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#studied a semester of another language
lire-casander · 2 years
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the only good thing of today is that the american guy who works for us has heard me speaking in english and has congratulated me for my good english
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tardis--dreams · 8 months
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You know what? I give up on this paper once and for all. I'm not even ashamed anymore
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studyscrasic · 8 days
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It's interesting taking an actual German course and writing more things about myself in a highly gendered language (as opposed to when I was taking Norwegian, which only kind of sort of has genders, and you don't really change the forms of nouns so much), because even though I waffle a little on masculine terms in English, I'm finding I love talking about myself as male in German.
Like, ja, ich bin Student! Ich will Professor werden!
I don't know, it's just fascinating how even though I don't always want to be called a man (hashtag transmasc but also nonbinary feelings), I love how using masculine word endings makes me feel.
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misskamelie · 4 months
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Arghhh how did I even learn English to the level I have now? :(( Want to apply the same process to other languagess
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mishkakagehishka · 1 year
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I feel so stupid crying over this but i just feel like the biggest idiot in the world
#i spend all my days studying all my goddamn days since OCTOBER#the closest i got to going out was when i'd go get drinks after lectures EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE#i went out with company ONCE. ONE WEEKEND. O N E#and i really AM the idiot bc it's just me#all my other friends have lives and free time#everyone i know is always out always going somewhere hanging out with someone#everyone i know on here is able to work on their hobbies all year round#the way i work like a fucking mule you'd think i'm studying medicine or something#else that guarantees a well-paid job but no. i'm in fucking language studies.#i work like a mule with all my breaks leaving me so exhausted that all i can do is scroll or just rest#and then i DON'T EVEN PASS????????#AND THEN EVEN MY SUMMER ''BREAK'' WILL BE SPENT STUDYING SOMETHING#I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW BETTER I COULD STUDY#AND EVEN THEN I'LL HAVE LIKE SIX GODDAMN WEEKS#and then what? another year starts and once again study all day have no time for myself#and because i'm stupid i'll do this for God knows how long#five years at minimum. but that's if i pass everything on time#i failed this exam but it's not a prerequisite for 3rd term only 4th term subjects#but lit is a prerequisite. if i fail this exam i'm already setting myself back an entire semester#and for what? i'm literally wasting my time#i'll be dead in 60 years if i don't raise a hand against myself sooner#i spent 20 years doing fucking nothing that i wanted to do#even during breaks it was everything my parents expected of me#God#and now i can't even go to sleep bc i'm too busy being a pussy bitch and crying about this#and i have to be up in 7½ hours yayyyyy
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vulpinesaint · 2 years
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FORGOT I LOVE FRENCH. HELLO AGAIN BABYGIRL
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elllisaaa · 7 months
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LOST THE GAME - JAKE. S
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SUMMARY : what was supposed to be the least interesting class of your semester turned out to be the most passionating one when you met jake sim and his tendency to tease. but two could play a game, right ?
-> pairing : college mate!jake x fem!reader
-> words count : 15k
-> genre : college au, smut
-> warnings : switch!jake x switch!reader, teasing, dirty talk, sexting, phone sex, mutual masturbation, praising, dry humping, marking, hair pulling, doggy, unprotected sex, creampie, body worship, use of 'good girl', 'good boy' and 'slut', oral (f. and m. receiving), deep throating, cum play, manhandling, quick mention of choking, fingering, begging, riding, panties sniffing, jake is down bad for yn (yes, that's a warning), nipple play, jake is asking consent a lot and it's sexy.
+ the way i'm depicting jake does not represent him, it's only a work of fiction.
-> 18+ content bellow, minors dni
-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated ! sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language
-> author's note : here we are, my not so little gift for you for valentine's day ! i hadn't planned something at first, but it turned out that i finished this not too long before so i decided to post it on this day. it's the first really long fic that i'm posting here, but i enjoy writing them so much ! shoot out to @xhdream that started it all by sending me a gif of jake during our christmas family gathering and messed with my mind 😭😔. this ended up being really self-indulgent but i hope you'll like it as much as i do !
-> masterlist | enha masterlist
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PLAYLIST
🎵 lost the game by two feet
🎶 meddle about by chase atlantic
🎵 i'll make you love me by kat leon
🎶 more by i.m
🎵 it's not easy for you by misamo
🎶 more than friends by isabel la rosa
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Leaving all your friends and family for college was not easy. Your freshman year was really hard, having to manage your classes and doing a part time job to be able to afford your rant, and being in a brand new city you didn’t know anything about, nor had any friends to help and support you. You felt on the edge of giving up just before your finals, but that was when you met your best friend, Yeji. She really was a gift, always smiley and willing to cheer you up. Without her, you really didn’t know if you could have continued university, or got your life back together at all. 
But now, here you were, currently in your third year at college, happy and confident about your future. And you really didn’t want to mess it up, so you remained serious, and worked hard to have the grades you got. Even if for some people, psychology was not a “real” major, it was for you, and it was what you wanted to do for your whole life. And you sometimes wondered how they could say that when you had to take science classes. At first, you were not so excited to follow them, thinking that it would be just another thing you would have to study just for the exams and never remember again, but someone made you change your mind. 
Jake was not in the same major as you, that was why you didn’t see him before the start of this semester but he immediately caught your eyes. Well, it would have been hard not to notice him, or you would’ve been blind, because he was really good looking. He was the cliché of the hot college fuckboy, the one so many rumors were spread about, the one who had supposedly hooked up with half of the campus. 
Despite that, you were not one to have prejudices against people you didn’t know, so you gave him a chance, mainly because he was attractive and exactly your type, and also because he seemed to be the only other student to be invested in this class. Surprisingly, he was always participating, sometimes before you even had the chance to do so, and he was doing his work everytime. And so on, he became even more your type because smart people were automatically the most fuckable in your eyes. 
However, you tried to not let your interest in him show. It seemed like he already had an ego, you were not here to fuel it even more. So you stuck to staring at him during your shared classes, under the excuse that you were only closely listening to his answers to your professor's questions. That was until he suddenly decided to sit down by your side on one random Thursday. 
“- Is that seat taken, or can I ?”
You lifted your head, even if you had grown familiar to the sound of his voice by now, seeing Jake, waiting for your approval with a grin on his face. Well, he was asking kindly and really, you could not refuse to have your crush sit with you. You simply nobbed, taking off your bag from the chair so he could sit down. 
“- Thanks !
- No problem.”
Regardless of the confidence you were trying to keep on, you were feeling incredibly nervous. It was the first time you and Jake were this close. Sure, you had talked to each other before, picking up on something one of you had said in class to add other information or to correct each other. But that was it, nothing more. So to suddenly have him so close to you was very strange, but at the same time, you were giddy, like a high-schooler confessing her love to her first crush. 
“- Did you understand the paper we had to read for today ?”
Jake's voice straddled you as you were lost in your thoughts, but you quickly composed yourself again, doing your best to hold his intense gaze. 
“- Yeah. Or at least, I think so, but I struggled a little bit at first. Why did you want to know ?
- Well, you’re the only one except me that seems to give a damn about this class, and you’re smart, so I thought that maybe you could help me, because I didn’t understand anything !”
You chuckled at the defeated tone he used for his last words, perfectly getting his disappointment of not assimilating a new thing immediately, it was frustrating. But at the same time, butterflies erupted in your stomach at the thought of Jake having noticed you. And he was saying you were smart on top of that ? What started as a not so good day was turning into a much better one. 
“- Of course, no problem. We have some time left before Mr. Lee arrives, so maybe we could go over the paper and you stop me every time there’s something you didn’t get ?
- Works for me ! Thank you Y/N.”
The way he said your name had you fighting demons not to blush and try to concentrate on bacteria and immune system instead of his bright smile and beautiful face. But it was not easy to stay focused when he brought his chair closer to yours so he could have a better view of the drawings you were making to materialize what was explained in the paper. You could feel Jake’s warmth through your clothes and it was so hard to resist the urge to turn your head and just look at him. Thanks to some magical forces surely, you got to the end of it when your professor entered the classroom, greeting his students. 
“- It’s so much easier when you explain everything to me, you’re very good at that, you know ?”
And he was at it again with the compliments, and you were trying to repress a stupid smile from eating up your face once again, whispering when you answered him in order not disturb Mr. Lee, who had already started today’s lesson. 
“- I’m glad I could help.”
Jake's response came in the way of a smile before the two of you started to take notes of what your professor was saying, not having much time to discuss throughout the class. These lectures were always very intense but also very interesting, so you didn’t mind the fast rhythm with which you were approaching each subject. You thought about asking Jake his number at the end of the class, just in case he had another problem with something related to this class of course ! A few years back, you wouldn’t even have dared to consider something like that, but right now you were thinking “why not ?” If anything, he would say no and end of the story. So as you were packing up your things, you started to get your phone out when you were interrupted by Jake once again.
“- I have a class now, but if I could have your number it would be very helpful, because there’s still some things I can’t get a grasp of, if you don’t mind of course !”
You smiled back, taking his phone and typing your number in the new contact he had created before handing the device back to him.
“- Actually, I was going to give it to you anyway. You’re pretty smart too, and you’re funny so it’s not a waste of time.”
Jake chuckled as he put his phone in his back pocket after checking the time. He was going to be late to his next class, but who cared when he finally got to talk to the girl he had a crush on since the beginning of the year ? Certainly not him. 
“- I’ll make it worth it, promise ! Huh, I really have to go but I’ll text you later pretty.”
With a wink, he was gone and left you behind with a beating heart and a stupidly big grin stretching out your lips. 
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From this day on, Jake sat next to you every time you shared your science classes. And even if the seat was empty last week because Yeji was sick that day, she happily let the guy take her place with a knowing look on her face, wiggling her eyebrows every time he walked in and greeted you. You acted annoyed every time, but really, it was funny how supportive she was - sometimes, you worried that she was more excited about the whole situation than yourself. 
“- Is it Jakey again ?”
You rolled your eyes as you picked up your phone from the kitchen counter where Yeji and you had spread all your work sheets and textbooks to study. It was Sunday, and you often reserved it to work together and then relax with a movie, while doing each other's skincare and gossiping. 
When you first came to the city for college, you had rented a small apartment with another girl you didn’t know. At the end of your freshman year, she left and since Yeji was searching for a new place to stay because her last roommate was insufferable, you had proposed to her that you live together. She really was the best friend you could ask for, and also the best roommate. But sometimes, just sometimes, you wished she didn’t know you so well as she fake gaged when you laughed at the last text Jake had, indeed, sent to you. You wrote a quick answer before going back to your cognitive psychology assignment. 
“- And what if it is him ? You’re jealous ?
- Of a man ? Never !”
Both of you laughed at her remark, not able to hold back yourselves after being focused for such a long time and having spent the whole afternoon studying. 
“- No but seriously, what do you think of him ?”
You were not one to let other people direct the way you acted or lead you on to choices you wouldn’t have made by yourself but you valued Yeji’s opinion, and she always had something to say about your crushes. Sensing that the subject was no longer meaningless, your best friend put her pen down, thinking for some time about your question.
“- Well, you know all the rumors about him right ?”
You nodded. Of course you knew, especially since you started to talk with Jake two months ago, you paid a lot more attention to the conversations of other students about him. They were all saying that he was a typical frat boy, going to parties, not caring about going to school, and fooling around with every girl he found attractive. But you already knew that a part of that was not true. He was often sending you some parts of texts or lessons he didn’t understand for you to explain, he was really invested in what he was doing, and he had even told you that he was not here to skip classes.
“- And you also know that Lia is friends with his roommate Jay ?”
Again, you nobbed. You knew Lia too, because she was one of Yeji’s childhood friends. You were a little less close to her but she really was a very sweet girl, and you loved to spend time with her. 
“- She told me that Jake was not how everyone is depicting him. Apparently, it’s only because he’s spending time with Heeseung and his frat, and because he hooked up with a random girl at a party during our freshman year. And from there, people created him a reputation, and he never really tried to deny it because, well, everyone would assume that based on his looks and who he’s hanging out with. 
- I guess, yeah. I thought that too when I first met him. And that doesn’t surprise me, he cares too much about his studies to be a frat boy.”
Yeji laughed again, detaching her long, ginger, hair from the hair clip that was holding them in place.
“- I agree, he’s too smart too, and too sweet with you. He genuinely seems like a good guy, and not every guy out there gets your humor so…”
You threw a random highlighter in her direction, pretending to be vexed by her comment.
“- And I didn’t see you smile so much since that dick left you this summer, so I sadly have to validate him.”
Yeji let out a defeated sigh while shaking her head, making you smile again. It was true that you had a hard time because of your “ex”, if you could really label him like that. He was just a guy you met at a party just after your finals were over, and from there, you started to be in some kind of situationship, that was becoming serious for you, but not for him apparently since he left you over a single text and not even an apology. But you were fully over it now, and ready to welcome someone in your life - and bed - again. 
“- I’m glad you’re thinking the same.”
She simply gave you a smile before stretching her arms over her head, repressing a yawn as she did so. 
“- I’m thinking about wrapping up this study session and getting on to the movie.
- Oh my god, yes, thank you ! My brain stopped working one hour ago !”
You both started to tidy up the counter, putting your sheets back in your binder and your pens back in your case. 
“- You order while I’m hopping in the shower ?
- No problem ! Pizza and sushi ?
- You know me so well !”
You giggled as Yeji disappeared in her room, closing the door behind her and letting you finish with your mess. When your phone received another notification, you picked it up again, not holding back your smile when you saw Jake’s contact name popping up this time. 
jakey :  wow ! working on a sunday ? you have a stronger will than me ! you :  ahah only because i’m not doing it alone !  otherwise, i would lie in my bed all day, not doing anything lmao what are you doing ? jakey :  [attachement : 1 image] just relaxing while watching a movie it’s pretty boring tho…
You were not expecting this photo to be a shirtless one of Jake, sprawled out on his bed, and looking at the camera with a pout on his face. You had to pick up your jaw from the floor and mentally stop yourself from drooling over his abs, and his chest, and his arms, and the gray sweatpants hanging low on his waist. Was that flirting ? It was, for sure. Why would he send you that if it wasn’t ? But how could you respond to that ? Sending a picture of the same type seemed a little too provocative, and you didn’t want to interpret the signs wrong. If he was doing this after only two months, what would he be willing to do in a few weeks ? You were curious to see how far he would go to seduce you. 
jake :  why are you not answering pretty ? too busy checking me out ? 😉 you :  in your dreams. jake :  oh yeah, don’t worry about that, my dreams are already filled with your cute face.
You didn’t dare ask him what he meant by that, busying your mind by ordering your dinner and trying to get the image of Jake’s chest out of your mind.
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The whole task of not getting your hopes up revealed to be a lot more difficult than you thought it would be when the universe seemed to team up against you. Or at least, you saw it like that as your professor was listing the groups for the new project of the semester.
“- Y/N and Jake, I want you two together for this. Usually, I’d put you in a weaker group to help but I’m very curious to see what you can do when working hand in hand. And that’s all for today everyone, I’ll see you next week and don’t forget to tell me the angle your presentation will address.”
You couldn’t believe that Mr. Lee really did this. It was not that you were horrified by the idea of having to work with Jake, it was the contrary, really, but it also meant spending a lot of time together, because you wanted your presentation to be perfect. You would have to go to the library together, or go work at his dorm, or invite him to your apartment, and all that will certainly not help you to stop your little - or rather big - crush on him, and neither will it help you to stay focused. 
“- You don’t seem so delighted by the news, pretty.”
His voice interrupted your thoughts, and you lifted your head to meet his pouty face, the one he always had on when he was trying to get your attention. It was cute. And his puppy eyes were too. And there, you were feeling all fuzzy inside once again.
“- Who would be delighted to know that we have a presentation that counts for half of the final note to do before the end of the month ?
- When you put it this way… But I was not really talking about that.”
You sighed as you stood up, checking the time because you had to join Lia and Yeji at your favourite café soon. 
“- I know Jake. I have to go but I’ll text you later to let you know when I am free so we can start to work on that. Bye.”
Jake stood there, mouth slightly open as if he wanted to add something but couldn’t with how fast you left. All this made him wonder if he read the signs wrong or not. He didn’t imagine the way you were often staring at him. He didn’t miss the few times your eyes flicked down to his lips when he was talking to you. He didn’t imagine the way you were shivering every time he touched you, intentionally or not. He didn’t miss how you were always smiling when he was teasing you, even if you tried to look annoyed. 
Or was it only pretending ? Jake didn’t know anymore. But you were not the type of girl to do that, right ? He watched you from afar since he saw you for the first time in this science class, noticing how kind you were with everyone, how funny you were, how pretty you looked, and he also noted how many boys tried to hit on you, and how many of them you sent away. 
That was why he approached you as a friend. Because at least, even if he didn’t succeed in charming you, you could be friends. And it worked until now, you were getting closer and he even saw you blush one or two times when he made a flirty joke. So he didn’t understand why you were like that today. Maybe it was only a bad day for you, you seemed off and didn’t participate as much as usual. It should be that, yeah. That, or Jake was a total fool. 
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“- You know the rules Y/N ! You’re late, you pay !”
You sighed but got your wallet out. You were rarely late anyway, so it was not often that you had to pay for the three of you. Your two friends had already ordered your favourite drink and you made your way to the counter to pay before returning to your table and finally relaxing for the first time since you woke up. 
“- You seem exhausted today.”
You nodded at Lia’s word, taking a sip of your caramel latte before answering her indirect question. 
“- I am. I’ve been running all day ! I was late to my first class because my bus times changed and I didn’t know, so I had to wait for the next one and you know Mr Kim, he hates it when we are late and he literally humiliated me in front of the whole class. Then, I realized that I had forgotten the assignment that I had to hand back for one of my lectures, so I had to rush home to get it on my lunch time and couldn’t eat. And the cherry on top is that Mr Lee paired me up with Jake Sim for our next presentation.
- Wow ! That’s a lot, my dear !”
You nodded again, leaning against Yeji’s shoulder to seek some affection and comfort. 
“- Well, all that sucks, but I don’t see how having to spend more time with your crush can be a bad thing ?
- It’s not ! That’s the worst part, I think that he thinks that I don’t want to work with him because I was so dry when I talked to him today, and he looked like a kicked puppy and now I feel guilty.”
Lia reached over to stroke your arm and try to make you feel a little bit better. She knew that you could spiral about the smallest thing you were saying or doing sometimes, overthinking every interaction you had with other people.
“- Just apologize next time, and that should be good. This is nothing that you can’t fix.
- Why are you always right ?”
The blonde shrugged before taking a sip of her own drink, while Yeji led the conversation to how her own day went. But you couldn’t stop thinking about how Jake’s smile fell when he sensed that you were not as enthusiastic as him to work together. You took your phone out, opting to send him a text now, even if you knew that he would not answer right away because he still had some other classes. 
you :  i am free this weekend and wednesday afternoon to work on the project. and sorry if i was too harsh earlier, i just had a really bad day, it was nothing against you. 
You shut off your phone, not expecting a notification to light up the screen just seconds after your last message, trying to hold back a smile from stretching your lips. 
jakey :  this weekend seems good, but i’m going back to my parents so we’ll have to facetime 😉 don’t worry about that pretty, i figured it was not me you were mad at i’m here if you need to talk. you :  i’m good now, but thank you, you’re sweet i’m staying here so call me when you have a moment. and stop texting while you’re in class, idiot !
As he answered you again just to tease you, the weight on your chest flew away. Jake really was a sweet guy, you just couldn’t believe that he was interested in you. He was popular around the campus, whether because of all the rumors about him - mostly false, but they were spreading fast - or because he was incredibly handsome, and a lot of girls were after him, numerous of whom were prettier than you. That was why you had so much trouble understanding why he chose to text you so much. It was not like you to doubt yourself like that, but for some reason, Jake was making you really nervous. Maybe because it was the first time in a while you were really interested in somebody, past just physical attraction, and you didn’t want to fuck it up. 
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You read Jake's last text again, the one in which he was telling you that he was going to call you in five minutes, just the time for him to gather all the things he needed to work, and you couldn’t stop biting your nails. There was no logical reason for you to be so stressed out about facetiming with him, especially since it was only to talk about a school project, but you were. You checked your appearance in the little mirror above your desk one more time, but didn’t really get the time to fix your hair, your phone ringing straddling you as you picked up the call immediately, setting up the device against your laptop so it would stay in place without you needing to hold it. 
“- Hi pretty !
- Hi Jake, how you doing ?”
You tried to ease your mind by making small talk with him, but you were distracted every now and then by how veiny his hands were, or by how comfortable his thigh looked to sit on, pressing your own together to stop the warmth spreading in your lower half. It was really not the moment to think about that, even if it was not the first time nor would it be the last. 
“- Did you have an idea of how we could talk about this in an original way ? Because I’m warning you, I don’t want this to be only a boring, classical presentation.”
Jake's deep voice as he chuckled sent your mind to other places you shouldn’t go while working on a science group project. 
“- I should have known you’ll be like this. I’ll send you the research I’ve done so far and you tell me if you see something interesting.”
This was enough to get you to concentrate back on what you had to do, and as soon as you chose your angle, you started to work properly, sometimes making comments that made the other laugh. However, Jake was not able to focus on the article in front of him, too immersed in the contemplation of your figure to get anything done. 
Why did you have to wear this fucking top ? The straps wouldn’t stop falling off from your shoulders, showing a little more skin of your cleavage everytime it did, before you’ll put them in place again. And he could see that you were not wearing a bra, your nipples poking through the material of your top, allowing him to think about how much he wanted to see you naked, how much he wished he could touch them, lick them, suck on them. Your hair were put up in a messy ponytail, and with your glasses on and the serious look on your face, he couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel to fuck you from behind for some obscure reasons. 
And well, it seemed like he got a little too entranced by his own thoughts because Jake could feel his cock twitch in his pants. Swearing under his breath, he turned around in his desk chair to grab a pillow from his bed and put it on his lap. He didn’t want you to notice that he was hard, the risk being that you would take him for a pervert, which he maybe was but he didn’t want you to think that of him. He was trying to be the perfect, sweet guy. He wanted to take you on proper dates, and offer you flowers before initiating anything sexual between the two of you, even if it was you he saw every time he was jerking off, even if he sometimes had to go to the bathroom after your shared classes because the vision of your thighs in a skirt was enough to make him pop a boner. 
Sadly, the shuffling sounds he made while reaching for his pillow intrigued you enough for you to lift your head and look what Jake was doing, seeing him quickly put the cushion on his lap before going back to taking notes about the article. You weren’t thinking about something naughty for once, only up to tease him a little bit. 
“- What’s with the pillow ? Are you hard or something ?”
Your smirk widened when you saw his ears grow red. It was the first time you were witnessing a blushing Jake, and well, the view was interesting and too funny to let it slide. 
“- Don’t tell me you really are ?”
Jake didn’t dare to look at you anymore, his gaze lost in contemplating one of the posters on his walls, so much more interesting right ? How could he explain himself to you without saying anything disrespectful, because the thoughts he was having just before weren’t really ones a well-mannered and polite guy should have. All he wanted right now was to be swallowed by the floor and bury himself six feet under.  
“- What were you thinking about ? Me ?”
At the way Jake lowered his head even more, you figured that it was, in fact, you that got him hard. And what was supposed to be a silly little joke turned into a whole lot more. The way your laugh died in your throat when you realized made Jake feel even more nervous that he had really made you uncomfortable and that you wouldn’t want to see his face ever again. 
