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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 month

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“Disenshittify or Die”

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I'm coming to BURNING MAN! On TUESDAY (Aug 27) at 1PM, I'm giving a talk called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE!" at PALENQUE NORTE (7&E). On WEDNESDAY (Aug 28) at NOON, I'm doing a "Talking Caterpillar" Q&A at LIMINAL LABS (830&C).

Last weekend, I traveled to Las Vegas for Defcon 32, where I had the immense privilege of giving a solo talk on Track 1, entitled "Disenshittify or die! How hackers can seize the means of computation and build a new, good internet that is hardened against our asshole bosses' insatiable horniness for enshittification":

https://info.defcon.org/event/?id=54861

This was a followup to last year's talk, "An Audacious Plan to Halt the Internet's Enshittification," a talk that kicked off a lot of international interest in my analysis of platform decay ("enshittification"):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rimtaSgGz_4

The Defcon organizers have earned a restful week or two, and that means that the video of my talk hasn't yet been posted to Defcon's Youtube channel, so in the meantime, I thought I'd post a lightly edited version of my speech crib. If you're headed to Burning Man, you can hear me reprise this talk at Palenque Norte (7&E); I'm kicking off their lecture series on Tuesday, Aug 27 at 1PM.

What the fuck happened to the old, good internet?

I mean, sure, our bosses were a little surveillance-happy, and they were usually up for sharing their data with the NSA, and whenever there was a tossup between user security and growth, it was always YOLO time.

But Google Search used to work. Facebook used to show you posts from people you followed. Uber used to be cheaper than a taxi and pay the driver more than a cabbie made. Amazon used to sell products, not Shein-grade self-destructing dropshipped garbage from all-consonant brands. Apple used to defend your privacy, rather than spying on you with your no-modifications-allowed Iphone.

There was a time when you searching for an album on Spotify would get you that album – not a playlist of insipid AI-generated covers with the same name and art.

Microsoft used to sell you software – sure, it was buggy – but now they just let you access apps in the cloud, so they can watch how you use those apps and strip the features you use the most out of the basic tier and turn them into an upcharge.

What – and I cannot stress this enough – the fuck happened?!

I’m talking about enshittification.

Here’s what enshittification looks like from the outside: First, you see a company that’s being good to its end users. Google puts the best search results at the top; Facebook shows you a feed of posts from people and groups you followl; Uber charges small dollars for a cab; Amazon subsidizes goods and returns and shipping and puts the best match for your product search at the top of the page.

That’s stage one, being good to end users. But there’s another part of this stage, call it stage 1a). That’s figuring out how to lock in those users.

There’s so many ways to lock in users.

If you’re Facebook, the users do it for you. You joined Facebook because there were people there you wanted to hang out with, and other people joined Facebook to hang out with you.

That’s the old “network effects” in action, and with network effects come “the collective action problem." Because you love your friends, but goddamn are they a pain in the ass! You all agree that FB sucks, sure, but can you all agree on when it’s time to leave?

No way.

Can you agree on where to go next?

Hell no.

You’re there because that’s where the support group for your rare disease hangs out, and your bestie is there because that’s where they talk with the people in the country they moved away from, then there’s that friend who coordinates their kid’s little league car pools on FB, and the best dungeon master you know isn’t gonna leave FB because that’s where her customers are.

So you’re stuck, because even though FB use comes at a high cost – your privacy, your dignity and your sanity – that’s still less than the switching cost you’d have to bear if you left: namely, all those friends who have taken you hostage, and whom you are holding hostage

Now, sometimes companies lock you in with money, like Amazon getting you to prepay for a year’s shipping with Prime, or to buy your Audible books on a monthly subscription, which virtually guarantees that every shopping search will start on Amazon, after all, you’ve already paid for it.

Sometimes, they lock you in with DRM, like HP selling you a printer with four ink cartridges filled with fluid that retails for more than $10,000/gallon, and using DRM to stop you from refilling any of those ink carts or using a third-party cartridge. So when one cart runs dry, you have to refill it or throw away your investment in the remaining three cartridges and the printer itself.

Sometimes, it’s a grab bag:

You can’t run your Ios apps without Apple hardware;

you can’t run your Apple music, books and movies on anything except an Ios app;

your iPhone uses parts pairing – DRM handshakes between replacement parts and the main system – so you can’t use third-party parts to fix it; and

every OEM iPhone part has a microscopic Apple logo engraved on it, so Apple can demand that the US Customs and Border Service seize any shipment of refurb Iphone parts as trademark violations.

Think Different, amirite?

Getting you locked in completes phase one of the enshittification cycle and signals the start of phase two: making things worse for you to make things better for business customers.

For example, a platform might poison its search results, like Google selling more and more of its results pages to ads that are identified with lighter and lighter tinier and tinier type.

Or Amazon selling off search results and calling it an “ad” business. They make $38b/year on this scam. The first result for your search is, on average, 29% more expensive than the best match for your search. The first row is 25% more expensive than the best match. On average, the best match for your search is likely to be found seventeen places down on the results page.

Other platforms sell off your feed, like Facebook, which started off showing you the things you asked to see, but now the quantum of content from the people you follow has dwindled to a homeopathic residue, leaving a void that Facebook fills with things that people pay to show you: boosted posts from publishers you haven’t subscribed to, and, of course, ads.

Now at this point you might be thinking ‘sure, if you’re not paying for the product, you’re the product.'

Bullshit!

Bull.

Shit.

The people who buy those Google ads? They pay more every year for worse ad-targeting and more ad-fraud

Those publishers paying to nonconsensually cram their content into your Facebook feed? They have to do that because FB suppresses their ability to reach the people who actually subscribed to them

The Amazon sellers with the best match for your query have to outbid everyone else just to show up on the first page of results. It costs so much to sell on Amazon that between 45-51% of every dollar an independent seller brings in has to be kicked up to Don Bezos and the Amazon crime family. Those sellers don’t have the kind of margins that let them pay 51% They have to raise prices in order to avoid losing money on every sale.

"But wait!" I hear you say!

[Come on, say it!]

"But wait! Things on Amazon aren’t more expensive that things at Target, or Walmart, or at a mom and pop store, or direct from the manufacturer.

"How can sellers be raising prices on Amazon if the price at Amazon is the same as at is everywhere else?"

[Any guesses?!]

That’s right, they charge more everywhere. They have to. Amazon binds its sellers to a policy called “most favored nation status,” which says they can’t charge more on Amazon than they charge elsewhere, including direct from their own factory store.

So every seller that wants to sell on Amazon has to raise their prices everywhere else.

Now, these sellers are Amazon’s best customers. They’re paying for the product, and they’re still getting screwed.

Paying for the product doesn’t fill your vapid boss’s shriveled heart with so much joy that he decides to stop trying to think of ways to fuck you over.

Look at Apple. Remember when Apple offered every Ios user a one-click opt out for app-based surveillance? And 96% of users clicked that box?

(The other four percent were either drunk or Facebook employees or drunk Facebook employees.)

That cost Facebook at least ten billion dollars per year in lost surveillance revenue?

I mean, you love to see it.

But did you know that at the same time Apple started spying on Ios users in the same way that Facebook had been, for surveillance data to use to target users for its competing advertising product?

Your Iphone isn’t an ad-supported gimme. You paid a thousand fucking dollars for that distraction rectangle in your pocket, and you’re still the product. What’s more, Apple has rigged Ios so that you can’t mod the OS to block its spying.

If you’re not not paying for the product, you’re the product, and if you are paying for the product, you’re still the product.

Just ask the farmers who are expected to swap parts into their own busted half-million dollar, mission-critical tractors, but can’t actually use those parts until a technician charges them $200 to drive out to the farm and type a parts pairing unlock code into their console.

John Deere’s not giving away tractors. Give John Deere a half mil for a tractor and you will be the product.

Please, my brothers and sisters in Christ. Please! Stop saying ‘if you’re not paying for the product, you’re the product.’

OK, OK, so that’s phase two of enshittification.

Phase one: be good to users while locking them in.

Phase two: screw the users a little to you can good to business customers while locking them in.

Phase three: screw everybody and take all the value for yourself. Leave behind the absolute bare minimum of utility so that everyone stays locked into your pile of shit.

Enshittification: a tragedy in three acts.

That’s what enshittification looks like from the outside, but what’s going on inside the company? What is the pathological mechanism? What sci-fi entropy ray converts the excellent and useful service into a pile of shit?

That mechanism is called twiddling. Twiddling is when someone alters the back end of a service to change how its business operates, changing prices, costs, search ranking, recommendation criteria and other foundational aspects of the system.

Digital platforms are a twiddler’s utopia. A grocer would need an army of teenagers with pricing guns on rollerblades to reprice everything in the building when someone arrives who’s extra hungry.

Whereas the McDonald’s Investments portfolio company Plexure advertises that it can use surveillance data to predict when an app user has just gotten paid so the seller can tack an extra couple bucks onto the price of their breakfast sandwich.

And of course, as the prophet William Gibson warned us, ‘cyberspace is everting.' With digital shelf tags, grocers can change prices whenever they feel like, like the grocers in Norway, whose e-ink shelf tags change the prices 2,000 times per day.

Every Uber driver is offered a different wage for every job. If a driver has been picky lately, the job pays more. But if the driver has been desperate enough to grab every ride the app offers, the pay goes down, and down, and down.

The law professor Veena Dubal calls this ‘algorithmic wage discrimination.' It’s a prime example of twiddling.

Every youtuber knows what it’s like to be twiddled. You work for weeks or months, spend thousands of dollars to make a video, then the algorithm decides that no one – not your own subscribers, not searchers who type in the exact name of your video – will see it.

Why? Who knows? The algorithm’s rules are not public.

Because content moderation is the last redoubt of security through obscurit: they can’t tell you what the como algorithm is downranking because then you’d cheat.

Youtube is the kind of shitty boss who docks every paycheck for all the rules you’ve broken, but won’t tell you what those rules were, lest you figure out how to break those rules next time without your boss catching you.

Twiddling can also work in some users’ favor, of course. Sometimes platforms twiddle to make things better for end users or business customers.

For example, Emily Baker-White from Forbes revealed the existence of a back-end feature that Tiktok’s management can access they call the “heating tool.”

When a manager applies the heating toll to a performer’s account, that performer’s videos are thrust into the feeds of millions of users, without regard to whether the recommendation algorithm predicts they will enjoy that video.

Why would they do this? Well, here’s an analogy from my boyhood I used to go to this traveling fair that would come to Toronto at the end of every summer, the Canadian National Exhibition. If you’ve been to a fair like the Ex, you know that you can always spot some guy lugging around a comedically huge teddy bear.

Nominally, you win that teddy bear by throwing five balls in a peach-basket, but to a first approximation, no one has ever gotten five balls to stay in that peach-basket.

That guy “won” the teddy bear when a carny on the midway singled him out and said, "fella, I like your face. Tell you what I’m gonna do: You get just one ball in the basket and I’ll give you this keychain, and if you amass two keychains, I’ll let you trade them in for one of these galactic-scale teddy-bears."

That’s how the guy got his teddy bear, which he now has to drag up and down the midway for the rest of the day.

Why the hell did that carny give away the teddy bear? Because it turns the guy into a walking billboard for the midway games. If that dopey-looking Judas Goat can get five balls into a peach basket, then so can you.

Except you can’t.

Tiktok’s heating tool is a way to give away tactical giant teddy bears. When someone in the TikTok brain trust decides they need more sports bros on the platform, they pick one bro out at random and make him king for the day, heating the shit out of his account.

That guy gets a bazillion views and he starts running around on all the sports bro forums trumpeting his success: *I am the Louis Pasteur of sports bro influencers!"

The other sports bros pile in and start retooling to make content that conforms to the idiosyncratic Tiktok format. When they fail to get giant teddy bears of their own, they assume that it’s because they’re doing Tiktok wrong, because they don’t know about the heating tool.

But then comes the day when the TikTok Star Chamber decides they need to lure in more astrologers, so they take the heat off that one lucky sports bro, and start heating up some lucky astrologer.

Giant teddy bears are all over the place: those Uber drivers who were boasting to the NYT ten years ago about earning $50/hour? The Substackers who were rolling in dough? Joe Rogan and his hundred million dollar Spotify payout? Those people are all the proud owners of giant teddy bears, and they’re a steal.

Because every dollar they get from the platform turns into five dollars worth of free labor from suckers who think they just internetting wrong.

Giant teddy bears are just one way of twiddling. Platforms can play games with every part of their business logic, in highly automated ways, that allows them to quickly and efficiently siphon value from end users to business customers and back again, hiding the pea in a shell game conducted at machine speeds, until they’ve got everyone so turned around that they take all the value for themselves.

That’s the how: How the platforms do the trick where they are good to users, then lock users in, then maltreat users to be good to business customers, then lock in those business customers, then take all the value for themselves.

So now we know what is happening, and how it is happening, all that’s left is why it’s happening.

Now, on the one hand, the why is pretty obvious. The less value that end-users and business customers capture, the more value there is left to divide up among the shareholders and the executives.

That’s why, but it doesn’t tell you why now. Companies could have done this shit at any time in the past 20 years, but they didn’t. Or at least, the successful ones didn’t. The ones that turned themselves into piles of shit got treated like piles of shit. We avoided them and they died.

Remember Myspace? Yahoo Search? Livejournal? Sure, they’re still serving some kind of AI slop or programmatic ad junk if you hit those domains, but they’re gone.

And there’s the clue: It used to be that if you enshittified your product, bad things happened to your company. Now, there are no consequences for enshittification, so everyone’s doing it.

Let’s break that down: What stops a company from enshittifying?

There are four forces that discipline tech companies. The first one is, obviously, competition.

If your customers find it easy to leave, then you have to worry about them leaving

Many factors can contribute to how hard or easy it is to depart a platform, like the network effects that Facebook has going for it. But the most important factor is whether there is anywhere to go.

Back in 2012, Facebook bought Insta for a billion dollars. That may seem like chump-change in these days of eleven-digit Big Tech acquisitions, but that was a big sum in those innocent days, and it was an especially big sum to pay for Insta. The company only had 13 employees, and a mere 25 million registered users.

But what mattered to Zuckerberg wasn’t how many users Insta had, it was where those users came from.

[Does anyone know where those Insta users came from?]

That’s right, they left Facebook and joined Insta. They were sick of FB, even though they liked the people there, they hated creepy Zuck, they hated the platform, so they left and they didn’t come back.

So Zuck spent a cool billion to recapture them, A fact he put in writing in a midnight email to CFO David Ebersman, explaining that he was paying over the odds for Insta because his users hated him, and loved Insta. So even if they quit Facebook (the platform), they would still be captured Facebook (the company).

Now, on paper, Zuck’s Instagram acquisition is illegal, but normally, that would be hard to stop, because you’d have to prove that he bought Insta with the intention of curtailing competition.

But in this case, Zuck tripped over his own dick: he put it in writing.

But Obama’s DoJ and FTC just let that one slide, following the pro-monopoly policies of Reagan, Bush I, Clinton and Bush II, and setting an example that Trump would follow, greenlighting gigamergers like the catastrophic, incestuous Warner-Discovery marriage.

Indeed, for 40 years, starting with Carter, and accelerating through Reagan, the US has encouraged monopoly formation, as an official policy, on the grounds that monopolies are “efficient.”

If everyone is using Google Search, that’s something we should celebrate. It means they’ve got the very best search and wouldn’t it be perverse to spend public funds to punish them for making the best product?

But as we all know, Google didn’t maintain search dominance by being best. They did it by paying bribes. More than 20 billion per year to Apple alone to be the default Ios search, plus billions more to Samsung, Mozilla, and anyone else making a product or service with a search-box on it, ensuring that you never stumble on a search engine that’s better than theirs.

Which, in turn, ensured that no one smart invested big in rival search engines, even if they were visibly, obviously superior. Why bother making something better if Google’s buying up all the market oxygen before it can kindle your product to life?

Facebook, Google, Microsoft, Amazon – they’re not “making things” companies, they’re “buying things” companies, taking advantage of official tolerance for anticompetitive acquisitions, predatory pricing, market distorting exclusivity deals and other acts specifically prohibited by existing antitrust law.

Their goal is to become too big to fail, because that makes them too big to jail, and that means they can be too big to care.

Which is why Google Search is a pile of shit and everything on Amazon is dropshipped garbage that instantly disintegrates in a cloud of offgassed volatile organic compounds when you open the box.

Once companies no longer fear losing your business to a competitor, it’s much easier for them to treat you badly, because what’re you gonna do?

Remember Lily Tomlin as Ernestine the AT&T operator in those old SNL sketches? “We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.”

Competition is the first force that serves to discipline companies and the enshittificatory impulses of their leadership, and we just stopped enforcing competition law.

It takes a special kind of smooth-brained asshole – that is, an establishment economist – to insist that the collapse of every industry from eyeglasses to vitamin C into a cartel of five or fewer companies has nothing to do with policies that officially encouraged monopolization.

It’s like we used to put down rat poison and we didn’t have a rat problem. Then these dickheads convinced us that rats were good for us and we stopped putting down rat poison, and now rats are gnawing our faces off and they’re all running around saying, "Who’s to say where all these rats came from? Maybe it was that we stopped putting down poison, but maybe it’s just the Time of the Rats. The Great Forces of History bearing down on this moment to multiply rats beyond all measure!"

Antitrust didn’t slip down that staircase and fall spine-first on that stiletto: they stabbed it in the back and then they pushed it.

And when they killed antitrust, they also killed regulation, the second force that disciplines companies. Regulation is possible, but only when the regulator is more powerful than the regulated entities. When a company is bigger than the government, it gets damned hard to credibly threaten to punish that company, no matter what its sins.

That’s what protected IBM for all those years when it had its boot on the throat of the American tech sector. Do you know, the DOJ fought to break up IBM in the courts from 1970-1982, and that every year, for 12 consecutive years, IBM spent more on lawyers to fight the USG than the DOJ Antitrust Division spent on all the lawyers fighting every antitrust case in the entire USA?

IBM outspent Uncle Sam for 12 years. People called it “Antitrust’s Vietnam.” All that money paid off, because by 1982, the president was Ronald Reagan, a man whose official policy was that monopolies were “efficient." So he dropped the case, and Big Blue wriggled off the hook.

It’s hard to regulate a monopolist, and it’s hard to regulate a cartel. When a sector is composed of hundreds of competing companies, they compete. They genuinely fight with one another, trying to poach each others’ customers and workers. They are at each others’ throats.

It’s hard enough for a couple hundred executives to agree on anything. But when they’re legitimately competing with one another, really obsessing about how to eat each others’ lunches, they can’t agree on anything.

The instant one of them goes to their regulator with some bullshit story, about how it’s impossible to have a decent search engine without fine-grained commercial surveillance; or how it’s impossible to have a secure and easy to use mobile device without a total veto over which software can run on it; or how it’s impossible to administer an ISP’s network unless you can slow down connections to servers whose owners aren’t paying bribes for “premium carriage"; there’s some *other company saying, “That’s bullshit”

“We’ve managed it! Here’s our server logs, our quarterly financials and our customer testimonials to prove it.”

100 companies are a rabble, they're a mob. They can’t agree on a lobbying position. They’re too busy eating each others’ lunch to agree on how to cater a meeting to discuss it.

But let those hundred companies merge to monopoly, absorb one another in an incestuous orgy, turn into five giant companies, so inbred they’ve got a corporate Habsburg jaw, and they become a cartel.

It’s easy for a cartel to agree on what bullshit they’re all going to feed their regulator, and to mobilize some of the excess billions they’ve reaped through consolidation, which freed them from “wasteful competition," sp they can capture their regulators completely.

You know, Congress used to pass federal consumer privacy laws? Not anymore.

The last time Congress managed to pass a federal consumer privacy law was in 1988: The Video Privacy Protection Act. That’s a law that bans video-store clerks from telling newspapers what VHS cassettes you take home. In other words, it regulates three things that have effectively ceased to exist.

The threat of having your video rental history out there in the public eye was not the last or most urgent threat the American public faced, and yet, Congress is deadlocked on passing a privacy law.

Tech companies’ regulatory capture involves a risible and transparent gambit, that is so stupid, it’s an insult to all the good hardworking risible transparent ruses out there.

Namely, they claim that when they violate your consumer, privacy or labor rights, It’s not a crime, because they do it with an app.

