#still dealing with a lot of shit but it's getting easier ig???

[basementbotanist]

awake at 4am taking photos of my boyfriend while he sleeps and making a nightcore playlist to show everyone who follows me on spotify just how well im doing mentally

[arolesbianism]

hello gamers minor life update I have been doing Real bad lately so I will likely continue to be very inactive, but hey on the bright side I have been fleshing out some eternal gales lore I reworked a while back and I can happily say that Dodie no longer completely contradicts the very nature of reality in eternal gales and the fog tower™ officially has a real reason to exist again so hell yeah to that

[royalblanket]

oh no its daddy

some au ramblings under the cut ig since this design was the foundation to my entire kingdom story

so sir dadadoo was originally designed by the kindergarten to be a baronet, hence the sir, but while the employees were still brainstorming a design for the king the queen ended up falling for him. less work for them so whatever, they didnt care and went along with dadadoo wanting more heart-themed things in his wardrobe to match his gf. in turn she probably has diamonds on her aswell since i decided to to give them a couple themed things around the kingdom and them, so dadadoo is a deep blue purple while bouncelia is a pink and scarlet purple, shes hearts and hes diamonds, and i might make him lilies while shes roses or something

the underground kingdom really was like a full on kingdom, with plenty of mascots just for that section alone, and since all the mascots ended up being fully sentient, this ended up in them essentially creating an actual government, a small country of clay mutants laying beneath what appeared to be a small one-story kindergarten. and the higher-ups of said kindergarten werent even sure whether or not to keep the damn things, because sure, they spent a lot of money playing god and bringing beings to life with potentially illegal chemicals only they know about, but also, that freaky (but well dressed) leech seems to be planning a rebellion against us for our crimes against humanity and horrific torturous experiments against innocent creatures, brought to life in a painful existence that was never intended to be

but the scientists had already seen bouncelias pouches capabilities to hold measures far larger than it appears, and even the ability to keep in what wanted out. bouncelia was on board with the plan just like dadadoo, but she was easier to threaten. and the moment dadadoo wasnt looking they did so, telling her to either lock up her partner and children or have them and her killed, along with anyone else in the kingdom that was on board with it

she and her subjects just had to be silent about any such rebellion from now on, and to ignore the absence of what was once a prominent figure within their hierarchy. it was unlikely theyd bother with a king after all the uncooperative subjects, and chances were slim the kingdom could be moved upstairs no matter if the remaining mascots played nice or not. but whatever, corporate can just deal with it after bring a friend day and nothing will go wrong between now and then.

when the crash happened, everyone in the kingdom either snapped and attacked everyone around them, or was chased off by the former. the jester had been going downhill for ages now, and had to be sent off by queen herself for thoughts of treason. and then some lady comes in from the surface and is suddenly faced with a bunch of royal drama shes not involved in at all

i kinda want to make the contrast more blatant in the au, like yes deep underneath the kindergarten theres some knockoff shakespeare shit going on that this mom is NOT involved with and she knows shes not involved with it and dadadoo doesnt even care but this is one of the things shes got to go through to get her damn kid. whatever dilf leech its another tuesday ig

bouncelia and dadadoos relationship kinda zigzags, as theyre very close up until she has to lock him away (which is either a stasis or a vague eternity where he has lots of time to simmer and brew in angst, jurys still out on which is cooler/more plot relevant) and then bouncelia spends a lot of time without him, during which she kind of drifts away from the rebellion and realizes how dangerous it is. but once dadadoo is free again she suddenly has to come to terms with a lot of different emotions, and dadadoo is quite the charmer, he'll have no problem getting his heartbroken ex back on his side -- both because he really does love her, and because shes a direct gateway to power. whether or not the rebellion or kingdom even matters anymore now that everyones dead doesnt matter to dadadoo, hes oblivious to it thanks to his time in the pouch. just an egotistical man fighting over old grudges to become the king he was once betrothed to be

[rrcenic]

i think i might be trans sooo

how did you know for sure ??(( sorry if this question is kinda awkward..))

not an awkward question at all!!

so. i first came out as a lesbian when i was 11. after that, i got to know more queer folks and started playing around with pronouns

i went through. a lot of pronouns in those two years.

i seriously have pins that say she/her, she/they, they/she, any, they/them, they/he, he/they, and finally he/him.

my deadname was bella, and i changed it to bell when i still used some form of she, then to galen for a bit, then finally arsen.

(i go by nic on here not because my actual name is a secret but because i really like being called nic, and even though i’ve asked for people to use both irl they just stick with arsen. which is okay ig but i just wanted a space for that name in my life)

every time i tried a new less fem set of pronouns i felt happier?? and like so much better with myself??

like, i needed to take that time to adjust. being trans is scary and sometimes you gotta ease into it!

i realized i was a binary trans man when i got my first covid shot at age 12. it was one of those drive-up things and the man dealing with the paperwork said to my mom “so your son, is he getting the shot too?” (talking about me)

at the time i used he/they pronouns. but like. not rlly “son” or “boy.” and i’d certainly never been called a guy in public

but it just. it felt so right. and i felt comfortable with myself.

i think i also eased into it to spare my family the large adjustment. it’s so much easier for cis allies to remember they/them pronouns than to change from she to he or he to she or any to neopronouns. it takes time

i had been asking to start t since i started using they/them at age 11. i started t about 7 months ago and it’s been. so fucking amazing

my voice has dropped so much, i’ve started getting a little bit of facial hair, and my jawline is changing. i just feel so much more comfortable in my body and with myself.

so yeah. don’t be afraid to try shit out. you’ll know when you’ve found what feels right as far as it comes to labels, pronouns, and medical treatments. the priority is feeling joyful and comfortable with yourself and your body

and i know how easy it is to feel shame. to doubt yourself because you don’t fit the classic trans narrative.

if you don’t want every surgery, if you don’t mind people using your old pronouns, if you don’t feel like coming out, or if you need to ease yourself into it, then do just that. listen to yourself

one example i use is my aunt’s friend, a trans woman in her late 50s or so. she is still in the transitioning process. her old name was like mike or something and her new name is maddison or something. her goal is to go by maddison, but for now she goes simply by m. it lets her adjust and transition at the pace she wants

sorry this took a couple days to get to, i kept starting it and then forgetting to save it and deleting it 😭😭😭

and to whoever this anon is: please dm me if you have any more questions or just need to talk. i’m happy to be a support <333

[bamber344]

comparing how independent human children are verses wolf children (or any other animal really, but wolves are the context here) has interesting implications for how raising a child would work in the Direwolf universe.

Like human toddlers can barely walk, can't really talk, still need constant supervision, but a 2 year old wolf is pretty much an adult. I imagine werewolf children would develop at a normal human rate, meaning their wolf develops a lot slower to stay along side that, but still, wolves a few months old are still way more independent than the average toddler.

Would werewolf parents just let their kids chill in wolf form most of the time cuz they're easier to deal with? That would still come with complications of course, but the odds of a wolf pup choking on a random thing they put in their mouth feels way lower than a human toddler tbh.

But then that would also probably hinder the child's development from a human standpoint since their brains are canonically slightly different in wolf form. They're still the same person obvi but the animal side takes over. The baby would still need to learn all the basic human stuff, so you can't just let them chill as a wolf forever cuz it's easier. but that also begs the question, how do you stop your child from just shifting whenever they want? God, parenting as a werewolf must be like doubly as stressful as human parenting.

i think i have opened up a dangerous can of worms by letting the werewolves shift from a very young age in direwolf. It's too late to retcon cuz Sam was canonically shifting by at least age 3, if not earlier (and i'm only one chapter away from finishing so obviously i can't change shit now lol)

i guess i could make it so that young wolves can only shift on full moons and they gain the ability to have more control over it as they get older, Sam being an exception because she's a direwolf ig.

anyway of course i'm only actually thinking about this important worldbuilding detail while writing the fucking epilogue to the wholeass story lmao. the cons of releasing in a webnovel format ig.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

life's been okay. nothing special. days just keep on going. ive had a job for bout 2 weeks. ig thats not really an achievement tbh.

before this, that work from home place i was barely working, prolly 5-10 hours a week. and i'd slither out of those where possible anyway. this one week i worked a whopping 2 hours within 2 weeks. I was planning on killing myself and occasionally tried to all throughout having those jobs so i wasn't really worried about the consequences

before that the only other in person job i had was for my ex best friend. she worked there so i applied and got a job o work with her. only for her to quit 2 weeks after i got in whiich lead me to quit prolly a week n a half later cause i finally got fed up with the manager.

so now, even tho it ain't the longest ive held down a place, its the first that i really cared to put in effort to hold a job.

im semi celebrating but im honestly miserable. my feet hurt so fucking bad so it literally doesnt matter how good my hours are i never want to leave my bed. the people up there are so cliquey and on my 2nd day out of training one of my coworkers went off on me for going too slow and "not putting in my part". theyre starting to give me longer and longer shifts. i went from working 3-4 8 hour shifts per week to working 3 doubles just like that. they sooo generously give an hour and a half break in between the 6:30-3 and 4:30-8 shift but.. who in their right mind is even leaving atp? i live too far for that. i'd be home for at most an hour. waste of gas.

and to me what's worse, this whole situation is exactly what i've been avoiding. i knew it'd come down to this someday. but what alternative do i have?

