#still deciding what to do with -this- blog so in the meantime check this one out!!

[elysabeththequeene]

my christian and satine fics (so far)

these are all one-shots, i still have some WIP's on the way and i'll be updating this list once i've posted something new. in the meantime i decided to just place what i have so far in one go so it would be easy to find on my blog and for anyone who wants to check it out

wandered inside

she comes to him in sleep and passes like the wind, vastly in a breeze but can still quickly be seen

in my sleepless solitude

Slowly, her eyes start to close, everything’s all so dark and empty, as hollow as how she had left him be. She starts humming a melody, with words forming out of it too. Trying to come at ease until she sees and feels him in her own sight.

pressed against you there (and leave the world behind)

“Is everything okay darling?” He asks, stroking her back in patterns as she leans onto his touch. “I just missed you.” She quickly sighs and responds,  this makes his cheeks turn red and his heart warm. Satine looks up so she could face him for their eyes to meet, and he presses his lips on her forehead that she reacts to with nothing but a beam on her face. 

the gallows of heartache that hang from above

“I will fight for it. For us.” Christian replies, his hands cupping her face and pressing kisses on her temple.

we'll be fine, i know it.

but if anything it meant they were both free. Free to fly away. 

share in evening's cool and quiet

"It was only a dream, I'm here and I love you.” Satine continues, drawing her hand back and down leaning up to kiss Christian softly.

you thrill me, you delight me

and life couldn’t get any more perfect than this.

flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful

Satine giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck, “Do you know how much I love you?” “Well my dear, I definitely may have an idea.” He smiled, running his hand across her cheek.

but would you still miss me in your bones?

a one shot prompt request: where Christian had just lost Satine, and he goes back to England to live with his family again, and his mother offers some comfort for losing Satine and his father is reluctant to offer support, as he detested Christian leaving for France in the first place.

[femmefighter]

FIFI I still don't understand how Sokabine is still a rarepair, like....why, it's so good??? Do we need to have an event or something? I need to write something too🥺🥺🥺. I've been slacking on Sokabine 😭.

Oh my lovely. What a mysterfying question you ask!

I can only say I struggle to answer it, as I, being a Sokabine addict, fail to fully understand why other people don't appreciate such a delicious ship.

The only way I can attempt to understand is by likening Sokabine to Nutella ice cream. Just as how lots of people like shipping, lots of people like ice cream. And there are so many flavours of ice cream! Nutella ice cream is that decedent blend of chocolate and nutty hazelnut (I'll let you decide on who is the chocolate and who is the nuts). Being ice cream, it's a perfect summer treat, however it has a heaviness of flavour that makes it soul-warming enough to eat it even in the winter months.

But some people don't want to try Nutella ice cream. Maybe trying Nutella ice cream gets in the way of them enjoying their personal OTP flavours of boysenberry and lemon gelato, or their peppermint and strawberry combo? Those flavours may be the only comfort they get in this chaotic world, and they don't want to risk not having their comfort food to try something new. Valid! Maybe they see Nutella ice cream as guilty treat. Maybe they've been taught to be ashamed of Nutella ice cream for some reason, and so they only eat it when no one else is looking? Valid! Or maybe they've only ever known vanilla ice cream, and are too scared to try something different, or a pressured by comp-vanilla-het society to not dare deviate? Valid! Maybe they've only bought ice cream from a stall that doesn't offer Nutella ice cream, and thus didn't realise such a flavour exists? You guessed it. Also valid!

So yeah, so many reasons that I can't answer for because that's not my experience. I will eat my coffee ice cream, my peanut butter brownie ice cream, my strawberry ice cream, my roasted almond ice cream, my mango ice cream. But my Nutella ice cream will always be my number one go-to.

We don't have a Sokabine blog, or a Sokabine server. I've found a little safe space on a Bo-Katan server which is my happy place where I can get comfy with other Sokabine lovers (all 12 of us). Maybe I could start a blog? I don't think I have the emotional space or time/energy to run a server, even though the numbers would be so few right now. A Sokabine event would be amazing, but without a Sokabine blog or server to back/promote it, it might not get much traction. I've found a lot of my work was merely tolerated during past Ahsoka Series-related events because the ship does seem to get under some people's skin. That's okay, I don't need an event to write my stuff for, and I'm finding my safe people slowly.

An answer I can offer you, however, is reasons to like Sokabine as a ship. Why the Sokabine ship deserves to be upgraded from tugboat to cruiseliner. But I might save that for another post, as it's dissertation-worthy, and I'll add graphics for some weight to my brain rot. The simplest answer for that though I'll let you see for yourself in the utter beauty of these two characters below (and extra kudos for Ahsoka blatantly checking out Sabine's arse here). In the meantime...

Thanks for the ask!