Algorithmic wage discrimination isn’t illegal wage theft: we do it with an app.

Spying on you from asshole to appetite isn’t a privacy violation: we do it with an app.

And Amazon’s scam search tool that tricks you into paying 29% more than the best match for your query? Not a ripoff. We do it with an app.

Once we killed competition – stopped putting down rat poison – we got cartels – the rats ate our faces. And the cartels captured their regulators – the rats bought out the poison factory and shut it down.

So companies aren’t constrained by competition or regulation.

But you know what? This is tech, and tech is different.IIt’s different because it’s flexible. Because our computers are Turing-complete universal von Neumann machines. That means that any enshittificatory alteration to a program can be disenshittified with another program.

Every time HP jacks up the price of ink , they invite a competitor to market a refill kit or a compatible cartridge.

When Tesla installs code that says you have to pay an extra monthly fee to use your whole battery, they invite a modder to start selling a kit to jailbreak that battery and charge it all the way up.

Lemme take you through a little example of how that works: Imagine this is a product design meeting for our company’s website, and the guy leading the meeting says “Dudes, you know how our KPI is topline ad-revenue? Well, I’ve calculated that if we make the ads just 20% more invasive and obnoxious, we’ll boost ad rev by 2%”

This is a good pitch. Hit that KPI and everyone gets a fat bonus. We can all take our families on a luxury ski vacation in Switzerland.

But here’s the thing: someone’s gonna stick their arm up – someone who doesn’t give a shit about user well-being, and that person is gonna say, “I love how you think, Elon. But has it occurred to you that if we make the ads 20% more obnoxious, then 40% of our users will go to a search engine and type 'How do I block ads?'"

I mean, what a nightmare! Because once a user does that, the revenue from that user doesn’t rise to 102%. It doesn’t stay at 100% It falls to zero, forever.

[Any guesses why?]

Because no user ever went back to the search engine and typed, 'How do I start seeing ads again?'

Once the user jailbreaks their phone or discovers third party ink, or develops a relationship with an independent Tesla mechanic who’ll unlock all the DLC in their car, that user is gone, forever.

Interoperability – that latent property bequeathed to us courtesy of Herrs Turing and Von Neumann and their infinitely flexible, universal machines – that is a serious check on enshittification.

The fact that Congress hasn’t passed a privacy law since 1988 Is countered, at least in part, by the fact that the majority of web users are now running ad-blockers, which are also tracker-blockers.

But no one’s ever installed a tracker-blocker for an app. Because reverse engineering an app puts in you jeopardy of criminal and civil prosecution under Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, with penalties of a 5-year prison sentence and a $500k fine for a first offense.

And violating its terms of service puts you in jeopardy under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1986, which is the law that Ronald Reagan signed in a panic after watching Wargames (seriously!).

Helping other users violate the terms of service can get you hit with a lawsuit for tortious interference with contract. And then there’s trademark, copyright and patent.

All that nonsense we call “IP,” but which Jay Freeman of Cydia calls “Felony Contempt of Business Model."

So if we’re still at that product planning meeting and now it’s time to talk about our app, the guy leading the meeting says, “OK, so we’ll make the ads in the app 20% more obnoxious to pull a 2% increase in topline ad rev?”

And that person who objected to making the website 20% worse? Their hand goes back up. Only this time they say “Why don’t we make the ads 100% more invasive and get a 10% increase in ad rev?"

Because it doesn't matter if a user goes to a search engine and types, “How do I block ads in an app." The answer is: you can't. So YOLO, enshittify away.

“IP” is just a euphemism for “any law that lets me reach outside my company’s walls to exert coercive control over my critics, competitors and customers,” and “app” is just a euphemism for “A web page skinned with the right IP so that protecting your privacy while you use it is a felony.”

Interop used to keep companies from enshittifying. If a company made its client suck, someone would roll out an alternative client, if they ripped a feature out and wanted to sell it back to you as a monthly subscription, someone would make a compatible plugin that restored it for a one-time fee, or for free.

To help people flee Myspace, FB gave them bots that you’d load with your login credentials. It would scrape your waiting Myspace messages and put ‘em in your FB inbox, and login to Myspace and paste your replies into your Myspace outbox. So you didn’t have to choose between the people you loved on Myspace, and Facebook, which launched with a promise never to spy on you. Remember that?!

Thanks to the metastasis of IP, all that is off the table today. Apple owes its very existence to iWork Suite, whose Pages, Numbers and Keynote are file-compatible with Microsoft’s Word, Excel and Powerpoint. But make an IOS runtime that’ll play back the files you bought from Apple’s stores on other platforms, and they’ll nuke you til you glow.

FB wouldn’t have had a hope of breaking Myspace’s grip on social media without that scrape, but scrape FB today in support of an alternative client and their lawyers will bomb you til the rubble bounces.

Google scraped every website in the world to create its search index. Try and scrape Google and they’ll have your head on a pike.

When they did it, it was progress. When you do it to them, that’s piracy. Every pirate wants to be an admiral.

Because this handful of companies has so thoroughly captured their regulators, they can wield the power of the state against you when you try to break their grip on power, even as their own flagrant violations of our rights go unpunished. Because they do them with an app.

Tech lost its fear of competitin it neutralized the threat from regulators, and then put them in harness to attack new startups that might do unto them as they did unto the companies that came before them.

But even so, there was a force that kept our bosses in check That force was us. Tech workers.

Tech workers have historically been in short supply, which gave us power, and our bosses knew it.

To get us to work crazy hours, they came up with a trick. They appealed to our love of technology, and told us that we were heroes of a digital revolution, who would “organize the world’s information and make it useful,” who would “bring the world closer together.”

They brought in expert set-dressers to turn our workplaces into whimsical campuses with free laundry, gourmet cafeterias, massages, and kombucha, and a surgeon on hand to freeze our eggs so that we could work through our fertile years.

They convinced us that we were being pampered, rather than being worked like government mules.

This trick has a name. Fobazi Ettarh, the librarian-theorist, calls it “vocational awe, and Elon Musk calls it being “extremely hardcore.”

This worked very well. Boy did we put in some long-ass hours!

But for our bosses, this trick failed badly. Because if you miss your mother’s funeral and to hit a deadline, and then your boss orders you to enshittify that product, you are gonna experience a profound moral injury, which you are absolutely gonna make your boss share.

Because what are they gonna do? Fire you? They can’t hire someone else to do your job, and you can get a job that’s even better at the shop across the street.

So workers held the line when competition, regulation and interop failed.

But eventually, supply caught up with demand. Tech laid off 260,000 of us last year, and another 100,000 in the first half of this year.

You can’t tell your bosses to go fuck themselves, because they’ll fire your ass and give your job to someone who’ll be only too happy to enshittify that product you built.

That’s why this is all happening right now. Our bosses aren’t different. They didn’t catch a mind-virus that turned them into greedy assholes who don’t care about our users’ wellbeing or the quality of our products.

As far as our bosses have always been concerned, the point of the business was to charge the most, and deliver the least, while sharing as little as possible with suppliers, workers, users and customers. They’re not running charities.

Since day one, our bosses have shown up for work and yanked as hard as they can on the big ENSHITTIFICATION lever behind their desks, only that lever didn’t move much. It was all gummed up by competition, regulation, interop and workers.

As those sources of friction melted away, the enshittification lever started moving very freely.

Which sucks, I know. But think about this for a sec: our bosses, despite being wildly imperfect vessels capable of rationalizing endless greed and cheating, nevertheless oversaw a series of actually great products and services.

Not because they used to be better people, but because they used to be subjected to discipline.

So it follows that if we want to end the enshittocene, dismantle the enshitternet, and build a new, good internet that our bosses can’t wreck, we need to make sure that these constraints are durably installed on that internet, wound around its very roots and nerves. And we have to stand guard over it so that it can’t be dismantled again.

A new, good internet is one that has the positive aspects of the old, good internet: an ethic of technological self-determination, where users of technology (and hackers, tinkerers, startups and others serving as their proxies) can reconfigure and mod the technology they use, so that it does what they need it to do, and so that it can’t be used against them.

But the new, good internet will fix the defects of the old, good internet, the part that made it hard to use for anyone who wasn’t us. And hell yeah we can do that. Tech bosses swear that it’s impossible, that you can’t have a conversation friend without sharing it with Zuck; or search the web without letting Google scrape you down to the viscera; or have a phone that works reliably without giving Apple a veto over the software you install.

They claim that it’s a nonsense to even ponder this kind of thing. It’s like making water that’s not wet. But that’s bullshit. We can have nice things. We can build for the people we love, and give them a place that’s worth of their time and attention.

To do that, we have to install constraints.

The first constraint, remember, is competition. We’re living through a epochal shift in competition policy. After 40 years with antitrust enforcement in an induced coma, a wave of antitrust vigor has swept through governments all over the world. Regulators are stepping in to ban monopolistic practices, open up walled gardens, block anticompetitive mergers, and even unwind corrupt mergers that were undertaken on false pretenses.

Normally this is the place in the speech where I’d list out all the amazing things that have happened over the past four years. The enforcement actions that blocked companies from becoming too big to care, and that scared companies away from even trying.

Like Wiz, which just noped out of the largest acquisition offer in history, turning down Google’s $23b cashout, and deciding to, you know, just be a fucking business that makes money by producing a product that people want and selling it at a competitive price.

Normally, I’d be listing out FTC rulemakings that banned noncompetes nationwid. Or the new merger guidelines the FTC and DOJ cooked up, which – among other things – establish that the agencies should be considering whether a merger will negatively impact privacy.

I had a whole section of this stuff in my notes, a real victory lap, but I deleted it all this week.

[Can anyone guess why?]

That’s right! This week, Judge Amit Mehta, ruling for the DC Circuit of these United States of America, In the docket 20-3010 a case known as United States v. Google LLC, found that “Google is a monopolist, and it has acted as one to maintain its monopoly," and ordered Google and the DOJ to propose a schedule for a remedy, like breaking the company up.

So yeah, that was pretty fucking epic.

Now, this antitrust stuff is pretty esoteric, and I won’t gatekeep you or shame you if you wanna keep a little distance on this subject. Nearly everyone is an antitrust normie, and that's OK. But if you’re a normie, you’re probably only catching little bits and pieces of the narrative, and let me tell you, the monopolists know it and they are flooding the zone.

The Wall Street Journal has published over 100 editorials condemning FTC Chair Lina Khan, saying she’s an ineffectual do-nothing, wasting public funds chasing doomed, quixotic adventures against poor, innocent businesses accomplishing nothing

[Does anyone out there know who owns the Wall Street Journal?]

That’s right, it’s Rupert Murdoch. Do you really think Rupert Murdoch pays his editorial board to write one hundred editorials about someone who’s not getting anything done?

The reality is that in the USA, in the UK, in the EU, in Australia, in Canada, in Japan, in South Korea, even in China, we are seeing more antitrust action over the past four years than over the preceding forty years.

Remember, competition law is actually pretty robust. The problem isn’t the law, It’s the enforcement priorities. Reagan put antitrust in mothballs 40 years ago, but that elegant weapon from a more civilized age is now back in the hands of people who know how to use it, and they’re swinging for the fences.

Next up: regulation.

As the seemingly inescapable power of the tech giants is revealed for the sham it always was, governments and regulators are finally gonna kill the “one weird trick” of violating the law, and saying “It doesn’t count, we did it with an app.”

Like in the EU, they’re rolling out the Digital Markets Act this year. That’s a law requiring dominant platforms to stand up APIs so that third parties can offer interoperable services.

So a co-op, a nonprofit, a hobbyist, a startup, or a local government agency wil eventuallyl be able to offer, say, a social media server that can interconnect with one of the dominant social media silos, and users who switch to that new platform will be able to continue to exchange messages with the users they follow and groups they belong to, so the switching costs will fall to damned near zero.

That’s a very cool rule, but what’s even cooler is how it’s gonna be enforced. Previous EU tech rules were “regulations” as in the GDPR – the General Data Privacy Regulation. EU regs need to be “transposed” into laws in each of the 27 EU member states, so they become national laws that get enforced by national courts.

For Big Tech, that means all previous tech regulations are enforced in Ireland, because Ireland is a tax haven, and all the tech companies fly Irish flags of convenience.

Here’s the thing: every tax haven is also a crime haven. After all, if Google can pretend it’s Irish this week, it can pretend to be Cypriot, or Maltese, or Luxembougeious next week. So Ireland has to keep these footloose criminal enterprises happy, or they’ll up sticks and go somewhere else.

This is why the GDPR is such a goddamned joke in practice. Big tech wipes its ass with the GDPR, and the only way to punish them starts with Ireland’s privacy commissioner, who barely bothers to get out of bed. This is an agency that spends most of its time watching cartoons on TV in its pajamas and eating breakfast cereal. So all of the big GDPR cases go to Ireland and they die there.

This is hardly a secret. The European Commission knows it’s going on. So with the DMA, the Commission has changed things up: The DMA is an “Act,” not a “Regulation.” Meaning it gets enforced in the EU’s federal courts, bypassing the national courts in crime-havens like Ireland.

In other words, the “we violate privacy law, but we do it with an app” gambit that worked on Ireland’s toothless privacy watchdog is now a dead letter, because EU federal judges have no reason to swallow that obvious bullshit.

Here in the US, the dam is breaking on federal consumer privacy law – at last!

Remember, our last privacy law was passed in 1988 to protect the sanctity of VHS rental history. It's been a minute.

And the thing is, there's a lot of people who are angry about stuff that has some nexus with America's piss-poor privacy landscape. Worried that Facebook turned grampy into a Qanon? That Insta made your teen anorexic? That TikTok is brainwashing millennials into quoting Osama Bin Laden? Or that cops are rolling up the identities of everyone at a Black Lives Matter protest or the Jan 6 riots by getting location data from Google? Or that Red State Attorneys General are tracking teen girls to out-of-state abortion clinics? Or that Black people are being discriminated against by online lending or hiring platforms? Or that someone is making AI deepfake porn of you?

A federal privacy law with a private right of action – which means that individuals can sue companies that violate their privacy – would go a long way to rectifying all of these problems

There's a pretty big coalition for that kind of privacy law! Which is why we have seen a procession of imperfect (but steadily improving) privacy laws working their way through Congress.

If you sign up for EFF’s mailing list at eff.org we’ll send you an email when these come up, so you can call your Congressjerk or Senator and talk to them about it. Or better yet, make an appointment to drop by their offices when they’re in their districts, and explain to them that you’re not just a registered voter from their district, you’re the kind of elite tech person who goes to Defcon, and then explain the bill to them. That stuff makes a difference.

What about self-help? How are we doing on making interoperability legal again, so hackers can just fix shit without waiting for Congress or a federal agency to act?

All the action here these day is in the state Right to Repair fight. We’re getting state R2R bills, like the one that passed this year in Oregon that bans parts pairing, where DRM is used to keep a device from using a new part until it gets an authorized technician’s unlock code.

These bills are pushed by a fantastic group of organizations called the Repair Coalition, at Repair.org, and they’ll email you when one of these laws is going through your statehouse, so you can meet with your state reps and explain to the JV squad the same thing you told your federal reps.

Repair.org’s prime mover is Ifixit, who are genuine heroes of the repair revolution, and Ifixit’s founder, Kyle Wiens, is here at the con. When you see him, you can shake his hand and tell him thanks, and that’ll be even better if you tell him that you’ve signed up to get alerts at repair.org!

Now, on to the final way that we reverse enhittification and build that new, good internet: you, the tech labor force.

For years, your bosses tricked you into thinking you were founders in waiting, temporarily embarrassed entrepreneurs who were only momentarily drawing a salary.

You certainly weren’t workers. Your power came from your intrinsic virtue, not like those lazy slobs in unions who have to get their power through that kumbaya solidarity nonsense.

It was a trick. You were scammed. The power you had came from scarcity, and so when the scarcity ended, when the industry started ringing up six-figure annual layoffs, your power went away with it.

The only durable source of power for tech workers is as workers, in a union.

Think about Amazon. Warehouse workers have to piss in bottles and have the highest rate of on-the-job maimings of any competing business. Whereas Amazon coders get to show up for work with facial piercings, green mohawks, and black t-shirts that say things their bosses don’t understand. They can piss whenever they want!

That’s not because Jeff Bezos or Andy Jassy loves you guys. It’s because they’re scared you’ll quit and they don’t know how to replace you.

Time for the second obligatory William Gibson quote: “The future is here, it’s just not evenly distributed.” You know who’s living in the future?. Those Amazon blue-collar workers. They are the bleeding edge.

Drivers whose eyeballs are monitored by AI cameras that do digital phrenology on their faces to figure out whether to dock their pay, warehouse workers whose bodies are ruined in just months.

As tech bosses beef up that reserve army of unemployed, skilled tech workers, then those tech workers – you all – will arrive at the same future as them.

Look, I know that you’ve spent your careers explaining in words so small your boss could understand them that you refuse to enshittify the company’s products, and I thank you for your service.

But if you want to go on fighting for the user, you need power that’s more durable than scarcity. You need a union. Wanna learn how? Check out the Tech Workers Coalition and Tech Solidarity, and get organized.

Enshittification didn’t arise because our bosses changed. They were always that guy.

They were always yankin’ on that enshittification lever in the C-suite.

What changed was the environment, everything that kept that switch from moving.

And that’s good news, in a bankshot way, because it means we can make good services out of imperfect people. As a wildly imperfect person myself, I find this heartening.

The new good internet is in our grasp: an internet that has the technological self-determination of the old, good internet, and the greased-skids simplicity of Web 2.0 that let all our normie friends get in on the fun.

Tech bosses want you to think that good UX and enshittification can’t ever be separated. That’s such a self-serving proposition you can spot it from orbit. We know it, 'cause we built the old good internet, and we’ve been fighting a rear-guard action to preserve it for the past two decades.

It’s time to stop playing defense. It's time to go on the offensive. To restore competition, regulation, interop and tech worker power so that we can create the new, good internet we’ll need to fight fascism, the climate emergency, and genocide.

To build a digital nervous system for a 21st century in which our children can thrive and prosper.

Community voting for SXSW is live! If you wanna hear RIDA QADRI and me talk about how GIG WORKERS can DISENSHITTIFY their jobs with INTEROPERABILITY, VOTE FOR THIS ONE!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/17/hack-the-planet/#how-about-a-nice-game-of-chess

Image: https://twitter.com/igama/status/1822347578094043435/ (cropped)

@[email protected] (cropped)

https://mamot.fr/@[email protected]/112963252835869648

CC BY 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.pt

#pluralistic #defcon #defcon 32 #hackers #enshittification #speeches #transcripts #disenshittify or die #Youtube

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urhoneycombwitch · 24 days

Text

hold me like water

foreword: followup to my unofficial eddie x shy!reader series. not necessary to read in order but here’s one and two if u want. this takes place after the events of s4 but everyone (including the trailer sorry i’m too attached) is mostly fine and so is the town. except for all that pesky PTSD… lol. written epilogue-style but I just wanted to give them something soft… not done w them yet!!

cw: PTSD, nightmares, trauma bonding, medical stuff, scarring/wounds, light smut post-traumatic event, R has breasts+a vagina, R wears a bikini

wc: 3k

___

For the first month, you don’t leave the trailer.

More specifically, you don’t leave Eddie.

While he’s recovering from the attacks, you confine yourself to his room; Wayne had pulled in a comfy armchair for you when he realized you’d been sleeping on Eddie’s floor for three nights in a row, just to be closer to him than the guest bed down the hall.

Now, with the chair, you’re actually getting some sleep at night- enough to tend to Eddie’s wounds every morning and evening without yawning comically loud.

After the first few weeks of healing, while Eddie is still tender but learning to walk shakily with the use of a cane, you still stick to the boundaries of the trailer. Neither of you really want to go anywhere, anyways: Hop’s instructions to keep a low profile while the dust settles on the murder investigation have to be taken seriously.

Plus, Eddie and you are very well taken care of by your friends-turned-family. Anything you could ever want for shows up on your doorstep and kitchen counters by a rotating crew of familiar faces; Mrs. Byers brings groceries and finds excuses to stay longer, busying herself by making tea, doing the dishes; Mrs. Wheeler brings casseroles and her son, who steals Eddie away for intense D&D discussions (Eddie made Mike interim DM, and the power’s really gone to his head).

