#steve trying to distinguish between steve rogers and captain america

[trashmenofmarvel]

Branded - Chapter 37

Pairing: Demon!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Time runs out.

(This is a fan AU of Falling’s Just Another Way to Fly by araniaart​ . Please check out this incredible series for all of your demon Bucky needs.)

Chapter Warnings: Heavy angst, whump, grief

AO3

Acceptance finally came, but brought with it no relief.

The hours ticked by, each one stealing another moment less you had with Bucky. It was like waiting on death row, but there would be no stay of execution. You were really going to lose him.

That thought was almost as terrifying as the reality that you would be cut off from him. You’d gotten so used to the bond you didn’t know what life would be like without it. Worst of all, you had no guarantee you’d feel the same about Bucky after the link was severed.

Would you still feel the same way about him? Would you still love him? And if you didn’t, was it even love in the first place?

No clock, not even the magical ones that surely existed in this placed, granted you mercy and slowed their procession. All you could do was hold onto Bucky, stroke his demonic arm and his wings, touch him and kiss him and remind yourself he was still here, right here, and he wasn’t gone yet.

As much as you wanted otherwise, you kept your clothes on and kept the touching innocent, even if your kisses grew more heated and desperate. He didn’t want to go, you realized from how tightly he clung to you in return. He didn’t want to leave you in the slightest. You didn’t know if that made it better or worse.

The sun rose and neither of you bothered to get out of bed. You had nowhere else you wanted to be. Monster had dry food that would last him for days, along with a pet drinking fountain. Your mom would start to worry from your lack of texts, but she’d survive. You weren’t so sure about yourself.

When Bucky spoke, his voice was hoarse from disuse, and you were half-asleep curled in his arms.

“I’m giving you the keys to my place.”

You blinked open your eyes, frowning and wondering if you’d heard right.

“What?”

“I want you to stay there.” He brushed his thumb across the side of your jaw, lips touching your hair. “I know it’s a big place, but at least you won’t have to pay rent. It’s a good location, great view, and you’ll be safe. Strange has anti-dark magic wards all over the place. Apparently, it keeps beings with ill-intent from being able to step over the threshold. I’m sure your little monster will love it.”

He spoke your name in a soft question when his words were met with silence. You shook your head and gripped his jacket tightly again. Why did he have to make this so difficult by being so damn perfect?

“I’m just…” You sniffed and swallowed. “I’m just going to house-sit for you until… until Strange finds a better solution.”

Bucky said your name again.

“And then you’ll be back and everything will be, will be the same. Waiting for you. Because you’re coming back.” You fought to control the quivering of your voice, made no easier by his gentle touches. “I have to believe that, Bucky. I have to have hope, or I can’t… I can’t make it through this.”

“You will,” he reassured you with a squeeze. “You’re so damn strong and you’re going to be fine, no matter what happens.”

You were quiet for a moment, and eventually asked in a small voice, “What am I going to tell Mom?”

Bucky didn’t have an answer. It was probably for the best, because your heart was breaking all over again, and you cried into his arms until you didn’t have any tears left to shed.

It was noon before the two of you got out of bed. You hadn’t slept at all except for a moment or two of light dozing. Bucky insisted you eat something. A tray of food had appeared, you didn’t know from where, and you managed to stomach some crackers and pieces of fruit. You did it more to ease Bucky’s worries and to get him to eat too.

Before the appointed hour of doom, you sought out Strange for that stay-of-execution yourself. You pled with Wong to grant you an audience with Strange, and when he prepared to shoot you down, you said, “I spoke to the Ancient One.”

It was all you had to say. You’d expected Wong to treat you like you were delusional, but his expression grew serious as he looked between you and Bucky, and finally said, “Come with me. Now. Not you, Barnes. Just her.”

Bucky grimaced, but you gave him a weak smile.

“Back before you know it.”

He eyed your smile doubtfully; Bucky knew the reason you wanted to speak to Strange, but that wasn’t going to deter you from doing everything in your power to change their minds.

You told Strange everything about the memory. About witnessing the Winter Soldier’s death, about joining and interacting with him in the memory of the demon realm, and finally, of passively watching everything that came after. Only when the Ancient One had noticed your presence that you could finally distinguish between your consciousness and Bucky’s.

Your hope was that Strange would see just how intertwined you and Bucky were, and that freezing Bucky was a cruel idea.

Unfortunately, he seemed to come to the opposite conclusion.

“Sergeant Barnes should have come to me as soon as he broke his oath,” Strange said, fingers steepled from where he sat behind his desk. “He could have easily killed you, or worse, caused you to lose yourself. It’s apparent this bond goes far deeper than it should, and it is a danger to your wellbeing.”

“But,” you stammered, digging your fingers into the hem of your sweater, “the Ancient One helped Bucky. She trusted him. She knew he wasn’t—“

“Dangerous?” Strange interrupted, brow raised. “Of course she did. It was why she made the bargain to begin with: freedom without feeding. The cryo-chamber is not a punishment; Barnes cannot deny his nature any more than a shark sensing blood in the water. He’s driven by deep instinctual urges that he can’t control, not while he’s bonded to you. If he were a free demon, that would be one thing. The formula would work and he could live without feeding, or if you both decided, the feeding could be consensual. But since this pact was formed, even unintentionally, the bond between you is irresistible and deadly.”

Strange rose to his feet, rearranging his cape.

“This is for his sake as much as it’s for yours.”

“And what if you’re wrong!” you cried, panic clawing at your throat. “What if the Ancient One was talking about this moment when she said I had to make a choice! A choice that would affect us both!”

Strange shook his head as he rounded his desk to face you.

“Whatever she saw, whatever her reasons for giving you that bit of advice? It doesn’t apply to this moment simply because you wish it to. And besides, she said it would be your choice. The decision to put Barnes into stasis is mine, not yours. You have no control in this matter, so I doubt that’s what she was referring to.”

“But—“ You tried again, but he raised a hand and you fell silent. His expression was not unkind, and that was perhaps the worst thing of all. He really did believe he was helping you and Bucky.

“We will, of course, look for unexplored avenues of binding magic. There’s no guarantee we will find an answer, and if we do, it could take years. You should prepare yourself for the possibility that this is the best we can do.” Strange met your eye and his face softened. “I truly am sorry.”

That was it, then. There was no hope. You were numb again when you returned to Bucky. He wasn’t alone.

“Hi.”

One of the most recognizable and famous people on the planet extended his hand to shake yours. Old-fashioned manners died hard, you supposed.

“I’m Steve,” he said, his smile reserved but charming.

It was a true testament to your mental state that you didn’t even blink. Shaking hands with Captain America did very little to break you out of your numb distress.

“I’m sorry you two have to meet like this,” Bucky said, shuffling slightly on his feet. “You both deserve better.”

“Don’t worry about it, Buck.” The tall, blond man clapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I’m just glad you reached out to me. I wished we had more time to talk, to catch up, but… it’s more than I had before.”

It seemed Steve Rogers had gotten used to living in the future; he was wearing fairly ordinary jeans, boots, and a riding jacket. He looked even more gallant and heroic than in the videos.

And still, you stared at him with all the personality of a rock. Bucky noticed.

“Hey, Steve. Give us a minute, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Rogers gave you a small, almost shy smile before ducking out of the room. Even through your numbness, you could acknowledge how weird this was. Bucky contacting his best-friend-slash-previous-boyfriend so that he could check in on his current-girlfriend-slash-human-slave while he was put in a fridge.

It would have been really funny if not for the horrifying fact you only had two hours left.

Bucky was about to speak, but whatever it was died on his lips as you launched forward and wrapped your arms around his middle, burying your face in his shoulder.

He returned the gesture, lightly rubbing your back.

“I appreciate you trying, sweetheart, but… this is for the best.”

“It’s not,” you said, sniffling into his jacket. “It’s a mistake, and I’m the only one who sees it.”

Bucky said nothing but he did continue to stroke your back. Maybe there was some part of him that agreed with you, that didn’t want to leave.

When you asked him that very question, Bucky pulled back and said, “Of course I don’t want to leave.”

You bit your lip to keep from barking out then don’t! Instead, you said, “Will you stay with me until…”

“Yeah,” he said, quiet. “Yeah, of course.”

Bucky left for only a few minutes to talk to Rogers, telling him what you had no idea, and then he returned to find you moping on the couch. He picked you up and sat down, sitting you in his lap and wrapping his arms tight around you. Resting your head on his shoulder, you curled up in his limbs as much as possible, happy when he dropped his guise. He’d kept it up when Steve had been present. You could guess why, and it made your heart ache to know Bucky still had so much shame over what he was.

It was silent between you; there wasn’t anything left to say that couldn’t be expressed in the small, desperate, meaningful touches. Two hours had never gone by so quickly.

Bucky led you through the hallways, and the warm, ruddy decorations had never felt so cold and distant. Rogers was waiting outside a closed door, one that looked vaguely familiar. And it should. This was the room where Davin had been freed of the heigore.

The stone altar was gone, and in its place, a massive sarcophagus-like object. It stood open, tendrils of fog curling from its glowing interior as Strange, Wong, and several other sorcerers stood around it.

You wanted to grab Bucky and drag him out of there, away from such an evil-looking instrument. They were going to put him in that thing? It looked like a stone coffin, or an Iron Maiden, or any number of torture devices.

But you didn’t do any of those things. This was hard enough for Bucky, unimaginably so, and you weren’t going to make it more difficult by causing a scene.

Instead, you squeezed his hand and clung to his outstretched fingers until the two sorcerers that now reminded you of prison guards led him away to the thing that would trap him inside.

You hadn’t even said goodbye. You’d thought your actions over the past few hours had been enough to convey what you felt, but what if it wasn’t? What if Bucky was frozen without ever knowing what he meant to you?

You took a step forward, but a large hand clamped down on your shoulder. It wasn’t harsh but it was firm, and it pulled you back a step. You glared over your shoulder, and Rogers gave you a pitying look.

You almost shook him off, suddenly angry at the Avenger, but you let the hand stay where it was, turning back to Bucky with your heart in your throat. He was turned around now, facing you as the sorcerers helped him step back into the shadow of the chamber. He hadn’t had a choice about keeping his guise down today, and his wings were tucked into the shell on his back as his tail wrapped tightly around his leg.

The heavy iron door closed with a finality that stopped your heart. Pneumatic hisses and an intensified humming filled the room.

You could see Bucky’s face through the oval window of the door. White fog blew from his mouth, steaming up the glass, but it didn’t cover up the fact he was scared. It was in the widening of his eyes and the quick pace of his breathing. Too fast and shallow.

You tried to take another step forward, but Rogers wouldn’t let you. You wanted to jerk away, scream at him to do something! That was his best friend in there and Rogers was an Avenger, for fuck’s sake! Couldn’t he stop this?!

But Rogers only stared at the iron coffin that held Bucky, his expression pained, even if he did hide it well behind a stern mask.

Strange stepped forward, expression equally somber. He drew his palm in a circle in the air, and a series of concentric glowing circles appeared on the side of the chamber. He tapped them with his fingers, almost as if he were working a machine panel.

All at once, the window went almost completely opaque as it was covered with ice, and at the same moment, agony shot through your chest like a freezing steel blade.

Doubling over, unable to draw air, you would have collapsed if not for Roger’s arms around your waist. The sound escaping you didn’t sound human. It was a wounded animal, dying in agony.

Your veins were fire and your lungs filled with ice. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, someone was squeezing your heart in their fist, and with a vicious wrench, tore it out.

Even as Rogers pulled you back out of the room, as the sorcerers surged forward with concerned expressions, you clawed weakly at the air, reaching out for the machine where your heart was contained, and was forced to leave it behind.

Next Chapter

[valkyriesryde]

Vigilante

Part Two to Shut Up

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Mutant Fem!Reader

Summary: Rumours of a vigilante that stands of neither side of good or bad spread. The devil punishes whomever she pleases and she’s made quite a name for herself. But who is she really?

2.5kish general warning for fear mongering and swearing i guess? but its really not that bad imo

A/N: Yeaaa Idk guys, this might just be a two parter, I kind of like the open ending but if you’d like to see more of have any ideas of where you might want this to go then let me know! Otherwise I’m pretty happy with how this turned out!

Three months. Solid grades. Improvement all around. Graduated from the academy. And yet…

A desk job. Stuck at the fucking desk while everyone else is out there.

“You’re not equipped for field work…”

“You’re more useful behind the scenes…”

Fuck em all.

It took two weeks behind that desk for you to hand in your resignation. You told them you’d rather work security, that this isn’t what you thought it was going to be. Which, I mean, it wasn’t a complete lie. You thought working for SHIELD, working for the Avengers, was going to be action, saving the world, missions that you’d work your butt off for. But all you got was pushing papers and organising intel for field agents with no promise of becoming one yourself and none of them even showed any sort of gratitude for the work you did do.

She’ll never get anything better than this

You’d heard your boss think to himself when you handed in your resignation.

You smirked and shook your head as you thought about the interaction a year and a half on. He was right, you’d never get anything better than SHIELD, so why not make it for yourself.

Why not make your own path. Why not stop sitting around and trying to find something that fits what you’re after and instead go out and get it yourself.

One has a lot of free time when they have no job and are able to live off of their savings and contract work. In that free time one has the perfect opportunity to practice and perfect their skills and in some cases, like yours, powers. It’s amazing what you’re able to do when you put in the hard work. It’s amazing what sort of reputation you can build for yourself when you put yourself out there.

A reputation to be reckoned with, and nobody even knew who you were.

Many referred to you as a ghost.

You haunted the hallways of the abandoned fortresses. You whispered in the ears of those you hunted and told them their worst fears. You made them run and cower as you walked silently in the shadows after them. Without even lifting a finger you had even the likes of Hydra handing themselves in. You were a feared vigilante.

But the world didn’t like vigilantes. In fact, they were quite against them. SHIELD especially made an effort to either recruit or put a stop to any vigilantes they could find. They’d tried for months to get their hands on you, but you were always one step ahead of them. They thought you were like Scarlet Witch at first, seeking revenge on Hydra and those who had done you wrong until they found no pattern or relation between the victims driven mad by your torment. Then they thought you just had similar powers to her but that didn’t explain your method of actions, you didn’t have the same manipulating powers as her, you spoke into the minds of your victims, you read their thoughts and you picked out what they feared most and whispered it in their ear without getting near them, without even being seen.

When those who faced you were questioned they were already driven mad, screaming for help, yelling about the ghost.

“It’s the voice of the devil,” one had muttered warily to Captain America when asked what you sounded like. “Lucifer is here and she’s punishing us all!”

“Isn’t Lucifer typically male?” The agent sitting across from the man asked. Steve Rogers leaned against the wall watching the man twitch and his eyes dart around him.

“You’re wrong, it’s her it has to be. She promised I’d pay for my sins, she knew all my fears - she knew everything! I didn’t even see her but her voice, you can’t mistake it…” he kept muttering and Steve stood straight, his interest piquing, “Lucifer walks the earth.”

Lucifer

That’s what they called you now. The devil. It went round and round the rumour mill between all agencies, good and bad. ‘The devil walked the earth’ they said, ‘she takes no prisoners’ they said. And when the lights went dark in the warehouse, the agents knew exactly what was coming and the extremists buying their weapons had no idea.

“Not now,” one of the agents whimpered, you recognised his voice from your past, back in training and the corners of your mouth twitched up.

Hello Connor, you whispered in his ear from the rafters, throwing stars in your hand. What do we have here?

“No no GET OUT!” He yelled and held his head in his hands, the lights flickered as he fell to the ground crying out for you to spare him.

“Whats happening?!” One of the extremists said, his gun ready to fire at will but he wasn’t quick enough before a throwing star pierced his hand and the weapon dropped to the floor.

What would your little sister think of your actions, you asked him.

She has to have a limit of range? You heard suddenly. They must be within ten metres for you to unwillingly hear their thoughts. Another familiar voice, Falcon.

Are you here to steal my prey birdy? You asked him and heard his footing slip slightling in the rafters to your left in surprise.

Who’s to say you’re not the prey I’m here for? He said back and you could hear the smirk in his voice. Not so quickly you thought to yourself.

We’re on the same team you and I.

“Steve, she’s here.”

Your movement stopped as you neared the edge of the ceiling and looked down, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes had the extremists in handcuffs while the other two agents stood nearby with their weapons still held ready in their hands. If this was staged they would have the place surrounded, or at least all exits taken care of. For a second you thought about sneaking into Bucky’s head but that man had had enough people in his head, you felt for him, he didn’t deserve another. Then you thought maybe Steve’s to convince him you were one of the same. But what are the off chances he recognised your voice? Sam had never heard you talk, even if he had overheard you it’s unlikely he would put two and two together.

“Lucifer are you here?” Steve called out.

You were stuck. You were face to face with the personification of the institute that dismissed you. These were the leaders of the organisation that had told you you weren’t good enough. This was the man that pushed you to be better completely out of spite. 

“You’re my creator,” you whispered under your breath and an idea came to mind.

Quickly and quietly you moved further away from Sam, he dropped to the floor beside Steve a second later and you kept eyes on the group as they stood back to back in the middle of the warehouse.

I’m Lucifer am I? You whispered into their minds and all five men were on instant alert. I’m the devil you say? I guess that’s somewhat fitting isn’t it. The punisher of sinners. There’s just so many sinners that walk this plane aren’t there. You know all about that don’t you war heroes. Bucky and Steve peered to each other nervously.

You’ve seen enough sinners to last several lifetimes. You continued moving around them above their heads until you stood facing Bucky. You’ve been them. You whispered in his ear and Bucky understood how your voice had driven people insane before.

“Ignore her Bucky,” Sam said through gritted teeth, his wings stretched.

You’re all guilty for something, aren’t you Falcon. You were in his head now, watching his friend fall to his death as you relayed the image and he screwed his eyes shut to try and push it away. We all have our demons. It was Steve’s turn, his mind was strong but there were so many images to choose from.

Bucky falling from the train, he adjusted his stance.

Being beaten in a back alley, his breathing shallowed.

His mother on her deathbed. “Ignore it Steve.” Bucky told him.

Some make us stronger, you stood directly above them, it was as if you were standing right behind him, the way your voice crept up the back of his neck. But they still hurt.

Steve’s eyes screwed shut now as you showed him dark blue eyes with smudged black soot around them staring at him as if he were a stranger. Red lipstick that quivered and sobbed. Ginger hair and a sharp jaw smeared in blood falling to the ground. Over and over, the eyes, the distinguishing features of all those he held so dear at their worst where he couldn’t protect them. You went through them all, you found them so easily he kept them with him always in his mind until you stopped suddenly and Steve gasped as he stepped back at the last image he saw.

A blue mat. Black sneakers, with tights to match circling it. Shaking hands, a bell rang then nothing. Familiarity ran through you as you stood straight above them.

“STEVE?!”

It’s you. He said trying to find you as he spun around but you stayed as still as humanly possible.

“Steve what the hell did she do to you!?” Bucky smacked his chest.

“Take these guys and get out of here.” Steve told him with no further explanation as he stepped between the rows and piles of crates.

“I’m not leaving you here,” Bucky bit back.

“That’s an order, I know who it is and we won’t get her unless you all leave right now.”

I know it’s you.

You needed to leave. You needed to get out, he can’t find you. Exits, there wasn’t an easy exit and if they were leaving now that makes you leaving even harder.

The four men followed Steve’s direction, though begrudgingly, and took the two prisoners with them. You heard the car drive off, watched the lights through the window disappear and then it was just the two of you.

“I wondered what you had gotten up to after you left SHIELD you know?” Steve called out, he continued weaving through the crates around the warehouse and you followed him along the beaming. “I even tried looking you up to see, but I couldn’t find you. I suppose I should have been suspicious of that, it was like you just disappeared but I didn’t think much of it. I thought maybe you’d just moved away, it’s not uncommon.”

Why was he talking to you like this? Why did he care?