HA. you know as a kid, i never understood addiction. I never thought I'd have to deal with it. By the time I was 8 I knew I'd kill myself someday. if i ever felt bad, that'd be what i'd do. no need to force myself to do something i didnt really wanna do. but now it seems so easy. i don't know what i wanna do from here. i hate my job. i hate my home life. i dont like to talk to my friends anymore. im bored of games. im bored of music. bored of tv.

whisking the days away doing what i have to would be a lot easier if i didnt have to be fully present for all of this. just something to pass the time until i have a better handle on what's the next move. right now, the only thing i can do is save up money. i have shit to pay off if i wanna keep a good credit score and i have things i need to buy. what's me hating every second gonna change?

though i know it's a slippery slope. abusing shit aint gon work out as smooth as I wish it would. I'll get addicted and then I'll get used to feeling that way so it'll take more for me not to get annoyed. then it'll turn back to me immediately running back to it for every minor situation. and honestly with the job i got i'd just have to hope i would be able to push through it without it being noticeable

i'm not happy i stopped. i feel like had i still been on dph i would've known for a fact how to make myself look normal. i could be gone out my mind but long as i get the shit right i could just daze through the days. but ya know. now. i ratted myself out

and now im stuck.

nothing more for me to do. nothing else i could be doing. nothing else i should be worried about other than making money

I never understood why adults always told me i'd miss being a kid since i was always struggling so bad. all they ever said is that my problems then were gonna feel like nothing once i was an adult. but they were wrong. i guess for now. but all i wish now is that i used all that freetime back when nooo one woulda suspected anything if i was away for a lil while. back when i wasnt ful grown and it'd prolly take a whooole lot less to finish the job

but here we are. forced to keep going and doing what i can to suppress what i really wanna do

ah speaking of which... i got pissed the other day and i tossed one of my drawers and broke it. then broke my bottle for my vitamins by throwing it to the ground. then i accidentally knocked over this container of beads and instead of just sweeping it back into the thing and reducing the mess, i just kicked it as hard as i could and tore the container apart. there's still beads everywhere

that is something i can't force myself to contain anymore. everything else i've been dealing with fine but when im pissed im pissed. i gotta get that under control too

[macbookismydream]

Salary doubled in the space of a year. I'm in a DINK household with no dependents or real responsibilities. I think about this a lot. People say 'money doesn't buy you happiness' but it buys you peace of mind. For the big stuff like oh-shit-this-appliance-has-broken, sure. But also in a million tiny ways. Like I remember when I was 21 and realising my last pair of tights had a rip, and I had to put nail varnish on top to stop it getting worse and go to work with ripped tights because I did not have £7 to buy another three pack until payday. Now I would buy a new pair of tights without thinking about it. Shampoo runs out, go get another bottle without thinking about it. Feeling cold, put the heating on for an hour. Phone charger broke, just pick up another one. That movie looks good, go see it tonight. The 10 little annoyances you experience every day can be paid to go away, which makes dealing with life's bigger things much easier. It immeasurably changes your mental health and I think that's something people who have always been wealthy do not understand. As salary went up work became more intensive (working through lunch, late night calls etc.), so whereas previously I couldn't really afford takeaways more than once a month, it became something I was doing 3-5x a week. I realised this was a ludicrous amount to spend (when it was only a few years ago I had to stretch £25 on a weekly shop, but would now drop that on Tuesday lunch without thinking), and that just because I could doesn't mean I should. Got more organised with meal prep + cheap supermarket freezer meals but still working off the weight from my Summer of Uber Eats lol. I now take taxis far more often. I love buying drinks for my mates. I couldn't do it a few years ago but really enjoy being the person who sneaks up with a bottle of prosecco on a night out. If someone posts a GoFundMe on IG, I donate automatically. Buy the Big Issue whenever the lady is outside of Sainsbury's. Upped my charitable direct debits. Day to day I'm still quite frugal in terms of living expenses. My nights out, leisure activities etc haven't changed. I workout at home + run in local park. Same phone + same contract. I upgraded some essentials like socks, jumpers and shoes but still mainly wear the ASOS/Zara stuff I've had for 10 years. But when I'm on holiday? There is no budget. Nicest accommodation, beautiful restaurants, best excursions, and no question as to whether we're getting another drink. For two weeks a year I act like a millionaire, and it is heaven. I feel incredibly lucky.

People whose salary went up dramatically - what were the main lifestyle creeps you noticed? : london

[mangodestroyer]

You know, they say you should avoid toxic people/environments, or leave them if you encounter them. But at this point, I don't really know how that would be possible.

I've come to learn that the world is full of assholes. And tbh, that was one of the hardest things to get used to in adulthood. Especially since I'd let some MAJOR assholes into my personal life. These guys are everywhere. In every profession, hobby, state, country, etc. And they come from all the different walks of life. Sometimes, they became that way because they were spoiled growing up. Sometimes, they just went through it and decided to become what hurt them. Sometimes, they really were just born that way. Point is, they think they're more important than everyone else, and they suck to deal with. And yes, I've even seen psychologists suggest they make up a good chunk of the population. At least an eighth. So they really are that common.

It's something that gets brought up when I look into academia and some of the schools I'd like to attend for my master's. My state happens to have a handful of prestigious institutions (one that's even in the top 20's in the nation). And... surprise! People bring up constantly how these schools are competitive and are full of assholes who think they're the shit.

Thing is... I've already dealt with that before? I took AP classes in hs, but it wasn't so bad then. But at the first school I went to, which happened to be prestigious (just not top 20), there were definitely a lot of horribly competitive, toxic, and egotistical assholes. If anything, I'm surprised the program I'm attending rn isn't like that. It's also above average, but it is online, so it does tend to draw in an older crowd/people who just want to learn.

And like I said, it's not like this shit doesn't exist elsewhere. I've been working in retail for three years. In a shitty small town. The rich snob attitude may not be so present, but there are definitely still assholes. I've legit had a manager call me r*tarded and give me tons of shit until I said something to someone (and she did this in front of other co-workers and customers). In fact, based on the two places I've worked, the co-workers can sometimes be worse than the customers (who you will probably only see for five minute max anyway). If they aren't criticizing the way you do your job or straight up verbally abusing you, they'll just act like you're too weird or annoying and sort of just shun you. Not everyone. But I'm not exactly related to anyone in this small town, nor do I fit in with the culture. So I stick out like a sore thumb. They've only recently started warming up to me a little more, but that's because I really had to learn to suppress who I am around them and be boring/agreeable.

As for customers, grey rocking and being less people pleasy makes customer service easier.

At least in a school environment, with thousands of people on campus, you can maybe look around and hope to find someone you vibe with. Tbh, I actually hate my retail environment more than when I was around those rich snobs. At least people weren't judging me for drinking bubble tea of all things (and don't think that's stopping me from buying more and drinking it at work, I just thought it was weird that my supervisor seemed bothered by it, and it just means that people will always find a reason to have problems with you so idc anymore). And I could actually talk about what I was doing in school, or the fact that I go to school at all (which is another conversation point people seem to loathe, even when they ASK). Retail likely taught me the useful skill of just keeping it shallow and neutral with people until you know them better. I have the autistic tendency to want to overshare and infodump and I've been working on doing that a lot less irl. But being so suppressed like that hasn't been good for my mental health.

So ig my point is that I'd like to pick which assholes I can tolerate more. Campus life can be a lot of fun because there are still tons of people you can try and get along with. And there are lots of things to do and explore as well. Even if you find that you don't like the people, you still might like what you're doing in school, or what the campus has to offer. My other option atm is to not get an education and almost guarantee that I will continue working shitty fucking jobs with no end in sight.

