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littlechinesedoll · 2 years

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Harvest Festival drabble

Part 1 tumblr | ao3

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Above are some screenshots from Justice League Unlimited Season 3 episode 2, “For the Man Who Has Everything.” Edited Clark to be older. It’s something to go with the fic. It was part of the inspiration for this chapter.

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Bruce has an appointment with his Kryptonian doctor the day after their Union. Kal makes excuses for Bruce with the Medical Guild and instead, on the days after their Union on the Harvest Festival, he lets Bruce feign illness.

Their reproductive endocrinologists are furious. It will take weeks of additional medication to get Bruce to release another batch of ova. This angers Kal, and he tells the doctors that even if they plan to only store their reproductive material for later insemination, he lies and says he and Bruce have not decided yet on bringing forth children.

“You’re not getting any younger, Kal-El,” says the lead doctor.

“Well then, let’s hope my young mate doesn’t become a widow so soon,” Kal sneers.

It’s as if these doctors believe a Union is only for rearing children. Indeed, Krypton needs children, and it is their job to make sure that Unions are successful at reproducing, raising these children, and repopulate the planet. But Kal will not give this planet his children.

Bruce sequesters himself in Kal’s home, staying out of sight of the public. It’s a grand house provided by the government since Kal is of a high rank. Floor to ceiling windows overlooking the farm about to be harvested. It’s a reprieve for him that the workers don’t ever bother the councilor’s new mate.

He’s largely left alone, except for the servant girl he’s been given by the High Council, a rankless named Ona, who’d mistakenly told him about being medicated without his knowledge. (1) He can see she’s honest and hadn’t known he’d been kept in the dark, so he keeps her. She’s the one who turns away visitors, who are mostly of the same rank as Kal, and receives their gifts when they’re at the door, wishing to meet Kal’s mate. She tells them he’s unwell and cannot entertain guests.

She helps him dress since he knows Kal likes the flowing, floor length robes on him when he comes home. He’s told her that he can dress himself, but she insists on doing everything for him (people under Alfred weren’t even like this—didn’t find joy in serving) to make up for her inability to keep her mouth shut. But Bruce has told her that had been a good thing. (And Bruce secretly likes the corset like things she laces up in the morning—if he’s gonna be depressed, he might as well look good.)

“Please take me with you!” Ona begs her master late in the night before he retires. Bruce had confided in her earlier that day that they won’t be staying on Krypton.

Kal never intended to keep her longer than he and Bruce were staying. “Ona, Bruce has more on Earth than I do here. He’s basically a prince,”

The girl falls to her knees. “Please,” she cries. “This is the kindest House I’ve ever served. Please don’t leave me. I will swear I will take great care of Master Bruce,”

Kal sighs. The only way she’ll be protected is if a House receives her, therefore giving her a name and a sigil. But Kal isn’t the head of his House. It’s not his decision to receive a rankless. So he concedes. “Alright, you can come with us,”

Ona sobs in relief and gratitude.

Kal tells her that Earth can change her, that if she wants to serve them, she will have to do as he says, and promise to do one thing for him.

She agrees to obey.

Kal gives her a necklace with a blue crystal pendant. He tells her it’s to protect her and she can only take it off if she’s willing to carry the burdens and responsibilities Sol, the yellow sun of Earth, will bestow her. She immediately puts the necklace on. All she wants is to serve the House that has been nothing but kind to her.

What surprises her, when Kal helps her off the floor, is that he tells her that on Earth, if in the future, she wants to stay but be released from Kal’s House, to be released from the invisible chains of a rankless, all she has to do is ask, but she must keep the necklace on no matter what.

Ona vows to him as her master to never take it off and watches her master’s back as he leaves. She’s just been told she can have her freedom. She doesn’t know if she wants it.

A week after the feigned illness, Bruce pleads for Kal to let him go back to Earth. He can’t bear to be on Krypton any longer, and that’s not just the homesickness talking. Kal pulls the strings a man of his rank can manage and arranges for a journey to Earth without it alerting the High Council, and the Agricultural Council, which he heads.

This of course, displeases the High Council when it’s reported to them almost a week later after they’ve left, that Kal-El together with his mate and servant, has left the planet for Earth. Their displeasure further grows when they learn of Kal-El’s refusal to comply with the reproductive program he had agreed to, and the disrespect he’s shown the team of doctors assigned to manage the course.

Bruce requests they go to Kal’s childhood home.

They arrive in Smallville without fanfare. The house Kal grew up in is more of a bachelor’s country home, surrounded by vast fields of crop, much like his grand home on Krypton, that he cares for himself. Jonathan and Martha Kent joined their creator decades ago, just after Kal had gotten used to his abilities in his mid-twenties. The morning after, Bruce stands in front of their gravestones, out on the property under an apple tree.

“You raised a wonderful son, Mr. and Mrs. Kent,” Bruce says as he lays down a wreathe of flowers. “I’m glad to have met him,”

Kal wraps arm around his mate, hand around a him as he brings him closer. “They would have loved it if you called them Ma and Pa,”

Bruce leans his head on Kal’s sturdy shoulder. “Ma and Pa,”

Ona is a busy bee. After teaching her the basics of caring for a Terran home, Kal realizes she’s a quick learner and takes to everything with ease. He has to tell her to sleep at noon after lunch or else she’ll clean the entire house from top to bottom despite having already cleaned after breakfast is served.

She’s at Bruce’s beck and call, serves their meals after Kal cooks, cleans up after them, and only sleeps after both have retired to their room, and wakes up before the sun is up to help Kal with the farm.

A week after arriving on Earth, Bruce has one of his most emotional bleeds. It’s three days of non-stop crying. Kal doesn’t leave him alone for a second.

Bruce tells him there’s more blood than usual, but there isn’t. The cramps don’t let him get out of bed and Bruce doesn’t feel like the hot water bottles and painkillers are doing anything. Kal holds him and massages his belly and his lower back in attempt to ease the aches.

“I don’t want to go back,” Bruce says, when all that’s left on his pads are spots, and he snuggles further into Kal’s warm embrace. “Please don’t take me back,”

Kal cradles his mate and kisses his hair. “Never,”

They agree on a schedule. A week out of every month, Kal goes back to Krypton to resume his duties. As a representative of Krypton to Earth, Bruce gathers it’s much like being an ambassador of a country in another land. Kal tells him, he’s slowly transferring his duties and is requesting for more assistants and delegating more work to them, without telling them of course, with the plan of a surprise resignation once everything has settled into a new routine. Kal plans to commit to being Krypton’s envoy on Earth full time, together with his cousins, Kara Zor-El and Van-El. (2)

The time Kal spends with Bruce though, is time Kal uses to make up for his mistakes. He lets Bruce choose whether or not they sleep in the same bed, every night. He treats it like they’re not married yet, like’s he’s courting Bruce according to human customs by taking him out on dates, bringing him places he thought he’d never get to visit or see even with money, bringing him flowers from exotic places and chocolates from Europe, or food from Bruce’s favorite places out of the country. They watch movies together, cook together, redecorate the Kent home together, go shopping (Kal finds shopping a nightmare because Bruce doesn’t know when to stop), have picnics on the farm, watch stars. Through all these activities, they stay in Smallville, and Bruce asks his side of the family not to disturb him.

They don’t have sex.

Growing up on Earth, Kal’s Terran upbringing and the traditions and strict rules of Krypton often clashed. He had never engaged in any physical intimacy with anybody, believing he should respect the way of his home planet. He agreed to the reproductive program believing it was right. But the longer he kept the secret from his soon to be mate, the more he questioned the rigid rules of Krypton’s culture. And then he saw the disappointed face of his mate when he learned of his betrayal.

At the turns of the moon, Bruce bleeds and never misses. After that first bleed, Bruce doesn’t anymore come to him to ask for comfort. Instead, he takes pain killers for the cramps and goes on to work and go about his days like the cramps didn’t incapacitate him the first time Kal held him through it.

“I didn’t want to think about it,” Bruce answers when Kal asks, one day when they’re snuggled together on the couch watching some nature documentary on Discovery. “I want to go back to Gotham now,”

Kal chuckles. “Trying to escape the sun, are you?” he jokes, pressing a kiss to Bruce’s temple.

Bruce shrugs. “Maybe,” he looks up at Kal and jokes, “This Kansas sun is way too much for my sensitive, porcelain skin,”

A bubble of laughter erupts from the Kryptonian. “I’ll need to provide better shade then,”

In time, Kal will propose marriage to Bruce the Terran way. He’ll have to save up for a ring, set up something romantic and fancy, and kneel in front of the love of his life at sunset, and ask him to marry him.

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Notes:

(1) in the series Krypton, a rankless Kryptonian is one without a sigil or a House (or not allowed to use the sigil of their House if stripped of rank), and a guild. They are mostly used for labor and menial jobs. A guild is like a career. Kryptonians are made and created for their guilds. Their lives are planned out before they’re created, since children are formed in labs—Kryptonians do not reproduce sexually. The House El is from the Science Guild since Kal’s parents are scientists. Jor-El may have been involved with Earth sciences since he brought the issue of seismic activity to Krypton’s High Council. Lara Lor-Van/Jor-El may have been involved with technological advancements. Kal-El is now involved in agriculture which is also a branch of science that deals with food production—a farmer like his foster parents on Earth. I decided to adopt this because Justice League Unlimited inspired me and because it’s what Clark grows up on Earth with.

(2) Van-El is Clark’s dream son in the JLU S01E02 “For the Man Who Has Everything.” He was voiced by Josh Hutcherson.

there’s a lot of stuff about Ona, but I wanted to explain the culture of Krypton because drama!!