The trailer is almost always filled during the day, bikes in a heap on the front strip of grass, Beemer parked at an angle to avoid a popped tire. Steve picks up Eddie’s medication every Friday, brings it over along with a bunch of VHS’s and Robin. Sometimes Jonathan and Argyle join in on movie nights, too, and Nancy when she’s not busy with work.

It’s easy and peaceful, spending time with people who understand and share the same traumas. People who don’t stare at the bandages or Eddie’s cane or ask why you won’t leave the trailer any more.

The government officials from the now-defunct Hawkin’s lab call every few days, wall-mounted landline ringing like a toll bell at 3pm sharp. You tell them the same thing, every time, curt and firm- if they want to interrogate you and Eddie, they’ll damn well have to come here. Or drag you, kicking and screaming.

Steve asks about it one afternoon, naive and confused with the force of your phone slamming- “Y’know, they probably just want you to sign one of those Don’t-Talk-About-This papers and give you a bunch of money. I heard they’re setting up college funds for all the kids-”

“Good for them.” Your dry remark cuts in smoothly from the couch, hand on Eddie’s knee as a lifeline. In a voice wobbly with anger, eyes glittering with unshed tears, your chin tilts up, defiant- “It’s the least they can do. I want them to look me in the eyes when they try to grovel for my silence. For Eddie’s. After all they fucking did to us, to the town-”

Eddie’s hand slips over yours, squeezes. Steve raises his hands in a placating gesture, surrendering with haste, then retreats to the kitchen for movie night snacks.

“Never heard you so bossy before,” Eddie murmurs, at the shell of your ear. Goosebumps cascade across your neck when he rests his heavy palm there, cold rings warming to the temperature of your skin. “Goin’ to bat for me. It’s hot.”

You’re a couple of steps removed from the quiet, shy thing Eddie’s known for years. Seeing the love of your life almost bleed out in an alternate dimension will do that to a person.

Owens shows up at the trailer one morning, at the end of summer after all the phone calls provide no results. Him and two of his muscliest-looking lab guys are met by you in the threshold of the door, arms crossed and somehow looking fierce despite the fuzzy blue bathrobe you’re swathed in.

“The goons stay outside.” Your word is final. Even the doctor knows it.

The two men in coats settle on either side of the porch, while Owens is allowed to sit at the kitchen table indoors, accepting a mug of coffee Eddie generously supplies (you certainly aren’t in a hospitable mood, glaring daggers at him from the opposing chair).

Predictably, the doctor explains he’s here with some NDA’s for both you and Eddie to sign, the shiny promise of a government-allotted chunk of change waiting on the other side.

Hidden from view under the table, your fingertips skate over Eddie’s palm, lying open and pliant for you. Calmly, like you’re stating the weather, you tell Owens to double his offer.

By the time he’s done using your phone, Owens is wiping sweat from his forehead with a kerchief. Once the papers are signed, him and the lab goons load back into the shiny black car like silent sentries.

They leave, and Eddie laughs, a full, rich noise that makes your heart ache. His fist slams the table in excess of humor, mugs jumping with a clink. “Goddamn. You just made the richest guy in Hawkins run off with his tail between his legs.”

“Pretty sure Harrington Senior has him beat,” you mutter around the rim of your coffee, unable to repress the satisfied smirk that tugs at your lips.

The payoff is a sickening amount, more money than you or Eddie have ever seen- enough to send you both to college, twice, with a hefty nest egg for the future leftover. You put the bulk of yours in a savings account, just so you don’t get dizzy looking at the numbers.

Eddie does the same, with the exception of a down payment on the vacant trailer at the end of the park. Along with the new place, Wayne gets a fresh mattress, a couch that doesn’t have holes, and a proper, working stereo to play all his “old man country” tapes (in Eddie’s words). The quiet and deep thankfulness Wayne gives you both makes you feel like you’d do it all over again, like the fight was all worth it for the Laz-E-Boy in the corner and the new mug collection shelf.

Eddie floats the idea of college again, now that you’ve got the funds to make it possible. You’ve certainly got the time, too- neither of you have any need to work long shifts at the diner or garage anymore.

Unfortunately, this makes it all the more easy to form reclusive habits. By autumn, the solidness of your refusal to leave the trailer has less to do with helping Eddie than it does with your own fear of what lies beyond the comfort of your home.

Most days, you work on healing. Eddie’s still your lifeline, gentle encouragement turning stern when you need it the most- he talks you into visiting Max by yourself, a veritable feat; the short walk between the two trailers feels like death, your knock shaky with nerves. It feels horrifying, to walk the thin line of being both braver and more scared than you’ve ever been.

You stay for an hour. The next day, for two- Max has a new kitten that passes the time easily, the girl giggling behind her new thick-rimmed glasses while pulling string across the floor for the tiny thing to pounce on. One night, you bring dinner for both the Mayfields and stay well past supper; it’s nearly 11 by the time you return to Eddie’s open arms, triumphant in your success with a tupperware of Mrs. Mayfield’s cookies to boot.

Your bravery builds in increments. Eddie cleans the rust from his van that’s been sitting untouched since spring, and takes you on drives that go a bit farther each time. The Byers’ place for lunch, Dustin’s to pick up an extra radio, then all the way to north Hawkins for more of Mrs. Wheeler’s plastic-wrapped dishes she asks you to relieve her of.

When winter rolls around, Steve takes advantage of his now-permanently empty home to throw a holiday party. It’s loud with chatter and overwhelming with noise but it feels so good to be surrounded by it, by everyone, Eddie’s hand a steady comfort on your waist or lower back as you eat and drink and make merry with your friends.

Hop pulls it off, a Christmas miracle- all the murders get pinned on Jason, buried six feet under with parents who skipped town ages ago. You’re out for groceries one cold morning and realize that not a single shopper has even given Eddie a second glance, conspicuous as he is in black leather and flashy silver jewelry.

The strings loosen with a sigh, fluttering in release, allowing some space for you both to breathe.

Sex has been… different, lately. There’s been lots of readjusting, both physically and mentally- accounting for unforeseen muscle spasms, bone-deep bruises hidden beneath rippled skin, tissue and scarring pulled taut, testing the limits of new pains.

The first time, just a few weeks after the attacks, Eddie had begged to go down on you. He wanted the comfort of your thighs, your taste and scent, all-consuming, to think about anything else other than his wounds.

You’d been more than hesitant, terrified of hurting him, of letting your focus shift inwards. More in your head than ever, it took Eddie over an hour to coax an orgasm from the walls that’d been built back up around your pleasure; even with his lithe tongue and long, seeking fingers, it took forever and an age to get you anywhere close to the edge.

Eddie didn’t complain once- in fact, he kind of got off on the amount of time you let him spend between your legs. The muscles in his right arm were trembling by the time you clamped down on his fingers, jaw burning but keeping the suction at your clit even while your hips rolled strong as a tidal wave against his face.

And before you could open your mouth to apologize, or say something equally silly, panting and wrung-out and heartbreakingly beautiful against the pillows, Eddie’s teeth flashed at the inside of your thigh.

You’d jolted, breathless and giggly, endorphins soaring as he’d tenderly crawled up the length of your body to slip his tongue between your lips, sharing the earthy tang of your release.

“One more,” he’d said, uninjured arm taking the bulk of his weight while he dipped down to mouth at your breast. “And this time, put your hands in my hair. I’m getting jealous of the sheets.”

As Eddie’s physical limitations lessen with time, your mental barriers ease, as well. There’s still some stilted moments of relearning, of working together in bodies that don’t always respond the way you want them to.

There are raw, stripped-open emotions that have you clawing at Eddie’s back, his nails leaving indents on the flesh of your hips. To keep pressure off the worst of his side wounds, you find new positions, usually some form of your thighs draped over his or the welcome weight of you in his lap.

He’s endlessly patient. The kind of patient that makes you want to run, far and fast, and he knows it; when your pleasure recedes, frustration in the form of tears and hands pressed to your face, Eddie’s there to soothe. To try a new angle, to slow down or speed up, offering a break or an extra pillow to keep you comfortable and feeling good.

If you were comforted by each other’s presence during the night before the Spring Break from hell, it’s tenfold now. Neither of you will sleep a wink if Eddie’s not wrapped around you like a koala, snoring gently, overheated and tacky with sweat by morning but neither willing to compromise the closeness.

Nightmares are easier to handle, too- you’re there to soothe the sweat-coated bangs from Eddie’s forehead when he wakes up whimpering in fear, coaxing his panic and adrenaline back down. He’s so fine-tuned to the rhythms of your body that even though your own nightmares rarely end in noise, Eddie often wakes anyways from the disturbance in your breaths.

Just as you do for him, sometimes all it takes to get you back to sleep is a tender voice, a stroke of the arm, a reassurance in the dark that he’s with you.

A year after it all happened, Eddie hears you singing in the shower.

If he wasn’t craning to hear the gentle splashing noises as confirmation of your presence, he would’ve missed it. Eddie leans with his good shoulder on the wood frame, door partially cracked to let the melody of your voice float through.

Stevie Nicks is crooning sweetly from the handheld radio on the bathroom counter, and you, just as sweet and twice as pretty singing along.

Eddie closes his eyes, puts a hand to his chest; through the fabric of his shirt he feels the raised, bumpy edges of scar tissue, but there’s something beyond it. Curling around his heart, making it ache- it feels like healing. Like getting better, at least well enough to sing.

He’s dumbstruck with it.

That summer, he takes you to Lover’s Lake.

It’s just the two of you, which makes it easy for Eddie to go shirtless; currently, he’s enjoying the way you’re watching him from the back of the van, bare feet swinging and paired with a killer black bikini that he begged you into.

He’s not so sure the scars that criss cross his front and sides are as “metal” as you claim they are, but he’s trying. He’d drag himself over hot coals just to get half a smile; going shirtless is nothing.

You reach for him, and he walks into the V of your legs willingly, your arms wrapping around his torso, head pressed to the middle of his sternum. Eddie plants his hands on either side of your hips, drops his chin to fit you under it.

“Come swim with me.”

In response, you sigh- a longsuffering, worried sort of noise that leaves your lungs and enters his. He’s been trying to talk you into it for weeks- it’s a miracle he’s gotten you both this far, dressed and ready to take the plunge.

Eddie’s not really sure why this swim is so important to him. It might have something to do with the fissure at the bottom of the lake, all scabbed over and sewn back together; or maybe it’s the surface, skimmed by a light breeze and rippling gently, nothing of monsters or alternate dimensions leftover to disturb the placidity.

Eddie wants to prove that it’s safe, for you and for himself. That the nightmares and the sticky feelings and the tears, they all mean something, of course they do- but the only way to is through.

So he takes you by both hands and you only drag your feet a little until he’s walking backwards on the shore, water lapping up to his ankles, and you freeze. Heels digging into the wet earth, tense under Eddie’s grasp, eyes wide and darting around like something might come crashing through the treeline.

“Hey. Look at me.” In a voice that’s reserved for you and you alone, Eddie speaks softly, calmly, letting out all the tension of his pull to just hold, instead. “You’re safe. There’s nothing out here that’s gonna hurt us, okay? Steve went all the way back down to the bottom to make sure. No more gate. No nothin’. It’s just a lake.”

“Just a lake,” you repeat, like a mantra as you take another step. The water rolls over your feet; Eddie murmurs his encouragement while leading.

“That’s right, sweetheart. It’s just a lake. Our lake.”

The water rises, up the back of Eddie’s calves, swishing around your shins; the pebble-rock floor shifts with each step. You and Eddie used to spend long summer days here, swimming and picnicking and fucking in the back of the van, syrupy-slow and stretched with time.

“Our lake.” You’re shivering, teeth chattering, even though the air is hot and the water is just-cool.

Eddie rubs at your upper arms, allaying the goosebumps; waterline up to your waists, now. The rock you’re balanced on beneath the surface jolts, and you stumble forward into Eddie’s arms; in a smooth maneuver, he catches you while sinking into a crouch, pulling you both from the safety of the shallows.

Then, your kicking feet meet nothing but the vastness of the lake, nails biting into Eddie’s arms, fear rattling through your spine until Eddie- treading water while valiantly supporting you, too- tosses his black hair back and whoops.

The sound is loud, joyful, ricochets across the lake and bounces back from the other shore. He crows at the sun, startles a laugh out of you as he clings harder, kicking to keep you both afloat- “Holy SHIT! We’re swimming in Lover’s Lake!”

“Holy shit,” you agree, giddy and breathless, nerves turning over into disbelief, excitement. “We’re swimming in our lake.”

Eddie kisses you. It’s sloppy and he misses the middle of your mouth as you both try to keep the other from slipping under, teeth clashing, giggles escaping around the sides. He puts a hand dripping with lake water to your cheek, holding you in place, thumb pressing gentle just under your eye.

“I love you.”

“Love you.” Your reply is swift and just as eager, hand coming to rest at the puckered line of scarring at Eddie’s chest.

Somewhere at the bottom of Lover’s Lake, a twin crack, a Something that was never supposed to be but now just Is.

You feel extraordinarily grateful, awash with we made it, as you and Eddie swim out further, shores in the shape of a heart holding you both from all sides.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x shy!reader #shy!reader

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aitadjcrazytimes · 1 year

Text

It's been a good run

But it's time to bring this to a close!

The saga is over, C, T and I are all together. T and I are in the swing of it, C approves as much as it is possible for him to approve of anything, everyone knows about the blog and is chill.

C is back at his rightful place of walking his sister down the aisle.

I'm getting everything I want, and we're all free to make each other miserable until the day we die.

I'm not going to be updating this blog anymore! Nobody else involved with the situation will be submitting any more AITA posts either, because they are either not on tumblr or agreed it would be annoying.

I will say that there is some stuff on here that I've alluded to that isn't necessarily 100% in the spirit of things, so I've included some stuff below the cut for the folks who have caught onto that. I would not suggest reading it if you like how all of this played out and want to keep it that way. I know that's incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how to phrase it without making it weird?

Thank you all for listening and talking to me over the past few days! That's where I'm leaving it!

...

...Is everyone who wants to keep believing in the disaster polycule gone? Yes? OK!

So, this was fake. I made up the whole thing. TK and C and T and everyone else are fictional characters. Did I lie? Yes. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Q: All of it? Even the og AITA post? The followup AITA post? The screenshots?

A: All of it.

Q: Wh... Why did you do this...?

A: Well, first this all started as a Red vs Blue fanfic for the ship Chexer (Church/Tex/Tucker)-

It started as a fanfic for Chexer. However, I was already working on a different fanfic for RVB that was totalling about 15k words at this point (+ at least 90k to go), and I knew I would never have the time or energy to write this one. I thought: yknow. this would be really funny as an aita post.

Q: It was a fanfic of a Halo fanfic series.

A: Yep!

So, I submitted Tucker's perspective. I did not expect for it to get more than maybe 100 notes at most. I totally thought someone would call it out right away.

The funny part is, if I'd dedicated all this energy to a fic instead of this blog, I'd probably have about 15-20 thousand words of fic already, but whatever, can't ruin my personal day!

Also, I wanted to see how many people would figure it out/how long it would take for it to become too obvious that this was a fandom thing. I was dropping names and RvB lore since the beginning. A few people did figure it out, and I DMed them in private to let them know.

Q: But why make the blog then?

A: Because I love to lie and be a nuisance to the general populace! <3

It was always my intent to wait until Carolina's perspective got posted (i am honestly still shocked i got away with "Carey/Georgia/West Virginia/Alabama/Miss Louisiana 1988"), let it simmer for about a day, then come clean. Which is what I'm doing now!

The reason I'm coming clean now instead of dragging it out is because I don't want anyone to feel stupid or like they got duped. You're not stupid! You were a part of this story! This was, as one anon said, a creative writing project. It was a collaboration! Thank you so much for helping me!

That said, I'm sorry to anyone that finds this disappointing! I had a blast doing this, but I will not be doing it again. I have gotten my fill. I have had my taste of being an influencer, and now I can go on with my life without ever feeling like I need to start a youtube channel.

Q: How did you keep up with a consistent timeline?

A: I didn't, especially at first. But in my time as a liar who lies about things, I have found that usually people are willing to believe you when you say "yeah, i lied about that".

Q: Wait, what about the thing with your kid?

A: Yeah, I fucked up on this one. In the other fic I was/am writing, Tucker was around 33. So, when I was saying what Junior's age was, I subtracted it from 33 and got 18. It wasn't until I was showing my partner the blog and they said "Wait, he had his kid at 13??????" that I realized I had fucked up. Oops!

Q: Was it really ALL fake?

A: For the most part. I will say that I did actually drop chocolate cake all over my tits that one time and had to shower by myself like a fucking loser. That one was true. I did also get my nails done for the first time ever, which did actually affect my typing. And I am in a band (but so is Tucker, canonically)! There are a few other things as well, but I don't want to list all of them.

Q: DID you ever read homestuck?

A: Nope. And I never will.

Even the title, though I will say that the title I came up with was "Leonard "Alpha Bitch" Church's Decidedly Not Lo-Fi Beats to Get Nasty and Get Clean To: The Movie"

Q: So there was never a combination sex/bathtime playlist?

A: Maybe! But perhaps more accurately: the combination sex/bathtime playlist was inside of you all along. You can make it. There are only three songs on there that are canon to the lore of this blog. Those are No Children by The Mountain Goats, Take It Out On Me by Thousand Foot Krutch, and one unknown song from the album Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV by Coheed and Cambria (Yep, the call was coming from inside the house, I gave Church my music taste). I had intended this to be Wake Up, but it's out of my hands now. The rest is yours to fill in.

Q: What's your main blog, so I can follow you?

A: Hi, this is aitadjcrazytimes. You're not getting that.

Q: Your AO3 handle?

A: Nope, not that either.

You will never find me. And that's the way I want it. You will see me in every blog. Every new follower. Every stranger you meet on the street. You will look into your discord kitten's eyes, and you will absently wonder if he was the one behind aitadjcrazytimes. And you will never know for certain.

Q: But-

A: Let me live on in your memory. The only person who knows both who I am and the fact that I did this is my partner, who is not into RvB or commonly on tumblr. I am not a RvB blog. I am not a writing blog. I am a nobody on the fringes of tumblr society who's been here long enough to know how to remain in the shadows.

And, even if you do manage to find me, against all odds:

No one will ever believe you.

I am closing my askbox. I am also closing my messages. If you have anything to say to Tucker or Me (tumblr user aitadjcrazytimes), you are welcome to do so in the replies or reblogs, but you will not be receiving an answer. I'll keep this blog up for anyone that wants to go through after the fact and do a deep dive or what have you.

Thanks to everyone who made this into the wild ride it was! Live long and get fucked or whatever! Xoxo <3

#final post #if you don't say goodbye then aitadjcrazytimes isnt really gone #they're just not here right now #<-so that was a fucking lie -tk from the future

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destielfanfic · 2 months

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Group Ask #213

Relevant links to find lost fic

previous group asks - feel free to browse them!

spnstoryfinders

Guide to Finding Fic

Guide to Finding Lost Fic

PSA - Save Your Faves!

Lost and Found fic posts - when mods knew the answer!

when looking for fics similar to the ones you have read, check out our Fics like X Reference Post and Fics like X Tag

Before sending in a lost fic ask, please check out our Tags Page and see if the fic in question could be found under some plot/ trope/ pairing related tag! Big thanks to all followers who do check the tags before sending in the ask!!! Our anon is switched off for good but you can always ask for your url to be withhold either on the lost ask or the answer re fic. <333

And even bigger thanks to all folks who help us to find lost fics! You guys are the real MVPs!!!

Ask #1 ( @miraculousfailure): there’s this fic…#1

I’m looking for a fic where Dean is dating Lisa and they move into a house with Ben next to Cas who is married with a kid and a baby on the way. Dean and Cas immediately become best friends. I believe that his wife ends up dying after giving birth. She is a painter in the fic. Dean and Cas get matching tattoos in it at one point. The fic is pretty long. Probably 100k+. Would appreciate finding this so much! Found by @chiops256 and @caseyjw1973! So it Goes by raiseyourpinky [NC-17, 236,500 word count] Dean Winchester has finally bought his white picket fence dream house for his girlfriend Lisa and their son Ben. On top of living in the perfect neighborhood, they now have the best neighbors, the Novaks. Castiel and Amelia Novak are awaiting their first baby, Claire. They’re in love and are not afraid to show it. When their new neighbors move in next door, they become practically family. It feels as though nothing could ruin the ultimate domestic bliss Dean and Castiel have achieved. Until it all goes to hell. Then the two of them will be the only ones left to pick up all of the broken pieces and keep each other moving forward. Dean and Castiel soon realize that the only thing stronger than tragedy and pain is the love that they have for each other. Unfortunately, the fic has been deleted by the author.

