#taking space from another talking stage that this time got too emotional too fast and like that never happens with me

[wildevenusian]

i love going through my personal tag it’s like getting to remember my life

[undisclosed-serendipity]

postpartum journal #1

I don’t know if anyone wants to read this or maybe it’s also a lot of TMI but I want to write and I think it’s important to share? It feels a little odd because Tumblr still feels like a space for my teenager/young adult self and not a space for being a mother. But I don’t think I’ve read anyone that did really journal frankly about their experience (probably that Sarah Hawkinson video that I watched was the most frank I’ve seen someone talk about the motherhood experience)

So more under the cut. If you’re reading it/read it and am worried about me, I am doing okay and getting help in many different ways. My thoughts might be all over the place, please be gracious.

It’s been slightly more than a week since I gave birth. One more day to two weeks really. I’m still reeling from a lot of that has happened. I remembered being very worried the days prior to labour because Friday (28/6) I had an appointment for induction if labour still hasn’t decided to start . And as luck would have had it, I started feeling strong contractions 1am of 28/6. Around 17hours of struggle and labour, baby was born.

I didn’t know then but there was a few complications during the last stages of delivery. Episiotomy was performed. Vacuum extraction was used to get baby out too. Baby heartbeat was lost for a good 2-3mins. She turned out fine, pretty fine to say the least. Just perhaps a little stressed out. I didn’t know then, I only knew in depth what happened after reading the delivery report when I got discharged from the hospital.

Waves of emotions flooded me when they placed baby on my chest. I cried like a baby for a good five minutes or so, that my husband had tried to comfort me to get me to stop crying with all the bystanders around. It’s still hard to comprehend the fact that I’m a mother now. That this is what it took to be a mother.

I have to remind myself that as many days old my daughter is, I am as many days old as a mother. Today during the home visit by a midwife from the child health centre, she said to me “when a child is born, a parent is born too” I’m still trying to make sense of everything that has happened.

The birthing was a traumatic experience, the aftermath is still quite traumatic. My stitches needed restitching twice and still requiring follow ups to check if they will rupture again. On the day we were going to be discharged from the maternity ward, I woke up at 4am with my daughter on my chest (they encourage to maximise skin to skin contact while you’re still in ward) and I cried to myself silently. It finally hitting me that she’s going to be my responsibility now. That I am going to take her home. That she is mine. Sometimes I look at her and I have to remind myself that she’s my daughter. MY daughter. Not someone else’s. Not my sister. Not my husband’s sister. Or someone else’s baby. She is mine and she is made of me (and husband)

We went to the supermarket the first time today. It’s my first time after giving birth. The last time I was there, I was still pregnant. I also remember the first time I went on the bus again after giving birth. It is still hard to put together these experiences. The stark differences in myself, being pregnant and now after giving birth. People don’t treat me any different. But I feel so very different inside. I took myself out for walks everyday during the last week of pregnancy (it feels weird even writing this too) and I went to that supermarket almost every single day with my big pregnant belly. And today I was back there again, navigating through the aisles with husband, stroller and baby in tow. Nothing really changed except me. I walked past the cookies aisle, how many times I’ve stood there negotiating with my pregnant belly (my daughter then still inside of me) whether to get another box of chocolate cookies or not. I stopped there for a minute, baby is fast asleep in the stroller. She can’t have chocolate cookies now anyway too. The jarring effect of motherhood.

[zuluc]

summary: once he’s comfortable with skinship and the like, he can’t keep his hands off of you

pairing: xiao x gn!reader

style & genre: written; angsty with reflections but it is ultimately fluff

warnings: mildy suggestive

notes: i am manifesting early for him, please come home. this is literally, COMPLETELY, self-indulgent. i read his backstory and i am DEVASTATED to say the least so this is my interpretaion of his thoughts. enjoy <3

hi god, it’s me again. can i please have a xiao in my life?

Another day passes by as he awaits your visit that he thinks to himself: How did I get into a situation such as this?

The adeptus couldn’t recall the exact moment he found himself thinking about you, having the thoughts of you plague his mind for days on end. All of which was especially so whenever you both parted only to reunite again at least days later or at most, months. 

He missed the way you talked, smiled, and laughed even when he did none such things himself. The progression to this stage of your relationship was slow and steady but you both were patient, and the times in which you thought it wouldn’t work out, a human and adeptus, something always brought you back together. He noticed how you didn’t try to pry your way into his life and he appreciated that to be able to make the effort to return your, at the time, unsaid feelings. 

Maybe it was because of how genuine you were with your actions that allowed him begin to take an interest in you. The way you made almond tofu just the way he loved it or how you would keep a bit of space between the two of you when you chatted.

He hoped you wouldn’t notice that he would try and close the gap little by little until the day came for him to ask you to officially be his. Well, you had noticed but for his sake you kept it to yourself, happy with the end result.

Xiao’s mind wanders to what had been and what it was like before he met you. Years alone and years of resentment towards himself and his actions hardened his walls to that foreign feeling. He hated you at that time not out of pure negative emotions but of confused emotions. You never pried and left him alone when it seemed that was what he wanted. But he never wanted that as seeing you turn your back and walk down the steps felt worse than having to see your face. 

He thought about those times believing you wouldn’t come back one day just to leave him alone as he was. 

He looks back at when you are finally together, the awkwardness of a new relationship finally dawning on the both of you as you say your acceptance to his confession. It is five months exact until he could look you in the eye without the feeling of butterflies pushing their way around his stomach, not that it still isn’t apparent now. He never asked if you felt the same but the flush on your face indicated as such.

He thinks about those times whenever you are away, replaying them in his mind like a broken record to keep the memories fresh. Every single one is important and to be able to remember it is something he will cherish. After all, all good things must come to an end.

And for this he hopes that the end is too far for him to see.

--

You can tell when he’s too lost in his thoughts again.

Verr Goldet informs you that he had shown up a while ago and had been unmoving from his spot since that time. You thank the woman, who at this point has lost all motivation to reprimand you from calling her “boss lady” again, and quietly walk up the steps.

When you reach the top a gentle breeze brushes by your face and your eyes land on the ethereal being that is him. His hair moves along with the wind and his eyes dart to your emerging figure, immediately taking action and walking towards you with urgency.

This visit would be one of the longer ones and you already booked a room for the next few nights, all for spending time with him as the mission you accepted was that lasted months. 

He digs his fingers into your clothed back, welcoming you warmly into his embrace. Was it three months since he last held you like this?

Whatever the amount, Xiao holds you with just the same amount of gentle firmness. To bystanders they would be shocked at the display that this known adeptus exhibits to you and would think that he had been some other person. This is why he prefers to keep these moments only between the both of you away from prying eyes that might try to take advantage of one of his weaknesses.

Yes, you.

You hold him tightly and await his questioning, but it never comes. Instead, he trails his hand that was rested on your back to the back of your head and pulls away to look at you clearly. You shiver from the coolness of the night air and the intensity of his gaze when he eyes your lips.

“May I?” He asks in a whisper that could be so easily missed. You are able to collect yourself and nod, raising your own hand to lightly graze his cheek. "Forgive my hastiness.”

Xiao’s lips slot against yours and you hum at the feeling. His lips are smooth and soft and you melt when he splays his fingers of the other hand to hold you steady against him. He’s pressing you closer and closer and you wonder if there is physically any space left. His last statement rings out to you when you notice how restless his hands are and how needy his kisses have turned. Just what was he thinking about before I got here?

His lips detach from your when he remembers that you need to breath but his ministrations continue on to your neck, nipping at the exposed skin and leaving marks in the wake of his path. You gasp when he lands on a particular spot at the juncture of your neck and shoulders which causes you to push back a little out of reflex. His hands holding you prevent you from going any further from him and he continues to press alternating soft and messy kisses along the column of your throat. 

Xiao trails his lips back to your own when you have caught your breath and he kisses you again, the initial contact a bit more aggressive than the first. But you don’t mind, your hands coming up to tangle in his hair to pull at lightly, eliciting a low groan from him.

You finally notice that you are up against a wall but in the haze of what just happened you aren’t surprised at how you got there. His hands are roaming your body without restraint and you have to remind him of where you two are.

He doesn’t look like he cares.

“No one comes up when they are aware of both of us being here,” he reassures you, whispering into your ear.

He kisses you again and again and again until you run out of breath just as many times and your legs are growing weary. Xiao plants a few last, soft kisses to your forehead, tip of the nose, and your lips before guiding you to sit on his lap as he positions himself on the ground. You take the offer without hesitation and snuggle into his hold, tired from the events of the day and the events just seconds ago.

You don’t have to ask him what’s going on when he cups your face and looks down at you with pure adoration in his eyes. He doesn’t need to tell you how much he cherishes you and cares about you, willing to do everything the archons allow him to keep you by his side.

You let him have his moment for a little longer but are able to tell that he had been holding himself back. You take your hand and curl it around his wrist, turning your head to press a kiss to his palm.

“You’re done already?”

Never have you seen him stand up with you hoisted in his arms as fast as he did to carry you to your room. You may be poking fun at him for his eagarness now, but you will soon see who’ll be most eager in a bit.

At least in this situation and for many more, he has you in his arms.

[badgirlcovenrep]

omg chenrich prompts? hell yeah!! Okay so how about immediately after the council meeting? Steph taking Alex to the hospital because u KNOW its steph who takes her to get treated

As is expected I got a little carried away 😁

So this is a bit of a mix between chenrich in the hospital and medical grade painkillers Alex lol

Hope you enjoy!

No one could have prepared them for that community meeting. Steph shook all over just to think of Jed luring Alex into the woods. Of him leaving her for dead in some awful mining hole.

It made her so furious. Even hearing him cry, blabbering like a sad shadow of the man she'd known (the man that was all a charismatic lie, showmanship, to hide the disgusting truth) her anger, her hurt was too fresh for the girl to gather any sort of sadness for him.

"I'm sorry, Ryan," Alex repeats, standing at the bar with them.

Ryan is staring, speechless, at his father's crying shadow.

"I'm so sorry-" she tries to take a step forward, but her feet falter, and Alex nearly topples over to the ground, grunting in pain as Steph jumps to hold her elbow and help steady her into the floor once again.

"Fuck, Alex, you need a doctor." Steph insists. But Alex is looking at Ryan with so much concern that she can't get her to move.

"It's not your fault, okay?" Ryan finally speaks, breaking out of whatever haze he'd been in to look back at her, "It's not your fault. I just- need a moment to process all this. Go with Steph, you're hurt."

Alex finally looks at her then, and Steph can feel herself plead with her eyes - because she might not know a lot about these sorts of injuries but she's smart enough to know - just by the way she's swaying back and forth on unsteady feet - they probably have another minute, at most, before Alex collapses.

"You did it." Steph mumbles, voice filling with unbridled pride as well as urgency, touching down Alex's arm to hold her cold hand, "You did it, ok? You can settle down now."

Her brown eyes are hazy, blinking back to Steph with rapidly heavying eyelids.

"Good. That's- That's good." Alex slurs back, the last reminiscent of adrenaline leaking out of her body in a heavy huff, "very, very good-"

Steph barely has a second to process what is happening before Alex's body gives out. By some miracle, she's able to flip her arms around her shoulders just fast enough to stop her from falling to the ground.

****

Pike helps her take Alex to the local hospital before going back to deal with Jed's arrest.

It's a small hospital and probably has about ten rooms, but given that these sorts of things (bad things) rarely ever happen in Haven Springs, they're quickly given a private room, and Alex is just conscient enough (before she passes out from the painkillers) to tell the staff she could stay.

Steph doesn't think she would have left either way. Not without knowing Alex was alright, but it's good to have permission to sit by her as she fluttered in and out of drug-induced, heavy sleep.

The doctor had given her the run-down of the other girl's injuries. Five broken ribs, stage two trauma to the head - probable concussion to be assessed once she was more awake - a punctured lung, internal bleeding all around the ribcage, and a bullet wound to the shoulder.

She was an absolute mess of scars. A walking, breathing miracle.

Steph had heard the doctor talking to the police when she stepped out to get some snacks at the vending machines. "She should be dead." He said, with such conviction and surprise, it made her stomach turn.

Steph felt that she could do nothing but sit by Alex's sleeping form, slowly realizing that she was absolutely screwed. Because she already liked this girl way too much - and God, what a roller-coaster of emotion she'd been put on the last month - but how could she not? When Alex just waltzed into everyone's lives like this determined, selfless little light? When she was so obviously a rare soul, made of so much sweetness, and softness, and strength, Steph doubted she'd ever come across someone like her again?

Looking at the circumstances from the other side now, it seemed as inevitable as any of it.

"I can feel you thinking." Alex's voice startles her out of her thoughts. Steph looks up to meet her tired brown eyes, looking so soft and vulnerable without her glasses and surrounded by clean hospital sheets, "You've been broody lately."

Steph giggles, choking on her own emotion, "Guess I'm still mad about Jed." It's not a lie. She is upset. But there was a lot more than that, more about how her insides swelled with emotion when Alex looked at her - but she leaves it the way it is.

"I forgave him." She shrugs. And Steph knows she did, she was there after all, but that didn't mean the drummer was quite as ready herself.

"Well, I didn't." And maybe that makes her childish - resentful - but she can't take the image of him pointing a gun at Alex out of her head. The image of him pulling the trigger, sending her off to what could very well have been death - "at least you made him cry like a baby."

"Jerk." Alex smiles, eyes squinting back at her in humorous indignation before they slowly turn more vulnerable as she adjusts herself on the mattress, patting the empty space beside her body, "Can you- come lie down with me?"

There's nothing, truly, that Steph would have liked more. She would take any chance of being closer to Alex (and of getting off the uncomfortable hospital chair) but she was also still afraid - still scared something might go wrong and they'd lose her. "Are you sure? You're hurt."

"Please?" Alex pleads, blinking back at her with honest-to-God puppy eyes, even if still a little glassed-over from the amount of Vicodin they were pumping into her veins. For the umpteenth time in the past few days, Steph has even more confirmation that she is screwed.

Because, honestly, there's nothing Alex couldn't get her to do with just a slow blink of her brown eyes.

So she gets up and climbs into bed with her. It's incredibly tight for two people, and they are instantly pressed together as Alex scoots over the pillow so they can look at each other, alone in this hospital room that smelled like industrial-grade detergent.

Alex reaches forward and takes her cheeks between her palms, so very close Steph can't help but catalog all the cuts and bruises covering her face.

"You're so pretty." The girl says, finally, and Steph can hear the tiny slur in her voice. She's probably still drunk on a shit ton of medicine, but it does nothing to stop the drummer from blushing profusely, "you're, really, really pretty. Have I told you that?"

"Hm- yeah you sorta- do that when you're on painkillers." Steph comments, and her eyes can't help but fall to Alex's mouth.

She has a tiny cut on her lower lip, and Steph's fingers itch to touch it. To feel her skin again, like that night on the roof, when she felt so warm and tingly, like a live wire of electricity that could swallow Steph whole. For now, she holds her distance.

"But it's true." Alex pouts, "and you're really hot when you're protective too."

Now that- that was different from anything she'd said before. And when she looks up, the girl realizes Alex's eyes have turned to stare at Steph's lips too.

"Yeah?" She asks, a little too cocky given the situation, but oh well, you can't blame her for the swell of pride that takes over her chest.

"Yeah." Alex teases back, "Thank you. For taking care of me. For being mad at Jed for me- even if you can't do anything about it." Her tone turns sincere, and her eyes flutter everywhere but Steph's face, Alex's dead giveaway that she was trying to hold something back.

"Oh please, I'll rip his mustache off." Steph jokes, because it's her default strategy when she doesn't quite know what to do, "You have lost your right to upstanding citizen facial hair, sir!"

"Fuck, Steph, don't make me laugh." Alex says as a few stolen giggles escape her lips, creating ripples across her shattered chest that made her hiss with pain.

"Shit, I'm sorry." Steph apologizes, and on instinct, she leans closer to run her hands over Alex's arm in reassurance, holding the weight of her body above Alex with her elbow.

From this angle, they were even closer, and Steph was staring at her from above, watching Alex smile at her, head on the pillow and a half-lidded, humorous expression on her face.

"Oh, this is nothing. Just a few cuts compared to my fighting days." She jokes, and Steph's heart is filled with so much concern, so much love for this girl she can't help but fluster with anger.

"Shut up. You're gonna hurt yourself if you don't take it seriously." Steph says, "you're like, seriously hurt, Alex, you could have died."

Steph wants to ask, but Alex's free hand reaches forward and pulls her closer, fist tightening around the collar of her button-up shirt, and suddenly they are so close her hand shakes with the itch to touch her, "See? Protective Steph is so hot."

"I know. I'm sorry." Alex has the decency to look reprimanded, smoothing one hand over Steph's shoulder in a simple act that sends calming waves over Steph's flushed skin, "I'm okay. I promise" she's being sincere, Steph knows she is by the way she frowns slightly in concern. However, there's a quiet, teasing smile spreading across her face.

And Steph honestly used to think she was smooth.

She made girls blush by the minute. Awoke the bisexuality in at least a few of her drunk makeouts on the way from California to here. She used to be a real flirt, ready for anything a pretty girl could throw her way. But sitting here, with her torso half hovering over Alex Chen's body, her tongue feels heavy, and her brain can't conjure a single thing to offer in response.

It's at least a relief that she doesn't say anything, because a second later, Alex is smiling at her with her coy, knowing little smirk, and pulling her in for a kiss.

Steph is far too focused on not crushing her further, very deliberately placing her hands on both sides of her head to better hold her weight, but she still feels the strong, dizzying zap of electricity as Alex's lips touch hers, her lungs filling with liquid, warm waves of emotion.

And maybe, Steph thinks, it'd be fine if she never breathed air again.

[harrywritingsbyme]

Hi would you mind writing a short lil something about Harry and Reader turning bubs‘ room into a big boy room and getting kind of emotional getting rid/storing away all his baby stuff? That last ask was so cute 🥺

Growing Up

Based Off Of This Ask

A/N: So I just wanted to write something. So I wrote some dad!Harry fluff for y’all bc this concept was too cute and I just loved it so much. It’s just a little blurb, that kinda gives me a head cannon type of vibe for some reason...so I hope it doesn’t suck lmao! enjoy🥺🥰

Your little boy was growing up so fast. It was almost as if you had blinked and the time just passed you both by. You and Harry could vividly remember the day you two found out that you were expecting, when bubs was just a tiny bean in your stomach. The both of you were beyond happy in that moment. You were gleefully jumping around the bedroom and you two let the joy filled tears from the amazing news flow from your eyes as you celebrated this monumental moment in you guys’ family and life together. 

Over the course of the nine or so months following that day, you and Harry happily watched as your baby boy (and you for that matter) grew. You and Harry got to see your baby at your scheduled ultrasounds and you watched him transform from a little dot on the screen to a fully formed baby with ten fingers and toes along with a miniature version of Harry’s nose. The two of you felt bubs growing too. When you felt yourself getting bigger, your son was getting bigger as well. Along with the increase in the amount of weight forming in your midsection, you could feel your son moving around too. As you became farther along in your pregnancy, you could feel your baby boy moving around in your stomach more and more. There were so many times where bubs would move around and kick you, to which you’d let out a sharp wince and Harry would softly yet “sternly” reprimand his son letting him know that it wasn’t nice to kick his mommy. But even though you could definitely go without a swift kick to your ribs, you couldn’t stop the little smile from spreading across your face once you got over the initial pain of it all. You were so happy to feel that your baby boy was growing and healthy, and you were beyond excited to see him. 

Along with a couple of very memorable days throughout your pregnancy, and the day you found out that you were expecting, the day you finally gave birth was definitely a day that would always remain clear at the forefront of you and Harry’s minds. After an epidural(that was hardly effective in your opinion), hours upon hours of being in labor, a lot of tears, and some strong screams at Harry, the two of you finally welcomed your baby boy into the world. He was absolutely perfect and everything you and Harry had envisioned. Even though he was much bigger than the tiny dot on the screen at the very early stage of your pregnancy, he was still incredibly tiny. Especially when he was in Harry’s arms. The two of you soaked up every moment with your baby boy and neither of you wanted him to grow up and not be the little baby that fit perfectly in your arms. Even when he kept the two of you up at night and into the wee hours of the morning, you and Harry never wanted him to grow up.

But that’s exactly what he did. Again, it was like the two of you blinked and the time just blew right past you both. One moment he was the tiny little human that found his home in your belly and then in your arms. And the next he was a two and a half year old carbon copy of Harry with a sprinkle of you in the mix that had a big and amazing personality of his own. He was without a doubt you and Harry’s favorite person in the world and there weren’t enough words in the world to describe how much love you two had for that little boy. But even though this was the case, you and Harry couldn’t help but miss that little baby you brought home two and a half years ago.

And since he was no longer a baby anymore, it was time for bubs to get his first big boy room. 

He’d already outgrown so many of the clothes you and Harry had gotten him along with the toys he had. The last thing on the outgrown list was the crib. And once that was finally crossed off the list, it meant that he’d finally outgrown everything. Which meant that it was time to give him a room that best suited him and his growth along with his interests. You and Harry noticed that bubs had taken a great interest in dinosaurs. From the toys he wanted and played with to the books he wanted to read to his favorite pajamas, everything was dinosaurs. So that’s what you and Harry decided to play off of when building your sons new room. The two of you wanted to create a dinosaur oasis for him and you wanted it to be everything that the toddler could possibly want. For almost four months you and Harry bought all of the furniture and decor that fit perfectly into the dinosaur theme the two of you had envisioned. And as it all came in, the two of you were able to perfectly and seamlessly put the room together. Every once in a while having a little hiccup in the process like not centering a nail on the wall or something, but nothing major. 

Now while you and Harry were loving the project and enjoyed doing this for your son, it was still a really hard process for you both. Particularly for Harry though. As the two of you got closer to being done with the new room, you and Harry began packing up bubs’ baby clothes and things that he grew out of so that you could donate them and make space for the new things you two had gotten for him. As you two packed though, Harry was incredibly sad. While he loved his little man who ran around and was just full of life and energy, he missed his little baby. He couldn’t pick him up and have him all snug and tucked into his arms the same way he used to. Bubs was bigger and all of that was sinking in now as Harry packed up all of the small clothes and toys. With everything that was placed into the container, a little coo or memory left Harry’s mouth. He couldn’t stop himself from getting a little emotional at the fact that his baby was now a big boy. The both of you were incredibly sad that he was growing up so fast. 

And even though it was an incredibly sad thing to think about, what made both you and Harry happy about it all was the big smile and shouts of amazement that came from your son once you two revealed the room to him. He was absolutely in love with his new big boy bed and all of the dinosaur pictures and decor on the walls, and the toys, and the dinosaur nightlight you two had gotten for him. He ran around the room looking at everything and taking it all in and just loving what his mommy and daddy put together for him. He couldn’t stop saying the cutest little thank you’s which only melted you and Harry even more. Seeing bubs so happy made you and Harry beyond happy and it made the whole growing up thing a bit easier. 

After showing some of the things he couldn’t immediately see in his new room and playing with him a bit, you and Harry decided to step out and let bubs enjoy his new room for a little bit while you two continued with cleaning out his old room. The two of you gave the little boy a ton of squeezes and kisses before leaving him alone with his toys and getting back to packing all the baby stuff up. You and Harry had a set up on the floor so the two of you got back down there and went back to folding and looking through things. After a little while though, Harry couldn’t do it anymore. He was too overcome with the fact that his baby boy was getting bigger and now had his first big boy room. All of it was just too much for him. Keeping the little clothing item in his hand, Harry turns himself around and lays down on the floor, resting his head in your lap and causing you to turn your attention onto him. 

