#still had these from a few months ago so. here you go xoxo

[ruvviks]

SLIME RANCHER 2 ➤ the rainbow fields

[twola]

Sorta got carried away with the prompt list…(I must be ovulating because DAMN the pregnancy prompts got me going)

But #161, 154,151,140,125- where the reader is preggo and miserable walking around camp so the gangs giving out ideas (sexy time) and Arthur’s like ;) then later on the reader is like ya know what get over here.

Do with it what you will.

You do the best with anything you type!

Xoxo

Oh - trust me, I am into this.

I'm also eight months pregnant myself so I am SUPER into this. Am I projecting something here? Perhaps…

Pain Relief

Arthur Morgan x F!Reader Smut (18+), MDNI, Pregnancy Sex, Breeding Kink

➵ Fic Masterlist ➵ AO3 Link

You are very over it at this point. Really. Very over it. It’s a struggle to get yourself out of the cot that you and Arthur share. 

The morning sun beats down on the worn canvas of your shared tent, and you know it's by some divine providence that Miss Grimshaw hasn’t summoned you to work yet. Or maybe it was Arthur snapping at her when he saw you struggling to carry a basket of laundry.

That must be it.

But a laze you are not - even now, when your swollen stomach makes any kind of movement difficult - when your sleep is nearly non-existent and the pains and swelling and overall discomfort are driving you crazy.

Pushing yourself up, you huff, annoyed that seven months ago you were chasing down bounty hunters on horseback and now getting up out of a cot makes you lose your breath. 

God, this was terrible. Finally getting around to standing up, you glance at yourself in the small mirror Arthur uses for shaving. Your chemise stretched taught over the swell of your belly. The dark circles under your eyes from lack of quality sleep. Sighing, you run your fingers through your long hair to tame it, or at least attempt to. After fighting with the fabric of your dress to cover your frame, you shove your feet into your boots and breathe out heavily as you sit back on the cot to tie the laces. God damn everything is a struggle with how swollen your belly is.

By the time you make it out of the tent, the midmorning sun beats down, and you shield your eyes for a moment before you feel a small tug on your skirts. You look down to see Jack give you a toothy grin, one small hand fisting the cotton of your skirt and the other clutching the most recent toy Charles had carved for him.

“Auntie, you’re so big! You look ready to pop." Jack pipes up excitedly.

You laugh as you hear a cluck of disapproval as Abigail follows in her son’s footsteps, “Jack - that’s very rude of ya - shouldn’t make comments about ladies like that.”

“It’s alright, Abigail,” You smile at her as she frowns down at the boy, “I do feel ready to pop.”

“Y’look like the baby’s dropped… ain’t long now.” Abigail’s eyes trail down to your belly as she shoos Jack off to play elsewhere.

“Too long in my opinion.” You roll your eyes and Abigail chuckles in return.

“Ladies!”

Susan Grimshaw’s voice cuts through the peace of the morning. Abigail’s gaze looks past you to where the sharp disappointment came from, and you frown as you hear footsteps stomp ever closer before the camp matriarch pushes into your view.

“There’s laundry to be done,” Susan eyes you up and down, “You can certainly sit and still do the washing. C’mon, get to it.”

She waves her hands at you dismissively, Abigail rolls her eyes and starts to head over toward where the other women have started doing the day’s wash.

You scowl at Grimshaw’s retreating figure, rubbing your aching lower back as you too make your way over to the edge of the camp, where the large tub is filled with soapy water and the pile of men’s shirts seems to be overflowing. You sigh tiredly, finding the stool 

Mary-Beth places her hand on your back slightly over your own, massaging gently as you sigh in a moment of temporary relief. 

"Try walking, I hear it helps. Tilly and I will cover for you for a few minutes.”

You thank her quietly and slowly make your way to the woodline of camp, taking a few minutes to walk back and forth before giving up and sitting down on the stool, letting out a long, labored breath as you wince in pain.

“Y’know….”

You open one of your eyes to see Karen across the tub, a mischievous look on her face. Cocking your eyebrow, you wait for her to continue.

Karen smirks, "You should try having sex."

Well - volume was never her strong suit. Across the camp, the men’s conversation falls silent as several pairs of eyes glance at you.

You flush from your hairline to your chest as you dunk a shirt into the tub, trying to ignore the stares you know you're getting as Karen merely chuckles.

“Aye, Arthur- sounds like you're needed elsewhere.” Javier chuckles and you're mortified.

You spare the quickest glance up in his direction, the man who got you into this mess in the first place. You can see Arthur’s smug grin from under the rim of his hat.

-

You silently scrub at the rest of the laundry load, handing shirts to Tilly for her to wring out and hang on the line.

“Don’t let her get to you, you know how Karen is. Tilly places a hand on your shoulder and squeezes gently to assure you before returning to the laundry. You sigh, taking another shirt and dunking it into the water.

A pair of boots land in your vision before a hand reaches down toward you. You look up to see Arthur ready to pull you up to stand, a gentle smile on his face.

“C’mon now sweetheart.” 

You sigh and take his hand, secretly grateful for the assistance to stand up. He steadies you before pulling your hand to his lips and pressing them to your knuckles.

“How’s about you lay down for a little.” He offers, holding his arm out to you as you wind your own around it, letting him walk you slowly to the tent, holding back the canvas for you to step inside. 

You let out a long breath, bracing your lower back with both hands for a moment before sighing. There was just no getting comfortable at this point.

“C’mere, let me help you.”

Arthur stoops down on one knee and loosens your bootlaces enough that he can pull them from your feet one by one. You let a breath out once both boots are off, unable to deny it felt good to get your swollen feet out of them.

“Better?” He looks up at you for a moment and you nod, your hand moving from his shoulder that you were balancing on to your lower back again, idly rubbing at near-constant ache that has settled there. 

Arthur stands up and places a kiss to your forehead before turning around and taking his hat off, placing it on the small table where he kept his shaving kit.

Karen’s suggestion echoes in your mind as you watch him run his fingers through his short hair absentmindedly.

You roll your palm over your distended abdomen, frowning.

“You don’t have to lie and tell me you want me.” Your voice cuts through the silence and Arthur swings around to look at you, puzzled.

“Darlin’, it ain’t a lie. It’s never a lie.” He responds softly, taking a step closer to you.

“Really? Lookin’ like this… it does something for you?”

Arthur blushes before looking down at his boots. “Well, I… uh... Yes?”

You quirk your eyebrow, placing your hands on your hips, “I’m a goddamn watermelon-”

“You’re pregnant-”

“Literally swollen up like a damn cow-”

“C’mon now darlin’-”

And damn, if you can’t hold back the tears from collecting on your eyelashes as you spin away from him.

His broad arms wrap around your swollen waist, pulling you back half a step and against his large frame. One hand spreads wide over your belly as you feel him press his lips to the top of your head.

“I… ain’t the woman you was chasin’ after anymore.” You admit with a cracking voice, the tears spilling down your cheeks as your hand falls upon his over your belly, “Who knows when I’ll be able to ride or shoot or do anythin’ like that again.”

His lips move from the top of your head down to your earlobe, where he nips gently. Arthur’s low voice rumbles in your ear, causing a delightful shiver down your spine.

“Whole world knows you’re mine -” He pulls you another half backward and you gasp as you feel the long, hard line of him against your rear, “Christ, you’re the most beautiful thing alive, all big with my child.”

“A-Arthur - ” You whine as one of his hands cups a swollen breast through your blouse.

“Have half a mind to keep you like this.” Arthur continues, his other hand moving downward to slide between your legs and the needy sound that escapes your throat is loud enough to make him shush you as he presses at your core through layers of cotton.

Your hands fly to grasp his forearm as he gently gropes at your breast, and you turn your head up toward his and he greedily pushes his lips upon your own, tongue pressing inside your mouth as you moan into his.

You have no idea how long it is you spend wrapped up in his arms - your hips pressing back into his, his hands groping at your breasts and cunt, your knees shaking as you pant into his mouth. 

Those damned hands of this, they keep you under his spell as somehow, he unlaces your skirts and they fall to the ground in a heap around your ankles. He spins you around in his embrace, and his lips fly to your neck as he opens the buttons of your blouse. You let him pull the sleeves down your arm, leaving you in just an old cotton chemise stretched tight over your belly. The seam of your bloomers, soaked, chafes delightfully against your cunt.

It’s only another moment before he’s shrugging your chemise down over your shoulders to free your breasts.

“What’s gonna be the best for you?” Arthur whispers into your ear, his warm, somewhat rough palm engulfing your breast, squeezing it gently.

Your head tips backward as you lean against him, a high and flighty moan bubbling up from your chest. “On- on my side-”

Your chemise flutters to the floor, along with your bloomers, his hands pushing the cotton down of your body.

“Go on, get in the cot and get comfortable.” Arthur nips at your ear again and gives a playful swat to your rear.

You nod, eyes falling from his face to his hands as he pulls his suspenders down his arms and begins unbuttoning his work shirt. You back up two steps to the cot, slowly sitting down upon it, your gaze refusing to leave him as he strips himself down.

With the speed of a man on a mission, he rids himself of his boots and the rest of his clothing and stalks the few steps to the cot.  You turn yourself over to lay in it, burdened by your stomach as you let out a long breath as you finally settle down on your side, facing the wagon that makes up the side of the tent.

Arthur slides into the small cot next to you, that warm, big hand finding its way to your belly as he situates himself behind you, pressing all six feet of his frame against you, his body hard, hot, and wanting.

“You tell me what feels good, darlin’.” He mouths against your neck as his hand retracts behind your hip to stroke his cock.

You moan lowly and press your hips back against him, you can feel his smile on your skin as he guides himself to your entrance. The blunt head of his cock presses into the rim of your cunt, and his hand moves to sling your thigh back over his, opening you to him more.

“Mm, that feels good.” Your voice strains as he slides himself deeper into you, a deep, satisfied rumble coming from his chest when his hips press fully against your rear, fully sheathed in your cunt.

His arm swings across your hips, pulling your thigh backward even more as he languidly rolls himself into you. His fingers find that small bundle of nerves as he nibbles on your earlobe.

You mewl aloud at the stimulation, panting as he continues to press himself into you. His low, rough voice whispers in your ear, vacillating from sweet nothings to filthy utterances. The slide of his cock into your cunt is the constant, grounding thing as his fingers that rub at your clit speed up and slow down.

“A-Arthur-” you pitifully whine, gasping as you huddle toward that precipice. He grunts into your ear as he slightly picks up the speed of his hips rolling into yours, still gentle. He pinches at that nub and you’re gone, your legs shaking and hips seizing as you meek through your release, your slick glossing his cock and dripping from your body, even with him filling you.

“Tha’s my girl…” Arthur slurs as his hand moves up to cup at your lower belly, “Christ, I ain't ever gonna be able to stop fillin’ you-”

His murmurs fade into a groan as he presses forward one final time, burying himself deeply in your warmth as he shudders his release into you.

You sigh in contentment at the feeling, warmth blooming from your joined hips. His lips touch the back of your neck as his large hand rubs gently at your hip as he catches his breath.

Arthur gently pulls out, you gasp slightly at the feelings of the loss of his flesh and the dripping of his warm spend from your body. He shushes you with a kiss over your jaw, rubbing circles over your swollen belly.

“Feelin’ any better?”

Your hand covers his over your belly as you lean back fully into his embrace.

“Much better.”

[juneberrie]

LOVE IS LIKE THE LOTTERY [ 🐍 ] DEUCE GORGON

summary ∿ deuce gets jealous when a guy tries to hit on you [ gn ! reader ]

after cleo and deuce broke up, monster high was desperately in need of a new it couple. and, a few months later, they found one: deuce and you.

deuce had always been popular, or whatever the equivalent was in monster high. by association, you became popular too. and, because you became popular, that meant you got lots of attention.

it wasn't a bad kind of attention; everyone at monster high (with the exception of a few ghouls here and there) was incredibly nice. but a few weeks ago, there was a new student joining. he was some cousin of torelai's and instantly became famous among the student body, particularly the ghouls, for his swoopy shiny hair and lilting voice. and his eyes. girls would swoon if he so much as gave them a cursory glance. but it was you he liked eyeing, and deuce didn't like that one bit.

walking through the maul hand in hand, deuce says, "wanna grab a drink 'fore we leave?"

you nod and the two of you make your way towards the coffin bean. deuce presses a kiss to your forehead, his snakes peppering little reptile kisses to your hairline. "go sit," he smiles. "i got your order, babe."

you thank your loving boyfriend and find a table for two. settling down in your chair, you watch deuce talking to the barista. your phone buzzes and you open it up to see a text from clawdeen.

clawdeen ♡ hows your date w/ deuce going????

y/n ✶ great <3 we're at the coffin bean rn

clawdeen ♡ oooo update me later bae

clawdeen ♡ kiss kiss love you !!

y/n ✶ love u 2 xoxo

hearing the chair scrape the tiled floor in front of you, you look up with a smile expecting to see your boyfriend.

its not. its torelai's cousin. he smirks lazily at you, one arm slung across the back of his chair.

"hey."

"uh.... hi? my boyfriend's actually gonna sit the—"

he waves you off, flashing another grin. "he won't mind, would he?"

"actually, i do mind, purrcy." deuce stands behind torelai's cousin, holding a steaming cup of coffee and a paper bag. "get outta my chair." the snakes on his head hiss at the werecat.

purrcy laughs, a hissy kind of giggle that makes every hair on you stand up. "can't i talk to one of my fellow classmates?" the way he said it made it clear he didn't think of you as a classmate. more as a . . . thing he wanted.

"yeah, well they don't wanna talk to you, dude," deuce snaps. his snakes start getting restless, a few even snapping in purrcy's general direction.

purrcy's head swivels towards you, still with that lazy grin. "well?"

"well what?" you ask. deuce had moved to stand next to you, putting the coffee down and gently placing a protective hand on your shoulder. it was comforting.

"do y'wanna talk to me, baby?"

deuce's fingers twitched on your shoulder. his snakes snapped at the air.

"no."

"see? go hack up a furball," deuce scowls.

purrcy's face darkens and he hisses, "asshole," as he pushes away from the table and stalks off. deuce lets go of your shoulder and moves his chair next to you.

"are you okay?" he asks, opening the brown paper bag and pulling out a pastry. he hands it to you, eyes worried through the lenses of his glasses.

"'m fine, deuce. thank you," you smile, accepting the pastry. laying your head on your boyfriend's shoulder, you take a bite of the delicious treat. he wraps an arm around you, taking a sip of his drink. he's quiet for a few minutes. you sigh and put down your half-eaten pastry.

"deuce. baby." you grab his face and gently turn it towards you. "i don't like him."

"i know," he says, sounding a bit defensive. he looks at you for a few seconds before slumping in his chair and pulling you closer towards him. "i just—" he sighs. "he's such a douche," he concedes.

"i know. but guess what?" you smile. his eyebrows furrow and one of his snakes cocks its head at you, curiously. "love is like the lottery, right? and i have you, so that means—" you press a kiss to the space between his eyes. "—i've won the lottery."

[jareaul0ver]

could u write jj comforting r after r having a panic attack?

