#stuck in a conservative christian home

[andiv3r]

Get me out get me out get me out get me out please someone get me out I don't want to be here I am crying in the bathroom locked myself in because I don't want to be out there please someone fucking help me...

[transform4u]

I woke up this morning to find my earphones were still in and my phone playing something called “southerncountrybro.mp3”. Ever since then, I’ve been zoning out all day. For example, I snapped out of my trance and found I had an American flag hoodie and camo pants in my Amazon cart. What’s happening to me?

You hold your phone to your ear, the initial crackle of “southerncountrybro.mp3” filling your senses. A steady beat begins to pulsate through your headphones, each thud pushing away stray thoughts and grounding you. The rhythm is unwavering, almost hypnotic, and as it settles in, other sounds start to weave in—soft, buzzing noises like a hive of bees, the distant rumble of tractor engines, and the occasional metallic creak of old machinery.

Gradually, the steady beat evolves, and the familiar strains of John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads” start to seep through. The bass takes over, a steady thump that seems to synchronize with your heartbeat. Each pulse of the song reverberates through you, creating a cocoon of sound that drowns out your thoughts. The song’s rhythm becomes a relentless force, gently but insistently draining away your ability to think clearly.

As the melody envelops you, you find yourself slipping away from the present. Your mind’s eye drifts back to a place that feels both familiar and distant—a memory of growing up in a dusty, rundown trailer. Beer cans are scattered across the floor, remnants of a life that was harsh but somehow comforting. Your father’s voice echoes in your memory, rough and commanding, urging you to get to work on the farm. The scene feels almost tangible, a vivid snapshot of your past.

You remember how he would sit down with a cold beer after a long day's work and tell stories about his own childhood, always ending with some piece of wisdom that shaped who you are today. You admired him then and still do now—a man who stood up for what he believed in, no matter how unpopular it may have been at times.

The anger that once fueled those intrusive thoughts has faded away, replaced by an ironclad resolve to protect what is yours—your family name, your traditions, and most importantly, yourself from any outside influence that threatens them. Your eyes narrow as you envision those who challenge these values; they will meet their match in someone like yourself: tough as nails and proud as hell.

"A real man stands up for what he believes in, son. Never let anyone tell you otherwise."

Those words have stuck with you through the years, shaping how you view yourself and your place in society. You believe in being strong, assertive and unapologetically Christian – traits that set you apart from those who challenge traditional values or embrace "woke" ideologies. This mindset has only been reinforced by your experiences growing up in a conservative community where faith and family were at the center of everything.

The thought of gay people and their agenda makes you boil with fury. You can't stand how they're trying to force their lifestyle on everyone else, how they want special treatment just because they're different. In that moment, all homosexuals seem like threats to everything that matters most to you – family values, traditional gender roles, and respect for history. Your anger grows stronger with each passing second until it becomes an all-consuming fire within yourself. As the memories of your past flood back, you can't help but feel a sense of pride in your heritage. In this moment, the image of the Confederate flag emerges in your mind’s eye, vivid and bold. It flutters with a sense of pride and belonging, a symbol of your heritage that seems to light up your inner world.

You’re bathed in the warmth of a religious upbringing, the deep, foundational beliefs of the South intertwining with your emotions. The flag, the music, the memories—they all reinforce a sense of unity and pride. It’s as if the song, the flag, and the memories are all part of a singular, affirming force that redefines your perspective, pushing aside complexities and filling you with a profound, if uncomplicated, sense of belonging.

You glance down at your phone, the Confederate flag now a bold backdrop to the screen. Tweets from Republican politicians flood your feed, each message resonating with an increasing sense of agreement. You find yourself nodding along, a sense of camaraderie settling in with each word. There's a strange blend of satisfaction and discomfort—an acknowledgment of how easily you're swayed, despite a nagging self-awareness of your vulnerability.

As you ponder this, memories of your father and life in the trailer start to fill your mind. The farm, the long hours, and your father’s stern guidance begin to blend into a vivid, almost tangible recollection. It’s as if each memory is a thread, pulling you back to a time and place that shaped you. With each recollection, you feel a deep-rooted connection to the rugged, hardworking life you once knew.

Suddenly, your body starts to shift, molding itself into a striking embodiment of a quintessential Southern hick. Broad shoulders and a powerful chest emerge, a testament to years of hard labor under the sun. Your muscles swell and define themselves, arms rippling with every slight movement, veins running across your skin like a map of strength and endurance.

Your core hardens into a chiseled six-pack, a visible result of relentless work and dedication. Your legs, now thick and robust, reflect the countless hours spent navigating farm terrain. The sun-kissed bronze of your skin deepens, each sun-soaked day contributing to this golden hue.

Your face transforms to match the new physique. A chiseled jawline and rugged features come into sharper focus. A few scrapes or scars, badges of a life well-lived. Your eyes, a piercing blue, radiate confidence and kindness, reflecting the down-to-earth nature you cherish. A strong, straight nose, marked by past scrapes, and full lips that curve into a relaxed, easy-going smile complete the look. A rugged stubble or well-maintained beard adds to your Southern charm.

You’re now wearing a sleeveless plaid shirt, the fabric faded and well-worn, showcasing your muscular arms. The jeans, classic and durable, are held up by a sturdy leather belt with an ornate buckle. You hair grows out into a mess of blonde locks, all topped with a ratty little baseball cap.

