#supposed to fade like. gradually. like gradients

[mockingbirdshymn]

TUMBLR USER @fruit-kick THAT DOES NOT SOUND WEIRD AT ALL IN FACT IM HONORED

heres like. some of the things i keep in mind when writing grieving

the little things in grief

something i scarcely see written is the little things in grief. seeing things that remind you of the person causing you to nearly cry in public, but you can't. seeing people be happy with their family members/friends (depending who was lost) and being both jealous and miserable. wondering for years if you could have done anything, even though the chance of that is impossible, or blaming yourself for not noticing something.

the smallest things in grief are the most important. forgetting the person is gone and calling out their name, texting them about something important to you before realizing that theyre gone, setting an extra plate at the dinner table, entering their room. its things like that which are the most personal. the countless times ive done that, the countless times ive seen my mother do that.

it's not having the will to clean out their room. its not getting rid of any of their stuff ever, keeping their room as pristine as it was before they were gone. it's having nightmares of the death and waking up realizing youre alone. it's sleeping in that person's room for comfort. it's rewatching videos with the person who died in them, reminising over old times and sobbing. it's thinking "oh, ___ would love this!" while at the store before realizing. it's thinking you see them, but it's a coat hanger or a shadow or a chair in the dark, or something your brain tricks you into seeing.

obviously, as time goes on, this will lessen, and it wont last forever. eventually, this phase will cease. but when the grief is fresh, the little things will happen more often.

and the grief can be fresh for a very long time.

general things to remember/advice

don't make it quirky. for the love of FUCK, don't make it quirky.

try to portray the misery, the numbness, the seriousness of grieving over death. use descriptive words, metaphors of flowers, of death, or anything beautiful or ugly or both. use mystical words; death is an enigma to us all. one of the reasons death is so terrifying is because none of us know much about it. just that theyre gone.

"____ had seen death up close. They'd seen her cold grasp take away the person ____ loved the most. ____ sometimes wished they'd been taken instead. If only they were the one to stare death in the eyes and follow her into the inky void of nothingness. But no, ____ was cursed to sit on their bed, every day and every night, wondering what they could have done." this is an example of descriptive words and metaphors can be used to portray write the grief the character feels

instead of a simple 'i wish it were me', expand upon that. they don't wish it were them, they wished they were the ones to stare death in the eyes and accept their fate rather than the person they loved doing the same. it's more descriptive, i suppose

metaphors are your best friend when discussing grief and death (but make sure to not overdo them!!!!!!), as well as your characters little reactions to the enviorment around them.

ie this sentence in my fic's draft - "Harrison just continued staring off into the distance, at the frozen lake and families skating together on it. Preston could see a small flame of jealousy reflect in his eyes, but the ember faded into something sadder."

write about how your character views the world after the death. do they view it as cruel, as worthless to live in, or as something that should be cherished while they can? how does this affect how your character treats others, acts, talks? how does this affect their relationships? do they weaken them or strengthen them?

write the healing process as slow and gradual. if your fic is short, still make it a gradient. it won't heal right away. this healing can be from 3 chapters to 20. it depends on the story length.

keep your character in mind. if your character doesnt fit any of the things i mentioned, dont force yourself to change the character to fit my advice. instead, take it and warp it so if fits your character. model the grief around the character's personality.

all in all, there is no perfect way to write death and grieving. these are my tips, from my experiences both dealing with grief and writing about it for some time, but remember that everyone deals with and writes death in different ways.

[kiekiecarrera]

Tutorial - Transitional Blending + Adding Text

Another request from Mary @princess-seaweed :) This time I’m making a tutorial to show how I created the transition in this gif and how added the text with its effects:

Once again, this is an advanced tutorial that supposed you’re already familiar with basic gif making using photoshop.

I will try to go into as much detail as I can, but if anything is off/unclear/vague, don’t hesitate to reach out!

So, we’re gonna start by blending the two gifs with the transition, and then we’ll add the text and its effects.

I’m using photoshop 2020.

First things first, as I mentioned before, this is an advanced tutorial that supposes that you already know how to create gifs, so the first thing you wanna do is make the 2 gifs (or 3, or 4, or however many you want) you wanna blend separately, (resize, sharpen, add adjustment layers and whatever else you want to add), and then save the psd files (you don’t have to actually save if you have them open, but this is a precaution in case anything happens). Since we’re gonna be layering the gifs one after the other, the number of frames for each one can be different.

Once you’re satisfied with the gifs, open your animation timeline bar to the frames animation mode.

For this particular gif, I’m using the below gifs, sized 540x540px each. I’ve already resized, sharpened and colored my gifs and this is what they currently look like:

Not that it matters, but my first gif has 41 frames, and the second has 40 frames.

Okay, so what we’re going to do is we’re going to copy the second gif after the first one, but to get the transition, we’re going to layer some frames of both gifs on top of eachother. I know this sounds complicated, but it’s really not :)

First things first, you’re gonna decide the order of the gifs. I want the gift to start with happy JJ (1st gif) and transition to sad JJ (2nd gif).

So, you’re going to go to your 2nd gif, and select all the frames in the animation bar:

Now you’re going to click on the small menu on the right side of the animation bar, and select copy frames:

Now, we’re going to copy this gif after after the first one, but we want to layer some of the frames on top of eachother to achieve the transition part. In this case, we’re gonna layer 9 frames.

To do that, you’re going to go back to the first gif, scroll all the way to the end of the animation bar and select only the last 9 frames:

Then you’re gonna open the small menu in the right corner of the animation bar and choose paste frames:

A window will pop up, asking what the paste method is. Make sure paste over selection is checked and click ok:

So, what’s happened now is that the second gif has been added after the first one, with 9 frames overlapping between the two.

This is what my psd currently looks like:

Now you’re going to group the second gif. To do that, look at the layers tray. The layers of the second gif should all still be selected. You’re gonna keep them as they are and just click on the small folder icon at the bottom bar:

Now we’re going to start creating the transition. This isn’t very complicated, it’s just the crucial part to get the transition right. Basically, we’re going to be playing with the opacity of the 9 overlapping frames, so that the top layer gradually becomes more visible from one frame to the next. I promise, it’s not complicated.

You’re going to select the first frame containing the second gif in the animation bar. And you’re going to make sure the whole group is selected in the layers tray.

now you’re going to change the group’s opacity to 10%. To do that, find the opacity tab on the right side corner of the layers tray.

Now change the value from 100% to 10%. You’ll immediately see the top layer almost disappear, and the bottom layer will be mainly visible.

Don’t worry, this will only change the opacity value for this frame, and all the other frames will remain the same:

Now you’re going to move to the next frame. You’ll notice the opacity value will be back to 100%. This time, you’re gonna set it to 20%.

Again, this will only affect this frame, and top layer will fade, but be slightly more visible than the previous frame.

Now you’re going to move to the next frame. This time, you’re gonna set the opacity value to 30%.

And you’re gonna keep repeating the process, frame after frame, each time adding 10% to the opacity, until you reach the 9th frame and set that to 90%.

You’ll notice that with each frame, the bottom layer fades a little more and the top layer is more visible. Your 9th frame should look something like this:

And that’s it, the transition is complete. If you save your gif now, it should look like this:

You can make the transition as long or as short as you want. The trick it just to make sure that whatever number of frames you want, it’s a dividend of 100 so that your transition is even - that means that, for example, you can choose 5 frames and make the opacity jump by 20 from one frame to the other.

And that’s it for the transition part!

Now onto adding the text.

The first thing you’re going to do is make sure that the first frame in your animation bar is selected, because if you make any additions on any other frame, they won’t apply to the whole gif - this is why we were able to play with the opacity on the frames above, because they only change individually. If we wanted the opacity to apply to all the frames at the same time, we would’ve chose the first frame in the animation bar. So, select the the first frame, and choose the type tool.

The font I’m using is called Challenge, set to size 72, text color is white. click anywhere on the gif, and the standard lorem ipsum text will appear.

Now, write whatever text you want. I want it to be in the middle of my gif, so once I’ve written my text, I’m gonna click on the selection tool at the top.

To align the text, I create a new layer right under the text layer, fill it with any solid color, and select both layers:

Don’t worry, this is just to align the text, we’ll hide it in a bit. Now make sure the selection tool is chosen and that both your text layer and color layer are selected.

In the top bar, you’re gonna click on the two icons shown in the image below:

Your text should now be aligned in the center of your gif:

Hide the colored layer by clicking on the small eye icon next to it in the layer tray:

This is what your psd looks like now:

Next, we’re gonna add some effects to our text (mainly some shadow). You’re going to right click on the text layer, and from the menu you’re gonna choose blending options:

Now, a pop up box will open. You’re going to make sure the drop shadow box is ticked, and change the settings to your liking. My settings are as below:

I still want my shadow to be even darker, so I’m gonna click on the small + at the right of the drop shadow twice, to create 2 more shadow effects, and then click ok:

You can add other effects. I use glow, stroke and gradient alot, but for this one I only wanted to add a shadow.

And that’s it!