#superbat #clark kent #my fic #fanfic #superman #batman #bruce wayne #no capes #fanfiction #omegaverse #mpreg

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twopoppies · 3 years

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Firstly No pressure to read any of the below it’s just a lil rant after I ended up on the wrong side of tumblr!! ( + I have ADHD and i forgot my meds lol so its a bit disoriented and all over the place) and no response necessary unless you want to!

Oh god I accidentally ended up on the wrong side of tumblr....never ever ever ever again, I went back so fastttt lol im laughing at myself rn for how quickly i clicked away from disgust

i ended up on a blog that stalks u and some other larries and says absolutely atrocious things abt louis (I can send u their @ if u'd like so u can block them) and fully bought the stunt bs happening rn and it was horrible obvs but like i just do not understand like it was so creepy gina and im just so disgusted bc why? yk?

like u were not joking abt anti's actually being obsessed with larries - like half this person's blog was talking abt you and amy and i was just so shocked cause why??? like mate come on what the actual f? get a life please?? (im quite new so im like just now realising how insanely weird and obsessed these anti's are)

Also it was just an overall eye opener for multiple things:

Starting with that 1. the way 1DHQ and 1D Management managed to alienate larries actually worked and i like knew but truly doing a proper deep dive and seeing multiple blogs hate on larries and like obsessively stalk us was insane?? Like they truly believe everything they’re being fed???

Side Note: Lowkey feeling very lucky to have had the education i have because even before i even joined this fandom i believed partially none of the relationships in the news bc like i knew abt this industry and how it worked yk? i mean its logic? i have so many mates that arent even in the fandom that know i am in the fandom and texted me when the articles started rolling out calling it out for what it was: A PR stunt

Hell someone i know whom i had never even talked abt fandom stuff/stunt stuff fully texted me making a joke out of it!!! like people who aren’t even in our fandom can see it and its just insanely surprising that if they can why cant the antis?? im just a bit shocked rn

both from 1. finding someone who actually believes in this stunt and 2. multiple blogs that fully commit their time to stalking u and other larries and once again i knew but fully seeing it

YK AT FIRST I WAS LIKE IS THIS A JOKE I DIDNT BELIEVE IT GINA I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS PULLING MY LEG OR THIS PERSON WAS IDK BEING SARCASTIC AND HAD A MESSED UP SENSE OF HUMOUR but ye anyway

It made me realise that 1DHQ knew what the fuck they were doing when they were trying to alienate larries from the rest of the fandom, once again i am feeling extraordinarily grateful to have grown up with an education where i was literally taught to never trust anything and to always think things thru using logic - “does it makes sense to you? if not find out why, there usually a reason behind everything” my yr 9 english teacher used to say smth like that all the time and it just never left me bc she was always teaching us to judge everything and to take every piece of news we read entertainment or otherwise with a grain of salt and to always if we’re gonna give someone else our opinion or spread this information do our research (its what i am when i say i feel lucky to have had the education i have had)

Eye Opener 2: Anti’s are fully standing y’all u were 100% correct this is some next level stan behaviour if i’ve ever seen some, you’re famous gina!!

It is while surprisingly to realise that anti’s fully believe these things, more surprising to see how they treat larries bc why on earth would u treat any other human being this way??? like dont get me wrong they’re horrible ppl and i fully felt like sending them a message telling them exactly that but i would never bc i just dont want to make another person feel bad abt themselves even if they are that shitty of a person and it was very tempting

I just would like to understand why they feel the need to do this? like why hate on a whole other person? for what believing smth diff to u? having a difference of opinion? how tf are they gonna make it when they get a job??? like??? do u know how often i run into a person with a different opinion then me? it shouldn’t be that big of a deal! we should still be able to be friends with antis! but we’re not - not for lack of trying btw!! they’re just so mean and rude??? when i was in other fandoms when someone believed different things there was never this much hatred at someone for it!! hell there was barely any bc it was understood that it was normal to have diff opinions abt things and i just am truly fascinated by these ppl i swear they remind how stupid the human race can sometimes be not for what they believe (altho ngl a lil of that too) but for how they treat other ACTUAL human beings with different opinions to them

Eye Opener 2.5: Some people need lives, man like they proper do need lives and something to do maybe a hobby or smth? just like a life they need to get one of those and actual live it

and Eye Opener 3: I already felt this way but like even god damn stronger now you deserve a formal apology from both 1DHQ and the universe

and until we get that u deserve amazing things coming from the boys on your bdays to make up for it

Lastly Gina I hope you didn't read thru all that bc I couldn’t even read it over and thus sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and I would also like to say that I love your blog and everything about you! you’re an absolute angel and one of the kindest ppl I have ever had the pleasure of well not meeting but stumbling across, you truly make this fandom a much much much better place with your presence (I shudder to think of it without u) that said if you ever need to take breaks or leave Im sure you already know but you should 100%

You first!!! Always! :)

Have a good day Gina, I hope its an absolutely amazing one!

Hi darling. LOL! Reading this was like talking with my kids when they don't take their ADHD meds. Lots of excited thoughts!! I loved it.

And yeah, that blog and their 4 followers are really... not well. But you're very right. 1DHQ made this fandom a breeding ground for people to hate larries and to think it's something Harry and Louis would both approve of. It's gross.

The gaslighting here is powerful, so thank goodness for fans like you who know to question what they're told and to look at things with logic and to do their best to see through their own biases.

Thank you for all the sweet words and your offer to kick butt (in your other message). I really appreciate it!

#long post

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25th · 4 years

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i swear my tumblr mutuals are the kindest people on this earth

#🥰🥰🥰#.txt

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suhoerections · 5 years

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OH MY GOD THIS BLOG TURNED 1 ON THE 21ST AND I FORGOT ASKDJFHASJKF BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUHOERECTIONS AND EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWS I’M GONNA GO ON A RANT ABOUT MY MUTUALS UNDER THE READ MORE TAG OKAY BUT BASICALLY I LOVE ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS YEAR SO INCREDIBLE <3333

also shout out to all my followers i’m not mutuals with but enjoy my content and reblog/like my work, I really appreciate yall, keep up the good work you’re all beautiful

okay this isn’t in any particular order i’m just going off who i remember and i’m trying to not miss anyone so if i do feel free to call me out and also i’m sorry if i don’t write as much for some people asdfjkhasd

@ninibears-erigom

okay look,,, you’re literally such an amazing person and the reason why i didn’t straight up deactivate in january like you helped me so much during that time and also through so much other stuff and I’m so thankful for you,, you’re one of the most realist and most amazing people I’ve ever met. I love you so much you’re literally the best mother i could have ever asked for like i want to squeeze the life out of you god. I seriously cannot express how much i love and appreciate you like?? I’m tearing up writing this because you’re literally one of the most amazing people to walk this Earth like??? and even though i’m a shit head and i spam you with ‘ayla’ 20 times just to tell you i did a good shit,,, you still love me?? also like you’re literally the reason i write???? that sounds so dumb but you’re seriously my muse,, i genuinely look upto you as a person because you’re so strong, wonderful, amazing, genuine, beautiful, sweet, caring, kind and that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. I love you so much and I have to cut this short cause i’m gonna feel bad cause i wrote so much asdkjfh but you’re amazing and i swear if you say otherwise i’ll eat all the lactose in the world (i cried writing this stfu) also you are nini’s cheek spreader :>>

@thesoondongiefiles

You’re like?? my literal best friend?? and probably one of the best people i’ve met on this hell site,, i really don’t regret randomly messaging you “hey i need aussie friends” asdkjfh but fr i love you so much and you’ve been with me through thick and thin and i really appreciate it so much like you’re so amazing and kind and your art is actually so beautiful like you’re such an amazing person you don’t even know the start of it you dummy. I love how we can be ourselves around each other even though we haven’t known each other the longest but still, you’re my favorite soondongie and i love you so much man,, like we talk so much you’ve literally just become the older sister i never had and i really appreciate that like man idek what to write cause i just really appreciate you,, you’re just amazing and i love you very much and i hope we can meet one day cause you’re not that far away from me and i really love you ehehe

@chanyeolol

KUKI MY FREAKING CHILD I LOVE YOU AND HELL YOU’RE SO AMAZING OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG idek kuks you’re just the best and you’re like the first mutual i made on this hellsite and damn you’re also like the best?? like i love how hyperactive you are you dummy you keep me on my toes and i love talking with you even if it takes me days to reply on instagram (sorry i’m barely active there askdjfh) but fr i love you very much and i really appreciate you and you’re so freaking BEAUTIFUL and i’ll bop you on the head if you say otherwise you dummy i love you

@letsmakeitforever

FUY MY GOD like i pray to you everyday smh i love you,,, like you’re amazing and cute and like you’re so NICE jesus christ i want to hug the shit out of you,, you’re sweet as fuck and istg you’re just great?? and i love that i can talk to you about sucking Jungkook’s dick cause like almost all my mutuals don’t stan bts so its nice to have an army friend,, i also really appreciate you and the support you’ve shown me and i always try and send you asks but i never know if they get through because my tumblr likes to fuck up but bottom line is i think you’re literally one of the most amazing people akjsdfha

@kyungseokie

OH BOY HERE COMES A TRAIN WRECK,, dia,, my child,, i love you very much and you always make me DIE with those freaking things where you just cut the conversation short and go “hey junmyeon would fuck you in a change room” LIKE JESUS CHRIST LET ME BREATHE but at the same time i sorta just drop like ksoo bombs as well so aksjdfhkj i guess its fair hehe but seriously!!! i love sharing ideas with you cause you’re literally so creative and you’re so amazing and have such a way with words like your writing is so magnificent no one can compare like you’re a poet with words akjsdfhkajs and you’re such a sweetheart too?? like i could write a whole ass page filled with positive words to describe you because you’re so beautiful and sweet and kind like gosH you’re such an amazing person i love you very much <33