Breathe

Summary: You call JJ in the middle of the night, needing her more than ever.

wc: 592 warnings: panick attacks, jj helping you calm down from it, pure fluff afterwards pairings: jennifer jareau x gn!reader (reader's gender is not mentioned)

Your shaky hands found JJ's number in the late hours of the night. JJ always told you to call her if you needed anything, she was your girlfriend after all, and the two of you lived separately. She always said if you needed her she'd be there in a heartbeat, you just prayed she'd get to your place as fast as possible.

You clicked the call button and it only rang once before she picked up. "Honey? It's late, is everything okay?"

Your lip trembled and you spoke in between breaths, "I- I need you Jayje, please."

That was all it took before you heard shuffling, then a moment later the sound of keys jingling and a door closing. "I'm coming."

It felt like the longest fifteen minutes of your life. You were laying in bed, your hand covering your chest, trying to soothe the pains you felt from breathing.

You heard your front door opening and quickly shutting. JJ had a key, you had given it to her a couple of months ago, after an incident at work had her worried sick about you. It really came in handy tonight.

She rushed into your bedroom and over to you on the bed. "I'm here, honey, I'm here." She sat down and quickly pulled you up into her. She heard your short breaths and her heart nearly broke. She hated seeing you in so much pain.

"Look at me." She said softly. You met her eyes and she immediately wiped tears off of your face. You were so focused on the tightening in your chest that you didn't realize you had started crying. "I've got you, okay? It's gonna be okay."

You nodded absentmindedly. You shut your eyes tight. "It hurts," you said hoarsely.

"I know baby, I know." She cupped your face. "Keep your eyes on me, okay?" You opened your eyes and locked them onto hers. "Good. Breathe with me, in through your nose, out through your mouth." She breathed in slowly, and out slowly, watching to make sure you were copying her actions.

You did. After a while of this you, your chest still felt tight, but you were starting to pull yourself together. You finally felt JJ's touch on your face, and you leaned your head into it. She leaned forward and pressed her lips gently against your forehead, the kiss lingering for a moment before she pulled back to look at you.

You blinked a few times before looking down at your lap. You swallowed before you spoke. "It's late, I'm sorry."

She immediately shook her head and tilted yours up by a finger on your chin. "Don't say you're sorry. I promised you I'd always be here if you needed me, and I meant it."

The gaze you two held was delicate. She looked down and put her hand over yours which still hovered above where your heart was. You stared at her for a moment. "Thank you."

All JJ could do was wrap her arms tightly around you and press a small kiss to your lips. "Of course, honey."

The two of you laid down. You rested your head on her chest, the sound of her heartbeat in her ears calming you down further. Her one hand gently traced shapes on your back, while the other gripped you tightly, almost as if she was a bit afraid to let go.

You closed your eyes and fell asleep soon after. You just missed when JJ lowered her voice to a whisper and said, "I love you."

pretty short one, but i hope you enjoyed it anon! xoxo

[moodymisty]

Hello. I'd like to leave a request. So recently I was listening to "River" by Bishop Briggs so I thought, what if someone danced to this song for Crosshair? The idea is, reader is Batch's doctor and enjoying a few days on land she goes out with some friends to 79. The boys arrive later and they all sit together. It's happening live performances at 79, singers, dancers, but none can really rock the bar, you know? Reader's friends comment on her dancing skills, making Crosshair laugh and daring her to get up on stage and dance. Pissed with him, the reader accepts the challenge and during the performance comes to dance exclusively for him, teasing him. I would be the happiest girl if you could finish it with a smut. xoxo

Author's note: I find it so funny when people come into my asks with such specific prompts, I feel like I'm trying to make someone's daydream come true XD I hope you enjoy kind anon. I'm not a going out night type of person, but I hope I captured that fun confident energy this prompt has :3

Relationships: Crosshair/Fem!Reader

Warnings: NSFW, dancing, Mentions of alcohol, Sex in a bathroom, Slightly rough Sex, Unprotected Sex, Porn with just enough plot i can barely saw it's not pwp

Sometimes you wonder if there's a specific word for how you feel whenever you get back to Coruscant after a long while away.

Time feels like it passes so fast, but yet so, excruciatingly, slow.

It's been roughly two months since you've been back on solid Coruscanti ferrocrete, and it feels like you've been gone for two years. When you'd once joked about it, Hunter mentioned that it was how they'd all felt shortly after graduating from cadets and being send out into the field, so maybe it had something to do with light speed travel. Or something of the sort.

Either way, unimportant. There's drinks that need to be drank.

Some are just water while some are varying degrees of hard liquor, all spread across the table in a lazy, unorganized fashion.

You'd first told your friends about 79's after the Batch had invited you here for the first time, and you were eager to share. It's a nice place all and all, you enjoy the energy. Some of the other dive bars around the nearby districts, at least the ones that don't charge half a fortune for every sip, tend to attract not so friendly people.

79's is cheap, easy going, and the troopers are flirty- but keep their hands mostly to themselves.

Before you'd left Hunter had mentioned that they might be coming close behind to get a bit of a rare break as well, gods know they probably need it just as much as you do. So you've been glancing at the doors every now and again, looking for that brushed black armor for the past hour.

"Are they even still coming?"

You'd casually mentioned their potential coming a few minutes ago; And one of your friends, the one with a real penchant for bad boys and not the best decision making skills when five or more drinks deep, is very eager to meet them.

They know which one to avoid flirting up, anyways.

"They'll be here. They're usually pretty late anyways. If something came up, I'd be getting the same call as them." You are in their squad after all, so if they have to go out on a sudden mission, it would be extremely doubtful they'd even consider leaving without you.

But speaking of them...

Not minutes later you finally see them enter, easily spotted by their dark palette contrasting with the sea of white plastoid. They always stand out, and at least in this particular setting, they enjoy it readily. Quickly you all move to find a spot where you can all sit together, making sure to bring your drinks, both new and already half down, with.

Needless to say the Batch livens up the party significantly, which was a much needed boost given the slow state of the night so far.

For awhile the live music and show had largely been existing in the background; A good show, but nothing worth maintaining your entire attention. Especially since now that your favorite troopers are here, it's even less so important.

But now that it's currently between acts, it seems one of your friends has gotten herself a devious idea.

"Why don't you get up there and show them how it's done? Like at that one bar on-" You quickly shush her before she manages to regale a tale you don't exactly want retold in this state, rolling your eyes. But it seems the mention of a story has already caught particularly Crosshair's interest, and she quickly goes about spilling the memory once you no longer stop her.

"There was a open mic night at this one bar, and she killed it. Everyone thought she was a paid performer." Quickly she gestures to the stage, which is surrounded by tipsy, flushed faced clone troopers. They're awaiting the next performance, if there's even going to be one. Your friend speaks up again, pleading with you while Crosshair and the rest of the Batch look on curiously.

"Come on! It's open! Go up there!"

You're not exactly opposed to the idea, but you also don't feel like leaving the party behind so to speak. You're just about to shake your head and refuse again, when Crosshair speaks up at your side. He's been leaning back in the seat the whole time, one of his arms lazily against the back of the seat elbow close to your shoulder and forearm dangling down.

"Oh come on, gonna leave everyone guessing now that we know your little secret?"

Crosshair has his eyebrows raised, watching you. It's clearly bait as he sets it out like this all the time, but you're in the mood for taking a bite.

"Maybe I will. The mystery will make me seem even better than I am."

He rolls his eyes, and with a distinctly sarcastic flavor to his voice, responds.

"Whatever makes you feel better, Doll."

Now a little miffed despite you are the one who bit his fishhook, you scrunch your face and look at him, while he seems almost overwhelmingly smug. When you ask why, he responds with:

"Mystery?" A scoff. "Why don't you just say you're too scared?"

Well now he just wants a fight.

You don't know what comes over you at that point; Maybe it's the vibe, the drinks, something else or all of it combined, because it feels like a blink from being there under Crosshair's arm, to convincing the bouncer to let you at the mic.

Thankfully it doesn't require much, as it seem all the rehearsed performances were finished for the night, and now the mic was pretty much open to anyone willing and able to give it a shot.

Considering you that person, you take it into your hands and decide to give it 110, hoping to at least shut Crosshair's fat mouth.

The rest of it is all a blur; A series of sung words and perhaps some dancing that might not of been entirely appropriate, had the crowd not absolutely ate it up.

Whats the point in singing and not dancing anyhow? You think, hips shaking from side to side in a slow but perfect pace with the beat of the music. Once the first song finishes, you feel enough of a high that you decide to do another, and it doesn't seem anyone is going to complain at you for doing so. It's a bit of a slower one, so you can't exactly help the way your body sways unconsciously back and forth with the music.

Mid-song however you take a look upward and spot the Batch far in the back, Hunter, Wrecker and Tech turned at the waist an arm over the back of the seat to watch. Crosshair however as you eyes locked right on you while you sing-

And he is fucking furious.

At least it seems like he's fuming, it's sometimes hard to tell. Though it's pretty safe to say he's more affected by this little stunt, to say the least.

You don't go back to the booth once you finally manage to sneak off stage through demands for more, as by the time you enter the hall to go wash up in the bathroom quick, you find Crosshair is leaning by the wall waiting. When he spots you, his body rises off the way in a way that gives away how tense his body is, shoulders straight.

He must've come back here the moment you left the stage, intent to cut you off and steal a moment with you alone.

"You looked like you were having fun up there." His tone is tense, but you respond to it with your usual quips.

"I did. And did you like the show?"

Normally saying those sorts of things is how you try to disarm his attitude, but it only serves to make it worse this time, as you smile at him with the confident smirk of a job well done. You feel positively bubbly now after having that much fun, and seeing Crosshair stewing over what you assume is his failed dare.

The show had all been for him, so he better have enjoyed it. Not to say you didn't enjoy preforming. Maybe your friend didn't have such a bad idea after all; You wouldn't be so resistant to doing so again if the opportunity arose.

You take a few steps closer to Crosshair, anymore and you'd be brushing chests, seeing his pursed lips.

"What?"

You barely have a chance to say anything else before he grabs you shoulder and kisses you, his other hand reaching for the handle of the refresher door. It's empty, and so he pushes you in, locking it behind him near instantly. By the time he does his mouth is already back against your own, teeth brushing against your bottom lip.

There isn't much room to maneuver at all in here; It's so tight being really only meant for one person. As such in order to get a bit of breathing room you end up on the countertop, knees parted to let him in the moment you're able.

You'd originally come with a coat, but having long since shed it before going up on stage, Crosshair has unimpeded access to the soft skin of your neck.

"Cross!" You say when his hands grip your thighs tight, squeezing the soft flesh beneath his gloved palms.

"Everyone's gonna wonder where we are..." Your sentence fades off, feeling his lips on your skin and the coldness of the mirror on your back. The hem of your skirt has already gotten pushed up nearly to your hips from sitting in this position, and it only takes one tug from Crosshair to fully send it there and reveal your underwear.

"I don't care."

You didn't really expect him to, but his strained comment is still amusing none the less.

His lips roughly trap yours again in a kiss as he fumbles to remove the one piece of armor he needs to, throwing it aside with a loud thunk as it hits the ground. There's not a care in the galaxy for it right now, as all of his attention is on you.

You can't help the soft sigh that leaves your lips as you feel his hand brush over the heat of your cunt, as he tries to tear away your panties. When he realizes you have stockings on over them, he lets out something you can only describe as a growl in frustration.

"How many fuckin' things you got on under there?" You can't hold back the small giggle you let out.

"In a hurry?"

It'll be easier- and faster, if you kick off your heels, doing so before Crosshair loses his patience and just tears runs all the way through the razor thin fabric. The heat of his fingers is palpable through it, as he pulls your stockings and underwear in one bunch down to your hips. You have to rise up on your palms a bit to try and help, before they get yanked down enough that they dangle around one ankle.

Swearing that you can feel his nails make little dents in the skin of your ass even through his gloves, he grasps your hips tight and yanks you to the edge of the countertop and even a bit over, legs dangling precariously before they wrap around his hips. In that moment you can feel his hips grind against your almost of their own accord, and the feeling sends a jolt right to your clit.

The fabric of your dress is a deep red, perfectly matching the splash of worn red paint that adorns his armor; Exactly what you'd thought when you'd bought it. You're glad it's served you so well so far.

"I'm pleased you liked my little dance so much,"

You say with a laugh, feeling him fumble with the fabric of his body glove just out of view. One arm wraps around his neck, fingers playing with the short grey hair at his nape, while the other tries to keep you steady and on top of the countertop. Not as if Crosshair would let you fall, anyhow. But it still is in the back of your mind, within the tight confines of the refresher this isn't much room at all and if you stretched your legs out fully, you'd just be able to touch the opposing wall.

"Everyone did. They couldn't look away from you."

Oh, so he's a little jealous, you think. Never thought you'd hear him near admit he was fuming over some drooling shinies, but there's a first time for everything.

"Who cares about them; It was all for you." You didn't care that anyone else had been looking at you but him, even beyond the stupid dare.

Freeing his cock from his body glove you feel the heat against your bare thigh, stealing a quick kiss and feeling the tiny bit of stubble dotting his jawline. It'll be gone tomorrow so it's military appropriate, but for now you can enjoy the rough feeling on your skin as his fingers brush against your cunt.

You have to inch even closer, more precariously so his cock can press up against you, teasing your entrance as as your cunt drips. Your legs are lazily wrapped around his hips, and only tighten as he slips inside of you, the rough edges of his armor stiff against your skin.

He doesn't really have much else to wear beside it, not that you mind its being on.

"You're the one that dared me,"

He hears you whisper his name under your breath as he pushes his way into your cunt, over the sounds of more random music outside the door. Though you can't hear it for much longer; As it's drowned out by the sound of rough panting and clothed skin on skin, muffled by the fabric of his body glove. It quickly becomes stained a darker black from where your cunt drips onto it.

"I dared you to go up there and sing," He grits his teeth in a rare lapse of stoicism, hissing through. "Not do that." A rough jerk of his hips cause you to gasp, as he feels like he's going to drive right into your stomach. The angle makes everything tighter, so much closer, and your cunt flutters around him.

"So I can't do that again?" You sound breathless, but the mirth in your voice still shines through.

He scoffs, lips on the corner of your mouth.

"Just do it where only I can see you."

The air between you both is thick with hot breath and flushed skin, and you'd love nothing more than to rip this dress off if not for the fact that you aren't at your apartment- you're instead getting railed in the bathroom at 79's.

Your chest feels like it's going to bounce out of your bra from the way he's fucking you; Having to adjust top of your dress to avoid it spilling out. It's not back in presentable fashion and would be quite easy to tell how your evening's been going, but right now you could barely care.

You just want to cum fast and hard, eager to chase that peak as Crosshair tries to drive you into the mirror at your back.

You're going to feel it in the morning if he keeps this up, feeling the way his cock grinds against your already battered, oversensitive nerves. Hell, you're already feeling it right now; Your muscles ache tight, fingers prying at the edges of his plastoid armor. If he didn't have it on, he'd surely have nail marks on his shoulder blades.

"Gods, fuck Crosshair, I'm so close,"

Your stomach is tight and twisting in knots, and your swear you can feel your heartbeat in your cunt your thighs shiver and shake. Your head lolls back hitting the mirror as you moan, legs tightening around him as your orgasm wracks your entire body.