“- I-I am really sorry… Please, don’t think that I'm a creep Y/N ! It’s just… Fuck ! You’re just so hot with your glasses, and your top won’t stop showing your skin, and that’s so embarrassing but it turns me on how smart you are and you explain to me all these things like it’s the easiest thing you’ve ever come across.”
You couldn’t believe what you just heard, and it was apparently showing as Jake spared you a glance and turned away immediately, groaning about how stupid he was, and that you could insult him as much as you wanted if it made you feel better. 
“- Jake, just stop and look at me.”
It took some seconds for him to do so. It was a good thing you didn’t decide to end the call and your friendship with him already, he was not going to talk again and push his luck. When his eyes finally landed on you, he gulped loudly, trying to stop himself from getting turned on even more by the intense look you gave him. 
“- Show me. 
- W-What !?
- Show me what I do to you. And maybe I’ll show you what you’re doing to me.”
It was Jake's turn to not believe his ears. He must have looked so dumb, with his mouth hanging open and blinking repeatedly without saying anything because you chuckled cutely at him, pushing your chair back a little. And this time, when you let the straps of your top fall down, it was done on purpose, encouraging Jake to throw away that damn pillow and allow you to take in the appealing view of his boner. He was wearing these grey sweatpants again, and you couldn’t help licking your lips when you imagined how big his dick would be. 
“- I wanna see more, this is not enough for me to forgive you.”
Even if his heart was about to burst out of his chest, a little smirk started to spread on his face. He wasn’t in a position to negotiate, but he liked the game you were leading him into. And your wish was his command. Without a word, Jake got rid of his shirt, throwing the piece of clothing away before looking back at you, happy to find you biting your lips while checking him out. 
“- Like what you see ?
- Don’t be so cocky, you still have to make it up to me.
- And what do you want, pretty ?”
You pretended to think about it, using it as an excuse to drool over his abs a little longer. Because yeah, Jake was insanely hot, and even if you didn’t want him to see how affected you were, your drenched panties should be enough of a clue. 
“- I want to see you jerk off for me. And I want you to tell me all the things you’ve been thinking about doing to me.”
Jake immediately stood up from his desk chair, throwing his sweatpants and boxer away while a quiet “fuck” fell from his lips, bringing a smirk to your face. This was getting way more interesting than science. When he sat down again, you only needed to tilt your head to the side for him to start stroking his cock slowly, releasing a sigh that had you pressing your thighs together to try and relieve some of the pressure you felt building up. Your eyes couldn’t leave his hard dick, wondering about how good he would fill you up, how good he would feel inside of you. 
“- So ? Aren’t you going to say anything ?”
The sound of his hand around his cock was starting to resonate in his room, spreading his pre-cum onto his shaft and going faster. He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed about you wanting to know his fantasies about yourself, sitting there so prettily but still fully clothed, while he was jerking off for your eyes only. 
“- I-I thought a lot about… About fucking you, especially when you’re wearing these damn skirts.
- What about my skirts ? Don’t you like them ?”
If he wasn’t already blushing, he was definitely right now, not only because of his confession, but mostly because your pouty lips had him thinking about sliding his cock between them and he felt close to cumming already just because of this, just because you were playing with him and he loved it a little too much.
“- Fuck ! I do, I do, but they make me want to eat you out so bad, you have no idea how hard it is to sit next to you when you have them on.”
Jake closed his eyes for a few seconds, missing your proud smile as you watched his face scrunch up in pleasure. Since he did nothing but listen to you – and make you even more wet –  you decided to reward him by removing your tank top, letting him finally see your breast. 
“- You’re so hot Y/N… I wanna touch you…
- But you’ll just have to watch for now, okay ?”
For now ? Jake didn’t want to dig on what you meant, too entranced by the sight of your hands coming up to play with your nipples like he dreamt about doing, forcing another moan out of his mouth. How bad he wished he was the one massaging your boobs right now, how bad he wanted them in his mouth and your hands tugging on his hair. 
“- I want to see more of you, pretty, please…”
Your eyes shifted from his dick to his face, your mouth watering at his fucked out look zeroing on your hands on your chest and fingers pinching your nipples. But hearing Jake beg for you was too pleasing, you needed more of his pleas, more of his airy moans. It was like a drug you were slowly becoming addicted to. 
“- Beg some more, and I’ll think about it. 
- Please Y/N, please, it’s not fair, I want to see your pussy, been dreaming about it, please.”
The fact that he didn’t even hesitate before doing it made your head spin with want, clouding your mind with lust as you got rid of your clothes too and sat down in front of the camera again. 
“- Shit ! You’re so fucking hot pretty, making me want to fuck you so bad. 
- I really wished you were here Jake, wished you could be the one touching me like that.”
As you were talking, you spread your legs for him, your feet sitting on your desk so he had a full view of your soaked pussy and your little fingers playing with your clit. 
“- Is it enough for you ? Or do you want even more ?”
The way Jake’s tongue poked out of his mouth to lick his lips had you thinking back to him eating you out, and how good that would feel. A soft whimper escaped you when you slipped two fingers into your hole, too excited to wait for his answer. The way he was lazily stroking his cock was driving you insane, and you didn’t care if you looked desperate for him anymore, because you were and all you wanted was him right now. 
“- Would feel so much better if it was your fingers…  
- You don’t know how much I want that… You’re so wet, you’re dripping everywhere baby, fuck ! I want to lick your pretty cunt so bad….”
Another moan rolled off your tongue, closing your eyes for a second before opening them again because you didn’t want to miss the show Jake was putting on for you, his hand moving way faster now that he got to witness your naked body and the sinful vision you offered him. Your fingers couldn’t reach that spot you knew he could have, knew that his long hands would be perfect for you. 
“- You want that pretty ? Want me to eat your pussy ? 
- Oh god, yes ! Please Jake, I need it, I need you…”
The way you were saying his name, full of lust and desire, had him coming close to the edge already. He wished he was with you right now, wished he could hear you scream it again and again, wished you would beg him more and more. 
“- I need you too, need you to sit on my cock and ride me.”
He was sitting in the perfect position for you to do just that, and the image wouldn’t leave your mind. You abandoned your nipple to play with your clit, your thighs shaking as you approached your climax. 
“- I’m so close, feels so good… 
- Me too… Cum for me Y/N.”
This was all you needed for your orgasm to wash over you, clenching so hard around your fingers you could barely move them anymore, circling your clit until it felt too much. Jake had to bite his lips and quickly remind himself that he was not home alone to hold himself back from releasing a litany of filthy moans as he spilled all over his abs, covering them in his release that you wanted to lick off from his body so badly. 
During a moment, the only sound was the one of your heavy breathing, trying to get a hold of what just happened. As you were about to say something, a knock against your door interrupted your thoughts, eyes widening in surprise. You rushed to end the call with Jake, not even taking the time for a goodbye before dressing up quickly and trying to not look like you just had the best orgasm of your life as you opened the door of your bedroom. 
“- Are you alright ? I thought I heard you scream…”
You smiled innocently at your Yeji, hoping that she would not interrogate you further because your legs were still weak and trembling and your face was obviously flushed.
“- Oh, yeah, I just hit my toes against the bed, that’s why.”
Luckily, she seemed to accept your excuse and you plopped down on your bed after closing the door behind you. What the fuck just happened ? Did you really have sex over a facetime with Jake ? It was usually something you dreamt about but that never occurred in real life. But with the way he was blowing up your phone, there was no way this was not true. 
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If you thought that this would ease the tension between the two of you, you were definitely wrong. Because when you saw each other for the first time after this one call, you felt ten times more attracted to him than before, almost getting wet just seeing him smirk at you as you entered the classroom. Sure, you had texted each other during the week, but neither one of you dared to address the subject directly, too embarrassed and afraid that it would ruin everything. 
But you couldn’t lie : you wore the shortest skirt you owned today on purpose, only because you wanted a reaction out of him. And a reaction you got. As soon as Jake took in your entire outfit, his gaze darkened, mouth opening just enough for his tongue to dart out and lick his lips as if he wanted to devour you. If you weren’t wet already, now, your panties were definitely soaked with the way he was eying you up and down. 
“- Hi Jake ! How was your weekend ? Must have been great to see your parents.”
He didn’t expect you to strike up such a casual conversation with him, but his mind was already far away, staring at the way your skirt rode up your thighs when you sat down, revealing even more of your skin. Jake had to turn his gaze away from you for a few moments to focus back on how to form sentences and answer you. 
“- It was cool, yeah. And how was yours ? Did you have fun ?
- Actually, it was very fun. Something interesting happened.”
The grin stretching out your lips didn’t go unnoticed, Jake’s eyes zeroing on them and wishing he could kiss you right now, wishing he could have you grinding down on his lap and making out with him. He was snapped out of his daydreaming when Mr.Lee entered the classroom loudly, as usual. 
“- Hello everyone ! Today you’re gonna work on your projects, and I’ll come see where all of you are so I can help you if you need it.”
Working together turned out to be way more complicated than you thought it would. Jake wouldn’t stop subtly caressing your arms or your hands, coming way more closer to you than necessary when you had something to show him, his thigh pressed against yours underneath the table. But two could play a game, right ? Too bad you dropped your pen on the floor and had to get up to pick it up. Too bad your skirt was so short that when you bent over, Jake could catch a glimpse of your panties. Too bad the hand you landed on his thigh to get his attention was so close to his crotch. 
By the end of the class, you were just dying to come back home and relieve the unbearable heat you were feeling, almost squirming in your chair. If he had you wrecked with only that, you didn’t dare to think of how good he would actually be able to ruin you. But what was infuriating was how he didn’t even seem to be affected by the whole situation, despite his leg bouncing up and down, and his lips swollen from biting them. Still, you wanted to get back at him. After all, it was his fault if your call took another turn, and it was his fault your panties were ruined right now. 
With how fast you escaped the classroom, Jake didn’t expect you to ask him to meet up, especially in an area he knew was unknown by most students. His body was tingling in anticipation, wondering what you were going to do next. Maybe he loved this little game too much, and maybe it was risky because he almost popped a boner in class, but it was worth it if it was for you. 
“- What do you want pretty ?
- Give me your hand.”
You could see that he was confused, but he did what you asked nevertheless, so you could place something in his palm, closing his fingers around what seemed to be a piece of fabric, which was a little damp. 
“- You feel how wet you made me ? This is what you do to me Jake. Now, enjoy your next classes.”
He watched you go away, definitely hard this time when he realized you really gave him your panties, and that the material was, in fact, soaked in your juices. Behind you, you heard him swear loudly and rush to his class to not be late, a smirk spreading on your lips. It was his turn to suffer a little. 
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Jake didn’t even take the time to greet his roommate when he came home, tracing a beeline to his room and locking the door before he dropped his bag on the floor. He got out your panties that were stuffed in his pocket, the fabric still a little wet. You were the reason he didn’t pay attention to his last class of the day, not able to understand a single thing his professor was saying. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he wanted to jerk off with them, couldn’t stop thinking of you going home with nothing underneath your skirt. 
That was enough to make him hard all over again. Quickly, Jake got rid of his jeans and underwear, laying down on his bed with a hand already wrapped around his painfully hard dick. Without an ounce of shame, he lifted your panties to his nose, inhaling your scent and immediately moaning. He was already addicted to this, to you, to the way you were playing with him. 
Jake could already feel his tip leaking pre-cum, and he knew that he was not going to last long, especially after you had edged him all day. It was as if he could still feel your hand on his thigh, too close to his crotch for his sanity. And every time you touched his arm to have his attention, it was like your fingers were leaving a trail of fire behind them, a shiver running down his spine every time your warmth left him. 
The smell of your juices was driving him insane, sticking his tongue out to lick it off the material. He sped up his movements unconsciously, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, incapable of holding back his moans anymore. He didn’t care if Jay could hear him or not, he didn’t care if what he was doing was disgusting, if he was a creep for loving it all. You already tasted like heaven like this, and he knew that as soon as you’d let him go down on you for real, he would never want to pull out from your pussy ever again. 
Once he could taste nothing but his own saliva that had completely drenched your panties, he wrapped it around his cock, the friction feeling so much better than his own hands, but not coming close to what yours would feel, he knew it. His mind couldn’t stop drifting away to a sick scenario in which you were watching him do all that, in which you were telling him how disgusting he was, in which he was begging for you to touch him. The thought was enough to push him over the edge, moaning your name loudly as he came all over this stomach and your panties. 
“- Fuck…”
Without a second thought, he reached for his pants on the floor, getting his phone out to take a picture of the mess he had made. The material was still wrapped around his cock, making sure you had a great view of his abs covered in his cum and his tip still leaking. As soon as he hit “send”, Jake plopped down on the sheets again, closing his eyes for a while. He knew he had to get up, take a shower and do his homework, but the only thing plaguing his mind was you. Only you. 
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Of course, the teasing didn’t stop there, neither of you being able to stop. You had sexted each other during classes, not paying any attention to the actual lesson, too busy telling the other the dirtiest things. It felt even better when Jake did it during your science class, blowing up your phone with messages filled with praises of how gorgeous you looked today, of how your outfit was suiting you perfectly, of how much he wished he could fuck you on your desk right now, of how much he just wanted to get out of here and show you how good he could make you feel. 
You had not given up on your skirts and dresses, which were getting shorter and tighter as time went on. And Jake had not given up on putting his hand on your thigh, which was getting closer and closer to your core everytime you were sitting side by side. The flirting comments he whispered in your ears got more and more unhinged, and the pictures you sent to him got more and more revealing. Jake had started to save them in a locked file, but always making sure to send something back so it was fair - and not at all because he loved the idea of you drooling over his body, or touching yourself while looking at his nudes. 
And even if Jake loved the game, he couldn’t wait for the moment he would finally have you. Because he was so close to breaking down the act when you sent him an audio message of you moaning his name, going on and on about how much you wished he was with you right now, about how much you needed him. It was late at night, and Jake was ready to go to sleep, but he was quick to slip his hand in his underwear, jerking off to the sound of your whines and begs that he listened to on repeat from this moment on. And he was seeing so clearly the sinful image of you fingering yourself that hadn’t left his mind since this video call, the same image that was imprinted in his memories. 
He was almost ready to go out at 1am and come to your apartment, but he was too tired and mostly, he wanted to win, even if it was pointless because he knew that you wanted him as much as he wanted you. So he settled on sending you a video just when he was coming, while telling you how bad he wished you could be riding him right now, how bad he wished he could fill you up with his cum. And you replied with a close up of your wet pussy that ended up in his locked file. 
It was also very fun to talk casually in front of everyone else, as if Jake wasn’t fucking you with his eyes, as if you hadn’t sent him another filthy text last night where you were calling him your good boy. The sexual tension between you and Jake was so high that neither Yeji or Jay could even bear to look your way without being disgusted - their words, not yours. And the way you were both always smiling, giggling and blushing everytime the other sent you something had your two friends desesperate for you to finally fuck each other and stop flirting in front of them - again, their exact words. You knew Yeji was happy for you and just liked to tease, but you were just as eager as her to get laid. 
But you will not be the one to give up. You wanted Jake to surrender before you did. Why ? Just because it was much more fun that way. Hence why you were standing so close to Jungwon. And Jake was clearly not having it, watching the two of you from his seat in the classroom, jaw clenched and gaze burning a hole in your friend’s back. The way you were touching his arm and laughing at his jokes shouldn’t have made him jealous. After all, you were not his, you were not his girlfriend, and he didn’t even kiss you yet. But still, it didn’t stop him from wanting to swat Jungwon away from you when he hugged you. 
Your innocent smile as you sat next to him and asked him how his day went so far did not help. He could see right through you, could see that you did that on purpose. And this time, it worked. Jake didn’t want to admit it, he didn’t want this to stop, but he had to do it or he would go insane. While you were cautiously taking notes, he took his phone out, accustomed to texting you during class by now. During a little break, you looked at your phone and grinned seeing a new message from Jake, asking you to join him in the same corridor you gave him your panties a few weeks before. You had to bite your lips to not let a big smile invade your whole face, because you knew very well what it meant, your body tingling with excitement. 
At this point, Jake had no self control anymore. All he wanted was you. All he needed was you. And he was not going to survive if he didn’t actually have you in the next few minutes. However, a small part of him was anxious, overwhelming him with the doubt that maybe, just maybe, you really only wanted the game, and not him. He should have heard your footsteps resonating in the empty hallway, but he was into his thoughts and only did acknowledge your presence when you came into his view, not letting him utter a word before you grabbed him by his jacket and kissed him. His brain stopped working, wide eyed and not moving until you let him go. 
“- Are you okay ?”
Jake shook his head at you, before reaching to grab your waist, pushing you against the nearest wall, lips only inches away from yours. 
“- No… You’ve been driving me crazy since the first day Y/N, I want you.
- Then take me.”
That was all he needed to lean in and kiss you again, harder, messier as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. You moaned against his lips, tugging him closer to you by his jacket and he took the hint, pushing his body impossibly close to yours. The way he was kissing you, as if he had an insatiable hunger for you, had you wet in seconds, and you could feel his boner pressing against your thigh, an obvious proof that you were just as desperate for this to happen. 
Neither one of you was thinking about the fact that you were in a hallway, and that anyone could walk in on you, heavily making out. It didn’t matter to Jake, too lost in the taste of your lips and tongue against his to care about anything else. He finally had you all for himself, finally had you where he wanted, finally had a taste of you. And he already knew that he was going to get addicted, that he wouldn’t want anyone after you because it was like you were made for him. Eventually, you needed to breathe and had to detach yourself from his lips, Jake chasing yours and letting a quiet whine escape him when you started to grind your hips against his. 
“- Fuck… Do you feel how bad I need you pretty ?”
You nodded, not trusting yourself with making sentences, not when he was holding your gaze and all you could see in his eyes was lust and desire. This look alone made you want to drop on your knees for him right now, and the way he started to pepper your neck with his kisses didn’t help either, taking a hold of his hair and moving faster against him. 
“- I need you too Jake… Need you to use me…
- Don’t say that if you don’t want to get fucked for everyone to see.”
His voice had dropped lower, his hot breath fanning against the skin of your neck where you knew for sure he had already left some hickeys. And he didn’t feel guilty at all. He wanted everyone to know you were his, even if you technically weren’t. Jake knew that if he didn’t leave now, he would never have the strength to do so. 
“- I have to go pretty…
- I know…”
You knew but you kissed him again anyway, hoping that the taste of his lips against yours would linger for as long as possible. When Jake finally had the courage to stop you, he was already ten minutes late for his next class and cock hard as a rock in his pants, but who cared if he got to have you all needy and desperate for him - as if he wasn’t just as needy and desperate for you. 
“- Come over at mine tonight, okay ? I’ll kick Jay out, and I’ll be all yours pretty.
- Okay, text me later ?
- I will.”
Jake pressed one last kiss on your forehead before he started to run for his class, praying that it would be enough for him to calm down and stop thinking about all the things he was going to do to you. 
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Jake was probably more nervous right now than he had ever been in his entire life, and he had had many situations to be anxious about. However, the fact that you were going to come over in less than five minutes made his palms sweat and his heart beat faster. He didn’t really know why he was feeling so panicked, because you obviously showed him on numerous occasions how much you were yearning for him too, there was no way you would stand him. But if he did something wrong ? If it was not what you had expected and you decided that you didn’t want to see him again after that ? 
This last idea in particular was running in his head. Because he didn’t want to have you just for one night, he didn’t want to fuck you and then let you walk away as if he wasn’t crazy over you, as if you didn’t make him feel shy everytime you smiled at him. But the more he was thinking about it, the more his heart ached at the scenario. So he stuck to trying to distract himself on his phone until you arrived. 
He didn’t really do anything in particular, didn’t litter the whole place with rose petals and candles, but everything was cleaned perfectly and he even cooked so you had something to eat if you happened to be hungry. It was strange to be suddenly so anxious about meeting up with you. Because he was not nervous when he texted you all his fantasies about you, he was not nervous when he sent you pics and videos of his dick, he was not even nervous when he made out with you in this corridor later. But now, he could feel his hands shaking as he tried his best to open the door for you without looking like a complete idiot. But how was he supposed to stay calm and collected when you were standing at his door, wearing a little black dress that took his breath away. 
“- Are you going to let me in or not ?”
Jake finally snapped out of his haze hearing your teasing tone, and he had to mentally restrain himself from letting his eyes wander all around your silhouette. And immediately, he forgot all about being anxious, grabbing you by your wrist and pulling you inside, closing the door and pushing you against it quickly. Your whole body felt on fire from his hands on your waist alone. 
“- I’ve waited so long for this, pretty, wanted you since the first day.”
Your own hands came to play with his hair, bringing his face closer to yours, grinning as he tried to focus on your eyes and lips at the same time. 
“- Yeah ? Wanna show me how much ? 
- I’m going to make you feel so good, make you scream my name for all the neighbors to hear.”
You licked your lips, your gaze locking with each other. Slowly, Jake’s face got closer to yours, one of his hands leaving your waist to rest on your cheek, tilting your head up so he could kiss you. He wanted all this to be perfect, wanted to take his time with you, wanted to hold you close to him and satisfy every one of your needs. But as soon as he got another taste of you, he couldn’t stop himself from wanting more, all the teasing from these past months reaching its climax as he devoured you, his tongue passionately dancing with yours. 
You couldn’t hide anymore the effect he had on you, the slightest brush of his thigh against yours having you sighing in his mouth. But you needed more, needed to feel more of him, more of his skin against yours. That was why you let your hands drop from his neck to the hem of his shirt, sliding your fingers underneath the material, finally able to touch the beautiful abs you could only see in pictures and videos. 
Jake’s eyes landed on the hickeys he left earlier, smirking at the fact that your dress didn’t hide them at all. And he made it his mission to cover the other side of your neck as well, his kisses trailing from the corner of your mouth, along your jawline and finally landing on the sensitive skin that he immediately started licking and nipping at. He was used to hearing your little whimpers of pleasure, but it was even more addicting to hear them when he was the one provoking them, even better when he could feel your hands tugging on his hair, even better when he could grip your ass at the same time. 
“- Jake… I need you…
- Mh ? But you have me pretty…”
You could feel his grin against the skin of your neck as he kept sucking on it, his hand slipping underneath your dress to feel your bare skin. He could be as cocky as he wanted, in the end he was getting even more hard just by kneading at the plush flesh of your thighs. And you knew that, and you wouldn’t let his arrogance be. One of your hands came up to grab his jaw, forcing him to look you in the eyes while the other slid down to his crotch, squeezing his hard on enough for Jake to let out a gasp of both surprise and pleasure. 
“- Don’t get so confident baby, you know how good I am at edging you and you don’t want that now, do you ?
- No…”
His voice was barely above a whisper, lips parted, breathing heavily and eyes wide open. You were sometimes getting more assertive in your texts, but to really experience it was different. He loved when you were begging him, but if you wanted him to play in your fantasy and dominate him, you could bet that he would be the best sub ever. 
“- Good boy. Take me to your room.”
That was all Jake needed to carry you through his apartment, managing to get to his bed while kissing you again, and again, and again. He laid you down on his sheets, unaware of how hot you thought he was for being able to do that so effortlessly. You wanted to get on top of him and worship him all night. But for now, you simply watched him discarding his shirt and sweatpants on the floor, biting your lips at the sight.
“- Come here.”