Now you just gotta save. My save settings are:

and my gif now looks like this:

And that’s it!

If you have any more questions or need anymore help, just hit me up, and let me know if you find this helpful at all!

[veiledfox]

Damned Kitsune

First stepping out into this new realm, Kyuushi feels a warmth hit her, one which almost brings her to a sweat in seconds. It wasn’t anything insane, but it was certainly something she wasn’t used to one bit. Though almost instantly, the next thing she noticed, was the sound of an explosion in the distance. One she couldn’t see any source of, but it got her attention nonetheless. 

Moving toward the corner of the alley she was in, a peak past the corner would find her looking out upon an odd city scape filled with all forms of drug and sex innuendo names for establishments. That, and the people wandering about were... far from human. Skins of red, grey, black, blue, purple, white. Some looked relatively human in terms of their bodily appearance, but others were... snakes, dogs, cats, owls, and some odd horned creatures with tails ending in a spike.

This sight made her a little unsure what she should do. Continue out and about, leaving her ears and tail out, or maybe take a different form and do her best to sneak around... She wasn’t sure one bit. It’s something she had to step back into the alley and sit down to wonder and think about it all. For the first time ever, she was entirely unsure of whether she even wanted to venture further into a new realm. At least, on the first visit.

She could leave, take some small little thing with her and come back some other time, with more than just her Tanto. Maybe... try to get her next two tails, come back when she’s able to modify her appearance with two traits of other beings? She could return with a light layer of fur and her legs shifted to match those of an anthromorphic Fox, give herself a look that would pass for that of one of these... people, demons? Without asking, she couldn’t tell.

Though before she could think about it too much longer, she could feel some odd sort of stinging sensation deep within herself. Almost like something at the very center of her being was trying to get out of her, or at least that was the best she could describe it if asked. Feeling a subsequent sting at two spots on her forehead to a much lesser degree.

Thankfully the odd sensations stopped pretty soon aft’, and feeling over herself both body and head didn’t reveal anything changed about herself. With the sensations gone, however, she was able to think again. Figuring it would be a waste of a trip to just leave instantly, she would decide on trying to do some form of recon about her surroundings. About this realm as a whole. Though the way she was, she couldn’t move as freely as she’d prefer to if she was going to be trying to avoid being noticed for this visit.

Quickly, with ethereal blue flames enveloping her body, Kyuushi took to her feral form. Using the lighter form and her natural strength to quickly leap back and forth between the buildings that sat on either side of this alley. Getting onto the roof tops, her ears beginning to flick about wildly to try taking in everything she could hear near and far. Keeping her tails low, though letting her head briefly rise. Only to find the sun high in the sky, yet replaced with some darker shape, marked with a pentagram...?

The sight did make her ears flatten a little, even more unsure where she was now at such sight, and worried she would get noticed even in this form. This seemed almost like some form of Demonic realm when she thought it over, was that truly the case here? Was this some realm where hell and heaven she’d hears of from so many religions existed in this strange form?

It would be a ringing bell that forces her ears to twist, body to lower to the rooftop, and her head to turn for the source. A clock tower of some form, with a dial of three digits. Digits which, though as her eyes landed on them, the were all zero, but just after they would whirl and change to show three, six, five. Three hundred sixty five. A year? Why would a clock tower have a count-down for a year...? Especially if this was in some form of Hell, it didn’t make any sense to her.

Nor did the stinging feeling within and on her head returning, making her ears fold flat against her head and her body curl up over how it stung. It lasted longer this time too, made her whine in this form. Kyuushi couldn’t be sure, but the best she could think was that it had something to do with this realm and whatever magic existed within it. Something that she couldn’t understand was doing this to her, or causing something to happen that, in turn, lead to this pain. 

All she could think about right now, however, was getting back to her home realm, getting away from whatever was bringing this about so that she could at least try and gather her thoughts, better prepare for if she were to return. some other time. Finding a small rock near her on the same roof, she would call upon the Tori Gate as she moves to pick it up with one of her tails. Feeling the rush of wind beside her, which once she has the stone in her grip, she proceed to move for and jumps right through the faint distortion that was the Gate’s return portal.

Coming out atop the waters of the lake, she could immediately feel the stinging sensation fade everywhere. Taking a breath, while staying within her Feral state, and quickly making to return to her home on the beach shore off to the side. Using a tail to open each door as she passes through to the main room with all,her other trinkets and treasures from the realms she’s visited. Setting the stone atop a section of shelf beside the lectern where she wrote before she would turn herself back to her Humanoid self.

As she stood upright again, however, she would find herself feeling an odd dizzy spell. One making her almost stumble, having to reach to press a hand to the wall so that she could keep on her feet. A lingering hint of that stringing sensation from earlier surfacing again as she begins trying to work her way to her bedroom so she could lay herself down to keep from getting harmed if this would continue.

She would find herself laid in her bed the rest of the day. The discomfort and stinging returning now and then through the rest of the afternoon before sleep takes her as the sun begins to set. Feeling some warmth aid her in slipping from consciousness as the lantern in the corner of her room lit with Ancestral Flame briefly brightens as her vision starts to fade. 

In the morn’, her head is pounding as she wakes from the light in her room blazing brighter as if to awaken her on purpose. First the brightening the night prior... now this? It made her wonder why it had occurred twice over now. The flames belonged to the fragment remains of the Ancient Kitsune’s soul that were still within this world and not the one beyond. Perhaps... they knew something? 

It hurt too much for her to think at the moment, lifting a hand to press it to her forehead with a groan at the pain she felt. Before her palm could meet her skin, however, she felt something prick at her palm. Something small, but pointed, and fairly sharp. It didn’t even feel like it touched directly against her hand, but was angled upward. Her confusion at this bringing her to sit up and move both hands to her head to try and feel for it again. 

Finding, after a few seconds, a small, curved protrusion on the left side of her forehead. Just above the outer corner of her left eye. Not only that, but there was a second one, above her right eye, same situation. The two new things, little stiff protrusions from her forehead, both angled upward and gently curved back. Though feeling them wasn’t giving her enough information. All she could tell was they were short, stubby, curved and angled, and pointed.

Pushing through the pain these things were causing her head, Kyuushi manages to work herself up to her feet. Stumbling a little, sure, but it just needed a bit of support with a hand against the wall for her to handle it. Moving to a wardrobe in her room, she looks into the mirror atop it after angling it back so she could look down to it. Seeing in the mirror, that the two new additions were stubby little budding horns. Both a dark blue, just a shade or two darker than her own eyes.

As she took them in, she began to turn her head this way and that, looking to see their shaping a little better, she notices their angle. From what she could tell, with the angle they came out from her forehead, and the curve that they had to them, she could tell that they were going to be growing upward, and likely straighten out for the most part rather early. In her mind, the visual of such growth with these horns came to mind, and she couldn’t help but compare it to those of an Oni. Ones that she saw on the mask which was supposed to copy her Father’s face. 

Just... from what she could remember, those on the mask were golden? Why were these ones blue? Was it that, in truth, her Father’s horns were actually Blue, not gold, and the mask was simply crafted in a similar, ornate fashion as that of the masks crafted for festivals and plays? Or was this simply just how they were taking form with her, But... from what she could recall of Oni skins and horns from things she’d heard, they were supposed to match the color of their skin, but some did have gradient along the upper halves.

One Oni she could recall having seen in person was from a different realm, so things were likely not the same in terms of how their genetics worked compared to here. But her human skin was continued along the lower portion of her horns, but then gradually became purple. The other... she only ever saw them with broken horns. An Oni who worked at the hospital her mother and grandfather would take her to for any health issues. They had their horns broken off by an abusive partner, she learned later in her life. Though the stubs that were left did match their skin tone.

Maybe she should go to that Oni about this development, see if he had any idea about how it’s happening, or why. Then again... the Oni that was her doctor was one of the few who knew of the Tori Gate that her family protected and used. Maybe then she could determine whether this was a thing of another realm’s laws having changed her genetics somehow, They were the same doctor who had helped Mother birth her, and to figure she seemed to have a small portion of both human and Oni DNA. Though her Kitsune was vastly dominant, as with most Kits that were born.

Before she could go anywhere, however, she’d need this damned piercing pain to stop bothering her so she can focus. It would only surge stronger, however,  making her press her hands to the sides of her head and her eyes shut tight trying to handle the pain. Groaning from the strain she could feel the new horns causing her head and feeling her whole body start to grow week. 

Both arms moving to the wardrobe’s top to catch herself feeling her legs start to give, only to hear the top wood crack some under her weight. Forcing one eye open, she looks down to find the surface wood split partially under her hands. Not to the point of breaking the wardrobe outright, thankfully, yet still it was now damaged. Yet another thing bringing confusion out within the Kitsune.

Kyuushi can’t think about it though, not even for a second, feeling that pain surge again and crying out as she falls to her knees in front of the wardrobe. Pressing her head into her arms atop the furniture and doing everything she could to breathe All while feeling her hears press flat against the back of her head, and her tails coiling behind herself. This unbearable pain lasting almost a whole two minutes, though it felt like two hours to her, before it even just began to subside.