Ask #2 ( @loveagoodstory2 ): there’s this fic…#2

Hello I’m looking for a one shot please. Dean is an omega and works the night shift in an office building. He smells Cas scent and loves it they start leaving notes for each other and Cas leaves Dean his tie (scented by him Completely 😉) Found by @caseyjw1973! Scent of an Accountant by Andromytta, nealinor [NC-17, 7,000 word count] Omega Dean Winchester has taken a temporary position as a security guard in a high rise office building. His first night on the job, he finds one particular office suffused with a scent that fascinates him. Fascination builds and soon Dean crosses into the office space of an unknown alpha. The one thing he didn't consider: what would happen when the alpha scents him in return.

Ask #3 (Anon 1 ): there’s this fic…# 3

I'm looking for a fic where Dean and Cas first meet while having a threesome with Lisa -- there's a followup fic where Dean and Cas reunite after many years, with Dean now out of the closet and eager to pursue a relationship with Cas. It was on AO3, though not sure if it's still there. Found by @kazshero and @chiops256! Light Me Up series by tricia_16 [NC-17, 219,000 word count, 3 parts] Summary of the part 1 - In a desperate attempt to save his dying relationship with Lisa, Dean Winchester agrees to invite another man into their bedroom. He’s always considered himself to be completely straight... so why does being with this Cas guy feel so good?

Other requests

Ask #4 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic, “Castiel Takes Care of Dean Winchester” by asexualclassicist on AO3.

Ask #5 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic, “I’ve got a Bad Case of Lovin’ you” by HigherMagic.

Ask #6 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic “Castiel’s Scars” by Martypom.

Ask #7 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic "Hell On Wheels" [M, 34,750 word count]

It takes a village to find a lost fic, every reblog is appreciated! All 3 fics have been found!!! Great job, team!

#there's this fic #group asks #asks

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toomanytookas · 6 months

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March Fic Madness: Reading List

Thanks again to @the-blind-assassin-12 for creating the March Fic Madness challenge!

I've already posted my stats for the challenge over on this post, but here's a list of what I read!

I find that, for me, lists without any description end up leading to decision paralysis/having to click a lot of links without knowing where you're going, so I've tried to provide a super brief summary of each fic as a taster (obvs more info is provided by the author on each fic’s actual page). If you're an author whose work is listed here and feel I've misrepresented your fic, let me know and I can change the little blurb, it's obviously not my intention to do your work dirty! <3

List is alpha sorted by character then by author.

Dieter

stay sexy and don’t get murdered - @chronically-ghosted- oneshot > Against the backdrop of a murder mystery, the reader and Dieter resolve some relational conflict and lean into their mutual feelings.

vamp!dieter drabble - chronically-ghosted - oneshot > Vampire!Dieter permits journalist!reader an interview. There’s a “Say it. Out loud.” moment.

the howler monkey - @covetyou - oneshot in series > Dieter struggles with some strong feelings and is comforted by his PA.

Laminated - @katareyoudrilling - oneshot > Dieter’s asking around the hotel for sex and his vasectomy seals the deal for the reader.

Go Play Your Video Games - @kedsandtubesocks - oneshot > Reader is a cozy video game streamer and Dieter, still a famous actor, is a fan.

One Day at a Time - @rebel-held - chaptered (ongoing) > Reader is a tutor for a young actor on the set of Dieter’s current flick.

The Kit Kat Trilogy - @schnarfer - series (complete) > Reader and Dieter hooked up 10 years ago and meet again at Christmastime.

Purple Haze - schnarfer - oneshot > 60s fashion photographer Dieter does a shoot with model!reader.

lost, found - @sp00kymulderr - oneshot > Reader comforts Dieter when he is (re)confronted with his family's homophobia.

dieter x poppy oneshot - @wildemaven - oneshot related to chaptered fic > Smutty lil’ footjob after a long day. Part of the Sweet Creature universe.

Ezra

A Girl Walks Into A Bookshop - @oonajaeadira - chaptered (complete) with an open followup series > Post Prospect. Ezra owns a bookshop and he and the reader fall in looooooooooove.

Frankie

frost on the windows, flowers in the bed - @5oh5- chaptered (ongoing) > Both reader and Frankie have travelled to Paris for a reset. They hook up at a bar on NYE.

in another life - chronically-ghosted - oneshot > Smutty, domestic slice of life oneshot.

All For You - @goodwithcheese - chaptered (complete) > Childhood friends reconnect at their 25 year high school reunion.

Hold Fast - @jeewrites - chaptered (ongoing) > Reader is a physician by day, powerlifter by night and meets Frankie through Pope’s gym.

Tommy’s Party - @luxurychristmaspudding - chaptered (complete) > Angsty (ANGSTY) roommates to lovers.

Lions Ain't the Kind - @qveerthe0ry - chaptered (ongoing) > Developing early relationship ft. subby!Frankie.

Dial Drunk - schnarfer - oneshot > Childhood friends who shared one intimate night reconnect and begin to dream of a better life together.

Jack

Cognitive Dissonance & Decoherence - @prolix-yuy - chaptered (complete) > WestWorld injected with a sentient host Jack.

losin' you - wildemaven - oneshot > The beginnings of reconciliation between exes at a rodeo.

Javi P.

Paranoid Heart - goodwithcheese - chaptered (complete) > Two souls who are a bit too worldly wise for Laredo meet through their parents and fall for one another. [Still working my way through this one!]

Seen - katareyoudrilling - oneshot > Older reader refuses to take Javi’s flirty attitude at face value, but finds the man behind the bravado appealing.

Go Your Own Way - schnarfer - oneshot > The development and decline of a complicated romance with young fuckboy Javi.

Joel

No outbreak/fully alternate universe AUs

Maintenance Request - @burntheedges - chaptered (ongoing) > Lit prof reader and [official title redacted] Joel meet as he works on facilities maintenance and landscaping around campus Helen - @kiwisbell - chaptered (ongoing) > John Wick AU but where the wife character lives and angst about revelations of the past ensues. nervous joel oneshot - wildemaven - oneshot > Joel is feeling anxious about satisfying the reader during their first time together.

Jackson AUs

Seams - @fuckyeahdindjarin - chaptered with additional series oneshots (ongoing) > Seamstress reader meets Joel when he needs help with his pants and the flirty beginnings of a relationship bloom. baby, i'm yours - @joelsgreys - oneshot > Joel has insecurities about being good enough for the reader. You Brought Me Poison Flowers - @ohforficsake - chaptered (ongoing) > OC Lennie runs the Jackson apothecary. we've got one thing in common, it's this tongue of mine - @youcancallmeelle - series (two parts, of which this is one) > A fun clandestine relationship.

Post-Outbreak AU

safe and sound - @janaispunk - chaptered (ongoing) > Joel & Ellie crash land at the reader’s home post Joel getting stabbed.

Lucien

this high of you & me - kedsandtubesocks - oneshot > Dealer!Lucien shotgunning with reader.

Hungry Eyes - @missredherring - oneshot > Ex!Lucien observes the changes in reader's confidence at a party where she’s with her new beau.

Marcus P.

Only for you - burntheedges - oneshot > Established early relationship. Reader has a variety of piercings that Marcus finds exciting.

All About the Bass - katareyoudrilling - oneshot > Musicians!reader and Marcus meet at community orchestra rehearsals.

Headshots - @secretelephanttattoo - series (complete) > Photographer!reader is hired to take headshots for the FBI and meets Marcus. Series covers their relationship over several years.

Wash Day - secretelephanttattoo - oneshot > Established early relationship. Marcus washes the reader's hair.

Third Time’s the Charm - the-blind-assassin-12 - series (complete) > Marcus and reader navigating their early relationship while he travels for work and settles into life in DC.

Shane & Tim

bloody kisses by @perotovar - chaptered (ongoing) > Shane’s gay awakening is full of angst and a bit of getting into trouble. He gets help (and eventually help? 👀) from one Det. Tim Rockford.

#marchficmadness24 #reclist #reading roundup #feeling kinda weird about tagging so many people I don't know so well #but also didn't want to not tag people in case they like to see when their work is recced?#eep #if you'd like to be removed just lmk!

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havendance · 2 days

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hii haven! thinking of getting a comic on steph to join my favs and start reading about her, but i'm not the most knowledgable when it comes to her character and have no idea where to start. do you have any suggestions for me? thanks! <3

So to start, the thing about Steph is that she is very much a supporting character throughout most of her time. This means that comics with her are going to be very scattered and it's harder to find stuff focused on her. If you're the person who likes long lists of comics, I'll link you to this (very indepth) reading list by @bitimdrake. This basically has every comic she shows up in post-crisis broken down into eras so it is very informative, but also has the potential to be intimidating.

Now for specifically buying comics featuring Steph, I'll point you in a few different directions (Note: this will be focused on collected editions since I am of the opinion that if you're looking for single issues, your best bet is to go out and dig around until you find something with her on the cover and then go for it. It may be bad, it may be good, but I think it will certainly be fun. That being said, if you do want recs for individual storylines/issues, feel free to send a followup):

Batgirl: Stephanie Brown Vol. 1 -- This collects the first half of Steph's one and only solo run. It has what no other option on the list has, and that is a complete focus on her. It also has the advantage that it's being reprinted and will be released on October 22nd, just a month from now, so it will be easy for you to obtain. A lot of people really like this run and think it's fun. The main downsides I can think of for this is that it's set right at the end of post-crisis and also features her as Batgirl rather than spoiler so if you're interested in exploring an earlier era for her, it's less suited for that.

(Honestly, the trade that features the most both as spoiler and a key player post-crisis is probably, uh, War Games which is... it's own can of worms. I do not think I need to tell you that while this was a significant storyline for her it was not good and you should not start here at all.)

Batman: The Dark Knight Detective Vol. 8 -- In contrast to the first item on this list, this volume goes all the way to the beginning of Steph's history and collects her introduction storyline. Pros to this comic is that it was released just last year so it should still be easy to find and it's her introduction--which is iconic. Downsides: she only shows up for 3 of 12 collected issues (this will be a common thread through the rest of these recs). That being said, if you're interested in more than just her I think this is a pretty good volume for that as it also contains a Batman and Robin (Tim Drake) team-up storyline, an annual that has wormed it's way into my brain, and also the story that reintroduces Huntress into bat comics.

Robin Vol. 3: Solo -- Once again, Stephanie shows up for a three issue storyline, this time in Robin comics! Most of the points for Dark Knight Detective apply here, honestly. It has a team-up story with her and Tim that I remember enjoying and otherwise collects Robin comics.

Finally, I'll toss out trades from Tynion's run on Detective Comics. This is from rebirth rather than post-crisis continuity wise and I think Steph fans tend to not like this series as much for her. I personally enjoyed her arc in it. That being said, this is a team comic and she is a member of the ensemble in it. I think I'd probably recommend the first two trades of this in terms of where she has more story focus.

Hopefully this helps and gives you some ideas!

#letters to the editor #1vyyxo #dc #batman #stephanie brown #bats + birds + affiliated #carthago delenda est

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avatar-news · 2 years

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Exclusive: Avatar Studios' slate will consist of a new animated movie AND show debuting every year starting in 2025, including the adult Gaang movie and new earth Avatar show in 2025, and the now RE-CONFIRMED ZUKO MOVIE and KYOSHI MOVIE, both now UNDATED

Here’s the followup to yesterday’s big news that a new animated series following the next earth Avatar after Aang & Korra is coming in 2025.

Today, we can provide a more complete picture of the long-term animated slate and some specific updates to previous projects we reported on.

First: the big picture. Starting in 2025, Avatar Studios will release an animated movie to theaters AND an animated show on Paramount+ every year.

The current animated slate is concretely planned to cover the first three years (2025-2027) but there are more projects than slots in development so it will likely continue beyond that as well if the franchise is as successful as we all obviously hope it is, which we’ll get to.

Here’s an idea of what I’m talking about:

2025

Animated movie: adult Gaang - 10.10.2025

Animated show: next earth Avatar

2026

Animated movie

Animated show

2027

Animated movie

Animated show

This is the exact information I have right now from Paramount, what I don’t know is whether the shows will be cumulative, i.e. whether 2026 will have Season 2 of the earth Avatar show AND Season 1 of the 2026 show. I do know that the 2025 show and 2026 show are two different things, so either the 2025 earth Avatar show will be a one-year limited series, or 2026 will have both and 2027 will potentially have all three. (I will say the 2026 show is NOT a mainline entry in the franchise. Bryke said they were exploring different mediums, styles, audiences, and this one is more of a side thing, so I’m personally guessing the earth Avatar show will continue, but that’s just my guess. I haven’t been given permission to share any of the 2026 or 2027 shows/movies yet.)

Onto some more specific things I can share...

The Zuko movie still exists and is separate from the adult Gaang movie

So glad I could finally sort this one out. For a long time it’s been unclear whether the “project with a Zuko-focused story” and the adult Gaang movie were the same thing or not. I can now say that the newest info I’ve gotten from Paramount is that they’re two separate movies. It’s fairly safe to assume that the Zuko movie is still second in the slate, meaning 2026, but without 100% hard evidence I’m gonna call it undated for now, which in this case means maybe 2026, maybe 2027, maybe post-2027.

The Kyoshi movie still exists and is now undated

So we arrive at the big confusion, which I will address in depth below. 😂 But first I wanted to say that based on new info shared with me, a Kyoshi movie definitely was one of the earlier projects in the works earlier this year. Based on the wider picture of the slate I have now, it seems that it has been delayed to outside of the first-three-years slate and is now undated, which in this case means actually undated and post-2027.

(Source for Kyoshi movie *update*: DanielRPK)

(I haven’t heard anything new about Korra stuff in a while so I don’t have an *update*, but I strongly assume she’ll still have movies and/or shows at some point post-2025.)

So there you have it! We now know the cadence of Avatar Studios’ slate is one movie and show per year, and we know both the movie and show for the first year. We also know some of the other projects without certain dates yet.

If you’re just here for the news, that’s what I got for you today. If you’re interested in a long, super nitty-gritty explanation of the whole “Kyoshi movie first” mistake from earlier this year, a mystery I mercifully FINALLY solved thanks to yesterday’s and today’s news, read on!

Finally an explanation for the Kyoshi movie debacle from earlier this year

With the new info I learned and shared yesterday, I finally got the last piece of the puzzle explaining what happened with the whole Kyoshi movie vs Aang movie mistake I made earlier this year.

I’m doing this because I was wondering what happened as much as everyone else, because I would never lie or make something up and have no reason to and no desire to, and I can finally give you an exact play-by-play of what went wrong.

Here’s how it all went down:

1) Avatar News on May 16: “Animated Avatar prequel and Zuko theatrical films in development”

Entirely innocuous, I never said any dates or orders, just that these were two of the projects in development. One thing I want to clear up here is that I never said that they were only working on these two or that they were only working on two at all, just that two of the many projects happened to be these. So the fact that they later publicly said they’re currently planning on releasing three is completely orthogonal to this post, I never said how many they were doing, just... at LEAST two, because we knew of two.

2) Avatar News on June 17: “Paramount and Avatar Studios’ slate of animated Avatar movies coming to theaters: Kyoshi (2024), Zuko (2025), Korra (2026)”

Obviously where it went wrong, but we didn’t know it yet.

So this is what happened.

By June 16th, I had publicly said

A prequel movie was in development

A Zuko movie was in development

Privately, me and my sources knew, but I didn’t have permission to post publicly:

An Aang-era movie was in development

A Korra-era movie was in development

The first movie was targeting a 2024 release

The second movie was targeting a 2025 release

The Zuko movie was definitely the second movie

All of this was directly from Paramount, none of it was a guess in any way.

We didn’t know how many movies total were currently planned or what the first was. We didn’t know whether the Aang-era movie and Zuko movie were the same. We didn’t know if the prequel movie was the same as anything else either.

On June 17th, Avatar Studios announced that they were working on three movies. This meant that we knew the second movie but not the first and the third.

They also released a teaser for their first project exclusively for attendees of the 2022 Annecy International Animation Film Festival. I spoke to one of the audience members (an Avatar fan that already followed me, which is quite common because of how big my accounts are, ffs this is not a conspiracy lol) and they told me what the teaser contained (which is explained in post 2). The main takeaway: they told me it ended on the earthbending symbol. I also had no reason to distrust them as they were a public-facing journalist invited to the festival.

So with all this new info out, I reached out to my sources to see if we could put together what the three movies were (specifically, what the first and third were).

That day, the main new thing I got confirmed was a certain movie in development: a Kyoshi movie (which was probably what the “prequel” movie was, but that was never really a point of controversy).

So we now knew:

A) First-year movie B) First-year earth element project C) Kyoshi movie in development

These were incorrectly conflated into one thing during this game of telephone:

First-year (A+B) Kyoshi (B+C) movie (A+C)

So there you have it... a really boring, mundane explanation lol. I apologize for incorrectly conflating them and thus believing Avatar Studios’ first project was a Kyoshi movie. BUT. At the time it was not spelled out literally as easy as ABC, it was lots of small bits of information from different sources in different contexts. Another really important thing to note is that it would have been nearly impossible for Avatar Studios to make more than one project by 2024, so we assumed there could only be one in the first year, which psychologically made it the natural human outcome for all info about first-year projects to be treated as one first-year project.

I also want to note that I was aware of all this which is why I said very clearly in the post that the order and dates of the projects could change. It was still fact that a Kyoshi movie was in development, a Zuko movie was in development, and a Korra movie was in development. The dates were also fact (well, 2024 and 2025 were, 2026 was a preeetty safe assumption).

And now I’ve explained why the subject of the first movie was wrong, which I only myself finally figured out yesterday with that new info, so I’m personally really glad the mystery was finally resolved.

3) Avatar News on July 22: “Breaking from SDCC: The first Avatar Studios movie coming to theaters in 2024 will no longer be about Kyoshi, but rather Aang! And, exclusive from Avatar News: it will be set in a time period where Team Avatar are young adults!”

Avatar Studios publicly announced the subject of the first movie at SDCC, contradicting my June 17 post.

I always knew the schedule could change so I didn’t really think this was a huge deal. Keep in mind that they literally had a teaser with the earthbending symbol a month earlier. I assumed that in that month the plan had just changed.

At some point between June 17 and July 22, I also learned that the Gaang would be adults in their first Avatar Studios appearance. This gave me the PERFECT place to announce that, and I want to point out that as of today that’s STILL an Avatar News exclusive that hasn’t been contradicted. The official statement is just that it’s “Aang and his friends”. Them being (young) adults is not official and comes only from Avatar News.

4) Avatar News on November 10: “BREAKING: Avatar Studios’ first animated movie, featuring Aang and Team Avatar as young adults, hits theaters on October 10th, 2025”

This was publicly officially announced in the film industry.

As I mentioned before, the launch year target of 2024 was directly from Paramount, I didn’t guess it or make it up (which I also said in the original post!).

Movies take a long time to make so it’s no conspiracy that by the time they made a public announcement the release date was one year later than their earlier internal estimates.

5) Avatar News on December 22: “Exclusive: The next Avatar animated series, featuring the earth Avatar after Aang & Korra, is coming in 2025 from Paramount and Avatar Studios”

and

6) Avatar News on December 23: “Exclusive: Avatar Studios' slate will consist of a new animated movie AND show debuting every year starting in 2025, including the adult Gaang movie and new earth Avatar show in 2025, and the now RE-CONFIRMED ZUKO MOVIE and KYOSHI MOVIE, both now *UNDATED*.”

(You’re reading 6 right now lol.)

FINALLY it all came together.

Their plan is one movie and show every year. This will start in 2025 and it makes complete sense they wouldn’t be able to do two projects by 2024.

We’ve known about the first-year movie since July (adult Gaang), now we know that the first-year show is the next earth Avatar.......... which explains the teaser at Annecy with an earth symbol, and the domino effect that caused everything I explained in section 2 above.

