#tango and Cash imagine

[morgandr]

Imagine:

You teaming up with Tango & Cash to take down criminals, and they can’t help but to have a crush on you.

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(NOT MY GIF!)

(Tango & Cash X Reader)

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(TAGS)

[spectator-moon]

My thoughts on Martyn Secret life lore stream (Eyes and Ears AU)

first, Martyn why would you hurt me with that imagery? Poor scar ;-;

-I really like the idea of the logo being the pincer on the Watchers. Grian is a force of nature and should be represented as such

-I am of the personal belief that Jimmy did not break free from the canary curse, since he died right before Wither/Warden boss fight and the entire point of Canarys is to warn of danger

-slightly irralevently but I need to draw the Scar

-BOY do I love the idea of Gem being used as the Watchers new tool because of the Zombie outbreak (send Gem all the love for that skill!!!)

-love Gem being taken by Watchers in general, especially adding in her lore that in Empires she thought everybody was just roleplaying, so she came in thinking it was roleplay and got stuck.

-i also like the idea of Jimmy getting struck down because of the Watchers being confused by his "funeral" and once Lizzy dies, then going "wait no he's supposed to be dead hold on-" and striking him down immediately

-i need more ideas for art. Also references. Please more references proportions are awful

-"if given the right tools, how many seeds of chaos can {Gem} sow, and it turns out, she's a bloody good farmer." Good quote. Make art for quote

-negative emotions being ~spicy~

-martyn being the seperate party in the gang of winners

-the watchers pushed Jimmy off a ledge

-players still having that sense of connections and support (i.e. swapping out) despite being in murder games (also I love the idea that when the Listeners swap out players, the players get a choice, so it's all the much more heartbreaking)

-(personal headcanon that Ren was desperately hoping Martyn would recognize him in Tango's body)

-(personal headcanon that all players start new life series incredibly sore from being tensed as they fall, even though they're unconscious)

-(other personal headcanon that fragmented players i.e. life series players are the only ones who can see the fragments on other servers)

-Speakers maybe being part of a group which works as mercenarys (being paid in whatever currency they use to give players the task of helping each other) (speakers being true neutral)

-y'all imagine the cinematic beauty of the climax I want full animaticssss

-Grian couldn't cash in on success because he either isn't fully in, or because the Watchers are being petty

-the two watchers being the actually evil equivalent of Jesse and James from pokemon

-Grian has emotions about previous series absolutely stunning idea

-like the idea that Winners get to keep their emotions (hence Pearl and Tilly, Grian w/ Scar, etc)

-Fragement lore fragment lore fragment lore

-THE PLAYERS ALL HAVE FRAGMENTS AND I NEED TO CHECK THE POST WHERE EVERYONE PUT THEIR IDEAS FOR PLACES

-Martyn is furry (fragment dog collar) (very not serious)

-fragments appear as important moments from lore? (Can Scar just have a big ol' one where he got punched in the face by Grian from third life?) (I know they don't appear because final death but it was a generator of so much angst)

-autocorrect my beloathed. (Grian ≠ Groan)

-sometimes fragments become scars, and everybody gets confused because "this moment wasn't important I have no emotional attachment to this moment why is there a scar?"

-PLAYERS CANNOT REMEMBER THE EMOTION GOBBLING AND ARE JUST GENERALLY CONFUSED WHEN THEY HAVE AN EMOTIONAL REACTION TO SOMETHING SOMEBODY SAYS

-headcanon that the Watchers do a real shoddy job at emotion gobbling and often leave the memory, which can prompt an emotional reaction. Also, Watchers actively ignore certain negative moments in favour of those spawning more negative emotions (like a cobblestone generator but for negative emotions)

-datastream Martyn??? Please explain I have not the time to watch all the vods

-eeeee winner theory!!!!!

-we love Villain scar

-PEOPLE CAN SHATTER IF THEYRE TOO FRAGMENTED OH MY GODS PLEASE FANART AND FICS

-so wait if they get to watch how it ends does that mean they had to sit and watch Scar go insane???? That makes that sadder

-so without any knowledge of Datastream Martyn, can I suggest that mayhaps datastream means that literally Martyn leaps between worlds by moving through the literal data stream? I have seen references to a Doc, so maybe he and Martyn were experimenting and Martyn got stuck? I know something happened to Doc, probably bad given that the reference was 'yes the red stuff was definitely ketchup', so was it because of the knowledge he has gained? Again, never seen any data stream so take all of this with a grain of salt. I just like analysing stories and have read enough to be able to pick out plotlines fairly well.

-oooh lore comic i want to read that

-Secret Keeper is Watchers putting on a trench coat and going "yes yes no watchers here yes yes"

-imagine how invasive it would be to spawn in and just KNOW the rules, with no background for why or how you have that information. Boy that could be a cesspit for angst. Imagine the panic of that inserted information. (Grian has to calm somebody down fic???)

-new lore enjoyer, but I love this already.

-making a proper movie with this concept would be AMAZING

-players were kidnapped lmao

-Scott having that forewarning for Jimmy and Scar is a funny thought

-Listeners are oldest children fighting their middle siblings (Watchers) because Mom and Dad will blame them for the poor player hurt

Making a part two because this is so long already

[seancamerons]

i am sooooooooooooooooooooo glad finally the world is seeing what scum justin is. he profitted off slandering women. multiple women. unfaithful, scummy, cultural appropriating and made a career off of ripping off michael jackson. the beatboxin', the improvizational vocal styling, the layered tracks, the dancing, the slandering his 'crazy' exes, the luxury he must've had.

must be nice. what a little cry baby bitch boy. what goes around comes around, like it's a friggin boomerang. ew. it takes two to tango, you're the one with the victim mentality. a class act, and i mean that in the most downright low down way i can muster. he is horrible. the absolute worst. he did the women in his life so dirty, it's never his fault, god forbid. pathetic.

boo fuckin' hoo, your anniverary was interrupted by your own dirty laundry, so what? what else is new, besides the fact you slandered britney. you threw janet and her 20 year (at the time) career under a bus. idk what he else he did, but he also cheated on jessica "let's evolve" biel, but that's not about her but, bold words for someone who took back their scoundrel, cheating ex boyfriend who cheated on her. i guess she likes sloppy seconds, they seem like they're so great. must be nice, once again. even if he has the upper hand, or control of the narrative or had it for, oh wait, oh about 20 years.

you know what the ex, the puppy love turned real, your childhood love, arguably the once 'love of his fucking life', in a romantic sense best friend, the girl jt was so into that he apparently was about to give her his name, and you do her dirty? dude, you can be so dumb, sure it was a sly dick move, but damn. that says way more about him that it be about her. life hands you lemons, you blame others and squeeze the juice in their wounds, liar liar liar.

so justin, while britney nursed a broken heart and had to grapple with a decision you issued this 'ultimatium' whatever, you didn't say you were gonna be respectful? i imagine they probably talked beyond the text to be like, whatever it's done closure for the pair, par for the course. when you were the first to be cruel, you were the aggressor, you were the liar, you weaved this narrative that it was ALL her. remember this, there's not a relationship with you, there's the other half, who should be your 'better' half, who was miles humble and sweet compared to him.

not to be all will smith or nothin' but keep her name out your fucking mouth if you have nothing good to say, that goes for everyone. like who are people who don't work, have retail, food service, regular people jobs with regular people problems, middle class judging a woman who makes money when she shits, sleeps, eats, dances and posts videos on instgram. why is it such a thing as to have silence in the peanut gallery in regards. "it would never happen to anyone" sure, jan. keep sippin't he coolade. cool.

so weird flex, idk. i'm glad i never bought into "big bad britney" the worst girl, the delinquent deviant, the seductress Jezabelle manipulator, evil woman, ice, stone what have them, there's always gonna be haters, but like f that. I'm on the right side here, not that it's a contest, race, spill tea, money grab whatever. idc who you are, but britney should be referred to as someone who isn't a tabloid joke, but a survivor with resilience and humility and someone who had unrealistic sometimes or big dreams but never really gave up completely even if times were shitty. she always had things to live for, and to do, but some f the things she endured were totally beyond her control.

she was very much chewed up and spit out. adored and then hated, and all the people going, "oh i had no idea, i feel so bad" i really think it comes too little too late, because for years i always assumed there was a lot we didn't know, and that wasn't really anyone, especially her family who treat her like a prized racehorse or cash cow, and not a human.

for 13 years, almost 15 years, she was a second-class citizen in her own home, a literal prisoner, she had zero say in anything. she couldn't drive or vote for a president/elected official. she was unjustly put under a hold that turned into a little over quarter of a decade imprisoned, her civil rights were infringed upon. yes that is something to share that must burden her, sometimes the truth is something that will set her free. her speaking i believe, equates to her healing. i know i said i wouldn't say things about this until i finished up the woman in me memoir, but i can't keep this from coming out.

it's just for once, this girl can catch a break and do what she loves. she speaks very candidly on her fans who she appreciates even at her lowest point, even if she wasn't necessarily 'running the show', she still had personality, passion and intensity that will keep her 'youthful' in the eyes of the world forever. her legacy is so strong, and i hate that it'd been marred by lies for years. slanderous, sensationalized journalism and south park, punch lines, digs, and general biased hate from other fans of pop (tbh all genres) music and more. if beyonce did any of the things briney did they'd (general public) turn their back too or they'd fight for her just as strong as barmy/fandoms related to britney spears/fans of other artists. some artists could get away with literal killing or unaliving someone, and britney would be like going to prison or some mental hospital for LIFE locked up till the 12th of never to be released and her family would assume control and she would die in literal captivity. people act like jamie was looking for brit's

his meal ticket, of course. of course she's married this guy who (i will say he takes care of mostly if not all of his multiple children with more than one mother, not that there's anything wrong with having biracial or even children who are from different mothers. out of his idk how many kids, he has 2 children with britney from when they were married for roughly three years who don't speak to her because they'd been fed this narrative for so long they see no different. federline literally implies she's nuts, so she's not credible so people find her narrative to be false, or use the rhetoric she has mental illness, while that could be something, if she didn't have dementia or some schizoaffective or bipolar diagnosis, well well, she might have some horrible version of post-traumatic stress disorder. everything i'd expected and even things i didn't know or weren't confirmed officially at any time are being corroborated like i didn't want to be right, but i was so on it and everyone thinks she's crazy, and gaslit, enabled this farce of a conservatorship, she needed to be taught how to be an adult, and her family mainly jamie failed her by making every decision for 13 years for her.

i was also ranting that, what kind of crappy luck to have a sister like who ignored her pleas, saw her struggle, and didn't do shit to help her, but freely went on dancing with the stars, the special corps for money grabs, looks so desperate.

she (jamie lynn) wouldn't even be a name out here if she didn't have a sister who was like it or not, britney spears. similar to the plight of ashlee simpson (jessica was the more 'famous' popstar sister, famously had a reality show with her ex-husband nick lachey in 2003 until 2005 or so which the show seemed to seemingly caused them to split by late 2005/2006) , nick & aaron carter (he was the 'kid' brother of one of the lead singers of the backstreet boys, famously dated paris hitlon, was accused by a former girllbander from the girlgroup in 2000-2001 dream.) if my sis was being talked neg about or was being infringed of her citizens rights, i rest my case. i'd go the f off!

i mean let's be serious for a sec, there was so much SO MUCH animosity and jealousy and "living in the shadow" or being "less famous" or too young to remember when things were normal in their families. ashlee simpson famously had a song called 'shadow' (Autobiography, 2004) not to be confused britney spears' "shadow" (In the Zone, 2003)

i do not sympathize with her. in wise the words of mean girl janis ian. listen up.