Bit by bit feeling it all begin to ease and calm down. Strength slowly returning, head starting to settle again, clear thoughts coming back to her mind. All leading to her slowly trying to get back onto her feet. Hearing the wood of the wardrobe crack and splinter a few times more while putting her weight on it until she was on her feet again. 

Her breath heavy, head still reeling from the pain as it finally fades in full, though she can feel a headache having taken it’s place, she merely just glances at the mirror again. That glance being repeated, and dragging out into a long stare at her reflection. Shocked expression on her face, mouth agape as she takes in all the air she could, eyes reddened a bit, and the horns... fully grown. Tall, lightly curved, upright, deep blue horns splitting the bangs of her hair that went down in front of her forehead.

To see them seemingly fully grown so soon after finding them as just stubs atop her head was shocking to say the least, and it had the Kitsune speechless. Raising her hands to feel along her forehead near the horns, and along the tall horns themselves. Feeling them physically present, not only through her touch, but through feeling them as a part of her head itself. Able to feel her fingers running over them as if they were her ears or tails.

First question to pop into her mind would be whether or not she could use her concealing magicks to hide these like she could her other Inhuman traits that remained in her Human form. Concentrating to call upon such magicks, she sees her ears disappear from sight first, her tails just a second after them. About a half minute later, the horns would too, her forehead looking as it did before they added themselves to her body for whatever reason. 

Lifting a hand, however, she could still feel them, despite being unable to see them. Running her hand back on her head to feel for her ears, which she found twitching under her touch. Focusing again, however, their presence under her palms would vanish, and she could press her hands flush to the top of her head and her hair. She couldn’t even feel her tails moving about briefly afterward, but then she moved her hands to test her horns once more.

Nothing under her hands, she could feel her forehead without any obstruction perfectly fine. It’s a relief to her to know she can hide them like her ears and tails for traveling through the Gate. Sure, the time it took wasn’t all that nice, but she could work on that at the very least. Get the conceal time down shorter and shorter until it was able to be hidden the same time the ears and tails were.

The next question to surface, however, was whether or not the horns were present at all in her true form. Stepping back, she takes a breath and begins her shift. Feeling her body enveloped in warmth briefly, and finding her sigh significantly lower than it had been. Raising her feet one after the other to look to them, seeing her familiar paws, and her snout extended ahead of her sight. 

Leaping up onto the wardrobe, Kyuushi walks before the mirror, using a paw to nudge it so she can see herself better. Being met with her fluffy, red furred face, and the ears standing tall atop her head. With two, shallow curve, blue horns extending backward from the top of her head, between her ears. The sight of such making her ears fold back a tad. 

It really, truly hit her now that this was a part of her, from having only been in that one new realm for only a few minutes... Just what the hell was that place?

[neoniverse]

heal me. | chapter iv

disclaimer: this series is a work of fiction. any businesses, events or incidents are products of my wide imagination. all of the character’s personality does not reflect and has nothing to do in real life.

warnings: smut, angst, usage of strong language, mild violence, mentions of death, alcohol & drugs, degradation, cheating issues and lots of flashbacks

pairings: jung jaehyun x reader

a/n: read at your own risk. unedited.

song association: blinding lights - the weeknd

« CHAPTER III

“I loved you once

and now I must spend

my whole life explaining why.”

"Stop staring at me."

Jaehyun glances at you after noticing that you have been staring for the whole five minutes of him working over something. You watched his veiny hands flip each page of the paper he was holding before jotting down his signature with black ink.

He stopped for a moment and looked at you with his thin gold-rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose.

"Baby, I'm telling you. Don't provoke me."

"What? Did I do something wrong?" then purposely nudged the pencil holder near him. "Oh, right. Maybe I did."

You immediately kneeled down to pick the pencils up, arching your back more; enough for him to see your ass. Just as you were about to stand up, he suddenly lifted up your body and placed you on top of the desk.

"Jaehyun, what the he—" he shut you up with his index finger pressed to your lips and eyed you down with menacing look.

"Bend over," he orders. "Raise that skirt."

You do exactly what he said and faced the large space of his office while biting your lips as nervousness and excitement build upon your body. The trepidatious heat you're feeling is imparable; knowing that someone might widely open that door and see you both in that very sexual and unusual scene.

He slowly trailed up his cold fingers from the back of your knees to the exposed cheeks of your ass. With no words said, his hand harshly landed to your skin.

"I already told you to stop, didn't I? Why defy me?" he leans closer to your ear. "Use that pretty mouth of yours and answer me."

You shook your head sideways and pursued your lips to remain silent. The raging heat of your body weakened your knees as Jaehyun continued leaning closer. You felt his bulge growing behind you.

"My very own naughty dirty girl. You really, really like seeking attention, aren't you? Just because you know I am capable of doing this?"

"Jae, please."

"Why defy me, baby?"

"I did— I didn't!"

"Mhm, sure. I really don't care."

He pulled your black laced panties down and pushed the hem of the beige skirt to your waist. He even did your hair into a ponytail to pull. "Safe word?"

"Red, sir."

"Alright. Count my thrusts and if you get one wrong, I will absolutely sure you’re limping on your way out, whore."

He pulled you closer to him and positioned his member right to your area. He didn't wait for you to speak as he already get a hold of your waist and hair then pushed his fully erected member inside your wet pussy.

"Oh—holy fuck."

"What did I say? Count."

"O-one."

The whole room was filled with gradually speeding sounds of two bodies skin colliding. His hips harshly slamming against your ass made you release loud whimpers. The unholy grating and roughness of his movements by senselessly fucking you behind diminished your grasp to the table.

"Ah, shit, yes."

"Yeah? Like that?" he whispers to your ear then licked your jawline. "Such a big slut, are we? Your tight and wet pussy take my fucking cock so well."

You were on the peak of climax when you woke up to sense sound of a loud clap in front of your face. Everyone was looking at you, especially Johnny who gave you a what-is-happening-to-you look.

"Earth to Y/N. It's supposed to be a fun and special night yet you're spacing out?" Johnny utters before handing a bottle of cold beer. I massaged my temples as this is the fifth time of zoning out and thinking of things that I left buried in the past.

“Happy birthday, Y/N!"

It has been exactly five days ever since I moved out from the project for Neocity Incorporation. I didn’t want to settle in that decision but what are the odds anyway? He wanted me out of his sight just like how he wanted me before; to love and heal him.

You celebrated your not-so-fun birthday in your condominium unit with Johnny, Rosé, and Seolhee. Taeyong was also supposed to be there but he said he’s not available for he’s busy about something important. But he didn't just left you in the air like that for he dropped by earlier to give his very special and extravagant gift to you.

“Come on, just at least have fun,” Rosé spoke while munching on her fried chicken. “And the food tastes so damn good!”

“Rosie, that’s because you’re already finishing the box all by yourself.” Seolhee replies. Rosé gave her a deadly glare before taking another bite to the drumstick she's holding.

I trickled off the rivulet of cold beer on my throat before going out to the balcony to breathe in fresh air. As soon as the sliding door opened, cold breeze of wind embraced my body; making me cross my arms over my chest. I walked towards the metal handrail and placed my arms above it. Then wandered my eyes to the marvelous view. The skycrapers, busy highways of Seoul, and the gradient dark blue to black color sky of shining stars lured my despondent soul in.

I started tearing up as my heart felt a striding thump. "Oh, god. Why am I crying," I let out a small chuckle and wiped the tears that fell down my cheeks and from escaping my eyes.

"You're such a crybaby, just so you know."

The taunting dominant voice from my back halted me from moving. As I turn around, I saw him there, standing before me with a bottle of beer on his right hand. My breath hitched when his chocolate eyes meet mine, especially when that playful smirk is plastered on his lips.

"What are you doing here?" I shot back, giving emphasis to 'you'.

He walked towards my place and stood beside me as if he doesn't feel any tension between us. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "You told me to stay away, now you're here to mess things up."

"I don't think I should even explain myself, Y/N."

What?

I let out a sarcastic scoff. "Wow, Mr. Jung. Did I step on your ego?" Jaehyun just looked at me as if trying to read me and my feelings. "I just wanted to say sorry, okay? I was intoxicated by alcohol that night."

"You feel sorry for being what, an asshole?” I ask, only to see his smile fade. “Where do you put alcohol, anyway? Down your annoying ass?"

That's for you, fucking jerk.

He chugged down the beer and slumped himself on the floor, his back leaning on the glass pane. I hate him. I really hate his guts. He’s arrogant, who act like my fucking boss, and act like he knows shit.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Jaehyun spoke. Sadness poisons his voice. “I mean it. Truly.”

I remained my eyes down at him, his chocolate like eyes gleam but sad. Is it bad if I feel remorseful? Even for once? I open my mouth to answer him, but nothing comes out. My anger and hate for him is tempered by coldness. I turn around to leave him alone but a warm embrace halted and encaged my body in.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, too low to hear. Something jostles my arms. “For what I did. I’m sorry. I know it’s not that easy to forgive but atleast let me prove myself to you—again.” His voice almost breaks.

