moment. “It’s futile. You don’t need to do that. That-“

Y/n paused taking a deep breath.

“That’s not you.” She spoke softly.

“But that is me! I am winter soldier!” He yelled on his feet quickly.

Anger. He was familiar with the feeling. Angry was something he just couldn’t seem to stop feeling. Even if he didn’t show it, it was like he was angry all the time. However feeling it with her was unfamiliar. And he could feel the inner turmoil of him taking his frustrations out on her as he tried to push that anger back down.

“Were.” Y/n stated with finality, voice strong. “You were the winter Solider. And that wasn’t you. That’s just a couple of dark chapters in the book of your life. That’s it.

“You don’t know m-“

“But that is not you.” She repeated a little louder commanding forcing him to look her dead in the eyes. “That’s not who you are, James. And while I may not have known you pre-hydra, or during, but I’m knowing you now. And that’s just not you.”

Y/n leaned back in her chair.

“I know that here, Bucky.” She grinned a little placing her hand over her heart and tapped twice. “And deep down, so do you.”

“. You, James Buchanan Barnes, you are not the bad guy.

The anger he had been feeling had subsided and I was replaced with something that was completely unfamiliar to him. Something he longed for couldn’t quite the grass. Something that he didn’t even realize was in within his reach until noon.. The feeling, regardless of how unfamiliar it was with something Bucky didn’t think he wanted to go away.

The silence between them was comfortable. Y/n could tell that he was processing her words. It was a good thing, she could because he was no longer good tense and his stance was relaxed instead of defensive.

“You know what? We’re finished for today. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She declared.

“What?” Bucky snapped out of his tranced and frowned. “Doc, come on. I shouldn’t be seeing you til Thursday.”

“Yeah tomorrow,” she nodded with a smile. “I want to try something different.”

The next day but he showed up at their usual time, 11 AM. When he stopped at a reception to ask for Dr. Y/n they informed him she was out for the day. He frowned and turned to leave only to find her approaching him from the elevator.

“Hey! You ready to go?” Y/n offered a gentle smile.

“I thought we were-“ he asked went fo point back toward her office but she stopped him.

“We are. We’re just doing things differently today.” She informed him, before nodding her head toward the elevator. “Let’s go.”

Their day together was eventful to say the least. Their first stop was her favorite coffee spot. It was actually a little hole in the wall called Hippies Brew in the downtown area. A cool modern place full of friendly and eccentric individuals. It was comfortable. Homey. It wasnt one she’d typically recommend clients, but she would recommend it to friends. After that they were too the aquarium followed by the park where they sat on a park bench for lunch. Lunch being tacos from the El Gordo’s taco truck parked near by. Well a lot of the time at the park or spit in silence, it was still comfortable as a people watched together. While Bucky hated to admit it, this is the first time he really just felt at peace. There was no one looking over him with some unrealistic expectation of him to be Steve, and become so hero he wasn’t. There was no pressure to get his shit together right then and there. He was just simply allowed to be Bucky. Unapologetically.

“Walk with me?” He asked.

Y/n raised an eyebrow, surprised he initiated doing something together, but agreed with a smile.

Soon enough they easily fell into conversation of as they began to walk the lake.

Before they knew it, the sun was beginning to set. Their time together lasted longer than Y/n planned but either was it was nice. She enjoyed today, as did he. Bucky’s offered to walk her back to her car, savoring their last few moments together.

“Are you sure I can’t give you a ride home?” Y/n asked as they got closer to her car in the now empty lot.

“Yeah, Doc, lm sure.” He smiled back at her, her smile and laugh being infectious. “I like walking. It gives me time to think. it’s peaceful. Kind of like today.”

Y/n’s smile widened at his confession. So her idea did work. He was making progress.

“ That’s what you deserve James peace. I can’t promise every day is gonna be like this.” She turned away approaching the driver side door. “I mean, it is life there are going to be some bad days. But you do deserve some peace. Some happiness.

She turned to see that he was a lot closer than she thought saying that he was preparing to open the door for her. She swallowed, suddenly feel in the air around them shift. As she ran her tongue over her lips, Bucky’s eyes zeroed in on the action.

“You just have to let yourself have it.” She said softly.

