before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.
you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"
and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.
it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.
you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.
in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.
the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.
you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.
after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.
the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.
you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.
2K notes
·
View notes
Stanley's raspy voice surprised Narrator (Grey.) I think he likes it.
⬇ a little bit of background information down below ⬇
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆
This is an AU called Achromatic Loop and IT TAKES PLACE AFTER THEY ESCAPED THE PARABLE!!
When they were still in the Parable, one of the games rules was for the protagonist to be silent in order for the Players inhabiting Stanley's body to self-insert themselves into the story.
The game didn't remove Stanley's voice, but it did change something within Stanley so he had more control over his own voice (-so he doesn't accidentally yelp and scream whenever he's surprised. As for why the game didn't remove Stanley's voice completely is still unknown.)
Since Stanley wasn't allowed to talk, it caused his voice to become a bit hoarse and raspy. Talking for a long time hurts his throat so he prefers to whisper. He likes to drink lots of water because it soothes his throat.
922 notes
·
View notes
If you saw your father die... What would you do?
It seems more susceptible to be standing there and wallowing in grief. Because who are you to join in the fight of the strongest?
If he were any younger Kouki would've been beyond traumatized to see his father in his own pool of blood as the clear crystal relive the thousands of past and future passing through his eyes.
He has always believed his father is the strongest. A man unmoved and undefeated by his own rights. So if he sees the scene of his father's lifeless body, torn apart and mangled by a familiar face, his heart breaks apart into thousands of pieces.
"Kou? Sweetheart?"
You called out from the kitchen only to feel a weight hug your leg, followed by series of inconsolable sobs. Worry immediately overtook your heart to see your son crying without any explanation.
"What's wrong, Sweetheart? Hmmm? What happened?" You kneeled down and held his shoulder, wiping his tears with your thumb. "Shhh, shush dear, what's wrong?"
"P-Papa!" He called out brokenhearted.
"Wh-? Kou... Sweetheart..."
You frown softened and shushed him even more. Your eight years old son was having a trouble articulating his words without remembering the grotesque scene the crystal marble flashed in his eyes.
You gathered him in your arms, hugging him tight while telling him how to breathe and calm himself down. You stroke his head, shushing and assuring him until he slumped to your shoulders and the sobs turned to sniffles.
"Did you see something bad, Sweetheart?" You held Kouki in your arms, his ear pressed against your chest so he could listen to your heartbeat as the two of you sat on the floor, with you cradling his small body in the security of your arms and presence.
"Papa... he was all bloody and..." Kouki hugged your neck. "I don't like it... I want Papa home Mama."
Kouki hid his face in the nook of your neck and asked for a very tight hug which you obliged. Stroking his long silvery lilac locks he inherited from Satoru and the puffy orbs he got from you.
You wish you could do that too. You wish he was home right now. If he's home, then maybe, just maybe things would be easier.
"It's okay, Sweetheart. It's okay..."
The door opened followed by Saika's loud footsteps.
"Mama!"
You looked up to see Satoru peering down at you and Kouki on the floor, confused.
"Hey Baby, what are you doing on the floor with Kikufuku?"
Kouki immediately ran to Satoru's arms prompting his father to kneel down beside you on the floor and gather his son into his strong arms.
"What's wrong Kikufuku? Why's my buddy crying? Mnnn?"
You watch your father and son converse in their own world. Satoru talked with Kouki in his arms, whispering something to the little boy's ears, calming him down and eventually hugging his father's neck, a lot better and calmer.
"Mama, Papa and I bought more plushies for Sunshines! Look, look, we got light blue and royal blue." Saika sat down beside you and put her hand over your growing belly. "You think Sunshines, will like them?" Saika look up to you with hopeful eyes.
You pat her head, kissing the tip of her nose.
"Of course... They will love it, Sweetie." Saika beamed at your reply and animatedly talked to your baby bump.
Kouki had to sleep after the stressful session with his manifesting cursed technique. Saika went to sleep beside her brother too that leaves you and Satoru on your bedroom, in each others arms while a movie is running on the background. Satoru totally spoiled you with the ending so you didn't bother watching it and instead relished on the calming way his hand rub your back and from time to time the soft kisses to your forehead followed by the caress on your baby bump.
"Kouki said..." Satoru started with a sigh. "He saw me dying. On Shibuya... That fight with Sukuna."
A sad smile graced your lips as you snuggled yourself closer to his arms.
"It's so crazy how thousands of possible scenario could happen in one moment..." Satoru kissed your temple. "How I couldn't possibly be here right now with you, if I just made that one wrong decision back then."
"But you didn't. You're here with me, with us Satoru." You cut him off. His idea of possibly losing his life on that tragedy pinched your heart. "You're here at my arms, at our home. That's what matters to me the most. The myriad of possible futures could go and burn down, as long as I get you back home."
Satoru stared at you and slowly nodded. A future without you... It's hard to imagine for him.
"I don't care about the possible futures Satoru... I will find that one possible future out of the millions there is as long as I can have you... I only want the future that has you." You said with conviction, a bit angry for him to think of possibly leaving this world without you.
"Me too Baby... I only want the future with you... and our children." Satoru nods, taking your lips into his soft ones, replacing the bitter imagination with his soft, delicate kisses, filling your mind with his presence and his touch until you forget the memory and override it with his touch and his love.
General/Kaleidoscope Series Taglist: @ice-icebaby @aeanya @gummy-dummy @tender-rosiey @lexiene @nevermoresworld @loml-riri @pelicanpizza @emichou-chan
—Grey,
404 notes
·
View notes