@heonythighs

well howdy partner welcome to ram ranch askdfjhds gosh the horniest cowboy ever, 10/10 commentary, you’re amazing to converse with cause you’re just greaT and like idk you’re just super fun to talk to?? like i always laugh my ass off when we converse cause you’re a comedic genIUS i swear and you’re also the horniest chanyeol stan i’ve ever met oh god asdkfhasdkj but you’re jsut a really fun person and you’re also so amazing in general like fr fr your cowboy hat should have a label on it that says “i’m the best cowboy fuck all you bitches” like ugH i love you you’re so cool and just so chill i hope you have a fun time at ram ranch with your cowboys

@byunfirstlady

LAURE LOOK NOT TO PLAY FAVORITES BUT YOU’RE MY FAVORITE MUTUAL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ASDKFJHAS like idek how to describe it but i could write so much about how much of an amazing person you are like you’re so cute and sweet and you always tag me in stuff (i need to tag you in more bbh adkjfh) but you’re such an artist like your work is so amazing!! i always feel so inspired by your work and it never fails to make me write!! you’re also the sweetest person on this site and your tags make me c r y like Laure you’re just so beautiful and sweet and i just combust because you’re so adorable,,, i want to hug you you’re so amazing and you’re so sweet ugh i could go on forever about this because you’re such a cutie i swear and you’re so fun to talk to as well like i really like discussing my fic ideas with you, especially the bbh series i’m writing askdjfh anyways i better stop before i take up a whole thing of why i love you so much you’re adorable <333

@flowerline8

ugh my number 1 nini stan !!!! i love writing nini stuff for you because you’re just so amazing and i love your tags they always make me smile,, you’re also adorable and funny to talk with and you’re also super beautiful ??? like i think its illegal how beautiful you are btw like its just the law,,, you’re under arrest for being too beautiful, sweet and kind. Like ugh Pauline you’re so sweet i want to hug you bc you’re so sweet but then again you’re so chaotic it makes me laugh adskfjhas like idek how to describe it but its so funny but fr fr you’re so sweet and you deserve everything <33

@fairyyeols

SIENNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY OTHER MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!! gosh what a hoe i love you akdsfjhasjk you’re also too sweet like >:(( call me cute again i dare you like YOU’RE the cute one in this relationship smh,,, pcy agrees kdfak but ugh you’re just so nice i swear to the lord above god was making you in his little bowl and accidentally dropped all the sweetness in your mix cause you’re just so sweet omg,, like Enna you’re so amazing and your writing!!!! *chef kiss* exquisite just like you. You’re also hella funny??? like you’re sweet AND funny like that’s not fair, you’ve gotta have something else bad about you but no! cause guess what! YOU’RE ALSO SO BEAUTIFUL WTH!?!?! so you’re beautiful, literally the sweetest person alive, funny as and am an amazing author,,, like you’re too perfect for this world,,, you’re such an amazing person i hope you get everything you ever want <33

@multi-yeol

GRACE AKJDSFHKSJ i remember the first time we talked was such a mess jesus christ you’re so chaotic i love it and gosh you’re also so beautiful, funny and amazing?? like you’re gonna look at this and go ‘no i’m not’ but you are just saying asdkjf you’re so sweet and like a genuinely good person??????? like how can you be both that and super freaking beautfiul??? my tiny brain can’t comprehend your amazing-ness,, you deserve the whole freaking world you sweetheart asdfhkdh

@cbxtual

Hope, my fellow weeb,,, we don’t talk as much but i do miss it! you’re funny and a great friend and i really miss all the times we’d say dumb shit with grace in the group chat aksjdfhak you’re also really funny and like?? idk you’re just great in general?? like your writing,,, god tier,,, your personality,,,, amazing,,, your looks,,,,, beautiful,,,, like Hope, you’re the full package man ugh and I HOPE you have a great time hehehe (sorry i couldn’t help myself) akdsjfhas but i’m still writing that yoongi fluff for you its just buried under all my other wips but i will get around to it adsfkjah

@naminalati

all i have to say is you’re the kindest person to ever exist and we haven’t talked much so i can’t really say a lot sorry but you’re just so kind and sweet?? like you’re the literal definition of a sweetheart and you’re the cutest person i’ve ever witnessed <33 I hope you have an amazing day because i really appreciate you and you’re just so amazing and beautiful and i have no idea how long you’ve been following me but you’ve been there for ages and i appreciate it

@abunnycotton @khelmatic @yayitsjay @k-pop-trashx

OKAY so i’ve never talked to any of yall but like !!!!! i see yalll in my activity a lot and i just want you to know that i really love and appreciate you all because you’re all beautiful sweethearts who deserve the world, thank you

#these tags better work god #anyways enjoy :>>>#i didn't edit any of these asdjkfhas

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blustersquall · 6 years

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Only Make Believe // Chapter 30: The Author’s Home

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your patience in getting this new chapter up. No warnings for this chapter that I can think of. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. <3

The link to the chapter on AO3 is at the bottom of the chapter under the read more because tumblr’s algorithm blows.

December 30th

One of the things Cullen liked most about Varric was that despite his wealth and his popularity as a writer, he lived modestly. His home in Kirkwall was a simple town house. There was nothing attention grabbing or vulgar about it from the outside. Situated in Kirkwall’s more ‘middle class’ district, it was at the centre of everything. Varric never was one to flaunt his money or the reach he had with his books. His grounded nature regarding money was one of his best qualities, in Cullen’s opinion.

After the ship docked in Kirkwall, it was a short ten-minute drive to Varric’s house. Out front there was enough space for several cars to park, so Cullen pulled in giving enough room for other vehicles to pass by. There were two other cars already parked side-by-side. One was Varric’s and one Cassandra’s.

Being by the sea, Kirkwall had been spared most of the winter weather. It was cold, a bitingly harsh wind cutting through the air and striking right down to the bone with every strong gust, but there was no snow. The wind brought with it the overwhelming smell of the sea. A pleasant scent, and one that Cullen would always associate with Kirkwall.

Given how the events at Kinloch affected him, he was always surprised that what happened in Kirkwall did not do the same. Perhaps it was because he had friends living in the city, or perhaps because he did try to help when everything happened, and the city was in pandemonium. Perhaps he didn’t carry the same amount of guilt with him when it came to Kirkwall as he did with Kinloch. Or he understood the grief better to deal with it as an adult from an adult’s eyes rather than Kinloch from a teens. He wasn’t sure. It wasn’t something he spent a lot of time thinking about… Not something he allowed himself to spend much time thinking about. So much of his life had been spent looking to the past. It was about time he started looking more towards the future.

Nevena was a bundle of excited nerves beside him in the car when he turned the engine off. He thought back to their arrival that first day in Haven and the contrast to now. It was like seeing a completely different woman.

Arriving at Haven she had been silent, stiff, and all the colour drained from her face turning her grey. He remembered how her breathing increased, how panic and fear took over her. He knew then that their arrangement would be nothing like he had dealt with before. That Nevena would need a gentle hand, guidance, and a silent support. No one had a reaction like hers without a reason. Once he learned the reason for her fear, he understood.

Now, she was excitedly looking around, eager to get out of the car. Her face was flush with almost child-like glee and wonder, eyes bright and wide. She leaned forward in her seat, pulling on the seat belt as if to get a better look at the house. Cullen’s chest swelled whenever he caught a glimpse of her infectious smile. He was gone. So very, very far gone. He hoped his closest friends would like her – but he knew even if they did not, he would still adore her.

“This is such a gorgeous house,” Nevena stated, walking around the car to the boot to help Cullen get their suitcases. “I would love a place like this.”

“What about your flat?” asked Cullen, placing his case on the ground and reaching for Nevena’s.

“Oh, I love my flat,” she shrugged, “but I’d love a bit more space. An office would be nice, a bathroom with a claw footed tub… and a separate kitchen.”

“Even though you can’t cook?” Cullen teased.

“Even though I can’t cook.” She poked her tongue out, “But a place like this with a nice big garden for a dog or two. It’d be perfect.”

Cullen slammed the boot closed, “that does sound nice.” After locking up the car, he grabbed his case and went to pick up Nevena’s. She beat him to it, lifting it off the ground and followed him towards the front door.

Before they reached it, the door opened wide to reveal two people standing in the threshold. Cassandra, tall, her dark hair still short with a braid around the crown of her head, her beautiful sharply angled face smiling at him stood beside Varric. He was shorter, broad across the chest and shoulders, his dirty blond hair beginning to grey a little around the temples was pulled into a short ponytail. Despite the cold, he still wore his shirt with a few buttons undone, displaying the top of an impressive chest of hair.

Behind him, Cullen heard Nevena gasp. “That’s Varric Tethras!” she almost squeaked.

“Curly!” Varric greeted, opening his arms wide and stepping down the steps towards them. Cullen put his suitcase on the ground, accepting the welcoming hug. “It’s been way too long!” Varric squeezed him and leaned back, lifting Cullen a few inches off the ground. Cullen sucked in a breath and was grateful when his feet found solid earth again, not used to being so easily lifted. That Varric managed not to give himself a hernia was impressive.

“I know,” Cullen patted him on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you, Varric.”