[purrality]

chest feels really heavy. hard to breathe. not sure where the line is between heightened anxiety and panic attack sometimes, think ive kinda been floating between em. it's funny to think about. does it "count" if you only hyperventilate for a few seconds before everything dries up just long enough to get back to the state just shy of being full-on triggered? doesnt matter ig.

it's so fucked to know exactly why it's happening. i hate not being able to tell people why the most innocuous shit is so hard for me and having to eat it over and over. i hate that just THINKING about letting anyone see me like this gives me panic attacks. i hate that when i push through and do it anyways i cant admit the desperation it takes to ask for reassurance or to be sat with. i hate that writing about it makes me feel like i cant fucking breathe again when im trying so hard to find something, fucking anything to just give me some relief.

so whyyyy the fuck cant i just feel ok? why cant i shake this feeling? tried expressive art and I even liked how it came out, tried eating food I like, tried diving straight into the hurt and examining the trigger and working on my shit. all of it makes things feel just a little better, im not spiraling and thinking of suicide anymore, but it still feels really bad. I still feel like no amount of anything I ever do is going to fix these stupid fucking reactions wired into my stupid fucking body.

im scared that im getting worse. im scared that dealing with everything alone all the time is fucking up the way i think more and more, like a depression echo chamber constantly confirming that we cant talk to anyone about anything anymore or they'll either smother me with worry until I have to be the one reassuring them, or they'll confirm for me that if they care, they can't stand to do it for long. it always feels like too much. i feel like it must suck to know me, let alone to care. at least if im not hiding all the time.

i dont want to. i feel like a liar and general piece of shit. but when i do hide, im easier to tolerate, even if not all of me/us is/are worth the effort. i know no one knows me. not me as a whole, and especially not me in particular. everyone feels like strangers, if they haven't done awful things to me. it's so disorienting to have the memories anyways. it's even more disorienting when the rest of us forget and have to put together what happened later. i wish i could tell them more clearly what's going on and ig this is a part of that. seems like we dont touch our journals unless we're writing in them, but we do come back here a lot.

maybe come back and answer this later. i dont have one myself for now. im tired and you can do what you want whenever im gone but i dont want to talk to you or anyone else tonight. but what i want to understand is, why are we still alive? i ask that question all the time and i can never think of a reason that feels right. i know there's got to be something. im pretty sure it was wesley that stopped us way back when. so. why? and have you been listening this whole time?

im dissociating a lot now. finally calmed down. i think this has been going on for like 4 hours. exhausting. it was def panic attacks. gonna lay down

[cigaretteparfum]

i just clocked why sometimes but not all the time when i see someone being like, "yes but this group isnt the one doing this" or something along those lines, i get so annoyed but again, only sometimes.

like for example if someone's saying like, idk, "girls got the not like other girls syndrome bc they want to be accepted by guys around them" and someone swoop in being, "guys werent the one making them do that though" am more or less just like. yea. yea, i get what the op was saying but this commenter isnt wrong and thus not annoying.

but if the op was like, "our culture and society place so much value in male approval that a lot of girls developed not like other girls syndrome for that approval" and then a person swoops in giving the same counter as before am like, oh my god shut up literally reread the whole thing again.

cause like, am personally more of the mindset that if youre speaking in public thats on you to minimise as much potential misunderstanding as possible. i mean it's also still on you on private convos but like those are usually more with people you already know so it's whatever, they prolly already got what you meant. and unless the person is a massive asshole clarification is prolly just "huh wdym" "like, this, yknow??" kinda deal. but in public, or with strangers, since they dont know anything about you, and with the tendency of people easier to get confrontational, disclaimers or just clear phrasing in general is like, a courtesy ig. less headache for you too; if someone misunderstands what you said it's easier to be like, "i literally cannot be any clearer than this, this is a you problem" when you've communicated what you meant well enough.

which is why am not exactly a fan of generalisation in public/strangers. like, unless it's pretty clear that it wasnt meant to be taken seriously. i get what people mean when they say stuff like, idk, "men aint shit" but also like ... if you say that unironically, and in what's supposed to be a genuine/serious convo about stuff, and you dont elaborate further.... like i get what youre getting at but also people saying, "not all men" arent wrong either. and i'll be honest as much as i dont disagree with the sentiment behind the slogan and why it came to be at all, whenever these things happen and the usual debate ensues am just like. this is silly. it's silly. am sorry. none of you are having the same conversation with one another. yes, sorry, the person saying not all men was correct actually. no, you werent talking about that, but ostensibly by the phrasing you were. so just. have fun now, i guess.

so when, now, the person is clearly not talking about men, or any group, let alone generalising anyone, and is instead pointing out to the larger entity that affects everyone by making things harder for one group and easier for another ... but not talking about individuals ... to have someone swooping in to be like "not all men/[insert any other demographic]" it's like. youre the silly one here actually. youre clowning so hard but no one attends your gig. sad. embarrassing. literally no one is talking about that. if someone points out the system benefits you thats not someone pointing their finger at you. this isnt about you. like legitimately shut up.

yknow???

[yjhgvf]

"Hey, where's My Best Friend and I Got Dragged into a Portal but We Actually Liked What was on the Other Side? You know, the collab fic with Briar."

Asked none of you ever, probably. But this has been eating at me personally. After all, it's my responsibility to upload the chapters, and yet I haven't been doing that for 2 or 3 months. So what gives?

Well, truthfully the answer is two parts. The first part is that Briar herself has been dealing with a lot. I'm not going into detail because I'm not a dickhead, but there's been a lot of pressure on her and a lot in general on her plate. Because the fic's pure existence caused so much conflict, especially when it first released, updating it with more chapters and making it still somewhat relevant when Briar's dealing with bad stuff felt in poor taste to me. But now, it seems Briar has less negative shit to deal with, and thus I feel comfortable updating the fic without fearing that it'll cause conflict for her.

The second part has to do with me. I've spoken on here before about how I'm actively in college, and thus I'm a full time student. I've also talked about how I have mental illnesses, and how they affect my daily life quite a bit. This case is no different. You see, MBaIGDiaPbALWWOtOS (jesus that's a long acronym) is originally a discord roleplay between me and Briar, with hundreds of messages from both of us making up the fic. In order to transfer it to ao3, I have to individually copy and paste each message into a google doc to make it more coherent. When that's done, I paste the chapter each set of messages makes up onto ao3. The task itself doesn't seem that bad, but trust me when I say that copying and pasting hundreds of individual dialogues and messages to make up ultimately a small part of a fic gets really draining and demotivating after a while. Let me show you the process.

First, we have the message I'm copying. This is going to be in either the next chapter or the chapter after that, so I don't feel too bad about potential spoilers.

I hold on the message and select 'copy text' to have the two paragraphs (or 3 sentences ig) on my clipboard

We're now in the google doc for the fic, with chapters marked out. I go down into a blank line, hold, and paste the text.

Since ao3 gets picky about spaces between lines, I go in and remove that space myself, since it gets confusing for me and Briar if we don't do that ourselves

And there's how it looks when I'm done. Granted, it's a ton easier to do on mobile than on pc, especially since I can split screen easily on mobile, but that's still quite a bit of work that I'm doing myself.

So yeah, that's why it can get draining at times. However, since my semester is ending soon, and summer break is beginning. I'm hoping that with the extra free time I have, I can better work on the fic.

So that's where MBFaI (much better acronym lol) has been. I just wanted to be transparent about it. That's all

[its-maemain]

So this morning as I struggled to want to get up an AU came to me. I've been struggling on how to word some of this so bare with me.

This got longer than I thought it would but here:

Lois Lane and Clark Kent find out they're having a child later on they find out it's a girl, they're overjoyed and shit. But their relationship is on the down low, and everyone in Metropolis is convinced that Lois and Superman not only have a thing for each other but are together(which they aren't wrong). So when Lex Luthor finds out Lois is pregnant he comes up with a plan(cause his blad ass thinks he's so smart). And he does succeed.

Clark has to go off planet for [intergalactic problem here] and so he's gone for a few months during Lois’s pregnancy. So while Superman is away Lex is like ‘yes my plan will go so much easier now’ and so Lois gives birth, after she(the baby) is put in the baby ward thing, Lex steals their daughter. He gives her this serum that (in theory) blocks her powers till something triggers them. It does work but he doesn't know what will trigger it or how well it works.

He decides to put her as far away from them as possible on Earth tho. So she's in France getting adopted by the lovely couple who own a bakery and want a child. They can't due to biological complications, and Lex can watch them easily ( he knows French ig for this ). And they get to name her cause she doesn't have name.

So enter Marinette Dupain-Cheng the adoptive daughter Tom Dupain and Sabine Cheng. There are some things they just can't explain about their daughter, they love her very much. Shenanigans my beloved, shall ensue.

But she's so small and doesn't have a lot of muscle how is she carrying this bag of flower at the age of 10? OH NO BOILING WATER GOT ON HER SHES GONNA GET BURN MAR- oh, she's okay...? MARINETTE DONT STARE AT THE SUN! They go to the doctor to check her eyesight, she has perfect vision. Marinette the fastest kid in her class, faster than Kim and Alix, they're playing hide and seek? Oh Mari is up a tree!

Back with Clark and Lois, Superman threatens Lex or talks to Bruce or something idk. Jon is made or born 2 years later(idk his story sometimes he's a clone sometimes he's not???!) when Mari is 2, then two more years later Con is born(I know for a fact he is born) so Mari is like 4. Bruce is doing the blood thing, but Lex has that shit under strict supervenience. And while raising the boys they learn what they should look for.

Tom and Sabine conclude that Mari is a Meta, talk to her about this when she is like 12, than when she is almost 14 she searches this stuff up and she's like “okay, no powers” well that gets thrown in her face when she was left with being Ladybug. Lex can't watch her anymore cause Paris closed itself off!