As you continue to listen to the throbbing beat of “southerncountrybro.mp3,” your phone buzzes with a flurry of texts. First, it’s Jamie, your best drinking buddy. “Hey man, you up for hitting the bar tonight? Got some new brews to try and a game to catch!” Jamie’s text is followed by Megan, one of the hottest girls you know: “Hey, saw your post—want to grab a drink later? 😘”

The notifications keep coming. Sarah, another friend, texts, “You’re gonna love the new fishing spot I found! Let’s hit it this weekend.” And then, a message from Derek, a buddy from your gym, “Bro, new weights just came in. You gotta see this!”

Each text you get starts to sink in, twisting who you are like a country boy back in his element. At first, it’s just a small shift, but before you know it, it’s like you’re turning into a real down-home Southern fella.

You find yourself becoming someone whose charm and enthusiasm are so big they drown out any hint of subtlety. You’re all about being direct and to the point, with no time for fancy talk.

Bluntness becomes your thing. When you talk, it’s like swinging a hammer—straightforward and no-nonsense. You ain’t got time for complicated issues or all that political mumbo jumbo. Instead, you’re sticking to catchy slogans and the lively banter from your favorite talk radio. Your views turn into a mix of loud claims and simple phrases, just like your newfound straightforward style.

Your view of the world gets smaller and simpler. Those big, fancy issues? They don’t matter much now. You’re all about sticking to the good ol’ traditional values and the routines that make life easy. Forget diving into current events; you’re sticking with plain talk and the comforts of Southern life.

You dive into your Southern roots with a passion that’s almost obsessive. The more you think about your old man and the life you grew up with, the more you latch onto the traditional values that shape this new you. Any city doubts or liberal ideas you once had start to fade away, replaced by a strong loyalty to the old-fashioned ways.

Your hobbies come into focus: trucks, beer, and hunting. These become the heart of your weekends and what you talk about the most. Tailgating, fixing up your truck, and spending time outside become what you’re all about. Simple pleasures take over, and your humor gets straight to the point, with good ol’ Southern jokes and stories.

"Hey, buddy!" Stacey's message pops up on your phone screen while you're out on the town with the boys. You can barely make out what she's saying through all the noise and commotion around you. The music is blaring, people are shouting, and it feels like everyone else is having a better time than you are.

You try to focus on Stacey's message but it doesn't seem to be working; your mind feels foggy and slow. "Wanna come over for some...BIG DUMB… FUNun…" You repeat those words over in your head as if they were some kind of mantra, hoping that maybe they'll help clear things up for you. But no such luck – all that happens is more confusion sets in as thoughts of 'fun times with Stacey' begin dancing around inside your head like a bunch of drunken flies.

Next Charlotte sends you a sext – Your dick instantly starts to grow hard as she invites you over for some fun. But then reality sets in – one too many baby mommas already, and they're all probably expecting something from you at this point.

Your dick grows even bigger now, reaching an impressive 10 inches long despite your better judgment telling you otherwise. Your mind feels like it's shrinking by comparison; it's the size of a pea now as thoughts of Charlotte and her invitation dance around inside your head like a bunch of drunken flies. You laugh dumbly and chug down another beer, trying to ignore the fact that there might be consequences later on for acting so impulsively.

Charlotte sends you a picture – it's just her in a sexy little number, posing provocatively with one hand on her hip and the other holding up an empty beer bottle. Your mind immediately starts to shift gears; thoughts of sex, working out, and drinking more beers become your only focus.

You've become the stereotypical dumb, horny southern hick that everyone seems to think you are. All those negative labels they've given you start to feel like badges of honor now as your mind continues its downward spiral into nothingness.

You take a swig of your beer. As you think about working out, fucking, and drinking, your mind wanders to the gym where you push yourself to new limits each day. The satisfaction of feeling your muscles grow stronger fuels you not only physically but also mentally. After a grueling workout session comes the reward – unbridled passion with some dumb bitch with big tits.

But that's all there is to you now, or should I say Beau… always thinking your dick is bigger than anyone else's and using it as leverage when dealing with others – especially women! You act like you owns the world just because you can bench press twice your body weight and has this insatiable appetite for conquests. It makes your bros roll their eyes every time you open your mouth about how "alpha" you is or how many notches are on your belt from all those "bitches" who fell for you just because they thought they could tame The Beast!

[cheriladycl01]

I cant do this anymore - George Russell x Wolff! Reader P3

Plot: You are the daughter of Toto Wolff team principle of Mercedes-AMG Petronas, you've worked your whole life to become an engineer. However, your dad has other ideas for you and doesn't want you to become a race engineer. You start to confide more in the Red Bull Racing Team Principle to help you get an engineering job, and see him as your present father figure.

"You ready for our first Grand Prix together Max?" you ask, testing with Max had gone really well and Christian was happy with the dynamic the both of you had. Max as gentle and kind as he was, he was very ambitious and that ambition when it didn't prevail often turned into anger.

Christian saw, in FP1 and FP2 when he didn't think he was performing that well, you just completely calm Max down and talk him through each component of what he needed to improve. He listened to her on took on board when to conserve his tires, when do take turns wider or more sharply etc. And testing couldn't have gone better for Red Bull.

"You know it, lead me to Victory Y/N" he grinned before hopping into the car. You walk over to your station making sure all of the data on the car is looking as good as it did yesterday in qualifying and to check for any errors that could mess Max up in his first few laps. Nothing stuck out, and you could tell that both the car and Max would perform well today.

"Is Y/N here i need to talk to her before the race" you heard through your headphones, you turn seeing George in his racing suit and helmet in hand talking to some of the mechanics.

"Mate, you are a driver. You should be getting in your car for radio check. You cant be in the Red Bull area okay?" he advises, making George look around quickly before huffing and walking away in dissatisfaction.