As Janis Ian once said, "There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it."

[memryse]

3L season 4 team up predictions

we will finally see grian and bigb team up [copium]. they r either the healthiest dynamic on the server or they kill each other session 5. actually Who am I kidding. Grian doesn’t have a healthy relationship bone in his whole body. Betrayal for everyone, he dies alone.

martyn pearl scar violense trio, kill at least grian and bdubs. desert duo is dead as fuck. martyn-grian parallels going strong as violense trio splits the same way grianb does; betrayal. Martyn also dies alone!!! killed by pearl as revenge for scar.

cletho again [COPE] they die together <3

bdubs with ren. wholesome peaceful domestic vibes until they turn green -> red in one episode and kill three people. BONUS POINTS if it’s revenge killing for each other

mumbo comes back [COPIUM] and gets married to scott [COPIUM]

tango and jimmy team again [COPE]. tango kills mumbo/scott. jimmy does not care [FLOWER HUSBANDS IS FUCKING DEAD./hj]

if even one of these is right all of trafficblr owes me €1,000,000,000 cash.

oh these are based im pretty sure the previous three series have all just been the greatest grian and bigb slowburn ever. But it will still end in tragedy for them yes nods grian dies alone and bigb is perhaps equally as cringefail as jimmy is. theyre doomed

martyn pearl scar i think would end in scar betraying them because he just has the betrayal instinct.it came free with the capitalism. pearl would stay loyal bc betrayal is really not her style, i think if they were to be driven apart it’d be because of some kind of misunderstanding or someone driving them apart on purpose rather than pearl actually deliberately betraying martyn

YES FOR CLETHO <3 i love it when men are terrified of women. Keep it up. Thats all i have to say on this one

i am however going to hit team rancher with my dead duos beam also sorry </3 but only because i like my jimmys sopping wet and miserable and also i think bdubs and ren would be an even funnier combination if you add tango into the mix. Theyre domestic but also they are biting you biting you biting you biti

and yes strongly agree we need scott and mumbo to get married. Mumbo gets the worst of the “hardcore turns my mcyts gay for survival” effect and he deserves someone who’ll queerbait with him properly. Joel is also in here somewhere

Jimmy i think it would be really funny if he had his own little loser shack again like when he got exiled in LL but also lizzie and skizz will be coming back. Right. Right. i want imp and skizz duo at long last and i want to see how quickly a seablings alliance would fail theyre both so. They want to be violent so badly but theyre just so not good at it But imagine if they were <333

[envelopedbyoblivion]

Would you be interested in receiving any Highwayman Spotify playlists?? This fic has not left my mind since I read it and almost everyday recently, during my long commute, i’ve been adding songs that remind me of them. The playlist isn’t close to being finished rn but it’s definitely growing and i can’t stop wondering if what i’m headcannoning is anything close to what your imagine for them??? Do you have any official songs you cannon for Tango and Jimmy??? Id really love to add them and see if they align with everything so far!!

Also I live in rural Texas too so there’s a good amount of cowboy inspiration on my playlists with Appalachian Folk/Old Country (hope that’s ok… so many people lately love the cowboy aesthetic but can’t stand cowboy music 😭) Currently the top two artists are Colter Wall and Hozier (not country but you KNOW it’s on there). Either way, I wanted to let you know that this fic has absolutely blessed my life and i’ve spent a lot of my free time this month thinking about the way fate, love, and trust were represented in it (also really thinking through the things about tango i really identified with and why that might be… which has been fun to bring up in therapy lol- Jeffrey HAS heard the whole premise of your fic and i HAVE read lines of it to him 😅).

I mean i love every rancher duo fic i can get my hands on, but none have stayed in my heart this long. You’re a truly phenomenal writer and I refresh your page often to see what else you’ve been releasing. Tysm! And i hope u have a really great week!! <3

-Charlie 🌻

I would love to see the playlist!!! I love hearing what people take away from my fics, be it art or music or just rambling in the comments. Thank you for the kind words 🥺 I’m so glad you enjoyed it!! :D

It’s awesome that my work has stuck with you; it’s the best thing in the world as an author to know your work means something to someone. <3

Also, as far as songs go, I always associate Jimmy with “Always Gold” by Radical Face. The concept of always waiting for someone to come back, and always letting them in. <3

Edit: and “Desperado” by Johnny Cash. A criminal who’s trapped by the illusion of freedom.

[themovieblogonline]

Hollywood Hookup: Sony Crashes the Paramount-Skydance Party

Hold onto your popcorn! Paramount Pictures, the studio that brought us blockbuster franchises like "Top Gun" and the undersea pineapple dweller "SpongeBob SquarePants," is in the midst of a major plot twist. While Paramount and Skydance were busy whispering sweet nothings about a possible merger, Sony Pictures Entertainment just swooped in with a surprise proposal. That's right, folks. Sony, the tech giant behind your PlayStation and your favorite superhero flicks (think "Spider-Man"), is teaming up with investment firm Apollo Global Management to potentially buy Paramount. This unexpected move throws a wrench into the Paramount-Skydance tango, which already had some investors grumbling. Here's the down-low: Sony and Apollo haven't exactly popped the question yet. Paramount is still playing the field, keeping its options open with Skydance. But Sony's offer is an all-cash deal, which might be hard for Paramount to resist. Imagine, Paramount becoming a subsidiary of the Sony empire, its marketing and distribution muscle merging with Sony's powerhouse. Things get a little murky when it comes to CBS, Paramount's prized possession, and its cable channels. How they'd fit into this potential Sony-Paramount mashup is anyone's guess. On the other hand, the Skydance deal offered some tech and animation expertise, courtesy of David Ellison's crew (including Pixar's former honcho John Lasseter). Their plan was to streamline operations and beef up Paramount's streaming service. So, what does this studio showdown mean for you, the moviegoer? If Sony wins Paramount's heart, it could create a media behemoth. Think of it as a colossal company controlling a treasure trove of TV channels and movie studios. But fear not, Sony's CEO has experience handling both TV and movie productions. This whole Paramount bidding war is just getting started, and it'll be interesting to see who gets the final rose. Stay tuned, movie fans, because the drama is far from over! Source: New York Times https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17GqfA3JmSY

[nathank77]

4/6/24

10:04 p.m edited 10:34 p.m

Idk If it was you, I stopped my stream around 27 minutes in.

I put my glasses on when I saw the viewer go to 1 just incase it was the girl of my dreams.

It may not have been you. Idk. I question everything I think bc of psychosis when it comes to things that I can't prove factually.

All I know is I made that post about what was public on your fb and you put back up the family reunion photo. The part of me that has accepted the label of crazy or psychotic, is like you had a visual hallucination and it occluded it before the post.

The other part of me is like stop labeling yourself, maybe Elise didn't show up on my stream. I don't know.. but you didn't have a visual hallucination that occluded the family reunion photo and she really is here.

If you're here being how personal my blog is, I can't imagine you aren't in love with me. I mean of course you could be a concerned caring friend but-I mean I talk about hsv2 potentially being a diagnosis, I post almost naked photos, I talked about that dream I had where we made love, etc.

Why would a caring friend who feels bad for me subject herself to reading my personal diary? Especially every single word.

I do think you're here Elise and I'm not asking you to do the things I asked you to do in that post where I wanted direct answers. I understand why you don't want to. Especially if you've been here longer than since February...

I doubt that, but I remember seeing your following go up and down and your link being posted and removed when I was in Andover and Southbury... I chalk that up to visual hallucinations before I got full on psychosis...

But you very well may have been here since like June.

All I know is I believe you've been here since February 2024.

I still question my sanity bc sure my brain could have went you posted that and now you can see the family reunion photo but I'm not really someone who has visual hallucinations enough at this point in time.. that I'm aware of... I see black specks in my vision when I take my glasses off but that very well may be bc I need my glasses...

I did feel like I felt you on my stream, I put on my glasses all awkwardly for a reason but... idk... I can't go off a feeling. I can only go by what I see with my eyes....

I see you put up the family reunion photo within a hour of my post. I want to trust my eyes.

If you're here I know you love me. I hope you go to the Southbury Tango. I'm going to be incredibly awkward. I'll wear my glasses just incase you're here and you do show up.

I got to organize my finances bc of the cost to get in..... and I got to give you at least a week so you can arrange your life.

Tbh I'm considering using my 30$ in kohls cash that expires in like 10 days to buy more boxers. I could get 12 more pairs and 6 pairs of socks for like 160$. I won't need boxers for a long time but I got to make sure I can swing it, bc I'm at 250$ on my creditline and I'm up to 100 on a different one and I got to make high payments for the next 4 months to not accrue any interest.

I also have to determine how much it'll cost me in gas to get to Southbury.... idk if you'd show up and I'd only go once. I may even give you two weeks bc you're a Mom...

It's on meet up, and you have to rsvp I believe. I want to find you Elise. Idk how but I can't just show up places without having intentions like a dance class or a singles event or a hike...

So yea I do believe you're here and I can't wait 2 more years. I'd legit do anything to see you but stalk you or force you to see me.

I hope I'm right that you need to run into me somewhere. I hope that when I register for the Southbury Tango meet up you do too even if you show up in the driveway and step out of your car and I lose my money... it would be worth every penny to be able to look into those beautiful blue eyes again.

Anyways. I'll keep you updated. I don't expect you to go and idk what car you drive. I feel like it was a blue Subaru but idk. I know you told me. My memory is impaired from microsleeping and psychosis....I still remember all our moments though and what you told me about your life.

You'd have to step out of the car if you didn't actually register to attend. I don't know what you drive.... but yea.. I'm going to stop talking now.

Maybe you are just a concerned friend. Somehow I doubt that. Somehow I think you're my soulmate and we are like star crossed lovers..

Except we don't have to be star crossed lovers. We dont need to be kept apart. I meant it when I said, we can be friends first, we don't have to talk about tumblr or Instagram or any of it.

I'd want to build a strong friendship with you and grow into a beautiful relationship. I'd like to watch us grow and get married. Starting at friendship is important. I always valued that. Anyways I love you girl, and I'm sorry if I'm wrong about everything but I think I'm right.

[my-weird-news]

Shocking Secrets Behind The Blind Side Drama!