With all my might and can, I detached his grip to mine. You are only apologetic whenever you feel like to do so.

“If you're sorry, you should’ve leave me alone,” I stare at him. “What does it feel like to be pushed away? You— you always confuse me.”

The thing with love is, no matter how hard you try to save and fix it, no matter how the two of you sacrifice, it always, in the end, becomes too much. Jaehyun and you was like two shadows playing with fire. No one was capable of winning, no one was capable of losing.

I went back inside and locked myself to my room. My heart fell into a pit of sneer razors, thin and sharp. I fear of being alone more than anything else before. But it was always better to be by oneself.

In the past few days, I’ve kept myself busy with the new project given by the boss. My exhaustion is bone-deep and my heart is another wound entirely, still bleeding from taking all pain and failure.

“Engineer? You have a visitor at the office.”

My brows immediately furrowed to the worker but I just gave him a nod. He then walked away afterwards. I wasn't expecting any visitor for today but maybe it's a surprise?

Right after I swung the door open, Jaehyun in his office attire and my co-worker, Jun, was talking about something. Jaehyun stood up when he saw me enter the room. I gave Jun a notice to go out for a meantime but instead, he gave me a wink and goodluck sign before leaving.

"I just came by to invite you," Jaehyun started. "It's just a party and I assure you I will bring you home after."

In short, a party and his date.

"And that is for what?" I answered. "I'm one of your least concerns, Mr. Jung. I don't think I should comply to that."

He licked his lower lip. "I don't have any one to go with me. So Y/N, please, just this one night?"

You don't know what force pulled you to hell just so you can agree and join him to the said party. You just found yourself wearing a black plunging neckline dress that you saw on your closet earlier. And partnered up with beige heels. A sexy clothing like this wasn't in your thoughts at all, but you wanted to grab Jaehyun's limelight at the party.

"You look so gorgeous tonight."

And that was his cue before sliding his hand to your waist while you both are making your way to the red carpeted hallway.

"Thanks, I guess?" You answered. Jaehyun gave you a sincere smile that revealed his two sets of deep dimples.

When the two of you entered the ballroom, you both were welcomed by media and the other guests that overwhelmed your whole being. Laughter and chattering resonated inside the palatial ballroom and the glimmering theme laced the party, having some resemblance to a renaissance painting.

“Mr. Jung! Good to see you here!”

An old man in black suit approached and shook hands with him. He looked at you surprisingly. “Oh, the great Miss Y/N! How could I forget?”

You replied to him with a smile and polite bow before grabbing a champagne flute from a waiter. Jaehyun ended his talk with the man and proceeded walking with you to the reserved table.

Many people was intrigued to as why you and him, were together in the event; especially the media who even interviewed you two regarding it. I’m just his date for tonight. That was your answer. By the whole time moving, you just got bored and more bored for social gatherings wasn’t really your thing.

“Come with me, I’ll show you something.”

Jaehyun handed you his hand before pulling you to run away from the ballroom. You giggled when you almost tripped on your feet while running to your way out.

“If this isn’t something good, swear to heaven’s saints and angels, I will fucking kick your balls!” You playfully taunt him.

He drove to the airport as soon as the car left the basement parking. The butterflies inside your stomach fluttered when both of you walked towards a private jet at the airport ramp. Your heart raced when you got inside and saw Mark standing at the cockpit.

“Where are we going?” You ask, but instead, he just shot his brow up at you.

The whole flight lasted for 12 hours and you still have zero idea to where Jaehyun is bringing you. Butterflies that flutter inside your stomach grew wild with anticipation when the plane landed safely—sending notice that you have arrived at your destination.

"Good evening. This is Captain Lee, your Pilot for the night. We have safely landed in Rome-Fiumicino Airport. Yo, Jaehyun Jung, use protection later!"

Mark vulgarly announced to the whole craft, making your cheeks flush. Jaehyun just laughed it off as if it's not awkward for him.

"You brought me to Rome freaking Italy?" You exasperated said, eyes widen, to the person beside you. "I already told you before, I will make myself up."

"I hope you know that I am sorry for everything, Y/N."

-

The soft knocks on your hotel room door woke your senses up. You rubbed your eyes before grabbing the silk robe you bought at a nearby boutique last night before you and Jaehyun check-in at a obviously luxurious hotel.

It's already 9 AM.

You opened the door and saw Jaehyun standing there, wearing a simple white shirt, tucked in his washed blue jeans. He eyed you up and down before greeting.

"Hi."

"Hey."

Silence.

One.

Two.

Three.

"You ready? We're going to our first tourist spot."

When we arrived at the Colosseum— which was my ever since wish, my jaw dropped as to see the beauty. Jaehyun, who is standing beside me kept looking at the old building.

"What's the use of your film camera if you won't open it?" I mocking asked before snatching it from him. "Go there, I'll take a picture of you."

He hesitated first before following your demand. You took two shots of him, standing in front of the beautifully created structure. You were doing boomerangs for your Instagram story when Jaehyun pulled you.

"Mi scusi, puoi farci una foto?" He politely asked to a passerby and gave her his phone. The old lady smiled and took it.

Jaehyun suddenly wrapped his arm on your shoulders, making your heart jump for a second. The woman counted before clicking the shutter of his phone camera.

"You, two, look nice together! Good couple!" She created a heart shaped sign then left us alone. Jaehyun beside you just laughed while you were standing there, dumbfounded.

He took your wrist and pulled you so the both of you started walking again. You also posted an IG story of Jaehyun's back that left a bombarding dm's from Rosé, Seolhee, Johnny, and Mark.

@parkrosies: please bring home some food!

@l_seolhee: NOW I KNOW WHY YOU'RE ABSENT

@seo.johnny: Use protection! ;)

@mark.lee: Have fun, Y/N! I hope you guys will go home with a baby.

Mark's message made you laugh then you closed your phone. The trip in Colosseum ended by eating at a near restaurant that was again, high-end and fancy. Jaehyun insisted walking to a park before going back to the hotel.

"Did you enjoy?" He asked while sipping on his iced americano.

You nodded slowly. "Hmm, I really did."

"We're just here for three days so we should go to a lot more places tomorrow." Your poor heart fell on your stomach as to his word.

"Three days will be enough, then," Jaehyun glanced at you. "I hope it's enough for us."

When the both of you arrived in front of each other's hotel doors, he gave you a small smile and mouthed, 'tomorrow' before going inside his room.

The next day, you woke up late because you slept late for contemplating over things. Jaehyun brought you to the center and major tourist attraction, St. Peter's Basilica. Then to the Pantheon and to a museum. Until the day after next, last day. It was Trevi Fountain; one of the places you wanted to travel to before.

"So this is the end?"

Jaehyun stared deep into your eyes as if enthralling. You nodded slowly when you felt a small pang in your heart. "Jaehyun."

He cocked his head to the side. "Yeah?"

"I'm forgiving you," l stated with a genuine smile on my lips. "And I also mean it. No lies."

"Wait, shit, for real?" He was suddenly jubilant.

The immaculate twinkle in his eyes made your heart even more flutter. He bit his lower lip when he felt his heart pounding in ebullience. Maybe three days were enough to understand and love something good about him.

"Thank you, Y/N. Tha—"

You gave him a smack on the lips before running back to your hotel room. Jaehyun was left there, in his room, still in shocked position. As soon as you closed the door, you leaned back to it and placed your hand to the chest.

You knew what it was.

With your heart into pieces, you try to heal it alone. Not knowing it was him the whole time.

You fell, again.

[galaxyghost4081]

To Timpani

(Description is from the AO3 version, which is right here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25675729)

(Inspired by the song "Oh Fionna" by Rebecca Sugar from Adventure Time)

“A mind full of chaos, my madness unending. The void in my heart kept growing and growing. But all of it ended with a bittersweet wedding. Star-crossed forever, finally together, my dearest Timpani."

Lord Blumiere adored watching the majesty that were sunsets. They were his favorite time of day, a time where he could be with nothing but himself. They were calming and pleasant, perfect for thinking of ways to make another sweet memory with his love, Lady Timpani. Luckily, when he finds a certain instrument someplace, a magnificent idea comes into his mind: A serenade! Not only would Timpani would completely enamored by one, but the song would be the perfect gift for her! However, despite the practice Blumiere put into it, keeping it secret from her... is another situation.

"The one who brought me out of my dark memories. Attracting my soul with her heart made of purity. Fluttering into view is the loveliest lady. The love of my life, my wonderful wife… My Lady Timpani.”

~

The golden glare of the sun cast its light all throughout the land, and Lord Blumiere rested right against the hill’s tree, appreciating the view. A gradient of oranges, pinks, and blue was redecorating the sky. The sun slowly sank toward the horizon, its once bright glow gradually darkening. Down below, an endless field of grass waved in the evening light, soft breezes grazing right above it. Even the faint rustle of the tree’s leaves was heard, and although the incoming nightly chill made him shiver, Blumiere adored this time of day nonetheless. 

Sunset had finally arrived. 

