#such a cute little gem at my uni

[airenyah]

💌 Send this to the twelve nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome. 💌 🥰🥰

Hi dear @airenyah! I miss your Sana Bakkoush header but will recognize your BBS icon and your kind online voice anywhere! 😍 Accompanying this Ask with good wishes for a beautiful springtime day, to one of the nicest people I know who also has a kind and generous heart! 💖

awwwww that's such a sweet thing of you to say 🥺🥺🥺

i saw this ask first thing in the morning after i woke up and it had me all kinds of 🥰🥰🥰

i too miss my sana bakkoush header (she looks so cute in that shot)!! usually i'd just change my icon but this is the first time since i've made this blog a decade ago that i can't change my icon over my header, because otherwise @ranchthoughts and i wouldn't have matching icons anymore and that thought hurts me more than saying goodbye to sana after 7 years 😔💔

[infraaa]

Heyyy, it's me again! I was thinking, With Longan's dominate and evil nature, how would he feel about a innocent & sweet reader whos just the nicest to everyone! (Even a very big and wise dragon) 👉👈 thank you, you're the best! <3

『congrats, welcome back infra to ✨Longan Brainrot©️ ✨ anyways I’m now starting a psychology project on longan which that may or may not be for uni… I’ll post it here maybe. let’s get back to the shit show 😔💅❤️』

longan dragon cookie w an innocent, shy s/o 『gn! assumed』

tw ish // this shouldn’t be new to you but longan is a rude lil fuck, cynically through the roof, so expect some ✨casually thrown insults✨

So… how did you manage to be favored by this one again? We can’t recall. Plays tv static…

Seriously, not when you knew how you attracted this dragon, this dragon that’s hellbent on killing off all cookies. Nevertheless you were spared. You were just a regular cookie…

But even with the constant thought of them being able to snap your neck with a twist of their fingers, you sit comfortably in their palace, roaming around with a certain fuchsia dragon floating along at your side.

You wore their robes that they spared for you comfortably and with grace. Along your neck was a beautiful golden necklace with gems of dark hickory amber and silver.

You were expected to have tea with them. This never bothered you, but every time you thought of them, your cheeks would raise to a gentle rouge. Just yesterday, they blew cigarette smoke in your face, offended by you. But even so, they still raised a dangerous hand to your cheek, gentle touches, soft whispers…

Lychee would often giggle at these often seemingly empty remarks from the great Ivory Dragon, little did the two of you know that this wasn’t just to test you…

You see, Longan secretly enjoyed your shy nature. The way you would react to them intrigued them. You were just a tool to them in their plan and yet… they became mystified by you.

You sat in a chair across from them, a soft blush still adorning your features… on the outside they show barely any emotion.

“Weakling.”

They refused to call you by your name. Yet you answer calmly. You poor thing…

They collected you from your village once after they successfully purged it of those pointless crunchy beings that tried to fight them. Not been Lychee knew why they took you. But they did know one thing.

You were incredibly polite natured. Selfless— submissive, even.

Something that Longan took a guilty pleasure in. Seeing you respond to them and Lychee without question or any defiance. It made them… happy… something they haven’t felt in what felt like decades.

“My robes fit you quite nicely, little weakling.”

Another token of submission to force you down— their robes. They want you to wear them. Ones of silk. Fine embroidery of clouds sewn delicately with intricate fibers… oh, it was beautiful.

They would smile inwardly paying no outward mind to your (cute) annoying whines. Your (delightful) insufferable facial expressions when they would come close. See a part of them wanted to see how far this innocence of yours would keep. How far this niceness of yours would stand.

For as long as they have managed to live for, they knew that such emotions could be feigned— faked. Yet amen they see what seems to be genuine care about their well-being through the abilities of the necklace they forced around your neck as the last thread of your life, they wondered…

‘That little weakling… although they are at most… annoying… they… must be worth something more than just to be a puppet.’

Slowly but surely, Longan opens up like a slow budding flower, allowing you to see a side to them that no other living thing has seen.

Affection. Equality. Equal Loyalty. Care.

It was like a syrup, your sweet nature to their cold, ruthless exterior. And it drove them crazy.

You were to be treated as an equal by the other dragons, and often refused anything less. If they got something, you were to also get that something of equal value.

They loved you. You poor little treasure.

And they showed it in dirty ways… which we won’t get into here, I’ll let your imaginations run wild…~ 🧡😘

[dreaminofu]

who do I go to for some bojere fic recs? my crops are dying etc

Oh you sweet anon, I’m in the same boat with you. Bojere fic posting has slowed down. Hopefully, I can help you even a little in this drought. I have no idea what you’ve read so far on AO3, but sometimes I scroll the Bojan Cvjetićanin/Jere Pöyhönen tag quite far in the hopes of finding something I haven’t already read.

There’re some amazing fics being posted at the moment. Currently I’m obsessed with Do you think we’ll be in love forever? by ate_my_brain and Private landing by tilhi and šepetaj mi koliko me hočeš. Joymuffin recently posted a cute story about the boys meeting for Bojan’s birthday and mitochondriencoctail a fluffy uni AU. EDIT: How could I forget Ugly beautiful that’s still being posted

Maybe consider re-reading some gems like Bridges, Midsummer Madness series, I’m reading you lips, I know what your type is, Dreams taste like you, and falling and falling

These are just some recs so definitely check the other fics from these authors I’ve mentioned! Does anyone have any good recs (or maybe a little ficlet to post 👀) so that this anon can water their crops?🌱

[manasseh]

'23w47 wrap-up

very odd week that started off weird, but it had some gems 🔆

i had to stay awake for all of sunday-monday night for a medical check up. :'). my serb, who i had summoned to keep me awake, slept a soundest of sleeps with my cat while i suffered haha

The new uni block started. I'm only taking Character Design - didn't get the instructor I'd hoped for (a bat shit crazy greek with fire in his teaching) but the other one is a good dude too. It involves everything from backstory and concept art to a 3D bust with some facial expressions. I'm debating between doing a more unique style of my own or an easier more usable anime 3d vtuber style..

I recorded myself doing some figure drawing with a makeshift tripod fashioned out of a big yarn cone and some kind of tool I found in the garage. I'll be wrapping up my first month of learning to draw this coming week and make a little resources master post, as well as a simple video if I can manage :)

My lion moves a bit now, but I haven't been able to spend as much time on it as I'd hoped. I officially own Live2D now though, so I don't have to work around the free trial deadline anymore.

I plucked some randos off the internet to play poGO with this weekend! I cannot seem to convince my friends to play it with me, but I'm meeting more and more people now, both ones I searched for online and ones I run into in the street. Very cute - an older woman leaving the knitting store and a 14 yo boy both joined our raid when they saw us playing. Earlier I'd recruited hordes of nerds to help me get a shadow bird thing.

I also went to a friend's farewell party! Didn't feel like going since I'm more so a plus one than a close friend but I made kimbap and made my serb make a cheesecake so all is well. Also loaded us up with soju and rakiya beforehand which may have helped haha

Kung Fu is going well too. It seems the sifu entered a midlife crisis and the gym members died out a little while I was gone, but it's slowly getting more lively again. I'm finally getting the hang of my form so hopefully I get to do polearms soon 👀

That's about it. Seemed like a super short week, probably because I was sleep deprived for most of it. On to the next!!

[mlmxreader]

HIYA!! Sorry once again for the absence! I feel so incredibly bad but I'm like 1 week out of uni starting and I've been running around trying to make sure everything's been in order 🙃🙃. I promise I will be getting to the Eames and I think it was Bob (?) fics you posted as soon as possible (thank you again, absolute gem you are). And please don't strain yourself! Even if it takes you 1 year for the request or if you don't write them, it's all good! Take care of yourself first 🖤.

About your baby turning 2 years old... I KNOW!! OMG, my eldest pup is turning 7 at the end of the month and I'm like "where the hell did the time go!! Stay a baby, please!!" 😭😭.

Okay now onto the onslaught of questions (please let me know if you'd prefer me to send these in separate asks in the future, lmao):

1. whats your favorite thing to rant/ramble about?

5. knit or crochet?

6. do you tend to have "favorite things"? list some if so (foods, colors, shows, etc)

8. how does it make you feel when it rains?

15. who do you want to hug right now?

16. whats something you really can't understand or conceptualize?

18. whats something you always notice about a person?

21. whats a random piece of advice you want to give?

28. what's one thing on your bucket list?

29. do you prefer playing video games or watch someone else play them?

30. what makes you feel safe?

31. do you pop your joints? (Please, for the love of all things, tell me you don't crack your knuckles 👁👁)

32. what 'childish' habits do you hold on to?

43. whats something positive that changed your life?

44. how do you feel about marriage?

46. something that made you smile recently

48. whats a talent that you have?

50. list some things you are grateful for

Take care, hon, be safe, and enjoy the movies!! Til the next one (hopefully sooner now that life is chilling out a bit, but who knows 🤷🏽).

🖤🖤🖤

🐍anon

hi!!!! my beloved snake anon!!!! that's absolutely no worries, you shouldn't feel bad AT ALL!! I'm pretty sure it was Eames and Bob, yeah, although don't ask me for certain bc I'm terrible at keeping track of things 💀💀 thank you for being so patient, though - it's only taken me a while bc my mental health hasn't exactly been the best at the moment, especially w the extra diagnosis that I got it's been though tbh. but I WANT to write, and that's the problem 😭 heart wants what it wants and the brain goes "nah lmfao get fucked ya cunt".

Red Baron is an adult now and it genuinely feels like only yesterday when he wasn't much bigger than my Xbox controller 😭 he used to be so LITTLE and now he's a proper ball python like 😭😭 SINCE WHEN DID HE GROW UP??? WHO ALLOWED THIS??? he was so teeny tiny, a literal baby, like, he used to fit in the pocket of my cargo trousers and now he can hardly fit in them 😭😭 he's so big, now, it's like he's just suddenly gone POOF! BIG BOY! although I always knew he was going to be on the larger side bc ever since I got him he's been bigger and heavier than the average male ball python for his age BUT I STILL DON'T LIKE IT 😭

OKAY! LET'S GO!

1. WORLD WAR ONE!! and politics.

5. knitted bc my gran makes all my socks by knitting.

6. yeah! my favourite types of food tends to lie w curries, my favourite colours are usually grey (the no.1), as well as brown, black and green, my favourite shows include Downton Abbey and The Boys, my favourite films are all horror films (Cannibal Holocaust my beloved)!