It was in that exact moment where James decided he was going to do just that; let himself have happiness. And without thinking, he leaned forward and connected his lips with her.

He pulled away almost as soon as it happened eyes wide.

“James…” y/n finger tips traced her lips as she stared at him.

“I am, i, I don’t know-“ Bucky stuttered.

He went to take a step back but was stopped. This time it was her who initiated the kiss.

What started off as gentle, turned into her fisting a handful of his shirt put him closer with his hands wrapped around her waist. The heat that washed over them both, was like a moth to a flame. The passion poured into the kiss from both ends quickly consuming them both. The two fighting for a dominance, it wasn’t until they both harshly pushed against her car setting the alarm off that they snapped out of it.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry wh-“ Y/n’s eyes were wide as she looked around anxiously.

Bucky could sense her panicking.

“y/n-“

“ I am so sorry. That was highly inappropriate of me-“

“Breathe for me doll-“ he reached for her but she pulled her hand away shaking her head vigorously.

“I can’t, we can’t, I have never.” She took a deep breath, her next words still coming out shaky. “I’m so sorry. To take a vantage of you like that-“

“I was the one who-“ he attempted once more to no avail.

“I have to go. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” She rushed out, flinging her door open and getting in the car.

All Bucky could do was watch as she wasted no time peeling out of the parking lot.

That was the last he had seen or heard of her. It had been almost two weeks and she had canceled both his weekly sessions and hadn’t answered any of his calls or returned any of the messages he left both at the office and on her cell phone.

And boy, was he stressed about it.

He had never felt that kind of passion before. To be honest it was something he didn’t think he was capable of feeling. He had been consumed by anger for so long, he wanted to cling onto whatever else, anything else. Bucky would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t feel the chemistry between them. He came to the conclusion he’d been falling for her for a while, and was clearly in denial until that day they spent the day together. It’s not like he was trying to fall for his therapist. But now that he had...Ge had to at least try. Make sure what he was feeling wasn’t one sided.That spark. It was a feeling, a high he had never felt. One he knew he’d forever be chasing and he wanted it again and again and again. So when the third week approached he decided to take matters into his own hands.

A knock her door tore her away from Grey’s Anatomy.

“Coming!”

Pulling her dress down, she went and answered the door.

“Bucky.” She said his name breathlessly.

“Y/n.” He breathed out, happy to be in her presence even though it hurt slightly to hear her suddenly calling him Bucky.

He quite liked when she called him James. He liked the way she said his name.

“What are you-, how.” She tried to control her breathing. “You can’t be here.”

“I need you,” he signed. “To hear me out.”

“Bucky-“

“James.” He corrected her. “Look, I know this totally inappropriate but I-“

James paused taking in her appearance, noticing the purple bruising around her lower right eye above her cheekbone.

“Who?” He questioned through gritted teeth.

“Huh?”

He huffed pushing past her and moving in and around the apartment as if someone would come out and confess. He turned toward her a wild look in his eye.

“Give me. A name, Y/n.”

“James....” she signed.

While he knew she was talking seeing as her lips were moving, It was like he could hear her but he wasn’t hearing her. Bucky couldn’t focus on anything other than a bruise on the side of Y/n’s beautiful face. It had been along time since Bucky had thought of actually hurting somebody, save for John Walker last week which was another story entirely, whoever did this to her face though, he wanted to hurt them bad and he was going to enjoy it. His eyes traveled down toward her lips and he still couldn’t hear her. All he could hear was his fist repeated smashing into said individuals face. Over, and over, over-

“James!”

The sound of her voice finally resonated and he finally focused on her words.

“Come back to me James.” Her voice was gently. Inviting.

Everything he noticed both her hands on the side of his face, her thumb rubbing soothingly.

“It’s fine.” She said slowly removing her hands away as she explained. “There’s no need to hunt anyone down. Just a regular 50150 patient and things got out of hand. It happens.”

“No one should touch you.” He stated with seriousness.

Y/n stared at him for a moment, the right side of her lip pulled between her teeth, eyes pooling with something he hadn’t seen in her before. She shrugged nonchalantly.

“I kind of like it when you touch me.”

Her voice was barely above a whisper but he heard her loud and clear.