“What’s going on babe?” You ask, finishing up the fold on the item in your hands before giving him your full attention. 

“M’sad” Harry mumbles with a big pout spread across his face. 

“Why baby?” You coo, bringing one of your hands to the side of his face and the other to his hair. 

“Because! Our baby isn’t a baby anymore.” Harry whines dramatically. 

“It’s not like he’s 30 or something with a wife and kid of his own...you are.” You joke, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Y/n!” He whines. 

“Okay fine! I hate it when you’re all mopey and sad, so don’t be. I’m sad too, but it’ll be okay. No matter how big he gets, he’ll always be our baby.”

“I know, I just can’t stop thinking about how small he was when we brought him home and how he really needed us. Now he’s this little person who isn’t as small and who is starting to not need us. He’s his own little person.” He explains. 

“Well he is his own little person. But he’s only two and a half, so he’ll be needing us for a good while Harry.” You reassure him with a little laugh, trying your best to comfort your very emotional husband. “What will make you feel better? What’s gonna make my baby feel better?” You coo, softly pinching his cheek in the process. 

“Make another baby?” He proposes, turning is head up towards you. 

“You know that takes both of us right?” You ask sarcastically, trying your hardest to not roll your eyes at him. 

“If I’m not mistaken, I remember you being a big fan of the baby making process.” He reminds you smugly. 

“Maybe.”

“See! Plus we’ve talked about it a couple times, so it’s the perfect time.” He says happily in your lap. “If we put bubs down for his nap now, we can have our second bubby cooking in there by dinner.” He says optimistically, bringing a hand up to your currently empty stomach. 

“I don’t think that’s how it works Harry.” You deadpan, trying to hold back your laughs from how happy and cute he was in this moment. 

“Who cares?! It never hurts to try!!” Harry continues on. “Are you in?” He asks hopefully. 

“Let’s make another baby then.” You giggle, giving in to the idea. From the outside looking in, it may have looked like a bit of a spur of the moment thing. But in actuality, you were already thinking of possibly adding another member to the Styles family. You too were sad at the idea of your little boy growing up. And on top of that, you wanted him to have a sibling and someone to play with. So it all kind of worked out. Bubs was going to be turning three soon and you and Harry were really thinking and talking about another baby so it was perfect. You just hoped that you wouldn’t be popping out another baby as each of the other kids were growing up. You were kind of crossing your fingers that going forward a big boy bed didn’t come with the quest of having another baby. 

Maybe after baby number two harry wouldn’t be so sad about growing up. 

Masterlist

[deadwriter16]

bkdk w/ jealous bkg bc of rody + first confession(s) pls 👀👀

i was gonna get more then one done today, but life happened lol

anyway. this one was hard for a number of reasons. i haven't seen WHM yet, so all the information i have is based off the trailer but muted (i watched it in class), a couple rody gifs, that one picture of bakugou looking hot, and the wikipedia summary of the movie.

i tried my best.

i also don't like the romantic jealousy trope. like at all. i like jealousy as an angst factor during the pining stage, or as a possessive kind of thing, but i've never liked it as a catalyst for confessing or as anything seriously relationship-affecting. i don't like those things where someone gets jealous and then gets all mad and loses it. so i changed this one up a bit to something i liked writing better. it still follows the prompt of course, the trope is just switched up :)

despite that, i hope you still enjoy!!

----------

Katsuki hates planes. Not because he’s fucking weak, but because they’re cramped and he’s claustrophobic. Damn PTSD. Katsuki takes absolutely no pleasure in being crammed against the wall of the plane with Todoroki next to him and Deku next to Todoroki. Sure, it’s nice to get the window seat, but not when Todoroki is basically breathing down his neck and Deku seems to be off in space somewhere. Katsuki frowns, trying to pay attention to the song playing in his headphones. But he can feel Todoroki looking at nothing over his shoulder, obviously wanting to talk to Katsuki.

Katsuki pulls off his headphones and glares. “What.”

“Some fight, wasn’t it?” Todoroki asks, “you did well, Bakugou.”

“I don’t need your fucking pity,” Katsuki snarls, despite knowing that Todoriki isn’t pitying him. He’s just too tired to talk about this fight right now. Especially with how spacey and off Deku’s been since they got on the plane. Deku hasn’t said much since he said goodbye to Rody before leaving for Japan, and Katsuki doesn’t really know how to feel about that.

Rody Soul is a perfectly nice guy, and Katsuki thinks that jealousy in general is one of the stupidest human emotions in existence. But he’s been jealous of everything that touches Deku since the day he realized that’s the emotion he was feeling, not intense hatred. And now Katsuki has better things to worry about than the regret constantly nagging at him, like becoming the number one hero. Or dealing with fucking Todoroki.

“It’s not pity,” Todoroki responds, “you seem upset. I’m trying to help you, but I’m not doing it right. Should I challenge you to a fight? That usually works for you-”

“We’re on a goddamn plane, you idiot,” Katsuki rolls his eyes, and then clicks off his seatbelt (yes, he wears it even when the seatbelt sign is off) and roughly pushes past Todoroki, shoving Deku with his leg. “Move, Deku. I gotta piss.”

“Oh,” Deku snaps out of his daze, “sorry, Kacchan.” Deku moves his legs, and Katsuki walks to the back of the plane, shutting himself in the tiny ass bathroom. Now he feels even worse, the stuffy feeling too similar to slime. But he does have to piss, so does as fast as he can before covering his ears as he flushes (plane toilets flush really fucking loud). Katsuki washes his hands and pushes open the door as quickly as he can, practically inhaling the slightly less stuffy air of the hallway, and almost hitting Deku in the face.

“Shit!” Katsuki stops the door from slamming into Deku, “the hell are you doing here, Deku? There’s another bathroom down the hall, dumbass.”

“I just wanted to check on you,” Deku shrugs, “you’ve been kind of...off this whole plane ride. Since we got to the airport, actually. Are you okay, Kacchan?”

“Am I okay?” Katsuki snorts, “you’re the one who’s been spacey as fuck. That fight must’ve taken a shit ton outta you, huh? And leaving that fucker with the bird.”

“The what-” Deku furrows his brow, “oh, Rody? Yeah, I’ll miss him a lot. But hopefully the next time we get a break from school I can go visit him-”

“I didn’t ask, Deku,” Katsuki mutters, starting to walk away.

“You literally did-” Deku protests, “seriously, Kacchan. Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Deku,” Katsuki snarls, “stop asking and go back to whining over your one hundredth best friend, who’s probably gonna visit you first, since everyone loves you-”

“Kacchan,” Deku crosses his arms, eyes narrowing, “you're being an ass. What is your problem?”

Katsuki blinks, always taken aback when Deku stands up to him, but not upset like he might have been when he was younger and stupid. Now, Katsuki appreciates that Deku’s willing to put Katsuki in his place. So Katsuki breathes, in and out, then sighs. “Nothin,’ Deku. Shouldn’t have fuckin yelled like that. It’s uh, it’s a good thing you’ve got friends. And...it’s a good thing I ain’t one of ‘em.”

Deku’s gaze turns understanding. “Kacchan, you know that you’re my friend, too, right? We’ve fixed our relationship enough that we are-”

“I used to be your best friend, though,” Katsuki spits childishly, regreting it immediately.

Deku’s face contorts into something like pity. “Oh, Kacchan…”

“Not that I fucking care or anything!” Katsuki yells, taking a few steps back. But Deku grabs his wrist before he can go anywhere, keeping Katsuki in place. He’s silent for a bit, biting his lip as if pondering something.

“You’re right, Kacchan,” Deku finally says, hand loose around Katsuki’s wrist, giving him the option to leave. He doesn’t. “You’re not my best friend.”

Katsuki’s heart drops. He hates himself for it.

“You’re more, Kacchan,” Deku finishes, and Katsuki’s eyes widen, “you’ve always been more. To be honest, Kacchan, I...I like you. Like, like like you.”

Katsuki snorts before he can stop himself, simply from the juvenile confession. Deku’s looking at him with something like hope in his eyes, as well as anxiety manifesting itself in Deku’s now bone-crushing grip on his wrist. Katsuki just stands, processing Deku’s statement. Deku...likes him. Even after all the bullying. Even after meeting a million better people for him. Even after Katsuki basically admitted to being jealous over a perfectly decent guy.

Maybe, Katsuki admits to himself, he’s been jealous this whole time not only because he wants to be Deku’s best friend, but because he also wants to be just Deku’s.

“Huh,” Katsuki says out loud, “I think I fuckin’ like you too.”

Deku’s responding smile is big and beaming. Katsuki doesn’t hate it at all.

[sugar-petals]

Hey Caro ☺️ I just took your super m quiz - thanks for making such a fun quiz, I feel like it helped me get into super m! I know nothing about them yet but I thought it fit soo well that I got Kai bc I’m a full time dancer - now you have me super curious about him 👀👀

KAI :: INTRODUCTION MASTERPOST (dance focus)

so you wanna know about the god of k-pop choreo? oh yeah, i’ll talk to you about fucking kai! if you dance, this guy is the #1 must-know. once you see him move, there’s no going back. i don’t exaggerate: kai is the gold standard. brace yourselves, i’ll show you why.

kim kai aka kim jongin (27) is a solo artist and super m’s plus exo’s main dancer — est 2019 and 2012 respectively — heading either group with a passionate, hyper-physical style that roots in his early practice of of jazz dance and ballet. the influence definitely shows. 

learning choreography, he’s become the gorgeous fusion of emotional grace and explosive power that unites both tension and extreme accuracy. while at the same time: never sacrificing his interpretation. and HOW MUCH HE BLEEDS FOR HIS CRAFT. he enjoys it so much. 

and he’s communicating it 100%, jongin’s dance is so interactive and raw, luring. i swear to god, put the seatbelts on for this one. it’s never just him, it’s you as well. you’ve never seen this before. he’s like “yes, i meant you, i’m looking at you”:

he’s even gonna modify the choreography to point right at you to underline that very thought. he’s so good, he can learn it, ace it, epitomize it, and do his own thing anyway. even the person in the last row will get whatever point kai wants to make. this is dance that belongs on the biggest stages.

even when he films without a crowd, it’s like you’re literally standing opposite to him. he focuses on two people: his moves, and the viewer. he has it look like you made him smile and self-aware, or you made him determined. INCREDIBLE. he shows his charisma, BUT he also shows your own (!) impact on him. it’s a duet. he wants you to join him on the dancefloor. this is from exo’s call me baby mv where kai does his famous come-hither:

he flirts and he encourages. he values the audience and wants them to be confident as well. i think it’s the reason why he’s so outstanding and addictive, kai thinks beyond himself. it’s a tango he involves you in with his eyes and how he opens his body, interprets a lyric.

it’s not about imposing himself going one way. instead: he plays the back and forth ALL. THE. TIME. in any context. whether it be frivolous, or fun, or gloomy, or sweet. even with a simple little smiley wink it’s happening. and he acts like you had a reaction to it. there’s literally just a camera.

this guy’s physique, strength, elegance, feeling for the beat, character portrayal (!), and control is unbelievable. he’s destroyed it in every fancam out there. he can’t switch it off even if he tried. your eyes would go toward him in the largest group formation still. put him in the center, that’s his spot, he showcases it.

because he doesn’t just show learned moves, he makes it radiate something dynamic and animalistic (he embodies superm’s ‘tiger inside’ all the way). 

jongin’s dance says: i love this, you love this, let’s do this, the feeling is right. he makes bodies and unrestrained touch the opposite of wrong, he pronounces it a source of having fun and being instinctual. and he never breaks the tie with you throughout, and uses his shoulders and lips to put the oomph into it. 

he uses innuendo and a ‘we both know’ sentiment perfectly as an invitation rather than just going through his routine. that’s how he can make each move fascinating. you can tell kai knows exactly how to make everyone scream their lungs out. i bet somebody held their breath just reading this post already.

exo’s most famous choreo is ‘monster’ (kai focus linked) with good reason: jongin can turn himself into nothing short of a roaring beast. it’s one sharp, complex move after the other. kai can bend any gravitational law he wants to show any feeling and pose he wants. a glimpse:

now, how to spot him in general if you’re new to him? here are some pointers. kai’s execution is clean, fast, and powerful. those are two decades (!) of experience showing. kai is an all or nothing dancer, he plays no games. he treats every group and solo stage like his best and last. his work ethic is beyond words. yeah, he’s a capricorn. his style is direct as can be, working every axis.

as you can see, jongin is hard to overlook anyway: he’s a 182cm giant made of steel. he strives to acutely visualize impact in his style and it is always successful. in fact, it’s his signature. it’s like he creates invisible objects and pushes through them. boom, he just burst another bubble.

when the song gets to his part, i guarantee you won’t miss him and all the boldness and expression he brings to enrich the performance. hell... he carries it. jongin can handle the center, i’m telling you. (look how fast he rotates here)

talking features — this is what to look for when he dances in a group setting: you can recognize kai’s face by how wide, bluntly structured and sensual it is. jongin is a sight. he has such an aura, serious, sultry, and smiling alike.

with a very recognizable silhouette (like... holy hell!):

he’s very cute as well ♡ the fandom and kai himself have an adorable analogy going on. jongin calls himself a teddy/nini bear and we joined in on it. (i made a thread about it here, it talks more about his offstage life) — hence kai’s fans are called eri-gom, eris as in exo’s fanbase and gom meaning bear. 

and i mean. look at him. what an attractive guy. he’s that handsome. strong brows, teddy eyes, square jaw, swept hair, glorious lips, tan skin. 

now yes, something important concerning his appearance and a serious topic: i don’t want to list you the endless instances of colorism that kai has to endure but it has to be mentioned. jongin has been called every name in the book and people agonize him over his skin incessantly. it goes on and on and on. every day a new terrible comment about him emerges because some pitiful person thought it was funny and would elevate them. 

he’s had to deflect, ignore, reframe, defend, remotivate, assert, harden, prove, denounce, and push himself, protect his confidence, decline skin bleaching constantly, laugh along, dance and practice thrice as hard to get the respect, and still see his dignity torn to pieces all day. i’ll just give it to you straight, that’s all fucked up. kai’s skin is perfect, he’s amazing and wonderful. 

in his own words:

— exactly right. say it even louder.

having him at the bottom of every joke is weird and messed up. this man is an utter beauty and nothing has to be fixed. it is up to him to define himself rather than get called ugly for his skin’s appearance by default, and get whitewashed at every opportunity. it’s been going on for 27 years, he scrunitizes himself all the time and doesn’t look at himself fondly because he hears these beatdowns daily.

it’s heartbreaking that this happens literally with no end in sight (’kai is just a stripper!’... ‘he has bad vibes’... ‘darkest guy jongin!’). for his skin, and how he decides to show it, too. jesus christ his skin looks fantastic, end of debate. they just can’t handle him, kai couldn’t be any more immaculate.

♡

jongin has vigorously protected fans from discrimination, bullies, and shaming himself whenever it came up. in a very straightforward and deadpan manner because he knows exactly how it damages you. (”J” in the subtitles = jongin, he’s wearing the plain white top at the very back)

we need to protect and praise him that way right back. it’s important.

so, needless to say. all in for jongin getting the center stage he deserves. because he has the wow factor in every regard. kai usually opens an MV because there’s no better way to get people’s attention with that level of presence. with kai, you can’t go wrong. if you get the center in a an all star group like superm, you are the king.

being part of that presence, kai’s stage alter ego has reached levels of infamity you can’t even imagine. it’s great to see him being sovereign without apology.

and it doesn’t stop there. he shows time and again that acting, props, and commanding the audience has to be mastered to be an exceptional dancer. kai owns his sex appeal. sometimes, he even dances a portion of choreo with his eyes closed because he’s feeling it so much.

he is a pro in using his surroundings as well, superm’s stages are a glorious opportunity for kai to show how he comfortably ‘lives in’ the 3D space around him.

which makes the viewer do the same: watching kai makes you feel amazing, energized, but also serene and enjoying the moment. 

there’s always balance. it’s the magic of it. e.g. he comes along with so much impetus and decisiveness but eventually, he halts to offer himself. here i am — take me. i’m yours. closed arms, open arms. walking, kneeling. looking down, looking up.

kai goes every extra mile there ever was and makes each eye contact count. involving the audience, one grin at a time. it works. it’s about establishing contact. he connects to the onlooker with so much nuance. 

kai’s smirk is notorious and you can see why it’s so raw and real: he makes it linger. it’s such a duality since his dancing says i’ll come over, while his message is come and get me, i know what’s on your mind.

with a hilarious twist – kai expertly uses humor. you don’t get that in many dancer repertoires. i love it. all those quick expression changes. his smile! 😊 what a man.

so — what makes him so good and known: yes, his style doesn’t deny that dancing and eroticism are one in his business. that takes courage. kai has it. iconic performances have been his reward. point dance/killing part: exo’s love shot choreo. 

that suit has swept the nation. what’s more: kai shows you it’s more than just good hip movement that a good dancer needs. he does everything at once, he puts the pleasure on his face, all his limbs are following the template he chooses.

the thing is. kai couldn’t be any shyer, but when the music starts he becomes a oscar-winning madman. he emotes constantly (!) and stays in character. this is gold.

jongin always plays it up. he knows how to use that face and does a lot of power posing. this is how visceral looks like. he’s interpreted exo’s aggressive concepts to a T.

and he has so. much. fun. it propels him. on every beat.

past every hurt, heartbreak and injury, man. if you know about his genre you knew this was coming, kai does all of that with 4 herniated discs. since debut days, never recovered. every gif in this thread, he dances with a battered spine. wheelchairs, stage collapses, relapse-recovery-schedule tales, the dilemma of injuries being inevitable, limping, kai falling into depression during breaks, constant pain killers, countless tears on stage, we’ve seen it all, the extreme end of it. 

kai works out like hell to literally keep his body from falling apart. but it doesn’t help the nerves in his back that are impacted. doing choreo you can sometimes literally see the pain kicking in and he pulls himself through with force for the last minute. once you know how strained his back is, you can see it.

at the end his expression goes fuck now it’s coming when the adrenaline fades. he takes every second-pause he gets to rest but still finishes each move. even when he holds back, he keeps it together and executes each turn. sometimes, he has to restrict himself and soften his movements to protect his health (especially in hard choreographies such as lucky one which is universally disliked by exo — still jongin makes the very best of it smiling bright and dancing so hard his sleeves come off).

he frequently states he ‘dances in any case unless his legs are affected by something’. all torso injuries are fair game, this guy is hardcore. and people claim he’s just pretending. chen (a fellow exo member) says not a single part of jongin’s body is intact. he has paid every price to get this far to follow his love. he’ll step on stage with crutches. he works SO HARD.

that being said: exo being called the official nation’s group, i say kai is the nation’s dancer. period. he has had his great moment at the korean olympics flawlessly dancing in a hanbok with traditional instruments and fulfilling his dream. 

i love the tension and drama he can bring. he can also thrill with slow, vulnerable movements alike.

kai’s is called a legend, he’s all that and even more. the facial expressions alone are feared by any kai stan because they hit home. 

this guy is a sex icon and goes off like a gun, messing around was never kai’s incentive. 

while at the same time being incredibly nuanced and so, so descriptive with his movements.

point dance: baby don’t cry. yep, kai has danced in water. must-watch.

this man loves what he is doing. he said he wouldn’t regret to die on stage because dancing is his destiny. boy, it shows. this guy has found his purpose. he can tell any story he wants. he’s a complete artist.

he’s perfectly portraying his incentive and he couldn’t look any more like a god on earth.

long story short, kai is dance and motivation goals. if you dance professionally, you can easily look toward him for the right words.

if you want to further your study and knowledge: he released a self-titled solo album recently. highly recommended. he worked forever on it, and he’s really dishing it on there. you get to hear his soft voice plus sizzling footwork. and he isn’t even getting started yet. you’ll hear from kai, i promise. he constantly achieves new levels of artistic perfection.

a last remark. jongin is amazing for a myriad of reasons that go beyond what i show you here given the post focuses on his work on stage. but the point stands, while other people have tried to break him, he broke through every barricade instead and stood up for himself. we can be extremely happy to have him and witnessing his unreal dance is an exceptional pleasure. here’s to jongin continuing his passion and confidence, healing, and getting the sweeping respect and acknowledgement that is his.

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

Scars (Smut)

Scars

Summary: You hadn't seen Will ever since the day he left you to chase Hannibal in Florence, finding out after a while that he got married to someone else. But with the murders of the tooth fairy, Jack asked him to come back to help, and he couldn't stay away anymore, showing up for a visit. Will the old scars of your heart burst open in new wounds or heal completely?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: SMUT, angst, swearing, spoilers from season 3.

Word count: 3.381

A/n: this is the first smut I write in English, it's not my first language, so I hope it's alright. Any mistakes or anything, just let me know. This is another one with my boi Will, I just love him so much AAAAAA

As I read The Wuthering Heights for the hundredth time sitting in the living room, I heard someone ring the doorbell. I sighed, staring at the clock. It was still early. The person I was expecting would just come in, after all, Alana was a close friend and she knew she was allowed to do so. I raised an eyebrow. I wasn't expecting anybody else.

My dog, Sally, started to bark thunderously, sniffing under the door. I closed the book lethargicly, rolling my eyes as I got up the couch in a lazy mood, walking to the door and opening without asking who was outside, realizing perhaps too soon it was a mistake.

Will Graham stared at me, a light smile in his handsome face that didn't reach his eyes. I felt like something was twitching my stomach, and probably turned albescent. I hadn't seen him in over three years. Alana warned me he was back in town to work on the tooth fairy's case, but I didn't think he would stop by for a visit. Not after so long. 

"Good to see you, Y/n." He tried, obtaining no response of mine. "I… I was just around the neighborhood and I wanted to see you. It's been a while."

"Who gave you my address?" I retorted, probably sounding more hostile than I intended.  He stepped back, scratching the back of his neck, probably already regretting the impulsive idea. 

"Jack."

"Of course he did. What else did he tell you?"

"Was there anything else he should've told me?" I searched his face for any sign of emotions, but didn't get anything that could tell me what he was feeling. The old Will was someone I could always read, no matter what. After Hannibal came along, he just started to show less and less emotions, till his face became a cold mask, his deep eyes empty, opaque. I missed the sweet, caring Will. 

I was just standing there, silent. Sally found some space between my legs and managed to get out the house, launching at Will, wagging her tail and trying to get close enough of his ears so she could lick them. Will laughed lightly, crouching down to pet her. 

"Who's this?" He asked, scratching behind her ears. I crossed my arms, I gave everything to that dog, undying love, a bed, high quality food, and now she backstabs me. 

"That's Sally. She's a stray I took in one year and a half ago. Sally, sweetheart, come inside." I whistled once and she obeyed, running through my legs again. I sighed, stepping away from the door so he could come in. Maybe he wouldn't stay for long if I just let him in. He hesitated, but entered, passing through me. I could smell the air as he passed, he still used the same aftershave. That hurt even more, and I could feel my eyes watering a little. Why did he have to come? Why was he here? What does he want? 

I tried to hide it, opening the kitchen door so Sally could play in the backyard, then walking to the sideboard where I kept whisky.

"Would you like some?" I inquired, still not feeling safe enough to face him. "I'm pouring myself one."

"Sure. Please. Neat." He replied, and I could feel his eyes on me, watching every single movement I made. That made my hands tremble a bit, and I cursed in a whisper when I spilled a little bit of the drink. So fucking clumsy. 