8. I like to stare at puddles and watch the ripples ngl. but if it's been a hot day and suddenly there's a cool rain, ooooh that shit hits the fuckin SPOT every time. itches my brain like buggery. i love it.

15. no one. I don't enjoy physical affection fhfkskfkskg

16. it's something that I've said a lot, but like, this whole trend of filming people in public; like, other than being outright malicious (even if you're doing it to be "kind" or to show "cute" things), like... why the fuck is your first instinct to film people??? not to mention how fucking ableist it is when you consider that a large majority of these videos revolve around people who have some sort of mental health episode in the moment - such as that "that motherfucker is not real" lady on the plane. like, where is your compassion for your fellow man? why are you filming people to mock them, instead of offering a kind and gentle helping hand? like, the lady on the plane was CLEARLY upset and in distress - why did they film her instead of trying to help her?

it's so fucking weird, and dangerous, and it's something that I genuinely fear, like, I don't wanna be filmed in public minding my own business only for some fuckin cunt to be like "lol he thinks he's the main character 🙄" or fuckin "check out this fuckin crazy psycho talking to himself!!" like... idk, maybe I'm out of touch w the kids or whatever but don't fuckin film people in public. I can't wrap my head around why you'd ever do such a thing outside of wanting to be a malicious little freak.

18. how they treat people who are beneath them. be it homeless people, waiters, children, etc. it's something I always pick up on, especially if it's unkind/apathetic/rude/etc.

21. unionise. wherever you're working, unionise. unions won't solve EVERYTHING, but all the same, they are there to protect your rights as a worker. unionise. and talk about pay w your colleagues.

28. I don't really have one, but one thing I'd like to do before I die is go to London and take a piss on Thatcher's grave.

29. I like to play them myself mostly bc I can't fuckin STAND commentary on video games and I also hate youtube.

30. being on my own tbh. when Brian was around, I could go for miles and miles and miles walking and I'd ALWAYS feel safe. but I go walking w anyone else and I still get paranoid.

31. YEP!!! I can crack my knuckles by flexing them, same w my jaw and my left ankle and I do so quite a lot tbf - there's no studies to suggest that the old wives tale that it causes arthritis has any basis, and it's not been proven that there's any negative side effects of doing it either.

32. I don't have any 💀💀

43. tattoos. all 12 of em.

44. I'm aromantic, so I could NEVER see myself getting married tbh bc I don't think there'd be any point in it - I don't believe in monogamy, I don't want to settle down w one person. HOWEVER, if it meant that I could immigrate somewhere or I could fiddle my taxes? I'd absolutely be down to marry a friend platonically.

46. one of the cats at work who hisses and swipes at EVERYONE actually ran up to me and started purring when I scratched his chin and his ears.

48. I can climb trees well enough that I can position myself and hide in them, I can dig VERY GOOD WW1-style trenches, and I am AMAZING at handling and restraining snakes :)

50. snakes. Red Bull. cigarettes. tobacco. the cinema having saver seats for £5 so I got to sit in the same seat every single time for Oppenheimer.

we shall speak soon 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[qqtxt]

Hi~ It’s me, 🍟 !!

I just wanted to say I enjoyed every bit of all the fics for your 500 follower event so far~ And thank you soooo much for writing my requests !! Knowing you wrote them based on what I requested make them extra extra special for me !!

Tbh, I didn’t expect you to follow through my requests😭 And to actually follow YJ for the first bunch of them~ I was totally okay if you thought any other member suit the line better hehe

I also didn’t expect you to take my ldr vibe comment for the “you feel like home to me” line and incorporate it into the fic (home will come home soon). And I enjoyed what you did with my last request with “is that my shirt?” so much !! The whole scenario for the fic (distraction) was very funny, cute, and enjoyable~ And the situation just makes so much sense~ I was anticipating which member you’d pick actually so I didn’t look at your event master list and just waited for the post hehe

Same for the fic with “was that your first kiss?” (perfectly spontaneous) !! I loved how the whole shenanigan of preparing but ending up happening when not planned just makes sooo much sense~ The whole scenario, actions, setting, etc matches with the member so well !!

Plus can I just say I love how heartwarming and vulnerable you made the fics for the lines “you always see the good in people. even me” (cloudy days) and “relationships are built on trust, and i trust you” (anchor of trust) but in like two perspectives of the relationship. One from the s/o and one from the member’s perspective. I just love it cause it just makes sense in a relationship that each one has their days and it shows the vulnerable side of the person and it’s very heartwarming to see the comfort you can get from the other party🥹

Your writing using the lines are for real beyond my imagination !! The fics are so so so good !! I will keep and cherish the fics from my requests very dearly for sure❤️ I must have you know, I’ve been reading each and every fic like they’re part of a playlist HAHAHA

Mci bcp !!! Thank you so very much❤️

Merci mille fois ! Thank you a million times❤️

- 🍟

(PS I can’t believe I have my own little place in your acc as your 🍟 anon OMG🥹 It’s sooo cute and it’s such an honour tbh❤️

Also sorry for the long message but idk how else I could tell you how much I appreciate your efforts and your fics and your acc)

oh my goodness??? where–HOW–WHERE DO I BEGIN IN ANSWERING THIS??? first off, lemme just put a couple of pictures to show you how this message made me feel:

i can't even explain how happy this makes me feel? i just :") reading your message and hearing how it made you feel, what you loved about it, and your thoughts sending it (not that you had expected anything!) and knowing that it somehow met with your expectations or that you've enjoyed it does WONDERS to my heart :"))))

not to mention, uni has been kicking my butt a little bit recently and I'm bouncing back but this definitely takes the cake on making me feel loads better about my writing i am incredibly humbled and floored your honour.

i don't think you understand just how fulfilling it is and rewarding to hear feedback like this? most people just send in requests and that's kind of the end of it (and not that there's anything wrong with that!) but for you to send these requests in, WAIT until i was done with ALL of your requests just so you can come back and write an essay like this THANKING me and sending your regards like this??? DO YOU WANT ME TO MARRY YOU BECAUSE I WILL–

but on a serious note, thank you. i will gladly tattoo this message to my head and remember this on the days i ever doubt my writing. you are truly a gem. and lastly, here's an accurate representation of how i looked like when i saw your message first thing in the morning:

[marblepen]

Yes. This is true.

[annathesillyfriend]

Anna's August Fic Recs

Welcome to my August fic recommendations masterpost!! This has been quite a busy month for me but I'm holding onto last weeks of freedom. I am trying to read as much before uni starts and I had a pleasure of reading some brilliant fics this month. I am so excited to share them with you all! I hope your summer is going amazing and to those, who have just started classes - good luck!

To all the writers - I love you and I appreciate you so much!

To all the readers - please, share the fics you read and love. The reblog really makes the change! It’s the least we can do to show our gratitude.

HOLLAND & Co.

✨ Tom Holland

revenges is sweet by @t-lostinworlds

series, social media au, college!au, football player!tom, fake dating, idiots to lovers, all of our fave tropes, i am invested in this series more than i am in my own life, it's just that good

sunkissed by @duskholland

one-shot, 18+, surfer!tom x lifeguard!tom, exes to lovers, h's great mind at its finest 👏

souvenirs of the heart by @veryholland

one-shot, brought me to tears no joke, such a beutiful story, mila did such an amazing job!!

heartbreak girl by @lauras-collection

one-shot, 18+, lead singer!tom, based on 5SOS song, this is so goooood 😫😫 this story lives in my heart rent free right nextdoor to laura!!

act 1: scene 5 and 6 by @youandtom

one-shot, best friends to lovers, helping tom with learning lines, i loved this very much!

happier than ever by @vendettaparker

one-shot, tom being the great lad he is comes to save an awful date and we stan

the trial of the eldest holland by @reawritesthings

one-shot, ex!tom, welcome to the angst town! this is so deeply heartbreaking but so beautifully written!

lucky to be in love by @hollandsvogue

one-shot, rose is going staright for my silly little heart :')

slide in by @uglypastels

one-shot, frat!tom, i fall in love with this story time and time again

white winged dove by @muhollands

one-shot, 18+, conuntry!tom, insert country boy i love you vine here (also, i'd like to take this moment to kindly invite you all to go through d's whole masterlist cause it's brilliant. this mj blurb has sent me straight to hell but it's so worth it)

abide by @hazofmyheart

one-shot, 18+, mob!au, tom x reader x harrison, this made me feel some type of way 👁👄👁

getting ahead of ourselves by @/hazofmyheart

one-shot, 18+, college! lacrosse player!tom holland x tutor!reader, this is soft, this is cute, this is hot, this is everything! 12/10 would recommend

✨ Harrison Osterfield

little lune by @dovenymph

one-shot, celebrating your birthday with haz, made me want a refund for my birthday cause it's so lovely 🥺🥺

it will come back by @greenorangevioletgrass

one-shot, part of the rich kid!au series, 18+, richkid!haz x richkid!reader x actor!tom, there are no words in any language that would let me express how much i love ava and this au

✨ Harry Holland

wild side by @softholand

one-shot, 18+, best friends to lovers, that trope was made to be written about mister harry holland, i swear

lost in your light by @spider-barnes

one-shot, 18+, best friends to lovers, bloody lovely 💛

falling in love at a coffee shop by @/spider-barnes

one-shot, college!au, oh to fall in love with harry holland at a coffee shop 😫

hope is frightening thing by @peterplanet

one-shot, writer!reader x first da!harry, her book gets a film adaptation and harry is being is wonderful self 🥰

my forever by @unsaidholland

blurb, talking about your future with him, it's just 🥰🥰

circles by @farfromharry

one-shot, rich kid!au, enemies to lovers, so wonderful!

MARVEL

🎂 Suz's birthday fics

this total babe @samwilsons-pillowpecs gave us four beautiful gift on her birthday! we adore you, lovely 🥰 these stories are all wonderful anddeserve their own category 💛

you're the glitter in the dark

one-shot, 18+, mob!bucky

if i could touch you...

one-shot, 18+, boxer!steve

love you in a thousand ways

one-shot, 18+, ceo!sam

miss your kiss

one-shot, 18+, biker!thor

🎂@rodrikstark ’s 1.5k follower celebration!

collecion of headcanons with our favourite marvel boys as well as some other characters, i bloody love them all but my numer one has got to be joaquin teaching you spanish 😌

✨ Sam Wilson

book smart by @indyluckycharlie

one-shot, librarian!sam x PhD student!reader, such a warm and comfy little story by my dearest cate who i love very much 😌

he we go again by @/xbuchananbarnes

one-shot, idiots in love 🥰🥰

adventures in babysitting captain america and winter solider by @princessmisery666

one-shot, reader takes the boys to disneyland and it's just so amazing!

stay awhile by @lacapucharoja

one-shot, black!reader, a saturday morning with sam 😌😌

slow motion by @ambrosiase

one-shot, 18+, sam in baggy grey sweatpants and no underwear, need i say more?