How being Ladybug affects Marinette:

She is still really strong even with that serum not letting her be at full strength so now that she has the Miraculous it enhances her already enhanced strength so she has to pull her punches, and this is one of the main reasons why she uses her yo-yo and her brain in battles rather than brute force, cause she could kill the akuma. At least she thinks so, who knows, depends on the writer!

Post [What-ever-the-fuck version of Gabriel we're dealing with]:

There are two ways this can go! 1) Mari during her time as Ladybug and Guardian activated the trigger so she could use all her half-Kryptonian-ness or 2) somehow it wasn't triggered yet but it was at some point while being around JL. Probably from being around Superman and her body went “FATHERRRRR”

And why Clark hasn't figured out this is his daughter after meeting her? Magic suit y'all! Prevents him from using x-ray vision on her, so he doesn't see her hybrid organs. One thing is for certain Bruce wants to adopt her! He can't of course cause she has already been adopted, so instead, he offers her a place to stay in Gotham, all paid, and any school of her choosing in Gotham. She says she’ll think about it, and when she researched she was surprised, and decided why not! She can fight villains, build her career, see what she can do with her new activated power, *cough* get all that pent-up rage out *COUGH*!

One big problem tho, the Meta and Magic users ban, so she talks to him again, he's like I'm willing to adjust my ban, then he does a double take cause “meta?” cause guess what Brucie, you wanna take in a meta-magic user! So he adjusts his rules.

Time passes, a long time depends, but Clark and Lois go to this gala being reporters and friends with Bruce. This gala is also Mari’s first. She's been doing great, other than almost burning her room in the middle of the night a few weeks ago. But it's fiiiiine, they're all learning, and Damian has his suspensions.

Clark was area of Bruce having another kid in his wings, and he does his x-ray things like he does all the batfam, and that's when he sees it! She wasn't human, she was part human. So he takes her Bruce, and is like “you can't have this child” “why tf can't I!” “this is our missing daughter!!”

So after the gala they all sit down and talk this out, they call Jon and Kon to get their asses here to see their sister! They talk to Tom and Sabine and they’re willing to share custody especially cause of how this happened! Anyway big family in the end.

This has probably been done somewhere but I needed to get this written out. I really want to write this, but if anyone does tag me please! PLEASE!

Bonus points for any salt or angst. Just sayin

Edit: it really shows how I didn't know about Kon and it pains me everytime I get a notification for this. Excuse my dumbassery.

Jon is born two years after Mari, Kon is made whenever the fuck he’s made, so Kon is like twoish year's older than Mari growth wise?? Cause Damian and Tim are like five/six years apart? (supposed to be anyway but who gives a shit, apparently not the DC writers, cause like aren't they supposed to be idk 7-9 years apart?? I don't care really it gives better annoying the shit out each other I'm specific ways while in the same household prevogligous)

They call Kon cause, “you're family regardless and we found our daughter we want you to meet her, get yo ass over here”

[white-tulips]

what are ur thots on the fandom-typical depiction of the sunny-basil fight, specifically the whole ~yandere~ basil thing + depicting basil as having overpowered sunny at ANY point in that fight (which is soo weird to me bc like. he takes like twice as much damage as he deals). ig i should say ur thoughts on the fandom approach to basil in general bc aside from the 'soft uwu baby' approach (which is more fluff than substance imo but aside from that harmless), there seems to be a lot of people in the fandom with this INCREDIBLY weird fixation with violence and overwhelming hostility being directed at the gay mentally ill child (specifically from hero for some reason??) and its so 😐

............................. PPL STILL THINK BASIL IS A YANDERE..............................???????????

I'm sorry, anon, this just took me the fuck out I really thought people were past this but I guess the fuck not. I don't involve myself in the fandom that much since I mostly stick to my solitary bubble so I really miss this shit, huh

but to answer your question, the way people interpret and characterize Basil generally tends to annoy me lmao. like you kind of said here, there's this sliding scale of extremes where one side is "uwu pure soft flowerboy" and the other is like "crazy obsessive violent terrible awful" and it's so fuckin' wild.

the Basil and Sunny fight is such a great scene, so the fact that people spin it to be a moment of Basil overpowering Sunny in a yandere fit is. strange, to say the least. it's true that Basil has an actual weapon while Sunny doesn't, but his original intent wasn't to hurt Sunny at all, it was to kill himself. Sunny just happened to walk in the room while Basil was having a total mental break, and had a horrible impulse decision that a double suicide would be preferable to their miserable realities. like, it's definitely not a good thing, but that's leagues more interesting than "Basil yandere"

and yeah, I reeaaaally hate people's tendency to direct all of the hate and blame onto Basil. I think people are just looking for a scapegoat, and they're obviously not going to want to have any negative feelings towards Sunny because he's the protag and he gets a heartfelt resolution for his guilt. and, unfortunately, Basil kind of willingly turned himself into the scapegoat in canon, but the problem with that is there was never any.. actual.... resolution for Basil, so it's a lot easier for fandom to continue treating him like a punching bag because that's just how he was written throughout the entire game lol. (I'm not actually laughing though). but, big agree on the fact that all of it being directed at the one implicitly gay character is 😐😐😐

though, I haven't seen what you're saying about it mostly people portraying Hero treating Basil like that????? I must be dodging the biggest bullet because that sounds weird as hell

[elverted]

*  knowing  your  partner  well  can  potentially  make  writing  a  lot  easier,  repost,  do  not  r.e.blog.

name :  sera. pronouns :  she / her ,  they / them. preference  of  communication :  at  this  point  smoke  signal,  carrier  pigeon  or  yelling  into  the  void  is  fine  w.  me  but  i  also  enjoy  tumblr  dms / discord  ( though  i  do  tend  to  forget / avoid  answering  them  because  socializing  is  Hard  sometimes :( ) name  of  muse(s) :  jane  ‘ 011 ′  hopper  ( this blog ),  selina  ‘ catwoman ’  kyle ( @nineprowls ),  dan  torrance  ( @shinedied,  maybe  one  day  his  muse  will  return  from  the  war  but  he  on  hiatus  atm ) experience / how  long  ( months / years ? ) :  lmao  u  make  it  sound  like  a  profession,  but  ig  i’d  count  2013 / 2014  when  i  rlly  started  rping.

best  experience :  would  definitely  be  meeting  @surftendo  back  in  the  twdrpc  mostly  because  we  are  engaged  and  have  been  living  with  each  other  for  the  past  7  years  xoxox  but  other  than  that,  i  love ??  every  like  ‘era’  /  muse  i’ve  taken  up  because  i’ve  always  met  new  people  and  really  have  been  super  lucky  with  always  having  friends / partners  who  are engaged  to  write  w.  me  ♥  oh,  another  thing !  people  who  follow  you  through  different  blogs,  and  are  willing  to  engage  with  you  on  any  muse !

rp  pet  peeves / deal  breakers :  writing  underage  muses  but  being  gross  about  it  ( oversexualization,  sexualization  in  general,  extreme  focus  on  shipping / romance  when  they’re  like  children  --  aging  up  just  to  ship / smut,  etc ),  being  an  elitist  ( in  whatever  form,  either  with  aesthetics,  muse’s  canon,  the  whole  comic / book  >  film / show  bs. ),  toxic  shit  ( cliques,  bullying,  trying  to  collect  people,  etc ),  anon  hate  or  vaguing.  and  godmoding / metagaming / etc.

muse  preferences  fluff,  angst,  or  smut :  given  jane  is  still  a  minor  ( even  though  i  do  think  often  about  her  as  an  adult,  etc )  i  do  not  engage  in  any  s3xu4l  content  on  this  blog  specifically.  i  do  love  angst,  but  also  like  breaking  down  canon  events  in  thread  form,  writing  out  the  actions  characters  take  against  a  partner  is  usually  super  interesting  as  well  as  making  really  sad  plots  :)

plots  or  memes :  it’s  honestly  a  lot  easier  for  me  to  engage  with  someone  with  memes  because  it’s  something  i  can  just  immediately  jump  on  and  run  with.  plotting  is  great,  but  often  times  i  find  a  lack  of  interest  to  actually  discuss  indepth  or  one  party  is  contributing  more  ( and  sometimes  it  isnt  me  tbh  but  i  do  love  coming  up  w.  ideas  we’re  all  just  scared  of  rejection )

long  or  short  replies :  i  can  get  pretty  winded,  but  honestly  i  try  to  make  sure  it’s  necessary  the  length.  though  i  do  try  to  match  at  least  the  paragraphs  of  my  partner  i’ve  been  trying  to  be  okay  with  either  one  reply  shorter  or  one  reply  longer.  just  feeling  the  flow  and  writing  what  i  think  is  appropriate.  quality / having  fun > quantity !

best  time  to  write :  oh boy  it’s  usually  whenever  i  can,  these  days  it’s  either  early  morning  ( 7 - 9 am )  to  like  late  evening  ( 10 - 3am )  but  honestly  the  muse  strikes  when  it  strikes.

are  you  like  your  muse(s) :  in  a  way,  yes.  there  has  to  be  that  initial  connection,  source  to  tap  into  for  me.  though  everyone  can  pretty  much  right  anyone,  i  feel  it’s  more  engaging  for  me  personally  if  i  can  tap  into  a  character’s  feelings.  though  i  can  hardly  relate  to  jane’s  experiences  in  the  lab,  i  can  understand  the  feelings  and  try  to  tap  into  it  that  way.  i  think  the  muse  i  connected  with  most  has  been  her,  dan  torrance  and  carl  grimes  because  of  their  rough  childhoods  and  having  to  grow  up  in  traumatic  conditions.  writing  them  has  actually  helped  me  throughout  the  years  with  coming  to  terms  w.  my  own  trauma.

