#tbh i found my apartment in a similar manner

[kijosakka]

Thoughts. okay so the total drama drama drama drama island special is interesting mainly bc of team e-scope but im going to take a moment here to ramble about his dynamic with other people here,,

(oh and i didn't have anywhere really to slot it into the other post or segue into it here but dodgebrawl as a Moment demonstrates how [this AU] noah can play the social game, just in a very very different way than how it's normally seen.

he knows what he's doing is going to bother his team and incentivize them to vote, i'd say in this au he even plays up the cockiness and makes veiled personal slights against specific people

(mainly those who would be annoyed enough to vote him off, see: heather, justin, leshawna, cody/trent to some extent if he said smth about gwen? < and gwen herself in that scenario. and to another extent beth, since hes playing up his outright mean traits, which would make lindsay vote with her. i dont think he would do anything specific to/with owen or izzy, since he may see izzy as too volatile and owen too genuine)

in the opposite way of whats expected, sure, but it is a social play. he can pick apart what these people are and what they show and push at it to achieve his own ends (and maybe its even some sort of way for him to regain control in this fundamentally uncontrollable situation he's found himself in; he can be the punishment in foucalt's imagining, to a much smaller degree))

so his teammates,,, do not like him tbh. his flagrant display during dodgeball and everyone being pissed at him after the fact is true in this AU, just coming with different motivations. even after the fact when the frustration of everyone fizzles out, hes still majorly offputting because of his detachedness, and deliberately makes his shown traits very unpalatable to experience in person combined with that.

the only two exceptions are izzy and owen respectively: owens mostly coming from a place of genuineness and im going to say while he wouldnt be able to verbalize it, in some manner owen would clock noahs behavior as a defense mechanism. maybe in the sense of 'hes just scared to open up to people!!' or something similar, but he definitely has a lot more faith that noah really isnt that cold and flat.

[*]izzy feels much the same -- except maybe it comes off more to her as strategic. izzy can act, and might recognize that in noah. if you wanted to you could write this in as to why she was eager to swap teams in the first episode, but it wouldnt change that he does get eliminated and thats all she sees of him until the special -- which, her intrigue in his lacking and the fact that it apparently wasnt strategic to get him further in the game, could help explain why she picks him in the team-up.

[*i have soooo much to say about izzy in this au actually. but ill save it for a diff post]

and speaking of the team-up: team e-scope!!!! :0

my au my rules eva and izzy became really good friends on the playa; izzy isn't afraid of eva (and curbing her anger before it reaches a boiling point) and eva is physically adept enough to restrain izzy from Shenanigans that might be a little Much. but eva doesnt really?? know anything about noah?? but izzy insists on teaming with him for the special (and unbeknownst to her noah wasnt even planning to participate initially) so he must be some level of Not Too Bad if izzy wants anything to do with him that doesnt seem to be related to tormenting the guy

and she thinks hes Fine. apathetic and detached and unpalatable (but then again, everyone in their little trio really is to some degree), but can kind of understand izzys intrigue: hes still A Guy, hes just hidden behind 20 layers of non-substance that are so offputting from the first meeting it makes people steer clear of him.

now with tddddi comes two other pertinent details: the justin line, and the Thing With Duncan.

i personally thing noahs 'he's the anti-me' line is really funny in the context of canon but if you squint it kinda works here? wherein justin is non-speaking yet flaunts himself to be the center of attention and clearly shows intent and capacity to scheme (underdeveloped or no, see: awakeathon), whereas noah speaks a lot yet lets himself fade into the background, showing vague hints of the capacity to scheme but no intention or palpable ambition behind it.

^ am i reaching? maybe. the other option here is noah somehow has seen him in-person before on a modeling or red carpet kind of gig and dislikes him on principle because of it/its a jab at it (smth smth they are both opposite ends of the same industry? justin is the face of it in a manner where noah stays behind the scenes and out of sight)

and the thing with duncan,, hear me out here okay noah does his whole song and dance, goes up to him and patronizes him, and duncan retaliates. however, he curses like a sailor and in noah's head has ruined the footage, therefore instead of further retaliating and potentially invoking actual physical harm he just. doesnt react. at all. duncan looks up at him and hes just dead-eyed staring down at him -- and then he leaves.

^ the scene has been ruined, and everyone else is doing so much that theres no reason to play it up any more. duncan and him arent plot important like how heather and lindsay were, theres no reason for the crew to painstakingly edit his swearing out. they just wont let it reach the final cut. duncan is understandably very confused by this, but at that point noah was already gone to find eva and izzy again (< this is when the cast having a running bet that noahs and android becomes Not a Joke)

but life goes on!!! and in the worlds worst comedy of errors (for noah), izzy ends up dragging him along into the lake, thereby leaving him as a confirmed member of the next season.

^ noah is so angry at this. popping blood vessels. he argues with chris endlessly, straight frothing at the mouth at only having two days of real reprieve before he has to deal with the Same Shit again. and chris gets this, to some degree, but also knows that if theres no explanation for noahs non-appearance to hand the producers, theyll be pissed (since all things considered, noahs pretty damn popular among the fans)

luckily for him, courtney just filed a lawsuit against the show!! and since chris is busy running said show, the producers do not want to deal with it and are willing to hand off the case to anyone else -- hence, chris officially signs noah on as his PA, and noah takes over the court settlements and whatnot.

< though i do imagine the producers would see it as a 'get out of the show' scheme, and thereby push way harder for his involvement in WT as a result

but noah does get a break!!! for now, at least.

[honeylikesyanderes]

yandere oc - karma elios

this is my first yandere OC!

i hope you enjoy :) 

18+ only! minors dni please

warning: contains yandere themes, stalking and other antisocial behaviours, afab reader

feel free to request scenarios. more fun facts and more specific headcanons (nsfw is allowed lol)

reblogs are greatly appreciated 🥺

-------------------------------------------------------

karmichael 'karma' elios - the ceo's son

age: 24

birthday: oct 7th

physical attributes:

chin length strawberry blonde hair

grey eyes

very tall (6'4)

tanned skin

freckles on every part of his body except his face and neck

slim yet muscular build

deep voice (his voice doesnt match his face)

always looks irritated tbh

personality traits:

is kind of two faced

likes to think outside the box and is very creative

very warm and kind to people he thinks are on his level

is very cold and aloof to people he deems inferior to him

is brutally honest

mostly introverted and likes to be alone

has a tendency to analyse situations and think deeply before taking any actions

meeting you:

you were hired as an intern for his father's company

you were extremely surprised because getting an internship at the Elios Group was very competitive

the email you received stated that you still had to attend an interview session before you could start

the day of the interview came up, and you were directed into the waiting room by a receptionist

you were met with about 50 other women who were also waiting for their interviews

you weren't really shocked cause you knew it would be competitive

but you were shocked because the women here all had similar features to you

as you were processing your thoughts, a tall young man walked in

you recognised him from the magazines

it was karma elios, the heir to the elios group

everyone fell silent when he came into the room

his eyes scanned every face in the room, while he maintained a neutral expression

but when his gaze landed on you, his lips twitched into a brief smile

he walked out without a word

everyone was confused

karma on the other hand was elated

he had been looking for you for years now

and finally he had found you

the girl that haunted his dreams for years.

the girl that he was hopelessly in love with.

he had you within reach

and he sure as hell isn't ever letting you go.

are they aware that they are a yandere? are they bothered by it?

absolutely. without a doubt. he knows he’s a yandere.

and he’s not really bothered by it because he comes from a family of yanderes, so this sort of behaviour has been normalised to him

yandere tendencies

yandere type: obsessive/manipulative

he had been looking for you for years, ever since he started having dreams with you in them

he wanted to find the girl who kept plaguing his dreams

the girl he eventually fell in love with

that being said, karma is a very unusual yandere

he will tell you about everything

from the dreams to the years long searching to now

and he says it in such a calm manner too

when he first told you, you thought it was a joke

only to realise that he was serious

he will also date/court you normally

you'll have no idea he's yandere tbh

he's just too quiet and a bit too straightforward for you to suspect anything

you’ll just think that he’s a bit of a control freak

what you dont know is that he bugged your apartment

and installed cameras everywhere

yes, even in the bathroom

he also bugged your office space at work

karma likes to know what's going on at all times

he also installed a tracker on your phone, as well as a microphone to record all your conversations

he has a group of undercover security agents follow you around everywhere for your 'protection'

wouldnt outright kidnap you but would manipulate the situation so you think youre making a choice

tbh karma is very manipulative

but he’s also very charming, so people have a tendency to make excuses for him rather than straight up noticing his behaviour

karma also has a tendency to steal your stuff such as clothes, plushies etc

he especially likes to steal your panties. 

fun facts/trivia:

karma has a birthmark under his lip; its usually not visible unless he bites his lower lip

he’s the eldest of his siblings and he has a younger sister and a brother

he has a degree in chemical engineering and he is a very hard worker

most people assume that his money is inherited but its actually his hard earned money

he created a product and sold the patent for a couple of million dollars

he’s a fan of piercings

karma is obsessed with strawberries and strawberry flavoured things

he cannot handle liquor at all

he likes to read and watch anime

he is extremely good at drawing and painting, and he does both in his free time

his favourite thing to draw/paint is portraits of you

he has a room full of them too

[rayne-the-neutrois-nerd]

heeyyyy

about those booktubers you mentioned that talk of a wide range of book types 👀 could you rec me some pretty please?

Yeah ofc!! I mean I should warn you is that they do mostly read fantasy, but they do have other favorites and genres they like, but fantasy is their favorite (...because fantasy is my favorite so ofc I follow the ones with similar tastes)

Daniel Greene- Talks about the scifi fantasy world as a whole, has a segment of videos called Fantasy News covering new fantasy stuff for all mediums, not just books. HUGE fan of The Wheel Of Time and tbh where I got a crap ton of my recs for fantasy series. He has tons of like, ranking videos and stuff just talking about the fantasy genre from newest to oldest to trad to indie and it's great. Also his bookshelf roasts are great.

A Clockwork Reader- One of the first I watched, is a big fan of like, soft fantasy? She used to say magical realism but then she and i learned that that is a latin american term and I forgot what the alternative for the name is for it, and google isn't helping. Her favorite book is The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern so, books like that, with that vibe. Should note is that for fantasy she does lean more towards ya but there is a good amount of adult in there. She loves classics and poetry as well and reads a good decent amount of nonfiction, especially if it's about intersectionality and feminism. I also like her voice, it's pretty soothing.

Unresolved Textual Tension- Technically a podcast, but they have youtube videos. I love these guys, they're so funny. I found them when they were tearing apart Lightlark and then other infamous books. But they do have plently of books they adore they talk about. AND THEIR OPINIONS ON STUFF DIFFER SOMETIMES!!! I love hearing them debate when one likes an element and the other doesn't. And even if the book is bad, they do still give compliments if they think something deserves it! And the opposite is the same too, if they don't like something in a book they love, they'll bring it up. They're really fair with their reviews. They inspiried me to pick up Temeraire and so far I'm liking it!

Holly Hearts Books- Okay to be fair I haven't checked in on her in a tad but from when I binged her stuff I loved how enthusiastic she is about fantasy. And she's not shy to admit if a book is technically bad even if she enjoyed it (because people can like bad things! Poorly written stuff can sometimes be fun and thats okay!). Or if it's a really well written book but just isn't her thing. She's another that also really loves to make sure she adds indie books into her collection instead of just trad stuff. (Or at least she was when I last watched. It's been a handful of months but eh)

Merphy Napier- Kind of like Daniel, but more focused on books. Occasionally she talks about other media but not super often. But she's also not fantasy-specfic and actually talks about a wide range of age ranges since she has kids and she sometimes talks about some good middle grade! It's just refreshing. Totally got me wanting to read Lies of Lock Lamura (Ugh fuck is that what it is??? Fuck...)

Elliot Brooks- Similar to Merphy but more just Adult Fantasy but does talk about some indie published stuff too. Haven't watched her in a tad but I do remember liking her takes.

Reads With Rachel- Okay we're getting into the handful of people who are more reviewers and are harsher?? with critques?? Rachel does have a ton of books that she's shared that she loves but she does offer good insight into bad books about WHY. And sometimes she reads bad books just to point out why they're harmful in a funny but respectful manner. Also if you wanna keep up to date with some shitty authors and who to stay away from and why, then her videos called Authors Behaving Badly are pretty good. She offers some good insight about a lot of things. Also VERY LOUDLY anti-book banning and censorship, to where she put some video evidence of her going to her like, town meetings about them and speaking out about it.