“Good to see you, Cullen.” Cassandra hugged him, tight and heartfelt. He returned it, happy to be reunited with his friends. Despite her sometimes austere appearance, Cassandra was one of the kindest women Cullen knew, and one of the sappiest. She always gave good hugs, and this was no exception. He viewed her as another sister… just slightly less nosy.

“You too,” he smiled at her when they released the hug. She looked healthy, and happy. Stepping away, Cullen reached out towards Nevena who was standing a few steps behind him. He placed his hand on her lower back, guiding her forward. “This is Nevena Trevelyan. Nev, this is Cassandra Pentaghast.”

“Nice to meet you,” Cassandra shook Nevena’s hand firmly.

“You too.”

“And—”

“Varric Tethras.” Varric gave her hand a brief shake before sweeping in to take Nevena’s attention as Cullen knew he would. “So, Curly tells me you’re quite the fan!”

“Uh…”

“Which of my books have you read?” He guided her up the steps towards the front door. Nevena threw a look at Cullen over her shoulder, eyes gleaming with what Cullen could only assume was both panic and awe.

“Uhm—all… of them?” Nevena replied, her voice a little stilted. Cullen found himself smiling. “Thank you for the copy of The Viper’s Nest, too,” she added hurriedly. “It’s my favourite, and my original copy, I read it to death – literally. I’m just… I really, uh—”

Varric laughed and turned back to face Cullen at the top step, “I like this one,” he said. “You should keep her.” Before Cullen could rebuff him, Varric was already leading Nevena inside the house, talking about showing her around and letting her see his office. Cullen overheard something about a new manuscript, which was drowned out by an excited shriek.

When both Varric and Nevena had disappeared inside, Cullen looked to Cassandra who gave him a fond, if slightly exasperated look, shaking her head a little. “He’s terrible, I know.”

“Just being a gracious host.”

“And leaving us with the heavy lifting.” Cassandra picked up Nevena’s suitcase before Cullen had a chance and took it up the stairs. He followed her in, closing the door behind him.

Their house was warm, and the air was filled with the smell of homemade mulled wine and pine needles. The pictures that lined the walls were a mixture of artwork, prints, and photographs depicting everything from high-rise buildings at night, to landscapes described in Varric’s novels. It was bright, but cosy, and felt lived in and well loved. Cullen felt comfortable and welcomed walking in, rather than the uneasy feeling he’d had entering the manor house in Haven. Cassandra led him first upstairs to where the guest rooms were situated, putting Nevena’s suitcase in a separate made up room down the hall from where Cullen would be sleeping.

He almost said that separate rooms weren’t necessary but caught himself. After all, Cassandra and Varric were under the impression that he and Nevena were simply friends, faking their relationship. They didn’t know that they had chosen to take a step forward and void the contract between them. He made a mental note to bring it up later, and to ask Nevena if she would prefer to share or stay separate.

After shedding his jacket, he went with Cassandra to the kitchen.

“How have you been?” asked Cassandra. She poured water from an old-fashioned tea kettle into two mugs, letting the teabags inside stew for a few moments. “After our conversation on Christmas Day, I admit I’ve been a little worried about you.”

“Ah,” Cullen took the mug when she offered it, “that. Yes.” He took a sip, more for distraction than anything else. Cassandra lifted a brow, dark eyes boring into him. “Everything is fine… Your talk certainly helped.”

“Did it, indeed?” She looked at him shrewdly. Cullen would swear that Cassandra was born suspicious. She never took anything anyone said at face value. Perhaps it was a side effect of knowing and living with Varric. Cullen almost felt as though he was on trial. “So, your relationship is still under contract? Of course, you don’t have to pretend here as the pretence was only for the benefit of her family.”

“Well,” Cullen cleared his throat, “there’s a bit more to it, than that.”

Her eyes narrowed, “Oh?”

“It…” he glanced around the farm house style kitchen, looking for another topic of conversation. Anything to get out from under her accusatory gaze. “H-have you redecorated in here?”

“Yes.”

“It looks nice.”

“Thank you. Cullen—”

“And I noticed the hallway seems to have had some work done, too.”

“Cullen—”

“What have you and Varric been up to?”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“I know I am.” He threw Cassandra a small smile. When her eyes narrowed even further, he scratched the back of his neck. “It’s… complicated.”

“Complicated, how?” she inquired, putting her mug down on the island counter where they were sitting. She drummed her fingers against it, a habit of hers he picked up on when they first met.

“Well—”

“She’s a bright spark, that one.” Varric cut him off, entering the kitchen from another door towards the rear. He went to where the kettle was and poured himself tea as well. He looked from Cullen to Cassandra, clearly noticing the heavy air between them and sat on one of the stools beside Cassandra. “Did I interrupt something?”

“Ye-

“No.” Cullen interjected before Cassandra could answer fully. She gave him a sour look. Cullen knew he was going to get interrogated by her and probably Varric, he just wanted to put it off a little longer. “Where’s Nevena?”

“In the lounge with all the books.” Varric stirred his tea. “I’ve never seen someone’s eyes light up like that at the sight of books! I’m pretty sure she’d be happy if we just left her in there the rest of the day!”

Cullen chuckled, “Good… Thank you for extending the invitation to her, and for being so welcoming. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving her with her family.”

“I didn’t broach the subject with her but now you mention it,” Varric blew over the surface of his mug, sending steam wafting towards Cullen, “What happened?”

Cassandra was scowling a little, clearly annoyed that she could no longer grill Cullen, but her scowl softened with Varric’s question. Cullen had a feeling the two of them had talked about him and Nevena before they arrived possibly planning what to ask and wondering what on earth had transpired in Haven to send them all the way to the Free Marches at such short notice.

“Family skeletons coming out of the closet and being used as weapons,” Cullen answered with a weary shrug. “The oldest sister, Ineria, on Christmas Day decided to drop a bombshell that Nevena –who for three years has believed she was adopted – was actually a half-sister. Their father’s daughter. A daughter he had with the woman who accidently killed his son in a car crash.”

Varric’s eyes widened. He and Cassandra looked at each other, and then back to Cullen. “Well, shit.”

“Yes. Shit.” Cassandra’s skin paled slightly. “That’s quite a bombshell to drop. Was there a reason?”

“Nevena trying to help her niece who is… suffering under Ineria’s controlling heel. Ineria took offense to it. She believed Nevena was trying to turn her children against her, when in fact Nevena’s just been trying to help,” explained Cullen. “Her family are all kinds of messed up. There’s…” he ran his thumb and forefinger across his forehead. “I’m glad to be out of there, to be quite honest. It’s been a… stressful few weeks.”

“I can imagine.” Varric rubbed his chin. “And with the added stress of keeping up appearances for them, you must be worn out.”

Cullen exhaled sharply a short chuff of laughter, “Oh, that part has been the easy bit. Once we got over a few of hurdles it was… easy. Natural.”

“Natural, huh?” Varric’s mouth grew into a large grin. “How natural?”

Looking at him with amusement, Cullen shook his head in silence and rolled his eyes. He took a drink from his mug feeling his stomach knot. “She got me to go back to Kinloch,” he said softly, looking down into his mug. He didn’t need to look at his friends faces to know how shocked their expressions must have been. He could feel it in the air, the surprise and the mental questions they were asking themselves and him.

“Kinloch?” Cassandra repeated, “As in… Kinloch Kinloch?”

“Yeah.”

“The place you swore you’d never go back to?” Varric added.

“Yeah…”

“B-but…” sputtered Cassandra, her voice growing a little irate. “When we tried to just talk to you about that, you… you shut us out, for weeks! Told us never to mention it again! That you wouldn’t go back. You couldn’t.”

“I know I did.” Cullen lifted his eyes and met hers. “I’m sorry about that. It was… wrong of me. Ungrateful. I know you were only trying to help.”

“Forget that!” Varric waved his hand dismissively. “How did she get you to go? What, is her voice magic or something? Make you more suggestable? What? Because if she’s that persuasive, I need her to talk to my publisher!”

Cullen laughed a little, exhaling sharply through his nose and peered down into his mug again. He tightened his hands around it, feeling the heat seep into his skin until it was almost unbearable. How could he explain to them how he felt about Nevena? How could he put into words the way she inspired him and made him want to be better? What would they think? Would they think he was losing his mind? Or that he’d already lost it? When he lifted his head to look at his friends, they were both watching him with expectant expressions. He sighed and drummed his fingers against his mug.

“I don’t know if I can explain it,” he said eventually.

“Try.” Cassandra’s voice was hard, her lips pursed. She could be sceptical, and Cullen didn’t blame her for being wary. She didn’t know Nevena, of course and Cassandra had a protective streak when it came to him.

“She…” He started, then stopped trying to find the right words. Eyes closed, he focused his mind. “There’s something about her that just… fits with me.” He said, opening his eyes and looking across the counter to Cassandra and Varric. “She’s never pushed me, and she doesn’t push me. She didn’t force me to go to Kinloch, I went of my own accord because she… she inspired me to do so.”

Varric and Cassandra exchanged uncertain looks. “Inspired you… how, Curly?” asked Varric.

Cullen pushed his mug to one side and rest his hands on the counter top, gesturing as he spoke. “A few days after she found out the truth of her birth, even though she didn’t owe her family anything, she went back to Haven to speak to her father, to learn about everything. He told her what I assume is the truth, including that her birth mother killed herself…” He pushed a hand through his hair. Part of him worried that Nevena might overhear him divulging such sensitive information. Another, slightly more selfish part didn’t care. It was good to talk to someone else about what happened in Haven.