Tagged by: @batfall ( love u ! )  Tagging: @surftendo ,  @crscendo ,  @rulebent ,  @ourpaladin / @guiltskate ,  @lightspoke ,  @nancewheelr​ ,  @gentsleuth ,  @gallowes  ,  &  u  since  i  just  wanna  keep  tagging  ppl  <3

[paleiido]

AHEM. Abi: 💐,🎡,🌈 ,❤️ Gabe: 💥,🌙,📣,❇️,💘  Mari: 🌠,🖍️,🎵  Miguil: 🙉,🌱,🔥,💚. Pick and choose. teehee

AHEM 🦅 (swoops down on you)

🐈Miguel:

first of all sicko. Honestly, he's pretty unbothered most of the time, but when it comes to his love it would be a hard hit. Anything diminishing it or implying it to be false would be bad.

But from Kitty specifically? I don't love you. He'd simply lose it and cry and throw up. Cuz, 1) why would she lie about that, 2) did she ever?

Peace and love to you.

Age 6, new girl on the playground, and her laugh rings out above anything else. With the setting sun her hair almost glows and she's laughing with his sister. She sees him looking and invites him to play with them.

He remembers thinking it was the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen, and he's lucky he still get to see the same smile everyday.

How fucking dare you 👺

Just like his big sister, he makes himself pass last. Could he better if he took opportunities thrown his way? Yeah. But he doesn't want to be better at the cost of people he cares about, and he doesn't want to lose them. He does truly think that and he's not that scared of the future but it's also an excuse.

He's reckless when emotional (jjoeblush) He's not used to being emotional so it leads to him making bad decisions but usually nothing ever lasting because he can get a grip on himself fairly quickly. But he tends to isolate a lot and not fighting, just leaving a situation.

Uhm being known and knowing :) Depends from people to people, but he's happy when he knows they're trying their best for him. Just knowing that I.e Matty saying sorry means a lot to her and its hard for her to do but she does for him. Or like Mari's presence is often enough because he knows she always has his back.

Otherwise he needs big hugs where he can hide his face , Kitty is smaller than him but generally hugs where he can hide his face in the crook of her neck :) She's the one who offers him comfort most of the time. REST UNDER DA CUT ✂

💌 Mariana:

She'd wish to never lose anyone without having to choose :) She wants it all, she knows she can't! But maybe they can make it work .

god. Hmmmm stop running before you have to. You might find you're better suited for it than you think.

I dunno enough artists to be like syeah she has a favorite one HAHAH

but ahem she has one here , the song i associate with her the most always changes :)

💘Gabriel:

Anger and sadness. He doesn't feel them often nor linger on it. But those who can make him feel them makes it..harder to deal with. With age it became easier but he was def punching walls in High school. rip eric's locker door ig

Heh. His greatest wish is for Eric and Kitty to be happy and being part of that happiness. He has a family in them and they're getting farther away and it scares him. He's not willing to push Kitty's boundaries for it but he'll push on Eric's because he knows Eric doesn't want to lose his daughter. (His ultimate wish was that Piper never died but lol. just...being all happy together. He would have loved to see it.)

Very loud! (heh 😏) His voice carries easily! He just has that presence about him. Talks semi polite like, too casual for business but not rigid. No voice claim for now...will think about it... He has a similar accent to everyone in town. Still talks hindi with his family a lot.

Something Kitty did at school and she sent over to him. He gushed over it to her for hours on phone . It looks so shit now but he loves teasing her about it and it's still really important. Meant the world to him that she thought about him. Otherwise, there's a gift from piper he keeps close and a gift from his parents when he graduated.

He does believe in attraction at first sight. Not so much love now.

In a relationship, he looks for understanding. Being able to communicate openly is very important to him. As long as they can work through stuff everything will be fine. He also needs someone who can understand they won't always pass first for him, especially for family.

🌞 Abigail:

sicko

White chrysanthemums - truth, loyalty & honesty

White orchids - humility, innocence, elegance , etc

Cyclamen - feelings and sincere affection

Red carnation - Love & affection

Hydrangea - gratitude for being understood Hydrangea and orchids being her favorite :)

It's not something important or that she thinks about. but she WILL HEH. Before Damo, no. Doesn't think it's anything special and it's not like she had the occasion for it. BUT! I think she will giggle and blush if Damo asks :) She's happy to indulge him.

To not lose herself.

So I thought it was word of affirmation but did a lil test and apparently its physical touch and quality time close second ♥.

[eltanin-malfoy]

The Portend (His Royal Highness II)

word count: 6.7k

warning(s): cursing, anxiety

a/n: hi all! i just wanted to say that i know this chapter’s length is SO different from the first one’s but that’s because that one is, again, 2 years old and was written all at once. the other chapters will also be fairly long from here on out. i hope you enjoy this one!

taglist: @drawlfoy @war-sword @lilyreachelcassidy @socontagiousimagines @andreasworlsboring101 [@kaibie @regalillegal @mayorofzillyhoo, i know you all wanted to be tagged in the full-length HRH and this is pretty much it ig. please let me know if you’re still interested and want me to add you to the permanent tag list for this series]

reply to this post or send me an ask/dm if you want to be added to the tag list for the series or for all of my fics!

HRH - Table Of Contents

Y/N placed her palms flat on her desk as if doing so would bring any sort of change to the absolute hurricane that had begun its wrath within her stomach. She tried to imagine she was somewhere else for a second. Why would any rational human being do this to someone? That too to someone with as much responsibility as she had. Oh, right… she’d forgotten. Prince Draco was far from rational. Far from being a human being, even.

She looked down at the paper trays with guest lists upon guest lists kept before her, shifted them to the side and planted her face on the wood. That’s better , she thought. Now no one else can see how fucking ridiculous I feel right now! She tried to think about what the hell she’d done to him to make him act so horribly towards her. What could she have possibly done in a past life that would have resulted in her having to face such a… conundrum? She’d thought it was hard enough having to bargain with the King and Queen over how much detail could possibly be squeezed into cake decorations but had no idea a situation even more stressful could and would arise.

How could she let herself get so weak? How could she not bring herself to be assertive? She could have just said no, right? It wasn’t that hard. He hadn’t been nice at all. She took a deep, deep breath, trying desperately to calm her brain. It had begun to run from thought to thought, imagining every possible scenario that could go wrong. She had so much work left to complete on her own, and god knew how much attention and criticism she might face at and after the ball.

And the way she’d freaked out in front of Draco as well! She was sure he must’ve been at least a little put off by how strongly and emotionally she’d reacted so quickly. God, not that that should matter that much but… if they were supposed to work together for a highly publicised ordeal, they had to get along, right? Right? She hadn’t meant to do that. It’s just that he’d already shocked her a bit by slipping into her office so unexpectedly. And then he’d gone on and rushed to… that . Not to excuse what he did but perhaps she should’ve realised she didn’t need to panic so much over it either. She knew she was having a hard time with her anxiety…

Nevertheless, she brought her hands to the edge of the table closer to her and pushed herself up. She looked forwards, turning slightly to face the window she was looking out before everything turned to shit. The scenery was still gorgeous, albeit not that comforting anymore but looking out at the wide expanse of a beautiful garden would bring just about anyone some tranquillity. She had been thinking about how lovely the weather was today, how nice it would be to go for a walk after she’d finished up with her work. Maybe she could even head downtown for once and meet some old friends. But no, no one was happy just giving her a single moment of peace. Even fate was bent upon just giving her as much to stress about as was possible.

She looked down at the paper trays she’d just abandoned. Administrative work could distract her a bit, couldn’t it? All she had to do was send RSVP reminders and reach out to the guests and performers coming in from out of town about their travel and accommodation details. As well as request the performers for the outlines of their performances and send them contracts saying they’d stick by the approved setups. They couldn’t have a repeat of last year’s embarrassing The Hobgoblins’ performance. To be very brief, it had gone sexual. (The King and Queen’s expressions during it were still popular reaction gifs) She picked out one of the lists and opened up her laptop, finally beginning the work she’d been putting off all morning. It seemed so much easier and more comforting now that she had the much more disturbing dilemma on hand. She corroborated the list in front of her, adding ticks and crosses to the list to mark invitees as having confirmed or not. She then compiled their contact details and created a template for emails to send to those that had yet to confirm their attendance and travel itineraries. After this, she did the same with the list of performers, making sure to add enough information to their emails regarding the outlines they should send back.