I finally faced him when I felt my eyes get dryer, smiling lightly as I gave him the glass of whisky, neat. Our fingers touched a bit and I sat beside him, albeit a little far, taking a long sip of my glass. We stayed like that for a few minutes, two strangers that used to know each other, love each other. My eyes traveled through his face and I distinguished some new scars, probably from the great encounter with Hannibal Lecter and Mason Verger​ a few years ago. I remembered the way I used to kiss every single scar he had, I loved every part of Will, his scars were part of his story, part of who he was. 

He lowered his eyes for a moment, smiling as he saw the book standing on the coffee table.

"Is it still your favorite? Wuthering Heights." He grabbed the book, opening the first page. There was the name I didn't use anymore. Y/n Graham. He gave me that edition as a Christmas gift a long time ago, and I couldn't get rid of it, fantasizing that after such a long time, I could still feel Will's scent in it. 

"Undoubtedly. Every time I read it it's like the first. Except maybe now it's even more bitter." I avoided facing him, staring at the book, suddenly feeling pretty silly. He didn't ask. He knew why. 

"I suppose Heathcliff's still your favorite character."

"Now more than even, guess I finally understand his suffering." I regretted sounding so harsh, but it was said now. Will clenched his jaw.

"So you're saying I'm your Catherine?"

"I don't know. Am I?" I teased, hugging my body protectively. "Why are you here, Will? Why did you have to come? To torment me? You left three years ago after I begged you to stay, you just had to go after Hannibal, pursue your hunt. I allowed you to go, but I couldn't be there when you returned. I didn't even know you would return alive or if I would see a miserable Jack Crawford knocking on my door with grief in his face. I wouldn't bear it. So I left, but I kept expecting you to come find me if you ever got back. Then, Hannibal was finally arrested. I thought it was finally over, but you never came. You left again, and a while later I heard…"

My eyes traveled through his hands and I saw it. The wedding ring. That hurt so much I finally felt tears wetting my face, and dismissed them quickly with one hand.

"So it is true. You did get married." My voice sounded venomous, sharp as a knife. "Lucky girl. We didn't even get to that stage. Engagement was the maximum."

He was silent, allowing me to vent. As I haven't done that a lot with Alana already. His eyes were finally wet, finally some emotion on his face. That handsome face. That face I would never get tired of. I wanted to kiss them away, hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but it wouldn't. That teacup would never gather itself up again. We were two broken souls. 

"I thought you wouldn't want me anymore. I wasn't the man you once met, the man you fell for, I was no longer good for you, if I ever have been. Hannibal changed me in ways you could never understand, ways even I don't understand."

"Hannibal changed all of us. Like a poison ivy that found its way into our cores and grew roots there. I can still feel his damage inside me, like… A cancer. It spreads. It tastes like metal at the tip of my tongue. I saw his face in my dreams for a very long time after you left. I still see him sometimes, not necessarily in my dreams…" I stopped talking as he grabbed my hand, caressing the palm with his thumb. I realized how much I missed his hands. They were a little rough due to how much he worked with them, but it never bothered me. It was ridiculous how much he could still affect me with a single touch, a look. 

"I wanted to start over. Leave everything behind. I wanted to… Flee from that darkness that nested me. But it followed me, as it does wherever I go. I wanted someone pure, so it could contain it, or even diminish it. But you, Y/n… You never left my mind. I could never suppress you." He raised his hand, touching my cheek with cold, pale fingers. That touch made me close my eyes, his voice working like a balsam inside of me. I sighed, totally giving in. 

Will got closer, his lips touching mine with such delicacy. I touched his hair, grabbing some on the back of his neck, pulling it lightly. That made him release a low groan, as the kiss started to get deeper. I moved my body, wanting to stay as close to him as the laws of physics allowed, and when I felt his tongue touch mine, fireworks eclode from my chest, my heart beating as fast as a hummingbird's. 

I still loved him, of course I did. I never stopped. All the bitterness he left with his departure started to boil on my chest, becoming something else, something I couldn't figure out yet. His lips moved from mine to my neck, and I moaned a little louder, sinking my nails on his shoulders. One of his hands moved to my thigh and I allowed myself to lie down on the couch, pulling him with me. He lifted my leg and I embraced his waist with them, feelings mixtured inside my chest. That was wrong, he was a married man now. He had a wife waiting for him back home. 

But, for a moment while he stared at me, our foreheads glued together, I saw my Will in his eyes. I saw the Will I first met, the socially awkward man Alana introduced me years ago and couldn't even stare me in the eyes, the kind, caring man I once knew. One single tear fell from his eye, and I knew he was probably conflicted as well. I kissed it away, kissing his lips again, a deep, slow kiss that made my insides chiver. I needed him so much. Even if it was just one time. Just for today. I needed that kind of closure.

I unbottoned his shirt, sinking my fingers into the skin of his biceps. He threw it on the floor, going for my clothes, and I thanked myself mentally for a moment for wearing a dress. He'd seen it before, he'd taken it off many times. He lifted the piece of clothing above my head and I threw it away gladly, kissing his neck while opening his pants. He kicked off his shoes, doing the same with the pants and underwear as I took off my bra. He took a while to stare at my body, his pupils so dilated with lust his eyes were almost completely black.

"No one looks at me the way you do." I said, noticing I haven't heard that tone in my voice for a very long time. 

He pulled my panties off and rested his hips on mine, shutting his eyes as he slipped slowly inside of me. I let out a low gasp, trying to stabilize my breathing. Will hid his face on my neck and I could feel his hot breathing and the light scratches of his beard. Still slowly, he started to move inside me, thrusting back and forth. I bit my bottom lip as I tried to suppress a groan, and one of his hands grabbed my breast, his thumb stimulating the nipple. Will knew all my "buttons". Where to push, where to hold, so I could melt in his hands. 

He started to thrust faster and faster, and I could feel the familiar feeling growing at the bottom of my stomach. A few more minutes and I lifted my head up, shutting my eyes as the pleasure started to grow.

"No." Will said almost in a whisper, pulling my chin down. "Let me see your face. I need it." 

I stared at him while we both climaxed, a loud cry leaving my lips and Will's almost louder groan echoing through my ears. He dropped his body on mine, both of us covered in sweat and bodily fluids. We stayed that way until we could breathe normally again, his head on my chest and my fingers playing with his hair.

I wanted to say so many things. How much I loved him. How much I wanted him to stay. How much I've missed him. But he knew. He always knew. After that, we showered together to get rid of the sweat, and even then we couldn't stay away from each other. He hugged me while the water washed our body, kissing sometimes my lips, sometimes my forehead, my neck, my shoulder. I kissed every single one of his scars, as I used to do. I thought I'd seen tears on his face, but it might have been the water pouring from the shower. 

After we finished the shower, he got dressed and I put on a robe, my hair wetting the silk. Will took my face in his hands, kissing my lips with tenderness. I wanted to ask him to stay. He knew that. I wanted him to leave before I made a fool of myself.

He was still holding my face when the door suddenly opened and I pushed him away quickly.

Alana entered, looking from Will to me, and I knew I would get scolded later for that. She noticed, always cunning. 

"Well, just look what the cat dragged in." She said with sarcasm, the door still open. "Hi, Will. Long time no see."

"Alana." He said, seeming surprised. She didn't have time to answer, though. Her son, Morgan, entered the house accompanied by my little world.

"Mommy!" The dark haired child ran to me, bringing a smile to my face as I crouched down to hug him.

"My beautiful boy! Did you have fun at the zoo?" I asked, forgetting about Will's presence for a while. "I hope he wasn't too much trouble, Alana. Henry, did you behave?"

"Mommy, we saw a lion! He roared, and then we saw the giraffes, and the tiger…"

"Look at you dodging my question! Very canny." I laughed, hugging him again.

"He always behaves, you know that. He's a good kid." Alana answered, but she wasn't looking at me. She was staring directly at Will.

I looked at him. His eyes were on Henry, he seemed shocked, astonished. 

"I'll be on my way, then. I'll call you later." She said almost like a threat, making me smile.

"Okay. Bye, Morgan. Send my regards to Margot, Alana, and come to dinner at the end of the week."

"Will do. See you around, Will." She closed the door behind her, leaving me with the two people I loved the most. 

"Henry, this is Will. He's an old friend of mommy's. Won't you say hello?" I brought him closer to Will, and he got down on his knees, his eyes wet. 

"Hi, Henry." He greeted, smiling with joy. Real joy. I smiled back, caressing Henry's hair. "It's nice meeting you."

"Hi." He replied with shyness, hiding behind my body. That made me laugh lightly.

"Baby, why don't you go upstairs and draw a picture of that lion you saw? How about that?" I asked him, kissing the top of his head.

"Okay, mommy." He started to climb up the stairs as Will still stared at him, seeming amazed. 

"Is he… Is he…" Will tried to formulate his words, emotion breaking his voice.

"Yes. He's yours. Not difficult to notice, right? He looks just like you." I replied, wiping the tears away. "I found out I was pregnant a few days after you left. When you came back and Hannibal was arrested, I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to stick with me just because of the baby, so I just… Didn't. He was about a year old when I found out you got married. Alana is his godmother, she helped me so much. She and Margot. He's just a little younger than their son, Morgan, they're best friends. Henry's very smart. He's a joyful child. He's kind, caring to others. He reminds me of you all the time. He's my biggest accomplishment."

Will's face was blushed from crying, but he smiled through the tears, cleaning his face with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Mommy!" Henry called from the top of the stairs, crayons on his hands. "Can I show Hannibal the drawing?"

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I grimaced, feeling Will's gaze on me. He wasn't supposed to find out that way, I didn't even have the time to tell him slowly so I could try to explain what made no sense. 

"Ahn… Sure, honey. Sure. If you want. Now go to your room for a bit, okay? Mommy will see you in a minute, and then you can show me the drawing." I waited until he entered the room, hearing the door shut. I turned myself to Will.

"Did I hear it right? Hannibal?" Will raised his voice a little and I gestured him to keep his voice down. "Hannibal has seen the kid? You're taking him to see Hannibal?" 

"I know how it sounds, just let me explain…" I asked, noticing the change in his eyes. They were once again cold, but sharp. He was angry. 

"How do you explain this? Y/n? Have you lost your mind?"

"Yes! Yes, I fucking have! I lost my mind when you left, goddamnit!" I screamed, covering my mouth, hoping Henry would not come out of his bedroom. "Hannibal was the last link I had with you. So I sought comfort with the only one who would understand what was like to lose you. Because no one fucking did. Even Alana couldn't help me. So yes, I turned to Hannibal. Because he knows what's like to love you, to ache for you. And you don't get to judge me for that."

Will's eyes were wide, like he couldn't believe what I was saying. 

"Besides…" I sniffed, rubbing my face with my hands "Hannibal cares for him. I know it. And Henry just adores him, Will, you should see…"

"My God, listen to what you're saying, Y/n! Listen to yourself!" He grabbed my face with his hands a little roughly, making me hold his wrists. "He's a killer. He's a cold killer. Can't you see how dangerous it is?"

"Well, we're all fucking killers!" I pushed him away, breathing hard. "Or have you forgotten about it? The night we killed Randall Tier? You really think that wouldn't stain me? Or maybe you do, and that's why you married another woman, with all her purity, because you couldn't bear to see how much you and Hannibal have broken me!" 

He kept staring at me with that look in his eyes, the cold, sharp look that made me shiver. For a moment, I felt the danger of him trying to take my kid away. Would he even consider that? No. No one would take my child away from me. He was mine. 

"This was a bad idea, I should've never allowed you to come inside. Please, leave." I asked, pointing to the door.

He stayed put.

"Will, you better leave. Now. I'm warning you." I stepped away from him, but he pulled me closer, hugging me tightly. I hid my face in his chest, sobbing, hitting him weakly on the shoulders with my fists. "Just go, please. Just go."

"We'll figure it out. Everything will be fine." He kissed me for the last time, letting me go. I knew he would be back. He stared at me once more, and finally left, closing the door behind me. 

"Mommy, why are you crying?" I heard Henry's voice and turned to look at him coming down the stairs, kneeling to hug him. "Please mommy, don't cry!"

"It's okay, baby. Mommy is fine. Everything will be okay. How about a nice bath before we go see Hannibal, uh? Let's go."

"With bubbles?" He asked, clapping in joy. I smiled back to him, caressing his hair.

"With bubbles. Lots of bubbles." I kissed the top of his head and rushed him to the bathroom, an uneasy feeling pumping on my chest. I knew that wouldn't be the last time I saw Will. He would be back. Yes, he would. 

[saksukei]

wen junhui college au

other college aus; wonu minghao mingyu

you're damn right if you think that wen junhui is a theatre arts major because he iS and that too with humanistic studies as a minor aH and he's also on the rowing team,,, he started rowing as a joke and now he has one of the best times??? like. how.

and everybody knows he has too much energy and he uses it in the best way possible

like the plays? dude has a separate fanclub

you keep on seeing new tweets about “who’s the black haired guy in the play?” like wen junhui’s popularity is straight up no joke,, EVERYBODY KNOWS HIM

you on the other hand are an exercise physiology major with nutrition as a minor and you're also part of the rowing team,, and you have the best time for the women’s team,, which means,, you see junhui every other day,,

the coach pairs you guys often,, but there’s only one small issue,,,

YOU HATE WEN JUNHUI

he's such a pain in the ass,, he teases you every time he sees you,,, he always challenges your skills and makes you doubt yourself,, oh the amount of times you’ve wanted to deck him in the face,,

and today was the same as well

“you're not dead yet?” you hissed, as you saw jun approach you,,

“dont sound so disappointed, I might think you don't like me,” he retorted, a smug expression on his face, as he set his bag right beside yours.

“but I really don't like you,” you roll your eyes,,

jun chuckled, as he clapped his hands together, getting everyone's attention.

you guys were practicing indoors, on the rowing machine because there was some trouble with the equipment and the coach had to go get new stuff

which also meant he left jun in charge,, the teams assembled,, looking at junhui for directions,,

“alright everyone, warm up for ten and then start with a thousand metres,” he instructed. “and y/n, you're my partner.”

you rolled your eyes while everyone was whistling or smirking

it was no secret that you and jun didn't get along and he purposely tried to get on your nerves,,, heck everyone in the club said you two would fall in love at one point or another but you assured them by saying you'd rather choke

“your IQ is lower than room temperature junhui if you think that I want to train with you,” you hissed, as the two of you walked towards the machine.

“oh I'm sorry, I don't compare my intelligence quotient to someone who was deprived of oxygen when they were born,” he snapped, as he started warming up.

“you know what,” you spoke. “i'll just aggressively ignore your existence until you disappear.”

“maybe you should try doing it with that bird hair of yours, looks like worms will crawl out of it soon”

“why don't you look at your face first– ass clown?”

“why don't you look at your face first ass clown” he mimicked in a high pitched tone and all you wanted was to stab him there and then

“CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP WE'RE TRYING TO PRACTICE?” one of the team members yelled, causing you two to fall silent and warm up.

the next day,,, one of your best friends had begged you to go to her department because she had misplaced one of her things,, you only agreed on the basis that you'd be getting pizza

you were passing by the theatre to the class she told you to go to,, and you heard someone rehearsing their lines,, you went ahead to see who it was,,

of course it was jun with a script in his hands,,

and you don't know what it was,, but something just pulled you into the room,, maybe it was the way his words echoed of the walls,, the emotion in those alluring eyes of his,,

you actually sat down and listened to him instead of wanting to kill him,,, understanding what the hype was around him,,

like? you didn't even know this side of junhui existed??? excuse me? he was the biggest dick alive to you so you never really paid attention to anything nice that he did but this,,

you didn't even realize he had stopped until someone snapped you out of it

and you saw jun standing right in front of you

“well well well, it looks like I have a fan,” he smirked, folding his arms as he bent down to your level

“h-heck no,, I was just,,, looking for the um.....” you cursed your memory internally for forgetting.

“umm?” he teased,,

“shut up, I really was looking for something,” you snapped

“alright, alright” he surrenders,, raising his hands in defeat. “how was it though?” he asked.

“what?”

“the lines,, i'm sure you heard some of it.”

“they were um,,, good,” you reply,, shyly,, you've never been used to giving him compliments,,

jun nods as an awkward silence befalls the both of you,, you take it as a que to leave,, but then his voice stops you,,

“hey,, why don't you rehearse with me?” he suggested. “my actual partner is really busy and I need someone to rehearse with.”

“uh,, yeah sure?” you reply,,, as he hands you the script,,

jun started reciting his lines and you responded with the same enthusiasm

but the only thing that worried you was the last,, scene

in the script, it was written that jun's chracter would walk over to where you were, push your character against the wall and would try to initiate a kiss but your character would push him away

and so jun recited his last line, “i don't think I've ever tasted lips so fine, heck i'd taste them over and over again” he walked towards you, eventually pushing you against the wall

and your hEART WAS LIKE BADUMP!!

and his face was an inch from away from yours and you could feel his breath tickling your ear and you realized,,, how pretty wen junhui was,, how perfectly sculptured his face was,, those lips,, those cheekbones?? wait what??

and you were so mesmerized with how he acted on stage you didn't really realize you had to play a part as well

jun broke his stance, “you know you're supposed to push me away right?”

AND YOU BECAME RED

“y-yeah uh–but I–um remembered that I left the stove on!” you lied. “aND I DID SO BYE JUN!” you grabbed your bag and yEETED YOURSELF OUT OF THERE

and jun was confused but he ignored it and started rehearsing again

you on the other hand were trying to calm yourself like ???? It's just wen junhui? what the FUCK? Why is your heart racing so fast?? you were so confused? wHY? why is this happening

and the next time you saw him at training, oh dear god

“well if it isn't miss sunshine,” jun grinned.

“shut up jun, your existence makes me want to die,” you muttered,,, you felt your cheeks getting warm,,

“well, great, I think I'd be doing the world a favor.”

“jun if you're going to bother me one more time during practice I'm going to kick you so hard you will lose the ability to entertain a partner” you hissed, as you started warming up.

“nah,, you don't have the balls to do it,” he grinned, especially proud of the pun he used.

“you know what,,, I don't give a damn, so just leave me alone.”

“you give so many damns, they're visible from space,,,” he says,, his face is close to yours,, and you stop BREATHING

jun grins,, he thinks he has rendered you speechless,, as he goes up ahead to train with the boys,,

aND YOU FELT YOUR HEART WAS GOING TO JUST POP OUT OF YOUR CHEST

and now you were noticing all of these little things about him,, from his silly smile, to how he rolls his eyes, copies every small thing someone else does, to his goofy jokes, how his hair falls on his face, or just,,, him in general

all the while trying to keep your angry/annoyed facade so that he wouldn't pick up on it

but oh boy, it's wen junhui

and he notices every goddamn thing

including how much you've been staring at him especially in today's training session

he knew you were acting really weird since the rehearsal thingy but he was letting it slide because he thought you were upset or something and he didn't want to get on your nerves more

regardless, you decided to ignore jun from today onwards,, to stop feeling whatever you were feeling,,

and every thing was going great

you barely talked to him in rowing practice, you didn't attend the plays or even go anywhere near him

and jun,,,, he stopped annoying you as well

for two months

the whole damn university noticed but nobody dared to say anything ,,,,, in fear that you guys won't talk again

you were casually walking to the cafeteria and you heard something that just ,,,,, made your heart stop

“did you hear that jun got injured really badly? He was practicing in the theatre and this glass fell on his foot,,”

aND YOU DID A FULL 180 AND RAN AS FAST AS YOU COULD TO WHERE HE WAS

you had no idea why you suddenly cared so much like sure yeah, it was bad he got hurt but you were running so fast you felt your heart would pop out of your chest

the nurse eventually led you to where he was

and you saw his leg covered in bandages???

and your heart just broke

“hey what are you doing here?” jun asked. “i haven't seen you in like,,, two months?”

“jun I'm sorry–” you felt tears slide down your face. “i'm sorry I ignored you every time you tried to make a conversation with me or whatever I just,,, I had all these feelings that I couldn't figure out and I got scared–”

“hey hey hey, it's okay,” he cooed, as he opened his arms wide, only for them to wrap around you, as you cried in his chest. “no harm done, I promise.”

“no but jun– I was really inconsiderate and I just kept on feeling like I was missing something but I couldn't figure out what it was,” you cried out. “i felt ignoring you would be a solution but I just, I don't know?”

“hey, okay listen to me– what happened in these past two months happened–” he wiped the tears from your face. “but I hope you understand that the only reason I used to bother you a lot was because,, well,,, I really geniunely like you.”

“l-like me?” you stuttered.

“why do you think I annoy the crap out of you?”

“because you're an idiot, you like doing stuff like this,” you answered.

“but you're the only one I annoy?”

“okay that part I missed,” you give him a weak smile,, jun chuckles,, ruffling your hair,,

“in all seriousness though, I hated these two months. I felt like you were upset or something and I didn't want to risk hurting you even more so I stopped talking altogether because I thought you'd talk to me if I did,,” he admitted.

“its my fault this happened in the first place,” you responded. “and I now realize how stupid I am.”

“you're not stupid, you're just an ass clown,” he joked, a playful smile on his face.

“but i'm still sorry, junhui,” you sighed. “i really didn't want this to happen.”

“hey, it's okay– we both were right in our own places.”

“so um now what do we do?” you asked.

“well it depends,” he answered. “does someone want a cute, charming, handsome and brilliant boyfriend?” he grinned.

“only if he wants an amazing, beautiful, smart and talented girlfriend,” you answered.

“oh he sure as hell does,” jun grinned.

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Alright, so- Inspired by my awesome friend @undertheknightwing who created this AMAZING list of Dad!Dick Grayson headcanons (go check it out!!!) I decided to write down the mess I have in my own head into this giant ball of fluff, humor and angst.

So let me present you:

The Graysonfam List of Headcanons and Analysis

It's a looong ass list of my headcanons, mixed with an analysis of some scenes, looking into the motives and behavior of the characters. It's in more or less chronological order and divides into groups: season 1 (+2x01), the time jump, season 2, season 3 hopes/predictions and future. If you want me to turn any of these into fics or you feel like you could do something with it, just let me know. And now... ENJOY!

SEASON 1:

The first time Dick thinks of Gar and Rachel as his kids happens during the events of 1x08 and 1x10. It's pure instinct and it doesn't come to him until much later when he realizes that not only he thought of them this way but he actually meant it.

When he and Donna start translating Kory's notes and it becomes clear that Rachel might still be in trouble, he's immediately on his feet, asking Donna for the keys to her car and ordering her to take the books with her, so they could continue on the way. He's acting fast, ignoring Donna's questions because there's no time for explanation, my daughter is in danger. He almost says it out loud - almost. 

When Donna tells him the danger clearly comes from Kory, he wants to deny it. Kory adores these kids just as much as he does, she would never hurt them. But he puts his feet on the gas anyway, breaking every speed limit possible, because if one hair falls from Gar's and Rachel's heads, he will burn the world to find the person responsible, even if it's Kory (especially if it's Kory)

When they get there the first thing he sees is Gar being thrown in the air, and his mind short circuits to only one thing: Gar, my boy, my son. Is he okay? Thankfully Donna takes care of the rest so he's free to take care of the boy. He pulls him up, holding him tight by the shoulders and makes sure he's okay, but the words 'my son' are still circling his mind.