“After learning that, she could have run away. Gone back to Denerim and tried to forget – no one would have blamed her for doing so. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. She did what I should have done after Kinloch, and decided she wanted to face her demons. She wanted to learn more about her mother. It was one of the deciding factors as to why we came here. She didn’t… wouldn’t let something like this dictate her life, or her actions. She…” he breathed out deeply, brushing his fingers over his chin. “She chose to be brave. Like she’s chosen to be brave her whole life.”

“Brave?” Cassandra took a sip from her tea. Her expression had softened a little through Cullen’s explanation.

“She’s suffered abuse at the hands of her family since she was a child, being blamed for being the replacement for her brother – though it was no fault of hers given she was an infant. She’s suffered indignities and bullying from her sisters, and worse from her psychotic ex-finance. Everything she’s been through, it would make sense for her to be cynical and cold and mean. But she’s not. She’s suffered, and it’s just made her kind, and loving, and good.” Cullen clasped his hands together. “I think that’s brave. I think to face a lifetime of abuse and come out wanting to be kind takes immeasurable courage. More courage than I have, certainly.”

After a few moments pause, Varric cleared his throat and nudged Cassandra. “So, Kinloch?” she prompted. “Her bravery inspired you to go to Kinloch?”

“I decided that if she could face her demons head on, and not cower to them, then why couldn’t I? Why hadn’t I? I had been running from what happened for years. Haunted by the events and the torture I endured. Haunted by the guilt of surviving and blaming myself for it happening. Going back there… it helped lay some ghosts to rest.” Cullen swallowed thickly. “What happened will never go away, I know that. I’ll always have the scars, mental and physical. But going back helped. It felt good to go back. To visit the memorial that was erected and remember the people who perished. To remember them as they were when I knew them. Not who they became as our captivity lengthened…” He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. “I honestly don’t know if any of it makes sense,” he admitted with a wry smile down into his half-empty mug. “I don’t know if I’m fooling myself or… or anything. I just… Nevena makes me want to be… better.”

“She’s got you going to places even your friends and family couldn’t get you to visit,” laughed Varric. Cullen lifted his gaze to him. “Sounds like things between the two of you are pretty damn serious.”

The corner of Cullen’s mouth quirked. “I think it is,” he said, his voice soft, thoughtful, and with no hint of amusement. Still, there was a warmth in his chest when he thought of Nevena. A contentment and familiarity that made him want to get up, find her, and take her in his arms. He may have been speaking to Cassandra and Varric, but Cullen realised then he was admitting to himself how deeply his feelings went. How much Nevena had already impacted his life. To his surprise, the acceptance of those feelings was not frightening.

He loved her. Was in love with her, and possibly had been since early into this charade. Only, it wasn’t a charade any more. Somehow his mind and heart had ignored his usually safe and slow approach to romance and courtship. Instead both had fallen incredibly hard and fast for the gentle blonde woman who jumped like an excited greyhound the day they met. And it didn’t bother him. He was happy with this development despite it going against his normal, cautious nature.

“Well,” Cassandra’s voice shook him from his more pleasant thoughts. Her expression was still hard, and he couldn’t read her. He knew she could be a romantic, but the way she looked at him, he wondered what she was thinking. “Be that as it may, while you’re here you don’t have to pretend to be in this relationship anymore.”

“I know—”

“You’ll have the chance to put some distance between yourselves and to think about everything. Rationally.”

Cullen furrowed his brow at that comment not liking the implication behind it, “We have been thinking rationally.”

“I’m sure you have.” Cassandra got to her feet and took her mug to the sink. “But a little time to really consider what you want and how you feel never hurt anyone.” She emptied the remaining contents of her mug down the drain and rinsed it out. As she did, Cullen looked to Varric for clarification receiving a shrug in return. “Shall we go and find our other guest? I feel like we’re being bad hosts.”

Realising her words signalled the end of the conversation, Cullen rose off his stool without another word.

The hours of driving and boat travel caught up to both Cullen and Nevena mere hours after arriving at Varric’s home. They each yawned their way through a hearty dinner, which only served to tire them out more. By nine-thirty, Nevena had fallen asleep three times on the couch and went to bed. Cullen was struggling to keep his eyes open and focus on the conversation between himself and Varric. He made his excuses at ten and made the slow ascension upstairs to his room. On passing Nevena’s room, he paused for a moment and considered knocking but thought better of it when he noticed there was no light spilling under the door and that she was probably asleep. He carried on towards his room, exhaling heavily when he closed the door behind him.

The room itself was comfortable and a good size with a queen-sized bed taking up most of the space. He hadn’t unpacked at all since he and Nevena arrived, and after switching on the light he hauled his case onto a dresser to find some comfortable sweatpants to wear to bed. Even though the room was welcoming and homey, it felt a little cold and empty now. Having been practically living with Nevena for several weeks and sharing a bed with her the last few days, he wasn’t looking forward to the prospect of sleeping alone. He’d grown rather accustomed to the weight of her on the mattress beside him, and the sound of her breathing in the darkness.

He noticed his phone vibrating in his back pocket while he removed articles of clothing from his suitcase. When the screen lit up, he saw Nevena’s face beside the notification of a text message.

[Nevena] Are you still awake?

Cullen quickly typed a reply and sat down on the edge of the bed.

[Cullen] Yes. I thought you were asleep? Everything alright?

He waited a moment, putting his phone on his bed and continued his search for something comfortable to wear to bed. He found a pair of grey sweats and started to change when another message arrived.

[Nevena] I was tired, but now I’m in bed I’m wide awake. Go figure! Do you have a minute to talk about something?

Cullen pulled on his sweats, tossed his jeans onto the bed, and removed his jumper before replying. He, also, now felt as though he was getting a second wind. The prospect of a few minutes alone with her, the opportunity to kiss her – which he hadn’t had all day – exciting him a little.

[Cullen] Sure. Be right there.

Now changed, Cullen quickly pulled on a hoodie over his head and raked his fingers back through his hair in an attempt to neaten it. He checked the hallway before leaving his room entirely, not wanting to run into Cassandra who seemed more reluctant to accept Cullen’s feelings towards Nevena, which surprised him. He had expected her to be supportive and positive, but he also knew that Cassandra was protective and often took time to warm up to people. If her attitude did not change, then he would ask her about it, but he had no doubt that Cassandra’s iciness would thaw once she got to know Nevena a little more.

Once outside of Nevena’s room he took a breath to settle the flurry of nervous energy now twisting his stomach into knots and knocked to announce himself.

“It’s open.”

Cullen entered, closing the door firmly behind him. He saw Nevena sitting at the end of her bed, legs outstretched her hands tucked under her thighs. Her room was much like his, homey and comfortable with a dresser, queen sized bed and a few other simple bits of furniture. He could tell from how messy the covers were she had tried to sleep. The smile on her lips reached her eyes, and the wild butterflies in Cullen’s stomach grew a bit more frantic. He cleared his throat softly but remained where he was.

“Hi…” he mumbled.

“Hi,” Nevena smiled up at him.

“You alright? What’s on your mind?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck a moment later. Getting right down to business was how he dealt with feeling uncomfortable. He had no reason to feel uncomfortable in front of her, but for some reason he felt as though he was breaking some rule set down by Cassandra and Varric. He put it down to the fact they were in separate rooms now. It was like he was sneaking around…

Which he was. Technically.

“I was thinking about what we were going to do while we’re here. After the party tomorrow, I mean.” Nevena explained, pulling her hands out from beneath her thighs and clasping them in her lap. “I guess, now we’re here I’m… a little lost.”

Cullen chuckled to himself and relaxed. “Well… You grew up in Ostwick, so I imagine looking for information there would be a good start.”

“Probably. I’ve done a few searches for Miranda’s name online, nothing really comes up. No news reports or articles about the accident or about her suicide.”

“I think old newspapers are sometimes stored in libraries,” said Cullen. “That might be a good place to start. I imagine Varric knows at least one person who would know, or who would have a connection to a library. Given his vast social circle.”

“Mhm…” Nevena nibbled her bottom lip and Cullen noticed she was clenching her hands together, nervously.

He moved towards her, “Nev…” He took her hands and dropped to his knees in front of her, lifting her hands to his mouth he kissed her knuckles. “You can walk away from this. You don’t have to find out information about your mother. You don’t need to deal with it while it’s still raw.”

“But we came all the way here,” Nevena mumbled, staring down at their hands. “It would feel like I’d wasted time, to come here and not do what I came here to do.”

“I hope you don’t feel like you wasted all of your time,” he was teasing, but he saw the realisation and then shock register in Nevena’s expression. She gasped almost comically, slipping her hands from his and holding him around the face.

“No! No- I—I didn’t… I didn’t mean—Sorry, that was—”

“It’s alright, sweetheart, it’s alright.” Cullen stroked her arms, trying to calm her. “I was only teasing. I’m sorry.” Nevena’s cheeks grew pink, eyes flicking back and forth between his. She did not release him, and the proximity made Cullen’s stomach twist pleasurably.

“I kind of like when you call me sweetheart…” Nevena lowered her eyes, bashful and coy. A complete transformation to the woman who the night before had willingly taken him in her mouth and brought him to a dizzying climax. She really was an enigma to him.

“I kind of like saying it,” he replied, feeling the dopey smile on his face. Stupid, lovesick fool that he was. “You can decide what we do in your own time. We have a few days, and it’s unlikely some places will be open until at least the second. In the meantime, we can do other things in Kirkwall.”

“Can you show me your old stomping ground?”

“My old stomping ground?” he repeated, laughing. “If the Hanged Man is still there I’m sure I could muster a visit. It was quite horrendous back when I was stationed here.”

“I’d like to see Kirkwall from your perspective.”

