#still making walls of fucking TEXT FUCK

[abhorrenttheorizer]

PART 1 OF ???

Special thanks to my dear interwebz buddy, @skullmalice, for helping me out with the naming and biology of these little muppets!

Long post/textwalling warning.

Well fellas, you know what they say:

Another day, another downward spiral.

Lately I have been on a bit of a nostalgia kick, looking at some of the things I've been into as a child, and speaking to other people that have been spelunking in the same caves, per se. I met a friend who showed me a piece of my childhood that I had almost completely forgotten. Like a wild animal being reintroduced to its natural habitat, I have been all over this shit, reliving everything I once did as a young maggot. Since that fateful reintroduction, that childhood memory has since become one of the most dangerous hyperfixations I have possibly ever had. /j

Said childhood memory? The Mr. Men and Little Miss franchise. More specifically, The Mr. Men Show, because I am early 2000s old school All American™ zoomer scum. (besides that, the only other thing about the franchise I remember is reading some of the books in 1st grade)

So because I got that dawg in me (read: autism), my naturally inquisitive nature leads me to territories that I should never have even considered for the sake of my own sanity.

Namely one question that's been chewing at the few neurons I have:

Just what the hell even are these things, anyway?

I know the canonical answer. They're stylized, abstract humans. But that's not satisfactory.

Call me a stubborn mule, but you simply cannot convince me that a pill, circle, bean, or rectangle shaped technicolor abomination is in any way, shape, or form, a human being.

Not happening.

Especially not when (at least in every version but the 2000s one) these things have been shown next to and interacting with actual humans on multiple occasions.

These fucking things look like muppets, so I will make them muppets.

It has to happen.

Being the fiend for speculative biology that I am, I simply had to pounce on this opportunity, and promptly tear it a new asshole.

With that being said, Mr. Men speculative biology? Mr. Men speculative biology.

The funny little shape people we all know and love belong to a species of chionophilic, semiaquatic, faerie-like pseudomammalians.

The figure on the far left, is a frog. More specifically a common rain frog (Breviceps adspersus)

reference source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breviceps_adspersus#/media/File:Breviceps-adspersus-adspersus.jpg (forgive me, this is literally, and I don't use that word lightly, the first time I have ever drawn a frog)

The figure in the middle, is a hamster. More specifically a Syrian hamster (Mesocricetus auratus)

reference source: https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/cute-funny-syrian-hamster-gm1019886932-274048800

The figure on the far right, is a frog's sad attempt at being a hamster's sad attempt at being a human. (Mirabilis phasmafigura)

One of the main things that separate Mirabils from other animals they may be morphologically similar to is their bright, vibrant pelage. Unlike animals that utilize certain structures within hairs, scales, or feathers, Mirabils have genuine green, blue, and purple pigments. But why is this? Such unnatural coloration doesn't work well when you're a small cotton ball in a big world of both predators and prey, that is, unless you're an aposematic species.

Mirabils exhibit vibrant fur colors with genuine rare pigments for the purpose of warning potential predators that they are exceptionally poisonous. And venomous. At the same time.

The inside of the Mirabil's mouth also displays a high amount of contrast, a black inner mouth with a vibrant, pink, hot pink or red tongue.

As shown by the image above, there are multiple different ways for mirabils to assert to potential predators that they are not to be reckoned with.

The "Poisonous" warning (as modeled by Mr. Nervous, on the left), involves arching the back, raising the tail either straight up or curling it over the back (if it is long enough), and exposing the front and hind claws (unless they've got kicks on). All parts of the Mirabil are exasperatingly poisonous, so even accidentally sharing food with or ingesting a few hairs from one can and will lead to a 20 minute lifespan with no hope for any antidotes that would work.