✨ Steve Rogers

bullies, bullied by @anika-ann

one-shot, my main babe is blessing us with protective steve and i love her 🥰

there's a peace in dreaming by @babycap

one-shot, i don't have the words to tell you how stunning this story is, please go read it

✨ Bucky Barnes

timer by @xbuchananbarnes

series, soulmate!au based on the movie TiMER (2009). i could go on and on about how incredible that series is but with dani it's a given, sooo 🤷‍♀️

the kids will be alright by @imaginationintowords

series, social media au, lawyer!bucky x interior designer!reader, single dad!bucky, single mom!reader raising their kid together as friends, also reader x clark kent. honestly this is one of my fave social media aus of all time. and it's got a sequel is coming!!

quick fix by @ocean-bucky

one-shot, tfatws!bucky x ofc, vidra is the queen of ofc's, you simply can't not love her characters!

grant (part 2) by @coffeecatsandsarcasm

two-shot, bucky's in a relationship with a single mom with a little boy, it's so soft, i love this little family!

before sunset, i fell by @buckysbiota

one-shot, modern!au, when i get drunk i get myself cake, when reader got drunk, she got herself a husband. a very fine husband 😏

alcohol you later by @/xbuchananbarnes

one-shot, is it the 4th of dani's fics on this list? yes, she's just that powerful

three flags up by @starbuckie

one-shot, 18+, campcounselor!bucky x campcounselor!reader, best friends to lovers, buck being a cute little puppy in love and i adore him very much

and he kissed me right there by @sunmoonandbucky

one-shot, veteran!bucky, age gap, this is so full of feelings and it's gonna steal your heart!

lost and found by @sunshinebuckybarnes

two-shot, neighbour!bucky, alpine being the matchmaker of the year and we love that for her

hazy dreams and good mornings by @angrythingstarlight

one-shot, 18+, firefighter!bucky, i think that's enough encouragement to read this gem 😏

✨ Joaquin Torres

red by @remmysbounty

one-shot, a truly exceptional story!!

hold my words, keep us together by @/xbuchananbarnes

one-shot, soulmate!au, just simply stunning!

✨Peter Parker

love lies by @rosyparkers

series, social media au, y/n is silk but peter doesn't know it, peter is spiderman but y/n doesn't know it, sarah is the brightest star in the universe and everyone knows it

sunset lovers by @duskholland

one-shot, college! au, soulmate!au where what your soulmate writes on their skin, appears on yours. i don't think i have to tell you that eveything written by h, my beloved is pure gold. the softest thing!

always waiting (for you to come home) by @peterbenjiparker

one-shot, reader comes to peter cause she needs him to patch her up after patrol, it's so funny and sweet and i just love it so much, m is the bestest!!

perfectly a little late by @/t-lostinworlds

one-shot, college!au, reader forgets about peter's birthday. or does she 👀 please, give a round of applause for this wonderful writer who's been feeding us so well this month 👏👏

this fic by @peeterparkr

one-shot, last kiss with peter :') nancy knows all the most beautiful ways to break someone's heart

the plan by @spideyyeet

series, aveneger!reader, reader likes peter, peter likes mj, mysterio shows up, lots of angsty things happen. it's so bloody good, my mates, go read it!!

burning red by @spideyspeaches

one-shot, avenger!reader who who describes people's personalities as colors, it's just a stunning story with wonderful writing and i love it!!

this fic by @mcumendes

blurb, peter brings y/n flowers and is very very adorable!!

kiss me more by @celestialholland

one-shot, first make out with peter and i'm just 😫😫 in love

the reveal by @cloudybarnes

one-shot, best friends!reader where she finds out about him being spiderman, so lovely!!

always by @ptersmj

one-shot, an absolutely adorable best friends to lovers moment

red-handed by @/vendettaparker

one-shot, stark!reader, morgan interrupts y/n and peter's alone time 😏😂

OTHERS

✨ Spencer Reid

as told by flowers by @reidingmelodies

one-shot, story about the progress of the relationship with spencer told by flowers (duh 😂), it's just wonderful!!

✨ Frank Adler

thnks fr th mmrs by @wiypt-writes

one-shot, 18+, reader goes to frank the night before his wedding, i love this with everything i have

will you hold on my love by @writerwrites

one-shot, don't come anywhere near this piece without tissues!!

✨ Ransom Drysdale

undercover boss by @chase-your-dreams-away

series, reader's working at drysdales' company and hooks up with ransom not knowing who he is. this series is so bloody good! i love the reader in here so much!!

a/n: if you catch some kind of mistake or if you see that i miscredited someone - please let me know so i can change that!

[cherrycheridarling]

london boy | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: none just cuteness and concerts

summary: it's your album release and you booked the forum in los angeles for the special occasion. you've invited tom and all his friends to the show and refused to let him listen to the album all day. just in preparation for your performance of london boy.

wc: 1.3k

"You guys have been amazing tonight!" you looked out over the crowd of fans, heart filling with joy. "This next song is track number seven. I wrote this for anyone who, like me, has a very particular type. L.A., this is 'London Boy'!" you announced as the track began to play in your ear-piece.

Tom's attention perked at the name of the song. You'd strictly forbidden him from listening to it for the whole day. Keeping it hidden while recording and only showing him the other tunes you wrote. His curiousity had been eating away at him ever since he heard the title a few months ago.

"I love my hometown as much as Motown, I love SoCal. And you know I love Springsteen, faded blue jeans, Tennessee whiskey. But something happened, I heard him laughing. I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent." you fanned yourself with a smile as you sang.

Tom watched from the balcony. Sam, Harry, Harrison, Jacob, Zendaya and Tuwaine beside him. He smirked when he heard the word 'accent' and Harrison nudged him with a smile.

"They say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives. You know I love a London boy. I enjoy walking Camden Market in the afternoon." a memory flashed behind your eyes as the lyrics left your lips.

"It's beautiful." you observed all the arrays of colours as you strolled hand in hand with Tom down the streets of Camden Market.

While your eyes were set on the miscellaneous items around you, Tom's were set on you. "I'm glad you like it, darling. Look, there's some jewelry." he pointed to a small vendor with a variety of accessories on display.

You began to drag Tom towards them as he laughed at your reaction.

"Hello, kids! How are you today?" the kind elderly lady grinned at the new customers.

"Very well, thank you. How are you?" you smiled back.

"Splendid! What are you two doing here today? First date?" she asked.

Tom and you laughed lightly, "More like fiftieth." he answered as the old woman's smile grew.

"That's lovely! I love young love! So pure and innocent." she looked as if she were recalling memories from her youth.

"I love your jewelry. They're all gorgeous." you admired her work.

Gold and silver objects in front of you. Rings, necklaces, bracelets, pendants, earrings. The woman made them all. A particular ring caught your eye. It had a gold band and it was scattered with different brightly coloured gems. Red, blue, purple, green, yellow. It was jaw dropping.

"Oh, you're too kind, dear."

"I think she sees something she likes." Tom smirked as he watched you pick up the accessory and examine it.

Within minutes, the two of you were leaving the small vendor with a new ring wrapped around your right ring finger. You held up your hand and adored the way the ring glistened in the afternoon sunlight.

"You're doing it again." Tom spoke up making you turn your head to him.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "Doing what?"

"That little smile where you're trying to stop yourself from smiling, but it's there." he chuckled.

Feeling slightly embarrassed you turned your head away from him, "I am not."

He brought your face back to him with his hand on your chin and placed a kiss on your lips. Quick and simple, but it melted your heart.

"It's your American smile, darling. And I love it."

"He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet," your eyes found their way to Tom's, "Darling, I fancy you."

If Tom could run down to that stage and smother you in his love, he would have at that exact moment.

"Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates." you moved your view to look at Harrison, Harry, Tuwaine and Sam who all had shit eating grins on their faces. "So I guess all the rumours are true. You know I love a London boy. Boy, I fancy you." that line brought you back to when Tom first confessed his feelings.

"And I win again! You really suck at this, Holland." you chuckled as you came in first place in Mario Kart while Tom placed fourth.

Tom watched you with a gleeful expression, "I like you. A lot."

Your head snapped towards him at the words. Unsure of what way he meant them in.

"As a friend? Or.." your voice trailed off as you sat against the couch cushions again.

"No, darling. Not as a friend." he chuckled.

Your nerves began to spike. A wave of chills running over you before a smile crept its way onto your face.

"I think the correct term is 'fancy'." you teased him making him laugh.

He nodded with a giggle, "Yes. I fancy you."

You bit your lip to try and contain your grin, but it was no use. The confession sparking butterflies in your stomach.

"Well, in that case. I fancy you, too, Holland."

Tom's mind brought him back to that moment as well before Sam pulled him back to reality.

"I'm going to pretend that she wrote this about me."

Tom snapped his head towards his younger brother, "Don't even think about it." your voice brought his attention towards you.

"And now I love high tea, stories from Uni, and the West End. You can find me in the pub, we are watching rugby with his school friends."

The amount of times that occasion has occurred would be too many to count. From trivia nights to days off of work. The pub was probably your most visited place besides Tom's home ever since you began to date.

"Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride. Babes, don't threaten me with a good time!"

Tom bursted out laughing at the lyric as he remembered the story behind it.

You were cooking in the kitchen when you heard a loud yawn behind you. Tom making his dramatic entrance before wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

"Whatcha making, babes?" his words caused you to freeze before laughter filled the kitchen.

You managed to compose yourself before replying with small laughs, "Did you just call me 'babes'?"

"You know what? I tried something new and it didn't work." he frowned like a toddler.

You cupped his face with your hands, "For the love of all that is good and great in this world, never call me that again." you planted a kiss on his pouty lips.

His hands made their way to your waist, "I should stick with 'darling' and 'love', huh?"

You nodded before kissing him again, "Now, if you don't mind. I am going to finish making breakfast for you and our friends." you turned back to the stove.

"I'll leave you to it, love. Thank you." he began to leave the kitchen.

"Not a problem, babes." you quietly snickered to yourself.

"Hey!"

"You're one lucky little shit." Zendaya teased him.

He nodded slowly, "I really am."

"They say home is where the heart is, but God, I love the English."

Your eyes remained stuck on Tom's as the lyrics left your lips. You could see his smile grow even wider, if that was even possible.