"Max, Radio Check can you hear me" you ask and get a response immediately.

"Yes, loud and clear! Today will be good!" he exclaims.

And how true he was, you guided him into P1, it was an amazing start to you helping Max win the Championship, Mexico had been an amazing drive for him. He shared a podium with Lewis and Charles. There were a few cameras that caught you and Lewis looking at each other and you giving him a thumbs up.

Media teams were about to have a field day.

"You are amazing Y/N! You know the car so well I bet YOU could be the driver! Those strategies were insane" Max complimented you as he'd taken his helmet off and pulled you into an insanely sweaty hug of thanks for a great first race.

"Oh god, I'm definitely not driver material! Don't tell anyone, but I don't actually have my drivers license" you cringe giggling at him, it was something you'd never needed. Your mum or dad normally drove you around before uni, and once you were there everything was within walking distance. It had just felt pointless.

"No way, you've got to be lying to me" Max laughs, wondering how you'd survived so long without something like that.

"Honestly George or Lewis used to drive me around a lot, when i had to go to the Mercedes HQ back home he'd take me if my parents couldn't! You say a light smile on your face before it turned sour thinking of the mousy brown haired man that had completely lost any trust you had placed in him.

"Lets not think about them. Lets talk about you coming with me, Christian, Geri, Kelly, Sergio, Hugh and Carola?" he asks and a massive grin comes onto your face.

"I'm invited to the Horner dinner, huh? That sounds kinda important and fancy. I might just have to decline" you joke making Max roll his eyes.

"No, you are joining us and are having fun and getting your mind off Thing one and Thing two" he jokes, you tried to keep a serious face but you really couldn't.

"Anyway, considering the Princess cant drive do you want me to take you back to the hotel?" he asks smiling.

"If that's okay with you!" you smile happily, he nods slinging an arm around your shoulder guiding you to the car.

"So when do I finally get to meet P!" you exclaim, even though you'd only been working with Max for a week, you'd gotten to know him very well. You had to considering he had to trust listening to you while he was driving round a track a 200 miles an hour.

"Hmmmm I think Kelly said she'd be bringing her to the race next week. It's Brazil so its an important one for her!" he admits. The conversation flew between you and Max, it was strange really it felt like you'd been friends with him for ages. You had to grovel when it came to any of the Mercedes Drivers in the past, so this easiness to making friends felt good.

That was one thing you'd struggled with. You had a love for F1 straight away considering who you parents were and where you were constantly travelling from race to race until you got to university age. So you didn't actually have many friends who stuck around.

You both eventually ended up at the hotel, you waved at Kelly who was waiting for the both of you and she pulled you into a big hug as she walked over to you.

"You both did amazing today! So proud of you! Y/N, did Max end up inviting you to dinner tonight!" she exclaims, wanting you to be there as well.

"Yes, I'll be there" you smile and say your goodbye's before dashing into your room to get ready for the dinner.

You struggled on what to wear and ended up calling Max to get Kelly to help you on what the dinner vibe was for tonight. You ended up showing her half the stuff you'd brought to Mexico with you and ended up picking one of your nicer dresses from Versace.

You took some pictures before a knock was heard at your door that had you confused as you were meeting up with Kelly and Max outside theirs in 30 minutes.

You opened the door, and looked up to see who had come to the door.

"Omg" you both said at the same time, you tried to slam the door shit. George wouldn't ruin your night, he didn't deserve too.

However, a foot and arm in the door and his general athletic body that made him stronger than you prevented all of that. He practically barged his way in.

You both stood there in awkward silence. George couldn't get over how beautiful you looked. I mean, you were always beautiful to him. But tonight in the black dress that he swore Donatella had personalized just for you, and the way your hair fell around you face in an effortless fashion. He couldn't look away from you.

"If you've come here to accuse me some more, then just leave. I'm about to have a really good night with friends, people who actually care for me and want me to succeed and if I'm being honest I do not need your negativity" you say, turning around to check yourself in the mirror.

"You look gorgeous tonight. So i wont do this tonight, but please meet me in between the Mercedes and Williams garage next week in Brazil. We need to talk. We've been friends for years and I don't want my stupidity to come between us" he says, stepping towards you going to reach out his hand. You step back, it took a lot especially with this ocean blue puppy eyes looking at you with that sad expression that would make anyone fold.

"Please, After Qually, I'm only asking for five minutes Y/N please" he begs trying to catch your eyes but you were doing your best not to look at them too often, knowing you would probably cave.

"I'll think about it. If I'm there we can talk, if not then its up to you if our friendship is really worth waiting for" you admit, walking to the door and opening it up for him as a sign that he should leave.

"I've waited long enough" he mumbles before walking out the door himself and leaving towards the lift that was down the corridor from your room.

The night had gone so well, you were really beginning to feel comfortable around those in Red Bull. The people at the table were being so kind to you as the newbie, Christian pouring you the water, recommending you dishes he liked whilst arguing with the actual Mexican in the room who knew the cuisine of the restaurant like the back of his hand, to offering you the salt and proceeding to do it for you had your heart melting.

It was stupid, really. You shouldn't be this emotional over an older man doing small silly little tasks that you could tackle alone but just was nice to have the offered help. Help that you hadn't received in recent years.

"I really want to thank you all for tonight, its been really nice to hang out with you. And i cant wait for a double podium in Brazil next week!" you exclaim clinking you glass with everyone around the table.

However, George still managed to creep into your mind thanks to his earlier disturbance.

Would he actually apologise?