The "Venomous" warning (as modeled by Little Miss Bossy, on the right), involves standing straight or with the front end lowered (preparing to strike), spitting their toxic saliva (Unlike with venomous snakes, the venom glands on a mirabil are their salivary glands, so their saliva normally adopts a greenish-yellowish tint (it's not bad hygiene, it's neurotoxins!), and baring the teeth. Mirabils are capable of opening their jaws up to 90 degrees. Similarly to snakes, the bottom jaw is loosely attached by soft ligaments, which aids them in getting a good hold on either potential predators, prey items larger than themselves, or on rivals for mates (they're immune to their own venom, but the pain of being envenomated for a mirabil is similar to that of a yellow jacket sting). Their venom is just as powerful as their poison, and if bitten the lifespan also shortens to about 20 minutes. Also no antidote for magic hellvenom lol.

It is hypothesized that specimens of M. phasmafigura were first discovered in the late 10th century by populations in Northern Europe/Asia, and the far south of South America respectively. Since then, they were first hunted for their luxuriously soft, silky, colorful pelts, then promptly domesticated and assimilated into human society.

Mirabil domestication has a very complicated history, especially with the fact that they as a species were always, and still are in affiliation with wizards, witches, and other alchemists (though usually unwilling on the Mirabil's terms). They were first utilized as hunting and fishing companions, then taken by wizards as servants and laborers (due to their small, nimble hands, swift movements, and magic properties ofc), then as pet-like companions by both wizards and the general populace, and finally as their own independent, sovereign "people" between the late 1970s to early 1980s.

While the species is currently global, existing in many different cultures, elevations, and climates, the natal habitats of the mirabil lie in freshwater polar regions across the world. When freshwater is not available, Mirabils prefer coastal regions where they can hunt in the open sea, but these sorts of populations are relatively uncommon. Populations living in the Southern Hemisphere generally prefer to stay near freshwater regions in the far south of South America, and South Africa, though there are several populations of Mirabils in Antarctica.

Despite the wide birth of location between Arctic and Antarctic populations, Mirabils have highly variable appearances, and are extremely difficult to categorize into any specific groups besides certain trends in sexual dimprohism, though even those contain many traits that are highly variable, and thus difficult to determine.

Similarly to other animals such as the puma, Mirabils have many names based on the regions they are native to.

Some of the names this species has received in it's respective locations are as follows:

BRITISH ISLES - Dillies (for their somewhat immature, "dilly-dallying" nature)

NORTHEASTERN EUROPE/EURASIA - Poumpoffs (puffy creatures)

NORTHWESTERN EUROPE - Eba (onomatopoeic for the paternal calls of most males)

SOUTH AMERICA - Mirabils (for their magical properties)

SOUTH AFRICA - Sagtmense (literally "soft people")

While some gravesites in their native range contain Mirabil bones, or Mirabils buried with human owners/companions, their skeletal and bodily structures have not differed from prior "feral" forms. This is mostly due to the species as a whole actively resisting human advancement in terms of domestication, meaning they have kept almost all of their wild traits.

My lawyer has advised me not to tell you how these things reproduce, so I won't.

Not on Tumblr, anyway. /wink

But that doesn't mean I can't show you what these hellspawn look like as babbies, and how they develop.

Mirabils are an ovoviviparous, holometabolous species, meaning they lay eggs that hatch inside the body, and go through complete metamorphosis with a larval and pupal stage.

The lifespan of the larval mirabil is as follows:

Unfertilized egg

Fertilized egg

Embryo

Mature egg (Eggs hatch within the body anywhere between 6 and 4 months before the larva are born. The growth process of larva quickly damages the egg membrane and splits it open, freeing the young inside.)

Newborn (They have no limbs and a very underdeveloped notochord, so physically they're basically a kitten-maggot. They're completely blind (eyes covered in skin, with just a barely noticeable fold to where the eyelid would separate), but not deaf (though the ear isn't developed, and is still covered over with skin.). They will respond to auditory input by writhing in the direction of sounds they are familiar with, but are unable to produce any noise themselves, besides forcing air out of the nostrils to "squeak" if they are disturbed.

Oral anatomy of the baby mirabil (As well as having no limbs or bones besides the skull, mirabil larva are jawless. The mouth is designed to form a seal while feeding. Larva will stop suckling to breathe, but they will remain attached for several years).