“I was really rooting for you, when I saw you didn’t become a field agent I was a little disappointed, I thought you would have and if not in that round of selection at least the next one. But you did have some things you needed to work on I guess,” he chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. “I guess you worked on your powers though, they must have needed the extra attention. Well done, you’ve come a long way from just hearing people’s thoughts.”

He disappeared behind a crate for a second before he came back into view on the other side. You wondered if he had a plan of any sort but you knew his reputation, he could easily come up with one on the spot if he needed to.

“What about your combat skills? Did you work on them?”

He was baiting you, urging you to come out from your hiding and prove to him how far you’d come because you’d done it once before.

I don’t owe you that.

You almost shouted it at him but that would give away your position and you weren’t about to give the super soldier the upper hand.

“You don’t owe me anything. I owe you.”

Your steps stopped as he did and he looked at the ground ahead of him and sighed.

“I owe you an apology. I pushed you too hard, myself and the others, we didn’t give you the attention you needed or deserved. I wanted so badly to see you after the exams, I wanted to ask you to have coffee with me, I wanted to help you, to learn more about you. I didn’t think you’d welcome me, so I didn’t go looking for you until a month after you’d already left. That’s how I found out. Connor laughed when I asked him where you were, he said you’d quit, that you couldn’t handle it. I knew that wasn’t the case, you wouldn’t just quit.”

You don’t know me like you think I do.

“I do.” Steve looked up at the beams but you were two steps behind him, there was no way he could see you. “Because I was you.”

Then you know why I won’t be joining you any time soon Captain America.

The window slammed shut behind you and Steve made a move as he scaled the crates into the beaming to find nothing but dust and spider webs and an unlocked window.

Stay true to yourself.

You heard his voice as you jumped from the edge of the roof to the next building and made a run for it. Tears brimmed your eyes but you couldn’t let that slow you down as you kept running from the warehouse, from Steve.

There’s a difference between a vigilante and a hero.

A hero is someone who is admired, they have a list of achievements and people look up to them, want to be them. They work with law enforcement, they strive for greatness.

A vigilante is self-appointed. They refuse to work with law enforcement, they are feared, and hunted. They are not welcome on the streets by those that try to control it. But often they are called for by the people because those who have sworn to protect them have failed the populace.

You didn’t categorise yourself as either. You were neither admired nor wanted by either groups you worked for and against. The people didn’t know about you, the establishment hunted you.

Thanks to the Avengers, to SHIELD and to Captain America, you were something different. You were the devil in the shadows.

Permanent Taglist [30/50]: @witch-of-letters @buckysmischief @marvelsangels @momobaby227@weirdlyokaywithit @disgustangg @bucky-blogs @geeksareunique @stuckonjbbarnes @victorianvampirebf@mushyjellybeans @lovesmesomehiddles @this-kitten-is-smitten @itsunclebucky @kitkatd7 @lokisironthrone@supraveng @thinkoutsidethebex @binkysteebnpewter @starbxcks @agent-barnes40@theannoyingnightmarecollector @starkerhowlter @fckdeusername @laneygthememequeen @thefridgeismybestie@wonderlandfandomkingdom @aikeia @laneygthememequeen @adriannajackson​

And those that asked for Part 2′s or who i think might be interested: @avengersbabe13​ @farfromjustordinary​ @gothglamonenightstand​ @sourpatchspinster​ @idk123906​ @dottirose​

[nastybuckybarnes]

Bad Dream  -  Eight

Pairing: Dark!Steve X Reader

Summary: A year after wiping your memory and keeping you for himself, Steve Rogers is happy. Happier than he’s ever been. With you and your daughter, life couldn’t be any better. The only problem? You’re starting to remember things.

Warnings: Angst, Language

Word Count: 1.5K

A/n: I might be posting this a little less (I hardly post it as it is) just cause it’s such a hard mindset to be in while writing this. So for my mental health I’m gonna be taking some breaks from my dark fics and finishing up my other wips

!!!THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!!!

MADNESS MASTERLIST EDITED POORLY! BAD DREAM MASTERLIST

~*~

"This isn’t right, Buck. You know it’s not right. The way he’s been treating her... we have to do something.” The brunet shakes his head, sighing heavily. “He treated her well before she started remembering. I think we just need to wipe her again.”

Natasha groans, glaring at her partner. “And how often are we supposed to wipe her?! Is it gonna become an annual thing? Kinda like a birthday party? No! That’s expensive, it takes time, and it’s damaging. Every time you go in there and erase her memories, you’re fucking with parts of her brain that you don’t understand. You have no business doing that.” Bucky shakes his head again and stands up, heading down the stairs and opening the door.

You’re curled up in a ball on your side, eyes terrified and hopeless, Steve sits across from you, Sarah in his arms.

“Steve.” The brunet nods to the stairs and his friend sighs, standing up and following him out of the room, leaving you alone on the ground again.

“Pal, I think you and I need to have a talk, a real long talk. You know what I went through, how Fury... got me someone to help ground me. It wasn’t good but it worked. This? This isn’t good and it’s not working. We need to talk about this.” He hands Sarah to Natasha and follows his friend out of the cabin to give themselves some privacy.

Sarah starts fussing quickly, squirming around in Nat’s grip. Rather than go and disturb Bucky and Steve, she heads downstairs to where you are.

You look up when the redhead comes down, pushing yourself into a seated position when she brings Sarah over to you.

“She was getting fussy,” Nat explains softly, handing the baby to you. You hold her tightly in your arms, rocking her back and forth as she whines.

“She gets like that... sometimes. She just wants to feel loved.” You press kisses all over her face, cooing to her until she settles down then holding her close to your chest.

“What Steve’s doing... is wrong. You don’t deserve to be treated the way he’s treating you.” You furrow your brows at her words.

“Aren’t you his friend? Are you just testing my obedience?” She feels her heart hurt at the idea. “No. I mean, yeah, I’m his friend, but no I’m not testing your obedience. I realize that what he’s doing is wrong and I want to stop him. Or at least make it better somehow.”

You don’t trust her. How can you? This is the same woman who let Steve use you and defile you.

“I’m not sure what he plans on doing with you,” she admits softly, fingers hovering over Sarah’s cheek.

“But I know that if it comes down to it, I’ll fight to protect you.” You’re confused and she must be able to read it on your face because she sits down in front of you and sighs.

“I know what it’s like, to be held captive. To have no control over what happens to you. Granted, not to this extent, but I know enough to know that this is so wrong. You deserve so much better than this.”

You keep your eyes on your daughter, your voice quivering slightly as you speak. “If you only do one thing, could you... take Sarah to my father? He’ll know where to go and what to do. Just please, I don’t want her to be with... him. God only knows what he’ll do to her.”

Natasha knows that Steve would never hurt Sarah but it’s the only thing you’ve asked of her so she nods, agreeing and making a mental vow to do everything in her power to keep that baby safe.

~*~

“You can’t keep beating her the way you are. You’re taking this way too far. She’s a person, Steve. Not a punching bag.” Steve shakes his head and glares at his friend. “You don’t get it, Bucky. You don’t get it. She was so good before. So perfect. And now she’s just... misbehaving and pissing me off. I look at her and I see red. She makes me so angry.” Bucky scoffs and stares at his friend as if he’s grown a second head.

“Do you think that’ll stop just because you wipe her memory? No. You’re gonna feel the same damn thing every time you look at her. There’s nothing we can really do about that.”

Steve has a dark look in his eyes and Bucky actually laughs. “We’re not gonna fucking kill the girl, Steve. That’s extreme. Think about it this way: she’s the mother of your daughter. She can give you a family, a home. Everything you’ve ever wanted. She can be the normal that you need in your life. You’ve gotta get past your anger. Go hunting. Go fucking fishing. Just don’t take your anger out on her. You wanna put another baby in her? Go right the fuck ahead. You wanna have six kids and have her take care of all of them? Sure! Just don’t fucking hit her anymore. Stop associating her with anger because it’s only gonna end up badly.”

Steve’s silent for a minute, thinking about everything that his best friend has just said before breaking the silence with two words that make the whole situation change.

“She’s pregnant.”

Bucky sucks in a sharp breath of air and stares at Steve. “Again? You’re sure?”

Steve shrugs, “pretty sure. But she... she fell down the stairs the other day. I swear she fell, I didn’t push her, and... she hasn’t eaten anything...” he trails off, fear for his growing wild filling his heart.

“You care about the kid. The fetus inside her. You want her to give you another baby. You need to get back to your normal cycle. You can’t keep hurting her. If you want any chance at having a family then you’ll let me fix her. She can be the good little wife you want,” Bucky pleads, not wanting to see you or Steve get hurt any worse than you already have.

Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut as he makes his decision.

“How long will it take?” Bucky sighs in relief, glad that his friend is taking the better path. A little voice in his head is disgusted with the fact that wiping your memory is deemed ‘the better path’ but he shuts it up.

“A day? Maybe less. I’ll need to grab the supplies and bring it back which will take about a day, maybe two, but then I’ll be back and we can wipe her properly.”

Steve nods, looking at his friend.

“Fine. Can you do anything about her now? Make her more... compliant? Just until you properly wipe her?”

Bucky rubs the nape of his neck, his face screwing up in slight discomfort. “I don’t know, Steve. She’s so afraid... it’ll be hard to really get her to calm down enough for it to take hold in her mind. You might just have to wait until I come back.”

Steve sighs but nods, making to walk back into the house when Bucky grabs his arm tightly, stopping him in his tracks. He levels his friend with a serious look, trying to get his point across.

“Steve. I’m serious. You can’t keep treating her badly. If anything, you should go in there and make her feel safe. Tell her you won’t hurt her again and then don’t hurt her. Make her trust you at least a little bit.”

The blond nods and tugs out of Bucky’s grip with ease. They come back in the house and Steve is intercepted by Natasha.

“Where’s Sarah?” He asks, his heart beating a bit faster when he doesn’t see his daughter anywhere.

“With her mother, being fed. Where she belongs. Don’t worry.” He nods warily, taking a few deep breaths as the redhead glares at him.

“If you touch her wrong again I swear I will make you regret it, Steve Rogers. That woman down there is terrified for her life because of you. She’s broken and has no idea what she’s supposed to be doing with herself. If you fuck this up... Steve, I’m not going to side with a monster. Not again. You need to fix this or I’ll take it into my own hands.”

Bucky steps forward, taking Nat's hand in his. “I talked to him. He knows what he needs to do and he knows that if he doesn’t do it then he’ll be forced to face the consequences.” The two watch as Steve stalks out of the room, Natasha’s words hitting him square in the chest.

He enters the bathroom and shuts the door behind himself, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

‘What makes a monster?’ he wonders to himself. Is he really a monster? No, he can’t be. He’s Captain America, for fuck's sake. But then again, all the bad guys he’s had to take out, all the people who’ve been hurting other people, they all thought they were doing it for the right reasons too. Is he so different from them?

The line between monster and man is getting harder and harder for him to distinguish.

~*~

[movie-magic]

How Superman & Lois Is Avoiding Falcon & Winter Soldier's Fatal Mistake

Superman & Lois is avoiding the storytelling and pacing issues that hurt The Falcon and the Winter Soldier by focusing on the characters.

Despite Superman & Lois featuring the Man of Steel as a lead, the Arrowverse show is keeping its story grounded, thus avoiding the biggest mistake the MCU made with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. The CW's series focuses on Clark Kent and Lois Lane as a married couple raising two sons. Despite Clark being Superman — arguably the most powerful being on the planet, and likely Earth's most important hero — Superman & Lois uses conflict within the Kent household as its primary narrative conflict. In the Arrowverse, Clark already knows how to be a hero — but he's still learning how to be a dad.

So far, Superman & Lois has successfully distinguished itself from the rest of the DC titles — particularly other Superman-focused series like Smallville — by focusing on a different period in the hero's life. Superman & Lois season 1 centers on Jordan Kent developing powers, and the family moving from Metropolis back to the Kent farm in Smallville, giving the troubled teen a chance at a new start in a quieter environment. This comes at great personal cost to twin-brother Jonathan, who loses both his star quarterback status and his girlfriend. Still, the predominant theme of the series is family bonds, and although there is tension between the Kents, every person is incredibly supportive of their loved ones.

Superman & Lois is leaning into the CW's strengths: relationships. Rather than having each episode feature a "villain of the week," the Arrowverse show wisely reserves its action for small scenes — saving on the effects budget while still satisfying Superman fans — and lets the conflict between characters be the main narrative thrust. The Marvel show The Falcon and the Winter Soldier did the opposite: instead of focusing the short 6-episode series on the relationship of its two leads, the Disney+ show overcomplicated its story with the Flag-Smashers plot. That fatal mistake prevented Falcon and Winter Soldier from living up to its potential.

Falcon and Winter Soldier had a strong premise: Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes coming together, coping with the unexpected loss of Steve Rogers and grappling with Captain America's future. The show's initial marketing presented the series as something like Marvel's version of a buddy-cop story. However, just like so many of the MCU movies, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier introduced a global crisis for its heroes to solve: the increasingly violent terrorist group, the Flag-Smashers, and the resurgence of the Super Soldier serum. The stakes became much higher than the reluctant partnership of Sam and Bucky — and as a result, their interpersonal drama took a backseat in the story.

There were many aspects of the Falcon and the Winter Soldier that worked really well, and largely, these are tied to strong characterization. Bucky's at his best when he's being introspective and flawed: the show hints that he is still drawn to violence, but is deeply ashamed of the Winter Soldier's violent actions. With Steve Rogers' Captain America gone, Bucky is more alone now than ever, being a relic of the past. All of the people he grew up with are dead or much older than he appears to be — and while he's grown accustomed to this new world, he acts perpetually uncomfortable. It's a theme the show sets up in the premiere but doesn't adequately address.

Falcon and Winter Soldier was poised to give Sam and Bucky a relatable, complicated, and resonant relationship — but this never came to fruition. Instead of genuine conflict between the two, the show relied on forced quips and odd-couple banter. Sam Wilson's past as a PTSD counselor made him the perfect figure to help Bucky cope with Steve Rogers going back to the past: something Bucky no doubt wished for himself, and — given his history with Steve in the MCU and how close they were — may have felt resentful of. At the same time, Bucky could have helped Sam on his journey to becoming the new Captain America. Bucky, as a white man, is ill-equipped to help Sam grapple with issues like systemic racism in America — but as a friend, he could have offered quiet support.

There are hints at the show that could have been in Falcon and Winter Soldier: in the ending, for example, when Bucky helps Sam fix up the boat and joins in on the family celebration, or the scenes of Sam and Bucky training with the shield together. The action in the series is often exciting and is executed well — but any antagonist would have worked for those scenes. Sam feeling such an affinity with Karli Morgenthau never made sense — he literally held her in his arms after she shot Sharon Carter, his friend. In general, the character motivations in the show were underdeveloped, all because not enough screentime was spent on exploring the relationships that mattered. This was the fatal mistake Marvel made with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: not using the characters' relationships as the focus of the narrative.

How Superman & Lois Avoids Making The MCU's Biggest Mistake:

The CW was wise to make Superman & Lois largely about the Kent family adjusting to major changes: the death of Martha Kent, the children learning the truth about their father, the family moving from Metropolis to Smallville, and the realization that boys could have inherited their father's Kryptonian powers. While there is a larger conspiracy at the heart of Superman & Lois season 1, the Morgan Edge plot is secondary to the story of Jordan discovering his powers and Clark trying to balance being a hero with being a father. The show isn't about super-powered beings donning costumes to beat up bad guys. While other Arrowverse shows have dealt with similar themes, Superman & Lois is the first to do so without focusing on being a superhero. For example, Black Lightning dealt with similar family themes, but is still primarily about Jefferson Pierce fighting The 100, and his daughter begins crimefighting almost immediately after discovering her powers.

Superman does appear in Superman & Lois and is presumably still averting Nuclear disaster and catching criminals, but much of this happens either offscreen or in brief subplots. The best moments in the show are scenes with Clark trying to coach Jordan, like the moment when he quietly tells his son to let out the built-up eye energy on the football field. These moments work because they're so earnest. While the circumstance is fantastic, the parent-child dynamic and the coming-of-age allegory are incredibly relatable. Clark doesn't know what to do, but he's trying his best. Jordan, as a typical teenager, lacks the maturity to make smart choices. He struggles to understand and control his powers, and he reacts to situations impulsively. He has the concerns of a typical teenage boy: his interest in a potential romance with Sarah, his newfound popularity thanks to football, and his emerging sense of self as he navigates puberty. Instead of scenes with Clark and Jordan stopping bank robbers or flying, audiences get glimpses of their family life; it's a story where the character motivations always feel genuine.

The relationships in Superman & Lois are realistically complicated and nuanced. Jordan and Jonathan Kent break the CW's warring brothers trope by being supporting and caring about each other, even when they disagree. Clark and Lois clearly love each other while having their own separate lives, and the show wisely avoids using Lois as a damsel in distress figure for Superman to save. None of the characters are perfect, with Clark in particular struggling with parental choices and the twin boys making the kind of dumb decisions teenagers make. Unlike The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, which overcomplicated its first season with unnecessary global stakes, Superman & Lois keeps the story grounded on its family dynamic, which is a refreshing new standard for superhero stories.

- Screen Rant

[cagestark]

-Defender//6-

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six

just a lil chapter. Next is the last.

Read here on AO3.

-

Tony’s hand isn’t as burned as he feared. Once the initial redness wears off, the skin is just tinted pink and a little raw. Still Rhodey supervises down in Tony’s lab while the younger man applies burn cream to the tender skin. On top of all the callouses and scars that his hands already bear, he’s surprised he even feels it at all.

“I’ve never heard you so quiet before,” Rhodey says from where’s he’s seated on a stool on the other side of the lab table, the surface strewn with first aid supplies. The man’s dark eyes track his every move, mouth in its characteristic frown. “I’ve never actually heard you be quiet at all. This must be serious.”

“It’s not, really,” Tony says. But as he says it, he loses his confidence. What happened upstairs seems pretty serious: seriously concerning, seriously unexpected. In a deep, vulnerable place, Tony was seriously grateful. “Peter is protective. I recruited him a few weeks ago when I found him scaling the side of the building.”

Rhodey’s eyebrows climb up his sloped forehead. “Mutant?”

“Enhanced,” says Tony, slowly refilling the first aid supply kit. “Bitten by a radioactive spider, believe it or not. He’s got super strength, agility, and scopulae that help him stick to nearly any surface like Velcro.”

“Goddamn.”

“My sentiments exactly.”

“So why are you the surface he’s stuck himself to?” Rhodey asks.

Tony lets the question linger, pondering it. This is Rhodey, who has seen him in all manners of debauchery, who has seen every high and low of Tony’s up-close-and-personal for the last thirty years—but that doesn’t mean it gets any easier to see the disappointment in his face. It doesn’t mean that Tony doesn’t fear losing one of the last people who cares about him, who tolerates him at all.

At last Tony says, “I think he’s kind of in love with me.”

“Kid’s got a crush?”

“Yeah,” Tony admits. “And—he’s not the only one.”

Rhodey sighs, reaching up to rub at his forehead. “Jesus, Tones. How old is he?”

“Legal. Not that it makes it any better with more than twenty years between us. Steve doesn’t approve. He thinks I’m grooming the kid.” 

“These people don’t know you at all,” Rhodey says. “Tony. Tony, look at me. That’s not the kind of guy you are.” 

“He’s the most righteous man alive,” Tony says. His hands shake, weakness, like leftover DT’s from the day she stopped drinking an inordinate amount of alcohol and only indulged on occasion. Weakness. All he’s made from are a dozen different weaknesses stitched together into the shape of a man. “You know me. Obviously I’m not one for self-reflection. But when the man who used to kill Nazis for a living always thinks the worst of me, maybe it’s because there is worse in me.

“Peter treats me like the sun shines out of my ass, all because I treat him like a fucking human being, but he barely knows me. If there’s one thing history has taught me, it’s that there’s Captain America’s side, and then there’s the wrong side. I always end up on the other side. Always. If Peter isn’t careful, he’s going to end up there with me, and that’s not what I want for him. He’s good, I think. In his core.” 