As you finished the track that was solely dedicated to the brunette Brit in the crowd, your eyes moved to his lips.

"I love you."

He mouthed the three words that have been hanging between the two of you ever since your relationship began. Your heart seemed to take a break before picking back up at record speed.

"I love you."

You mouthed back, hoping he could make it out.

His never ending grin was enough proof that he knew what you were saying.

[pochapal]

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking: 

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3. 

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it. 

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with. 

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

[feycien]

i did get a little caught up in the """""real life""""" but sarawat held my hand thru it ,i believe. wait u noticed my absence 🥺🥺🥺 oooh is until we meet again also on youtube ? i'll look up a trailer and firgure it out ! youtube recommended me the trailer of smth called i told sunset about you???? and i really really really liked the trailer so i was planning on watching that next , idk if uve watched that one! or of its out yet?? (1/?)

and ooh i got impacted by it ,for sure ! i think sarawat's whole thing abt not being ashamed of his own feelings (even tho his hesitation to show the video in ep 11 gave me a lot to think abt) was Inspirational. so was tine learning to trust his own feelings too ! A SPECIAL. WHAT IF THEY GET MARRIED. i watched ONE interview w bright in it and cried (idk why i feel like u should have this update too) (2/?)

yes, phukong and mil had a lot of scenes borrowed from sarawat and tine like the makeup remover stuff? ??which seems a little like phukong is simply "filling in"? but also just the fact that mil met phukong as a high schooler who probably wasn't even 18? and mil himself was in second or third year of uni? idk the ease with which he slipped into the boyfriend role felt a little creepy,, they were cute in ep5 of still2gether tho! AND TYPE IS JUST AN ANGRY KITTY AND MAN IS THE NEATEST FREND (3/3)

Until We meet Again is also on yt yes, on the official WabiSabi channel here’s the trailer ! I should warn you though, it’s both the softest and saddest bl I know, and you should look up trigger warmings (suicide) before you get into it. If we’re speaking about amazing bl on YouTube there is also theory of Love (from GMMTV) and Dark Blue Kiss (GMMTV), and He’s coming to me (GMMTV), etc...

I told sunset about you is...a gem. It has that coming-of-age indie feel, a gorgeous cinematography and storytelling and amazing cast. I strongly recommend it yes, arguably the best bl of the year! the first part is out already, the second scheduled for the beginning of next year! tbh there are so many different categories of shows for bl, some just funny and light, other darker, some are just crack.. I told sunset about you is in its own category tbh, alongside “gaya sa pelikula” imo (also on YouTube). You can also check bl shows from Taiwan (the HIStory series) or Philippines ! 

And yessss the character dev in 2gether was so so good!!! and you can cry about brightwin to me I cry about them too! they have so much potential!  As for MilKong yes exactly, they mirrored early sarawatine but if you look at it as Phukong having only his big brother as a model for love then it’s just so cute that he asks for head pats and stuff!!! thankfully they only started dating in college, as that’s not necessarily the case in all shows... as much as there are good stuff, you cans till find problematic stories or shows too that industry isn’t perfect. 

[celtics534]

Holiday Sins

This cute little Muggle AU one-shot came out of nowhere and I figured... after this week's Doom Day chapter some cute fluff would be nice. Huge thanks to @gryffindormischief​ and @thedistantdusk​ for their help with this fic!

Also Read On: FF.net or AO3

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Harry continued to scroll through numerous listings. He was looking for just a simple room, why was it so hard to find one? 

 “Are you sure about this?” Hermione asked for the fifth time in the last hour. Harry had to refrain from rolling his eyes for the fourth time. 

 “Yes, Hermione. I’m sure.” Harry clicked on a link. When then the screen loaded he instantly clicked the back button. That was not someone he had ever wanted to see. 

 “It just feels a bit --”

 “Hermione,” Harry interrupted. “I told you. I just need to get away for a bit.” 

 “Yes, but why not take a week at a hotel in Greece or something?” Hermione slid to the edge of her chair cushion. Her eyes were locked on him like she was staring down a hard math equation. “Why find a random room to rent in the middle of nowhere?”

If Harry was honest, he could just go to some fancy hotel on the island of Crete, but instead, he was looking through different rooms for rent in Scotland. There was no reason or rhyme to his decision, but the desire to get away was too much. There was so much happening in London for him to stay in it, and really, he didn’t want to travel far. He just needed out of fucking London. 

 His ex-girlfriend, cheating ex-girlfriend, was getting married to his ex-roommate. Those fucking pricks! Harry had never been overly fond of his roommate. If Zack hadn't been inches from homelessness, Harry would have turned him away. Alas, though, Harry wasn't heartless. Harry had let Zack into his house. Then one night after a huge fight, Cho (his now ex) had found solace in the arms of Harry’s new roommate. It had taken six months for Cho to admit how she had been sleeping with Zack every time she and Harry fought… and every time Harry was away on business… and any time Harry worked the night shift. 

So Harry had broken up with her, kicked Zack out, and buried himself in work. And now, his boss was refusing to give him any hours for the next month because he’d been working too much. Yeah, he needed to leave this fucking city for a bit.

 “Scotland is nice this time of year,” Harry muttered as he clicked the next link down. 

 “Sure it is, but it’s not really that far.” 

 Harry sighed. “Hermione, I just... “ He couldn’t explain it. When he had been going through the different places on AirBnb and Scotland had just stood out. He had already looked at fifteen different rooms, and none of them seemed right. He didn’t need more than a bed and a place to have breakfast. He planned on going out and wallowing on his own during the day. 

 He scrolled down past a few ominous titles before one caught his eye. Clicking the link, he waited a second for the page to load. The base photo showed off a simple bed and dresser, but as Harry filtered through the other five images his gut told him it was the one. The pond was positioned with the sun setting behind, and Harry couldn’t  imagine himself anywhere else on the perfect autumn nights that were upon them.

 Harry turned the laptop screen towards Hermione. “How about that?”

 Hermione used the mouse pad to look at the options. “I mean… it has a homey  charm to it.” 

 There was no doubting that. The blanket spread across the double bed looked warm and comfy. Perfect for snuggling under with a good book  The kitchen table had a worn look to it. In other words, it was just want Harry was looking for. Somewhere he could be lost to the rest of the world.

 Harry turned the device back towards him. He scrolled down to see the details."It's only ten pounds a night." It was also set in a quiet little village, breakfast was provided, and only one other regular person was on the property. The more he read, the better it sounded.

 "Harry." Hermione paused before taking a deep breath. "Do you want me to feed Hedwig for you while you’re gone?"

 “One scoop for breakfast and one for dinner, please and thank you.”

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 Harry stopped his car at the end of the long dirt drive. He double checked the address he had been given. According to user GMWeasley7, Harry was at the correct location. When the owner had said hidden gem, they literally meant hidden. 

 Shifting into first, Harry started bouncing down the rocky road. The base in the rent-a-car he’d chosen for the trip thumped in time with the bumps. The seven hour trip from London to the quaint village of Hogsmeade had been long but good. It had given Harry a chance to think over the past few months. Between work, Cho, and his personal life, it had been a while since he’d been truly happy. It wasn’t depression, per se, more of an acceptance to not feeling joy. 

 While driving through Bradwall, Harry had reflected on the last time he’d been happy. It had been before all this shit with Cho and Zack, it had been before Sirius had died. When his godfather had passed unexpectedly, Harry had done some rash things such as getting back together with his old uni girlfriend who came to the funeral. Instead of trying to work through his grief, Harry had distracted himself with the idea of a woman… Worst idea ever!

 A large pothole shook the vehicle, as he was forced to make a sharp turn. “This fucking drive needs signs,” Harry mutted under his breath as he steered back into the middle of the dirt road. Trees surrounded both sides of the path, making the natural light of the day disappear.

 After another minute or so the road widened into a decent sized plot of land. It was almost exactly as the photos had shown it. A pond sat with the slowly setting sun behind it. A cute red door marked the entrance of the cottage. Brown cattle fencing divided the rest of the road from the natural land.

 Harry pulled beside the only other vehicle he’d seen in the last hour. Now that he didn’t have to focus on the battered road, he noticed more detail. Flowers sat in little wooden boxes under the windows, a home-weaved football goal sat between two trees, and the little chicken coop sat on the left side of the yard. 

 He slid out of the car, closing the door behind him as he just stared at the house. It was beautiful and just want he’d hoped for. Simple and reclusive. And if this G Weasley bloke was as easy to get along with as he was online... Harry was never going to want to leave. 

 “Hello!” 

 Harry spun at the voice. A woman rolled out from under the Range Rover he’d parked beside. Harry’s heart jumped into his throat. The first thing he noticed was her eyes. A rich deep brown that he could have sworn possible to drown in. His eyes then drifted down to a crooked smile that was all too adorable-yet-threatening, because there was no telling the amount of sass that would spill from those lips. Even her simple black shirt and blue denims looked flawless on her.

 She stuck out her hand, which almost had as many freckles as cheeks. “You must be Harry.” The woman smiled. “I’m Ginny. Welcome to my home.”  

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 Harry had never really traveled on his own. He was typically with a girlfriend or some mates.The idea of traveling alone had always seemed so… lonely. Now he knew that was just a preconceived notion based on what he’d heard. Really, traveling somewhere where no one knew him was freeing. He didn’t worry about his messy hair (not that he had much of choice with his genes) or feel self conscious when he tripped over his own feet.  

 Or at least he wouldn’t have worried about any of that if his host wasn’t so bloody alluring. He couldn’t help but try to flatten his hair every time she waved at him. And don’t get him started on the number of times he’d tripped over his feet because he was distracted by her. Just the other day he stuck his elbow in the butter dish because he had been distracted by the way her tongue stuck out of her teeth while she was focused on flipping the fried eggs.

 In other words, Harry was ready to lock himself in his room for the remainder of his visit to avoid doing anything completely, unforgivably embarrassing. Except Ginny had taken to inviting him for walks, and to sit and chat with her while she made dinner. And she was entirely too interesting for him to pass up any opportunity to be with her. 

 The way Ginny told stories about her uni days, family, old football club, really anything, held Harry’s attention. She explained to him she was a writer by trade, but was helping her mother with the renter business for a bit. Harry could tell the tale of why Ginny was hosting was sadder than most. Everytime Ginny mentioned the business (which in turn meant her mother), her brow would furrow and her eyes would dim. Every time it happened, all Harry wanted to do was reach out and hold her hand, maybe pull her into his arms. Fortunately, his body didn't follow orders from his frontal cortex on those instances. 