Speaking of Donna - when Dick starts telling her about Rachel the first time, she wants to cry from happiness. Over these past five years all she saw in Dick's eyes was pain and suffering. A storm of bottled up emotions, raging monsters of anger ready to get out. His body looked weighed down, as if he was Atlas holding the world on his shoulders. And now he's talking about this little girl who threw a brick at a cop car in Detroit and his eyes start to shine as if they were stars in the night sky. His smile grows when he brags about how smart and witty she is, how she's more intelligent than she gives herself credit for, how similar the two of them are. He talks about her bravery and her big heart and he sounds so damn proud Donna's heart is about to burst out of her chest. "I thought I couldn't do it." he tells her. "I fucked up so many times. But she had awakened something in me. I just can't describe it." She can but she doesn't say it - he needs to get to it on his own. (Over a year later, when the girl who turned her brother's world upside down tries to guide her back to the light through the darkness of afterlife, Donna finally says "I always knew he'd be a great father someday. You have no idea how much he loves you." "He told you that?" Rachel asks quietly, trying to hold back her tears. Donna looks at her and smiles. "He didn't have to. I saw it in his eyes.")

Then Dick gets to the part about finding Rachel's mother and suddenly something changes. He's trying to seem like he's happy for her, he says he's glad everything ended well and now Rachel can start a new life but Donna sees right through his facade. He thinks he can't be a part of this new life and it's killing him.

Which brings me to something very important I've noticed a long time ago - Angela's presence makes Dick hold himself back. That's why he decided to leave - Rachel had her mother back, a guardian who could take care of her from now on so he wasn't needed anymore. His job was done. But at this point he's already too attached to just leave like that and when he learns that danger isn't over he comes back immediately. But when he gets there he's met with a wall. Angela is very territorial (we all know why but Dick didn't know that) and Rachel is too overwhelmed by everything but let's be real - if Angela wasn't there Dick would be hovering over Rachel like crazy. But he doesn't. Why? Because he thinks it's not his place to do so. It's easier to go after Kory than to just be standing there awkwardly, wanting to help and comfort but not being able to.

He remembers everything Trigon put him through - every fucking detail. There is some stuff from the vision he wants to laugh at - Him and Dawn? Married? Maybe once upon a time he entertained that thought but he abandoned it long ago. There are things he's actually grateful for - seeing Gar and Rachel as they could be in the future, grown up, in college, happy. That's the one thing he doesn't want to forget. And Johnny - he doesn't want to forget Johnny either. 

His mind was sort of awake, in two places at once, even though he didn't have any control over his body. He remembers chasing the kids around the house, Gar screaming "Real life horror movie!" as he and Rachel tried to run away from him. He remembers Rachel pleading with him when the others were beating the poor boy. He wanted to respond, wanted to let her know he can hear her but he couldn't do anything. He watched helplessly as his own hand pulled Gar up and finished what others started. He screamed and shouted but it was in vain. And then he cried and howled like a wolf watching as Trigon ripped Rachel's heart from her chest and crushed it in his hand, then placed the red gemstone in her forehead. He remembers her dark eyes and evil smirk. He remembers thinking it was over, feeling heartbroken and defeated. He gave up, let the darkness swallow him whole. He didn't want to see more, it was easier locking himself up in this vision because he knew Bruce laying dead in rubble wasn't real. And then she came to him. Back straight and head held high, piercing blue eyes locked on him. He remembers his tone when he spoke to her, taunting and dangerous but it didn't scare her. "We're supposed to save each other" she told him and he wanted to cry but Trigon had him wrap his fingers around her throat and choke her - another thing he would never do. He would never lay a damn finger on her and Trigon was well aware of that. But Rachel knew that too. And she wasn't scared. 

He remembers the circus she brought him into. Empty stage, broken chairs scattered everywhere. He never wanted to come back here. And even though his body stood there motionless he was trashing inside, wanting to get out of here but more importantly wanting to get her out of here. Seeing Rachel on that platform, ready to jump, it was too much. He couldn't lose her, like he lost his parents. He didn't catch them but he sure as hell was going to catch her. So when she fell - he snapped. Got the control back, his muscles acted on memory and he jumped. He flew like he used to and wrapped his fingers around her wrists, holding her tight. He caught her. He would always catch her.

When they wake up all he wants to do is hold her. Relief almost sends him to his knees. But then Gar walks in, all bloody and bruised and all that relief turns into freezing agony and guilt. I did this, he thinks. It's my fault. But there is no time for apologies or explanation, Trigon is still there. Letting Rachel go deal with him on her own is hard but Dick knows she could do it - and she did. Seeing her walking out of that fog is one of the most beautiful views he saw in his life. And when he finally takes her into his arms he doesn't let go until Kory basically rips her out of his embrace.

He wants Kory to go with them. Kids need her. His idea of giving Gar and Rachel a new life included her. Included both of them, taking care of the kids together. Things between them are tangled and complicated but one thing that is neither of those things is their attachment to these two. But Kory just got her memories back, she has her own issues to deal with, she needs time and space - and he respects that, so do Gar and Rachel. But Dick would be lying if he said he didn't notice their disappointment.

The first day of their roadtrip across the country is quiet - mostly because they are all so goddamn tired. Dick pulls up to a motel before dark, deciding that the more sleep they get the better. They pick two rooms next to each other, Jason and Gar in one, he and Rachel in the other. Rachel immediately vanishes in the bathroom, so Dick has time to sit down and think (as if he wasn't doing it the entire day while driving). An idea is shaping in his head, memories of a beloved city in sunny California come to the surface of his mind and he knows this is where he wants to take the kids. But he has to make a stop at Gotham first, he needs to talk to Bruce and most importantly return Jason home. Rachel walks out of the bathroom in fresh clothes Donna left for her and crawls into bed without a word. He takes his time to tuck her in, then sits down on the edge of her bed. She's beyond exhausted, but she's safe, she's with him, everything will be alright. He will never let anyone take her away from him again. And when he's watching her fall asleep, holding her hand in his, three words come to his mind, words he's not ready to say aloud yet but he knows them to be true. I love you.

THE TIME JUMP:

Physical affection is something I think the show is pretty good at showing but I still crave to see more. It's clear that Dick struggles to be affectionate, whether that be through words or touch. And he doesn't even realize he's actually very good at it. Why? Because whenever he does it, he's acting on instinct. The biggest proof? All his hugs with Rachel in s1. Boy had no idea what to do, it was written on his face, but his arms went up nonetheless. He didn't freeze, he didn't push her away, but reacted accordingly. The hugs in 1x02 and 1x04 are the only ones he initiated on his own, but he still wasn't sure if he's doing it right. As the show went on he slowly eased into it, but was still taken by surprise when it happened (1x08, the first hug in 2x01). By the end of 2x01 he seems to be pretty comfortable with it but I think it's during the time jump when he really starts to understand the importance and power of physical affection and how these kids really need it. The pat he gave Gar on the shoulder in 2x03 or their hug in 2x09 felt really natural, same as the goodbye hug with Rachel in 2x13. All three of them got comfortable with each other during those first three months in SF. Which leads me to…

Cuddle sessions. Yes, this is definitely a thing at Titans Tower (*cough*Grayson*cough*household*cough). It starts that first night when Dick, Rachel, Gar and Jason gather on the couch to watch a movie. Rachel lays down and rests her head on Dick's thigh while Gar settles comfortably on his other side. Dick has no idea when it happened but he freezes for a moment when he realizes his hand is on Rachel's head, fingers carding through her hair. The girl seems to be asleep already but stirs when he stops and asks him to continue, so he does. Soon after that Gar's head lands on his shoulder as the boy starts nodding off. The sudden contact wakes him up and he pulls away awkwardly, apologizing but Dick tells him it's okay so Gar leans back against him. The feeling of having the two of them so close brings a sense of calm to Dick and soon he falls asleep as well. He wakes up in the morning with the two teenagers basically laying on top of him and Jason standing over them with a smirk and a phone in his hand.

After that it sort of becomes a thing and not just during movies. Whenever Dick sits down on the couch, whether to work or to simply relax, Gar or Rachel (or both) would find him and snuggle to him, at first hesitantly, but with more confidence as the time passes and they get comfortable with it. After three months of living together all Dick has to do is pat the spot next to him for them to jump on the couch and cuddle up, tho Rachel is the one who does it most often and with no hesitation.

Dick very quickly starts understanding how important it is for them so he starts returning the favor. A good job pat on the shoulder during training, a kiss dropped on the top of the head during breakfast, a comforting shoulder rub when they aren't feeling well, emotionally or physically. Gar loves when Dick ruffles his hair, he even leans into it sometimes, while Rachel's favorite things are forehead kisses and tucking her hair behind her ear (but neither of them would ever say that out loud)

Words are as important as gestures, which brings us to affectionate pet names. It feels normal and almost ordinary when it comes from a woman - Rachel has been called 'honey' by Melisa and 'sweetheart' by Dawn but she wasn't phased by it. But when Dick calls her 'honey' for the first time, she nearly drops her coffee mug. It comes out so naturally and he doesn't even realize he said it, but it takes her breath away and she needs a moment to collect herself. With Gar it's usually 'Bud', 'Buddy', or 'Tiger Boy' spoken affectionately and he's always beaming with happiness when he hears Dick saying that.

One night, shortly after Trigon, Rachel slips into his bedroom in the middle of the night, saying she can't sleep. The memories are too vivid, too real. Her lips are trembling and she looks like she's about to fall apart and that's all it takes for Dick to sit up, open his arms for her and with full awareness and conviction say "come here, baby girl". She falls asleep snuggled to his bare chest and Dick feels his throat getting dangerously tight. He'd seen many times, mostly on TV, images of parents holding their babies to their bare skin - something about creating a bond through skin-to-skin contact. He was never able to wrap his head around this concept, but now, as he feels Rachel's cheek pressed to his heart, her hand closed in his resting on his stomach, the understanding hits him like a speeding train, pushing a tear or two out of his eyes. It's something indescribable, feels profound and almost sacred. The love he feels in this moment is overwhelming.

Gar has nightmares too, he usually wakes up screaming. It scares Dick at first, how he reacts, because the boy pulls away, wide eyed and shaking, and doesn't want to be touched. Guilt overwhelms Dick because he's sure it's because of him, because of what he did to Gar while being under Trigon's control. He tries to apologize and Gar accepts it but explains to him that his nightmares are not Dick's fault and they are not even about that (Dick can feel the boy is lying for both of their sakes but lets him anyway). It takes a few tries and lots of pleading and building trust but one night Gar finally falls into Dick's arms, sobbing into his shoulder. He pulls the boy close, runs his fingers through his hair just like Gar likes it and whispers "it's okay, my little boy." over and over again until Gar's body goes limp in his hold and he can put him back to sleep. Neither of them mentions it in the morning, but Gar gives him a look full of gratitude, filling his heart with warmth.

One evening during their first week in SF they organise a 'bonding night' - Gar's idea. There's take out and board games and staying up all night, talking. At some point one of them suggests sharing any hidden talents (besides superpowers of course) and details no one knows about them. Jason admits to being a theatre nerd ("it's thespian you idiots!") and proves it by flawlessly rapping verses from Hamilton. Gar thanks to travelling with his parents can fluently speak few African languages, he also shares that during his time at the Doom Manor Rita taught him the basics of playing piano. When it's Dick's turn he gets up from the couch and vanishes for a few minutes, but eventually comes back with a guitar, saying he had learned to play during his circus days, but hadn't done it in a while so he might be a little rusty. He plays a few cords, trying to spark his memory and when the notes finally come to him, a beautiful melody fills the room (I always imagine it's Viva la Vida by Coldplay). And suddenly this melody is joined by an angelic voice - Rachel closes her eyes and starts singing quietly, recognizing the song. She only opens her eyes when she's finished and finds the three of them looking at her in absolute awe, Dick's eyes seem to be a bit watery. She gets a bit embarrassed and says it's nothing but they start cheering and clapping anyway. Gar asks her where did she learn to sing like that and she admits she used to sing in a church choir when she was little, but had to quit after her powers started showing. The night ends with a little jam session and lots of laughing.

Gar and Rachel grew up on golden era of Disney Channel shows (Jason knows them too but he'd rather be tortured than ever admit that) and once the news is out Dick is forced to sit through the entire run of Wizards of Waverly Place. But watching Rachel flawlessly impersonate the main character Alex, knowing every line word for word makes him grin like a madman and laugh so hard his stomach hurts and tears roll down his cheeks. He pulls her to him and she falls on him in a fit of uncontrollable giggles while Gar and Jason give her a standing ovation.

SEASON 2:

While hanging out together is important, Dick also makes sure he gets to spend some time with each of them separately. With Jason it's mostly through training - the boy isn't very keen on spending one-on-one quality time outside of the gym, but prides himself to be Dick's right hand man during lessons, having more experience over the other two. With Gar it's video games most of the time - Dick learned to play specifically for him and actually started paying attention to gaming lore. But it's not just that - Gar has a talent to anything tied to technology so they spend a lot of time together in the tech room where the boy learns to operate the Tower system. It brings both of them a lot of joy. Rachel, as the only girl in their little family, often needs some time away from the boys, so Dick takes her on walks in the mornings or a drive around the city, shows her his favorite coffee shop which soon becomes their favorite spot. They talk about everything and nothing, because conversations were the thing that brought them so close in the first place, and it just feels good. 

Rachel also loves spending time with him in the tech room - but not like Gar, she's not learning to run it (although she picked up a thing or two) but she's simply there to keep Dick company while he works (can he even call that work if he hasn't been officially working as a detective for quite a while now? Not to mention his resignation has been sent to Detroit the day they arrived in SF). She brings him coffee or snacks, stands behind his chair with her arms around his neck, observing whatever he's doing (and asking lots of questions) or simply sits in the other swiveling chair, drawing in her sketchbook or turning around so many times Dick starts to worry she's gonna get dizzy. He asks her one time if she's not bored sitting here with him but she just shrugs and says she'd rather be here than anywhere else and his heart grows tenfold as he smiles at her

So remember how Rachel lost control and attacked Jason in 2x03? And how Jason shouted "Stay away from me you fucking freak!" right in her face? And how Dick walks in like 3 seconds later asking if everything's okay and the tension is HIGH??? Well, he might have not seen what happened, but he definitely HEARD the full thing, he was within the hearing range. The fact that he didn't attack Jason immediately is really impressive, if this was s1!Dick - Jason would be on the floor right now, probably with a swollen eye and few broken bones. But here Dick is trying to play it smart and investigate. If it wasn't for dr Light he would probably get to the bottom of this and had a conversation with both Jason and Rachel. I'm thinking of writing a one-shot AU where he actually does it (mostly thanks to Gar who is a terrible liar when caught of guard)

When the last cab drives away and the Tower becomes empty, save for him, Gar and that boy in the infirmary, Dick does not leave to meet with Adeline immediately - he goes to Rachel's room and starts scrubbing it clean from all the crosses painted all over the place. His eyes are burning, the bile in his throat is the size of a tennis ball but he doesn't allow himself to cry. At some point Gar joins him and wordlessly starts helping him. It takes them a little over an hour and when it's done they both drop down on her bed, sitting shoulder to shoulder. "She'll be back." Gar tells him. "I'm not so sure." Dick replies, not looking at the boy. Gar puts a hand on his shoulder. "She will. You just wanted to protect us. Deep down she knows that, she's just angry." Dick knows Gar's reasoning is valid, but looking at his own reflection in the broken mirror he can't help but think that in the long run Rachel will be better off without him. They will all be better off without him.

It's not until his first night in prison that Dick starts to regret his decision to cast himself away. He wakes up in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes, his mind still reeling from dreams of Gar and Rachel seven years in the future. They were adults, happy and independent - that's good, right? That's what he always wanted for them. But his tears start to fall when it comes to him, hitting him like a wrecking ball, that spending 7 years behind bars means he won't be able to see them grow up. Something like a panic attack comes next and he is barely able to pull himself out of it. He's suddenly overwhelmed by questions. My kids… will they be okay? Is Kory back at the Tower or is Gar still alone? What is he gonna do when that strange boy wakes up? Was there any food in the fridge when I left? I left Gar some money, but still… God, and Rachel! She has never been on a plane before, what if she gets scared and her powers start acting out? What if she gets night terrors again? Will Donna know what to do? His head is spinning, these thoughts are suffocating him. Only a breathing exercise Bruce had taught him years ago is able to help, but it takes longer than usual. Dick doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.

He's not sure how but when Dick sees a bird in a window of his cell, he knows it's no ordinary bird. It's a raven. It's her. He gets up on his feet despite his knees being weak and wobbly and he smiles, grins like an idiot as he calls out to her. Because it has to be her, right? But all hope leaves him when the creature flies up again with a croak and disappears from his sight, leaving him alone. Dick drops to his knees, feeling more exhausted than ever and curls on the floor, his body shaking from shivers. No one is coming. He brought it on himself. He is forgotten already. But then he hears quiet tapping and something nudges his hand. He opens one eye only to look right into a ruby red one. The bird is here, inside, right in front of his face. It flaps its wings and its feathers turns into dark smoke for a moment. "Rachel…" He breathes out, holding to his last shreds of consciousness. The raven lowers its head, snuggling it to his forehead and before Dick passes out again he hears three words said by this quiet, angelic voice he loves so much: Don't give up.

When they bring Donna back to the Tower and lay her down in the infirmary Dick feels empty and overflowed at the same time. He goes to strip off his new suit and change into something more comfortable but it's a struggle when his hands are shaking so much. He goes back to infirmary and passes by Dawn in the doorway, who walks out of the room with Donna's Wonder Girl belt in hand, not even lifting her eyes up at him. He closes the door and sits down, taking Donna's hand in his but he is able to sit there for only ten minutes before the feeling of her hand growing cold in his makes him want to run away. He makes his way back to his room but takes a step back when he notices two colorful heads in the training room. Gar and Rachel are sitting on one of the benches with their backs to him, talking quietly. Gar is hunched over and Rachel has her arm around him and her head on his shoulder. The sight makes Dick's throat tight. He walks up to them quietly and they only notice him when he's standing in front of them. They simultaneously lift their heads up, showing him their red, swollen from crying eyes and his heart can't take it anymore. He falls to his knees in front of them. "I'm here." he whispers as he takes their hands in his. "I'm right here." he whispers again and his voice breaks. Suddenly two sets of arms are wrapped around him when both Gar and Rachel throw themselves at him, sobbing into his shoulders. He holds them tight, kisses their heads and lets his own tears fall into their hair as he keeps promising them he is not leaving them ever again. 

SEASON 3 HOPES/PREDICTIONS:

First few weeks without Donna and Rachel are absolute torture. Grief is normal, he's been through it before, it's nothing new (maybe more painful and guilt-ridden than he ever experienced). But not having Rachel around and how it impacts him on day-to-day basis after spending every day with her for the past few months is something totally new and unexpected and Dick is pretty sure he's never felt like this before. He's overprotective to the point of being overbearing and Gar points that out to him numerous times. He keeps making her breakfast, forgetting she's not gonna show up in the kitchen when the clock strikes 9 am. He keeps looking into her room like he's expecting to find her there. He constantly checks his phone as if she were able to call from Themyscira, where there's no signal, let alone phones. "Is it what sending your kid out to college feels like?" Hank asks him one evening and Dick almost chokes on his beer. Gar laughs so hard he falls off his chair. 

Rachel does everything she can to not cry in front of Dick when they say goodbye to each other but the moment the plane is in the air, she breaks. It was one of the hardest decisions she ever had to make and seeing Dick so broken definitely didn't help. But she has to at least try to bring Donna back, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself otherwise. So she gets herself together and keeps telling herself to be brave. For Dick. For Donna. For her family.

Gar becomes the center of family's attention and he can't say he doesn't love it. That spot always belonged to Rachel after all, but he was never jealous, nor he resented her for that. She totally deserved it and she can take the spot back when she returns (but he's never gonna let her get away with not saying goodbye to him). He's the 'A-Student' now during training, Dick is putting some extra work to make sure he learns as much as he can. Kory helps him a lot with the trauma CADMUS gave him and works with him on the development of his powers. He tries turning into other animals and after a month of struggling he finally turns into a mouse. Kory walks with him sitting on his shoulder around the whole Tower like the proudest mama in the galaxy and Dick's beaming with pride for the entire week. 

After Dick's off-hand comment that Rachel is missing on so much Gar starts to record vlogs on his phone about what's happening at the Titans Tower so Rachel can watch it and catch up when she's back. The material he gets is pure gold and even when others beg him to delete it, he refuses saying this is too good to be destroyed. 

The day before Rachel's first attempt at resurrection she uses a freshly learned trick to come to Dick in his dream. They meet on the beach she's currently on, meditating. Seeing him for the first time in three months makes her want to cry but she promised herself to be strong so he wouldn't worry and she holds her tears at bay. She falls into his arms with the brightest smile and burrows her face in his chest. He's holding her tight, asking if everything is okay and she nods, not quite trusting her voice at the moment. "I can't keep you here for long, but I needed to see you." she tells him. She's not sharing any details about her plan, the less he knows the better, but he begs her to be careful and stop if it turns out to be too much for her. Dick pulls her to him one last time before she has to serve the connection and presses his lips to her forehead. "I love you." he whispers and she closes her eyes, hugging him tighter. "Come home soon." "I love you, too. And I will."

To find Donna's soul Rachel needs to go to The Underworld, which is a dark, scary place (well, for the most part). The search is difficult and the journey ahead of her is long. On her way she meets other people, souls who sometimes want to help her, sometimes otherwise. She sees Adamson and all the people who were after her, drowning in a river of fire, calling for help. One hand grabs her by the ankle and Rachel looks down right into the hollow eyes of her birth mother. She struggles to set herself free from Angela's hold but eventually the creepy hand lets go of her and Rachel runs away. Not all the meetings are painful though. She gets to see Melisa again - she tells her about Dick and Gar and Kory and everything that happened. "I found him, mom. I found the boy from the circus." she says and they both start to cry. Melisa tells her how proud she is and lets her continue her journey. But the most surprising meeting happens right before the end. Rachel knows their faces only from her dream and the blurry videos she found online. But the resemblance to Dick is undeniable - he has his mother's eyes, his father's hair. Mary Grayson takes her into her arms with tears in her eyes, saying how happy she is to finally meet her. They chat for a while, laugh and cry together like they've known each other their whole lives. "He's so lucky to have you." John tells her. "Tell him we're proud of him." Mary asks her when she is about to leave. "And come back to him in one piece." Rachel nods, holding back tears. "I will, I promise." 

When Rachel arrives at Wayne Manor it's already dark outside. A black car pulls in the driveway. Dick, Kory and Gar are waiting by the main entrance and when the car stops they approach it and Dick opens the door. Rachel is sleeping in the backseat with her head falling on her shoulder and the view is so beautiful and adorable that Dick stops for a moment to just look at her with a dreamy smile on his face. He lifts his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and leans in whispering "welcome back, sweetheart". She smiles without opening her eyes and instantly lifts her arms to wrap them around his neck. They both laugh as he pulls her out the car. She steps away from him for a moment to hug Gar and Kory but sticks herself back to his side immediately after. Gar takes her bag and the car drives away while the 4 of them head towards the door.

She failed (or at least she thinks she failed) and that first night back she cries her eyes out into Dick's chest, apologizing over and over again. "It's okay, honey." he tells her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Remember what I told you back at the airport? No matter how strong we are, we-" "We can't always change the world." she finishes for him and smiles through her tears. "I know. I've had those words in the back of my head every day." They lay in silence for the next few minutes, Dick's hand slowly stroking Rachel's hair. She hesitates a bit but then starts telling him about meeting his parents. He smiles at her through tears. "I'm so proud of you." he whispers. "You've grown so much. You're so strong. Going away was a good decision, it gave you skills and experience you wouldn't have gotten here. But now I'm just glad I have you back. I was worried sick." Rachel smiles into his chest. "I'm not going anywhere again."