Gif by the lovely @reeveskryze 😘

[crowleybigbang]

Crowley's Big Bang 2023

The time has finally come, darlings.

After a long pause, the Crowley Big Bang is back, new and improved.

In fact, this is not going to be a traditional Bang.

We do realise that lots of us have gone back to working full time, with all the stress and fatigue that this may cause. So, to allow us to focus better on the torture, we decided to try something a little different: allow us to present you:

Crowley Against Humanity.

The whole thing is going to be as easy as standing in line in Hell: two prompt lists (black and white cards, if you’re familiar with the game).

The Prompts Lists are coming tomorrow, 1st of July!

Care to bury your box and join us at this crossroads? Then, under the cut you go.

You pick up to two prompts from each list, and mix and match away to your heart's content - provided you still have one.

You enjoy your creations, share them with us, and wait for October - since we're shooting for a month filled with creations and hellish chaos.

The prompts can be used faithfully, mentioned in passing, used as loose inspiration: we just want you to have fun.

How about collaborations? We know that those are the heart of a Bang. This year, those will not be handled by the mods - freeing you from check-ins, deadlines and such.

But, once the prompts have been claimed, we encourage you to reach out to fellow minions and see what team-up can see the light! No limits there: two artists, two authors, multiple artists and one author… as long as everything is safe and consensual, the sky’s the limit.

Deadlines and Timing:

Sign Ups open on July 7th! You’ll find the link here and on our Discord server, complete with instructions. If not, just shoot us an ask!

After that, you’ll have until the 21st of July to sign up - artist or author, welcome!

The prompts claims will be on July 22nd.

You have until the 30th of July to tell us if you decided to work with someone.

Works are due the 24th of September.

The Fine Print

Of course, there are rules.

In order to participate, you have to connect with us on Discord - You’ll find the invitation link to the server included in the sign-up form - or you can send us an ask if you want to get in before that.

First, you don't act like pre-cure Crowley, or any of his minions. Not to the mods, not to your fellow creators. You do that, you'll be snapped into oblivion - AKA banned from the Bang.

We won't reblog hateful content of any kind. It’s not our role to police your creations, but it’s our job to keep this space as safe as possible and enjoyable for everyone. Trigger warnings and detailed tags are compulsory. If those are missing, or incomplete, the work will not be reblogged on the blog or included in the collection.

Are you in doubt about a tag? No one has ever been called out for being too careful. You can always shoot us a DM on Discord, or open a discussion on our server - hiding the bit in question and warning the other participants about it.

NSFW: while it’s perfectly fine to create NSFW stuff, Tumblr’s policies have made it increasingly difficult for it to stay up and circulate. Please, do take the necessary precautions and label it correctly. When it comes to our server, we have a dedicated channel you can use to share that material.

RPF: nope. This is a Crowley event, which means we focus on the characters.

Fics must be at least 2K long.

No AI creations allowed. The whole point of this Bang is connecting with other human creators, and celebrate the love of fandom through original creations.

Again... don't be a douchebag. When in doubt, the mods will be happy to help - compatibly with the timezones and those pesky real life committments.

We hope to see you all at the crossroads for signing away your souls. In the meantime, don't forget to misbehave and raise a little Hell.

[onerandomtrope]

WELCOME TO ONE RANDOM TROPE!

One Random Trope is a writing challenge based on randomly generated tropes from TV Tropes and however you, the writer, decide to interpret each prompt is entirely up to you. You can take some liberties, or you can go ahead and write exactly what the prompt says. As long as whatever you write has something to do with the prompt, it's fair game. What matters the most is having fun and getting some fics written.

After you're done writing your fic, you can tag your work with #ort2024 and/or #ortwriting so we can find it and share it on our blog.

RULES:

1) Don't be a disrespectful dick. Live and let live.

2) Fics must be at least 100 words to be considered part of the challenge.

3) All sorts of content are allowed, but you must be +18 to post NSFW.

4) AI generated fics are not allowed.

5) Have fun!

And that's that. If you still have any questions about what this challenge is about, feel free to message us. In the meantime, check our AO3 collection.

[steddiebang]

Updates on Schedule

Hello everyone!

We’re approaching the end of the sign-up period for authors. Remember, sign-ups close for authors TODAY, March 1.

In light of the strong response we’ve had (thank you so much!!) there are some updates we need to do to our schedule. We created the schedule before sign-ups opened - we didn’t expect to come out of them with so many people involved, and some adjustment needs to be made to make things easier for everyone. 

Please see below for the following changes:

The Author Claims submissions dates have been adjusted slightly. The form to submit will now open on May 29 and close on June 5. This means that your 50% draft deadline and fic information for claims is now 11:59PM CST on June 5. 