And he did it, caging you in with his arms before going back to kissing you while you let your hands roam around his body, touching up every inch of skin you could reach - his back, his arms, his abs, everything. You needed to have his skin against yours, to really feel him. His own fingers were sliding underneath your dress, caressing your thighs, your ass, your lower back. But all these clothes were getting annoying, he wanted to see you, have your whole body in display for his gaze only. He needed to see in person what you had shown him so many times in pictures and videos. 
“- Can I take these off ?”
You simply nodded, a sigh of relief coming out of your mouth when Jake helped you get rid of everything you were wearing, starting from your jacket that you didn’t even have the time to discard because he immediately jumped on you. Then, he threw away your little boots and your socks, and finally your dress, revealing the black, laced lingerie set you had on. Another smirk played on your lips when you saw shock as well as lust play in his eyes. 
“- You like it ?”
His hands were almost shaking as he put them back on your body, grazing the skin with his fingers slowly. If he liked it ? He could feel his cock twitching at the view alone. You were like a sinful goddess, and you were here for him only, sprawled out on his bed, waiting for him to make you feel good. 
“- Fuck, yes, you’re so hot pretty… Can I touch you ?”
You smiled at him, finding his carefulness even more attractive. As an answer, you took his hands in your own, guiding them to your breast, letting him massage it over your bra as he looked at you like you casted a spell on him. And truth be told, you might have done just that because he soon found himself unable to keep his hands for himself. In the span of a few seconds, Jake had pushed your boobs out of the coffin of your bra, his lips coming down to play with one of your nipples while his fingers were giving attention to the other. 
Your hands quickly came back down to grab his hair, whines leaving your mouth every time his own closed around your nipple. Your mind was already clouded with pleasure and desire, having waited for too long for exactly that to happen, and you didn’t have any patience left : you wanted his cock, and you wanted it now. In one swift movement - and because Jake didn’t expect you to do that - you managed to get him on his back where you were laying seconds before, straddling his lap. Immediately, he found your waist again, his big hands tugging you closer to his cock, where he needed you.
“- If you wanted to be on top, you could’ve just said that, princess.”
You wanted to kiss that stupid, proud grin out of his face, but instead you decided to strip him from his underwear, finally getting to see his cock for real. And it was even more pretty, even more bigger, even more perfect for you. 
“- I just need your cock, I don’t care how, I just need it.”
How eager you were to touch him too had Jake groaning and releasing a moan as soon as you started to stroke his cock. He loved the fact that you simply took what you wanted from him, and he was ready to let you use him in any way you wished if that made you happy. However, all the times he imagined how your hand would feel around his dick couldn’t compare to how it really was, to how good it really was. 
“- Do whatever you want to me.”
You didn’t need to be told twice to lower your head and be at the same level as his cock, sticking out your tongue immediately and coming to lick his flushed tip. The sight was unholy, tempting him to push the rest of his shaft in between your lips right now. Jake couldn’t even recall all the times he closed his eyes and thought about your mouth closing around his dick instead of his hands. And now you were really there, spitting on it and spreading your saliva before taking him in your mouth. 
He couldn’t help but throw his head back, his hands coming down to take a hold of your hair, following the movement of your head. The feeling of having you suck his dick couldn’t compare to anything he had fantasized about before. And if you weren’t so busy trying to fit his big cock in your throat, you would have teased him because he looked so fucked out already and you hadn’t done anything yet. Little by little, you managed to fit all of him down your throat, and the moan he let out at you hollowing your cheeks, making you even more wet if possible. 
“- Fuck ! Your mouth feels so warm, so good…”
Even when you started to bob your head up and down, he didn’t look down at your face, but you wanted his full attention, wanted to see him lose all his composure. Your hands were resting against his thighs, and you started to graze his skin with your nails, effectively getting him to open his eyes and focus on you again. Another moan left his lips just from seeing you like this.
“- Please, don’t stop…”
And you didn’t, feeling his grip on your hair tightening as you took him all the way down once more. If Jake wasn’t trying to not lose his mind over how well you were taking him, he would have loved to wipe the smug expression out of your face. But for now, all he could do was moan and whine and look at you through hooded eyes, loving how much of a mess you were, with a mix of saliva and pre-cum dribbling from the corner of your lips. He couldn’t resist anymore the urge to thrust his cock up in your mouth, closing his eyes again at the feeling of your tight throat around him.
“- Wanna cum in your mouth so bad pretty, can I ? Please, please, let me…”
You hummed in agreement, far too fucked out yourself to do anything else than taking what he was giving to you. At this point, he was simply using you for his own pleasure but you just let him because you loved it, loved how he claimed you by ruining your throat. 
“- Shit Y/N ! Gonna fill you up, yeah ?”
A moan escaped you, the vibration sending Jake over the edge, his hips halting their movement, buried deep inside of your warm mouth and spilling his load right there, your eyes watering as you tried to swallow it all. Jake felt on cloud nine, and he knew that he would not need anyone else for the rest of his life because you were definitely made for him, perfect for him. You got one second to breathe when Jake pulled on your hair, taking you away from his cock and bringing you up to his lips, kissing you deeply and tasting himself on your tongue, loving the nasty mix of both your saliva and his cum. When he finally let you go, you couldn’t help but zeroing again on his red, swollen lips that he was biting while looking intently at you.
“- You did so well for me, pretty, such a good girl.”
His forehead was pressed against yours, cupping your face, thumbs whipping away the tears who had rolled down your cheeks. You felt even more turned on by how thoughtful he was, by his praises, by his sweet gestures despite being so rough with you.
“- Need you Jake…
- Want me to return the favor ?
- Yes, please…”
You felt so desperate for any kind of touch, your body tingling with anticipation as Jake switched position and laid you down on the bed again. He’ll get you to sit on his face another time, when his mind will be clear enough, when he’ll have the patience and self control to make you cum at least two times. He quickly got rid of your bra, even if you looked heavenly in them. But the sight of your naked body was even more appealing. Soon, his hands were all over you again, roaming around your skin and making you shiver. His lips found purchase on your neck again, littering it with more of his kisses and marks. 
“- Don’t tease, please, I want you so bad…”
A single swear escaped Jake’s lips as he helped you out of your panties, bringing them to his nose and making a show out of sniffing them and groaning at the intoxicating scent, allowing you to picture how he looked when he had jerked off with your ruined underwear. Then, he threw them away somewhere in his room, not caring where it landed and grabbing you by your thighs to bring you close to his face, holding them wide open for him. The view of your bare and wet pussy had him getting hard all over again. 
“- Such a pretty cunt baby, bet you taste just as sweet.”
His praises had you shying away from his dark gaze, but you were not able to hold back your little whimpers. Jake chuckled lightly before diving straight into your wet folds, having had enough of teasing you when he was just as desperate to taste you as you were to feel him. The second he licked up your wetness, it was over for him. He could be as cocky as he wanted but not when he felt his cock throbbing only at the taste of your pussy, not when you were invading all his senses as he buried his face between your plush thighs, sucking harshly on your clit. 
Every moan that came out of your lips only spurred him on to continue, to go harder. When he felt you squirming around, he made sure to grip your thighs and keep them in place for him to have better access to your cunt. The way his skillful tongue was taking turns between playing with your clit, licking up your folds and going inside had you losing your mind already, both hands coming down to tug on his hair as if you wanted to keep him there forever. 
“- Fuck ! Jake…”
He opened his eyes again at hearing your cries of his name, diving in your lustful gaze. Your parted lips allowed you to whine out everytime his mouth was on you, your cheeks were dusted pink because of the unbearable heat of your body and your hair was a tangled mess, thanks to Jake’s hands earlier. But to him, you never looked better, an heavenly sight for only him to witness. 
“- Feels good pretty ?”
You nodded along, a quiet whimper echoing through the room at the loss of contact with his wet muscle. 
“- Yes ! Yes, so good…”
Jake knew that, but to hear you say it had a smirk playing on his lips, and you couldn’t even be mad about it because he was looking insanely hot doing it. You could feel the pad of his fingers creeping up the skin between your knees and hips, so slowly it made shivers come alive on your whole body. And when he was almost touching your wet folds, he started all over again with your other leg, this time going as far as debuting at your ankle, and coming up even more lazily. 
“- Please…
- Please what, pretty ?
- You know what I’m talking about !”
Your pouting face was too cute for Jake to not want to tease you more. He loved it when you made him go crazy, loved when you were getting him hard in the most inappropriate situations because you sent him a picture of your boobs. But it was also enjoyable to have you in the palm of his hand, dying for him to touch you. He rested his hands on the insides of your thighs, so close to where you needed him and yet so far away. 
“- Hum, I don’t think so baby, you need to use your words if you want something.”
The grin on his face got even wider when he witnessed the way your hole clenched around nothing at his demanding tone, at his deep, low voice. He suspected that you had a thing for it since you were always biting your lips when he facetimed you early in the morning or late at night with his hoarse voice. 
“- Come on, don’t get shy on me now, you told me a lot more worse before.”
You did. You definitely did with all the filthy texts you exchanged, and all the photos, videos and audios you sent, and your panties which were still sitting in one of his drawers like the ultimate proof of how naughty you were. 
“- Want your fingers…
- Here we go. That wasn't so difficult, princess, was it ?”
You shook your head no as Jake dived back into your cunt, his lips finding their spot back on your clit, while his hand finally reached your wet folds. His touch was as light as a feather, but still enough to tear a noise out of you, still enough to make you crave more. All it took was a slight tug on the strands of hair you were still gripping and suddenly, you could feel one of his fingers entering you slowly, so as to not hurt you. 
“- Good ?”
You nodded energetically, releasing a sigh of relief to have something filling your empty pussy, and you didn’t even need to tell Jake for him to understand that you wanted more, inserting another finger while still playing with your clit with his tongue. And when he started to pump his fingers in and out, you knew that you wouldn’t last long, especially not when he seemed to have figured out exactly how to make you lose your mind. You couldn't stop the noises from coming out of your mouth anymore, pushing Jake's head even closer to your core if that was even possible, grinding on his face as pleasure coursed through your veins and the knot in your stomach snapped. 
Your breath was knocked out of your lungs, and you almost didn't feel his gentle kisses on your inner thighs to help you come down off your high. What you did feel though was him pulling out his fingers and bringing them to your lips. He smiled sweetly at your obedience, watching you through his lashes as you opened your mouth and let him bury them inside, even moaning around his fingers just like you did around his dick.  
“- So good for me, fuck, you're so pretty…”
He wanted to lick off your lips the string of saliva connecting them to his fingers, wanted to make out with you and your pussy for the rest of his life. Silence came back in his room, only broken by your heavy breathings, looking into each other's eyes as if you could read your minds. 
“- You’re gonna fuck me or not ?”
Your teasing smirk and the challenging tone of your voice brought a grin on his face, which widened at the strangled moan you let out when he grabbed your hips and forced you to turn around, getting you on your knees, ass up and pushing your head down his pillow. He was doing with his hands everything he did with his words : ordering you around, telling you how to place the camera so he had the best view of your dripping cunt, not letting you cum before he did. Without letting you have any more time to think, Jake was pushing the tip of his cock between your folds, sliding right in with how wet you were. You couldn’t see him from your position, but you could hear his deep groan as you clenched around him. 
“- All you need is a little bit of dick to shut your big mouth uh ?”
You wanted to protest, to say no, to answer something that would have made him shut up, but all that came out of your lips was a cry of his name as he thrusted all the way in. If he wasn’t holding your hips up, you would’ve collapsed, overwhelmed by the rush of pleasure in your body at feeling so full suddenly. 
“- Yeah, that’s it, just a slut who needs to be fucked.”
As much as Jake wanted to sound composed, his voice was shaking, and the moan that left him just after was really far from composed. The feeling of your tight, warm, velvety walls had him wondering why he waited so long before fucking you because it had to be what heaven felt like. Slowly, he pulled his cock out, only to thrust back inside roughly, the sound of your whimpers mingling with his deep groans. 
“- Fuck ! You’re perfect for my cock, pretty little pussy.”
At this point, you could only whine in his pillow, mumbling on and on about how good he felt, about how you had wanted this for so long. And Jake wanted to be cocky about it, wanted to tease you for being so desperate for his cock, but he wasn’t doing any better, barely resisting the urge of painting your walls white on the spot. You had told him so many times over text and even during your calls how much you wanted him to fuck you raw, how much you needed him to fill you up to the brim, it was the only thing he could think about right now. 
“- You want me to fill you up with my cum ? Is that what you want ?”
You moaned in response, your brain too mushy to think about anything else than the way the tip of his cock was hitting your sweet spot over and over. But that didn’t seem to satisfy him as he pulled on your hair, yanking your head back. Another noise fell out of your lips at his rough actions and you could feel the smirk on his lips when they brushed against your ear while he was talking. 
“- Words pretty.
- Yes, fuck ! I want your cum Jake, want it all, please !”
- Such a good little slut, shit !”
You felt your eyes watering again with the increasing speed of Jake’s thrusts, the rush of pleasure through your body too good to resist anymore. Your orgasm washed over you before you could even register it, leaving you a moaning and incoherent mess in his hold. The feeling of your cunt getting even more tight was enough for Jake to cum too, spilling his load inside of you with a throaty groan. 
You were tired, but still, the tingling sensation in your core was there. You wanted more of his cock, more of his moans, more of his hands on you, more of him. A quiet whine fell from your lips when Jake started kissing your back up and down, his hands caressing your hips to soothe the skin he had marked. And you knew all of this was supposed to be sweet and caring, but all it did was turn you on even more, your cunt squeezing his cock that was still buried inside. You felt some of his cum spilling out and sliding down your thighs, followed closely by a swear from Jake.
“- You’re getting me hard again pretty…”
You turned your head to look at him, cheeks flushed and eyes glossy, lips swollen and red from his kisses, and hair a mess because of his hands. And Jake could swear it was the most divine you’ve ever looked - when he had just ruined you.
“- Let me ride you then. 
- Fuck, yes.”
You chuckled at his eagerness when he pulled out from your leaking cunt, trying not to drool at the sight as he plopped down on his bed, grabbing your thighs and bringing you on his lap. But you couldn’t really make fun of him when you had dreamt about this for just as long. You traced along the marks that already started to blossom on his skin, grinning proudly at your work and loving how sensitive Jake was, taking a deep breath as you took his cock in your hand, brushing the tip against your entrance. 
“- Y/N… Please…”
The way the word came so easily to him paired with his whine of your name convinced you to not make him wait any longer and to sink on his dick instead, both of you moaning at the feeling. It felt so much deeper this way, and you knew only from the photos that he was big, but you were only acknowledging just how much now. 
“- Feels so good Jake, love your big cock…”
He desperately wanted to answer something, wanted to tell you how delicious you were, but you took his breath away when you started rocking your hips back and forth. And suddenly, the only thing he was able to think about was you. His hands were on your waist, but he didn’t have enough consciousness left to even help you bounce up and down, simply staring at you, mesmerized. 
A flood of dirty words was coming out of your mouth, praising him and his dick, telling him how good he felt, how handsome he was. And Jake loved the attention, loved to feel your hands dangerously close to his neck, close enough for him to want your fingers wrapped around his throat, close enough for you to purposely restrict his breathing a little without really choking him. Only the squelching of your mixed juices and the ones of your cries of pleasure could be heard in the room, both of you too fucked out to care about anything else than your release. 
“- Can I cum inside again, pretty, please ? Please, let me…
- Yes, want it so bad !”
Jake closed his eyes as he felt his orgasm approaching, lifting his hips to meet your thrusts. He was only able to do it a few times before his cock twitched, cumming deep inside. He kept you down on his lap until he felt on the verge of passing out. The erotic moans and whimpers he let out triggered your own climax, and everything was even more intense because of the slight overstimulation. You grinned your hips against him a few more times before your arms and legs gave out and you collapsed on top of him, his arms immediately wrapping around your sweaty body. 
You closed your eyes for a moment, and you were almost ready to fall asleep when Jake moved you off of him and stood up. You whined and grabbed him by his wrist, trying to pull him back to the bed with you. 
“- I’m just going to take something to clean us up pretty, I’ll be quick, promise.”
Jake smiled fondly at your pouty lips before kissing them and running to the bathroom to find a towel. He rapidly cleaned your skin, delicately whipping it down and handed you one of his shirts to cover up when he saw you shiver. He discarded the towel on the floor, not having the energy to do anything else than going to sleep with you in his arms right now. He slipped under the covers after having put on some shorts. 
You directly snuggled up to him, hiding your face in his neck and breathing his scent in. And Jake couldn’t help the big smile stretching out his lips when he tightened his hold around your waist and distinctly heard you hum against his skin.
“- Y/N ?”
You lifted your head when he broke the comfortable silence that had settled between the two of you, taking in his soft smile, his shiny eyes and his disheveled hairs. Maybe he had looked more put together before, but to you, he was the most beautiful like this. 
“- Will you be my girlfriend ?”
And you couldn’t help but reciprocate his smile and shake your head. Sometimes, he was very silly. Sometimes, he could be considered childish. But he was able to bring back sunshine when your days were filled with gray clouds, and he could make you laugh anytime you felt down. Your hands came up to cup his face, delicately brushing your thumbs against his cheekbones. 
“- You know, you’re very charming Jake Sim, it’s hard to resist you.”
This time, it was him who hid in your neck, holding you even tighter if it was possible. And you giggled heartedly, a sound that Jake would never get sick of hearing. And maybe he had lost your game, but he had won something even more precious. 
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BONUS : 
You picked up your phone when getting out of the store, holding a little plastic bag with everything you needed to cook a delicious breakfast for you and Jake. Speaking of whom, you had a bunch of messages from him, asking where you were, and if you had ran away. Texts saying how sorry he was if he was too pushy last night, that he would let you as much time as you wanted if it was what you needed. And endless apologies, over and over. You only answered with a quick message letting him know that you would be back quickly.
Meanwhile, Jake was really panicking. When he woke up and felt the space beside him empty and that your clothes weren’t littering the floor of his bedroom anymore, all remnants of sleepiness left his body, immediately looking around the apartment to see if you were anywhere. It was stupid, he knew it, if you had left, it was certainly for a good reason, but he couldn’t help asking himself if maybe you had come to the conclusion that you didn’t want to be with him. He sat down on one of the kitchen stools, biting his nails while waiting for you to say something else but you didn’t, and stress took over him again. 
When you pushed the door open, you were only met with Jake's worried look waiting for you in the kitchen. He was only wearing the same pair of gray sweatpants as last night and you couldn’t stop your mind from going back to how good it all felt, but the object of your fantasies stopped your thoughts from going too far.
“- Where were you !? 
- I was at the store down the street, to buy us breakfast.”
You lifted your bag and dropped it on the kitchen counter before making your way over to Jake until you could run your fingers through his hair. The hands of the boy came up to rest on your waist, only noticing now that you were wearing his clothes, his heart beating faster at the view. 
“- Didn’t you see my note ?”
You looked around and saw that it was still where you had left it, immediately showing it to Jake who was getting more and more embarrassed for getting so worked up over something so stupid. 
“- I’m sorry, I just thought that maybe you didn’t mean what you said last night and that you realized that this morning and decided to leave…”
Jake hesitantly looked up at your face to find you smiling fondly at him. You leaned down to place a kiss on his lips, and another one, and another one, until you had peppered his whole face with kisses and made him giggle shyly.
“- You’re an idiot if you think you’re going to get away from me so easily, I’m not letting you go. 
- Good, because I don’t want you to.”
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-> i don't allow any copies, translations or reposts of my post.
-> moon dividers by @samspenandsword
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enha masterlist (fill in this to be added) :
@bbgnyx @hann1bee @iraisswiftie
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silencesscreams · 9 months
Note
"is there any chance i can fix this?" where james and reader are best friends since birth but he begins to pull away and spend less time with her in favor of the boys, so she just cuts him out of her life and after a while he doesn't know how to deal with it anymore. hiiiii
sad beautiful tragic
james potter x fem reader (angst)
a/n: sorry about any grammar mistakes, english isn’t my first language (also i’m pretty bad at writing angst but i tried my best) also immediately thought of the title because of the taylor swift song, so hope you don’t mind the association. also the first kiss part came to my mind because of a tiktok i saw a few weeks ago but i don’t really remember who’s it was to credit them
warnings: friendship distancing, kissing, fighting, cursing, a bit short (sorry), happy ending
“i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry, honey, please. is there any chance i can fix this? just tell me, please”
you knew james potter and he knew you. knowing meaning comprehending each other, meaning that you stood by each others side for as long as you can remember.
he was your first friend. he was your neighbor and you both grew up together, it was expected that you both would know each other better than anyone.
sure, it felt different when you both started hogwarts and suddenly he had new friends, but so did you. you spent the time you could together, always saving a bit of your days for each other.
during the sixth to seventh year summer vacation, he had spent the whole summer with you, you both would hang out all the time.
until he kissed you.
it was the last day of summer and you both had spent the evening in his room. you were talking about a book you had been reading recently and he listened quietly, like it was the most interesting thing he had ever heard of. until you paused for a brief moment and he moved closer to you. you were sat on the floor with him, the carpet tickling your legs as you played with the fluffy yarn under you.
“honey” he said, you looked at him, doe eyed waiting for him to continue. “a phrase. two words, six letters, two vowels. guess.” he said lowly whilst looking at your lips. your mind went blank.
one vowel for each word. you still didn’t get it.
“what are the vowels?” you whisper back, he smiles.
“i and e” he answers, not taking his eyes from off of you for a second. you knew.
“kiss me?” and so he did. his lips met yours abruptly, his hands grabbed your hips and yours went straight to the back of his neck. it completely changed the way you ever saw him, hell, it completely changed your expectations to a kiss. it was better than anything you’d ever experienced and you loved it.
when you got back to school, it seemed like he didn’t do that, actually, it seemed like he didn’t even talk to you the whole summer.
sure, he did casually say hello in the halls and you might’ve shared one or two conversations, but what the hell? he kisses you like that and expects you to just forget about it? that was the most fucked up thing anyone could’ve done. as the semester went on, your mind was absolutely torturing you over that kiss.
it made you overthink every single thing you ever did around him. but maybe he didn't have time, maybe he was really busy with his studies and quidditch, right? that was probably it.
he saw you every once in a while, said an awkward hi or whatever that thing signaling head thing he did was.
the crush you had developed for him didn’t help at all. it made you crave his presence in your life, even now that you hated him more than you ever thought you possibly could. you missed his pet names for you, ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’ sounded so amazing coming out of his mouth.
but from the moment he started to ignore you, you decided he was absolutely done. he was never going to see a smile coming from you ever again, he was never going to get another hello, nothing. james potter didn’t deserve a single thing from you.
your friends agreed. they thought he was a piece of shit and said you should’ve cut him off a long time before.
life went on without him, you barely thought about him. your studies were going well, everything was great.
christmas break came up and when you saw james at the train station, you were pissed. you knew he was going to be there for christmas dinner, he was always invited alongside with his family. you didn’t know how he was going to act then, was he going to pretend it never happened?
when you got home, your mother instantly started asking you what you wanted for dinner and you were glad to be home, you just hated that he was in the house next to yours.
a few nights after you both got home, you were invited for a date by steven, who worked at a bookstore near the city park. you said yes, he took you to see a shitty movie and tried to kiss you after dropping you off at your front porch. you dodged it and gave him a good night kiss on the cheek. james saw it all.
once the date left, you heard him yelling from his porch:
“who’s that?” you ignored him and went inside, sure, you weren’t going to see steven again but james didn’t deserve to know that.
on christmas day you went to the potter’s for dinner, your parents insisted for you to go, even though you tried to fake being sick. sirius was there too, you politely greeted all of them and didn’t bother to answer james’ “hey”.
when you sat at the side of the living room table james sat next to you, even though that wasn’t his usual seat. you played with your dress awkwardly and ate less, being there was making you so irritated you lost your appetite.
after taking a bite from your dessert, you thanked euphemia for the food and told your parents you were feeling a bit sick and that you were heading home, telling them to enjoy the rest of their night.
as you were opening the door to head out, you heard footsteps behind you. you knew james was there and you had no interest to talk with him.