“Then I’ll show you around Kirkwall on a day where we have nothing planned. I’m sure Varric and Cassandra would be happy to join us.”

“Ah,” Nevena grimaced a little. “I don’t think Cassandra likes me much. Every time I look at her I get the feeling she’s judging me… or trying to see if she can set fire to me.”

Grinning, Cullen shook his head, leaned forward and kissed her forehead, “Cassandra is like that with everyone at first. She takes a bit of time to warm up to people. She’ll get there with you, I promise.” Nevena smiled weakly. “It seems like you and Varric hit it off though?”

“Yes!” Her eyes lit up. “He’s so down-to-earth! Not at all like I expected… Shorter in person, too. I love how completely blunt he is about things. He’s even said I can give the first draft of his new manuscript a read while we’re here. He wants to hear my thoughts on it!”

“I knew he’d adore you.” Cullen said, enraptured by Nevena’s enthusiasm. Just like I do.

She chuckled, “I wouldn’t go quite that far.” Nevena gently pushed her fingers through Cullen’s hair. “Thank you, Cullen.” She linked her fingers behind his neck.

Cullen quirked a brow, “For?”

She chewed her bottom lip. “For convincing me to come here. For giving me a once in a lifetime opportunity to not just meet Varric Tethras but stay in his home. For… for…” She tutted and shook her head.

“For…?” Cullen prompted, gently butting his nose against her temple.

“For… just for coming into my life, I guess?” Her expression grew into a small wince, and she shrugged her shoulders, averting her gaze to the floor. “I just mean… I don’t think I could have got through everything that’s happened in the past few weeks without you. You keep saying that I’m remarkable, but I don’t think you realise quite how wonderful you are.”

“Well,” Cullen chuffed, his cheeks burning. “I don’t know about that.”

“I’m serious,” Nevena spoke more firmly, eyes on his. The bashfulness and coyness now replaced by quiet determination. “You could have turned around at any time and walked away. Said you were out, that the disaster that is my family was more than you signed up for. I wouldn’t have blamed you in the least. But you didn’t. You stuck around. Stuck by me… You’ve demonstrated more loyalty to me in the short time we’ve known each other, than my family have my whole life, and I am so grateful to you for that. It means…” she shook her head and tutted to herself. “I don’t think I can fully express what it means to me.”

“You’re welcome,” Cullen replied, teasing a lock of her hair back behind her ear.

The room fell to silence as the two of them simply gazed at one another. Nevena curled and twisted tendrils of Cullen’s hair around her fingers, occasionally brushing the skin at the nape of his neck. He relaxed into the touch, unsure what to say or do. Not knowing if there was anything he should or could say. He simply wanted to enjoy these moments with her. Moments where there was no stress and no anxiety in either of them. Moments where they were both content in one another’s company.

Suddenly, Nevena giggled, shaking her head at her own private joke. Cullen pinched the sides of her waist, making her jerk and yelp a little. “What’s so funny?” he asked, smiling at her amusement.

“Have I kissed you today?” Nevena asked him, a teasing smile lifting the corners of her mouth.

Cullen chuckled and shook his head. “No, I don’t think you have.”

“Ah,” she nodded a few times. “Would you like me to rectify that?”

He closed the space between them, whispering, “Please.” A moment later his lips met hers, and he felt the warmth of her kiss and her presence begin to flow through him.

In moments, the soft kiss grew more heated. It grew into a kiss that was more teeth and tongues, than lips. Cullen curled his fingers into the slouched top Nevena wore, rising off his knees. Nevena’s gentle hands around the back of his neck grew firmer, grabbing onto the material of his hooded shirt and pulling at it. Pulling him. Drawing him closer as she shuffled up the bed. She led him. Cullen pressed his weight into one hand on the covers and crawled up after her, the kiss breaking for brief moments when the mattress shifted under their combined weight. These moments of boldness were intoxicating to him and Cullen’s blood flowed so quickly to his cock it left him feeling a little light-headed. Even before he was sprawled over her, one knee positioned between hers, and a hand spread over the top of Nevena’s back, he could feel himself harden – the prospect of another intimate encounter chasing away any thought of sleep.

He still owed her for the previous night, after all.

Parting, he helped her yank his top off over his head and arms. Nevena tossed it blindly to one side before claiming his mouth again. Her tongue pushed beyond his lips, fingers tightening and gripping his hair. Cullen scratched his fingernails over the top of her back and she arched up into him, a soft, strangled sound leaving her throat.

“Shh…” Cullen laughed, leaving her lips to tend to her neck. Nevena tilted her head back, already writhing beneath him, her hips grinding upwards, seeking friction and heat.

“I feel like a disobedient teenager,” giggled Nevena, soft hands and tapering fingers trailing delicate patterns up over the muscles of his back. Cullen found himself astounded by her, not for the first time, how easily she could switch between gentle and demanding. Her affectionate touches a stark contrast to her heated kisses moments earlier.

Peering down at her, he pushed her hair back away from her forehead. “I suppose it does feel like we’re doing something we shouldn’t be.” His lips quirked into a half-smile. “Although we’re not really doing anything.”

“Yet.” Nevena’s mouth broke into a cheeky grin.

Cullen chuckled, a short breath of air through his nose. “Yet…” he repeated, lightly pressing his lips to hers and following that with more feather-soft kisses over her cheek to her ear. Nevena shivered beneath him, her chest expanding on a deep, contented sigh. “I do still need to repay you for what you did on the ship,” he whispered to her, before gently biting down on the shell of her ear.

The change in her was immediate and obvious. Her body stiffened beneath him, and he heard her suck in a quick breath. Cullen pulled back, watching her curiously and ensuring her put some space between them so she could move if she wanted. “Nev?” Tentatively, he touched her cheek, softly brushing his thumb along the swell of her lower lip. The teasing grin was gone, and though she smiled it was quick and seemed hesitant. Cullen quirked a brow in a silent question. Nevena lowered her gaze. When she began to move to sit up, Cullen rolled off her and followed, sitting beside her quietly.

“About… that.” Nevena swallowed thickly and tucked her hair behind her ears. Cullen’s heart rate increased, and he could feel it thudding at the back of his throat. He was suddenly conjuring all the things she could say, and none of them were positive. Perhaps she regretted it, or perhaps she didn’t want to do that for him again. Perhaps she had only been joking about wanting to go down on him, and he had not taken some hint… Some extremely subtle hint. He tried to keep his face impassive, but curious and hoped the sound of his blood pounding was only audible to him. “Uhm… I... have never… uhm…” she lifted a hand and gingerly scratched the back of her neck. Her eyes darted to him, then away at lightning speed, focusing on her feet on the carpeted floor. Cullen noticed then that her cheeks were flushed a deep red, the colour spilling down her neck and beneath her shirt.

He realised, with dawning relief and concern, that she was embarrassed.

“You’ve never…?” he prompted gently, taking her hand from behind her neck and softly nudging the side of her temple with his nose. He kissed her knuckles, tracing the veins and bones of her hands with his fingertips.

Nevena watched him in slowly building silence. A silence Cullen did not disturb. She was gathering up the courage to say something, and he would not interrupt that. She would speak when she was comfortable, and he would listen. It was how their relationship would work. The both of them not just listening but hearing what the other was saying.

“It’s kind of humiliating,” she said, expelling a shaky breath. “Maybe it’s weird, I don’t know… But I guess… I’m… not such a big fan of… that.” Cullen lifted his eyes to look at her, and if possible, she was redder than before. “It probably makes me a freak.”

“No,” Cullen shook his head as he lifted it. “I don’t think you’re a freak. We all have our likes and dislikes.”

“Hm.” Nevena smiled awkwardly.

“Can I ask why? You started by saying ‘I never’… Have you never enjoyed someone going down on you?”

A small, strangled noise escaped her, and Nevena slapped her free hand over her mouth. She squeezed her eyes closed, visibly grimacing despite half her face being covered. “Sorry—” she said, voice muffled by her hand. She removed it, scratching her cheek a few times as if trying to make her gesture more casual. “I didn’t expect you to… To say it so bluntly.” She groaned, rubbing her hand over her eyes. “Sheltered upbringing.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Cullen said, trying to lighten the atmosphere with a more relaxed tone to his voice. After all, this wasn’t a horrendous conversation to have. Even if Nevena was embarrassed, if they talked about things now, it would make things less awkward and better overall, later. “So, do you not enjoy it or…?”

“Maybe it’s more my experiences haven’t been positive with it?”

“Does it have something to do with Rick?” asked Cullen. The way Nevena’s shoulders curled and her eyes lowered answered for him. He shifted closer, pulling her into his chest and wrapping both arms around her. “If that’s the case, and you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. When you’re comfortable, okay?”

“You have the patience of a saint,” Nevena mumbled into his chest. Her arms snaked around his waist, hands clasping behind him. She buried herself into him as close as possible and Cullen’s hold around her tightened protectively. After about thirty seconds of silence, Cullen was surprised to hear her speak again. “He was rough, the way he was with everything.”

“Nev…”

“It hurt. He would bite. And…” Slowly, she shook her head. “It was just rough, and painful. I guess it put me off.”

“Okay.” Cullen kissed the top of her head before nestling his cheek against her hair. He felt almost guilty for being excited at the prospect of more physical and erotic touching. Felt guilty for imagining the sounds she might make with his mouth on her, and his head between her legs, rather than his fingers. He would need to take everything slow, with her. Work up to things, check what she was comfortable with and what she was not. This was new ground for him… For them both. It would take time. Nevena was worth it.