And there… most of her work was done already, wasn’t it? Now all she had to do was proofread these, make sure all of the addressees were receiving the appropriate emails and well, press send. It shouldn’t take too long and then she could… She could get back to stressing about the problem fucking Draco had landed her in, goddammit! She was right back there again, her stomach beginning to swirl dangerously. She tried to take in a few deep breaths, forcing herself to get back to work. It wasn’t that hard. It wasn’t that hard!

Never mind, she couldn’t deal with it right now. She… Well, she needed a break. Or maybe she just needed to leave work early today. It was fair game after what the hell Draco had just unloaded on her. It was time she gave her intern some actual responsibility anyway. He was a sweet little fellow, straight out of university. Had his head in the right place but wasn’t particularly good with all the practical work yet. She’d assigned him some random organisational task she knew wouldn’t take her more than a minute and wasn’t going to bother checking because she thought it was simply too easy. Hopefully, he’d been able to do it to her standards.

She sat back in her chair and raised her hands up to her head, stretching out her fingers and breathing in and out deeply through her mouth. She was going to do this. She was really going to handle this (easier) bit of the work off to the intern and he was going to do it just fine. Just fine. Maybe she might have to assist him with it a little bit but it was going to work. It would work. Yes, it would. She shook her head to try and shake off some of her anxiety and stood up, closing her laptop’s screen and picking up the tray of guest lists. She walked out of her office and into the large room outside of it, which had a small group of cubicles placed in the middle.

While the rest looked rapt in their work (an exaggeration, to be sure, a lot of them were chatting with their co-workers and eating snacks), she noted her dear intern was just sitting idle which both made her feel hopeful and worried. He was sitting with his laptop closed, one hand tapping on the table’s surface, the other holding his phone.

“Hi, Colin!” Y/N said and he jerked forwards in surprise, dropping his phone to the floor. “Oh… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”. Colin shook his head as he picked it up and looked it over, “It’s no problem, miss… My phone is just fine. Are you alright? I know the prince was just in your office, he came to ask me where it was first! I was so excited and I asked him for a picture but he said he was in a rush! I can’t believe I’ve managed to have a conversation with one of the royals already!” Hmm… “have a conversation” was probably a stretch but… she chose to ignore that. The boy was definitely an optimist and she couldn’t fault him for that.

“That’s lovely, Colin. I’m sure you’ll get to talk to him and the others again. I had some work for you if you’re up to it.”

“Yes, of course! Does it have anything to do with the prin-”

“Let’s calm down there, Colin. I trust you’ve completed what I assigned you earlier?”

“... Oh, yes I have!”

“That’s great.”

She set the paper tray on the side of his desk and he looked at it for a few seconds before looking up at her again.

“So… what do I have to do?”

Y/N gulped and laid out the lists for him, beginning to explain to him the meanings of the markings she’d made and the emails he had to look through and send off.

***

Beep, beep.

Y/N kept her phone pressed between her shoulder and her ear as she walked around her apartment. She was holding a large iced vanilla latte in one hand and her purse in the other. She knew she needed to set something down but felt too jittery to do anything but pace around with her stuff. It was probably partly inspired by the amount of caffeine she’d drank that day but hey, that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Today was also a terribly tense day, wasn’t it?

Beep, beep.

She took a nice long sip of her latte, relishing in how nice and cold it was. She had the air conditioner on and had taken off her blazer but it still felt like she was this close to overheating. This sudden heatwave throughout the country was absolutely unwelcome as far as she was concerned.

Now if only Pansy’d pick up so she could get some clarity on the situation. Suddenly the dial tone ended and she heard the crackling of breathing through the speaker.

“Hello, Y/N?”

She smiled and finally set her purse down.

“Hi, Pansy! It’s so nice to finally hear your voice. Are you free to talk?”

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting, I was just sending off this email but now I’m free for a bit, yes. And Jesus, Y/N, is something… up?”

“Oh, nothing… it’s just… the prince really got me gobsmacked today.”

She hears her gasp over the phone.

“Oh my, the prince?! Well then… I certainly wasn’t expecting that. Although, I suppose… it’s not so far off for the prince to bother you when you’re working at the palace...”

“Pansy… that’s beside the point.”

“Yeah, okay, so… what happened? You have to tell me now.”

“I will but you need to promise me you won’t get mad or jealous of me or anything. I didn’t choose to be a part of it.”

“Of course I won’t be mad. Why would I be?”

“Well, you know, your history and… how you were off your trolley about him as a teenager?”

“Oh, bugger off, babe. That’s not even true anyway.”

“Oh, really? I can vaguely recall someone crying and taking care of him for weeks after he was attacked by that bird he harassed in the first place.”

“I was just… overemotional.”

“Right.”

“So what, okay? So what if I liked him for a while? There’s nothing there anymore. Even waking up to him the next day after the… you know what between us, I was just repulsed. And you thought he was fit too! So. And I feel like I only just liked him because I thought my parents would be happy with us together.”

“That’s… fair. But yes, you’re right, I’ll get back to my story then.”

“Yes, please.”

Y/N started to unbutton the collar of her shirt, beginning to feel hot again. She took another sip of her latte.

“Well, basically, I was just sitting in my office, you know, minding my own business, when Mr Royalty just busts in and starts talking to me.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Yeah, I know right? Anyway, he got straight to it and asked me to be his date to the coronation ball.”

“Holy shit! That’s… never mind, but you said no, right?”

“Well… at first, yes. But then...”

“You what? That’s so unlike you, Y/N, come on…”

“I know, okay… I shouldn’t have. I just started to feel bad for him and I... Should I get out of it? I’m thinking I will. It’ll be stressful, won’t it? I just… I don’t know what to do about it, okay? I’m lost. Help me.”

Pansy fell silent for a second and Y/N undid the whole of her button-down, setting her drink down onto a table as she headed into her bedroom to look for a lighter change of clothes.

“You know the first thing I’m going to tell you is you owe him nothing. I know you felt bad for him but he really shouldn’t have asked you that with no context or anything. He was the one in the wrong here for sure. It’s sweet of you to accept his offer but you don’t have to keep up on it if it’s really stressing you out so much. Also, the fact that you accepted such a spontaneous offer makes me a little sceptical of the power play there...”

“You’re right. Also, I think it definitely wasn’t nice of him but he wasn't mean about it or anything. He was definitely adamant but eh....”

She set her phone onto her bed and turned it to speakerphone, opening her wardrobe and taking out a t-shirt and some shorts.

“At the same time… when we look at the positives, they are fairly significant. You’ll likely have to give in… not that many hours in exchange for a pretty fun night. You know the service at royal events is amazing and if you’re literally the date of the guy the event is being thrown for, the King being crowned that night… I’m going to guess you’ll get so much from that. You’ll obviously get some… fame and have to pack on some PDA there and what not but that means free stuff, great clothes, who even knows what else. You’d just have to work extra hard for that time and balance the work, but I thought you said you were done with a lot of the stuff already.”

“That is … true.”

“But you’re not happy with that, are you?”

“You don’t have to say it like that. It’s just… actually I don’t have a counterargument for that. The perks do sound pretty good.”

“Right? But you know, there might be criticism or hate or something you might get.”

“Well… I’ll also get paid to advertise things after that, won’t I? And free things and VIP invites to places I wouldn’t even have been able to enter before.”

“Well, yes, but… maybe that’s something of an exaggeration, you know. Not every brand or group or whatever is that fixated on how much publicity they can get.”

“... I mean, aren’t they?”

“Okay, yes, they are. I think you should do this.” Y/N laughed as she took off her skirt. She sat down on her bed in her underwear, lying down so her head was near her phone.

“This was a very helpful call. Thank you.”

“I do agree, I think I was a huge help.”

“I concur. Again.”

“Thank you! Now, can I request an invitation to the ball as well?”

“Pansy!”

She giggled and sat up, crossing her arms. “Of course I’ll get you an invite, Pans!”

“Great. I was expecting that. I’m not missing you floundering around, having a… Cinderella moment for the world.”

“A Cinderella moment?”

“You know, getting a chance to dress up like a princess for a night? It’s weirdly literal too, it’s just for the night and then you go back to being normal again. Unless… the prince charming decides…”

“Shush up!” Y/N felt her face beginning to heat up. Not for the second time in one day… She sighed. And… partly because of the same person too.

“I’m sorry, darling. I hope I didn’t say too much there. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah of course. It’s just a problem I’m starting to recognise with me. I keep getting more aggressive and emotionally charged than I mean to be.”

“I get that… you could try meditation, you know. Or you could join my yoga class, it’s pretty relaxing. The teacher has a nice butt too.”

“Pans!”

“Y/N!”