Crow Caller- Absolute ruthless longform videos about Why X Book Is Bad, but I feel they approach it more from "This is a learning experience, we can see what not to do by examining a work that doesn't get it right". Also funny. Mostly reviews like, christian-ish inspired book series because I think they're ex-catholic? Or thats just a topic she likes to dive into I dunno.

Tale Foundry- Okay this one is odd because it's more of a writing channel but they often use specific stories to showcase a trope, or technique, or magic system, etc etc. So I guess you can kinda use that as a reccommendation? I kinda do.

[raven]

I’m not trying to get you crucified here but tbh I would love to hear your locked tomb criticisms and feel validated in mine

So like im not a professional hater for it bc i simply didnt like it and i only make well thought out analyses if i enjoy the thing a lot for whatever reason and to me tlt is more of a whimper than a bang. so this isnt the most well thought out & its been a year or maybe 2 since i read it. but lets go. i read the first 2 books & not nona the ninth btw, and i enjoyed gideon for the most part due to I Love Murder Mysteries. but once its no longer a murder mystery(& confined to one location) i felt like the whole thing fell apart. (That being said i will suffer through a LOT for a murder mystery) harrow the ninth was like.. confusing and i know thats the point but it couldnt carry itself well enough. like i like confusing narratives i like nonsense and i like it when it doesnt make sense. but it just like. wasnt.. good? i really cant elaborate without rereading and i dont really want to. Also it was very predictable which, how can u be confusing and predictable, idk, ask harrow the ninth

so like anyways the writing is pretty annoying. i cant say its bad writing because it's competent enough but it's like oh my god you referenced this meme from 2016 tumblr you are SO. FUNNY. like i felt like as soon as i would be like "ok this is real im getting into it" someone would drop the dumbest line in the entire world that was a reference to an outdated meme. (I wish i took notes in my book to give you an example but like... you know exactly what im talking about if you've read any of it lmfao) people are like "gideon is just annoying" and yeah, she really was, but her narration in the first book had much fewer meme references and it was therefore sooo much more tolerable imo. Like harrow was genuinely SO bad for it. but both books i read felt very very juvenile. like people will be like "it is NOT ya" but then why does it feel like ya. like ya isnt just subject matter, i would argue that the defining feature in all the ya i read as a teen was in its tone and style. and tlt totally has a similar tone. in an annoying way. like "oh funny and relatable" but like due to everyone talking like a 17 year old from tumblr.com in the year 2015 it was not like, atmospheric at all. and a lot of harrow the ninth is about The Vibe. And the vibe was not coming across well. it just completely prevented me from feeling like i was in another world in like, any way. and this is a pretty fantastical setting..

and now we move on to the fandom of it all. i saw a really good post a few days ago that i did not reblog or save but it was criticizing how ianthe specifically was written like, intentionally playing into fandom troping and it genuinely shows so hard and it's really annoying. like. ok. so i told my friend that ianthe was just discount nanami from utena. and they were like "that is not true because ianthe is a discount homestuck character, also how dare you say that about nanami." (Idk anything about homestuck so i cant tell you any more there) but isnt that crazy. she is a knock off of many. anyways so like her whole purpose is to i dont know. fuck things up in an incredibly non threatening manner? like she was not necessary but its like Omg #Failgirl! god i wish i could find the post because i am not putting it into words

i also generally found the relationships and characters to be pretty uncompelling. like i didnt really care about gideon and harrow it was like woah they like each other now. wasnt really feelin it. i know a lot of people like it and thats fine though. the characters i liked the best were camilla and palamedes and then they dropped the bomb that palamedes was a heterosexual and i was genuinely so upset. like the man had fag vibes. "Oh he could be bisexual" the thing is that he wasnt though. soooooo. this is like so unimportant but i really did feel very betrayed. bc like gay people exist in the series. and not him..? fuck off

Ok thats all for now good bye if anyone want me to reread the books and take notes and critique for real give me money i would do it and i would be so thorough. but i know i dont do these things often so you cant really trust my analysis skills so thats fine. anyways. yeah. um anon if you have thoughts on the books let me know i love to read them tbh. sorry this post is so long i am on my cell phone and i feel like it doesnt deserve a read more. sorry

[mermaidsirennikita]

my week in review

Monday: put in two weeks’ notice

Wednesday: call the university I graduated from two years ago figure out how to get a reprint of my diploma for Future Plans and Applications.  university is like “hmm, you actually NEVER FUCKING GRADUATED, because your application was cancelled”.  I suspect that this has to do with an issue with them transferring my study abroad credits over (I did a bunch of credits in Italy, like 30 or so, but I also... did a ton of fucking credits in the States, and in fact it wouldn’t matter either way because of the fact that all of my study abroad credits were under my university’s umbrella anyway) but they tell me I never applied to graduate, and I’m like funny because I FUCKING WALKED and my entire family attended the graduated with tickets I never could have gotten had I not WALKED which I was only able to do because I APPLIED TO GRADUATE TWO YEARS AGO and was never notified of another occurrence.  university is like “uhhhh this has never happened before we’re looking into it.”

Thursday (night): I’m driving home from work (an hour commute by the way, hence the two weeks and new job) when my car’s spark plug blows.  I do not know this because I know cars, I know this because it’s the third time in SIX FUCKING WEEKS that this has happened.  first time was the day before I moved, so I needed it done and paid $400 to have a new plug installed and a coil replaced.  second time I was visiting home and was stuck for five fucking days while another shop (the good guys in town, supposedly) just said that it wasn’t installed “super well” so they fixed it for another $100.  I’m like so y’all didn’t even look into it right, whatever.  I drive home and must wait ‘til morning to do anything about it.

Friday: after calling in at work and probably fucking up any chance of a reference with my boss because I look like a MAJOR ASSHOLE, I drive my incredibly poorly running car to a mechanic in town because the tow truck my insurance would have covered would have taken an hour to get there.  within 2 hours the mechanic comes out and is like I’m so sorry, the first mechanic incorrectly installed the spark plug (a thing I could have done myself had I had the part and the knowledge, people do this) and your motor is ruined, you basically need a new engine, you should scrap this car (it’s a 2007 Mazda) because it will cost $4,400 to fix this car that we paid 3k for.  also, you should get a lawyer because that’s how bad this was.  I go home and sob for a couple hours because I didn’t want a car payment what with my plans to leave the country in a year, but also because this is all a FUCKING LOT, never mind all this other shit that’s been happening for a good two months now. but then I go into this weird fugue state where I’m like “It Must Be Done” and so I grab a fucking Lyft to go to a Hyundai dealership and I walk in and it’s like... I can think of a few times in my life where I suddenly become this cold to the world other entity who is like “this must be done and it must be done to these requirements” and it just kinda.... happens?  like I think shock just carries me through?  so I spend hours negotiating and I’ve got this migraine building but I’m also like, laughing and wheedling with these fucking car people, and due to my massive student loans I’m kind of assuming I won’t be approved because I wasn’t a year ago, but then I am?  for the payment I wanted?  and the car is (supposedly) good?  

so I began the morning with one car and then I end the day with another, I go home in this fucking car and throw up in my apartment because I’m just exhausted, and I look at my phone and it’s an email from my university being like “uh......... our bad here’s ur degree” and.  nobody can say I’m not a woman of action when it must be done, I suppose?

[hellacioushag]

tw: abuse/sexual assault

the hypocrisy of people using faux outrage about others drawing parallels between tamlin and azriel’s stories when they didn’t bat an eye about someone drawing similarities between a rapist and a sexual assault survivor to justify their shipping needs is astounding. if you read the post no one was saying tamlin and azriel are the same. i’m gonna detail my own thoughts on why these two mirror each others narrative, but with key differences. 

abusive childhoods:

i feel like people forget that both tamlin and azriel were victims of an abusive household. the key difference is azriel’s history has made him want to defend those who cannot defend themselves/punish those who are the perpetrators of violence while tamlin gave into his anger and violence at the world. it’s a classic tale of being an abuse victim. you either grow up to separate yourself from your past and do better than your parents or you become just like them. 

tamlin’s brothers would have murdered him as a babe in his bassinet if they suspected he had potential or desire for the high lord position. we also know tamlin’s father held slaves and was aligned with others who shared his view of the world in the war. pair these bits together and we can assume tamlin’s father was a more aggressive and violent father than even beron is. tamlin grew up in a home where he did not feel safe. and when his father tasked tamlin with finding out his enemy’s secrets tamlin obliged. 

he was present and possibly participated in the butcher and murder of rhys’ family. this was a significant moment for tamlin’s turn into becoming an abuser like his father. he could have lied, he could have denied knowing the information about rhys’ mother and sister, but instead he gave that information over to his father knowing he was signing a death warrant. some could argue that he may have done this because of his own father’s abusive tendencies toward him, but this was the moment imo that tamlin went from a victim to a predator. 

as for azriel we all know the abuse he suffered by his family. how his brothers tortured him and tried to have him killed. how he was denied any affection or love growing up and was taught that his existence was a stain on his family’s reputation. azriel could have easily turned into an abuser himself the way tamlin did, but being dumped into the illyrian camps and finding cassian and rhys saved him from that fate. his brotherhood with them was the turning point for azriel to no longer be a victim, but a survivor. 

anger issues:

you can’t deny that both tamlin and azriel suffer with anger and control issues. it’s clear in the text they both have a barely contained, deep-seated anger that could be deathly when let loose. the key difference is tamlin has no one to reign him in, no one of his equal to calm that rage. azriel has this support system and has been shown to have utilized it when needed. i’m not going to go into a full analysis on all the examples, but I will point out the main ones I think we all know.

tamlin’s explosive anger was shown when he blew apart the library when feyre and he disagreed about her safety measures in acomaf. he could have easily hurt her had she not had magic to protect her (as seen when this same moment was repeated in acowar). tamlin let his rage and helplessness consume his every thought about protecting the person he loved and instead became the very threat he sought to protect her from. he let his paranoia about her being in danger prevent him from listening to her needs and locked her in a cage. this in itself was abusive, there’s no arguing this point. the part to note is that he as a high lord had no one of equal measure to talk him down, to help him see reason. when lucien tried to step in he was dismissed and abused himself. when feyre tried to speak up on her own behalf tamlin refused to listen and as high lord his word/wants/needs were law in his lands. he had no one who could provide a healthy perspective and so left unchecked he continued his abusive behavior.

azriel’s cold, lethal anger was shown when he exploded at the meeting with the high lords in acowar and attacked eris for a slight against mor. he was inches from letting the rage take hold of him and ending eris’s life. feyre, his high lady and friend, was able to calm him down and make him see reason. azriel is a trained spy and torture master, he’s supposed to be able to keep a cool head in high stressed situations, to act unemotionally to get his job done. however reliving the trauma of seeing a broken mor and imagining eris leaving her there consumed him with rage he could no longer contain. i’m not here to justify his actions. mor’s own trauma of seeing azriel fly off the deep end is enough for me to condemn his behavior. i am however pointing out that i think his reaction was not just about mor, but about reliving his own helplessness and loss of control and letting it consume him into a lethal rage. 

the key difference with tamlin and azriel’s moments of all consuming rage is that azriel had someone to talk him down and let him see reason. tamlin refused the help of his own support system (lucien/feyre) and instead gave into his abusive and volatile tendencies. azriel could have easily done that same, but because of his brotherhood and friendships he has people to pull him back from the edge. 

desire for love and acceptance:

both tamlin and azriel (and all characters in this series tbh) have a strong desire to love and be loved in return. the problem is when that desire for love becomes an obsession and entitlement. it becomes harmful when you think you’re owed something. 

tamlin let his desire for feyre become obsessive. he had his soldiers hunt her down to drag her back to his home. he refused to accept that she was happy and healing away from him because he was in despair without her. he couldn’t fathom that she could be finding peace when he was being torn apart. he allied himself with monsters because he convinced himself that his love for feyre was the stuff of legend and that he was acting in a heroic manner. and even when he found out that she had a mate, something that is considered a sacred bond above all things to their people, he refused to accept that the cauldron/the mother/fate could be so cruel to deny him his happily ever after. feyre was his and he would reclaim her no matter what. he would defy the mother herself for his love. the problem with this is that he did not take into account feyre’s needs. when you love someone you put their needs above your own. he didn’t care that feyre was mated, that she loved rhys, because his obsession for her and belief that she belonged to him outweighed all reason. his love for her turned toxic if you can even call it love to begin with. 

