#subconsciously ofc

[waxalas]

What if the reason L got depressed in the Yotsuba arc is because he is one massively emotionally detached doofus in love, and Light losing his memories is actually L losing his excuse not to let himself *be* in love?

Now reinterpret this (ch38 - about L being depressed):

L: I'm human. That's not allowed? Light: No, it's not. The way you talk, it's like you won't be satisfied unless I'm Kira.

Do you think Light is saying: "Can't you just love me for me, and not for the fucking game you twisted coward?!?"

I just like how Kira is what brings them together, but also what keeps them apart. Who doesn't love a good contradiction like that?

[daistea]

Mithrun be like ‘I’ve failed/pos 😊’

[grokebaby]

Finding the og drawing of Deirdre and it's like damn girl I used to draw her pincers way bigger they've shrunk alot over the years. I should maybe think of enlargening both of the girls' mouth parts

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

This exchange has got me thinking about how neither Sylus nor MC had childhoods where they were able to indulge in "childish" activities...

Sure, MC did grow up with Grandma and Caleb and seems to have had a fairly normal time with them, but she was adopted by the former at the age of ~8. For the longest time she had no recollection at all of the years prior, and during said until recently forgotten years she was treated like an experiment... so during a large portion of MC's childhood she went without being able to be a regular carefree child playing with plushies or collecting cute badges.

And in her previous lives she didn't get to be a proper child either, but was treated as a future weapon or as entertainment for sick adults. Her childhood wasn't spent playing, but being primed to or actively forced to fight and kill.

It's the same with Sylus. Neither of his known childhoods were happy or easy. The only time we hear him speak of his past (Lost Oasis) he says simply that he "struggled to survive". Which checks out for both of his lives.

So what I want to say with this post is that it makes a lot of sense that MC has "childish" hobbies as an adult, and also that Sylus indulges her (and himself) in them. They are in a way healing their inner children, and reclaiming something of what was stolen from them.

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

[agoldenblackbird]

Ranty Bitch Vol. 4: Buck and Eddie's Friendship

started my own post instead of adding on bc WOW this got long, but seeing sadieb798 's addition to this post reminded me that YEAH, buck HAS bent over backwards for eddie and chris. like friendships aren't transactional or they shouldn't be but if you tally things up its very uneven and that's a glaring red flag.

buck has:

-given up endless days off to babysit christopher so eddie could go out on dates, work without buck, go out with other friends, and cheat on his girlfriend!

-he also got voluntold to babysit when carla wasn't available when he was recovering from the embolism and severely depressed! eddie said buck being off work - the thing he was so depressed about he literally wasn't getting out of bed - was CONVENIENT for EDDIE.

at the time it was supposed to be a joke i'm sure. but looking back through all of canon it's like...really? oh so you only do care about what he can do for you, you even said the quiet part loud.

-he saved eddie's life

-he saved chris' life

-he brought carla into their lives and solved eddie's childcare issues after eddie had been floundering for months already [math: couple weeks-1 month at the 118 (or could be much longer, bc maddie went through all of dispatcher training between 2x01 and 2x02, time is fake on this show) plus 5 months for the academy plus however long he was in LA before that. a long time to be without consistent organized childcare and relying solely on favors from women in your family who have their own lives and in pepa's case a full time job!] it's implied by the vague 'programs' and how applying for one can disqualify you from others that carla was able to also help him get funding from the state for chris' care, so this solved a serious financial issue for eddie as well.