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @urdad-hot

Hey guys, so i've noticed some people in the taglist aren't getting tagged, I'm not sure if this is username changes or what... but i will start to take of one that don't link to an actual page, so if you see your account name and its not working please feel free to message me, or comment her or on my masterlist of taglist so i can see your knew username!

[veetyuh]

I'm reminded of that "antishipping isn't purity culture because it isn't conservative christianity" post... And I think I've done some unpacking on why it triggers me so much.

I was an intersex child shoved into the role of a female, in a rural & conservative Christian environment. I've had not just purity culture shoved down my throat, but also the shame of not being able to meet the expectations put on women in that environment.

It's not just cover up, slut. That implies I had something to show off, to begin with. And men still want to ogle you and imagine what your body is like beneath that modest dress. So here, literal child. Have this shapewear to make your figure conform to that of a developing middle school female's under your clothes.

It's contradictory that way. You have to try to be unappealing to not 'tempt' men, but you still need to be appealing in the sense of conventional female attractiveness. Moreover, you must not think about men or sex at all. But you cannot be asexual — your parents demand grandchildren.

Antis do the same with their queer representation. It's the same contradictory expectations... They champion the idea of breaking societal norms through queerness (i.e. the idea of 'queer as in fuck you'), then demand that every nuclear family norm be met. Queer characters must be disruptive without actually disrupting anything. And the contradictions apply to fans, too — you're homophobic if you don't like a canon queer ship, and you're fetishistic if you like queer ships too much. (There are more, but I'd be stuck here forever if I listed them all. 😅)

There's also the obvious — fictional sins being as bad as things done in real life. There's Matthew 5, which includes so many popular verses about thought control that Christians use, and equates bad thought to bad doing.

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

And fuck if antis aren't cutting off their entire goddamn arm and gouging out both eyes.

It's not just purity culture they embody, though — it's the satanic panic, too. Good lord the amount of times my grandma wouldn't let me watch Ghost Hunters because she thought I was welcoming demons into the home, or her concern for me watching horror movies because I'd surely become more violent. It's the same shit, different horse.

On a more light-hearted note, they play the same game that Christian demoninations do, too. I was Baptist, and considered the Methodists okay. But the Catholics? No, keep that shit away from me. Why are you worshipping Mary? That's idolatry! How horrible, to openly spit in God's face. When I read antis' DNI lists rattling off forbidden, unredeemable fandoms, it feels the same way, haha.

But what really seals the deal for me is how they smile in your face and promise they're just looking out for you. Christians do that, too. "We want you to get better. We want to help you. You're on a dark path." While they break your bones to force you into their mold. You may not be hurting anyone on your dark path, but they'll convince you that you ARE. You're hurting yourself "spiritually," you're hurting the community, your family, by being an abomination to God. You're hurting everyone and yourself, you just need us to help you realize it. Antis feel the exact same. I block them pre-emptively because I cannot handle having that shit directed at me again.

Moreover, their insults feel the same. The childish "icky," the ad hominems. It's too reminiscent for me. Of my mom hating my icky facial hair and my classmates making fun of my masc traits when they thought I couldn't hear; you are a gross person!!1! Ew!!!

It's funny that antis are so often anti-kink, considering they're so fucking intent on giving me a golden shower and telling me it's rain. I hope they're careful not to choke on the homophobic, pedophilic pastor cock they're sucking.

[donotdestroy]

Here’s the truth about who our fellow Americans really are (and here’s the list nobody has bothered to show you because, well, we need to keep perpetuating our own belief that we are stuck living in a white, Christian Nationalist, conservative, red-neck, deep-fried-Oreo-loving country — when, in fact, the vast bulk of the United States is not like that anymore):

69% of Americans support legal abortion.

72% of Americans don’t own a gun.

90% of the country wants more gun control laws.

72% of us believe the Climate Crisis is real.

71% of all Americans approve of labor unions.

79% of us insist the rich must pay more in taxes.

76% of us want a much higher minimum wage.

70% of all voters believe marijuana should be legal.

73% of the country want student loan debt relief.

74% of Americans want more affordable homes.

65% support term limits on all Supreme Court justices.

84% of Americans want free Pre-k and 3-k.

69% of Americans support same-sex marriage.

65% of Americans want to end the electoral college.

89% of Americans oppose gerrymandering.

70% of us are demanding a permanent ceasefire in Gaza NOW!

72% of all Americans want money removed from politics!

70% of Millennials say they would likely vote for a Socialist candidate.

THAT is who we are.

[your-queer-dad]

I'm glad you ended up on my feed at just the right time. 🫂🫂. Sorry this is way longer than I thought it would be.

The fall semester is about to start and I'm almost over my initial anxiety, but now it's time to submit college applications. So my parents tell me to think about where I want to go.

The problem is my parents are extremely overbearing. I can't go more than a few hours away for school and they don't want me to get more than a bachelor's degree. And even then I have to spend 2 years at home affter high school tofinish the last 3 semesters of my associates.

I would do what literally everyone including my extended family has told me to do, which is say fuck it and bail out, but I can't because my dad has a scholarship program with his former work that will cover everything for as long as I'm in school. If I go to far I will be left with student debt.

My other problem is, there's only one school in my state offering a decent and not over generalize degree program for what I want to take. I know I have the qualifications, and I do want to go there, but in the event that I'm not excepted or something. I'll be left with no money options or even a degree in my passion to get iut of state with.

Staying wouldn't be so bad but they're Christian conservatives (they're fundamentalist trump supporters) and I'm queer (specifically bi and trans masc) and I'm in a very unsafe state for queer people or anyone who isn't a cishet able-bodied white man basically. I also need to get out because I have a bunch of untreated health issues and they believe in alternative medicine. I just feel trapped and I don't know what to do.