 Just lying about the fire on a stormy day was entertaining to him. Ginny had plucked a random book off her shelf and started reading it aloud. However, Ginny didn’t just read the acts of Romeo and Juliet, she performed them -- in poor accents. 

 She had started off simple, flicking to a random passage and read a portion in some foreign accent. First had been Irish (it was odd to Juliet to declare her love in such an unusual timbre), then Scottish and now she was on American. 

 “O serpent heart hid with a flowering face!” Ginny raised a hand high into the air, “Did ever a dragon keep so fair a cave? Beautiful tyrant, feind angelical, dove feather raven, wolvish-ravening lamb! Despised substance of devinest show, just opposite to what thou justly seemest” — her hand came down and wiped across the empty air as if casting a spell—. “ A dammed saint, an honourable villain!”

 Harry snorted back his laughter. “I am literally from the home of Shakespeare and you read his work in an American accent?” 

 Ginny’s mouth fell open as she gasped dramatically. “Thou haveth no imagination, eh Potter?”

 This time Harry couldn’t hold back his amusement. His cheeks hurt from how wide his grin had become. “Trust me, I have a vivid imagination.”

 “Oh?” Ginny leaned forward in her chair, the book closing in her lap. “Pray tell! What have you been dreaming of?” 

 Harry’s mind drifted back to his dream the previous night. It had been him and Ginny by the pond. Ginny had claimed to be cold and that she needed Harry to help warm her. The way her hands had moved under his jumper… he could feel the heat spreading across the back of his neck. 

 “Oh, you know—” Harry cleared his throat. “I think I’m gonna turn in.” He stood from the sofa, hoping the blush hadn’t spread any further. 

 Ginny looked disappointed. “Oh well, then I shall leave you with a parting message.” She opened the book flicking through a few pages until she found the passage she was looking for. “Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.” She looked up from the pages, her teeth showing in her wide smile. “Good night, Harry.”

 Harry felt as if air rushed from his lungs... as if her smile had knocked the wind out of him like a sucker punch. “Good night, Gin.” He hoped he didn’t start having dirty dreams in Old English … 

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 “So, Potter, what’s your story?” Ginny rose up onto her elbows, her long red hair falling down her back like a waterfall. Harry hadn’t been able to take his off her the entire time they been out relaxing around the pond. The weather was what autumn was known for. A slight chill but the sun still giving the day warmth. The perfect old pair of denims and a light jumper day. Instead of working on home maintenance, that she had planned for, Ginny had asked Harry to come lay about the pond, something he had been more than thrilled to do. 

 “What do you mean?” Over the past few weeks, Ginny had interrogated him better than some of his fellow MET detectives. He had already told her about his piss poor childhood and all about Sirius. What more could she want?

 Ginny rolled her eyes at him, her smile countering the show of annoyance. “I mean, why did you decide to book a month in the middle of nowhere? People don’t come up here unless they’re on the run or running from something.” She quirked an eyebrow at him. “So which is it for you?”

 Harry let out a small laugh. “Well, as an officer of the law being a fugitive is frowned upon.”

 “So that leaves running from something.” Ginny’s eyes narrowed as she observed him as if she thought she could read his mind. After a few seconds, a self-satisfied smirk formed on her lips. “It’s an ex, isn’t it? She broke up with you?”

 For a moment, Harry considered changing the topic but there was something about Ginny that made him willing to talk about his least favorite topics, such as she-who-must-not-be-named. He sighed, sitting up and turning his body so he was fully facing Ginny. One free hand feeling around the fallen leaves they sat on. “I broke up with her actually, after I found out about her cheating on me with my roommate.” 

 Ginny’s jaw dropped, her body copying his position. “No fucking way! What a bitch!”

 Harry nodded. “Yeah and now they’re getting married. Actually,” he went through his mental calendar, “I think they got married yesterday.”

 If it was possible Ginny’s jaw got closer to the ground. “Harry,” her voice was soft as her hand reached out and clutched his. “I’m sorry for bringing it up, I didn’t think -- I mean, I tend to put my foot in my mouth, but this is extreme even for me.” 

 Harry shook his head, his focus divided between her words and the way her thumb kept brushing along his. “It’s fine. I mean it sucks and I never plan on speaking to either of them again but.” He shrugged his shoulders.

 Ginny’s nose scrunched as her lips curled in indignation. “No, that never should have happened. You’re too --” Her mouth moved without words coming out. She shut it, her eyes blazing like a bonfire. “You’re too good for her.” 

 Warmth spread from his chest through his entire body. Hermione had said the same exact thing, but hearing it from Ginny…  It was different, in a good way. He wanted to tell her how much it meant to him, but his mouth was never talented at expressing his feelings. So instead of the heartfelt speech he’d wanted to give her, all his traitorous mouth did was grin stupidly at her. “Thank you.”

 “Well, I mean it.” Ginny’s eyes held his in that intense inferno. Harry felt as if he was getting lost to the rest of the world, and he didn’t mind it for a moment. 

 Harry wasn’t sure how long they remained in silence, both seeming content in just watching the other. It was Ginny who made the first move. Her lips quirked in a mischievous smile. “So, I don’t know if you noticed but you left your book on the sofa last night. I didn’t take you for a romance bibliophile, Potter.” 

 Now it was Harry’s turn to have his jaw hit the ground. “W - What!?”

 “A Pound of Flesh, sounds scandalous!” 

 Harry took a handful of the dead leaves and threw it at her adorable laughing face.  

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 “So what’s the plan for today?” Ginny asked as she scrubbed the frying pan clean. They had just finished breakfast and now she was cleaning up the dishes. Harry took the clean but wet dish from her, using the towel to dry it. He hated dishes, but for some reason he kept offering to help her in the morning routine. It was either a sign of his continued journey of maturation, or evidence of the lengths a boy will go to when he fancies a girl. 

 “I was thinking about checking out that village down the road.” Harry checked for any remaining water droplets before putting the pan away. 

 Ginny nodded. “Hogsmeade is a cute place to go. Actually.” She turned off the water before reaching for a different towel. “I need to go get a few things. Why don’t we go together?” 

 Harry nearly dropped the final plate he was drying. His mind started working in overtime as he gently placed the plate down. Harry had always had a rather strong imagination when it came to women. And at that moment, his mind was concocting an image of Ginny pulling him aside near   a little shop because she was just so turned on by his suave and generous company that she couldn’t help but snog him. 

 “Harry?” Ginny’s voice and hand waving in front of his face brought him back from his daydream. “If you’d rather be alone --”

 “No!” Harry’s voice became way too loud. He cleared his throat. “No, it would be great to have the company.” 

 Ginny beamed at him. “Great. I’ll go get changed.” 

 Before Harry’s brain could pull away from the image of Ginny changing -- and perhaps him coming in to help -- one slender arm came around his neck. Ginny’s body was warm against his as her lips grazed his cheek in a chaste kiss. Harry thought he was about to explode . Fortunately, Ginny backed away from him before he did something stupid. 

 “I’ll be back in a minute.” 

 Harry sat down hard in the kitchen chair. Oh he was in trouble!

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 “So that’s when Ron screamed at the top of his lungs.” Ginny let out a laugh that seemed to warm the autumn chill. “And he ran straight into the pipe.”

 Harry joined in laughter. “Ron sounds like a real character.” 

 “That’s one way to describe him.” Ginny paused at the street intersection, waiting for the road to clear. “That’s how you could describe all my brothers.” 

 Harry glanced at her. They had been walking around the different village shops for a few hours, and he never wanted it to end. Normally he’d rather gouge out his eyes than spend the day shopping, but Ginny made it fun. Between her stories and challenge to race on toddler bikes, Harry wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was completely smitten by his cheeky redheaded host. 

 This trip was supposed to be him rediscovering himself… instead, all he wanted to discover was how Ginny’s lips tasted.

 When the final car crossed the intersection, Harry and Ginny started moving at the same moment. As his hand swung forward, it brushed against Ginny’s. He could feel the little scar he’d noticed on her knuckle against his skin. Just from her slight touch, goosebumps ran up his arm. He was like a lovesick teenager, and his heart felt lighter than it had in ages. 

 Harry tried to focus on the road but his gaze dropped to her hand again. Because he was so distracted, he didn’t mind the gap between the pavement and road. He tripped over the street, and would have eaten cement if Ginny hadn’t caught him around the waist.

 “Woah there!” She laughed lightly. “I’m not opposed to men groveling at my feet, but I’d rather it be without a broken nose.”

 Harry could feel his face heating. “Guess I should have watched where I was walking.” 

 “Maybe. At least when there is a chance of getting run over.” Ginny released him, disappointing his inner lovesick puppy. She pointed over at the local tavern. “Care for lunch?” 

 “Sure.” Harry kept his focus on the pub. He refused to trip again because he couldn’t stop looking at Ginny. 

 He kept his resolve until he felt that little scar against the back of his again. He couldn’t not look down. They way they’d paced themselves, their hands kept skimming against each other. Harry took a deep breath. He had to try it, he’d regret it if he didn’t. 

 Taking a deep breath, Harry slowly scooted his pinky to link with hers. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ginny’s head look down at their hands before looking back up. 

 “Took you awhile to take the hint, huh Potter?” Her words made him stop dead. She froze with him. When he looked at her she was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

 “Take the hi—” Harry was sure this was another dream. There was no way she had been —

 Ginny fully gripped his hand, pulling him towards the side of a building. “I’m a pretty good host, but I’ve never been one to give out a deluxe package…to anyone but you.” Her free hand came up to run along the back of his neck.

 Harry thought his mind might explode. There was nothing for it. He leaned down and connected his lips with hers. The fingers on his neck slid up into his hair. He was the first one to pull back, his forehead coming to rest on hers. 

 Her eyes were alight with mischief as her smirk became coy. She released his hand and ran her fingers along his jawline. “Thus with a kiss I die.” And just like her dramatic proclamation, she moved her hand over her chest before falling back against the stone wall of the shop. Her eyes closed.

 Harry snorted. “Really?”

 Ginny slowly opened her eyes. This time when she spoke she used her poor American accent. “Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.” 

 “Well, if you insist.” Harry followed her instructions, his hand coming to rest on the wall as he leaned back over her. He had a full head of height on her, so connecting her lips to his took some maneuvering, but it was worth every second of the geometry puzzle.

 When Harry could finally tear himself away from her, he spoke in a husky tone.“I have another week of holiday time saved up, and I’d love to book a room with you again.”

 Ginny nuzzled his nose. “I think that can be arranged. How do you feel about having a roommate for a few nights?” 