“don’t” you simply stated, stepping out and shutting the door lightly on him, he followed you during the small walk between both your houses.
“hey!” he shouted, trying to get your attention. you were about to shut the door to your house on his face, but he held it with his foot, going into your house.
he pulled you by your wrist but you tugged it away from him.
“don’t touch me!” you shouted at him, staring into his eyes for the first time that night.
“now you can talk to me, huh? ‘the fucks up with you?!” he shouts back, brows furrowed. you couldn’t believe him, what a fucking nerve he had.
“whats up with YOU?!” you step closer to him, throwing your keys on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. “you’ve ignored me for the whole semester and now you wanna talk?” he had never seen you like this. you had never been this angry at anyone or anything around him.
“i’m sorry?” he had no reaction, he knew he was wrong, he just couldn’t deal with it. with anything. he didn’t know what to do after he kissed you, he couldn’t handle any of it. he knew that if he spent more time around you he would fall harder, he couldn’t risk it.
“i’m sorry! now that you don’t have anyone else near for you to talk to, i’m worthy of your attention? i’m so lucky, right?!” your eyes started to tear up, but you held it in, he was not getting to see you cry.
“honey, i’m sorry i didn’t talk much with you these past few months, but i tried to speak with you tonight and you didn’t even bother to answer me!” he ran his hand through his hair, looking at you as you sat down on the couch, staring at your hands.
“you didnt even look at me. the entire fucking night. one lousy ‘hey’ is not trying to do anything” he handed you a piece of paper, it was crumpled up in his jeans’ pocket. you knew he was bad with words, but the paper was written front and back. what was he even trying to do? did he think a letter was enough to fix the damage he had done?
“really? you’re a little too late for this, don’t you think?” you said, looking at him angrily.
“fine, don’t read it then. just keep it, okay?” he knew you were about to cry. it was the worst feeling he had ever felt.
“you don’t get to do this to me, james” you hold back tears once you say it.
“i know, honey, i know” he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cupping your face as you try to not melt because of his touch. he kisses you, but this time you pull away.
“no. don’t do this to me” you say, a single tear streaming down your face, he wipes it off but more tears just keep coming
“im sorry, im so sorry for everything i did and-“ you interrupt him.
“could you just try to listen?!” you shout, pulling away from his touch again. “what makes you think that i want this? after all you did, better, all that you didn’t do?! you kiss me and expect me to forget about it? expect me to be okay with you ignoring me all the time just because you kissed me again? i can’t be okay with any of this unless you actually explain to me what happened. i really try to understand you, but all of this doesn’t help!”
“i love you” he says “i have loved you all my life and i didn’t know, after i kissed you it all hit me and i couldn’t trust myself around you anymore, i didn’t want to hurt you so i pulled away, i just didn’t know it would hurt you more like that. i’m sorry, but im here now and i want to show you how much I do love you” he pauses and sits next to you on the couch.
“i’m sorry, okay? i’m so sorry, honey, please. is there any chance i can fix this? just tell me, please” he wipes the tears from off your face again. you knew he meant it, you just didn’t know how to trust him again.
“i don’t know” you whisper, looking into his eyes, you had never seen him look this sad. you wanted to trust him, you really did, but how could you? how could you know he wasn’t going to pull something like that again?
you couldn’t be sure of anything, you could only hope for the best and be careful. so you gave it a shot.
“come here” you say lowly, pulling him in for a hug. he buried his face in the crook of your neck and gave you small kisses.
“i’m so sorry, baby” he whispered.
“i know” you whisper back, he looks at you and gives you quick kisses all over your face. you can’t help but smile.
it was going to take a while for you to trust him again, but you knew you could.
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icyg4l · 1 month
Text
PAC: Your Upcoming Semester
hello beautiful people! alright so… i lied about not posting the other night. my bad!!! but i hope this makes up for it. i’ve been getting ready for school and i am so excited about this new transition. soon, i will make readings available for sale again. i also have an announcement to make regarding readings for sale soon as well! i hope you guys enjoy the reading! without further ado, please choose your pile!
top left-to-bottom right: (1-4)
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pile one: mentally, you’re not prepared to be back in school. pile one, i’m not going to lie. it will take you a while to adjust to the new semester. this summer was definitely vacation time. you took the time off to just relax and do you, but it’s time to put in that work now. do you have your things together? are you registered? have you signed up for classes? if not, you need to do so! once you get the hang of this, i feel like the semester will fly by. i feel like some of you will get into arguments unfortunately. it could be over something small but don’t let it blow out of proportion. i heard “the future looks very promising”. you have to learn how to look on the bright side sometimes to avoid losing your mind. it’s best that you spend time learning a new language or skill. it’s also best that you get involved with the earth club if that’s something you’re interested. i thought of the everest college commercial lol (if you know, you know). don’t waste your time focusing on the small stuff. look at the bigger picture, pile one.
cards used: 7 of wands. 4 of swords. 10 of wands. 8 of swords. 3 of wands. the star. 8 of wands.
extra messages: petty arguments. solo. snooze button. cotton ball. coraline (2009). prove it. plea.
pile two: it feels like you are redeeming yourself, pile two. it feels like you failed your last semester or had the bare minimum grades to pass the last go around. but you don’t have to do anything to prove to anyone but yourself at the end of the day. there is a chance that you could be in front of the cameras during the semester. if you are interested in journalism, now is your chance to get involved. if you want to switch your major or join the broadcasting team, then go for it! you have to learn school-life balance. you have struggled with this in the past. know when you can handle something & know when to take your L, which brings me to another thing. this semester, you should know when to ask for help. if you need a tutor or extra help, you know where to find resources. use them! you cannot do everything by yourself. i see some type of celebration happening. if your birthday is in the first semester, happy early birthday! but this could also mean that you are celebrating a hard and long semester. take pride in your accomplishments because no one can take them away from you. maximize their importance! maximize your importance!
cards used: ten of swords. the hermit. 6 of discs. the emperor. 5 of swords. knight of swords. 4 of wands.
extra messages: vintage. playing cards. coolio. parlay. late night studying. destined to be. rewards. partial completion credit. i’ll take it. osmosis jones. snacking problem. cheez-its. love island voter. kiss me by sixpence.
pile three: this pile is for my people who desire to be in the healthcare industry. i think that this semester will fly by. you have always been on top of your game when it comes to school. you knew that you would do well before you even clicked on this reading. however, i think you will be putting more of an effort to get yourself out there. the dating scene will be improving for you to get in. someone will ask you out on a date. it feels like you’ve been waiting for this to happen. do not let this turn of events distract you from what really matters which is your educational endeavors. this is very specific, but if there is someone you date that is well-connected, utilize their connections to your benefit. make sure that you can get something out of all of your contacts. don’t just let people take up space in your life. this is definitely for my college babes, maybe high school seniors too. just be open to fun and don’t carry shame for wanting to have fun! you deserve to have a life too!
cards used: the tower, queen of wands, the high priestess, the empress, 9 of cups, prince of wands, the hermit, the emperor.
extra messages: veterinarian. crest toothpaste. toenail jam. worms. marine biologist. dental work. boogeyman. letting your hair down. toes in the sand.
pile four: you have a lot of stuff on the line, pile four. there will be so many things available to you that weren’t before & it would be a shame if you didn’t take advantage of that. however, you do not want to do anything that would take away from your drive, finances, goals or educational career as a whole. there are lots of temptations coming up for you this semester. some of you could just be entering undergrad, perhaps grad school too. you will have a lot more control of your life than you did before. but with great power comes great responsibilities. your energy is similar to pile three in the sense that fun is on the way. but you have the tendency to overdo it. if you’re sexually active, then you need to not engage in sex too much. if you drink, then do not engage in drinking too much. it will become a distraction, and then eventually a problem. distinguish who is supposed to be in your life and who isn’t. you have a bit of naïveté about you. lastly, if you are asked to do something that sounds like it would be risky to your academic career/your life in general, DO NOT DO IT! it is not worth the irreparable damage. bending your morals will not work in your favor.
cards used: 9 of cups, death, the magician, 10 of swords, the moon.
extra messages: call home. out of bounds. melodrama (2017). record scratch. debrief. gaining pounds. life hacks. selenite. prozac. potty mouth.
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incendiobrock · 2 months
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Tainted Temptations {Chris Sturniolo}
Summary: After Chris had broken up with you, you had been having trouble focusing on your college courses. School was always your number one priority but with it being finals week your friends convinced you to go to a frat party to keep your mind off things (and to forget about Chris). What happens when you run into him at the party?
Pairing(s): frat!boy Chris x fem!reader
Warnings: Drinking, Language, Mentions of sex, Mentions of throwing up (not descriptive and very brief!)
A/N: I’m backkk🤞♥️
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It was nearing the end of the semester and you were more than ready for your finals to be over. College had been kicking your ass and it had gotten to the point where you were anticipating your graduation, focusing on that more than trying to complete your work. You were always a stellar student, doing all of your homework and studying hard for your exams, but this semester had been hell for you. All your courses were draining, staying up late hours into the night cramming for exams, and your boyfriend had broken up with you after almost a year of dating.
You had met him your freshman year of college and began dating towards the middle of your sophomore year. When he broke things off, you were left heartbroken, not knowing how to be yourself without another person attached. It had been a good amount of time since then but it was still difficult being around him because of the memories it would bring up. He was in a frat and was pretty involved with the school so you were constantly running into him.
After a ton of convincing messages, your friends had managed to talk you into attending a frat party. They said you needed a break from the stress of finals week, and they were right. You took a look in the mirror that sat in the corner of your dorm room, trying to tell yourself that the outfit you had on was sufficient for the party. The dress you had on left little to the imagination, accentuating every curve of your body. You knew that you looked good, but the anxiety about him being there made you anxious.
It was no secret that Chris loved to party. Even when you were together he was always going on with his frat brothers, staying out until the early morning while you opted to stay in and study. School was always first in your mind, completely opposite to the boy.
You and your small group of friends had finally arrived to the frat house, you were nursing your red solo cup and trying to distract yourself from the thoughts of your ex. He hadn’t even crossed your line of sight but somehow you could just feel his presence somewhere within the depths of the house. Your heart was pounding against your chest as the loud music bumped through the air, your anxiety was off the charts.
“Relax girl, you look like you’re about to crush the cup in your hand,” One of your friends giggled, yelling over the music and chatter of the other party goers. Your tongue darted across your lip nervously as you glanced down at the cup in your hand, realizing that you had been squeezing the plastic. “Sorry,” You mumbled, trying to put a soft smile on your face so your friends didn’t question your behavior.
“What’s gotten into you?” Your other friend asked, noticing your unusual demeanor. You let out a shaky breath as your eyes scanned the room, unintentionally looking for the boy who broke your heart. He was still nowhere to be seen but you couldn’t shake the feeling that he was lurking somewhere in the shadows.
“Is this about chris?” Your friend asked, causing your eyes to almost pop out of your head as she yelled his name. “Can you keep it down! He might hear you!” You scolded. As soon as his name was said, the energy in the room seemed to shift. Every bodies eyes were on you as you anxiously swayed in the crowd, or so you thought. Without a word you excused yourself from your group, pushing through the crowd and sloshing your drink all over your hand and the floor. Maybe you shouldn’t have come out… It was finals week after all.
Finally the crowd seemed to dissipate as you made it to a new area in the house, trying to catch your breath as panic set into your body. The alcohol you had consumed wasn’t helping to calm your nerves. You stumbled slightly as you tugged at the bottom of your dress, trying to make sure your ass was covered despite the minimal coverage it offered. The wall behind your back became your new support as you swayed, leaning against it. There was a noise a few feet away from you and then laughter filled your ears, you glanced to your left with squinted eyes. You recognized that laugh from anywhere.
Chris stood down the hall with a group of his frat bros, one of them crushing and then dropping a beer can on the ground after successfully shotgunning it. The alcohol in your system set your skin a blaze, your breath catching in your throat as your eyes keep their hold on Chris. His laugh filled the atmosphere once more, joking around with his friends, completely unaware of your presences right down the hall.
The music began to ring in your ears as you realized you were significantly more drunk than you had once thought, stumbling to the side despite the fact that you were leaned against a wall. You were the one making noise now as you knocked a picture off of the wall, the frame shattering on the ground below you and almost making you drop to your knees. "Shit," You muttered, bending down to grab the pieces of glass off the floor as quickly as your drunken state would let you.
There were a million tiny shards of glass scattered across the smooth cement floors. With a delicately cupped hand, you picked the pieces up one by one, oblivious to the footsteps that were now walking over towards your body as it kneeled on the dirty frat house floor.
"Y/n?" A voice called, pulling you out of your trance and causing you to look up at the figure towering over you. All the anxiety, mixed with the alcohol, had your emotions running high. "I broke the frame-" You chocked out, tears filling your eyes as the guilt consumed you. Chris quickly bent down to your level, his hand immediately finding your face and cupping your cheeks. "Hey, hey..." He spoke almost urgently, using his hands to make you face him. "It's okay," He assured you, knowing this is how you got when you were too drunk.
"Dude what the fuck happened?" One of Chris' frat brothers laughed, joining in on the scene in front of him, watching you with a devious look as the tears began to stream down your face. "Awww, did somebody drink too much?" The guy teased, blissfully unaware that the drunk ditz he was teasing was his buddies ex girlfriend.
"Yo, knock it off-" Chris snapped, jumping in to defend you even though he owed you nothing. You felt humiliated, not only had you broken something, but you were way more drunk that you wanted to be, and of course Chris so happened to see you like this... The glass shards were still cupped in your hand as your arm fell limp into your lap, giving up on cleaning the mess in front of you.
Chris was quick to stand behind you and put his hands under your arms to lift you off the ground, "Come on ma," He whispered as his head dipped towards your ear, pulling you to stand in front of him. You sadly cupped the glass pieces, your body weak as he lifted you off the ground. Chris gently grabbed your wrist, flipping your hand over and dumping the pieces back onto the ground. Before you could protest his other arm swung out and smacked his friends chest, "Clean this up for me, I gotta take her home." His friend shot Chris a glare, looking confused by his command as he glanced over to the two of you. When he realized who Chris was consoling, then he realized why he was acting so demanding... "Yeah man, I got you," His friend said solemnly, knowing Chris was dead set on getting you out of the party.
Chris' hands were glued to your waist as he held you in front of him, rushing the two of you out of the crowded, sweat filled party. You swayed on your feet, trying to keep up with his fast pace as he maneuvered you through the crowd. Finally, you had reached the exit and the cool autumn breeze hit your glistening skin, causing goosebumps to prickle over your body. Chris hadn't let up on directing your movements, now walking you down the sidewalk and up the hill, the frat house slowly disappearing into the distance. There was a comfortable silence that hung in the night air, neither of you speaking. The wind picked up, causing the trees to sway around the two of you. Chris trailed his hands up to your bare shoulders, the spaghetti strap of your dress offering no additional warmth, rubbing his hands up and down your arms trying to warm you up and rid you of your goosebumps.
After what felt like an eternity to you, but in reality was only about five minutes, Chris had made it back to his apartment. His left hand dug into his jean pockets in search of his key, his other hand firmly holding your body against his in efforts to keep you standing upright. He dug out the metal key sticking it into the lock and pushing open the heavy, wooden door to let you both inside. As Chris shut the door behind you, locking it back in place, his voice finally cut through the silence, "You alright?"
You had made your way to the living room, plopping down onto the couch. Words wouldn't form in your mouth so all you offered in response was a weak, two thumbs-up, your head lolling back onto the sofa cushion. That response wasn't enough for Chris, he sighed softly, reaching into the fridge and grabbing a water bottle before joining you on the sofa. He sat close to you, your thighs touching as he twisted the cap off the bottle, "Use your words ma, how are you feeling?" He repeated, holding the bottle out for you. You shakily took it from him, bringing it up to your lips and taking a gulp before holding it back out for him. "M'fine," You slurred, your head falling back against the cushions again as your head spun in circles. His eyes watched over you carefully, not believing that you were fine. He knew you like the back of his hand, going out, getting drunk, especially on finals week... That wasn't like you. That wasn't like his girl.
"I didn't expect to see you tonight," He admitted, his voice gentle and cautious, not wanting to upset you. You let out a sigh, bringing a hand up to your face and rubbing your eyes, "They convinced me..." You whispered your confession. Chris' eyes never left your figure as he studied all your features, his eyes drawn to the tiny outfit you had chosen to wear. He nodded, knowing your group of friends tended to enjoy the party scene despite you being more reserved. "Drink a lot?" He asked next, his voice still gentle. "Didn't think I did-" You admitted, having not even planned to be anything more than slightly tipsy.
Chris let out a small, breathy chuckle, a soft smirk falling over his lips at your words. "So why'd you go then?" He pressed lightly, curiosity getting the best of him. A soft hum fell past your lips in response, as if that answered his question. His hand came up to your face, brushing your hair behind your ear so he could see your face more clearly, "Words mama," He encouraged, his hand falling to rest on your shoulder as he stared intently at you. Deep down he knew the answer. He knew you had only gone out to try and forget about him.
You shrugged your shoulders, not wanting to say your reasoning. His thumb began to rub over your bare skin, his touch setting your body on fire. “You can tell me,” He said in a low, husky voice trying to egg you on. Your bottom lip tugged between your teeth as your mind raced trying to think of what to say, “Needed a break from homework,” You decided on, knowing that it could be a believable excuse considering how intensely you would always study. Chris smirked again at your answer, “Come on, don’t lie to me now…”
Finally, you looked over at him with slightly wide eyes, becoming fully aware that you were in his presence, in his apartment, just like you used to be. His tongue darted out of his mouth, swiping a quick streak across his bottom lip as he bore into your eyes. “M’not lying…” You whispered, believing there was some truth behind your words, a white lie never hurt anybody... His eyes raked down your figure, drinking you up as if he were deprived of water for days. He brought his hand up, his thumb holding your chin in place so you had no choice but to look him in the eyes, “Alright. One more chance, why were you there?” His tone was serious, the almost rasp that dripped off his words sending you into a frenzy. You blinked rapidly, swallowing down a lump that had formed in your throat, “Chris, I-“ You chocked out.
His apartment seemed to shrink in size, despite it being an open concept you were suddenly feeling cramped in the space. Goosebumps rose on your skin once more as you noticed the wind from the ceiling fan above you. Chris couldn’t help but notice the way your nipples began to poke through the black fabric of your dress, making the tension in the room that much thicker. “That’s a nice, little dress you got on,” He complimented, emphasis on the word little as he meant it literally… That dress was barely even considered a dress. “T-thanks..” You mumbled, his thumb still holding your chin in place, reaching up to run it over your bottom lip, making your mouth part slightly. A shaky breath fell past your lips, he had always had this sort of effect on you.
Silence fell over the room again as Chris caressed your skin, his hand traveling from your lips down over your shoulder and arm, making his way down to your exposed thigh. He knew you were drunk, and he wasn’t a prude, but he couldn’t deny the tinge of excitement he felt knowing he still had this sort of control over you, leaving you breathless. His hand squeezed your upper thigh, kneading it between his fingers, sending butterflies erupting through your whole body. “It’s getting late….” Chris whispered, his hand inching slightly further up your thigh. A small gasp left your mouth in response, nodding your head slightly. “I’ll find you something to wear,” He continued, giving your thigh a friendly pat before standing up from the couch. A whine escaped you as you watched him walk out of the living room, leaving you alone on the sofa.
Chris dug through his dresser, searching for a soft t-shirt and a pair of boxers for you to wear as pajamas. A smirk played on his lips as he thought about having you in his bed for the first time in months, he couldn’t deny that he missed it. If he hadn’t run into you at the party tonight he probably wouldn’t have reached out to you. The fact that you were there made him feel like there must have been a reason. You were drunk and weak and you needed him, and who was he to not provide for you?
He walked back out into the living room to meet you at the couch, “Let’s get you changed, yeah?” He asked softly, holding a hand out to you in an effort to pull you off the couch. Your hand grabbed onto his, allowing him to assist you in standing up. The dress you had on had nearly ridden up so your whole ass was out for display, Chris quickly noticed, his breathing quickening. Gently, his hands pushed the small, sting straps over your shoulders before slowly pulling the dress down over your chest, exposing your breasts. Chris kept pulling the dress down reaching your hips, the small fabric hugging you tightly, practically peeling off of your skin. He pulled the dress over your ass before dropping it down to your ankles, catching your waist in his hands and steadying you as you stepped out of the fabric.
He couldn’t help but admire your body which was now almost completely bare in front of him. The only thing covering you was a small, black, lace thong that made his mouth water. “Arms up,” He demanded in a low voice, getting the t-shirt ready to slip over your head. You weakly raised your arms over your head, letting out a sigh as he pulled the shirt down over you, smoothing the sides of your body with his large hands. Chris then helped you step into the pair of boxers, allowing them to act as a pair of shorts. He patted your hips, “All done.” You looked up to him, meeting his eyes with a soft smile, silently thanking him for the clothes. Your feet dragged across the floor as you stumbled towards his bedroom, your heart aching as his scent invades your nose.
You couldn't help but glance around the room, taking in its familiarity. Everything was exactly how you remembered it being, it almost looked untouched since the last time you had seen it months ago. There was still a pair of movie tickets pinned to his bulletin board above his desk, the ones from the first date you had went on. Tears began to prickle in your eyes as you noticed all the little things that still occupied his bedroom. You walked slowly over to his desk, your eyes scanning the bulletin board carefully. Lightly, you traced your fingers over the tickets, an ache in your heart. Chris was now sat at the foot of his bed, watching as you studied his room. "I still have your toothbrush too," He admitted softly, causing you to pull your attention away from his bulletin board to look at him.
Tears lightly trickled down your face at this point, his confess hitting you hard. "Why?" You asked solemnly, your eyes searching his face for an answer. He scooted over on the bed, patting the free space next to him and urging you to sit down. Reluctantly, you obliged as you sat down onto his firm mattress. His hand immediately found your lower back, rubbing it gently before speaking up again, "I fucked up..." He mumbled, his sentence trailing off as he thought of the right words to say. He had hurt you when he broke things off, he knew that he did. "I still love you, you know?" He admitted cautiously, his hand still soothing over your back. Before you had the chance to reply he spoke again, "I never stopped."
You couldn't help the tears now as they left your eyes in a steady stream. You were sure that Chris could hear your heart as it beat against your chest. His hands came up to cup your cheeks, wiping your tears with his thumbs. "You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know," He comforted you, knowing his words were hanging over the room like a dark cloud. Your eyes fluttered closed as you leaned your weight into his palms, letting out a shaky sigh. It felt almost cruel... Like the universe was trying to punish you for something. You had craved this moment for months, ever since the breakup, and now that it was here you weren't sure how to react. The suffering you had endured and all the anxiety felt like a waste. If he had felt this way, for all this time, then why hadn't things been different? "Why'd you break up with me then, Chris?" You whispered sadly.