He keeps fucking you through it even if slowly, driving his cock as deep as he can given the position. But even if he did slow, there's still an aggressiveness, a desperation to it all. Everything is in the heat of the moment, even his almost incomprehensible mumblings, some that are your name, and others praises that he'd feel to open saying out loud without an aura of cockiness.

His hand grips the back of your dress enough to leave wrinkles and probably be close to busting one of the seams, pulling you bottom close as he fully bottoms out inside of you. His hips slow to an inconsistent, shallow movements as he finishes inside of you, some of his own cum leaking out around his cock as he slows to deeper, longer thrusts while his body ratchets down.

When he finally stills, body now far loosen and relaxed than he'd been minutes ago, you still feel the way your cunt flutters as your muscles ache from use.

"Let's go back to your apartment." He suddenly utters out, still slightly out of breath. Your head rests against his shoulder, the cold plastoid cool against your flushed skin.

"Can I get my coat and say goodbye to my friends before you usher me into a taxi?" Crosshair rolls his eyes and the corners of his mouth twitch upwards. You don't disagree that perhaps somewhere more private is a better place to be, and you slowly attempt to pull up your stockings and underwear enough to hop off the counter; Crosshair not helping, but ready in case you stumble. Once on the ground you're slipping up your underwear, feeling the slickness of your cunt dampen them ever so slightly.

"Was that dance not good enough farewell?" You roll your eyes. Your one heel is easy to find, the other takes a moment to slip on sounding strained as you bend over to put it on.

"Like I said; That was just for you." Crosshair doesn't respond, looking away as his pursed lips twitch in thought. It takes a moment to adjust the hem of your dress, before you feel ready enough to reach for the door.

You quickly rush to grab your things and say goodnight to everyone, attempting to defuse any curious questions as to your absence post performance. Tech tries to inquire as to Crosshair's absence, but the sniper quickly snips the conversation stating he just needed to tell you something, before saying he needs to grab a taxi and removes himself from the firing line for anymore questions.

And now he needs to bring you home, conveniently enough.

Wrecker seems disappointed that two members of the party are leaving, but once more food and drinks arrive in front of him he quickly gets over it. He'll probably be too drunk to remember most of the night anyways, and Hunter will end up the same if Tech doesn't cut him off.

After getting a 'stay safe' from Hunter it's a quick jaunt outside into the cool evening air, when Crosshair is standing with a hailed Taxi stopped right behind him. He's looking right at you, leaning against the outside as you come closer.

"All finished?" He says, arms crossed. You watch as he moves to the side to let you in, and you just look up at him and smile as you slip in, saying:

"Maybe."

Join the taglist here: @seriowan @simp-legend @nekotaetae @chad-something @coffeyorky @merkitty49 @lokigirlszendaya @totesnothere04 @get-wr3ckered @rebel-finn @mandoloriancookie @therealnekomari @loverofclones @notthatfanfictionwriter @lucyysthings @jennrosefx @fxlsealarm @crosshairs-wife @sinfulsalutations @Rennyboo9 @pb-jellybeans @jediknightjana

[clatoera]

Picket Fence is Sharp as Knives Chapter 9: I am what I am cause you trained me

Heeeeeeeey besties. I've been WAITING for this one. I've looked forward to it for a while now!! The next chapter is obviously thee chapter so this is the one we had to do. We had to get here. We have been waiting to get here for a LONG time. And here we are.

To start, I actually fuck up the months transition in this a few times I think. I dont think in months. I think in weeks, and so while the months may be off the weeks would be correct (part 1 is 12, part 2 is 16, part 3 is 34, and part 4 is 36). Much of this is accurate in terms of the physiology as well as some of the complaints.

Clove has a lot of anxieties and fears that we really otherwise don't see and so theres a lot more vulnerability on her part here than any other prior chapter so that is a bit different.

Thank you for sticking around I'm very very excited to get this out into the world!

AO3

masterpost

Title from T swift as usual

As always, thank you to the besties, especially @kentwells who has heard me ramble about this for months, and also @bodyelectric77 who doesn't hear me ramble as much about it but still is a victim to my senseless thoughts.

xoxo

From the time she was fifteen years old Clove had one, and truly only one, fear. Prior to fifteen it had been a non issue as far as she had been concerned–it’s not like anyone looked at her like that (or rather, if they did, there was someone large, blonde, and violent threatening them for even daring to do so).  

Dying in the Hunger Games didn’t even dredge up the same feeling of terror and peril. If she died in the games, well at least she went out fighting. It wasn’t like there was going to be anyone back home disappointed in her.  

Okay, maybe during her time in the capitol with blood filled joints and flayed skin, she had one greater fear. Even then, she didn’t fear death itself, considering that sometimes death would have been a welcome relief. Her fear, then, was deeper than death and more so in an eternity of that. 

Of note it wasn’t like she ever actually thought this particular fear had come true, save for once. But that was years ago, literal days before the Quarter Quell and well- she clearly never got an answer either way on that one. 

Even now, with her right index finger teetering on her teeth, shaving the nail down to the bleeding quick, she wasn’t entirely sure until right now either. The only thing she’s been positive about is that she could  actually feel her heart trying to escape the safety of her bones so that it can run off and let the fear dissipate like heat in a nuclear explosion. 

Now, well, there's two things she’s pretty positive about. 

To be fair she wasn’t necessarily doing anything to prevent living her biggest fear– she never needed to (save for a one year stint between Cato’s games and her own). She just..assumed she was very very lucky.

Who could blame her for the uncertainty, in her defense. It’s winter– and if the past three winters have taught her anything it’s that winter fucks her body up.

It had been so simple to justify.

Sure, she’s absolutely exhausted. Exhausted in a way that she can only relate to those last few months before her games, where she was training nearly sixteen hours straight. Yeah, it’s odd for her to want nothing more than to lay in bed for hours and hours a day– but she’s fucking tired. Winter always makes her tired, the cold always drains her. That’s not suspicious, right?

And sure, she’s starving. All the time. But again…it’s winter. Winter means burning more energy just to stay alive of course she’s absolutely starving. And well, when she gets sick when she goes too long without eating, it’s winter of course. She probably caught something from one of the girls. 

Even the body pain– that of course is due to the winter chill deep in her bones. Nothing more sinister, of course not. Everything that’s off about her recently well..things are off every winter after the war!

But…the one thing about Clove? She is not stupid. 

She is not stupid, but as Clove forces herself to look her reflection in the eye she notices the bleeding nails, the red ringed eyes, and the tears already trying to escape, she knows she is not stupid but she is very very very scared. 

The heart that was pounding in her chest to escape now feels so loud in her ears that it deafens her, the nails that now have no edge try to dig into her palms to ground her. She is unsure how she finds the ceramic ledge of the bath to sit on, but she somehow does. For a minute she thinks that she’s dying, that her brain is screaming for air with the way her vision blurs from the periphery inward (she always knew this would cause her death). It’s not until she can hear her own breathing, coming out in desperate, choking gasps that she realizes she’s crying.

Her hands don’t shake– her hands couldn’t shake, that would have meant her death– but as she tries to press the heels of her hands into her eyes she realizes that oh maybe they do as her body fails her in yet another way. 

She didn’t even have a mother. 

How could she be someone’s?

She doesn’t know how long she sits there on the ledge, how long her heart tries to run away from her.  It’s long enough that the skin of her cheeks run raw from the assault of tears, enough that the blood under her nails dries, long enough that her face is drained of any and all color. Her mind is both simultaneously empty and racing, as she barely processes which handle of the faucet to reach for. In her haze she manages to turn on the cold water, and her quivering hand can barely cup enough water to splash on her face. It’s barely enough to bring her back to reality, but it is enough to quell the stinging of her eyes. 

When she catches her appearance again, she almost doesn’t recognize herself. The angry red around her eyes, the stark lack of color even for her. Even her hair falls loosely in her eyes, plastered to her skin by the salt and tracks of her own tears. Looking at herself like this doesn’t even feel like she is seeing her own reflection.

Clove can’t help but think of her mother. 

Did her own mother cry herself raw, when she discovered her existence? Did she bite her nails to nubs, did she think Clove was her worst fear manifested?  Did she know that she’d be on her own within days, did she know not a person in the world was going to stand beside her for the next years of her life? Did she know that Clove was going to be her downfall, did she know that she was the only person in the world who would care if Clove lived or died?

Clove feels another tightening in her throat, another rush of warmth down her cheeks. She stares at herself, unblinking, as the tears continue. 

She knows she isn’t crying for herself, this time, but instead for fifteen year old Sevina Kentwell. The Little Girl, because she really was nothing more than a child, that was her mother. 

“You’re not a teenager.” Clove reminds herself, gripping the edge of the sink until her hands hurt. She is not a fifteen year old, she’s a twenty three year old woman. 

“You’re not alone, he won’t leave.” Yes, her father left her mother, but Cato would never. Could never, and would never. 

“I already won.” She tries, bringing her ice cold hand to her chest, desperately trying to regulate this meltdown before Cato gets home and finds her this way. “I won, I won, I won. I can’t die and leave it behind.” 

Even if she died, there was Cato. Cato, who no doubt, would do anything for even the theoretical baby they did not actually have yet. There was Cato. If something happened to him, well, there was Enobaria. Enobaria and then Glimmer and then Marvel and then, well, beyond that didn’t matter. 

“I won’t die. I won’t die. I won’t die.” Clove manifested, clenching her eyes shut as tightly as she could. “I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. ”

She catches herself off guard, her eyes snapping open as fast as the word slipped out. We. How quickly she’s shifted, how quickly she accepts that she’s not even alone in her own body anymore. She’ll never be alone again. 

Somehow, though, that doesn’t send her spiraling. It was never the child part that scared her. 

That wasn’t her fear, it was not the baby part that she was so frightened of. 

It was the fear of perpetuating a cycle of death and abandonment. It was the near guarantee that she will be a bad mother, with none to model herself after. 

Still, despite that near guarantee of her own impending failure, Clove catches the hint of a smile in her reflection. 

Sure, she may not be good at it, but Cato will be.  In the back of her mind she can still see the look on his face, half a decade ago after her games, when he absently mentioned how he imagined their children to look. 

Even now she herself can't help but wonder if she’ll see her own freckles on her son, or have a dark haired little girl to break up the sea of blondes and redheads that are the children of their friends. 

Hers. It’s her kid. Which, as scary as it is to stomach, is somehow a lot less frightening than she had ever expected. 

She’s normally so aware of her surroundings, hyper attune to any shift in the floor, to the point that nothing can surprise her. Somehow now, she is so in her head, that when she hears the kitchen door slam she practically jumps out of her skin

Clove can hear the heavy steps (stomps? Is he in a mood? What the fuck she’d normally be able to tell) as Cato climbs them two at a time, giving her quite literally just enough time to step into the hall to meet him at the same time he hits the top floor. 

“Was no one going to tell me that pink comes in multiple shades. Apparently saying I need it in pink doesn’t mean much when you’re buying something for toddler girls.” Cato mumbles, pulling out the little paper receipt and bringing it up to eye level. He squints, holding the little sheet a few inches from his face. “I got one..Carnation? And the other one…bubblegum. I thought they were the same color but I was corrected many many many times.” Cato rubs his hand on the back of his neck, heading in a quick right towards their room. “What time do we need to leave?”

Fuck. She was out of it today. Of course, they had to go to District One today (very soon actually) for the twins' first birthday party. Great. She’d feel fantastic after that train ride, for sure. Well damn, was she supposed to wait to tell him after now or-

She doesn’t hear him say her name again, truly locked into her own mind again, when his hand engulfing her shoulder brings her back to her body.

“Clove? Are you okay? We don’t have to go if you aren’t up to it, I know you’ve been really tired lately and it’s okay! We don’t have to-” His voice is just so soft, with concern that is not patronizing but truly genuine, and by the time she glances up to meet his eyes she can’t help but let the words just come out before she has a moment to process what she’s saying. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

For all Clove is not a crier, something in her snaps the second she looks up at him and sees the look of outright love in his pretty blue eyes. For all the times in her life she had been terrified of saying those exact words to him, she had never once expected the way he’d look at her like this. 

She doesn’t give him time to even react before she’s back in tears, fully pressing herself into his chest before he has the time to respond. Or rather, she misses his soft “...really?” when she burrows herself against him. She feels one hand on her back as she feels the other on her face, wiping away the streak of tears over her right cheek bone. That same hand tilts her face up so he can look down at her directly. 

“...are you okay?” Even with the hesitation in his voice Clove can’t miss the absolute joy barely hidden below the surface. As soon as she gives even the slightest nod, she watches as maybe the brightest smile she’s ever seen breaks across his face. It must be infectious, because she can’t help her own in return. 

“I’m okay. I’m really really okay.”  Clove promises, leaning her face into his hand, laughing just a little through her now obsolete tears. “You don’t seem surprised?”

“You don’t cry, I had to ask.” Not just that– Cato knew her better than even himself sometimes. He knew, more than absolutely anyone else, just how scared of this she was. “I don’t think we have any right to be shocked, Clove.” 

Fair enough. 

“It’s like…everything you ever wanted, right?” Clove uses her own hand to wipe the other side of her eyes, before slinking both of her arms around his neck, fully just letting him take the bulk of her weight. 

“Clove, I already have everything I wanted. This is just… beyond that.” It wasn’t a secret that yes, Cato had always imagined his children with Clove, even more so in the last couple of years. Even still they’d been through enough, Clove more than most. It wasn’t something he was going to push her on. “Do you know how long or-”

“Uh like twenty minutes ago-” Clove starts, audibly sighing and rubbing at her eyes when she realizes that's not quite what he meant. “Sorry. Just..I’m not thinking straight today. But no. Sometime between…December and now. Zero to Three months, I don’t actually know. There are…many..many many…many many..many many..many…many times this could have happened, so. We’ll find out.”

Cato’s hands both slide down to her waist, and he lifts her to his height with practiced ease before he kisses her in a way she isn’t sure he has in the seven years they’ve spent with each other, but that she hopes he replicates again and again. She laughs against his lips, as she brings her fingers to thread into his hair slightly, just toying with the base of his neck. 

“On second thought we don’t have to go..” Cato mumbles, barely even pulling away from her to talk, still so close that their nose and heads touched. 

“We have to go. Glimmer will kill us.” Clove sighs in response, but stays impossibly close to him. 

Cato lets go of her with audible annoyance, letting her feet hit the floor before he actually huffs. 

“Fine. But we’re only going because we need to make sure our kid has friends.”

She would be lying if she didn’t say it felt like warmth spread through her chest when she heard the word ours.

Later that evening, they’re standing in the corner of a pink glitter and balloon covered living room. He’s behind her, his arm around the front of her shoulders holding her flush to him, whispering in her ear silly jokes about how they will not be adding a glittery, heart covered, pink wall to their house for the sake of a birthday party next year. 

Between their own little jokes and her stifled giggles, she can’t help but watch their friends. Glimmer, who for the first time in her life freely accepts the swipe of icing on her nose from one of her children or the man she made them with, all the while smiling and laughing without a care in the world for the way it would affect her makeup or her dress size. Or Marvel, carrying around the girls who look nothing like him but look like everything in the world that he loves. 

It dawns on her then, that maybe the reason it is a lot less scary that it is her baby, is because it’s his too.

____________________________________________________________

“You’ve slowed down.” 