As happy as Dick is to have her back, some part of him wishes Rachel stayed longer on Themyscira. Everything that's happening in Gotham is making him consider sending her and Gar away to some place safe and hidden, The Justice League has a lot of those. But his kids are Titans - they both remind him of that. "You didn't train us to hide." she tells him. "We can handle this." Gar adds. And Dick believes them. And he's so proud his heart can barely take it.

Donna's return comes as a shock to everyone - Hank brings her to the Wayne Manor one day, saying they bumped into each other at some restaurant in the city. "How-" Rachel asks with eyes opened wide in disbelief. Donna smiles at her. "I don't know. I got lost, but… I found my way back somehow." Dick slowly walks up to her, his eyes welling up with tears. "But the spell-" "It worked." Donna explains. "It just needed more time." After that he sweeps her into his arms and extends his hand to Rachel to pull her in as well. He holds them both as close as he can, kissing their heads and swears to himself to never lose either of them again.

FUTURE:

Thoughts about adoption appear in Dick's mind more or less when he brings Gar and Rachel to San Francisco, but they are more of an abstract dream than something that could be real. But as the time goes on those thoughts become more and more solidified and are too big to be ignored. He finally decides to talk to someone about it and that someone is Dawn, mostly because they've had this kind of conversation before. "It's a big responsibility - taking her in. But taking care of a kid is complicated, you know that better than anyone." These words stay with him every day, that's why he goes to her. He struggles to say what he wants to say but she understands and hugs him with tears in her eyes saying she knew he'd do it sooner or later and that she couldn't be happier for him. She helps him with paperwork and prepares him for meetings. He breaks the news to the kids the moment everything is ready. They're suspicious of the 'gifts' he hands them since it's neither's birthday today and there's no holiday. They share a curious glance as they rip off the shiny gift paper to reveal two folders of documents (while Dick almost dies from anticipation and nerves). Gar is the first one to react - his lips slowly stretch into the biggest grin imaginable. "For real? Are you serious? This is real stuff?" his voice grows louder and more excited with each following question and Dick can't help but laugh. Rachel stays quiet though. She stares at the papers in her hands with her brows furrowed. Seconds pass and she's not moving. It's like she's not even breathing. "Rachel?" Kory asks quietly, taking a step her way. And then the floodgates open. Rachel's face twists into a grimace as she starts sobbing uncontrollably. She covers her mouth with her hand to muffle it but there's no use. Dick walks up to her, terrified he did something wrong but then she throws herself into his arms, repeating "thank you" and "I love you" over and over again. Dick pulls Gar to him as well and hugs them both. "You're my kids." He whispers to them. "I love you more than anything in the world. And nothing will ever change that." By the time of Rachel's 16th birthday she and Gar are officially Graysons.

Dick and Kory get married the following year. It's a glamorous but small ceremony with reception held at the Wayne Manor. For the months leading to the big day the kids (with the help of the entire team and few other people) prepare something very special - and the idea comes from Uncle Clay. Turns out Clay, as the closest friend of Dick's parents, owns a small storage unit where he keeps some of the stuff from the circus, including personal things - like a box of journals of Mary Grayson, who had been writing them since she was a child. Clay tells Gar and Rachel a story about how Mary used to write poetry which then she turned into songs and sometimes performed them at the circus. He even still has some of her stage outfits. The three of them get the idea that Gar and Rachel should look through tapes with her performances and pick one song to sing together at the wedding - and that's what they do. They find a beautiful ballad where Clay accompanied Mary on the piano (he teaches Gar how to play it) and in secret the team prepares the whole show. The performance happens during the Bride and Groom's first dance. Gar enters the stage in a tuxedo, says a few words and starts playing. Dick and Kory start dancing slowly but stop for a moment when he starts singing the first verse. They have no idea what's coming next. Rachel, in Mary's dress stands in the crowd surrounding the couple. Hank comes to stand behind her and secretly puts a microphone in her hand. She comes in for the second verse of the song and that's when Dick and Kory stop dancing completely, too surprised to move. They watch in absolute awe as Rachel joins her brother on stage and they finish the song together. When Dick realizes he actually remembers this song from his childhood and that the dress Rachel is wearing belonged to his mother he breaks down in tears. After the song is over the kids join their parents on the dancefloor for a bone-crushing group hug (and to help you imagine this even better this is the song I imagine them singing)

The day Rachel and Gar get their college acceptance letters is one of the most stressful days in their lives. They're in the Tower's kitchen, both holding the envelopes in their hands, afraid to open them. "What are you guys waiting for? Open it!" Kory encourages them. They agree to do it on three. Dick holds his breath, gripping tight his wife's hand. The kids read the letters, fully focused. There's a stretching moment of silence, and then… "I got in!" "Me too!" A lot of screaming and laughing and jumping around happens afterwards, but even in the chaos of all of that Dick can feel a burning knot tightening in his stomach.

And I thought sending Rachel to Themyscira was hard, Dick thinks when they drop Gar and Rachel off at college on their first day. Thankfully it's the same college, but it's in Chicago and it's still half a country away from home. He's not sure how many times he checked already if they have everything they need, if they haven't forgotten to pack something, if they are absolutely sure they know their schedule and so on. Kory, standing next to him with her hands on her growing belly, laughs at him fussing over them. Gar and Rachel just smile and nod, seeing how stressed he is. Yes, Dad, we're sure we have everything. Yes, we checked. Of course we'll call. Yes, Dad. Okay, Dad - and so on. At some point they all start laughing at the ridiculousness of it all but suddenly Dick is getting choked up. His two little birds are leaving the nest and he should be handling it better than he does. Seeing him clearlyon the edge of falling apart Gar and Rachel give him a tight hug. "I'm sorry." he says. "I'm just trying to let you go a little. Let you grow up." "It's that hard?" Rachel asks him and he looks at her - tall, beautiful, confident, brave and smart. Perfect. But he also still sees that little kid he met in Detroit. "It can't be that hard." Gar adds and for a moment when Dick looks at him he thinks he's seeing double - the young, handsome and courageous man who is standing in front of him now and that overexcited cheerful kid who joined them on their little road trip. "It's impossible." Dick tells them, pulling them back into another hug. "It's fucking impossible." Soon they have to go or they will be late for their classes and Dick and Kory are left alone on the campus. "They'll be okay." his wife tells him. He has to swallow down a bile in his throat and push back some tears before answering. "I know."

Oh and remember Dick's old silver Porsche? The one he traded for a minivan? Yeah, he got it back (don't ask him how). Rachel owns it now. Graduation present. And don't worry about Gar, he's got his car too. Grandpa Bruce got him his dream ride.

Woah... This turned out WAAAAAAAAAY longer than I thought it would be. If you made it this far (and even if you didn't) I hope you enjoyed.

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 6, Ch. 10

PART 6: THE YEAR WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS INTO PLACE Chapter 10 - This is How I Feel

Charlie

It felt like someone stopped time. I was watching her come down the stairs and to say that I was awestruck was an understatement. Since Andre did such a great job fixing my robes I prepared myself to act as normal as possible as I could imagine he made a nice dress for her. I was not, however, prepared for what I was seeing.

Ever since I started falling for Nova and I knew it wasn't just a crush, I found her so beautiful that words can't even describe. She looked even more gorgeous today and there was something about her; she looked as if she was shining.

“Wow, you look...” I couldn't hide the expression on my face. I was stunned and at this point, I didn't even care if it shows how much I like her. If I questioned my decision to tell her tonight, I knew I have to do it now. I simply have to be with her. “Gorgeous...pretty...ravishing...” Tonks shook me out of my fantasy. “Just some suggestions for you, Dragon Boy!” She winked at me and let Barnaby take her inside. Nova chuckled and my stomach turned. “Penny, you look divine!” Andre kissed her on the lips and Nova couldn't help but grin when she saw her blush. Jae and Tulip were already making out behind us. I was so focused on Nova that I didn't even see them say hi to each other. Apparently, Jae liked to show physically how good Tulip looks to him tonight. I smiled and shook my head. I offered Nova my hand, trying hard to keep it steady as my whole body was shaking and she locked our arms. “I can say, without a doubt, that you are going to be the most beautiful girl in the room.” I smiled at her. I knew it was the first time she saw me smile like that as I was suppressing it before not to be too obvious I liked her. I could see I left her speechless and I was confident that at this point, she knew I liked her more than a friend.

Nova

I smiled at Charlie, hearing those words. I knew he thought every single one of them through. I was trying to act as normal as possible but I wasn't sure how long I would be able to keep this up. He looked so good! I can't believe how much he grew from the boy that I call my best friend into a young, attractive, and very charismatic man and if he doesn't say anything to me tonight, I will. I knew I would regret it otherwise.

We went inside and joined our friends at the table. Tulip and Jae were still making out outside and at this point, I wasn't even sure they were going to attend the Ball. Dumbledore made us all sit and he started to speak.

“Welcome, to this year's Spring Ball. Although supervised, you don't have a curfew tonight as we want you to have fun and unwind. This is the time to enjoy with your friends and perhaps admit any hidden feelings you might have.” Charlie and I exchanged looks. It took every muscle in my body not to stand up and take him out and tell him how I feel. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it would jump out of my chest onto the table in front of me.

“Eat. Drink. Dance. And most importantly, have fun and forget your worries.” Dumbledore smiled softly like every time he ended a speech and sat back down. Food appeared on our plates and I started to eat even though my stomach was full of butterflies.

Soft music was playing in the background making it hard not to stare at Charlie and not forget the food on my plate. After dinner, Dumbledore rose again.

“Might I steal your attention just one more time as I am proud to present your entertainer for tonight...” The intro to Do The Hippogriff by The Weird Sisters started to play and they suddenly appeared in the middle of the stage positioned in the back of the Hall.

Tonks stood up at once and I have never seen her fangirling so much. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up so quickly that I got dizzy. She took Penny's hand and without even looking at Charlie I was dancing with them in the crowd in front of the stage.

We have never had anything like this and it was nice to be so relaxed and not worry about our every move.

“This...is...so...much...fun!” Penny was shouting but I could barely hear her. I just nodded and laughed. I couldn't believe how comfortable these heels were. Andre was a miracle worker.

“I'll be right back!” Tonks yelled a little too much in my ear and made me wince. She made her way through the crowd and right before the song ended she brought Tulip back who was already jumping and singing.

“Boys later, girls now!” Penny winked at Tulip, whose lipstick was barely visible and I was sure it was more on Jae's lips than hers.

“Good evening, young witches and wizards!!!” The singer of The Weird Sisters shouted in his microphone. “Are you ready for more?!” The crowd roared and somebody put a hand on my waist. I turned around and stiffened as I saw Charlie smile down on me.

“What, you thought you girls can have all the fun?” He grinned and started dancing as The Weird Sisters played another song.

At first, I thought that Barnaby would be freaked out by how into dancing Tonks was but apparently he was just as big a fan of the Sisters as she was. They were rocking the dance floor! Tulip and Jae were locked together again and jumping in the air. I decided to just let go and enjoy my time with Charlie.

I had no idea he had such a good sense of rhythm. I tried to stay focused on him because every time I looked at Penny she kept winking at me.

—

“Now, everybody...” After the fourth song, the singer spoke again. I was glad as I was so out of breath that I felt like I need to sit down. “We are going to take a five-minute break and then we'll be back with something...slower.” He said the last word sluggishly and I was sure that a girl in the front row fainted.

“You want to grab something to drink?” I turned to Charlie. His eyes were full of emotions and that smile of his was something entirely different from what I was used to. I just nodded and was hoping he would mistake my red cheeks for me being hot from dancing.

He gently took my hand and we made our way to the table with drinks.

“What would you like?” He asked. His voice was so soft.

“Butterbeer is fine.” I smiled and realized we were still holding hands. He took two Butterbeers and we stepped a bit aside to give space to other students.

“Charlie...” This was the first time I was looking for words while speaking to him. We always had so much to talk about but I didn't want to talk about anything else than us. “You look very handsome tonight.” I smiled, shyly. I remembered I was so overwhelmed by his words before that I completely forgot to pay him a compliment. Even though saying he was handsome was an understatement. I couldn't believe I was so blind before.

“Thank you. You'll have to thank Andre for that.” He grinned.

“Made the robes for you like for us?” I couldn't stop smiling at him.

“Oh, you don't want to know! I trusted my mum to buy me the robes and you don't want to know what I got.” He chuckled. “This was green.” He pointed at his coat. “This had more lace on it than your dress.” I laughed. “The trousers were bright red.” He laughed with me.

“Then Andre is a lifesaver.” I couldn't even imagine those colors together. I love Molly but what was she thinking!

“Thank you, Nova!” Andre and Penny appeared beside us. He tapped Charlie on the back. “You would not look at him as you do if he was wearing what his mum sent him.” Charlie turned pink in the face and I looked at Penny who was looking down at something, beaming. I followed her gaze and realized that Charlie and I were still holding hands.

I let go of his hand. Not because I wanted to but because I was afraid Penny was going to say something. I wanted to talk to Charlie in private, not with Penny planning our wedding in front of us.

“Now...” The Weird Sisters interrupted my staring contest with her. “I would like to invite all the lovely couples out there to test their dancing skills with a slow song.” The lights dimmed down and pink fog appeared on the dance floor. Magic Works started playing.

“I'm sorry to interrupt your staring contest Penny, but may I steal her away from you?” Charlie put out a hand to me and I could see Penny shaking when she nodded to him, excitedly.

He led me to the dance floor and as the Sisters sang:

'This is your final chance, to hold, the one you love, you know you've waited long enough.'

I placed my head on Charlie's chest, my hands around his waist, and closed my eyes. We were barely moving but I knew he didn't mind. He was resting his head on top of mine, his hands around my waist.

Penny

“Care for a dance, sweetheart?” I could barely hear Andre. I gently turned my head to him and saw his inviting hand.

“I love you, but would you mind if we sit down?” I said. Andre looked in the direction of my gaze and smiled. I knew he understood how much this moment meant to me and the girls. I followed him to our table. I couldn't take my eyes off Nova and Charlie. It was finally happening!

After all this time, after all they've been through. After Charlie being heartbroken and Nova having two crushes at once and all the fights and drama, they were finally ready to be together. Tonks sat down next to me and blew her nose.

“Is this how it feels like...to be a proud parent?” She sobbed, looking at them.

“I can't believe they needed a Ball to bring them together.” Tulip sat on my other side.

“And how handsome is Charlie! Incredible job, mate!” Tonks said to Andre.

“I like what he's done with his hair.” Said Tulip who looked like she will burst into tears any second now.

I was so focused on them as a whole that I didn't even notice that Charlie let his hair loose. He rarely had it outside a ponytail this year even though it was the smallest ponytail imaginable and his hair was everywhere anyway because it was so curly. Now it just stood perfectly and made him more attractive.

“Took them long enough.” Tonks finally stopped sobbing.

“You reckon Charlie will tell her or she will tell him?” Tulip was ready to bet.

“Do they even need to talk to each other?” Jae asked confused. He was right, they were embraced, slowly moving back and forth to a love song, their eyes closed.

“I can't wait for her to tell us everything tomorrow!” I beamed.

“I just hope Charlie can stay.” Tulip said suddenly and as Tonks and I exchanged a worried look, we snapped out of their fairytale.

“He has to.” I whispered. “They are meant for each other.” I looked at Andre. We got up and joined Charlie and Nova on the dance floor.

Charlie

It was hard not to focus on the lyrics, which now more than ever seemed as if the song was written for us.

‘And make, your final move, mmm, don't be scared, she wants you to. It's hard, you must be brave, don't let this moment slip the way.’

At this point, I didn't even care if she could feel how fast my heart was beating. I gently pulled away from her and she looked at me. The way she smiled made me want to kiss her there and then and I knew this was my chance.

“Nova...” I whispered.

“Hmm.” She hummed to indicate she was listening, focusing her eyes on mine.

“I have to tell you something.” I tried keeping my voice steady. “Would you mind going outside with me?”

“Of course.” She said softly.

I took her hand, locked our fingers, and took her out of the Hall.

Tulip and Jae made it back on the same spot as they began in front of the Great Hall. We went through the front door and wanted to go through the Main Courtyard when Nova stopped me.

I turned around to see what was happening and her mouth was wide open. I followed her gaze and saw Barnaby and Tonks sitting on a bench about to kiss.

“No way!” I chuckled.

“I'm a matchmaker!” Nova beamed. I knew that she told Barnaby to ask Tonks to the Ball after she turned him down.

“You were taking me somewhere?” She turned to me, giving me her full attention.

“Can you walk to the Lake in those heels?” I let out a small chuckle.

“I'll manage just fine.” She rose our hands and twirled around waking the butterflies in my stomach for the 100th time this night.

We stopped by the tree, which was our favorite place to spend time with each other. She leaned on it and bit her lip. Was she trying to kill me? I reached in my inner pocket and handed her the letter I got in the morning.

“This came today.” She looked at me hopefully and opened it at once.

“Does this mean, you're staying?” I knew she was trying to hide her excitement but couldn't and I didn't blame her. I was just as happy as she was about it.

“Yes.” I whispered. “It also means I have to tell you something else.” She finally took her eyes off the letter and locked them with mine. They were sparkling.

“Nova, I...” I suddenly forgot how to speak. I forgot the speech I prepared in my head, her eyes were just so beautiful and what I was feeling was better than someone slipping me the Amortentia potion.

“I know we're best friends and you know our friendship means the world to me but...” Her smile grew larger. She knew exactly where I was going with this and it made the words easier to come out. “I have feelings for you that want me to be more than friends with you and I simply have to tell you because I can't hold them in anymore.”

“Finally one of us gathered the courage to say something.” She whispered, her voice shaking and her eyes were beaming. I put one of my hands on her waist, making her lean more to the tree, and placed my other hand on her neck.

I pressed my lips on hers. They were so soft. I could taste the Butterbeer on her. Our lips parted and as our tongues met I got a tingling feeling in my stomach. I have been longing for this moment. Dreaming about it. Thinking about it and I couldn't believe it was finally happening. I pulled away gently. “Well, that felt...” Nova smiled, opened her eyes, and looked at me. If it could, my heart would start beating even faster, the way she was looking at me. She really liked me back! “Natural.” I smiled back and brushed her lips with my finger. “I guess we had it coming for years.” She chuckled and this time she kissed me. “Since Third Year, actually.” I said when we stopped kissing. “Third Y...Charlie, you had a crush on me for so long?” I could see her eyes turning sad as she was probably wondering why this moment didn't come sooner.

“Back then it was a crush...” I chuckled and pressed my lips on hers again. I will never get enough of them. “Now I'm really falling for you, Nova.” I brushed the lock of hair off her face and she closed her eyes. I could feel her trembling. “When did you start to fancy me?” I lifted her chin so she would look at me. It was cute how shy she was now around me. “I think I first felt it that day we made up in the Forbidden Forest.” She grinned. “But I think I liked you before that and now I regret not facing my feelings sooner.” She put her hand around my neck and started kissing me again. “Don't regret it. I know you felt something that day.” I brushed my finger over her cheek. “Then why didn't you say anything?” Her face puzzled. “I wasn't sure if you were completely over Murphy and I wanted you to sort your feelings out first before we start anything.” I explained. “I am not going to lie I needed quite some time to figure everything out.” She giggled and my heart skipped a beat. “And the girls and Bill had to help me.”

“Bill?” I didn't know how he could help from Egypt. “I didn't know who I wanted to go to the Ball with and then Bill and Penny finally made me realize that it was you all along.” She gave me a gentle kiss. “I didn't want to admit it to myself because you are my best friend and I didn't want to do anything to ruin our friendship again after what I've put you through last year.” She bowed her head. “Hey,” I brought her eyes back to mine, “I was struggling with the same thing. We didn't have that fight just because I missed you as a friend. My feelings were hurt because I had a crush on you and you fancied someone else.” I gave out a faint smile. I didn't like to remind myself of last year. We both said some things we didn't mean. “None of that is important now.” She pulled me back on her lips. “We might've needed time but we are together now.” She lowered her arms, found my hands, and locked our fingers. Her touch made my body go numb but in a good way. “And I promise you, Charles Weasley, I am sure in my feelings now and I only have them for you.” I put my hands on her waist and pressed her tightly against me and kissed her again. The kiss was tender but with so much hidden passion. We stood by that tree, embraced, for what seemed like hours but we didn't care. We were both processing the fact that we are finally together. No more confusing feelings, no more fights, no secrets. It was just us and it was perfect. “It's getting late.” I whispered even though I didn't mind if we just stay like that the whole night. “Mhm.” I could feel her face move into a smile on my chest. She now had my coat because she didn't bring her jacket and I have to say that Andre probably wouldn't approve of the style combination. “Listen, I know this isn't important at all but how are you going to tell the girls about us?” She lifted her head off my chest and looked at me. I swear if my heart will skip a beat every time she does, it won't have that much time to beat at all.

“I was thinking not to tell them yet.” She said softly. “Don't get me wrong, I don't want to hide us, it's just you should've seen them in the Room of Requirement, they were worse than my mum!” We both laughed. Her mum was teasing her with me since the end of First Year and now, 5 years later we're finally here. “What I felt when you kissed me and how it feels to be with you is so natural. Like it was always meant to be and I know they will make a big deal out of it and probably throw a party in the Great Hall.” I laughed, she was probably right. “And they will ask so many questions and I just want to enjoy my time with you.” She sneaked in a quick kiss before continuing. “We have both waited for this for so long and I don't want every moment to be teasing and clapping and someone making a kissy face at us.” She started to make the face we liked to tease Penny and Tulip with these days. “That sounds like our friends, yes.” I chuckled. “However, to be fair, we are doing the same to them and I bet Penny and Tulip went through an interrogation at the sleepover.” I chortled. “True but Penny has been dating Andre for 3 months before telling us and Tulip and Jae have been together for more than half a year before saying anything.” She did have a point there. “I wouldn't mind sneaking around some.” I smiled at her. “And since we were always somewhat affectionate in public it's not going to be so difficult to hide.” I made her giggle. “You really wouldn't mind?” She lifted her hands to my face and gently brushed her fingers over my cheeks. I trembled. “I asked you because I wanted to say the same thing. I just want you. Without any commotion or questions or anything and besides even though our families would approve of our relationship I don't want to get a letter from mum because Percy or the twins might see us and send a message home.” The thought of them finding out that way seemed unfair and I wanted us to get used to each other being a couple instead of just best friends before telling them.

“Right. I completely forgot that you have little Weasley spies all over Hogwarts.” We laughed together. “Ok, then we hide until we're ready to tell.” She pressed her lips so strongly to mine that I had to grip my stand not to stumble back. “So where are we going to meet?” She asked. “What, to snog?” The biggest smile painted my face. She nodded and couldn't help but get a bit shy. She was so cute. “Well, we can go to the Forest.” I suggested. “Even though I would love to take you on a real first date.” Her grip on my hands tightened and I knew she would love that. “We can give the Room of Requirement a try.” She said after a few seconds of thinking. “Then let's say tomorrow at 7?” I kissed her forehead. “It's a date, Weasley!” She put her hands around my neck and I pulled her waist closer to mine and our lips were one again. Perhaps the Ball can wait a little bit longer.