Chris sighed, running a hand through his wavy, brown hair as he tried to think of a response. Before he could answer, your phone began to ring from somewhere in your purse which was placed delicately on his desk. You huffed, standing up from his bed and digging for your phone, holding it up to your ear, "Hello?" You grumbled. It was your friend on the other line, the loud music from the frat party almost swallowing her voice as she yelled into the phone, "Where did you go? We've been looking all over for you," She yelled. The phone shook lightly as you held it against your ear, your hand trembling slightly. There was a long silence over the line, you didn't want to admit where you had ended up. "Hello?" Her voice filled your ear again, the silence coming from your end of the line confusing her. With a shaky breath you replied in a whisper, "I'm um.. with Chris..."
It was her turn to be quiet this time, the line going silent yet again. "Chris?" She repeated, disappointment evident in her voice. As soon as Chris broke your heart your friends had decided that they weren't fond of him. Anytime you had brought him up they would change the subject, telling you that you could do so much better. They didn't see the side of Chris that you saw. They only saw him as some frat guy, some mediocre twenty year old that fumbled an amazing girl. "Yeah, he helped me get home..." You said, your voice still soft knowing that Chris sat only a couple feet away, hearing the whole conversation. "We could've left at anytime," She argued, upset that you went with Chris instead of your group of friends. You brought your free hand up to rub your temple, a headache beginning to form as you anticipated a lecture. She spoke again, "We're coming to get you. Are you at his apartment?"
"Don't-" You replied firmly, not wanting to leave. "Look, I gotta go okay? I'll text you," You said, giving her no time to disagree before you pull the phone away and end the call. You were quick to put your phone on do not disturb, shoving it back into your purse. With a guilty smile, you glanced back over your shoulder meeting Chris' gaze. "I'm sorry..." You mumbled, walking back over and sitting down on the bed once again. The room felt different now, the energy shifting because of the unexpected phone call. "Don't worry about it.. They're just worried about you," He reassured you, his hand immediately finding your back again as you sat next to him only inches apart now. Electricity seemed to charge your surroundings as his touch reminded you of what you once used to share. His eyes landed on yours as you glanced over to him shyly. With a soft touch, his hand moved from your back to tuck some hair behind your ear, “S’pretty,” He whispered, maintaining eye contact.
A lump formed in your throat, your breath getting caught by his compliment. You couldn’t help but glance down to peak at his lips, a small smirk playing across them. It was wrong, but you wanted to kiss him… He noticed your eyes wandering, leaving his eyes to wander as well as they were no longer held captive by your gaze. There was almost a magnetic pull between the two of you, causing you to lean slowly into him, resting your forehead against his own. The only noise filling the room being your staggered breaths and heavy heartbeats. With a small spurt of confidence you leaned in further, your lips almost making contact with his before he pulled away slightly. A frown decorated your lips, a soft whine escaping you at his sudden movements. “You’re drunk ma…” He said, a hint of disappointment in his tone. Your hand reached out, clutching a handful of his shirt in between your fist, “I need you.” You admitted against your better judgment, the alcohol clouding your mind. Chris let out a shaky sigh, wanting nothing more than to kiss you, but he knew you weren’t thinking clearly, and he would never take advantage of you like that.
The material of his shirt was being scrunched up even more as your fist tightened its hold, his lower abdomen barely visible now. You could see a little line of hair growing from his belly button to down bellow the waist band of his boxers. Chris let out another ragged breath, trying to decide if he should push you off of him or not. His hands had made it to either side of your waist, his fingers carefully dancing underneath his shirt that you were wearing, tickling your skin. The smell of his cologne was radiating off of him, pulling you closer and closer to his body, your lips only inches apart. Repositioning yourself on the bed, you moved deliberately to straddle his waist, his hands never leaving the vice grip he had on your waist. A small gasp left his mouth as you sat directly onto his lap, your hips playing a dangerous game on top of him. Instinctively, you lightly rolled your hips forward, wanting to be even closer to him. His fingers dug into your skin, trying his best to hold you still as he struggled to keep control of the situation.
"Chris-" You chocked out, wishing he would give you something, anything, to give you a hint of satisfaction. He squeezed your hips, his mouth failing him as he battled his thoughts. Chris wanted this just as badly as you did, maybe even more, but he knew you weren't in the right state of mind. How could he be sure that you weren't going to regret this in the morning? This was the first time you had even spoken to each other after the break up, let alone have sex. “We shouldn’t…” He said breathlessly, not making any sudden movements to remove you from your position. Your hips moved again, grinding down on him as your body craved friction. Chris couldn’t help but let out a low groan at the feeling. Quickly, he tightened his grip on your hips before flipping you over, your back hitting the bed. A gasp of air left your body at the sudden change of position, his hands now holding your shoulders as he leaned over you. “We can’t do this.” He restated his previous statement, his hand running through his hair as he pulled away from you, pacing around the foot of the bed.
You propped yourself up on your elbows, watching his every move. You could tell he was nervous, his hands shaky as he readjusted his t-shirt. If he was anything like your friends seemed to think he was, he would’ve fucked you right then and there…. But he wasn’t that guy. He cared about you for more than just your body. The only reason he had broken things off was because he was worried he couldn’t give you everything he thought you deserved, everything you needed in life. His love for you ran deeper than anybody could fathom. “I’m sorry Chris, I didn’t mean to…” You squeaked, feeling like you had crossed the invisible line. In an instant, Chris was back by your side, pulling you into a gentle hug and soothing down your hair, “Hey, hey, it’s okay… You don’t have to apologize for anything,” He whispered softly. His arms molded to your body perfectly, confirming that he was your person just based off the fact that you fit together like a puzzle piece. “Come on, let’s get you tucked in. You need to sleep,” He spoke, pulling away from the hug and guiding you up to his pillows so he could wrap you in his sheets. Without a word, you followed his lead, getting comfortable as he pulled the covers over you.
As soon as your head hit his pillow the tiredness seemed to catch up with you. Maybe it was from the alcohol you had consumed at the party, or the fact that it was nearing almost three in the morning. Your eyes began to flutter shut, slowly opening them again and doing your best to stay awake. It felt like you were laying in a body of water as your head swayed obnoxiously. "Lay on your side," Chris instructed softly, wanting to make sure you were safe in case you got sick in the middle of the night. With a deliberate movement, you flipped from your back onto your side, praying that it would stop the spinning in your head. Chris rubbed his hand gently over your shoulder, making sure you were comfortable. "There's a water on the bedside table if you need it. I'll be on the sofa," He said softly, about to make his departure. Your ears perked up at his words, "Wait-" You said quickly. Chris froze, still looking down at you as he stood at the side of his bed. "Stay with me?" You whispered, not wanting to be subjected to his bed all alone. A soft smile tugged at his lips, your request sending butterflies through his body as he walked around the bed to get in on the other side.
He assumed his position in bed, the side he would always take when you were still together, shifting underneath the covers. He maintained a friendly distance as you drifted off to sleep, listening to your breath steady in the process. The soft sounds of your breathing eventually bringing him to his own slumber. The next morning, when the sunlight began to fill his room, you woke up tangled in his arms. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes as you tried to remember the details of last night, wondering how you had ended up in his bed. A pounding headache took over your senses as you quickly untangled yourself from his grasp, rushing to the bathroom. You kneeled in front of the toilet, trying to not be sick as your stomach churned. After about twenty minutes, you had started to feel a little better as you flushed the toilet, disposing of the evidence. With shaky knees, you pulled yourself up to the bathroom counter, looking into the mirror to see the damage.
Your hair was disheveled and the remnants of last nights makeup were running down your face. As you stood in front of the mirror, studying your appearance, you couldn't help but notice the toothbrush holder that sat on the counter just below you. A strange feeling rushed over you as you noticed the light pink toothbrush that still sat in its place, right next to his. You picked it up slowly, examining it as if it were the most precious gemstone. "I told you I kept it," Chris' voice broke through the silent bathroom, making you jump slightly. Looking into the mirror you saw Chris stood behind you in the doorway, leaning against it with his arms crossed in front of his chest, a small smile on his lips. You turned around to face him, the pink toothbrush still clutched between your fingers, "Why did you keep this?" You asked with a slight crack in your voice. He smiled a little wider, pushing off the doorframe and walking towards you, placing his hands on either side of your shoulders, "I guess I had hoped that maybe you would need it again." He confessed. It was your turn to softly smile as tears filled your eyes, his confession warming your heart. He gently cupped your face, wiping the stray tears that left your eyes before pulling you into a hug. You wrapped yourself around him, everything felt so right in this very moment.
After a few seconds, you pulled away from the hug, looking deep into his eyes before stealing a glance down at his lips. He noticed the glance immediately, leaning down and pulling you straight into him, your lips crashing together for the first time in months. It was slow and passionate, almost needy, as your lips melted into his. His hands cradled your face possessively as his tongue danced across your bottom lip, begging to deepen the kiss. A small moan left your mouth as you granted his wish, allowing him to explore further with his tongue, his taste was almost intoxicating. As the seconds went on you both started to run out of breath, reluctantly breaking the kiss with a sigh. Your foreheads rested together as you both struggled to catch your breath.
"See, now you can use the toothbrush and then we can do this all over again without the morning breath," Chris teased, pinching your ass cheek playfully. Your eyes widened as you felt a blush rush over your face, "Chris-" You gasped, playfully smacking his chest in response. He chuckled, your reaction reminding him of how much he used to love to make you flustered. He pressed a quick peck on your lips, turning back around to leave the bathroom and let you finish freshening up. You still had a headache, and the hangover was definitely going to be a pain in the ass, but somehow it all felt worth it if Chris was back by your side once more.
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ros3ybabe · 2 months
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Re-Introduction 🎀
Hello!!! With the start of the school year coming soon for me, I decided I'd reintroduce myself, as this is my main blog and I typically use it as a studyblr-type of blog because it helps keep me going towards my goals! Of course i still post about my physical health, mental health, and daily life, but when college/university is in session, my life typically revolves around school!
🎀 A Little About Me 🎀
you guys can call me Rosey 🌹
I am 21 years old, she/her
I am entering my 4th year of college/uni BUT I recently added a 2nd major so I don't graduate for another year/year and a half ish
I am majoring in Human Nutrition and Dietetics, 2nd major in Finance, and a double minor in Psychology and Exercise Science
I love learning so so so much, as you can tell
I study languages in my free time
^ Currently rotating between (Mexican) Spanish, Japanese, and Korean
I love all things health, fitness, and wellness
I love to work out! My favorite ways to work out right now are weight lifting, walking, mat pilates, and yoga! My university offers workout classes for free to full time students so I'll be taking yoga/pilates classes at my campus!
I do work a full-time, on-campus food service job. 40 hours of work a week, and 15 college credit hours this semester 😅
I love to read, write, listen to music, and want to pick up more hobbies such as sewing, dance, crochet, drawing, painting, etc
This account started out as a "wonyoungism" account and slowly turned into my own little safe space where I am free to be myself without fear of judgment. Of course my aesethic is still pink and wonyoungism ish but I do fully plan on turning this into a more studyblr type of account using my own photos once university starts back up! So stay tuned for that little transition!
I'm always open to questions and I love giving advice and helping others! Whether it's something academic related, personal goal related, whatever, I'm always here to help if I can! <3 I love this little community i have <3
I've said so much already, lol, my bad. I'm just so excited for this upcoming semester. I don't know what it is about it, but I have such a feeling this will be a good school year for me! Feel free to drop an ask, or a comment, or anything! I will be making more posts of more academic related topics soon!
til next time lovelies 🩷
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supernovafics · 1 month
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series masterlist | last part — next part
pairing: modern!college!steve harrington x fem!reader, bestfriend!eddie munson x fem!reader
word count: 3.1k words
warnings: explicit language, overall a very sweet and wholesome chapter 🫶🏾 (before things go slightly 📉 in the next one)
summary: you spend valentine’s day (well, night) with steve
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CHAPTER TEN | ❝𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖❞
Spring Semester 2016
“You should still come. I want you to.” How genuine Eddie’s words sounded almost made you want to say yes, but you didn’t. You couldn’t.  
“No, I’d rather not be a third wheel with you and Chrissy for a week,” You said, keeping your voice playful even though your words were a thousand percent serious. You shifted a bit on your bed, crossing your legs under yourself.  
“That’s not gonna happen,” He responded and that was when you looked up from the book you had in your hand and over to where Eddie was sitting at your small desk— you’d been stuck reading and rereading the same page since he showed up to your dorm room five minutes ago. 
You knew that the plans for spring break had changed long before Eddie even realized that they did. There was no way that you’d be spending the week with him in his hometown— he had Chrissy now. What did surprise you was that he still wanted you to come, which was a nice thought but a horrible idea. And you couldn’t tell him exactly why you felt that way. 
Yes, your feelings for him were buried, but that didn’t mean that you wanted to have a front-row seat to his and Chrissy’s relationship for a week— the PDA, the cute stuff, everything. You’d immediately end up as a third wheel, and you didn’t believe Eddie’s words of “that not happening.”
“It’s inevitable,” You told him, and before he could potentially protest your words, you shifted the subject just slightly. “And besides, my roommate is already gone, so I’ll get to have the room to myself this entire week and that will be nice.”
Eddie considered your words for a second.  “You sure?”
You nodded. “Very.”
He was quiet for another moment and you wondered if he was going to ask you again if you were sure or if he was going to say something else to try and convince you to come, but instead, he said, “Okay, but call any night you hate the quiet and just want to talk about nothing.” 
Hearing him say that made you smile. “Got it. Thanks.” 
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Spring Semester 2018
For the first time probably ever, it was quiet in your apartment.
Everyone had gone to some romcom movie marathon thing at the close by movie theater; it started at seven and was going until midnight. You, of course, wanted to go too, but you instead told everyone that you had something planned with Steve for the night. Since it was Valentine’s Day, you figured that it would’ve probably seemed weird if you and him didn’t have “something planned.”
Your actual plans for the night were still uncertain to you. You contemplated staying in your room or heading to the library to study so that you could just get out of the apartment for the time being. 
You were still in the middle of deciding what to do when your phone started ringing on your desk. The only name you expected to see was Steve’s, and you were right.
“Hi.”
“Hey,” He started. “Are you home right now?”
“Yeah,” You answered as you sat at the foot of your bed. “Oh, shit, is this the part where you murder me?”
Steve laughed a bit. “If the answer was yes, I wouldn’t tell you that.” 
“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind a murdering right now. I’m really bored.” 
“Great, I’ll be there in ten minutes,” He responded and then added, “Not to murder you, by the way. I just need to give you something.” 
“And by something, you mean a knife to my heart. What a great Valentine’s day present.” 
Steve laughed again. “You’re being weirder than usual.” 
There was something about how amused he sounded that made you smile. “Thanks. See you in ten.”
He was knocking on your door fifteen minutes later, and you still hadn’t come to a decision about what you wanted to do for the rest of the night. 
“Hi, your elevator really sucks.” 
You almost laughed at that since you knew exactly how shitty the elevator in the building could be. “Yeah, you got lucky when you were here for game night.”
It was then that you noticed everything in his hands; the flowers and red gift bag that you could only assume had your favorite candy in it. 
“You really didn’t have to do this,” You told him as you opened the door further so that he could come in. 
“Of course, I had to. I already told you that I like being a good fake boyfriend,” He joked, smiling at you.  
“In that case, thank you,” You said as he handed everything over to you; and you couldn’t help but take note of how nice the daisies were. “And I don’t really care about being a good fake girlfriend, but I actually did get you something too.”
You started heading toward your room and gestured for him to follow you.  
You placed the flowers and gift bag on your desk and then grabbed the small stuffed brown bear that was wearing a red bowtie and handed it over to Steve. 
“Wow, great minds,” He said, and before you could ask him what he meant, he continued. “Look in the bag.”
You nodded as you looked in the red gift bag, seeing the sour gummy worms, which you expected, and then also a stuffed bear. It was brown too but it was holding a red heart in its hands. You smiled at it and then at Steve as you pulled it out.“Thank you, but Bowie’s better.”
“Bowie?”
“The name of your bear,” You said, gesturing to what he was still holding in his hand. “Because of the bow tie. Bowie.” 
“Shouldn’t I be the one who gets to name it?” 
“No,” You said simply.
“Okay, then,” Steve nodded, an amused smile on his face. 
Things became quiet for a second, comfortably so, until he was speaking again. “I’m just realizing that it’s actually quiet here for once. Where’s everyone?” 
“They went to this romcom movie marathon thing at the movie theater,” You answered as you put the bear back in the bag and pulled out the gummy worms. “I told them that I had plans with you since it would’ve been weird if I didn’t.”
“Makes sense,” Steve nodded. “What are your actual plans for the night?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe watch a movie here or go to the library to do some work. Or maybe try to be a normal person and attempt to get a decent number of hours of sleep for once.”
“We should do something.”
Just for a second, you considered saying no to his suggestion because maybe he was just saying it to be nice and he didn’t really mean it. The equivalence of someone asking “How are you?” and always answering them with “Good,” even if that wasn’t true, because it was just easier and they probably didn’t even mean the question in the first place. 
But, you and Steve were passed that kind of thing. If he asked you how you were doing, you knew that you’d be honest with him, and you believed that that feeling was mutual. You also believed that he wouldn’t say something to you if he didn’t mean it. 
And that realization was what made you ultimately nod at his words. “Okay. What do you wanna do?”
He smiled then. “I already have an idea, but I think it should be a surprise.”
You gave him a look. “I can’t tell if I should be scared of that smile or not.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna murder you.”
“I think that’s exactly what a murderer would say,” You told him, but still changed into something that would be better for the cool mid-February weather and followed him out of your apartment and to the shitty elevators and then to his car.
The streets he drove down were familiar until they weren’t, and it became hard to tell where you two were going, but you kind of liked that; the not knowing. 
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“What makes this even more embarrassing right now is that I know that you’re trying to let me win.”
“I’m not,” Steve responded as he shot another basket and missed again. “I just haven’t played in a long time so I’m a little rusty.”
You shook your head. “You’re a bad liar.”
It was a twenty minute drive to the arcade that you and Steve ended up at. You had never heard of Mac’s, but Steve claimed that it was great, and after just the first half an hour of being there you could admit that he was right. You wondered how often he’d bring girls here; this place was a solid date idea, so you imagined that it had to be a “go-to.” But you didn’t ask that— you didn't ask why he wanted to bring you here or why it had been the first place that had come to his mind. Instead, you continued playing games with him, deciding not to wonder about anything else. 
Playing against each other in basketball was your suggestion even though you knew that you’d probably lose since only one of you was good at the actual game. But, there were eighteen seconds left and Steve was only up by two points in what was probably the lowest-scoring game of arcade basketball ever— ten points for you to his twelve. 
You gave him a playful smile. “You’re allowed to bruise my ego a bit since I demolished you twice in skee-ball.”
“You only won by a hundred points the first time and fifty points the second, so I wouldn’t necessarily call those the “greatest wins of all time.””
“Shut up, they were fantastic wins,” You responded as you watched the timers above your and his baskets go down to eight seconds. 
You shot again and missed and expected that to be it; you didn’t want to shoot more and just embarrass yourself further. But, when the timer hit five seconds, Steve almost too easily shot two of his balls into your basket, which made you two end the game tied. 
You looked at him. “I can’t believe you just gave me pity points.” 
“No, I just missed my basket really badly and accidentally made it in yours,” Steve said and you laughed as you shook your head and then grabbed the five tickets that came out of your machine and his for playing the game. 
You stuffed them into your jacket pocket along with all of the others that you and he had gotten over the past hour and then looked up at him. “Now, I’m starting to question my tiebreaker air hockey win.” 
Steve smiled at you. “No, that was real. You’re actually good at that.”
“I feel kind of offended that you said “actually good,” but thank you anyway, I guess,” You laughed again as you pulled the final two tokens out of the back pocket of your jeans. “Should we use these last ones on the rigged claw machine?”
Steve nodded. “Great idea.” 
You two had tried it earlier— it was actually the first thing that you and he did when you got to the arcade, as per Steve’s suggestion. When you went, you actually managed to grab something but it slipped out of the dumb claw at the last second, and the same thing happened to Steve. The odds now didn’t feel better at all, but you figured it was the easiest way to use the last tokens you two had.
“Are we trying for the stuffed green frog again?” Steve asked when you handed the tokens over to him and he put them in the machine, starting the sixty-second timer for the game. 
You shook your head, eyes on the random toys that were in the machine. “I think we should play it safe and do that red ball in the middle. It’ll probably be easier to get.” 
“Okay,” He said, and started moving the claw and then lowered it in what looked like the right spot, but the hand couldn't get a good grip on the ball so it immediately slipped out of its loose grasp.
You sighed. “So rigged. And a very sad way to end our arcade run. But, at least, we’ll be able to get something good with our tickets.”
Steve shook his head. “The only bad part about this place is that the prizes are kinda shitty.” 
“So we won’t be able to get something equivalent to the green frog?”
“Probably not,” He answered and you sighed overdramatically again. “And we should stay away from the candy too. I’m pretty sure it’s been sitting behind the counter since this place opened.” 
You two headed over to the lackluster “prize counter” and ended up with two palm tree keychains because that was somehow the only thing that your and Steve’s collective ninety-eight tickets could get. 
“You wanna go to the pizza place down the street?” He asked as you two stepped out of the arcade and onto the sidewalk. He gestured his head in the direction of the pizza place and you noticed the red and white checkered awning and glowing sign at the end of the block. “They’re pretty good.” 
“Okay,” You nodded, stuffing your hands in the pockets of your jacket when a gust of wind hit you both. “But, I’m buying since you got everything here.” 
“I can’t let that happen,” Steve responded, but you simply shook your head at him.
“Stop being so chivalrous and let me do something nice for you for once.”  
He laughed at how serious you sounded. “Okay, fine.”
You two kept walking, and then you were thinking of something and saying it before you could really consider your words. “It honestly sucks that you don’t want anything serious with anyone because you really would be a good boyfriend.” You weren’t sure why you were telling him that right then, but it was the truth. You looked over at him for a quick second. “Y’know, you never explained why you don’t do relationships.”
You remembered that during the night of the power outage, you were going to ask him pretty much that exact thing. When he mentioned his camp girlfriend and their three-week-long relationship, you wanted to know what happened to him wanting things like that— crushes, relationships, actual feelings for someone— but you felt like you couldn’t ask that then. However, for some reason, in this moment, bringing up that subject didn’t feel like it would be too much anymore— it no longer felt too deep or too real. It surprisingly felt normal. 
Maybe that said a lot about this friendship you two had developed— which still hadn’t been outwardly stated was an actual friendship, but it so obviously felt like one.  
“I don’t know,” You noticed him shrug. “I just don’t want to, I guess.”
“Did you get your heart broken and still haven’t fully recovered from it?”
Steve got quiet then instead of laughing at your joking question, which made you realize that you were actually right. 
“Wait, shit, really?” You stopped walking for a second and looked at him. He gave you a quick nod and you immediately felt terrible. “Fuck, I’m sorry.” 
“Don’t be. It was years ago at this point— it happened Senior year of high school— and it also doesn’t really matter,” Steve shrugged. “And I am over it, actually, I just don’t want something like that to happen again, so…” He shrugged for a third time, which didn’t do much to convince you that it “didn’t really matter.”
“I guess that makes sense, but that’s kinda sad, I think?” You two had started walking again and you took the briefest look over at him as you spoke. “Letting one person change the way you feel about love and relationships and stuff. That sucks.” 