Artist claims previews have been extended. They will now be sent out on June 1 to allow artists more time to review fics. We do ask artists to remember that authors will be allowed to submit and edit entries until June 5, so checking back on claims is encouraged. We are not allowing any changes/additions after June 5 (excepting pre-requested extensions). 

This is a reminder that we are only allowing one project per author for the bang. With the number of authors signed up, we can’t allow more than that for this round.

After looking over responses from betas, we have decided to add a round of beta claims to the bang. These will take place on July 8 - 9. We will send out more details about the process closer to the date, but authors should know they will be able to opt in/opt out for beta claims on their form submitting for artist claims (as we will use the same fic information for both claims). 

We have added a mandatory artist pre-claim check-in May 27 - 28. This is to help us get a headcount of artists for claims and offer a consolidated place for artists to ask questions about claims.

We will be extending the posting period. Right now trying to squeeze everyone into October would be, frankly, insane. While we won’t release an official extension deadline until after claims (as we will have a much firmer idea of the actual numbers we’ll have heading into posting) we expect to extend to November or December. That said, the completion deadline has not changed. Projects should still be nearly completed or completed by October. 

We’re hoping to set up fic preview posts to display on the blog in September/October to drum up interest as we head into posting season. We’ll let you know more about what that would entail as we get closer to the final deadline.

in the meantime, keep working on your projects! Artists, your sign-ups are still open until June - if you have friends or fellow fans who might be interested in signing up, don’t hesitate to encourage them! We are also still accepting sign-ups for beta readers and pinch hitters all the way to the end of the bang! 

The first author check-in will be in April. We will be sending out information about what that will look like to all our participating authors. Please keep an eye out for that in your inbox. 

And once again - thank you all so much for your interest and enthusiasm! Mods were not expecting this kind of turn-out, but we’re so pleased by it!!

[did-i-do-this-write]

Experiment FAQ

What is the Experiment?

Originally, I designed this experiment to help myself out when I was having a hard time getting writing done just after getting a new job.  My lack of energy and feeling like I had no one to share my progress with started to get me down. 

So I came up with an idea: for every ask I received here on my writing blog, I would write at least 100 words before I answered it!  This method worked wonders for me because it gave me a caveat: if I wanted to interact with the community, I had to get some writing done.  It has since grown, and now over 30 other writeblrs are participating!

How Do I Participate?

It’s as simple as deciding that you want to start using this method, too!  I encourage you to let me know so I can add you to the participants list (linked below) and send a ‘checking in’ ask every once in a while, but that is not a requirement!

You can let me know via DM, reply, reblog, or through an ask! If you send me an ask, I will add you as soon as I get it, but I won't publicly answer until after I've written my 100 words XD

What are the Rules?

You get an ask, you write a hundred words, you answer it.  That’s it!  You can decide if you want to keep track of your progress, or answer the asks normally with no indication that you’re even participating.

Some have taken the idea and made it their own.  For instance, @sleepyowlwrites designates some time when the experiment applies, but otherwise is not always using this method.  @antique-symbolism asks that, if you want your ask to apply, you write “100” before or after, so they know!  And @himbos-hotline switched it from 100 words per ask to 15 minute sprints per ask!  All variations are valid and welcome, that’s why it’s called an “experiment,” it’s about finding what works for you!

What Should I Keep Track of and How?

It’s up to you!  I personally add which WIP I worked on, how many words I wrote for that ask, and how much I’ve written for the experiment as a whole.  I write it at the end of every ask after a divider image. It’s motivating for me to see the number slowly tick up at the end of every ask, but it’s a lot to keep track of!  Some only keep track of total, some only list how many the ask generated, and some don’t keep track at all!

If you're looking to use a tag on your blog to keep track of everything, you can use the collective tag "#the great motivation experiment" or you can make up your own!

What if I Don’t Think This Method Will Work for Me?

That’s totally understandable!  For some, this sort of thing can be overwhelming and the opposite of motivational. 

If you're curious but uncertain, you can always test it out and decide what to do based on your personal results. If it works, great! If not, you can message me privately and let me know you want to drop out. No sweat! I don't mind adding/subtracting your name to the list as many times as you'd like!

If you’re not interested in participating, but still want to be part of the community, you can always check out the participants list and send asks to motivate your fellow writers!  Everyone on it has signed up and agreed to be tagged!

What if Your FAQ Didn’t Answer My Question?

No worries.  I tried to cover the basics, but I am only human after all.  If you still have questions you can always drop into my inbox!  I’ll happily answer your question as soon as I add 100 words to my own word count :D in the meantime, here are some links that might help.

Helpful Links

#The Great Motivation Experiment

Original Post

Participants List

Ask Games (to get you started!)

Whether you decide to join us or not, I hope you’re able to reach all your writing goals!

Happy writing!

[waiting4inspiration]

Announcement!! Changes are afoot! Please read!