5 year old infant. As the mirabil reaches around 5 years, they will detach and their mouth will start to seal itself shut, leaving only a small hole for wax to exit from as it prepares for pupation. Before the mouth completely seals itself shut, they may swallow liquified regurgitated materials, usually of heavily chewed plant or fungal matter brok the parents. Once the mouth is completely unuseable, what they have eaten as their "final meal" will repeatedly cycle back and forth from what would be the end of the digestive system, similar to chewing cud except there's no chewing and it's far nastier. Mirabil larva from birth to pupation are unable to defecate, the divet on their rear ends is meant to produce a glue-like substance so they can properly anchor themselves while feeding so they don't dangle, so the stored milk and regurgitated matter that remains in the body will ferment, getting pushed back into the esophagus to be cycled again and again until pupation occurs and the entire internal body digests itself.

Mature infant of 9 years, just about to pupate. The mouth is completely sealed shut, and the salivary glands are modified to produce a brown, waxy substance that the pup envelopes themself in prior to pupation. Eyelids are more developed, but still completely sealed shut until pupation is complete.

Completed cocoon of the baby mirabil. Pupation takes an extra 9 months as the infant produces extra bones, a completed digestive system, and extra organs they did not previously have.

What finally emerges after 9 long months of gross shit, is a variably-sized cotton ball with legs and a face.

Mature babies emerge from their cocoons when they're about 10 years old (our human equivalent to a newborn). Their eyes are open, and they are somewhat mobile, able to shuffle around on their stubby legs and "sit" upright. They don't have any teeth, instead clawing their way out of the cocoon, and will continue to suckle until they are weaned at about 11 years old. Mirabil aging is around 10 years behind their human equivalent (a 21 year old human and a 21 year old mirabil are not the same, the latter is developmentally on par with a human 11 year old).

Their lifespans are also quite long, with an average lifespan of 210.5 years for females and 215.5 years for males.

Baby mirabils will begin to develop a personality and thus recieve their titular names once they are able to move around more independently. Names for physical characteristics are usually given immediately after the baby leaves the cocoon. When named for a personality trait, the most emotionally significant (or lack thereof) moment in a mirabil's life that occurs before they are able to walk upright becomes their strongest personality trait, and thus their name.

Not all Mirabil larvae are a solid white, however. Some larvae have slight indicators as to how they will look like in adulthood, though some indicators of traits present in adulthood do not present themselves until after pupation.

Such indicators include:

Nasal spotting (for Mirabils with noses that are different to the base fur color, their larval forms will almost always have a colored nose with a ring of differently colored fur surrounding it. The bottom larva in figure 2 and the yellow pup in figure 4 are the same, with the larval form indicating that the pupated, and finally adult form will be a yellow individual with a purple nose.)

Brow spots (This indicator does not show itself until after pupation. The pup in figure 3 has dark spots above the eyes that, after puberty will form a bar or 'unibrow' in adulthood.)

Dipsticking (This indicator also does not show itself until after pupation. Dipsticking in Mirabil pups, like the individual in figure 5 have a spot of differently colored fur on the tip or most of the tail. This implies that the pup will grow up to have "hair", or a differently colored mane and tail from the rest of the body. In this case, this individual will grow to have a mane and tail that are a dark purple in color.)

And so that concludes my first of probably several Mr. Men specbio posts.

Uhhhh ermmmm thanks for reading i guess 😳

[silusvesuius]

n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.