The Blind Side Shake-Up: When "Big Mike" Pops the Hollywood Balloon 🎈 Oh, sweet nostalgia! Remember that tearjerker "The Blind Side" from way back in 2009? 🎬 It was like a cinematic comfort meal with a side of warm fuzzies and a sprinkle of Sandra Bullock's award-winning pizzazz. The plot followed a white family on a mission to rescue "Big Mike," a homeless teen with a heart as big as his nickname, from the mean streets of Memphis. I mean, who doesn't want to hug the screen and adopt the entire universe after that? But hold your horses, because life isn't always a Hollywood daydream. In fact, it can be messier than a squirrel's stash of acorns. 🍿 Cue the dramatic background music! So, "The Blind Side" wasn't just a movie; it was supposedly inspired by real events. A heartwarming, feel-good true story. But guess what? Reality decided to take a detour through the wacky tunnel of creative liberties. Michael Oher, the flesh-and-blood "Big Mike," has barged onto the scene like a linebacker on a mission. 🏈 He's throwing shade at the whole "rescued by a loving white family" narrative. Turns out, that's about as real as a unicorn parade in tutus. Oher's unleashed a 14-page manifesto that's juicier than a telenovela plot. Word on the street? He wasn't adopted at all. Nope, instead, he was lured into the mysterious realm of a conservatorship. Ever heard of that? Neither had he, until it landed on him like a surprise cake in a pitch-black room. "But what's a conservatorship?" you ask. Well, it's like a legal carnival where someone else gets to steer your life and wallet. Typically, it's reserved for folks who've had a few too many knocks to the noggin or are as lost as a sock in the Bermuda Triangle. Oher, though? He seemed pretty capable of adulting, yet there he was, trapped in the conservatorship maze. Apparently, Oher's autograph was in demand like hotcakes at a pancake festival. He claims he didn't even realize he was signing off his life story. Imagine waking up one morning to find out you've been starring in a movie about yourself without even getting a popcorn share. 🤯 But wait, the drama train's got more cars. The Tuohy family, those supposed movie heroes, are smack in the middle of this tornado. They're defending their innocence quicker than you can say "twist of fate." Their argument? They were just extending a helping hand to poor Oher, and that conservatorship? Oh, that was like a giant financial bear hug. 💰 Here's the kicker: Oher wants his slice of the movie's cash pie, like a kid demanding a refund for mystery meat in the cafeteria. And don't forget the alleged blackmail whispers – Oher's been accused of planning to smear the Tuohys' reputation like an unruly ketchup stain on a white shirt. Hold onto your hats, folks! A Hollywood lawyer, the same guy who's tangoed with Lizzo and Bill Cosby, has joined the spectacle. Marty Singer's probably got a special ringtone for llama drama moments. 🦙📞 While the legal showdown is heating up, the true casualty here seems to be the very essence of "The Blind Side" tale. What was once an underdog triumph now feels like a topsy-turvy sitcom episode with mix-ups, secret contracts, and enough drama to fuel a reality TV marathon. 🍿📺 So, next time you're snuggled up, shedding tears over a touching flick, remember: behind every heart-tugger could be a real-life plot twist worth its own sequel. Just grab some popcorn, relax, and savor the show, because reality's script doesn't come with edits or a guarantee of a happily-ever-after. 🍿🎥🎭 #BlindSideBursts# The Blind Side Shake-Up: When "Big Mike" Pops the Hollywood Balloon 🎈 Oh, sweet nostalgia! Remember that tearjerker "The Blind Side" from way back in 2009? 🎬 It was like a cinematic comfort meal with a side of warm fuzzies and a sprinkle of Sandra Bullock's award-winning pizzazz. The plot followed a white family on a mission to rescue "Big Mike," a homeless teen with a heart as big as his nickname, from the mean streets of Memphis. I mean, who doesn't want to hug the screen and adopt the entire universe after that? But hold your horses, because life isn't always a Hollywood daydream. In fact, it can be messier than a squirrel's stash of acorns. 🍿 Cue the dramatic background music! So, "The Blind Side" wasn't just a movie; it was supposedly inspired by real events. A heartwarming, feel-good true story. But guess what? Reality decided to take a detour through the wacky tunnel of creative liberties. Michael Oher, the flesh-and-blood "Big Mike," has barged onto the scene like a linebacker on a mission. 🏈 He's throwing shade at the whole "rescued by a loving white family" narrative. Turns out, that's about as real as a unicorn parade in tutus. Oher's unleashed a 14-page manifesto that's juicier than a telenovela plot. Word on the street? He wasn't adopted at all. Nope, instead, he was lured into the mysterious realm of a conservatorship. Ever heard of that? Neither had he, until it landed on him like a surprise cake in a pitch-black room. "But what's a conservatorship?" you ask. Well, it's like a legal carnival where someone else gets to steer your life and wallet. Typically, it's reserved for folks who've had a few too many knocks to the noggin or are as lost as a sock in the Bermuda Triangle. Oher, though? He seemed pretty capable of adulting, yet there he was, trapped in the conservatorship maze. Apparently, Oher's autograph was in demand like hotcakes at a pancake festival. He claims he didn't even realize he was signing off his life story. Imagine waking up one morning to find out you've been starring in a movie about yourself without even getting a popcorn share. 🤯 But wait, the drama train's got more cars. The Tuohy family, those supposed movie heroes, are smack in the middle of this tornado. They're defending their innocence quicker than you can say "twist of fate." Their argument? They were just extending a helping hand to poor Oher, and that conservatorship? Oh, that was like a giant financial bear hug. 💰 Here's the kicker: Oher wants his slice of the movie's cash pie, like a kid demanding a refund for mystery meat in the cafeteria. And don't forget the alleged blackmail whispers – Oher's been accused of planning to smear the Tuohys' reputation like an unruly ketchup stain on a white shirt. Hold onto your hats, folks! A Hollywood lawyer, the same guy who's tangoed with Lizzo and Bill Cosby, has joined the spectacle. Marty Singer's probably got a special ringtone for llama drama moments. 🦙📞 While the legal showdown is heating up, the true casualty here seems to be the very essence of "The Blind Side" tale. What was once an underdog triumph now feels like a topsy-turvy sitcom episode with mix-ups, secret contracts, and enough drama to fuel a reality TV marathon. 🍿📺 So, next time you're snuggled up, shedding tears over a touching flick, remember: behind every heart-tugger could be a real-life plot twist worth its own sequel. Just grab some popcorn, relax, and savor the show, because reality's script doesn't come with edits or a guarantee of a happily-ever-after. 🍿🎥🎭 #BlindSideBursts Read the full article

[one-boring-person]

H'okay I gotta bite. From the friends-to-enemies-to-lovers prompt, would you please do #5 with one of our favorite smart asses: Gabriel Cash? I was going to ask for Snake but after seeing 'Guilty as Charged' I *LOVE* how you write him!

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it! And thanks for the request, I enjoyed writing it, though I'm really sorry that it took so long :/

We Make A Good Team.

Gabe Cash (Tango and Cash) x reader

Warnings: swearing, mention of gun violence

Masterlist

"Sorry, can I just…" A pair of hands suddenly grip my waist and pull me to the side, away from my position by the corner, the familiar voice sending a wave of irritation through me as I hear it.

Stumbling to stand beside the newcomer, I glare at him as he takes my place, drawing a gun from his belt as he presses himself back against the grimy bricks, peeking round the corner.

"Cash, get the hell out of my way!" I hiss at him, grabbing his arm to pull him back.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Gabe turns briefly to look at me, his hair whipping into my face from our accidental proximity. 

"Come on, Cash. You know playing deaf doesn't suit you." I retort, still pulling at his arm.

"Really? Because it sure as hell looks like you're enjoying it." He sends a pointed glance at my hand on his sleeve, "See, you're already trying to take my clothes off."

Snapping my hand back to my body, I make a sound of disgust, blushing angrily as he smirks at me and turns back around, peering round into the darkened street.

With an angry scowl, I turn back to face the rest of the team of armed police behind us, locating my captain quickly.

"Why the hell is he on my case, sir?!" I growl, gesturing back to the blonde beside me.

"Hey, hey! "He" has a name, you know." Gabe interrupts, "And who said it's your case? Last I checked, there's a whole crowd here."

"What, you think you should go in solo?" I scoff, barely looking at him, "I've been on this case for a week now, so it's mine. I call the shots, so fuck off!" 

"Actually, (Y/n), I called him in." My captain says from the back of the group, sending me a stern look as I set my jaw.

"But why?" 

"Because, babe, there's no way you're gonna pull this off without me." Gabe smirks, before he suddenly steps out from behind the corner, yelling out to the criminals I'm trying to convict.

"Cash! You fucker!" I bite out after him, following swiftly with my gun raised, knowing I'll probably need it now.

Falling in beside him, I take up a position to his right, inadvertently reverting back to old habits I built up years before, weapon aimed slightly to the side as I keep half an eye on the surroundings as well as the scene before us. Noticing me there, Gabe shoots me a quick grin, winking as he sees me realise what I've done, looking back as I make a face of disgust and move into a different place, scowling to myself. Observing the scene before me, I change my aim as I figure out that there's no way we'll be snuck up on - the gangs (all three) are there in their entirety. Swallowing, I signal to the squad behind us to move in, thankful for the forethought of bringing in more help from the armed cops. It's not long before they're all in position, both the ones behind us and on the roofs around, as well as those at the other end of the alley. 

"Put your weapons down, you're surrounded! Nobody needs to get hurt, but if you don't do what I say, someone will!" I call out to the gathered gang members before Cash can get a word in, eyeing them all warily.

Nothing happens, the whole alley remaining still and silent, almost eerie as we stare at each other, guns aimed at one another. It takes a full minute for the tension to be broken.

"You think she's joking? Listen, guys, I've seen her angry and trust me, it's not pretty. Just drop the weapons, and none of us have to see her go batshit! Everyone wins!" Gabe finally shouts to the gangs, nodding towards me with a knowing look. 

Annoyed, I glance at him, glaring as he winks at me again, finding his relaxed approach infuriating. Across from us, the gang members look at each other in confusion, as if debating whether or not to follow our instruction 

"Look, guys, it's really not that hard. Just do what she says!" Cash tries again, cocking his gun ominously.

"Drop your weapons!" I follow up, adjusting my grip on my gun, "Drop them and step back, hands in the air!"

As the threat of the situation finally sinks in for them all, many of the gangsters gradually place their weapons down, surrendering themselves even as their compatriots curse them out, pointing their guns at them. It doesn't take long, however, for them all to see sense, especially as the armed police move forwards to start making the arrests. 

With a triumphant grin, Gabe turns to me and holsters his gun, lifting an eyebrow at my vexed expression as he goes to move past.

"Way to go, team!" He comments as he steps past me, bumping my shoulder with his.

Flipping him off, I go to help the others, ignoring him.

*

It's already half ten by the time I finish writing the report, my hand aching from the continuous movement - my captain has always preferred handwritten files for some reason, so I often spend hours writing up days and days worth of case notes. Even so, as I walk over to the door to the captain's office, I can't help but feel a little satisfied by the completed wad of paper, holding it carefully so that it doesn't get damaged at all. 