For him, watching the setting sun was pure serenity. The honey-colored light, an enjoyable sight, and glorious beginning of night - It was the perfect way to end a day. In fact, Blumiere could have slept right then and there if he chose to, but as of lately, he had been working on something special. He rose from his seat on the hill, leaning against the tree for support, and moved his gaze to the base of the valley. It was a fair distance away, and just like the grassy field, it had been bestowed with the sun’s amber glow. However, a certain element caught his eye. It was out of place yet subtly fitting at the same time, and Blumiere knew exactly what it was: 

It was a cottage, the humble home he loved in with the one he loved. Although the man-made structure contrasted with the nature surrounding it, it was still a pleasant presence. Flowering flora bloomed around the cottage’s borders, and its simplicity gave out a calming aura within its environment. It was alone, all by itself with nothing around, but Blumiere knew it was anything but. Soon enough, he smiled, recalling the previous memories his home held. He remembered forming the little garden in its backyard with his partner. There was the time she attempted to bake her own creations, onle for him to end up helping her. Of course, there was no forgetting the times they spent at their favorite location atop the hill. There seemed to be no end to the happiness they shared together… 

Perhaps it was a good time for another memory to be born. 

Blumiere took note of the trail of spoke leaving the cottage’s chimney before observing the area around him. The sunset continued to disappear as dusk slowly arrived. Chilled winds came and flew by, and the only sign of movement was the grass rippling down below. The lord then took one last glimpse of the pewter puffs spewing out of his home, and only then did he give out a small sigh of relief. Blumiere’s privacy was certain. His beloved knew he enjoyed watching the setting sun from atop the hill. 

What she didn’t know, however, was the secret gift he was making for her. 

Blumiere turned around, shifting his attention toward the back of the tree, and caught sight of the item he was looking for. Only its peak was visible as it rested beside the trunk, but when it was snatched out of its hiding place, the entirety of its form was revealed. It was colored a dark blue, nearly the same shade of twilight, with gold and silver swirls decorating it quite nicely. It was an elegant instrument indeed, and Blumiere held it close to him, lightly resting his fingers atop its strings. After tuning it to his liking, he then closed his eyes and made but a simple strum. The sound was pleasant, coming from a guitar, but to the lord, it was perfect. He smirked as he clearly envisioned the music in his mind and reopened his eyes. He then readjusted his grip, took a deep breath, and set his eyes toward the setting sun. 

“To you, my lady,” Blumiere murmured before beginning to play. 

“A mind full of chaos, my madness unending. The void in my heart kept growing and growing. But all of it ended with a bittersweet wedding. Star-crossed forever, finally together, my dearest Timpani.” The lord felt a smile grow across his face as he sang, but he paid no mind to it. Instead, he continued to strum along to the melody, wanting to conclude his song. “The one who brought me out of my dark memories. Attracting my soul with her heart made of purity. Fluttering into view is the loveliest lady. The love of my life, my wonderful wife… My Lady Timpani.” 

Although Blumiere’s song was short, he knew it was very sweet, and he ended it with one final strum. The sound of the guitar echoed around him, reverberating within the ares before finally fading away. He appreciated the whistling cheers of the evening gusts, but there was a certain something on his mind. Blumiere peered down at his instrument, his expression now a serious frown. The darkening amber light of dusk gleamed atop of it, and he simply stared at its design, pondering about a thought in his head as he concentrated. 

“‘Fluttering into view…’” He mumbled to himself. “Perhaps a different line would be more fitting.” 

“Well,” an unexpected voice said, “I thought it sounded nice.” 

The lord nearly jumped in surprise when he caught the sound of the voice. He swiftly spun around, hiding the guitar behind him, and faced its source. Only its head peeked out from behind the tree, but Blumiere knew all too well who it was. The future moved to the side, a slightly mischievous smile on its face, and it was revealing to be none other than Timpani herself. The colorful hues of her dress were now in plain view as they flowed with the soft wind. Her grin, mixed with curiosity and cheerfulness, stayed as her expression, and it took Blumiere a moment to remember his situation and break free of her lovely trance. 

He attempted to steady his anxious, quivering tone as he spoke. “T-Timpani, my dear, you startled me. I thought you were taking care of the cottage.” 

“Oh, I was, but then I decided to go out and look for you.” The lord stayed put as Timpani approached him, daring to straighten his stance ever so slightly as she neared. Suddenly, he couldn’t help but notice her smile gained the slightest hint of seriousness to it. “I do apologize for frightening you, Blumie,” she added. “I understand you like evening sunsets and all, but when it becomes dark, I begin to get concerned.” 

“No worries, my lady. I’ll be sure to return home earlier next time.” Blumiere wished to add one last part to his words, but he hesitated. A certain question had piqued his curiosity, and much to his disliking, it had gotten the best of him. “H-How did you know I was up here anyway?” He found himself spouting. 

With Timpani sending a smug look his way, Blumiere realized the consequences of his simple ask. He could only try his best to appear neutral as she teased him, his secret on the verge of being uncovered. “I just had a feeling you’d be at our favorite spot,” the lady said with a giggle. “Plus, I thought I heard something from up here. Something that sounded like your voice, oddly enough… Were you singing some sort of song, Blumie?” 

Blumiere stood still as he met Timpani’s adamant gaze. He knew she was determined to discover whatever he was hiding, but the smallest detail caught his eye. Her expression softened as her curiosity took over, and only then did he let his guard down. “It was supposed to be a surprise,” he sighed, “but I suppose there’s no use in hiding it any longer.” 

Bringing out the guitar from behind him, Blumiere displayed it right in front of Timpani, whose eyes were wide with interest. “What a magnificent guitar… Where did you get it from?” 

“There was a traveling merchant who came by one evening. I looked at her wares and found it there. She told me its music would work best in a moment as special as the one I loved the most, but…” The lord chuckled just before he finished himself. “That secret has already been revealed, hasn’t it?” 

“Well, not exactly.” 

“Hm?” 

Timpani sent a small, caring smile his way as she delivered her own confession. “While I did enjoy your song, I only heard a part of it.” 

“And how much was that, my dear Tippi?” 

“Just the ending, really. I remember you said something about a ‘heart made of purity,’ but you finished as soon as I came up here.” 

Blumiere looked at the lady with a thoughtful gaze before moving it elsewhere to ponder. He brought the instrument back to himself, giving it a quick glance, and suddenly, an idea came to mind. A smirk swiftly grew on his face, and before his partner knew it herself, he crouched down on one knee, holding the guitar close to him as if ready to play. 

“Would you like to hear my serenade for you then, Lady Timpani.” 

Her reaction was anything but simple. Her cheeks flushed red in the darkening evening light, and her ecstatic grin already told him what her response would be. 

“Lord Blumiere… Of course.” 

Upon hearing her answer, Blumiere looked down and plucked on the strings, introducing the music to the new scene. He started off with playing one luxurious note after another. The tune swirled around them, growing as he continued, and it would not take long for him to strum and formally bring the melody to life. 

“A mind full of chaos, my madness unending. The void in my heart kept growing and growing. But all of it ended with a bittersweet wedding. Star-crossed forever, finally together, my dearest Timpani.” 

“Blumie…” 

He felt himself blush when he caught sight of her enamored gaze aimed right at him. Nonetheless, he smiled and continued to play his music. “The one who brought me out of my dark memories,” he mused. “Attracting my soul with her heart made of purity. Fluttering into view is the loveliest lady. The love of my life, my wonderful wife…” 

All of a sudden, Blumiere stopped, pausing only to come face-to-face with the lady in front of him. He allowed his final strum to reverberate as he rose. He then cupped her cheek, her expression lovely and mystified, and quietly hummed the finale. 

“My Lady Timpani.” 

The lord brought his head toward hers, the lady doing the same, and the two of them kissed. Blumiere made sure it was gentle as Timpani’s soft, pleasant lips pressed against his. In that moment, all was perfect as the world around them faded away, and the both of them felt completely content in the other’s company. However, they needed to return to reality eventually. Soon enough, Blumiere slowly and reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, only to get pulled into a large, loving hug. 

“Thank you for that song, Blumie,” timpani murmured, nuzzling him. “I love it, but not as much as I love you.” 

The lord held her close as he returned the embrace. “Anything for you, Timpani,” he said. “I love you too.”

[erasethedarkness]

Cross His Heart -Day 8 | Candlelit Dinner- (Aizawa x Reader)

Summary: When you first started seeing each other, Aizawa had more time. It was summer and he didn’t have students to teach, aside from during training camp. But once classes were back in session, he got busier, and circumstances kept coming up and changing so he’d have to cancel and reschedule. Over a month went by without seeing each other. Just as you were beginning to lose hope, the hero rose to the occasion, keeping your heart as he held you in his arms. 

Note: To the anon that requested this, I will actually respond to your ask with the response for your second request- which will be nowhere near as kind or fluffy as this one. ;) 

Theme Song: Save Tonight - Eagle-Eye Cherry

Reader: Gender Neutral 

Words: 2741

Go on and close the curtains, ‘cause all we need is candlelight…

“Oh.” You tried to disguise the lack of surprise and mild disappointment you felt, but he could hear the soft drop in the tone of your voice when you said it. Oh. Was this something you were beginning to expect from him?