[nikatyler]

Theo Wilde for @tashsim‘s Rocky

This is what happens when I fall down the rabbit hole of classic literature memes.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

After studying literature in college, Theo moved to Forgotten Hollow to feed his undying obsession with all things dark and mysterious. When he’s not hanging out around the graveyard and taking creepy (and lowkey inappropriate) pictures, he’s at home playing the violin, reading classics or writing poetry. His roommates from uni say that the poems of the kind Theo writes are dead - well, they think that about poetry in general (”you uncultured swines, after all we’ve been through, how dare you?!” - Theo). This young gentleman however believes that if that’s the truth after all, he has the power to bring it back to life. Time will tell.

Theo is a good listener, but he loves talking too. Once it’s his turn in the conversation, he will ramble for long minutes, often forgetting what the original topic was. But hey, he has a lot of interesting things to say, it’s fine. People love him for that, as long as he doesn’t start whining about some philosophical topics like life or death (which...he actually does a lot). He tends to overreact. If a little thing throws him off, he will respond inadequately without thinking about it much. Screaming, crying, you name it, he can get very emotional.

Oh, by the way? His neighbours are pretty interesting. They might be vampires, but Theo is still not a hundred percent sure. He’s getting all the evidence. Not to expose them, no (come on, they’re friends, and after all it would be cool if they actually were vampires!). He has an idea about a horror novel inspired by them, but you didn’t hear that from me.

Lately, Theo’s life has become so repetitive and lonely. He feels like his recent poems suck. He’s run out of inspiration. Ah, a tragedy! A BC might be exactly what he needs to spark things up a little bit. And well...Rocky is cute...and uhh...yeah, Theo might already have a poem about him. Will he get a chance to tell him?

Fun Facts:

23 years old

Hasn’t told anyone yet he’s gay

So yeah this is his way of coming out! Surprise surprise!

Literally has no chill

His mum died when he was a child and he’d rather avoid his dad

Always tells people he has a ~ tragic ~ past not worth talking about but guess what it’s not that tragic 

Except for his mum passing away, that was terrible and we are not going to make fun of that

Says “I was born to a wrong generation” too often

Someone get this boy a time machine so he can go hang out with his 19th century faves please

People don’t believe Wilde is his actual surname because they know it would be right up Theo’s alley to change it

But it IS actually his surname

Spends a lot of time in antiquarian bookshops and often finds real gems, the older the book the better, doesn’t matter that it’s falling apart

Acts all gloomy and brooding but he’s actually just a soft nerd with a heart of gold who has a lot of passion for the books everyone hated to read in high school

Oh and I almost forgot, he loves flowers

Gloomy | Childish | Art Lover | Bestselling Author

After seeing someone ask about skills, I gave him some too, even though I never do that with my BC contestants. He’s level 5 in Violin and Writing, level 2 in Herbalism and level 3 in Vampire lore, if I remember correctly.

And yeah, I can’t get enough of edits of that one RoM hair. It’s pure perfection.

TOU: You know the drill. Don’t claim as your own or reupload and don’t change his features. Feel free to change his clothes, hair, use your own defaults etc.

Private download if chosen.

[readermagnifique]

Anne with an E Season 3 finale!

Spoilers.

Good grief I am in LOVE!!!

I want to have a character on this show for the sole purpose of having a bisexual affair with Winnie Rose, no I am not taking constructive criticism at this time.

Josie Pye counting the hours until she can get away from all the whispers and snide comments that she is definitely still getting, and probably mostly from her parents broke my heart she deserves to fly they all do.

Ruby is still a little gem and I love her.

Shirbert Part I: They are so proud of each other, look at those cute grins.

Moody still holds the title of best awkward comments.

"Congratulations"

"Congratulations"

You poor dumb dumb babies I love you both.

Miss Stacy is the best you can't change my mind. Potato lightbulbs forever indeed.

"7 days until we spread out wings and soar" Tiny babies, we stan.

"It's your future, not theirs"

"It's not your future, it's ours!"

This next scene was heartbreaking.

The Barry's were getting better and I hate them again now.

Matthew Cuthbert you are a cute potato and your one (1) flaw in life is pushing people away to protect them. We stan.

Mummy Lacroix learning to be softer is what I am here for!

Shirbert Part II: Beautiful! Sublime! This letter was everything we've been wanting to hear since day 1. Also definitely breaking his promise to Winnie to not say ANYTHING about not being engaged for 2 weeks, but we'll let it slide because you're cute as a button, and the pen mention at the end was the cherry on top.

I honestly expected her to completely miss the fact that the letter was even there. Never expected her to rip it, and was even better when she ran around trying to find the pieces, and GOT IT COMPLETELY WRONG! You are the most adorable tiny human, and this had me shaking my head not knowing whether to be frustrated or laughing.

Diana being almost catatonic at the idea of her future broke me. It is not being talked about enough, this was heartbreaking.

"I can't fly"

"My poor Diana, they've clipped your wings" This was beautifully tragical, and so so sad. Dalila Bela was phenomenal in this whole episode - more on that later.

Marilla being the best Mum. She has grown so much and she is the sweetest. This whole episode she was a damn star! I love her! She's done a complete 180° from where she started, from big things like being kinder and more open with those she loves, to small things like making a dress with beautiful, most definitely expensive, blue velvet for her girl.

Elijah redemption arc - I love a redemption arc, and they are the hill I will die on thanking you. And Bash learning to forgive him and allow him into his daughter's life - this was inspired, thank you Moira!!!

Marilla talking the Barrys round to the idea of Diana's desire to control her own life not being a selfish one was beautifully done. Just her being careful and considerate as she has always been at her core.

Miss Stacy and Anne both giving beautiful presents to each other - and MISS STACY WRITING KINDRED SPIRITS ON THE FRAME WAS SPECTACULAR!!! And her conversation about happiness was so sweet and caring, and mentioning depression in her own way did anyone else notice this?

Marilla being so excited about letters of Anne's past, and putting Matthew straight, just like he did earlier in the series.

Matthew crying; I can't cope with it. End of discussion, couldn't deal. He's too sweet.

Elijah is going to be such a good big brother now he's doing his best.

Anne packing away her room; so beautifully filmed, and so bittersweet. She has loved this little room more than anywhere else, and it's lovely.

Jane and Josie are friends again? They're stood together in the line, and no snide comments. They smile to each other while the matron was talking. Was there a deleted scene or something? Can someone write their reconciliation as a one shot? I want to see Jane learn like Prissy exactly what her family is.

Anne is definitely going to learn sign language, I will place good money on those odds. Just you watch her.

Somehow the matron reminds me of the librarian in Monsters University?

Anne putting her necklace on the bed meant for Diana.

The girls being excited and giggling in pure delight with each other, dancing and carefree, away from the small minds of their town. Beautiful and inspirational, and most of it is down to Anne, you cannot change my mind.

Miss Stacy screaming in excitement for Gilbert going to Uni! His yelling with her!

Mummy Lacroix learning from her son to help him forgive his own stepson. Redemption arcs all around in the Lacroix farm.

Siblings united at last. Mary would have been the happiest woman to see this.

AUNT JO! MY ULTIMATE FAVOURITE!!! LIFE GOALS!!! I LOVE HER!

Can we all just appreciate that Cole has been at art school carefully studying and perfecting the Gay Artist Walk™ and he is doing so well? The hips. The hands. Look at that beautiful carefully learnt carelessly elegant flounce! That is Growth.

Jo calling Marilla Anne's mother and how happy it makes her.

ANNE'S PRINCESS MOMENT! THAT DRESS! I CAN'T EVEN! ABSOLUTE PERFECTION!!!

Anne is the bravest of women, so strong, and all of those closest to her know this.

Cole and Jerry are the best brothers, you cannot prove this wrong.

Anne takes that moment to break apart on one that she trusts with her life, and one who she knows trusts her with his, and then just as quickly pulls herself back together again and carries on. She just needed that moment, and he knew to give it to her.

The cows are Pride and Prejudice and this is fantastic.

Matthew you adorable bean, and I cannot cope with you tearing up twice in one episode.

Anne with her dress, and gloves, and parasol. Mesmerising.

Mrs Thomas is hilarious.

"They were SCOTTISH!"

"He's DEAD! You know that." Cracking up laughing.

I want to know who Katie was? This is the second time she's been brought up. The imaginary friend who lives in glass cabinets. Other than that we know nothing, and I need to know more.

The book.

I want to have a character on this show for the sole purpose of having a bisexual affair with Winnie Rose, no I am not taking constructive criticism at this time.

I fully and completely believe that after they sorted out the fact that neither of them had any idea what the other was bloody talking about, Anne and Winnie are pen pals, and they're going to chat about Paris and Uni and become good mates. I am here for Anne's respect for other women, and you know for a fact that she has never said or thought a bad word about Winnie from day one, because none of it has ever been her fault. And Winnie has been understandably angry, but once she stops hurting over Gilbert (and has a bisexual affair with me that is definitely going to happen I swear) she will be happy to call Anne a friend, because she has always been loyal to her friends and never made a move on her man while he was hers, even when drunk and looking gorgeous after the exams.

The train. How amazing was every scene on this damn train. Diana going to Uni, hearing about Gilbert not going to Paris and not engaged, but also not going to queen's and definitely not sorting things her friend and this is unacceptable??? Her face??? Incredible!!!

Anne running in that dress is a vision.

Diana's face as she sits in the chair opposite Gilbert. And he smiles politely and has to do a double take because the FuRy??? Of this girl??? Phenomenal.

I am always here for whenever Anne has her hair down.

Diana going HARD for Anne. On a public train. Fully laying in to the smartest and dumbest boy in her class.

Diana is a wonder, all she needed was friendship with an unlikely redheaded orphan brat to unlock her imagination, and that redheaded orphan is the girl who has saved her from misery and drudgery and brought colour into her life, and she deserves so much better than the confusion Gilbert has been giving her this whole time and Diana is throwing EVERYTHING at him and I am here for this ride or die friendship!!!

"DIANA WHAT LETTER???" THE URGENCY THIS POOR BOY!!!

This running montage was perfection, then the silence just as they saw each other. Majestic.

That gentle hand on her cheek, asking permission, then the kiss.

And then Anne Shirley Cuthbert does the most Anne Shirley Cuthbert thing and pinches herself to check it's real.

And Gilbert So-Smart-And-So-Dumb Blythe still had to check that she loves him as much as he loves her and both of these reactions are the most valid thing I have ever witnessed.