azriel is a bit different, but the parallels are there. he’s not at the obsessive point yet (masturbating to pain killers notwithstanding) and he may never get there. one could argue he spent 500+ years being obsessed with mor, but his support system held him in check. that when he saw mor flirting and sleeping with others he leaned on his brothers, on cassian, to distract him and help him through the pain of knowing the person he loved didn’t love him back. and regarding elain i think whatever is between them is entirely too new to relate it to his feelings for mor, but it’s also looking to be just as unhealthy. he didn’t bat an eye about fighting lucien in a blood duel and seemed to welcome the challenge. he knows that if lucien were to die that pain could destroy elain. even if she doesn’t love lucien, has not accepted the mating bond, she and he are soulbound. if he were to die it could shatter her, but he didn’t seem to think of that consequence at all. 

when he questioned the wisdom of making them mates in the first place, when he claimed “what if the cauldron was wrong?” and then rationalized his thoughts by saying 3 sisters for 3 brothers.... this is a callback to tamlin refusing to believe the cauldron would deny him love by mating feyre to rhys. questioning why he doesn’t have a mate of his own isn’t inherently bad, but implying that because his brothers found mates with 2 of 3 sisters so lucien doesn’t deserve the 3rd is. when he doesn’t talk to his brother about why he desires elain and instead talks about why fate has robbed him of a sister it stands to reason why rhys would take exception to this way of thinking. it’s bordering on toxic and i’m glad rhys was there to pull rank on azriel. 

are tamlin and azriel the same?

no, didn’t you listen to anything said? they are not the same and the key difference as to why is because azriel has a support system of brothers and friends that he can rely on to keep him in check. tamlin has pushed away any form of support and has embraced his beastly abusive behavior. saying that their story parallels is not saying azriel is an abuser like tamlin. it’s pointing out why tamlin’s story is a cautionary tale for azriel’s future journey. it’s outlining that while they may share similar aspects of an abusive past, anger issues, and longing for love and affection they are not the same people at their core because of the way they deal with their trauma. 

[strong-as-a-tree]

Hello there! I saw that the requests were open and I had an idea. Levi saves a boy in town one day. (The boy has stolen something and the shopkeeper is chasing him, or something like that.) The boy's mother is looking for her son in town and they meet by chance. this is how levi and the reader meet. After the incident, the reader and Levi often meet by chance in town, and Levi learns that the reader is prostituting to earn money. Levi remembers his mother and childhood, deeply attached to the woman and her child, constantly contemplating the two, wanting to protect them, want to offer a better life (because he knows well the brothel hygiene standards and way of life). But since he is a soldier, there is no guarantee that he will survive tomorrow, and he does not want to make promises that he cannot fulfill. he is very in love with the reader, but his heart and mind are telling him to do different things. one evening he goes on a date with the reader and tells her everything. I didn't think about the reader's reaction, but I want it to have a happy ending. if it's a very detailed and strange request, you can ignore it. have a nice day 🙆🏻‍💖️💖 (english is not my first language, sorry for mistakes)

Hey there!

First I would like to apologize for the late reply, I loved your idea so much and I didn't knew how to write it. The idea is cute I was afraid to disappoint you... Tbh I'm still afraid you might not like it.

I hope you won't mind that I made it as a semi - headcanons? Your idea is so elaborate, I feel like it should be a fic!

MASTERLIST

Every months Levi would go shopping in town to refill his tea collection, he liked the short escape from his kid scouts.

No noises, no yellings coming from annoying brats, yeah he liked that.

His peace was suddenly interrupted when a young boy ran into him, the brat was going to ignore the gown man and escape but Levi grabbed his collar before it could happen.

“Oi! Let me go! He is going to find me!” said the boy, his face was red from running, and his clothes were dirty. Levi looked down at him, “What did you stole brat?”

The Captain quickly deduced that the boy was poor based on his ragged clothes and the fact that he was so thin. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the kid had stolen something.

“It’s none of your busi-”, Levi ignored the boy and took the stolen good from his hands. Levi’s eyes widened in confusion, he expected to see food but the boy had stolen lotion?

“OIII! GIVE IT BACK! MY MOM NEED IT!” screamed the boy as he tried to take back the lotion.

Levi heard a voice from behind him, which he assumed was the merchant looking for the kid.

“Tch”

Levi took the child's hand in his and pulled him away from the shopkeeper; after they were far enough away, he returned the lotion to the boy.

The boy looked at him angrily and was about to run away when a voice stopped him;

“Elliott ?! I told you to not talk to strangers!”

Levi turned around to warn the woman, who he assumed was the boy's mother, that she should keep a closer eye on her brat, but he halted when his gaze met hers.

Long h/c h/l hair, a dirty white dress hugging her [BODY TYPE] body. She was beautiful there was no denying in that.

“Mom!”, the boy ran to his mother, “Look I found you some lotion for your arm!”

“Elliott, you didn’t need to do that!” said the woman as she patted the boy’s head.

After a few awkward glances between you and Levi, you thanked him for taking your son away from the merchant and you both went your separate way.

Levi had no intention of seeing you again anytime soon, yet he found himself in town more frequently than usual. He eventually noticed you again, and the two of you began to chat. Of course, he noticed how you went to the market every Tuesday, but that isn't why he chose to do the same thing from now on. It was purely coincidental.

Elliott would always be by your side, keeping a close eye on Levi and preventing him from getting too close to you. Levi was startled by how protective the kid was with his mother.

“Elliott could you go buy some bread over there?” you asked your son pointing at the bakery in front of you. “And I said buy, not steal right?” you added as you handed him one of the few coins that you managed to get this week.

As Elliott went to the bakery, Levi asked you why Elliott was so protective.

You looked down at your feet, you grew to enjoy the cold man’s company. You were afraid to tell him the truth, so you mumbled, "I, well, he doesn't like when men get too close to me..." hoping he wouldn't ask any more questions.

Normally Levi would have never insisted to know, but he had a feeling he should look further into it, the fact that your son was wary of men and that when he first met you, Elliott had stolen a lotion for your injured arm, yeah, all of these made him suspicious.

“Why?” he simply asked.

You bit your lips, “I- I, men pay me for... y’know”, you almost whispered, Levi was frozen in place, you frowned your eyebrows, “I get it if you don’t want to be associated with me, don’t worry” you said with a sad look on your face. You secretly hoped Levi would have reacted differently. 

You headed to the bakery, leaving the Captain. 

But soon enough a hand grabbed your wrist, you turned back to see the raven haired man with a conflicted look on his face.

“I’m sorry, y-you just remind me of someone...”

You wanted to ask him who he was thinking about but Elliott had returned with the bread.

“Mom, I got the br-”, the small child came to a halt in the middle of his sentence as he spotted the Captain's hand still wrapped around your wrist. His innocent-looking face abruptly changed into a hostile snarl, and he smacked the man's hand away from yours without hesitation. The courageous kid adopted a protective posture in front of you.

“Don't touch her,” he said sternly, instead of his normal cheerful tone.

Levi's eyes widened in astonishment at the boy's behavior; his first instinct was to scold the brat, but his mind wandered back to his own mother and younger self. He would have acted in a similar manner if she had lived longer.

Y/n ‘s face slowly morphed into his mother’s, he remembered how scared he felt when men came to visit her in her bedroom, how angry at the word he had became at such a young age.

His thoughts were interrupted by your voice, “Elliott, he wasn’t hurting me” you said with a soft voice to your son. You were now on your knees, facing your little boy, Elliott had angry tears in his eyes, which you wiped away. “Thank you for being such a good kid, but the Captain wasn't harming me y'know,” 

After this incident, Levi kept spending time with you, images from his own childhood kept invading his mind when he looked at you and Elliott.

The Captain was desperate for you to leave the brothel, he became terrified that history would repeat itself and you’ll become ill with no one to help you. But what could he do? He was a soldier, soon enough he’ll have to leave for god’s know how long.

Finally, right before an expedition, Levi took you and Elliott to a modest apartment in town, when you arrived there you looked at him cluelessly, “You don’t have to live in the brothel anymore, I rented it for you.”.

You immediately told him that you couldn’t accept it, that it was too much, but Levi didn’t want to hear anything, and for once Elliott sided with the Captain, marveling at every details of the small apartment.

Elliott convinced you to accept the gift, but you still felt uncomfortable, so when Elliott finally fell asleep in his new bedroom, you went back to the kitchen and asked Levi for some explanations.

With some hesitation at first, the Captain finally told you about his childhood, and how terrified he was to find out one day, that you followed his mother’s faith. You took the soldier in your arms, and comforted him.

That night, Levi stayed at the apartment and slept for more than 4 hours in your arms. The next day he left for the expedition, but for the first time he felt he had something to come back to. He could maybe teach Elliott some fighting tips when he come back ?

[nhaomei]

Omen headcanons under the cut!

So the new update gave us a little more info on multiple things yes? So in this essay I will talk about a few Omen conspiracy theories-

First off, we have the "Dark Side Beyond" spray. I think what we see is a portal (or maybe some kind of mirror? could be both tbh), showing us what is most likely Split, which is also very heavily influenced by Kingdom, might be even Kingdom HQ as far as we know. Everything is black inside, just like Radianite, so what if this "Dark side beyond" is the original source of Radianite? It looks like some kind of alternate world, the same as the current world but at the same time, the polar opposite. Omen has the taunt towards Sage: "The life you give, do you ever wonder where it's taken from?" he might be referring to this place, I'm gonna get back to this in a second...

So, we have the "Experiment X011" card, which made me think of Omen immediately. They might not be connected whatsoever, but the "light" ascaping from the stone in a similar manner as it escapes Omen makes me assume he is heavily related to these events, which might be even how he became a Radiant in the first place. Kingdom has taken notice of the giant piece of *glowing* Radianite and they went to investigate, which can be seen on the card. They found it strange, they haven't really seen shit like that before so they started experimenting on it, unaware that Omen was inside of it. Maybe when he got "hit", as a reaction the Radianite formed around him? Who knows I'm just writing what comes to mind here. So Omen got out Aang-style, then Kingdom continued on with the experiments on him, enhancing his abilities, but tearing him apart over and over again in the process. It was Sabine who was there to patch him up,  that's how they met, when she still used to heal. My thoughts on this matter are  all over the place so I will probably get back to these later? Hmm. Knowing myself probably not.

Let's get back to "Dark Side Beyond" for a second. The origins of this substance (probs Radianite) might have come from such a portal, pulling/forcing part of the other world with it. This might have collided with Omen when he was still a human, making him become a pretty fucked up Radiant, fusing him with the part of the world that has been pulled onto earth...? That caused Omen to co-exist in both worlds at once, but struggle to stay consistent. If he were to die in one world, he will still live in the other. Omen is constantly talking about him having to keep it together, or "I feel the strain... block it out Omen! (...) I can feel her (Sage) pull against the natural balance." So back to Sage: I think she has to take lifeforms in order to revive someone else, and these souls just happened to be pulled by her from the "dark side beyond" to the real world to revive someone, a life for a life and all. Now Omen can feel her disrupt that alternate world, pulling her hand on the scale and upsetting the "balance".

Okay I'm done for now, cheers! Opinions?

[cyanoscarlet]

20/20 vision ☀️🎁 "He’s being saved again, comes the rueful thought. How many times does that make it, now?" The sheer *clenches fist* BACKGROUND in this line, how DARE you dani. This is the line that spawned my train of thought, I hope you're happy. Reducing me to angstful tears as I think about backstories and the potential in a hospital.

...... Aiyah...... (breaks into nervous sweats)

I’ll preface this with the fact that 20/20 vision, too, was a product of post-duty chaotic-brain-ing while on a coffee high, so thank you again! THANK YOU so much. Forever over the moon over this! <3

List of fic asks here!

He’s being saved again, comes the rueful thought. How many times does that make it, now?

20/20 vision, bungou stray dogs

(In which Chuuya is an ophthalmologist, Dazai is his optometrist, and they slowly fall in love.)