“So are you,” Rhodey says. “None of the Avengers know you, and you don’t even know yourself. If you did, you wouldn’t let yourself be treated like this. At least this kid seems to have some sense, even if he’s subtle as a brick wielding it. I feel a lot better about spending so much time in DC knowing that someone is here and in your corner.”

-

Peter rests his forehead against one of the glass floor-length window panes in his room, mouth full of sticky-sweet cherry flavored pastry. He can barely taste it. Up this high, Manhattan looks fake beneath him, a toy city that he should take care not to step on, like the lego structures he used to leave out around May’s apartment when he was a boy. 

May. The pain of losing her never gets easier. There is no coping, there is just forgetting. Times when his mind is so full up with other things that there is no room for even her, when he’s working on a machine, when he’s training with Natasha in the gym. Then in moments like this, her memory comes rushing back in, and it’s like the grieving process starts over. She dies again to him, every day. 

Are you ashamed of me? Peter wonders, looking into the cloudless sky. There is no answer. 

May had never liked violence, but she was fierce in her own way. She believed in justice, she believed in compassion. Would she think he overreacted in the kitchen when he’d threatened to tear off another enhanced’s limb? Or would she think him justified, if she knew of the things Steve and the rest of the team had done to Tony? Just thinking about it makes his blood boil. People who had hurt Tony physically and emotionally, people who had no respect for him, people who still took advantage of every bit of his goodwill. Unremorseful people. 

Glancing down, Peter sees that he’s crushed his other poptart to crumbs. Kneeling down to sweep them into the palm of his hand, his spine goes stiff, just a brief moment of warning—someone at the door, not Steve, not Tony, someone—before there is a firm knock. Abandoning the crumbs, Peter opens the door a crack, afraid of who might be on the other side. 

A dark, serious complexion greets him. 

“Hi,” Rhodey says. “Can I come in?” 

“Of course,” Peter says, opening the door wide to let him past. He catches a brief glimpse of the other Avengers standing huddled together, eyeing Peter’s room with wariness before he shuts the door on the image. 

It must look strange, a young man whose room is so empty. No photographs on the wall, no pile of clothes on the floor, no posters or game consoles. The bed is made (unslept in most nights, though Rhodey would have no way of knowing that sometimes Peter feels more comfortable in enclosed spaces, that he curls up inside the closet empty except for clothes hangers or that he crawls underneath the bed to sleep). Combined with his display in the kitchen, he can’t imagine what the older, distinguished man must think of him. 

“Is Tony’s hand okay?” Peter asks. He can still hear the pained hiss the man made when the steaming coffee spilt onto his bare flesh. It makes that feeling come up in Peter all over again, that feeling like he has swallowed fire, fury like acid that eats at his stomach, fury that he wants to spit out at someone. At Steve Rogers. “I should have stayed to make sure.” 

“It might blister,” Rhodey says. “But he gets worse down there in his lab on the daily. That’s not why I’m here.” 

“Why are you here then?” 

“Tony is important to me. The most important person in my life except for my own mother. I’ve been watching his back since he was a teenager, and short of dying, nothing’s ever going to change that. That’s either going to make us friends or enemies, Parker. Your choice.” 

On the lengthy list of threats Peter’s received in his life, this is easily the most charming. Rhodey isn’t even enhanced. Peter could kill him without breaking a sweat, could tear his head from his body, could pull off his arms and legs the way other kids do to spiders, to smaller, weaker creatures. But there’s still something formidable about the other man. At the very least, there is something respectable. 

“Anyone in Tony’s corner is someone I want to be friends with,” Peter admits. 

Rhodey’s expression softens. He holds out a hand that Peter meets with his own. “Then you’re alright by me, kid. You could use a lesson in picking your battles, though. It doesn’t take enhanced powers of deduction to see that Rogers wants you off the team.” 

“I’ll fight any battle that protects Tony.” 

“And when you’re on the bench because Rogers has convinced the Powers that Be that you’re too unpredictable to be in the field? Who’s going to be protecting Tony then? Too many injuries have happened on missions because not a single one of them can be counted on to have Tony’s back. You could change that, if you’d get a grip on your temper,” Rhodey says. Peter’s shoulders sag—he hadn’t even thought of that. 

“Sometimes I can’t help it,” Peter admits. “It feels like there’s this monster inside of me. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or something. When they say something bad about Tony or when they hurt him, some flip inside me gets switched. How do I stop?” 

“You’ve got to choose what’s more important to you,” Rhodey says. “Protecting Tony or avenging him.” 

For a long time after Rhodey leaves, Peter stands at the wall of windows, staring out unseeing at the city below while he cycles through everything that Colonel Rhodes said, wondering again and again, Why can’t Peter do both?

-

“This is like, a foreign language to me,” Peter mutters, flipping through the textbook that Tony had retrieved for him. The cover reads FUNDAMENTALS OF ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING. The glossy margins are filled with Tony’s tiny scrawl, and Peter runs his fingers reverently over the writing trying to imagine a fifteen year old boy scribbling on each page. He’s seen pictures, newspapers archived on the New York City Public Library computers of a young, handsome boy crouched beside a robot he built, smiling into the camera. Fifteen years old, and this had been nothing to Tony. Peter is twenty and it takes him ages to get through a single paragraph, googling foreign terms on his phone and struggling to understand the abstract concepts. 

Tony glances up from his StarkPad. He balks at the expression on Peter’s face and turns the tablet off, sitting it aside. “Come over. We can go through it together.” 

“You’d explain it to me?” Peter asks, raking his eyes over the older man’s face. Fuck, Tony is so handsome. That look he’s giving Peter, too, the unbearably tender kind, the fond kind, it makes him all the more beautiful. He’s not above asking Tony for help. His pride was one of the first things he had to let go of when he began to live and sleep rough. “I feel like an idiot.” 

“You’re far from an idiot,” Tony says. He pats the seat next to him and they sit shoulder to shoulder, close enough that Peter can soak up the man’s warmth, struggling not to sway ever closer. Tony has his own gravity, and Peter often feels helpless to it. “You’re self-taught. It’s no wonder that a lot of this technical jargon isn’t connecting.” 

They make it through the first chapter together, and Tony was right—much of it Peter was familiar with, though it hadn’t been presented in terms he knew. Tony is an excellent teacher, too. Patient and insightful, witty. He soothes Peter’s fears that he isn’t smart enough, builds confidence in him that maybe he could learn to be an engineer the way he’d always dreamed. 

“We should send you to school,” Tony says afterwards, handing Peter a chilled Coke from the refrigerator. “An Avengers Scholarship, maybe. Full ride, all the amenities, only the best schools and tutors.”

“You mean you won’t be my private tutor, Mr. Stark?” Peter asks, letting his eyes get wide and sweet. Most older men find the guileless thing sexy, but Tony just laughs at him. 

“I wouldn’t want to put your education in jeopardy. People will hardly be able to say I’m an unbiased educator,” Tony says. The warm, dark eyes drop to Peter’s mouth for just a moment before looking away, drinking deeply from his own Coke. “Though I’m sure we could come up with some incentive program for good grades.” 

“Incentive program, oh,” Peter laughs. “I like the—”

An alarm begins to sound, loud enough that Peter feels it in his teeth and deeper. It’s louder, harsher than the sound of Tony’s doorbell. The reaction it evokes in the older man is visceral as well, eyes going wide, jaw going tight as he taps at his glasses. The sound cuts out of the penthouse, but Peter can hear it continuing on in the floors below. 

“What’s wrong?” Peter asks. “Are we under attack?” 

“Someone is. That’s the alarm for the Avengers to assemble.” 

-

The people under attack are on the west coast. Some ‘half-rate magician’ (Dr. Stephen Strange’s words, not Peter’s) had accidentally conjured inter-dimensional creatures that they couldn’t control nor send packing. The Avengers are being sent to round them up and with the assistance of Dr. Strange, send them back to where they’ve come from. 

For the first time, Peter meets Director Nick Fury, a black man with one eye and a direct way of speaking that Peter can appreciate. Around the table are seated seven other Avengers: Natasha, Steve, Clint, Sam, Wanda, Vision, and Tony himself. After Fury ends his briefing on the situation, Steve stands and begins to formulate the briefest bones of a game plan and—

Peter isn’t in it. 

“Sorry, kid,” Steve says. “You’re not yet cleared for field work. Maybe next time.” 

“I’ve been working with Natasha for weeks,” Peter says. Colonel Rhodes words play on a loop in Peter’s brain, and they’re his lifeboat in the sea of anxiety that threatens to drown him. Peter needs to stay calm and play it cool. It’s the only way he’ll be allowed to have Tony’s back, and he must have Tony’s back. “This seems like the perfect mission for me to get my feet wet.” 

Tony sits beside Peter, silent and stiff. Director Fury watches all of them with a cool, knowing gaze when he says, “He’s got a point, Captain.” 

“We’ve got protocols for a reason,” Steve says. “Putting you in the field before you’re ready is an easy way to get hurt, Pete. Sorry, but the answer is no.” 

All eyes turn to Fury, who nods to Steve magnanimously. “Don’t look at me,” he tells them. “That’s your team leader. It’s his call.” 

Peter listens to the rest of the plans with his hands clenched in his lap, knuckles turning white. He cycles through every stage of grief, and as soon as the team breaks to head to the room where the helicarrier will take them to California, Peter catches one of Tony’s wrists to keep him from filing out of the room, just another soldier under Captain Rogers’s command. 

“Please don’t go,” Peter mutters. Director Fury watches them unabashedly, his arms crossed. Tony lifts a hand to ruffle Peter’s hair, but the expression on his face is downright grim.

“Don’t worry about me, kid,” Tony says softly. “I’ve been doing this gig for years now, and I haven’t died yet.” 

That doesn’t comfort Peter at all. When Tony leaves, he takes all the warmth with him until Peter feels chilled to the bone. 

“Parker. Nice to officially meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Director Fury says. He doesn’t offer his hand to shake, and neither does Peter. 

“From who?” Peter wonders out loud. “Captain Rogers?”

Fury hums noncommittally. “Don’t worry about Stark. He is an asset to the Avengers, and I will do all I can to ensure his safety.” 

“With all due respect Director Fury—he is not just an asset,” Peter says. Too afraid of what else might come from his mouth, come straight up from that dark place inside of him fueled by fear and anger and hurt, Peter lets his feet guide him back to the elevator. Without asking, FRIDAY takes him up to Tony’s penthouse. When Tony gets back, Peter plans to move back in (so long as the older man wants him to). He tells himself that again and again. When Tony gets back. When. 

Peter sits and he waits.

[buckyistired]

Why Bucky Barnes Isn’t Damaged Goods, Take Two

Since tumblr is a big ol butthead and ate my first post on the subject, and I apparently write essays on Bucky Barnes for fun, here is take two on why Bucky Barnes isn’t damaged goods. Why should I care enough to spend another several hours re-writing this? Because it is not ok to call survivors of traumatic events damaged. Period. End of story. It was a lousy choice of words that could easily be misinterpreted, and I would have been willing to leave it at that, if the writers and directors didn’t keep talking and digging that hole a little deeper. So...here we go. Again. I’m on my soapbox and the view is great.

In less than an hour of screen time over seven films, the Marvel Cinematic Universe gave us a complex, beloved character that walks the line between victim and villain with a murder-strut swagger. Bucky Barnes is as lonesome and dangerous as he is charming and sarcastic. Many fans have fallen in love or seen themselves reflected in Bucky’s trials and triumphs; he’s truly an awesome, multi-faceted character, but unfortunately, fans seem to be of the few who realize this.

Recent comments made by both MCU directors and writers regarding Bucky’s mental state have…bothered me and I thought, well, let’s examine the evidence that Bucky is damaged, shall we?

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional; I have PTSD and use these strategies myself, but nothing I’ve written should preclude you from seeking a professional opinion if you need it. Talking with a therapist about my PTSD helped me get light years ahead in terms of recovery. Whatever path you choose, take care of you.

What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it.

Does Bucky Barnes have PTSD?

By definition, Bucky has experienced or witnessed the following traumatic events:

WWII. Bucky served as an active soldier during WWII, in the trenches and on the battlefields. He was a distinguished sniper and a Sergeant, which means he witnessed and contributed to the war effort to an even further degree. Many soldiers had “battle fatigue” or “shell shock” during the war; it is not unlikely that Bucky would have experienced this from WWII alone if he had survived and returned home.

Prisoner of War. Bucky was captured and tortured as a prisoner of war, not once, but twice. He was experimented on in his time in Azzano, before he was captured again by Zola/Hydra.

The Fall. Bucky shouldn’t have survived the fall from the train in the Alps. He watched as Steve tried to save him and failed, and he was cognizant as he fell to his presumed death and as he was then captured.

Disability. As established in flashback scenes, Bucky was conscious when he fell from the train and as he was being pulled through the snow by his captors (who he may have assumed were saviors at that point, double ouch). He woke up to his arm being removed and replaced. This kind of permanent change to his body would be difficult enough to work through in a peaceful recovery environment. We know that Bucky didn’t get that luxury.

Hydra/The Winter Soldier decades. The cryochamber. Being strapped to a table and experimented on. The chair. Having no control over your own mind or body. Being forced to murder; being trapped in a continuous war. This torture lasted for 70 years.

Civil War. Free from Hydra, Bucky is trying to live the good life, keep his head down, and stay out of trouble. Then boom, he’s blamed for a bombing that kills how many people? And he’s right in the middle of Tony and Steve’s fallout? Oh, and he loses his arm, again? And then he willingly goes back into cryofreeze? Ok. That’s like 16 traumatic events in the space of 24-48 hours, also known as Bucky Barnes and the No Good Very Bad Day.

Battle Against Thanos and The Snapture, Part 1. Just as Bucky gets to the point where he’s living the good live and recovering from the trauma that has been pretty much his entire life, Thanos shows up, and Bucky is off to another battlefield. Then, he dies. Sort of. Again. How many times is this now?

Battle Against Thanos and The Snapture, Part 2. Bucky gets unsnapped and has approximately two seconds of “yay!” before he is again fighting on a battlefield for his life and the lives of those he cares about and oh, for the entire world.

A common thread here is that all of these traumatic experiences included a near brush with death or a near constant threat to his person. We don’t even really know the extent of the trauma Bucky endured when he was captured by Hydra. Regardless, I just listed eight different traumatic events that Bucky has experienced or witnessed. I think, yes, it’s safe to say that poor Bucky has PTSD, big-time.

So, is Bucky Barnes damaged?

No. Bucky Barnes is an individual who have survived more than his fair share of traumatic events, and as such, his brain has had to compensate for how he thinks, processes, and responds to stimuli. He does, at one point, suffer from literal brain damage from the chair, but we are shown in Black Panther that Shuri has healed the physical damage to his brain.

If Bucky experienced permanent damage from his trauma, he would be incapable of living his life. Literally. If he suffered from PTSD and did not actively try to take measures to cope with it, he would not be able to function; his brain wouldn’t let him. (In my opinion, he still would not be “damaged” because people with mental health issues are still people who deserve respect and shouldn’t be talked about like feral animals, but hey, moving past ableist language is apparently too much to ask and I digress).

Anyways, my point is that Bucky is not only aware of his condition, but actively takes steps to treat it, therefore, he cannot be of a damaged mind. And I’m gonna prove it.

Bucky Barnes: PTSD Symptoms and Coping Strategies

Bucky exhibits both positive and negative coping strategies throughout the films as his journey to recovery progresses, sometimes back to back, which is a great, realistic choice, because it shows that recovery is not linear.

Avoidance

Avoidance occurs when a person avoids thoughts or feelings about a traumatic event; it can interfere with emotional recovery and healing and is a common reaction to trauma.

The first step in treating any illness is recognizing the need for treatment. In Captain America: The First Avenger we see Bucky actively avoid recognizing his trauma after being rescued from Azzano. He’s putting on a strong face in the name of avoidance (“Let’s hear it for Captain America!”) but he’s also suffering.

Source: https://cogentranting.tumblr.com/post/174225812218/comic-bucky-phdna-bluandorange-edgebug

There’s an additional scene in this film that, while played for laughs and parallels between Bucky and Steve, has always meant more to me. When the Howlies are all gathered in a bar, drinking, laughing, and having a good time, Bucky is by himself in the back room (avoiding friends) where it’s quiet (avoiding loud disturbances that could rock him) and he can keep an eye on his surroundings (being overly alert). His uniform is disheveled and he’s lost that cocky Sergeant Barnes signature look. When Peggy walks in and completely ignores him, this is Bucky’s reaction:

Source: https://steviebarnes.tumblr.com/post/181821865007/steve-little-shit-rogers

I don’t think Bucky was exaggerating here. Everything he’s been through lately is a horrible dream. We don’t talk about this scene enough in terms of how it shows Bucky’s vulnerability; it’s really the first hint we have that Bucky has lost a part of himself during this war.

Engaging in Dangerous Behavior/Overworking

In Captain America: The First Avenger, we witness Bucky deploying a negative coping strategy for the first time: over dedication to his work that suggests he’s overcompensating as a way of avoiding thinking about his trauma. Engaging in reckless or dangerous behavior also is a symptom of PTSD. Bucky continuously experiences new stressful situations, which ultimately will extend his healing time. For example, he willingly goes on a mission to capture Zola, the man who strapped him to a lab table and pumped him full of knock-off super soldier serum. Seeing the doctor again would be enough to trigger Bucky into an episode but he goes anyways because his dedication to the mission is more important to him than his mental stability.

Source: https://n-barnes.tumblr.com/post/170542194046/bucky-with-the-guns

Now, this is still an active war zone. The necessity of the Howling Commando missions to win the war means that Bucky doesn’t really have time to process what’s happened to him; he’s incapable of coping in a healthy way at this point and charging forward, continuing to work, is the only way he knows how to survive.

Bucky has a bad habit of not avoiding his triggers when he feels the mission is more important than his mental health. A common theme throughout every film is that Bucky is put into one dangerous situation right after another, usually immediately following a five minute breather.

In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, we see glimpses of Bucky Winter being pulled in and out of cryofreeze, placed on mission after mission. The one time we begin to see that there’s more to Winter than they’d have us believe is when Bucky’s memories surface for a hot minute in the bank vault. He has about 30 seconds of downtime where he’s aware and then…wipe him. Back on the mission to kill Captain America. Everything about his time as the Winter Soldier was dangerous; it’s not like Hydra really cared about his physical or mental health. All those years of trauma and overworking probably crashed down on Bucky, hard, the moment he was in control of his own mind again and able to rest. And his brain was in physical shambles on top of it. Poor Bucky.

Source: https://mishasteaparty.tumblr.com/post/93678343244/prep-him

Similarly, in Captain America: Civil War, we get this amazing scene:

Source: https://mackievanstan.tumblr.com/post/176453875698/let-him-rest

And another in Avengers: Infinity War:

Source: https://mackievanstan.tumblr.com/post/176453875698/let-him-rest

Once again, Bucky keeps getting thrown back into the middle of a fight when he needs to be resting. This is a very, very bad idea. Super bad. Could really fuck with Bucky’s mental health permanently, bad. This is pretty much the definition of overworking to a detrimental degree.

But what I really love about his reactions in both of these scenes is that he knows exactly how poor of an idea it is. He knows continuing to fight isn’t good for him and he’s exhausted. He goes willingly anyways, but he has this amazing control over himself at this point. Every single fight could have Bucky experiencing an episode and losing himself to the trauma; he doesn’t. (To be fair, I think this is what the Russos were hinting at but they could have worded it so much better). Bucky could have walked away. He could have surrendered in Bucharest, he could have hidden in Wakanda. He fought anyways.

This shows just how complex Bucky’s PTSD really is and how well he’s coping with it: he’s engaging in dangerous behaviors which could trigger him, but he’s doing so with awareness and self-actualization. He’s got a handle on himself. These coping behaviors directly contradict the Russos’ statement that you “don’t want to give another weapon to that guy, it could end up being used the wrong way.” With the exception of being literally triggered with the Winter Soldier code words (which are no longer a threat because good job, Shuri), Bucky fights the good fight every single time. He doesn’t go rogue. He doesn’t lose himself.