Clove quite literally jumps when she hears the voice from directly behind her, and if she didn’t know any better she most definitely would have yelped too, if she didn’t recognize that tone of dissatisfaction immediately.

“Oh for fucks sake Enobaria, don’t sneak up on me like that!” Clove pauses, coming to a full stop so she can bring her heart rate back down to earth. She pulls her head band down over her ears, now even colder without her own adrenaline to ward off the biting cold of late District Two winter. “It’s March, Enobaria, give me a break. It’s always hard to get back into it after the snow melts.”

“Don’t give me that shit, Clove.” Enobaria rolls her eyes as she catches up to her fully, grabbing her by the upper arm and pulling her over to the side, off the same path back to Victors’ Village they both take every day. 

The sense of Deja Vu is intense, and Clove swears for a minute she’s seventeen again, being pulled into the woods on her way back to the Academy on what Enobaria had always so lovingly called her “run of shame.”

“Are you still slutting yourself out, Clove, or did you come to your fucking senses?” Enobaria had truly hissed in her ear, grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her forward with her nails in her skin.  “Don’t even answer that, I’m not as stupid as you think I am Clove. I know what you’re still doing.”

‘Still’, meaning in the past couple of months since Cato returned from the Seventy Second Hunger Games. Enobaria had, naively mind you,  assumed it was just a phase. Teenagers and their little hormones and all that. She figured it wouldn’t last that long, maybe a couple of weeks, as the novelty of victory wore off for Cato. 

Surely he would have a whole crowd of girls after him, but she didn’t think Clove was dumb enough to be one of them. Unfortunately, apparently, she was very very wrong, judging by the way Clove showed up at the academy every morning in clothes that were far too fine to be Academy issued and far too big to be her own. 

Nevermind the fact that some mornings she could literally see her seventeen year old mentee cooking breakfast across the street, playing housewife when she should be playing future victor. 

“I’m not slutting myself out, it’s just Cato-”

“Shut it. I always told you I wasn’t going to let what happened to your mother happen to you. And do you know why, Clove? Because I will kill you and Cato both before you ever step in that arena, got it? Don’t fuck this up for yourself.” Enobaria didn’t even give her time to respond, before she let go of her arm and truly pushed her forward, watching as she stumbled the first few feet before nearly falling to the ground. “Get to training.”

“I’m serious, Clove. You usually get back to the house by nine eighteen if you do six miles. You’re not making it back until Nine thirty. I know you aren’t at seven, you always said the number seven freaked you out, and frankly  you’re not fast enough to do eight at that pace. Never have been.” Enobaria narrows her eyes, giving her solid full body once over, practically an inspection for any obvious injuries. “You aren’t eighteen, Clove. You’ve been through a lot. It’s okay for things to be different, but don’t push yourself to the point you’re hurting. Six may be a lot for you right now, don’t risk it. It’s winter, I know everything hurts you, Clove. But that's a significant time change, I’m just a little concerned–”

“‘Baria. I’m not hurt. I promise. It’s just the beginning of the warm season, and it hurts a little bit but nothing that bad–” Clove tries, putting her hands on top of Enobaria’s wrists as she looks her over. Enobaria clearly means the concern with love, nothing less, nothing with anger.

“It’s not just that, Clove, your form has changed, you seem hesitant and skeptical when you hit the ground, you look hurt. You can tell me if you’re hurt, we can change something, just tell me. You’ve been through a lot, Clove.” Enobaria offers softly, bringing an uncharacteristically gentle hand up to Clove’s upper arm where she rubs random circles. 

Clove goes to defend herself and her body when she is taken off guard by Enobaria’s observation and gentleness, narrowing her eyes as she gives her mentor a once over. “...why are you paying such close attention to me?”

“It’s my job, Clove. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re in the best condition I can get you in. I always watch. And I know something’s changed, I know what they did to you Clove, and we can modify things to make sure you’re not going to get hurt–”  Enobaria insists, once again leading her back up the path to their homes. She’s whispering, because if there is one thing about a Career victor that they cannot seem to shake after everything, is that their public reputation matters. They make it to the steps of Enobaria’s front porch where she eases them both down to the bottom step where many of their longest conversations in Clove’s life have occurred. 

Once upon a time someone overhearing this conversation would have been catastrophic. 

“Oh..Enobaria.” Clove whispers softly as she realizes this is her showing her love. This is how they always showed their concern– tough love.  She is gently grabbing at Enobaria’s upper arm now, giving the lightest little squeeze.. “I’m not hurt, not any more than usual. It’s not that. I know i’m slower than I used to be–”

“What’s wrong, then, Clove? It’s not a big deal, we can fix whatever it is.” Enobaria tries, doing her best to relay genuine concern rather than passing judgment. It’s been her sole responsibility, to keep Clove healthy, for twenty entire years now. 

And yes, maybe she had some guilt over not being able to keep her safe during the war, and needed to make up for it somehow. 

“...I didn’t want to tell you.” Clove whispers, and when Enobaria looks up at her she swears her blood runs genuinely cold at the fear (and tears) in the younger girl’s eyes. “You’re going to be so disappointed in me, Enobaria, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Clove, I’m not disappointed it’s okay to be hurt, it’s not your fault–” She immediately tries to ensure, holding Clove by the shoulders before the freckled girl turns to the side, looking at the sky to blink back her tears before they can freeze to the pale expanse of her skin. 

“I don’t even know how to tell you, you’re going to hate me. I’m so sorry, Enobaria, please I didn’t mean to disappoint you–”

“Clove, I’ll never hate you, now what’s wrong.”

Clove swallows the lump in her throat, before she rises from the step, taking a few steps forward out of Enobaria’s reach. She wipes at her face with the sleeves of her coat before she unzips it. Clove turns to the side as she fingers the hem of her– Cato’s– shirt, before she tugs just the bottom up. 

Enobaria raises an eyebrow, eyeing Clove’s incredibly toned and extremely flat lower abdomen. “Are you trying to show off the abs of a sixteen year old or–”

“What? No? You don’t see it?” Clove glances down, confused as to how she could miss it. Okay, maybe there is absolutely nothing to miss, with years and years of intense workouts to thank, but Clove most certainly notices a difference when she looks at herself in the mirror. “Please don’t make me say it, I can’t say it to you.”

“Say what Clove?”

“Enobaria…I’m..well… No, baria, I can’t say it, I can’t watch you hate me, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Clove rambles, shaking her head rapidly to insist she did not mean to bring such shame on herself. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been afraid of disappointing, I’m so sorry. But please, don’t kill me, I want this.”

“Clove what are you talking about–” Enobaria nearly rolls her eyes, but something about the tears, the fear, and the now dropped shirt click all the pieces into place and she actually gasps as her brown eyes go wide. She feels her lip fall so softly into a sigh, and she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it as she opens her arms to her. “Oh. Clove, honey, it’s okay.”

Clove visibly hesitates to come towards her, frozen like prey deciding if she has a chance to run before she is torn to pieces. That's new, too, that in Fight or Flight her instinct has become flight. “....are you mad at me?”

“Just come here.” She offers one last time, gesturing her forward with her hands. “I’m not mad, Clove. You just look terrified.”

“You always said you’d kill me.” Clove explains warily, one foot planted behind her as if she is ready to haul it across the street to her home as fast as she can. “Do you still want to kill me?”

“Clove, you were a teenager. That was the best threat I had, and it worked. You knew I was capable of it.” She offers with exasperation, dropping her offer of any sort of physical comfort. “You’re not a little girl anymore. I don’t control what you do. I don’t have to worry about getting you in and out of an arena now, you’re an adult.”

“...but are you disappointed?” 

“No, Clove. I’m not disappointed. I’m a little disappointed that you seem actually scared of me right now, but that’s my own fault.” She frowns, dropping her hands completely to her side to take away any threat Clove could be left to perceive. “I’m not going to hurt you at all, Clove. I promise.”

Clove lets her stance relax, and hesitantly takes a step closer to her mentor and practically sister at this point. “I just… I want this, Enobaria. And I want that to be okay. But I also know it killed my mom and..”

“You’re allowed to want to be a mother Clove. You’re not upsetting anyone. You’re an adult. You survived a war. You have absolutely earned and deserve whatever life you could possibly want.” Enobaria cocks her head, and against her better judgment just steps forward to pull Clove into a hug whether she wants it or not. “Clove. Being pregnant, having you.. That isn’t what killed your mom. The games killed her..Snow killed her. It wasn’t you. It was never you. You were never the reason your mother died, and I am so sorry anyone has ever told you differently.”

If Clove’s grandmother weren’t already dead and rotting, she sure would be after today, Enobaria would have seen to that. 

Clove’s only response is a weak nod as she buries her face in Enobaria’s hair, needing more than she realized to hear those exact words. “You’re really not mad?”

“Of course not, Clove.  I promise. You’ll be a good mom. You already take care of everyone else.” Enobaria assures her, bringing her hand up to run over the length of Clove’s long dark hair where it’s come out of the pony tail. “When are you supposed to have it?”

“September.” Clove mumbles into her hair, relaxing until Enobaria gently pushes her back so she can look at her with a quizzical expression as the calculator runs in her brain. 

“...you’re four months pregnant right now? Were you planning on ever telling me?”

Clove nods, brushing her fly aways out of her face with the sleeve of her coat. “I only found out last month. We haven’t told anyone. You were first on the list though, I just wanted to wait a little longer. “

Enobaria just nods, looking her over with the new lens. It made sense now, why Clove seemed so hesitant and careful, and of course slower. “...you’re four months pregnant and you still look like that?”

She gives another nod, the slightest smirky smile taking over her face. “They said it’s ‘cause it’s my only baby. And because I have worked so so hard for such a strong set of muscles in my torso. Thanks for that.”

“Oh good. I guess the Cato genes didn’t kick in then. Not that would fuck you up.”

“Thanks for the reassurance, Baria.” Clove laughs, anyway.

_____________________________________________________________

“Well aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine today, Clove!”

“Can you shut the fuck up, Sparkles?” Clove snaps from her end of the couch, elbows on the arm rest with both her hands on her face, holding up the weight of her head. 

“Oh what an absolute joy we’re going to have together!” Glimmer rolls her eyes playfully from the opposite end of the chair, not even bothering to look over at her truly miserable friend, instead content with focusing on the intricacies of the floral embroidery she is adding to the fabric in her hands. “Remind me again why I'm here if you’re going to be a bitch to me?”

“Because.” Clove groans, stretching out one leg towards Glimmer’s side. “I made one joke that I was just going to have this baby in the bath tub and now Cato won’t let me be alone. He’s just being a scared little pussy bitch baby.”

“Ah. Right. I’m babysitting you.” Glim taunts. “You know, we could just go outside and enjoy the pool with the fathers of our children and my daughters. Cato definitely doesn’t have a shirt on and we both know how you feel about that so…”

“I am not going outside like this.” Clove hisses, shifting yet again in her seat, searching for even the slightest relief of her permanent discomfort at this point in her life. “Cato is safer if I can’t see him or get a straight line to him. My center of gravity may suck but he’s big and an easy target–”

“Clove I’m sure the pool would feel so good, it’s like being weightless, and it’s nice and cool–”

“Have you ever been excessively pregnant in the middle of July? With a giant fucking baby? No? That's what I thought.” She snips at her friend, before once again shifting her legs back and forth over each other. 

“No, but I had two babies at the same time. So I think I get the discomfort part.” Glimmer sets down her handiwork, craning her upper body to look at her incredibly uncomfortable friend. “Go ahead. Just let it out.”

“What?”

“Just say it. Whatever’s on your mind. It sucks and you look absolutely miserable. So. Just…let it out. Say whatever you have to say. Complain. Whine. Whatever. You’re miserable and we’re alone. Just let it out. But remember. I grew two. And I can out complain you.” 

Glimmer clasps her hands in her lap respectfully, giving her full and undivided attention to Clove.

Clove doesn’t even bother to hesitate, being given a free stage to complain to somehow who was not going to take any of her slights personally. She sighs loudly before beginning. 

“I fucking hate this. This sucks. I’m so fucking tired. All the time. But I don’t even get to sleep because this kid just moves all. Fucking. Night! Sleeps all day but then it’s like gym class in there the second I go to sleep! Not to mention I can’t even get comfortable, it’s like she’s crushing my spine in here. Or he. Whatever. She’s crushing my spine, he’s crushing my spine, whoever it is is absolutely fucking my back–” 

“Okay, pause, do you want suggestions as we go, or when you’re done?”

“Glimmer. Just let me talk. You can keep the joys of motherhood talk until the end.”

“That's not what I was going to say, but okay, keep going.”

“Where was I? Oh! The pain. I am in agony. All the time. I can’t go in a hot bath because i’ll boil him in there, but holy fuck does this hurt. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t breathe, Glimmer. It’s like every joint in my body is being ripped open especially here-” Clove runs her hand over her upper back. “I just hurt all the time and I never want to do this again. I can’t. I just hope this kid is a boy so Cato won’t want me to do it again–”

“Has he said he wants it to be a boy, Clove?” Glimmer raises an eyebrow with disbelief, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion. “He seems pretty happy with the girls, I don’t think he’d be that upset either way. You know you can find out–”

“No he’s never said it but I assume that’s what he’d prefer. And I never want to do this ever again.” Clove absolutely insists, twisting back to her other side still entirely unable to get even the slightest bit comfortable. “Oh, and I’m fucking hungry all the time. That’s great. All I fucking want is a sandwhich, all day every day. But I can’t even have one. Because I can’t have that sandwich meat. I’d actually slit someone’s throat for a turkey and cheese sandwich right now, Glimmer. I would sit and eat mozzarella cheese balls with a spoon, and I don’t even like Mozzarella cheese, but I can’t have it so I want it. I hope this kid knows that it is SPECIAL.”

“...are you done?” Glimmer prods gently, turning to face Clove before she gently pats the couch in front of her. “Come here.”

“Yeah, I actually feel a lot better after that.” Clove admits, before she actually scowls at Glimmer. “Come where? You’re not messing with my hair right now..”

“Put your head right here, if you let me touch you, I can help.” Glimmer offers, once again touching the couch in front of her. “As long as you don’t bite my hands off…”

“I don’t know, Glimmer-”

“Clove! Lay down! Right now.” Glimmer insists, actually just reaching across the couch and grabbing her by the hand before pulling her down practically into her lap. “Lay on your..left side.”

“My side? I’m not a side sleeper-”

“You are now, lay down.” Glimmer rolls her eyes, before she leans just a little bit forward over Clove. “You probably hurt extra because you’re literally letting her crush your back and everything in it. It helps a lot to put all that weight to the front. Now two things, the first one I’m going to touch your back okay?” 

Clove nods as Glimmer’s fingers find the small of her back, and all she does is press in before Clove lets out an actual soft gasp of relief. 

“See? Now, wrap your hands under your stomach, okay?” Glimmer instructs kindly, before putting her hands on top of clothes and pulling up towards her face just a little. “See? It takes all the weight off-”

“OH my God.” Clove breathes in very clear relief, some of the tension truly melting off of her face. “Okay, scratch what I said, you’re an angel, Glimmer.”