Naturally, the captain isn't in at this time of night, so I push open his door and go to the desk, dropping the file by his keyboard with a final thunk, glad to be rid of the burden. Without further ado, I leave the room, heading to my office again to grab my things, only to realise I have yet to sort out the conviction forms for the gangsters we picked up earlier, a job that will take me a good hour or so alone. Sighing, I take up the pile of papers, shuffling through them with a tired carelessness, moving back out into the corridor with them. 

This time, I make my way over to the communal area, intending to make myself a cup of coffee so that I'll at least be able to stay awake whilst I fill these in. As I enter though, I fail to notice the figure sat in the corner.

"Babe, it is way too late to be drinking coffee. You should try a beer." Gabe's voice sounds almost as tired as I feel, though I can't quite see why, as it's highly unlikely that he's done any paperwork in the last four hours.

His words startle me, making me jump and drop my cup to the counter top with a loud clatter.

"Fuck, Cash! You scared the shit outta me!" I curse, pressing a hand to my chest as I catch my breath.

"Sorry, sweetheart. Thought you'd seen me." The detective apologises, lifting his beer up to his lips.

"S'fine." I mumble, turning to the fridge in search of a drink, "I need something stronger than a beer."

"Stronger?" Gabe lifts an eyebrow.

"Yeah. But I'll take a beer...I ran out of scotch a few days ago." 

"Scotch? You take that shit to work?" His other eyebrow joins the first.

Shooting him a tired smirk, I grab a beer and join him at the table, dropping the papers down in a messy heap.

"I usually do." I reply, cracking the beer open on the edge of the table, "As I said, I drank it all."

"Damn, girl, didn't realise work got you so stressed." He remarks, toasting me as I lift my drink to my lips.

I shrug, taking out my pen to fill some of the forms in, writing in the date, charges and signing the bottom. 

"Why don't you just leave that for someone else to do? Or wait until tomorrow? They're not going anywhere." Gabe asks after a while, having watched me in silence, the longest we've gone without arguing in a long time.

"Because," I sigh, glancing up at him, "I actually stick to my deadlines. This needs to be done by tomorrow."

He clicks his tongue, rolling his eyes as he reaches across, pinching the end of my pen.

"The captain isn't going to expect you to have written a whole report, plus thirty of those fuckers. You're not a machine, you need a rest." The blonde says to me, clear blue eyes fixed on mine, genuine care written into his expression.

"No, Cash-" I try to argue, only to be cut off as he takes my pen from me and stands from the table, coming round to my side.

"Yes, you're going to listen to me for once." He orders, almost sternly, helping me from my chair as I protest a little, unused to the friendly way he's behaving around me.

Shushing me, Gabe leads me over to the sofa at the far end of the break room, sitting me down before taking his place at the other side, which isn't so far given the small stature of the piece of furniture. Our legs are touching from our close proximity, but I'm too tired to do anything about it, simply enjoying his company instead, something I never thought would happen again.

"You know, (Y/n), we still make a good team." He murmurs after a minute or so, drinking from his beer as I turn my head to look at him.

"I guess so." I agree, thinking back to the arrest earlier today, as well as a few earlier on in our careers. Back when things were easier.

Gabe is clearly thinking the same as he sighs and turns to look at me, the two of us making eye contact properly for the first time in years, unspoken words passing between us as we gaze at each other. 

"I still wish things hadn't changed." He sighs wistfully, glancing away again, hand clenching the bottle. 

"Me too, honestly." I reply quietly, finishing my beer quickly as I settle back into the sofa, feeling sleep tugging at my mind, "It was nice having a partner."

"Yeah it was. Work gets lonely now." 

"Tell me about it." 

All is silent between us for a few more minutes, during which time I start to feel my eyelids drooping closed, my body relaxing comfortably into the soft cushions.

"Maybe one day we could work together again." He proposes, placing our bottles on the floor by our feet.

"Yeah, that would be nice." I agree, being totally genuine as I try my hardest not to drift off, "I miss you, Ca- Gabe."

At the sound of his name, Gabe looks over at me again, evidently noticing me half-asleep on the couch beside him. It takes him a moment, but it's not too long before I feel a lair of arms wrap around me. Eyes opening, I give him a questioning look as he pulls me closer to him, maneuvering us so he's got me cradled against his chest, leaning back against the arm of the sofa. If I wasn't so tired, I would've pushed him away, but as it is, it feels nice being held in his strong grip, his chest firm under my cheek and palms as I give in and nuzzle closer to him. His scent floods my nostrils, something in the mixture of old fast-food and hastily-used cologne comforting me as I feel a soft warmth spread through me. 

Too tired to argue, I relax into him, allowing him to lull me to sleep with gentle patterns on my back, his hair falling into my face as he leans forwards over me. Just before I drop off entirely, I feel him press a soft kiss to my forehead, his arms tightening around me as he hugs me to his body, muscles loosening underneath me.

I really have missed him.

[the-brave-and-the-dumb]

The fact that so many men who watched 80s/90s "macho movies" are still heterosexual is one of the greatest proofs of sexual orientation being impossible to change.

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Hi!! I was wondering if maybe you could write a Wade x plus size reader? Maybe she’s an ex pro thief and gets put with him for a mission or smth?? I got no idea man just have fun with it aye

Thank you for the request!!!!! Sorry for the wait!

I wasn't sure if you wanted it to be dirty or not so I sectioned that part off in case it's not what you're looking for :)

You are my first ever request! So, thank you, thank you, thank you, and I hope you enjoy it <3

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Thieving, being exceptionally attractive while doing it. Wade on his best behaviour, Smut is sectioned off.

You haven't accepted a mission in 4 years.

You got out of the business and left those “friends” and “friend circles” behind you after you scored your dream internship. 4 years and you were running your own team and writing a semi successful blog. It was a quiet life, and you enjoyed it immensely. You liked your team members, and you felt they found you a fair and caring boss. Your cat Mr. Sparkles was a healthy weight and had finally committed to using the litter box.

You don't know why you answered when he called you, you don’t know why you agreed to such fuckery. But here you were pulling out a familiar black box out of the bottom of your cluttered closet. You picked it up and placed it on your bed. The dark colour contrasted with your bright and colourful décor. Something you found oddly reflective, once you moved on from that part of your life nothing was dark. Everything in your apartment was covered by color and patterns that made you happy.

You opened the box. You and Mr. Sparkles looked at the contents like there was a wild octopus about to come flying out of it.

“It was the right thing to do.” You said out loud. “And it's going to pay well.”

Pulling the tight outfit over your curves felt better than you thought it would. You figured that it would cause you panic or anxiety. Instead you felt a wave of confidence looking yourself over in the mirror that hung on the back of your bedroom door. Normally you were covered in bright flowy clothes, that's what you liked. Your whole life was built upon being invisible since you were little. Now that you were in charge every day was a celebration in its own way. However this made you feel sexy, the outfit was sleek and left nothing to the imagination. Pulling your long hair into a tight french braid you were ready to get out there and do some thieving.

You kissed Mr. Sparkles and gave your aloe vera plant a light touch on your way out the window. It was a hot summer night and the air was muggy. These were your favorite kinds of nights to sit out on the fire escape, have some drinks, read books, and watch the city. It was lonely, but enjoyable nonetheless.

You got up to the roof and plotted your course to the impossible house. You misstepped a couple of times before falling into your usual rhythm. You contemplated whether you were doing this because the small piece of art should be with the family it belongs too. Or if you were doing this because you had some kind of Ocean’s 11 complex that kept you hungry for such challenges. It was an impossible place to break into, the floor of the old house containing the art work was covered with laser security. A piece of knowledge that should make your stomach flip, but only makes your heart feel funny.

You got yourself into position on the roof of the low building that was across the street, you took a few minutes to survey and eventually came to the conclusion that conditions were perfect. You made your way to the 3rd floor balcony. You knew of the owner’s, an awfully cruel man and his lover. They were asleep on the 5th floor of the house. Well, city mansion? Whatever, the point is it didn't feel like a home, it felt like something a royal family would keep when they came to visit. Lots of expensive art and velvet curtains. Massive gold and crystal chandeliers hung from mirrored ceilings framed with fancy crown molding. You did your research in the few hours you had after the job request had come in, there was a - *insert super fancy techno security laser system name here.* And it was said to be unbeatable. No gymnast or other cat-like thief had been able to tango with it. You had been challenged by its precursors but had got out of the game by the time this puppy had made it out on the market.

You picked the lock on the double doors, and slid past the heavy curtains and disabled the basic alarm system for the floor. Surveying the area you saw the lasers slowly dancing like it was a Pink Floyd tribute at the local planetarium. (something you attend regularly) You took a deep breath and got ready to disco your way across the floor to the small framed painting of a sun set. You put a headphone in and set the song *put on a song you would rob a bank to*. You began the journey. People often felt that your size and shape made you incompetent or ungraceful. You learned early on in life not to listen to stupid people say stupid things. You were the best, perhaps because you weren't afraid to look stupid or ridiculous. You bended and snapped, ducked and dodged, twirled and flipped. And just like that you reached your target. The second you lifted it off the wall, the lasers stopped. You pulled your knife and twirled around ready for a fight. What you saw was not what you expected, across the room none other than Wade freaking Wilson was looking at you.. Normally you hated being stared at like that, but he was a “friend” you found particularly challenging to leave behind. The whites of his mask were wide. After making a whole bunch of strange gestures with his hands, he held up a finger motioning you to be quiet. He disappeared towards what you figured would be the staircase going up to the next floor. If he gave you a clear shot at an exit you knew he had trouble with him. So you took your out.

You got back up on the rooftop across the street, you grabbed the bag you left there and secured the painting. You pulled out a large black piece of cotton and tossed it around your shoulders like a shall. This made your outfit look less stealth and more passion for leather/night out on the town. Making your way down the fire escape on the side of the building you saw the target house explode.

I guess Wade hasn't changed any.

You picked up the pace feeling anxious to get to Sister Margrets. Making your way through the city unnoticed, you went into the shitty establishment through the alleyway door. You wasted no time moving through the hallway into the servers entrance spitting you out behind the bar. You kept by the entrance which kept you out of sight, you didn't want to see any more friends tonight. Weasel jumped when he turned around and saw you there looming in the shadows, spilling the drink he had just made.

“Fuck” He quickly remade the drink then moved back to where you were standing. He had a large envelope of cash for which you handed him the back pack. You felt slightly relieved.

“Hey I know you moved on, but thanks for this.”

“No problem”

You turned around and went out the way you came in. Opening the door that leads back to the alley way, you notice a very large and slightly singed body blocking your exit.

“Stay for a drink?” His voice caused something in you to stir. Something you were not going to explore.

“Sorry Wade but no can do” You pushed past him and began walking down the street.

“Pretty pleaseeeee” he said with a sing song voice. You tried not to smile. He caught up to you so he was walking beside you. “If your not a big drinker anymore we could go for diner, tacos!, Sushi, chicken nuggets, you always loved a good chicken nugget” You tuned him out as he kept chattering a list of every food he could remember eating together. You had to figure out somewhere to go as you weren't leading him back to your apartment. Going in random directions, he spoke up.

“I know you live on *Insert cute street name here*”

“What the fuck Wilson?”