[lovesickeros]

This is a little out of the blue, but I genuinely really enjoy hearing your tsaritsa lore and character breakdowns. She's hasn't been someone I'm terribly invested in getting to know as a character, but reading your thoughts on her has really piqued my interest. I've never considered what being the goddess of love could mean I guess

Anyway, all this to say I've been really enjoying your tsaritsa/fatui hype :) it's contagious

THIS IS SO GOOD TO HEAR i love going into deep dive breakdowns of characters especially ones who don't really have a lot of content, because it provides wiggle room for a lot of interpretations. not that i can blame you for not being too invested in her, considering we've never actually seen her, and only hear about from a few sources (venti, who doens't really say much, and childe + arle who also technically dont say much in the grand scheme of things but understanding their characters to see how it changes their view of the tsaritsa and where it overlaps is a good chunk of it)

so its my job to do what hoyo doesn't and hype the hell out of her /j. ive been writing her since i joined sagau around when it first started snowballing into popularity i dont think i could leave if i tried

[no1ryomafan]

Having to refrain from writing giant text walls even though that’s just my tumblr at this point but my brain is rotating at the speed of light because my friends and I dug up the original concept pitch for Getter: It was going to be about three cyborgs who merge to become the robot, it was meant to be a toku due to the kamen rider boom but it took inspiration from shit like gatchaman AND the cyborg factor was possibly ripped from CASSHAN-

All my interests are fucking interconnected and even though this isn’t the getter we got this is SCARILY similar to my crossover fic in some ways. I’m just psychic ig😭😭

[trashcandroid]

Apparently my mom shares trans memes on her facebook, which is… cool I guess? But she also still posts old pictures of me all the time

[aropride]

one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????

[dykebeckett]

:\

[lynxalon]

me when i'm tired and hurting and scared and angry and no one is coming to help me and i don't say that to be negative or guilt anyone who might see this vent i say it as a fact because no one is going to help i have to help myself and i don't want to i don't want to help myself i want to lean on someone for once without being taken advantage of and i want to talk about my anger and express it and get it out in a healthy manner and i want to talk about how scared i am how my health terrifies me and i don't really know what's going on and i know my body to the best extent i can i and i have worked endlessly trying to conserve energy so i can do basic tasks like dishes and bathing myself and i have been working so fucking hard to fight the internalized ableism in me that screams that everything shouldn't be this hard and i should just Be Able to do these things and i don't have anything to actually fight these thoughts! because i don't actually know what's wrong and i have tried for the past three years. three fucking years. to make this one appointment. just one. to talk to a different professional and tell them i need help i and living less than half my life and i can't take it most days i can't take this cycle of deteriorating physical health into deteriorating mental health and round and round. i'm exhausted. i can't do the things i enjoy. i work so hard to try to do them occasionally. and i work hard to try and appreciate and enjoy it. and it's just hard.

i just want to vent tonight. i'm stressed. we've been having small bug problems lately. and then there's the waterlogged part of the carpet where we don't know where the water is coming from. and tonight i saw what might have been a roach and. i grew up between my mom and aunts place, and my aunts was beyond covered with bugs. at night it was horrifying and finding a place to sleep sucked ass. so it just. fucking triggered me, and i'm so tired and hurting but i pulled out appliances and things and sprayed down bugs and spots i've seen them in and. so i sat down and i was already overwhelmed and i couldn't find the remote so i could put something on and relax. and i did find it. but i just had to sit and work on breathing and cry a bit. i'm home all the time and i constantly am thinking about this. i'm so stressed about it. OH and it was made sooooo much worse because for the first time i saw one in our room. and. that nearly sent me into a panic attack. we have been so strict with having no food or anything like that in the bedroom. and it didn't do anything. there was still a bug. where there's one, there's so many more. i am. going to try and fucking relax.

[falinscloaca]

theres like, two levels of “playersexual”.

the first is the authors making all the romance options bi, which. like technically it can often stem from the same mechanical reasoning as “true” playersexuality (omfg im gatekeeping?????), that its easier, more efficient, or more equitable to just have all the options available to any character setup. in that sense theyre absolutely taxonomically related, but from a semantic and ethical point of view it seems kinda dogshit to reduce textually bi (one way or another, theres a lotta ways to do that) people to a mere practical development choice? like dude i think that characters just bisexual its kinda fucking wierd to frame his ability to be attracted to [character in context thats not the pc’s gender] and also romance the player character as some sort of “lazy writing shortcut”.