Nevena was growing accustomed to waking up to the cocoon of warmth that was Cullen’s body, wrapped around her. She felt him moving behind her, shifting his weight sluggishly and breathing in the first deep breath of the morning. When she leaned up on an elbow and peered over her shoulder, she was surprised to see him looking reasonably awake and tapping the screen of his phone. She flopped down to face him.

“G’morning.”

“Hey,” Cullen stretched out an arm to cradle her shoulders and pulled her close to his side, quickly tilting his head to kiss the top of her head. Not for the first time she found herself pleasantly surprised by how easy it was for the two of them. How casually they fell into relaxed and familiar gestures of open affection. She treasured each and every one, wanting to memorize them and replay them. “I should get back to my room.”

“Why?” Nevena glanced up at the screen of Cullen’s phone. It was just gone six in the morning, and it was still dark outside.

“In case Cassandra or Varric knock on the door. It’ll be a little tell-tale if I’m not there to answer.”

“We’re adults… We’re not doing anything wrong,” said Nevena. “We didn’t even do anything last night so…”

“I know.” Cullen placed his phone on a bedside table, rolled over to face her and kissed her forehead. “I know we didn’t.” His fingers brushed her cheek as he moved her hair back and tucked it behind her ear. “But, we’re guests in their house, and they have their own rules. Varric probably wouldn’t care, but Cassandra…”

“Mhm…” Nevena quirked to mouth to one side. “Yeah. Considering I don’t think she likes me much already, probably best to not kick the beehive.”

Cullen chuckled, “I told you, Cassandra is just protective. She’ll warm up to you.” Another kiss to her forehead. “Give her some time.”

Nevena grumbled into her pillow, earning an amused smile in return. After a brief exchange of words, goodbyes, and kisses, Cullen tiptoed out of Nevena’s room, easing the door closed with a soft click. She settled into the duvet and the warmth his body left, spreading out a little for comfort and closing her eyes to welcome a few more hours sleep.

A short knock at the door disturbed her and she cracked an eye open. After a few seconds, there was another brisk knock. Nevena kicked the covers away, climbed out of bed and crossed to the door, pulling it open with a flourish. “Did you forget someth—” her words caught in her throat at the image of Cassandra, not Cullen standing before her. Cassandra, flushed with a sheen of sweat across her face, dressed in hi-visibility running gear that hurt Nevena’s eyes to look at. “Hi,” Nevena squeaked.

“Expecting someone else?” Cassandra’s tone was accusatory enough, but she narrowed her dark eyes a little for good measure. Nevena was already short, Cassandra made her feel tiny under her cool gaze. “Forgive me for coming to speak to you so early, but I had trouble sleeping.”

“…Okay.” Nevena nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other while gripping the door.

“I went to return something to Cullen’s room last night, and when I saw he wasn’t there, your room was the obvious answer to his whereabouts,” Cassandra explained. Though her eyes were sharp and remained focused on Nevena’s face, there was a slight lift in her voice which made Nevena think she wanted to be having this conversation as much as she did. “You are both adults, what you choose to do is up to you--”

“Well, thank you for that.”

“--what I will say may cause offence but, that is not my intent. I only wish to gauge...” Cassandra tutted. “Please, understand that Cullen is important to me, and to Varric. He was a broken man after Kirkwall, and after his ex-girlfriend left him. He suffered. It took a long time for him to recover, and it is clear as day that he cares about you. A great deal. I only ask… that if you do not feel the same that you do not let him believe that you do. That you do not string him along or play with his emotions. Please don’t hurt him. Don’t lie to him... It…” she sighed deeply. “I would worry about what it would do to him. To have his emotions toyed with.”

Nevena stared at her for several seconds that grew longer and longer as time passed. She wasn’t sure she was hearing things correctly. Cassandra was asking her not to toy with Cullen’s feelings. Not to hurt him. She wondered just what he had said to Cassandra while Varric was showing her his collection of books. It worried her, creating an uncomfortable gnawing sensation in her stomach. Why would Cassandra think she was going to hurt him? Or that Cullen was at any risk of being toyed with? Did Cullen say he thought she was stringing him along?

She banished the thought from her mind quickly. That was not the issue right now. Right now, she needed all her attention on the woman on the other side of the threshold. The woman watching her uncomfortably, unsure if she should go now she had said her piece, or if she should wait for a response.

“I don’t intend to hurt him,” Nevena said, summoning her voice from somewhere and surprised by how firm it was. “I know how badly he was hurt when Solona left. He told me. He told me about Kirkwall, about Kinloch, about the lyrium. I know it all. I am not going to hurt him, or mess around with his feelings or lead him on. I wouldn’t— I couldn’t do that to him. I care about him. He cares about me, and I care about him. So much. I would…” Nevena shook her head and brushed her fingers back through her hair. “I understand your protectiveness towards him. After everything he’s been though, if I was in your shoes I would feel exactly the same towards some strange woman he brought to meet you… But, I promise, you have no reason to worry about me. Or how I will treat him. I—” she caught herself and swallowed her words like a heavy stone sinking into a deep pond. Cassandra’s expression remained passive. Cassandra would be a good poker player, given how well she controlled her expression. “I like him. Very much. And while I am a little terrified and overwhelmed by how I feel about him… and while I might feel like I am not good enough, I intend to stay with him… as long as he wants me.”

The words were raw and honest, creating a strange sensation of pain in Nevena’s chest. Warm, intense pain that slowly began to spread throughout her limbs down to her extremities. It was as though her heart was expanding. As if the protective cage she had put around it since Rick had finally cracked and was broken. Nevena clenched her hand on the door to keep upright.

“Good,” Cassandra breathed out, her stance relaxed, and she appeared visibly relieved to hear Nevena’s reply. Her demeanour changed in an instant, no longer intimidating or intense. She grew softer, her face lighter with a smile. “I meant no offense. To hear you say that you care about him… It makes me very happy to hear.”

Nevena smiled a little but remained silent.

Reaching towards her, Cassandra gently squeezed her right shoulder. “If you doubt Cullen in anyway, I can assure you that he would not have brought you here, to meet us if he did not care for you quite deeply. His affection towards you is as sincere as yours seems to be toward him, and for that I am both relieved and grateful. I care about him, you see. He is as close to me as a brother.”

“I understand,” Nevena smiled again, itching to crawl back into bed and organize the conversation of the last two or three minutes. “It’s good that he has people who care about him. Who are watching out for him. He’s lucky.”

Cassandra looked her up and down. “Yes… I think he is.” With small, enigmatic smile, Cassandra bid Nevena good morning and that she should return to bed. Nevena closed the door, exhaled a long breath that did the job of releasing all the tension she was holding in her body.

As she climbed into bed and lay on her back, Nevena stared at the ceiling. She knew sleep wouldn’t come now. She stared at the light fixture, listening to the birds outside the window beginning to awaken and noticing the small shafts of light piercing through the curtains over the foot of the bed. Her mind raced. She had almost said she loved him aloud. Almost. It was an idea she had considered. A thought she had only flirted with on the ship. Catching herself as she almost spoke it… suddenly everything became a lot more real.

Chapter link to AO3

Look at these kids! Having healthy conversations about sex and what they like/dislike and also coming to slow realisations about how they feel about each other... While the other person remains blissfully oblivious. XD

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm a quiet shipper of Tethraghast, but if its not your thing I totally understand. I just think its a nice ship and admittedly, I wasn't a big fan at first, but it's grown on me over time. This chapter was fun to write, I'll be honest. I hope you all approve of my Varric and Cassandra. As always, I try to keep them as close to their canon counterparts as I possibly can, but I have to take a liberty here or there with them. I've always seen Cullen and Cassandra's relationship as very almost familial. Like she looks out for him like an older sister would, and he feels comfortable with her. Even if he tries to skirt around things at times.

What about you guys? What did you think of the chapter? Did you enjoy it? Do you think Cullen should have pressed for more information about Nevena's aversion to certain intimate acts? Do you think Cassandra was right to go to Nevena and ask about her intentions with Cullen? What did you make of Nevena's answer? And what did you make of Cullen's explanation about how he feels about her? And how he admires her?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments/reblogs/tags or by dropping me a message. Thank you, as always, for the continued support and love. You guys are the best readers I could ever, ever hope for and your support means the world to me. <3 I hope you enjoyed, see you in the next chapter!

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lenfaz · 7 years

Text

MissMatched.com, Ch.5 (5/9)

In a world where every dating site swears by their algorithms and databases to find the most accurate match with a high percentage of compatibility, a new site is giving them all a run for their money.

Missmatched.com promises no data or algorithm, just a few people that *know* how to find your best match based on their instincts and their vibes.

Emma Swan is hired to investigate if there’s a fraud involved with the site’s claim of not using any type of statistics. That path leads her right into the hands of Missmatched.com founder, Killian Jones, who promises her that he’ll prove he’s worth his salt by finding Emma her perfect match without any data or algorithms involved.

A new story by me, dedicated from the bottom of my heart to the wonderful @businesscasualprincess All the thanks in the world to my beta @sambethe

Ao3 FF.net Tumblr: 1 2 3 4

Mary Margaret & David

Emma was losing her mind. It might have been the lack of sleep from reading file after file, or the endless hours searching through transcripts from interviews with MissMatched’s competitors. It could also be the way she had kept one ear on the ground, hoping for any piece of gossip she could turn into information, any lead she could find that would untangle the scam of all time.

But. There. Wasn’t. Anything.

She took a deep breath as she reviewed the cases in front of her. It was time to go back to the source. To the one case that, according to Liam Jones, started it all.