“Well you disappeared and I wanted to make sure you weren't being unalived. This means if we head back to yours we can do take out and homemade drinks, which in my opinion is much better anyway. I make the best margaritas in the city.”

You started the walk back towards your apartment. Trying desperately to come up with a way to leave him at the front of the building. The thought of him in your very personal, very colourful, even bordering on childish apartment made you unbelievably anxious. Every time you looked over at his slightly charred body you couldn't help a strange feeling welling up inside you. You got to the front door to the building and turned to look up at him. There was a long pause as you struggled for words.

“It's alright. It was a nice walk.” You could hear the layers of sadness underneath his tone. You were going to tell him that it was a nice walk and that maybe one day when things were better for you they could get that drink. Then you were going to threaten him into keeping everything a secret.

“I don't have stuff for margaritas.” The wrong words left your mouth but for a fleeting moment you actually didn't want him to leave.

“Are you sure?” Hey sounded very serious which caught you off guard and confused you a little.

“Yeah, normally I just drink stuff out of a can” You were terrible at mixing drinks, they were always way too sweet and strong and lead to trouble. Wade gave a big laugh. “Are you okay to pick up the stuff if I get changed?”

“You betcha.” He did a twirl, blew you a kiss, then headed down the street.

You dashed up to your apartment and started to hide your more personal stuff. Grabbing an armful of clean laundry off the couch, tossing it into an empty bin in the closet. You were so busy trying to hide your stuffed animals and random fan art, that you didn't notice him standing in the fire escape landing looking at you from the large open window.

“Damn. This was not what I was expecting.” He said, sounding surprised. “This isn't what your old place looked like at all”

“Uh” Your face got hot and you refused to look at him. “I ah don't have people over so um yeah. You can go now.”

“Nonononononono. This is a huge bit of progress from everything being varying shades of grey and uncomfortable.” Wade took the place in as he made his way to your kitchen. Placing the big brown bags on the counter top, and sliding the blender out from against the bright backsplash.

"Uh I'm going to get cleaned up. Help yourself to everything." You ran into the bathroom and freshened up and were very grateful to be out of the leather and into your summer pj's. They were more on the revealing side but you never found Wade the type to care or be creepy.

Coming out you found him very comfortable whirling around the kitchen. It looked like he had made a giant frying pan of pad thai and the blender was full. Turning around to see you he picked you up and sat you on the counter top like you were nothing more than a bottle of the many sauces he currently had out. He handed you one of your favorite rainbow glasses filled with margarita. Your brain was still trying to calm down from him picking you up like that.

"Thanks" you said with an even redder face.

"No problem, hot stuff" he divided the food into two plates, you led him out to sit on the fire escape with you. It was a sacred space, it felt weird to be there with a real live person. After the most delicious plate of food ever, many drinks, and laughs about the good old days things quieted down leaving a thick tension between the two of you. You realized you owed him an apology of sorts.

"Wade, I'm sorry I didn't give you a proper goodbye. I just had a life of running and I couldn't risk anyone fucking me over again."

"It's alright babe. I understand why you did it." His voice was low and sad and it made your heart hurt. You didn't want the night to end.

"Thanks for keeping my place here a secret."

"No problem. Do you think mayyybe now that I know about your situation we could do this again sometime?"

"You have no idea how nice that would be." You really meant it having him around was the most fun you'd had in a very long time. You didn't have to pretend or beat around the bush about anything with Wade. Nothing was too dark or silly or messed up.

"Well I guess this is my cue." He made to stand up but you grabbed his knee without thinking.

"Uh if you want to. You could also stay for a while." He turned his head to the side, bright eyes looking you over. "You could take a shower and I've definitely got a shirt and some boxers I could lend you." His eyes got wider. "They're mine. They're really…. comfy…" you would never understand how he made you so embarrassed.

"Uh, not sure about that… it just…" he motioned to the rest of his body.

"I've seen your face. It won't bother me" you looked up at him with empathetic eyes, part of you hoping that maybe they came across as bedroom eyes. You gave yourself a mental slap.

"If you're uncomfortable, that's okay too." You said, giving him a kind smile. You could tell there was an internal battle. So you gave him a minute.

"Alright that sounds nice. It's a fucking mess under here tho."

You went into your bathroom and found your gentlest scent free soap and a soft towel. Then into your room to find a giant t-shirt and your biggest pair of boxer shorts.

You put it into a nice pile in the bathroom.

"Okay there's some nice soap, it's natural scent free, made of angel's tears or some shit and a clean towel and clothes in there for you."

Wade shifted around you into the bathroom. "Thanks"

You flopped onto your bed and looked up at your glow star collection that littered the ceiling. You heard the water start running and you closed your eyes. Until your herd some very loud and off key Britney Spears. You couldn't help but laugh. Soon enough he was out and flopped onto the bed next to you.

"Man this is the best sleepover ever."

"If this has been your best sleepover with a chick I feel sorry for you. And her." You joked.

"Sorry enough for a pity cuddle." You know what the look he gave you meant. He was testing the waters to see what kind of night this was gonna be. You couldn't help but feel the need to challenge it.

"We could cuddle… or we could do other stuff then cuddle." You'd thought of all the reasons this was a bad idea. But voices weren't loud enough over the sound of your heart beating. He leaned in closer, fingers brushing your cheek.

"You sure that's not a margaritas talking?"

"Very sure." You said eyes locked with his.

"Why now?" It was a good question. One you had to think about.

"I don't think I ever was really myself. Like I was as much of myself as I could be while hurting that much. Now I'm happy and I enjoy things differently"

"Hmmm I noticed that. I think I got to know you more in the past few hours than I had when we were friends. You actually laugh now. At jokes and not just crazy like when things are exploding" he moved his hand to run through your hair and you couldn't hold back a soft moan. It had been so very long since someone had touched you.

You felt his lips press into your forehead. You'd thought about Wade before but he was in a relationship, then she died, and Wade wasn't himself for a long time. You'd figured if you were something he wanted he'd make it clear considering the dude flirted with everyone. You'd always had a secret fear that maybe you went his type. Vanessa was short and very tiny, other than her you were only sure of one other and that was Cable, who was serious, fit, tall, and massive. You were a good height and curvy as all hell. Suddenly you felt self conscious. But then he put his hands on either side of your face tilting your head up to meet his. You opened your eyes and they focused in on his lips. They were so close it caused the air in your lungs to get stuck.

"You're pretty quiet. You sure you wanna try to do other things. We can jump right to cuddling if that's better for right now?"

You looked up to meet his eyes.

"Is that what you want?" You tried your best to have it come out casually.

"Not really."

Your eyes migrated back down to his lips and you shuffled closer. You wanted to kiss him so badly you felt like your body was on fire.

"You can take whatever you want baby"

******************PSA: Dirty stuff below ;)*********************

That's all the permission you needed. You moved in and softly pressed your lips into his, then took things deeper. It didn’t take much for your breathing to become ragged, you were trying desperately to take the kiss further.

Eventually you bit his bottom lip and whimpered, finally he agreed, his hands tightened on your face and your tongues started to battle it out. You wanted to win, so you moved to straddle him. Finally accomplishing some friction between the two of you, you could feel your panties sliding against your wet folds. This only lasted for a few glorious seconds, before he flipped you on to your back quickly moving to pin your arms above your head.

He started moving south leaving a red hot trail of destruction behind him. There was only so much your tank top would allow, Wade seemed very content palming your right breast while biting on the flesh beneath your left collar bone. You on the other hand wanted your goddamn clothes off.

You tried to break his grip and moaned when you realized such a task would only be accomplished by hurting him. He really had you trapped there, a piece of knowledge that only made you want your clothes off more. His grip on your breast tightened and his smirking lips took a long pull on the hardened nub that was poking up benthe the cotton of your top. You couldn't help your back arching. Finally, after paying respects to your other breast, he pulled back to look at you. He squeezed your wrists.

“Stay”

God he was so bossy. Something that divided you internally. A part of you wanted to push it, see how hard he would dig into you, and the other part was desperate to behave and be good. You decided you would be good, for now. He sat up, leaning back on his knees in between your legs. Slowly his fingers brushed across the soft skin of your stomach, then his hands ran up along your torso taking your shirt with them. Feeling his scarred hands trail lightly across you sent shivers through your body. You felt him cup and knead your breasts for a moment before pulling your top over your head. He took a long look at you which made you feel delicious. No one had ever pulled out this side of you before. Kissing down your stomach he stopped at the waistband of your shorts. He took your left leg and used it to flip you over, somehow taking your shorts off at the same time. There you were ass up naked and loving every second of it. His big hands came down to smack your ass, a loud noise of please ran out of your mouth along with most of the air in your lungs. Enjoying the response he did it again then started kneading the flesh.

“Fuck you are so fucking sexy.” You felt his hands slide down to grip the tops of your thighs. You arched your back further resting your head on the bed. “Good girl.” The words hit you like a bullet but before you had time to find your footing his hot mouth was all over you wet folds.

His skilled tongue painting some kind of masterpiece, he was touching you everywhere but where you really desperately wanted it. But this seemed to be the way he operated, and you weren't complaining. After feeling like he had been everywhere, he started to circle that tight ball of nerves and you couldn't help but let out a shout. Pleasure was ripping through your body, things were starting to get hot and tight inside you, when all of a sudden those glorious lips closed in and created some heavenly suction. You couldn't stop your hips from bucking, this earned a heavy slap on your right ass cheek.

“Fuck fuck fuckf cukkkk ah” It quickly became too much, your orgasm hit you like a train, whole body tensing up then finally crashing down. Wade kept up the rhythm letting you ride it out. Finally pulling away when it became too much. He snaked his arm up your front to grab the front of your neck pulling you up on to your knees, angling your face so he could kiss you deeply. Putting on a show of how good you tasted. After a long moment of heated kissing, he positioned you so you were laying on your back again. Giving you a few moments to catch your breath.

“You wanna keep going?” he asked softly.

“Yes please.” you answered politely.

“Alright but, it's everywhere. All over me. So doggy style is generally best for this next part. If you wanna do it that way, I'm also just happy making you scream like this too.”

“Wade, we can stop if you need to. But I would much rather you fuck me like this. Or let me choke on you for a while then fuck me like this. On my back where I can kiss you and love you back. Ya feel me?”

He looked at you with searching eyes. You realized what you said probably sounded a bit off. Love you back probably wasn't the right thing to say, but you were operating with limited brain function at this point.

“This normally doesn't end well for me.”

“Hmmm. What part, how do you like to uh finish?” You asked slightly confused. Wade only laughed.

“That's not the problem, I almost got off just from you screaming like that. No, I just want to make sure you actually enjoy it. It's hard to enjoy things when you are looking up at someone who looks like they lost a fight with an industrial paper shredder that happened to be on fire.”

You snorted.