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☀️ -  Was there any symbolism/motifs you worked in? 

Apart from the obvious references to eyes, some of the other passages used in this story are, indeed, metaphors for certain aspects of Dazai and Chuuya’s relationship, as well as Chuuya’s developing feelings for Dazai— many of them I’ve only derived from rereading this fic again and again just now, you’ll note!

Just a few major ones among the many:

The business proposition - Dazai does mean it literally, but yeah, he’s also taken interest in Chuuya himself, and wants them to be in a relationship. Chuuya himself is at first tolerant, then accepting of it, which runs parallel to his growing thoughts and feelings for Dazai. The way he keeps track of how many times Dazai has said this now is indicative of that. He is still hesitant, of course— be it due to confusion or to career-related reasons, but Dazai is and will always be willing to wait for Chuuya, hence the gentle, persistent reminder every time he visits.

Also, yes, the ending part in which Chuuya calls back to this is totally him saying ‘yes’ to Dazai— tantamount to a love confession, if you will. The essence of that whole last conversation, in light of everything that has happened before it, makes the story come full circle in its own way. There is always something sweet about saying ‘I love you’ without actually saying it, and the symbolism of the business proposition works really well for this whole purpose.

The spare glasses - It reflects both Dazai’s long-term familiarity with (everything about) Chuuya at this point, and the fact that no matter what, Chuuya will always have a safe space (home) with Dazai himself, eye problems and friendship and everything in between. You have Chuuya ruminating on his pride and principles and admitting his own faults, and he can just be all of that— that is, himself, when he is with Dazai. And Dazai knows this, too: “You didn’t have to ask, you know.”

The coffee and prescriptions - In the more literal sense, it’s Dazai being his disaster himself + creating trouble (coffee), and Chuuya having to take care of him (prescriptions), albeit a bit more hilariously unwilling on his part. Subconsciously, Dazai is always wanting to keep Chuuya’s attention on him, hence the repeat offenses, but Chuuya is always willing to forgive him those anyway / shower the attention that Dazai wants. Similarly, the wine / coffee discussions represent their individual differences, and what Chuuya thinks of them. They do try their best to meet in the middle, though, coming to an understanding / compromise of sorts— you see this in the ending, too, when they go out drinking.

A note on Kunikida, and his relationship/s with Dazai and with Chuuya - Kunikida, in this story, is Dazai’s old classmate from college, and is currently Chuuya’s colleague in a different department. Although it may appear that Dazai and Kunikida seem a bit more dismissive of each other, they do have a good relationship founded on common ground (science / statistical analysis), which Chuuya does not share with Dazai (literature / writing). You are right in that this makes Chuuya and Kunikida good foils of each other, yet they, too, have a good relationship / understanding despite their differences, both as individuals (Chuuya in Ophthalmology and Kunikida in Internal Medicine) and within their respective relationships with Dazai (Chuuya being more tolerant / forgiving as the newer friend, and Kunikida being more strict / stern, as the older friend).

.

On the more headcanon-y stuff (which I really don’t think I’ll be able to write at this point because my brain is already decidedly chaotic as fuck hahaaahah), a couple of lines I’ve picked up that can be expanded on are:

1. Chuuya and 20/20 vision - As you may have probably sensed from his character (and it totally fits him in canon), he never really wanted to be a doctor. He even had a rebellious streak in college for it. He still ends up in med school, though, but he doesn’t have a direct goal / direction in life at this point. This is represented by his worsening visual acuity, which, yes, was directly caused by constantly burning the midnight oil while studying. He’s stuck in a field he doesn’t want, yet tries his best, way too much, that he just gets lost. It is at this low point in his life that he meets Dazai, and his life changes. He gets glasses, tries to make sense of his life (regain 20/20 vision), and where to go from there. And Dazai, god bless him, is always there, always has his back for the whole ride: He’s being saved again, comes the rueful thought. How many times does that make it, now? They fall in love along the way, and it takes very long for them to reach the endgame, but they do, and it is beautiful. Chuuya’s 20/20 vision is his contentment with his life now, and a forever with Dazai. It’s the best view he could ever wish for, and he is very happy with it.

2. Chuuya, Mori-sensei and Promises - A very different version of Chuuya learning from (and in turn, being influenced by) Mori from Fifteen (Pre-canon) Arc. I don’t have a solid one for this tbh, but let’s just say an encounter with Mori greatly changes Chuuya’s outlook and makes him choose Ophthalmology as his specialty, the way he comes to swear loyalty to Mori and the Port Mafia in canon. No real solid connection with Dazai, in this case, but feel free to make of it what you will! I’m not quite imaginative enough for this hahaha.

... Okay, that was long. (sweatdrops)

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🎁 -  Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this? 

First of all, do not drink brewed coffee at lunch time and end up with nearing 48 hours of palpitations later. Also, do not be like Dazai and drink 18 cups of coffee in one sitting, holy crap. I don’t think even Kunikida can save you from that if you do end up going over that literal and proverbial edge.

All that crap aside (which I do mean in earnest!), this idea totally came from a simple desire headcanon of Chuuya in prescription glasses. This, in turn, was influenced by downtime chats with my triage partner for that day, my classmate from med school now doing Ophthalmology residency. There were also other small things that happened to me IRL, like the way the lenses of my false glasses quickly yellowed within days of purchase, and the unexpected offer of free brewed coffee. Bottom line, take cues from real life; it’s a fun goldmine of tales tall and short, and you’ll have fun telling those because they are first and foremost yours. 

Similar to this, take note of the small things around you— pay attention to the way the leaves are swept by the wind, the way she crosses the street, the taste of the coffee you drink. Then describe those in your head— what I find works best for me is both immersing myself in the scenario and staying outside of it, like controlling a video game character / avatar, in a way. That way, I can develop my sentences in a vivid manner yet stay objective. (This is a bit harder to explain, actually.)

Most of all, write what works best for you, no matter what style you use. One quote I remember from English writing class (yet another gen-ed pre-req subject boohoo) states: “Write in white heat; revise in cold blood.” When you are struck by the idea, write it down. Let the ideas take over your fingers and let yourself get carried away. I admit that I really didn’t think through the plot of this very fic myself; I just let myself go until I was done a few hours later. This heat-of-the-moment writing high rarely happens to me (I wish it happened more often!), but I find that what I do come up with when I don’t think things through ends up a final product I quite like, other people’s feedback aside. The editing later is another story; don’t be afraid to critique your own work and adjust accordingly, if you feel that it will make the story better. (This part I have a decidedly much harder time with, but it’s still good advice, so I’m putting that down here, as well.)

.

Okay, that got reeeeeaaaaallyyyyyy long, now. Aegis really be pushing me to my limits every time we talk, and it’s making me grow and learn more about writing and about myself. I’m really, really grateful for this ask. I hope you all enjoyed reading this, too!

List of fic asks here!

[jaeausten]

My thoughts on Sanditon 1x06 (Beware, here be spoilers...)

Okay, up until now I have been watching Sanditon with mixed feelings, most of it positive, but Sundays episode left me screaming WTF at my tv.

In this house, Andrew Davies is a legend. His television adaptations of the classics has always let me soak into the world of Austen, Dickens etc and has been a welcome escape from the various shitty things in my life. He has been adapting books for tv series for decades and I thought that Sanditon was going to be full of the things I love about Jane Austen’s works and subsequent adaptations (wit, satire, self possessed, independent thinking heroines and intelligent, impeccably behaved heroes) with anything else left strictly to the imagination. Austen’s works have always had elegance and propriety to them (even when dealing with sex and ruin) that simply does not appear in this adaptation. There is such a sense of pandering to modern tastes in this episode of Sanditon that I cannot get past...or forgive. This is not an Austen adaptation and I am a little upset that Andrew Davies has interpreted Austen like this. People like Austen for all the subtlety and repressed sexual tension and although Jane did not write more than 11 chapters of Sanditon, surely Andrew has had enough experience dealing with this genre and original material to have written the rest of the story the way Jane might actually have intended.

Anyway, to the episode. I was literally jumping in my seat at the end of episode 1x05 when Charlotte set off on her plucky adventure to Set Things Right and help bring Georgiana home. But when this episode started, it soon became clear that Charlotte had arrived in London with only the flimsiest scrap of a plan and little to no money! (Note- In the rest of the series, Charlotte can be impulsive, but not stupid). Next, Charlotte is made to demonstrate another act of uncharacteristic stupidity by aimlessly wandering around the back streets and alleyways near the docks acting the fresh country girl ripe for the plucking. And of course, someone grabs her. She is rescued by Sidney, but this trope of stupid, naive country girl puts herself in a dangerous situation and has to be rescued by the hero pisses me off.

Oh, and Fyi costume designer, Charlotte should be wearing her hair up, UP, UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP!!! 

When Sidney tells Charlotte off in the carriage, I kind of thought that he had a point; reminding her that there can be other motives for marriage than love, but her looking shocked that this could be so surprises me as she has not previously written to be so naive. But, if you see it from her point of view, Otis rocked up looking dandy af a couple of episodes ago (I’m assuming that Charlotte thought that Otis might not need Georgiana’s money with that snazzy outfit on) and spouting romantic feelings and the telling of a genuinely funny first meeting with Georgiana made her think that it was for love and that it must be prejudice as his fortune has been made from slavery! Charlotte accuses Sidney of being less than forthcoming about his objections to Otis and he is pissed that his vague af explanation did not satisfy our independent thinking heroine. But as I see it, if you can be a first class asshole and scream into the heroine’s face while losing your temper in the street, you sure as hell can be explicit about why you ask someone to keep an extra eye on your ward. Just saying....

Also, Sidney’s behaviour throughout this series to Charlotte has been so far from an Austen hero and has made me dislike him so intensely that I have rooted for young Stringer as Charlotte’s eventual husband (though we all know that’s not going to happen, don’t we). An Austen hero never lets his anger show too strongly nor bellows at the heroine in the street. But apart from the story, good manners in that era and at that social level would prohibit any true gentleman from doing so. 

Andrew, if you are not going to follow Austen’s style, then place it in the proper confines of the period. Good fucking manners always prevail!!!!!!!!!

Taking Charlotte to a Brothel?!?!?!?!?!? Gently bred females do not get taken by an Austen hero to a brothel, Jesus Christ! Would this happen in reality? Not really! This scene seems to have been lifted out of the pages of a bodice ripper (not that I have any objection to bodice rippers- I frequently read and love them myself- but in an Austen? No, just no).

Charlotte preventing Sidney from beating the shit out of Otis for ruining Georgiana’s rep with a gentle plea while he reigns in his rage for her by focusing on her face, oh my heart... Still not Austen tho...

There’s finally a flash of the old sensible Charlotte when she figures out that Georgiana might still be held in London, whoops, I sneezed, back to the naive country girl trope that doesn’t fit. 

Ewwwww, the fat, misogynistic fucker making a joke about breaking in horses being similar to handling wives while drooling over a forcibly restrained woman just had to be in there didn’t it?  

It just bugs me why Clara, Edward and Esther don’t seem to take Lady Denham seriously when she has said repeatedly thought the entire series so far that none of them will benefit monetarily from her death, yet when the will is eventually found, Clara and Edward are outraged when nothing is left to them?

I can’t decide if Charlotte is still the annoying country girl from the beginning of the episode or the plucky heroine determined to find out the truth when she refuses to stay in the carriage when Sidney goes into the brothel where he is clearly a regular member...

‘You haven’t made an honest man of our Mr Parker, have you?’ 

‘GrAcIOuS NOOOO!’

Sidney’s face. One second of pained outrage. Classic!

Ooooohhhhhhh, a dramatic carriage chase. Area man in a cravat leaping to another carriage to bring the horses to a halt and rescue a girl. Melodrama meets western...

Oh look, Clara has found the hidden will and taken the time to put on a new dress and villain smirk of crazed triumph. Fuck off luv!

Oh. My. God.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jumping each other and having grunting, rough af sex on the cold marble floor to seal their devils deal? Um, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

This is the most unAusten disgrace of the entire episode. This is what almost made me turn off the tv, but I wanted to see what else happened in the episode, so I put it on mute and glanced through my fingers occasionally. Wtf, Andrew Davies! You are so much better than this! Your experience and Austen lovers could have done without a gratuitous sex scene. Not only was it uncharacteristic in a work claiming to be based on an Austen, but it was jarring with the melodrama of the rest of the episode and quite clumsy in it’s execution. It took me completely off guard and tbh, it was fucking gross.