Yeah, if that doesn’t make him a hero, I don’t know what further proof I can provide, because he does this in literally every single film.

Active Coping

Active coping means accepting the impact of trauma on your life, taking direct action to improve things, and creating habits that help you respond to everyday life in a positive manner. Avoiding triggers - people, places, anniversaries, or other reminders of the traumatic event - can be a healthy coping strategy.

The first time we see Bucky take a step toward positive active coping is in Captain America: The Winter Soldier:

Source: https://thatpleasantnightmare.tumblr.com/post/147118407198

Bucky just escaped being a prisoner, was injured in a gruesome fight with his best friend, and is now on the run. What’s one of the first things he does? Research. More than that, in this scene, Bucky is clean, in civilian clothing of his choosing, and appears to have treated his injuries from the fight on the carriers. His eyes are clear and although he is in a public (read: dangerous) setting, he’s aware of his surroundings, has a calm grip on reality, and is processing information. This is Bucky taking the first step to actively reclaiming his identity. This is when we see him begin to heal and he’s doing it on his own. He’s on step one of learning to actively cope: accepting the impact of the trauma on your life.

Bucky continues to exhibit positive coping strategies on his own as time moves forward, as we see in Captain America: Civil War. By the time we meet up with Bucky in Romania, he’s already taken direct action to improve his situation. When we first see Bucky, he’s at a local market, smiling and engaging in conversation with a vendor while he buys produce. He looks good; is physically fit, is practicing hygiene, and is in clean clothes that protect his identity.

Source: https://buckybgrnes.tumblr.com/post/174829011372

I love this scene and specifically the way Sebastian played it, because we see Bucky exhibit positive and negative coping strategies nearly back to back. As he’s trying for normal, he’s also hyper aware of his surroundings, unwilling to let his guard down. He’s scanning for anything that could trigger him or endanger his health, but he is aware. Staying alert and on guard is a classic symptom of PTSD.

Source: https://kittyseb.tumblr.com/post/144559460240/this-whole-scene-of-bucky-on-the-streets-of

However, we have to understand that Bucky’s situation requires this sort of hyper vigilance. He’s a wanted man, both by Hydra and the CIA, and he’s actively being hunted. So although Bucky is displaying a classic symptom of PTSD, what we see here is him deploying a positive strategy for coping. By staying aware to his surroundings, he’s protecting himself. This is opposite to the kind of harmful behavior we should expect from him at this point in his recovery. He’s by himself, without any support, and has to look over his shoulder every block to make sure that he’s safe. Extreme hyper vigilance would show being Bucky afraid to leave his apartment altogether. Again, while he is suffering and displaying symptoms of active post traumatic stress, he’s also actively coping by taking direct action to improve his circumstances and creating habits that improve his daily life.

Through the entirety of the Romania scene in Captain America: Civil War, we catch glimpses of other healthy habits and positive coping strategies Bucky has developed.

Practicing Mindfulness

One really great blink-and-you-miss-it detail from the film is the existence of Bucky’s journals. As Steve goes through Bucky’s stuff (really, Steve?), you see him pick up a journal from the top of Bucky’s fridge. Inside are notes, memories, and references, categorized and marked by tabs. This is one of my favorite examples of Bucky using another strategy for coping with PTSD: mindfulness.

Source: a shitty screenshot I took from the movie.

Mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Mindfulness may help people get back in touch with the present moment, as well as reduce the extent with which they feel controlled by unpleasant thoughts and memories.

This is an extremely positive practice for Bucky, because at this point in the films, he’s still suffering from brain damage and memory loss. We see several examples of Bucky shaking his head, blinking, and losing himself to possible memories throughout the films. Journaling, as a way to capture those memories, categorize them, and begin rebuilding a timeline of his life, can help Bucky identify his triggers, work through episodes, and ultimately distinguish between past memories and the present, enabling him to regain control of his mind.

Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

When Bucky appears on screen, we see that he’s physically fit and obviously taking care of himself. We can assume that during his time as the Winter Soldier, Hydra kept Bucky in peak physical condition in order to succeed in every mission. Whether that was through training, supplements, drugs, the super soldier serum, etc., we don’t know. We don’t see Bucky continuing this training, but we do see the results of it. He’s capable of fighting, obviously maintaining his strength, and he’s able to run away.

Source: https://captaincentenarian.tumblr.com/post/149852437382/bucky-running-majestic-hair-appreciation

We also witness Bucky making healthy choices in terms of food. He’s got energy/protein bars in his apartment, snacks readily available, pots and pans which would imply he has been cooking, and even a thermos to keep himself hydrated. He’s doing his best to maintain his physical health, which in and of itself is a very positive coping method. He could be depressed, lost in his own mind, never getting out of bed. But Bucky wants to survive, he wants to be better, and so he takes care of himself. This is a good thing.

If you haven’t seen it, please read this post about Bucky’s apartment, because it hits on so many great points about how Bucky is taking care of himself.

Recognizing and Avoiding Triggers

Now for as many positive steps Bucky has taken to actively cope with having PTSD, he’s got awful luck when it comes to avoiding his triggers. It’s two steps forward, one step back, every time.

At the beginning of Captain America: Civil War, Bucky is trying his damndest to avoid being caught. But stupid Zemo has other plans.

Look, it’s hard for me to describe what happens next in the film. The way that Sebastian played these scenes will never not give me chills. We get an up close and personal view of Bucky’s PTSD in ways we’ve only caught glimpses of up until now; I don’t know what Sebastian researched in order to create this performance, but it is so spot on that it’s difficult to watch. I wish he got more credit for his acting and it’s a damn waste that he only had 30 seconds of screen time in subsequent movies. *sigh*

Anyways...

We see the acceptance and the fear in Bucky’s eyes as the CIA takes him into custody. He’s maintaining his composure, more than he should be capable of doing at this point, and he’s also letting himself slip into a safe zone (“I don’t want to talk about it.”). Until Zemo begins reading the trigger words.

Source: https://cvssian.tumblr.com/

Good grief, y’all. Look at him struggling. Bucky literally tried to fight his way out of being triggered, but he failed. Every fear he’s had for the past several years is happening. He’s losing control of his mind, of everything he’s worked so hard for up to this point. I don’t want to look too far into this as a commentary on Bucky’s character, because I don’t think the writers meant for it to be the deep - it serves more as a plot point to get us to the war part of Civil War - but if you stop and examine it for just a second, this scene is an absolute outrage. I can’t believe this happened to Bucky’s mind. They turned him into a weapon, again. They stripped him of years of hard work and recovery.

Source: https://brolinjosh.tumblr.com/

Thankfully - thankfully - one quick hit to the head later, and Bucky’s back. Not only is he aware of his surroundings, he’s cognizant enough to try playing dumb to Sam and Steve at first. I like the conversation that takes place between Bucky and Steve here, because Bucky was smart enough to give Steve exactly what he needed to hear to prove that Bucky was no longer a threat. We don’t talk about Bucky’s raw intelligence enough, likely because we’re always talking about his grief, and this scene gives us one of the rare moments in the film where we get to witness Bucky strategizing. He was just triggered, his brain is mush, he just lost control of himself, and then immediately after, he’s back on mission. We’re back to avoidance/no time to process. Bucky tucks being triggered as Winter into his back pocket to be dealt with on another day.

Remember how I said Bucky keeps getting thrown into fights, one after another? Guess what.

Source: https://captaincentenarian.tumblr.com/post/149852437382/bucky-running-majestic-hair-appreciation

There are a lot of significant, interesting parallels happening between Captain America: The First Avenger and Captain America: Civil War. The plot goes like this: Bucky was captured and actively tortured; Steve rescued him; they have no time to discuss what’s just happened and deal with it; and then Bucky is forced into another fight before he’s ready.

We can draw a lot of comparisons between the Howlies and Team Cap here and I wish that they had made the effort to explore this more in the film. This is the first time Bucky and Steve are fighting on the same team again since the war. Bucky is following Steve’s lead, even though he doesn’t know the people he’s fighting with/against, and he’s doing it because it’s for the greater good. They have to stop the other winter soldiers; the mission always comes first.

The biggest difference between the two films - and Bucky’s current state of mind - is that in The First Avenger, Bucky was actively avoiding recognizing his trauma after very similar events occurred, and in Civil War, not only does Bucky acknowledge what happened to him, we get this very poignant scene that’s both beautiful and devastating:

Source: https://bifelicitys.tumblr.com/post/182734674220/what-you-did-all-those-years-it-wasnt-you-you

This is a healthy outlook of acceptance and Bucky arrived there with nearly no outside assistance up to this point. This man has been through hell and back in the past 24 hours, on top of a hundred years of tragedy, and instead of breaking down as any reasonable person would, he fights. He has a long way to go in his recovery, but look how far he’s gotten on his own. And this is before Shuri’s help. Bucky’s willpower, tenacity, and depth of character never ceases to amaze me.

This is especially true with what happens next. You know how I said Bucky has awful luck in avoiding his triggers? Well...does walking back into the base of your own free volition where you were held prisoner and tortured for decades, count as maybe, oh I dunno, an event that should be avoided at all costs?

I’m being sarcastic but the depth of this moment shouldn’t be overlooked. Bucky going back to Siberia after everything he’s been through is a huge step backwards for his recovery. Siberia is crawling with triggers, from the threat of the other soldiers, to the cryo chambers, to the chair that wiped his memories and turned him into the Winter Soldier. The amount of bravery it took for Bucky Barnes to walk back into this place can’t be measured. He’s looking his history dead in the eyes with a shaky finger on a trigger and the fact that he doesn’t crack is astounding.

But then...this happens.

Source: https://tonystark.co/post/165333715841/buckys-facial-expressions-as-tonys-watches-the

I can barely stand to watch this because we are seeing Bucky actively having a PTSD episode. As the tape plays, Bucky is dissociating; he’s not there in the room with Steve and Tony, he’s back on the country road where he killed the Starks. The fear and the tears in his eyes, the recognition of what’s playing on the tape, and the knowledge of what’s about to happen are too much. His reaction here shows that he’s barely in control. He immediately responds to Tony lunging at him by raising his gun, an instinctive response, only to lower his weapon seconds later because of the acceptance of what he’s done. This is brutal and heartbreaking and very real.

It gets worse.

Source: https://itsawkwardfanboi.tumblr.com/post/176703555531/breaks-my-heart-seeing-him-about-to-pass-out

Bucky snapped in desperation and we witness him lose control in his battle with PTSD. It is very common for fight or flight to kick in under extreme circumstances and pressure; Bucky tried to escape, to avoid this outcome, but he couldn’t. The only thing he had left was to fight. We see Bucky lose control, not as Tony is threatening him, but because Steve is threatened. Bucky was fighting Tony, not to harm him, but to stop him, and not to protect himself, but to protect Steve. It’s an entirely different fighting style than Winter; it’s meant to disarm, not to destroy. Even though Bucky just experienced multiple triggers and traumatic events in a short timeframe, even though he is smack dab right in the middle of a traumatic episode, he still only wants to stop the fight, not kill. This is another example of how the Russos’ comments were unfair and incorrect. Bucky doesn’t go on murderous rampages; he tries to do what’s right. And what happens to him because of it?

He loses. Every single time.

Source: https://marvelworlduniverse.tumblr.com/post/172306346232

I will never forgive the writers for making Bucky lose his arm twice. Bucky has a real disability and it has always bothered me that his arm is only ever discussed as a weapon. The trauma from losing his arm the first time was never properly dealt with and here we are again, recycling that awful, painful, horrible plot point. There comes a certain point where you’ve hurt the characters enough and it does nothing for their character development. The grief, pain, and acceptance we see in Bucky’s eyes as he’s lying there wrecks me. He didn’t need to experience this. He’s been through enough. I don’t know how he’s still physically alive or not mentally lost without hope of recovery. But he is. He gets back up. And you know what he does next?

He asks for help.

Asking for Support

An important part of recovery is having a team of people around you to support you when times are tough. It is amazing to me that Bucky got as far as he did in his recovery, finding positive coping strategies and habits on his own while on the run.

Source: https://juliastiles.tumblr.com/post/178049225734/captain-america-civil-war-2016-dir-anthony

The acknowledgement of Bucky’s trauma in this scene was poignant and bittersweet and I’m very glad they included it, although I feel Steve here. It was sad to see Bucky go back into cryo, but it was necessary until the triggers could be safely removed.

And they were. This is my biggest issue with what the Russos said - they seemed to have either forgotten or refused to acknowledge what happened in Black Panther, when Shuri successfully removed the triggers and healed Bucky’s brain damage (cough, I know which one I’m placing my bets on, cough). We don’t disrespect Shuri like that in this house.

Source: http://stevechoosesbucky.tumblr.com/post/173521604559

From this point forward, Bucky’s brain is no longer damaged. He is no longer experiencing memory loss, nor is he capable of being triggered into Winter Soldier mode. Yes, he still has PTSD. Yes, he will need to continue to work on his recovery, just like Steve, just like Sam. And he does.

Speaking of Sam, this tidbit from Avengers: Endgame is really satisfying.

Source: https://paper-storm.tumblr.com/post/184537376766/can-we-talk-for-a-second-about-how-bucky-was-a

This moment is important because it shows that 1) Bucky is still very vulnerable and dealing with a lot of grief; the last time he saw Tony wasn’t exactly on the best of terms and now Bucky can never make up for what he did, and 2) Sam is an invaluable person to have at your side and a very, very good friend.

It’s hard to tell where we will go from here in the series/the next round of films, but I have a suggestion for a direction: get Bucky back to his positive coping strategies. Such as...

Spending Time Outdoors/With Animals

Before the battle in Avengers: Infinity War, we catch up with Bucky doing something seemingly very out of character: farming. Look, my blog name is Bucky the Farmer, it should tell you all you need to know about how much this tickled me when I first saw it. But upon further reflection, I realized how important this activity actually is.

Source: https://steverogersnotebook.tumblr.com/post/179505503935/bucky-in-wakanda-initial-recovery-vs-settled

It’s been shown that spending time in nature and around animals can have positive soothing effects on people who are recovering from trauma. Have you ever gone on a nice walk after a bad day to calm your mind, or spent a few minutes petting a dog? Do you exercise as a form of stress relief? It’s the same thing.

But what we’re also seeing here is Bucky taking responsibility for living beings beyond himself. He’s also interacting with children, an innocent and safe way to re-socialize himself. At this point, Bucky is past the stages of recovery where he needs to avoid, acknowledge, or actively cope with his trauma. He’s healing. He’s moving forward and learning how to live again, not just surviving day by day.

What happens next?

Prior to The Snapture, Bucky’s life was in Wakanda. Avengers: Endgame left quite a few stones unturned when it comes to Bucky’s future; we know that he’s in New York, that he won’t carry the shield, and seemingly, he and Sam are friends. He might hang out with Old Steve every now and again, visit his home in Brooklyn, or get a few goats. Maybe he’ll go back to Wakanda. Maybe he’ll be a part of the Avengers. We don’t know what Bucky will do next.

Regardless as to what happens, Bucky is in a good place. He’s experienced loads of trauma, but the physical and mental effects have been treated. His brain is not damaged and he’s continuing to recover. And when he’s ready, which I believe will be sooner than we think, he’s going to kick utter ass.

Bucky is still one of the most badass characters to ever be created; he’s efficiently deadly, a skilled fighter, the world’s best assassin. Those skills haven’t disappeared because he’s now in control of himself (and, some of those skills he had before he was the Winter Soldier; they were what made him a prime candidate in the first place. Remember, the Winter Soldier was supposed to be an equal foe to Captain America).

But he’s also so much more. Bucky has chosen to be morally good. A man who knows he can be the deadliest person in the room but chooses not to be is powerful. Is this not a direct callback to Erskine’s conversation with Steve in The First Avenger? Remember, Captain America is not a perfect soldier. He is a good man.

Bucky Barnes is a good man, no matter what trauma he’s experienced. So is Sam Wilson.

I absolutely believe it was the right choice for Sam to take up the shield at this moment in time. Let’s just get that out of the way, no Sam hate here. But I have a problem with the idea that Bucky couldn’t take up the shield because “he’s damaged” and that’s why it went to Sam instead. The Russos’ statements were insulting to both characters. Sam didn’t get the shield because Bucky wasn’t ready to carry it; Sam got the shield because it was right and he earned it. Sam deserves to be Cap just as much as Bucky deserves to take a damn nap. They don’t need to knock Bucky down in order to lift Sam up. It was a deliberate choice of words and it was wrong.

On some level, I understand what the writers and directors were trying to say: Bucky simply isn’t ready. And yet, they continue to speak about Bucky as if he’s weak, a villain, and permanently broken; I don’t think they can truly grasp how much of a complex and compelling character he really is. They had years to prepare a wise, thoughtful answer to the question of Bucky’s future and instead, they spouted off some ableist bullshit. They could take this character that embodies so much of what’s good and evil, right and wrong, fearful and hopeful, and use him to speak to hundreds if not thousands of individuals about the importance of never giving up and letting yourself find peace. They do this perfectly with Steve (“I can do this all day”) and Sam (“Are you going to carry it in a big suitcase or little man-purse?”) but why not with Bucky?

We just don’t know. But Bucky Barnes surely deserves better.

Source: https://captain-flint.tumblr.com/post/184564356218/bucky-barnes-in-avengers-endgame-looking-like-a

Recovering from trauma is an ongoing, nonlinear process. All Marvel characters have gone through some form of traumatic events and recovery. Bucky has experienced more than his fair share, but he will always survive, because that’s what he does. Now, he has the opportunity to thrive, if only the writers and directors will let him.

Sources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/what/index.asp

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/selfhelp_coping.asp

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-symptoms-self-help-treatment.htm/

[steajitos]

the mission

summary: the typical someone gets injured during the mission, furthermore their frustration of failure turns into sexual tension which drives them into having an aggressively steamy session in bed. // 2,656

warnings: 18+ smut, language, hints of violence and someone getting injured, oral sex (male receiving), unprotected sex

everyone nodded in agreement as steve stood at the far edge of the glass table, giving his final remarks on what to do on the mission. it had been days and the team was already getting impatient with the army of robots invading the city, nevertheless, things somehow kept going downhill.

you couldn’t specifically point out the flaw the mission had that made it unable to defeat the enemies sooner, but it definitely had something to do with someone fucking the plan up and deciding to execute in his own ways as there was always someone too hardheaded to actually strike for the perfect timing.

the last time the avengers tried to attack had completely backfired. just as everyone thought the team of superheroes were getting the upper hand, more androids began to emerge from some kind of black portal that had another universe on the other end. thus, having to withdraw from the battlefield and create a new game plan.

within a number of days that passed by, steve decided to split the team into groups of duos and trios. you didn’t mind getting paired with him knowing he never doubted your skills at least once and that he trusts you on helping him win this mission. although you weren���t quite sure if that was the only reason why he chose to fight with you side by side, acknowledging that you had your fair share of intimate and steamy moments with him from previous times.

“alright, i suppose everyone knows what they have to do and where they should be located at,” steve prompted, “we have been going through this for days therefore we close the portal as soon as possible and retrieve the scepter.”

everyone nodded in agreement. sooner afterward, they were gearing up in their distinguished suits and prepping their weapons for what’s about to come − in your case, you wore a prussian blue uniform, that was vaguely similar to natasha’s, and carried two distinctively sharp katanas as your weapon of choice.