Once again, I’m glad this mystery was finally solved and that anyone who cares is satisfied by the explanation, I know it was insanely satisfying for me to finally get that last piece of the puzzle yesterday!

To any troopers who made it this far, thanks for reading, thanks for supporting Avatar News, and get hype for all the cool projects on their way in the years to come! :)

#news #movie #paramount plus #aang movie #next earth avatar #zuko movie #kyoshi movie #avatar news exclusive #danielrpk

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antagonistchan · 6 months

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Sequel

Antagonist Gets Her Shit Together: The Movie, my attempt to chronicle my repair of my life, began in 2018. It was titled the Movie because I wanted it to be a fast and explosive process.

Clearly it did not end up being such. In 2020, I actually felt like it was nearing completion, and I could transition to Antagonist Gets Her Shit Together: The Animated Series, a more chill and relaxed long-term followup... but then Covid happened and derailed everything. In 2021, I actually realized how much I'd failed at this, but I didn't really do much about it at the time. I felt like it was kinda too late to do much about it.

But it's been another few years. My AGHST:TM posts have become few and far between. And I've been in a bit of a colossal downward spiral lately. Hell, I've actually become a bit destructive- doing more harm than good to some people I care deeply about. And now, the straw has broken the camel's back pretty severely (not as badly as I was initially afraid, but still pretty badly).

For a few hours, I just wallowed in self-hatred and concern. But now I'm feeling determined.

I need, more than ever, to get my fucking act together.

So, I'm officially starting Antagonist Gets Her Shit Together 2.

I'm determined to make this one legitimately faster- two years at max, hopefully closer to one year- and actually follow it up with a more relaxed and longterm "TAS" followup.

I need to regain control of my schedule, make forward progress in my life again, and be better to all of my loved ones- including myself.

#antagonist originals #antagonist gets her shit together: the movie #antagonist gets her shit together 2

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factorialsotherfandoms · 7 months

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Fic Recs!

So there's a thing to make 10 fic recs, so... Going through my bookmarks for some favourites... Numbered only so I keep track. A number of these have content warnings, please check the tags and descriptions of the fics themselves when you follow through <3 have not tagged people as I get awkward about it, ask if you would like to be tagged ^^. All QSMP as it's the resent fandom I can do easily.

I'm starting with cheating and becauseplot's Little Dagger AU, which is 3 fics but shhh. Especially the second two fics, which is post-FI Cellbit deciding he lives in Felps' house now. It's very funny and very sad if you stop and think, which is a wonderful combo no?

Less cheating! and it’s not the same (but maybe that’s okay) by a_Saga_in_progress. Do you want Slime and CodeFlippa feelings? Have some Slime and CodeFlippa feelings.

how to (not) deal with asymmetry by Solaneceae! Tazercraft horrible hours! A delightfully messed up version of their souls being melded together, plus some of the followup from after Mike's coma where Pac has grown and Mike... hasn't.

You And Me Were Built For Violence by WSDanon. I'm sure you've seen this about - it's an AU in which Tazercraft end up on 2b2t following the Prison escape, and run into Fit there. In progress, but every chapter is very satisfying by itself. Currently featuring: cannibalism angst! And also regular angst. And hugs.

My lungs still breathe and my mind still fears by Ashbluegamer! Missa gets stranded a long way from spawn after a death, so far out his communicator refuses to work properly. People look for him, but it's still a long way back.

kintsugi kid by thanotaphobia (blue000jay). Tubbo and Fit in the aftermath of Purgatory. I'm... Not sure I can really add more to that? Once again, angst.

ground level where the dry leaves blow by Odaigahara. I struggled a bit to pick which of their QSMP fics to pick (and got the wrong link the first time oops), but given how much I reread this one how could I not? An AU in which Missa is a priest of death, waking up in a grave mutilated and at risk of dying in such a way that traps his soul in his decaying flesh for eternity. Philza is here, ofc.

Another cheating, and this time not even all in a connected plot >.< the series q!philza works (+codebreakerduo) by hattrem. Has a delightful selection of Philza & Etoiles works. I'm especially fond of the one where Etoiles repeatidly bleeds to death, but I can also recommend imposter!Wilbur.. Well all 4 as I put the whole series here, but you get the point.

Rainy Echoes by mochitoaster. While Mike is gone, Pac has a panic attack about a storm. Cellbit makes things both worse and better. Don't you want Cellbit to make things both worse and better? Because I always do.

so what if i'm crazy (all the best people are) by songbirdscoo. To quote my bookmark "Cellbit meets Tubbo and helps him commit some crimes, and Tubbo only gets a little bit shot!"

There were some really close seconds but the event says pick 10 >.<

#IFD2024 #fanfic rec #other people's fic #qsmp fic recs #qsmp

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popculturebuffet · 1 year

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Mutant Month: The 2021 Hellfire Gala: The X-Men Conquer Mars: Comissioned by WeirdKev27

Hello all you happy mutants and welcome to our big finale to Mutant Month! Over this month we've taken a look at the X-Men's first apperance in animation, one of their greatest stories ever and the debut of one of the greatest x-men period, so it's only fit to end this monumental mutanty month with some fireworks: We're taking a look at the first annual Hellfire Gala, aka one of the x-men stories I brought up the most for some time: that time the x-men colonized mars, now known as planet Arakko.

For those of you who like Kev, who comissioned this, stopped for a second from scrolling and went

Allow me to present you with the grand tale of how Mutantkind terraformed an entire planet as a one two punch of solving a massive looming diplomatic crisis... and using it as the big main event of their version of the met gala. Your invitation is on the table, so take it with me, get your flowers pinned on so you can go through the gate, and join the party under the cut. Afterparty on Arakko bitches.

Well, How Did We Get Here?

So to get to the Hellfire Gala I have to get into the krakoan era of x-men, an era tha'ts reaching it's twilight but is still ongoing and has been one of my favorites in comics.

This era of X-History comes after a fairly bleak time in x-men comics: See in the mid 2010's, Marvel tried outright dismantling the x-men. Since the MCU didn't have the rights to them, Marvel was trying hard to not give Fox any more ammo, forgetting they still got mech money out of the x-men existing. They also just outright canceled fantastic four. Because who needs the founding family of the marvel universe if we can't merch the hell out of them amirite?

So despite the X-Men having JUST WARDED OFF EXTINCTION a few years ago, post secret wars they decided to push the Inhumans , anothe rgroup of superpowered beings they'd already set up clevery and uniquely as their own thing last era without stepping on the x-men's toes, as the new x-men and to shoe out the old.

What followed.. is one of the dumbest things i've seen in all of comics. So to push the Inhumans.. they decided the best way was to make the cloud of terrigen mist that created new inhumans... TOXIC TO MUTANTS. So that the Inhumans were casually allowing a toxic murder cloud to kill tons of people.. just to keep more of them existing.

I.. cannot find the words for how tonedeaf, short sighted and just plain moronic this was. You can't just.. kill one group to make another group popular. Queen didn't consume the beating hearts of all four beetles to become awesome. They just were. And the inhumans books.. were GOOD. Charles Soule was doing an utterly fantastic job on them and continued to for the entire run. You didn't need this shit. Instead it sunk the inhumans so that the followup, Royal, by one of my favorite writers in all of comics Al Ewing, got cut short and the inhumans were then mostly killed and those left put into exile. Except Lockjaw. Everyone loves a giant teleporting dog monster. He could stay.

Afterwords while Disney didn't have the rights back YET, Marvel realized they couldn't just magically flimflam fans and tried a half hearted attempt at boosting the x-men: They returned to sorta prominence.. but the new runs weren't given a huge push in the marvel universe as whole. We got the underrated classics X-Men Blue and Iceman, the former finishing up Cullen Bunn's awesome magneto trilogy and the latter redefining Bobby now he was an out and proud gay man, but the other flagship book at the time, yes there were two, x-men gold had a great status quo (Kitty Pryde as Xavier's School headmistress and x-men leader, and the institute now being located in central park), but was given to Mark Guggenhiem instead of a more compitent hand, resulting in a series long rehash of better stories... and one actually GOOD story mixed in.

It was clear while Marvel was willing to use the x-men again, they needed to actually use their whole ass. Enter Jonathan Hickman. For those not familiar with him

Jonathan Hickman is one of the best writer's in comics, and has had storied runs on all three of Marvel's biggest teams, all having a major impact and all really dang good, with a knack for longterm plotting, high sci fi concepts and quotable as hell lines and arc phrases. Hickman left marvel after Secret Wars 2015, his grand finale to his avengers run and intended as an end to his time at marvel so he could move on to new horizons, planning to give the compettition a ring. And while sadly that meant we didn't get what would've been likely THE definitive teen titans run, though i'm sure we'll get it some day as DC would be nuts not to let him do it, Marvel simply had an offer too tempting for him to pass up: Run the X-Men.

Something I never knew before his interviews for this era.. is that while Jonathan Hickman liked marvel... he never really read most of their comics before his runs. When he did Fantastic Four and Avengers, he studied heavily. Granted it shows how good a writer he is that it dosen't show and he clearly gained an apprceation for both. It's also a NEEDED reminder for comic book writers: YOU CAN JUST RESEARCH SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW. I know it sounds obvious but plenty of writers , Brian Micheal Bendis in paticular, don't seem to understand that.

For X-Men though, they were his intro into comics, the books he picked up as a kid. The playset he always wanted but during his first run at marvel the timing just never synched up. So Hickman gathered a crack team of writers and took an approach I feel most lines in comics should follow: he set up a writer's room, allowing the writers of all the books to bounce ideas off each other, which made the books better, and approach that's stuck even after he left and will hopefully.

The results of all this hard work? House of X and Powers of X, a set of two interconnected mini series that serve as essentially one big mini series setting up a brave new world for mutantkind. Hickman used the various attempted genocides on the x-men as a backdrop, including the m-pox, and another one that took place in the crappy uncanny x-men run between series that i'll no doubt have inflicted on me one day. And more importantly the fact that Mankind and most other heroes had done the bare minimum to help if that.

So the X-Men decided to once again start their own country. Except unlike previous attempts, they made an effort to become a global power, to play the game of nations. In this case they created plants that helped stave off diseases like althimerz, and leveraged them in exchange for acceptance a nation. Xavier had given up on his dream and instead had a new one: suing for peace.

If that sounds divisive.. that was the intent. That you get why the x-men are doing this, but also see that this has a real danger of them loosing their way and making shadier decisions... not helped by them offering amnesty to ALL mutants including past foes. Exploring the complexities of this is what makes this era so fantastic: the x-men are hoarding world changing advancments.. but after the world spat on them for so long while good men did nothing half the time, you can't blame them. As Cyclops expertly puts it in the first issue.

And yet many have issues with how dogmatic the ruling body of Krakoa, the quiet council is being, the shady decisions, the backdoor deals. It's a mixed blessing: Mutankind has home, saftey, wants for nothing.. but is the price tag worth it?

They also have one other thing, a secret to the world at this point: Resurrection. For years, in part thanks to seeming non mutant ally revealed to be secret mutant Moria Mactaggert, long story, and her longgame planning, Xavier had worked out a plan to cure death. It was both a way to raise the stakes.. and to just as importantly undo a LOT of crappy shock deaths for mutantkind, to bring back characters who'd been dead for DECADES and no one simply had gotten around to them. Death was over, mutantkind was truly immortal.

The process is also unique, using the five, five mutants working in concert, turning the non viable eggs made by goldballs, now dubbing himself egg, into viable clone bodies using a combination of reality warping from former foe proteus, life giving powers from elixer to make them viable, time from tempus to speed them up, and the boosting powers of Hope, the mutant messiah, to make this all possible.

So as a result, any mutant come back, mutants now had freedom and fancy organic warp gates, and a homeland on Krakoa, a mutant who as once an island that walked like a man but was now the benevloent home of all mutantkind.

So your probably wondering how all this somehow esclated FURTHER. Well that's a lot as the Hellfire Gala is the result of a few ongoing story beats all rolled together in a delicous tortilla.

The first is the gala itself. The Hellfire Club was normally the x-men's foes, a group of rich assholes who used their secret society to try and conquer the world through BUISNESSS! and other persuits. And also often wore bondage gear because Chris Claremont is not shy about his fetishes.

For Krakoa though, they became the Hellfire Trading Company. Emma Frost, teacher, x-man and 100% that bitch, had built up a huge fortune again during the meantime and was convinced by Magneto and Xavier to invest it in the children. It's a consitent thing: While Emma can be cold, has a sarcastic tounge bar none, she's always cared about the future of their species and always been protective of young mutants.

So Emma , in addition to a seat of the table, runs the BUISNESS side of things, and thus the inner circle of the hellfire trading company became the large shipping end for mutantkind. They buy the drugs, they light the fire, they are Humankind's main suplier. While other parts of krakoa focus on the growing of the life saving drugs, Emma's the one who markets and ships it, with two others to help: Kitty Pryde, her former enemy turned close friend who as head of the Marauders, lead a pirate crew of x-men to save mutants trapped in countries who didn't go for Krakoa's deal and do drug shipments, while Sebastian Shaw, king of the assholes and enemy of emmas, was given the job of smuggling. He also tried to Kill kitty suprising no one. And Emma and Kitty responded by beating the piss out of him and leaving him in a wheelchair for a while, suprising even less.

Emma being her usual extra self, decided the best way to show off their power as a nation, their wealth and what they could offer.. was a giant ass party with friend and foe alike invited. So threaded throughout the first year and a half of the marauders was Emma's plans for the Gala, with her having Magneto buy an island to host it on. It's such a character rich thing: buying a whole ass island to throw a giant party that's one part diplomatic work and one part "go fuck yourself racist assholes". It's Emma Frost.

The second part leading to all of this was a myth arc that spread through the first year of the comic. One of Mutantkind's most dreaded foes, Apocalypse.. willingly joined them and was given a sympathetic backstory: turns out his "survivial of the fittiest schtick" was because his wife had to send Krakoa's other half, Arrako, into the gates of hell to save the world, taking their children, his original four horseman, because of course Apocalypse has four horseman have you seen the man? He's not subtle.

So he inacted a plan to bring Arrako back, leading to the event X of Swords, where Arrako, taken by the demons they were fighting the amenth, planned to invade earth. Thankfully they pissed off Saturynyne, omniversal magistreix and registered asshole who turned it into a tournament arc: ten swordsman from each side, winner takes all.

Naturally this contest ran by a manevloent schemer from beyond dimensions and against demons had consequences: one of the mutants on our side, Gorgon, died, Doug Ramsey got married, and yes that was indeed a match, and storm killed the embodiment of death. Normal x-men stuff. I really don't have time to go over it all as it's 22 issues long. Not hyperbole. It's a decent if entirely bloated event.

The climax is what's important: the rules got broke, and while Xavier and Magneto's plan was to do nothing and hope it works out, sacrifcing the mutants they had trapped there, Cyclops and Jean grey said

Especially since their son Cable, a cool teen at the time, was in danger. So Cyclops gathered every mutant he could... aka PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE ON KRAKOA NOT ON THE QUIET COUNCIL to storm the gates, leading to an epic battle, and the freeing of Apocalpyse's wife genisis and his remaning kids. Apocalypse decided to have a family road trip across amenth as part of the deal, but in trade the x-men got Arakko back.

The problem was.. Arakko had just spent the last centuries fighting demons and living to eat, murder and conquest. So while Krakoa doubling size was a good thing on paper, as was the new mutants added, in practice it set off a massive political powder keg, with the Arakko mutants gleefully ransacking nearbye areas and refusing to not conquer. While the x-men were fine to inheret the earth once humanity burned itself out, the Arakko didn't want to wait. They needed somewhere to go.

So that dear friends and readers brings us to the gala itself a massive crossover event.. but a unique one. Every issue of every x-book intersected wtih the party of the summer, but only the four we're covering today were the big takeaway points. It was a fun crossover too, a way for all the books to intersect, while leaving the core trim enough to let someone just wanting the big takeaways to only have to pick up 4 books that month. I MIGHT do the rest another day but honestly besides saving kev a lot of money.. it just made more sense to just do the core storyline, to do the part you all came here for, and maybe do the other issues some other day. Thankfully future gala's are much smaller for next year and beyond.

So let's mosey on over shall we as the festivties begin.

Mauraders #24: The party kicks off naturally with Mauraders, the Hellfirecentric book. We open with Kitty, Sebastian and Emma all awaiting the guests. Emma is wearing one of three outfits she has for the night and all of mutantkind is wearing their finest.

Okay Kitty's wearing her finest, emma just has a giant cur cape with an x cut out, because her brand and what not, and a giant head piece that says NOTICE HOW RICH I AM, and Sebstian Shaw is dressed as some sort of war grandpa, wearing a suit LESS fancy than what he usually wears, but weirldy bedecked in tassles, with a fur cape and supervillian eyepatch. I mean the last part's on brand for him but all together it's just fucking weird even by the standards of this gala, held off the coast of two giant monsters.

So as Emma waits security, done by X-Force Krakoa's black ops division, lets in our first guests , fitting them with flowers so they can pass through the krakoan gates for the gala and any afterparties. The Krakoan Gates are giant flowery gates world wide that allow mutantkind to pass through them.. except kitty pryde due to how her powers work: since she goes THROUGH barriers, the thing kinda futzes out with her.

Our inaugral guests are naturally earth's mighteiest heroes, the avengers, consiting at the time of the Captain America (Steve Rogers), Iron Man (Tony Stark), Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers), Thor (Odinson), She Hulk, Ghost Rider (Robbie Reyes) and Blade. yes THAT blade. It's honestly a good roster I liked a lot, bringing things back to the classics while adding a few weird touches like Blade and Robbie. The run itself.. was hit and miss, paticuarlly having She Hulk as a regular hulk instead of her usual self, despite the previous run of her solo having finally gotten her out of that state.. for no clear reason really. It was just bad. Thankfully those dark times are over and the tv show's only made sure that won't be happening again. Tony flies in on his own, not trusting the tech and you know.. being kind of an asshole he has to make a bit "NOTICE ME EVERYONE" entrance. Also boarding are the world's greatest heroes, the Fantastic Four, along with their children Franklin and Valerea and The Thing's wife Alicia Masters. Things are a bit rockier between these groups so gather up people as it's time for EVEN MORE EXPOSITION

So since his introduction Franklin had been a mutant.. and since he and the team as a whole had come back in Dan Slott's run, his power had been shorting out. Krakoa, wanting to both help him and naturally add another powerful mutant to the pile, reached out, and unsuprisingly fighting insured between both sides, Reed Richards pulled a Richards and disabled his son's ablility to use the gates, Franklin ran away, ended up with Doctor Doom, and both sides settled things long enough to stop it. IT's a story I will likely cover some day and ended on a positve note: Franklin would alternate between both the baxter buildling and krakoa, while Xavier, not pleased reed had the kind of tech he did, erased the gate supression tech from his brain and told him to his face he'd done it, to tell reed "never again"

So naturally FF writer Dan Slott's reaction to this promising, engaging new status quo was to say "fuck it" and retcon that franklin just MADE HIMSELF into a mutant with his powers, once they were gone he wasn't one, and Xavier basically told him go the fuck away. It is one of the dumbest, most waasteful, egotistical, selfish moves i've seen in comics, doing this simply because you had to share idaes and plans with someone else. At the time of this writing it hasn't been undone, but I woudln't be suprised if current writer Ryan North or future writers undid this or at the very least found a good angle for it.

For now we do at least get this page.

I assume it was a smart, well thought out intellectual GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU OLD MAN. Also while i'll defend the cerebro helmet, I love the look and while the usual version wht the black jumpsuit is plain, it works for the story that's being told... this version is just.. what Iam I even looking at. The extra uncessary packs on his helmet, the gold and green, and then he has the fucking gall to say that to Franklin. I do like him bonding with Kitty, who the mini established was tight with the kind after the 80's era crossover where a younger frankllin talked a younger kitty out of unaliving herself. Another series to add to the pile.

So the party kicks off with a concert from Rhapsody, a forgotten mutant who sadly died during he one apperance in the first peter David Run of x-factor who can make people see things via music. By linking her up to some telepaths, the conert allows everyone present to participate.. except Doom whose naturally being a mopey pants about things. DOOM IS ALWAYS A MOPEY PANTS FOR HE IS DOOM!