-he grovelled for forgiveness for not being there for EDDIE after buck had suffered the extensive trauma of 3 near-death-experiences in a row and had to fight to get his job back when he was unfairly and illegally constructively dismissed because of personal bias on the part of his boss

-he forgave eddie for screaming at him in a grocery store and calling him exhausting and selfish even though eddie never apologised

-he put eddie up during the pandemic in his NO BEDROOM LOFT APARTMENT ffs, and considering eddie still had to pay rent on his own house buck probably did that for free

-he's cooked dinner for them (i think we only see this happen onscreen twice but there's indications it's a fairly regular thing, and that's labor and time intensive and also not cheap considering the price of groceries)

-he organized firefam christmas at the station when eddie was upset about letting down chris on their first christmas without shannon by having to work

-he ran to eddie's rescue in the middle of the night after his breakdown AND took over the running of the diaz household in the aftermath so eddie could focus on therapy and his own recovery, including helping clean up not just the metaphorical but the LITERAL mess eddie had made, complete with patching the holes in his walls

-gently intervened with worry for eddie's well being and mental health when eddie was cheating on his girlfriend with his dead wife's clone

-puts off his own life/wants/priorities and drops everything to deal with eddie's problems - the most glaring examples coming to mind would be all but moving into eddie's after eddie's breakdown and ignoring his newly-moved-in girlfriend, and rescheduling a date with tommy at the last minute after finding out about kim, but i'm sure there are others if i felt like an 8-season rewatch (reader, i do NOT)

-gave up his home - probably paying a penalty for breaking his OWN lease - to sublet from eddie so eddie could afford to move to texas

-and then functioned as his DAILY life coach/cheerleader/ersatz therapist when eddie, having impulsively quit his job and moved to el paso without talking about it with chris and bought a 'fixer-upper' aka money pit, had no job and was broke and floundering

-continued to coach him through staying and reconnecting with chris instead of giving up despite that meaning buck would get what he wanted - his partner and friend back. if he was actually as selfish as eddie likes to accuse him of being he could have said 'welp you tried, you're right it's time to move back'

-did not once say anything along the lines of 'i told you this was a bad idea' or 'hm what's going on with chris' health insurance now that you no longer have a firefighter job pretty sure uber doesn't have a benefits package' or anything else pointing out how eddie keeps on causing his own problems with impulsive bad choices and not learning anything from it (i would not have been able to resist! buck is way too nice!)

-and then there's the part where buck is always happy to step in and do the emotional labor w/ chris that eddie doesn't want to do or maybe doesn't have the ability to do, which is why i side-eye eddie being praised for being the best father EVAR. some examples:

-->when chris was upset about being lied to and how he was not like other kids/couldn't do everything after the skateboard incident, came up with a way chris Could Skateboard, Actually

-->it's said he often took chris to the zoo without eddie, to the point that they 'have the place memorized,' so he's involved in seeking out and scheduling these sorts of activities and probably also paying for them

-->buck is the one making cookies with chris for the pta bakesale, and he also helps with homework

-->and most importantly, buck has taken over difficult conversations with chris MULTIPLE times over a span of years including

------>struggling with people leaving/his father dating again

------>telling chris his father was shot

------>comforting/explaining to chris after his father had a breakdown and smashed up his bedroom with a baseball bat and scared the shit out of chris

------>not two-timing girls, which then turned into a conversation about his dead mom that eddie, despite listening in, continued to let buck handle for him

------>a second conversation about two-timing and how it's apparently fine when eddie does it, in order to convince chris not to LEAVE THE STATE. eddie really said 'hey i'm tagging you in, do your thing' instead of talking to his own kid after arguably the biggest parenting screwup made by a main on the show.

some of these buck just happened to be the person who was there or chris sought him out specifically, but at least twice eddie assigned him that task and it's implied in how he says it 'do what you ALWAYS do' that it's a regular thing.

on the other hand, eddie:

-helped save his life after he was struck by lightning (he gets half points for this because it was a group effort)

-took him to a poker game once to spend time together as friends that does not involve buck doing something for eddie (although it was arguably just to abuse his math skills for eddie's entertainment/gain)

-hosted one (1) dinner for buck and taylor that he actually cooked himself which i'm sure was a HUUUUUGE sacrifice in eddie's mind considering how terrible a cook he was and how much he hated her...