Good day, everyone, wherever you are in the world. I hope that life is treating you decent enough. If not, then know that I am sending good karma your way and positive vibes so that you can live your life to everything amazing it can be.

If you are reading this, it means that you have stuck around for a long time or you are new to my blog. In either case, thank you so much and welcome (back).

I have decided on a few things that I am going to change from this day on.

I am going to basically start from scratch.

No, this does not mean that I will be deleting this blog because there are way too many works on here to just get rid of and I do not have the heart to do that.

No, it does not mean that I will be starting a new blog because I do not have the time for that.

Waiting4Inspiration is here to stay!

What I will be doing is the following:

Any and all on-going WIPs will be scratched and deleted from the blog. I have checked and all the WIPs are only 2 parts posted so far so it's not a big loss. I won't be abandoning them at all though, but I will be taking a look at them in the future and seeing about re-writing them.

I am planning a new series that will be my main focus for some time. What I am planning for this 'new start' is to basically go back to what I was doing when I started this blog. Granted that things now are a lot different than what they were then (for example, I have a full time job now and planning on studying next year), but I have some plans considering those factors.

I am going to be focusing on one series at a time, writing it until completion, and then only posting it. This will ensure that I do not lose the plot of the story (as this has happened before) and I can plan posting and updating better than if I don't have anything at all. This also makes me feel a little less stressed with not providing or updating or that I'm disappointing you guys.

In the meantime, while I am working on my first new series, I will be bringing back snippets as a way to still keep getting content out, but not feeling overwhelmed by long requests or stories. I will have to put a few rules in place for this, but if things go well, I can see that we are all going to have a good time.

All these changes will take place from September 2023, giving me time to sort out some loose ends and plan some things before then.

Well, that's it from me. Thank you so much for reading this long-ass post. And I appreciate everyone that has come this far with me and that understands everything that will be changing.

I hope you all have a great day/night further and that everything good happens to you in your life!

[gaasaku-fanfests]

Hi guys. 😉😋😎😍😘💕💓💗💖

Just a quick post to say the interest check poll is now closed. 😎

The month has been chosen:

The winner by about half a mile: SEPTEMBER.

So now that that’s been decided, I have to figure out where we go from here. In the past I’ve wanted to make each new event different - free-for-all versus Fic & Art Challenge, for example. I still want to. I know you guys have enjoyed what’s come before so if you have preferences, feel free to message me. All ideas will be considered.

But ultimately, we’ll just have to see where my brain goes. Hope y’all will stick around for that.💕

Anyway.

Here is the link to the post with the aforementioned information. If you’re interested in a reminder of where my head’s at with the future of both blogs. 

We have a a few months, but give me until late June to let you guys know what I’m doing - though there might be an announcement or two before then. In the meantime, SPREAD THE GAASAKU LOVE.💕💕

As promised:

@kimazuiiii . @oitanjerine . @babybinxxx . sabito-hasaku . @24primaveras . @fallen-in-dreams . @xeresmalfoy . @mangoissour . @bighugsbadtimes . @gaasaku-needsmorefanart . @mechina . @nsart . @longliveustherecklessandthebrave . @umbrasolaris . @missjewelsart . @deathblossom255 .

[If anyone on the list doesn’t want an @ for future announcements, let me know - obviously this'll just be for the one closer to September, not any time soon.]

So... be on the look-out. I’ll figure something out soon. In plenty of time to let everyone know.  Love you guys.💕💕

[psychelis-new]

Hi Lys~

Idk if you’ve answered this before but how did you get into divination? What started your journey? And do you have anyone around who’s into it as well? A friend or a mentor?

(feel free to ignore any of the Q’s if it’s too personal 🌱)

Hi :) I haven't answered this question yet and it's fine dw (but there may be a triggering mention -I'll signal that).