“When you put it in simple terms like that it does sound sad, but I don’t know, I don’t really feel that way,” Steve said, and his words surprisingly sounded honest. “And I won’t be against it forever— you already know that my parents would kill me. But for right now, it’s just easier. A lot easier.” 
You found yourself agreeing with him. Your life would probably be a thousand times easier if you viewed things like he did. 
“Okay, yeah, I get that,” You ultimately nodded. You two made it to the pizza place and he opened the door for you and you smiled at him in thanks. “It still doesn’t change the fact that some lucky girl out there is sadly missing out on the Steve Harrington boyfriend experience, though.” 
“Eddie’s missing out too,” He said and then playfully smiled at you. “Even though I know you’ll never get me curtains, you’re still a good fake girlfriend.”
You laughed as you both stepped into place behind the other people in line. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to tell you. I finally think that this whole fake dating thing will actually end up working.”
“You didn’t think it was gonna work before?”
“I mean, before I thought maybe it could, but now I feel more sure about it,” You answered, and it kind of surprised you how okay it felt saying those words and admitting that to Steve. 
There was still the smallest part of you that felt like maybe you were wrong about this— like you’d been with other things regarding you and Eddie a bunch of times before. However, it was also easier to shut that side of your mind down and go with the side of you that both wanted this to happen and felt like it genuinely could. 
And you knew that all of this had to do with Steve. You didn’t think you’d feel this certain about things if it wasn’t for him. He was that someone to tell you that the situation wasn’t helpless and you weren’t overthinking things, and you believed him.
“You’re right,” You told him when you two were sitting in one of the booths, but you were referring to the slice of pizza in your hand. “This is really good.” 
“Told you,” Steve said and then smiled. “And if we ever come back here, I’m buying.” 
You playfully rolled your eyes at him. “I guess I’ll allow that.”
“Good,” He responded, and then it was quiet for a moment until it seemed as if he realized something. “Oh, and it’s Hartford, by the way.”
“What?”
“The name of the bear I got for you,” Steve explained. “Since you named the one you got for me, I get to name the one I got you.” 
“Okay. Hartford,” You nodded and gave him a small smile. “I like that.”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
next part!
taglist (lmk if you want to be added or taken off<333); @eddiernunson , @loulouloueh , @the-aster , @blckburd , @totally-bogus-timelady , @yujyujj , @irhdifartzamfyaa , @mochminnie , @munsonssweets , @blckbrrybasket , @xprloki , @definitionwanderlust , @dwcode , @sun-fiower-seed , @keerysfolklore , @damon-loves-pie , @lodeddiperrodrick , @bisexual-and-intellectual , @munsonburn3r , @negomi123 , @khena , @facexthexsunshine
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fairlyang · 8 months
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Let you break my heart again 🕷️
you are in love with your best friend
w/c: 999
pairing: miguel o’hara x reader
tags: kinda angst? you’re so in love, he doesn’t feel the same, heartbreak, shitting n crying, slightly delusional
notes: the grip this song has had on me the past two weeks- this idea came to me last week I just HAD TO-
part two
You had been feeling down the entire day since you saw Miguel post the new girl he had been talking to and calling her his girlfriend with today’s date on the caption.
Him calling you a couple hours after asking if you wanted to go to a party with him only added salt to the wound.
You have been hopelessly and desperately in love with him since your freshmen year of high school.
8 years.
8 years of silence.
8 years of torture.
No one even looked his way in high school because he, alongside you, were known as the science nerds of the school. You obviously didn’t care, if anything it made falling for him that much predictable.
At least for anyone with eyes and good at deciphering body language.
Which Miguel wasn’t.
Somehow he never realized and you never had the balls to confess your love to him.
After graduating high school he had quite possibly the biggest glow up (unbeknownst to you he had turned into spider-man) and first semester of uni changed everything for him.
He had girls eating out of the palm of his hand and practically falling to their knees for him as if they hadn’t been using him to do their homework just a few months back.
Miguel didn’t seem to care or see through all the girl’s intentions.
Meanwhile you had liked him when he would wear nerdy little crewnecks and those thick glasses that had now been long abandoned.
You liked him when he was getting brutally bullied and were the only one to ever stick up for him, but it never going well for either of you.
You liked him when he was going through a hard time with his mom and relied on you heavily for nearly everything.
You liked him when the revelation of who his father was, tore him up to literal pieces.
He was always in your head. Whether it be daydream, hearing someone talk about him, or actually dreaming about him at night.
Only in your mind can you pretend that you’re his girlfriend. That he likes you.
That you’re his first and only choice.
That you’re the only one he wants.
That he’s just as in love with you as you are with him.
He had taken over all your thoughts possible and it never got any easier.
You thought you’d get over it after sophomore year but it only grew as he ended up being your only friend throughout high school.
Nothing was more heartbreaking than having to hear him talk about all the girls he would go out with, or fuck.
The worst was when you’d actually go to parties with him. You’d end up almost throwing up or crying in the bathroom after seeing yet another new girl grinding herself against him or a girl making out with him.
It never ended up being less heartbreaking. You had luckily made a few friends who tried their best to help.
Peter B and MJ.
Somehow you befriended them your first year of uni and all four of you became a little group. They were your occasional saviors when you’d find yourself sulking over Miguel being with another girl.
They’d always try to distract you and cheer you up.
Or if they were the ones to spot Miguel fooling around they’d turn you to the opposite direction to avoid your heart from crumbling again.
You felt as if you were being entrapped.
It was almost as if Miguel subconsciously knew what he was doing.
Because when he grew bored of a girl all of a sudden his attention would be fully on you.
Buying you food, getting you cute little plants, helping you study.
It was an endless cycle of pain and heartbreak then yearning and being enamored by him.
Right now was pure heartbreak and misery.
You had been crying for hours on end now and just let your sad playlist loop.
All you were wishing for now is that one day you’d stop falling in love with him.
That somehow your feelings for him would wash away and you’ll never have to deal with this heartbreak ever again.
But it’s been long now. These feelings weren’t going to disappear.
And he wasn’t going to magically fall in love with you.
Especially because he’s always been the one to let anyone and everyone know that you were only his best friend. And nothing more.
But the way he’d wrap his arms around you, leave kisses on your forehead and cheeks just boggled your head.
The way he would just stare at you when you were rambling about the newest science news you’d heard about.
The way he would hug you tightly at the most random times imaginable.
The way he’d willingly put his jacket on you if it were too chilly outside.
The way he would get so overprotective when a guy asks you out.
So you were always questioning what he really thought of you.
He never made it easy to decipher any of his feelings unless he was telling you up front, which he almost never did.
As more hot tears fell down your face, you could only pray that someone will like you like you like him.
It felt like such an impossible ask.
You loved him so much and you could practically feel pieces of your heart breaking. Why couldn’t he just reciprocate your love?
Why did you have to torture yourself like this?
Why is the only time you’re truly happy (besides when you’re with him) is when you’re dreaming about actually being with him?
Why is it so hard for him to romantically love you?
Why does it always have to be platonic?
Maybe one day you’ll be able to get over him and these feelings won’t be as strong.
Maybe one day you’ll find someone that’ll know how to take care of your heart and return your love.
Maybe one day it’ll be him.
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Mi Historia Entre Tus Dedos
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AU Athlete!Cassian x Fem!Art History Reader
a/n: not proof read, not sure if the quote at the end is historically accurate, and English isn’t my first language. If you see any typos, you didn't 😌
based off this drabble by @yiiyiiwrites!
Cassian’s chest ached. He hadn’t expected this—hadn’t expected you. Yet here you were, sitting across from him in the quiet corner of the library, flipping through a heavy art history book with the utmost focus. The soft glow of the lamp cast a halo around your head, and for a moment, Cassian couldn’t breathe. How did this happen? How had he ended up falling for someone who had once looked at him like he was little more than a brute?
His thoughts drifted to that first meeting, back when the professor had paired you together for the Art Nouveau project, while he mindlessly flipped through his Alphonse Mucha book.
He had sat at the back of the lecture hall, his large frame crammed into the small seat as he lazily twirled a pen between his fingers. History was a subject that ignited something within him, a passion that few knew about. To everyone else, he was the university’s rugby star. The flirt. The Cass-You’re-Incorrigible musclehead with a penchant for tackles and scrums. They all assumed that his scholarship was a reward for his athletic prowess, but in reality, it was his brain that had earned him a place here. His love for history, spanning across three different eras, had driven him to maintain the grades necessary to secure a scholarship that had nothing to do with rugby.
But that was something he kept to himself. The only people who knew were Rhys and Azriel, his best friends, and once rivals. They had all met through rugby, their competitive spirits clashing on the field in high school. Rhys, the rich boy who always threw the best parties, had a knack for getting under Cassian’s skin with his effortless charm and privilege. Azriel, on the other hand, was a mystery, always competitive in the field, though reserved in his own way, spending hours buried in the shadows of the library, studying something Cassian could never quite figure out. Over time, their rivalry had blossomed into a deep friendship, one that had seen them through the highs and lows of university life.
That day, Cassian was restless. The Uni’s Scheduling Office had merged his advanced history class with an art history course due to low enrollment numbers. Art history wasn’t something that had ever piqued his interest, but he needed the credits, and the prospect of working with new people wasn’t entirely unappealing.
As the lecture hall filled, Cassian’s gaze drifted toward the front where the professor was setting up, and then he saw her. You. You walked in with an air of quiet confidence, your gaze fixed ahead, ignoring the whispers that seemed to follow you wherever you went. He’d heard about you, of course, everyone had. You were the girl who came from old money, the one whose life had taken a nosedive after your father’s bitcoin scandalous fall from grace. The same girl who, despite everything, managed to carry herself with a poise that was enviable.
He also knew that you weren’t particularly fond of him. The looks you shot his way whenever you crossed paths on campus made that abundantly clear. To you, Cassian was just another bruiser, a brawler with little substance. He’d seen the way your nose wrinkled slightly at the sight of his latest black eye, a souvenir from last week’s match. And he’d heard about your on-again, off-again rich boyfriend who attended Autumn Uni. He didn’t like Eris Vanserra, not that it mattered, Cassian wasn’t exactly in your orbit.
Except now, he was.
Professor Enalius began pairing students for the semester-long project, and Cassian felt a sinking lead ball in his stomach when he heard his name called out alongside yours. You stiffened slightly, glancing back at him with an expression that wasn’t hard to read—displeasure, annoyance, maybe even a hint of dread. He suppressed a sigh, knowing this was going to be a long semester.
You both sat in silence at first, the awkwardness palpable as the rest of the class buzzed with chatter. Finally, you broke the silence, your voice as cool and detached as your expression.
“Well, it looks like we're stuck together," you stated, your lack of enthusiasm evident, though you struggled to not stare at the hot, famed fuck boy, rugby player sitting just a few inches away from you. God, he’s cute. And what is he wearing? His scent was so intoxicat—
“Fine by me,” Cassian shrugged, leaning back in his chair, his toned arms crossed behind his head, “let’s meet at the library after your shift tonight, Az will be there. We can go over the basics of the project.”
You hesitated, mostly surprised that he even knew about your job at the museum. Azriel had mentioned it in passing, and Cassian had pieced together that you were friends, though it still baffled him how Azriel, of all people, had gotten so close to you.
“Alright,” you finally agreed, though you still looked as though you’d rather be anywhere else. “See you then.”
The rest of the academic day passed in a blur, and Cassian found himself walking toward the library with a sense of resignation. He didn’t have anything against you personally, but your assumptions about him, and the way you dismissed him rubbed him the wrong way. He wasn’t looking forward to spending the next few months working with someone who clearly thought so little of him.
The library was quiet when he arrived, the usual bustle of students dwindling as the evening wore on. He spotted Azriel in the far left corner, hunched over his laptop with an intensity that made Cassian wonder which coding language was now giving him a hard time. Az looked up as he approached, giving him a nod.
“Ready for you night shift?” Cassian asked, dropping into the chair across from him.
Azriel smirked slightly. “As ready as I’ll ever be. You? Looking forward to working with her?”
Cassian grimaced. “Not particularly. She thinks I’m some kind of thug.”
Azriel’s expression softened, a rare occurrence for the brooding figure. “Give her a chance, she’s been through a lot. She’s not as bad as she seems.”
Before Cassian could respond, the door to the library opened with a creak, and you walked in, your gaze immediately finding him. You still looked as composed as ever, though there was a weariness in your eyes that hadn’t been there before.
“Starting the party without me?” you asked, the question directed to Azriel but keeping your voice low as you approached the table.
Cassian noticed your attempt to ignore him, and mirrored your disdain with a shrug, hiding the sting behind his usual bravado, though he gestured for you to sit, attempting a friendly start. “Just prepping for the night.”
Azriel gave you a warm hug from his chair, one that reminded you why you cherished so much his friendship.
“If it isn’t my two favorite people in this world, who would’ve thought?” a greeting laced with a hint of sarcasm that made both you and Cassian roll your eyes.
Az left after a few minutes of small talk, and awkwardly enough for you both, the next hour was spent in strained conversation, though you both managed to stay civil. As the minutes ticked by, Cassian found himself getting more frustrated with the walls you kept up, the distance you insisted on maintaining between the two of you. It wasn't until you both started discussing the political impact of the Arts and Crafts movement that the energy slightly shifted.
You were passionate about art history, that much was clear. As you talked about Emile Galle, Muller Freres and Delphin Massier, your eyes lit up with a spark that caught Cassian off guard. He hadn’t seen you like this before, so animated, so… alive. It was a stark contrast to the icy demeanor you usually presented.
“That’s why I think this period is so fascinating,” you concluded, your gaze dropping back to your notes, cheeks blushed with embarrassment as you were suddenly aware that you’d let your guard down. “There’s so much depth to French Art, so much history embedded in each piece.”
Cassian found himself nodding, his earlier frustrations forgotten. “Well, I’ll be damned. You’ve managed to change my perspective on art history. It’s… different from what I’m used to, but it’s interesting.”
You looked up, surprised. “You really think so?”
“Yeah,” he said, actually meaning it. “I’m more into military history, battles, and strategy, but there’s a lot of overlap with what you’re talking about. Art from that time often reflects what was happening in the world, right? Politics, war, society.”
You stared at him, as if you just noticed him.
Who knew the gym rat you’d dismissed as a royal jacked-up-pain-in-the-ass was gone, and replaced by someone with a genuine interest in what you were saying? It was disarming, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to respond.
“I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way,” you admitted, your voice softer than before.
Cassian gave you a generous grin, one that you found yourself returning.
“Alright,” he straightened up, his palms tapping his knees, “let’s split the main topics, that way we can cover more ground together.”
And before you realized the night just slipped away, as the conversation flowed much better than before. By the time you both packed up to leave, there was a tentative truce between you, palpable as you walked out into the now deserted parking lot, when you glanced at him, your rushed judgments beginning to shift.
“See you tomorrow, Y/N,” Cassian said as he waved you goodnight.
You shuddered at the sound of your name on his lips and nodded, suddenly unsure of what to say. “Yeah… see you.”
Cassian watched as you walked away, a smirk crossed his face.
Maybe this project wouldn’t be so bad after all.
♦♦♦♦♦♦
As the days turned into weeks, your interactions with Cassian became more frequent and less tense. You learned that he wasn’t the guy you had initially thought. Yes, he was tough and took his athletic career seriously, but he also had a sharp mind, especially when it came to his war lectures. He had an impressive depth of knowledge, and you’d surprised yourself drawn into conversations with him that ranged from the intricacies of ancient military strategies to the symbolism in Renaissance art.
Cassian, in turn, discovered that there was more to you than the cold exterior you presented to the world. You were kind, intelligent, and passionate about your studies, despite the hardships you had endured. Your friendship with Azriel made more sense now—he was the only one who had seen through your walls, just as he had seen through Cassian’s.
One evening, as you were both leaving the library to grab a post late-night study sesh cup of coffee, you had mindlessly shared a bit about your past, something you rarely did.
“It wasn’t easy, y’know,” you said quietly, your gaze fixed on the path ahead, tree leaves softly murmuring as the fall wind blew strands of your loosely tied hair. “Growing up, surrounded by whom you thought were your friends, and then losing them after having it all taken away. People look at me and think I’m still that spoiled rich girl, but I’m not,” you chuckled, just realizing how much you’ve changed since your father’s fiasco. “Not anymore, at least.”
Cassian listened, his usual teasing tone absent as he replied, “I get it. People think they know me too. They see the scrumhalf, the rowdy guy, and they make their assumptions. But that’s not all there is.”
You stopped walking at the sadness of his voice, turning to look him in the eyes, to see the caring man beneath the tough exterior, acknowledging the words that mirrored your own struggles.
“I uh, was wrong about you,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper as you shyly looked down at your neatly tied Adidas. “I’m sorry, Cass.”
He smiled, a genuine one that reached his hazel eyes. “And I was wrong about you. Shocking, huh?” he winked at you, “we’re not so different after all.”
“I still don’t get your rugby plays, though.” Your lips pursed, a smile barely tugging at them.
From that moment on, your relationship with Cassian changed. The ice between you had begun to melt, slowly at first, in the dim light of late-night study sessions that often ended in Clotho, the librarian, threatening to kick you out for laughing too loud; and a true friendship formed. You started looking forward to your study sessions, the banter between you becoming more and more playful, as you also started talking, really talking. Not just about the project, but about life, your plans for the future after college, passions and fears. Each conversation chipped away at the boundaries between you until Cassian also found himself craving your company, the sound of your voice, the way your eyes lit up when you spoke about the difference between art movements.
To you, he was no longer just the popular star with the bruises and black eyes—he was someone you could trust, a friend who understood what it was like to be judged unfairly.
And maybe, just maybe, something more.
In the blink of an eye, the semester drew to a close. You knew you weren’t ready to give up the little innocent excuses you both had been making to spend more time together: black coffee–no sugar–and iced salted caramel macchiato after studying together for hours, meeting at the museum for in-depth analyses of Art Nouveau, and even hanging out before his games, which often led to you staying to support him, cheering from the sidelines.
Tonight, you sat together in the library, finishing the last of your project, glancing at Cassian, who was focused on his notes. There was a comfortable silence between you that felt just right, like you belonged. Not to the high society world you had left behind, but to this one, where you were valued for who you were instead of what you had.
He looked up, catching your eye, and smiled back.
You felt it then—something had shifted between the two of you.
And then there were the touches—oh, those fleeting touches. The brush of your hand against his when you passed him a book, the accidental bump of your shoulder against his as you walked side by side. Every graze set his skin on fire, leaving you both aching for more, but too afraid to reach out and take it.
It was driving him mad.
One evening, after a particularly exhausting day on campus, Cassian offered to walk you to your car—a kind gesture you had grown accustomed to and were very much grateful for. The night air was crisp, and your breath puffed out in little clouds as you talked about a new exhibition at the museum.
“I could get us tickets,” you offered, glancing up at him with a shy smile. “If you’re interested in seeing it.”
Cassian’s heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
The two of you fell into your usual comfortable silence, the only sound was the crunch of gravel beneath your feet and the car keys dangling from your fingers. Cassian’s mind raced, trying to think of something to say, something that would keep you by his side just a little longer.
You broke the silence after a while, only because you missed the sound of his raspy voice.
“I still think it’s pretty funny,” he looked at you like whatever you were saying was the only thing that mattered, “when Mr. E said we’d be working together, I never would have thought we’d actually get along.”
Cassian chuckled, his voice tinged with something softer, giving you butterflies. “Yeah, you weren’t exactly thrilled to be stuck with me.”
You mocked an exaggerated shock, putting one hand on your chest, your shoulders hunching slightly as you playfully bumped his arm.
“Listen, smartass, I already apologized! I just… I sometimes regret being too harsh with you before I got to know you.”
The sincerity in your voice made Cassian’s chest tighten. He wanted to tell you that it was okay, that he didn’t blame you. But words somehow failed him. Instead, he reached out, his hand hovering just inches from yours. He wanted to take your hand, to feel your warmth, but he hesitated, unsure if you’d pull away.
You looked down at his hand, your breath catching in your throat. And for split second you just stood there, your attention narrowed down to that small space between your fingers and his. Then, slowly, you closed the gap, your fingers brushing against his. The touch was so light, so tentative, that it sent a jolt of electricity through Cassian’s entire body.
He laced his fingers through yours, his grip firm but gentle, and the world seemed to stop. He looked down at you and saw the same longing reflected back at him.
“Cassian,” you whispered, your voice trembling with something he couldn’t quite name.
“Yeah?” the word came out rough, almost ragged.
“I… I like spending time with you,” you admitted, your eyes searching his. Cassian watched as you bit your lip, a nervous habit he had come to recognize, and he had to resist the urge to lean down and kiss you. Instead, he squeezed your hand, trying to convey all the things he couldn’t say out loud.
“I like it too, smartass.”
His eyes lowered briefly to your lips, you noticed, as you stood there for yet another stolen moment, hands still intertwined in the chill of the night, until you finally pulled away, breaking the spell.
Cassian immediately missed the warmth of your touch, that connection that seemed to tie you together so effortlessly.
“Goodnight, Cass,” you said, your voice a little stronger now, though still tinged with something vulnerable.
“Goodnight,” he replied, watching as you got into your car and drove away.
The ache in his chest intensified, knowing that he’d spend the rest of the night replaying this moment in his mind, wishing he’d had the courage to do more.
♦♦♦♦♦♦
The following weeks were torture. Each time Cassian saw you, his heart stumped painfully in his chest. He couldn’t stop thinking about you—your smile, your laugh, the way you looked at him when you thought he wasn’t paying attention. And it seemed like every time he caught you staring, he saw that conflict in your eyes, the same struggle that he felt.
The feeling became almost unbearable, but neither of you seemed willing to take that final step. You’d linger in each other’s presence, always just close enough to touch, but never quite closing the distance. It was a dance of celestial bodies, the way you always gravitated around each other: one that left Cassian breathless and aching, but also terrified. What if he was reading it wrong? What if you didn’t feel the same way, you were just being friendly?
But then, there were the moments that made him hope. Like the time you had absentmindedly reached out to brush a lock of hair from his forehead, your fingers lingering just a little too long. Or the time you had laughed for hours at his endless teasing towards Azriel, the sound so pure and genuine that it had sent warmth flooding through him.
It wasn’t until the eve of the project presentation that betraying words came out of your mouth like water breaking down a dam, before you could even stop them.
“I don’t want this to end,” you said all the sudden, your voice cutting through the silence.
Cassian stopped, turning to look at you. “What?”
“This,” you said, gesturing between the two of you. “Us. I know the project’s almost done, and I’m just… I don’t want it to end.”
Cassian’s heart pounded in his chest. He took a step closer, closing the distance between you. He would not make the same mistake twice.
“It doesn’t have to.”
You looked up at him, your eyes shone with a feeling he had been too afraid to hope for.
“Cassian, I—” You hesitated, biting your lip again, and he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Just say it,” he urged, his voice low and desperate. “Please, just say it.”
“I’m falling for you,” you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “And it scares me, because I don’t want to lose our friendship. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Y/N…” Cassian’s breath caught in his throat. The relief that flooded through him was so intense that he thought he might collapse under the weight of it. “You don’t know how long I’ve hoped to hear those words coming from you.
He reached out, cupping your face in his hands, and you stared at each other as the world narrowed down to just the two of you. Then, slowly, he leaned in, giving you every opportunity to pull away.