-sometimes throws his child at buck when buck is depressed or upset (i'm only listing this bc eddie probably thinks of it as something he has 'done for buck.' EYE don't think using your child as a combination of meat shield/inspiration porn (christopher never feels sorry for himself) and essentially putting the burden on chris of making buck feel better instead of eddie himself saying 'hey i'm worried about you, do you need to talk about it' and then listening to him, or saying 'hey, that was shitty of me to pick a fight with you and say all those mean things, i didn't mean it and i'm sorry' - y'know, being a FRIEND - is something he should be praised for)

-was very supportive when buck was angry and spiralling about his parents' bullshit (this was legit a very lovely friendship moment! back when eddie's character had potential and i had hope! oh, those halcyon days)

-gave buck refuge from maddie's micromanaging post-lightning strike, asked how he was, listened to the answer, and gave advice/encouragement/support from his own NDE experience (genuinely, no sarcasm, this was A+ good friendship and a standout moment. unfortunately it doesn't make up for *gestures vaguely at canon*)

-forgave buck for spraining his ankle/said through the proxy of tommy that he felt bad for excluding buck. it was an Everyone Sucks Here situation because Eddie was being thoughtless but that doesn't give buck the right to bodycheck him bc he's jealous. (people get hurt playing sportsball yes, so it's debatable if it was really on purpose although buck himself alludes to it not being completely accidental in the convo with maddie). it was still kind of eddie to understand where buck was coming from without needing it spelled out or going but whatabout meeeeeee. i'm just salty because clearly he's CAPABLE of seeing things from buck's perspective and being understanding and fair, and most of the time he'd just rather use buck as an emotional punching bag and accuse him of 'making everything about himself.' the time when buck arguably WAS making things about himself that weren't - ie eddie making a new friend - eddie doesn't say that. but when buck is having emotions in a way eddie doesn't like or finds inconvenient, suddenly the verbal knives are out.

-wasn't a homophobe when buck came out to him, although that's kinda bare minimum for being a Non-Awful Human plus he managed to insult him twice in that 10 minute conversation soooo... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-and gave buck custody of his son if/when he dies which is arguably actually for chris's sake and for eddie's own peace of mind, considering that eddie's not dead yet, but he already has a habit of outsourcing the parts of parenting he doesn't want to do to buck!

[heffrondriving]

❝ And KENDALL needs to stop talking back to me after everything I say! ❞

[bone-fanfiction]

idc what anyone says, if fictional characters can keep me from having a self destructive spiral & subsequent episode over paranoid intrusive thoughts about real-life incest, maybe the fake brother yaoi is good, actually.

[krash-and-co]

the real 35 portland row is located on tumblr dot com btw

[scentofpines]

did a stupid warm up and a stupid yoga flow for my stupid body. i now feel slightly better about my stupid life

[fumifooms]

Honestly I wonder if anyone’s ever read Chilchuck’s “I cheated on her” admission as an implicit reference to prioritizing alcohol over his marriage and feeling guilty abt it.

Ohh… "I cheated on her" as a half-truth because something ended up taking priority over their marriage, because emotionally he was elsewhere… "I cheated on her" because after having all the time in the world to think about it now that he’s alone, he realizes that that might have been how she felt, and that’s how it felt like to him too.

Love that. I def think he’s ironically someone who deflects guilt a lot, in a similar way that he compulsively goes "You’re wrong! I don’t care about you guys at all! I’m an asshole!" he flees emotions by making the problem something else that’s fake, a burden easier to bear, he’s so used to being seen for what he’s not after all. I went into it a bit in one of my fics and in a couple meta posts, but when it comes to his wife he was very much like an ostrich with his head in the sand, seeing her fall into a bad mood on the outing before she left him but dismissing it as something "sudden" that’s not worth thinking deeper about. Overdrinking is a problem for future Chil. I think he did a lot of "You want me to drink less and you’re afraid for my health? Get over it lol" and "I should be less strict with the girls and raise my voice less? My father was a strict drunk and look at me, I turned out functional and great! The girls are literally fine and love me" and "Oh? My drinking is affecting our family? No it’s not smh smh get off my back"< Drunk a significant portion of the time he spends at home since he’s off-work and somewhere he can relax. Type of guy to always dismiss any issues that might exists because he prefers ignoring them as if they’ll go away. All his problem solving energy is spent during work and the issue is with his family he already likes things as they are, they’re his comfort zone and change is scary, he doesn’t want the change, even if it’d be better. He doesn’t want to change, his unhealthy habits are guilty pleasures he wishes people didn’t try to make him feel guilty for