Here that? It’s poor Jane Austen, spinning in her grave...

Georgiana is restored to the bosom of her cold hearted guardian. Or is he? Finally, a Austenian trope! Thank fuck! Misunderstood asshole who can be capable of compassion and clearing an unworthy gentleman’s debts with his wealth to make the heroine realise he is not a complete dickhead? Can you guess which Austen hero I‘m referring to?

A manly heart to heart is in order. This is a scene that would never be in an Austen as Jane never wrote a scene that she herself could not have experienced, but I’ll let that go if it means Sidney won’t stay a twat...

Oh dear Lord, Charlotte doubts herself because she feels she has disappointed Sidney. Heroine doubts her previous harsh judgement of the hero is so Austen, I both cheered and groaned. Yay Austen! Nay Charlotte having a bad opinion of her own instincts which have been written to appear to come out of her perceived sheltered lifestyle and naivety. On the one hand, she is written as knowing nothing much about real life and needs firm handling to avoid becoming a complete idiot, and yet she is also written to understand architecture and shows clear headedness when old Stringer breaks his leg. I’m having trouble with this pendulum swinging here!

Dear God, why is Charlotte’s hair all scruffy like that? Why is it still not UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was rooting for Otis and Georgiana, but Otis proved himself kind of a douchebag. Georgiana realises that Otis is spouting bullshit when he says he only boasted of her beautiful soul to the gambling fucker, when in reality he had been dangling her and her fortune to appease a creditor. He seems sincere when he apologises though and it’s clear he does love her. But he wants to have his cake and eat it, so Georgiana out...

Oooh, that total sweetheart Babbington just showed up! I have to keep reminding myself that he isn’t Grenn from Got looking fit af in his regency gear. Rawr...

Why in the actual fuck is Charlotte refusing invitation to a London masquerade ball? Who does that? Sidney obviously expects her to be cheered right up by this and damn it, I do to! Georgiana is back safe and sound (almost) and Sanditon is about to be saved by the Regatta! She doesn’t feel sociable!? Her being sad by Sidney’s apparent bad opinion of her? Fuck that shit! Have some fucking self respect and get out there! A girl’s first visit to London on a mission (albeit in less than fun circumstances), friend is saved and you are invited to a big ass masquerade ball and you say no because of a man’s opinion?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Sidney spouts crap about underestimating her while looking sheepishly adorable and Charlotte agrees to go to the ball. Knew she wanted to really... But I don’t get Sidney’s sudden change of heart about Charlotte and as for underestimating her, what for? She bollocksed up everything, except for guessing that Georgiana was still held in London so they didn’t need to go off on a wild goose chase to Gretna Green. The episode up until that second has been Sidney treating her like she is a child who has made things unnecessarily difficult and not worthy of respect or a kind word. I don’t buy this. Sorry.

The ball!!!!!!!!

Poor Tom! No one gives a shit about the Regatta at the ball and one man even throws Tom’s card on the floor! Rude. Oh well, at least he looks da bomb in his burgundy silk ensemble.

Charlotte’s disappointed in the ball and wants to leave?!?!?!? Disappointed!?!?!? In a London ball! She’s only been there for five minutes and hasn’t done the obligatory sexually charged dance in a fabulous dress with the brooding hero yet! I know she is upset that they have left Georgiana at home and that’s fine, it shows that she has sensibilities and compassion for a friend, but come on! 

Why is she asking Sidney’s opinion to leave? Why is she putting herself down? Yes, Sidney’s behaviour has definitely led her to believe that she is too headstrong and opinionated, but I don’t think she’s too much. The way she has been written up until this episode has been what has made her interesting. Austen heroine’s do go through this in the last third of the story though.

Oh, now he thinks those things are cute. No wonder Charlotte is confused. I am.

Why in holy fuck is Charlotte telling absolutely everything to a total stranger?!?! I get that it is a human thing to want to pour out your heart and problems to someone who can take a step back and see things from a different perspective, but Austen heroine’s keep their fucking counsel! Also, in the time period at that level of society, spilling your secrets to a stranger opens everyone involved up to potential scandal. Good fucking God. This is not even reality at this point!

Charlotte in love with Sidney? Surely not Queen Susan. It’s glaring that Charlotte does love Sidney at this point. Treat them mean, make them fall in love with you, I guess.

Ooooh, the smoulder! Fuck, it’s even working on me!

Jesus Christ, this dance has everything. Not taking their soft eyes off of each others, gradually getting more intense as the dance goes on. Tender brushings of hands. The waltz with his head bent to hers with while being a bit too close for proprieties sake. The way they move in perfect harmony in a way that has not been in evidence in their interactions before. Lingering touches when they have to part in the dance. Taut sexual tension dripping from every step. Both suddenly grinning their arses off when the dance gets faster. The slow-mo shot showing them falling deeper into love. Ending the dance in extreme reluctance as it means they cannot be close in front of everyone anymore while looking stunned by their feelings. Divine! 

Uh oh. Enter old flame. Why did you have to spoil it Andrew?

I know that’s Theo’s actual real life wife, but there was no chemistry that I could see. I could go and get my binoculars. Eliza Campion, I know you won’t prevail, but please step it up for the next episode cos you haven’t convinced me yet.

Charlotte is happy and glowing with her new found awakening. I hope it will last. Of course not...

If you have managed to read to the end of this, well done! I certainly wouldn’t have! As you can see, most of this post has dealt with my feelings of incredulity at the way this episode has turned out. Don’t get me wrong, I really do like Sanditon, but Sunday’s episode has left me shaking my head in confusion. Andrew Davies work has always been top notch, but I wonder if the absence of full original source material has left him unable to write the fully realised characters of the Austen novels that we have come to expect. But injecting melodrama and bizarre about turns in terms of characters and their characterisation while introducing unnecessary scenes (you know the one I mean) has left this episode severely disjointed for me.

[ilovemcu3000]

The Stark Kids and where they went in life (my headcannon)

All 3 are Co-CEOs of Stark Indistries after Pepper retires at 65 (never remarried, and keeps her ring on every day until she dies)

MORGAN HOWARD STARK-POTTS

5-? years old: Lexi Rabe (I hope Lexi plays her as long as possible tbh, because to me she IS Morgan. But if not I have my fan cast for pre-teen and teen - adult Morgan here too)

12-15 years old: Millie Bobby Brown (I got the idea from the new Godzilla, Idk I just like the idea of Millie playing an older Lexi, I think they look really similar)

16 and older: Katherine Langford (I know some people don’t like this casting decision, which is fine, but it’s what seems to be the future and I think she’ll do great, she’s a good actress and I trust marvel with casting)

Personality: Confident, Genius, very proud of who her parents are, Loving, if she’s quiet she’s either PISSED or so sad and/or anxious that she’s breaking down, has anxiety like her father did but handles it like a champ in most situations unless it’s overwhelming, professional like her mom, mannerisms are 55% Tony and 45% Pepper, family is most important thing to her, Tonys sence of humour, 25% little s*it, has her own Iron Woman suit like Pepper and helps Harley with his Iron Lad suits + Peters Spider-Man suits.

Idol(s): Mom And Dad without question

Best Friends: Shuri Udaku, Cassie Lang, Lila Barton, Cooper Barton, Nathaniel Barton, Monica Rambeau

Family: Virginia Stark-Potts (Mom), Anthony Stark-Potts (Dad), Peter Parker and Harley Keener (practically adoptive brothers), Uncles are all male avengers basically (but her favorites are Happy,Bruce, and Rhodey for obvious reasons), Aunts are all female avengers (but Carol Danvers , Hope Van Dyne, Nebula, And May Parker are her favorites) God mother: Natasha Romanoff, Grandparents: Maria And Howard Stark (she hates Howard after learning everything about how he treated Tony) and Peppers parents whoever they are 🤷🏻‍♀️, Sister in Law: Michelle Parker-Jones (Morgan has loved having her in the family since they met when Peter and Michelle started dating 😂 and Morgan was MJs maid of honor at their wedding)

She still vaguely remembers Tony. Occasionally watching the recording/ other videos of him and asking mom or her brothers or any of her aunts and uncles when she wants to learn more about him helps too...she’s so proud of who he was, but sometimes can’t help but feel like something great was ripped away from her. Like an almost perfect puzzle just missing one peice, her dad. (This is her favorite video of him btw ⬇️ 😂)

HARLEY KEENER

Ty Simpkins is Harley no matter what (obvi 😂)

He’s 12 in Iron Man 3 And 17 when the Decimation happened ( he probably got dusted in 2018 so he’s still that @ the funeral)

Personality hasn’t changed much, he’s still kind of a little s*it and loves science. He meets Peter and Morgan at the funeral and they are “The Stark Kids tm” from then on because they realize THEY are Tonys legacy, what he left for the world

Him and Tony had kept in contact since 2013, Harley started being invited for Thanksgiving and Christmas among other holidays in 2014 and has gone every year. He lives with his mom and his sister is off at college...once Tony died he started hanging out more with Pepper, Peter, and Morgan because he knew they needed support. And him and Peter knew they needed to make sure that Morgan knows who her dad was and what he did. It got to the point where he would spend a week with his mom, then a week at the stark lake house until he got his own house at 20, and then becomes Iron Lad with the help of his new found brother and sister Peter and Morgan, and some of Tonys old files and information about the suits. He helps keep things in order at SI and around the world. His mom and actual sister come visit every week. And Pepper, Peter And Morgan with all of the other avengers are his other family. He found a new family and purpose thanks to Tony and he’s forever grateful for it.

PETER BENJAMIN PARKER

Tom Holland IS Peter Parker period, end of discussion

We’re still unfolding his story in the MCU, so this will be a little bit harder, but I have my ideas.

He was hurting bad for about two months after it all happened. Especially after her figures out why Tony invented time travel and his reason for helping the rest of the avengers...to get him back. He blames himself, for Morgan not growing up with her dad, and for Tony not getting the happy ending he deserved. That’s why he vowed to himself to protect Morgan until the day he dies and never let her forget how amazing her father was. But he learns over the years that Tony is still with him, and he’ll see him again someday. The experience of losing Tony and his run in with Mysterio matured him a lot

He went from this

To this

And it is (1) because of the emotional taxation of dealing with the death of his third father figure. The one he thought he would have for at least longer than Ben, but that didn’t work out.

this is the moment he goes from being a happy-go- lucky teenager to a strong, brave, man. Not because he wants too, but because he has experienced enough pain in his 16 years of living that the child-like feeling of euphoria “nothing can possibly go wrong” kids and teens usually have has faded

⬇️

(2) He also matures because of the betrayal of Mysterio, the villain that hurt him the most mentally, that paranoia of him looms over peter in the future too...whenever something he feels is “too good” happens, ( graduates high school, marries MJ, etc.) he can’t relax because he wonders if quinten is still alive and tricking him. He still is positive, and the purest bean there ever was, no one can take that away. But he just takes his duties as a hero more seriously. He does the same thing as Harley, a week with May and a week with Pepper and his new older brother and little sister along with the avengers. He marries Michelle after 3 years of dating and after being married for a year they have two girls that are two years apart my headcannon names are Abigail Franklin Parker-Jones (Michelles grandmas name and you gotta keep Benjamin Franklin in the family since him, his dad, and his uncle have either Benjamin or Franklin as their middle name so Franklin is her middle name) and Riley Edward Parker-Jones (Tonys middle name in honor of him) and Miles comes in after Abigail but before Riley. Peter and Miles have practically a Carbon copy relationship to the one Peter and Tony had and Miles reminds him so much of himself at that age, being a surrogate father AND a real father too makes him appreciate what Tony Stark and Ben and Richard Parker did for him ten times more 😂 he’s convinced those three men are his guardian angels

Tonys legacies are these three...and he could NOT be prouder

[acuppellarp]

Welcome (again) to A Cup-pella, Leigh! We’re excited to have you and Sage LeBlanc in the game! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours. 