“Wade I never knew you before, but I’ve wanted you since I met you. Okay? There's no spooky feelings here.” Your words seemed enough to convince him. He leaned in for a soft kiss, one that made you want to misbehave. You pulled the shirt up, running your hands across the well defined muscles of his torso, then broke the kiss to pull it up over his head. You didn't give him a chance to be chatty, you resumed the heavy kiss, palming his erection. He moaned into your mouth. Feeling accomplished, you pulled the boxers off letting his heavy cock slap up against his stomach. You couldn't help but break the kiss, looking down you watched your hand slide over his impressive, throbbing length. You wanted to take him in your mouth, but before you could push him back onto the bed, he was already pinning you in place beneath him.

You felt him slide himself through your heat. Finally lining himself up with your entrance, his thumb set a steady pace on your clit as he pushed into you slowly. You were grateful he took his time opening you up. You let out a strangled sound when he bottomed out, you felt so full. He set a slow pace giving you lots of time to adjust, this only made you more desperate and needy. When he finally decided you’d had enough, you felt his hand squeeze the back of your neck as he set into a ruthless pace.

“FUCK” He was too much, his heavy body keeping you in place as your hips rose to meet every single thrust. you wanted to feel him as deeply as you possibly could. His hot mouth was biting into the flesh at the bottom of your neck. The heat inside you started to build and you were near your breaking point.

‘Wade” You breathed in a high, desperate tone.

“Cum for me baby” And just like that you felt it take over, your hips snapped up and your feet cramped up. You could feel your walls clench around him tightly, and you choked when he pushed through them even rougher than before. That thumb on your clit never gave up, keeping you trapped riding out the waves of pleasure. You felt it take him over, letting out a deep growl you felt him fill you. He held himself deep inside you, moving both his hands so his forearms were on either side of you trying to keep his weight from crushing you.

His forehead pressed against yours as you both tried to catch your breath. Eventually he moved out of you and he flopped onto his back. You got up and quickly went pee and cleaned yourself up. You grabbed another washcloth and went back to clean him up. You realised that getting up might have been a mistake. Wade was on his side with his eyes screwed shut.

“Hey, you okay?” You asked softly and grabbed the sides of his face and kissed his forehead.

“Better now.” He whispered.

“Sorry for getting up, I should have said something. Can I clean you up?” He gave you a strange look, like he was waiting for you to suddenly disappear. He took the washcloth and wiped himself down, you took it back throwing it into the bathroom. You looked down at him hoping that the voices weren't giving him a hard time. You sat next to him holding his hand, giving him some time.

**********************************************************************

“So about those cuddles?” He asked softly, and you wondered how many times people had hurt him or thrown him out.

You got under the light quilt on your bed motioning for him to do the same. He followed you, laying on his back, you tucked yourself into his side, enjoying his big arms wrapping around you. You gave his neck a light kiss.

“I missed you.” you said softly

“You have no idea how bad I missed being around you.”

“I won't leave again, if you wanted to make this either a regular thing… or a proper thing… if you're into that?” You felt a tight ball of nerves in your stomach.

“I’d really like that.” He kissed your forehead. You thought about all the things you would have to do to make this relationship compatible with your new life. But that was a later you problem, right now you were the best kind of exhausted. You both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Thank you again for the request!!!! <3

[themovieblogonline]

Hollywood Hookup: Sony Crashes the Paramount-Skydance Party

Hold onto your popcorn! Paramount Pictures, the studio that brought us blockbuster franchises like "Top Gun" and the undersea pineapple dweller "SpongeBob SquarePants," is in the midst of a major plot twist. While Paramount and Skydance were busy whispering sweet nothings about a possible merger, Sony Pictures Entertainment just swooped in with a surprise proposal. That's right, folks. Sony, the tech giant behind your PlayStation and your favorite superhero flicks (think "Spider-Man"), is teaming up with investment firm Apollo Global Management to potentially buy Paramount. This unexpected move throws a wrench into the Paramount-Skydance tango, which already had some investors grumbling. Here's the down-low: Sony and Apollo haven't exactly popped the question yet. Paramount is still playing the field, keeping its options open with Skydance. But Sony's offer is an all-cash deal, which might be hard for Paramount to resist. Imagine, Paramount becoming a subsidiary of the Sony empire, its marketing and distribution muscle merging with Sony's powerhouse. Things get a little murky when it comes to CBS, Paramount's prized possession, and its cable channels. How they'd fit into this potential Sony-Paramount mashup is anyone's guess. On the other hand, the Skydance deal offered some tech and animation expertise, courtesy of David Ellison's crew (including Pixar's former honcho John Lasseter). Their plan was to streamline operations and beef up Paramount's streaming service. So, what does this studio showdown mean for you, the moviegoer? If Sony wins Paramount's heart, it could create a media behemoth. Think of it as a colossal company controlling a treasure trove of TV channels and movie studios. But fear not, Sony's CEO has experience handling both TV and movie productions. This whole Paramount bidding war is just getting started, and it'll be interesting to see who gets the final rose. Stay tuned, movie fans, because the drama is far from over! Source: New York Times https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17GqfA3JmSY

[mylordshesacactus]

I feel weird making a recommendation to a fictional character, but Uileann Pipes are a bagpipe-like instrument that a) has a larger range than bapipes, b) is inflated by a bellows, allowing you to sing or, y'know, talk, and c) can actually be played indoors without constituting a war crime. Benny might find them useful. =p

That's VERY cool!

I am now going to gush about a DIFFERENT thing which is: The fact that bagpipes cannot legally be played indoors is WHY they work so well for Benny! (Actually, a lot of her backstory was literally shaped by the fact that I saw "bagpipes" on the list of possible bard instruments and immediately went WELL WHY WOULD ANYONE USE ANYTHING ELSE EVER", in this case, the location of Mountain Laurel Ranch.)

On the one hand, there's the sheer practicality. There's a reason we tell jokes about bards as a combat class; it's a bit silly to imagine someone tangoing their way across a battlefield strumming frantically on a lute and singing "STAB HIM HARDER, PLEASE DON'T DIE/I AM OUT OF HEALING SPELLS" to the tune of Rock Of Ages while everyone else is like. Actually doing something useful. But bagpipes are supposed to be used in combat. So Benny granting inspiration, cutting through a fog of fear or demoralization, causing a distraction at a critical moment with an intentionally sour note so that an enemy fumbles--that is in fact the historical use of bagpipes.

(Song of Rest becomes deeply ironic though. I think she probably pulls out the shawm for that one.)

But from a characterization perspective...

Basically...Benny grew up on a fairly large family-run farm, isolated deep in the mountains. They mostly raised cash crops (1), a small flock of wool sheep (2), pigs (3), and bred a rare type of livestock guardian dogs to sell (4). She grew up in the middle of fucking nowhere, surrounded by thick pine trees and high stone mountains and a lot of sky.

1) Poisonous plants and rare spell components 2) Former adventurers 3) Dire boar 4) Extraplanar Infernal entities in the form of Tibetan mastiffs

She taught herself the bagpipes specifically because the sound is too big to fit indoors.

It wasn't that she was lonely, exactly. Benny honestly had a phenomenally happy childhood. She wasn't COMPLETELY isolated, like...her family mostly didn't grow their own food, they had neighbors, there were towns and trading posts they visited regularly. It's not like she grew up never having spoken to another person.

But at the same time--she grew up spending a LOT of time alone, just her and her dog. And it gets quiet as all hell up there. Trying to play the shawm out on the mountains, the sound just...fizzled and faded into nothing next to all that space. It was the only time the solitude legitimately spooked her.

For the most part she loved the lonely feel of it. It didn't scare or depress her. She wasn't trying to drive off a feeling of isolation or anything. Almost the opposite; she loves her mountains. She was trying to bridge the gap, to take this sense of being tiny and alone and the only person for miles, the ancientness of the stone, the melancholy feel of the forest, the power of the entire mountain range and the wild thrill of all that empty sky and make it a part of her.

She carries bagpipes at all times despite almost never getting a chance to play them outside of simple combat coordination, because there's some music that's...

The dulcimer is her connection to her mother and her childhood. The shawm is for performing on an everyday basis. But the bagpipes? Those are home, and those are just for her.

[betterdaysareatoenailaway]

Random Review #3: Sleepwalkers (1992) and “Sleep Walk” (1959)

I. Sleepwalkers (1992) I couldn’t sleep last night so I started watching a trashy B-movie penned by Stephen King specifically for the screen called Sleepwalkers (1992). Simply put, the film is an unmitigated disaster. A piece of shit. But it didn’t need to be. That’s what’s so annoying about it. By 1992 King was a grizzled veteran of the silver screen, with more adaptations under his belt than any other author of his cohort. Puzo had the Godfather films (1972 and 1974, respectively), sure, but nothing else. Leonard Gardner had Fat City (1972), a movie I love, but Gardner got sucked into the Hollywood scene of cocaine and hot tub parties and never published another novel, focusing instead on screenplays for shitty TV shows like NYPD Blue. After Demon Seed (1977), a movie I have seen and disliked, nobody would touch Dean Koontz’s stuff with a ten foot pole, which is too bad because The Voice of the Night, a 1980 novel about two young pals, one of whom is a psychopath trying to convince the other to help him commit murder, would make a terrific movie. But Koontz’s adaptations have been uniformly awful. The made-for-TV film starring John C McGinley, 1997′s Intensity, is especially bad. There are exceptions, but Stephen King has been lucky enough to avoid the fate of his peers. Big name directors have tackled his work, from Stanley Kubrick to Brian De Palma. King even does a decent job of acting in Pet Semetary (1989), in his own Maximum Overdrive (1986) and in George Romero’s Creepshow (1982), where he plays a yokel named Jordy Verril who gets infected by a meteorite that causes green weeds to grow all over his body. Many have criticized King’s over-the-top performance in that flick, but for me King perfectly nails the campy and comical tone that Romero was going for. The dissolves in Creepshow literally come right off the pages of comics, so people expecting a subtle Ordinary People-style turn from King had clearly walked into the wrong theatre. Undoubtedly Creepshow succeeds at what it set out to do. I’m not sure Sleepwalkers succeeds though, unless the film’s goal was to get me to like cats even more than I already do. But I already love cats a great deal. Here’s my cat Cookie watching me edit this very blog post. 

And here’s one of my other cats, Church, named after the cat that reanimates and creeps out Louis and Ellie in Pet Sematary. Photo by @ScareAlex.

SPOILER ALERT: Do not keep reading if you plan on watching Sleepwalkers and want to find out for yourself what happens.