Mary Margaret Blanchard-Nolan was the modern version of a fairytale princess. From her tender smile to her gentle eyes to the way she remembered details about everyone in the office. The smell of baked goods wafting from the box in her hand only reinforced Emma’s belief that it was simply impossible for this woman not to care.

Mary Margaret placed the box on the conference room table and opened the lid to show a neat row of chocolate chip cookies.

“These are Liam’s favorites” she announced as the man of the hour sauntered over and grabbed a few before pressing a kiss to Mary Margaret’s cheek.

“You spoil me rotten,” he said with a twinkle in his clear blue eyes.

“Please, someone needs to take care of the two of you, and since you still haven’t settled down, it’s up to me.”

Killian’s voice cut through the room as he stole a few cookies. “You’re too good to us, Mary Margaret.”

“Why are you even here?” Emma asked, eyeing him as she debated grabbing a cookie for herself. “I thought this was Liam’s success story.”

“Oh, Swan, when you taste the cookies, you’ll know why I’m here.” Killian bit his lower lip and waggled his eyebrows at her before exiting the room as he gulped down one of the cookies.

“I suppose I should leave you to it.” Liam bowed his head at them. “Mary Margaret, please tell David I’ll drop by tomorrow to watch the game?”

Mary Margaret beamed. “He’s looking forward to it.”

She watched both men leave, with a daydream expression on her face, before she turned to Emma. “Let me tell you, if someone had told me that having those two move in next door would change my life, I never would have believed them.”

“Is that how you met?” Emma asked, making a few notes on her notepad.

“Yes, they had just moved to the city and they ended up in the apartment right across the hall from me. They were both bartenders at a friend’s bar and the building was within walking distance. I woke up one morning to bickering in the hall. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and they both turned around with those dazzling smiles.”

Emma could picture it well, and part of her wondered how Mary Margaret was able to survive such thing.

“We became instant friends. Liam and Killian didn't know many people in the city and I didn’t have many friends myself, you know…” she trailed off, her tone tinged with sadness, clearly touching on a period she wasn’t that keen on revisiting. “They took me under their wing, as much as I did them, to be honest. I don’t think I laughed so much in my life before I met them.”

“And David?” Emma asked, wanting to understand how he came into the mix.

Mary Margaret’s eyes shone brighter as a slight blush came to her cheeks. “He - he was a regular at the bar. He used to drop by for a beer after work - he worked at one of the local animal shelters - and he and Liam became close. I - I never met…” She gave Emma a rueful smile. “When Liam mentioned he had a friend that he wanted to introduce me to, I refused. My last few attempts at trying to date hadn’t ended well, and I just didn’t want to try. Not again.”

“That doesn’t seem -” Emma cut herself off when realized she’d spoken out loud, her eyes widening in embarrassment. But Mary Margaret didn’t seem offended as she chuckled lightly.

“That doesn't seem like me, right?”

“I’ve only known you briefly, but you don’t seem to be the type to give up on hope.”

“I’m not. But at that time, I had. If it hadn’t been for Liam and Killian’s pestering, I wouldn’t have risked putting myself out there. And when I met David --- it was love at first sight. I know it sounds cheesy and out of some fairy tale no one believes in, but that was exactly what it was.”

Mary Margaret sighed, her attention obviously shifted to somewhere else, somewhere Emma couldn’t meet her at. There was something peaceful in her expression, something that made Emma want to believe people were good and love was all around them. Suddenly, another piece of the puzzle clicked into place.

“You were the one who convinced them to do this, weren’t you?”

A blush crept across Mary Margaret’s cheeks as her hands fidgeting over the table. “Is it that obvious?” She shrugged before Emma could answer. “When they couldn’t keep their jobs at the bar…” she stopped, seeming to realize she had said too much, which only peaked Emma’s interest. “The thing is, they gave me my happy ending, and I was sure that with a little nudge, they will be able to give others the same.”

Emma pondered the words, finding it hard not to believe the woman sitting in front of her. “And you think they’ve succeeded?”

The smile Mary Margaret gave her was sure and steady. “Look around you, Emma. This place is filled with hope and love, and people determined to find everyone’s fairytale love story. There’s nothing but happy endings here, and it’s thanks to Liam and Killian.” She sighed, a hint of sadness escaping her lips. “If only they could give themselves one… well, Liam is almost there, if he’d only dare to go for it. But Killian -”

She seemed to really care. Genuinely. Emma wondered what it’d have been like to have people like her in her life. Caring so much for others. Mary Margaret tilted her head, her eyes studying Emma carefully.

“You don’t believe in any of this, do you?”

Busted. Emma shrugged, glancing away as she doodled in her notebook. “I refuse to believe it. I’m a cynic, lady. There are no happy endings where I come from. Just people telling you what you can’t do your entire life.”

Mary Margaret was silent for a long while before she reached out to squeeze Emma’s hand and command her attention. Emma looked up to find nothing but hope and concern in her eyes.

“Maybe the reason you want to prove them wrong is because deep down you desperately want to hope they are right.”

“I don’t do hope,” Emma stated, not ready to let her walls down, not even for someone who seemed to be the kindest woman on earth.

Mary Margaret sighed, standing up and securing her purse under her arm. “All happy endings start with hope, Emma.” She turned around to face a sheepish Liam Jones, who seemed to have made his way into the conference room without them noticing. “And that should go for you too.”

Something resembling ache passed through Liam’s eyes, before he looked away. “Mary Margaret,” he started but she cut him off with a hand on his arm.

“Liam, you know I’m right.” She placed a soft kiss on his cheek and nodded at Emma before exiting the room.

Liam stood there, his eyes lost and his shoulders slumped in defeat. Emma felt sorry for him.

“Is everything ok?” she asked with what she hoped was an encouraging smile.

He shook his head and plastered a smile on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yes, Miss Swan, it is. Do you need something else from me regarding this case?”

“No, it’s ok, I just want to finish my notes and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Take all the time you need, love.” He nodded briefly before he exited the room and left her to concentrate on her thoughts.

Unfortunately, it seemed her peaceful solitude wouldn’t last long. A few minutes later, Killian Jones entered the room holding a mug. He placed it on the table and took the seat next to her. Emma peeked at the mug and lifted an eyebrow - it was hot chocolate with a dash of cinnamon swirling on the surface.

“Wow this is- How did you know? I didn't write any of this on that flimsy piece of paper you made me fill out.”

“I’m quite perceptive.”

There was that smug tone that Emma simply wanted to banish from him.

“Are you?”

“Indeed.” His tongue darted out to wet his lower lip as she took a sip of the mug. It made Emma lose her concentration for a fleeting moment, but soon she was back to the business at hand.

“Mary Margaret seems to be very invested in your happiness. In everyone’s really. But especially in yours and your brother’s.”

Killian smiled fondly. “She would be a great asset to the company if we were ever to convince her to give up teaching. She wants everyone to find true love.”

Emma studied his features carefully. “And you’re not up to the quest? The man who finds love for all others doesn't want to find it for himself?” She wasn’t sure why she was asking, only that she wanted to know more about him.

He took a moment to reply, as if he was pondering his words carefully. “Why don’t I see you hammering my dear brother over this?”

He was deflecting and Emma knew it. It only fueled her want to know even more. “Well, because according to you - and the painful look in his eyes I just witnessed - he has found his true love. It’s just not working out for him at the moment. Whereas you, Killian Jones, seem to be the eternal unattached bachelor, according to sources.”

She didn’t want to say more, choosing to give him a look that she hoped conveyed what she wasn’t willing to admit. If he was able to read her like an open book - like he claimed - he would have no issues figuring this one out.

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and averted his eyes. “I didn’t know this included a deep dig into my personal life.” He was closing off, Emma could tell. It took an expert on doing the same to spot another doing it.

“It shouldn't,” she started softly, hoping he would meet her eyes. “But things are usually connected, and especially in this line of business people talk. I’ve heard a few things.”

“They were probably true.”

He still wasn’t meeting her eyes and Emma couldn’t take it anymore. Her hand darted out to graze her fingers on his cheek. He finally looked at her.

“I'd like to hear them from you.”

He swallowed, his eyes almost filling with tears. “I truly loved someone once. She was older - and married. It didn't end well. After that, I figured it was easier to help others find love than focus on my own. It would prevent me from moving on from something I had no intention to get over with.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “So you’re cynical of love yourself. You built all this and you don’t even believe in it?”

“Oh no, Swan, make no mistake, I’m a firm believer.” The passion in his voice took her breath away. “I just don't think it's meant for me anymore.”

The words echoed deep within her, to that part of her heart she always kept from others, in the place she never went back to. But now she found that she wanted to. “You sound like me. I was in love - once.”

Killian didn’t say a word, letting the silence stretch between them, giving her the chance to stop the conversation. But she didn’t want to.

“I was young and stupid, and I thought he loved me. It cost me a stint in juvie when I got busted for collecting some watches he’d stolen. He was supposed to meet me after I got them. He never showed up.” The words came out fast, like ripping off a bandaid. It hurt less when she didn’t dwell on it. “After that, I really didn’t care much about finding love. A few years ago, I met this guy who seemed nice and things were good - not great, but solid. Until I realized he was cheating on me.”

Something that looked like anger flashed in his eyes and he clenched his jaw. He was angry on her behalf and a part of Emma was happy he’d reacted that way. She quickly ignored those feelings. When he spoke, his voice was strained.

“I can see why it would be hard to trust people after that.”

“Yeah, keep that in mind when you find me my match,” she teased, trying to ease the tension that had built up in the room.

“I’ll do a very thorough check, don’t worry.”

#cs ff #cs au ff #captain swan #missmatched.com #lenfaz fics #hook x emma #online dating

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