Just like before, it started off with light kisses, which soon turned into a bit of teasing, a little lip nipping, before things got extremely heated. Both his shirt had been discarded while the straps of her dress were pulled down revealing her black Savage Fenty bra. They had somehow moved from the living room to the kitchen island. Bucky stood between her legs one hand tangled in her braids while her hands held the sides of her face, gently caressing the stubble. Her legs were wrapped around his middles as she began grinding her hips into him. He pulled her closer, the both of them on a high from the friction. Bucky’s metal hand traveled up her bare back giving her goosebumps. They broke apart for air and as soon as Y/n had enough oxygen in her lungs, she went back to licking, kissing and sucking on his neck.

"Shit, Y/n.” Bucky unconsciously tilted his head back giving her better access, his hands palming her ass as his hips bucked into her.

"James." Y/n pulled back panting, lips swollen. " I want you. Now."

Bucky made quick work of removing her panties that coated in her juices , and in return y/n quickly unbuckled his pants using her feet to aid her in pushing them down.

“Shit.” He groaned immediately as she whimpered slightly at the feel of him sliding into her.

Her arms were wound around his neck while his hand gripped the top of her ass to keep her in place as he begin to slowly thrust in and out of her.

Bucky was on a high. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this level of intimacy. Euphoria. He was sure this feeling should be illegal.

The way she were wrapped around him, he knew if he didn’t take it semi slow he wasn’t going to last.

“James,” she moaned, clawing at his back, walls clenching.

He wasn’t sure what sounded sweeter; her moaning or his name leaving her lips.

“Doll?” He responded, kissing the at the base of her neck.

I’m clos-“ Y/n sucked in a breath of air. “Right there.”

“There?” He asked spreading her ass cheeks apart so he could go deeper.

“Yes! Right there!”

It was a bit sloppy from there as Bucky shifted for a better angle. Her ass halfway off the table as he picked up the pace bit her her closer to the edge. He was bouncing her up and down on his shaft effortlessly. Her arms wrapped right around his neck, kiss sloppy as she bit her lip to keep her moans at bay.

“No,” he breathed out, reaching up with one hand forcing her to kissing him, her moans filling his mouth instead. “I want to hear you.”

“James, I’m-“

“I know.”

The sight of Y/n coming undone before him was a glorious one . He couldn’t wait to make her cum again.

Once she came down from her orgasm, she placed her lips back on his, tightening her legs around him once more. He shifted their position a bit and begin again when suddenly the front door opened and in walked Sam.

“Oh shit!” Bucky pulled out of her and struggled to pull up his pants and turned to shield her half naked frame.

“Sam!” Y/n squealed pulling her dress up to her chest as best she could.

“What in the entire fuck!” Sam screamed while covering his eyes.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” Y/n yelled.

“You told me toy were off!”

“I’m am off!”

“Well I thought I’d bring you dinner! I didn’t know id find this!” Sam said exasperatedly.

Y/n and Bucky were decent informing Sam he no longer had to cover his eyes. Immediately he pointed an accusatory finger at Bucky.

“You! What the fuck did I tell you about my sister?”

Bucky stared at him confused.

“You said not to flirt with your sister.” He repeated Sam’s words. “Sarah’s not..”

He then turned toward Y/n, things finally clicking.

“You’re Sam’s sister.” Bucky concluded.

“Baby sister.” Sam. added.

“I’m grown as hell Samuel!” Y/n fussed.

“Really bruh, my baby sister?!”

“Well how i suppose to know you only refer to her as baby!”

“Once again! I’m grown as fuck-“ she stopped hearing the front door creek open again.

“Who’s that?!” The woman’s eyes were wide with horror as she whispered.

“The boys!” Sam exclaimed in a whisper.

“Why didn’t you say they were here-“ she began frantically washing her hands.

“I’m sorry I was a little fuckin preoccupied with the fact my sister is fucking an assassin-

“Former assassin!” Bucky corrected.

“Hey TT!” Sarah’s boys greeted simultaneously with smiles as they bent the corner.

“Hey my babies!” Y/n instantly put a smile on her face pulling them each into her arms.

“Hey Bucky!” Cass waved

“Hey Bucky!” AJ addressed the solider as well before turning back toward his brother, “Cass , come on.”