It happened by chance (or by fate, as I like to think). A few years ago, I joined tumblr with a blog about something unrelated (graphic edits, music... in particular something that I had not just much before got into -again by chance/fate), and somehow I ended up in the astrology and tarots communities. I have always kinda felt attracted by astrology and tarots, especially astrology tbh, but never got that deep into them. They just happened to be around me too and I occasionally used to read some astrology-related stuff by myself. Anyway, I joined a couple of games here and there just to check, and then I had a dream which totally made me think and realize I could do something more as well. I tried to learn more about tarots also on youtube and other sources but in the meantime I worked the most with my intuition and clairs (even if at that time I wasn't too aware it was them -always kinda used them unconsciously btw), trying to do something for others too and gaining experience/understanding what was going on. I made my own tarot deck and started to implement it in my practices (using it first with myself to see how and if it worked); then I created a bunch of small one-word cards and tried to work with them as well and I ended up channeling something very very touching (and funny LOL) for me from one of my Guides (which I think is... also my person, Idek), that connected also with the start of my journey into divination (that fated thing I mentioned in the beginning). (TW) I had another sign about this one pretty cold and foggy day in which I felt particularly down and like I had no way out (I had important depression periods and some kind of thoughts about me, let's say, in a certain moment of my life): first a little bird happily singing out of my window and then a song related to my feelings in that moment that was mentioned to be released soon kinda brought me back and avoided the worst (very likely) (/TW). I got back up and I kept giving as a way to help and possibly give hope the same way I got helped and given hope (probably did that a bit too much though as my boundaries weren't good), and got a burnout, after which I had a breakdown (or huge tower moment, if you want) because of too many tough things happening in my personal life, and I just had to move away for a while to start my healing journey on my own. I kept practicing for myself just for comfort (my Guides were always sending me messages and never left me alone). After I started to feel better I decided (I needed, actually) to come back as psychelis, with a lot of thick walls that I had builded up from all that I have been through, but still I wanted to be of help to you. By chance I realized I had developed more clairs than before but controlling them was still hard. Then yeah the bug happened and moved onto this blog, where I am still trying to learn, heal and help you. And trying to let down my walls so to probably help you better, Idk. I don't have friends or mentors into tarots or astrology tbh, I am alone in this (except for my Guides which basically taught me most of what I know now through meditation and constant talking). Not sure if I will meet someone in the future, but I hope so.

That's it ig... Have a good day!

[roleplay-abiogenesis2]

Blog Update / Muse Retirement

//Hate that it's got to this point. Going to be a bit of a downer here so, read at your own discretion.

There is little to say really. Like many people here, I use RP as a form of escapism to my own stress and life. It makes me genuinely happy to get into character and forget about problems for a while.

These past weeks I have been in dire need of RP more than I had in a very long time. An awful timing really, to hit a slump in interactions.

I did my homework, I tried to network. I reached out. A few became welcome and beautiful mutuals, but many, many many others unfortunately did not. At my age, I tell myself I can handle rejection well, but that is only true to a certain degree. Even if I don't let these feelings impact my routine and real life, they are there nonetheless. And I don't want them to be.

After doing research on how to help with the situation, I have reached the conclusion that I have been in denial just how much my choice to make a multimuse blog has come back to bite me in the ass. Things like anonymous RP confessions say it like it is: multimuse blogs are stigmatized and often passed on without a chance given.

We are considered to be unorganized, lack commitment, and not provide the muses we put in our roster we asked. Personally, I thought multimuse was an excellent idea. I thought that making single blogs muses for such niche fandoms would lead to no activity, since my pool of potential partners would be smaller. I thought a multimuse would equal to fish with a net rather than a rod.

I was wrong, haha.

I can be super organized and tag every post with its fandom; I can provide all the tools for my followers to blacklist fandoms they are not interested in; I can commit to respond to any muse in my roster one may ask for. All this hard work won't amount to anything to those who just look at a number and decide I do none of those things without actually giving me a chance to prove them wrong.

So what is it that I can do? Create single muse blogs. The idea of having to log out and log in from tumblr for each individual muse to check notifications, reblog memes and post replies seems like even more work than what I already am doing, but if it is what gets mutuals, then so be it.

I feel like I have lost a fight here, but RP is a hobby, my favorite hobby, and it shouldn't be making me miserable.

So what is the TLDR? Do not panic. This blog isn't going anywhere anytime soon. But I will be slowly retiring muses that haven't gotten any engagement in months. Those I care to keep will get their own blog, and when those are set up and running, I will update you and provide links for anyone interested.

We are talking about an endeavor that will take months, so do not throw me away as a mutual just yet. This blog will stay up and running until everything else is set up properly. I have over 1500 posts to scan through and decide whether to transfer or not (I hate to leave my own writing behind, I like to go back and reread these threads for my own enjoyment).

In the meantime, I hope to still RP with everyone here. If you want to make sure I update you regarding a specific muse getting their own blog, DM me and I'll write a memo to do so. Just know that it is a long term project.

Thanks to all of my new mutuals and the old ones who have stuck around. You guys are keeping me sane everyday and trust me, this is less of an overstatement than it sounds.

Saru-mun\\

[duhragonball]

I wanted to give myself a couple of months away from writing before Nanowrimo starts up, and so I came up with some other stuff for me to do in the meantime. I read some comics and played a video game, and what could go wrong with that?

Well, as it turns out, the Golden Age run of Captain America sucks ass, and Mega Man X5 also sucks ass. So I'm starting to question my choices for leisure activities.

What also sucks is that I'm planning to tackle Mega Man X6 and X7 next, and those are supposed to be much, much worse. I mean, I wanted to check those out to see for myself just how terrible they are, since they're legendarily bad games. But X5 was supposed to be a so-so entry in the series, and yeesh.