The party then goes into full swing and we get some nice moments. ben, upon seeing a bunch of the marauders and an aim guy playing dice on a boat chastizes them.. for not telling him

While Cap and Doom have a stare down watched by celebrity guests Run the Jewels, two of my faviorite rappers in existance as a duo, Killer Mike and E-LP

Before Cap can close his eyes and count to fuck, Emma steps in to stop them, with Doom incensed at mutantkind for considering themselves superior, pot meet kettle, but we get a rare doom laugh , an da great joke when Emma, insiting the mutants haven't claimed earth..

So the party moves on. We get some specific plot beats for Mauraders itself i'll gloss over, some reunions of old friends as Northstar and Vindicator catch up, and Cap talking to his old aqunatince Henry Peter Gyrinch. For those who haven't heard of this douche... good. But since I brought him up Henry was Marvel Comics token asshole beurcrat: he was first introduced making the avengers job harder, tried to bring them to court over Scarlet Witch wanting to you know, leave, as is her right, was the head of the anti mutant witch hunts of the 80s, has joined several sense, and tried to deport all aliens on earth during Dark Reign. In short no one likes him, he's working with Orchis, the big bads of this era, surprising no one, and everyone everywhere celebrated when he died a few months after this. He's there to compare Krakoa to latveria and call steve an optimist for.. not assuming the Mutants are evil.

We also get one of the greatest scenes in comics as Emma oggles caps and plans to see america's ass up close.. only to read that she reminds him of his mother telepathically, horrifying her. Note that Cap's next solo run.. fully confirms that despite this, she STILL went for it and he was fine with it, his current girlfriend Sharon Carter being fine if he steps out as their apart for months at a time. It's cool. And yes folks, Cap has a mommy kink. And that is awesome.

We then get a nice scene of Emma gathering her staff including Jumbo Carnation, a mutant designer introduced to die during New X-Men and brought back here to do most of the fashions for this event, and Somilier, an expert mutant chef to thank them all.

Cue the fireworks.. which we'll get to shortly, but we see the reactions of everyone: All the bigots in attendence are rattled, as is Doctor Strange, who understandably needs to duck out to figure out what the hell this means, and Tony, who congradulates Cyclops on solving one problem.. but warns him he might of made an even bigger mess. But this being steve rogers he also ends his stern warning on "I just hope you know what you people are doing". He's worreid sure, they just conquered mars and knows what the backlash will be.. but he also is aware they likely know what their doing and as always has faith in the best in people.

Onto X-Men

X-Men #21

While the Hellfire Gala kicked off and continued a lot of exciting bits of the Krakoan Era it also marked a major ending: The final issue of Jonathan Hickman's ongoing X-Men title, with the previous one having set up his proper exit with Inferno later that year.

Hickman's X-Men was the flagship title for the books, a series of one to two issue stories that set up the world of Krakoa and showed off how this nation worked.

And naturally for the viewpoint character, Hickman picked the very first x-man and one of mutantkind's finest, Cyclops. Scotty needed the rub. Since AvX a chunk of X-Books had demonized him as some form of boogie man. While his killing of Charles xavier was shocking.. it was also while he was posssed by the phoenix force, and thus not in full control of his actions. Most characters.. blamed him for it anyway despite there being no logic and treated him as Magneto JR for the crimes of... saving mutants from racists trying to attack them and doing what he was doing. This was compounded by the aformentioned M-Pox era, which killed him off after he FINALLY got everyone's accpetance back.. and once again treated him like a villian for... destroying a cloud of terrgin mist that was killing his people.

He then got brought back from the dead after his teenage counterpart brought from the future, long story that.. but was plopped into that awful uncanny run.

Scotty needed a break, so thankfully Hickman took a special intrest in scott. It helped that with Xavier back and back allegedly doing the right thing, Scott could take a night off of being the leader of all of mutantkind and just enjoy having his dead wife back, a son that's not older with him and presumably regular threesomes with wolverine, who not only is ALSO dating Jean during this era, but lived in Scotts house on the moon. Also , Scott had a house on the moon.

With Hickman leaving though, Scott needed a new direction and Hickman set it up for him on his way out in the aftermath of x of swords. Scott, who was the leader of Krakoa's great captains (their security and people authorized to form a team for whatever threats face this sacred land), and Jean , who was on the quiet council rulling Krakoa, were both utterly fed up with the council's bullshits, from refusing to resurrect Scott's ex wives or any clones period, to sketchy rulings like the one in X of Swords. The two decided there had to be something outside them and that Krakoa still needed heroes.

See while the book was called x-men, Hickman cleverly got away with not actually having a formal team for his tenure. Scott and Jean stepped down to change that, founding a new team. The premise was genius: the team would last for one year in and out of universe, a tour of duty, and be picked entirely by Krakoa itself at the gala.

As a sweet bonus to this already great concept, Marvel left some of the voting up to real life: while most of the team was picked by incoming writer Gerry Duggan, the last member was left up to the fans, a tradition that carried onto the next to galas. In this case Polaris, longtime x-man, twice time x-factor leader, and daughter of magneto won.

We open issue 24 with a followup to something from House and Powers of X: During the mini when building Krakoa Xavier and Magneto approached Namor, prince of the deep, to join the nation. He refused as he had a powerful empire thanks.. and once again refuses when they approach him at the party. They control an island. he controls 75 of the oceans. Call him when you have something more to offer. This plot thread.. never really went anywhere, as Namor turned himself in at the end of Jason Aaron's run on avengers and Atlantis was a non factor by the time the latest gala ended in a bloodbath. We do get this outfit for my boy magneto

Unlike Charles who.. I sitll don't get what he's going for, Erik pulls it off. It also begs the question WHY charles wore his big ass helmet to the party. Max had a WAY cooler helemet that matched his outfit and went with a bitching top hat chuck, what's your excuse.

We then get right to the point: the X-Men vote. And how it's done.. is endlessly cool. Jean telepahtically reaches out to every mutant everywhere.. and the vote happens. The Human Torch is a bit confused... partly because he's not sure how his rap went down

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But mostly because he dosen't know what the heck their doing. Dr. Strange fills him in.

It's a truly awesome way to do it too: it not only left a nice hook for the series, as each person's pitch is shown over the course of Duggan's first year on the title, it's just a neat concept and way to do it. As for who made the cut...

This is such a cool page. I love it dearly. It helps the x-men picked for duty all got great gala outfits, from Rogues which resembles her first uniform, to Shrio's dope as hell suit and wearing his sunfire mask because why wouldn't you if your mask was that sweet, to synch's techincolor suit it's awesome.

So a breakdown of this roster for those less familiar with the x-men. Besides Cyclops, Jean and Rogue, who shoudlnt' need an intro, we have Wolverine, Laura Kinney, also known as X-23, wolverin'es female clone and certified badass, Sunfire, an arrogant frenemy of the x-men's with fire powers and a proud japanese heritage, the aformentioned polaris and Synch, a member of generation x, the 90's class of teenage x-men, recently ressurected after spending a thousand years in a vault. Long story. It's a stellar roster and while Duggan's first year on the book was rocky, it can't be denied this was a great choice for his first for the most part. My only gripe is a lack of diversity, with only two members of the team who aren't white. Otherwise it's a good selection.

So after this we get two pages of Sinsiter being a gossipy bitch before we get to the ending of this issue, a truly amazing scene with a bit of meta flare. A tad cheesy.. but the kind of cheese I like.

So after another cameo by Patton Oswalt, as seen by RTJ the gala had a lot of real life celbreity cameos thrown in, all approved by the people themselves, Kevin Fiege, head of marvel asks Scott a simple question

Is it a tad cheesy to have the head of marvel literally ask a character whose key to their next big franchise his story? Yes.. but I can't help but love it. It's just a fun way to have Cyclops give his story and given marvel comics actually exists in universe, it's not a stretch to say some form of the mcu does either, simply running on the same "offical authorized story" deal they have with most heroes, changing it up for ones whose id's aren't public.

Due to image limits and not wanting to overdue it, the speech stretches over two full pages, i'll have to due with quoting it. But it's one of my faviorite moments of this era so far, and it gets to the heart of who scott summers is NOW.. and just who he is.

"I was blind. Blind to how the world worked...and then I met a man who taught me to see—see how things really were. I loved him for it. And because I loved him—because I believed in him...and, in a way, worshipped him—I claimed things that he had faith in as my own. He called it his dream. It was a good one. But the world, you see—the waking world—were we all live...it is a killer of dreams. A destroyer of things you believe in. So when I grew older, I realized it was foolish to...deify him. Honestly, it's unfair to expect that kind of perfection from anyone. After all, we're all flawed and imperfect... There is no real difference between any of us. No matter how much we believe the lie that there is. You see, he wasn't a savior. He was just a man—a mutant—like me. And his dreams—which still make me smile to this day—are no more valid than anyone else's. Including mine. So what's my story? I'm a dreamer. I'm an X-Man."

Scott is the guy who belviies in Xavier's dream more than the man himself, and while he sidestepped it for a while, as the world wore him down.. he never truly gave up on it.. and he'll never stop fighting for it. So as Scott walks off Emma cues the fireworks.

Planet Size X-Men

So before I get into this one , some context: When this issue happened.. what the fireworks were.. was a suprise. It was kept deathly secret and the reactions seen in marauders were a tease the x-men had done something MASSIVE. While for our purposes here you know the twist I just wanted the context for readers that the x-men colonizing a whole damn planet.. was a massive well done suprise. IT's something this era does well: it hides spoilers VERY well and even when some info has to come out via solicits, it does a great job not telling us everything.

So we open the issue with the reveal of what their doing: The narration is a flashback to someone talking to Forge, the x-men's resident inventor, about IF what their about to do before our eyes is possible. And to start they need a ton of iron, and to plunge it into the planet, then get it nice and hot.

The first part.. is easy given the master of magnet is around and we get a lovely shot of Magneto hauling a giant meteor. This issue's done by Duggan with art by Pepe Laraz, who also did art for House of X and is a phenominal artist, so he not suprisingly knocks it out of the park here. Using the metal they open the planet and as forge puts it "perform open heart surgery" using a team of Hope and Vulcan, Scott Summer's youngest brother who has energy powers> They get it bubbly, Max stirs the sauce with his powers.. and next up is Iceman, who proudly announces himself to the party, whose all viewing this telepathically thanks to Emma Frost

We then flash back to a few days ago. Magneto TRIES to talk some sense into Iscaa the unbeaten, annoyed at the Arakkil shenanigans I mentioned before, but she's unmoved. As long as their of this planet, they'll act as they have and conquer. This likely gave Max the idea.

And his timing for it isn't bad as the Hellfire Trading Company have another problem: their suplies for the lifesaving drugs are running out. The X-Men were doing most of their production in the savage land, a land where dinosaurs never died out, but the super science golden girls stole most of it, so they REALLY need a new place for production. Mags asks to borrow Emma's spaceship.. and prepares his pitch.

The next day Cap and Cyclops talk at westchester, with Cyclops assuring Cap there's a solution to the arakko problem, which gets him to come to the gala. Max pitches his plan to the quiet council and it's a rare unanmous "YES".

Cut to the morning of the gala and while Mags has a lot of the pieces he needs.. he needs more. So he first goes to Jamie Braddock, brother of Bestsy (Formerly Psylocke now Captain Britan) and Brian (also Captain Britan), and half mad reality warper, who Mags convinces to help out. He also goes to Arakko and their own council happens to have three Omega Level Mutants (Mutants with no upper limit to their powers, something firmly defined in this era after being vauge for years on end), who fit the bill: Lacuta the Knower, Sobunar of the Depths, and Xilo the first defender of this broken land.

Back in present day Sobunar goes first: Sobunar contains an ENTIRE ocean within them, so they simply donate a little water and have jamie expand it into an ocean. Storm captalizes on this, using her powers to the strongest they've ever been to give the planet weather, giving the dead red planet wind for the first time.

Next up is Xilo, who.. tears off his head and combines with the land.. he's also a caterpillar. Because why not. With Elixer's help he restores life leaving the next step for the final member of our trio, Lacuta. Her power.. is knowing the precise location of everything. So using her , Jean Grey and exodus, a centuries old telepath bar NONE, shove the ENTIRETY of arakko through the external gate, a magical super krakoan gate, to mars.

WIth that Arakko is on here.. and Arakko itself, which like krakoa is alive, sighs happily at it's first bloodless victory in a long while. A diplomatic area is set up as is a memorial to honor those who could not make it

The downside of the review format is I really can't show you just how awe inspiring all this is. I do have images an dcan show you some of it but the compression here and how much this issue makes use of the full page makes it impossible to translate. It's why while my reviews are good on their own merit, they'll never be a subsitute for the media in question.

So after this Arakko needs it's own SWORD station. SWORD was once the space verison of SHIELD, but with SHIELD ending and Earth's own space branch, alpha flight, being laughably ineffective, former SWORD head Abigail brand went to mutantkind fo ra space program, resulting in their revivail. And since they need a base here, Jean and Quinten Quire, professional loveable scamp, implant the idea of one in his mind. Jean says she's making him pregnant with it.. and soon regrets her word choice

I... didn't doctor any of this. All of this actually happened. Jean Grey made a man pregnant with a space station. That's canon. That's part of this landmark in x-history. God bless you X-Slack, one and all.

Elixer has one last idea.. and this time it's just transmitted to prevent more of .. that... so Jamie gladly obliges, creating port promethus, a massive hub for all the space ships a comin. With that all of Krakoa is welcomed to..

With that we get some data pages, a bold announcment proclaming this the captial of our solar system, a person in the goverment reporting, and nasa being disapointed by mutantkind just anexing the planet but hoping they can visit.

And before we move on to the direct ramifications in story.. let's talk about those fireworks shall we? The Terraforming of Mars into Planet Arakko.. is one of the biggest, genius and insane swings i've seen in a comic. It's all perfectly built up too: from the beginning of this era i'ts been built up how much power omega mutants have, how much stronger krakoa can be it's ties to space via the shiar and brood. And over in SWORD, which had recently launched and will close out today's look at the gala, they subtly laid the seeds: SWORD had been further pushing the idea of a "mutant circuit", i.e. using a group of mutants in concert to do a task, the first being of course the five and SWORD having a circuit in it's first issue bring a super metal from beyond time and space. The idea of seeing just what mutants could do with their powers and a whole nation had been seeded... it's here it sprouts. In what's implied to be an hour at most, with the world watching, mutantkind terraformed a dead planet. While both terriotires had different goverments the fact remained mutantkind now had a PLANET.

It's also nice in that even if Krakoa as a nation tumbles into history... this is something that really CAN'T be easily undone: Mutantkind created a new planet stuffed with mutants, where alien dignitaries have visited, and that humankind will NEVER forget happened. Even if it all collapsed the sheer scope of it is something that can't help but have impact. It's the kind of status quo shift you could ONLY pull off in this era, with these characters, at this time, a perfect allinging of the planets... to let another be reborn.

It also has a lot of nice fallout that's still being felt: A whole book would end up dedicated to this new concept, X-Men Red, which is one of the best of this era and one of the best x-books period, and it's not even over yet. We'll likely look at that next year, or at least part of it, but the idea of this warbased society grappling with peace is fascinating as is humanity grappling with loosing one of it's biggest pieces of the sky. There's so much that's been done with this concept, so much more to do and it's one of my faviorite in the x-men's long history of awesome ideas and was brought about stunningly, with the issue being one long showstopper. They hyped the hell out of this one moment.. and man oh man did they deliver. All that's left.. is the afterparty.

S.W.O.R.D. #7

SWORD opens with Captain america, standing alone reflecting his thoughts. This opening is one of th emain reasons I wanted sword as part of this: this scene helpfully frames what happened from a human perspective, by showing how the best of us grapples with what just happened. And also DOOM, who'd tell you he was but you know DOOM. Cap decides to humor him this once and share his thoughts.. mostly because Victor points out they are both faces of their nations and the weird irony of that tickles our hero a bit. The speech that follows.. is gorgeous, showing that SWORD, and future x-men red, writer Al Ewing, one of my personal faviorite writers, REALLY gets cap. I mean he really gets pretty much any character he rights but still.

Cap relates the story of his waking up from the ice. How soon after.. he felt hopless, a shocking thing to hear from Captain I Can Do This All Day, but understandable: Everything he knew and loved was gone and he'd missed decades. Tony gave him hope by showing the moon landing, showing how much humanity achieved.. but got quiet when Steve asked where the colonies were... what had come NEXT. It's a sad statment on the fact we just kinda.. gave up on space after realizing it was too expensive to exploit.

I belivie in a better tommorow is a cap line up there with classics like "I'm loyal to nothing except the dream" and "No you move", and this scene is expertly done: it shows the two sided coin: Steve is well aware humanity kind of gave up on mars and other planets aside from mapping them, but still wishes they'd worked together.. instead of their next iteration swooping in and taking it all. It's the lovely double edged sword of this all: The Mutants had every right to do this: they had the power, the technology and the need. But it still means they took it for themselves and only themselves.

So while Cap muses about this and Doom heads off to do Doom stuff, we cut to SWORD"s station the Peak where director Abigail Brand, who nick fury wishes he could be, is explaning the situation to a council of galactic ambassadors from very marvel races and factions. Notable faces include Orbis Stellaris, who'd become VERY important soon enough, a guy named Riitho representing the interglactic empire of wakanda, a real thing that exists, long story I don't quite know to be honest, Smasher, former avenger, wife of x-man and former avenger Cannonball, and representive for longtime x-men space buddies the shiar, paibok the power skrull representing the kree skrull alliance and three of the guardians of the galaxy: Star Lord represnting his in comics half home of spartax, Noh Varr aka marvel boy represtning the Utopian Kree and Richard Rider , the man called nova representing earth. Ewing adopted Richie who'd come back from the dead but hadn't got a lot to do, making him a focal point of his run on Guardians and then bringing him over to X-Men Red after that.

Richie in paticular is nettled they didn't tell anyone, and while Frenzy, part of SWORD's security, points out he was kinda busy with guardains stuff.. he still has a point: While Krakoa coudln't afford to tell EVERYONE or someone would've tried to stop them, and they DID need this space... they didn't tell ANYONE they were doing this.

The rest of the delegates are ambivalent: For humanity , mutantkind terraforming a whole planet is a big whoop. And while the SPEED is impressive, terraforming a planet is pretty standard procedure for the empires present.

Thankfully Mutankind brought Abigail brand to the negotating table: she's lived in space her whole life, knows it better than earth, and her whole reason for restarting sword is that she's sick of earth being so ambiviliant and reactionary: they've been invaded COUNTLESS times.. yet the heroes wait. In the previously reviewed epilogue to empire/gay wedding of the century, she quit Alpha Flight entirley because head at the time Carol Danvers.. didn't think to consult her or anyone abotu the crisis and instead cried avengers assemble.

So she decides to take a page from the krakoan book with some space flair: like Krakoa, Arakko won't be recognized without something to give and since the healing plants aren't really a huge get, she has something more: Mysterium,. the metal they plucked from the white hot center of the omniverse.

It's a COOL as hell call back: why did they plunder time and space.. not because they could. .but to get the sol system a foot in the galactic door. See at the time of this run, something running out of Ewing's guardians run as Al ewing tends to use every book he writes to follow up on others, Ewing had the clever idea of the galactic community being in a pretty crappy place: after so many wars, sieges, and attempted conquests, they were battered and the economy suffered. Mysterium... is the answer. Expensive, as seen here super useful for space travel and recovery after all the nonsense the unvierse has been put through.. and a perfect Bribe. Abigail is upfront about it too: as I said this is the same as Krakoa using the drugs and Abby says that outright: a new currency to help the unvierse recover.. in exchange for recognition. Abby's logic is also flawless here: Earth.. has a ton of nations, their all squabbling and generally can't agree on how to treat their own people much less aliens. Arakko is one goverment and thus allows them to simply negotiate with them instead.

Naturally though for a confrence like this.. someone has to ask...