“You could just tell Cato to do this, it really will help–”

“Oh absolutely not. I never want him to touch me ever again in my fucking life. I hate him for this. It’s his fault.” Clove snaps right back to her anger, but doesn’t dare flinch too much out of Glimmer’s very intentionally placed hands. “Seriously, If he ever tries to touch me again I’ll cut every one of his fingers off. He’s lucky I let him sleep in the same bed, but he has to stay on the complete opposite side. Seriously, I’m not built for this like you are. That asshole tries to take pictures of me, too, and I about broke his hand yesterday morning by ripping the camera out of it.”

“Hmm, that's unlike you.” Glimmer teases, but there is a softness in her voice that is not quite patronizing but not dreamlike either. “What do you mean like I am?”

“I don’t know Glimmer, you seemed so happy, and you were just so glowy and beautiful and you just were so peaceful and grateful and I feel fucking horrific. I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive another six weeks of this.” Clove mumbles, though her eyes are closed and with her head against Glimmer’s leg there is a lot less malice in her tone. “I’m not you.”

“Oh…Clove, I'm sorry. I don’t think I was very honest with you.” Glimmer admits, glancing down at her friend. “Clove, I cried every. Single. Night. I’d wait until Marvel was asleep, and then I’d go sit in the girls room sometimes for hours and just…cry.  I was terrified, like legitimately terrified. Every single night. For hours. Do you know why I was okay with not telling anyone the twins were twins? Because I was convinced one of them wasn’t going to make it. Aurelia, specifically. She was always so much smaller, always. I didn’t want to tell anyone in case she didn’t and then no one would ever know. And looking back, I can’t imagine pretending she didn’t exist. It would kill me. There's pictures of me, too, every single week, and I can’t look at them either. They’re hidden so I won’t burn them, because I can’t see myself that way even now. No, I was not in as much pain as you are, I know that. But I was scared. I was so so so scared.”

“Glimmer, I didn’t know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that–”

“No, Clove. You should know.” Glimmer insists, shaking her head briskly back and forth. “It’s not fair to you to think that you’re experiencing it wrong. Because you aren’t. I was terrified. Everything else you mentioned…I get some of it. The reason it moves more at night when you’re trying to sleep is because when you walk around all day you like rock her to sleep, so when you lay down it’s not keeping her asleep anymore. If you talk to it, that might help–”

“What do you mean talk to it, it can’t hear me, Glimmer?”

“...of course he can hear you, Clove. Don’t you like..talk to him?”

“Well, no, I didn’t think he could hear through everything between us.” Clove shrugs slightly, trying not to let any of the guilt she suddenly felt slip into her face. Add that as another check as to why she’s an unfit mother.

“...there is literally nothing between you. It’s quite literally as close to you as another human could ever possibly be. The girls didn’t know their names, because they obviously couldn’t differentiate who was who, but when I didn’t know which one was doing something I'd just call them sis, literally just sis, and they did respond to that.” Glimmer can’t help her smile at the memory of her tiny girls in the earliest days of their lives. “They knew when I talked, and they knew Marvel too, because he used to lay in bed and talk to them for hours. I sometimes wonder how they became such chatty little girls, they use real words now, but it’s not actually a question. They get it from him. Now they wake me up with these little hands on my face going ‘Hi mama’ over and over until I wake up. Sometimes I pretend to be sleeping a few extra minutes just because their little voices are so damn cute.”

“You’re just meant to be a mom, Glimmer, that’s what I mean. You just talk about them like that.” Clove explains, running a hand over her face in exhaustion. “How do you just love like that? So freaking effortlessly. I’m fucking terrified I won’t know how to love it.”

“...because that’s just what happens, Clove. It just happens. I promise, Clove. It is effortless. I’m not worried about you not loving your kid, because you will. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do, not having one, but loving one.” Glimmer promises, with such a soft edge in her voice Clove feels like she is being talked to not by her friend but by a mother. “I do think you need to be kinder to yourself. Let Cato help you, Clove, that's why he’s there.”

“No, I can’t tell him.”

“Tell him what, Clove? That you’re uncomfortable? That's a given. You’re tiny and you are sharing your body with another human. You went through things no one can understand, of course you’re uncomfortable.”

Clove rolls further on her side, not wanting to face any passing judgment from Glimmer. “I don’t want him to see me as weak, Glimmer.”

“OH stop RIGHT there, Clove. He would NEVER. I mean that, never in the entirety of his life, is he going to see you that way. I’m sure of it. I will never forget the months he worried about you, and weak was never a word he associated with you. He thinks you walk on water, there's not anyone who’s ever going to be stronger in his eyes than you Clove. I know that without a doubt. He will never see you as weak.”

“But this is different, Glimmer. I should just be good at this, too.” Clove insists half heartedly, dropping the hand under Glimmer’s but actually letting out a whine at the immediate loss of relief followed by the familiar tugging ache. 

“You need to let him help you. He wants to. Besides, he’s got big hands. Make him hold up the baby so you can sleep, you deserve it.” Glimmer promises, gently brushing over Clove’s upper arm. 

“You know, you mentioned how Marvel likes to talk. Back, you know, when we were in the Capitol? Sometimes they’d just drop me back off in this cell and I'd be just…i’d be bleeding and I was in so much pain I couldn't even see straight. And it could be the middle of the night, it could be the morning, I never knew we didn’t know time, but he would sit there and talk to me through the wall for hours. I don’t even know about what. But I think he was afraid that if I fell asleep I wouldn’t wake back up, and so he would keep me just awake enough…he’s good, Glimmer. I know you two had it rough, but he’s good.”

“I know he is. They both are, somehow.” Glimmer gives the softest smile in return, brushing her now free hand over Clove’s hair over and over. Clove isn’t looking up at her, her eyes closed in contentment and genuine relief, allowing her to actually relax. “...and that's why I'm ignoring the fact I can see them throwing my sixteen month olds back and forth in the pool right now.”

_____________________________________________________________

“Cato….Cato…babe…Cato.” Clove nudges impatiently, which soon turns to grabbing his shoulder and shaking slightly. “Cato…Cato!”

“Hmm?” His voice is muffled by the pillow where he buries his face, not even bothering to lift his head from the dead of his sleep. All Clove can really see of him is the broad expanse of his shirtless back, and the mess of his hair facing upwards on the pillow. Even his arms, where they are buried under the pillow to hold up his face, do not move with her insistence. 

“You better learn to wake the fuck up when this kid gets here, I’m not going to be the only one losing sleep.” Clove warns, but fishes his hand out from under the pillow and brings it to her side. “He’s moving a lot right now.”

“Could it be because you’re talking to him at-” Cato raises half his head, just enough so he could see the bedside clock “...two in the morning, Clovey?”

“He was moving before that, too, Cato.” Clove murmurs, moving the dead weight of Cato’s hand around until he relents and turns on his side to face her. “Feel him.” She absolutely insists, leaning back on her hands to prop herself up. “Or her, I guess. I think he’s a boy though. Just a feeling.”

“I think so, too.” Cato admits, and with a sly smile he slides his hand under her (his) shirt, just to feel the smoothness of her skin under his fingertips. There was something about it, even in the dead of the night, about Clove’s little body engulfed by his clothes. He was, as always, obsessed with her, a fact he never let her forget. 

Even if she insisted it’s because nothing else fit her– bold, considering this still looked like a dress that hit her knees. 

“We need to figure out what we’re gonna name this baby, Cato. We’ve got a month if we’re lucky.” Clove put her hand on top of his, guiding it around to the most opportune place that their kid seemed to be hanging out at any given moment. 

“Well you rejected naming him Cato so-”

“Absolutely not, your ego is bad enough, I do not want to live with two Cato Hadleys.” Clove warned, but the soft look in her eyes betrayed anything but annoyance. She strums her fingers on top of his gently, giving them a little soft squeeze. “I love you, you know.”

“I know. You wouldn’t do this if you didn’t.” Cato acknowledges, shifting his head over to lay on her other hand. “I know it’s not easy, It’s been a lot on you. I love you, and somehow I love you more every day, even when you’re threatening to cut off my hands.”

“Well I kind of need you to have hands now, so you’re safe.” Clove teases, but brushes her fingers over the mess of his hair. “You know, I’m going to do all this work and it’s going to come out looking just like you.”

“Hey, I did some work too-”

“Like five minutes of work nine months ago.”

“That’s cold, it was way more than five minutes.”

“Okay, eight minutes.” Clove can’t quite lean down to kiss him, so she settles for squeezing his hand instead. “I’m kidding. You know that. I wouldn’t survive this without you, and I wouldn’t have done it for anyone else.”

“I know, babe. And I never forget that.”

She huffs impatiently as their child has seemingly decided it’s no longer time to play now that Cato’s been woken up, but the reason why hits her like bricks to her chest and the softest little “oh” comes out first. 

“Keep talking to him.” She softly demands of him, holding his hand to her while she so carefully shifts to lay on her side to face him.

“Huh?”

“He stopped when you started talking. He knows you. Keep talking to him, so I can sleep.”

“Are you serious? What should I say?”

“Do I even look like I’m slightly kidding? Goodnight, Cato. Bond with your child.” 

[heavenlymarie0]

MDNI!! SHOO GO DO SOME HOMEWORK OR READ A CHILD APPROPRIATE BOOK!!

slight exhibition, soft dom aki and sorta kei, childhood friends, usage of princess and slut like once, afab(mentions female parts) no i didn’t read through, see bottom for more stuff

xoxo happy reading

“why do you have to take what’s mine kei!”

“cause it’s fun to see you get mad”

tsukishima kei, has been your best friend, predestined way before you were born. When your parents met the tsukishima’s they immediately became close, basically considering one another family. A few years later akiteru was born, then kei, and then just a few months later you. life as the youngest had its pros and cons. you and kei walked together everyday, ever since primary school so that means no ever bothered you. but, that didn’t stop kei from messing with you….

“your edges are a lopsided”

“kei…go somewhere and leave me alone, unless you learn to do hair don’t comment on mine”

“i’m just trying to help, also your glasses are smudged”

you side eye him with extreme distaste.

but there was one pro that you loved the most about this relationship with the boys, and that was aki. you have been smitten with him ever since you could see colors, he is the complete opposite of kei, laughing at all your terrible corny jokes, watching movies with you, letting you practice your braiding.

“OW Y/N CHRIST THAT’S TOO TIGHT!!”

“aki don’t wine! i’m almost done, hand me the braiding gel please”

You loved the boys in different ways but still equally, y'all would always spend one weekend a month together. even when everyone went to college. it definitely wasn’t hard, being that you and kei were roommates. when your parents found out y’all were both interested in going to sendai city they were able to arrange you both to be roommates. which was the biggest mistake ever.

“KEI!! how many times do i have to tell you?!? KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY STUFF”

“I didn’t touch your stuff Y/N and even if i did who cares, it’s just a couple hair products”

“oh really!!! well next time i order my stuff you can swipe your card so you can see how expensive they are”

“whatever. just cleanup, niichan will be here soon”

the three of you are all sitting watching a movie, kei on the ground using the couch as a pillow, and you and aki cuddling. cuddling with aki is so normal to all of you since you’ve been doing it forever. but tonight was different.

everyone falls asleep, but you feel your throat getting dry and also want some more comfortable clothes. you walk into the room and put on some shorts and the oversized t-shirt you stole from kei a couple days ago. walking back towards the kitchen you try reaching for a cup on the top shelf, but you feel something warm behind you. immediately you noticed it had to be kei, since aki is a little shorter

“k-kei…what are you doing?”

“Y/N why do you prefer niichan over me?”

kei says while his hand roams your plump waist, softly rubbing every part of it, admiring it.

“is it ok for me to touch you like this?”

“yes..it feels mhm~ really nice”

your head falling onto his chest, sinking into his warm touch that now surrounds you. You turn around to make eye contact with him. As you open your mouth to ask him what’s this all about, his soft lips meet with yours. His hand placement draws you closer, worried that you would slip away. He needed this moment to last forever.

He breaks the kiss trying to give you a chance to breathe. His eyes glaze over as he looks at the girl he’s been in love with forever.

“wh-why did you do that kei…”

“wow your slower than I thought, as big as your head is you have a small brain Y/N”

you roll your eyes at this comment, but kei bends down, making close contact with the shell of your ear, immediately it gets hot.

“i want you.”

you look up, mouth wide open, staring at the large boy in front of you. the only thing in your mind is how great he’d feel, touching and worshiping your body.

“take me then kei.”

almost running out of the kitchen he drags you inside his room. you’ve been inside it multiple times since you steal his stuff practically everyday, but this time you felt more nervous and anxious. he pulls you around the side of his bed, pushing you back so you fall. while you lay there his soft hands begin to pull up the shirt to exposed you stomach

“you complain about me taking you stuff only to walk around in my shirt.”

he smirks looking up at you, only to start kissing your stomach. he pulls the shirt even further and makes his way to your chest. his lips opening and latching onto them. a small moan exits your mouth, to which he responds with a bite on your nipple.

“fuck! ow kei what the hell you dick”

“if you’re gonna moan, it needs to be loud enough for niichan to hear.”

“you’re so sadistic mhm~”

before you could finish your sentence, kei interrupting you by rubbing his hand on your wet clothed cunt.

“did niichan make you this wet or was it the way i was holding you?”

the blonde hair boy asks while he pulls down your shorts revealing your pretty pussy.

“no panties? nice choice”

licking a soft line up to your clit, he begins to swirl his tongue around the bundle of nerves. Your hands fall down to reach his slightly curly blonde locks, pulling him closer. He removes his hands from your thighs, only to hold yours back.

“ahh~ kei please”

“sorry but hands off my love”

his gentle slow licks speed up. unable to hold back anymore your voice echoes off the wall.

“mmm yes kei right there”

his glasses starting to fog up from the heat of your body, he removes them and places them on you. you look so cute, face all flushed, his glasses on you, and desperate for the pleasure he’s giving you.

“hey Y/N, look at me ok.”

trying to reposition yourself on your elbows. you notice how truly handsome the boy in front of you is, especially as ravages you. tiny beads of sweat appeared on his forehead causing his hair to stick to his face. his long fingers hold on to you so tightly. you were so focused on his charm you didn’t notice the slight flood of light entering from the door. but kei did.

“looks like we have a guest”

your eyes instantly shoot towards the door, as you begin to reach your climax and feel the twisting in your stomach.

“AKI!”

your eyes see white and your body twitches. aki mesmerized by the way you lay on the bed. heavily breathing, bonnet slipping off, just a mess.

“oh no Y/N seems you woke up niichan, and you’ve also caused him a slight problem”

you look down to see the hard on aki has. motioning for him to come over to you, mustering up the strength to move, you crawl over to him and slowly pull down his plaid pajama pants. he looks down at you, the girl he grew up with. tugging down his boxer you are surprised by aki’s dick. it’s not long but it’s extremely veiny, with a blush pink tip, and an impressive amount of girth. your mind begins to wonder what the other brother’s looks like. but before you could even look at it while you were distracted he had begun rubbing it on your wet cunt, teasing your clit and entrance. trying to turn around aki grabs your head pushing himself all the way into your mouth and kei pushes himself into you at the same time.

“wow Y/N it’s like this slutty pussy of yours was made for me!”

aki lets out a soft moan as your mouth vibrates in response to kei’s lewd remark.