“Wait let me put the pizza on the counter-“

“No!” The three adults exclaimed together.

“No boo, I’ll take it.” Y/n smiled again at her nephew taking the pizza.

“why don’t yall go in the living room and get the game set up?” Sam suggested.

“Yes! Let’s take the pizza in there while they bleach the kitchen?” Y/n hinted at the men while telling the kids to follow her.

“Oh yeah! TT, Uncle Sam got us two new video games!”,AJ informed her. “He also said we can watch a scary movie tonight since moms not here.

“Yeah! Andddd, he said we can door dash ice cream!” Cass added as the two kids followed their aunt into the living room.

Though he was silent, throughout the entire interaction but he couldn’t help but want you living room interact with the two kids. Back in the day, if you would’ve asked him if he believed in love at first site he would’ve said no. But he was pretty sure he was in love with Y/n already.

Once out of sight, Bucky took that opportunity to speak after a beat.

“Have I ever told you I’m glad you treat your nephew’s so well, Sam?” He asked after clearing his throat.

Sam sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” Bucky turned to him with a huge grin on his face.

“Cuz I’m gonna give you another one.”

Slowly Sam began to laugh, albeit one full of sarcasm, Bucky joined in sincerely. They laughed together for a moment before Sam ceased, his face expressionless.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah Sam?”

“I’m going to kill you.”

[rwrights]

WE'LL BE OKAY - NAT.

summary : nat and you never got along. reasons still unknown, but it was affecting the whole team. steve assigns you both to a mission, with natasha acting harshly. she said something to you before heading off. she got in your head and the aftermath wasn't so pretty.

contents : angst (??) / fluff

warnings : mentions of blood, guns, bullying, cursing and just occasional marvel fight scenes.

NOT PROOFREAD. a/n : my first fic aaaahhh !! i was inspired by a lot of similar fics like this, but mostly by this WANDA FIC WRITTEN BY @/maximons - i suggest you give it a read BCS ITS SO GOOD ARRGH <3

you don’t know how the feud started between you and natasha. you couldn’t tell if it was because of your age or because you were new.

you had quite an age gap with the former assassin, being a striking 24 years old, but according to the russian - you might as well have been 12 years of age.

unlike most of the avengers, you had a decent childhood. it wasn’t filled with trauma, and death, and basically what some of them unfortunately went through. you grew up in the suburbs with your mum and two older siblings. you got all the toys you wanted and everyone loved you! because of that, you were always polite and cheery - it’s what made people like you. you were funny and usually managed to put a smile on people faces ; usually.

natasha found your positivity irking and unnatural. how could someone be so, happy? she felt as if you were shitting rainbows down her throat, and god, did she hate it. how could someone like you even have the guts to be an avenger?

she enjoyed picking fights with you out of nowhere, and as fun as it was at first - the hostility only progressed and became a disruption to the whole team, including you. you tried your best to really become friends with natasha - or at least be civil with her. but the more effort you made, the worse she treated you. all you wanted to do was make it a little easier for the team, you all have enough crap to put up with and the quarreling between the both of you was definitely not needed.

─── donk.

“nat! y/n! conference room one, now!” steve’s loud voice called out through the speakers placed throughout the compound.

you set your book aside before running down to the conference room as you were told. you walked passed natasha, already giving you a sharp glare from afar. she adjusted her speed and basically ran to where away from you. you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at her as you trailed behind.

you entered the room, greeting everyone politely before sitting down next to wanda, who saved a space for you.

“alright, now that we’re all here..” cap began, walking around the table where you were all sat. “we’ve got a mission for two of you,”

“did you call us here to compete for it? because i am so getting this mission.” natasha stated, pointing at everyone as if she was threatening them. “uh, no.. not exactly. we’ve already assigned the mission to two of you..”

“who?” she asked, wanting to leave the compound immediately and get some action (not the peepee way).

“you and y/n,”

hearing your name, you just froze. you couldn’t help but stare at steve as if he was out of his mind.

“what?!” natasha squeaked. “i’m sorry, but there is no way i’m going with her. it’s probably best if i go on my own!”