I said he had doom stuff to do.... I didn't say said stuff wasn't in this issue did I? Doom demands to know: who speaks for sol. Given how Victor is, tyranicall and very personality based, he demands an audience with it's rule: who is it's king. Who is it's monarch. And naturally for this story... the answer is badass as hell. It's also the answer every X-Men fan predicted, but it's no less awesome

It's a perfect choice: Storm really hadn't done much in this era up to this point... but in interviews HIckman and others constantly said they had more plans for her and "great stuff coming up". This is the payoff: Storm is once again a queen... and a perfect fit. She's peaceful enough to lead the arakkil in a new direction.. but she's still storm. It's part of what makes Orroro such a great character: she can be gentle, kind and fair.. but god help you if you think you can win a fight with her. And given Roro now has to deal with both a planet of warmongers AND various galactic empires ready to try to exploit this, not to mention eventually Abigail herself trying to exploit this for her own ends, a LOT of people are going to need god's help.

This conversation continues into the next issue, but for our story, the end is not on the grand new red planet.. but back on Krakoa. Magneto is quitely having a drink to himself.. and has a guest.

So one last bit of backstory for this run, for the non comic guys in the audience, hi kevin and such: In the comics Wanda, during a mental breakdown after being manpulated by her own brother, depowered all but 200 of mutantkind. Give or take obviously because comics, but still most were left powerless thanks to her. Wanda DID do her best to atone once she returned much later, helping restore mutantkind.. but instead of undrestanding she wasn't in her right headspace, no one thought "hey let's get her a threapist instead of try to kill her".. no really that was the storyline. Bendis I swear.

Anyway, instead Mutantkind turned her into the boogeyman

Yes a bogeyman, "The PRetender" as it was later revealed she wasn't a mutant because marvel didn't have rights to them at the time. And while I do wish this era had turned her back into one.. the directoin they went was clever.. and this scene is part of it. Wanda comes to her once thought to be bio dad: she skipped the party because well.. she knows what they say and the pretender can't sit at the throne.

Magneto's response? one of the best moment's in the characters history and clear proof of why Ewing was given the character for X-Men Red not long after

It's a heartbreaking well done speech.. and honestly an angle for helping undo the hasty unparenting of Magneto I never considered: Keeping Wanda not a mutant.. but having Magnus still consider her his child. Have him realize after buildling paradise.. that he'd been a pretty crappy father to her, even if he turned out not to be his dad, how he wasn't much better to his biological daughter Lorna. and That even if she's seen as the pretender.. that Wanda is his kid and deserves better. It's also a nice aseop: that you don't NEED to be biologically related ot be family. She's his daughter. End of dicussion. And he will fix this

The how ended up being convoluted, but did result in Wanda going from the pretender, to the redeemer by setting up the waiting room, a way to bring back mutants who didn't have an imprint in cerebro. It's a touching end to this story.. I mean granted the story ACTUALLY ends with magneto suspected of her murder, but it'ts not where we're ending

The Hellfire Gala is one of my faviorite comics events. IT's a unique take on one: instead of a big fight or a big crisis.. it's just a party. It still has all the gravitas and after effects: Wanda's very temporary death leading to her excellent new era under Steve Orlando, the start of Magneto's character arc for X-Men red, a whole new setting with vast ramifications, a new team, and lots of other smaller setups. It's no suprise they did it again the next two years. It's a story packed with both the fun breezy character moment's you'd expect like Emma discovering steve's mommy kink or RTJ getting ready to watch doom fight steve all day, or gambling time, and the big stuff needed to justify it being an event, all organically threaded from here.

We'll no doubt return to krakoa and I already have plans to return to the x-men next year. For now though... we've reached the end of x-men month. As we enter spooky season.. thank you for reading, my x-men.

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slocumjoe · 6 months

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Not to harken back to the Nick Valentine quest post but one point you made really struck home for me - that Eddie was effectively already dead. It made the whole quest feel dead as well. Whats the point? I understand the human aspect, still wanting someone dead out of rage even if theyre no longer doing harm, but, come on, the name of the series is fallout. The ongoing violent aftermath of tragedy, how the harm and damage lingers like (or sometimes literally being) radiation. How much more powerful a quest would it have been if Nick had thought there was no point to it at all - that Eddie was dead and the past was burried but part of him just couldnt let go, and would you mind indulging an old private dick in a dusty old mystery? And THEN they find out that Eddie (or his legacy or his wealth or weapons being passed on to the next asshole or something) WAS doing active harm to people 200 years later, and that examining the past wasnt pointless because the past shaped their future and we can never move on without holding ourselves accountable for it. I just. Idk. Theres a lot of potential all of it wasted

i've had this one in my inbox for so long and never really found the words to respond to it, but I'm posting it now as a followup to my last post because this is pretty much my problem with that quest in general. So much of fo4 is riffing on the past and history and its really aggravating once you notice how much of it is just "this thing happened x amount of years ago, and I'm real sad about it"

#the plot of the game was resolved sixty years ago. you never find your baby you find a grody old man #like. can anything happen CURRENTLY. that isnt blowing up a faction #you just blow them up over shit that happened years ago like come on man

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mostlysignssomeportents · 10 months

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All the books I reviewed in 2023 (Novels)

Next Tuesday (December 5), I'm at Flyleaf Books in Chapel Hill, NC, with my new solarpunk novel The Lost Cause, which 350.org's Bill McKibben called "The first great YIMBY novel: perceptive, scientifically sound, and extraordinarily hopeful."

It's that time of year again, when I round up all the books I reviewed for my newsletter in the previous year. I posted 21 reviews last year, covering 31 books (there are two series in there!). I also published three books of my own last year (two novels and one nonfiction). A busy year in books!

Every year, these roundups remind me that I did actually manager to get a lot of reading done, even if the list of extremely good books that I didn't read is much longer than the list of books I did read. I read many of these books while doing physiotherapy for my chronic pain, specifically as audiobooks I listened to on my underwater MP3 player while doing my daily laps at the public pool across the street from my house.

After many years of using generic Chinese waterproof MP3s players – whose quality steadily declined over a decade – I gave up and bought a brand-name player, a Shokz Openswim. So far, I have no complaints. Thanks to reader Abbas Halai for recommending this!

https://shokz.com/products/openswim

I load up this gadget with audiobook MP3s bought from Libro.fm, a fantastic, DRM-free alternative to Audible, which is both a monopolist and a prolific wage-thief with a documented history of stealing from writers:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/25/can-you-hear-me-now/#acx-ripoff

All right, enough with the process notes, on to the reviews!

NOVELS

I. Temeraire by Naomi Novik

One of the finest pleasures in life is to discover a complete series of novels as an adult, to devour them right through to the end, and to arrive at that ending to discover that, while you'd have happily inhabited the author's world for many more volumes, you are eminently satisfied with the series' conclusion.

I just had this experience and I am still basking in the warm glow of having had such a thoroughly fulfilling imaginary demi-life for half a year. I'm speaking of the nine volumes in Naomi Novik's Temeraire series, which reimagines the Napoleonic Wars in a world that humans share with enormous, powerful, intelligent dragons.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/08/temeraire/#but-i-am-napoleon

II. Destroyer of Worlds by Matt Ruff

The Destroyer of Worlds is a spectacular followup to Lovecraft Country that revisits the characters, setting, and supernatural dread of the original. Country was structured as a series of linked novellas, each one picking up where the previous left off, with a different focal characters. Destroyer is a much more traditional braided novel, moving swiftly amongst the characters and periodically jumping back in time to the era of American slavery, retelling the story of the settlement of the Great Dismal swamp by escaped slaves.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/21/the-horror-of-white-magic/#anti-lovecraftian

III. Scholomance by Naomi Novik

The wizards of the world live in constant peril from maleficaria – the magic monsters that prey on those born with magic, especially the children. In a state of nature, only one in ten wizard kids reaches adulthood. So the wizarding world built the Scholomance, a fully automated magical secondary school that exists in the void – a dimension beyond our world. The Scholomance is also an extremely dangerous place – three quarters of the wizard children who attend will die before graduation – but it is much safer than life on the outside.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/29/hobbeswarts/#the-chosen-one

IV. Tsalmoth by Steven Brust

Longrunning Brust hero Vlad Taltos has been convinced to recount the story of how he and Cawti came to fall in love, and how they planned their marriage. This is quite an adventure – it plays out against the backdrop of a gang-war within the Jhereg organization, with Vlad in severe mortal peril that he can only avoid by uncovering an intricate criminal caper of crosses, double-crosses, smuggling and sorcery. But while Vlad is dodging throwing knives and lethal spells (or not!), what's really going on is that he and Cawti are falling deeply, profoundly, irrevocably in love. The romance that plays out among the blades and magic is more magical still, a grand passion that expresses itself through Nick-and-Nora wordplay and Three Musketeers swordplay.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/27/mannerpunk/#ask-anyone

V. Hopeland by Ian McDonald

Seriously what the fuck is this amazing, uncategorizable, unsummarizable, weird, sprawling, hairball of a novel? How the hell do you research – much less write – a novel this ambitious and wide-ranging? Why did I find myself weeping uncontrollably on a train yesterday as I finished it, literally squeezing my chest over my heart as it broke and sang at the same moment? The stars of Hopeland are members of two ancient, secret societies. There's Raisa Hopeland, who belongs to a globe-spanning, mystical "family," that's one part mutual aid, one part dance music subculture, and one part sorcerer (some Hopelanders are electromancers, making strange, powerful magic with Tesla coils). Amon is a composer and DJ who specializes in making music for very small groups of people – preferably just one person – that is so perfect for them that they are transformed by hearing it.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/30/electromancy/#the-grace

VI. The World Wasn't Ready For You by Justin Key

These are horror stories, though some of them are science fiction too, and more to the point, they're Black horror stories. In his afterword, Key writes about his early fascination with horror, the catharsis he felt in watching nightmares unspool on screen or off the page. And then, he writes, came the dawning recognition that the Black characters in these stories were always there as cannon-fodder, often nameless, usually picked off early. "Black horror" isn't merely parables about racism. In the deft hands of these writers – and now, Key – the stories are horror in which Blackness is a fact, sometimes a central one, and that fact is ever a complication, limiting how the characters move through space, interact with authority, and relate to one another.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/19/justin-c-key/#clarion-west-2015

VII. The Future by Naomi Alderman

A cracking, multi-point-of-view adventure novel about billionaires prepping for the end of the world. Three billionaires, the lords of thinly veiled analogs to Facebook, Google and Amazon, each getting ready in their own way. Stumbling into their midst comes Lai Zhen, a prepper influencer vlogger with millions of followers.

When Zhen becomes romantically entangled with Martha Einkorn, the top aide and chief-of-prepping for one of these billionaires, she finds herself in possession of an AI chatbot that is devoted to protecting a very small number of people from incipient danger. This chatbot determines that Zhen is being stalked by an assassin at a mall in Singapore, and guides her to safety.

The chatbot is a closely held secret among the tech billionaire cabal. It is designed to monitor world events and predict when The Event is imminent, be it disease, war, or other cataclysmic disaster. With the chatbot's predictive powers and its superhuman guidance, the billionaires, their families, and their closest confidantes will be able to slip away before the shit hits the fan, fly by different private jets to one or another luxury bunker, and wait out the apocalypse. Once the fires raging without have died down to embers, the chatbot's billionaire charges will emerge to assume their places as wise and all-powerful leaders of the next human civilization.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/07/preppers-of-the-red-death/#the-event

VIII. Liberty's Daughter by Naomi Kritzer

There's so much sf about "competent men" running their families with entrepreneurial zeal, clarity of vision and a firm confident hand. But there's precious little fiction about how much being raised by a Heinlein dad would *suuuck*. But it would, and in *Liberty's Daughter*, we get a peek inside the nightmare.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/21/podkaynes-dad-was-a-dick/#age-of-consent

Like I said, this has been a good year in books for me, and it included three books of my own:

I. Red Team Blues (novel, Tor Books US, Head of Zeus UK)

Martin Hench is 67 years old, single, and successful in a career stretching back to the beginnings of Silicon Valley. He lives and roams California in a very comfortable fully-furnished touring bus, The Unsalted Hash, that he bought years ago from a fading rock star. He knows his way around good food and fine drink. He likes intelligent women, and they like him back often enough. Martin is a—contain your excitement—self-employed forensic accountant, a veteran of the long guerilla war between people who want to hide money, and people who want to find it. He knows computer hardware and software alike, including the ins and outs of high-end databases and the kinds of spreadsheets that are designed to conceal rather than reveal. He’s as comfortable with social media as people a quarter his age, and he’s a world-level expert on the kind of international money-laundering and shell-company chicanery used by Fortune 500 companies, mid-divorce billionaires, and international drug gangs alike. He also knows the Valley like the back of his hand, all the secret histories of charismatic company founders and Sand Hill Road VCs. Because he was there at all the beginnings. Now he’s been roped into a job that’s more dangerous than anything he’s ever agreed to before—and it will take every ounce of his skill to get out alive.

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865847/red-team-blues

II. The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation (nonfiction, Verso)

We can – we must – dismantle the tech platforms. We must to seize the means of computation by forcing Silicon Valley to do the thing it fears most: interoperate. Interoperability will tear down the walls between technologies, allowing users to leave platforms, remix their media, and reconfigure their devices without corporate permission. Interoperability is the only route to the rapid and enduring annihilation of the platforms. The Internet Con is the disassembly manual we need to take back our internet.

https://www.versobooks.com/products/3035-the-internet-con

III. The Lost Cause (novel, Tor Books US, Head of Zeus UK)

For young Americans a generation from now, climate change isn't controversial. It's just an overwhelming fact of life. And so are the great efforts to contain and mitigate it. Entire cities are being moved inland from the rising seas. Vast clean-energy projects are springing up everywhere. Disaster relief, the mitigation of floods and superstorms, has become a skill for which tens of millions of people are trained every year. The effort is global. It employs everyone who wants to work. Even when national politics oscillates back to right-wing leaders, the momentum is too great; these vast programs cannot be stopped in their tracks.

But there are still those Americans, mostly elderly, who cling to their red baseball caps, their grievances, their huge vehicles, their anger. To their "alternative" news sources that reassure them that their resentment is right and pure and that "climate change" is just a giant scam. And they're your grandfather, your uncle, your great-aunt. And they're not going anywhere. And they’re armed to the teeth. The Lost Cause asks: What do we do about people who cling to the belief that their own children are the enemy? When, in fact, they're often the elders that we love?

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865939/the-lost-cause

I wrote nine books during lockdown, and there's plenty more to come. The next one is The Bezzle, a followup to Red Team Blues, which comes out in February:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

While you're waiting for that one, I hope the reviews above will help you connect with some excellent books. If you want more of my reviews, here's my annual roundup from 2022:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/01/bookishness/#2022-in-review

Here's my book reviews from 2021:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/12/08/required-ish-reading/#bibliography

And here's my book reviews from 2020:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/08/required-reading/#recommended-reading

It's EFF's Power Up Your Donation Week: this week, donations to the Electronic Frontier Foundation are matched 1:1, meaning your money goes twice as far. I've worked with EFF for 22 years now and I have always been - and remain - a major donor, because I've seen firsthand how effective, responsible and brilliant this organization is. Please join me in helping EFF continue its work!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/01/bookmaker/#2023-in-review

#pluralistic #books #reviews #science fiction #gift guide #graphic novels #2023 in review #novels

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somethingwittyandweird · 9 months

Note

What's your favorite game you played this year?

You've activated my “review of my year in gaming” trap card! I was already going to make this post in some form or another, you've just given me the perfect launching point. So, the first thing you should know about asking me for favorites: I never give just one. How could I, when it's been such a banger year of games? (Heads up, this one's going to go long.)

I loved Tears of the Kingdom to death, and it took home my most hours played on Switch. It is a shining example of what devs can do with an extra few months to polish a game. There were so many remarkable moments that testified to how much care and ideas the devs were able to put in. I loved how it used the time since the first game to develop familiar places and characters, adding depth (no pun intended) and also making sure every familiar location had some new twist. The story was a much stronger followup to BotW, and I think this overall has my new favorite ending sequence of anything in the series (I'd love to make a full post sometime about how the final Ganondorf battles just keep getting more spectacular with each new title). I am so, so, so, so normal about this incarnation of Princess Zelda.

Also in my favorites this year is Fire Emblem Engage, which hit at just the right time to scratch my strategy itch. As a long time FE fan it’s not a surprise I enjoyed this one- though it lost the political intrigue of its predecessor in favor of a more traditional/tropey story, I still had a lot of fun with all its gimmicks and gameplay innovations. Also it is hands-down the most visually appealing game in the franchise, a title previously held by the series’ GBA entries which are masterworks from the peak era of beautiful sprite art. From the incredible crit animations to the spectacle of super attacks to the battle maps which are so beautifully detailed that the game lets you free roam around them after a battle just to appreciate them better.

I finished the Link’s Awakening remake this year! It was a charming trip back to an older era of Zelda design philosophy and I found it fascinating to compare the ways where the classic puzzles and challenges differ from what the game would be like if it were made today, as well as the places where modern technology allowed for better QoL changes that weren’t in the original. I really enjoyed the music as well, which I find to be a standout among the series still.

Here at the end of the year, I have to give a shout out to Sea of Stars. It has everything you want in an indie darling- very pretty pixel art, very nice music, turn-based battles with timed hits I joke, but Sea of Stars does a great job balancing evoking/paying homage to icons like Chrono Trigger and bringing new gameplay to the JRPG formula. I like its pared-down take on JRPG combat which revamps skills/mana into a much more dynamic resource that’s constantly being spent and regenerated, and I’m a known sucker for character combo attacks which this game has in spades. The later parts of its story are told with a lot of heart, and again I am a known sucker for certain character archetypes. Surprisingly also, I think the movement and exploration is absolutely a standout- not something that’s typically emphasized in the genre. But this game constantly has you hopping across stepping stones, balancing on tightropes, climbing walls and ledges… the emphasis on interesting traversal and verticality is a strength few games like it can boast.

Before my final pick, I’m including a special section for all the games I didn't play myself but watched my friends play and still want to praise: Hi-Fi Rush, Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, Mario Bros Wonder, Pizza Tower, the Minish Cap Switch rerelease, and more all came out this year and all of them have brought killer music, excellent gameplay, and stunning visuals that I’ve enjoyed to no end. Anyone considering to pick up any of them would find a quality product without a doubt.

With all that said: I think ultimately it has to be Tunic in the end. Underneath its premise of a Zelda/Souls-like adventure game there is a wealth of secrets that goes as far down as you have the courage to delve. It’s a game built to evoke nostalgia for games that you didn’t understand yet, posing as a game that you watched an older sibling play or a game you could only find a poorly-translated foreign copy of. It obscures everything and teaches you its secrets through context, exploration, and discovering in-game pages of the manual (remember manuals?). It’s a game made for lovers of secrets and puzzles, full of hidden paths and trophies that reward inquisitiveness and observation (and taking paper notes). It was when I saw that it not only has a conlang, but that it gives you the hints you need to fully translate it, that I knew I had to get it myself. It spurred me to screenshot every in-game piece of menu text, then spend evenings cross-referencing it to identify phonemes and construct a key.

The rush I got on completing that key is one of two moments I knew this game was absolutely special. The second standout moment is when the game teaches you its hugest secret, and then invites you to prove your mastery of it by presenting you a huge, multi-part puzzle. But, Tunic does the same thing that one of my other all-time favorites, Outer Wilds, does so well: powerups via knowledge, “unlocking” abilities that you always had, you just didn’t know that you did. The pieces to this puzzle are hidden in plain sight; it’s only when the game tells you what you’re looking for that your understanding shifts, everything clicks, and your eyes are opened to the path you have to follow. I don’t say it lightly, but I consider Tunic to be a one-of-a-kind title, and one that delivers completely on its unique vision.

In case that brick of text doesn’t make it clear, I love this game.

I love all of these games.

It's a fine time to be alive.

#i talk a lot tag #skysometric #loz #totk #sea of stars #fire emblem #fe17 #link's awakening #thank you so so much for giving me this space to make this post #sorry-not-sorry about the wall of text jumpscare #i mean everything i said sincerely and honestly still have more to say about some of these #that i'll save for another time #long post

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bizarrequazar · 1 year

Text

GJ and ZZH Updates — July 30-August 05

< previous week || all posts || following week >

This is part of a weekly series collecting updates from and relating to Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan.