“mm you look so pretty Y/N my little princess”

as if in unison both blondes began slowly thrust into you. feeling full in both holes, your moans rise in volume but muffled by aki dick. focusing on kei pushing in and out of you manage to imagine what it looks like. kei’s isn’t as girthy but definitely long! it feels as if he‘s in your stomach with every thrust. the slow hard thrust turning fast, almost completely unable make sense of anything. you let the two boys use your body. trying to reach your climax you feel kei stop.

“mhm kei why did you stop~” your words slurred.

“don’t cum until I say so…both of you”

you look up at aki face, similar in confusion to yours, but you both nod anyway and continue.

eventually you reach the same highness you felt earlier.

“I guess you wanna mphm~ cum huh slut?”

“does our little princess wanna cum?”

PT. 2?!?!

THIS IS MY FIRST WRITING SO PLEASE SEND REQUESTS!!! I LOVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM….but don’t be a bitch <33

[mysticmellowlove]

Teen Yan x teen Fem where he just wants to be with her so so so so bad. He can’t function without her. Every since he met her in a book store a few months ago he couldn’t get enough. He has never been in love but he knows he loves her more than anything this quadrant of the universe could provide. He knew that he found his purpose in this world and it was to serve her. It was such a coincidence that on summer vacation they met at the bookstore but even more so when she said she just moved to his home state and town which was across the country from where they were for summer… it’s almost like it wasn’t real!

Little does he know that she was manifesting and creating a perfect scenario in her head of how she could meet her twinflame and it came to be! Anyway back to the point. They make it back to their hometown at different times but the whole time he was away from her after meeting he could only think of her! He didn’t have many friends or even a friend at all at school.

He was beautiful but his personality kinda put everyone on edge because he was so quiet and intimidating but in reality he was just a shy thing. Only she would know that though. She was homeschooled maybe a couple years younger than him and didn’t have anyone at all that’s why she was manifestation for wishing for her eternal love.

They meet up again to continue their friendship but he just can’t believe that’s she’s real! She’s just so perfect he couldn’t have even imagined it. She’s so beautiful. He’ll do anything for her! It’s almost like he’s a whole other person with her. He still comes off very intimidating to people but when they look at him with her he smiles and laughs and blushes. He just wants her to be with him. Eventually he confesses to her basically begging for her to give him a chance because he knows that if he isn’t with her he will never be with anyone ever. She is the one he has always needed. She will be his ruler. He tells her he’ll serve her forever, be her lover, her best friend. And she accepts because he’s all she’s ever wanted too.

Omg that was so long ik I never write but whew

You can do what you please with that. You don’t have to make it a fix if you don’t want to because the plot is pretty long like multi parts lol. I’m fine with you just reading it 😭☝️❤️

Xoxo 🍪

a/n; just a little something something. anon honestly popped off, this was delightful to read. (also this is unedited, today's been long and i wanted to start working on some of the asks)

One - His

He couldn't believe what he was looking at. Standing in the aisle before him was the most perfect looking girl he had ever seen. Everything about her seemed to draw him in, the way she seemed to block out everyone around her as she read the blurb of the book, the way the sun hit her face just right, the way that she was dressed... it was as if she was his perfect match.

Instantly he felt himself grow lightheaded as he ducked around the shelving. His hand clenched the space above his heart. After all the daydreaming and reading he had done... he found his one and only love. He had found the one he wanted to devote himself to for the rest of his life and she was right in front of him.

His eyes widened, why was he standing here like an idiot! He hadn't seen her around before, this might be his one and only chance to talk to her. If he had been in a better state of mind he would've deflated a little at the thought of her going back to her hometown but he was too wrapped up in the moment to care about the future.

He coughed into his hand and walked out from behind the aisle. However, before he could walk casually over to her he found that she was right before him! He jumped a little, his face heating up as she smiled at him.

"Hey, I saw you looking at the sci-fi section. Do you have any recommendations?" He couldn't help the dopey look that crossed his face. This was going to be the start of something beautiful.

Two - Hers

A grin crossed her face as she looked in the direction of her kitchen. Her parents were out tonight and she had invited him over. All that work she had done before summer break had paid off. She had seen it in a dream, there was a person out there that was made for her. Someone who understood her like no one else would. Someone who knew just how to make her laugh, a real friend... someone who knew what it was like to be on the outside.

She could hear him bustling around in there, putting his cup in the sink. She had seen how he looked at her, that unbridled adoration. That was how she knew it had worked.

"Hey, thanks for inviting me over." Of course it couldn't last forever, he had to go away soon but she had a feeling that they would be seeing each other again.

"No worries, I'm glad you decided to hang out." He grinned at her, sitting down next to her on the couch as the final scene of the movie they were watching played out. He was so close, she could feel the warmth of his thigh on her own. His 'sneaky' glances, his attentiveness, the way he seemed to hold himself around her... as if he wanted to give her the whole entire world. Finally, she felt special.

[covenofthearticulate]

Pairing: Armand/Louis/Lestat

Opener: "I have missed you so much." 🥹

Send a pairing and a starting line! (listen you already know I simply HAD to write something based off of this response I had on my Louis blog!! this has lived rent free in my head for MONTHS so thank you for supplying the perfect jumping off point for me)

"I have missed you so much."

The confession comes between gritted teeth. There's a heaviness to his voice, and they both catch it immediately. There is no Mind Gift needed to communicate the level of concern etched across the furrow of Lestat's brow, the frown tugging at Armand's cherub lips.

It's a jarring sight to come home to: Louis in his chair, fussing with the threadbare sleeves of his sweater, the delicate features of his face twisted with ruinous anguish as crimson tears slowly collect in the corners of his downcast eyes.

Impossible, that this was the same creature Lestat had left only a few nights ago. He remembers their conversation so clearly:

“I think you should go,” Louis had encouraged him, upon reading the invitation from Armand. It was a simple request: come to Paris, help to renovate the villa while the weather was still warm. The invitation was open to Louis, too, of course, but Louis knew better than to intervene.

“I knew you’d say that,” Lestat had scoffed.

“I think it would be good for you both.”

“You’re only saying that to get me out of the house. I’ll come home to find all the furniture out in the street, replaced with something boring and practical.”

“It is a ghastly armchair, Lestat.”

“It’s a statement piece.”

“We don’t need to make statements.”

“I have nothing to say to him.”

“That’s not true, Lestat.”

“Of course it’s true! How many nights have we spent together gnashing at old wounds? How many times can we have the same argument? He probably only wants me there to insult me.”

“Paris is different. You don’t have to speak to him. Just be in each other’s company. Explore the city as humans do. Hunt. Be the companions you never could be before.”

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop being wise.”

“I’m giving you my honest advice, Lestat.”

“Come with me, then. Let the three of us walk down the Champs Elysses.”

“No,” Louis had said. “It needs to be the two of you.”

It was Louis who told him to go, Louis who sensed the importance tending to the old wounds between the two of them.

But it was also Louis who had sent that text, merely days after Lestat’s departure. 

He hadn’t meant to do it, in all honesty. He knew damn well as soon as he hit the send button that he would ruin their time together. But, see, Lestat had made the mistake of sending Louis a picture. It wasn’t the sort of picture Louis expected to receive while Lestat was away (and thank God for that, honestly); it was simply a selfie of he and Armand walking down the street. Lestat’s arm was wrapped around Armand’s shoulder, and Armand’s expression was ripe with annoyance, frustration, and irrefutable love. 

Evidence that we have not killed each other yet. Please, tell me you are proud of me. I love to hear you say it. xoxo

It was nothing Louis had not seen before. It was exactly what he had hoped for, in fact. He had every intention of replying with a simple “Good.” or perhaps even a thumbs up at this best-case scenario. 

And yet. 

The longer he stared at it, the longer he felt some strange agony in the pit of his stomach, like a red hot poker melting through him. The feeling is alien, but not unrecognizeable. He knows it for what it is, and it’s humiliating and irrational and completely, totally foolish, but for perhaps the first time in centuries…Louis de Pointe du Lac is jealous.

I miss you.

I miss you both. 

I cannot stand the thought of the two of you finding happiness without me. 

I know how selfish that is. I know I am being irrational and hypocritical. But surely, I will die without your love.

I need the two of you here with me, now.

And that was that. Lestat and Armand were on a plane home within the hour.

If the air wasn't sucked out of his lungs at the sight of him, Lestat might have made a joke, might have checked the sky for flying pigs because if Louis de Pointe du Lac is weeping, then surely the end of the world is soon to follow. He opens his mouth to try and say as much, but Louis beats him to it:

“You must think me so foolish.”

The thing about Louis is that he so often carries an air of melancholy with such grace that everyone seems to forget the hidden depths of anguish that rear their ugly heads when he is left alone with his own thoughts for too long. His approach to the masterful art of repression had been wholisticly different than that of Armand or Lestat; rather than numb himself entirely or run from the depths of his emotions, Louis had always drowned himself in sorrow because, perhaps long ago, he thought he might acclimate to it.

Instead, it only seems to twist him up until he’s worse off than before. It had chewed him up and spat him out, this time.

“Louis,” is all Lestat can think to say as they drop their bags, shed their coats and head straight for their lover in his trusty old armchair.

They kneel, one on each side; Lestat on the left and Armand on the right. Leaning closer, Lestat lifts his hand to wipe the tears from Louis’ eyes, but is shunned away.

“He’s embarrassed,” Armand translates, as he so often does. Beneath the curtain of black hair, he catches Louis’ gaze and knows he’s struck the truth.

“Embarrassed! Why—”

“Because he wants our love, and there is some part of his mind that feels humiliated in admitting that.”

The sudden rush of blood in Louis’ cheeks, up behind his eyes sockets, is enough evidence that Armand, as always, is right.

Lestat kisses at the sweet little blush, right against Louis’ temple as he pets one hand through his hair. 

“My darling Louis,” he hums. “I’ve missed you so terribly. Have you missed him, too, Armand?”

“Yes, of course.” Armand follows right along. If Louis didn’t know any better he’d think the whole thing was rehearsed. Sometimes they think with such synchronicity it's uncanny. 

“Perhaps we ought to show our dear Louis how much we missed him.”

“Yes,” Armand agrees, and he’s already moving closer, fingers already ghosting up Louis’ chest. “It’s good to be home.”

[getsojaded]

part i: non-refundable || calum hood

word count: 1.8k

warnings: swearing

a/n: weeeewww mini series in da works lfggg. i got this idea based of those tiktok’s where exes break up but they still go on their planned trip together bc they can’t do anything abt it hence the name of the series LOL hopefully this doesn’t turn into a shit show!! lmk ur thoughts xoxo

—

You’re casually scrolling on your laptop, looking through your old emails and clearing out any unimportant ones. You had a habit of signing up for one too many subscriptions, resulting in your email inbox constantly being clogged.

“Why did I even sign up for the Gymshark newsletter? I stopped going to the gym three months ago,” you sighed to yourself, earning a laugh from your roommate, Gabriella as you unsubscribe from the athleisure apparel website and delete, yet another email. You take a look at the email below the one you had just deleted, as the words Flight 1120 Confirmation caught your eye. You forget for a moment how this ended up in your inbox, but the memory almost instantly catches up to you and your breath hitches.

“No fucking way.” You say to yourself outloud, causing your roommate to look over at you. “What happened?” She asks concerningly, and you shift your laptop towards her, giving her a clear sight of the email you clicked on. “You forgot you’re going to Japan?” she asks, confusedly. “I forgot I’m going to Japan.” You copy her words. Her face is still laced with confusion, wondering what could be so bad about forgetting a trip you planned. “Sorry Y/N, I’m not picking up what you’re putting down.”

“I forgot I’m going to Japan with Calum.” You state, holding your head in your hands. “Oh. OH.” Gabriella then comes to the realization of how severe this situation is. “What are you going to do?”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do? I haven’t talked to him in like, 5 months! Do I just contact him out of nowhere and be like, ‘hey, I know we haven’t spoken since we broke up but is our Japan trip still on?’?” You’re now panicking, getting up from your seat and pacing around your shared living room. “Okay okay, let’s calm down for a moment. Maybe you still have time to talk to him about it, and refund the ticket. Let’s not get too worked up here,” Gabriella attempts to reassure you, moving your laptop closer to her and searching up the terms and conditions. “Here, refund and exchange inquiries.” She clicks on the link, and you lean over her shoulder, eyes grazing over the screen. “Okay, it says that you can refund your ticket if your scheduled flight is more than 4 weeks away. Let’s check when your flight is.” She switches tabs, going back to the email with your ticket and confirmation. “Scheduled flight is June 27th. What day is it?”

Your eyes dart over to the top right corner of your laptop. June 14th. “No fucking shot,” You groan in defeat, taking a seat beside your now, concerned roommate. “I have two weeks to bring this stupid trip up to him?!” You exclaim.

“Y/N.. I would do everything in my power to get you out of this if I could. However, the only way you’re going to deal with this is by talking to him. Is it going to be that hard? Did you guys end off that badly?” Gabriella asks you, and your mind shifts over to the last time you had seen your ex-boyfriend.

—

“You know I love you.” Calum states, taking a hit of his cigarette. It’s about 2 in the morning, and you two have been having a heavy conversation, to say the least. About the two of you, your relationship, and life itself. Tears have not fallen just yet, but you’d be lying if you said that you haven’t blinked back them multiple times tonight.

Calum’s not speaking much. You’re used to it. After being with him for 3 years, you’ve grown to appreciate how closed off he is about certain things. However, tonight is not one of these nights to hide your emotions.

Calum is a week away from heading off on the 5th 5SOS tour, and the day he arrives home, you’re off to Canada for a few months for a couple of business trips. This is a recurring event, only beginning to happen about a few months ago, where one leaves, and then when they come back, the other has to take off. You and Calum are both well aware of the situation that your careers have put you through, but neither of you have had the courage to speak up about it. Until tonight. Except, you had to be the one to bring it up.

“You know I love you too. It’s just.. we’re not aligning. You’re gone half the year because of touring and the moment you come back, I’m off on another business trip. How many times has this happened? And how many times have we not talked about it? We can’t keep ignoring the elephant in the room that’s been here for months, Cal.”

Calum’s head is in his hands, sighing at the complications of this conversation. He has a bad feeling about the outcome of your relationship by the end of the night, but tries his best to ignore it, despite the large pit in his stomach. “I’m not sure what you want me to do here, Y/N.” he replies bluntly, unable to put his thoughts into words.

You start to grow annoyed with the lack of response in his statements. “Can you at least try to say something helpful? It feels like I’m the only one trying to put effort into salvaging our relationship!” You exclaim, getting up from your seat and walking around, trying not to get too heated.

“I just fucking said that I don’t know what you want me to do! What fucking else do I say?!” Calum is now angry, harshly throwing his cigarette on the ground and putting it out with his shoe. “Want me to tell you ‘oh don’t worry baby, we’ll figure this out and we’ll be all sunshine and rainbows’? We can’t figure this out, Y/N. I think you know what I’m going to say.”

Calum regrets his words instantly, the moment he sees the pain planted onto his lover’s face. “Y/N, wait-” “I don’t wanna hear it, Calum.” She cuts him off, and his heart stops at the use of his full name – aside from tonight, he can’t recall the last time she’d call him that. “If that’s what you’d like to do, throw the last 3 years away without even trying to have a proper conversation about it, then so be it.” She angrily spits out, wiping the uncontrollable tears from her eyes. Y/N quickly gathers her keys and phone, and starts walking towards the front door. “It was nice knowing you, Calum. I’ll grab my shit when you leave.” Are the last words she says to her now ex-lover, slamming the door on her way out.