Stephen King saw many of his novels get adapted in the late 1970s and 80s: Carrie, The Shining, Firestarter, Christine, Cujo, and the movie that spawned the 1950s nostalgia industrial complex, Stand By Me, but Sleepwalkers was the first time he wrote a script specifically for the screen rather than adapting a novel that already existed. Maybe that’s why it’s so fucking bad. Stephen King is a novelist, gifted with a novelist’s rich imagination. He’s prone to giving backstories to even the most peripheral characters - think of Joe Chamber’s alcoholic neighbour Gary Pervier in the novel Cujo, who King follows for an unbelievable number of pages as the man stumbles drunkenly around his house spouting his catch phrase “I don’t give a shit,” drills a hole through his phone book so he can hang it from a string beside his phone, complains about his hemorrhoids getting “as big as golfballs” (I’m not joking), and just generally acts like an asshole until a rabid Cujo bounds over, rips his throat out, and he bleeds to death. In the novel Pervier’s death takes more than a few pages, but it makes for fun reading. You hate the man so fucking much that watching him die feels oddly satisfying. In the movie, though, his death occurs pretty quickly, and in a darkened hallway, so it’s hard to see what’s going on aside from Gary’s foot trembling. And Pervier’s “I don’t give a shit” makes sense when he’s drilling a hole in the phone book, not when he’s about to be savagely attacked by a rabid St Bernard. There’s just less room for back story in movies. In a medium that demands pruning and chiseling and the “less is more” dictum, King’s writing takes a marked turn for the worse. King is a prose maximalist, who freely admits to “writing to outrageous lengths” in his novels, listing It, The Stand, and The Tommyknockers as particularly egregious examples of literary logorrhea. He is not especially equipped to write concisely. This weakness is most apparent in Sleepwalkers’ dialogue, which sounds like it was supposed to be snappy and smart, like something Aaron Sorkin would write, but instead comes off like an even worse Tango & Cash, all bad jokes and shitty puns. More on those bad jokes later. First, the plot.

Sleepwalkers is about a boy named Charles and his mother Mary who travel around the United States killing and feeding off the lifeforce of various unfortunate people (if this sounds a little like The True Knot in Doctor Sleep, you’re not wrong. But self-plagiarism is not a crime). Charles and Mary are shapeshifting werewolf-type creatures called werecats, a species with its very own Wikipedia page. Wikipedia confers legitimacy dont’cha know, so lets assume werecats are real beings. According to said page, a werecat, “also written in a hyphenated form as were-cat) is an analogy to ‘werewolf’ for a feline therianthropic creature.” I’m gonna spell it with the hyphen from now on because “werecats” just looks like a typo. Okay? Okay.

Oddly enough, the were-cats in Sleepwalkers are terrified of cats. Actual cats. For the were-cats, cute kittens = kryptonite. When they see a cat or cats plural, this happens to them:

^ That is literally a scene from the movie. Charles is speeding when a cop pulls alongside him and bellows at him to pull over. Ever the rebel, Charles flips the cop the finger. But the cop has a cat named Clovis in his car, and when the cat pops up to have a look at the kid (see below), Charles shapeshifts first into a younger boy, then into whatever the fuck that is in the above screenshot.

Now, the were-cats aversion to normal cats is confusing because one would assume a were-cat to be a more evolved (or perhaps devolved?) version of the typical house kitty. The fact that these were-cats are bipedal alone suggests an advantage over our furry four-legged friends, no? Kinda like if humans were afraid of fucking gorillas. Wait...we are scared of gorillas. And chimpanzees. And all apes really. Okay, maybe the conceit of the film isn’t so silly after all. The film itself, however, is about as silly as a bad horror movie can get. When the policeman gets back to precinct and describes the incident above (”his face turned into a blur”) he is roundly ridiculed because in movies involving the supernatural nobody believes in the supernatural until it confronts them. It’s the law, sorry. Things don’t end well for the cop. Or for the guy who gets murdered when the mom stabs him with...an ear of corn. Yes, an ear of corn. Somehow, the mother is able to jam corn on the cob through a man’s body, without crushing the vegetable or turning it into yellow mash. It’s pretty amazing. Here is a sample of dialog from that scene: Cop About To Die On The Phone to Precinct: There’s blood everywhere! *STAB* Murderous Mother: No vegetables, no dessert. That is actually a line in the movie. “No vegetables, no dessert.” It’s no “let off some steam, Bennett” but it’s close. Told ya I’d get back to the bad jokes. See, Mary and Charles are new in town and therefore seeking to ingratiate themselves by killing everyone who suspects them of being weird, all while avoiding cats as best they can. At one point Charles yanks a man’s hand off and tells him to "keep [his] hands to [him]self," giving the man back his severed bloody hand. Later on Charles starts dating a girl who will gradually - and I do mean gradually - come to realize her boyfriend is not a real person but in fact a were-cat. Eventually our spunky young protagonist - Madchen Amick, who fans of Twin Peaks will recognize as Shelly - and a team of cats led by the adorable Clovis- kill the were-cat shapeshifting things and the sleepy small town (which is named Travis for some reason) goes back to normal, albeit with a slightly diminished population. For those keeping score, that’s Human/Cat Alliance 1, Shapeshifting Were-cats 0. It is clear triumph for the felis catus/people team! Unless we’re going by kill count, in which case it is closer to Human/Cat Alliance 2, Were-cats 26. I arrived at this figure through my own notes but also through a helpful video that takes a comprehensive and complete “carnage count” of all kills in Sleepwalkers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmt-DroK6uA

II. Santo & Johnny “Sleep Walk” (1959) Because Sleepwalkers is decidedly not known for its good acting or its well-written screenplay, it is perhaps best known for its liberal and sometimes contrapuntal use of Santo & Johnny’s classic steel guitar song “Sleep Walk,” possibly the most famous (and therefore best) instrumental of the 20th century. Some might say “Sleep Walk” is tied for the #1 spot with “Green Onions” by Booker T & the M.G.’s and/or “Wipe Out” by The Surfaris, but I disagree. The Santo & Johnny song is #1 because of its incalculable influence on all subsequent popular music. 

I’m not saying “Wipe Out” didn't inspire a million imitators, both contemporaneously and even decades later…for example here’s a surf rock instrumental from 1999 called “Giant Cow" by a Toronto band called The Urban Surf Kings. The video was one of the first to be animated using Flash (and it shows):

So there are no shortage of surf rock bands, even now, decades after its emergence from the shores of California to the jukeboxes of Middle America. My old band Sleep for the Nightlife used to regularly play Rancho Relaxo with a surf rock band called the Dildonics, who I liked a great deal. There's even a Danish surf rock band called Baby Woodrose, whose debut album is a favourite of mine. They apparently compete for the title of Denmark’s biggest surf pop band with a group called The Setting Son. When a country that has no surfing culture and no beaches has multiple surf rock bands, it is safe to say the genre has attained international reach. As far as I can tell, there aren’t many bands out there playing Booker T & the M.G.’s inspired instrumental rock. Link Wray’s “Rumble” was released four years before “Green Onions.” But the influence of Santo and Johnny’s “Sleep Walk” is so ubiquitous as to be almost immeasurable. The reason for this is the sheer popularity of the song’s chord progression. If Santo and Johnny hadn’t written it first, somebody else would have, simply because the progression is so beautiful and easy on the ears and resolvable in a satisfying way. Have a listen to “Sleep Walk” first and then let’s check out some songs it directly inspired. 

The chords are C, A minor, F and G. Minor variations sometimes reverse the last two chords, but if it begins with C to A minor, you can bet it’s following the “Sleep Walk” formula, almost as if musicians influenced by the song are in the titular trance. When it comes to playing guitar, Tom Waits once said “your hands are like dogs, going to the same places they’ve been. You have to be careful when playing is no longer in the mind but in the fingers, going to happy places. You have to break them of their habits or you don’t explore; you only play what is confident and pleasing.” Not only is it comforting to play and/or hear what we already know, studies have shown that our brains actively resist new music, because it takes work to understand the new information and assimilate it into a pattern we are cogent of. It isn’t until the brain recognizes the pattern that it gives us a dopamine rush. I’m not much for Pitchfork anymore, but a recent article they posted does a fine job of discussing this phenomenon in greater detail.

Led Zeppelin’s “D’Yer Maker” uses the “Sleep Walk” riff prominently, anchored by John Bonham and John Paul Jones’ white-boy reggae beat: 

Here it is again with Del Shannon’s classic “Little Town Flirt.” I love Shannon’s falsetto at the end when he goes “you better run and hide now bo-o-oy.”

The Beatles “Happiness is a Warm Gun” uses the Sleep Walk progression, though not for the whole song. It goes into the progression at the bridge at 1:34: 

Tumblr won’t let me embed any more videos, so you’ll to travel to another tab to hear these songs, but Neil Young gets in on the act with his overlooked classic “Winterlong:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV6r66n3TFI On their 1996 EP Interstate 8 Modest Mouse pay direct homage by singing over their own rendition of the original Santo & Johnny version, right down to the weeping steel guitar part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT_PwXjCqqs The vocals are typical wispy whispered indie rock vocals, but I think they work, particularly the two different voices. They titled their version “Sleepwalking (Couples Only Dance Prom Night).”

Dwight Yoakam’s “Thousand Miles From Nowhere” makes cinematic use of it. This song plays over the credits of one of my all-time favourite movies, 1993′s Red Rock West feat. Nicolas Cage, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dennis Hopper, and J.T. Walsh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu3ypuKq8WE

“39″ is my favourite Queen song. I guess now I know why. It uses my fav chord progression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE8kGMfXaFU 

Blink 182 scored their first hit “Dammit” with a minor variation on the Sleep Walk chord progression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT0g16_LQaQ

Midwest beer drinkin bar rockers Connections scored a shoulda-been-a-hit with the fist-pumping “Beat the Sky:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSNRq0n_WYA You’d be hard pressed to find a weaker lead singer than this guy (save for me, natch), but they make it work. This one’s an anthem.

Spoon, who have made a career out of deconstructing rock n’ roll, so that their songs sometimes sound needlessly sparse (especially “The Ghost of You Lingers,” which takes minimalism to its most extreme...just a piano being bashed on staccato-style for four minutes), so it should surprise nobody that they re-arrange the Sleep Walk chords on their classic from Gimme Fiction, “I Summon You:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teXA8N3aF9M I love that opening line: remember the weight of the world was a sound that we used to buy? I think songwriter Britt Daniel is talking about buying albums from the likes of Pearl Jam or Smashing Pumpkins, any of those grunge bands with pessimistic worldviews. There are a million more examples. I remember seeing some YouTube video where a trio of gross douchebros keep playing the same progression while singing a bunch of hits over it. I don’t like the smarmy way they do it, making it seem like artists are lazy and deliberately stealing. I don’t think it’s plagiarism to use this progression. And furthermore, tempo and production make all the difference. Take “This Magic Moment” for example. There's a version by Jay & the Americans and one by Ben E King & the Drifters. I’ve never been a fan of those shrieking violins or fiddles that open the latter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bacBKKgc4Uo The Jay & the Americans version puts the guitar riff way in the forefront, which I like a lot more. The guitar plays the entire progression once before the singing starts and the band joins in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKfASw6qoag

Each version has its own distinctive feel. They are pretty much two different songs. Perhaps the most famous use of the Sleep Walk progression is “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers, which is one of my favourite songs ever. The guy who chose to let Bobby Hatfield sing this one by himself must have kicked himself afterwards when it became a hit, much bigger than "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling."https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0

What can you say about “Unchained Melody” that hasn’t already been said? God, that miraculously strong vocal, the way the strings (and later on, brass horns) are panned way over to the furthest reaches the left speaker while the drums and guitar are way over in the right, with the singing smack dab in the middle creates a kind of distance and sharp clarity that has never been reproduced in popular music, like seeing the skyscrapers of some distant city after an endless stretch of highway. After listening to “Unchained Melody,” one has to wonder: can that progression ever be improved upon? Can any artist write something more haunting, more beautiful, more uplifting than that? The “need your love” crescendo hits so fucking hard, as both the emotional and the sonic climax of the song, which of course is no accident...the strings descending and crashing like a waterfall of sound, it gets me every fucking time. Legend has it that King George II was so moved by the “Hallelujah” section of Handel’s “Messiah” that he stood up, he couldn't help himself, couldn't believe what he was hearing. I get that feeling with all my favourite songs. "1979." "Unchained Melody." "In The Still of the Night." "Digital Bath." "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?" "Interstate." "Liar's Tale." “Gimme Shelter.” The list goes on and on. Music is supposed to move us.