“are we all set?” you asked, earning several responses of agreement before joining in with steve while the others went on with their assigned partners.

although just as a few hours had gone by, things weren’t going as smoothly as planned − believing that tony was one step ahead from the enemies, with his newly invented gadgets and improve suits, but in reality they were five steps further from your master plan. the captain sensed it too, discerning that clint and natasha were being chased by too many he could handle and that the hulk was getting swarmed all around and needed more help to escape.

no matter how great captain america’s shield is, you could see him struggling as he continued to throw the object in the air and receive it within seconds like a boomerang, hitting numbers that weren’t enough to compensate with the destruction left in the city of new york. along with that, he greatly smashed one droid with the edge of his shield, quickly running towards it and lifted both his feet to knock it out completely.

however, things were going downhill and you could see steve being bothered by that fact. his face twisted into a series of troubled emotions, thoughts getting overpowered and caused him to get a bit distracted by it which was enough grip for one of the robots to tackle him to the concrete road. in addition to that was him losing grip of his shield, now that it has flown in the air and landed far from his reach.

“steve!” it caused you to look aside and catch a sight of him and his face getting beaten up by the sharp metal figures, leaving multiple scratches and wounds all over. soon enough there were tons of droids crushing him and you could barely discern where his body was at.

it was difficult enough that you were trying to hold back against three robots, but things became more complicated once you neatly sliced them into pieces and began to dash to steve’s body that was still lying against the cold ground. he hardly coughed and looked at you with hints of blood streamed from his forehead. “you’ve got to be shitting me now, super soldier” you muttered under your breath while calling and seeking out for assistance from any of the other members in the team.

gladly, sam came to the rescue, seeing his wings dash within seconds and land close to the both of you. you were trying your best to prevent any bots to come in your way and at the same time protect captain america from obtaining more injuries. “what’s happening over with tony and bruce?” you asked while he looked upset and merely shook his head, gesturing neither of them are going well with the plan though they promised they’ll continue to fight.

"we need to take him back or else he’s going to suffer out here,“ you suggested knowing well that steve wasn’t one to give up, but he’s useless if he can’t move a muscle or let alone stand properly using his legs, and sam agreed with your decision without hesitation.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

next thing you know a day has passed and you were sitting on the edge of steve’s bed. he was dressed in his casual dark-colored clothes while resting with the serenity of his room. he hasn’t spoke a word and looked completely pissed while you didn’t question him because you already know what was bothering him and where this will all go down to – the captain frustrated that he couldn’t help out the team completely as how he planned it out – he felt devastated by it.

"you know you didn’t have to ask sam and clint for help to carry me back here, i could’ve done it myself” steve finally voiced out monotonously, shifting from his position as he now sat down and pressed his back against the wooden headboard.

“yeah and i believe you could’ve walked perfectly fine across the street in manhattan, maybe even take advantage of walking into a coffee shop downtown,” you retorted sarcastically with his face twisting into offense.

“i could’ve done my part in this and–“

“we’ve heard enough of that, steve. you’ve done so much for the team and you shouldn’t be guilty that you took part of it any less,”

“but, y/n,”

“dammit, rogers! why do you have to be stubborn and oppose to everything i say or do.” your patience was beginning to level up and you tried to avoid getting it to the best of you, but dealing with steve at his condition at the moment would be impossible.

“despite the fact that i’m perfectly healed and looking better than yesterday, you shouldn’t have underestimated me because i could’ve done something for the team.”

you were already rolling your eyes and groaning at hearing all of the nags and excuses, there was no way you were talking him out of this as his thoughts were still clouded and unreasonable. “listen, you were pretty helpless back there and i had to slice my way through more bots than i could count on my fingers alone. the people might as well thank me for saving america’s ass from it getting torn or shred into pieces.”

your face was now inches away from his, eyes throwing looks that could stab him instantly, feeling each other’s breath brush past some of the tension that was building up between the pair of you. the tip of his nose as well his scrunched up forehead were dangerously getting closer and you weren’t certain if it was you or him that was inching closer and closer. “argh! why do you always have to look this charming, makes it harder for me to get infuriated by you.”

maybe it was because of the arising tension, though it might not have been, but you couldn’t help but admire steve’s twinkling blue eyes that was further highlighted by the room’s lighting. it was always at these kinds of circumstances where you keep on falling for his dynamic features; and it was definitely moments like these where things would lead to the only thing you both had in mind – getting rid of the sexual tension, moreover the frustration you currently have with each other.

“well then maybe you shouldn’t get mad at me at all and start focusing more important subjects,” he suggested.

as things escalated, you watched steve have a quick glance of your figure from top to bottom and finally cueing an agreement. you leaned in and linked both your lips together, being all too familiar with the feeling of the steamy make up session going on. “i take it that you’re still healing so i’ll gladly take over tonight.”

hearing those words purr from your mouth immediately made steve go crazy, especially knowing that he loves being the dominant one in bed even if you had your fair share of experiences of it with him also. he groaned loudly, feeling his erection already bulging his pants and it didn’t help him further once you moved yourself from the edge of the bed and straddled your legs on both of his sides.

your fingers reached for the hem of your loose blouse and pulled it over your head, breaking the kiss for a short while, and proceeding to strip off your bra and unbutton your jeans. as you were already on the verge of being completely naked, steve was merely enjoying the view of you on top of him while he stayed still there and throbbed for your tight cunt.

he extends his muscular arm, with palms grasping gently onto your breasts, moaning as he toys around with each of them. the tip of his fingers were swirling around the top of your nipples as his actions combined with the cool breeze of the air conditioning made it become harder. “shit, you look so hot.”

a smug grin couldn’t help but convey on your face after hearing short and breathy compliments from steve. he has his way of wrapping you around his fingers and making you melt into complete putty, it was insane granting the fact that he wasn’t even in a normal, super soldier condition, yet knew what to say to make your pair of panties become soaked.

it wasn’t long before your lips had to part ways with his and began to descend, going past his flawlessly toned torso and avoiding to come in contact with the few wounds he acquired from earlier. he let out a moan once you met with the edging of his pants, giving time to unzip it and haul it down along with any other undergarments. and it was always a feast for your eyes when his dick got to sprung out.

your palms wrapped around the base of his length and subtly jerked it halfway, teasing him at first until he gets to break. maybe it was because of his weaker condition that he flinched at your touch when you tried to pump harder, but you confirmed that he wouldn’t last as long as he usually does with his condition now.

then your mouth leaned closer until the tip of his cock was pressing against your bottom lip already, hints of your drool leaking and layering over it. you didn’t waste further once you began to dip your tongue onto the slit, causing steve’s body to draw back especially with it being in time with your torturous pace. your head began to bob forward and backwards, part of it was covered with your saliva as it streamed down to your hands. although steve fairly has a great number in length, your gag reflex couldn’t help but kick in whenever the crown of his cock was reaching over the back of your throat. things were getting messier and you haven’t complete began with the fun parts.

meanwhile for steve, if only he could’ve massed enough strength to flip your body around and dominate over you, he would have. he loved being in charge, of course, being the captain america that he is. but he merely had withdrawn back and became weaker, letting you take control while he becomes a groaning disarray.

“fuck, that’s it. keep going, deeper,”

eventually, your jaw was beginning to get tired and you had to switch to an alternative plan of riding him until he gets to come inside you. once your cheeks hollowed in deeply and relaxed, you pulled back and wiped any excess liquids that were drooling on the corners of your lips using the back of your hand. you smiled, taking a closer look at his disgruntled face when he realized that you stopped giving him a blow job.

“son of a bitch, don’t tell me you’re going to stop now,” he grumbled.

“oh don’t worry, captain, things aren’t going to end here just yet.”

just like from your previous position, you went on and straddled his body but this time being completely naked on top of him. the entrance of your soaked cunt sliding and grinding on top of his hard dick, however you didn’t completely proceed on banging him just yet as you gladly moved your hips all the while covering him with layers of your wetness.

a trickle of sweat streamed down from your hairline, not to mention that steve was soaking through his shirt and his nipples were already poking through the thin apparel. your hands couldn’t help but grip onto the fabric and swiftly tear neatly into two, giving you a better view of what was underneath all of that super soldier goodness. the strength and skills you gained after training with the team definitely comes in handy during these kinds of scenarios.

“i’m moments away from cumming. just fuck me already, agent.”

you almost let out a chuckle as you enjoyed hearing him begging for you to ride him into the sunset. steve was perspiring more intensely compared to you since you became lost when you caught sight of his abs glistening with sweat with his hair dampening into a darker shade of blonde. steadily, you reached for his length and aligned it onto your entrance before sinking down and feeling your walls adjust. he was thick also and no matter how many times he got to pound into your sweet, tight pussy, it still remained rigid for him.

things were going smoothly as he entered you pretty easily, having been that you were completely wet and it granted a better access for him. and as you ground your hips against his, your ass couldn’t help but slap skin against skin which created a loud smack that echoed throughout the room. meanwhile one hand was resting on steve’s chest for support while the other was gripping onto the metal headboard that was evidently slamming against the wall.

“we might break the bed for the fourth time now,” you moaned.

steve was already getting aggressive as he strived to thrust his hips into your cunt while you were still on top of him. he plastered a look on his face that was hard to identify but it was mostly because he was problematic yet acutely driven with sex, “i don’t care. so far i only care about filling your tight pussy with my come.”

before you know it your mouth was agape all the while steve gave his last whimper and got to cum inside of you. you could feel every inch of it dripping down past the inside of your thighs while his dick slowly throbbed and emptied itself. everything was intense, both your breaths were rapid and panting loudly enough that the other room still could be hearing it, and you felt too hazy and exhausted.

“next time it’s my turn,” steve puffs while trying to turn the corners of his mouth into a grin.

[kitcat992]

Chapters: 1/27 Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Doctor Strange (2016), Captain America (Movies), Black Panther (2018), Spider-Man - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Shuri & T'Challa (Marvel), James “Bucky” Barnes & Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Wanda Maximoff & Peter Parker Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Wanda Maximoff, Vision (Marvel), Sam Wilson (Marvel), Bucky Barnes, James “Rhodey” Rhodes, May Parker (Spider-Man), Karen (Spider-Man: Homecoming), Friday (Marvel), Happy Hogan, Stephen Strange, Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds, Harry Osborn, Norman Osborn, T'Challa (Marvel), Shuri (Marvel) Additional Tags: Angst, Drama, Suspense, Mild Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Hurt Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Protective Tony Stark, Protective Avengers, Action, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Avengers Family, Comic Book Science, Panic Attacks, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Irondad, spiderson, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker’s Parental Figure, Found Family, Story Continuation, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Possessive Venom Symbiote (Marvel), Peter Parker has the Venom Symbiote Series: Part 2 of Identity Saga Summary:

It’s been months since Rasputin and Disappear-O the Magnificent almost sent Tony and the others to a watery grave. Things have been pleasantly looking up since then. For starters, Tony felt as close as ever with the kid. Of course, trying to distinguish the difference between normal teenage angst and something else that could be seriously wrong with his protege was proving to be…a challenge. And walking into the kitchen to find the Winter Soldier eating his food was not helping.

Meanwhile, Peter has a whole new school year to look forward to. And with the addition of old friends popping back into his life, he was sure things could only get better for him. Sleeping was a little rough lately, no big deal. And he really needed to figure out how to remove this black slime from his backpack.

But yeah, everything’s great.

Things were great.

(Or: OsCorp is inadvertently ruining everyone’s life and Tony is done with this B.S. Protective Avengers, Shameless Peter Whump, heavy handed Irondad.)

[avengersmusings]

FULL NAME: Steven Grant Rogers MEANING: Crown, Wreath NICKNAME: Steve, Stevie, Cap, Daddy MEANING: Steve’s a shortened version of his name; Stevie was a nickname started by his mom and picked up by Bucky; Cap is usually what the team calls him; Daddy is Elise’s name for him :) AGE APPEARANCE: Appears 30, is actually 102 BIRTHDAY: July 4th, 1917 ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Cancer SPECIES: Enhanced Human GENDER: Cis Male ALLERGIES: None SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Bisexual THEME SONG(S): America’s Suitehearts by Fall Out Boy; Dancing with Our Hands Tied by Taylor Swift, Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley; Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

APPEARANCE

HAIR COLOR:  Dark Blonde/Light Brown HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: Close cut in the back with a little bit extra on top. Think Infinity War style hair.  EYES COLOR: Blue EYESIGHT: 20/20, now. Holy shit it was terrible before the serum. HEIGHT: 6″2′ WEIGHT: 230 lbs OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: The uniform is a must on mission but when he’s being Steve and not Captain America it’s kahkis and plaid shirts and button ups and old man clothes. ABNORMALITIES: None. DISTINGUISHING MARKS(SCARS,MOLES): Stretch marks along hips and stomach area from serum, small injection scars from the serum, and that’s about it. Maybe some moles here and there. SELF CARE(MAKE UP): Steve always looks put together okay, the 40s shoved that into him and won’t let go. FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: People either underestimate him because they think he’s a “dumb blonde” or immediately respect him because he’s Captain America. SKIN COLOR: White mixed BODY TYPE/BUILD: Lean, Muscular, built like fucking truck with a tiny ass waist.  DEFAULT EXPRESSION: It’s either “I have no idea what I’m doing” or “you WILL follow orders” there’s no in between. POSTURE: Honestly it depends? Steve makes himself smaller and tries not take up too much space but Cap? Takes up space and commands the room when walking in. PIERCINGS: None. DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: Steve’s voice has a subtle Brooklyn accent and takes on a softer tone than you’d expect out of him. His voice hardens and deepens when he goes in Captain mode.

RELATIONS:

MOM: Sarah Rogers HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Steve’s mom was his whole world before she died. Sarah took care of him when he was sick and her death almost ruined him. DAD: Joseph Rogers HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Joseph died when Steve was young, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t remember how terrible his father was. The man was abusive and the day he got shipped off to WW1 was the best day for Steve and Sarah. SIBLINGS: N/A HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A CHILDREN: N/A HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS: N/A PAST LOVER(S): Peggy Carter (Ex-Crush) CURRENT LOVER: Elise Burke and Bucky Barnes REACTION TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: Steve can talk to anyone okay, he makes friends with everyone he meets. ABILITY TO WORK WITH OTHERS: Steve is a team player you cannot tell me he isn’t.  HOW SOCIABLE(LONER,ETC): Steve is basically a puppy he’s sociable and outgoing. FRIENDS: The Avengers team, Wanda Maximoff, Elise, Bucky. PETS: Scout, a golden retriever. LEAST FAVORITE TYPE OF PERSON: Bullies, men who take advantage of other people. PARENTAL TYPE(PROTECTIVE,ETC): Protective, Will do anything and everything for his kid. FAVORITE PEOPLE: Elise, Bucky, Clint, Thor, the rest of the Avengers LEAST FAVORITE PEOPLE: Red Skull, Bullies, ignorant people.

PERSONALITY:

..WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM: ? Distant, Confident, and Inspiring ..AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY LIKE YOU): Affectionate, Warm, Funny. ..AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY DISLIKE YOU): Intimidating, Closed Off, Guarded. FAVORITE COLOR: Blue FAVORITE FOOD: New York Style pizza, hot dogs, anything covered in cheese thanks. FAVORITE ANIMAL: Doggos FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: Saxophone FAVORITE ELEMENT: Air LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: Yellow LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Anything from the 40s. LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: Emus, the bullies of the animal kingdom. LEAST FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: Honestly none of them? LEAST FAVORITE ELEMENT: Water HOBBIES: Art, slow dancing, warm baths or lounging in sunlight. USUAL MOOD: Friendly and approachable but also keeping a slight aura of leadership.

DRINK/SMOKE/DRUGS: Nope, not really. None of them have much affect on him and he was too sick to get into the 40s habit of smoking. DARK VERSION OF SELF: Most likely brainwashed into believing Hyrda is right, follows any order without hesitate or regard for civilian life, the “perfect Soldier”. LIGHT VERSION OF SELF: Intelligent, quick to make a call that will save as many people as possible, rushing headlong into trouble to help out a civilian. HOW SERIOUS ARE THEY: In Cap mode? Full on serious nothing can make him crack, but as Steve? He’s somewhere in the middle. BELIEVE IN GHOSTS: No. If so his dad would probably be hanging around and he doesn’t want that. (IN)DEPENDANT: Both honestly? Like Steve likes to pretend to be this independent person who doesn’t need help, but he also secretly craves it. So I’d say somewhere in the middle. SOFT SPOT/VULNERABILITY: BUCKY AND ELISE, failing the team or not saving something, doing something without regard to personal safety or well being. OPINION ON SWEARING: Steve won’t curse in public okay, that’s the 40s “good Catholic boy” upbringing in him but in private? He was in the army and BUCKY IS HIS BEST FRIEND :) DAREDEVIL VS CAUTIOUS: Steve “I don’t know what a parachute is” Rogers is the opposite of cautious. MUSIC TYPE: Older, softer music. MOVIE TYPE: Romantic Comedies, Comedies in general, Musicals. BOOK TYPE: History books, and then he gets mad about facts that are wrong. GAME TYPE: Cards, maybe? Those have been around for a while so they haven’t changed that much. COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE: Steve would rather die than be cold. He enjoys warmer weather and sunshine and just not being cold. SLEEPING PATTERN: Steve’s an old man that’s in bed before 10 and up at like 8. He also takes up A TON of space in the bed and basically smothers whoever he’s sleeping with.  CLEANLINESS/NEATNESS: Steve prefers things to be neat and orderly but isn’t bothered by a little mess. As long as it doesn’t get too bad or become a habit. DESIRED PET: So many dogs. HOW DO THEY PASS TIME: Doodling on scrap papers, boxing, lounging around in sunshine or warm spaces. BIGGEST SECRET: I feel like Steve really doesn’t have secrets? Maybe his dad being abusive because he doesn’t really want to talk about it. HERO/WHO THEY LOOK UP TO: Bucky and Elise. WHAT ANIMAL WOULD THEY BE: A golden retriever. FEARS: Being trapped in a cold, tight space, losing Elise or Bucky, failing the team and causing someone’s death, being lost in time again. COMFORTS: Elise’s perfume and Bucky’s aftershave, running laps with Scout, his mom’s old records, and reruns of old cartoons.

HOW DO THEY ACT WHEN THEY ARE:

SAD: Steve distants himself when he’s sad. A leader isn’t allowed to show weakness and sadness is one. He also likes talking through things that make him sad. HAPPY: Playful, energetic, probably smothering you with his biceps on accident because he gets touchy feely and wants a hug. ANGRY: Depending on how angry; it’s either the “you’ve messed up” face of disappointment or cold fury with biting, harsh words. Fists will also be thrown if he gets angry enough. AFRAID: Again, this is a weakness a leader isn’t supposed to show so Steve tries to hide it as much as possible. He withdraws and hides away until he works it out on his own or someone finds him. LOVE SOMEONE: SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW BODYGUARD/BEST FRIEND. Steve will literally do anything for someone he loves. Anything. He’s loyal beyond believe and up for anything they ask him. HATE SOMEONE: Steve doesn’t hate that many people but those he does quickly realize that an angry Captain America is not something you want coming at you. WANT SOMETHING: Steve? Allowing himself to get what he wants? Don’t know her. He’s the definition of “waiting over 70 years to tell my best friend i love him” type of guy. CONFUSED: You know that cute look dogs get when they’re confused and trying to work things out? That’s Steve thanks.

HOW DO THEY REACT TO:

DANGER: Danger is Steve’s middle name because he cannot stop himself from running headfirst into it.  SOMEONE THEY HATE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THEM: Steve gets confused because he still sees himself as the tiny 90 pound scrawny kid and nobody really wanted that. PROPOSAL TO MARRY: Steve’s not against the idea of marriage, but it’s also not something he knows they can really do? So I don’t really know how he’d react to that. DEATH OF LOVED ONE: Each loss feels like a personal defeat for Steve so it’s twice as bad. But after losing pretty much everyone he’s ever cared about (even if Bucky came back) it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. DIFFICULT GAME/MATH/ETC: That’s something that gets tossed aside until he has time to work it out, or send it to someone that can solve it quicker. INJURY: Steve gets injured and doesn’t realize it until after the mission is over like every time they go out. However, if one of his team gets injured, he’s taking down whoever hurt them. SOMETHING IRRESISTABLY CUTE: Steve immediately wants to go over and hold whatever it is. Babies, dogs, you name it. LOSS OF HOURS OF WORK: ........no this doesn’t happen.