—

“Pretty fuckin’ badly,” you mumble, trying to ignore the pang in your chest after reflecting back on the last time the two of you had seen each other. “Gab, I’m fucked. I have no idea what to do.”

“You’ll figure it out, Y/N.” Gabriella takes notice of your distress, and pulls you in for a comforting hug. “I’m sure Calum doesn’t hate you, and is willing to have a civil conversation about this.” You pull away, with doubt written all over your face. “I don’t know about that one, Gab…” you trail off, zoning out for a minute, before an idea comes to your mind. Your eyes widen ever so slightly. “Wait, I’m going to call Luke.”

“Luke? Why Luke?”

“Maybe he can go on the trip with Calum instead of me,” you suggest, grabbing your phone and dialing his phone number.

3rd Person POV:

All four boys are currently at Michael’s house, enjoying their well deserved break from music. They’re currently on Michael’s Playstation, trying to beat each other in FIFA. The music in the background comes to an abrupt stop, causing Luke to get up and grab his phone, as he’s the one on aux. “Hold on one second, I’m getting a phone call.”

The other three pay no mind to it, continuing their game as Luke leaves the room for a brief moment. Just as he closes the door, all three boys can hear his faint voice say “Y/N, what the fuck, how have you been?”

Michael and Ashton turn towards Calum, who now has a confused look on his face. Michael pauses the game, as Ashton asks his two friends beside him, “Did I just hear what I think I heard?” Michael, with wide eyes, nods his head slowly and Calum’s expression hasn’t changed. He’s frozen in place, almost. Even the sound of her name still has such an effect on him.

“I wonder why she’s calling..” Michael trails off quietly, and Calum quickly shakes off the emotions he had just felt. “Unpause the game, it’s probably nothing.” Calum states nonchalantly, Michael following his friends’ words and continuing to play.

Luke doesn’t come back for another 10 minutes, and when he does, he walks out with concern written all over him. Michael feels like it’s a good time to pause their game once again, and when he does, Luke sits down in his previous spot and asks Calum, “Are you supposed to go on vacation with Y/N in two weeks?”

“What the fuck?”

“Bro.. what??”

Calum, this time, is now actually frozen in place with wide eyes. Completely forgetting about the trip you two had planned, he has no idea what to say. “Y-yeah, I am. I forgot about that,” he manages to get out. “Well, she just called me, saying that the tickets you two bought together are non-refundable now. She asked me if I wanted to go with you so that the ticket doesn’t go to waste, but I’m heading off to Vietnam with Sierra a couple days before.” Luke states, rubbing his chin.

Calum doesn’t know what to feel. How is he supposed to feel? He feels a bit upset that she contacted Luke before contacting him, but at the same time he’s relieved. He doesn’t think he’d be able to face her without any sort of warning beforehand. He’s wondering if you had forgotten about the trip as well, just like him. His heart rate is at least 120 beats per minute, and his thoughts are all over the place, and the first thing he is able to say is “Can either one of you come with me?”

Ashton and Michael look at each other, and Michael’s the one to speak up first. “Did you forget I’m going back to Australia in three days? What about you, Ash? Last hope.” Calum looks at Ashton, who has a disappointed look on his face. “Nah man, my family’s coming in next week.”

Calum groans in defeat, throwing his head back, closing his eyes. “Well fuck.” he states, causing the three other boys to eye each other with concern. “What are you gonna do, man?” Luke asks, causing Calum to shake his head.

“There’s only one thing to do.”

“Which is?”

“Call Y/N and figure this shit out ASAP.”

[hiddenwashington]

yearly disclaimer that this is going to be LONG but i promise it’s GOOD!!!

hello my beloved hidden, it is my favorite day of the entire year, the year that i get to celebrate all of YOU. that i get to express my almost overwhelming gratitude to all of you incredible members, to my dear best friends on the admin team, to all the past members who still resonate within the heart of hidden. somehow, someway, hiddenwashington turns FIVE YEARS OLD today, and i am already in tears writing that sentence and we’ve just gotten started. when i started hidden, in some sleep deprived delirium at 2am five years ago (and then hitting the tags at 5am that same morning), i never once imagined i would still be here even a year, let alone 5 years later, still loving and cherishing every single moment i get to spend here. it has been the most rewarding, challenging, downright hysterical and overwhelmingly beautiful experience of my life to your head admin, to be the one that gave you all this special place to be unapologetically you. and you all have done that, whatever that means for you, you have been the reason that hidden is still here five years later. this place would never be the same without your influence. to whatever member is reading this, please know that i mean that, hidden would be so incredibly different without you as a piece of our history. i know that i sound a little cliché when i say that hidden is my home and yours, that you will always have a home in washington, but i mean it. i have never not meant that. this place is so special, it is a home to those who need it, a place to explore yourselves, to explore your characters, to create these incredible moments in writing, in the chats-- seriously, i cannot imagine a better place with a better group of people. i know i’m sappy, but like, members, i genuinely mean it, that you make this place as good as it is. we are so beyond lucky to have such talent on our dashes, to have such dedicated people writing. the replies that i read every day just blow me away. and that goes for any member-- to those who have been here for ten minutes, or ten months, who have been here since the very beginning, or those who left us, you are all some of the sweetest, most talented writers i have ever met. hidden is the warm and welcoming place because of all of you, because you all look out for each other. it doesn’t matter if you have spoken to someone for two minutes or two years, if you have no canon connections or whatever, you are all so warm and caring about each other. the community you guys create, it’s home. i have never laughed so hard in my life, than with some of the conversation we have had in the discord, i am constantly inspired by your writing on the dash, the development you all can create for your characters, it’s something that should be published for the entire world to see. if i could scream my love for you all from the mountain tops, just for a chance for the world to know how wonderful you are, i would. it’s my yearly duty to swap between tired mom, to proud mom. so please, give me a few moments to absolutely gush about the admin team that helps me stay even remotely sane every day. i’m so deadass when i say that they are some of the best admins in the entire world, the amount of work they put into the group, into all of the decisions that are made-- you only see a fraction of the work that i have the joy of watching in real time, but they really are as good as it gets and i need them to know how thankful i am for them. and friends, you only have to deal with me being this sappy like once a year so, deal, while i highlight all of you xoxo !!! gotta start with a shoutout to the other half of my brain, my right hand man, probably the only reason hidden is still going bc without them i’d have gone insane by now, sunny-- just thank you? like genuinely, sincerely, thank you. for everything. for allowing me to be unapologetically myself, for allowing your dms to be my space to vent, to joke, to dump a million messages, for helping solve every single issue that has come up, for sticking by my side for five full years now, for being such a genuine friend, for being the best dm out there-- like damn you put up with so much bullshit from us how have you not TPK’d us earlier. thank you for being the voice of reason, for being the nice admin, for calming everything when i want to just give up and throw my hands up in the air. i love you, like more than you know, more than i need to say. you’re p cool. ollie, my beloved, please, i’m begging you to use this anniversary to TAKE A BREAK. the fact that you have joined the team, having never been an admin before, and have become one of the best we’ve ever had is so impressive, i forget that you haven’t even been on the team an entire year. you put in so much work, you are the force we lean on (maybe sometimes too much, pls i promise ill make sure you get a break), you dedication to the main is awe inspiring and i cannot express how thankful i am to you for being here. for putting in as much work as you do. for being an admin for less than a year and being our top tag ???? insanity. but really, we would not keep going most days without you ollie, i hope you know it never goes unappreciated. i love you a lot, thank you. seriously. i don’t know if i can say it enough to express how much i mean that. aria, a powerhouse, an icon, the real owner of the brain cell, i seriously don’t think the main would be half as functioning or well researched without you. you somehow, always, end up finding the answers that we need, your knowledge of faceclaims is unmatched and i wanna be you when i grow up. minus the minion love but it’s forgivable today and today alone. your ability to solve so many issues that arise is incredible, and i hope you know how thankful i am for every minute you spend working on the main, answering fc suggestions and everything. also your icons are always the highlight of my day, i hope you know how loved you are, by me. specifically. idc about everyone else, i love you, thank you so much my friend ♥ cherry !! yet another majority shareholder of the team dumbass brain cell. i know i can always count on you to write the best messages to send out to people, to always know how to word things and almost decipher what we’re all trying to say when we’re just yelling. i am always so impressed by you, cherry, you are sincerely one of the most genuine, kindest people i have ever met, and you also know when to put your foot down, how to not take shit, like i really know we can always count on you to be there when we need the support. thank you, for everything, i love you. jodie, the absolute heart of the team, seriously, you are just everyone’s biggest supporter (even when its for the dumbest ideas) and i know you are always ready to throw down if someone is struggling. you are simply the most loving people i have ever gotten the pleasure to know, and i hope, similar to ollie, you take this anniversary to catch a break, and by that i MEAN GO TO BED AT A HUMAN TIME. but seriously, you are the heart of team dumbass and we would not be as close of a team without you and your laughing fits bc you did something you know is gonna get both of us yelled at. i love you so much, thank you. and finally, kasey, who does not wish to be perceived but they don’t get that choice today. the fire in our hearts, and it’s not just a pyro joke. you are the first to spot problems, but always know the solution, to be able to fix an issue before it even becomes one. i am genuinely so proud of you, and everything that you do, you have been so important in helping hidden become what it is today, even if half of it is from us yelling at each other, only to end with everyone yelling at us for being The Worst. i wouldn’t want anyone else to be my partner for our patrol. thank you for always being so incredibly genuine and loving the moment you know someone needs that. i love you so much friend, you know that. now back to bullying all of you because this was too long, too much, but seriously. hidden, you don’t know how lucky you are. i barely even realize how lucky i am sometimes. nothing has been as rewarding as being your head admin. and i love each and every one of you. thank you for allowing me this space, for being the best group of people i have ever met. here to hidden’s 5th year, and every year after that! i love all of you. 

much much love always, admin maig ♥

[hearts4farryn]

July 19, 2023

TW! ed, sa, addiction, basically dead dove don’t eat

After years of an ed, I finally find myself on Tumblr; the HOLY GRAIL of disordered people. You’d think after 3 years of therapy, several hospital trips, and multiple attempts i’d learn my lesson. At this point I think I just like wallowing in my mental illnesses. Once quarantine started, I just went spiraling down a path in the wrong direction. But this year has been the most wild point of my life. It’s funny, a couple weeks ago my step-dad asked me if I had hit rock bottom. His question didn’t sprout from just a few of my life’s mishaps though. My biological dad who lives across the United States sent my and in-depth suicide note through his Gmail; causing me to stress over him for weeks. A few months earlier I had been raped by a man in his 20’s, but he got shot 2 weeks after. Karma’s a bitch when it needs to be. And finally, the cherry on top, my parents and relatives found out my therapist was grooming me. I knew that his sexual advances towards me weren’t necessarily normal, but he has told me countless times I was “one of a kind” and he “thought about me often.” The worst part of him grooming me was people finding out. I could handle that my middle aged therapist (who was actually very cute!) found me attractive and had other plans than me just being a client to him. I didn’t mind it. Being victimized and the stress of taking legal action was a completely different topic. Thank God, my parents decided to stray away from the police. I’ve already had enough encounters with them anyway. Back to my step-dad saying I hit rock bottom, I already knew I hadn’t. Not even a week after he asked, I overdosed on my bedroom floor with Euphoria playing in the background. No fucking joke. This was also not on purpose (surprisingly) and I had been using for a long time before this. My blue leds were on too. My mom found me in my bed; grey-faced, convulsing, while my friend held back tears as she watched death almost swallow me whole. My mom dragged me to the floor, called 911, and started CPR. Mind you I was in a thong and bra during all of this. EMTS eventually arrived at my house and I woke up to lights flashing in my eyes and realizing everyone there has seen me half naked. I cried in the ambulance and apologized to the officer beside me countless times. To be honest, he was probably getting pissed and how much i was whining and the amount of “I’m so sorrys” i was throwing out there. If anyone out there has experienced addiction and thought, “oh! there’s no way that’ll happen to me! i know what i’m doing.” There is always a way. ALWAYS. Especially with hard shit. I’ve been sober since then and hope to continue, but i still haven’t processed it fully. Instead of realizing it was a very serious situation, I just giggle at the thought of it and move on. Anyways, all this crazy shit has sprouted into my life after my first heartbreak. I had been cheated on after I poured everything into a relationship. At the same time, what did I expect out of a teenage boy? I won’t go too in depth about that, it’s always the same story for everyone. Now Im about 2000 miles from home, with my childhood best friends. It’s a nice and quiet break from everything. I just kind of relive the same day and don’t have to worry about being around my triggers. These 3 weeks have been the easiest weeks to get clean. I just hope i stay clean, i honestly never know. Without a therapist, I’m just going to have to figure shit out on my own and hope I’m doing life right. This year I’ll be going into my sophomore year of high school, and I kind of can’t wait for summer to be over. But first I need to be skinny!! I want to be sickly. That’s just kind of what I’m relying on to cope right now. If anyone needs to rant in my dms they are always welcome, I am here for this community! I get it. This is my first update here, I’m not sure if anyone will read it but hi if u do! Thank you for listening!

xoxo

farryn

[twdmusicboxmystery]

To the anon who asked about Norman and Emily being a thing at some point... I'm a bethyl/td veteran lol and also a fan of Emily herself so I was active in the fandom when this whole thing unraveled. I'd say the romance speculation started when Emily posted that selfie of the two of them fake "kissing" with Norman's hand covering their mouths (sept 2013, it's still up on Emily's IG btw). I'm not sure what month they broke up, but Norman was dating a model back then according to Google. I also found some gossip articles about rumors of them dating and going out together posted on 2015 (DailyMail, TMZ, so not very reliable sources). Then, of course, we got the famous bts photo from Still of them hugging that got the fandom wild and adds to the romantic undertone in cons and interviews you mentioned. Personally, I also believe all their lovey dovey public interactions were PR for TWD/Bethyl. IIRC fans noticed things got weird between them around the time Norman confirmed his relationship with Diane and their interactions on Instagram got sorta strange, like maybe Norman would like or comment on Emily's pictures and she wouldn't reply. At some point she unfollowed him as well, and followed him back again not so long ago. This fueled the breakup/bitterness speculations and also led some people to believe Emily got axed from the show because of this falling out (which is ridiculous and makes no sense lmao). In 2018 Emily released her album "Oh, Jonathan" and in it are a few songs that some fans believe to be about him and their possible fling like "Drunk and Lost" and "Soda Glass". In them, Emily sings about an on/off, no strings attached, crushing sort of relationship with someone. Although it's evident that she references at least two different relationships in that album, so who knows. In the end, it's all gossip. And, if we were to believe they indeed had a thing going on, these breadcrumbs point to nothing more than a very casual relationship a long time ago and it's probably all good and forgiven, so it wouldn't interfere with them working together again in the TWDU.