Elijah (he/him) thank you for this by the way. You are such a comforting presence on my dashboard and I hope you're doing well. 🫂 I'm so sorry for dropping all of this on you. And I'm hoping nobody sees this and recognizes me🫂🫂🫂

Hey kiddo, I'm so so sorry that you're stuck in such a hard decision right now. I think both sides have their benefits and faults. I'm always here to listen no matter what, and whatever decision you go to I hope you feel right doing it. I am so so proud of you.

- dad x

[lazywitchling]

Review: The House Witch by Arin Murphy-Hiscock

3.5/10 - This could have been a zine. As it stands, I was not the target audience for this book.

Maybe I'm just being mean since I read this one directly after Queering Your Craft, but my goodness I don't think I was the target audience for this one. I am cis-adjacent girl-not-woman, single, living at home with my highly conservative christian parents, and keep my craft in the closet. This book is for a cis-woman who is probably married, runs a household, has a couple of children, and is the spiritual-head-of-household who teaches the kids to say their prayers to the abstract Divine every night before they turn on their essential oil humidifier for bedtime.

It sure would be lovely to live in the world that Arin does, where I could consult with the other family members about their particular Spiritual Beliefs (TM) and integrate those into an Altar in the kitchen where we all make our offerings and say our prayers to the household spirits, but that is not the world I live in. If I tried to start that conversation at home, I'd very quickly wind up with a very aggressive visit from the local pastor who spoke at a rally for 45. Thanks, Arin, but I'm... gonna skip the build-an-altar-in-your-kitchen-and-invite-your-family-to-participate step.

So here's the thing. (And I'm starting to notice that this is a pattern with a lot of the witch books I read...) I would probably have loved this book if it were more of a personal memoir than a How To Witch 101 guide. And I get the feeling that this was more of a problem with publishing than with the author. I mean I could practically feel Arin bursting at the book-seams to tell me about how she practices her witchcraft spirituality in her home, but instead she's stuck trying to write about Hearthcraft (TM) as if it's a universal thing, since that's what's easiest to sell. The whole book feels like it's formatted and marketed to be a Witchcraft 101 book, but it doesn't do it well at all. In fact, in the beginning of the book, Arin practically scolds the reader by saying 'this is a spiritual path, not a magic one, and if you want a magic one, go get a book about magic.' Like... Arin, honey, your book is called The House Witch. I thought I was reading a book about witchcraft.

Furthermore, it feels like this book is filled up with a whole lot of pillow fluff to fill in the gaps. Did we need a whole chapter of cauldron mythology that we never ended up tying into anything else in the book? Did we need that? It seems like there's a lot of stuff in this book that was just put in for a page count; something to make the book seem like it has the wide-appeal of a Witchcraft 101 book. But it just came across as... idk, not genuine.

I just keep coming back to how much I would have loved to hear about Arin's own personal practice that she's so clearly passionate about!

Hey, but also... this book was an organizational mess. Why was the cookie recipe in the chapter with the cauldron lore instead of in the recipe chapter? Why were the instructions on making a clay figure of a household spirit in the chapter with the imaginary altar instead of in with the chapter on household spirits, or the chapter on crafts? Why was there a section on ethics sandwiched in between a section about talking to a tree spirit and a section about talking to a blender spirit, instead of in with the cooking chapter when we actually referenced ethics?

-sigh-

Look, while there wasn't really anything in this book that made me go "Oh wow that's a great idea, I need to use that!" there were a few sections that made me say "Hey, that particular thing is not of use to me, but the idea behind it absolutely is, and I should look into that." Which, once again, comes back to how much I wish this book was a personal memoir. Finding the little nuggets of information that told me what Arin does and how and why were so much more useful than the vague-and-generic step-by-step instructions of... whatever the instructions were for.

BTW, I read through this whole book, and I still am not sure of the definition of "spiritual" nor of "hearth" that we were using. I never did figure out if "hearth" meant "fireplace" or "center of the home" or "kitchen" or what.

Ultimately I came out of the book more confused than I was going in. It's not the worst witch book I've read -- [waves to Skye Alexander] -- and I did get at least some things out of it that I can ponder on my own. But man... idk what that book was for. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

[cryptid-in-the-crypt]

Okay so, obviously, I didn't get to speak in the meeting but I did watch the live stream. But, I will say this here now.

For half my life, I've lived in a conservative, Christian republican home.

I was raised to think gay people are evil and trans people are mentally ill and that only trans women exist.

But, I always knew something was up with me... Other than the whole neurodivergent thing. And only hiding that thing only makes it grow. Like potatoes stuck in the pantry for too long or fungus in a corner. It doesn't go away if you try to hide your kid from it. Kids are always gonna learn new things whether you want them to or not.

And let me tell you. The only reason I know I'm trans today and respect queer folk, Is because I met a friend like that in middle school that taught me what they were and that they're not a threat. My ma, sister (and my distant uncle) taught me to respect other people's religions that weren't mine or my fathers. I met a trans person earlier that taught me trans men exist. But I wouldn't find out I was a trans masc until I packed up and left that abusive (and tramp supporting) home. I had to run away not only to take a break but I found myself a little during the pandemic. And only when I was alone with my thoughts and not around negative hurtful people, I found out I was both aroacespec and trans. It took me until I was 18 I think, to find out I was trans. And I don't think I'm trans, I know I'm trans.