But you didn’t. Instead, you closed the distance, your lips brushing against his in a kiss that was as soft as it was desperate. It was everything he had dreamed of and more, the taste of you, the feel of you against him. It was a release, a culmination of all the longing that had been building up between you for weeks.
When you finally pulled away, your forehead resting against his, both of you breathless, the tension between you had melted away, replaced by something warmer—an almost tangible sensation, enveloped in his snow-chilled wind scent.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it,” you whispered, your hands still clutching his lightly disheveled flannel shirt.
Cassian shook his head, dismissing your apology, a small smile playing on his lips. “Worth the wait.”
You laughed, the sound filling the quiet night air, and Cassian’s heart swelled with a warmth he hadn’t known he was capable of feeling.
From that night on, the two of you spent every moment you could together, and each time you had to part, it was with a promise of when you’d see each other again. One evening, you gave him a playful, curious look as you lay in his arms, delaying his departure for the night with your distracting fingers tracing patterns on his tattooed chest.
“Do you ever think about how different things would have been if we hadn’t been paired together?”
Cassian tightened his hold on you, one hand softly brushing your hair as you rested your head back against his chest, “I’m not sure… but I know this for certain,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his eyes fixed on you, full of devotion, “when I’m away from you, the world is a desert in which I am all alone, without even the solace of expressing my feelings.”
You chuckled at the reply, suddenly getting up again to look him in the hazel-brown eyes that made your stomach flutter with affection.
“Did you just quote Napoleon?”
He grinned as he pinched your nose, making you giggle like a schoolgirl.
“Can’t blame the guy, he knows a thing or two.”
♦♦♦♦♦♦
thank u @yiiyiiwrites for the wonderful idea, I hope you like it too 🥺
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callmedaleelah · 27 days
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— Pinnacle [ tsukishima kei university au series ]
— said “i’m fine” but it wasn’t the truth ; when people said when we’re mad and frustrated we can just break stuff, punch walls, smash chairs, or destroy whatever. but why do we always end up just staying quiet and decided destroying our mental health instead?
author’s notes : no mention of (y/n), written in second person pov, semi alternative universe, timeskip!tsukishima, college life, not proofread, english is not my first language
[ masterlist ] | [ ask daleelah go to box box 🐭 ]
Winter classes were supposed to be a chance to get ahead, but instead, they felt like a relentless race you were barely managing to keep up with. The class wasn’t crowded, maybe a dozen students, but each one of them seemed like a walking encyclopedia, filled with confidence and an unwavering hunger for knowledge. They’d arrive at class an hour early, occupying the front rows with books spread out in front of them, and their hands perpetually raised, ready to challenge or add to whatever the professor was saying. It made you feel small, like you hadn’t studied enough, like you didn’t belong.
Each night, you’d prepare as much as you could for the next day’s lecture, even though your heart wasn’t entirely in it. Your mind wandered constantly—flitting between how much you just wanted to curl up in your dorm bed with a warm blanket, and how the pressure to perform was slowly grinding you down. Your mom’s incessant texts about what you should eat, reminding you to take your vitamins and ginseng tonic, felt like a constant pressure to maintain an unrealistic level of perfection.
You tried to get some rest, but your brain wouldn’t turn off. Sleep was the only escape, and yet, even when you did sleep, it wasn’t restful. Every time you stirred, you’d hear the familiar blare of your alarm reminding you to take another supplement, or the ping of your phone with another message from your mom telling you that your meal delivery was arriving soon. It all became so routine that you found yourself on autopilot—studying, sleeping, eating whatever your mom sent, and wondering if it was all worth it.
Sometimes, the thought of skipping class altogether seemed tempting. Why couldn’t you just enjoy your break like other students? The thought of cozying up in your room, watching movies, and getting some real rest before the next semester felt like a distant dream. But deep down, you knew you couldn’t let yourself fall behind. Not with the way things were going.
It was during one of these dreary cycles—struggling through the monotony of your winter class—that you ran into Yamaguchi. He had just returned from a winter volleyball camp in Okinawa, looking worn out but content, with a large backpack slung over his shoulder as he entered the dormitory. You had just received another food delivery from your mom and were balancing the boxes awkwardly in your arms when you saw him.
“Back from camp?” you asked, trying to sound casual even though you felt a wave of envy wash over you. He had been training in the sun, while you had been holed up in your dorm, trapped between study sessions and forced naps.
Yamaguchi flashed you a tired smile, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, just got back. Okinawa was nice, but the camp was brutal.”
“I bet,” you replied. “Must be exhausting.”
“It is,” he agreed. “But, hey, there’s a game coming up this weekend. A lot of students will be there—it’s kind of a big deal. You should come. You could use a break.”
You hesitated, balancing the food boxes in your arms. You weren’t sure you could afford to take a break, but the idea of escaping the monotony—even just for an afternoon—was enticing.
“Yeah, maybe I will,” you said. “I could use a distraction.”
Yamaguchi grinned. “Great! You won’t regret it.” and then he disappeared heading to his own room.
You find yourself sitting in your room, staring at the clock as it ticks toward the start of your winter class. Normally, you would have packed up your things by now, grabbing your notebook and meticulously prepared materials, ready to attend. But today, the heavy feeling in your chest has been particularly suffocating. Your classmates—so driven, so sure of themselves—are already filing into the classroom, likely throwing questions at the professor before the lecture even begins. Meanwhile, you sit paralyzed with dread, the thought of being surrounded by such ambition making you want to curl up under your blankets and disappear.
Lately, you’ve been thinking about skipping class more often than you care to admit. The demands of the course have been relentless. It’s winter break, and yet here you are, working yourself into exhaustion while others seem to thrive in the chaos. Your mind drifts to how good it would feel to stay in bed, tucked into the warmth of your comforter, resting and doing nothing. It’s hard not to resent how your days are filled with either studying or sleeping, with alarms going off to remind you to take your vitamins or respond to your mom’s texts about food deliveries she insists on managing.
But then, Yamaguchi’s invitation to his game pops back into your mind. Skipping class seemed like an impossible risk. But the more you thought about it, the more you realized how desperately you needed a break from the monotony.
Now, you stand at a crossroads: attend another draining class or take a chance and watch the game. You swallow hard, your nerves bubbling up as you reach for your phone. Quickly, you tap into your settings and turn off your location. Your mom would kill you if she found out you were ditching class.
You can already imagine her voice, stern and disappointed, demanding to know why you weren’t where you were supposed to be. The thought sends a jolt of panic through you, but the excitement of going to Yamaguchi’s game is just strong enough to overpower it. You toss your phone into your bag, slip on your coat, and head out the door before you can second-guess yourself.
When you arrive at the gymnasium, the noise hits you first—a vibrant, buzzing energy that feels almost overwhelming after the quiet of your dorm room. You pull your jacket tighter around yourself, heart racing as you navigate through the crowd of students. Everyone seems to be moving in the same direction, excited and chattering about the game ahead.
Your phone vibrates in your pocket. It’s Yamaguchi. He’s texted you the seat location: front-row, right near the stands where the volleyball team would be sitting.
That realization makes your stomach flip. You had thought you’d be watching from a distance, blending in with the rest of the crowd, but now…you’d be sitting right where they could see you. And more importantly, where Tsukishima could see you.
The thought of being so close to him, to them, makes you nervous all over again. What if they think you’re a total fraud for skipping class just to be here? What if your classmates see you and realize you’ve abandoned your studies for a game? And worst of all—what if your mom somehow finds out?
You push those worries aside and head toward the front of the gym. You can feel the heat of the stadium lights on your face as you scan for the empty seat Yamaguchi had promised. Your stomach twists when you see it—a perfect spot, right next to where the players are already gathering.
You take a deep breath and sit down, trying to calm your racing heart. Yamaguchi waves at you from the court, his usual friendly smile plastered across his face. You wave back awkwardly, feeling a little out of place but also secretly excited. You can’t remember the last time you did something spontaneous like this, and as the game is about to start, you can feel the excitement building in the air around you. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
The gym grows louder, students chanting and clapping, their energy infectious. As the game progresses, you find yourself fully immersed in it. The players move across the court with a fluidity and grace that you can’t help but admire, and every time Yamaguchi’s name is called, you cheer louder than you expected.
But every time your eyes wander across the court, they keep finding him—Tsukishima. You don’t even mean to look at him, but it feels impossible not to. He’s just there, always in the corner of your vision, his sharp focus making him seem untouchable. His tall figure commands attention, the way he’s so utterly concentrated on the game almost mesmerizing.
At one point, during a timeout, you catch him glancing toward the stands—toward you. For a split second, your eyes meet, and your heart skips a beat. It’s so brief, you’re not sure if it even really happened. Maybe you’re just imagining things, but the feeling stays with you.
You try to shake it off and return your focus to the game, but it’s hard to keep your eyes from drifting back to him. You find yourself watching his movements, the way he adjusts his glasses with a flick of his hand, the focused way his brows knit together when he’s strategizing. There’s something magnetic about him—something that makes your heart flutter despite your attempts to stay calm.
Then, when the game is heating up, he calls out to his teammates, his voice firm and commanding. It sends a shiver down your spine, and you realize you’ve been holding your breath. You quickly exhale, shaking your head at yourself. It’s just Tsukishima. You’ve been around him before, so why is he making you so nervous now?
As the game continues, your eyes keep darting to him—almost unconsciously—as if you’re searching for some sort of acknowledgment. And when his team makes a crucial block, you can’t help but cheer for him too. You clap along with the crowd, but the butterflies in your stomach are there for an entirely different reason.
As the game nears its end and the score tightens, the tension in the gym grows. You grip the edge of your seat, your focus divided between the game and Tsukishima, who’s still laser-focused on the court. Every now and then, he glances at the stands again, and though he never lets his gaze linger on you for long, each fleeting look sends your heart racing.
And then, in one final, climactic play, the ball soars over the net, and Tsukishima jumps—higher than you’ve ever seen him—his hand slamming down in perfect sync with his team’s attack. The gym explodes in cheers as the point is won, sealing the victory. You’re on your feet, clapping and cheering along with everyone else, but all you can think about is how incredible he looked in that moment—so strong, so confident. Your pulse is pounding, and you can’t tell if it’s from the excitement of the game or something else entirely.
When the match ends and the crowd begins to disperse, you feel a mix of relief and lingering anticipation. You made it through the game without being caught, and for the first time in a while, you let yourself have fun without worrying about school or your mom’s expectations.
As you start to gather your things, you feel a presence next to you. You glance up and there he is—Tsukishima. He’s standing close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off him, his tall frame casting a slight shadow over you.
“Hey,” he says, his voice low and calm, but there’s a subtle edge to it that makes your heart jump again.
“Hey,” you reply, trying to keep your voice steady.
His gaze flickers toward the crowd, and then back to you. “You’re still here,” he says, as if he hadn’t expected you to stay until the end.
“Of course,” you say, feeling a little flustered. “Yamaguchi invited me.”
Tsukishima nods, his expression unreadable as always. “You didn’t have class?”
Your stomach twists, the lie you’ve been trying to avoid suddenly hanging between you. “Uh… no. I mean, yes. But I skipped it,” you admit, feeling your cheeks burn with embarrassment.
He raises an eyebrow, a hint of something like amusement crossing his features. “You skipped class to watch volleyball?”
“Yamaguchi invited me,” you repeat defensively, but even you can hear how weak the excuse sounds.
Tsukishima huffs out a small laugh, shaking his head. “You’re unbelievable.”
You feel your face heat up even more, but there’s a strange thrill in his teasing. It’s not cruel, like it sometimes feels when he scolds you in class. This time, it feels almost… warm.
Before you can respond, Yamaguchi jogs over, grinning widely. “Hey! Thanks for coming!” he says, his eyes bright with excitement. “I’m so glad you got to see the game.”
You smile back, grateful for the distraction. “It was great! You guys were amazing. Good game,” you said awkwardly, not sure what else to say.
Tsukishima raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Thanks.”
Yamaguchi chuckled. “Look at him, trying to act all cool. He’s just happy to see you. Tsukki always plays better when someone important is watching,” Yamaguchi teased beside you, his tone playful.
Tsukishima shot Yamaguchi a look but didn’t deny it. Instead, he turned back to you, adjusting his glasses. “I’m glad you came.”
The simple statement sent a flutter through your chest, and for the first time in a long while, you felt a sense of ease. Maybe things weren’t perfect—maybe you were still struggling with your classes and the pressures that weighed on you—but in this moment, standing here with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, you realized that you didn’t have to face it all alone. Small moments like this, small escapes from the overwhelming routine, were what made it all bearable.
The rest of the day is a blur, but you carry the memory of the game—and those fleeting moments with Tsukishima—long after you leave the gym. His teasing words, the way his eyes lingered on you for just a second longer than necessary—it all leaves you feeling strangely giddy, like something has shifted between you. You don’t know what it means yet, but the thought of it makes your heart beat just a little faster.
The excitement from the game lingers with you as you walk back to your dormitory. You should feel relieved, maybe even a little triumphant for sneaking out of winter class without getting caught. But as you step through the threshold of your room, that familiar heaviness settles back over your chest. The contrast between the energy of the gym and the quiet stillness of your dorm is jarring, almost suffocating.
You close the door behind you and drop your bag on the floor, collapsing onto your bed with a heavy sigh. The reality of what you’ve done sinks in—you’ve skipped class. Skipped winter class. The one your mom keeps reminding you about, the one she’s certain will help you "catch up" with your more advanced classmates. You’re supposed to be there, making up for all the time you’ve "wasted," proving you can handle the challenge.
Instead, you spent the afternoon at a volleyball game.
You glance at your phone, half-expecting an angry message from your mom, berating you for skipping class, but there’s nothing. You turned off your location, after all, so she can’t possibly know. But that doesn’t stop the guilt from gnawing at your insides, twisting and turning in your stomach until you feel almost sick.
Your phone pings with a new notification. It’s from your class group chat—students exchanging notes and summaries of the lecture you missed. You scan through the messages, but every word feels like a weight pressing down on your chest. All your classmates seem so prepared, so eager to prove themselves. Some of them were in the lecture hall an hour before class even started, peppering the professor with questions as if they were experts themselves. Meanwhile, you’ve barely had the energy to keep up with the material, even though you’ve been reviewing it diligently every night.
You should be like them, you think. You should be more proactive, more engaged. Instead, you’ve been struggling just to stay awake, constantly exhausted, your mind barely able to process anything outside of the textbooks in front of you. It’s as if your body is stuck in a cycle—study until you can’t anymore, collapse into bed, and wake up only when your alarm blares to remind you to take your vitamins and ginseng tonic. Your mom’s incessant control over your meals only adds to the stress, with daily reminders that she’s still keeping tabs on your health, convinced you’re not doing enough to take care of yourself.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe you’re not doing enough. But the truth is, you’re just so tired—tired of constantly running on this treadmill, never feeling like you’re getting anywhere. You feel stuck in place, your efforts swallowed up by the endless grind of study, sleep, repeat.
A text comes through from your mom, just as you feared: “Don’t forget to eat the chicken soup I sent over. It should be there by now. And make sure you drink the herbal tonic after—there’s no sugar in it, just like you asked.”
You groan inwardly. Even when you’re not thinking about school, your mom’s constant reminders feel like another layer of pressure. It’s like she doesn’t trust you to manage your own life, and as much as you appreciate her concern, it’s starting to suffocate you. You look over at the brown bag by the door—the delivery she’s had sent to your dorm—and you realize you’ve lost your appetite completely.
You collapse back into bed, letting your body sink into the mattress. You want to sleep. More than anything, you want to shut out the world and just… rest. But your mind won’t let you. It keeps spinning, the guilt of skipping class, the fear of falling behind, and the constant pressure from your mom all swirling around in your head until you can hardly breathe.
And then there’s Tsukishima.
The game flashes in your mind again—his quick glances during the match, the way he teased you afterward, the tension between you when he stood so close. You feel your heart flutter, even as you try to push the thoughts away. You can’t afford to be distracted by him, not when you’re already struggling to keep up with your coursework. But no matter how hard you try to focus, his image keeps creeping back in—his sharp gaze, his calm, steady voice. It’s maddening.
Another buzz from your phone pulls you from your thoughts, but this time it’s not from your mom or your classmates.
It’s Tsukishima.
Your heart skips a beat as you stare at the notification.
Did you make it back to your dorm?
You blink at the screen. It's a simple text, nothing special, but the fact that he’s checking in on you sends a warm feeling spreading through your chest. You feel your fingers twitch, hesitating for a moment before you type out a response.
Yeah, just got back. You?
There’s a long pause. You watch the three little dots as he types and deletes a few times, and you start to wonder if maybe you’ve said something wrong. But then his message finally comes through.
Still at the gym. Going to grab something to eat.
You smile, picturing him somewhere near the gym, maybe wiping off sweat or grabbing his things, looking as serious and unruffled as ever. Before you can overthink it, you send another message.
Don’t forget to eat your veggies —you joke, hoping it will lighten the mood.
You wait for a response, and when it comes, it’s as dry as you expect.
Noted.
A small laugh escapes you. You can almost hear the sarcasm in his voice, the subtle amusement lurking beneath his stoic exterior. You set your phone down, the tension in your chest easing just a little.
But even with Tsukishima’s brief distraction, the reality of your situation remains. You still have winter class tomorrow, and the fear of falling behind looms large over you. The holiday break that should have been a time of relaxation has become nothing but stress, pressure, and endless responsibilities. You’ve been trying so hard to keep up, but it’s clear you’re just not moving at the same pace as your classmates. They’re racing ahead while you feel like you’re stuck in quicksand, every step forward dragging you deeper into the struggle.
And then there’s the question you’ve been avoiding: what if you’re not cut out for this? What if no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to catch up? The idea terrifies you, but you can’t shake it. The doubt clings to you like a shadow, darkening every corner of your mind.
As the hours tick by, you find yourself caught between two worlds—the world of responsibility and expectation, and the world of escape, where Tsukishima’s texts linger in your thoughts, a small, comforting reminder that not everything in your life is about pressure and stress.
You rolled over in bed, pulling the blanket up to your chin. All you wanted was to sleep. To shut out the world and forget about winter class, forget about your mom, forget about everything except the warmth of your bed and the lingering memory of Tsukishima’s text.
But your mind wouldn’t let you rest. It kept spinning, the weight of your responsibilities pressing down on you, making it hard to breathe. You couldn’t afford to be distracted, not by Tsukishima, not by the game, not by anything.
Yet, despite your best efforts, his face kept creeping back into your thoughts. The way he’d glanced at you during the game, the teasing smirk he’d given you afterward. It was enough to make your heart race, enough to make you question why you couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Your phone buzzed again, and for a moment, you panicked, thinking it was your mom. But when you glanced at the screen, you saw it was another message from Tsukishima.
Get some rest. You look exhausted.
Your breath caught in your throat. You stared at the message, your mind racing. He’d noticed. He’d actually noticed how tired you were, how worn out you felt. It wasn’t much—just a simple observation—but it meant more to you than you wanted to admit.
You typed out a quick response, your fingers trembling slightly.
I will. You too.
His reply came almost immediately.
Sure.
You smiled to yourself, the tension in your chest easing just a little. For a brief moment, everything felt… okay. The stress of winter class, the pressure from your mom, the fear of falling behind—it all seemed to fade into the background, replaced by the warmth of Tsukishima’s words.
And for now, this moment is enough.
tagslist (free to mention) ; @theweirdfloatything @snowthatareblack @ilovemymomscooking @nayiiryun @knightofmidnight @kozumesphone @scxrcherr
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santaasi · 6 months
Text
DANCE WITH ME
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pairing: jj maybank x dancer!fem!reader
summary: jj maybank loves the sea, the sandy beach of north carolina and the warm sun. new york is the exact opposite of all this. and he hates it. but she... she changes everything.
warnings: new york au, fluff, slight angst (as usual), but happy ending, miscommunication trope, a little use of y/n, some language, english is not my first language
word count: 5.9k
a/n: first of all, thank u all for supporting my first two works here. I rly couldn’t have expected so much love and support from all of u, but i appreciate it. secondly, I can't write summaries, so i think it sounds kinda shitty. thirdly, it was supposed to be a small blurb, but I was carried away and I couldn't stop. and fourthly, I listened to Slaves - Body on Fire and Katy Perry - Wide Awake while writing this oneshot, so I advise everyone to do the same.
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The huge theater hall of the New York School of the Fine Arts was getting more crowded and noisier by the second. People dressed in ridiculously posh suits, as if they had come to a reception at Buckingham Palace, took their seats and from time to time looked askance at the two guys sitting in one of the front rows.
In particular, all those present, as it seemed to JJ himself, looked at him with special disapproval interest. Compared to this bunch of rich bastards who had nothing to do on Thursday night except watch their ‘creatively gifted’ children jumping around the stage in tutus, he looked like a black sheep in his dark jeans, a white T-shirt with unwashed ketchup stains and a cap on. He looked like a total looser, who had missed his shift at a godforsaken restaurant in the Bronx only to watch his best friend’s new girlfriend performance, while everyone around him was showing off their wealth and position. Showing JJ his place.
JJ Maybank had no place in this money-rotten world. And he knew it perfectly well.
And why was he sitting here then?
Just as simple as it is. Because of John Booker Routledge. JJ Maybank adored his best friend. No, not best friend. JJ Maybank adored his brother, John B., who saved him from an abusive and alcoholic father, allowing him to move into his small flat in the Bronx and gave him a chance to make a fresh start.
John B. Routledge was always there for JJ. They spent all the happy and sad moments together, supporting and helping each other. And Maybank, in gratitude for everything, was ready to do anything for John B. Absolutely anything.
That's why he was now sitting in a maroon-upholstered theater chair, waiting for the start of a ballet performance in which John B's new girlfriend, Sarah, had the main role, and felt all these rich jerks staring at him. And it annoyed him.
He was annoyed by all these vain idiots and how they always looked down on guys like John and J, who had to literally fight for their lives in this huge city, while those rich bastards were drinking prosecco on the veranda of their Soho estate.
He was annoyed by the kids of these jerks who studied at these luxurious art schools, a semester in which cost so much that JJ could live happily on this money for five years or even more.
He was annoyed by whole this situation, which literally screamed: “Look at us! We have a lot of money that we spend on stupid school performances, so that our kids would think they're talented.”
JJ Maybank was not envious. It was just that he, a man who had worked his whole life in order not to starve, did not perceive all this creative entertainments as something serious at all. He didn't go to theaters, operas, ballets and the like. For him, it was stupid shows to launder money from these rich peeps. And JJ wouldn't be sitting in this chair waiting for the play to start if it wasn't for John B. John B., who needed his support in this fashionable enemy lair.
Exhaling irritably, catching another look of disgust from some elderly lady in furs, J took off his cap and ran fingers through his blond hair, turning to John B., who was looking at the curtains and tapping his feet on the floor.
“I'm going to take a leak and smoke, okay, John?" JJ patted him on the shoulder before getting up from his seat and heading out of the hall. John just nodded without taking his eyes off the stage.
This guy was obsessed with Sarah. And it's not that JJ didn't understand what his best mate found in a pretty blonde girl, it's just... it's just that Maybank never thought that John B would be all lovey-dovey with some chick that was completely out of his league. Although Routledge always had freer views in this rich/poor hierarchy, while JJ was sure that all the kids born with a golden spoon in their mouths were stuck up bitches not worth his attention.