I really think Mega Man X fans have a distorted view of the series, or they're just operating on a different level from me. X1 is widely regarded as a classic, and I've never been too fond of it. But there's a noticeable drop in quality in the sequels, and it's gotten me thinking back on X1 like maybe I didn't appreciate it enough. So maybe the truth is that X1 was always mid and MMX fans have just convinced themselves it's an awesome game because the sequels are so much worse by comparison.

Like, the general consensus seems to be that X1 is great, X4 is really good, and then X2, 3, 5, and 8 are okay, and then X6 and 7 are just a trainwreck. The exact order of the ranking may vary, but that's about how it goes. And I agree, except I find all of them overrated. When I play one of these things, I always find myself wishing I was playing one of the NES Mega Man games instead.

Anyway, none of that has much to do with this blog, except that it's part of the reason why I never got around to wrapping up the 2023 DB Apocrypha Liveblog. All I've got left to cover is the DBS manga adaptation of the Super Hero movie, except it's still ongoing. I was sure it would be wrapping up with Chapter 97, but no dice.

So I decided to wait and see, but honestly, I'm getting kind of fed up with waiting, so I may just go ahead work my way up to Chapter 98, regardless of whether the arc is finished. If it goes on into Chapter 99, then that's too bad. I don't want to have to fool with it in November.

So I guess I'd better start setting up for that, since Chapter 98 should only be a couple of weeks away. It'll give me something to take my mind off of the awful video games I'm subjecting myself to.

[viksalos]

eurghh i hate being personal on my personal blog. i posted all that shit this morning and now i feel legit hungover. got a headache and everything

at the same time it’s like. i had this strange worry that dropping these random insane facts about my life and experiences with religion whenever it’s relevant in conversation or to something i saw on here was like, not believable? maybe because i worry that people are perceiving me or keeping track of these things more than they probably are, or because i thought the facts would seem sort of contradictory (they aren’t in a factual sense, but they are in a religious sense) or because if i’m honest i only started remembering the childhood stuff maybe a few years ago, and in some ways remembering these things feels like i’m lying even to myself? like a lot of my childhood memories are just sort of, gone, or they need really specific stimuli for me to remember them. e.g. i didn’t remember that i’d been in a cult until for some reason i decided to play as a cult leader in my friend’s ttrpg setting, lol. but i *know* that stuff is true because i can ask my mom and sister and they were there. anyways

i struggle with ruminating on stuff a lot, and tend not to talk or post about it bc i hate the feeling of burdening others with my problems, but i have noticed that focused, guided thought on a topic (e.g. with psychedelics or, ugh, journaling) helps me with metacognition. abandoning thought patterns that are not helpful to me, finding solutions that will help me self-regulate, that sort of thing--not really gaining any *new* insight but just working with what i have. so i think from that i decided:

in some ways identity struggles can only be resolved through community

go check out the local reform synagogue when i graduate

in the meantime, see if hometown synagogue is still doing remote services

keep hanging out with my weird Jewish and metalhead and Sacred Harp and witchy friends. music and friendship and the rituals surrounding them do all offer me spiritual fulfillment, albeit in an unorganized and nontraditional way

don’t act weird at Perpetual Flame (will almost certainly fail this one but we’ll try)

[walker-extended-universe]

Do I?

My WIndy submission for Walkerverse Hiatus Creations

Week 2- Favorite Ship

If you've been following my blog at all since Walker: Independence aired, you should know that Hoyt/Lucia is my ride or die for this show. I love both of these darlings and I think they make an excellent pairing despite Hoyt's missteps in their relationship. In 1x07, it looked like Hoyt was going to be making an effort to be more stable and supportive of Lucia and her mother, and I hope that holds true for the rest of this season.

In the meantime, I've written a little drabble. It's sort of missing scene, sort of wishlist. Enjoy!

Title: Do I?

Summary: Following Francis Reyes' death, Hoyt has a question for Lucia.

“Will you marry me?”

Lucia froze, hands hovering over the sudsy water as her brain tried to process what her ears had just heard. It couldn’t be. Hoyt wasn’t that kind of man, as much as she might have wanted him to be. There was no way he’d just propose like that…. Would he? “I…. What?”

“I haven’t talked to your Mom yet because I wanted to talk it over with you first,” he said, walking over and resting his hands on her waist. He leaned in and rested his chin on her shoulder, his lips brushing her cheek as he continued. “I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn’t just asking you because of everything that happened. I mean, that’s all related to the timing of it but I really do want this. I want to marry you. I want to be your husband. I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you. I want you to know you can trust me to be here for you. I want to have kids with you and be the father I never had. I want this with you more than anything else in the world. So: will you marry me?”