What I'm saying is with how long it took me to come out of the closet, there's no way I'm going back. I didn't spend 15 years finding my way out of the closet only to be shoved back in against my will. And I'm sure my fellow queer folk would agree with me on that. I will continue to fight for my fellow queer people and their right to freedom to be. And I will continue to fight to make sure those who already came out of the closet, never have to go back in and I will fight to make sure the closeted feel safe and stay safe until they're ready by themselves to come out. And the only thing I can do right now is vote. And I'm gonna keep supporting Harris and vote for her so those people have a safe future rid of fear of being outted when they don't want to. And if you care about the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community, as well as other minorities, you WILL vote for Harris! That is all.

[magnetothemagnificent]

I know this is a question better suited to a Rabbi, but the Rabbi of the Temple I go to has retired and I won't get the chance to visit the other Rabbi I was recommended to speak to for a while and am, frankly, a little nervous to.

I am/was planning to convert to Judaism. I've felt a calling to it for a long time, but I've become extremely hesitant lately because of some of the things I've seen Jewish people on here and the learning resources I was referred to say. I know that it's more difficult to be a righteous Jew than it is to be a righteous gentile and I know that Judaism doesn't have a set belief in an afterlife/doesn't believe in hell, but I've seen people say that you must be a righteous Jew to what essentially amounts to getting into the good afterlife. Like getting into paradise instead of twelve months of reflection and then ceasing to exist. I know that a lot of Jewish texts and resources say that only truly horrible people don't ascend at some point after death, but I was EXTREMELY traumatized by my Christian upbringing about the idea of hell.

And I'm struggling because I don't know how many mitzvot I'd be able or willing to keep. I don't know if I can keep kosher (health reasons), I can't get married indefinitely but don't want to give up intimacy with my partner because of it, I'm polyamorous, sex work is one of if not the only job available to me, etc. I know the Torah requires one's health come first for things like keeping kosher and I know nowadays the Reform movement and in at least some cases Conservative as well are a lot more lenient about certain lifestyle things out of wanting to respect everyone and such. I also know people frown on Reform conversions and will say they don't see the point in someone converting if they don't intend to follow certain or most mitzvot.

So now I'm stuck. I don't want to feel like I'm converting pointlessly or like I'm going to make the afterlife harder on myself. I do my best to be a good person, I still find value and truly believe in the things that drew me to Judaism in the first place, I feel so at home in the Temple I attend, but is there even a point if I'm limited/going to break the rules given to the Jewish people? I'm too worried to even TRY to see a Rabbi again because I feel like I'll be wasting their time.

I know you're not able to contact a Rabbi right now, but all of these are something that are really important for you to discuss with a Rabbi. I know you're worried about wasting their time, but trust me, these kinds of questions are what Rabbis are for. It's their job to deal with important matters of faith and identity.

I will say this:

Judaism isn't Christianity.

A) There is no one gold standard Jewish belief about Olam HaBa (The Next World) or what happens after death. Many have debated and discussed this for millenia.

B) Regardless, Olam HaBa isn't as important in Judaism as the Afterlife is in Christianity. No matter which denomination you ask, what matters is doing as much good in the world as you can while you are alive, because this world is what's important. You can't do any more Mitzvot in Olam HaBa. Doing whatever you can to make this world a better place is what is most important.

It sounds like you have a lot of trauma regarding your Christian upbringing, and the fact that you recognize this is an important step.

Talk to a Rabbi. You're not wasting their time.

If you truly feel drawn to conversion, then it's important you discuss all of your complicated feelings with a Rabbi before you make a commitment. Be honest with your Rabbi, and be honest with yourself. Your Rabbi will be more than happy to help you.

[pumpumdemsugah]

How’d ur family take you coming out? I’m also West Indian and the Christian shit has made them so crazy in the last few years that they would literally vote for the conservative government if they weren’t racist. Mostly I’m fine because on the whole they’re major losers and no one’s really about to tell me what to do but now that I’ve moved back home it’s a lot. They literally never shut up about their bestie (Jesus) and our so called sick world and I’m stuck for a solid year at least.

I just haven't lol

Either they'll finally figure it out or I'll invite them to my gay wedding if that ever happens

If the last few years had gone the way I planned I would have but it didn't and I don't have the distance from them that would have made coming out not annoying or potentially therapy inducing

I don't need more nonsense to deal with. I really don't think you should come out if you don't have a way to have distance from your very annoying west Indian family

Maybe they'll come around but God who wants to deal with that when things are chaotic already

[pseudonemisis]

Why did I have to be stuck at home with a maximum of like one Maybe two weekly social events and it was always with the world's most boring conservative Christian homeschoolers. Couldn't even get some interesting trauma that gave me experience in anything helpful or fun. No. I've got the cultish southern princess in a tower trauma.

[handheldheaven]

On Being 25

This post is long and has also been a long time coming.

I've been running this blog since August of 2017, in the midst of an eating disorder and an abusive relationship. I was a pop punk kid looking for community. Over the next few years I fell into pseudointellectualism; I cosplayed the prestigious scholar who lived for November days and moldy book pages. I loved ancient Greek and ancient Rome and dramatic, bloody imagery. I had a few hit posts (they reached 1k notes) and I thought I found a community.

In 2021, my life took a huge turn. I was about to graduate with my bachelor's degree, my professors wanted me to enroll in a creative writing program, and I should have been happy. But I wasn't—I was stuck at home with my conservative mother who drove me up the wall with her conspiracy theories. My friends both in real life and online were distant, and I was at my loneliest. I was burnout and insignificant, and I became very, very close to k-lling myself one day. The details don't matter. All that matters is that I didn't do it, and with what I became after, there were people who thought I should have done it. This was also around the time I came to terms with the fact that I'm autistic.