Of course, Sarah Cameron proved the opposite. As they would say in North Carolina, she was kook on the outside, but a true pogue in her heart. But, as Maybank believed, this was a one-in-a-million exception.
JJ was walking along a bright corridor, trying to find the exit, when he caught a barely audible melodie. The guy followed the sound, looking through the glass in the slightly ajar door leading to a bright, spacious ballroom with large panoramic windows and ballet bars. In the middle of the sunset-drenched hall stood a young girl, who sometimes came with Sarah to hang out with John and JJ, but he never paid enough attention to her.
More precisely, she was too out of reach for a guy like JJ, to pay her attention that he wanted to. She was kind, sincere, her smile could light up, it seemed, the whole world. She always laughed at his jokes, even the dumbest ones. The mere touch of her fingers on his skin made JJ burn as if he were being immersed in a flaming cauldron of hell.
She was incredibly smart, funny and breathtakingly beautiful. Just the sight of her in a small summer dress made everything in front of his eyes fade, leaving only her. She was too perfect in his eyes, like an angel descending from heaven to torment him, JJ Maybank, showing him what he could never have. Making him hate his position and his life. Making him envious of these dumb rich assholes. Because she was too good for a bad guy like JJ Maybank.
And now, looking at her fragile frame, watching the elegant swings of her hands, perfectly honed movements and the flight of her hair from each new spin, JJ's heart in the chest was treacherously squeezed with delight. His breathing, as well as time, stopped, and it seemed to the guy as if the world had stopped too, leaving only her in his field of vision. Neat facial features, flushed cheeks, slightly parted lips, gaze concentrated on the mirror, but as if looking into another dimension. She looked beautiful, flawless... No, she looked divine.
JJ didn't know how long he had been standing in the hallway looking at Sarah Cameron's friend. But as soon as the music ended, and she ran her hand over her hot face, pushing back the hair stuck to her skin. As soon as she raised a bottle of water to her lips taking a couple of sips. And as soon as her gaze fell on the guy on the other side of the door. Maybank immediately came out of his entranced state, feeling caught and ashamed.
Turning around on his heels, JJ walked swiftly to the exit, still feeling his heart beating in his chest at breakneck speed, and her gentle image rises before his eyes. A wave of the hand. Jump. Spin. And again the hand is in the air. Jump… Spin… The music is like the sound of the sea... Her eyes are like warm sand…
The cold February wind hit him in the face and without even thinking, the guy lit a cigarette, looking into the void.
He hated New York and the cold of the city. He missed North Carolina. Kildare with its warm sun and sandy beaches. The smell of the sea, the sound of waves and surfing…
Why is he even thinking about the Outer Banks now, three years after he left without even once looking back…?
JJ Maybank did not return to that room full of these loaded bastards, steeped in luxury and affectation. Instead, he lowered his head and got to their shared apartment on the outskirts of the Bronx, where the rats and the crazy granny neighbor who was always bothering him for nothing were waiting for him.
But for the first time in three years, JJ Maybank didn't care about any of this. He was still standing in that hallway. He looked through the glass at the sunlit room.
A wave of the hand. Jump. Spin.
And again. Her hand is in the air... Jump… Spin…
The music is like the sound of the sea... Her eyes are like warm sand… And her light smile, like the warm sun of Kildare…
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JJ Maybank fell in love.
If someone had told him six months ago that his heart would beat a thousand beats per minute just by looking at her, or that when talking to her, he would not be able to find more than one suitable word and would only stand and watch her giggle softly at his reaction... He would have laughed in the man's face. Because JJ Maybank doesn't fall in love. He spends one night with a girl and forgets about her in the morning. He takes napkins with numbers he will never call and throws them in the nearest trash can.
JJ Maybank is not made for relationships. He does not get attached and cannot love. But for some reason, he feels differently with her.
JJ Maybank fell in love.
And if six months ago he would have been told that he would work two shifts to buy himself a white dress shirt and a pair of decent trousers just to sit in a maroon velvet armchair among rich pompous bastards and watch her dance on stage... Watch how she transforms in her dance, becoming even more beautiful... Watch her every move, every curve of her body and the soft rise of her hands just to catch the smallest changes on her flawless face…
And then, meet her in the hall with a bouquet of her favorite tulips in his hands, for which he borrowed money from John B., just to see her smile like Kildare's sun and hear her laugh that reminds him of waves crashing on the shore.
JJ Maybank fell head over heels in love with her.
And it was obvious to everyone as a clear day.
John B. saw his friend's pupils turn into two big throbbing hearts when he saw her. John B. saw how JJ, who had always been confident around the girls, turned into a small helpless puppy who could not utter a single word as soon as she appeared next to him. John B. noticed how his best friend's life changed dramatically with the arrival of her in JJ's life.
JJ Maybank's life, which previously consisted only of home, work and a couple of weekend parties, now consisted only of work and meetings with her after which he went back to work.
Sarah wasn't blind to the changes in JJ's behavior either. The first time she saw him on the steps of the NYAFA, she thought that something had happened to John B., but when she realized that Maybank was not waiting for her, but for her friend, everything immediately fell into place. JJ's frequent appearance at performances at the academy, even when John B. did not go to them, the flowers that changed every three days in their shared with Y/N house, his questions about her best friend's preferences and many other things finally made sense.
Therefore, at her birthday party, Sarah decided to be a wingman and do everything possible to connect loving hearts. After all, Cameron did not escape the reactions from Y/N, who too often began to ask questions about JJ, who began to devote more time to her appearance and blushed every time Sarah mentioned only the name of the blonde.
Now JJ was sitting at a table in the Cameron's house backyard in Soho, which was decorated with sparkling lights in honor of the birthday girl, and stirring a glass of brandy in his hand. His gaze was once again focused only on her, dancing with Sarah on an improvised dance floor to some Latin music. The skirt of her white dress was like sea foam rising and falling with her every movement, and her ringing laughter made his heart skip a beat. During the four months of his addiction to her, it became a habitual body reaction for him.
JJ chuckled as he drained the rest of the brandy before lifting his head and meeting her glittering, emerald-like eyes. Her cheeks were red and her lips stretched into a wide smile. The guy saw how her chest quickly fell and rose after active dancing. The girl tilted her head slightly, bringing a red cup with drink to her lips before sitting down next to Maybank.
“Are you enjoying the party, Jay?" the girl teased. Her velvety voice carried like an electric current through his body before Maybank turned his head in her direction.
“Rather enjoying the view,” JJ grinned, winking at her, making the poor girl blush. She giggled softly and rolled her eyes playfully, nudging him lightly on the shoulder.
“I'm serious, by the way. You look tired,” the girl murmured and a line appeared between her brows. “And lately, I- I rarely see you.”
JJ's heart skipped a beat at the thought that she was worried about him and a corners of his mouth lifted. He sat closure to her, putting his hand on the back of her chair, looking straight into her doe-eyes. The girl felt as if the air had been knocked out of her lungs by the very sight of that self-confident grin and the look into those deep blue eyes. J's hand softly touched her cheek as he brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. The girl sucked in a loud breath and involuntarily leaned into his touch.
“You shouldn't bother that pretty little head of yours with worries about me, princess,” the guy whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself.”
“And what if I want to take care of you...” the girl said in a barely audible voice, swallowing a lump in her throat.
She could feel her heart about to burst out when JJ slightly closed the distance between them. His lips were unbearably close to hers and she felt his hot breath burning her skin, and his hand continued to gently stroke her cheek. She had never wanted to kiss someone so much in her life.
For the past four months, all she could think about was the guy who came to her every performance when even her parents weren't there. The guy who meets her every night from rehearsals and asks her about her day. The guy who gives her his hoodie when she gets cold. The guy who brings her a bouquet of her favorite tulips every three days and leaves cute notes inside that she keeps in a shoe box under the bed.
Before JJ Maybank, all her thoughts were occupied only with dancing, which she lived and breathed, rehearsals, preparations for concerts and dreams of Broadway.
Now everything that surrounded her: a fresh bouquet of tulips in the kitchen, a blue hoodie with the smell of the sea in her closet, notes in a box under her bed and even the music she danced to - reminds her of him. She thinks about JJ when she wakes up and when she fall asleep. When she's dancing, when she's choosing music for a new performance, when she's walking, when she's reading, when she's resting. She thinks about JJ Maybank, about his light soft disheveled hair, about his blue eyes in which she could drown, about the smell of the salty sea that seemed to soak into his skin, constantly.
And now that he was so close to her, when he touched her face and looked at her with such tenderness, all she wanted to do was pull him closer and kiss him. But instead she swallowed, barely breaking away from him as Sarah's voice shattered their little vacuum world. Maybank cursed softly, running his hand through his hair before looking back at the girl who had already got up from her seat, preparing to head towards Sarah.
“Will you dance with me when I'm done with her?" A nervous laugh escaped her lips as she turned around halfway, looking hopefully at the guy.
JJ was taken aback. He wanted to agree. He wanted to say that he would be happy to dance with her, but... but he couldn't dance. And he was ashamed to admit it to someone for whom dancing was hers whole life. And he didn't want their first dance to be a complete failure just because he was a fool who couldn't move his bear paws and didn't know where to put his hands and how to behave properly and…
“Mhm. I'm already leaving. I have a night shift, so… Maybe another time?” the guy said distantly and shrugged, getting up from his chair.
Meeting her gaze, which literally screamed disappointment and that his answer hurt her, J immediately regretted his words and wanted to return them, but it was too late. The girl faked a smile and nodded.
“Then... maybe... another time? See ya, Jay,” she said finally and disappeared into the crowd, trying to suppress the tears that are starting to fill her eyes.
"Yeah… next time," the guy echoed, watching her move further away from him.
JJ Maybank was head over heels in love.
And even though he wasn't a genius before, he was a complete fool now.
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Three weeks later, her dreams and her heart were broken. Three weeks after Sarah's birthday, she realized that all of JJ's feelings for her were just her own delusions.
At first, they just started seeing each other less often. He no longer met her after rehearsals, as he took extra shifts at work, but still sent her flowers every three days. He messaged her every day asking how her day was and how she was feeling, told her funny stories from work on their evenings phone calls and everything seemed fine. But after two weeks, all their communication came to naught. She offered to meet a couple of times, but JJ refused, saying that he had a job and as soon as his co-worker will recover from his unexpected illness, they would definitely meet.
And she believed him. And waited.
Until one day she saw JJ Maybank with a cup of coffee in his hand, strolling down Lexington Avenue smiling at a dark-haired girl, so beautiful as if she had stepped off the cover of vogue magazine when, according to him, he was supposed to be at work.
And at that moment, her whole world seemed to collapse.
She knew that she had no rights to the guy, that he had promised her nothing. And she understood perfectly well that they were not in a relationship, and that in fact he could spend his time with anyone. But her heart beat painfully in her chest from the realization that all those sweet and meaningful moments with him were now just nothing.
All those notes, flowers, late-night calls and conversations, that almost kiss - were now nothing and it broke her heart.
But the worst thing about this situation was the realization that instead of talking, JJ just decided to ignore her and ghost her, coming up with stupid excuses not to see her.
Maybe she did something wrong? Or maybe some of her words hurt him? Or was she too clingy? A lot of questions were spinning in the girl's head, but all she could do was lock herself in her room and cry, glad that Sarah had gone to her family for a couple of days. She didn't want to discuss this topic with anyone, not even with her best friend.
From that day on, she stopped texting JJ in the morning and calling in the evenings when she returned from rehearsals. She stopped opening the door to the courier, who continued to bring her flowers from him. And she hid his hoodie, smelling of the sea, away in the closet. She cut JJ Maybank out of her life, devoting herself to dancing, shutting herself off from the world around her.
At first, JJ did not notice that the girl had pulled away from him, immersed in her business and work.
More precisely, he noticed that she no longer wrote or called him after training, but for the first three days he attributed it to her busy schedule. Maybank remembered that she had mentioned preparing for an audition for a Broadway troupe, and thought that was what she was doing. But when he hadn't heard from her for a week, he got worried.
To tell the truth, JJ has been restless all week. He was so used to her presence in his life, to her morning messages that gave him energy for the whole day, to her evening calls and laughter on the phone that made his soul feel better, that the absence of these small moments felt like emptiness. Like a black corridor with no exit.
And JJ started writing to her himself, but he didn't get a reply. Then he started calling her, but all the calls were forwarded to the voicemail. He went to the academy, but he never saw her. And eventually he met Sarah, who was also completely unaware.
“Since I came from my parents, she hasn't been herself,” Sarah admitted, biting her lip, frowning slightly. “She hardly talks to me, she's always rehearsing, and it's like she's dropped out of life. I do not know what's wrong with her, JJ.”
Because of the whole situation, JJ Maybank couldn't live fully.
He continued to write to her, call her, even wrote letters by hand, as in those romantic films that she loved so much, throwing them under her door, but he never received an answer. Not a single response in a month.
He had been living without her in his life for a whole fucking month, and if before he was sure that he was in love with her, now JJ Maybank was a thousand percent sure that he loved her to the point of insanity and physical pain.
He wanted to hear her laugh every day. He wanted to wake up and see her smile and sparkling eyes first. He wanted to listen to her endless chatter about her favorite actors, singers and dancers. He wanted to watch her dance, watch how her soul seemed to rise somewhere higher, to where he had no access. He wanted to watch her laugh, blush, cry, be sad or angry for the rest of his life.
JJ Maybank wanted to spend his whole life with her. Because she is life itself. She is the ocean, the sound of waves, wet sand and warm sun. She's Kildare. She's his home.
And JJ Maybank wasn't going to give up on that. Not today. Not now. Never.
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The sun had long sunk below the horizon. It was raining like hell, and even if JJ had an umbrella, it definitely wouldn't have saved him. No one could hide from the spring rains of New York.
JJ was standing under a tree near the entrance to the Academy of Fine Arts, waiting for her.
Today, JJ will solve all their problems and confess his feelings to her. No matter the weather, no matter her mood, or even the meteor shower, he will do everything to make her listen to him. And if after that she decides that she doesn't want to see him, then he will leave her life forever. But if, for once in his life, luck would be on his side, and she reciprocates, then... then he will never let her go.
The big front door opened and Y/N walked out of the building, lifting her head up, looking at the sky. JJ froze for a second, watching as she lifted her backpack over her head and walked down the marble steps so beautiful and elegant. He hadn't seen her for almost a month and a half, and now that she was so close to him, all thoughts and intentions left his head. And just like the first time they met, he could only look at her and enjoy the view. But as soon as her foot hit the sidewalk and she headed for the bus stop, JJ came out of his hiding place calling her name.
The girl stopped halfway, slowly looking over her shoulder at the blond man approaching her. The world stopped around her in a second. She felt her knees ready to buckle, and her heart began to beat a painfully familiar accelerated rhythm. But before her feelings could fully grasp her again, the girl pulled herself together and turned away, swiftly walking away from him.
“No, wait! We need to talk!" JJ shouted through the noise of the rain, starting to run, catching her by the forearm and turning her towards him. The girl's eyes widened when his hand touched the bare skin of her forearm and her whole body felt like it was on fire.
“Let me go,” she said coldly, and JJ was a little taken aback, but did not let go of her hands, shaking his head negatively. He won't leave until he's sorted it out. He needed answers. And he needed her even more.
“I won't let you go until you tell me what's the matter with you"
The girl stared at the guy in shock, and then laughed out loud, throwing her head back, lowering the bag, as her hand was tired of holding it over her head. Raindrops immediately began to roll down her face and hair, drenching her to the skin in a second.
“Are you serious? What's the matter? You tell me what's the matter, JJ! Tired of your new doll and you decided to come back to me again, huh?”
Her eyes sparkled with the fire of anger, burning a hole in the uncomprehending JJ. She was furious and it was the first time he had seen her like this and did not understand what he had done to arouse such reaction in her. Her bag fell to the sidewalk and she came closer, lifting her head a little higher, looking straight into his eyes.
“What? Did you also play with her, made her feel needed, desired, and then dumped her? Yeah, Maybank? Did you do the same to her?”
She pulled her hand out of his grasp and pushed her palms into his chest. The guy staggered, but remained standing in place, frowning, watching her eyes fill with tears. Or was it just the rain?
“Why aren't you saying anything? Answer me! Did you do the same to her as you did to me?" The girl roared in his face, pushing him in the chest once more before taking a step back, shaking her head.
She turned away for a couple of seconds, gathering her thoughts. JJ heard her sniffle and felt his heart clench with pain. He didn't understand what she was angry about, who she was talking about and what she wanted him to say. Maybank wanted to pull her closer to him and calm her down, to tell her that everything would be fine and that they could work it out, but he was too overwhelmed by everything that was happening and couldn't even move.
“You know, I believed that you really liked me. I believed that for the first time in my life, someone liked me, and not Sarah or one of my friends, but you...” she sniffled again, wiping the tears that rolled down her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I-I really believed you… Why didn't you tell me you weren't interested in me? Why didn't you say you didn't want to talk to me? Why did you make up excuses that you were working or-”
“Excuses? I was really working. I took extra shifts and I-” finally realizing the reality of the situation, JJ began to speak, but she immediately interrupted him, throwing a look full of pain and resentment.
“I saw you and that girl coming out of the coffee shop together when you said you were going to work!" She exclaimed, covering her face with her hands, running her fingers through her dump hair.
JJ rubbed his eyes, trying to figure out what she meant, which girl she was talking about, until he remembered Brittany, his dance coach. He signed up for dance classes a month ago. Was it really all because of that? Was she ignoring him because she thought he was just having fun with her? No, no, she couldn't have thought that.…
“Hey, hey, no, it's all not what it seems,” the guy shook his head, taking a step forward, reaching for her hands, removing them from her face, squeezing them in his own.
His eyes scanned her face. The mascara flowed from moisture and tears, the eyes were slightly reddened, and the nose was swollen. And JJ looked at her again. Not understanding why she would even think that he would like someone like Brittany when she was all he could dream of. His hands cupped her face and with his thumbs he gently wiped away the black marks under her eyes. A soft sob escaped her lips and a fresh batch of tears rolled down her cheeks. He exhaled, pressing his forehead against hers, swallowing, breathing heavily.
“The truth is... that Brittany girl... she's my dance teacher,” JJ whispered and looked into her eyes, which were looking at him questioningly. She looked like a little lost child and he chuckled softly.
“That night, at Sarah's birthday party, when you asked me to dance…" J closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. He hoped that he would never have to admit it, and that his dancing lessons would remain a secret, but she had to know the truth so as not to consider him the jerk who played with her feelings. JJ didn't want her to think that of him. “I refused because I can't dance. And I was... I was ashamed. Dancing is your whole life and I would just embarrass myself in front of you… And you'd think I was some kind of fool...”
“But I-I would never have th-thought that,” the girl whispered softly. J opened his eyes, caught her sincere gaze and smiled. God, what a fool he was.
“That's right, but I... I was an insecure jerk, princess,” the guy admitted, grinning, tucking a wet curl behind her ear. “I'm… It all happened so fast and I... I never saw myself catching these feelings. I never asked for help or needed the healing. And I decided to take these damn dance classes for you... and I didn't want you to find out because I... because I'm a complete idiot, apparently,” the guy laughed softly, shaking his head.
JJ let go of her face and took a couple of steps back, giving her time to process everything he said. He could feel his heart beating wildly against the walls of his chest while she stood and was silent, fluttering her eyelashes.
“Listen, Princess. I know I should have told you and all that earlier, but I... God, you're driving me crazy, you know? I can't think, speak, or breathe when you're around. I'm head over heels in love with you, angel” Maybank ran his fingers through the hair, trying to collect his thoughts. “I can't stop the way that this felt. It keeps coming round and round and round and back again”
She looked at him in silence, feeling as if the heart that she had broken herself was beginning to heal from his words. And she wanted to cry how stupid she had been to believe that JJ was playing with her. While he was taking dance lessons so as not to look like a fool in front of her… She knew he didn't like dancing, but for her sake he went to classes to learn. For her sake, he stepped over himself a bunch of times, worked overtime and did everything to make her happy, and she just...
A loud sob escaped her lips and she covered her mouth with her hand, feeling tears blurring her eyes. Her legs buckled and she almost fell to the ground, but JJ quickly picked her up, hugging her to him.
“I'm sorry, Jay! I'm so so so sorry, I was such a fool! I-I-I didn't mean to! I-I-didn't know,” the girl whimpered into his chest, clinging to his soaked T-shirt. His free hand slowly stroked her wet hair while his other hand held her on her feet.
“Shhh… Everything's fine now, right? We'll figure it out and everything will be fine,” the guy whispered in her ear, kissing the top of her head. “You believe me, don't you?”
The girl raised her head looking at his calm face, on which raindrops were running, at his wet hair and soft smile, and her soul felt so warm, as if in a second she was at home in the warmth next to the fireplace with a warm mug of tea in her hands, and not standing under the cold pouring rain in the middle of the street. Her hand slowly soared into the air and removed the bangs that stuck to his forehead before nodding in agreement.
JJ's gaze swept over her soft features. First the eyes, then the pink cheeks and plump lips that he wanted to kiss so much. The guy exhaled, raising his eyes again, looking into hers.
“Will you dance with me?” He whispered hoarsely, without taking his eyes off her, holding out his hand.
She smiled, and it seemed to him that this smile could light up the whole world if the sun ever went out. She gently placed her hand in his palm, and put the other on his shoulder. JJ squeezed her hand, pulling her closer by the waist, so that he felt every cell of her body and took the first hesitant step, which she followed without even thinking.
Her gaze was focused on his eyes, blue as two oceans, in which she was drowning more and more with each new step of the dance. For the first time, she didn't think about what move she should make next, or what position to stand in to look good on stage, or about getting to the beat of the music. For the first time in a long time, she danced just for herself, as she felt and as she wanted, completely trusting in the hands of JJ Maybank. He with trepidation and tenderness whirled her around in a dance on the ever-hurrying streets of New York, which at that moment stopped their run. Leaving only her, JJ and their dance in this vast world.
“I think love you, JJ,” she whispered softly, looking into his eyes, feeling a lump rise in her throat from excitement. Maybank stopped holding her in his arms, studying her face carefully before saying hoarsely, “Say it again".
“I love you,” she said on an exhale, and as soon as these words were uttered for the second time, Maybank pulled her face closer and kissed her. Gently. No rush. Like he haven't kissed anyone else before her. Trying to feel every emotion to the fullest.
The New York's rain comes pouring down, not even thinking to stop. And JJ Maybank didn't like the New York's rain. He didn't like New York and the people who live here. He disliked theater, ballet and dancing.
But JJ Maybank loved the sea, the sun and sandy beaches. He also loved surfing and Kildare, which he had to leave three years ago. He loved his home, which was thousands of miles from New York.
Y/N Y/L loved New York with its weather and people. She lived by dancing and dreamed of performing on Broadway and had never been to North Carolina. But despite this, JJ Maybank saw her as his home: the waves of the sea in her laughter, the sandy beaches in her eyes and the warmth of the sun in her smile.
And next to her, it turned out that New York and North Carolina were not so different, and that his home would never be a thousand miles away. And from now on, It will always stay next to him, in his arms, on his lips, in his heart.
Because now JJ Maybank knew that his home had never been a place. It's always been a person. And it's her.
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that’s my first such loooong oneshot here so, i’m a little nervous to post it. but i rly hope it came out good n not too boring.
I will be glad to receive any feedback. a comment, like or reblog always pleases that little writer’s heart of mine.
but, nevertheless, thankx for reading <3
– your santi ✨
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