KNOWLEDGE:

LANGUAGES: English, ASL, French, a little German. SCHOOLING LEVEL: High School & Some Art School FAVORITE SUBJECT (S): Art, History, & Writing INTERESTED CAREERS: An artist, maybe?   EXPERTISE: Combat, Shield Mastery, Master Tactician, Enhanced capabilities PUZZLES: Puzzles take him a minute but the serum helps him figure them out rather quickly. CHEMISTRY: Chemistry is probably NOT Steve’s forte but he can follow along with basic things. MATH: Again, not his forte but he understand basic things. Plus throwing the shield takes some math skills. ENGLISH: Steve was surprisingly good at English in school, from interpreting things to reading above grade level. It was one of the few interests he had that didn’t make him sicker. GEOGRAPHY: Steve can read and understand maps. POLITICS/LAW: Politics and the Law are Steve’s thing. He frequently fights against people on the internet about their political views and will fight against laws he doesn’t agree with. ECONOMY/ACCOUNTING: The economy doesn’t really interest Steve, but he’s fully aware of the class divide and how bad some people have it. Current situations remind him a lot of pre-Depression times so he tries to help out as much as possible. COOKING: Steve cannot cook, he tries but cannot. SEWING: Sarah taught Steve at a young age how to sew because “if you’re going to keep ruining your clothes it’s time you learned to fix ‘em yourself STEVEN”. MECHANICS: Steve knows OF cars yes. BOTANY (FLOWERS): Besides the fact that flowers are a thing? Not so much. MYTHOLOGY: This is probably another subject Steve doesn’t know much about, it conflicts with his Catholic views he had growing up. DRAMATICS(ACTING,SINGING): God Steve hates even thinking about this because of the Cap tour. Ouch. READING LEVEL: Above average. Steve read for fun while sick so he’s well above where he should be. HOW GOOD ARE THEY AT PLANNING AHEAD: Steve lives off planning ahead okay. It’s his JOB as team leader to be 4 steps ahead of everyone and the bad guys. Rip Steveo.

ROMANCE:

DO THEY TAKE INITIATIVE: No, not really. He’s more content to be pulled around and go with the flow. HOW DO THEY ACT(SHY,ETC): In public? Shy, 40s boy out to play. In private? Probably the same what a loser. GENTLEMAN/LADYLIKE VS KLUTZY: Gentleman-like, please.  GO SLOW VS JUMP INTO: S L O W as fuck. PROTECTIVE: Hi hello have you met Steve? ACT LIKE FRIENDS OR LOVERS:  B O T H. WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO THEY BUY: Steve’s always bringing home flowers or gifts just because. Things for Elise to wear or a plant for the house? Also a random homeless puppy? Yeah Steve’s probably brought it all home at some point. TYPE OF KISSER: Honestly, Steve’s probably soft because he’s a soft boy but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when he can be rough :) DO THEY WANT KIDS: He can’t have them but he wouldn’t mind having one. DO THEY WANT TO MARRY: Yes, even though he really cant. MAKE GOOD OR BAD DECISIONS: Bad decisions are unintentionally made because Steve is a reckless idiot.  ARE THEY ROMANTIC: Y E S. HOW ARE THEY IN BED: Steve likes making sure both Elise and Bucky are well taken care of even at the expense of his own pleasure okay.  GET JEALOUS EASY: Not really? After everything they’ve all been through none of them really have to worry about anything. WIFE/HUBBY BEATER: You mean beating up people that do this? Hell yeah. MARRY FOR MONEY: Nope. FAVORITE POSITION: Steve enjoys being plowed by Bucky while Elise is on top of him thanks. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ON THEIR DREAM DATE: Naked art time. Just using Bucky and Elise as a canvas and making a mess while doing it? Yes please. OPINION ON SEX: Sex was always something Steve wasn’t really interested in? Mostly because nobody wanted him (or so he thought) but now that he has two people that always want him? It’s a good workout and way to spend time with his two favorite people.

[the-canary]

Stay Gold - B.B (3/5)

Summary: Ours doesn’t have a happy ending, but I’ll give you everything else. (Reader/Mobster!Bucky Barnes) 

Prompt: Everlong - Foo Fighters

A/N: this is for @tropicalcap‘s 4k writing challenge. The in-between of things, it will get happier (sort of) after this. 

Bucky doesn’t come back the same after the war.

The first thing that you notice when you and his sisters pick him up from the Manson General Hospital near Long Island is that there is haggard and tired look on Bucky’s face. Once sparkling blue eyes away refuse to look at you, you lean into his left side like you were always used to -- that’s when you feel, or really don’t, the second part that seems to be missing from James.

He flinches away from you, as you move back awkwardly. It takes two more weeks after your first meeting for him to be discharged, that’s when the real truth of what has been lost come forth as your husband often locks himself in the little room in the back of the apartment.

You’re unable to do anything for him and that makes you feel even more useless, but--

The saddest thing is in the middle of the night when he screams and screams because unlike him--

Stevie didn’t come back at all.

Life post-Bucky coming back isn’t easier, there are days where he is irritable and those were he doesn’t talk to you at all, but you are at least not as burned about food and immediate necessities due to his disability pension and the money you get from your family from time to time. It isn’t without a look of disapproval from your father, though he might understand a bit better from his own experience back when he was a soldier.

So, this you stay silent and wait for Bucky, just like you had done before. You place always placed flowers on the little table of the room where he has housed himself. You smile and place his meal in front of him when he decides to come out.

His sisters make him come out from time to time for a walk or something else. He talks softly with his ma when you aren’t in the room, she worries too much. Sometimes, when he’s in a good mood, you even get him to dance with you in the kitchen area as an old familiar song starts to play on the radio you bought when he was away.

On the day when he sees a letter from one Howard Stark, he kisses you softly on the cheek and gives an awkward sort of smile as you try not to cry right then and there.

The world needs Bucky Barnes once to celebrate once the war is officially declared over and done with. They dress him in his crisp uniform and new metal arm thanks to one Howard Stark to parade him around with medals and to talk about the hero of the hour -- Captain America, Steve Rogers.

But, nobody will remember Stevie the way he does -- scrawny and always fighting the bullies in some Brooklyn back alley. Deep down, he doesn’t know how he’ll be remembered either or what he wants to do with the rest of his life -- it had always been Steve, him and Brooklyn. Eventually, that became the three of you and Brooklyn -- later one Steve had bashfully talked about adding Peggy into the picture when the war was over.

That bloody aircraft and train had taken two lives that day and Bucky was unsure how to move forward with his own, especially when he had a small family --you and his sisters and ma-- to take of.

There was only so much he could do and it wasn’t enough. So, as you mingled with people, Bucky sat in the back with the rest of the garnished soldiers and drank until he almost couldn’t forget.

“Ah, the man of the hour,” he hears someone saying from behind him. Bucky tries to ignore that fact that that shouldn’t be possible, as he turns and meets with an older, distinguished looking man though with a smile compared to how your father tended to look at him, “Exactly who I was looking for.”    

“And ‘ow can I help ya, sir?” Bucky asks with his Brooklyn accent coming in as a slur from all the alcohol he was drinking, though he didn’t exactly feel drunk. He glances at the dance floor, where you’re smiling --carefree and bubbly that has his heart racing all over again-- with some other pretty girls over something before looking back at the man.

“I just had a proposition for work,” the man starts off, “That you a man of your talents might be interested in.”

Blue meets blue and that the first time Bucky Barnes meets Alexander Pierce.

“When will you be coming home?”

It’s the question you always ask when he’s away. The sorrowful sound of your voice always gets to him, but Bucky knows that what he is doing is for a good cost, for the people of New York -- like when he was with Steve and the Howling Commandos. And in the end, you’ll be getting the pretty dress and home he had always promised.

It makes the distance and sadness easier to push down when he thinks of your smiling face, as he washes away the blood from his hands. The rest of the crew go back downstairs and get wasted drunk with all the gals that Pierce seems to have underneath his control.

“Soon, doll,” he whispers back, full of love and lose as the adrenaline of emotions from the hunt and kill begin to die down. You tell him a couple of more things before whispering good night.

He lays back down on the makeshift cot thinking of all the things he’ll get with the next big boom they are getting ready for -- he dreams of pearls and fancy dinners with you smiling in a pretty dress.

He dreams of the old days and good old Brooklyn with Stevie and you at his side.

“Is this really all ours?” you gasp at the size of the mansion from the outside as Bucky smiles at you from his seat in the brand new car.

“All ours, sweetheart,” he grins and you can’t help but grin at how handsome he looks with his hair slicked back and in a three-piece suit.

So much had changed in the year since he had started working for Pierce and while he could be away for weeks at a time, Bucky always made time for you when he got back and as the money started to come in he planned on moving you to an area where the weather was nicer -- Albany had been the answer, as his boss had suggested. And while James would miss  Brooklyn, neither he nor the area where quite the same anymore, so he promised to keep sending money to his ma and putting his sisters through school but you two were gone.

It was a little sad, but Bucky had big plans for the future for the two of you.  

“So,” he starts off while getting out of the car to open the door for you, “What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful, Bucky,” you smile as he grins with lovestruck eyes, though you soon realize that the movers aren’t there yet, “But, where are all out things?”

“They’ll be coming tomorrow morning,” he explains as you look at him in confusion before he places his arm around your waist and leans into where your neck meets your dress, “Tonight, it’s just you and me, Mrs. Barnes.”

“And what could you be thinking about, Mr. Barnes?”

It’s the last thing you really get to say before squealing as the man picks you up and takes you down the pathway to your new home. Laughter and love clearly being a part of whatever is going to move forward for the Barnes family.

It isn’t that easy though because as James seems to be climbing more and more within Pierce’s organization, the sicker you seem to be getting. He fills the house with doctors and helpers to make your life easier, though he barely gets to see you nowadays as he spends more time abroad in missions and trying to make sure Pierce’s empire stays intact.

He regrets it all, but it is for your best interest.

(Would Steve be alright with what you are doing? He remembers Pegs asking him when they meet in London by accident. He drinks the rest of the night because the truth of it all, but there isn’t a way for him to turn back now.)

He stands in the middle of the room as said man brings a red-haired girl into the room. Blue meets blue once more, as Pierce gives him a sick grin.

“This is Natasha,” Pierce declares, “She will be your personal assistant and shadow from now on.”  

James frowns looking at the red-haired girl as she stares blankly back at him before Pierce dismisses them. He can’t but wonder how he is going to explain this to you.

He doesn’t, just like everything else about his job.

Bucky gets more irritated over the time he spends at home. You smile at him full of love and adoration, but all he can do is yell at you over the roses and then he destroys the whole garden. He worried over you being around too many people and sends you to your shared room during parties where the people that know what he does could spill to you at any second -- and he doesn’t need that, he doesn’t want you to know.  

Bucky begins to shut you out of fear and desperation, but you don’t know that as he spends more time in his study than anywhere else -- won’t even you anymore because he dreams of blood spilled and the guts in his hands and he doesn’t any of that for you. But, he doesn’t know how to say all that -- his voice dies every time you look at him.

He just doesn’t know that the shine in your eyes dims every time as well, and you aren’t sure where you went wrong.

“Have you tried writing him a letter?” the pretty, new blond maid remarks offhandedly as you sit in your lonesome bed one day. You give her a brief smile before asking her to bring you some paper and a pen.

Yelena smirks as she makes it out of the bedroom and into the dark hallway. Her plan slowly moving into fruition, all she needs is patience and a steady hand.

He saves Natasha from a stray bullet during one of their missions.

She tries to kiss him the following evening. She is confused and stares with him with those big, green eyes as and James can’t help but wonder all the hell that she has gone through before he had met her.

“I love my wife with everything I have,” he declares with a steady hand as he pushes her down on the small kitchen chair, “You and I are comrades, nothing more and nothing less.”

She nods silently before getting back to her meal. James leaves the room, hoping that you’re awake so that he can hear your voice once more.

It’s the only thing keeping him moving forward at times.

He doesn’t know that a young girl pledges her life to him that night, right then and there.

If you had only been that faithful, he can’t help but think as the blond maid gives him the piles and handful of letters in your writing but with other men’s names.

“How long?” he stutters unsure, not quite believing when the proof is right in front of his face.

“Some time now, boss,” the blond --Yelena- answers back as she watches the man breathe slowly from another knife wound that he had barely survived, though you didn’t know that.   

He yells at her to leave and tries his hardest not to cry right then and there -- not sure where he had gone wrong but knowing perfectly the reason why something like this might have happened.

You wonder who she is and when she came into his life. The redhead follows James like a shadow, but you can barely get an answer out of him. He could barely look at you at the time before turning to walk away to the other side. You are treated with silence and ignored by anyone that doesn’t know who you are.

You’re James Buchanan Barnes’ wife, but you don’t feel like that at all anymore. You wonder where you went wrong, why you are ending up just like your mother had once?

“Have you tried writing him another letter?”

That’s the only advice Yelena has for you, as you try not to cry on the parchment when writing about when he had taken you to Coney Island once. You’re trying so hard to reach out to his heart, as he keeps moving farther and farther away.

You didn’t know that in a house that had been built on such happy dreams and notions, there were two dead people walking inside of it and one snake making perfect use of all that.

[spiderlinged-blog]

Signs as Marvel Characters

Aries: Starlord, Peter Quill!

you are often sarcastic, & may hurt others in your attempt at doing something you believe in. you have a carefree nature, & you’re a very bright individual regardless of how hard you try to keep it hidden! you claim people don’t care, but that is no incentive for you to ignore your problems. next time, don’t wake thanos or you’ll have to be yeeted, sorry.

Taurus: Ironman, Tony Stark!

just like aries, you seem to use sarcasm in spite of not showing how you really feel, people enjoy telling you about their problems & letting you help them find a resolution; although most of the advice you give isn’t as great as you think, & you’d never take it yourself. whoever brings you food has your heart forever. you’re aquarius’ best friend, even if you bother them with nonsense on a daily basis; they love you. you’re scared of taking risks when it matters most, learn to pace yourself. it’s alright to fail, but it’s never alright to stop trying. also, stop breathing as much as possible because you’re using too much oxygen, we don’t want you out in space dying, right?

Gemini: Spiderman, Peter Parker!

your friends call you the meme king, so congratulations on that title; because it seems you send too many memes to your friends on instagram, & most of them blocked you. you enjoy reading & mostly playing video games instead of dealing with your problems, you’re very smart when you want to be — one time you quoted a vine on your essay, you got an F+ but when the time comes you’re ready to take on anything life throws in your face; like a purple gra- wait, nvm.

Cancer: Captain America, Steve Rogers!

you’re too serious. stop it, get some help, or get yeeted..again, but this time just out of the group chat.

Leo: Hawkeye, Clint Barton!

you hold many titles, like gemini you try to slip in as many vine references as you can to defuse a situation. you’re the friend to not pick sides & just love to make others laugh. you want someone to talk to, but everyone rarely takes you seriously, ease up on the humor & let your feelings out more & express yourself. remember; gen z humor isn’t always a great coping mechanism.

Virgo: The God Of Thunder, Thor!

you get along with mostly everyone, you have a bleeding heart, almost always complimenting your friends. you’re not the one to give advice but to receive it, you want to make the best decision as it effects the others positively, even if it doesn’t mean the same for you. you put everyone’s happiness before your own, which is selfless but also dangerous. you always try to understand someone’s perspective & see where they’re coming from. you spam uwu in the group chat & everyone always leaves you on read. take some time and discover more within yourself, your happiness can’t always be the peak of someone else’s.

Libra: Hulk, Bruce Banner!

you are always strong enough (although not always physically, but you always are mentally) you are so brave & yet; you are so powerful. don't let others tell you that you don't have the strength or the courage to do something. the world is forever in your grasp, don’t be provoked into thinking otherwise. you can do anything. continue to try on everything that makes you content.

Scorpio: The Mad Titan, Thanos!

you believe in balance, & you’d do anything to make someone see your view on things, you can adapt quite easily; just as easily as distinguishing those who aren’t for you. you are deceitful but your perception is never wrong. you’re self absorbed on most days, & you frequently imagine what the world would be like if you could erase a few billion people.

Sagittarius: The God Of Mischief, Loki Laufeyson!

you’re ambitious, yet so devoted, anything you claim you want to do gets achieved no matter the circumstances. you are very short tempered & competitive, first isn’t always good enough for you. people may think you’re self interested because your egocentric tendencies, which isn’t all that true — you have goals, & if necessary you will use others as stepping stones to get where you need to be; that includes manipulating anyone who seems to be a factor in your objective.

Capricorn: Falcon, Sam Wilson!

people only know you as, well, the comical mom friend of the group. you constantly find yourself worrying over your friends, or bullying them with love; one could say it is your adoring personality. you’re not afraid to try new things. you believe everything is achievable if you try hard enough, ‘what’s the point if you don’t try’ is your common catchphrase as you proceed to cover all the answers on your test. sharing is caring so please let your friends get a decent grade, some of us don’t have time to study & would rather be on social media. btw, you never get added to the group chat, blame gemini.

Aquarius: Antman, Scott Lang!

you love making jokes & insulting your friends out of love, but you’re quick to apologize because hurting a friend would never be intentional on your behalf. ease up; god is watching. when you’re not laughing uncontrollably you’re wearing your heart on your sleeve in hopes of spreading love and appreciation to where it’s needed. you’re a mix of witted & softhearted, you can easily switch between the two whenever it is needed or should i say in a SNAP of a finger? you’re the therapist friend, always there when anyone lacks guidance, but usually no one is there for you, at least that’s what you think. however, taurus loves you — let them help you as much as you helped them. focus on yourself more & open up.

Pisces: Venom(/)Eddie Brock!

you sometimes are the punching bag in certain situations; you may feel like it would trouble some if you’d share how uncomfortable the current issue is weighing on you, but you can’t always continue to be berated for something you have no control nor power over. you are constantly, constantly, moving forward even when you don't feel like it. your mind is growing, learning & evolving. don't be upset with yourself when you feel as if you're stuck.

[missnighttigress]

Happy’s Orders

Characters: Steve Rogers, Captain America, Iron Man, Iron Woman, Tony Stark, Fem!Tony Stark, Toni Stark

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Toni Stark, Steve Rogers x Tony Stark, Steve Rogers x Fem!Tony Stark, Stony, Stoni

Word Count: 3,072

Summary: Happy Hogan has some advice for his billionaire boss Toni Stark after a sour meeting with the Avengers who remain after the snap from the Infinity Gauntlet. The advice concerns a certain Captain America, who is still at odds with Toni. Will the scorned Iron Woman heed Happy’s advice, and take advantage of the opportunity presented to her?

Warnings: Avengers: Infinity War Spoilers, slight swearing, angst

A/N: This is actually a little snippet from something I’m working on, a very lengthy and angsty fic after Infinity War between Toni and Steve. I hope you enjoy! If you could please let me know what you think, I would appreciate it. It will help improve the bigger work as a whole!

AO3 Link

“Having a meeting this soon after the culling was a fabulous idea, Toni,” the billionaire hissed at herself as she locked the door to her suite at the Avengers compound. “Yeah, because everyone was going to have a level head, right?”

“Things didn’t go so well, I take it?”

Happy’s voice startled her, causing her to jump a bit. She hadn’t been expecting him to be in her suite, or to have heard her complaining. “What gave it away, Captain Obvious?” she snarked, glaring across the room to where Happy had turned around in the chair he had been occupying. “No. Spangles and I were at each other’s throats before I adjourned it.”

“Again?” He folded up the paper he had been reading and rose to his feet to face her. “Y’know, nothing is going to get solved or move on until you two just kiss and make up already.”

Her face had already been heated from the argument with Steve in the meeting, but that idea of pressing her lips to the Captain’s made her blush further. She only hoped Happy couldn’t distinguish the difference. “Ah, yes. One heavy make-out session and boom! Everything will be hunky dory. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“It’s a figure of speech.” He cocked his head to the side. “What the hell even happened?”