“Hoyt…” Lucia wasn’t sure how to respond. She’d wanted to hear him ask her that for so long…. But was this really the way she wanted it to happen? Even if Hoyt said it wasn’t just because of the situation her family was in, she knew he would never have proposed otherwise. And as much as she might have wanted to hear it before, did she really want to accept it now?

Or did she even have a choice? She knew Papa left the land to her and her mother but it’s not like they could run the ranch alone. There were horses and cattle to care for, fences to mend, hands to pay, not to mention upkeep on the house. It was a job for more than two people, especially when they were grieving. Having someone like Hoyt around would be a big help, especially when it came to the business side of things.

And maybe she really did want this. For all of Hoyt’s flaws, she’d never loved anyone other than him. Calian was nice, as were many other ranch bos, but Hoyt had always had a way of making her feel alive, like she could do anything, like she didn’t just have to bend to her parents’ will. He had a fire in him, a wild spirit like a horse that not even her father could tame. That was what made him so special to her. But would it be right to tie him down like this? 

“I don’t need an answer right now,” he said gently. “I know there’s a lot going on. But I want to be here for you, to help you and your mama out. I just want you to know my help isn’t a temporary thing. I’m in this for the long haul, however you’ll have me.”

Lucia sighed and turned around in Hoyt’s arms, settling her hands on his shoulders. She needed to say something but she didn’t know how to put all her stampeding thoughts into coherent statements. “Hoyt… I… I don’t know. I want….” She sighed and laid her head against his chest.

“I know. I know.” Hoyt wrapped her in a hug, one hand coming up to stroke her hair. “Just think about it. And whatever your answer is, I’m not going anywhere.”

Lucia melted against him, taking the comfort while she still had the chance. There was so much to do still. There was a funeral to arrange. She needed to contact their family outside of Independence. She needed to settle payments for the ranch hands. She needed to check the ranch inventory. She needed to check on her mother. They needed to decide what to do with Papa’s things. But all those tasks, important as they were, seemed small and distant in Hoyt’s arms. If only she could stay there forever…..

[crispy-buddies-bakery]

(Hope you're enjoying the stray affogato story so far! I saw you didn't have any affogato stuff so I thought I'd have some fun and be the first and affogato is one of my favorite cookies so...just HAD to do him!)

Stray affogato owner here and....yes I do want to adopt him and I will and....they finally managed to check up ok him aaaand turns out they might have found the reason why he is so attached to a....weaker....owner rather than a strong, assertive one...

They found an old scar on his back....as if he had been thrown and winded up with a crack on their back that, luckily, wasn't fatal and has recovered, other than leaving a scar, but it probably was painful when they first got it...I think their last owner was....too assertive...so the people there are guessing either the affogato was abandoned or ran away....

And when the affogato entered my home...they are guessing it was doing a mixture of finding a nicer home and seeking shelter and....they didn't know why he decided to comfort me despite me being a stranger but when I handled them gently....gently setting them on the ground rather than pushing them off and thanking them and showing kiness instead of assertiveness probably made him realize I wasn't a threat...quite the opposite, infact...and cling to me...or atleast...that's their theory...but sending this to ask...what you think....sorry if this is a little ok the spot but curious...

(Hello! Yes it been quite fun I will admit, now I really see why people think this blog is like a rescue center irl)

Ah I see. . . As unfortunate as it is, it isn't uncommon for any adopters of buddies to be rather more abusive, while buddies have a lot of endurance, People tend to forget that they have more crispy bodies as you can say, however, that is still no excuse of course for harshly treating a life.

We do have a record of someone adopting a affogato here so we shall also take some responsibility and we will make sure to bring whoever did this to justice, in the meantime we do apologize to the affogato for not doing a background check on his previous adopter, in the meantime, we hope that you and him will have a wonderful life together.

[project-root]

God...

This place is dustier than my bedroom likely is. Granted, I haven't seen my previous bedroom in almost a year, so that's just kind of a guess.

Greetings, to anybody who sees this post. Whether you are one of the many people that may or may not decide to read my rare posting in multiple servers including my own, and also to the singular person that appears to still follow this blog. Hopefully you and anyone else who might follow this soon will not have had their time wasted.

Read more

AUHAHAHAHAHA I will only know if that actually worked when I check this after posting.

I... Am bit shitty when it comes to showing my content for projects. A lot of it's usually because peopleing is not easy, especially when I've developed a mild distrust in others that I haven't had long enough of a connection to to solidly believe they're a... "person"? It's a little hard to explain, and I don't want to explain it here.

I have a lot of ideas.

I've compiled two, maybe three years worth of notes in my own personal archive server. And throughout most of it, I've spent time coming up with designs, changing those designs in subtle, drastic, or ultimately just keeping the same design but giving it a fun fact that is ultimately meaningless in the long run

But I really don't have a lot as far as writing.