“that’s just mean..” you replied quietly, in your seat. you weren’t in the mood to argue, so you tried to contribute as little as possible into this conversation. “cap, if natasha doesn’t want to do the mission with me, i’m totally fine with sitting this one out.”

“oh, don’t suck up and use your y/n reverse psychology on this. it’s not gonna work,” she spat, obviously mad about the whole situation. “nat, i’m being serious. i know how much you’ve been dying to go out, so please. just take it.”

“no, y/n, you’re going with nat. we’ve decided this already.” steve stepped in, trying his best to set his foot down. “steve, i think you know this isn’t going to happen.” natasha glared.

“you either go together or y/n takes someone else.”

“steve! i swear i’m fine!” you argued, seeing how natasha’s ears were practically steaming from anger. “i-”

“no, you know what? fine. enjoy your mission, y/l/n.” she growled as she stormed out of the room. you couldn’t do anything but watch as she slammed the door shut. as much as you wanted to chase after her, you and everyone else in the room knew you’d probably make the situation a thousand times worse for natasha. you sighed and slammed your head on the table in exhaustion.

“we’re sorry, y/n. we thought her need for a mission would make her say yes even with the partnership.” bucky said from the other side of the room. your head shot up almost as quickly as you blinked. “what do you mean?”

“we thought sending you two on a mission together could… make the arguing stop - even by a little.” steve explained, sighing. you laughed at them, did they really think that would work? did they know the obstacles you went through to try to get on her good side? your first few weeks were HELL because of it.

“it’s alright.. clint? what do ya say?”

“always up for a mission, y/l/n.” he smiled, giving you a fistbump.

─── donk.

clint knocked on natasha’s door after the meeting. “nat? it’s me,” he called, nat opening the door a few seconds after.

“can you believe them? they know how much i dislike her and they’d send me on a mission with her? Bozhe mo! (oh my god!)”

“nat, y/n is awesome. it’s been months, it’s getting tiring.”

“oh, please. it took forever to get any of you guys to trust me. doesn’t mean it has to be the same with her.”

“nat, she’s a kid!”

“ugh, don’t say it like that. it makes my thoughts uneasy..” nat replied, mock-gagging. clint glared at her as he playfully shoved her. “you’re so stupid.”

“and oh, i’m going on the mission with her.”

“wait what?! but you’re my best friend, why would you take it!” she exclaimed. “i never say no to a mission, nat. you and i both know that. i thought you did, too.”

“i would’ve taken it, but.. no! i’m not losing this fight.” she huffed as she fell on the bed. “turn the tv on, i need to distract myself.”

he did as he was told and decided to stay and watch with her until dinner.

─── donk.

it was the day of your mission and you were making your way to the hangar. to your surprise, you saw natasha waiting there. you smiled at her only to receive another sharp glare. yeah, what a surprise. you looked away and decided to wait for clint.

not long after he arrived and said his goodbyes to natasha, just as you were going to aboard the ship, she grabbed your wrist and whispered in your ear.

“you’re gonna trip and get yourself shot, y/l/n.”

“what the hell? i’ve barely left and you’re already telling me i’m gonna fuck up?” you retorted, angrily. you weren’t in the right state to panic or stress. especially not before you were leaving. “have fun, y/n.” she smiled, dripping in faux kindness.

you followed clint onto the ship and couldn’t help but shake in fear. great, now you were worried. you didn’t want to fuck up. you weren’t planning to.

“you’ll be okay, y/l/n. i’ve got your back.” clint reassured, seeing the panic clouding on your face.

“thank you..” you mumbled, but natasha’s words never left your head.

─── donk.

“something seems off, clint.” you whispered, looking around and keeping your guard up. “i agree, y/l/n. it’s too quiet.. too easy.” he replied.

just as you were going to reply, someone charged at you from behind, getting a hold of your throat. by instinct, you kicked his shin and flipped him around. “clint!” you called out as you knocked your attacker out.

suddenly, groups of people were coming towards you - fully armed. “clint!” you screamed, pulling your gun out and shooting as many of them as you could. “shit!”

“y/n, it’s a trap!” clint finally replied, making you roll your eyes as you threw your fist at a guy’s temple. “yes, clint, i’m aware!”