[uwua3]

Hi Bunnie! Can I please have a drabble where Taichi, Tenma, and Juza (basically the Ō High trio) are caught up in a big argument with their soft!s/o and how they make up afterwards? So basically angst with hints of fluff at the end. Thank you so much!

ah... angst is my favorite trope to write! thank you so much for this request~ i just know i’m gonna have so much #Fun ✨! i hope you enjoy it, have a great rest of your day and i love you!!! (･ω<)☆

summary: love is a choice, not a feeling

warnings: angst, arguments, anxiety, blood, break–up(?), bruises, falling out of love, fighting, lying, mental illness, panic attack, physical violence

author’s note: each of three (3) stories follow lyrics to who by lauv ft. bts !! ♡ making this a song fic :D none of taichi, tenma, or juza’s storys align with one another in the same universe, fyi! please be conscious of tw warnings listed above and know you are loved no matter what *ଯ( ॢᵕ꒶̮ᵕ)ॢഒ*♡ + dialogue from tenma’s part follows iu & oh hyuk’s conversation in the song, “can’t love you anymore” for anyone curious :)

word count: 1,438 (taichi), 1,114 (tenma), 1,235 (juza)

music: i don’t know – seventeen (taichi), can’t love you anymore – iu ft. oh hyuk (tenma), if you do – got7 (juza)

who.

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

OUTLINES OF YOUR EYES AND VISIONS OF YOU

I THINK I NEED A MINUTE

TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS, WHAT ISN’T

Inferiority, that was what Taichi fell victim to. It didn’t matter where he was or what he did, Taichi would never change to be good enough. Not for the stage, not for Mankai, and... not for you. How could you love Taichi when he couldn’t even love himself?

You had no reason to love him, not after all he’s done, not when he couldn’t be more. Even when Taichi was lacking, you still chose him time and time again. But, why? You had to have some ulterior motive, some plan, some elaborate scheme, to use him—to break him like he deserved.

With time came paranoia, and with that came distrust. No matter how much his heart beat for you, Taichi’s overwhelming fears paralyzed him to the point of no return. What was real? What wasn’t? Did you love him for who he was, or who you thought he was?

Who was Nanao Taichi? Who were you?

THESE CHOICES AND VOICES,

THEY’RE ALL IN MY HEAD

After all, was it really okay for Taichi to do this? To accept this love even when he didn’t believe he deserved it? Was it okay for Taichi to wholeheartedly say “I love you” first even if he was aware you could have anyone else? Being in love with you was both a blessing and a curse, because while it was the happiest he had ever been, Taichi was afraid it was all a lie.

Taichi didn’t know if he’d be able to recover if you ended up leaving. Pathetic, right? He woke up every morning searching for comfort and peace in your presence, and fell asleep every night to dream of your existence. You were his source of love in all aspects of any reality, no matter where he found himself. What would happen if you disappeared one day and never came back? What would Taichi do?

Could a person like him be in love like this? Taichi couldn’t help but begin to doubt your intentions even if his heart knew you would never be a bad person like that. Taichi’s insecurities had taken over his mindset for the worse, and its effects on your relationship was becoming more and more parasitic by the day. Both of you could see it even if it took a while for anyone to acknowledge it.

When the argument happened, it was a long awaited conversation meant to be had.

SOMETIMES YOU MAKE ME FEEL CRAZY

SOMETIMES I SWEAR I THINK YOU HATE ME LIKE

You found Taichi at his breaking point. Where the thoughts became too loud, where he couldn’t hear you over his own anxiety. Even if Taichi was your boyfriend, it almost felt like he was a stranger with how little you saw him. Every excuse in the book was used just so he wouldn’t see you, and you wanted to know why once and for all what was wrong.

You soon found out everything that made up Taichi was wrong. You nearly didn’t recognize him, tired and unable to fake a smile as well as before. His room reflected his chaotic state of mind, messy and unorganized with no coherence whatsoever. Taichi sat at his desk, mindlessly fidgeting with a yo–yo with his eyes blankly staring ahead. Minature origami surrounded every surface to his name, and you realized how severe Taichi’s mental health had become.

A pang of pain struck your heart when you called his name, only for Taichi to not respond. It took a moment before Taichi shot up, stumbling out of his chair to greet you with an exhausted grin. Taichi held up his arms, about to give you a hug like always. “O–Oh! I didn’t see you there! I thought we had our date tomorrow—”

“Taichi, are you okay?”

Taichi’s smile wavered then fell, his fist clenching around his plastic yo–yo so hard to the point you questioned how it didn’t crack. His knuckles were white and his eyes anxiously watched for every little change in your facial expression, as if waiting for some sign of anger.

“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” Taichi lied through his teeth, moving forward to put his hand on yours. You moved back, and that seemed to put him on the edge, making Taichi almost feel betrayed by your hesitation.

“We... we haven’t seen each other in so long... You always cancel on me, saying you have practice. What is this, then? Have you even been going to rehearsal?” You snapped, all your frustrations of being ghosted boiling over. As you began pacing the room, you narrowly missed the clothes strewn on the floor and knick knacks Taichi must’ve fidgeted with.

“N–No, but...” Taichi gulped, pulling at his dirty shirt collar, willing himself to breathe. Did it suddenly get so difficult to find air? Any other time, Taichi would’ve made a joke about how you made him breathless, but his heart was pounding too fast and everything was dizzying. Before Taichi could ask you to stand still and give his head a break, you kept going, not able to keep it together anymore.

“Why have you been ignoring me? It’s okay if you need space, but, let me know! One day, you just disappeared and never came back.” “But, I’m right here.” “No, you’re not. Not, as the Taichi I know.”

Silence hung over you two uncomfortably, the atmosphere tense. The moment you turned to leave, Taichi broke.

I NEED A WALK, I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE

‘CAUSE I NEED TO KNOW

“Who said you knew me?”

You paused, holding onto the door knob before slowly turning, meeting Taichi’s eyes. “Do you actually love me? Or, am I some charity case to you?” Taichi laughed, but it was humorless like everything was to him recently. You were quick to respond, but Taichi was faster, letting everything tormenting his mind out into the real world.

“The moment I’m not who you dreamt of, I’m in the wrong. It’s my fault, I know! Goddamn it, I know!” Taichi’s voice cracked as he fell back into his desk chair, trying to maintain his breathing to be even despite the tears. “I love you, so much. But, do you feel the same? How do I know you’re not lying? Why would anyone choose to love me? I don’t... I don’t deserve you, even if I love you.”

When you rushed in front of him, recognizing the signs of a panic attack, Taichi fell forward to grip your shirt, his fists shaking and head bowed low. Taking in a shuddering sob, Taichi tried to focus on the sound of your voice to be okay.

“I... I never wanted you to see me like this. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” Taichi cried after suppressing his emotions after so long of feeling numb. You rested your hands on his shoulder, trying your best to encourage him to breathe.

“Taichi, it’s okay. Can you hear me?” You asked, to which Taichi feebly nodded with his eyes squeezed shut. “Okay, can you please breathe after me?” You exaggerated your deep breaths in and out, eventually helping Taichi to mimic your pattern and stabilizing his anxiety for the moment.

Taichi thought when worst came to worst, you would already be gone. You didn’t run away even when Taichi’s anxiety got the best of him, you stayed. Taichi clung onto you a little bit tighter at that thought, even if he didn’t need to.

Maybe, you did love him.

After a while, you pulled back and Taichi’s arms automatically looked for you. Taichi hid his face in your shirt again, exhaling quietly at your warmth. You ruffled his hair affectionately, petting it softly to remind him you were there. Taichi was still somewhat shaking, drained from the panic attack and how strong it was.

“Taichi, I’m going to take a walk, okay?” When Taichi raised his head, eyes wide at the fear of you using this as a reason to leave, you placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll come back, I promise. When I do, let’s talk about everything. No more secrets, okay?” You reasoned, making Taichi eventually nod. You two linked pinkies, making it a promise that this was a new start for both of you.

Right before you closed the door, Taichi called out to you, weakly smiling. “I love you.” You didn’t hesitate to respond, knowing your love for Nanao Taichi to be true. “I love you, too.”

Taichi believed you this time.

🌻☀️ sumeragi tenma

WHO ARE YOU?

‘CAUSE YOU’RE NOT THE PERSON I FELL IN LOVE WITH, BABY

“Hello?”

Tenma could tell it was you on the other end of the line, with your heartbreaking silence ruining the city for him. Leaning his head on the glass of the taxi window, Tenma watched the dazzling and glamorous skyscrapers pass by slowly in the late night traffic. While the driver tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, the star power of Japan’s biggest idols were advertised in every billboard high in the sky. Tenma waited for your answer to his sighed greeting, catching his own face smirking back at him from a commercial playing near by.

“Where are you?” You finally asked, your voice just the same as Tenma’s: exhausted. What had you done all day that made you this tired? Even Tenma didn’t know... weren’t boyfriends supposed to know? Tenma looked around, lost in the middle of Tokyo, a city that he could never keep up with despite being born in the center of it all.

“In a taxi.”

“Are you almost home?” Your voice cracked towards the end, and Tenma quickly sat up once he realized something was wrong. Before he could ask what happened, Tenma suddenly leaned his head back onto the seat, closing his eyes. He couldn’t bear to accept what he had done—or, not done—this late into the evening.

“Oh god, I’m sorry.”

WHO ARE YOU?

‘CAUSE SOMETHING HAS CHANGED

“For what?” You both knew the answer, however. Tenma couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. The date displayed upon the dashboard of the cab seemed to remind Tenma of everything he had done wrong. It was your one–year anniversary, and Tenma had forgotten until now.

“Just, for everything.” Tenma forced out, his visage suddenly no longer the splitting image of teen fame anymore. He looked much more normal, no longer sporting a wealthy air to him but rather a troubled kid with the public eye watching his every move. Luckily, no paparazzi stood outside his vehicle’s tinted windows, flashing their cameras to publish any negative headlines. Instead, it was just Tenma, his taxi driver, and you waiting for him at home.

“Please come home, Ten.” You whispered, sounding like you were begging for this one small thing from him out of his busy schedule. Tenma ran his hand through his hair, trying not to lash out and hit the closest thing around him. He didn’t need a scandal to his name, especially since that meant ruining your reputation and Tenma had already made you hurt enough. Acting like the perfect romantic boyfriend was so, so easy on screen... how come he couldn’t do it in real life?

“Why should I?” Tenma angrily retorted, and that’s when he knew he made the biggest mistake of his life. You couldn’t hide it this time, and a pained cry was muffled behind your phone as you tried to not care as much. Tenma didn’t know why he snapped at you when all he felt was frustration and shame at himself.

“Am I not a good enough reason to stay?”

“Of course you are—”

“Then, why won’t you come home?”

“...”

“Do you love me?”

I do, but I don’t deserve you. “I left my wallet back at the studio. I might not make it back tonight.”

YOU’RE NOT THE SAME

I HATE IT

“Goodnight, then.”

“Tenma, wait—by the way... Nevermind.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t think we’re in love anymore, Tenma.”

Tenma opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling of the taxi as it slowly moved forward. Why was it so blurry? Tenma thought, pulling his hand back only reveal a tear upon his finger. He was crying in public, how could a Sumeragi do this? But, Tenma couldn’t stop, he simply just dropped his cell phone into the seats and listened for the click of the call ending. It came after a few moments or so, and Tenma could feel a pair of eyes glancing at him from the review mirror.

Before Tenma could tell him he couldn’t do autographs at the moment, the driver silently passed him a tissue. Tenma took it gratefully, trying not to sob in front of a complete stranger. The driver seemed satisfied before he turned off the radio in the background, clearing his throat before speaking.

“What’s the matter, son? Do you want to talk?” He asked, but it didn’t sound ill–intentioned like an interviewer. It held a fatherly tone, one that automatically made Tenma want to trust him. Taking a minute to compose himself, Tenma slowly began retelling what had happened during his most recent call, his hands still shaking from the aftermath. As traffic stalled, the driver listened to Tenma’s relationship problems carefully before sighing, tapping his fingers against the wheel.

“Boy, how old are you?”

“Sixteen, sir.”

“You are too young to be this heartbroken.” The driver said, pausing to turn and gesture for the car to pass them. “Well, first thing’s first, do you love them?”

“With all my heart, sir.” Tenma responded without hesitation, knowing his love for you was truth.

“Then, why didn’t you say so back then?” The driver commented exasperatedly, his old wisdom and infinite experience with relationships making Tenma’s boyish actions seem like child’s play. Tenma sighed, putting his face in his hands as he admitted the inevitable that had been eating away at him for a while now.

I’M SICK OF WAITING FOR LOVE

I KNOW YOU’RE NOT THE ONE

“They deserve better. All I can give them is love, but, even I can’t do that right. What if I’m not the one for them even if I love them?”

“Listen, boy, and listen good. They love you for one reason only: because it’s you. They chose to love you, not anyone else. You may not be the future, but you’re the one right now. Isn’t that enough?”

Tenma truly took in the words, feeling a sense of comfort he didn’t know he needed after all this time. Without wasting a second, Tenma rapidly passed a large sum of bills with the most excessive tip ever, profusely thanking the driver. Before the taxi driver could refuse such money from a young teen, Tenma opened the car door and left, slamming it shut with random adrenaline.

The driver stuck his head out the window, yelling down the street, “Where the hell are you going, kid?!”. Tenma looked over his shoulder, already halfway down the sidewalk with his phone screen open to your contact. He smiled, not his classic Sumeragi grin, but a true, genuine smile filled with hope to make things right.

“To go celebrate my one year anniversary!”

🍁🍰 hyodo juza

FEELIN’ HYPTONIZED BY THE WORDS THAT YOU SAID

DON’T LIE TO ME, JUST GET IN MY HEAD

Juza hated everything to do with fighting. You could never count on Juza to throw the first punch, to start something with someone, to look for trouble anytime. Yet, you couldn’t help but despise his violence, even if it was provoked.

Juza had too many scars on his fists to forget his reputation around O High, but he didn’t mean to hurt anybody. Especially, not you. But, how could Juza say that when he came to see you after every back end alley way fight? It hurt you to see your boyfriend like this, used as some entertainment for no good thugs. Juza fell to the bait every single time, no matter what you said to convince him otherwise.

Juza promised he’d never hurt you, but how could he keep getting into physical fights like this?

WHEN THE MORNING COMES, YOU’RE STILL IN MY BED

BUT IT’S SO, SO COLD

You couldn’t sleep last night, not when Juza showed up at your door, bruised and dazed. You knew how strong of a fighter Juza was, so his opponent must’ve been formidable if he could barely find his way to your house. It was too late for a school night, but here he was, finally deciding to ask you for help.

“Sorry, I wouldn’t have come, but...” Juza raised his hand, the bandage messily done and already falling off. Juza was always amatuer at first aid for some reason, and you could see the rough cuts underneath the blood–stained cloth. You couldn’t leave him alone at god knows what hour, so you invited him inside.

Juza made sure to never let it become a habit to rely on you, so you helped out whenever you could, even if it pained you to see him so hurt like this. Underneath the yellow bathroom light barely illuminating the cramped space, you rummaged in your cabinets for the first aid kit as Juza sat on the closed toilet, fidgeting with his school uniform jacket.

When your eyes lingered on the torn hem of his blazer for a moment too long, he ducked his head to focus on your bathtub curtain. “Better not to ask.” Juza simply stated, and you believed him. You held in a sigh and took out the minature white box to start working.

Juza didn’t flinch whenever you disinfected his wounds, and you wondered how much pain he really felt. When you asked him to stay (more for your sake than his), Juza agreed and thanked you softly. Seeing such a sweet boy bandaged in your bathroom nearly made you cry, so you just nodded and kissed the band aid by his lips.

Juza waited until you were fully asleep until he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” Juza whispered out loud.

You woke up to Juza still sleeping, his breath quiet and arm wrapped around you gently. You were about to smile, but you couldn’t bring yourself to after seeing his bruises had gotten even worse.

How could you keep doing this when it took everything in you not to cry from Juza getting hurt?

WHO ARE YOU?

‘CAUSE YOU’RE NOT THE PERSON I FELL IN LOVE WITH, BABY

Juza didn’t come to you after that. Perhaps Juza knew how affected you were by his late night challenges, or he couldn’t wake up to your disappointment anymore, but he was gone. During the day, you attended classes with O High’s delinquent as usual. However, after school hours weren’t yours anymore. It must’ve been hierarchy season, where arrogant boys thought they had a shot against the Hyodo Juza.

Even if Juza didn’t come by anymore, you still couldn’t sleep. How could you when all you thought about was if Juza was okay? Did he make it back to the Mankai dorms that night? Who’s making sure he’s okay? Is he even okay? Every time you closed your eyes for a split second, you’d see Juza’s gentle smile with a band aid on the corner of his lips. Day became night and it was all the same, since you were awake to experience it all.

You kicked off your blankets, throwing your pillow off your face as it landed with a thud on the other side of your pitch black room. Turning on your phone screen, your tired gaze read the time of 1 A.M. Juza was surely still awake, it wouldn’t hurt to just call him... right? You unlocked it as your finger hovered over Juza’s contact, hesitating.

What would you even say? That you missed him? Did Juza even miss you? You called Juza anyways, anxiously listening to the rings go through before hitting voicemail. Juza always answered your calls before... what happened?

“Meet me soon. We need to talk, you know where to find me.”

WHO ARE YOU?

‘CAUSE SOMETHING HAS CHANGED, YOU’RE NOT THE SAME, I HATE IT

You were right to bring your first aid kit.

Behind the fence was a sunset casting a boy’s shadow across the pavement. Juza hopped the gate easily, landing beside you and avoiding your judgement in the process. You knew exactly why—all because of that unmistakable mark on his face. He couldn’t even hide it.

“Heard your voicemail. Is everything okay?” Juza roughly cleared his throat, settling to lean next to you. You shook your head, unable to find the words in the moment. You just held your hand out and Juza’s put his on top of it automatically, fingers tensing before holding yours. When Juza squeezed your hand once, you wished he could be with you forever, away from all that violence and high school fights.

“You didn’t answer my call. Why?” You questioned, straight to the point. Juza never lied to you, so he looked away and frowned, trying to phrase it in a way so you wouldn’t worry. “Better if—” “If I don’t know, right?” You interrupted with a sharp tone. Juza winced, knowing your anger was justified.

“Juza... I’m so tired.” You started, knowing it was both physically and mentally. “I love you, but I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

Juza’s eyes widened, standing up straight and putting both your hands in his. You shuddered and tried to keep your breath steady, looking towards the ground. You never noticed how scuffed his shoes were, you wondered what they’ve seen.

“What? I thought we were happy, I love you—”

“Do you really? Then, why do you keep fighting?”

Juza didn’t have an answer. Even he didn’t know himself.

I’M SICK OF WAITING FOR LOVE

I KNOW YOU’RE NOT THE ONE

“I can’t be with you if I don’t even know if you’re okay.”

“I always win—”

“That doesn’t matter! I just want you to be safe, why do you entertain them? What would your family think?!”

“Don’t. Don’t... bring them up.”

“Juza... this isn’t right for you. Please, give it up.”

“I can’t lose—”

“So, you’re choosing to lose me, instead?”

You didn’t wait around this time. “Call me when you change your life for the better.” You left, leaving behind a boy with a broken heart this time.

Juza stared at his hands, their surfaces uneven and calloused from all his years of violence. Something had to change, Juza couldn’t lose you.

When you received a call from Hyodo Juza, you accepted it.



[j0hn-deacons-perm]

I’ve been reading Is This the Real Life: the Untold Story of Queen and some things in this...

-Brian and Roger got into it after a show one time and Roger just went in with hairspray in Bri’s face

-Freddie met with a group of people in tight satin pants and couldn’t sit down so he looked around and tried to not attract attention to himself while undoing them

-Freddie was also so exhausted during their US tour at one point he just completely passed out, face in his breakfast

-Roger chose the shirt Fred wanted to wear for their first Rainbow show so he stormed off during soundcheck and brian begged for him to come back

-Also during their first US tour, Brian got himself a love affair in New Orleans and had to be rushed back to the UK after waking up in New York with full blown hepatitis due to a vaccine he received earlier in the year.. Freddie got herpes apparently? Icons.

-Freddie kept up with visiting Brian in the hospital while they worked on Sheer Heart Attack since homeboy had an operation after he was cleared for his hepatitis bed rest then had an ulcer shortly after.

-Roger didn’t like his hair in the cover photo for Sheer Heart Attack so they added extensions in the final photo. 

-Years after them leaving Trident, John was met with a former employee who recognized him at an airport and just completely shut him down. We love a king who knows his worth.

Edit #1 since I’ve read a bit more...

-Brian would somewhat irritate the person making coffee and tea. “...and then I’d ask Brian what he wanted. Then there’d be this pause and then he’d ask ‘How many teas are you making? How many coffees?...Two?...Three? Is it easier for you to make another coffee or another tea?’ You could spend 10 minutes just doing this. He was trying to make it easier for me, but in the end I’d be like, ‘Brian! Just tell me what you want!’”

-Bri thought Death on Two Legs was too mean and felt bad singing it.

-Freddie shutting down homophobes in the audience by shining the spot light on them and asking them to repeat what they said.

-Freddie didn’t believe the gold disc for a Night at the Opera was the album so he broke it open to play it and it was indeed their album. He was suspicious of EMI after everything at Trident which, I mean, valid.

-Mary out here recognizing her and Fred’s relationship was crumbling, accepted it and hugged him when he came out. We love a good support system.

-When in Australia, they had to go on foot to their venue due to a festival taking place. No cars could pass. But Freddie being extra, he was driven through in a limo while drinking champagne.

Edit #2

-Fred was being driven to the studio and they crashed so he went to a nearby house to use their phone...in a silk kimono with Queen written on the back...almost dressed in full stage attire. They let him in, made him tea and chatted.

-During their show at Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto, Brian’s amp exploded and he ran over to tell Freddie but it was in his mic pretty much so everyone heard him panicing. Fred waved Bri away saying “Oh, just jump around a bit and the silly bastards won’t know the difference!”

-If Fred walked somewhere, a car would follow him with the door open in case he got tired. This boy is so extra I swear to god....

-I ALMOST FORGOT!! They had clocks as promo items for News of the World and they sounded kind of fancy so I looked it up and.....

Bitch...I low-key want one.

Edit #3

-That feeling when Roger could not confirm but didn’t doubt there being dwarves with cocaine at the Jazz debut party.

-In Munich recording the Game, the boys would split off to do their own thing after recording for the day. Freddie would explore the gay club scene while the others got drinks, dinner and a club then would meet back up with Freddie at the hotel. Taylor’s suite (not sure if it’s Roger or Crystal tbh) was the HH....the hetero hangout and Freddie’s was the PPP...the Presidential Pouff Parlour.

-John was nicknamed Ostrich because ‘He’s was like a bird who stays quiet until it finally lays a perfect egg.’ Kinda wish there was more about John in this book tbh

-the author really out here typing Deakey....unbelievable. Either Deacy or Deaky, binch. Come on.

-According to Crystal, Roger had his drum case be a close up of his face in case he had amnesia and needed to know what he looked like but we all know the truth, Rog 👀

-During a late night drinking sesh, one of the crew put on the Flash Gordon soundtrack and John, shit faced, asked who it was.

Edit #4

-Apprently Cool Cat was the first song written for/on Hot Space and Brian wasn’t a huge fan of it or Back Chat because it wasn’t heavy enough. Adding onto that, Staying Power and Body Language were thought to be too gay and Bri wanted things to be for everyone of different persuasions. Brian....let the gays have something.

-With the Works and Hot Space being my top two Queen albums...I was disappointed how much was just blown over with the recording process tbh.

-Paul Prenter was a massive cunt but everyone knows that.

-John was busted after a Phil Collins concert because he was drunk driving. He was driving his new Porsche but then got his license suspended for a year. Brian was a guest DJ for a radio show where he played Stevie Wonder’s Don’t Drive Drunk and dedicated the song to “John, whom some of you may know has had a little problem with his car recently.’