This post is not wholly comprehensive and is intended as an overview, links provided lead to further details. Dates are in accordance with China Standard Time, the organization is chronological. My own biases on some things are reflected here. Anything I include that is not concretely known is indicated as such, and you’re welcome to do your own research and draw your own conclusions as you see fit. Please let me know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or additions. :)

[Glossary of names and terms] [Masterlist of my posts about the situation with Zhang Zhehan]

07-30 → The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a promotional still of Han Ye.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a clip of the climax of Legend of Anle episode 29. (major show spoilers)

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a behind the scenes video. Caption: "Bringing you a happy moment at the dinner table today! Di Ziyuan @ Dear-Dilraba Dilmurat, Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon, Luo Mingxi @ Modern Xiongdi Liu Yuning, and An'ning @ Xia Nan NN toasted and drank together, and Ziyuan accidentally made everyone laugh with too much force. Luo Mingxi started humming, followed by Han Ye. Everyone was so happy when they sat together that they couldn't stop laughing!"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a behind the scenes video from Legend of Anle. (major show spoilers) (18:29, 511 1129 kadian if you split the 8) Caption: "Today, 'Ye' received a report, the investigation radar was activated, Dajing's gold medal detective Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon applied to compete! Any evil will be brought to justice by Prince Han Ye!"

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a clip of Gong Jun's original voice for the climactic line of episode 29. (major show spoilers) Caption: "'I am the only one who can be dragged down to hell by you.'"

→ The paparazzi photographer responsible for most of the Zhang Sanjian airport photos/videos deleted all his content of this and started following a different celebrity. He also insulted whalers who were mad because they had previously gifted him large amounts of money. [followup about the other celebrity's fans warning each other not to engage with paparazzi]

07-31 → The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a teaser of a photoshoot with Gong Jun and Dilireba. Caption: "The wind blows the heart, releases the ardent love, and freezes the romantic moment in the quiet summer."

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a comedic promotional poster of Han Ye. Caption: "The 'Ye' matter is booming, and the prince Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon will open a new copy tonight! To defend Dajing and stop Beiqin, Han Ye is duty-bound!"

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a behind the scenes video. Caption: "Di Zuyuan @ Dear-Dilraba Dilmurat and Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon practiced fighting scenes respectively, and joined forces to fight against the enemy back to back, working together and perfectly cooperating."

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a video of Han Ye formatted to look like a visual novel. Caption: "Hello, players! The 2.5-dimensional His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon launched a team notification, click the video below to enter the game!"

08-01 → Youku posted a series of videos (English subbed) with Gong Jun and Dilireba to YouTube. [interview] [Q&A game] [charades] Fan Observations: Gong Jun fiddled with his bare ring finger at the start of the interview, and the double standard of personal space is quite amusing.

→ Sina TV posted a video interview with Gong Jun.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a promotional image of Han Ye. Caption: "Defend the city and protect the people, and protect the territory of Dajing. Prince Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon's letter of challenge has been delivered quickly, and he will be in command tonight to go on a personal expedition, please allow it your Majesty!"

→ Fox Factory posted three stills of Gong Jun from their interview with him.

→ Fresh posted a promotional video spoken by Gong Jun.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a promotional video of Han Ye. Caption: "As both a minister and a son, Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon has something to say: No matter how busy you are, you have to go home!"

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a promotional poster of Han Ye.

08-02 → It was announced that Gong Jun would be holding a livestream only about an hour in advance.

→ Rare posted a commercial featuring Gong Jun. (11:05, 511 kadian)

→ The Instagram made a post that the Zhang Sanjian scam will be releasing a CD. Other associated accounts encouraged whalers to preorder ASAP because "it might sell out soon" despite the set release date being 10-06, priced at 998 TWD ($31 USD / $42 CAD). The distributer YoYo Rock later replied to a fan injury, saying that the CD will only be available through online purchase and will not have a store release.

The CD apparently sold out less than two hours later, though mind you the scam's merch also usually "sells out" exactly one hour after releasing. 🤡

→ A (very chaotic) livestream was held for Gong Jun for Weibo. [full recording] #Gong Jun handsome in all black# got on Weibo hotsearch.

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a photo of him from the livestream. Caption: "Let's send out a raw picture first!"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted nine photos of him from the livestream. Caption: "His Royal Highness the Prince @ Gong Jun Simon is off work 'Ye'!"

→ Gong Jun posted a photo of himself with a coconut he tried to open during the livestream and a tree. Caption: "Ye! Got off work!"

→ Entertainment in the Waves, the Weibo account that had organized(?) the livestream, posted nine photos of Gong Jun from the livestream. They later posted another six. (16:11, 511 kadian)

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a promotional video for Legend of Anle. (major show spoilers) Caption: "When His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon completely removes the disguise, fragility will quietly appear on the stage."

→ Zhenguoli posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ The influencer Little Bowl posted two clips from her interview with Gong Jun. [1] [2]

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a behind the scenes video from Legend of Anle. Caption: "Hidden cameras come and go again! His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon working directly on the broadcast. Whispered reminder: Don’t miss the end of the video!"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a commercial he did for 361°. This was reposted by 361°.

08-03 → Taodaodao (the company with the capybara mascot) posted a video interview with Gong Jun.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a douyin of Han Ye. Caption: "Personable and dignified, His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon is second to none."

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two promotional stills of Han Ye. (major show spoilers)

→ Seeker posted a video interview with Gong Jun. (14:11, 511 kadian)

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted two more videos from the group interview. [hot potato] [look here]

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a video of Han Ye. (major show spoilers) Caption: "Survive the will to die, fight on the battlefield, and protect the people! Prince Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon leaps forward, willing to use his body in exchange for Dajing and Changning, so that the people will be happy."

→ Gong Jun posted a promotional image for Legend of Anle. (major show spoilers) Caption: "Can resist and fight, Qingnan Mountain MVP Han Ye defended Dajing with his body today."

→ Gong Jun's studio posted nine photos of Han Ye. (major show spoilers) Caption: "The iron cavalry gallops thousands of miles, the gold spear drives away enemy bandits. Clanking and iron, protecting one side of the territory, Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon will not lose even if he dies! Undefeated!"

→ Little Bowl posted another clip from her interview with Gong Jun.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a behind the scenes video from Legend of Anle. (major show spoilers) Caption: "In the battle of Qingnan Mountain, His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon have a decisive fight and challenged the limit to find a chance! Now quickly join the 'Ye' Outdoor Survival Cliff Jumping Training Camp, and practice urgently!"

→ 361° posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted three live photos from the Taodaodao interview. Caption: "Before going to bed, come pick up a fortune"

08-04 → Rare posted three fansite photos of Gong Jun leaving the airport, highlighting their bag.

→ Madame Figaro posted three photos of Gong Jun, teasing a magazine feature that will release 08-07. (1129 kadian for the post) Caption: "Since breaking into the public eye two years ago, @ Gong Jun Simon has hardly any confusion or bewilderment of fame, and he calmly accepts curious, friendly and questioning gazes. If there is a parallel time and space, he imagined that in another time and space, he might open a string incense shop in Chengdu, or be fatter than now, but still live a good life. Gong Jun, who has the vitality of a wildfire, lives enthusiastically every day, he wants to go farther and farther. On August 7th, let us reveal Gong Jun's journey through time and space together."

Half an hour later they also posted a teaser video. Caption: "'Every stage of life has a mission. The mission of this stage is to progress and be worthy of each role. Complete the work every day, leave no regrets in every scene, learn English, Make a little progress every day.' This is @ Gong Jun Simon's current mentality. He lives passionately for every day, he has the vitality like a wildfire and he wants to go farther and farther. Let us reveal the August cover of the Chinese version of Madame Figaro on August 7th."

→ The Instagram posted seven photos of "Zhang Zhehan".

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted three promotional stills of Han Ye. (major show spoilers)

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a video of Gong Jun and Han Ye. (major show spoilers)

→ Gong Jun's studio posted ten photos of him from the Legend of Anle group interview. Caption: "The all black His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon is back on the stage~ The leather jacket 'Ye' is online, let’s investigate and organize the bureau together with the prince~"

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted an outtake photo from the Madame Figaro shoot. Caption: "Cheers!"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a promotional image for Legend of Anle. (major show spoilers) Caption: "Suspend the 'Ye' camp! His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon takes this opportunity to rest for a few days. Wait for His Royal Highness to complete the wish list, recharge your batteries, and return with full blood~"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a behind the scenes video of Han Ye. (major show spoilers) Caption: "The 'disappeared' person returns, His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon has been closed and can only be seen for three days"

08-05 → Gong Jun's studio posted fifteen photos of him during a photoshoot. Caption: "In the small stream in the mountain, rain and fog are everywhere. Grab some of the prince @ Gong Jun Simon between filming~"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a douyin of behind the scenes footage from the same photoshoot. Caption: "Poems are hidden in the eyes, the frame is clear and dignified with the head bowed, and the 'Ye' is very eye-catching among the crowd with his perfect profile."

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted nine live photos of him with a fan from the same photoshoot.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted nine photos of Gong Jun and Dilireba. They later posted three solo photos of him from the same shoot, as well as a short video of the two of them.

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted three promotional stills of Han Ye. (major show spoilers)

→ Gong Jun's studio posted fourteen photos of him to promote his appearance in that evening's Hello Saturday episode. Caption: "The warmth flows, the mist rises, the eyes meet, and there is a moment of shock. Tonight at 7:30 @ Gong Jun Simon will see you soon"

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted a behind the scenes video. (major show spoilers) Caption: "Di Ziyuan @ Dear-Dilraba Dilmurat wiping Han Ye @ Gong Jun Simon stared at him and couldn't help laughing, writing in Han Ye's palm suddenly bounced, Han Ye yelled "break up". There are even more people laughing at each other in the same frame, and the set is full of joy!"

→ Gong Jun Outdoors Office posted a clip from Hello Saturday of him dancing. Caption: "1, 2, 3, 4, come, try, once, more!"

→ Gong Jun posted six photos of himself from the day of the Hello Saturday filming. Caption: "Tonight, I will strive to be the person who respects 'Ye' the most in the whole street"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted thirteen more photos of him from the day of filming. Caption: "raveling in wonderland, entering the summer daydream. At 7:30 tonight, His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon will come to 'Ye'~"

→ The episode of Hello Saturday that Gong Jun and Dilireba appeared on aired. [full episode]

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted four promotional images with quotes from Han Ye.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a promotional image with a doodle of Han Ye to celebrate Legend of Anle staying at 10k popularity for twenty days. Caption: "Get a picture of His Royal Highness @ Gong Jun Simon's calligraphy, and congratulate 'The Legend of Anle' on Youku for 20 consecutive days breaking 10,000 popularity! The prosperity of thousands of miles of wind is coming, we sincerely invite you to go with us!"

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted the original doodle. Caption: "Painting skills are explosive progress, whoever supports whoever opposes (Aite aite aite aite aite you got me feeling like short short short short)"

Additional Reading: → N/A

< previous week || all posts || following week >

#I'm selfishly hoping promos slow down now that VIP is about to end bc this just took me over an hour to add yesterday's stuff #Zhang Zhehan #Gong Jun #The Legend of Anle #Word of Honor #woh cast #lld timeline

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vidreview · 10 days

Text

VIDEO ESSAY ROUNDUP #3

[originally posted december 21st 2023]

here we are again! i've had most of this roundup queued for a while and just haven't had time to finish it, so the entries here aren't necessarily super recent. but they're still quite worth your time! so let's just jump right in.

"The Gaming Industry, Gambling, and Addiction" by GC Vasquez.

youtube

in the previous roundup i highlighted Jimmy McGee's series on the video game industry's ties to gambling. GC Vasquez has made what i think is an excellent spiritual companion to those videos, in that it approaches the same material from a decidedly personal place. the fact that the primary expected model for turning a consistent profit in the games industry (at least as far as companies like Unity are concerned, with the c-suite insisting that you'd be "fucking idiots" for doing anything else) involves pushing microtransaction gacha mechanics into every nook and cranny really cannot be criticized enough. but i think, even more pressingly, GC Vasquez points out that games have always included fictional gambling in the form of slot machines, poker tables, roulette wheels, etc, and that this demonstrably conditions kids to develop gambling addictions. on a lighter note, his video about why replay value in games doesn't matter as much as we think it does is one of those "finally someone put it into words" type essays.

"The Lost Majora's Mask Notebook | New Zelda Info" by The Hyrule Journals.

youtube

there are plenty of folks out there doing Zelda lore and history videos, but no one's got the stuff quite like The Hyrule Journals. Their documentary Line By Line, tracing the history of Majora's Mask's English translation by talking extensively to the guy who did the translation, is an excellent work of games journalism that revealed a lot of information previously unknown to me. The Lost Majora's Mask Notebook is a followup to that doc, sharing insights gained from the translator's own notebook kept during the translation process. it's cool! i would not call this A Great Video Essay necessarily but it's a good excuse to recommend an underrated channel.

"SEND IN THE CLOWN: a people's joker review" by let's talk about stuff.

youtube

oh this is a pretty cheeky inclusion, huh? one of my own videos? that's right, you got me: the whole VIDREV operation was just a shell game to goose my viewership numbers all along. the video is exactly what it says on the tin: a review of Vera Drew's incredible trans coming of age story / Batman parody film The People's Joker. i talk a fair amount in the back half about the novel ways this film got me questioning the cultural purpose of copyright and IP law, which is itself a strand of thought that began in my TUNIC review. if it seems like i'm always plugging my TUNIC review it's because i'm really proud of my TUNIC review and i would like for more people to watch it ("it" being my TUNIC review). anyway, The People's Joker is relevant now with the recent news that the film will be seeing wider distribution in the states come April 2024! so look forward to that, and to me undoubtedly plugging my People's Joker review yet again.

THE "DOESN'T NEED THE HELP" ZONE is kind of silly this time around since most of what i have to recommend is from channels that are doing relatively alright. my criteria for the distinction between does/doesn't need the help mostly comes down to vibes and subscriber count. if a channel has more than 100k subs, that to my mind means they don't need the help. this is not to insinuate that 100k+ creators are rich! youtube is a fickle mistress and everyone's revenue model looks different. i try to give precedence to folks below the 30k range, because that's where my channel's at and, coincidentally, where i tend to find the most interesting underrated creators. is it totally corrupt to put my own work in the implicitly-needs-the-help zone? call me out in the comments if you think this is a gross abuse of power.

"Playing Minecraft and Losing My Apartment" by Leadhead.

youtube

Leadhead has some great stuff, but this one hit me where it hurts. it's a video about escaping into the artificial goals of a video game at a time when personal disruption and chaos wrenches all sense of control over your own life away. i went through a pretty traumatic eviction myself back in 2021, and found myself totally incapable of making art about it. really nice to see someone else picking up that slack!

"Transition Regret & the Fascism of Endings" by Lily Alexandre.

youtube

another in a long line of bangers from Lily Alexandre, about how complicated it is to have mixed feelings on your own transition at a time when anyone expressing such emotions has their story weaponized against the rights of trans people everywhere. a lot of trans women in my life started HRT around 2017-18, and i've noticed a trend of folks in that cohort (myself included) trying to reclaim aspects of their masculinity from a safe distance by playing more with pronouns and presentation. i expect we'll be seeing a lot more videos about this in the years to come, and i can't wait! also: Lily Alexandre has some of the prettiest compositions in the whole video essay game. seriously, her color coordination and framing choices (and use of nonstandard aspect ratios!!!) are subtly artful in a way you really don't see very often on youtube.

"Should We Get Rid of Sex Scenes? (Part I)" by Broey Deschanel.

uh-oh, this one's a Nebula exclusive!!! i haven't really talked about Nebula on here yet, but suffice it to say it's an extremely important development in the business of online video. especially in this case, a video about sex scenes in Hollywood that quite literally could not exist on youtube under its current content guidelines! Broey Deschanel is a lot of fun to watch and makes some really great observations here. if you've got Nebula, it's well worth your time!

"Stop using Fandom" by mossbag.

youtube

if you have spent any amount of time in fandom (lowercase-f) spaces, you'll no doubt be well acquainted with how terrible Fandom (uppercase-f) is as a company and a product. this video digs deep into how scummy they are about filling wikis with intrusive ads, making alterations at the behest of private companies without consulting the people who manage said wikis, and their refusal to remove the wikis of any property whose community decides to migrate to another platform. one gripe i have with Fandom that didn't get mentioned is their outright ban on outbound links, which functionally murders any genuine archival usefulness a wiki might otherwise have. everything has to be in-fiction, which is just such a backwards and pointless way of doing things. they are systematically opposed to preserving community history and have no interest in fandom except as a money hungry middle-man between fans and IP owners. i highly recommend installing Indie Wiki Buddy on your browser so that you can avoid Fandom wikis like the plague they are.

"Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History" by Defunctland.

youtube

hey, did Kevin Perjurer just reinvent video essays? well… no, not really. but what he and his collaborators have accomplished here is a fascinating, impressive, and deeply odd intervention on the format which mixes archival footage, live recreations, and a "read along at home" written component to create an essay totally unlike anything i've seen before. honestly i really hope more essayists include supplemental written material in the future, especially with longer works where maybe not everything needs to be on screen! anyway, Journey to EPCOT is such a wild ambitious swing, and while i'm not totally convinced that it completely works i still have to applaud the audacity of the attempt. definitely requires a level of active participation that is well above average for youtube, not something you put on in the background if you actually want to learn anything from it, but definitely worth the effort.

"I kissed nuclear waste to prove a point" by Kyle Hill.

youtube

Kyle Hill is an educator on nuclear energy, and while i find a lot of his sillier videos a bit grating, i have nothing but praise for his work on historic nuclear disasters and the present day state of nuclear energy. it really can't be overstated how directly our general distrust of nuclear energy was kickstarted by fossil fuel companies, or how unambiguously illiterate the wider public is when it comes to the management of nuclear power plants and the disposal of nuclear waste. Kyle Hill here does a great job explaining just how unbelievably safe the whole operation is when it's well-funded and well-regulated, and stresses the inarguable fact that there's no source of green energy safer, more plentiful, or more efficient than nuclear. windmills and solar panels have their uses, but they will never be sufficient in reducing our reliance on fossil fuels if they're the only energy infrastructure we invest in at scale. and electric vehicles? oh man. the EV push as it stands is set up to be a grand historic embarrassment of catastrophic proportions. let's be good capitalists and set aside the rampant human rights violations and immense environmental impacts of rare-earth mining. the emissions from having to put down fresh asphalt more frequently due to the increased average weight of electric vehicles wearing roads down faster alone will outweigh virtually every gain from an electrified vehicle fleet, if electrifying the fleet is the only transportation infrastructure we invest in at scale.

there is simply no path forward to liberating the world from its reliance on fossil fuels that does not involve massive investment into building nuclear power plants and reducing our reliance on individual vehicles by exponentially expanding the reach of mass public transit. anything less than that is a laughable half measure whose most prominent boosters are, without a doubt, paid by fossil fuel companies to always be boosting. this is why i find Kyle Hill's work so impressive and refreshing. he talks quite a lot about nuclear disasters, but goes to great lengths to highlight that the fault lies in lack of funding, lax security protocols, and greedy parties preventing proper management, and that even with these horror stories at hand, fewer people have died from accidental nuclear exposure in history than get exposed to carcinogenic discharges from fossil fuel products every day and OOPS SORRY I'M SOAPBOXING it's a good video you should watch it

"What Happened To Spoof Movies?" by Eddache.

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bit of a mood shift from that last entry, thank goodness. this here is an exceedingly thorough history of the spoof movie genre that does a great job explaining why some parodies work and others really, really do not. i had no idea how much of the recent history of spoof movies comes down to failson nepotism! a good chill video to watch if you want something relatively harmless to wile away an afternoon with.

and that's it. good luck in these final weeks of 2023, be sure to mask up, get vaxxed, and make sure your friends and family get PCR tests before any big gatherings, what with covid levels being as high as they were in 2020 in many places! i'm serious, deaths have been above 1000 a week since the end of August! so take care of yourselves out there

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ALSO: VIDREV's askbox is open! please feel free to forward any video essays that you think might be worth talking about (even if you're the one who made it!). this includes new stuff, old stuff, professional stuff, amateur stuff, anything that can be reasonably described as a video essay. no promises that i will cover anything that gets sent to me, but i will try to give everything an honest chance when i've got the time. if you have specific questions you'd like answered, please send those over to my main account as i don't intend to answer any questions here. okay, thanks!!

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