“keep your guard up, y/l/n. you can do this!”

“there’s-” kick. “too many-” elbow. “of them!” shoot.

“try to hold out for as long as possible! i’m on my way,”

you looked up to see more men charging at you. “ah fuck,”

you grabbed one of the guns from the guys you managed to knock out and aimed. “clint, i can shoot right?” you asked for permission, not knowing if you were supposed to kill them or just simply knock them out.

“yes, y/n. you can shoot.”

“thank you!”

you silently thanked god for the gun you chose and started shooting at the guards. you quickly threw it away as they ran out of bullets and grabbed two pistols and continued to run and shoot away.

as you focused on getting a certain guard, one of them slid under you, quite literally slipping you off your feet - probably making you twist your ankle, giving one of them an opportunity to get a clean shot of your thigh.

the bullet went through your thigh, making you scream in pain. “fuck!” you shot back at him immediately and slid up onto the wall.

well great, another thing natasha was right about.

“y/n?!” clint called, hearing you scream. the worry in his voice was evident, it managed to make you smile for a second until you dodged another bullet.

“i’m okay!”

no, you weren’t. you could barely stand with your fucked up ankle and the hole in your thigh, but you continued to shoot and fight.

“just.. hurry up, please!”

you used your bad leg to kick a guy down and use him as a ledge. you cursed as you ran out of bullets. there were guns scattered across the floor, thanks to you. you just grabbed the nearest ones and looked back up.

as quickly as you did, a shot went through your shoulder and your abdomen. “gah fuck!” you collapsed on the floor as you tried to control the bleeding. you got up for a second to shoot back at the closest people and went back down. “clint, hurry up!” the pain was too much, the bleeding wouldn’t stop and your ankle looked like a fucking bean. you started to get nauseous, but tried your best to stay up.

“i’m here!” he yelled as he aimed at a few people in front of him. he ran towards you, finally seeing your state. “oh my god!” he kneeled down, putting pressure on your wounds to help with the bleeding, but the blood just kept seeping through “you just said you were okay, idiot!”

“i know, i didn’t want to worry you..” you mumbled. “no, no! y/n, you have to stay awake. come on!” he picked you up and started running away to go back to the ship. “you’re okay, y/n. tell me you’re okay right now.”

“i’m okay.. i’m okay, clint.”

“yeah, yeah, you are.”

you tried making it to the ship, but you were already so tired. “i’m gonna nap, clint..” you said before passing out.

─── donk.

clint alerted steve about you right when you passed out. they were rushing you out to the med bay to perform surgery on your injuries.

“she told me she was okay, steve. i thought she was okay!” clint screamed, he blamed himself for what happened to you. only if he arrived a few seconds before. you wouldn’t have been in the situation you’re in now.

“no, no. this isn’t your fault. neither is it hers, it happens, okay? we put ourselves at risk every time we step out of here. y/n was brave, alright?

wanda rushed down to the medbay, reaching for the door before pulling her back. “wanda, we have to let dr cho do her job right now. she’ll be okay.. y/n will be okay.”

she cried into steve’s shoulder - her best friend was being operated on. you were being operated on! the thought of you getting hurt never crossed her mind because she knew you were strong.

the team soon heard about the incident and let their worries out, obviously caring about you. natasha was confused about the whole hassle.

“vision!” she called out. he turned around and walked towards natasha. “how may i help you?”

“what’s the hassle about? everyone keeps whispering,”

“mr barton and ms y/l/n have returned from their mission, but ms y/l/n has suffered some major injuries and has been in surgery for about an hour now-”

hearing that, she sped to the medbay, thanking vision quickly. she saw wanda, steve and clint waiting around. “no, no, where is she?!” she yelled, making the three of them look at her in shock. “she’s still in-”

she tried running into the room like wanda did, getting pulled back by steve. “natasha, we have to let dr. cho do her job.”

“i need to see her!” she exclaimed, not being able to breathe. “what happened to her? what major injuries?!” she demanded.

“broken ankle, shot through her thigh, shoulder and abdomen..” clint recited, looking down at his feet. “where were you!? how could you let this happen?!” she roared, genuinely shocking them.

why did she suddenly care about you? well, yes, you suffered major injuries, but why was she getting mad?