-Freddie’s pick up line for Jim was ‘how big is your dick’....I mean, in a way, it worked??? Iconic.

-Roger owned up to having their sound guy set false sound limits for the groups before them during Live Aid so when Queen went on, they were the loudest.

Edit #5, the last one since I finished the book

-Paul Prenter should have had someone kick him in the shins tbh fuck that guy

-Brian met Anita through a Eastenders event and he was gushing about how much he loved the show since Chrissie had him watch it then invited her to Wembley which she turned him down.

-Also fast forward to the later half of the 90′s, Anita helped Brian get into therapy for his depression and other emotional matters. We love a supportive queen.

-When the book finally talks more about John and it’s him saying the We Will Rock You musical sucked and he having an affair with a 25 year old erotic dancer like come on my dude....why couldn’t I be her??? But for real, I looked into it and found an article and wowza. When sd!Deaky be an actual thing????

-The press’ harassment of Freddie and his inner circle during his last years is absolutely horrendous to read about tbh. I think it was Roger (feel free to correct me on that if I’m wrong) who crashed his car because the camera flashes temporarily blinded him when he was trying to visit Freddie.

-Also Freddie was able to see the Bohemian Rhapsody clip from Wanye’s World since Mike Myers sent him a tape. Bri and Fred watched it and according to Brian, Freddie loved it and sent his seal of approval.

There’s the things I found interesting reading this biography. If you’ve read it or have any other fun facts, add them on my dudes!

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Parallels | Chapter 11

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist! | Parallels Masterlist

Characters: OC! Violet Grace Dawson, Luke Patterson, Julie Molina, Carrie Wilson, Bobby Wilson, Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer, Flynn nolastname, Willie nolastname, Nick Danforth-Evans, Dirty Candy 

Guideline: Sunset Universe is the universe in which Sunset Curve is famous and Violet is friends with Carrie, Julie and Flynn. Candy Universe is the universe in which Dirty Candy is more famous and Sunset Curve has broken up. 

Song(s) used: Little Me - Little Mix | Break Up Song - Little Mix

Warnings: You might cry... / Steamy-ish scene near the end

Words:  3,770

Violet didn’t know how to feel after what had happened with Bobby the other night. She had tried to get it out of her system by rehearsing Dirty Candy choreographies or writing songs about it. But nothing seemed to work. 

She didn’t know how to act around him either. It was all awkward ‘hey’s or avoiding him at all costs. Luckily, Carrie was too  busy with a secret project of hers to even notice anything happening between the two of them. 

“The wait is over!” Carrie exclaimed when she opened the door for Violet. 

The brunette chuckled and followed her best friend to the music room after shutting the front door behind them. Carrie settled behind the piano and placed her notebook on the stand on the piano before patting the spot next to her. Violet’s eyes scanned the words on the papers in front of her, realizing that Carrie had listened to her. 

“Remember when you showed me that song other Carrie wrote?” Violet nodded her head in response. “I kinda dabbled into the real shit too and wrote this song… Feel free to join in whenever you like.” 

The girl coughed while placing her fingers on the ivories. A beautiful, soft melody chimed through the room, soon followed by her even more beautiful voice. She sounded vulnerable, completely different from when she sang with Dirty Candy. 

“She lives in the shadow of a lonely girl Voice so quiet you don't hear a word Always talking but she can't be heard You can see there if you catch her eye I know she's brave but it's trapped inside Scared to talk but she don't know why”

As the notes became heavier, her voice became louder and stronger. It was like every piece of her soul she laid bare, made her stronger. 

“Wish I knew back then what I know now Wish I could somehow go back in time And maybe listen to my own advice”

“I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful, everything she doesn't see You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out And know that right here, right now You can be beautiful, wonderful, anything you wanna be Little me”

The melody became softer again, as did her voice. The whole song and the truth of it all sent shivers down Violet’s spine. 

“Yeah, you gotta lotta time to act your age You can't write a book from a single page Hands on the clock only turn one way Run too fast and you'll risk it all Can't be afraid to take a fall Felt so big but she looks so small”

Carrie glanced up at Violet and in her eyes, Violet could tell the girl was begging her to sing along. Now knowing the pre-chorus and chorus well enough, Violet decided to harmonize with Carrie’s strong vocals. 

“Wish I knew back then what I know now Wish I could somehow go back in time And maybe listen to my own advice”

The small smile that played on Carrie’s lips was contagious as it appeared on Violet’s face as well. Either that or the fact that Carrie was baring her soul to her. 

“I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful, everything she doesn't see You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out And know that right here, right now You can be beautiful, wonderful, anything you wanna be”

“Oh, little me”

“Little me, yeah, yeah, hey”

Violet shut up for a moment and let Carrie hit a high note before she went into the chorus again, followed by Carrie once that flawless note was left to linger in the air. 

“I'll tell you one thing I would say to her”

“I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful, everything she doesn't see You gotta speak up, you gotta shout out And know that right here, right now You can be beautiful, wonderful, anything you wanna be”

“Little me oh Oh, oh Little me oh You can be beautiful, wonderful, anything you wanna be Little me” 

As the last note floated out of the two of them, their eyes locked. For the first time ever, Violet felt some sort of electricity between the two. Something that had never been there before. Not with Carrie, at least. It was something she had felt before. With another Wilson. 

She noticed Carrie leaning in ever so slightly and for a second, Violet was being pulled towards her like a magnet until reality hit her and she realized what they were doing. 

“I kissed your brother,” Violet blurted out, causing Carrie to stop in her tracks. 

“You did what now?” 

Violet heaved in a deep breath. “I kissed your brother the other night when we had that fight with Dirty Candy… It didn’t mean anything. It was just – all the emotions and confusion and he was just … there… You know?” 

Carrie shrugged. “You seem to have that effect on people,” she said and shut her journal with a soft smile tugging at her lips. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I was feeling the same thing with all the emotions and such. We almost kissed – you almost kissed two Wilsons in the span of 48 hours. You hoe,” she giggled, telling Violet she wasn’t being serious but rather the joyful, teasing Carrie Violet knew from her universe. 

“What can I say? I’m a slut for the Wilsons…” Violet laughed, and so did Carrie. Once the laughter had died down, Violet turned serious again. “That song is amazing, by the way. I love it. It shows a whole ‘nother side of you that I absolutely adore. Now you just gotta tell the world about this new-found you.” 

Carrie smiled a thankful smile and, as Violet got up from the stool, she did too, grabbing her notebook in doing so. The two of them headed out into the den again where they settled on the couch. 

“When’s the next rehearsal with Sunset Curve for tomorrow’s gig?” Carrie questioned, to which Violet just heavily sighed. 

“They haven’t talked in a while… Luke’s completely ignoring every single one of them, and me. It’s so frustrating because I know it’s my fault but I’m not gonna say ‘yes’ to a date just because Luke is grumpy. That’s just… Not how it works. That’s not how I work,” Violet explained, earning a tight-lipped smile from Carrie. 

Her smile rapidly changed into a wide one, nudging her best friend in the ribs. “But hey, at least you got my brother outta this.” A loud cackle erupted her body while Violet groaned and rolled her eyes. 

“There’s nothing going on between me and your brother! It was just the one kiss!” 

No matter how much Violet protested, Carrie was going to tease her about that for the rest of their lives and they both knew that. What they didn’t know was how to get Luke to talk to the boys again. They had to find a way before Saturday because without Luke, there was no way Violet would get on that stage. 

The message in Violet’s song wasn’t clear enough to Luke, it seemed. For days after, the boy kept flirting with her and kept asking her out while Violet was hanging out with Marcus. It had annoyed her to the fullest, but she decided not to react to it and instead, hang out more and more with Marcus. 

“Where’s Luke?” Julie asked when she walked into Sunset Curve’s rehearsal space. 

The boys had invited the girls over to watch their rehearsal before their big gig the next day and of course, they had to come. Violet even brought Marcus, mostly to rub it into Luke’s face, but also because he was pretty amazing to hang out with and she had grown a little attached to him. Also, he was hot. 

But now that everyone was there, Luke’s wasn’t. 

“I don’t know,” Reggie replied, “He was gonna run a quick errand but that was over an hour ago.” 

Violet smirked. This was perfect. “I’ve found the perfect song in one of my old notebooks that we could do as a warm-up before Luke gets here?” 

“What would we be without you?” Alex cried out overdramatically, which elicited a laugh from his friends while Violet reached for the notebook she had found in Violet’s nightstand. 

Grabbing the guitar Luke usually used and handing it to Marcus, Violet replied, “Awfully unprepared.” The boy pressed a quick kiss to Violet’s head before pulling the strap around his shoulders and getting ready to tune the instrument while she explained to everyone what the song would sound like. Once everyone was briefed, the four girls got behind the microphones and the boys got ready to play their instruments. 

First, Bobby started on the keyboard, sending out an 80’s-sounding synth melody to then have Alex join in on drums while Reggie and Marcus let the guitar riffs float out. With an approving nod from Violet, Flynn took the first verse to her account. 

“This is not a second chance, no, no, baby This is not a new romance, not tonight (Oh-oh-oh) This is for all the nights I cried for you, baby Hoping you could be the one that could love me right”

After Flynn, Carrie took the pre-chorus, as previously discussed. 

“I'll be good all by myself Yeah, I'll find a way to dance without you In the middle of the crowd I'll forget all of the pain inside, oh-oh”

The band broke loose. As the rhythm sped up and the girls’ energy heightened, everyone started dancing around. Either with their instruments, behind their instruments or with a microphone in their hand. 

“So tonight, I'll sing another Another break up song So turn it up, let it play on, and on, and on, and on For all of the times they screwed us over Let it play on, and on, and on Just another break up song”

While Julie rocked out in front of Alex and Flynn and Carrie had turned to Reggie and Bobby, Violet had turned to Marcus, singing the chorus his way, both of them sporting the widest, most lovesick smiles ever. 

“Ain't no more tears (Oh) Ain't gonna cry (Oh) Boy, I'll do anything to get you off my mind I'm gonna dance (Oh) Under the lights (Oh) Boy, I'll do anything to get you off my mind”

The music slowed down again and Julie returned to her mic stand as she made the next verse her own. 

“I ain't even gonna call ya, no, baby The best thing I ever did was to let you go”

The three other girls then leaned into the same mic, Violet’s, and echoed, “Oh-oh-oh”. 

“Did you think you were the only one who could save me? I ain't gonna take you back like I did before, no, woah”

Using her own mic again, Carrie sang the pre-chorus again with a sly smirk on her face, clearly enjoying this outburst of a warm-up. 

“'Cause I'll be good all by myself Yeah, I'll find a way to dance without you In the middle of the crowd I'll forget all of the pain inside, oh-oh”

Along with the band, the girls let loose again on the chorus. All while Marcus could not keep his eyes off of Violet. He had fallen in love with the girl, all unknowingly being a part of  her devious plan to get to Luke. 

“So tonight, I'll sing another Another break-up song (Break up song) So turn it up, let it play on, and on, and on, and on (On and on) For all of the times they screwed us over Let it play on, and on, and on Just another break up song”

“Ain't no more tears (Oh) Ain't gonna cry (Oh) Boy, I'll do anything to get you off my mind I'm gonna dance (I'm gonna dance) Under the lights (Under the lights) Boy, I'll do anything to get you off my mind”

Violet stepped closer to Marcus as only Bobby’s keyboard chimed through the room. With her hand on the back of his neck, she pulled him down until their foreheads were pressed together. Gazing into his beautiful brown eyes, Violet sang the bridge. 

“I don't wanna turn back time ‘Cause what's another lonely night? I know under these lights, I'm good without you”

“I'm good, I'm good, I'm good,” the girls echoed. 

Then, Violet lifted her head again and, as her voice grew along with her confidence, Marcus started playing the guitar again while Alex and Reggie picked up their instruments as well. 

“For all those tears that I cried I sing it louder tonight Let it play on, and on, and runnin' on and on, oh, woah”

After her high note, the girls lapsed back into the chorus with more energy than before. Violet went back to dancing with the girls whilst Marcus watched her with a tender smile playing at his lips. 

“So tonight, I'll sing another Another break up song, babe So turn it up, let it play on, and on, and on, and on (Oh yeah, yeah) For all of the times they screwed us over (All the times they screwed us over) Let it play on, and on, and on (And on) Just another break up song”

Carrie and Violet faced each other as they sang the last post-chorus, an upbeat version of the bridge. While Julie and Flynn ad libbed their way through it, adding some juice to the song. 

“I don't wanna turn back time (Oh) What's another lonely night? (Lonely night, baby) I know under these lights, I'm good without you (I'm good, I'm good, I'm good) For all those tears that I cried (Oh) I sing it louder tonight Let it play on, and on, and on Just another break up song”

“What the hell is going on here?!” 

The energy and adrenaline came crashing down as soon as the lost brother returned.

Giggling, Violet replied, “We’re warming up!” She held her hands up in a shrug, the microphone still dangling in one. 

“I see that…” he stated. “I also see you’ve got yourself a new lead guitarist.” He nodded towards Marcus, who placed the guitar back on its stand before taking a few steps to stand behind Violet. 

“We were just warming up, don’t get butt-hurt,” Violet chuckled as she placed the microphone on its stand again. “Though he would be a great replacement.” It was clear as day Violet didn’t mean a word of it, but Luke didn’t quite catch onto the humor of it. 

“Hey! There’s no Sunset Curve without me!” His words made him sound like an offended toddler. He looked like one, too. 

Violet exchanged glances with Marcus, then with the girls and the other boys. “Chill, dude. I was kidding.” 

Alex, knowing his best friend, chuckled. “Someone’s jealous.” 

Luke scoffed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his checkered flannel coat. “Yeah, I am. What are you gonna do about it?” 

“Dude, seriously?!” Julie raised her voice. “You laughed in her face years ago when we set the two of you up on a date and now you’re telling me you’re head-over-heels in love with her?! You know how ridiculous that sounds?” 

“Yeah, I know how ridiculous it sounds. But can you blame me?!” His eyes landed on Violet again. “What I said back then, I didn’t mean it that way. I saw you as a friend, a sister. Nothing more. But now…” he chuckled bitterly, “You’ve grown into this confident woman and I can’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t believe in love for such a long time, but now… I’m willing to learn. For you. So do with that whatever you want.”   

Luke’s eyes were now focused on the floor as the tension in the room grew thicker and thicker. Violet had no clue what to say to that. For the first time ever, she was at a loss for words. 

After a few moments, however, she finally managed to gather her racing thoughts. “Yeah, well… You’re a bit late for that. I’m with Marcus now… So...” She reached for the boy’s hand and pulled him along with her as she left the rehearsal space. 

The ride home was quiet, but it gave Violet some time to think. Luke’s words kept repeating themselves in her mind. Over and over again. He actually was in love with her now. He had hurt the other Violet so badly and now he was in love with her parallel self. Unbeknownst to him, of course. 

Marcus stopped the car in front of her house, but it took Violet a few seconds to register that. Once she did, she turned to open the door. 

“Hey,” Marcus tugged at her arm to make her turn around. His eyes searched hers and they were filled with genuine worry. “Are you okay?” 

Violet nodded her head whilst slowly inhaling a deep breath. “I’m okay. It just was a bit intense in there…” she chuckled nervously while he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Okay, I have to run. Got a shift at work, but I’ll come over to yours tonight?” 

“Mmh-hmm, sounds good,” she hummed and managed a smile before kissing his cheek and getting out of the car. Before she disappeared into her house, she took one last glance at him as he drove off. 

She had gotten herself into a pickle and she did not know how to get out of it this time. Marcus was great to her. He was chivalrous, sweet, and listened to her when she needed it. But Luke was… Luke. Yes, he was a handful, and yes he was only Bobby’s old friend, but now that all had changed. He was a rockstar now. He had a way of carrying himself that attracted her to him. His confidence and his passion were on a whole ‘nother level. 

She was going to have to figure it out sooner or later. There wasn’t much time before she would return to her own universe. Or at least, she didn’t think there was much time left. She had no clue what was going to happen or when. But maybe, just maybe, she had to enjoy it while it lasted. Mack it up with Marcus while she could. Figure out how she felt about Luke because clearly, making him fall in love with her wasn’t her unfinished business. There had to be something else… 

Before Violet had even noticed the time, the stumbling and grumbling of someone climbing through her window made her jump. For a moment, her heart beat faster and a lump formed in her throat, thinking this might just be the last of her until she recognized the gorgeous man climbing into her room. 

“We have a front door,” Violet giggled as she got up from her bed to greet him with a kiss on the cheek. 

Marcus grimaced. “I met your father. I don’t think so.” He took her hands in his and pulled her towards the bed, plopping down onto the mattress and pulling her along with him until she was lying on his chest with his arms wrapped around her. 

“Wait –” she lifted her head to look at him. “You met my father?” 

“Yeah, he’s the manager of the supermarket, isn’t he?” 

Violet had no clue what her father’s job was, but she wasn’t surprised to find out he was the manager of the store Marcus worked at. She was going to have to ask the girls so many more questions about her life. Especially since she wasn’t leaving any time soon, it seemed. 

“Right,” she slowly dropped her head to his chest again. 

For a while, she just listened to his steady heartbeat, letting the worries and doubts she had before wash away. His heartbeat felt like a lullaby to her. Something so soothing and familiar that it made her sleepy. 

“Should we talk about what happened earlier?” Marcus questioned, taking away the soothing and familiar feeling. Violet sat up straight and crossed her legs whilst he crawled up as well, leaning against the headboard of her bed. 

“What’s there to talk about? Luke’s an asshole,” Violet shrugged, though, deep down, she felt something else. Something she couldn’t quite place but she knew this wasn’t 100% what she thought. 

Marcus reached out for her hand, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. “Sure, but he confessed his love for you, that has to do something to you, no?” His eyes searched for hers whilst she was focused on her hand in his. “It’s not like we’ve labelled what we are, so it would be totally fine.” 

“It doesn’t matter what he said, Marcus,” Violet mumbled, finally looking up. “I want you, end of story. Luke can do whatever he wants with his stupid feelings. I like you and I wanna be with you. Not him.” Deep down, Violet knew she was lying, but this felt like the right thing to say in the moment. 

“Then you won’t mind if I do this, right?” he asked before slowly leaning in towards Violet. 

A soft smile tugged at her mouth as she, too, started leaning in until their lips met. They went slow, at first. Testing each other’s limits and savoring that first taste before she tilted her head slightly and deepened the kiss. She then moved to straddle his waist, her hands moving to his hair whilst he firmly held her waist. As the heat of the kiss increased, Violet’s hands slid down to the hem of his shirt to then pull the piece of fabric over his head, only breaking the kiss for the slightest second. 

While the room got steamier by the second and pieces of clothing flew about the room along with moans and heaving pants, Violet couldn’t help but think about Luke and what he said earlier. She tried her hardest to stay present and enjoy the moment she was sharing with Marcus, but she couldn’t help it. Her mind was playing tricks on her and she hated it. She absolutely hated it. 

Her mind kept going back and forth from Marcus to Luke and back, and it didn’t stop until Marcus showed her just how skillful his tongue could be. 

Everything Taglist: 

@bonobos-candy-bar-2 @calamitykaty​ @littlemissaddict​ @n0wornever​ @phantompogues​ @praetorofthelegion @sweetpeasturtleneck @wanniiieeee​  @lesko_ @sunsetwilson 

JATP Taglist: 

@90ssunsetcurve @angryknightstatesmantrash @authentic-gillespie @bexxy @bookdealer5 @bright-molina @brooke0297 @bucksmaddie @buckybarnesishot310 @caitsymichelle13 @candycornmgg @catgirlpwr @charliesmountains @cordeliascrown @crybabyddl @echocharm17618 @fangirlangioma @flower-name @frickin-bats @gray_jato @hannahhistorian92 @happinessinthedarkesttimes @headheartbellarke @hemmingsness @iainttakingshitfromnobody @ifilwtmfc @jandthephantoms @jaskiers-sweetkiss @jatp-is-god @joynerxmercer @kaitieskidmore1 @kcd15 @kelpwithawhy @kinda-really-lost @kiss-themoongoodbye @knitsessed @lilostif16 @lookingthroughmirrors @magicalxdaydream @marinettepotterandplagg @musicianspiritsblog @mystic-writings @notasofti @pxperphxntom @rangerelik @rh-girlonfire @ruvaitkevicius @spencerreidwhore @stars-soph @stressyanddepressysimp @sunsetcurvej @talk-on-the-street @tefilovesreading @tenaciousperfectionunknown @teti-menchon0604 @the-hufflepuff-hunter  @thedarkqueenofavalon @cucumbers-and-olives @thequirkybookaholic @threeghostboys  @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic @whitetigerlover17 @boggie-brainrot @wiselight @gigglysokkamcu @nightfurya

Luke/Charlie Taglist: 

@camiladelrio98 @cloudy-skyler @gingerxarmy​ @killerqueenfan @lolychu @lovesanimals @luckylouiebug  @lukeys-giggle​ @myfriendscallmebeans​ @needyreggie​ @perfectlywrongformend3s​ @rachmmb​ @tenaciousperfectionunknown​ @thecharlietomygillespie @whitemanshoe19​ @rottenroyalebooks @sofiamich2022​

Crossed out names are the users I was unable to tag. Please make sure everything in your settings is set so I am allowed to tag you or if you changed your url, please drop me a message/ask!

TAGLIST |  MASTERLIST | PARALLELS MASTERLIST

[sugamoonv]

Eighth Member of BTS

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: None, kinda angsty at first maybe??

Notes: This is kind of implied male reader as BigHit only deals with boy groups but I don’t think I used any pronouns so it should be safe for all genders to read

A.N: I’m back!!! I kind of, maybe, went off a little on this so I’m most likely going to make another part to this. If you guys would rather have it be Poly!BTS or delve in specific members, let me know! Love you!!