“That’s okay, Aizawa-san,” you quickly followed up. Your tone was chipper again. “Do you want to try for next week?” The sound of optimism was long gone, but you were still trying, which was more than he would have expected from anyone who was cancelled on so often- especially five times, now.

But still, he didn’t want to let what you two shared go. After all, you had opened his eyes to how unhealthy his lifestyle was. Sure, he was tired all the time, but that was manageable. It wasn’t until he was struggling to find time to spare for you between teaching, training, patrolling, and parenting that he realized something had to give. He couldn’t always be on duty like he was before, and that was incredibly hard for him to accept. In fact, he still hadn’t fully accepted it. However, after cancelling for the fifth time in a row, Aizawa was beginning to stretch himself thin. Flowers he bought to surprise you, and then to apologize, and then to apologize again, and again, wilted away in his room before inevitably ending up in the trash, and he could sense you were beginning to drift from him. You weren’t even surprised when he had to reschedule anymore, and despite how you always seemed enthused to, he noticed the excitement gradually fading from your voice the more you spoke.

What pained him most about these unfortunate circumstances was that he wanted to see you. He wanted to take you out again and to build on the relationship you two were starting to create. And he couldn’t. There was little that Aizawa actually pined for and wanted, and in truth, the feeling was very much foreign to him, but he still knew exactly how to label it.

“Unfortunately, I can’t next week.” He paused, his lips pursed tighter than usual as he realized it seemed like he wasn’t even trying anymore. “1-A is taking a training trip,” Aizawa added, attempting to redeem his efforts.

You didn’t respond immediately, and there was a silence that lingered until you broke it.

“I hope that their training goes well; you’re a really devoted teacher and they are very lucky to have you,” you began in a soft voice- one with intonations he hadn’t heard before. It was sweet and he could tell your well wishes were sincere, but there was something else to it that he wasn’t sure of. “It sounds like things are especially busy for you right now. If things settle down at some point, let me know?”

“Yeah. I will.”

“Thanks, Aizawa.”

The phone beeped twice, and the connection ended. It was the first time you hung up without another date in mind, and for the first time in a long, long while, the pro hero, teacher, and parent felt an emptiness in place of the equally new feeling of hope. He held onto the cellphone for a moment, just staring at the image he had assigned to your contact information. It was from your first date, when he had more free time and before classes began. The sun kissed your hair and shoulders in just the right way to add a glow to your outline, and he asked you to pause and smile his way when he took the picture because you looked heavenly to him. It was rare for him to bother with taking pictures, but that was one he could not pass on.

At the end of the day, your phone vibrated in your hand as you took the train through Tokyo to your home district. A small icon of Aizawa looking away from the camera, his chin in his palm and his expression vacant, as he leaned over a patio table blipped onto the screen, and then was followed by a small text bubble. Even if some people thought he looked bored or uninterested all the time, you saw handsomeness in his features, and catching him looking off somewhere never bothered you. You were never shy about admiring him, and always felt like he unintentionally gave you plenty of chances to. Adoring him so much made it easier to hope that you’d see him again soon, and all the harder to give up on him.

“Tonight?”

Reading the text bubble, your brows furrowed. It was unlike him to plan something so last minute. Normally, you two were scheduling at least a week in advance. You stared at his icon and question, wondering what you should do. If you said you were free tonight, would it seem like you were desperate or lame? If you didn’t, when would you finally get to see him again? The question remained unanswered until you got home, and was met with an equally simple response: “When?”

“18:45?”

“Dinner at my place?”

“Yes.”

And that was it. You hoped that these plans wouldn’t fall through as you set your phone down and changed. From the last message, you had about an hour and a half before he was supposed to arrive, so you wasted no time in looking through your kitchen for a quick meal to cook. From what you had and were in the mood for, it was going to be stir fry, which seemed fun dish for a Friday night.

As you finished cooking, you left everything on a low simmer and began to tidy up. There wasn’t much that needed to be fixed and cleaned, but you did have to close some windows since it was starting to rain. Looking outside, dark and heavy clouds obscured the sun, hiding it beneath their gray and greenish hues. A frown pressed onto your lips as you worried slightly. Would he be alright in the rain? Would he cancel? The forecast mentioned it would storm tonight, but you completely forgot about it when you were texting him.

Just as the concern was getting to you, a rapping against your door stole your attention. You pulled off your apron and hung it in the kitchen before checking to see who it was. To your surprise, Aizawa arrived early. Immediately your cheeks were warm with a blush, and you shook your head as if that could dispel it. Without further hesitance, you opened the door and greeted him with a bright smile.

“Aizawa-san! I’m glad you could make it despite the r-”

Before you could say more, he brought his hand out from behind his back, making your words trail off. The hero looked to the side while offering you a bouquet of half a dozen roses arranged to give the appearance of a spiral that went from white in the center to deep red at the tail end, roses of varying pinks and creams creating the gradient in between. Long blades of grass and baby’s breath accented the flowers, and you were speechless, the blush you tried to shake away returning. When you lifted your eyes from the roses in front of your face, you saw that Aizawa had his other hand on the back of his neck.

“Thanks for being able to meet me with such short notice.” His words sounded like a low grumble, despite the sweet intention behind them. “...and I’m sorry for all the times I’ve had to reschedule.” He hoped the six roses- one for each time he canceled, and one for tonight- could ask for your forgiveness where his voice didn’t. You weren’t sure, but for a second it looked like he was pouting, and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of such a serious man making an expression like that. Your hands came up and took the bouquet, gently touching his in the process. He looked to you when he felt your caress, met with that sweet and kind grin he was surely smitten with.

“It’s alright,” you accepted his apology, guiding him into your home with a soft pull. “Come in. Let’s enjoy the time we have tonight.” Your voice was incredibly reassuring to him- as sure and calming as the sound of beach waves- and he gave you a smile. A clap of thunder echoed behind your words, startling you as it boomed. You both chuckled a bit as you came down from the minor fright and brought the flowers into the kitchen, placing them down on the counter for the time being.

This was his first time inside, despite walking you home on a handful of occasions when you two were seeing each other more regularly. The dates ended at the door with a soft kiss, and the chastity of it was endearing and even exciting in its own ways. It was part of that something new that made him want to spend his free time with you over taking a nap. Instead of looking around, the hero stepped into the kitchen and hugged you from behind, placing a familiar kiss on the nape of your neck after brushing your hair away to reveal it. You closed your eyes at his touch, all movement coming to a pause as you focused on that one point of contact.

“Even after more than a month, this feels natural to me,” he whispered softly, kissing the ridge of your ear afterwards. Keenly, you noticed that the time apart made him act bolder than before. It had been rare for him to initiate intimacy or romance, but now he was holding you from behind and placing soft kisses and sweet nothings against your skin

“What’s this?” you asked coyly as you turned around, leaning back against the counter and placing your hands on his chest. Dark eyes gazed down into yours as you smirked up at him, playful and impish as he tried earnestly to pick up his courtship where it was left off. “Did a bit of absence make you grow bolder, Aizawa-san?”

“Fonder,” he corrected you with a soft smile, his hand coming up to cup your cheek and tilt your head face towards his. “May I..?” His gentleness made you blush lightly, and you nodded, keeping your eyes on his until they slowly shut.

A ripple of crackling thunder tore through the romantic atmosphere, interrupting the kiss before it began and making you jump into his arms. Instinctively, he held you close, a hand on the back of your head as he kissed your hair. Your hidden cheeks were warm with a deep blush as you silently chided yourself for your skittishness. It wasn’t like you to be so on edge, but during unusually bad storms, an exception was made. Typhoons terrified you- they always had. As the thunder faded out, the lights began to flicker and you pulled back from the safety of a secure and warm hug. Winds howled as they drove raindrops into windows and walls, the stormy concerto hardly muted despite being inside.

“Ah- excuse me,” you gently pushed him away, turning to the stove and turning off everything that was on a simmer in the flickering light. He watched you for a second before stepping to your side.

“Do you have any candles? I’ll light them just in case.”

You paused from your task, looking at him with a hint of surprise. His calmness and rationality were always so attractive to you, and especially so right now. Your lips closed into a smile and you nodded. “Thank you. There’s a lighter in the drawer next to the fridge, and there are some candles already out in the living room. I think I have some tea lights in one of the hallway closets, too.” He nodded at your words, placing his hand on your lower back and giving your cheek a soft kiss before retrieving the lighter and leaving to light the candles as the electricity fed in and out.

Left alone, you got two bowls ready for dinner, finishing just in time as the electricity buzzed low before it cut out altogether. As you stepped into the dining area, you could see the soft glow of the candles Aizawa already lit, his silhouette moving around as the last of the smaller, circular ones came to life. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, admiring the hero as warm yellow light illuminated his handsomely rugged face. Once the fire caught onto the wick, he put out the lighter and looked up from the candle, catching you staring, presumably, at him.