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Leigh, she/her Age: 27 Timezone: EST Ships: Sage/Chemistry Anti-Ships: Sage/Forced

IC INFO

Full Name: Alessandra Sage “Sage” LeBlanc Face Claim: Vanessa Morgan Age/Birthday: 27/November 1 Occupation: Crime analyst for the NYPD Personality: Blunt, nihilistic, frigid, whip-smart, irritable Hometown: New Orleans, Louisiana Bio:

From the time she was born, Alessandra LeBlanc was too smart for her own good. As the younger of the LeBlanc sisters, Alessandra couldn’t have asked for a better childhood. While she grew up in a rural part of Louisana, her father was a famous jazz musician and moved the family to New Orleans when his band started catching a big break.

Alessandra loved living in New Orleans. There was so much culture, history, and folklore surrounding the town that she couldn’t help but get swept up in it. She would listen to stories about voodoo, Marie Laveau, ghost hunting, and of the incredible food. She and her sister, Alison, took the most pleasure in roaming the streets in the afternoons, listening to music pour out of the restaurants on Bourbon Street. Mardi Gras was a party that resulted in their mother cooking and baking up a storm.

Family was everything to Alessandra. First, her mother Rebecca, a wise and kind woman with soft eyes and an even softer heart, who worked as a cleaning woman in the local hotel. But she could bake, and she could play the piano. She’d often play the piano for Shaw, the patriarch of the household, who was a wizard on the tenor saxophone, and whose career in music was supposed to drive them from the slums to easy street. Then there was Alison, who embodied all of the best possible qualities of both parents. She was every bit of the perfect older sister to Alessandra– the guardian, the protector. They were happy, and family always came first.

Tragedy struck Alessandra over the course of two years, one after the other. Alessandra never saw either of them coming, but shortly after she turned twelve years old, she and her parents buried her fifteen year old sister after a terminal illness caught too late, to the point where nothing more could be done. Alessandra felt so lost in the world after that, and it’s where she started to flounder. Her dad stopped playing jazz. Her mom started resorting to take out. The streets of New Orleans had lost its magic, but the family wouldn’t be there for much longer.

When Katrina hit, Alessandra was in eighth grade, and her parents made the wise decision to move away from Louisana and into lower New York State, instead. Alessandra’s mother had family in the greater New York area, and it seemed like a good decision at the time. This was when she started going by Sage instead– new life, new name, right? Any hope of making something new for herself faded away. Unfortunately, they moved into a community where children had been friends since they were in diapers, and a sullen, moody, pink-haired child wasn’t exactly on the top of everyone’s list to be friends with.

Between Alison’s passing and being displaced from her home, Sage never quite bounced back from the charismatic, know-it-all that she once was. No more would she run up to her teachers and ask if they wanted to hear about a math proof, or a fun fact. She kept to herself and lost herself in a world of books. Other people’s stories distracted her from her own, and she was found getting in trouble in class for reading books when she should have been paying attention. Even when Sage would be randomly called on, she could always come up with the right answer. Sage had the curse of being smart and being bored.

This was why nobody was even remotely surprised when Sage graduated as the valedictorian of her class, with a full-ride scholarship to Columbia University. She majored in Criminal Studies with a minor in Women’s Literature. Part of Sage wanted to go ahead and pursue a law degree, but people aren’t really her thing. She’s much better off behind the scenes, analyzing data and helping to solve crimes in that manner.

Sage is heavy– mentally, emotionally. She isn’t friendly, and she isn’t kind. She’s not like her mother and never learned enough from her sister on how to face the world with a smile. Instead, Sage relies on her ability to push people away in order to get by. One might think that she wouldn’t thrive in an environment like Acuppella Cafe, because it is a place that thrives on community and togetherness. The cafe has given Sage just that– a community of people who understand her (and plenty of those who don’t) as well as some of her best friends in New York City.

Pets: An adopted Bengal cat named Nefertari. Sage is convinced that this cat is a reincarnation of the famed Egypitan queen. She’ll bend over backwards to tell you that, too.

Relationships:

Haley Sterling

Roommate. Sage can’t stand her, if she’s being completely honest, because Haley is far too peppy and happy for her own good. Sage thinks she’s a six year old child trapped in an adult body, and she has no patience for it. Sage tries to avoid her roommate as much as humanly possible.

Scout Solano

While these two don’t seem to have much in common on the surface, they’ve fallen into a benefits situation. Calling them friends might be a bit far. Sage thinks Scout is absolutely gorgeous and has no trouble admitting that, but she’d much prefer Scout with her mouth shut. Or occupied.

Darcy Allen

Best friends. There is absolutely nothing that Sage loves more than being able to sit in complete silence with someone and know that things are good. They’ll go on a hike, read a book, one of them will crack a joke, rinse and repeat. Sage would kill and die for her.

Naomi Puckerman

In order, the top three things that Sage cannot stand: overly flirtatious people, people who feel the need to constantly mention how hot they are, and people who vanish from their job for six months and leave the weird post-nasal drip dude with pocket protectors as the only person for Sage to talk to. Puck? Puck is all three of them. They work together for the NYPD and while Sage isn’t completely offended by Puck’s existence, she finds the other woman very hilarious. She’d deny it under oath, though.

Rachel Berry

Sage and Rachel bonded over having similar diets, and woefully looking inside the Acup pastry case. The two will often go out to lunch together and share their exercise habits and dietary tips.

EXTRA INFO

your worst nightmare/queensageoftheunderworld/i take hot showers to practice burning in hell:

Five latest tweets:

@queensageoftheunderworld: no one: literally no one: absolutely no one: men: I KNOW HOW TO WRITE STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS!!!!!!! @queensageoftheunderworld: idc if it takes away my gold star gay card, spencer reid can fucking get it. @queensageoftheunderworld: guess who booked her next vacation to venice? poveglia island, here i come. @queensageoftheunderworld: pink hair, don’t care #imgoingpurplenext @queensageoftheunderworld: my apartment is haunted. check the thread below for all the details. makes dear daniel look like a kid’s bedtime story tbh

[suredahlia-arc]

hello hello ! i’m daisy ( 19 // est // she/her ) and my mind has been tricked by florence into thinking it’s 7am when it’s actually,, 4:30pm. i’m in the mountains so we shouldn’t be having it as hard as other places, but everyone is still worried abt falling trees and such ! all my suitemates decided to go be storm-chasers ( every single one of them ? ), so i could be living my best life rn, but i’d rather be writing up an intro for a character i have tried to play over four times then the rp died after,, like,, a day. bless. more below !!

♪ { MARINA DIAMANDIS. FEMALE. MARINA (AND THE DIAMONDS). }Oh shit. Is that BUY THE STARS by DAHLIA ANGELIS on the radio right now?! I stan, omg. SHE’S that INDIE-POP solo artist who’s TWENTY-SEVEN years old. They’ve been in the game for EIGHT YEARS and have THREE ALBUMS out right now. I think they’re very VERSATILE and INTUITIVE, but for some reason they come off as OBSESSIVE and CYNICAL in the tabloids. You mind if I turn this up? daisy. 19. est. she/her.

first, i feel inclined to say why i put “and the diamonds” in parentheses bc without context i either look super uninformed or like a total douchebag?? basically she’s going by just “marina” now but i didn’t know how wide-spread that knowledge was yet and technically all of her work still has “and the diamonds” so i was like “hm. parentheses.” and there’s ur explanation ! onto the intro:

BACKSTORY

TRIGGERS: extreme misogyny, brief mention of gaslighting/emotional abuse, briefly implied physical abuse

so i have been waiting to play a bitch inspired by the stepford wives for forever. if i ever actually finished books that weren’t assigned, wbk i’d read that bitch. but we settle for the 1975 movie. there’s ur preface.

i often get way too caught up in the story of the parents and wind up making just intros like,,, a novella, so i’m gonna do my best to skim over them and go more in-depth when i write the bio later on!!

so dahlia’s mom is inspired by neely “i’m a BIG STAR!” o’hara from ‘the valley of the dolls’ and her dad is, ofc, inspired by walter “no fun quotes or super extra™ monologues” everhart from, you guessed it, ‘the stepford wives (1975)’

just as a very brief explanation as to why “i’m a BIG STAR” wound up in the neighborhood she would, typical fall from glory, first manager whisked her away, “fell in love”, moved to a neighborhood where 95% of the women only found joy in cooking and cleaning

maybe if you HAD a fucking business...

i’ve made this joke so many times i’ve memorized this entire scene.

only one person irl has ever genuinely laughed.

it was my mom.

through a series of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and groupthink, dahlia’s father gradually got her mother to buy into all of it and have strong opinions on the best laundry detergent.

so this was a strange place to raise a child, amirite ? i mean, you got women discussing tide vs. bounty while baking cake, you got men being treated like kings – we over here in the stereotypical 1950s. 

they stanned super small neighborhoods in wales, but should they have ?

so she had a very skewed idea of what was acceptable and what wasn’t. the boys were treated extremely “boys will be boys!” like – like... more than they are when we talk abt the problem with that sentence – and the girls were all wives in training.

it was acceptable for boys and men alike to do whatever they wanted without asking the other. it was acceptable for boys and men alike to complain over anything they wanted. it was acceptable for boys and men to do all of these things that, if we heard about them today, we’d be like “jail??” or, at the very least “leave.”

it was all good and well though!! but one of the four (4) duties dahlia’s mother had was taking care of the child (the other three were cooking, cleaning, and pleasing)

you see, she was used to dahlia’s father blowing things out of proportion when it came to herself – it was normal and healthy!! but she was not used to him blowing things out of proportion on their child, aka dahlia (you see, this is what happens when i start talking about the parents too much)

the first time just warranted a brief “hey, maybe don’t.” the second time warranted a conversation that ended poorly. third warranted an empty threat of leaving that ended poorly. fourth warranted an actual threat that ended poorly. fifth and a bitch was like “ok where r we and how do we get out!!”

after finding her way out, she settled with dahlia in a rly crummy motel, but what else are u gonna do when u only have the few dollars u managed to steal from ur guy??

y’all see i’m already talking in perspective of the parents i hate myself

so dahlia’s mom phoned so many old friends and relatives. unfortunately, as a previous neely “the whole WORLD loves me!!” o’hara who just seemed to drop off the face of the earth, almost everyone was like “bitch tf no you ain’t stayin here”

the last person she phoned was her mom, aka dahlia’s grandmother, down in athens. reluctantly, a bitch was like “fine.”

so dahlia was ~13 by now. her mom found work as a maid bc she was rly good at cleaning and also had no clue how she would ever get a good acting career back (although, mind you, you know a bitch went out for some community theater plays). her grandmother was able to live off the inheritance her late husband, dahlia’s grandfather, left behind – however, she also had a work ethic that drove her to just... do whatever she deemed the right thing to do at the time. 

an old woman doing some odd jobs?? you know it!!

dahlia learned how to speak greek which is great bc you know what?? i duolingo’d that bitch and that owl is a jerk who wouldn’t let me get past “ο άντρας” even tho i spelled it!! right!! i had so many ppl compare what i spelled and what the answer was and i’m still bitter!! 

anyway.

so like,, wbk a bitch has some unresolved problems. when you grow up in the equivalent of stepford (copyright 1972, ira levin), you gonna have some things to work thru!!

but she was also basically trained by that community to keep everything inward??

this is a musician rp so you know what she did??

SHE TAUGHT HERSELF TO PLAY PIANO AND WROTE SONGS!!

was a myspace queen tbh. technically speaking, she has more work out there than the three listed albums (i mean, we got mermaid v. sailor, the crown jewels, etc., etc., bUT)

decided “bitch i’m gonna make smth of this” and,,, did. so when she was 19 ‘the family jewels’ was released and,, like,, she decided “wow time to go be an american!!! i love bald eagles!!!”

so i figure the rest is kind of history?? i think i’ll be going in chronological order with the albums (in that a few years after that ‘electra heart’ was released, then ‘froot’, then a hiatus which we do NOT stan, then coming back with a leak ksksksks. BUT i may switch up electra and froot i’m not quite sure yet??)

ya! 

PERSONALITY

VERSATILE: ok so she never really does things quite the same ? alexa, play ‘can’t pin me down’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. musically speaking, she really loves experimenting with different sounds. overall, she is still considered indie-pop, but we had some good new-wave pop in ‘the family jewels’, we had some good electropop in ‘electra heart’, we had some good general versatility in ‘froot’ (compare the song ‘froot’ to ‘immortal’ like we were boppin then we were havin an existential crisis). does not like keeping things the same in her music. does not like being compared to other artists bc?? everyone!! is different!! generally speaking, she’s just a very?? open person?? not as in emotionally open, open book – all that, as in willing to try pretty much anything?? as long as it’s not her actual routine, if a wrench is thrown in her plans, a bitch don’t care as long as the wrench ain’t smth dumb. here for a good time, not a long time.