King George II stood because he was moved to do so. Music may be our creation, but it isn't our subordinate. All those sci-fi stories warning about technology growing beyond our control aren’t that far-fetched. Music is our creation but its power lies beyond our control. We are subordinate to music, helpless against its power and might, its urgency and vitality and beauty. There have been many times in my life when I have been so obsessed with a particular song that I pretty much want to live inside of it forever. A house of sound. I remember detoxing from heroin and listening to Grimes “Realiti” on repeat for twelve hours. Detoxing from OxyContin and listening to The Beach Boys “Dont Worry Baby” over and over. Or just being young and listening to “Tonight Tonight” over and over and over, tears streaming from my eyes in that way you cry when you’re a kid because you just feel so much and you don’t know what to do with the intensity of those feelings. It is precisely because we are so moved by music that we keep creating it. And in the act of that creation we are free. There are no limits to that freedom, which is why bands time and time again return to the well-worn Sleep Walk chord progression and try to make something new from it. Back in 2006, soon after buying what was then the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album, I found myself playing the album’s closing track over and over. I loved the chorus and I loved the way it collapses into a lo-fi demo at the very end, stripping away the studio sheen and...not to be too punny, showing its bones (the album title is Show Your Bones). Later on I would realize that the song, called “Turn Into,” uses the Sleep Walk chord progression. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exqCFoPiwpk

It’s just like, what Waits said, our hands goes to where we are familiar. And so do our ears, which is why jazz often sounds so unpleasant to us upon first listen. Or Captain Beefheart. But it’s worth the effort to discover new stuff, just as it’s worth the effort to try and write it. I recently lamented on this blog that music to me now is more about remembrance than discovery, but I’m still only 35 years old. I’m middle-aged right now (I don’t expect to live past 70, not with the lifestyle I’ve been living). There’s still a whole other half life to find new music and love and leave it for still newer stuff. It’s worth the challenge, that moment of inner resistance we feel when confronted with something new and challenging and strange sounding. The austere demands of adult life, rent and routine, take so much of our time. I still make time for creative pursuits, but I don’t really have much time for discovery, for seeking out new music. But I’ve resolved to start making more time. A few years ago I tried to listen to and like Trout Mask Replica but I couldn’t. I just didn’t get what was going on. It sounded like a bunch of mistakes piled on top of each other. But then a few days ago I was writing while listening to music, as I always do, and YouTube somehow landed on Lick My Decals Off, Baby. I didn’t love what I was hearing but I was intrigued enough to keep going. And now I really like this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMnd9dvb3sA&pbjreload=101 Another example I’ll give is the rare Robert Pollard gem “Prom Is Coming.” The first time I heard this song, it sounded like someone who can’t play guitar messing around, but the more I heard it the more I realized there’s a song there. It’s weird and strange, but it’s there. The lyrics are classic Pollard: Disregard injury and race madly out of the universe by sundown. Pollard obviously has a special place in his heart for this track. He named one of his many record labels Prom Is Coming Records and he titled the Boston Spaceships best-of collection Out of the Universe By Sundown. I don’t know if I’ll ever become a Captain Beefheart megafan but I can hear that the man was doing something very strange and, at times, beautiful. And anyway, why should everything be easy? Aren’t some challenges worth meeting for the experience waiting on the other side of comprehension or acceptance? I try to remember this now whenever I’m first confronted with new music, instead of vetoing it right away. Most of my favourite bands I was initially resistant to when I first heard them. Queens of the Stone Age, Kyuss, Guided by Voices, Spoon, Heavy Times. All bands I didn’t like at first.  I don’t wanna sleepwalk through life, surrounding myself only with things I have already experienced. I need to stay awake. Because soon enough I’ll be asleep forever. We need to try everything we can before the Big Sleep comes to take us back to the great blankness, the terrible question mark that bookends our lives.

[one-boring-person]

Hey I saw your asks are open! Could I get some Gabe Cash x reader fluff? <33

I hope you like this! Thanks for the request!😊

Not As Glad As I Am.

Gabe Cash (Tango and Cash) x reader

Warnings: mention of prison

Masterlist

I frown as the comfortable silence is broken by the shrill ringing of the doorbell, bothered by the sound as I turn to look towards the offending noise. Remaining where I am, I wait for a second ring, knowing that I'm not expecting anyone, so someone who actually has business with me will stay and try again when I don't answer the first time.

A minute passes before it rings again, my curiosity piqued now as the sound continues longer this time, the person behind it most likely getting impatient now. 

Sighing, I climb to my feet and go to answer the door, peering through the spy hole first. 

It takes me less than thirty seconds to throw the door open and launch myself into the arms of the man standing behind it. 

Relief floods through me, mingling with sharp, unbounded joy as Gabe wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly against his body. His laugh vibrates through his chest, my own mixing with it as I fight back tears of happiness at seeing him again, glad to be back in the circle of his arms, his comforting scent enveloping me.

"Hey, (Y/n), how's it going?" He chuckles, grinning down at me as I pull back to look at him.

Breathlessly, I laugh and shake my head.

"Gabe, you have no idea how glad I am to see you." I pull him into my apartment, taking note of his lack of luggage and resistance. 

"I can guess, because it's nowhere near as glad as I am." The detective smiles, ruffling my hair affectionately, watching as I close the door and go through to the open-plan apartment, heading straight to the kitchen area.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." I roll my eyes humorously, glancing back at him, "Want anything to eat?"

"What've you got?" He nods, leaning on the island counter, eyes fixed on me.

"Uh…" I take a look in the fridge, "Leftovers from earlier, salad, bits and pieces...I have bread, so I can make you a sandwich?" 

"A sandwich sounds great." I can hear the longing in his voice, "Thanks, (Y/n)."

"No problem." I him as I go about preparing the food, remembering his favourite easily and starting on that. 

We stand in comfortable silence for a moment, the only sound being my movements at the counter. I can feel his eyes on me, watching my every action, a sensation I've long since grown to love. It doesn't last too long, though, as he eventually moves from his spot, coming to stand directly behind me. Tenderly, he wraps his arms around my middle and hugs me to his chest, resting his chin on my shoulder, his golden hair tickling my face. Smiling, I lean into him.

"I'm so glad I'm back." The detective hums, his breath ghosting over my cheek as I turn to him as best I can.

"You already said." I tease him, kissing his cheek as I turn in his grip with the prepared sandwich on a plate between us, "Bon appetit, handsome."

Gabe smirks and takes the plate from me, blue eyes bright as he steps back and leans against the counter behind him, taking a bite of the sandwich. Almost immediately, he lets out a groan of satisfaction.

"God, you really do make the best sandwiches, (Y/n). This is unbelievable." He says around a mouthful of bread.

"No, you just haven't eaten anything except prison food for days." I laugh, rolling my eyes as he indulges himself, "Do you want a beer? I have a couple in the fridge."

Eagerly, Gabe nods, still stuffing his face as I retrieve him a cool bottle, removing the cap for him. 

Watching him eat, I can't help but smile at his antics, incredibly happy to see him again after his time in prison. It'd been horrible without him, the apartment feeling empty and quiet without his usual raucous presence and somewhat eccentric habits. Already, the space feels as if it's been filled again. 

"Like what you see?" Gabe interrupts my train of thought, smirking at me awkwardly through a full mouth, eyes glittering in mirth.

Rolling my eyes again, I grin and walk over to the sofa in front of my television, taking a seat as I speak.

"Very much so, though you eat like a Neanderthal." I tell him, chuckling as he makes a sound of protest.

"I do not!" 

When I make a sound of disagreement, he puts his empty plate down and stalks over to me, draping himself over the back of the sofa so his head is propped on my shoulder.

"Even if I do," He smirks, the expression upside down to me, "You love me anyway."

Swatting his cheek gently with a finger, I push some of his hair from his face.

"That I do." I smile as he beams at me, watching the detective come around the sofa to sit beside me, pulling me into him. 

Almost instinctively, I cuddle into him, holding him as close to me as I can, glad to feel his body under mine again. 

Quietly, he wraps his arms around me and leans back, carding his fingers through my hair even as I twirl one of his locks around my own, tracing an idle pattern on his chest at the same time, listening to his steady breathing. 

"You're not in the clear yet, are you?" I ask him, somewhat sadly. 

He sighs deeply, rubbing his hands down my back reassuringly.

"No, but Tango and I have a plan. I'll be back properly before you even know it." He tells me, leaning down to kiss my forehead.

"Good." I murmur, snuggling into him, content to stay where we are, basking in his body heat, "I want you back home with me."

[azraqnar]

I’m dissapointed to see the Rwby fans automatically going crazy over Blakes bisexuality being cannon. it seems that they only care for her sexuality and legitimization of her relationship with yang rather than caring about her actual character development. The reality is what these shows do is that they confirm lgbt characters without having any sort of build up to it so it may “damage control” the sheer mess it’s down with Blake’s character & now fans will distinctly remember as being bisexual & not who is she or her journey from being a terrorist to a hero. In fact it’s upsetting to see this LGBT pandering just so fans can continue watching because the only thing these creators care about is cashing in on these so-called “representations”. if Crwby actually cared about proper representation,for one they would’ve had to say more diverse main characters outside of sexuality(excluding Rin). Have any of you noticed why none of the main characters are of color or the cast? No cause that’s not the representation fans care for, seem they only care for the sweet LGBT representation so it can legitimize fanfiction and imagine Blake and Yang doing satans tango even though they’ve had little to no chemistry at all. Hell it might be even be ruining Monty‘s vision, but no, Blake being bi seems to be the only thing fans care about it, it does her character no justice, her character is still poorly written and she still needs a lot of development. in fact I think Blake being bisexual does more harm to the community because now that’s going to be the only thing they’ll focus on, not her character development or her being a fanus but sure continue shipping her with Yang cuz she’s just 1/2 of a ship now.

Honestly  it’s more of an insult having someone’s sexuality being pandered for views rather than the character itself. it’s a pity people only watch shows for character sexualities and shipping rather than the plot itself. Theres nothing wrong with shipping & anyone can ship bumblebee but if you only let that dictate what show you’re gonna watch & how you see a character and how that affects the character development then it’s an issue because then these characters are 1/2 of a ship they’re not their own characters anymore & their story is lost among the sea of shipping.