Just as he opened his mouth to say something, the sky behind your shutters went white with lightning, another deafening cut of thunder following. Whatever he said was lost to that moment and didn’t return as he noticed you trembling. It only took a second, and he was at your side, taking the bowls from you and placing them on the dining table so he could pull you into his arms.

“It’s alright…” His voice was so gentle and soft, you wondered how you even heard it with the storm. You closed your eyes and wrapped your arms around his waist, focusing on the way his fingertips brushed through your hair and how his heart beat just a bit harder than you were used to. In his steadiness, he grounded you and made you feel safe. As he felt your shakiness calm, he leaned back so he could glance at your face in the candlelight and smiled. It was everything you needed right then and there, and you smiled back at him, relieved he was so caring and didn’t shame you for how the storm terrified you. Leaning into him as you rose onto your tiptoes, you pecked his lips.

“Thank you.”

You stepped out of his arms and disappeared back into the kitchen, returning with a bottle of wine and two appropriate glasses. He picked up the bowls with a smile, and instead of sitting at the table, Aizawa suggested cuddling up together on the couch because it’d be more relaxing (but you knew it was so you were close together for the coming claps of thunder). Even with the power out, you two managed to enjoy yourselves. It wasn’t much of a surprise since neither one of you relied on electronics and media to hold a conversation or pass the time. In the candlelight with the soft scent of berries blending into the air, you told him about why storms like the one today were so jarring, and he promised that he’d keep you safe. Dreams were exchanged, some smaller secrets uncovered and confessed, and your relationship deepened to a first-name basis.

With the bowls stacked on the coffee table, you laid with your back against his chest, comfortably between his legs as he reclined with his head using the arm of the couch as a pillow. Your forehead pressed against the crook of his neck while you idly played with his fingers, hands coming together only to part, continuing in a sweet back and forth. He rested his free hand on your stomach, holding you in his embrace as if he could shield you from the bright bursts of lightning and the roaring thunders that followed. You pressed your fingers between his and held his hand on your stomach, locking yourself away in his safety.

Slowly, you stopped playing with his hand and brought yours back to touch his cheek, turning your face to gaze up at him. The smaller candles had died, letting the room grow darker and darker as hours passed together. His hand joined yours on his cheek, and he softly kissed your palm before looking down at you.

“Stay the night. Please,” you whispered to him. Aizawa brought his hand to your chin and tilted it just a bit more, placing a soft kiss on your lips in response.

“Of course, (Y/N).” His lips befell yours once again. “Anytime you need me, I’ll hold you through the night.” The words were sincere, but he could still see the hesitance in your expression, so he hooked his pinky with yours and kissed the knuckle of his index finger as he stared into your eyes. “I promise.”

...You and me, and a bottle of wine- gonna hold you tonight.

[gyounisdnad]

Four favourite designs

Here are my four chosen ideas. 

Idea one is made by using a tick shape. The reason for this is because I wanted to use an unconventional shape which adds character to my type. It creates an uneven shape for the base of my type which helps symbolise an inherent goodness in everyone. This includes those who are vulnerable to knife crimes. 

My second idea is base on a three by three grid which creates the formation of each letter. Therefore, each square consists with rounded corners which resembles apps on mobile devices. The idea was inspired by existing apps such as Instagram and Twitter. 

The third idea is base on the icon which is used to open up your phone. Commonly seen mobile phones, is that prior to you entering a password to unlock it, you must swipe in an upwards direction. This provided me inspiration to create a type which adopts the upward direction and flow, as if you were to unlock the device. 

The final idea is made with a range of wavy lines. These lines are supposed to represent wires and would symbolise that everyone is connected to each other. This would create a sense of unity between real life and online individuals.

History of the tick

https://www.theguardian.com/notesandqueries/query/0,5753,-60164,00.html 

Paul, Ashiya, Japan

It can be said that the tick has come from the letter 'v' for 'veritas'. In Latin it is meant as truth or true.

Inspirations

1. https://ociostudio.com/Rechteck-Display-Type 

Ociostudio is a typography studio that specialises in simple, contemporary typefaces and simplistic design work. They have develop a typeface called Rechteck which is a thick and heavy type which is made up of individual squares that forms into letters. The squares are at a forty five degree angle and when combined together, the lettering is outlined with an zigzag shape. This gives the type a sharp and rough look which helps give the typeface attitude. Due to its spiky appearance, it can be suggested that the type has an aggressive tone. Overall, this typeface is distinctively different just by adding a simple shape.

2. https://www.behance.net/gallery/108463365/Square-Typeface-Free-Font?tracking_source=search_projects_recommended%7Ctypograghy%20square 

Another example of a typeface is the square typeface by retr0. The type can be seen as static with its sharp and defined lines. The lines are a stretch out rectangles which connects at each bend. These bends are at a ninety degree angle which gives them square shape, making the type simple. It is also made by lines through a range of different weights. Furthermore, it can be seen that the type lacks curves or rounded edges which reinforces the sharp and bold style. It can be suggested that there is consistency as each letter is uniformed and does not clash with any other letters paired with them. Overall, this shows me that you can uses a simple shape to make a unconventional type.

3. https://www.behance.net/gallery/53874837/Carre-Typeface?tracking_source=search_projects_recommended%7Ctypograghy%20square 

This typeface is called Carre by Isra Safawi. The typeface consists of multiple lines which are consistent in weight. The typeface also follows a square frame, where the lines are drawn in a certain boundary in order to maintain consistency between the letters. An unique feature with this type is that the extra space between the lines as they are is filled which creates a maze like shape to her lettering. Therefore, it creates depth and a three dimensional look to her type. Overall, Safawi is able to create a typeface which imitates a three dimensional style through the use of simple lines and spacing.

4. https://www.dandad.org/awards/professional/2019/typography/230511/the-new-york-times/

My DandAD inspiration is from the New York times magazine for 2019 competition. The text on the poster states, “DO YOU SEE”  and is made with a fading black and white pattern. The pattern itself is a series of lines that gradually becomes thicker which creates a gradient. This gradient is where the thinner lines makes the page whiter while the thicker lines appear more black. The lines also cuts and bends over themselves, making it similar to maze games that you would find in newspapers. The wording fads and slowly reveals itself once the pattern becomes darker. This helps ensure that you are engaged with what the piece is saying and grabs your attention. Overall, this project is able to use contrast in order to make it visually unique and different.

[mentalisttraceur]

Trust Thought

I think one of the main reasons I see so many people struggle with trust, is that no one’s ever shown them what healthy, evidence-based, earned trust looks like.

I think the archetype of trust I’ve seen espoused in American culture is a horrible template, because it’s fiat-based. Just started dating someone? Automatically expected to “trust” them. Roommates with someone? Automatically expected to “trust” them. That’s awful. If the prevailing narrative is to be believed, you’re just supposed to pretend you’re unaware that anyone you’ve met could be lying or manipulating. You’re supposed to train yourself to ignore that possibility, instead of establishing mutual openness and transparency upon which trust can actually be built. It’s like we’re “optimizing” for the critical failure case, teaching people it’s virtuous to widen the gap in which we don’t actually validate that the people we let closest are doing what we expect them to do.

Definition tangent: Now, to be clear, there is a difference between “benefit of the doubt” and “trust”. For the purpose of this ramble, “benefit of the doubt” means that you tentatively act as if what the person is being truthful by default, up to some reasonable threshold of risk, while remaining aware that they haven’t actually proven themselves yet. Complete “trust”, to me, is when you actually get to the point where you can accept that person’s representations about the world as a source of truth roughly approximating your own senses and memory and reason in accuracy. There’s obviously a contiguous fuzzy gradient in-between.

That said, I think part of the problem is that people feel like they’re entitled to not proving their trustworthiness. I frankly think that’s asinine. Give people benefit of the doubt, sure. But trust? Let me put it this way: Until you’ve known me well enough that you’re confident beyond a reasonable doubt that there’s no way that I’m kidnapping and raping people as a past-time, I expect you to remain vigilant for signs of me being engaged in such activities. Until you’ve known me well enough that you trust me with your life, I expect you to seriously consider the possibility that I might be out to kill you, or could be bought off by the people who do. Until you trust me with your bank accounts, I expect you to keep an eye out for me possibly trying to rob you. And so on. I don’t think you’d be a bad person for being weary of any of those things. In fact, I’d consider myself a bad person if I had a problem with you seriously considering those possibilities until you knew me well enough that they naturally faded from your mind.

The reverse side of that problem, is that people just aren’t taught to think with a healthy degree of critical/”what if” double-checking. “Okay, he says he did ‘x’, but what if he had actually done ‘y’ and is now lying?” Did any of us get raised to seriously listen to and evaluate any unexpected noises when we’re visiting a new acquaintance’s house? Did any of us get raised to actively seek out sources of yells that sounded like they may have been unclear calls for help in the distance? If a roommate brings someone over to spend the night, how many of us seriously consider that we might need to parse the sounds from the bedroom for signs of distress, as opposed to pleasure? I know I sure as hell didn’t, I just “lucked out” with the inclination to thoroughly consider the  spectrum of possibilities before me, and tendency to focus on the ones that cause the most human suffering, so I do the above as a matter of course now. But I don’t actually know of anyone else who does.