***

Her evening was fairly relaxed after that. The call with Pansy had seemed to fix the problem. Well, not exactly “fix”, more like change the way she looked at the issue so it felt all the lighter. And it worked pretty much the same. She began to feel so much better about the decision she’d made. After all, even if it was destiny or whatever, she’d been chosen for a reason, right? She’d managed to get Draco’s number off of Pansy. (“ It’s from… way back when so forgive me if he changed his number to get me off his back or some shit. ”) And… on a caffeine high, she had decided to text him almost right away.

Hi, your royal highness!

It only took a few hours but soon she was privy to:

Where did you get this number?

Got it from a friend. It’s Y/N btw :) should’ve said that before.

Oh, right! That makes sense. How’re you doing?

I’m alright, thanks. What about you?

I’m okay.

Listen, I was thinking about what happened today.

And now I’m wondering if we could meet tomorrow? Morning, if possible? It’s urgent.

Y/N squinted down at this message in confusion. What was this suggesting? Was there something wrong? Was he going to retract his offer? She knew there must be some kind of administrative work they’d have to log but was it really that serious already?

Sure, I’ll be free to meet before 9:30.

That is not what I was thinking of when I said morning :(

What, do you wake up at 4 o’clock or something?

No, I meant that that was too early!

She rolled her eyes. She should have seen that coming. He wasn’t exactly known for being put together. Or spiritual, for that matter.

We can call now if you really want.

No, it’s okay. It’s better we talk about it in person. I should try and wake up earlier anyway.

As you wish.

So I’ll meet you tomorrow then. Let’s say, 9 am sharp?

Perfect. I get dropped to the main drop off point at that time anyway.

Great. See you xx

See ya x

Y/N set her phone on her counter and put it to charge for the night. What the fuck? What was happening? The sleep she’d been looking forward to seemed to have suddenly drifted away. What was she going to have to worry about tomorrow morning?! She shifted under her sheets, turning where she lay to face the other side and look out her bedroom window. It was a clear, clear night. If she looked hard enough, she could probably see the edge of the royal estate. But then again, she really didn’t want to. She turned to the other side and just stared at her closet.

She wasn’t sure when her mind got tired of imagining potential disaster scenarios for the next day but Y/N woke up to the sound of her alarm ringing at 6:45 am. She reached over to her nightstand and turned it off, sitting up in bed and looking out the sun already shining bright in her window. It was barely May but the days had already begun to increase in length.

Since she’d woken up with ample time to complete her routine, she did everything she could to pamper herself, spending almost an hour in the bathroom. She even changed into her nicest formal clothes after, a white pantsuit with dark detailing. She packed her work bag with the essentials, her laptop, her water bottle, her royal admin ID, her wallet, stationery and her phone. She felt very prepared for once. Whatever was coming her way would be taken care of as needed.

She had a comfortable trip from her apartment building to the estate, the state-sanctioned car ride feeling a lot less bumpy than usual. It was still just as clear as it was last night, but the car’s windows were tinted so the sun’s rays felt like they barely even touched it. There was only the slightest hiccup when the driver slammed the brakes too hard all of a sudden and made Y/N’s face hit the seat before hers. OUCH!?

It didn’t take very long for the car to get to the palace, stopping at the main entrance pavilion. She didn’t notice anyone there yet and checked the time. It was still only 8:53 am. She had enough time to walk to the administrative wing, leave her things there and come back with time to spare. She walked through the hallway and towards the next hall which she knew led her to-

“Fuck me!” “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Hi, Y/N.”

She had her hand on her heart, trying to slow down her breathing as she looked at the blonde who had bumped straight into her. He had his hands in front of her to catch her if she fell. Thankfully, she had just missed falling.

“What the hell is it with you and giving me heart attacks?”

"I promise you that wasn’t my intention.”

“Well, I’d sure have hoped it wasn’t.”

She sighed and dropped her hand to her side, looking up at him with an eyebrow raised.

“So?”

“So, yes. Um. Can we walk or something? I don’t want to be standing here and have someone walk in on us?”

“... Draco, what do you have planned exactly...?”

She looked up at him quizzically and smirked. He managed a small smile but shook his head.

“God, get your mind out of the gutter! I just mean… this is stressful, okay?”

“Well, I’d like to drop my things off at my office if you don’t mind.”

“Alright, I’ll wait for you by the admin wing’s garden exit.”

“Done.”

***

Y/N had decided to leave her blazer on her chair and all her belongings except for her phone on her desk. Hopefully, Colin was good enough as a guard or she was getting robbed. Either way, she could spot a tall blonde’s head nervously bobbing above the hedge next to the exit. His face was a concerning shade of pink, goodness could only hope he’d put on an adequate amount of sun cream.

“Draco?”

“Yes, hi.”

He managed out, looking toward her walking out now.

“Are you okay? You look… red.”

“I’m fine.”

“I mean, are you sunburnt?”

“Oh…?”

He brought a hand up to touch his cheek.

“No, but that’s a good point. Let’s stand in the shade.”

She stopped where she was and he walked in to meet her. She felt her insides begin to do the jitterbug in anticipation. What could possibly have him so on edge? What was wrong?

“I’m really very sorry about yesterday. I wasn’t exactly thinking very straight when I came to see you. In hindsight, I know it got on your nerves and everything and I should’ve been a lot better at telling you about it.”

“It’s no big deal now, honestly.”

“Okay, but that’s not exactly why I called you. The thing is, there’s going to be a lot of PR work at this ball. I didn’t realise it before but Mother told me she’s arranging a meeting with our publicist for us today. And the publicist is never there just to take the piss. This is serious now. Like, even more than I thought it was.”

“I- what do you-”

“It’ll be very pressing, I would never hold it against you if you decided to pull out.” He stared into her eyes with a pensive expression on his face and Y/N felt whatever response she had been planning just vanish from existence. She pretended to have comprehended everything he said, but could only really think of saying one thing right then… That’s what she said... but that would be inappropriate. He soon got conscious and looked to the side and she felt the cogs in her brain begin to work again.

“The thing is my mother was getting a little impatient with me and telling me it was time for me to tell her who my date for the ball is. My parents have been begging me to find one unless I want to risk an arranged marriage, it’s a long story. So, I told them I’d find a date for myself and that they don’t need to worry. The truth is, I didn’t actually bother to find one and it was starting to get a little late. You know there’s only one month left till... right, you know. So… she came to talk to me about it over lunch and she told me I had to tell her who it was so she could arrange everything for us. I started to think about whom my parents would be okay with me going with and whom I would be okay with and well… you were on top of the list.”

“I’m hoping that’s a compliment.”

“It- it is. I told her your name and she was satisfied with it, I think. And then I was scared she’d come and talk to you immediately so I ran to you first and just asked you about it then. Again, I’m sorry it came out as forcefully as it did. I didn’t mean to… get you stuck in this whole thing.”

He took a deep breath and looked back at her again. Her stomach seemed to begin buzzing as she felt her anxiety grow. This was not going to go as smoothly as she expected, was it? The queen, and most likely the king as well, knew. Although that wasn’t exactly unanticipated, it gave everything a sense of finality. Like, she didn’t have much legroom here at all.

“Anyway, that's what happened. I’m sorry, again.”

He looked at her as if he was waiting for her to yell at him. She wasn’t intending to and just turned to the side, trying to calm her racing heart. She needed to make a decision, didn’t she? And who knows what kind of problems would face her, either way, she decided to go? It seemed like teasing to dangle this lux option in front of her just to draw it away. Draco annoyed her.

Looking at how strangely afraid of her he looked, she couldn’t help but notice how very much he started to look like the Draco she used to know. Little and arrogant and scarily afraid of his parents getting upset with him.

“You’re fine. I… I’m going to need some time.”

“That’s okay. You can take as much time as you need. The problem is, I have no idea when today my mother is going to pull you out for the publicist meeting.”

Y/N huffed slightly and covered her face. So, what was she going to do? What was she going to do?

“I’m in.” She’d set her mind to it, hadn’t she? She’d made a promise to the prince, and his parents knew of it already. She’d already told Pansy she was going for it. Well, all of those things and also the prospect of fulfilling a childhood princess fantasy seemed more enjoyable than anything. There was something so gratifying in that idea, dressing up well and being pampered and showered with affection and just… pretending to be a princess. What could be more fun than that?

“You’re sure?”

The answer was nothing.

“Yes.”

Most likely.

“Well, I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“So do I.”

***

It still hadn’t really sunk in yet that she was actually going to do whatever this would entail. Sure, she’d been dreaming about it the day before but it seemed completely different now. Her gut seemed to be calmer now, signifying that perhaps her intuition hadn’t been completely off guiding her in the direction it had.

What’s sad was Y/N was still lost about this after Narcissa had whisked her away into one of the palace’s many giant bedrooms. She was sitting on the bed, still in her work clothes, stressed after having had to explain to Colin how to decide how accommodations would be settled for the guests and the performers coming. She’d been expecting the meeting with the publicist and Draco to happen but she was lost as to what was taking place right now.