You’ve been training with BigHit for a little over a year 

You joined BigHit after they held international auditions and you miraculously made it through all rounds

Moving into the dorms and taking classes/lessons was a huge change from your typical school work/ job

The time you usually gave for school/work drastically decreased so you find yourself constantly busy

Your social life basically reduces to interacting with the others in your dorm and talking to your outside friends when you finally have the time

Being a trainee is stressful and the dorms you and the other trainees live in are small since people are constantly coming and going 

Depending on who you are, you either become comfortable expressing your emotions when having a difficult day, or you wait until everyone is asleep or find places you can get a semblance of privacy

You also have to become comfortable and seeing your roommates handle things

You usually have class in the afternoon and come back to the dorm to change and go to dance lesson and on one particular day, you walked in on your roommate sobbing to his parents over the phone because their voice kept cracking during vocal lessons

Trainee lessons take up the majority of the day so you have to reserve the time between you’re finished and when you fall asleep for assignments/outside studying

This time is usually between 1 and 3 a.m, so constant sleep deprivation becomes normal for you

You become a master at taking naps anywhere and at any time of the day possible

Sleep deprivation doesn’t help anyone manage stress in a healthy way and this has lead to your roommates repeatedly getting into serious arguments over boundaries and personal space

Being one of the older members amongst the trainees, this means that you’re called upon a lot to help settle disputes 

So when BigHit tells you that you’re debuting, you couldn’t be happier to move on 

You’re a little curious as to why BigHit is flying you to Korea before they tell you who the other members in your group are but you’ve learned not to question them

Perhaps the other members in your group are the trainees that live in Korea

By now, BTS is BigHit’s top group and has been debuted for a couple years now and has amassed a large fanbase

After working so hard, BigHit finally gave the members of BTS a couple months off

Though they noticed that after the first month and a half, BTS lost a bit of their momentum

They were still one of the largest performers in the world, but with them being on break and not releasing any music, dances, or videos, media somewhat lost interest and focused their attention on relevant celebrity news

To surpass this and keep BTS’s name trending, they made the executive decision to add another member

BigHit figured this would allow them to do more concepts, would change the dynamic/sound of the group's songs, and would ensure fans came back for their next debute to see who the next member was

BTS was made aware of this change but since they’re about to go on vacation, they don’t put much thought into it at first 

Until Namjoon texts the group, because you start trending number one on twitter with BTS after the announcement and of course Namjoon, is on social media 

Of course, your actual identity isn't revealed to the public

They all message their managers to ask about who you are 

Yoongi stalks all of your social media when they’re given your basic information

Jimin finds your Instagram and he lowkey thinks you’re cute but he’s not about to admit that 

Jungkook and Taehyung talk mad shit about you at first, to be honest 

Well, they don’t specifically talk about you, they’re more so angry at you being added because, in their eyes, there’s no need for a new member

Hoseok begins stressing day one because he doesn’t know how much you’ve been taught about their dances

He’s not really looking forward to the idea of having to teach a new person literally all of BTS’s past dances and work on changing the formations so you fit in

Namjoon and Yoongi are curious as to how BigHit is going to fit you during performances since you would only have parts in recent songs 

Also being the main producers of the group, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok don’t know what you sound like, whether you’ll be added to the rap or vocal line

It's basically a whole mess and everyone has to reconfigure

While BTS is on vacation, you’re actually in Korea learning the dances, in the recording studio, and practicing Korean nonstop

The first time BTS meets you is when they go to the dance studio to learn the new dance for their comeback song

You don’t know the dance either so figuratively, you’re all starting in the same place

You choke up when they first walk in

Namjoon and Jin are respectful to you, knowing that this was BigHit’s decision and they have no reason to hold a grudge against you specifically

Hoseok and Jimin remain professional but you can sense how much you being there stresses them out

Taehyung tries to be civil but you repeatedly catch him giving you dirty looks and rolling his eyes whenever you speak

Jungkook straight up ignores you

Not gonna lie, you’re first day meeting them goes awful 

But you already signed a contract with BigHit and your name was put out since BTS was officially back from vacation so no backing out now

It gets lonely real fast

You’re in a new country, the members of your group already have years of bonding over you, and the apartment you’re placed in is gigantic and extremely quiet compared to the dorms back in your home country

The members ease up a little after hearing and seeing you sing and dance and knowing that you can hold your own

Particularly Hoseok and Jimin, once they see you can keep up with them for the most part, they no longer worry about having to take time out of their day to specifically help you

Though this may also be a curse because Hoseok has a bit of a tendency to be harder upon his fellow members with choreography

You get called out/corrected by him SEVERAL times during practice

It isn’t until a couple weeks in when things start looking up for you

Yoongi had for the most part just focused on what needed to be done for the comeback, worrying about producing and perfecting the choreo himself, so he doesn’t really pay much attention to you

Until Yoongi notices it’s starting to become a pattern where you eat by yourself at one end of the room and he and the other members eat together or pair off

He’s pretty sure there have been a couple nights where you’ve pretended you weren’t hungry or made an excuse to eat alone when Jin or Namjoon politely invite you to eat

Jimin has noticed this too and has lightened up since the first day meeting you, but still keeps his distance

After an already long day working, waking up at 4am, Yoongi specifically makes sure that you can’t escape eating lunch with them

Most of them are too hungry to even try to object, not that they really would as you’ve spent enough time with them that they’re all starting to warm up to you 

Jungkook and Taehyung don’t give you looks as much but they’re still not their boisterous selves when you’re around

Hoseok and Jin are in their own world with their own conversation with Namjoon occasionally adding input when taking small breaks from his phone

Yoongi’s the one that really talks to you while you’re all eating

Jimin is honestly a sweetheart so when he sees Yoongi actually asking about your life, he feels guilty and joins in on the conversation

Yoongi finds that you and him actually have quite a few things to bond over

Jimin’s surprised at how funny you actually are

Once you got comfortable in the conversation, you said a few jokes here and there that made Jimin and whoever else listening at least smiles

Neither Jimin or Jungkook are thrilled at how easy is it for you to make Jimin laugh but the blush on Jimin’s cheeks show he doesn’t care about it nearly as much as Jungkook

If anything, this means more competition for Jungkook as you’re already close in age so he might lose the spot of maknae and now he has one more person to fight for attention with

Namjoon and Jin are honestly the most mature ones in the group so they’ve let go of any grudges they had after the first few days upon meeting you

Namjoon’s happy getting to know you at the pace you’re comfortable at, though for the most part, seeing he has to worry less about how to cover up the tension between you and everyone else, lifts a huge weight off his shoulders

He can make an excuse as to why Jungkook or Taehyung may be quiet and trusts them to not actually let their personal feelings ruin an interview/performance

You find out two months into preparing for the comeback that you’re still not allowed in group photos with everyone

You and the other members are doing a small, unannounced appearance and at the end, took a photo with the interviewer/crew members

That is until your manager pulls you from the photo and keeps you to the side where the camera can’t see you

Your name may have been announced but BigHit wants to keep your identity secret for the most part until the comeback stage

Taehyung can’t help but be drawn back to when he was kept hidden as a secret member and recalls exactly how it felt when he was pulled from photos

With this, Taehyung realizes that you haven’t put out any videos/vlives since joining them even though they all have 

This is the final push it takes for Taehyung’s behavior to change towards you

Instead of sticking with Jungkook, he actually starts seeking you out when you guys have small breaks and joins you and whoever else during meals 

At this point, you’re already on a good basis with everyone else and are closest to Yoongi, Jimin, and oddly Hoseok

Hoseok sort of took you under his wing when one night, you asked him for help with the choreo and eventually delved into how you loved dancing as a child

Hoseok thought it was cute the way your eyes lit on when talking about it and saw a bit of himself in you

On one of the rougher days, Taehyung overhears you crying after repeatedly being barred from photos/appearances with the other members 

Taehyung becomes extremely determined from that day to offer unconditional emotional support

Whenever you’re alone, if no one joins you, Taehyung’s right there by your side

If one of the instructors/producers/managers is harsh with you, Taehyung is there to defend you or make you feel better after

If you’re not allowed to take a photo/video with them, Taehyung makes them ten after to store for when you are officially introduced to ARMY

Jungkook only warms up to you after seeing the other members get close to you

He didn’t tell anyone, but he’s secretly happy that there’s another member that’s the same age as him 

Because honestly, having to constantly live up to the name Golden Maknae, is a lot of pressure

He hopes that with you being there, Army may stop expecting so much of him and he’ll have more room to simply be a person in their 20’s

Only when Jungkook gives you a chance, does he find that you can match his chaotic energy

He invites you to the gym a couple times and ends up having fun

Jungkook also invites himself to your’s and Jin’s mukbangs

Jin began having mukbangs specifically for you because you told him how little food you had tried that he had grown up with and took on as a personal mission to introduce to you Korean cuisine

With you, Jin, and Jungkook all in the same room, things sometimes get out of hand and sometimes noodles may or may not be thrown

Jungkook also discovers that he immensely enjoys picking you up

(Because let's be honest, you probably have a muscle kink like Jimin, at least when it comes to Jungkook)

Namjoon finds it hilarious that Jungkook will just pick you up and walk off with you 

Jimin gets a little jealous but he can’t stay mad at you and Jungkook easily finds a balance between you two

Jin’s just happy that Jungkook leaves him alone now that he’s focused on you

On top of being randomly carried around, you also find that the members have practically no personal boundaries with each other

Sure, if someone is upset or wants to be alone, they’re left alone, but when all in one room, your body is fair game to everyone

There’s a lot more ass slapping then you expected to come along with debuting 

Ass slapping, ass grabbing, ass petting?????

And you weirdly learn that everyone is okay with their crotches being touched/touching others’ crotches

Especially Hoseok and Jungkook

You’re no longer lonely either because someone is always cuddling with you

You walk past Jungkook or Taehyung while they’re sitting and they pull you onto to their lap

Jimin will help you stretch and if you’re not required to rehearse, just stays there

Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jin aren’t as openly needy as the hyung line, but if you all have to fit onto a small couch, they’re more than happy to have you be on their lap or be sitting in very close quarters with you 

Yoongi is the one you thought that didn’t actually like cuddling for some time but he never objects when you wrap your arms around his waist, hug him, or literally crawl on top of him when he’s trying to nap

You even one day as a joke, crawled into Yoongi’s lap while he was working in his studio so that you were chest to chest and you had your legs wrapped around him and he simply kept on working

You stayed in that position for so long and Yoongi becomes extremely quiet when focused that you dozed in and out for some time

When Yoongi decided to call it a night, he had to wake you up and you were incredibly sleepy at that point so he just brought you to his apartment since it was closer and safer than you traveling back to yours alone

Newsflash: Yoongi becomes an incredibly big cuddler when unconscious

By the time you perform your comeback stage, BTS is incredibly whipped for you 

Army first makes you number one on trending news when the music video/dance videos are released and you have a few performances

They all can’t help but notice how much the members of BTS love you in the first big interviews aired

You become integrated into Army culture seemingly overnight

Namjoon will show you memes on twitter where a fan may be calling out how handsy Jungkook was with you last interview

Or memes of Namjoon or Hoseok getting angry at members but when you do something, they’ll automatically let you off the hook and coddle you 

Memes of how you’re just another hot person that Jimin’s collected

You’re shocked that so many fans actually like you and accept you because you were incredibly nervous that  you would become hated for joining the group

Of course, there are still fans that are extremely protective of the boys or simply don’t agree with the group dynamic being changed, and so they come after you

For a little while, BigHit has to up security because some fans are so put off that they actually write you death threats

Hoseok and Jimin are the first ones to help you when you have a panic attack or get overwhelmed by fan presence as Hoseok has had panic attacks and Jimin’s dealt with death threats as well

Taehyung, of course, is quick to help right after them

Taehyung and Jungkook have had bad experiences being chased/mobbed by fans so they always stay close by you in airports/entering buildings/and any other place that attracts large enough groups they need security

Namjoon is incredibly grateful for you joining though, especially after the comeback because you’re able to help with translations for the members that still struggle with English

Jungkook has been dedicating to learning the language and for the most part, doesn’t need your help but he’ll still come to you to practice having conversations in English

Jimin also likes to play this fun game with you, Namjoon, and technically Jungkook since he’s able to translate if he wants, where he’ll say extremely flirty things and watches you and Namjoon squirm for a couple minutes because he knows you can’t translate what he actually said in an interview

Luckily he only does this for interviews that aren’t aired on tv and are made easily rewindable by Army

Yoongi and Hoseok have a field day with Jimin’s game too

Yoongi and Hoseok will just laugh when Jimin says something but once all cameras are off, they’ll repeat Jimin’s pick up lines to you and Namjoon leaving both of you a blushing mess

Yoongi does the same thing too in a way but instead of flirting, he’ll just say something inappropriate

He tries to tell younger Army constantly that things like stealing and dropping out of school are okay

Which huge ass nerd Namjoon quickly cuts him off

Yoongi and Jimin honestly feed into each other while doing this

Sometimes you and Jungkook team up on teasing Hoseok, using complicated English words and laughing when Hoseok pretends to know what you guys are saying even though everyone knows he doesn’t 

Y’all will continue to do this until someone else calls Hoseok out

But it's all in good fun so no one actually gets upset

Overall, you being added to BTS went much better than you were expecting and you’ve grown so close to the boys that none of you can no longer imagine the group having any less than eight members

Permanent Tag List: @eshika0102​ / @detectivebourbon / @omgsuperstarg​ / @luna-xial​ / @strawberry-leche / @yoongiismytruelove​

[harryskalechips]

I really like angst and this is one of my fav concepts so what about anne and gemma not liking y/n and thinking she's a gold digger when is far from being one and actually really loves harry? If u don't wanna write it do u have any fic recs similar to this one😅

I’m sorry I’m so late with replying. I wanted to write you a piece to enjoy. I do have a recommendation that is exactly your request, you probably read it already but here it is if you didn’t. Enjoy!

https://bubblecumhxrry.tumblr.com/post/158488098213/can-you-do-a-blurb-where-gemma-and-anne-dont-like

Word count 2495

“Mum, Gem, this is Y/N, my girlfriend.” Harry smiles as he introduces the unknown girl to his family. Y/N and Harry met back in L.A and after 4 months of dating, Harry thought it would be perfect to bring her to his mum’s house since she’s never been to London before.

“Hello, it’s so nice to meet you!” Y/N smiles widely as she reaches in to give Harry’s family a hug. It felt weird at first since Y/N got the vibe that maybe they didn't want to give her a hug. As she pulled away, she noticed Gemma’s discomfort and the forced smile on Anne’s face. 

“Well, sweetie why won’t Harry show you the room you two will be staying in for the weekend while Gemma and I finish preparing lunch?”

”That’s perfect thank you so much!” Y/N attempts to hide her disappointment as Harry hauls her along behind him as he carries their bags inside his mother’s large home.

“So this isn't my childhood bedroom but it’s been my room since I bought my mum this place.” Harry’s face showed nothing else but warmth as he thought about what this house meant to him. He sets their bags in the corner of the room and sits on his big king bed, opening his legs as an invitation to let Y/N come forward to him. 

After taking off her coat, Y/N doesn’t take another second as she approaches the boy who’s only given her love and affection. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she rests her chin on his brown hair as she looks around his room. There wasn’t a lot of personality going on but she did notice a few personalized items her boyfriend left here from his last stay.

“Are you feeling okay?” Harry mumbles into her stomach as hugs onto her legs. Y/N didn't even want to mention how she felt the disappointment of his family when they first saw her. 

“Did you tell your mom that I would be coming with you today?” Harry pulls away and takes her hands onto his instead.

”If I’m being honest, she only found out yesterday.” Y/N’s eyes widen in shock. 

“Harry!” 

“Baby, it’s alright.” He holds on tighter to her hands. “Look, she’s cool with it. They weren’t expecting you but I didn’t really want them to either.” “Why?”

“I’m scared that they would ask too much about you and judge you base on that.” If it wasn’t obvious before then it was obvious now. Harry wanted Y/N to meet his family despite he knows what they already think of her. The thing about this new relationship blossoming is that it’s still new. And with new things still learning how to grow, there is more of a chance of doubts and fears blocking their view of what truly beautiful can come out of their relationship.

“I think they already don’t like me.” She mumbles as she pulls away from him and sits on his right. 

“Love, don’t say that.” He whispers as he tries to catch her attention. “Look after my relationship with Camille, I was really sad and I turned a bit of an asshole. They probably think I’m not ready but I promise you I am. Y/N, believe me.”

“Okay.” Harry gives her one more kiss before they head downstairs to face the heat. 

“For lunch, I made Harry’s favourite. I hope you don’t mind.” Anne gives a small smile right before sighing and sitting down with the rest of them. Gemma seemed to acknowledge Y/N’s presence but she never showed any interest. As they were eating homemade tacos, Y/N would bring up some of her interests and not once did Anne and Gemma try to learn anything more from her. They would simply just nod and switch the subject back to anyone at the table instead of her’s. 

“Harry, can you go to the supermarket and buy some eggs. I forgot to buy some and I was planning on using them for tomorrow’s breakfast.” Anne sweetly asked as she and Gem cleaned up the table. 

“Yeah. Y/N would you like to come with me?” Harry’s eyes tried to shoot Y/N a message but instead, she saw this as a great opportunity to know more about his family so she ignored her slight discomfort as she shook her head and gave him a farewell kiss. 

“Anyway, I can help you clean up?” Y/N asks Gemma as she watches her stack the plates while Anne goes to the kitchen. 

“Here’s a wet rag, can you just wipe the table?”  Gemma doesn’t even try to stop Y/N from helping, she tosses the rag across the table so Y/N could grab it. “I’m just going to be in the kitchen.” and with that, Gemma is already leaving Y/N by herself. 

The table wasn’t that big nor dirty at all but Y/N made sure to wipe the table until it was pristine. Making her way into the kitchen, she couldn’t help but hear Anne and Gemma speak about her.

“You think Harry’s actually interested in her?” Gemma whispers to her mother as she and her had their backs facing Y/N as they washed the dishes.

“I think she’s a rebound.” Anne disappointedly replies as she rinses their dishes. “She seems like a nice girl but I’m not sure their relationship will last.” This broke Y/N’s heart more. She never told Harry how she felt about them two. Of course, she’s falling in love with him every day but he’s going on tour soon and she knows full well that it wouldn’t work out for them. She always knew they had an expiration date and it stung her a bit more that his family knew it too. 

“She’s not really Harry’s type either.” Gemma shakes her head as she wipes the plate Anne just gave her. “I don’t know, I was talking to Harry a bit and he said she’s a struggling college student. I think she’s just using him for his money.”

“Gemma, don’t speak like that. It’s disrespectful.”

“Mum, I can tell you don’t like her either.” 

“I don’t but it doesn’t matter if Harry loves her then I’ll learn to like her so should you.”

“I don’t think Harry loves her, he’s still talking to Camille.” Y/N’s heart drops completely. It’s one thing to feel disrespected from Harry’s family but from Harry too? Y/N knew he was heartbroken from his past relationship. Why is he still talking to her?” 

Y/N doesn’t take another second as she interrupts their conversation to pass them the rug. “I’m going to be upstairs, I’m not feeling well.” she doesn’t let Gemma or Anne notice her tears as she makes a b line to the stairs. 

Her heart was beating too fast. She felt embarrassed to be in this house. Anne and Gemma see her a gold-digging rebound while Harry hasn’t been that committed to their relationship as she thought he was. He told her when they first met that he was no longer in contact with his ex. She knew he loved her but the least he could do is tell her he started seeing her again. 

Luckily only being here for a couple hours, only a few things were out of her bag. She shoves them in her bag as she looks around Harry’s room one more time. Maybe, this relationship wasn’t meant to be. She knew she had to wait for Harry and tell him that she had to go home. She didn’t want to leave without him knowing. She cared too much about what he thought of her and although she’s mad at him for lying, she wanted to know if he would fight for her. Fight for their relationship. She took her luggage and sat in the living room, wiping away her tears. 

The sound of the front door opening signalled that her boyfriend had finally arrived. She wished they were still in the first stages of their relationship. Where they would stay in each other’s arms for hours without speaking of his fame or her demanding schedule as a working student. But time will always pass and for Y/N, she couldn’t just wait for Harry to pay her bills, she needed to do that herself. 

Anne and Gemma were walking out the kitchen together talking about something else as they greeted Harry at the door. He had a carton of eggs that he bought a few blocks away from their local grocery store. Passing them to his mother, he looked around for Y/N. 

“Where is Y/N?”

“She’s upstairs,” Gemma replies as she watches her little brother blast past her to head upstairs. She was a bit surprised at how Y/N was the first thing on his mind after leaving the house. 

“I’ll put this in the fridge.” Anne walks away as Gemma makes her way into the living room only to catch Harry’s girlfriend sitting on the couch before her. She eyes the luggage and looks at Y/N once again.

“Are you leaving?” Gemma whispers as she and Y/N both hear Harry’s frantic footsteps upstairs. 

“Mum, Where’s Y/N did she leave?!” Harry was running around the house as Anne was shocked about hearing the news. 

“No, I don’t-”

“Harry she’s here!” Gemma yells as she stands in front of Y/N.

“Y/N.” Harry sighs as he looks at her packed bag and her sad eyes. Anne and Gemma look at each other, knowing full well that Y/N heard them talking beforehand. “Can you guys give us some space?” He looks at Y/N with his face full of disappointment. As they both left, he took a seat across Y/N in another chair. “You’re leaving.” Y/N cries again as she can hear the anger from his voice but he didn’t know she was angry too. She doesn’t know what else she can do, she’s hurt.

“Harry.”

“Why?” His voice was cold. It doesn’t seem like he was sad if anything he was masking his emotions really well that made his girlfriend think he doesn’t really care.

“I know you’re still talking to Camille.” She didn’t want to tell him that her mom and sister didn’t like her too. She was scared he would think she’s trying to manipulate him. 

“So?” Harry’s eyes finally meet her in confusion. “I’m just talking to her.”

“You’re still in love with her!” His eyes widen as he stands up to talk to her instead. 

“I’M IN LOVE WITH HER? How many times have I told you that I’m over her!”

“Why are you still talking to her then!” 

“I want to be friends with her!” Harry was now angry at her accusation. Did she really have to leave him too? Because of this? He trusted her to be there for him but when he wants her to meet his family, she’s ready to run out that door. He just doesn't know what’s truly setting her off. How unwelcomed she feels in this house. How the people he loves don’t even want to know about her.

“Harry, I have to go.” She’s standing up and taking the handle of her luggage. This would be the moment Harry should say something but he can’t, nothing can come out. He’s utterly confused about why this girl is walking out of his life after meeting his family. He’s confused about her sudden decision to leave and most importantly, he’s confused why she’s mad about Camille. He knows he doesn’t love Camille and although he doesn’t know if he loves Y/N, he doesn’t want her to feel intimidated about him talking to her again. He never mentioned it to Y/N because…. Because? He doesn’t know? 

Are there still lingering feelings?

Before Y/N walks out the door, she finds Anne and Gemma standing there already while Harry still stood in the living room. “I know you guys don’t like me. I’m sorry.” She tries to not let her voice crack as her arm shakes a bit, dragging along her luggage. “I promise you, I’m not a gold digger and I could care less about Harry’s fame. He’s a sweet boy and I was truly falling in love with him.” She closes her eyes trying to keep herself together. “I’ve never been in love before but this stay here, although it wasn’t a long one, made me realize that maybe H and I aren’t meant to be together.” Y/N doesn’t even try to hug them but she’s already opening the door so she can walk into her uber that she ordered. She tried to stall her time saying goodbye to Anne and Gemma that maybe Harry would interrupt her but he never left that room. 

“I’m sorry sweetie. I never meant for you to hear what we said in the kitchen that was disrespectful of us.” Anne tries to touch her arm to comfort her as Y/N just welcomes it. Gemma looked truly ashamed as she realized that maybe, this girl was different.  She’s been too protective of her brother. She’s seen his heart break too many times and after every girl, he introduced her too, her heart couldn’t help but feel Harry’s pain when they would break up. 

Y/N’s car finally departs just leaving Anne, Gemma, and Harry. The two girls are watching the car leave as Harry finally grows his balls to chase after her. 

“Did she leave?” Harry’s eyes were watery. His anger dissolved as he heard Y/N’s confession. His feet were glued to the floor but once he heard the door slam shut and the car zooming out their driveway, he had to stop her.

“Yeah.” Gemma mumbles. 

“I can’t believe you guys! That’s why she left! She felt like we all didn’t like her! I should’ve told her fuck!”

“Harry, I’m sorry.” Anne tries to reach out to Harry as he pulls away in anger already putting on his boots.

“I have to find her.”

“Harry. You can’t drive in this condition.” His mother tries to warn him. But the only thing Harry could feel is fear. Fear that this girl has already slipped through his fingertips. 

So, the first place he went to was the airport but Heathrow airport will always be busy and he knew he couldn’t find her there. He bought a ticket for the next flight to LA, waiting at the gate to see her but she never arrived. He didn’t know she would stay at a hotel and explore London herself, without him. He didn’t know that when they were both back in LA, she would block his number and avoid him at all costs. He also didn’t know that she would give up on them and move on with her life. 

Part 2