Thanks so much for this. I wouldn't have remembered all of this details. It's fun to re-read about it. Here are some of the pics mentioned:

Xoxo! 🍁🍂💕

[the-arctic-beatles]

The Tiniest of Sparks Came Into View [and then, you gave me hope again.] [2/?] [Buddie]

Title: The Tiniest of Sparks Came Into View [and then, you gave me hope again.]

Pairing: Eventual Buddie

Rating: T/T+

Genre: Romance/Angst [TW: Domestic Violence, Blood, Injuries]

Words: 1914

Prompt/Summary: Trying again was hard. Maybe others made it just a little bit easier.

Author’s Note: The TWs come more into play here, so again, please stay safe and keep your mental health in mind. I love you! xoxo -X

Edit: Also, if you’d like to prompt me, please send me a message on here or my ao3! You’ll find me on ao3 here!

--

Buck had forgotten multiple times what true happiness was. Each time he thought he’d found it, it’d been ripped away from him, like an old doll from a child. He’d felt his heart get ripped apart again and again; each time getting harder to repair.

When he met Ian, he felt as if he’d finally figured out the key to his happiness.

Their meeting had been love at first sight, or it had been to Buck. Ian had won him over with a charming smile and smooth words that had found ways to repair the damage to his heartstrings. It had started by exchanging phone numbers and grew into a first date. The first date evolved into a second, then a third, before Buck blatantly stated that he was in love.

Buck had really hoped Ian had felt the same. The butterflies that had filled his stomach whenever Ian smiled, how Ian’s words were like a symphony to his ears… It was too much to handle in the best way. Once Ian admitted that he, too, had feelings for Buck, the blond felt like he was walking on air.

Unfortunately, like all good things in his life, Buck never expected it to last.

Most described their downfalls as a staircase. Buck would describe Ian’s descent like a rollercoaster. One slight tip, and everything would come crashing down.

For the first month of their relationship, nothing between them had changed. Ian still courted Buck, and Buck absorbed every loving moment like a sponge. Ian still charmed Buck with his loving smile and warm embrace, and Buck was still smitten. Then, one day, Ian yelled at him for the first time. Buck couldn’t remember what it was about, but he’d apologized profusely for whatever it was. He didn’t want to lose him. Didn’t want to lose this. He felt a pit growing in his stomach.

Things were only going to get worse, weren’t they?

Their first fight had been forever engraved in Buck’s brain. After a grueling 24-hour shift, where Bobby had decided to take the team out for breakfast, he’d come home to an angry boyfriend demanding to know why he hadn’t called. Buck had tried to explain that he didn’t think to call while having breakfast with his team after work, but Ian refused to listen. The enraged male had screamed every profanity Buck knew – and a few he didn’t – and Buck just… took it. Nodded at Ian when he was insulted.

Though the gesture was meant as one of agreement, Ian had taken it as mockery, and his reaction was to throw a water glass – which had been resting on the counter beside him – at the wall beside Buck’s head. Though the glass didn’t hit him, the shock was real. The man who had proclaimed his love for him, who had said he’d do anything to protect him, had just gotten physically aggressive.

Buck had to bite back a sob when the realization had hit; he couldn’t stay. As he turned away and grabbed the doorknob, a hand fell to his shoulder. It wasn’t filled with the aggression that had been portrayed moments ago, but soft and tender, like the Ian he’d fallen in love with. Before Buck could say anything or even turn around, apologies spilled out of Ian’s mouth like a waterfall. Murmurs of “I’m so sorry”, “Don’t leave me”, and “I’ll never do it again, I promise” had crashed into Buck like a tidal wave.

Could Ian be trusted again? Even though the red flags were waving frantically in front of him, Buck went against his better judgement and accepted the apology.

For a fleeting period after the fight, their relationship had regressed back to the beginning states. Ian was showering him with love, affection, and gifts, and Buck felt like he was on top of the world. Soon enough, however, he found himself back where he was before, and he felt trapped. Buck should have known that things would never change.

He should have known that he’d never truly be allowed to be happy.

--

Buck stretched as he hopped off the ladder truck, ready to head home after what he hoped was his last call of a 12-hour shift. “I’m beat,” he said to Eddie, nudging his friend in the ribs. “I can’t wait for my two days off. I could nap for 48 hours right now.”

“But you won’t. You owe Christopher a movie night.” Eddie grinned. “He’s been looking forward to it for days.”

“As if I’d ever let my favorite Diaz down.” Buck pulled out his phone, glancing at his missed calls. 10 missed calls from Ian. He had to realize I was on a call at some point, right?

“You all right, Buck?” At some point, Eddie had ended up behind him. “You got quiet.”

Buck held back a jump and nodded, offering a smile. “Yeah, just reading something and got lost for a sec. You know how it goes.”

“Oh, that you get lost in that thick skull of yours? Absolutely.”

The blond swatted at his best friend, laughing as he ran off into the locker room. Once he was alone, he let himself think about what the night would bring. Would Ian be angry that he was away from his phone for so long? What would Ian do if he just went to his loft instead of going to Ian’s place tonight?

Buck shook his head. He couldn’t do that. He had to go see Ian. He sent a half-assed text saying he was on his way and got changed quickly, promising himself he’d shower once he got back home. If anyone saw what was under his clothes…

“All of that smoke smell and you’re not even going to rinse off?” Chim popped up behind him, nearly causing him to have a heart attack. “You’re brave, risking your Jeep like that.”

“I just want to get home. My shower’s better anyway.” Buck forced himself to yawn. “If you wanna see my dick, just ask next time.” The blond winked.

Chimney threw his hands up over his face. “Ew, Buck, no. I don’t- gross.”

“You’re just jealous.” Buck threw his bag over his shoulder. “G’night, see you tomorrow.”

“Night, dumbass.”

--

Ian’s small house was dark, save for one light in the living room, when Buck arrived. He took a deep breath. Not always a bad sign that he was still up, but it was late, and the missed calls had him nervous. As a safety measure, Buck left his keys on the floor of his Jeep and his bag in his car. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen once he walked through that door.

Slowly and carefully, he opened the door, holding his breath. He thought he was in the clear until he heard a sharp “Evan!” from the sofa. It faced away from the door – Buck couldn’t see Ian’s face, but from the sound of his voice, it was likely filled with rage.

“Uh… hi, Ian.” He closed the door, the ‘click’ sound echoing through his head. “I’m- I’m home from work.”

“I can see that, Evan.” Ian rose from his spot. His face was slightly pink with agitation. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?

Buck raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? That’s what your mad about? I’m a firefighter, Ian. I don’t exactly have a normal schedule. I was on a call.”

“That’s not an excuse-”

“No, it’s not. It’s a reason, and a damn valid one! I can’t answer my phone on a call!”

Buck felt the fight exit him when Ian marched over and reared back, punching him in the stomach. “Don’t talk back to me!” he hissed. “You answer my calls whenever I call you! I don’t care what you’re doing!”

“Look… I’m sorry…” Buck wheezed, holding his stomach. “I just… I can’t answer the phone when I’m-”

“I said no excuses!” Ian kicked Buck in the chest, knocking him over and stepping on his chest. “I’ve done nothing but love you and you can’t even be there for me?! How dare you!”

The blond raked his hands over Ian’s leg. “P-please.” He coughed. “Please s-stop.”

The other male spat, forcing his leg away from Buck’s hands and kicking him in the side. “No wonder no one else loved you. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be all alone. You should be grateful for me!”

“I…”

“You disgust me. Get out! I don’t want to see you tonight!”

The blond struggled to his knees, his blue eyes filling with tears. “I-Ian, please…”

“I said ‘get out’!”

--

Buck’s ribs felt like they were on fire as he entered his loft – luckily, he was sure they were only bruised. It didn’t make him feel any better as he made his way up to his bed, managing only to strip himself of his pants before collapsing into his mattress, silent tears leaking down his face.

I didn’t do anything wrong.

Did I do something wrong?

I must’ve done something wrong.

I’m worthless.

The thoughts swirled around in his head as he laid there, torturing his soul. He let out a choked sob and curled into a ball, ignoring the dull pain radiating through his ribcage. Ian was right. No one else will love me. I should be grateful he puts up with me. All I needed to do was answer his call…

He pulled his phone out of his hoodie pocket, grateful he hadn’t taken it off yet. He should call Ian and apologize; maybe he could go back. Buck unlocked his phone, scrolling through his contacts, and found himself stopping at a familiar face.

Eddie.

He and Eddie talked about everything. Eddie wouldn’t judge him.

Would he?

Buck hadn’t even noticed he’d hit the call button; instead, he continued to whimper. He only noticed Eddie was on the line when he heard “-van, can you hear me? Are you okay?”

Shit. He’d woken his best friend. He really was a terrible person.

“…sorry, Eds. I didn’t mean to call you.” He coughed when pain flared in his chest. “S-sorry when I woke you.”

He hung up before he could hang onto the whisps of Eddie’s voice and curled up around his phone, letting his tears lull himself to sleep.

--

Eddie seemed to buy Buck’s excuse; even if he didn’t, he wasn’t asking Buck anymore questions. That was good enough for him.

Ian had messaged him twelve times since he’d gotten to work, but Buck hadn’t bothered to read them. He didn’t want to see if he was sending vile things to him or not; he’d rather wait it out.

At least his ribs weren’t as bad this morning.

The first few calls were run-of-the-mill; a cat in a tree, a first alarm fire, and an old man falling through a set of stairs. Luckily, the calls ended well, leaving Buck in a better mood than earlier and the team in good spirits.

“Grouchy old people are the best,” Eddie proclaimed as he jogged to catch up to Buck. “Dude’s halfway into his basement and all he can do is complain about how he has to pay to fix is stairs.”

Buck chuckled. “Wood’s expensive. To be fair, I’d complain about it, too.”

“I’d be more worried about the broken pelvis than my home repair costs.” Eddie gave Buck a friendly fist-bump to his chest.

Suddenly, white stars appeared behind his eyes, and he fell to his knees.  “Buck!”

[wishbowl]

i feel like this was important to share

I know i should write because i feel really productive about the future as of late and i know burn out is probably going to be just around the corner if i dont keep writing. So heres me doing that.

Its officially the day after my birthday [the real one] and i feel like there should be something i have to say for it but i really got nothing.

Instead lets talk about boys. So ive been going out to social gatherings [this is so fucking formal i dont know how to stop myself from sounding this way] and because of that ive been meeting people and people also include boys which is basically half the people ive been meeting. Because of this ive also added a few boys into my finsta just because thats secretly but not so secretly also my main. 

I dont know if i have a crush on this one guy or if he just looks good but weve been friends sorta in high school just because our people kinda overlapped but honestly back then i didnt like him as much but as hes gotten older he has also matured in a way where his annoying personality stayed while he became less of a cunt. 

And theres this other guy who ive ran into and i literally couldnt make eye contact with the entire time and one spoke two sentences since i was so flabbergasted. See the last time weve met which was a few months back, i had told his sister [who is my friend] that i had a crush on him in high school. And the thing is while that is true i also never really got over those feelings and when i told her she said her mum had thought that the entire time but she told her i was a lesbian so just on that alone i feel like she definitely told her mum which means he definitely knows and that thought alone was what kept me stupidly glitching the entire night.

Oh and theres this new guy who is actually not a new guy it just also fucking suprisingly happens to be a boy i had a crush on in high school but he was a few years older and he was way too cool. But hey if anything little me had great taste in my taste since all of these guys only seemed to have gotten better over time lol. I feel like he is dating someone or he definitely was but that was again in high school which was a million years ago. I wanted to get his socials but he had gone somewhere and i couldnt be fucked waiting. But lest we meet again eyesspose.

I feel like i should have clarified all of those guys that were previously mentioned i do not want a relationship with lmao IF FUTURE ME THOUGHT THAT GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER  SUCK MY HEAD.

Now do i want to fuck them? The second one is out of the question but i guess that still counts as an overall yes. But do i think they would be a good fuck? Yes, yes i do… Which is maybe why they should just stay in my thoughts since then i can live in that fantasy and not let the real thing ruin that image. That would be annoying for me and my vibrator to have to regroup while i find a new person to replace. 

I will say the first guy, i do gotta watch out for him because with the right things he could totally have me falling for him. Which is insane and dangerous. DANGEROUS.

But i did not realise simply leaving the house could do that to someone. You meet new people and remeet old people. Peopling can be hard but it can be a great look book to look back on right after if you play your cards just right. And by that i definitely mean be on drugs the entire time so you are god and everyone is like in love with you.

Speaking of I am currently on drugs but is weed a drug, its like, is a square really a rectangle?

xoxo

[adamgant]

Friday Faves 12.1 and Arkansas fun

Friday Faves 12.1 and Arkansas fun https://ift.tt/Px0g4Mw Hi friends! Happy Friday! How was the week? I hope you’ve had a great one. Ours went by quickly — part of it was spent in Arkansas and then we flew back home to Tucson. We had a wonderful time with family and enjoyed so many fun adventures. Some highlights: the alligator farm was a HUGE hit a beautiful hike, strolling around and shopping in Hot Springs, the Christmas lights at Garvan Woodland Gardens, and lunch at The Root. (gf chicken salad sandwich, salad, and sweet potato fries. 10/10) What do you have going on this weekend? It’s the squadron Christmas party and we’re going to get our Christmas tree. After being team fake tree for so many years, we switched to real a few years ago and I don’t see myself going back. They smell AMAZING. It’s time for the weekly Friday Faves party! This is where I share some of my favorite finds from the week and around the web. I always love to hear about your faves, too, so please shout out something you’re loving in the comments section below. Friday Faves 12.1 and Arkansas fun November faves! It’s always fun to look back through analytics and see which products you’ve enjoyed the most that I’ve shared here on the blog. November is especially fun with gift guides (I have more coming next week!) and here are the bestsellers from this past month: The sauna blanket! I was so pumped to see how many of you added this to your collection this month! You can still use FITNESSISTA20 for 20% off here These cute joggers Everyday Chelsea boots This swimsuit that I bought years ago and still love The best half-zip  An amazing gift for any pet lover The gift that will make any little kid’s whole year Still my favorite leggings  A perfect stocking stuffer for your husband or partner A Barbie dream house This kids’ ruffle sweatshirt Read, watch, listen: Loving this audiobook so far, especially since I’ve been into rewatching old Friends episodes. It’s sad and comforting to hear his voice, and it was a loss this year that hit me pretty hard. I watched Falling for Christmas on Netflix while wrapping gifts – trying to get everything done early – and I have to admit… it was great. Check out this week’s podcast episode here!  Fitness + good eats: 15 festive holiday cocktail recipes. You have to try these crunchy almond butter truffles. Our favorite holiday recipes! 30 on, 30 off HIIT with weights Fashion + beauty: Love this Madewell dress (on sale right now) How cute are these ballerina flats? Kind of into the fact that bootcut jeans are back. Happy Friday, friends! What are you loving this week? Any fun Cyber Monday or Black Friday purchases that have been arriving? xoxo Gina WINNERS: Congrats to the winner of our Beautycounter giveaway: Traci and to the winners of the Amazon $500 gift card giveaway! @joyfuldesi19 @beachmom757 *Stay tuned for Favorite Things on Monday 🙂 The post Friday Faves 12.1 and Arkansas fun appeared first on The Fitnessista. via The Fitnessista https://ift.tt/zStj56B December 01, 2023 at 12:00PM