No, I don't mean I haven't written anything for this, in terms of story- just that uh, in all the things I've written, I'm not really satisfied with any of them. Some of them were set before I knew what I was truly trying to do, and currently I struggle as much just to tailor a pleasing beginning, or even work within my own parameters I set up to make my job a little free-er.

But in the long run, the story is something that exists in fragmented pieces in my head, and trying to translate that (including the fact that it's fragmented) onto a document- again, where do I even begin?

Like, I'm basically just stuck in the premise of-

> child has been running around and scavenging through abandoned areas of old towns and shit, killing strange demented wildlife whenever they don't find some conveniently stored food

> child happens to find the remains of a camp, which would become important later in a very roundabout way

> something something they start running away because their past is actively hunting them, only for them to run into something equally as terrifying

And I have the most Vegas of transitioning for the next portion after that, but-

I've yet to find a satisfying way to put that into a longer story, preferably more then 5 pages.

But in the meantime, I've drawn, made notes, asked people who listen for ideas, and I've even attempted to make music! Kind of shitty, crude even. But music!

And I hope to build some kind of full soundtrack, among other things, whether or not the people I've enlisted to help me with this whole thing are there too. Because honestly, I love the contributions people have made, but I also recognize that if there's no one else to rely on, you got to start taking things into your own hands, and uh, ahem, "JUST- DO- IT!!"

Or something like that.

And anybody who has seen this project from start to finish, relevancy to irrelevancy, shitpost to slightly serious shitpost-

Thank you.

You all hold a special place in the detective style mystery board of photos and other assorted things interconnected that is my mind, and in further, my metaphorically pin filled heart.

A lot of this project is for me, but it's also indirectly for a lot of you, whether it's to express the care I have (in some strangely displayed manners), or just to tell a very convoluted, perhaps endless story everyone can enjoy. If you know the truth to it, then you know.

I can't promise it'll be anytime soon, but I'm probably going to keep at this project until the day I physically can't keep it in my mind. Ever. And that implies that I won't be able to keep the memories of others alive too, and I will *always* do that.

People might have come and gone, but the memories will be there,

Forevermore.

See you folks when I remember to post another thing, hopefully this is a reasonable enough "where have I been" type thing.

- Edmund Endless

[hummingbird-games]

Dev Blog #27

Well guys. 

We’ve reached the “little over a month until game release” threshold. 

The calm with which I write this devlog is a straight up façade. 

I’ve actually been putting up writing and posting one because as I’ve mentioned before, these things serve as part updates for y’all and part journal entries for me to read later. But lately I didn’t have anything noteworthy (brain fog, work woes, health tingz, you know the drill) or anything that wasn’t a serious spoiler. And then we got new followers (HI NEW PEEPS!!) and the blog was livelier and it was just easier putting my energy towards that lol.

But now I do have some updates, so here we go! 

Core Reviews played and reviewed us! Please check it out, show it some love and share the post! (And I’ll add it to the pinned messages sometime soon).

Beta testing is done. Officially. That’s right, I didn’t combust or die 😤✌🏽 (I did however learn a LOT and I’m grateful to every single person who took time to help me continue polishing up the game in time for October.) There are still plenty of things for me to do between now and release *cue tantrum* but if I continue to tell myself that it’s for the best, maybe I’ll start to believe it...

I made a TikTok. It’s really just another personal platform masquerading as a public space soooo I’m curious as to what kind of content I’ll post (this kills two birds with one stone: learning how to use TikTok and marketing the game ahaha)

Those epilogues I mentioned way back when?? They finished, baby. Now I can share what I’m thinking! Originally I drafted up this extra content as epilogues for the main game, just something short and sweet and super fun. But then months went by, and April and Lydia specifically were giving me the most issues with their routes, so I went back and forth with whether to release epilogues. And then I managed to buckle down and fight and win! So I’m editing them now. 

What does this mean for y’all? I still think I’ll be pushing it to have these edited, coded, tested and ready by game release. (It’s only 10k additional words total sooooo it’s doable but I worry these days about pushing myself.) Plan B???

Remember when I said I was gonna enter Yuri Jam? Well. I am considering releasing April, Florence, and Lydia’s epilogues as ‘bonus content’ aka a mini game for the Jam, and then releasing the boys’ + Billie’s bonus content after the jam ends. Technically I’m entered in the jam, but I never decided on what to work on, and hey, this is totally something that could work for a jam space??? I’d check a personal goal off the list and you guys would have something extra to look forward to as the year winds down. 

I’ve other got things to tie us over between now and October 18, but in in the meantime, check out the pinned post! There’s art and MC x LI drabbles, character boards (that are 90% accurate to the current status of the game LOL) a quiz, and a survey for the demo (which many of you have completed, thank you!)

Okie doke, bye y’all! 

- Gemini