And that second kiss; Anne "If I wanted to kiss a boy, couldn't I just, kiss him?" Shirley Cuthbert going for it, I am here for it on every level, I hope it's within the correct timespan for visiting suitors, because you're definitely not in the parlour Anne!

Anne not even getting mad that he's leaving just after he kisses her, she is so understanding what a damn angel.

And Gilbert desperately trying to reassure her before he has to run off again. That hand kiss, I am swooning over their romantical notions, the pair of them!

"DiANA???"

"Can I still be your roommate?" Look at this baby, with her witty quips and dramatic entrances! I adore that Anne has found a home among people who are just as dramatic as she is.

Mr Barry redeaming himself somewhat - "Take the carriage! Run boy! Accomplish your dreams!" He's learning, it's all we can ask for. Maybe next season I'll begin to like you again.

That hop out of the carriage, the return of the flirty eyebrows, that kiss; Mr Blythe! Straight out of a romance novel! He knows how to put his romantical notions into action.

"I have follow up questions."

Marilla and Matthew running with the book! The book itself! Mummy Shirley had red hair!!! Baby Anne's First Picnic!!! "Their handwriting looks like mine." !!!

"You are a wish come true, I never knew I was making" Marilla tear my heart out why don't you?!?!

Dear Gilbert I look like my mother.

This was a phenomenal, perfect ending to this series, we were not only fed, but giving a ten course meal, thank you Moira!!! Only thing I could have wished for was more Jerry, because he is a tiny baby, and more ka'kwet. Also the brutal and gruesome death of Billy Andrews would have been a nice bonus, but I'm happy to wait until season 4 that is definitely going to happen.

Now just give me a character on this show for the sole purpose of having a bisexual affair with Winnie Rose. Jo and Gertie 2.0! Meeting in a Parisian bookshop! Yes please!!!

[etudier-avec-bella]

My First Term at University

Hello! If you’ve been following me for a while, you may have noticed that this blog has been pretty dead for the past few months. Like, literally no new posts have gone up from me since results day. Yikes. Where have I been, and what’s been going on? That’s what I’m here to clear up. Because I have a lot to talk about.

I am going to be touching on three main topics: Life at York, my course and how I’ve been studying, and- finally- my mental wellbeing.

So, grab a hot drink, get cosy, and prepare for what is possibly the longest piece of writing I’ve ever produced in my life. Seriously. It’s huge.

**Disclaimer: In no way is this post supposed to reflect the ‘real’ life of the average student at York, nor am I making any comment on the quality of education or student life at York. I am aware that I’m extremely lucky to be a student on one of the best Chemistry courses in the country, and this post is simply detailing how I found the transition from living at home to living independently as a university student. York- I love you. Even if you weren’t my first choice, I am so glad I ended up here. I’ve met some wonderful people and learned so many incredible things just in this first term alone. Please don’t take this post as me hating on York or something, because I really, really don’t lmao**

Life in York

Let’s kick things off by talking about what it’s like to live in York!

Contrary to what I initially assumed about moving to a university in the middle of the countryside (i.e. that there would be nothing to do), York is a beautiful city, and I’m so excited to get better acquainted with it over the next three years.

The high streets here are jam-packed full of hidden gems- I seriously think that you could go to a different coffee shop every day for a year, there are so many of them dotted around. I’ve loved being able to wander around and see where my feet take me, and there’s always somewhere new to discover; bookshops, cafés, museums, the castle walls, art exhibits, concerts… Oh, my!

Some of my favourite places that I’ve discovered so far are:

●      Drift-In- my favourite little coffee shop! It’s never too busy if you go before midday, making it the ideal place to crack out some work in a more relaxed studying environment. They also offer a 10% student discount, and have a wall of polaroids of the dogs who have visited the café. Incredible.

●      Lucky Days- the perfect place to take your friends for lunch! They also do really good cakes if you ever feel like treating yourself after submitting an assignment.

●      The Little Apple Bookshop- There are lots of cute little indie bookshops on the road leading to the art gallery, but I think that this one is my personal favourite. Stock changes frequently, so it’s worth popping in every once in a while, and they have classic novels at much lower prices than the likes of Waterstones (for all of you English Lit students out there!)

As for the University Campus, it’s similarly wonderful. The River runs right through Campus West, making itself home to lots of ducks, geese, and other waterfowl. We also have wild bunnies outside the Biology greenhouses, and I always see them hopping around in the dark when I walk home from my French classes. Campus West isn’t too big- you can walk from one side to the other in about 15 minutes- so the student community is super tight-knit. I have friends from loads of different colleges who I’ve met through mixers, societies, and my classes, and it’s really easy for us to link up and do stuff together because we’re all so near to each other.

There are also some pretty cool places on campus, if you don’t feel like leaving to go to the city centre- the Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall are always putting on lunchtime concerts with cheap tickets for students, which is a nice way to wind down after working all day AND show support for the music students, and there’s also a student-ran supermarket in Wentworth College called Scoop, where you can bring your own containers and buy spices/grains/pasta in bulk for much cheaper than you can in other similar supermarkets. Scoop also sell boxes of locally-sourced produce, making it easy to support small businesses on a budget!

Honestly, there are still lots of places on campus that I’m yet to visit. Whenever I get fed up of working, I like to go for a little 30-minute walk to the other side of the university grounds and see what I can find (there’s a really lovely garden behind Derwent College, it has a big stately manor house and lots of fancy greenery). It’s a nice way to get some fresh air and change up the scenery when I get stir-crazy from being in my room for so long.

My Course/Studying

As many, many people have told me in the past- university-level Chemistry is hard. And you know what? They were right. However, I like a challenge as much as the next overachiever, and as a self-confessed science nerd I’ve got to say… My course is a dream.

I know I’m only one term into my first year, but the way I look at basically everything around me has already changed so much. The fundamental knowledge you gain just from first module covers all of the main bases, and I’ve found that the way I think about and approach scientific problems is already very different to the way I would have looked at them during my A-Levels. You’re encouraged to think a lot more openly, and apply relatively basic concepts to solve really tricky problems instead of just learning the answers to a syllabus- it’s a great chance to utilise your all of your skills.

In terms of how I’ve been studying, not a lot has changed. My exams don’t carry any real credit this year, but I’m still aiming to achieve high grades. Over the Christmas break, I’ve been focusing a lot more on resting rather than working- so I whilst I haven’t done a LOT, the revision I’ve done has been productive. I still use flashcards and Quizlet, but I’ve recently introduced summary posters onto the scene as well, which has been working well for me. I’ll make a post on how I make these in the near future!

Overall, the first term has been pretty good academically. I feel stretched and challenged, and things are at a manageable level of difficulty. Which brings me onto something that has not been at a manageable level of difficulty this term…

My Wellbeing

Mental health. Something of a taboo topic within the study community. It’s something we all will deal with, and something most of us will struggle with to some degree at times. So, why don’t we talk about it more?

I won’t go into super deep, personal detail in this next section. Mostly because there are some things I’m not comfortable with sharing on the internet. However, I do think it’s important for me to use my small platform of followers to talk about my own experiences and attempt to tackle the stigma about being a student and struggling with mental health, so I am going to be as honest as I can about what’s been going on.

Before coming to university, I was already having a difficult time with my mental health, and had been for a few years. This summer was a particularly bad one for me. A-Levels left me completely exhausted, results day was a bit of a sticky one, and thinking about life as I knew it coming to an end was terrifying. I knew that, once I moved to uni, I was going to feel even sadder, lonelier, and more out-of-place than I already did. And I had no idea how to deal with it.

I believe that one of the biggest contributing factors to my sudden and sharp decline in mental wellness after arriving in York was the fact that, even two months later, I still hadn’t gotten over my Durham rejection. Ignoring my initial disappointment was a bad idea, though I didn’t know it at the time.

As someone who has been a high achiever their entire life, rejection and failure aren’t things I’m used to dealing with at all. Not on this scale, at least. Academics was the one thing I could always rely on, the one thing underpinning all of my successes. The one thing within which I had manifested almost my entire personality. Before, I was always Bella, the smart one. Bella, top of the class. Bella, the straight-A student; set to do great things; capable of going anywhere… But, now, here I was. Bella, just got rejected by her dream university.

Trying to settle into student life with a completely secure sense of self is hard enough- trying to settle in whilst struggling to cope with all of these new, conflicting feelings? It was so, so difficult. WAY more than I would ever admit to in real life. Stupid me was too proud to admit that I was upset to ‘only be going to my second choice’ so I told friends, family, and everyone else that I was perfectly happy to be going to York instead of Durham, and that I wasn’t sad about it at all.

(I want to clarify that I am in NO way trying to diminish the hard work and achievements of anybody who got into their second choice university, or anybody else who got into York. Only now have I realised that it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and if anything you should be proud that your efforts got you into whichever school you ended up in. I’m just sharing with you all how much I struggled to accept this rejection, and how it affected my mental health).

I knew people who had gotten in, and I saw them posting on Instagram about matriculation and other social events at the university. This completely broke my heart. I was happy for my friends who were studying there- they worked hard and more than deserved to be there… but I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I wanted to be there with them. The place that I had worked so incredibly hard to receive an offer for.

Although it’s embarrassing to admit, I did actually cry a bit after seeing these posts. I didn’t know how to process my feelings, because for those first few weeks after rejection I absolutely refused to let myself mope (looking back, I’ve got no idea why I did that. Wtf Bella?). I was determined to be strong about it and try to force myself to be happy with the situation I found myself in- despite the fact that, deep down, I knew it wasn’t where I wanted to be. Not at first, anyway. Pair the bittersweet pain of first-time rejection with my consistent struggle with self-esteem and low moods… Things got ugly fast.

If I had to put a finger on when I started to feel things getting really bad, I’d trace back to somewhere near the first month mark. Freshers week, whilst it felt awkward and drawn-out, wasn’t too bad in terms of my mental wellbeing. I think I was so caught up in trying to adjust to this crazy, new life I had that I didn’t have a lot of time to stop and wonder how I was feeling. Those of you who also struggle with mental health issues will know that they never really go away. They always at least linger in the background, if they aren’t in the forefront of your mind. So I suppose you could say that I felt my strange, healthy-but-unhealthy version of ‘normal’.

I hadn’t yet adapted to life as a York student, but that wasn’t much of a concern at this point. It takes a long time to adjust to change, and I had only been there for a few days. I thought I just needed to wait it out. But, after the first few weeks passed by, I started to notice something weird.

I still didn’t feel settled in. In fact, I didn’t feel like I was there at all. Nothing felt ‘real’. After years of dreaming and wondering what life would be like at university, I suddenly found that the situation I was in wasn’t what I expected it to be at all. I didn’t ‘feel’ like a university student here, even months into this first term. Or, rather, I didn’t feel what I had decided that being a university student ought to feel like.