INTUITIVE: ok so she got really into trying to read people and tbh psychoanalyze them ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) after leaving that. town. with a name she doesn’t even recall?? wbk a bitch would speak up abt it if she could so that all of the women could be fckin saved but she j doesn’t remember anything abt it!! other than the environment in general!! what’s the name?? besides somewhere in wales, what’s the location?? she doesn’t know!! mainly bc i don’t!! and also for the sake of her not actually saying anything abt it willingly!! anyway!! she really does her best to read people and situations in order to analyze like?? the safety aspect, the other person’s stance, etc. doesn’t always work, but she tries. is pretty good at it, but no pro.

OBSESSIVE: ok so y’all see up there me talking abt routines?? there are two (2) ways in which girly is obsessive. first, a literal manner. routines that need to be done so the world doesn’t fall apart. i mean, we stan obscured brain chemistry, but we also stan horrible environments that just exacerbate it, even into adulthood, in the end ( alexa, play ‘obsessions’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. ) (also, i feel i should clear the possible iffy-ness this would have by saying that i’ve got ocd and will, therefore, be portraying it in a manner similar to mine so that it doesn’t come across as offensive to anyone else who may have a different form?? but most of the ‘routines’ won’t be very prominent in interactions). second, music!! when she gets started on a new project, -the mask vc- try ta’ stop [her]! -end vc- . will live in the studio until everything is complete and perfect. will spend her free time writing lyrics she knows she’ll never use bc?? why not?? gotta get that practice in!! can also apply to any other project types, but ofc the main ones would be music related so??

CYNICAL: ok. who’s gonna have a positive worldview after growing up where she did?? ( alexa, play ‘hermit the frog’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) who’s gonna stan that?? that said, there is not a single genuinely good person in this world ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis again ) if u ask her like?? not only did she already have that view after coming to her senses but?? now she knows about terrorists, about people from the usa who are SUPPOSED to be the good guys killing innocent ppl from ‘enemy territories’ for fun, ppl assaulting and killing minorities just bc they’re not like them, etc., etc., etc. convinced no one is inherently good. rly has a love/hate relationship with life ksksksks

HEADCANONS

a lot of these kind of tie into personality tbh?? 

literally knows everything about every cleaning product ever. ask her about the pros and cons of any and she will tell you. she’ll also tell you when it was manufactured, the ceo of the company that created it at the time, what went in it to make it, etc., etc., etc. knows so much.

kind of going off of that, actually really good at cooking and baking?? she rarely does it willingly, but will make a hell of a chocolate soufflé.

TRIGGER: IMPLIED SEXUAL ASSAULT -  i don’t want to go too far into this bc it’s very triggering content to many ppl (and even to ppl who it isn’t, it’s j?? not good.), but.... i mean.... the boys in her formative environment were literally encouraged to do whatever they wanted and they didn’t need permission?? END TRIGGER.

i have a whole-ass routine already figured out. there are a lot of facets obviously, so i’ll just mention a few?? but count them all as one headcanon to be fair. 

sets an alarm to get into bed at 1:11am bc it’s a good number but 11:11 is usually too early. sets an alarm for 11:11am to wake her up. will chill in bed if she’s awake before then but it has yet to go off. only exceptions are when she’s working on something she deems urgent.

that said, good numbers are 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18, 21, etc. no rhythm to it, but i wasn’t gonna go?? up until?? infinity??

if there are two doors that are both available to be opened and closed (aka not one of those “enter through this one, exit through this one”), will always enter through the right and exit through the left. 

we don’t stan sidewalk cracks!!

a lot of superstition plays into these. but?? loves black cats. they’re chill.

i have a stats page coming that has more so!!

during the eh era, be it the last one or the one before that, decided to method act while she was still writing the songs ksksksks. that’s going to go into some of her more specific connections.

a bitch will both fight and not fight. got ‘the family jewels’ attitude back and we stan!!

was obviously able to write the ‘housewife’ archetype songs from her own personal experience ksksksks. didn’t rly have to dive into the stereotype. j knew it already.

more?? later??

CONNECTION IDEAS

so i have a few specific ones that are attached to a different blog (u kno one of the ones that died) that i’ll be moving over here, but here are some of the ones that stuck out more than others – also, all are open to any gender!:

UPDATE: wc page is here!

during the eh era while she was ‘method acting’ (we hate.), she knew this muse was in a relationship but was still like?? “hey let’s go have a meaningless ons” bc we stan "homewrecker”! (can have a number of muses!!)

a relationship that really didn’t work out in the end. the other kept trying to make things better so they would stay together. inspired by “buy the stars” (one muse)

the first celebrity whose discography or filmography she got really into before moving to america. would’ve had to have been around for longer than eight years. slightly inspired by “hollywood” (one muse)

ok this one. makes me laugh. literally just someone who always gets her mistaken for someone else – it doesn’t even have to look like her. 100% inspired by “hollywood” ( oh my god! you look just like shakira! no, no – you’re catherine zeta! ) (open to two muses)

she’s not known for a good reputation, but she’s also not known for a bad one. this muse wants to turn her to the dark side and make her become everything she never wanted to be?? so very similar to ‘the bad influence’ connection, j w/ a slightly different connotation on dahlia’s end. inspired by “oh no!” (open to two muses)

these bitches were either friends or love interests once, but things fell apart (either mutually or on the other’s side like?? i don’t want to godmod but for the song’s sake). dahlia is,, bad abt forgiveness,, but there have been enough apologies. inspired by “forget” (open to one muse)

dahlia has a very keen interest in this person. whether it’s infatuation or literally just interest, god only knows! obviously goes deeper than that but i’m horrible at explanations. suffice it to say, inspired by “immortal”

ok!! so now j some general ones!!

best friend

ride or die

drinking buddy

fwb

ons

exes

enemies for whatever reason

frenemies

collab partner

muse for any of her songs?

etc., etc., etc. !

LIKE THIS OR HMU IF U WOULD LIKE TO PLOT !

u can also find me on discord @ john donne’s whore #5590

[3s-diary]

so there's this guy in my grade. came to our school in 10th. buzzcut,definetely buff, wears the same leather jacket all year round. drinks monster in every period(at least in every period he shows up to). used to live in another village but recently moved right around the corner bc he got into trouble with his mom (apparantly also bc she found his weed) . yeah huge stoner also. from this girl i used to kinda like I heard that he's not a good person, he became super close to her best friend and ever since they've been close the girl in question started to kinda change. he apparantly sorta influenced her to steal(which,she got caught and got into massive trouble she couldn't mentally handle,she broke down i think) and also to smoke a lot. i heard her say she's starting to have issues with addiction. also from what I'm hearing about him it sounds an awful lot like he's trying to isolate this girl. she has a bf i used to know quite well and a whole group of friends, but when she's with him she's primarily with him. (also I actually heard him say 'you only spend time with your weird bf and never with me' in a joking manner but she went quiet and tbh. that's shitty to say no matter how since it also doesn't appear to be true). so in conclusion the guy is, from the stories I heard a massive red flag,however, there are two things, wait no, 3 about him. he's in my math and psychology class, in math he doesn't do much but talk too loud and lend sheets from me and others. but in psychology, he's the most educated guy in our whole course. he knows so much, without actually doing work in class at all. It's just probably his interest and tbh, since I am super interested in psychology, too, I could listen to him talk for hours. apart from that, he sometimes talks abt other interesting things. I could care less about muscle groups and proteins, but philosophy can be hella interesting and he knows about it. I get hella pissed when he speaks some times bc he's just so annoying and all, plus he's such a weirdo. but there are traits in him that I value, such as standing up for himself, proving his skills while disregarding the systems rules and restrictions, and of course his knowledge and will to speak about it. I cannot imagine being able to talk to him without going insane but I feel like I really want to, not even talk to him, just discuss. but also maybe I would like to know more about him, simply bc he's such an interesting person. as long as he doesn't talk to me i won't be talking to him, which i sort of see as a win, but kind of as a loss. whatever. now the worst thing about him is that he looks just like my fucking dad. and yk, that's weird enough to begin with, but also my dad isn't really in my life, so there's a teeny tiny possibility he's like my step brother or something.I mean I assume not bc he's talked about his dad before and I don't think my dad would manage raising a kid fully(sorry but my story approves this theory).yk what that's not even the thing, the real thing is that he IS just like my dad. looks like him, quite smart but doesn't put effort into school. potential in sports and physical whatever. and my dad dropped out of school and failed greatly because he developed a weed addiction. of course it's just a coincedence, but it's. kind of creepy seeing someone who looks like my dad's fucking clone with similar habits and traits. and i have suvh mixed (and kinda toxic/egoistical) feelings about him , that doesn't make it better.

[thequietoftheroom]

Hi. Is this thing on? Lauren Graham said in her new book that we should write more so this is my attempt at that. Oh by the way, I started reading again. I write these for myself so why don’t I just use “we”, but that will probably be weird reading it back. I’ve read Feminasty: The Complicated Woman’s Guide To Surviving The Patriarchy Without Drinking Herself To Death, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice On Love And Life From Dear Sugar, and now I’m almost done with Talking As Fast As I Can: From Gilmore Girls To Gilmore Girls. I’ve gone through several lists to pick out the books I plan on reading in the next few months, at least if I can afford them, but I like to think the books I ultimately bought found me and not the other way around. I have been read cover to cover, my soul pierced, and my mind opened. Of course fiction books have a similar effect but I never thought I would be interested in what people had to say about this grand thing called life and I learned that I cared a whole lot, not because I wanted to model myself after them but because I care about people and reading their explanations on life is like suddenly remembering they’re my best friends and they’re just catching me up on little secrets that come packed with nuggets of wisdom. 

I got myself into several situations I never planned on getting myself into even though the red flags were there and even though the people very openly said “Hey, this is exactly who I am”, but you know how your mind works when you have anxiety and depression. You start to convince yourself the puzzle pieces you find yourself assembling are actually part of the picture even though they don’t fit because deep down you’re trying to finish the puzzle of your life and no one is giving you quite the right pieces. In other words, and to quote my friend Allie, I drank a nice glass of “dumb bitch” juice. Which lead me to want to consider joining a dating site sooner than I planned. I know these things take time but it’s been 3 days and I’ve sent 40 likes (I think that’s how okcupid works idk) and practically got 0 back. Here’s why that sucks. On okcupid they focus strongly on your personality and beliefs. So someone not only saw my face and said “yeesh no thanks” they took the time to get to know the information about myself I put on there and were still like “yikes I don’t think so”. So all in all this was an experiment in derailing my self esteem and increasing my depression. What crazy color will I dye my hair to suddenly avoid dealing with my problems? Or maybe I’ll give myself another buzzcut. Stay tuned!

On a serious note, a lot of the stories I’m reading made me SO relieved that at 27 I’m still very much single and have only had 1 relationship which wasn’t that great (it was both of our faults). There were so many stories and anecdotes about young love being messy and about true commitment coming in your 40′s. Honestly, idk if I can wait that long. If NASA and the CIA and the FBI were like “you have been randomly selected to test mating with androids” I’d be like “yes please but can I choose their face”. I mean realistically I’m in the worst position to be in a relationship. For one, I don’t have much money saved because I’m sadly addicted to ordering things online, most of which are either useful to me or to my job (and no I don’t get reimbursed but I think the prospect of waiting for something in the mail to kill time is momentarily greater than the prospect of having more money later). I still live at home. Obviously, that’s a hella yikes and tbf I’m reading to get the fuck out of here but {see A: i have no money} and I have no one to move in with. I keep doing extensive research but I learned that in 2018 everywhere is problematic. So as much as my love for NYC is slowly fading I also realize this is it for me! I’m a city gal who needs to be surrounded by diversity. I can’t do suburbs and I can’t do living near more than 50% white people. I’ll die. I know that’s discriminatory but we are in the dawn of BBQ Beckys so can you blame me when the majority of white people keep voting against my existence. So I’m stuck. Every once in a while I look up “most LGBT friendly places to live” or “least racist places to live” and hope there’s a magical place with both but there isn’t (especially since, hello, twinks are hella racist). But I’ve literally cuddled my body pillow to death: it broke apart and I need a new one. And I learned I can’t fall asleep unless I’m cuddling it because I’m that lonely.