Over the next several months I would abandon this blog and become a born again Christian. I also adopted my mother's conservative beliefs because I needed something to grasp. Later I would learn I was most likely going through a spiritual psychosis/personality change because of my almost-attempt. I returned to tumblr and continued posting with an adjacent, modern aesthetic, but I also brought my newfound conservative ideas. This is something that I'm still very ashamed of, because it affected people in my life who I once cherished as being my closest friends. My isolation from others permanently destroyed my friendships and how people who trusted me saw me.

I fell down another rabbithole of t3rfism around this time. In hindsight, it was most likely because of the conservatism (which I was no longer part of), the fact that I had zero female friends, and my only "friend" was a douchebag guy who only wanted to sleep with me. I never identified as a t3rf, but I did join them in questioning certain aspects of society. It was so obvious that one of my previous friends called me out on it when I tried contacting them to reconnect at the end of 2022.

I'm not writing all of this to receive pity. I'm writing this because I feel the need to atone for my past actions. I've apologized to the people who needed apologies.

I lost a lot of my traction when I returned to tumblr. I wasn't posting consistently, so I became yet another up-and-coming tumblr user who was pushed to the shadows. I see some of my mutuals and wonder what would have happened if I kept up with the academic façade and posted shitty poetry. Could I have crowdfunded a grad degree, or had readers for my poetry book?

All this is to say that I wasn't the same when I came back to tumblr. Engagement on my original postings are now zero. This blog just doesn't feel like "me", and it hasn't since 2021.

I've outgrown this blog.

My degree hasn't gotten me far. I'm not in grad school studying art history like I wanted to when I was 21. I'm not a published writer like my English professors encouraged me to be. The aesthetics of this blog are a sham and in no way reflect reality. The reality behind this tumblr user is that I'm a 25 year old woman who works customer service and who still can't afford to move out. I dropped out of grad school after like 2 weeks because it sucked. I work full time, so I can't afford to study forgotten religions or 9th century theater or whatever the fuck the posters from the 'golden era' are doing off their parents' dime.

I've been developing my interests organically without people on the internet swaying my opinions. I'm not trying my hardest to live up to a certain aesthetic and making myself miserable in the process. I reached an age that the original creator of this blog in 2017 thought she'd never see. I feel better about picking up the pieces of my life now that I'm not using 25 as my deadline.

I'm not done with tumblr forever. I may remake my blog one day—a blog that isn't a time capsule of some of my worst developmental years. For now this is goodbye.

[mzkora]

Tag game tuesday: The MySpace Survey

Thanks for the tag @gallavich-headcanon

What’s your name: Kora, darling, and don’t forget it 😜

Sun sign: Cancer 🦀

The last song you listened to: “song of the roustabouts” from the animated Dumbo movie because it had randomly gotten stuck in my head.

What are you wearing right now: nothing but granny panties because I’m home alone and not going anywhere

How tall are you? 5’10/5’11 depending on the day

Piercings? Nope. Not my zhuzh.

Tattoos? No. I’ve considered getting them but the pain and aftercare have scared me off.

Glasses or contacts? Glasses. Things going in my eyes? 🗣️NO!!!!

Last drink: water cuz I’m a boring bitch

Last thing you ate: lemon pepper tuna from a packet and gluten free mac and cheese

Favorite color: Red? Purple? Blue? Girl, I can’t choose. I *love* color!

Any pets? My family has had pets (a dog when I was a kid, and a cat when I was in high school/college), but I haven’t personally had one.

Do you have a crush on anyone? IRL, no. Celebrity ones don’t count as far as I’m concerned since I don’t actually know them.

Favorite fictional character: I can’t pick just one. It’s impossible. I love *all* my himbos, brotherfuckers, and dipshits.

A movie you think everyone should watch: I don’t think there’s any movie that everyone should see, but if you wanted to get to know me better I would suggest watching either Sister Act, Fiddler on the Roof, or a Star Trek.

A book you think everyone should read: Again, I don’t think there is just one book for everyone and again if you want to know me better then you should read either The Introvert Advantage by Marti Laney, The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver, or The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley*

*Zimmer Bradley was accused of SA and abuse so I don’t endorse her but I also can’t deny the effect her book had on me as a queer/trans teenager raised in a conservative Christian environment.

The last place you traveled: I’ve been a few places around my home state (texas) to see friends and family but nowhere glamorous or exotic.

Something you’re looking forward to: I don’t know that I have anything that I’m looking forward to right now. Not in a bad way, it’s just that a lot of things that I was looking forward to have just recently happened so I’m in something of a lull at the moment.

And I am tagging: @very-sleepy-head , @digitalmeowmix , @malcolm-reeds-pineapple , @clotpolesonly , @sugargoblin , @stanfordsweater , @nevergettingoverwincest

[nothinginthisworldbelongstome]

1,4,30

yayayay an ask from my moot! hii thank u!!