the second is far more nebulous as it exists more in what is LACKING than what is there. the anomalous ‘real’ “oh actually this was just a studio being either programming/writing lazy or like. genuinely just bizzare on a spiritual level”. skyrim romance is roughly egalitarian in implementation but there is effectively 0 external queers aside from two dead guys on an island and Possibly this one vampire from the morthal quest who seems like shes grooming a child? its a world absent of same-gender relationships but incapable of recognizing the player as anything extraordinary in that respect. romanceable npcs showing attraction to other npcs is rare in general, even, though going back over it in my head my initial presumption of it being completely absent is verifiably false. i think. ANYWAYS this theoretically would also include characters whose textual sexuality CHANGES to match the player character, which -discounting allowances for potential watsonian mischaracterization (i.e. a character being labeled gay by an unreliable commentator in a save in which they end up in a same-gender relationship, and other such things) can show up in really weird ways like ok in stardew valley i’m not actually saying Leah’s ORIENTATION necessarily changes but her ex’s gender specifically changing to match the player is SO FUCKING WIERD WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. LIKE WHAT IS THAT EVEN IMPLYING?! WHUH?!!?

[catboy-autism]

what if i was EMOTIONAL

[martyrbat]

hm....

[feralattentionwhore]

Brain lovingly reminded me that the reality is I'm probably not going to be able to be with the gf for years and might never actually live together and I'll never get the one thing I want in life eventhough I'm so close to getting it and now my heart hurts. And I don't even know what to do because if I talk about it with them n they say it too I think it'll kill me.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[omotelie]

WHERE’S MY FUKING CAPO

[othercrossee]

[nkogneatho]

𝑶𝑯 𝑴𝒀 𝑩𝑰𝑮 𝑩𝑨𝑩𝒀 !!

— old bf!toji x young gf!reader

i think toji with a girlfriend that is so much younger than him is so adorable.

before you, he was just a man with a small room that is always so messy because he is rarely home. but, the room feels so much like home now that you have entered his life. he's never bothered to decorate or do anything. his heart flutters when he finds several photoframes hanging on the wall. one of you and him, a few of just his and a lot of megumi.

toji has never in his life ever clicked a selfie. he is not photogenic at all. so when you poke him to click one with you, he's not sure what to do in front of a camera. you tell him to just be himself and he is still confused. you lift the phone and make a peace sign with your hand, your teeth peeking out as your lips curve in a smile. you click it quickly and scan the photo. it is cute. you put a heart emoji with a wink one and upload it on your instagram. soon, your phone is buzzing with notifications. you open them and giggle. toji is so curious so he peeks and finds people calling him "the rock". He snatches the phone to scan the selfie you took earlier. you look so adorable with your cute little peace sign and smile and there he was beside you with a brow raised looking angry. "delete that shit right now," he orders. "are you kidding me? this is gold. it's going on the wall." he can't help but grin at how you find such silly things funny.

toji who is getting used to texting and wants to be even closer to you so he tries to learn some slangs. you are out with your friends when your phone chimes. you unlock it to see the text from toji.

toji: kys

you almost spit out the coffee you were enjoying. what the fuck is he on? what happened? you immediately call him.

"hello," his voice raspy.

"tojii! why the fuck would you say something like that to me?"

"what are you talking about?"

"the text you just sent me. why did you send that?"

"because i care for you, doll." you were even more confused now.

"you told me to kill myself because you care for me?"

"kill yourself? who said that? i sent K.Y.S." he spelled each letter out loud. "it means keep yourself safe." it takes you a few seconds to absorb and then you burst out laughing. he is not sure what is so funny.

"oh my poor big baby. kys means kill yourself."

oh. OH.

"i—i am so fucking sorry, princess. i was just—"

"you are so adorable. when i come home, i need to go through your google search history to know what other slangs you learnt." he is so embarrassed, he bites his lower lip. but he is also feeling so warm and fuzzy because you called him adorable. who would call a man in his late 30s adorable? well, you did. and he is so happy about that. happier that he met you.