Everything in life is so complicated. I hate not being out at work but at the same time everyone there is ignorant so I wouldn’t be any more comfortable having them walking on eggshells around me. I love the individuals though and sometimes I feel very motherly or big brotherly towards them and they make me REALLY love work. But I want to be me. And I want to get rid of my legal name. Every time someone calls me John I die inside. Sometimes I don’t even respond because I have to be like “oh shit that’s me”. Can I change my name now? Probably, just have to have the money and redo all my paperwork at work? Will i? No because then either a) the individuals will have to learn my new name and their lives are confusing as fuck as it is or b) i keep my current legal name as a nickname but then it will get confusing for paperwork. I don’t like inconveniencing people that much even for something super important to me. I’ll just die inside until I save enough money, do my last few undergrad psyche classes, and then get into grad school. So like in 5 years, knowing me.

I’ve developed some little crushes here and there but most of the time it’s people that live out of reach or are straight or bottoms or any combination of them or I can just tell they will never like me in that way. So honestly, why bother. I miss the days when I didn’t care about this and the only thing plaguing my mind was what show I should marathon while building in minecraft.

Speaking of games, I play a lot with my friend Sal. He’s like my best friend which is weird because he was my boss once on a minecraft server but now I can’t ever think of him that way? He’s more like an older brother now, even though he’s younger than me. We talk a lot and also enjoy a lot of silence, and introduce each other to different games and shows. But mostly games. We’re both obsessed with 7 Days To Die and I check constantly for news about the update (no set dates for Alpha 17 AHHHH). To fill that void we started playing Fortnite, which I know a lot of people make fun of but it’s actually fun. Here’s a fun fact about me: I can’t take serious games serious so if there’s no building element, or fun element, or explosives I can blow things up with, I won’t do it. I have 0 competitive bones in this body. I like to have fun. That’s why Fortnite is perfect because it is a competitive FPS type game but it’s also a parody of that genre and it’s so whimsical. Save The Day is a lot like 7 Days To Die so that’s been fun. Listen, when you play a game with someone and you beat it, especially a survival game, it’s such a relief and you learn so much and it’s like you went on a literal adventure with that person. Did Sal and I actually get stranded on an island full of mutants and cannibals? No but that’s what it actually felt like after finishing The Forest because it was that real for us. My love for Pocket Camp is fading because it’s the same stuff, new textures. I mean the prospect of having a cute camp is fun sometimes (fun enough for me to spend way too much money on it. HELP!) but now it’s like “oh they just stand there and I don’t really do anything”. ALTHOUGH they are saying that now they are adding a LOT more gameplay to the point that you need at least 1gb of space of the game so I’m excited. I’m still obsessed with minecraft so there’s nothing new there.

Here’s something weird. I spent much of my time, when I identified as gay, being annoyed at gay stereotypes and mostly twinks being like “if you don’t do x,y,z you might as well be straight”, so much so that now that I came out as queer those things still bother me and I have to be like “it’s okay that’s not you anymore you literally figured this out which is why you’re this person”. That’s how I should introduce myself tbh “Hi I’m the Q in LGBTQ”. I don’t care about fitting in but because of my lack of in person friends sometimes I worry that maybe I should care, just a little. I’m so tempted to try Tinder just for that but then I think of all the people who have Tinder that live in this building and I’m like God that is a huge mistake. I need a huge life change. I need someone to come in and shake up my life but no one has volunteered. I’m kind of regretting thinking of all those stupid romantic things like “Oh I want my future boyfriend to teach my how to ride a bike :)” “I want my future boyfriend to take me traveling” “I want my future boyfriend to serenade me”. I’ll just become a full on Capricorn and teach myself everything, travel the world alone, and serenade my goddamn self.

Speaking of which again, can my depression like.. not? I was so into learning and practicing chords daily and I just stopped? Like my motivation was like “It’s been a nice 1 week. back to not caring about anything again” I mean I started to try to learn Burn and Satisfied from Hamilton (well, “learn”) so I at least have interest and I still listen to classical music and jazz to light that fire under my ass but still. I’m just going to do what I always do and restart from lesson 1 and hope I make it to 3 although my extensive research of chords has already put me at an advantage for lesson 3, which is chords. Of course I would go and try to learn something in an unstructured manner because I have a problem with routine and authority even when that authority is me.

I should write me. Which reminds me I was going to write about this one dream I had on my regular blog. See ya!

[lingo-28]

Japanese in a Month Day 1 Vocabulary

これ

this (indicating an item near the speaker, the action of the speaker, or the current topic); this person (usu. indicating someone in one's in-group); now; here; I (me); certainly

それ

that (indicating an item or person near the listener, the action of the listener, or something on their mind), it; that time, then; there (indicating a place near the listener); you

仕事（しごと）

work, job, business, occupation, employment, vocation, task; work

いつ

when, how soon

出る（でる）

to leave, to exit, to go out, to come out, to get out; to leave (on a journey), to depart, to start out, to set out; to move forward; to come to, to get to, to lead to, to reach; to appear, to come out, to emerge, to surface, to come forth, to turn up, to be found, to be detected, to be discovered, to be exposed, to show, to be exhibited, to be on display; to appear (in print), to be published, to be announced, to be issued, to be listed, to come out; to attend, to participate, to take part, to enter (an event), to play in, to perform; to be stated, to be expressed, to come up, to be brought up, to be raised; to sell; to exceed, to go over; to stick out, to protrude; to break out, to occur, to start, to originate; to be produced; to come from, to be derived from; to be given, to get, to receive, to be offered, to be provided, to be presented, to be submitted, to be handed in, to be turned in, to be paid; to answer (phone, door, etc.), to get; to assume (an attitude), to act, to behave; to pick up (speed, etc.), to gain; to flow (e.g. tears), to run, to bleed; to graduate

使う（つかう）

to use (a thing, method, etc.), to make use of, to put to use; to use (a person, animal, puppet, etc.), to employ, to handle, to manage, to manipulate; to use (time, money, etc.), to spend, to consume; to use (language), to speak

所（ところ、ショ）

place

作る（つくる）

to make, to produce, to manufacture, to build, to construct; to prepare (food), to brew (alcohol); to raise, to grow, to cultivate, to train; to till; to draw up (a document), to make out, to prepare, to write; to create (an artistic work, etc.), to compose; to coin (a phrase), to organize, to organise, to establish, to found; to have (a child); to make up (one's face, etc.); to fabricate (an excuse, etc.); to give a (false) appearance, to feign (a smile, etc.), to put on a show of emotion; to form (a line, etc.); to set (a record); to commit (a sin, etc.)

持つ（もつ）

to hold (in one's hand), to take, to carry; to possess, to have, to own; to maintain, to keep; to last, to be durable, to keep, to survive; to take charge of, to be in charge of

買う（かう）

to buy, to purchase; to value, to have a high opinion; to stir, to provoke, to draw upon oneself

時間（じかん）

time; hour; period, class, lesson

知る（しる）

to be aware of, to know, to be conscious of, to cognize, to cognise; to notice, to feel; to understand, to comprehend, to grasp; to remember, to be acquainted with (a procedure); to experience, to go through, to learn; to be acquainted with (a person), to get to know; to concern

同じ（おなじ）

same, identical, equal, uniform, equivalent, similar, common (origin), changeless, alike; anyway, anyhow, in either case

なる

to become, to get, to grow, to be, to reach, to attain; to result in, to prove to be; to consist of, to be composed of; to succeed, to be complete; to change into, to be exchanged for; to play a role; to be promoted; to do ...

まだ

still, as yet, hitherto, only; not yet; more, besides; unfinished, incomplete, not yet finished with

後（あと、のち、うしろ、おくれる、ゴ、コウ）

behind, back, later

聞く（きく）

to hear; to listen (e.g. to music); to ask, to enquire, to query; to learn of, to hear about; to follow (advice), to comply with; to smell (esp. incense), to sample fragrance

少ない（すくない）

few, a little, scarce, insufficient, seldom

酸い（すい）

sour, acid

少ない時間（すくないじかん）

limited time

もう

now, soon, shortly, before long, presently; already, yet, by now, (not) anymore; further, more, again, another, the other; tsk, dammit, jeez, come on, what the hell

どうぞ

please, kindly, I beg of you; by all means, feel free, you are welcome; here you are

午後（ごご）

afternoon, p.m.

長い（ながい）

long (distance); long (time), lengthy

今年（ことし）

this year

今年中に（ことしじゅうに）

by the end of this year, before the year comes to a close, during this year

良い（よい）

good, excellent, fine, nice, pleasant, agreeable; sufficient, enough, ready, prepared; profitable (deal, business offer, etc.), beneficial; OK, all right, fine, no problem

どう

how, in what way, how about

どの辺（どのへん）

whereabout, about where; how much

言葉（ことば）

language, dialect; word, words, phrase, term, expression, remark; speech, (manner of) speaking; learning to speak, language acquisition

終わる（おわる）

to finish, to end, to close

一つ（ひとつ）

one; for one thing; only; (not) even; just (e.g. "just try it")

差し上げる（さしあげる）

to give, to offer; to lift up, to hold up, to raise

上げる（あげる）

to raise, to elevate; to do up (one's hair); to fly (a kite, etc.), to launch (fireworks, etc.), to surface (a submarine, etc.); to land (a boat); to deep-fry; to show someone (into a room); to summon (for geishas, etc.); to send someone (away); to enrol (one's child in school), to enroll; to increase (price, quality, status, etc.), to develop (talent, skill), to improve; to make (a loud sound), to raise (one's voice); to earn (something desirable); to praise; to give (an example, etc.), to cite; to summon up (all of one's energy, etc.); to arrest; to nominate; to give; to offer up (incense, a prayer, etc.) to the gods (or Buddha, etc.); to bear (a child); to conduct (a ceremony, esp. a wedding); (of the tide) to come in; to vomit; to do for (the sake of someone else); to complete ...; to humbly do ...

こう

in this way, thus, such; uh...

くれる

to give, to let someone have, to be given; to do for someone, to take the trouble to do; to do to someone's disadvantage

起きる（おきる）

to get up, to rise, to blaze up (fire); to wake up, to be awake, to stay awake; to occur (usu. of unfavourable incidents), to happen, to take place

春（はる、シュン）

springtime, spring (season)

午前（ごぜん）

morning, a.m.

別（ベツ、わかれる）

separate, branch off, diverge, fork, another, extra

部屋（へや）

room, chamber; apartment, flat, pad; stable

若い（わかい）

young, youthful; immature, green; low (number), small

置く（おく）

to put, to place; to leave (behind); to establish (an organization, a facility, a position, etc.), to set up; to appoint (someone to a certain position), to hire, to employ; to place (one's trust, one's faith, etc.), to bear (in mind, etc.); to put down a tool (e.g. a pen) hence stopping what one is doing with that tool; to take in (boarders, etc.), to provide lodging in one's house; to separate spatially or temporally; to do something in advance; to leave something in a certain state, to keep something in a certain state

住む（すむ）

to live (of humans), to reside, to inhabit, to dwell, to abide

働く（はたらく）

to work, to labor, to labour; to function, to operate, to be effective, to work (i.e. ... works), to come into play; to commit (e.g. a crime), to perpetrate, to do, to act, to practise, to practice; to be conjugated

立つ（たつ）

to stand, to rise, to stand up; to find oneself (e.g. in a difficult position); to depart (on a plane, train, etc.)

呼ぶ（よぶ）

to call out (to), to call, to invoke; to summon (a doctor, etc.); to invite; to designate, to name, to brand; to garner (support, etc.), to gather; to take as one's wife

安い（やすい）

cheap, inexpensive; calm, peaceful, quiet

もっと

(some) more, even more, longer, further

何かペットを飼っていますか。

Do you have any pets?

Created with Japanese for iOS®

I was able to get 50 vocab for the whole week tho tbh it’s actually taking a long time so I’ll probably to save time do this like every time I finish a week I’ll add the next vocabulary for the next week.

I wrote the words down it’s a bit messy some but legible still. Throughout today I will do my best to memorize it all.