1. how long have you known you liked girls?

well, my experience was never an 'something happened and i just *knew*' sort of thing. it was very slow, and it was harder bc i grew up with an extremely conservative christian family.

i didnt even know gay/trans people were a thing till i was like 11 or 12, bc i was homeschooled. but i started reading fanfiction at that age, beginning with straight couples, then going to mlm, and finally wlw. and it slowly seeped into my mind that my thoughts and feelings towards girls werent typical for straight girls.

i have always extremely disliked men, since i was very young, like 3 or so, and i never dreamed of my wedding. 'boy crazy' girls were unfathomable to me, i just could never understand what they saw in guys.

and ive always had extremely strong, almost worshipful 'crushes' towards other girls that i thought were just me reallyyyy wanting to be friends with them lmaooo. i was totally clueless until i realized being gay was a 'thing' that i could do. and even then, it wasnt fast. i evaluated all my current and previous relationships with girls, took SO MANY am i gay quizzes lmaooo, and even thought i was asexual for a while bc it was so hard for me to be okay with the idea of being sexually attracted to women (even tho i had accepted that i was definitely romantically attracted to them, purity culture is a hell of a thing to get over)

i also had a really big problem. see, i didnt only have to figure out my sexuality, i also had to fit it into my religion at that time and figure out what i believed. my church believes homosexuality is a sin, one u need to fight against, and if u dont ur going to hell. thats been a fact my whole life. its been ingrained in me since birth. so i had to try and root these ideas out of my mind, and that was really fucking hard. anyone who's ever had to 'unlearn' something knows just how difficult it is.

a part of accepting myself i had trouble with was also me struggling with the label 'lesbian'. i didnt like it at first, in fact i nearly hated it, even tho it was the only one i identified with besides the general 'gay' or 'queer'. i didnt like how it sounded, it felt almost dirty, sleazy even, with the prominent 'z' sound. it felt like it stuck out from all the other identities and just sounded 'bad'. i used to just say i was gay or queer instead of a lesbian. this was internalized homophobia, something i still struggle with from time to time. but luckily i was able to overcome it and now i proudly call myself a lesbian!

i also had a period of time where i thought i was bisexual bc it was hard to realize that i didnt have to be attracted to men, and i kind of thought it was 'okay' if i liked women as long as i still could like men too (spoiler alert: i couldnt).

but finally around the age of 16/17 i finally became entirely comfortable with myself and my label, and began coming out to those friends and family i knew were accepting.

4. do you have a crush at the moment?

not exactlyyyyy hehe

30. what experiences are you looking forward to having in the future (kissing a girl, going to pride, etc)?

god literally all of them. ive never been kissed (or fucked 🫣) and i want to have an (irl) girlfriend so so badly. ive never been to pride and i really want too. i want to get married eventually and have a family with the woman i love, i want to create a home with them. i want to live my life and just be who i am without having to stay closeted anymore.

thank u so so so much for the ask! and sorry its so long im very wordy lmaoo

[ghostofacraving]

The very niche experience of growing up in a conservative Christian home but falling in love with singing and then with metal music before discovering you’re trans through the way you hyperfocus on the male frontmen in the bands you follow during your angsty teen years

Deciding at 24 to finally pursue that dream of music and maybe you’re still closeted because you’re stuck in the south for now but you’ve made leaps and bounds from where you used to be and you aren’t under the church’s thumb any longer and you’ve never felt more yourself. There’s a long way to go but you’re doing it. You’re finally living for your true self. Proud of you. Happy pride month, dude.

[keefwho]

March 09 - 2024 Saturday

11:48pm

2/10

This morning I took a bit before taking my shower. I just didn't feel like doing it so early, I think I was peeking at the Bumble BFF app for a bit and then I finished my profile while in the shower. When I got out, I made eggs, spam, and oatmeal for breakfast with some applesauce. I was perusing Bumble while I cooked and ate, seeing a BUNCH of the same kinda of people. Same interests I mean, very basic stuff and almost all Christian/conservative. It really feels like these people are churned out of a factory. So no luck with Bumble but I didn't really put much stake in it to begin with. I knew if I didn't stop that I would just be scrolling all day so I dawdled for a little bit before trying to find some company in VRchat. Everyone was busy today. In VR I found a couple of sort of chill people but they left to play chess. Then I was stuck with this guy who recognized the marsminer name in my bio and of course he was very weird. I stayed longer than I wanted to, mostly just being silent and answering whatever silly question he had next. When I got off, I took some 'me time' before lunch. Lunch was tuna spaghetti because I was feeling sort of lazy/sad. After eating I kinda got stuck in my own head awhile. Eventually I saw David was playing Helldivers in his server so I decided to join just to shift my attention elsewhere. It barely worked, I still felt like shit but the important part is that I wasn't alone. I tried not to make the call about my problems deliberately. Halfway through Helldivers, Daisy was free to call on her drive home so we did that. At this point my chest was tight and I felt on the verge of a panic attack until she got home and was in bed. I don't know why, maybe everything was just building up inside me. In bed I hadn't wanted to but I did maybe a 5-10 minute rant about how awful today was and how I don't know what I'm doing in general. It seemed to not be the night for this really and I wish I had handled my emotions better today. I let her go to sleep and then I had a long, 2 hour call with Jared. We talked about so much and as usual he had some pretty good advice to go along with the solid plan I already had. After that I scarfed down my cold dinner and got ready for bed.

~~~

Today fell apart so badly because I literally had no one to talk to today. Maybe I should have just tried texting at least. I can't always rely on people to pull me through the day but today I did just need someone for at least a little bit, just to hang out with. Today I made the painful realization how much I've been strangling reassurance out of people as a way to test them and set my mind at ease. But it's unhealthy and manipulative. I only hope I haven't done too much damage already, I intend to stop this going forward now that it really hit me. Tomorrow I'm gonna come up with some plans I can follow when I get in certain headspaces so I can do something more helpful and healthy. The thing I want first and foremost right now is to be a good friend, and that means I have to make important decisions. One of those is to really appraise what it is I'm actually doing to my friends. And also taking care of myself properly so I have the capability to do good. I am driven so strongly to improve and do good in the world.

3 things that made me happy today:

Daisy calling me on her way home.

Chatting with Bramble about my behavior.

Talking to Jared about our feelings.