“natasha! enough!” steve scolded. “this isn’t clint’s fault, and you know it.” he said, sternly. she didn’t reply as she panted. wanda held her hand as support, needing it for herself as well.

─── donk.

an hour later, dr. cho finally walked out of the room. everyone stood up in eagerness.

“is she okay?” steve asked, immediately.

“y/n suffered major blood loss, but we are lucky none of the three bullets hit any major arteries. she has also quite definitely broken her ankle, so i’m putting her on bedrest for at least 6 weeks until you get her up and going again.”

“main point, yes. y/n is okay.”

a smile broke out in all of their faces. “thank you, doc!”

“you may see her now, but she hasn’t woken up yet. don’t be too loud.”

they all walked into your room and stood beside your bed. “she looks so peaceful,”

“she definitely looks better right now than earlier,” clint joked, earning a soft laugh from the three of them. they stood by you for a while until natasha spoke up.

“um.. could- could i be the one who stays with her until she wakes up?”

they looked at the red head in surprise, “are you sure, nat?” steve asked.

“yeah.. i just want to be here.”

“alright,” they smiled softly at her before leaving.

she held your hand and stayed with you, waiting for you to wake up. it took for a while so she managed to fall asleep, holding your hand.

you slowly started coming back, groaning from the late pain you experienced. natasha jumped in shock and saw that you were awake.

“you’re awake!” she whispered, making you turn to her. “natasha? what’s happening?”

“you passed out during your mission. i know i told you you’d slip and get shot.. but i didn’t actually mean slip and get shot, idiot!” she scolded, flicking your forehead. “gah! it was an accident, i was doing fine,”

“no, you have three holes in your body. and not the good ones,”

“nat??” you replied, shocked. “did you just joke around with me?”

“no..”

“you’re holding my hand.. what did they bribe you with?” you asked, quickly getting suspicious. you tried pulling your hand away, but she only held onto you tighter. “nothing! i.. i volunteered. ask steve and wanda! and clint!” she replied, defending herself quickly.

“well, if you volunteered.. what do you want from me? i’m not gonna be leaving the compound for at least 2 months, so you can have all my missions-”

“no, y/n. truthfully, i just really want to apologize.”

“huh”

“i know i’ve made your first few weeks really hard and even after being here for months, i still managed to.. you know.. make it hard for you. in full honesty, i genuinely don’t know why i’ve been so horrible to you. i had a hard time opening up to people - and.. you were just so welcoming and i got scared. not an excuse for my actions, by the way! i was horrible and i’m so sorry.”

“thank you for your apology, i forgive you, nat.” you smiled, squeezing her hand. “i also.. have feelings for you.” natasha added, avoiding eye-contact with you. “you whAT?!”

“i-”

“i like you too! but are- are you serious?”

“yes, y/n… i like you. guess that’s why i was so defensive about.. literally everything.”

“nat.. thank you. for opening up to me. it genuinely means so much - especially after all this fucking time, you asshole.”

“are we okay now?” she asked, hopeful.

“yes, nat. we’re okay.”

[bestofbucky]

Run To You - 1

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Mob AU. Bucky Barnes hires you to be his bodyguard.

Warnings: None

A/N: This is going to be a series so comment or send an ask if you want to be tagged in it! 18+ Only please. Hope you enjoy

From this prompt list by @caplanbuckybarnes . Prompts are in bold.

Divider and gif made by me.

Series Masterlist

Your fingers work quickly, manipulating the fabric. Around, over, through. Tying a tie is still second nature, you don’t even have to think about what your hands are doing. You do up the button of the jacket and brush yourself off, straightening out any little creases.

Looking at the woman in the mirror you sigh. You haven’t seen yourself like this for three years. You had sworn off suits for all eternity yet here you are, putting one on again.

You felt torn, your mind telling you getting back into being a bodyguard would just open the floodgates but your heart couldn’t let it go. You loved the adrenaline that came with it, the ability to focus solely on the protection of someone rather than the struggles life and the shit it throws at you. You told yourself you had to at least take the interview, you owed it to Sam.