BUT POINT IS he struggles with guilt and like. Letting it be a feeling that he gets sometimes, so it’s all bottled up and festers and gets twisted into frustration or such like how his worry usually does. I like this take, wether it’s something he’s already thought a lot about or it’s something he’s repressed that came suddenly pouring out of him like blood out of a wound, now that he’s putting it into words with someone for maybe the first time.

It’s interesting how he didn’t refuse going up to the bicorn, I’m sure part of him wanted to see if it would like him, like the virtue test it is. Would a monster that loves despicable men be magnetized to him? Would it confirm his fears?

[chasedeys]

thinking again it’s kind of crazy how they said ‘like a wedding cake?’ right to ja’marr’s face and expected him to answer with. what. ‘yeah we were practicing’??

[padfootastic]

i am so tired of female characters being inherently written as ‘terrifying’ or ‘scary’ w no respect to their characterisation.

for one, it feels so fake. i know so many women irl (i am one!!!) and there are very few, of any, that i would categorise as ‘scary as is’. heck, even if we go by tempers—the numbers just don’t match.

but somehow in fics, every single woman is a terrifying force of nature bc that’s…somehow…the only way we can think of women? idk?

and also just, it’s such a two dimensional characterisation that i only see w the female characters. all men aren’t angry and hex-happy and scary all the time. they’re affable, chill, respond to situations thoughtfully instead of always resorting to violence.

i think it also bothers me bc the anger thing flows neatly into the v gendered carefree man child/stuck up fun sponge stereotypes that so many relationships are forced into. it’s just an icky dynamic all around.

and lastly,,,i don’t think it’s even normal for a character to be latently terrifying everyone all the time??? unless it’s a specific quirk of theirs??? like women aren’t dementors bro chill tf out

[buckevantommy]

reading tommy pov fic where he refers to evan as 'buck' either out loud or in his head is giving me flashbacks to destiel fic where writers added the extra 's' to cas. i'm not wired for this bs.. *closes tab*

[telesodalite]

Thinking about Krok and his og squad again...

[rainofcolours]

more to worry about (than me) (7348 words)

[ (7/? hierarchy of collapse) | Kaijou/Puppyshipping | hurtcember 2024 Prompt 7: Abandoned ]

Summary: Seto contends that the abandonment of self is justified in his pledge to exchange the blood of his hands for the blood of innocents, a price well worth its weight in gold. Meanwhile, Hirutani finds himself in the company of one with a particularly reckless abandon for violence. (Enjoy the whiplash from sad introspection to unhinged. Just, unhinged.) (Potential triggers in ao3 link)

Click below for a few preview paragraphs!

The palms of his doctor folded in hesitation, worry threading sunken wrinkles long deepened by the tribulations of a life afforded to others. The patient stood before him with resolution that could only be defined by denial; skin faded in reflection of the untold ghosts that haunted his night before, translucence bulged against the friction of bones, gossamer in dehydration. It thrummed, seeming to just barely contain the uneven surges of sluggish amber, poison, yet dissipated; defilement circulating in discolouration, manifesting in the unwilling pull of the neck into the grind of his jaw.

The retreat of limbs under twisted covers; the admonishment of eyes anchored in graves of blue. The unspoken refusal that rang in deafening clarity – a reminder, of a display of will none could contradict.

“Please rest well, Master Kaiba.”

The doctor bowed, the willow of his heart’s intent moderated by the physicality of his age. Seto eyed him until the heavy door of his room softly clicked shut, the unacknowledged humiliation of his transgressions preceding his usual respect for one whose hands guarded the integrity of his physical temple.

That left the presence of two others who still invaded the sanctity of his desired solitude.

(Read the rest of the fic here!)