Narcissa approached her with a clipboard and a pen. “Now, dear, I just need you to sign these first.” Y/N took both from her and glossed through the texts.

A non-disclosure agreement and an employment contract…

“I’m sorry, your majesty. Do you mind me going through the documents before signing them?”

“Absolutely not, sweetheart. Though do try to rush, we have appointments we need to get to in time.”

“Thank you, ma’am. Honestly, ma’am, I’m not too aware of legal jargon like this. Could I please ask you to explain the purpose of this agreement?”

“Well, when any…”

She seemed to want to say a word but held it back, twisting her tongue around in her mouth as she thought of what to say.

“Person unfamiliar with our ancestry and our policies gets… involved with a member of the family, we have them sign one of these in order to protect our privacy.”

“I see…”

That seemed very… imperialist of them. She began to skim through the document, trying her best to understand it based on what little knowledge of this she had. It all seemed par for the course except for the last clause.

“I’m sorry again, ma’am. The others make sense to me but this one: 11. Covertness, it’s quite vague, the “other actor”…?.”

“To be transparent, the King and I posed the covertness clause as a protective measure. We don’t need Draco learning about this agreement and growing wary of all of us. We’re doing it to protect him more than anything. You are not to revert any of this portion of our meeting to him and he mustn't ever come to know of this agreement or the contract at all.”

The Queen suddenly seemed scarier than she ever had in all the years she’d known her.

“Well, that’s- I’ll have to think about that for a second.”

She started looking through the employment contract. It was similar to the one she currently held, nothing too special, except for the fact that it detailed that she was entitled to a lump sum of £200,000 at the end of the event, assuming she kept up her end of the agreement. She paused for a moment and just stared at that number.

“Is this a misprint by any chance, ma’am?” The Queen leaned over and looked at where she was pointing, then shook her head.

“No, it is not.”

She took a deep breath. That would be much more than enough to have her set for life and for a private event planning business alongside. It would take her 10 years to even come close to earning as much. She continued reading the document. She was supposed to participate in a few publicity stunts, make it clear “she had good intentions” and was supposed to disconnect from the prince entirely after the affair was over. Those terms didn’t sound too harsh, now, did they? A little acting and ghosting for 200 grand? It didn’t sound like much. Even a real big shot actor wouldn’t get paid half as much for such little work. And the part about her leaving the prince alone after was a little strange, but she supposed it made sense, what with the royals’ obsession with keeping their family all blue-blooded. Draco had been the poster child for that kind of thing growing up. And she likely didn’t have an ounce of it in her.

Why were they even that desperate anyway? This seemed huge. It might boost the prince’s reputation a bit but… what else was there to this? She knew the country was not doing the best in terms of international relations but did this really hold that much weight along those terms? Surely, there was something here she was missing. Regardless, 200,000 quid for a little work and a lot of fun was too amazing an offer to turn down. And so, Y/N signed both papers and handed them back to her. Jesus Christ, Draco’s impulsive decision was about to get her rich. Quick. She certainly hadn’t been expecting this.

She handed the clipboard back to the Queen who smiled and took it back quickly, setting the papers into a folder which she kept in a decorative paper bag. Not a bad hiding place at all. She walked outside for a few minutes, before reentering, followed by a squat old lady well-dressed in mauve and a younger woman wearing similar clothes. The Queen ushered towards either of them and began speaking.

“Madam Malkin and assistant, this is miss Y/L/N, the crown prince’s date to the coronation ball, miss Y/L/N, this is Madam Malkin, the family’s official stylist and designer, and her assistant.”

Y/N raised her hand out for her to shake, and she did so, firmly. “It’s so great to meet you, Madam.”

“Pleasure as well, love.”

She retracted her hand, looked over Y/N’s outfit and began whispering to her assistant.

“Well, to be very honest, I feel we don’t have to worry about my wardrobe as much. I know I probably don’t meet the royal standards but… I was planning on buying this really nice dress online anyway. I could show it to you and have you approve it if that would be fine.”

The Queen looked at her vacantly, her eyebrows raised and her nose pinched in the slightest. Then her expression settled and she exchanged a look with Madam Malkin before looking back at Y/N. Madam Malkin maintained an unamused expression, then began to speak.

“ I hope you know we’re not going to let you just wear a dress you bought online to the ball… We’ll tailor one for you. And your other clothes will be picked from contemporary designers ourselves.”

Y/N just looked at her silently, nodding and blinking slowly in assent.

***

An hour or so of Y/N having to change into various clothes behind a divider and then show them off to the pair of them passed quickly. It was very fun knowing she’d get a bunch of very nice clothes out of this (even custom made underwear so her clothes fit her right over them!), and she thought the royal family was really being very generous with all of this. Lots of money and clothes? There had to be some kind of catch, right? Something that would make this hard to keep up with? What was it? Just the stress of all the work that’d pile up? That didn’t seem like enough. Everything was not going the way she was anticipating. It was going a hell of a lot better. Mostly.

The actual meeting she’d been waiting for all morning was finally occurring. She was seated in a meeting room opposite the Queen and Draco and their publicist. It was weird seeing them like this. It seemed like a strange grown-up parent-teacher conference.

“So, our point is, we need to have you both make it clear to the public that there is a strong relationship between the two of you.”

The redheaded man droned on at the head of the table and Y/N looked over at Draco who glanced at her as well before both turning to look at the man.

“It’s Percy, right? I’m just a little… I’m sorry if I just don’t know my current affairs well enough for this but… why?” Y/N gulped, crossing her arms tightly after asking this question. It was quite bold of her for sure. She could only hope she wasn’t violating anything by asking this. “She’s not wrong.” Draco chimed in, ”You never had to do anything like this, mother.” The Queen smiled but shook her head. “Things just aren’t the same anymore, are they?” She looked over at Percy to continue.

“We now live in a world of social media and tabloids and none of that will work towards the image we need to create.”

Draco seemed to be satisfied with that and just looked at Y/N silently, who could only really do the same at this point. “I’m sorry, again, I… think I’m missing something here. What “image” are we trying to create?”

Percy and the Queen exchanged a long look, where she pursed her lips and shook her head somewhat disapprovingly. She then nodded and he began to speak.

“Miss Y/L/N, to be very frank, the kingdom isn’t doing amazing. In terms of international relations and funding and… most importantly, resources and trading. We’re afraid we’re losing allies and we cannot risk anything. We not only need to increase viewership and publicity of the ceremony and the ball, but we need to raise the reputation of the family and the prince in the public eye. It’s… a trend at King’s coronation balls for royals or other elite families to offer their daughters’ hands in marriage to the crown prince or king. Our prince is bent upon not getting into an arranged marriage and having to reject offers is a lot more publicly disgraceful than you might anticipate. As you might know, the country wasn’t even on speaking terms with one of its neighbours because centuries ago a crown prince rejected an offer for marriage and an alliance with them. We cannot risk having that happen when we’re in as dire straits as we are.”

Y/N could only look up at him with her mouth agape. They were serious. This was why it mattered so much to them. This was why she was being paid to do this. In case they offended an ally or just any other country. Because of the prince’s idealistic desires for romance or whatever it was. Although she couldn’t really fault him for that, his father hadn’t had to do the same and she’d heard the conditions for some of those alliances and the situations they landed themselves in the future were never that positive.

She nodded up at Percy. “I understand. I should probably read a bit more on the news and the family anyway. I tend to avoid it.” Percy barely seemed to notice her response and started to talk about strategies and actions that needed to be taken. The meeting ended with Draco and Y/N agreeing to keep up with their public profiles and maintain a good reputation on them. They were supposed to interact more publicly for the time being while Percy laid out more intricate publicity stunt plans.

As she left the room and started to walk back to her office, thinking about what work she had to do, someone tapped at her shoulder gently. She turned around to see the very same prince that had dragged her into this mess staring down at her.

“Again, I’m sorry.”

Him saying that like this made her feel guilty now.

“It’s- it’s really okay. You don’t have to say that.”

“I feel like I have to. You’re barely getting anything for doing this for us.”

“That’s- that’s not true. I’ll have my fun, won’t I?”

“Well, whatever it is, what I told you yesterday, the offer still stands. I’ll get you anything, I’ll buy you a mansion, whatever you like.”

“Not that I’d ever decline you giving me anything… you really don’t need to. Thank you for the offer, though.”

Y/N bit her lip and smiled up at him, waving him off as he made to leave, pretending like that was really the truth. She watched him as he walked to the other end of the hallway. She was going to have to keep up this lie all the way till the event. It definitely wasn’t going to be easy. She began to clench her jaw, setting a hand on the wall as everything rushed through her head.

This was exactly like Cinderella except she had no evil stepmother or fairy godmother or glass slipper or a prince charming on a quest to find her, just a lump sum, publicised PDA and more acting than she realised. And absolutely no way out of seeing the story through anymore.

a/n: there will be a hell of a lot more draco in the next chapters, stay tuned!