You met Sam two years ago, when you attended a group therapy session at the VA. You hadn’t wanted to go but after your first session you found yourself going back. You never spoke but your military and personal security past gave you plenty of trauma to relate to the people who did share their stories. Then one session Sam had approached you and you very quickly bonded.

You went from seeing each other once a week in the sessions, to seeing each other almost every day. Movie nights, cooking for each other and talking out of your asses became routine. You were in a dark place in your life when you met Sam but his friendship quickly became a very strong reason for you to continue enduring life.

You chuckled to yourself remembering the shock you felt when he told you he was not only part of a mob, he was one of the mob boss’ second hand men. He told you stories of the two other men at the top of the pack. Bucky, the leader, gets on Sam’s nerves a lot but deep down they really care for each other and Steve, the other second hand man and according to Sam ‘even more of an idiot than Bucky’. The way he talked about them made it sound like they were just really good friends, basically family, not dangerous criminals.

Taking a deep breath you take one last look in the mirror and head to the address Sam had given you. The journey was quick and before you knew it you were sat in the lobby of a very fancy building waiting for Sam to come and get you.

After a brief catch up, Sam guides you to Bucky’s office, giving you a thumbs up before closing the door behind you leaving the two of you alone. Bucky doesn’t look up from whatever work he is doing. You wait but this goes on past the point of being rude.

“Sir?” His head snaps up at your voice, eyes trailing up and down your body not being subtle at all. He scoffs and goes back to his work.

“Excuse me? I’m here for the bodyguard interview?” You don’t have the patience to go along with whatever game he is playing.

“Interview? You’re mistaken. Sam told me to take this appointment so you can pitch me the idea of having a bodyguard. Personally, I don’t think I need one.” He says bluntly still focused on his work.

You laugh out loud but quickly stop yourself when you catch the death glare he gives you.

“Something funny?” He scowls, clearly not happy with the dynamics in the room.

“Yeah, the fact you think you don’t need a bodyguard.” You say frankly.

“I’ve survived this long without a bodyguard. What makes you assume I need one now?” He smirks thinking he caught you off guard.

“Since the time I entered this building I have already found five simple ways to kill you and not get caught.” You cross your arms over your body not letting him intimidate you.

“Ok, you have my attention. Name them.” He challenges leaning back in his chair.

“One, the building over there,” you point out the window and he turns to look, “someone could take you out with a sniper and you’d have a bullet in your head before you could blink. Two, you only have one entrance and exit to the parking garage, someone could easily tail you and cause a little accident.” His calm and collected demeanour starts to fade as he realises the truth behind your words so you continue. “Your packages aren’t checked, anyone could mail anything to you and as soon as you open it, it could explode or release a toxic gas, dead in seconds. The roof of this building is close enough to the one next door, someone could sneak in from there and you have no guards there to stop them.” You stop talking as he stands up chuckling to himself.

Buttoning his suit jacket he crosses the room to you. He is a lot taller than he looked from being sat behind the desk. You can see his bulging muscles even from under his suit and you can’t help but wonder what he looks like underneath his clothes.

You notice one of his hands looks like he is wearing a black glove but when he walks across the window it catches the light in a way a glove wouldn’t. You realise it's probably a metal prosthetic, drawing your eyes away from his arm you focus on his face. His sharp cheekbones act as an arrow directing your eyes to his lips.

“That’s only four.” He smirks down at you, his body is close enough for you to smell his cologne but you don’t let his attractiveness throw you. Pulling a knife out of a hidden holster in your suit you hold it up, the blade reflecting the light.

“Five, me. Your guards aren’t very thorough with their weapon search.” You wink at him as you see his eyebrow twitch slightly and the smirk disappear from his face. He takes a few steps backwards and leans on his desk.

“I’d like to see you try to kill me with that.” He is smiling but the slight crease in between his brows, the small amount of sweat on his forehead and the minuscule increase in breathing tells you he has been caught off guard.

“Don’t underestimate me.” Your eyes meet his, neither one of you willing to stand down. You’re not sure how much longer it is when he finally clears his throat and you both look away from each other.

“Fine. You’re hired, but you’re on a probationary period. I can and will fire you if you give me a reason to.” He narrows his eyes at you. You simply nod in response. “I need to finish up here then I will take you to our main base.”

Next Part

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