Her shoulders rolled in a shrug, bunching up the sleeves of her wine-colored blouse along with them. “He doesn’t think I have my priorities straight, and he’s still angry at me over signing the damn Accords.”

There was a pause as Happy took what Toni said into consideration before he piped up, “You know, Toni, he’s wrong.”

Her chocolate eyes watched him warily. She knew a smart ass response was coming.

“Neither one of you have your priorities straight.”

And there it was. “Who’s side are you even on, Benedict Arnold?” she snarled.

“Haven’t I always been on yours, or at least most of the time? You both have your priorities misconstrued. You’re both trying to fix the house and lay brick without the mortar, the glue.”

He advanced over to where Toni was standing near the door as he prepared to leave. “He was your level head and you were his right hand. You two need to figure things out on how to become whole together again before starting on the path to fixing everything. You can’t always run before learning how to walk.”

With that, he was out the door, leaving Toni with only her thoughts and an unlocked door

Over the course of the next few days, Toni found ways to busy herself around her suite and the lab, shutting herself off from the rest of the group. After the argument with Steve and then the conversation with Happy, she felt it best to just keep to herself. Maybe that would give her a chance to reflect on things with the super soldier.

In a way, she was correct. Her mind kept drifting to the baby-blue-eyed blond. She thought about their initial introduction, how terse and abrasive they were to each other before they finally began to mesh after the death of Agent Coulson. Her recollection showed her the night Ultron broke out of the lab, the moments right before when the team had been drinking together and she and Steve were flashing flirty glances at each other. At least, Toni thought they were flirty. Then again, given her former playgirl title, she could have completely misread everything.

Even if she did misread everything, she was helpless as an attraction blossomed for Steve. He worried about everyone on the team, but paid special attention to her, something she wasn’t necessarily used to. He’d make sure her bruises were all tended to, that she ate after really rough missions. He put in a lot of effort to show he was there for her…

Until suddenly, he wasn’t.

That was why it was heart-wrenching when he chose Barnes over her, when they fought in that Siberian compound. It was like she didn’t even exist to him anymore. He elected not to tell her about her parents just to keep his old pal around. She could forgive him for not signing the Sokovia Accords. She even admitted that the document was a mistake, though her heart was initially in the right place. The abandonment and secret-keeping issues, however...those were going to be harder to forgive, even with his stupid letter.

Those memories played out in her brain every day, along with thinking about what Happy had told her. She and Steve were essentially the glue that held the team together. If they weren’t at odds, maybe they would have all been able to stop Thanos together.

Maybe then Pepper and that spider kid, Peter Parker, would have still been around.

It was late one night when Toni was having all these thoughts again, and they were just agitating the billionaire more. In an effort to distract herself, she figured it was time to finally bite the bullet and write the official public relations statement on the culling.

She sat cross-legged on her enormous king bed, laptop on her calves while three semi-transparent screens hovered in front of her face. One was for referencing previous press releases Pepper made, one was for accessing the Associated Press stylebook so little to no editing had to be done for the papers, and one was for news streams. As much as she didn’t want to relive the tragedy, the streams would help her think of material.

She nearly detached herself from everything outside of her bedroom until a loud knocking was heard on the front door to her suite.

“Miss Stark, you have a visitor,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice trilled into her bedroom.

Toni snorted. “Thanks for the newsflash. Who is it?”

“It’s Captain Rogers requesting entrance, Miss.”

Toni’s heart did a massive flip in her body. “Steve? I’m surprised he’s even here.”

“I don’t see why, Miss. Captain Rogers has been on property since landing from Wakanda. In fact, several times this week surveillance has captured him pacing by your suite door.”

He stayed? That was rather shocking to the billionaire. She thought for sure after their argument he would have went all nomad again and disappeared into the night. Another thunderous rap on her door broke her from her thoughts. “And I thought I was impatient.”

“Shall I get the door, Miss?”

Long, caramel brown tendrils shuddered as Toni shook her head, slithering off her bed and padding across the room and into the hall. “I’ll welcome our guest, F.R.I.D.A.Y. Thank you.”

She reached the door in no time, her lithe fingers curling around the deadbolt before she glanced down at her wardrobe. Donning black sleeping shorts and her favorite AC/DC t-shirt, she wasn’t exactly dressed to impress. Oh well. Her suite, her rules.

Flicking the deadbolt, she yanked on the door handle to get the door open. Once she did, her breath caught in her throat.There stood Steve, his blond locks looking disheveled, his eyes baggy. He wasn’t dressed to the nines either by any means, wearing loose gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. But damn it if those baby blues weren’t still jaw-dropping and heart-stopping. His beard twitched ever so slightly in a sign of a slight smirk. “Hey there, Toni,” he drawled, voice low.

“Hey yourself,” she breathed.

Eyes locked on one another, neither one of them moved for a tense moment. It was Steve who broke it first, nodding his head toward the living room. “Can I, uh, come in?”

Toni shook her head to break herself from her thoughts before hurriedly opening the door wider to welcome him in. “Yeah, come on in. If we’re gonna argue, I rather it be behind closed doors anyway. Less embarrassing.”

He sighed as he sauntered in, pacing around her large black sectional before taking a seat on the chaise lounge. “I didn’t come here to argue, Toni. Trust me.”

Closing and locking the door, she couldn’t help but snort in amusement. “That’s kind of hard to do, all things considered.”

The super soldier sighed in irritation, but he chose to ignore her little quip. His eyes locked on her again before he chuckled. “You know, you can come in. This is your suite after all.”

She was being a rude host, it was true. Her bare feet padded across the light silver carpet to the white chair beside the sectional, where she sat at the very edge. “I’m surprised you’re even here, Capsicle. I was certain after the meeting a few days ago you were going to vanish again.”

His brow furrowed. “Do you really think me a lesser man? You think I just run away from my problems?”

A scoff ripped from her throat. “Is that what I am, Steve? A problem?”

“Right now, you sure as hell aren’t being a solution. I can sure tell you that.”

There was a terse moment of silence between them as they glared at each other. Toni really caught a look at Steve’s face. The word “exhausted” didn’t even seem to cover it.

“You haven’t been sleeping, have you?”

“You haven’t either.” He leaned back, calloused hand reaching around to rub his neck. “It’s difficult to think about sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I lose all of them again. I see Vision, Wanda, T’challa…”

“Barnes.”

His gaze shifted back to her as his best friend’s name fell like acid from her lips. Apparently, she wasn’t done arguing just yet. He braced himself for whatever verbal lashing she had in store for him.

None came. Instead, her palms rubbed together as she fidgeted in her seat. “I know what you mean,” she muttered, voice barely above a whisper, “I saw quite a few people disappear myself. Hell...I even lost the kid.” Just thinking about Peter made her swallow thickly.

She could feel Steve watching her, waiting for her to explode, either into tears or a ball of rage. Instead, she rose to her feet and began pacing in front of him. “I don’t...I don’t really want to think about it. Yet it’s all I’ve been thinking about all night, trying to write this stupid press release. I just...I want to find a way to reverse it, to bring them all back or just find that bastard and blow his brains out, something!”

Steve sighed from the chaise lounge before pushing himself to his feet, closing a bit of the distance between him and the Iron Woman. “Toni.”

The way he said her name made her attention snap to him.

“The only way we are going to fix this, or move on from it...is if we fix this.” A finger gestured between them. “Us.”

She snorted in response. “How can we fix this, Steve? Huh? Do you know?”

“If this is about the Accords-”

“Fuck the Accords!” she seethed. “I made a mistake with those fucking things and I’ve already admitted it. No. This isn’t about the Accords. This is about the other choices you made, specifically the choices you made with Barnes.”

He rolled his eyes. “Jesus, are we not past that already? I said I was sorry, Toni!” He watched as her chest heaved in anger, and he lowered his voice to try to get her to calm down as well. “I’m sorry. I just...I didn’t want to lose my best friend again.”

Her arms snaked over her chest. “Your best friend? You’re so stupidly loyal, Steve, it’s not even funny.”

“Hey, I am loyal,” he growled, “I came when you called, after all. And you were nowhere to be found. You weren’t on the battlefield at Wakanda.”

She braced herself for a lashing, a questioning of where her loyalty was since she hadn’t be there. Instead of harshness and abrasiveness, Steve’s features softened. One of his massive hands came out and brushed against her elbow gingerly, coaxing her to stand down. Her arms fell to her side.

“You weren’t there,” he reiterated, “And I was terrified, Toni. That was the last communication I had from you and you weren’t there when I saw everyone else disappear. I assumed the worst. I assumed that I lost you again, in a way that hurt worse than losing you over Bucky.”

She blinked in confusion. What was he saying, that he thought she was already dead and mourned? “What?”

His hand slid into her right, his other hand taking her left. His body was hot, on fire it felt like to her. Maybe that was just her, and the arguing made her hands clammy. She couldn’t tell. “It wasn’t easy to hurt you. I knew I would lose you, and I’ve ached over that choice every day. Bucky even gave me hell over it.”

Was that supposed to clear everything up? She was just even more confused. She kept her mouth shut, hoping he would elaborate more.

“I didn’t want to lose my best friend. I was too busy thinking about my past and my connections. Losing Peggy kind of put me in that mindset. It took Bucky to show me that I lost a possible future. And then when I didn’t see you at the battlefield, I thought that possible future was absolutely gone for good.”

She leaned up on her tiptoes so that she was nearly eye-level with the Captain, squinting into his eyes. “Are you drunk, Steve? Because you sure as hell sound like one. You’re all over the place tonight, man. A possible future? How? We were never an item.”

His shoulders slumped. “I’m sleep-deprived, Toni. Gimme a break.” He cocked his head to the side and gave her a sad smile. “And...just because we weren’t an item at the time doesn’t mean I’ve never entertained the idea of being one.”

“What?” She felt like a parrot at this point, repeating the same question. She cleared her throat, trying to find her words. “Okay, wait a minute here. You were literally just jumping down my fucking throat, and now you’re telling me you’ve ‘entertained the idea’ of being with me?”

“Ugh!” he roared in frustration, stepping away from the billionaire. “Why is everything so complicated with you?” He ran his hands through his hair, eyes locking with hers. “I’m trying to fix this because I just...I can’t do this anymore, Toni. Not with you.”

She rocked back on her heels, lips pursed as she considered what he said. “Y’know…” she drawled, “If Rhodey or Pepper were in Barnes’ position and I were in yours...I probably would have made the same call. I can understand why you did.”

A look of relief flashed across the super soldier’s features momentarily.

“I’ve entertained being an item as well, Steve,” she mumbled, chewing on her lower lip. She started in on another thought, “When my parents died, specifically my mother...I felt abandoned. Yeah, sure, other people took care of me most of my life, but my parents were still there, even if my father wasn’t Father of the Year material.”

Steve got to say his peace, so he just nodded in response as Toni spoke hers.

“I learned how to handle it. I buried myself in M.I.T, lab work, trying to carry on Dad’s legacy. In a way, it made me who I am today. It made me Iron Woman. I turned out okay with that situation, and I’ve rather kept myself guarded to make sure that didn’t happen again. Then a certain baby-blue-eyed captain made an appearance into my life, and that all went to shit.”

His brows shot up in response, but he remained silent.

She swallowed hard before speaking again. “I let my guard down, let you in. Maybe it’s my fault for not acting first. Maybe not. But when you chose Barnes over me...chose my parents’ killer over me...I felt abandoned all over again.”

“Toni…”

Tears were stinging her eyes, ones she had been holding back for years, and they were threatening to spill over. “Maybe...maybe I should thank Barnes, if we are able to reverse this. Either that, or punch him in his stupid ass face. If he hadn’t been brainwashed, I wouldn’t have become Iron Woman and chances are, I wouldn’t have met you.”

Steve took a giant step toward Toni and closed the gap, hands coming up and cupping her cheeks, brushing underneath her eyes to catch the tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you. I was a man out of time trying to relive the glory days, and I didn’t see what was right in front of me.”

Toni merely sniffled in response.

“We have a chance to fix this now. I have a second chance to make things right. I want that chance, Toni.”

She clicked her tongue, trying not to get swept off her feet, keeping her guard up. “If Barnes were here-”

“No. No. Don’t you do that. Don’t think about what might be if things were different. That’s not fair.” His forehead pressed against hers. “We have a second chance here, Toni. Please.”

Her knees were buckling, her reserve fading. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to be furious, to push him away because he betrayed her, abandoned her. The harsh reality of it was, though, she would have made the same calls. He was right; they had this second chance in front of them, and if she didn’t take it, she would end up kicking herself later on.

She blinked away the tears, eyes focused on Steve’s in front of her. Her delicate fingers reached up and framed his face, bringing him closer. She hesitated a moment, though, second guessing if she wanted to take the chance.

The decision was made for her, though, when Steve’s lips pressed against hers gingerly. When he pulled away to study her, she closed the distance and kissed him again with more ferocity, more hunger. Steve never faltered, never pulled away. Rather, his muscular arms slithered down to her waist and tugged her in a tight embrace.

When they finally broke apart to catch their breath, Toni chuckled softly. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., advise all visitors tonight and into tomorrow morning that I am not to be disturbed.”

“Any particular reason, Miss Stark?”

“I’m following Happy’s orders.”

[paintedface]

Corner of the Coffee Shop

Prompt: ‘Soulmate’ for @just-some-drabbles ‘s writing challenge! (no summary because the prompt says it all)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2073 words

Warnings: fluff, hardly any angst. 

Notes: Thank you so much to my love @untimelyideasforstories for helping me come up with ideas for this story, you saved my ass <3 I also didn’t proofread this, it’s 10:40pm and I have a French test tomorrow argh

Soulmates, true love, first kisses, those are all things you were told to believe. The first one was real enough, as everyone in the world was born with a permanently inked mark, somewhere on their body. Yours was plainly put into sight, right on the inside of your left wrist. From person to person, their mark differed in handwriting, but it always read the same thing; the date of your soulmate’s birth. Your soulmark was scrawled in a delicate yet slightly messy script, which didn’t really bother you. Your friend could barely read her one, it was that chaotic. But it was the actual words that bothered you, which made you lose faith in having a soulmate that was actually alive.

‘10th of March, 1917.’

Seriously, all your friends had their soulmates within their age group, give or take a few years, but this was insane. 100 years since they were born? You’ve got to be kidding. When you started realising what soul marks meant, you got some concealer and smudged it over the ‘1917,’ and replacing it with a suitable year of birth, like your friends’ soul marks. You hide it from them, but it doesn’t hide the truth from you. Your soulmate is probably dead by now, they’d be 100! Otherwise they’re an old man or woman who’s teetering at the edge of the living and the dead. And while all your friends meet their perfect matches, you’ll be stuck there, either alone or about to be alone. Sure, you don’t discriminate against old people, but how big would that age difference be? Not the best thought.

Smudging some concealer over your mark, and carefully writing a replacement year with some eyeliner, you sling your bag over your shoulder and push open the back door to the cafe that you’ve worked in for at least a year. It’s become a second home to you, and you drop your bag on a table in the kitchen.

“Hey Noelia.” You smile, waving slightly to your friend, pulling your apron over your head.

“Hey Y/N, how’re you?” She grins back, leaning against the steel counter.

“Tired, but otherwise good. Crowded today, or no?” You ask, moving to hug her, being careful to not smudge your concealer on her shoulder.

She pulls away reluctantly, cocking her head. “I think it’s pretty crowded. We’ve got a busy day ahead of us.”

When you step out into the cafe, you can tell that she’s right. Families, couples, every seat filled. But what really catches your eye are two men in the dark, far corner of the cafe. They both have baseball caps on, and are obviously trying to be discreet. One has blonde hair that appears in a fringe from underneath the cap, and also has sunglasses on, despite the fact that he’s inside. The other has long brown hair, pulled into a small bun at the base of his neck. His posture is slightly tense, as if he’s always alert, though his smile is relatively relaxed.

When the blonde man takes off his sunglasses, setting them on the table, your eyes widen, lips parting in surprise when you realise who it is. Captain America, also known as Steve Rogers. That must mean that the man opposite him is Bucky Barnes. You’ve always admired his story, and frankly, the old pictures of him have given you heart palpitations more than once. Even though your cafe is in New York, but you didn’t think that two Avengers would come to where you work.

Looking around, you realise that none of the other waiters or waitresses have noticed who they are. So when Steve catches your eye, and raises his hand, you take it upon yourself to calm your nerves, and walk over. He gives you a broad smile when he notices your shy expression, and you can’t help but smile back, despite your arms and legs shaking.

“What can I get you two, today?” You manage to get out, getting extremely distracted by the fact that Bucky’s blue eyes are really fucking beautiful. It’s like a stormy sky, yet clear and bright. You can feel his gaze on the side of your face, and heat creeps up your neck slowly. Your heartstrings feel like they’re being pulled, but they’re unlike any time you’ve ever had a crush, it’s more urgent.

“A soy latte for me, and one of those baked cheesecakes, they look incredible.” Steve says, and you pull your pen out from behind your ear, trying to get your writing to look at least relatively distinguishable, what with your hands being sweaty and trembling.

“S-sorry, I’m just…” You apologise hastily, as you cross out a failed word, and rewrite it, “I’m just awed by both of you. Your-your stories are incredible, and you’re really damn inspiring.”

Both of them chuckle softly, and you bite your lip shyly. “It’s fine. It’s not every day that somebody says I’m inspiring.” Bucky gives you a warm smile, and you duck your head in embarrassment.

“S-so, what would you like, sir?” You ask, and he tilts his head, looking as if he’s scanning the glass display case of desserts, but he’s constantly side-glancing you, making your cheeks warm once again.

“A long black and a chocolate tart, doll. That’d be great.” He says in a low voice, lips quirking up at one corner, and your heart skips a beat.

“S-sure! I’ll be out soon with your orders!” You squeak, and before you can embarrass yourself more, you turn and head to the kitchen, flustered beyond belief.

BUCKY P.O.V

“Holy shit, she’s gorgeous.” He breathes, as he watches the back of you, going to the kitchen.

“Be careful, Buck, don’t hit on somebody who ain’t your soulmate.” Steve says jokingly.

Bucky sighs, resting his chin in his palm. “She’s setting a very, very high standard for them.”

Steve runs a hand through his locks, smiling at his best friend.

“I’m sure your soulmate’ll be gorgeous.” He assures him and Bucky slumps back in his seat.

“But I’ll be disappointed if they aren’t as awkward and beautiful as her! And I felt like, a connection.” Bucky whines, slinging his metal arm over the back of his chair.

The blonde man snorts, rolling in his eyes. “I forgot how hard it is to deal with a love sick James Buchanan Barnes.”

YOUR P.O.V

Your hands are still quivering as you prepare their food, trying your best not to drop them as you pick them up.

“Be more chill, Y/N. Be. More. Chill.” You breathe to yourself, before exiting the kitchen.

You expertly weave your way through the customers and the other waiters and waitresses, to get to the far corner of the shop. The two super soldiers smile at you, and your heart flutters at the sight of them, especially Bucky.

“H-hi, here’s your soy latte and cheesecake, and here’s your long black and chocolate tart.” You set down the latte and cheesecake, as well as the chocolate cake. But as you’re about to put down the long black, Bucky reaches out to take it from you, offering you a kind glance.

“I’ll take that doll, thank…” He pauses in the middle of his sentence, and you see his eyes drift to your soul mark. You tense, panicking for a moment, wondering if he can see that you wrote down the year of your soulmate.

“Hey, that’s my birthday. Only a different year.” Bucky points out with a lilt to his voice, tapping the inside of your wrist.

Your heart comes to a stand still because oh my god. Oh my fucking god.

Before you can say anything, he takes the cup from you, his sleeve brushing against your soul mark.