We’re taught that trust is an ideal end state but not how to get there, so most people seem to think it’s achieved by stifling suspicions/concerns. But no, the end state of trust is approached by accumulating enough evidence that you can genuinely comfortably feel that the suspicion/concern is so unlikely so as to not be worth thinking about. And, I assert that, barring obscenely evidence-defying cognitive gymnastics, suspicions and concerns ought to be taken seriously, given benefit of the doubt, and resolved with proactive openness and transparency, not internalized dismissal.

I also suspect that part of this strongly ties with the very problematic ideas of “faith” that permeate much of Western culture. We’re supposed to treat faith as a personal merit, instead of a blatant epistemological error. Even though it just boils down to convincing yourself that you know something is true when you actually don’t have enough evidence/information to feel that certain. Faith is the padding we’re taught to place between the evidence we have and the conclusions we’re suppose to hold (whether religious or otherwise).

This is all compounded by the fact that depending on how you look at it, there is a very thin line between mutual, equitable, consenting radical openness/honestly/transparency, and abusive, controlling, one-sided imposed openness/transparency. Many people have had really shitty experiences with relationship partners who were controlling and abusive, who insisted that they have access to your communications, location, etc. (Sidenote: those controlling abusers are assholes of a high severity, and you should never put up with their shit, and I’m sorry if you’ve had to.) Since so many people go through an experience with a controlling/shitty/abusive relationship partner who demands such access and uses it as leverage to get what they want, many people are rightly weary of anything that looks similar in future relationships. But I think in life there are many things which are necessary for approximating ethically ideal outcomes, but which can be severely misused. Radical openness and transparency is one of those things. I think it’s possible to have healthy, mutually agreed upon radical openness/transparency/access in a relationship, gradually ramped up as trust starts to build - and it’s invaluable for rapidly building evidence-based trust. Literally by definition, nothing can build trust like being radically open and transparent enough with each other that dishonesty has nowhere to hide.

As an example I’ve mentioned before, in my going-onto-nine-years relationship, this is exactly what we have (although we basically never utilize that access any more, because we basically no longer have any realistic concerns/fears/etc about each other’s minds). Once it seemed likely that we were compatible for a long-term/life-long relationship, the expectation was that we would have full access to each others’ accounts if we need to, and the was and remains a general attitude that we’re even fine with each other making use of that access even just out of idle curiosity rather than only in emergencies. But it’s important to note: this access is given in an equitable (rather than one-sided) way, and, after years of trust were built, it’s become entirely acceptable for one of us to say to the other “don’t view this account until further notice” or whatever, and it is precisely because of so many years of being radically open to each other that no suspicion or paranoia can really creep in under even the most extreme of circumstances anymore.

As a thought experiment, I encourage people to contemplate if your methodology for building trust in relationships can survive an intelligent, skilled, and fundamentally selfish to the core manipulator as a relationship partner. While I won’t pretend what we do in my relationships is bulletproof, I do think that we create an environment in which anything short of proactive honesty between each other simply cannot remain hidden. But it’s definitely better than the cultural default model of “trust on faith” or whatever.

Of course, you don’t have to adopt the radical transparency/access extreme like I do with my partner(s). But I think most people could benefit from thinking about trust, especially in personal relationships deeply entwined into our lives, more as something which grows with evidence that the person presents a truthful account of things, especially when it’s hard or inconvenient for them. Hopefully that makes the concept of being able to find someone that you might be able to trust one day seems more feasible when building trust is reconsidered from this perspective.

[joshuasm28]

Nauticfish Thusunt | Hands on Watch Review

Nauticfish Thusunt

As I have said many times before, In the world of watches, the competition is fierce. You may have not heard of Nauticfish if you are newer to the watch world, but they have been around for at least 10 years. They are brand that honestly had dropped off my radar for a bit, until I saw them posting about this new model on social media. The new model is the Nauticfish Thusunt (Thousand) and while it has great specs and is obviously a dive watch, I feel the design itself may have been a little safe. It reminds me of a Deep Blue and a Benarus Moray. That is not necessarily a bad thing either, both of those brands make attractive watches. The Thusunt is not exactly cheap though either, coming in around $900, as it houses an ETA 2824 automatic movement. So, is it worth the price, or more specifically, will you think it is worth the price. Keep reading for the full details.

Nauticfish Thusunt Specifications:

43mm Case Width

48mm Lug to Lug

16mm Thick

22mm Lug Width

Domed Sapphire Crystal

1000 Meters Water Resistant

Leather, Rubber, or Steel Bracelet Options

Price $938 USD

http://www.nauticfish.com/asp/home/index.asp?Programm=211&Suchen=&Data_Art=0&Data_Typ=0&Data_Material=0&Data_Werk=0&Data_Zustand=0&Data_Sort=1&Data_Sortwie=&data_Hersteller=873&data_modell=0&OK=Search+now

The aesthetics of the Nauticfish Thusunt are pleasing, even if familiar. The markers and hands are easy to see, the bezel ratchets nicely and the crown is nicely protected by machined crown guards. I do feel the screws on the bezel were not necessary. They do not add any function and I’m not sure they add anything in the looks department either. The white hour and minute hand look like they have tritium lume applied to them, but it is just the way the lume paint was applied, no tritium on this watch. The second hand is not lumed either, but more on that in a bit. True to the all “tool” watch diver look, the case is all satin brushed and I will say it is all uniform and even, the whole watch feels very well put together and finished.

Something I am sure some out there are sick of me saying is that the HRV or Helium Release Valve is not needed and watch companies should stop putting them on the watch. I have gone in-depth on this subject before, so if you are not familiar with why it is completely unnecessary, I ask you to google it and you should find the info easily. I will say even though I find the HRV to be overkill, at least on this Nauticfish Thusunt they decided to give it a black PVD coating that I think kinda looks cool, at least better than what it normally looks like. On the other hand people may start asking why you have a button on the side of your watch and what does it do. If they do that, tell them it ruins the credit of people that ask silly questions. They will probably get the point quick.

The profile of the bezel and the case itself have that rugged diver look about it and the bezel is easy to grasp and turn, as it should be. Being 1000 meters water resistant that does make the case back thicker than say something 200 meters water resistant, but the back is not domed so you don’t get that bubble back type of deal where it raises up on your wrist a bit. Even though the Nauticfish Thusunt is 43mm in width, the case back and the domed crystal give it an overall much chunkier appearance than it really is, but some people are going to love that.

Beating away inside the Nauticfish 2824, one of the most popular movements put in automatic watches over the past 20 years. It is for a reason of course, it has been proven to be reliable, accurate and has a nice smooth sweep because of its high beat rate. Of course, it still is a standard base Swiss Automatic that gets the job done. Fortunately Nauticfish went with a solid case back and didn’t try to show off the movement just for the sake of showing off the movement. There is nothing to see anyways, it is rather plain looking.

I love leather and I do not really mind it on dive watches, but I do admit it is rather odd to ship a dive watch mounted on a leather strap. Nauticfish does include a silicone rubber in the box as well, and I love the leather strap they used, it is phenomal and feels great against the wrist. I think many would agree though that a bracelet or a really great custom natural rubber strap would have been nice at this price point. If you do not actually plan to take it into the water at all though,    the leather really is great.

The one thing I really did not mention yet is the gradient dial. I will be honest, I first I was not sure if the watch had a gradient dial or not. I might still not be. It is not easy to photograph because of the domed sapphire and the way the light hits it, and I really thought at first it was just a shadow effect. Looking closer though, you can see that it gets lighter towards the middle of the dial, gradually, and offers something other than a solid color dial. It is not a very vibrant gradient dial though, but after all, this is supposed to me more of a tool watch and not blingy. I think the wrist shot above shows it off the best.

The one major flaw of the Nauticfish Thusunt is the lume, or lack thereof. I have always stated I do not consider myself a lume junkie and being real, most of the time at night my phone is right there with me or I’m in the car and the time is right there etc. I have stated many times though, If you are going to apply lume to a watch, especially a dive watch, it should be good and last long. The pic below was after 45 seconds of exposure to light and it is the best it will look. While it may seem okay in this pic, check out the Youtube video above to see how quickly it starts to fade.

What’s the consensus here on the Nauticfish Thusunt? Well, I will say that the build quality and overall presentation is great and it does wear comfortable on the wrist, which is important. The lume is lacking and I would have liked if a bracelet were part of the package, as at this price point I think they are somewhat on the high side. Granted, every business is different and pricing is different to justify their costs. I don’t think everyone needs to compete with the $300 Kickstarter brands but at $700 I think there would be a bigger audience for these. Ultimately the decision is up to you, so what do you think? Leave your comments down below.

Edit* A bracelet option is offered for another $130 added to the cost, but it is not a nice beefy link bracelet with a great dive clasp, rather it is a somewhat generic looking mesh bracelet.

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