For my whole life, I’ve attached so much of my identity to my intelligence and educational aspirations. To reach the highest stage of my academic career thus far- the place I’ve been working to get to my whole life- and find out that it was possible that this wasn’t where I wanted to be caused me to completely lose my sense of identity.

The conflict between feeling ‘too good’ for here, but simultaneously viewing my rejection as me ‘not being good enough’ for Durham left me drifting somewhere in the middle with all aspects of my life. University was a big deal for me, and had been for as long as I could remember. I attached so much of who I was to my work, and ergo the university I was going to go to. Having failed to prove to myself that I was who people had been telling me I was for years, I didn’t have scraps of personality left to hold onto.

I felt as though I didn’t belong here, but also that if that were true I didn’t really know where I did belong. I knew that I was smart, and that I was capable of achieving the A-Level grades that I needed to meet my offer requirements for my first choice. Things just didn’t go to plan in my Maths exams. But, at the same time, whenever I struggled with the work here in York, I would say to myself: ‘Oh, look. You can’t even manage the work they give you here. How did you ever think you were good enough for Durham?’

As you can imagine, this made my mental health quite difficult to manage properly. My inability to cope with rejection, trying to live independently for the first time, facing a whole new series of academic challenges, and missing my friends/family ALL took its toll on me in more ways than I care to say. But, stubborn old me tried to make the best of an unexpected, difficult situation. I decided that I wasn’t going to be ungrateful.

I had been accepted into one of the best schools for my subject in the country. I was going to try and make the most of life here, even if it wasn’t what I had wanted in the beginning, and even if it was proving to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. I wish I could say I was able to move past the sadness I felt because of my rejection and because of all of the other things going on in my life (my already poor mental health, trying to live independently…), but that just wasn’t the case.

To keep it short and sweet, student life was kicking my arse.

The dip in my mental health began to affect my ability to work and take care of myself. I was struggling with this sudden and total lack of motivation to keep up with just about everything.

Independent study was completely forgotten about. I skipped countless music rehearsals, and rarely spent time with my flatmates and friends. I didn’t cook properly- I relied on foods that took less than five minutes to cook or didn’t eat at all. I didn’t put as much effort into looking after myself and looking presentable as usual; I usually love dressing nicely, carrying out elaborate skincare and makeup routines- but all of that immediately went out of the window. I rarely left my room, and I would stay essentially completely by myself for days at a time.

There was no part of my life that didn’t take a blow as a result of my poor wellbeing. It was like I’d given up and decided I would just settle for the bare minimum and float aimlessly until the winter break arrived. I didn’t care anymore. Not about appearance, not about my work, and not about me.

Now is probably the time to mention that I didn’t actually tell anyone that this was going on, spare one of my closest friends who I knew for sure wouldn’t judge me. To this day, most people still have no idea that I was having such a bad time, and that I’m still feeling the residual negative emotions from the last few weeks of term. There are a lot of reasons why I didn’t talk to anyone about it, but the main two were that I’m a very private person, and that my family isn't always the most understanding when it comes to helping each other deal with mental health issues. I desperately wanted other people to know what I was going through, but the thought of coming out and telling them straight-up petrified me. I knew I couldn’t do it. So, I chose to hide all of it under the façade of being exhausted from my busy timetable. Or whatever excuse was most convenient at the time for whoever asked me what was wrong.

Another reason I didn’t tell anybody about what was going on kind of plays into the problems I’d been wrestling with before coming to uni (they’ve been an issue for much longer than just this summer, just to point out). I won’t talk about them in detail, because I’m not ready to discuss a lot of what I went through and what I’m still going through, but I’ll say that part of it is that I have a pretty crippling fear of being judged by other people. For my physical appearance, for my academic achievements, for my personal opinions and preferences- for everything. Everything. I don’t really talk about myself to anybody, so even just writing this post feels a bit odd. As you can imagine, admitting I’d been having a terrible time with my mental health to my close friends and family was out of the question.

I had basically reached my lowest point ever. I felt lonely, isolated, and completely lost. I wasn’t living the life people were expecting me to, and I wasn’t

Maybe this seems silly to some of you out there reading this who are dealing with a much bigger and more painful situations than my own. I recognise that there are much worse things I could be going through. And no, of course not every day of the past term was awful. I’m not trying to say that being rejected from my dream university caused this- rather that it fed into what was already a significantly complex problem. But, for someone like myself who pinned all of their self-worth on their educational goals and achievements- for someone who had never really ‘failed’ at something like this before- I was pretty fucking crushed. Enough to make me lose track of basic things I’d never usually had a problem managing before.

My problems had engulfed my life. I was miserable and couldn’t stand it. I was fed up of sticking it out alone. Desperate to let someone else take the burden for a little while, I finally, finally decided it might be worth considering getting some help.

I made an appointment to go and visit the University mental health services, and they signposted me to the local NHS mental health services. The waiting list for an assessment was surprisingly short- it only took me 2-3 weeks to get an appointment where I could receive an initial diagnosis and learn what treatments were available.

It was at this point I found out that I had an anxiety disorder.

This wasn’t particularly shocking news- I struggled with social anxiety as a young teenager- but it made me quite emotional to finally hear someone tell me that what I was feeling WAS part of a bigger problem. It wasn’t just me blowing things out of proportion.

So, that brings us to where I am now. Currently on the waiting list for group therapy. I haven’t really decided if its something I want to talk about on this blog yet, but I feel like even just sharing with other students that I took the step to go and seek help from my uni will hopefully encourage more people who are struggling to do so as well. Most universities have decent mental health services, or at least someone who can point you in the direction of the appropriate resources to help you, so it’s definitely worth looking into in my opinion.

But, right now, I’m feeling okay. This term has been challenging for me and my emotional wellbeing, but the knowledge that I ploughed through and (for the first time in my life) asked for help when I knew I needed it makes me feel proud of myself. A month away from halls has definitely helped me, and I’m actually looking forward to going back with a new, rejuvenated perspective on student life- which leads me onto the final section of this long, waffly post...

What have I learned? How am I trying to make changes? What are my plans for the future?

Well, aside from developing my Chemical knowledge through some pretty fantastic lecture courses and practical sessions, I’ve discovered a lot about myself this term. For example- I’ve realised that I place too much of my personal value on academic achievement and the prestige of the institutions I’m a member of. I should learn to accept that I am so much more than my grades, and that it doesn’t matter where I go to school. Sure, it would have been nice to enjoy all of the things life in Durham has to offer, but does it really matter when I’m living in a beautiful city, studying the subject I love with people who are just as excited about it as I am, and watching myself change and blossom into a completely new person? Not at all.

The most important thing, and the most difficult, was to admit and accept that I wasn’t having a good time here. And that it was okay to feel like this. I could lie to everyone around me about it and say that I was happy, but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. In fact, it took being honest with myself for me to actually start to feel a little bit happier about where I was- literally AND mentally.

I suppose this begs the following question: would I consider transferring? Surely, after all of the emotional chaos I went through trying to get over what felt like the biggest setback of my life so far, I would take the ‘easy way out’ and re-sit my Maths papers so that I could re-apply to Durham and live the life I was convinced I needed to be living?

Honestly… No. Partially because the heartbreak of being rejected was kind of enough to put me off potentially going through it again by re-applying, but also because I feel like this is an important life experience for me to have.

I need to learn healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with rejection and being in situations I didn’t initially want to be in. Obviously, there are lines and limits with this kind of thing, and it differs from person to person and situation to situation, but I’m in a good place for me, I think. It isn’t perfect, but it isn’t meant to be. And I know that if I work hard to make the most of everything my life has to offer me, I’ll reach a point where the struggles I’m dealing with now will be but a distant memory.

...

So, that’s all I want to mention for now! I hope this explains why I’ve been so absent from this blog. Being productive was something I really struggled to do this term, so I didn’t have much going on that I could really post about. However, I’m looking forward to showing more of what my life as a Chemistry student at York looks like when I move back up for term two.

 Talking about this has really helped me to reflect on my experiences and gain a little bit of closure from what was a pretty wild and confusing 11 weeks. I might post more content like this in the future, because I think it’s important to show other students that they aren’t alone and more people are dealing with things like this than they realise, but I won’t make any promises just yet.

I hope you are all having a lovely winter break, wherever you are, and I hope you are all looking forward to the next term of school, college, university, or even just the New Year by itself!

See you soon.

Bella <3

[kahvi-studies]

life-saving apps/sites/programs I use

languages

Duolingo and Babbel (classics), I use the app ChineseSkill for my Mandarin class and the line dictioanry where you can also try do draw a character instead of spending hours of searching what it menas. yeah! Other nice dictionaries I use are leo.org and dict.cc. One important homepage I got to know in uni is the glottolog.org (or ethonologue.com). Here you can look up any language of the world (or just randomly find one you've never heard of before) and get some information about it. A linguist's gem!

study session

Helpful apps I used to use (while studying maths) were wolframalpha and geogebra. For reviewing things I use the app quizlet on my phone when I'm on the go or on my laptop at home. To learn new skills or improve myself, I scroll through khan academy or coursea. One of my 2019 goals is to learn a new skill every month, and these are perfect for that.

focus

forest is a nice app to help me focus on my studies and just lets me live more consciously every day by planting a little bush/trees. So cute and motivating! Another app I'm using regularily is Focus To-Do: pomodoro timer & tasks list organizer. If you do'nt know, the pomodoro technique is an established study technique where you concentrate for 25 minutes on one topic, pause for 5 minutes and redo. After 3 sessions of 25 minutes you're doing a big break. It works and helps me stay motivated! The last app here I wanna mention is fabulous. It's not just for staying focused while studying, but generally in your daily life. It also helps you build new habits and stick to them, as letting go of bad ones. Lovely!

music

I know many people say they don't like any kind of distraction while studying, but. There's a website called rainymood.com where you can listen to rain sounds (surpsise) and I absolutely love it. As soon as I hear it I can study very intensively. You also can interchange the path (the last part of an url after ".com", ".org") with the path of any youtube music video to play those sounds at the same time. Spotify is something I can't live without! I made multiple playlists for every situation, also study sessions. follow me

others

dropbox, google drive (or all google apps in general), OneNote (I use it for literally anything. Tumblr, as a money tracker, uni, planner,..) and the studo app (I'm not sure if it's available anywhere, bute it's great for organizing your whole life) - alternatively the mystudylife app.

happy studing! xx, Dodie