“S-some of my f-foundation got on your sleeve…” You stutter, barely audible with your realisation, your heart now pounding faster, now being more like a buzz. Oh lord, if what you’re thinking is right…

“Oh! Sorry, that’s all my…” Bucky starts off cheerfully, but then his eyes widen when he sees what the foundation hid, “fault…” His crystal clear eyes shoot up to stare at you, mouth dropping open as he drinks in the sight of the full date on your wrist. The foundation had smudged just enough for the permanently inked letters to be visible, at least, to him. 

“That’s-that’s my…” He bites his lip harshly, and, locking eyes with you, rolls up the right sleeve of his shirt, till it rests above his biceps. A small delicate date is written on his skin, on the inside of his upper arm. You recognise the handwriting with ease, because you use it. It’s yours. You can barely focus on anything else but Bucky, and the mark. The date, is the very date of your birthday.

Bucky swallows thickly, and whispers, “Is-Is this your birthday?”

You nod slowly, wringing your hands together tightly, as he lets out a heavy breath, sitting back against the chair.

Steve’s eyes are flicking back and forth between the two of you, and if you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought he had an invisible bucket of popcorn.

“So…” You duck your head, suddenly shy and self-conscious, slowly rubbing away the rest of the foundation and eyeliner on your wrist. Panic floods your chest, what if he doesn’t want you as a soulmate? What if you’re not good enough? What if…

Your wrist is grabbed by Bucky, and he pulls you into a close hug, tucking his head in the crook of your neck. He lets out a tear stained gasp, and he murmurs, “you’re my soulmate, you’re really my soulmate.”

You can feel tears pool at the edges of your eyes, holding onto him tighter, not believing that your soulmate actually isn’t a physically old man, and instead somebody way out of your own league, in the best way possible. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Steve give you a wide smile and stand up. He heads out of the cafe, and all you can do is just try and comprehend that this isn’t a dream.

“I-I always thought I’d have a gr-grandpa as my soulmate.” You confess after a moment, shutting your eyes tightly.

Bucky bursts out into husky laughter, the sound warming your heart, before he chokes on another sob, pulling you closer into his lap.

“I always thought that I’d die before I’d meet my soulmate.” He pulls away a little, to search your face earnestly.

“I’m not dreaming, am I? You’re-you’re really here.” Bucky’s eyes are red rimmed, and he’s so close that you can feel his breath on your lips.

“Y-yeah, I am. And so are you and…you’re not a grandpa.” You smile through your tears, running your hands down his arms hesitantly.

Bucky lets out a soft chuckle, lifting up his metal hand to brush back a stray lock of hair. “I’ve known you for 10 minutes and I already love you.”

A MONTH LATER

“Barnes! Get out of my room!” You scream, slamming the door shut.

“Wait, Y/N! Please!” He begs through the door, beating the wood rapidly.

“I’m changing! I am fucking NAKED!” You yell, and you can practically see Bucky throwing his head back and laughing.

“Cmon babe, I’ve seen you naked plenty of times!” He whines, and while he’s muttering about how ‘he just wants to kiss all over you,’ you quickly slip on your bra, underwear and beautiful new dress.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, please lock out Bucky.” You say, zipping up the dress, and you can hear the AI confirm your wishes.

“Y/N! You can’t do that!” He screeches, and you dissolve into a fit of giggles, checking your hair and makeup in the mirror one last time.

“Yes I can!” You sing, twirling around and slipping into your high heels. Your eyes fall to the tube of concealer and eyeliner pen in the open drawer of your vanity. After a pause, you shake your head to yourself with a smile, and close the drawer.

“You done yet?” Bucky asks grumpily, and you head to the door, pulling it open. You burst out laughing when he falls through, obviously having leant against the door before you opened it. You catch him, despite him being quite a bit heavier than you, and you press a kiss to his forehead. His mouth drops at the sight of you as he stands up.

“W-wow, you look incredible, doll. Guess I fell for you more ways than one, huh?” He grins, kissing you gently. You roll your eyes, kissing him back before wrapping your right arm around his bicep.

“You don’t look so bad yourself, you utter fuckin sap.”

permanent tags (OPEN): @thecrownedrose / @vibranium-arm / @gallifreyansass / @omalleysgirl22 / @girlwith100names / @buckysinthesinbin / @cameronahugenerd / @imsecretlyromanburki / @megan-atthedisco-blog / @buckys-fossil / @iamwarrenspeace / @sofiathearab / @yikesbuckster / @buckyappreciationsociety / @debbielovesbucky / @metal-armed-dino / @helloitscrowley / @sebastian-stans-thighs / @fantastic-fantasy-fanfics / @natalia–alianovna–romanova / @feelmyroarrrr / @mjuikoli / @meganliiz / @psychicwitchphilosopher / @srgntjbarnes  

(strike through means I couldn’t tag you, sorry!)

[ellana-ravenwood]

“I popped Captain America’s cherry !” - Steve Rogers x Reader (Erotica)

Steve Rogers is (was) a 90 years old virgin, someone had to “pop his cherry” one day you know. Just so happened it was you. EROTICA ! Let’s just say it. First times and stuffs. 

IMPORTANT WARNING : THIS IS EROTICA ! THIS IS NOT FOR YOU IF YOU ARE UNDERAGED, I GODDAMN MEAN IT. Like there’s cute and sweet feelings in the mix, but also...smut, so if you’re not 18 or more, or if you’re not comfortable with that sort of things etc etc, this story ain’t for you. I have tons of other very SFW story, for averyone to read, and if you wanna check those out instead, it’s right here, on My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives.

______________________________________________________________________

Being Tony Stark’s little sister wasn’t always easy. You couldn’t count the number of times you had to go pick him up somewhere because he was too drunk to come home on his own. Or the times you were waking up to go to school only to be met with a naked woman walking casually around...and getting suddenly flustered when she realized that Tony’s little sister was living with him. Or the times he just embarrassed you in general. Or when paparazzis just chased you everywhere just because you were his sister. Or just all of the Iron Man thing. You were in danger all the time, just because you were his sister...

Tony was twenty when your parents died, you were just a four year old at the time, and didn’t understand what was happening...Most of your childhood had been a bit chaotic. But you ended up fine, with all of his flaws, your brother still took good care of you. The perks of being rich really, an army of nannies were there when he wasn’t. 

Yes, being Tony Stark’s sister wasn’t always easy. But it definitely had its good sides. Your life was NEVER boring, and you always met interesting people. 

Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, was one of those people. You guys “clicked” right away. You loved his gentlemanly way, and he loved the fact that you were always very careful not to make him uncomfortable by talking about something he didn’t know. You were very aware that he wasn’t from your era, and that sometimes, he struggled. You also were the only one to acknowledge the fact that he might have PTSD from WWII. And unlike most men, he really wasn’t interested in your money and fame that came with the package of being a Stark. He liked you just the way you were, and vice versa. Unlike your brother you never mocked him when he was confused about something from the modern world. You loved hearing about when he was in the forties, and you felt that talking about it made him feel better. After all, everything and everyone he knew was long gone, that had to take a toll on your mind...It became a habit for the two of you to meet every day for lunch and just talk about anything. 

Today wasn’t an exception, and for some reasons, the conversation diverged on romantic relationships. 

-So...after Peggy, you never...?

-You know Y/N, I didn’t woke up that long ago. Didn’t really had any time to. I don’t even know if  I actually want to. Modern women are so...

-Oh. Yeah. I understand. I mean...Yeah, I get it. It’s not easy when things change, so, I guess when your all world change it’s...uh...really not easy. 

He smiled to you, and you melted. God you liked his smile. 

-You’re too sweet Y/N. Really. 

-I’m not Steve, it’s just...I get it. 

A confortable silence installs itself between you two. He breaks it. 

-What about you ? Is there anyone in your life ?

-No, not anymore. Use to, a while back. Didn’t work out. And now...you know, being a Stark isn’t easy. Most men just want to be with me for my money, for the publicity, or just to fuc...I mean, sleep with me. 

-Most men you met are pigs then. 

-Well, except for fancy parties I rarely have time to socialize, so, yeah, I guess they are. Except...You. 

Your eyes locked. And his smile turned really soft. Imperceptibly he slid slightly closer to you. Science. You decided it was science. The way you two just seemed to attract each other, to be drawn to each other. Tentatively, his hand came up to brush gently your cheek. 

-When you’re around, I sometimes afraid to act like a pig. I don’t think you realize the effect you have on me.

You don’t say anything, stunned. You knew he somewhat also had a crush on you, your brother teased you enough with it, but you weren’t expecting him to be this straight forward. 

-I’m sorry Y/N, that was highly inappropriate, unworthy of a distinguish women like you. I...

He slid away from you but you caught his arm and moved back close to him.

-You think I’m distinguish ? 

He nods and you smile. 

-Would a distinguished women do that ? 

You slowly slide a hand behind his neck, making sure to make him feel like he can stop you whenever. He doesn’t stop you. You pull him down gently, and brush your lips on his. At first, you’re afraid you’re going to fast as you feel him stiffen, but as you were going to pull back, he started to kiss you back more eagerly. Until his arms were around you, holding you close to him, and one of your hand was in his hair, the other resting on his shoulder. You finally pulled away for air. 

-That was...Very nice. Thank you Y/N. 

-Haha, believe me, I’ve wanted to do that for quite a while, don’t thank me. 

-You’ve wanted this for quite a while ?

-Yes.

You blushed. He brushed a hand over your cheek once again, the other on the small of your back. 

-I also wanted to kiss you, but...Too nervous I guess. 

-That’s very cute Steve. 

-Well you know, I never really kissed anyone before so...

-Yeah well it was very...Wait. What ? You never kissed anyone ?

-Nope. Before the super soldier program I wasn’t really successful with women, and after...I just didn’t had time. With the war and stuff. 

-You...Never even kissed Peggy ?

-Never had the occasion.

-Oh. Wow. so, wait...You also never...Hum...you know ? 

He looked away awkwardly, sliding away from you, but with one of your hand still in his. He answered after a few minutes. 

-Hum...No. No I never did it. 

-Really ? 

Steve shifted in his seat awkwardly and you realized you were definitely making it worst. You hated making people uncomfortable.

-I’m sorry Steve, I shouldn’t be so cur...

-No, no it’s Ok. Really. Fine. Hum. 

Super awkward silence intensifies. 

-Have...you ever...? 

You turn to him, and he avoids your gaze. He couldn’t believe he just asked you that. 

-Hum. Yes. Yes I already...Yeah. 

-Figured. You’re Tony’s sister after all. 

-What the Hell that’s suppose to mean ? 

You glared at him. If there was one thing you didn’t had in common with your brother, was the number of people you had sex with. You only had one serious relationship in your life, lasted 6 years, and he was the only man you laid with. Unfortunately, you guys weren’t made for each other and it just didn’t work out. It was fine now though. 

-I just realized what I said. Sorry. Jealousy made me say it...I’m really sorry...I hope I didn’t ruined...

Your features soften.

-Don’t worry, you’ll need more to get rid of me.

-I have absolutely no attention of getting rid of you Y/N. In fact, I’d like to do quite the opposite. 

He leaned back down, and kissed you again, feeling your lips turn up in a smile.

****

It had now been three months since you and Steve started to officially date. You still had your lunch together every day, but even more, you also spent most of your days in general together. So far, you shared a lot of kisses. Only kisses, and hugs. A few time, you thought it was going to go further, but Steve stopped every time before anything really happens. You knew he was just nervous, and didn’t feel ready yet. You were willing to wait, just too happy to be with him at all. Especially since he was like the best boyfriend ever. Such a gentleman. 

You were suppose to meet for dinner and were getting ready in the room you had in the Avenger Tower when someone knocked on your door. You expected it to be Tony, but when you opened, it was Steve. 

-Hey babe, you’re quite early. Do you...Babe ? Are you alright ? 

He looked absolutely beat down. Both physically and mentally, and you led him in your room by the hand. 

-Steve ? 

He raised his head and looked at you, and you could see so much pain in those bright blue eyes that your heart stopped. 

-Peggy’s dead. 

Your face dropped. You understood, the last person from his past had just died. A person he had strong feelings toward. You couldn’t even imagine how he actually felt, but what you could do was confort him. 

You led him to your bed and sat him on it, and he immediately rested his head on your shoulder. Even though you knew he had a hard time adapting to modern times, and you knew he was suffering from severe PTSD...But he actually rarely showed this side, trying to be the strong soldier everyone thought he was. You soothingly caressed his hair as he tried without much success to hold his tear. 

-Let it go Steve, let it all go. 

He gripped your shirt and pulled you close, burying his head in your breast. 

-That’s it babe, you’ll feel better after, I swear. 

You two stayed like this for nearly two hours. You listened to him talk about all of his pain, not interrupting him once. When he finally calmed down, you were about to speak but felt his lips on your neck. It surprised you, but you let him. 

He pulled away and looked into your eyes. 

-I need you Y/N. 

You immediately understood, and you nodded slowly. Your lips crashed with his, your tongue slipping in his mouth. He moaned slightly as you tangled one hand in his hair, the other resting on his chest. The kiss was passionate, all of his pent up feelings releasing at once. His hand slowly slid down your sides, and he paused on your waist. A finger tentatively went under your shirt, hesitating. The hand that was on his chest went to his hand, and with a squeeze you gave him permission. You pulled away from each other for a split second as he took your shirt off. He trailed down kisses on your jaw, on your neck, on your collarbone, reaching your breast...He unclasped your bra, and, looking at you to make sure you were ok, licked your nipple lightly. You knew in this moment that he finally let go of everything. He usually would never be so daring. 

You moaned a little, and reached to take his own shirt off. You traced his muscled chest and well sculpted abs with your finger, and pushed him back on your bed, straddling him. You reached for the button of his pants, and he let you do it, rising his hips so that you could tug them away. His hands were on your ass as he kept kissing you, and went to your own pants, removing them slowly and you smiled in the kiss. He stopped to look at you, and you took the opportunity to make sure he really WAS ready, and that it wasn’t just the overload of emotions getting to him. 

-Are you...Sure you want this ?

He raised a hand to your cheek, and stroked it lovingly. 

-Yes, I couldn’t imagine it with anyone else. I need you Y/N. I just...need you. 

Right then. You nodded and went back down to kiss him, your hands on either side of his face to support you. His hands were caressing your sides up and down, enjoying the feel of your skin. You could feel his hardening member on your thigh, and you broke it free, taking his boxers off. You decided that he probably wasn’t ready for too much foreplay, and skipped the part where you would have suck him to just gently stroke him. He moaned, and removed your own panties, shaking slightly. 

He wasn’t making any move to get on top of you, and took it as a sign he wanted you to take the lead. You raised your hips, and lined your entrance, still holding his cock. Slowly, you took all of him inside you, and his kiss faltered. Both of you moaned lowly, and after getting used to his size (which was bigger than your previous relationship), you started to slowly rise up almost taking him out of you, and went back down all the way to the hilt. You set a slow pace, so that he wouldn’t feel too overwhelmed.

His breathing was heavy and loud, and by instinct, his hands went to your waist to support you, meeting your hips with his. Your hands were on his chest. 

-Y/N...

He moaned and groaned as you started to move faster, to slam harder down on  him. A all new set of sensations he never felt before were fighting in his lower stomach, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of you, feeling that this was a big turning point in his life. This was his first time. And it was with you. It was just perfect. 

To you, it felt way too good to be someone’s first time. Your first time had been messy and you didn’t really felt any pleasure. It got better after, but it was just a well known fact that people’s first time were just usually not that great. If he made you feel this good while it was his first time, you could only imagine how much he’d feel with a little more experience. You started to feel a knot start to tie in your belly. 

-Y/N I...Oh my God, mm...Nn....holy f...AH ! 

He came with a sexy moan, and you rode him threw his orgasm as you reached your point yourself. You collapsed on his chest, his arms immediately wrapping around you, one hand drawing small abstract pattern on your back. He had trouble breathing normally, and collecting his thoughts seemed impossible. 

-Sorry, I didn’t meant to... 

You knew he was talking about his seed currently dripping from your sex onto his thigh. 

-It’s ok baby, I’m taking something. No risk there. 

You pulled off of him and he whined at the loss of your warmth. You went to take a cloth, and wet it in your bathroom, cleaning yourself up. You went back to him to clean him as well...and felt him getting hard again. He looked at you apologetically. 

-Sorry. I always said you had quite an effect on me...

You smiled, and he gently dragged you to him, and rolled over you. 

-I...I love you Y/N.

-I love you too Steve...

He bent back down to kiss you again. Needless to say, that evening, you missed dinner. The next day, the smile on your face made your brother suspicious, and after refusing to tell him anything for hours, you finally cracked and yelled : “I popped Captain America’s cherry !” in front of everyone...Thor laughed, Black Widow and Clint gave Steve a look that meant “about time”, your brother was stunned...And Steve, surprising you, just smiled stupidly and looked at you with eyes full of sappy love. 

It was just the beginning of a long and pleasurable series of nights (and days as a matter of fact) with your Captain. 

[dustxrgcld]

all the connections to others questions ♥

42 character development questions!

CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS.19. How do they behave within a group? What role(s) do they take? Does this differ if they know and trust the group, versus finding themselves in a group of strangers? Why?

R:  He is mostly quite if it turns out to be a group of new people. He tends to observe and be gentle. Nice and approachable but won’t go straight out to start a conversation himself if not need be.  If it is a group he trust and know, he’d most likely be just from here to there. interacting with all of them in order to make them all feel comfortable and at peace. 

20. What kind of individual relationships do they have with others, and how do they behave in them? How are they different between intimate relationships like friends, family, and lovers versus more impersonal relationships?

R:  They are all friendly.  some more so than others.  There are few people he trust the most  ( like Natasha and Sam )  but he does considers the rest of the avengers his friends.  He’s more attent and more open to them that he’d be with any other. 

21. What kind of relationships do they tend to intentionally seek out versus actually cultivate? What kind of social contact do they prefer, and why?

R:  Friendship.  and most often than not, that’s what he gets. though he doesn’t open up as easily, he has a good character judgemnt so if he seeks someone out, it’s beacuse he believes he can trust them.  He prefers one on one social contact since it gives him space to study the other and see what it’ll come out of it.

22. How do people respond to them, and why might these responses differ?

R:  Most people respond with respect due to his past and the shadow of Captain America on his back. He IS a national symbol even when he doesn’t feel that comfortable on that title. It will differ when people don’t truly know who he is, and they will be just friendly as he will.

23. How do they respond to difficult social moments? What makes them consider a social situation difficult?

R:  Depends on the group.  If it is a POLITICAL social gathering, he’d be tense MOST of the night. he doesn’t trust politicians so he isn’t capable of being at ease within them.  He’d most likely take Natasha with him since he trusts her and he know she’s comfortable in almost any situation and she’d help him deal with the preasure. A gathering of this nature is what he’d consider difficult at all time since he has trouble mendling.

24. How do they present themselves socially? What distinguishes their “persona” from their “true self”, and what causes that difference?

R:  He presents himself as Steve if the situation is pretty informal, say a stranger he got to talk to on the streets.  and present himself as Rogers if it’s a formal gathering. be it Military or Political. here, he’ll be more tense, more perspicacious. eyes scanning the people around him, trying to figure out what they truly want behind fake smiles. he’d be a replica of his captain america but without the suit.

25. What do they need and want out of relationships, and how do they go about getting it?

R:  Just someone to talk to. someone who he’ll be able to trust and someone who he knows will be there for him if he needs them. Just as he’d be there for them as well. Yet, he wouldn’t know how go about to get it. mostly because it doesn’t feel right for him to ask that of someone nor to bring them in into his chaotic life.

26. How do they view and feel about relationships, and how might this manifest in how they handle them, if it does? 

R: Romantic relationships are just an imposible for him. He’s tried that before and just lost the one he loved. so he hasn’t opened for it again. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it. he’s just scared of what his life as Captain America and his inner duty to what’s right and fight for those who can’t might do to that person.

Friendships are a need. He needs people he can’t trust and he can talk to. He can’t fight on his own and he def can’t go fighting with someone he can’t trust. so he’d be more intent on finding this kind of relationship within the people around him.